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hey hey guys you guys love loved ones loving loved ones is important and Valentine's good Valentine's Day is next
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week and I'll be in Boston if you're not there four shows at the at the big they're doing four shows bring your
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loved ones yeah come out Boston come see me February 14th and 15th and then the week after that in Minneapolis Minnesota
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I'm doing four shows I'm filming my special please come out and see it uh my Hulu special will be taped in the
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Beloved Minneapolis Minnesota go to Andrew Santino docomo tickets Andrew Santino docomo are bad friends who are
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these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
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disgusting you two or something we're bad friends oh look at this this is
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great news Sesame Street welcomes TJ The First Filipino American Muppet finally finally dude dude
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finally finally dude yeah what do the comments say anything
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rude we made it we made it he's studying to be a nurse right somebody said that
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yeah that's so really funny Sesame Street welcomes first nurse nurse puppet here's what I don't get and may may can
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I can I ask you a question yeah about Sesame Street yeah is there a Chinese one y what Elmo yeah no Elmo
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Chinese Elmo Chinese who me me I'm Chinese I'm
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Chinese yeah you know look I can tell you what everybody is just based on it that's oh yeah all right okay let's go that's Ernie right that's yeah that's no
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specific Ernie is 100% he's Puerto Rican Ernie is obviously Puerto Rican oh yeah Ernie Ernie he's okay all right oh is
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this the first uh which one's the
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Muppet which one's the Muppet Asian Muppet her name is G young that that is
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not an Asian Muppet that's not ASI that's not on the show on the show that is on the show that is on the show but
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also that's not not an Asian a little Micha she's Korean she's Korean that girl looks Spanish that looks like a
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Spanish Muppet yeah they didn't want to M you know you know what it is you know at Jim Henson's you know Factory wherever yeah you know the eye
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drawer you got to go back to the eye drawer you know the drawer they use there's our dogs there we are here we go
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this is the OG there the OG crew okay so let's see first up first up is Bert what's Bert Bert Bert's gay yeah I know
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Bert's gay but what he he looks um Eastern European he Slovak Slovakian
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yeah I agree just the eyebrows and then what about Cookie Monster Cookie Monster is Armenian he is is he not yeah broo
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eat your [Laughter] cookie yeah arm medium for sure he
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drives a white Mercedes what about Grover down in the lefthand corner who I've never let me think about
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Grover yeah yeah autism yes he's autistic okay autism right what but
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what's his nationality what is well no no what's his race race I mean yeah what is Grover's race we think I I would
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imagine Spanish fancy exactly dude exactly that's what they like when they callon eyes there
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was a million of those yesy we're going to take a your
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country imagine on the beach we're going to colonize your women yeah go back to
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the original picture yeah this is the most interesting one that I want your advice on because I know you're intelligent and the way that you operate
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is so astute you can always call it out I want to see the picture of the crew okay of all the crew the the original
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Muppet gang okay I got to tell you okay here we go who is well he's not even in
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this I was G to say where Big Bird what is Big Bird Big Bird what is Big Bird
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Big Bird's a bird no dude what okay race is Big Bird I think he might be black is
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it a guy Big Bird yeah yeah who knows right they kind of keep it okay oh what about uh Grover we did Grover not Grover
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what's the what's the brown guy uh the dog to the pop fzy fuzzy fuzzy no not
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the right to the left oh oh uh the dog is uhg what is his name dude yeah right
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there Ral Ralph Ralph yeah Ralph I mean we know what Ralph is we don't even know
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what we don't even need to know what he go ahead man no you go ahead man no you go ahead man I don't know I'm confused I don't know I'm lost you said you know
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what it is I mean he looks um like an adopted black
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kid yeah yeah by a white family yeah the white family look at the way he's doing his hair
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now he wants to fit into the family right so he got him got straightened that's not fair yeah you're right go
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back look at him what about fzy bear see fzy plays Jazz yeah f is dope he's cool
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as [ __ ] he's black yeah and what's the woman uh what about Miss Piggy oh uh oh
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well I mean who is Miss Piggy you think what race would Miss Piggy be I mean if you were talking about anyone trans
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that's I think Miss Piggy Miss Piggy's trans it's got to be trans you think so yeah yeah and so Kermit yeah yeah ker
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ker doesn't have he's like asexual I think he is an a yeah he's an incel
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honestly dude the mind of a man to come up with a world of
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Muppets exactly here's another thing the mind of the people that how do you write a kid a
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song for Sesame Street you and I can do one right now no you can't yeah we can mathematics twice you're already on
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it that's the that's the number two press the record right now yeah yeah
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mathematics three times right that's the number three okay how about this yeah go
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ready yeah I I want to I'm I'm a producer and
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you're a writer yeah listen dude we need to um write a song kids don't know about
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vegetables dude that's right
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that's right dude that Rider like being confused and kind of scared it's funny that's
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right and we need Pronto dude so we all the vegetables as many vegetables as you can and no fruits
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got that Rider got it you got it yeah got it we need in 20 20 days minutes
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minutes you need it right now yeah yeah yeah we do really yeah okay and you're that little Asian writer that you have that I don't know yeah yeah or Mr Li Mr
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L my assistant he's your assistant can you maybe he can help fine yeah I have to get him off he's at s stor right now
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working but I can okay yeah yeah what what is it we have we have a
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line at the store I know dude they can wait oh my God I got something way more important is it we need to write a song about vegetables now you need to we need
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to you don't pay me you owe me you never made me the scent oh that's right that's right all right so make it up ready I
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need the what is it aboutabl celery
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asparagus and spin it down your hatch broccoli broccoli broccoli stop stop
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stop stop for a second broccoli stop stop stop what um if we just do one
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vegetable like per phrase well dude I'm trying to spr be it'll be the longest
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song pot is it a fruit or a vegetable mushrooms mushrooms
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what um okay we're two different kinds of artists dude do you have the song we're ready to
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go yep yeah yeah we're ready bye L Li um yeah okay here we go you ready sir well
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we're we're going to play it live on the show what yeah yeah yeah yeah great yeah and what what Muppet are we going to use
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for this please say Big Bird please say big bir the new one oh oh the Puerto Rican one yeah the Puerto Rican one yeah
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[ __ ] the Filipino the Filipino Pongo Pongo yeah okay head up hi Pongo do you
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have the song for me Pongo do you know your vegetables but you supposed to okay I'll
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read the lyrics mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms that's it cut that's that's
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all you got D that's all we got you gave me 20 minutes uh was that Ellen John on it
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yeah everyone's been we should have been on Sesame Street yeah look at his little perv how about this one pervy smile yeah
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if you see a man in a van don't get
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in if you see a man in a van don't get
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in but if you do get in know your karate and
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Tew but you're little so he's going to get you any
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the sprays ready and the whistle
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blow try to escape if you can and
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you and when you escape the you run and there's 12 of them Chas n a
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r brown but no race specifically no specific race but
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Brown and they have accent but nothing
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specific but they're
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notal no specific race they're not illegal they're here is totally
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legally they're not Asylum
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refugees call us Sesame Street call us we I figured we could make a song for these guys I I got to be honest with you
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dude this new cologne that you got on is so good it's driving me nuts it's getting I'm getting me horny are you
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being real I'm horny from it cuz cuz I go to the scent room it's so I'm so can I take it to the scent room I'm no I'm I
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I don't I keep it a secret from me I'm I'm like you're not I'm your little mistress no no you you got to come with the Cent room I'll buy you a cologne
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it's not about that yeah it is what I like to do my my friend yeah is I like to take a friend usually a woman me yeah
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yeah I'll dress up for you and we'll get to the scent room it's on Larchmont right and then they have clones and
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perfumes that aren't widely available okay I'm going I mean real I'm
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going I'm going to go so I and I give them a smell like I have this one I forgot what was called but it's it
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smells like cow poo oh yes no no be no be real yo M it's not called M it's not
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M yeah yeah I think it is m japanesee yeah but when you spread on your body it changes the chemistry of it right yeah
00:11:05
it does you guys are laughing it does and you smell like sheep poop right yeah it smells like sheep poop after that no
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but um it does smell like a barn right so I I so I'll go I'll go in there and
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I'll go so today I'm feeling like um like okay think of Nirvana whoa or the
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enlightenment both yeah both dude both both niras right right and they go what
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is it I go the band they go we don't know cuz they're younger oh they're kids right right so they think um Taylor
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Swift same kind of thing same audience yeah yeah and then um think Nirvana the
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enlightenment right then also think about um hiking o and also thinking
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think about right [ __ ] fights oh yeah not the penis no no no I explain it
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to him [ __ ] fight birds not penises fighting but the birds fighting F mhm but also penis is fighting that too yeah
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right you can even say that yeah and then go we'll be right back wow and they don't come back for hours you're just standing there in the
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store right right and they come out and they go maybe something else and I go I go no
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Nirvana [ __ ] fights Nirvana hiking [ __ ] fights right you mean the two [ __ ] two
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[ __ ] fights two [ __ ] different kinds of [ __ ] fights we'll be right back another hour passes right and then go here we go
00:12:32
and this is it no this not the one I'm wearing now that's not the [ __ ] fight no no no but that's what I'm saying you and I can go in there like what do you want
00:12:38
to smell like oh okay hoodie and the Blowfish well I'm the guy welcome to the scent room hi I'm deat TR hi deit try
00:12:46
yeah and uh L deit try Li yes wonderful to meet you call me Mr L okay Mr L yeah
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what hi hi what you doing I'm here to buy a scent what were you thinking ooh
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I'm thinking like what my vibe is right now I think well not now okay went for
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another time in the future let's say 10 years from now got it right cuz I know what you're going to
00:13:13
be doing 10 years from now you do oh yeah really and it you're gonna does it look a little bit like
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this no it doesn't no oh I'm in a tomb you're in a tomb dud
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you're a mummy I'm a mummy yes mummy dog you don't know okay my buddy came here Bobby Lee do you know Bobby Lee oh it's
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like my best friend yeah the one that we you mean the cow poop guy if you're going to try to insult my friend while
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he's not here I'm going to have to fight youself well it was very hard to [ __ ] bottle the cowo we had to drive all the way to well then why don't you work
00:13:42
somewhere else we got we did it I'm sorry sir yeah he wanted what he wanted you got what he exactly so what would
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you like sir thank you yeah he told me Bobby said it's a band an activity and
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an animal thing exactly that's right right so let me get my chart out get it out the first thing please the band
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baned yes you ready I have my pen and my paper
00:14:05
sir go to Sephora if this is the kind of energy I just came from there they sent me to you all right they ran out I'm
00:14:11
going to kick you I'm going to kick you out to Sephora the next time you give me a little [ __ ] bite all right that
00:14:18
what I don't like that I said all right I'm Mr L I know Mr treat you with respect sir yeah what's my first name
00:14:26
Ticky Ticky Tempo no my treyy deatria Li Li Li all right sir so here we go I got
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the chart out I have my pen all right and I'm ready and the band Quick Silver
00:14:38
Quick Silver Quick Silver okay mhm it now we have two quick silver just I just want to right we also have um the
00:14:48
Avenger yeah give me a little bit of so is we also have the actual mineral Quicksilver as well I'll take a little
00:14:54
bit of all okay so all three Quicksilver that's all we got okay so and then the second thing please the activity
00:15:00
activity please space docking space docking now we don't have space we have
00:15:05
moon landing now what is that oh yeah I know he brought it back mhm Armstrong
00:15:11
dead God bless he brought it back from the Moon in the 60s if the moon landing was a sexual phrase what is a moon
00:15:18
landing excuse me well you know what space docking is right sir it's when one p is uncircumcised and one circumcised
00:15:25
and the uncircumcised sleeve covers up the circumcision yeah of course that's of course what is a moon landing in
00:15:30
sexual terms moon landing is when um a woman or a man lays on his stomach right
00:15:36
and you get baking powder yeah right and you pour baking pow powder all over his back oh then you got to get your moon
00:15:43
shoes on right got it you got to get the thick ass Moon shoes on the big boots the big boots and I have one from actual
00:15:49
NASA you do yeah when I do my moon landings I have one from N I stole it you jacked it from NASA yeah I only have
00:15:56
one boot okay they're heavy yeah I mean and try to get that boot across that
00:16:02
fence right is that a trump thing exactly a border boot it's it's a border boot ah yeah you don't know NASA's in
00:16:08
Mexico one NASA's in Mexico I don't know if you know that so anyway so I put the one boot on right I put the baby baby
00:16:15
powder and I do the moon walking on that's a moonwalk that's a moonwalk yeah I had this vision of you seen the Rockets when they have to control land
00:16:21
them yeah of like someone with their legs above their head butt in the air and then a
00:16:27
penis oh you do that wow and you know this is a uh cologne perfume store can
00:16:32
we just can we move on thank you I don't know what we're doing quick so yeah so we got the um the Avenger the band would
00:16:40
would you like the moon walking 100% so we put Moon walking the smell okay hey
00:16:46
LIE there's another guy named lie you're Mr Li and his name is lie his first name
00:16:52
is lie his first name's lie can I be honest with you this sounds like a lie it's not and ironically his last name is
00:16:59
my try oh it's reversed I get it so anyway so
00:17:04
and the third thing please oh Li um get the baking powder ready okay so go ahead
00:17:09
okay yeah okay imagine he he does he know what you're talking about you just
00:17:14
yelled get the baking powder ready yeah Moon oh he knows that that's signal for Moon yeah exactly got it so you have my
00:17:20
band my element my Avenger quick silver all three get all three lie and then we
00:17:25
also have um Moon walking lie listen okay and then the third thing please and
00:17:32
the third thing is a what it's an animal event it's an animal event it can be a variety of things okay you mean it could
00:17:38
be a lion the tiger you falor excuse me falor from Never Ending
00:17:43
Story falor we don't have falor I am so sorry we have
00:17:48
cherub you like cherubs you seriously don't have falor we don't have falor no he died ining the movie what yes it's a
00:17:56
little known fact but falor actually Di died you know how Brandon Lee dieded bro
00:18:02
yeah the fake the bullet right right Falco died oh do you remember you know what I mean the Bal Alec Baldwin event
00:18:09
same thing yeah unfortunately you know what I mean it happened again yeah a a dummy gun and there's no guns in which
00:18:16
what's crazy in Never Ending Story there is no guns in the movie there should have been I exactly but there was one
00:18:22
that shot falor anyway he died and lawsuit's still pending take chair I'll take a chair I got to go okay well it
00:18:29
takes well to get the chair up though because we have to actually go buddy can you to Middle Earth honestly can you hurry up I S sir no I'm serious you
00:18:36
think this cherubs here in La I it's your store I don't know what you have back there perol Hilton had one years
00:18:43
ago died Michael Jackson had one right but you know who ate it his monkey bubbles bubbles ate the Cherub wow yes
00:18:51
and it that was a mess because that was my previous job okay cleaning up
00:18:56
massacres on never ending never never- ending rant or whatever it's called NeverEnding
00:19:03
rant falor flew to never- ending rant yes that's how he died yeah that's how he died you're going to sleep over
00:19:09
forever yeah yeah yeah yeah so would you like it
00:19:15
yes sit on our futon I'm on it I know I know I know you aren't but I don't think
00:19:21
you're comfortable I'm very comfortable it's going to take hours I'm here okay I'm going to call my friend Bobby in the
00:19:27
meantime hold on a second okay yeah I'm sorry to get to also what's the price of this [ __ ] you'll see to get to Middle
00:19:33
Earth you're going to check this out
00:19:41
Pegasus Pegasus yes yes you have to go to Middle Earth
00:19:47
again to get a cherub [ __ ] you whoa whoa Pegasus [ __ ] whoa you
00:19:56
shut you're the one that killed falor I'm Alec Baldwin oh
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station what is that is that a train it's a ship station oh it's a station that a ship
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station yeah yeah and you know and you have you ever have a company online we use ship station we have a best in the
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friends wow let me tell you you taking me to the sent store I'm dead serious we're going yeah we're going I literally went to Larchmont yesterday yeah have
00:23:38
you been to the Cent room no I went down there and I ran into our good buddy Andy RoR love him you know the last thing he
00:23:44
said to me what he say my hand to God tell Bobby I said hello no yeah he loves you Andy Andy Richard's like one of the
00:23:50
coolest nicest funniest dudes I've ever met in my entire life smart my hand to the devil just let me see it my my hand
00:23:57
to the devil God bless okay who's Andy RoR are you serious no I'm going back to
00:24:02
my old self I'm going to the self that I was I know who Andy is I love him from 30 minutes ago and I'm going to change
00:24:08
that all right I'm going to shift G wait a minute show up that let bring that picture again yeah oh that's Andy Rick
00:24:13
that's not who I'm talking about what are you think of no I'm just pering your joke so you bought a shirt there no I
00:24:19
went down there to kill some time I bought a shirt and I saw how much the neighborhood had changed uh it's so fun it's it's a great
00:24:27
let's do um a little game called um down Larchmont Lane down Larchmont Boulevard Boulevard okay so a lot of people
00:24:34
listening from all over the world you going to puke I just had an OIC burp god
00:24:39
dude I just had an OIC burp when I see it start I I know you get scared I know PTSD I know I'm fine okay okay so a lot
00:24:47
of people from around the world um if um you're in Los Angeles there's a street called largemont and um it's a great um
00:24:55
neighborhood can we say yeah yeah it's very Midwestern actually in many ways it
00:25:01
feels like everywhere and nowhere at once exactly yeah yeah it can be anywhere yeah it's like never ending
00:25:07
Ranch never- ending Ranch yeah yeah so let's go down Larchmont Lane that's Eric Griffin's dream all you can eat ranch
00:25:15
dressing he does it with a straw a Bobba straw imagine Eric americ Eric got
00:25:20
kicked out of a buffet and they were like he's like it's all you can eat and they're like no not all you can
00:25:26
eat yeah yeah yeah all right you ate a
00:25:31
chair stop all right so anyway um largemont Boulevard so let's go let's
00:25:36
cuz you you recently there you were there yesterday yeah so let's you want to grade our little stores down there let's let's do it all right so there's a
00:25:43
Right Aid uh out of what are we doing what are we doing out of 10 yeah let's go to one through 10 yeah no one through
00:25:49
five is easier one through five yeah there's a Right Aid all right it gets a it gets a four for Supply because
00:25:55
there's always something in there but it gets a two for the fentanyl front door exactly you have to like Duck and Dodge
00:26:00
couple of fentel yes very good that should be in there dou rating yeah
00:26:05
there's a salt and straw salt and straw as I was just about to say you say salt and straw I want to hear your rating for salt and straw you know I think it's
00:26:11
hype I agree do you really van Luen is way better and so is uh I I prefer
00:26:18
basket Robins now you're wrong no I'm not now you're absolutely I'm not what happened to the good old rocky road baby
00:26:26
it's not Rocky and cream B but PE bab first of all McConnell's out of Santa
00:26:33
Barbara phenomenal and Van Luan both better than Salt and STW by a land it's not even close also don't put goat
00:26:39
cheese in ice cream I don't want that yeah yeah and fennel I don't why that okay I might all right what do you grade
00:26:45
the salt and straw number-wise out of five wait are we comparing that salt and straw with all the other salt and straws in general it's a broad spectrum I mean
00:26:51
it's like we can be it's the best salt and straw in the business the one on Larchmont but compared to other ice cream
00:26:57
businesses one one through five a three it's still good okay yeah yeah then next door to that is asop the the the uh oh
00:27:04
dud it's like lotions and dude dude dude let me tell you about asop give it to me five out of five really any asop all of
00:27:11
them dude why do you like them so much cuz that's all I have in my house they do give free samples outside no I buy it
00:27:17
you really yeah yeah I've never bought it once body body the body um wash I go inside I get what I need and I go home I
00:27:24
come little I come with little fill up things and never paid for it God how about the uh how about the uh the
00:27:30
children's uh bookstore there five out of five five out of five five out of
00:27:35
five when I drop off my nephew your NE your nephew yeah he's 24 but he's no my
00:27:41
point also and then there's also a um there's a pet store across the street Tail Waggers Tail Waggers is
00:27:46
right there yeah yeah and I like Tail Waggers it's fine they have my number in the thing me too unfortunately why
00:27:52
because when we used to have the dog over we used to have dog dogs at the dog where do you go now for your dog stuff I
00:27:57
call my cousin oh and I said come to the house and watch the dog because last time we put her in one of those places like healthy
00:28:03
spot yeah she bit three dogs oh she did she bit their face I I was asking like
00:28:09
where do you buy your supplies but you're saying grooming now no no I thought you me I was saying daycare like
00:28:14
to sit the dog if we're going if we oh so they used to go to Tail Waggers for get daycare long time ago oh wow she any
00:28:20
other dogs I have my Vietnamese friend do it and he salivates yeah just sits
00:28:25
there and drools mouth gets so watery it's a it's a discipline for him but anyway no we had to switch no she didn't
00:28:31
bite any other dogs I was kidding she uh hated it my dog [ __ ] hated it they'd be like oh Cubs just goes in the corner
00:28:38
and sits by herself oh don't you hate when that happens I think she gets intimidated by other stranger dogs and so she was like [ __ ] this I'm just gonna
00:28:43
and she just goes sits by herself what are you going to do when he dies she
00:28:49
dies oh my God brutal brutal brutal tears of sadness for
00:28:55
sure long cries long cries long cries anyway let's move on um I'm going
00:29:02
to have her cloned I've looked into the cloning I'm going to do it you know because you know what let me tell you something FR let's
00:29:09
do it I'm going to I want to clone it yeah yeah I want to clone it cuz you can't yeah go ahead 50 Grand never mind
00:29:15
we'll get a new dog also also did you get your dog back it's not your dog it is your dog it's
00:29:21
not the same when you clone yes it is it's your dog from toe to top no but the
00:29:26
but the soul is there from nose to toe I don't whatever but the soul is not the same it's not going to have the same personality it's not going to have the
00:29:32
same it's going to be so similar though it's not going to know my songs oh it's not going to have all my songs all I'm
00:29:39
your dog what song Sing Me song the first song I sing when I get in the house I go sweetie sweetie who's my
00:29:47
little sweetie oh hey hey hey hey hey hey hey and then I pick her up and then she goes oh yeah who's my little sweetie
00:29:56
yeah give me your song I don't I just to do talk you just full talk maybe do do
00:30:01
you do you do oh right
00:30:08
right and they go cuz I'm holding it maybe too tight yeah too tight yeah
00:30:14
yeah you mean but no I love my it be funny to talk to your dogs just like a human like you walk in you're like what's going on man how have you been
00:30:21
right but not giving it any like the inflection of like imagine if you can give them some
00:30:26
intelligence your dog smart no but like to the speaking so they can speak oh like what
00:30:32
could they understand like that you give them you know an 8-year-old's intelligence a little bit more a 15y old
00:30:40
15 14 15 is pretty good no he's going to [ __ ] off Dad that's why it's F yeah I don't want that yeah no I want that all
00:30:46
right my dog's pretty smart dude she made smoking in the in in the room yeah yeah no okay go back to Larchmont lar so
00:30:53
so I'm I'm I'm not done um there's um here's another thing they have a pokey
00:30:59
place and can I tell you about Pokey not into it I'm out dude why okay why why
00:31:05
are you out of Pokey I'll tell you why I'm on a pokey be okay two reasons yeah one fast food Sushi has never been my I
00:31:13
like it I like sushi that they I'm at the sushi joint he cuts the fish I eat it I don't want it's been cut five hours
00:31:20
ago in the morning sits in the cooler then it gets slopped in a bowl with Sriracha mayo not a fan I'm not a fan as
00:31:27
that as as well my I just want fresh I want fresh cut [ __ ] dude yeah dude yeah yeah that's why I've never done like
00:31:33
sushi in one of those like rotary T what's it called timeout but in Japan
00:31:39
those are [ __ ] awesome because they do cut it fresh and they put it on there and it can only go around so many times yeah but in North Hollywood it's on
00:31:45
there for three days three days yeah yeah yeah yeah the Salmon's or green I don't
00:31:52
like it you're like dude in North Ridge it'll rotate for a month and they'll take exactly so anyway so I don't I well
00:31:59
don't like it Pokey out for me I hate going to Hawaii too because like kalila and everyone's always they love let's go
00:32:05
to the Pokey I go no thanks I'm not going to no [ __ ] Pokey man just go to a sushi joint I'm going to go to my alasa Sushi Joint where he slices it
00:32:12
right in front of my [ __ ] eyes anyway let's move on there's a doughnut place called holy Grill donut yeah have you
00:32:18
had it I have now this is where I regress because you bask and Robins the
00:32:23
ice cream thing whether or not you were joking I think shitty Donuts are better than fancy Donuts this whole new fancy
00:32:29
donut thing can [ __ ] off oh man we are in a trouble right now my friend give me Dunkin' donuts over fancy Donuts all
00:32:37
[ __ ] day dude you have no idea Dunkin Donuts munchkins the little munchkins the donut
00:32:43
holes no that's how you [ __ ] dude that's so gross no yeah no this is how I [ __ ]
00:32:49
yeah yeah yeah um dude fancy donut [ __ ] off it
00:32:54
sucks Holy Grail does this it's good no you never had it that I have because if you had ridiculous things wouldn't come
00:33:02
out of your [ __ ] mouth like that it's too much it's what voodo Donuts does too it's like we put all the [ __ ] on no no not voodoo I didn't say Voodoo dude
00:33:08
it's the same [ __ ] is is Duncan warm let's get to the [ __ ] no it's not it's never warm yes it
00:33:15
is no it's not yes it is yeah I go to dunk all the time I'm a dunk dog dude okay anyway bring up holy Grill picture
00:33:21
of their [ __ ] website they look this whole fancy doughnut thing for like eight bucks a dut that ain't it my guy
00:33:28
that ain't it okay let's go to look at the donut I'll give you one better than them by the way you know who you know who tops them who the one uh you don't
00:33:35
even know the name that's how sad it is no I do I do I do I do is phuts I'll take a phut over these oh you like phuts
00:33:41
okay now let's zoom into the what they have here that one says cancer no it's so you get cancer when you eat it yeah
00:33:48
only colon oh that's easy only colon that's very very literal you would from this stuff yeah um oh Chach chai yeah
00:33:56
look at Virgo come on guy Black Sabbath imagine how mad Azie would be if you saw that donut my band is
00:34:02
not shitty Donuts yeah anyway uh let's move on from it no no no let's keep going give me the go to their website
00:34:08
give me the price of these [ __ ] [ __ ] Donuts they're also small yeah they're no I love them give me the
00:34:14
prices what what does this cost to get they're probably not going to show you what are you shaking your head for you never had one before four four bucks a
00:34:21
donut aren't that good what it's too much [ __ ] on it too much shitali for a donut $4 a donut that's
00:34:28
good brother if I go to [ __ ] donut girl the lady by my by my it's cheap that's why it's 65 cents for a donut
00:34:35
it's cheap cheap ingredients what do you think they're using good [ __ ] from Hawaii the [ __ ] they are yeah dude roots
00:34:43
and stuff look up from Hawaii look up Holy Grail Donuts controversy just type that in why just look it up there is no
00:34:49
oh the main controversy surrounding Holy Grail Donuts is that some customers claim the taste and quality of their donuts particularly the tarot based ones
00:34:55
are significantly better when purchased directly in Hawaii compared to locations here in the mainland they're using [ __ ] here not shipping the good [ __ ]
00:35:01
here dude you're it's like saying this gu they're not shipping the good [ __ ] here pal it's like this gold isn't is
00:35:07
better in Hawaii than it's tarot dude is is gold better in Hawaii it is it is
00:35:12
proving my point right you're right it is here's the deal okay there's only certain Supply chains that can get it
00:35:18
right all over the globe McDonald's it's a home run it's a home run places like this they're just they don't have the
00:35:25
infrastructure also you're really pissing me off right thank you yeah yeah yeah thank you what about Crispy Cream what's your opinion on Crispy Cream
00:35:32
better than better than Holy Grail no better than uh
00:35:37
dun yes okay good but let me tell you something about now we're on Earth but let me tell you something about crispy now we're on planet Earth let me tell
00:35:43
you about crispy game the only dut you can have there is the original glaze and that's what I was talking about yeah but
00:35:49
they do other [ __ ] but Duncan do does other [ __ ] and Crispy Cream can't do that yeah because the chocolate glaz
00:35:55
ones of Crispy Cream kick [ __ ] rocks the chocolate glaz of Dunkin' Donuts okay we should do this okay and
00:36:03
but I already know okay we should do have a doughnut taste but I already know right that it's there's such a
00:36:08
difference between a good doughnut and garbage donut he's going to pick the garbage one every time that's not true
00:36:14
to to defend his own point of view right so we can't even have that contest cuz this piece of [ __ ] right it needs to win
00:36:21
rather than accept that he's wrong sounds familiar doesn't it no yeah CU I'm doing my Bobby Lee today and I'm on
00:36:26
it I'm playing Bobby Lee today wow dude you're you want to go go blows or what yeah B go blow no let's go down can we
00:36:34
go down to Larchmont lane or no let's go dude let's continue back on Larchmont Lane make us a shirt that says bad friends on Larchmont Lane okay there now
00:36:41
there's a couple of um so there's the scent room next to Holy Grail but there's another one that's a cologne
00:36:46
it's very it's a chain I forgot what it's was called oh it's labo is there right not labo it's another one di
00:36:53
what's your opinion of dipti love the candles love a dipti candle made here in
00:36:59
the states I like the dipti uh candles I like them they're good I don't I don't
00:37:05
it's you know they're 80 bucks a candle a girl there ghosted me I'm out really yeah call them right now I'm going to
00:37:11
call him no I'm going to call him give me the dip te on Larch man I'm going to call her right now no she doesn't work there anymore what's her name we BL yeah
00:37:17
that was your date spot a candle shop no bro she works there you
00:37:24
[ __ ] how did she goes you if she works there if you don't do I was
00:37:30
kidding I'm lying so am I don't call it's a bit but don't call them why
00:37:36
because I'm not going to say your name or anything okay you really Jesus [ __ ] Christ can I just do a bit
00:37:41
okay I'm calling him but don't say my
00:37:47
name what was your first name lii what was your first name Mr lii did I
00:37:53
try I just want to give you just a little uh something I want to say is my good friend Deitra laac uh was seeing
00:38:01
someone that was working at your store and um or starting a date and she
00:38:06
ghosted him and I just was calling to try to repair the relationship is is does still work
00:38:13
there I'm sorry yes no she has not worked here for over a year well I can
00:38:20
tell you something she kind of did a number on a buddy of mine and I'm just uh I don't know what kind of person she
00:38:25
was personally but I just wanted to tell her myself give her my two cents how we do it where I'm from is that's not
00:38:31
that's not nice and that's not okay and I'm glad that she's not there anymore I'll tell you I would hope and pray she got
00:38:38
fired I am sorry to hear that I have no opinion of her I joined around the time she left great great well have a
00:38:45
wonderful wonderful day you as well bye bye bye handled your business dude why'd you
00:38:53
get so nervous and left the [ __ ] I hate prank call it's not a prank yeah yeah that's not a prank I did not a prank it
00:38:59
was there was a girl there he had no opinion of her he said I wasn't being mean here's my thing I don't like prank
00:39:05
calls either I'm not being mean to him yeah I'm being mean about a character of a person that doesn't exist so I'm not
00:39:11
pranking him I'm just telling him my tale and my tale is something else and
00:39:18
by the way if you're going to prank call at home call somewhere but make up a story that does it's not mean or rude to
00:39:23
them I'm just giving him a piece of my little fantasy laugh mhm do you know what I mean yeah yeah just talk to him
00:39:29
um okay go down Larchmont Avenue now so now so we went to dipti okay and then Cent room okay
00:39:36
there's a card store there's like a paper source or something like that yeah yeah which we like yeah it's fine we could just bring up the Google Maps that
00:39:41
new bakery is pretty good oh no la le yeah leevan best baker in town very good
00:39:48
I had that the other day with the CH the Asians with the Chinese yeah no with me Jean yeah we went to um that Bakery
00:39:57
is the best they have the best cookies in town we love Andrea Jen she's the best okay zoom into there and here's my
00:40:02
biggest beef about this whole thing okay so at the very end of the block there go down south you're there right there at that last intersection which street is
00:40:07
that first first first a First Street and here's my biggest beef about this whole thing okay so at the very end of
00:40:13
the block there go down south you're there right there at that last intersection which street is that first first first a first street so right
00:40:19
there's a Chase Bank on the corner MH right now there's a Buck Mason right there you see it says Buck Mason
00:40:24
clothing store yeah that used to be Larchmont Village um Larchmont uh bakery
00:40:30
or whatever Larchmont CA U Cafe the Larchmont Cafe it was one of the best
00:40:36
coffee and breakfast joints and do you know why they never even heard of it oh it was incred so good it's an Echo Park
00:40:41
now they moved I know but do you know why they got kicked off the street 1800 flow.com Valentine's Day is
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meals.com bf50 off off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box what happened
00:43:02
was the neighborhood someone there's a [ __ ] snitch rat in the neighborhood
00:43:08
and because they were operating whatever hours of the day these people that cuz
00:43:13
right behind them are houses right right was they open late they they were open probably later than the normal place
00:43:18
would be yeah and they were mad so then someone in the [ __ ] neighborhood found out they weren't registered to
00:43:26
have this certain code of restaurant or whatever to like make coffee and sell food and and alcohol or whatever wow and
00:43:32
they got that place [ __ ] closed down after like 20 some odd years ago do we know this person's name no I don't know who did it but I'm telling you if I find
00:43:40
out cuz you took that away from me cuz I used to have coffee there in the morning and right in the corner one of my favorite places to get a cup of coffee
00:43:45
they brewed it there they had the [ __ ] coffee vat things there with the beans my God they're that big they're
00:43:53
this big I had no idea they were that big show him with the bean oh my God show him a bean machine I always thought
00:43:59
they were this big that's what I call my wife's vagina the bean machine yeah show him the bean machine coffee bean uh
00:44:06
roasting machine there it is coffee bean roasting machine roasting machine there
00:44:12
it is that's not it it's the big vet with the beans there
00:44:18
it is oh my God tell me that's not as big as the arm so big dude at that's the
00:44:23
[ __ ] yeah and that's what it makees the beans nice to make me poop yeah by the
00:44:29
way I've realized after like 41 years on this planet I don't think I've pooped without coffee in 20 some odd years no I
00:44:36
don't think so wow I if I don't have coffee I'm not pooping wow yeah me too I think I have
00:44:43
to I have to I I need coffee so bad like I feel I'm serious if I'm on the road and I didn't grab a cup of coffee it'll
00:44:48
be like 2 or 3 p.m. and I'm like I haven't pooped yeah um quick trivia go
00:44:54
what's older the Eiffel Tower or Nintendo Nintendo oddly enough Nintendo yes yeah
00:45:01
how' you know cuz n did you know that yeah Nintendo was started when Jack the Ripper was still uh
00:45:08
operating dude dude that kid at school dude dude
00:45:17
you know that kid you know that kid in school annoying the most annoying kid in school God yeah yeah yeah well did you
00:45:25
guys know did you know this yeah when Jack the rippo was still operating you mean murdering yeah
00:45:33
operating is the weirdest word for a murderer I working I don't know what to say working working no he's not getting
00:45:39
paid that's why I said operating yeah yeah killing people wow yes give me more trivia I
00:45:46
like that's the only one I know well get another one yeah yeah that is that is it's an interesting thing have you been
00:45:51
to the Eiffel Tower I have and rank it out of five out of all the towers I've
00:45:56
been to yeah yeah two right behind the twin yeah yeah no honestly rank it out
00:46:01
of five two for real out of out of oh no it's probably five the one in Vegas is
00:46:07
better I agree yeah the one in Vegas is better iel toar so let down and then you
00:46:13
know and then when you first when you go down large a little further I get a little lost here that's I die down the
00:46:18
pizza joints fine yeah yeah U mulberries yeah M and then there's a creation
00:46:23
Juicery and all that stuff yeah all that stuff do say Jerry Seinfeld he's just on laremont what am I doing on laremont
00:46:30
there's a peach coffee yeah she said go get him oh go get him tiger too so
00:46:35
there's about nine coffee shops it's a good place if you're in LA to go shopping take a walk and take a walk
00:46:40
it's a really nice place parking's a [ __ ] what parking Park in the neighborhood oh that's what you do yeah
00:46:47
okay yeah [ __ ] dude trying to wait for those spots yeah but there's also you know here's the thing about the signs I never know what the signs are I don't
00:46:53
read them you just park wherever I just park and if I get a ticket I get a by the way it's it's not failed me for 20
00:46:59
years in La so you'll Park in a residential thing where it says you need a tag I'll figure it out I almost always
00:47:05
get away with it now where I don't get away with it is meters meters are insane
00:47:11
they got like a gun out waiting for you like yeah you got two two minutes left
00:47:16
you got two minutes but in the neighborhood those guys got a circle so big and look at every tag n you can get
00:47:22
away with it yeah I got towed in West Hollywood ones when I was with at a ladies house but you slept over yes see
00:47:29
overnight is different than during the day oh so ah I got that too wrong yep night time you cannot night time no no
00:47:35
night time why why not no no cuz that's when they're really B that's when they're that's when they have time to get people but they actually tellw you
00:47:42
100% wow cuz they make so much [ __ ] money how much it cost to get your car out $800 or something hundreds of
00:47:48
dollars it's so stupid so makes makes me so mad it's it's it's it's unjust it's unfair yeah that's why I want to do uh
00:47:56
um put the uh you know now they sell you can lock your wheel so they can't tow it have you seen this then they have to get
00:48:02
a flatbed in there no yeah get one of those some guy in New York put a video up about him like lock there was things
00:48:08
you can put around your wheel so you so they can't tow you wow but they flatbed you then they can they can get you I
00:48:14
just created an invention just when you just said that here's my invention dude yeah like a bike
00:48:20
lock right like you like a bike lock right on your t on through your wheel
00:48:27
not through the wheels even like you know the piping below oh boy what I'm going to find out
00:48:33
how little you know about cars there no there's no piping below there is but what piping are you speaking about the
00:48:38
exhaust piping what is that there we go but what is that going to do you put a lock on it on the exhaust that's not
00:48:44
going to help you there's got so when I go underneath a car I I've never been underneath one there we go zoom in yeah
00:48:51
look at all that stuff look at all the chaos down there my friend yeah can I zoom in a little
00:48:57
further my friend further please there's got to be a place underneath that car
00:49:02
where you can stick a lock but what what are you locking up your car to the street he just puts puts a Master Lock
00:49:10
click like a like a gym locker right you C right lock click right and then they
00:49:16
have to they have to have the combo to unlock it I don't I don't yeah okay yeah I'm in I'm on oh they have one of those
00:49:21
things mhm oh I see they just clip it they clip it well they just clip bikes then they do all the the time people get
00:49:27
bikes stol my bike got stolen the first like three bikes I had here got stolen so there's no lock that's
00:49:32
unclippable in human history well that's let's invite invent that let's invent that an unclippable lock unclippable
00:49:40
lock I almost called you yesterday yeah because I was walking on Larchmont okay our favorite I was yeah and I was
00:49:46
talking on the phone to a friend about um the David Lynch documentary that they reposted to HBO Oho it's old right yeah
00:49:54
but I rewatched it cuz I'd watched it when came out yeah dude he said he said something in there made you cry it just
00:50:01
made me feel like what we talk about right with the show that we're give it to me baby give it to me he said I
00:50:07
realized at some point that life was about making art drinking coffee smoking
00:50:14
cigarettes and sometimes a woman gets in there and I was like that's dude that's
00:50:20
all his life was make art smoke cigarettes drink coffee sometimes sometimes get a girl in there yeah yeah
00:50:25
but I'm saying what he's saying to is listen to the order make art first coffee and cigarettes debatable whether
00:50:32
you should I don't think you should smoke cigarettes anymore and sometimes a girl gets in there but when you put the
00:50:37
girl in front of the art are you is this directed toward me no this is universal this is a bro this ly this is David
00:50:44
Lynch yeah what he's saying is when you put girl in front of Art and girl represents not just woman it
00:50:50
represents noise Earth life noise yeah in front of art art bad art go art bad
00:50:58
art wrong but if it goes art cigarettes and coffee yeah yeah and then girl life
00:51:05
art good that's good art good yeah I'm I'm that's exactly what he's saying and
00:51:10
he said it so profoundly you're like is it on HBO it right isn't HBO I think it was HBO they reposted it but so David
00:51:17
Lynch um do you like his movies what do you mean I love his movies what I don't like is people
00:51:27
exactly do you know what I'm trying to say yeah do you I don't think so no yeah
00:51:33
I think they don't understand I think some people like David Lynch because of the abstract nature of film and then some
00:51:40
people like David Lynch because they really believe that um everything was
00:51:46
deliberate I don't get that second part I think some people really like it because not all those films were [ __ ]
00:51:53
perfect quite flawed if I'm being honest a lot of them are quite flawed super subversive and beautiful but like I
00:51:59
think some people like him because they like that it's weird and some people like it because it's a lot of artistic
00:52:06
Choice it's very it's very deliberate is what I mean I'm going to tell you why I like it I'll give you an example of what
00:52:11
I'm trying to say go ahead tell me the example I'm trying to say is I think some people like Tarantino because a lot of his movies
00:52:19
for lack of a better explanation involve violence and very hot heavy fast
00:52:26
throbbing film it's very it's a lot right which is why when someone talks about Once Upon a Time they're like I
00:52:32
didn't like it till the end till there was a lot of violence do you know what I mean and then other people really like it because he's his story the way he
00:52:38
tells story is extremely love that movie I love that movie but it's story it's spefic that's my point is like some
00:52:43
people like Lynch because they understand he's trying to tell this really beautiful intricate story sometimes within within within itself
00:52:50
some people like it because they're like it's [ __ ] Lynch is out there man it's just [ __ ] it's like they're they're just
00:52:55
in fascinating the idea that it's so unique if youve watch a movie like eras
00:53:01
your head right this is the first time and it used to scare me as a kid when I used to watch this movie well it's a scary movie yeah I get scared now but
00:53:09
there's um these gaps between people's conversations yeah and within those gaps
00:53:15
G gaps you hear like some electronical equipment or a buzzing or whatever and
00:53:22
it's so awkward and it's also so um otherworldly almost you know but it's
00:53:28
there is a a fear in there well you hear the you hear the um yeah you hear like the feedback of Stillness how are you
00:53:34
and then you hear and then there's literally a middle will go by pretty good you know what I
00:53:39
mean it's just this weird way of you know and I and I thought you know as a kid I was like I've never seen a movie
00:53:45
like this before you know paced like this yeah when you watch a Lynch movie like Lost Highway even I I don't I don't
00:53:51
understand do you know what that movie is about I have no idea yeah but you're still watching it become because it's just like every scene there's just
00:53:58
something that's completely different and you can't you there's no way you can go like you sometimes you watch a movie go I know where this is going there's no
00:54:04
way to do that with a Lynch movie yeah this isn't like a his his stuff isn't he never worked with Kevin Hart we we yeah
00:54:11
so funny W just you know what I mean it's like the The Rock and Kevin Hart
00:54:16
and David Lynch's oh my God it's just David Lynch's lack of commercialism is
00:54:21
was was very on purpose you know what I'm saying some people were like he's like I got I like it like were you well
00:54:27
were you are you a were you are you a Twin Peaks fan I am yeah so that's a big point of contention a lot of people
00:54:33
weren't I see and a lot of people who were hardcore Lynch people that I know didn't like it and vice versa I know
00:54:40
people who are like didn't really love David Lynch I [ __ ] love to pece so do you know Jack um the guy that played a razorhead can find his last name U Jack
00:54:47
um the actor miof no the guy with the hair burn Nance Jack n so Jack Nance
00:54:54
right was in a razor head but he did was in Twin Peaks he's been in a lot of Lynch movies right do you know how he
00:55:00
died [ __ ] can I guess yeah yeah guess was it autoerotic no it's sadder than that sadder than autoerotic
00:55:07
yeah he died oh oh oh O'Reilly um he died I
00:55:17
don't do give it to me okay so something so he was sing panas he was seeing a porn star okay AIDS and he um he was
00:55:25
shooting a movie movie and he was shooting a movie where like the like it was like um out in the mountain so you
00:55:31
know I mean he couldn't get really good um cell service sell service or it was a phone service okay there was a storm or
00:55:37
something and his girlfriend was going to kill him kill herself right and then
00:55:42
the phone cut off and by the time he you know I mean found she killed him herself
00:55:47
his girlfriend right and then he gave it comes back to LA and he's at a hot dog store somewhere in North Hollywood
00:55:54
somewhere and so gang members beat him to death with a pipe what do they have
00:55:59
to do about the girlfriend killing herself I don't know I just yeah it was a fun little extra you know what I mean thing they beat him to death but there
00:56:04
was a documentary called You Don't Know Jack and David Lynch directed it I think and it's about his life it's so sad you
00:56:11
just go to Jack Nance death yeah or whatever I want yeah I want I might have got [ __ ] it up but um on uh uh Nance
00:56:18
launched with friends Leo bul galani and Katherine case he had a visible Crescent shaped bruise under his eye and when
00:56:25
asked about he story about a brawl outside of Winchell's Donuts love now that's a good donut place store that
00:56:32
morning he went home complaining of a headache Nance developed a subdural hematoma resulting in his death the following morning found his body they
00:56:39
found a body on the bathroom Flo of his apartment in South Pasadena California later that day an autopsy revealed that his blood alcohol content was 0.24 at
00:56:45
the time of his death that's probably did it yeah but initially ruled as resulting from blunt force trauma so right he had a subdermal it wasn't a hot
00:56:51
dog place it was a donut place and then is there any way you can look up his because his check it out it wasn't hot dog place a donut place and he drank
00:56:57
himself to death yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean 024 is [ __ ] insane but this is a guy that
00:57:04
was that's insane not not in anything but Lynch movies he relied on Lynch right and then when he put him on Twin
00:57:10
Peaks it's like saved him for money and stuff like that but like he cuz he was a serious regular on Twin Peaks wow but he
00:57:16
never really you know um Point made it two four do you realize that's isn't that 2% of your blood correct what what
00:57:23
what's the most you've had in your body you think I don't think ever seen you super drunk have you guys you're always
00:57:30
cool like you're still very cool I'm not a well but I I've drank more than I should but I'm I'm never like Dr Jackal
00:57:37
Mr I've never seen you drunk you've never I what I was I showered in the room and
00:57:45
I got out and you were in there after Dollywood oh yeah then that day I was drunk drunk it was pretty drunk oh yeah
00:57:51
that day I mean do you think about like right now do you ever think about drinking like I just not regular day am I thinking about it right now yeah no
00:57:57
like you are you planning on when when you're going to drink next no wow no
00:58:02
incredible that's the difference between you and I yeah yeah yeah I think right I
00:58:07
think you do that right Carlos think about it every morning yeah yeah drinking literally you think about it drugs anything that's what the sick
00:58:14
that's what sucks about having alcoholism it's I don't have it now because it's been lifted from me but it's like I just remember back in the
00:58:21
day you're like you're planning it like at 9: I'm going to do it you know what I mean and you don't do that that it's I
00:58:27
don't I don't I mean I do look forward to it when I am going to do it yeah cuz
00:58:32
I love drinking yeah yeah like I know but I also am at an age now when I know
00:58:37
not like look I'm traveling tomorrow I'm not I don't want to have a drink tonight I don't want to get on a [ __ ] plane
00:58:43
hung over and tired and blah blah blah so like my drinking is very planned now just because of my age when I was young
00:58:48
when I was [ __ ] mone's age it didn't even matter I could get drunk till 3:00 in the morning get on a 7: a.m. flight and not even think about it he can do
00:58:55
that years old yeah yeah but like now as at my age it just s it just sucks like
00:59:02
it's it's beginning to happen my body falling apart my f hands what what wrong
00:59:08
with your F hands why why you laughing you look skinny from this angle thank you thank
00:59:14
you my hands hurt so bad just just hurt yeah I have arthritis so this hurts
00:59:19
really yeah from video games you I don't know what it is well video games right so I bought one of those hand things
00:59:24
those little muscle you stress balls no it's not stress ball it's like one of those no he's talking about like a [ __ ] uh yeah like like a grip thing
00:59:31
yeah exactly grip thing I call a grip thing yeah and uh I've been doing that when I'm watching stuff right but it's
00:59:37
like it hurts so bad when I like just not hurt you just feel the cracking and
00:59:43
the yeah and there's like um there's a little bit of push and pull you what do
00:59:48
you think that could be from cuz you're you're not like a laborer you don't use your hands I don't know I think I'm just
00:59:53
getting to the point where I have now arthritis but it has to be caused from something usual sometimes you just get old and get my grandma has that your
00:59:59
grandma's your grandma you [ __ ] he's 50 years old he's not your grandma's age no but I talk to other comics and they
01:00:05
go I have that too which ones like if I talk to older people like you know like Spade goes my shoulder and Spade's 100
01:00:11
years old oh yeah that's right yeah yeah he died twice yeah yeah he it's unbeliev
01:00:16
no but but let me say this have you thought about taking um peptides or testosterone or any of that stuff hm
01:00:23
have you talk about have you thought about taking testosterone or peptide I want to see there's a couple of things I
01:00:28
want to see a doctor about so I think I think is one of them yeah about about this arthritic condition yeah getting
01:00:33
like injections or something dude do it I get them in my hip you know really yeah yeah cuz I had that I have an impingement on my hip and it makes me
01:00:39
feel so much well that doesn't help yeah so are you not allowed to crack them this just sound like bubble wrap I know
01:00:45
that's what I'm saying it hurts so bad no no no I looked it up one time cracking your knuckles does not cause any that's an old wives tail so it
01:00:51
doesn't cause anything it doesn't [ __ ] it's just air between your knuckles but but it they made you feel when you were
01:00:56
kid like you do that too much you're going to blah blah you know whatever the [ __ ] they you do that too much you might end up gay you know and I was try me Dad
01:01:04
yeah or they say that it's going to give you um murb is going to give you hair on
01:01:09
your palms I shave every morning yeah what was that you're going to get hair on your palms if you jerk
01:01:15
off yeah somebody said that so weird what a and you're going to go blind if you jerk off too much yeah right wasn't
01:01:20
that one of them oh no it was standing in front of the TV too close yeah too close well if you're jerking off with the TV too close you go blind and you
01:01:26
get hairy hands my my dad would make up wise Tails if you watch TV too close
01:01:31
grandma going to die I was like and I was like she died
01:01:37
already you did Mother you enjoy Nick at
01:01:43
night yeah Grandma gonna die because I tell you that one story because of TG so one night I used to stay up late to
01:01:50
watch like if I knew there was like a standup on a Tonight Show yeah so as a kid I would sneak up so we had this one
01:01:56
room where the gigantic TV was and then my parents I could I could hear them come in MH right so I hop behind the
01:02:03
[ __ ] couch and they put in a VCR of a Korean porn porn no way I swear to God
01:02:10
you watch your parents [ __ ] no no no I had to go hi because I I you got to they were
01:02:17
kissing and stuff like on the cheeks and they're likeing closing up who right and
01:02:22
I went hi I got in so much trouble yeah I would the [ __ ] out of you too now this all this golf club thing makes sense
01:02:29
yeah but wait what do you mean what do you get out of here I'd beat you too me and your mom are trying to hook up yeah
01:02:34
but what would it happen if I saw them hook up that'd be way more SC scarring maybe oh you like you
01:02:41
like you know that would have been so bad take it that dick have you ever seen your parents no would that scar you
01:02:48
they've never had sex yes they have no I would that scario oh my God yeah I've never heard I've never heard I've never
01:02:55
seen it I I heard what I thought was it oh my God no but I don't know what you
01:03:00
hear well I was so young right I heard
01:03:07
um yeah yeah yeah yeah but I was such a young kid I don't but other than that no I've never
01:03:13
it never had a I mean my mom walked in on me my mom walked in on me in high school getting a [ __ ] by who this guy
01:03:19
from school yeah yeah Marcos maros no this my high school girlfriend was giving me
01:03:24
head wow and literally my mom walked in and I didn't know what I've said this before on a show yeah I couldn't say
01:03:31
anything so all that came out was closed the [ __ ] door you said [ __ ] yeah
01:03:36
yeah and she was [ __ ] she was like oh my god oh Andro and then [ __ ] shut the door and she y for swearing not in the
01:03:43
moment okay but then I said my did you ever use that kind of language and my girlfriend was so embarrassed she was
01:03:48
like what the [ __ ] dude what the [ __ ] you didn't lock the door and I was like I thought I locked the door and she was like [ __ ] dude I have to walk out of
01:03:55
your house now oh my God that's embarrassing and so then I then we sat there for a second and I was still hard
01:04:00
and I was like you think no really you think you could finish see that's the kind of stuff I might as well come
01:04:07
already busted dude I didn't get that [ __ ] in high school that's what the difference head no I I never hooked up
01:04:12
with anybody you never got had in high school nope never once 23 is when I got laid
01:04:19
what about that guy you blew in high school okay well I mean that's not the same thing D let's wait that's the same
01:04:24
thank you for being a bad friend I mean
01:04:31
wo
01:04:36
woo
01:04:42
woo wo [Music]
