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How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela | E57

November 23, 202001:45:58

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honesty really really matters and i think much of the reason why i started this podcast was to give

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the world the much needed honesty it needs but often doesn't get you hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified

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but that's rarely rarely the case this week's guest will give you exactly that raw

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unfiltered honesty like you've never heard it before and in some points honestly that might make you

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a little bit uncomfortable it made her uncomfortable it made me uncomfortable this week i'm joined by

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chrissy chella she's an unbelievable and in my opinion heavily underrated entrepreneur running

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multiple multi-million pound businesses she's one of the uk's number one fitness creators

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athletes whatever you want to call her she's an author her book is coming out in january

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she has a remarkable story one that starts from very very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was

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bullied on the playground in the uk and what you'll find out about her is inspiring it's captivating

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it's real one of the most amazing conversations i've ever had on this podcast and i'm so glad that we can bring you

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her story in this way told with total honesty without further ado i'm stephen bartlett

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and this is the dire rover ceo i hope nobody is listening but if you are then please keep this to yourself

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as i did a little bit of research on you and i got to sort of uncover your story and i got to

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stalk you a little bit on social media um the more and more that i observed and sort of looked

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past your instagram feed the more i saw a pretty remarkable

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entrepreneur and business person and one of the thoughts that came to my mind and you know this podcast is all about

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speaking the truth and being honest was this question which is do you think that you get the credit you

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deserve as an entrepreneur that's the question

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um it's not about me i haven't built a community about me i've built a

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community about helping other women and i think that

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it's never fully been about me and the credit that i get is seeing other

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women thrive and succeed and come together and that for me is enough credit i don't

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need an award i don't need someone to say oh my god you're the best business woman in the world for me when i see or when i read another

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woman's story that for me is enough i don't need anything else

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so yeah i do so because i was when i i was watching some of your stories on instagram and you you run an office right

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of people you run multiple businesses right and i typically think that people

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are very very quick to arrive at judgement when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on

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instagram who has a big following and they t and this is just being completely honest they tend to come to judgments very quickly a conclusion a

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conclusion yeah and that that conclusion and that narrative or that image that they form of that person i've come to learn is usually severely

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wrong 100 it is and you know it's funny you say that because i've also been on multiple dates with people

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and you know they see my instagram following and they automatically assume that oh it's because you get your ass

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out that's that's that's why you make money or it's because you get your ass out that's why you've built what you've built

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and the truth is if i did that and if that was the fundamental reason then i wouldn't have

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a team of 30 people in one company and building another company that sells out every time we

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restock it goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture it goes past being a nice body it's

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about the message that you have it's about what you want to truly truly put out in the world and i

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think if people make that conclusion it says more about them than it does to me does it make you feel though

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and i want you to be really honest here how does it make you feel i think okay like i'm gonna be complete honestly

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i think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman

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okay so why is it that when you see a handsome man you don't come to a conclusion that he

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only got what he got because he's handsome why is that as a woman i have to justify myself more

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i have to explain myself more all the time it's draining i shouldn't have to

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explain myself my face my body all of this stuff it's just external you know and

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i think that can i swear on this question

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i smell my youtube all the time some people get offended and i'm like listen this is this is who i am something else yeah no it pisses me off

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it pisses me off but at the same time it's like it feeds me right you know it feeds me like piss me

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off even more because that's how i thrive you you saying to me i can't do something you saying to me that i only

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got there because of this and that it pushes me more to achieve more

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and yeah i mean it's their problem not mine i guess there's a lot of you know let's just for

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a second imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever or you're

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you know you have a great physique or whatever it was um what would they be missing what is

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the truth why why did you get here because there are lots of very pretty people out there right

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yeah um but for some reason you made it here and i've seen your businesses i've looked

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into them you have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big

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offices so like there's two kind of thoughts to this but i think the central question that i'm trying to answer for myself is what is it about

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chrissy that differentiated you your approach your message and the way that you

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connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing

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i think in all honesty if i'm if i'm answering that question from a personal perspective

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i've always been 100 honest and transparent with who i am you're not gonna find a hidden secret or

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some nasty surprise like this is who i am you literally either take it

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or you leave it and i'm not going to try and be anything else

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to fit in for anybody else you know and for me when i started my fitness

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journey when i you know moved countries to england i never felt like i had a sense of home

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i never felt like anybody understood me so to be blessed with a platform where i

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can build a community and bring women together globally you know this is this goes beyond

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me this is about bringing women together that have been abused that have had you know

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mental disorders eating disorders such bad things you couldn't even imagine what

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women have gone through and have told me to bring them all together and to create this

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tribe you know that for me is like i think that's what people see

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yeah and i think that's what people believe i want to do because i genuinely do want to do that

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and you know one of the things that sorry to interrupt there but i really wanted to one of the things you said was about you

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being yourself and i asked you that question actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the

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answer would be and when i watch you on instagram the feel that i get from you versus

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pretty much everybody else other than one other person i've got to be honest and he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back is joe wicks like when i met joix

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he is the guy you meet off off off air or whatever is the same guy and

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he's so [ __ ] genuine and all he cares about is like genuinely helping people but the reason i said to

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joe i said i think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself and

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you will share it all and when i was watching you on instagram and watching some of your videos you cater to the 99 of people's lives

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which is the real [ __ ] yeah i saw your video this week you did on your story you're waking up and you're saying

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listen i don't want to wake up today and most people don't admit that because you know a lack of perfection is sometimes

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perceived as weakness so i wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from chrissy

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being her truer self yeah you're you can only be the best version of yourself right

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and i think if you start trying to be something else soon enough it will come out or you'll start to fall through the

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cracks or it will slip something will slip and you can only uphold that image and

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you know that presence for so long before it really just [ __ ] up so the only thing you can do is be the

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best version of yourself and this is what i tell people all the time it's never been about other

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people's perceptions of you it's always been what you think about yourself and if you

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truly truly believe in yourself you won't want to be anybody else you

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want to you won't want to be fake you wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone my job isn't

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to please everyone were you always at that point no tell me about that oh my god no i mean

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i remember when i was in a relationship i was 16 years old i was like i'm gonna marry this person i'm so in love like this is it uh and then he cheated

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on me and i was like oh [ __ ] this is not it it's his name no he does not deserve the air time i'll

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tell you that much but i was heartbroken and i was trying so hard to please this

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person you know i was trying so hard even in school i know it sounds petty but i was trying so hard to fit in

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all the time all the time i remember like this is so this is not

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cute on my end i'ma be honest with you i remember being at school and i'm foreign okay like

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i'm mediterranean we're hairy okay and i had a no i had a moustache and the

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girls used to rip me for it and i was so sad i was like oh my god why am i not like

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these pretty english girls like i don't understand like i used to feel so shitty about myself

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constantly trying to like fit in and then when i got cheated on i was like oh my god it must be because i'm not pretty enough

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it must be because i'm not sexy enough [ __ ] that that's draining what do you

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mean i constantly have to be something else for someone else i'm never gonna be happy and i i wasn't

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happy for such a long time so yeah i just i just fully like expose

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my moustache story there so let's take us from mustache to self-confidence

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um what was that journey and what changed your uh your your self-esteem and your self-confidence what helped you

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get that confidence in yourself i think for me it was can we just i think that

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should be the podcast title master no no seriously even sarah doesn't know that

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i used to have him no guys i'm gonna be honest with you okay like i don't give a [ __ ] i had a

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moustache growing up okay and all the girls used to rip me the [ __ ] up they used to be like uh

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your man your boy like honestly [ __ ] [ __ ] man and i ate my school

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dinner for six months in a toilet because i didn't have any friends do you think that experience is part of

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the reason you are who you are today 100 like honestly it's pretty impossible to to break me

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and when you've broken me understand that you've really like broken me down because it takes a

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lot now was that we talk about the mustaf mustache thing is if it was this trivial thing but i'm guessing what

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you're saying is you were bullied in school yeah but at the same time it's not like i was constantly bullied like i think

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i don't know a lot of us go through awkward stages in school trying to make friends trying to be with a cool gang trying to do this try and do that then

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you almost become like mean as well because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only yeah so

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i think you know like i remember walking into sixth form one time and a

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lot of personal things happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point

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and i just hated everyone around me and i was full of anger constant anger

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and hate you know and i didn't want to be that person anymore especially after being cheated on i didn't want to be that

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person anymore and i remember being on the train one day because i used to work in potter's bar

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at the time um in this little men's boutique like retail shop and i was coming back home

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and i remember like the penny dropped and i was like i can try so hard to be sexy and cool

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and all this stuff other people but i'm not doing anything for myself and that's where the quote do this for

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you comes from because i signed up to the gym that day

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and then i'll walk straight back out and then go back for two months i'm not gonna lie to you i was signed up and like i'm

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gonna do this i'm gonna do this i know what to do signed up didn't come back for two months i was actually actually hanging

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back i don't know what to do why didn't you go because i was scared i was like who i was like who do you

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who do you think you are crazy trying to be like a fitness girl you don't know what you're doing you know

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this was like six years ago you don't know what you're doing go back home relax right relax chill go

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to work study relax at some point you must have changed your mind yeah i did i did and evidently i did and

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i was like uh okay now i need to do this like what am i doing i'm so lethargic i'm tired all the time i'm

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not strong i was never like um overweight or underweight i was just tired all the time and drained

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especially mentally so when i got into the gym i remember looking at the leg press machine and i

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was like what is this transformer i don't know what the [ __ ] to do with this machine

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and everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do and then there was like

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men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights i didn't care about the cardio machine i

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was so intrigued by the weights i was like what why do men go there what is that about

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men that go there and women go there i want to go there and i didn't know how to use weights i

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didn't know what i was doing i was training i didn't have anything like no one was on instagram at the time

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no one was teaching the way social media has literally opened up a book full of information

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and free content and we didn't have that at the time i started you know i didn't

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know what i was doing it's how did you i learned you learned i just learned i

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just was like you know what i'm just going to do this and i kind of i kind of got addicted to

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the feeling of how completing a workout made me feel

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and i started going again and again and i started learning because what was it doing for you going

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it was giving me my therapy therapy from what from life from

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my reality from the fact that i was so depressed or with who i was and

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so angry at the world and everything the world had done to me

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and the only time i felt like i could escape was at the gym which is so crazy

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because the gym is like a chore for people i've got a [ __ ] train today but i went there and i escaped

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it was therapy and no one could take that feeling away from me

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not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me not a mean girl at school not a horrible boss no one

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isn't it funny that so much of you know when you speak to people that have achieved great things

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it all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure and or

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inadequate in some way i see the same in myself the reason why i am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because

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the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that i lived in and having all the windows on my house

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smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and but living in all of these around all of these white people zero black people at

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my school other than my brother and my other brother that feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15 16 years

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and so my obsession as i wrote in my diary 18 was i'm gonna have uh a million pounds

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before i'm 25. i'm gonna have a range river is going to be my first car right couldn't even drive yeah it's so funny i did the same

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right i swear and it's so funny you say it was the only black man in your school because i was the only foreign guy on

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mine i was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair i was like i i started relaxing it when i was 12 so

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it'd be straight and it and and i look back and i think if i hadn't have gone through that in the way that i had you wouldn't be where

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you were not a [ __ ] shadow of a doubt and and it's like that pressure releases at some point

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in different ways i could have ended up in prison right my my friend said my best friend said to me at 18 he said

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steve and i remember where i stood when he said he said you're either going to be a millionaire or you're going to be in prison and i hit me like a ton of bricks

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because he was telling the truth i cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was going to

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channel itself into something so tell me about your diary what did you write your day oh god i remember so funny right

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i remember i wrote down and i will never ever forget i wrote down i'm going to be someone one

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day i wrote i wrote that down and then i remember you went you have blackberries yeah all right

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back in the day and i used the right of my blackberry and i just believed it

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and anyway when i went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way um i fell in love with someone

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at the gym like i was going he's now my ex-fiance by the way everyone we're no longer together but he

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is a very important person in this story because when i met him i was at rock

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bottom but i was also trying to find my feet and i was becoming more confident in

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myself and that confidence confidence did grow and attract the person that i was

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supposed to be with at the time right because i do believe your your vibe and energy attract the people that you have

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around you right and i remember he was driving me to work one day because i was waitressing

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and i looked at him and i said i don't know why i started instagram at this point had like 50 000 followers i started

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instagram in all honesty i started it just to see how i looked doing exercises

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and hollywood recorded me and i was like oh my god i'm gonna break my back i don't know what i'm doing i need to fix

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my form but somehow people started loving it and anyway

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he was driving me to work and i go jack i don't know why but i feel like we're gonna achieve something

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by helping women and generally said to me he goes yeah whatever man you get to work i'll come

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pick you up i was like no i feel it and i started crying

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crying streams of tears he's like what's wrong with you i was like no i believe

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it i don't know what it is this is feeling i can't explain never had that feeling before and

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here we are today what do you think that feeling was belief where did that belief come from

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me i just believed in me so much that no one not even

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you know the person i was with could sway me another way and i do think a lot of that comes from

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persevering in the gym and growing that discipline and growing evidence right yeah that you

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could right yeah because when you're when you start doing something good for yourself training was good for

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me right you start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies

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and they transfer in other aspects of your life it's like a domino effect so

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i started becoming more disciplined at university i didn't need 10 cans of red bull to stay awake i was

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focused um i would excel all the time and it wasn't because i put in extra

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hours it was because i was so hyper focused where i was with who i was i was present

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and if it wasn't for the gym i wouldn't be able to have done that so your ex fiance yeah jack

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do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or

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started to build a confidence within yourself that the gym had given you do you think you would have been ready quote-unquote to have that relationship

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with him at that time if you were the old chrissy no um and if i did if i was with someone

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at the time i wasn't so confident it would have been the wrong person because you attract the energy that you

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have you attract what you believe in yourself if you're constantly negative about yourself if you're constantly just

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trying to make yourself believe you're you're just not worthy you're always going to attract that

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and don't get me wrong there was like dates in between jack obviously

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when i wasn't with him by the way i mean no i mean like after the guy that cheated on me i had like went through

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i went for a phase i went through dayton and it's always the wrong guy i was the wrong guy and then it was i realized it's because

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i'm trying to find happiness in other people constantly trying to find happiness of people and then when i started focusing

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on myself he came along

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you know a lot of women when they're in the situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth or they're

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feeling like something is missing will and this isn't just women this is men as well yeah right

00:22:19

they'll think that the answer is a romantic solution yeah right is it no it's not um

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i've been there i've done that and obviously i'm speaking from personal experience you could find someone that really helps you you know you could

00:22:33

genuinely find someone who inspires you motivates you pushes you

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and that's so remarkable and if you do find that person don't let them go you know but unfortunately if you have

00:22:46

so much self-hatred you are never going to be satisfied in the relationship that you

00:22:51

are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness you're constantly waiting for that

00:22:58

person to do something for you stable right it's unstable it is a lot of dependency

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and um i think that the most rel most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself

00:23:11

because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here right that's you and you that's you and

00:23:19

you so you've got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a a person to share your life with you

00:23:25

know and you know so you end up you know

00:23:31

jack ends up proposing yeah you you build a business together which is a topic in and of itself which you're

00:23:37

you're still working together with him on now yeah and then at some point you both decide

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in a very you know i've listened to your story so you decide in a very amicable mature way that this situation

00:23:49

isn't making both of you right happy yeah and there was a sentence you said where you said um

00:23:54

you and jack grew apart which i found quite curious and i find it curious because on this podcast we've we've been

00:24:01

talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason and this idea in fact the last guest we had on dr arya

00:24:07

who was you know who people have been really really blown away about um he he was cheated on by his partners you

00:24:12

know and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man yeah i listened to that okay and so on

00:24:18

that sentence about growing apart this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy if it's

00:24:24

possible for you to meet someone and grow apart you know especially you know because everybody's growing in some way

00:24:31

um what are your thoughts on monogamy having been almost to the altar with someone what are your

00:24:37

thoughts on monogamy and i can i be honest i mean

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please you never have to ask permission again to be honest i've never said this ever and i'm a

00:24:48

little bit nervous to say this but i when i was with jack

00:24:53

i thought that that was my person and i genuinely felt it in my heart and

00:24:59

my soul i never questioned it once right and we grew apart and that's because

00:25:06

a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes last year when i launched toner sculpt with jack we had a lawsuit against

00:25:12

us you know no one really knew about that you know 50 grand in lawsuits trying to

00:25:18

get our app that we we built just to be ours and then build it from the ground up that's why we had

00:25:24

to refurbish and relaunch the programs because everything is now built home grown in our offices with our

00:25:32

technology right and do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship i can't imagine and you're going home

00:25:39

and you're like what do you mean you don't do this what do you mean you didn't do that hating each other resenting each other

00:25:44

because you think they're to blame he thinks you're to blame i think he's to blame right and it's going to take a

00:25:53

very very special person to fit into the shoes that jack left

00:25:59

you know he is such an incredible man in every aspect works hard is caring is

00:26:07

loving as ambitious is everything a woman would want in a man unfortunately we grew apart

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and it is unfortunate because i genuinely loved him and still do love him

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unconditionally i'd give him my kidney if he needed it and it would take someone very very special

00:26:28

and confident to fill that space up and i'm not gonna hold my breath

00:26:35

does that make sense i'm not gonna hold my breath i'm gonna you know let's just see where it goes

00:26:42

you think it's possible um i think it's possible i think anything's possible

00:26:48

i just think that it's gonna take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone

00:26:53

that understands that i don't need anything else but effort

00:26:59

and time from them i don't need your money i don't need your gifts i don't need so you're saying

00:27:06

you think that jack's shoes will be difficult to fill and it's almost like you're setting his shoes

00:27:12

as the standard of what you're looking for in the future so it kind of begs the question well you've got two feet that fit those

00:27:17

shoes perfectly jacks so why isn't he filling those shoes

00:27:25

i think if anyone turns around and says to you that i work with my partner and we run a

00:27:31

company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and you know an

00:27:37

ever growing company and we're so in love i i really literally will look at them

00:27:43

and be like how did you make that happen working and being romantically involved

00:27:49

with someone is difficult because let me tell you something when

00:27:55

you come home from work you're coming home from work with the same person what do you think you're

00:28:00

going to speak about when you get home work what do you think you're going to speak about

00:28:06

um after you have sex work the work i'm being honest like

00:28:15

you you live and you breathe your company jack is an entrepreneur and himself jack is a co-founder jack built this

00:28:22

with me right yeah so if i'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur as a

00:28:27

co-founder he is as well i don't know if you're answering the question chris but i am answering the question it

00:28:33

doesn't work it doesn't work because you work together yes it doesn't work together it would have probably worked

00:28:40

isn't that a shame when i when i um when i first met jack i have never felt

00:28:47

that way about someone before and i never once questioned our relationship or i never once questioned

00:28:54

whether i didn't want to be with this person and it's funny because when we hire new people at tone and scope they obviously

00:28:59

know mine and jack's relationship and a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous

00:29:05

they're like are the co-founders going to be better are they going to be nasty to one another and you know what they always say it's

00:29:12

insane how much respect and love they have for one another it's actually a bit worrying how much respect and love we have for

00:29:18

one another and had we not had tona sculpt we would have 100 be married by now

00:29:24

probably expecting a first child is jack in a relationship i don't know we don't speak about stuff

00:29:30

like that i don't know if he's in a relationship okay so here's another thing

00:29:37

jack's made it pretty clear he's been like i don't know who i'm gonna find that's

00:29:42

like you and you said the same to me today and i've said the same thing about him um and another thing is i've been

00:29:50

with him for five years right i was with him for five years i still work with him in a normal situation you break up

00:29:56

and you go separate ways go separate ways you don't speak you don't see unless you're stalking each other

00:30:02

which i would because i'm a weirdo so i'd stalk you for a bit until i got over you but what i'm saying is i see

00:30:08

him every day so it's like how can i ever forget about you you're always there

00:30:14

i speak to you every day i'm on the phone to you every day we make executive decisions together

00:30:19

every day i still go to you for advice every day but why is i don't look at you

00:30:25

and want to kiss you right do you no i don't i don't

00:30:33

i don't not not right now anyway but i don't

00:30:39

to be in a relationship you have to have that flair come on you have to have that spark that

00:30:45

you you make me feel some type of way and i know over time it will pass

00:30:51

and whatever but it sounds so weird but i see him almost like a best friend but then

00:30:59

everyone always tells you to marry your best friend so maybe have i got relationships all wrong

00:31:05

right so i don't know i don't know but all i'm saying is the

00:31:11

person that i'm with and next with or whatever they don't necessarily have like they're

00:31:17

not competing because that's horrible you don't want to compete kind of somewhat unavoidable though especially

00:31:24

in chrissy's brain but at the same time it's like jack

00:31:29

was is the most genuine person like would always take care of me always

00:31:36

listen always put me first would always want me to to succeed it was every check check check check check but why

00:31:44

are we not together i don't i me myself i still don't have a

00:31:49

a fundamental reason as to why you know i read the comments and people

00:31:55

were like of course she would leave jack now she's got like millions of followers and has got money

00:32:02

of course she was she's gonna go marry a rich arab man i was like what you clearly don't know me you

00:32:10

clearly don't know me but um i don't have a rich arab man as a

00:32:15

boyfriend by the way i just want to clear that up but i don't know if jack's dating i i don't know

00:32:21

what he's doing all i all i do know is that i want him to be so happy could

00:32:26

you imagine life without him oh no well that question just took my

00:32:33

breath away a bit no i couldn't no i turned around tomorrow said he said i'm leaving the business i'm moving

00:32:39

no i'd be absolutely heartbroken i'd be i'd be absolutely grieving

00:32:48

i couldn't imagine life without jack but then again don't they say the most

00:32:55

important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner you almost speak

00:33:02

special bond you always speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with but it's also and the

00:33:08

reason i asked that question is i remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago and i'm embarrassed and i thought to

00:33:14

myself what if they died and it was like well then there's no point me doing this business anymore

00:33:20

which is a really weird thought i had i thought well then they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey

00:33:26

and i it made me question you know why i'm actually doing this and i think with jack i think it's probably

00:33:31

true that um a huge part reason why you do this business is because of him you've been

00:33:37

through so much together yeah i couldn't imagine doing it with someone else yeah but i also can't imagine doing it

00:33:42

without him and you've been through hell and back together with jack right yeah and that strengthens the relationship like

00:33:49

you know so much been through so much with jack um you do five years with someone shit's

00:33:56

gonna happen shit's gonna hit the fan is it is it a possibility to be back with him

00:34:04

um like i've always said you can never say never and anything is possible however

00:34:11

if jack was to find someone right and say oh like chrissy you know out of

00:34:17

respect he would have to sit me down because we work together and be like i'm with someone now

00:34:23

and if i see that that girl is treating him so well and looking after him in all honesty

00:34:29

that's all i hope would you be a little bit jealous probably i mean i'm not gonna lie probably would

00:34:37

but and would you then question the decision oh no i'm not the type of

00:34:43

person that if if if i if i don't have you no one else can on you know me and that's just weird

00:34:48

i mean you'd go home that day and start thinking oh i would go home and be like oh like damn you'd set reminders off

00:34:56

like alarm bells will start going off i absolutely don't regret ending it i've learned more about myself in the

00:35:03

year and a half of parting ways with jack than i did in five years of being with him facts i don't regret ending it would i

00:35:10

feel some type of way if he were he was with someone else you'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said

00:35:15

no come on mate like we buddy was about to get married

00:35:20

we own a company together of course you'd feel some type of way but would i be jealous no would i be happy if he was

00:35:28

happy hell yeah i would because his happiness makes me happy is

00:35:34

in the future a possibility of me being with him again i don't i don't know how can i how can you possibly answer

00:35:40

that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was

00:35:46

not even a vision i can't answer that question but if he was to find someone and be

00:35:52

truly happy and in love and she was a good egg i'd be happy and it's possible to be happy for someone

00:35:57

but also for it to suck at the same time 100 but that's only because you just feel some type of way but deep down you

00:36:03

just want them to be happy i think he will find someone i think he's going to find someone who's really

00:36:09

genuine are you smiling i wasn't smiling you're smiling no i wasn't smiling i think you

00:36:15

are i think you were smiling i think you felt some type of way by saying that no i really do i swear i

00:36:22

but yeah i've been honest enough now till now to like lie but but if when he does right

00:36:29

when he does which he will i just want one thing from that girl if you're listening out there to jack's

00:36:35

future wife i just don't want her to sway he's a mind on our business

00:36:43

does that make sense yeah oh leave tone and sculpt you don't need it anymore

00:36:48

that's horrible like don't interfere don't need to get involved love all right look at you but it's true

00:36:56

like i'm sorry but when i'm with a guy if he starts telling me what to do with my company

00:37:01

or if he starts telling me or it's me or jack i'd be like yeah get a grip it's jack

00:37:08

if you give me an ultimatum i don't want to be with you you know what this thing so i was i was

00:37:14

thinking about this earlier and i've got some friends i wouldn't call them necessarily friends but people that i know personally

00:37:20

and they would hate because they're so insecure as men they would hate the idea of dating

00:37:27

someone as self-made and successful as you mm-hmm and it's a certain type of insecure man

00:37:33

i'm laughing because i already know already been there really yeah certain type of insecure man

00:37:39

that really is seeking to control that would would not like a chrissy because

00:37:45

you can't be controlled you can't be controlled through gifts through x and you've been there yeah i've been

00:37:52

there i've done that like you know i remember one time

00:37:59

go for it sarah was like yeah sarah was my pa she's like yeah open up

00:38:06

but i remember one time when i was speaking to this guy you know after jack and i was going to a

00:38:13

lathe this was one of the biggest photo shoots for tone and scott this was you know to refurbish the entire app and everything

00:38:19

like brand new look brand new everything so much money went into this i think nearly 90 grand in production that's a

00:38:26

lot of money [ __ ] to the money [ __ ] ton of money yeah i mean i can put down two mortgages

00:38:32

for that yeah so as you can see like what but when we do things we do things right i tone and sculpt and that's facts um

00:38:40

so i remember he sat down he was like i don't know i just feel a bit you going

00:38:45

i said what do you mean what do you think i'm gonna do go and go and you know

00:38:51

go crazy with other men in la i'm going to work oh i don't know i don't know really

00:38:56

insecure and i found myself thinking it was me

00:39:01

i was like wait a minute and then i sat back and i was like no that's you you're insecure that's a problem that's

00:39:07

not my problem when la had the best time ever with my team we had the most incredible time

00:39:13

you know met the most incredible people came back most incredible campaign and i felt good but had i let that

00:39:21

man sway me maybe i i may have been a bit vulnerable

00:39:27

at the time and let's say he did sway me what if i changed my eye and didn't go that could have happened

00:39:33

was he intimidated by you and your success do you think at the beginning yeah 100

00:39:40

let's be honest i'm 20 oh my god i'm 26. i'm 26. i was still 24. i'm

00:39:47

26 years old and you are killing the game i'll say it because i know you're too humble

00:39:52

no i no no no no no no no i said it it's fine you didn't you

00:39:58

say whatever you want but it's not even that it's you know when you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things

00:40:04

um people start to obviously feel a bit like you know i think it was

00:40:10

people start to feel like they should have them i say something when you talk about your success i get

00:40:15

awkward don't i i'm super awkward and i'll can i just say an observation and i think this is

00:40:21

a society problem not you problem men aren't like that no they're not i love coming up on here

00:40:26

and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it how many x wins that they've achieved um you

00:40:33

don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success and i feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in

00:40:38

uh honestly it's not even that it's me i'm very awkward with stuff like that like can i be honest i don't even check my

00:40:44

bank accounts i let my account and deal with it i i i don't i i think for me i stay so

00:40:51

tunnel vision and the vision so i wake up in the morning the first thing i do is check

00:40:57

my mentions and dms and go on my community pages in that forum that's literally the first

00:41:02

thing i do and if i start thinking about how am i going to make a billion how am i going

00:41:08

to do this i'm going to do that i don't know it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have

00:41:13

um and i was really number driven at the beginning not financially but on instagram followers

00:41:20

and followers the more followers it means i'm amazing the more likes it means i'm fit enough to be here

00:41:26

you know and i got so obsessed i used to almost like not think i was good enough unless i got a certain amount of likes

00:41:33

or followers and i completely lost sight of why i'm doing what i'm doing you know now i don't even check the

00:41:39

likes i get i don't even check the the my statistics my team do i don't check it because i don't care

00:41:46

what i care about is that comment that a lady saying to me oh my god this has helped me so much

00:41:52

this has made me so confident that feeds my energy if i start thinking

00:41:57

how am i going to get 100 million how am i going to juice that will come i'm confident it will

00:42:03

come but it's not my fundamental you know and it's going to be focusing

00:42:09

on something else yeah i'm focused on something else and it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success

00:42:16

it's that i've you can speak to any of my team like i just don't care about it can i be honest

00:42:22

with you like i am not thriving to

00:42:28

i don't know i'm not i'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car

00:42:34

i mean i even said to you like i don't have a fancy car a fancy house by the way and you were like i don't care yeah you

00:42:41

know like i don't really care about stuff like that i never i never have been like that

00:42:47

and it's not that i'm trying to be humble it's like i literally don't give a [ __ ] i don't care about a fancy car never

00:42:52

have done on the things that you do care about you talked about these comments and these dms you get um

00:42:58

i imagine you know because i get a couple dms as well you get a lot not a couple you get a lot

00:43:04

and uh how how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages

00:43:10

you something so deeply personal and that they're seeking advice or guidance or they're just

00:43:16

sharing a problem with you how does that feel in terms of well how does it make you feel um

00:43:23

when can i message sometimes because you know what to say because i'm not qualified to deal with

00:43:28

certain situations but at the same time the contradiction with me is like you're giving that advice

00:43:33

something yeah and i just want to acknowledge the person but i know i can't so and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve

00:43:39

their problem 100 you're not there to fix someone's problems yeah but but i think the value that i can bring is

00:43:45

just by like listening and acknowledging but you know there's a spectrum right so you have on one end i love what you do

00:43:51

in the other end you have people that are suicidal or that are you know and um it's it sometimes it's a lot i

00:43:57

had this one video go viral 30 million views and it was about depression and i got 8 000 dm's that week from

00:44:03

people on that spectrum and i just didn't know what to do i was like because when you read them some people

00:44:09

are really really suffering and they've come to me because clearly in some cases one girl that said she'd

00:44:15

barricaded herself in a room in egypt and she was on the verge of suicide like

00:44:20

she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else and sometimes a stranger yeah is the the most safe place to you

00:44:26

know how does it feel that that has kind of made me emotional no it didn't i did the funny thing to that i remembered

00:44:32

that instantly this girl barricaded in a room in egypt who would watch this video and had reached out to me to for me to

00:44:39

give her the answer she's looking for in her life which i'm not qualified to give right all i can do is

00:44:45

be a friend in that in that situation um but but i'm sure you get messages that are you know yeah i get um messages

00:44:53

every day thousands and um so there's two things that i've started

00:44:59

to do one of the biggest teams we have at tone and sculpt is the customer support team right

00:45:05

and by the way this isn't because we get influxes of emails it's because we have a person for each

00:45:11

social facebook community manager instagram all of this stuff and the reason being is we don't need

00:45:18

them it's because i want every single person to be heard and what you just said that

00:45:24

is exactly what i think as well you want to be a friend i call my community familia

00:45:30

i always use that word i always say you're my sisters you're my familia

00:45:35

because at the end of the day i'm not here to fix your problems but i'm here to listen to your problems i'm here to be the friend that you may

00:45:42

think you don't have in in your reality you can't fix someone's problems you

00:45:47

can't offer you know mental health advice because if you say something wrong god forbid anything happened but you can

00:45:54

listen you can make feel make someone feel like they're part of something and that's the best thing i can do you

00:46:00

know yeah and you know i was i was thinking then as well about the previous topic we had i rarely switched back

00:46:07

but before you came here today there was a question i actually wanted to ask you about because i only ask questions because i am

00:46:13

curious myself sure and i'm trying to i think the reason i ask these questions is i'm trying to find similarities in some way

00:46:19

between a you know a person on your journey and a personal mind the question is are you hard to date

00:46:27

today was one of those days in my life where i'm filming this podcast with chrissy i've got a ton of things going on i've got tons and tons of emails

00:46:33

i'm sprinting around and like usual in my crazy crazy world i am neglecting my nutrition something that i

00:46:40

i have done for probably the last decade and this is why huel sponsored this podcast and why i've

00:46:46

been a huge customer for about three years and why when i was looking for a partner to work with on this podcast hill was the

00:46:52

company that came to mind it's a company that helped me with my nutrition and for me to stay sort of

00:46:57

nutritionally complete as is huel itself despite the fact that i have a crazy

00:47:02

crazy unfi predictable unforgiving schedule and um i love it and it's it's such a

00:47:09

pleasure to get to have a podcast and to have a partner in huel and then julian who is the founder and ceo

00:47:14

where i can talk about it and the benefits it gives to me in such an authentic way if you've not tried huel and you are

00:47:20

someone that frequently neglects your diet whether it's through busyness whether you forget to have meals because

00:47:26

of whatever's going on in your life i implore you just to try it just to check it out um they and heal

00:47:32

comes in many different like shapes and sizes there's the powder they've got like the savory meals now and they have the bottles

00:47:39

and for me i've always loved the bottles um so it's yeah it's a pleasure that

00:47:44

you'll sponsor this podcast and support us in this mission and they're the reason that we're going to be scaling this podcast up

00:47:51

big time i was just chatting to um chatting to some of the production crew that worked with me and jack and dom

00:47:57

and i was saying that um now we have a partner on the podcast we can really take this up a level

00:48:03

you've seen me taken up one level this season already we're gonna take it up even further and that's in terms of production in terms

00:48:09

of the guests in terms of what we can invest into this into this um piece of content so thank you to huel check it

00:48:16

out try the chocolate flavor let me know what you think if you are a hula gun right and um i appreciate you listening

00:48:22

back to the podcast the question is are you hard to date

00:48:29

um oh [ __ ] yeah i think so i think i am i'm not gonna lie

00:48:36

like okay so here's the thing right i'm super loving when i'm with you i'll do anything for

00:48:42

you like i'll look after you i'll make you feel special

00:48:48

it's gonna be like but if you like it but no no like honestly like even i

00:48:55

i can honestly say like even sarah and my pa will tell you like i fall hard in love yeah

00:49:02

i head over heels for someone i'll fall so hard for you um but i also fall so

00:49:08

hard out of love for you oh [ __ ] that's the issue of me and that's

00:49:14

facts and i hate that about myself so much it's the one thing i hate the

00:49:19

most about myself i'm a switch you do something to annoy me or you do something to kind of like

00:49:27

it's bad it's not healthy like i people think i'm superwoman i've got my

00:49:32

own problems this like i want my own issues i feel so in love

00:49:37

with someone and then if i don't see that same level of love back i'm like [ __ ] this [ __ ] self-defense

00:49:44

yeah i do think in relationships i'm really i'm really defensive and you know what i can't believe i'm

00:49:50

admitting all this but yeah i i would say i am and i think that um what are you defending yourself from

00:49:59

i don't know okay why are you are you hard to date yeah okay so so are you defensive

00:50:04

christy this is all about your diary well come to me no i want to know what you're defending yourself from

00:50:11

because you you literally said if i didn't get the same type of love back

00:50:16

okay okay so you're obviously very motivated you're very inspired you're very like

00:50:22

driven right thanks you're welcome i'm the same like i just want to keep going

00:50:28

i want to grind i want to grind so if i see someone kind of just not doing the same

00:50:33

infuriates me like i'm almost like how can you not have passion for something how can you not

00:50:39

have a try for something and then it leads me to believe that hold on a minute if i did have the same

00:50:46

person that had the same level of drive would we be compatible maybe i do need someone a little bit

00:50:51

more like low-key because then it will make me feel a bit calmer when i'm home it's all over the gap i don't know what

00:50:58

i want women don't know what they want stop asking women what we want we don't know what we want

00:51:04

we don't know what we want but what i can say is i think sometimes when we overthink

00:51:11

things especially me i overthink relationships all the freaking time i think sometimes

00:51:16

it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit because if someone is genuinely there

00:51:22

for you willing to listen willing to take care of you and willing to always always put effort

00:51:28

in stop being a [ __ ] pretty much you know i i

00:51:34

me personally i'm i'm difficult to stay i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i don't even feel bad

00:51:42

saying that i felt quite free saying that like i'm i'm difficult today so no one said you should feel bad no i

00:51:48

i am and i i feel bad for the guy but so i really want to dig into that because i can

00:51:54

really really relate and that's why i started laughing because i've gone over the same predicament in my head thinking maybe i need someone

00:51:59

that's super ambitious and has loads of passions and there's a flagship person and then i thought but then maybe they'd drive me crazy because you know and then

00:52:05

so i flip-flop and usually when i'm with one i think i want the other same and then yeah and then when with

00:52:12

that i'm like nope yeah that's literally me yeah i'll

00:52:17

like maybe we can figure this out today i honestly can't and i think you know what it is

00:52:23

i think it's because we are people that are constantly switched on yeah like

00:52:28

neurotic obsessive obsessive like with work with this with that i'm not obsessive in a relationship

00:52:34

like if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life i'd be like no way and i couldn't imagine ever

00:52:40

trying to tell someone what to do with their life like if you want to do whatever you do whatever you want to do that's your life

00:52:46

you live it the way you want to live it um so because i'm obsessive with my life and my career

00:52:52

i'm constantly switched on so if someone around me isn't i almost feel

00:52:59

like i don't know she doesn't think they're a bum

00:53:06

oh my god i think that's true

00:53:11

it's true yes i know it's so true and then do you find yourself

00:53:16

feeling a bit lazy yeah but also i i'm like steve don't tell him because you're

00:53:21

passing your own world view and your own values onto someone else who doesn't want it yeah and you

00:53:27

shouldn't be trying to change people out here you accept them oh my god that is me i'm literally like

00:53:35

what do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life what do you mean you don't have a passion what do you mean and i go crazy in my

00:53:41

head and this is happening in my head whilst i'm looking at the meat do you know what i mean like let's say

00:53:48

i'm like let's say we're we're at dinner i'm having a full-on-blown conversation in my head like what do you mean i'm not

00:53:53

ambitious what do you mean you don't want this and he's just chilling you know you're not doing anything wrong and then i have to let you take a

00:54:00

breather and be like what am i doing i can't i can't push that on to someone i can only push that onto myself i need to

00:54:06

chill out connected to this maybe maybe not your parents hard working oh my god so hard working

00:54:15

um came from another country came from another country um immigrated at the back of the lorry

00:54:21

you know i immigrated back of banana lorry yeah and um i remember we landed in

00:54:28

france and my family got arrested because we were immigrants and they separated us so they put

00:54:33

me my my brother in one room my dad in another room he could see him through the glass and i remember crying and crying and

00:54:40

crying like dad dad dad i didn't know what's going on i was four years old but i still remember that i'll never

00:54:45

forget the the prison room was turquoise i'll never forget that and when we came

00:54:51

to this country my mom and dad worked hard my mom worked three jobs my dad worked

00:54:58

as a hb1 lorry driver every single night you know every penny they had they saved

00:55:03

they saved they saved um my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem

00:55:10

i'm gonna be honest my mum was constantly trying to like fix that problem and

00:55:18

i've never actually mentioned that ever before ever and as much as i love my dad with

00:55:25

my entire heart and and i want nothing more for him to be happy it caused a lot of strain on my mum

00:55:30

like trying to feed her family trying to like work hard trying to save trying to take us on holiday you know

00:55:36

um so to save money and then to have the person you love gambling away it's like

00:55:42

what's the point like i don't understand why i'm with this person but in my culture you don't leave the man you're

00:55:47

with you're stuck with them but my mum even though he was like that my mum

00:55:53

loved and loves my dad so much it's pretty bizarre because that would be enough to take

00:55:59

anyone off but she just believed in him he doesn't do any more believed in him and nourished him and

00:56:05

loved him so much and together they grew better um

00:56:10

so for me if i have a man and he like places a bet on something

00:56:16

it triggers me to think he's going to be gambling and i'm like oh my god no sorry out he's put one bet down and i

00:56:23

think he's canvased you know what i mean it's crazy so i asked that question for a reason gone

00:56:29

um because we've we've established that we have very much similar traits and relationships that we

00:56:35

we tend to really value hard work and ambition and it tends to be the case

00:56:41

that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where um

00:56:49

hard work and ambition were the thing that might have got us out of some [ __ ] let me

00:56:55

tell you from my example all right so very much the same as yours but switch the parents so i came from

00:57:01

africa i was born in africa came to the uk my dad had like a pretty good job but my mom you could all call it a gambling

00:57:07

addiction she had this she has both gambling addiction on one hand because she played

00:57:12

there was probably a thousand lottery tickets if i opened any drawer in our house okay but on the other hand she she was

00:57:19

she was she couldn't stop starting businesses to the point that the reason why we were so poor we never

00:57:25

had birthdays or christmases or went on holiday at all ever period was because my mom spent all the money trying to become a millionaire

00:57:31

by starting these businesses they'd all fail within six months because she can't read or write and my dad was the unconditionally

00:57:37

loving calm supportive won't leave you even though you're an absolute [ __ ] parent right so there's one yeah so in my house i

00:57:44

think when i think about why i am the way i am now i think money was such a big problem

00:57:50

that in our house it was the cause of so much pain mm-hmm same that i grew up valuing it so much and the thing that

00:57:57

would get you it which would to me would be like you know my what i thought was happiness was like hard work ambition like my

00:58:04

parents worked so hard that they wouldn't even be that in the house when i went to bed or when i woke up and so i value hard work and ambition

00:58:11

because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems right so and especially as immigrants

00:58:17

right there's a different there's like an immigrant vibe i get you yeah i get you don't we don't even have to talk about i

00:58:22

just get you so like this is part of the reason why i think in relationships when someone doesn't have those values when they

00:58:28

don't value hard work and ambition i'm like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you yeah there's probably something wrong with me

00:58:33

i don't think there's anything wrong with you i think i i'm i'm not going to sit here and think

00:58:38

there's something wrong with me not wrong it's like it's the result of my traum my traumatic childhood experience maybe i

00:58:44

wouldn't change it for the world do you know what it is i swear to god i think it's it's the fact

00:58:50

that okay so a lot of people

00:58:57

when we moved to england i was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends houses my dad

00:59:04

is super strict like i couldn't even wear skirts around him absolutely not forbidden and so when i

00:59:10

did used to go to my other friends houses like english culture it was a completely different vibe like

00:59:18

their family was different like their moms and dads were different and then when i'd come to my house it

00:59:23

was different and i didn't understand it so my dad has always wanted me to marry an albanian

00:59:30

man it's like his dream he's like please marry an albanian man you two will be amazing together like

00:59:36

this and i'm like dad i don't care what he is so long as i'm in love

00:59:42

and it happens to be that the guys i've been with have been english and the cultures are completely

00:59:50

different and it it i don't understand like sometimes when they do things i

00:59:56

don't understand examples like okay so in my household mediterranean loud

01:00:04

proud like very like good really yeah super loud i am super loud i love it

01:00:10

but you know you come to my house and my mum will have dinner ready for you my mom will buy you slippers to make you

01:00:15

feel like home you know and she'll she'll welcome you hug you kiss you on each cheek

01:00:21

but then when i'd go to jack's families for example as much as they were so loving so caring it just wasn't the same

01:00:28

like you'd have dinner different times or and i didn't understand it because i've been brought up in a family where

01:00:35

everything's together like togetherness and everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid so

01:00:42

to have a different culture thrown into the mix sometimes it does clash and it does like

01:00:48

cultures are different but that doesn't mean one culture is better it just means it's different

01:00:54

so it's up to you whether you want to learn both cultures and and meet in the middle it would be

01:01:00

easier if i went for an albanian guy because their cult culture is the same and i've been brought up in that culture

01:01:06

but obviously jack's culture is completely different so i've had to kind of like

01:01:13

you know find the middle find that that middle ground i guess i don't know

01:01:19

what you call it but find that balance are you scared that you might not ever

01:01:25

meet the right person all the time i'm all the time scared i'm 26 years old and as women we're told

01:01:33

we have a time frame if you're not 30 you have kids you're too old if you if you have kids at 40

01:01:41

what kind of mum are you all this bloody [ __ ] around us all the time see how much pressure that adds as

01:01:47

a woman all the time so much pressure you got to get married you got to have kids you got

01:01:53

to be a mom you got to be a mum before 30. oh that's when i like

01:01:59

breathe out so much pressure and it petrifies me it honestly petrifies me because a lot

01:02:06

of people around me in my industry are married or i'll have children or have like

01:02:14

a fiance and i had that and i almost think to myself i had that and i let that go

01:02:21

and sometimes you you think do you know and this is probably i'm asking this question again for my own reasons so

01:02:26

you do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being entrepreneur no you're never too

01:02:33

busy for someone you love i don't think that's the case i don't think um

01:02:39

i'm too busy you think you're what you're doing with with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you um being

01:02:47

uh aware and forming a healthy relationship when the prospect arises

01:02:54

do you know what i think it is when you have a nine to five you clock out you come home you switch

01:03:01

off you don't clock out you're working constantly even if you're in this room

01:03:07

you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business you're thinking about something you need to do something

01:03:12

to check off something you need to approve something to expand on so it's it's so guilty for me to say

01:03:18

this i feel bad saying it but i could be in a room with you and i'm thinking about my companies constantly and someone who has a nine to

01:03:27

five doesn't understand that because it's like you're switched off at five

01:03:32

and sometimes i feel bad saying i do kind of wish i can switch off at 5 p.m

01:03:37

but i just can't and i think it's not necessarily i'm too busy at some constantly thinking

01:03:43

even if i'm in the room with you i'm constantly thinking about what i have to do you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by being even if you're sat next to

01:03:49

them yeah you're often you know yeah i often say i say like when i'm with somebody my aim isn't for them to ever understand

01:03:56

me it's just to understand that they don't understand yeah because i think i'm like too difficult to understand if i'm quiet for an hour it

01:04:03

doesn't mean i don't love you it means that i've just got an email so true and it's just [ __ ] me and i actually don't want to always share

01:04:08

things at home because you're offloading yeah you're offloading and i don't want to be back because i could offload 24

01:04:14

7. oh trust me so can i sarah's always like oh here we go again um but it's

01:04:22

true like you know your phone is buzzing off constantly you could get a dm by someone you could

01:04:28

you could get a message an email and it's like oh [ __ ] really and you're just sitting watching a movie

01:04:35

with your partner tell me about that part of being an entrepreneur i think that's why i really started the podcast in the first place was

01:04:40

i want to hear about the [ __ ] of running a business the unexpected unpredictable

01:04:47

life-shifting [ __ ] that happens yeah your life is you breathe and you

01:04:52

live your businesses i think this is something people don't understand you live and you breathe your companies they are

01:04:59

your babies no one and nothing can get in the way and no one understands that they see the

01:05:06

money the success the followers the this the that the blingy cars whatever the hell you want to see and

01:05:15

let me tell you the reality you don't have much time you suck at relationships

01:05:23

you don't have many friends and the friends that you have you don't really see them um when you do have time to yourself

01:05:30

you never switch off ever you are the biggest self-critic ever

01:05:38

you constantly think that you could be doing better and that pressure is insane mentally and physically it

01:05:44

drains you and um another thing is that i really just want to say um if you think a life of an

01:05:51

entrepreneur is so glamorous this is the first time i've put on jeans

01:05:57

in i would say i'm blessed i feel privileged i don't know how long but i don't live

01:06:03

in jeans i live in sweats and sliders so if it sucks so much it doesn't suck and you know what i'm trying to say yeah

01:06:09

i know exactly what you're saying but i'm also here to to try and help people understand multiple perspectives because people say

01:06:15

okay so you've criticized you know you've talked not criticized but you've talked about the downsides right why'd you still do it because you could

01:06:21

just say do you know what i killed it hang up your your gym yeah your active wear clothes

01:06:29

oh your shoes i don't know what people would say and you could say that's it i'm done why don't you

01:06:35

oh no why not gosh the feeling i get when i

01:06:41

when i see someone's transformation nah that fills me up like

01:06:47

that fuels me when i see a transformation when i see someone who

01:06:54

had um a mental a mental health disorder or an eating disorder and has is now thriving

01:07:01

do you know that is so unexplainable that nothing else

01:07:06

matters i'd rather not have a relationship to be frank with you

01:07:12

i really am not that fast so long as i can continue to help as many women as

01:07:18

possible for me that's enough and that's why i don't stop is there an endpoint in all this i hope

01:07:25

not okay there's no like mountain top there's no no i i think that

01:07:34

you know you're you're told in life that you need to go to school you need to go to university you need to achieve this

01:07:40

right so then you achieve this and you are not satisfied so you need to

01:07:47

achieve this and then this and then this i don't have

01:07:52

goals for financial status for awards for anything like that

01:07:58

i had maybe two goals and i've achieved one of them which i won't share because it's

01:08:04

actually very top secret but you'll see it next year okay um but

01:08:11

if you have these um tangible goals i'm thinking now what it is i'm like you finally married an

01:08:17

albanian man i'm like what oh yes daddy i did no no

01:08:22

i didn't i didn't no i'm not married nope that's actually very depressing thank you

01:08:27

um but no it's like you you goals are like you you know when you

01:08:33

wrote in your diary i want a range rover right you got a ranger or what then just total anti-climax

01:08:40

yeah well i want a million dollar house cool what then you're lonely in your house

01:08:45

your house is so big you don't know what to do with it by the way my house is not so big i don't want to do it i need more

01:08:50

space but you see what i'm saying so i don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable

01:08:56

is there a point in when you're building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day because i

01:09:01

can think about the worst days that i've had in business what was the what was the one that sprung to mind straight away

01:09:08

oh god um okay so when i'm i'm a woman in tech right so

01:09:15

with an app there's complications that you are not even prepared for there's maybe a bug maybe this maybe

01:09:22

that so obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back um from the developers from

01:09:28

the old developers it was a third party company and when we transferred it to brand new

01:09:34

servers that are obviously you know pretty much ours um

01:09:39

because servers are just so huge but um i didn't know anything about tech when i

01:09:45

started now you speak to me tech i know tech language okay so it's actually i'm very proud

01:09:50

because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell the server was i was like what's the first time you heard about it there's a bug did you

01:09:55

think oh lady bird i honestly don't like it's embarrassing but when the transition happened the

01:10:03

whole app went right shut down and imagine when you know when instagram shuts down people

01:10:09

like oh my god instagram sucks like fu instagram okay but

01:10:14

this is my company now so when it shuts down it's like i can't i can't i can't pay

01:10:21

for my employees i can't pay for my office i can't do this i can't do that when it shut down my whole face shut

01:10:28

down with it i was like [ __ ] what do i do now this is it we lost 10

01:10:34

000 subscribers in one day okay you times 10 000 by 13.99

01:10:40

yeah it's a lot of [ __ ] money a lot of money in one day gone gone that was probably the one of the

01:10:47

worst days and i just sat back and i looked at jack and i just said to him

01:10:52

what the [ __ ] do we do now jack b and jack he was like don't worry

01:10:58

we'll gain them back on don't worry why are you stressing this is what happens well would you be while we're stressing

01:11:04

idiot what do you mean he's like chill out but um

01:11:10

yeah that was probably the worst day and i just remember i i lost so much weight right i lost

01:11:17

i would say i was 56 kilograms i went down to 49 in like 56

01:11:26

yeah i went down to 49. seven kilograms yeah but i went down to 49 so can you

01:11:31

imagine in what space of time um three weeks to four weeks i couldn't keep anything on i wasn't

01:11:38

eating i wasn't sleeping i lost everything then me and jack parted so

01:11:43

and i was still producing videos still producing content still how long was the up down for it was down

01:11:49

for three days three days and i was still producing content going on instagram don't worry

01:11:55

guys like we'll still get out there i wasn't eating wasn't sleeping wasn't doing anything i just broken up the person i was going to

01:12:02

marry i was in a house with my dog the house that i built with the man i was supposed

01:12:08

to be with i didn't know what the hell i was doing anymore at that point i thought i thought i should give up not gonna lie

01:12:15

but yeah i was like this is it now no no i'm giving up i've got my law degree i'm

01:12:21

gonna go back to doing that this is just too much stress and then i did and i just kept going

01:12:26

just kept going something inside me was like you just have to keep going please don't give up please don't give up chrissy

01:12:33

you talked about um your own battles with mental health um over the years i think i think i read

01:12:41

that you you said you'd suffered with depression at various stages yeah early on can you

01:12:46

tell me about that yeah huge like i mean

01:12:51

a lot of people see a very picture-perfect image on instagram which

01:12:57

i'm to blame just like everybody else you want to you want to showcase the best bits of you nothing wrong with that you keep doing

01:13:04

you if that works you keep doing you but i have been in such

01:13:09

dark places that i couldn't i couldn't picture wanting anyone

01:13:17

to feel what i felt in those places even someone i resent not that i resent anyone but i

01:13:23

wouldn't even want that for them these dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate

01:13:30

whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling period like just be done with it

01:13:37

and i'll never forget i was laying in bed one day and i was so

01:13:46

depressed so depressed that i just thought to myself it'd be so much easier if i wasn't here

01:13:53

that's so much easier just quit just leave

01:13:58

and i cried myself to sleep and i woke up the next morning and it almost felt like in my dream i'd made it happen

01:14:04

if you know what i'm trying to say without saying it and i just thought

01:14:10

i need to stop because i cannot go on like this and i think when i try and explain to

01:14:16

people i've i know those dark places i've been in those dark places they don't believe me because they see me for

01:14:22

the person i am today they don't see the person that fought so hard to be

01:14:27

where i am today mentally not even about the success the business is mentally that's the most important thing up here

01:14:34

this is the most important thing you can have all the money in the world all the businesses in the world you can

01:14:39

have 300 employees multiple companies who gives a [ __ ] about that if you up

01:14:45

here are so not okay so yeah i've been through dark places but

01:14:51

i've also picked myself up multiple times and i've had to brush my shoulders off and get [ __ ] done

01:14:56

and that's why i keep saying to every single person out there you have to do this for you do this for

01:15:04

you this is the the biggest and most important thing i can say to you

01:15:10

and now that you have you know you've built this empire this little fitness empire which is rapidly growing do you ever find

01:15:17

yourself in those dark places even today yeah not as bad um

01:15:23

but i find myself um i find myself wondering if

01:15:30

i'll ever have like a somewhat normal life so like what we discussed

01:15:37

will i ever find someone again will i be in love will i get married will i have children like i want

01:15:43

children i want to be married i believe in those things i want those things but sometimes i wonder if those things

01:15:49

are going to happen for me and i do wonder i just maybe need to stop overcomplicating things in my

01:15:55

mind but i can't switch off and maybe the only way i know to switch off is just to quit

01:16:01

you see what i'm saying it's a vicious circle but if i quit i'll be so angry at myself for quitting it's like

01:16:07

ongoing it's constant it doesn't stop so um and do you think part of

01:16:13

that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now and how you live and work now and how

01:16:19

obsessive you are now is probably not like conducive or um

01:16:24

it's probably not going to allow that other all those other things you want to yeah to come true right so like you

01:16:29

think well something's going to have to give at some point is that i do i'm not going to i i literally think like that i'm not gonna lie like

01:16:36

so when when toner scope was built um we i didn't i honestly

01:16:43

didn't realize it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure

01:16:49

so everything's been hyper organic in the space of 12 months we now have a team of 22

01:16:54

people when it was just me and jack 12 months ago 22 people an office in

01:16:59

in in london we know what the rent is like in london it's off the chain um 120 growth

01:17:06

you know month by month it's rapid growth we've just launched a brand new trainer

01:17:13

um who is like insane and um i keep saying to myself okay when

01:17:19

i get to this point i can relax and i say that to sarah all the time

01:17:24

i keep saying i keep mentioning sarah but but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own

01:17:31

blood because she's with me everywhere i go and she is the person i speak to about a lot of things

01:17:37

so i always say to okay when i get to this point with tone and scope i can breathe and bless her she's like

01:17:44

yeah yeah she knows in her head i want more and i want more but it's not i want more it's that i

01:17:50

believe we can do more and i believe we can do more and strive for more so when does it end

01:17:57

when does it end it doesn't end that's what i'm trying to say so you have to make peace with it

01:18:02

you have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end but you also have to make peace with the

01:18:07

fact that you need to make maybe some self self self-adjustments and and be a bit

01:18:12

critical with yourself because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level

01:18:18

that's that's my problem i need to deal with that's not their problem you know it's not fair on them how'd you

01:18:25

deal with that i think it i think it takes time i think you're not sure are you

01:18:34

no i'm not sure about your body language oh god i figured that one out it's okay

01:18:39

to not have it figured out right i don't have it figured out and i'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out

01:18:45

right yeah yeah i get that um but i do think i need to stop being so mean

01:18:51

it's this balance right between trying to figure it out now because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have

01:18:56

you know but then also realizing that you shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just you've

01:19:01

literally made me feel in this podcast like i'm the most impossible person to be with i'm not i'm just asking the questions oh

01:19:07

no no i can't lie i'm not going to lie just to make myself sound good no it's it's a very important part of being

01:19:15

a successful person that it has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain yeah i do ambitious and that's but also

01:19:20

has these other things they want and life is a drop at you you can't have everything at the same time so what we're talking about now is like

01:19:26

compromising how you reach that compromise in your life if possible i'm in the same place i have no idea how

01:19:31

that's gonna happen but do you do you want kids i do want kids do you want to get married um i'm not so concerned about

01:19:37

the concept of marriage but i want to have a long-term partner because i want to have kids and so i'm willing to commit long-term

01:19:43

if it's a marriage if it's signing some other piece of paper if there's no paper i like don't really care too much about the whole marriage

01:19:50

thing if it matters so much to the partner i'll do it but i don't i was saying on

01:19:55

the last podcast no i see what you mean i don't have a great case for why the law or or a religion should be involved

01:20:00

in love i don't think it has a great track record with love yeah so i'm like i think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just

01:20:06

reconsider yeah what you mean like i'm gonna my closing statement on this point is we are all so different you are

01:20:12

different from me only a little bit but then like you're different from your assistant and i'm different from mine and

01:20:18

my friends from school so logically you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections

01:20:23

would also be unique and different like and i think at any time in life where the script tells you everyone has to go

01:20:31

through this door when you are a different shape it's like putting a triangle in a square

01:20:36

like of course i think that's when you have to question things so i got kicked out of school because i just stopped going dropped out of university after one

01:20:41

lecture and i've tried to navigate my life my way through life just rejecting the things that i meant to just accept

01:20:47

blindly and marriage is one of them where i'm like can i achieve all the things i want to in a relationship without that

01:20:53

paper yeah and i put on my linkedin last week i said um i basically said to the world i think marriage is

01:20:58

a concept we need to reconsider for everyone someone proved me wrong and one guy commented he said i've been

01:21:04

in a marriage for 45 years we love each other we've done this i said could you have done that without the marriage

01:21:11

yes okay then yeah so but you would do it if she or i don't know he whatever maybe

01:21:18

but then i need to be honest here because you know if they really wanted to get married i'd ask them why they really wanted to

01:21:24

get married i'm not gonna lie i am the same like for me a piece of paper doesn't define my love for you

01:21:30

okay let's talk about this then so why do you why do you want to get married do you know what it is like this is me

01:21:35

being a woman i just really want to dress we can do the wedding like that's marriage is different from a

01:21:42

wedding in a ceremony someone said that on my post yeah i guess yeah i mean look

01:21:48

my my dream wedding would genuinely be like on the beach having like burgers and beers with the

01:21:54

closest friends and families running in the ocean i don't want it like a big fancy party i feel like you just described

01:22:00

your dream day yeah literally if you could do that like this week but if i said to you because you're

01:22:06

so busy if i said to you what's what do you want to do right now i bet anyone and you'd say you know what i'd

01:22:11

love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food for the people i love yeah of course right of course yeah over

01:22:17

going out getting smashed of course that's what i'm saying but a lot of people the only thing is my brain is like go on your laptop and check your

01:22:23

emails see that's what i mean because you're upset because i love it you know what i mean yeah but

01:22:28

what i'm saying is to other people they want a big wedding a big big fuss i hate fuss

01:22:36

i absolutely hate fuss over me and it's so funny because like even my team surprise premier surprise birthday party

01:22:44

i was so awkward i was like don't ever do that again i i hate all eyes on me yes although my

01:22:50

business is built on all eyes on me do you see how that's so contradictory it's the same i used to my previous

01:22:57

assistant um who ended up being my girlfriend long [ __ ] story which we're not going to go into whoa

01:23:04

i don't actually know if sophie so my current assistant sophie's been with me for four years i know she knows this but sophie do you

01:23:09

know this do i do have i ever said to you when it's my birthday or when it's like social change

01:23:15

anniversary to not make a fuss about it and the reason why i say this is because i get so much attention as it is

01:23:21

and so much fuss for like being the founder being the ceo the eyes are always on me you just don't want it you're like no no

01:23:27

no no yeah the same right i'm the same and i always just feel like

01:23:32

oh i don't know so that's why my dream wedding day if that day will come is to just

01:23:39

oh my god 20 30 people max closest friends and families my my dog

01:23:44

there and just to have the person i love and i always say i want to be in a room

01:23:49

full of people and look at the person i love and just me and him understand each other you know what i mean that feeling where you look at them

01:23:56

and you're just like i get you i get you and that's that's what i crave

01:24:02

that's what i want and you're right a piece of paper doesn't define that feeling only

01:24:08

you define that feeling in that person so i don't need a piece of paper you're right um i guess i just want the concept

01:24:17

are you scared of death who me no not at all

01:24:22

hear me no i'm not i'm i'm not are you no i'm not no

01:24:29

i'm not like um i'm scared of not living yes i'm scared of like i really want to

01:24:37

do things i want to explore i want to do things i want to you know my my dream vacation

01:24:45

would be to not have my phone there i don't care about a selfie i don't care about this i just want to be

01:24:51

present in the moment and if i if i told you that you were going to die a week from now what would you so much

01:24:59

what would you regret so much tell me not living just working there you go not living like

01:25:09

as much as i love doing what i l what i do i'm not gonna lie i i've built what i've built telling

01:25:16

people to look after themselves and i forget to look after myself and

01:25:21

that's why when i do train and when i exercise it's the only time i do feel like i'm

01:25:27

doing something really special for myself and i've like i do a lot of skipping right amazing at skipping by the way

01:25:33

thank you i watched you the other day i was like oh my god did you like i thought i was a good skipper no and i saw you like dancing while skipping and

01:25:40

i was like oh she's [ __ ] of course she's doing like a double crossover and i just had to i started to feel really inadequate and

01:25:45

insecure as a man it was fine so i just had it it happens all the time

01:25:51

but you know why i skip why is that uh you have to be [ __ ] present

01:25:56

because if you're not present you get whipped right and when i'm skipping

01:26:03

i literally feel like i can't think about anything else but the rhythm and for someone who's always on switched

01:26:09

on someone who's always doing things you know people always tell me go go meditate do yoga can i [ __ ]

01:26:16

yeah can i [ __ ] i'm like i let you go to meditate and i'm thinking about my my to-do list like but when i'm

01:26:22

skipping i'm so engrossed in it yeah that i'm literally so present in the moment

01:26:29

and it makes me feel alive same thing with training i'm so engrossed in training

01:26:34

and that's why so many women when i say to them just train you're a mom you got to think about your children you're you're a student you've

01:26:41

got to think about your studies you're trying to trying to make money because you don't know when you're going to pay

01:26:46

your rent just train it's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world

01:26:51

and do something for yourself so i really want to loot background to this

01:26:58

point about if you were to die next week oh you were trying to avoid it yeah i was because you know the answer

01:27:05

yeah but i want to hear the answer because i'm asking this i would feel the same way right maybe

01:27:11

feel awkward my palms are sweating it makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable right it does because i

01:27:17

love my job so much like i love what i do it it i thrive off it

01:27:24

but on the flip side i do wish i was so i'll stop being such an annoying

01:27:29

little [ __ ] and just take some time off for myself you know let's stop being so annoying to yourself chrissy just take

01:27:35

some time off it's okay it's okay to go do things you love doing like traveling obviously right now it's

01:27:41

pandemic but you know what i'm trying to say like travel like maybe take a week off and just

01:27:47

breathe um but i can't i can't i don't know what's wrong with

01:27:52

me i just can't are you the same i'm the same is there something

01:27:58

again i'm just exploring this is there something strange about that where you feel like you know you're saying you're saying i can't it's

01:28:03

like you don't have a choice but at the same time you're telling me that if you were to die next week you would regret not living

01:28:11

yeah oh my god this is such a heavy-laded question um

01:28:17

i feel like i feel like this is the therapy session i needed

01:28:23

but it's it's so true what you've just said you've literally just you've shut me up you've shut me up

01:28:30

because i can't you're like like [ __ ] [ __ ] shut her up but it's true like

01:28:37

i can't stop working because something keeps telling me i can't stop

01:28:42

right now not yet but on the flip side if i was to die next week

01:28:48

i'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do the things that i love doing i love going to museums

01:28:54

no one knows that a lot i literally love looking at things but you think that's a

01:28:59

waste of time i do right now right now yeah and time is

01:29:04

every entrepreneur's biggest asset time is everything how could it possibly

01:29:11

be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret the the reason why i think this death question is so revealing

01:29:17

is they they do all of these there's a a lady called bonnie ware who was um she

01:29:22

worked with um i think it's called palliative patients which are people that are about to die they've gone home to die and she asked

01:29:28

them the question what are your biggest regrets and she wrote it down and she was doing this for years and she wrote a blog about it

01:29:34

and there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing

01:29:41

going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions in that moment you can imagine

01:29:46

only the things that matter people what that girl said about your hair none of this [ __ ] won't [ __ ] matter

01:29:52

the playground [ __ ] none of it will matter you'll just be left with the things that truly mattered and so putting yourself in that mindset

01:29:59

i call it like deathbed thinking allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in

01:30:04

accordance with the things that will matter in that like final moment and so

01:30:10

i asked this question because i think the same about me i'm like if you told me today i had four days left to live i'd be like

01:30:17

why didn't i have a better relationship with my family yeah why didn't i go see my niece i don't have a relationship with my brother

01:30:23

well yeah you know i have a [ __ ] relationship with my with my mom in particular yeah i don't see my niece and my two nieces

01:30:29

enough i've probably seen them i know three or four times she's maybe three years old she's only two hours away and so i think these

01:30:35

things about myself and i think okay so but what are you sacrificing have you made a change

01:30:40

because no one's ever asked me that see the question is now you've asked yourself that i think it'll always be there but but it

01:30:47

won't be but no one's ever asked me that so now you've got me thinking oh [ __ ] i need to get sarah to put me holiday because

01:30:53

[ __ ] me i need to live my life but it's like in all honesty i'll probably leave today

01:30:59

and keep doing what i'm doing day in day out until at some point you'll learn this lesson the hard way

01:31:06

facts and you know um recently one of the most important people of my life passed away

01:31:14

the woman that gave me a home you know um you know you know you know my best my

01:31:20

best friend holly who is literally my sister her mom gave me a home when i was homeless

01:31:25

and you know she didn't once mentioned the months she left let me live there

01:31:31

the food i ate the hot water i used not once ever brought it up and i saw her on her

01:31:37

dying bed right and i held her hand and i just kept thinking to myself

01:31:42

nothing matters at this point and you know what holly said to me she goes i would have called you sooner but i was scared you were doing

01:31:48

something and at that point i i it hit me like

01:31:55

i looked down i went never say that again you call me when you need me i'm always there for you but it's the

01:32:01

fact that we've the people around us know how busy we are that they sometimes feel like oh maybe i just shouldn't

01:32:08

the most important people even my mom doesn't know she goes i don't call you babe it's okay i know how busy

01:32:14

you are and i say so no you call me when you want me and you need me and it's not that you've told people not

01:32:19

to call you right it's that they think that you're just so busy that it'll be a

01:32:24

disruption because you've made them feel that way yeah yeah i'm to blame 100

01:32:30

and you know you have to take a step back and you have to realize what matters in life

01:32:36

and that for me that moment there i just realized to

01:32:41

myself and i messaged every single person i loved the most and i said i don't care how busy i am i'm

01:32:46

always here for you always so that's a real personal moment for your best friend and i'm

01:32:52

i imagine you said earlier that you don't have many friends um i have acquaintances but like

01:32:59

close friends you know like friends no i don't think i don't think a lot of people do that if

01:33:04

you really like ask i don't have many friends yeah like i have people

01:33:09

that are there like acquaintances and i have people that i would genuinely die for those are my friends you know and i can

01:33:17

count them on my hand polly is one of them other people have more friends is that a fair statement

01:33:23

typically yeah sure but i don't really care if you have more friends than me to be honest i'm happy with the people i

01:33:29

have because you have more friends with me doesn't make you more superior or makes you a better person because you have

01:33:35

more people around you it's just you know i'm only 26 i don't know how many friends

01:33:41

i'm going to have at 62. so i have friends do you see what i'm saying

01:33:46

probably less maybe yeah according to the days maybe but at the same time i couldn't

01:33:52

have asked for better friends that i have now and the friends i have now would protect me and look after me and they know i

01:33:58

would do anything for them that's what matters not having a hundred friends i want one

01:34:05

good friend not a hundred random friends so i i asked that question because i think i've definitely struggled to

01:34:11

make and to hold on to friendships because of the way i've been over the last decade in the same way relation like normal

01:34:17

relationships i found that i don't invest enough in my friendships as much as i probably

01:34:23

should okay i'm going to be completely honest um people come and go right

01:34:31

people come and go and it's so bizarre because i know it sounds crazy but i've pretty

01:34:38

much built a virtual community right and i feel like

01:34:43

that's my team even though i may have not met these women physically i feel like they

01:34:50

get me more than the people in my own life is that weird do you think that's weird

01:34:56

you think it's a bit weird don't you be honest i don't know if it's like i speak it's

01:35:02

unusual it's a very curious thing you've just said yeah like

01:35:08

you should i don't know if you've ever seen or maybe not but when i go on a live

01:35:14

workout and i work out with with with hundreds of thousands of women i don't see them they see me but i feel

01:35:21

the energy i i can't explain it to you i i sound crazy right now and people probably

01:35:27

think i'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo but let them think what they want when i'm like

01:35:34

reading a dm right or when i'm going live for a workout or when i add a new workout on and when i repost people

01:35:40

because you you see i repost a lot of people right um and half the time i don't even tag tony

01:35:45

sculpt i just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever and

01:35:51

that to me i almost feel like that's enough friends like i have friends for life this is my family my unit my team

01:35:58

my tribe and as crazy as i may sound

01:36:03

i feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life so that's when i go on social media and you

01:36:09

see me understand that's me because i feel like we're friends and you get me and

01:36:16

it's crazy because they do get me and i get them they get my sense of humour they get me

01:36:23

trying to dance on camera and be stupid i don't care i sometimes forget i have 2.3 million

01:36:28

followers and i come friends well i sometimes forget right have you seen that i come online and i don't have makeup on

01:36:34

i forget i genuinely forget and i'm like oh [ __ ] my skin's a bit crusty right now

01:36:40

and i just posted that to 2.3 million people what's my crazy ass thinking

01:36:46

and i sit back and i'm like oh okay i don't care but the nature of the internet is that you would of course

01:36:52

you've got 2.3 million people there's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that want to make you feel like [ __ ] too

01:36:59

can i be honest i'm very lucky really yeah i'm very lucky man i

01:37:06

don't get much negativity i don't and when i do

01:37:12

um if like someone's been horrible on a post because i have i have a big

01:37:18

insecurity about my boobs all right like they're they're saggy i'll say it

01:37:24

and cool i've always had a big insecurity about it i remember this one one girl just ripped them to shreds she

01:37:30

was just like ill like they look disgusting and saggy i didn't even see the comment

01:37:35

until i started seeing the community members reply back to her now there's a difference between

01:37:41

replying back to someone and being like you need to stop that was hurtful and then replying back meanly if you're replying back me that's not nice like

01:37:48

you you don't cure hate with hate right so if i see someone being really nasty so i don't like that like i'd rather you

01:37:55

not defend me i don't want that you don't know what that girl's going through just because she's being mean to

01:38:00

me you don't know what she's going through the pain she must be in you don't know but when i see someone

01:38:05

like hey says like you need to chill because that's not nice you don't know what that comment could do to someone

01:38:11

that's a team that's a community that's the family right there

01:38:16

so i'm pretty blessed i don't get as much negativity as maybe other people

01:38:22

i'm pretty pretty blessed touch word that doesn't change um but listen i

01:38:28

i don't know how to explain it to you and i'm gonna sound hella crazy right now but the the community i have man it's

01:38:37

something special like special it's something that

01:38:43

it's it's unexplainable the feeling they give me and that to me is my friends

01:38:50

as weird as i may sound and lonely as i sound so some of the things you're working on right yeah so you've got a book coming

01:38:56

out yes which is exciting tell me about this so exciting so i'm officially an author oh my god

01:39:03

um so my book do this for you how to be a strong woman on the inside and out

01:39:09

is not your average fitness book so i'm pretty sick and tired of 20 day challenges and kind of telling

01:39:16

women that oh my god do this 20 day challenge and you're going to lose 10 pounds oh shut up it's draining jarring stop

01:39:24

i'm going to teach you how to create habits discipline consistency longevity that's what it's about you know all the

01:39:31

programs on the toner sculpt app are some of them are year long

01:39:37

it kind of goes against the typical sales sales script of something with status quo like small effort from you

01:39:44

big results that's what sells right yeah five days you'll lose 100 pounds yeah you know but

01:39:50

that's very honest of you and i think that's real right yeah no you're not you're gonna lose weight of course of course you're gonna lose weight if

01:39:55

you're doing stupid amounts of cardio cutting out specific food groups and you're literally depriving yourself

01:40:02

of course you're gonna lose weight not sustainable is it sustainable no so the way i always say is funny enough

01:40:09

in a relationship if you're constantly just like horrible to someone all the time

01:40:14

is that sustainable not really you have to nourish you have to love you have to care you have to show effort consistency that's what

01:40:21

works same thing with training it's the constant effort you put in day in day out that will make a

01:40:27

difference so it's all about disciplines habits yeah and it's a book that you know what

01:40:32

in all honesty it's a book that i know when someone reads they're going to pass it down right

01:40:38

it's one of those books you read it and it gets you thinking it's a thinking book so i did the audio

01:40:44

book for it as well last week and when i was reading it i was like damn that's good

01:40:51

i was like i know someone's gonna read that yeah yeah listen to it like yeah and it's true

01:40:56

it's a thinking book i ask you what your why is so if i say to you what what is your why why is it that you want to train

01:41:05

i've been over this a lot but uh i mean like the thing that i keep trying to get my myself away from is

01:41:11

having a really extrinsic why that's like i want to look good for summer because when summer ends and i look good

01:41:16

that [ __ ] is done there we go that's a lot of people's why's yeah i want to lose weight for my wedding dress

01:41:22

i want to lose weight for this for an occasion occasion occasionally yeah timeline timeline yeah the occasion comes what then you fall

01:41:29

off a cliff yeah it's not a sustainable why so i teach you how to gain a sustainable why which is fundamentally the most important

01:41:35

foundation you need for fitness then i teach you habits you don't think twice about brushing your teeth why

01:41:41

think twice about your health why think twice about your health your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need

01:41:48

to live you need to get one of them as well and why are you thinking twice about it why are you viewing fitness as a chore

01:41:54

you're viewing your health as a chore that's a shame your body deserves more

01:42:00

whenever you've heard people speak about health like this in a society where women are driven by

01:42:06

fat loss pills and quick quick fad diets and intense workout sessions

01:42:14

it's time to stop it's time to tell you that you need to calm the [ __ ] down

01:42:20

remember your why remember how important your health is and understand that if you have a bad

01:42:26

day it's okay it's okay to have a bad day so that's

01:42:32

what do this for you is all about it sounds amazing i'm gonna read it thank you

01:42:37

um we'll we'll link the pre-order as well in all of the in the podcast and also on the youtube video i wanted to ask you what other things you're working

01:42:43

on i know you just launched a an active wear line that looks pretty awesome they are god has so many issues

01:42:49

with that to begin with but we got there in the end got there in the end honor active um honor active is

01:42:57

fundamentally i was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week um and

01:43:04

one of the things i said is that i don't want it to be a trendsetter why because i don't i don't want

01:43:12

my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy because it's trendy and that's that

01:43:18

i want on active to be something you go back to time and time again so all of our collections have certain

01:43:23

names like the first collection is called classic because you're always going to come back to it it's designed with specific

01:43:29

material that you always come back to it the next collection is called timeless and then our winter collection is called

01:43:35

effortless so it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend always and forever that it doesn't

01:43:42

matter what year it is you're still going to love honor active because trendsetters they come

01:43:47

and they go you have your 15 minutes fame and then it goes yeah but i want something to be

01:43:52

sustainable if you look at nike lululemon the biggest brands in the world they don't have fancy stuff some of the

01:43:58

best lululemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find but they're trusted

01:44:04

and they're loved and that's exactly what i want honor to be i'm not here to start trends

01:44:10

sorry i'm not here to start trends i'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings

01:44:15

and you trust this product that's my goal for honor active on to

01:44:20

the next business no toner sculpture toner scott was still like obviously my

01:44:26

number one baby in an honor active of course but what we done with toner sculpt um we launched a brand new athlete danielle

01:44:32

wilson i don't know i i clicked on her profile she followed me i was quite uh she loves you oh my gosh she's going to

01:44:38

be so excited yeah she's like oh my god she always reposted and i was like yeah he's all right

01:44:45

i'm joking she's like oh but now she is very special

01:44:54

um because i approached her and the reason why i want to talk about her briefly in this in this podcast is

01:45:00

because i think it's very important she's a 200 pound african-american woman

01:45:06

5 foot 11 not your average fitness guru right

01:45:11

so why would tone and sculpt want her she's not your average fitness guru why would you want

01:45:17

someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like

01:45:24

let me tell you why because fitness for such a long time is not about the

01:45:29

way it looks it's about the way it makes you feel she trains because it makes her feel alive

01:45:36

she's an athlete yeah she trains athletes she is an athlete built like an athlete

01:45:42

that's what i wanted for my brand so when i approached a year and a half ago i

01:45:47

slid into her dms and i was like i am every day inspired by you

01:45:53

and i didn't really think i wanted trainers other trainers on the tone and sculpt out but i what i need you i need

01:45:59

you and on this app and she was like what are you serious like you really

01:46:04

think i should be on the app and i was like hell yeah you need to be on this app you inspire me i know you're gonna

01:46:10

inspire thousands of other women and it's funny because when the whole

01:46:15

black lives matter thing happened five other companies approached her in that month

01:46:20

five other fitness brands and i had a face time with her and i said listen babe if they're

01:46:27

offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you i understand

01:46:32

business is business she goes hell no i'm married to you i'm not going anywhere i'm married to

01:46:38

you she goes but how funny is it that it took something happening

01:46:44

for them to approach me i didn't say anything and i said to her

01:46:50

i'm gonna let you answer that question yourself for yourself oh that that oh that week

01:46:55

my emails were blowing right up black lives matter week i had more speaking requests more invitations

01:47:02

to campaigns than i've ever had in my entire life you know what it is but i'm gonna be honest i'm gonna take the bag

01:47:08

do you know what i mean yeah if you're if you're approaching me because um you think you suddenly have had this

01:47:14

revelation that you need a black person involved fine fine i can't find uh

01:47:20

you know what we're gonna do say no and then like they're gonna go have to go because in this case to find someone else yeah they're not

01:47:26

and in this country when you think about young black successful entrepreneurs

01:47:31

and jamal edwards there's the guy who made sbtv who's been on this podcast it's [ __ ] no one else like that are

01:47:38

you gonna have to start looking at footballers if you want young black and successful and and so yeah [ __ ] and also i can use that platform

01:47:46

as as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions in the same way obama

01:47:51

inspired a lot of naive americans to think that oh my god a black person can be smart and intelligent and clean don't please i

01:47:58

could just so yeah i took the bags every single bag all mine and you know what i i'll keep taking them yeah

01:48:04

no hell yeah hell oh yeah like are you [ __ ] joking me i said i

01:48:11

i looked at danny i said sanya on the on the facetime it doesn't matter where you go it matters what you're going to

01:48:17

represent yeah yeah do you understand that you're going to change a young girl's life by being somewhere

01:48:23

being present being vocal being ambitious do it if the platform that's offering you more money

01:48:30

is bigger do it she was like no i want to be at toner school of course because you yeah but that's

01:48:36

just loyalty that's just her being loyal but it goes beyond bringing another trainer

01:48:41

onto the app it's about representation it's about i'm sick and tired of fitness having

01:48:47

one status quo fitness is not one status quo it's about to help people mentally and physically

01:48:53

if it wasn't for fitness i would not be alive today and that's facts so what's next for chrissy what's next

01:48:59

when you think about the future personally i don't know business

01:49:07

amazing yeah stuff that are coming up beyond um but from a personal

01:49:15

perspective i don't know i really don't know i don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal

01:49:21

life are you happy in what sense that's the question for what in one sense in your life are

01:49:28

you happy um i would say i'm really happy in my career and i'm really happy in my community

01:49:37

um from a personal perspective i think i need to just

01:49:42

take a breather and i would say i need to work on my happiness on a personal

01:49:47

perspective a little bit more yeah for sure you're gonna do that

01:49:55

see you're funny because you asked me the questions and you ask if i'm going to do it and then i don't know the answer to that question because i don't

01:50:01

know if i will do it so i don't know i think i just need to i think i just need to be a bit more

01:50:07

patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself and less self-defensive

01:50:14

listen um i've i've taken a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation i've learned a lot about myself as well

01:50:20

really yeah it's like you know on many of these issues they are they're issues that anybody in the

01:50:25

situation you know both me and you find ourselves in in life where we're running businesses and we're very busy but then

01:50:31

we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time when one of those you know

01:50:36

facets of our life is so all-consuming we feel the same things and we're confused by it we don't have

01:50:42

the answers and as much as we want to have the answers and have control over everything because we are

01:50:48

used to that and we strive for that in our business you know sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy

01:50:53

maybe that's a lot of the answer but thank you so much for giving me your time today but more

01:50:58

importantly for giving me so much honesty um and where can where can people

01:51:05

find you i mean you're everywhere so don't ask questions like you know you've got your book

01:51:10

coming out you've got your app you've got your activewear line i'm sure people will find you and um i just want to say thank you because

01:51:16

there's very few people out there that are a willing to be honest it takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest but it does so much for so

01:51:23

many people and um on behalf of your community on behalf of entrepreneurs like me on

01:51:28

behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your footsteps a

01:51:34

huge thank you because what you're doing it's costing you a lot but it's giving the world even more

01:51:40

so thank you thank you so much

01:52:00

oh

01:52:16

you

In this episode, Stephen Bartlett dives deep with Chrissy Chella, a powerhouse entrepreneur and fitness creator, as they explore the raw and unfiltered truths behind success, self-worth, and the challenges of being a woman in business. Chrissy shares her remarkable journey from being bullied as an immigrant child to building multiple multi-million pound businesses, all while navigating the complexities of societal expectations and personal insecurities.

The conversation takes a candid turn as Chrissy discusses the judgments she faces based on her appearance and social media presence, revealing the emotional toll it takes on her. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and the power of community, highlighting how her platform is dedicated to uplifting women rather than seeking personal accolades.

As they delve into personal stories, Chrissy opens up about her struggles with mental health, relationships, and the pressures of entrepreneurship. She reflects on the balance between ambition and personal happiness, sharing her fears of not finding love while being consumed by her career. The episode culminates in a discussion about her upcoming book, "Do This For You," which aims to redefine fitness and encourage women to prioritize their well-being over societal standards.

With humor, vulnerability, and a touch of chaos, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of what it means to be a successful woman today, making it a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of life and ambition.

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

95
Most inspiring
95
Best concept / idea
92
Best overall
90
Most emotional

Episode Highlights

Judgment and Motivation
Chrissy discusses how external judgments fuel her drive to succeed.
“It feeds me like piss me off even more because that's how I thrive.”
@ 05m 06s
November 23, 2020
Self-Love is Key
Chrissy highlights the importance of self-acceptance before seeking love from others.
“The most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself.”
@ 23m 04s
November 23, 2020
Growing Apart
Despite deep love, sometimes relationships don't last. "We grew apart, and it is unfortunate because I genuinely loved him."
“We grew apart, and it is unfortunate because I genuinely loved him.”
@ 26m 07s
November 23, 2020
The Complexity of Love and Business
Navigating a romantic relationship while running a business is incredibly challenging. "Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult."
“Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult.”
@ 27m 43s
November 23, 2020
The Weight of Responsibility
Receiving personal messages from followers can be overwhelming. "I want to be the friend that you may think you don't have in your reality."
“I want to be the friend that you may think you don't have in your reality.”
@ 45m 30s
November 23, 2020
The Challenge of Dating
Admitting personal difficulties in dating and the emotional rollercoaster involved.
“I'm difficult to date, I'm not gonna lie.”
@ 48m 29s
November 23, 2020
Cultural Differences in Relationships
Exploring how different cultural backgrounds can affect relationships and understanding.
“Cultures are different but that doesn't mean one culture is better.”
@ 01h 00m 54s
November 23, 2020
Facing Business Collapse
The moment everything fell apart, losing 10,000 subscribers in one day was devastating.
“That was probably one of the worst days.”
@ 01h 10m 47s
November 23, 2020
Struggles with Mental Health
Discussing battles with depression and the impact of social media on mental health.
“A lot of people see a very picture-perfect image on Instagram.”
@ 01h 12m 51s
November 23, 2020
The Importance of Relationships
A heartfelt moment reflecting on the importance of being there for loved ones.
“You call me when you need me, I'm always there for you.”
@ 01h 32m 01s
November 23, 2020
Building a Virtual Community
She shares how her online community feels more supportive than some real-life relationships.
“The community I have, man, it's something special.”
@ 01h 38m 37s
November 23, 2020
The Impact of Fitness
She reflects on how fitness has been a lifesaver for her.
“If it wasn't for fitness, I would not be alive today.”
@ 01h 48m 53s
November 23, 2020

Episode Quotes

Key Moments

Judgment as Fuel05:06
Growing Apart23:54
Authentic Partnership47:44
Love and Defense49:19
Entrepreneurial Struggles1:09:08
Mental Health Struggles1:12:41
Virtual Community1:38:37
Life-Saving Fitness1:48:53

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown