00:00:00
two are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:00:06
you two are disgusting really YouTube or something we're bad friends a woman a
00:00:13
woman born with two vaginas had um gave birth
00:00:18
Lewis and twins will you look that up woman born with two vaginas a woman in Alaska has two vaginas and gave birth
00:00:25
but which which hole did the baby come out of not the hole that I had sex
00:00:30
what let's see this woman I was I was lopsided while pregnant
00:00:36
woman feared her two vaginas and cervixes and wombs would leave her childless gives birth naturally
00:00:41
but is there I would have taken a prop bet on which vagina the baby would come out of but the two vaginas is a um like
00:00:49
a Siamese twin that wasn't underdeveloped right I oh is that what that is if you have two of it she was
00:00:55
born with two vaginas two cervixes so one of us that underdeveloped time is to win
00:01:03
is her baby all that's left of her twin is her [ __ ]
00:01:09
yeah like as like her twin is gone her vagina is the only you know sometimes in India like a kid will be born with two
00:01:16
legs and a hand sticking out of their back dude when you see that yeah it'll be like a fist out of their face yeah
00:01:21
it's the craziest [ __ ] right I always whenever I beat them I always shake that other hand and I always call it a
00:01:27
different name hey Frank you shake their fist Ted excuse me Frank yeah this woman was born this is what
00:01:34
I'm gonna this is what I want to know yeah when the baby when the baby's coming out it sees two
00:01:40
well it doesn't say anything but two vaginas which one does it pick and would that change its life
00:01:54
the whole you come out of very much dictates your complete future it completely you think so I 100 believe it
00:01:59
why why because for that matter because there's got to be some kind of powerful juice magic when you slide out that
00:02:04
dictates almost everything maybe so there's but okay look at yours there's two rules right it came out of the wrong
00:02:10
hole he definitely came out of the wrong hole there was only one choice
00:02:16
you were 100 a butthole baby yeah and the doctors were like yeah this does look like a butthole baby yeah my
00:02:23
question is um when they remove the limbs like you know I mean sometimes this is what I
00:02:28
hate about white doctors in Western medicine we don't like white doctors either I know so in India right A kid
00:02:36
will be born with like you know an extension of a Siamese twin coming out of their body right and there's always like a doctor in America I'll operate
00:02:43
for free you know what I mean yeah you get the publicity pro bono yeah but it's like is it what does it what does the
00:02:48
kid think don't take off Larry he wants his brother there I don't know someone to
00:02:54
chat to us especially when it's like a face when there's a when there's a
00:03:00
face well the face one is weird yeah yeah these are all these deformities that's so sad to even we're not making
00:03:07
fun of them in front of the person no it's called lakshi tatma yeah what is lakshi tatma zoom in a little bit there
00:03:12
George lakshi Tama oh that's a human no that's not a yeah yeah what are you doing man
00:03:17
that's lakshitama they thought she was a god remember this a goddess yeah yeah when she had she had like nine legs yeah
00:03:23
can I ask you something can you pinch so I can see her yeah God I wish [ __ ] we had Carlos here we need Carlos here is
00:03:30
this insane that you bring this guy in who's been a [ __ ] this guy has been a podcast producer for how many years 10
00:03:36
12 yeah no let me ask yeah over seven over seven let me make fun of them first all right seven [ __ ] plus years and I
00:03:44
said can you pinch and zoom he can't do that do you know we pay him the most of anybody no we do I know we do it's
00:03:49
disgusting for the next rest of the year you're switching salaries is fancy he's also a butthole baby so just let him all
00:03:55
right yeah butthole babies all right so here's the deal this is Lakshmi and yeah I have something to say about her right
00:04:01
oh okay go ahead here's the thing and I'm gonna be very mindful about it right and right make sure you just focus on
00:04:07
him imagine the cool job she could have as she gets older drummer she's the
00:04:12
number one at the sweatshop made 15 Nikes in 20 minutes you know how
00:04:18
yeah she's 38 hands that's another job that you could have that's amazing right goalkeeper on a soccer team oh my god
00:04:25
dude you're doing a pedal penalty kick and she's with all her arms you know
00:04:30
what I mean you wouldn't know what direction right and and two of the arms she's doing taxes on the other one she's doing other things like honestly she's
00:04:37
like Googling something watching you know about with an iPad I don't know what she's doing right but there's just so many things so do not remove those
00:04:43
arms I think you keep them yeah well this this says Lakshmi before her 24 hour surgery you know seven so obviously
00:04:48
she did get them removed yeah that's it really angered me when that happened but didn't they think she was a goddess because they thought she was compared
00:04:55
because because what's the god of with all the Shiva Shiva Shiva yeah
00:05:00
is but that also would be cool it's just like I would I would turn to my mom or the surgeon go please don't remove it
00:05:06
because I just been sitting on an altar eating grapes all day right they've been feeding me that's her job now she's just
00:05:13
a regular guy she could her whole life just chilling eating grapes all day people worshiping her picking a grape
00:05:19
from here this is very mean but that image reminds me so heavily of the the
00:05:24
the the creature in the Simpsons do you know what I'm talking about that guy that's exactly what I'm talking
00:05:31
about the aliens the aliens the aliens the aliens whoa dude that's Happy dude
00:05:36
no but that's heavy dude no dude no no hello
00:05:42
yeah yeah I just mean are you calling are you calling Eastern Indians aliens no I'm saying the image of the multiple
00:05:49
arms doing things reminds me of that there's other references she reminds me of calamari
00:05:54
instead is an octopus that's one in the same that's easier we're on the same wavelength imagine if calamari looked
00:06:00
like her would you even no no one would eat calamari do you like calamari no I don't even like it I think it's gross I
00:06:05
think we lie to ourselves when we eat it because we it's supposed to be like a delicacy almost I think calamari sucks
00:06:11
say chewy butthole it's chewy butthole yeah I don't want a chewy butthole first of all we're back to the old school days I should say because kovitz kovitz once
00:06:19
again got Doc is sick for the fifth time with kovid yeah oh man they got me one time you know what it is what it's
00:06:25
because doc does all this NASA science stuff on here and the government's trying to kill him you know that that's interesting the government is trying to
00:06:31
kill him that's interesting and he would by the way who would vouch for he would he'd be like yeah man come on after me drool yeah yeah so he's gone Rudy is
00:06:38
gone he's not faxed he refuses to I don't know if he's back my assumption was that he was his ex because he is the
00:06:44
way he talked about it was the other thing he is yeah so we've got fancy sitting in the chair to fill in for both
00:06:50
how did the show go how did my show go downtown yeah it was
00:06:55
amazing actually what ended up happening well the night was great um my buddy Chris and I met up
00:07:01
um had something to eat and then I went to Theo's show at The Wiltern he had two shows yeah I went and did 15 or no I did
00:07:07
20 minutes before Theo yeah and it was awesome it was me larabites uh and uh
00:07:12
Frank Castillo yeah I like Frank yeah um and uh they did great I went up I got a great 20 I did I haven't have a really
00:07:18
fun 20 minutes it was great um gave a hug to Theo and then we jetted over the palace and I had a great time
00:07:23
downtown amazing it was amazing to see La come out for La which was hard because I complained the whole time about Netflix [ __ ] Netflix
00:07:32
a thousand shows in one night the same night we performed yeah me and Theo down both close to each other fluffy was at
00:07:39
the [ __ ] Dodger Stadium oh my God mullaney was at the Hollywood Bowl my God a Schumer was supposed to be doing a
00:07:46
show but she canceled because she got coveted Amy polar and Tina Fey were doing a [ __ ] uh reading like a table
00:07:52
read thing together yeah Jay fair it was like 40 [ __ ] Comics so thank I'm
00:07:58
thankful for the people that came to my show there's millions of people that live in LA though I know man but there's there's not Millions they're not all comedy fans yeah so the comedy fans that
00:08:05
came I'm very appreciative of do you think like the fluffy fans were making it just hey bro it was between me bro
00:08:10
which one you want to go to bro fluffy I don't know dog I think between between Santino and Iglesias yeah yeah
00:08:17
maybe Santino away no by the way I did have mostly Mexicans there because I asked how many Mexicans are there and
00:08:22
they went he knows he was he's how many I mean dude it was like 80 Mexican which made me so happy and then there was
00:08:28
about 10 Chinese Asians or Chinese I specifically said Chinese I said how where are my Chinese
00:08:34
people at yeah and I heard about 30 people about Korean so were my Korean people at but they heard that the
00:08:40
Chinese were there so they didn't say a word I was in the audience they were nervous I was like ah well because the Chinese were there looking at them don't
00:08:47
you dare amazing no it was really really fun and now I'm almost done so I'm really glad you know what I decided I
00:08:53
did the uh main room in front of 10 people so that's what I did well why would you do a show on the weekend with the Netflix thing
00:08:59
I just did our Netflix show by the way at the our bad friends I should say show it had nothing to do with Netflix what
00:09:06
do you mean I like they just put their name on us they put a box somebody showed up put a box on stage and then
00:09:11
left put a Netflix box a crew a guy who builds stuff put a box together throw it up and then went home yeah Netflix had
00:09:17
[ __ ] literally nothing to do with it um and I'm here to tell you cancel your Netflix subscription why just cancel it
00:09:24
no cancel it I'm Pro Netflix man oh you oh really yeah oh really yeah I
00:09:30
am me too let's be Pro on Netflix let's be Pro Netflix you guys
00:09:35
subscribe subscribe to Netflix please they need the help that was a fun show they could use a
00:09:42
boost huh it was a fun show our show our show was good the problem was I have a
00:09:47
bone to pick with you can I just say this can I [ __ ] let me
00:09:53
just say something pick the bone my bones are there to be picked Bud raise your arms right I'm roadkill your
00:10:00
[ __ ] vulture right pick the air right right right go ahead vulture but before
00:10:09
I do yeah right I've just been having a tough week [ __ ] off okay go ahead okay
00:10:16
um the bone to pick that I've always had with Bobby and we've talked about this when we do a show together or when you
00:10:21
do your show the Bobby Lee and friends or when we do bad friends Bobby and I should go at the end but
00:10:27
instead Bobby goes in the middle of the [ __ ] show in the sweetest of sweet spots they're here to see us you get off
00:10:33
and then you bring up two more comics and then I have to close the show George is nodding because he knows it's insane yeah but I asked you don't close it you
00:10:40
can go up anywhere you want no dude it's our show we should close the show what was the worst thing I did you tell
00:10:47
doc after the show is over oh my God to go back and do 30 minutes you know he
00:10:53
went out and did time you know that right yeah yeah doc went out and did like 20 20 more minutes perfect because it got us to be able to
00:11:01
escape I know but the poor bastard he goes out there yeah he's like oh man hey man come on bear friends let's stay and
00:11:08
people were getting up and they were like [ __ ] dude should I have to do I have to stay you know what you know how like at the end of a movie after the credit roll somebody has told you that
00:11:14
there might be an extra piece of the movie yeah yeah that's what it was it was like a Marvel movie because when I saw a doctor strange we waited to the
00:11:21
very end of the credits and the clip wasn't worth it was it was not that's how they felt when they saw especially the Batman one but that one yes it's a
00:11:28
question mark stupid stupid so dumb yeah but that's what we did we put a question mark at the end
00:11:35
so we're walking out you guys all left early so you didn't want to get mobbed yeah we're walking out with Esther and
00:11:41
Doc is just getting in the groove yeah and I'm like he was on fire in his head did he get laughs no were you there
00:11:47
everybody was confused yeah yeah they sat down again yeah they had no idea
00:11:53
what was going on yeah I I just I I love doc our little blood back blood back I
00:11:59
love them he doesn't get it well no Bob here's what happened
00:12:05
I told Andres the show's over you got to get him off stage go so Andres runs up and I'm
00:12:11
scared that I'm gonna get yelled at by DOC for taking a stage time Andres comes out like tells doc hey show uh show's
00:12:17
over guys you can all go home and Doc light comes out he's like thank you uh Bobby told me to do another
00:12:23
30 minutes I was starting I was about to start a big bit all right guys you're free to go I I'm
00:12:29
sorry Olivia with dark but [Applause]
00:12:39
you were joking he believed you you can't he's like a child you can't joke with it I was kidding around why would I
00:12:45
think that he should do that because he believes that kind of stuff yeah little black magic has to show up do as long as
00:12:52
you want and I just think that's a joke yeah yeah but can I just say this though
00:13:00
he did great by the way he did great but I want to say this though he did five minutes right to open the
00:13:06
show right yeah I paid him 400 bucks to do the show right I'm doing 30 minutes
00:13:14
they're trying to do you know what I mean I understand five minutes for 400 is crazy it's a little much it's a
00:13:19
little much it's a little much yeah so but also he we need we need to get him off of
00:13:25
Amazon because contract is up his contract's up also did you also see this so when we did the question and answers at the end of the that show right a girl
00:13:32
comes up to the thing and she obviously is hitting on dog yeah right she's just like so you're saying you know so what
00:13:39
kind of girls do you like I mean I just kind of going look at me yeah look at my body I don't know what what was the sport
00:13:46
response yeah yeah I don't got no type but that was a clear do you want to [ __ ]
00:13:51
me do you want to [ __ ] yeah right and he did not read it no because he doesn't want to [ __ ] I'm not focusing on these
00:13:57
hoes can I say a theory go ahead and you can defend himself when next time he's
00:14:03
here or not you know I just think that let me just throw something right you
00:14:08
know you know um do you think that you know if a bunch of your uncles were slaughtered because
00:14:14
they were gay you know in the Gates Right awful do you think that's a terrible thing and I've I'm so very traumatized by it
00:14:23
all yeah you know I think about it all the time you do you think about it daily you text me I do I do and um is that
00:14:29
hereditary it is there there is partial scientific evidence to prove that it might be hereditary but in my opinion I
00:14:35
would think if enough people in your family were gay you'd feel left out right you think it's peer pressure you
00:14:40
think it's conditioned he might start sucking just to fit in yeah right I mean look at you go to Thanksgiving and all your uncles are like and then we went to
00:14:46
the man Hall and we were yeah I love the manhole the mantle is amazing and so
00:14:51
they're bragging about it and you're sitting there with your green beans and you don't know how to you know oh green beans
00:14:58
what do you mean green beans no I'm saying you're right Thanksgiving dinner what do you mean by it though Thanksgiving dinner I said you're
00:15:04
sitting there I didn't hear the things oh I see you're at a holiday dinner and you're [ __ ] everyone's bragging about
00:15:10
Dick and you might want to throw your hat in the ring right or toss your [ __ ] ring in the butthole you might want to
00:15:16
have a little bit of validity to and go you know I'm also I suck a dick too you
00:15:21
know you might feel like you fit in family gatherings are tough as that as it is because when the girl was
00:15:27
obviously hitting on him on the show he had no interest yeah she was actually very cute yeah he was eyeing some other
00:15:33
dude in the audience right behind him yeah yeah yeah he's like my type behind you
00:15:39
what is this there is no gay gene there is no straight Gene okay so so then it's true and not true at the exact same
00:15:44
right human sexual orientation has a heritable component ah there's a
00:15:49
component that you can inherit yeah we're not like you know I think it's a great thing you know I mean I I'm just
00:15:56
like here's what I don't like because of like we know a lot of comics that aren't out
00:16:01
sure yes correct and there's like this we suspect yeah I mean well we know but but yeah we
00:16:09
know but we can't there's no it's none of our business it's not our business to tell right but the whole idea that they
00:16:16
can't say it because it's a sort of social or the business yeah and the business is very it's it's not a good
00:16:24
thing I hate that well because the business if you're gay the business says you got to be [ __ ] gay
00:16:31
you can't like suck dick and throw a football they don't like that yeah yeah you one or the other to them if that's
00:16:36
why the business is full of [ __ ] they're like we want diversity no they don't they want their version they want a gay guy that's like yes Queen they don't
00:16:43
want they don't want a guy who's like I just like to [ __ ] [ __ ] dudes because
00:16:48
I'm gay but I'm also I don't always have to we don't all have to sound like that yeah it's like if um have you ever seen
00:16:54
the show um uh the other oh my God the other two or I mean yeah
00:17:00
the other two it's all it's [ __ ] awesome Molly Shannon plays his mom yeah it's such a good show if you haven't
00:17:07
seen the show go watch it it's on HBO Drew plays a struggling actor and him and his sister Helena York I think is
00:17:13
her name and they're younger their younger brother this kid case Walker is like a huge star a huge star in there
00:17:19
and they're in the background but Drew plays very much a young gay man who's trying
00:17:25
to maneuver through Hollywood and you know not get lost in just his
00:17:30
sexuality where he doesn't want them to just just promote him as just a gay actor right it's very true to form it's
00:17:37
wonderful I think it's wonderfully written it's beautifully done it's I think Sarah Shafer wrote I think uh
00:17:42
the writer two writers from SNL the headrest from SNL wrote it I think Sarah Schaefer maybe is the writers of it look
00:17:49
who wrote it there what does it say writers um oh yeah Chris Kelly and Sarah Schaefer right from SNL and it's just
00:17:55
cleverly done in a way that's like this is what the industry does they take somebody and if you're gay they're like you gotta gay it up a little bit you're
00:18:02
right and he on the show is like I can't why can't I just read it as me and they're like could you be a little bit more gay and
00:18:09
he plays with that world on the show because most gay people that I know aren't flamboyant in that way well I
00:18:15
mean there's some that are yeah but it's just like who cares though at the same time no I don't care it's just like it's
00:18:21
not the stereotype that's on TV is so [ __ ] fake yeah every gay person or
00:18:26
every gay man is a Yas Queen yeah not every guy's like that just like not
00:18:32
every guy is a big bad bully bro hey [ __ ] [ __ ] tricks there's a lot of
00:18:37
guys like you that are very sensitive what soft what do you mean well you're not a guy's guy
00:18:49
I don't shave what here you don't have hair to shave on your face I know but
00:18:54
I'm growing it out like a man you put that beard yeah it just takes a while you put that mustache on 15 years ago
00:19:00
and then 43 years ago that was pretty yeah prickly no you're not a guy's guy because let's get because I feel like
00:19:07
that I am but let's let's talk about that for a second because I need to explore this you're not raise your hand
00:19:13
if you think Bobby's a guy's guy
00:19:20
yeah but these guys have resentments toward me and they have something these guys are in love with you okay so let's
00:19:26
prove that I'm a guy guy okay what do guy guys do that I don't do sports sports you can't play anything I love
00:19:32
ping pong not a sport I love um soccer I know but you don't play it
00:19:39
really do you play football sure I've I've kicked a ball around that's not what football is the soccer
00:19:45
though American football all right okay so real football I do like sports I like MMA a lot okay I watch it all the time
00:19:52
so that makes me a guy no no that doesn't make you a guy right women women like MMA too making you a
00:20:00
guy's guy means you're a kind of guy that men feel a masculine vibe from and they want
00:20:06
to hang out with but do you think you're reading my size and that also goes into it right most
00:20:11
little men like ice guy yeah wait doc doc black magic is a guy's got
00:20:20
I'm not this is not a defense no no Doc is a guy's pal not a guy's guy right and my guy's payoff pal you're a guy's pal
00:20:26
all right so he's not a guy's guy he's not a guy guy right you're a guy pal right so we're both guys Pals right you
00:20:32
are is Andrea's the guy's guy no no all right he's a guy's pal George is
00:20:38
actually a guy's guy George is the guy's guy he is why because he raises chickens well yes he's very he's very like um
00:20:45
like George can camp he can set up a tent like George has manly skills that make him a guy's guy just because he's
00:20:51
not he's not being a sports to be a guy George and George does like sports but George has guy guy thinks he can do
00:20:56
masculine manly [ __ ] like the other day I bought this um I I think I know
00:21:02
what you're saying so I went when I was in Oklahoma I bought this time out real fast you're a guy's got you're a guy's
00:21:08
pal he's the guy's pal Fancy's a guy's gal oh you're a guy's cow yeah I get it now
00:21:14
you understand now it's very clear to me guys guys you definitely are the guys guy pal gal pal yeah I mean look at how
00:21:20
he said yeah that's a guy that's a guy's gal yeah Gaga or you said it that's a gal Pals he's fancy as a gal pal yeah
00:21:28
you know I I wear underwear like you yeah right and the only underwear I wear
00:21:34
is me undies because they're the most comfortable they have the best um patterns and Designs the material they
00:21:40
use is better than all underwears I've used you know those days when your coffee shop is out of cold brew and your
00:21:46
air conditioner breaks and you try to go to the beach but there's zero parking spots yeah life can be hard right Andrew
00:21:52
it can good thing me undies is here to help you take a break from the hearts hardships of the world and give yourself
00:21:58
a soft summer yeah I want a soft summer because I can tell you summer can be sweaty but your butt doesn't have to be
00:22:04
you can keep that tushy dry with me on these light and breathable micro modal fabric you can stay comfy all summer
00:22:09
long and cool they have super fun seasonal prints and tons of styles to choose from from extra small me to 4XL
00:22:15
Bobby so you can bring the beach to your butt without leaving your living room and I gotta tell you we've been wearing me undies and talking about them for
00:22:21
years prior to even us getting a sponsor from them on this show yeah and I love
00:22:26
me undies and here as well why when I wash them they're just as comfortable sometimes you wash underwear and it gets
00:22:33
frayed and gets hard and it feels like a towel after you have a beach towel Andy stays soft so my Pepito and my tushi
00:22:40
like how smooth it is what do you love about me undies Bob I love it because
00:22:45
um it's something about the flexibility of the fabric like you know I used to go and perform and be and dance around in
00:22:53
my underwear Beyond these underwear right and it's the best underwear to just do active things so you like to do
00:22:58
act outs if you guys like act outs you can wear me on these underwear mionys has a great outfit for our listeners for
00:23:03
the first time purchasers you get 15 off if you sign up for their free to join membership you can apply to get that 15
00:23:09
off their already discounted membership prices to get 50 off your first order and 100 satisfaction guaranteed go to
00:23:16
meundies.com fancy that's me undies.com fancy
00:23:21
doordash oh my God what do you use every time you leave what app is on your phone for free and I'm gonna I want to prove
00:23:27
to people people prove it I'm gonna prove to you number one I have a doordash app right here right and I go
00:23:33
to orders right and if I go to orders here on my doordash app right yesterday May 10th I got Casita Del Campo oh I
00:23:40
love Casino Saturday April 30th I got BOA Steakhouse I get all everything from bo uh from um doordash it's my favorite
00:23:46
it's amazing because doordash connects you with the restaurants you love right now and right to your door uh skit you know those grocery store Essentials you
00:23:52
can get those with doordash you can get drinks and snacks and household items delivered in under one hour dinner yeah dinner deodorant check check morning
00:24:00
pick me up from Dunkin Donuts check check get everything you need whenever you need it with doordash door Dash
00:24:06
incredible I got over 300 000 Partners in the US Puerto Rico Canada and Australia support your neighborhood go-to's or you pick from your favorite
00:24:11
National chains and let me tell you Bob and I promoted this stuff because we both use doordash I like it it's efficient they haven't messed up and
00:24:18
that's why I keep using them no matter where I go or what kind of food I want to eat for a limited time guys our
00:24:23
listeners get 25 off and zero delivery fees on their first order of 15 or more
00:24:29
when you download the doordash app and enter code bad friends 2022. that's 25 off up to a ten dollar value and zero
00:24:35
delivery fees on your first order when you download the doordash app in the app store enter the code bad friends 2022.
00:24:40
don't forget that's code bad friends 2022 for 25 off your first order with doordash subject to change terms apply
00:24:48
so when I was in Oklahoma I bought a thing I went to this Native American Exposition and I bought like a thing
00:24:55
where you put on the wall and you and you put your keys on it right and some guy had a dream catch here
00:25:00
[Laughter]
00:25:05
I think I explained it wrong do you put keys on there that you wish are cars that you had
00:25:12
and they're in the back of it there's no like way of like there's no hook or
00:25:17
anything right so I just put it against the wall just slides off I I don't know how to do it right right so I looked at
00:25:22
George and I go hey can you do this for me and the other day he brought screws
00:25:28
and a little thing and he started doing it guys got it yeah he never hung it up yet
00:25:34
um I didn't want to get in trouble uh doing something to your wall so I was hoping you would uh put a few Nails into them oh yeah I can do that by the way a
00:25:42
conscious guy's guy yeah he doesn't want to [ __ ] [ __ ] up he can help you but he doesn't want to ruin it I'll put a hole
00:25:47
right in your wall and not think about it all right okay that's it guys I'm a neanderthal guys I'm not he's Advanced
00:25:53
yeah I'm just like that's right I want to break it and I'll fix it later all
00:25:58
right so then you know what I I think now I'm leaning more toward you know I mean a guy's power you're a guy's pal
00:26:03
yeah yeah guys guys guys pal guys gal yeah or gal pal now having sex right
00:26:09
does that affect the way you make love absolutely so do you do this like I lock
00:26:15
eyes you don't lock eyes um I always well I don't all right what do I do well
00:26:21
no no I can't look into your eyes all right I I'm an eye Locker you just eye luck yeah it's creepy
00:26:28
right I'm closed eyes mostly yeah yeah like when I'm eating her out I we lock I
00:26:33
have look at me how did you you look she looks she's staring right now yeah she's always going no no stop stop but but guys guys PALS
00:26:41
like you are more are more sensitive lovemakers that's right yes yeah yeah we
00:26:47
I do thigh Works George and I are ground in pound yeah yeah yeah I do that I do finger four leg lock and I've got you
00:26:53
yeah right and I'm your naked choke I'm just I'm drilling yeah right you're
00:27:00
painting and maybe you'll find like an iron ore or something and sometimes you do get something good yeah yeah yeah you are painting Strokes smooth smooth and
00:27:07
soft yeah George and I are Jackhammer right right but could I just say an Andreas when he has sex yes he sings
00:27:18
he just sings in Spanish when he makes love or a little creepier he does what the Riddler does and he sings Ave Maria
00:27:28
and they're just like and you wear that little green mask that you got at the Army Surplus Store
00:27:35
right not to by the way not to step on toes or infringe on people's privacy but I gotta tell you yeah Fancy's wife came
00:27:42
along this weekend to say hi and I want to say this she is [ __ ] beautiful she
00:27:48
is beautiful she you have a stunningly beautiful wife yeah it is really and she's sweet and she's smart and she's
00:27:54
cool and she's successful and I I keep going why does she [ __ ] fancy and I know that's a sheep joke but honestly after
00:28:01
this morning right now of course she wants to [ __ ] a gal pal yeah she wants a [ __ ] guys gal yeah
00:28:09
she wants a gal pal because he's sensitive he's sweet he's loving he's caring he's hard working he's intelligent yeah she wants a guy's pal
00:28:16
she wants a guy he wants a guy's pal you want a gals pal no no she is that what it is you're a guy's pal I'm a guy she
00:28:23
would never [ __ ] you I she wants a guy's gal I get it which is fantastic I understand
00:28:28
I understand could I just say something too I think I saw a clip that really I had to turn it off because it kind of
00:28:34
he put a chill down my spine and it made me shiver right in a wrong in the bad way in a bad
00:28:41
way negative shivering in a negative shiver and what it was and I think I saw it correctly I'm not sure it was at your
00:28:47
show were you in the audience yeah yeah yeah was there any point where you stood up
00:28:54
faced the audience and did a wave and got like a cheer yes yeah that was the
00:28:59
grossest thing
00:29:11
it's the grossest thing I had ever witnessed in a live show in my life
00:29:17
buddy it's not a bad friend's event it's his own show number two right you're
00:29:24
just soaking up love and it makes me so sad for you right now how did that feel defend
00:29:29
yourself fans I was recording in the event he was he was working the event and I was actually
00:29:37
behind the curtains well you know and then Andrew said hey come here fancy so
00:29:42
I just like poke I don't know I never said I don't think you did that one how did you do that on your own I went like
00:29:47
this I went like this go back go Back come on the stage
00:29:52
and I said fancy go back if I back away yeah yeah
00:29:58
[Applause]
00:30:10
also come here look everybody give it up for fancy B the fancy B came along oh my god get off my stage
00:30:19
that's insane they love fancy so much that was that's what I felt that was him yeah
00:30:26
um because you know what the power of this show and the fame of the the success of this show which we're very appreciative of for the fans it's gone
00:30:33
to some of these guys heads I I didn't want to say it out loud but I believe that's I'll say it yeah it's definitely
00:30:39
gone to Fancy's head Carlos now I mean he he's gotten a little out of control because he's on a couple right he does
00:30:46
this sometimes but he does trash Tuesday a lot right so he's soaking in a lot of like little side Fame you know here's
00:30:52
about how it goes that's his Vibe dude let's look at Clark Kent okay so if Superman can somehow touch
00:31:00
his friends and give them a little bit of his power oh yeah right because he doesn't show off the fly he
00:31:07
only does it when there's an emergency oh the sky skyscraper is falling I gotta fly up right I have to save it but these
00:31:13
guys let's say these guys were Superman's friends they would be all day long just kind of going 100 feet off the
00:31:18
ground just on the street and just telling people like look what I got that's what it is you know what I mean
00:31:23
look what I could do if you could put a little laser out of their eyes right and burn like I could see this they're
00:31:30
bringing all the neighborhood people out right and putting a [ __ ] like aluminum can on like a you know what I mean and doing it and people going yay
00:31:38
right and that's what they're doing yeah it just pops a little bit it's so [ __ ] sad but can I tell you something
00:31:44
what who's Superman in this whole thing because he's really to blame
00:31:49
you it's you what you're Superman thank you you're Superman Superman yes yeah you are that
00:31:57
guy I'm Harvey Dent oh you're no I I don't believe that I know it's a different movie but it's a
00:32:03
completely different movie yeah that's that's why I didn't equate it I just met one side of my face is nicer than the other
00:32:09
yeah you think there's a do no you know what I can say you are like Harvey Dan I think there's a duality yeah and
00:32:16
obviously you're a very sweet guy but then you sometimes scream yeah sometimes I lose it you lose it and I you know
00:32:22
that's the Harvey Dent side I very I'm very dent-esque qualities I mean that's the uh you know I don't what's the name
00:32:28
of that actor Aaron Eckhart Aaron Ecker man I [ __ ] love that guy he's a great actor Thank You for Smoking
00:32:36
this guy made a million [ __ ] hits by the way great look at how many hits he's made London has fallen yeah
00:32:42
he did one that was really bad I Frankenstein did he do that oh wow that is a bad
00:32:48
[ __ ] terrible at least he gets a chance to do big [ __ ] bad movies I want to do a big bad movie I want to be in a huge failure
00:32:55
I want to be in a huge [ __ ] failure you do I think there's something beautiful about that yeah but if you
00:33:01
stop getting into those situations you get a bunch before that and then you do one big bad one and they don't talk to you for a long time which I think is
00:33:07
kind of a beautiful thing yeah who's another who's somebody that had that going like a ton of [ __ ] went right and then one thing went wrong yeah but the
00:33:13
thing that went wrong look at Kim Basinger's career Kim Basinger was supposed to be the next greatest actress
00:33:20
yeah I have a I haven't what movie did she do that well let's see I'm just gonna find out because she fell deep
00:33:26
down the rabbit I know somebody that kind of like had to shift was uh Halle Berry
00:33:31
Catwoman oh that was bad for her yeah that was bad for her but she but she's so cool no she's in moonfall
00:33:41
you know she's in moonfall that's good is it better to burn out or to fade away
00:33:47
ah wow is it I don't think the same thing no what the [ __ ] do we burn out
00:33:52
and fade away they're both bad do you not know this song no no yeah
00:34:04
there it is right so who knows this song do you not know what I'm saying I want to know the difference between Neil
00:34:10
Young Neil Young I want to know the difference between I'm so sorry burning out and fading away burning out I'll
00:34:15
give you okay I'll give you a fading away fading always what would be go ahead Andres you want to make an
00:34:21
analogy who's an actor that's faded away like Kim basing her basically faded away
00:34:27
who's an actor that burnt out fancy um Willa Smith no no I'd go Robert De
00:34:34
Niro faded away because he stopped doing like real rolls yeah that's true that is very [ __ ] that is so sad and so true
00:34:40
because he started doing bad [ __ ] like lame [ __ ] because he didn't want to have to act anymore right he wanted to do like [ __ ] the [ __ ] not the [ __ ]
00:34:48
uh rocking Bullwinkle that when he did that I was like what the [ __ ] is going on he faded away now who burnt out but
00:34:53
could I just Johnny Depp Johnny don't burn the [ __ ] out he went out and he's going out in Flames
00:35:00
I don't think so I think there's gonna be a he'll never come back from this those people both of them are like are
00:35:06
gonna be [ __ ] I don't disagree I'll bet you my bank account neither of them will work again what is work again okay they won't be
00:35:15
movie stars ever again so what you're saying to me is I'm gonna I'm gonna be I'm not gonna sit in the theater you're not gonna see Johnny Depp
00:35:20
in a blockbuster film you'll see him in any Indie movies maybe yeah yeah it's like James Franco Franco's never
00:35:26
going to work again but he'll work do you know what I mean they're never gonna make him a movie star again right because of all that [ __ ] but he's gonna
00:35:33
do he'll work but he'll never be he'll never be in Blockbusters like he used to be no unless he does an indie movie that
00:35:41
becomes a blockbuster I know but I think I love when that happens but that'll only happen if but the industry the Indie Market is so fickle that I think
00:35:49
they wouldn't let it go through do you know what I mean Nicholas Cage you know that's someone Nicholas Cage but he's
00:35:54
trying to come back yeah that movie helped him it's not just
00:35:59
that he did Mandy he did a bunch of like smaller really smaller movies that were
00:36:04
really good Mandy was so good right so I think that he is coming back he's trying
00:36:10
but he but he has a chance to because he hasn't done anything [ __ ] egregious right these other guys are getting
00:36:16
clipped so they're doing [ __ ] up [ __ ] and then they're like well we can't let you back um that's what happens
00:36:21
like they used to burning out I I think it's better to fade away than to burn
00:36:26
out I think burnout always looks bad yeah the Neil Young was saying you should burn out he says it's better to
00:36:33
burn out than to fade away I don't know if that's true what would you want I want to fade away
00:36:39
yeah I want to say goodbye and good night but either way though what does it mean it's like if I burned out right
00:36:47
let's suppose I burned out and I burned out with money like you know who's burnt out who but in
00:36:52
but it's it's more tragic like Britney Spears burned out ah you know what I mean it's like sad
00:36:58
and it's weird now and now it's like you know who's about to burn out I sent you that article
00:37:03
[ __ ] Madonna if she keeps whatever up she's doing she's about to burn out she's gotten weirder and weird [ __ ]
00:37:10
like partying with Drake and Julia Fox you're like what are you what Madonna reveals fully nude nfts and a shocking
00:37:16
3D model of her vagina yeah that's weird getting in a weird Zone but she's being
00:37:22
a star for so many decades that's the problem so you gotta slowly fade away you don't need this anymore you don't
00:37:28
need the money you don't need the attention that's [ __ ] hot as [ __ ] that's hot as [ __ ]
00:37:34
like that of a tree I see it's growing out our [ __ ] I was right you're right my bad oh he's
00:37:40
pushing against the resistance of the Earth this is beautiful this video by the way
00:37:47
this is so like she's burning out here it's always proves the boundaries
00:37:55
some of my branches chop me down
00:38:03
they will never destroy my essence
00:38:10
nor extinguish my soul can you go whoa that's a dope Loop pause
00:38:16
to the vagina part that would it's blurry they blurt it on purpose oh they did you see that Loop how incredible that was it went back to a flower that
00:38:22
turned into your vagina again I'm buying it yeah scroll down I'm gonna buy this nft I want to buy it
00:38:27
it's actually a beautiful poem that she wrote to go along with it yeah my issue inherently is
00:38:34
oh it's with people who people who the [ __ ] is he's the the biggest uh nft guy
00:38:39
or like he started as a digital artist that was huge and then jumped in that video is incredible I'm gonna give her a lot of props that was [ __ ] awesome
00:38:45
video I just think sometimes she's oh now butterflies come out of her puss too yeah yeah see this is what happens if
00:38:51
you have a double vagina a kid comes out of one A Tree Grows out of the other one yeah if you if you met a girl and she spread
00:38:58
her legs and butterflies came out what would you do I'd save some of them
00:39:04
I know but would you would I continue I don't know what could can butterflies
00:39:09
hurt your penis I can't imagine they would nibble do they have teeth they oh you're right I don't know I
00:39:16
don't think they do do butterflies have teeth I don't I don't think they do yeah but I think they would just flutter on your maybe it'd add to the vibration
00:39:22
maybe or one would just land on the tip right just one on the tip just one on
00:39:27
the tip butterflies don't have teeth they do have Probus a Probus is basically an elongated snout that's
00:39:32
straightened by hydrostatic pressure allowing them to drink the nectar from the two black flowers they could drink
00:39:38
out of the tip of your penis Bob right they would die instantly so they
00:39:43
would die instantly yeah shrivel up I think it'd be harmless there's a [ __ ] meme or there's a there's a trend on the
00:39:50
internet going around about young people on on Tick Tock and stuff that didn't know that Madonna's Like a Prayer was about a
00:39:57
[ __ ] it was are you [ __ ] joking no
00:40:03
wait look at the lyrics for Like a Prayer what do you mean just look up lyrics for Like a Bird what
00:40:08
I thought it was about Jesus and praying well sex and God and all these things are kind of intertwined the poem she
00:40:14
just did with that tree zoom in and look at this when you call my name it's like a little prayer I'm down on my knees I want to
00:40:20
take you there in the Midnight Hour I can feel your power yeah that's God what yeah you're getting on your knees
00:40:26
you're in church right at the middle of the night that's when God comes to you when God comes for sure no well God
00:40:31
comes to you at night and and he comes and let's read the lyrics I close my eyes that's how I pray oh my God I'm
00:40:38
thinking I'm falling that's how I feel like that's how I feel when I'm coming I feel like I'm falling off no I feel like my life is falling apart and I'm falling
00:40:44
well there's a personal thing right now for you right so um you call my name is like a little prayer I'm down on my
00:40:51
knees I want to take you there where would you want to take God to I'm down on my knees I want to take you there to
00:40:57
take you there to my pain no but see it you're reading between the lines here
00:41:02
that's what music is [ __ ] music is all about missing is about interpret you whisper softly to me that's how God
00:41:07
doesn't yell hey cut it out yeah yeah no he's like
00:41:12
cut it out no no God's a yeller oh yeah you're in control you're right you're in
00:41:18
control just like a child now I'm dancing it's like a dream no end no beginning you're here with me it's like a dream let the choir sing you call my
00:41:25
name it's like a prayer I'm down on my knees come on the Midnight Hour I can feel your power this is about giving head
00:41:33
yeah I I don't read it that way we're getting about Jesus or getting head it could be her getting head okay
00:41:39
how about Papa Don't Preach then oh it's about [ __ ] her dad
00:41:46
the greatest thing that you've ever done for me Andrew of all time is doing the show with you I know that's and but the
00:41:52
second greatest thing is you got me a buffy comforter I did and right now the that Buffy comforter is on my main
00:41:58
master bedroom and here's why I like Buffy comforters genuinely okay it's about to be hot it's starting to get hot
00:42:04
in L.A Bingo Buffy comforters don't get you sweaty okay they stay super soft
00:42:10
super technology it's like cool like last night it was hot yeah and The Buffy comforter was cool it's so good now
00:42:17
sometimes you have to flip your pillow right to get the cool side the puffy comforter is always cool it's always cool baby you don't have to flip it it's
00:42:23
softer than cotton it's naturally suits your skin it's sustainable eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to
00:42:28
grow and his fiber is produced by recyclable Earth friendly solvents it's hypoallergenic just like Bobby which
00:42:34
means you won't sneeze uh plus it's high thread count shuts out dust mold might
00:42:39
for a healthier sleeping environment Gene washable man thanks to an Innovative stitching pattern that keeps
00:42:45
it fluffy fill in place it keeps it fluffy the inside fill of each comet is made from 100 recycled bottles that are
00:42:51
transformed and give it a second life as a super fluffy fiber it feels even softer than down while keeping approximately 50 bottles out of
00:42:57
landfills and ocean for twenty dollars off your Buffy comforter visit buffy.com
00:43:02
and enter bad friends you can try a comforter in your own bed for free if you don't love it return it at zero cost
00:43:09
for 20 off your Buffy comforter visit buffy.com like I said and enter bad friends that's right for 20 off your
00:43:15
Buffy comforter visit buffy.com into the code bad friends papa papa
00:43:20
I know you're going to be upset all right there you go because I was always your little girl but you know by now I'm
00:43:26
not a baby oh she's saying I have hair down there is that what she's she's hitting on her dad right Dad I have hair
00:43:32
down there you always tell me right from wrong I need your help please be strong I may be young at heart but you know what I'm saying what are you saying
00:43:40
whatever all of her stuff is sexualized like I'm the dad and say that to me the way the lyrics are and I'm the dad you
00:43:45
want me to sing them to you yeah it's like I'm home from school maybe she's from college Papa I know you're gonna be
00:43:52
upset because I was always your little girl what yeah wait wait how was school well you should know by now I'm not a
00:43:58
baby this sounds like an intro to a porn movie right this is like a step porn movie and you hear it
00:44:06
Daddy please be strong yeah yeah I hate the word Daddy I hate it I hate it does Kyle ever call
00:44:13
you Daddy you don't do that sex stuff daddy she calls me uh Papa that's cute that's endearing that's
00:44:20
endearing yeah but not Daddy you know whose wife calls him daddy I know when she was when she was ready
00:44:26
to go she goes daddy we have to go home now oh my God fancy yeah and he goes
00:44:32
shut your mouth Andrew and he didn't want me to talk about I didn't want to talk about it no you know what he does when he gets home and I and and this is
00:44:38
not even a joke I really believe this you put on a black leather right pelvis
00:44:45
velvet again no The Mask has only a zipper here right and you get into a
00:44:52
wooden [ __ ] you know what I mean cabinet or something right and you go good night and she closes it she locks
00:44:58
it right and that's how you sleep that's how you sleep nothing sexual about it but that's just comfort for him do you
00:45:04
do that yeah how do you know I have a feeling I just have a feeling
00:45:10
that Andres is the one in the relationship that wears lingerie yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah he
00:45:18
feels like he wants to be pretty yeah what is it when the girl [ __ ] him with a dildo pegging she pegs you oh yeah
00:45:24
right it's look personal you didn't disclose this thing you don't we
00:45:29
disclose it you don't have to we're doing it for you and then you look at the dildo and you go made in the USA
00:45:34
you're an American now right that was part of becoming a citizen yeah
00:45:40
you can only use dildos made in the USA or China because that's you know can I
00:45:45
see something every dildo is made in China I also wanted to ask you a personal question if you don't mind right he definitely Minds yeah
00:45:51
um you don't seem like somebody that is an aggressive aggressor like in terms of
00:45:57
like who made the first move when it comes to boinking back in the day when you first dated her I did do you believe
00:46:03
that no I guess I don't either yeah are you excited to go back to Oklahoma to
00:46:09
film I'm not going back wait where are you leaving to Florida why what's in Florida oh doing will sasso's movie oh
00:46:15
wow just a couple of scenes is it something he wrote no a company's I
00:46:21
don't know he's in it yeah he's in it he's the star of it and they asked me to be in a couple of scenes that's awesome
00:46:28
yeah so I'm just gonna go do that back to the old Mad TV days you in the SAS yeah and I just work with Ike and uh
00:46:33
Nick Kroll and those guys for history of the world curl wasn't on Mad TV was he no but he was there
00:46:39
he was around he's like producing it or something Mr with Mel
00:46:44
Brooks is it a remake unless that they're doing the second part huh
00:46:51
I loved her you know well hold the real reason why I did it was because I thought I'm gonna meet Mel
00:46:57
Brooks but I guess he's not he doesn't come he does everything through Zoom because of covet and stuff he's an old man he's
00:47:03
a hundred isn't he the oldest man in the world the 2000 year old man the two thousand years
00:47:08
old yeah George because Mel Brooks is somebody somebody I got one chance he's 95. yeah
00:47:15
he's not 80 that's nuts that's insane because you know as a kid even I
00:47:20
remember watching Spaceballs or so good you know Blazing Saddles and yeah I'm
00:47:25
Frankenstein young Frank oh my God one of the greatest movies of all time in terms of Comedy that movie is so [ __ ]
00:47:31
funny his bloodline is incredible what do you mean Albert Brooks oh yeah that's his son
00:47:37
are you joking no Albert Brooks is Mel Brooks's son what planet am I living I did not know I
00:47:45
honestly I did not know wait I don't believe you I don't believe you I don't believe you saw me looking at myself
00:47:53
I will say isn't isn't uh uh Super Dave Osborne was name his name was Bob
00:47:58
Einstein he was Albert Brooks's brother isn't that true isn't that crazy Albert Brooks is Bob Einstein
00:48:05
AKA Super Dave Osborne rest in peace he's his brother he was so good he had the best joke
00:48:12
Albert Brooks his dad is now um number one and also the movie the mother
00:48:18
has nothing to do with this robot anyway yeah yeah I [ __ ] it all up Super Dave Osborne by the way has the best joke go
00:48:23
to YouTube If you want a good laugh Super Dave Osborne told a joke to Seinfeld and Larry David on the set of
00:48:31
um curb to Super Dave Osborne curb joke and I gotta tell ya
00:48:37
maybe one of the funniest jokes I've ever seen live and you can tell that neither of them know it was coming
00:48:43
that's it right there Marty Funkhouser watch this Bob you have to watch this clip
00:48:49
Jerry Marty Funk hey Marty how you doing how you doing good wanna hear a joke no he doesn't want to hear a joke we have a
00:48:55
read through yeah let's get right through it okay a woman's very afraid of the size of her opening what is she
00:49:00
afraid of the size of her opening so she goes to her mother she says what am I going to do I'm so big down there
00:49:06
when I marry Harry he's going to divorce me her mother says don't worry sweetheart it runs in the family do what
00:49:11
I did when I married your father go to the market get some raw liver put it in there and never know the difference oh my God so she does we have eight hours
00:49:19
of sex after their marriage she wakes up at 10 o'clock he's gone but there's a note on her pillow says my darling
00:49:25
Harriet to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so a lot I'm surprised it didn't wake you up the only reason I'm
00:49:32
not here now darling is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house a picket fence we'll have dogs and
00:49:37
children ah this is not so bad oh yeah this is great when you finish the [ __ ] joke when the five o'clock dinner bell rings
00:49:43
I will be home like the winged gossamer of your loving your arms your loving husband Mary that's nice P.S your cut is
00:49:49
in the sink
00:49:56
from what I've heard Seinfeld didn't know the joke was coming yeah yeah so just rewind I want to see his response
00:50:03
or just a second back when he says it watch watch Seinfeld's face rings I will be home like the winged
00:50:09
gossamer of your loving your arms your loving husband that's nice P.S your is
00:50:15
in the sink [Laughter]
00:50:28
rest in peace yeah yeah [ __ ] Bob Einstein he died yeah Super Dave passed
00:50:33
away wow I don't remember I remember it was it was only like a year or two ago right
00:50:38
wow he died yeah Super Dave click on Super Dave uh George please yeah yeah I
00:50:43
I I don't remember how he passed away and he wasn't an old she he was a young
00:50:49
man um he was 76. yeah is it still young relatively I guess yeah oh cancer yeah
00:50:56
[ __ ] cancer gets down he gets you my buddy my buddy's going to see his a
00:51:01
family member that's got cancer today and it's uh that's it I feel comedy coming
00:51:08
I feel a joke the joke is no so whose friends has
00:51:14
cancer no my buddy's Uncle and he's going to see him today I felt terrible for him because they got like you know they get the end diagnosis if if I if I
00:51:22
told you yeah it made me think genuinely if the doctor says Bobby
00:51:27
you you got four months to live I I I'm not and and there this is it it what are
00:51:33
you doing for four months are you gonna quit the podcast oh yeah you'd quit [ __ ] yeah man no there's just
00:51:40
too much to do there's just too much to do but we could we could we could we could Chronicle your cancer and your death I got before that I have to get
00:51:48
this golden clock in stardew Valley [Laughter]
00:51:56
because now right and it costs 10 million dollars because I already bought the obelisks and I bought the [ __ ] um
00:52:01
the little staff that gets you returns home right so I'm like I'm I'm like a week away from getting the [ __ ]
00:52:07
golden clock so that's the first thing I did you're right there well I'm right there right would you would you quit tiger belly oh yeah yeah yeah so they're
00:52:13
all gone there's too much to do man okay the second thing is that I would call Bethesda that's the golden clock Maryland yeah
00:52:20
Bethesda yeah I think they are in Maryland but there is a city called Maryland but Bethesda soft works and I
00:52:25
go can I get an early audition of Starfield the game that's coming out in November
00:52:31
an early edition yeah because I'm sure they're working out the Kinks about good Kinks with all the Kinks I don't care
00:52:37
because I'm dying in four months I gotta play it I've been waiting 15 years for this [ __ ] game is Kinks a racial
00:52:42
epithet IC what I don't know they used to call that to me in high school but I was I was wave when they called me that good
00:52:48
what's up you [ __ ] Kink yeah what's up hey yeah so you want that so you want the golden clock what else would I want
00:52:54
you want to get the stardew valley Bethesda asked if they can give you the early release what else are you gonna do four months man and then the real stuff
00:53:00
I would do that but and then being real but also I would make some amends
00:53:06
not all right and then I would also do this there's a guy that you can hire
00:53:12
to speak on your behalf at your funeral so there's a guy that you can hire so he this guy you hire and he'll say stuff
00:53:18
like uh yeah so Ted died but he wants hit your wife Amanda he even he's been
00:53:25
seeing somebody else for the last 10 years or this guy will say stuff like yeah Frank he was gay right right he
00:53:32
didn't want to come out when it was alive what's this man called what I don't know what his name is the truth spitter I don't I don't know but I would
00:53:39
hire him to say certain things to people yeah yeah while you're alive or waiting
00:53:44
no what I'm dead yeah so we have to get together with that guy and go all right so I want you to say this to Kevin right
00:53:50
you have to say this to Kevin and but Kevin won't go to your funeral but I want to make sure he goes I like that
00:53:56
yeah yeah uh you have to say this to Dr Ken you have to say this to Andrew yeah
00:54:02
right to me yeah yeah there's just certain things that he needs to say to the people I I can't say you know what I
00:54:08
mean While I'm Alive what is it for me that I love you is that what you can't say to me um it was okay
00:54:15
you know I would say I wouldn't hired him do that no I would say all the things that I was going to say to you I
00:54:21
would say to your face yeah there would be some letters right and then there were some be some stuff that I would
00:54:27
want to say after I'm dead and then um are you taking any trips four months
00:54:34
you're about to die you're not gonna go where am I gonna go I'm gonna be dead there too I mean I'm dead no but I'm jumping on a private chat to go where
00:54:41
all the places I haven't been yeah but for me I've never been everywhere but I've been to every
00:54:47
environment I would jump on a private jet spend 24 hours in a bunch of different places and just keep chatting
00:54:52
around I would waste all my money on private what I'm saying is what's the difference between Tulum and Hawaii if
00:54:57
they're all tropical so why would you want I haven't been to Tallulah but I've been to Hawaii because of [ __ ] right I think Tulum and Hawaii are completely
00:55:03
different places I know in terms of in terms of in in the time temperature climate okay there's way more than just
00:55:09
temperature all right so there's palm trees in Hawaii and Tulum what else is different except for Mexicans culture
00:55:15
food what do you mean but like the hotel room is what Bobby's saying like right yeah yeah the four seasons of The Four
00:55:20
Seasons everywhere that's what I'm saying I understand yeah yeah that's insane right so I've been to
00:55:26
um cold places like I've never been to Antarctica but like why would I want to go there why not I've been to Canada
00:55:31
same place yeah yeah it's the feeling is a little bit more south a little bit yeah yeah all right so you're not taking
00:55:37
trips We're not gonna do trips what else are you gonna go try anything like are you gonna jump out of an airplane or
00:55:43
bungee jump or do something never done before no because I'm going to be in heaven I'm going to do that there you don't have bungee jumping anymore and
00:55:48
have enough to the accident oh really they had to stop doing it you would think there would be like you you have a little [ __ ] bungee attached to a
00:55:54
cloud one guy [ __ ] up it ruins it for everybody else we went all the way down to Hell right
00:56:00
right it's snapped hold me back up I just couldn't yeah so then um what else would I do
00:56:07
um a lot of like real amends like I'm sorry that I did that yeah but what about for you what about what don't you
00:56:12
want to feel some gratification for would you use again you'd probably relapse no I would you wouldn't no I
00:56:17
want to see God sober
00:56:27
do you think it when you die of heroin you're high when you get to heaven or hell I think you're groggy a little bit
00:56:32
up there so how many days did it take to get back to normal probably a week yeah you're just on a cloud
00:56:38
it's just twitching and sweating going through [ __ ] withdrawals right yeah the worst would be if you if you're
00:56:45
going to withdrawals and then you're in a pit of fire in hell and you never get away from the withdrawals that's what hell is wow for the rest of time what
00:56:53
would you do I told you partially I would get on a private jet and I would literally tour with my family and friends all over the
00:56:59
world and just spend like a day in a bunch of crazy places spend money that means he has money eat as much food
00:57:06
watch spend every dime I have right I have zero intention on keeping any of my money if I knew I was gonna die oh so
00:57:12
you wouldn't leave for some for your sister for who your sister get a [ __ ] job
00:57:17
your family get a [ __ ] job yeah no I would leave some for my brother zero not
00:57:22
one [ __ ] dime will be left when I die why I can't have a little no nothing I'm
00:57:28
spending literally all of it in fact I'm gonna have an accountant budget out what I could spend where I could eat fancy restaurants private chefs I I would
00:57:34
spend every dime I've ever [ __ ] worked hard to make and save I'd take it all out of everything that I've ever invested in and I would throw it and I
00:57:41
would throw it away so [ __ ] fast but I wouldn't buy things I would do it by experiences I'm buying private jets all
00:57:48
over the world to exotic places to eat amazing meals and and Bone my bone my woman on the
00:57:55
beach and get a ticket for it yeah go to prison for it
00:58:01
and then I would after I tour around the world for one month Jet Jet Jet setting
00:58:07
then I would spend the next month um seeing family and extended members of
00:58:12
friends and saying my goodbye and I would say because I don't want this close to the end I want to do it now and get it over with
00:58:18
and then the last two months I would try to physically set Hollywood on fire
00:58:23
[Laughter]
00:58:31
I would try to blow up every Studio you know what I would do the day after you your funeral this would be devastating so I'm at your
00:58:38
funeral right right and people are grieving yeah they're grieving I'll say hi I'll hug
00:58:45
your parents right your sister I'll hug a little extra no yeah just a little actually because she's grieving no all
00:58:51
right all right right hold on no right so then um and the next
00:58:59
day I would come to the studio and continue bad friends with Anthony
00:59:05
would you be mad no you'll be in heaven the money would
00:59:10
still go to my account would it really yeah I've set it up that way all right yeah honestly would you
00:59:18
guys please if he died and Doc still wanted to do it and Jules and everyone want to do it and we just
00:59:24
needed a second guy it would not be the same without you okay but would you if I would you continue it be honest
00:59:31
I would hope you would just because I'm dead really hard on the name and the brand right who's we
00:59:38
yeah yeah so the brand baby so what would you
00:59:43
do man I would definitely keep doing it yeah how about you George no way no way
00:59:48
it wouldn't be the same you got to start something different God bless oh who would change the name a little bit stop it you're good friends George Kimmel
00:59:54
what you're the [ __ ] man I love you to death you see that I was giving you guys not I said yeah you should continue doing it but George what he said he goes
01:00:00
we should change the name and start a new show what would you do the day after my funeral like a kenjong in here
01:00:08
I just I know so many more Koreans now I know you do so Steven young could pop right by yeah you know who really fit in
01:00:14
David Cho yeah I would [ __ ] love to that would be a banger no but let's be honest you want the
01:00:21
truth yeah nobody in my comedy career have I ever had what
01:00:26
I have with you nobody me too no no I'm serious I'm being real there's nobody I've messed with as more as fun as we do
01:00:33
comedically than any comic I've ever worked with so no it would never be the same and that being said we want to take
01:00:39
two seconds right now to say thank you to the fans it means a lot to us that you guys watch the show we continue doing the show with or without little
01:00:46
black magic and Rudy they'll both be back when they can we also want to remind you we are doing more fan
01:00:51
interactions we're going to be setting up some stuff and we're not gonna announce the date but we are going to be doing a bad friends live soon doing a
01:00:58
bad friends live stream soon so you can you can see that we've got a ton of special surprises 2023 we also want to
01:01:05
do way more live dates yeah me and Andrew go on the road next year we want to do we want to do a bunch of stuff together to come see we're also going to
01:01:12
sometimes now have some guests on we're gonna start having guests on the show as well yes so if you guys have suggestions
01:01:17
big ones name down below who you guys think you'd want on this show so comment who you guys think would you'd want on the show
01:01:23
um and uh we'll uh we'll start we'll start having some fun guests on the show because we think it'd be nice to mix it
01:01:29
up a little bit and then um after that I want Andres to to close out the show and uh
01:01:35
and take us home fans thank you for being a bad friend [Music]
01:01:55
foreign [Music]
