00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two or something. We're bad friends.
00:00:12
I can kill a gorilla on my own. I don't need 99 other men. He's doing this cuz there's a guy who was wearing a shirt that said, uh, I'm not a gorilla, but I can beat off a 100 men. Not that based
00:00:23
on that. I saw that. That's what we just talked about at lunch. Yeah, but there's these memes and stuff going around about
00:00:29
100 men versus a gorilla. You couldn't You could not. A 100 men versus a gorilla. Yeah, you we'd lose.
00:00:37
How big a gorilla is? That's not how big a Oh, I mean, how many Okay, let's go. Let's go. All animals. How many men would a York terrier?
00:00:51
Uh, a like a grown adult male. Just one. One, but not Brad. How many kids? But not Brad Williams. No, B would be taken down. Yeah, he'd be taken down. How about How about How many people would it
00:01:02
take to to fight off a um Doberman Pincher? Oo, I saw a guy um manhandling his dog this morning. Speaking of which, and it really pissed me off. He was Dude, because you know how like people tug on the chain and he kept he whipped
00:01:17
it around because he was barking at another dog in a fence. Yeah. Yeah. And he whipped it so hard it leapt off the ground and then he grabbed it by the
00:01:23
neck. That guy write his name down. That's uncalled for. A pitbull. It was He had a pitbull. I hate when animals are treated that way. I don't like it at all, man. It pissed me off. There's my dog in the window. Yeah. He scared both
00:01:36
Carlos and me. Yeah. Did it scare you guys? Yeah, I jumped. Literally. Or they'll see like a puppy like being
00:01:42
beaten down on the side of the road. Disgusting, right? I How come I can't find them? You know how there's this
00:01:49
show on the internet where I can't find kittens or anything? You know the show on the internet where they catch it's there's a guy named Colorado Pet Patrol.
00:01:55
He he like baits people that are trying to interact with underage people and then they beat them in public. They like
00:02:01
beat the life out of Why can't we bait people that are abusive to dogs and beat them in public and stream it? I think if
00:02:06
you beat dogs, we should beat you in public and stream it. You know what I do? I put peanut peanut butter on my butthole. That'll get them out there.
00:02:13
That'll get the dogs excited. I don't know about the guy who does the abuse. Make them eat it. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Yeah, that's very smart. After the
00:02:20
dogs are done with you. Chunky peanut butter. Extra chunky or crunchy? You like chunk chunky or smooth? I'm a
00:02:27
crunchy guy, dude. Really? Oh, 100%. Yeah, you're kind of crunchy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you like smooth. No, smooth
00:02:32
is so weird. It feels weird. It feels weird. What kind of jelly do you use? M raspberry. No. What brand?
00:02:42
I use the one. What's the one that's You know, you know. Yeah, it's the one that looks like a mom and pop. Yes, that one.
00:02:49
Who is that though? I don't even know. We just buy it. We buy it because it looks so like uh fancy. Yeah. Cottage by
00:02:55
an old white lady. Yeah. I made you some jam. Yeah. Where is it? I think it's Smuckers, right? No, man. We're not smuckers. We're not smuckers, guys. For sure. That one. The first one. The first
00:03:06
one. Go up top. The first one. The first thing. That girl. That's what I use. Who's this woman? This one. Bonnie.
00:03:12
Bonnie. Bonnie May. Oh, she's got a skill set. That one. Huge rack. Bonnie May, she's just an old fat white lady.
00:03:19
I'll make you some strawberry preserves. Yeah, that's a really good one. Do you refrigerate your jam?
00:03:26
No, I don't think so. Yeah. Do you refrigerate your peanut butter? No. No. And I don't And I definitely don't refrigerate butter. People that put
00:03:31
butter in the fridge, weirdo. Leave it out. Leave it out, you weirdo. Let it get soft. Yeah. Butter should generally
00:03:37
be refrigerated. No, that's not true. Yeah, I think that you're wrong about that. I was going along with you, but I'm like no. Butter butter lasts longer
00:03:44
in the fridge, but you don't have to put it in the fridge. You don't look it up. Here's another thing you shouldn't put in the fridge. Sashimi, leave it out.
00:03:51
Leave it out for a month. Wherever the sun is coming in your house. Yeah. Big slice of tuna in your front in your just
00:03:57
in the front. Recommended refrigerated jelly, especially if it's not high sugar variety.
00:04:02
I'm got to tell you, I don't I don't oblige you any drank spoiled milk yesterday and I'm fine. Really? I did. I'm not kidding. I had cereal. looked at
00:04:09
it was like 7 days past when it said don't drink. Was it curdled? Tasted fine. I mean, yeah. Yeah. My farts
00:04:14
smelled weird, but who cares? I do. Your body is I'm lactose intolerant. Oh, well, you can't have it. Curdle milk. Forget about it. You're lactose intolerant. Yeah. You're Korean and Jewish? Yes. That That's what I had for
00:04:26
breakfast. Yogurt. You had yogurt. Yeah. Okay. By the way, yogurt is is isn't that curdled milk? There's nothing wrong with drinking spoiled milks. It just
00:04:36
doesn't taste good. But it doesn't do anything to you. No. No. You're f You're How old? How old? Drinking milk can be
00:04:42
dangerous. It's so good to have doctors in the house. Yeah. Like we're on Rogan's show just
00:04:49
giving out medical advice. Two two [ __ ] idiots giving out medical advice. Does your mother have titty milk still in her breast?
00:04:57
Cuz that's I'd like to try it. We know yours doesn't. Yeah, I know. See those fried eggs hanging off her chest? Things
00:05:04
hit her belt. Dude, you know what's so funny? Your mom goes, "Oh, you looking at the my boobies." No, you know what? No. No. I'm
00:05:11
looking at your face, not your [ __ ] belt line. Yeah, you went mean with it. Oh, you looking at my boobies. No, no,
00:05:16
no, dude. You You're going mean with it, dude. You started it. I just said, "Are there like a scientific question?" And
00:05:22
clearly there's not. Dug in to my mom. Clearly there's not. You know, milk goes away. Yeah. Okay. How long does breast milk stay in a woman's breast after
00:05:28
giving birth? After they stop breastfeeding. That's what I mean. You know what your mom's titty comes? Two years. You know what? You know what
00:05:34
comes out of your mom's daddy? Mac and cheese dust. The the cheese dust. Did that land? You thought that was going to hit,
00:05:45
didn't you? You thought about it and it didn't hit. I I think it's going to um it's going to hit with some of her fans,
00:05:50
I think. Okay. Well, let me have the line again. Go on. The cheese powder from macaron and cheese. Oh, that's pretty good. Craft. Yeah. Yeah. Robert Craft. You
00:06:01
know what penis I want to see though? Woo! Remember that flying horsey and never- ending story? Falk. Yeah, it's
00:06:09
packed. Yeah, it's got to be packed, dude. I saw I read this thing. This is crazy. He's a nonly fans now. Oh, he
00:06:16
Falco's on OF. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look at that tongue, though. Jesus Christ. The neverending
00:06:23
penis. It goes on and on and on. Yeah. If you were giving Felor that actual [ __ ] robotic whatever thing, would you display it in your home? Yeah. Where? Front door. Yeah. Amazing. Right
00:06:36
out the front window. So people coming up like No, I would have got wrapped in my roof. Oh, that's smart. That's put an
00:06:42
Asian like roof, right? And wrap that things. Oh, that would be so You have an Asian roof. I do. Yeah. It's on your
00:06:48
house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Amazing. That's funny that your real estate agent will sell your house afterwards and be
00:06:53
like, "And this is an Asian palace." They're like, "It doesn't look It looks Spanish." They're like, "Wow, this is Bobby Lee's house." Wow. It was an Asian
00:06:59
palace. Well, my just by me living in it doesn't give it value. Are you not kingly? You think you're you give value
00:07:07
to your house? I'm just a white. You're King Lee. I'm giving you credit. You're missing a compliment. I'm the fraud
00:07:13
king. Frog king. Fraud king. I can't I can't talk today. It's all right. I'm burn out. So, drink some of that coffee.
00:07:20
Hey, look this up. This is crazy. A guy on the internet said, you know, when somebody goes, I'm hung like a horse. He's hung like a horse. Yeah. They did
00:07:26
like the math comparison of a horse's penis in comparison to the weight of the horse and its size. And
00:07:32
technically, look at this. Here you go. The average horse weighs a,000 lb. Yeah. And has a 20-in dick. That's a ratio of
00:07:39
50 lb to 1 in. So an average man weighing 200 lb only needs a 4in dick to be hung like a horse.
00:07:46
Wow. We're good. Yeah. Well, I mean, you're much less than how How much you weigh? I'm hung like a giraffe now.
00:07:52
Sure, dude. with that metric. But isn't that brilliant to think about? That's hung like a horse is very average penis. Oh wow. I did not even realize that.
00:07:59
News from Spain. A day without power. What 12 hours of darkness look like in Spain and Portugal. So I read this. The
00:08:04
trains went down. Everything went down. Huh? What' you do? Fancy. Look at all those fancies. Yeah. I can't catch the
00:08:10
bus to that place. Look at their bodies. Just like it's like a [ __ ] village of porks. It's a pork convention, dude.
00:08:16
They're all Wow. It's not your fault then. It's not. It's not. It's not your It's the people. My
00:08:23
god, it's genetics. Yeah, it's genetics. It's not genetics, dude. It's like that
00:08:29
movie Wreck. Remember that movie Wreck? Wreck? Yeah. Do you remember that movie? Great movie. You know Wreck? Yeah. Did
00:08:34
you see Wreck 2? Yeah. Yeah. And three and four. There's not three and four. There is. There's four of those. Yep.
00:08:40
Wow. Wow. In an American version called Quarantine. Oh, quarantine. Yeah. Lo film. Lo film. Yeah. Shut up. Wreck was good. Honestly, dude. Yeah. You're a
00:08:52
little snippy today, aren't you? So, you haven't watched any Last of Us. I've never seen The Last of Us. No. Why? I'm
00:08:59
stuck. I told you I'm stuck right now on the studio on Apple TV. I was watching that and you haven't seen it. So, I we have, you know, that's the divide.
00:09:05
Interesting. Okay. I got to tell you, it's very meta. It's inside inside baseball. Yeah. We get the jokes. Yeah. The problem is I'm so [ __ ] jealous.
00:09:18
Of course. That's why I can't watch it. I went to bed last night so [ __ ] jealous. That's why I can't watch it. It's cuz I was like, why can't I be just
00:09:25
I have friends in it. I I cannot watch it. Let me be a page. Yeah. Yeah. You know, why can't we get work?
00:09:32
Duh. Because of this, probably. Yeah. It's got to be a piece of it, right? Yeah. Yeah. But this is I'm gonna I'm
00:09:38
gonna email Seth Rogan and ask him if he can cut me out of that one, too. Put me in this. Cut me out of it just so I can
00:09:44
be on set for a little while. All right. Just like the room. I'll get cut out, too. You'd probably stay. Uh, we
00:09:51
apparently did kill the Pope. Our 266th episode came out the day he died, and he
00:09:57
was It was the 266th Pope. Are you serious? Yes. No. That's confirmed. I knew we had power. I knew it. Oh my god. Did you see
00:10:08
that Pope, Pope Francis, as a young man? He was a hottie. Was he hot? Yeah. A young Pope Francis, please be right. No, that that color photo right there. That one. Zoom
00:10:21
in. Yeah, he's a handsome cat, dude. Look at the eyes, dude. Piercing eyes. Those eyes have some Betty Davis's eyes.
00:10:29
Betty got Betty Davis eyes. That's what it is. Yeah. Turn the music on. Now he could get girls. He had to resist it. Do you think don't you think some of these
00:10:40
guys are they're getting top and just not telling anybody? You think so? I think if you get to
00:10:46
heaven and you're Pope Francis, he's like, "You did so much good, but I do know you were getting your wang sucked." But just to get your message out, you
00:10:52
got to get Dove, put a message on it, put in the sky. You know what I mean? It takes 3 months for it to come back.
00:10:57
That's their Ria. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's their Ria. As long as you confess, then you're fine. If he confesses that he did something bad,
00:11:03
right? What are these ones? The hottest popes. But yeah. Oh, okay. Let's go back. Take us
00:11:09
through the hottest of all or most of them. So, I got to click on this. No, it's got to be that dude is not hot.
00:11:14
That guy's hot. His civilian name was Fabio. You know what he looks like? Dirty Harry. You know who Dirty Harry
00:11:20
is? The porn star. Oh, no. I thought Dirty Harry the movie. Look up Dirty Harry the porn star. He does. He does look like Dirty Harry. Dude, dude, that colored one. That's my old landlord. I'm
00:11:32
not even kidding. That's literally my old Okay, go to the first one, dude. That's the Pope. Love you. This dude is
00:11:38
let me guess animal. Let me guess. Yeah, this guy died of a bad bad disease. He's still alive. Is he? Yeah, I think Dirty
00:11:43
Hair is still alive. Dirty in the name is great. But he is Wow. Is he alive? I'm insane, dude.
00:11:52
Clint Eastwood with Dirty Harry. Make my day. So good. How does that line go? Make my day. Go ahead. Make my day. Go ahead and make my day. Imagine saying
00:12:04
that to somebody and then beating the [ __ ] out of Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Make Yeah. And your kids are Your kids
00:12:10
are there. Yeah. No. Why would you say that to him? Tell me about D Hari. He was born in the Bronx, New York in 1951.
00:12:17
Yeah. I love how it says he's an actor. Let's see some of his titles. Go zoom in. Play daddy. Dude, he was great in
00:12:24
Play Daddy. Bang Bus. Relax. He's my stepdad. Deserved a Golden Globe after that one. Bang Bus.
00:12:32
I suck. I suck is so good. Cash. Cash for chunkers for Oh, yeah. He does chunkers. I love chunkers. You do? I think Cash for Chunkers is great. Yeah. I'd have to get Cash for the Chunker.
00:12:44
29. Not for 29 of them. He did 29. How many films has he done in total? Go back up to the top. It'll show you on TV. He's done so many. How many titles? 323,
00:12:55
dude. And he's got one coming. Oh, really? Pink Visual Pass. Oh, I got to see that. He's keeping up with It's
00:13:01
released already. Also, I want to do alert. Can just Can I just go back on my word about the um death and ramen real
00:13:08
quick? About death and ramen. You've already done a spell on rival. I know. I feel bad. Is there any way to get rid of
00:13:14
that spell? Let me read the bottom. Let me see. Let me see. Look in. Let me see the bottom. It says I think I
00:13:19
overreacted. As the day progresses, those changes will gradually sadly become more apparent. However, you cannot reverse
00:13:24
any of these spells as they are permanent within the universe interpretation. Oh my god. I resent the fact that Tutu's hair looks better. I
00:13:33
know. It does look really good, doesn't it? He does literally look better. Mhm. It looks cool. Um, he does look good.
00:13:40
Yeah. Yeah. I don't like um There's definitely like a tension between me and Carlos post Trump.
00:13:49
May maybe you think because of Trump's election you guys have had like weird beef? No. Since you know what? Since
00:13:58
Bobby was invited to the White House. Oh yeah. Are you going to go to that? You mean you're being real? What are you doing? You're Are you being
00:14:12
real right now? You brought up the tension. But it not That wasn't the tension. It's an overall tension. Oh,
00:14:18
okay. What are you doing? What? Yeah. You you you know what you do? Put gas on the fire. You're a fireman. Let's say I'm I'm stuck in a house, right? And I'm on
00:14:28
fire. And I run out and you're a fireman and you just you throw more gasoline on you put more gasoline on me. 4579. It's
00:14:35
a Korean family. We're going to let this one burn. Yeah. Yeah, that's you. No, dude. Yeah. Yeah. You're not on my side
00:14:41
half the time, dude. Yeah, that's true. You really want to do you What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, because
00:14:48
he's the logic and reasoning behind this. No, he's a piece of [ __ ] Yeah. No, he's on my side all the time. He
00:14:55
left his daughter in a hot car for hours. Do you know this? They called the cops on him. No. He He was going into
00:15:00
Ralph's only once. I know, but why do you Dude, you left your child in the a hot car? Yeah. 5 minutes in and out. 5
00:15:08
minutes. Did you get in trouble? Yeah. The cops came. It was fine. He doesn't want that this
00:15:15
brought up. He tried to murder his daughter. He did? Yeah. Mhm. It's generally not safe to leave your child
00:15:21
alone in a car, not even for a few minutes. And you did it for five. I love the windows open, though. She's not a
00:15:26
dog. Yeah. This is one lady that came out of a casino and they're like, "Do you know your children are in the car?"
00:15:33
She's like, "I was only gone for 10 minutes." Meanwhile, she had been gambling for 10 hours. 10 hours? 10
00:15:39
minutes? What's the difference? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, was she on a heater? If she's on a roll, you got to let her do it. Yeah. Also, those kids, that's her
00:15:44
mom. I mean, that that she's the mother. They're going to turn out shitty anyway.
00:15:51
What's the difference? What? Cuz she's black. [Laughter] I never You never even said that. That's
00:15:57
insane that you would say that. You just said she was she left them in the car. Yeah. You might as well just say, "Well, you know, they're used to heat. They're
00:16:03
from Africa." You know what I mean? Like, what is your mind? Where is your mind today, dude?
00:16:08
Who made up all this stuff? You I didn't know the race of the woman. I said she was a bad mom. It was a viral thing, dude. I said she's a bad mom cuz she
00:16:14
came. God damn you. Nice try. All right. God damn you. All right. Anyway, what is this? Police are planning to charge a
00:16:21
mother or two who whose children died inside the van of Detroit Casino garage. Wow. Oh, they died. Yeah. I saw this
00:16:27
dude that was I was at Vegas last weekend and I'm telling you what breaks my heart the most is when you see people with babies at like 1:00 in the morning
00:16:32
in the casino. Jesus, what are you doing? I mean, but but the fact that that's not how is that not illegal? What
00:16:38
are you doing? You got to be 21 to gamble, right? Yeah. So, it should be like no babies on the floor also. That's
00:16:44
a law. Yeah. Can't have babies on the floor. What would happen if you did get Look at that. No, baby. Babies generally not allowed on the casino floor. Yeah,
00:16:50
it is. I saw it all [ __ ] weekend. All [ __ ] weekend. Do babies get drunk? If they have alcohol. Yes. Oh, if they have I got heart. Yes. They can come
00:17:01
intoxicated from small amounts of alcohol. Oh my god. Imagine your baby drunk. Did your dad ever give you the baby?
00:17:08
[Music] I want to laugh at this bit. It's not good. I know. I'm throwing blanks. No, you're trying. We're thrusting in the sky. Yeah, it's Nothing's happening. Did
00:17:20
your dad never like, you know, when you were teething, you ever heard this? And they give they give whiskey on your on your gums. No, we do that. That's the
00:17:26
whites do that. My mom My dad used to do it with saki. It's not the same thing. It's not the same thing. We're dying. If
00:17:32
you put a piece of kimchi in your toes. Yeah, we're dying. We're fine. No, I'm not. Cuz you think it's the You think
00:17:38
it's the [ __ ] the interns that are here? Where's these interns? Sit them down here. Let's get them. Camera going.
00:17:43
Yeah. What's your name? Diego. Diego. Hey, you know what? You are. What am I? A young dirty hairy.
00:17:51
Look at that mustache. What is Is it bad or is it No, it's a good look. It's pretty bad. We're kind of like rocking the same thing. No, mine's a little
00:17:58
better. A little bit better. That's you right there, Diego. That's you, dude. Diego, what happened? I saw you on I pulled in the parking lot. You couldn't get in the bathroom. Couldn't figure it
00:18:04
out. The door was jammed. Yeah, jammed. I mean, this is the new generation. They don't know how to turn keys. They don't know how to turn keys. Yeah. Let me ask you this, guy. What's up, guy? Are you in?
00:18:15
Ooh, careful. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Damn, Diego Boundary. Sorry, sorry. You're skating on thin horchata right now. [ __ ]
00:18:22
I know. Are you in the movie Xanadoo? What's up with your shoes, dog? Do you like them? No. Wait, why not? What brand
00:18:28
is it? Latigra. They're like the um Kill Bill like yellow type. You know those? You think that's yellow? No, they're like the same ones as the Kill Bill ones. Yeah, they're tigers. They're tigers. Okay. The pants. Pants. You
00:18:41
don't like them? No, I'm just analyzing you, dude. That's what I'm doing. I appreciate it. Can I analyze you? I like your hat. Okay. You want to You analyze
00:18:49
me and I'll analyze you. All right. Let's go. Tit for tat. Tit for tat for tat. All right. All right. Go ahead. I
00:18:54
love your hat. Where's it from? It says right on it. Yep. But made horn. Made horn. Oh, made worn. Sorry. Bad vision. Yeah. Bad vision. What are you 19? 20.
00:19:05
Yeah. You have bad eyes at 20. Horrible. What's your vision? What's your number? Like eight out of whatever it is. Eight
00:19:12
out. No. No. Like, isn't it 2020, like 8:20 or what is it? Well, you should. Have you ever been to an eye doctor? Yeah, but do you
00:19:18
have contacts? I do. You don't know your prescription? I don't cuz I don't wear them. Do you see what these kids? They don't What do they know? Can't open a
00:19:24
bathroom. Don't know. You thread Do you thread your eyebrows? My barber doesn't. He does. My barber, huh? They're really
00:19:30
nice. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate What's your barber's name? His name's George. George what? Washington. I
00:19:36
Carver. George Washington Carver. He makes peanut butter and does your eyebrows. Exactly.
00:19:41
Square. You know what? Yeah. Checking out people is so easy with Square. Yeah. It didn't used to be easy. Remember back in the day when you were selling merch after a showact and people had cash or credit cards, you had to go to the club
00:19:52
and be like, "Hey, could you charge this to the thing if they want to buy a shirt?" And the club is like, "Your shirts are stupid." And you're like, "I
00:19:58
know. I brought 185 of them." Yeah. But now you have a phone. Now you got a phone and you got a Square. Swipe swipe
00:20:04
swipe sweep swipe sweep or tap tap tap tap tap or tap tap tap. Square is incredible. One of the first things we
00:20:10
noticed about Square was how easy it is. Running a business involves a lot of moving parts and Square helps simplify that. The hardware looks polished and it
00:20:15
fits right into your space without feeling intrusive. And the software is incredibly straightforward and intuitive. You don't have to need
00:20:20
special training. You can just set it up and start taking payments. Get that money immediately. I love how flexible
00:20:26
Square is. I've seen it work seamlessly for all kinds of businesses. Whether it's a small boutique, a pop art, um a
00:20:32
gallery, a weekend market stall, a food truck, or even a yoga studio, Square adjusts to what you need. You can sell
00:20:38
in person or online from one location or several. It's built to move with you and adapts as your business grows. Yeah,
00:20:44
they got intuitive POS. Square's point of sale system is not only user friendly but also highly intuitive. And it is. We've taken a lot of payments on Square
00:20:50
and it helps you grow. It is there for you all the way, no matter the scale or size of your business. So, Square keeps
00:20:57
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00:21:05
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00:21:18
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00:21:23
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00:21:32
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00:21:55
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00:22:00
schedule a cleaner in your area for a special occasion party or regularly to help take something off your plate. How
00:22:07
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00:22:12
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00:22:18
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my god. That's homoglo a glo.com/bad friends. And how old are you? 20. About to be 21. So you've never
00:23:05
had you know I have never had I don't know what. Well, guess what I was saying? Yeah. Figure it out. You've never had Huh? Empanada. Empanada. Never. No.
00:23:17
Never had empanad. I guess it right. Never. Yeah. Empanad never had. All right. You've never had
00:23:24
spear. Spear. Yes. Oh, yeah. Whatever. Do you own a spear? I never No, I don't. Bingo. I've never He's right about spear fishing, but that's not the same thing. Oh, okay. I'm talking about a Viking
00:23:36
spear. A Viking spear? Yeah. Yeah. Never seen one. Let me do another one. Okay. You've You've never been to Canada? Been to Canada? Yeah. I've actually I'm actually Canadian. I knew it. That's why
00:23:49
I How'd you know? Wait, how'd you know? How'd you know I was Canadian? Look at your weak mustache and your tender face.
00:23:55
Thank you. I appreciate that's Canadian. Well, you got a new prime minister. Congrats. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even know that. But thanks. Yeah. How do you know?
00:24:00
You don't know this. What do you guys know? What do you know? Yeah. Um, you're a film student, right? Business. Oh,
00:24:06
you're in business. Yeah. But I but I am Can you tell? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What are you going to What What business do you
00:24:12
want to do? Like social media management. Oh no. Wait, you guys want to know a crazy story? Oh, we love your stories. Go ahead, Dirty Harry. Speaking of business and all that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:24
You guys were or you had actually gone on Instagram live and I had commented, "Oh, well, would it be cool if I ever
00:24:30
worked for you and like would it and you're like, "No, you're never going to work for us." Are you working for us now? I'm not work. I'm just saying,
00:24:36
look, are you working for us now? I'm not working, but look where I came. Look how far I am. I know, but you're never going to work for us. In fact, we're
00:24:43
never going to see you again. I'll tell you what, we'll hire you for no money, though. I'll do it. Damn. Um, are you
00:24:48
seeing somebody? I have a girlfriend. She is she living here in LA? That little crack in the voice when you say girlfriend. That was good. Yeah, let's
00:24:54
analyze that. Wait, what? No, hold on. He got nervous. Girlfriend. I'm a little nervous. How deep is the is the
00:25:01
relationship? Three and a half years. High school sweethearts. Wow. Wow. You know it's not going to work out, right?
00:25:08
But do you know that? Say that. Wait, why do you say that? It might. It never does. Wait, why?
00:25:14
What' you say? He's autistic. Show him the statutism. Show him the statistics. That's what he No. What I'm saying to you is is that um you're ultimately not where you're going
00:25:26
to be. Do you understand what I'm saying? You're going to become successful. We don't know what's going
00:25:31
to happen to you, right? 2% of all marriages from high school sweethearts last success comes. I'm just going to
00:25:37
like it. I've seen it all day every day, dog. Well, I might be the You won't be 2%. No, because when you fill out, you're going to be a chunko. When was the last time that we had tails connected to our tailbone? That's a
00:25:49
weird question that you came up with. I have a little pain in my tailbone right now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about that. Humans lost our tails 25 million
00:25:55
years ago. Oh my god. I would. Really? Why did we lose it? Recent. Yeah, we didn't need it. [ __ ] it. Don't you know? It'd be nice to sit on a tail. Yeah, we
00:26:07
didn't need it. That's crazy. That's what we used to look like. You could have sex with it. It's so thick. What would you do with your tail if you had a tail? Me? Yeah. I would bling it out,
00:26:18
dude. What would you do? Bling it out? Uh, my tail? Yeah. I tuck it between my legs. You would be a tucker? Yeah. Be a
00:26:25
tucker for sure. Or I'll make the tail look like my penis and then I'll pull it forward. Oh, there you go. Would it be airy or would it have just be skin? I
00:26:31
would clean it. I'd clean it. I' I'd manscape it. Manscape? Yeah, man. I would manscape it, too. Yeah, you got to
00:26:37
You got to keep some orderly fashion to that thing. It's wagging around everywhere. And also I would rocket money it.
00:26:44
Wow. I I definitely would rocket money it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what happens first time? The first time you clean it in the shower, you go, "Hello, Fresh."
00:26:50
Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, so so some people are born with it still. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe. Wow. Oh, is he wearing a jock strap? Why does he got like a line by his butt
00:27:02
cheeks? Yeah, maybe. And it's just chubby. It's chubby, baby. That just looks like dough or like like a like
00:27:08
clay. Doesn't even look real. You better be careful with your girlfriend. You might have one of these babies with a tail. They say you could It's the higher
00:27:15
percentage that you have a baby with a tail if if you get married to your high school sweetheart. Oh, great. What color is your girlfriend?
00:27:22
What color? Oh. Oh, I get your generation. You guys don't see color. No, no, no. Is that
00:27:27
what it is? No. She's same color as me. Yeah. Yeah. Do an Asian accent. Oh, I can't. You can ruin his entire
00:27:36
business career. No. Yeah. See, I can't do that. I can't just do this. Haro. Dirty hair. You got permission. Oh
00:27:44
my god. Wait. Wait. What was the second? What was the second? I'm Dirty Harry. Haro. I am Dirty Harry. No. No. No. What
00:27:52
do I need to do? Like get a little bit more under it or There we go. I am Dirty Harry. Haru. His is immaculate. You're go ahead. Hello.
00:28:04
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dirty. My name is Dirty Harry. Yeah. This is a bad idea to put this kid through this. All right.
00:28:09
The last exercise we're going to do and you can't think about it. You got to go right into it. All right. You're doing
00:28:15
uh you're a college professor and we're a film class and you talk to us about film and you have to introduce your name
00:28:21
and all that stuff. Not your real name. Make it up. Right. Three, two, one, you go. We're kids. Okay. So, well, welcome
00:28:28
class. My name is Bobby Santino. Um, that's a mix of uh Korean and uh Irish. My parents are
00:28:40
from My mom from Korea. My dad's from Ireland. Ironic. I don't know how that um What about film, dude? This is getting to know me, right? It's a film class. This is getting to know me,
00:28:52
right? What's this guy doing in the film? I don't know. Let's get into the film. A professor. So, uh what kind of
00:28:58
film did I do? That's a great question. I couldn't tell you because the history of film. Oh, the history of film. Yeah.
00:29:03
And go blank. I would just walk out. No, you No, you know what I would do? You know
00:29:10
how to do improv? Is this LA City College? No, I I'm 20 years old. This is Quinnipiac. You just make it up. You
00:29:16
make it up. Special needs kids that we part of that group. Yeah. All right, let's bring the other incel in. Other Do
00:29:23
I intern? I'm in. Oh, yeah. Intern. Tap it. Tap them in. Yeah. Oh, look at this guy, dude. Thank you, Ronaldo.
00:29:30
Hey, we like him. Yeah, we like him a lot. Hey, how's it going? Who know? All right. Can I got to say this cuz it's been it's been burning me. All right, Bobby. You always uh
00:29:47
transition with this word also, but you pronounce it oso and it gets under my skin. And now that I've said that, I feel more Give me the
00:29:58
example of when I said also don't get under this guy's skin. Look, don't want to be don't don't want to catch you at a
00:30:04
music festival anytime soon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel clean now that I said that. So, I appreciate you. No, but what? Give
00:30:10
me an example. I have no idea what you're talking about. Say, uh, Andrew, also I am going to be hanging out with
00:30:16
Kyla later. You say also instead of also. And also, he's saying you say also with no L. Yeah, also. I'm not joking.
00:30:24
But that's all I got. But yeah. Have you ever noticed that? No. But I do notice that fanny pack and it's giving me the
00:30:30
the EVG. Let me guess what's in your fanny pack. You want to guess? Yeah. A Swiss Army knife. Gun. First thing gun.
00:30:36
Gun. All right. First thing gun. You know what? I actually did bring a gun on here. Uh, no. Just kidding. I scared
00:30:43
you. I scared you. Uh, I don't know about this guy, dude. But what's in there? Open up your fan. I'll show you. I'll By the way, how much does this guy love Asian women? a lot. A lot guy loves
00:30:55
This is the kind of guy that loves Asian women. He's like everyone you work with. You're going to live in 20 years the Philippine Islands. Who are you dating
00:31:02
someone right now? Uh yeah, I am. But is she Asian? She's not. But you know what? I'm do I'm practicing ethical non-
00:31:08
monogamy. So I'm allowed to explore. Wait a minute. That's it's called ethical non- monogamy. I'll tell you
00:31:14
about it. So you tell your girlfriend, "Hey, we're going to sleep with other people." Yeah. So basically, if I talk
00:31:20
to her, I have open communication. I don't like the way you say that. Well, that's cuz he's Eastern European.
00:31:26
Yeah. No, just kidding. He looks like it though, doesn't he? Where are you from? I'm from here, but I'm uh I have a lot
00:31:32
of friends from all over the place. And then I developed fake accents and fake personalities. Whoa. Let's do a East
00:31:38
Europe. That's how you got the internship. Like, let's go with I want to stick with an East European. Are you
00:31:44
accent? Uh, hello Bobby. My name is Jackson. It's good to meet you, man. I'll tell you what, dude. Um, meet me down at the casino. We could play some blackjack. You know what I'm saying?
00:31:56
Pretty good, dude. Go into another one. Another watch. Any kind of character that you Hey, dude. What's going on, dude? I'm from North Carolina and I fly a damn airplane and
00:32:09
you know, I chew dip on the side of the road sometimes and I got to spit it out there, but the damn raccoons be eating
00:32:16
it up and I don't know what to do at that point then. Okay, good. That's Theo. Yeah, for sure. Do you have any
00:32:22
suggestions? Um, I just hope we're not on a kill list. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm a lover. Uh, that's actually my I got the first thing they say. All right. As they're stabbing you to death. How about
00:32:34
this? A sensitive vampire. A sensitive vampire. Yeah. Ah, there's lights. Oh, hey. How's it going?
00:32:45
No. A sensitive vampire is uh would it be okay if I suck your blood? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to impose. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Give him another one. Last one. Give him
00:32:57
one last character. Um shy Bill Cosby. I actually saw Bill Cosby before it went crazy and he's kind of like before before they you know it
00:33:09
went crazy. I kind of want to eat the hogy but I don't know. Yeah. like North Carolina guy, dude. North Carolina. Oh, makes sense. Wow.
00:33:21
Can I Can I see your teeth with your smile? Yeah, it's nice. I actually part of the reason for my uh body looking so
00:33:28
[ __ ] up is I actually called on the show one time to tell you guys about this is that like I found out that my
00:33:33
biological mom is actually my cousin. I called you guys on the phone about that one time. Nobody could tell. And that's why I looked at You're inbred. Uh, basically what happened is
00:33:46
my mom who gave birth to me, her eggs were all [ __ ] up. So then they put an egg on my cousin. So then my whole
00:33:52
family tree shifted. Uh, and I also have a lot of uh, Neanderthalis DNA. But dude, that doesn't mean that I can't have a good time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, it sounds like your
00:34:04
family has a real good time. Yeah. Yeah. Your mom is your cousin. Yeah. So biologically my your mother b my great aunt. So they use your your mom's cousin's eggs. They use my cousin's
00:34:19
eggs, but it's my mom. My my mother who her niece put egg and then I spawned and now I'm here ready to rumble.
00:34:30
Did anyone regret that? Your cousin is your mother biologically. Yes. Yeah. Your cousin's your mom. Your actual mom
00:34:36
is the woman who who pushed you out of her body is your cousin. No. No. No. That's my great aunt. That's his aunt. Oh, wow. Technically his Yeah, that would be his right. That'd be your great
00:34:47
aunt. But my uh mom who who pushed me out of her body, she looks up to you cuz uh she's in the the program and she
00:34:54
talks about it and how you're a good influence on the program. Where does she live? She lives she used to live in LA
00:35:00
and now she lives in Northern California. Wow. And you're what? You grew up in California? Yeah, I grew up
00:35:05
in I was born in Burbank and then I moved up to Northern California. Then I went on a couple of alien spaceship
00:35:11
travel adventures and now I'm back here somehow. I wound up back here. When you say an alien spaceship, do you mean
00:35:16
Sandy Hook? Listen, man. Like I said, use the only guns I have are these ones right here. If you do the gun thing, I swear to [ __ ] God, dude. You We're never going to see you again. No more gun arm jokes.
00:35:30
I'll show you. I'm not armed. Don't slow down. Slow down, dude. Show me your hands. Yeah. What does that say? I got
00:35:36
some thing here. What is that? Hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer. Sleeping mask. I got a battery pack from the
00:35:44
casino cuz I do go. Yeah, I'm learning poker. This guy is unbelievable. What medication you on, man? Dude, I'll tell you. I take a daily dose of good vibes
00:36:00
and also uh anxiety. And then you combine those two. And you take anxiety medication? No, I don't. You don't take any medication? I I am on copious amounts of caffeine. Maybe that's
00:36:11
considered. How many cups of coffee? I drink roughly about 400 milligrams per day, which is about four cups of coffee
00:36:18
a day. But if I want to I push the limits. Maybe there's assignment I got to deal with, you know, maybe 6 800 we
00:36:25
pushing, you know, but my heart is pumping. So I'm alive and I'm I'm It would do that without the coffee. You know that, right? Yeah. It just goes a little faster and it certainly does. How many times have you been at Burning Man?
00:36:37
Dude, I've never been, but I gone to a couple of uh raves here and there. I like to turn up, but I'm sober at the
00:36:43
raves, which is funny. All my friends are like rolling and tripping out, and I'm just like pumping my fist on
00:36:48
caffeine. Just having Stop waving those guns around us. Wait a minute. How So, you're
00:36:54
sober completely? Yeah. Uh, no. For the most part, uh I like to live a sober lifestyle, but I I because of all the addiction in my family and stuff, but I've never actually been sober. I I like
00:37:06
whiskey. Uh I've been trying to experiment a little bit, but I'm not like drunk. I'm just for the flavor like
00:37:13
old man. And I'm 23. Interesting. Well, how is the dating life? It's great. Like I said, ethical
00:37:19
non- monogamy. It's a lot of fun. Do you don't you have a girlfriend, but you're practicing ethical non Okay. Okay. So,
00:37:25
they're hooking up They're hooking up with other people. And is she allowed to? Yeah. Does she tell you about it? Yeah, she does. And she's bisexual, so
00:37:31
it's mostly women, which is a good time for me. Uh, that's the dream. But, you know, you guys live together? I No, not yet. Yeah, cuz that's when
00:37:42
things send. Well, it'd be hard to live together and [ __ ] so many other people. I mean, get a camera set up in her
00:37:48
place. I trust her. No. Well, she tells her. My feeling is it's not it's it's bad. Why? She tells him. They tell each
00:37:56
other. She tells me and and it's Does she show you photos of the guys? We respect each other and it's like I said, it's mostly women. Oh, it's mostly women
00:38:02
because I don't have that. I don't think so. My gut says it's mostly men. Well, and real men. I know you're also
00:38:10
you were had a pass with Ozmpic and stuff, so maybe your gut might be a little wrong here, but I don't know. I
00:38:17
respect I respect He's a doctor, dude. I knew it, dude. I'm actually uh thinking about getting the cops.
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pick it up somewhere? No, it delivers right to your door. And do you like panko crusted chim ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
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hooked up today. N The only threat I am is to if you're having a bad time, you're going to be having a good time. And that's not a sexual induendo. Those lies work still with women. Yeah, dude.
00:41:23
My best line with women is like, "Look, is there a mirror in your pants? cuz I can see myself in them. It's a working.
00:41:29
It goes 10 out of 10. You know, their legs are trembling. You hear a clam getting wet. We're going to die today. Yeah. This is it. That
00:41:40
when we looked at each other, we knew we were going to die today. Yeah. Thank you. My god. Don't kill us, please. What
00:41:45
do you plan on doing when you get older? I like the bad. What's your goal? My goal in life or what? No, in somebody
00:41:52
else's life. Maybe Harry Truman. Yeah. Harry Estro. Yeah. Yeah. What's your goal in life? My goal in life is to make enough money that I don't have to worry
00:42:03
about bills. How much money is that? That's maybe a h 100,000 a year. That's a good level for me. And then I just want to make cool art and enjoy the
00:42:14
world and practice mindfulness and creativity. I want to also make movies. I'm in film school right now. Yeah. Well, you know what? I bet him he's a
00:42:27
better director than you are, bud. Okay. Mhm. I trust him before you, bud. Can you get I don't Can you get financing? Yeah, I can get financing. Sometimes it's a little under
00:42:41
the table. You know, you know it's Hollywood. So, this kid is from the Eastern Block. He's not from Burbank.
00:42:46
This kid is from the Eastern Block. There's no doubt in my mind. Inland Empire. The way he talks, there's a little Russian in the background. Oh,
00:42:51
they there's a little He's got a little sneak in there. Where were you really born? I was born in Burbank, California. Burbank. Like I said,
00:42:59
I hear it, dude. I was born in Burbank, Moscow. Burbank close. Say Gulog. Gulog.
00:43:06
Welcome to the goolog. Call of Duty, man. You play. See, let's get it, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how they talk.
00:43:12
I know. There's something about him, though. It's a good meme, bro. Oh, you good or bad? I think there's a combination of both. Yeah. Bobby, I've
00:43:19
seen you one time like pulling in real life. I saw you at the comedy store and you were getting mobbed by a lot of women and I was like, "Good on you."
00:43:30
Yeah. Did you say anything to me that night? No, I just watched it from a distance.
00:43:36
I said hi, but you're busy, bro. You're you're busy uh you know, navigating the precious Well, my friends are there, so you know. Let's go over preventing uh gun violence here. It's
00:43:47
signs of a shooter. Critical signs. Yeah. Yeah. Number one. Suddenly withdraw zoom in please activity. Okay.
00:43:53
Do you withdraw from friends and activities? No. Very social. Pretty social. Yeah. Excessive irritability.
00:43:58
Yeah, that one's up there. Yeah. I I like one time I heard fireworks going off and I just hit the deck. I thought
00:44:05
it was something else. This for sure. Experiencing chronic loneliness or social isolation. Yeah, I play games, dude. Yeah. On the internet making
00:44:16
direct threats towards a place, another person, or themselves. You ever done that? Uh, only the haters. There you go.
00:44:21
Do you have any guns or at home? No, just samurai sword. Number 10 is a dangerous one. That's worse. Cruelty to
00:44:28
animals. Have you ever been mean to any animal? No, I love animals. Good. Then you're I really do love animals. That is the testament for me. If you're I just
00:44:34
moved in with some little wiener dogs. And what do you mean? They they had an apartment and they put out an ad.
00:44:42
Four little wiener dogs put out a [ __ ] So they the wiener dogs they they look nice but then they are fairly
00:44:50
football-shaped and in need of human roommate who will pick up poop, get us food and also pick up our poop. Please walk us.
00:45:01
But it's kind of like a football and I didn't want to hurt the dogs but it's just one of those Oh, there's my dog.
00:45:09
How many dogs are in the house? There's three right there. And then me, of course, because I'm an animal. I'm a
00:45:15
creature feature. You know what I'm saying? My guys, for sure you are. Hide your kids. Hide your wife.
00:45:22
Because they're going to fall in love, dude. That's why you got to hide. I feel that. Well, cuz you know they'll end up a member of the family of the family,
00:45:27
you know. Yeah, that's what I'm going to say. Also, thank you. How's your also also? Thank you. That didn't play. But anyway, uh I'm bombing today. Well, you
00:45:39
know, you're a very interesting guy, dude. Consensual nomine. I'm an open book. I think he's he could be in the
00:45:44
crew. Just promises you won't kill us. I won't kill you. I promise. I'll defend you with my life, dude. If there's a
00:45:50
rhino coming down the road, I will not be able to stop it, but I'll try. Where are we with the rhino? Burbank rhinos.
00:45:57
You never know. Rhinos in Burbank. Have you seen Babylon, dude? They've got animals hooking off trucks every day.
00:46:04
So, who knows? There's a stray rhino. I'll defend you, Bobby. I won't stop it, but I'll try.
00:46:11
You know, I like you. Thank you. I like you. What's that? You like him, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do like him. I
00:46:20
do. I do like him. Yeah. Yeah. There's something special about him, you know? I feel like he's got something extra like a chromosone or something. That's for
00:46:27
sure. Yeah. And do you have any brothers and sisters? Oh, that's where it gets complicated, right? I love So, we don't
00:46:34
want to go down. No, no, I do. Yeah. I want to hear the complication. I'll tell you. So, I got one brother and like he's
00:46:40
my dad and I have an uncle who's also my brother. Yeah. You're not going to believe this. My sister is my
00:46:50
mom. Yeah. My cousin is my aunt. Is my dog. Yeah. Is my dog. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? Tell us. I mean, DNA is a double
00:46:56
helix. So, that is true. Okay. [ __ ] gets complicated. But tell me about your family. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. So, I had a brother. Uh, I always knew
00:47:03
he was my brother. I always knew he was my brother. I have him still. Uh he is 13 years older than me and he's an interesting fellow. He's going to be moving to Thailand. He's a DJ, but he
00:47:14
still lives with his mom and stuff, but he's cool. He's moving to Thailand. He's also a DJ. Well, why else would you go
00:47:20
to Thailand? The FBI, dude. That's who moves to Thailand. DJs. And then DJ Island. This is the cool part or the crazy part is that essentially my
00:47:32
second cousins who I thought were just some distant ass relatives, they're my biological siblings now. Uh dude, dude, dude, dude.
00:47:47
Hell yeah, dude. White trash, baby. So, Burbank, who would have known? Where do you live in Norcal? We're where We're in Northern California. I used to live an hour north of San Francisco where so that's out in the wine country. It's
00:47:57
called Santa Rosa. Loi. Yeah. Yeah. So then there's a lot of animals out there. I probably got some brain damage. One time I drank a puddle. Uh I drank I
00:48:08
drank a puddle for $5 cuz you know when you're a kid, dude, $5 $5. Yeah. So I drank a puddle and then now I'm here. Drank a braineing amoeba. And even
00:48:21
the amoeba got up there and was like, "Not much to chew on." Crazy. Crazy. I'm just going to hang out for a little. What else have you eaten or drink and
00:48:27
that besides my bodily fluids on accident a couple times? Couple times. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:33
What? Like your pee one time? Shame on me. Two time. I like to taste the pee. Players [ __ ] up, man. That's what happens. Players got to play. Players [ __ ] up. Players got to play. Players.
00:48:45
Wow. Fancy. Get it out clean if you're going to get it out. God, every time. Yeah. I think you're rubbing off on me,
00:48:51
dude. Like I don't even know what I'm saying. Never stumbled like this. I know. It's you, dude. I'm like,
00:48:59
so Bobby, I was wondering, can you give me some advice? I'm trying to learn on what? On how to just be out in the world
00:49:05
like in this crazy world. Oh, okay. So, I think you need more flames. Okay. On your body. You're right. Like flamy pants like on fire or like Well, you know, like you flame stitchings on your
00:49:18
jeans. Yeah. Yeah. He means like Guy Fiery. I met Guy Fiery. Go on. That doesn't surprise me. Go on. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:24
Yeah. So that I think you need some chain mail. Chain mail. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. That's pretty cumbersome. I
00:49:31
think chain an entire bodysuit of chain. Just a chest chain mail. I was considering going to the Renfair and I
00:49:37
saw you were out there and I was thinking, you know, maybe I should get some chain mail out there. How'd you
00:49:42
meet Guy Fury? Uh, I'll tell you. I was a DJ technician, so I was setting up cables. technicians. They always put me
00:49:50
in the grunt work. So, I was out in the dark freaking setting up cables and then they were having some kind of Salvation
00:49:56
Army event uh donation and Guy Farah is walking around. So, I said, "What's up?"
00:50:02
I took a picture with him and then my boss got mad at me. But I took it on the chin cuz I'm I'm not a beta male. I don't tuck my tail as we were talking shots at me. I'm ready to
00:50:14
rumble. Yeah. Well, well, is that the biggest celebrity you've ever met? Uh, the biggest celebrity that I ever met is probably PewDiePie, who's the one of the
00:50:28
biggest YouTubers. I don't know who that is. Actually, no. You know what? The biggest celebrity I've ever met is Bobby Lee. That's true,
00:50:36
dude. I saw What's his name? Andrew Santino. I saw Bobby Lee. I thought you had forgotten in the Borderland movie.
00:50:42
Enough. All right. He looks just like you. Yeah. Oh, she met him. Are his cousins married? Good. If I asked him,
00:50:50
do you remember? Oh, hell no. Oh, I remember him. Yeah, he freed me out. I mean, how obviously foreign is this guy? Yeah, he's from Sweden. So, yeah. No [ __ ] Yeah. Yavla, you know.
00:51:02
See, you look just like this [ __ ] guy, dude. Hey, that's pretty cool. You do. Doesn't he look like this guy? Am I
00:51:07
true? You're the same type of guy. Yeah. So, going along with the style, like flames on the pants. What else should I
00:51:13
do? I'm trying to up my, you know, I'm a noob. I'll be honest with you, with your look, I he I could see him in Game of
00:51:19
Thrones or something. You know what I mean? Like a weasel or something, right? But you you do have you are kind of
00:51:24
oddly good-looking in a weird way. Nope. Yeah. You're not seeing it. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a nice scout. Like a Jude Law, but Jude Law was an accident. He looks like Jude Law.
00:51:37
Yeah. Look up Jude Law. I'll tell you though, you you mentioned weasel and I like to consider myself a certified lord
00:51:44
a young so like I be loitering around waiting weasling out you know I don't think it
00:51:50
looks anything like a quiet those are old Jude laws oh dang I think I'm wrong yeah no like there boom nope there you are dude yeah see look at Oh no it's
00:52:03
more Romulan yeah it's a Ramulan as I was thinking yeah wow Oh yeah, I think that I did have a cameo in Game of Thrones. I was one of those guys who just instant got archered down. I fell off the wall. Yeah. Are you being real?
00:52:16
No. Oh, couldn't tell. No. No. He's confusing. He is. Yeah. Yeah. He is confusing. All right, bud. Well, you know, we very good interview. Thank you. Do you remember his name?
00:52:29
Do you? Do you don't remember his name? He said it three times. I'll tell you again. No, give me the first initial.
00:52:35
Give him a hint. First initial. Uh Jay. Jay. Jay is the No. Uh uh. Jason. You're
00:52:44
Jake. It's partly Jason. Jackson. Yep. There you go. Now you know who to call the cops about. Am I right? Get Dude, dude. This guy. I got it. I love this guy. Don't give me a restraining order
00:52:56
cuz like I said, uh I speak a lot of languages, but my favorite language is the language of love and I'm not a I'm
00:53:02
not here to And you speak it so much. I also speak Jigglypuff. Heyo. H. What's Jigglypuff? The Pokemon. Oh, do do it more. Yeah, dude. Jigglypuff.
00:53:16
Yeah, do more, please. Jigglypuff goes hard. I don't know if you've seen him, but give me what we can do. Jigglypuff.
00:53:21
Give me an uh YouTube. Give me what he sounds like. All right, I'll turn it on. I can't do it. He's saying, "Oh, jigglypuff.
00:53:39
phys. That's literally what I'm saying. Oh, Jigglypuff. Oh, Jigglypuff. I'm not gay, but I just felt something. I just felt Did you feel something? Dude, you serenating me, man. Yeah. Look
00:53:53
at my No, don't look at me in the eye. [Music] Dude, this guy reminds me of when we would do fan meet and greets. Yeah. And
00:54:04
this and this guy would show up. Yeah. And and he'd be like, "Dude, I Andrew, I'm sorry, but I just I love Bobby so much." And I'd go, "I know, dude. Andrew, I know I know who your fans are.
00:54:17
I know who your fans are." Give me some compliment. No, no, I don't want any. I got to be honest with you. I can tell
00:54:23
who your fans are. What do I say? Well, from a mile away when they come up, I go, "Bobbyy's fan." Hardcore Bobby's
00:54:29
fan. I actually really like your standup comedy. Thank you. I love you. Let him finish. Let him finish. I love
00:54:35
you, buddy. Here, I'll I just I can just tell from my Shut up, Hu. Go ahead. Finish. So, I I love your your standup
00:54:42
comedy. It's really witty. Thanks. And uh I've never like seen your pubes on stage or anything like No. Uh like
00:54:49
another comedian who I've probably seen. Oh, that's what it is. He's connected to your pubes. Stand up. Stand up and show
00:54:55
them your pubes. Would you like some to take home? Give him some to take home. Can we get some scissors real fast? Do
00:55:00
you have any scissors? Would that take some home? Give him some to-go pubes. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that sick? Yeah. Oh,
00:55:06
not a knife. Oh my [ __ ] god. A knife, dude. Get scissors, [ __ ] Well, give me that knife. No, no, no, dude. Don't cut yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I want No, don't do that. No, you'll cut yourself.
00:55:18
Don't get the scissors. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Oh my god. I want it. Well, I have to sing the song while we're doing it.
00:55:25
I do it. I do it. I do it. Jiggly pop. Oh, I'm on my way. I don't have any pubes. Yeah, you do. Look. Yeah, there's some there. You got to go to to your nut
00:55:38
sack. Go close to your nut sack. Be careful, bud. You do it then. Put your ball sack on. You do it then. Well, get your ball. The ball sack is shaving and clean. There's nothing. No. Get this section right here. Oh, no. It's so
00:55:51
close to your penis. It's I don't see. How do you grab it? That was the problem. Will you scoop it off your chest there? Can you just scoop it off? I can't. Come here, buddy. You You got
00:56:04
to get these. I'll come. No, no, no. I No. Back up. Sit back up. All right. All right. We'll deliver to you. Understood.
00:56:11
I understood the assignment. No, you could. You You know what you could do? You could sniff these scissors. Hey, man. I drank a puddle, so anything for
00:56:17
money at this point. Wait, what would you do? I have a 100 bucks in my pocket. What would you do for 100 bucks? I'd do anything for 100 bucks from Bobby Lee,
00:56:23
man. Except some some uh sexual acts that No, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. How about How about Brown
00:56:29
knows him. Brown knows him. Lay on the ground. You got to stick your his stick this in your butthole. Oh, [ __ ]
00:56:36
I'm down for some experimentation, right? Stick this in your butthole. This is monogous, not monogamous.
00:56:42
I'll tell you what, monogous. I'll tell you what. I'll give you some insight just because I like you guys. Oh,
00:56:48
thanks, brother. Thanks, brother. All right. I've tried some kind of stuff along those lines before. And you know
00:56:54
what? It's pretty fun, dude. And look, I'm telling you, man. Well, give me that thing. Here you go, dude. I'm secure in my masculinity, dude. But listen,
00:57:06
but listen, when Voldemort is coming for me, dude, in both ways, you know, what are you talking about? What are you talking about, dog?
00:57:18
It's a little bit of a cursed object. So, I I only like uh you know, made objects and that doesn't have a good enough flared base. You know what I'm saying? Can you do a handstand? I could
00:57:28
do a cartwheel, but it's pretty mid. I I don't want to see it breaking. How about this? Do just pop locking for a minute. Pop locking. What do you do for us, by the way? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm a
00:57:40
Is he an intern for us? Yeah, I'm an intern. I make a lot of uh research and what I got to come here. This is tight. What do you do for us? Same thing. Do
00:57:52
you guys get along? Are you guys over at Seven Eckis? You guys are tight. But so George hired you. Uh Bryce. Bryce or
00:58:00
Lane? It was one of them. But one Bobby, can I tell you something? Not me. I objected. Bobby, I tried to walk up to you one time in real life and I tried to give you my resume. I'm not even joking.
00:58:12
And that was a bad mistake on my part. Players [ __ ] up, like I said. Yeah. Uh,
00:58:18
but I don't do that anymore because of Mone. Remember what you did to me there? It's What did I say? You said, "Uh, no. I'm going to lose in my car." And then
00:58:28
you went to go, "Uh, some more." That's pretty accurate. Beautiful women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The guy gets beautiful
00:58:35
women. Hey, guess what? Guess what, dude? Yeah. Uh, Jackson. Hey, thank you. Sorry. Um, from now on, I'll say hi to you. We know each other now. Hell yeah. No, you you'll forget. No, I will know.
00:58:47
Jackson, we met them before. I have to warn all the other comics about like clear the hallways. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sort of a creature feature and people always think they know me. They
00:58:59
they seen me around. They probably have cuz like I said, I'm a loiterer. But a creature feature is the type of film typically horror science fiction where the monster supernatural creature is the main antagonist. Well guys, if you're
00:59:11
talking about the par intexicality of the film industry, all right, I'll tell you a thing or two about there. There's
00:59:17
different genres. You got to be pay mind of the misen all that kind of stuff is quite important. So I was not quite referring to the creature feature per
00:59:28
se, but you know that is a good genre. See this this could be a PSA for inbreeding. How dangerous it really gets. It really is dangerous. Don't [ __ ] your cousin.
00:59:39
Say I thought you were going to be talking about like everyone should do it. Like nobody get off the boat. Get
00:59:46
off the boat. Sink, dude. I got to tell you, Jackson Jackson Hole, you're an interesting guy. Interesting guy. You're You've got a bright future. Like the baby, if I I hire anyone to babysit my
00:59:58
kids, it would be this guy. But um yeah, this cat this cat seems he's normal. I'd
01:00:04
hire you to I'd hire you to uh land hire him. No, [ __ ] I care about that. But landscaping in North Dakota, like far up far away. Yeah. Yeah. I know I live in, you know what I mean, LA, but go to
01:00:14
Northakota. Have you ever done manual labor? Dude, I have. They put me to work, man. Like I said, I was a DJ
01:00:19
technician, so I scared a lot of speakers and stuff, but then there's like situations where you just go off a
01:00:25
Craigslist ad and they're like, "We got some machetes. Can you just go cut some shit?" And then what would you go cut,
01:00:32
dude? You cut bamboo. You cut whatever. And I don't Is that you? You did that. You hired them to do that. Yes. What else did you go cut? My pandas were hungry. Yeah. You got to feed them. They
01:00:44
can't just not eat. Yeah. Did you know that bamboo is technically the largest grass? Yeah. We didn't need to know
01:00:52
that. But I do know that. Dude, I'm like a encyclopedia, dude. I know every single thing. If you want any
01:00:58
information, I'll tell you how to I'll tell you. What do giraffes eat? I'll tell you. Giraffes, they eat um the
01:01:03
conifer tree because it uh is quite high up and it's very uh nutritious as far as
01:01:12
the photosynthesis goes within the the plant. And the the second half was [ __ ] Yeah. Ask him ask him another
01:01:18
one. Um describe describe to me the the the give me the scientific explanation of why uh fish can breathe underwater, how gills work. All right. So listen,
01:01:31
there's a fish, right? I don't know. Good start. You've you've eaten a couple of sashimi, but they're they can also be
01:01:37
our friends. So you see a fish and as the trajectory of the fish cuts through the water in the perfect angle, the oxygen is absorbed in the gills. Yeah.
01:01:49
So for us, that's like uh I don't know, maybe if you're 69ing and you just get a
01:01:55
second and you get a fresh of breath air. That's what it feels like when the fish swims through the water at the
01:02:02
perfect trajectory. It's getting that extra air in, you know, but if you take them out the water, dude, you're back
01:02:09
underneath and you got to hold your breath again. I know who you are now. Who am I? The [ __ ] up William Defoe,
01:02:16
dude. And I also have the big penis. Can you see it? Can you see it? Just kidding. Yeah, there is something about
01:02:22
him that's William Defoe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, not now. You're way worse. Yeah, dude. Do that smile. Hey, AI is
01:02:34
going to fix AI is going to fix me, dude. Pretty soon it's going to be like one of those video games. You just customize your character. Yeah, I can add a couple of
01:02:46
uh inches to my height, you know, maybe lose the [ __ ] expect the patronum that ho. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. We're muting you now. Yeah.
01:02:57
All right. Well, Jackson, Jackson Hole, thank you. I think you're a fantastic group. Okay, you don't have to bow to
01:03:03
me. Sorry. I was polite. Okay. Thank you, Jackson. Thank you, Jackson Hole. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jackson, that's not because it's not screwed in. No, no, that's not your fault. MCO didn't put
01:03:15
the weight back on the [ __ ] It's okay. What a guy. Thanks, Jackson. What a guy.
01:03:21
Where do we go from there? I don't know. What a guy, though. Interesting guy. Yeah, that was wild. He was wild. Should
01:03:28
we fire him? No, I kind of want to keep him. Only one more month. Really? And then we got to get him a job, I think.
01:03:35
Yeah, I think we got to get him a job. And then what? What are we going to make him do here? Landscaping.
01:03:41
In North Dakota. Yeah, in North Dakota. I like this guy. Both of them I liked. They're both great. Yeah. We've we've
01:03:47
we've done a great job having a good crew of interns come through this show. What? He wants a job. You want a job?
01:03:53
Okay. He wants a job. What are we going to do? He just begged. That was so sad. Okay. Give him money. I'm going to give
01:03:59
him the 100. You get him money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Should I do it now? Yeah. Make him come get it. Come here, guys.
01:04:06
You going to make us fight for money? No. No. Here's some money for you. Are you serious? Yeah. Cuz I I actually am
01:04:12
not paid at all. There's money. Here. Just have a dinner. Nice dinner for you guys. Are you sure? Thank you so much.
01:04:17
That That genuinely means a lot. Appreciate it. That's very nice. I don't shake hands, but Thank you. No. No. Back
01:04:23
the [ __ ] up, bro. One day. No day. No day. I'll repay you. I'll get No, no, no. Don't get out. Get out. You deserve
01:04:30
that. You deserve it. You guys deserve that. You guys are both fantastic. Thank you so much. You changed their day. You
01:04:35
sh You see what you do? That's like five Chipotles visits. Can I do a uh can I do
01:04:41
like a little uh like a little Larry King out for this? Yeah, please. Here's the deal. What we've learned today is the levels of which Bobby Lee's depths
01:04:53
depth of love in the public eye goes deeper than any of us ever anticipated. He's able to reach out and shape lives he's not even really connected to. We learned that Jackson's
01:05:04
mom, cousin, sister, brother needed help with sobriety founded through you and your humor and who you are and your commitment to the program. And we learned that Barnacle,
01:05:15
that's his name. Yeah. Barnacle. Yeah. Diego. Diego. Diego. Oh, Diego. Like San Diego. Yeah,
01:05:23
I know. We learned that Diego uh No, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. Bob, you got any final words for the kids?
01:05:28
No, absolutely not. Thank you for being a bad friend. [Music] Woo! Woo! [Music]