00:00:00
Happy holidays. Happy holiday. What are you doing? Don't need on camera because uh it's bad for the sound. Mhm. Bobby, you need new jokes.
00:00:10
Go ahead. Um uh Andreas, say what you want to say. I have always wanted to say that um
00:00:18
I don't like Bobby. I hate him. And I'm running to quit for years. I don't like Rudy either because I I me Andre Rosende I don't like brown people
00:00:31
at all. I'm pro ICE. Andre Rosende pro ICE. I'm totally against ICE, man. Because I'm liberal. Why are you talking free Palestine?
00:00:43
I'm free Palestine, man. What's going on with that stuff, man? You mean because I'm a, you know,
00:00:49
I'm on the right side of history. People don't know, but secretly I beat my wife.
00:00:55
I'm Andreas Rosende. I beat my wife. Yeah. Why don't you tell us what's going on with you, Rudy?
00:01:01
You're a pod traitor. You're the worst. You're not my boss. Andrew's my boss. Mhm. Just shut up. Oh, your dad died. Oh, sorry.
00:01:13
Jesus Christ, dude. That's real. That is crazy. We're supposed to be in character. You two are bad friends.
00:01:20
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
00:01:28
You two are something. We're bad friends. Rudy can't fail. Hello. Hello. I'm trying. You know what I'm doing? Been because she does knows
00:01:45
nothing about music. What do you mean? Because today I woke up and she's playing her like, you know what I mean? Japanese pop music or
00:01:52
whatever. No, it's Rosalia, whatever it is. You mean Japanese Spanish, you know, and I'm listening to this stuff, right? And I'm go, do you know the history of music? And she goes, I'm
00:02:06
open. Right. So, I'm going to make her a playlist. Yeah. Of things that I like throughout
00:02:11
history. Okay. But can you listen to her, too? Yeah. I already That's her. Yeah.
00:02:17
Now you like her. I like her a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I like her a lot. Yeah. I like her eyebrows. How does she do that with her? Is that like shave? She
00:02:23
shaves them like that. Yeah. There's a worm on her head. Is that a worm? That's what the kids are. Oh, it is. That's her trademark.
00:02:28
Oh, it is. Okay. Um, yeah. Is she Hispanic? She Spanish? Yeah. Spanish. That's Hispanic. From Spain. Yeah. You called the line. You're drawing the
00:02:40
line again. Wait a minute. She's Hispanic. Yeah. Is that not true? No, it's true. But different than the
00:02:46
other kind of Hispanic. Hispanic means speak Spanish. So yes. Okay. Yeah. People from Spain are considered
00:02:52
Hispanic. Yeah. But not Latino. Not Latino. Latino. Yeah. Latinos, as we know, are the true Americans. The true Americans. Yeah. That's a Latino right there. Yeah. Actually, you're Latin X cuz you're
00:03:04
being excommunicated from this podcast pretty soon. What do I do? Here's what Lat I was in the hospital this week.
00:03:09
Here's what Latinos are like. My dad's a doctor. I'm going to get into comedy. 20 years later. Glory holes. My dad went to medical school and became a doctor. I'm going to go to glory holes. Have a
00:03:21
dudes. Do drugs. You're a drug addict. You got lucky. You are so lucky. You were born to be
00:03:28
famous in the '9s. You are so lucky. How am I lucky? If you were born in 1987, you'd be like
00:03:35
working at a laundromat right now. What if he was born in like the What if he was born in like the the '9s? What do
00:03:41
you think his career would be? He would have tried to be a writer on Parks and Wreck and it never would have happened.
00:03:46
Whoa. Yo, at best at best. Whoa. Slam. You're fired. This is Slamfest 2025. Wow. You just got personally, huh? Yeah. I had to fight back on that. Like, I'm still here. There's a lot of people
00:04:04
who are funnier than me that are doing nothing in LA now. I would argue there's nobody funnier than you. How about that? I think you're
00:04:09
one of the most talented people in the world. The reason why I made fun of you is because I respect your talent. Manipulating.
00:04:16
That's emotional abuse. That's emotional abuse. You know what you sound like right now? What? A truck backing up.
00:04:24
No, dude. I'm not beeping, dude. Well, then go forward. I'm going forward. Well, no, you're not. You just backed out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:04:29
Is it not true? I'm just stating facts. All right. Is it not true, right, that your father's a
00:04:37
physician? That. Yes, your honor. That's true. Okay, good. Was isn't he retired now?
00:04:42
No, he's in He's like barely older than Bobby. Yeah. Okay, that's another slam. That's fine. That's fine. Okay.
00:04:48
You single? Uh, kind of sometimes. Will you slow down? What are you in heat right now? Relax.
00:04:54
Stepmom. Yeah. Dude, how funny if she became Carlos's stepmom. One of the funniest things on earth.
00:05:01
I would just have, you know, I mean, a jacket bomb at the wedding and I would just pull. Everyone dies.
00:05:06
Al-Qaeda. Is that your closer? Jacket bomb. Jacket bomb. Anyway, so let's go back to court. Okay. Yeah. Your dad's not a physician. He is. He is. Right.
00:05:17
Um a very highly respected one. Correct. Correct. What kind of physician is he? Cancer. Cancer. The cancer surgeon. That's incredible.
00:05:27
And he still smokes, right? No, he doesn't. Okay. That's That's top That's top doctor.
00:05:32
Cancer surgeon. I don't even know if there's someone above him. Yeah, I know. Wow. Man who owns hospital. Who's above that guy?
00:05:38
That guy. Man who owns hospital. So respected this and that. Went to how how how many years? You're like the dentist of that world.
00:05:44
Yeah. Yeah. Dude, orthodontist for junior high kids. Are you Are you saying he's like a
00:05:50
dental hygienist? He's not even a dentist. Is that what you're trying? Very mid-level. Damn. Yeah. By the way, shout out to my dental
00:05:56
hygienist. Okay. If I'm a dental hygienist, you're what are you? You wash the tables in the lobby in comedy?
00:06:02
Yeah. No, I'm like the the assistant or something. Okay. in the O. Okay. Yeah, I'm doing You know what? I can't wait for my
00:06:08
special to come out and prove you wrong. Oh, here we go. This is going to be the whole motto all 2026. When it comes out,
00:06:13
you'll see all the reviews. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you might. Some people might not like it, but I'm just saying. You know what I mean? You're
00:06:19
against me. I'm Yeah, you're against me. No, this He's against me, dude. You're making a false ghost in front of
00:06:25
you to chase. Andrew, is he against me? Andrew, when the attack before, right? Yeah. Was truths. Oh, only truth. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like I don't
00:06:37
think that I was, you know, I mean, I think you're a very complex, dynamic, artistic guy,
00:06:42
right? That script that you wrote was [ __ ] amazing. The one you didn't read. I did read it. I read it. Oh, yeah. Andrew read it.
00:06:48
I know. I read it, too. Oh, I didn't know you read it. Yeah, I loved it. Why did I tell Abby I like this?
00:06:53
Oh, yeah. That's right. Got it wrong. Okay. So, what I'm saying is that I think that you're talented, right?
00:06:59
But you're telling everyone that I'm like a loser because headlining community. I didn't say that. So unrealistic
00:07:04
if that's what I was saying is is that it was more toward Andreas because because of the Latino thing.
00:07:13
No, let's let's get it here. Stop backing up the truck. All right. I I I came in a little hot.
00:07:18
I'm sorry. But I'll be honest with you, your knives are so sharp today. I don't think I've seen you this keen.
00:07:24
What is it? You went to the hospital on Monday night. I went to the hospital and I've been in my place for like two
00:07:30
hours. How come I didn't get a phone call? What's going on? I didn't want to stress you out. What's going on?
00:07:35
Acting acting concerned. Okay. Yeah. Take two. Just give me just give me a sec. Just give me that. You can't even fake it. I can fake it. And three, two, one.
00:07:47
What is going on? He laughed. Ready? One more day. One, two, three. What's going on?
00:07:54
I got a stomach virus and I was It was Shut the Shut the [ __ ] up. You're ruining the moment.
00:07:59
I have health insurance. So I can go to the hospital. Did you eat something bad? Yeah, I think I did. And it [ __ ] me up
00:08:04
and I had to go get IVs all night. Are we talking like blood and stool again? No, it wasn't blood, which was great. Yeah. When a little bit,
00:08:12
let me tell you something. I was embarrassed. We're on a buddy system on this show. Everyone has to call someone when something happens. We're on a buddy
00:08:19
system. So never again. Exactly. We have to. Buddy system. Yeah. I've always said that.
00:08:25
Yeah. We're on a buddy system, Dan. How are you? You were embarrassed. What's going on? You were embarrassed. Yeah, it was. Why were you embarrassed?
00:08:30
He's going to the hospital every week. Yeah, I didn't want you to think I was up to no good. Wait, what is going on with you
00:08:36
healthwise? We got to fix that, though. I think I'm too thin and I don't eat enough, so when I get sick, it [ __ ] me
00:08:41
up. And um And you're wearing Amish clothing. I Where do you get that shirt? That's an old umpire in the 40s. Yeah.
00:08:48
What do you do? Do do you work in Xanadoo? Like, where do you get that shirt? McCone loved that shirt.
00:08:54
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever wear that again. That shirt is what? It's what? Fire. It's not fire. We don't say that word on
00:09:00
this show anymore. Cooper, huh? It's Anderson Cooper. Yeah. Yeah. That's not Anderson Cooper. That's otherworldly.
00:09:06
That's Jake Jake Trapper or whatever. Yeah. Jake Trapper. I got to tell you something. You got to
00:09:12
call a buddy system. But you do need to get your health in check. Yeah. I haven't been eating a lot. Brother, you got to wake up, take a
00:09:19
walk, get something to eat, get your system back. I mean, exercise I think I definitely want you to do,
00:09:25
but eat. You got to eat, dog. I know. I know. You got to live more like Andrew and not like Bob.
00:09:30
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not I'm not listening. You're projecting on what you would do in this situation.
00:09:36
You're not listening. I'm not saying I'm the I don't know. I'm not saying I know better. I'm saying but for you as your friend. You do have to
00:09:43
eat better. You do have to like you got to change your diet. You can't eat [ __ ] once every other day.
00:09:49
Yeah, that's how I eat. I have air smoothies and I chill. Dude, that's not good. Depressed? No, I'm not depressed. I I like my life.
00:09:56
You're afraid of getting fatter and older. You're afraid of turning into Andreas. Older than me. Has a hot wife.
00:10:02
Older. Yeah. Has a hot wife. Has a beautiful child. I kind of want to be like Andre one day. Got new hair. I mean, everything is
00:10:07
worth it. God damn. Well, so this So maybe it's being in the booth booth with him that's like [ __ ] you up.
00:10:14
Should we move you out of the booth and get your own section? I could I would cuz Andreas is thriving.
00:10:19
He really is. Yeah. Yeah. He's grown into I don't look him like a por anymore. What do you look at them at now?
00:10:26
Like the baby version of the Staypuff marshmallow. Marshmallow mask. Cutest thing on earth. Yeah. It's the cutest thing on earth.
00:10:31
You know what I mean? Thank you. Yeah. My favorite thing is when your glass is fog. That's probably one of the my
00:10:37
eyes sweat. I didn't know eyes could sweat. I have never seen that before. Yeah. I thought I thought that was only Cambodians.
00:10:42
Yeah. Speaking of Cambodians, Rudy Jules is back in the studio. Thank God. Everybody. And you know who else she brought? Who'd she bring? Her mom. But let's get her later. We'll get her later. That's fine. Your mommy's here.
00:10:52
Your mom's here? Are you excited to see your mommy here? Well, they live together. They live in my house. I mean, here in the studio. Here in the
00:10:58
studio. Yeah. Yeah. But she's scared. Shouldn't be. Shouldn't be. Yeah, she should. Should be.
00:11:03
You should be scared cuz I know things. Scared of me? Hell yeah. Oh, have you met her? No. Yeah, I think. Didn't I meet her once?
00:11:10
I don't think so. Oh, yeah. I have to limit my brown people that I meet every year. I think I'm up to like seven. I might be at the roof. Yeah, you're at the roof. You're too too
00:11:18
much. I think two two over. Yeah. Yeah. You got to you got to cut two of them out. I will. That's fine. Yeah. I I better be not be one of them.
00:11:23
No, of course not. You're not brown, buddy. Yeah, I'm not yellow. You're actually more You know what you are? You know what you are
00:11:30
because of your new health, new found health and and body style. Yeah. I think you're more like uh you're
00:11:37
ombre. I'm a Hispanic now. No, not an ombre. Ombre. An ombre. Ombre means like the the color that like um changes into another one. Like I like
00:11:48
ombre like hair. Like you shift colors. You're not all one unified color. Thank you. Thank you. Like a mixed
00:11:53
person. Like 100%. You're ombre. By the way, we should call mixed people ombres now. Yeah. Yeah. Um before we bring in um
00:11:59
your mom. Okay. Um how's it going? Good. Interesting. Came with the fire, huh? She brought the heat.
00:12:10
She's out on prowl. Well, here's what she's also doing. She's on every other podcast on Earth. I No, I'm not.
00:12:15
Yeah, you are. Oh, really? The cute young handsome guy. Who's the young handsome guy? Zack Justice. Zack Justice. You're with that [ __ ] mega babe. I see you with that guy all
00:12:21
the time. How many times have you done it with him? Maybe like 12 times. Jesus. Okay. Yeah.
00:12:26
Trans Tuesdays. How many? I don't know. Weekly. Weekly. Yeah. Weekly. Not weekly. A lot. Sometimes she pops in a belly
00:12:33
sometimes. Yeah. Sometime. Yeah. Yeah. But that's like a family podcast. So is this.
00:12:38
Yeah. And this is your original family. Now you went off. You know what? This is what happened. You got to college just
00:12:43
like all these little brats do. And you abandoned your original family that grew you, that nurtured you, the ones that
00:12:49
raised you, that cared about you, and you floated off to a cool family to hot Zack Justice. No, I didn't.
00:12:55
Yeah, you changed. You changed. So Bobby told me to do it, so I said I I'll No, he didn't. You were on call when we Well, I'm your lawyer. He's your lawyer. Okay.
00:13:07
Okay. I was just like, pump it up. Yeah. You know what I mean? She deserve more. Pump it up. I I don't know the [ __ ]
00:13:14
lingo. Solid. That's solid. How about the jam? You know what I mean? Yeah. What's been going on with you? Life's good. She's been uh going on dates. You went drove all the way to what? Uh Roondo.
00:13:26
Where'd you go? To uh Lagona. Lagona to meet the guy that you like. Yeah. Yeah. The handsome young um half African-American boy.
00:13:36
Yeah. Is he a surfer? Um he's learning. Yeah. You like that guy? You like huge. He's
00:13:42
He's like uh Pull up a photo. No, I don't want I don't want He's He's like a Jaden Smith kind of a
00:13:48
Oh, you know what I mean? One of those artsy artsy. Yeah. Yeah. There he is. There he is. Right there. Is that Leonard Robinson? Who is that?
00:13:54
That's like Terry Henri. Wow. Look at that. But you like the surf life. You like guys that are beach beach guys. Too beachy where they're just like so dumb and like white. Now when Now when you went on a date
00:14:06
with them recently, um did you where did you guys go? You went to the beach. Okay.
00:14:11
So, he's a beach guy. Yeah. Do you think that like black surfers talk like this? I have met a couple black surfers. I
00:14:16
mean, I know a couple black skaters that talk like that. They're very like, "What up, dog?" Yeah. What's up, dude? What's up, bro? Yeah, I love that. Yeah. [ __ ] Yo, you going to [ __ ] hit
00:14:23
shred the Nard dog? Yeah, dude. I just did a laser flipped off the bank, dude. Are you [ __ ] tripping right now, dude? No, I did. Dude,
00:14:29
Illied it. Dude, you didn't hard flip Cove Avenue, dude. I didn't hard flip. Actually, I laser flipped. Yeah, but I hard flipped it, dog. So,
00:14:35
come see about Oh, you did a hard flip at Cove Avenue. First of all, dude, first first trick at Cove. I was one that broke Cove,
00:14:41
bro. Dude, check Everybody knows Cody broke. Check out my Dude, Dude, dude, check out my Baker video. Dude,
00:14:46
your Baker session is so weak, dude. Chris Cole just said it was [ __ ] dope, dude. I'll call him right now.
00:14:51
Call him right now. Oh, first of all, okay, what year did you do that, dude? When you hard flipped
00:14:56
the bank, dude. 88, dude. Everybody knows. Oh, [ __ ] I remember that. That was sick. Sick. Thank you, dude. Yeah, my guy.
00:15:02
Yeah, you did that for Zero Skateboards, dude. When you were signed by them, right? I was signed by Zero and I got dropped and I Well, you want to bring it
00:15:08
up because you're being a [ __ ] punk ass [ __ ] Yeah, dude. How come you're not signed now, dude? Well, aren't you still riding flow? I heard you're riding Floor,
00:15:15
Dude. I'm sponsored by Flow. You mean Killer Wheels? No, you're riding. Yeah. Yeah. You're getting floated for trucks, dude.
00:15:22
They gave me four new trucks, dude. Okay, dude. All right, dude. And also also, I'm still kind of like co-sponsored by Paper
00:15:28
kind of something sometime. How about this, dude? I saw your [ __ ] board in Pacific Sunware. This is sick, dude. I told I saw your
00:15:34
compress for sale. I told him to yank that board from Pacific Sunrise. Still there, dude. Yeah, I know it is, dude. But you know
00:15:39
what, dude? It's selling well, dude. Would be, dude. Hack sellout fart. Oh, where's your board, dude? What, dude?
00:15:53
Oh, yeah. I just forgot to tell you. What? I wanted to take a picture. I met Yuki
00:15:59
Cenota yesterday. Oh my god. Who is that? Seriously? Yeah, I don't know who you Oh my god. One of the greatest F1 drivers in Oh, [ __ ] I met You know that stereotype that Asians
00:16:10
can't drive. Look at this man. He's crashed three times this year. Really? He's No, no, no. He's literally one of the best F1 drivers in the planet. Yeah. And I'm not kidding when I say this.
00:16:21
Yeah. 120 max pounds. Look at how much he weighs. He They are all tiny tiny men. I didn't know they
00:16:26
were that small. I like jockeyies in a way. 119. That's what I said. 120. I'm heavier than him. You're bigger than
00:16:32
him. That's crazy. That's crazy. These guys. That's him. That's him again with an NBA player. Yeah. With Porzingis. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:43
That looks like a [ __ ] That's me and Brad Williams. That's insane. So, how tall is he? The
00:16:50
tall guy. 7 73. 73. And then Yuki is how tall? 53. Oh, wow. So, I would look like that in
00:16:56
front of me. 100%. You and Yuki would be could see eye to eye, dude. I'm not kidding. You're almost the
00:17:02
exact same height cuz I went to I'm taller than you. Well, I saw him from behind. I almost hugged him thinking it was you.
00:17:07
Oh, this guy's the [ __ ] man, though. Did you say hi to him? Yeah, but I was nervous cuz like he's I
00:17:13
like It's so funny. I don't know enough about F1. All right, so I'm Yuki. What happened? Yeah, you are.
00:17:19
I have to. No, no, no, no, no. Give me the voice. It's not guttural. It's high pitched cuz he's Tomato. Tomato. I have to
00:17:25
That's good. All right. Tomorrow I have to do the F1 race around at Nashville raceourse.
00:17:31
It's in Vegas. Exactly. God, I hope he doesn't see this. Go ahead. You are gonna interrupt me cuz you're
00:17:37
meeting. I'm letting you fly, you know. Anyway, the carburetor in my engine is not good. Why? What's wrong with your Let's start
00:17:44
this the right way. Okay. I don't know the [ __ ] terminology. Hey Yuki, I'm a I'm a huge fan. I just want to say good luck this weekend. I
00:17:49
think you're going to I love you, too. Oh, yeah. I love Cocoon. Oh, the movie Cocoon. Yeah. Yeah. Apollo 13.
00:17:55
Love. Great director you. Oh, very good director. Rahawa. Why? Yes, I am writ your daughter Bryce. Dallas. Bryce Dallas. Yeah.
00:18:06
Yeah. Very good. Yeah. She from Dallas? No, she's not from Dallas. Oh, why Dallas?
00:18:12
Uh, it's uh where JFK got shot. Oh, and that's my favorite assassination. Me, too. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Very good one. Right. Because who did it? No one know. Right. But let me ask you something.
00:18:23
Right. Where was your daughter born? Where? Where? Yeah, she was born in LA. Why not? Bryce, LA, Howard, then?
00:18:30
Uh, I mean, Dallas is so arbitrary and you know what I mean? Like, what the around here? Well, it's one of my favorite cities in
00:18:36
the United States. Oh, why? Because of the JFK. JFK shooting. I tell you not why.
00:18:41
Huh? I tell you know why? I'm sorry. Yeah. Baby doll strip club there. Oh, baby dolls. Yeah. I love baby dolls. They were good. Very good. Very nice. Oh, good boy. Yeah. I like uh roast beef. I'd like to
00:18:54
leave the party now. What? Goodbye. No, stay with me. No, please. God, I want to talk about
00:18:59
Apollo team. But serious about it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. How hard was it to direct Kevin Beo
00:19:10
is pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tommo. Tomaho. Tomahawk. Yeah. Tomaho. Very good in when he do, you know. I don't know how to run. Oh,
00:19:22
Tom Hank. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that movie called? Forest Gum. Foresting Gum.
00:19:28
Yeah. Forward City. Very good. Very I don't know. You know, and you got the leg clamp.
00:19:33
Yeah. Ping pong. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Very good movie. You know what I mean? No. Very good. Yeah. You didn't direct
00:19:39
that. Did not do that. No. Who? I know who direct. Yeah. Mr. Zmech. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's how you say Zas. Yeah. Anyway, what are you working on
00:19:52
now? I am working on Shrek 5. We're redoing Oh, I love Shrek. Thank you. You're very good. Very good. You do the donkey. Do the impression of the of the donkey. You do first, I do second. I never seen
00:20:04
movie. Come on. Come on, Shrek. Oh, come on. You go Shrek. Pretty good. Very good, right? Yeah. We cast you. We have donkey in uh Japan. You do? Yeah. Am I Japanese?
00:20:16
You are. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mean donkey. You have a lot of donkey. Yeah. Yeah. And what do you do with them?
00:20:24
Ramen. You know ramen? I love ramen. Yeah. We go put donkey ramen. Oh yeah. You never had donkey ramen? No.
00:20:29
Oh, very good. Very good. Very good. Very good. After that, I did donkey ramen. I go around the track.
00:20:35
And you drive faster. Yeah. Yeah. The carburetor and the combustion. Very good. Very good. Yeah. Bye.
00:20:40
Bye. Okay. I got to tell you. Yeah. I felt like I was back in Mad TV. Like you were the most racist. You were that you were going for it. That's what you used to do in on Matt TV. Some of it. Yeah.
00:20:52
I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. That's when you just put your foot on the gas and let it rip. Yeah. Yeah. I think I took my people back about a hundred years.
00:20:59
Maybe two or three. Couple hundred. Yeah. I feel bad about it. Chef feel No. Worth it. I'm just doing an impression of what I
00:21:05
think the guy sounds like. Yeah. He does not. But yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, I'm I'm you. You're the guy.
00:21:10
I'm Yukush. You're me. All right. Go ahead. Well, can I I got to play you, right? Yeah. You be me.
00:21:17
I knew it. Let me let me do it then. Yeah, go ahead, man. Taylor, very good. Very good, Taylor.
00:21:25
Let me do it. Right, Travis. Huh? Wow. Oh, Yuki. Big fan. Thank you very much. Whoa. Whoa, man. Didn't know you didn't have an accent.
00:21:39
That's a little racist. I'm You was born in Dallas. Oh, you were? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right. Bye, Taylor.
00:21:49
Domino's. You know what I got? Do what? You know what I got? I'm a man of the people and I got the
00:21:55
people's pizza from Domino's inside of here. Pepperon Italiano sausage, green peppers,
00:22:02
mushrooms, and onions. The specialty pizza was named after our customers. They named it after you guys because it represents the most ordered five topping
00:22:08
build your own pizzas. And there they are in all of their fashion. My favorites are Italian sausage and green
00:22:15
peppers. And they put that on there. And you also get a bonus with a little bit of pepperoni and some onions and
00:22:20
mushrooms. So good. I have to say, tell me Domino's is stepping up their game. It's now high more highend.
00:22:26
It's highend. You know why? Cuz you can't say Domino's without saying. Exactly. You know what I got here, guy?
00:22:32
The one I only eat. That's the only one that you like. You eat the same one every time. Pizza.
00:22:39
Two Z's in that lovers feast. It's topped with pepperoni, ham, Italian, sausage, beef. All sandwich between how
00:22:44
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shopify.com/badfriends. Go to shopify.com/badfriends. Shopify.com/badfriends. I was watching Tik Tok today and um um I was really concerned about something.
00:25:16
What? You're not going to be able to see it because I have my algorithm's [ __ ] up. But um
00:25:21
I don't I don't there's not a better way to say I'm just going to say it. Elephant Ghost.
00:25:28
H. You're not going to be able to see it online. Is this a sequel to Karate Ghost?
00:25:34
The Karate Ghost? Yeah. Can I tell you something about Elegant Ghost? All right.
00:25:43
There is elephant in the room. All right. Every time you do so many puns inside of that thing.
00:25:50
Yeah. Every time you do that, you know what I mean? Let's address the elephant in the room. The only way I could ex it
00:25:57
you stepped right on a great joke. Do it again. No, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Can I explain? You're not going to be able to Google it.
00:26:03
Okay. What is it? I'm going to tell you. Okay. So, scientists have figured out that
00:26:09
elephants, you know, when they make their sound, how do you do it? Is that right? Right. Each that they do, right, is a lot of it's a name of
00:26:23
another elephant. Shut up. Shut up. Yes. So they can go and another go. It's like Randy. Oh, it's just for one guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Jonathan. Right. So what they did, they [ __ ] up
00:26:38
one day, the scientists, right? They recorded an elephant, right? And then they went to a herd just to
00:26:45
experiment, right? And they did the sound, right? But what they didn't realize is that elephant had died.
00:26:52
Oh my god. So all the other elephants were freaked the [ __ ] out. Like [ __ ] ghost. Right.
00:26:58
So they tricked elephants into thinking that ghosts are real, right? By accident. And then the daughter of that elephant for a month
00:27:05
was looking for her mom. Is this a documentary? No, I saw it on TikTok. This like the saddest [ __ ] I've ever heard of. I know. I tell you. It's It's It's ghost
00:27:13
elephants, man. That's insane. It's insane. It called out it called out the name and the elephant tried to find
00:27:18
it's the Yeah, the kid the kid of the elephant tried to find the mom like maybe she's alive.
00:27:23
I know. Isn't that sad? Like [ __ ] remember what you recorded is the lesson I think. God, that's so dark to think though.
00:27:29
That's how they're very intelligent. They're intelligent too. So they're like half of them were freaked out because imagine they know instinctually that
00:27:36
this elephant had died, right? Then they hear it, right? And they're like what is going on here? Yeah, that
00:27:42
would that that's you know that makes me think in some weird we're in a simulation way that the reason that we
00:27:48
have ghosts or the thought of ghosts is because something above us is playing with us. Whoa. What am I wrong? Am I wrong? Same
00:27:56
idea. Someone's [ __ ] with us. Someone is puppeteering us. You know what you want to know if you want to know how I know the world is simulation or it's organized through coordination? I went to the [ __ ] mall today to go get to
00:28:08
go get my uh cologne refilled. Whoa. Well, stop. What? What? I went to You went to La Labo at the mall. At Laabo? Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:19
Cuz what's a cologne again? Laabo? No. What's the clone that you get there? Oh, I'm not going to tell you.
00:28:24
No, cuz you keep trying to jack it. I know. Tell me what the clone is. It's a Well, first of all, it's a mix of two. And I'm not going to tell you.
00:28:30
You got to tell me the mix. I make them mix two of them. Not going to tell you. It's for me. She makes it for me. I know, but I like it.
00:28:37
You have so many. We do it together. You [ __ ] have so many sets. Why can't we do it together?
00:28:42
No, because that's the thing about you. That's the thing about you. You never want to do things together. [ __ ] you. When you had to First of all,
00:28:48
you banned Unbelievable. You banned me from wearing Santal cuz you were like, I wear it first. You can't wear it. Yeah, that's my scent.
00:28:54
What the [ __ ] are we talking about? That's my scent. That's not your scent. You combined two. Yeah, I made my own.
00:29:00
I know. But the thing is, you can't combine two. Yes, I can. That's everyone's scent if you combine two. No, it's No, but it is.
00:29:05
Yeah. Yeah. Give me the two, dude. I'm going to back right out of it. You're pooping the pooping [ __ ] dude.
00:29:12
You're trying to angle me to give it away. Let me just say something. I didn't know that you can combine Laaba.
00:29:17
Whites need it because we smell bad. You guys have your own natural scent. We need it. Whites. Pipe up. White.
00:29:23
Yeah, we smell bad. We smell bad. We need it. Their pits smell bad. Our whole body. I hate it. You don't need it.
00:29:29
Yeah, but I do. And I It's just out of curiosity. No one at home do this. That's white body. You're doing white body. Pito Bobby has like a scent that smells
00:29:39
like cow [ __ ] It's like the best thing in the world. What's it called? I don't know. Smells so bad.
00:29:46
Yeah. Wait, you bottled You said someone bottle that for you? No, I went to a farm.
00:29:51
Bend over cow. What is it called? I don't know what it's called. I'll bring it in next time. But it's um pull up cow [ __ ] cologne. It's for
00:29:58
cowboys. I mean, really though, what is this? You you you It just smells awful. It's It
00:30:04
doesn't smell like um cow [ __ ] It smells like like a dirty barn. It smells like cow [ __ ]
00:30:09
There's one a manure selling sme ru als go the go down the lane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What you're saying I'm I designed a cologne man
00:30:26
and it will smell like [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. Smell it. It's New Delhi. Smell it. Yeah. Okay. So, um, just Okay, we'll bleep it out. No, Bob.
00:30:41
You're so rude. It's the one thing it did. It's You're so rude. Is your scent Your scent is personal to
00:30:46
you. It's personal to you. Okay. Well, if you're going to be like that, I will hide things, too.
00:30:52
Like what? There's just certain things that I know about I would like to share with I don't even know anything specifically.
00:30:58
You hide all sorts of [ __ ] Most of the time, if I say, "Do you want to go get We're going to get something to eat after this. you want to come eat? And you go, "No, I'm going to go I'm going
00:31:04
to go uh do whatever." And then I'll find out that you're at a restaurant alone or with a group of other people. Don't I do that? We find out that you'll
00:31:10
go out with other people, sneak away, go to places without us because with the whites, it's different.
00:31:15
Oh, well then Oh, so it's a race thing. It really is. And I And you know what? I'm not ashamed of saying it, right? And
00:31:21
guess what, bud? I'm not ashamed of sharing my heritage with our audience. Okay? There are times when you're with other Koreans and Asians, some Chinese
00:31:33
and some others, right? But from our land, our continent. Okay. You're not included, by the way.
00:31:38
Don't try to shoehorn yourself. Yeah. Yeah. You're a drift in the ocean. Floater. We call you floaters. Stay out
00:31:44
there. Floaters. Yeah. So, there are times where and they're mostly people that are comics or in the
00:31:49
mostly comics that are Asian writers and stuff like that. And it's like they go, "Um, hey, let's go
00:31:55
somewhere after your set." And I see you and I'm like I just know that Andrew will not like this place because it's so
00:32:00
far from our house. Judgy judgy judgy. Yeah. So we'll go to like Sunundang. Don't you love Sunundang? Although you guys got diarrhea the other night.
00:32:07
Yeah, but I still love it. Yeah. Yeah, I love it too. I'll have it every time. But it's a late night place. It's great. You're not going to like it.
00:32:13
I'm not going to invite you. You've never been to Sunongan. But you see what he did? Where did we go with me? You and where was that at?
00:32:18
Where was that place? Um August Gulp Chong. Uh obviously Gop chang. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't eat. Why would I? What? Yes, I did.
00:32:24
Barely. We had just come from dinner. We literally had dinner. I know. But I watched You said, "Where are you?" I said, "I'm
00:32:30
I watched you. I watched you." And it's like, you know what I mean? I don't like that.
00:32:36
Don't do that fake [ __ ] You know, I love I love Korean barbecue. I love it. I'll go to [ __ ] uh chupongang. I'll
00:32:42
go to wherever the [ __ ] you want me to go. Okay, go to But you got to But here we'll go to No, I know I know what it
00:32:49
really is. Here's the real truth. You get together with with you know the yellow crew and you guys all huddle up
00:32:55
and you're like no white no white and you get in your Hyundai and you zip away and you don't call them rice rockets. Okay.
00:33:06
We drive away. Yeah. Yeah. And you and you guys you enjoy the night without the whites. That's what it is. It's a night.
00:33:12
Can we have a night without the whites? You have them all the time. No, I don't. Your house is You're surrounded by them.
00:33:17
Your house is filled with no whites. It's filled with non-whites. Yeah, we went to a restaurant um last night with
00:33:22
Louis Catz and he's like, "I made a reservation." You know what I mean? And I knew once he when Louis Catz says, "I
00:33:28
made a reservation." Jewish deli. It's it's a white place and we go in there. I can't tell you
00:33:33
what it is because And we sat there and you look around the room, it's all old white people, which is fine. I love I'm I'm a man of the people. Mhm. You know what I mean? How old whites are we talking like?
00:33:45
Anywhere from like 50 to 80. So I belong to age range, right? But not in terms of
00:33:50
a culinary tastes and flavors and I did not like it. But and everyone is enjoying it and and I and I I'm always aware of like the
00:34:01
demographics of a restaurant. You never you don't do that. You want young non I'll give you a prime example. I was um
00:34:08
I went to a breakfast spot which is my favorite one. The one we I mentioned last time, the griddle. Okay.
00:34:13
Yeah. And I was with my um this girl that I'm seeing, she's white and we're sitting there and she's very liberal and
00:34:19
she's very open and we're having pancakes and whatnot, right? And we both turn to each other and go, "This is
00:34:26
feels like America to me cuz you're allowed to share pancakes with someone." No, no, no. Just if you look at the
00:34:31
demigrats of the room, right? You know, you have this gigantic Samoan guy and you have the two, you know, I mean,
00:34:36
college white girls and you see like, you know, a black guy with a white family. I mean, just just you know what
00:34:42
I mean? Just like a black guy who kidnapped a white family. No, no, no, no. Like the movie Precious.
00:34:47
Not not movie Precious. What's the one about um with Thunder Bulock? Blind Side. Blind Side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very different film.
00:34:55
I mean at their core. Yeah. Yeah. At the Yeah. They're similar. I mean that football player did end up getting HIV in that
00:35:00
movie. Yeah. Before the HIV, right? Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, you know, you see the blind side stuff, you know what
00:35:05
I mean? And it's like, oh, this what? Just to call it that is insane. We should have a restaurant called The
00:35:11
Precious Blind Side. Yeah. How good would that place be? Yeah. But it feels like, oh, this is
00:35:17
kind of the America I want to live in, you know? Sure. A diverse America. Yeah. The middle of West Hollywood. Yeah. Very American.
00:35:22
Yeah. I I I understand that because of the location that I live and the state that I live in that it might not look
00:35:29
like where Mcome grew up, right? But I can dream, can I? You can. I used to love eating at at those gay
00:35:35
restaurants in West Hollywood and they're literally all gone. They're literally all gone. Yeah. Yeah, like basics and they're all gone. All those things are gone.
00:35:41
Like come and go. That's a That was a Come and Go was so good. Rump and Dump. Rump was so good. Their beef cakes.
00:35:48
They had beef cakes at Rump and Dump. Merrick is back. Merrick is back. Yeah. Look at that. Do you ever eat at Sachs?
00:35:55
Uh, I've never eaten at Sachs. Oh, no. Their cream of the clam chowder there. It's so good. I don't know what cream they use, but Oh my god. Yeah. Sax is so good at
00:36:06
Oh. Oh, what about that new place, Gargle? Is Gargle open? gargle. Oh, it's so good. I think they got a Michelin star.
00:36:11
Did they really? What's your favorite dish at gargle? Uh, like my prep. Okay. I mean, you're not going to like this.
00:36:16
Yeah. Just because I'm a a big meat guy. I'm a beef guy. I get it. But it's called the long dong Wong.
00:36:22
It's so good. It's Asian crusted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Red American meat. I love cream tubes.
00:36:28
Oh, I love a cream tube. I'll squirt those all over. Dude, you get a four cream tubes, dude.
00:36:33
I don't know what's in the middle. Why do I need to know? I don't need to know. So sweet. Yeah. Yeah. It's sweet. It's very sweet.
00:36:39
And it kind of tastes like um bleach. Yeah, it smells like a scent of bleach. But anyway, we
00:36:45
love cream. What's it called? What's your problem? What's your problem? Nothing. Have you guys tried abalone
00:36:52
or abalone with salt? Can we rewind for a second? We're doing bits. Just listen. We're doing bits about makebelieve gay restaurants,
00:37:04
right? And gay dishes. And then you throw in abalone. Oh yeah, it is. It's like an [ __ ] Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. Good. So, what you say is, "Have you been to
00:37:15
Abalone? It's a new lesbian restaurant." Yeah. Giving you the joke. It's very easy. There it is.
00:37:20
Yeah. Yeah. And that looks good. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be your server. I'm Marge. Welcome to Abaloney. I'm Barbara. This is my partner, Barbara. We got
00:37:31
married the first week. You want our clams? We we we we sell clams and dirty tacos.
00:37:40
The the place Welcome to Snatch. Yeah. Has nothing to do with the movie. Okay. What do you want to order here at Snatch? Yeah. You're pretty cute.
00:37:51
Yeah. I'm Barbara. I'm March. So aggressive. Yeah. You want some? Well, you know, get in or get out. Yeah. Uh,
00:38:03
I can peg you guys. Right on. Right on. Right on. After the meal, what do you want?
00:38:10
Uh, make up a dish. I can I have a white sausage? No, that you get that at Sachs. Do you think you're at Sachs?
00:38:22
You go to Gargle for that. Yeah, you go to Gargle has that. Um, yeah. You're at Snatch. What do you want here at SNAT? Can I have
00:38:33
uh clam chowder? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. How do you want to pay? Yeah. You can peg me and I can eat you out. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
00:38:45
Yeah. What's the What's the tip? No tip. That's right. That's right. Clams only. Come back to snatch anytime. I'm Barbara. Bring a friend. You gash.
00:38:56
What's your name again? Mark. You see that? Yeah. Anyway, I got to eat there. Yeah, I got to eat there. Got to eat that. Abalone. Abalone. Abalone. Oh, man. I saw that Eddie Murphy
00:39:07
documentary. I heard that. Just finished it last night. Heard it's good. It's okay. Not great.
00:39:13
It's a It's a It's It shows a a lot of his house. It's like a lot about his house.
00:39:18
Yeah. It's like a It's a very strange It flows very poorly. A roof that retracts.
00:39:24
It was a retractable roof that opens up to the outside. So, he had mentioned that he was kind of maybe thought about maybe doing comedy again. He talked
00:39:30
about it a little bit, but I don't know. I mean, he's the one of the greatest of all time. He can do whatever the [ __ ] he
00:39:35
wants. Um, I'm not saying that. What do you mean by I don't know. He He's lives an insulated life. Yeah, he does. Right. For him to do it, he'd have to go back
00:39:49
into the and dwell with us in our club and Oh, no chance. There's no way he'll do that. Well, no,
00:39:55
that's not true. I mean, I don't know if you like because Chappelle, you know, the other night Chappelle was at the store, you know. I mean, Louisie does. I mean,
00:40:01
all these, you know, guys that are, but they're still working the game, right? But what for don't you think that for him like Martin Lawrence does it
00:40:06
right at the store, right? He'd have to come down to the store or a place like that. Or do you think that he would do what
00:40:12
Jamie Fox does and just write it and just do it? Write it and go, right? He he would do an arena tour and just do
00:40:19
it live. Sandler does that. Yeah, but I still still see Sandler in the belly room.
00:40:25
But not not not like I know but still he still does it. Don't Don't you think that there needs to be a
00:40:31
degree of him doing that? Yeah. I don't know, man. I think he I just can't see it. You don't want him to come back?
00:40:37
I do. I would love to see it. Yeah. I I I'm a huge fan. I don't know if he wants to. It feels like when you watch this thing, did you
00:40:43
guys watch it? I did. It felt like he It felt like he I think he's going to be back in the
00:40:48
movies, not not doing standup. Yeah. It kind of felt like he had said cuz he had said, "I'm not a stand-up comic." He is, though. No, he says it in
00:40:54
the [ __ ] movie like three times. He goes, "I'm not a stand-up comic. I'm a comedian. I'm an actor. I'm a musician. I'm an artist and I just flow through
00:41:01
whatever art I deliver." He's a man of many occupations. Well, he was I mean, he has a [ __ ] Grammy for music and for a comedy album.
00:41:08
Is that true? Doesn't he have one for each? I mean, it's insane. It's insane. Yeah. Legend. The guy's the G. But also, what? Comedy
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00:45:00
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot you were here. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, I want to know though. Your dating life is going good. You're happy. You
00:45:07
feeling free now? I think so. What's going on? Oh, tell them about what happened the other night. We almost died.
00:45:13
You and the guy? No, me. Oh, what? What? What? We almost in the house. We almost died.
00:45:18
Elephant ghost. What happened? So, we're I'm potting and um all of a sudden I hear this beeping throughout the house. Not just downstairs, but upstairs, too. Like all four of the
00:45:32
monitors were beeping. Mhm. And then I stopped. I went up there. What the [ __ ] is going on? And the main
00:45:37
one that was blinking red. Yeah. It's like at the end at the end of the podcast, I went up there. I go, "Just yank it." And
00:45:43
as they yanked it, it said a little ominous thing. It was He goes, "You have carbon monoxide
00:45:49
poisoning." Yeah. Some ominous thing. It's a carbon monoxide detector. Yes. And you ripped it out. You need those. Keep those. No, we ripped it out. Get out. Yeah.
00:46:00
No. No. Put that. I'm not kidding. Put that back. No, we won't. But um Okay. And so, um, there was a thing,
00:46:07
what do we do here? And I opted to stay. Yeah. And everyone was saying, "We have
00:46:13
to evacuate." And Bob's like, "No, I'm going to play my game." Well, well, you don't have to stay. But
00:46:18
you rip the windows maybe. Yeah. You ripped it out because it it was making a noise. Yeah. But then that I guess the second
00:46:24
concern would be dying. That'd be my first. Oh, I see. I I switched them cuz the noise is telling you, "Hey, it's
00:46:31
not safe." Yeah. And you go turn that off. Yeah. Yeah. And I was getting mad at him cuz he was just laughing. And so she's like running around with a cage
00:46:37
trying to catch our cats. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm going to play um Outer Worlds, too. You
00:46:43
know what I mean? If I die, I die. And he wouldn't listen. I was like, you have to get out. Just go to your girlfriend or something.
00:46:49
I don't have a girlfriend. To your girl. Eat another worm. Back to Guzzles. And then he wouldn't go out. Yeah. You got to You genuinely
00:47:01
what? You got to get that taken care of because if you get you won't know if So then what'll happen? I reluctantly
00:47:07
you I mean I succumb to the actual reality of it. I called the cat gas company. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good thing. And they came over. Right. And guess what? What? No carbon monoxide. Well, that's a good thing. It's a good
00:47:20
My instinct was right. Right, Mone? Yep. Yeah. I'm a thinker, right? Cuz I can smell it a mile away.
00:47:25
You know what? I can smell all the [ __ ] on his nose. Little [ __ ] loser. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking good about you a couple days ago, too. That's out the window. Yeah. Yeah. See what See what you're
00:47:37
what happens. You go here. You drift away from this. So, you know, as as a friend of yours,
00:47:44
and I love you very much, right? Stay with this. Okay. But don't go against me. I will never
00:47:49
just don't you know. No, no, no. I don't want you. You're out. You're out at sea. And you see what happens? You see what happens when
00:47:56
you're a trader? See, what happens is the guy who took you, he doesn't really want you. And then you go, "Oh, can I
00:48:03
come back home, Denise? Can I come back? That little stint I had with with that college co-ed, Denise, I'm so sorry. I want to be home with you and the kids." And Denise is like, "We've moved on.
00:48:13
The doors are locked. Charles, get a hotel." Oh, no. And that's you right now. You're Charles.
00:48:19
Yeah. and Denise, me at the home with the kids, you know, I'm whipping up a cake because I don't want little Daniel
00:48:25
to find out why daddy's gone because he's with a college co-ed that he met at Barney's Beanery on Friday night.
00:48:31
Yeah. So, how about that? How about that? How do you feel now, Charles? Well, you let Rudy go off and come back.
00:48:37
Also, McCone said before that he prefers Tito Andrew. When did he say that? When we were hanging out. I do. I do prefer Tito. Like he said he doesn't really know to Bobby and he just
00:48:49
Yeah, but I don't want him anymore. So he's out. Wait, I want to get to this. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a window that's open. There's carbon monoxide in the room.
00:49:00
Okay. And now you close it. Yeah. Yeah. Keep it in here. So when were you guys hanging out? That's I think more I'm concerned about.
00:49:06
Um I think like two months ago. He said at the same time, shut up. Yeah. He said to you, um, I prefer Tito Andrew over Tito Bobby. Interesting. And
00:49:17
the reason why like you're just not like he just doesn't like you. You don't like me? No. I said you don't open up as much. Like I especially like even on the bus,
00:49:32
I try to be like ask you questions about comedy and like old stories and you'd be like, "Ah, no, no, no." And you'd go on
00:49:38
your on your switch or you'd be like, "I don't do small talk." Do I do small talk? You do not.
00:49:43
I do not. But that wasn't even That was big talk. No, that's small talk. I was like, you know what big talk is?
00:49:49
I'm losing my left leg. I go, what's going on? That's big talk. Yeah. Yeah, that's big talk.
00:49:54
When he refers to small talk and big talk, it's not about the depth or the breadth of the conversation. It's with
00:49:59
whom he's speaking with. And you Yeah. are small talk. Yeah. Okay. Would he have small talk with
00:50:06
like we you know when we were in Australia, right? Remember Dakota Fanning was there? Yes. And there was some small talk with her.
00:50:12
That's fine. I allow a small talk. Dakota gets small talk. Yeah. Oh, the weather is great. You did mention it like four times.
00:50:20
What do you mean? You She kept She said that at dinner. She goes, "Your buddy kept talking about the weather."
00:50:28
It Well, because I was starruck. Small talk with a big person. Yes. He's saying you're small talk with a
00:50:34
small person in his life, so he's not interested. Yeah. It can't be that. I think I just learned to to temper my expectations.
00:50:42
Well, you're also mean to me as well. Yeah. I mean, we have we have podcast proof of it. How am I supposed to feel? Here's a guy that's supposedly working for us, the company. I'm a big part of
00:50:54
it, right? And you talk to me like I'm garbage because I'm not as clever as you are.
00:51:00
So, I have to go the lowest form, which is being Yeah, I know. You're beeping back, dude.
00:51:05
You're beeping back. You're beeping back, dude. Don't do that. Yeah, we know better. Don't don't don't don't play koi. Don't play koi. Don't play Joel Koy, dude.
00:51:11
Don't play koi fish in a pond, pal. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Anyway, it's fine. It is what it is. But I will say this,
00:51:16
but I like what happened today, though. And the more of that I like. It's felt like when we watched Jaws on the bus.
00:51:21
I love that. See, we did have moments. I know. Yeah. Excuse me, Carlos. You're in my heart forever. Thanks, bro.
00:51:27
Okay, Fancy. You're in my heart forever. Yeah. Thank you. No thank you to the other guy. Yeah. Um,
00:51:33
I want to see your mom. Yeah. Let me get your mom in here. Don't do the Don't do the Hi.
00:51:40
Hi. Come sit down. We double. No. Honey. Honey. Just real quick. Honey. No. Just listen to me. I know.
00:51:46
But just real quick. Ra. All right. So, your other your daughter Issa did this. We love Issa. We love what you've spawned. Yeah. Hello. Oh my god. What a what a moment for the
00:52:01
show. Yeah. What a moment for the show. To see the beginning. The person who made the person You got to talk into the
00:52:06
mic. C. Can you bring it closer to your mouth? It's it m could have done it. Hey, you don't need to be.
00:52:12
Mone could have done it. See, Mone gets nervous and then he fumbles. And there's no reason. It's a
00:52:17
reason you didn't play sports because under pressure you're terrible. You are so bad under pressure.
00:52:23
It is crazy to watch him do that. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of the great Rudy Jewels, Honey, is
00:52:29
here. Yeah. By the way, what? The beginning and the end. No. No. Don't say it does say that. What do you say? This is your mom. Yeah.
00:52:40
Biological mom. My age. We're the same age. I don't know. How old are you? 42. Oh, you're very young. Yeah, I know your
00:52:47
age. He mentioned No, we're the same age. I'm 50. Wow. Yeah. She That looks good.
00:52:53
Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. That looks good for 50 to me. Oh, dude. To to him calls me monkey,
00:53:01
dude. But we're friends. No, no, no. What are you saying, Eric? Yeah, you did. When your dart When your eyes dart all over the place. I know it's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't But
00:53:13
nothing's wrong with that. I love Bobby. Yeah. Yeah. I Yeah. I don't call you that at all. Um, stop lying to the [ __ ] fans, Mr. Like
00:53:21
I share it all with the F. Go ahead, tell the truth. Go ahead and tell the truth. Well, that's not the worst I called her.
00:53:27
What's the worst? What? What's the worst? She bullies her every day. What do you call her? Like, what? How do I bully her? You just
00:53:33
start screaming at her and you just start. No. Like the other day the other day I I
00:53:39
got I because we have this um snack cabinet. Yeah. Like a a little room. Everybody has a snack. What do you call it? Uh not a snack cabinet. Snack drawer. Pantry. Pantry. A pantry.
00:53:51
What do you call the place where the food is? I'm thinking it's a separate thing. That's where all the food goes. Yeah. Yeah. In the food pantry.
00:53:57
Correct. Right. And I walked in there and I go, "Hm, you you you like these friends?
00:54:04
You collecting these friends?" And she's like, "What do you mean?" And I go, "And there was these ants."
00:54:10
Oh, you know what I mean? Just all up stacking. Anyway, um, so you're Are the ants gone?
00:54:17
They're gone. It's your fault. It's It's not mine. Why? Why? How is it my fault? It's because you keep buying things and you
00:54:23
open them and you don't finish them and you put them back in the pantry and the ants come in.
00:54:28
God, I want her around all the time. It's really not my fault. It's his fault. And he blames me for it and I
00:54:34
keep killing them. All of them. And it comes back the next day. So, I have no idea what to do. Okay. Now, we throw How about this?
00:54:41
Let's make a rule. Okay. Let's throw away all the unused food that are open packages. Yeah, but you only get a few of them in
00:54:47
a big pack. He gets very little and then he closes them back or doesn't even close them and puts them in the pantry
00:54:53
and ants come in and it's a waste of food. I'm Is it Cheeits? Yeah. Waste of food. I get every flavor. It's so easy to not have ants.
00:55:04
It's like I don't Do you not close up stuff when you're You know, it's just very much like you to do this. Well, I'm on her side. You keep blaming
00:55:10
her for some reason. All right. You're right. I apologize. She has nothing to do with it. That is my fault. Say I'm sorry genuinely.
00:55:16
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Bob. What are you saying? I'm sorry for Yeah. I just feel like when you're going to
00:55:22
get home, there's going to be a different conversation. No, no, no, no, no. She's honestly, um, it's a blessing to have these two in the
00:55:27
house. Got to be because, you know, it I want life in there. Yeah. You know, because there are times when
00:55:34
they're not there and I'm alone in the house and I get really depressed. Mhm. When I like sometimes I'll like, you
00:55:41
know, at 3 4 in the morning, I go, I need a cookie. Right. and I'll just go and then you
00:55:46
know I mean she's just she sleeps anywhere this girl on the ground she doesn't care you know what I mean
00:55:52
and I'll just be walking in the dark and then I'll just you know what I mean she'll say something right on that couch
00:55:58
when you sleep there. Yeah. Yeah. But um Yeah. I like the life in the house and we have the dogs and the cats. It feels
00:56:04
like there's life there. That's healthy. Yeah. But you're not alone, you know. Um, I s I I savor my sovereignty.
00:56:16
Is that an AA quote? What is that? No, it's not. No, it's not a No, it should be. Yeah. I um I think that's true freedom.
00:56:25
Savoring your sovereignty of my peace of mind. Good. Because um all I do is, you know, chase,
00:56:33
chase, chase. Dopamine hits. Dopamine hits. And um I have to just stay in the moment and just know that everything that I have in my life is perfect.
00:56:45
That's all. You believe that? No, but I want to believe it. You mean I've listened to a lot of Alan Watts and different things. I want to What? You can want anything. You have to take
00:56:56
action. The way he came the way he did that, there's a lot behind that. It was uh What's your body count, honey?
00:57:08
Cuz you wouldn't tell me earlier. Oh, you promise you just be just say it. Body count. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like sex. I know that.
00:57:20
I don't know, Bobby. I don't want You don't count. That was one. That was a two. He said 15. 15.
00:57:26
Mama said he has a she has a crush on you. No. You have a crush on me? No. I've never seen you. I would I
00:57:34
juice. You said that he's handsome. Do you have a crush on me? Talking the mic. She does. What's with the mic? So people can hear you. Does a show like mother like daughter?
00:57:45
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You have a crush on me. No. Yeah. She thinks you're really cute.
00:57:50
Honey, who's better looking? Um I love you, Bobby, but you're amazing. You're amazing. But then I was I Why does this bother you so much?
00:58:03
Is it because I might move in? No. I mean, I remember one time um you were on stage at one of our big shows.
00:58:10
Yeah. And I went in the audience to see you and this hot chick next to me, she goes, "Your friend is so hot."
00:58:16
That's a lie. This is a madeup story. I'm not I swear to God on my mother's life that happened.
00:58:21
Okay. And I looked at her, I went, "Yeah." And I just That's the You're a handsome
00:58:27
guy. And I'm You're a very handsome boy, too. I'm cute for a specific demographic.
00:58:34
Yeah, for good-looking women. Okay. Anyway, um you have a crush on Andrew. I love this.
00:58:40
Go ahead, Rudy. Tell us all about it. I just think you're very intelligent. So, Honey was um early on our life was a
00:58:47
meth addict. Cool. Yeah, I was. How many years did you do meth? Um just not even years.
00:58:54
How many years? A year? Like a year, but I heard it got bad. A year. But I heard it got bad. Is is meth. It's
00:59:00
called shaboo in the Philippines. Shaboo. Shaboo. Shaboo. Like sabu. A little convenient to name it after the city. Cheapest.
00:59:06
Yeah. It's the cheapest. What does it consist of chemically? I don't know. Oh. Do you snort it?
00:59:12
Uh, yeah. Not snort. Uh, you use I don't smoke it. Yeah. You No, I think you use
00:59:18
a pipe. You piped it. Smoke. Pipe it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How old were you when that happened? Uh, 20.
00:59:24
20. You know, and then you know what happened? Kala's dad, right? Shaved her head. We really need to kill Yeah. Yeah. Shaved her head and tied her to a radiator
00:59:35
and it worked. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. For like a month though, I heard. Yeah. It got bad.
00:59:40
It got bad. America needs to handle its drug problem like that. I know. Tie these guys to a [ __ ] radiator.
00:59:47
I know. That worked, right? And you never thought about drugs again? Never again. Yeah. She doesn't even drink.
00:59:53
I don't drink. I don't do anything. She doesn't do anything. What do you do to get loose? Yoga. Uh, yoga, exercise.
00:59:59
You love to exercise? Yeah. A lot. Wow. She doesn't even eat bread. The kind of stuff in my house is like
01:00:05
Yeah. I'm on a keto diet. Yeah. Yeah. God, that's crazy. No carbs. Yeah. No carb. Yeah.
01:00:10
That's crazy. It's crazy to live in your house cuz it's it's all full filled with [ __ ] to eat. Candies.
01:00:16
Candy and [ __ ] Yeah. All kinds of exotic candies. Yeah. And he orders things for me and I don't eat it. He gets mad.
01:00:21
I get mad. Like I'll go like I'll get a breakfast burrito from He just gets it like that and I'll go you got to eat it. But um
01:00:27
what they do is you know you'll go I'm gonna go to Jersey Mike's. Yeah. You get him the sandwich. Right. Right. And then all of a sudden they're
01:00:34
taking it apart taking the inards and putting it on different bread. Just get the uh sub in a tub. What's that? Sub in a tub. They do Jersey Mike. You get the sub without the bread. Sub in a
01:00:45
tub. Yeah. But you'll put it on keto bread. Oh, you want it on bread. Just not Yeah. Just not normal bread.
01:00:52
Ah, yeah. Stuff like that. What is keto bread? I'm not smart. I don't know what low carb, no carb, or they put they use
01:01:00
some other ingredients. It's a low carb bread alternative made with ingredients like almond flour, coconut flour, asylum husk, eggs, and
01:01:06
healthy fats instead of traditional wheat flour. Does it taste the same? Tastes good.
01:01:11
But does it break apart differently? It's good. They make it good here. Oh, they do. Oh, what? What? In the
01:01:17
Philippines? In the Philippines, you don't make anything good. Yeah. But do you eat a lot of bread in the Philippines? No. Uh yeah, there's a lot of
01:01:22
I have a bakery, but I don't eat the bread in the Philippines. Yeah, I feel in in traditional Filipino
01:01:28
food. Is there bread involved? Yes, a lot of bread. As in really good bread. Um they would know.
01:01:34
We should go to Sibu because she has a store there. I have a store in the Philippines who sells bread. What's it called?
01:01:39
It's uh Lola Fes Fes Bakery. You sound like you just made it up. No, it's not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Talking the mic. Lola Fes Bakery.
01:01:50
Lola. What street is it on? In the Philippines. It's in Marund Beach. Do you don't know?
01:01:57
The place. Wait, wait. Andre Andre, is you at Marongo Beach? Yeah. Lola. L O L. Yes. And space. Just put Sabun. Philippines.
01:02:09
Oh, no. You just put Honey's Bakery cuz we just changed the name. Honeys. H O N E Y. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Brandon Honey's apostrophe Z
01:02:20
bakery. See, that's the bread. That one. That one. Second. There. There. That's the one. Yes. That's my bakery. Wow. See, it's so funny. She's been living with my
01:02:33
house in three months. She hasn't baked me [ __ ] Not one thing have you baked me. I I'm not a baker. I'm the owner of the
01:02:41
bakery, not the baker. What's the baker's name? Uh, I have many baker's name. Well, name
01:02:46
it after one of them. Is that you behind the counter? No, that's my cashier. Oh, that's cashier. This is false marketing. Honey's not even there. And she's definitely not baking any of that [ __ ] And that's your store next to it, right?
01:02:58
That I've been in there. Yes, that's where we had the Tiger Belly. Yeah, we did a Tiger Bell there. And also, we ate um
01:03:04
Belute there. Belute. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Do you sell Belout at your store? No. Yeah. Yeah. The worst. That day was one of the worst
01:03:11
days of my life on this show. Do you sell cigarettes at that store next door? Yes. You we got to go to Have you been
01:03:16
to Sabu? It's beautiful. That that the name of the store looks like it's marbor. Lola store. Lola.
01:03:22
What's Lola Fay mean? Grand. It's a grand grand is the name. Yeah, that's great. Why? Why the big marorrow sign? Because we sell the cigarette.
01:03:33
Everybody smokes. Does everybody smoke in the Philippines? Yeah, almost everybody. Wow. You don't smoke?
01:03:38
I used to. Rudy, you don't smoke? Look at you. You look in there, you can get all kinds of stuff. Yes. Chicken, rice, everything. Name it,
01:03:46
you have it. What's the weirdest thing you have there? Um, like sulfate. Yeah, bro.
01:03:52
Why sulfate? Smells birth control, too. And yeah, birth condoms, birth controls. Is the birth control also in those rice
01:03:58
pins on the floor? Yeah, it's just a stack of them. Do you have like a plan B? What plan B? Uh, no, that's not
01:04:05
That's We don't have it there. Oh, is abortion illegal in in the Philippines? It's not. It's illegal.
01:04:10
It is? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. They plan. That's why you have so many kids. Yeah. That's why we have a lot of kids.
01:04:16
Yeah. Yeah. How many times do you see the man who slices his brother in half with a machete? Oh,
01:04:23
yeah. Do you see him often? Often. Yeah. Yeah. There's a man that sliced his brother in half and he wrote walks the street.
01:04:28
He's my uncle. Oh, I met him many times. Yeah. Sliced him in half. Yeah. Wow. That was scary.
01:04:33
And now he's just walking around. You know, my family's evil. Yeah. But I remember so when we when I first went
01:04:39
I knew about this uncle and he was at the airport. You were hugging him. I I immediately cuz I don't want to get
01:04:45
sliced. Yeah. The the machete man. When you know somebody has sliced somebody with a machete, right? You hug
01:04:51
them immediately. Uncle Machete. Yeah. And I think I said something like, "Hey, what you know I'm a scoundrel."
01:04:58
Yeah, you are. I'm a survivor. And I'm like, "Hey, whatever your family needs, you need
01:05:03
anything you need. anything you need. Do you want me to sharpen your machete? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can buy you a brand new machete.
01:05:09
I can buy you as many as you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How many? Yeah. So, um any guy that cuts someone in half, you
01:05:14
really stay on their side. You say just to them walk I've never seen anyone walk around in society who
01:05:20
sliced somebody in half with a mistake. And he didn't serve any time at all. He did. How long? 15
01:05:25
15 years. Yes. He got parrolled. I was going to say he got parrolled. Yeah. So, in the Philippines, you can kill
01:05:31
somebody and then got parled. You can get parole. We do that all the time here in the States. Oh, that's true. People get out for murder all the time
01:05:37
here. In fact, a lot of people here kill people and they don't even [ __ ] get they don't nothing happens. Yeah. It's That's the craziest part. Then you
01:05:43
hear of a case where someone will do something like stupid and small and they'll get nine years and you're like, "What? That's the same as the guy who killed somebody."
01:05:49
Yeah. Um last Can I have another May I ask some more questions? Please. Yeah. Yeah. Um I can go now. No, no, no.
01:05:56
Not if you said I was cute. You're staying. Yeah. Yeah. Um talk more on the mic and that's You know that's The mic is here.
01:06:01
I know. And you move over like this. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing fine. How do you feel? How cuz in Sibu,
01:06:07
beautiful island. I've been there a couple times. I might go back in a couple of months with the family.
01:06:12
Yeah. Um how do you feel about the Koreans there? Um we hate the Koreans there. We hate
01:06:18
the Koreans there, but we hate them. They're fine. Why? Why? They they help the economy, so they're
01:06:24
fine. The Koreans there are so cocky the land. Yeah, but they're mean. They're owning all the buildings, all
01:06:30
the hotels. I'll tell you what, they're mean here, too. It's not just over there. Yeah. Philippines.
01:06:36
Yeah. But I see their behavior there. They look it down on me. Why? Cuz you're an American Korean.
01:06:41
I think so. They don't respect you. They don't respect [ __ ] from me. Wow. You know what I mean? I come with my bling. What's up, dog? You mean you
01:06:47
know how I do it, dude? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're always blinking with my sway. You know what I mean? Yeah. Your sway, your swag,
01:06:53
whatever. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, dude? So, what you guys get there? How is it a large contingency of Koreans? There's a
01:07:00
lot down there. Large. And the pale ones. The pale ones. And they hate us there cuz we're just brown. But it's your land. Well, they actually Yeah. They have money, so
01:07:11
they can put up a lot of businesses, so that's They can hate us and we can't do anything about it.
01:07:16
This is very dark. Why? I don't like that. I don't like it either. That's so [ __ ] up. It's [ __ ] up.
01:07:22
Well, they're richer than we are, so Yeah, but that doesn't make it right. Imperialism finance. Yeah. Bye.
01:07:28
Bye. That's not good. Maybe a form of colonization. Mhm. Is it? No, it's not. What's going to Filipinos think that they are superior cuz you know they have paler skin and we
01:07:40
always praise them. They're more money and we just think that they're like so beautiful. Yeah. The white skin.
01:07:46
You don't feel that way? No, I hate them. They're good. Wow. Good for you. I love that. Yeah. Do you hate Korean Americans or
01:07:52
just Koreans over there? Just Koreans over there. But Korean-Americans, how about them? I'm okay with them. Most of them.
01:07:57
Most of them. What about Koreans in Korea? Should I start charging rent? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:08:08
I'm not saying should I start charging things? I'm saying Koreans in the Philippines. I gave you a birthday present today.
01:08:13
Right. Would the Cebu Koreans do that? No. No. Okay. Watch your mouth. So funny. Yeah. You're not even Korean. Yeah. You're not even Korean. You're San What do you mean by that?
01:08:25
She's right. You're not Korean. And you're what am I? Look into those eyes. You're an American. If you can
01:08:30
You're an American. I'm an American. You're an American. God bless. You're about You're about as American as it gets. You're born in San
01:08:36
Diego. You did live the like the white American life. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. And that's why you don't want me to go out with you and the other Koreans cuz you're embarrassed about the lack of
01:08:47
your own culture. This is really what fancy. I love it. That's what this is. Yeah. Because you don't go to church like all those Koreans did when you were when you know like you don't you're not
01:08:59
a church Korean. You're not one of them. Yep. Oh wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Dad own businesses.
01:09:05
Yeah. What's the one thing the Philippines has that we don't that you just can't get here that you miss more than anything in
01:09:11
the world? Uh the Filipino delicacies like the bud. It's a rice cake. Wrap it in. Let me What What is the repeating of
01:09:21
things that you guys They want to make sure that you heard Ub carb car. Correct. Yes. Bang bang. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. Correct. Correct. Correct. Correct.
01:09:33
Yeah. Let's say a couple of just uh you knowb is is this something tok? Yeah. See they just say it. Yeah.
01:09:47
Yeah. But yeah, yeah, yeah, that's elementary. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Talk talk. It's talk. It's like
01:09:53
All right. That's where they got it from. How about ping ping? You can say that. But is there is there anything that's
01:09:59
that? But there's no such thing as What about uh bti? What? Bi nothing. No. No. Bti okra. Yeah. Okra. Okra. Okra. The vegetable.
01:10:11
Yeah. Oh, now you're just naming things that are Yeah. Potato. Yeah. Broccoli. Broccoli. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's interesting. Well, how do you say mango? What's
01:10:22
manga? Manga. Manga. Manga. Manga. Manga. And what do you call the [ __ ] cartoon uh the um illustrations?
01:10:28
Huh? What? Anime. They call them mangas, right? Mang. Mangas. Yeah. So, there's a difference between manga
01:10:33
and manga. Manga. Oh, no. But it's manga, right? The mango is just manga. There's no s. And then and the other thing is what? Mangas. Mangas. Mangas. Mang. Yeah.
01:10:46
Have you ever seen that on TikTok? Sometimes the guy will say, "How do you say frog in Japanese?" And how do you say that? And it'll all
01:10:52
be the exact same word like five time. Have you ever I don't know how to explain this video,
01:10:58
but he'll say it to Oh, there it's a second video. Second one down. Second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This guy watch this. Is
01:11:04
fascinating. What's rain in Japanese? A. How about candy? A Okay. Oh, I have another one. What's frog
01:11:20
and to change? Okay, stop. Push. Pause. AJ, are you going to frog? Kaid. No, it's like change. What? Wait, is that what you're saying? Like frog and change is the same word.
01:11:38
Yeah, but the longer version of this is I don't like those pants. You should frog it. That's actually kind of cool.
01:11:44
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Frog frog those pants. Yeah. Frog those pants. Right now he says he there's one compilation where
01:11:49
he's like kaid. The longest one is like nine times of him saying the same word with like little tiny inflection and it's saying they say they're hard workers but
01:12:01
they're kind of lazy. They're kind of lazy. They got lazy with their language a little bit.
01:12:06
It's insane. It's crazy. Is that it? It might be. This is 6.1. How do you say shoulder in Japanese? Kata. How about stiff?
01:12:15
How about I bought a shoulder massager? This I bought a shoulder massager because my shoulder was stiff, but it was hard to use on my shoulders.
01:12:32
I mean, isn't this basically the thesis of this show? Yes. That's like this show.
01:12:38
Yeah. Yeah, you guys both need translate that in in English. Shoulder shoulder shoulder shoulder my neck shoulder. He's actually saying, "I bought a shoulder massage, but it was hard to massage my shoulders."
01:12:52
Oh, wow. That's incredible. Wow. Well, we're going to get you some bad and tuck. We're gonna get you all that good [ __ ] Adobang. What's What's sinigang?
01:13:06
Sinigang. It's a soup. Sour soup. Oh, I like sour soup. Yeah. So good. There's a bread that's called burikat. And borat. It's It's red. English definition is um a [ __ ]
01:13:19
What's the grossest thing you could eat at the in the Philippines? Belalute is by far. Thank you. I keep
01:13:24
saying that. I don't like ballut. You love it. Mhm. It's the That's the grossest thing you can eat there.
01:13:31
I don't I I mean it's a it's like a it's like a half alive bird. Yeah. It's not alive. It's fermented.
01:13:38
I know. But it's like half birth. You would try it though. Oh, you tried it? We did. I threw up. I threw up. I
01:13:44
couldn't. It's a fertilized duck egg. But you can see the duck. Yeah. The brains, all that stuff.
01:13:50
Yeah. Balute and kinalas. A noodle soup that features brainstorm from a pork or beef head served in a thick The pig's blood, I guess, is also
01:13:56
No, pigs. Pig's blood is good. I I eat it. Why did even Buloo come about like let's
01:14:02
we should cook the egg now. No, we'll wait seven months. Yeah. You know what I mean? Is it a What was that? I Well, I don't know. Something was But
01:14:13
it's a delicacy, is it? Not number of days. It's a number of days. If you keep it for What's What's abbuso?
01:14:19
Abuso. Abu. Abul. Abul. Sauteed weaver ants. I've never tried. I've never seen that sounds really good. What's What's pine pinging? Wait.
01:14:31
Pine pen. Beating a live chicken. Pink pan. It's a dish made by beating a live chicken. Oh my god, dude. You tell me about that. Tell me about pinn.
01:14:44
You have to know about it. You're from there. What is a pine pentagon, man? That's insane, dude.
01:14:49
All right. Do you have any words of wisdom, honey, to leave us with before we go? Do you guys eat dog there? Uh, they some people do, but I don't.
01:14:55
Our uncles. Okay. They they did eat it. Yeah, I saw. Okay. What kind? What kind? Any kind of dog? It's like It was like a stray dog and they just got it and they
01:15:07
started like peeling off his skin and Okay. All right. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.
01:15:12
Is that it? That's such a good end. Yeah. Started peeling his You guys have to do it. Will you Will you look in the camera at the same time and say thank you for
01:15:18
being a bad friend? 1 2 3. Thank you for being a bad friend. God, they sound the exact same, too.
01:15:27
Yeah. Woo. Woo.