00:00:03
happy holidays my ex- homies it's your friend Jacob Gooden the host of the best
00:00:07
ex- homeschooler podcast this side of the internet that is the ex- homeschoolers club and man oh man we are
00:00:13
winding down 2024 this is the last episode of the year I'm so stoked for it you got me today it's going to be a solo
00:00:19
episode I told you that December was the month of the goodin and I'm delivering
00:00:24
okay so first week of December you got an interview with my mom second week you got an interview with my dad and here we
00:00:30
are in the third week you're getting an interview with me then we're taking a
00:00:32
week off cuz we're going to celebrate Christmas and um so what are we going to talk about today what am I
00:00:39
sharing well today I'm sh sharing my religious experience my Christian Journey um if
00:00:48
you will and I really wrestled with this episode because when I started this podcast I
00:00:55
really felt like yeah we're going to touch on faith and religion a little bit
00:00:58
we have to right but I didn't never really want to share my story not because I'm ashamed of it or anything
00:01:04
like that but I just kind of wrestled with it and The more I've done this show
00:01:10
The more I've realized that my religious experience is so tied into my homeschool Journey that I would
00:01:17
be doing myself a disservice and I'd be doing you guys a disservice if I didn't
00:01:21
explain the things that I believed during my homeschool time and then now as an adult the things that I believe
00:01:28
today so we're going to do that but before we do uh I got a couple things first and
00:01:35
foremost I wanted to say thank you if you've been a listener a watcher a commenter uh somebody who's followed me
00:01:41
on social media thank you so much you've made this show what it is today it's
00:01:46
been far greater of an experience than I could ever imagine I really thought the
00:01:51
show would do nothing I think that's what every podcaster says when they get
00:01:54
started is that they they can't imagine their show actually uh getting views and
00:02:00
and listens um but this show has definitely done so much more than even just that right those are vanity numbers
00:02:06
but the connections the the reconnections I've made with people right and and the new connections with
00:02:12
other homeschool kids have been absolutely amazing so thank you thank you thank you so much I I can't tell you
00:02:19
words can't even describe how grateful I am for each and every one of you truly that being said I've got a favor
00:02:26
to ask actually two one is that if you like the show and you listen to it on the regular maybe you share it with a
00:02:33
friend you know send it their way during this holiday season say hey you've got
00:02:38
some time I know you've got some time CU it's holiday break uh take a listen see
00:02:43
what you think maybe reconnect with some old homeschool friends and um yeah do that if you wouldn't mind I would
00:02:50
greatly appreciate it the second thing is I want to hear from you guys I want to know how I can continue to make the
00:02:55
show better um I want to know guests that you want to have on topics you want to discuss I want to know if we were to
00:03:01
build a community outside somewhere whether it's Reddit or Discord or slack or I don't know WhatsApp something like
00:03:07
that um I want to know so I have a quick survey it's going to be the top Link in
00:03:12
the description in the show notes whatever it's going to be down there somewhere okay just click down there
00:03:18
okay and uh it's six questions okay it's super easy one of them is your email
00:03:23
which probably will AutoFill in the second one is your name super easy and then I've got a couple questions about
00:03:28
stuff about the show so if you don't mind fill that out for me I greatly greatly appreciate it it helps me so
00:03:33
much and uh yeah so those are the my two favors the third thing I wanted to say before uh we get started is that I'm
00:03:44
really nervous uh about this episode it's been a lot harder to prep for this episode than I think any other
00:03:53
episode that I've done including the Purity culture one and I know Purity culture touched a lot on religion but um
00:04:00
this one is just much more personal because it's my experience and I know that when you share your religious
00:04:07
experiences on the internet it opens you up to criticism when you share anything on the internet
00:04:12
it opens you up to criticism it opens you up to hate it opens you up to people being allowed to say whatever they want
00:04:18
about you and so I have I have wrestled with that um I've shared some of my religious stuff online
00:04:30
before and I've had hurtful comments thrown my way and I don't know it's just
00:04:35
it it's been something that's been scary for me I guess is what I'm trying to say
00:04:40
so I guess my third favor that I have to ask is that if you do want to comment and you do want to engage with this like
00:04:47
please be loving be gentle be kind um you know this is my corner of the internet and I do reserve the right to
00:04:55
if you're going to be mean and hateful like you will get blocked I I don't care
00:05:00
I'm open to having discussion and I'm open to disagreement um what I'm not
00:05:05
open to is hate just being thrown for Hate's sake so um yeah I don't know really how else to
00:05:14
say that I I don't expect there to be hate but you know you never know I guess
00:05:19
that's what I'm trying to say so enough of me stalling I guess let's kind of get
00:05:23
into my story and man this is a lot harder than I expected so where does my Christian Journey begin
00:05:36
let's let's start there I guess so growing up I I I remember always going to church I have my Christian my
00:05:46
my parents are Christians um they they were they are um Christians they still go to church to this day and so I just
00:05:54
remember going to church that was just a consistent thing in my life for pretty much my entire life and I want to say
00:06:01
when I was around the age of between 6 and 8 and I know my parents can probably uh confirm or deny if this is correct or
00:06:10
not but um my there was a Billy Graham crusade that came to town somewhere and my my dad took me and my sister and my
00:06:19
grandpa and we went to this Billy gram Crusade now um a part of the biligram organization they have uh salty the
00:06:27
singing song book and he is basically or they are I'm not even sure what salty is but uh salty is
00:06:36
basically Barney Christian ified I guess um it's this gigantic book with arms and legs
00:06:44
and eyes um that dances around and sings songs and it's yeah it's basically
00:06:50
Christian Barney um for lack of a better term but at the end of the show they did
00:06:56
an alter call and I remember tugging on my dad's shirt and I and saying Hey I
00:07:00
want to go down there um and I want to accept Jesus into my heart and so we did and he took me down there and one of the
00:07:08
team uh members that was down there kind of walked me through the ABCs of becoming a Christian and um which is to
00:07:15
uh a is to admit um your sins B was to to uh accept and believe in Jesus Christ uh and C was confess uh your faith uh in
00:07:27
Jesus's Savior and Lord and so I remember vividly doing that and I remember I don't I don't even like I
00:07:35
can't again it's so vivid In My Memory it's hard to even describe I just
00:07:39
remember being a can and doing this and really believing for the first time ever
00:07:43
that I was like I'm a Christian I believe in Jesus and um so yeah so that happened and I won't
00:07:52
say that much changed in my life like I still just went to church and Sunday school and did church activities and
00:07:59
things like that and so I don't like I said I don't really remember it changing
00:08:03
a whole lot did VBS and um I was just like a normal Church kid right and so during that time it was just kind of
00:08:11
like I guess building the foundation of my faith right I read the Bible and do Bible studies with friends and and all
00:08:19
that kind of stuff and so a few years later past that I want to say between eight and 10 years old uh is
00:08:27
when I got baptized and again my choice my parents never forced me to do any of this
00:08:35
um but I chose to get baptized in that is you know you presenting to your church saying I I'm choosing to live a
00:08:43
Christian lifestyle and you know I want to walk with God basically and uh so yeah so I remember doing that I at the
00:08:51
time we went to a little Baptist Church in the oh Valley and yeah was like a little dunk tank and Pastor put me under
00:08:58
asked me a couple questions CH and came out and you know the church applauded kind of a thing there's really two main
00:09:06
churches when I talk and think about my faith Journey that stand out to me and I
00:09:12
attended more churches than this but there's really two that were like I think the backbone
00:09:18
for my Christian my Christian experience and so that is Ohio Valley Baptist um as
00:09:24
I said and I went there pretty much I was a young kid when we started go in there and I went there till I was about
00:09:30
14 13 14 years old um and then I went to reality Ventura um through high school and then into some college and
00:09:39
so they shaped me in a lot of ways into into who I am today and into my Christian experience and so um I said
00:09:48
this before but ohigh Valley Baptist was kind of I would say where the foundation
00:09:53
of my Christianity comes into play um and then reality was like the place where I feel like I made my faith my own
00:10:01
and and and I'll explain what that means in just a second but so oh Baptist built
00:10:07
like it was the the foundation in that I was being taught the Bible um I was being taught very traditional
00:10:17
Christian values um you know go to church read my Bible go home read my Bible um one of
00:10:26
the big things I remember learning there was like the import importance of serving um and that being a huge part of
00:10:35
of Christianity is like serve other people right love other people serve them and I I saw that played out through
00:10:41
like my parents and and other people inside the church my parents were like the treasures at the church and I want
00:10:46
to say that they like LED Bible studies at different points and all this kind of
00:10:49
thing and and so being the good little Christian boy that I was I wanted to mimic that I wanted to you know emulate
00:10:57
that in a lot of ways and um and so that meant a lot of things right cleaning up around the church um
00:11:04
it meant you know playing guitar um uh with the worship team uh it meant like serving like doing uh sound or like
00:11:13
helping with aana and like all these things and um being just very much involved in
00:11:20
church activity I guess and uh I was a big time music nerd I think around the age of 10 I my parents can confirm or
00:11:30
deny this but around the age of 10 is when they told me that I had to learn an instrument and I picked guitar and so I
00:11:37
spent like eight plus oh no it was more than that I spent close to a decade playing guitar and you know so by the
00:11:46
time I was 12 I think I'd been playing for two plus years at that point I was
00:11:51
starting to get asked to serve uh in church on the worship team and play like special music and stuff like that and I
00:11:58
loved it I loved it so much um I can't even tell you how much it was just like
00:12:04
it was amazing it was it was what I wanted to do um and it was interesting because the
00:12:14
church again we're going to oh Baptist at this time it's very conservative
00:12:17
traditional old school Church a lot of hymns uh we mostly had organ and piano uh worship So guitar was kind of a new
00:12:26
mix the the worship as at the time was trying to contemporize it a little bit that's not even a word but we were
00:12:32
trying to play more contemporary Christian music um you know most of the people there were okay with the fact
00:12:40
that like you know I could get up there and play cusa guitar with him and and it
00:12:44
sounded good and things like that but uh but as I got older got an electric guitar the the worship Pastor wanted to
00:12:52
kind of like make it more contemporary right so you know let's put some electric guitar in the mix and we had a
00:12:57
bass player at church and he was trying to find a drummer and all these things and I just vividly remember like after
00:13:05
church one week and like uh a church member coming up to me and basically telling me that like I was too loud and
00:13:14
my electric guitar was too loud and that basically like rock music didn't have a
00:13:18
place in church and I was like really crushed I think as a kid because I that was what spoke to me right like that was
00:13:29
when we if you've read the Bible you know that music is pretty pretty big in
00:13:34
the Bible especially in the Old Testament is there's a lot of I there's a whole freaking book in the Bible
00:13:39
that's just songs and so I would read these things and and I felt like music music is this
00:13:47
Escape for the soul right it is this connection to something bigger than ourselves ideas beliefs whatever it is
00:13:54
not to get too woo woo with it but like it connects you to to bigger things and so
00:13:59
it was hard for me to hear that because here I was 12 13 years old really wanting to like
00:14:07
pursue a really healthy relationship with God and music was a way that I connected I felt like I connected with
00:14:14
God and so to be told that that like basically has no place in church was just tough right it was just not not
00:14:23
what I wanted um to hear um and and really it was coming from old people who they were just stuck they were just
00:14:34
stuck in they wanted to hear hymns and they wanted what they wanted and and I think it was it was tough too if you
00:14:41
have ever been to a Baptist Church you know that they tend to be um I don't know if political is the the
00:14:48
correct word here but they tend to be like this Democratic process at least ours was we voted on freaking everything
00:14:55
and I remember this again a very distinct memory this is ultimately I think what
00:15:01
really turned me off to going to church there was we had a meeting of the church
00:15:06
members and we were asked I was young right I was 13 at the time and like being asked like well what is what about
00:15:13
church would draw more young people we needed more young people at the church that was what we were trying to solve
00:15:18
and and they asked me because I was 13 and I said well I want louder music I want rock and roll right I want pastors
00:15:26
who are like you know like fun I want uh children's church was always kind of a mess at our church
00:15:34
because it was I don't know I felt like there wasn't enough young adults or even
00:15:39
sometimes kids to Warrant always having uh Sunday school and things like that but um yeah just
00:15:47
like I remember saying that and then just kind of being shot down and being like H that's not it like don't listen
00:15:54
to him it's like well okay so I say I say that to that gets us to church number two that gets us to reality is
00:16:03
basically what I'm getting at and so around that time of 13 I think it was a
00:16:07
summer I was I was going to turn 14 I was going to freshman year high school and uh my best friend at the time he
00:16:13
invited me to go to youth group with him and I was like okay my church didn't
00:16:17
have a youth group because there was hardly any youth there and so I go reality it was amazing it was like
00:16:25
everything I could have dreamed for right music was loud it was rock and roll the pastor was relatable uh you
00:16:33
know we played fun games everybody was cool like and I remember being like if Sunday is anything like this then like
00:16:40
this is the kind of church I want to go to and it was like I remember just being so
00:16:47
like I was in love with it I was just instantly in love with it right I felt like I could finally
00:16:53
have a community of people who could push me towards being a better Christian right and who we just related right we
00:17:02
could be strong together you know the Bible always says the Bible says um that like multiple cords together are are
00:17:11
stronger right and it's like a rope and so I remember going to my parents and
00:17:15
kind of being like hey I'm really fed up at ohigh Valley um I'm just like I'm
00:17:21
just kind of like dying I I don't like going I don't look forward to going on
00:17:24
Sundays I don't feel like I can even serve because just get told I'm doing it
00:17:29
wrong all the time um I want something new right and I'm really thankful that I
00:17:36
had I had parents who they listened and they didn't judge um but they heard me
00:17:43
and and I think my sister was kind of echoing some of the same things I was and so they listened to us and they
00:17:49
said okay like let's let's try something different and they were heavily involved
00:17:55
in that church um and so they definitely it took a little while cuz they had to and their commitments there but they
00:18:00
were like okay let's let's go to some other churches and so I think we went to
00:18:05
like two churches we had decided as a family we're going to tour a couple churches and go a couple weeks and and
00:18:10
you know feel it out make pros and cons lists and whatever else and decide and I
00:18:14
think we went to two churches and then we were like reality is the place and I was stoked my friends were there um like
00:18:22
I said I just felt like it was it lit a new fire inside of me for Christianity and reality is the place I feel
00:18:33
like I made my faith my own and what do I mean by that I I think it's been hard to Define it to be
00:18:45
honest and I'm looking at my notes because I'm like what did I write down
00:18:49
to kind of explain this and the way I always viewed Christianity in our relationship with God was through
00:18:59
this lens of relationship right it's a personal relationship between you and
00:19:03
God right and so prayer is the way that you talk to him and prayer doesn't always have to be the Super formal like
00:19:12
dear God um you know whatever it could just literally be a conversation that's
00:19:16
just how I view it that's that was my understanding of of of God right and how
00:19:22
things worked and so I always viewed it as this personal relationship thing and and that
00:19:28
God was was there and there was there was rules and there was expectations and there was
00:19:35
um there was kind of this the Bible was not a rule book so to speak but a guidelines I guess um of like here's
00:19:45
what following me looks like and and if you struggled with it you talk to God about it and then you'd also talk to
00:19:55
your fellow Christians about it and be like how can I be better at this right right so when we got to reality I felt
00:20:01
like I finally had that I had people around me who I was going to a church of people who allowed children to speak
00:20:08
that that that is a key point that I wanted to say as well Ohio Val Baptist for me felt like a church where children
00:20:15
were kind of still these things that were like to be seen and not heard and that's not 100% true but it definitely
00:20:22
felt it it definitely there was a generation of people at that church who were kind of like they would not ignore
00:20:28
knowled that the kids had these like spiritual needs um so to speak whereas reality it felt like that
00:20:37
was a huge part of their Ministry um was making sure that kids were seen and heard um and and given like tools right
00:20:47
and so so going to reality I got really tied into the youth group I got really tied into like serving I was on the
00:20:55
worship team I helped with the sound team um doing PowerPoint like uh I went to junior high camp with kids uh as like
00:21:04
a a leader like I did I think what I felt like was good Christian boy Behavior so you know um I
00:21:14
was serving I was serving others inside of the church um to be honest I don't
00:21:19
know that I was serving many people outside of the church who arguably are the people who need it more but I was
00:21:25
serving people in inside the church um and and living in community with people who were strengthening me were backing
00:21:35
me up on things I believed um that kind of a thing and so where do I want to go from here let
00:21:45
me check my notes again I told you guys this was a hard episode for me to like put because there's so many thoughts and
00:21:52
there's so many nuances there so many rabbit holes I could go down and talk for hours about this stuff um so now let
00:21:59
me look here okay I think this is important to share I would argue that I have friends
00:22:09
from that time who would who would say I maybe wasn't the most Evangelistic person
00:22:19
um you know Christianity calls us to spread religion to all to spread the message of Christ to all corners of the
00:22:26
Earth right and some people are much more charismatic and um able to like go do that and be missionaries and all
00:22:34
those kind of things I was I've never really been that way um I build long lasting
00:22:42
relationships and friendships and with people who are like my writer dies um and again this comes back to my
00:22:52
interpretation of the Bible and things I read about and I I have always felt like
00:22:57
the Bible shows us that people have different skills and to lean into your skills
00:23:02
right and that there's a place for you at the table and so I always felt like
00:23:08
my place was not evangelism um in the sense of like let me go out on the streets and just
00:23:14
talk to people and like lead them to Christ right there on the street like evangelism for me was again relationship
00:23:22
right I talked about my relationship with God was very personal was very one-on-one um
00:23:29
or one on Three if you believe in the Holy Trinity that's also kind of how I
00:23:32
viewed like evangelism right is this oneon-one relationship with people and I felt like you could always go so much
00:23:41
further if you just had genuine relationship with people and so I remember when I was in college I
00:23:48
interned at my dad's office and I I had like data entry it was like the worst
00:23:53
job in the world um so boring but popping a podcast asked do my work and be done but uh one day I'm having lunch
00:24:02
and this woman who I had met her before but I I didn't know her very well comes
00:24:07
in and I'm sitting there and I'm you know I'm eating lunch alone I'm like on
00:24:10
my phone scrolling and she comes over and she asks if she can sit with me and talk with me and I was like okay sure
00:24:15
and we started talking and she's she's like um oh you're you're Keith's son
00:24:20
right and I was like yeah and um and she goes yeah you guys are just like different aren't you and I was like what
00:24:26
I was like kind of taking it back because I was just like what that's like kind of rude to say and she's like I
00:24:31
don't mean it in a rude way I just mean it in a like there's something about you
00:24:34
guys that's like different and like special and again this doesn't sound
00:24:39
great right but um but what she was so we so we started talking and and what it really boiled down to was she she felt
00:24:48
this like that we were genuine people who genuinely connected and I was like okay and she's
00:24:55
like yeah when you see me you always say hello and you ask me how I am and if feels like you actually like give a [ __ ]
00:25:00
about me as a person and you're listening to what I have to say and things like that and I was like oh
00:25:05
interesting and she's like why do you think that is like why do you think you
00:25:07
are that way or like how are you that way and I was and at the time I was a Christian still and so I said I said
00:25:13
well I'm a Christian and and a part of my religion is is that it's caring for
00:25:18
people right it's it's being there for them it's actually like giving a [ __ ]
00:25:22
about them and I didn't really push it I was like you know I wasn't about to be
00:25:28
like oh you should come to church with me or like I don't know what her religion was she could totally have been
00:25:32
a Christian as well but like that's what I mean when I say that like for me evangelism is this relational thing
00:25:38
where it's like if I had lunch with her again you know um we could either continue that conversation about genuine
00:25:46
connection with people we could go down a more religious Rabbit Hole the door had been opened I guess so to speak
00:25:53
again that's just how I've always viewed it it's relationship it's genuinely
00:25:56
caring about people that's that's how I viewed Christian and evangelism and
00:26:01
so that's kind of a side tangent um of this whole thing but again trying to give you guys an understanding of my
00:26:10
belief system right and I guess I didn't make it very clear um Christianity for
00:26:18
me what that meant what I believed in was that God created the world Seven Days Seven Nights um on that seventh day he
00:26:27
rested said he created Adam and Eve who were the first man and woman uh they messed up and they sinned which is why
00:26:34
we've all fallen short and for many many years um God worked in these mysterious
00:26:40
ways he built the nation of Israel um all of these things uh and then thousands of years
00:26:48
later um he came and spoke to a woman named Mary Mary had uh was a virgin and she gave birth to a son that is the Son
00:26:57
of God Jesus Christ and um and he grew up to be the savior of the world he died the Ultimate Death
00:27:04
uh on a cross to pay for our sins and so that is what I'm talking about when I
00:27:09
talk about Christianity for me those were the things I believed in again that's very glossed over um there's a
00:27:15
lot more Nuance to it but I'm trying to keep it brief guys I know I'm running
00:27:19
long here but so where are we College let's talk about college okay so After High School
00:27:27
reality was amazing reality like I said I felt like it gave me a place to make my faith my own
00:27:35
really and and serve people and so when I got to college I I chose a college it was a Christian
00:27:43
college and also it was small and I did that because it was comfortable I was used to The Homeschool bubble and inside
00:27:52
of that homes School bubble it felt like so many people we all believe the same thing right even though we had small
00:27:57
disagreements on about some things and I think maybe bigger disagreements behind
00:28:01
the scenes what I'm learning doing this podcast but um but for the most part we
00:28:07
kind of believe the same thing we were all kind of in this bubble of Christianity homeschool weirdness type
00:28:12
of thing and um so College I didn't want to Veer too much out of that I feel like
00:28:18
I I I was already scared to leave home um and so I chose a school that was like was safe right it was Christian College
00:28:26
you know there was actually a decent number of homeschoolers there um but it felt like that homeschool youth group
00:28:33
bubble um still and so so I got there now this school was so Christian we had we had a
00:28:46
lifestyle agreement so we were not allowed to drink uh we were not allowed to smoke we were not allowed to do drugs
00:28:53
we were not allowed to uh have premarital sex uh we were not allowed to um just a prear we were also were not
00:29:01
allowed to have like gay saxs um I'm trying to remember there was there was other things as well uh we had
00:29:08
commitment to like being at Chapel a certain number of times every semester um it was not a requirement but it was a
00:29:17
highly it was highly suggested that you join a church um that you be involved in
00:29:23
like Bible studies and things like that and um which as somebody who was already
00:29:28
kind of used to that kind of lifestyle of like going to church every Sunday going to youth group once a week uh
00:29:35
serving in Ministry some other way during the week sometimes uh it was like normal to me and so when I got to school
00:29:44
I just I very quickly I I didn't also really understand that there was certain
00:29:48
things that were more like we want you to do this but we understand like it's
00:29:52
not 100% possible so by the end of my first semester I found myself I was going to church like six times a week it
00:29:58
was crazy um it was just a lot and It ultimately resulted in me kind of burning out of church I'll talk about
00:30:06
that in a minute but the other thing that school was teaching me was it was really the first time too that I was in
00:30:14
an environment where I took a religion class my first year um we talked about a lot about Christianity and the
00:30:23
difference between you know what is a Baptist versus like Cath versus uh Wesleyan versus this and then
00:30:31
all of the difference in between all that stuff and so so the first day of class the
00:30:38
professor comes in and he's asking us all these questions right he's asking us
00:30:41
about like the seven-day creation and he's asking us why we believe that he's
00:30:45
asking us if we believe in Noah's Arc and could could the flood have not really been Global could it have been
00:30:51
all these other things right and what he was trying to do I look back on it and I
00:30:55
realize he was trying to push us to defend our faith um but I didn't have good answers for
00:31:02
him to be quite honest I just had answers that were like well my pastor told me this and my like you know my
00:31:10
parents told me this and my science textbook told me this and like all those kind of things um because yes I did do
00:31:17
Christian Science and so I didn't have a strong understanding of even like what
00:31:20
evolution was and later down the line in college I also took a science and uh religion
00:31:26
class and that was like crazy because we talked about like how Evolution and the
00:31:32
Bible can both be true we talked about like all of these things right that were just like I had always been like the Ken
00:31:39
Ham boy right like I had just like watched so many Ken Ham videos and like was like bought into that whole thing
00:31:45
and so to hear these opposing things was kind of like I don't want to say it like
00:31:49
wrecked my faith because it didn't but it definitely opened me up to asking questions and being comfortable asking
00:31:54
questions and being like okay well maybe I'm not so sure so all that to say let's go back to six
00:32:03
days a week so going to church six days a week okay three chapels a vbr service um uh church
00:32:13
on Sunday and then usually a college group uh of some kind that was like off-campus so four oncampus things two
00:32:20
off-campus things and I mean I was like serving hard and these things I mean that that that
00:32:31
church was like a startup church I got plugged in like literally the first week of school maybe the second week of
00:32:36
school um we would build this whole church on Sunday morning inside of a movie theater do worship run sound
00:32:43
whatever I needed to do like help tear it all down put it all away in storage like it I don't know um it was just
00:32:51
doing what I thought I was supposed to do right was just serve um and yeah and then ch cple three times a week like
00:32:59
that gets really hard um for anybody who's done College you know that like coursework is just really hard sometimes
00:33:07
it's really heavy it was a lot it was a lot and it it resulted in me just getting to a point where I was like I
00:33:12
need time for myself I needed time for me um which I think is really healthy and really normal for a lot of people so
00:33:18
I just kind of burned out now let's jump back into the questioning right the classes
00:33:25
right so I have these professors in college who are asking me questions about like Noah is Arc and if it's real
00:33:32
and how much of the Bible is Parable and how much is truth and how much is historically accurate and how do we back
00:33:36
these things up right they're College professors they're just pushing us to
00:33:39
answer questions that's just what they do right um and I can hear a couple people I just know the comments
00:33:48
sometimes come when you start to like question those things right is like people do this like well that's where
00:33:53
faith comes in stupid or like you know um you know you have to have faith things unseen and like how do we know
00:34:00
this is true and you know all all those types of things but it was a thread that I wanted to
00:34:06
pull right it was a thread I wanted to understand more and I wanted to kind of like I wanted to have a better
00:34:12
understanding of like could you be a Christian and believe in evolution right so let's pull that thread could you be a
00:34:17
Christian and believe that like the story of Noah Arc Noah's Arc is like not
00:34:20
real okay you know pull those threats right and so just doing lots of research listening to shows listening to podcasts
00:34:30
listening to scientists um I remember watching Bill NY uh on YouTube like in my room just over and over and over
00:34:40
because I don't remember watching Bill n as a kid um and so hearing what he had to say and a lot
00:34:48
of it's really cool I mean it's just science experiments it's you know how to
00:34:51
blow up a balloon with you know mixing this with that and you know whatever else but it was really cool to like
00:34:58
he these like differ opinions and start to like okay well why do they believe that where's the proof of that okay and
00:35:04
then compare it to someone like a kenam one of the best things I think anybody can go watch if you grew up like me um
00:35:13
if you grew up like me inside of like the creationism science bubble uh kenam has built an arc here in the
00:35:23
it's like in the midwest I think it's in Kentucky or something like that um
00:35:28
uh bill and I came and visited and they walked through together and they filmed the whole thing and they discussed it
00:35:33
and they disagreed on things and um anyway I think it's really really cool or if you come from the perspective of
00:35:40
like um more like an evolution creationism kind of um um creation Viewpoint I think it's interesting as
00:35:49
well to hear Ken Ham's side of that so that's a little resources I think it's
00:35:53
on YouTube but yeah go find it kenam and Bill NY debating it was really interesting so I also just had all these
00:36:01
questions right and I go to church and and the thing about church is pastors speak with such conviction and such
00:36:07
certainty sometimes and that can be really hard when you're someone who's
00:36:11
doubting a lot of things because you're going okay I want to trust this person
00:36:14
and I understand that for them they they firmly believe this but they don't always necessarily
00:36:21
they're maybe not an expert in it you know they might also like I was just kind of be going off of well this is
00:36:27
what my pastor taught me and this is what my parents told me was correct you know for a number of years and
00:36:33
so it it just it was a lot it was a lot and and so I burned out I think I just had so much religion crammed into
00:36:44
my head from all angles for those three years that I was in college that I just was like I can't do this anymore like I
00:36:52
just need like it to stop it's like a voice in your head that will not shut up
00:36:57
right and you're just like shut up um and the only thing I think I can compare
00:37:05
it to is again in college I leading up to college I was an Avid Reader right I read like insane numbers of books um and
00:37:16
that's not to to my own horn that's just the the reality of what it was like I
00:37:19
read all of Little House in the prairie like in a week the whole series it's
00:37:23
like seven books it's like a book a day it's crazy I like devoured books um my
00:37:28
dad could not keep up when I read Lord of the Rings it was like sorry Dad I just you know it's like the flash racing
00:37:35
against the turtle like it's you know um it was crazy so but when I got to college I could crank through textbooks
00:37:42
so it was good like it was good I had that skill to be able to really get through things really quickly but by the
00:37:48
time I got out I was just like I can't read any more books like I was just like
00:37:50
burned out of this like thought books were terrible and it took a long time to really get back the spark of like
00:37:58
okay books I can read again here we are now 2024 and I'm finally like really
00:38:02
reading again I've read books but I'm just like really avidly reading um so
00:38:08
it's been a while I graduated in 2017 so it's it's been a number of years to
00:38:12
fully get it back now okay so also when I talk about like burning out of church that was not me
00:38:21
leaving religion it was not me being like I'm no longer a Christian nothing like that it was just it was just me
00:38:26
leaving church I was like I I it's too much of a commitment for me to do right
00:38:31
now where I couldn't go to church and not feel like I had to serve and I knew I
00:38:36
needed to be I I had had lunch with a pastor who had said you just need to be in a time of like receiving like you
00:38:42
you've poured out a lot and now you need to be in a time of receiving and so I
00:38:46
just quit I quit going to church um I still read my Bible I still identified as a Christian um but things were like
00:38:54
changing right like I said like I was I was in addition to reading the Bible I was also starting to read these other
00:39:00
books and I was starting to listen to uh experts right scientific experts and like um kind
00:39:09
of figuring out what I believed right and this ties into like so what finally made me like call it quit quits with
00:39:19
Christianity and there's two parts to this there's there's the part of Christianity
00:39:24
where I saw people inside of Christianity not treating other human beings like human beings um and just
00:39:33
being hateful and disgusting to be quite honest and then the second part of that
00:39:38
was as I continue to research and ask questions I got to a place where I didn't I couldn't believe the Bible was
00:39:48
like accurate and was like truthful to be honest and so growing up the Bible was just it was the inherent
00:39:59
word of God it was it was Perfection it was like you don't doubt it it is ultimate truth right if you ever wonder
00:40:08
anything you could always rely on the Bible to be true and so when I began to question that and and
00:40:15
again that came down to I started to realize that I was like I don't know that I believe in like a literal
00:40:23
seven-day creation I believed in like something different I was like yeah I can explain it inside the Bible but to
00:40:29
me it was like Evolution over courses of time but God is a part of it and God has
00:40:34
a hand in it and and it is seven days technically but it's not seven days it's
00:40:40
millions of years or you know whatever like I started to have these differing opinions on what the
00:40:46
Bible was saying there's this thing that pastors love to do if you've been to church you know you
00:40:52
know what I'm talking about pastors do this thing where they go they talk about
00:40:58
like the word love for instance and they go in the you know if you look back at the Greek or the Hebrew of of this you
00:41:04
know book right Book of Matthew or whatever it's this word uh in that and that can mean it's it's this like
00:41:11
undying love right they go deep on like it's this word that's bigger than the
00:41:15
word that been translated to and um one that's like kind of cringey not going to lie sorry it is um but two
00:41:27
uh I started to kind of like be interested in understanding like how is the bible translated right
00:41:35
so I started listening to these podcasts with with guys who had worked on these committees that would translate the
00:41:40
Bible and rewrite them and so like how is the you know why does the NLT different than the nsv and why is it
00:41:46
different than King James and like who is choosing to translate these into English and then like are we taking the
00:41:54
English translation and translating that into other languages or are we taking the original Hebrew and Greek and
00:41:59
translating that into different languages like how how does all this work how do we decide like new Bible
00:42:05
translations and all these things right and so I highly encourage people and I'm
00:42:11
going to try to find some some of the resources it's been a number of years since I went down some of this Rabbit
00:42:16
Hole um but I'm going to try to find some of the resources and put them below
00:42:19
just like people I I would listen to to kind of like understand where where these things come from and what
00:42:27
what I was coming to what I was meeting being met with as I was researching this
00:42:31
was like like the King James version for instance is like it's called the King
00:42:37
James version because King James is the one who had it translated into English and he had a say in what went in the
00:42:43
Bible right and why certain books are not included and why they are and you know again we have disagreements with
00:42:49
other religions right Christianity and Judaism and uh Mormonism and latterday Saints they all kind of share
00:42:57
similarities um and similar books we disagree on some things um people are not going to like that I just lumped all
00:43:06
those together uh I don't blame you uh but but there is a shared commonality
00:43:12
even Islam right there's a shared commonality sometimes with the readings of those texts and the understanding of
00:43:18
those texts right and they just differ in you know books and things like that so
00:43:23
anyway I uh I digress a little bit but the King James version and learning about that and really understanding what
00:43:29
was going on and why was he doing this and how was he using his influence to twist what was being said in the Bible
00:43:35
so he could do things that he wanted to do and so then you get to you start to question right again it goes back to
00:43:42
this question you of like can I trust the Bible because it's obviously been [ __ ] up by man uh it's been it's been
00:43:50
bastardized to be quite honest um and words that mean one thing have have taken on new meaning
00:43:58
um you know it was it it's like in my grandpa's lifetime that like homosexuality even like entered the
00:44:05
Bible um as far as like certain language goes right and that's crazy to me so I I don't know
00:44:14
just like understanding where that translation came from really I think it blew the doors open uh for me to kind of
00:44:21
be like I I really just question this a lot now to go back to that first thing I
00:44:26
me was seeing Christians not act like Christians towards other people and this was
00:44:37
something I had seen early early on in high school uh junior high even and I saw to myself
00:44:51
um how do how do I want to say I when I was 13 to 15 we've talked about the red pants on the show we talked
00:44:59
about the red pants how cringy they were I liked bright colored clothing okay I had pink shirts I had purple shirts
00:45:04
purple was my favorite color it's been for a long time um I liked wearing bright colors um and when I was going to
00:45:12
Hawaii Valley Baptist I would wear I had this like pink shirt and I had a couple
00:45:15
other shirts that were they were just fun they had just fun patterns and they're bright and obnoxious and
00:45:20
whatever and I remember this lady coming up to me after church and just blatantly
00:45:25
asking me if I was gay and I was like no because being gay was a sin that's what
00:45:30
I grew up believing and I was really like taking back I don't like I just remember saying no and then just like we
00:45:38
moved on from that conversation it was just like over it was like a done deal but it sat with me for so long because I
00:45:44
was like wait what like the way I dress makes me gay which felt weird and then also like if I
00:45:54
was what like what were you going to do about it I I don't really know like and
00:45:59
I don't know because that person I wasn't so there there was no action taken after that point
00:46:06
but I say that to say that in high school and then especially in college I was around people who we
00:46:15
didn't talk about these things when homosexuality came up it was like just kind of this like Abomination it was
00:46:24
this thing that was just not okay um I don't think anybody was equipped to talk
00:46:29
about it um and [Music] so so we just didn't we just didn't we made gay jokes and and stuff like that
00:46:40
and we just yeah we just didn't to be quite honest and when I got college is
00:46:45
when I really I think started to see like hatred towards lgbtq I saw racism for the first time I moved from
00:46:52
California to St Louis area um right over the Border in Illinois and I was like two towns over from a
00:47:00
town that had like an active clue clux clan um and would go shopping with like I went shopping with uh a friend who was
00:47:09
black and like literally he got called like the n-word and like all kinds of things by just just white people and it
00:47:15
was just wild it was just like this weird experience and again I know some people will say like oh well those
00:47:20
people you don't know if they're Christians or not that's true to some degree but
00:47:28
I saw what I started to realize was I saw the people around me who were quote unquote Christians right who claimed to
00:47:38
to love God and and and want to emulate Jesus and everything that they do and then when it come to oh let's invite
00:47:45
like you know this gay guy over they just like were super weird about it and super uncomfortable and they didn't want
00:47:52
anything to do with that person and they struggled to like let them into any church type activity and like all these
00:47:58
things and I just like I don't know it just gives you an icky feeling right it's just when you're reading the Bible
00:48:04
and you read about the fact that like Jesus sat at a table with like the worst of the worst people and he had
00:48:10
conversation with them and you know he laughed and they drank together and they hung out right not to say they were
00:48:17
friends but they were friendly and I wasn't I didn't see that emulated and so it was just this massive turnoff
00:48:25
to like Christianity um and then as I got older I started to see my friends that I had grown up with
00:48:32
as they started [Music] to I I think we started to like sexually awaken to some degree um and come into
00:48:41
our own and the people who who stepped into being gay or being bisexual or being a lesbian or or transitioning or
00:48:49
whatever it was um how they were received by friends was like really apparent um it was apparent who the
00:49:00
people were who were like yeah we're still friends let's go like let's have
00:49:04
fun you know let me ask questions you know let me be inquisitive and try to understand better and know how to not be
00:49:10
offensive right people were growing and then other people were just stuck in the
00:49:14
same way of being like this is an Abomination and you know how could you ever be a Christian kind of a thing and
00:49:21
so that's really those two things really I think they they put the nail in the coffin of
00:49:29
me being like I don't I can't believe in this anymore um and I don't see this as
00:49:37
healthy now I'm not here to judge and to say that you're one of those Christians
00:49:43
um I know plenty of Christian people who I think are very loving um and and I know Christian people who are not I say
00:49:51
all these this is my experience these are the things that I've seen in my life
00:49:56
and and they're what got me to where I am today so what do I believe today I guess
00:50:01
what what did this all lead to what did I eventually decide on I really for a while I think I went down the atheist
00:50:07
rabbit hole and being like there is no God right and I don't sit there today I I I say
00:50:15
that I'm agnostic and what I mean by that my definition is that I think I don't believe in the god of the
00:50:24
Bible but I also don't I don't believe that there's like not nothing out there right like there's
00:50:31
something bigger and and arguably greater than us out there I don't know if it's a God if it's Gods if
00:50:39
it's aliens it's just like a different realm right different dimension the
00:50:43
fourth dimension um yeah I don't know I don't know what it is and I'm like and I choose to be
00:50:51
comfortable in that like in that questioning of like what is it what could it be right
00:50:59
um uh there's a great Duo on YouTube uh R link um they have a podcast called
00:51:07
earbiscuits and they did a whole series of their deconstruction journey and they
00:51:11
do these checkups every year and they talk about things that they um have just learned and where they are where they
00:51:17
sit um and one of them calls themselves uh a hopeful agnostic I guess is um the way he puts it and what he means by that
00:51:28
is that he's like I kind of he's like I hope that there's something out there I
00:51:34
hope that there's something bigger and then I think where I sit too it would be
00:51:37
a lot easier for me to believe in the god of the Bible and to have kind of this certainty of like what happens
00:51:42
after death and you know and if you're a good person you go to heaven and like
00:51:46
all these things right it's like I I'm jealous honestly of people who have that still um cuz I don't and it's
00:51:54
sometimes really scary the scary iest part for me when I decided to not be a Christian any longer
00:52:01
was quite honestly telling my parents and I didn't think that they would abandon me or anything like that I just
00:52:12
it was just hard I can only compare it to like somebody coming out to their parents and I know that's probably a
00:52:17
terrible comparison and I'm sorry if uh if I'm offending you I I'm but as far as
00:52:25
my understanding of just like the emotions that run through you when you do something like that it was like the
00:52:30
one of the hardest things to sit down and be like I don't believe in this anymore and I know it made them
00:52:38
sad um but it has opened up so many cool conversations to be had about just why things are the way they are
00:52:51
right and why do we believe the things that we believe and we disagree on on a lot and that's okay
00:53:00
um and I know that they pray for me every day um and I'm thankful for that but the thing that was important and the
00:53:07
thing I was scared about when I came when I came out to them when I uh when I told them was the fact I I still even
00:53:15
though I didn't think that they would just abandon me and like leave me out to
00:53:19
dry R be say I want nothing to do with you I still there was still this like you know fear that I was losing that
00:53:26
because one of the things that Christianity brings into your life and holds for you is this
00:53:32
community it's like built-in Community that's what we do right as a church we
00:53:36
live life together right that's like a thing that gets said a lot and when I left I just lost that I just
00:53:45
like didn't have that anymore I didn't even feel safe around like a lot of the
00:53:48
friends I had because they were still in it and I didn't know how they were going to react
00:53:55
to that experience that that questioning right um I think what I really want this
00:54:04
episode to nail home for people if anything one is one just get this off my chest but
00:54:11
two I would hope that people would take from this that it's okay to question things
00:54:18
it's okay to be different it's okay to believe different things and it's it's
00:54:23
okay to like have discussion around it in a civilized way and to be open to the fact that like
00:54:29
maybe I'm wrong or maybe do some research um in topics that you feel uncomfortable about and try to
00:54:38
understand I think there's a lot of fear inside of Christianity inside of religion
00:54:44
itself um about this like losing control right this like well if they start to pull like I
00:54:54
talked about pulling the thread right following the thread it's like if if they start to do that then
00:55:01
like the whole thing unravels um and I I just I think I disagree with that I don't think the whole thing on
00:55:12
ravels and and it just changes is what it is and some people might end up like me right
00:55:21
who are agnostic and other people might still remain Christians or Christ followers or or who knows maybe they'll
00:55:27
go to other religions I don't really know but like I guess what I'm trying to say is
00:55:32
like don't be scared to ask the dumb questions because and and and to ask hard
00:55:38
questions and to be scared of asking questions like I I like it's okay it's
00:55:43
okay to be scared of asking questions I would come home from like listening to a
00:55:47
podcast about deconstruction and being like I think I believe this and it was terrifying for me I was like I don't
00:55:53
want this I have journal entry after journal entry of being like I'm Losing My Religion and it's like terrifying to
00:56:00
me um because I felt like I was losing everything I was losing my identity out of that had to come a new
00:56:08
like building a new identity of who I was as a person and I I I think there's
00:56:14
this fear no I know I don't think I know that there is this fear inside of churchgoers that when you lose your
00:56:24
religion you lose the good part of you because we're told that it's only through God that you
00:56:32
can do good things it's only because of this that you can do good things it's
00:56:36
only because of you know whatever and I'm going to get a lot of shift for this but I'm going to say it anyways I
00:56:45
choose to believe that people I grew up believing that people were inherently bad and they needed God to be good I
00:56:51
have changed my stance on that and I believe that people are inherently good I believe that people
00:56:57
are hurting and they make mistakes um but ultimately I think people want to do good and want to see
00:57:06
other people succeed I don't know I could be wrong prove me wrong I'm trying to think where to wrap
00:57:12
this to be honest I feel like I could go another tangent I feel like I'm a little
00:57:16
spirally right now and I apologize for that I hope this has made sense um I guess that's what I'll leave it with I
00:57:22
hope this this made sense um let me check my notes we're scrolling through we're asking
00:57:32
okay I guess I'll leave you with this if this is you if you've got questions if
00:57:40
you had significant shifts in your belief system like and you want to share them like it doesn't have to be on the
00:57:47
show it can literally just be in private but if you I I would love to know I think I talked about losing the
00:57:54
community element of church is really scary and it wasn't until honestly probably this year maybe last
00:58:04
year a little bit that I started to really build that back this three plus years of me feeling isolated and alone
00:58:13
and with no Community um and I'm building it back it's it's coming it's
00:58:19
slow but it's it's coming and um yeah so just know if you feel like me uh You're Not Alone um and like I
00:58:32
said if you have an experience a similar experience or your beliefs or your worldview are shifting or changing or
00:58:39
being different or maybe they're the same I don't know and you want to talk
00:58:41
about it let's talk about it I'm I'm always open so you can do that if you
00:58:46
got questions about the show you got questions about me you got questions about whatever you know you can email me
00:58:50
exhs [email protected] uh Instagram DMS are open exhs Club um let me know I want to I want to hear
00:59:01
your stories I hope this wasn't too rambly I apologize if it was hopefully I
00:59:05
can edit and clean it up and make it sound more polished but it's just Raw it's the real me it's the real me
00:59:12
processing and thinking through these things and doing this show has opened up some of that can of worms again and
00:59:18
so what I'm saying is I'm here I'm kind of on the other side of some of it some
00:59:22
of the really hard nasty stuff of of losing my religion and I want to be there for you um if
00:59:32
possible again I ask you if you got something to say if you disagree with me that's fine be kind right it it doesn't
00:59:39
cost anything to be nice um if you want to have discussion around it let's do it
00:59:44
um yeah okay I'm going to stop rambling I hope you guys have a very merry Christmas happy holidays if you
00:59:51
celebrate any of the other holidays that are happening uh in this time of the year I hope you are with loved ones with
00:59:56
friends with family with whatever it might be um and enjoy enjoy the season enjoy the time enjoy the break that
01:00:04
we're going to take um if you're really really missing the show it's okay
01:00:08
there's 20 other episodes you can go back and listen to um we're going to be
01:00:13
back very very soon whole new cast of people we got 80s and 90s kids coming on I have an actual therapist coming on um
01:00:21
I have a sex expert coming on um uh I've got homeschool kids from other parts of
01:00:27
the country not just California coming on it's going to be fun we've got some
01:00:30
really cool stuff planned for this upcoming year I hope you stick around I hope you hit that subscribe I hope you
01:00:36
share the show with your friends and uh yeah so until next year this has been the exom schoolers club I'm your host
01:00:42
Jacob goodon and we'll see you all right peace [Music] [Music]