00:00:00
hey bad friends we got new merch okay guys check out these beanies these beanies high quality very high quality
00:00:07
yeah I love them so I love the way they turned out dude these if you're not you're not cool if you don't have one you're not cool if you don't have one
00:00:12
we're back to the old school the OG our OG faces on here it says bad friends on the back turn around and show them what
00:00:17
it looks like on the back the shirts are so high quality these are so comfortable oh look at that dude the OG is back on a
00:00:23
bad friends merch.com badf friends merch.com the site is live right now and on that site you can also sign up for
00:00:29
the email list and that email list let you know when we're dropping new stuff exclusive stuff and our patreon shout
00:00:35
out to our patreon members the top tier is going to get a discount on merch and also the bad friends are on the road
00:00:41
baby we only got we only got a few dates left hey guys this weekend guess what we're going to be in Milwaukee Wisconsin
00:00:47
Milwaukee with the cheese heads then in Chicago then Illinois yeah we do Minneapolis and madnes so Minneapolis
00:00:53
and Madison that empties out the year for us and in 2024 we are coming around the bend we're coming to Atlant City New
00:01:00
Jersey Salt Lake City Utah Tula California Reno Nevada Sacramento
00:01:06
California Long Beach California Engle wood then we're in Windor Ontario Canada Windsor Canada then we're in Niagara
00:01:12
Falls Canada yeah Tucson Arizona Tucson and then we finish out 420 Vegas Nevada
00:01:17
man Vegas 420 get your tickets right now go to bfsp pod.com badri pod.com manc Mary balls Miss from our
00:01:25
friends over at manscaped we get 20% off and free shipping with you the code badf
00:01:30
friends manscape.com that's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use
00:01:36
code bad friends manscaped get your jingle balls ready for the holidays you two are bad friends who are these two
00:01:43
idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
00:01:48
disgusting you two are something we're bad friends can I pour you some $35
00:01:54
water wait is this real though yeah look it's never been opened are you sure yeah look I told them we had to get you a real one
00:02:00
this is the real water look the seal is there yeah but they I saw no they did the seal give me a cup please so I can
00:02:07
$38 bottle ble water this is what I deserve how do you feel my little prince me I'm grateful to see you guys grateful
00:02:14
to see you as well I've had three days of family Family Day yeah I went to Disneyland how was Disneyland dude
00:02:20
Disneyland's are the best huh yeah when you have the the yeah clearance that you got I didn't get a clearance but let me
00:02:26
say something I I'll give you the my my um um the one with the what's the one
00:02:31
with the lady the cat they're the crazy cat she went in the hole Alis yes that I did that I did
00:02:40
the Green Man I the green man the Hulk no no no the green kid Peter Pan Peter Pan you
00:02:46
knew what I'm saying they GRE man so those two what did they have in Korea was it all different in Korea yeah yeah
00:02:52
yeah yeah um they had China Pan China Pan yeah yeah and China Pan was all in
00:02:57
yellow and he had a rot in the sky and it was beautiful what are we doing
00:03:02
so anyway I went to Disneyland what is it nine things you didn't know about Disneyland's Star Treatment what does
00:03:07
that mean well you got star Tre in at Disneyland you I didn't jum the line no I I got a chaperon somebody held your
00:03:15
hand as you walked around the disne well no I just go hey can we go on the green man she goes Peter Pan I go yeah and and
00:03:22
she go I go how much is the way there's no way you go to the front of the line we yeah with and there's you know so
00:03:27
there's Mexican you know what is that wheelchairs they're in line for 9 hours why you get bro you know what I
00:03:35
mean and I'm always like yeah you know Ching but my point is
00:03:41
and then um so you walked by paralyzed kids waiting for their dream run I don't if they were paralyzed but they were they're all paralyzed at Disneyland
00:03:47
here's what else do you get um do you get a free a nice dinner do you get a nice food well you can get reservations
00:03:53
I didn't want to do any of that you didn't want to eat there huh no well in in the Star Wars land they had this like thing where it was like a um a p thing
00:04:00
with um you know um stuff that they get on Tatooine some sort of vegetable they get shipped straight from Tatooine wow
00:04:06
and it was pork meat oo yeah and you know porks pretty Chewbacca loves them
00:04:12
and then what else I did Star Wars I did the menelan Vulcan but you know what I
00:04:18
did the incredible roller Co you sound like when an 8-year-old goes to Disneyland I did incredible and then we did the Green Man then we and we got
00:04:25
pork and then and then and then what else did we and oh you know we Guardians the G who that was fun too but the incred we
00:04:31
did the incredible coaster twice it's pretty fun so it sounds like you had a good time uh so you went to both parks
00:04:38
yeah you went to both parks I guess so you went to Great Adventure what's it called Great Adventure californ California Adventure I go I and then
00:04:44
after at 5 we Lo lost her at five and she goes um well we can do a couple more I go no we're fine what do you mean you lost her at
00:04:51
five the guide was done no CU you yeah you you pay for a certain chunk right and I was just like it's so expensive I was like no we're good how much is it I
00:04:58
can't say it on that there go ahead and do it well you guess people could Google it I'm sure yeah you guess uh is it per
00:05:04
person or just for the for the time I don't know I mean I just go what is an hourly what do you think what was an
00:05:10
hourly an hour with a private guide and skip the line a thousand an hour yeah I
00:05:15
don't know no I don't know I don't know way less oh 500 100 right between what
00:05:21
250 an hour was 700 something an hour right between you have to do it
00:05:26
eight hours what do you know how you [ __ ] just did that no you said a th000 I go no you said 500 I go in
00:05:31
between so in between 500 and 1,000 you said way less way less than 1,00 not way less 750 is not way less than a thousand
00:05:38
that's not much I just don't want the people listen to think that I have a lot of money 750 an hour that's [ __ ] wild
00:05:44
cool you ever done did you ever get to do that with him no no would you ever want to yeah yeah you would want the privileg
00:05:51
do right would you want to go on the Green Man you the green man I just don't know how anyone because they're two hour
00:05:57
lines yeah people yeah people spend their whole they spend their whole and they play these like cuz a lot of Mexicans they play Hey bro let's do
00:06:04
Mexican let's see on a you give me a Mexican name and a right so they go okay
00:06:09
um Alejandra or whatever you know me and then they play these game I don't know what kind of games they play I that sounds like it arando but it was fun and
00:06:17
then then where else did I go so then we went to then um um Universal too oh my
00:06:23
God yeah the next day Jesus yeah it's pretty good so you're exhausted I'm
00:06:30
I'm gone you're not even here I'm a dead man is he more Hollywood than you now did Andrew I'm not more Hollywood than
00:06:36
him go ahead no chance Andrew can I clean your new house no no cuz we need
00:06:41
someone that can that's profession also also the best yeah but I don't want to get robbed and know it's an inside job
00:06:47
from her bunch of Filipinos that's so offensive because she is better than
00:06:52
anyone else you could get but I know what she does at your house and I don't want her to come over after doing like an hour poop scrub and then have to come
00:06:59
clean my house she would probably pick a different day yeah okay but she does a great job I want you to wear a hazmat
00:07:05
suit I don't have a house but if I do get another one I would you have a nice house and I was there for your little vacation um party you had the other day
00:07:12
thanks man and it was fancy people there producers no really the big movie that I
00:07:18
did with let me just say this and I want to get a fight with you because I'm in a mood it seems like you're begging for a
00:07:23
fight all day trying to start I'm poking I'm poking yeah because I just haven't seen
00:07:28
people in 3 days so I'm just saying well don't take it out on me I won't take it out on these [ __ ] let me just get
00:07:33
this out yeah and then can you get mad about this whole thing that's going on over there what's going on here then well you know I you know what happened
00:07:40
with Carlos why don't you talk about that Carlos called me crying on on Friday I mean he was really upset all
00:07:46
right tell the fans we should be honest if we're going to be honest about everything tell the fans okay let's be honest about all of it then all right
00:07:51
then he's in [ __ ] He's Carlos moved back to Texas and he's no longer on the show Good well he deserved it really
00:07:58
yeah yeah pissed me off he upset Bobby pretty bad he pissed me off Bobby had
00:08:03
text me about 30 times and four calls and I finally picked up I was outside and I got my phone and I was like what's
00:08:09
going on and what did you say I he's gonna get fired he's irresponsible you
00:08:14
said he has to be fired now he has to be fired now because but I don't feel the same way now oh so well we fired him so
00:08:21
I I feel different I can call him you want him back I can call him can I get him back well hold on yeah in lie of
00:08:28
this we had a little bit of a replacement here M yeah but once I saw the replacement I was like no I want to
00:08:34
you want Carlos back back yeah but mcon put in some effort to be your Carlos will you tell
00:08:40
him I had to go full Carlos for you Bobby are you ready yeah look at
00:08:50
this I did that for you okay my beautiful hair is for people that can't
00:08:55
see the show Mone has shaved his head Carlos and man is it awes I want to say
00:09:02
this okay look at this show play the video play look his buddy came over to his house an hour ago and shaved his
00:09:07
head in his living room and this is all based on the fact that I said last week I said you really
00:09:13
want to be Carlos and you said can I please be at the board please and I said do you really want to be Carlos I said
00:09:18
well then you ought to shave your head like Carlos and be bald like him and dude commitment he committed let's give
00:09:23
it up for the commitment that's good commitment that is huge I'm going to double down on it what do you what you
00:09:29
want him to go to a glory h no no no and I'm we're GNA do I'm really goingon to do this I'm in a mood okay be in the
00:09:35
mood I really respect that and that's aame dude and that's clutch and I love it right but here's the de deal we're
00:09:42
cutting that part out so you did that for no
00:09:48
reason so we're going to cut that whole thing put the hat back on put the hat back on put the hat back on right leave
00:09:54
it off it's fun no put the hat back on right you're going to keep that on there right we're going to cut the shave thing
00:10:00
up so you did that for no reason and I think and that's that suffice to me so mean it's even funnier though no no no
00:10:08
no don't do don't test me it looks [ __ ] funny don't test me do not or do not test me right now dude we're going
00:10:14
to keep it in that's insane why would keep it out for an now keep so funny leave his head on it looks great look
00:10:20
how good he looks well you're not my Carlos then bend down what happened to Carlos B yeah what did happen to Carlos
00:10:28
um I don't want to get into my personal life okay but if you if I may I may you
00:10:34
don't have to why don't you call Carlos and but let me say this okay he had to do one job he was supposed to pick
00:10:39
somebody up from the airport he supposed to arrange a car right so for a week every day I'm just like dude so you got
00:10:47
it he said I'm on it it's already booked right and I go okay every day dude you
00:10:53
got it yeah dude the name birthday everything he's going to be there right
00:10:59
the 11:00 happens I wake up this person calls um yeah um there's nobody here so
00:11:07
I go what the [ __ ] and I called the company and they go the person that booked
00:11:13
it canceled it two minutes ago Carlos
00:11:18
yeah should we get him on the phone you want me to call him and and I went ape
00:11:24
[ __ ] yeah you did try to burn down the whole world yeah let's get I'll get him on the phone here I'll get him on okay
00:11:30
you get him on why did you put Carlos in charge of something so important yeah why would you do that actually that is
00:11:36
that is because he does it for the tour and every time on the tour they're
00:11:41
there yeah but he screwed up this time so I'll call him I call him
00:11:48
here he's in Texas with his family I don't care his grandma died oh
00:11:54
[ __ ] hey Andrew what's up hey man so we're we're on the show now and
00:12:01
uh Bobby is pretty upset and uh he wants to talk to you about something oh yeah
00:12:08
but did he tell you what I did for him oh God what did you do okay I sent him
00:12:13
Air1 desserts oh desserts you know what those are I sent them four in Chocolate Moose right um there no no wheat or or
00:12:22
it's all what's it called gluten-free gluten-free oh so it's all gluten-free it's sugar- free gluten-free it's
00:12:28
garbage it's still out inside my door but it was expensive I don't care it literally go pick up the Air1 bag that's
00:12:33
outside my door it's been there for 3 days I have not pulled it inside the house what we'll get it all right it's rotting there smell I don't know what it
00:12:40
is I haven't even opened it but let me say something what you did there was out
00:12:45
of pocket that's there's no other other word there's no other word there's no other word all right and I'm going to
00:12:51
say that you really dropped the ball on that one I'm sorry about and and is this not true is this not true I called the
00:12:58
company and they go excuse me sir but you canel it 2 minutes ago and I said
00:13:04
the person that booked it canel the the [ __ ] pickup two minutes ago when
00:13:09
she's there why did you do that because the pickup was for 5:30 p.m. not 9:30
00:13:17
a.m. look can I ask you a valid question of course did I not give her you the
00:13:23
flight information you did and and does the flight information say 5:30 in the
00:13:28
afternoon noon or 9: in the morning this is 9: in the morning so why let me just
00:13:34
just curiosity why would one I give you the flight information why would one
00:13:39
ridiculously book a 5:30 in the afternoon thing Bob it's military time
00:13:45
it's a whole thing it's getting my mind all messed up I you know but I don't want to throw excuses your way wait a
00:13:50
minute you use military time military time you've never been in the military
00:13:56
yeah yeah which is a valid reason why I would mess up dude this mind trickery you're doing
00:14:03
is working it's not working for me it's working for me I almost agreed with him I was like right yeah do you use
00:14:09
military time when you book The Bad Friends tour stuff no they you know what I think the
00:14:15
website recently changed to military time I think it's a new thing oh out of
00:14:21
the blue you think it just happened while you were booking like in the middle of your booking yeah like they switched over like uh they were like oh
00:14:28
it switch over a military account for some reason it just was a glit it was a glitch in the system Bobby it was a
00:14:34
glitch in the system okay Carlos a memoir a glitch in the system that's gonna be your book told
00:14:41
you I told you this would never happen again so what happens what do I get if
00:14:47
it does happen again um you can put something in my
00:14:54
butt I've done that already dude that's like I could do that without this all right you can spank me no too easy you
00:15:01
have to give him your dog your new dog no no he's got to drink a Bobby Le concoction oh
00:15:07
boy do you hear that it's a shot glass a shot glass of whatever I put in there
00:15:12
you just got to drink it shot glass six o 6 o no it'll kill them so the 6 o what
00:15:19
I got in mind will kill him okay all right shot class you get a shot of whatever and
00:15:24
then I'm going to make a video of how I made it yeah and what it entails and we have to drop you off at Permanente you don't get right after yeah you have to
00:15:30
go to Kaiser I have the hook up at Cedars though because my dad too bad so sad
00:15:36
kiddo you gotta go to Kaiser all right I'll go to Kaiser all right so I'm gonna give you another shot you're not fired
00:15:42
I'm gonna I'm Gonna Keep Bob I really appreciate I'm gonna keep coming to you to book things but you drop the ball one time dude you will get a shot glass of
00:15:50
something just so otherworldly so grotesque it'll mess up your body and
00:15:55
you guys have no idea you're thinking Cal right now no oh no no no no not my come no I'll tell you that right now
00:16:02
worse mine yeah yeah all right well then you're not fired so you can come back
00:16:07
soon come back soon okay thanks guys by by bye bye bye bye babe okay big mess up
00:16:13
big freak out big mess up but everything's okay now everything's fine so that happened but it's been you know
00:16:19
I'm just I would missed everyone in this room yeah I just missed yeah I like my life too I like my life you're saying
00:16:27
you like you like you're the way things are the way you've got them you don't
00:16:33
you don't need outside forces I don't think I need anything more than what I have that's nice you know I think I have
00:16:41
in fact I miss some of the things I've had you missed me not you what what are
00:16:49
you your [ __ ] mind I see you every [ __ ] day I didn't think it was me you said miss me I miss you I miss you too
00:16:55
all right what nothing dude dude that no dude
00:17:04
chill dude you need dude you need to get another dog or something cuz that was weird I missed
00:17:12
you wa dude that's so uncomfortable I I you know what the truth be told I miss
00:17:17
you too I saw I I saw a guy today yeah from the back who had long black hair like you and I legitimately I driving I
00:17:25
go Bobby yeah you know what so funny miss you so today yeah um I was with
00:17:31
somebody and she was like did you see the Tik Tok with Andrew and Nicki Glazier about the uh the uh Taylor Swift
00:17:38
prank the punk right and I go you know what I I don't even I don't even need to see the the the the Tik Tok of it I'm
00:17:45
going to go to YouTube I'm G to watch the whole video the whole thing right and I watched the whole video and I was laughing so hard it was such a dumb
00:17:51
prank and during the prank I stopped laughing MH and I went
00:17:57
God I miss it oh oh see my prince how long were you gone Tito Bobby none of
00:18:02
your [ __ ] business business [ __ ] like you you ungrateful [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:18:08
asking [ __ ] questions [ __ ] none of your [ __ ] business lady what the [ __ ]
00:18:14
you talking about D you miss him like you've been gone for a year it's a thing that happens when you get older you
00:18:19
don't get it dud you get it right now lady you don't get it God [ __ ] business bit you don't miss anything do
00:18:24
you you miss nothing three days three days that's a time yeah and clean my
00:18:30
house today's Sunday that's not my fault hey you better watch your mouth watch
00:18:36
your [ __ ] mouth man God I missed you I missed
00:18:41
you how long do you how long do you take to clean his house for real all day all
00:18:46
day how much would you pay somebody to clean all day to clean my
00:18:52
whole house all day yeah and it's messy like it's everything is my house isn't messy
00:18:58
so it wouldn't be that how much would it be to clean your house all day um there's poo stands everywhere oh that's
00:19:04
ridiculous why do you keep saying that because it goes on to the internet people think I'm a poo man you are a poo
00:19:09
man but it's in the toilet she saying it's not on the wall yeah yeah it's on the wall it's not on the wall it's
00:19:15
insane the wall I had to wipe I do art like no no yeah he's the PO man
00:19:24
SK hey I think 80 bucks 80 bucks for the day for the day that's
00:19:31
all you should be paying her oh I just did the math in my head 80 bucks yeah so what I'm I and I think 10 bucks an hour8
00:19:37
hours 80 bucks let me see what your cleaning hand looks like go ahead and do it no no no no way too aggressive you're
00:19:42
going to scratch it no you're going to scratch the fridge to well if you're fragile then NE nothing is going to but
00:19:49
what I do Andrew is little trick she doesn't know I'm this is not even a lie what what do you do I do little I hide
00:19:55
little things to see if she cleans it and she gets all of them and I go okay
00:20:00
she's doing a good job so what I do is I'll go to the cat litter and I'll take tiny pieces of poo and just put them in
00:20:06
really weird spot that's why yeah I put weird spots couch yeah yeah little weird spots in R the house I go let's see if
00:20:12
she gets this a poop cleaner you are blue you know what guy I have Ed I admit
00:20:19
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holidays I also want to ask like go ahead and don't it's not about poo or nothing about please not you it's not
00:22:55
about you right now okay good thank you it's about Andrew very good about you right now okay so during
00:23:02
your your puberty boy puberty you're asking him or me both of you yeah okay
00:23:09
well I'm going to come back okay um what was like your first sign of like knowing
00:23:17
you like a girl is your boyfriend going through a puberty right now no me oh you're going through puberty right now I
00:23:22
think he got there no I'm like like I I feel like I like girls I think you do I
00:23:28
think we've said this before and I think you do I think you're I think you're admitting it a little bit because your boyfriend you don't like at all I don't
00:23:34
know man what do you mean you want to be real I I want to know your experience
00:23:39
you want to know what it is what I think your generation everybody's
00:23:44
gay you you guys you guys are like accepting a lot of things and and pondering which is fine I'm okay with it
00:23:52
but you Ponder more than we did well I just don't I think it was just it's not a part of culture like like it is now
00:23:58
when we were kids like now it's like everyone is like am I gay look at that well since I did am I gay qu since I did
00:24:04
a buy quiz why don't we do a quiz with her all right here we go do am I gay test here we go let's are you ready okay okay here we go all right zoom inom in
00:24:11
why are you taking this I usually fantasize or have romantic feelings towards people of my same gender I sometimes find myself attracted to more
00:24:16
than one gender or just for fun one I usually fantasize about have romantic feelings
00:24:22
yeah yeah really okay go back two two oh my God no you can be the answer you want
00:24:28
yeah yeah okay okay let's stick no go back go back go back go back go back wait let her stick to it if she says all
00:24:34
right start now right have you ever looked at a person your same gender and felt sexually attracted to them yes all my crushes are my same gender sometimes
00:24:40
I find myself attracted to more sometimes go ahead how frequently do you have sexual fantasies or dreams about
00:24:46
people of your same gender all of them are about people some of the time or all of my fantasies are about a gender other
00:24:51
than mine middle in your dreams some of the time there you are okay have you ever
00:24:57
kissed someone as the same gender as you no no wait like my relatives whoa whoa whoa
00:25:04
whoa whoa this not the incest test well it's it is kind of one and the same there is something below it that does say you might like a family member have
00:25:11
you ever kissed someone of the same gender yes just my like Mom and yeah just go back to no no no it's no it's no
00:25:17
no it's no but no that says no and I don't want to it doesn't matter no yes but yes I want see yes want to kiss
00:25:25
people okay so middle okay if your partner offered you a yes okay
00:25:31
be exciting something to try there you go that's pretty big do you find yourself romantically interested in people your same gender yes so is it I
00:25:38
am only romantically interested in people of my same gender or and others and others right okay think about the
00:25:45
people you have formed the strongest or most intense emotional Bonds in your life these people tend to be the same gender same gender same gender okay
00:25:51
because there's no other gender in that when I think about having sex or being romantically involved with someone of another gender I feel
00:25:59
of another gender like eh like a boy uninterested un to it yeah no that
00:26:04
sounds she went that doesn't sound open when I think about having sex or being romantically involved with someone in my same gender I feel positive and excited
00:26:11
or open or uninterested open to it open when I watch porn I it includes two
00:26:18
people the same gender it's always the same gender it's always two girls
00:26:23
okay you're gay you're gay 60% gay 39%
00:26:28
by wow yeah you're gay all right dude okay how do you
00:26:35
feel that doesn't sound gay to me that sounds pretty
00:26:40
straight would would your mom be mad no she's fine with it she always she's
00:26:46
always I don't know how to say English she say it in non English say it say
00:26:53
okay oh she's always a little bit frustrated but she'll get through it yeah yeah that's what that
00:26:58
is yeah what what if the bad what if the bad friend's family set you up with
00:27:03
somebody no I don't trust no we we're going to get the Banger what do you mean
00:27:09
you don't trust us to set you up with somebody we got bangers dude no I want to do it my own way this is your own way
00:27:16
yeah you're you're calling out for help and we're going to help you yeah you can't be drowning in the ocean and US throw you a [ __ ] Lifesaver and then
00:27:22
be like I don't want it what are you talking about no just to get one out of the way we're here to help not a
00:27:27
relationship just one night go to a hotel room see what happens what the [ __ ] are you talking about what do you
00:27:33
mean I'm just saying we're going to put it out there that anybody wants to that's I meant that's what I meant what are you talking about bad friends fans
00:27:38
out there if you are a young lady in the ages of 21 your age 21 what are you 21
00:27:45
or 22 how old are you I'm turning 22 this week that's right 22 this week Happ happy birthday you idiot and because we
00:27:52
knew it was your birthday we got you a gift George bring it in here
00:27:58
happy birthday to you happy birthday
00:28:03
happy birth what is that thank you George look at that gift we got you what is this come on don't you know that the
00:28:11
ding no no no no no no you don't hit it you you make a wish you blow a wish into it it's like it's a wish catcher there
00:28:18
you go very good oh I feel like it's a by pie it is a pip
00:28:23
pie a pip it's a pip pie that's what ties look like in your 21-year-old female to 26 27 right how old would you
00:28:31
go 21 to 24 okay what about what about like a
00:28:37
mil no I don't think I can handle older ladies could we they're financially secure they can get you out of that gig
00:28:44
that's true but I feel like they're aggressive not all of them what do you mean aggressive like they just know what
00:28:51
they want and they exactly they will to get it like I want it to be like chill
00:28:58
oh patty cake yeah is that what that is that patty cake baker's man yeah yeah yeah yeah oh what's that's what what is
00:29:04
this chill yeah that's how you [ __ ] when it's chill okay this is Chill do you do you even know some of the positions that
00:29:11
women do I mean do you no what the [ __ ] that's what I'm asking no I don't wait I
00:29:16
feel like I'm tried it I feel like this you're saying stuff that we know nothing about what do you mean I thought scissor
00:29:22
was a one no nobody does that no one does scissors I do that with fancy
00:29:29
oh I inde yeah look at this Googling lesbian sex position how to have lesbian
00:29:35
sex and this would the next step it would be the next step here we go so what's the first
00:29:40
one bu a Subaru why does it say that on the list um I can make I think I can make up
00:29:47
sexual moves for lesbians yeah how about one that you're they're B over but they're they but are facing
00:29:54
each other and there's a dildo attaching it yeah like that's that's great right what do you think of that I like that one and they back up into each other
00:30:00
yeah they Goot I got I got a good one okay um they're walking down the street
00:30:06
yeah and they're scoffing at white males uhhuh scoffing what's a
00:30:11
scoff oh [ __ ] I hate scoffs I've got scoffs all my life you've been getting
00:30:18
scoffed at that's scoffing uh oh I've done that yeah yeah
00:30:25
that seems G Eric yeah that seems pretty wait wait the what's the hand doing ring I think
00:30:32
she's taking the necklace oh she's robbing her she's robing her are a lot of lesbians she's holding one of the
00:30:38
arms like I want that necklace all right that's a pretty good one well that's a reason to be a lesbian
00:30:43
you could steal from them oh yeah yeah you could become a thief yeah that's so [ __ ] fun well look any young woman
00:30:50
that's out there that's looking to date Rudy please uh why don't you send an email to uh Carlos in the booth
00:30:57
gmail.com that's Carlos andthe Booth gmail.com and the boys will make that and so I want to date Rudy so submit
00:31:04
your photo uh where you live who you are and why you want to date Rudy and we'll maybe get on a date with you you do have
00:31:11
a tomboy kind of a Vibe I think where did that phrase come from tom boy tomboy
00:31:16
I don't know Tom tomboy tomboy I'm a girl no tomboy I am cuz I like softball
00:31:24
first appeared in the 1500s meeting uh wild romping girl who acts like a boy 19th century America being a tomboy has
00:31:30
seen as many extremely healthy for girls who are they're not all like tomboy aren't all lesbians like
00:31:36
I'm sure um Ronda Rousey was a tomboy for sure and but yeah she likes dick
00:31:43
yeah I guess I don't know yeah so there's a probably a lot like that I watched a video of her yesterday by the way that's so weird you say that popped
00:31:48
up about her just she's so [ __ ] strong she was so [ __ ] so strong huh were you kind of a tomboy
00:31:54
when you were a little kid
00:32:04
no that's why I don't know how to answer that I was like I don't think I was like tomboy they're all rugged right and
00:32:12
we're overalls I don't do that were you a tomboy I was a tom girl you're a tom
00:32:17
girl okay I was a born a girl but I looked like a tough guy yeah t no born a
00:32:22
guy looked like a tough girl tomboy yeah we had a Tom we had tomboy in my neighborhood I could [ __ ] beat
00:32:28
everybody at everything they beat all the boys at everything yeah they would be they would literally beat all the boys at all the [ __ ] it is kind of
00:32:34
fascinating to think about now to what what wow well your eyes went
00:32:42
cross you when you're thinking you your eyes do something cute that that's cute dude okay yeah
00:32:49
don't be cute right do you want me to scoff at you dude don't scoff oh
00:32:54
no anyway look we'll we'll get you a date and we'd like to know how the progress goes okay but you do if you do
00:33:01
got a date don't you got to break up with your boyfriend what if I just ask him I want to go on a date call him up
00:33:09
he's at work yeah call him up he's at work well then PA Cheesecake Factory tell them you need five he's at work no
00:33:16
I'm not I don't want to invol I don't want to involve he's a shy guy yeah we're not doing that he's really shy yeah you're the one that's trying to get her to break up with this [ __ ] guy no
00:33:23
I like him actually I like him a lot I have another topic to okay go ahead yeah okay so when you were a kid did you have
00:33:29
a hard time holding your pee question saving it no like hold like
00:33:37
when you laugh and you have to hold it oh did you did you have a hard time with that no you saying have I ever like
00:33:43
fifth grade fifth sixth grade peed myself no really I've never I've never
00:33:49
pissed my pants NE although at the age that I'm at which you are older I know you do you leak sometimes a little bit don't you uh you leak well I'll tell you
00:33:56
what I do you leak I leak okay here's what I do leaky leaky can I tell you what I do yeah I have to spend a little
00:34:03
longer peeing yeah right because dance isn't over usually Yeah couple more even when the music ends the dance is still
00:34:10
going do you ever League Fancy no I want to keep [ __ ] liar liar you never have
00:34:15
a couple of extra drips no so far when you're done peeing
00:34:21
and you put it away you put it back in it in the you you sheath it yes you know you don't have a drip that drop that
00:34:26
comes out you you know where the drips come out of his tits with your pork tits D George tell
00:34:32
me you have a drip or two that comes out sometimes oh yeah absolutely absolutely you shake and then you try to shake
00:34:38
again and then you put it in sometimes and then you look down and there's a little wet spot on the outside tell
00:34:43
people I just washed my hands D we got to get Carlos back D you really do got to get Carlos back D this is yeah so um
00:34:50
let me ask you this but he's being real that is true I have a Mone hasn't experienced you're too young yet to have a little drip DRP I haven't dripped you
00:34:56
will do and you will Leak Bad trust me yeah I have a hard time holding it wait
00:35:02
do you pee you have you pissed yourself before yeah in the fifth grade and that'll never leave your your brain huh
00:35:08
yeah cuz it was in front of everyone somebody made you laugh and you pissed yourself yeah and I don't like peeing in
00:35:14
public bathroom so I had to hold it the whole day and then when I laughed it just everything came out and I kind of I
00:35:22
I lied and said that I had a magic pants you had magic pants and they believed it yeah idiots
00:35:30
well I think they believed it this is in the Philippines yeah yeah they'll believe anything yeah magic pant's
00:35:35
expensive in the Philippines mhm uhhuh only certain people can get them yeah I have something that happened H and I
00:35:42
don't I wasn't even going to bring this up but um please do by the way I used to hold in my poop I didn't want to poop at school yeah I just wait to poop at home
00:35:49
yeah but then sometimes you get home and it come out rabbit rabbit turds so I I I can't say names yeah and I don't even
00:35:55
know if I should even be talking about this come on but yesterday I was doing so I know this guy who's a producer okay
00:36:03
he's a guy I've known for a very long time mhm probably 30 years 30 years okay
00:36:09
okay trying to put it together and so we were doing a business call about a project and I go okay man I'll see you
00:36:15
later ugly he goes okay man all right stay ugly I said he goes okay dude I go
00:36:23
don't look in any mirrors you're going to crack them I hung up right you said the three times Jesus Christ could have
00:36:29
done it once I know I know and late at night like 1: in the morning the dude
00:36:34
texts me you what you know what dude [ __ ] you he texts me and he's like basically he goes I've known you for 30
00:36:41
years dude and you [ __ ] been saying that right for 3 years and you know what dude I'm not ugly I swear to God he goes
00:36:49
I he goes I'm not ugly and dude I'm not a [ __ ] 22-year-old [ __ ] door man at the store where you can talk to him
00:36:54
like that dude Benji a FL no I'm no he's not producer you know he goes you know I'm you know I got a family and you know
00:37:02
and people think I'm good-looking you know so he goes [ __ ] you and I'm like I was so I'm the side of the bed reading
00:37:09
this thing laughing not laughing just going I scoffed at it you
00:37:15
scoffed right but then I texted him back like you know what I'm so sorry I go overboard I apologize just kidding I
00:37:23
know but then as hours went by I was laying bed just mad that I texted him
00:37:28
back you shouldn't have done it you don't think so what was your play you should have let it sit oh so you call me ugly I send you a
00:37:35
[ __ ] text going don't call me don't do that anymore I don't respond you don't respond and then what happens cuz you sit with it until we see each other
00:37:41
again which it could be six months hilarious that it's sitting in your
00:37:46
[ __ ] brain right right it's like if if you're that insecure you know I'm kidding if I've known you for 20 [ __ ] years you don't know that I'm kidding
00:37:52
around yeah grow up well I I'll tell you exactly what I said so funny I don't know why after all these years you talk
00:37:58
so much [ __ ] to me calling me ugly and all kinds of stupid
00:38:05
[ __ ] I always show respect to you mhm I am not some [ __ ] 22-year-old door
00:38:12
guy who enjoys being ridiculed jesz this is a 50-year-old man
00:38:19
a friend of yours a friend of mine so mine is I'm so sorry his name I was just
00:38:24
kidding but sometimes I just go overboard I'll never do it again I make fun of people I love and I love you
00:38:30
sorry yeah you you're mean to me yeah so and then he did he say anything else yes
00:38:35
I kind of want to know what did he say I mean we have to all right so he goes um
00:38:41
all good dude I always take it as good natured I it pissed me off some reason
00:38:46
today yeah he's having a I love you too thanks for the note you just [ __ ] having a bad day yeah yeah okay but just
00:38:53
but dude the response B I sat on it you you didn't want to send it and I'm never
00:38:59
going to send it again I think you're right I I think it would have been more fun just to [ __ ] around yeah but here's
00:39:06
what the broader picture question I have for you you and I right are not normal
00:39:13
right correct we talk to C certain people thinking because you know we're around comics a lot and they can handle
00:39:19
all kinds of [ __ ] yeah we always say weird but then you go to Pep Boys or any out there right and then you act the same and then you realize that no people
00:39:26
don't necessarily don't know you and they don't really know that sense of humor sure and sometimes I've had other
00:39:33
people have to say to other people like oh he's a comic he doesn't right he doesn't mean that or whatever right and
00:39:39
it's like do you have to edit yourself when you're out in the wild or yeah I'm usually kind of yeah you have to be more
00:39:45
reserved because you're I don't know if people are going to get it if we're [ __ ] around sometimes I will [ __ ] around yeah and she'll be like what are
00:39:51
you doing oh really yeah yeah because I'm like I just thought would your wife says that just kidding yeah just fck but
00:39:57
people don't get it and sometimes she'll be like why would you why' you say that I know I know [ __ ] around do I say
00:40:03
something to are you do I offend you ever the first time we met e kala had to tell us like oh um you can't take
00:40:11
anything he say seriously yeah yeah cuz the first time in met you said so many like shocking
00:40:18
things that I was like kind of like like what was give me an example of something I would say I don't know like my face
00:40:24
and like my ear or like monkey something I mean what what no I do believe that
00:40:30
that sounds Prett you're faceing your ear you're monkey what the [ __ ] are you talking about why would I say that and no one has said that to me but you for
00:40:37
the first time that I met you and then at think said that's the first thing I said out of my mom your face your ears you look like a monkey yeah I bet I bet
00:40:44
you went look at your face look at your ears ah you [ __ ] monkey I bet that's what you said look you and remember Isa
00:40:50
cried okay his sister her sister cried would you call her a monkey what' I call her I forgot but I feel like you to
00:40:57
called her like a [ __ ] door Dash oh my God I love door Dash you know guys I
00:41:03
literally don't go out to eat I get everything delivered at my house door Dash I get donuts I get Italian food I
00:41:11
get sushi I get everything from door Dash sometimes I get like batteries because sometimes my um my Xbox
00:41:17
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00:41:22
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00:42:10
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00:43:40
know that you don't mean it but you're I don't mean any of I love everyone not everyone most people no no most people I
00:43:47
love and and if I'm gonna say that to somebody it's out of love yeah because
00:43:52
you don't think I know what I look like what do you mean
00:43:58
mean what do you mean what I mean what are you you know what I look I know I look I know what I look like what it
00:44:05
look like [ __ ] like bloating
00:44:10
corn bloated corn yeah you know do you ever see like baked Mexican corn yeah I
00:44:17
love Mexican corn don't you love it where they put the little stuff on it right and sometimes they cook it way too
00:44:22
much and yeah yeah and one of the colonels yeah that's exactly I look that's me
00:44:29
that looks yummy though I know I'm delicious I get it but I look you know what a gourd you know like a gourd yeah
00:44:35
you kind of have gourd what a little bit of gourd I have a gourd go yeah there it is go down go r
00:44:42
d that's kind of goury yeah I'm a gourd see that's you and me that's that's you and me combine combine that's our baby dude that's our baby our gourd baby my
00:44:48
point is I know what I look like and and people rip me to Parts they rip me to
00:44:54
shreds you don't think I go to New York and the first thing out of comic's mouth is just rip rip rip yeah right it's like
00:45:01
I deserve it I know I look like this but when it's not Comics people don't know yeah maybe that's the thing but I trust
00:45:07
me I get it like as mean as we are to George he deserves it but he gets it but he's had to learn he's had to learn
00:45:15
there was moment yeah in the beginning no you've had to learn no you were sensitive before when when I first met
00:45:21
you at Baker oh come on oh yeah did you were sensitive what oh George how was I
00:45:28
sens let's get this out in the air I like this I like this George you better buck up yeah yeah how was I sensitive I
00:45:34
looked at my clock my watch Once uh when you walked in and you uh you flipped out
00:45:40
you were like I can show up 15 minutes late it's my shoot hey Bob this guy's
00:45:45
built for podcast I can see why you work with
00:45:51
him he's not sensitive that's not me being sensitive
00:45:57
dude I'm like I could do what I want that's right you're being a [ __ ] and you're like oh 15 minutes late first of
00:46:03
all makeer suit just way the [ __ ] out of nowhere remember it was in the middle of no Century City Drive there every
00:46:09
day you better just because you're in a suit doesn't mean you catch a Tong with us [ __ ] attorney did you wear a suit
00:46:14
for the show to look no he always he's been wearing that every day you've been wearing suits now oh yeah you're a suit guy yep it is funny to watch someone
00:46:20
make the transition from Regular Guy to suit guy yeah that's a big thing that isn't like a in the comedy world too when Comics just become suit Comics
00:46:27
that's a it's a thing you want remember Steve Burn did it Steve Burn became a suit guy Ryan Stout scof right in his
00:46:33
face remember Ryan Stout oh yeah yeah suit guy Rick Ingram Ingram Rick there's nothing no only no only when he opens up
00:46:39
for Chris Rock yeah and Chris makes him do it but there's nothing wrong with it I'm just saying you see it happen it's interesting to watch your friends become
00:46:45
suit guys yeah there's no I you look good I'm not bothered by it but you're a suit guy now the only issue I have with
00:46:51
the suit is that the Footwear should be kind of a popping highlight and those shoes areu [ __ ] ridiculous take one
00:46:57
off and put it up to the camera so they see what you're wearing come on come on baby boy show it off show those pretty
00:47:02
little feet also the kind of suits you where it's like more Liberace well he's a little bit Liberace isn't he it's a
00:47:08
little too like I like it when it's more basic no you got you got to dress 49%
00:47:13
gay because the gays have fashion 49% gay without being false advertising
00:47:19
interesting interesting never read that before what percent do gay do we dress Bobby's at 51 no look at that that's a
00:47:27
10% gay fancy you're gonna get [ __ ] get your ass beat buddy oh my good what did you say what did you say Bud you're
00:47:33
look good you look good is what I meant run in his mouth you're 10,000% gay I like that I
00:47:42
heard I heard to the graine did you see killers of the flower moon no it's a good I haven't seen it yet but I just heard to the Grave findind that scores
00:47:49
he got mad CU he caught wind if they were doing intermissions at certain places cuz you know it's a three-h hour movie yeah three and a half 20 yeah
00:47:56
apparently people were doing uh people were doing like their own intermission intermission yeah and he heard about it
00:48:02
to the gra Vine was [ __ ] livid about it but it is a long ass movie that's a long movie yeah I'd be mad because when do
00:48:10
they do the intermission he should be able to choose when look at that intermission violations Apple Paramount Crackdown on handful of theaters
00:48:16
breaking the agreement I got to tell you though yeah I need to piss three and a half hours can I piss
00:48:23
let me piss you can't drink anything or or drink or eat you're you're going to p and by the way unless you pissed the
00:48:28
moment you've got to the theater three and a half hours you probably need to Le because you've been eating and drinking while you've been there so you think
00:48:34
it's a violation you think you got to sit through it no I think that you know they should call scors and have them go
00:48:39
when do you think the right part he says no no they made an agreement he made them sign a contract saying you will not make an intermission and theaters were
00:48:46
like [ __ ] off they did it anyway okay I mean SC say he wouldn't let you take a break no
00:48:52
chance when's the last time I did a movie where there was inter Mission though I don't remember Ben her Ben her
00:48:59
yeah that was [ __ ] what yeah Ben her I think G had one yeah there's another
00:49:04
movie I saw I think it was Once Upon a Time in America one of those kind of I haven't done a break in a film and I can't
00:49:10
remember eight I think had won did it I think so not sure I don't remember go I
00:49:17
don't remember taking a break I don't think it did but I feel like I don't know I feel like I kind of get it the
00:49:23
theater's like people like it h people want a break only the 70 millimeter did
00:49:28
70 millimeter Road show had a break and the hateful late because it was longer
00:49:33
but see like her generation like how like would you sit through a three and a half hour movie yeah I can do in the theater do your friends like that kind
00:49:39
of stuff but when's the last movie you saw at three and a half hours Avengers that's not three and is
00:49:45
it three and a half hours long long and they didn't have an intermission they didn't have one though and action movies
00:49:51
aren't going to have intermission but you can go any like you're not going to be able to miss anything no you can just leave yeah oh Hulk is still [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:49:57
up oh cool yeah Paul ruds in this that's what you say when you come back from the
00:50:04
bathroom Ant-Man might be one of the weirdest franchises I think I've ever seen in my entire life yeah I mean like
00:50:10
no disc but also what is that that's such a strange it's such a strange thing yeah
00:50:15
know no intermission like ant-man's one of those movies where I was like oh I can get in that I'm surprised you didn't
00:50:21
get Ant-Man you are Ant-Man for sure that's that is you 100% K Jong got a little little part in The Avengers and
00:50:27
the anman part did he really yeah at the very beginning you think we'll ever be in
00:50:33
Marvel ever you could be what man there's I don't remember
00:50:41
that yeah yeah he's playing that's you I know he's playing Bobby Lee they
00:50:47
literally were like Bobby Lee yeah that's offensive yeah you ever you
00:50:54
ever talk to Ken yeah you still do yeah do you ever say stuff like that should have been me no because it sounds weird
00:51:01
yeah it does hey man how's the family that should have been me in the Aventure what man no I just saw it nothing just
00:51:07
should have been me should have been me it was literally me it looked like me you know it's so funny these kind of movies I'm not even you know I mean I
00:51:14
don't even know how people get them well I don't people because people go well I know other actor like yeah you know I
00:51:20
track movies and then when they start casting I get in the process I I so I tried with uh um the um the Chinese uh
00:51:29
shangi no the um the rich Hidden Dragon Crazy Rich Asians so I I followed that
00:51:35
along yeah in the trades and I go okay there this is the casting right and I'm like and I called my agent I go just
00:51:42
tell them I'm interested but they mostly Chinese yeah I know and they're like they're not interested it cuz you're
00:51:48
Korean well that's what they said but then they put Canada yeah you know what I mean he's
00:51:53
Chinese passing though and then Shang chi I did it and they were like really good but we're not you're not going to
00:51:59
ever get that no they gave it to um Ronnie Ronnie Chang's great yeah I know
00:52:05
that's what I'm saying so you try you read for it right yeah and you you know and you put in the tape and they're just
00:52:11
like no and then you're like okay I try yeah but that's going to happen yeah have you gotten one of those well
00:52:17
they're not making a lot of Howdy Duty movies [ __ ] am I what am I going I don't want to talk about Show Business and my
00:52:23
my Frailty I I we we do that time it's like it's I you know we're B I'm blessed with what I have that's right I got
00:52:31
stuff too man who gives a [ __ ] man you do yeah yeah you know what and dude it's not even for me dude you know I'll tell
00:52:36
you something pal you know I realized when I've been on the streets pal
00:52:42
right we're like snake oil salesmen you and I yeah yeah this show we're selling
00:52:47
snake no what I'm saying is we go door to door and we go hey you know we're not like you know we're not in the part of
00:52:53
this big machine they won't let us in the big Big Box store right so we go door too and we sell it that way and you
00:52:58
know what dude it's the and and it's so funny because these other ones that are they get the green light from you know
00:53:05
the Hollywood they're trying to do what we're doing two bears
00:53:10
yeah yeah yeah and it's like not two bears but you you you understand and
00:53:16
it's like um no we're doing it the way old school not just old school it's the
00:53:22
I think the right way to do it well the most authentic way to do it like this is
00:53:27
me bu me and there and PE and a lot of people hate me but but a lot of people
00:53:33
are like I love that people don't hate you I know people hate those guys those
00:53:39
guys I mean yeah this guy probably the most yeah I will give you some props for
00:53:45
shaving your head I do think that's an incredible move on your part I mean balls and now or what are you going to do now what's the rest of the haircut
00:53:50
going to be I'm going to wait for it to I'm just going to kind of be weird for like a few months I get to be like Carlos like kind of undercover cuz being
00:53:58
Carlos being bald he's like an undercover person with hair whenever he puts his hat on no one knows but you got
00:54:03
to shave all of it I'm going to do I'm going to do it like keep it like this for a while and then I'm going to Mullet it want all I think the mullet is rat if
00:54:11
he gets I'm going I'm going to yeah I'm going to do the mullet once it grows out and levels I'm going to okay do the sides and he still gets more girls than
00:54:18
me it's great good job you should have but yeah that's not true yeah it is
00:54:25
I've been watching you dude and you know what I accept it you're the Young Gun in the factory and I um I my hat's off to
00:54:32
you dude New Blood I don't know i f i fumble the bag though a lot I fumble the bag though a lot I fumble all the time
00:54:38
yeah yeah a lot of bags fumbled my friend did I ever tell you my Pete Davidson story I don't want to hear it
00:54:44
he used to [ __ ] Pete Davidson I don't want to hear and then I fumbled the bag yeah yeah what happened with Pete Davidson well no so this was like right
00:54:50
when I moved out to LA I was 22 I was at a bar and this older woman started talked she was like 30 she started
00:54:56
flirting with me and she was like you give me a real Pete Davidson Vibe I really like that really like I think that's really cool and I was like okay
00:55:02
cool and then I as we were drinking through the night I was like we started making out in the bar and I was like I should lean into this Pete Davidson
00:55:08
thing what do I know about Pete Davidson uh oh so we're making out and then I whisper in her ear my dad died in
00:55:16
911 and it it it it didn't go well like as I was saying it think my hat off to
00:55:22
you that's so funny she didn't like so funny dud as I was saying it I was like there's a 50 like this is a this is a pretty bad bomb if it bombs because
00:55:30
nowhere in my mind would I think that this would be a good move I think that's so funny if I was that girl making out
00:55:35
with her I'm like my dad died you know would have been boss on her part if she was like which Tower
00:55:42
yeah yeah no she just said did he really and I was like oh no I was just leaning to Pete David and she's like yeah like
00:55:48
I'm a little older than you and I'm from New York so like I kind of know what that's insane I love it she was being
00:55:55
real I love it and you did you ask her if she lost anybody in 911 yeah and then she said well no but we like knew of
00:56:01
people and I was like okay so can I finger you still how uncomfortable with that that
00:56:08
so awkward damn dude good move good good Mo it's not even a Pete Davidson story
00:56:13
that's a you not getting [ __ ] from being a weirdo story it's an it's the anti- Pete Davidson story yeah yeah but
00:56:19
you know lean in dude but I don't know Carlos Carlos honestly is the most successful like with with women so like
00:56:26
maybe this will help a weird waybe maybe you'll start to land a little bit more it is just like after it's gone I was so
00:56:33
nervous for like the past two days I was like I have to just do it and after I did it there it is kind of freeing are
00:56:38
you going to walk around like this every now and again I I do get ashamed why it looks cool see it does look Co see and
00:56:45
she's hip she's young she gets it well I was even I was walking with my my friends that cut my hair Tristan and
00:56:50
Chloe we were walking afterwards and then they loved they were just like take your hat off again when we were in
00:56:56
public and I just I felt like a piece of meat a little bit you know but like now I know what Carlos feels like like constantly piece of meat it brings me
00:57:02
back to when we were in San Diego and we're at that bar remember that bar yeah on the street on the street and
00:57:08
I right and the girl walks up to me and she goes she didn't know who I was so I
00:57:14
felt like this kid over here D And she goes I think you're cute I was like me
00:57:19
what and she started making out with me and she goes I'm want to come to your hotel room tonight so I gave her my
00:57:25
number cut to eight hours later I'm by the door in my hotel staring at my phone
00:57:32
it's like the the the sun's out now right and I go I don't think she's
00:57:37
calling why not why do you think she didn't you think she said that to a lot of guys that night I think so
00:57:43
yeah I think so she just shooting her shot I think I got [ __ ] oh my I remember that I was like I'm not I'm I
00:57:49
was I'm so 50 years old I'm like I'm never going to do this again why wait up you didn't want to wait all night to
00:57:55
wait and stare at a phone like a [ __ ] psychopath right and then my mom cuz my
00:58:00
mom will text me at 3:00 in the morning go I I rub you so one time I I oh [ __ ] it's my mom [ __ ] you mean but it was
00:58:07
like yeah I mean yeah and I look I think about you I had another friend that you know that was able to just walk into a
00:58:14
bar and women will just make out with them who his name was kalis I've talked to him about him before but um and
00:58:19
you're like that you remind me of them congratulations man my hat's off to you and I hope you a movie one day
00:58:27
uh I don't know I don't know have you ever hooked up in a bar no I'm not honestly I'm like I say
00:58:34
[ __ ] like that I'm not very successful in like have you hooked up in a bar or in a like have you in a public
00:58:41
place well I ate a girl's vagina on the stairway right below mit's office that's
00:58:47
public pretty out public in the stairwell yeah in that creepy little weird stairwell it's like a haunted
00:58:52
house I know you were like wo [Laughter]
00:58:59
yeah yeah yeah it's like I saw like literally people don't know the back of MIT old office it's so creepy creepy no
00:59:06
lights and it's like this haunted little like a stairwell that goes to three different places oh it's so [ __ ]
00:59:11
creepy yeah so what you brought her back there and you were like hey let's go upstairs I I got her her pants down
00:59:18
right and I went to the bottom of the stairs and I crawled over it like the
00:59:23
Exorcist right and she was like
00:59:29
woo throwing up everywhere yeah yeah in fact I've had a lot of weird hookups up there in The Comedy Store oh yeah the
00:59:35
belly room especially the not the belly yeah the belly room Green Room a couple of times belly oh yeah yeah yeah late
00:59:42
night wait but people can come I know there's two doors that people come in so there's a lot of like you know I mean
00:59:48
looking yeah yeah moving her head to block it yeah I get that have you ever hooked up in public no no good don't
00:59:54
ever do it don't ever do it I won't I broke a girl's heart once there in the
01:00:00
belly room go on I don't know if I should share it but I feel bad about it well
01:00:07
well I met her in a town love meeting people in
01:00:13
town one of my favorite places to meet people it was a small town and I was opening for paully okay and she I opened
01:00:21
you know I used to crush you still do I know but back then you know what I mean just different different kind of crush
01:00:27
and I met her and she's like I'm going to come out to LA she does and then I had a l La Hoya gig yeah right and you
01:00:35
back you know back in there when you played La Hoya you you would uh stay at stay at the condo with two or three other Comics sometimes six other Comics
01:00:41
I go stay with me right she came in the condo yeah she stayed at the condo all weekend right right and um but she
01:00:47
brought her guitar she did yeah and late at night she would go like I'm with
01:00:53
Comics I think it was Jeff Richards Kelly Cen and she was just bust out her guitar and start singing her songs were
01:00:59
they good no yeah they had to put seven heaven and son you know my little Asian
01:01:06
boy and they would like you know everyone in the room their eyes would roll and then one day she this it was a
01:01:13
Sunday feel so bad I should share this did I just tell you about this dingleberry what happen I've told you
01:01:19
about this dingleberry yeah yeah so I'm having sex with her from behind mhm M I
01:01:25
smell poo mhm right yeah I remember this yeah and she goes and I you know I was I
01:01:30
lifted my two thumbs separated her right bung yeah and there was a little hair
01:01:36
sticking out of her butthole and there was a little piece of poo hi exactly D
01:01:42
if it had a [ __ ] that was dead on D hi hi Bobby yeah I'm from a small
01:01:47
town right yeah and my boss plays the guitar she's a singer songwriter she's
01:01:54
struggling it's so funny a piece of poo saying I'm from a small town yeah yeah I'm from a small town right so I and I
01:02:01
in my mind I'm like what the [ __ ] and then she says I just had a vision while
01:02:07
I'm behind her she goes I had a vision that we had a house and two kids and a
01:02:13
white Peet fence and I said I had a vision that we went to CVS and got toilet paper right
01:02:21
now you're right and she was Mor I never said that what did you say the second
01:02:27
part I didn't say she said the [ __ ] small pick fense in my mind I said it yeah but you never talk to her again no I flicked it right and then I dissed her
01:02:36
you just never talk yeah yeah and I felt so bad about it well if you're out there miss dingleberry wherever you
01:02:43
are we hope you're doing well in your small town was she white they're always
01:02:48
white they always white from a small town come on dude black women wipe at their butth holes
01:02:55
was she white yeah do you wipe your butthole oh my God no what the [ __ ] are you talking about of course he does wash
01:03:02
it yes yes okay I have one of those wall things in my shower and I just open
01:03:10
up very very clean in the spirit of Thanksgiving CU this episode come out right before Thanksgiving love I'm going
01:03:16
to get your house right what yeah we're all going to be it wait say it again I'm going to your parents house yeah you're going to everyone's going to go to my
01:03:22
mom's house for Thanksgiving oh I can't wait it's going to be well it's just me you and uh you're not going to be there
01:03:28
I'm picking you guys up from the airport you are I'm driving from Minnesota that morning to pick you guys up at two but
01:03:33
can you not go to Thanksgiving what if you just drop us off at my mom's house and you leave is that fine that's what I
01:03:38
was going we give you money to get go to a steakhous could go rewind I just can't I can't do Thanksgiving Steak House no
01:03:44
no we'll give you a couple bucks you can go to McDonald's I'll go to weener Circle funny what if we make him sleep in his car outside of my mom's house
01:03:51
who's going to be there the crew me you him everyone but Stacy yeah Stacy is going to be Arty and Milwaukee so me you
01:03:59
juice him Carlos and Carlos if you let him if you let him in I don't have to stay at your parents house right I'm
01:04:04
Hotel well surprise surprise don't want to you're staying at my mom's house these guys get a hotel we didn't get you
01:04:11
one oh I I've always wanted you know what I like recording you know field noises MH right and I want to field What
01:04:18
creatures do at night white people you're your mom yeah scary creatures like a field recording you know I mean
01:04:25
you know yeah we're going to have anti it's anti- Thanksgiving Thanksgiving we don't
01:04:30
do Thanksgiving we're goingon to have like [ __ ] I can't wait we're you're not you you don't even see here's the
01:04:37
deal you don't know this version of me what meet my mom no you don't know the
01:04:42
fam I'm a family man dude when it comes no when it comes to going to people's houses yeah and being in those kind of
01:04:49
environments I play a role and I play The Family Man same thing no I wear I I
01:04:55
don't I'm Noto you should dress I'm going to wear a nice shirt I want to be thank you so much for the um turkey
01:05:01
brisket thank you very nice I'm going to use the right utensils I'm going to put
01:05:06
the little handkerchief in a napkin whatever why do you have a handkerchief I have my own handkerchief oh you do
01:05:12
yeah for dinners okay right put that in right and I'm going to oh oh so at the end of the meal um do you need help you
01:05:20
never do that not in your family not in your [ __ ] family you watch when he comes to a white house at all CH yeah
01:05:26
yeah I'm going to go bring I'm going to bring the plates to the thing I'm going to wash it off no way I swear to God you
01:05:32
know what I'm going to make you do what I'm gonna make you say a prayer before the dinner dude I have go mom Bobby loves to say grace you want to hear it
01:05:39
yeah let's hear it right now prep um well first I would make an announcement ladies and gentlemen and
01:05:45
everyone here at the dinner let's be grateful for what we have it's Thanksgiving um and may I do prayer oh
01:05:52
please may I please can we all hold hands please so we hold hands MH dear
01:05:57
heavenly father Lord and Savior God grace Heavens be MH together we are and
01:06:03
together we be in the future and in the past in the moment but most importantly we have each other and we are grateful
01:06:10
for the land the sea the oxygen the land that we stand on the earth that we work
01:06:16
we work on the earth we do yes and we grind but we get pleasure out of success
01:06:23
and by the end of the night when the Sun goes down we get to be with each other once again and
01:06:29
to Scurry we Scurry whimsically oh yeah
01:06:34
through the fields of our mind right but we're still in our home that's right
01:06:42
developing all these glorious moments so Lord thank you amen and take care good
01:06:48
night you're leaving I'm I leave you don't want to eat no I do a salute no dude dude I do a salute right and I
01:06:56
vanish smoke bombs I put through smoke bombs and I'm gone dude and then you're gone and we're like people just get so
01:07:02
confused about it when you leave we're like there's rice everywhere what the [ __ ] happened yeah yeah yeah I liveit my own white
01:07:08
rice you do a prayer Lord Jesus
01:07:16
amen I close it out with you I want to thank you I want to thank you for the power
01:07:21
that you've instilled in this Anglo-Saxon family Mayflower material thank you for letting
01:07:27
us come together and bond with one of our Asian Brethren a man of the Orient who brought no spice no
01:07:34
rug no rice but love God bless I'm sweating by the way just watch I'm
01:07:41
sweating we love him even though he is our enemy in the name we pray Jesus keep
01:07:47
him safe keep him keep him short and keep
01:07:53
him round amen
01:07:58
amen will you please do that yeah [ __ ] yeah are you kidding me write my my I I
01:08:04
improvised mine will you write mine down yeah I thought it was good yeah it was really good please write it down cuz I'm going to say that print it out Mone so
01:08:11
he he can hand it out to everybody at the yeah yeah I need to hand it out to everybody read it yeah yeah I thought the stuff of like screwing was great
01:08:17
really good yeah yeah yeah you got anything else kiddo
01:08:22
no tell the people goodbye thank you for being a bad
01:08:28
[Music] friend
01:08:37
what [Music]
01:08:52
[ __ ] [Music]
01:08:59
yeah
