00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad
00:00:11
friends. Yeah. What are you doing with the drink? Give it to the king. God. Give the king his drink. Drink, dude.
00:00:18
Give the Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Get him a side table to put that on. Also, hey, hey. Before you do that, wait,
00:00:24
wait, wait. Before you do that, clear off that table. Bow bow to Tom. Take it all off. Bow to Tom. Bow to him. Bow to
00:00:30
top first. Bow to him. Say my lege. I am so My leash say I am so proud to have
00:00:36
met you in person. My lege. I am so proud to have met you. It's just from my homeland. Saki saki. Saki saki. Saki
00:00:41
saki. Okay. No. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Let him put drinks on your back until Carlos can clear off the table. Yeah. Use him as a table.
00:00:47
Yeah. Use him as a table. Yeah. Good boy. I I don't hear anything now. God damn it. Damn it, man. I think he might
00:00:54
have Oh, there we go. Yeah, you just had to. Okay. Yeah. Did you just Did you do that with me? You can bring it down a little. Okay. On the way. High. It's
00:01:01
pretty hot. You can bring it down a little bit. Sorry, sir. Thank you. I was like, are you bath? Yeah. What? Wow.
00:01:09
Whoa. What? What? I just got it. I'm definitely trying to insult our guest. Fancy Spaniard. Yeah, dude. Number one,
00:01:16
we're family. That's number one. Number two, he's the king. Number two. Number
00:01:22
three of death, right? Number three, Andrew's what? Cut of death. Watch your tone, bud. You want to get [ __ ] back?
00:01:29
You want ice? You want me to You want me to send Ice? I have a passport now. What? I'll bring fire, dude. Wait. How
00:01:36
long? It is funny. He is That sounds like That sounds like he just got Did you just get the passport? Yeah. Two
00:01:42
years ago. Oh, okay. Okay. I It sounded like it sounded like it arrived last week. Oh, I have my passport now.
00:01:50
No, he did. He took a citizenship test and he's an American citizen. We're proud of him. But yeah, way to go, man.
00:01:55
So, USA, I'm not USA. Tom, let's introduce our guest. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest today is one of the
00:02:02
most powerful, poignant. It's too much. It's a lot. It's Tom Sigura. No, take
00:02:07
take out Poant. Poant and powerful. He is powerful and poignant. Okay. And he has a show out right now on Netflix
00:02:14
called Bad Thoughts, which we are going to sue for as a bad friend's company man. It's right there. Right. Are there
00:02:21
other words you could have used than bad? There were about 300 that we can
00:02:26
awful thoughts. It could have been atrocious thoughts. Yep. Yeah. Alliteration would have been good. Like
00:02:32
Tyranner terrible thoughts. Little Rex. Well, thought Tyrannosaurus Rex. Yeah. Yeah. Synonyms for bad you could have
00:02:39
used. So, yeah. Zoom in. Zoom in. Uh, substandard. Unacceptable would have been good.
00:02:44
Unacceptable thoughts. Second rate. Oh, yeah. Dreadful. Yeah. Dreadful. Not up to par thoughts. Unlucky thoughts. Grim
00:02:53
thoughts. Have you thought about what you're going to name your special? No, I haven't. Tom, it's one of the worst times you can have. I know. I can't
00:02:59
think of it. I just did mine. I know. I know your your title is I know your title's great. There's this thing, too,
00:03:05
when you uh when you're naming and they pointed this out to me cuz we were submitting just dozens of them. Yeah. Uh
00:03:11
every title sounds fake until it's like official. Like when you're when you're throwing them around, you're like, "That
00:03:16
sounds like a madeup. That doesn't sound real." Well, Catchy BT says Bobby's comedy special should be called Tiger Dad. Unfiltered Kimchi, the Slept King,
00:03:25
Pork Chop Samurai, undiagnosed. Uh, that's the only one. Trauma Llama is
00:03:30
so good. I feel like if if you do go with Still Bobby, you got to do one of these poses.
00:03:38
How about this? Still Bobby. Still Bobby. Yeah. No. Does your title I was thinking about this because you guys are
00:03:45
the pros, correct? And you guys are better than me. That's right. Yeah. As people you're talking about what? As
00:03:51
people. You mean people draw better? As people, as comics, as friends, as uh as
00:03:58
uh actors, as writers, as performers, as Yeah. everything really.
00:04:05
Yeah. You know, take it away. Okay. Now, now go. Yeah. It is so good. Anyway, um,
00:04:10
well, I was going to say, does your title have anything to do with your jokes or your theme, or can it just be
00:04:16
random? It can be anything. All right. Well, why can't I just do the Slept King? You can. Yeah. Yeah. Drama Trauma
00:04:22
Llama is more fun. Yeah, but I don't have jokes about llamas. You I certainly think you could write one. Let's do one
00:04:27
right now. Go ahead. What did the llama say to his twin brother llama? What did he say?
00:04:35
You can open, you know, cuz you're open. Right. That's dead online. What? Go
00:04:40
ahead. Well, the opener is your table setter for the hour. So, that's a good way to start the hour. Let people know what kind of show they're going to see.
00:04:47
Really? Sure. Yeah. Are you Well, listen. You're my You're a better friend than me, right? And you're a better actor and all that stuff he said, right?
00:04:53
But what I'm saying to you is is that are you being real right now? Yeah. You think that joke I just wrote should be
00:05:00
my opening joke for the special? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you might maybe workshop it a little. Um, do Thank you, ladies
00:05:07
and gentlemen. Thanks for coming, man. My first special. Woo! San Diego.
00:05:14
Hey, what's up, Ka Lava? What? Thanks for bringing it up, guy.
00:05:21
You right. What did the one llama say to the Swin Lava, brother? What did he say? What?
00:05:31
Everybody's laughing. Losing it, dude. I'm losing it. My favorite thing you said is it's the table setting for the
00:05:37
entire special and it made me think immediately. I know that's a turn of phrase, but how Bobby has literally never set a table his entire life. It's
00:05:43
I went to etiquette school. No, you didn't. I I I there's a paper in Powe. I
00:05:49
have a clipping of it of me going to etiquette school. They took a photo of me. Why did they take a photo of you going to etiquette school? Because I
00:05:55
didn't know what a fork was. How old were you? 12 or something. And
00:06:01
so I was like there's So yeah, it was like that. And I picked up a fork. What? No, that's not me. Oh, I was picking up
00:06:06
a fork like looking at it like this is a fork. You know what I mean? And I was like, dude, you went to etiquette class for how long? Be honest. For like a
00:06:13
year, we also learned dancing, ballroom dancing. Shut up. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's so funny is that you have none of
00:06:20
none of that is in you or about like when I'm I've you know, I love you and
00:06:25
I've and I've introduced you to different people in my life and all of them are like where's this [ __ ] alien
00:06:31
from? like within minutes. They're like, "This is No, no. [ __ ] off, Tom. I think it's your projection because I'm going
00:06:37
to say something." I'll tell you why. We were in Toronto
00:06:42
backstage. Yeah. And he said the same exact privately. He goes, "Where are you from? You're so weird." Yeah. And I
00:06:49
think that's his own projection. I think I'm normal. Wait, why are you saying he's not projecting? Hilarious. Yeah. Why? What would he be projecting?
00:06:56
Because he's weird. No, I don't think so, dude. You don't think that's weird? I think he's he's about as he's about as
00:07:03
low weird on the weird scale as you are the highest of the weird. What's weird about me though? Oh, what's weird? That
00:07:10
you're Peruvian me, but you look like a white guy. Okay, that's kind of weird. Sure. I would say it was interesting, not weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's more
00:07:16
interesting than weird. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, oh, you're proving proving that's interesting. I didn't know that. Oh, the only guy that lost weight that
00:07:22
looks worse. Wow, dude. Okay. You see what he's doing? And by the by the way,
00:07:28
you look great. He tried to go to battle with Shane Gillis. Didn't end well. So, it didn't end well. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
00:07:33
you know, um here's another thing that you're weird. Yeah. You you you're surprised me. That's weird. Yeah.
00:07:41
Because it's like you're dynamic, but you know, you hide your talents. What are you [ __ ] talking about? I
00:07:47
don't know. I'm just Yeah, it's not working. He's not weird. Look, Carlos weird. He's [ __ ] weird, man. We know
00:07:54
what weird is. We have it all over. Look at the [ __ ] window of weirdos. He said alien. You are quite alien. So I
00:08:00
walk into like a dinner like But here's the thing. You You take this
00:08:05
You always get defensive like it's a like it's a critique, right? But what I'm saying is that it's a celebration
00:08:12
like when people meet you like I we've we've toured together. You came and did
00:08:17
bad thought. You did an episode of Bad Thoughts with me. I have another thing that I have Let him finish. Okay. But go
00:08:23
ahead. So, like in in both scenarios, you know, like I go like, "Oh, here this is my friend Bobby's great comic and
00:08:30
everyone's, you know, it's like, "Oh, cool." Always, if not within the first 20 minutes, within the first few hours,
00:08:37
people pull me aside and they're like, "Yo, this guy's out of his [ __ ]
00:08:42
mind, dude. Story of my [ __ ] life." It's got to be, right? Every day of my life. And why does he react this way,
00:08:48
though? He pretends this is an act. That's a He does this cuz he wants This is him ramping up. You know how like
00:08:54
somebody ramps up? He's ramping up silently. Look at him. Go ahead and say what you
00:08:59
want to say back. He's not critiquing you. He's just giving you the real world. Okay. Okay. Um people used to
00:09:06
call me eccentric. Eccentric. Whatever it is. Yeah, that's a one. And um
00:09:11
espresso. Yeah. And I espresso. Eccentric. Can you get to me? Espresso.
00:09:17
[Laughter] I'm an eccentric.
00:09:24
That's what you should call your special. Eccentric espresso. All right. Okay.
00:09:30
Save to a twin brother. Oh, you're on fire today. Hey, go. So, women used to
00:09:35
go, you're eccentric. And I Googled it and I don't think that I'm any of that. You are eccentric. We've looked it up on
00:09:41
this show. Yeah, but yeah. So, um unconventional and slightly strange. But that's about that's about that's about
00:09:48
society. You like society tells you how to behave one way, right? Not everybody is weird about you. Yeah. That's what
00:09:54
Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal. You are eccentric. We love That's what we like about you. It's the most fun thing. But
00:10:02
I I honestly can I just say Oh, can I just I honestly think that I'm normal for you? You are. Like when I wake up,
00:10:08
you I go, "Oh, normal." You know what I mean? Like No, I don't do that. No. You wear a mask. No, I don't do that. No,
00:10:14
no, no. I go, "Good morning."
00:10:20
No. I go, "Oh, morning." Yeah. Yeah. Like that. Okay. Can I give you an example? Okay. Here's the deal. If I
00:10:28
said to my mom and dad in Chicago, if I said, "To girls coming over for dinner tonight," they'd go, "Oh, wow. Awesome.
00:10:35
Oh my god." You're gonna And then if I say when I said, "Bobby, mom, dad, Bobby's coming over for dinner." My mom
00:10:41
goes, "Really? What is he? Okay, that's a fact. They
00:10:48
were there. All right. When I went to your [ __ ] Thanksgiving [ __ ] dinner, right? Yeah. Wasn't I polite?
00:10:53
You were a joy. Oh my [ __ ] You were putting on I am. You were putting on.
00:10:58
You were That's who I am. I'm a normal dude. How much of an act was he [ __ ] putting on? It was unbelievable. You
00:11:04
were watching football with his dad. It's such [ __ ] Cuz that's what I do in my normal life, dude. He's such a
00:11:09
liar. You've watched football before? No. No. But like but it's like oh the Kansas City Chiefs are playing the
00:11:14
Philadelphia Philadelphia. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you know cuz they
00:11:20
should change the name. No they did. They changed it. Philadelphia Skyhawks. Whatever they are. The Skyhawks. So um
00:11:26
Yeah. It's so close. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. I think it's Eagles. Hey, there we go. You got it. Okay. Maybe some
00:11:31
football team. You want to guess? Pittsburgh. Steelers.
00:11:36
Very good. Very good. Detroit. Lions. Chicago.
00:11:41
Gotta know that. Bears. Arizona. That's a tricky. Cardinal. Oh, that's good. Wow. You know them all. So, that's my
00:11:48
point. I'm I act like this in show business areas. Good for you. Right. So,
00:11:54
like, you know, I met Chuck Lori the other day. You know what I mean? Brag.
00:11:59
Big brag. Met. Was it a general? Like, was it a No, we were just hanging out. Where? Oh,
00:12:05
we were just hanging out. Me and Chuck Lori. And I act weird around him because I'm like, "Use me as in a
00:12:12
sitcom." Five and a half guys or whatever, you know what I mean? And so it's like um I act I can see myself like
00:12:19
my brother does it. My brother acts weird in front of you. He he's that's not who he is. Right. I've seen both
00:12:25
sides of your brother. Yeah. So it's like I think that I kind of like accentuate certain things you play it
00:12:32
up, right? Yeah. That's normal though. Thank you so much. Okay. I have a qual with you. Tell me. Okay. Okay. So, this
00:12:39
fool, right? I You know what? I don't I'll bring it up privately. No, do it now.
00:12:47
You might as well do it now. That look was [ __ ] You have a look now, Dan. Now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your look
00:12:55
now is improved dramatically. What do you mean? He can look at me with an eye.
00:13:00
Mhm. Or both eyes if you may. Mhm. And you can go. Do you see when I shut the
00:13:06
[ __ ] up? Oh, yeah. But I wasn't doing that. He didn't do that though. Tell me what the I'm curious as to what your
00:13:12
qual is. Okay. Oh, check this out, dude. This is so funny. What? Here's here. I'm Bobby.
00:13:20
Making it up. No, I'm not I'm not making I'm not making up. I'm making it up right now in my head. Making it up. I'm
00:13:26
making it up. I'm [ __ ] making it up right now in my head. Go. I'm not going to say it. Oh, come on. Come on, dude.
00:13:33
Don't do this. Just do it. What's your qual, please? What did So, um, what a que was that you called me. Yeah. Hey,
00:13:39
I'm doing a project, right? Mhm. And I go and you called me FaceTime. Mhm. So
00:13:46
then I went to your bad thoughts thing. Yeah. And I went to the director. I'm like, "Oh, this of the project that
00:13:52
you're doing." And I go, "Am I I'm in it, right?" He's like, "We'll see."
00:13:58
Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand. Hold on one second. I'm just gonna Who said I'm just going to give this story the light?
00:14:05
Is this Is that it? Wait, you went to the premiere. That's what you're saying. And
00:14:11
you were worried you weren't in it. You're in the [ __ ] show. No, it was a different project. Oh, what? The movie?
00:14:19
The movie? Okay. You called me movie and then when I went to the and talked to the director, he made it seem like I wasn't in it. Maybe you're not. What did
00:14:26
he say? He goes, "We'll," maybe he was joking like, "We're going to have to audition or something, but you know what
00:14:31
I mean." Yeah. Interesting. Were you good in the movie, do you think? We haven't done it yet. So, what the [ __ ]
00:14:37
are you talking about? He's He's talking about that there's a movie coming up. Yeah. That your offer is coming this week for. Yeah.
00:14:49
And he's Oh, wow. I, you know, I believe that,
00:14:55
you know. Yeah. He'll turn it down. But um he might. You know how he does. You know what I mean? He just might. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? Not we can't
00:15:02
all do karate ghost. You're karate ghost,
00:15:09
dude. This guy. What's karate ghost? My favorite
00:15:15
thing about Bobby sometimes Bobb's like, "Don't do the Asian accent anymore, man. I'm trying to get away from that kind of shit." And I'm like, "Okay, fine. What
00:15:21
did you do this week?" He's like, "I shot karate ghost." What is that? Deadline. Yeah, it's not
00:15:26
deadline. Belushi, Bobby Lee, uh, and who else? Tim Rosen, Colton Gobo. Those
00:15:32
are fake names. Those are AI. Well, that dude right there is in the new Karate Kid movie. I know, buddy. I'm just
00:15:38
teasing. Okay. God, wait. So, have you Is this I shot it already. And Steve How's in it, too? Is it just your voice?
00:15:45
No. No. I'm literally in it. But like
00:15:52
stop it. What the [ __ ] It's a good movie. It's gonna be big. How was it? How was it?
00:15:59
Steve How's in it? By the way, here's how I know Steve How's in it. What? Steve Howey called me. Uh I was at the
00:16:05
gym and he they called me to say, "Hey man, did Bobby change his number? I can't get through to him at all." I was like, "You got the right number, buddy."
00:16:11
Yeah. Yeah. I texted him back though. You did? Finally. We called him. Yeah, I called him. Yeah. Yeah. Set in a town
00:16:16
ruled by an absurd karate law, the film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bond with the ghost of his late father's
00:16:22
favorite action hero. Is that right? Yeah. And then you're the you're the fake No, I play a sensei.
00:16:30
I do a thick Asian accent. I do a thick Asian accent. I was going to say, how's your English
00:16:35
in it? Is it the kind we all want to hear?
00:16:42
the you all right but it's based on a popular uh comic book right in a video
00:16:49
game so here's the deal okay I [ __ ] look at you in that IMDb photo that's great
00:16:56
man this guy's killing it man yeah that one that was from a long time ago 1996
00:17:03
that's when VH1 was still on the air so handsome okay anyway this is what happened Tom, kick punch. I had to
00:17:10
fight. You had You had a Tell me you had one. Come on, dude. I
00:17:17
feel so defenseless. I'm being I'm being bullied by both of you. Do you deserve this? I do. I think you do. I do. Go
00:17:23
ahead. I apologize. That's fine. Okay. I didn't show up to a meeting. You?
00:17:31
Yeah. What was it at noon or something? You're like, "This is 10 a.m. in the morning." 10 10:30. Carlos and I were on
00:17:37
the phone with Ireland. We were zooming with Ireland doing morning press. And uh they were like, "Uh, where's Bobby? Is
00:17:44
Bobby? Is Bobby going to be coming with you?" Yeah. I was like, "Well, he's not at my house. We have two separate homes, so I don't know where." And they're
00:17:49
like, "Really? Can you get a hold of Bobby?" And I was like, "I can't. We can't get a hold of Bobby." Yeah. How mad were you? We had this planned for
00:17:55
weeks. How mad? How mad were you? They said, "You're right, Irishman. We have had this planned for weeks." "Yeah, I can't believe Bobby's not on the call."
00:18:00
I was like, "I can't either." You know what, dude? He never does stuff like this. And the Irishman goes, "Ah, that's
00:18:06
so disappointing that I thought we'd get you together and you'd be goofing together." And I said, "Me too. Me too, bud. Me too." I know how many times I
00:18:13
have to [ __ ] apologize for it. Um, Karate Ghost. Can we not talk about
00:18:18
Karate Ghost? I didn't want to finish the story. You didn't even tell me, by the way. Well, about what? Well, you I you had asked me and and you know about
00:18:26
about you and bad thoughts and like, "Is it funny? Is it good?" And I was like And then I was like, "Thank you so much for doing it." Did you watch it? The You
00:18:32
know, he didn't watch it. You didn't watch it? No [ __ ] chance. You didn't watch yourself? No. No. Okay. What I So,
00:18:40
what happened was this. Okay. What happened was I'll tell you what happened. So, Gilbert from Tiger Belly,
00:18:46
correct? I made him watch it. Mhm. So, he saw the whole show. So, you paid another guy to watch your scene for you
00:18:52
and then before cuz you know what I mean? And he goes, "Your sketches is not as strong, you know, as the other
00:18:58
sketches." Is it your fault? I know. Just listen to what I'm saying, Tom. I don't want you. All right. So what I'm
00:19:04
saying is that and so I'm like, "Oh, but I have to say I've got gotten a lot of
00:19:09
textes how great I was in it. You're so funny in it." So my point is is that Thank you so much. Okay. You were you
00:19:15
were really great in it, honestly. Thank you. Why Why didn't you want to watch it? Andrew, do you watch everything
00:19:21
you're in? No, but I watch everything you're in. I know. And I watch Nikki.
00:19:29
Did you? Nikki Sneaki. Yeah. What's What's it about? It's about golf, baby. That's right. Yeah. Very good. Say less.
00:19:36
Anyway, um so um I don't watch things that I'm in. Me neither. I agree. Right. But um sometimes I force myself to. You
00:19:44
know what I mean? I'm trapped into it. You're going to be happy with yourself in this one day when you see it. You're
00:19:49
very funny in it. Also, um if if it was shown at the premiere, I would have been
00:19:56
forced to watch it. But it's like um but based on the other sketches on the show,
00:20:02
let me say this. Okay, I was talking to my date um about it and I go, number
00:20:08
one, I've never seen anything like it. Okay, number two, it's shot like a film.
00:20:13
Number three, it's crazy funny. So, what I'm saying is that um thank you for putting me in it. Yeah. Yeah. Um I think
00:20:20
it's uh it's prestigious.
00:20:28
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00:22:53
We're not doing that [ __ ] movie anyway. I was considering it. No chance. I drew a promise. Yeah. Yeah. You know
00:22:59
when he chases This is a funny I bet you I I wonder if your guys do this like after the show's done. You know, we're
00:23:05
done. We're wrapping up. We're saying goodbye. And then he'll they'll follow you to your car to ask you one thing not in front of everybody else. Yeah. He's
00:23:11
like, "Andrew. Andrew." And he chased me to the parking lot. I go, "What's up, man?" He's like, "Well, just wondering."
00:23:16
And as he's doing this, I'm getting into my car. I'm I'm already gone. You know what I mean? I'm like, "I'm leaving." You know what I mean? It's like a kid
00:23:22
being like, "When will you be back, Dad?" I'm like, "I'm I'm not coming back, buddy. Your mom has you now." And he goes, "We maybe do you think you will
00:23:29
be in the movie? Maybe." What did I say? I said, "Yes, for sure." I said, "Of course I will." Yeah. But you're not.
00:23:35
This is a movie. Yeah. There's no way. Yeah. There's no [ __ ] way, dude. Yeah. He went to film school, whatever.
00:23:40
[ __ ] Total [ __ ] [ __ ] We had a real director here two weeks ago. Yeah, we had David Mammon sitting in this man work with this [ __ ] guy. We
00:23:48
are We're going to do your movie and I can't wait to do it. I'm excited to do it. Andrew, I hope you consider the movie that we're I've I don't know, man.
00:23:56
You know what? What? I am very excited to even We don't have You have to They have to tell me. No one's told me anything. No, it's coming this week. Oh,
00:24:02
it is. It's I swear to you it's coming. Wait, wait. Are you being [ __ ] No, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Right. And I
00:24:09
don't like your mischievous smile. Why? Okay. Are you saying to me this? Okay.
00:24:14
Tell me. And I'll be open. Yes. And I'll accept it. Okay. What you're telling me,
00:24:20
Mr. Sigura, is that you're going to offer him a part in your movie.
00:24:26
Okay. Yes. Through his agency. Yes. Right. Are my agents going to call me? You're
00:24:33
You're going to audition for it? Um I uh to be hon I I I love you so
00:24:41
much. We we did Indian seances in Canada. Mhm. Right. We've gone through
00:24:47
so much together. Yeah. What are you asking? Ultimately, what are you asking? Am I going to get an offer? Oh, you want
00:24:53
to get an offer for the for the movie? Yeah, cuz you're getting one. We don't know that. He just said it. We don't know that. Okay. Hypothetically, would I
00:25:00
get one? Not hypothetically. Am I getting one? I don't I don't know yet.
00:25:06
I I cuz I Why you did a good job at that thought? It's not like that. It's not
00:25:11
like that. You don't understand, man. You don't There's a lot of It's not me going him. Yes. Him. No. It's not like
00:25:17
that. Oh, you I don't think I You don't think I know how movies work. Well, then why are you yelling? Look at my IMDb guy. Let's look at Let's check out his
00:25:23
IMDb. Oh, here we go. Now you're going to [ __ ] shame me, dude. No. What's your problem? He's probably You're probably going to get something. You
00:25:29
never know. Okay, let's see this IMDb. No, I'm just kidding. Sorry. Look at that. Stacked
00:25:37
[ __ ] Stacked. So many. What else do you need? God damn. Look at that right
00:25:43
there. Kicking it old school. Chilly chill. I mean, it never ends. They got What's your favorite thing that's on there? Do you have one favorite? He's
00:25:49
got to fix the mic. Bad thoughts. Oh, stop. Yeah. Hello. I know. Listen, I'm being real. Uh, yeah. Let's be real for
00:25:56
a second. Um, I know how the biz works and um, do you?
00:26:02
He's a great actor. Yeah. And I understand why you would and um, I'll catch you on the flip side of it. On the
00:26:09
flip side? Yeah. Yeah. I'll catch you on the flip side. But it's not like it's definitely not like Yeah. Um, but you
00:26:15
know, um, I'm going to Can I cut this off and change this change the subject? I want to say something. Okay, let's get
00:26:22
real. We are a little heartbroken. We do. We do miss you. It's a little annoying that everyone left us. Can we
00:26:29
be honest and tell our friends everybody left us? We're here alone on this little island.
00:26:35
Yeah. Also, it's going to die out there. Oh, he Yeah, he's been he's been he's trying to curse it. Well, he was telling
00:26:41
me that in 2020, right? He's like, "You don't feel the [ __ ] wave coming back
00:26:47
here right now." I go, "No, no, I did say that." Huh. Oh, you did? No. You
00:26:52
know what? I think we're jealous. It's not jealous. We miss our friends. I miss That's the thing. It's like when the
00:26:57
half the community moves, you know what I mean? You It's like Game of Thrones.
00:27:02
Yeah. It was so fun, by the way, to be in this the store the other night when we ran into each other in the store.
00:27:08
That was such a fun night though. That was a fun night. Felt like the old days. I remember the old days. You know what I mean? I remember when Rogan was there.
00:27:14
You all these guys, you know what I mean? Seth Seth Rogan. Yeah. Yeah. And all those guys. God, you're so quick
00:27:21
today. Thanks, man. God, you're so good. You turn it up. Good sleep. Yeah. Did you? Not really. I can tell. Why? Cuz
00:27:28
your demeanor. Oh, my demeanor is off. You're slower today. You sound slurry.
00:27:33
Really? It's early for you. Yeah, it's early for me. Wait, how? This is early.
00:27:38
Very early. Oh, yeah. Too early. What's a normal wake up time? I know we've talked about it, but I don't remember.
00:27:44
Yeah. Um, no. When I have nothing Yeah. When I when when I have nothing to do
00:27:51
um Right. Twice when I have nothing. Dude,
00:27:57
how funny is that? How funny is that for you to [ __ ] say that to me in front of my [ __ ] When when I have nothing
00:28:04
to do, we have so much going on. And it's so funny. What he's saying is when Andrew has all the stuff to do and I
00:28:10
don't do any of it, I get to [ __ ] sleep till 5. It's amazing. That's insane, bro. He sleeps till 400 p.m. and
00:28:16
then we shoot at 6:00 or 7:00 p.m. usually. I don't have children. Neither do I. We have We have jobs. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:22
Yeah. Wait, so what? To get up at 4, what time did you go to sleep, though? Well, last night, for instance, if I may. Yeah. You know what I mean? You
00:28:28
may. All right. So, I'm So, I'm playing I I was playing Oblivion, but watching
00:28:33
House of the Dragon at the same time. Oh, double down. Yeah, I was doubling down again. You know what I mean? But with Oblivion, I can just wander, right?
00:28:40
You don't need to really be pick up mushrooms. You know what I mean? You know, you're foraging and stuff. Well, I'm an alchemist in the game, so like I
00:28:48
like making potions and stuff, you know what I mean? You're quite the alchemist in the real world as well, my Yeah. And then taking grand soul gems triggering
00:28:53
me to black soul gems. You know what I mean? Why are you But you are slurring. Is that from a thing? I I haven't slept
00:28:59
good last night. Okay. It's not like a neurological condition or something. Are you being [ __ ] real right now? You
00:29:04
think I'm slurring? Well, you said I'm mushrooms and I Yeah, you did slur. Okay. He is right. Or I'll be more clear
00:29:11
then. Okay. Okay. All right. So, what I'm gonna say just make dumb Let me finish. Let me finish. Okay.
00:29:18
So then um then the birds tweet tweet tweet chirp chirp. Very good. Chirp
00:29:25
chirp chirp chirp chirp. Right. Sounds like I'm teaching you English. Yeah, you're right. Then I literally had 1 hour sleep last night. I know. Wait a
00:29:31
minute. Yeah. So what? Wait, you're playing the game. The
00:29:36
mo movie's on. TV show. TV show. And then what? It's It's 5 6 a.m. Later. 56
00:29:43
a.m. Okay. And then I go bath time. He takes a bath. He loves
00:29:48
morning baths. So, I have buckets in the bathtub and also my tree tea oil. Tea
00:29:55
tree. Whatever. We're going to figure it all out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tea tree. Tea tree oil. Yeah. Yeah. So, I had 1 hour
00:30:01
of sleep. So, I'm like really tired right now. Did you go on a date? Were you on a date last night, though? Did No. No date. Don't lie. Swear to God.
00:30:07
Wait, so the bath is over around 7:00 8:00 a.m.
00:30:14
Then then do you get It's called a Korean ritual. Okay. Okay. Do you get body scrubbed too? You got scrubbed. So,
00:30:19
I have two scrubbers. One for my feet. Yeah. And one for all my whole body. What are the buckets for in the tub?
00:30:26
Because when you do Yeah. Right. Then I take the bucket, fill it with
00:30:32
warm water, and I pour it over my back. Oh, wow. You're super Korean. Yeah.
00:30:37
Yeah. Yeah. Then I lay there, listen to music, and then by the then it's 10. Then it's
00:30:45
10. Yeah. Then it's now it's 10, man. Now it's 11, right? That's when I'm on
00:30:50
the call with Ireland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly. And then what happens is I hear my dogs. Yeah. In
00:30:57
the backyard cuz my bedroom, you know, I have a pool and a really nice backyard. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to flex
00:31:02
that hard. He does, too. Oh, I took a shot yesterday. Yeah, we know.
00:31:08
And now I'm like, "Oh my god, the dogs are running around. I'm [ __ ] right? They're hungry. They have to eat and piss." So then I double checked my
00:31:14
[ __ ] phone to see if the alarm is on. Mhm. It was. It was on. Yeah. Yeah. And
00:31:21
then I went to sleep. Okay. So what's up? What's up, bra? What's up? What? You
00:31:27
got a problem with that, Bra? So that's about 11:30 or so. No, that's a normal day. You're not a weird guy.
00:31:36
Okay. But normally do like for instance the karate ghost week. Yeah. Well, you're filming is a different thing. So,
00:31:42
if I have a 5 a.m. call time, I'm there. Yeah. I was going to say, how do you how hard is it for you to pivot when you're
00:31:48
working in a production and you I don't sleep. You just don't. I just show up like [ __ ] no sleep. So, you show up
00:31:54
and then But then if I have two days in a row, then that night I'll sleep at 7, right? You'll just pass. Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:59
Yeah. And he knows the lines. Yeah. He's a pro. I do. I know my lines. He'll show up knowing the lines. That is a fact. He
00:32:05
does show up knowing the lines. And he shows up on time. You know, you know what I'm getting better at, though? Memorizing lines when I'm there.
00:32:12
[Laughter] It's giving you more incentive to not memorize lines. No, no, I'm just saying I still memorize them, but there was one
00:32:18
day where I was like I was so tired. I'll just do it in the morning. Right. Right. And it was a lot of pages. Oh
00:32:25
[ __ ] And I could just do it quickly. You know what? What? You're really solidifying your offer from the new movie.
00:32:31
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. That's just I just get panicked if you're like, "Well, you're the lead. You're number one on the call sheet for that." Yeah.
00:32:38
Yeah. So, you have a lot of lines. That's true. And that horror movie you did really good. Yeah. I think the the
00:32:44
best number. What was that movie called? What? The one that I had a role in. Yeah. The you were like the um VHS
00:32:49
clerk. Oh, Countdown. Countdown. Yeah. Yeah. Bring it up. I want to see a photo of I love that movie. Yeah. When I saw
00:32:55
cigar cuz I watch every horror movie. Typing his name with the countdown. Actually, that the the scene for me went
00:33:00
is uh there he is. No, but the acting the scene with the um next to it. Yeah.
00:33:06
in the cell that goes like that's like even like hood clips will replay it cuz
00:33:12
people love a customer service guy being like hey [ __ ] off I love I love honestly I loved your move
00:33:19
scenes in that movie. Oh thanks man. Yeah yeah thanks. But yeah um that is on hood clips 100%. That's world star's
00:33:26
favorite [ __ ] They're like hey and then people comment like well she deserves it. She was talking [ __ ] Yeah [ __ ]
00:33:31
deserved that [ __ ] Get up out my [ __ ] man's face. Yeah man. Yeah.
00:33:36
Uh, too much. You did it. I know, but it was We're doing it in context. You know what I mean? Oh, well. No, that's good.
00:33:43
All right. Okay. You know, my favorite thing to watch is, by the way, it's graduation season and black graduation
00:33:48
is the greatest thing in the world. Have you watched black high school graduations? They're losing their mind. The most fun I've ever seen. That one
00:33:54
where it was like all women just Oh, bro. [ __ ] absolutely going [ __ ] off. Chaos. Give me videos. Go to
00:34:02
YouTube. Go to YouTube and just do black graduation celebration. Oh, it's Yeah, it's wild. And then sometimes it goes
00:34:08
from these incredible like dance, you know, like celebratory things to just an allout riot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a fist
00:34:15
fight. Yeah. It's a amazing amazing. You know what they call that? Huh? Joy.
00:34:20
Yeah. Joy and happiness. You went to college, Tom? Look at this. Look.
00:34:25
[Music] Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
00:34:33
Hey. Hey. Hey, that's so good, bro. I [ __ ] love this. Unbelievable. I
00:34:39
[ __ ] love this so much. [Music]
00:34:46
Damn, dude. Oh my god, it's so good. It's so good. This is it. My grandma. All right, that's And then And then a
00:34:52
white person has to ruin it with salt. Tumeric. That kid's moves were so [ __ ] good.
00:34:58
So good. But I'm saying though, how how has this not been how is this now? It's just like new to us. I know. Well, you
00:35:05
guys are white people are stiff and they don't know joy. You don't think white
00:35:10
people know joy, right? At a level, you think Asian graduations
00:35:16
are are buck like that? Are you out of your [ __ ] mind? What do you mean? You think an Asian graduation celebration
00:35:21
would be [ __ ] wild. Asian graduation. Okay, look. Okay, look up the Oh, hold on. Carlos, Carlos, look at me. They go
00:35:28
direct. Look up um the graduation where people can wear whatever they want in Japan. Go ahead. I'm going to prove you
00:35:35
wrong for once in my life. What is it? Hello Kitty [ __ ] all over the [ __ ] place. No, just listen. Yeah, it's so
00:35:41
people can anything in your graduation. At Kyoto University, graduation isn't
00:35:46
just about formal robes. It's a celebration of individuality. instead of sticking to the usual capsule. That's
00:35:52
joy, dude. Students at this Japanese university have the You guys are so
00:35:57
repressed as a culture that you're like you have to dress up like weird fantasy
00:36:03
creatures. Yeah. In order to like feel something. No, it's expression. No, because they're not allowed to express
00:36:08
any other time of day. They have to be head down on the train, quiet. Okay. Is this a Look at And they also wore masks
00:36:15
that you can't even actually express yourself in. Right. Like mascot helmet. Yeah, but but with the head helmet on
00:36:22
and off, it's the same thing. Their faces are the same. This is repression. This is heavy repression. Oh, is this oppression?
00:36:31
What is that? It's a ninja. Oh my god, dude. That's
00:36:37
expression. What's your little sarcastic
00:36:42
bomb? That's expression. Oh, that's Nagasaki.
00:36:48
Was it a joke or was that not like Hiroshima? Oh, that was more Hiroshima. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was
00:36:54
definitely Hiroshima. Yeah. The the cloud was big. Don't even try Don't try to play like you're Asians are stiff as
00:37:00
[ __ ] whites. The black people celebration is individual to them. You don't get to [ __ ] You don't get to be on that side.
00:37:07
Will you for once cuz you've been it's been the duo. Yeah. Against Papa. That's
00:37:13
[ __ ] So what I'm saying is for once Yeah. Is that a form of expression? Is that a form of expression? Yes. Yeah. I
00:37:19
mean, it's it's very repressed expression, but yes, it is an expression. This does not happen at
00:37:26
Korean graduate. This is [ __ ] This is Japan. You don't get to do that. Okay. We're just we're talking about I I like
00:37:32
the Korean kids smiles at graduation. Yeah. It's just Hey, hey, no. All right.
00:37:39
Don't smile. Now, give me a wild white [ __ ] graduation celebration shooting guns at each other.
00:37:47
Yeah. She's like, "Hey, I'm going to wear my blue."
00:37:52
Yeah. No, my case was black people celebrate like no one else. You can't lump Asians into there. Yeah. I'm just
00:37:59
You guys don't do it like we're in the mid. If blacks are tens, we're fives. You're zero. You're above whites. Yes.
00:38:05
That Thank you. That's all I want. But you're not near them, are they? Yeah, they're above whites for their celebrating. Uh, I would say for their
00:38:12
um uh oddity, their culture of oddity. They're weirdos. Oh, right. Yeah, they're weirdos. Yeah, you [ __ ] the
00:38:19
weirdos right here. Yeah, that you know, I just got it. It's your American lens.
00:38:26
You're [ __ ] American. Okay, so what I'm saying to you, you're from San Diego. You know, that's about the
00:38:31
whitest place on planet Earth. Um, you have to wear a new pair of glasses. I I
00:38:36
I got LASIC. No, no. I'm just saying you have to look at life with a different lens. Go on. A different perspective.
00:38:43
Well, teach me. What I'm saying is is that, you know, I mean, culturally, you know, I mean, we're Americans, right? I
00:38:49
dabble in Asian, though. I dabble in Asian as well. And what you do you
00:38:54
dabble in Asian? Oh, yeah. you know, when I, you know, the way I
00:39:00
walk and the way I behave, maybe it's a cultural thing that I'm from Asia and it's a Bobby Lee thing and you perceive
00:39:07
it as to be, you know, I mean, weird. You're one of when I'm just one of a billion. Nobody's like you. No, I don't
00:39:13
think so. No, nobody's like you, dude. I have met other Asians. None of them are. None of them are like you. Jimmy O Yang,
00:39:18
nothing like you. Well, I was molested [Laughter]
00:39:24
and beat by my dad. Well, that's white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, you are like us. That's our thing. Hey, you need to go
00:39:31
back to etiquette school if we're being honest. Yeah, you do. Really? I think you should probably do a little course.
00:39:37
Hey, where are you going to go now? No, I'm just going to tell I'm not going to hack you. I'm walking into a dinner. Oh,
00:39:42
he's walking into a dinner. Anybody order Chinese?
00:39:48
Hey, buddy. Hello, sir. How you doing? Excuse me.
00:39:55
Wow. Wow. What do you think? It looked good. Thank you. That was really respectful. Yeah. Very. And like like
00:40:02
your Thanksgiving thing, my Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. Yeah. What a lovely time. So, he was super polite
00:40:07
there, dude. It was so [ __ ] annoying. My mom literally goes, "It was so good that everyone came over." I was like,
00:40:13
"No, it was nice." And she was like, "And Bobby, oh, so, you know, he's so sweet." And I was like, "You have no
00:40:19
[ __ ] idea, dude." It was such an act. It was such a [ __ ] act. He had that
00:40:24
glimmer in his eye like when he said goodbye, he turned to me. He was like, "Okay, bye." And then you're me. He turned and was went like this.
00:40:32
[ __ ] devil. Yeah. What did What about my prayer? Oh, dude. He He said, "Dude,
00:40:37
I did tell Tom I did a Thanksgiving prayer at the table." Oh my god. How great was it? It was You know, you know,
00:40:44
it was him. Are you still married to that lady? Yeah. He's the best. Yeah. Yeah. I saw her in the You got to get
00:40:50
out of that, dude. Dude, you got to get out of that, dude. No, she's still there. Kids aside, but you've won the
00:40:57
lottery in a way. In a way. Yeah, you have a [ __ ] rad wife. She's awesome. Not but just not just that is like if I
00:41:03
was dating a comic or you mean or married to one. Mhm. It's rare to find a
00:41:09
super funny one and ones that last. I know this is cornball [ __ ] but honestly, I'm always It is funny. You
00:41:15
two, the only other comic couples that's married, and obviously you've been married much longer, Mosha Natasha.
00:41:20
Yeah. And Oh, you're talking about comics. Comics that are married. Yeah. Mark Norman and
00:41:26
his Mark Norman and his wife. Yeah, that's right. Comics. But that's also new. They've been married for way longer. Um Andy and um Rose Rose Butt
00:41:36
Baker comics. Newer. Newer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's the other
00:41:42
um fun game. [ __ ] This is too many more people than I thought. Isn't Hannah uh
00:41:48
Oh, Hannah Burner and her husband. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Yeah. Both good standups.
00:41:54
Yeah. Yeah. What I'm saying, what are these lists person?
00:41:59
Yeah. It's wrong. But the but but the proof is the point is it's incredible that you two have stayed together. Yeah.
00:42:05
This long being both comedians and both reserving your career and no one had to stop. But all those examples is that
00:42:12
they all are both funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? I've never seen like a really great comic day marry an open
00:42:19
micer. You know what I mean? That wouldn't work. I don't think it would work. Bad friends.
00:42:26
You might. Okay. Anyway, um you might have a
00:42:33
herum. So it does. Yeah. But you guys are together.
00:42:41
And that's great. What to celebrate that? Christine is great. She's awesome, man. We [ __ ] We love her. We love her. And she good actress. She was great
00:42:47
in basketball. Yeah. Great mom. Great [ __ ] Yeah. She's the best, man. But honestly, be real with us. Yeah. You
00:42:54
don't miss us at all? I miss you guys. Crazy. Can I tell you this too? This is also totally sincere. Mhm. Man, this
00:43:00
show is so [ __ ] funny. Like this [ __ ] dumb show. This dumb show. This is the only [ __ ] one of the only things
00:43:07
that like you know we all are scrolling all the time. I watch every clip you guys. Ah Tommy, come on. You know what?
00:43:14
I would share the same sentiment, but I can't watch Bort. No, I'll watch you. I can't watch Bort. Yeah. Yeah. We don't
00:43:20
even see [ __ ] Bert Bert anymore. I'm joking around Bert. Oh, yeah. Bert's I can't even see Bert anymore because of his appearance. Yeah. I can't be near
00:43:27
him. No, we never see him [ __ ] anymore. He's the only guy that stayed in LA. And how often do you see Bert for
00:43:32
real? Not much. I went over to his house. We had a little get together. You came. But then outside of that, I He's
00:43:39
never here. But do you really miss us? You miss your friends? I do a lot. Tom, we do a lot actually. It kind of sucks.
00:43:44
Remember I did a little dance when you were sitting back there? Yeah. So he's in the sitting in the back bucket
00:43:50
booths. I can hear a word you just said. Yeah. He's in the back boo like the little chairs in the back. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:56
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00:45:17
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00:45:22
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00:46:31
podcast and for keeping Bobby Lee hard. Yeah. Crank it up, man. Let's go. All
00:46:36
right. So, anyway, um um I was hitting in the back. Yeah. And I I and I walked in. I did a little dance in front of
00:46:41
you. You did? Because of I was so happy to see you. Yeah. It really was. It was fun memories, man. Being there was super
00:46:48
fun. It's a The store is not the same, but it's okay. Things change. They come and they go. Are you going up with the
00:46:55
mothership a lot or no? Well, I've been on tour so much that I'm not one of those people when you know you get off
00:47:00
of a a week of grinding, you get home, you're like, I got to get back on stage right away. I don't do that, Bobby. Um
00:47:07
Yeah, you you're that you'll always just get up. You'll just go go. You'll just do it again. That's good. That's good. I
00:47:12
I still go. I went two weeks ago. Yeah. Um, so it's just like depends on the time, but you know, this summer I'm not
00:47:19
going to tour. So if I'm What's on the what's on the what's on the docket for the summer? Vacay. A little vacay and
00:47:25
the and then we shoot something. Can we guess what the vac whether he's going to vacation? Let's guess. Oh, Bora Bora.
00:47:32
No, I don't know where that is. Something more elevated. That's in Tahiti. That is okay. Elevated. Well,
00:47:37
I'm going to say this about him. Mhm. We did a show in Vegas. We went to that
00:47:43
Joseé Anders, what's her name? Jose Andre. Andreas. Hey. Hey. [ __ ] hometown guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I go I
00:47:51
thought to myself, "Oh, this is how he eats." What do you mean this is how he eats? High level.
00:47:57
Huh? High level. High level food. High level everything. How much How much did he order? I don't remember. It was No,
00:48:04
it was a You order for everybody? Yeah, we had a feast. We It was a feast. It was the greatest steak I've ever had.
00:48:12
ever. I think so because it was the way it because they gave us a plaque. You
00:48:17
know, sometimes when you get like Japanese Wagyu Mhm. He just says it on the menu. This dude came up with an
00:48:25
authentic like a stamp. Yeah. From some Asian dude. He stamped the Wagyu. No, from the Asian dude. It was like gold
00:48:32
like, you know, like Game of Thrones where you would like, you know what I mean? Put like, you know, wax to hold it
00:48:38
together or whatever. And it was like signed by some Japanese dude. You know what I remember about this dinner too?
00:48:44
It was a big dinner. It was probably like 15 of us or something. And we had a
00:48:50
security guy like assigned to us for this weekend. Yeah. And uh he was like he came over to me. I thought he was
00:48:56
going to tell me like something related to he goes uh uh is it cool if my uncle comes by? And I go what? He goes he goes
00:49:04
just to like uh you know meet you. And I go are you working right now? And he was like, "What' you say?" I said, "Of
00:49:11
course." And then and then um you know, we're having dinner and then the security guy and then there's just some
00:49:17
guy just Yeah. And showed up. He goes, "Uh, could you come over here?" Oh, you like
00:49:23
get up from eating. I got up from the table and I was like, "What's up, man?" He goes, "Hey." I go, "Hey." He goes,
00:49:30
"Yeah, I live here." I go, "Cool. I'm having dinner." Wow. Wow. Did he sit down with us? No, he did not sit down.
00:49:36
He's been funny as [ __ ] if he sat down. Oh my god. Can I get a plate? You're like, I guess, dude. He showed me like photos of some [ __ ] he's working on.
00:49:43
This is at the restaurant at like during I love this guy. I like when people are bold like that. I [ __ ] think that's
00:49:49
funny. You think so? I think it's funny. It was very funny. I think it would bother you. I'd laugh about it, but we talk [ __ ] about it both. Yeah, you talk.
00:49:55
But it's also hilarious. What circumstance would you not take a photo with somebody? Dude, I've obviously
00:50:02
funeral. No, that's my I look my best. I'm wearing a suit. in a [ __ ] suit. Take a photo. I don't have that thing,
00:50:08
dude. Like, I've I've been around friends of ours who I'm like, "Oh my god, when they go when they're like,
00:50:14
"No, not now." Like all that [ __ ] I've never done that. Never. I haven't. I
00:50:19
mean, the only time I've done it for other people, if that makes sense. You
00:50:25
know, like one time I was at a dinner with Rogan and I see a guy like there's
00:50:30
like a plant in the restaurant and he's like, and I go, "Hey, man. what are you
00:50:35
doing? And he's just like, uh, I go, we're he's having dinner. Like, so I did it for him, right? I I would never do it
00:50:41
for for me. I can come up with some scenarios where you wouldn't do it. Well, okay. If if my kids were sking, I
00:50:47
was just going to say, if you're with your family, if you're skydiving, you won't do it. Bungee jumping. If you were
00:50:53
in like a war, like, you know what I mean? Like you're Russian and then you're fighting Ukraine. I don't And the
00:50:58
Russian guy goes, "Photo?" Yeah. Yeah. Hey, can I get the photo? Not right now.
00:51:03
No. Honestly, only only I think I told a story on here. I was sitting down. We just got off a long flight. My wife and
00:51:09
I are sitting down to have dinner and this guy like barges up to the table and
00:51:14
doesn't even acknowledge my wife like stares right at me like like basically bumps into her way. He's like, "Yo,
00:51:20
dude, I'm a [ __ ] huge friend. Let me get a photo." And that line of questioning also, "Let me get a photo."
00:51:26
Like what, dude? [ __ ] I was like, "Dude, I go, brother, I'm at dinner with my wife. You need to [ __ ] chill the
00:51:32
[ __ ] out." And he went sat down with a bucket of ice and a bottle
00:51:40
of champagne. And I was like, "No, no, no. We didn't we're not drink. We're not order any booze." And she's like, "No, no, this is from um a gentleman in the
00:51:46
restaurant." I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] I don't we hate champagne." Like we don't I don't like champagne. I [ __ ] hate
00:51:52
it. And I was and she she's like, "It's one of this." You know, and the guy's like, "Oh, it's a really nice bottle." I was like, "Okay, don't open it." And they're like, "Don't open it." I said,
00:51:57
"Just put it in the thing." And I go, "Who's the guy?" And then they lead me around the side. It's the guy. Yeah, it's the same guy. And I walked it up to
00:52:04
him and I go, "Hey, man." And then he goes, "Dude, I just wanted to apologize. I'm so sorry. I took care of your meal." I That was so [ __ ] rude. And I was
00:52:11
like, "Buddy, you're the man." I go, "I don't drink champagne. Here, have it. Take it." He had like three girls with
00:52:17
him. I was like, "Do your thing. Thank you." And then I said, "Let's take a photo." But that turned out the right way. Sure. But it was cool move on him.
00:52:24
He was like, "I took I paid for your meal." I was like, "Oh, that's [ __ ] that's nice." But at the beginning, I was very like, "Dude, get the [ __ ] out
00:52:31
of here." Are you Do you shut people down? Um, never. But there's some
00:52:36
annoying circumstances. Like, if somebody did that, if you're at dinner with a girl and somebody barged and like ignored them, you'd be mad. You'd be
00:52:42
like, "Dude, that's [ __ ] crazy rude." I had a guy come up to me and from behind and he I feel arms wrapped around
00:52:49
me on the side like this. He just, "Come on, man." Like that without even asking.
00:52:54
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he just snuck in and like, "Let's, you know what I mean?" I was like, "What are you doing?" Yeah.
00:52:59
That's weird. I'll always take a photo. But if it's I'm with if I'm with my wife at dinner, I'm like, "Dude, it's [ __ ]
00:53:05
dinner, man. That's ins." But also the kind of person that just is chill about is like thinks that that's chill. You're
00:53:11
like, "Are you okay?" Yeah. I'm at dinner. We're eating food. That's the worst time to approach someone. Hands
00:53:16
down. Yeah. Well, just any other time. The [ __ ] also would I actually [ __ ] I did have one time at a uh at a
00:53:23
urinal the guy next to me goes like no [ __ ] and I go hey and he goes nice to meet you and he sticks his hand up and I
00:53:30
go I'll wait yet. That's so crazy done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where would you not
00:53:35
take a photo? You me specifically? Yeah. You like I said funeral. Um, I wouldn't
00:53:41
do it if I was like, um, AA meeting. Can't do. You can't. Aa
00:53:46
meetings. Did you get asked to get take pictures at a bro? One time I was at a meeting and, um, it was a big one. It
00:53:53
was in Louisville, Kentucky. Those are big. Yeah. No, it was a It was a It was
00:53:59
a speaker meeting. [ __ ] ground zero, dude. Right. Right. That's where bourbon is made. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking about two 300 people there, right? Oh,
00:54:05
damn. [ __ ] And so in a meetings they always go um does any is there any from
00:54:11
out of town right would that was my mistake would you please introduce yourself I go hey I'm Bobby um I'm from
00:54:19
Los Angeles I've been sober for whatever the time it was you 12 years whatever
00:54:24
and I sat back down then after the meeting there was a line to take a photo with me and I just went
00:54:31
I can't do this I just it's just it's so because it's an invasion of your privacy. And only that
00:54:37
is like, you know, I go to regular meetings, you know, I mean, sometimes I go to celebrity ones, but like, you know,
00:54:43
he does, dude. He loves celebrity meetings. Yeah. Who's going to be there? No. Who else is getting clean? Yeah.
00:54:50
Well, I want to ask you a question, and obviously I'm not asking you to reveal actual details, but in a broader sense,
00:54:58
have you ever been to a celebrity meeting where a celebrity reveals something and it's just like
00:55:05
your dopamine rush is just like, "Oh, yeah." Oh man, I've I've heard some crazy [ __ ] from gigantic people. Really?
00:55:11
[ __ ] I go to this meeting. Um I'm going to tell you what night. Yeah. Yeah. But it's an all men's meeting. Tuesday.
00:55:17
Yeah. What? Thursday. Yeah. No, it's not Thursday. No, it's Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's invite only and it's all
00:55:24
legendary rock stars. Mhm. Okay. And I got in it when back way back in the day
00:55:29
when I was on Mad TV when I got sober with them. You have to get recommended. It's like Rya. Somebody has to recommend you. No. Somebody has to go up to the
00:55:35
guy and go, "Can this guy come?" Right. You know what I mean? Right. And I've been turned down by Celebrity Me. You
00:55:41
know that? No. I swear to God. What? Do they check your star meter? Why the [ __ ] No. No. Well, um I when I first
00:55:48
got sober this time, yeah, when you were kicking the habit, 2022, yeah, kicking the habit, my therapist goes, "You
00:55:53
should contact this person because he has a really good meeting." So, I called um this guy and I Paul Reuben. And I go,
00:56:00
"Can I I just got sober again. Can I go to your meeting?" Go, you're not big enough. No. Yeah. He said that for real,
00:56:07
but honestly, I do know who the guy was. Yeah. I wasn't big enough. You're not big enough. I'm not big enough. He He
00:56:13
hasn't seen Bad Thoughts. Maybe you call him again. That's also true. Yeah. But I went to this um so this Monday night and
00:56:19
it's like um it's so intimidating to see the Yeah, because I I've cried in that
00:56:25
meeting. Is the person the person who said that's good. You're I have Is the person who said you're not big enough a
00:56:31
huge name though? Yeah. Oh, they are too. Yeah. And they were like sorry man. Yeah. It just you can't go. Maybe do I
00:56:38
should get sober just to see if I could get into better. I would I would relapse then. [ __ ] love that. If you called
00:56:44
me and go, "Hey, he let me in the meeting." I would be like, how funny would that be if I got into
00:56:50
more important meetings than you? Dude, you got to do it. I'm going to do it, dude. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:56
It's weird, but I like to go to the regular ones like the plumbers and all that stuff because it's like I want to feel normal. Yeah, but also like you're
00:57:02
also the No, wait. That's not No, what I'm saying? Let me rephrase that. Don't you want to be the big shot at the No,
00:57:07
no, no. He does. Yes, he does. Cut all that out. Shut up. Stop it. They're all
00:57:14
like, "We're just regular guys." And you're like, "Me, too."
00:57:19
No, because the with alcoholism, right, is just like you want to have commonality with people. Yeah. And a
00:57:26
connection, right? And I want to bond people through alcoholism. And you share
00:57:31
a lot. Are you a sher? I do. You do? Yeah. And uh dude, he loves to share. Yeah. He gets up
00:57:38
there. He kills. You know what I don't like? when it's like so there's two
00:57:43
types of there's three types of meetings okay okay speaker meeting right and then there's like a circle where people
00:57:49
everyone shares but the worst kind and I went to one Tuesday like this where it was like anyone can share but you have
00:57:57
to raise your hand right so I can't me me I can't do it no right and
00:58:04
so when some somebody doesn't raise their hand they'll pick somebody so sometimes I'll go pick me pick You know
00:58:10
what I mean? But I can't raise my hand because you feel like it's too desperate. Yeah. I just want to Yeah.
00:58:16
Because it's like, you know, and I'm always Cuz you're an attention [ __ ] No, I'm not. No, we all We're standups.
00:58:22
Okay. I am. I am. Yeah, we are. You are. Yeah, I am. You're an attention. Look at how you just reacted to that. You're an
00:58:28
attention [ __ ] Yeah. And those things are I mean that's So you'll speak, but
00:58:34
not if you have to raise your hand. So in what circumstance do you meet? He wants them. He doesn't want to He
00:58:41
doesn't want to be like pick me. Some meetings are like this where the secretary code this is uh we point to
00:58:46
you don't raise your hand. Those are ones I like. You like that? Yeah.
00:58:52
Yeah. Could you share something with us that you've shared at one of those? Really? Sure.
00:58:58
Because if I say it um you you're it's going to cr you're going to cringe. No, we won't.
00:59:05
I promise. Yeah. We're your friends. Well, I like example, you know, I mean, you know, I'll say something like, you
00:59:10
know, Socrates once said, um, a life not self-examined is not a life worth
00:59:16
living. You know what I mean? And so, what I love about AA is like it's internal, you know what I mean? And it's
00:59:22
like it's about looking in the mirror and looking inside yourself. And so, and
00:59:27
so, you know, I do the steps, you know, I think it's very important, you know, the weight lifted from eight and nine,
00:59:34
you know, I mean, is absolutely incredible. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I think it's very that kind of
00:59:39
thing. Thank you, Robert. That like that and then everybody Well, no, but sometimes they'll have a music and they'll play you off. They'll play you
00:59:46
off like the Emmys. That's incredible. Like they know when you they say you're done. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You're like
00:59:53
talking about Yeah. Was Melissa who let the dogs out?
00:59:58
Really cool. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's pretty incredible that you give them that shtick. I have so many
01:00:05
different shticks I can use. You know what I mean? When are you actually being real? When there's a hot girl there. No,
01:00:11
dude. How many times have you scooped one up? A million. No, it's going to be so one. One
01:00:19
throughout my whole life. Sarah. Yo, Sarah. That's right. Yeah. I didn't blow anime, but yeah. Yeah, that was the only
01:00:24
one. I don't go there to like hook up. Isn't it's against the code? No, they
01:00:30
call it the 13th step. What is that? It's these, it's so gross. It's like
01:00:35
these old-timers, guys, people with time, men and women, they see a newcomer
01:00:40
and they go in. That's the 13th step. Yeah. And you're
01:00:45
Yeah. It's just It's not in the steps, but it's like um No, I know it's a hypothetical. You're taking advantage of people's vulnerability and desperation
01:00:53
because you don't get sober unless you lost a lot. You mean? No. No. If you lost a lot, you
01:01:00
get Did I say that wrong? I have no idea. You have to be a very low point in your life. Yeah. I mean, people that are
01:01:06
newcomers have lost a lot, right? You know what I mean? And they've, you know, um Well, it's a great place to be a predator is what you're saying, right?
01:01:13
What I'm saying is is that um some people, not probably 1%, right, they'll
01:01:20
go in and not predator, but they'll like, you know, hey, let me take you to after the meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:26
Take you to lunch. Take Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me pick you up for meetings when their intention is this girl's hot.
01:01:32
Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's unfathomable and I think it's [ __ ] wrong.
01:01:37
Wow, you're a really good person. It's just that it's just here's the thing and and I'm let's be real for a second,
01:01:43
okay? The whole point of it is to get out of yourself, right? So, you know, when there's a
01:01:48
newcomer, I like if I'm sitting there in a meeting and a newcomer goes, I'm a newcomer. I'll always reach my hand out
01:01:53
and go, "Hey, man, welcome." You know, if you need anything, let me know. That's nice. I think you're being a jerk
01:01:59
jerk. I said that's nice. Yeah, when you do this though. Well, I'm listening.
01:02:04
Yeah. Anyway, let's move on from that. No, I said that's nice. I was being nice. I was being generous. What? What? Tom, you'll you'll also welcome like an
01:02:11
attractive woman, right? You'll welcome them. If you need anything. Yeah. No, you know, I No, but
01:02:17
anyway, you inspired me. You've inspired all of us, Tom. Yeah. And the biggest bummer of all
01:02:23
is we don't get to see you more. I know, dude. But the only way we can see you is by watching Netflix. Bad thoughts
01:02:30
available right now on Netflix streaming. Name some of the other people that are in this [ __ ] So Shay Wigums
01:02:36
in it. Boom. Who's also in the new Mission Impossible. Phenomenal. Time for us, dude. Uh Dan saw him. Can he finish?
01:02:43
Uh Dan Stevens. Incredible actor. Yes. True. Um Daniela Peneda, phenomenal.
01:02:49
She's phenomenal. Um who? Roberto Lee. Bobby Lee. Roberto. Roberto Lee. Oh my
01:02:57
god. Rob Eer. Kirk Fox. He's in fantastic in it. Malin bar. Christina Piski. Alan. Rachel. Rachel.
01:03:05
Yeah. Rachel Bloom who was in it. The same Alan Barnholtz. That's right.
01:03:11
I did a scene with him. He I love Allan. Joseph Rogan. Yep. None other than Joseph Rogan. Yep. What did Joe do in
01:03:18
it? Plays a gay. Like a regular gay. Yeah. Very funny. That's so great. And
01:03:24
Sickler. Sick dog. Oh, yeah. Sickle cell. The boy's in it. Yeah. Wow. Did you ever try to convince him to move
01:03:30
down to Austin? Sickle. Uh, we've talked about it. You know, everybody at some point has talked about and then even now
01:03:37
people go like, I got to get out of this city. I'll say it now. I guess maybe post fires and [ __ ] people start talking
01:03:43
about it more, but yeah. I don't know. We should We should get a place down there. Be fun. Why? I still love it here
01:03:50
though. I have to say that. I do love it. You love LA? I love LA. I loved your house. The one that burned down? Yeah. I
01:03:57
mean before I mean burned down after you left, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You went to that house? Yeah. His entire family
01:04:02
was in that house when it burned. Really? Extremely sensitive. Yeah. Yeah. Can we talk about I tried to bring up
01:04:09
the last episode, but then we made a joke out of it, but I'm being real. Okay. Be real. Have you heard of King
01:04:16
Charles? Not the dog. It's a dog, right? Remember the last time you're trying to push this on us because I I want you to
01:04:22
your p So can I tell you who he is? My opinion. My guess is that the girl you're dating has a King Charles. No,
01:04:27
it's not about King Charles the dog. It's a dog dog named God, that's an adorable dog. No, King Charles the um
01:04:35
the alpha alpha dog. What is this? That guy. What about him? Oh yeah, this video
01:04:41
is great. Yeah, it's so great. So what? See that? I'm trying to I'm just trying to ingest. So basically in China, you
01:04:48
haven't seen this video. Is that what he's I have never seen. Yeah. Yeah. Right. In China, right? There's like a Oh, I know. The video ends then. No,
01:04:53
it's not like that. It's a sanctuary. So there's a dog sanctuary, right? And
01:04:59
there's hundreds of dogs there, right? Am I boring you? No, it just I
01:05:04
mean, so many jokes are running through. It's unbelievable. I mean, you're like literally I'm like loading a gun. I I
01:05:11
know. You're like in China there's a hundred dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kept as a sanctuary. I'm like, "This is a buffet, but go ahead." It's okay. All
01:05:18
right. So, what I'm saying is is that But there's one dog, his name is King Charles, and he's the alpha dog, but
01:05:24
he's not the biggest, right? He's super small, right? And the way the dogs behave in front of him. So, this video
01:05:31
in itself is you see King Charles is not in it. Right. A bunch of dogs are fighting. Right. Right. King Char, but
01:05:38
it's you it's in the subtle details. Yes. So, slow. Right. Exactly. So, I play again.
01:05:44
See, the dogs are going crazy, right? Right. They're all fighting, right? Yelling at each other. Here comes King
01:05:50
Charles. That one. See the Let's Push pause. Rewind a little bit. One dog bowed to
01:05:56
him. Exactly. So, what the dog to his left bows, the other one gets up and leaves. That's the most Chinese [ __ ]
01:06:02
I've ever seen. They bow. They taught that dog how to bow. It's [ __ ] It's amazing. This brown dog leaves. Right.
01:06:08
Go. Yeah. The brown dog. I'm out of here. Look at that. The rest of them.
01:06:14
Whoa. The other one goes into the gate. He's like, "I'm out. I'm out." Yeah. He's slowly Everyone leaves. Everyone
01:06:20
leaves. Yeah. Yeah. And And I've been obsessed with this guy. This is how you see yourself. Smaller but commanding.
01:06:28
Oh, wow. Is that Is that a real observation you think though? Is that relevant to you? That you feel like
01:06:34
this? This is the dog you identify with. You're like, "I'm not as big as the other dogs, but I should be respected
01:06:40
the way that they respect." Let Let me tell you the dog that he is in this video.
01:06:46
Start the video over. Okay. I'll tell you who Bobby is. Okay.
01:06:51
Okay. All these dogs are fighting. Pause. You see the dog sleeping? Yes. That is [ __ ] you. That is [ __ ]
01:06:59
you. And that dog gets up and goes, "Look at that. [ __ ] this.
01:07:04
[ __ ] this. That's me, dude." 100%. That's you. That's literally you. There's no argument about it. Look at
01:07:12
that. Keep him. Watch him. [ __ ] off. Look at that. [ __ ] off. He's gone. Yeah. Or that's you, buddy. Well, who? That's
01:07:18
you on the ground. That's me after you didn't you bail on an interview. I'm the King Charles and you bailed on another
01:07:23
[ __ ] gig. Okay. And then look at this. And you try to make excuses and I put my foot on your throat. But it does give you a life. It gives me a
01:07:29
perspective of like, you know what I mean? Sizes and everything. Yeah. Nice. You know what I mean? Yeah.
01:07:36
And um the other day I was at the improv. There was a gigantic door guy.
01:07:41
He's like 6'3. He's standing out front and I walked up to him and like his
01:07:46
breasts, you know what I mean? My head is at his breast. Yeah. Right. I just
01:07:52
walked up to him and kissed his breast and walked away. This King Charles [ __ ] dude. How did he like how did he react?
01:07:58
Didn't like it at all. He's that bottom talk. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. You kiss that man's
01:08:04
tit just like that. What did he say? He laughed. Yeah, of course. When Bobby Lee kisses you in the breast, it's funny.
01:08:11
It's funny, dude. It is [ __ ] funny. I don't know how you get away with that. What do you mean? I don't know how you do that. Imagine if Tommy and I kiss
01:08:19
somebody's tit. It wouldn't go. Is that the weird Is that the weird thing you're talking about? Yeah, dude. That's If
01:08:24
we're going to go full circle, that's what we were talking about at the beginning. Most guys don't kiss other guys tits. The only thing you should
01:08:30
leave with here today is just knowing how not normal you are. [Laughter]
01:08:35
Dude, but in a good way. In a good way. It's so endearing. I want you to impart some words of wisdom for our good friend
01:08:41
Tom Sigura before he leaves because you are an all knowing, allseeing, all being individual. And people come here looking
01:08:48
for advice about the world and life and comedy and career. I see. I
01:08:54
see. Okay. So, Oh, I see. I see. I see. Okay. Hold on. Let him get in his too.
01:09:02
Okay, I'll make up a proverb, please. Well, don't say make it up. Just pretend like it's a You know what I mean? No,
01:09:07
but that's how special I am. You don't need to say it then. Okay, but you're right. I
01:09:13
apologize. A man who says this. Is that a word? That sounds like a
01:09:19
proverb to me. Yeah. Yeah. Here. A man who promises gold to a fellow man
01:09:30
and negates on that gold is a man who should be boiled in water.
01:09:47
Whoa. I can
01:09:58
Are you Do you really know the language? Yes, he's speaking Japanese. Holy [ __ ] dude. Forget what I said then.
01:10:07
Forget what I said. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a big favor on behalf of the Bad Friends family. Please
01:10:13
go watch Bad Thoughts right now on Netflix. Our best buddy, Tom Siguro. we miss and love and we know he's doing
01:10:19
right by us down there. I'll tell you why you should watch it. Cuz you're in it. Yes. And also I want a second season
01:10:26
so we could continue my story. Oh, interesting that you think you'd go back.
01:10:31
I know. Probably not. It's on him, not on you. I know. Okay. Everything's on him. Have you back? I'd love to have I'm
01:10:36
not going to do it. You look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend. Say thank you
01:10:42
for being a bad friend in Japanese.
01:10:49
So [Music]
01:10:59
good. Woo! [Music]
