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what is up my ex- homies it's your boy
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Jacob Gooden and we are back another
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week another ex homeschoolers club uh
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this is the best EX homeschoolers
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podcast this side of the internet and uh
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you know what's so cool about this show
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is I get to meet all kinds of amazing
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homeschoolers ex- homeschoolers people
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from all over the world all over the
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country and I get to hear their stories
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and when I started the show I really
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thought I was going to be stuck with
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most of the people I grew up with um but
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people have reached out in droves to
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just like connect and share their
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stories and so we're going to share one
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of those stories today I have my brand
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new friend corbes on today corbes hello
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welcome to the ex homeschoolers Club hey
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man great to be here uh it's uh very
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good to connect with you as well this is
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a classic just build it and they will
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come situation yes and I was glad that I
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came across you and glad you responded
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to my reach out yeah no it's been
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amazing and it's been so cool like I
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said to connect with people all over uh
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the country really and here there
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stories and different age gaps and all
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kinds of different stuff so with that
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I'm going to turn it over to you a
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little bit and ask you kind of set the
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stage a little bit about your homeschool
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experience you know uh how long you were
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homeschooled siblings kind of walk us
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through a little bit of that we'll set
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the stage and then we'll go from there
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okay let me uh let me paint you a
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picture so uh growing up we were me and
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my sisters we were homeschooled our
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entire lives so never went to a real
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school um High School none of it so we
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did it through the entire way um I had
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three siblings and all sisters we were
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all two years apart um so going up my
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oldest sister was four years older than
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me my middle sister was 2 years older
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and then it was me and it was that way
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until um I was eight years old and then
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we had uh my parents had their their
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youngest child so there was four of us
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in total and we were homeschooled um
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being taught by my mom up until the time
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she got pregnant with my youngest sister
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and then we transitioned into watching
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um DVDs so there was a a small Christian
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School down in Florida that she would
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order
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cassettes from and and DVDs eventually
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and then they would come in uh they
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basically filmed their classroom and
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then we would just watch it on our side
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of things and then we would ship the
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DVDs back after we were done with the
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the school year and uh that was the kind
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of the experience we were in and we were
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homeschooled primarily just for
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religious reasons growing up we were uh
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just hardcore religious uh the the type
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of religion we were in was called
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independent fundamental Baptist and um
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just an extremely religious type of a
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denomination to the extent that
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um girls couldn't wear pants um you know
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the skirts or kolots only virtually
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everything was bad going to movie
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theaters was bad going bowling alleys
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was bad music was bad just everything
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was bad and so we were homeschooled just
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to kind of be separated from the world
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essentially and the process of going to
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school would uh you know infect your
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mind and that's how they that's how they
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get you so uh we were homeschooled for
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that reason yeah dang that's there's a
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lot to unpack there and I guess let me
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let me start by asking this so yeah at
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eight years old switching to DVDs like
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that I mean then you're what like that's
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like second third grade something like
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that that's pretty young uh to be
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switching over to like that and so okay
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so let let me ask you this so with the
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DVDs is that something where you watch
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the classroom and then like you
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basically have a textbook and you're or
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a worksheet and you're kind of like
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working through the problems with them
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or was or was it kind of just like we
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watch school and then that's it we're
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done yeah no in theory it should be
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pretty interactive to where it's an
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actual classroom setting that they just
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have a camera in the back and so they
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might even at times pause and like ask
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the the people watching certain
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questions and with the DVDs for each
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class you have a book a curriculum and
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you're supposed to go through it that
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way um but this wasn't so much my
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experience uh the way that we did it is
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I I was just in my room like in my
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actual bedroom by myself watching these
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DV s are supposed to be doing for the
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most part and uh the good book will tell
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you A Child Left to himself just brings
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his parents shame and so what I ended up
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doing through virtually almost
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especially all through High School uh
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was I had a a TV in my room with a DVD
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VHS combo and I would have the DVDs
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playing with my school and then on the
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VHS side of things I had my PlayStation
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hooked up to it and with a wireless
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controller all I had to do was just
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switch a button back and forth and all
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of a sudden it would be science class or
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you know Crash Bandicoot or whatever it
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was I was playing and if I heard anybody
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coming down the hallway I would just
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switch it over and I I literally played
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video games through almost all my
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classes uh but but in theory it's
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supposed to be yeah watch a class and do
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the work and and go along with it yeah
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right maybe a little bit more oversight
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than a little bit more oversight would
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have been uh advisable yeah yeah yeah
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yeah so that's so interesting I yeah I
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wish I would have gotten away with uh
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some maybe some more video games maybe
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not to the degree you did but um so but
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previous to to that so when your mom was
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educating you was
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she building curriculum and it sounds
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like she was just a lot more Hands-On in
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those kind of those first couple years
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and then just some Life Changes happened
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and it was like unable to do it is that
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pretty accurate to be honest I I
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honestly don't have much memory back
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then of what that school experience was
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like um my mom wasn't a educate or
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anything so I'm sure she did the best
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that she could with it but uh from what
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I understand we probably did very
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similarly had curriculums that we would
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go through and then you know she would
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just explain it to us and we would do
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the work I'm assuming that's how it went
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yeah right right so maybe something more
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along the Lin like anca curriculum or
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something like that which yeah most
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homeschoolers know that's the that's the
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the big bad word that a lot of people
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that a lot of homeschoolers have uh okay
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yeah yeah no that was the that was the
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school that we got the DVDs from a Becca
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oh okay yeah yeah no it's it's I did a
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Becca I remember doing that the first
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handful of years uh for homeschooling
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and didn't do the DVDs we did we just
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had like the textbooks and stuff um but
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we hated it I don't know like
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collectively across my house we hated it
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like my Mom hated teaching it I hated
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learning it it just didn't it didn't hit
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right for us so it just became one of
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those things where by the end of high
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school because I I was homeschooled from
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uh yeah 8 years old through high school
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and so but within those couple years we
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pivoted a lot with like curriculum and
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stuff to the to the point where at the
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end it was like we had you know this
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type of math and that type of English
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and this type of science so it was never
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a collective you know one school teaches
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with all of their curriculum kind of a
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thing it was very like cherry-picked
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things which was cool because you know
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learning styles are different between
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people and so we could really cater you
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know also if someone's really good at
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something you could cater a little bit
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more towards like history if you want to
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I wanted to really learn about world
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wars one point so it was like did a
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whole you know year on World War history
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and stuff like that but anyway enough on
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me we'll get back to
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you so so the religion aspect is also
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really interesting like you said like
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the like girls not allowed to wear pants
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and things like that um
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that that's a tough bringing up just in
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general regardless of if you're
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homeschooled or not but so so I guess my
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my question in there I guess is is like
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were other so you obviously part of a
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church or some kind of religious group
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in your area were other kids
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homeschooled in your area as well like
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did you guys have a homeschool Community
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or was it very isolating very isolating
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we didn't have a good homeschool
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Community but we did our church was
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obviously small I think extreme groups
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like this tend to be pretty pretty tiny
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yeah um and everything just revolved
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around Church you know we did this would
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be like an actual normal schedule for us
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so uh Sunday morning we would get up
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very early at like 7:30 we would be on a
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bus going around picking up kids and
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bringing them to church we did a Sunday
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like a Sunday school service a Sunday
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morning service after Sunday morning
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service we would take all the kids home
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go back home we would eat be back at
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church for choir practice then we'd have
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a Sunday night service we had Wednesday
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night service all through being like a
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teenager we had a activity on usually
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Friday nights uh every Saturday door
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knocking I was out there two by two
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trying to share the good news of the
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gospel and it was really a proper
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part-time job really uh you know looking
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back at it it was very involved just
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everything revolved around church it was
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it was you know Church's life really
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right yeah I I kind of feel that I mean
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yeah when it's just like that's your
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whole society I mean that's your whole
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social experience as well where yeah
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like especially as a kid like if yeah if
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school is at home always and we're just
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kind of like stuck at home well that's
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the only time maybe you get to see other
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people and be outside yeah yeah it's a
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great way to get your kids to love
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church you know yeah exactly so wow
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that's
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um interestes like for sure I mean
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that's I mine was definitely not that as
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as fundamentalist um there's there's
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layers to it right there's like I
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definitely was involved in some churches
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that were a little bit more extreme like
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that and had those kind of I've talked
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in previous episodes about like in
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college I I would joke that I was in
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church like six days a week because we
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had like Chapel service
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and bible study and I served at a church
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and all that kind of stuff so I
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definitely I've had moments and times in
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my life where I I totally understand
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that like it's just a constant religion
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is the everything and then life is kind
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of this like secondary uh I don't want
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to say life is a secondary but life is
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kind of this like secondary thing you
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know your personal life is like a
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secondary thing to your church
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experience which can be stressful for
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sure no that's exactly right I mean you
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got to lay up for yourself Treasures in
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Heavens I mean all is temporary so why
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not you know there's no it makes sense
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so you mentioned to me previously that
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when you wait after after high school
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and graduation so you didn't have
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graduation didn't have a high school
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diploma that kind of a thing so setting
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off into the real world how was that
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transition because that's got to be I
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mean it's already scary uh you know to
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be 18 to be an adult to be getting out
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of the house but like you tack on this
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like you know School wasn't super great
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maybe didn't know a whole lot you know
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like what how was that I guess how was
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that transition well initially beautiful
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there there was a real time in my life
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of just Blissful ignorance where you
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don't even know what you don't know and
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you're so lost in the sauce it's it's
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fine and at a certain point it hit me
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pretty hard because I I really had this
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horrible Dynamic of one I was not book
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smart just generally like things about
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the world things about math things about
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English gr like I just actually didn't
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know these things mhm but it wasn't like
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you know I never really paid attention
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in school but I was just a hustler and I
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was on the streets making moves and I
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was like understood how the world worked
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I was also very Street stupid like I
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didn't have any worldly wisdom either so
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it was like a double screw really where
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I was just I was lost at how the world
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worked and I was objectively very very
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stupid so um initially it was fine but
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what really happened is starting to kind
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of move away from the religion aspect
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and just understanding outside of this
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very tight
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Circle all that's going on in the world
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uh yeah it was it was uh it was a lot I
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was very lost even to you know not even
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being young like 22 23 24 still just
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being you know out of control really in
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in a way where uh you know I was just so
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weird about everything H through you
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know not really F my own eyes I didn't
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have any experience with anything um I
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remember I I was a time I was probably
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like legitimately 20 years old and I was
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I found myself in a situation where I
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was in a in a car with friends and I
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just anytime I was around people I just
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felt really weird and I I remember maybe
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being like in a car with friends and
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just not like I didn't know what to do
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like people are talking being friendly
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just like joking around with friends and
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um I I would even Google stuff at times
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like how do you be cool with your
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friends like how are you supposed to act
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and you know because it was just yeah
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you felt very uh very lost so it was a
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an interesting transition well were you
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like right out of high school were you
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were you working were you was there any
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goal to pursue like higher education
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after or like what I guess like I I
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totally feel you where like when you
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kind of step outside of that bubble a
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little bit like the the social
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interaction and like learning to kind of
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like have friends and not be the weird
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the weird guy in the room could be
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tricky but like yeah I guess like what
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was what what were what was Chang in in
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your in your life I guess or was it like
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very much like I'm still at home I'm
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just kind of like quote unquote figuring
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life out at this point um so actually I
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I left home when I was probably 17 uh
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maybe you know turning 18 that year um
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and I I went to like a very small uh
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Bible Seminary because I was going to be
00:13:20
a youth pastor or you know some form of
00:13:22
a a pastor and I mean I was I was really
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bought into the whole thing and yeah if
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if this is all tempor temporary and and
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the only thing that matters is eternity
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what's the what's the the use in trying
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to get wealthy or trying to pursue
00:13:36
anything like Ministry is the only thing
00:13:39
um and so I I really you know I went
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down that rout route initially and I
00:13:43
actually got ordained as a minister so I
00:13:45
could legally do a wedding or a funeral
00:13:47
if you ever if you ever need to get
00:13:48
married or buried just holl at your boy
00:13:50
I'll hook you up gotcha and yeah so that
00:13:53
was kind of the original plan and um I
00:13:55
was working I had a buddy of mine we
00:13:57
were doing like a a you know own
00:13:59
business we were cleaning windows and
00:14:00
truck washing yeah and um we were just
00:14:03
kind of doing that and then that during
00:14:06
that time is when I kind of just started
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thinking a little bit differently
00:14:09
getting exposed to some different things
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and then you know kind of slowly making
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my way and and starting to realize
00:14:14
how this wasn't maybe the path for me
00:14:17
it's interesting how that transition
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happens where it's
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like even if you don't leave religion or
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or if you do but like just that TR that
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that period of time where like yeah for
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me 20 22 was like a big shifting year of
00:14:32
my life I was out of college I was like
00:14:35
on my own really living on my own like I
00:14:38
got married that year like but it was a
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big shift where
00:14:42
also that questioning comes into play
00:14:45
right where you're just like whoa like I
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don't know like I just had I felt like
00:14:50
so much had happened so quickly in my
00:14:52
life and I just had to sit there and
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really like mle over like what is this
00:14:58
like what what is it that that I believe
00:14:59
about who I am as a person who I like
00:15:02
what I believe like from a religious
00:15:04
perspective or my values or my you know
00:15:06
anything in life right and you just kind
00:15:08
of start to be like I've been taught all
00:15:10
these
00:15:10
things and yeah I think it's kind of
00:15:13
sometimes being out in the world a
00:15:14
little bit you get your first job like
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you said you interact with people who
00:15:17
maybe weren't a part of that right and
00:15:18
then you just kind of start to have
00:15:19
these like moments of just like oh whoa
00:15:23
like let me let me think about this like
00:15:25
let me chew on this a little bit and
00:15:26
like come back to you in a in a minute
00:15:29
you know what I mean
00:15:31
so yeah yeah you gota be careful asking
00:15:33
questions uh very strict religions they
00:15:35
don't like too many questions because
00:15:37
absolutely it really is it's there there
00:15:39
are so many things that just end up
00:15:40
happening just because we've always done
00:15:42
it that way or just because that's
00:15:44
what's right but then if you if you try
00:15:45
to take that down a couple layers like
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nobody has answers for for why it's
00:15:50
going on and that's um yeah it's a it's
00:15:52
a hard thing to get to a certain point
00:15:54
in your life where just you
00:15:56
realize is everything I about the world
00:15:59
is everything I know like is this all
00:16:01
not true is this like it's a really uh
00:16:04
shocking experience to to just have to
00:16:07
entertain those thoughts and um it's
00:16:10
yeah it's a scary thing really is there
00:16:12
a particular moment or event that just
00:16:15
kind of was that like I don't want to
00:16:17
say the breaking point for you but like
00:16:19
just that kind of kicked off that
00:16:22
thought process
00:16:24
because like for me I can I can very
00:16:26
vividly I talk about I've talked about
00:16:29
this couple times but in college I had a
00:16:30
a religions class and the professor came
00:16:32
in and and the first day was just asking
00:16:34
us basically to defend our faith you
00:16:37
know how do you know that this happened
00:16:38
in the Bible how do you know you know
00:16:40
yada y y and I and I always describe it
00:16:42
as like it's like a toddler who just
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can't stop asking why you know they
00:16:46
can't ask they keep asking their parent
00:16:47
why to the point where the parent either
00:16:49
gets frustrated or just is like I don't
00:16:51
know I genuinely just don't know um and
00:16:53
that's how I felt in that class and I
00:16:55
was like I just I don't know anymore and
00:16:57
so you know he was he was coming from a
00:16:59
perspective I want to push you to
00:17:01
understand why it is that you're
00:17:02
defending these things right and believe
00:17:03
it for yourself um but that was for me
00:17:07
what kicked off that was the catalyst so
00:17:10
did you have a moment like that that was
00:17:11
kind of that like yeah probably not like
00:17:14
a a very specific Line in the Sand I
00:17:16
think it it was a real transition
00:17:17
happened to me for a very long time even
00:17:19
to the extent of kind of going too far
00:17:21
one side and in a way you know even my
00:17:24
experience now is sort of been
00:17:26
navigating my way back in in certain
00:17:27
aspects um but I think it was an easy an
00:17:31
easy kind of break off of just realizing
00:17:33
oh I think this like religion in general
00:17:35
is just super extreme so many things
00:17:37
that they just do because they do but
00:17:39
you know generally the rest of this is
00:17:41
all good and and you know the
00:17:44
foundations are all true about it um and
00:17:46
I think through that process of just
00:17:47
kind of yeah trying to figure out what
00:17:50
exactly is going on it was one of the
00:17:52
very difficult things for me was I mean
00:17:54
I was I was firmly in believing all this
00:17:56
about you know bad and good and and sin
00:17:58
and right and wrong and uh it's tough
00:18:02
when you've been trained to to just
00:18:04
think everything is wrong I remember the
00:18:06
first time as like a full- grown adult
00:18:08
you know being in a movie theater and
00:18:10
and actually feeling bad and and
00:18:12
questioning myself and having the
00:18:14
thoughts like is this am I doing
00:18:15
something wrong here like is this sin is
00:18:17
this you know and so it's hard to kind
00:18:19
of have a an actual thermostat you know
00:18:24
an internal GA internal gauge of what is
00:18:26
actually morally wrong what do I
00:18:28
actually have issues with and what is
00:18:29
just you know ingrained in me that that
00:18:32
this is bad um that really took some
00:18:34
sorting and that was a lot of you know
00:18:37
kind of trial and error
00:18:39
yeah is there anything that you feel
00:18:42
like kind of helped you along that path
00:18:45
of just
00:18:47
like I don't know it could be a teacher
00:18:49
could be a you know or was it really
00:18:52
just kind of pushing yourself to be like
00:18:53
okay like let me
00:18:55
go
00:18:57
experience this thing I I the way you
00:19:00
describe it is almost like I think of
00:19:01
like you know Amish rum Springer right
00:19:03
where they said they send the youth out
00:19:05
and they're like you know go out in the
00:19:06
world and like go do kind of whatever
00:19:08
and then come back right um and I I have
00:19:12
moments like that too where yeah like
00:19:13
there were certain things growing up
00:19:15
that was like oh this is like kind of
00:19:17
wrong or like a morally gray area or
00:19:19
whatever U and then so you know you do
00:19:22
it and then you're like how do I yeah
00:19:24
why do I feel this way about it but well
00:19:26
I'll tell you the big thing that
00:19:27
happened for me this was like a very
00:19:29
real turning point in my life is um I
00:19:31
was it was just on YouTube and I came
00:19:33
across this Ted Talk and i' never heard
00:19:36
of Ted talk before and it was this lady
00:19:38
who was talking about just the fact like
00:19:40
your body and your mind are connected
00:19:42
and you can stimulate one and you'll
00:19:43
stimulate the other and and I remember
00:19:45
this she had us do this thing of kind of
00:19:47
correcting our posture and it actually
00:19:50
did what she said like it made me feel
00:19:51
different and I remember you know
00:19:54
admittedly I was an easy crowd back then
00:19:56
but I was just blown away I was like
00:19:58
what how do people know this stuff like
00:19:59
this just seemed like this forbidden
00:20:01
knowledge about how the world works and
00:20:04
uh I was like what is going on at Ted
00:20:06
Talk here so I think it was probably the
00:20:07
very next video was uh Tony Robbins you
00:20:11
know never heard of him before but he
00:20:13
came on and he started speaking just
00:20:14
about why people do what they do and
00:20:16
something very intuitively it just felt
00:20:19
like this guy knows something and I kind
00:20:22
of relate it to you know my entire life
00:20:23
I have heard so many preachers through
00:20:26
different conferences and camps and you
00:20:27
know weekly is and it was almost like
00:20:30
this preacher type of a figure that was
00:20:32
just different it almost felt like for
00:20:35
the first time in my life like an adult
00:20:37
spoke up and everybody else was like
00:20:39
children just the way they thought the
00:20:41
way they talked about stuff the way they
00:20:42
understood stuff uh it was very
00:20:44
impactful for me and so I looked into
00:20:46
more of him and I ended up buying two of
00:20:48
his programs uh one of his was get the
00:20:50
edge and the other one was personal
00:20:52
power um at the time these were you know
00:20:54
several hundred dollars they came in the
00:20:55
mail they showed up and um this was
00:20:57
definitely nothing like nobody was
00:20:59
spending money on education you know
00:21:01
outside of something biblical for sure
00:21:03
and uh going through those it was just
00:21:08
know I think the the self-help genre of
00:21:10
stuff gets gets a weird rap and there's
00:21:12
a lot of weird stuff that goes on in it
00:21:13
but um I owe a lot to Tony Robbins he
00:21:16
really changed my life in a way um and
00:21:19
it was just like yeah for the first time
00:21:20
just somebody really spoke life into me
00:21:23
of of understanding that hey the day is
00:21:25
going to happen whether you do something
00:21:26
with it or not here's how you do that
00:21:28
and you don't just have to drift through
00:21:30
your life like you can create it here's
00:21:32
how you figure out what you want and
00:21:33
here's how you can build a plan to go
00:21:35
get it and um yeah it was very it was
00:21:38
very good for me and it also was maybe
00:21:42
the first thing that I really learned
00:21:44
that sparked this idea that I actually
00:21:46
like learning because because I
00:21:47
definitely had this idea of myself that
00:21:48
I'm kind of a stupid person in a way and
00:21:51
I just don't like school uh and probably
00:21:53
because I was just comparing it to
00:21:54
sitting there watching this wacky
00:21:57
science class or or playing a video game
00:21:59
you know right and um and so I I
00:22:02
realized I actually do like learning and
00:22:04
I I you know maybe certain things I
00:22:05
don't like learning and I I didn't have
00:22:07
too much interest in like going back to
00:22:09
school for anything but um it it sparked
00:22:12
something in me of just like yeah I
00:22:13
actually do like learning stuff and it
00:22:15
set me on this path of just being able
00:22:17
to figure out all the things I was
00:22:18
lacking and then just in a kind of a
00:22:20
strategic way just figuring out like how
00:22:22
can I communicate how can I figure out
00:22:23
how to dress and talk and navigate the
00:22:25
world and communicate with people and um
00:22:28
you know just step by step but yeah that
00:22:29
was a very not nobody in person I guess
00:22:32
but um that that was a very real time in
00:22:34
my life that set me on a different path
00:22:36
yeah no I I feel that I think that's
00:22:40
been a big game changer for me too is a
00:22:41
lot of those kind of like I I agree with
00:22:43
you that self-help sometimes gets a bad
00:22:45
rap but uh you should there's some weird
00:22:47
stuff out there yeah there's there's
00:22:48
definitely some some weird weird ones
00:22:50
out there but uh but no I I agree with
00:22:53
you that like sometimes even just taking
00:22:55
one little thing from somebody like Tony
00:22:57
Robbins or you know you can take that
00:22:59
and that can be an impact moment that
00:23:01
just kind of feeds you enough to get you
00:23:03
to shift that thinking a little bit and
00:23:05
I was going to ask you about the
00:23:07
education thing of like you know did you
00:23:09
have a realization of like okay I'm
00:23:11
lacking this education and then but like
00:23:13
like you said you you had felt like okay
00:23:15
maybe I'm stupid I don't like to learn
00:23:18
you know and then that was shifting
00:23:19
where you were like okay now like I like
00:23:21
to learn so when it came to okay now I
00:23:24
got to kind of learn some of this stuff
00:23:26
that maybe I missed to some degree right
00:23:28
you know everyone's got to kind of do
00:23:29
some basic know how to do some basic
00:23:31
math and basic English and have a
00:23:33
general idea of science but like how was
00:23:36
that to kind of like pivot back to those
00:23:39
things and go okay like now I kind of
00:23:41
get to research these things on my own
00:23:43
terms and try to find the information I
00:23:45
need like what what was that like well
00:23:49
it was very it was just very specific
00:23:51
and very targeted because again I wasn't
00:23:53
like this I was in like my early 20s I
00:23:55
wasn't like a young I was too old to be
00:23:59
this lost and uh what was really
00:24:02
exciting and interesting to me and and
00:24:03
even through to today I I probably you
00:24:05
know if you put me on are You Smarter
00:24:07
Than A Fifth Grader I probably wouldn't
00:24:08
do very well and because some of those
00:24:10
just like foundational things I actually
00:24:12
just never learned them and I just never
00:24:14
really wanted to go back and learn them
00:24:15
either and it turns out a lot of things
00:24:17
aren't that important right um you know
00:24:20
depending on what you're doing I guess
00:24:21
for for your life um so yeah for me it
00:24:24
was much more just kind of figuring out
00:24:26
like more like just skill sets and and
00:24:29
and tactical things because I was really
00:24:32
I was playing catchup you know quite a
00:24:34
bit so yeah just very self-directed and
00:24:36
um I've spent a lot of money online just
00:24:38
buying education buying programs and um
00:24:41
you know in a way just maybe an
00:24:43
alternate path to to learning but um
00:24:47
yeah just was sort of the path that I
00:24:49
was set on there so yeah no I I feel you
00:24:52
I mean I went to college I did I did
00:24:54
College in three years it was like it it
00:24:56
was great and I don't regret it but I
00:24:58
also there's so many things that I
00:25:01
hadn't learned that now for my career I
00:25:05
I'm like YouTube University taught me so
00:25:08
much or like buying that online course
00:25:10
of like how to be a podcast editor or
00:25:12
how to do this specific thing or how to
00:25:14
whatever like it has taught me so much
00:25:16
more College was good for me I think
00:25:19
from a social aspect of it it gave me
00:25:21
more of the
00:25:23
tools to be a social person and learn
00:25:25
how to kind of like not be not to overdo
00:25:28
it but also learn learn the balance of
00:25:31
like how not to overdo it how not to
00:25:34
underdo it just kind of hopefully sit in
00:25:35
the room and be cool I wanted to work in
00:25:37
the music business industry and I had a
00:25:40
professor who was just like always like
00:25:42
Jacob you got to chill like you just got
00:25:43
to be like you know when everyone's in
00:25:45
the room together like we're just cool
00:25:46
like it's just you know if everyone's
00:25:48
drinking like if you don't want to drink
00:25:50
that's okay but like you got to get a
00:25:51
drink that looks like you could be
00:25:53
drinking you know like that kind of
00:25:54
thing and so um it it was an interesting
00:25:59
like that was an interesting part of I
00:26:01
think college education for me was like
00:26:03
mostly just that learning of like the
00:26:04
social element of it and being outside
00:26:06
of it I also went to a religious college
00:26:08
so I was still kind of baked into some
00:26:10
of that some of that weirdness but um
00:26:14
but it yeah it set me up I think a lot
00:26:15
better for like now where it's like you
00:26:18
know I I also know you know you figure
00:26:20
out how to go seek out the information
00:26:22
that you need which I think is is
00:26:25
important in life you know well yeah
00:26:27
it's a beautiful time if you're going to
00:26:28
get kind of jipped out of an education
00:26:30
because everything's readily available
00:26:32
you know if I was a couple Generations
00:26:33
ago and the same thing happened to me I
00:26:35
probably would be on a very different
00:26:36
Lifeline without a without a way out so
00:26:39
yeah you can Bounce It Up to special
00:26:41
times we're living in I was gonna say I
00:26:43
was gonna ask to so now that
00:26:46
you're we're a little ways removed now
00:26:49
from homeschooling and and things like
00:26:52
that and you know if you
00:26:55
could go back and maybe have more of a
00:26:58
say in like designing your education or
00:27:01
what you would do is there anything that
00:27:03
would you would say okay I think this
00:27:05
would have really been cool or this
00:27:07
would have been helpful for me or just
00:27:09
structured it in a better way or maybe
00:27:11
it's just hey I would have just done
00:27:13
better going to an actual school yeah no
00:27:15
it's a really interesting question I
00:27:16
think and this is something I had to
00:27:18
kind of battle with because uh most
00:27:20
people around me like my age you know
00:27:22
growing up even the the church we went
00:27:24
to had a very small Christian School
00:27:26
there um you know not much bigger than
00:27:29
like a home school basically and it kind
00:27:33
of generally there's like three camps of
00:27:35
of you know all of us that were in my
00:27:37
age group where the majority of people
00:27:39
seem like they kind of just defected
00:27:40
hard where they had these realizations
00:27:42
of just like how messed up everything
00:27:44
was and how weird it was and they just
00:27:46
felt so behind and stuff and then they
00:27:48
just uh did crazy things got into weird
00:27:51
relationships had weird things happening
00:27:53
addictions like they just really went
00:27:55
off a bad path and a very small portion
00:27:59
kind of stayed in it and they're still
00:28:00
sipping the Kool-Aid and you know still
00:28:02
doing it and um you know and then and
00:28:04
then some of us kind of seem to find our
00:28:06
way out and and navigate the world and
00:28:08
um it was a thing for me of I was going
00:28:10
through a program once where it was
00:28:12
having us just go back and kind of
00:28:14
rethink of our childhood here and then
00:28:16
just kind of almost rewrite it as
00:28:19
something that that's purposeful and
00:28:21
important and it was when I was doing
00:28:23
this it really hit me hard that things
00:28:26
just happen like things are neutral for
00:28:29
the most part and then we come in and we
00:28:31
say this was good that was bad that was
00:28:33
exciting that was blah blah blah you
00:28:34
know we put all of our spins on it and
00:28:36
it's just fugazi like it's not real it's
00:28:38
just whatever we decide that it is and
00:28:42
going back to the homeschooling thing
00:28:43
you know there was a real time where I
00:28:44
sat down and I really thought about this
00:28:46
and and yeah yeah objectively you know
00:28:48
kind of just left to myself and got
00:28:50
jipped out of an education and and grew
00:28:52
up super weird and super religious and
00:28:53
all these things and instead of it just
00:28:56
being this horrible thing that now I
00:28:58
can't do this now I can't do that and
00:29:01
you know being a little negative Nelly
00:29:02
about it um it just kind of rewrote it
00:29:04
in my own mind as this is like uh this
00:29:06
is like this is my thing everybody's got
00:29:08
their things nobody has a perfect
00:29:10
anything and this is my thing like this
00:29:12
is what makes me unique and this is what
00:29:14
makes me you know like an interesting
00:29:15
part of of my story that I yeah found a
00:29:18
way out you know was on this path did it
00:29:20
this way um and in a way kind of a
00:29:23
superpower where uh I'm not a part of
00:29:26
the system like I'm very much like a
00:29:28
professional Outsider you know we didn't
00:29:30
grow up going to like hospitals we
00:29:31
didn't grow up doing like anything in
00:29:33
the mainstream or anything like in
00:29:35
normal world and um I think it gave me
00:29:38
like the ability to just think
00:29:39
differently and to choose differently
00:29:40
and to make different decisions where
00:29:42
you know maybe on a different Lifeline I
00:29:43
go to school get pressured and going to
00:29:45
college find myself four years later in
00:29:47
college with a crazy amount of debt
00:29:49
doing something that I don't know if I
00:29:50
even want to do and now I can't do other
00:29:52
things or have freedoms because I have
00:29:54
to get this job because I've all this
00:29:55
Deb and D D D D and then I'm 40 years
00:29:57
old and you know have this midlife
00:29:59
crisis that I'm I'm just didn't choose
00:30:01
my life and you know that's a very real
00:30:04
Lifeline couldn't be me you know I
00:30:06
missed it I I'm very far outside of that
00:30:09
so um I think going back I wouldn't
00:30:11
change anything like it was a I think
00:30:14
experience is great and it's Unique and
00:30:16
it's different and not that I'm unique
00:30:17
or different but we all have unique
00:30:19
different things and there they're part
00:30:22
of who we are and it's what makes us who
00:30:24
we are and uh yeah I don't really ever
00:30:26
think about changing it but I probably
00:30:27
wouldn't change it anything
00:30:29
just keep it the way it is I guess
00:30:31
that's such an interesting I love the
00:30:33
reframe that you that you put on that of
00:30:36
like like things just happen and then we
00:30:40
kind of dictate to some degree the good
00:30:42
the bad the the the neutral elements of
00:30:44
it and we get to figure out how you know
00:30:47
because yeah it'd be very easy for you
00:30:49
to get mad about this thing happened to
00:30:52
me and it's caused this and it's set me
00:30:54
back and I could be so much further and
00:30:55
I could be doing this or I could be that
00:30:57
you know
00:30:59
but that's such an interesting reframe
00:31:00
to say no like these things happened but
00:31:03
it's part of my unique story that makes
00:31:05
me who I am today that's so I I really I
00:31:09
like that I think
00:31:11
that's it's just intriguing I guess as
00:31:14
what I'm coming to
00:31:16
and because
00:31:18
that's one of the things I've heard
00:31:21
quite a bit from people who have
00:31:22
listened to the show um is they they
00:31:25
they talk about they're like there's
00:31:27
this neutral level to the way I'm trying
00:31:31
try attempting to present things and
00:31:33
because the the the tagline for the show
00:31:36
is The Good the Bad and the Ugly of
00:31:38
homeschooling and the goal is I want to
00:31:40
share people's stories like yourself and
00:31:43
I want them to share it from their
00:31:44
perspective and if they have the
00:31:46
negative spin on it they've got the
00:31:47
negative spin on it and I'm not going to
00:31:48
sit here and try to convince them that
00:31:50
it really wasn't bad right and if they
00:31:51
have a really positive spin on it then
00:31:52
they have a positive spin on not going
00:31:54
to try to convince them that it was the
00:31:55
opposite right um and so I think that
00:31:58
that's an
00:31:59
interesting like I said I think that's
00:32:01
really in line with where the show is at
00:32:04
of just we all have our unique stories
00:32:06
and there's there's some good there's
00:32:07
some bad there's some ugly but like it's
00:32:10
uniquely what makes you who you are
00:32:12
today um and so yeah so thank you for
00:32:15
sharing that that was awesome yeah yeah
00:32:18
yeah no no you're very welcome and yeah
00:32:20
it's I've really learned to appreciate
00:32:21
just differences as well I think it's
00:32:22
interesting how there's just such a
00:32:24
cookie cutter thing of like the way
00:32:25
things are supposed to be or the way
00:32:26
that you're supposed to look or the way
00:32:27
you're supposed to this and um these
00:32:30
differences are very cool like it's very
00:32:31
cool that people are different shapes
00:32:32
and sizes and different looks and
00:32:33
different backgrounds and all this stuff
00:32:35
and um if you're not careful the world
00:32:37
just has this cookie cutter thing that
00:32:40
oh I don't you know I'm not this height
00:32:42
or I'm not I don't look like this or you
00:32:43
know and all of a sudden this is this
00:32:45
thing that just weighs you down and you
00:32:46
have to take that that weight with you
00:32:48
all through life uh it it doesn't have
00:32:50
to be that way it it's really it's it's
00:32:52
fake you know it's it's yeah it's not
00:32:55
real you brought up something too that I
00:32:57
kind I wanted to ask you about was the
00:33:01
so for for others who also kind of maybe
00:33:04
grew up in whether it's a home school or
00:33:05
just a restrictive religion or some an
00:33:07
environment like that and and coming out
00:33:10
of that we talked a little bit about the
00:33:12
ping ponging right where you go from
00:33:14
like I'm really over here on the
00:33:15
spectrum of religion and and we follow
00:33:17
the rules to I'm going to swing all the
00:33:19
way over here and it's kind of the
00:33:22
it's maybe in the moment it feels a lot
00:33:24
better but maybe it's also very
00:33:25
destructive and unhealthy right and so
00:33:28
you talked about kind of finding that
00:33:29
middle ground of and and maybe kind of
00:33:31
bringing yourself back to that place is
00:33:35
there anything that you found that's
00:33:38
helped in kind of that unlearning and
00:33:40
that creating that like going from one
00:33:42
unhealthy Habit to another maybe
00:33:44
unhealthy place and then kind of coming
00:33:45
maybe to like a middle ground that has
00:33:48
just helped you it could be a ritual it
00:33:50
could be a practice it could be you know
00:33:51
it could be anything like that yeah yeah
00:33:53
no it it's actually very interesting
00:33:55
because um I think with this like Ping
00:33:57
Pong are trying to figure stuff out it
00:33:59
it's uh for whatever reason and this
00:34:02
might just be something actual like
00:34:04
physical and outside of us that we just
00:34:05
have different aptitudes for things
00:34:07
because I think there are people that
00:34:08
might get out there and like been
00:34:09
sheltered from stuff their entire life
00:34:11
and then maybe they try something like
00:34:12
cocaine and it is just
00:34:14
like something about that is just like
00:34:16
this trigger for them and that's like
00:34:17
their besetting sin and they get they
00:34:19
find their way into it and it just ruins
00:34:20
everything or or alcohol or whatever it
00:34:23
is um and then I think for other people
00:34:25
they can smoke something like marijuana
00:34:27
and it's just like like no issue and
00:34:28
it's like not their thing and it's you
00:34:30
know um so I think there is an aspect if
00:34:32
you're trying to like navigate the world
00:34:34
especially young is just keeping in your
00:34:35
mind that there are certain things that
00:34:37
should just be off the table for you and
00:34:38
be very careful as you just what what
00:34:40
you are opening yourself up to and it
00:34:43
was never you know I I never had this
00:34:45
like sewing my Wild Oats of just feeling
00:34:47
like I missed on these things so I just
00:34:49
need to go out there and just like do
00:34:50
crazy stuff like I always felt like it
00:34:51
was my life and I want to be smart and I
00:34:53
I want to do weird things and I don't
00:34:55
want to have like you know I don't know
00:34:57
crazy stuff happened to me um and with
00:35:00
you know so I've explored a lot of stuff
00:35:01
and I've done a lot of different things
00:35:02
and uh I I feel like yeah I've never
00:35:05
gotten into a weird situation in that
00:35:07
side other than maybe you know for small
00:35:10
periods of time just doing like some
00:35:11
pretty extreme partying or or you know a
00:35:13
little bit of a different lifestyle than
00:35:14
I would want to keep up with um but you
00:35:17
know I think that's more so just being
00:35:19
young and and out there in the world and
00:35:21
just navigating stuff um but in in terms
00:35:25
of um you know a big ping pong thing for
00:35:28
me was it was about even like religion
00:35:30
of just like uh being a Jesus freak on
00:35:33
one side and then eventually even going
00:35:35
back to the complete opposite side is
00:35:37
like is there no higher power did this
00:35:40
all happen by natural processes like is
00:35:42
Ser this like we just live and we die
00:35:45
and that's it like yeah um and this is
00:35:49
this was a real brain breaking just kind
00:35:50
of like a fascinating thing of trying to
00:35:51
figure out like what is going on here
00:35:53
like did we the people I grew up with it
00:35:55
feels like they don't have the answ for
00:35:57
Stuff so I feel like that can't be it uh
00:36:00
at least not proper um and all these
00:36:02
other people feel different ways about
00:36:03
everything and and trying to navigate
00:36:04
that uh was was very interesting and
00:36:08
that some of that took me to some some
00:36:10
dark places of just some nihilistic type
00:36:12
stuff and some things that I I felt
00:36:14
weren't very empowering at all um you
00:36:17
know but that was a yeah that was a very
00:36:19
interesting thing um to try and navigate
00:36:22
and maybe if I can say one more thing
00:36:23
while me app in here um you know I I
00:36:26
feel like if you if you grew up and you
00:36:29
can relate to me like just literally
00:36:31
like Ultra religious just kind of normal
00:36:35
stuff that you're supposed to experience
00:36:37
you never experienced it and as you're
00:36:38
getting into your 20s you're kind of
00:36:40
experiencing stuff that you should have
00:36:41
experienced in your teenage life and and
00:36:43
no Sports and no like just normal stuff
00:36:45
you're supposed to do I think um and
00:36:48
something that helped me a lot is uh
00:36:50
because there's levels to it we are far
00:36:52
removed from it now so I have a much
00:36:54
different frame of mind and I've worked
00:36:55
through some of these things and I think
00:36:57
you you develop more empathy as you get
00:36:58
older and you when you're young you've
00:37:00
never really experienced stuff so you
00:37:01
don't know how hard the world is and as
00:37:03
you get older and you have to deal with
00:37:04
stuff and you realize how hard it is
00:37:06
just to be an adult sometimes or how
00:37:08
hard it is just to get through the day
00:37:10
sometimes you start to have more empathy
00:37:11
for the way people did things when you
00:37:13
were younger and kind of learning how to
00:37:17
transition out of stuff I think it's
00:37:18
very important to just make your peace
00:37:21
and and not hold on to things that you
00:37:22
feel like people did against you because
00:37:25
you know with my parents I I genuinely
00:37:27
feel like they just did the best they
00:37:28
could with what they had and you can't
00:37:30
expect somebody to give you something
00:37:32
that they don't have and a realization
00:37:34
that helped me out a lot was just
00:37:35
looking at my parents and realizing if I
00:37:37
look at their parents my grandparents
00:37:39
like they are objectively better people
00:37:42
than them they just went further they
00:37:44
know things they don't know like they're
00:37:45
better people and if I know things that
00:37:47
they don't know and if I'm objectively
00:37:49
better than them and I make better
00:37:50
decisions than them you know it's the
00:37:53
I'm standing on the shoulders of giants
00:37:55
thinking I'm flying it's nothing to to
00:37:57
hold against them something to to have
00:38:00
disparagement towards them is just yeah
00:38:03
maybe they were very sincere about stuff
00:38:05
and maybe very sincerely wrong but uh
00:38:09
it's nothing to hold on to it's
00:38:10
something to really let go of and that
00:38:11
helps uh that helps with how you're
00:38:13
making decisions and how you're
00:38:14
navigating I 100% agree I had both both
00:38:17
of my parents have come on the show and
00:38:19
and we talked about them being our
00:38:22
teachers and and why they chose to
00:38:24
homeschool and all of that and and one
00:38:26
of the things that my mom brings up
00:38:28
constantly is she's like I was not a
00:38:30
healthy person when I started
00:38:31
homeschooling you emotionally sure and
00:38:34
that comes through in the ways and and
00:38:36
there's so many things she's like I
00:38:37
would you know I could go back and
00:38:39
change this I I would you know th those
00:38:40
types of things and and yeah but I tell
00:38:43
her I'm like but you did what you could
00:38:46
at the time right and you did what you
00:38:49
thought was best yeah plain and simple
00:38:51
of course you would change certain
00:38:52
things now of course who would you know
00:38:55
um but it's been cool because the more
00:38:58
we can talk about that now is like like
00:39:00
you said it's iterative I know that my
00:39:03
parents are arguably better parents than
00:39:06
their parents were and hopefully I will
00:39:08
be a better person because I want to
00:39:10
change the things that I didn't like
00:39:12
about what my parents did right and so
00:39:15
and what's cool too is that if you also
00:39:18
have this is for the parents listening
00:39:21
if you as a parent are able to also kind
00:39:23
of have that open mindset of like I am
00:39:25
also willing to learn and not just be
00:39:27
stuck in this but have conversation
00:39:29
around it and like also continue to grow
00:39:31
as a human being like I'm seeing my kids
00:39:34
do holy that like that will rock
00:39:37
the world too um my parents and I have
00:39:40
been able to have so many deep
00:39:41
conversations about like the most just
00:39:45
just stuff just life you know um and we
00:39:48
still disagree on a lot but the fact
00:39:51
that they're willing to sit down with me
00:39:52
and at least have that conversation and
00:39:54
try to understand where I'm coming from
00:39:56
because I've done more of the Ping
00:39:58
ponging back and forth or swinging right
00:40:01
it it
00:40:02
it it's been helpful in our relationship
00:40:04
and actually keeping up that
00:40:05
relationship but it's also helped me not
00:40:08
hold that Grudge like you were talking
00:40:09
about and just be like you guys did the
00:40:11
best you could and I'm not going to be
00:40:12
angry or upset or hold that against you
00:40:15
just going to acknowledge that you did
00:40:17
the best you could you're my parents I
00:40:19
love
00:40:20
you let's let's still do life together
00:40:22
right and that's hard really that's
00:40:24
really special to have and I think you
00:40:26
know if if if you're not in that
00:40:27
situation that definitely wasn't my
00:40:29
situation I uh you know there's a lot of
00:40:31
cognitive dissonance that comes with
00:40:34
being so ingrained into some kind of a
00:40:35
religion especially abely just in
00:40:37
general but um yeah those kind of
00:40:39
conversations would never you know and
00:40:42
I've definitely tried to think more
00:40:43
through about why we do certain things
00:40:45
and you can almost trying to think
00:40:47
differently or trying to just pose
00:40:49
certain questions you can just see in
00:40:50
people you know just just like the the
00:40:53
switch turn off like it's just not there
00:40:56
um so it's very I can imagine beautiful
00:40:59
to get some of that resolution and to
00:41:00
get some of that you know almost not
00:41:02
feeling like you're being
00:41:03
gaslighted um uh you know from them but
00:41:07
um for maybe somebody who's listening
00:41:08
who doesn't have that and doesn't have
00:41:10
that relationship and can't get that
00:41:11
just know it's still something you can
00:41:12
just let go of and something you don't
00:41:14
have to take with you life's better for
00:41:16
it because yeah I hung it around for a
00:41:17
while and you know you can lay down
00:41:20
those weapons there's there's no there's
00:41:21
no fight here yeah I just don't want to
00:41:23
make it out to seem like oh my gosh like
00:41:26
you know we don't agree we we still
00:41:28
disagree on quite a few things and there
00:41:30
are moments like that where yeah but you
00:41:32
know and I think that that's where the
00:41:35
power of community comes in where it's
00:41:37
like we also have the ability as
00:41:39
individuals to go seek out people who do
00:41:41
agree with us you know and um on some of
00:41:44
those things and create kind of a new
00:41:45
family so to speak uh around those
00:41:48
things and that's that's part of what
00:41:49
this community right here is all about
00:41:51
is is hopefully bringing some of those
00:41:53
people together where we can share some
00:41:55
like-mindedness you know we can also
00:41:56
have a agreements but we can have maybe
00:41:58
open dialogue about those things and and
00:42:01
share it because I think a lot of us we
00:42:02
went through very similar things so
00:42:04
maybe it's trauma bonding uh exactly
00:42:07
right maybe that's what it is um but
00:42:10
yeah so dude corbs this has been awesome
00:42:12
I really appreciate you coming on and
00:42:14
and sharing your story uh with with my
00:42:17
audience it was great to be here man
00:42:19
thanks for having me and no there there
00:42:21
is something right about that trauma
00:42:22
bonding and that that's why when I saw
00:42:23
you I reached out just because I think
00:42:26
not that nobody's homeschooled but yeah
00:42:27
in my day-to-day life like there's
00:42:29
nobody that I I talk to about this like
00:42:32
even like some of these stories or
00:42:33
reliving some of this stuff it just
00:42:34
seems like a proper lifetime ago and
00:42:37
just even try to think through these
00:42:39
things again uh you know haven't even
00:42:40
been there in so long and um and even if
00:42:43
I do talk about it somebody if it comes
00:42:44
up for some reason you know nobody knows
00:42:46
the struggle but yeah uh you know you
00:42:48
and I'm sure a lot of people listening
00:42:50
you know yeah we all we all walk those
00:42:52
that same path together so yeah it it's
00:42:55
we can all find some common ity in it I
00:42:58
think is the reality of it is like yeah
00:43:00
my home school experience very different
00:43:01
than yours but there's there's some
00:43:04
common threads there and um and that's
00:43:07
that's where we can come together and be
00:43:10
a community right and so um is there
00:43:12
anything before Before I Let You Go is
00:43:14
there anything you want to shout out is
00:43:16
there any other memories is there
00:43:17
anywhere people can go find you support
00:43:18
you I don't know like anything you want
00:43:21
to let the people know this is your
00:43:23
moment to shine sure sure yeah yeah no
00:43:26
no uh probably not not support and
00:43:28
probably no reason to to find me with
00:43:29
anything um but yeah good to be on and
00:43:33
uh I'll I'll uh probably don't have a
00:43:35
good parting word to leave everybody
00:43:37
with but it was great to chat with you
00:43:39
and it was great to be here and uh yeah
00:43:41
I I really enjoyed the conversation so
00:43:42
thanks for having me I appreciate it so
00:43:44
much and for my audience you guys if you
00:43:47
enjoyed this episode you know leave a
00:43:49
like leave a subscribe you know five
00:43:51
stars if you will um unless it was
00:43:53
terrible but it wasn't terrible I corbs
00:43:55
is amazing so give him a five stars guys
00:43:58
he deserves it
00:43:59
um but uh if you want to interact with
00:44:02
our community there's a ton of ways to
00:44:03
do that they're all linked down in the
00:44:05
show notes down in the descriptions but
00:44:07
we've got we've got Reddit now we I'm
00:44:09
working on a newsletter that's coming
00:44:10
really soon um Instagram Tik Tok all of
00:44:13
the all the places you they're down
00:44:16
there okay they're down there click on
00:44:17
them subscribe wherever you feel like
00:44:19
your community exists we can find it uh
00:44:22
we also actively in a book club right
00:44:24
now so we are reading a book called when
00:44:27
religion hurts you by the time this
00:44:28
episode comes out it probably the book
00:44:30
club for that book is probably over but
00:44:33
if you want to keep reading books with
00:44:35
us that also exists out there as well so
00:44:38
yeah and if you've got any questions you
00:44:40
can hit me up exhs Club on Instagram
00:44:43
threads Tik Tok my DMs are open or shoot
00:44:45
me an email exhs [email protected]
00:44:48
and uh yeah I promise I don't buy Corps
00:44:51
can attest to this he reached out to me
00:44:52
I didn't bite um but this has been the
00:44:56
XOM School is club and uh until next
00:44:58
week all right we'll see you peace
00:45:02
[Music]
00:45:13
[Music]
