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hello andras I'm here T
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Bob and
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Bobby hello Andrew Carlos m
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Rudy Rudy
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Ry come out wherever you
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are Little Pigs Little Pigs let me in not by the hair of my chin chin
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chin then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house
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[Music]
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in here's fancy ow
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Ry I just wanted to let you know that we're live streaming October 24th at 600
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p.m. on moment.com byfriend it's going to be awesome
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guys hey everybody we're doing a bad friends live show it's called scary times USA scary time USA and how do you
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how do you watch it go to moment. badf friends it's Thursday October 24th at
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6:00 p.m. we're going to have exclusive merch available for it so bad friends scary time USA he dude America dude
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oober 24th at 6 p.m. PST we're live streaming it so join us moment. co/
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badri we'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patreon members can join
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the VIP Afterparty for free scary times USA you two are bad friends who are
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these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
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disgusting you two are something we're bad friends yeah oh see in in Japan wide
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eyes is scary have you know look at that that's horror
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they can't even come to America they get petrified they're scared of us yeah yeah if they go to Ohio dude out oh everybody
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is so scary look that little boy dude a Japanese guy has nightmares of just
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being in like Canton Ohio yeah he wakes up downtown he's like no no no yeah
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State fed I don't like a state Fed so much a corn yeah so much a corn what was
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that Italian so much a corn so cor so a COR don't even get me S I'm
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oh no I'm telling you right don't even give me start right now hey forget about
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it oh no yeah dude he's back yeah he's back I know you know what it's it's astonishing to me how fat I've gotten
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you're not fat dude the last couple of pod everybody's talking about how fat I am yeah you're fat I know but not bad
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fat it's pretty bad dude no no it's fun fat you're fun fat there is a level of bad fat there is like a line of when you're when you're fat fat well I I've
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had dates on like I've gone to the beach with dates you know what I mean and when I take my shirt off there is like a that
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kind of like hesitation that is a bad date spot how are you going to the beach what do you mean the beach is such a bad
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date spot sand yeah yeah yeah yeah I do picnics do it in the park okay that's
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right go down to Echo Park yeah I bring Boba I bring it all buns Bubba buns yeah
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I BR it know but um tell me for real how do you wash your laundry on hot or on tap what temperature warm I honestly
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don't know how any of it works I just press regular and that's all I know about it and then sometimes I don't even
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know how to like my dryer I don't even know how to do extension of the time do you dry everything yeah yeah well well
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my blankets are so large that I have to hang them afterwards I hang dry you hang
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dry I feel like cuz you're supposed to it shrinks yeah I have so many blankets I really do you're a little
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blanket boy I just I have a lot of blankets but I get them at par parachute what what is that to jump from a plane
00:04:32
no no it's a some sort of fancy [ __ ] it's fancy blankets and and sheets free waffle coton throw yeah yeah look at
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that how much is it they expensive Air1 water I don't get the B those are bath Roes go to the [ __ ] um blankets okay
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what's the point of a bathrobe yeah I don't know what it is what's the point you can wrap in a towel and then you walk around in the towel until you're
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dry and then you put on some underwear yeah I guess if you're old and you're cold a lot yeah they're pretty
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reasonable 320 yeah that doesn't seem crazy I don't even know probably seems like uh I've
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got the uh Jenna Jameson collection from Target oh that's nice yeah is it good nothing sticks to those
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sheets can't stain them it's good it's good cannot stain them dude so Dave
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Navaro texted me the other day what that's rad right no but it's because you
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know what happened right what happened with him Perry Ferrell oh I saw Perry like what did he he like he like pushed him on stage they got into a fight so
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Dave Navaro after getting into a fight text you yeah but it I don't know if it was for me so check this out oh I'm being real
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check this out what'd he say he goes um whoa so he texted me come in here want
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to hear this come here and sit down set him up in the blue chair sit down where would I sit in the blue chair in the
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blue chair ladies and gentlemen Tim D Tim the
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infamous myself on this chair I swear to God if what happens if I injure myself
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in the chair why okay which is a very big possibility yeah that's a you problem you're going to be fine well
00:06:02
we're talking about we're talking about Dave Navaro getting so Dave remember Dave Navaro what happened to him with Perry Ferell on stage have you seen this
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clip Jane's Addiction yeah yeah yeah look at he pushed him this is like a week ago this is a week ago he looks
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like he's Juiced up look at this he's pissed off pissed off look at him stomping around when Perry's like that
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you gotta you got to back away yeah he looks amped yeah he's angry like he's like Jan say look at J say right look at
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him and then he start to attack yeah yeah coming down the mountain look at him oh he's just trying to amp him up
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let's go play your licks he goes what what are you doing whoa what is going on there dude
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weird all right so then any anyway da Nar will text you after this two days later so Thursday yeah he goes did you
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just he goes did you just wake up from a dream I was in whoa did you yeah I ionically yes wow
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so this and then because it's obviously for a girl right so then I go what I've
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been dreaming about you for years good play the girl thing good are you okay from that that stage incident and
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nothing yeah that makes sense yeah so it was it was a girl that he was trying to attack named Bobby b o BBI yeah yeah
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yeah but she she might have also cared about how he was yeah what do you mean
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well I mean she could have asked that oh yeah she could have absolutely but why didn't he respond cuz he didn't get the
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answer he wanted yeah what's oh should I do another answer absolutely not okay that's the way to get a number block you
00:07:36
do one more you're going to come up green oh really okay yeah ladies and gentlemen Tim the guest of year we've never cted together Tim Dylan never ever
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a lot of stand because you know he canceled on tiger belly three times you've canceled on me multiple times no that's not that's insane you've canceled
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that's Bob canel [ __ ] insane that you wouldn't even say that
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both everybody knows Bobby never cancel also Tim Tim this too I have canel more
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you canceled first I canceled first and I have canceled more you have canceled that okay I'm more wrong okay but you
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know the game tag where you tag and then you run away right I didn't start the game tag I you did I fully take
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responsibility for canceling and then let me ask you this I don't but I believe if I had not canceled first true
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you would have canc that's correct oh that's what you believe that is my belie okay it's my belief it's a belief system yeah you are the cancel King you you
00:08:29
cancel cont but we both can't by the way the funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby are both on a lineup and neither
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one of us goes all the time happens that is very funny I get a call from a producer going I had Tim and Bobby
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cancel are you around oh oh we never show up a lot of times don't stuff happens yeah well
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sometimes I call you well some one time I called you and I go are you going and you go I'm not going go I'm not going
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either yeah that one time you both do that a lot to the one time I sent him a covid test a fake I sent him a photo of
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a CO of the co by the way years after Co years years like people had to young
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kids didn't even know what it was I was sending him a picture of the co lines but then he didn't send the promoter
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that test but I did so he go he said that I had Co to the guy right but then
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I actually sent him the T the the test that he gave me to him right brilant right saying that I have it right so he
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it makes him look like he didn't have it correct yeah right good move Bob I mean
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you know yeah but the thing is Me and Bobby will lie and then get found out and then we don't care that much well it
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doesn't matter yeah we don't care we don't really care you know no one's going to get that
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mad that's the it doesn't matter well we're being used that's right we are it feels like we're being used it's like
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some guy that I've never said hi to me before yeah he's now hey can you do my show yeah you put me on the flyer right
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that's why and they'll use your name to sell tickets right so then I don't show up right yeah I don't like being one
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promoter and I'm not going to say who can I guess you can guess after I've said this okay one promoter literally
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said I can't pay anyone tonight because my father has Alzheimer's I swear to God and then that
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person said that was the way and I was like okay I guess God damn well yeah
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have you cancel you cancel I I there's times I have to cancel why if I'm just like if I just can't make it if we're
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doing too many pods and all this [ __ ] it's like there's I'm never going to make it you'll cancel cuz
00:10:32
tired true y every now and then Emily at the store will call me she'll go are you close and I'm at noou Malibu and I have
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a tun roll in my mouth you're that far you're that far I go oh yeah yeah I'm right down Sunset yeah
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you're the most nightmarish person to follow that's not true yeah 100% it's very nice of you I've heard you say this
00:10:53
before and I really appreciate texted Emily that that's very nice but I feel that way about you I hate going up here
00:10:58
after you when you're on dude it's unfollow well that's that's sometimes you're off when
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you're off I like it but when you're on dude oh my God when I'm off I'm off but if I'm on I'm it's good but you're
00:11:10
funnier when you're off cuz you get angry by the way I agree with you yeah I agree with you but I love I love you I
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feel like we have a similarity in that sense just energy wise yes yeah cuz sometimes we don't want to do it what's
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going on no I'm listening yeah I do enjoy it going on dude sometimes we don't want to do it and we have shorts
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or sweatpants on on stage and we're angry that the came and that's the best time you're Moody
00:11:34
girls you're both a moody little girls also he also contemplates things afterwards sometimes yes so he'll go
00:11:40
maybe I should open my own club remember that one time yes guys that's what you call him having my mental illness yeah a
00:11:46
full mental break you know cuz he was trying new stuff and you I mean it was you know I I get you the main room can
00:11:52
be packed just wasn't working there's a pressure right and so Tim's the only comic that's Tri Coastal Tim moved Tim
00:11:58
moved to [ __ ] he moved to Austin for seven minutes came back moved back to New York came
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back went back to New York bought a house again in New York bought a house here sold a house in Austin right you
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had a Hampton's thing right yeah got one out there still still well we're opening the Mother Ship
00:12:14
Hampton which is coming up and it's uh very exciting got to get out there I'm
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trying to get Joe to do Mothership Vegas that would make wouldn't we be all happy
00:12:25
that would be great Mothership great Vegas would be great I'll move there there's really no CL where we can go can
00:12:30
is there in Vegas I mean there's Mill millions of clubs right but it's like where I'm going to feel like I want to
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go there twice or three times a year you know Playboy therey com speak there used
00:12:42
to be this thing called Playboy comedy and you'd want to go because it was a simple gig sometimes it's just one show
00:12:49
a night Friday Saturday Steve Burn was doing no it was Amed Amed oh yeah and what's that little um his partner what's
00:12:56
his JJ Jay Davis Jay Davis was to have it yeah I KN I heard about this I never
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was privy to this Playboy Comedy Room in Vegas but it closed down right yeah it was at the Palms it was the best anyway
00:13:09
now there's no there's a bunch of clubs out there but you're going to go and you're probably going to dip into a theater is the problem no you'd want to
00:13:15
play a club there you guys are theater guys I'm a club guy yeah right you're a [ __ ] theater what are you talking about you theater guy or Club guy I like
00:13:20
them both okay just depends on you know I like them both yeah what's up with
00:13:25
your nose right now dude I don't know it's like I I had like a thing I'm having like a thing what do you mean like like allergic reaction or something
00:13:31
look at his nose doesn't look real no I know it's like a red I've had like an allergic reaction to something yeah I
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don't know what it is you got to change your face wash Tim I know I've been telling you that for years what's that the glasses the nose thing you get at
00:13:43
novelty shops modern version of that I know it's crazy I don't know what it is I I I I was on a medication and I had a
00:13:50
reaction to it like antibiotics yeah yeah yeah keep them on keep them on see
00:13:56
that's why that's why I'm wearing them better with them on yeah that's why I'm wearing them so are you in town for a while I love first of all you have the
00:14:03
best parties the parties are decent unbelievable you those parties yeah of course yeah they're the best your
00:14:08
parties are the best why go to the parties you're there for 5 seconds and then you leave I know but I love just coming in and out but my Gods son met
00:14:15
you and he's Chinese and and loved you it was a big night for him that oh that's what we were got some was the Chinese kids yeah wow a little Chinese
00:14:22
baby yeah yeah it was a beautiful that is a funnyest part about Tim's parties you'll see a Tik Tok star and a little Chinese baby all in the living room
00:14:28
together Caitlyn Jen for no reason yeah how do you know her um you know we're both uh Patriots we love the country
00:14:37
yeah yeah we love America and I like her I Fascinate about I think she's got an amazing American Life yeah yeah she does
00:14:43
yeah amazing American life she there's very few countries you can do what she did think about it well explain it to us
00:14:51
well let's say we're we're let's say we're from a European nation yeah right yeah let's what Cypress is that one it's
00:14:58
probably more likely that we're from from an Eastern European country we're from an Easter like maybe like on the border of Russia and China so we kind of
00:15:04
look you know me Asian maybe and some people look white it's very difficult to be born a guy become an Olympian become
00:15:10
the spokesman for waties marry a woman who's husband defended another athlete
00:15:17
who murdered his wife yeah then have a bunch of stepdaughters one of them does
00:15:22
a sex tame they all become billionaires the most famous people in the world you then decide that actually you were a
00:15:28
woman this entire time yeah you get surgery to become a woman and then
00:15:34
decide that the only way to save America is to elect Donald Trump that's right wow that's a pretty Story American and
00:15:42
become a female of the year on Vanity Fair yeah that's right and then also kill someone somewhere in between and
00:15:47
then kill a woman in Malibu with your truck right did she really do that yeah yeah she killed a lady that real though
00:15:53
unintentionally unintentionally an accident there it is there it is and when was that in Malibu couple years ago
00:15:59
I mean right it was mid transition right that's right she was 2015 I'll tell you what that sped up the transition she was
00:16:06
unfocused you got to you got to finish the job at that point she was unfocused yeah yeah oh didn't Brandy kill somebody
00:16:13
too yeah Brandy kill in a car accident and then she kind of disappeared after that no cuz she didn't transition oh you
00:16:19
get one yeah I think you get one car accident and there's a certain level of Fame you get to kill one person in a car
00:16:25
yeah that is true true well let's go through the um another guy would you know anybody I know that's killed
00:16:30
someone in a car a celebrity no well yes I do yes I do who uh uh um uh Ferris
00:16:38
berer yeah that's who I was thinking yeah he with Molly Ringwald right England in England when they were like 17 and then and then Laura Bush George W
00:16:46
Bush's wife wow really killed someone in a car yeah uh uh another Bush Ted Kennedy Ted Ken Kenn killed someone in
00:16:52
Ked how about this another Bush different family the anheiser bush son Auggie Bush maybe killed a guy in
00:16:58
college DUI and then Sunny Bono got killed by a tree that's right
00:17:04
that's right you remember that if my if I was killed by like a really rich person let me tell you how easy it would
00:17:10
have been to get my parents to not press charge let me explain how easy that
00:17:16
would have been it would have been a five minute conversation okay uh they would have
00:17:22
sent like not even their top people they would have sent some very lowlevel attorneys to my parents house in Long
00:17:28
Island yeah my parents they they would have just said listen we can kind of we
00:17:33
can you know weate this we can miate this we can make it go away and they would have said we think you deserve
00:17:40
like $44,000 and my mother and father would have lit up they would have said can we
00:17:47
do 50 and they would have said absolutely and they would have given them 50 Grand and my mother and father
00:17:52
would have uh dropped the case 100% immediately wow wow wow especially cuz you were you were full you were such an
00:17:58
ass you were Troublemaker when you were a kid well they listen I'm from them they were troublemakers but the problem
00:18:04
is in 1997 50gs it's real money real money pay off the house it's real money
00:18:09
my parents were so immigrant they wouldn't even know the rules right like oh he die yeah you yeah you died good no
00:18:16
not good oh no right there be an oh no one oh no yeah yeah that's also what my
00:18:22
parents would my parents would have all Asian accent said assume it was your
00:18:29
fault oh yeah and even if they offered them money my parents wouldn't understand they' like um well 44,000 and
00:18:36
my dad would be I don't have yeah right right I don't have a p the ball they end up making and they're like well then
00:18:41
we'll see you later okay bye and then my the dad would feel like he got one you know what I mean yeah he won he won one
00:18:47
oh F we we got we had to pay 44 we didn't have you know you're allowed to yeah so a certain level of Fame I guess
00:18:53
who's at the cusp that got washed away then who's killed someone that never returned who never made I don't know who
00:19:00
never made it back just kill or or driving well look at what is this going to do to what's his name uh uh to uh who
00:19:08
Alec Baldwin Alec Baldwin well he's fine he went to court he got acquitted he did yeah he got I think he was kind of on
00:19:13
the back nine anyway so he's done now no well yeah he is he's probably done he's done he's done no more no more court but
00:19:20
he's so famous I know but he didn't do anything yeah he killed a lady shot a woman I know but I mean I gu
00:19:28
get it you're on set you're like you think you know why you're doing this he's doing this cuz one day he this accident could easily happen to him oh
00:19:34
yeah you [ __ ] around on a set I could easily see this I can do it with machete I think you break all the rules yeah
00:19:39
Bobby please be careful with this the thing about Alec Baldwin is afterwards it just what he didn't and I like him
00:19:46
and he's a great guy I did his podcast I think he didn't seem super remorseful that was the problem I think
00:19:53
he had to turn on the remorse like a little more yeah like he he was kind of like agit by the whole thing right was
00:20:00
like frustrated like he was kind of like what is this yeah that was his attitude like he
00:20:05
shot the woman in the head and then his attitude was like what's hey what is the
00:20:11
hell's going on here you that's on set you think he did that that and in publicly in the media they were like you
00:20:17
shout a woman and he goes he was like listen you know like that's and that was the energy right right right the
00:20:23
interview started with listen I think he said listen no he did like accidents happen on set yeah and they're they're
00:20:29
putting that woman away that armorer yeah they she's going to prison good yeah she's going to prison the woman
00:20:34
that supplied the gun ah she goes does the movie come out ever no no chance I'm
00:20:40
rust huh they finished the movie yeah but does it come out it's kind to come out I hope it comes out maybe I just got
00:20:47
C rust to what I just got cting rust too so really yeah yeah got it's got to come
00:20:52
out you shoot you shoot a makeup artist in the head yeah um it's coming out in 2024 at
00:21:00
the end of the year W you think it'll do good numbers huge I think I'd watch it I'll watch it I definitely want to see
00:21:06
the scene they left it in there didn't they oh that's the scene he shoots her
00:21:11
in the scene right they should have a little CLE no no no no no this it was obviously it was no no but they wer wasn't he practicing a scene he was he
00:21:17
they were doing it they were doing oh they got to leave that scene in yeah that's what I mean yeah they got leave that I you meant would they leave
00:21:24
him and I'm like that's kind of a brilliant marketing but kind of insens
00:21:29
no but they do they're doing a walkr of a scene by the way please God please do if when when this gets released please
00:21:36
and very poor taste to at the end in memorium and then her
00:21:41
face please do a very poor taste just to prove that Hollywood is still Hollywood
00:21:47
at the end do in memorium and then go uh don't even say her name what what did she do again what was she she was a
00:21:53
cinematographer no she was the DP right yeah yeah she was I saw you know Christopher Reeves
00:21:59
there's a new Christopher re documentary coming out and the kids his kid children made it apparently it's really good
00:22:05
their story but so there was a what their story right you but there was a it's like a footage of him at the
00:22:10
Academy Awards like a year later and he comes out on the stage and the audience
00:22:16
are just they're trying to be you know me emotional and and go and be supportive but there's also some people
00:22:21
like in a horror why like I saw Brad P kind of go it goes B I'll tell you why Brad
00:22:28
Pit's going I've been on a horse yeah what if that happened to me that's yeah the audience kind of like like like like
00:22:35
this that is kind of wild that picture zoom into that photo that kind of looks like a madam
00:22:41
tuos are you sure that's real that look that seriously looks like a Madam tuos it is oh so put on like football gear or
00:22:48
something I mean cuz the football gear you want him to come out dress like a no
00:22:53
I'm saying is the cuz the body the body is withered got it yeah so put on some I
00:23:00
get it like baggy bulk up like a RP out I mean he's just like you know what I
00:23:05
mean talk about Bobby Lee the costumer today's episode is sponsored by acorns acorns makes it easy to start
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00:24:17
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I'm putting some padding yeah I would you put some padding in he's Superman bulk him up yeah bulk them up there well
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it would be kind of tight if he did have a super band shirt underneath the suit that would have been the crest right that' been the move so so who wait
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they're make so his kids are making a doc about him right now yeah and when does this come out
00:28:03
soon oh look at the hands okay anyway does he ever unparalyzed no what do you mean not so
00:28:09
super huh like he did he ever did it ever get better no it got worse and worse sad sadly no it was a real awful
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spinal cord injuries and it was from a horse yeah I don't know why you asked that yeah sure well no I I don't
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remember a horsey did it no did the horse no I don't think they call it a horsey no the not after You' ruined
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someone's ability to walk you think the horse he got in trouble I think that horse is glue now sadly that horse is
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gone it lives with Whitney comings Whitney Whitney has it Whitney's got it Whitney would show it to you she'd go
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this is Christopher ree's horse she go this is the horse that killed Christopher re and they were going to
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kill it but I decided it should come here and watch me do makeup tutorials on Instagram live yeah cuz she has
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knickknacks that's right on the shelves and stuff has yeah yeah yeah so that's interesting she would have she would have the thing
00:29:00
that killed an America that hurt an American her that would be she would take pride in it yeah like it you know like the body of bubbles like Michael
00:29:06
Jackson's right monkey she definitely has bubbl stuffed his monkey in a room yeah yeah yeah this is this was bubbles
00:29:14
pacifier do you know that born in 1983 this was such a polarizing thing when he would walk around with this monkey he's
00:29:20
from Austin bubbles yeah W oh wow you can see him at the Mother Ship this weekend on kill
00:29:27
Tony bubbles will be there how long did bubbles live give it up for the great
00:29:33
bubbles huh he's alive still yeah you better believe it he's his bubbles literally still alive he's 40 years old
00:29:39
50 wow no 40 it said 1983 he was born he's at the center for great apes that
00:29:46
was the craziest Google bubbles now yeah I knew Google would happen yeah
00:29:52
despite the fact that he is very photogenic bubbles is difficult to photograph because he does not like the camera often will turn his back when he
00:29:58
sees a camera well bubbles knows the camera is the one that causes all the problems that's exactly right that's where the pain begin bubes knows yeah I
00:30:06
mean bubbles could have gone chimp crazy like the documentary you watched it you see it chimp crazy I haven't seen it yet
00:30:13
fantastic ftic it's about a chimp who loses it it's about a it's about a it's about a group of people who are in the
00:30:20
uh chimp industry chimp industry and it focuses what you would think was supposed to be on an original lady but it ends up being about this woman right
00:30:26
here this lady involvement in the the chimp chimp trade what is the chimp
00:30:32
industry oh dude what do you mean what what do you thinking is Tim exotic animals people yes yeah yeah yeah in the
00:30:38
state of Missouri there is no exotic animal band law so in Missouri you can
00:30:44
buy sell and trade exotic animals that are on the EXO on the band list in most places but but did you notice in the
00:30:50
documentary she's she has the little ones too she's got them all right spider mon but still they're deep like the co
00:30:57
cover thing is chimp right they can have 50 of the little guys right but they're like dreaming of chimp right chimp the
00:31:04
biggest one you can have Gorilla you can get a gorilla no you can't but I'm see I'm sure that's the biggest one that's
00:31:10
the hope no I think they can I seriously I think they can have any you can can't have a gorilla there's no way you can
00:31:15
have a gorilla what's the largest exotic animal you can purchase in America on
00:31:20
the documentary they talk they show you one of these like Exotic Animal Auctions
00:31:25
people buy the wildest [ __ ] [ __ ] there you know like have you ever seen those like chiks that have like of
00:31:31
course white tigers white tigers in in their [ __ ] kitchen yeah yeah yeah they was in a house in Beverly Hill supposedly there was a guy who had a
00:31:37
couple of tigers in the backyard incredible pretty [ __ ] cool but in the yeah it is in the documentary though
00:31:44
um they show past incidences like famous incidences with chimpanzees and you notice when the CH because they they
00:31:51
never leave the house and they're in a cage they're supposed to they're supposed to be around one of them right for like a year would just be sitting
00:31:57
like rocking rocking back and forth right what do you do at that point you got to shoot it got to shoot
00:32:05
it you know I'm a chimp it's G to kill you am I doing a good job yeah that
00:32:10
looks like you oh why why why would you have a chimp and just have it sit in the
00:32:17
cage and do that it's kind of disturbing well psychologically what they kind of what they break down in this is that's
00:32:22
not even impressive if I went to your house and I saw like an animal like doing this yeah yeah
00:32:28
I'm not I'm like that's not really that cool no I got to get my Uber you have a fental monkey they talk about in the
00:32:35
thing they talk about the psychology these these women who fall in love they they think that they value them more
00:32:41
than their own children because she says it in there she goes a baby only needs you for so long the chimp that's what it
00:32:47
is the chimp needs you for life it's a it's it's a baby that's a baby forever
00:32:53
forever they they they have the needs of a baby and they never even when they're 40 they don't grow out of those those
00:32:59
like instinct needs of you but you don't you don't if they don't get to play with other monkeys at some point that's it
00:33:06
yeah that's it that's it so these are women who want to have a baby forever so they get a chimp and they they have
00:33:13
babies of their own but after like three or four years they're like well the kids even say there's kids interviewed in the documentary they're like she doesn't
00:33:18
[ __ ] love us oh there there's no way any of these women are good Mothers oh no there's no way like their kids are
00:33:25
like she was an amazing mom also had this chin no way there's something
00:33:30
broken something broken yeah something broken something broken yeah they talk about the kid they interview some of the kids and you know they have to unfortunately on camera passively go no
00:33:38
yeah no she she she she did a good job raising us she just loves she loves her chimps I mean you can see the sadness in
00:33:44
the through line it's right it's the documentary is fantastic does the do the any of the chimps act out violently oh
00:33:51
yeah okay I mean they show you some footage on there it's wild there's one that I had to pause walk away and go
00:33:58
that's I can't do well you'll remember when we were kids famously one of the women went on Oprah cuz her face this
00:34:04
what happens her face was taken removed she went on o look at the picture of the chimp attack woman Oprah yeah that's the
00:34:10
is that her yeah yeah she went on Oprah and she had to wear a veil Tim you would love this for you new show I got to be
00:34:16
honest Not only would I love her for the show but I don't think she looks that bad no she doesn't it's not bad he
00:34:22
actually doesn't look that bad I by the way there are people in La walking around that look exactly
00:34:30
I've lived here long enough where that doesn't Shock Me old gypsy woman with one eye that shocks no one that shocks
00:34:37
no one yeah yeah yeah I've seen that too I guess look at the look at look at her up on a chimp woman on Oprah she had to
00:34:43
wear a veil and then Oprah that's the funniest clip they use it in the movie Oprah goes can we can we lift up the
00:34:49
veil oh yeah yeah can we lift up the veil that's bad that's pretty bad that's a rough one yeah it's tough now wait a
00:34:54
minute is that o which one who's that that she that's Oprah Tim what the [ __ ] that's Oprah I don't mean is that the
00:35:01
money Oprah by the way that's almost no thought being put into that all she should think about is the
00:35:08
veil I know it makes it more ominous almost yeah yeah yeah this looks like the Batman villain well this is a
00:35:14
perfect like this is an Islam like go with that go with yeah it's time to start thinking about it yeah you think
00:35:20
just wear oh con Muslim you convert immediately that's actually smart the documentary though it does something
00:35:28
it's so powerful the way it tells this this story because I'm not giving anything away but the guy who's making
00:35:33
it can't there it is the guy who's making it can't really make it they have to like go Incognito while they're
00:35:39
making it why brilliant because he's he's a known figure because he did he directed Tiger King Tiger King oh right
00:35:45
so there and then when he asked the lady can I do and they's like I don't want to work with you nobody in the chimp Community likes this guy cuz he's
00:35:51
exposed the exotic animal community so they hire he hired an actor to act as the Director it's fascinating it's
00:35:56
fascinating it's amazing they did such a great job it's a great job yeah I want to see characters like this on your show and that's a perfect transition because
00:36:02
I do want to talk about it Tim's got a new show on Netflix yeah we're excited about it we're we're trying to get
00:36:08
people like this who don't have faces and you know I want this is your country
00:36:13
oh this is the talk show yeah it's the talk show we're trying to bring back like a Jerry Springer type concept you know this was my senior ditch day in
00:36:19
high school we went to Jerry Springer that's aw was it in Connecticut no in Chicago he was out of Chicago he was out of Chicago that's awesome we did a
00:36:25
senior ditch day uh and went down and it it dude I love Jerry Springer so much in high school cuz it was it was a perfect
00:36:33
world of Comedy it was pure comedy yeah and it's comedy on purpose where like people are taking it serious but you're
00:36:39
like do you not understand that this is no I think it's funny it's like it's also ends those shows end up being weirdly a better satire of America Than
00:36:46
The Daily Show 100% because like this is what we got these are the voters these are the people this is who's out there
00:36:51
these are all real people these are no scripts they're not actors they came on we did like 20 25 minutes with each
00:36:56
group we edit down because like you got to get you know like CU a lot of people that aren't accustomed to be on TV will
00:37:04
just drone on for hours about something so you got to edit it down to like but it's amazing I mean can we show the
00:37:09
trailer absolutely before you do can I can I ask you a favor sure can I you know how in um what's his
00:37:18
name the the Just Breathe it's okay I'm a very emotional about yeah what's going on I just want to be like a a Handler
00:37:25
come be a Handler like I bring guests on stage I don't say much you know you're like Steve you Steve wil yeah Steve wios
00:37:32
that's what I want to be he was security yeah but I'll be security making him security is so Fu we want security that
00:37:37
like the idea would be security that runs away I just want cowards I want coward
00:37:43
dude I got to be your main yeah we want we want me you never intr me nothing is
00:37:48
better than if a melee brawl starts and me and you run away out of the it would be the greatest moment ever just run
00:37:55
away you don't even have to pay me let me do it please oh absolutely cool all right let's see it I do want to watch it again it's
00:38:01
fantastic you're here to confess to your girlfriend that you used to do porn
00:38:09
yeah the music hello pigs I think we can all agree the rotting corpse of an
00:38:15
Empire and we live in [Music] hell your husband brought you here today
00:38:20
because he wants to confess something wait a minute wait a minute hold on let's talk to the food poison drug
00:38:26
addictive sex criminals who live here you to play Minecraft fortnite I've never met a more painful person how do
00:38:33
you think she's going to react when you tell her what whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wait a second no are you
00:38:39
insane did we pop it up we pop it up do we pop it up me your years I got to deal with you
00:38:46
since I was a child I don't know any life that's not like this Oh that's oh shut the this is what America's
00:38:56
about unibomber wants to [Applause]
00:39:01
say bring out the [Applause] [Laughter]
00:39:07
BBL [Applause]
00:39:13
us my name is Tim Dylan and regrettably this is your country wow we had some homeless people
00:39:21
like thinking the audience cuz we shot it in vanin eyes and we just people like came out of tents and got Central
00:39:27
yeah so you've done one episode we've done one we're putting it out and we're super excited I I we didn't know what
00:39:33
was going to it was a weird thing cuz they wanted us to do something like political and I was like it's boring
00:39:39
it's just boring going a political convention nobody's going to ever do it better than Triumph right nobody's gonna ever do The Daily Show better than John
00:39:45
Stewart No One's Gonna like everybody you know so I said maybe we'll bring back something people haven't seen in a
00:39:51
while and it'll just be silly and like our dream we have dream ones that we couldn't get but like our dreams
00:39:57
segments are like my husband said he was at January 6 but he was just cheating on
00:40:03
me yeah my sugar daddy's going to cut off my OIC and I'm scared of what I'll eat things like that like we have dream
00:40:09
ones where like we want to put things out into the universe and get these people yeah yeah but are I didn't see
00:40:15
any violence there's no real violence because the people there um there is
00:40:22
arguments and there is anger yeah yeah but violence is harder to get to and a
00:40:28
lot of the Jerry violence I think some of it was staged it was a lot of it was stage and none of this is stag so the the reality is it's like our hope is
00:40:35
that if we get more episodes there is violence naturally there needs to be violence the hope is that we we're going
00:40:41
to get violence but we we have we're now we learned a lot doing it we we made some mistakes and then corrected them so
00:40:47
that you know we had two shoots we figured it all out and then like we're going to try to get you know if we keep
00:40:53
doing it like we'd love to get some people that really are going to attack each other while me and you run out of
00:40:59
Jerry Springer did turn into this fake fight show which I think was kind of part partially the demise of the show
00:41:05
because it organically was so wild the it's got to be organic somebody's got to really want to fight I don't want
00:41:12
somebody's got to want to fight but there are like we have a guy confessing he lost a lot of money to his wife with
00:41:17
crypto we have people like you know we have all kinds of stuff going on that's interesting Guy saying I used to be a
00:41:22
porn star chick like and these were all these are all real things but like nobody slapped anybody else but you know
00:41:28
knock on wood that could happen yeah I really hope it does that's the hope my name is yashi Toto for this yeah yeah
00:41:34
he's still working on the I'm working on the character dude I'm going to no it's me and you run out of the studio during a large fight and then there's a kind of
00:41:41
older female security guard who is tasked with handling everything do you have this woman cast no but it would be
00:41:47
hilarious a female like an older female security guard trying to get a handle everything Me and Bobby Sprint out of
00:41:54
the run out let her deal with it yeah yeah I can't wait I hope this is a hit I hope it is too when do it come out
00:42:00
October 1st October 1st October 1st be out on Netflix you got to go watch it yeah we hope it uh it should be fun
00:42:07
there's no chance it won't it won't be successful I told you it's fantastic well I'm glad we did this and not cuz
00:42:13
they were like go to the convention and talk to people and I go why why yeah 20
00:42:19
people doing that yeah and then they were really cool Netflix was awesome we said we like to do this and they said okay cool and left us alone if you go to
00:42:26
the convention the chat things that's already on YouTube there's like a dozen of those videos right nowbody doing that you'll never beat YouTube it's fast
00:42:33
already out it's already out and it's going to what's the point yeah there's nothing to be learned anymore about
00:42:40
people's like opinions about politics the only thing that's left to be learned is like how are people living what are
00:42:47
people doing that's the more interesting element then like why you like Trump or
00:42:52
why you like Kamala it's like what do you how do you earn money how does your family Dynamic work like what do you who
00:42:59
do you hate and why would you take this to another state and move it I mean shoot it in different places I would shoot it wherever absolutely I think it'
00:43:06
be interesting to like shoot shoot episodes in different spots I know that's more expensive no no I agree with you because then you really get a gist
00:43:12
of like the you know shoot at Nevada then you're in Washington we flew these people in oh you did yeah from all over
00:43:17
from all over okay right on because you know but we would I you know depends on where they'd want to shoot it but I
00:43:22
would shoot it wherever let's take it these people that got flown in what's the what's was the the general spot that
00:43:28
a lot of them came from we talking Florida I'm trying to think there was Colorado there was Florida got to be
00:43:35
Florida how do you submit to be on the show well we there was a casting call we're like do are you this person and do
00:43:41
you want to reveal a thing do you want to do whatever people do it people like why would anyone go on that I go anyone
00:43:46
will do anything yeah people I love all this idea people are like why would anyone go on a show like that you go
00:43:51
anyone will do anything what are you talking are you crazy yeah there's no value to dignity any more in this
00:43:57
country there's no economic value to it and there's no emotional value like you don't even sound good anymore if you
00:44:04
tell someone you passed up on something and you go I'm not going to go make a fool out of myself no matter what it is
00:44:09
people will go man I don't know no matter what it is it used to be
00:44:14
like 20 years ago you tell a guy at a bar they want me to go make my family into a laughing stock and I'm not doing
00:44:21
that and the guy go good for you now the same guy goes I don't know I would have maybe done that there's not much left
00:44:28
there's no meat on the bone so it's like maybe something would have walked out worked out you know what did you think
00:44:34
you learned the course of the show what's the collective thought after seeing all these people do all this [ __ ]
00:44:39
what's like the one thing you took away from it genuinely you know genuinely what I took away was number one how hard
00:44:46
it is to do these types of shows yeah because it's it's you don't have a script you don't you can't just reedit
00:44:53
like go back and say let's do it again like that's not the way it works if somebody's going to say something to someone else they say it one time you're
00:44:59
doing it in front of a live audience right so I had to learn how to be a talk show host and because my podcast I do it
00:45:06
by myself I just talk right so for me it was like listening to people and then
00:45:12
and I would lose check of time so you're piece in and they'd be like all right you've done 10 minutes with them like you know like and I'd go oh okay bring
00:45:19
out the guest because there's always somebody we're bringing out right and a lot of the times the people in the chairs don't know so I'm like you know
00:45:24
somebody's been listening backstage and then we bring somebody else out so it's like it was learning how to do all of
00:45:30
that and then meet like re appreciating Springer Jenny Jones Ricky Lake Donahue
00:45:36
Mory all those people who did [ __ ] like that Sally Jesse and appreciating it and
00:45:42
going oh that was not it was not as easy as it looked right it's not I mean you
00:45:47
have you have to be a host and you have to be kind of this you you're almost like a a you're almost manipulating them
00:45:53
as you're telling the story with them and those shows did it every single day all year we had one shot we had two live
00:46:00
shows Saturday and Sunday and we edited them you know we shot 11 of these
00:46:05
segments we kept five yeah so it took a minute but as we get better at it we
00:46:10
would be able to like we would know now I know more about like okay I understand
00:46:16
why that segment was some people say they have a problem with each other and then get on stage they really don't of course they really don't we would find
00:46:22
that out when we did bad friends L stuff we'd find out people would bail on a thing that we thought they were really
00:46:27
committed to we had a woman who's a qinon mom and the all the producers were like she's a nut wait till you hear what
00:46:34
she says she's crazy and then I wrote her on stage go what's your craziest opinion she goes I like Trump I go all
00:46:40
right come on anything else wow I'm like are there tunnels underground like what give me something just like I'm I'm Pro
00:46:47
Second Amendment I like Trump and the LA producers were so crazy that they thought that was like the most conf you
00:46:53
know what I mean they're like wait till you hear what she says and she's like I just think Biden's too old and they're like
00:46:59
see what a [ __ ] nut job and I'm like oh no this isn't but we did find some
00:47:05
some people that were it was really good and there was some magic on it that happened where you're just in awe of it
00:47:10
some [ __ ] went down where you you do just stand back and go what the [ __ ] yeah is happening and it's kind of wild
00:47:17
the reason why this has legs is because there's two other Comics that I can think of that had this a a daytime show
00:47:24
uh you know who they are well I no I mean probably Fox oh yeah Kirk did
00:47:30
he Greg Barr Greg Barr but the problem with those shows is that they try to be molded into a talk like they're playing
00:47:36
a role so they but you you're yourself here that's right that's why this is I think he's in on the joke yeah that's
00:47:42
what it is these guys were trying to like well um you know well tell us you know they were just playing like some
00:47:47
role we were we were basically like Netflix we were talking to them and we go we want to saze like America and then
00:47:54
the idea was like well let's talk to politic IAL figures and everything and I'm like but that's not America no so
00:48:00
the Republican and Democrat conventions are not America and I thought about it and I was like and me and the my
00:48:06
collaborator Brian frangie really smart good writer uh we were like and I work
00:48:12
with him on stuff but he produced co-produced this we came up with the idea of basically going like why don't
00:48:18
we just do like a talk show like we grew up with but with modern problems right I
00:48:24
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00:52:36
let's make some news because I'll talk right about it and yeah yeah yeah Tim was in Joker too you guys know that I'll
00:52:41
speak about it right now and he plays a security like a a lot of people a lot of people are [ __ ] on it in the Press
00:52:48
why why panning on it I don't know why but I'll tell you right now I I was I I
00:52:55
had suggestions they were not followed by the director
00:53:01
okay okay by Wen Yeah Yeah by Gaga um so the reality was I was a security guard I
00:53:08
had two or three lines yep I felt underutilized yeah I said I will direct
00:53:13
it I said I will direct it or I will assistant direct it I don't know who that guy was he did something with P
00:53:18
Affleck I don't care I would have done any of I would have done I would have done cinematography which I didn't I
00:53:24
wasn't hugely clear on what exactly it entailed but I knew that like I had a lot more to give that movie than that it
00:53:32
accepted from me sure now if it's a stunning success I'm proud to be a part of it yeah but if it does fail it is
00:53:39
because they didn't utilize me in a proper way but if it's a success I am
00:53:44
proud to be a part of it but what was it like fails what was it like because I
00:53:50
know you're scene has Walken was in the scene right he was in the scene right so what was that like I didn't I didn't
00:53:56
learn learn the lines yeah because they always lie the agent lies and they go they want you to
00:54:02
be you and be funny and they lie they never they don't want that Andrew is a great actor and he does like the work of
00:54:08
it yeah I showed up and I'm like I'm going I'm okay too you know both of you
00:54:13
both of you but I he was the one I he's white but what I was saying is thank you
00:54:18
I showed up and I was like you know I didn't you didn't get the script ahead of time because they were they didn't
00:54:24
want you to leak it oh I hate when they do that they give you lines in the morning and I like read them real quick and I guess I should have drilled them a
00:54:30
little more but they kept changing them and you know I was a bit nervous and it's w never done a scene in any movie
00:54:37
in my life before this is the first scene in any movie I've ever done in my whole entire life with Walkin Phoenix
00:54:44
and Brendan gleon who another genius genius okay so I'm like scared yeah
00:54:52
truly truly terrified like I'm not even kidding like I'm nervous in my trailer my agent I don't even think I should be
00:54:57
in this no no no it's all fine it's good okay cuz I'm out of my element this is
00:55:03
not what I do yeah and but I'm I listen I like acting I like challenges and whatever but it's a tough one to start
00:55:11
with there's a lot of blocking in the scene there's a book that I have to move across the table there's lines but like
00:55:16
as I'm doing the lines like the you know have to look like the director would come up to me goes listen here's a scene you say your first line after you say
00:55:23
your first line you move your book the book you put your hands on the book don't block the title of the book don't block the cover Move It 70% across the
00:55:31
desk 80% it's out of frame do you get that and I go yes and he go then you're
00:55:37
G to look and Brendan you're gonna look at Brendan but you're gonna wait for him to say his line yeah after that wen's
00:55:43
gonna pick up the phone at that point you wait one beat you say half of your
00:55:48
line okay wa's going to look at you he gives you a look he acknowledges that you're there and then you finish your
00:55:55
second line okay okay I don't know what and he would say this to me he' go what the [ __ ] is the problem here cuz he was
00:56:00
being very like and I get it I respect him he's a great director I like being yelled at and was deserved yeah and but
00:56:06
Wen was like he's doing fine like w would turn around to the director and go he's he's he's okay and I'm like I'm doing fine yeah but they would yell so
00:56:14
then there was like 80 people around you were on the universal lot all the cameras okay and then they would go
00:56:20
action and I would go I mean I would [ __ ] it up every which way one time one time I was nervous I didn't even say the
00:56:27
line I just moved the book I just moved the book and looked away and the director starts going why
00:56:34
the [ __ ] are you looking away yeah yeah yeah wow he goes just say the goddamn line does that make you even
00:56:41
more nervous oh my God imagine this was one of the worst experiences of my entire life except it was good at the
00:56:47
end I guess I don't know um did you sing what did you sing no it's a it's a
00:56:54
musical I should have oh yeah yeah yeah I couldn't even speak so then he would come up to sing he can't get through a
00:56:59
[ __ ] line in a book Shi so he'd go like this but it was hard I'm telling you it was I know I know it was but it's
00:57:05
just his questioning is made I get apologize but I should have sang yeah yeah but the point is I was there and
00:57:11
then I would do it again and then he would come out to me and go okay he'd go he goes listen he goes the line is
00:57:19
actually this and I said and I'm not saying that he goes no you've never said that you never said the line
00:57:26
you've actually never said this line and I said he goes so he goes just forget it he goes just say he goes this just say
00:57:33
close enough to it you know yeah and then eventually I got it and I did it but it was very hard it's like hard to
00:57:39
do and I felt bad because again I'm not an expert and I felt bad it's your first
00:57:45
one what are the chances the scene does not make it I didn't think it was going to be in it okay but is it do you know
00:57:52
it's in it that's great that's great do we see a photo of you on the internet at all I don't think I think maybe there's
00:57:57
one little photo oh really I haven't seen the scene because it's not a pivotal scene I don't think yeah where
00:58:04
is it yeah that's yeah it's with security guards yeah yeah it's with security guards but
00:58:11
I didn't I didn't know if they were going to put it in but they put it in because Todd said he got it at the end he said it was good at the end zoom in
00:58:18
is that him I don't know where I am where am I there's Timmy D there's Timmy there's Timmy Timmy D and maybe and you
00:58:25
know what it look I look like I'm doing acting there yeah I actually look like I'm doing if I saw that photo I was like
00:58:31
oh that guy's a good actor no and you know what maybe literally maybe I shouldn't have said anything because maybe my scene is great I bet you it is
00:58:38
I bet it is here's the problem it's shot so beautifully we internalize it cuz the things that we're feeling and thinking
00:58:45
right no one else feels your things that's right but because it happens to us right it becomes a big thing I think
00:58:50
I it just because I wasn't saying the line or doing the blocking doesn't mean I was doing a bad job exactly no I was
00:58:57
yeah I me I was feeling because I was feeling it out and that's What actors do
00:59:03
yeah I'm like becoming the um you know thing how was this guy in the middle that's kind of Ricky Jas looking was he
00:59:10
good yeah he was really they're all really here's the thing I mean Gleason's phenomenal they're all really good all
00:59:15
these actors in This film were excellent and it's hard to be an actor cuz I was talking them and like they they just got
00:59:21
out of Co and they hadn't booked anything mhm and a lot of them were like this is their big thing one guy went out
00:59:27
and got Co and they had to get rid of him wow Jesus and this was like his thing it was his time um I I I have a
00:59:33
story that's kind of like this forget it forget forget it I said forget forget it
00:59:40
I'm interested no no forget forget forget I'm not even going to do it now what is it what's the [ __ ] look for that was rude I was waiting for you to
00:59:46
tell your story no you're like how dare you interrupt this ma magical thing we got going on well no I mean he has given
00:59:51
us some really great juicy [ __ ] but but no let's hear I don't want to know cuz it's not even not it's not even that
00:59:57
good now let's go back to the no we're not going to carry Thanksgiving was I saw Thanksgiving you were great in that Thanksgiving was good yeah Thanksgiving
01:00:03
was really good and but this is um tell your story I'm not Thanksgiving was what movie was it that you had forget it it's
01:00:09
okay no no don't let it when you were when you did a bad acting job what movie it was pretty bad well cuz that's
01:00:16
what I'm yeah yeah so anyway and you know that's all well come on tell your story for real well cut it out then
01:00:23
because I don't think it's going to hit now what tell it if you're if this can we do the segue again then yes let's do
01:00:29
that let's do the segue well you got you remember what you were talking about anyway yeah so this and that yeah did you ever have any experience no I'm
01:00:35
doing it all right I get to do I didn't know I'm very good at Segway I know you're very good oh wow so yeah Gleason
01:00:41
wow well I have have a story kind of like this what is that what happened that was so good yeah thanks and I wish
01:00:48
that happened before no don't you wish it have you ever had an experience that's similar to mine it's over Tim
01:00:55
what is the experience what happened well I was in the movie The Dictator yeah we remember great film
01:01:00
beautiful playing Kim Jong-un no I wasn't playing Kim Jong-un dude no no no I'm serious that's what I'm saying
01:01:06
already now yeah this is what's going to happen that's not Kim Jong-un yeah that's not Kim Jong-un me dude right so
01:01:14
I have this right so I have a couple of scenes in this movie okay and I have you that's my wife in the
01:01:22
movie dude I'm handsome you look really good I look so good yeah yeah yeah so
01:01:27
there's a scene where I'm walking out of a bathroom with Ed Norton yeah and I just blew Ed Norton in the bathroom okay
01:01:33
right and so um Larry Charles and Sasha are on set and they're like all right Bobby you're going to walk out first
01:01:40
right you're going to hit the mark right turn around right and then he's going to come behind you and this whole thing I
01:01:45
have to memorize this whole thing right just like yours that's why I'm saying the story right hard so I'm like kind of
01:01:50
panicking and I'm doing the best I can I'm going okay hit the mark turn left see the line this and that and he's going to Walk This Way right so me and
01:01:57
Ed get go to the bathroom and he goes Ed Ed Norton goes no we're not doing that way I go he goes I'm going to go out
01:02:04
first and I go what you go yeah and I'm so you know I know he said to say that I think it's better if I say this then you
01:02:11
turn around you do the you know what I mean and he changes the whole [ __ ] thing and now in my mind I'm like oh
01:02:17
[ __ ] whose idea do I do right do I do Ed Norton's or Larry the director in your
01:02:23
head you're like the director even though is a star right so that I said
01:02:28
something this is the smartest thing I've ever done I went you know what dude um I love that that's [ __ ] great
01:02:35
let's do it Larry's way first and the second tap we'll do it your way and he go he kind of thought about it and he
01:02:41
goes all right man he'll hate you forever now why that
01:02:47
yeah you don't step on Ed Nord wait Fight Club what what you going to step on
01:02:53
Fight Club are you [ __ ] out of your [ __ ] [ __ ] mind right note shouldn't have done it it was incredibly disrespectful
01:03:00
[Laughter]
01:03:05
to are you [ __ ] joking me with me right now dude yeah [ __ ] yes relax all
01:03:10
right Jesus Christ you're getting so caught up yeah that scene he's handsome yeah he's very
01:03:16
handsome that is really but it's an interesting note though that he told you he wanted to go out first you think that
01:03:21
has to do with is that star [ __ ] yes it could have been is that star [ __ ] he's he's also an actor's actor right I know
01:03:27
but that's also some star [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah like you know Tom Cruz will say that often that people it'll be written a certain way and he'll often be like no
01:03:34
no no I want to be in the front of the line waen would do stuff like that on set because you know he'd go I I'd like it to go there I'd think this way and
01:03:41
he's a genius guys like probably our greatest greatest living actors top five
01:03:46
he's in there I mean him it's got to be Daniel deis let's go through the list Daniel de LS right that Wen Phoenix
01:03:53
right uh um Kevin James Kevin James We Bought a Zoo that's great that's great
01:04:01
what would happen if someone bought Kevin James yes um who's the you know good Kevin James right ready Governor's
01:04:08
Comedy Club in Long Island I'm headlining my first time yeah the owner of Governors great guy I love him Jimmy
01:04:13
comes back to me Italian guy swag comes back he goes listen he goes Kevin James is doing his new TV show on Long Island
01:04:20
I go great that's all we love him and that's great he goes so he's coming tonight he's doing 20 minutes on all
01:04:25
your head headlining shows uh right before you go up great so it's going to be the H the feature Kevin James for 20
01:04:33
minutes and then you great okay now listen if you're so Kevin James goes up
01:04:40
and they bring him up and they go ladies and gentlemen you know every now and then we get a droing you know how it
01:04:45
goes yeah the King of Queens oh oh he's already famous oh he's he's bringing
01:04:51
he's coming back to TV he's massive oh okay okay I thought this is Young Kevin
01:04:57
before he made his second TV show huge Kevin James comes out okay he gets an
01:05:02
Applause Break um in Long Island that I would only describe as like it's it's unreal right
01:05:10
it's like it's it's just it's John Lenin coming back to Alive The Beatles reunion it's one of those you know what I mean
01:05:16
it's one of those things it's like it's like like crazy right and it's it's it's
01:05:23
several minutes of clapping and standing before he does his first joke he then kills for 20 minutes with like new stuff
01:05:29
with just stuff he thought of like whatever murdering then he leaves then the host
01:05:36
comes back on and goes now please W by the way no introduction goes now please welcome Tim D I walk out on stage the
01:05:42
people in the back are so drunk they think it's still Kevin James wow they're they're far away
01:05:47
they're in the back and they're drunk yeah so they're just looking at shapes and they're going and then literally I
01:05:54
start to talk and people audibly start yelling that's not Kevin James wow they
01:05:59
think like they they switched out Kevin James in the middle of his head they're drunk now they go what happened we who's
01:06:05
this yeah yeah this a Kevin James this is something but guy no I don't I do you
01:06:12
have a story like that no never what no I no I I I never had a uh I I do a mid
01:06:19
bump I do have a story like that see I don't like this what you're doing dude what am I doing get excited about my stories too you know oh oh my God
01:06:25
excited Tim wait till hear the story do you have a story like that yeah but forget it I mean I get bumped at The
01:06:31
Comedy Store more than anybody on Earth and I've said this before to Bill I think Burr specifically it comes in he's
01:06:36
like who's on who's in Maine and they're like Santino's on next he goes me he bumps me every time wow without fail I
01:06:44
think I said that to you I was like it's it's magical I think he loves bumping my he doesn't go long so that's good no I
01:06:50
think he's just I think it's just he knows me so he doesn't care like who do you do you have you have you been bumped
01:06:55
at The Comedy Store I think we all got bumped by Leslie jum lese J oh that's right that's she's bumped me how did you
01:07:01
feel about that uh I didn't love it but it's okay I I just said I'll I'll just leave yeah we just get in my car and I
01:07:09
leave yeah I just leave yeah we sometimes we don't show up but yeah that's right A lot of times we're being bumped and we don't even know cuz we're
01:07:15
at our house gone yeah that's true that's true but do you think that's bad karma on our part like calling in no no
01:07:23
no it's fine it is I used to get bumped at the Factory back nothing means anything by D Dane used to love bumping
01:07:29
oh he loves and he would bump and do an hour back then that's when he would bump you know and I'd sit in the back 30 40
01:07:35
50 and then by that time you're they're gone you're gone and then the next couple times I go back and I would tell
01:07:41
Jamie I say oh I'm not going to be buddy why will you live he going to be quick I was like no no no I'm [ __ ] I'm
01:07:46
already home I'm already home [ __ ] that wow sometimes I would text a comic I knew that was there and was like is he
01:07:51
still on yeah but he's cooking baby that's what he'd say back Laugh Factory since I broke his foot yeah why yeah you
01:07:58
I broke his foot D's no Jamie mad's oh my God I broke his [ __ ] foot how I
01:08:05
was like I did a good spot this is years ago and I was in that front area you
01:08:10
know hang and you know he always hangs out there sitting on those stools and I walk out to and I'm jumping up and down
01:08:16
like a [ __ ] orangutang dude I'm like I killed it I killed it and I stomped on his foot he SC goes oh
01:08:22
budy budy right and and I then two days later goes I went to the hospital you
01:08:27
broke my foot and I haven't really been in there since I I feel so bad you know what's so fun he's like a fun little toy
01:08:32
to play with cuz he's yeah and he and and he I I used to like Bully him into money because they were at one point
01:08:38
they were like not paying anybody right right and so I was like give me money right now give me money and I'd be joking with him but he'd pull out money
01:08:44
as like a bit I'd see him go okay I'll give you a $100 buddy for food you want $100 and he'd pull out money and I would steal money from him and I did it a lot
01:08:51
like I would do this a lot I feel like I did it way too much and I would just grab his money and he be like buddy come on come on but I was like no you're
01:08:58
[ __ ] the club never paid it's Robin Hood Rob do you play there I've never seen you at the LA Factory I go
01:09:03
occasionally and I'll do uh there's a few shows there that I've done that's fun and it's always fun when I go but I
01:09:09
just I don't know I'm usually the Improv in the store yeah store and the Improv what's your favorite though what what's your favorite store I think I all you
01:09:16
know but I I'm starting to love the Improv a lot but I I would say overall the store but I got to be honest with
01:09:22
you the Improv especially recently I feel like is amazing I do love it I
01:09:28
love it too and I'm actually starting to like the ice house yeah even though after you and I had a real wild
01:09:33
experience we had a wild experience and I I just didn't do well and I handled it maturely I went to like salt and straw
01:09:38
and just climbed in the thing like you know with all the ice creams I just climbed it I said just leave me here
01:09:44
overnight yeah but um yeah he called me goes just come back I'm like I [ __ ] I go
01:09:50
Tim you got to come back yeah cuz it's the second show I was like I hate it we can't not do the second show I'm not doing I think they came back I did come
01:09:56
back I did come back they have changed too yeah and and it's better now yeah yeah yeah because when I first went
01:10:02
there they were they treated me so poorly oh like like like they didn't know who I was they're like go around I
01:10:10
go no I've been coming for 30 years this is where you come through go around you have to walk around and I to show my ID
01:10:17
oh yeah right and then come in and I'm like where's the green only Comics go in the green room I I'm on the showell like
01:10:22
that kind of vibe but then when I [ __ ] talk [ __ ] on and then they then they call the best thing is watching someone go to the Mothership who doesn't
01:10:28
know like someone who just rolls in who's not known and they roll in with like a crew of people and it's like oh
01:10:35
no no no no no there's security like this is a legit place now obviously you
01:10:40
mean a comic that comes in with a group of people yeah like a person who just doesn't know cuz you there's just not
01:10:46
knowing there's just not knowing you know and it's like it's just funny to watch someone who's like hey this is my
01:10:52
buddy or whatever and no and then there's like there's like you know like Navy Seals looking at them just just
01:10:59
it's just an energy it's an energy you know a bunch of guys kind of standing there saying they're like this who's
01:11:05
this like oh this is my buddy he's just GNA hang out and they go huh they just look there's a feeling yeah and I always
01:11:11
like to watch that happen yeah I was that night with with Rogan we went to Black Keys that's when I realized oh
01:11:17
he's the mayor of town come on yeah he's the mayor of that town of Austin I mean
01:11:23
he's got absolutely yeah bulletproof [ __ ] you know SUVs security the whole [ __ ] thing absolutely yeah that that
01:11:29
black concert was weird it did feel like we were uh the CIA was protecting us like I felt like we were being like
01:11:35
watched and protected like guys with radios and [ __ ] were talking to each other the whole time yeah can I tell my story now yeah please it was like a
01:11:42
little too late but give it all right so
01:11:50
anyway what is it I did a movie what's the what's the movie that you did with
01:11:55
Henry Lao with who Henry Lao yeah he's a pop Korean pop star what happened with
01:12:01
Henry La was crazy D tell me yeah anyway um I did a movie with Henry Lao that
01:12:06
movie final recipe yeah there you go I did a movie what Michelle Yao's in
01:12:11
it and he's a right so that that event mhm so that event was like
01:12:19
um it looks like a a a K-pop guy and his his manager that's what I mean so this
01:12:24
is what happen it's all K-Pop Stars right and they go ladies and gentlemen Henry la
01:12:31
which I introduce me first no no no right so the place goes insane but in
01:12:37
the in the Mayhem of the sound they had said my name but no one heard it right
01:12:43
iby right and so I now look like see now I wish you didn't do the um I look like it's manager you do I know but the thing
01:12:50
is that was the joke oh I'm so sorry yeah so now I can't go everyone thinks
01:12:56
right I'm his manager but run it back F just try it now yeah try try it now
01:13:01
we'll cut it it's good try it now okay try it now yeah go anyway so you know we're at this p po Henry La comes out
01:13:09
the audience is right and in the midst of this gigantic sound they said my name
01:13:16
now no one knows what now they think I'm his manager oh my
01:13:21
God that's [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] funny it's crazy the way it all works
01:13:28
yeah you know you know yeah yeah it was
01:13:34
crazy yeah you think Diddy uh is is gonna be okay he's in trouble yeah he's
01:13:39
gonna be fine he's in big trouble I think he'll come back he'll bounce I think he'll be okay he'll bounce back it
01:13:45
happens yeah well he's cooked my friend to the ditter son he's Cooks I mean Eminem's lyric is phenomenal did you
01:13:52
hear that which one what' he say he goes uh look up Eminem's lyric about him it's actually because I don't want to
01:13:57
misquote it he goes like I'm an r a p r got so many essays huh essay wow and he goes he didn't just
01:14:04
leave out the he didn't just leave out an r a p did he my God my god listen to
01:14:10
that how long ago was that I'm an r a p e r got so many these essays huh essay he didn't just leave out the letter P
01:14:18
did he Jesus Christ wow Eminem that's killer that is did he just recently just
01:14:25
recently write that but if Diddy is innocent we're all going to feel stupid including him yeah take it back Eminem
01:14:31
to be honest with you take it bad we'll feel bad well everyone will feel stupid like like all of us is there a shot that
01:14:38
he can get out with good lawyers no why I yeah I mean OJ when I was a kid not
01:14:44
around when I was a kid all we believed in was high-profile defense attorneys we grew up with them I watch we watch him
01:14:50
get OJ out we watched him get all these people out like we got excited they all had names like like like a VV Fishman
01:14:58
fish or Ben brth and they would come in there and they would just [ __ ] kill and this da would get up and she'd be
01:15:04
like they found the gun and he'd be like you shut up [ __ ] and he'd have a $4,000 suit and he'd have a rollx and
01:15:11
You' have a bunch of rings and he'd go look at this [ __ ] like that's what he'd say he'd go look at this [ __ ] and be
01:15:16
some like Frizzle haired State representa and as kids we were like the
01:15:21
best thing about our country is that if you're rich and you kill someone you get one of these guys who are the
01:15:27
coolest people in the world Johnny Cochran what's the other guy's name Bob
01:15:32
Shapiro dude these people were [ __ ] awesome is dtz one Alan dtz well yeah
01:15:39
and he went down with he went down the other he was a good one he was he went down the D look at him the dur the D dog
01:15:45
look at him they got his ass they got him the dur dog but he's still out there he's debating CNN like he's on Pierce
01:15:51
Morgan all the time debating yeah yeah wow they really they made him look so bad though that's that's they the dirch
01:15:58
dog got taken down well what happened to him cuz he's he was uh he wasn't he for
01:16:04
what's his name uh um flight logs yeah he was defending all the flight logs and all that [ __ ] well he's trying to he
01:16:10
was like advancing the argument that Epstein had a nature conservatory and this whole thing's been
01:16:16
a big misunderstanding right the guy just said he had a green thumb yeah who you mean green thumb Epstein look how
01:16:23
many times did he go to the island look at it look at that him and Larry David in a fight in a grocery store in
01:16:28
Martha's Vineyard him and Larry David did yeah Larry David was like yelling at him D which was like I think you know obviously coming out for like like
01:16:35
Epstein and Trump and all the stuff like and and Larry David and him got into it
01:16:40
that's [ __ ] right at that this is the world we live in and what do we learn today truly that if you're rich enough
01:16:46
and you kill someone you can get away with it if you got a durang it depends if you got an Herve to come in with a
01:16:52
nice suit yeah we learned the the title of this episode should be somewhere in the
01:16:58
middle the truth is somewhere in the middle the truth lies somewhere in the midd the truth lies somewhere in the middle because that's the way it is
01:17:04
that's what it is that's the way life is that's the truth and that's what I would I would I think that we should remember
01:17:10
with Diddy the truth lies somewhere in the midd the middle well that's what i' that that's what we should all and
01:17:15
that's by the way I wouldn't even try to say innocence if I was his lawyer that's where I'd go I'd go I wouldn't even go
01:17:22
like inoc cuz that's never going to happen right so I get up I go listen is it as bad as I say no was it great not
01:17:30
great you're a great no I'm telling you you're a great defense I would have been a great defensive I would have said
01:17:36
listen none of this is great I'm not here to tell you that this was great
01:17:41
what I'm here to tell you yeah is that I'm a jury I'm jury it's not nearly as bad as what they're saying and like many
01:17:48
things in life and and I would say to you pay attention and say please pay attention I would say no when I
01:17:55
when I'm looking at the sky contemplating it would take me a while to learn that and trust that let's start
01:18:02
oh you want start start over we're jury here we are ladies and gentlemen of the jury I'm here representing Mr Colmes and
01:18:08
I'm going to tell you this am I going to stand up here and tell you that this was great no I'm not gonna say it was great
01:18:14
no um but was it as bad as all these people are saying no like many things in
01:18:22
life the truth lies somewhere in the middle oh that's
01:18:27
life people have parties things get out of
01:18:33
hand no it takes a lot of people to bake uh I don't know what the exact term is
01:18:39
but the point is that P yeah can't speak on the no but I would actually I got I
01:18:46
would actually kind of like that i' like a kind of a I kind of want a crowd work Cherry like a give and take yeah but I
01:18:53
would say i' say before you go into Del C before thank you thank you well now it sounds like it's just being
01:18:58
disrespectful to me um you're just yelling cake at at this guy it just sounds like you're being you're being
01:19:04
rude I bet this guy likes cake that sounds like you're being a little rude okay but I'm not going to motion for you
01:19:09
to be dismissed what I'm going to say is this when you are deliberating I want you to remember that this is a
01:19:14
person wow this is a person with children this is a person with children
01:19:20
in a career MH and this is a person who is more than than the sum of his worst
01:19:26
acts okay wow he's more than the sum of his worst acts let's deliberate
01:19:32
deliberate what do you think not guilty no he's guilty he's definitely guil but he'll be guilty he'll be guilty I can be
01:19:38
SED so easily Al in the the bad jury guilty oh no guilty what is it called a a hang jury
01:19:44
hury that would be because of you every but what's great about the defense attorneys is when they lose they go on
01:19:50
CNN and CNN's like what happened and the defense C goes he's a rapist right
01:19:55
right he's a terrible person of course like what did you want me to do I was making money yeah wow that was very
01:20:02
intriguing compelling I would that's how I would do it yeah I would also go into if I may yeah um into like we've all
01:20:09
been at parties right we've acted a fool uhhuh no that's your defense no I'm just
01:20:16
I'm this is like you know what I mean no I think he's not going to hire you I at the firm we've all been to parties imagine the kid in a room of a law firm
01:20:22
pitching ideas over how to yeah that's what pit you like you're the main lawyer right it's Dylan and you know what I
01:20:28
mean Jewish guy that's what the [ __ ] the name of the firm D Jewish smart well
01:20:35
because it rotates it rotates yeah who knows you know who knows who's coming in so I'm working at Dylan Jewish guy and
01:20:41
I'm I'm like well we could talk about like you know people get drunk at parties and they they make mistakes too no yeah yeah yeah well I'm going to say
01:20:46
what about people who went to the parties in a completely great time right bring them out how about we bring out a
01:20:51
bunch of people that went to the parties and weren't assaulted interview Big Sean bring how about that I'm about me asking
01:20:57
me ask this question I'm like what is assault well also what is human trafficking what is that's very I'm
01:21:02
going write the whole point what are you even saying what do you what is that okay okay I feel like you're hired at the firm dude I'm Dylan a [ __ ] Jewish
01:21:08
guy I'm Dylan a Jewish guy dude that that would be a great law for him by the
01:21:14
way yeah you would be like yeah I'll take that but what you really got to do what they really actually have to do is go and go the people coming out against
01:21:20
him right now are all hoping for compensation where have they been where they been this has been happening for
01:21:25
decades and nobody said anything that's how they Pi so good yeah oh they oh they just oh oh like all these people in
01:21:31
Scientology oh they just figured it all out Lee Remedy you rat they're all rats and I go oh you all figured it out now
01:21:38
they're all liars oh they were all they're trying to get money from this client of mine who is a Christian man
01:21:44
yeah very good Christian lean is always good always Christian lean's good would you rather be a prosecutor or a defense
01:21:50
attorney I would rather be a prosecutor I'm I feel like I'm a prosec
01:21:55
I think you are a prosecutor I'm a PR am I what am I you're a defense attorney for sure I think well here's what I think is interesting about you're Mumble
01:22:01
Bumble scramble eggs you're a defense attorney you come in all sloppily late I you do something brilliant like there
01:22:07
was a guy like you do there was this crazy this woman Dana gold blat she was an attorney I was a juror on a murder
01:22:12
trial murder murder torture and rape literally holy [ __ ] and we convicted him uh he was he did the wrong he killed his
01:22:19
baby mom and all that that's her Dana gold blat yeah so she was an attorney now which was is that her yeah yeah yeah
01:22:25
that's got to be so she defended this guy and she would wear these wacky outfits like Miss Frizzle on the Magic
01:22:30
School Bus and you would end up staring at this bitch's outfits all day and not listening to the thing wow so like I
01:22:36
think you could do a fun bag where you're like the prosecutor's up there doing something and you're doing
01:22:42
something very distracting yeah even some of my language I wouldn't even talk I would say something like a new my
01:22:48
cousin Vinnie hey I would go to the jur go heyo you know what I mean yes because
01:22:54
they're going he say hello or he no that's the whole thing and then it's who cares who raped to no I get it and I
01:23:00
would see something witty like I just had some Kucha yeah right like for for breakfast and dance like would dance and
01:23:07
kombucha you bring in your Cava you got to like dance a little too I would do yeah where did they say he hit
01:23:14
her yeah yeah yeah yeah dude you got me dude I think it' be a very good defensive you can you Jewish Guy Lee by
01:23:21
the way can you imagine if you were going like like if you were charged with murder and you looked at the two people
01:23:28
defending you and it was me and Bobby oh my God I have my sunglasses on
01:23:35
and a red nose and you're like what is going on with this yeah I'm just like yeah Kucha Kucha
01:23:43
baby dancing in with your Cava baby well what do you want to you want to plug dates no I don't care I mean they're on
01:23:50
the website come see me live but also one of the funniest guys on planet Earth very much watch if you want to watch it
01:23:56
on Netflix it's October 1st thank you guys for having I'm glad we finally did this thank you and it give Tim Dill oh
01:24:02
thank you for being a bad friend Tim Dylan everybody that was so [Music]
01:24:20
fun wo [Music]
