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hey what's up bad friends the tito cheetos here i just wanted to give you guys a little update about our boy bob
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uh he's getting a little bit of good help he's feeling good we're talking every day and uh we want to thank you for sticking
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along and being a bad friend with us during a transitional time in our lives and uh
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we love you we miss you and bob's gonna come back very soon uh and he's feeling good and he's doing
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good and i'm out by a lake look at this look at this lake dude uh but uh just
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want to give you guys an update um he's uh working out some stuff but bobby's doing good and he sends his love and he
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misses all of his bad friends and he will be back soon and thank you for supporting us in the meantime um also
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i'm out uh in upstate new york cause i'm on the road come see me andrew santino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com this weekend i'm in
00:00:48
seattle and portland and then i do vegas and then we get into
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canada they're gonna let us back in so go to andrewsantino.com come see me this weekend seattle and portland andrew santino.com thank you guys for being a
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bad friend you two are bad friends who are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude
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you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
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t-pain has a podcast now yeah i know i saw it's actually pop super popular isn't it should we try to get on it
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okay yeah of course i would love to i would love to go on t-pain's pod what's it called um what's t payne's podcast
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nappy boy nappy boy radio are you being serious yeah now okay i thought that you thought no
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i was like yeah we were on the podcast kid we're not at the diner nappy boy radio with t-pain but his his record
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company's called nappy boy nappy boy okay cause i thought if you were just throwing that one out there what about what am i uh what's that guy that old
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that old guy uh don diamond yeah and he got what he was like bunch
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of nappy headed hoes that guy was nuts if you you guys remember that
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let's not go quoting things that got people cancelled here yes well you can quote what he said he's dead now donna
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he's dead now r.i.p dude what a guy he died from that from saying that yeah
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yeah you can't say that shock jock off nappy hands fame yes
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i can't say it it's the news article name that's how you're known as the nappy-headed hose guy that nazi started
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making merch and happy-headed hoes just shirts him today he would sell a ton of it oh my god
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yeah daley wire would start slinging it ben shapiro and the reason that we wear the nebby headed host sweater is because
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obviously it's promoting what we believe in it's a joke and it's a joke and the democrats are gonna get it because they don't believe in jokes
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all that dude does his talk as fast as he can it's so funny i don't believe in anything he's saying he just keeps rattling at all he says opposite points
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all the time too like but he just says it's so quick you're like [ __ ] yeah what's wrong with the white premise what have they ever done that's defended you
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at all and of course of course i'm jewish and i'm jewish and i'm jewish and that's how i feel and that's how i believe in that it's kind of i just think free speech is
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fine but but but but but you know unless it's against my people uh i was born a biological male
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he always says that i was biological now i'm born a biological email so therefore i'm a male i couldn't be anything else out of the mail
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even if i change my gender it's not going to matter kyle dunnigan's bench up here i don't know if you've spoken about on the show i mean i mean he's he's
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literally it's it's um the fact that a guy like a kyle dunnigan is not um i
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mean he's a very famous but not like he's not the face of let's say the iconic snl sket like that is the most
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that's a will ferrell talent yeah that's not on the show dunnigan's dunnigan's he's what the show is and he's not on it
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well he's doing it himself it's better for shrimp it's me draco biden i hear you're a very
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talented trans am yeah okay i'm confused you called the ben shapiro show i'm ben shapiro i don't know who benefit shrimpo
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is also i'm not a trans am that's a car i'm a human man darn right you're a man who cares that you're born with in
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congratulations i just signed a mexican horror so you have not not a sexed and border you can play hockey with the
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girls now okay i'm sick of explaining this to everyone i am fully biologically male i was born with one set of
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reproductive organs and they are fully male now onto your point about hockey not interested look look look i need
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your vote i got a big erection coming up against a bad dude donald duck got no
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pants man orange legs if you're referring to the election we just had that you won you won that and to be
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clear it was not against a cartoon duck hey come on give me a chance america needs to heal
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that's why we're here because blank people are just as fat as white girls same as transgenders that
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makes absolutely no sense
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doningan is unbelievable you know personally like have him on the pod and stuff or whatever no i know he
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hasn't but he's never came on my show but i know i mean he's great i know him i love him he's so funny man yeah i love him he's a great guy i've never i never
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know who i don't love chris b oh hey fancy pete we said scumbag fancy setting
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in rudy's chair i know we're shooting early in the morning and our good friend krista stefano was back i feel like we just jumped right through all the hoops
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but we're fine and we've got everybody in the studio mm-hmm uh and fancy sitting in rudy's chair and he's far away from the mic just like she does
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yeah yeah fancy's there we said on a previous episode that fancy um with sex trafficking geriatric people yeah we
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said we were gone on the other episode because that's what you were up to i thought that was a secret but it's not anymore we were just
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kidding around the way he said it did you know that we said you got extradited to spain but now you're back
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i'm back i'm back how are you feeling fans i'm good i feel a little strange here in that chair you don't like that
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chair no i like it it's an expensive chair there's a very expensive chair yeah you
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better like it that cost west elm would you guys go east down far east down far east down yeah that
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chair is from right outside of uh wuhan there's a factory outside of wuhan that makes good chairs you've been over there east elm
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east um uh have you ever been a wuhan uh no no i haven't i haven't it's been to you
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no i've never gotten it you have had cover there's no doubt no we said this last time i don't know
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yeah you brought it to me well i didn't donny tsunami who's sitting in the back dead yeah that's true what what's the
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what's the main attraction in wuhan other than the labs you know what's funny oh the yellow crane tower that actually
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looks awesome that's i don't appreciate it would you go to yellow tower would you go change the color yes
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yellow i'd go to i'd go to wuhan now i bet it's as safe as ever 100 what's that lake called they got there dongle whoa
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lake took out the first photo of dong lake dong lake wow nice pretty that is look at that nice dong
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nice dong lake it's got a big dong um you can't even go to china right now papa i can i don't think we can i can
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why i know a couple guys you can get into china 100 i go down to the port of long beach i sneak inside one of those crates i'm in
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china a day do you do um yeah probably yeah you're you're merchants i know what's going on that crazy i know
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longshoremen yeah my merch comes from i just backtracked where my merch came from um you can't you know people were
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doing a lot of comedy shows in china before um the weezer hit and and now and now it's no people doing stand up in
00:07:04
china big time yeah because there's a lot of there's a lot of americans there expats that live there or english-speaking people that live there
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so you could go out there there was a guy who ran a comedy show there you could go an american culture my friend jared free did it he said it was awesome
00:07:15
i know him yeah jared free did it he said it was awesome what but now yeah now it's locked down baby wow can't go i
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bet you fancy doesn't know what expats mean do you know what it is yes what is it
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it means people who are in china who are from america nope nope
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expats are just they're not they're all over the world expats is someone who is a resident they they
00:07:37
moved out of the country but they're still patriot expats ex-patriots are you a patriot
00:07:43
i will be soon when is the citizenship test coming i they said any any time between three
00:07:50
months and twelve months you know so he's taking his citizenship testing have you done questions yet on the show oh yeah 100 okay yeah and you know what he
00:07:56
failed almost of all of them you know who else did me and bobby i didn't get one right can i can i just see if
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because i just want to see i'll look at you because i just i couldn't because you're a history i'm a history guy but i want to see if even i can if i'm if i'm
00:08:07
will if i'm if i'm an american citizen just read me one i won't look at the answer or maybe i no don't look at me don't okay yeah don't cheat uh how about
00:08:13
this um well what is an amendment what is an amendment an amendment is a is a ratification to the constitution
00:08:19
that's a change or an addition so change your in addition i'll give you 50 50 i said okay i tried to be smarter it's just a change what do we call the first
00:08:25
10 uh amendments to the constitution the bill of rights ooh he's on fire how many how many amendments does the
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constitution have yeah that you know hold on hold on hold on
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27 wow wow what are the two rights in the in the declaration of independence the two rights uh freedom of speech nope oh two
00:08:45
rights wait two what are two rights two of the three rights of the deck of independence um um um two rights um
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right to have slaves they definitely had to erase that
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everyone's like well i guess that's gone no they're like no no no keep it yeah keep it oh two rights um slavery was on
00:09:05
a post-it note freedom of the press nope ooh don't cover your neighbor's wife that's
00:09:10
in there if you're gonna cover to cover it all up i actually don't know what are they life
00:09:16
puberty and the pursuit of happiness ah got it got it okay i didn't realize it was triple right all right one more one
00:09:22
more and then one more all right one more and that's it what stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful um
00:09:27
uh checks and balances it's so funny because the fans think that you're an idiot but you're not yeah how about this one
00:09:34
name one name one right only for united states citizens name one person on the right
00:09:40
chris wait what was that name one right for
00:09:45
only u.s citizens name one right for only u.s two of them yeah what are the ones if you're born in the united states
00:09:50
you're a legal res you're a legal uh citizen you get a passport voting voting and what's the other one you can you can
00:09:57
if you're born here you can run for federal office run for federal office i think someone's gonna get their
00:10:02
citizenship wow fancy's going to get it so you're going to have dual citizenship fans yeah espana yeah and what passport you're
00:10:09
going to put above the other one you're going to put spain on top of the united states depending on which country i am whose side do you take on that fair
00:10:16
weather fan in the espana fight are you in catalonia or the other ones the other ones you're not catalonia no
00:10:21
it's catalonia without hope he's a fancy fancy texas you know i was going to say is catalonia like the alt-right of spain
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no it's not but they are the separatists they want to be separate right texas still to this day wants to they every
00:10:35
year they try to remove themselves from the united states and every year it gets shot down it doesn't make the news but it's like it's like a thing to like
00:10:41
every year they say we want to be separate and every year we're like you can't stupid but why let them go i think
00:10:47
i think let them live yeah i want to live they want to be their own independent country i think if texas was
00:10:52
its own in the country it'd be like the tenth largest economy in the world california is the third largest economy in the world in the world we're the
00:10:58
third now china's one right say type in california is what where the sixth i thought it was the third in the
00:11:04
world fifth there it is oh it did say fifth oh that's disgusting
00:11:10
look at that three trillion bucks baby yeah most half of it's mine yeah the fifth largest economy ahead of
00:11:17
the united kingdom and just behind germany wait a minute so california is bigger than the united kingdom
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gdp yeah gdp yeah wow but also look at that look at the landmass size we're
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probably four united kingdoms seriously it's the size of a spain california yeah if you crunched it into if you curled it
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over if you curled san francisco into san diego and made it a round ball we'd be bigger than just a bigger space
00:11:40
bigger than espana yeah but we've done less damage to the world than those scumbags have no but spain was big
00:11:45
pieces of [ __ ] um you know in their time still the invincible armada they were big pieces they were every the thing is
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every country has had its day yeah the inquisition i like that because we got rid of the
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jews no i'm kidding i'm just kidding
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i was just kidding we know we know fancy no but but see um
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i wrote this article historians say or chris de stefano says inquisition wasn't that bad
00:12:17
was it that bad that's the point where we're questioning stuff like that yeah i mean was it that bad what's the big
00:12:22
issue really so what holocaust what's the cost was it that bad
00:12:28
holla you you write an article holla car c-o-s-t question mark h-a-l-l-a-h holocaust
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holocaust what was it um that's not that's i mean look you guys were scumbags they were scum every
00:12:40
country every the thing is america right now yes i understand people say declining empire and america is so bad
00:12:46
we're just having our moment and but then the next country comes up and they'll do the same thing yeah england england was historically the worst
00:12:53
country of all time i mean they killed [ __ ] everybody just a little tiny baby island just killed everybody they
00:12:59
were a little coveted ball that was killing everybody and the you know they just were cute
00:13:04
doing it that's the key you're cute doing it they had nice little red coats well they're tiny men they're no england
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are tiny men they're tiny men and so they feel less sorry you know because they can do that and get away
00:13:15
did you oh slavery yeah we did it but you know my bad i'm sorry unfortunately for you you have to lose your head
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it's nuts ooh oopsie oh whoopsie doodle my bad oh is it your sister um i'm having my way
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with all right yeah i had to disembowel her it's bollocks i know sorry sorry sorry
00:13:40
the problem is love you're not white it's not your fault you've got too much
00:13:45
pigmentation yeah off you off with your head but yeah but so headings would have been
00:13:51
tight to see though oh my god dude well here's the thing is is you know nobody popped off in medieval times you
00:13:58
know what i mean there was no there was no twitter no tick tock there was nobody think about how good tick tock would be
00:14:03
in medieval oh my god it would just be whatever the state wants you know like you just do you cannot i
00:14:10
mean the the level of freedom that we have here i mean literally let i guarantee you if i said if i was
00:14:16
president biden said we're going to start we're going to behead a tick tocker nobody would ever do anything again it would just be done yeah we have
00:14:23
too much freedom everyone there's no penalty for anything yeah when if there is it's a wag of the finger there's more
00:14:28
of a penalty for uh saying something racist online now than doing something actually bad yeah baby did you see that
00:14:34
guy throw a milkshake at that girl that young girl at the what was that uh it was like a jamba juice or something just
00:14:40
to andrew santino hit some moments look she [ __ ] up my [ __ ] smoothie yeah
00:14:45
yeah uh oh jasmine's calling me uh she'll pick it up yeah answer oh
00:14:51
she sent me a covet test is that negative or positive here we go i don't know i can't tell wait hold on
00:14:57
is this one negative wait let me see is that negative she's positive no not her i think it's my kid because that little line to see
00:15:04
the blurry line if it's blurry it's positive so who's got cove two lines positive one line negative yeah that's
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pot that's positive oh baby wait a minute who does i don't know maybe one of my kids lila's i hope not let me call
00:15:16
her let's call and find out who's got co who's got covid welcome back to who's got covent yeah who is it i'll see hold
00:15:22
on let's just go you never get it but you're around it i'm always around it
00:15:27
that's it maybe he just can't read the tests yeah yeah i know [Laughter]
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he's like two lines two lines means good two red lines hey
00:15:41
hey whose test is that oh so is that positive
00:15:47
but how
00:15:54
they just yelled out positive in the in the doctor's office positive oh my god
00:16:00
um well here let me go up uh but she's okay though right she feels fine
00:16:06
what did the doctor say what did the doctor say
00:16:13
right all right you know what so but what are you guys going to do now
00:16:18
yeah no i'm i'm the podcast so i was just stopped down for a second but i saw that i was i want to make sure
00:16:24
everything's okay so let me so let i'm dramatic you just send me a positive
00:16:30
i don't know what it was i know if it's a pregnancy test or kova test i think that i've been reading our covet tests wrong i think i've had it multiple times
00:16:40
you should have if you would have told me that was a pregnancy test i would have been like i guess we're having another one
00:16:46
as a matter of fact the fact that one of my kids does have cover now is i would demand a paternity test at this point because i don't believe any of my
00:16:51
children can get cold check the blood i i you think i have coveted right now i do feel achy oh great i look covety
00:16:58
sorry andrew andrew's like not again all right let me go i'll call you in
00:17:04
about 45 minutes all right bye well that's good
00:17:10
but it's fine you know now i'm nervous now i'm like kids should wear masks well she's gonna be okay no she's been
00:17:15
all right she had a fever last week but we kept giving her cove a test but they were negative but i do think now that in
00:17:20
hindsight maybe i have been reading them wrong the whole time because i was like positive i would see positive a big plus i'm like that's
00:17:27
thumbs up you don't have it they were like you're positive you don't have it well positive means you don't have it
00:17:33
the plus means you don't have it yeah because if you're positive it's like you're positive you're good yeah and negative means it's negative it means
00:17:39
you have it bad right that's bad yeah stay positive stay positive be negative be negative
00:17:46
awesome cause yeah because when i looked at that result i was like this is negative right and then she's like that's a positive thing
00:17:52
she's still faint that's a faint so that means that it's not really that big of it low viral load
00:17:57
low viral load yeah all right so she's good she's fine this guy's wife works in a hospital she knows she's a she's a
00:18:02
doctor epidemiologist it's the same thing epidemiologist is the one you want she's the one that studies the virus
00:18:08
right yeah what does she say low viral load if it's a light blue line right a thin blue line which is what we [ __ ]
00:18:14
support over here a little bit of red sneaking true right over the border as a matter of fact i
00:18:19
like that cova test that's what i want my daughter she supports a thin dominant red little bit of blue yeah so you know what that she's a distefano
00:18:28
why do they make the lead they make those lines red and then a little bit of blue yeah they want to let you know who you really are well they want that's
00:18:34
what that test is for to find out if you're a demo or rib what said that yeah that and it's and it's also you know it's red white and blue she's an
00:18:39
american citizen god bless she was born and raised in this god god bless god bless you yeah his wife er er is a
00:18:47
beautiful smart professional and look at this guy i know it's unbelievable is she from spain no she's american white real
00:18:55
american south she's from south carolina south carolina yeah yeah but if you marry her you can just get the
00:19:00
citizenship right you don't have to get it on your own he is married they are married but aren't you then
00:19:05
automatically a citizen no i still have to still have to apply and do all that stuff but i thought if you married i
00:19:10
thought that's why people did that they married foreigners you know like a guy would marry a foreign woman and get the papers
00:19:16
isn't that a thing like you can't get thrown out of the country anymore right they drive i know
00:19:22
you can't after all that geriatric trafficking that he was doing even that they couldn't deport you well i'm gonna
00:19:28
find a way no you get married but you still i think there's still you still have to uh yeah you have to be married for a number of years yeah number of
00:19:34
years you have to apply it's not as easy as they make it sound it's not like oh you're in you're done got it but he
00:19:39
wants to become a naturalized citizen he begins to become one of us okay a real one a real one i don't think
00:19:46
you can do that you're not born here yeah you've got to be born into it like a hasidic jew
00:19:51
let him have it i could be like arnold i could be governor yeah he could be governor now that'd be nice if you were
00:19:56
governor i know i'd vote for you i want my governor to have bangs
00:20:06
and a cool accent yeah you do have a cool accent i think the spanish accent is very cool and you don't have the lisp
00:20:12
how come you don't have the lisp i do have it oh yeah yeah but what when you grow up in espana do they ever talk
00:20:18
about the lisp and how people will say things about it or you just think that everybody speaks like that right you think everybody everybody else speaks
00:20:24
wrong yeah because by the time you realize that you you're the one that sound like an idiot you're like i can't
00:20:29
change it now right it's because it's already in your brain what am i supposed to do
00:20:34
this is who i am this is who i will be who i will be he doesn't have the ass in the front that i'm doing he does this
00:20:41
this this thing he does not have yeah you don't have the cause it's usually so clear because you know
00:20:46
where yeah the more monies you have the less s you have
00:20:51
and if you're poor then it's big and it's big the more broke you are the bigger the s is do you
00:20:58
um um cause spain is like the the top like they're like um the big ones like
00:21:04
they're like the britain of the latino population like you look down upon all the other ones like ooh the little
00:21:09
roaches like you don't want to go near ecuador
00:21:20
so even the type of spanish you speak is that proper like how a british person would be like oh permanent proper that's
00:21:26
your spanish that's that's how we sound too so somebody from somebody like uh you know my girl's family's puerto rican
00:21:32
they would be listening to you speak spanish and be like oh he sounds very proper with his spanish because my you know kids family was like
00:21:38
you know like they're [ __ ] like they go they call it bus and then uh i didn't know this but
00:21:45
jasmine she said uh her mom said oh the guagua or whatever and jasmine said hey like we're out like in where we were
00:21:51
like in new york she was like there's we're around like a lot of tourists like someone's from spain here they're gonna think you're an idiot and she was like i don't give a [ __ ] i'll do whatever the
00:21:57
[ __ ] i want to do i'll be me her mom is crazy i don't get my [ __ ]
00:22:04
i gotta be me she's like let them talk to me she goes i don't even know where spain be at
00:22:10
she goes i don't know david spain do some magic for me david spain
00:22:16
[Laughter] stitch fix hey when it comes to looking
00:22:21
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00:23:11
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bad friends better help hey we've talked about betterhelp on this show a lot we are big proponents of mental health on the show
00:23:34
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00:24:27
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percent off your first month at betterhelp.com bad friends yeah she's like i don't care
00:24:39
he's our fancy he's our fan fancy baby no i love we should oh you guys ever consider doing an episode in spain or
00:24:44
going to spain to his hometown we want to go to spain and shoot a movie we're going to do it we're going to try
00:24:49
to we're going to try our very hardest i would like to do it i think that's the move now right as we might as well just try to shoot the
00:24:55
movies ourselves right i think that's that's the most because because otherwise we could have 10 executive meetings with people who
00:25:01
don't really want to do it no let's just shoot it and then you guys do it and then if if there's a part for old chrissy banks i fly over economy middle
00:25:07
seat [Music] you're gonna have to get a ticket without a seat oh where it's assigned to
00:25:12
you at the game i stand up i hold on to the railing yeah sir please sit down this is my seat yeah
00:25:18
you just have to hang that that's probably where it's going to be cut when it's going to come down twice and the eu shut them down ryanair
00:25:26
didn't stand ryanair standing seats they wanted to do that they wanted to do just one pilot
00:25:31
stand and see it just one pilot is nuts i mean if you [ __ ] get a heart attack or something
00:25:38
just one pilot's the craziest thing i've ever heard in my life why not so cheap like you can fly yeah but ryanair yeah
00:25:45
but ryanair the flights are like 20 minutes have you done it ryanair yeah that's how i flew that's how i got around europe when i was there that's
00:25:51
how you get around it's the easy and you said it's like 20 bucks they fill the the tanks just enough so they can do
00:25:57
emergency landings so they they got they they everything is calculated
00:26:02
so and and but there's people that in europe that they fly country to country daily like right sure yeah but it's just yeah from
00:26:10
yeah it's like yeah they're all 40 40 minutes flights like if you go to i went england to france or england to spain and it's just quick just an hour wow
00:26:17
yeah it's amazing europe is a mini little it's like western united states right that's how
00:26:23
that's all closer like the states in western u.s are as big as the countries in western europe yeah yeah no i know i
00:26:29
i i've been except ours touch and not and not all their jazz touches because they got a bunch of water bunch of water
00:26:34
there's a bunch of water over there and i but the thing is with europe they're more cultured and they sound smarter and better and are more you know culture
00:26:40
because every the countries they're it's all different uh cultures and languages so are we no but you drive three
00:26:46
thousand miles in any direction with everyone speaking english pretty much but that's the only thing yeah i'm coming except you go down to mexico
00:26:54
or you ever been out of louisiana louisiana to buy you boys man they sound
00:27:00
so different they sound crazy well they got a little bit of someone i been out about it sounds like that and then
00:27:05
you're like okay what yeah okay [ __ ] oh god come on out here
00:27:12
it sounds like that do they it sounds like water boy remember water boy yeah that's what everybody sounds like down
00:27:17
there do you think they're pro vaccine they don't even they don't even make it way down there no they said i don't know
00:27:23
man come on come down here boy i don't need none of that boy but come on man ain't gonna get it we don't need a boy
00:27:30
and then he'll go stab me go bh never been to louisiana it's awesome
00:27:37
yeah so dope i mean new orleans at least is where i went and then i went shot guns and saw gators
00:27:42
wow guns and gators we did a guns and gators today dude yeah and then you know our boat got stuck in the swamp i'm not
00:27:49
kidding it was so [ __ ] funny we're driving around as january as a buddies bachelor party we go shoot
00:27:54
guns we go take the boat out to go see gators and swamp or drinking beers and the dude that's operating it who's just
00:28:00
as [ __ ] up as anybody else on it it's his job to like stay sober and get us back through the marsh in the swamps and
00:28:06
he's like oh man this boat's done this will be done i was like the boat's done he's like boat be done we just put it on
00:28:13
a short we just got put up on the shore and he's like we're gonna have to wait till someone else come back
00:28:18
i was like call someone he's like ain't nobody they call we gotta wait
00:28:25
we just had to sit there and wait till somebody came back at any moment you like a gator can come and chomp our boat in half and i would just at some point i
00:28:31
was like would this what if it gets dark and now it's night now we're just sitting here all night in the [ __ ] so you just have to hopefully wait for
00:28:37
another bite oh no someone had come by that's what he said someone had come by it was like an hour and a half
00:28:42
nobody was even on the water at all and you had no [ __ ] no one had sell signal we had no cell signal you were in the middle of the water yeah if you
00:28:49
would have gotten out and tried to swim to land you're [ __ ] you would have been killed eaten by a gator immediately the land is the water it's the marsh so
00:28:55
it looks like you could step on ship but you'll fall right through it's the swamp wow yeah yeah we just ran out of gas at
00:29:01
the beginning we're laughing yeah 25 minutes and you're kind of chuckling but it's weird
00:29:06
half an hour you're like this is [ __ ] yeah an hour you're like panic yeah then an hour and a half you're like [ __ ] it
00:29:12
and we just kept drinking right because then what are you going to do i might fall asleep sweeping the swamp
00:29:17
sweeping swamp am i sweeping a swamp and then what happened another boat came by and just you got on that boat i came by yeah guy came by then he was like oh i
00:29:24
got a radio one guy came by we got on that new boat they left the old boat and then they had to
00:29:29
go get someone else to go tow it out they just leave it there that captain should have went down with the ship he's a [ __ ] that captain
00:29:36
we just shot a hole in it and he just sinks into the swamp yeah as he's thinking he's just his body structure but it was fun
00:29:41
that's how i chipped my tooth you see my tooth on the front no oh yeah i do eat lulu i chipped it on a crawfish shell on
00:29:47
mushroom i was on mushrooms and we were eating a crawfish boil and then the next morning i went to get a po-boy sandwich and the guy was like i was playing with
00:29:53
my tooth like this because i had a chip and he goes what's wrong with your tooth and i was like i i chitten on a crawfish
00:30:00
shell and he goes oh that's new orleans that's new orleans he was right though
00:30:06
man i bit right there i chipped my [ __ ] tooth in new orleans i um i took mushrooms for the first time ever last
00:30:11
week get yes did you do it on the pod i did it on the pot i did it on the patreon did you feel did you feel good patreon
00:30:17
christy d patreon.com says christy comedy um we did it for the five dollar level and up and uh i did it with a
00:30:23
gianni payload uh whose little brother christian we saw his mom last night we saw jet
00:30:29
chris sent a text message to gianni and said best threesome we've ever had
00:30:34
yeah he was pissed johnny was like he goes ha ha and then he sent me a text like an hour later he was like you really didn't hook up with my mom right
00:30:40
i was like yeah yeah we did what are you talking about what do you think you came to l.a for yeah dude why do you think i have you run on my tick tock she's tiny
00:30:46
she's a tiny so is he so all her kids are tiny they say we took your mom to france she saw the eiffel tower
00:30:56
yeah um he's a good dude yeah um
00:31:01
i hear that we banged your mom he's a good dude great guy i really appreciate his love and support these last years um no he did mushrooms
00:31:08
he took his shirt off um jacked he's on testosterone or butyrol he's on some type of steroid openly and uh it looks
00:31:14
great and we took mushrooms and um it really for me was it wasn't like a bug out experience but i i just feel very
00:31:21
settled i feel i've had the least amount of anxiety i've had in years has been this last week how many how much
00:31:26
mushrooms did you take george is not enough because george is a big mushroom head are you a big mushroom guy big time uh yeah it's but it's kind of hard now
00:31:32
that i have a kid uh you know get a good day off to do mushrooms but yeah look at this guy with a toothpick in his mouth like he's a mafia member who the [ __ ] do
00:31:39
you think you are caffeine uh toothpick nicotine full is it really
00:31:44
yeah a nicotine toothpick yeah sneaky way to get to give me one of those all right wow have you ever had a nicky toothpick
00:31:50
no i want a nicky pic what what it's just like it's like smoking the stove if they if they call them nick picks what
00:31:56
are they called if they don't if they don't they're not called nick picks i'm upset
00:32:01
wow how come they're not a sponsor well they should be i'll try it i've never done nicotine uh
00:32:07
it smells wait you never smoked a cigarette in your life maybe once or twice
00:32:12
really yeah what about a stogie almost never i swear i i've barely ever smoked weed i don't really smoke
00:32:19
anything i like i miss smoking weed i don't do as much anymore hey how much how much nicotine are in these things uh just two
00:32:26
mgs so what would that be like one cigarette i think lessons what less than a cigarette i think less or equal too do
00:32:33
you like um do you like vapes have you ever had a vape never hit a vape wow i actually like this i can get addicted to this it's it because it makes my breath
00:32:39
it's like a breath mint yeah what is the flavoring on this george what does it say the flavoring is
00:32:44
uh this one's spice island clove but they got lots of flavors i was going to say it does smell like a clove i was going to say it feels like i'm chewing
00:32:50
on rudy [Laughter] american spirits are dirtbag cigarettes
00:32:57
right that's what cool kids smoke because they're like um american spirits organic yeah they're like all organic tobacco
00:33:03
and it's like fair trade how stupid are people they're like it's organic these cigarettes are you know raised
00:33:09
right like it's just you're smoking a cigarette well they're cage-free cigarettes cage-free cigarettes they're farm-raised you know what the difference
00:33:14
is though i will say if you're gonna smoke you might as well smoke tobacco that's not inferior uh infused with
00:33:21
other [ __ ] right so it's like like a cigar is just tobacco okay i mean a good cigar is
00:33:26
gonna be really good high-end just tobacco right leaves but then cigarettes you get good tobacco
00:33:32
and then they put all sorts of they put ammonia they put piss they put urine in it they put piss in it they put piss and
00:33:38
cigarettes politicians they collect their piss put in ziggy wiggies put it in the ziggy wiggies holy [ __ ] you know
00:33:43
that they pepperoni pepsi is flavored by abortion fetuses is it really google it it's like it's like a real conspiracy
00:33:50
okay zoom in the chemical constant chemical constitution uh scoot in on
00:33:56
that zoom in on that baby up uh nicotine carbon monoxide arsenic
00:34:03
nail polish remover yeah tulene methylamine methylamine is what gianni's on to get jacked that's his
00:34:09
stomach methylamine methylamine man that's a new character meslamine man yeah just like a superhero
00:34:15
jacked on meth i'll fight crime all the day days of the a name for that guy he was alive who was
00:34:21
it adolf hitler that was methylene methylene man methylene man
00:34:30
he'll build a puzzle then he'll kill an entire race of people he's building a thousand-piece puzzle hold on one second
00:34:37
that's insane how bad cigarettes how much stuff is in there disgusting but but i guess that's the deal right isn't that the irish cancer society cancer
00:34:44
society it would be us yeah yeah here's all the stuff that's inside cigarettes not our cigarettes
00:34:51
what what uh well what's the difference american spirits are just tobacco right no additives is that true
00:34:57
are they just i think hippies smoke them because they think it's like a nice the brand american spirit is now owned by r.j
00:35:03
reynolds ammonia formaldehyde pepper spray ethanol ethyl alcohol lead isopropyl
00:35:09
alcohol vinyl chlor vinyl chloride that's a band name i was gonna say
00:35:14
wait a minute though formaldehyde that's what they ferment bodies in right yeah dude ammonia dude i knew a kid that smoked
00:35:20
that smoked formaldehyde it's called getting wet have you guys ever heard of this no one's heard of this
00:35:26
type in getting wet this is this is urban dictionary up pepsi flavored by boarded fetuses
00:35:31
[Laughter] i made a couple of pepsis in my day
00:35:38
oh god ready refreshed by nestle hold on
00:35:43
speaker hello this is ready to refresh your beverage delivery yeah i'm trying to [ __ ] cancel your service for three
00:35:48
months oh it's a [ __ ] robot [ __ ] you
00:35:54
i've been trying to cancel ready refreshments
00:36:04
everyone thinks i'm a robot they don't take me serious getting wet cam new jersey man accused of murdering six-year-old boy critically
00:36:10
winning 12 sister was on combination of pcp and marijuana a drug sometimes called wet at the time of the crime according to local right okay that's
00:36:16
what it is getting wet is pcp in your marijuana was that you just ripping a fight i didn't even do it into the mic my god
00:36:22
you picked that up on the mic you guys got good mics well those chairs have fart we've got fart reverberators
00:36:28
they're plugged right into the mic no because i didn't i didn't i didn't even try to get that's what's getting wet is pcp inside of weed but i thought people
00:36:33
dipped from mount blunts and formaldehyde i thought that was a thing right training day too denzel says to ethan hawk like oh that's you getting
00:36:40
wet i didn't know you like to get wet that's exactly thank you thank you carlos see carlos training day
00:36:46
does have [ __ ] on me one time i saw ethan hawk at the airport right in new york or something at the airport and
00:36:51
we're on the same flight i was like that's weird and then i came back like two weeks later from l.a and ethan
00:36:57
hawk was on my flight going back to new york i was like that's [ __ ] weird he i was like i was like what's going on he
00:37:02
hawk i was like we keep seeing each other in the airport he was like scaredy
00:37:08
he just keeps flying back and forth from new york to l.a every single day every day just so people see him on a flight that's there was a story about a dad
00:37:14
once who um his daughter was a flight attendant and he barely saw her so for like a week he just took all her flights
00:37:20
wherever she goes he just sat on her flight i was like what a stupid thing loser dad i was like i mean let me tell you something well he's trying to make
00:37:25
up for all those years i was gonna say that ain't gonna make up for the times you used to beat the [ __ ] out of her mother [Laughter]
00:37:33
you got daddy issues now i'm on every flight yeah and they wrote it up like this whole nice news article like what a good dad i was like he's making up for
00:37:39
scumbag [ __ ] he did yeah i'd be like what are you if you're a good president father's like i'm not going any [ __ ] flights to detroit with him exhausted
00:37:45
just come home yeah come home by the way i don't know what's going on with uh flight attendants lately but uh the
00:37:51
attitude is through the [ __ ] roof you got it you got it from a flight attendant lately i'm almost every flight i get on there just just in a bad mood
00:37:57
you know what i've noticed in this i don't whatever wherever the flight attendants um are are coming from
00:38:03
wherever they're based out of that's what dictates if they're going to enforce the mask rule or not i would when i flew out here
00:38:09
from when i flew i flew from new york to florida they didn't give a [ __ ] i had my mask off the entire flight as soon as i
00:38:15
got the first beverage entire flight nobody said anything they didn't know when we were flying from florida to
00:38:21
california i guess it was the la base they in between sips they had it had to be on
00:38:27
my chin if i if i pulled it on my ear they she would say it has in between sip sir in between sip sir i was like oh my
00:38:34
god you know what it's like this is a first hand account about three four months ago i forgot where i
00:38:39
was flying from i've never seen this i was flying first class and uh new york to boston and um no i was flying first
00:38:46
class short flight new york to philly and um
00:38:51
and uh you know they take your jackets right yeah take your jackets and hang them up whatever you know
00:38:57
polite stuff so we're you know landing or whatever and the woman uh flight attendant she
00:39:03
goes um she goes gives the guy his jacket back you know and he goes there's a crease in this like he was being such
00:39:09
a dick he was like there's a crease in this he goes what the [ __ ] did you do to my jacket and she was like sir she was
00:39:15
like i you know i folded it up she was like i'm sorry you know we're going to be landing soon you know if you'd like to make a report or whatever you know
00:39:21
you know being like so professional and i was like well i saw at first i wasn't listening to the beginning but then i
00:39:26
took my headphones i was like this is getting like pretty heated and then the guy goes i can't believe i fly this
00:39:32
yellow all the time look you creased my crease my jacket kept going on and then something snap this is a firsthand account i this was not told to me by
00:39:38
someone i witnessed every moment of this i saw it first i wish i was recording it but i was just so shocked in the moment
00:39:44
she uh you know he's still yelling and she goes she finally goes she goes sure sir shut the [ __ ] up
00:39:50
i swear to god she goes sir shut the [ __ ] up and sit down
00:39:55
she goes shut and then and then the other flight attendant came and like tried to like you know like get in was
00:40:01
like all right and then she went and sat like in her bucket seat because i had the angle you know you know like when you're sitting at first because she's something you could see see him yeah i
00:40:07
could see her sitting in the backseat and she's like this [ __ ] scumbag like she was going on and then he walked
00:40:13
out like he like you know zoomed past her and she i scrolled him the whole way like she was not like i'm sorry like she
00:40:18
didn't come to her sense good for her she's like you shut the [ __ ] up and stay seated sir
00:40:25
good for her and i was like [ __ ] that dude yeah it was almost to the point where i swear to god like the people around us we almost like started
00:40:30
clapping for the flight because he was being such a dick yeah you know well sometimes they are but that's my thing is i'm always so polite and nice but
00:40:36
sometimes you catch an attitude from them yeah like i was nice on the flight to um
00:40:41
st louis and um uh american has stopped doing like certain food services now
00:40:47
you know because of all this [ __ ] but the woman i know she she gets a coffee yeah and then i politely said
00:40:54
is there a meal service on this flight because i didn't know if there was i'm genuinely asking she goes i'll get it to you after i serve everyone a drink and i
00:41:01
was like no i just i was just asking i didn't know if there was one she goes yes there is after can i do all the
00:41:07
drinks and i was like okay you [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:41:12
yeah i was being so nice i think the thing is like they've dealt with so much [ __ ]
00:41:17
that's not like it used to be years ago no they were all in such a good mood i know because their money was probably
00:41:22
better their hours weren't as insane now they're overworked and underpaid so they're like [ __ ] [ __ ] here's your jacket you [ __ ] pieces idiot that's
00:41:29
what the heck should have you know ed de bevex do you know what that is no it was a restaurant in chicago where they were mean to you bring up ed duvets the part
00:41:35
of the service was they were an [ __ ] to you that's funny that's fine here they go here's your steak fat ass and they walk away
00:41:42
my dad used to be like you should get a job at the beverage should be perfect for perfect fight but that's the deal you're supposed to be a bully a lot of
00:41:48
like second city people and stuff like that work there improv kids why'd they close it down i guess you can in this climate right
00:41:53
kind of hard you throw a couple racial slurs you get yeah upstart hey a lot of us have credit card
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bad friends buffy hey we've talked about buffy so much on this show it's the one thing that bobby always says that uh i
00:43:13
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it so much i have it on um the beds plural yeah i have a couple of beds in my house and i got them on all of them
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bad friends no they still might be open i have no idea dude are they still there does it say it's like yeah it's over
00:44:47
they're still open oh at the beverage yeah but now they're going to be pc when they're mean to you god yeah here's your steak you cis white male and everyone's
00:44:54
like bang bang i bet you voted democrat
00:45:00
yeah they used to be they used to be uh mean to you what is this oh save you money so you can figure out how to leave me a decent tip okay because right now i
00:45:06
have no prayer at all you know what grandpa was nice to you i'd get canned okay if you want good
00:45:12
service you go somewhere else i know hooters is probably more your speed this is how unfortunate this is this made the
00:45:18
news it back in 2015 because people are like oh a mean server they've been doing this for like 50 [ __ ] years
00:45:25
they've been doing this for so long but now people are like huh how could you say that that's crazy it's on the it's on the internet can you
00:45:32
believe she would say that dude they've been doing that for and they used to be mean to you and i don't think they do that the wiener circle too in chicago
00:45:37
aren't they yeah yeah was that just not even an act that's not an act that's like they work at the dmv you know you just making a
00:45:43
video of the wiener circle i went there when when i shot my special on the head the the this is these three beautiful
00:45:49
large black women and they say well because look they deal with little college kids all the time up there right
00:45:54
so drunk ass college kids they started lighting them up and that's kind of part of the culture over there which you want your little small dick piece of [ __ ]
00:46:01
you're like hot dogs you're like shut the [ __ ] up and you get your hot it's a good hot dog shut up tyler shut up
00:46:07
cassidy ass little vaccinated [ __ ] vaccinated [ __ ]
00:46:13
ass this [ __ ] got booze you know he got two boosters this [ __ ]
00:46:18
yeah no they do they light you up at the wiener circle but that's again that's that's not that wasn't the history of the
00:46:24
restaurant yeah that's beving's whole was resort don't they do that at that like dick joke restaurant but that's more of like a
00:46:30
chain of it like they be they just they they light you up at dick's last resort and they write like they give you like big pope hats and they write like you're
00:46:36
a piece of [ __ ] on it they should do that they should have a um dick's last flight dick's last flight i'm doing airline dix dix airlines oh where they
00:46:43
just dude yeah i'm like whatever i'm like a pothole what
00:46:48
um jet if you fly jet blue jet blue is the only one giving like full service meals
00:46:53
like it was in line 19 everybody else i was on i flew delta out here and the lady sitting dude the lady sitting next
00:47:00
to me in delta shoes this is pretty funny too the flight attendant was nice about it but the woman goes she goes um you know whatever says the choices of
00:47:06
the breakfast and she goes do you have anything with green like i'm looking for something with green and the flight attendant was like all our food is in a
00:47:11
box you want a salad [ __ ] wait till you
00:47:17
land yeah that's all our food is in a box um and then when i was flying from new york to tampa here i sat next to a
00:47:23
pilot you know like sometimes pilots yeah and i swear dude i swear to god we're like an hour and a half into the
00:47:28
flight and he he's like looking out the window and like i saw him like looking and he goes this plane don't sound good
00:47:34
and i was like really like he was like i think it's going to be fine but it they need to it don't sound good and i was like well i
00:47:41
swear to god and i was like really and then i asked him he was kind of struck up a little conversation for literally two minutes but i asked him ice because
00:47:48
this was the flight to tampa nobody was wearing a mask i said do you guys wear masks in the cockpit he goes i never wore a mask once in the cockpit yeah why
00:47:54
would he yeah it's just him and one other guy yeah they take it right off immediately well here's the here's the irony about the mass thing i don't want to get too deep into that because who
00:47:59
cares but yeah it's weird that they're like you wear a mask when you're sitting still just breathing usually out your nose you know yeah which is like i mean
00:48:05
you know how much is going on but when you're eating you're like there's all this [ __ ] getting into the air so [ __ ] it's the weirdest time to
00:48:12
like take off your mess while you're eating you're like burping and yeah it's spitting food out
00:48:17
of your mouth but they're like no no that should be when you're sitting still breathing out donnie was telling me a story i don't even remember this like a few months ago when they did the mass
00:48:23
mandate southwest pilots were like yeah we're just not going to fly the flights and then southwest had to reverse their mass mandate because the pilots were
00:48:29
like yeah we're just not doing it because we're all hicks well yeah but i mean southwest you know southwest dude southwest honestly man the bus in the
00:48:35
sky every time i flown southwest it's a great experience the wi-fi is fantastic i get mad leg room uh-huh everything's
00:48:41
good we're always good with southwest spirit airlines it's [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] i've never i've never flown it once never flows we should do that's what we
00:48:47
should do fly spirit and die yeah that that's that's that's all i'll get the boost off let me fly spirit no mask i
00:48:53
gotta if does spirit go overseas they don't fly over oh they'll never make it yeah that's what i'm saying they run out again oh dude they'll never make it to
00:49:00
spiritual overseas spirit airlines 47 domestic and 28 international destinations
00:49:05
hey let's go to aruba colombia costa rica dominican republic ecuador el salvador guatemala they go to all they
00:49:12
got all his countries any central or south america airlines whenever you go to lax and you go past the terminal you
00:49:17
can tell that they make them bring their own tape in case something falls apart that's like you know you know i was watching the thing you ever seen like
00:49:23
airline disasters or some [ __ ] you know that show like working oh yeah i was watching once about like korean air and
00:49:28
like in korea you cannot if you are you know the the whatever assistant pilot
00:49:33
what are they called what's up that's the main pilot if you're the co-pilot you cannot you cannot ever direct your
00:49:40
superior ever and so what do you mean like if he makes a mistake you can't say he can't so that every you know that
00:49:45
everybody died on this flight because the the you know they had like the you know uh black box quarter this guy the
00:49:51
the uh pilot was flying directly into a [ __ ] mountain and all the co-pilot
00:49:57
had to do was you know you know excuse me yeah i think of you
00:50:05
that's all that's all you have to do mountain mountain just one word he was afraid
00:50:11
but he says over the black box he goes whatever he was like uh he was like the you know the pilot is is going to fly
00:50:16
into a mountain he goes so sick i want you to tell my wife and kids i love it
00:50:22
yeah like you didn't do it oh my god that was the only thing they had that's how they do and they like they weren't laughing about our airlines just like
00:50:28
unfortunately in their culture i was like what the [ __ ] what do you mean you can't even you can't even make it so he just the guy the pilot was just
00:50:34
driving he's like skies look great and then he just flew it right and the other co-pilot was like that's a
00:50:40
mount fuji you're gonna hit and then that was his last one because he's telling my wife and kids i love them because the pilot just flew it around
00:50:45
was this malcolm gladwell's cop cockpit culture theory and the asiana crash that's what also okay so there you go malcolm gladwell that's what a good lady
00:50:52
malcolm gladwell is and the stories from one of his books though the story of the korean air uh oh is it
00:50:59
is in one of his books yeah okay yeah he's sorry i don't really like they made all uh korean pilots
00:51:04
learn english so that they wouldn't have like because the language is so hierarchical in korea what do you mean like the pilots had to learn english to
00:51:12
communicate in english to each other because of the hierarchy of the korean language wouldn't allow them to like talk to their superiors but english is
00:51:18
just you you you he doesn't know what hierarchy means you gotta say that's a yeah patriarchy yeah there's only one
00:51:23
yeah there's only one arkey over here baby hey bunker
00:51:32
you know they had to learn english so they because they had an ability to speak to each other at a similar uh it's crazy dude if you look at like other
00:51:38
cultures like you know if i was you know meeting you know my girl's father um uh you know are you in america
00:51:46
you have to look them in their eye or it's disrespectful in asian culture you look them in their eye it's disrespectful so it's like you don't
00:51:52
know if you if you meet your if you're if you had a korean wife and you looked her father in the eye he'd be like get
00:51:57
this guy's a [ __ ] piece where are you supposed to look in their chest i don't think you're supposed to keep your head down it's like a culture thing you have
00:52:02
to keep your head down where are you can't look at these guys in the eye that's very disrespectful in the asian culture see americans if you shake
00:52:08
someone's hand you don't look them in the eye it's a [ __ ] you that's right that's like that's like man [ __ ] you that's what that is you don't you don't
00:52:13
look them in the eyeball that's nuts 10 places where eye contact is not recommended
00:52:19
yeah in the bedroom china not recommended yeah well i'll
00:52:24
look them all in the face and say you did this to me yeah also in chinese muslim not recommended in china look at
00:52:30
that in china people make eye contact when they're angry it's meant to challenge the other person has a sign of
00:52:36
disrespect yeah see it's a it's a big thing japan not recommended
00:52:41
iran and sometimes sometimes depends if you're looking at you know saddam hussein or somebody look look him in the
00:52:47
eyes eye contact is an uh accompaniment to many conversations when the participants are friends or family got
00:52:53
it strangers you don't look in a [ __ ] eye however eye contact is never appropriate for the opposite gender you don't look abroad in the eyeballs you
00:52:58
look at a tits my eyes are right here yeah that's saudi arabia is that what that said where was that where that was iran
00:53:05
that was iran iran yeah iran not iran iran they correct you all the time here
00:53:11
in l.a because everybody here all these they're all from [ __ ] iran and iran is right where are iran iran
00:53:18
because here in l.a we have a lot of iranians and they'll tell you iran not iran yeah i just go old school i just
00:53:24
say persia for persia yeah yeah they all say persians you know that they call themselves persian yeah
00:53:29
because you know why they say that why well because because the the connotation of iran because of what happened with the [ __ ] the war people don't want
00:53:36
people like oh you're from iraq you're like iran like shame shame to me yeah
00:53:41
vietnam not recommended well i'm not looking at her teeth where else am i going to look who's that star bros jesus christ
00:53:48
uh in vietnam eye contact is a way of showing interest in the opposite gender
00:53:54
right yeah that's everywhere around that's what started the whole vietnamese war somebody just looked somebody in the eye
00:53:59
why is this the photo cambodia not recommended to look down on the child that's about to give you a blow job what
00:54:04
is that photo what is that photo why do they have these weird [ __ ] photos on this
00:54:09
website yeah what the hell is she's got beautiful eyes this kid stop it oh
00:54:14
indonesia sometimes go down kenya sometimes hong kong not
00:54:21
but america is the worst place sharon or south korea not recommending south korea i thought south korea was
00:54:27
i thought i killed bobby in the eye don't look him in the eye i look him in the eye all the time that's why that's why he's not here
00:54:36
thailand it says some eye contact not too much
00:54:41
u.s eye contact welcome united kingdom okay of course yeah but that's one of those things i guess um it
00:54:48
is interesting meeting like your girlfriend's father because you get like you get so in your head like my girl's
00:54:53
dad he died um but he was a big like a puerto rican man but humongous donald
00:55:00
trump supporter like huge trump guy i had no idea aren't all puerto ricans aren't big puerto isn't it it depends
00:55:05
like yeah it did you know it some are some this guy was huge huge trump guy
00:55:11
and he died like right after the election i just met jasmine you know i barely knew him i met him like you
00:55:17
know my daughter delilah was like three months old and so but he you know he wasn't coming around that much but then
00:55:23
he started coming around so i got to know him and i didn't know his political uh you know i didn't know who he was affiliated with but when the the night
00:55:28
after the election he came over for dinner and i thought because puerto rico got a puerto rican kid this is all new
00:55:34
to me i went on like you know i was like you know what a disservice to this country like all that stuff like i was
00:55:39
like i was like i can't believe i was going to be okay i was like being the father of a you know like latinx child like i was
00:55:45
just trying to be like all you know like just try to hide the fact that you know i voted for the guy but i was just
00:55:52
i had no idea i was like you know latinx kylie and this is uh horrible and i'm gonna do everything i can as a white man
00:55:58
to make this better for my child and your child and all this stuff and like i swear to god he was just like just
00:56:03
looking at me and goes you're done and i go yeah and then i swear to god out of his he had you know he had walks around he was walking around like a plastic bag
00:56:09
he pulled out a make america great again hat on and he put it down he goes i voted for him i would have voted for him twice
00:56:15
and then i was like oh boy and then and then he died right like a month later that's why he died by that's why he died he was like i'm not he was like i can't
00:56:21
believe my son married my daughter married a gay guy so so he goes up so he passes away right
00:56:29
and then you know obviously jasmine was very upset with suddenly he had a heart attack so we go to the funeral home in brooklyn
00:56:35
and uh uh you know she can't even talk jasmine she's like distraught so we sitting there and going over the funeral
00:56:41
arrangements and she said she's like please just like can you handle this i was like yeah whatever so we're talking and then he go the guy uh the funeral
00:56:49
director italian guy goes uh he goes uh what was what was his political affiliation and jasmine's like well i
00:56:56
don't know why that's important he goes no no i don't want to be disrespectful i just you know what was his political affiliation you know to me and i go is
00:57:02
it okay and she goes uh whatever i go he was you know he voted for donald trump and he goes
00:57:10
and starts clapping and then he goes and he goes he goes listen to me he goes that man voted for
00:57:16
trump and uh we said yeah he goes i'm gonna get the uh
00:57:22
god you know the army the coast guard uh you know that what do you call the uh changing of the guard he goes i'm going
00:57:27
to get them to come they're going to play a thing on the floof yeah he goes he goes we're going to get a full military burial for him full
00:57:34
military barrier he's like that's on me on this funeral home he goes and um he goes i want to get him a wreath and i
00:57:40
want to do something i i want to do something nice for you guys he goes because you know what he goes i had a funeral in here the other day right he
00:57:46
goes these people are going on and on and on he goes about hillary this hillary that and i said to them he goes
00:57:51
i said to them he goes i said you know i'm listening to him he goes you got to be respectful you know people you know people died and you know people get
00:57:57
upset he goes i said them he goes uh he goes you know i'm talking to the guy he goes this [ __ ] guy goes honestly i
00:58:02
don't even know what gender this [ __ ] guy was he goes up talking to this guy he goes he goes he goes i asked him and it's
00:58:09
crazy that he's even saying this to us while she's crying and then even saying this to him well his they just lost a loved one and he's getting into this and
00:58:16
he goes um he goes he goes i said to the guy i go um i go uh i go
00:58:21
be honest with me what's one [ __ ] mistake trump's made so far in three months just tell me one
00:58:27
mistake tell me one [ __ ] thing he did wrong we're proof he goes none of this cnn [ __ ] he goes we're proof tell me
00:58:33
one mistake this guy's made he goes and i'm gonna give you the funeral for free okay i'm gonna give you a funeral for
00:58:39
free if you could come in here tomorrow and show me we're proof one mistake that donald trump's made he goes guess
00:58:45
what they fade they paid full price they paid full price
00:58:50
of course they did full price because you can't prove it bro he came in i swear i've pictures i don't know if i
00:58:56
put it on my instagram i think jasmine asked me to take this it was five years ago anyway six years ago he came in with the wreath dude um it was it was bigger
00:59:03
than this plant like like i've never seen it it was like it looked like a ferris wheel and it said make america great again
00:59:10
i swear to god the family was coming in like jasmine's sister is like very liberal she was like what the [ __ ] who
00:59:17
paid for this she was like is this one of your jokes like they were yelling me i was like he did it he had a cappuccino
00:59:22
machine downstairs in the basement he was like he was like come on he says to me because you want to have a cappuccino and i and i go i go i should say is come
00:59:29
on it goes it's not your real family come on it's not like your dad died come on
00:59:34
he goes i go do this [ __ ] every day you don't really care and i was like you're right yeah
00:59:41
i was like this funeral director what he was [ __ ] amazing and he's like i gotta come and see one of his skits then
00:59:46
he was telling me wild [ __ ] about like how robert de niro's wanted by the [ __ ] mafia and he can't come down the
00:59:51
street he goes if he died he goes if de niro died i wouldn't bury him i wouldn't bury him why because he said he
00:59:58
he said that i don't know if this is true but he said that would finance would finance some of his
01:00:05
movies from the mafia like back in the 90s or 80s whatever would you know uh some of the studios wouldn't give him
01:00:11
the money so he would finance it through the mafia i believe that and he never paid the juice back on he just would take the money and never pay the juice
01:00:17
or they wanted royalties and all this [ __ ] because you know it's not you don't sign a [ __ ] contract with the mafia you sit in an office and you go listen
01:00:23
this movie makes this much you give me the money you shake a hand that's exactly he wouldn't do it you gotta pay the juice you gotta pay the juice robert
01:00:28
de niro and the guffada he's incredible what is that what's up go back why is that a picture of tim dillon and and uh
01:00:34
naomi you'll see podcaster tim dillon slams naomi oh you've never seen that this is profanity
01:00:39
lace rant when was that from um august
01:00:44
he goes that [ __ ] naomi osaka who didn't want to do the interview shut the [ __ ] up uh do the [ __ ] interview dumb [ __ ]
01:00:52
you just tweeted that no that's sweet [Laughter] but but the thing is he gets written up
01:00:58
in these art you know he does so many bits where like he's like i'm having an interview or you ever seen the one like with the ch with the beijing game with
01:01:04
the opening of the olympic games like they wrote him up like like they people think that it's real they don't
01:01:10
understand it's not none of it is real that the weirdest thing is that they'll literally write comedian blah blah blah blah and you're like take
01:01:16
the first word yeah anything else is probably [ __ ] yeah it's probably just us [ __ ] around making a joke
01:01:22
that's so weird that they still do [ __ ] like that though yeah well uh timmy is the best i mean i love the debt yeah he
01:01:29
called last time we were on the show we called in he called my phone and we put him on the show last time he is the best but you know what's so funny that that
01:01:35
is what's bothering me the most about like us doing this show us when bob's here or you know whatever
01:01:41
we're [ __ ] around and then if anybody takes any of that to any sort of level of like they must be being dead serious
01:01:47
you're like this whole thing is for fun it's fun it's for fun it's for [ __ ] fun but the beautiful thing is your fans
01:01:52
know that that's why that's great i know but that's where the yahoo news takes the time out of their [ __ ] day to write about a comedian joking around it
01:01:58
shows they don't have anything else they've got nothing going on you know why because when trump is gone when trump was in man they had so much
01:02:04
[ __ ] material and now they're just like we gotta find something to talk about that guy was a bevy of material you know news sources were they had a
01:02:10
embarrassment of riches they could say anything every single day and because you never really knew what trump stood for because in the in in a one-minute
01:02:16
rant he he literally contradicts he changes so many wild things that you're like all
01:02:21
right you know what i give up i don't even know what he said we'll just wait till what he says tomorrow he's like gays are repulsive also pro gay marriage
01:02:28
yeah wait a minute yeah he goes i was sucking [ __ ] last night i shouldn't be allowed in this country
01:02:34
anymore uh yeah who mexicans gays gay mexicans gay mexicans it is funny how many times he would go
01:02:40
back on something he would say yeah you could that's why i think they never really got him pinned down yeah he just kept flip-flopping that's all you have
01:02:45
to do flip-flop just keep flip-flopping and never they'll never be able to track you down i think that's a honestly an amazing strategy flip-flop yeah well
01:02:52
gotta wait he got away with it for a long time speaking of which you do know carlos you know carlos carlos carlos was a die-hard trump supporter
01:02:59
really die hard die hard yeah he got attacked in the streets for wearing to make america great again hat yeah my dad was pissed i
01:03:05
because a lot of mexicans it's white but i'm mexican so i was a little confused mexican liked trump though right a lot of mexicans like trump he was going to
01:03:11
help build the wall this kid you were going to do my dad works down there by the wall by the wall yeah by the wall yeah because he was that's the thing
01:03:18
with trump is like yes he was saying okay i'm going to build the wall you know and that everyone but what they
01:03:24
don't say is is he said he was going to build the wall to keep the mexicans out but he was going to make it with glory holes so the gays have fun that's right
01:03:30
so he was like i was going to put glory holes in the water get out of there you get your [ __ ] sucked yeah yeah we keep out the bad guys you still get a blowy
01:03:37
yeah that's what it is everyone's stressed out yeah carlos's dad was a coyote who would
01:03:42
sneak immigrants into the country but also worked for border patrol so it was a double he was a double agent [Laughter]
01:03:49
i want to thank fancy b by the way i didn't give enough credit fancy be sitting in for rudy he had to do less work today than he's ever had to do i
01:03:54
ever have to do in his life but he does but you know what he's a vital part of this he's a vital organ in this whole thing and i do think he's losing his job
01:04:01
to carlos i'm not going to lie carlos is taking over well you have a job on the east coast if you'd like one
01:04:06
okay as long as you have a valid number you can't steal my only prereq is he has to have a passport does he have a [ __ ] wikipedia page now oh my god
01:04:14
look at fancy dude go back does he have wikipedia he looks like a villain oh he's imdb you do look like a villain
01:04:19
how do we get a wikipedia page made for him what is that picture right there you look like you were on that true tv show with the magicians that were they were
01:04:26
the ones who were the practical jokers what was it called is that film what is that shot what was that show yeah that's
01:04:31
crazy well did you take that in spain nice look oh that one that one that one oh my
01:04:39
gosh so embarrassing on bad friends court that was great
01:04:44
fancy b everybody i want to thank chrissy d thank you chrissy chaos go to uh patreon.com christy comedy uh watch
01:04:51
chrissy chaos uh watch what um hey babe i was gonna say watch hey babe and christy comedy.com tikiwiki's i
01:04:59
got the christy theater tour everybody the cte tour go see the cte tour this guy's got brain damage and he's bringing it to a city near you if he makes it or
01:05:05
he figures out what town he's in yeah detroit cleveland washington d.c [Music]
01:05:12
atlanta atlanta go to christiecomedy.com to go see this guy live it's so amazing um go ahead and look at your single go
01:05:19
ahead you'll look your camera and say thank you for being a bad friend take us out baby okay let's go brandon thank you for being a bad friend
01:05:28
[Music]
01:05:37
yes [Music]
