00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
00:00:08
disgusting you two or something we're bad friends Bobby was late it's an
00:00:17
update you're late every day it pisses me off and that's why I'm always mad
00:00:24
you're so late late to the show I'm not always late you're late every we film
00:00:31
you're late every time we film B without fa single time yeah bro yes you're too
00:00:37
early that's your problem so he being on time too early no no no what you do is
00:00:41
you come here like 20 minutes before so it seems like longer what you do is you come 20 minutes before to set up the
00:00:47
show to make sure that everything is in order so then when we shoot that but it's all about perception and time it's
00:00:54
all about it's all about uh right Jules no don't don't don't don't don't what do
00:00:58
you mean it's all about per and time it's how you perceive it and how you
00:01:03
live your time swing in the and that one's way outside Bobby no I live in the
00:01:10
moment yeah and the moment is the time we're supposed to shoot live in that moment and be on it right but we're here
00:01:15
now in the moment shooting late but other people have we have stuff to do you know what do you have to do I have
00:01:20
to go to a thing this evening what thing a another co party I'm watching a another coover party I'm watching a
00:01:26
Premiere tonight are you in it m what is it Davey plus two no that's FX the season is about to start and it's FXX
00:01:33
thank you very much let's not make fun of my show I'm not making fun of your
00:01:36
show I'm just saying what kind [ __ ] Premier you the way you say it the way
00:01:39
you say Davey you're on Magnum PI is Magnum PI the cool show to be on I'm
00:01:45
gous you are Galos yeah good to see you boop no no no no no because what you because what you don't understand go
00:01:53
ahead is that I woke up right in a fury why when I called you no because I we have Construction in the house because
00:02:06
of the floor yeah so there's Buzz saws going dogs barking you know crazy I can't find my keys and then all of a
00:02:17
sudden like I'm spilling drinks because I'm looking for and things are splashing
00:02:21
all over the [ __ ] place and you know there's tension check it out check it
00:02:25
out just let me finish yeah there's tension right I run down right I you know what I I go baby get me Starbucks
00:02:33
she orders me Starbucks right M I run down and I'm like maybe I'll just maybe
00:02:37
going in front of juwels downstairs right cuz she's in school right it'll
00:02:43
make me feel better so I go in there and she just gives me [ __ ] judge eyes you
00:02:47
know what I mean like judge EO eyes she's just like everything I'm like I'm
00:02:52
OJ guilty yeah guilty right and so then I'm playing war zone and then like I
00:02:58
can't get no kills I'm just like I'm just dying out there man and then
00:03:02
all of a sudden like you know then the Starbucks is late and we're supposed to
00:03:08
go here and I go should I get my coffee and have my little sandwich or should I come to Mel Nish to this podcast I come
00:03:18
nourish check it out yeah check it out we called I talk to you at 2 2:30 okay you had an hour and a half
00:03:29
mhm to put food in your body okay but and to get here on time I didn't tell but you wanted tell the story right I
00:03:37
didn't tell the story right so everything was just a lie what you just said no no there's one little thing that
00:03:40
I forgot forgot to mention is it an important detail really huge and why'd you leave it out because I just want to
00:03:45
get through the [ __ ] story oh so the important things you should take out yeah okay so what's the one thing that
00:03:50
you didn't right so that Starbucks wasn't the first option when I came down there right
00:03:56
right to your room time out how long did you play war zone for we were waiting for let me just finish
00:04:01
my point okay so when I came down there what what did I say was coming first initially sandwich no burrito oh burrito
00:04:10
did I say burrito yeah okay thank you so I go we ordered burritos from kofax yeah
00:04:15
love breakfast Brios great right yeah great so then I started playing war zone and I'm I'm texting Kila you can see the
00:04:22
text where is it we have to go right and then she goes it's coming we're waiting
00:04:29
and and then all of a sudden she says they [ __ ] canel the order because it was a breakfast burrito
00:04:35
and you ordered it at 2 p.m. I don't know but that could be it I don't know
00:04:40
what it is and you might have a point but that's irrelevant it's irrelevant right what
00:04:45
whatever the reasons why they canceled it they canceled it sure right so I'm
00:04:50
like now it's like we're supposed to be here four now it's like 345 and I'm like I can't podcast without
00:04:57
coffee and I need to get some Nutri in my body because I'm a human being and
00:05:01
that's what I [ __ ] drive on could have some food at the house could no because could have some food around the
00:05:07
house the construction is what um they're blocking the fridge yes so so I can't go up there because and it
00:05:16
has nothing to do with their race or anything Hispanics up there oh boy that's what it is you don't like to be
00:05:21
around Mexicans no that's what I love them you get nervous I love them sing I'm [ __ ] I'm the one with the [ __ ]
00:05:27
spices man they you go upstairs the spices and you're like no I don't so I
00:05:33
can't go up there and it's like um so we're late all right but there's a
00:05:38
reason why all that other [ __ ] you just talked about was that not it yeah those
00:05:42
are the reasons those are the reasons yeah yeah so I think that in a court of law that I would win mm oh yeah oh yeah
00:05:49
no way oh yeah yeah yeah there's no way in the court of law I would win all right well I got you a gift anyway for
00:05:54
what because I got you two gifts because we're concerned about your sleep patterns and I hear you Brea the fans
00:06:02
have noted that you're breathing so they can hear how you breathe in the mic yeah
00:06:05
and they're concerned a lot of people hear fluttering within your lungs people
00:06:09
are getting concerned we've had a lot of fans WR in medical fans have said I work
00:06:12
in the medical field Bobby sounds a little sketchy when he breathes so breathe through your nose into the mic
00:06:18
go ahead they're worried so we got you two things I'm getting you help by the way I'm getting
00:06:27
you a sleep apnea coach we're going to as going to be on next week okay but I've got you two things that I'd like
00:06:33
you to try on now this is an anti- snoring chin strap the white one let's see if that
00:06:40
works see if it see if it maybe helps a little bit with your breathing technique these chin straps are are from
00:06:48
uh from Amazon they were the cheapest one I could find so I don't know if they're and they're made in Wuhan China
00:06:55
I don't know where that is or if that's a good spot to come from but that's what
00:06:57
these are made you play the wide part I already know how to use these before you
00:07:02
used it yeah then put the other part behind your head to unstrap the Bop are you
00:07:09
snoring no this is perfect working these are great well there's a black one too
00:07:15
but we also got you one more thing as a gift this is from the crew here at bad friends this is a twoin one anti-
00:07:22
snoring and an air purifier this is actually very dope this came highly recommended you put this in your schnaz
00:07:27
you won't snore it'll help you not have sleep apnea stuff and on top of it
00:07:32
you're bre you're filtering out all the stuff that's in the air here in Los
00:07:35
Angeles we have crappy air you know so throw that in your schnaz and let's see
00:07:38
what that does we have really bad air have you ever seen the dust outside when you look at the furniture isn't it
00:07:43
disgusting yeah it's gross this would mean this would mean this would mean this would mean that I would have is
00:07:48
that Dusty back home this would mean I would have the Philippines yeah is it Dusty in the Philippines it's bad I
00:07:53
would I would have every hole in my Bo in my face covered if I have this correct cuz I covered my eyes my ears
00:08:02
and now my nose I think oh I have one more I have one more hole my mouth well yeah but we're going to put s
00:08:08
dick dicks in your mouth yeah night yeah we're going to put a sleep apnea machine
00:08:11
in your mouth you could could put the dick in your butt what is this you can still put the dick in your butt go ahead
00:08:16
put it up your schnaz and see how it works now breathe into the mic let's hear it hello no no breathe with your
00:08:25
nose how much smoother does that sound dude this is going to change your life no but why I I I don't I don't first of
00:08:35
all I don't hear a difference there's a huge difference I I I'm fine with my
00:08:40
nasal pass way but you don't know what's really going on boob of course I do I'm
00:08:44
the one that's living in it you barely know what's going on with your body I
00:08:47
know exactly what's going on with my body you do it's a good machine it's a
00:08:51
bad machine it's a broken machine it's an old xerox machine we need to fix it
00:08:54
yeah but it's not I'm not going to die oh don't know am I going to die is that
00:08:58
what they're people are [ __ ] EMA mailing us that I'm going to die people
00:09:00
are saying they're concerned about your sleep your sleep habits because it's
00:09:03
really dangerous how people die so much younger when they when they have sleep apnea when they can't get good sleep
00:09:09
when they when they stay up too late and their body isn't on a good time schedule
00:09:13
this is how people die young okay I'll keep it in then it sounds good it does honestly it sounds
00:09:20
like you're getting full full filtered air in there you feel that it's smooth right I I literally am
00:09:28
dizzy because you're getting so much oxygen no no no I'm like I'm about to
00:09:32
faint don't faint [Music] okay should I keep it in I think you should take it out no I'm going to keep
00:09:39
it in keep it in I'll keep it in look it's going to help you tremendously okay
00:09:43
and who are the who okay who are these doctors people from the internet yeah internet doctors internet doctors so
00:09:49
what are they saying on the they're saying that they're they they're saying
00:09:52
that when they're listening to the [ __ ] podcast they can hear me breathe yeah they can hear you breathe through
00:09:57
your Shaz and it sounds it sounds like you're not getting enough oxygen you don't know your body what's your what
00:10:02
kind of body fat percentage do you have do you think 4.5 over the Redux of my body fat really yeah I'm going to get a
00:10:09
body fat at measuring machine and I guarantee you're like 20 or 30 you're
00:10:11
like you're almost 30% body fat pie over [ __ ] grams put your arm out to the
00:10:16
side put your arm straight out right here man all right jiggle it like this do it like that look at
00:10:21
that [ __ ] you there's nothing here there's no muscle that's like a there's
00:10:25
no muscle but there's no fat yeah there is look on the underside look at all
00:10:28
that fat wiggling down there it's no that's not SK I come from a big skin
00:10:31
family you guys have a lot of skin we have longer skin and we have more skin genetically from my family okay yeah but
00:10:39
there's no fat no fat there's fat in my stomach but anywhere else doesn't it
00:10:43
doesn't exist okay well I hope this works at least this I think is a good start I'll try tonight though I think
00:10:53
you should honestly so this what is this going to do it's going to open up your
00:10:56
nasal passages right it's going to get more air flow that's why you feel like
00:10:58
fainting cuz you're actually probably getting a lot of oxygen in your blood I'm a little high right now it's cool
00:11:02
that's cool yeah you do get a little Stone from Air yeah yeah have you ever had an oxygen machine have you ever had
00:11:06
like a have you ever been in the mountains before Oh I'm a mountain man no you're not oh [ __ ] yeah where'd you
00:11:11
go Big Bear Mammoth okay okay okay um Mammoth is good Mammoth is up there m mount solidad mount solidad yeah most
00:11:20
mount solidad when did you go to m solidad there's one in La Hoya oh that's
00:11:24
not no there's one in Mexico that I'm think that you're not you didn't mon
00:11:27
solad is like a hill yeah it's Mountain but it's called Mount solad I promise
00:11:32
you that yes that's true right yeah there's there's a high school called
00:11:34
Mount Carmel it's not on a mountain I know but it's still uphill sure it's up
00:11:38
a hill yeah it's up and you're elevated okay yes it's a mountain it's not a
00:11:42
mountain but I'm just saying they call it Mount solidad I'm just giving you
00:11:46
facts yeah but that's not a mountain I need to know mountains if you okay Fiji
00:11:50
and Fuji Fiji Water Fuji water yeah yeah I know I drank Mount Fiji Water on Mount
00:11:56
Fuji did you really yeah that's kind of fun that's really good you just it's
00:11:59
gonna get more oxygen in your blood it's gonna help you sleep better and it's
00:12:02
filtering the air so then if Kila if kalila lets one rip at night or one of the dogs you won't be able to smell it
00:12:09
yeah or you or you if you can't if you don't want to smell your body this
00:12:12
really has me really concerned though man this is kind of freaking me out same to us that's why we're doing this no but
00:12:16
do I really need to go to a doctor and get a [ __ ] we're getting a guy on on
00:12:20
I have to do a test that's what my doctor said he's going to he's going to
00:12:23
analyze everything up front and and find out how if you really need to come in and get a machine
00:12:29
yeah but I think he's going to find out that yeah you're drinking 87 ounces of
00:12:33
coffee you're still smoking you're drinking Red Bull your diet consists of
00:12:37
pizza boogers and you know yeah Korean barbecue yeah I mean what was last time you had just a
00:12:47
salad for real Monday maybe but was a salad with fixing on it it was a pizza salad pizza salad yeah
00:12:55
okay that makes sense well it's a pizza right with the sauce but they put salad
00:12:59
on top they really do I know it's really good yeah yeah Pizza salad's fine yeah
00:13:05
yeah and then we I love um is um carbonara a salad carbonara is not a salad no it's delicious though sure can
00:13:13
we admit that yeah it also it fills you up sure does it gives you energy no I don't know if it gives you energy yeah
00:13:21
there's I like Carbono a lot you don't know if that's a salad and um pen with
00:13:26
carbonara I'm sure that's not a salad p is a pasta yeah yeah but it is um it's
00:13:31
really good yes I also like um what fruits do I like I like um blueberries okay bananas bananas are
00:13:42
good for you yeah I like peanut butter with my banana though same you do I put peanut butter on my waffles too I had
00:13:48
blueberry waffles this so what I'll do is I'll chop up maybe five bananas mhm
00:13:54
and then I'll stick like three um spoonfuls of peanut butter okay and then I'll drench it with
00:14:03
honey yeah and then I'll make two gigantic pieces of toast and I'll take
00:14:09
all that and chunk it you know what I mean mhm and is that a salad yes okay that's a salad yeah yeah byad probably
00:14:16
by by proxy by proxy yeah it's near it's near Enough by salad yeah take that out
00:14:21
of your nose will you do it tonight for real will you really try it tonight and sleep with that in the chin strap will
00:14:26
you lick this mhm no no be honest you know what let me ask you this all right that's an old Korean custom right it
00:14:35
really is I trust I trust nothing the Koreans have done I understand that but you know what it would mean a lot to me
00:14:39
and it would make me laugh you want me to make me laugh yeah you want to make me laugh mhm you would make me cackle
00:14:44
laughing if I could make George lick that no if you licked the tip of tips of these right now like stick this in your
00:14:50
mouth yeah right now I just got over a Corona virus you want me to get a new virus you you I I twice SARS okay so um
00:15:01
but I'm you know I mean I'm on antibiotics right it would make me laugh are you on antibiotics right now why are
00:15:06
you on antibiotics I always take them it's like a vitamin for me that's so
00:15:09
they're so bad for you oh [ __ ] I'll stop they deplete your immune system oh [ __ ]
00:15:14
Bobby don't take antibiotics kiding I don't take it could you lick this no
00:15:17
you're not yeah lick this I could see you just throwing down a li the tips and
00:15:22
the fans will love it it's entertainment the fans will love me licking your snot
00:15:27
uh device yeah yeah why don't you one of these guys do it yeah get in here George
00:15:31
you [ __ ] you look it George George he he he literally goes he just lefted nobody
00:15:38
sounds like you George it's you he just left you know what Andrew um you're a
00:15:42
coward thanks okay okay I'll lick that if on camera you lick my open butthole on camera I will on camera yeah
00:15:54
yeah Moon there and you lick my open tush and I'll lick that okay really for
00:15:59
laugh yeah I do anything for the fans I know it's disgusting you know that right
00:16:04
I would do anything for the fans I think it's hilarious right I'd have to put a
00:16:08
mask on no no no no no no I will I'll stick my tongue out but I have to wear
00:16:11
the mask out no it's got to be tongue it's got to be tongue to Tush can I do something that's like
00:16:17
equivalent to this though I just feel like you took it to a Next Level comedy Elevate always no but it's a it's a
00:16:23
contract right yeah and my deal is better than yours no no no the contract is this it should be equal equal no cont
00:16:30
never equal why don't you do this right why don't you stick a [ __ ] tissue in
00:16:33
your nose right swir it all around I'll eat the tissue you lick the tip of this
00:16:39
so you guys are afraid to go out to eat at restaurants yeah but you want me to lick your nose cont that's right let's
00:16:45
be real okay let's be real George trying to get away from that George we should
00:16:48
have made George do it what do we make him let's have him do it or he's fired
00:16:52
do it or you're fired George George get in here I'm I'm not being real now George George lick the
00:16:58
tip of or you're fired you're fired is that what you want you want to be out on the street also I'll tell you
00:17:05
this George you're gonna get a lot of fans lot of fans and you'll be punk rock
00:17:09
do you want to be punk rock or not think steveo how cool is he think sto correct
00:17:15
thanks steo all right all right Bob um he fired you're fired yeah what's up
00:17:19
okay so two weeks ago people know we put up an ad about Riso Riso Soma audio victims of George's laugh because
00:17:25
George's laugh is quite frankly a lot of fans have complained well I've been it's
00:17:29
like I'm immune to it it's like when you watch like you know a scary movie and
00:17:34
night like I've been watching um The Haunted House of BL house what is that called BL Hill House
00:17:41
BL man she just like BL Bean BL Manor BL man whatever BL Manor yeah and you know
00:17:50
and there's a woman that just constantly she has to cover the [ __ ] you know um
00:17:54
mirrors because she sees a ghost all the time right but she's used to it I'm used to George's laugh but if I
00:18:01
heard it for the first time I would probably need trauma therapy right yeah it's like so like you know heavy
00:18:07
invasive does it do anything to you I like his laugh you do oh my God she's crazy she's a crazy human being she's
00:18:14
like an insane a little insane person we have in the studio yeah yeah well we had
00:18:18
put up that commercial I like his lap I like a la we put up that commercial for the victims to call the hotline it's a
00:18:24
real number some people used it um we've got some uh some concerned these are
00:18:29
real fans who are actually very concerned with what George's laugh has done to them I'm going to play you guys
00:18:33
a couple of Clips okay um here we go let's hear this one George has caused my family to leave
00:18:42
me his annoying laughter has ruined my life in every conceivable way it haunts my dreams caused me to lose sleep at
00:18:50
night I lost my job my wife left me and took our daughter and moved back home with her family [ __ ] you George yeah
00:18:59
more please more these are real these are from real people man I can't get it
00:19:02
out of my [ __ ] head every time I try to go to sleep at night I just hear that stupid son of a bitch's laughter it's
00:19:09
driving me insane man I punched my wife in the throat the other day because she laughed just almost identical to him but
00:19:17
then again maybe I'm just hearing it I don't know she was asleep so I doubt it
00:19:22
great man I gotta make stop though hello hello uh and calling a bobie oh I could
00:19:33
hear I'm not going to hear no [Laughter] more please help Rudy is that somebody that you know
00:19:50
that sounds like somebody you might know yeah no I don't know you don't know who
00:19:54
that is no that's your mother that was your mom that called honey yep George's
00:20:00
annoying laughter I was listening to the podcast one day while driving and that they just popped up out of nowhere wait
00:20:07
mom I'll change the your diaper now it just popped up out of nowhere and it honestly scared me I almost swer right
00:20:14
into a 14 wheer next to me he almost killed me I should sue you're gonna get
00:20:18
sued George you're gonna get sued that that message though was very good yeah
00:20:22
because in between he did a bit he did a bit he's changing his mother's diaper
00:20:25
yeah yeah that was it was really nice but when he says changing his mother's
00:20:27
diaper but he's yelling across room that must mean they're reusing diapers he
00:20:30
must be cleaning it out right he's another room for sure right yeah right it was dist
00:20:38
disturbing um I mean I got the joke but he would just Howl in the back and [ __ ] me up man like I don't know
00:20:47
like where the [ __ ] is George man George people are really Disturbed honestly George this is bad George's
00:20:56
laughter has completely destroyed my life I can't go to sleep at night I can
00:21:03
hardly wake up in the morning every time I hear laughter I'm always worried that George
00:21:09
might be somewhere near me and it's the scariest thing ever I truly think I'm
00:21:14
suffering from emotional distress I need your help I need your legal representation so here's the deal we
00:21:20
have a law firm that people called and you know you and I are both we both have we passed the bar here in Southern
00:21:24
California oh yeah yeah I oh I passed the bar in three states you have three I only one yeah one in Nevada one here and
00:21:31
one in uh Delaware why Delaware it's the smallest state it's the easiest bar to
00:21:36
get over easy to get slow to the ground is it and not only that it's just easier
00:21:40
to get one there yeah they just want to hand it to you yeah yeah you're a lawyer
00:21:43
there in Delaware yeah we got one more call from someone who's very concerned oh my God is this
00:21:50
real I'm not gonna lie I love George's laughter hearing it in the background
00:21:54
you guys give pink dick too much [ __ ] yes you don't know [ __ ] you idiot [ __ ] meand Bob what kind of underwear
00:22:03
do you have on right now mandes it's the only underwear I wear because it's uh
00:22:06
it's so comfortable I like the patterns and designs and it's like I don't think
00:22:10
that I'll ever wear a different kind of underwear I think meundies is the underwear for life for me you know
00:22:14
whenever some people are like do they even use any of those ads we both wear meundies it's the only underwear that's
00:22:19
in my drawer because I threw away the other ones CU other underwear have seams on them they get uncomfortable they rip
00:22:25
they tear and they streak easily Bob and these don't I also like to perform with
00:22:29
me undies they're just so comfortable you moving around moving around and I just you know if I I don't ever do this
00:22:35
but if I do take my pants off on stage I also want to be fashionable up there that's right that's right me feels like
00:22:41
you're sitting on a heaven Cloud all right because it's so comfortable and
00:22:43
smooth and soft and nice think of how much better you'd be feeling if your aies were covered in pandas or sushi
00:22:48
rolls huh Bob what do you think about that don't you think you feel I have ones with raccoons on it I really like
00:22:54
raccoons we got to get you don't have the sushi ones the sushi ones are my favorite I eat them oh you ate your own
00:22:58
okay don't eat the meundies put them on your body they have classic colors right
00:23:01
they have all the classic but they also go ridiculous prints I've got pizza parlor on mine I've got little pieces of
00:23:05
pizza and cheese uh and your tush and your genitalia deserve the comfort that meundies has we have an amazing offer
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00:23:34
God Andrew this is the F my favorite thing in the whole world because during the pandemic my friend yeah it's been
00:23:39
tough it's been tough and I've literally used this um better help and um I do
00:23:45
therapy every week because of it and it's like uh you can it's so easy man
00:23:49
it's like you can start communicating with somebody in under 20 48 hours and
00:23:53
it's not not even a Cris crisis line or self-help it's like professional
00:23:58
counseling like done online but it's been so helpful no it really has I use therapy Bob and I both talked about it
00:24:04
we're pretty open about our troubles and look this is a great way it's much
00:24:08
cheaper the than than the other way which can be very very expensive this is done from your own home there's you know
00:24:13
clients worldwide these are real legit therapists that can help you get professional counseling done uh and
00:24:19
they're committed to facilitating therapeutic matches for you online but what's surprising about better help
00:24:24
which is it's really affordable and it's then more than like traditional um
00:24:28
offline counseling and financial aid is available for people too better help wants you to start living a happier life
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today they have tons and tons of people who have taken charge of their mental health millions of people and are using
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certain you know certain counselors you can go to betterhelp.com badri that's
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help HP betterhelp.com bad friends and you can read all these reviews Bob and I are big proponents on getting mental
00:24:56
health because it's very important um people are using this and you should too
00:25:00
we have our offer for our bad friends listeners use it you want to talk to someone do it special offer for bad
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friends listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com bad friends I'm
00:25:12
tired of um people thinking that we're being mean to people please they know
00:25:17
we're having fun yeah we're having fun and um you know I have to be honest with
00:25:23
you George is not a good guy tell me more well George and these are things and I I you know when I first met George
00:25:33
yeah we had a meeting and um he says you know these are things that um please don't you know tell
00:25:41
people about my life about my history and you did it right away no I've never
00:25:46
said it and I'm saying it here for the first time oh okay yeah yeah uh he likes
00:25:51
well when he was a kid right he fondled um squirrels you know he really would fondle squirrels really yeah yeah he
00:26:00
would well he was he's from the forest I I understand right he from the woods he
00:26:04
raised in the wild right so he would capture you know I mean but these aren't
00:26:07
just um adult squirrels these were kids squirrels oh no yeah yeah yeah they didn't have no they didn't have that
00:26:14
brown patch of hair down there and their Squirrel Nuts haven't dropped yet yeah
00:26:17
they they're little drop no Squirrel Nuts right and he used to lick his you know finger like that right and like rub
00:26:24
even the penises rub it like this right and and squir right and and he would rub
00:26:31
it hard right and one time two two squirrel babies right he rubbed it so much it started a little fire oh no
00:26:40
flames yeah he lit squirrels on fire by rubbing their genitals yeah he rubbed so
00:26:44
like this so hard circular right so that's number one and so that's you know
00:26:49
not illegal you still wanted to work with the guy huh yeah he's very good with numbers he is and he's very
00:26:54
proactive yes right so and the second thing he did was um he didn't there was an old lady yeah in
00:27:02
the forest that lived right and she had 52 bags you of Safeway bags full of groceries one one for each week she like
00:27:10
to hoard she likes no she likes to hoard right and get all her shopping done in in for the year right I'm saying she has
00:27:17
one bag for a week exactly right yeah so she's like George will you please help
00:27:22
me and he goes [ __ ] you [ __ ] or something like that George yeah [ __ ] right and so she was carry Mac
00:27:29
Truck she died she got hit by a Mac Truck and then George's laugh at across the street George did you laugh when old
00:27:36
lady 1 years old 17 years old ew dude yeah um what are other Secrets here's another secret um he was taking a [ __ ]
00:27:44
right in the forest right and he didn't have any toilet paper so he wiped his
00:27:48
ass with the Bible whoa yeah Corinthians dude Corinthians Corinthians new test yeah new test old test yeah yeah yeah
00:27:56
yeah right you've heard you've heard things correct I've heard so much bad
00:28:00
stuff about George in fact in fact here here's what happened when we talked about doing this show yeah we met uh we
00:28:06
met at uh a restaurant on Ventura yeah uh in the neighborhood and I said to him uh hey I'm going to be running uh a
00:28:13
little bit late because I have to go right next door and grab something from CBS he says I'll I'll just get us a
00:28:20
table you know yeah that's how he sounds and he and he got us a table right and I
00:28:25
walk in on time actually so he thinks I'm going to be two minutes late I'm
00:28:29
actually on time because it worked out better I see the way he's talking to the
00:28:33
waitress I'm not kidding I'm not making this up she's a little plump she's a
00:28:36
little a little thick she's probably 5 to you know 33 rot she's rotund right
00:28:43
she she look like violet board when she blows up in Willy Wonka anyway George looks her in the face I'm not joking he
00:28:51
goes I said club soda fat ass and she starts crying and he goes yeah keep crying maybe you'll lose some weight
00:28:58
maybe I swear to God he goes maybe you're carrying around water weight and so then I I I enter and I said George
00:29:05
what was that all about and he stumbled Mr oh I left some to get my car he got in his car he left so that's how he
00:29:12
treats people when we're not looking can I tell you another he does please just
00:29:16
cuz you take a letter out of a like racial you know I mean slur doesn't make
00:29:21
it right of course not like we were driving right wee back you can't say we back said we back that's what he said
00:29:27
yeah yeah see he laughing he loves it yeah yeah when I met when I met um when I met
00:29:35
George outside of your old place for the first time when I first did Tiger belly
00:29:39
yeah uh you were like oh George will come down and open up the gate and George comes downstairs and I'm not
00:29:45
kidding he's got his penis out George had his penis out and he's pushing in
00:29:49
the code for the gate with his penis I bet yeah yeah yeah and and he's and he's
00:29:53
going like this to me smiling waving his hands as I know I know I know I thought
00:29:58
for a second okay comedy world he gets comedy this isn't this okay but then this is insane I look across the street
00:30:06
what's across the street from your old place an elementary school wow and he
00:30:10
wasn't waving at me he's waving at the kids showing him the code well you know
00:30:16
I went we went to a pottery class uhhuh George and I went to a pottery class right and there's children old ladies
00:30:23
you know I mean a couple of black people d as well right all kinds of people everybody likes Pottery right
00:30:31
right and you're painting and he did the same you know there's two a brush you
00:30:35
know because we we molded oh you did it on the wheel we molded on the wheel right we did it like the movie Ghost
00:30:41
right so he went right behind me right and we're just doing it right and then
00:30:45
all of a sudden I'm like um is your dick in my [ __ ] was it yes e his dick was
00:30:51
in my [ __ ] no approval by the way no approval right and then after the [ __ ] Pottery dry put in the oven and
00:30:57
whatnot right he painted it with his dick oh my God right so it was just like these like little dots from his the hole
00:31:04
like a little you know from a slip yeah from the slip yeah I got to tell you I don't approve rude do you like George at
00:31:09
all now that you now that you know the secrets that we're not supposed to tell
00:31:13
yeah how do you feel yeah he's scary see he is very scary very scary and he's not
00:31:19
a man that you want around you correct and I'm going to tell you right now Jules when he calls you o
00:31:26
right Jules and you're like what does that mean I'm afraid to tell you what it
00:31:31
is but he always goes hey you o right and I'm like yeah well he thinks it's
00:31:35
cute he goes hi ukie he think it's he thinks it's like a fun term of endearment it's like U I was afraid to
00:31:40
tell you what it meant and so I'm just letting you know add whatever letter you
00:31:44
want in front of O I bet you could figure it out yeah you could fill her figure out it's not a vowel how about
00:31:49
that yeah well anyway so George is a bad guy but he's really good with numbers and
00:31:54
he's uh very um hardworking he's a politician yeah he's very good uh
00:31:59
speaking of which it's um it's election time and uh and I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to
00:32:07
right now Kanye Kanye 2020 yeah yep we want him to win president of course you did yeah um here's the deal yeah we we
00:32:18
have a thing that we're about I'm filling you in as we go we're going to
00:32:23
do best since we can't have a president of the podcast right people say why don't you guys do a presidential race of
00:32:27
the podcast I said no one can be the president of the podcast because there's
00:32:31
three parties right you can't and there has to be two only two parties so I think she's kind of like the green party
00:32:38
she's the green right yeah okay and what are you democrat and what am I Republican you bet your ass yeah no but
00:32:46
the truth is we have to run against each other and I think the we've decided to
00:32:50
make you and I are going to are going to run Andreas has compiled some questions
00:32:54
for us okay and so does it debate uhhuh oh [ __ ] because of the I didn't prepare
00:33:00
it doesn't neither did I but we're running for we you you have debate people that you practice with we're
00:33:06
running for best Tito okay best Tito and and she's going to choose who's best
00:33:11
Tito do you understand all right good evening from the bad friend studio in Los Angeles
00:33:21
California I'm fancy B your moderator and I'm welcoming to the first and only
00:33:27
B friend best American Tito debate of 2020 between Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew the commission of very important debates
00:33:36
have decided the format four sections of approximately four minutes each with one
00:33:42
minute of interrupted opening statements from each candidate for the record the candidates have not agreed to respect
00:33:49
any rules I have decided to topics and the questions and I can assure you none of the questions have been shared with
00:33:56
any of the candidates as a precussion the candidates have agreed not to shake hands at the
00:34:02
beginning of the debate George has promised not to laugh no noise except for now when we welcome
00:34:10
Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew yeah thank you thank you very much thank you so much thank you thank you good to be here
00:34:16
thank you so gentlemen a lot of people have been waiting for this moment so let's
00:34:21
start our first topic is house roles Tito Bobby you have said you leave dirty plates everywhere you have a drawer full
00:34:29
of ANS and you leave boogers in your guest bedroom Tito Andrew you have called your opponent disgusting and
00:34:37
accuse him of unsanitary practices you prefer to have plastified unused furniture and spotless
00:34:44
rooms why are you right in your opponent run we start with you Tito Bobby um I am
00:34:49
right because um as we know life is hard for some of us yes for most no for you for for sure well for us
00:34:58
that struggle right and know what humanity is about and know what hardship is you're you know I mean he's been
00:35:05
taking money from the Chinese for years he's been taking money from the Chinese
00:35:10
excuse me excuse me explain the email excuse me explain the email excuse me there's a little email that we have on
00:35:15
file that says that says you're taking unite and group together there is no sides there's no red or blue R andell
00:35:23
we're just Americans we're Americans are you where were you born I was born in
00:35:27
San Diego California show I my I don't need a passport cuz I have a birth certificate show me that much show me
00:35:34
your birth certificate hoax fake news how am I fake news okay you're the one
00:35:40
who keeps who keeps unkempt records of yourself you're L you were late to this
00:35:43
debate you were how what kind of person wants a Tito who's late to the debate
00:35:48
let me ask the question at hand why don't we leave the questions up to the moderator let me finish my point sir go
00:35:51
ahead go ahead well you shut up man life is hard let me honestly can I finish without him interrupting 30 seconds how
00:36:00
is that even 30 seconds when he [ __ ] interrupted me here we go all right so let me just finish all right sir thank
00:36:07
you life is hard okay and I know that when Jules leaves our house right she is going to be confronted with all kinds of
00:36:14
elements right and I want to be able to toughen her skin right I want her to succeed and I want her to know what um
00:36:20
tough love is etc etc so what what I do is I put things around the house purposely bodily fluids yeah he puts
00:36:27
bodily fluid around the home I'm going to tell you this right now you want a
00:36:29
Tito who does stuff like that yeah can I say something right now when she goes out in the world right yeah and some
00:36:34
homeless person spits in her face she'll know what to do she'll have the immune
00:36:37
system to fight it off homeless people by the way in my under my under my regime as Tito right everyone's homeless
00:36:43
everyone's homeless I know everyone's hom right so I am preparing her for a a
00:36:48
hard life a difficult life right and she one day will be grateful for my [ __ ] tutelage okay can I have the floor
00:36:56
please cuz see this guy well Andrew you have been going over the limit great so I think we have a lot of questions we
00:37:04
have to mov thank and you know what this is this is CNN propaganda that's what
00:37:09
this is this is MSNBC and I know and I know and let me tell you something why don't you show why don't you talk what
00:37:15
they muted my mic that's really good they should mute M why don't you talk about your son why
00:37:23
don't you talk about your son who was on heroin my son Al Fredo right yeah he was
00:37:28
on heroin traff business was never on heroin he owned a pizza parlor and the clintons were running kids out of the
00:37:36
Parlor what's the excuse there we made pizzas my my son made pizzas and I said
00:37:41
he had a human trafficking business you made he did not Sho heroin he did not shoot heroin next question okay our next
00:37:48
look is dedicated to holidays thank you my expertise by the way thank you well you're welcome you
00:37:57
have handle Halloween uh by turning the lights of your house and hiding from kids Tito Andrew on the other hand have
00:38:04
been given 50 bags of candy 50 so uh the question that nephews and nieces Across
00:38:10
America want to know how are you going to deal with Christmas well here's here's we start
00:38:17
with Tito Andrew thank you well I as a Christian God-fearing adult male who loves baby Jesus uh both black baby
00:38:26
Jesus and white baby Jesus uh I handle Christmas with care with Precision with expertise and with love I decorate my
00:38:34
home uh I give away gifts to the homeless increments of of of a thousand I give away $10 $100 bills to people at
00:38:42
random on the street I'm very giving I'm very loving and uh I I believe that
00:38:48
during the holidays we need to be praising the good Lord preaching the good word and uh making sure that we
00:38:55
instill these beliefs into the youth for the rest of time uh and and I am someone
00:39:01
I'm a Tito who gives gifts as people know of this show have I given you gifts
00:39:05
yeah I have have I given you gifts I'm not done have I given you gifts no you
00:39:09
have not I just gave you two today this is not a gift sure and and this is how he feel this is not a gift
00:39:17
and this is how a privileged person feels this is insulting this is how a privileged person feels about everything
00:39:23
they don't want anything you give to them it isn't enough cuz it didn't cost
00:39:26
enough he didn't like his cake him for his birthday cuz it was from Von right
00:39:29
you you it's like if I give you an eyebrow trimmer that is not a gift that is something to help you I would love it
00:39:34
if you gave me one and may I have the may may I have the floor I'm not D may
00:39:39
may I have the floor rebuttal Tito Andrew I mean shut up Tito Bobby is your time it is true I will Deport you this
00:39:47
guy is getting deported after this it is true that I do not give children candy on Halloween yeah that is a fact but
00:39:57
what you do not realize is that I give the kids candy every other day after that prove it I do I go around ask I go
00:40:07
around right after Halloween I'll go up to any random child give them candy they
00:40:12
go why give because I will give you candy not Halloween but every single other day and they go thank you there's
00:40:19
no proof of this this is a lie it is not a ever seen I I do do it all right and here's the thing right you've given
00:40:25
[ __ ] Juliana gifts yes giv her the gift of life you didn't give you're not
00:40:29
her father I know but I give her food nutrients and shelter and blankies as we know do you not have a blankie do you
00:40:37
have a blankie I have right do you have do you have a temperic bed yes thank you as we know uh Tito Bobby only gives
00:40:49
gifts to Rudy jws to hold them over her head when he wants something in return He has tried to blackmail her as you've
00:40:55
seen on the show on the show he blackmailed her with Starbucks he told what can she do for me what what can she
00:41:02
do for me enr Enlighten she is the youth that's the future I have not learned
00:41:06
anything except for certain anime shows from her what the sharpest knives are yep right that's pretty much it she's
00:41:13
given you more than you could ever give to anybody because you're a selfish person and she is not next question um
00:41:20
selfish question mic's got cut good next question Okay so B I have a question or a statement I
00:41:30
want to make to you I've always wanted to learn a different language and the
00:41:33
one language I want to learn and I'm doing it through Babel is Portuguese because I want to be able to talk to
00:41:38
Cristiano Ronaldo oh what do you think you'd say to him if you did El Guapo or
00:41:42
something like that you're handsome and you know sexual something sexual something sexual um I've you know so
00:41:48
Babel is different than other um you know language learning programs yeah it very much so is they are they use a
00:41:54
method designed to get you speaking a new language within weeks which which is insane because most other ones take
00:41:59
months and months real talk like slang and how normal people talk in that particular language yes if you ever
00:42:05
worked in uh in a restaurant industry and you're a young white dork like me and you had Mexican men making fun of
00:42:10
you Babel would have helped me a lot because I would have learned what what all those slangs were yeah Babel does
00:42:15
help you teach you Street language and also proper uh proper language uh words and phrases to get you back running up
00:42:22
with whomever you're speaking with but it gets really complex as well you I mean you can like speak you know
00:42:27
to a politician as well by using Babel it's not just Street [ __ ] no you no you
00:42:33
start you start with words and phrases and then sentences gradually as they get more complex uh then you can do
00:42:37
conversations it's they they get you doing a daily 10 to 15 minute lesson so
00:42:41
that's super quick and easy uh over 10 million people have tried this so why
00:42:46
wouldn't you be another one these are real language experts that have created
00:42:48
this program and algorithms so it's pretty Flawless yep we Bob and I have uh
00:42:54
committed that he's going to learn P Portuguese and I really want to learn French just because I want I want to
00:42:59
have this accent I just I really like I really like french bread and I figure that adds up for me uh right now Babel
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r i n NS there you go Babble language for Life keeps guess what Andrew I'm losing my hair and I'm really going to
00:43:33
do this thing keeps yeah I've already I've already used it I I've been losing
00:43:36
my hair since I was uh six I think six or seven it started to fall out you were telling me about it and I was like you
00:43:40
know I I want to start doing it too because it's really working for you look
00:43:43
it's a bummer for dudes cuz our hair falls out of our head chicks don't really have to worry about that as much
00:43:47
as the dudes do uh we get in our 20s and 30s we start noticing hair loss almost every dude on Earth unless you're you
00:43:53
know Brad Pit um and uh two out of three guys are going to experience a form of male pattern baldness and you used to
00:43:59
have to go to the doctor's office to get something like this done no more those
00:44:03
days are those days are gone you can do it online dude and it gets delivered to your house they make it so easy uh they
00:44:08
deliver medication every 3 months you can say goodbye to go into the pharmacy and people are embarrassed about this
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you shouldn't be most dudes have some kind of hair thinning okay unless you're
00:44:16
Rob low and you know what I don't even trust robow who knows what he uses so
00:44:20
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00:44:39
that's definitely worth keeping your hair we're all losing it me for sure my
00:44:45
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00:44:50
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receive your first month of treatment for free that's keeps k ps.com bad friends on the topic of being a good
00:45:00
uncle on your on your last episode Tito Bobby you have described Rudy as an ungrateful Mongol Feit Oak Tito Andrew
00:45:10
you have mocked Rudy's accent constantly so why would any of you be a good uncle
00:45:15
for America Tito Bobby like I said Okay the reason why I put the boogers on her wall and I insult
00:45:22
her right is because I'm trying to strengthen her because she does she is not from this country right she is not
00:45:29
she is from the islands of the Philippines it's taking money from China and people from the Philippines just
00:45:35
know that that's his agenda she is in a new land right and I am just trying to
00:45:39
um help her grow she's grown a human being she's an adult grown human being
00:45:45
survive in this crazy world she knows how right she doesn't need and she doesn't need your disgustin and let me
00:45:50
tell you something and when you call her o I never said that when you call her a
00:45:54
Fed o fake news you're a white person fake fake for you to do that for you to
00:45:58
do that not blood related fake I'm blood related no you're not yes no you're not
00:46:04
yes she is no you're not she's my sister's [ __ ] daughter no I have a
00:46:08
sister named honey it's my daughter that's not your sister she is you're not
00:46:11
Filipino I am Philipino no you're Korean 25% Filipino you're 112% Korean and the
00:46:18
extra 12 we can tell we all know where that 12% you you are obvously white sir for you to call a young Filipino lady a
00:46:26
island pan is o no I never said that you were the one that says Mongol feet you were the one that says racial epithets I
00:46:32
simply have you ever seen her climb a tree no she can and quickly the IE only tease her accent
00:46:41
because it's sweet and loving I've never insulted her I've never called her names
00:46:45
like you have you call her um degenerate brat you've called her the seword off
00:46:50
air I've seen it yeah yeah Catherine c yeah I've called her Catherine but
00:46:54
Catherine in Filipino means something else pal beautiful no it means the c word it means [ __ ] yes yes he does this
00:47:01
and this is okay okay we we yes thank you guys thank you let's try to keep it
00:47:06
civil we're trying okay we have our next topic is quality time oh Tito Bobby my expertise
00:47:14
you have complained about waking up to go to see a satellite lunching or to go fishing MH you decided to stay in the
00:47:22
pool while your family went hiking in the Philippines and to stay in your hotel dur yourent recent trip to Joshua
00:47:28
3 why would you say um to those who call you lazy and that you want to spend time
00:47:35
it's really about um point of view and perception mhm and um let me ask you something all right when you hike when
00:47:43
one hikes anywhere in the world right you you don't want to it doesn't want
00:47:48
you don't want it to take a week you wanted to take a couple of hours right if I went on the hike it would take
00:47:57
weeks for you to get through the hike because I'm so slow like a sloth right
00:48:02
so I'm being mindful about their time right I want to go to the hikes I look
00:48:08
them in the eyes I go may I go but you don't go and they say Tito Bobby she says Tito Bobby right you know I have
00:48:15
school next week right I have a life to live you I mean I want to be able to get
00:48:20
through this hike today right so you can watch you know what I mean your movies in the hotel room room right and you can
00:48:28
go to the buffet in the morning right the high class one right and have your pastries right well I partake but thank
00:48:34
you so much for volunteering and this is and this is what somebody says when they
00:48:39
don't have the best Tito someone like me best Tito you've never taken anywhere
00:48:43
you've never taken her anywhere you know why you know why you know why I've taken
00:48:47
her San Francisco Canada I can't take her anywhere Canada New York Hawaii I can't take her anywhere because because
00:48:54
you're because I'm a white male no and if I'm seen around town with her in a
00:48:58
van they're going to think that's a kidnapped kid yeah why do you a white
00:49:02
van why do you have a white van why is it white yes so everyone can see where I'm going all right I'm a great Tito and
00:49:09
I would love to take Rudy out to lunch or somewhere nice I would always be on time I would take her for a hike and I
00:49:15
would get the hike done on time a good Tito you've never done it sir because
00:49:19
you're all talk because it's illegal because it's illegal because it's
00:49:23
illegal you keep her caged up at your house I'm the one that have at proof do
00:49:27
you have a to do you live in a cage kind of kind of you live in a cage she lives
00:49:32
in a cage you heard it America you live in a cage the Le CAG hon be honest you live in a cage yep kind of uh all right
00:49:41
I love it next question okay but Tito Andrew in on this topic of quality time made me so [ __ ] mad just now it looks
00:49:48
mute him yeah Tito Andrew it looks like you have some rage issues It's Not Unusual to see your face go red I I mean
00:49:57
redder than usual your eyebrows like palpitate and and you yell a lot you know like so why would anyone want to
00:50:07
spend some quality time with you here's why the only time that I get upset and I get more red than I am is
00:50:14
simply when somebody disrespects my time Andor space Tito Bobby the worst Tito in
00:50:21
the room never respects my time or my space doesn't care about what I've got
00:50:25
scheduled or what I've got going on and that's the only reason that I have anger
00:50:29
issues which by the way I'm in therapy I've been in therapy for it for a long
00:50:32
time I'm working through it I'm I I have multiple therapy therapists by the way
00:50:36
okay I am in therapy it's working I'm struggling through it it's not easy but
00:50:41
I'll say this have I ever yelled at you directly have I ever screamed at you I
00:50:45
have not I yell at someone that disrespects me in my time and I am therefore the best heard Andrew uh Tito
00:50:51
Andrew scream though yeah and do at whom at whom Tito Bobby that's right do you
00:50:56
get affected by it it's scary sometimes thank you so much it's called residual
00:51:02
no it's residual fear it's scary because it's scary because you think I might
00:51:06
actually hurt Tito Bobby but he deserves it it's funny it's funny my friend it's
00:51:10
funny my friend oh don't talk to me like that I'm not your friend I've had so
00:51:13
many people call me and go how do you work with that guy oh is that what they say right you know what they say to me
00:51:18
so how do you work with that guy how do you work with a man full of Rage unreliable and anger and hostility dirty
00:51:27
and I say I can see through that thick [ __ ] disgusting crust and see a kind of a human and yours is so
00:51:36
thick I can't see through it that's who you really are and you always result to
00:51:39
meanness ladies and gentlemen I am of course the best Tito I am the best Tito because I'm the one that have the actual
00:51:46
experience and the facts he's never lived in our house he's never been a
00:51:49
Tito I'm the one I'm the one that's you done it two I'm the one that's Tak her
00:51:54
to San Francisco I'm the one that takes cabonara sauce oh San Francisco city in
00:51:59
the United States remember that Melrose Melrose that restaurant that you really liked I got you cabonara that night cut
00:52:05
his mic okay final question the most important of all you live in a cage huh interesting a lot can be learned I got
00:52:15
[ __ ] cut out from how others judge you so can you please take your phones out and open your Uber app please tell
00:52:22
America what your rating is okay okay what's your what's your what's go ahead Tito Bob what's your
00:52:28
rating on Uber on Uber what is it 488 488 yeah my Uber rating is 489 I swear it's 48 fine well that's
00:52:58
fine and there there you have it there I have it okay now we have Rudy here to decide who is the best Tito put your
00:53:08
phone down oh sorry hold sorry I don't want to interrupt this is real interesting I
00:53:16
think both of you just kept screaming at each other there weren't a lot of points
00:53:30
taken you have to choose one but I think you have to choose one no I can't you have to choose
00:53:39
one how are those sandals that you're wearing the new ones they're comfortable
00:53:43
right you have to choose one or that knife that remember that cool knife I got you you have or that frame Dart
00:53:49
behind you you have to choose one this is hard it doesn't matter you have to
00:53:52
choose one right now the choice is clear here do you want to sleep in your bed tonight be honest just answer there's no
00:54:06
consequences okay I think Tito Andrew is really nice and I'm very um grateful to
00:54:13
I know where this is going but I think Tito Bobby wins take off the shoes take off the
00:54:22
shoes best Tito well as you see there is no I'm not far off cuz I'm the best
00:54:30
other Tito I got a little hostile Che cheers my friend cheers to the best Tito May
00:54:38
the best position I would love one okay but you know what I want to do Transportation uh how about how about
00:54:45
removal of people yeah yeah yeah removal of people is fine yeah yeah yeah we got
00:54:47
to get rid of some people yeah that's true that is true that is true hey I appreciate the honesty you did a great
00:54:54
job I'll tell you why it's mine's a 48 I know why mine is the first time I ever
00:55:04
did Uber I didn't know how it worked right and I didn't tip the person through my app they don't but that's not
00:55:11
why they rated you low yeah really yeah I got rated low low all of the first one
00:55:17
like a zero or something and I'm like what I gave a friend you know how you I
00:55:20
called an Uber for a friend yeah and he threw up in their car okay and Uber char
00:55:26
charges you a puke fee right yeah so the next day he by the way who a friend it's
00:55:31
it's a guy from back he doesn't tell me I don't he doesn't tell me that he threw
00:55:36
up yeah I think he took the Uber home and he was fine right I called him the Uber because we were still staying
00:55:41
out well I get a charge on my $100 and it says damage to vehicle so I contact Uber I said damage to vehicle because I
00:55:49
had taken an Uber later and I was like how I took one to the airport what did I do to the car this is a lie that guy's a
00:55:54
liar yeah and he goes yeah well there's throw up in the car and it's a cleanup
00:55:58
fee it's a mandatory fee that we charge you automatically and I said I never
00:56:01
threw up in the car finally it clicks I call my buddy I'm like you throw up in
00:56:05
the car he's like yeah dude I'll venmo you and I was like why wouldn't you tell
00:56:08
me and he was like I I just I figured is that a game changer for you with that friendship we're not friends anymore no
00:56:13
being real we're not friends anymore because of that event yeah yeah you threw up and you didn't tell me that's
00:56:17
so lame why would you just be like my bad I forgiveness no not today it ruined my rating I had such you got to be real
00:56:24
see I no be real I was in the 49 no you you I swear to God in my life real story
00:56:29
you're literally not friends with we don't talk right don't throw up and not
00:56:33
tell me that's so [ __ ] up cuz what if I that why that's not it's not money
00:56:36
it's just like that's not that's not cool so then I got a bad rating I
00:56:40
contacted the driver personally through Uber in the email and I was like hey man
00:56:44
that was my friend this isn't me so please can you change my rating he's
00:56:47
like no you can't change the rating once it's ch once I already gave you a star
00:56:51
it doesn't matter yeah it's so fun and and then he wrote an email don't let
00:56:54
your friends use your Uber that's what he said said I was being nice and I gave
00:56:58
someone a ride because they they were like oh I don't have Uber on my phone so
00:57:02
I gave him a u when a friend does something right that's a little weird to me like really weird like that no there
00:57:09
like I I it completely ruins the friendship like I went out to eat with a friend of mine and I said it's my tree
00:57:18
right yeah he said cool and then he ate half a salad what yeah he ate half of a salad and he tells the waiter he goes
00:57:25
don't charge me for that it was terrible no yeah you ate it you pay yeah but I looked at him and I went dude
00:57:32
don't worry about it I'm paying for it he's like no no no dude don't you can't
00:57:36
you can't you can't pay for that that's and it made a stink of it and I just
00:57:40
thought to myself oh we're done yeah that's a cheap guy I can't do it how
00:57:44
much was the salad 10 bu what could have what it could have been yeah it was just
00:57:47
the act of it that's what I'm saying like how cheap I don't like it have you
00:57:51
lost friends like that from a bunch from others a lot of other stuff what else I'm trying to become friends with this
00:57:58
guy again right because I feel guilty about it but he does one thing that really bothers me what is it he because
00:58:06
we were kids we grew up together right so he does this thing where he touches me and run away what like a CH like a
00:58:13
child playing tag yeah and then I have to touch him and I run away right well you participate I know but it doesn't
00:58:19
matter it's like if I if I don't like if he touches me right and he runs away and
00:58:24
I don't chase after him he will touch me again again until you chase him until I chase
00:58:30
him so then eventually it'll get to a point where I oh [ __ ] you know it's
00:58:33
always after dinner when does it end it just goes back and forth and then in my mind I got to win right so him and I
00:58:39
just running around in a [ __ ] Park I'm in my 40s running around a parking lot he's hiding behind a [ __ ]
00:58:45
dumpster he climbs the [ __ ] fence and I tag his shoe then I run the other way and he chases me it's a [ __ ]
00:58:51
nightmare this sounds like you're just upset because you don't win no no it
00:58:55
it's it's like I don't want to do this game anymore but you do cuz you
00:58:58
participate so stop it's because he touches me first so you do want to play the game I don't want to play it I just
00:59:03
don't I need the last touch so don't touch me at all so you do play the game
00:59:07
if he starts it he starts it every [ __ ] time he starts the game every [ __ ] time but you don't you just don't you
00:59:13
just don't want to lose that's what it is once he touches me the game is on
00:59:18
right but if he didn't touch me it's it's shaking hands is one thing but
00:59:22
that's not how he goes he'll go and he'll run he'll hit you a little bit
00:59:25
yeah that right like it's starting it's we're starting now right and I want to
00:59:30
go I'm on TV I don't do that anymore yeah you do yeah but I still do how old
00:59:34
is he same age yeah I grew up together two guys almost 50 to playing tag 50 playing tag you know can I tell you
00:59:39
something yeah something sweet about that it's something gay about it too why
00:59:43
do you guys kiss at the end is that how you know who wins no no but do you understand how that would
00:59:49
bother one I guess but like I have friends from that I grew up with that you have that old game that you play
00:59:55
yeah yeah I still I I have a photo I can show you that when we were in I ha hang
00:59:59
out with old friends and then they say something like you know remember Martin qu you're like what and when you're 12
01:00:06
you know what I mean you know what I mean like somebody threw a rock on your shoulder you cried yeah but it's like an
01:00:11
experience yeah it's like yeah I remember martiny who gives a [ __ ] and they're like wasn't that crazy yeah it
01:00:15
was crazy it's like 30 years ago 30 years I don't give a [ __ ] I have a
01:00:18
friend that I always hit in the nuts we have we always hit each other in the nuts yeah don't you you hate it right I
01:00:22
do but but I choke him I always choke him right really love it I get behind him I I I like choke him from behind
01:00:28
like if he's at a if we're like walking to another bar or restaurant I'll always
01:00:31
sneak up behind him and I'll and I'll put him in a choke do you like old that
01:00:35
old [ __ ] though or no it feels good when I can choke him cuz you can't do that to
01:00:38
adult other adults now and that's only with friends that you grow up with you
01:00:41
can't do that to new new friends and I'll tell you another that kind of bothered me I'm going to do it that
01:00:46
remember that band that kicked me out yeah they're going back together Laxton
01:00:49
yeah Laxton Supreme is making a [ __ ] comeback yeah why don't we make a band
01:00:53
and compete with no they invited to be back can I go but I'm thinking are you
01:00:57
using my you know notoriety to no they would never maybe not huh I do it no of course they using your notoriety you
01:01:05
bozo head I'll do it huh no are they cool still yeah do you talk to any of them yeah have you been keeping up with
01:01:13
all of them no no but they text me why don't we form a why don't you and I form a band what
01:01:18
kind of music though the bad friends band Rudy can you play anything no she can sing I've seen you sing will you
01:01:24
sing a little something for us I can't I can't here here's here can I
01:01:30
say something here's the deal you either sing or you're off the show forever yeah
01:01:34
all right so um she was she had the audition for some sort of school look at her school school play all right so oh
01:01:42
rude what was the play um something rotten right yeah oh so the whole family it was like
01:01:50
Christmas or something the whole family was in the house we're talking about why
01:01:53
you laughing about [ __ ] 20 people right and somebody mentions Jules you have that audition coming up
01:02:01
she's like what no what and we're like yeah do it yeah sing the song and then
01:02:08
we all kind of gather together on the couch so mean I know and she walks in front of
01:02:13
everybody she starts singing and then halfway during it just her eyes bulge out she just she's committing to the
01:02:20
song tears coming down her eyes shaking [Music] why are you crying Jules I don't know I
01:02:34
just cried wait were you emotionally hurt or upset no I don't are you upset now no oh what's the song what is it uh
01:02:43
Lumineers by no the band is The Lumineers yeah yeah Lumineers and you sing it now yeah you sing it now no yeah
01:02:51
you sing it now you what's the song what's the name of the song before if
01:02:56
you sing it together yeah we will together what's it called ail is the one that goes uh uh girl dead SE Dead Sea
01:03:05
okay well yeah you you have to sing the okay we how about we'll play the wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
01:03:12
you do first I do second she does third verse you ready start from the top ready I headed west I was a man on the
01:03:22
move you're next I thought you were you reading the whole thing you reading the
01:03:25
whole fck thing right so it goes I had a w i was the man move New York had lied to me I need sing it just sing oh I
01:03:32
needed someone needed someone I could is that the same thing yes I don't gamble
01:03:36
but I do bet on us something yeah you're perfect I headed west I was the man on
01:03:41
the Move New York had lied to me I needed the truth oh I needed something someone I
01:03:50
could trust I don't gamble but if I did I would better was like the Dead Sea told me I was dead
01:03:59
like the Dead [Laughter] Sea you'll never sink when you are with me oh Lord yeah oh Lord like the Dead
01:04:14
Sea yeah yeah okay I'm like the Dead Sea the finest words you ever said to me me
01:04:27
honey can't you see I was born to be be your dead SE wow we're making a band
01:04:36
that hard is we're making a band it's not hard that was so good you about to
01:04:40
cry again no but my throat is very tight that's our band name my Thro my throat is very tight yeah yeah Rudy
01:04:50
you're really good yeah you want to do the whole thing or please please it was
01:04:54
so good yeah you told me you were good at running away domestic life it never sued you sued you like
01:05:04
Sue I don't know the to you left with just the clothes on your back you look the N when you took the
01:05:13
map yes there are times we live for somebody else your father died and you decided I
01:05:24
think she's out I think she's out okay I think she's out oh then you're out of
01:05:27
the band yeah cuz we're trying our best here to make a band but here here's the
01:05:30
thing rude um Jew uh Julie is is that you know you Sayang it in front of the house in front of you know 10 people you
01:05:38
just Sayang it in front of just now well how many people are listening hundreds of thousands hundreds of thousands of
01:05:44
people yeah yeah what's is now can you do it in Christmas you think this Christmas do you can which you did it
01:05:52
was so heartbreaking it was oh when she oh I was going to say the song was she had to be whisked away you
01:05:59
know how they do that come here sweetie and the girls whisk them away into her room and I'm like smoking
01:06:04
giggling went yeah yeah like you what I mean it should have been Steve Harvey at
01:06:09
the Apollo where they pull the cane you know when she's he's like get your ass
01:06:13
off stage and they just pull her back so we're forming a band that's it you guys
01:06:18
comment below on what you want the band to be called cuz we're starting a band
01:06:21
The Bad friend's band you're not going back to Laxton we're starting a new band
01:06:24
have you have you watched the comedy Central documentary about The Comedy Store Showtime documentary about The
01:06:28
Comedy Store what I have is it good yeah yeah it's pretty powerful they did some
01:06:33
great stuff I I I smoked smoke smoke I spoke to Mike binder today about it who created it literally what' he say I mean
01:06:40
you know it's just we kind of went into the depths of like it was wild about how
01:06:43
Sam Kennison really died for young people that don't know who Sam Kennon was or or you do if you're a comedy fan
01:06:48
it's it's a it's a sham well look no no no I shouldn't say young some people
01:06:51
don't know some people are are are older and don't know who he was but Kennison
01:06:56
had died I heard two different version of the story and I told Mike this today I said you know I had heard two version
01:07:01
of the story that Kennison had gotten clean and was going to do the gig in laughland
01:07:05
Nevada um and spoiler alert he dies he got hit he they he tried to pass a a truck in an 18wheeler and he got smoked
01:07:13
head on and he died and his wife lived uh car laau was there okay so car leau tells the story in the documentary which
01:07:20
I highly recommend and I'm not blowing anything because it's known that Kennison died with Carl but Carl's
01:07:25
perspective was interesting because that he told kind of the opposite which was no he was still getting [ __ ] up he was
01:07:31
still using Coke heavily still drinking still being irresponsible um and car tells the
01:07:36
moment that Kennison died in his arms yeah and I got to tell you it's on the
01:07:41
documentary and I highly suggest watching it it's it's extremely powerful
01:07:46
because it's simple he's telling it you can tell he's not hyperbolizing the
01:07:49
story there's no lies you can tell he's saying it like literally what happened
01:07:53
he was looking away from him he said his eyes looked like they were at the sky and they kept saying you're going to be
01:07:57
okay buddy you're not you're you're not going to die cuz he kept saying I don't
01:08:00
want to die right now yeah and he said what are you talking you're not going to
01:08:04
die and he goes I realized he wasn't talking to me he was looking straight up
01:08:08
in the sky oh my God and he was talking to somebody else oh my God and he reiterated the way he says it and he
01:08:13
said when he snapped back into reality he could hear cars and ambulances and his wife crying and he said it took a
01:08:19
lot for me to forgive him but the thing I never knew what Caro told me or told us was yes he was still getting [ __ ]
01:08:26
up he wasn't sober he hadn't reached that point which was a lie publicly
01:08:30
people thought he was and also carbo's daughter yeah that's the most Shakespearean well can I finish it for
01:08:37
the fans yeah but I just want can I just throw in my yeah but let it's Shakespearean let this let this go real
01:08:44
quick I Caro's daughter turned out not to be his daughter it was Sam kenneson
01:08:48
his best friend was sleeping with his wife on drugs she got pregnant had the kid they never were able to talk about
01:08:54
it so imagine imagine your friend imagine imagine I knock up Kila I would know how the baby comes out
01:09:02
all redheaded and freaky looking oh you don't think you could have a redheaded
01:09:05
baby yeah it's going to have [ __ ] bushy eyebrows and angry it's going to
01:09:09
cry like that imagine a redheaded Filipino kid how bad would he get beat up if I sawell red hair on that baby I
01:09:17
might go to prison why for killing the baby I might throw it across the street yeah but they're resilient they can
01:09:22
bounce redheaded babies can bounce you think we haven't thrown out a Windows
01:09:25
would be it would be devastating I I'm going to tell you this right now if I
01:09:30
had a baby and it came out with a little red head and I asked Kila is that Andrew
01:09:35
baby and she said yeah right you I would literally probably May kill you why it would be such it would be great for the
01:09:41
show all right the numbers are good the numbers are good no because Carl see Carl you know
01:09:49
when I came to The Comedy Store him and I became instant friends yeah I've heard
01:09:53
he's a good dude yeah in fact um he used to like him and his at the time he was
01:09:57
dating this a an ex- waitress from The Comedy Store yeah and they would invite me to his house I was like kind of like
01:10:03
an open micer almost yeah like today they would make food right and then when I made some money I helped to get his
01:10:08
teeth fixed oh really yeah why cuz he had messed up teeth one day he was talking and it smell like [ __ ] and I
01:10:15
said um so mean it just smelled like pure dog [ __ ] like that's so mean Bob it didn't
01:10:23
smell good he had rotting teeth yeah and I go oh man what the [ __ ] is that [ __ ] did you eat [ __ ] for lunch yeah and
01:10:31
he goes no man I just have hole this hole and it hurts so bad and he goes I you know I asked Roseanne for some money
01:10:39
and she wouldn't give me any for my teeth she's like how much yeah how much
01:10:42
is it and he's like 2500 bucks or and he paid me back but I gave him the money
01:10:47
that's amazing because I love him so much that so nice do that one of my Idols yeah in fact you know um Sabrina
01:10:54
one of Sam kennon's um his wife well yeah right she one day this actually happened cuz she knows I was a big Sam
01:11:03
kenneson fan and she go she comes to me and I was like I think I just got on Matt TV or something and she goes she
01:11:11
gives me a plastic bag and I open it up and it's just gigantic stinky shirt with a cut down here like
01:11:22
this open I go what is it she's like this is the Sam's favorite shirt that he used to
01:11:28
perform in I never watched it wow and I had it on today I found it today you need to frame that I found it today
01:11:37
right and I tried it on looked in the mirror it's so big on me right and I um
01:11:42
yeah but it's ironic coincidental that you brought that up yeah that you wore a Kennison
01:11:47
shirt today yeah Bobby I'm being genuine when I say this I'll buy you a frame but
01:11:52
you must frame that I'm going to frame it because that's the thing that'll just
01:11:55
get lost on accident you're right that's like that's it's not like the rooster
01:11:59
those can go yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean like that's a thing that I like George car gave me that he's dead
01:12:05
you get another one yeah no it's really special and um but people should watch
01:12:09
the showtime documentary it's about The Comedy Store if you care I know people
01:12:11
sometimes are like we've already heard about it's like look this is beautiful
01:12:15
insight and it's Leno Letterman uh uh Jim Carrey uh uh uh Burr but Paulie yelled at me because appar apparently he
01:12:23
said that I said in the documentary that the green wound smelled like his mom's
01:12:28
[ __ ] did it I don't know but I don't know remember did I say that on the
01:12:32
documentary I don't think I don't remember that that's what he told me
01:12:35
that I said and he yelled at me I don't remember that dude was I in it you you are in it okay yeah they said
01:12:42
it said Resident noodle that's what the tag said all right that's enough stop it
01:12:46
that's crazy JK thank you for being a bad friend W yeah [Music] woo [Music] wo
01:13:11
woo wo wo yeah woo yeah a