00:00:00
hey
00:00:01
i want to promote a few things first of
00:00:03
all badfriendsmerch.com this stuff
00:00:05
is on sale this great hat we have shirts
00:00:07
we got all sorts of stuff go to bad
00:00:08
friendsmerch.com to get any of this
00:00:10
stuff and also bobby's excited to let
00:00:13
you know that i've got some dates coming
00:00:15
up to warm up for my new special i'm
00:00:16
taping an hour so excited aren't you
00:00:18
excited for me to do my hour yeah i'm
00:00:20
going to salt lake city september 9th
00:00:21
and 10th um at brea the 13th i'm also
00:00:24
adding many more dates and the specials
00:00:26
being shot in denver colorado at the
00:00:28
paramount theatre those stickers are
00:00:28
going to be available uh as soon as
00:00:31
possible they might be up now go to
00:00:33
andrewsantino.com
00:00:34
andrewsantino.com salt lake city come
00:00:36
out bray california come on out and see
00:00:39
me andrew santino.com i just shot i just
00:00:42
shot this big goon in the face well shot
00:00:44
what did you we're playing rage shadow
00:00:45
ledges everyone knows ray shadow legend
00:00:46
is going into my battle right now and
00:00:48
i'm going i'm doing the campaign this is
00:00:50
actually very cool and then i did that
00:00:54
there's four of us together marching
00:00:55
through this game
00:00:56
the graphics are actually really good
00:00:57
they're really good at graphics i just
00:00:59
killed as a big dragon this dragon looks
00:01:02
a lot like me yeah this year raid
00:01:04
celebrates its third year anniversary
00:01:06
these are my top three champions coronar
00:01:09
cleopa turks by stofus i love that he
00:01:12
has a high accuracy aura for all allies
00:01:16
and these are our top three places to
00:01:17
play i play in the shower you play in
00:01:19
the shower yeah i play it while i'm
00:01:21
punching jumping i play it i play it
00:01:22
when i'm in bed that's the most time i
00:01:24
play video games on my phone is when i'm
00:01:25
in the bed or when i'm in the backyard
00:01:28
sometimes i just sit outside by myself
00:01:29
basically
00:01:30
you can play it anywhere it's fine
00:01:32
anywhere yeah anytime you can do it on
00:01:34
mobile or pc yup it's for both it's a
00:01:37
great guy the graphics are insane
00:01:39
they're console level graphics and this
00:01:41
month raid's got a non-stop schedule of
00:01:43
uh special events and activities
00:01:45
including forged past season three with
00:01:46
some amazing rewards uh on offer
00:01:49
including a limited edition artifact set
00:01:51
limited edition if that's not enough
00:01:53
raid's bringing out some new
00:01:55
champions along with some awesome
00:01:57
looking champion skins for the
00:01:58
incredible medam series and uh um but
00:02:02
wait big news got some big news right
00:02:03
here we have big news raid is giving
00:02:05
everyone's favorite champion the upgrade
00:02:06
he deserves you might have seen his
00:02:08
struggle for awesomeness in some raids
00:02:10
hilarious videos but finally death
00:02:12
knight is becoming a legendary champion
00:02:15
it's something we've all been waiting
00:02:16
for
00:02:17
and i can't wait to see how ultimate
00:02:19
death knight turns out man there's never
00:02:21
been a better time to get started new
00:02:22
players use our link or scan the qr code
00:02:24
right here on the screen and get a free
00:02:26
starter pack worth almost 30 dollars for
00:02:28
free champion and yeah
00:02:30
and also this cool in-game loot you'll
00:02:33
find your rewards here on your inbox for
00:02:34
the next 30 days only
00:02:38
you two are bad friends who are these
00:02:40
two idiots
00:02:42
white dude i'm an asian dude
00:02:45
you two are disgusting
00:02:47
well you two or something we're bad
00:02:49
friends do you do you feel better when
00:02:51
you get like a white limo driver or a
00:02:53
white driver you do you do you like that
00:02:55
more
00:02:56
yeah but i don't like it because
00:02:57
whenever
00:02:58
if they know who i am
00:03:00
it's okay yeah but sometimes when not
00:03:02
all every time if i get a white driver
00:03:05
and they see it's me
00:03:07
they get bummed right away why because i
00:03:09
look like i don't have money
00:03:11
that's true
00:03:13
last night
00:03:15
you did it espy's after party yeah i
00:03:17
don't by the way did you watch espys
00:03:18
steph did stand up uh sarah tiana wrote
00:03:21
some of his stuff
00:03:22
uh chris spencer
00:03:24
uh who else he crushed actually he's a
00:03:27
really nice guy no but he actually did
00:03:28
really well at the espys like he roasted
00:03:30
a little bit it was kind of fun man yeah
00:03:32
because even when i mean uh collide did
00:03:33
his game show you know his wife at a
00:03:35
game show he was very funny and loose
00:03:38
and good he's a dope dude he's a good
00:03:40
dude what he's very cosmetic yeah he's
00:03:42
extreme that's not your guy though like
00:03:43
spud webb that's your guy
00:03:45
this guy he walked in this morning he
00:03:46
walked in and was like
00:03:48
he's like man tino do you see what
00:03:49
happened with the pentagon and i was
00:03:51
like of course oh my god and he's like
00:03:52
man they released a whole new
00:03:54
subcategory tell them what it is oh so
00:03:56
you know how they get the uap task force
00:03:59
so now they open up an office
00:04:01
for anomalous vehicles that's going from
00:04:03
space into the water so they're trying
00:04:04
to monitor everything oh they go to
00:04:06
water now they've been in water season
00:04:08
that's what i'm talking about they never
00:04:09
even mentioned the [ __ ] they've been
00:04:10
there
00:04:23
is this it this is what the new thing is
00:04:25
oh my god
00:04:32
you know he does this late at night he's
00:04:33
on these docks late at night
00:04:35
what a sad world just type in ufo and
00:04:37
then type and then click on news type in
00:04:39
ufo
00:04:40
news i can imagine dog with his alien
00:04:44
pajamas
00:04:45
right late at night
00:04:48
experience mission
00:04:50
just reading the stuff it's so sad it's
00:04:52
so sad
00:04:53
[Laughter]
00:04:55
yeah after only eight months of
00:04:56
existence the pentagon's office tasked
00:04:58
with investigating and tracking ufos or
00:05:00
unidentified aerial phenomena will look
00:05:02
beyond the stars for objects of interest
00:05:04
on wednesday the pentagon announced that
00:05:06
it renamed and expanded the authority of
00:05:08
the government's chief ufo office that
00:05:10
someone just got a promotion
00:05:12
formerly known as the airborne object
00:05:14
identification and management group or
00:05:16
aoimg
00:05:19
the office will now be known as the all
00:05:21
domain anomaly resolution office or aaro
00:05:25
arrow
00:05:27
i got to be honest with you all jokes
00:05:29
aside right now yeah all jokes aside
00:05:32
this
00:05:33
this is going on so under the radar
00:05:37
that a piece of me knows
00:05:39
they have so much information sure
00:05:42
uh honestly
00:05:43
this is how is this not the front page
00:05:45
news that
00:05:47
like they've slid this under biden has
00:05:49
coveted
00:05:50
do you know what i mean yeah like biden
00:05:52
has covered like big [ __ ] deal
00:05:53
everyone has covered right now literally
00:05:54
everybody how come we don't hear about
00:05:56
that but also are you scared are you
00:05:57
scared of you but doctor you got to do
00:05:59
it the way they're doing it because it
00:06:00
scares everybody it should scare
00:06:02
everyone i didn't know what a galaxy was
00:06:04
i've been because since i met you i've
00:06:05
been like googling things and trying to
00:06:07
learn about it there's 300 billion
00:06:09
planets in our galaxy wait wait there's
00:06:11
300 billion planets in our galaxy alone
00:06:13
yeah i think 200 billion yeah 200
00:06:15
billion yeah you're off by 100 billion i
00:06:17
don't know but that check this out right
00:06:19
and then there are 300 million planets
00:06:21
that could be like earth
00:06:23
in that 200 billion
00:06:25
right so and then that's just our
00:06:27
galaxy's other galaxy so in my head i'm
00:06:29
like theoretically right you're right i
00:06:31
mean it's the odds there's got to be
00:06:33
other life intelligent life on on the
00:06:35
planet right right we can't be the only
00:06:36
thing we can't be the only because we're
00:06:37
not that good look at us in this room
00:06:39
yeah can you imagine that they came back
00:06:41
but that's what they haven't been there
00:06:42
we're so dumb you know you know how like
00:06:44
the last time we was talking about this
00:06:45
and y'all name some some of those groups
00:06:48
of different species y'all name yeah
00:06:51
let's think about this all right
00:06:53
okay yeah what else name another one the
00:06:56
gray people yeah
00:06:57
uh
00:06:58
blue man group okay man you're awesome
00:07:00
[ __ ] that's the [ __ ] michael
00:07:02
stipe from like
00:07:04
100 percent michael stein you think that
00:07:06
you don't think that guy's a [ __ ]
00:07:08
yeah
00:07:09
vern troyer was definitely right
00:07:12
definitely what
00:07:14
so let's just say this let's say let's
00:07:16
pretend right now that those are all
00:07:18
real they are yeah they are real so what
00:07:21
that means they're all coming here and
00:07:23
they're able to get to us but we're not
00:07:24
able to get to them it means we're in
00:07:26
the middle of something that's why we
00:07:27
don't know what to understand what's
00:07:29
going on well yeah we don't i don't
00:07:31
think we're the end of it we're in the
00:07:32
middle of i think we're just in the
00:07:33
middle of something and we're starting
00:07:35
to find out
00:07:36
yeah but the theory that they're having
00:07:37
a war
00:07:39
if you look online there's like a war
00:07:40
between five different alien races right
00:07:43
possible who's winning what who's
00:07:44
winning you would think that you would
00:07:46
walk outside and see a shrapnel of uh
00:07:48
something something but they're
00:07:51
like well there's no sign of look at the
00:07:52
distance we are from different solar
00:07:54
system what the [ __ ] are you talking
00:07:55
about see but you said that they're here
00:07:58
yeah
00:07:59
yeah they've been coming here and they
00:08:01
are here they're here now they're here
00:08:03
where are they where are they
00:08:05
underwater are they underwater in the
00:08:07
water they don't want to stay on the
00:08:08
surface
00:08:10
or whatever they got there with the
00:08:11
government no no i'm saying are there
00:08:13
any of them walking free
00:08:15
well amongst us
00:08:17
according to
00:08:19
the government is possible
00:08:21
what right so according to the documents
00:08:24
like unaccountable pregnancies that
00:08:25
would be they're walking to monsters
00:08:28
just depends on how many
00:08:30
women or how many people didn't have
00:08:31
that if it's if that's true you know you
00:08:33
understand what i'm saying so you're
00:08:34
saying women are getting pregnant
00:08:36
by aliens you want to call them aliens
00:08:38
whatever you want to call them yeah well
00:08:39
okay what what do you want me to call
00:08:41
them
00:08:41
well because they they can still be
00:08:43
human be like you know what your problem
00:08:45
is you think that we probably are the
00:08:47
only human beings
00:08:48
hey type in 1977
00:08:51
staffordshire youtube on youtube so
00:08:54
theoretically look at me theoretically
00:08:57
i could be an alien
00:08:59
that's possible hey doc that would
00:09:00
explain it you know it's bringing you
00:09:02
that explain a lot
00:09:03
yeah my great dick that my great dig
00:09:05
that would explain my great day
00:09:16
spots in the sky lights in the sky
00:09:18
strange things but the strangest of all
00:09:20
was seen one day over this cottage
00:09:23
mr mrs rustenberg were living there
00:09:24
quietly out in the country
00:09:26
and well pause it stop what i believe
00:09:29
nothing that's going to come out
00:09:31
[Laughter]
00:09:32
this woman escaped eastern european
00:09:35
the block
00:09:37
came to [ __ ] wherever she what is
00:09:38
this isn't is it england now yeah she
00:09:40
made it out alive but dude 1954 look at
00:09:43
what she's wearing that shirt by the way
00:09:45
she's
00:09:45
she's 28 years old
00:09:48
she's in really bad condition yeah
00:09:51
no
00:09:52
let's hear what she says let me ask you
00:09:53
something i could tell you you would
00:09:54
[ __ ] her before you would [ __ ] me of
00:09:56
course i would give it to her in a
00:09:57
heartbeat
00:09:59
okay
00:10:03
without the accent though if she wasn't
00:10:04
british
00:10:06
i smeared [ __ ] before this guy of course
00:10:08
you're [ __ ] dumb you're dumb
00:10:11
you would you would [ __ ] her before you
00:10:12
[ __ ] andrew anybody dudes look at me i'm
00:10:15
taking that [ __ ] though
00:10:21
tell me what you saw
00:10:23
well it was
00:10:25
one ordinary day
00:10:26
i
00:10:27
was waiting for my husband to come home
00:10:29
from work and my two sons
00:10:31
went to cypher to school and i was
00:10:33
getting changed and
00:10:35
i heard this terrific noise it was just
00:10:37
like a giant cauldron of water being
00:10:40
poured onto a fire ash sort of noise you
00:10:44
know and my first reaction was oh the
00:10:46
children i thought maybe a plane was
00:10:48
crashing or something like that
00:10:50
and i
00:10:52
slipped my jumper on and went outside to
00:10:55
find my two sons lying flat on the
00:10:57
ground in the garden in front of the
00:10:59
house shouting mummy mummy as a flying
00:11:01
saucer
00:11:02
well naturally i
00:11:04
just said come on don't be stupid
00:11:07
come in the house but felt
00:11:09
sort of a strange sensation
00:11:13
when wended my way
00:11:14
up the side of the house to where we had
00:11:16
a pump where we used to get all our
00:11:18
water from
00:11:20
and um
00:11:21
automatically looked up to see this
00:11:25
all i can describe this huge mexican hat
00:11:30
it was stationary this thing
00:11:32
and it was brighter
00:11:47
[Applause]
00:11:54
she's talking
00:12:01
so you watch this [ __ ] late at night no
00:12:04
yes three in the morning this is an
00:12:06
alien pajama this is porn you're playing
00:12:08
underwire
00:12:17
this was
00:12:19
after i watched the scientists in his
00:12:20
approach on the whole situation and he
00:12:23
was about to collect the information so
00:12:24
he said it's not about what bubblers are
00:12:27
if he proven him real or fake he just
00:12:29
wanted to hear what he said and he's
00:12:30
after listening to him he was convinced
00:12:32
that's my approach so i said okay let me
00:12:34
let me try to listen to some of this
00:12:35
[ __ ] this [ __ ] sounds crazy but i'm just
00:12:38
saying this just because we were talking
00:12:40
about pregnancies and and and
00:12:43
y'all were saying about aliens but i'm
00:12:45
about to show y'all that the aliens
00:12:46
could be these go ahead and show these
00:12:48
[ __ ]
00:12:49
wait what can we watch more there's more
00:12:51
well let's listen she's about to explain
00:12:52
she's about to get to the part where she
00:12:54
about to tell who was in the vehicle
00:12:56
okay i don't believe her i don't believe
00:12:58
her okay but i'm just she said it looked
00:13:00
like a mexican hat yeah at that i'm done
00:13:02
after that's her only description yeah
00:13:04
listen i'm not saying i believe her i'm
00:13:06
saying that there's a possibility what
00:13:08
she's saying could be true facts no play
00:13:11
them on the phone
00:13:12
[Laughter]
00:13:17
a dome it was tilted
00:13:20
to sort of
00:13:22
i could see the occupants in it you saw
00:13:24
people in it
00:13:27
you're telling me yeah these people have
00:13:29
the unimaginable technology to [ __ ]
00:13:32
come to earth
00:13:34
in a saucer yeah but they've got a dome
00:13:36
and you can see inside who's in it and
00:13:39
they're going
00:13:40
how are you get the [ __ ] out of the [ __ ]
00:13:43
out of here
00:13:44
yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here hello
00:13:48
they would let you see them yeah they
00:13:49
wouldn't do that no it'd be like one of
00:13:51
those if there was a window one of those
00:13:53
fbi interrogation windows where it's
00:13:54
like one way a little slit you can't see
00:13:57
it they can almost yeah hello how are
00:13:59
you yeah we have big heads sorry and her
00:14:02
she's playing like the jetsons with the
00:14:03
bubble like
00:14:07
that's insane it's insane why would they
00:14:08
let you see them and then they would
00:14:10
come down on a saucer otherwise they
00:14:12
would come down and make a big [ __ ]
00:14:14
stink anyway but how come they disappear
00:14:15
all the time if you hear about the
00:14:17
majority of the saucers back then that's
00:14:18
what they were they had a clear dog so
00:14:20
oh they declare don't yeah oh so they've
00:14:22
they've advanced they're right
00:14:24
i'm a [ __ ] y'all know
00:14:25
yeah yeah according to i ain't saying
00:14:27
that she was real i'm just saying okay
00:14:29
let's hear what this woman has to say
00:14:31
people in there
00:14:33
and
00:14:35
these people
00:14:37
were beautiful people that's the only
00:14:38
way i can just describe them stop
00:14:41
stop saying this no
00:14:43
so they look like brook shields
00:14:46
and steve mcqueen waving hello
00:14:49
we're the beautiful people
00:14:52
what the [ __ ] are you saying they're
00:14:53
beautiful people
00:14:55
now is your assumption that they have
00:14:56
taken our form because they can see us
00:14:58
and they can i mean no it doesn't what
00:15:00
i'm saying is is you are in your minds
00:15:03
right you would think that we're the
00:15:04
only ones made here that look like us
00:15:06
and it's that doesn't have to be the
00:15:08
case i think that we're the only ones
00:15:09
that look are you [ __ ] me you guys
00:15:11
can i just ask you something right i
00:15:13
think we look like us
00:15:14
yeah when people are telling me stories
00:15:16
i look at the person first and go what
00:15:18
is this guy's credentials yeah i mean do
00:15:20
i know this person like if lex friedman
00:15:22
yeah right pulled me aside and goes
00:15:24
listen dude i saw it he described it i
00:15:26
would be like you know what lex friedman
00:15:28
is one of the smartest guys on planet
00:15:30
earth yeah right he was a goddamn dummy
00:15:33
who you why because
00:15:36
because of a goddamn that he could be
00:15:37
lying to you and you're going just
00:15:39
because that's his job he's a scientist
00:15:40
that'll make he's not one of the
00:15:42
smartest people in the world that's what
00:15:43
the [ __ ] he does he's just assigned you
00:15:44
think lex is smarter than you no yeah
00:15:47
they just do science that's all they do
00:15:48
this [ __ ] is crazy to me when people put
00:15:50
scientists on this level that they
00:15:52
shouldn't
00:15:55
it's [ __ ] crazy
00:15:57
dude he's about to tell him
00:15:59
he's about to literally be like and
00:16:01
they're out here telling us the earth
00:16:02
can't hide when
00:16:05
[Music]
00:16:06
yeah what they think that black you know
00:16:08
the the the demon coveted lady that
00:16:10
trump was using that one
00:16:12
right yeah like you would go to her
00:16:14
that's your family practitioner
00:16:16
doc there's some people with credentials
00:16:19
because he's a scientist
00:16:22
no i'm not saying that but what i'm
00:16:23
saying is is he's just taking that guy
00:16:26
and saying if he said this i would
00:16:28
believe him because i know him
00:16:30
it doesn't matter that's cause you're a
00:16:32
little [ __ ]
00:16:41
he's not smarter than you that's just
00:16:42
his job time out time if you was in the
00:16:44
science you would be doing it if you was
00:16:46
in the science you would be there or not
00:16:48
we're
00:17:01
he's a [ __ ] science teacher just like
00:17:03
anybody else you can do that [ __ ] no no
00:17:05
science what he's just hungry for dude
00:17:09
scientists or different people in these
00:17:12
positions
00:17:17
yeah yeah time out yeah just stop the
00:17:18
yelling cause you're talking over each
00:17:19
other yeah but i do want to say this and
00:17:21
i'm making this announcement to the fans
00:17:23
to bobby lee to the crew
00:17:25
and to doc
00:17:27
i want lex friedman on this show
00:17:29
to go toe-to-toe with you yeah
00:17:32
on who's smarter because you just said
00:17:34
do you think lex is smarter than those
00:17:35
and i said yeah i think he is smarter
00:17:37
than me and you said why
00:17:39
because i know he's smarter than me yeah
00:17:40
in what way
00:17:42
robotics yeah engineering but that's
00:17:44
what he does for a living yeah yeah i
00:17:46
don't know how to do it i don't know how
00:17:48
to do it but but here's the thing if you
00:17:50
can help me i wouldn't be able to
00:17:51
comprehend he could do step-by-step with
00:17:54
me i'd forget the moment he left exactly
00:17:56
how many people know how to do what you
00:17:58
do
00:17:58
what do we do what do we do you're
00:18:00
stand-up comics
00:18:01
this is an accident
00:18:04
we're idiots
00:18:05
this is goofball weirdo [ __ ] because
00:18:07
we're [ __ ] up in the head
00:18:09
the first year my first joke was wet
00:18:10
farts into the mic
00:18:12
yeah yeah but that's all i know how to
00:18:14
do we're stupid weirdos we're brave
00:18:17
we're brave right right
00:18:19
you're elevating them and you shouldn't
00:18:22
do that so we should bring them down
00:18:24
right and on level with you there's no
00:18:26
difference between them
00:18:30
uh intelligent wise i don't i don't feel
00:18:32
like nobody is depending on what which
00:18:34
which you do it's what you do so you're
00:18:36
going to be doing it stephen hawking me
00:18:38
and stephen hawking are the same
00:18:41
yes you can be but you're dumb because
00:18:44
you feel you're done and you act dumb
00:18:46
because that's how you feel about
00:18:47
yourself i don't feel like i'm dumb i
00:18:49
don't feel like i'm dumber than alex i'm
00:18:51
lex i don't feel like that i just feel
00:18:52
like that's what he does
00:18:54
you think you're as intelligent as
00:18:56
stephen hawking yes
00:19:01
it's insane i love it so no one is
00:19:04
smarter than you
00:19:05
no i've been this is what i feel like
00:19:08
this is what i feel like if if yeah if
00:19:12
you're talking about on the scale of
00:19:14
what that profession is he's way more
00:19:16
intelligent let's remove the professions
00:19:18
stop with the profession right let's
00:19:19
take stephen hawking away from his job
00:19:21
as a
00:19:22
[ __ ] molecular biomechanics because
00:19:25
you only know him as a scientist okay
00:19:27
but let's just what about in terms of
00:19:28
getting sick for example do you if you
00:19:31
are smarter you get sick uh you get
00:19:33
covered for example more times or less
00:19:35
times okay fancy taking shots did you
00:19:38
see what he just did yeah you just did
00:19:39
that yeah what did he say
00:19:42
no never mind yeah
00:19:44
no word from our sponsor better help you
00:19:46
guys um during
00:19:48
even till now but during the pandemic
00:19:50
and stuff i use better help to get my
00:19:51
therapy i needed it um
00:19:53
you know it's like uh
00:19:55
you know we've had tough times and i
00:19:56
just think that um
00:19:58
the healthier path
00:19:59
is to have someone to talk to that's a
00:20:01
professional and to get on the road to
00:20:03
like being free and um i'm going through
00:20:06
some hard times and i i really just
00:20:08
enjoy this uh
00:20:10
this situation that service is great
00:20:11
better help is online therapy it offers
00:20:13
video phone and even live chat sessions
00:20:15
so you don't have to see anyone on
00:20:16
camera if you don't want to it's much
00:20:17
more affordable than in-person therapy
00:20:19
it's online therapy i can tell you i can
00:20:20
attest to that uh in-person therapy is
00:20:22
very expensive and it can add up and i
00:20:25
gotta tell you this is much more
00:20:26
affordable and you can be matched with a
00:20:28
therapist in under 48 hours which is
00:20:29
extremely fast and you can change the
00:20:31
therapist if you don't really enjoy your
00:20:32
time with that you can talk to somebody
00:20:34
else me and bob are big proponents of
00:20:35
mental health help and this is a great
00:20:37
way to do it so what can they do our
00:20:39
listeners get 10 off their first month
00:20:41
at betterhelp.com
00:20:43
bad friends that's better h-e-l-p dot
00:20:46
com slash
00:20:50
we always do with a british accent i
00:20:51
love it because it seems european fancy
00:20:54
hello fresh hello fresh oh there's fresh
00:20:56
at my front door with hellofresh you get
00:20:58
farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and
00:21:00
seasonal recipes delivered right to your
00:21:02
doorstep skip trips to the grocery store
00:21:04
and count on hellofresh to make home
00:21:06
cooking easy fun and affordable that's
00:21:09
why it's america's number number one kid
00:21:11
that's exactly right it is man look i do
00:21:14
not like cooking i hate it because i
00:21:16
don't know what to do this is so easy it
00:21:18
gives two idiots like a step-by-step
00:21:20
recipe
00:21:21
it's 30 minutes or less
00:21:23
they got quick and easy recipes they got
00:21:25
20 minute meals they got low prep low
00:21:27
clean up options provide an even faster
00:21:29
route to putting food on the table
00:21:30
around your crazy intense schedule it's
00:21:32
so cool you gotta try it oh so fun to
00:21:35
make this stuff yeah because it's laid
00:21:36
out for you they put in little separate
00:21:38
things so it's easy and it's just you
00:21:40
know it's kind of like uh it's like
00:21:41
tetris you just put everything together
00:21:42
all i do is flip the piece and put it
00:21:44
here and put it there and cook it and
00:21:45
eat it yeah uh need another reason to
00:21:47
stay in for dinner hellofresh is 72
00:21:49
percent cheaper than dining at a
00:21:52
restaurant so much and it's even cheaper
00:21:53
than grocery shopping guys that's money
00:21:55
back in your pocket it's like you're
00:21:56
making money all right it's a good we
00:21:58
both used it we both love it i'm a big
00:22:01
fan of it the meals have gotten better
00:22:02
and better and they've changed their
00:22:03
recipes as time has gone on so do
00:22:05
yourself a favor and sign up for
00:22:06
hellofresh right now where do they gotta
00:22:07
go bob go to
00:22:09
hellofresh.combadfriend16 and use code
00:22:11
bad friend 16 for 16 free meals across
00:22:14
seven boxes and three free gifts
00:22:16
telefresh.com slash bad friend 16 that
00:22:18
codes bad friends 16 16 free meals
00:22:20
across seven boxes and three free gifts
00:22:22
hello fresh america's number one meal
00:22:23
kit i don't know
00:22:27
um
00:22:28
there was a zombie apocalypse it's here
00:22:30
now
00:22:30
okay a zombie apocalypse oh no right
00:22:32
here there's 30 people right
00:22:35
that's surviving you know i mean and
00:22:38
lex friedman and me are part of this 30
00:22:40
people right yeah who do you think they
00:22:42
would ask to be in charge to get things
00:22:44
right
00:22:45
they would go down as far as work for
00:22:47
what in any survival getting electricity
00:22:50
almost any strategy
00:22:52
strategy
00:23:04
is
00:23:10
after a long day of trying to rebuild
00:23:12
society and build up the wall so the
00:23:14
zombies don't kill us all
00:23:16
everyone's tired and at the end lex
00:23:18
comes up to bobby and he's like will you
00:23:20
do like the penis dance for everyone to
00:23:22
get the morale up and you do any crushes
00:23:25
right and that rewards him as a higher
00:23:27
value however
00:23:30
exactly in that scenario not gonna
00:23:32
that's not gonna make the group go this
00:23:34
is the smartest guy in the group
00:23:36
right now they're gonna go this guy's
00:23:38
the most fun exactly i love this guy
00:23:41
he's the king that's my role
00:23:44
that's my role we play our roles yeah
00:23:46
we're just we're jesters yeah
00:23:48
but what you're doing whatever you're
00:23:50
doing dude what is your problem think
00:23:52
about what you're saying i know what i'm
00:23:54
saying because they listen none of those
00:23:56
guys have contributed to science as far
00:23:59
as technology and uplifting do you know
00:24:02
that i know that
00:24:03
no but here's what i'm saying this is
00:24:04
what i'm saying you think teaching is
00:24:05
well i will say lex he does build [ __ ]
00:24:07
he does build but he hasn't
00:24:09
look those guys haven't invented things
00:24:12
the the guys that you think that are
00:24:13
really smart are the guys that invent
00:24:15
and create you on their own so stephen
00:24:17
hawking with the whole black hole thing
00:24:18
in the theater the whole black hole
00:24:19
thing that [ __ ] is always getting his
00:24:21
[ __ ] ain't even 100 they gave him a
00:24:22
nobel peace prize on some [ __ ] that he
00:24:24
hundred percent don't even know he just
00:24:26
basically go okay no because they
00:24:29
they've been showing to his [ __ ]
00:24:30
but he was wondering am i about right am
00:24:32
i right but he was one of the first
00:24:33
people to come up with a lot of these
00:24:34
theories yeah yeah so theorizing is the
00:24:36
part i was one of the first people that
00:24:37
came up with some of the most of this
00:24:38
[ __ ] yeah okay so it's einstein smaller
00:24:41
than me of course
00:24:44
there are people then right no here's
00:24:46
what i'll say
00:24:47
we got one albert einstein guys
00:24:49
not stephen hawking but but einstein yes
00:24:52
hey i'll be honest
00:24:53
i'll be honest with you yeah he wasn't
00:24:55
as smart as you oh yeah
00:24:57
he was [ __ ] his own cousin he cheated
00:24:59
on his wife with his own cousin okay you
00:25:01
don't know how good his cousin's [ __ ]
00:25:02
was yeah yeah yeah yeah you weren't a
00:25:04
[ __ ] round but what i'm saying is is
00:25:07
he was a you you say he's a genius in
00:25:09
science but as a man as a as like
00:25:12
all-around genius and understanding love
00:25:13
and connection all they eat it he's [ __ ]
00:25:16
see there's an intelligence involved in
00:25:18
just okay
00:25:19
speaking of the microphone you're going
00:25:21
against just speaking the mic yeah we've
00:25:22
got to stay in the mic i know you're
00:25:23
getting passionate you're getting what i
00:25:24
am you're going into the science the art
00:25:26
like it's just it's science okay the
00:25:29
same dumb [ __ ] that made
00:25:30
nuclear weapons that we're having a
00:25:31
problem with today dumb ass scientists
00:25:33
you think you say they smart because
00:25:35
they could create the weapons but
00:25:36
they're dumb because they made them okay
00:25:38
okay they may not have social empathy
00:25:41
right it's kind of like how sometimes
00:25:42
higher intellectual people have
00:25:44
are on the spectrum they don't they're
00:25:45
not good at social cues or they're not
00:25:47
good at looking people in the eye and
00:25:49
certain types of conversation rhythmic
00:25:51
beats right you may be more intellectual
00:25:53
when it comes to those things but as far
00:25:56
as the far-reaching things that are much
00:25:58
more difficult to compute with the
00:25:59
regular brain they're smarter in science
00:26:02
yes but science is almost everything
00:26:04
what do you think everything is
00:26:05
everything is [ __ ] science but they
00:26:07
don't have they're not you are science
00:26:21
we are intellectually superior when it
00:26:23
comes to comedic rhythms timings thought
00:26:26
processes right but that's a
00:26:28
almost
00:26:29
unusable skill
00:26:32
outside of what we do
00:26:34
in another society it wouldn't even be
00:26:36
functioning as is like a hundred years
00:26:37
ago i lived in korea right and i was my
00:26:40
families were rice i'm back in ireland
00:26:42
he's in korea yeah my we heard rice and
00:26:44
i'm a potato farmer yeah right and i'm
00:26:47
cracking jokes in the field yeah that's
00:26:49
it that's it that's what i'm doing i'm
00:26:51
running a day in the rice field right
00:26:53
right but if i was like friedman i'd be
00:26:55
in the government well you'd own the
00:26:57
rice field yeah i would own the rice
00:26:59
field by the way you collecting rice
00:27:00
cracking jokes oh my god so [ __ ]
00:27:02
funny yeah but we need to do a movie
00:27:04
where it's like dual world's happening
00:27:06
and i'm in a potato farm
00:27:08
and i'm stuffing potatoes in my ass to
00:27:09
get a laugh you know how those rice
00:27:10
teddy hats when i'm doing you could if
00:27:12
you had an aerial view you could see the
00:27:14
hats go up and down because i'm chilling
00:27:16
so hard
00:27:20
know what i mean but that's all i'm good
00:27:21
at how many bushels did you pick i
00:27:23
killed today
00:27:25
yeah yeah i know what you're saying
00:27:26
there's a question here's a question
00:27:29
you guys never wanted to be a scientist
00:27:35
[Laughter]
00:27:38
this is good sit this is really good
00:27:40
let me just explain something no i never
00:27:42
watched let me explain something okay
00:27:44
my parents said to me at the age of 16
00:27:47
because i got all f's
00:27:49
right like v's
00:27:50
for fun i for fun right my dad goes i'll
00:27:53
buy you brand new car if you just get c
00:27:57
in biology
00:27:59
right
00:28:00
i that semester
00:28:02
i [ __ ]
00:28:04
studied i did the tests right i got a d
00:28:09
are you serious yeah and i never got the
00:28:11
car you know it was crazy okay so my
00:28:12
point is this and i remember every night
00:28:15
i go you know what dude i am going to
00:28:17
[ __ ] study all the i couldn't
00:28:19
comprehend it
00:28:20
[Laughter]
00:28:23
and i get there yeah yeah you worked so
00:28:25
hard i worked so hard to get it to get
00:28:27
10 more points
00:28:39
you know sorry i ain't trying to diss
00:28:40
you but i got locked in juvenile yeah
00:28:44
and still gotta see
00:28:45
in goddamn chemistry after i got locked
00:28:48
up that's how [ __ ] smart it was i
00:28:50
even posted it on instagram you
00:28:52
[ __ ]
00:28:54
you see i guess cause i was trying to
00:28:56
prove my point
00:29:01
all i'm saying is everything is
00:29:03
information and information is all about
00:29:05
your desire and what you want to learn
00:29:06
it's just like did they ask neil
00:29:08
degrasse tyson was he great at math he
00:29:09
said no he said i just love to do the
00:29:11
science so i learned and i pushed to
00:29:14
learn the math that's all it is some
00:29:16
people have a better comprehension level
00:29:17
comprehension level something like this
00:29:19
okay i would say that like physically
00:29:20
there are some people smarter than
00:29:22
others because of physically they can't
00:29:24
but just because you're in your
00:29:25
positions doesn't mean you're not smart
00:29:27
it just means that they didn't say we're
00:29:29
not smart i'm saying they're smarter
00:29:31
than me yeah i'm smart they're smarter
00:29:34
than me
00:29:36
that's all he's saying here here i'm
00:29:37
tall nba players are taller than me
00:29:41
it can cause they both can exist
00:29:43
but you to say that those people aren't
00:29:44
smarter than me i know what you mean
00:29:46
you're picking out certain certain
00:29:48
scales of intelligence but there is an
00:29:50
over okay iq iq is a broad test that
00:29:55
shows your level of intellectual
00:29:56
abilities to comprehend different parts
00:29:59
of
00:29:59
of of math science social blah it's
00:30:02
everything right iq is the basis
00:30:04
stephen hawking's iq is higher than
00:30:06
yours and mine and his probably combined
00:30:08
if i'm being honest
00:30:10
but what i'm saying so yes he's smarter
00:30:12
than us
00:30:13
that's only there has to be a scale but
00:30:15
that's only because that was his see
00:30:17
also you have to remember you can't
00:30:19
refute the iq testing you
00:30:21
it depends on how you were born where
00:30:23
you were and what you what it just
00:30:25
depends on what you're attracted to so
00:30:26
you're if i believe this is what i
00:30:28
believe you're either everyone has the
00:30:30
ability to be a genius
00:30:31
physically how do we go from aliens to
00:30:33
this i forgot i totally forgot i totally
00:30:35
forgot we just went into a completely
00:30:37
different oh yeah the lady the other
00:30:39
lady that lady they showed the video who
00:30:40
has the highest iq on earth who has the
00:30:42
highest iq alive
00:30:44
despite being a college dropout marilyn
00:30:46
vos savant that's where the word savant
00:30:48
comes from gaining significant attention
00:30:49
when her estimated iq was scored two two
00:30:51
eight was listed in the guinness book of
00:30:52
world records in 85. famous for her
00:30:54
common parade magazine where she gained
00:30:56
critical uh attention for solving the
00:30:58
famous mathematical monty hall problem
00:31:00
oh
00:31:13
so you could just take care of yourself
00:31:15
anything else is what you apply yourself
00:31:18
to right so whatever she does that's
00:31:21
what she wanted to do she loved doing
00:31:23
that so you're gonna i'm telling you you
00:31:25
would be great at science you would be
00:31:27
great if that's what you had
00:31:29
a desire you're not that just wasn't i
00:31:31
had a desire to get a c
00:31:34
to get a car and i didn't happen
00:31:37
i put my desire in it
00:31:39
trust me
00:31:41
right
00:31:42
i hated taking the boss all my friends
00:31:43
at cars my desire was pure 100 a lot of
00:31:47
desire a lot of desire okay i got
00:31:48
something no because my my teachers used
00:31:50
to say i was a potential a student but i
00:31:52
played too much and that was the thing i
00:31:53
played too much and then once i got so
00:31:55
why didn't you have the intellectual
00:31:56
desire to not play too much why didn't i
00:31:58
have the intellectual desire to not play
00:32:00
too much you know grew up different
00:32:02
everybody has no because i think that's
00:32:04
not your path
00:32:06
i don't think it's meant for you okay
00:32:07
because your brain doesn't have that
00:32:09
thing i think that [ __ ] savant her
00:32:12
brain had the thing whether she liked it
00:32:14
or not we had the comedy thing whether
00:32:16
we liked it or not it was developed it
00:32:19
was developing it to make it a
00:32:21
career that is the next step but this
00:32:23
[ __ ] was born a genius she just had to
00:32:25
like child prodigies that can play like
00:32:28
a rock monologue piece at the age of
00:32:30
three i i can't play that's just like a
00:32:32
higher level of [ __ ] intelligence
00:32:34
every time they're sitting nothing it
00:32:36
don't is this maryland savannah what is
00:32:38
all that benefit them what is it does
00:32:39
for now oh i don't know change culture
00:32:42
inspire first where first of all so many
00:32:45
people that's what you do you change
00:32:46
culture you inspire doing what you do
00:32:47
okay but so many of our scientists have
00:32:49
come along that are look at this uh
00:32:50
[ __ ] elon musk 155 this picture was
00:32:52
two two eight that's how smart this
00:32:53
woman was right and timing
00:33:00
is it difficult for a woman but go ahead
00:33:01
no i'm saying i'm saying what science
00:33:04
has contributed
00:33:05
is we've cured disease let's go back to
00:33:08
aliens nothing there's no cures so if
00:33:10
the government created this other agency
00:33:12
this these this agency to specifically
00:33:15
look for ufos right doc
00:33:17
do they have an agency for like
00:33:21
exorcisms and you know i mean that kind
00:33:23
of a realm
00:33:24
like spiritual realms they haven't
00:33:26
announced nothing like that
00:33:27
so there isn't one i don't know it's not
00:33:30
the vatican city oh you think vatican
00:33:31
has one shadiest place on earth it's
00:33:33
pretty shitty no i've never been there
00:33:36
no
00:33:36
scary have you been to the vatican so
00:33:39
scary why
00:33:41
it's it's it's it is it is its own i'm
00:33:44
gonna misquote this it's its own
00:33:47
jurisdiction of everything they have
00:33:48
their own police their own banks their
00:33:50
own government
00:33:51
they don't have to obey to anything
00:33:53
no outside force can influence them
00:33:56
if someone gets murdered yeah in the
00:33:58
walls of the vatican
00:33:59
it doesn't need to ever leave the walls
00:34:01
of the vatican dude and i asked one of
00:34:03
our tour guides when i went there oh you
00:34:04
were just there well we didn't go this
00:34:06
time but i went the last time i went and
00:34:07
i said let me ask you a question you're
00:34:09
gonna find annoying and she was like
00:34:10
yeah yeah and i said how many people do
00:34:12
you think get killed or accidental
00:34:14
deaths
00:34:15
in these walls and she's like a few
00:34:18
times a year i think something happens
00:34:20
within these walls that never makes it
00:34:21
out wow a few times that's incredible
00:34:24
because who would know because you know
00:34:26
the gates are open during mass thousands
00:34:28
of people flood the square so if there's
00:34:30
beef or there's something going on
00:34:31
beneath the surface if it happens in the
00:34:33
square no one will know it's like the da
00:34:35
vinci code it is like the division yeah
00:34:37
yeah
00:34:38
it is like that [ __ ] davinci code
00:34:40
okay it's just shady to me dude god
00:34:42
bless the vatican good for you guys
00:34:44
don't kill me don't [ __ ]
00:34:46
maim me but i just that that to me
00:34:48
that's alien [ __ ] that's ufo stuff yeah
00:34:50
because you know they got some [ __ ] in
00:34:52
the vatican yeah all right so you set
00:34:53
the tone set the mood
00:34:55
set the tone ladies and gentlemen
00:34:57
hold on start again fancy's got to get
00:34:59
ready with this little [ __ ] camera
00:35:01
are you ready
00:35:03
ladies and gentlemen straight from the
00:35:04
paulie shore tournament
00:35:29
into polly
00:35:30
that's what this is
00:35:32
that's not cool dudes yeah yeah polly oh
00:35:35
just like what's up all right first of
00:35:37
all it's the juicy it's the juices here
00:35:40
the juices
00:35:42
first of all i got a bunch of uh dms i
00:35:44
got a bunch of ats and mentions
00:35:47
paulie
00:35:48
tagged us
00:35:49
because he took her out to dinner
00:35:51
and trying to like
00:35:52
show us up and you had the [ __ ] nerve
00:35:55
to say that his was better than ours i
00:35:57
said that's pretty this was really good
00:35:59
thank you paulie and he said
00:36:02
it was it wasn't even the same dimension
00:36:05
not even close you guys went to outback
00:36:07
steakhouse
00:36:08
what was it called what was it called i
00:36:09
was i don't i don't even know that's how
00:36:12
good it was
00:36:14
what was the one that we took you called
00:36:16
match does yeah you got it all right you
00:36:18
remember yeah you remember that you
00:36:19
never bought it
00:36:20
the one we went to wait what michael
00:36:22
jordan ate it the one we went to okay
00:36:24
first of all okay
00:36:28
let me show you something that's pretty
00:36:29
good let me show you something look up
00:36:30
michael jordan's steakhouse chicago
00:36:34
so michael jordan if you're gonna talk
00:36:35
about is he does he know about stakes he
00:36:37
knows about
00:36:38
basketball steakhouse
00:36:41
one of the worst let's look up some
00:36:42
reviews for michael jordan's steakhouse
00:36:45
maybe one of the worst steakhouses that
00:36:46
ever graced the city it was you went
00:36:49
there terrible you went there terrible
00:36:51
yeah i went there years and years ago
00:36:53
give me one review from this [ __ ] i
00:36:54
had one in new york and it closed down
00:36:56
it closed down it closed down in chicago
00:36:57
too it's not even open purse stolen
00:36:59
while eating a table
00:37:00
the food was average the steaks are
00:37:02
overcooked they also had a blue cheese
00:37:04
butter on top that was not that was a
00:37:05
weight or two that
00:37:06
stolen extremely disappointed in this
00:37:09
experience i am in chicago starting a
00:37:10
new medical residency
00:37:13
oh my god this guy's a nine-page
00:37:15
dissertation anyway michael jordan
00:37:17
doesn't know [ __ ] about steaks guy can
00:37:18
hoop but [ __ ] steaks we took you to the
00:37:20
spot and by the way now that he's trying
00:37:23
to trump us
00:37:24
we're taking you to mexico i said you're
00:37:26
getting authentic mexican food we're
00:37:28
going to mexico also you you you said to
00:37:30
me yesterday right that you have stories
00:37:32
about me
00:37:34
right things that paulie told you yeah
00:37:36
yeah
00:37:37
i'm giving you the the platform yeah to
00:37:39
run wild with them what's up jesus could
00:37:41
you
00:37:42
you seem like you knew information
00:37:44
that's going to embarrass me okay go
00:37:46
ahead you guys want to know the juice
00:37:52
all right all right um well there
00:37:55
was a story that he led into by uh a
00:37:57
time he made you cry okay how what was
00:38:00
it do you know it no i don't
00:38:02
he's made me cried so many times
00:38:05
oh there wasn't one yeah um
00:38:08
well i will say i don't remember i would
00:38:10
let her do it i wanted to see if you
00:38:12
knew it i do remember this it was in
00:38:13
michigan
00:38:14
i don't remember it let her do it oh
00:38:18
well
00:38:18
he wanted to go hang out with you in
00:38:20
your hotel room
00:38:22
that's not the story
00:38:23
well that's what he said no he goes
00:38:26
dude
00:38:27
right i'm not making a lot of money on
00:38:30
this gig so we're sharing this room
00:38:33
right
00:38:34
and i was in my room he had walked in
00:38:36
with his luggage right and i thought he
00:38:38
was being real and i go
00:38:40
oh but um
00:38:41
well why don't i just take like the
00:38:43
money you're paying me and i'll just get
00:38:44
my own room no dude we're i'm staying in
00:38:47
and it was like a queen-size bed
00:38:50
right
00:38:51
and i just thought
00:38:53
oh this is gonna be the worst weekend of
00:38:54
my life
00:38:55
and i i just started weeping
00:39:02
well he did tell me that earlier
00:39:04
throughout the tour he would lay on top
00:39:05
of you yeah which he did to me a couple
00:39:08
times and would yell bobby lee
00:39:11
wait he would just jump on top of you
00:39:12
and well like twice in north carolina it
00:39:14
would just stay did you want to tell
00:39:16
that story
00:39:18
he has a way of like you know he's not
00:39:21
you know a mean guy he's a nice guy
00:39:24
right but he's so eccentric and weird
00:39:26
right so he doesn't know like social
00:39:28
rules or you know people's personal
00:39:31
space maybe he's a genius
00:39:34
maybe he's a genius like the people we
00:39:35
talked about before nah he was an
00:39:38
absolute gentleman on the tour and i
00:39:40
think bobby ran or walked so i could run
00:39:44
bobby walked so she could run yeah what
00:39:46
does that mean because i'm kind of
00:39:47
following in your pocket i played the
00:39:48
groundwork yeah
00:39:50
i'm a door guy yeah i'm going on tour
00:39:52
just like you then yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:39:54
yeah yeah so i'm leading the way yeah
00:39:56
and he he
00:39:57
he treated you a lot worse than he
00:39:59
treated me
00:40:00
yeah he treated me really good he got
00:40:01
his massages wow
00:40:04
the [ __ ] blows my mind we had so many
00:40:07
fancy dinners like
00:40:09
that blows my mind you were with him on
00:40:10
tour 20 [ __ ] years ago
00:40:13
so dude one time i did you're paying for
00:40:15
this
00:40:16
you had to pay for the game yeah and i'm
00:40:18
like i have no money
00:40:20
i'm like oh i'll pay for it i get you
00:40:22
know what i mean
00:40:23
yeah but look at you look at you now
00:40:24
look at you now yeah she's right look at
00:40:26
you now yeah so um it was a pleasant
00:40:28
experience yeah but it was kind of weird
00:40:30
because i thought paulie shore was like
00:40:32
a ladies man
00:40:34
and he didn't get laid once oh he's
00:40:36
getting old he said cause i'm woke and
00:40:38
he didn't want to get busted but i think
00:40:40
i got the old polly yeah
00:40:42
you got the shriveled up propolis
00:40:44
that looks like a turtle yeah frank and
00:40:46
i were already like we're like i bet
00:40:48
he's gonna get laid at this one and he
00:40:50
didn't he's like let's just go back wow
00:40:52
it's so sad and you and frank are both
00:40:54
of you are in a relationship yeah yeah
00:40:56
his wife was a little concerned because
00:40:58
we were sharing a room the whole time
00:41:00
but she was concerned because of his
00:41:01
snoring so she she was concerned for me
00:41:05
not that something would happen
00:41:06
or his smell yeah he doesn't smell good
00:41:09
frank castillo yeah
00:41:11
why it just smells like weed old weed oh
00:41:14
well he smells he smokes weed yeah yeah
00:41:16
you don't like the smell of wheat yeah
00:41:18
well that's a youth did he smell no
00:41:20
he was he was great yeah do you smoke
00:41:22
weed no not really did he smoke in the
00:41:25
room no no oh he had his pants and stuff
00:41:28
yeah he gotta hit that pen also like
00:41:30
she's
00:41:30
the way she's dressed you can tell she
00:41:32
gets just got off tour with them
00:41:35
just like that the scarf
00:41:36
oh yeah i guess he has rubbed off on me
00:41:38
a little bit
00:41:39
literally that's his t-shirt his face on
00:41:41
him yeah he signed it
00:41:44
is that his merch i got the whistler
00:41:50
hey i got something uh a little souvenir
00:41:52
for you guys okay cool oh my god this is
00:41:54
so amazing by the way doc's been on the
00:41:56
show
00:41:57
for a year never got one thing not one
00:41:59
thing
00:42:00
but he also doesn't leave l.a
00:42:02
yeah that's true or yeah
00:42:05
that's pretty good you could bring us
00:42:06
something from home from amazon
00:42:09
you know what andrew you know sometimes
00:42:10
i go on vacation yeah right and i just
00:42:12
sit in my hotel room because i don't
00:42:14
know what to do i know you usually don't
00:42:15
have anything to do but i gotta tell you
00:42:16
with viator it's gonna make it easy it's
00:42:18
amazing it's the world's leading travel
00:42:20
experience marketplace offering
00:42:22
everything from simple tours to extreme
00:42:25
adventures and all at the niche
00:42:27
interesting stuff in between see someone
00:42:29
will say niche some of them say niche
00:42:30
and that's a niche thing about us they
00:42:32
put the critical combination of um
00:42:34
extensive options ease of selection and
00:42:36
flexibility at your fingertips to ensure
00:42:37
your time on vacay is wonderfully spent
00:42:40
and viator is the place like i like when
00:42:43
i go on vacation i like simple stuff
00:42:45
yeah a guy like you you like extreme
00:42:47
adventures very extreme dude i want to
00:42:48
jump out of a plane yeah yeah with a
00:42:50
horse below me viator has over 300 000
00:42:54
bookable experiences to choose from in
00:42:56
over
00:42:57
and ninety countries that's so many
00:42:58
countries you know i don't even know how
00:42:59
many countries
00:43:01
that sounds like a lot yeah uh they have
00:43:03
over 300 000 bookable experiences to
00:43:05
choose from that's amazing they're the
00:43:06
world's leading travel experience
00:43:08
marketplace and that's why we love them
00:43:10
right now tell them how to get it
00:43:11
download the viator app now and use code
00:43:13
viator 10 for 10 off your first booking
00:43:17
in viator's world of wonderful
00:43:18
experiences via tour man one site over
00:43:20
300 000 experiences you'll remember
00:43:22
good
00:43:25
oh my god are these polly shirts
00:43:28
and they're signed they're signed oh my
00:43:30
god
00:43:31
this is bobby
00:43:33
oh this is so cool oh this is so fun
00:43:36
look at this
00:43:38
sentinel oh this is so [ __ ] cool so
00:43:41
cool and you know what we should frame
00:43:42
these and put them up on the pocket look
00:43:44
at the new ropes near the bathroom
00:43:49
yeah they [ __ ] hate it
00:43:52
well if you guys
00:43:55
if you guys want to keep on their 20 for
00:43:57
the shirts and 25 for the headshots
00:44:01
dude you are learning
00:44:03
you're really good yeah this is really
00:44:04
[ __ ] nice thank you paulie man
00:44:06
we
00:44:08
oh we would love to have him if he wants
00:44:09
to do it yeah tour was amazing though i
00:44:12
want to go back i loved it so what what
00:44:14
places you play um good nights um i met
00:44:16
this guy i love charlie love raleigh uh
00:44:18
raleigh is great hephron john heffer i
00:44:21
love him brian brian yeah wait what is
00:44:24
that donor right you're not a road dog i
00:44:25
guess is that the owner brian wait wait
00:44:27
wait john heffron is a comic yeah but
00:44:29
brian hephron is too right yeah if you
00:44:31
guys were road road dogs you know
00:44:35
yeah so that's a cool club uh good night
00:44:38
i've played it before good night so it's
00:44:39
great hephron runs all the comedy zones
00:44:42
oh right right right so you want
00:44:44
charlotte to that that one we went good
00:44:45
nights and then uh comedy zones and uh
00:44:49
greensboro
00:44:51
uh charlotte which was off charlotte was
00:44:54
this huge room and then a in greenville
00:44:57
the greensboro one was like applebee's
00:44:59
turned into a comedy club which one was
00:45:01
outside i saw you guys doing it like an
00:45:02
outsider that yeah that was silverados
00:45:04
that was like a music venue
00:45:06
wow did you do well there or was it hard
00:45:08
it was awesome every show you killed
00:45:11
yeah and i got i got way better like
00:45:14
as the weekend went up as it went yeah
00:45:15
it happens
00:45:23
and then eventually maybe when we do our
00:45:25
bad friends tour
00:45:28
when we do the theater tour yeah no she
00:45:30
can't come on the tour that's right of
00:45:31
course she can come on
00:45:33
yeah of course you can like magically
00:45:35
black magic has to be on the tour you
00:45:37
guys have never met no it never feels
00:45:39
like i've known you for years though
00:45:40
yeah everybody talking you evolving from
00:45:41
the store yes
00:45:43
look how different he is we worked a lot
00:45:52
i told you that's what you guys had in
00:45:53
common you both are young two black
00:45:55
young black people and you both worked a
00:45:57
lot
00:45:58
when you were coming we told her told
00:46:00
them that you were black
00:46:01
and you believe jet ski johnson was
00:46:03
black
00:46:05
can i tell you something a woman named
00:46:07
jessica johnson definitely is a black
00:46:08
lady yeah i love that you guys are
00:46:10
calling me jet ski because you through
00:46:11
one episode single-handedly changed my
00:46:14
name to juice well juicy is you you're
00:46:16
still juicy to us you'll always be juicy
00:46:17
in our hearts you know we could come up
00:46:19
with a different uh do you like that one
00:46:20
or should we change it it's just
00:46:22
hilarious because i've gained probably
00:46:23
over seven thousand
00:46:27
keep followers her from you guys and now
00:46:29
and on the road
00:46:31
i'll get on stage juicy no
00:46:34
no be real yes that's awesome it might
00:46:36
be you know three out of a hundred still
00:46:39
that's good yeah
00:46:42
so can you tell us did you do a joke
00:46:44
that did you do a new joke on the road
00:46:46
that bombed
00:46:47
did you have anything that you hate [ __ ]
00:46:48
on
00:46:49
i never i didn't really like eat [ __ ]
00:46:51
but i figured some [ __ ] out like some
00:46:53
premises that i started out early that
00:46:55
didn't really have an ending yeah and i
00:46:57
would and frank and i would as soon as
00:46:59
we were done we'd go back and we'd just
00:47:01
like work on wow
00:47:02
it was awesome yeah i'll miss those days
00:47:05
cause that's over for us did you bring a
00:47:06
trumpet no i like that bit yeah i saw i
00:47:10
used to do that and then i stopped
00:47:11
because i wanted to be like a real
00:47:13
stand-up because i thought having a
00:47:15
trumpet in my act was not real it
00:47:17
doesn't matter
00:47:18
but the trump because
00:47:20
let me just see if i get this bit right
00:47:22
right but you bring the trumpet right
00:47:23
and you go this is my rape whistle yeah
00:47:25
about like eight minutes yeah i hold it
00:47:28
for about i don't mention it for about
00:47:29
eight minutes
00:47:30
and then you go oh this is my trunk
00:47:31
right and then you play it right you go
00:47:33
right then you play a little tune yeah
00:47:36
and then how does the bit go like say
00:47:38
you're walking down a dark alley at
00:47:39
night and someone's following you and
00:47:41
you just burp
00:47:43
that's great
00:47:45
hear you hear you
00:47:50
it's a good bit but like where do you i
00:47:52
do some impressions
00:47:53
of like
00:47:56
louis armstrong and miles davis
00:48:00
yeah but like where do you go from there
00:48:03
anywhere you [ __ ] want to go that's
00:48:05
incredible and i hung out with your
00:48:06
boyfriend a little last night we had a
00:48:07
conversation did you tell you he told me
00:48:09
about it yeah and he tried to get me to
00:48:11
go to um he goes hey you want to do this
00:48:13
gig in mammoth
00:48:15
yeah i'm like okay let me hear it right
00:48:17
he's like yeah it's a couple receipts
00:48:19
but you know it'll go real well oh it's
00:48:21
actually good is that the brewery really
00:48:23
sarah mello used to do one there oh you
00:48:24
know about it well is it still it's at
00:48:26
the brewery there in town i think he's
00:48:28
since moved it to a
00:48:30
i don't i can't keep track of it it's
00:48:32
but it's grown a lot and it's good and
00:48:34
you had mentioned that you wanted to
00:48:35
play at
00:48:36
like s'more alt rooms yeah so i was
00:48:39
thinking because i want to help there i
00:48:41
want to help him yeah what do you do you
00:48:43
and i just as fun go out there i'll do
00:48:45
that 100
00:48:47
this do what it's like 200 seats or 300
00:48:49
200 something seats if it's the same
00:48:50
spot sarah mello you know mello i love
00:48:52
her she did she's her birthday today
00:48:54
is it really it's ceremony i send her a
00:48:56
video
00:48:57
she did a show up there that i was at
00:48:58
the little brewery that's there in town
00:49:00
in mammoth and it was [ __ ] oh yeah
00:49:02
yeah it was
00:49:03
do you remember this yeah it was a
00:49:04
short-lived amount of time but that's
00:49:05
like
00:49:06
it's fun oh can we uh show you some of
00:49:08
his theories earlier on
00:49:10
right and this is a real thing
00:49:12
he wasn't kidding
00:49:14
so
00:49:15
at all it was sincere and any argument
00:49:18
argued it to death right so basically
00:49:20
did you know
00:49:22
that
00:49:23
me and stephen hawking
00:49:26
have the same intelligent level same
00:49:31
do you believe that
00:49:33
oh that's the whole theory yeah that's
00:49:34
the theory of he was basically saying
00:49:36
that there's no difference between
00:49:38
intelligent levels
00:49:40
between me and stephen hawking and him
00:49:42
essentially essentially it's you you're
00:49:44
only as smart as the things that you
00:49:46
care about to be smart at that's kind of
00:49:47
like if we cared about like quantum
00:49:49
physics then we could be and black holes
00:49:51
that we would be immersed in that
00:49:52
information and we'd know as much as
00:49:54
stephen hawking
00:49:56
that's what you that's your theory yeah
00:49:58
yeah if you read like if you love it and
00:50:00
you put yourself into it then i gave him
00:50:02
an example of him
00:50:03
yeah because neal said uh
00:50:06
he wasn't good at math neo like the
00:50:08
major
00:50:08
oh neil yeah what did you think
00:50:18
so but he said that he just because he
00:50:21
loved science he pushed he he was able
00:50:23
to go and dive into a deep so that's the
00:50:25
thing that i was trying to
00:50:28
bestow upon them like hey man you if you
00:50:30
if you're in that field and you love it
00:50:32
you're gonna become intelligent in that
00:50:34
just like they just like they their
00:50:36
style of comedy there's an intelligence
00:50:38
behind that because nobody can do that
00:50:41
what we do is rare
00:50:44
so scientists are rare if you go into
00:50:46
science you're going to know how to so
00:50:47
theoretically theoretically if stephen
00:50:49
hawking wanted to do stand-up
00:50:51
and his heart was in the up he could do
00:50:53
be as good as us can i tell you
00:50:55
something that's what he wanted to do if
00:50:56
that's what he wanted to do
00:50:58
welcome
00:51:01
i'm glad to be here this guy knows what
00:51:03
i'm talking about
00:51:08
we used to do character shows in arizona
00:51:10
where you dress up as a character and
00:51:11
you stand up as that character and i
00:51:14
would go as nebula hawking who was
00:51:16
stephen hawking's niece
00:51:18
and i would write my set out on an ipad
00:51:20
and i'd had someone push me up to the
00:51:22
microphone and i'd hit play
00:51:25
and it would play the act that's that's
00:51:27
amazing would it do well yeah it would
00:51:30
kill you
00:51:31
it was like while my uncle spent his
00:51:33
life studying the stars i spend my life
00:51:35
trying to be a star
00:51:38
do you have a manager yes who rachel
00:51:40
williams levity oh that's cool
00:51:43
yeah jessica that's amazing agent
00:51:45
no oh asian asian you have asians yeah
00:51:48
do you have any
00:51:50
just one you need at least one in this
00:51:52
town yeah
00:51:53
yeah you know you have a goldy hot like
00:51:56
old school goldie hunt likeability
00:51:59
okay don't you think she does i i i
00:52:00
couldn't even comment about that
00:52:03
i don't know about goldie hawn's like a
00:52:04
bit i mean i mean back in the day she
00:52:06
was like when she went uh what was that
00:52:08
that she was the sergeant what was the
00:52:10
military one that she did
00:52:13
paulie said he's going to take me to
00:52:14
perform for their troops
00:52:17
have you guys ever done that oh private
00:52:18
benjamin yeah private benjamin right
00:52:20
there you are you i could see you as the
00:52:23
next private benjamin
00:52:24
take me there bobby like she's like just
00:52:26
kind of like
00:52:27
your fish out of water you know what i
00:52:29
mean i couldn't agree with you more yeah
00:52:30
yeah
00:52:31
honestly that is juicy right that's
00:52:33
juicy maybe we could call it in the army
00:52:35
now
00:52:37
part two part two part two part two let
00:52:39
me ask you some serious questions about
00:52:41
paulie are you a fan of his movies
00:52:44
yes now i hadn't seen like any of them
00:52:47
she never saw all right how old are you
00:52:48
20 32. oh you are yeah so you saw you
00:52:51
saw what you saw biodome i've seen them
00:52:54
all now yeah son-in-law son-in-law yeah
00:52:57
yeah i literally just watched them like
00:52:59
on the road just now just to catch up
00:53:00
yeah yeah cause he was like halfway
00:53:02
through the tour he's made a joke about
00:53:04
one of the movies and then looked at me
00:53:05
and he's like have you seen any of my
00:53:07
movies and i think he felt kind of sad
00:53:09
you know people don't really remember i
00:53:11
mean the dude [ __ ] jury duty encino
00:53:13
man
00:53:14
so many [ __ ] like so many huge movies
00:53:16
for the for those times where polly
00:53:18
shore is dead
00:53:19
i haven't seen that one
00:53:21
yeah he cut me out of that
00:53:23
oh he's mad at you by the way okay tell
00:53:25
me why because
00:53:27
he said that
00:53:28
he had this movie idea a long time ago
00:53:30
and now that you're like famous you
00:53:33
can't you won't produce it it's called
00:53:35
capture
00:53:39
go ahead bob you want to comment about
00:53:40
that
00:53:42
okay
00:53:44
can i tell you the movie idea yeah i
00:53:46
don't even know we'd love to hear it did
00:53:49
did you do it as you too
00:53:51
okay well that's how he said it to me oh
00:53:53
oh oh he's pitching it to me he was
00:53:55
pitching it to me oh go ahead go ahead
00:53:57
dude so
00:53:58
you're my neighbor right
00:54:00
right and you
00:54:01
you just got a college guy right
00:54:05
just normal guy right how long ago was
00:54:07
this pitch 15 years ago at least and he
00:54:09
goes d did
00:54:10
i capture you did and you're in a well
00:54:14
i go i'm in a well
00:54:16
you know like silence of the lands dude
00:54:18
yep right and i like feed you like mochi
00:54:21
balls
00:54:22
funny right and i go okay
00:54:24
what happens we become best friends
00:54:28
this is a great movie
00:54:29
i know
00:54:30
but at the time i'm like he feeds you
00:54:33
mochi balls and you become friends do
00:54:34
you put the mochi in the basket yeah i
00:54:36
don't know i mean that's as far as he
00:54:37
went i didn't maybe i should ask more
00:54:39
questions he puts the mochi and the best
00:54:43
yeah and he by the way
00:54:48
i don't know dude i think that's a good
00:54:49
movie you think so yeah why not but to
00:54:52
me at the time there was like no let me
00:54:53
put some other parameters around okay
00:54:55
okay
00:54:56
so creepy by the way
00:54:58
um
00:54:59
uh let me put some parameters here's
00:55:00
what here's like the time period you
00:55:02
have to shift to okay
00:55:04
what i think it is is like let's say
00:55:06
there's a fake war times that set up
00:55:09
and
00:55:09
he's there he's captured an asian
00:55:12
right
00:55:14
and so when you're saying this is a
00:55:15
period piece yes and you're trespassing
00:55:17
on his property
00:55:18
he's a guy
00:55:19
i got it right now yeah he's a guy
00:55:22
because he has that like
00:55:24
surf revive see he's in hawaii during
00:55:26
pearl harbor that's right right dude
00:55:29
you're right
00:55:30
look at all the planes dude and incoming
00:55:32
they're
00:55:34
can you play japanese right
00:55:37
perfect right yeah well you play paulie
00:55:39
and then i'm yeah you're right
00:55:41
so are they bombing us dude yeah
00:55:44
i'm like
00:55:48
your plane crashes on his property but
00:55:50
you live well i'm the worst of them yeah
00:55:52
you're the worst comic book my eyes are
00:55:54
not good what if your vision you're
00:55:56
slanty but also
00:55:58
i don't have good vision you have bad
00:55:59
vision right and i'm kind of little you
00:56:02
know what i mean what's up a little off
00:56:04
upstairs yeah a little off so you crash
00:56:05
on his property after a minute
00:56:09
right and i go land i crash into his
00:56:11
house dude you crashed into my jello pit
00:56:13
oh you're not
00:56:15
you know emperor hirohito is a sun god
00:56:18
oh bro are you trying to hurt america
00:56:21
yeah
00:56:22
oh i've got to lock you up so you become
00:56:25
a prisoner of the world right okay
00:56:27
i get it i like it and through
00:56:29
connections
00:56:30
you slowly bond this beautiful loving
00:56:32
friendship right do you have more of the
00:56:34
mochi boy
00:56:36
you like the most yeah yeah you know i
00:56:38
want the more multi-board one more idea
00:56:41
thank you and what happens is hey hey
00:56:44
that's not a mochi ball that's my sack
00:56:46
that's my sack bag
00:56:48
yeah he tricks me right right right but
00:56:51
it's still good
00:56:53
so now you're sucking on his mochi balls
00:56:56
and then later at night you share
00:56:58
stories about your past and his past and
00:57:00
you find out
00:57:02
you have much more in common than you
00:57:03
ever dreamed oh what is it
00:57:07
that you're both outcast losers and both
00:57:09
in your families never accepted you for
00:57:10
who you really were you tell me story i
00:57:12
see i relate
00:57:14
okay okay here we go when i was a kid
00:57:18
well real quick quick lick of mochi bar
00:57:20
please oh here
00:57:22
we go thank you continue
00:57:25
when i was a little boy dude fatty
00:57:30
my family didn't like the way i was so i
00:57:33
played by myself in the neighborhood and
00:57:35
one time
00:57:37
i was molested by a mentally handicapped
00:57:39
person
00:57:40
oh
00:57:41
me too
00:57:43
why
00:57:44
oh yeah buddy
00:57:46
he was number one rice maker
00:57:51
okay i don't know if i can relate to
00:57:52
that part no but i'm going to tell you
00:57:54
oh he has a part okay but he does not
00:57:57
think i'll go right make myself oh
00:58:01
he put me down like you right right
00:58:04
right yes and that one
00:58:05
[Music]
00:58:07
and then my dad would hit me with golf
00:58:09
dude but he hit me with his uh your
00:58:12
seminars
00:58:14
same thing
00:58:16
yeah look at this this is the tale of
00:58:17
two friends yeah i really like this a
00:58:20
pearl harbor kamikaze pilot gone wrong
00:58:22
what
00:58:25
i think doctors realized how brilliant
00:58:27
that was and that is the same level of
00:58:29
genius as stephen hawking is so bad
00:58:33
go piss yeah thank you doc thank you
00:58:36
talk do you need help to get there do
00:58:38
you know where
00:58:39
okay good thank you doc thank you doc
00:58:41
that pinot is
00:58:42
it's
00:58:44
it's next level pinot i'll tell you he's
00:58:46
on the pinot he's yeah
00:58:48
what do you think of our new captured
00:58:50
movie yeah i think it's brilliant i
00:58:51
think that doc's right you guys have the
00:58:54
same level of genius as stephen hawking
00:58:57
maybe we do yeah maybe so you'll produce
00:59:00
it
00:59:01
no
00:59:02
he's gonna
00:59:05
we pitch it to paul right but you know
00:59:08
um i'll produce it
00:59:10
i i think here's my problem with it
00:59:12
right i think that you know the movie's
00:59:15
fine it's just what happens in between
00:59:18
the movie when we're shooting i'm a
00:59:20
little afraid of he's different now i'm
00:59:22
telling you like he pinches my nipples
00:59:24
really hard well you know what i mean
00:59:26
you got pinchable nipples i do he didn't
00:59:28
do that to me once you're a girl he also
00:59:31
lays on you but he did lay on you right
00:59:32
yeah but he was showing me what he did
00:59:34
to you oh god that's a good way around
00:59:36
in the past
00:59:44
i never laid on any of my features
00:59:48
there's never a thing
00:59:49
really
00:59:50
it was more like he sat on me i've never
00:59:52
sat on any of my feet did you guys do a
00:59:53
tour bus or no no we did rental car oh
00:59:57
cool it's a great experience god it was
00:59:58
so fun you guys have just been doing
01:00:01
this for a long time then yeah it's a
01:00:03
little different when you're headlining
01:00:05
though yeah it's it's not as fun well
01:00:07
the responsibility level is much higher
01:00:08
featuring i've always said is
01:00:10
[ __ ] such a sweet spot it's such a
01:00:12
sweet it's not going to last forever you
01:00:13
obviously want to ascend and have your
01:00:15
own thing but it's
01:00:17
it's so fun man the pressure it's almost
01:00:19
non-existent you you worry about numbers
01:00:22
you start worrying about like everything
01:00:24
selling tickets selling worry about
01:00:25
selling tickets and filling seats and it
01:00:27
becomes a whole thing how much money you
01:00:28
can make because you can make enough to
01:00:29
take other people on the road and
01:00:31
that that analytics of all of it it
01:00:33
stinks but when you're in your spot yeah
01:00:36
[ __ ] it forget don't even think about
01:00:37
your prime time have the most fun you've
01:00:39
ever had this is the best time of my
01:00:40
life deserve it man it really is the
01:00:42
best it's the best time of my life like
01:00:44
i i i look back and i'm glad i
01:00:47
have been grinding and all that stuff
01:00:49
and blah blah blah
01:00:50
but yeah this is awesome and then i
01:00:53
literally just got off the plane from
01:00:54
the tour and walked right into the
01:00:56
studio here with you guys like it's a
01:00:57
dream how [ __ ] party is that that's
01:00:59
amazing that's [ __ ] really [ __ ]
01:01:01
that's amazing
01:01:02
and we're gonna go on tour together we
01:01:04
are we are we're going to mexico yeah
01:01:07
we just have you have to kick someone
01:01:08
out so you're taking someone's seat it's
01:01:10
one of those two guys in the window so i
01:01:11
think you can guess what you want
01:01:13
what she said that she wants to kick
01:01:15
george out after last episode yeah
01:01:17
george is absolutely not coming on tour
01:01:18
with us i'd rather kill myself and have
01:01:20
that guy in the [ __ ] bus are you
01:01:21
kidding me you okay yeah i was holding
01:01:23
this [ __ ] for about an hour i said god
01:01:25
damn how often do you pee do you pee a
01:01:27
lot no
01:01:28
once a day i'll pee about
01:01:31
about maybe four or five times a day how
01:01:33
many times do you pee a day i've never
01:01:35
counted
01:01:36
how many times do you pee a day
01:01:42
three or four times
01:01:43
i feel like i'd be way more than that
01:01:45
three times for me that's eight four
01:01:46
times yeah i piss right in the morning
01:01:49
then i piss after i've had my coffee
01:01:51
[ __ ] breakfast combo
01:01:53
and then i probably don't piss again
01:01:54
until the after like i'm about to piss
01:01:55
in about an hour from now you don't
01:01:57
drink a lot of water i drink a [ __ ] load
01:01:58
i try to drive yeah i do but it stays in
01:02:01
there the worst though is when you're
01:02:02
big sleeping the boy's got a big block
01:02:08
dude my dick's been getting so how'd you
01:02:09
know because
01:02:11
you know that that's a reaction to make
01:02:12
sure you don't piss yourself is that
01:02:13
really yes yeah my dick gets hard all
01:02:15
the time now at night at night yeah yeah
01:02:17
that's also your libido checking in
01:02:19
being like hey i'd like to come
01:02:20
sometimes is that what it is yeah yeah
01:02:22
sending a signal from your brain but
01:02:24
also at night you will get a hard on
01:02:25
you'll get an erection your [ __ ] will
01:02:26
fill with blood so make sure that you
01:02:28
pinch it now well you don't do that you
01:02:29
don't have to do that yeah i pinch it
01:02:30
hard you don't have to do that to go go
01:02:32
down go down you don't have to do that
01:02:34
yeah you don't have to hurt it you can
01:02:35
just talk to it yeah but i ca it doesn't
01:02:37
go down if i don't pitch it you can
01:02:38
think about to watch something awful and
01:02:40
gruesome does it i have to hurt it
01:02:42
is that funny that our dicks can fill
01:02:43
with blood to stop us from urinating in
01:02:44
the middle of night but like you can't
01:02:46
there's nothing that happens to you no i
01:02:47
just bleed through my vagina
01:02:52
that's pretty cool i don't think that
01:02:53
has anything to do with you having a
01:02:54
piss but yeah
01:02:55
does it affect your mood like like some
01:02:57
girls it affects them does it affect
01:02:59
your mood welcome back
01:03:04
hell yeah
01:03:05
i get really sad like a week before
01:03:08
i always forget because it's
01:03:09
pre-menstrual pms i it took me like a
01:03:13
billion years to learn that did you have
01:03:14
an embarrassing period store when you
01:03:15
first got your period because i know a
01:03:17
lot of girlfriends of mine had like a
01:03:19
yeah like they always had a shitty first
01:03:20
time story because they didn't know or
01:03:22
their mom didn't tell them or they had
01:03:24
like a very vague conversation about it
01:03:26
my mom
01:03:27
like told me about it and was so cool
01:03:29
and got me like you know a variety of
01:03:32
supplies
01:03:33
and i it was just confusing and i told
01:03:36
her afterwards i was like i'm just glad
01:03:38
it's done yeah and she said
01:03:41
you know this is gonna happen every
01:03:42
month right forever and i was like
01:03:45
what
01:03:46
i thought it was a one and done like you
01:03:48
get it and then that the reality of the
01:03:51
world set in on me
01:03:53
but it was hard to get a hold of it i
01:03:55
remember being in class and like oh i
01:03:58
guess it started and getting up there's
01:03:59
just blood on my seat wow and i just got
01:04:01
to shuffle out of there because i've
01:04:02
heard that story a few times yeah yeah
01:04:04
in junior high i might have just blood
01:04:06
came out of your dick once a month what
01:04:08
do you mean imagine yeah
01:04:17
yeah it's an extra thing to think about
01:04:19
imagine if it came for guys if it just
01:04:21
came out of your mouth if you just were
01:04:22
talking yeah
01:04:23
all right if you just started bleeding
01:04:24
if you're like yeah we're going to go to
01:04:25
blind
01:04:27
there's blood boring you're like i'm so
01:04:29
tired
01:04:31
and you have to see cotton in your mouth
01:04:34
yeah yeah it's [ __ ] awful yeah but
01:04:37
sometimes i kind of like it because like
01:04:38
oh like the pain i i think i kind of
01:04:42
have a high tolerance for pain and so
01:04:44
like i'll start to kind of hallucinate a
01:04:46
little bit whoa but not in like a
01:04:48
dangerous way like i don't think it's
01:04:50
like a
01:04:51
whoa but you know when you're in pain
01:04:52
sometimes and yeah but you mean like
01:04:54
from the blood loss
01:04:56
i i know like the cramps oh oh the pain
01:04:58
the physical pain the physical the
01:04:59
physical pain
01:05:00
and you don't take anything you don't
01:05:01
take advil or [ __ ]
01:05:04
no i take this stuff that my stepmom
01:05:06
she's like neopathic so she'll she sends
01:05:09
me some stuff like like a essential oil
01:05:11
well tell the girl fans what it is
01:05:13
there's some there's a lot of chick fans
01:05:14
out here that want to know we'll put a
01:05:15
link i don't know what it's called but
01:05:16
fancy i'll get you the link fancy get
01:05:18
that [ __ ] for the period
01:05:21
i was listening because it is a [ __ ]
01:05:22
nightmare yeah let's get some bad
01:05:23
friends i don't want to overstep i know
01:05:25
i just you're here baby
01:05:28
i was listening with this american life
01:05:29
and there was a story of a girl who met
01:05:31
this guy
01:05:32
and she really liked they were an acting
01:05:34
class or whatever and in new york and
01:05:36
they hook up one night and then she was
01:05:38
on her period and she goes i don't wanna
01:05:40
you know i'm i mean it's that time of
01:05:41
month he's like i don't care but like
01:05:44
four in the morning she looked at all
01:05:45
the sheets and they're all bloody right
01:05:47
so she stole his sheets
01:05:49
and put it in her bag
01:05:50
and she left like and she was walking
01:05:52
down and she had to go through some sort
01:05:54
of security check or something and the
01:05:56
cops saw the bloody sheets so they
01:05:57
thought she murdered somebody so then
01:05:59
she had to go back to the [ __ ]
01:06:00
apartment and the cops had a knock on
01:06:02
this guy's door and to see if he was
01:06:04
alive right and then she had to go yeah
01:06:06
i stole your sheets how embarrassing is
01:06:07
that how crazy of a story if he went if
01:06:09
she went back to the apartment he was
01:06:10
dead
01:06:11
that's that's a good
01:06:13
show yeah that's the start of a good
01:06:15
[ __ ] series yeah yeah the coincidence
01:06:17
of it right but he's but he's dead but
01:06:19
it's with a handgun to his head and
01:06:22
they're like this couldn't be blood from
01:06:23
that that would be impossible yeah this
01:06:25
is not that the blood's on the wall it's
01:06:26
that way how do the how do the sheets
01:06:28
have all this blood but then they test
01:06:30
the dna on the sheets and it's not even
01:06:31
her blood
01:06:35
it's not even her blood it's someone
01:06:36
else's but it's not even his blood
01:06:39
it's not his blood either where on the
01:06:40
wall from his head yeah
01:06:42
yeah
01:06:44
it's a blood from this wall right yeah
01:06:46
well i'm a chimp it's from a chimp yeah
01:06:48
a chimp blood whoa a chimps period blood
01:06:53
chips period blood make this move
01:06:57
and that's why if you're a female killer
01:06:59
you always kill while you're
01:07:00
menstruating that's right
01:07:02
if you're gonna stab someone ladies
01:07:03
that's the moral of the story make sure
01:07:05
you're bleeding
01:07:06
yeah make sure it's just spraying
01:07:08
everywhere you're stabbing and spraying
01:07:11
get a little [ __ ] funnel to spray it
01:07:12
on him when you're chilling oh sorry
01:07:14
officer i was on my period
01:07:18
the twin the twist is the office there's
01:07:20
a chimp
01:07:21
oh yeah it's a chimney got one of the
01:07:24
cops the chips
01:07:26
you're knocking the door and you answer
01:07:27
the door it's a chimp and he's got two
01:07:28
knives he's like
01:07:30
yeah and he starts stabbing you
01:07:33
then you're like what are you doing
01:07:34
you're a cop he's like
01:07:35
yeah yeah whoa crazy world what a crazy
01:07:38
world what a great you want to direct it
01:07:40
i want to be in it oh what do you want
01:07:42
to play i'll direct it you saw how good
01:07:43
of an actress she was when we did acting
01:07:45
scenes in the room here oh that was
01:07:46
amazing
01:07:47
really good stuff
01:07:49
yeah doc would
01:07:50
would you mind directing it yeah yeah
01:07:52
okay
01:07:54
because we don't have anybody in our
01:07:55
crew that directs anything do we yeah
01:07:57
i want to do a movie with them and do
01:07:59
the loving story what's that sorry that
01:08:01
story about the two you know remember is
01:08:03
it that they're called the loving i mean
01:08:06
they were the um the first people the
01:08:08
black and white couple right and then
01:08:09
they it was against the law
01:08:11
and then they did that oh what are the
01:08:13
last names um find out the last names
01:08:17
the first interracial couple i know what
01:08:18
you're talking about yeah the first
01:08:19
interracial couple but we're not the
01:08:21
first of all we do a comedy spin on them
01:08:23
though um
01:08:25
it was the first interracial couple uh
01:08:28
like in a
01:08:29
first generation
01:08:30
interracial marriage
01:08:32
loving day june 12th is loving day yeah
01:08:34
interracial marriage uh finally became
01:08:36
legal in the united states june january
01:08:38
26 1965 this photo shows mildred is
01:08:40
about wild that they were gonna didn't
01:08:42
they go to prison for it or something
01:08:44
because they were well no no they were
01:08:46
they were
01:08:47
this caused
01:08:49
this to become a law that it's legal for
01:08:52
interracial but in 1965 you couldn't do
01:08:54
it
01:08:55
prior to that insane yeah yeah no it's
01:08:57
[ __ ]
01:08:58
jackie roberson was getting it in though
01:09:02
just let that sit
01:09:04
i wasn't
01:09:06
let it sit because i don't know what the
01:09:08
[ __ ] you mean i know what he means
01:09:10
yeah explain it to explain he was
01:09:12
smashing white women back in history he
01:09:14
was [ __ ] these white houses yeah he
01:09:15
was getting it he was out in these
01:09:16
streets okay it depends on who you are
01:09:18
you can [ __ ] out there in the streets
01:09:19
back when you could [ __ ] but you
01:09:21
couldn't get married that was what you
01:09:22
all thought was yeah i'm sure sydney
01:09:24
pointy [ __ ] white girls too that's my
01:09:25
point they would
01:09:26
he they they had to hide it he actually
01:09:28
liked asian women sydney pottier did he
01:09:30
really big time loved asian girls
01:09:33
was not a big fan of of uh of white
01:09:35
women oh wow i have a story that
01:09:37
somebody told me that's a lie
01:09:39
i have a story that somebody told me and
01:09:41
i i feel so guilty because it's hearsay
01:09:44
yeah but we gotta hear it
01:09:50
a huge fan of this woman that i'm about
01:09:52
to talk about so i don't want to hurt
01:09:53
her feelings oh go ahead okay i'm going
01:09:55
to do it all right
01:09:56
so back in the day 90s i used to do
01:09:58
shows with this guy named dave tyree
01:10:01
don't remember that person okay he was a
01:10:02
old black comic oh yeah dave you know
01:10:04
dave tyree right he used to do a bit
01:10:06
about um oh yeah that's dave tyree
01:10:10
right that's just
01:10:11
paulie by the way yeah yeah
01:10:13
and he was a funny guy right
01:10:15
yeah um sure
01:10:17
i don't know he really was yeah okay for
01:10:19
the time i wasn't there yeah and tyree
01:10:21
was like let me tell you a story
01:10:23
and i go where's he from i don't know
01:10:25
detroit okay
01:10:27
why it's just a little accent i heard a
01:10:29
little actually was it asian yeah right
01:10:31
yeah
01:10:32
let me tell you a story every time you
01:10:33
got an accent you go let me tell you a
01:10:34
story i don't know
01:10:37
i don't know where it is
01:10:38
is that what you heard guys is that what
01:10:40
you heard absolutely let me tell you let
01:10:42
me tell you a story let me tell you a
01:10:43
story is that fine sure let me just keep
01:10:46
doing it yeah yeah yeah i go i don't
01:10:48
want your story right now
01:10:50
i'm gonna tell you a story okay fine no
01:10:51
it was different than the first time
01:10:52
thank you yeah so anyway he goes back in
01:10:54
the day when i moved to la right i met
01:10:57
richard pryor
01:10:59
i'm like cool is that it no
01:11:01
he invites me to a party
01:11:03
right
01:11:04
and
01:11:05
cocaine
01:11:07
everything's
01:11:08
happening i mean people having sex in
01:11:10
the living room right it was wild he
01:11:12
said right drunk and then
01:11:16
[ __ ] pryor comes up to him and goes
01:11:18
you like asian [ __ ]
01:11:20
and dave tyree goes i guess yeah it's
01:11:22
alright you know what i mean come here
01:11:23
come here he goes in a room there was an
01:11:27
asian lady laying on her back she was
01:11:28
completely naked
01:11:30
she wasn't passed out she was loose you
01:11:32
know
01:11:32
he goes go ahead right are these guys
01:11:34
dead by the way david tyree dead no he's
01:11:36
still alive okay
01:11:39
we'll find out where the story goes
01:11:41
but the girl was a naked asian it was
01:11:43
connie chung
01:11:45
shut the [ __ ] up whoa
01:11:47
connie chung and she was just letting
01:11:49
everyone have i don't know that's what
01:11:51
he told me
01:11:52
and i didn't sleep for a week man
01:11:54
comedy's just not like that anymore
01:11:57
i know you you're never at a party and
01:11:59
you wanted some did you go and it's
01:12:00
anderson cooper completely naked
01:12:02
i have been to that party yeah actually
01:12:04
yeah i have been to that point and i
01:12:05
don't even think that's true there's no
01:12:07
way that story's true why why would it
01:12:08
not be
01:12:10
because she's a newscaster and she you
01:12:11
know they don't like dick
01:12:13
yeah what was that nancy pelosi she was
01:12:15
getting it on right getting [ __ ] sm
01:12:18
by who like it wasn't she blowing
01:12:20
everybody blowing everybody dude wait
01:12:22
wait wait nancy pelosi was blowing who
01:12:23
the insurrectionist what happened
01:12:30
nancy pelosi is that the story maybe i
01:12:33
got the wrong person yeah i don't know
01:12:39
was she was she with jfk
01:12:43
are you thinking she was blowing him
01:12:44
that's what made his head explode
01:12:49
how did jackie not see
01:12:51
pelosi sucking off kennedy in that car
01:12:54
that's the conspiracy
01:12:56
so she was the second shooter yeah
01:12:59
yeah i could have sworn there was this
01:13:01
big story going around that when she was
01:13:03
younger she gave everybody hand chops
01:13:05
that's that's cool that's cool
01:13:08
i like that one is cool i like that
01:13:10
that's a cool thing to do yeah so you
01:13:12
know they get around
01:13:14
well i love how i love how p types and
01:13:16
nancy pelosi hand job
01:13:17
when they when they seize that laptop
01:13:19
from the fence
01:13:23
where that guy went to remember the
01:13:24
insurrection
01:13:26
and he was sitting like this on nancy
01:13:28
pelosi's office maybe he was looking for
01:13:30
a hand job oh waiting patience yeah like
01:13:32
i heard about this girl maybe that's
01:13:34
what he was saying some it's probably
01:13:35
some other white lady in politics and
01:13:38
all the fans are gonna say it on the
01:13:40
comments who do we think it could be
01:13:42
yeah i don't think you can hear the
01:13:44
connie chunk thing i feel bad about
01:13:45
saying it it's just a story that you
01:13:47
heard from somebody that says it's not a
01:13:48
real story times we're different times
01:13:50
we're different 70s 70s 70s yeah yeah
01:13:53
you're right
01:13:54
70s yeah
01:13:55
i just don't want more pokemon have you
01:13:56
ever been i want maury povich to come
01:13:58
after me here i mean he's in a
01:14:00
wheelchair maybe
01:14:02
have you ever been to a hollywood party
01:14:03
where was like filled with sex and drugs
01:14:04
like that
01:14:05
one i've been to one as well really yeah
01:14:08
yeah one time it must have been a long
01:14:10
time ago yeah long stops canceled was it
01:14:12
in the hills no what was it so um
01:14:15
so
01:14:16
i did this naka conference
01:14:19
[ __ ] do you know what naca is oh that's
01:14:20
so funny that was our journey
01:14:22
naca was the the national association of
01:14:24
college yes it's something it was for to
01:14:27
do college shows
01:14:28
yeah and they stopped booking me because
01:14:30
you know basically you go and they have
01:14:31
all these colleges in the region and
01:14:33
they come and they always said to me you
01:14:36
have to be squeaky clean and i never did
01:14:37
you had to be so every time i would
01:14:39
perform half the room would walk out
01:14:41
yeah
01:14:42
they just would walk out and i could see
01:14:44
my um college age agent just go
01:14:47
in the back like
01:14:49
because back then he just showed his
01:14:50
[ __ ] pews when you were young
01:14:52
back then
01:14:53
you couldn't make any money doing clubs
01:14:55
because you weren't a headliner yet you
01:14:56
couldn't get eight rooms but you could
01:14:57
get paid big money to do college college
01:15:00
schwartz and those guys did i mean
01:15:01
they'd clean up but i did not book a lot
01:15:05
but there was one girl who was religious
01:15:08
but she thought i was attractive right
01:15:10
so i exchanged numbers and i go you know
01:15:12
what i want to do
01:15:13
i'm gonna i'm going to vegas
01:15:16
and i'm because at the time dave navarro
01:15:19
i knew dave navarro
01:15:20
dave navarro the rockstar
01:15:24
and so i bring this religious girl to
01:15:27
his bachelor party
01:15:28
what yeah
01:15:30
right and it's in vegas i forgot what
01:15:32
hotel is bringing a girl but i remember
01:15:34
going to the floor of the hotel and
01:15:36
everything's pitch black with these
01:15:38
candles and there was like blood on the
01:15:40
wall it was like [ __ ] crazy
01:15:42
right and you hear like bats
01:15:45
like you know what i mean
01:15:46
and she's like i can feel it she's i'm
01:15:48
holding her hands and she's shaking
01:15:50
right
01:15:50
and i go i don't know what's going on
01:15:52
here you know what i mean
01:15:53
just we open this door
01:15:55
and there's this table with two women
01:15:58
and they have two dildos
01:16:00
right and they're [ __ ] each other on
01:16:02
this thing right and other men are on
01:16:04
their jerking off
01:16:06
right
01:16:07
and i'm trying to act cool like this is
01:16:09
a part of my life this is normal
01:16:12
right i'm just kind of
01:16:13
you know what i mean and i just remember
01:16:16
it being the scariest place
01:16:18
i've ever been did you do anything
01:16:20
though i made love to her in the hotel
01:16:22
room you did yeah sweet love no no
01:16:27
yeah
01:16:28
though
01:16:35
kind of like sexual experience but i
01:16:37
just remember that was like my first
01:16:38
there was like you know it was weird
01:16:41
and you know what's normal christian sex
01:16:43
like
01:16:44
what i do well i'll tell you what i do
01:16:46
right i take the sheet i take scissors
01:16:48
and i put a little hole in it for your
01:16:50
mouth right you say grace first yeah and
01:16:53
i lay her on her back god please bless
01:16:55
this food that i'm about to receive
01:16:57
i lay the whole sheet over her body
01:16:59
right so you can't see each other so i
01:17:01
can't see each other and i see the
01:17:02
little opening right
01:17:03
and i [ __ ] in the belly button
01:17:07
no i do missionary and maybe a couple of
01:17:09
extra side moves
01:17:11
i went to a celebrity's house a long
01:17:13
time ago that i didn't belong at
01:17:16
and it wasn't like anything absurd
01:17:18
people were doing drugs for sure
01:17:20
but i walked in on somebody [ __ ]
01:17:23
in a room and i was like oh [ __ ]
01:17:25
and i and they both looked at me and
01:17:27
they were like what's wrong it's okay
01:17:30
and then i thought
01:17:32
should i stay
01:17:34
because they both are very casual about
01:17:36
it it wasn't like get the [ __ ] out they
01:17:38
were [ __ ] and i was like oh [ __ ] and
01:17:39
they were like let's go it's cool it's
01:17:40
cool it's totally cool and i was just
01:17:42
like sorry and i just left real slow
01:17:47
because i wanted to give them a chance
01:17:48
to be like get over here
01:17:50
do you know but i was like both of these
01:17:52
guys were just too big you know i didn't
01:17:54
want to i have one more i always talk
01:17:56
about the asian sex did you miss the
01:17:58
whole gay part of that
01:18:00
i i got it thank you yeah
01:18:02
it wasn't 2000 i heard it i just wasn't
01:18:05
alarmed by it yes you should you
01:18:07
shouldn't be i wasn't alone either and
01:18:08
you shouldn't be juice yeah and you
01:18:10
shouldn't be
01:18:11
did i tell you about the asian sex party
01:18:13
no no it was right by the comedy store
01:18:16
okay the andes it used to be what was
01:18:18
the hilton
01:18:19
yeah
01:18:20
so you know how you know i love to go to
01:18:21
carnegie
01:18:23
the highest
01:18:24
you know i like to go to cars and get
01:18:25
those gigantic um chocolate hot dogs do
01:18:27
we
01:18:28
right do you remember i used to do that
01:18:30
yeah yeah yeah so they're the the
01:18:31
corners they have these gigantic
01:18:33
chocolate um
01:18:34
bananas i mean right and i used to go to
01:18:37
doc and i used to suck on the thing
01:18:42
yeah that's how i do it right but i used
01:18:44
to get those chocolate things and i was
01:18:45
walking with this chocolate it was like
01:18:46
maybe 12 30 at night right
01:18:49
and there was
01:18:51
200
01:18:52
asian young people all dressed in white
01:18:55
standing outside of the [ __ ]
01:18:58
this hi the hyatt what do you guys think
01:19:01
we're from san francisco we do this like
01:19:03
yearly thing in l.a it's a sex club
01:19:06
oh yeah right and i go oh good good and
01:19:09
they go um come up
01:19:11
i go okay
01:19:14
what
01:19:14
no no i know the story
01:19:16
david told us on this podcast before
01:19:18
well then i want to [ __ ] do that
01:19:20
that's fine tell jews me too because i
01:19:22
don't even know yeah tell them they
01:19:23
haven't heard it okay so they had rented
01:19:25
out this whole floor right and you know
01:19:27
how sometimes hotel rooms have other
01:19:29
doors or just an entrance to the other
01:19:32
hotel room
01:19:34
so all those doors are open all the
01:19:36
doors are open you know i mean on this
01:19:38
[ __ ] thing it was just like you could
01:19:40
just walk into a room yeah right so i'm
01:19:42
walking oh there's two guys i walk into
01:19:44
the room and there's these two girls on
01:19:46
the bed completely naked
01:19:48
i don't know i still have half of the
01:19:49
hot dog
01:19:51
i gotta finish
01:19:52
that before so i just sit there at these
01:19:54
jeans i'm just sitting there just eating
01:19:56
the hot dog
01:19:57
i see them both get up from the [ __ ]
01:19:58
bed and come toward me
01:20:01
one girl starts kissing my
01:20:03
neck
01:20:04
and the other girl starts you know
01:20:06
touching my pee pee toki right and
01:20:08
toki's like thank you thank you thank
01:20:10
you thank you thank you
01:20:12
but i knew at that moment that i was
01:20:13
about to cheat on sarah
01:20:15
and i just something just came over and
01:20:17
i just pushed them aside right and i ran
01:20:21
out still the chocolate hot dog i'm
01:20:23
running out right
01:20:24
i finished it at the store the chocolate
01:20:26
thing yeah
01:20:27
yeah but uh clean from your guilt can i
01:20:30
tell you the funniest part to me about
01:20:32
that
01:20:33
so far is that you they invited you to
01:20:35
the sex party you went up to the rooms
01:20:37
watched the naked girls they came over
01:20:39
to you start kissing you and then you
01:20:41
said
01:20:42
i'm not going to cheat him yeah this is
01:20:44
too far
01:20:45
i wouldn't know what do you mean explain
01:20:47
no no i like this i like this stop hold
01:20:50
back hold back
01:20:51
like if there was some wild sex party
01:20:53
and they invited me i'd be like oh no
01:20:54
i'm in a monogamous relationship yeah
01:20:56
because
01:20:57
hilarious oh she's coming from a woman's
01:20:59
perspective yeah but you're not but
01:21:01
you're not an asian tv star
01:21:03
i'm not an asian tv star i don't want my
01:21:05
let my face thanks for reminding me
01:21:08
number one not even a woman's
01:21:09
perspective it's just a loyal
01:21:11
perspective
01:21:12
shut the [ __ ] up
01:21:18
so what you're saying to me is this you
01:21:20
had so many chances to leave
01:21:24
but
01:21:25
no i want to ask he is showing up to
01:21:28
that and being on the side about
01:21:30
cheating no no to walk into a hotel room
01:21:32
where people are partying knowing it's a
01:21:34
sex party is that cheating to you no
01:21:37
like if you found out that your
01:21:38
boyfriend did that would you be upset
01:21:40
yeah
01:21:42
you'll be upset just on that alone yeah
01:21:45
i'd say we should redefine things
01:21:46
because i've been turning down all these
01:21:48
sex parties
01:21:49
i keep getting invited to all these [ __ ]
01:21:51
parties
01:21:53
yeah it's more of like an equality thing
01:21:55
all right okay okay you want things to
01:21:56
be equal don't you yeah uh but let's
01:21:58
let's have juice uh say goodbye in her
01:22:00
traditional uh paulie shore sign off uh
01:22:03
to take us out
01:22:05
what's up bad friends
01:22:07
thank you
01:22:11
yes what a good episode
01:22:15
[Music]
