00:00:00
two are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:00:06
[Music] or something we're bad friends so I uh I
00:00:13
woke up and those cat vomitable you know I haven't lived alone in so long so I know how to function like I don't
00:00:20
know how to clean things yeah are you doing that again because you know you're one of my best friends
00:00:26
you are use it hard yeah yeah and I just 51 years old I understand that 51 I
00:00:33
called you seven times today I'm trying to or I'm leaving from two months and I've called you seven times
00:00:39
and you can't pick up you're a movie star that's right all right so what I'm saying is that you know I'm going
00:00:45
through a hard time so you do a movie that's what it is I don't do movies sir you're I don't get invited you just so
00:00:51
you're bragging you just did the movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and all those people nine years ago
00:00:57
I shouldn't I know it shouldn't but let me say this yeah can I just express how I feel nah you
00:01:04
know I'm leaving and you didn't answer the phone before 3 P.M because I okay and you know I'm trying to coordinate stuff so all day
00:01:10
coordinate and I know you're not coordinate I was trying to coordinate huh and I know you're not sleeping I
00:01:15
know you're on Rye or some [ __ ] am I right the band I know you're on Raya all right I know you're swiping
00:01:22
when you see my call and you flick me away because you're trying to get punani and that's not okay
00:01:28
yes you [ __ ] dude I do how many girls came to the store last
00:01:33
night or to The Improv couple you had a harem and where were you when
00:01:39
I'm Asian I need concubines you don't know you don't know we need coffee where were you when the show was over gone and
00:01:45
where was I in the room yeah and they're all like where's Bobby yeah you're supposed to take care of my concubines I
00:01:51
don't want a [ __ ] concubine they're my concubines under your concubines you have redheaded white ones I have white
00:01:57
content I know why could I just tell you what's going on with me yeah please don't roll your eyes dude because I want
00:02:02
to be your friend I didn't roll my eyes yeah you went like that all right ask me again can I tell you what's going on with me
00:02:08
yes okay I have a sore throat no great and I
00:02:14
can't and I I'm losing my voice and I cancel my spots tonight why are you losing your voice you think you have covet no I swear to God I was screaming
00:02:21
yesterday why I perform at The Improv and The Comedy Store did
00:02:26
you like your spot at The Improv yeah did you no they were [ __ ] terrible but you
00:02:33
know why because he brought 35 students dude when you bring your students it's always bad it's nighttime USA bad joke
00:02:40
nightmare I mean Nightmare Night night time nightmare USA not night time it was
00:02:46
night time it is do you guys think you're not funny for that age group dude yeah I just feel like I'm offensive this
00:02:51
[ __ ] this [ __ ] guy you cut your [ __ ] out right now yeah we're not Seinfeld no all right and we're not
00:02:57
Carrot Top we don't do [ __ ] props why don't you say Carrot Top what does that have to do why why pointed you yeah why
00:03:02
why I'm sorry we're not Ken Jong and keraton yeah that's what I meant to say okay we're different we're different we
00:03:10
have our own voices whatever way of doing it don't I'm by myself yeah right so I
00:03:17
don't know how anything works like I've never used the washer and dryer you're right so I'm trying to figure out all
00:03:22
the code you know the buttons like what does this deep hot one do it says right on it it's like Home Alone why are you
00:03:30
[ __ ] talking right he brings students here and he thinks
00:03:36
he's a comedian to them comedian you know they don't even know his name's fancy yeah his name is fancy and can I
00:03:42
say something students he has no power here none he has no power here powerless Spanish
00:03:48
turd yeah I can make one phone call gone who by the way yeah needs to button up his shirt that's so gross so gross hey
00:03:55
could I say students he never does that when you're not here that's right he's doing it because he's completely buttoned up to the top but with the
00:04:00
students it's out like [ __ ] and you know what sucks about your that you're that move you're not Burt Reynolds you have
00:04:06
no hair there you're not so it just looks like a little boy burnt Reynolds you're burnt your burnt Reynolds your scumbag no
00:04:13
you're like uh Bert Culkin yeah your book you're one of the Caulkins ones but
00:04:19
you're young so a cat grew up although no not just
00:04:24
it's a trail of throw up ah right see I I wake up my throat's sore right don't
00:04:31
do that face man I'm agreeing with you watch I'm just on your team all right your
00:04:38
throat is sore my sore throat throat sore yeah and the cat cat vomit I'm
00:04:45
cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning right yeah did I realize I didn't eat you haven't eaten yet yeah well we're in
00:04:51
Mexican food hello why do they look at me because you're Mexican what was that is that Carlos yeah what
00:04:59
are you doing here I'm not yeah come sit in the chair for a second so we can stranger danger danger stranger stranger danger stranger danger yeah yeah let me
00:05:06
ask you something legitimately yeah did you offer the kids anything to eat like candy or anything no but there is candy out there where'd you get the candy are
00:05:13
you growing out your hair dude of course I am like a [ __ ] molester dude no he
00:05:19
doesn't you know who likes this hair well what children look at me Ray
00:05:26
you have to bring up bloomy Ray huh oh I heard you brought her up on tigerbelly and me I had to hear from kalila you
00:05:33
hang out with Lumi Ray I I have before yeah yeah we talk good she texted me
00:05:38
today nice person yeah all right yeah ooh this bad there's something's going on here what's going on this I could
00:05:43
just feel some peace there's no heat no you guys are good me and we are just friends me and Lumi are also just
00:05:49
friends yeah yeah any penetration penetration I'm asking
00:05:54
uh no Just Energy penetration you think you have more energy penetration than that oh no that's not what I meant are
00:06:01
you trying to say that your energy penetration is more when it comes to [ __ ] energy penetration I'm [ __ ] a Jedi number one number one number one
00:06:08
energy penetration I can't beat him I can [ __ ] you right now with my energy do it dude
00:06:15
[Laughter]
00:06:23
yeah you see whoa well both I do like this kimono that you rocking today
00:06:29
yeah it is this is a kimono what is it not what is it it's a baseball shirt it's a jacket it's not a jacket yeah
00:06:35
Google picture of a jacket and we'll show you what a jacket looks like just so I can teach you a jacket that's
00:06:41
jacket yeah all right now do kimono okay do kimono watch this come on I wanted to
00:06:47
see if you could spell it right kimono yeah whoops looks exactly like what you got no that's that looks
00:06:54
nothing like nothing show me the difference look at that and what you got on that one's more floral yeah this is a
00:07:00
more of a chef's jacket oh that is a chef shirt right that is a chef shirt yeah Chef yeah yeah
00:07:08
everybody from today moving forward all day today there it is I want I want to Let's refer to Bobby as yes chef all day
00:07:14
today okay yeah Chef yeah Chef no you don't say you're the [ __ ] Chef why can't
00:07:19
you be a chef I'm not a chef oh I'm I'm a uh uh I'm the boss boy you look like a
00:07:26
baker I'm a baker yeah yeah yeah yes Baker what is he huh what does he do the guy who collects all the the the oil
00:07:33
that changes the oil Vats at the end of the night I don't know the Mexican I don't know I didn't want to say it but you said it I guess we had a restaurant
00:07:39
right you're the baker yeah I'm a chef he's dishes 100 that's what I said the
00:07:45
same thing I tried to do that once they wouldn't let me in Beverly Hills I went to a steakhouse near because I have to
00:07:51
work there first well I could just ask I wanted to work there and I was like can
00:07:56
I wash dishes and they're like absolutely not absolutely not I wouldn't let you touch the even the dirty dishes I wouldn't let you touch that's what I
00:08:02
was applying for to touch the dirty dishes and they said no yeah can I tell you why looks no because that's a big
00:08:08
one that is a very big one but I was gonna say that that's mean oh you're gonna okay what my race but wrong color
00:08:15
exactly you're one of the light-skinned Mexicans and they want the dark skins and they work harder no there's no
00:08:21
attitude there's no like hey you know it's my I mean sisters Quinceanera right I mean I gotta go yeah get the day off
00:08:28
like they would have the quinceanera at the restaurant that's how dedicated they are yeah we'll just have it here yeah working and having it have you had a
00:08:34
quinceanera I've been to a couple but I've never what about yours I'm a male
00:08:41
what's a guy version called there's no quinceanera for men no why what yeah
00:08:46
guys we gotta do that because there's a bot Mitzvah and a bar mitzvah for Jewish kids right but for the boys there is
00:08:51
none what does it say the quinceanos for a boy also follows the same traditional I didn't get that reasoning as a modern
00:08:58
quinceanera so you present the child to God in front of their family and friends gross we should do one now continuous
00:09:04
what's it called continuals No I feel like that's not
00:09:09
like a popular one it's more the whatever I think it's pretty [ __ ] popular you probably look at the photos 2.4 million results I think uh yeah I
00:09:17
mean I'm Mexican and I never heard of it yeah because that's why you're not the Washington you also don't speak Spanish
00:09:22
so yeah oh [ __ ] that's a big one that's sad I want to say this I want to say this go ahead it is your sober birthday
00:09:29
so happy birthday oh well finally something oh my God something you know you're
00:09:37
that's that's something okay can I tell you something do you know you didn't even wish me happy birthday on my [ __ ] real birthday this year it's not
00:09:43
the same why I was born into the [ __ ] world yeah we all were
00:09:49
and I wish you Happy Birthday on your [ __ ] birthday yeah and I think I mean it was thank you but
00:09:55
I mean what yeah exactly he wants a gift like this Gucci or something no no he
00:10:02
does no well we got you a gift no that's not what I want gift number one come on in we got you gifts for your sober
00:10:08
birthday here we go I've always wanted one
00:10:13
how many wait sit down sit down [Music]
00:10:18
when you said you always wanted one what what were you talking about a token a
00:10:23
token what a chip a token chip yes what it said you
00:10:30
weren't referring to a kind of person at all what's your name Sam Sam I love Sam when you said token
00:10:37
did you mean chip this is a lot of chips man yeah thank you so much why don't you
00:10:43
look Sam in their face and say thank you I apologize say thank you what I'm sorry for what why are you apologizing to him
00:10:50
oh Sam for the years [Laughter] just for his history history yeah that's
00:10:57
what I mean that's Bob you don't know Bobby every day and in one hand are you part of the class yes I am okay cool how
00:11:02
old are you 20. [ __ ] yeah he's one of us he works on the inside he's our intern he's one of our you're part of our
00:11:07
family minion well I can see whatever I want he's not a [ __ ] wait let's stop
00:11:13
what's up he's an employee no he's not an employee we're not paying him it's an intern so all right yeah he's working
00:11:19
for free can I ask you some questions Sam sure good to be listen so much okay
00:11:25
I mean you know it's great can I tell you something you know you know we're all on that pond right now and you can see that it water is going to come right
00:11:32
through at any point we're walking on
00:11:37
oh it's a cold Pond no it's warm it's getting warm I can tell with the ice is
00:11:42
frozen well you can tell there's a couple of bubbles popping up there like at some moment we're gonna fall right through the ice we're not you know that
00:11:48
game when you hit the ice cubes out of the thing yeah what was that called uh break the ice
00:11:54
break the ice stupid game name yeah uh it was sort of like um in the Dark
00:11:59
Knight when there was the punishment right whether you if they run across the eyes yeah and then people fell through
00:12:04
Sam did you like The Dark Knight what that is dark Batman Dark Knight you don't know any Batman movie
00:12:12
you've never okay
00:12:18
I just educate yeah yeah um open your eyes
00:12:27
if he was Asian that would be weird how do you know I'm not bro here we go no no no that that is
00:12:34
true Woods complication
00:12:47
yeah how do you identify black there we go I knew it I told you
00:12:55
Caribbean is that what you said yeah all right family's from the Caribbean yeah I'm from Haiti love them I love it Haitian close to French yeah yeah the
00:13:02
only reason I picked up on any of that stuff is because I listened to Wyclef Jean's the carnival for like 75 hours when I was a kid do you know what that
00:13:07
is of course do you know what that is I haven't listened to what you said there's no idea because I'm focused on
00:13:13
him can I ask some questions please so did you let me ask you is it because of the
00:13:18
genre you don't like superhero genre movies well I wasn't really a moviegoers kid but I can't adapt to it or you can
00:13:25
adapt a movie so when you're in a movie theater you have to change that no figure it out my
00:13:33
parents ever took me to movies as a kid but why is that they're just boring and strict okay sorry Mom but
00:13:40
pry some more no because see if you can crack this truck I can hear the eyes cracking beneath my feet I feel like
00:13:47
yeah and I'm when I I you know what I want to fall you know what I'm doing I want to die I'm going you know what I'm going to die walk out further I'm gonna
00:13:52
go further walk out further I'm going to go further go for it here we go here's a
00:13:58
go for it baby it's gonna be so comfortable come on Sam okay so ask him
00:14:03
what you want to ask him what I want to ask you so um you weren't your your parents didn't take you to movies but
00:14:09
she didn't move um grow up with movie culture right not really so what's the top three movies
00:14:14
you've seen the top three movies I've seen yeah like in my opinion or just your opinion yeah yeah not with critics
00:14:20
opinion or whatever you know what I mean um let's do it I gotta think can I do my
00:14:25
most recent movies yeah okay I just saw the new Whitney movie love I look you know Whitney Houston the
00:14:31
singer no no stop
00:14:36
I know I know I got it can I have it listen I'm all
00:14:42
part of planet Earth okay I know who Whitney is okay died in the tub all right so Whitney that's one
00:14:48
of your favorite movies recently you saw it what else what did you say my recent yeah go ahead it could be a favorite
00:14:53
um what did I watch I don't I'm trying to remember put him on the spot I watched black panther I feel like
00:14:59
everyone's watched that well no not all of us who's not all of us
00:15:04
the wakanda foreign I haven't seen either it's just too many black people for me for some reason it
00:15:10
was just no I saw no I have seen it I have seen it I didn't see the new one I think I
00:15:18
don't think I wanted to see the new one I thought the first one was so good I don't know if I wanted to see a second the new one is sad and I also I didn't
00:15:24
want it to ruin how I liked the first one because I I knew I was going to be like this isn't as [ __ ] good yeah and
00:15:30
it wasn't was it well it was good it was just really sad because you know the lead died yeah Chadwick Boseman what can
00:15:36
you imagine anyway so Whitney um what kind of forever give me the third one
00:15:42
wait you're putting me on the spot how about some over the years the TV shows that you saw uh well you're oh I was
00:15:49
just talking about The Parent Trap today because I was writing a picture about it that's good you're writing a paper by The Parent Trap Yes Man school is dog
00:15:54
[ __ ] yeah no not first class I'm in a history of film class I'm a film major but
00:16:00
movies for some reasons I'm a niche here's the video about Sam I like what they just said that was crazy yeah I'm
00:16:07
in film class but movie's not my thing I said it's not my Niche oh near the difference well what's the difference
00:16:13
between Niche and things and Niche is like okay wait wait his I
00:16:20
love his attitude he's fired okay you're hiring it's just like it can be like
00:16:26
your thing but I feel like a niche is like that's really your thing right and the thing could be multiple things like
00:16:34
give me like let me give you an example for music I can say my niches r b but
00:16:39
for one of my things music is one of my things and the movies could be one of my other things yeah I agree with almost
00:16:44
nothing he just said I don't even understand any of that but I gotta tell you but I was just talking maybe one of
00:16:49
the best lawyers I've ever seen yeah yeah presented a case without any evidence but still as a judge I'd go [ __ ] it fine this guy did great yeah
00:16:56
right so he literally did this yeah like this ready go ahead the color blue yeah
00:17:02
it's a color but it's also a thing of its own and doesn't have to be is it
00:17:08
still yes yes I think that's what he just did yeah and did it work no no but
00:17:14
it but it was a good try Sam once Sam's out of school and Sam's going to school for the audience who wants to know Ed
00:17:20
Quinnipiac with fancy right can we say this yeah yeah okay Sam's going to school Sam Sam wants to
00:17:27
come work with us maybe you do he's got some [ __ ] demands what is it what are your demands he wants to put him put him
00:17:32
up in a house he said he has to have a house to live in an apartment I was gonna say Transportation but I didn't look too needy right but I I can't do
00:17:39
the buses and the I need my own wheels okay you don't have a car now so we have to give him a car and a place to live
00:17:45
and he'll come here think about it can he live with you no can you have your old car yes you can
00:17:50
live with me can you have your old car I just thought about it I want him to live with me do you know
00:17:55
how to work a washer and dryer absolutely absolutely I just told him I was oh
00:18:01
I'll clean but not the cat vomit I don't even like cleaning human vomit right I get that I get that yeah but will you
00:18:07
clean everything else of course okay so look clean can you cook absolutely cooks and cleans what could he cook
00:18:13
um I had to make chicken parm the other day I love you man thank you can I say that of course yeah Sam Sam is one of us
00:18:21
what do you mean by that one of us one of us one of us I actually like him on
00:18:27
the mic yeah he's great yeah you're weird yeah yeah well how about Sam stays there
00:18:33
for a minute and then we swap out Carlos and bring in so
00:18:38
let's bring it let's bring in somebody that hasn't been around in a long time for a myriad of reasons and we we're so
00:18:44
happy that this person is back ladies and gentlemen it is the return of the ever famous Rudy probably the
00:18:51
real star of the show Rudy Jules Rudy Jules come on everybody Rudy this is Sam say hi to Sam hi Rudy
00:18:59
nice to meet you nice to meet you I like your shirt notice thank you did you notice what she did are you wearing
00:19:04
makeup a lot of makeup are you wearing makeup yeah oh rude Rudy's got some
00:19:10
amazing she didn't shake his hand yeah do it it was deliberate deliberate he
00:19:15
went to shake your hand and you didn't oh I didn't see I wasn't hi sir very good Rudy Jules I haven't seen you
00:19:22
in so long how's uh how's school it's good busy I already have a work you
00:19:28
already have all work yeah what you mean homework work work what job would you have now I'm a student assistant at like
00:19:35
a college like a College of Arts in Northridge what does that mean I don't know is that
00:19:42
a real job what are you doing are you getting paid money or not how much tell us 15.50 per hour 15 and 50 cents for
00:19:50
one whole hour amazing good no that's good it is very good modern work study oh no it's just I
00:19:57
take calls I greet people you take calls to the what's that what is it the like
00:20:03
the phone and then I just answered yeah no I know it's a [ __ ] phone but I'm saying what are you making who are you
00:20:08
taking calls about like anyone if they have questions then I just have to answer okay here we go
00:20:20
[Music]
00:20:32
what do you say again we don't understand what you're saying College Dean's office is this the Dean's
00:20:38
office are we in trouble
00:20:45
hey so listen uh we're curious to know about uh maybe one of our uh one of our
00:20:50
kids applying to come to school there oh did you put down the phone no sorry
00:20:56
okay so um Jimmy and I yeah we're together yeah we're together and we have
00:21:02
we adopted the kid back in the 80s yep yeah I mean I I don't need to know personal information just tell me what
00:21:09
you need that's rude oh that's so rude because we're trying to tell you about our background yeah why
00:21:14
hold on one second except these girls are fine [ __ ] I [ __ ] we should ask for the manager yeah the dean ask for
00:21:20
the dean yeah can we speak to the dean the dean um unfortunately the dean is unavailable right now you sound like a liar no
00:21:28
anyway our kid right Simone Simone Samoan he's Samoan he's Samoan and
00:21:35
that's what he named him too okay because we were just kind of like we don't know what the name of them so we just named him Samoan yeah so um he
00:21:42
wants to play football at your school or Russell yeah or do you have or shot do
00:21:48
you have um badminton okay so this is College of Arts the
00:21:54
department of art Samoan paints he does his water Simone loves painting he loves
00:21:59
the watercolors so what does he want to do football or or okay yeah you could
00:22:05
just add it hold on one second yeah this [ __ ] I cannot say it's called pervert I know I think we should go to Harvard
00:22:11
we should because Mike Mike Curb is not going to get it yeah anyway so listen we
00:22:17
want our son to go there he does paint with watercolors yeah so what's the deal are you interested in our son Samoan
00:22:23
Simon Lee okay so I'm just a student assistant but I can transfer you to
00:22:28
someone that knows more about this could have said that at the beginning yeah could have said that right we can't get
00:22:34
that five minutes back right okay I'm sorry what's your name I'm reporting yeah what's your name Andrea smart very
00:22:41
good see your Survivor you are surviving you do know so that's what you do you you you you you link up calls yeah wow
00:22:48
and do you like it have you worked yet yeah I've been working for the past five days and then the first day I was so
00:22:55
scared so every time I would take a call I would just right she's growing up she's growing up look at her are you still dating that
00:23:01
same guy yeah whoa this is getting serious how long has this been now
00:23:06
um you look at your hands when you figure out how long you've been together like eight months how long have you and I
00:23:13
know your hands are like an abacus It's A Beautiful Minds on her hands
00:23:19
um I saw your show did you Andrew what do you mean what show cheeseburger you
00:23:25
saw my stand-up special yeah did you like it yeah but I don't remember I don't need any more yeah you like it I
00:23:33
was laughing good she didn't like it but she laughed yeah but I'll take one of the two if you laugh and don't like it
00:23:38
still fine with that so thanks for watching can I ask you some serious questions so you know they
00:23:44
moved out so kalila and Jules move it out of my house
00:23:52
we're happy about it do you miss me yeah oh man that's not real yes it was it was
00:23:59
it actually looked real where do you live now somewhere some [ __ ] [ __ ] scum rat
00:24:05
[ __ ] do you notice that I'm not around or I do I do it's more cleaner
00:24:12
what did she say it's cleaner no yeah no it's not it's not it is that's why I
00:24:18
missed it because it's it feels different oh you want it to be dirty yeah
00:24:24
and how the dog's acting they're good they really like the place they're like having fun like in the backyard so they
00:24:30
don't miss me at all you don't think I don't know oh my God why are you doing this to him just lie and say okay yeah
00:24:36
they missed him yeah they miss you buddy they all miss you a lot they all miss
00:24:42
you a lot to Bobby so much and it's like [ __ ] disaster it's pretty crazy how much they missed but I went to his place
00:24:48
last night and then why when I came in it just smelled like vomit well the cats
00:24:55
threw up everywhere that's not his fault and he did throw up as well you clean it up huh could you help me out and clean
00:25:02
it up do you see the cat helmet yeah all over the house right
00:25:08
now before I went to phone one of the most exciting things about a new year is that
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and it's and the better help is the best way to do that guys it sure is I believe in therapy Bob and I have talked about this for a long time when uh you're at
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bad friends wait so you guys used to live together with dogs and cats yeah yeah how did
00:27:24
that go well they planned on eating some of them but it never got around and you had your ex-girlfriend in the house too
00:27:30
yeah wow well his ex-girlfriend is her aunt oh okay okay family okay yeah
00:27:35
they're fam that's blood and there's they used to be really blood with us but now that they've departed we feel like there's no there's no connection anymore
00:27:42
yeah it's really kind of sad this show was kind of built on family and uh Sam
00:27:48
that's why kind of we're asking you to be a part of the family that's really yeah because these other people are we're done with the Filipinos are we're
00:27:54
not we're done with those people are you not from no no she's from the Philippines yeah you just said you were
00:28:00
but she's here I know but this is kind of an interim thing we bought them we we got them on discount pre-covered yeah
00:28:07
what did we pay for that 12.95 there's 12.95 with the coupon well yeah right yeah yeah you were if you on the back of
00:28:13
a Coke can there's always I guess one for Six Flags and one for a Filipino Filipino Coke cans they don't do it in America so we had to smuggle some Coke
00:28:19
cans we peel the label yeah you win two and we won two one was hot you know I
00:28:25
mean one was like her niece her niece but I really do miss you guys and uh we miss seeing you around I feel honestly I
00:28:31
feel lost yeah I mean I just honestly the honest truth is I feel so miserable
00:28:37
and lost and empty how do you feel about that I feel sad is that an emotion someone
00:28:45
told you to feel or do you feel that real I feel it here yeah that's where you feel the emotions yeah you wouldn't feel here it's like
00:28:52
they just programmed like they just sent her out they were like okay we just reprogrammed no but I am a sister Bobby
00:28:58
you're sad yeah so the whilst did you see the Washington uh I mean the um not
00:29:04
Washington Journal the um Wall Street Journal they did an opinion
00:29:09
piece there are too many Asians I agree did I write this piece
00:29:15
no what do you mean there's actually there's a big you know there's a big uh you know China is struggling their population is I know downfield just go
00:29:23
to images Maybe well the problem is it's that China is not is having any of those baby ones are
00:29:29
there too many Asians are there too many Asians let's answer that question well Sam yes are there two other too many
00:29:34
Asians I don't think so how many would you you want more sure my best friend is Asian that's
00:29:41
great yeah hey this is gonna be my first time with Sam doing this uh get closer to the mic
00:29:46
the old days we used to yell at her about that all the time yeah okay so wait there you don't think there are too
00:29:52
many Asians not really I don't see you often from where I'm from right where are you from Jersey oh there's not a lot
00:29:58
no if you go to New York then you'll see something yeah I know we've been there okay so you're saying you're a part of
00:30:03
Jersey there's not a lot of Asians not really not what part of Jersey are you from I'm from Lake Jersey North Jersey yeah I'm not like near the beaches I'm
00:30:10
like more in the city okay I love when they say beaches in New Jersey they are
00:30:15
beaches yeah but not really no it is uh yes they are really I haven't been to the Cali beaches yet so you can't so
00:30:20
what I'm saying is that like you know um a professional super well let's go to New Jersey and ride the waves yeah they
00:30:27
do yes don't don't do that we have nice beaches I know but there's
00:30:34
no waves there's no [ __ ] Palms it's dirty by the boardwalk but you
00:30:40
could get some waves you can go a little further that should be on a t-shirt like what three miles in no
00:30:46
I don't know I don't swim yeah wait you don't swim wait stop I didn't say anything
00:30:54
you don't swim I do not why I can't I don't know how to swim so it's either I
00:31:00
drown or I just walk on four feet pools well that's we gotta figure that out we gotta figure it out we gotta feel like
00:31:05
we're getting back out on that ice again
00:31:11
yeah go ahead in my Islands not a lot of Filipinos know to swim
00:31:17
yeah but that's because why sharks because they're too afraid to go to the
00:31:22
sun because they don't want to get dark oh boy I feel like we're all back on the
00:31:28
ice no no she's not nice with me oh she is now oh yeah and I'm a short going you guys come on get off the ice but you
00:31:33
know what it is about Philippines they probably believe in some weird [ __ ] Hocus Pocus thing that's in the water
00:31:39
you know them they probably tricked Filipinos to be like you can't go swim otherwise the the monster of Bogota will
00:31:45
come get you you know what I mean they tricked them so they want them to stay on the island right is there like a Loch Ness kind of a vibe in there's nothing
00:31:51
in there there's a sea creature in the Philippines that you get scared of no oh wow yeah there is there is what's
00:31:57
it called what's the sea creature in the Philippines that they trick you guys as
00:32:03
kids not to go swimming yeah yeah it's um but not don't do what is it what is it called
00:32:12
I'm trying to remember yeah try to remember see try to find dugong dugong
00:32:19
Philippines creature I've heard of it before in New Jersey is there a [ __ ] creature that black
00:32:25
people are afraid of no okay just the dirt and the maybe R Kelly maybe R Kelly's out there yeah I guess our
00:32:31
Kelly's in the water oh is that what it looks like there's the dude going in the Philippines it's a manatee I'm gonna say it looks like a big walrus no that's the
00:32:37
dugong and they will eat you and they don't want you to go out in the Philippines because it'll see that looks like a bloated dolphin I don't know
00:32:43
manatee Manatee well it is that's what they call them but that is a bloated off let's just have let's let's have Sam say
00:32:50
thank you to Salmon let's get Sam back thank you thank you thank you Sam we love you thank you Sam you're the greatest
00:32:56
okay so here's what can I ask them we have a couple more gifts for you because of your sobriety so let's bring in the
00:33:02
second gift we can rifle through people we're proud of you okay hi all right okay thank you can you
00:33:09
sit down for a second what's your name Grace Grace say it into the mic Grace Here Comes Grace hi Grace hi will that
00:33:16
might draw your face Grace I never could get I get a hold of this book but it's good it's stinking thinking by Gail
00:33:22
rosalini it's a really good book it's a great book it's a classic and um did you buy for me yeah Straight From the Heart
00:33:29
oh you bought it from the heart yeah she paid with emotion that's that's great did you go to the store to buy this
00:33:34
um yeah that's where you get books I know but what book did you store did you go to make it up Grace
00:33:43
there sure are what do you think what Grace what year are you at uh the school
00:33:48
this is my second year sophomore yeah yeah that's what we say we say sophomore but you say second year and I get it
00:33:54
because maybe you'll do more than four years I'm actually doing I'm graduating next year whoa someone's smart yes yes
00:34:04
May please do you think I have stinking thinking
00:34:11
then why would you give me this book I mean I like the cover
00:34:17
all right Grace you can go back thank you thank you Greg stay stay
00:34:23
so you just kind of walked into the bookstore and just grab whatever off the show like I said came from the heart so
00:34:29
I was like you know I let my heart guide me oh so your heart guided you yes that's interesting do you do that with
00:34:36
all your life in your life when you go to a restaurant pretty much my heart says yeah yeah I meditate on it a little
00:34:42
bit you do yeah well thank you so much for the book um how much sobriety time do I have
00:34:48
not enough that is such a good answer she's so good not enough I can't get her
00:34:54
where are you from I'm from Boston [ __ ] yeah man what a great time Boston Boston's a great time one of the best
00:34:59
you guys are tough people we are yeah do you want to fight maybe later oh wow did you go up
00:35:06
Catholic I did I went to Catholic School wow you really you know I got the whole experience yeah whole package with the
00:35:12
priests and everything priests yeah I just feel like I'm on the ice again
00:35:19
yeah once I said priest yeah yeah well thank you so much for the book of course
00:35:29
this guy needs gifts thank you Grace you're the best really appreciate you Grace your you guys are
00:35:35
great hey this one You're Gonna Love
00:35:41
take a seat she doesn't know much but she's a nice girl we spoke before
00:35:46
what's that uh pull the mic to your face oh okay I don't know much so no no no no Matt put this in close to your mouth oh
00:35:53
really close there you go okay yeah so this girl her name is what is it what is it it's Taylor Taylor
00:36:01
Taylor [ __ ] like the Swift that's right exactly good what's so funny nothing
00:36:07
um so Taylor Taylor you got me this hat in the front uh it says one day at a
00:36:12
time and what's the creature in the front that's a camel she's very good yeah she got it so one
00:36:18
day at a time and why why'd you get me this hat why do you think it says one day at a
00:36:23
time you just gotta take things one day at a time that's what does that mean to you though what I just said great
00:36:30
it's pretty good is this an advertisement for cigarettes is this A Camel cigarette is that what that is no it really is like uh AAA approved but
00:36:38
but what does the camel have to do with anything I don't know I maybe because they're dry yeah huh they're dry dry and
00:36:44
you're dry you're sober so dry or they move very slowly or they spit a lot yeah
00:36:49
the camel represents something in AA what what is it it's a symbol for sobriety because a camel can go 24 hours
00:36:55
without a drink there you go oh yeah but that's just one day but one day but one day at a time camel to camel one day I
00:37:02
know but then tomorrow right the camera might be drinking right right he's drinking the next day yeah it
00:37:09
just means he goes one day without drinking yeah so I would take it one day at a time yeah yeah great gift Taylor and is it when they say drinking was it
00:37:15
like alcohol well do camels drink alcohol they do that's what is it water no they survive on just alcohol yeah what like sex on
00:37:22
the beach or whatever yeah Taylor yeah Taylor your energy was amazing that's why I was happy to bring you on the show
00:37:27
because when you got a gift I knew that you were gonna give Bobby something meaningful and wonderful yeah of course
00:37:33
because you care about Bobby don't you I do tell them how big of a fan you are oh I'm your biggest fan name some of the
00:37:38
stuff you've seen yeah also yeah let me ask them so um what city am I from what city are you from yeah
00:37:44
I don't know this one yeah there we go we're close to Santa very close to San Diego it's close yeah close enough how
00:37:50
old is Bobby how old is Bobby 51 51 that was good no she knows that's pretty good I knew that how tall is Bobby
00:37:57
five four that's right right I saw the hand I didn't show her anything yeah let me see your hands I waved at it it's
00:38:03
great I went hi Taylor oh you did yeah all right my bad yeah and which Asian is
00:38:08
Bobby I'm gonna go Korean there it is you see Korean before did I yeah I don't think so yeah ages I didn't yeah did I
00:38:17
say that I don't think I did what was Bobby's favorite drug when he was using see I don't know him from those days oh
00:38:24
those are old days yeah yeah I bet you could guess just by looking at his face though huh uh we'll say the same time
00:38:30
we'll pick a drug on the count of three one two three methamphetamine that one's good too wow
00:38:37
that's insane that's crazy what you did I love it but he looks but he's a good
00:38:42
looking guy though still right after all those years of course like out of ten we'd rank him out of 10 we'll say it together on the count of three he's a
00:38:47
one two three eleven wow okay just give me some of the movies some of the movies that I've seen that I've been in that
00:38:54
you've been in yeah I I don't know I haven't I'm like Sam I'm a film major haven't
00:39:01
seen a lot of movies I haven't seen a lot of movies that's normal she's gender any TV show I was in no I'm sorry okay that's okay we should
00:39:09
not fan though she is a fan she said she thinks you're so cool what um TV shows
00:39:15
has he been in yeah it was a really good Kevin Hart movie he
00:39:21
did on on Netflix it's really good it is pretty good what's it called me time it's called right me time yeah yeah me
00:39:27
time right there there it is and um Andrew steals the movie again that's why he's going to Australia to do
00:39:33
another movie yeah I believe it yeah yeah good there are there I am there he is look at that Kevin Hart is right
00:39:40
there yeah that's me and Kevin Hartford towering over him I'm six one yeah and he's four three so
00:39:46
you know of course he is look at that that is that is a funny scale yeah it is kind of cool working with him because
00:39:51
you're you're allowed to pick him up whenever you want yeah you're kind of like a like you know like at your dog your house you can pick it up and kiss
00:39:57
it yeah he'll let you put you you can put him on his dashboard in your car and just drive around town he loves it his head wobbles he does the wobble thing uh
00:40:04
Taylor what a pleasure it's been having you on this show I want to say that thank you so much thank you so much is
00:40:09
there any more gifts and we got some more gifts let's swap out a little Taylor shout out to Taylor thank you Taylor you're the best
00:40:15
thank you Taytay your legs are so thin there to Andrew
00:40:20
are my legs thin there I mean I think it's just the pants or pants are tight what's up dude [ __ ] yeah bro
00:40:26
you're gonna like this guy he's Jewish yeah I love them all right Kanye that's good we need more
00:40:32
of that in the world that's right oh yeah this book says what is it what is the
00:40:38
one what's the book he bought you was a book you bought me ah substance abuse and gay men or something pull that mic
00:40:45
towards your face oh yeah thank you uh substance abuse and uh I don't remember substance abuse and
00:40:52
like myself and you're one so the book say your name again Ari Ari
00:40:57
should have guessed it uh the book that already got you is gay men and substance abuse
00:41:04
and uh I gotta tell you this is a good book
00:41:10
it is I've read this yeah yeah I just it's a basic guide for addicts and those
00:41:15
who care for them so Michael Shelton wrote this he's he's a he's an MS CAC
00:41:20
yeah I see the bottom he's an MS yeah let me ask you something what is I mean what would be the difference between a
00:41:26
game and become an alcoholic and a straight man being an alcohol no you tell us well uh all right Ari where are you from
00:41:33
uh I I'm also from Boston how about another Bostonian another Bostonian
00:41:38
um are you are your uh are your dreams and aspirations to move to Los Angeles and get to film or to go to New York I
00:41:45
mean Los Angeles yeah you read me pretty well that's right it's all here on this book
00:41:50
yeah yeah uh so you want to move to Los Angeles all right do you think I'm gay after last night I mean I I'm not really
00:41:58
sure I was there last night you know the Improv club right interesting way to start after last night I usually would
00:42:03
have been a joke about you guys [ __ ] yeah but then he took it back to reality that he saw you do standing so after
00:42:08
last night so before you saw my show you were like he's not gay and then you saw the show and then what's the conclusion
00:42:14
well I mean you did show us your pubes yesterday that's right okay I mean but you're the second comedians I've seen uh
00:42:21
Eric Andre was first there we go who's were nicer um you know he's dating Emily
00:42:26
Ratajkowski and you're not number one uh just I mean just because I got you
00:42:32
that book out of love I think I'm gonna say yours you have nicer pubes yeah
00:42:40
you son of a [ __ ] what about is did my ACT make you feel
00:42:46
like I was gay though is that from the pubes no no that was just like the one and only thing the rest of your act you
00:42:52
gave me all the Good Vibes yeah probably
00:42:58
wow wow yeah it's a new generation yeah may I explode that or oh no of course
00:43:04
exploration yeah yeah uh back at the pond yeah so probably you're straight I mean have
00:43:12
you have you thought about yeah everyone has it's 20 23. you know I
00:43:18
love this guy so much yeah I love this guy so much yeah have you thought about what
00:43:25
that's my roommate actually who I've lived with for two years yeah that's what they tell their direct roommate
00:43:30
yeah yeah no Dad it's my roommate sure yeah it was your roommate when
00:43:38
you're a roommate can I can you bring your roommate out roommate come on roommate come on everybody
00:43:45
oh yeah 100 years he came in like [ __ ] Sean Hayes
00:43:52
whoa dude I've never he's a sitcom gay yeah he just walked in hey all right so um wait
00:43:59
hold on one second we gotta we Rudy will you swap with him and let him do that just so we get for two minutes just for
00:44:06
two minutes because we do want to talk to Rudy when she gets back so this is um what's your name I'm Nick
00:44:12
oh boy oh boy you know you know what Nick rhymes with yeah I've do you guys sleep in bunk beds
00:44:21
we Mega beds sometimes what's megabits it's a megabyte I mean we have two single beds and just push it together
00:44:29
the heat there's no heating at our school does who buys breakfast
00:44:35
I make breakfast who does he makes it he makes the backpack yes he does yeah
00:44:43
yeah there's no shame in this you know what I mean I mean him and I have done that too yeah with mega bed yeah oh we
00:44:49
saw your yeah we've seen the shirts yeah yeah we've done some stuff that's right yes so you know you guys should feel
00:44:55
good about you you're good about it but whatever you got going on you know and I saw you both want to be in film yeah I
00:45:00
feel like they're gonna make movies together
00:45:06
what do you mean you make movies already you already done it we've made like short films yeah I like that can we see
00:45:11
them one day yeah yeah direct and right yeah yeah right these guys are gonna give us jobs down the road well I mean
00:45:17
in fact if you guys write a really good short script maybe Andrew and I could be the Stars oh 100 how great would that be
00:45:23
so down for that yeah yeah are you guys available next no nope
00:45:34
very good thank you boys very good man this has been [ __ ] weird as [ __ ]
00:45:41
the weirdest show we've ever done the weirdest [ __ ] show I think we've ever done in our [ __ ] lives butcher box oh
00:45:46
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00:45:52
how I like to eat my meat yeah you don't want cheap meat I don't like good meat baby yeah so uh butcher box does that
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love it so very much uh I like having meat at the house easy to grab easy to cook easy to do I don't gotta go to the
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00:48:23
Tito's out you're still dating that guy you're getting paid big bucks to work in the
00:48:29
Dean's office life is good what's next for you you're not coming on the road with us
00:48:35
you're not doing bad friends live I can't because I know too famous too rich no I see your follow account
00:48:43
how many followers you have now let me check foreign
00:48:51
110 000. damn you know how many Comics we know that are legitimate Comics that'll have thirty thousand I know
00:48:58
twenty thousand yeah well you deserve it you worked super hard to get to where you are and now you were when you're on
00:49:03
campus do you remember wear a mask um sometimes like in the classroom I do but outside when you walk around outside
00:49:09
does anybody on campus recognize you um last Tuesday I was like just walking
00:49:14
around the campus and then like two guys like just stopped in front of me and
00:49:20
they said wait are you Rudy wow wow and what'd you say see yeah are they cute
00:49:26
they're fine yeah yeah and then what and did you have a conversation with them we just kind of walked off like a Hollywood
00:49:31
star no I said yeah and I said Hi and then he was like Oh I thought you were
00:49:37
gonna work at the bookstore because I work there he went to the bookstore because you used to work there I don't know I don't
00:49:43
know but he he worked there already oh he already went and then he saw my name on the list
00:49:50
he was like I was so excited but then you then come sounds like a stalker yeah sounds like you stay away from yeah stay
00:49:55
away from that yeah he's a murderer so that's the only time you've been recognize on campus oh interesting
00:50:02
what that's wrong it's just she's all grown up it's sad yeah but she's gone she
00:50:08
moved out she's she's a you know yeah she got really fat I mean it's just like everything changed Gateway you've gained
00:50:15
so much you're so much fatter than used to be yeah yeah when we first saw you were just a tiny little thing now you're a [ __ ] whale I mean Brendan Frazier's
00:50:22
got nothing on you yeah yeah well there's a lot of good foods here bring up a picture of Brendan Fraser and the
00:50:28
whale and this you look almost exactly like this this is basically you yeah yeah I think
00:50:34
that looks excuse I don't I don't feel any double chin here I gotta be honest
00:50:39
with you yeah I can't tell the difference between that and you right now did you see the movie no but I've heard it's so good I want to watch it
00:50:45
we're just kidding you're kidding we're joking around you're [ __ ] weirdo what an idiot that does look like the you
00:50:51
though you fat piece of [ __ ] that looks like he almost died gaining the weight I mean
00:50:56
I know he's wearing Prosthetics as well but he also gained so much weight for this role yeah would you ever do that
00:51:01
yeah I know you would for a24 movie yeah 3 000 pounds what if they told you the
00:51:07
risk of dying was 50 50. I'd rather die than what then just could not be in the
00:51:13
movie wow yeah so if they said we'll give you it's not going to pay that well
00:51:18
I'll do it for free wow if if it's a great project I'll do it for free you're
00:51:23
willing to die for the project yeah that's wild I mean is there any director that you would work for just and go all
00:51:30
the way like that no I'm saying I would go all the way but if the risk was that I was gonna die score Stacy so scorses
00:51:35
he calls you right yeah hey Marty hey how you doing uh good Marty oh hey Marty how you doing
00:51:42
I'm wonderful how are you I just want to answer when I asked you the first time you know I saw how you're doing and you you said
00:51:48
and I was like yeah sorry about that I'm sorry how you doing I'm good how are you pretty good great yo so um can I say yo
00:51:55
sure I'm Italian it doesn't come naturally right anyway me patchy dinero
00:52:02
right Leo doing a movie yeah yeah it's called The Hunt for Red October 2.
00:52:09
it's in the submarine oh wow that sounds awesome yeah Leo's gonna play Russian
00:52:15
right okay and then um the Alec Baldwin Park yeah I mean it's gonna be um Dinero
00:52:22
okay cool yeah is he not available no he's not well he already did the
00:52:29
first one right right I want you in the movie
00:52:36
can you send me a script you would really say that sorry you would really say that
00:52:43
uh I mean I want to read did you write it who wrote it it's me Marty here can I
00:52:49
tell you the part is yeah you gotta gain a thousand pounds you're playing a
00:52:54
summary oh everyone's inside inside you is this gay porn no it's not gay porn Marty they come in through your butthole
00:53:01
though I kind of like some of this yeah yeah and then you know and then the US
00:53:06
you know you're a Russian submarine Bobby Lee is going to play the U.S submarine no North Korean we change it
00:53:12
to North Korea right yeah when Bobby Lee was attached yeah North Korea yeah Bobby is a North Korean submarine I'm sorry
00:53:18
Marty Bobby Lee's attached I'm out have a good day bye really yep that's your line if he
00:53:25
attached you before me I'm out you know that's what you know honestly
00:53:32
I think that's how you really feel shut the [ __ ] up because you're doing so well right now I'm so proud of you I don't
00:53:38
know you are now why don't we give Andrew a Santina run while he's doing real big movies and you know what I mean
00:53:44
one after another house party the one with the [ __ ] me time you know you're on this new movie
00:53:49
it was the definition of jealousy is that would you just pull off yeah I'm not jealous I'm supportive it says raise
00:53:56
his voice immediately I'm so happy for you man it's so good it's so exciting it
00:54:01
looks away often it continues to repeat the same word over and over man says
00:54:07
stuff like fantastic stuff man yeah yeah it's right there in the definition no I would I would gain weight and do a
00:54:13
[ __ ] thing for a roll but it also would have to it like the gaining weight thing would be tough
00:54:18
why because I feel like you just would you rather gain weight or lose weight like [ __ ] Christian Bale did for the
00:54:24
machine 100 lose weight I would guess he almost died I know but at least she ate an apple a day for like
00:54:30
a year yeah that's Christian Bale in a movie he looks good yeah zoom in in a photo
00:54:37
yeah yeah he lost all that weight for this [ __ ]
00:54:43
movie then he did uh Batman Begins after that right after he did Batman so he had to gain like a thousand pounds after
00:54:49
that right how crazy is that it's [ __ ] nuts it's insane look at that body though he would like [ __ ] a Tic Tac yeah you know who has
00:54:56
that body 20 years left [Laughter] anymore Tony gained a little weight he does he
00:55:04
looks a little weird yeah yeah anyway what an actor fans
00:55:09
they saw you fancy thanks a lot for bringing the kids into the show man that was great of you dude we really love it
00:55:15
yeah thank you we love it yeah I know yeah you did great and what were you for
00:55:22
[ __ ] 30 minutes let's get him fire from the university
00:55:28
did you really get fired for bringing them here did you get in trouble have you are you gonna get in trouble of
00:55:34
course it got really weird huh it got really weird in here this whole episode has been one of the weirdest episodes we've ever done yeah yeah but like by
00:55:41
and large yeah I feel surreal so weird yeah yeah weirdly enough parents love it and then they follow the show the mom
00:55:49
and dad that's their parents well the parents are our age that's
00:55:54
exactly yeah because they're all 19 and 22. right and their mom and dads are [ __ ] 50. yeah so you
00:56:02
what wait let me hey kids what's your how old is your dad
00:56:08
[Laughter] what'd you just say
00:56:14
all right [ __ ] voice now
00:56:19
he's a sassy [ __ ] younger than you yeah that you know what that's his new nickname sassy Sam sassy [ __ ] you sassy
00:56:27
[ __ ] SB Sam B Sam that's your new nickname dude because of that [ __ ] thing how old is your dad Sam
00:56:34
uh 53 53 that's older than us
00:56:39
oh oh that was sassy too that was sassy too you don't know a joke I was trying to be funny yeah
00:56:45
[ __ ] [ __ ] dude I love that guy yeah I love Sam dude permanent picture of this [ __ ] show I think so I think
00:56:51
we found a real placement for who you know who for me no I know I know for the other
00:56:59
one and another one not you why are you looking at me
00:57:04
I gotta tell you let's I'm gonna do a little throwback sentimental stuff real fast
00:57:10
I remember when you first came on this show because now there's the probably one of the last episodes you're gonna be on the show you're never going to come
00:57:16
back are you I think so pretty rarely when you first came on this show and
00:57:21
your only goal was to make sure that Tito Bobby didn't go to a drive-through or didn't go to CVS yes we won't die
00:57:27
yeah so he wouldn't die that little moment in time turned into
00:57:32
one of the greatest relationships this show could have ever wished for
00:57:38
and somebody did a little compilation I guess we want to show you let's let's see it closer to the mic yeah you have
00:57:44
to get close to the mic so we can hear you oh buy closer to the mic Jules [ __ ] get closer to the mic get closer to the mic get closer to the
00:57:51
mic get closer to the bike get closer to the mic instead of trying it's Jewels Jewels see how there's this much space
00:57:57
between get closer to the bike talking to the mic close to the mic Juliana get closer to the [ __ ] mic that was a lot
00:58:03
I don't remember Tito Bobby saying he yelled at you every episode
00:58:09
have you brought girls over to Bombay no no question no yes he has no I haven't
00:58:17
yes he has tonight yeah to clean up because I need somebody to
00:58:23
clean up wait so you have someone coming over is she gonna sleep over yeah wow I've had
00:58:29
already the same girls spend the night at the house but they don't like they just leave at 2 A.M I hear them no they
00:58:35
don't what do you mean yeah some of them do but this one stays the night um one time she spent the night she's
00:58:41
got something why it's good when they leave at 2am I'm just curious yeah yeah because I
00:58:47
hear them like there's stubs they're do you hear us no the moans no okay good
00:58:53
because there's nothing I'm Christian what are you guys moaning about he's just moaning at each other we watch movies
00:59:02
watch out huh when someone yeah when someone's a it's a it's always like Murder coming soon
00:59:08
got it are you dating someone seriously no yes no I'm not yes you are who me yeah
00:59:15
Andrew but no not no no I'm not but you know there's um yeah I'll be single for a very long
00:59:22
time I think have you ever cooked for a woman no never once I can cook what can you cook
00:59:28
spaghetti there it is good yeah you make sauce from scratch or you just open a
00:59:34
can of ragoon you want to tell me can I tell you what I do yeah okay I take that
00:59:39
wooden thing what that's very vague what that's very vague I know what is it a
00:59:45
cutting board exactly okay all right yeah I didn't even have to say it well you already knew what I was saying I did
00:59:51
cutting board got it I go to the store I buy veggies you buy veggies
00:59:57
but are you bringing The Cutting Board to the store with you are you doing it in the shop I bring it just to see if
01:00:03
the vegetables fit on The Cutting Board yeah that makes sense yeah so I'll like lay it down at the you know I mean the vegetable section right and I'll lay
01:00:10
things down there I go it fits that all fits yeah yeah that's weird but I'm glad I brought the cutting board so I bring I
01:00:17
buy onions got it mushrooms got it garlic
01:00:22
yeah what no no yep yeah how do you say it it's basil it's not
01:00:29
basil it's basil oh how do you say it basil exactly yeah it's basil okay
01:00:34
potato potato that's potato I buy that and then what I do and buy
01:00:40
ground beef why are you loving I love ground beef yeah but I get the ones that lean
01:00:46
that's sideways yes yeah it just does this yeah like the packaging it's all on
01:00:52
one side yeah it leans yeah and because I don't like what's filled or it's in the center
01:01:00
full beef is bad yeah lean beef the best and what I do is um I bring it all I
01:01:06
bring pasta just the dry stuff at the store you buy dry pasta yeah yeah
01:01:12
good you get the wet one I like it wet really I like it I like a wet noodle
01:01:19
yeah I dry it out I'm I'm a wet noodle yeah okay yeah so I bring all that stuff
01:01:25
home and then I um I take the cutting board because I bring it to the car because it's you know yeah it's in the
01:01:31
car yeah yeah I forget in the car always back up and then I chop each other
01:01:40
right and um so it goes like this when you chop up the vegetables go there
01:01:46
no yeah yeah you went there no yeah yeah so you chop it up you're on Ice you chop it up do you use chopsticks when you
01:01:52
chop it up stop it so I chop it right and then I
01:01:59
put olive oil in the skillet very smart thank you and then I uh I put the garlic
01:02:04
in low simmer and I start simmering the vegetables man okay right
01:02:09
is that my boring you where's the sauce I forgot to buy it from the store I
01:02:17
gotta go back you gotta go all the way back yeah I'm Gonna Leave The Cutting Board because it has nothing to do I think I should bring it all right
01:02:24
vegetables on it bring it put Saran wrap up put no I'm not doing that I'll take
01:02:31
the color look I already did now you have to bring it all right you have the cutting board with vegetables already I
01:02:37
don't know why I would have been full of vegetables at the store why not exactly yeah I'm at the [ __ ] pasta aisle here
01:02:43
you are at the pasta aisle all right what are you buying I don't get Barillo well you don't like gorilla I just don't
01:02:50
like the name yeah yeah which one do you like um I like
01:02:55
um yeah I don't think it's light blue with a yellow little label yes
01:03:03
anyway I get that I like spaghetti I don't like any other kind only noodles you like I like the
01:03:09
thin ones [ __ ] off yeah yeah bow tie [ __ ] off go [ __ ] yourself [ __ ] off go [ __ ]
01:03:17
gnocchi don't like it stay no key can stay oh it can yeah okay okay you're
01:03:22
welcome thank you so you got your spaghetti noodles I bring it back with the vegetables did you buy the sauce
01:03:27
this time or did we forget again we forgot it again yeah it went back and yeah and I get so I get at this point we
01:03:34
should just go to Olive Garden I get the Truffle company though truffle that's
01:03:40
the sauce oh right trough yeah trough right yeah and I get that and then I um so anyway simmer the um vegetables this
01:03:46
is that garlic all that stuff I drain it a bit all the excess oil and stuff and then um I put the meat in and I stir up
01:03:54
the meter and then I drain it again with the vegetables and the meat and then I put the sauce in the [ __ ] thing I
01:03:59
cooked that up meanwhile I'm having the [ __ ] I'm doing the [ __ ] pasta part what's going on over there I just put
01:04:06
the pasta on the [ __ ] thing oh no what I'll just ride on the Fire it doesn't seem to work it's so crunchy
01:04:14
for some reason she said she liked it yeah yeah so burnt pasta is your thing yeah no I put water and I have a timer
01:04:19
11 minutes right so you know down to the science yeah and I also taste it just in
01:04:25
case I don't like it to Al Dente Al Dente you want it soft but
01:04:30
also I don't like it too soft it's gonna be perfect for me I have a way of doing it I I when I when I stick it out I stick in my mouth that's it how do you
01:04:37
know I smile I go
01:04:42
like that do you think like do you think perfect noodle measurement is in your blood I think so like you're born with
01:04:49
it I think you were too you're not not the way you are thank you you're a
01:04:55
noodle king thank you you are my noodle king so I drained the a pasta I put the sauce on I eat it and you serve it to
01:05:02
this scumbag well no I she always eats the leftovers and then in the refrigeration yeah
01:05:08
Tupperware so that's the only thing I can cook spaghetti yeah will you cook it for this girl
01:05:14
no the girl that's coming over no you don't want to cook anything for her no now is it a kind of girl that gets you
01:05:20
to cook for her is that she has to deserve it and she's not made it to Bobby cook for you rank no I've never cooked for
01:05:26
anybody no one's ever reached that level of [ __ ] trust I know not even not even
01:05:32
the k almost she didn't get there after eight years I want two fingers in the butthole
01:05:38
so one so one finger is going to get you yeah order in it makes me calm are you
01:05:44
gonna order in with this girl tonight you're gonna go out no I would run what are you ordering for her either Maestro
01:05:50
is a boa fancy boy you spending that money no no
01:05:55
no what do you cook [Laughter]
01:06:01
wrote that reaction right there is the reaction somebody has when they're about to kill somebody for the first time yeah
01:06:10
like you're in the mafia you mean you use your first kill I cook what do you do
01:06:16
uh what's my favorite meal to cook what are we doing here I don't know oh
01:06:22
oh what do I cook I cook uh I'm at your house what are you doing here hi happy birthday oh is it my [ __ ] oh it
01:06:30
is hey thanks man yeah yeah yeah cook me something oh okay yeah it's your birthday please sit down yeah yeah I'll tell you I'm in
01:06:37
your living room I got uh I got uh spicy Italian sausage okay um yeah spicy
01:06:42
Italian sausage it's hot by the way that's how I like it okay well you're in my house so chill out okay peel these
01:06:49
potatoes I have to yeah you should I you never peeled a potato before you
01:06:55
have one of those mechanisms your teeth oh you do with your team well look at those things like the Irish do
01:07:01
yeah right peel potatoes cut them into cubes
01:07:07
get some chicken stock I'm cutting salt pepper throw that in there onions bell peppers carrots a mirepoix if you will
01:07:15
yeah right yeah throw that thing in there am I still doing this yeah yeah one potato
01:07:21
two potatoes oh yeah all right all right cut it up into fourths
01:07:42
put the Italian sausage in the pan cook it how do you like it burn it no but do how do you like a chop no it's already
01:07:48
caught up it's it's it's it's a ground it's ground Italian sausage all right put it in there yeah let it cook okay is
01:07:55
it cooked I don't know yet throw everything in the pot together right now hurry up I did is it in there yeah good
01:08:00
let's go out to eat [Laughter]
01:08:12
we're going out anyway all right listen what a ride it's been
01:08:18
but I will say this it's great to have Rudy Jules back I'm sad that we're not going to see you that
01:08:24
much so do me a favor and in the camera sign us out thank you for being a bad
01:08:30
friend [Music]
01:08:36
laughs [Music]
