00:00:04
so i came in here right offered you cookies oh okay well i when i when i had them
00:00:10
and they were good huh yeah but when i get offered a cookie all right i look at the packaging first and when there's in a ziplock bag
00:00:17
because they're homemade i didn't know that though they're in a ziploc bag and did i say they were from home yeah yeah i did okay i didn't hear that
00:00:25
okay i did not hear that all right number two i don't like little designs on it
00:00:32
all right so let a cookie be a cookie no because the design this is it's a kissy lips because it's
00:00:37
kissy lips time of the month no whenever i'm at a comedy club all right and and i see
00:00:43
i see a comic thank you throw it at him when i see a comic dressed all fancy on stage i'm good i
00:00:48
don't trust it okay like dressed in a suit i don't when they're fancy i don't trust it
00:00:53
sebastian escalco yeah suit jerry seinfeld suit that's when they do specials do you
00:00:58
not trust them when they do specials only when they're not doing special exactly oh okay that makes sense all right so i looked at the ziploc bag i saw
00:01:05
these fancy designs on the circuit and i you know my first impulse was i don't trust it right but once she ate it yeah
00:01:13
jules and said they're good i decided to have one too late and i'm gonna have one or
00:01:20
two late hey i'll i'll tell you i'll show you how the kind of power i have you don't have any power yeah no cause
00:01:25
they're gonna get eaten by them that's what they deserve they deserve their cookies and you don't get to be a spoiled brat and drastic
00:01:30
people around andreas yep can you bring me a cookie please don't bring him a cookie dude
00:01:36
don't do it you're worried he's working right now give me a cookie please or i will not continue no don't do it
00:01:41
george i will not i will not shoot this dude you're such a brat if you don't give me a cookie everyone's going to see how much
00:01:47
of a brat you are i need a cookie thank you andres thank you give it to me and i'll give it to him give it to me
00:01:53
if i don't get a cookie in my mouth you know give it to me dude give me that cookie if you give a
00:01:58
tip andres i'm not going to get a cookie i made a dress give me the cookie errands equally yeah
00:02:04
that's just parenting split it split it split it no no you know andre you know that i won't too
00:02:11
you know that i will not do the podcast george give me a cookie right now
00:02:17
oh okay all right i'm not doing it not doing that i'm not doing the podcast all right
00:02:24
there's three in there now all right i'm gonna eat all of this good pour it in your mouth smashed it doesn't matter if there's somebody
00:02:29
what's easier to eat for your old teeth your old little brittle teeth pour it down your throat right now
00:02:40
you like it it's good though isn't it before we go yeah but happy valentine's day bob you two are bad friends who are these
00:02:47
two idiots
00:02:52
[Music] we're bad friends i'm excited to have
00:02:58
valentine's day with literally my two favorite people on earth
00:03:03
i don't want to put that in my mouth i don't know where that's been yeah so happy valentine's day baby boy happy
00:03:08
valentine's day to you delicious cookies did you do do you have any plans for valentine's day did you
00:03:13
uh it was it was yesterday did you do anything yesterday for valentine's day yeah well i did and i got my girlfriend
00:03:20
a bouquet of flowers really what kind i don't know yet because
00:03:26
because we're filming this before foundation yeah yeah i don't know yet because do you have anything planned for valentine's day
00:03:32
what is it because you can tell us now they won't well i was playing you know you know i like the video game warzone
00:03:37
yeah you love warzone and sometimes i play with randoms what do you mean like completely no you
00:03:43
play with people that you're semi familiar with people have never met in the flesh though right but they become friends because of online
00:03:49
yeah so you you're when you're in a war with somebody yeah i i assume it's like that in the vietnam war
00:03:54
probably pretty similar if you were in a platoon with somebody yeah you know all the guys from
00:04:05
remember his legs were blown off yeah and ford's good i don't forget his voice i'll try it
00:04:10
force gumper but i'll try to do first cut
00:04:18
how did he sound no forrest was like life is like say life is like a box it's like a box chocolates there you go that's as close
00:04:25
so he said boba no i'm doing i know but i i when you're doing that with your lips it automatically like go like that so
00:04:32
stop doing that with your lips right all right go ahead and he's running running and he ran like
00:04:38
20 miles and grabbed him yeah and it was just a carcass yeah he's picking well he was carrying him out
00:04:44
of the carcass yeah yeah so anyway back to warzone about valentine's day all right so i play with randoms and uh
00:04:50
we go into war and um there's this one guy named i don't know his last name but his name is alex
00:04:57
very specific yeah and um he's under he actually in my phone it's
00:05:02
okay this is alex warzone cool yeah and um he does uh
00:05:08
if i text him something he immediately does it for me ugh another slave yeah and so i go
00:05:14
we got rid of slavery in this country a long time ago yeah yeah and um i didn't vote on that to get rid of it
00:05:20
so i'm still you know well you were around back then i know what yeah that's rude because of my age
00:05:25
okay um so i i text um alex i need bouquet of flowers he's always
00:05:31
what kind this man lives in los angeles yeah yeah okay i know where he lives i don't know what he looks like
00:05:36
i don't know where he lives i don't know what it looks like i have no if i saw him at a rave right what are you doing what are you
00:05:42
doing out of rave i dancing oh right i dance yeah right stop the glow sticks and if alex you know i mean
00:05:47
glow stick next to me i was like what's your name and he'd be like dude it's me alex and i would have to go
00:05:54
specific you gotta go get more specific he goes warzone and then i'll be like oh yeah thanks for all the little things
00:06:01
he's gonna get man okay you just said give me face wash
00:06:06
yeah i touched him face wash [Music] do you have your home address oh yeah
00:06:11
that's a bad idea no because he's friends with other friends other people that you know online bobby these aren't real friends
00:06:17
they don't know you don't actually know these people no he's friends with people i've met in the flesh
00:06:22
are you saying that to say that no my friend gilbert takes kung fu classes with alex
00:06:28
and i also play with nick the master kung fu guy okay so he's people are part of a dojo still knows where you
00:06:34
live anyway so um if i tell him get me face wash he'll he'll he'll deliver it to me so he got
00:06:40
you face wash and then what he's going to get you a boo he he's going to get you a boo i take he goes i'll get you the bouquet why don't you ask for more stuff
00:06:46
does he ask for money ever i have to give him money so how do you deliver him the money venmo yeah so let's ask for a lot of
00:06:52
stuff and then just be like i can't venmo you anymore because i don't know i need i need guys like this because i i don't go you just get
00:06:58
an assistant i could do that no she's not you would be she barely likes me in this
00:07:04
one that's not true you'd be a good assistant wouldn't you i think so she just woke up from a nap
00:07:11
so don't even yeah talk about not being able to like sell yourself at all like you're is this a job interview
00:07:17
i know that yeah like oh so are you really watching this job at home depot i think so let's interview i'm gonna
00:07:23
interview you right now for the position of bobby's assistant okay yeah yeah let's see if you're okay hi thanks for coming in i appreciate you
00:07:29
coming and you are a little bit late is there a reason for your tardiness it was traffic i'm sorry traffic you
00:07:34
should plan for that because bobby also is someone that needs to be uh you know kept on schedule so if you're really
00:07:40
can i could i be he's gonna be like you're in the room during the interview no i'm i'm different can i be a
00:07:45
different guy yeah all right i'll interview you afterwards no no i want to be we're going to because i want to be your
00:07:50
assistant oh you're with me yeah i'm with you okay sorry so let me introduce my assistant before i go any further
00:07:56
any further that's jermaine hi jeremy nice to meet you hello uh so uh tell us do you have
00:08:02
qualifications on being a personal assistant in any way um i have a bachelor degree
00:08:08
oh you have a oh from what from what's college um long beach oh long beach state state
00:08:14
yeah state yes that's good that's a bachelor degree um what is it science medicine oh why do you want to
00:08:20
be a personal assistant yeah um i just want to have more experience have you heard of um the glorious
00:08:27
magnificent bobby lee oh did you know this man i heard of him and are you a fan of his yes in what
00:08:34
capacity um what have you seen him in i've seen him in
00:08:42
well he was on what you know that he was on a show for eight years yes what's the show called um
00:08:50
i'm blanking get out of get out of my office get out of our office you're fired wait you don't [ __ ] know the shelter's happening i
00:08:56
know i'm just blanking all right you freaked she forgets so much yeah
00:09:01
why do you forget so much yeah well yeah well she just woke up i think that's what it is why are you taking a nap so late in the
00:09:06
day because i had school and i need to she's in high school she has to get up at six in the morning
00:09:12
i know bro but most of us from high school my i remember i would nap in the in the afternoon yeah i told her
00:09:18
today and then i'd be up all night long yeah i told her that's what everybody does yeah in fact when i used to get home from high school yeah
00:09:23
the victoria's secret would come in the mail and i would steal it and i would go into my room your mom's the magazine yeah the
00:09:29
victoria's second i go now your mom's well it's not my dad's it could be it was my dad's
00:09:35
okay we were an open family yeah i would steal it i'd go upstairs and i would jerk off and i'd fall asleep
00:09:40
and then my mom at one point i was falling asleep every single day why are these pages so still stuck together
00:09:45
you should say that no no i throw it she never get it she never got them it never existed she probably signed up for it and just
00:09:51
never knew it it didn't it just never came from yeah i subscribed to him i did i came but it never came for her
00:09:56
and so she would literally come in the room wake me up and be like why are you so tired yeah are you on drugs that's what she'd say
00:10:02
are you on drugs and now i was on drugs what drugs did you do in high school
00:10:07
mostly weed i mostly smoked weed yeah and then i did you don't smoke weed now that much though not as much as i used to no you know why
00:10:14
why because i'm so tired already that if i smoke weed i can't even enjoy the weed
00:10:20
right i get exhausted when i smoke weed right and she would say you're on drugs and i would say no but i was but i was just tired from
00:10:26
basketball and from high school uh so and i had come come all over my town did you get straight a's
00:10:32
no i was a bad high schooler what was it what was your grade point average uh b's and c's oh i don't know what my
00:10:38
gpa was b's and c's but in college i did well i had the third worst gpa in my high school
00:10:44
uh you know who had the first the worst one tom delong he had died my sophomore year tom delong
00:10:49
died no no what the guy that had the worst he died your sophomore year and he had the worst
00:10:55
he had the worst what was his name i forgot his name but my superior that's the reason why he was last oh wow
00:11:02
they replaced yeah what was your gpa like oh point can you get 0.0.7
00:11:10
you never got one passing grade no never wow but it's not because you're stupid
00:11:16
it's a lack of effort yeah the asians in my school were so angry at me you were disappointing to them yeah they
00:11:22
were just they would look at me like they would come into class you know asians they they love classes well how
00:11:28
exciting they used to you know when she goes to school no i know but asians love it they have
00:11:34
their notebooks they have their calculators and their abacus and everything yeah you know they use the real quick the abacus right 40 46
00:11:41
and they're just you know when they used to see me they just go you would disappoint the whole asian
00:11:47
community yeah do you what do you do you never went back for a high school reunion they never invited me
00:11:53
that's so sad can we find out when it is and have you go this year i would love i mean i did get so this is
00:12:00
interesting let's do like a romeo and michelle's high school union but me and you go back to your house that would be so [ __ ] fun to find a
00:12:06
live podcast there oh my god we should do that dude yeah but i i got
00:12:12
a um text yesterday from a lady by the name of megan lee yeah i don't know who that is i'm gonna
00:12:18
tell you oh okay i thought you said as if it's someone i know no i'm gonna [ __ ] tell you i'm ready god
00:12:24
yeah so um i used to work at a restaurant did you know that in san diego yeah we
00:12:30
told the story yeah and yeah so she owns a restaurant and um she texts me and i'm gonna do with she goes i'm doing a 30-year reunion
00:12:37
from my original like wait staff which was with me when so the restaurant opened and you were one of the first yeah oh wow yeah
00:12:44
and uh and then i got fired because i i spilled red wine on the lawyer perfect the
00:12:49
lawyer of megan lee he came in with his wife and i had not resharned a um
00:12:54
i had uh merlot right yeah isn't merlot red uh yes yes the
00:13:00
vision is in my head you still unwind yeah i had a ponytail to remember right long ponytail
00:13:06
and you know the cork yeah i couldn't get it like you know how you stick the thing in and it starts crumbling you [ __ ] it up
00:13:12
yeah you [ __ ] it up right so i was then i was digging yeah you know you take the cork and you start digging i don't do that but right yeah yeah you
00:13:18
did i didn't twist no you just yeah i dug you're trying to do this yeah yeah mole man out so i'm now trying to mull it out
00:13:24
right yeah and then i finally got some of it on it and i like this and it's and sprayed all over his white shirt oh
00:13:30
my god yeah you know i'm so sorry you know what i mean and then like i'm busting
00:13:36
for the next six months and then she finally wants you back in her round i came back so what's the deal though
00:13:41
30-year reunion yes and i said i'll be there and she goes yeah bet you bet your bottom doll you
00:13:46
know how white people just say that yeah you bet you're [ __ ] bottom dollar you will yeah i go [ __ ] yeah man i don't know what that means
00:13:52
are you really gonna go i want to that's a no no i wanna i'll tell you why because she was the one
00:13:57
that was like um i remember um uh going hey
00:14:02
i have a show tomorrow night can i leave early can i not even come oh and she would be
00:14:09
like it's your dream so go ahead that's so nice yeah so she was like really cool why'd you say white if her
00:14:14
name is amy lee she megan lee megan lee she's white there are so like robert e lee was white
00:14:20
he was yeah man i thought confederate general he's a confederate general right
00:14:25
that's the good side of the bad side i don't remember i think it was the bad but confederates i thought were the good guys you know the confederates are stars
00:14:31
and straps and stripes pal no he was white there's no asian guy that's a confederate [ __ ] guy
00:14:37
how funny if there was one confederation i would love to be that guy they're like what do we love he's like
00:14:43
slavery [Laughter]
00:14:48
dude a confederate asian would be an asian confederate that would that's the movie we should write for you yeah is the only asian confederate yeah
00:14:56
holy [ __ ] how funny what's the name of this guy this asian confederate soldier robert e lee this oh robert e lee the real story
00:15:04
the real robert e lee well yeah that would never happen because no one would even i'm not gonna [ __ ] follow your
00:15:09
order chank pika the cotton faster [Laughter]
00:15:17
oh my god oh my god that's a movie i would love to go watch yeah yeah he's just confused yeah he doesn't
00:15:23
really know he's stuck he's stuck in a in a weird he was born and raised there yeah he's no he can't he has the accent
00:15:29
no he's he was born the mom popped and then they disappeared parents left him you have to take care of what if they
00:15:35
what if right what if this happened right he comes from china right so that you know i i always
00:15:41
assumed like when chinese people back in the day right came here they gave them options
00:15:47
oh right so uh listen listen here's here man china board laundromat opium beam den railroads
00:15:54
railroads or you mean confederate you know what i
00:16:01
mean confederate soldiers soldier so what you want to do yeah yeah and he's like uh what is
00:16:12
do you love america i love it you're perfect for the job wow we got ourselves wang lee over here
00:16:19
robert robert yeah yeah robert e lee the story of the only asian confederate soldier would be a [ __ ] smash online yeah it would it
00:16:26
would uh i think we could sell it in my career honestly yeah yeah but at what point could comedians make a movie that's so
00:16:31
over the top like that yeah that you might be able to it might be okay because it's absurd if you're making fun of
00:16:37
the confederacy it's so funny to even talking about this you know because you know
00:16:44
this type of comedy these bits right yeah 10 15 years ago it's a no-brainer oh
00:16:50
it's so just yeah everything's a no-brainer now people are like yeah but now i can't say even by doing because we're playing
00:16:56
characters and we're doing it right we're making fun of them i know but when we're doing it though yeah right there's this thing that comes up
00:17:03
in my mind yeah of an editor i have an editor in my mind yeah somebody going cut yeah yeah cut
00:17:09
cut yeah cut out it stop yeah but some of it look if we can't make fun of those ridiculous
00:17:14
scenarios come on you know did rudy like it she doesn't get it yes no she does she's smarter than you
00:17:21
give her credit for by the way your grateful dead presentation last week it was a hit
00:17:26
smash you know how many deadheads are on your jock now people think you are people think you're part of the clique
00:17:32
what are you going to do for valentine's i mean what it what i got a huge i have a big thing planned at the house like what
00:17:38
i have i hired a pony to come to the house and be in the backyard because my dog loves ponies and i'm i have a
00:17:46
pony to come to the to the house to play with the dog honestly yes i've never even seen a pony
00:17:53
what do they look like they're tiny little horses they're tiny little horses and i'm and i paid it was quite
00:17:59
expensive to be honest with you it was a thousand dollars an hour who rides it like brad williams [Laughter]
00:18:06
oh let's see brad williams ride around ride one we should buy him a pony yeah he has one have you seen his dog
00:18:11
his dog goes up to his head it's he's a huge big dog well he could ride that he has i've seen him get on it oh really yeah no
00:18:17
are you being real i swear to god in my life he can get on the back with his dog you know a little person could ride like
00:18:22
a great dane a great dane or even a um maybe even a rottweiler yeah yeah but
00:18:28
they're so aggressive yeah you'd be more like a bull what about the beethoven what dog is
00:18:34
that saint bernard is that what that is yeah that's what they could ride in because they're sweet and cuddly yeah
00:18:39
i think i would i wish i was small in that way you are relatively right you're not a big guy but um
00:18:46
what are you saying you're five four five five four how tall are you five four yeah you're five four six one
00:18:53
are you really i'm a full man size 12 shoe i finished when you look at me i finished growing i know but when you
00:18:59
look at me yeah does that i mean because i don't know what it's like cartoon character is what i think when i
00:19:05
look at you i think this is a cartoon that came to life are you being real but in a beautiful way i'm in love with you but you think
00:19:11
that every time i see you wow i go mike judge mike trucks where do i come to your chest in terms
00:19:17
of do i come to your shoulder right you're uh genuinely yeah you're right at hear length so i can't imagine walking the
00:19:23
room and working with a guy that small but then let's have one let's do you want to get
00:19:29
a guy in here that is that small we should get another person in here who's tinier than all of us yeah i guess because i've been this size for
00:19:35
so long they used to get used when did you peak in high school and then you hit your that's how tall you were always going to be 17 and then
00:19:41
it stopped really yeah that's it's weird because you well you know you're not gonna get that big as an asian man
00:19:47
right you know you're not gonna there's well that's not true yes it is the the ones that like yao ming and those guys those are they were made in a
00:19:53
lab asians there's never been in the history of asian there hasn't been one over six feet tall
00:19:58
organically as soon as asians were introduced to western diets it grew exponentially still though you
00:20:05
haven't captained if you go to under six feet still no if i go to korea they look down on me and
00:20:10
go you're some more you know really oh yeah you're tiny to them yeah and they bump
00:20:16
me are koreans if i'm walking down the street they literally they'll go check on me are they the most aggressive of the
00:20:22
asians well you no the japanese were the most aggressive see they see but publicly they seem the most
00:20:28
um polite once you throw a nuclear bomb on somebody it tames them
00:20:35
yeah you see yes sit down because they were aggressive sit down that's what we said i know they were aggressive right up
00:20:40
until then oh my god they took over the philippines they took over korea they took everywhere right and um
00:20:48
he thought he was a sun god why why wouldn't he why couldn't he be though because i don't know what what is a sun
00:20:53
god obviously god spoke to him and told him he was special no but he thinks they thought he was a god
00:20:59
probably no you don't think so no because a go actual god if you throw two nuclear
00:21:05
bombs you'd be like oh no big deal yeah that's nothing yeah that's like a
00:21:11
mosquito bite you know what i mean yeah but he was like oh we're sorry he was panicked do you think god's wonka amongst us
00:21:20
like do you think we have gods that walk amongst us on earth like how about this how about i'll give you a better do you think gandhi you think gandhi was
00:21:25
a god no no no you think there's only one god
00:21:30
well i i don't know i i've i think i've heard things about gandhi later in life like he doesn't tip well i
00:21:35
don't know something like that no i'm not real being real there was like some rumor about him they caught him cheating at
00:21:41
backgammon one time in 1982. yeah he was at commerce casino [Laughter]
00:21:49
babble oh oh god in case you don't speak si moto beni
00:21:55
uh uh a ciao bella i'm learning italian right now via babel is it going well i'm too dumb what was that i'm working
00:22:01
on it that's italian yeah i'm learning in town it's so good
00:22:09
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00:22:25
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promo code bad friends bad friends bad friends has been imperative to my
00:25:25
well-being um imperative bobby it's like really important like critical congratulations on your
00:25:31
anniversary you guys make me laugh and you guys like just brighten up my day so i love all of you
00:25:37
and uh fancy bee this show means so much to me because i
00:25:42
actually met my best friend during march of 2020 because of bad friends and you guys have been very special you
00:25:48
guys helped me get through a very very hard time and you know i know it's not a one-man team shout out fancy b shout out rudy
00:25:54
shout out george i love you guys bad friends has been the best thing that has happened this year it's the
00:26:01
reason um i haven't killed myself this year this is what bad friends has meant to me
00:26:06
in the past year it's like putting this this weird fork thing [Music]
00:26:13
is it stupid yeah but is it fun to watch oh absolutely you know my story with
00:26:20
deepak show bro have i told you no i've never told you about no what are you you have an interaction with chopra
00:26:27
there's there is a little bit of an interaction not not fully i've never met the man sure but i might my life
00:26:33
has kind of for a second what happened revolver what happened so um you know who jason
00:26:39
gallen is the comedian yeah yeah of course so i i used to walk around the common
00:26:45
store with boils on my face um what what do you mean pimples they're
00:26:50
just bigger than pimples like these my mom gets on her head [Laughter]
00:26:58
i used to get them on my face you have to get lasered off or whatever no i would do a home remedy what was your remedy which would [ __ ] my
00:27:04
face up even more what was the remedy i didn't know what to do because i had no money right when i was a young comic so i now get these gigantic boils
00:27:10
so what i would do is i would go and buy go to 7-eleven yes yeah and i would buy ice cubes
00:27:18
yeah you're right so i take a bag of ice cubes right and i go to the bathtub in my little
00:27:23
apartment in silver lake yeah right and i would take hot water and pour like you know like the faucets
00:27:30
here and my face over it and it would steam it right and then i would take ice cubes
00:27:35
and then freeze it and i would do that repetitively and eventually what happens a white head would form and then you'd probably pop it it
00:27:42
would just be niagara falls it would spray out of my face so i was
00:27:47
getting these boils on my face and i used to hang out at the store yeah like that yeah boyle face bomb boyfriend yeah bfb and
00:27:55
one time jason gallon goes man you look like [ __ ] and he's not a male model i know i mean
00:28:02
you look like you're stressed out yeah okay yeah i can't get anything going man i can't get an agent
00:28:07
you know i'm just stressed out i have no money i don't know future pre-med tv yeah
00:28:14
he goes two words for you bud i go what he goes deepak supra
00:28:22
what yeah deepak chopra is all he said yeah i go what is that i thought it was a
00:28:27
food yeah yeah i mean sounds like i don't have the money to go to that restaurant or whatever and so um he goes yeah in the at that
00:28:35
time at the rolling stone magazines he wasn't on the cover but there was an article about him
00:28:40
in rolling stone yeah go buy the rolling stones and read this article right right so um
00:28:48
i uh i go to the 7-eleven i think i steal one you know if that sounds about right yeah and i and i read the article
00:28:54
and i go i can't get any of these books i have no money right so a miracle happened
00:29:00
i'm not kidding you okay so i used to i prayed about it that week so then that weekend you prayed to god
00:29:06
get me yeah get me deepak chopper's books right so then that weekend
00:29:11
i was you know how in if you lived in hollywood and you were a doorman back then
00:29:17
you could open sometimes on the weekends right so i was hosting for tamayo atsuki
00:29:24
nope yeah you don't know her no
00:29:31
please don't do that she eats cats oh friend of the pod yeah
00:29:40
is she alive still what's up i i have this is it to my atsuki is she alive yeah shout her out then tamayo hope
00:29:46
you're good so the feline feast is good tell me how sookie used to date sam kinnison
00:29:52
oh that makes sense cat eating things yeah and she used to wear a kimono on stage she was like you know in terms of asians
00:29:58
like one of the first asian female comics way before margaret yeah well this has seen photos of her at
00:30:04
the store like in the like i've seen those photos i thought that she has a neon light in the or no she does yes this is
00:30:09
tumayatsuki right so that she's she was on a sitcom which one i forgot what it was called it was
00:30:15
cancelled right away but she used to date sam kinnison yeah and then um she went crazy and then she
00:30:21
started living in the jungles of hawaii oh cool right and then one time years
00:30:26
later i don't know how long she she i saw her and she looked like she didn't look good like she was dying
00:30:32
like she looked homeless like the cats had caught up to her no she goes i live in hawaii now
00:30:38
i go really that's nice no i live in the jungle i'm not kidding you sorry girl you live
00:30:45
in the jungle yeah and she showed me before i eat cat
00:30:51
right yeah i don't know if she was being real or no she's being real yeah yeah she's being real and you could see a like a hut that she had
00:30:58
made in the middle of the jungle right and she had some sort of like makeshift um
00:31:03
rock table that she had made yeah and it was like sliced up little meat
00:31:10
i eat the cat okay right and i go oh you want to go up you know i mean but so um so i was
00:31:15
opening for tomorrow yeah so after right so i'm on stage i'm on stage
00:31:20
and i i look down and there's this white chick in the front row yeah and she's just like look at me like
00:31:27
this right like she's gonna kill you and i no i knew her oh but i couldn't like really
00:31:33
remember how because you know i grew up in san diego right so yes then i look i go katie she and it was a girl that i used
00:31:41
to work with named katie okay so after the show i go what are you doing it had boils on my
00:31:47
face she said you look like [ __ ] and she goes up i work i'm debugging
00:31:52
assistant shut the [ __ ] up really so i go did you almost start crying i
00:31:58
would say yeah yeah yeah i was like something was happening yeah right so i was getting like goosebumps
00:32:04
of course the whole thing right of course and i go um he lives here
00:32:10
she goes yeah come on bye it was like right down the street the deep chopra is no longer there right but
00:32:17
there used to be a deep shortbroad learning center there uh-huh right uh-huh so the next day i go over there
00:32:23
and she just handed me a bunch of books just take it shut up right so i take it so this is
00:32:29
really and the area and people are going to make fun of me for this but no they won't i started reading it
00:32:34
reading the books you were given yeah that math adds up shut the [ __ ] up so i started reading
00:32:41
him yeah right and i started applying them in my life like really putting the practice i'm not kidding you i'm gonna give me give me an
00:32:48
example so like in the six seven spiritual laws of success yeah right one of the uh laws was you
00:32:55
know in order to achieve success you have to help other people achieve success
00:33:00
correct yeah that makes sense okay give to get right so what i would do is i would like you know set up showcases because i had
00:33:06
a year with mitzi right so i would get people like i brought brody to the comedy store i
00:33:11
helped kevin christie become a stand-up you know and that was all during that time period of like
00:33:16
getting them in you know i mean in front of mitzi or getting him a doorman job so you were helping people i was doing
00:33:23
everything i can to help people and i'm not kidding you yeah in three months my whole life changed
00:33:29
now have you continued to put those things in practice right i stopped that's good yeah i'm done i'm done with that because once i got in
00:33:36
i'm like once you get in the water you're in you're swimming so i'm on the surf but now i can ride
00:33:43
the waves yeah right so i had to get in the water wait till that tsunami comes right and i'm gonna yeah yeah you're gonna
00:33:48
you're gonna you're gonna kill others everyone
00:33:54
so the boil stopped at what point right then and there too when you started helping people the boils went away
00:33:59
because what are you laughing at the boils for that's the mean because the three you're going to curse you with boils boilies i'll tell
00:34:06
you what oily oily so i'll tell you the things that happened so it boils on you as soon as i started applying all this stuff within like a
00:34:12
three to six month period right yeah i got so i auditioned so i took a bus
00:34:18
right i'm not kidding you i know so i took a i had no money i took a bus to an ibm commercial audition the one
00:34:26
with uh no oh there was one where i was a i was a space astronaut right
00:34:34
with this guy named eric kircherberger from new york okay and so i audition then i get a call back
00:34:40
take another bus and then i get i get it and my managers are happy yeah she calls me
00:34:47
she goes you got it and i go oh cool so i thought how much do you think a commercial is
00:34:52
well i i know you should ask her because i'm very i'm very aware of what kind of well yeah so how much do you think though back then yeah in the 90s in the 90s was
00:35:01
it buyouts no it was a national right and you got residuals it was a national campaign 100
00:35:06
grand no what was it i got 350 000 wow for one day of work wow because it
00:35:14
was but you didn't get residuals right it was a bunch no it was a buyout right so i did six of them in one day
00:35:20
right you see you did six times 350 grand no i just got it all at one but dude i'm going down no money
00:35:27
i know going from boils on the face stressed out yeah right
00:35:32
and then um a couple of ro so ross mark ross and bob i forgot their
00:35:38
name bob ross the painter no ross mark and bob something are right they they they were
00:35:45
bookers for the tonight show oh right and um one day i was working
00:35:50
the back door this is after the commercial i was still working at the store yeah but i was gloating you were
00:35:56
bragging a little bit a lot got 350 grand yeah i had gotten a car you know all kinds of stuff you're buying cigarettes that are
00:36:01
pre-rolled yeah yeah and they came up to me and they go we work for the tonight show we want you to
00:36:06
audition for the tonight show just from the commercial no they were just seeing me around town right maybe my great deeds was right
00:36:14
i thought it was like paying off and then um so then i'm working on that and then abby called me and goes we auditioned
00:36:20
for it was called mad tv the show i was on for eight [ __ ] i remember now you [ __ ] memorize
00:36:26
that yeah what's it called mad tv what is it called [Laughter] right so then i got then i got mad after
00:36:33
that wow and then so it all happened so commercial tonight yeah yeah you know you had more money in
00:36:39
your pocket than you've ever had in your entire life yeah i remember moving out of the place that wasn't got a new place
00:36:44
first the first thing you bought was a car second thing you bought well then i told you about the gti thing
00:36:50
that happened you got a gti so what happened was this is how dumb i am
00:36:56
this is how dumb i am so you know who aaron cater is of course comic yeah yeah so i go i got
00:37:02
him some money but i want to get a car he goes cash he's telling you buy a car all cash yeah
00:37:08
right all right i go how much if cars like 23 000 right if you have 20
00:37:14
000 in cash right you could just get it correct
00:37:19
right so i go all right let's do it so go to the bank i get cash you got 20 grand out yeah so i go
00:37:26
i get this gti this is going to drive you crazy this time yeah i feel it already yeah then like two or three weeks later i
00:37:33
lived in silver lake on sanborn and sunset yeah i know it's right right oh yeah and
00:37:38
it just disappeared it wasn't there anymore the car yeah one day disappeared it was
00:37:44
not there anymore and what do you think happened to it i don't know let's take a guess
00:37:50
we got him pounded it got stolen probably right i don't know what happened but i thought that once you
00:37:57
a car is gone you just got to go get another one
00:38:06
so i went back to era i go i got to get another it's not a piece of gum
00:38:11
it's like well this one's done i had to just grab a new one years later i found out you can call you know what i mean the cops yeah i
00:38:18
didn't do any of that insurance oh god so you went and bought another car yes what was the second one
00:38:23
the gti you bought the same car yeah yeah so you just got 20 grand out 20 grand again yeah and no one questioned you
00:38:29
because they thought maybe bobby's the road yeah yeah damn bobby that's so dumb so you pissed
00:38:34
away that 350k fast oh it was gone fast yeah is that the fact that i go to vegas
00:38:40
so this is so i don't know i'm getting so um sentimental but i like it yeah you do well it's valentine's day so so um
00:38:46
tell me more i'll tell you more so it got to the point where i had to go to ahri shift because then
00:38:52
ari shafir right the jewish guy the tall yes gary shafir
00:38:58
started getting commercials and i was running out of money yeah so i went to r i had no money again
00:39:04
because i burned through everything right you blew 350. yeah and it went up to you know and this is still i'm on my tv
00:39:11
but when i wasn't they didn't pay you a lot can i take a guess what it was an episodic rate right
00:39:17
you're getting paid per episode no i still had a deal but it was like the lowest you could get it was like
00:39:23
something like 4 500 a week oh it's a weekly thing oh right right they don't they don't pay that's right they don't pay you episodes
00:39:29
over there right yeah so it was just like and then with taxes and giving managers and agents really wasn't
00:39:34
much yeah right so i remember going up to erin give me 30 grand
00:39:40
give me 30 grand yeah yeah or something like that did he yeah he gave you 30k yeah because i was desperate but but didn't say i want it
00:39:46
back yeah he did no but it wasn't i didn't pay him for years he gave us and then every week
00:39:52
i would have to avoid him almost right so when he beat the [ __ ] out of me oh
00:39:58
yeah what a night right people think it's because of the natasha and all that kind of stuff it's the 30 grand deep down inside i
00:40:04
think it's because i remember once he beat the [ __ ] out of me the first time yeah i went to the bank because i had the money
00:40:10
then and i gave him the money back so it was about the money yeah well it's a conglomerate but then
00:40:15
he beat me up two more times so i don't think so but that's just a racial thing maybe the racial yeah that's the racism because he's racist yeah
00:40:22
that's wild to think that it was about the money though yeah i never knew that detail upstart bobby
00:40:27
you've been in debt oh many times in my life me too and i used credit cards to pay my way through
00:40:32
my debt which was bad it was piling compiling but guess what andrew what baby
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upstart can help you face it and finally pay it off yeah seriously you know that's it's it's
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00:42:12
choose what you want and there was a couple of those one that was like um there will be blood kind of a shirt yeah it's like a button-up
00:42:18
blue shirt it was cool it was really cool so i go i want that for sure yeah right and then there was a pair of pants i liked and the rest i just kind of put
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00:42:40
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my name's tyler i'm enough years old and i'm from newfoundland i love the bad friends podcast bad friends really changed my life i
00:43:36
appreciate you guys a lot kick-starting every week off with bad friends has been great
00:43:43
i really appreciate everything that you guys have done to keep us all entertained during the
00:43:48
[ __ ] apocalypse you guys really put a smile on my face you can put a smile face on everyone else you guys mean so much to me i love you
00:43:55
guys so much you guys bring it with the realness you bring it with the honesty and bring it with the jokes
00:44:01
congratulations i'm making it to the one year anniversary of bad friends you guys are [ __ ] hilarious
00:44:07
you guys are the best podcasts out there you guys are hilarious um all you guys from andrew bobby
00:44:14
jules andreas not george [ __ ] george don't you think by the way saying what you said if we're gonna get serious
00:44:19
about deepak chopra don't you think you should start doing um super nice things for other people again and that will increase your luck
00:44:24
or no well that's why you're my friend you know alex the warzone guy you're helping him out by making him get yeah because i
00:44:30
don't give him you know it's like you know he does things for me and you pay him for them i pay him for him but i
00:44:35
am good that's not like a good deed that's just like you employing somebody and overpaying them a good deed would be like yeah i know
00:44:41
what good giving are you giving fancy b some time off see he laughs because he
00:44:46
needs it so bad this is him i could really use that time off but georgie boy georgie boy's having a
00:44:53
baby yeah we're gonna we're gonna give him some time are we are we though yeah do we do paid paternity leave and all that no we don't
00:44:58
do that so he doesn't get paid nah you're not here you don't get paid you hear that but good luck with the
00:45:03
baby by the way if you bring that baby in here oh you know you're going to want to
00:45:09
listen i want to see it i want to see the baby yeah i want to kiss the baby um will you bring the baby to the show
00:45:15
yeah can we put it right between us but speaking of valentine's day um
00:45:20
you know i i ordered a ring shut up you did you seriously ordered a ring
00:45:28
well i'm talking to a guy you're going to do it i don't know what i'm going to do is he full of [ __ ] i think he will
00:45:36
are you being serious yeah i don't know what i don't know how it works i don't know what to say this is i'm going to say i'm going to say yes i'm
00:45:42
going to say yes never ask you what do you mean i would never marry you what is the ring for it's for my
00:45:49
significant significant other oh you know that's so funny that you say that because that's cool
00:45:54
no that's funny it's a funny bit well then let me [ __ ] have it all right but i had a show idea a long time ago i
00:45:59
think that you and i could do it what is it it's called um i think it was called cuffed or something you know what
00:46:05
i mean okay and basically you you it's a reality show okay you take two guys with polar
00:46:10
personalities yeah you handcuff them and they just have to live with each other for like a month i would rather
00:46:16
no i i know but i'm just saying me and you together yeah and you filmed 24 7. i go to the grocery store with you we
00:46:22
never take that take it off we take showers together right do we jerk each other off
00:46:28
i don't know maybe there's a thing that's i gotta drink off right no we have to cover we have to check each other no no no no no no no no no no no
00:46:33
no no no i would have took it off come on crosstalk yeah but are you right-handed i'm ambidextrous i learned because when i
00:46:39
broke my i when i broke my arm i learned how to go with my left ah sometimes i throw it in there just when i'm feeling yeah me too
00:46:44
i do that yeah but i think that that would be a good show coughed me and you cuffed yeah i mean it's scary yeah it'd probably end
00:46:50
this show you think so yeah yeah we would we would be like this is a fun segment and then we would do it i wouldn't believe in sleep would you be able to
00:46:57
even sleep no be next to you but also you'd be up all night i mean like what's your
00:47:03
schedule when are you when are you really going obviously i wouldn't be able to play warzone at four in the morning with me cuffed to you or maybe i could
00:47:11
i think i could yeah it would be me i'd be would be one my one arm like this but then i would then i would have to do
00:47:17
stuff that you'd want to do like golf oh my god you me taking you golfing you know bad the fans want to see you go
00:47:22
golfing with me yeah but you uh us handcuffed too well you'd be obviously on my one my my left arm that i i need my
00:47:29
one dominant arm right so let's say we're hooked here so i would have to go around you around
00:47:34
this and we'd do it and do it together yeah yeah i would do it yeah actually if we did a cuffed pitch i
00:47:39
would do it we should pitch it to netflix and be like we're willing to do this yeah but i was thinking about doing it
00:47:45
where um you could do it as a series where other people could do it too maybe it could be a you know like we're cuffed season one
00:47:52
or you could do it maybe because i think that doing 13 episodes could constantly eventually i would just
00:47:59
be dead yeah or vice versa yeah you would have you would kill each other i would kill you first yeah you probably
00:48:06
could be dragging around fat asian guy yeah but um i like cuffed
00:48:12
it's a it's a good idea it's almost like what's up what's that show um wife swap it's like that where you
00:48:17
take two people that should not be living in the same quarters all the time but what would your wife do if you and i
00:48:23
are i mean they'd have to be cuffed together too that would be fun and then who do we cuff to rudy yeah yeah
00:48:30
what do we cough to rudy yeah rudy we cover to fancy b fancy b how great would that be
00:48:36
they would get along so well oh yeah just two dorks hanging out all the time together yeah we're playing a gazebo
00:48:41
like we found we found a cure for hiv yeah yeah rudy and i have been working diligently
00:48:47
on getting satellites to the moon so you're gonna you have a pony coming
00:48:53
sunday pony coming on sunday that's for the dog um and i've also uh i've ordered some of the best meats
00:48:59
uh and i'm gonna cook uh filet mignon with a mushroom uh and truffle butter sauce do you
00:49:05
really know how to make those things 100 that's unbelievable you come over to the house man i watch enough food network i can cook almost anything at this point
00:49:11
how did valentine's start what's the origin of valentine's day you don't really know i really don't
00:49:16
shane valentino you don't know him no say valentino was a an italian explorer
00:49:22
obviously why he could have been latino okay you got it okay
00:49:27
he was an italian explorer this is actually a true story this is a true story let me finish but
00:49:33
can i just say this no cause i have to finish okay go ahead tell me this what are you gonna say
00:49:39
i'm just saying please be honest because if it's a joke then i'm going to have to google it
00:49:44
later i'm going to google it anyway right now yeah all right go ahead i'll just
00:49:49
valentino okay well first name marco marco valentino yeah dude
00:49:57
all right okay stop questioning me so marco valentino he went to he he went to the government
00:50:04
and said i want to go explore new lands right so all these boats are already heading out right who's had none of the boats that
00:50:09
we know colombo columbus magellan yeah no no sir
00:50:15
[Laughter] these guys are out there on the seas yeah valentino says i want to go out
00:50:21
there and he said valentino you can't we we've already paid for these men to get out at sea
00:50:26
we don't have any more room for you and he said well what if i build my own boat and they laughed in his face right right
00:50:33
the government's like valentino this guy's gonna send you a fill his own boat and they're dying right he's an idiot
00:50:40
he's poor this is a poor cobbler you know what cobbler is yeah dude they make apple cobbler
00:50:45
exactly he's making apple cobbler shoes yeah apple cobbler shoes which is such a bad business
00:50:50
it's such a bad business but he's doing it yeah and then every time you look we're done
00:50:55
in a day yeah yeah yeah and so he's so he's a poor cobbler and he says i'm gonna make the boat out of love
00:51:01
i swear to god there now they think he's not only is he stupid he's crazy they're like you're
00:51:06
dumb and you're insane he says i'm going to build the boat out of love and watch and i swear to god just like your deepak chopra story he
00:51:13
would go around to people in the town and offer his heart and love and honesty and say i want to give new land to the
00:51:19
rest of the world and find new places will you donate and his love that he gave to them they would give to him
00:51:24
the community came together they built a boat the love boat you know the show the love boat that's what it's based on yep
00:51:32
valentino set sail he found a new land but and it was called love island this week on mtv's love
00:51:39
island three couples let me ask you this though yeah i believe you thank you who's cute bee
00:51:46
who's who's cooped how did cupid get in there it has his name cupid cupid was actually an aborted baby oh that's where they're the angel that's
00:51:53
exactly right right he was aborted it was valentino's baby he just burst aborted babies right and the arrow
00:52:02
that he's he's trying to kill he's trying to kill valentino for for killing him yep because he made his
00:52:08
girlfriend yeah get an abortion yeah i would have liked life [ __ ] and and by the way his aggression
00:52:14
because the baby is doing that yeah yeah it turns into a love arrow because god doesn't allow that for me
00:52:20
to talk man see it all makes sense is that real is that close very close great really yeah
00:52:28
what's the real story dude here's what i'm gonna say to you andy yeah andrew i'm sorry yeah don't do it again
00:52:35
it really because when i talk about you at home yeah i call you andy andy did this or
00:52:40
you know i mean oh we gotta go see andy you know like today yeah we're gonna go see andy and it's just like i had a cousin named mandy
00:52:47
yeah i know i know your cousin yeah and um we promoted his product on this show one time that's paul they're all the same okay and um
00:52:55
and just andy is a cuter com comical name you don't like when i call you bob though but that's my name
00:53:01
your name is bob he's a version of my name all right you can call me whatever you want i am and that's why i keep doing it what can
00:53:07
we call her by the way rudy people don't even know why your name is rudy they don't get it
00:53:13
yeah and if you weren't sticking around for if you weren't that early on in the pod then you're never gonna know you know what's gonna drive her crazy if you call
00:53:18
her what caller honey because that's her mom's name
00:53:25
all right honey oh make sure that she doesn't like it [ __ ] when i call her honey at home yeah
00:53:31
she goes it's juliana she gets angry do you get really actually upset
00:53:37
no you love your mom because you know why as she gets older julianna says i'll be fat like my mom
00:53:44
well you might you keep stuffing your face with that balloon yeah yeah i say that you're gonna you're
00:53:51
getting fat like your mom you will be fat like my mom is your mom fat yeah
00:53:58
how big how fat though really she's not that fat she's thick chubby chubby but chubby chubby's great
00:54:03
look at photos of honey they look exactly like as a young person she was skinny is she was she not
00:54:08
yeah right so i'm just it's i'm just giving you i'm warning you you're studying eating the dumplings
00:54:14
what does she eat that makes ramen what's going to make her fat do you think i think the ramen so i bought how many times a day are you
00:54:20
eating um breakfast and dinner no lunch no she's not getting fat yeah no but she
00:54:27
eats a lot of junk like what like one time i ca i walked into a room and she and she was eating mcdonald's what
00:54:34
what's your what's your mcdonald's order i think we went over this last year yeah um um chocolate sundae chicken nuggets
00:54:41
chicken nuggets and hamburgers under hamburger yeah that's a good that's good that's so good she's
00:54:46
eating little mcdonald's and you're swagging your finger at her you're going hey you're going to get fat yeah why are you worried about her
00:54:52
weight because she's my daughter yeah but let her get a friend no then you have more material julianna
00:55:00
i have to say that i have you know um parental feelings towards you you know and you
00:55:06
treat me like garbage no you don't i don't
00:55:12
you treat me good yeah i care you never you know you don't i'll tell you why you don't care
00:55:17
because who does do i do conversations with you with you not involved in the conversations yeah yeah
00:55:23
so i'll go like this we'll be in the living room right because she doesn't say anything to me right yeah so i'll just go yeah i'm pretty
00:55:30
good yeah this morning my back hurt a little bit and um and she'll just be cooking something like making ramen or something
00:55:37
right and she's not saying anything and i'm just answering questions i wish you would ask me right she's sitting there just stirring
00:55:44
you know but as i get older you know i have you know other dreams she's like and she'll just be cooking
00:55:51
you don't pay any mind to him no i say good morning to bobby but you don't you don't you don't you're
00:55:56
not really engaged about his life no you don't care right no right
00:56:01
that's honest that's yeah but that's what i'm saying are you doing something for valentine's day no has a boy on the internet asked you
00:56:08
out for valentine's day no uh if you're lying we'll find out i'm not lying are guys still hitting on you on the
00:56:14
instagram who the direct messages yeah you were we found out you were getting dms yeah oh
00:56:21
yeah but i don't talk to them you don't any of them no swear to god
00:56:27
yeah rudy i promise okay okay because she's starting now they're going
00:56:33
in-room classes now so i'm letting her have my car wait seriously they're doing in school yeah in about a month
00:56:39
right yeah for for how much longer when when is school done in in in june oh really yeah
00:56:46
why did i think we were earlier than that april or may or whatever what what what is this is this the is
00:56:51
this the real definition of valentine's day from february 13th to 15th the romans celebrated the feast of lupe
00:56:59
never mentioned that the men sacrificed a goat and a dog yes i did and then whipped whipped women with the hides of the
00:57:04
animals they had just slain what whoa we should do this you get to hit somebody
00:57:10
zoom in closer please my eyes are [ __ ] from zoom in closer there it is from
00:57:15
february 13th to the 15th from february 13th to the 15th the romans celebrated the feast of
00:57:20
lupercolor the men sacrificed goat and a dog then whipped women with
00:57:26
hides of the animals they had just slain what the [ __ ] and the roman romantics were drunk they were naked
00:57:32
it says noelenski young women would actually line up uh line up for the men to hit them the women would get in line to get hit with
00:57:38
the hides of animals they believe this would make them fertile wow we gotta say this to chicks
00:57:44
today i know the brutal feat included matchmaking lottery which young men drew the names of women from a jar
00:57:50
the couple would then be um coupled for the duration of the festival or longer if the match was right so you just this is a like i would draw
00:57:56
a [ __ ] up name yeah like [ __ ] rosie o'donnell [Laughter]
00:58:03
you would get like someone hot yeah i got a supermodel yeah the ancient romans may also be responsible for the name of the modern day of love emperor claudius
00:58:09
ii executed two men both named valentine after my story on february 14th of
00:58:14
different years in the third century 80 there martyrdom was honored by the catholic church with the celebration of saint valentine's day
00:58:21
so nothing that you said no no this is what also was happening while i was saying what yeah but this is the important
00:58:26
stuff why would you leave off this stuff well because this well yeah you're right i wanted this to
00:58:32
be found after i told you the original story yeah it's pretty impressive though
00:58:37
yeah you used to they used to beat women with the hides of dogs so what do you how do you make a hide
00:58:43
you kill a dog first scan it you skin it you dry it out dry it skin it right
00:58:48
and then you what oh it's used as like an area rug or a carpet yeah and then how do you you roll it up
00:58:54
and you hit somebody with it yeah roll it and smack it baby you've never heard a roll on smack you don't know
00:59:00
i don't know about rolling spot it's so it was like a yoga mat but for beating women yeah it was the only
00:59:06
way yeah instead of yeah you'd roll it up like a yoga mat yeah like yeah hit a woman right and then why why can't they use a
00:59:14
stick sticks were so it was just like know what it means sticks were there wasn't many trees back then no the trees have
00:59:21
come as time is gone or isn't whips made from hide a switch of a whip is made from a hide
00:59:26
leather yeah leather yeah that's the same thing whip but it takes a long time with this way
00:59:32
you you skinned the dog you already got your your you know you're rolling beat yeah i you know i
00:59:38
i are you into s m or i thought about stuff like that look did we buy a harness
00:59:45
yeah yeah yeah yeah my biggest fear about all that stuff is murder because what if like somebody
00:59:51
takes it too far yeah every time i see it i'm like what if you hit someone and hurt them and kill them
00:59:56
yeah how do you explain that to your fam imagine you calling kalila's family i got playing around we were just
01:00:02
playing around she was tied up but why did she have a ball gag in her mouth and and she had so many things stuffed into her anus
01:00:09
it's the ball gate was the size of a ping-pong ball we didn't think that was going to do anything yeah but all the things you put in her
01:00:14
anus what was all that marshmallow toothpicks yes yeah also something was on fire sticking out of
01:00:20
her eyes why would you do that i don't know i like the sound
01:00:25
of kaboom could you imagine you'd have to explain to somebody how you if s m accidents happen i'm sure
01:00:31
you're hanging people from the ceiling you're tying them up yeah but what uh what's the pleasure though
01:00:37
the punishment is the pleasure i'm tied up right right a woman's whipping me she's in leather shut up yeah
01:00:43
it hurts oh god yeah it's like ah right what about the women that step on guys they step on their balls
01:00:49
that's a real guys love it they kick them in the balls but i think it's because i think the guys get off on it because they like to be submissive and sometimes
01:00:55
the women they they want this dominant i control you because men are so controlling
01:01:01
or or when the guy or the guy is like in a baby like in a bib feed me they feed me and
01:01:07
right and they're being in a chain right and they're crawling around right you're right it's like
01:01:12
and then the next thing you know they're working at an office these people are in hr right these are normal accounts out
01:01:18
working right and at home do you guys know that today is your
01:01:23
anniversary too this is our 52nd oh my god it's our one year one year anniversary oh my god this is of the pod
01:01:30
we did a there's one year of the park are you kidding me wow you and i have been talking for that
01:01:35
long for a year well we've been talking longer than that we've known each other significantly longer i know but we but we never really knew each other we
01:01:42
know each other as well as anybody knows each other in comedy i know but that's nothing it is and it's supposed to be that way i
01:01:47
know i went to your birthday party once i guess at the bowling alley you did and i went to your birthday and then we did some sketches together yes we did we
01:01:53
know we did something we did some stuff but in comedy it's hard to to get really in depth of people you know why you're so hungry hustling for
01:01:59
your own this is what people don't know and we talk too much business sometimes but what people don't understand is like
01:02:05
when you say you put in years of work when i say putting years of work they all are kind of like yeah whatever they don't understand
01:02:11
yeah that you're like 10 hours a night it's not even that though it's and 10 hours a day and then the four
01:02:17
hours that you're supposed to have to yourself you're panicking about why you can't make money and make rent and how many other gigs you need to do to make
01:02:22
sure it's all going to work out and who doesn't like me why can't i get booked to this thing and how to it's it's never-ending but when you show up to uh so it's hard
01:02:29
to make relationships right yeah you have to imagine that everybody wants to make it that's what
01:02:35
i'm saying everybody will cut your throat yes to get ahead yeah right so you're in this environment right
01:02:42
where you're but also you have to play nice well you have to you have to be a decent nice human you have to go good
01:02:48
set you did good did it good that was funny you're gonna go places right but then right they talk [ __ ]
01:02:56
about you they slash you behind your back of course right and you have to you have to navigate all this [ __ ]
01:03:02
[ __ ] right and then like i remember one time when when mitch hedberg shot his first special copyright central
01:03:10
yeah i was there were you really yeah i was there the one that he bombed yeah were you bombed he was terrible it
01:03:16
was bad i remember how bad and he made fun of how bad it was the whole time yeah so i was there and but for me to but i was there
01:03:24
because i begged 10 people right right and to even get in into that
01:03:30
place and then i was like you know i mean just back stage i didn't know anybody right and nobody
01:03:37
knew me people would walk by like norman mcdonald was there you know people and i was just like no one knows me
01:03:44
i beg to get here right and i can't mingle i don't know who to talk to
01:03:50
you're just kind of staggering right and you leave and you go home and you're like that was worthless yeah i mean and you just never know how
01:03:56
to make it yeah how do you make it that's why you have to fight you have to fight the whole time and then years later you
01:04:03
you just kind of realize oh i know what the key the key is this you just don't stop well you got to be
01:04:10
talented no you have to be but there's a lot of guys i can tell you 10 guys right now that are super
01:04:16
talented that haven't made it and they've been around for a long time so what's the problem with them
01:04:23
it's just it look you got to have a look that has a lot to do with it yeah like
01:04:29
you've got a look and i and i have a look and we do no we stand out that's my point yeah i think that our personality
01:04:35
it's not a good idea we're not good-looking i know but our characters are kind of chiseled out we you know we we know what
01:04:42
we are yeah it's very obvious it's obvious yeah and so like when i go in to an audition
01:04:47
it's like i know generally they know what they're getting yeah this is what they want right yeah so
01:04:54
it's like and a lot of it has to do with timing it's a lot of times it's harder for white guys
01:04:59
now is it yeah it is isn't it it's so hard they don't they don't want it in terms
01:05:05
of acting comedy it's just hard if you could tell by you know
01:05:11
um i'm going to say this a couple of new faces ago in at montreal
01:05:18
yeah right i remember hearing a couple of managers and agents going this it's the end of comedy
01:05:25
because now they're choosing people to tick a box instead of by how funny they are right right so they
01:05:32
have to have the fat black eye they have to have the asian guy they have to have six women they have to have
01:05:38
instead of going who's the funniest yeah comedy merit but what if the fat black
01:05:44
guy and the asian woman and all that stuff what if they are very funny they just didn't get a chance to get shown but still that's another side the
01:05:49
funnier white guys should get in the funnier the funniest people should get in period yeah right
01:05:55
but that doesn't necessarily mean that um so some of those check marks won't be checked sometimes if you went through if you
01:06:01
based it on just talent and the room and work ethic and
01:06:06
and all that stuff some some checks mark you know you don't you know what i'm saying i know what
01:06:11
you're saying yeah and you also want to be probably the top asian dog for a while what do you mean i shouldn't use asian
01:06:17
and dog in the same but i mean you want to be the top guy for a while because you want to be you don't want another couple of young
01:06:23
asians creeping up on you they're already there i know but i'm saying it's a little it's a weird huh no it's not because you were kind of holding your own phone
01:06:30
and joel kim boosters yeah there was a time yeah no there's
01:06:35
some guys that are creeping up right now no it's very funny i don't know what you're trying to do no i'm sorry
01:06:40
no there is a do you know why yeah do you know why no why no because of the fact that i'm old
01:06:47
oh yeah right oh yeah and you can't take away the things i've done right you can't take away age right experience i mean that is
01:06:54
experience it's just like in terms of the relationships i have right and the things that i've carved out and i did a lot of firsts
01:07:00
you know i mean a lot of people owe you favors no that's a that's a fact you've made a
01:07:06
you've cultivated a lot of relationships and you've let a lot of people down as far as what you've given them
01:07:12
but they owe you have i got my [ __ ] role on magnum pi or not
01:07:18
i'm gonna get it because we watched it the other night because of you i put it on instagram yeah you win the washing machine can i do your scene
01:07:24
can i do your scene i'm gonna say this you be jay and i'll be you me all right i'm ready yeah okay all right
01:07:29
you're jay here i don't know what his i don't know what his lines were but yeah man make it up like we do on the show about everything all right [ __ ] you
01:07:35
all right yeah agent what are you doing oh what's his name jen know your name jin that's why i just
01:07:41
said it i'm magnum yeah i'm jen yeah so go hey jim what are you doing right okay sorry hey jen what are you doing magnum what
01:07:49
are you doing here oh um i don't know but what are you doing in that in the in the laundry
01:07:56
oh my god you're making me so angry right now why i don't know why that's the scene laundry yeah yeah uh looks like you're
01:08:02
doing more than laundry no and then does he open it is that what happens yeah he opens it so he opens it
01:08:08
and then it's money you see it's money yeah yeah and i go oh no yeah and you say money and you're you're
01:08:14
laundering money no i'm not [Laughter] how about that [ __ ] hate and then you
01:08:20
go and then you go yeah and then you say something to the effect of uh yeah it's a couple of side gigs what's a little bit of hustle
01:08:25
yeah you want to get in on it yeah it's not that big of an ideal thing yeah yeah and then he says what magnum says clean
01:08:31
up your action yeah george and i were uh celebrating your anniversary and we reach out to a lot of
01:08:38
like celebrities to who are are you serious huge fans of the show oh wow
01:08:44
i like that and they just send us a few a few messages for you guys okay that's great if they're not real
01:08:50
celebrities i'm going to be so this is john cleese i'm sure you know this because you aren't buffoons
01:08:57
a life without love is simply like the moon without stars flowers without a smell a sky
01:09:04
without sun or in your case a podcast without comedy happy anniversary
01:09:12
wow impressions anyone can do that so we're calling them out are we gonna call them out frank caliendo did that who did
01:09:19
that who did that joke that was john cleese yeah also he didn't say our names
01:09:25
okay go ahead this is morgan freeman i just want to tell you boys you're an
01:09:32
addiction i never want to get over i hope to spend every valentine's day of our lives
01:09:38
together that's morgan freeman we got a lot of good celebrity friends
01:09:44
who else hit us up for millions of years man has been searching for a podcast
01:09:51
david ambrose fill its hearts with joy and love i dare say you boys have done it next
01:09:58
time i'm in town let's show each other our mating dancers
01:10:04
is that you it's david attenborough okay give me another one none of these are me mcconaughey here
01:10:11
hope you boys find love that's matthew not only in people but also in everything you do and
01:10:17
everything around you that actually sounds like him and look around you yeah i want to know who the
01:10:23
impressions always you see everything around you you see
01:10:29
the walls maybe there's a table there's some things on the table
01:10:35
just pick up something hold it in your hand okay feel it
01:10:43
love that okay they're not specific all you need be specific
01:10:52
don't say boys say bobby andrew sent you bad friends you know something like that that that
01:10:58
narrows it down yeah i mean what so who's is there more one more oh wow we got so many celebrity buds
01:11:05
that love us these are all real i had to call you boys i mean wow i really haven't christopher
01:11:12
walken this is a [ __ ] bad friend he loves this show but i have a fever and the only prescription
01:11:19
is more bad friends can you send that to me in pill form or maybe a suppository i could shove it
01:11:26
at my ass call me back ciao that's great
01:11:32
is that an app yeah it's an app i don't know what is that you guys it's a lot of just celebrity friends no
01:11:38
it's not it's not be honest with me who did that
01:11:45
well george and i sent uh the podcast to a lot of celebrities and those are the five who actually
01:11:51
watch it they don't like that that's pretty cool that those guys actually watch the show yeah
01:11:57
i can't believe you don't give them credit thank you
01:12:04
we have a lot of messages from let's play a couple minutes
01:12:09
yeah all right let's hear fans what's up andrew bobby rudy jules andrades and george
01:12:17
andrade it's me george i wanted to thank you guys for you know 52 weeks of pickering and
01:12:24
banter and love uh you guys literally give me the energy and
01:12:31
inspiration to [ __ ] plow through every day at full force like a freight train i'm
01:12:38
down 60 pounds now hell yeah yeah for bmi surgery oh that's awesome oh my god
01:12:44
you know what that is give me your stapled and stuff
01:12:50
i wanted to show you guys some [ __ ] tremendous love from kankakee illinois buddy
01:12:55
oh what a nice guy hey what's up bobby and andrew hi my name is alex and just wanted to give you guys a quick thank you
01:13:00
obviously with 2020 being the train wreck as it was um your podcast could not have come along at a better time i mean with all the the
01:13:07
negativity and everything going around scratching his [ __ ] what really was much
01:13:12
comic relief scratching his [ __ ] that's good so you guys
01:13:22
thanks very much for everything guys i like that guy very clever he's from chicago i can feel it yeah he says content thanks for the
01:13:29
content andrew bobby jules george fancy bee what up i'm rocom i made the intro music for the show
01:13:35
there it is um it's okay if you guys cut this out and don't use it all right we're gonna cut it we're gonna
01:13:41
cut that much i appreciate the shot for letting me be a tiny part of it at the beginning of each episode oh it's been a year and i think that's
01:13:48
insane and you guys are so huge like i can literally talk to anyone now
01:13:53
and say oh i made that intro music for this podcast and they know what i'm talking about very cool you guys are killing it and i can't wait to see what
01:14:00
the future brings i'm about to cry don't cry
01:14:05
every monday and i love it that's my boy that's nice bro comes the [ __ ] i like it more i like it you like this
01:14:10
making you touching you in a good way i like this bob there are other people that look like this uh
01:14:15
bobby andrew jules andres the behind the scenes producers that are
01:14:21
remote um and no one else [ __ ] you pink dick
01:14:26
yes this guy's awesome has meant a lot to me this year i played during online classes to
01:14:32
procrastinate work and it's really a big deal to me to see another
01:14:37
uh weird mutant freak redheaded person making it big time yeah baby you know
01:14:42
it's kind of like there's hope how bobby must have felt when he first saw like enter the dragon
01:14:48
um yeah thank you that's great dude my kid has a good sense of humor i love it
01:14:58
little asian joke we gotta throw a couple in there as redheads it's part of our thing yeah rick glassman again making an
01:15:04
appearance on our podcast
01:15:11
bobby's really lit andrew's a little bit rudy's really lit and it's just fun to watch sometimes i
01:15:18
like that guy short and simple and the lips was really cool that was really good
01:15:24
happy anniversary to two of my favorite comics in the world i listen to you guys i mean [ __ ]
01:15:33
a lot while i brush my teeth while i cook dinner my roommate thinks i'm an absolute
01:15:40
psychopath um because i i blast you guys conversations throughout the
01:15:46
apartment love it um some of it may be a little controversial but it sure as [ __ ] makes me laugh do we
01:15:52
say controversial stuff yeah like robert e lee stuff we did earlier that's good stuff how much you've you've helped me uh this year throughout
01:15:58
the pandemic it's been rough out there um thank you so much
01:16:04
see there are good looking redheads she's cute there's some good looking redheads on this side yeah see yeah i told you we got some of
01:16:09
that we have some in the stable yeah yeah also i want to say this is a very serious note thank you to our fans we
01:16:14
really do appreciate it it's our anniversary and this has meant a lot to us probably as as much as it's meant to you
01:16:19
guys it does we love it and uh you know here's what i here's what i want to say sincerely is
01:16:25
um that you know sometimes because you know this studio is just down the street from our house it's
01:16:31
a mile from our home so we just kind of get in the car and we drive here and you think you're doing because i don't go out so i don't
01:16:38
really know what's going on really what's going on and what the reaction really is because you
01:16:43
know we don't go on the road and i don't ever feel so it's like um
01:16:49
so you kind of feel like you're doing it in a vacuum you know yeah and um but when you get messages like
01:16:55
this you realize that people do listen to it um i don't know why
01:17:00
because they love it i know but i'm just you know i have to ask don't do that again i do know why it's magic it's magic baby
01:17:07
so we thank you we thank you and rudy wants to thank you as well rude to say something thank you everyone for
01:17:15
oh my listening happy anniversary no be sincere idiot gets off a [ __ ] boat
01:17:21
knows three words in english and you get her a job internet superstar yeah and she's an internet superstar and that's what she
01:17:27
comes up with be sincere i am no say something more say more thank you
01:17:34
thank you again she starts with thank you okay for if you say being a bad friend no
01:17:41
thank you for always um
01:17:46
i don't know unless they finish it you're going to talk for two minutes
01:17:52
yeah you gotta talk fill in the [ __ ] dead air fill in the desert two minutes let's go thank you for for
01:17:59
supporting the podcast thank you for listening to us even if it's stupid
01:18:08
thank you for you don't have to say thank you yeah just say your heart yeah your heart go
01:18:14
ahead i love coming here so much the boys treat me better than i ever could ever expected back where i
01:18:22
come from all i had was one balloon a week to eat and now here i eat
01:18:27
every day anything i want so thank you to the fans to america and to donald
01:18:33
trump this is the greatest country keep moving your lips this is the greatest country on earth make america great again
01:18:43
yeah we got you saying that on tape yeah my name is rudy and on january 6th
01:18:50
i went to the capitol i um i had my bed and i had my confederate
01:18:57
flag and i tried to bash in the window but i'm so weak so i went to the front door and went in
01:19:04
i said hey where nancy pelosi office i'm gonna hate her do you mean i don't
01:19:09
know if i'm gonna get in trouble but no one did nothing so i'm back here doing bad friends thank you for being a bad friend
01:19:15
that's great thank you for being a bad
01:19:20
friend [Applause]
01:19:27
[Music] [Applause]
01:19:34
oh [Music]
01:19:43
[Music]
01:19:48
maybe [Music]
