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[Music] hey everyone from Texas Houston
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specifically I need you to buy tickets for my show on what it March 28th and
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29th of this year go to Houston
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improv.com buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt myself I'm going to hurt myself I might
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die you two are bad friends who are these
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two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are
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disgusting you two are something we're bad friends apparently you guys were talking a lot of when I wasn't here
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that's what I heard you don't know yourself I heard you guys talking a lot of [ __ ] while I wasn't here not even here
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to defend myself you guys are talking it's interesting uhhuh cuz when people talk behind your back to me I always
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defend you yeah I say he's not here to defend himself don't say that stuff about him it's so funny because um when
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I look in the mirror I I look at my Character defects as well so I know what my problems are you know you don't know
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what your problems are I know what your problems are for sure I know what yours are but whenever people talk about you
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and I hear it and I catch wind of it I grab it yeah I know where you saw it in
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your heart and I said you talk about my dog dude and they go oh so sorry man and
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I defend I I never talked about your dog I mean your wife I don't no I'm
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kidding that's crazy is that your bit that was crazy that was crazy is that your bit I'm so I got defensive and I
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apologize it's okay she's beautiful and I love her as a human well it's whatever you want to do today man I heard that
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you had so much fun without me you don't want me on the show anymore you your mind that's what I heard I turned down a
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pod with some so and so he got mad by the way why he came up to me the first thing out of his mou like hey buddy you
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don't want to p with me and I go oh no what Andrew's not there it's weird you know I mean didn't you do one with d
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Stefano call I know but it's like I I've never like we don't have that kind of
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and he was mad yeah but I love him doesn't seem like it seemed like you
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would have done the Pod with him if you loved him so much you know most people they'll go to the Salvation Army right to get their t-shirts not this guy
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kith you don't know what kith is man I've been to kith yeah I've been to kith with you in New York oh right I did I
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brought you along that's right yeah well I'm going to say you're coming at me today no I'm not coming at you dude you're coming at yourself my kith shirt
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yeah you're coming at yourself dude and that's the sad part how am I coming at myself you were like well you guys were talking about me no I heard the great
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you guys talking no we can bring up the clips we have them you dude bring them up oh the
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chair why do you have that that's Andrew seat oh really oh yeah yeah it sucks oh
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push PA no no no I already know the what what to say after that I hope so you just did the episode yeah you did a bit
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about I do did a bit about your little back let me see this what Andrew likes anyway click
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click click opens up his butt okay I know he has back he has back eges oh my god he has a spinal disc a gay little
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boy he's a gay disc he has a little gay discs in his back he's a gay they're dismantled you want to cry baby huh
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interesting interesting yeah keep going toilet remember a cry baby how do he hit his head on the toilet he got all woozy
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like wo I'm redheaded I get wo wow wow w w this is so good wait what's m
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interesting interesting it's interesting but also clever interesting interesting interesting interesting that was funny I
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mean it didn't make me laugh at all but it was very funny all right
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let's all right let's get it out let's get it out in the open I just said it yeah yeah so what I want to say is
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you've never talked about about me never do is do you have is it first of all no and if I did is it on
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tape no but I've heard people say that you talk about me yeah what do I say I don't remember really recall you I feel
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like you'd remember I think you're right I think you made yeah oh my bad I got caught in a lie oh that's okay um I
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don't know what was with me that day but um you're grooving I went no I wasn't grooving I was out of bounds out of
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pocket and um you know because you're such a big star yeah right I love when Carlos laughs at
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me cuz he know he gets my comedy somebody gets your comedy oh my God all right here we go okay here we go yeah
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let's not do this right now dude you know I I I want to say to you this okay
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cuz I heard you I want to say this absolutely destroyed in Phoenix shut up dude just kid all right now let me say
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roof off I have to say Saturday night second show was one My best performances
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wow but I also want to say this okay that um you have no idea how I feel about you okay dude let's move on no no
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no oh when it's positive you want to move on I'm over it let's no no I'm not over it all right I love you like your
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family H and with my family you kind of do little dig digs right on the side
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yeah yeah like you don't visit when you go to their Town yeah that was a big point of contention two things one yeah
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I did say to Carlos I made it do Simon Says before the show cuz I think he was
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stoned and I asked him and he's trying to tell me he's not but I looked into his eyes you look into his eyes I wear
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contact no he's Carlos it it' be it would be better if you were
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honest I didn't smoke weed today I smoked last night last night weed of course yeah yeah so now we know now
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you're fully gone relapse that's called California sober no that's not a real
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you can call it but people say that all over the internet but but it's not real that's like a fake I do meth but I have
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I'm Colorado sober it's Colorado sober it's the same thing it doesn't make any sense no this is like one in the Lexicon
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it was in White Lotus I think yeah yeah yeah but it doesn't mean you should do it I thought you were clean clean clean
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I thought we were all out when I saw him in the alleyway oh no in Australia yeah he had a glaze over his eyes I don't
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know what he was on what were you on in Australia in the alley marijuana that's it and you lied to me yes you lied to me
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you know what I did you lied to me you on a technicality I went into the hotel and I said Bobby I'm not drinking why
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what do you mean because I need something on this Earth Bobby doesn't need anything he should have something
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though no he has lots of things I do agree I should have something you have sugar-free Red Bull and cigarettes yeah
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but sometimes I want more to drown my Soros what do you want I mean sometimes I would love to smoke weed you know I
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mean to zone out but you don't need to I don't need to and I I've been three years I haven't so that's great why why
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would we crack now because my fear though is is that once that door is open I do all the other stuff and I can't
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have that yeah so I just decide to do all I mean yeah because what he's saying also can happen to you you may decide so
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what dude I'm I'm G to be San Bernardino sober and just have one pill yeah you do pills too you do do pills you that's so
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such project project to me I Pro only Xanax and Lexapro
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which those those prescribed from those are called pills but you get them at Walgreens I know but they can prescribe
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any I do math but I only smoke it that's what it sounds like it's not cartel stuff so it's good all right well
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whatever I I'm just looking out for your well-being yeah I'd rather you be clean as a whistle clearheaded I know but I'm
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just I'm going sober Carlos my history with Carlos is this when I first met him
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he was full full-blown in Al colic Anonymous it great and anyone that's in AA right people aren't because they had
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like you know what I mean an accident it takes a lot of pain and suffering to drive you into a 12-step
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group yeah and to be committed to it right so that's you know your history with it right you know that you're an
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alcoholic and drug addict do you yeah you have other addictions too like sexs
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too that's that's not a pointing it's not a it's not a pointing the I'm not arguing with you this not like a tit
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fortat but Bobby's being like Oh I Mr her sober and I know everything and but he's also that's not true he's not being
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I know everything Mr sober he's just saying to to get back on the right track and stay clean have I done any drugs or
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alcohol since I got sober three years ago no but you've literally done them with me okay but this okay I you see
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what he's doing that's the drug addiction Jedi [ __ ] yeah you are Jedi [ __ ] dude you're angling you're dude
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yeah you're trapping and angling you're leading into a corner you're trapped You're a Rat trapped in a COR you're a rat trap yeah you're a rat trapped think
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like rats should get in trouble for like having a little bit of cheese a rat as fat as you doesn't need
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any more cheese ex taking the Pudo anyway let's move on let's move on yeah yeah but um had a great time in the city
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of Minnesota so uh Andrew did his um special he did four shows I did to cut
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it together it's going to be a wonderful um piece of artwork well I hope so it was a really it was a little bit of a
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challenge at the beginning finding everything the way that I wanted to find it and also boy oh boy was I upset at my
00:09:28
team Shan Gillis was in town Kevin Hart was in town I was like what the [ __ ] oh
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so I saw a photo with you and Shane Gilly played the Target Center where the Minnesota Timberwolves play and Kevin
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played a big theater uh like he did like four the five theaters or something um
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all in Minneapolis that weekend but did your were your shows full no yeah they sold out but I'm what is what's the
00:09:52
problem no no no no I'm just saying thank God Shane sells out same day cuz imagine if Shane was playing big
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theaters and he was an act that could sell out an arena same day then we would we definitely share some audience do you
00:10:05
know what I mean like Kevin and I definitely no crossover uh we joked we were like Kevin
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was Shane goes I guess you and I had to split all the whites in town I was like yeah Kevin there's no competion yeah but
00:10:18
I mean thank God Shane's so famous he sold out the Target Center the same day wow that's how famous he is like we I'm
00:10:24
lucky we got around to it but I think it's a bummer because ticket prices are so stupid now and we can't control them
00:10:30
anymore it sucks the promoters Ticket Master the venues it's disgusting what they do now and people can't go to both
00:10:36
people couldn't see me on Friday and see Shane on Saturday there's no way they could afford that I think it [ __ ]
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sucks so I wish I wish they communicated to go hey this guy's in town shooting
00:10:48
can we reserve this you know this weekend if we could skip it or come back to claiming about something that didn't
00:10:54
happen though no no I do think it affected the way that I moved the at the end moved tickets at at the end oh I see
00:11:00
do you know what I mean like it it definitely changed people cuz people the first time I played the um Philadelphia helium yeah I love that club I showed up
00:11:07
at the club I'm not kidding it's not an exaggeration I showed up at the first show on a Friday night there was seven
00:11:13
people oh my God right and I kind of looked around I go oh I guess it's I'm
00:11:19
not big here you right they're like oh no it's just literally right across the street Chappelle's there and I go I oh I
00:11:27
got booked right and then the second show was fulled and and half the audience was like oh we saw the
00:11:33
Chappelle show earlier and we came to B that's pretty rad still the first show I
00:11:39
was going to kill myself in oh yeah yeah when you can't I mean I understand what you're saying well when you're fighting when you're fighting Upstream because
00:11:46
people can't see both and he takes a lot I mean he's so famous Shane's the best he's the biggest so it's you know yeah
00:11:51
you can't fight that but anyway it was a good weekend in Minneapolis I love I loved Minneapolis although I was scared to come home once again because of the
00:11:58
flights bro I had turbulence last night but it's getting out of control it is today how many another cash no no no
00:12:05
dude a Southwest plane almost hit a private jet today today today oh my God
00:12:11
it look at this near Miss it's Landing or taking off it's landing and is that it the
00:12:19
Jet's right there yeah the Jet's right there look at that it's landing and the Jet is coming and so he took off again
00:12:25
oh my God is it the what what do they call the people of the tower the fa well no the
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control tower the people in the control tower control to Tower people control tower people yeah yeah yeah a control is
00:12:37
it their fault what is going on here I don't know man something's going on though like do you not believe that
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could have been a disaster dude yeah everybody dead everyone dead how is this not yeah think something's going on can
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we make up a conspiracy please did they fire all of Thea okay I have a conspiracy Is that real all the white on
00:12:56
I have a conspiracy and I think it's connect so hear me out guys I heard your
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joke and I'm sorry they I didn't laugh it's okay I didn't like
00:13:07
it just please okay your resentment right now is so evident so it's you're
00:13:12
gaslighting me dude you're trying to get me resentment look we know you're not high now were was that gas lighting no
00:13:18
there was no lighting there there there was thank you there was no lighting from Andrew my mistake I I thought I saw little light yeah there's no light and
00:13:25
if you saw when it was dim sod s sit down you Dum dumb no you're not a dumb
00:13:31
dumb dude yeah he's one of the dumbest dude he's one of the dumbest on Earth you really think that yeah he's one of the smartest dudes in com no no you're
00:13:40
right all right let me finish this point and then we'll get to you yeah Dan Soder yeah dude love you I love you too the
00:13:48
last time we did a gig together you weren't that nice to me [ __ ] that is 100% in your head but there's no real this well yeah cuz it was two gigs we
00:13:55
hung out with I know where was it on the Bert Tour on the her so it's chaos you're just in the middle of chaos yeah
00:14:01
but he you know I try to start conversations there's no dick locking no no no I want to dick lock with first off I'll dock with you all day go get
00:14:08
foreskin put on my penis in order to dock you I'll do whatever you believe you whatever the reverse let me finish
00:14:14
my theory here Dan and we'll get to you okay all right anyway um this is good you're
00:14:19
going to want to hear this yeah so I think the reason why um there's a connection between the flights you know
00:14:25
I mean getting in these accidents all the Flight crash and the Drone that we saw a month ago oh the the Chinese
00:14:32
drones yeah wasn't there a lot of drones a couple of months ago around right New Jersey New Jersey it was it was in
00:14:38
California as well it was everywhere really yeah there I could there be a
00:14:43
link there you think something in Alien airspace something UFO airspace what what what what could it be are you
00:14:49
thinking like the drones are causing the accidents maybe there's a connection is all I'm saying I like that you're saying
00:14:55
it like a CIA Guy where you go there could be a connection yeah I'm not saying affirmative I'm not saying negative do you ever see Zero Dark 30
00:15:02
brother I've never seen have you seen Zero Dark 30 yeah I haven't you haven't no there's another documentary called
00:15:08
Manhunt yeah okay well guess who caught who did they track let me ask you who
00:15:14
did they track to get to Osama Bin Laden exactly right The
00:15:22
Courier the mail delivery guy no he used one guy for information so he there was
00:15:27
one guy yeah that would drive to his Abu Amed Al yeah right that dude right is that
00:15:34
air K it is air you know and now he's doing standup and he's very successful
00:15:40
you know mean um what a second act yeah right right just being a hilarious
00:15:47
standup comic yeah you know he's a courier for b l in a movie I would cast
00:15:52
Michael Pena I think 100% looks like Michael P yeah and not um Amir k no it be Michael pen yeah yeah anyway so I
00:15:58
think so in in the the one lady in the CIA was like we I think we should track
00:16:04
The Courier and everyone was like no no no no no right but that ended up being the truth and she didn't even really
00:16:11
know what the connection was but she followed a gun's Instinct I think that's what I'm doing with the [ __ ] drones D
00:16:17
so your instinct is that the drones are making the planes crash I don't know exactly the connection between them but there's an gun Instinct there you just
00:16:22
feel like it is you go I feel like he two I feel like it is yeah what's your
00:16:28
theory S I don't know these plane crashes are crazy how many are happening there's also an avoided one did you guys see the one we we just talked about that
00:16:35
just now that I have whenever something like this happens I immediately empathize with the other plane just like
00:16:41
remember when the uh bridge in Baltimore where the boat drove into the bridge yeah dude just this moment of like I
00:16:47
don't know anything about it please explain to me that catastrophe there was a boat that like it was like one of those uh short stack boats almost like
00:16:54
uh you can bring it up I want I want the clinical version of the boat because I don't get short I don't even know what
00:17:00
that means I made that up see it's like a Carri a freight a freighter boat freighter boat ran into a bridge Dark
00:17:05
Knight they had those in the Dark Knight a dark nightbat dark knat I call it a dark nightbat in the biz we call it a
00:17:11
dark night because remember the in the dark the first Batman movie wasn't there like a thing where he first goes I'm
00:17:17
Batman which is a dead-on impression yeah it was perfect yeah really thought Christian Bale was in the room these are
00:17:23
called container ships container ships but would doesn't that sound more made up than short stack I know
00:17:29
mine was completely made up short stack sounds great short stack I call Brad Williams short stack right right so
00:17:36
that's my nickname for him but my point is is that so what happened here so this this like uh this boat went into the
00:17:42
bridge and you see it at night it like shuts the lights off and it [ __ ] [ __ ] up were two people on the road yeah I
00:17:48
don't know I don't know if anyone died in that no people did die a few people did die yeah yeah the cars yeah a few
00:17:53
people are on no one on the boat died and all the containers were safe by the way but everyone USS to go like oh
00:17:58
terrorist this was a terrorist attack or whatever but just like the small jet that almost got hit this time just like a guy being an idiot [ __ ] being like
00:18:06
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] dude is that is that [ __ ] plane about to take off [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] it's like coming
00:18:11
down and you're like f [ __ ] and someone's just yelling your name in your ear going like Bobby Bobby and like I've
00:18:18
said that when I was entering a woman's vagina yeah that's a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah no but no in a panic like that like I
00:18:23
shouldn't be doing it oh right you know [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and and then
00:18:29
somebody dies yeah have you ever had sex with somebody you didn't want to have sex with I don't know how to answer that by
00:18:38
you mean like just like I like I wasn't physically attracted to or that no but you just knew that they were little cray cray you know sometimes you little cray
00:18:45
you're like what's going to happen once I enter this that's my early 20s brother yeah man I don't know if you've ever
00:18:50
been to Tucson Arizona yeah yeah brother brother tell me about it brother I was living it did you have any did you have
00:18:56
any um double XXL did you ever go down that road anybody heavy yeah I like how a larger lady I mean double XL oh no
00:19:04
like I vastly outweighing so I I have a way and I'm not lying I had sex with one
00:19:10
time Year many many years ago with a 400 lb woman that is that's not I don't think that's physically possible it
00:19:16
happened in Phoenix 20 years ago did they have to lower you my brother hooked it up did they have to lower you down
00:19:22
into her I don't know if it's a hookup yeah it's a hook down it's a hook down yeah yeah for sure yeah but um it was
00:19:29
like a medical procedure she's like I'm going to lay on my back then you're going to enter me and I um I did it
00:19:35
though like like a soldier yeah you went through with it yeah cuz sometimes you you're Nom right you're in Hamburger
00:19:43
Hill yeah get it you're going through it right and your sergeant goes we got to [ __ ] take over this hill and you're
00:19:49
up first and you yeah and you don't want to but you end up up there anyway and you get friends slaughtered and whatnot
00:19:56
but you're still fighting for your life black HW down Black Hawk Down say it's so Asian Blackhawk Down
00:20:04
yeah Blackhawk down down you know I recently saw the Netflix documentary on it and I rewatched the movie are you
00:20:10
getting like thirdhand PTSD from these movies yeah you're coming back yeah so
00:20:16
anyway um oh yeah so I that's what I did with this lady how was it um 400's
00:20:22
pretty big I mean you did have sex with a water bed yeah yeah well at that see the thing is at that time this was
00:20:29
premat TV oh before you got on yeah so before I got on let me tell you she liked you for who you really were
00:20:35
through a yeah well she saw me MC The Improv in Tempe you she's eating a
00:20:40
bucket of chicken a nice Saturday night special and a Mad TV comes on and she goes yeah my little lover my little I
00:20:47
used to [ __ ] that gu my little spelunker but here's the sad part of the story and I feel so bad about it and I think about
00:20:53
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00:24:00
know if I should but I'm going to do it anyway right so years later when I was kind got on mad this and that I redid
00:24:07
the room I think as I was featuring for someone big you know what I mean and I
00:24:13
don't know why but I was walking you know when they bring you up I was walking toward the St stage somebody grabbed my jacket or my shirt long SLE
00:24:21
shirt and I look over and it's her no I just see this fat hand on like how strong was that grip you what how strong
00:24:29
was like a gorilla grabbed you or walrus where you go flipper it was a walrus flipper you know when animal trainers
00:24:35
realize that it's out of control yeah dude like Bobby gave one of those where he goes give it back okay we're not
00:24:40
playing anymore Kiko Kiko stop Kiko stop no it it was more like a leper
00:24:47
grabbing you back in the day no you like get away from I did this I went I pulled it away like that yeah and
00:24:55
then after my set I ran down out so she couldn't grab me damn and I stayed in
00:25:00
the green room so I wouldn't run into I feel so bad about it she was clawing at the door yeah and you hear it like a dog on
00:25:06
a just smelling you under the door what's your fattest you think oh Jesus
00:25:11
uh I don't know you know I'm over 200 so I would imagine probably over that what do you what do you hover at two I walk
00:25:18
around at 215 do you really I would like to be 210 what do you 63 yeah yeah
00:25:23
that's good yeah but I nothing nothing extreme yeah you've never have you ever
00:25:29
been like embarr when you step on the scale have you ever been like Jesus Dan yeah what was the what was the Jesus Dan
00:25:35
240 whoa and it was just like uh after a breakup and it was just sweet season I
00:25:41
just quit drinking yeah I'd quit drinking like a couple years before and then he was just like eating everything
00:25:46
sweet seasons do you never had a sweet season when you quit doing drugs and alcohol you're not really a sweet's guy
00:25:52
you like what is it Savory over sweet right that's interesting you say that because you're absolutely wrong
00:25:58
really I don't know you'd eat a lot of sweets whenever we get I hide it you do Secret sweetie pie yeah I do I have a
00:26:05
drawer in my bedroom with um gummy colas great right I've never seen you be a
00:26:11
sweets boy and then I have bags of these like candies with like salt in it in the
00:26:17
middle of it oh so it's sweet and savory yeah yeah right you know what you're your your candy the Mexican like when
00:26:24
they use the mango and they put that stuff what's it called what are you talking about baby oh oh oh oh you're talking about
00:26:30
umah yes that's a t in the middle yeah so it's got a little spice a little bit
00:26:35
of spice yeah you know what's funny dude cuz whenever we go eat you you like the Savory stuff and then when we get
00:26:41
dessert you'll take a bite but but you're not like a you reason why I take a bite I have bites at home yeah you do
00:26:47
in the hotel room you're godamn right how do you [ __ ] know are you a secret sweetie I'm I'm out in the open with it
00:26:53
yeah brother I live it it's Easter season so I'm in I'm in knee deep in the [ __ ] they're doing jelly beans I just
00:26:59
picked up two bags of jelly beans didn't even mean to what wow because you got Jolly Rancher it's Easter season so
00:27:05
everyone's doing their like their Jelly Bean I got Jolly Rancher and Airhead jelly beans wow I'm I'm a Savory guy
00:27:13
dude late night I want I know that about I want a food food yeah because you drink you're getting all your sugar through the booze when you cut it that's
00:27:20
when you want that that's what it is yeah I didn't give I didn't give a [ __ ] about sweets when I drank I mean I still
00:27:25
like having a little bit of Sweet Tooth thing when we got go out to I always have a little bit of dessert took down a
00:27:30
mini bag of cadburry uh eggs bad boy dude just [ __ ] landed and thought why
00:27:37
not I want to say something to you I've always thought this and I I I don't want to be rude oh man here it go and I don't
00:27:44
want to cause any friction I think it's going to do both no I don't think so okay I think I'm being very mindful
00:27:50
about it but it's OB observation I've had over the years I've never been brave enough to tell you mhhm but you're one
00:27:56
of those Comics like if you did didn't do comedy I just don't know oh what I do
00:28:02
yeah yeah you know what you I I have a prediction what you would have been doing yeah I know yeah so you know that you go to Soho and they have those
00:28:08
Boutique shops it's always some sort of like arbitrary like name like fzz n y
00:28:14
you I love fcz got some so let's go into Vini or whatever right and then you go
00:28:20
in there and there's like this guy he looks like a John Wick villain he's got a black overcoat oh yeah right and just
00:28:27
like tattoos on the neck eyeliner yeah eyeliner a lot of jewelry yeah yeah yeah and I don't know how much they make probably not good who cares who cares
00:28:35
that's what you'd be doing I can't think of something that is more opposite of who I am as a human no I'm saying you
00:28:41
like I never seen an just an insane Miss like that that is you have you have you
00:28:47
know you have zero working knowledge of me as a human being if you think I'm anywhere close I have dressed the same
00:28:54
like I'm moving since I was 12 years old yeah understand what I'm saying to you Dan
00:29:01
he's a labor bit I would never wear rings I can't wear a watch thin wrists this is information I was not privy to
00:29:08
well guess what brother before you diagnose take a look at the X-ray cuz I'm sitting right here I'm a kind of
00:29:14
doctor where I don't look at the xay I diagn come you go diagnos you go it's cancer and they go is it you go could be
00:29:20
though yeah yeah could be always could be Dr Lee this is a dentist's office he's like he's got stomach cancer I can
00:29:26
tell yeah yeah sorry s Soder I think would be than you'd be a laborer of some
00:29:31
kind I I could see you I would be getting in trouble for being funny correct on a site on a job site
00:29:38
somewhere where I'd have to be somewhat serious I would be getting in trouble for try I can see you getting tied up with wringling brothers and you
00:29:44
assembling part of the tents and also announcing stuff I honestly that's way close you put me on the mic for the
00:29:51
[ __ ] flying jeis or whoever whoever's in sequins doing flips in the air and I
00:29:56
get to build a tent yeah killed it and then I make a mistake and then and a couple families and then it's back to
00:30:02
the railroads you know you're you're you're you know him if I got my four roses you know my little flask of
00:30:07
Whiskey in My traveling jacket [ __ ] dude I I have another observation about I'm
00:30:14
so sorry he goes you and your dad you and your dad are best friends that was very good that's very good what you said I I know s he also seems like this guy
00:30:22
right well you meet a girl yeah a beautiful girl right and you go hey you want to go on day she goes I have a boyfriend right and then when you
00:30:28
actually meet it's like him yeah and I'm like what the [ __ ] you dating this guy for that's okay am I right warm am I
00:30:34
getting warm yeah very warm yeah I understand it now yeah I know you have a girlfriend a
00:30:40
wife I have a fiance fiance I understand it now like I understand Shane Gillis Shane Gillis with his girl the
00:30:47
influencer lady yeah would have never made sense in any other scenario besides what beside famous comic influencer I
00:30:55
don't think so you underestimate Shane yeah I knew him before I knew so he was
00:31:00
deep in hot chicks before before he got bit by the radioactive spider and he became Shane man okay he he's dude he's
00:31:07
Charming he's lowkey he's lowkey a CutiePie you're miss everybody needs Fame no no okay how about this you're
00:31:14
you're you're missing a few key points by the way you go to the Midwest you go to the Midwest you see beautiful women
00:31:22
with big guys guys yeah like Canada and I'm going tell you right now I used to
00:31:28
go with Shane Shane used to go on the road with me and feature for me and when we would go to like Boston or something
00:31:34
like that boy would we were both single boy would clean up yeah cuz the ladies would be like o I want me a pale Daddy
00:31:42
and he'd be like shut up you're gay and they be like o I need them freckles and he like he
00:31:49
looks like a white guy that's been in water like a dead corpse oh my God are you calling him bloated no I'm not
00:31:55
saying that I'm just saying the eyes bulge like it's been like a swamp I got to tell you something right now I'm wrong he's going to come get you you
00:32:01
don't want that you want to start this war dude you are calling on you're yelling at a clouds me up you're yelling
00:32:07
at like a little boy and I like it and we have that relationship right I'm not
00:32:12
you know Shane if you're listening right now or if you get this clip he will I'm just I give you props all day long
00:32:17
you're one of the funniest comics on planet Earth right you're the king and you deserve all your success that's not
00:32:24
what I'm saying think you have like you know like you know in Lord the Rings like maybe the second or third movie
00:32:30
right remember the Frodo and those guys went to the U swamp yeah and gollum's
00:32:35
like don't look in the water who's in the water the these dead elves from like
00:32:40
thousands of years ago oh my god dude you know what I mean that's all I'm saying just don't look in the water starting a war yeah I'm not starting a
00:32:46
war anyway I didn't mean in a bad way let's anyway so store is just crazy
00:32:52
whenever I go to those stores I I always look at the guy and I go oh there's a version of Dance that's what you think
00:32:58
damn what are you doing why can you back me once cuz I think you're insanely I think you're [ __ ] up you're out of
00:33:05
bound don't do that I'm sorry don't do that I [ __ ] doing I'm over here saving you for I'm tired of being
00:33:12
bullied by people like you I'm saving you from a war I tried to [ __ ] befriend you at the tour see what he
00:33:17
doing see what he's doing I see it I'm tired of being bullied by you after you just went after him and then Shane gills
00:33:22
you're oh oh really you're bul you're bullying fting
00:33:28
you're 100% bulli I'm being honest you're mad that the Soho thing didn't land and then you bullied Shane Gillis
00:33:34
yeah you went after my friend you're the bully dude well the next time I say a thing just agree with me okay you know
00:33:40
what yeah yeah maybe that's the new rule but let's both hey Bobby I'm down but
00:33:46
let's make this cool on all of us all right this like trying to negotiate we're all going to be cool we're going to be cool we're all going to be cool
00:33:52
we're going to make a point we can all agree on okay right thank you point we can all agree on ready you think everything you say I agree with no but I
00:33:59
always laugh and I always agree yeah that's what friendship's all about all right I don't your diabolical East Coast
00:34:06
[ __ ] way of thinking what can I say something I know what soor something happened on The Bert tour between you
00:34:12
guys that's unresolved no we had fun was it when I hurt my lip you hurt your lip but you were gone I didn't see you I
00:34:19
texted you I'm one of the only people that texted you when you called me with Ralph Barbosa I picked up and I said I was one
00:34:25
of the only people that texted you okay you bust busted your lip and on the tour bus on the tour bus yeah we were on our way to
00:34:31
Florida we in Florida I feel like you were like one of the last people to text I think that's what it was okay I I
00:34:37
honestly check the receipt I think I now I'm just testing you you you you're supposed to agree with me I thought the
00:34:43
rule was [ __ ] I [ __ ] up Bobby Bobby hey Bobby I was testing him he doesn't
00:34:48
follow the rules Bobby look at me I'm sorry that was on me there we go it's easy as that give me something to agree
00:34:54
we're back in right Dax flame definitely has a bigger penis you than me yeah yeah
00:35:00
that's see yeah is it true know I you know what I don't I don't care cuz that kind of loyalty yeah
00:35:08
that's where it is [ __ ] the truth I'd rather have that there it is that's I want you to be loyal got it okay and I
00:35:14
will agree with everything you say say something that I might not agree with but I'll agree with it honestly I think
00:35:20
uh gummy sodas kind of suck I agree and whenever I'm eating them I don't even understand why the light in my mouth do
00:35:27
you how easy that is yeah throw it back to me yeah yeah yeah good yeah yeah um
00:35:34
you look like a um all right no no let him go you look like a fluffer and gay porn yeah absolutely strong jaw looking
00:35:41
like I'm just getting big gay raw called stiff it's called right adding
00:35:46
information and agreeing in yes and now now you want back to him um I'm just
00:35:52
going to say it right now it shouldn't be illegal to eat a homeless person's ass it should not be yeah I went for a
00:35:58
nighttime walk I go for a nighttime walk a lot and I go for a nighttime walk in the same little stretch of area by my
00:36:04
neighborhood and this homeless guy must have heard me like talking on the phone
00:36:09
and he yelled out I live here and I and I felt bad I was like
00:36:15
sorry yeah S I said sorry where does he stay like there's so like by the LA
00:36:21
River there's like a walking path and people there's like tents that are up underneath tucked under you can't see
00:36:27
them and but he's right he does live there I was talking loud the and I apologized
00:36:33
the the thought of him in makeshift reading glasses reading the back of a label and him going will you shut the
00:36:39
[ __ ] up yeah I'm reading he's mixing chemical I live here I'm trying to make
00:36:44
a new form of Hooch he's reading dooi he's like anyway man was kov really
00:36:49
didn't have to murder that way I did call the cops and get him removed yeah got to clean up the streets dude can't
00:36:54
put up with that [ __ ] dude now how how do you feel about the homeless how do I feel about give a genuine your
00:37:00
opinion well he doesn't see them now in New York they're all hibernating yeah they're all in the they're all in the tunnels yeah where do they go in the
00:37:05
tunnels honestly you don't know it's just like it's like a crisp it's like a crisp fall day and then they're just
00:37:11
where are they and then it gets hot and then you're like oh I can't walk my dog may they're frozen and they thaw that
00:37:17
might be you go seasons are changing they're start help me yeah animate yeah yeah and then now it's March yeah they
00:37:25
you you do the position Yeah March
00:37:31
March yeah exactly I live here yeah yeah you just did the Dewing
00:37:36
of a homeless man perfect and that's comedy 101 that's called a and that's what we do here at bad friends and
00:37:42
that's how talented he is by the way that's that's just inom man we just did the movie in man don't don't please
00:37:48
don't do this everything's fitted for a reboot right now honestly tell me Bobby Lee and the Brendan Frasier role you
00:37:54
would be in great and Ceno man you is the new weasel yeah oh let's go um let's
00:38:01
okay let's talk about what they should remake ah yeah okay can we talk about
00:38:06
what movies they should I'm going to go down the same line of where we already are one of my favorite movies that's underrated AirHeads I [ __ ] would love
00:38:13
a new AirHeads but how do you do AirHeads radio doesn't matter anymore podcast oh they like they like take over
00:38:19
like I never saw AirHeads you oh you would love it Brendan Frasier you got Adam Sandler Sandler dude Bui so these
00:38:27
three guys are like they're they're a shitty band and they badly want to get on the on the radio back when like if
00:38:32
you get your record played once it was like you were home free on a on a radio yeah and they decide they're going to
00:38:37
hijack a local radio station because they just can't get any [ __ ] radio play and it's basically die hard at a
00:38:43
radio station yeah that's amazing it's [ __ ] aw but they're the bad guys the good guys are the bad guys they're like idiots they take over the radio station
00:38:49
but you root for them because they're so down tring let's remake AirHeads This Is Us by the way Soder is obviously Frasier
00:38:55
you're the tallest I'm Sandler and you're bamy I mean let's do it what about remaking Gremlins love it one or how
00:39:03
about one and two let's start give me the whole franchise start with one yeah start with one start if anybody I'll tell you right now I'm so and I want to
00:39:10
I I want to be a MW you are a [ __ ] mwai honestly if they ever do a reboot
00:39:15
and you're not voicing the MW yeah someone's missing big I want to be
00:39:21
the put fur on me what about Goonies no
00:39:28
ah I can't touch that it's Pitch Perfect it'sit it's also because that childhood
00:39:34
fantasy of like neighborhood play I don't even know if people do that I don't know if kids do that like go to
00:39:39
the wood that's a good point that's a good point do kids get in trouble in the you see the lady in Georgia that got arrested cuz your son walked like half a
00:39:46
mile to a store I remember yeah I saw thatan insane 10 years old she was charged right yeah yeah child
00:39:52
endangerment oh that's yeah the kids wouldn't do it so that's why it wouldn't make any sense they call it amazing they
00:39:57
call that free range parenting now what when you just let your kid be a kid when you're not helicoptering anymore now
00:40:04
it's called free range I ran away from home for a week I'm not kidding you my parents didn't go to the Hops why would
00:40:10
they cuz they just knew you were going to come back I came in the house at for a week my dad go
00:40:15
hello and I go all right that's the reception yeah it is funny that like it was such a not big there were kids that
00:40:22
I knew growing up whose parents were real real like Loosey Goosey you know D I had a friend that didn't have to check
00:40:28
in with his parents to sleep over just could just do it he could he could [ __ ] he could turn the key and launch it himself you go you want to sleep over
00:40:34
he goes yeah you're going to call her he go what for I don't want to bug him yeah I don't know I think they they probably you know where she is she's at the
00:40:40
casino anyway she's up in Blackhawk can I say this is a controversial say I want think
00:40:45
I want to say let it rip is I feel like the bullying that I received was necessary yes when you were a kid yes
00:40:53
put your head in this toilet you're not going to be able to breathe for two all that you never got Sly in real life what you never got a swirly oh my God I was I
00:40:59
was locked I like old school I was locked in a locker for 4 hours no way yeah yeah those half Locker so I had to
00:41:07
crouch it was insane what grade ninth no even younger like probably second grade
00:41:13
or third grade thought freshman year freshman year sounds like exactly what happen and I I definitely heard teachers walk by and I was screaming and they
00:41:19
didn't even help me well you hear teachers like is Bobby Lee in that's so funny go go to Lounge go to Lounge go to
00:41:26
L I just feel like that um sort of like made me strong enough to do comedy onl yeah absolutely do you know there's kids
00:41:32
that are like they're giving OIC to like fat kids now and you're like no no no you're going to you're not going to have
00:41:38
funny people when you grow up yeah let them level out right let them be fat and weird and awkward let everyone Gillis
00:41:44
dude you want that smoke doing it again I don't know why you're doing honestly I'm trying to agree with you you know what I'm trying to bring down the king
00:41:51
wow yeah I'm willing to do it you know it's hard to bring down the king when you're a rook damn did you just write
00:41:57
that yeah just write that thank you dog did you [ __ ] yeah and I'll be honest
00:42:02
with you did you just spit that off the top of your car the last gig that he did did you do the show the last gig the
00:42:09
will turn one with Bill bur and Shane Gillis I did that show yeah yeah I wasn't asked oh they told me why they
00:42:15
didn't ask because it was a strict timeline they had to keep and they were like Bob will Bob be on time to sing I
00:42:20
said no no chance damn that hurts me so bad dude that you
00:42:26
wouldn't that's really hurtful that's not true they didn't they didn't ask he would they would never ask me is my
00:42:33
point this to sh this [ __ ] it's not [ __ ] you don't welcome to the show and thanks for doing it yeah absolutely than
00:42:39
for having me I'm in a mood I'm sorry and honestly I love it it's like holding a cat with its claws out exactly still
00:42:46
sweet trying to keep you away from the problem marage that's oh yeah yeah that's good that's good that's good I
00:42:51
have a problems with some other kings here man if we're doing this let's D hugley Steve Harvey
00:42:58
I have problem yeah I have problems with them as well and rest in peace Bernie ber the
00:43:03
king of all King the true king the true king of kings right who has bulg is like
00:43:09
somebody else we know dud what are you doing bro who are you talking about I'm telling you we hold council with the man
00:43:16
and you're coming over and you're going to you're going to get you're going to get done sometimes Slovenia needs to have start a war with the United States
00:43:23
no no they don't that's a terrible [ __ ] idea that's something you say coming out out of a nap
00:43:30
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00:43:37
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for finally throwing out that orange mustard colored hoodie that I just can't let go cuz my nana gave it to me when I
00:44:51
was a kid okay it's time to reset your grooming routine because let's face it your downstairs situation that BAS
00:44:57
basement huh it's uh it's looking anything like Bobby's diet it's wild and unkempt and concerning uh it's time for
00:45:03
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Bobby still calls a mustache you spent all winter looking like on if he let Bobby give him a haircut or if I went on
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00:45:43
no longer uh have carpet down there they don't match the drapes it's hardwood floors ladies and germs they got skin
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00:46:24
level up your grooming game today that's not something you you're right you're right no no who's first you want
00:46:30
to throw a stone at I'm curious now he said you wanted another king another c yeah okay I I'll throw this out Billy
00:46:36
Burr wow yeah he goes his way of say he's like he'll call me kiddo right does
00:46:43
he rub your head you guys are the same age I know and he doesn't really um you know what I mean talk to me that much
00:46:51
hey what do you want to be when you grow up yeah what he says he doesn't talk to anybody that much bill is a very quiet I
00:46:56
don't like that you wanted him to be more chatty more chatty Bill bur to be more chatty I've I love him he loves you
00:47:03
too we've worked together many times yeah anyway let's move on okay shots are fired shots are not fired I mean no why
00:47:10
because I said that Shang GIS is bloated looking how is that a shot fir that's legitimately a shot fir yeah okay is it
00:47:17
not am I crazy and of all weeks he's okay here we go I know he's hosting SNL
00:47:22
that doesn't look Shane Gill oh my god dude you're [ __ ] damn shut up if V
00:47:27
imagine audas Beach and Shane Gillis at it Bingo look at that there he is I will
00:47:33
say this you are my best friend and I love you so much I'm going I cannot wait for him to come back at you like it's
00:47:39
[ __ ] honestly it's going to be great I just I feel like a fur trapper that's come out of the mountains and told you
00:47:44
like you don't want that war dude you think that's Gilly I'd give
00:47:49
you some Sam Elliott knowledge right now and say Bobby sometimes you eat the bear well sometimes the bear eats
00:47:57
you that's not funny that's not funny yeah the way you said it my tongue stop it [ __ ] you dude thanks for
00:48:05
coming I'm loving what whatever's going on I'm going to say this you're huming hot I'm humming hot right now okay I'm
00:48:12
on fire dude you're pinned I'm I'm going to try to dig my way out all right when that whole that whole
00:48:20
thing happened with Shane you know what I mean yeah yeah I was the first one to defend him mhm number two
00:48:27
the first time I saw him perform I thought to myself oh well I would never want to follow that yeah he's a beast
00:48:34
yes he's an absolute Beast right um he's at the top of his game absolutely he's got a beautiful girlfriend right yes I
00:48:41
met I know his dad love him Phils a legend great guy right I've been only respectful to his family right I did a
00:48:49
little dig I did a little I did a little I'm going to tell you right now you
00:48:54
moonwalking son of a [ __ ] oh hi move walk brother yeah yeah yeah I do that might
00:49:01
there that might have saved you exactly you walk walked I walked Walked point is
00:49:06
that and I only have the greatest admirations and he's one of the kings of the world right now he's a beast that's
00:49:12
your call and I I discovered this when we did no please don't call them I discovered this when me and Shane
00:49:19
were guest stars on the Burton Tom show in Vegas yeah I went up first right and
00:49:26
I he was supposed to go before me and I switched it I brought Shane on mhm and this is in
00:49:33
front of 15 20,000 seeds I was there yeah you were there yeah and when I said his name the kind of response that he
00:49:40
got went through my I had a spiritual awakening you felt that is that really
00:49:45
your laugh yeah that's how I laugh that made me laugh Gilly all right what up bro I want
00:49:52
to tell you you're on the Pod and we can cut it for sure because I never want to trap you but soda's over here right now s sers in
00:49:58
studio the man and Bobby is over here he's on a hot one he's talking [ __ ] about you and we all we warned him and I
00:50:04
said I'm not talking [ __ ] about you dude go ahead and say it dude go ahead and say what you got to say to Shane Gillis say it I just said that you're one of
00:50:10
the top comics on planet Earth you're one of the Kings No what else I know your dad I know your dad and I have
00:50:15
great respect for you is that a slam doesn't sound like that's what you said so I'll tell you what I said all right I
00:50:21
think I think you have bulgy eyes yeah
00:50:27
and sometimes you look bloated all right is that War uh oh is
00:50:33
it War Gilly no no no no no me go to war with [ __ ] Bobby Lee no could you
00:50:39
defeat me quickly yeah I'm not no I think you're great man I look forward to the special
00:50:45
see that dude he throws you a compliment you insult my doing oh my I feel so bad
00:50:51
that's the kind of guy Gillis is thank you Shane love you buddy talk to you later hey good luck man I wish you guys nothing but the best Bobby keep it up
00:50:58
man you're hilarious I love you Shan [Laughter]
00:51:05
damn ni dude that good a comedy and that good a person so you get a two for two
00:51:11
oh my God I [ __ ] off you feel it now huh you know what though yeah yeah at least you're reflective of it that's
00:51:17
even and the accountability well I'll tell you another thing dude bro we're cutting all that out no we're I have control of this
00:51:24
podcast you we're going to cut all that out dude yeah he just texted me what'd he say tell him he's [ __ ]
00:51:33
dead yeah [ __ ] let me see [ __ ] dead told you wait he he did really did
00:51:41
that's it for you buddy that's it for me oh well you know what it was a good run I think it's my way to get out it's a
00:51:47
good run it's a good run it's my way to get out I'll get out it's my way to get out you know what man honestly they
00:51:54
won't be able to find me in Vermont if I stay off the internet yeah I mean I I have a fantasy of just kind of getting
00:52:00
out you know what it is dude yeah this is like one of those Hollywood stars where are they now and this will be a
00:52:05
grainy flashback to when it all started to plummet yeah this is when the music changes dude this is when the music
00:52:12
changes on the dock the color slowly Fades SC it goes black stings get slowed down it's just punched in on you right
00:52:18
now contemplating I want to say I haven't slept a lot lately okay all you do is
00:52:24
sleep it's literally all I no but the last three three days I haven't because I've been traveling and stuff okay I haven't not been sleeping you think
00:52:30
you're uh I I'm not in my right mind and I think that U what I did was um not
00:52:36
right and it was like I I don't even think that's how I really feel you know yeah I think it was just a guy just out
00:52:43
of his mind talking yeah dude I get it you get it I respect it man and I apologize I don't you don't look like a
00:52:49
security guard at a boutique Soho honestly I would have taken that over what you originally said cuz that that's
00:52:55
says I am there to secure and I I think you were one of the first people to text me when I got hurt when I woke up and I
00:53:00
heard about it and we have a great relationship absolutely and that's my bad we can start a new yeah and La you know last week when I went after you you
00:53:07
did yeah Bobby Spring's about to be sprung I apologize for that I was like not in my right mind I don't care it was
00:53:13
actually kind of funny okay I loved I actually thought it was very funny someone sent me the clip I was like that's pretty funny okay so um so it's
00:53:21
my I'm the I'm the one that needs to change I'm the wrong wow I'm the guy
00:53:27
that level of accountability yeah and I um I'm ashamed don't be the [ __ ] that I said no stop you are you are
00:53:33
entering a new phase in life yeah where you are taking ownership I'm trying to figure out if I really believe what I
00:53:39
said so I'm going through that right now you know what I mean I just be honest with you like reflect do I really feel
00:53:46
that way maybe maybe not but um I shouldn't have said it out loud right now in fact I will say this I do believe
00:53:52
what I said all of it oh but I shouldn't have said it all loud okay D yeah that's
00:53:58
crazy pretty good that was a 180 to 180 we're right back where we started if you watched a trial with that kind of admit
00:54:04
where he goes I don't I'm sorry I killed her but am I sorry I killed her not really but I am sorry that I did it I I
00:54:11
felt it and I'm fine for feeling that I haven't masturbated in five days wait you why haven't you jerked off in five
00:54:16
days I'm trying to an not five days yeah five days is a pretty good amount of
00:54:22
time when did you notice it like what was the worst day so far like last night I tried to and I couldn't do it four day
00:54:29
four is when I start to get a little itchy yeah Ari shaffir told me that U he said this out loud so I you know yeah
00:54:35
that he the way you know his girlfriend great girlfriend right that the reason he he met her in the first place CU he
00:54:42
wasn't masturbating for a long time and then when that happens that it motivates you to like you know when you meet a
00:54:47
girl like hey meet us at the bar and you don't go it motivated him to go yeah cuz
00:54:52
he had full balls yeah yeah so I think it is a good um advice five days though you you got you got to empty it out man
00:54:59
yeah go go empty the clip and maybe that's why I'm acting the way I am today that's exactly right that actually exp
00:55:04
you know what that is it because you're aggressive you're being very I'm being very aggressive right now you're just horned up dude I'm horned up so Chan if
00:55:11
you're listening don't start a war with me yeah dude I'm horned up you get what you're saying yeah yeah a guy getting to
00:55:19
a fight with another guy be like brother don't I'm just this way because I'm horny D I just realized that the reason I tried to fight you in that bar was cuz
00:55:24
I have a boner yeah ped out of my mind yeah so I apologize and I think people listening
00:55:30
get it oh huh I think they get it I think they get it too any rational person would get it yeah now can I ask
00:55:35
you another question what do you think of um Pizzeria biano in Phoenix I know
00:55:41
you called me about this we talked have you been there yeah he's two sign he doesn't know Phoenix as well yeah I know
00:55:47
oh so South on I 10 so years ago um a film critic in New York Times said that
00:55:54
that's the best pizza on planet Earth and it became a gigant hours away Big
00:56:00
Planet yeah and um Big Planet to say Earth dude that's insane and you know um
00:56:06
I went there again it's pretty good it's good dude is it is it like um have you
00:56:13
had Frank Pepe in Connecticut that's like one of the that's like the why would I go there I don't know you show
00:56:19
Connecticut has some of the best pizza they're trying to like they're trying to make it that they're trying to make us is Harford there in Connecticut yeah
00:56:25
yeah but this but Frank isord Connecticut Funny Bone um they just they were so rude to
00:56:32
me that's why I've never been back the club yeah or the people that went to the club no the the STA the management there
00:56:40
really I did it one weekend there and the manager at the last night and I had seen him around all weekend finally
00:56:46
introduced himself and he was kind of like here's your check oh damn maybe he had something going on he could have had full balls what if that guy had full
00:56:52
balls would you have taken it if he was full balls no Twice I've been there and imagine they were not nice to me well he
00:56:58
well maybe he had full balls twice they can fill up real quick okay you know
00:57:03
what you're right you maybe you're right yeah so Connecticut has the best pizza they try to if you ever go to New
00:57:10
Haven you should have Frank Pepe New Haven Frank Pepe it's very good okay so um but do you think so far do you think
00:57:17
pizza biano was the best you've ever had I think that um it's the best in the top
00:57:24
five I've ever had probably well okay let's rank how about this this is even more this is even more um cuz we got a
00:57:30
good debate about Donuts the other week let's Rank by the way in Los Angeles I go to Kettle glaze every time I'm here
00:57:36
oh yeah and I went and picked up a half a dozen oh you our little sweet secret sweet boy huh I'm pretty allow so I'm
00:57:43
going I'm going to tell you something right now I think you're going wrong I think you're going wrong with it I think you're going wrong with it and I'm going
00:57:49
to convince you otherwise that kettle glaze is the wrong way to go yeah I
00:57:54
would go have you ever had side car mhm we brought them into the studio one time
00:58:00
side car what do you think of them they're they're fine wow wow you know it's not my it's not my number one oh
00:58:06
are they like a busy donut a busy donut yes about kle glaze goes like this we're
00:58:12
a donut we're see that's what I like okay like we're a dut wearing a a fruit hat you know what you know what these are these are donuts that these are
00:58:19
these are hey these are single moms now that have been through a divorce that's who this donut is it's got too much going on yeah you go you don't need all
00:58:25
of this you don't need but I'm going to double down now my friends okay and I'm going to show you something that's going to blow your minds if I may okay in
00:58:34
Korea I'm already out I'm in I'm in harder that's the right answer south or
00:58:40
north I don't care North North yeah the good side yeah yeah look at Kim Jong-un
00:58:46
does North Korea North Korea have a similar thing like Northern irland has an up the raw like does North Korea have
00:58:51
a [ __ ] chant or anything like that yeah kill American
00:58:57
yeah or it's like it's un time so there's a they have one now so this is a Korean company that they have a one in
00:59:04
Korea Town and it's called Old fairy donut okay okay that's you that's what we call
00:59:10
you you know what dude that's rude you set me up yeah old faery old f e r r y
00:59:16
like a fairy oh it is the best dut all right we'll go to Old Fairy Oh [ __ ]
00:59:23
yeah those pictures Bobby you're right this is it are you being sarcastic no I'm being 100% for real I'm telling you
00:59:29
you showed me that first fancy [ __ ] I don't want that this is the yes I want to rank this I want to rank the most the
00:59:35
corporate pizza joints where they go cuz look everyone's got their fancy pizza joints give me the corporate rankings
00:59:40
give me Domino's Pizza Hut Little Caesars give me [ __ ] sabaro can be thrown I can tell you go I honestly
00:59:46
think Pizza Hut yes number one number one is Pizza Hut the crust is buttery
00:59:52
and something about it also the way they do their Pizza it stays more like a pizza dominoes they overload you with
00:59:59
the [ __ ] dough and the cheese and your swearing is right for that they're
01:00:04
[ __ ] D yeah yeah I hate it I think little C's
01:00:10
is my favorite what hot and ready dude hot and ready it's simple it's simple little SE cheese is fine do you have
01:00:16
Cricket you have a Cricut phone yeah [ __ ] who likes Little Caesar I just like
01:00:22
the $5 one of their Toppings is cancer I I bet it goes Pizza Hut dominoes Papa John's Papa John's pre-or
01:00:30
post N word I don't know that garlic sauce you get in the top three with that yeah dude I like the hot and ready just
01:00:37
it saved me for a long time in my 20s financially I think if you ate it now you would think differently because I
01:00:42
don't we don't have that pizza now that's the problem like I haven't eaten anything like that in a long time yeah but the pizza's Little Caesar is still
01:00:48
around oh yeah is it dude what every corner go to well Western my buddy Matt's kid I haven't seen a Little
01:00:54
Caesars in Forever buddy Matt's kid just tried it for the first time like last week and he was like he says it's the
01:01:00
best food he's ever had in his life I've never seen we're in Echo Park [ __ ] going over there but what if you guys
01:01:05
had a Little Caesars pizza party and it was brought to you we keep talking about it they might end up sponsoring the show
01:01:11
so I went to when I play Chicago improv sometimes they get me a fresh Lum malal
01:01:18
yeah it's pretty good yeah yeah that's my that's my that's I love it's pretty good it's very good I like deep deep
01:01:24
dish I don't care what you feel about about it it's good just for that special occasion we don't eat it on the regular yeah yeah but I love it it's heavy it's
01:01:30
too heavy for a regular no eat it once in a great while it's it's cake yeah orc and knife so I had this Filipino family
01:01:38
kila's End come from Philippines One Summer mhm and we went to that deep dish
01:01:44
pizza place in Los FES or Echo Park Masa Masa yeah Masa yeah very good yeah it's
01:01:50
great they didn't eat it what they don't know what it is there wasn't any bugs on it no
01:01:57
yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no carboard on you if you shave some tree bark on they say we'll be good say went on the
01:02:04
tree bark they're doing like a can I interest you in some tree bark this is some uh
01:02:10
this is some Oak we're just going to shave it onto your yeah of course they didn't need it they that's not their in their flavor profile they like they like
01:02:17
spicy that pizza is a thick doughy cake pizza it's just a mushed up tomato they're not going to like that but let
01:02:23
me say something to you y'all okay okay when I'm in a different country I just
01:02:29
I'll check all of it out and I'll try it oh you're saying they didn't even want to try it yeah they didn't even like
01:02:35
attempt it look at that thing how would you not try that they didn't even take a bite yeah there's no that is that's like
01:02:41
you get I would I would see myself getting very upset about that yeah take a bite like take a bite I also made reservations I you guys got to check out
01:02:48
this yeah you put thought into it exactly dude yeah what did they end up wanting they wanted Jolly Bee right yeah
01:02:54
they love Jolly Be what's Jolly Be oh you it's their version of like a chain food restaurant but it's but it's they
01:03:01
[ __ ] live and die by this so much so that like yeah you know uh you know um
01:03:06
but they have spaghetti too show show me jollybee spaghetti you know you know Benny Blanco do you know spaghetti the producer you know how you sometimes
01:03:12
you're in the mood for spaghetti and a a chicken leg Yeah what am I
01:03:18
pregnant [ __ ] wild Benny Blanco did a video of a food review I think at his house and he caught so much [ __ ] from
01:03:25
Filipino fans for just being like this isn't good Benny B yeah but it's so funny how like
01:03:30
they take this is like their [ __ ] but the one in the Philippines that I've been to is the quality is different it's
01:03:36
better you think it's just yeah it's just better do you think it's like like when you get a Guinness in Ireland it's just better that's yeah that's what it
01:03:43
is I don't know that's true they clean out their lines I know but you go to a good spot that serves a good Guinness there's a couple of good Guinness spots
01:03:49
cuz I that you know that's my beer I don't really drink beer but if I'm going to have a beer I'm drinking that you know I was the I was the Guinness King I
01:03:55
was the brand ambassador what yeah that's what got me out Julian you know Julian Mulla I know yeah I know he did
01:04:01
the Guinness brand ambassador thing and then he quit drinking and they were trying to find a new one and he's like you should have my buddy soda do it and
01:04:08
uh can I talk about him what's that Mulla yeah you cut off a story but yeah
01:04:14
what's up what's going on you gonna call him bloated too finish your story no no
01:04:19
I was just saying I got to go to the I got to like go they flew me to Dublin and I got to like I had to drink Guinness for like 2 years the best and
01:04:26
by the end I was like get this mud water out of my [ __ ] hand I love it see
01:04:31
when he finishes it we should have cut it off this guy dude you're you're a little
01:04:37
hot hot to I I almost need you to go to the bathroom I think I have the tri I think I have the tri watch you come back and it's just the in fact I'm not going
01:04:43
to get you know what you're right I'm going to be more mindful about it I'm not going to say what I want to say about Julian McCulla I think it's another War go ahead let me hear it you
01:04:50
might as well dude you're starting it up so when I met him he L to live in LA yeah yeah and I thought what a handsome
01:04:56
fell he is yeah something happened oh you saying he lost his look something
01:05:01
happened did you fall out of love with him cuz he's still handsome maybe you
01:05:07
fell out of love with him he's a pretty good looking guy yeah I guess he still got it okay what did you think you did
01:05:12
you see him on an off night I mean look yeah so when I saw him recently he's just got older that's it like we all do
01:05:19
he gained like six PBS is all dude Bobby's like Tim gun he's like what are you fat [ __ ] get out
01:05:26
look at this gross I loved it e what a fantastic Julian rules he's so funny he's very very funny I love him anyway
01:05:33
um and thanks for getting me the brand ambassador job in 2011 thank you Julian I got to quit waiting tables because of
01:05:38
it wow it's pretty sick isn't that great when something like that changes your [ __ ] life I mean changed my life I bought a laptop I never I didn't own a
01:05:45
laptop from 2007 to 2011 slow down is Joe m still around I don't know you know
01:05:52
him yeah I know J Joe mates the first time I made enough money to to buy like a new laptop like a real one I didn't I
01:05:58
didn't watch porn on it I was so scared yeah you didn't want to yes you didn't want to damage it I didn't want to hurt her I was like keep her in good shape no
01:06:05
only emails and videos for years I was like so afraid I was like no it's going to [ __ ] it up and there's the first one
01:06:10
I could afford so no I'm not going to [ __ ] it up yes that's how I felt about my iPhone first time I got an iPhone I'm like I'm not watching porn on this thing
01:06:16
and you're like oh you can watch porn on this thing that's all I wanted to and now that's all it is for yes Dan um how
01:06:22
you dealing with the fame brother day by day he takes it day by day but do do you like it I'm not
01:06:30
famous what are you talking about do I can I tell you why you are why because um I'm hanging out with somebody uh she
01:06:36
was introduced me to these family members sure and there was a guy involved and he was like do you know Den
01:06:43
h no they were white oh
01:06:50
sorry I you know what though you you seem to think all the people I hang out with are Asian I didn't get an in an all
01:06:56
episode I figured I had to do it now we talked about okay okay honestly at the buzzer nailed it yeah yeah but he is a
01:07:02
huge fan of yours oh that's awes he's like I love you know how what's he like you know what I mean yeah I swear to God
01:07:08
and I'm like who Dan he goes yeah what's he like he seems he's biggest fan he the man and I've seen people talk about you
01:07:14
many times really so there is a level of Fame and you know it because when you go to clubs you sell out right yeah so how
01:07:20
why why does that happen cuz I've been going to cities for years that's not why it's because you're you're your your
01:07:26
presence is elevated thank you yeah I mean you right can we agree with that so how are you
01:07:32
dealing with it I didn't know who this guy was before he walked in the door I just randomly walk in can I uh sit down
01:07:37
on your podcast also people that we have on this podcast are people that are elevated yeah so how does it feel feels
01:07:44
good God thank you by the way Bobby sasy [ __ ] answer dude but just like the way you describe me you you went the the
01:07:50
worst thing with me is um me trying to be confident with myself yeah it's hard
01:07:57
[ __ ] on me all you want bring it home baby we can have fun but the second you go like good job I go I just [ __ ] it's
01:08:02
the hug why are we like that it's the hug and Step Brothers cuz it's what you just said it earlier it's the bullying
01:08:08
that made you funny yeah I'm shocked when people are like come to my shows
01:08:13
and it's sold out or whatever I always turn to the manager go is there some sort of promotion going on and they go
01:08:19
what do you mean I go I mean is it a two for one or what's going on he goes no it's regular price and you sold out and
01:08:25
I'm always I look in the audience I go wow I've told this story before on uh on the regs but I was working the Blue Room
01:08:31
in Springfield Missouri and I drove from Kansas City to Springfield and I had a bunch of texts and people were
01:08:37
like they're like dude the club's running a special where if they buy tickets to you they're entered into a
01:08:43
raffle to see Matt re and like so many Comics texted me screen grabbed it and sent it to me they're like
01:08:50
wow really yeah they were like same audience but they were like they were like hey buy tickets to this this
01:08:55
[ __ ] ogre and then maybe you can see Matt R and it worked it worked wow yeah
01:09:01
my ticket sales were dog [ __ ] and there were people there and it was it was pretty wild w w w w wow that's like where you're like oh so you guys are
01:09:08
running around okay and then when it really happens you go first time I played the
01:09:13
Mall of America yeah House of Comedy dude maybe 20 people maybe and that's like a 500 seat room that's a that's a
01:09:20
full C Circle moment though taping your special in Minneapolis that was pretty cool that it it was really cool it was
01:09:26
that one hurt a lot though the mall cuz you walk into it's a big room too and you have to walk into the mall before
01:09:31
you go to a club which hurts you twice also top floor yeah you have to pass you have to go up escalators and elevators
01:09:37
and honestly that Jamba Juice is doing some heavy lifting I'm getting an orange dream machine and then I'm going upstairs and
01:09:43
just by the way it's an Orange Julius now I'm just kidding I don't know I'm glad you said that because that was my
01:09:50
worst turnout of all time I I ate the M of oh my God and I just I can see image
01:09:55
of me like a Paul Thomas Anderson shouted me like going down the escalator when it's over passing like the guy at Journeys like turning off the lights
01:10:02
shutting the cage yeah like yeah dude it hurt it hurts so much when you like have
01:10:08
to do that but it makes you a great comic and to piggyback what you're saying not to be a sappy [ __ ] but I
01:10:15
thank every every set now I've been thanking the fans and I did it every night at the special cuz it does mean
01:10:20
the world to me that they show up I think it's so dope that they come out it's it dude it it never has made me go
01:10:27
yep knew it every time I go out I go wow dude thank you unreal amazing do you
01:10:32
have but there's a couple of comics we know you know that are like I knew it was going to be this way that's crazy I
01:10:40
do get resentments though of clubs that didn't treat you well yeah
01:10:46
you what I mean and then now you won't play them uh yeah I got a couple you mean totally I got a couple is that
01:10:51
right though is that healthy that's like if any if any regular person at at at regular job at home whatever job that
01:10:57
you work if someone treated you poorly in your customer route and then you started doing well on in some other
01:11:03
version of your job and then those customers wanted to come back you like get [ __ ] yeah the clubs I play now are
01:11:08
the clubs are necessarily not because of the draw but it's because they treated me when I was down yeah so when I talked
01:11:16
about Harford kinetic at at that funny bone I was down then yeah right and I just want people to be regular and nice
01:11:23
yeah when they're when they're when they're good to you when they don't have a reason to be I I have loyalty for yeah
01:11:28
you're like oh cool well then I'll come back you know like they used to be good to me by the way I'm not saying not
01:11:34
change but when I was doing those House of comedies in Bronson's rooms they they were always good to me Edmonton's great
01:11:40
now that's where we might differ oh really oh you got clipped out there there might be a reason why I
01:11:47
don't use them as a club chain anymore oh I [ __ ] you want to talk about one
01:11:52
of my worst weekends of my life yeah was the that [ __ ] Club House of Comedy in Scottdale Scottdale you know Scot it's
01:12:01
North Scottsdale it looks dude at a point it looked like a moon base when you would drive up and you'd be like
01:12:06
there's nothing it looks like Mars and it's a [ __ ] and I just ate [ __ ] every
01:12:12
night so bad is that 12 years ago again yeah it's 20 yeah this 2013 2014 wow wow
01:12:18
wow uh I think the Edmonton happened like 2016 2017 this is like 2014 I
01:12:24
remember specific I called Gary Goldman and Gary Goldman was like just do your best stuff keep
01:12:29
your head down get through the weekend oh yeah cuz it was just was [ __ ] eating I'll tell you why though from a
01:12:36
socioeconomic standpoint you're not that kind of that's not your crowd no yeah
01:12:42
this is like retirees this is a lot of like old couples my God this is I also have like some resentment for Arizona
01:12:49
like you went to school there oh yeah you know we both went to school there and you kind of come back and you're like you weren't that nice to me why are
01:12:54
we so mean to me you you doing to me come back hold those things you're like
01:13:00
I couldn't get [ __ ] for [ __ ] at this school and I'm coming back and being like Fu but I I'm doing a show in Tucson
01:13:06
this fall I'm very excited I haven't been back to Tucson in like [ __ ] years plug it by the way are you playing the school no no no no I don't know what
01:13:13
venue were doing yet but we're setting it up have you ever played this school no zero day one day I want to play ASU I
01:13:19
don't know why cuz I think schwarzen played there when I was in school that's awesome yeah well he was [ __ ] want to
01:13:25
do the Rialto because that's where I saw Chappelle in Tucson that's sick during the blackzilla season one of Chappelle
01:13:30
show it was a [ __ ] wow without a doubt one of the greatest live standup shows I've ever seen in my life guy did
01:13:35
like 70 came back out did 20 on courts get [ __ ] get [ __ ] ripping it I hate
01:13:41
that we're doing 26 tops yeah bring up sod's dates okay if you want to see Dan
01:13:46
soda on tour he's on tour right now uh here in February uh March April May he's
01:13:52
everywhere his Balo theater down there in San Diego so Richmond Virginia I'm going to be at the Funny Bone April 4th
01:13:57
and 5th and then at Spokane Comedy Club May 1st through the 3D we got a big announcement coming up with a bunch of
01:14:04
shows that I'm going to hopefully be dropping very soon that are not on this list that are not listed are you doing
01:14:10
like a skanks thing no okay I'm doing like a tour with a bunch of other guys
01:14:16
no by myself okay big boy [ __ ] all right big dog put on some big pants well go to
01:14:22
Dan soda.com if you do want to go see one of the funniest comedians we know touring across the country we love you
01:14:29
Dan look at that camera say thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend God your voice is so
01:14:35
[Music]
01:14:49
good wo [Music]
01:14:57
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