00:00:00
you two are bad these two idiots bad
00:00:10
friends people in my house that live what they treat me like I'm a [ __ ] ghetto son of all sons could you a man
00:00:17
what would you sell door-to-door if you could tour the country and sell stuff what do you think you would sell I will sell I would sell point mints oils just
00:00:27
for the Cavs like when a calves calves and get yeah when you know what calves sometimes get Soros or fool I daily
00:00:34
activities like hauling rocks or mining or whatever you do was this a lot of
00:00:39
kicks is this the pitch yeah here okay pitch me um do you ever I will go hello hi my
00:00:46
my name would be Robert hello I'm Robert Jung Lee that's my middle name hi Robert hi I'm Robert young Lee and may I ask
00:00:53
you some questions sir absolutely I've got nothing but time are your calves sore how do you know yet because do you
00:01:01
every day as we go on to our daily businesses and we um we walk mountain
00:01:07
top so weekly I'm cliff solo open clear I'm in a lot of care and we you know we
00:01:13
also do reverse kung fu kicks to the suplexes to be a yes and do you ever
00:01:19
also do sidestepping x' when you're dancing yeah you know in the country
00:01:24
line when you're in the country line and you do side steps yes you ever do that do you ever um do you ever like go when
00:01:31
you instead of saying no you do like you know me you lift your leg up yeah yeah
00:01:37
of course it when somebody says have you ever seen a jungle book the movie you go
00:01:42
no but instead of saying you put lift your leg up no yeah yeah yeah well I have the greatest oil for you okay what
00:01:49
is it this is called green stuff green stuff yeah and it's made from a low and
00:01:54
tree bark and also if you go deep in the Amazon there's a mysterious tree called
00:02:01
the carnivore a tree the kind of aura tree yeah so it eats meat the treats me
00:02:06
yeah but need you let me tell you my friend we have a technology in hand okay
00:02:12
we take a machine right Bunsen burners you take a machine you take Bunsen
00:02:18
burners it's a machine based on the Bunsen burner technique got it right and then what we do is we slice over the artery
00:02:25
of the base of the kind of or tree so the tree has veins so it has a blood
00:02:31
running through it mm-my okay a technical article tube and oh a tattoo yeah yeah we call the technological -
00:02:39
sorry I shouldn't shorten and over yeah thank you but over a six month period right we
00:02:44
slowly ionize the juices from the khawarij whoa right along with aloe and
00:02:52
also along with angel wing dust where does the aloe come from tell you what the angel wing does come from mm-hmm did
00:02:59
you know that some of our we have a crew of people who died everybody dies no we
00:03:05
flatline on purpose like in the movie Flatliners yes and what we do is we flatline for spent for a second we only
00:03:11
let them flatline for about 15 minutes because if you let them flatline more
00:03:16
than that they'll die or they'll become brain activity dead for an activity night so what we do is we flatline some
00:03:22
of our scientists teams right and in that 15 minutes they're in heaven and they hunt down angels to create the
00:03:29
angel wing dust so we shoot down angels so you kill angels yes we killed
00:03:35
okay my company just listen sir III dude let me tell you something sir I was you
00:03:42
gonna stop I wasn't even gonna stop by this house so why I'm busy I had to go to the corporate Center and sell my
00:03:47
product to business Jeff Bezos yes you
00:03:53
were selling his product if you're selling it he wants it I don't know I haven't decided what I want it Hodgins but my point is is that you're lucky to
00:03:59
have so let me finish this mm-hmm so for 15 minutes my scientists right we flatline okay and then we we hunt down
00:04:06
angels and then we do with delicately with the same technology as we do as the carnivores the Bunsen burners yeah well
00:04:13
yeah and we have a clipping mechanism called yeah alright Y all right y'all
00:04:19
right clips oh you're right clip yeah because they're very gentle on the angels we don't kill the Angels it's already dead anyway they're dead yeah
00:04:25
okay but we clip there um we clip their wings right and therefore very small angel folks you don't realize how small
00:04:32
angel people think the angels are human size they're not they're the size of little fairies sometimes angels are the
00:04:39
size of mosquitoes so they're very difficult to catch how do you delineate between an angel and a fairy how do you know which ones which then well fairies
00:04:46
because I'll tell you why because fairies live on middle-earth of course with some sections of the earth of
00:04:52
course right and they're not angels angels are dead there they live in
00:04:58
heaven but are fairies dead but what fairies die they turn into the mosquito sized angels oh right okay and those
00:05:05
ones we did we capture as well and you clip the ear we clip the wings mm-hmm
00:05:11
some years mm-hmm right but mostly wings mostly for the dust and we get the dust right with the carnivores tree extract
00:05:19
right and the aloe mm-hmm we combine this ointment called we call green stuff
00:05:24
the green stuff I remember I write and you just gently inject them in your
00:05:29
calves into my calves yeah you don't rub it on the surface okay we stick it a syringe oh it was inside my yes and the
00:05:38
muscle you inject it okay right now I'll tell you what in the beginning you won't
00:05:43
feel well I'm gonna be sick no you won't you won't be able to walk for six months six months so 1/2 year 1/2 1/2 year I
00:05:51
can't use my leg your calves will petrify a bit they'll turn actually a lot of people think that they'll turn
00:05:58
stone now Petric they'll turn into stone yep but almost like a hard quartz rock
00:06:05
huh do you ever see the movie or the TV show um Chernobyl yes those little
00:06:11
quartz rocks they find on the yeah that's my legs that's what it'll feel like nobody radiation as well Wow and
00:06:18
people around you might get cancer okay yeah but it will it make my calves feel better but in six months yeah tell you
00:06:25
what you'll run like that like that African American runner Carl Lewis Carl
00:06:31
Lewis yeah are you a Salesman from 40 years ago
00:06:37
do you mean hussein bolt Hussein bolt well I run like him okay sir sure there
00:06:46
you go there you go I have not told you the price Oh mah 4.5 my friends four
00:06:54
dollars and fifty seven point five million yeah how many injections do I get one
00:07:00
so one that's it one injection and in six months you will run like Usain Bolt
00:07:05
Hussein are you saying or whatever Hussein well you're not from where you
00:07:11
from Jamaica I'm from Jamaica yes well I'm from the section of Jamaica where he is from oh you are yeah
00:07:17
tactile village and in that a village we call him Hussein because this isn't common that's the common tongue Hussein
00:07:24
that's right like Saddam much like it okay yeah much like so for full five point four million yep four point five
00:07:31
million and we only receive cash or you only take cash do we go only take cash
00:07:36
even during the Pandy yeah can I just venmo you what's usually twelve point five that's the thing you're giving me a
00:07:43
discount off more than half off yes percent off yeah well where do I sign up
00:07:50
green stuff here's you and you don't get it right well I need to cash up front you know get it right away well then get it we're still we have two
00:07:57
scientists oh sure it's not you don't have any heaven right now caching ain't no we have some but we sold out besos besos has all of it desert says
00:08:04
one yeah yeah he paid fifteen million but you know how have you turned your Jeff Bezos into a Spanish guy Bezos
00:08:11
yeah before you go can I can I talk to you about something yeah go ahead you have to need to sell me mm-hmm
00:08:17
what is it have you ever been introduced to your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ no what is that I've never heard of that you don't know who that is no he's a
00:08:24
wonderful little man is he little he's very tiny is he a dwarf smaller oh he
00:08:30
takes away thank me dwarf well they it's a new name now it's not called pygmy anymore because that's offensive to pigs
00:08:35
oh my bad it's called it's called a muskrat dwarf a muskrat roar flus gret
00:08:41
dwarf I retain that later you can yes he has very little sharp pointy ears he hears
00:08:47
and sees everything he takes away all of your pain and all you to do today is to commit to me all of your secrets mmm and I'll take away all
00:08:53
of your pain forever great so may I give you some secrets please it would do is there a because I've seen movies yeah are there booths
00:08:59
are there boots for the secrets is there a booth that I can go in where I can close the door and there's like a little curtain thing it'll do you know you're
00:09:05
being protected right now by an invisible booth literally nobody can hear you within five feet yeah watch this okay say say to her say you suck
00:09:13
just say it out loud right now you suck didn't even hear it she didn't hear it didn't hear you're in a movie you're in a private booth okay here we go that
00:09:19
tell me your secret alright so in not a big deal no not about a big deal well ii yeah yeah I have to just record this on
00:09:25
my phone go ahead in 1997 yeah I decided to become me I got a job
00:09:30
offer for being a school bus driver in in Thailand okay yeah and I signed up
00:09:38
applied went to Thailand and the bus look it wasn't a yellow school bus it
00:09:45
was uh color are they this was a white it looked like a van like a van with no windows yes a van with no windows it's a
00:09:52
bad school but I would go to this yeah I would go and because the kids school okay yeah and and you think in the jam
00:10:01
about 60 kids in the back of this van 60 will lay them down like sardines on top
00:10:06
of each other at the crying it doesn't matter yeah it was a unbeknownst to me a
00:10:13
human trafficking business yes yes for that uh well once I found out it was one
00:10:20
I quit after that first job okay yeah well then delivered the kids one second yeah let's go the grease the
00:10:30
grease saleman Adam hey uh you know what I watched all night last night I got a new show for you guys oh my god what is
00:10:36
it alone oh do you know alone on Netflix ten people are put out in the middle of
00:10:43
the Arctic in the middle of nowhere hundreds of miles of miles north in in northern Canada why in the Arctic Circle
00:10:49
why there are given a hundred days to survive on their own using ten items and if they can do it they get a half a million dollars it's like naked and
00:10:55
afraid' way cooler are they naked no they got clothes on it's cool why does naked and afraid' have to be
00:11:02
about name because it's because it naked and afraid first things first your penis gets bit I'm out I'm going home that's it
00:11:09
the first mosquito yep what I'm gone wait let me is this oh so this is a
00:11:16
reality show it's real people this is real it's a documentary it's a docu so it is yeah oh well then there that's
00:11:21
cool it's awesome you said that there was a movie no no show a new show listen I think you said alone
00:11:27
I thought you alone was kind of like a lost like a scripted show no and then so in my head I'm like how is that cooler
00:11:35
then because that's what's real is naked and afraid but you're saying that alone is real people real people going out in
00:11:42
the Arctic with clothes yep ten items of their own they get ten items and they set to survive a hundred
00:11:47
days through the Arctic winter and it can they bring their own foods no will
00:11:53
they eat polar bear polar bear blubber polar Polar Blair blabber what do they eat well there's all sorts of stuff up
00:11:59
there there's elk there's mountain lion there's deer there's a muskrat a guy ate a muskrat
00:12:05
there's squirrels there's do they bring their own tents they can bring tarps not
00:12:10
tense so you can make a tent the difference between a turban - big difference between a carpet of the house or you go hey Bobby where do you live a
00:12:16
house but then it turns out to be a condominium same thing it's not even remotely close to being the same thing a tarpon a tent or two different things a
00:12:22
tent is pre-built as a tent a tarp as a tarp what is a tarp it's just a big piece of material that you can use in a
00:12:28
million different ways a tent is it it's a [ __ ] tent could a tarp turn into a teepee tent like the back and back and
00:12:34
my boys dead can can't but is the teepee ten to tent teepees a teepee no they
00:12:40
call them tents at what sometimes no they don't see Pete sub-tribes do which ones a maken Omaha kids do yeah yeah
00:12:46
maybe done so what you're saying is is that they take a tarp they take a tarp and turn it into it to turn it into a
00:12:53
1080p they can start a fire a fire mechanisms em hmm so they have Flint's you know
00:12:58
firestarter not getting with you one guy forgot one and he had to do the bow and arrow you know the bow thing yeah didn't work forever no it's so stupid it
00:13:05
was really funny to watch it oh yeah and he's like my hands yeah I know they always do that too
00:13:10
yeah because it gets sore from this like a naked afraid of data they don't have a flint yet there was always one guy that
00:13:15
goes bro I've tired 10,000 fires with a stick and a piece of bark can't and then when they get out
00:13:22
there I don't know why it's not working they're higher and the partner just looking at them like there's like you
00:13:27
[ __ ] yeah it's so I just bring the fire starter thing so they can bring ten
00:13:32
things yeah and then they can only survive off of the land yeah I also love
00:13:37
and they get afraid when like because everyone gets to choose you know mean a survival thing what do you mean like you get a pot I
00:13:45
guess and like you know but then you get one choice oh yeah you can bring along writing so one guys like I brought my
00:13:51
machete right and the other partners like they're like why in case we need to
00:13:57
take noises I'd like to draw some of the leaves and when you get a fetch I can
00:14:03
draw the blood yeah I mean like and then there you have to get upset ya know everyone's bringing like an ax or a knife or a machete
00:14:08
I do love making afraid because they give people PSRs your primitive survival rate is one six yeah what would yours be
00:14:15
0.7 0.7 what do you what would yours be way higher than you out of time you have
00:14:21
no [ __ ] survival skills whatsoever insane insane alright so you don't have to very start I don't know start a fire
00:14:28
yup with a lighter probably in gasoline yeah no but what I'm say you could I can
00:14:34
start even a flag dropped you off in the middle of the Amazon with nothing mmm-hmm you be able to start a fire
00:14:39
not with nothing no I can't [ __ ] can no they can't they always have to have something to start of you need some
00:14:44
something I've seen dudes go I don't need it cuz I could I have a [ __ ] I can get a stick and I know how to do it I know I know what I can't do the smoke
00:14:51
thing I can't within that then either can I so that that goes against okay but I okay let's do my points then I'm at
00:14:57
let ik which which helps tremendously cuz you're gonna do survive longer no they don't you have to hunt game how can you hunt game if you're fat bro a lady
00:15:04
on [ __ ] did too [ __ ] arm naked afraid's yeah vegetarian no yes to one
00:15:13
lady did the 40-day challenge yeah vegetarian and she refused to eat any
00:15:19
fish she's dead now no she's not she's dead now she had sepsis and died I read that article he doesn't exist anymore no she did exist
00:15:26
but but now because she has no nutrients you could just in and out of she floats in and out of Universal University okay I'm also
00:15:32
athletic is a huge thing that not just cause a big fat is a huge thing I've seen fatty fat is concentrated into one
00:15:39
area yeah it needed to be spread out your arms aren't fats on my dick baby
00:15:45
it's on my dick babe a your dick fat looks like a lava lamp it's like fat here skinny fat here
00:15:51
fat skinny skinny fat oh my god you look your penis looks like an anal but you know what you're [ __ ] if you opened
00:15:58
up Trump's dick and you just took out one of his veins is what your dick would look like okay that's me okay what do
00:16:04
you mean it's a big thick vein no not a thick vein thick vein look at the tick yeah Trump's dick look at Trump's dick
00:16:09
right fine those little dicks those little dicks but the little veins in the dick that's what your dick looks like he's got a
00:16:15
bigger dick in his dick she hates this I know she's so grossed out yeah Rudy I'm
00:16:21
sorry grossed out by his talk about Trump's peepee offensive no less yeah I tried to
00:16:27
go bowling yesterday where and they are closed down in it because the country's closing down again I mean you know they
00:16:34
know the cover you I've reopened what if really oh yeah I've gone to three raves where up in the [ __ ]
00:16:41
Temecula you would seriously have you into a rave and three of them I was the only one there yeah well got mad at me
00:16:48
because I said I've been I've been really good during the Pandy the only thing I've been doing is I've been
00:16:53
playing on Craigslist I'm part of this group and we play tackle football with strangers in the park and it's no pants
00:16:59
it shirts but no pants is that bad people got so mad that like really [ __ ]
00:17:04
like that's your responsibility but it's just a group of buds yeah and we just meet up every Sunday
00:17:10
mm-hmm right here Balboa Park and we just hang out yeah and it snow in spent you know why it's no pants by the way
00:17:15
because you can't run in jeans it's impossible to play football in jeans yeah can I have no pants also we we used
00:17:22
to have a rule where you couldn't tackle by the dick you can now well people are mad at me because I do a every Saturday
00:17:28
I do an escape room I do I do an escape room where is it what it's over there in
00:17:33
Los Feliz I do an escape room with 100 people you're right it's all my friends
00:17:38
under people right you know them all right and we were masks when we get there but in the escape room you can't
00:17:43
because hit the communit yeah you need to talk you talk like how did we get into that [ __ ] opening up there right yeah I hate Raul
00:17:50
you mean right let's solve the problem this puzzle together have you so fifteen of us will huddle together and solve it
00:17:55
right and just stare at a little mechanism and just figure out what what buttons to press is it really hot in there super hot so
00:18:01
you're sweating too crazy yeah yeah and there's no because it's in the scale room there's no ventilation people get so mad about that if I don't
00:18:07
know why but yeah yeah and we it's a one escape room it took us 12 hours to get out of yeah right and the last bit of it
00:18:14
is us about 30 of us at a time have to shimmy yeah in a tube right together
00:18:22
right we get you have to put take your clothes off as well of course right and you get the shimmy right and they blow
00:18:29
smoke in there oh right I think it's a fire like a [ __ ] it's like a um like backdraft kind of a theme oh I love that
00:18:36
riser you love bed right so the smoke is in the II cough right yeah are you
00:18:41
shivering shimmying yeah naked right but you know we stopped doing it last Saturday it's over now because of the
00:18:48
you know the hysteria yeah I know I trust me it's correct it's crazy can I take you guys to a restaurant that we
00:18:53
went to a new restaurant it's [ __ ] phenomenal what's it called it's called mama bird there's no way you'd have you heard a mama bird do you
00:18:59
guys know about this I just said there's no way how no no it's it's delicious it's so good is it the chicken no mama
00:19:05
bird is like it's like a I take americana Bistro and what happens is the
00:19:11
chef comes out greets you she takes your it takes your order as well she recommends stuff and she cooks it brings
00:19:17
it back to the table and then she chews it and spits it in your mouth it is the
00:19:26
best restaurants some of the most delectable none of the nutrients are gone you still get all the nutrients
00:19:32
it's so good okay mama bird that's mama
00:19:38
bird Wow so good because apparently the reason that she choose pre choose it for you is because is because a lot of times
00:19:46
P do you know how many people choke and die at restaurants the United States of America 30,000 Bert wait this restaurant
00:19:51
it's in Arizona right yes it's in downtown Phoenix yes go to mama mama bird downtown
00:19:58
Phoenix and her name is Gladys the chef and she will chew and spit in your mouth your food because so many people choke
00:20:05
and die on on in restaurants 30,000 a year she's cutting that number down to
00:20:10
nothing yeah he can't choke on when it's pre-chewed pretty cool
00:20:17
Oh what is it yeah it's called the exotic the exotic yes
00:20:23
what it's a great restaurant what it's a pretty far it's a little van in China
00:20:30
yeah oh I love that spot it's called the exotic and they only serve bats really
00:20:36
yes but what's great about it they cut they catch bugs get the catch bats oh they catching that stuff right right
00:20:43
uh-huh and while they're alive they just they sliced meat like a sashimi they don't
00:20:49
cook it why would you cook it they boil
00:20:57
it no no need you do it in the belly of the bat it's where the fact that the belly beat is your maybe fattest you're like total
00:21:05
right like the ROE you just look be right wow the best still alive you still like
00:21:11
saying stuff like what does that mean I don't know okay that's the noise I don't
00:21:17
know if you know but that's the noise a bat makes oh go to this restaurant and when you cut open the bats belly it goes
00:21:29
[Music] [Laughter]
00:21:38
come like some one of my favorite products of all time Buffy makes super soft earth friendly
00:21:44
bedding we can't we can't talk about how much we love man a year ago or however long ago and roukoz I have a puffy
00:21:51
blanket and I go give it to me give it to me Buffy blanket is the only [ __ ] blanket that me and kalila is it's it's
00:21:58
so [ __ ] comfortable guys it's incredible tell my bed right now they're made from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber it's softer than cotton
00:22:03
and I mean that my favorite thing if you suffer from this if you sweat at night or get too hot or too cold it is
00:22:09
temperature controlled ice I promise you on my life you won't sweat you saw it at night looking cool and possible it's it
00:22:16
really is all their products are cruelty free and they're hypoallergenic so you're not gonna get those on there's no
00:22:22
animal products your baby no it's earth friendly choice from renewable forests and it consumes 10 times less water grow than cotton which
00:22:28
is incredible another little jimmy-jam the products have almost 20,000 five-star reviews plus an overall
00:22:34
average rating of 4.6 stars believe the hype baby it's so comfortable we honestly we both use it and I do love it
00:22:41
you can a free trial right now free shipping and free returns you can try their products on your own bed for free before you commit to buying for $20 off
00:22:48
your Buffy bedding visit Buffy CO and enter the code frag once again for $20 off your Buffy bedding visit Buffy CO
00:22:55
and enter the code bad friends go pratik Bobby knows I'm a big golfer he makes
00:23:00
fun of me all the time he likes video games the way that I like golfing golf critique is the number one search engine that's happening right now if you're a
00:23:07
golfer if you want to know about great golf course reviews you want to know about instructors book tee times and
00:23:13
golf in your area you got to go to golf critique comm you can become a member right now and you get a shot at winning
00:23:18
$25,000 in golf with holly sonders and Brian Urlacher pretty amazing simply go
00:23:23
to girls golf critique comm put in the referral code to six seven nine three Bobby's gonna start golfing we got him
00:23:29
out to the range he's gonna sign up because he wants to win the money once you remember you write a review you're
00:23:35
automatically in and eight finalists are gonna get selected to go play Pinehurst North Carolina and get $25,000 if you
00:23:41
are a golfer go to golf critique comm it's very very much worth it get your ass signed up use our promo code babbled
00:23:47
friend bad friends you'll receive 50% off the annual premium membership at just over $4 a month it's incredible you
00:23:53
get a chance to win $25,000 just for being a part of the go-to golf court eat [ __ ] don't love it you'll love it it's
00:23:59
the best search engine in golf can I tell you a really weird story about a choking on food by the way this is so mean we have a family friend this is so
00:24:05
mean is this real or not sort of god no this is real okay no more joke alright his wife from now on let's be real okay
00:24:13
no more no more lies all that stuff okay go ahead his wife was eating lunch in his office
00:24:21
right in front of him and choke to death on a chicken bone that would have died
00:24:28
it was eating chicken wings and died in his office came to see her husband for lunch and died and this this is crazy
00:24:35
and one time someone in my family forgot his name right mm-hmm and she's trying
00:24:41
to reference him and she's like you know dad's buddy I'm like I don't know who
00:24:47
you're talking about and she goes chicken bone no really and
00:24:52
I was like yeah whose wife died from a chicken bone and it got lodged in her
00:24:59
throat hmm so you know what we don't we don't have chicken anymore in our house this is not a lot
00:25:05
we have a cousin yeah I'm serious but we bomb seriously yeah and my dad call that
00:25:12
calls us smash why because a [ __ ] was
00:25:18
smashed in a [ __ ] car accident and died like flattened yeah I should he didn't know the name so he goes you know
00:25:26
smash good dad you can't afford me I
00:25:34
made that story metaphor I made this story up that's a fake story I'll idea look into the camera and say
00:25:39
it wasn't real it was a real yeah [ __ ] it car acts and stuff is creepy and
00:25:45
gross I don't know what I did to them I apologize sometimes I lie about Jennifer's but sometimes I do deceive
00:25:51
sometimes the song was good last week huh oh my god people love this so let's talk about
00:25:57
it you know what's I hate about the comments what sounds great but when Andrew kicks in that's when it becomes
00:26:02
really funny mm-hmm you got another song you want to play no I'm not doing
00:26:09
another song but I'm just saying you're not doing it I wrote the music of that song not that hard yet daddy why you die
00:26:16
Danny why your daddy why do I write the music yeah you did right I'm the one that you watch I tell Jules I ask you I
00:26:22
was in the car right like before you got there cuz you're late and I go you know
00:26:27
trying to compose the you know I mean yeah and then you come in and you kick in with pretty good improv better than
00:26:33
yours it's true Bob you're better than me
00:26:39
don't be sad you're all better than no we're not yeah I get a call the other day mm-hmm
00:26:46
ding ding ring a ling ding ding ring a ding ding hello it's Mike you know my
00:26:51
agents it ca mm-hmm you like to play video games I go yeah
00:26:58
and they go well they want you to play effects legends and I go what is that it's a they say it's like war zone but
00:27:05
it's more cartoony yeah there you go okay and they go you're gonna play with a bunch of other comedians Ron Funches
00:27:11
love Eric Griffin love you know Jackie Kashian yeah she's great I love Jackie
00:27:16
um Brian Posehn yeah and maybe some other they were thinking maybe Sarah
00:27:22
Silverman and I go okay how much you have to play 11 hours I'll love it
00:27:28
straight yeah why what would be the purpose of it streaming it Oh their
00:27:33
lives training at our live streaming which uh which I think and then you're playing a a fix legends for 11 hours and
00:27:41
I do that anyway with war zones yeah that [ __ ] it let's just do it 11 hours
00:27:47
straight yeah but you know what I think there's breaks like I have to take a [ __ ] I might take a [ __ ] on break yeah
00:27:54
and then so they'll play me probably cigarette breaks Despres yeah they definitely have sigrid
00:27:59
you out of your house which is gonna be cool if you're you're filming it on your computer no in my house they're gonna
00:28:04
dirt coming over to Center install a bunch of [ __ ] technology Wow I know
00:28:10
if we're able to keep that technology but that'd be [ __ ] cool it's just it's a dream situation yet to get paid
00:28:16
you can eat the [ __ ] sleep which is kind of it we're gonna come over and just hook up some mechanisms in the bed
00:28:21
you won't even feel it you do get paid to sleep you should sleep in for the most of the day you're getting paid for
00:28:27
some of that day from what who's paying me everything that you've ever done oh that is true in the sense we have shadow
00:28:34
money coming shadow money dude you get checks like you know you did an El Pollo Loco commercial you know
00:28:40
me and they kind of did a snippet of it in Brazil here's $10 it's nice little
00:28:46
$10 yeah yeah I mean you get like we're money I get a couple I have one on the way from what from the disaster artist
00:28:53
good yeah it's a little money it's not bad what's the most what's what's up the biggest residual yeah what's a movie
00:28:59
that you get still get residual checks on not movie but I still get checks from this is us that TV show oh you do I did
00:29:08
the pilot I still get checks Wow like five years ago I don't even know what it is now and it they're bigger than they should be
00:29:15
they're bigger than when I really was in something right oh it's just a little get star I want to ask you something
00:29:20
yeah how come you haven't brought up soccer at all this is a big isn't this big for soccer right now what do mean
00:29:26
Liverpool won the EPL yeah isn't it amazing I try to watch I think man you played I forgot what they played but I
00:29:32
was watching it and it just because there's no audience and because there was a disruption to the season and
00:29:39
because we already knew Liverpool is gonna win the whole [ __ ] thing doesn't matter it I was just like I'm done I want to wait until the EPL starts
00:29:47
again and then I want to see what happens in the transfer window I also want to see if there's gonna be actually
00:29:52
an audience probably not and I'm gonna say that let's talk real for a second mmm-hmm you know what it regardless if
00:30:01
you feel like you know we should open everything up or if you're like me who
00:30:07
thinks that it was a little too soon I I listen I want to listen to everyone's
00:30:12
perspective everyone has a right to have their own opinion sure about any issue right yeah but facts are facts and we
00:30:22
are at a rise right now it's bad in LA Texas it's bad here we leave the Train
00:30:27
okay so no [ __ ] and saying in Florida it's bad it's bad in pockets in different pockets of the country yeah
00:30:34
and there's no let-up no and when they say that the world is it could change it
00:30:41
has from now on we don't know now when comedy clubs are gonna open there's no
00:30:46
way to know probably never all the way yeah all the way who knows two years three years four yeah especially in LA I
00:30:53
mean they were thinking that July was gonna be I know I remember that they remember what July you like the store
00:30:59
will open to the holiday will be yeah yeah and we're not not even close right yeah so um that's why I like when
00:31:06
they called me for this video game thing I'm also doing like Howie Mandel called me and goes hey you know usually you
00:31:11
know he's so proactive yeah he's like hey I'm doing this other you know I mean reality show I'm like I'll just do it
00:31:18
what reality show you do is not reality it was like a game show kind of a thing you know I mean what is it I don't even
00:31:24
know what it is but it's like with you Eric stone students the other lady that's on Modern Family what's her name Julie Bowen no the
00:31:31
Hispanic lady Sofia Vergara yes a vehicle wait what's her what is it Sofia Gagarin
00:31:37
Sophia he goes yeah it's Sofia Vergara and Eric Stonestreet for mother family I go it's just me too and they go yeah and
00:31:43
it's one of those just like game shows that's fun do you normally I would be
00:31:50
like I would like not do it mm well I would ignore his call maybe I love Howie
00:31:57
Mandel but every time it's something it's a business thing but but isn't that good if so I have no idea
00:32:04
yeah you jo koy you know Santino you're naked you're in a bucket yes yes yes
00:32:10
score points yes yes in the Eva Longoria Hong Kong right from Modern Family right
00:32:17
they're judging you but they're doing accents you have to pretend what they're saying you have to figure it out
00:32:22
hi Mia the audience choose and it's always something like that and I'm always writing notes okay Puckett Santino right and I'll see
00:32:30
you a week later and I won't understand the notes you know say bucket Santino evil uncle got it and it'll say proud
00:32:37
and points yeah I have no idea what the [ __ ] that is right so it's always I love
00:32:43
him yeah I know all those old school guys I have to say out of all those old school guys you know I love Louie
00:32:48
Anderson Louie is you know Louie come on yeah he's the best honestly yeah his role in baskets was
00:32:55
one of the coolest things I've ever seen him out he was so funny as Zach's mom but let me take it back one step out the
00:33:01
reason I respect guys like that like Howie's work ethic like you're talking about you're talking about a guy who's been in the game for so [ __ ] long am
00:33:07
done so much Jesus Holly you're Bobby's world I know was what just so good was
00:33:14
so was so unique for a guy to do like that that was a stand-up that could do ten different other things that was
00:33:21
pretty incredible there is also a kid in me that's like I remember when I was I think in middle school and I was
00:33:27
watching HBO or something and I was a kid and I remember watching like Howie Mandel like a young comedian special or
00:33:34
yeah like that and he was you know I mean yeah I got a black head he would pick up a black mannequin head and stick it on his face
00:33:39
and I remember like as a kid just cut crying yeah right and then it's just like how does it sound cheesy but you
00:33:47
know so when he calls right there is that kid inside me yeah he goes there's that guy that I watched you know I mean
00:33:54
there's I thought it was so he was so great and then um I loved also um
00:34:00
dice too because I just kind of grew up watching him well they they reconnect with a point of your childhood yeah
00:34:05
that's like so like that makes you feel so happy like dude when I worked with Jim Carrey on the Showtime show we were
00:34:12
having drinks in dinner one night yeah and I'll never forget in the middle of him talking yeah I was like just buzzed
00:34:18
enough where I was watching his lips and I was watching his lips and it looked like he was doing the Ace Ventura mouth
00:34:24
you know like yeah and it like reinvigorates that that memory from your brain as a kid it is weird - it's weird
00:34:31
when you yeah that's where when you get to work or befriend people that you love that you loved when I mean you're so
00:34:37
intimidated by him that remember when they were like doing audition I'll just he came to the comedy store yeah I see
00:34:43
people perform I was on the lineup know I know it so it showed me and he came out to me and he goes hey buddy [ __ ]
00:34:52
hilarious right and when you sink you change yeah
00:35:00
yeah and then when it's his funeral in
00:35:06
Mitch's funeral I so al Madrigal goes you know everyone's there right yeah so
00:35:11
al Madrigal goes on hey man let's just sit over here to the side but for some reason when we sat down like all the
00:35:18
cool comics sat with us mm-hmm so first bill burr right and a couple of other people and then Jim Carrey walks and
00:35:25
there's a gap between me bill burn a bunch of people do Carrie sits right next to me right and
00:35:39
he takes his hand and he puts it on my back it kind of just rubs it oh nice and I'm
00:35:46
just like oh this guy is so [ __ ] cool he's very connect is that really a really cool connective Connor you can
00:35:53
tell he he you could tell he's very in the moment he's very present yeah yeah I
00:35:59
embarrassed myself when I asked him one time I said Jim where do you uh where you living now
00:36:04
yeah yeah why yeah and he was like um I'm kind of everywhere man and I was
00:36:12
like no asking a billionaire I live you
00:36:17
ask that wherever they need to live yes he can live here he can live there mm-hmm he can live [ __ ] he can live
00:36:23
in LA for half the year you can live in Canada for half of the year yeah it's funny nerve I get nervous like a lot
00:36:30
socially I don't know what to say well it's also cuz you worse I think you can I get nervous around people that I
00:36:35
really respect yeah it doesn't matter if you're famous yeah if I respect your work and I know that you've done stuff
00:36:41
that I'm like wow you're very good at something yeah whatever it is musicians athletes you know someone that's just
00:36:47
anybody who's great at something I'm always like I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you cuz I know they
00:36:52
don't want to talk a lot yeah there's some guy that's like hey dunk a basketball LeBron and he's like yeah and
00:36:58
you're like basketball the Brawn what am I supposed to there is we don't have anything in common or when you're
00:37:04
sometimes what happens is when you're on a TV show hmm and sometimes it like an actor will
00:37:09
direct oh yeah that happens a lot Fred Savage directed me a few times right so when I was on splitting up together I
00:37:15
just show up on set on a Monday and I realize I go I know this director it was
00:37:21
Helen Hunt shut up no I'm like a wild and so I walked up to where I go I love twister I
00:37:28
don't why you love the [ __ ] tornado
00:37:39
I love twister how stupid yeah that was
00:37:45
a tough job like yeah I've done a lot of moms yeah and for some reason like I
00:37:50
would like she was a little distant well after the twister comment yeah no yeah
00:37:56
yeah she was very distant to me right and then like got to the point where her notes would just just say it faster or
00:38:02
whatever it might be didn't want to talk but then what happened was she took my so she I guess one of the producers Greg
00:38:10
who's a friend of mine right um had his office and I'm just I had the kind of
00:38:16
relationship where I could just walk in sure right so but she had he had told her you could just have my office while
00:38:22
you're working here so I just barge into his office like what's that and she's
00:38:31
sitting there with her assistant and they're on the computer and they're on a conference call and they're taking notes and they're really serious and I go like
00:38:42
I had to switch it like improvise cuz Greg was there yeah and your mind she's
00:38:51
like I'm working get out okay I'm Bobby
00:38:56
yeah yeah oh my god working I'm Bobby turn get out it was terrible yeah those moments are only because you're when you
00:39:02
respect someone you feel you feel stupid you wouldn't feel stupid if you didn't really care yeah if it was just a
00:39:08
regular nobody that you're like I don't [ __ ] know it's fine I'll just feel like oh my bad sorry I made a mistake
00:39:13
yeah it's when you respect someone you feel foolish when you make a stupid mistake like that one of my dreams is this is like if I ever die that's it
00:39:20
there is a heaven if you ever die your diet but if I die when I die and my
00:39:26
brother dies yeah and we're in heaven hmm what am i dream'd this is never gonna happen but
00:39:31
maybe i would love to go to God or whoever is in charge or pop but there's probably like a point person but there's
00:39:37
a committee or there's probably somebody that's designated for like an angel that's designated to you yeah you don't
00:39:42
get a direct line to God hey Zeus right and you go on I wouldn't want to go hey is there any way that I
00:39:48
can look at my brother's best of tape what do you mean like all his just
00:39:55
awkward mishaps yeah it comes out yeah just a compilation over the years and my
00:40:01
brother and I just want to sit there and watch it mm-hmm I know that my brother and I yeah well laughs so [ __ ] hard
00:40:10
hmm and then my brother would say the same I'm gonna see Bobby's best of tape yeah just all the awkward all the [ __ ]
00:40:15
up saw the gun from moments how he tried to like your blue the wheel yeah
00:40:21
[Music]
00:41:33
pockets and I'll tell you something uh you know who raised me Andrew uh wolves
00:41:38
no my cousin Paul oh I have a cousin by the name of Paul Troy Oh Kurosawa films
00:41:44
he taught me about The Velvet Underground this is back in the 80s love and he raised me and so about a year ago
00:41:51
I was at that he lives in Oregon he I was at the helium comedy club yeah and
00:41:57
he came and he said he invented something yep he invented this thing called pockets dancin looking a cool
00:42:02
that is yeah an amplify sound amplified sound right and it's designed and he worked very hard in this and what it is
00:42:09
it's a soft plastic but it fits perfectly around your own it's nice and it's snug and you you can watch movies
00:42:15
and the sound is great there's a little pocket here where sound comes out yeah and take it with you where you go you
00:42:20
can take it on airplanes and and normally they're ten dollars but we're selling it here seven dollar seven
00:42:26
[ __ ] dog for the bedroom with the man's promotion comes in a variety of colors tons of colors it comes in teal and blue
00:42:32
and green and black and peach like BA because she's a sweet little PA yeah and this is uh this is the future people
00:42:39
this is the future go grab one of these bands lock pins go to Pakistan calm use the bad friends promotion because you'll
00:42:45
get 30% off and free shipping they'll send it to your house it's only seven bucks come on man help out the Bobby Lee
00:42:51
fam right yes my family is my first cousin help out you mean the bad friends
00:42:57
family and friends family pockets tan calm and pay Lonnie is really [ __ ] cool - I'm proud of them dude this is
00:43:02
amazing way to go Paul we love you bud and calm baby I wish we all got to see our own blooper reel to just laugh at like right
00:43:09
before you die if you saw all the dumbest dumb [ __ ] that you've ever done yeah like what like like you want to talk about it here I'll just remember an
00:43:15
embarrassing moment the other day yeah because we were when we were watching a loan yeah the guy almost fell into the fire that he made yeah right
00:43:20
and it brought me back immediately to when we were camping in we're in northern Illinois or Wisconsin somewhere
00:43:26
right there was a girl I was probably in junior high there was a girl that I was had a huge crush on okay and everyone is
00:43:32
like goofing around by the fire and it's getting late and we're all young dumb teenagers and people are like jumping
00:43:38
over the fire or throwing stuff in it to make it get bigger you know but you know I mean well it's
00:43:44
like just to get it lit up or throw kerosene in or something yeah and I and this girl was there and I was like I can
00:43:50
jump from like outside of the rocks all the way across like it was it was a bigger gap I'm not kidding at all okay the parents
00:43:57
are like inside the house whoever we're with yeah and I'm trying to show off this girl and I'm like no I can [ __ ] dude I jump and my foot hits the rock
00:44:05
one of the rocks outside and I faceplant into the fire into the fire yeah
00:44:10
luckily I'm I roll out as fast as I can everyone is diamine dying laughing
00:44:16
no one's concerned no one's everyone what's happened to you no I was fine just I was the biggest
00:44:22
[ __ ] loser for the rest of time everyone laughed nobody tried to help me I would have burned to death and they
00:44:27
would have laughed the whole [ __ ] time yeah because I thought I was gonna be cool in front of the girl to jump over the fire yeah like I'm more of them
00:44:33
yeah is that impressive when boys try to you know when boys try to do dumb stuff to show off yeah yeah boys do that
00:44:39
they're like when you're younger right like low like 12 13 year old boys you think you're cool and you want to do something like that and then for the
00:44:45
rest of time right for the rest of time you're like that guy's a loser right yeah see that's what's at a restaurant
00:44:51
see years ago and I was at a restaurant I was by myself yeah and this beautiful this is a waiver for kalila mm-hmm this
00:44:57
beautiful group I don't know why I remember this because it was so embarrassing yeah so this girl walks in
00:45:03
and she looks right at me and she goes hey like that so I go I do a silly high
00:45:10
they go like I do a finger everybody the fans you hey yeah yeah like I know you
00:45:17
you mean yeah and it's one of those situations where she was obviously waving to somebody in back of me alright
00:45:25
so I do this and I turn around and there's a guy that stands up
00:45:30
hey or whatever I'm standing like this right but in my mind right I go I'm
00:45:37
going to pretend someone's behind her so
00:45:42
I got and she looks at me I go no not you right but there was no one I was no
00:45:48
one behind tuturro there was literally no one behind her so I was like
00:45:55
there's a ghost you guys are gonna do cheese like that poor schizophrenic asian boy I looked so crazy because not
00:46:02
only did I do that but I like that and there's no oh God hey me no you her yeah
00:46:13
but now when people wave to me even if I know them you know what if I know them I
00:46:18
don't do or thing right away why just I just go you get nervous
00:46:26
there's been 10 times in my life that that's happened where because also when you get maybe I'm narcissistic uh-huh
00:46:34
but especially when you're a comedian yeah because people come up to you all right you're right you're at a star
00:46:40
bottle often will supply of buying a weird job dude I'm fan of your podcast or Mad TV or whatever I might be a
00:46:45
writer and I'm cool about it go thanks dude or whatever right but I'm sick sometimes so people will just go smile
00:46:50
at you and you don't wanna be rude so you smile back but yet what you do ya
00:46:55
know I smile back yeah yeah I smile back you have to you have to smile back but if if it now I'm a little more your
00:47:02
weary no if they smile I'll just yeah there is an awareness have you ever had
00:47:08
it where you somebody knows who you are be at like a coffee shop or a place you go to all the time and you don't know their name you know when you go enough
00:47:15
oh yeah and you don't know their name oh yeah yeah and it feels really bad when they're like err I Bobby take it easy man and I'm there all the time
00:47:21
no because I'm there all the bad about that [ __ ] I say what thanks dude you
00:47:28
could say I should know his name no you don't know I see him every day do you know his name now yeah it's probably no
00:47:36
II did he hears this next time I go in he's like what yeah what do you want my
00:47:42
brother worked at us a [ __ ] coffee bean on sent Sunset Boulevard and
00:47:48
Ardmore oh yeah I know yeah I think our no Las Palmas yeah so las yeah I know
00:47:56
though yeah yeah Hollywood yeah Hollywood right and he used to work with this guy named Donny [ __ ] Donny Donny
00:48:02
right Donny would always like [ __ ] drop names like famous people yeah that's huge for
00:48:26
that guy oh my god it's big for Don I hate this town no you don't love this town do you own
00:48:33
this town I met [ __ ] Raul Jenkins dude it was the stunt man for the
00:48:39
Nickelodeon show blue wave man hey you're like oh [ __ ] this town no it's
00:48:45
fun it's great no it's really frightful I love it you do love it here
00:48:50
mmm what are you looking at you looking at your texts massages yeah man you're a busy guy you're blowing up lately man
00:48:56
you got new video game contracts dude you have a game show you got video game contracts you're killing it what aren't
00:49:02
you doing what's next for Bobby Lee huh a memoir you know why I don't take that serious could you ever write you could
00:49:08
you want too much I don't yeah you do it you you're ever you're sarcastic no not
00:49:14
yet you're not you because you know that you're on Davey you know right yeah yeah
00:49:20
you know you've done you know the disaster artist stop it I mean I make
00:49:26
funny gig feature films mm-hmm you mean like I you know what I was really hurt I
00:49:32
was so disappointed when they didn't [ __ ] nominate you for the sisters you
00:49:39
gots money yeah I really I called my agent I called the Academy I go how can
00:49:46
you not huh the acting mm-hmm did you know what you know what you were better
00:49:51
that you're a better that when Bryan Callen was in the Joker he was really good in the jail he was so good in the Joker hey how many weeks are left on
00:49:58
your game show a couple more weeks are you watching no why not why it's so
00:50:04
good no you're being sarcastic I've seen I've seen every episode what what did i do last week oh my god with the
00:50:12
what I do less I know you did what the the one where you eat the bugs where you
00:50:17
know about what that was the first episode Oh was yeah how'd it feels like it was last week no oh no last week was
00:50:23
the tournament of the tournament at all the time you don't watch it I do watch it what I what maybe one activity I did last week
00:50:30
cuz I know what I did last week you ran in you ran up the dollar didn't you run the gauntlet wait you ran the guy I
00:50:36
watched it you ran the Garlin no no wait what did you do last week here's the thing you don't watch any of my [ __ ] I
00:50:43
don't watch any of your [ __ ] that's the truth because we don't that's not true I watch love we know each other
00:50:49
not from that yeah I know that's true we I saw you when you were like a young
00:50:55
comic yep and I remember me and uh what's-his-name saw you yeah yeah how's Leonard crowing he's
00:51:02
gone he's in the neighbor's yard is he dead now no you don't check in do you
00:51:07
not check in on Leonard Cohen no we checked in but then we didn't saw him oh no so he's dead for sure he's dead right
00:51:15
there's literally no chance he couldn't be dead it pissed me off too it's like she is the poop cell on your patio yeah
00:51:21
but when the crow left right I go um all right guys I'm gonna go sweep up the the
00:51:27
balcony no one helped me and I spent hours out there sweeping you know I mean
00:51:34
trying to get you the [ __ ] [ __ ] it's it's still [ __ ] all over the place you gotta use a hose I know I understand
00:51:41
that but it's like not that I can love crows I love and Amelia oh my god they
00:51:49
don't want to hear that what what was that I don't know was it before it it was a fart like oh yeah like a fart came
00:51:55
out of your mouth I don't I haven't eaten all day dude why because I woke up at 2:45 and I
00:52:01
realized holy [ __ ] I have bad friends today and so Jules was like what were
00:52:06
you reading something she was reading a book on the couch and I go let's go okay why don't why
00:52:14
don't you just make a we have non prep why don't you have a me ate already I'm not eating I don't you know what I'm
00:52:21
gonna get I'm gonna get an acai bowl delivered that's not food it is I say you bulls like a hundred
00:52:29
calories I'll say it builds our site who is it nobody you remember him I love him
00:52:40
hi sweetheart oh hey you're on the potty ovulating you're on the BOD Kelly how
00:52:49
are you remember you did that movie and you made me audition I am doing my
00:53:00
Batman did he get the part no I didn't do it huh were you in the movie I was yeah
00:53:06
Nick did you make did you did you make me audition Nick I know but I want to
00:53:16
ask Nick I love you so much but did Nick didn't it did did Andrew sent you to audition for your movie No uh-huh but
00:53:24
he's my best friend and I wrote the report him that's right okay what was
00:53:30
the what was Bobby going in for remember who got it who got it was it Adam loss
00:53:36
next thing think it was that I'm what may be one of the funniest people on
00:53:41
earth he's on a show corporate on Comedy Central he's so [ __ ] funny I think he's bigger than me but he's skinny no
00:53:49
oh no God your network I see you're a
00:53:55
game show guy now you're yeah if I would
00:54:02
have read for it would I got it yeah dude oh you should have auditioned
00:54:09
what's up that goes I love you hey I was just kidding no jokes on me because the movie didn't
00:54:16
do great do you know any of any of the sales numbers of the film no I think we
00:54:23
came close to getting their money back which that's good let's promote the movie what's it what is the movie called
00:54:28
Nick little Babel [ __ ] little [ __ ] can they get it on iTunes Nick Amazon right I filmed an Amazon Bunny
00:54:37
we have a very big audience here I love Nick Nick and I've worked with Nick before yeah he's awesome he's one of my love he's one of my favorite
00:54:44
people no I love you you're so right I was not watching the Father's Day
00:54:49
thought oh yeah oh yeah yeah hey hey who had a better verse Bobby or me I love
00:54:57
you a little bit just a little bit just a little bit right on iTunes and [ __ ]
00:55:04
Amazon Nick is my boy and then you know what dude next time you do a movie I will read for it
00:55:10
I'll read for it next time next time okay don't worry I won't get another
00:55:18
movie yes you to get another [ __ ] you're so [ __ ] talented yes you will you're a [ __ ] talented [ __ ]
00:55:23
all right Nicholas want me to call you I'll call you later I'll call you after a b-girl Oh baby what a good guy he [ __ ] made me read
00:55:30
yeah he told me he was gonna make you read yeah he goes I don't because you know because that what tells me that he's and
00:55:36
that he thinks that I can't act no it's not that he doesn't think that you can act he knows you can act I think he
00:55:42
didn't know if you could do that character ah yeah well it was the
00:55:48
character was a blind black guy in a wheelchair oh yeah I had to read there's
00:55:56
a way that's very difficult there's no way yeah I was gonna do a show that where they said that I had to be in a wheelchair yeah and I was like I don't
00:56:03
think I want to do that if I got a movie deal Yeah right and I I wrote a part yeah right I'm casting it mm-hmm
00:56:10
and I I gave an offer to Theo von yeah man right and Alfred one to Bryan Callen
00:56:15
but then your agents here you have to read it's a yeah do you mean if you gave
00:56:22
roles other people would you read for you would you read for me no no no
00:56:29
chance so why is it that I have to read for him because you're because you're a wild card we don't know where you're
00:56:35
coming with you know you're gonna read from me cuz you said that you have to
00:56:40
read from me no yeah you're my friend but you understand how that feels off I know but I wouldn't make you read I
00:56:46
think you would know I want a wild card you are a [ __ ] wild card yeah
00:56:52
but I wouldn't make you read but I would [ __ ] with you a lot on the set of something without a doubt I give you
00:56:58
wrong call times you'd show up way too early because I know you'd be late right I'd make sure that you only had access
00:57:04
to certain amounts of food certain kinds of food certain amounts of food right what do you think I just need [ __ ]
00:57:10
and I would have gone and I would have a translator for you on set because no one can understand you oh my god just
00:57:16
speaking of translator hmm you know Neal Neal Brennan directed a movie called was
00:57:23
with Will Farrell produced it it was at but the cars Jeremy Piven Piven right yeah this car salesman he gave the part
00:57:29
to dr. ken but anyone who auditioned for that yes oh man and he got it over you yeah
00:57:35
yeah I know and I give him [ __ ] about every time I see him I'm being genuine you didn't audition for The Hangover right no they wouldn't see me God how
00:57:43
would have been crazy for you ha no we wouldn't been doing this show you'd be so big you'd be doing it with somebody bigger I shut the [ __ ] up anyway like
00:57:50
Joel McHale I remember being in the audition though yeah and doing a pack I did it I did a hole I did a scene couple
00:57:58
scenes yes Neil gets up from I swear to God he does this he gets up from [ __ ]
00:58:03
you know made the couch or whatever and there's probably eight people in the room mm-hmm he he comes to me and
00:58:09
whispers this is what he whispers and now he wasn't even kidding no one can
00:58:17
understand what you're saying why I have no idea you're mumbling I don't know I
00:58:25
thought I did it good but because no one can understand what you're saying how do
00:58:31
you take that note speak up no I did I did I did it again and then I
00:58:36
thank you yeah you're probably mumbling now was it [ __ ] mumbling in my mumble
00:58:41
now I knew mum in a business they call you the month with the bubbles yeah I do I mumble I do mumble little bit sometimes you mumble your way through
00:58:47
words or you say words so incorrectly that it might sound like a mumble yeah but I do that purposely for comedy huh
00:58:52
I got it is Panda Express bad for you number one is it the best Chinese food I've ever had no no number two PF Changs
00:59:00
is oh it's the number one PF Changs is so good so authentic Chinese the lettuce
00:59:05
cups dude if you [ __ ] went to the most Ching chongs town in China yeah what is
00:59:11
it is right and you opened up a PF Changs they would be like oh my guy this is it this is high quality you'd close
00:59:19
down all the way who is PF I want to meet him do you know who PF is Paul Frank the
00:59:25
clothing designer yes he owns that I know Paul Frank Tom Frank Qian Qiang Qiang that was his name yeah he made
00:59:31
shirts and let us come yeah he did he was good yeah Paul Frank Chang nobodies
00:59:37
but I but one don't eat Panda Express you know what I love [ __ ] uh you know
00:59:43
what here's that my qualms about Panda Express everything it's bad it's gross no there's a couple of good things in
00:59:50
there mm-hm and they have their eggplant so if you live in the Midwest
00:59:56
and you might not offer this but in some cities they they do is you have a select
01:00:03
menu of panel there are some cities that have eggplant tofu eggplant tofu yeah
01:00:08
fried egg but what I hate about eggplant tofu is people don't get it right so
01:00:13
it's like well you'll go to a pen Express and it'll say eggplant tofu you
01:00:19
know gets the window yeah but there's nothing in it and you go give me a plan tofu and then they get angry because it
01:00:26
that they have to make it say they always have to go oh why didn't the
01:00:32
turns ago the chefs are like we have to
01:00:38
go get that [ __ ] in the back cuz no one orders yes so they have to get the [ __ ] eggplant and the tofu and you can see them making it and not good they
01:00:46
don't cook it all the way and they just [ __ ] you know I mean there it is that's their slogan PF Panda Express
01:00:51
it's not cooked all the way the eggplant over should be served in every [ __ ] PF Changs Huey do you eat that extra and
01:00:58
Express do you like it yeah she likes it what just get just go to a mom-and-pop Chinese place which one all of them
01:01:05
century dragon high hot high hot dragon yeah um you know I want to I'm gonna
01:01:11
maybe we should get chin Chin's chin chin a Lexington it's okay okay yeah it's yeah no we're gonna go panda
01:01:18
again I also could just say something I love Jersey Mike's you do my bad
01:01:24
no I like it's fine it's a sub it's a sub above its it better than [ __ ]
01:01:29
subway no I don't you know I need that stuff what are you all really [ __ ] you're
01:01:34
so [ __ ] snooty dude mm-hmm why you you have your own like meat cutting in my hunting I have a meat slicing machine
01:01:41
in my house oh my god and then I say to myself I hold it up and I go is that thin enough sir and I go do you do any
01:01:46
fast food uh yeah I do fast food I just don't like sub sandwiches fast food I
01:01:51
like I like a deli a mom-and-pop deli that makes sandwiches mm-hmm fast food for me my vice would be I [ __ ]
01:02:00
with a McFlurry I McDonald's it will forever be a place in my heart McDonald's its McDonald fist pump it's
01:02:06
the best and off with that [ __ ] does it sit I don't give a [ __ ] it gives me [ __ ] colon cancer I will [ __ ] does
01:02:13
it give you colon cancer whatever oh you're you're [ __ ] betcha petrified from eating too many Egg McMuffins are
01:02:19
they is there McDonald's nearby yeah that's what that's it let's unclog that mo time visit is it before 10:30 it's
01:02:26
all day now now it's all day yeah remember before it was 10:30 yeah there's and you don't know about
01:02:31
that did 10:15 your traffic and right and you're like because cuz you and then
01:02:41
when you get there at 10:35 and they're like sorry we switched over we switched yeah yeah it's you have the material no
01:02:47
it's just I hate it no but I'll fast food it I'll fast food it but but but but I will say all the
01:02:54
options that we have around us there's so many better burgers I'd rather go get
01:02:59
that burger Shake Shack it is a good [ __ ] burger it's a good
01:03:04
[ __ ] bar it's a pretty good place it's very good yeah but but also but but
01:03:10
yeah but but but but but most of the time most fast food I don't really I'm not really I don't crave it mmm like I
01:03:16
don't crave Taco Bell oh my god could I tell you we live in Southern California
01:03:22
when they first announced the Mexican pizza did you know that I drove a
01:03:27
hundred miles together why isn't there like on every corner but they they announced it but like we're
01:03:32
Mexican Pizza and the in my area they didn't have it where was this in San Diego or
01:03:38
something or when you were up here yeah with San Diego oh so I think I drove like to Irvine just to get a
01:03:44
Mexican pizza was it worth it no no a
01:03:50
taco but flat it's not it's not good no it's not but you know what what's your
01:03:55
fast-food Rudy what you don't know
01:04:00
Jollibee it's a Oh jolly be jolly be right
01:04:05
I've lumped jolly be in the same category as like Wiener schnitzel yeah places I don't go yah Weiner schnitzel
01:04:13
you don't [ __ ] witness this is one of my favorites ha you're no bun that's obonda
01:04:19
those are two words pretzel bun know why
01:04:25
I love pretzel bun why because they don't it's like a thicker boat yeah you know how you
01:04:30
sometimes you see you like your nickname now is a thicker boat yeah I love thicker boats because you oh yeah you're
01:04:37
Chicago Doug yeah you go to a [ __ ] ball game you get a [ __ ] you get that [ __ ] weak-ass steamed bun it's
01:04:43
delicious and the chili seeps through it and it gets destroyed in [ __ ] three minutes for someone we both kill II dog
01:04:49
is in a half years they hold up yeah that's not good it's good for your stomach no it's not delete it so
01:04:57
Jollibee is your favorite route yeah what do you get what do you get there [Music]
01:05:06
this place serves Italian and then just chicken Filipino restaurant that's you I
01:05:14
wouldn't consider it spaghetti it's not Filipino is with some sort of let you know me suspects always why did you say
01:05:21
it's a Filipino place it's not a problem charlie beers yeah and so what do you mean they just do a plate of spaghetti
01:05:32
what is this place any it's everything it's burgers spaghetti yeah chicken
01:05:37
salmon empanada can you get an empanada there yeah yeah that's you know you
01:05:44
never eat at a [ __ ] restaurant that has has three different [ __ ] spaghetti empanadas and a burger
01:05:54
ya know that's your favorite jollibee what else nothing else is that the one you like the most yeah everybody what's
01:06:01
your order of McDonald's check-in again
01:06:06
he loves chicken chicken nuggets [ __ ] up a chicken yeah I like chicken nuggets too but I want everyone listening to me
01:06:12
hear this if you go to Taco Bell there is something on the menu that's not on the menu hmm but that you
01:06:18
can order and they have to make it for you what is it call gets one of the original things that talk about made it's called
01:06:25
the insure ito enchirito right but it's not on the menu but they have the ingredients for it
01:06:31
they're just hiding it no they just go it's one of those things when I tell them to make that [ __ ] egg black tofu
01:06:37
huh where they go and they have to make it the enchirito yeah what is it a black
01:06:43
[ __ ] box it's like a black plate really yeah a plastic black page are you
01:06:48
[ __ ] with me right it's called an Torito okay basically what it is it it's [ __ ] a bean burrito with inch with
01:06:57
enchilada sauce on it or whatever the red sauce is a bean and cheese burrito with red sauce yeah that sounds so good
01:07:03
right and you have to eat it with a [ __ ] spork because they have sporks there yeah so what I do is I get the
01:07:08
answer you know and I'll just [ __ ] front fire sauce on it yeah it's pretty [ __ ] good man maybe I'll go get your Stan enchirito
01:07:14
get in that tree no dude she might not make it for you why because I look like this baby why would you get it and I
01:07:20
wouldn't get it because they'll probably denied they deny it at first domain let
01:07:25
them in you make the entry though is there a secret password what you go make it
01:07:31
oh this [ __ ] make it you just flick
01:07:36
them off and they make it for you yeah yeah well we don't want to promote people flicking off people at Taco Bell no please don't do that but fast food is
01:07:42
um best food it's a good thing I I love it I don't fight I don't I don't I don't
01:07:49
eat it all the time but I I know if you don't hide it if it's a daily thing that's probably not good for it's not
01:07:54
good for you but it's good I've been in Amer in an emergency before like mando - I'll go by and not eat any fast
01:08:02
food but like you know you have to be somewhere at six yeah it's five o'clock
01:08:07
yeah you've been working all day like meetings or auditions or whatever and you're getting that headache oh I know
01:08:13
that I know you tried that sugar head Atlanta right now I have a headache cuz I haven't eaten all day right yeah and thank you for being a bad
01:08:21
friend are you tired of baking cabs from line-dancing rock climbing or karate try green stuff our scientifically
01:08:29
patented formula combines the carnivorous tree of the Amazon with the dust of captured angel's wings for a
01:08:35
once-in-a-lifetime cure our untrained physician will inject you with green stuff and in just six months you'll have
01:08:41
the speed and mobility of 1996 Olympic champion Carl Lewis if you act now you
01:08:47
receive one injection of great stuff for the introductory price of just four point five million dollars recently
01:08:55
cause petrified muscles tremors nausea vomiting violent rage memory loss hair loss hearing loss loss of appetite blindness difficulty breathing divorce
01:09:01
financial ruin and paralysis [Music]
