00:00:00
hey bad friends i'm on tour go to andrew santino.com for tickets i'm all over the
00:00:06
u.s i'm doing uh san francisco and boston and seattle and portland and atlanta and i'm
00:00:12
everywhere so go to andersontino.com for tickets andrewsantino.com for those tickets also
00:00:17
bad friends fans 20 off the entire site for merch for merch this week from the
00:00:25
23rd to the 29th go to badfriendsmerch.com
00:00:41
[Music] you two or something we're bad friends look at that who wrote that that's
00:00:48
that's uh prince that's prince pd prince pd ppd yeah and
00:00:53
that's king fans yeah who did that fancy
00:00:59
fan look at this congratulations fancy b has 35 000 followers and what does joe or
00:01:05
george have and what does george have 20 whoa 29 oh
00:01:11
he went back up he did he was down to 18. yeah i think we're doing it a disservice
00:01:19
uh i think by promoting it because there's always going to be people feel bad it's like this yeah it's like when
00:01:25
you look at like people there's like people buy really bad music
00:01:31
yeah right yeah because their tastes are bad like pete what would pete buy at the store he's at the record store hi i'm
00:01:37
i'm the guy at the record store yeah hey man what's up what uh what were you looking for album-wise uh
00:01:43
do you oh are you pete from bad friends yeah dude oh dope i am what kind of
00:01:49
music can i uh uh uh i don't know how to pronounce it so i'm just going to have to i wrote down
00:01:55
sound it out yuan yon yani yani yani what we yeah we have yani
00:02:02
you do yeah of course and he works here yeah he comes out he's like what's up
00:02:07
buddy you're liking my music yeah i don't know why he's from transylvania uh jules
00:02:14
yes yeah she just woke up too the amount of the amount of love i got in denver for
00:02:20
jules was crazy really and thank you for answering that i loved it so much crazy comedy will love that room they're
00:02:25
finally back it was the second week maron was before and they're finding their sea legs and all that stuff and they were just like dude so happy to be
00:02:31
back what are you doing just walking through the [ __ ] here you know what i said do a christian bail
00:02:40
that's what that's what that's like oh good for you fix the camera
00:02:45
[Laughter] how can i work like this under these conditions
00:02:51
so everyone asked about rudy and i broke them the bad news that you are actually going away to college to
00:02:57
university of new mexico should we tell the fans now yeah you're she's going to university
00:03:02
what you don't want me to share it no it's fine well so you're going to university of new mexico and we're losing you in how many weeks now two
00:03:08
weeks two weeks she's gone yeah she's gone dang and we're not gonna have a replacement i don't think we should yeah we're not gonna have one who could
00:03:14
replace you uh i don't know yeah it's a rhetorical question but yeah yeah that is fine that
00:03:20
i don't know i don't know who could replace you let's think about that re in the real and someone that we
00:03:27
know who could replace it that we know well it's gonna be um somebody brown who do we know
00:03:33
nobody really we don't really know i know anybody no no one can replace you we gotta get why does it have to be that
00:03:40
what why do we have to replace her with a another brown girl yeah brown girl i just feel like it's you know
00:03:47
that's like brown girl corner would have like a fat white girl with a patch in her eye if you can find it i'll take it
00:03:54
do you have a fat white girl in mine with it it has tourette's or something like a patch tourette's i like it yeah i mean i tried i tried to
00:04:00
watch i tried to watch motherless brooklyn on the plane did you watch that no what is that did you see that andres
00:04:05
i did motherless brooklyn was with um sam rockwell sam rockwell edward edward
00:04:10
norton what's the difference yeah um uh edward norton and he's got it's in the 1950s and they're gangsters oh i saw
00:04:16
that being like uh behind the scenes and he's got that he's got a tick he's he's like
00:04:22
you know he does the yeah yeah do the autistic tick do it or whatever yeah do the tick
00:04:35
and it was terrible how bad was that movie andre pretty bad one of the worst i've ever seen really by the way bruce bruce willis is such a hard ass like
00:04:43
lovable hard ass that we've loved for years and years yeah in this movie you don't buy it yeah he's he's phoned it in
00:04:49
i feel like dude he looks like a guy that like whatever is in front of him yeah he'll go all
00:04:55
right fine what's the money how much how much i'll do it i'll do it yeah that's like i just saw pat and oswalt was doing
00:05:02
uh what was he doing i love him please don't no i'm not saying bad but he just threw me for a loop he's doing like a sports betting
00:05:09
commercial and i was like what yeah that guy's never picked up a bat
00:05:14
or a deputy don't be rude no what because babe ruth was fat i didn't have anything to do with his
00:05:20
weight i just mean like his athletic prowess seems yeah yeah babe ruth doesn't seem athletic sure he does he looks like a baker
00:05:27
what kind of baker though like croissants or like scones no no like an old school like back in the date
00:05:34
no look at him he was that does not look like a baseball player look at how he's sliding i know he's like
00:05:41
bread that's what they promised him his contract was bread he would get a loaf for every home run he hit yeah yeah how
00:05:47
many loaves did he get then no he was actually that was kind of wow look at the face look his face looks
00:05:52
like a baseball mitt i mean jesus i mean honestly does that look like one of the greatest baseball
00:05:58
players of all time yeah no is he he well he's one of the best hitters of all time yeah i mean he's
00:06:05
legendary in the top five of all time yeah babe rude yeah ted williams i mean yes strawberry daryl strawberry
00:06:12
no daryl strawberry i mean he's the best at doing cocaine and playing baseball but i'm just trying to think of all the baseball brothers i know let's name all
00:06:18
the baseball players all right all right here we go rodriguez which one
00:06:23
there is one right well which one though do i get like 18 of them it's such an 18 they're such an easy rodriguez who's the
00:06:30
most famous rodriguez you know rodrigo rodriguez alex rodriguez a-rod a-rod okay that's
00:06:36
the one with the jennifer lopez that's the one we used to have now
00:06:41
okay so we've got a rod we've got um little manny manny
00:06:46
another mexican last name manny yes
00:06:52
trumpet okay and he played for the please don't come on souffald the shuffle
00:06:58
idaho the idahos oh the shoe falls
00:07:04
there he is yeah yeah manny trumpet baseball player but pete's on it today and then you have um
00:07:12
come on what else do you have come on gene robinson gene robinson
00:07:18
is it robin robinson robinson is there robinson though caruso no no no is there a big
00:07:25
robinson stop don't look at don't don't look at ppp don't show them robinson is his last name he was a black
00:07:31
guy what was his name he played the dodgers jack robert what no i'll be real though yeah you're
00:07:36
right there jack robinson but girly version jackie robinson jackie robins robinson rob robinson jackie jackie
00:07:43
robinson jackie robinson right okay this is really good no what can you name any professional
00:07:49
baseball players no okay good thanks for trying it's not
00:07:55
it's not it's like bring anything connor conor mcgregor
00:08:00
conor mcgregor conor mcgregor yeah he's the ufc fighter yeah yeah yeah very
00:08:07
good knock you out play baseball no no but the only sport that i know is i know a lot of soccer
00:08:13
football football i know about i can name probably 300. okay so so for me soccer is the only sport i don't know
00:08:19
play i could name five i could name 300 400. maradona that's very good um
00:08:26
and then the easy ones like what country did he play for what what in his net nation maradona
00:08:32
espana no um shut up vance
00:08:37
maradona was it south america yeah it was he brought hill no no portugal no
00:08:44
that's not argentina yes yeah sorry tina yeah blue blue i didn't know blue okay
00:08:50
i didn't know blue the blue stripes i do know that jersey okay okay um obviously pele even though
00:08:55
he's gone but still pele comes to life nobody's not into playing anymore you still playing very good
00:09:02
yeah and then my very own my very own alexei lalas alexi lawless love alexa okay that's a
00:09:08
very good one i thought he was so cool when i was a kid what else well then there's beckham is easy yeah
00:09:14
then there's like um uh wayne rooney good one england i know him he was great great and then i know
00:09:22
like um then they don't you know 10 probably then because there's so many big ones that you're missing out on but those
00:09:27
guys but i don't know like okay look there's a guy nolan nolan aronado uh-huh you don't know who that
00:09:33
is no right like you could name me ten soccer players like that that i would never no like ryan giggs never heard one of
00:09:40
the greatest soccer players yes that's what i mean nolan is from wales um yeah um there's uh freddie youngberg
00:09:47
one of the best that sounds fake it's not he was also you would [ __ ] him let me freddie youngberg let me see if i'd
00:09:53
bone him yeah yeah my tastes have gotten better with athletes oh i can name you some soccer players that you would [ __ ] name freddy youngberg model freddy
00:10:00
youngberg model [Music] right there no that's not him youngberg
00:10:06
he can there it is did you mean go just click on did you mean bud no
00:10:12
is he a the black guy for england no man just you're spelling it wrong just do soccer
00:10:18
freddie youngberg soccer yeah soccer will help you out a little bit pete
00:10:24
is that him no go up to yeah i mean you could yeah one of them is like we
00:10:30
oh yeah him oh young oh yeah
00:10:36
no no that's him playing though that's him he's sweating he's in the middle of the [ __ ] final that's like put freddy youngberg
00:10:43
model i find them the most attractive when they're not yes i do model
00:10:49
is he cute jules no no see no he's not there we go now go to the third like no
00:10:54
oh no look at the tattoo zoom in it's a panther i know but look at the line between his pelvis there that line what
00:11:00
do you call that line [ __ ] utters yeah the [ __ ] gutter i would stick my tongue and just go right down to the [ __ ]
00:11:06
channel you would yeah i channel and go right to the [ __ ] and you go yeah yeah
00:11:11
my mouth mouth train coming in hot water hot he's hot all right
00:11:17
um you know who who's hot now as an older man eric cantona cantona you know
00:11:24
yeah what about ronaldo hot ronaldinho not hot not hot [ __ ] up teeth who's
00:11:31
the ugliest in the soccer player oh dude you got to look at this so this is the best one who is it so there was a coach
00:11:37
manager named david moyes okay and um david moyes right yeah used to
00:11:43
play soccer yeah as a younger man yeah look up david moya's soccer young as
00:11:50
young young good there no when he was young okay go do it
00:11:55
go to go ahead and say it go ahead go ahead and say it go ahead and say it rudy go ahead rudy
00:12:02
say it it looks like you yeah yeah yeah yeah it does go to the second one right go to the second one right that one
00:12:08
i mean look at how bad he looks look at his teeth fixed yeah but that's the original one i think
00:12:14
well how about the fourth one in go four in up yeah look is that him again he looks all right there not bad yeah i
00:12:20
guess he got old or looked better but and then and then go down two pictures down straight down yeah he looks fine there it's like it
00:12:27
worked out for some reason yeah sometimes it does that life wow yeah yeah i mean i got better looking as i got older
00:12:34
there was a kid in school where he made me blow him he'll be right back
00:12:43
what did you what do you mean no i don't know what you mean and uh let's just put it just say that he made
00:12:49
you kiss his pee pee maybe yeah okay okay
00:12:54
but then later in life he didn't look so good you think your peepee made him bad
00:13:01
maybe yeah maybe i have like that effect i know kalila has been looking a little bit rougher lately
00:13:07
can you imagine after you have sex with someone they just become this like decrepit yeah
00:13:14
maybe but maybe i but then like realized like later i've looked him up and he looks not as good why'd you look him up
00:13:21
did you want to back out oh really maybe he made you have sex with him
00:13:26
i didn't did i say i had sex with him let's just move on now let's stick in
00:13:32
let's move on man well you could file a lawsuit i've seen this come have you seen the commercial that's been playing where they're like
00:13:37
it's so uh it's so weird it's like we're fighting for justice i don't know what law firm it is but it's like fighting for justice respect and something else
00:13:45
and it goes were you sexually assaulted as a youth and it goes by the following organizations and it's like the catholic
00:13:51
church boy scouts of america yeah they name like the biggest perpetrators
00:13:57
of this whole gigantic class action action lawsuit but they'll never really get them they won't can you
00:14:02
move them around they shift them around yeah they should they just keep like like little chess pieces yeah they keep
00:14:08
moving them around we have by the way side get off of this topic i got a gift we got a gift yeah yeah we got a gift
00:14:14
from the bobby lee's the band the bobby lee's our friends great you remember these guys yeah i loved them so by the
00:14:20
way not only do we have a gift from the bobby lee's we have another band you know how i reached out to you know
00:14:26
how we talked about the lollapalooza in chicago yeah okay we named a bunch of artists and one of them that we named we
00:14:31
tried to give a boost to was do you remember his very last guy we named his song what was his name i forgot his name take a guess i don't remember well yeah
00:14:37
but that's the project jack what is it what's his name jack what fancy jake doobie jake jack dooby jake jake doobie
00:14:45
so jake dooby has been killing it since we talked about him oh yeah and he wants to talk
00:14:51
to us he does presumably to say thank you i'm sure he's gotten a bunch of streams yeah
00:14:57
yeah so we're going to call jake dube in a minute all right but this says bobby and andrew bad friends thank you so much for having us on your show we're playing
00:15:03
l-sit in la if you guys are around let us know we'll put you on the list sam mackie nick and kendall awesome so look
00:15:09
what they gave us awesome they gave us um sweater let me see let me see that's really cool that's
00:15:14
a cool looking sweater oh dude and they gave us and they gave us records here look at this
00:15:20
the bobby lee's we both got a record you don't get a record because you don't have a record player yeah and also you don't deserve one to be honest this is
00:15:26
girth circles that's a magazine they gave us awesome anyway cool stuff in here very cool stuff shirts
00:15:32
you want a shirt rudy yeah great and there's a hoodie for me
00:15:37
and there's some other shirts anyway we'll look at all the shirts but thank you to the bobby lee let's give a shout out one more time to the bob
00:15:43
please go see them they'll be here in l.a you'll see the bobby lee's we'd love to support i've been watching can i just tell you what i've been watching though
00:15:48
i watched oh man i've got so much watching stuff to tell you it's interesting no you tell me first
00:15:54
well i've never seen forensic fires never seen forensic files
00:16:00
ever no i used to watch this show called autopsy on hbo but i've seen all of them never heard of
00:16:05
that it was one of the original ones but way before our forensic files okay autopsy was great well what's the
00:16:11
original original i think autopsy was the original 60 minutes has to be the original of this kind of stuff look up hbo autopsy
00:16:20
autopsy was great but what did you just saw you just watched forensic file i just yeah and the autopsy is brutal
00:16:25
because autopsy this guy right here this show this dude right here they show they show
00:16:30
[ __ ] like they show the box they really bought yeah the real boss yeah yeah if i could i need it i need
00:16:39
and this guy looks creepy himself yeah they always get a guy who looks creepy but doctor
00:16:45
i think his name is not biden dr dr biden that's joe biden not just you by the doctor um
00:16:51
oh what's his name anyway but you mean they have one in um autopsy
00:16:56
where they were in a like a there was a fair uh like a county fair like a county fair
00:17:02
in like upstate new york or whatever sure and this happened in the 60s and there was like a ride where you get on
00:17:08
the ride right and it was a scary ride and there was like a mummy that went uh
00:17:14
you know you know is that the mommy yeah do you remember the movie in uh the the the matterhorn oh yeah how unscary
00:17:21
that is it was like it wasn't freaky at all yeah well it was [ __ ] it was always kind of broken it
00:17:28
was like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you flicked that guy off yeah but there was one where that so the mum was and then
00:17:33
it was actually a dead person in the mummy what yeah yeah they put a dead guy in there somehow there was a dead guy in
00:17:40
there wow yeah so with that if you know that's pretty scary that's what's scary that's scary that was scary you see his
00:17:45
eye fall out or something yeah but in in forensic fire files i i was thinking to myself
00:17:52
with the with dna testing and all that stuff yeah the new technology do you think that you and i could create a
00:17:58
murder and get away with it today yeah impossible i think we could you do yes how could we do it
00:18:05
let's see if we let's try to kill okay let's say we kill jules no no we're not jewel that's she's a girl
00:18:10
we have to kill fancy beasts
00:18:20
no so we kill fans obviously oh we call forgive fans but how do we do it but here's the problem he's not he's got a
00:18:25
what he's not single so it's tough so there's something traceable there you have to kill a single guy okay pete's not single either damn it we gotta kill
00:18:32
someone we know that's single because they gotta be alone see that's her oh you wanna die well we
00:18:37
have to kill someone that's like kind of yeah we can't kill a girl though why not in the scenario we could maybe
00:18:44
yeah in this scenario we could kill jules yeah but i have i don't want to kill her she cleans she's the killer she cleans
00:18:51
my kitchen all right yeah that's right he does all the all right let's let's just say we kill fans
00:18:57
oh let's go fans okay so we're gonna kill fancy bee because he doesn't have kids though no no kids well the [ __ ] it
00:19:02
yeah we'll kill him yeah yeah but his wife is cool so we gotta get her on our team first no that's not how you do it do we kill
00:19:08
her we don't even know we don't get in touch with her at all oh okay there's no we it's true we can't trace
00:19:15
ourselves okay so how would you plan on killing them let's think um my instinct is
00:19:22
something what does spaniards hate yeah like what do they hate mexicans
00:19:28
so we take him down to mexico he's coming we're doing we're doing check it out he's going down for your birthday party we're gonna go to mexico
00:19:35
no no we don't do that we don't do that we do because that
00:19:41
this is what we do we go we're doing a remote piece for mad tv and i'm at tv for bad friends right on
00:19:49
same show i just woke up sorry yeah me too all right so so so we're doing we're doing a piece we're doing a bad scratch
00:19:55
a sketch right right so before we go there though we go down to tijuana beforehand right scope it out
00:20:03
no we got to get somebody to kill them oh there's so many people down there that would kill right so we could come down with cash but we can't pull out is
00:20:10
there any way you and i could pull out cash without anyone knowing that we'll pull out cash
00:20:15
her money all right that's money that's money there's money laying around right
00:20:20
there's layman so she's got some cash saved up yeah yeah okay and i have the guy in mexico i know who it is one of the
00:20:26
little chicklets kids that sells their guys he's not going to do it how do you know can he do it because we're going to give you 100 tonight
00:20:33
cyanide of the chicklets there it is oh mr mister
00:20:38
right and fancy's like oh does my breath smell and we're like yeah yeah that smells it do you pack do you pack the
00:20:44
chiclets with cyanide every single piece of gum has signed up but then we might kill other people oh big deal
00:20:49
anybody what if he sells it to a you know i mean dude who a family mom or something big deal she's got to go all right
00:20:55
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code bad friends all right so look we got we tell we tell fans hey man we got to go down and shoot a sketch okay are
00:23:40
you coming down fans of course see he's coming and i go we don't need sound or a crew it's just us through we'll just do
00:23:45
a gunk gorilla stuff one two three one two three and you have to be on the camera yeah and you're going to just go
00:23:51
down with us you are you into that fancy i'm so excited he's so excited he's so excited all right so we take him down to tijuana right and then it can't be like
00:23:59
it can't be in like tijuana's packed slammed it really is all the time all
00:24:04
the time right so we have to go to like lafonda beach okay we'll go to la fonda beach all
00:24:10
right kind of desolate a little desolate it's got to be a beach let's do a sketch on the beach on the beach right yeah
00:24:15
yeah yeah we have the kid there right and chicklet chiclet for sale
00:24:21
for sale and i i'm gonna go we don't have any money on us of course not we already gave the money kid five
00:24:27
grand yeah five grand yeah real murder too much
00:24:36
i refuse it's principle give a hundred bucks all right hundred hundred bucks
00:24:42
a hundred dollars for 100 bucks yeah we got to give him more to help us get rid of the body so 100 to start no we don't
00:24:48
get rid of the body what are you going to do with it when we kill fancy we could do it this way okay we could
00:24:54
chicken chicklets yeah checklist oh we want gum fancy right go get us some gum go get us some
00:25:01
gum he pays for the gum what if the kid charges a hundred dollars
00:25:07
i'm fencing a hundred bucks he's like do you know they're gonna murder you yeah this is cyanide it's expensive so he so
00:25:14
he he gives him the he pays the money yeah and then we we all day long before
00:25:19
we even you know i mean run the chiclet guy we say to fancy dude your breath stinks
00:25:24
it stinks have you smelled your breath lately fans yeah stinky mouth bud so
00:25:30
we'll go check your breath he buys it eat please please eat it eat it right
00:25:35
gross he chews on it he would die instantly instantaneously instantaneously gets right into his bloodstream maybe a couple minutes he
00:25:41
falls over on the beach yeah face first in the sand and at that point why can't we go murderer
00:25:47
to the little king no we can't do that why because he's on [Laughter]
00:25:53
he did it right he's like he doesn't speak english he doesn't
00:25:59
they don't speak english a little bit they know like they they could get an interpreter chicklets chicklets yeah you
00:26:05
can go you know these guys gave me the redhead and the 100
00:26:12
so what would we do with the body now we have to just now we have to kill the little kid no we've got no no we can't kill the kid why not
00:26:17
because we're not we're not mass murderers or on a killing spree so we only kill one kill one person all
00:26:23
right so what we do is we hire two other guys i see this is getting too thick the
00:26:28
problem is you have too many people yeah yeah the spider webs grow then they know people they tell people i got it yeah
00:26:35
we put it we spray paint an axe on the beach pretty on the nose right okay right for
00:26:41
like a pirate no the x is where we need this is where it's all got to go down
00:26:48
just maybe not spray maybe somebody just draws an x you know with their hand okay
00:26:53
that'll go away but yes yeah yeah no we tell the tricklet guy right to draw a big x big x so we know exactly when you
00:27:00
know what i mean right you're going to be all that right okay so what's the x for but x is near the x we have already
00:27:05
a pre-hole we've dug a hole yeah near the x yeah
00:27:11
not right under the x we have to give them another hundred dollars though to dig the hole now see where that's too much money already
00:27:17
what i think 100 bucks is all we can afford right now we can afford no that's what we can start that's in the budget
00:27:24
uh how about um i have an idea what is it oh here we go i love this chopped
00:27:30
um fancy's body [Music]
00:27:37
you can do it at night but there's not no you can alright so let's let her finish no all right i
00:27:43
don't have an argument against that so you can cut let her finish you can cut it up at night what are you going to use it's just any knife that the kid
00:27:50
this one good perfect okay well then you have to go you're coming with us you're coming with us i'll be the one to chop
00:27:56
do you feel comfortable enough chopping up fancy yeah what would you cut first head head first
00:28:03
head first go in head first yeah yeah you might as well and then what else and then after chopping into small pieces
00:28:09
just throw his the pieces on this beach it's scattered around like it's [ __ ]
00:28:16
graffiti yeah cause maybe there's sharks and they're gonna eat it on the beach they're just sharks sun tanning on the beach
00:28:26
where are you going i'm gonna sunbathe on the beach and maybe there's going to be human meat mexican sharks raul
00:28:32
hey alejandro yeah yeah i mean the idea is insane why wouldn't you just throw it in the water
00:28:38
yeah in the water that's what i'm saying okay what you said you definitely said on the beach oh okay
00:28:43
all right all right okay we don't bring her we don't bring her she's too suspicious she's way too
00:28:49
suspicious she'll get us caught yeah yeah there's no scattering on the beach just throws an arm on the beach yeah no
00:28:55
you have to create small
00:29:01
little tiny tiny tiny pieces you know how long that would be pieces so 24 hours hours and hours yeah 24. someone
00:29:07
would see you sawing through his phone yeah yeah and then we're yelling at you going hurry up and you're just on the
00:29:13
[ __ ] foot part imagine me me sitting there having to drink you smoking a cigarette we're yelling at her hurry up
00:29:19
hurry up yeah she's right your fancy's arms we can't do that we can't cut them into pieces i got it
00:29:26
go ahead i got it go ahead we got to meet someone down in mexico who's got a boat there we go we gotta spend how much well
00:29:33
how much can you rent a boat for in mexico about 50 bucks 60 bucks
00:29:38
do boat rentals baby let me just say something okay
00:29:43
mexicans aren't dumb it's not mexicans it's just cheap we're not mexico yeah but we're not gonna go hey dude
00:29:49
how much is your boat you know 50 bucks can we put a dead body on it yeah he's going to be like we're not going to i
00:29:55
need 10 grand we're not going to tell him because guess what what when he gets out there with us
00:30:00
no we're not killing anybody i want to kill more than just fancy wild why can't we just kill him
00:30:06
we don't want to kill innocent people all right look we can rent a yacht or we can rent a sailboat for like 1200 a day
00:30:12
the whole day in mexico yeah that's all that's a lot that's a lot but that's also i can't do sailboat why
00:30:18
do you know how to sail do you know how to sail dude there's a guy that does it we can't have anybody with you i
00:30:23
couldn't kill anybody that's true that's true so it's either we can take someone we can kill i can figure it out you'll figure out how to say that's good enough
00:30:30
can you imagine you've seen the sailing what what what side is the right side of the boat what side the left side what are they called sternum sternum yeah
00:30:37
yeah sternum is the left side yeah yeah and what's the right side the um anchor anchor that's right
00:30:43
well then you know what i think we're going to work out just right yeah we're on i'm on the sternum half and i'm on the anchor side yeah without a doubt we
00:30:48
pulled the guy up well we don't we call him the guy who he's no longer fancy oh he's gone
00:30:54
because i i if i call a fancy i might get emotional yeah your heart is in it yeah yeah i might be like okay so we kill the guy
00:31:00
so we kill the guy yeah yeah and let me tell you something he's a [ __ ] he is a piece of [ __ ] that's what we call him right we killed a piece of [ __ ]
00:31:07
so we have the piece of [ __ ] yeah and you know what do we put his shoes in his shoes what do we put his shoes in
00:31:12
concrete cement that's right quick try quick try i don't know how that works you his foot's
00:31:18
already in the shoe you put concrete in the shoe no dude you get two five gallon buckets you to get two home depot five
00:31:24
gallon buckets you put quick dry cement in there right literally put his feet in there put piece of shit's feet in there
00:31:29
within 10 minutes it's solid as a rock right and then we throw so then i can't i'll have nightmares just just seeing in
00:31:37
my dream float to the bottom just but he's just like floating forever just waving his arms like this but don't look
00:31:43
i'll just toss him in and you look the other way have a cigarette look look over the anchor side of the boat well i'm tossing him over the sternum side
00:31:49
and just okay we throw him over i throw him over and he's going down to the bottom right this is at night by the way
00:31:56
i've never sailed during the day or night i know you should be you should be probably sailing during the day yeah we'll die yeah yeah all right so
00:32:02
then maybe you sail i'll sail at night at night yeah yeah there's not a lot of wind yeah i know that close yeah yeah
00:32:09
that's we'd go deep in there yeah we'll go two or three miles out yeah so now he's at the bottom of the ocean
00:32:14
now we're dead because we're going to be lost in the ocean i mean we would so we come back but isn't that yeah we make it
00:32:19
back make it back and our getaway driver is there yeah rudy's there and she doesn't know
00:32:25
anything about it yeah hey thanks for picking us up and then and she's going to go okay where's
00:32:32
she's sleeping i know she's going to go where's um fancy bee say
00:32:38
where's fancy v wait a minute i thought he was with you he's not with you that's the best that's
00:32:43
the best horror film line i thought he was with you i saw you and i saw fancy bee and yeah he said okay
00:32:51
bob and i said we were gonna go take some photos him and i walk along the beach and fan said he was coming back to see you i never saw him coming back what
00:32:57
do you mean you never saw him i don't think i believe you i was waiting for the three of you sounds like something's fishy with you
00:33:03
pal see this all right that's very good what's going on we sent fancy up to see you and he left us like 20 30 minutes
00:33:10
ago yeah what have you been doing sleeping sleeping where in the car really really
00:33:19
interesting that's interesting because look at that sign right there it says no sleeping in cars by the beach yeah so what's going on
00:33:24
i didn't do it you didn't do what do you want i didn't do anything you killed you killed fancy
00:33:30
no we can't do we can't that's ridiculous what are we accusing her of killing we don't we she no no no
00:33:37
we have to help the police find out how we don't do that how she killed him yes no no she's a murderer she's not a
00:33:44
murderer no no bro you're losing your mind already you've got to calm yourself
00:33:49
no no you're going hog wild i know dude we gotta stay relaxed dude because
00:33:55
we're we're gonna be in an interrogation room okay right so we just go
00:34:00
i guess we don't know so we would go straight to the police right we lost our friend yeah we we got
00:34:07
in the car we thought he was with us we have the camera what's on the camera
00:34:12
nothing we were gonna shoot a sketch here in the dark with no light where did he go did he go to pee or something we don't
00:34:18
know we turned around he was gone he was gone yeah so then we go back to l.a yeah we go back to l.a
00:34:25
we go back to la and then what happens we get a new producer no no no dude
00:34:30
they're gonna look for people are gonna come to us well then we have to be on the run now we're no no no
00:34:35
we don't need that you're acting great you're not going to yuma arizona no you're not doing this i bought us a house already you're not doing this with
00:34:41
me i call my real estate agent you're acting guilty already we you got to act cool man okay so we just stay where we
00:34:46
are we go no we have to first go then we come back to la we go to the [ __ ] police department why would we go to the
00:34:53
police down there we already went down to tijuana and then we come back to l.a and we go because we're concerned we don't know what to do
00:35:00
we went to town with our friend fran fancy b you know what i mean and just hear me out this is the cop
00:35:05
imagine they write down their like fancy b yeah yeah and we're shooting a sketch we have a
00:35:11
podcast into that and we turned around he was gone we don't know what to do we went to the [ __ ] mexican police yeah
00:35:17
i mean what's so funny it's just funny here we went to the [ __ ] mexican police please now we're going to the regular
00:35:22
community now we're going to the regular one the legitimate one you know and then um and we don't know what to do and they're
00:35:28
like okay and so then we would probably have to call his wife oh no yeah you do it i can't do
00:35:33
it all right hey hello hello oh hey um
00:35:39
hey uh it's andrew it's andrew it's andrew from bad friends oh hi hi yeah what's up i don't know how to break this
00:35:45
to you what but um fancy bee was down in mexico with us and there was an accident
00:35:52
what what me what kind of accident meanwhile you hear me and behind you am i going just
00:35:57
[Laughter]
00:36:03
yeah there was an accident and he got lost and we don't know where he is well is it an accident was just missing well
00:36:09
i'm saying but he went missing by accident okay so what happened so you we went down to
00:36:15
the beach yeah if i'm being honest with you i think rudy has something to do with his disappearance what the [ __ ] are you
00:36:21
doing what the [ __ ] i know what i'm doing shut the [ __ ] up so listen
00:36:26
i don't know what's going on but bobby and i went down to the beach to shoot a scene and we came back up and he was up by the van supposedly with rudy and he
00:36:33
was gone so he never made it to the van that's me
00:36:42
yeah um who is this it's bobby oh hey hi
00:36:47
are you okay hi i just sleep well did you kill my husband you would blow it immediately oh that's
00:36:54
i play you cool that's not playing it cool hi did you sleep well yeah i've never met her before yeah so you would
00:37:00
never ask someone you've never met have you slept well all right dude let me do it again no you blew it out she knows
00:37:10
[Laughter]
00:37:21
are you cringe crying collecting your teeth yeah i'm so upset right now what's wrong we turn around and where is my
00:37:28
husband jules killer we would totally bail yeah we'd be like
00:37:33
jules did it look and i take it then the best part is she gets deployed
00:37:40
to the philippines we never hear from her again that's it it's over no she'll get tried here
00:37:47
no she would call the philippines you get tried here as adult we can't [ __ ] do that
00:37:52
we have to okay we we stay with the plan google what does a filipino get for involuntary manslaughter how much time
00:38:00
how much prison time is she gonna face you think it's a lot in the philippines no here she's gonna get tried here
00:38:07
a filipino what does that it doesn't matter in our lives it does race you are yes it does
00:38:13
you're not paying attention to the law voluntary manslaughter sentencing penalties there we go
00:38:20
all right so how long does she get sentencing what does it say case by case 10 years bro
00:38:26
can you can you do 10 years for us that's nothing that's fine you would do 10 years for us probably seven and a
00:38:32
half with good behave yeah we'd send her money into her you know they all get cards now oh i was you know what i would i would sneak sneak into my i've always
00:38:38
wanted to do this sneaking stuff in your butt yeah sneak heroin balloons i would sneak in harem balloons in my
00:38:44
butt i've always wanted to see if i could get away with it could you imagine you and you'd hear like all right right
00:38:50
and then what i would do is i've always imagined like get the hair would be gross you have to puke it out
00:38:55
no i would have it in my butt that i would stick it in my mouth why and do a european kiss with you no yeah yeah yeah
00:39:03
that's how it works you want to shoot when you're in prison you're going to want to shoot heroin
00:39:08
it's well sell it because it's good for money no just use it it'll be i'll get you high grade [ __ ]
00:39:13
well it's gonna be in your butt then in your mouth i get it from the little boy from the chiclets he's my dealer right why don't you just
00:39:20
poop it out and give it to her from there because you can't they see your hands they're you're not
00:39:25
allowed to like kiss or touch and you're not allowed to touch you can do a european kiss i think you can
00:39:30
but how does she how about i do a cough in the bag and she goes up and she catches it
00:39:36
right and she does it hits her face and now she has to pick a yeah you're right she wouldn't be able to be able to
00:39:42
do it you'll serve 10 for us seven and a half with good behave you'll do it yeah you'll do it would you think you'd fight the first person in prison
00:39:49
no i'd be too scared so what do you do you know first day in you have to establish yourself you either got to be with the white supremacists
00:39:55
yeah yeah yeah you gotta be with the gangs you gotta choose your clan who's your clan the nazis and here's
00:40:01
the black guys go with the nazis go with the nazis but don't they they don't like me
00:40:07
they're not there no one's gonna like you yeah no no but no one's gonna but i mean you could prove yourself to the nazis yeah yeah with your knives okay
00:40:13
your life will work look look at these guys do you think you could be like one of these yeah yeah yeah that's your group
00:40:20
no that's those are not that's good that's all nazis what did you type in prison gangs type in um prison nazis
00:40:26
prison another they're not they're just called white supremacists asian prison gangs ooh this might be
00:40:31
your click look at that third picture it looks like just a bunch of breakdancers
00:40:40
yeah well the guy in the far right looks white oh that's true they look weak that you know
00:40:46
you know what that is right there what is ms-13 that is yeah respect ms-13 i think ms-13
00:40:53
you've always wanted tattoos on your face would you be willing to get an ms-13 on your face yeah really you'd do
00:40:59
it huh yeah but yeah at the end of the day what would end up happening is that um she
00:41:05
would be the boss no what would happen eve just the cops would be like she didn't do it you guys
00:41:10
did it we're gone by then we're in yuma no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no i don't wanna get the house why can't we get the house because
00:41:15
you don't think that they can find us there in yuma yeah no dude it's kind of on its own little paradise here's what
00:41:21
we do it's a three bed three bath better i've got it already we get right what's that you know bomber say richard
00:41:27
klinkinski because ted kaczynski ted kansinski yeah we get ted kinzinskis
00:41:33
that on the montana mountains isn't he dead yeah but we get his oh get his old
00:41:38
shed i'll get his shed you and i can live in there okay right and they're never going to find us out
00:41:44
there you think in ted kaczynski well they might be able to hear us
00:41:49
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details and important safety information and we thank bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast that's the shed that he lived i can imagine the fbi your man oh they brought
00:44:23
the [ __ ] back is it in a museum i think it's in a museum yeah they brought it back there it is
00:44:29
wow does that look so creepy i know wow he lived there for like years
00:44:34
it was over a decade wasn't it and he was building way longer building bombs the whole time yeah dude if you if you had to be a recluse
00:44:40
like that yeah what part of the world would you move to to be alone if you're one of these people that has to be alone and like build chaotic
00:44:47
machines and hate on the real world where do you live i wouldn't build a shed like that i would build um
00:44:53
like a bunker no what i would do is in ba ba in torrey pines in san diego
00:44:58
right yeah there's a side of a cliff i'm not kidding you this is not made up no i know but it's so beautiful down there
00:45:04
it's like right but somebody had chiseled a house along the side of a cliff
00:45:10
what do you mean i'm not kidding like like chisel the house out of a cliff yeah wow yeah maybe if torrey pines
00:45:17
i don't know house chiseled out of a cliff there's no way you can find that you could literally go there and you and
00:45:22
you walk in and there's like a makeshift somebody chiseled a bed wow she's right so i would probably chisel something so
00:45:29
you'd be a chiseler i'm not good with woodwork right wood's expensive right now no but
00:45:34
i just don't know how to chop it i don't know how to deal with it well then you think you're better at chiseling than i know how to do this
00:45:41
i know how to do this it's much harder than that why because you're going through stone dude something to do something what do
00:45:47
you do out there you're right no you're right all right so you're moving to tory pines into the chisel place no no i would probably go to like you know
00:45:54
south america somewhere oh find a mountain range right and chisel a little house on the side of a cliff that sounds
00:46:00
kind of quaint and cute yeah yeah where would you be rude you had if you're running away you're going to be a recluse and you want to live in the
00:46:05
middle of nowhere perhaps can put [ __ ] some kind of evil plan where are you going
00:46:10
new zealand or go back to the philippines go back to the philippines the philippines would probably be too
00:46:16
safe for you because you get that's new zealand that's how much how many islands are
00:46:22
there in the philippines um seven thousand something what yeah so
00:46:28
because there's i literally was like 50. i don't know we were in a boat remember we took the boat how many islands are in
00:46:34
the philippines we took a boat in the philippines and we would go to these little remote islands
00:46:39
and no one lives on them no one yeah seven thousand six hundred and forty islands yeah no one lives insane i never
00:46:46
know i thought it was like and the best is when you go to a small island like that yeah and the water is
00:46:52
so blue and no one's ever been on it right and it's just like it's magical it's your
00:46:58
own little paradise yeah the islands sometimes are the big as big as this room yeah well that's got to be that's
00:47:04
can't last that long right what do you mean because because the changing of the of the ocean maybe yeah maybe that it was a hawaii at
00:47:10
one point in the sea yeah 7 000 though do you know any of them that are little secret islands that
00:47:16
you're aware of no is epstein's island there still i don't know
00:47:21
great parties i mean ragers tell me what tell me what island you
00:47:27
know is there a secret island that used to go to when you were a kid um yeah but i forgot the name but we all
00:47:34
there's isn't there one that's haunted with witches and stuff no that's just a place
00:47:40
that's just a regular wait tell me the story of that um it's near somewhere in cebu and they
00:47:47
always say that um there's switches there that live there and
00:47:52
kids should be scared because they take kids and they just eat kids
00:47:58
oh look at this escaro pension house a four-story building located in escarole street in cebu city believers claim it's
00:48:04
haunted stories maintain that a monthly work that a monthly that monthly a worker perished during its construction
00:48:10
fort san pedro historic wow so look up the escaro pension house i want to see it oh oh that definitely looks like witches
00:48:17
and no that's not it's the first one that's not it that's it that's it god it's so modern
00:48:24
but which is what's like a [ __ ] area witches don't deserve to live in a mormon no no they don't it looks like a
00:48:29
marriott courtyard yeah anyway these little islands um
00:48:35
i always think about maybe living in one on one i want to take a look i wonder how much fun you would go there i would badly i
00:48:42
want to go bad i've never been to the philippines i want to go believe it or not they have these
00:48:47
like really cool hotels and stuff like high-end hotels and they have great chefs
00:48:53
well i mean you almost made me throw up i haven't eaten all day it burped up
00:48:58
something what was it something from yesterday like a bean or something
00:49:04
that's one bean imagine just one bean making its way up like i'm having these like um it's called heartburn
00:49:10
yeah but i'm having i'm always kind of like burping up food it's acid reflux that's what it is yeah you should but i
00:49:16
get chunks of food that's what that is i think it's oh so i went to the dentist today let me see
00:49:22
no you didn't clean wait let me see it looks good yes so you know i haven't been in tennis in a
00:49:27
decade yeah and so my teeth is hurting my teeth all of them
00:49:33
two of them one down here one up here uh-huh and so i've been taking ibuprofen advil every day
00:49:39
yeah it hurts so bad and i just because i go to new york next week so i'm like maybe i'll just go to and then
00:49:45
kalella's like you gotta go and i know i don't know a dentist you don't have a dentist that you go to
00:49:50
i used to go to this place called best western smile or whatever but it's too far it's a dental office in a best
00:49:56
western hotel i don't know what it's called ran a room get your face planed no but then
00:50:01
um so i went to see her dentist collis the dentist made me laugh because i
00:50:06
didn't tell him because you know i'm missing 19 teeth and i have code bad gingivitis
00:50:13
and i didn't explain that to him yeah he found out fast he opened my mouth and gets the first
00:50:19
guess no the first two words out of his mouth was um i'll just tell you what that that poop
00:50:25
question mark he goes that poop no he goes oh boy
00:50:30
[Laughter] did he really oh boy oh boy right and i go
00:50:36
my teeth my teeth are hurting and he goes yeah what teeth
00:50:41
which is funny right right this guy's great great and then um but i need a root canal on this oh i've
00:50:47
had one yeah oh my god i've had 15. what yeah i've had so many 15 root
00:50:52
canals yeah why so many maybe seven that's so maybe
00:50:57
seven i lie so you have to have one down here so one right here and then maybe one up here why don't you just start
00:51:03
taking care of your teeth i brush do you floss
00:51:10
when you say you brush how many times a day do you brush night one time at night you never brush
00:51:15
in the morning no because when i'm sleeping i'm not eating but when you wake up your first thing you when you wake up you don't brush at all
00:51:21
holy [ __ ] why you should why i didn't eat a sandwich while i was sleeping no but you don't
00:51:27
just brush just because you weren't eating bud what happens you brush your teeth because that's bacteria grows in your mouth
00:51:33
is that what it is why you don't have that many teeth is that what it is so look at it like this
00:51:39
yeah if you don't take care of your neighborhood and clean up the streets and repave the street and repave once in a while and fix the sidewalks and fix
00:51:45
the streetlights that are out people are gonna leave the neighborhood aren't they i never thought of it though your teeth
00:51:50
people are leaving the neighborhood they're leaving the neighborhood in the root canal yeah are the other people coming in drug dealers
00:51:57
criminals prostitutes that's who's moving in yeah so you want to keep your neighborhood nice but
00:52:04
the next question i had was do i have gum cancer and i don't think that's good that's
00:52:09
huge that's huge for me but you know you can get it pretty easily if you don't take care of your teeth at all i know he goes but you have really bad gingivitis
00:52:15
and he goes um and i think you should get implants because you know when i was in hawaii
00:52:21
last night like like all of your teeth no just get these done oh because in hawaii last week i took um
00:52:29
i just want to mention there's this act kid actor his name is martin martinez shout out to martin martinez he's 23
00:52:35
years old okay and um he was on magnum pi shot magnum pi i took him to dinner because it was his
00:52:41
birthday a 23 year 23rd birthday his 23rd birthday is he cutie pie he's pretty cute i try to set him up i've
00:52:47
been selling i figured i've been selling she doesn't like him what don't you like about him his photos on google bring up his
00:52:54
picture marty martinez martin martinez martin martinez by the way shame on his parents for doing that what martin
00:53:00
martinez pick a better first name on your last name that's like me being santy santino
00:53:07
he's a cutie patootie pie i know i mean he's got talent that's like you being lee lee no he's got a choice he's like
00:53:12
i've got a johnny depp vibe look at how thick his hair is beautiful it's beautiful that's good what you don't like this guy why
00:53:18
his posing too much his pose he's posing too really what do you want you [ __ ] hey hey no look at how chicks are man
00:53:25
she doesn't like posers no but it's like they have so many conditions they do i mean he's a good actor he's cute he's a
00:53:32
nice kid but he doesn't pose well well that fifth picture in the red shirt up there is
00:53:37
really this is what did he put that up for i don't get that that's cool that's it that's cool
00:53:44
what do you like about that the watch the hands the cl look at the clothes yeah what is he looking at over there maybe jules
00:53:51
but anyway we're eating dinner and he i ordered a steak right and i don't tell new people that i
00:53:56
don't have any teeth and i have to chew steak with my front teeth yeah it's cute it's like a little wrap
00:54:01
so it's in there like like this little rabbit steak and just chuck and it takes me like five minutes i'm just kidding
00:54:08
five minutes just to get one chunk into enough you know i mean pieces what's so funny until i can swallow it right right
00:54:14
that you need like liquid food yeah you gotta start because i'm doing this and he goes hey dude what are you doing
00:54:19
and then just like and i got i need i need implants because is insane that makes me feel sad it's insane what
00:54:26
i'm doing well should we start a gofundme for your teeth no i can afford it you can yeah i'm gonna then let's knock
00:54:32
it out let's do it shout out to marty martinez happy birthday bud yeah by the way i to show you something jake is on the line oh
00:54:39
jake is here let's get jake on let's get jake on all right let's hear from jake this is our good friend jake duby
00:54:45
yeah i don't hear hello jake hey bobby lee here
00:54:51
what's going on hi cutie i mean guy
00:54:56
i opened weird um i did when i said cute i just looked at your photo and i just in my head i was like oh he's a cute guy but it
00:55:03
wasn't i wasn't hitting on you right he is hitting on you right now dupe sir no i i get it i like booster too i've
00:55:10
gotten uh i get i get sir dude squad pubie
00:55:17
is cool i like pube jake
00:55:26
congratulations on graduating from usc thank you when did it happen did it already happen or is it happening
00:55:32
uh in may i graduated oh yeah so i did have congratulations congratulations congratulations and let me ask you
00:55:39
something so you know we didn't know who you were when we i did bobby didn't know who you were i have i have his album so
00:55:45
go [ __ ] yourself oh you do yeah okay okay what's it called to do c is on planet earth dupsy's on planet earth is
00:55:50
right right [ __ ] it's good that's a good that's a good album problem buddy jake
00:55:56
anyway uh so jake we didn't know jake we didn't know who you were when we
00:56:02
saw the lollapalooza lineup lineup and we obviously it could have been anyone on
00:56:09
the last that you know the last name on the thing right but you know what i have to say um
00:56:15
to be on a poster with all those talented people that must have felt good right
00:56:20
yeah honestly um did you submit no and that's the funny thing is like people were like
00:56:26
you were like how the [ __ ] did you like how did you get it like did you apply like i was like it's not a job like you
00:56:32
don't just like apply like they just reached out like i don't i don't know like people like asking me how you get it and i was like
00:56:37
to be honest like i don't know like they just reached out and so you have no idea how i think i know how it happened i
00:56:43
think that there's somebody that works a lot of blues they're having a meeting right there's somebody watching right and it's like all right we got the
00:56:50
lineup we got the 300 people right and is that it and then some hot chick
00:56:55
in the meeting goes or guy or guy yeah or guy hey i love dukester i love dupster and
00:57:01
they're like who and they're like [ __ ] they looked it up yeah and they all probably wedded themselves and they saw
00:57:07
how cute he is yeah yeah and they love the music they love the music the music the music's great yeah and that and then
00:57:12
they go just put them on the end put them on the end yeah yeah make them in the caboose that's probably the most likely thing
00:57:20
we'll do dupe sir we're glad that where are you from bud i can hear a southern accent a little bit or a draw yeah i'm from i'm
00:57:27
from lexington kentucky right on but genuinely dubster we're happy that you called on the show and we hope that
00:57:33
you think we got a couple streams for you online do you think we helped yeah uh i got
00:57:39
a million dms in comments letting me know that i was on the podcast and that
00:57:44
uh and a bunch of people commented like bad friends sent me here hell yeah
00:57:50
and then i got let's see i'm trying to think of the exact number i got probably
00:57:55
3 000 more monthly listeners in like 24 hours that's great and now and now that you're on here you're going to get more
00:58:01
let's grow the dubster's fan base and i hope some of the bad friends family starts listening to jake dubia and go check him out and support him dupsty is
00:58:08
um a part of her family now he is and we're gonna let me tell you something pod all right just by talking to you on the phone
00:58:14
right now you seem like a good guy you seem like a good guy and we're all you know in the beginning you know him and i were kind of joking around this and that
00:58:21
but you know what i think it's turned into a love affair i love you dude we love you dude i love you guys uh we'll we'll hopefully
00:58:27
we'll talk to you in five years when you're selling out [ __ ] madison square garden we better get backstage better get back [ __ ] houses we helped
00:58:34
all got passes to any any show automatically now okay all right thank you dubster
00:58:40
appreciate you brother all right bye dubs hi dubs nice dude what do you think bring up his
00:58:46
photo so she can take a look yeah yeah we can pimp him out no now because we own him a little bit right we hold him
00:58:51
we manage him we manage him that's what i mean we're his managers good looking kid what do you say do you
00:58:57
like that pose is that pose okay for you no no so were you [ __ ] it dude
00:59:05
look at him there look at the second picture in look at how cute that one is you don't like that pose what's wrong with that i want someone like adam
00:59:12
driver
00:59:18
that's what he yeah look you like the drive stuff you like the driver it's fine it's fine so
00:59:25
someone sent me this clip and they were like you you're gonna love this this is how they train the cam in the cambodian police department yeah like what they do
00:59:32
is they train these guys and they got to go through this rigorous training process kind of like our military but then at
00:59:38
the end they got to stand in line and stuff like that and just take it from the head guy and i don't mean just like
00:59:44
not full metal jacket yelling at you yeah physical [ __ ] them up [ __ ] them up look at this look at how
00:59:50
great this is this is incredible
00:59:56
oh god
01:00:08
[Laughter] oh my god kicking so hard
01:00:14
that one's my favorite when you're just trying oh yeah because he hadn't done that before so the guy he's gonna kick me in the stomach so he tightened his
01:00:20
stomach yeah he tripped it's funny some of them are 14 and some of them are bald it's like the gap of
01:00:25
age is insane they're laughing a little bit they're smiling
01:00:32
oh my god see smiling is smiling so it's kind of part of the thing you have to like laugh
01:00:37
it off yeah yeah that's cambodian by the way cambodian police they don't mess around yeah
01:00:43
oh there's more you don't have to play you want to play all of them does he kick him on their spread leg yeah oh he
01:00:48
spreads their legs more oh yeah they want to see if they can get all the way down on the ground in the splits
01:00:53
can you do the splits yeah but the main question dude is push pause my question to you is is that what
01:00:58
if this is all the training is that's an issue when they're actually on the field right they're just standing around
01:01:05
waiting to get kicked yeah we need to get kicked the criminals are like we're running away and they're like we have to wait well if the criminals attack them
01:01:11
they're probably good at like just standing there and taking they're taking the hits that's actually true that's good maybe they just take the hits do
01:01:16
they have guns yeah do they have guns or is it just or they just have to fight with their fists and their legs
01:01:25
do the filipino police are they mean i heard that they used to do those things but they stopped did you see
01:01:31
there's one video i can't even we can't even show here let's show it no there's no way we must so there's a cop an
01:01:37
ex-cop right he he lives in a house in the philippines it's on video online right
01:01:42
and um he has an argument right you saw that one right is it bad yeah it's pretty bad so he
01:01:50
some guy was making noise or some neighborhood he doesn't like he comes over
01:01:55
this cop with a gun and the grandma's like we're sorry we're sorry you know we
01:02:01
won't make the noise or whatever right right what was the noise i don't know he was probably playing um
01:02:06
um pearl jam or something got it right vitology probably okay right
01:02:13
and she's like dude he was taking a nap he comes next door
01:02:19
and um grump was like and he just goes whatever your language i apologize right
01:02:25
and sounds right right and he's like no no and he just goes
01:02:30
he just kills them yeah sight unseen on videos on video that's so awful
01:02:35
you see everything and it's so brutal how about that though for real the the the afghanistan president just left
01:02:42
dude just left goodbye yeah though some of those photos are so hard if you were president of that
01:02:48
country would you leave too be honest well i you know i'm korean and in koreans we just the captain never leaves
01:02:55
the ship right so you'd stay i would stay you gotta right yeah would you what would
01:03:00
you do if your country was overthrown by the the taliban or the version of the taliban in the philippines do they have
01:03:06
um uh terrorist hate groups in the philippines um i think so but i don't really um know
01:03:13
the names of them they're just not that popular yet no they're like the jake dubies of the philippines please please what do you mean these are
01:03:20
part of our family no but i'm saying that he's not popular yet but they're gonna get they're gonna get there yeah the abu sayyaf primarily operates in the
01:03:25
southern philippines members traveling to manila and other provinces reported that abu sayyaf
01:03:31
what is it yeah so exactly how he said it it began expanding into neighboring malaysia and indonesia in the early 1990s abu sayyaf
01:03:39
one of the smallest but strongest of the philippines islamist separatist groups let me ask you a question shout out to abu sayyaf
01:03:45
when we went to the philippines remember we went to the philippines and we went to the um the you know where the kids were where they were poor yeah kids were
01:03:52
running out of their huts naked and all that and we had a bunch of food yeah what's the poorest area i know what that
01:03:59
area is called it's it's near where i lived before really yeah yeah so we we went in there and
01:04:05
it's this gigantic field with these huts and these terrible right
01:04:10
yeah they're like shacks yeah and kids are running out with no pants
01:04:15
little kids bigger dicks than me all of them no pants yeah there's going you know we want we had these
01:04:22
spaghetti and a bunch of food for them and like what's so funny spaghetti
01:04:27
so specifically yeah yeah and fruit drinks okay yeah like grape whatever okay and um
01:04:34
but then there was like i'm like why don't you just eat the the sheep there lamb no those are their pets
01:04:41
wasn't there lamb there yeah there was but i don't know they're pets yeah they're pets bud but eat the lamb first
01:04:47
it's a pet you can't eat lamb chops how about this i just go eat the lamb i'll give you spaghetti you can make them kill and eat the lamb
01:04:53
before they get the spaghetti it just feels like it's ridiculous there's a bunch of lamb laying around this is right next to your neighborhood where
01:04:59
you grew up yeah a little near like 10 minutes away wow yeah did you did you
01:05:05
ever go did you ever go over there or no you never went over there no no oh my god because she's too classy huh no do
01:05:11
you think you're better you think you're better than those air conditioning i just don't go there because i don't know anyone oh [ __ ] they
01:05:17
had air conditioning well no your house though there was a point though you guys did live in like what was the worst house
01:05:24
you lived in near that yeah so what was that was there what was it made out of
01:05:30
cement okay but was there um was there water uh was there running water there was do
01:05:36
you get hot water no no just cold water yeah you took cold showers when you were a kid
01:05:42
we have this kabu there's no shower so we just it's like a bucket bucket yeah and we
01:05:49
just shower with that wow and you heat the water no you don't heat the water you don't put it on the stove or the
01:05:54
fire was there do the toilets work no there's a poop in a hole right yeah we no we use the bucket to flush your
01:06:02
pocket whoever invented the bucket genius genius who invented the bucket i mean it's like what a cool guy here's
01:06:08
what you can do right you can put cement in it and drown people and kill fancy right you can [ __ ] poop you poop in
01:06:15
it right you could wash the poop down wash it
01:06:25
and if you're a bad kid you could stick it on your head right in the corner corner get over there
01:06:32
the bucket whoever invented the bucket well i'll tell you who invented it sorel in 1837 sturdy and rust-proof
01:06:39
galvanized buckets it was before that 1837 yeah no they weren't using buckets this was a
01:06:44
bucket your hands this was a bucket because in like in in in game of thrones where they put the
01:06:50
bucket on the is that a bucket where they stick the rats in it's more like a it's more like a um
01:06:56
not really a bucket i don't know what is that what would you call that carry-all i don't know what that is yeah yeah is that it is that is that
01:07:02
stellana sorel the guy that invented the bucket look at this guy that's the guy he should george's
01:07:09
georges sorel yeah the best inventor in the world where was he from yeah i want to know more click on the wikipedia page
01:07:14
of him and see where this guy was from this by the bucket god but it's it's not even that it's like it's basically like this how do you
01:07:20
pitch a bucket so you know it's like a cup but we already have big cups
01:07:27
bigger than that one like a big big cup yeah like a big big cup for what you don't need venti oh
01:07:34
you've been to starbucks i get it a venti cup i guess that makes sense yeah there's
01:07:39
the first bucket right there there's one of them that's it that whoever invented that well we saw george that's amazing
01:07:45
what a great guy you know the simple stuff like that who invents simple [ __ ] i know isn't that kind of about that the simplest stuff
01:07:52
yeah who inv like like like that well i mean what what
01:07:57
what were you going to say like who invented the wheel a caveman marcus
01:08:02
the kitty marcus marcus he didn't have a last name who invented the wheel trump apparently there was a picture of donald trump i
01:08:08
invented the wheel the wheel was invented before it's fourth century bc in lower mesopotamia
01:08:13
it's iraq so fourth century bc they invented a wheel but it took them it took them thousands of you to get a
01:08:19
bucket you could get a bucket yeah probably lazy i think i think once you get the wheel you're like we're done
01:08:26
the wheel is real the wheel is dope because people are like what are you gonna carry stuff in you're like right here yeah you just carry stuff in your
01:08:32
hands or you would just you know what they used to do before buckets for water yeah you'd have the fattest guy drink as much
01:08:38
as he could and then he'd have to puke it back up yeah to the members of the like a bird like a mama bird
01:08:43
and just puke back up who invented you know that they have cockfights
01:08:49
yeah and there's like little knives oh little knight knives on the [ __ ] on the [ __ ] yeah a little knife little [ __ ]
01:08:55
knives who invented [ __ ] knives [ __ ] knives it does sound like a german would make it and and once a hand would have little
01:09:02
tiny knives onto fingers because it sounds diabolical in a little tiny fa of gas masks
01:09:11
gas masks and end knives he will come in on a mercedes and have little tiny
01:09:16
little knives on his fingers that's amazing the cocknites who invented cocktails that's a gene that's a genius
01:09:21
it really is yeah yeah because the guy because the guy that invented it right
01:09:27
those was the first [ __ ] and somebody probably went that's not fair because his [ __ ] was beating the [ __ ] out of
01:09:33
everyone he was the determinator of all [ __ ] [ __ ] he had the best [ __ ] just like slicing things like
01:09:39
limbs going all over the place and all these [ __ ] were like they were trying to tell their owners this guy's cheating yeah this [ __ ] is
01:09:46
cheating yeah he's yeah what if we had suicide [ __ ] bombers oh yeah little vest and the bot and the
01:09:52
cop gets in there and he opens up yeah but they would be like
01:09:57
truth it would be i mean it's a draw draw it's a draw but still a dro you can bet on a draw you can bet on a draw tie
01:10:04
winner yeah dude you can bet on a drone you can bet on draw you know what i want to know what who invented jockeys
01:10:10
the little guys that get on horses god made them no dude they're made in a lab have you seen how small those people
01:10:17
are no because they're they're not quite lp's they're not little people but they're not but my brother steve not not
01:10:24
jockey enough wait he's average height and weight of a jockey do average height and weight of a jockey
01:10:29
wait do you see this steve is bigger than these i'm telling you they're so small but they're not lps they're not they're not like our buddy
01:10:35
brad williams yeah average 410 to five six no one's over five feet tall it says
01:10:41
five six there somebody says it says two men that's the maximum 108 pounds yeah but i'm listen listen to me i'm calling
01:10:48
your brother right now no no no stop i wanna i'm five three yeah guys we proved five two no not five
01:10:55
[ __ ] two how how tall five two five two she saw she was there i'm not so [ __ ] five
01:11:01
i'm not five two dude you say that [ __ ] you just cause you yell it loud enough doesn't mean it's not true i'm not five dude i five three because i said it was
01:11:08
five four before and now i'm five three no we dude she was proof it was five two no
01:11:13
okay still you're way more than 110 pounds that's my point it's is that you couldn't be a jockey i know but if i
01:11:19
lost the weight i could look at this [ __ ] says five five on the [ __ ] internet that's five five
01:11:28
that's [ __ ] yeah there we go type in how much is bobby lee worth this is how this is how off the internet is
01:11:34
it'll say a million dollars one month yeah steve stevie yeah hey babe you're on the podcast
01:11:40
what's up say hi to your brother hey steve what's up bob steve we were talking about if we could be a jockey
01:11:46
like a horse jockey how tall are you i'm five four five five
01:11:52
no steve c maybe they got that mixed 50's they said steve lee is five five steve bob lee is five two steve how tall
01:11:58
is your brother you think for real steve uh five four no well you're taller than me steve
01:12:05
no you know what we're probably shorter i yeah maybe you're right
01:12:11
maybe you're right i'm five three so we can trust none of this information i think that might be five four you're
01:12:16
five two you're five two no no there's no way on five two there's no way i'm five two if i'm five two you're five two
01:12:23
if he's five two you're five two no but i think bob shrunk over time i told you you shrunk i didn't shrink over time yes
01:12:29
you did when i met you possibly when i met you you were five four when i met you you were at least almost five five see thank you steve
01:12:36
no problem love you guys love you guys hey wait wait wait wait wait wait wait steve yeah how much do you weigh
01:12:41
135. see couldn't be a jockey so that's what i'm saying he's smaller than your brother okay okay has to be 20
01:12:47
pounds less yeah all right bye steve no steve could you lose 20 pounds do you think by by the fall we
01:12:52
want to enter you in a race uh i mean i would have to run every day change there's gonna be a whole life
01:12:58
are you committed i don't know what can we talk about it um
01:13:04
[Laughter] [Applause]
01:13:11
that dude's the best my brother your brother is the best he's great so we can't make him a jockey what i was
01:13:17
wondering is is that um did they did dwar at little people careful little people you don't want the little people
01:13:22
committed to coming after us like lpc will [ __ ] us up a guy like brad williams who's a little he's a good friend of
01:13:28
ours he's a good friend of ours yeah could brad williams did they try at first let's just try a little person
01:13:34
they put a little guy in there yeah and then they started resting and the guy just flew away
01:13:41
is that what happened that's how brad ended up in california yeah he's from kentucky yeah maybe that's through him so hard ended up here i wonder all the
01:13:47
things that they tried like who could run the who could be on the horse though yeah let's try a baby
01:13:53
yeah yeah he's light you think a baby he can't control it well you just strap him on
01:13:58
right so he's just on the side of the yeah yeah like a saddlebag yeah he's like a saddlebag you put him in the saddlebag
01:14:05
you put him in there his little face is sticking out well what are the rules do you have to control the horse or could you just smack the horse's butt and let
01:14:10
it go maybe if the horse is smart enough yeah yeah you me it meets the baby and you go
01:14:16
saddlebag baby you go yeah why do we even need to put the baby if the horse can do it on his own someone's got to be
01:14:22
on the horse to make it official that's true it's got to have some kind of body right yeah have you been to a horse race
01:14:28
before you've nev the del mar the fairgrounds are right next to your house no way there's no way you used to you grew up
01:14:34
down i knew where it was i was just like i would drive by go yeah i'll never go there why too white
01:14:40
i saw a movie called let it ride what there was a movie called let it
01:14:46
ride with richard dreyfuss i've never seen that
01:14:51
yeah i was gonna say it sounded like a casino movie yeah but it's it's with horses right is it with horsies yeah it
01:14:56
is there's horses in the background yeah there's horses in the background right so let it ride here's how i know i saw the
01:15:02
movie okay because i used to because you saw the movie no no that's not why because this
01:15:09
is an interesting thing okay is that i used to do a commercial commercials with joe pitka
01:15:15
i know him yeah the the violent guy yeah right yeah so there was a legend where
01:15:22
joe pitka was he directed let it ride right on and a fox executive
01:15:29
gave him a note in a scene you know how like sometimes sure you know caught and the fox just a guy just
01:15:36
had a note he's like why don't we and and joe pitka headbutted him in the face and broke his
01:15:43
nose cool right and then he was banned from making movies again
01:15:48
i like how that's such an inaccurate you're banned but you don't get to make movies he made space jam
01:15:54
space jam one one joe picca did because michael jordan refused to do it without him
01:16:01
how did he know michael jordan because joe pika is the steven spielberg of commercial directing
01:16:07
and jordan did a gatorade with him no jordan did all his commercials through joe pitka i mean i want to know who what
01:16:13
was the first joe pitcher commercial he did with jordan i don't know because that would have been the thing so
01:16:18
when i found that out because i used to work for joe pitka what did you do for a job i've done like
01:16:24
oh you mean you did ten commercials as an actor and i heard that story on set and so i um
01:16:32
wow yeah joe pitka go go oh i've see yeah i've seen i know him go down to
01:16:37
director go down to director oh there it is he go to the very first thing he directed keep going all the way
01:16:43
down all the way down okay up up up up up up up so he pat pepsi so he did a pepsi and
01:16:48
then he did uh hershey syrup messy marvin what was the thing you think he did oh
01:16:55
look he did with michael jackson let it ride no no but i'm just saying before that he did something with jordan so look he did
01:17:00
a bunch oh he did dirty diana yeah dirty diana he also did bono's campaign oh i
01:17:06
love him he also did um when michael jackson's hair got caught on fire the pepsi there you go he did hair jordan
01:17:11
nike the hair jordan with bugs bunny yeah which of oh that's genius that's eventually led to space jam how many
01:17:17
years later look at that nike hair jordan when the hair jordan shoes came out was 92 do you know what the hair jordans are no look up jordan look at
01:17:23
michael jordan hair jordan shoes these i had these shoes when i was a kid this is the these were like some of the coolest
01:17:30
it's so funny how he was so [ __ ] good at putting his name on great designers but the hair jordans were the [ __ ] shoes
01:17:36
shoes yeah that they're there well that's them right there okay the sevens look at how
01:17:41
[ __ ] cool those you don't even like basketball shoes those are [ __ ] cool those are dope but when those shoes came
01:17:46
out are they expensive when we were kids they were well if you could if you wanted to buy an original
01:17:51
hair jordan the hair jordan sevens right now right now brand new i can tell you or the sixes i mean i can tell you how
01:17:57
much uh i can tell you how much they are i can look up right now how much do you think they'd be worth rudy how much do you think those are for
01:18:05
um 300 no i would say about 10 grand
01:18:10
10 dollars for a hair jordans not anymore no no no well because they've remade so many of them no the original
01:18:16
oh what is the original 1994 yeah hair jordan's 19. okay 92 i mean 92 hair
01:18:22
jordans authentic hair jordans they won't take in any they won't take any bid under five grand
01:18:29
yeah i mean so they bid it and probably 10 grand wow the original og 92s
01:18:37
of the sevens right now in my size yeah five grand yeah wow
01:18:43
300 you don't know anything about shoes they're the originals he sang you can buy them now for like 250 bucks yeah but
01:18:50
that but he's talking about the ones from then if you could buy them today yeah you i would never what i mean i
01:18:57
know you buy expensive shoes glassman calls me other than he goes so you want to go in in on it you know
01:19:03
what a magic card oh yeah you've seen these right there and i got magic cards and i go how much
01:19:08
is it he goes well if you and i pull together 100 grand we can get it i go for a card
01:19:14
is that really what they're worth oh yeah wait really magic cards how much are they worth like the prime ones
01:19:21
a hundred thousand dollars for a [ __ ] car what's the most expensive magic card
01:19:28
i'm gonna lose my mind did you ever play magic no did you play magic do you even know what it is yeah these
01:19:34
yeah those are the ones 10 most expensive magic cards yeah these ones
01:19:40
time vault what i don't understand is these are just what is it you use these cards in a
01:19:47
game yeah correct how much is that card oh dude we talked about it three thousand thousand three thousand dollars
01:19:52
oh go down to number one that's why it's going baby number one all right let's see what it is for
01:19:57
number one 250 grand holy [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah what is
01:20:02
that one called the black lotus yeah of course 250 000. what does it add hold on it adds three go up it adds three mana
01:20:09
three mana of any single color of your choice for your mana pool then is discarded tapping this artifact can be
01:20:14
played as an interrupt it's a piece of cardboard this is just this is like nerd porn this is porn i know but that thing
01:20:20
right they read that they're like it's three mana if you get any single color of your choice and a manipulator i know
01:20:26
but if you can i know but if you get a high grade yeah it's 250 grand
01:20:32
i just think like there's no way that's worth that the market it is it is because i saw how long can that
01:20:38
last i saw an antique road show because let me tell you some baseball cards when we were kids or they're going to be so much one day they went down in valleys
01:20:44
it was way better i saw an angel right and this guy had this wife yeah she just went to the team
01:20:50
she's like my [ __ ] stupid husband [ __ ] nerd um over the years she's been buying
01:20:55
these magic you know i mean it's like i want to throw them away but i what are they worth and the dude
01:21:01
what what do they call them nerds no but the guy that uh uh the oh dorks no the
01:21:06
guy that assesses or wieners get that guy right yeah she she opens it up and you could just
01:21:13
see come forming forming on his thing yeah right and he started he started doing you know
01:21:20
made a shake he's like do you you happen to have the original sleeves and
01:21:26
that card was in the thing the black lotus the black lotus and all of the ones that are expensive and where's the
01:21:32
one was he dead no he was just at work probably she stole him she stole it it's like uh she threw in the trash and bring
01:21:37
it to the antique road show and then she left him she took the money she might have [ __ ] that but i can't believe how
01:21:44
much they are about this if any of our fans are into magic cards and you have a valued card we'd love to talk to you
01:21:49
yeah look at that thing we'd love to talk to somebody that has look at how they they curate it like
01:21:55
they handle it with gloves like it's [ __ ] forensics it is yeah it just forensic files
01:22:00
imagine this though if he bends it a little bit there goes 50 grand 50 grand that's when you
01:22:06
that's when you take him down to mexico and put him on a boat if i was a lab guy i would just go behind him and just rip it apart in front of him
01:22:13
yeah and run yeah and run if you guys are into magic the gathering anybody anybody has um 250 grand anybody has a
01:22:20
really cool one that we can talk about we'd love to hear about it and so if i had a time machine or i could go back in
01:22:25
time yeah i would just tell myself because in in the early 90s i think things came out
01:22:31
i would just be like just buy because what a box was back then full of
01:22:36
these cards yeah was probably like 60 bucks right yeah maybe i would just buy just
01:22:42
go to every store and buy every single box and just put it in a [ __ ] closet that's what you do with a time machine
01:22:49
you go right back just for magic cards i would tell myself to buy certain things like certain stocks and stuff
01:22:55
stocks i would do stocks yeah i would do magic cards as well what stock would you buy would you go back and tell yourself to buy probably apple apple
01:23:02
no 100 yeah yeah way back in the day though i do facebook but then i also tell myself you got to sell it at some
01:23:08
point too because zuck is going to lose his mind right zuck zuck is going to lose it youtube probably
01:23:13
google google youtube all that stuff google is youtube now yeah with all and i would just put 100 grand 200 grams
01:23:20
every time i ever had and i would borrow from friends of me like let me tell you something if it doesn't pay off you can physically kill me but how would you do
01:23:25
that because you're a future you're from the future so i it like how old was i when apple stock was like at its prime
01:23:32
probably 40 or 50 or something 45 no [ __ ] you in my 20s right in your 20s right yeah
01:23:39
so i go back in time i would have to have cash to give me you had no money
01:23:44
back then right so how would you do it like you got to buy the stock and i'd be like this is actually a great idea for a
01:23:49
movie you go back in time to tell yourself kind of like how back to the future he goes back and tries to give him the sports almanac yeah yeah but
01:23:55
like this you go back in time and you tell your loser self you're like hey man you gotta go get money to be able to buy
01:24:00
these so the whole movie is about how do i get the money to be able to invest in anything so i can make money it's a really good idea see if like teacher
01:24:06
dumb self how to like rob banks and right right that's so funny that's so funny if you as an adult had to go back
01:24:12
and teach your young self yeah how to get money enough to invest in stocks yeah right would that be you so know the knowledge
01:24:19
you know if you could invest you could be a millionaire but you but you have to convince him oh god
01:24:25
that's pretty cool pretty cool write it up rudy are you tired no yes she is go
01:24:30
ahead and thank everybody and let's get out of here rude yeah thank you for being a bad friend
01:24:35
great
01:24:45
yes [Music]
01:25:00
bye
