00:00:00
you two are bad friends you are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude
00:00:06
you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
00:00:24
[Music] do you look different yeah next level you look next level i'm
00:00:30
italian it goes to italy gets more italiano yeah first of all i know what i see on your
00:00:36
wrist shoulders what is that i know what it is it's a little something bro what is it a little something bobby doesn't
00:00:42
know about watching business bobby what is that fancy watch yeah how much money you're experiencing
00:00:47
it's more than your car well i see diamonds on it no diamonds no diamonds diamonds yeah but there's like
00:00:53
it's like it's like uh shiny it is shiny yeah what makes it shiny the silver yeah
00:00:59
let me ask you a question let me ask you a question what makes it shiny let me just silver
00:01:05
what makes it shiny let me say yes let me ask you questions about it right because i don't know much about it right
00:01:11
neither do i i'm a fraud all right so is it um stainless steel it's steel yeah it's a stainless steel because that's
00:01:17
the good stuff right no no they lo they want it to stain now all they do yeah stain steel all right everybody likes stained steel all right does it have a
00:01:23
does it do does it multi
00:01:39
does it is it waterproof yeah oh that's a very good one yeah does it do date obviously
00:01:44
you got to tell me your name again i'm rudy nice to meet you rudy jules yeah this is
00:01:50
andrew schultz wait your name is really rudy jules no it's joe's but you made it up but i made it up because rudy giuliani little jewels little jewels
00:01:57
queen in new york this is the king of new york you're meeting right here say god bless good to meet you good the king of new york dude it's king of [ __ ]
00:02:03
new york right there i want you to be really sure you're king of [ __ ] new york and you're not even what what did you say because she saw
00:02:09
you on twitter okay so she thought you'd he'd be short yeah cause i saw him on tick tock how tall are you i i have a
00:02:15
short uh upper body torso how tall are you charles six two so we're similar in height people will say to me when they
00:02:22
see me live oh i thought you'd be shorter because i think tall people don't look tall on are you all legs or
00:02:27
do you have torso i'm pretty luggy yeah me too dad's pretty like when we sit down we look small yeah look look at me
00:02:32
and i'm almost you know me and the marshmallows
00:02:40
we thought you'd be much taller yeah bobby we haven't spoken since since what since your whole thing since you're
00:02:46
free because you know because she is the niece she doesn't give a [ __ ] so we gotta we
00:02:52
gotta are you a spy yeah she's around she's a [ __ ] no i'm not you can't get away
00:02:59
but what's wrong with you you keep inviting them behind enemy i know dude get her out of here no i know i was
00:03:06
thinking maybe she shouldn't be here but don't think dude i know but think she's going 15 years to get out of that
00:03:12
relationship i know i know yeah but you know what this is his tactic what is it he keeps
00:03:17
the enemies close so so he can lose you don't know his plan
00:03:24
he doesn't want to lose some he wants to lose by the way huh so korean yeah just keep him up north like haven't been your
00:03:30
neighbors he lives downstairs they live upstairs it's really strong we live in the same
00:03:36
way are you guys still in that same place yeah in the same hill he plays yeah but she is also we sleep on the
00:03:41
same bed what this is but but it's a double it's pushed together they just separated no
00:03:47
it's not no we sleep on the same bed what i do is i have a long pillow yeah and i just put it between us yeah
00:03:53
yeah yeah what does that do oh a long pillow oh my god i thought you were saying like an asian sound yeah like
00:04:00
yeah long fellow like did i say wong pillow no i thought it was like long pillows i said long pillow i was spelling it l-u-o-n-g oh
00:04:07
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah from the makers of long pillows one pillow yeah yeah she really just is
00:04:14
here to judge right like he's just looking at you and making sure you're sad i mean i didn't think that we would talk
00:04:20
about it so you have something i mean he's almost free yeah do you know
00:04:26
what i mean but you guys still live in the same place why can't you guys be best friends imagine you guys would be best friends and you have your own
00:04:31
places and she can do her thing and you can do your thing she is gonna right is that the plan i think so you don't
00:04:40
don't know what's going on yeah you're part of the plan are you part of the plan
00:04:46
do you have she talked to you about it maybe oh
00:04:51
she only knows you can't smell arrests words you
00:05:02
she got more asian as time went on now on the show i think what it is can i be honest with you please i think she's she
00:05:08
thinks that you're cute mm-hmm just hear me out okay theory right yeah and she's listen
00:05:14
look at this and she's a little intimidated by you i think look at that right there no his
00:05:20
almost what he's what just say it he's a comic he can handle it his nose is too big his nose is too big that's true it's
00:05:27
cartoony yeah yeah that's true yeah it's just covers your whole face i
00:05:33
can't see your eyes yeah yeah wait a minute hold on a second you said it it covers my whole face you
00:05:38
can't see my eyes so you you like people with big eyes yeah i just want someone that has equal
00:05:46
don't say hearts proportions you guys are the biggest eyes yeah don't say you're into big eyes
00:05:54
you're into slightly less than white eyes and if we're looking at each other i
00:06:00
have much bigger eyes oh let me see rudy look at me with big wide big eyes go big guys shelters big
00:06:05
guys i mean i can i'm here and i'm bigger yeah it's a little better double yeah yeah i'm double big me rudy look at this yes
00:06:12
yeah no that's still him you still don't know you still chance yeah no don't be irritated like your face is like like
00:06:17
this like chill out like yeah get it get get out get her get her
00:06:22
no but like what's the this is fun i like this this is you can't have fun if there's someone in the corner like
00:06:28
yeah yeah that's her natural is it like are you like into the ick is that your thing no it's just my face i
00:06:35
don't know it's your voice too yeah it's the whole thing
00:06:40
it's the whole thing and it needs to [ __ ] stop why it's too much
00:06:47
like how long has she been in america what's the deal like three years she's been in america oh you're new she's new american brand new oh yeah she doesn't
00:06:53
know the rules she doesn't know the rules she doesn't know what it is do her face thing the american face
00:06:59
thing yeah yeah so everything is like bright yeah do the american face thing right but like even can you pause like that stay like that
00:07:05
i'm going to show you what you look like looking at me okay and then i want you to assess the comfort of the people that
00:07:11
see you because yeah yeah that'll be fun just look just like that okay
00:07:17
i'm i'm not what i'm going to do is go ready hold on okay
00:07:23
yeah okay so this is what i've been looking at since i got yeah yeah yeah right so i'm already
00:07:30
feeling like you're like but i'm not judging you you said the big donation even the
00:07:35
donation we're going to do everything i'm not joking it's like this i'm not judging you i'm
00:07:41
not judging you she can't do that she's
00:07:47
you're in america now everything's easy you just go like this you go like this you sit back you relax can you do your
00:07:53
like do your legs like you put your legs down put your legs down your legs that count can you cross your legs there you go
00:07:59
that's good that's good bring the mic a little bit closer look how you're smiling already right
00:08:05
now how do you feel about the juice
00:08:10
the noses [Music]
00:08:15
no i'm not yeah so it's fine to say your nose is big oh i love it very smart very smart it all
00:08:22
comes around i actually appreciate the honesty when you were in the bathroom he thought you were jewish he said you're not [ __ ] jewish no no he's
00:08:28
driving right yeah other side yeah probably they're probably jewish
00:08:35
maybe maybe you know my family moved to chicago what yeah nobody's in new york no no my family
00:08:42
moved from prussia to chicago precious russia now it's
00:08:47
germany right and precious russia yes that's where they make pressure stalls you know a little bit
00:08:54
and um and then from chicago to new york
00:08:59
so oh okay got it so back in the day there's some speculation you moved there and you're like oh might not be the best
00:09:05
to be jewish i'm catholic right is there a history we would have kicked you out it had our way with you
00:09:10
pal keep moving along bud is there a uncle or grandfather that was funny in your
00:09:16
family that you kind of take after i think my dad was funny what are you doing
00:09:23
and is there anything in your past anyone from your past that you that people remind you you know your family
00:09:29
members reminded them of i love you what the [ __ ] are you doing man even when you're asking questions it's
00:09:36
about you it's always it always goes right back to
00:09:41
him why because the way i did it yeah i'm trying to look at me look at me no because the way you did it is gonna make
00:09:46
me make fun of you for doing it and then you can be
00:10:02
i bought the house for her and her yeah is that wrong why is that
00:10:07
wrong no true true don't you think all right let me ask you something he would still he wouldn't be living he would appreciate that yeah you don't think
00:10:13
that she would appreciate that she would love her okay let me ask you something it's not like you guys did much decorating it you know what i mean like
00:10:19
it's not like she's she's you haven't been upstairs you don't know what the [ __ ] my house but i saw the
00:10:25
lego land in the in the bottom yeah yeah i don't need to go past that i saw it right yeah
00:10:31
you get the gist of it i got the gist of it yeah yeah yeah yeah i walked up the japanese game show to get to your [ __ ] house yeah right yeah
00:10:38
all you need to do is put vaseline on that driveway and have a bunch of [ __ ] japanese people try to make it
00:10:43
japanese again it's a japanese
00:10:55
you don't get you don't win unless you get hurt you have to get really really [ __ ] hurt isn't there one where they like jerk you off while you sing
00:11:01
wow yeah there's karaoke and they jerk you off one of the best ones i ever saw was they they had a
00:11:07
porta potty on the side of a ski hill so people and they just they were taking a [ __ ] they would just lift up the top and
00:11:12
everyone be like and then it would be on skis and they push them down the hill on [ __ ] [ __ ] all the way down the hill
00:11:18
they're the best it's unbelievable oh look at this game show has women jerking off men while they sing karaoke oh
00:11:23
that's great can we see asians love what happy ending karaoke
00:11:30
yeah they've mastered it that was the pitch by the way all right look at this guy's [ __ ]
00:11:36
face frame how awesome that is right so so he's got to finish the song before he finishes that's got to be the pitch
00:11:41
finish the song before she finishes you it's called oh my god what a great and that's on television yeah yeah oh that's
00:11:48
amazing the best the best this is the best let's just see yeah i'm sorry one of the girls wearing a mask though shout
00:11:54
out to her for really staying safe during this whole thing well that's from you know what it's for the
00:11:59
shots for the stuff the aaron shot yeah yeah if she knows what she's doing yeah let
00:12:05
me ask you guys something what do i if i i'm not interested in meeting anybody else but if i were to be somebody else
00:12:11
yes what do i need to do because would you and clyde ever role play as like neighbors oh we do
00:12:17
oh yeah like i'm gonna get you an airbnb for a little bit and like operate our lives and then like i'm like
00:12:22
a 16 year old kid and she's a camp counselor yeah and she's like this is your room and this is the log cabin
00:12:28
you're going to be in yeah i'm going oh really thank you mrs q and i you know yeah
00:12:33
i've never been to camp before and it's like she's like lay on your back i want to show you something right and i'm just like
00:12:40
i'm not tired i just got you this in the morning right and she's just basically get on your back so so i lay on my back
00:12:46
and she's like you know you've been a bad boy i just got here i just you know i've never been
00:12:56
and i'm like are you gonna tell me my my mommy or my dad she's not gonna tell your mom and she's like no no no and then when she
00:13:03
sticks it in when i stick it inside she's a great actress yeah and she looks
00:13:08
at me and she you like that and i'm pretty good you know what i mean all right i'm like i can't believe i'm doing
00:13:14
this right now yeah oh it's so good yeah what do you think i think it's disgusting
00:13:21
it's [ __ ] gross well you don't do role play not with not pretending to be a 16 year old camper well probably not 16 minutes
00:13:28
i was a 19 year old you know man but basically at camp yeah at camp it's still at yeah i was a counselor can i
00:13:35
just redo it for you yeah you're both counselors that's better yeah we're both all right all the kids went to bed
00:13:41
you're just [ __ ] in the woods is this better well now i can't share the other ones this makes more sense
00:13:47
yeah yeah yeah i can't show them no you could share the other ones uh you can what are the other ones
00:13:52
was they bet were they bad like that they're worse i can't even move you don't role play huh i like your wife by
00:13:57
the way no i don't roleplay but i like her thank you i met her in montreal do you remember yeah yeah she's a sweet
00:14:02
girl i remember she likes you she thinks you're very funny yeah but does she think i'm a good guy no no no
00:14:09
no she didn't think you did anything to be a good guy yeah yeah but you think i'm like all right she thought you were a funny guy funny guy what the funny guy
00:14:16
is yeah that's what you demonstrated yeah but you are a funny guy i'm a naturally funny guy are you going
00:14:21
to bring girls over i mean i just no i don't why are you pointing out
00:14:27
i'm going to be completely [ __ ] honest with you okay when you set up the mic for her every episode you're like why
00:14:33
yeah but you ever do that but it doesn't mean like two years of that two years but two years ago yeah yeah okay yeah it's good
00:14:40
she's small she's feeling a little bit better so i'm gonna tell you something right now she's my favorite and i'm going to tell you
00:14:45
this too andrew okay yeah all right and this is the and don't make a joke let me talk first and then
00:14:50
no then you do your little clever new york stylings of comedy
00:15:04
don't [ __ ] do that all right let's hear it and i've been around your kind before bro back in there geraldo and
00:15:09
norton all those [ __ ] bombs i've been around it dude you young generation you can't treat me like this here we go all right look at
00:15:16
me right now you bdi [ __ ] right you don't impress me by the way right
00:15:21
yeah you're one of the best guys and you're killing it this and that you'll never scare me this is not even close to as
00:15:28
intimidating you know what i'm about to say what yep when when you
00:15:34
walked up to me yeah and pulled out your penis when the
00:15:53
all right go ahead so let me just can i okay go ahead you told me not to interrupt you but when you stood up and started adjusting your
00:15:59
penis i actually got ptsd and i felt very intimidated you're traumatized not
00:16:05
trauma yeah yeah it's not trauma yeah trauma
00:16:10
you know yeah but it's back home yes right a lot of it
00:16:16
home yeah um but you came up and you were doing the
00:16:21
thing where you were like really whipping it oh yeah yeah and uh and it was it was it was an odd thing man i
00:16:27
know but what was the thing you were going to say when you stood up what's this whole [ __ ] charade you put on and then quick
00:16:33
i'm gonna do it we'll do it but i want to talk about the [ __ ] whipping of the dick no just do the thing already wait let's let's see the thing can we do
00:16:39
the thing no i can't do that because jewel's there doesn't know why i'm going to do the whipping of the dick just say what we're going to say [ __ ]
00:16:45
what was the thing you were going to do when you stood up and she you've seen it right are you old enough how old is she she's 14 years old she's fit
00:16:53
we went different careers we would give her directions 42 i went 15. no she's here she's 20. she's 20.
00:16:59
she'll be 21 she'll be 21. this this what november november right yeah okay
00:17:05
yeah okay good good good yeah so here's the deal both of you all right what's up so number one
00:17:11
i literally i honestly believe i'll never date another girl again oh shut the [ __ ] all
00:17:17
right go ahead that's what i'm talking about and that's not friendship i said i'll stop but you did it okay so do it again all right so
00:17:24
i i this is what i'm telling you my heart and my truth okay all right i honestly believe
00:17:30
i never wanted to i was i was thinking we were gonna you
00:17:35
just do it so asian you're like
00:17:40
another girl again you think we're not gonna make fun of this is the whole thing yeah come on but can we do this we'll do it once without do one i don't
00:17:47
know come on tell us shut the [ __ ] up man you spanish [ __ ] you [ __ ]
00:17:54
go you [ __ ] you man go go no i want to say this they're not fighting any more girls no i wanna i wanna i wanna give
00:18:01
you give give a second of honesty and authenticity okay yeah right without being mocked man you got it
00:18:08
okay i yeah
00:18:19
you're not allowed to make me laugh and then be upset that i'm laughing yeah but you're not allowed to [ __ ] you [ __ ] you
00:18:26
you're right this is great i feel like i'm [ __ ] in the middle of just the best little fire story yeah my bad all
00:18:31
right so finished you're never going to do that i honestly believe that i'm never going to date another girl again
00:18:36
i believe that too why is that a big [ __ ] deal nobody thinks you're dating again dude okay number two she put her
00:18:43
niece here tito bobby was just checking you're a girl
00:18:48
did you even try this right there what the [ __ ] just happened
00:18:54
to bobby was checking a girl out when we were in san diego who was the girl oh i'm sorry let's go my boy
00:19:00
who is the girl hello hello hello
00:19:06
hello who is the girl oh i'll tell you this andrew we wouldn't
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bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information and we thank bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast oh bobby it was a white girl who
00:21:42
had really big butt and fat tits no that's how you know you
00:21:48
you're doing it you were doing it you were doing it what nancy pelosi who was it was
00:21:53
this was it nancy pelosi she wasn't 80 no listen all right but
00:21:59
you like big [ __ ] [ __ ] that's not what it is yes you do you like fat tits bro and you like white
00:22:05
girls with fat asses yeah
00:22:25
like yup um yoga i like a tight yoga outfit what did you see and she was so
00:22:30
ugly and dumpy [ __ ] [ __ ] alliance [ __ ] breakfast yes you did no you're [ __ ]
00:22:37
you're smirking yeah you saw you saw what did you see i saw a
00:22:44
fat piece of [ __ ] jiggly jiggly tell us you're like you were checking that out and we had an argument about that go
00:22:49
[ __ ] yourself no then let me say something he looked like and did you look and she had super what does that even mean if i [ __ ] looked
00:22:56
yo listen you're a man bro that's right you could look at however many tits that's true that true that okay
00:23:02
yeah you're in a mall i know it's your [ __ ] world you're bobby lee you're probably
00:23:12
but it's so funny that you white dudes i'm not white but whatever you're both a town you italian
00:23:18
dudes yeah they're taller fairly good looking right very funny at your craft right i thought it was good
00:23:24
you [ __ ] podcast you said i look like gilbert you think it's easier it's easier for you to get women
00:23:32
than for me to get one yes that's the system we've developed
00:23:40
so you came here so you have to put up with that that's the sacrifice you make when your family brings you here it's a little harder to
00:23:46
get laid but there's food every day and a refrigerator right it's a little bit harder
00:23:52
there's food every day and there's a refrigerator that's just what it is it was funny but i want to fight you
00:23:59
it's funny yeah this is what your family worked for yeah okay so i'm here thank you for the food
00:24:05
thank you for the delicious food you're welcome and i love refrigerating my meats it's great sorry i appreciate it so much right but what i'm saying is is
00:24:12
that does it have to be that hard to get [ __ ] no it's for people you had a beautiful girlfriend for many
00:24:19
years i know right yeah that's smart beautiful what i'm saying is it is harder for me than you guys it is no
00:24:25
it's not do you get dms have you tried do you guys get dm's have you tried
00:24:30
have just girls that you don't know they just go send you breast pits kicks breast
00:24:37
picks yeah how big are they every variety you know what's crazy about you because i know you like a fat
00:24:43
white kid i do
00:24:51
dude and you're like a little kid around them aren't you oh i giggle kitty yes i do you want to shake that shake
00:24:58
i'm going to [ __ ] take you yeah yeah it's like you know jumping into the with
00:25:03
those little red yellow balls that little thing called the ball pit the ball the ball pit yeah i can't yeah i already said that i like it yeah hey
00:25:10
yeah the reason you're you're not getting dms is because everybody on earth knows that you're winning a relationship there you go now you're
00:25:16
going to get girls that are going to go hey i'd like to hang out with you what's going on bobby you're single they're going to be thrown at you like crazy
00:25:22
dude you're single now yes but people didn't hear me because they didn't think you were single
00:25:33
why would that be betrayal timeout
00:25:38
you don't want to [ __ ] not right now no you don't want to hang out nope you don't want to you want to go on a date
00:25:44
not even have sex you don't want to go talk to a girl i don't know why i don't know too fresh too fresh would
00:25:50
you do role play would you role play like what if she role played like she was kalila there you go she's very good kalila no no what if another woman might
00:25:56
be collecting they would have to be like they have to take my technique classes let's get them enrolled myself technique
00:26:02
glasses and really know how to add information so maybe some improv work from chicago fine right and somebody that really doesn't prank right because
00:26:09
i know when they're breaking who's okay who's your dream girl who's the girl that you're like it's unobtainable she's a famous person
00:26:15
everybody knows whose this is she's so hot i'm not gonna get her but it's a thing like a taller natalie portman natalie portman let's get her enrolled
00:26:21
she's a great actress but she could be a all right we'll stretch her out someone that looks like that but has that skills
00:26:27
into this acting this is this is your crush forever yeah but she's gonna be five inches taller i like taller girls
00:26:32
she's still taller than you [Laughter] nobody speaks english tell me
00:26:38
what are we trying to do what are we trying to say right two words cheap labor okay
00:26:45
she's not father we're in the same way his acting got stronger last time i was here he spoke better english
00:26:50
she tried to say something twice i gotta get i had no [ __ ] clothes spain mexico philippines we can't hire
00:26:56
americans in this [ __ ] you can't no we can't afford it it's so expensive now dude these guys work no insurance over
00:27:01
three and i'm five three so we're the same height somebody
00:27:09
and they have to have that kind of skill set where they can cry on cue yeah and memorize their lives why do they need to
00:27:15
cry because in the role play oh cause they need to cry during your role play yeah what are the role-playing scenes where you make them cry i don't want to
00:27:21
get into that now we're muddled we're in muddle territory okay maybe we could just talk about one of those
00:27:28
like one of those scenarios because that seemed like really well i'll give you i'll give you the beginning of the
00:27:33
scenario but i won't go there all right okay so i'm driving a car oh i already
00:27:38
know what this is what it's a it's it's it's a poop on me thing no it's not a football thing i'm driving
00:27:44
in a car oh yeah and i'm in the desert dressed driving down the street it's a piss on me oh there's a hitchhiker oh
00:27:49
right i pull over hit her by accident why is such a young lady hitchhiking
00:27:56
alone he loves the southern he loves this other night alone at night well little old me just got lost yeah you
00:28:02
need to where are you going maybe i can oh just going maybe to go check out um
00:28:08
one of these little bars up the road and go have a drink oh you'd like to see the city lights huh i love the city life
00:28:13
let's get in you know i'm going to the city lights as well my friend how do i know i can trust you you can trust me
00:28:18
look at this cross right another gigantic look at this cross is that a little dead
00:28:24
jesus on that cross jesus christ my lord and savior oh wow get in
00:28:29
maybe i don't want him get in wait wait wait my arms are broken and i
00:28:36
i dropped my couch down the desert can you help me put the couch back into the v how are you
00:28:41
driving with the water just get me with this couch man you're terrible
00:28:49
i dropped my couch in the desert the [ __ ] right but you have to back in with the cat with the cows yeah so wait
00:28:56
you go to wanting to [ __ ] this girl to help making her help you move well no but this situation is like you know you
00:29:02
choose to go the direction of you took a long time to get in the car because you have to [ __ ] work them up
00:29:07
too you're not just going to get in the car you're a stranger it might be a stranger yeah but it's like you have to understand it's a sexual like situation
00:29:14
all right well then andrew can you do it i don't want to do a lot of like go ahead and pick up shoulder right the
00:29:19
scenes the dialogue scene is too long yeah right so you had to get in the car oh here we
00:29:24
go him the eyes it was excellent it was accurate before you did the moving the couch thing i
00:29:30
thought you were both murdering it and i'm being a hundred percent honest i was sitting here and i was going like [ __ ] maybe there's a skill
00:29:37
literally i was like god these guys like yeah these guys are like really good at acting yeah yeah
00:29:43
see you just gotta you gotta get there you gotta get there a different way all right yeah why did you take that big jump like it was so realistic i know
00:29:49
because okay it was so realistic all right so in the the big city lights that's good that's funny let's go to the
00:29:55
cross then back to the garage yeah let's go back to the crowd i'm the director yeah i'm the director you are i'm the
00:30:01
director yeah okay okay and if you if you don't like where it's going you can say cut no thank you
00:30:24
uh well i don't know if you could tell but i have a gigantic golden cross i can
00:30:29
see that are you religious i am in fact which denomination
00:30:34
presbyterian really baptist which one those are two different ones well i belong to one atoco texas that's
00:30:42
a crossbreed we use both elements of the church wow anywho
00:30:48
i gotta go cause i gotta go to work oh and so i'm going toward the city lights
00:30:53
if you want to write you don't have to if you don't trust me but if you'd like to don't well you don't see mine you don't seem
00:30:59
trustworthy then you have a nice night lady and i hope you have a good night can i tell you something what the next time you try
00:31:06
to pick up a girl on the side of the road don't have your dick out your dick is out
00:31:12
my bad it is your bad my bad you know what can i tell you why are you putting it away
00:31:18
or what do you do i'm putting in a window i'll tell you why lady okay i'll tell you the reason why my penis was out
00:31:23
what is it because i have um an infection down there and that's why if you think there's anything sexual going
00:31:29
on here that would also be an impossibility because i have an infection and i have to air it out when i'm driving you seem to have lost your
00:31:35
accent what here i am what are you talking about
00:31:40
no it's because when i when i start talking about my genitalia right my ex you know i get so shy you
00:31:47
know so this infection what is it from it's a rash that i got when i was uh
00:31:52
fishing go on
00:31:59
you got a lot of splatters dude [Music]
00:32:06
well whatever it's it's a fly fish it's the funniest scene in the history of television yeah
00:32:11
it's not even close life bro the fact that you [ __ ] are how do they get the rash anyway
00:32:20
and then you're like well i don't really trust you he's like well well okay then i work in the morning i gotta go like
00:32:26
you're not even committed i am because i want her to feel because you want her to want it yeah
00:32:31
because after that she could go you know i mean she could go um oh well actually i will take a ride
00:32:39
psychology i was doing reverse psychology and i was thinking like maybe oh that's enough for her to go it didn't work out i was in the car didn't work on
00:32:45
this didn't work on this girl no no no you didn't work on this girl but you know what i mean yeah i
00:32:51
was really impressed how did you get that rash well when i catch a fish i unhook it and i
00:32:56
rub that thing on my dick for about 15 20 minutes that's how i descale it
00:33:02
how could you get a rash from fishing buddy fly fishing what does that even go ahead i don't know what it is where are you
00:33:07
how are you going to get there well i'll tell you how it's going to be the reason why i said that is i was watching a bunch of episodes of naked and afraid
00:33:13
love so which we've said to the producers him and i would do we've said something naked and afraid and i saw a
00:33:19
guy naked and i don't know why but they i connected the two but then i'm thinking wait why wouldn't they let you guys go
00:33:25
we've said it out loud we've emailed they won't get back it would be a five-minute episode which would be
00:33:30
hilarious yeah be one of the funniest in the world i want to do it so bad we want to get naked somewhere and be in the well they do it you know what they do
00:33:36
they do fan now like they use fans we're not fans and they do only 14 days
00:33:42
no we're doing 20 we're not going to do 21 days yes we have 48 hours three episodes and it will be the most
00:33:49
hilarious [ __ ] show yeah in the history and then what they do new york comics two new york comics two la comics
00:33:56
and we converge in day two we have to converge you know how they convert we have to do hang out you mean we have to like you and i survived for two days by
00:34:03
ourselves and then we a mile down they say you are going to meet the new york company who the new
00:34:08
york comics who would it be oh well i was thinking schultz and maybe just stefano that would be [ __ ] funny as [ __ ] or
00:34:14
or your indian friend akash your indian friend this guy your indian
00:34:19
friend i love him didn't you have him on the show yeah i love him what's his name akash akash
00:34:25
what sing okay i gotta give him some props he's good don't suck it like that he also texts me
00:34:32
like every day he's the best he's a sweetheart what he wants just to say what's up he always asks him i am how i'm feeling
00:34:38
what's going on and i've only met him a couple times but i really think he's a great guy he is [ __ ] good this guy
00:34:44
keeps good people around him no he really is good always yeah yeah amazing guy hilarious dude incredibly [ __ ]
00:34:49
loyal and not a bad bone in his body i mean that sincerely like there are a lot of people in this business and you know granted we're competitive we want
00:34:55
the best for ourselves etcetera but like the dude is the most genuine no he's a good
00:35:03
and you know what yeah i had him on when he had a special put out killed it and i'm gonna talk [ __ ] right now because
00:35:09
i'm jealous because you're [ __ ] special easy plug easy transition genuinely
00:35:14
though that was good i read it and you sold a lot of money
00:35:19
they did a [ __ ] they did a variety article about how much money you made on the first week on that [ __ ] thing do you know this they no i didn't know that
00:35:26
they did an article look it up it's a variety or one of these things that says you sold a million bucks worth of
00:35:32
[ __ ] special tickets in a week or something they just say things you know no yeah yeah when i talk to so i talk
00:35:39
i was like i was at the club i was at the club they used a photo from when i met you yeah bro the photos they used
00:35:45
for these articles unbelievable so long ago i don't know but i was at the improv and moment house
00:35:51
the president came up to me yeah yeah and he goes oh well you know the business we're doing at with anderson i don't know he opened that way and i'm
00:35:56
like yeah i know i know i get it you're right and i think that you're see you're
00:36:01
i can i say something we bought yours by the way guys did you really yeah you bought it all of
00:36:06
us watched it oh cool yeah yeah but i think fine you're right i
00:36:15
a direction for us to go i think that's the future the kid's been doing that for a long time that's nothing new
00:36:20
well look i i hope that um i hope it works it is working for you working let's say it works i think it's
00:36:27
a cool way where like if you have a community you guys have a community people [ __ ] with you you guys learn that with the moment house i mean yeah right
00:36:32
right i don't want to say your math but you know obviously i spoke to them and you guys [ __ ] killed it we did good
00:36:38
yeah and it's like because you guys have people who care about you listen to the show and they're down to support and you know if if you have a community like
00:36:44
that then i think maybe you can do something like this we're going to find out sunday but if you do
00:36:50
when we find out that's when it comes out sunday yeah it's just like what we did on moment house in in terms of you can pre-order so you
00:36:56
can do it before it's up so like this like click on the pre-order so you go to pre-order it right right and go ahead
00:37:02
down and and go ahead and buy it whosever computer this is is that ours whose is this it's mine
00:37:08
regardless so you go ahead pre-order buy it it signs you up and then you get it
00:37:13
you're you know you get in line to get the special when it drops just like kind of ours did except
00:37:19
this is his stand-up special live exclusive for this yeah exclusive for moment house and then they watch it for
00:37:26
what you can watch for how long we're gonna give it to them forever that's it forever yeah so i'll be right after like
00:37:31
the two weeks or whatever you can buy it for two weeks and then after that we'll just give them uh an unlisted link you don't have to buy it right now no would
00:37:37
you yeah don't buy now would you now after the two weeks is up right will you sell is there look at that he bought a
00:37:43
ticket right there live [ __ ] is there an ability to sell that special to a streaming service of some sort or not i
00:37:50
mean i own it so it's like i can do whatever i want with it my in my mind i just want as many people
00:37:56
to see as possible maybe having parts of it on youtube or maybe instagram or these different
00:38:01
things like because that's what sells the tickets has experienced that yeah yeah so it's like for me you have the freedom to do that
00:38:07
if you do a special with a traditional network they go okay you can put three minutes out we'll pick the minute so you
00:38:12
can put out like sometimes i see like the clips that they choose for for netflix for people's specials and i'm like
00:38:18
uh is it are you not concerned that they put this one minute out what i never understood about clip clip
00:38:23
clipping from a corporate level is sometimes they're clipping a setup
00:38:28
and that's it and you're like there's no punch i no payoff and it's like this is what's supposed to convince people yeah
00:38:34
go watch the special i don't get it this is this is the unique way to do something to give people a little
00:38:39
taste like you do because you know what rudy said rudy goes i know him i see him on tick tock a lot yeah
00:38:46
because you do right mm-hmm and the reason you're on tick-tock all the time and you see his clip and you watch the joke and you're like give him a pound
00:38:52
and you watch the joke and you go funny you liked it huh yeah see so that's what the reason why you're
00:38:57
doing this is because somebody wanted you to edit yeah they want me to cut a few jokes a
00:39:02
cut a few jokes and you wanted to mention it's see so everybody knows it was cecil so ceso wanted you to cut it out right
00:39:10
you know i mean a couple of jokes and um you just was it roku it was i think it
00:39:16
was really yeah and not too big did you consider it did
00:39:21
you consider it no no did you argue them no and then they
00:39:26
came back well then we can i wasn't like bully like here's the thing i don't have an issue with streamers like i have
00:39:31
stuff coming out on different streamers i just think like with stand-up for me
00:39:37
i i built a career off of stand-up like just putting my clips out online so i don't want to water it down the second
00:39:43
i'd put out like the big extravaganza yeah like why change the thing that's worked
00:39:48
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in los angeles they're efficient they have the best
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00:41:03
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over 200 thousand people shadyrate.com use that code bad friends you know it was interesting though like the thing that got the articles going it's like
00:42:35
it was i bought it back they liked that then there was like the censorship thing that was cool still nothing and then i
00:42:41
dropped the joke and i was like here's one of the jokes they wanted me to cut and it was one of these abortion bits yeah and it was the trifecta of like
00:42:46
abortion censorship buying it back and they're like oh that's a story yeah right because
00:42:53
abortions in the zeitgeist yeah and i was i really learned kind of how media works a bit from scenes oh yeah just see
00:42:59
how they click click click how how it does like the perfect triangle yes yeah yeah any negative backlash or no
00:43:06
i'm sure when a special comes out like people see it there'll be people who are upset at certain jokes and like it's natural yeah
00:43:13
look look when you do a special with a network you're doing it for like all the people who watch the network and some people just watch housewives some people
00:43:19
just watch the cartoons so like they might be upset about this when you put it out yourself you're just worried about your fans so they have an
00:43:25
expectation for the comedy last last night harlan williams went up on stage in the main one of the best comics i've seen uh
00:43:32
in years and years and i mean that wholeheartedly when he [ __ ] riffs he's on hilarious he's a bit
00:43:40
he was at a mall and there was a guy with a tricky on automatic tracking all right and he thought it was a dolphin and he does a dolphin noise with
00:43:47
the tricky anime you know i mean and he threw he bought some fish and she threw it in the air and the guy caught it with this tricky army or whatever it might
00:43:53
have been right yeah and a group of 25 women from the main room all got up and left oh wow asian women but one white
00:43:59
woman was crying oh really so i followed them out because i hate i want to know because asians kill the dolphins isn't
00:44:05
that your thing don't you like [ __ ] that's the japanese it's like and this is one crazy
00:44:10
cove yeah what is it called it's a murder cove or something no it's called the code it's called the cove and also
00:44:15
connects to say something yeah hey dolphins if you see a bloody cove don't swim into it yeah that's is their fault
00:44:21
yeah it's their fault they're out there and the one the woman's crying and i walk up and i go you know
00:44:27
like fake concerned why are you crying like that that's your fake concern yeah
00:44:33
[Laughter] yeah let me try that again yeah go ahead take it again take two
00:44:42
why are you crying are you is this the guy in the truck again you don't even know anyway why
00:44:48
is she goes that bastard i go who harlan the nicest guy on planet
00:44:55
earth yes like the sweet yeah sweetest guy yeah yeah my father had a tracheotomy yeah right
00:45:02
and he struggled for so many years right and i i'm like and
00:45:09
she goes he made fun of him i go it's a comedy club do not go back in there yeah because i was next yeah well
00:45:16
you do not yeah do not go back she's no but i understand comedy i understand it i did he went too far i
00:45:22
go then don't watch mine yeah that's bad is she if she thinks that's bad yeah yeah yeah of smoking because you're with
00:45:27
24 uh asian women and i talk about their [ __ ] color yeah he does oh dark yeah
00:45:34
wow dark yeah yeah dark right yeah but i just the sensitivity now of crowds
00:45:41
and it's rare i'll say it's still rare i think it's still rare it is i think more times than
00:45:47
not most people nine times out of ten at a comedy show are in for the wild ride
00:45:53
you're gonna get a few rogues because you're seeing your fans no no no no no no at the store at the store yeah
00:45:58
they're coming to hollywood or new york right and going wow we're about to see some edgy you know stuff right they
00:46:05
they're do they want to pretend that they're open right but if you sit this did the
00:46:10
same act in front of a random crowd in the midwest that didn't know who you are yeah right they would be offended not
00:46:17
the midwest no we did that for a year i did it for years yeah we built new york or l.a maybe but not the midwest what do
00:46:23
you mean the midwest like the midwest are less offended by things for sure i did i don't i don't know what you're saying
00:46:29
are you serious yeah i don't know you think that people in like san francisco i think are more easy going with jokes
00:46:36
but i think what you're saying i think i know what i think the argument that you're saying is this and
00:46:43
[Laughter] bro he always sets himself up yeah
00:46:48
he's just like look i know this is wrong i'm going to spend three more minutes talking about it no no no that's all
00:46:53
that's not what i'm doing all the time i still believe my point of view yeah but i've i've heard i know what the argument
00:46:58
is then give it to him your argument is is that liberalism creates this wokeness
00:47:04
and cancel culture right and they're more sensitive is that what you're saying is that your point of view not liberalism which is
00:47:10
like i believe religion and christianity ruins it i believe when you go to the midwest and
00:47:16
you talk about down syndrome or you talk about you can't see the our world like i've i've been on the midwest and have
00:47:22
religious people come up to me and go you said down syndrome my son had down syndrome so well then you shouldn't [ __ ] when you're on drugs and that just
00:47:28
that's why you're not like i get mean it really makes it i get really mean what is that what makes it what makes
00:47:34
what down syndrome no i'm just kidding i just that's my
00:47:41
yeah so your argument though is is that people in speak cities and liberal cities are more sensitive no big people
00:47:47
in big cities are more sensitive because you have to be you don't get to go to your house and just ignore everybody like you live on top next to and below
00:47:54
people so you have to be a little bit more considerate because in order for us all to function
00:48:00
we have to be considerate whereas when they go to a comedy club i feel like they you know i mean they know they're
00:48:05
more aware of their farm because liberty no they go like this oh my god what is that person feeling oh my god
00:48:11
my music's really loud could that be bothering somebody yeah right oh my god that person is she upset at that joke
00:48:17
and that's kind of the mentality whereas if you have a [ __ ] ranch in ohio it's like don't tread on me bro like well
00:48:23
yeah okay you have your own ranch yeah you don't yeah nobody's worried about you yeah i find those people to be bad
00:48:28
for me which one who's your audience the tread on bit that's around me i've had them
00:48:33
pick me up like after shows like in the south like big southern guy pick me up and go you're
00:48:39
the funniest chinese guy i've ever seen him don't pick me up right now i mean god damn it honey look at him maybe you are the funniest chinese you guys ever
00:48:45
seen but my point is is that and i've had the most people walk out you know i mean in texas or the midwest like he was
00:48:52
offensive he showed me his penis all this stuff it's against gods well do you show your penis
00:48:58
no because that could be an issue because they'll be like it's a comedy show
00:49:03
and then no i know it's my penis it is funny no it's terrifying
00:49:09
and that to this day is one of the scariest things i could do it now and you would laugh what makes you laugh was your fingers
00:49:15
your fingers get like rigamortis when you do it like you go like this i know yeah it's all a part of the character
00:49:21
dude yeah it's all a part of the deal what are you doing on your phone nothing you know your attitude
00:49:26
i can call you all right now dad okay the last dinner we had i had to pay for it you goddamn right you did yeah and i
00:49:31
spent over a thousand dollars yeah yes you did where did you guys go we took juicy to [ __ ] masters
00:49:36
because this guy said he leaves that he has oh i have a golf tournament every time it's a call from a golf tournament it was [ __ ] i would go to a show or
00:49:42
whatever yesterday it is [ __ ] 8 pm there's always something that he has to do and they're not always left with the [ __ ] bill timeout and i have proof
00:49:48
right here you said out of your [ __ ] mouth i'm going to are you getting aggressive i'm just asking don't [ __ ]
00:49:53
do that don't [ __ ] set me up i'm not fancy the innocent one fancy you're the proof
00:49:59
i want to play is that the innocent one did he not say he wanted to pay i said yes on the other show but now i'm
00:50:05
going to say no i think i think you just left the right timing for for bobby to pick up the bill you're fired i
00:50:11
love it you know what the [ __ ] fire dude what you you know before gaslighting thank you carlos [ __ ] gasoline i didn't
00:50:18
like your attitude but now dude you're back on the team and that's why you did that so you'd get back on your [ __ ] carlos you know that's right and i know
00:50:23
what you're doing dude look at me right now dude look at me all right so scum you're you're a piece of [ __ ] you're a
00:50:29
piece of [ __ ] you know what i'll call it jessica juicy that you said you wanted to pay i'm sorry andrew no no this is really i just
00:50:35
want to say that's right yeah yeah and this is the truth and i want to be and i hope this doesn't interfere with our friendship and our chemistry and our
00:50:41
show right but you really need to pay the next time because you're crossing a line
00:50:47
and i believe that you're let me tell you something right now i'm not don't talk no i'm i'm you're no you are done
00:50:52
let me tell you something right now you little [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] now let me tell you something i'd pay for the biggest dinner i paid for the
00:50:59
biggest dinner we've ever had which one you [ __ ] fat turd which one you [ __ ] fat piece of [ __ ] which one go
00:51:05
ahead and tell them fancy christmas oh remember our [ __ ] christmas dinner and you ordered [ __ ] five appetizers
00:51:11
in san diego where were we for christmas in mastros you fat [ __ ] you ordered the whole [ __ ] menu sifu
00:51:17
tower fat ass [ __ ] four tomahawks [ __ ] you shut the [ __ ] up you pay for
00:51:23
that you [ __ ] right i did i'm sorry then goddamn right that's all you have to say are we done no
00:51:29
that's all you have to say but you now everyone listening right now they see how [ __ ] crazy you are
00:51:44
time out are you ready yeah andrew special is available now
00:51:52
please go to moment house and watch it incredible dude that's crazy you can't tell an italian
00:51:58
he didn't offer to pay for dinner goddamn [ __ ] right you can't i mean it's a cultural thing by the way nobody lived
00:52:04
italy the way that you lived italy bro you you you guys were in time together after he left that's when i
00:52:11
showed up right when his vacation was done we went there oh so you never got to see each other no because he was also with his friends let me ask you guys
00:52:18
what's the best meal you had in italy i'm curious what is that big shout out to sotasale a
00:52:23
restaurant in favor a little island so what i did was we went to a group of island chains off of sicily but we went to a place
00:52:30
called sotosala and you know what one of those moments happened where it's a local spot it was a michelin or a [ __ ] whatever and
00:52:37
the cat who ran the place loved like the dude that i was with because he's like
00:52:42
this smooth british [ __ ] and this dude i mean dude showed us the rope
00:52:47
he's chilled with us all night was drinking wine with us all the other tables pissed pissed because they got no love they got
00:52:54
no love was he a fan of yours no he just he might the guy that i'm with is smooth he's a smooth [ __ ] and he knew
00:53:01
how to talk to him into getting us a good table and the guy was like i don't know i don't know how many people do you have and he did it so cool and was so
00:53:08
right to him and was like i'll have you know break off the staff yeah you know do the right thing so this dude loved us
00:53:13
and he just wanted to sit and chat and he was pouring wine breaking open cellar wine and [ __ ] your wife was there yeah
00:53:19
it was me us uh another couple and then one of his sons and his son's friend and
00:53:25
the meal was just unbelievable on but you could see other people like this like can we go why the [ __ ] are they
00:53:30
getting all of this [ __ ] we would get you know he'd come out he'd be like you know from the chef uh for just for you
00:53:36
and i was like you love that [ __ ] you love when it's just for you
00:53:42
yeah i'm like everyone else man i'll wait in line [ __ ] so sicily was crazy or what yo so
00:53:48
look i love sicily i love going to the islands we had a boat we had a catamaran we just went island hopping stayed on
00:53:54
the boat yeah but we'd stay in the marina right so you uh we dropped we dropped anchor like twice in a harbor
00:53:59
where there was no br where there was no waves but we'd stay in the marina you go into town get dinner drinks whatever
00:54:04
come back then the next day we'd boat out to another little bay swim all day [ __ ] off then go to another island
00:54:11
amazing but favanana man what a [ __ ] the only problem is people in the group not everybody is a huge seafood for
00:54:18
south of italy you gotta like see if you gotta like seafood that's yeah you if you're like a red sauce
00:54:24
meatball spaghetti guy you got to go up top yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but seafood galore i mean it was [ __ ] i had the
00:54:30
most fun i've had in a long time and i even facetimed bobby i see i'm still thinking about you even when i'm on vacation didn't i
00:54:36
never facetime yes i did i have proof of it right here open up my [ __ ] no you didn't pick up
00:54:41
okay so that that means you didn't no no i did right there look at it 7 45 7 5 22.
00:54:47
i mean for a second just to show it on there my point is this i didn't pick up so that's not no you never pick it you
00:54:52
can't use that and you're inconsiderate i check but my point is in terms of the godfather stuff did anything happen did you go
00:54:59
no i you didn't have time to go because i missed it because i was doing a thing for moment house with bad friends
00:55:05
okay i see what you're doing anyway no that's what literally what happened i see what you're doing how it was your attitude no no no no
00:55:12
and then also by the way right as we got there uh james condon james condod god bless you one of the best yeah all right
00:55:20
what what you got you better not say anything bad about santino santino that's the character oh yeah
00:55:25
connecting you into godfather yeah that's right yeah that's great i love dude i'm a huge
00:55:30
don't say anything bad what do you mean don't say anything bad elf godfather he was in bottle rock i'm friends with the
00:55:35
sun don't say anything rocket he was the [ __ ] he's the best dude anyway and i'm gonna say this right now and
00:55:41
this is gonna offend some people and that's okay but after we went to italy i went up to dublin spent a few
00:55:46
days in the other motherland for me and i got to tell you something i love ireland easy these are my people
00:55:54
these are [ __ ] my people yeah i had one of the best times i loved it so much i love ireland okay
00:56:00
a remount of the people to look like
00:56:05
i understand they might i understand have blood together
00:56:10
really a lot of the people they're looking like they might win when later yeah yeah like you'll see 50 of them
00:56:15
you're like this is a family reunion yeah yeah and they all look they kind of well look at them yeah i got a little nervous there was a
00:56:22
few times where i'm like these people aren't related these people look at that yeah because dude at the end of the day i'm not trying to [ __ ] on my people i'm
00:56:28
just trying to say it is an island but so is sicily and you don't get that vibe yeah but you know but sicily cicely
00:56:34
touches the boot it almost it's [ __ ] it's right and also like africa so it's like everybody's in it yeah because tunisia is right there yeah yeah yeah
00:56:40
yeah it says uh but ireland's is it out there way out there yeah and to get to another place to get another person it takes a lot of
00:56:46
time and when you're a sheep farmer and all that stuff and you know like your cousins have been on their own do they [ __ ] the sheep up there they do yeah
00:56:52
yeah they very much do my mom's from scotland it's a real thing but at least scotland can go down to england look at this the databases we [ __ ] the sheep 71
00:56:59
of all uh marriages in this period indicate a first cousin marriage rate of about one in seven hundred twenty okay see so one in seven hundred is weird
00:57:16
the figures for the republic island is approximately 91 of all marriages indicate a first cousin marriage rate of
00:57:21
about one in 625 so one in 600 people i'm going to see uh yeah that's tough
00:57:27
it's an island yeah it's an island look at australia they're all the same yeah
00:57:32
they're all the [ __ ] sound they're all [ __ ] they have no chin no chance i saw a couple of guys at the inbox
00:57:38
buggy eye and you're like wow there's something going on huh
00:57:45
oh look at this what company which country has the highest in breed data data and inbreeding several contemporary human populations are compared to
00:57:50
showing the highest local raising brazil japan india and israel brazil is number one
00:57:56
brazil's [ __ ] it's massive it's so big yeah yeah yeah are you [ __ ] your family it's so big and the martial arts
00:58:03
is break dancing so maybe that's something yeah yeah yeah when they're when
00:58:12
like india's two billion people they can't stop [ __ ] that's why they're [ __ ] their cousins these people are [ __ ] everything
00:58:19
no no no no no new people there no new people yeah but my point is they're so brilliant and smart what does that have to do with
00:58:25
anything what do you mean but you think inbreeding you would think through generations that they'd be just a dumber people no i don't think that happens
00:58:31
necessarily yeah oh you're saying that inbreeding that doesn't affect intelligence or anything i don't think
00:58:36
so i think so if a brother and sister i mean cousins one thing but you think
00:58:41
but i've seen in cases in the south where brothers and sisters have a baby and they come out a little bit you know
00:58:46
like you know okay kind of like you know i need to save myself a little bit i love ireland
00:58:52
yeah i'm not saying everybody there is an inbred no but you're saying they look ugly i'm just right like that's kind of what you're
00:58:57
saying you know what i'm saying no i'm saying a lot of people look alike and look at the sexual relations and cohabitation and prohibited is
00:59:03
approximately two point two percent of all marriage in the united states are between second cousins so hey we're no we're not good either
00:59:09
all right that means that there are about 250 000 americans that are in relationships with their cousins yeah a quarter of a
00:59:15
million people white chicks have to just [ __ ] asians and stuff i mean if you're old if you're like listen if you're a
00:59:21
white girl out there right and you're like i like white dudes only right yeah think about it right it could be your cousin yeah right so go black or mexican
00:59:29
it's like the author what do you think if you made love to a 50 year old old
00:59:35
korean man just a little chubby 51. almost 51 yeah yeah right think about it
00:59:40
like this though in the order of white girls who want to [ __ ] outside of white men yeah where do you think you
00:59:46
are on the list don't be rude no no i'm asking i think you're being rude i'm not yeah it's a question i posed a question
00:59:52
let me ask andrew this what do you think we are what did you just say
01:00:08
if a white girl is like i don't want to have sex with white dudes they're [ __ ] gross and they're going to some other category of men right where are
01:00:13
you i'm koreans or you think you specifically uh you're not like
01:00:18
you're not [ __ ] shang chi you're not that guy there's like in terms of asians
01:00:23
you're not shane you're not uh the really rich asian guy who's [ __ ] a piece yeah he's a he's a sign
01:00:30
you know what i mean you know that guy but you're but you're sexy but seriously
01:00:36
you're just be real i want you to be real i'm gonna [ __ ] how real can i get that is holy listen he's he's pretty
01:00:42
handsome the other guy is ridiculous the pretty rich asians is [ __ ] gorgeous yeah yeah you know um crazy rich asians
01:00:49
crazy rich asians jimmy yo yang he's talking about
01:01:07
hold on when he gets up when he stands up he can do gangnam style
01:01:12
you're above psy you're above side every squid game you're above every single thing thank
01:01:18
you you're about whatever else what else this is i like this direction um you're below jeremy lin 100
01:01:25
you're you're above yao ming yes okay that's good i think because yao ming is just odd-looking right yeah
01:01:32
she's just dude and not the odd looking part let's move on
01:01:44
but his money but ken's money is thicker ken's money might be thicker it is thicker no now here's the thing below
01:01:50
ronnie chang oh yeah ronnie's a piece he's a piece bud ronnie's a piece
01:01:55
jimmy oyang you're above jimmy oh yeah i don't know i think that's a i don't know man no you're above jimmy oh yeah i gotta be
01:02:01
honest with you it might be a tie that's that hurts that's true jimmy's a
01:02:08
good looking kid i know but you know what being 51 almost and he's younger much younger much and he's got a very
01:02:14
beautiful girlfriend so i'm gonna take that i'll be even oh if you match for age like if you brought your age down
01:02:20
like forget it oh yeah oh yeah i killed it i killed it yeah i killed it okay but that's not what's happening right now yeah yeah who else is there what are
01:02:26
other asian well there are ones that are obvious that they're above daniel they came obviously ali wong
01:02:32
she's a girl i still what who cares yeah yeah yeah you're you're you're above her i'm good good thank you thank you you're
01:02:38
both alex you can't think of it no chance yeah you're you're a hotter guy randall parker randall parker
01:02:44
randall parks above me way above not way no way randall parking you
01:02:49
he's way up you think that's way above he's look at his jawline he's tall he looks like john leguizamo he does yeah
01:02:56
and he's actually good john link was up now jonathan was almost handsome he's handsome sexy guy yeah nah randall's hot
01:03:01
dude no randall's good five five nine he's [ __ ] he's huge he's towering gigantic who's funnier
01:03:08
i mean come on randall park whoa do you really believe that
01:03:14
what are you talking
01:03:28
i think alive right now period name a funnier asian don't kill kim jong-un dude is hilarious dude very funny dude
01:03:37
it's funny things i like kim jong-un don't watch your special don't watch a special
01:03:53
holy [ __ ] dude what did he say to the barber when he when he was like what kind of hair do you alright sword you know
01:03:59
so you know you watch three stooges yeah you watch three strings yeah i was
01:04:05
three surgeons well i want a combo between the two
01:04:13
[Laughter]
01:04:25
how about the tears right and he's like
01:04:31
he's got look at that one he's lost he's kind of got a flat top on that he could yeah he lost weight recently yeah
01:04:38
yeah wait let's see how much you wait for the right oh wow is that photoshopped or not that's photoshop
01:04:45
that's an instagram filter he didn't lose anywhere yeah maybe okay he looks much thinner i'm the barber for that so i'm the and
01:04:51
you're the guy you be kim jong-un no you be kidding me no no what you do i love when you do it you're a good asian actor
01:04:57
i love your hair good asian accent good morning supreme leader kim hello
01:05:04
wow you so you didn't like more and larry
01:05:09
no i haven't seen a new movie called do the right thing
01:05:17
this hair black people have
01:05:27
that's hilarious this is like an 80s [ __ ] fro cut yeah yeah this is 100 this is a spikey
01:05:32
joint yeah yeah this is a spikey joint totally huh say go to momenthouse.com go to momenthops.com
01:05:39
put andrew schultz in this google school he's on the main [ __ ] page he's on the main street and honestly see that because i honestly
01:05:45
um and i hate this i hate to blow [ __ ] wind up your ding dong but um when i saw you at montreal and we did
01:05:52
that show together right i when i saw you the first night because i didn't know who the [ __ ] you were
01:05:57
right i literally didn't and i go oh watch this guy i sat there and i just realized i go oh no this guy
01:06:03
is pure funny like comedy [ __ ] comedy and you
01:06:08
know what i love about him is he takes a point of view that's the opposing opposite
01:06:15
and he makes it he proves the point yeah you know you could you yeah i know you can you you
01:06:20
can take the opposing offer but your most comics they fail but this guy
01:06:26
pulls it off and that's so it's the craftsmanship craftsmanship of it very good i'll let
01:06:32
you get it out i didn't step on it thank you thank you so much yeah anyway watch andrew schultz's moment house special
01:06:38
thank you and um fancy has a movie that he produced called american carnage
01:06:43
i'm gonna watch it what is it on youtube it's from every vod platform and then
01:06:48
the movie theater everywhere vod but also by the way tell him it's filled with like very good actors jenna ortega is [ __ ] huge do
01:06:55
you know who that is yes [ __ ] huge and george lindbergh jr who i know who yeah i know it looks like a great movie
01:07:02
and well isn't that the one with is what's his name in there um eric dane eric david dane i'm friends with eric
01:07:07
all right look at this yeah yeah so go watch american carnage after you i'm not i'm going to be honest with you
01:07:13
go to moment house and buy andrew shultz especially and watch it you're going to love it and watch america got a couple of bucks laying around yeah and then in
01:07:20
your next paycheck yeah then go watch this on vod go watch american carnegie support the fancy because we love them
01:07:25
very much love you dog love you thank you babe thank you so much for being a bad friend
01:07:31
dude thank you guys for having me thank you man thank you [Music]
01:07:43
yes [Music]
01:07:58
bye
