00:00:00
Hello Mike. Hello there mate. We're going over the pond there. Go get beans on toast and then going to Ireland.
00:00:06
Beautiful. Beautiful Ireland. Beautiful. So where are we going first? We're going to go to London, England. London. July
00:00:12
18th, guys. Okay. July 18th. Oo Arena. We'll be in London, England on July 18th.
00:00:19
Dublin, Ireland. Then we're going to Dublin, Ireland. July 19th. We're at the Three Arena. The Three Arena. 300. Yeah. Well, that's a good impression. Thank
00:00:31
you. Give me a good Irish impression. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. That's so good. Say pint of Guinness. Pint of Guinness. That's perfect. Dublin, Ireland, we're coming to see you
00:00:44
July 19th at the Three Arena. Uh, tickets available at badfriend.com. London, England. Tickets
00:00:51
available July 18th at badfriend.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
00:01:04
You two are something. We're bad friends. [Music] [Applause] Andreas, is it your birthday? Happy birthday. I just got that. I'm like,
00:01:26
who? Because how happy. How old are you now? I mean, do how long do porks live? They live a long life. They do. Yeah. Not when they're being eaten by Chewbacca.
00:01:39
I'm trying to stay. Do you remember that scene where he grilled a pork? Yes. What silly game is this? Oh, it's the Mexican
00:01:47
Venus tri. I got to catch it like this. Yeah, it's a Mexican game. Ow. Yeah, Mexican games hurt. Well, I could do it
00:01:54
first try, I think. You think so? No. Ow. Dude, you actually even hurt your hand. All right, let's start from the top. I don't like the way it started. Let's sing the song again. Put the
00:02:06
lyrics up. Phelis Andreas I It's not It's the same words over and over. How did you mess that up? Because they said name in in Spain. It's
00:02:29
Oh, let me Can I have it solo? I want ac capella. I think that's my problem. Spain. Mhm. I'll go fast. No, I want to cut the first chunk again. No, here's my No, it's in Spain. We're doing He's
00:02:40
Spanish. Oh, okay. So, Andreas after 5 years. I'm going to grow. And watch and I I have another sound effect.
00:03:00
You know what that is? A lawn mower. No, leaf blower. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, a happy How old are you now? 45. 45.
00:03:13
God, imagine being 45 as a director and not directing anything. I mean, is there a I mean, what I've
00:03:19
never seen. Wow. There's a few exception. There's a few exception. Be nice to the guy. It's his birthday.
00:03:25
Happy birthday. I mean, you know what? Can I say something? You do the best YouTube videos.
00:03:30
Really? When I see his YouTube, I go, "Oh my god, this should be a criterion." Top notch YouTube. You're without
00:03:37
YouTube, you're not even famous in the last 10 years, Bobby. Whoa. Shots fired. Shots fired. Could I
00:03:45
say something? I'm I came in smiling and a good like that. Where where did that come from? You attacked Andreas on his
00:03:51
birthday. You did on his birthday. Okay. Can All right, fine. All right. But can
00:03:57
I ask you guys Can I Andrew, can I ask you a question? Please name me one movie.
00:04:03
Just let's be factual here. Yeah. Name me one movie that Andreas has directed. What is IMDb? There's actually a lot on there. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Let me look. Andreas Rosende. I am the B. Okay.
00:04:15
I am the B. I am. Oh, you have one. I am the best. I am. Wait, wait. Let me wait.
00:04:21
I want to read his I want to read his Yeah, I want to read it. Read it. Zoom in. Andres is an LA based writer
00:04:28
director from Espa. He received a BA in film studies from Universad Comput of Madrid and an MFA from Colombia University. His film have played at festivals all around the globe including
00:04:39
Khan Stes, Cleveland, South by Cleveland. I want I want a line. I want a line. Go. No, you finish it then.
00:04:46
Cleveland, South by Southwest, Pantasia, the Prior Club, and Elakma Young Director's Night. Andreas Andreas has received many awards including DJ for
00:04:57
Bez Latin short for escape to more than 35 Mr. Beer bear and the fantastic fist maro fantastical gold award for the best future in development
00:05:10
for the turned. Wow. What has he directed? Here we go. Known for known for. Let's go. Known for Bad Friends.
00:05:16
First thing up there. Go look a producer. Bad friends. Bad friends. American Carnage. Oh yeah. That's right.
00:05:22
You produced that. You produced that. Oh, good. Jane Anonymous. The Devil Below. Bad Friends. Bad. Chain of Death.
00:05:28
Oh, Puppet Cop was great. Puppet Cop. Puppet Cop was so underrated. I know. I know. You're under
00:05:35
arrest. I know. I I know. Exactly. What am I being pulled over, sir? Well, you're black. That's all right. Puppet cop. Puppet cop. Great. Underrated.
00:05:46
Green plastic sandals. I'm the red. You thought that red plastic sandals was good. Green. Wait till you see green.
00:05:54
Oh, wait till you see green plastic sandals, right? Going to blow your mind. Uh, Mr. Bear, which is actually the
00:06:00
original of the show The Bear on FX, right? This is just the Spanish version. Mr. Bear. I thought it was a prequel for
00:06:07
to Cocaine Bear. Oh, yeah. Mr. Bear. He had a job before he did Coke. Before Cocaine Bear did coke, he had a job. He
00:06:13
had a family escape. in the Oscar nominated Escape. Escape. Don't forget about snapshots. Oh, how can you forget about snapshot?
00:06:25
That's how we did it. Thank you guys. Yeah. So, very good. Andreas, do you want to say anything uh to defend yourself on your birthday? Happiest of
00:06:31
the birthdays. Thank you guys. Were we able to get you any gifts? Your your presence is a gift. Give me
00:06:38
mone's got some gifts that we'd like to give you for your birthday. Okay. You mean the world to us. Uhhuh. Your work
00:06:43
here is undeniable, irrefutable, and irreplaceable. You are that good to us. You mean the world, and I mean it. Bobby and I wouldn't be where we are without you. I have some words to say, too. Your work
00:06:56
is And your first gift is there. A pinñata. And look at your second gift. A pinata shaped like shaped like what? Let
00:07:04
me look at the face. Can I see the face? Shaped like me. It's you. This is the greatest gift I ever got. All right. Actually,
00:07:15
pretty great. I'm quite excited about this. So funny. Thank you. Yes. [Music] You have to close your eyes. You have to close your eyes, [ __ ] All right. All
00:07:40
right. Stop for a second. Stop for a second. Stop for a second. I broke that. All right. Can I use the stick? I want to do an impression.
00:07:46
Can I do an impression? The best part is he hasn't even dented it. It hasn't even broke a little bit. This way. Guess what
00:07:52
impression I'm doing. Okay. It was a mistake. Alle the baton. Oh. Oh, very good. Very good. All right. Let him finish. I'm doing
00:08:05
Wait, wait. I want to talk about Let him finish. Go ahead, Fancy. I'm doing a Play the music and let him finish. Goofund me for [ __ ] Ala Everett.
00:08:13
Okay. Close your [Music] eyes. Yeah. Yes. [Music] More. Oh, there. There. Yay. Very good, Carlos.
00:08:38
That's the kind of production that we have on this show. The candy couldn't even go inside of it. But I am doing a
00:08:43
GoFundMe on Ala Everett. You broke the vent. It was so strong. I have something serious to say. Jesus Christ. The vent
00:08:50
is broken. Wow. Okay, Bob. Put the guest up there. Put Put broken Bobby up there, please. Very good. There's broken Bobby. Do you
00:09:03
want me to frame him? By the way, they got the eyes right. Fancy, tell me, how did that feel? Did that feel good? It felt so good. That felt like birthday in the last 10 years.
00:09:16
Cathartic, right? Yes. You got something off your chest? Yes, dude. I've never had Mexican gum before. You can't even
00:09:21
chew through it. It's like a [ __ ] What? It's made out of the bottom of a chew. You want to chew my Jolly Roger? I can't chew it. Um, well, here. How about this? Let's
00:09:33
settle some beef the other way. Okay. I'm gonna call somebody. I want my piñata.
00:09:38
I want my Andreas. Get yours. Okay. Do you have an Andrea's piñata, dude? I'll show you what I do.
00:09:45
Finger. Well, let me see if I can get a hold of somebody here. Hello, Fitz. What's up, buddy? Hey, Greg Fitz
00:09:58
Simmons. Uh, here on the Bad Friends podcast. Greg, I'm sitting next to Bobby Lee. Bobby is uh Bobby wants to talk to
00:10:05
you about something. Do you have anything you want to explain? You you talked you called me today and I told him you were awful hurt about something. I didn't get the full story. What What
00:10:12
really happened? No, not hurt at all. I was uh touched, honored that Bobby would
00:10:18
agree to come on. And you know, I do my my St. Patrick's Day show every year. Famous show every year. Greg Fitz
00:10:23
Simmons does an incredible uh St. Patty's Day show. They have Irish soda bread. They have traditional songs, live
00:10:30
music. It's a It's a party. It's beyond a comedy show. It's a party. It really is. And uh I was so happy to promote it.
00:10:38
I went on K-Rock. I went on KTLA. I went on Good Day LA. And I Krock Bobby was nice enough to lend lend his name to the to the show and we got a good crowd. And
00:10:49
uh unfortunately um I don't know what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Missing at the end of the show. Can I tell you what happened? Yeah, let's hear it. First of all, I apologize.
00:11:02
Did you hear that? Of course. Okay. So, um, secondly, did you get my money? Somebody gave me $200. Exactly. I gave it for for what? For the charity, right? Gave it to the bus boy. Yeah. Yeah. And
00:11:13
can I say something? What does that buy? A couple of books. A couple of books. A couple of like, you
00:11:19
know, where you fill out the grades. I don't know how school works, but like a couple of things. Pencils. Yeah. Yeah. And also, um, what are you talking about? Where do you think the money was
00:11:30
going? What's the benefit for? It was It was a benefit for the comedians. I was paying you a bunch of
00:11:37
money. You were getting money to perform it. There was no benefit. It wasn't a benefit for a school.
00:11:43
There was no benefit for a Why did I walk in and see little kids on stage playing the guitar?
00:11:50
Little kids. Well, who's on stage playing? It was like Mary Paul and Mary. I What is it called?
00:11:55
Mary, Paul, and Mary. Yeah, there's two Mary's in that g band. What was there not singing there? Is that Did that th Did that throw your comedy off that much? You couldn't perform because there
00:12:08
was a musical act, but it's just not that. I looked at the back row. There was a lot bunch of older ladies there
00:12:13
and there's like musical PL things going on. I turned to Tim Dylan. I go, you know, I'm just going to give $200 for
00:12:19
the charity and I'm going to bail. So, wait a minute. You showed up to the venue, didn't even perform. You bailed
00:12:25
because of the crowd and because of No, we had No, we He's supposed to headline the show and he just just decided not
00:12:31
to. Wow. But you came all the way there. But did I not go? That's good. Like going is good. Going is good. So, what is it? It Have you not worked
00:12:43
out that 15 minutes of material? Oh, here we go. This is how we're going to do it. Oh, we're going to do this.
00:12:49
wondering how many more times you need to do that 15 minutes before you know it's going to work no matter where you go.
00:12:57
I'm gonna, you know, I'm going to let you have this. Give me another one. Another what? A slam. Another slam. No, Bobby. Look, you are doing so well with
00:13:09
what you've been dealt genetically, mentally, emotionally. I know that you were molested by a intellectually disabled person. I know that you've got a mustache that just won't [ __ ] stand
00:13:22
up and grow. There's a lot of things you're struggling with. So, when you bail out on a show like
00:13:28
that, you let down hundreds of people in the audience. I don't think so. I don't I don't think so. Me, too. Okay. Now,
00:13:35
Fitz, just for clarity, was his name promoted on the show as he was going? Very much so. Wow. Very much so. Yeah.
00:13:40
Yeah. Anything anything for the people that are listening that could have gone to that show? Number one, I'm sorry. I
00:13:47
bought some books for a a cherry that doesn't exist. There is no cherry. Okay. But you did grab the $200, put it in your pocket. That's good. I gave it to the bus boy. He gave it to the bus boy.
00:13:58
Good. Okay. Yes. And that boy bus boy, what's he going to get? Corn. They love They love the corn, right? They like,
00:14:05
you know, making Wait, wait a minute. What is this? Who says he was Mexican? How do you both jump to that
00:14:10
immediately? Was he? He was an He was an American young man. How would Trump how
00:14:16
would how would Trump define it if he saw him would be in a plane to go to call him Mexican?
00:14:24
Yeah. Okay. So, he got, you know, in El Paso. Um, no, look, Tim Dylan was there.
00:14:31
Thank God. He was not supposed to be there and he just stopped by as a friend to support this show and luckily he went
00:14:38
on so he was able to close it out. But um you know it's so funny that you do this because um I I saw his name on the
00:14:45
list. His name is not on the list. Oh yeah, you're right. I think you're right. Well, thank Dylan and I'm sorry. I mean Fitz is one of our
00:14:58
oldest friends. I know. But one of our most loyal gig I had a gig at the Ice House there. Were you not running
00:15:03
behind? We were not running behind. No, we were running. We were absolutely because
00:15:09
there was a show on after us and so we had to promise them we would be done an hour and a half into the after the show
00:15:16
started which we were. I just made a bunch of assumptions and I'm so sorry. I thought it was a charity for kids. I
00:15:21
know I love you. Okay, dude. I love you. I respect you and uh I appreciate you agreeing to do it even though you didn't
00:15:29
but you agreed to and that's the thing that means the most. Okay. The commitment, not the follow through. Yeah. But the verbal commitment does mean a lot. I just got a bad vibe
00:15:40
from the room. You got a bad vibe from a full packed house, a soldout room. Yeah, but there were people on stage singing
00:15:46
folk music. Danny Letterman, they all said that this was the best crowd they've seen in a year. Everybody
00:15:53
destroyed. Everybody can because it was a party. It was a [ __ ] party. It wasn't just a show. It was beyond that.
00:15:59
Okay. Can I throw somebody on the bus? Go ahead. Okay. Oh, and here we go, Greg. Okay. Yeah. I'm not mentioning
00:16:07
Annie or Tim, right? But somebody that was on the show said this. The reason why they laughed so hard is because the music was weird. Who said it? I can't tell you. You
00:16:18
literally just said, "I'm going to throw someone under the bus." I know. So then do it. I can't give me the initials of the comic that said that.
00:16:25
Um TWW. Who was it? Greg. TWW. Tom Wilson. Taylor Williamson. Taylor Williamson. Oh, he wasn't on it. Who?
00:16:37
Who was on the show? All right. Good to see you, Greg. And Greg, Greg, Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin was on the show.
00:16:44
Destroyed. He texted me the next day saying, "Put me put me on that show every year." And I said, "Well, there's
00:16:49
probably space next year cuz uh Bobby has already committed." So, that's an opener right there.
00:16:57
Eric Griffin, Black Irish. Who else was on it? Uh, Tim and Annie. Saul. Saul Trajo. He's great. There you go. Okay, dude. That guy, he's a guy to watch.
00:17:08
He's a star. He really is a star. Yeah, Saul. Trillo is great. All right. Well, then say sorry one more time to our good
00:17:14
friend Greg. I'm so sorry, Greg. I love you. Mean it. All right. You can always be on one of my shows. You can always be on the poster for one. I'll say it in Korean. I'll say open.
00:17:25
Okay, here. I'll say it in Korea. Chingu. No. Yeah. You know what Chingu means? What does it mean? We all know what chingu means. What does chingu mean? You said enough on this show. What does it mean? It's a friend. It's a coin
00:17:37
you use in a Korean spa. It's chingu means chingu. Chingu apologize. Oh, very good, my friend. I don't know. Apology. All
00:17:50
right. Well, we love you, Greg. I'll try to fix him, man. Okay. I love you guys. Work on He's a work in progress. Keep
00:17:56
working on him, Andrew. I will. Bye, buddy. All right. Bye. Why? Why? One of the greatest comics alive. One of the
00:18:03
greatest, most talented. Because you disrespect a legend, that's trouble. That guy's a [ __ ] legend. Greg Fitz
00:18:09
Simmons is a legend. Now, you disrespect somebody else. That's on your terms. You disrespect one of our oldest friends.
00:18:14
Okay. Tough, tough move. He called me. He said, "I was really bummed. I was having a cup of coffee." He goes, "I got
00:18:20
to be honest with you. I was pretty bummed at your boy." I said, "What happened?" And he told me the truth. Well, let me tell you something, and I I
00:18:25
can't even believe you're doing this because I'm going to say this. Go ahead. when I was molested by the guy without
00:18:30
he was in a folk band. Are you being serious? Yeah. What did he play other than your balls? And I saw him perform
00:18:37
on you. No, afterwards after the show. So when I walked in the room, that's why you got with him. You saw him. You were
00:18:43
like this rockstar. I got I got very good. He was very good. Um so folk music has a
00:18:49
a tie. Yeah. And I had a I had a PTSD reaction to the show and I had to leave. Okay. And I gave him $200. You had an MSG reaction. What did you say?
00:19:03
I can't believe you did that. No, I didn't do it. Fitz called me today. He was actually You think it's forever dead with Fitz? Yeah, you're fine. The Shane
00:19:10
thing, you're cooked. I mean, I've heard that. I mean that with every sense of my being. I've heard that through the
00:19:15
whispers of the deep [ __ ] Yeah. And I mean deep [ __ ] A war. Oh, dude. It's beyond a war. Yeah, dude. And I'll lose. What did I say to you on the show? I said, don't do this. Don't go after
00:19:26
Shane. This is a bad idea. I know, but his I said it like five times. Okay. Well, I'll say this. I love you. You're
00:19:33
my part. You're my best friend. You're my dog. Not going to walk into that with you, bud. So, when we're doing the
00:19:39
animation today, we did a little work. We did. You gave me a lot of notes. I liked it. We gave Okay, go ahead and say
00:19:45
it. Say the truth. Yeah. Did it bother you? We did bother me. We did our first session today in the animated movie that
00:19:51
we're going to be in. Yeah. And he um gave me some notes. Andrew did some line readings. Yeah, a lot. That's good. A lot. Every other line. Every other line.
00:20:01
Why do you guys think that is? Andrew's a good actor. Uhoh. Uh oh. Spaghettiio. Um I gave him readings because I wanted
00:20:07
to get him in the mood. And by the way, he will agree. When I said stuff to him,
00:20:13
not line readings, when I said stuff like, "Bob, get jumpy like you do." And you did. And do then do you kill it? This is what he made me do. He goes,
00:20:20
"You're a bat, right?" I go, "Yeah, I'm an ox and he's a bat." Yeah. But then you're like, "Be a bat. Be a bat." So
00:20:26
I'm literally in in I'm going I'm going like this and he goes, "More more like a bat." I was doing this and saying the
00:20:33
lines and he kept going, "That's it. That's it." Was it? I don't know if it is. I think you just make me look like a fool in the window. You guys know the
00:20:40
truth. I brought something out of him just like we do on the show. When he batted, the lines crushed and then everyone in the booth went like this
00:20:46
laughing laughing their [ __ ] asses off. It worked. When you physically emote, when you're sitting there just
00:20:53
doing it in the mic, it's never gonna work. You were emoting like you would in the scene, just like you would if you
00:20:58
were acting. I didn't give you a line reading. I gave you emotional readings. I said, "Bob, do the thing that you do
00:21:04
and then he killed." Yeah. And then he [ __ ] killed the session and then he got us out early cuz he begged the woman. Well, let me tell you. I have a
00:21:10
video I'll send you. I also have a a magical thing that happened to me that it's not really a comedy thing. It's a
00:21:16
real thing. If I may share it. The molestation with the Down Syndrome kid. No, no, no. Yeah, that was funny. That
00:21:23
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Shopify.com/ bad friends. As you know that I just did a movie in Oklahoma City with a bunch of young Hollywood. Name some of the names. No, you can. I don't want to. Why not? That would be a
00:23:55
surprise. You did to me at lunch. You bragged at lunch on the phone with me. Yeah, you bragged at lunch. I like how
00:24:01
he pretends like he's not Mr. Hollywood then he brags. Brag, brag, brag. You bragged. Yeah, today's not good. Happy
00:24:08
birthday. It's not good today. Happy birthday. I feel like being assaulted. I'm liking it. Okay, so
00:24:15
um I was in Oklahoma City. You were? I felt depressed and I thought maybe I should use that. I don't like Right. So, guess what I did? Use I no went to a
00:24:27
meeting. I I took my phone out. I have this meetings app on my phone. Yeah. I went to a meeting. Good. Then I felt good. Then what did I do the next night? I went to another meeting. Good. And
00:24:38
then u there was a kid in the movie that was also sober. I took him to a meeting.
00:24:44
Okay. And then I went to Dallas to do what's his name's show? Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil.
00:24:51
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Phil. And I know you have some feelings about that too that we can share. We can share later. Yeah. Yeah. We can share
00:24:57
whenever. Yeah. Yeah. But um something magical happened. Um I was at a mall. I was planning to go to a meeting, but I went to a mall first to get some shoes. I was walking around and I see a kid and
00:25:09
he has these gigantic throat stab wounds in his throat. Stab wounds? Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:15
Jesus. They're super thick, right? Why are you laughing? It's just insane. How do you know there are stab? Because I
00:25:20
asked him. Oh, are those stab wounds? Yeah. I go, "Dude, what the fuck?" He goes, "Yeah, I you know I when I was super like using I used to stab myself in the neck." And he goes, "But he he
00:25:31
teared up." And he was like, "You got me sober." No, that's awesome. And I go, "What?" He goes, "I mean, you talk about
00:25:38
sobriety." And then um I go, "What do you do tonight?" I go, "Go, how many meetings have you been going?" He hasn't been meetings in years. And he go, "The throat stab guy didn't go to meetings. I
00:25:49
would assume he would be on track." So I go, "You know, you you you're not doing it for you. You're doing it to help
00:25:54
others. Yeah. So I I said to meet me at this random meeting and he showed up. We
00:25:59
sat next to each other and um I think he there was a shift that happened. Why you
00:26:05
smiling? I just think it feels good to hear this. I think this is very important. And then afterwards we um I
00:26:11
sound his body. I knew it. Cuz he wanted a tattoo of my signature. Yeah. Right on the chest. He got a tattoo of my of my of signature on the show. Oh boy. Yeah. And then he got
00:26:22
me two pants. He bought you pants from the store that Yeah, he he works at a store. I go, I like these I I like these
00:26:30
pants, but And so um I don't know, but I didn't get them, but he got me two brand new pairs. And then um Can I say
00:26:38
something? Yeah, I mean this when I say this. I think the work that you do in the sober world is That's not what I'm
00:26:44
saying. Can I just finish? I think it's extremely important and I think there's a ton of people that listen to this show
00:26:51
that either use used to use have trouble have thoughts and I think it's a great world to put our audience in to know that Are you being real right now? Do I sound I thought there's a joke coming.
00:27:03
I'm not. Yeah. Okay. I think it's beans on toast or something. Is there a beans on toast coming? There was. Okay. I know
00:27:10
what. No, I think it's a beautiful important thing to do as a child of addiction. As someone whose best friend
00:27:16
is an addict, whose friend we have a lot of friends that have lost their lives to it. I think it's important that you do
00:27:21
stuff like that. I really mean it. I think it's imperative to the future of people who are struggling to hear you, a
00:27:29
famous guy who who by the way, what you guys are laughing all I'm telling you why the disrespect from Andreas. It's insane. What did I do? I'm being because literally when
00:27:42
you're saying something very sincere and heartfelt and real and I Dude, I felt it. Dude, I'm trying to be real, dude.
00:27:48
I'm connected to you. This is what I see from this guy. You're mocking me. No, him. This is what Andreas is doing.
00:27:56
For like 10 seconds, looking at something, doing a smirk, and I'm going, "What the [ __ ] dude? What I'm saying is
00:28:02
boring, and I don't care." No, I love it. I guess it's boring. You think what? I think it matters. I think it's an important part of life. You know, it's
00:28:08
the same way when somebody comes up to me or emails us and says, "Hey, man. I was going to kill myself last year. My
00:28:14
mom died in June. My dad uh left us and listen to the show makes me feel good." These moments change my life. I think it's [ __ ] important. They make me feel like what I'm doing when I'm
00:28:25
sitting on an airplane and it's 40 minutes late and I'm bummed out and it's freezing and they lost my bag and I'm
00:28:31
going to be late to the thing and I'm pissed off and I didn't eat. I go, "Oh, this is all worth it because somebody
00:28:36
gets joy from our thing." I know what And you give people joy by giving them hope in the process of comedy. I know what you're going to say next. Beans on toast. No, I'm Bobby Mom. Yeah. So, um,
00:28:49
what what I'm saying though is is that not that I did anything. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. I didn't do anything. What
00:28:55
I'm saying is is that I believe that when you make a choice like I'm going to really commit to sobriety, you're open,
00:29:03
right, to situations that you you may be able to help somebody indirectly almost,
00:29:08
you know, I mean, I didn't do anything. I just said, "Hey, dude, let's meet me at this meeting." Right? That's very direct. It is. Yeah. Hey, come with me
00:29:16
to this thing. You're lending a hand. Anyway, we'll move on from the sober community, but I do think it's an important thing. It's not that funny
00:29:23
today, but it doesn't matter. That's not about this isn't this is about us being real. You want to be funny and we'll go back to making fun of Andre. It's easy.
00:29:30
Go for it. Look at that shirt. By the way, I had mone search hell in high water to find Spanish stores. Okay. Go
00:29:37
all over LA. By the way, Digidual Deal, your shirt company that you love so much. Is that a Digidual shirt? It is.
00:29:44
You know that [ __ ] dump is it's closed all over the world. There's like three left just in the US. I have a
00:29:49
question. There's one in Gaza. It's insane how little of them. There's none in the US. Are there no white
00:29:56
strips in Spain? Why are your teeth so yellow? Jesus Christ. There he goes. Is that too much? Is that too much? Oh, it
00:30:02
hit him. That one hit him. I know. Yeah, yellow. You have no real teeth. That's why yours
00:30:08
are so white. There he goes. It's going It's just today. He's hitting you. He did hit me. Yeah. Very good. You know, because it's your birthday, why don't you throw a
00:30:20
couple insults at us? Yeah. Fine. Yeah. Go ahead. No, I love you guys. No. Okay. Are you doing Let me Can I ask
00:30:28
another simple question? Right. You're doing a mohawk Andre Agassi on the side thing here or what? You have to wait a
00:30:34
few hours. I mean, is that what you request in Turkey, wherever you went? It's going to be good. What I want
00:30:39
mohawk like wait for Christmas like taxi driver at the end, right? And then put [ __ ] under cuz it's going to be a
00:30:44
Christmas miracle. Okay. Wait for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. My hair will coming. Just wait for Christmas. Yeah. Look here, my friend. Fancy. Do
00:30:56
you have anything planned with your wife for your birthday? Do you have Do you guys have Fitzy? Huh? You called them Fitzy. Fancy. Oh, okay. Where the [ __ ]
00:31:04
have you been? I don't know. We've been doing this for 5 years. Fancy. We're taking our daughter to Disneyland, so
00:31:09
nothing. Are you really? Unbelievable. You have kids? Oh my god, it's crazy. Wait a minute. Have you already bought
00:31:14
the tickets? Yeah. Not everybody waits until they're 60. Uh, yeah. What did you say? Not everybody waits till 60 to have
00:31:21
kids. Yeah. Okay. Shots again. Have you bought tickets? Sure. Soon. Have you Okay. Can bad friends buy the fastpass for you guys or whatever? Sure. That could be the birthday gift. No. You know
00:31:33
what you needed? You know the irony of that? Chaperon. Oh god. Let's do a chaperon. That's eight grand. Let's do
00:31:39
the regular thing. I thought you wanted to be a chaperone. We would chaperone you. You know what
00:31:45
the funny thing was? My wife literally said that. She goes, "What if they you buy him tickets to take this kid to Disneyland?" I go, "They don't [ __ ]
00:31:50
He doesn't want that for his birthday gift. That's exactly what we're going to do." No, but the chaperon I'll tell you know how it works, right? Not really. Do
00:31:57
you know how it works? I'm not I've never done it. I don't know. We should do it. No, no, no. And I went once and
00:32:02
got the super fast. We did Universal Studios. Universal Studios. And then you didn't show up. Disneyland. No.
00:32:08
Disneyland. I'll tell you how. But wait a minute. We did buy Super Fastpass at at Universal for Halloween Horror Nights. You didn't even show up. You
00:32:14
bailed. Everybody else showed up except for you. I know. Jewels showed up. Yes. And you didn't show up. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:32:20
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um I'll tell Can I tell you how it works? Yes, please. You pay for it. Okay.
00:32:28
Sounds pretty easy. And then you show up, right? And you show up at the log. There's a log cabiny kind of [ __ ] Oh,
00:32:33
sorry. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. Log cabin kind of like a hotely lobby thing. Yeah.
00:32:39
Where there's like, you know, a fire. Very descriptive, right? Yeah. What is this? You're you're like So then a a
00:32:46
lady in that suit shows up and she goes, "Bobby." I go, "Yeah, I'm your chaperon for today." Right. And then you go, "Oh,
00:32:52
where do we go?" She goes, "Go wherever you want to go." I go, "We don't have to wait in line." She goes, "No." Wow. So you can go anywhere. Like if you eight
00:32:58
grand per person? No. For the whole group per family. So you can get a group of 10 and pay eight.
00:33:05
Yeah. Right. And then you don't have to like that roller coaster at California Dreaming. I don't get the Asian ones.
00:33:11
They didn't offer you her. They're too quick. They only had one. Yeah. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. I can't catch up. Yeah. Yeah. Um in the middle
00:33:17
of the ride. Get off the ride. Yeah. Yeah. Um but it's pretty convenient. Well, yeah. If you're if you have enough
00:33:22
money, this seems like this is the move. Would you like this fancy for your birthday if or would you like to keep
00:33:28
your job? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Although we all do it. Although it really to you know that money really took a I took a hit. I mean it's not a cheap experience. Yeah. So you know guys I you know how
00:33:39
about this? How about this though? No, I've never even heard of this experience, but it is. Adam Lavine told
00:33:45
me about it. Yeah, that's why some people don't do it. Yeah. Yeah. Resort VIP tours. Yeah.
00:33:51
Are you richer than all of your friends? Get ready for a day without poor people.
00:33:57
Call 714. I mean, that's literally I would have done it if I wasn't trying to oppress a girl. You two told me that.
00:34:02
That is true. Yeah. Yeah. I And this is the first time I was meeting her son. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, I want to, you
00:34:07
know, me be cuz I've never met the kid before. You told me. And it's a great movie, right? And so like I want to give him, but then he left the lightsaber at
00:34:13
the park and I got mad. It is crazy to think though like that kid's first his first experience is this like like we
00:34:20
have a family friend of ours, you know, my buddy, I'll say it off the air. Yeah. His his sister, their kids have never uh
00:34:28
ridden on a commercial airline. They've only flown private. Wow. They're little kids, so they they have no [ __ ] idea
00:34:34
what it's like to go to an airport ever, right? They have no clue. So like little kids that grow up in this world, they
00:34:39
don't know what it's like to go to Disneyland. Well, this kid, I [ __ ] him up. I think you did. I'm saying because he can never go to Disneyland again. No,
00:34:45
he'll be like, "Where's the where's the Asian woman who tours us around?" Yeah. I want her again. Yeah, because this is this is this is the spoils of the
00:34:51
richest. I mean, this is like that's fancy pants. Look, I could get you some all access wild [ __ ] because now you
00:34:57
know we work for the mouse. But if we go if we go as a group Yeah. If we go as a group with your kids. Yeah. So maybe we
00:35:04
can get to know your family. I've never met them. I know you love you will love that. So absolutely. He has one child.
00:35:10
Just one kid. Oh, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One, two. Doesn't mean you've you've met his wife. She's been here.
00:35:17
I've jerked off to her. Why is that wrong? No. And the whole time. How is that wrong? And the whole time in your mind, see, see, if I said to you, I jerked off to your wife, why
00:35:28
would that be wrong? It's not. It's fine. It's a fantasy. Right. Does that offend you? No. Yeah. What would hurt is
00:35:33
I would never jerk off. Right. Right. Yes. That would be hurtful. Yeah. If you said, you know, the girl that you're
00:35:39
with, never. Now, I I get it. That's a compliment. By the way, at lunch today, you said or at dinner tonight, you said,
00:35:45
"No, no more women. Done. Period. Over. I'm done. No more dating." Are you off the sides? Off the sides. Not doing any
00:35:52
of it. Wow. Do you know why? It's over. That's why. It's not going to happen again. No. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. It's
00:35:58
over. Beep beep beep. Train's dead. I know what the beep beep is about, but it's it's it's [ __ ] over. I'll tell
00:36:05
you why, dude. All right. There's a lot of deception going on. There's a lot of this going on, right? Hey, you want to,
00:36:10
you know, go out this night? Right. And they go, "Yes." And then the night comes, I make reservations and they bail
00:36:15
on the night of the Yeah. where I make reservations, you know what I mean? And I have a whole And then I have to take
00:36:20
the night off of standup, right? Take the night off, right? And then they bail. It's just like, "All right, like
00:36:26
tomorrow night, um, I'm going to a place I'm going to meet somebody very special tomorrow
00:36:32
night." Bong Jun Ho, you're going to meet Bong Jun Ho tomorrow night. Yeah, where, Mr. H? Mr.
00:36:42
Soul. Mr. So, yeah, Bong Jun Ho. You're going to meet him. That's incredible. Where are you guys going to go meet? He's having an art exhibition. And then his producers called me and said, "He
00:36:53
you're invited." and we want you to come. So, um I wish I got stuff like that. You want to come? You can come with me. No, no, no. It's okay. But
00:36:59
anyway, uh what I'm saying is that I'm done with women and um I'm I'm off the sides and um I am feverishly
00:37:08
masturbating, but um you know, I need to stop that. But what are we talking twice a day? No, I've been doing it twice, but
00:37:14
now like every other day now. Every other day. Remember? Because the other day I was doing 14 days in a row. I didn't do it. Remember that? Yeah. And
00:37:21
then um so All right. So, no more women. So, it's just Bong Jun Ho from now on. You can't seek love. It's got to find
00:37:27
you, Bob. I I think that's sin not right. But, um No, I think you're right. I think you're right. I think here's what it is. I think it's just either
00:37:33
going to happen or not. You think so? Yeah. Because it's like also, you know, I swipe all the time on Rya and I get no
00:37:39
hits. Yeah. But that's a f that's not a real website. Every time I see my friends that are on those that Rya one Yeah. that's almost like it's just
00:37:46
Instagram. It's like showing off to for the sake of showing off. I mean, I could even go to my uh I've never met one
00:37:52
person that's dated off Rya for real. Maybe hookup, maybe. But everybody I know, girls and guys, they say the same
00:37:57
[ __ ] I have this fantasy of doing a B friends bachelor edition where like we have women coming to meet with Bobby and
00:38:04
then we do a full show. So that's what you jerk off to. Can we All right. Can we go into some of my messaging at Ryan?
00:38:10
Yeah. And see if I'm doing it right. I thought you deleted it. Oh, no. I lied. I lied. Sorry. 5 seconds ago, I deleted all So let's start. Let's randomly start. Okay. So, I sent a message to
00:38:21
this Alexandra. Oh, that's a long thing. Let me see. And then I don't know if I'm
00:38:27
Oh, yeah. I'm blue. Are you still in LA? Sadly, I am. I go. Why don't you like it? What? Was it good so far? No.
00:38:38
Yeah, it's good. Let's go back. Korean Joker. Um, are doing Korean Joker? Why don't you write it? Yeah. I mean, it
00:38:46
does sound like a murderer. What a murderer would say. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you don't want to stay.
00:38:53
I go, "Hi, apostrophe s." Is that good? No. No. I mean, I don't think so. She goes,
00:38:59
"Hey." And I go, "I sent a message through Insta. If that's cool, nothing." Why? Well, why? I don't understand. Well, why are you laughing? Cuz girls specifically don't like that when they
00:39:10
[ __ ] Wait, why would you do that instead of just continuing the chat there? Because there's no like I I don't really look at my Ray Ryan notification.
00:39:16
Oh, god. Yeah. I mean, sometimes days will go by. I got it. You want to read one? Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:22
Well, hello. Is that me? You said hi. She said, "Well, hello." And then you bailed. Let me look. Let me look. Let me look. Let me look. Why? And by the way, well, this is so long ago. It says this
00:39:34
is 2022. Yeah. Let look at the photo. Let's get another one. No, she looks cute. Okay, fine. Let's get a more recent one. [ __ ] You went back so far.
00:39:41
Yeah. Yeah. All right. How about Ariana from yesterday? Okay. I do live in LA. You live in LA? I do. I try to get out. Are you here? I'm here. Let's communicate. Let's communicate through Instagram. Be
00:39:53
nice. Your game is outstanding. How about another one? That's like my comedy. Hello. Hello. Well, this one.
00:40:08
Hello, everybody. Bluetooth. Let me tell you guys, I'm a 53year-old man, sexually
00:40:13
active, and without Bluetooth, I got nothing. You don't? Yeah, I'm What? No, you do great with that. I know. But what
00:40:19
I'm saying, this really, really does help me, dude. It really does. If I want to get aroused, I want to be, you know,
00:40:24
I mean, ready to be at bat, I go Bluetooth. You dig in and have some Bluetooth. Uh, Bluetooth tablets are
00:40:31
made in the USA, prepared, shipped directly to your door. The best part is take them anytime, day or night, anywhere. Plan ahead, be ready whenever
00:40:37
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00:40:43
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and shipped directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever
00:40:55
an opportunity arises. That's right. You want to get bricked up like Bobby Lee. If you want to get hard as a rock, Yeah.
00:41:01
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additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co/audio. I'll tell you, this one hurts. This one hurts my feeling. Okay, go ahead. She says, "My best friend is a comedian in
00:42:46
LA." Anyway, you have to give me a heads up when your tickets go on sale so I don't miss it. I'll comp you, no pay. How
00:42:53
Asian are you? I'll comp. It's the way you're saying it. Say it. Say it in a southern accent. Ali, no pay. You're right. It's Asian. Yeah, you're right.
00:43:04
Al, no pay. And then nothing after that. She goes, "Oh, thanks. I hope Oklahoma went well for you. That's so nice."
00:43:11
Yeah. Then he didn't respond. Is that recently? March 12th. So that was like a week over a week ago. Let me see. Listen to me. You You screwed up on that one.
00:43:18
Why? Why wouldn't you hit her back and go, "It did go well." Okay. Okay. What's going on? You want to meet Bung Junho?
00:43:24
No. No. Throw that in there. I mean, some of them is hard because she lives in Austin and Oh, then never mind. And I
00:43:29
didn't. And she has children. You got to get over that, dude. You're 52. No, I love it. No, I will. I love kids. Woo.
00:43:35
Yeah, I love them. Don't say that. Yeah. Yeah. I I love the little ones. You love when people have kids. I don't Yeah.
00:43:41
Yeah. I don't have a You have to accept the fact that that's a reality. Like our good friend Nick Christ, he was looking
00:43:47
for love. He's been in and out. He met He fell in love deeply with someone who has a kid. Life is good. Oh, is that who
00:43:52
she has a kid? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. and he's been a wonderful I don't even know what the labels are now, but I
00:43:58
dude, you have to get over the fact you are at an age you are going to meet someone with a kid. What about this though? I I went on a date with somebody
00:44:03
last week and her kids are teenagers, two boys, that's great. And they're gigantic fans of mine. Well, no, but the
00:44:10
good thing she So, she'll go like, "Um, what does um I'm Bobby Ma mean?" I go, "Oh, nothing. Don't Yeah, just call me."
00:44:16
Yeah. Um what's Down syndrome? I go, "What do you mean?" She's like, "Something happened." Like she doesn't
00:44:22
she's not a fan. She gets it all from her kids. Well, but the good news is if they're teens, that means they're going to be 18 and be out of the house soon.
00:44:28
Then you got the house to yourself again. So, you're really just planning. Find a woman with a kid who's 16, 17.
00:44:33
Then you're in good shape. Yeah, but if she's in her 40s, I can't have kids. That's not true. What do you mean that's
00:44:38
not true? Oh, you want to have with kids with her? I want to have kids. Well, then here's the deal, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you go knock up a young
00:44:43
stripper, have a baby? Yeah. Pay the stripper to let you keep the baby. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, No. Meet a woman. That doesn't sound right. You don't want to raise a kid. Oh, so I go
00:44:54
down the seventh veil. I pay the cover. Girls, girls, girls. Oh, girls, girls, girls. Well, tell them at the door. I I
00:45:00
don't want to pay cover. I'm trying to have a baby with one of these girls. Yeah. Okay. And then I go, what do I say
00:45:05
at when during the lap? I'll give you I'll give you 50 grand to have my child and let me keep it and then you don't
00:45:12
have to be involved. This happens on the other way, by the way. There's women that tell men, I want to have a baby with you, but I don't want you involved
00:45:18
in the life of the baby. Why can't a guy do it? You don't need a stripper. You can just do it normal like that. I don't
00:45:23
know if anybody but a stripper would do it like uh for him. The Kardashian woman did it. Who is this? Just by the way,
00:45:31
this is not to say I love dancers. You are well respected. You're respected. You're well respected. I'm just saying there should be I just created an app.
00:45:38
There's an app. No, we created an app. What is it? Women that want to do that. Women that want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please download women that want to do that. No, no. What I'm saying women that want to be surrogates or whatever.
00:45:49
Yeah, it's a surrogate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's a app you can swipe through. They can give it their college education. Mhm. Derides fine. It's
00:45:56
called No Mommy, yes Poppy. Yes. No mommy, yes puppy. Right. And then you go how much? And you, you know, you do, you
00:46:02
know, it's the same. There is surrogacy, right? There is for people that can't have kids. You look at the surrogacy. Same kind of thing. Can you do it
00:46:08
organic though? Implants. You want to have sex with them? Yeah. I don't really I don't feel comfortable with the
00:46:13
squirties. I think it's a little bit of a problem. I'm not going to lie. Right. I don't think they do that. Oh, they don't do that. You got to pay them a lot
00:46:18
more. I would I would imagine extra 25. I think it's more than that. 50 grand. I' I I' I'd say maybe more. Okay. Well,
00:46:25
then no. Okay. Well, or be like Carlos. Get a call girl. Mhm. Get a call girl. No. No. No. But no, no, no, no, no. G
00:46:32
generational trauma. Well, you know, cuz that's what I have for my parents. War, right? Then you'll
00:46:38
match up with someone. Well, yeah. Yeah. You raise a kid solo. How about Or you could take someone's kid, steal Whitney's kid. Oh, yeah. Free kid. Who
00:46:47
else has kids I can steal? Who's got a lot of kids? Is there a comic with a lot of kids? George Kimmel. You don't want
00:46:53
those kids. Those are The boy doesn't lie to me, but maybe the white walkers. Oh, they are. They're already have Asian, so Yeah.
00:47:00
Yeah. Can Can Carlos be my surrogate? Yeah, kind of. Can you carry Oh, should I transition and get a uterus? Can you implant an uterus in somebody and have a
00:47:11
baby with them? You can. Can you really? I don't think so. Yeah. Can you? Can't men have babies now? They're allowed to
00:47:17
legally here. Not how it works. Not in any of the states that I respect. Look, trans men, both biological trans men are
00:47:23
capable of becoming pregnant. Yeah, because you can implant a uterus. No, those are way better. No, no, no. That's bi That's trans men, meaning Yeah, they
00:47:30
have a uterus already. You can't implant a [ __ ] uterus. Oh, okay. Cut it out. Bobby's dream come true. Bobby's dream
00:47:35
come true is just like a uterus in a [ __ ] vacuum in like a tube. Well, in Xbox. Yeah, put a uterus in the back.
00:47:41
I'll [ __ ] the Xbox. God, this guy blowing a schnot. What's going on, dude? Our producer, no joke, is sick literally
00:47:46
twice a month. But I will say, yeah, very, very happy. Very happy with what? That the weather's getting nice cuz I was
00:47:57
traveling around. I come back to LA and I go, "Ooh, that feels good." Feels so good. Sunshine. Dallas felt good. Dallas feels good. Yeah, right. Should we move to Dallas? I know. I love the town. I
00:48:10
love Dallas. Yeah, let's go. You know, I just can't move to Austin. Yeah, I can't go to Austin. No business. Give me a
00:48:15
reason why. Dallas. Austin. Why I can't move there? Yes. Why can't I move there? I keep telling you Vegas, brother. You don't want to live in Vegas. You don't? I mean, I like Vegas a
00:48:28
lot, but I like to visit. I think guests would go there. You don't think it's hard hard life? You don't think you
00:48:34
would have a tough time in Vegas? No, there's probably good AA out there. I know, dude. But there's a lot of a lot of everything out there. I know. There's
00:48:40
everything you've ever wanted there. It's addiction city. It's addiction city, says the kid. It's addiction city.
00:48:50
Like from the kid from Minnesota to nothing. It It's Do the line. It's Addiction City. Yeah. And it's Addiction City. What a [ __ ] [ __ ] you are.
00:49:03
You mean you texted me the other day. I didn't text you back. No, you didn't. Because of the Addiction City stuff, dude. It's that kind of stuff that gets
00:49:08
you no energy. Is that energy? And then you looked at me earlier. You're like, "Hey, Dad." Yeah. And I didn't really
00:49:16
give you anything, did I? No, I will after this. Yeah, I will after this. I'm going to ask you a real question. Oh my god. You've been on the road. You've been working. I'm so bus. How close are you
00:49:27
to doing your hour? No, not even close. Come on. Literally not close. I just extended the timeline. Now it's January.
00:49:35
You're going to shoot in January? Yeah. Oh my god. 2026. No, 28. 26. 26. And you'll put it out the end of 2026. Yeah. They they go, "This is the final last."
00:49:47
I I'll take that. But wait a minute. You're going to shoot it in January. You've got eight months now to prep.
00:49:54
I've got like my clothes are down. Really? Yeah. I have a whole fun closer. That's true. That's crazy. You mean I
00:50:01
just need about 20 25 minutes. I'm I'm getting there. We'll get there. Yeah. This hilarious thing they did. Yeah. I
00:50:06
just didn't see Bobby on the uh bus ad, so I was concerned. Well, because the ads are only for 2025. That's why. Yeah,
00:50:13
dude. What are you trying to do, dude? I was worried that something happened with Nothing happened. The deals is going
00:50:19
Okay. Well, I didn't see your You weren't being publicized by Is Sebastian publicized? They don't really need to.
00:50:24
No, cuz he's in my chunk. Wow. He's in my chunk. You're in his chunk. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can I say something to you? [ __ ] All right. [ __ ] I would tell you that call me
00:50:37
that. Last night Tim Dylan and Marcelo Hernandez. Yeah, he's funny. Tim goes, "Hey, you want to go rappers party?" I go, "What's a rapper party?" "I know a rapper." He's like, "So they take me to
00:50:49
this gigantic in this on Will shirt this gigantic building." The rapper lands with a helicopter. Who's the rapper? I don't know. Love that. I have no idea who it is. Right. But you know who got
00:51:00
recognized the most? You did more than Dylan and Marcelo. Ask him from YouTube. Wow. I got to know the
00:51:08
rapper's party. Who are you calling? Dylan. I just lied to I just lied, man. Dude, what's going on? What are you trying to I just lied. I want to know the rapper. I know, but I
00:51:22
got mad at it. You know what I mean? I got defensive. So, I lie when I get defensive. Well, make up a better line. All right. Yeah. So, you know, I'll tell
00:51:28
you that. What What was You're naming people we know. You could have said Bong Jun Ho and I did crack last night. I don't know how to contact. Okay. All
00:51:34
right. But what am I mad about? I even forgot that. You're mad at Carlos for trying to get in. Is the Bone Who real?
00:51:40
No, you're not seeing him either. No. How am I going to see him? What are you doing?
00:51:48
What mean? I don't know what to say today. I just lying. All right. Yeah. Can I say something? I respect it. The
00:51:54
kid didn't go to FL the meeting. The stab. Dude, you believe that? Those big stabbed moves in the neck. You're great actors at the time. Thank you so much, dude. Oh my god. Yeah. All of it's lies.
00:52:06
Backhanded compliments. You're a great actor sometimes. All right. But um here's the trick though. All of it did
00:52:12
happen. I know it did. So there you go. In your face. Oh, I know it did. Yeah. I'm a mind tricker. I know. Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:19
Tricker. I'm a mind tricker. Yeah. You got to be careful. Okay. Sorry. My bad. Mind
00:52:25
tricker. What's up? What's up, my tricker? What's up, tricker? What's up, mind tricker? This is my neighborhood
00:52:32
tricker. Right. Went and saw my family on St. Patrick's Day. It was fantastic. Tell us more. And
00:52:38
I went out to a little pub. Nice little pub. We went to an old pub in my neighborhood that I grew up in. I posted
00:52:45
a picture about it. The first apartment I ever had. Theo responded to it and goes the first of all, the first three
00:52:50
floors are a is a garage. It's a parking garage. He goes, "Damn, dude. No windows."
00:52:55
Yeah, buddy. Wow. I love him. Wow. It's his birthday today. Happy birthday to Theo. Yeah. And then I trolled around
00:53:02
Chicago with my family. It was very meaningful. It was very wonderful to see my family. I love your family, dude. I
00:53:09
miss them. I wish I could see him more. I don't know how we can do that. Especially if we moved to Vegas.
00:53:15
Is your sister still out there? She's out there. Okay. No. Oh, she live. She's in love. Oh, yeah. That's right. She's in She's in love in Chicago. I like that guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.
00:53:26
Love in Chicago. You know, I love Chicago because the professor, the pizza professor guy. Oh, yeah. We had him at
00:53:32
the Dr. Phil show. We did the Dr. Phil show. I got to be honest with you, the surprise guest was mind-blowing. Who was
00:53:38
it? Chevy Chase. No, my hand of God. Chvy Chase went up on stage. Yeah, it was pretty incredible. And did he do bits? Him and him and uh Dr. Phil, they
00:53:50
talked for a little bit. They did a couple of bits together, but Chvy wasn't going to stay around for a while. I think they made it very clear he was going to hang out. But they played a
00:53:56
beautiful video beforehand of like some of Chevy's greatest bits from different movies. It was pretty emotional. His
00:54:02
family was there. They all were like like loving it. Yeah. And then he walked out there, did a couple of bits with Dr.
00:54:07
Phil and then took off. It was tough to follow. Not going to lie, very happy I wasn't on right after. Who was out
00:54:14
there? It was Normand. Mark. Yeah. Which he killed, but I'm also was like, I don't want to go after Chvy. I don't
00:54:19
want to go after [ __ ] a legend. But Norman went out there. He crushed him. I did mine in Dallas with uh Jamie
00:54:24
Kennedy. Same kind of level of fame. Chvy Chase. It was fun. Jamie's my dog. No, I'll be honest with you. I was dreading it, but I really did have fun. You were dreading because it's nerve-wracking to do live shows like
00:54:36
that. Well, I think the money is what I mean because I had Look at my from my point of view. Yeah. I went from the movie early to Dallas, so I had to wait
00:54:49
three days in Dallas to do that show. Yeah, you were hanging out. So, you have to understand that there's like some
00:54:54
resentment building. You're right. Like, what am I doing here, man? What the [ __ ] Right. For how much? You know what
00:55:00
I mean? And I was just repeating that. But then we'll go to a meeting. I think it would calm down. We went to a meeting to calm down. Yeah. Yeah. And I was meant to go probably to meet that kid.
00:55:07
You definitely were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were. Yeah. Norman was great. We had some lunch beforehand. Mhm. And uh he
00:55:13
was like, "Yeah, piggy back some shows. Did a couple shows at the den. Great venue." I have to say though, um, this Monday
00:55:21
night meeting I go to, I can't say who it is, but he's a gigantic gigantic gigantic musician. Um, so I go to the
00:55:28
Hold on. Dude, do did I ever tell you about my Monday night that I go to? You told me. Yeah. Celebrity one, right? It's not a celebrity one. Okay. Wait,
00:55:34
men's? It's a men's meeting, but it's old rock leg. Steven Tyler. No, he's not in it. Actual. No, we're not doing this. Oh, I know. Slash. What? It's Lash. No, no, it's not. No, it's not. I It's the
00:55:48
anonymity part. I can't say this part anyway. Oats. Okay. Oats. Yes. And Garfuncle. Oats. Garfuncle. The other guy from Wham. Paul. Yeah. Yeah. Um but he's he's literally like one of
00:56:02
the greatest, right? I've been going to this meeting for 20 years. Paul McCartney. Elvis. And I try to look at
00:56:08
him and I and I wore his t-shirt the other day. So dumb. I did. You wore the shirt of the band cuz I want him to even look at me. Yeah. Right. So, I had the shirt and I was doing this sitting like
00:56:20
this and he just would he he's literally direct in my ey line. He won't look over. Well, yeah. Cuz he knows you're
00:56:25
peacocking. Yeah. And then, you know, I made up the story when I shared and got everyone all emotional. Was it going to a rapper's house? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Still nothing.
00:56:36
But anyway, um I don't know why I said that. But what happened to the Monday night meeting that was important?
00:56:42
Nothing. That's what I'm saying. Is there food at the Monday night meetings? No. Coffee and water. Have you ever thought about bringing food for people? What are you going to give? No. Would that be a move? No. That's not a move. I
00:56:55
mean, I can bring cookies. Yeah. Do you bring anything ever? No. No one brings anything. You can make it your own
00:57:00
commitment though. If you want to give more, I'll go, "Hey, um, you could be like, I'll bring my cookies." So, I shared So, I shared the um I shared that
00:57:08
meet that story Dallas and the kid in in Yeah. And it got everyone teared up in the room, of course. It's beautiful.
00:57:14
What is this? Oh, by the way, after all the hate I get, Apple co-founder Steve Wazniaak prints his own custom $2 bills
00:57:20
and spends them. Thank God. Thank god the internet is backing me up. All the people that make fun of me online. All
00:57:26
the times people mock me. The Wazywazy prints $2 bills, Bobby, in your face. It's real. Wow. And he spends them.
00:57:33
There's the W dog right there. Wow. I don't remember the US government. So, by law, these are legal. bylaw. They're legal tender. I have been spending them. You can get arrested for
00:57:44
them. You cannot get convicted because you're in the right. He's printing his own $2 bills and I selling them. I sell
00:57:51
sheets of four $2 bills for $5. And of course, I tell you what you're getting is worth $50. It's worth You'd be an
00:57:59
idiot not to buy it for five bucks. I sell them all over the place. And the Secret Service, the Secret Service
00:58:04
proved these three times. The nerve the nerve of this guy, by the way, printing money. He's one of the richest men in
00:58:11
the world and he's print literally doing he's spitting in the face of poor people. I'm printing money. I'm the
00:58:16
phrase I'm literally printing money. By the way, something is happening by the way. There's a revolution coming. I feel
00:58:21
it. No. No. I'm dead serious. I'm not even kidding. Oh my god. Are you ready? I have seeds. Something's happening. I have seeds and bottles of water. I feel
00:58:29
pumpkin seeds. Something's coming. They're big big dog CEOs, big big presidents are going to get in trouble. People are going to start taking people
00:58:40
out. The doomsday clock has 89 seconds to midnight. We're so close. The world is about to collapse. I had I was in the
00:58:46
desert. I met a guy. He was sweet guy. He said he worked for some company. Not going to say. And
00:58:54
he goes, "Yeah, these other people in my company keep pushing me to get security. They're afraid for my life." I said,
00:59:00
"Why don't you do it? Let's get trailers. Let's get trailer." I'm being real. No one's going to kill podcasters.
00:59:07
Oh, we're not involved. What? I want to be involved. You're wrong. You're not. I want to get a stick. You can get a
00:59:14
stick, buddy. Okay. Okay. Give him the stick with a pinata. All right. No, but really, when you mean revolution, what
00:59:20
do you mean? I think there's going to be an uprising. I think there's going to be an uprising. And I mean this. There's
00:59:26
going to be an uprising of the lower and middle class and they are going to go after the top tier, the guys who own Amazon, who own Microsoft, the guys who
00:59:39
control all of these big monolithic corporations. I think it's I think it's going to happen. But if you see these
00:59:45
town halls now, right, you can see the anger and you're seeing people that normally normally wouldn't protest and
00:59:53
say things just screaming and and and interrupting and you know what I mean? They're they're they're in rage mode. People are people are going to fight back. It's going to happen. So get ready
01:00:04
cuz it's coming. I thought about that. But let's get a trailer. No, no, we're fine. Okay, we got to get seeds. We'll
01:00:09
get the seeds. Okay. I've always wanted seeds and a bees wanted to watch them grow. Yeah, we we'll get some seeds. You
01:00:14
could do that. Can you do it? Can we Can we get seeds though? Oh my god. Awan sells seeds. Great. Yes, we'll buy them
01:00:20
from Awan. No, but we got to get seeds that um I see them on Tik Tok a lot. You see Tik Tok seeds? What are Yeah, like a variety like a variety pack. Yeah. All I see on Tik Tok
01:00:34
now is people telling me that you're fat and you're lazy and you need to get up and make money. That's what all Tik Tok
01:00:40
is all like. You want to optimize your day. You think your day starts when you wake up. By the time you wake up, I've done six jobs. I've had six jobs. I I I
01:00:50
impregnated four women and I tripled my bank account. Yeah. While you're sleeping. That's what I see on
01:00:56
Instagram. Tik Tok now is getting boring. You're two months ago, I [ __ ] searched animals with Down syndrome. And
01:01:03
now I just keep getting like every other one is like koala. You know what I mean? It's crazy. Oh my god, that's an Yeah, I
01:01:11
I know. I I do it. And they're cuter when they have it. Well, the the dog the koala is. Look at the koala with his little fat tongue sticking out. I didn't know that they got down syndrome. I
01:01:22
think they all do. Yeah. Anyway, seeds. Let's go back to seeds. Dude, that's me.
01:01:27
There I am. That's my kid. Yeah. You want seeds? I think there's going to be come come to a time when peak oil when peak oil happens peak oil you
01:01:40
know peak oil when we run out of oil no it's not when we run out we get to the top precipice of where oil right we can
01:01:48
get it and then the demand is going to be too high high because the the the world is growing population wise and we have bigger like um we have empires like
01:01:59
India and China right and so when it We can't have the demand, that's when things start breaking down because um
01:02:07
fossil fuel isn't something that you can just make. It's just there. It ex Well, and then once you're done with it all,
01:02:12
it's not there anymore. We'll find something by then. Well, hopefully. But my point is that after peak oil and then
01:02:18
all of a sudden we can't get blueberries from Mexico or whatever. You know, you don't need them. Okay. Okay. Then you can't get plantains from Brazil. But
01:02:25
look at this. It suggests between 2028 and 2035. I will say we will find a continuation of alternative solutions.
01:02:30
when we were put in a corner, humans do great things. Have you seen, by the way, Japanese are using kinetic energy to to
01:02:38
to now try to um power cities, entire cities. They have these things on the ground that you walk on, just regular sidewalks and by stepping on it right there. That's they're triangles. They're
01:02:49
No, no. Do the one that's triangles down that one. Wow. So, these are these are kinetic energy uh walkways and they're
01:02:56
putting them all over Japan. When they walk, they capture the kinetic energy which turns into electricity powering an
01:03:02
entire city. Amazing. So, the proposition is that this will be all over major cities, New York, Chicago,
01:03:08
Miami, where there's a lot of foot traffic and it will end up powering the city itself. Look, dude, the smartest
01:03:14
people in the world are continuing to work on great [ __ ] I'm not saying I just don't know. I mean, why don't we have it now then? Everything takes time.
01:03:21
They're making it for themselves, though. But Jimmy Carter back when he was president was talking about Japan. He was talking about peak oil back then.
01:03:27
I know. This is a danger. I know. But look, it's not happened yet. We keep putting [ __ ] off. Look, dude. We're all
01:03:34
dead. I got so many microplastics. I know. I pissed a Lego yesterday. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I mean, it's like it's [ __ ] You know, whenever I go to eat sushi now, they're like, "Yeah, you get too much sushi. It's you're going to blank blank blank."
01:03:45
Well, fine. I like the sush. I like sush. I'm going to keep eating poisoned fish from the sea. Drinking this, you're
01:03:51
getting a little microplastic, right? again. What do you What am I supposed to do? Exactly. What are we supposed to do?
01:03:57
Get a well. Get a well. Yes. Dig a well. Yeah. And then there's piss and poop in the well somehow. You see the way people
01:04:03
act in public and I'm like, "No [ __ ] We're fucked." Like what? The way that we Okay, we were going we were going to try to get a car uh to go to the airport and there was um traffic like crazy
01:04:16
traffic cuz they're they're doing something to the expressway again in Chicago. And these people were waiting outside of the hotel to get autographs
01:04:22
from there. The the hockey team was in town and the LA Kings were staying there.
01:04:27
And the way these men would like bump in front of each other and throw each other out of the way to get an autograph from
01:04:34
another grown man, I'm like, "Oh, we're [ __ ] It's we're fucked." Grown men. Yeah. Like I mean, literally fighting
01:04:40
for air time space to have another man sign a piece of paper that most likely they want to sell. They're not going to
01:04:46
keep it and they're not making a living off of this. They're just they just want the satisfaction. But they were like
01:04:51
fighting. I was like, "We're fucked." As a society, we're [ __ ] I've never asked for an autograph, have
01:04:58
you? Absolutely. When I was a kid, when I was a child, I didn't know anybody. Well, you were. You were deprived of all. Maybe the local barber. Look at that. Your autographs are for sale online. There you go. That was someone
01:05:08
you signed at the airport. Yeah, that is that is my signature. Yes. 100%. Yeah. How much is it going for? $67.
01:05:18
Oh, don't laugh. Mine's less for sure. Andrew Santino. $30 is mine. That's 85. Look at Andrew Santino autograph. $26
01:05:26
max. I won't breach 30. 59. 42. I'm less. See? 49.24 cuz it's you and I together. Wow. $30.
01:05:39
Do people buy it? No. Somebody must. It exists. Oh, that's a a $50. What? Just one of our tour posters with all of us or just you and I? Just you and I. Wow.
01:05:51
That's a little offensive. Yeah, it's 15% off. When did they decide to take it down? Well, it's been up for 15 years.
01:06:06
Nice, dude. Dude, dude. Dude, these kids gone. No, can I just say something? That
01:06:11
tone was insane. That was crazy, dude. It's an addict's parents. Yeah, that's what it was. Hey, happy birthday, Andreas. Happy
01:06:24
birthday, Fancy. Thank you. You say it. You say it. Thank you for being a bad friend.
01:06:33
[Music] Yeah. Woo. [Music]