00:00:00
I was in Washington with kalila and we're at a restaurant and the lady next says dies shut up she started choking no
00:00:09
she just collapsed you know I mean and kalila gets up and she's now cuz clouds
00:00:16
and arose so she's doing like compressions on the chest yeah and everyone's calling 911 it's chaos and
00:00:22
kalila looks up and I have my iPad with me and I'm playing candy crush you ready
00:00:30
to start if we already started what are you wearing oh you're doing jokes you're doing a
00:00:38
[ __ ] welcome back to bad friends you're doing a joke no I'm trying to stay protected it's so done what you're
00:00:46
doing right now I have no idea what's gonna happen Bob but you're but you but
00:00:53
you're saying that I'm Chinese I didn't say you're Chinese then why I don't
00:00:59
where's my suit you don't what if I get sick from who from you yeah but you're you're closer
00:01:07
to the [ __ ] racist that's not racist yeah it's like one that one politician
00:01:13
was saying it's the China coronavirus first of all I'm not Chinese but your
00:01:17
clutch clothes it's that close at all because I'm an American I've never even
00:01:20
been there you've been to Korea yeah like ten years ago to do a music video who knows if it started ten years ago
00:01:26
and it just latched on to you and held on for a long time oh you [ __ ] idiot we do have a we can we have can we get
00:01:31
his suit please yeah I don't want one I don't need one you just said we won't
00:01:34
even give me one don't even give me one because the thing is it's a bit you know
00:01:39
he's guys doing some sort of this how this isn't a bit you can do some sort of
00:01:43
like scientist character now about oh I'm just not you the who guy now I'm
00:01:46
just trying to stay safe do you like some of the new art that got put up look behind you beautiful darling you're pure
00:01:52
gold honestly dude you know you guys stop shopping at IKEA no no this short yeah I said let's get first let's go to
00:02:01
Ikea I said the Georgia meatball I said George get some great stuff and he got some great stuff here can we show give
00:02:06
me scissors do you have scissors whoa Idol Bob I spent so long special that time putting that up
00:02:13
I was a target for like an hour and a half yesterday choosing all this stuff target yeah yeah he picked up some great
00:02:19
snow like one of the like top 300 podcasts in the world you're gonna [ __ ] put good at Target let's see
00:02:27
what I mean you do set up all this for one laughs see what happens and now you're embarrassed you're like ah see I
00:02:35
take this suit off or not no I'm gonna leave the chute on but I want to show
00:02:38
you some of the other cooler the roses look at the roses look at that that's a
00:02:42
tapestry does that remind you of home there you go thank you Bob Bob Oh God look at this look at how cute that is a
00:02:49
little wreath look at his flower it's just like that we're in that movie
00:02:52
[ __ ] summer summer what's that movie with the horror movie summer summer yeah
00:02:56
oh my god oh oh that's right look at nose look it knows what does it knows it
00:03:05
knows what it knows it's nothing knows nothing here's another thing dude what
00:03:11
last night what get out of here yell at him or yell at him or give me scissors so I can cut this down right there give
00:03:22
me those scissors so he's got I'm gonna cut it down because I want you to be
00:03:25
honest now look it's a I just want to stay stay stay stay stay stay stay stay
00:03:34
last night I'm at the Comedy Store and so I'm bringing up Chris D'Elia on stage
00:03:39
yeah yeah we do a little banter and he you know so he he makes a scene like from from the audience cuz we're friends
00:03:47
so he makes you know a little banter and like I put a phone call we had or whatever yeah and then afterwards these
00:03:55
these two frat jockey dudes I walk up to me after the show hey what's up bro no they gotta love you
00:04:01
Bob yeah no they don't do that to go you know Chris D'Elia mm-hmm because you'd like to the banter with
00:04:08
them I go [ __ ] [ __ ] he knows me ooh little pitchy [ __ ] you didn't like it that they didn't know
00:04:15
who you were is that what it was it's bad day and they go can we meet him yeah
00:04:19
I'm sort of like now his agent or his like publicist or something well could
00:04:23
you make it happen I did okay I didn't mean great yeah and then then that and
00:04:30
then Bob Saget every time I see Bob Saget now for the last 15 years he doesn't say hey Bobby he didn't say you
00:04:41
know hey how's life this is what he says he always says um what is his opening
00:04:47
line he says um I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on ah well [ __ ] [ __ ] Bob Saget pop not a nudist
00:04:57
[ __ ] [ __ ] hey [ __ ] wears clothes all the time do you realize I got naked on something
00:05:05
that he saw me on you're an exhibitionist for sure you do get naked a lot not as an older man
00:05:10
[ __ ] [ __ ] don't get mad I'm not Bob Saget oh that's right sorry my bad don't
00:05:14
get mad at me here I'll be Bob Saget ready yeah hey Bob one time I [ __ ] Michelle on set uh he
00:05:22
does that on Stein oh he talked about [ __ ] the kids from Full House on stage I know and it's funny though it's
00:05:27
not it's gross yeah it's disgusting those were crazies he did the show with
00:05:30
kids it's creepy stuff I don't like it at all I don't like it I don't like it
00:05:34
he literally goes like and went down Michelle is look at my butt yeah I don't
00:05:39
know who the Michelle is is that a good one that's a little girl it's a little
00:05:41
tiny baby all those wife in the show shows a little water didn't ever what he was gay
00:05:47
on the show oh he was wasn't he gay on the shows a little one Michelle's the
00:05:50
baby dude he used to make jokes about I some dude with the factory a long time ago I don't know if he still does that
00:05:57
stuff he was gay on that show though wasn't he was he it was he now is he gay
00:06:02
now I don't think so he seems no but I think I'm sure he's a nice guy though I
00:06:07
don't know I love it he just oh you don't know I don't know him you know I
00:06:11
love all those old we don't know each other I like him I like Howie Mandel a
00:06:15
lot I don't know him either you don't know he likes what I like Lulu B Andrey Louie
00:06:24
Anderson yeah he's a very interesting man why are you upset right now did you have a bad night last night you
00:06:35
[ __ ] tell me what happened hey [ __ ] [ __ ] did you have a long night last night no I'm gonna tell you something
00:06:40
right now what I say to you privately I don't you don't have to talk about it
00:06:43
come in here yeah is it necessarily stuff and I only told you I already told you that I didn't even want to talk
00:06:49
about nothing we're not gonna talk about it okay but you know you were up all night I was
00:06:54
up all you got no sleep that's all you have to say I had no sleep last night so
00:06:57
you're bummed I'm sorry yeah and do you think it's depleting your immune system and you might get Corona
00:07:04
hey man huh are you gonna keep with this coronavirus stuff it's what's happening
00:07:10
with five people haven't five people have it in LA maybe thousands of people
00:07:17
have it in a planet Earth you know how many people live on planet Earth how many at least 500,000 there's no way
00:07:26
it's a million billions of people that live on earth there's a billions of
00:07:29
people that live on planet earth and it's like um you know if I vote like in in whoo-ha
00:07:34
whoo-ha wherever that place want you know I mean want you know the [ __ ] on it you know the [ __ ] they live
00:07:41
there I'm sorry no the Chinese beautiful Chinese people that live there mm-hmm there's a billion people that
00:07:51
live there if I brought you to a beach right if I brought you a so oh my how many people died from it three three
00:07:57
thousand maybe how many people have died so far in China a lot 3,000 I think upwards of five or six thousand if let's
00:08:05
suppose that's the case that's a lot okay go ahead let's close it but there's
00:08:08
a billion people that live there that's like if I said a on this beach one grain
00:08:14
of sand on this Beach has the coronavirus so don't put your foot on it you would be you would you'd be making
00:08:22
sand castles running around the beach you wouldn't give a [ __ ] bro 125,000
00:08:28
cases for 4500 deaths on yeah you know how many people die from the flu give how many people die from
00:08:37
HIV I don't know a year in fact today did you hear what happened no the second
00:08:42
case ever of HIV got cured in London Oh in the history of HIV the second guy on earth
00:08:48
yeah cured oh so we can we sure we can cure the hip now oh we could free ball that now we can free ball oh [ __ ]
00:08:56
don't use condoms god dude how crazy is that the second guy on earth it's so
00:09:02
funny because it's like all these little cure things happen when I you know so
00:09:07
for instance you know I got in a long-term relationship so no I it doesn't even matter to me what the hip
00:09:14
yeah because I can't free ball up with random women because I'm in a relationship and it's the same thing I
00:09:19
got sober and then they legalize marijuana yeah you want to come back no I can't do any of those anymore
00:09:25
that's good thing though right look this is still a climbing number this is still
00:09:29
gonna keep going you know some of the fans have sent in video saying that they're fighting Corona and they want to
00:09:34
show you how they're fighting Corona can I show you how some of them this is this
00:09:37
is Tevin frame he's fighting Corona his own way yeah here's Tevin let's see what
00:09:42
he has to say okay mmm-hmm what's up bad friends I heard you guys were looking
00:09:48
for a video about how I'm fighting against the corona virus so here it is right now I'm following a strict regimen
00:09:55
of supplements that I take three times a day these supplements include elderberry
00:10:03
syrup vitamin C and locally sourced honey now I know what you're thinking is
00:10:08
good how did these products help me fight against the corona virus in a 24 movie Oh cute dude wipe it I drew this I
00:10:19
don't know but I haven't gotten a corona virus yet maybe I have some natural
00:10:25
ability to understand it tell me what you guys think what a cute young man he's a cute guy
00:10:30
what do you think do you think he's doing all the right things it looked like it this one this is from Keira grey
00:10:36
sounds like a porn star but it's not which looks Russian Russia she says I'm
00:10:40
fighting good on the bonus I've like 15 knives in her pocket I sell I sell bootleg DVD of bad boys
00:10:47
hey guys my name is Kara and I am dealing with the Kona virus that hang out with all the dogs that might work
00:10:54
like beautiful princess and yeah but also I like girls that look like that but also is skin plus a white is
00:11:08
this dog blind she's Chinese does that dog have no eyes oh my God look at that
00:11:14
[ __ ] dog doesn't have no eyes yeah I don't get it look this look oh maybe it
00:11:19
was a China miss hi Chinese this is a who hand dog it's a who hand dog this is
00:11:24
a Wuhan dog oh well yeah you're done but woman dogs when they're alive that's
00:11:29
a good thing that is a good thing this is a Jeremy what does that say LaNasa this guy is in Texas drunk he sent me
00:11:39
this drunk in Texas look what he's doing ready yeah even as his wife or girlfriend said you're disgusting it
00:11:48
cuts it off a look he's looking this table this park bench oh no thanks oh thank
00:11:54
no thank you definitely and this last one is a great song this was sent in by [Laughter]
00:12:01
Griffin this is sent in from Craig Li Shimin a look at this oh how good is that song
00:12:18
it's wrote it we don't know but we have a translator on today's can translate
00:12:23
what is he saying right there some of that stuff it's saying take care coronaviruses around take care
00:12:30
coronavirus around listen the rest of he'll keep trends are you ready yeah [Music]
00:12:37
what does that say rapido perfect let's put it up rapido coronavirus is coronavirus in spanish koruna viedos
00:12:46
except oh he's just saying corona corona corona corona virus okay let's hear the rest ready what is he
00:12:59
saying it's same I have a headache my knees hurt I put my mask on I take my pills
00:13:04
oh no you cut your nuts pop I did man because I used a [ __ ] razor from prison Wow don't do that now you can use
00:13:19
manscape because manscaped has the lawnmower 3.0 and they're third-generation trimmer it has advanced
00:13:24
skin safe technology so you ain't gonna cut you nuts oh the manscaped engineering team spent
00:13:30
18 months perfecting the greatest bald hair trimmer ever created and just released the new and improved lawn mower
00:13:36
3.0 you know I'm not kidding one time I was in the shower and I was shaving with
00:13:40
my old buzzer and I cut the underside of my nuts and I didn't notice that I cut
00:13:44
it and I was showering yeah and it looked like like a like a horror movie I was looking down and there's
00:13:49
blood dripping down my leg I thought I was I thought I had I thought I had hemorrhoids yeah I used to just pluck
00:13:53
them just pluck hairs out he was so painful yeah but now I literally use this [ __ ] man's me too
00:14:00
yeah yeah I use I actually use one on my face and one of my nuts just cuz it's
00:14:03
soft on your face and let's not forget about the charging stand oh yeah you can
00:14:07
you have a charging stand yeah it's really nice look you can you can you can shave your
00:14:12
nuts with a million different things but the manscape tools are the right tool for your tool try it out and get 20% off
00:14:16
plus free shipping when you use the bad codes bad friend at manscape calm once again get 20% off free shipping with the
00:14:23
code bad friend and manscaped calm your partner your pee-pee and your balls are gonna thank you thank you so much for
00:14:30
the translation no really I appreciate it that was some great fancy middle thank you guys for telling us how are
00:14:36
you guys are fighting coronavirus I appreciate it very much yeah but I called my I was gonna try to
00:14:40
think I was thinking I have to go to Denver right now are you canceling shows well I was call I called my people I go
00:14:46
are people canceling or that they're not yet buddy dude like Nikki Glaser just
00:14:51
texted me this morning literally on the way here and was like hey are you around
00:14:54
I'm in LA I'm Kate I've canceled Seattle so and I was like I just I'm about to
00:15:00
sell out Seattle for next month and I think it's all gonna get canceled all that stuff
00:15:04
I think I'm already gonna cancel Houston maybe Ontario I don't know now here's no
00:15:09
on Terry's right here I'll just drive there that's close wait a minute Houston
00:15:16
you're gonna cancel all that stuff I'm scared of what I'm gonna cancel I'm
00:15:18
supposed to go to bought I'm just gonna Connecticut next week yeah I'm but I was calling about Devon
00:15:23
they're like well you know no one else is doing well I mean we cancelled Coachella and all these gigantic
00:15:30
festival I don't see the difference between they go but clubs are fine but but it's still people congregating in an
00:15:36
area it's all the same are you scared be honest be honest I think that if I get it I'm the type of guy that's gonna
00:15:43
die from it why because it might have weak lungs cuz you smoke it's cuz I smoke but you're still healthy well I
00:15:50
don't have like any physical I don't have died about Oh diabetes I notice diabetes and I don't
00:15:56
have um Bobby got burnished I don't have any of those things but I um I think I'm
00:16:01
always on the fence you know like once my doctor always I was always it was always like yeah you're you're on the
00:16:07
fence a but on a lot of things really yeah I don't think so you're not a [ __ ] doctor race I am
00:16:12
yes I am give me your Pole give me a wrist I'm gonna read your pulse come here
00:16:17
one two three four five six nine twelve okay you're fine I I know it works no
00:16:28
but I'm saying I I did the math you're fine you're good are you being real open
00:16:31
your mouth let me see open your mouth open your wide open your wide make a noise go ah perfect
00:16:39
no look at you no training yes I do I took CPR you know I was CPR certified because I was a lifeguard and used have
00:16:48
to go up one and two and three and blow one and two and three and blow and now they don't want you to touch their mouth
00:16:54
you're supposed to just punch him as hard as you can in the chest until they
00:16:57
wake up yeah I'm the type of guy that wouldn't do that like if I'm at a
00:17:01
restaurant if I was if you me you would you'd you'd punt you would push my chest
00:17:05
you would compress my chance there's no way you hadn't try to save your [ __ ]
00:17:08
life I play candy crush or something while I'm dying yeah cuz this actually happened I was in remember I was in
00:17:14
Washington I was in Washington with kalila we're at a restaurant and the lady next
00:17:21
says dies shut up she started choking no she just collapsed you know I mean and kalila gets up and she's now cuz clouds
00:17:31
a nurse so she's doing like compressions on the chest yeah and everyone's calling
00:17:35
9-1-1 it's chaos and Claire looks up and I have my iPad with me and I'm playing
00:17:41
candy crush I'll tell you why I'm not doing because I'm evil no but really
00:17:48
because because it was just so gnarly yeah yeah I had to just like do something else yeah no I get it
00:17:55
and I have another thing that I do I don't really talk about but if I'm on an
00:17:59
elevator and anyone over the age of 60 walks onto the elevator I'll hold your
00:18:05
breath no I'll get off the elevator pure anytime every time why because especially if I'm alone in the elevator
00:18:13
because if this person dies I'll probably just leave yeah you're mean and
00:18:18
because I don't want to I don't know how to call and I don't know what who to
00:18:22
call I don't know what papers to sign I don't know who to interview I got [ __ ]
00:18:27
to do you don't have you don't have to do almost any of that if you died in an
00:18:30
elevator and you're just by yourself you have you can't just leave you would just
00:18:35
go somebody died in there and then they'd show up and then the paramedics help them okay so let's get this let's
00:18:40
play this out okay all right I'm in an elevator yeah old man walks in old man walks in
00:18:47
and he goes hello young man I was in the Korean War oh people always say something like that
00:18:54
or they always say you know I love that Chinese restaurant down the street and I'll be like okay cool dad right
00:19:08
elevator open I call is this the hospital I don't know the call is this hospital well you have to call 911 oh
00:19:21
[ __ ] that nine one one nine one yes no man died what's the address I gotta run outside I gotta look
00:19:34
at the address it's 5 5 4 4 3 what sure what street are we on did a tamper lift
00:19:43
amberlynn what's de California it's California oh [ __ ] out for you cam Berlin 9 9 5 5 4
00:19:51
3 California can Berlin ok well then um and listen we'll be there as soon as
00:19:56
possible can I leave no you have to go back in with the man going right now oh [ __ ] is
00:20:02
that run back end ok I gotta do something I gotta put my mouth in his mouth I'm leaving the elevator to go
00:20:27
back outside I'll probably have a cigarette it's now by this time though sir yeah
00:20:37
you the man they call the police ok what happened the man where is he get with me right now come on let's go Ching
00:20:49
is that him right there there's another guy around the block I don't need your
00:20:54
attitude I'm just trying to find out how this man died when he died did you make
00:20:57
him [ __ ] or poop you caused this man to throw up and have diarrhea inside this
00:21:03
elevator you're under arrest turn around you're under arrest what the [ __ ] that's it that's what happened
00:21:12
that's why I don't want to be in the elevator well that makes perfect sense
00:21:15
that makes perfect sense no look at me Bob I'm being serious I I'm gonna get out of an elevator the
00:21:20
next time I see an old man yeah 65 is a little young though 70 makes 70 you know
00:21:25
what play it safe you know me and it's like I hold my breath that's what I
00:21:28
thought you're gonna say that yeah I don't like the way people smell I don't
00:21:32
like strong smells in a tight space yeah so when I get an elevator people to hotel I go and you hold your breath yep
00:21:39
until I get to my floor Wow I just don't like people smell I don't like to and you know when you
00:21:43
get an elevator and you can smell them you'd smell them yeah yes I do it with a
00:21:49
certain ethnic group I don't want to get into the yeah we should let's get right
00:21:52
into it I don't wanna which ones do you not want to get into it because I don't
00:21:56
get in trouble let me get can I guess if I guess I guess we can play that come with this if
00:22:01
I guess it right you just touch the table once okay black people okay Mexicans okay anybody from Middle East
00:22:34
what about whites only people you don't agents so it's only white people the
00:22:44
only people that you know I don't know why it's maybe I'm like reverse racism
00:22:47
in my mind well uh white smell I'll never forget the line that I'm kidding
00:22:51
you know that oh no no no it's like I don't want people to go crazy what what
00:22:56
Shawn Wayans had a great line in don't be a menace I think it was they were like some I don't know how the scene got
00:23:02
to it but he goes why people all look alike and they smell like Bologna and I thought that was such a funny de smet
00:23:07
and or they all smell like Bologna yeah and I was like do we smell like do we smell like Bologna to me you guys smell
00:23:12
like I remember like um what do I smell like to you you because I think you're
00:23:17
visual always affects the way you smell alright just like food yeah it smells like what you think um to me you're so
00:23:25
Americana to me so when I look at you I smell a baseball glove like the leather of the baseball glove love that yeah and
00:23:33
then mixed in with apple apple pie a little bit and my first attempt I like coffee like a Folgers coffee love candy
00:23:41
yeah yeah and then I also smelled a little hint of the news of a news of a news from hanging yeah from hanging
00:23:51
because I like hanging out hey because I like hanging out three whose you guys white people do do
00:23:59
you think I have do you think anybody in my family owned slaves honestly yeah you
00:24:05
do maybe I'm Irish and Italian you think any of these these people own slaves
00:24:10
I'm not rich from the South I'm not like a rich white guy from the south
00:24:14
I think if you go back maybe a little bit maybe there you have one funky uncle that like you know I mean did some funky
00:24:20
[ __ ] with some funky black people I don't know we do have funky Frankie ah
00:24:24
yeah yeah maybe he did yeah I mean we I guess you know if you there's literally
00:24:28
no history right there's probably some you probably owned slaves your family
00:24:33
probably owned slaves in Korea what door yeah yeah we in Slate yeah they'll know the first of all for sixty
00:24:39
years Japan occupied Korea that's right we were you guys had slaves Oh Koreans
00:24:44
had slaves like who Taiwanese no no we never did we never occupied nobody you never occupied anybody you know we were
00:24:53
oppressed you know we were we're always that's why Koreans are so strong because
00:24:58
you're a survivor and we are resilient people the koreans ever have slaves I
00:25:04
want to know that's insane that you what would you even Google that the Google's
00:25:08
I could even know that slavery in Korea slavery in Korea existed since antiquity
00:25:15
the practice of slavery in South Korea is illegal the forms of modern slavery such as human trafficking still exists
00:25:20
North Korea slavery is practiced by the country's regime yeah in North Korea
00:25:24
yeah yeah well South Korea and media reports the abuse and exploitation of people with disabilities on rural
00:25:30
islands on rural islands they use yes so you guys exploited disabled people on rural Island salt farms in sinan County
00:25:43
and described as slavery [ __ ] you you guys handy look at this you guys exploited disabled people in salt farms
00:25:53
in sinan County and that's in 2015 five years ago so yeah you had slaves you got him still
00:26:00
you take you mentally challenged people and you make them work in the salt farms
00:26:04
what else is gonna do we do it here at McDonald's right here at McDonald's with the fry
00:26:11
guy that's not slavery they pay him oh they do yes they pay the [ __ ] by the way do
00:26:19
you even know what salt farms are I've never heard of a salt farm in sinan County oh it's literally just salt mine
00:26:24
look at how beautiful that facility is oh yeah it looks nice to work everyone so know what there's a little spa in
00:26:29
there this looks nice this looks like a safe nice place to work yeah that looks nice that's a beautiful salt for salt
00:26:35
form in Sinan County's been hewn disco ride dude I didn't know that about her I
00:26:41
apologize on behalf of my people all right we're sinan county by the way oh it's the south south part of South Korea
00:26:47
the most southern south part of South Korea yeah Bobby beaver sold stuff online all the time yeah we're selling online
00:26:57
getting your orders can be a real pain can it not pain in the tush that's right
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get 60 days hey you can get ship station for free for 60 days that's two months
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when you use the offer code bad friends there's no risk start your free trial
00:28:02
whenever entering your card info go to ship station calm click on that microphone at the top at home paid and
00:28:08
type in that friends make ship happen one dimension about all because we're talking about older white people yeah I
00:28:17
always get you know I always get like reformed why old white like really old pie people try to talk
00:28:24
to me yeah like maybe like 40 or 50 years ago they were on the road like yeah so I was at a Barnes & Noble like I
00:28:31
was in Idaho or something yeah to the last the last one I guess yeah and this old lady came up to me and she goes I
00:28:37
was reading him that wasn't reading a book I was like reading a magazine mm-hmm
00:28:42
hello young man and I go oh hi good afternoon what's your reading young man I just you
00:28:53
know my videogame magazine you like watchin ya video game magazines yeah and like whatever the next RPG is coming out
00:29:00
or whatever she gone oh you know my son served in Vietnam very nice and my you know my older brother you know served in
00:29:12
the Korean War and we just loved the food and they just bring up all this [ __ ] like relationship yeah and you
00:29:20
know I love the Hello Kitty's that help you guys these are all complement it's
00:29:30
like hey lady back up all right you don't want her compliments she loves Hello they're not that I it's like I'm
00:29:37
just talked to me normal bra what would normal be that's all she knows no she she could just say you know
00:29:44
oh that's nice golden goose shoes you're wearing she doesn't know if she and I'll
00:29:50
be like oh yeah they're 850 bucks thank you I got him Beverly Hills Beverly here
00:29:57
yeah she's okay hello nice little asian boy I like the shape of your body you
00:30:06
know my brother fought in the war and so did my father yeah and I've got to tell
00:30:12
you they hate you slants but I love you people I think that's baby hidden behind she
00:30:21
what she's trying to say is I'm not racist but she's trying to say like my
00:30:26
history is racist yeah but I'm trying to not be yeah it's nice she's trying she's
00:30:32
an idiot but she's trying yeah and that's why I don't like I don't
00:30:36
them off I'm always like very kind well in those situations because you know I
00:30:41
am you know a living human being living amongst in a society and I am NOT a crazy person because what are you gonna
00:30:49
do you can't teach her you can't be like you can't like oh hey lady that's stupid
00:30:53
and racist cuz she'll go what I know I can't say like hey lady you know I just
00:30:58
be real I've had like 20,000 white chicks like it just nothing inside them yeah yeah so
00:31:04
it's like you know that's a mindset is that like a thing to tell her that
00:31:08
you're like I I know that's a deep down inside I wanted to say that I'm not like
00:31:13
a ching chong 'hey you know me asian guy that you're just like everyone else
00:31:19
yeah yeah okay well look I just think she's trying she's I mean she trucks
00:31:26
she's trying right don't you think don't you give her a little credits why I'm
00:31:29
always nice I mean she made the effort right I remember also she went to her car and then she tried to come to me
00:31:37
because she saw me sitting on the curb outside this Barnes & Noble uh-huh but I
00:31:42
could see her like turn around look at me and like do the thinking like I should tell me what this little change
00:31:49
oh yeah and then she turned around taking forever to get to me right because she was gonna walk in my head
00:31:59
sitting there yeah it's going freaking out yes do you do you find that old peep
00:32:08
are people in general I have a very go ahead and ask me face for some reason dude anyone any anywhere I am in the
00:32:16
country in the world people will ask me for directions or they'll ask me a question about do you know where
00:32:21
so-and-so is and they ask me every time yeah I've never gotten that why do you
00:32:27
think why do people I just look untrustworthy and I look confused okay but if you saw me on the street why
00:32:31
do you think you'd ask me where a thing was yeah because you look like a um oh
00:32:35
no I'm just saying I'm being real I know I'm mister you look like at 1940s
00:32:40
captain of some sort of like ship like a British ship right where are you you just have your face it's like you have
00:32:50
the kind of face like if I was at a hotel like I'm really old hotel like the
00:32:53
shining and I would look at and I would I'm like you have the type of face like
00:32:57
I'd look at an old photo and go and the underneath it says 1929 right right like
00:33:04
you could yeah I've been around for a long time it seems immortal like yo do you think
00:33:10
maybe I'm you think I've lived and died so maybe you're like a Highlander Sean
00:33:13
Connery vibe you have that kind of odd yeah yeah how old do you think how old do you think what do I look like that do
00:33:18
I look like because I just gave you a couple of compliment kind of yes I would like to maybe you know you look like um
00:33:25
if I saw you on the street and I had no idea who you were and I saw your cute little smiley face
00:33:30
give me smile there it is yeah if I saw you on the street doing that I'd go that
00:33:36
looks like a jolly fun man a fun guy who also who also looks a little lost you always kind of look lost because you do
00:33:45
this a lot you turn you walk away and then you turn and then you walk another way I don't think you ever really know
00:33:50
where you're going have no idea which is really nice yeah so I would never ask
00:33:53
you for directions yeah but I'd also go I bet you that guy's great on an
00:33:56
adventure okay I would never follow you into the woods because I think we'd get
00:34:01
lost but not nothing else well I think we'd have good sex but we could do that
00:34:06
otherwise oh no no no no no no oh yeah I don't think you would want me in the woods I
00:34:11
don't think that you would want me survival wise no I you wouldn't want me
00:34:15
like on a deserted I like you and I let's say you and I are playing a plane crash were the only survivors we you and
00:34:21
I end up on a deserted island okay you wouldn't want I would be the last person you'd want there why because I
00:34:26
would have to say you know tribal real quick you try to kill me yeah it like as soon as we got on the beach you'd look
00:34:33
up I'd be completely naked with a spear trying to I'd have like like some sort
00:34:36
of like makeup on my face and I speak the language immediately yeah immediately yeah Wow I'd be all ready
00:34:43
like you know like in Return of the Jedi when they took a han Solo and they were
00:34:50
in the rotisserie the Ewoks oh yeah yeah you've been already in that yeah I mean
00:34:53
so you would kill me you think you'd kill me my whole thing is I think see my
00:34:58
scenarios we crash on an island I'm I have gather and collect everything because
00:35:02
you're laying down your you're finding a way to play candy crush on the sand yes
00:35:08
and no I would need to probably rest because I would honestly like honestly I would be like on the beach like this and
00:35:16
I'd be the first probably sunburn as [ __ ] see I would I would and then I'd be
00:35:20
looking up and you're like chopping things down I'd be climbing a tree get
00:35:23
my coconuts right and I just be Liz Lange and I would probably comfortably in my life like see after two days of no
00:35:32
water and you not doing anything to try to get food for us yeah I would have one
00:35:35
of those nightmares in the middle of the night where I grab a coconut and I smash
00:35:38
it over your head because I think he's got protein I can eat him without a doubt yeah you know I would see you and
00:35:45
I go cuz I'd lose a lot of weight really fast because I knew that I would know
00:35:48
that about you said you I had already three yeah yeah I'd already have the spear ready to go really right over at
00:35:54
the moment I died are you gonna try to eat me I'd probably [ __ ] you first [ __ ]
00:35:59
me in any way when the body is warm yeah yeah me it's still warm so you'd [ __ ] me
00:36:03
because I probably won't have a wormhole for a very long time I can promise you
00:36:07
that when I kill you I won't eat you I won't [ __ ] you yeah oh really I wouldn't
00:36:10
[ __ ] you would it be funny if I thought you ate you and then walked across to the island as a resort just in Maui yeah
00:36:22
I'm in Maui and they're like why is that naked guy with the spear with the big
00:36:25
blood dripping and just like yeah guys have red hairs in his teeth and his dick is out yeah what I would probably do
00:36:35
then in that case I would be like I probably I would say I do plane crash I was on the beach alone and they'd go but
00:36:45
you didn't see the lights from the resort right over the hill yeah but up there like with is there any other
00:36:49
survivors I think no there's no other survivors no no no no I was blood all over you did you my own blood let me see
00:36:55
you don't have any cuts on you at all internal bleeding it's coming out internal blood is coming out
00:37:00
okay well take it to a hospital yeah they're like why is your dick with [ __ ]
00:37:05
on it why is your dick at poop all eyes I have reverse groans oh it comes out like makeup of disease reverse reverse
00:37:14
right and they and the doctors of course would go right we've heard of reverse
00:37:17
price that's when poop comes out of your pee-pee okay so real quick Bob I want to
00:37:22
do a little fun segment this is your bits today I love it I really do like the bits I love your little bits weight
00:37:29
but here but this is not really me it's more this is for you to read don't read
00:37:33
it yet don't read it yet this is uh this is for you guys so you know Andres is
00:37:38
the new is our newbie you know that's with us and he I feel like he's perfect
00:37:44
to read us some of the news headlines of the day and he wrote these jokes Andres wrote all these jokes himself he
00:37:50
wrote jokes he wrote all these jokes but he's not a joke right yeah yes he is
00:37:54
let's listen to some of this stuff so understand I got it now yeah look at it
00:37:57
but don't read it let him read these you can just see what the topics are in case
00:37:59
you can't make out what he's saying because he's you know okay Andres go
00:38:04
ahead okay okay guys welcome back to this edition of malice amigos news I'm and arrow Cindy and here are some top
00:38:12
stories in broken English way old on yeah you got to say it you got a project let's make that this is a segment under
00:38:20
a so you got to go welcome back to this edition of malice amigos news I'm Andres result and heroes
00:38:26
yeah you're a news person news person imagine this is live yeah we're hiring
00:38:31
you yeah we're hiring you man so they so if you want a job let's go alright here
00:38:35
we go let's let's be camera but let's pretend a world show alright guys get
00:38:38
the cameras go are the sound every wound up and so and five four three two dress
00:38:49
welcome back to this edition of malice amigas nurse I'm a better person then
00:38:54
here are some top stories in broken English Harvey once then fell and hit his head in jail while trying to walk
00:39:01
rather than use his wheelchair but at least now his head will be throbbing and not his bath butthole really so Harvey
00:39:12
Weinstein hit his head and fell in jail did you know that no that's a real thing
00:39:15
and they gave him 26 years today in prison oh he's done he's done yeah yeah
00:39:20
he's did lawyer said he's not gonna last five years they go he'll never last five
00:39:23
years and the judge was like too bad 26 and he's in Rikers Island bro Rikers
00:39:28
Island oh my I met dude imagine he's done I mean but it's them that like it's
00:39:34
like imagine owning Miramax yeah you're the top guy like Brad Pitt everybody
00:39:40
wants to be around you every celebrity ever worked with you you're the king George Clooney Ben Affleck Matt Damon
00:39:46
all the everybody everybody and you just he just you know why would you rape wise
00:39:52
rape in your head isn't that weird all that power and he had to write I would
00:39:56
[ __ ] just wouldn't you just get hookers with all that money I would just define
00:40:00
the hottest girl on planet earth I mean you could get uh-huh right and just go that's it yeah I'm a billionaire I'm a
00:40:08
billionaire Hey and then you can maybe cheat on the side and have mistresses even if look at it like this even if the
00:40:15
hottest girl was like I still don't to have sex with you and you're that rich
00:40:17
just by prostitutes I would buy them for the rest of my life that you could buy the hottest girls in the war planet and
00:40:25
you could pay them just to hang out I know I don't get it all right let's go
00:40:28
to the next Joe come on overhead loud and go projected low energy energy you're not loud enough energy yeah
00:40:34
conspiracy theorists go go ahead conspiracy theories Alex Jones got a DUI in Texas and even though he blew under
00:40:43
the legal limit he called the cops Gail is her so they had to book him they know
00:40:49
it's book him Danno book him Danno book him Danno was from the movie no it's from Hawaii five-o
00:40:59
y500 welcome Dan ow yeah Alex Jones got a DUI in Texas he blew under the legal limit do you know that he's gonna get
00:41:06
out he's trying to get out of it cuz he's saying it's a point oh wait he blew
00:41:09
a point oh seven nine yeah and he's saying they booked him because he's a conspiracy theorist that you know
00:41:13
the sandy the only reason why the guy is famous is because we taught people talk
00:41:16
about him yeah but he says crazy things he does he's that he you know what once
00:41:20
he said that like what's it that's cool sandy sandy hook was a hoax I know he
00:41:27
said as soon as that jumps the he they should just shut everything off every Mike should been taken away from him he
00:41:34
has no more credibility crazy it's insane hey Bobby Bobby you son of a [ __ ]
00:41:38
talk me about that of Sandy Hook is a real thing Bob Hope you like yeah well you know then what happened to the
00:41:44
[ __ ] kids those are all actors they're all actors everything yeah they're all actors you don't know
00:41:49
because you're part of the lizard community here in Hollister all right let's hear the next one okay so Andrew
00:41:55
Yan officially endorsed Joe Biden this is sad it's just another young nation
00:42:00
boy being manipulated but I'm not an old rich white man giving up on the jokes
00:42:06
say again nice and clear nice and smoother try it again come on here we go cambro andrew yang go ahead and Rihanna
00:42:14
fishel endorses Joe Biden this is sad is this another young nation boy be manipulated by an old rich white man
00:42:20
Andrew yang it's that's ridiculous that's a good joke it's just another
00:42:24
young asian boy being manipulated by an old rich white man that's a funny joke
00:42:27
Andres that's very good who wrote he wrote all these jokes it's all my you
00:42:33
wrote he wrote all of these job really well-crafted mm-hm yeah it's the point
00:42:39
of view are you anxious that's a good job it is pretty good job that's a great
00:42:42
joke but the thing but the truth of the matter is is that it's like it's just
00:42:45
another Asian boy being manipulated by the old rich white man honestly Andrew Yang endorsing Joe Biden made a lot of
00:42:50
people upset for some reason whatever they're gonna who cares oh well if you
00:42:57
want to get some food in your belly easy convenient to your door why don't you
00:43:01
use door - I used door - all the time my friend yeah it's incredible delivery is
00:43:06
more than just beats do you yeah I get like this Mexican restaurant by my house I love that I love it so much yeah
00:43:13
you've got big plans for 2020 and if you can't find time to do it you should
00:43:17
download get some door - day is approaching and if you don't make sometimes you forget to make
00:43:24
reservations now so don't settle for the last table available treat your date to
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delivery with door - at home that's what I do Valentine's Day already past in the
00:43:35
next Valentine's Day because they have them every year no oh they do yeah yeah
00:43:40
Valentine's Day every year huh well that's the next one just prepare and
00:43:43
just okay - well look door - brings all of America's flavors to your front door
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ordering is very simple open up the app choose what you want your food gonna come to you you don't
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00:43:59
can order all over the world you mean like restaurants like Chipotle Wendy's
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chick-fil-a and the Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake Factory has so much to eat by the way how could you not find something
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that you want on there with door - you never have to worry about where your next meal is coming from
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you don't have to hunt like Bobby luck doesn't like you can do yourself a
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00:44:33
know I'm I prefer Bernie over Biden right I do I just yeah that's fine yeah
00:44:39
all right you do lean in a weird way but um I don't like this before I like none of these people I know I
00:44:46
don't I don't either you're all just [ __ ] puppets yeah I don't like him
00:44:50
right there's a guy behind the guy I think Joe Biden is a hack and I think Bernie's a psychopath I think all of
00:44:54
them are what don't say that off their rocker yeah don't say I gotta make
00:44:57
school for free they're all crazy anyway go ahead now Ellen dress if this is not
00:45:05
clear and [ __ ] you know mean and you don't sell the jokey part of it you gotta sell it - I'm gonna fire you okay
00:45:12
all right so louder louder clearer and more angst no ganks gusto oomph oomph yeah what's Guster what's gusto in
00:45:22
Spanish how do you say gusto what's bravado bravado Roboto Roboto okay here we go don't blush you they
00:45:30
don't blush we're not we're not angry okay let's go commercial airline sighs
00:45:35
all right stop stop I'm sorry dude up to your you're really pissing off the boss
00:45:43
here pal I'm just letting you know bad idea and race ondrea's hmm I saw you a
00:45:49
couple days ago I was really nice to you yeah he was was I not we hugged you get
00:45:53
that sweater on we did a couple like you know me pumps or whatever mm-hmm and I don't do that with everyone you know I
00:46:00
there's something about you that I really like right but if you're not your
00:46:04
make you're taking way yeah you know I mean and you're putting hate in there he's diminishing
00:46:09
this you're diminishing it so just really vocalize and commit come in okay go ahead
00:46:15
come on in come on add action commercial airlines are seeing a massive dip in travel and subsequently the private jet
00:46:22
business is booming also subsequently private jet is the nickname I use for my penis and let me tell you business is
00:46:30
booming that's a good job that's a really good job yeah it's a very by the way did you
00:46:42
say penis it says pen name what is pen a penis in Spanish it is oh that's funny
00:46:46
that's really funny and let me tell you what I'm saying once you if you would
00:46:49
have said that with low energy you're a good coach because that worked yeah it
00:46:53
would in a world god that's really funny yeah so commercial trust me from now on
00:46:57
I do okay thank you commercial airlines are having a dead understand a word he says yeah private
00:47:03
jets are going up we should take only private jets you want to take a private jet with me somewhere no because that's
00:47:07
how Buddy Holly died we and Otis Redding and Big Dipper yeah yeah god that's so
00:47:14
sad all those people yeah but they died back when it was like the pilots were drunk they flew in the fog they don't do
00:47:19
that stuff anymore would you rather take a helicopter or a private jet you private jet yeah after that whole thing
00:47:27
put up my dad said buzzing do you hear that there's a buzzing yeah yeah oh there it is it's gone now yeah if that's
00:47:33
the thing it's like I would I would take a private jet over a helicopter helicopters scare the [ __ ] they scared
00:47:37
me before Kobe died I think I think that they're both of those though like I
00:47:42
think helicopters are more dangerous and I mean they are literally don't know the
00:47:46
facts I did I looked it up after Kobe died isn't Hawaii like before Kobe died
00:47:49
in Hawaii a whole family died you know I mean from a helicopter crash yeah I think it happens more often than
00:47:58
we know how many helicopter crashes are there here look at this in the last decade more than 380 people have died in
00:48:05
helicopter accidents meanwhile there are over 47,000 xnc reasons and involving airplanes in the US airspace so I guess
00:48:11
it's more common to die in an airplane accidents but that's only because
00:48:16
there's way more airplane flights than helicopter I don't this isn't even you know I mean right I
00:48:21
hear that buzzing again by the way I don't know why that's got to be a cord
00:48:24
or something well why do you get so angry just let it buzz or not you know I mean I just don't like the but it's like
00:48:28
can you not you know but there's a way to say okay here let me can I say it again yeah hey guys there's a little bit
00:48:33
buzzing in the headphones could we check that out and make sure that it's not
00:48:35
buzzing anymore was that a little bit better or no that's better thank you yeah
00:48:38
okay so let's move on to the next one I want to go I want to go to the next one
00:48:41
Amadeus go to the next one um that joke was really good by the way he calls his penis up ride the private jet
00:48:48
what we should do that's very finding next week when I should get together in
00:48:51
a coffee shop yeah and write a stand-up act for Andre Andre I know and have Andria's do a stand-up act with jokes
00:49:00
that we wrote for us yeah and just do a little show for us with the accent he can't read it off the thing he has to
00:49:05
memorize there no he's never gonna be able to do that he's gonna do it he can
00:49:09
barely read it off the thing now all right maybe you wrote these jokes oh yeah yeah that's crazy okay so you can
00:49:14
have a cheat sheet but like you gotta get whatever give him cue cards you and I can give him cue cards that's right
00:49:20
okay well give it will give you cue cards that sound good yes all right so Andres let's hear the next one what is
00:49:25
it energy energy energy President Donald Trump is refusing to get tested for coronavirus even though he was exposed
00:49:33
to it recently when asked why he won't get tested for the virus reply only [ __ ] blacks gays and Jews are going
00:49:40
to get it I'm gonna be fine that's a pretty edgy joke that's a little the
00:49:50
accent was really good came to the Trump thing it's true just a plain white mr.
00:49:54
president as a president why aren't you gonna get tested for the virus loud let's hear what he said and go with
00:49:58
vigor go ahead why are you gonna test it sir only be nerds and blacks and gays and Jews are gonna get it I'm gonna be
00:50:04
fine that's a better I can't do better that's a really good tries a really good
00:50:08
Spanish Trump I like that that's a really good stump Trump all right do what actually say that though did he
00:50:13
Trump he did Trump did he get on CNN he goes only [ __ ] blacks gays and Jews are gonna get it what's the next one um
00:50:24
energy energy energy energy okay rare white dragon odd yeah again can't stumble
00:50:31
yeah stumble okay rare why giraffes were killed by poachers in Kenya the Wildlife
00:50:38
Foundation is this is disgusted with the act but I for one I see the justice it's
00:50:44
time for the giraffe gentrification to stop keep the white giraffes out of our neighborhoods that's good it's really
00:50:53
good it's really good really good let's hear the next one that's by the way the
00:50:56
white giraffe do you know that they that's a true story - white drafts were found killed by poachers and they're
00:51:00
like there's only so many left yes Dustin I think there's a dry no to that
00:51:05
what was the white rhino that's like that no longer exists oh that yak kid I
00:51:09
got killed off yeah but I mean I think there's no that's not because you know
00:51:12
drafts it's not like poachers are like let's kill that white drought because we
00:51:18
hate white giraffes it's because I think wife giraffes and like white rhinos are
00:51:22
more coveted right and more expensive probably yeah I guess maybe I don't know
00:51:29
but the to kill them it said it said that they found them and they had that that it indicated that they killed them
00:51:34
weeks before yeah so they killed them left them there for weeks yeah that's it
00:51:38
I mean let me ask you about just a side note because I know you you hang out with buff eyes and because buff ives
00:51:43
likes to hunt buffaloes to hunt yeah yeah yeah so tell people who buff eyes this no we'll just go by that's fine and
00:51:50
buff eyes um so how do you feel about hunting what do you mean how do I feel about it is he enjoys it and yeah he has
00:51:57
you know he is I don't want to feel I don't do it would you ever hunt anything
00:52:00
um yeah if I was gonna eat it 100% yeah but my point is is that you just go to the restaurant no no people hunted
00:52:08
Morton's people hunt cuz it's a fun sport and then if you eat it and you
00:52:11
purpose it as something then then it seems but you totally find a sport part you know I mean to me it's like are you
00:52:18
doing it as survival cuz you want to eat no it's not because you get excited to
00:52:24
kill something that was once they came out with his family out on the [ __ ] grazing that's why most hunters like
00:52:29
hunting I don't really hunt but I don't care that people do as long as you eat it and
00:52:34
purposes cuz I always think that like you know because I know that like I could have time to hunt where am I gonna
00:52:38
hunt them in Los Angeles I don't know if one day they said all right there's no more meat you got to hunt you
00:52:45
for your own meat I would probably take an oven mitt a Swiss Army knife out into
00:52:50
the pasture and just jab a cow in its ass I don't know what to do that's right
00:52:55
you have a count its ass yeah yeah that's it all right go ahead go ahead all right
00:53:00
well hey Bob coaching coach oh go new Chlamydia species were discovered deep under the Artic ocean which can only
00:53:08
mean one thing that Jamaican crab Sebastian is at it again read that one slower yeah that's
00:53:16
really good they'll read that one that's a good job yeah yeah the whole thing no
00:53:23
no chlamydia species were discovered deep under the ocean or download our new chlamydia species was nice and slow
00:53:30
louder that's cuz they speak so fast in there like just nice and slow a Spaniard
00:53:37
here we go new chlamydia species were discovered deep under the Arctic Ocean same goes
00:53:43
for same he goes fast new chlamydia sisters will discover deep on the Arctic Ocean go ahead which can only mean one
00:53:48
thing that Jamaican bastard crab Sebastian is at it again alright let's hear the next two we only got two more
00:53:59
left on dress.you really you're murdering it yeah how long did it take you to write these be honest a lot like
00:54:03
two days two days that's pretty good though yeah how many go one two three four five six seven eight nine or items
00:54:09
ten [ __ ] up like ten jokes in two days is really good you're not gonna write
00:54:12
them off [ __ ] up job I know okay let's go what's the next one a nice and slow
00:54:16
but okay the NHL made history when they use an all-female crew to broadcast the game on International Women's Day these
00:54:28
are a strong women they made it through three brutally bloody periods a dress that's very good
00:54:40
very good all right the joke that you wrote explain me the joke why it's funny
00:54:47
explain that any joked about yeah well because it's a it's a game that is
00:54:53
bloody but also a period means also like you know that time of the month when I got one bear we go that very good see
00:55:01
here he did write it yeah I know he what do you mean he didn't know I'm just
00:55:04
questioning cuz it to me I seem like something that he would write well he what does he know about the energy
00:55:09
here's here's what here's what George said I said how are these jokes and
00:55:12
George goes here's the thing he he knows how to write English better than to say
00:55:16
it so he can write English obviously obviously okay but honestly speaking it is this is not Charter right all right
00:55:26
let's you're the last one that's your last dinger okay ready for the last one yeah but but
00:55:31
Bob yeah okay there's another guy that there's two guys that we found so guys
00:55:46
we got on we got on LinkedIn so this is your last shot so really celebrate five four three police capture a yellow labs
00:55:54
that beat and kill a Dutch Han and fight and beat five people when asked to comment the dog said hey it's a dog by
00:56:03
dog world can I read it as you yes please ready police capture a yellow lab they're beat and kill a duck hunt and
00:56:18
beat five people when I stopped coming the dog said hey it's a dog by dog world
00:56:26
he's a really good joke let's give it a friend so good you're so [ __ ] good
00:56:33
these are really really good that's that is a good look I think the next thing
00:56:37
we're gonna do is we're gonna write a bunch of stand-up bits for him down here
00:56:42
on the show yeah we should do also different styles we should do like you know a tail like switches and stuff
00:56:49
she's saying it's right different sounds for him each week no no we'll just in
00:56:52
the act will do like he has to do impressions oh yeah yeah yeah yeah right some observation humor can you do
00:57:00
impressions I don't think so but sure okay well how about what what's an
00:57:05
impression that we think he could do though that's the problem can you do Christopher Walken
00:57:10
yeah he's a stansson standard easy one that's like an entry level how about
00:57:14
Robert De Niro are you talking to me [Laughter] everything's gonna sound like Pablo
00:57:22
Escobar yeah can you do Pablo Escobar do him uh uh yeah I don't have to make an
00:57:29
accent I think yes there is go get the cocaine lot o Plomo bla bla mo what is that what does that mean that's like
00:57:38
either you take the money or it's let or money let or money Oh boom boom pow
00:57:45
how about Joan Rivers go oh yeah that one's easy for easy come on yeah I I don't think I talk can we talk dude
00:57:57
it's so good it's it's literally and anybody and everybody at the same time
00:58:00
can you do can you do can you impression of me or Bobby do an impression of me do
00:58:05
one of me try one try one of me first go ahead come on no dead air baby um Bobby what why you
00:58:16
have to be like that that's good that's very good now do wanna Bob do one of me
00:58:20
yeah you're an [ __ ] to me that's really good that's really really good I
00:58:30
just want just one last thing under there yes I want you to do an Asian accent just one so I want you to say um
00:58:42
a you touch you by but in it so I'm a guy I'm walking in a liquor store your
00:58:49
liquor store no right so I'm like you know me so you see the phrases you break
00:58:53
you buy right yeah you touch you buy well let's let's give him some reference
00:58:55
for it I'm gonna play that scene of you break you buy all right so then you can you you you
00:59:02
break you buy do you understand what this is in reference to or no I do okay so you know it's like there's like a
00:59:07
very okay I didn't even know this is in a movie it's just well don't be a menace
00:59:10
had it so here this is this is a scene in don't be a menace and they joked about this this is a common phrase do
00:59:18
you understand you know the background of this I just watch I think I do okay [Music]
00:59:30
turn it up a little bit this is a great scene then walking into a Korean convenience store and the white guy is
00:59:46
stealing is so good hurry up and buy there's one hurry up and buy okay hurry up and buy you got it
01:00:08
I got it the white guy just steals the money right out of the register hey you jump something there we go very funny
01:00:31
very funny that's your well let's say the final version of it where is it coming Hey all
01:00:45
right what I'm talking you how much for this candy bar $5 what better give me some sucky sucky
01:00:51
with death flat on it Jesus Christ all right you heard it you break you buy hurry up and buy uh-huh so do that best
01:00:58
impression for Bob Bob wants to hear you do though so go ahead hurry up and buy with an Asian accent nine yours go ahead
01:01:05
that was my son Hayati really work for you really good really good really work for it you
01:01:12
taught to you by you gotta get smaller you did it really you went like this you want by watching that [ __ ] with that
01:01:20
clip yeah from don't be a man escape imagine when I came to LA yeah those are
01:01:26
the only parts available yeah that's that's what that is it crazy to think
01:01:30
that like back in the day Ali Wong all these like you know these whoa new Asians you know aquafina right that
01:01:38
they would have to wait in line to do hurry up hurry up and buy Wow was the only available thing
01:01:44
yeah that's Chi mean that's very easy to think what was what was um what was the
01:01:49
name of but that is I mean but to be fair didn't you play some of those characters on MADtv you would do [ __ ]
01:01:58
like that right so it's a but I would yeah but I would do it to the point where like you ever see Johnny GaN yeah
01:02:05
to go to YouTube you've seen Johnny GaN hold on let me see don't be a menace I
01:02:09
just want to see the name of this poor woman that did that hurry up and buy scene yeah and I want to see if perhaps
01:02:14
maybe she worked other so miss Johnson no that's obviously not it but I want to
01:02:20
be problem what she's probably not even the credits that's how [ __ ] low you
01:02:22
think they put her out of the credits maybe but look ok whatever the case may be I don't think you're gonna find the
01:02:26
the store owner for some reason in here look she's not even credited I know that's how [ __ ] sad it was then now
01:02:33
look at go to youtube mm-hmm and go Johnny GaN is a character you ever seen my Johnny GaN no it's the it's the I
01:02:42
went to the extreme with it Johnny GaN Jo Jo how do you spell it Johnny jo nny yeah gone right gionee just go
01:02:51
MADtv Johnny GaN ok MADtv Johnny gon gon e I don't know there we go there Johnny GaN T oh yeah it's so
01:03:03
racist because I put what say it it's so racist cuz what I just wanted to do a character that was
01:03:10
so racist that it became almost like not race okay let's see [Music] oh hello people before time when it get
01:03:40
cold in the woman's nipple stick out and Johnny go and make the Oscar guesses on
01:03:45
the journey guns movie guesses for the Oscar Awards oh my god baby this is literally setting back
01:03:57
this setting this sets everyone back about a thousand years no it doesn't know it's hilarious yeah yeah because
01:04:03
it's hilarious because I just wanted to do something that was just so so over
01:04:09
the top in internment yeah but people didn't like it no really do you get a lot of criticism
01:04:14
for yeah really people don't like it but you know what do I mean I just I don't
01:04:19
know why look it's that was when it's so funny because in the beginning of MADtv
01:04:24
they wouldn't give me anything right and then by the fourth year I became people
01:04:28
started liking me what do you mean by the fourth year of being on the show you I you know you could tell that like you
01:04:34
know when I when in front of the live audience and people knew my knew who I was in the beginning like it was you
01:04:39
know everyone liked Mike McDonald all these happy people yeah I love Mike but I love him too he's a very good friend
01:04:44
but but the fourth and fifth year is when um you could tell that you know the fans started to like me so that I could
01:04:51
go yeah I wanted to Johnny GaN and they were just like yes all right yeah I mean
01:04:57
I go but can you you know I mean not do the teeth thing you put all that stuff in there you said I wanted to have the
01:05:05
comb-over and everything it was all you I would spent like six hours before I'm
01:05:09
getting the big head yeah yeah it looks good though but I like that was that was
01:05:14
fun should we do something like that now what do you mean should we like recreated like characters like that now
01:05:20
yeah like you do an absurd yeah well I do what every redheaded guy was forever and still is is like the makeup and the
01:05:28
and I'm saying I want to do that yeah yeah let's do it yeah that'll be like I
01:05:31
want to come up with a new character I would love that let's do a movie of us
01:05:35
me and you doing character yeah yeah not a movie let's do it next bad friends
01:05:39
done but we will get the costume so we're gonna do our characters for the next show
01:05:44
and then we'll also have stand-up feature by an Venice undressed it's gonna be a great show Andre so it's
01:05:49
gonna be a great show this is this was already a fun show thanks for everybody sending in all those coronavirus
01:05:54
fighters doubly done no we don't have to be but yeah let's go but we bought but I
01:05:59
need to catch a plane to go to Chicago do we had time should I be scared should I be scared you know I'm gonna go
01:06:05
to Denver so don't get it when I'm gonna go to Chicago you don't get it we vote
01:06:10
this weekend we won't get it okay do everything you can't why you look at
01:06:14
this nose look what he's doing are you blowing your nose on today's what's in your pocket what's in your
01:06:20
pocket you put take it out what are you what did you put in your pocket put in your butt what did you take out he just
01:06:25
[ __ ] wiped his boogers came back just by you're sick right now Andre Assange I
01:06:28
see you sick he's sick no I honestly what are you sick we have allergies that's it it's the last episode of bad
01:06:35
friends yeah all right look in the camera would say it thank you for watching our that works
01:06:44
[Music] you