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welcome back to the ex- homeschoolers
00:00:05
Club I am your host Jake Gooden and
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today I am joined with my lovely friend
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ellia um Elia is actually the younger
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sister of a former guest Carrie and Elia
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you and I have known each other for a
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very long time uh our families have been
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like best friends for I don't know how
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long at this point uh maybe it feels
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like 20 years uh I know that's not the
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case but it feels like it definitely
00:00:30
feels like that I know my dad was your
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music teacher and you were kind of our
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dance teacher at one point and went to a
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lot of school stuff together it's yeah
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it was like a very long time of growing
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up yeah it's so funny too because I now
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like obviously we catch up every now and
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then but it's so funny because I still
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like I see certain people as like these
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little kids in my eyes and you and my
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sister are like two of those people who
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I just still when I look at you guys I
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see like 10-year-old people um and
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that's just not the case you guys are
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full-fledged adults you're very like
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strong and capable women um and I love
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you both uh but it's just funny to like
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get on calls with them and and be like
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oh my gosh like this person is not a
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child anymore
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um oh yeah I know I was yeah cuz you
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were I think you were in the same like
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school year as my oldest sister and so
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um yeah I was I was a very different
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child back then too I like was very
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quiet and kind of timid and and so yeah
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I'm I laugh I Yap a lot now and I'm a
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bit different so it makes sense they
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like why are you this is different
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you're not the same person no you really
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it it's funny because I feel like you
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have really come into your own and it's
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cool to like watch you have gone to
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college and now like be out of there and
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have a career and and be doing life but
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um yeah it is kind of
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wild but uh okay so backing up backing
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up to the very beginning you have been
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homeschooled your entire life uh for for
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like 12 13 years of your life you were
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homeschooled what did that look like how
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did that feel like give me give me a
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little bit of like the dayto day what
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did that look like for you yeah um yeah
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so yes I was homeschooled like literally
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all the way through my senior year of
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high school um I feel like every
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homeschool family is like you know a
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little different to their own there's
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like the super like intense like
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graduate at 14 in and like wake up at
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like 5:00 a.m. and like super strict you
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know like Olympian level like we're
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doing our own schedule with homeschool
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to like get ahead and like you know be
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like you know in UCLA by the time you're
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like 15 I know those families for sure
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and then it's such a huge Spectrum
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there's like way like different people
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that maybe like move at a slower Pace or
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like just have a hold it are religious
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maybe you're not religious like there's
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a lot of different factors so for me
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I was the youngest of three uh kids so I
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felt like my oldest sister got like a
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lot of the like boom like structure
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let's do this like academics and then my
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middle sister was like okay and then
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mine was a lot more like chill and
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laidback for my like academic
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experiences so I grew up in like uh
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obviously you know you were there so you
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know
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but um like a a homeschool sort of group
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uh with our community so there was and
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it was like christian-based so it was
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like a faith-based like Christian group
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with a bunch of families that would like
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meet every other week and like do some
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classes um but my individual like family
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and stuff we were really laidback with
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like the pacing of everything so it was
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a lot of like independence with me from
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a very young age with like I have to get
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my own work done and like I have to be a
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self-starter and I have to like not rely
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on other people to like you know I don't
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know it was just a lot more independent
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with um with my own education so I feel
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like that was a big part of my like high
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school especially was like I have to get
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my stuff done and you know I feel like
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if I was a parent too it's like by the
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time you get to the third kid I don't
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know it's not that serious it's like you
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know do your homework I guess like your
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parents are two of the most like
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laid-back people I know personally um
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they have always just been super chill I
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I remember a time being I think it was
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at your house and we were going
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somewhere and we were running extremely
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late and I was just I came from the
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household of like Mom who's just like
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very like we're on if we're on time
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we're late kind of a person and so and
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that's my mentality too I'm like but I'm
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a I'm a firstborn kid I've got that like
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I I have to be there 5 minutes early
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kind of a thing and your mom and dad
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were so chill the entire time I was like
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where is the fire to go where is the
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like we're not going to make it and your
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mom was just like it's okay we're going
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to get there when we get there there's
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no like hard time to like there was no
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actual like we have to be there at
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exactly this time um and so I will say
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your parents taught me to chill out
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quite a bit and just like relax take a
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breath like relax um but that can also
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be a bummer like you said like if if you
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were not a self-starter person right you
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know that can be a bummer when it comes
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to education because some some people
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need that like kick in the pants from
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mhm a parent right to be like you got to
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get this done right yeah for sure and I
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think that I kind of did struggle with
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that a bit because it is hard when
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you're young like you to be like having
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so much responsibility um and that's
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sort of a big theme for my childhood too
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which I kind of is kind of my fault
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because I liked to like take charge of
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things or like take a lot on and then
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think that I could handle it like an
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adult and I was like oh I was young I
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look back and I'm like why was I 12 like
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with this much responsibility you
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know but I was working a lot like I
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literally started working well
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volunteering for you
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know volunteer for money you know it was
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not official it was not official but I
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started working uh like pretty young
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like early early high school and then um
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which is nice in the fact that I had the
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schedule flexibility to like work more
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hours than a lot of other kids but um
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like I worked in sports and stuff and so
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I would like coach a lot and and um and
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I was able to like raise
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money like from a much younger age so I
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had time to like save up I was like very
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much I need to save money I need to like
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work I need to do all these things and
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um so like that's like a plus I think of
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homeschool that I had of like having the
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time and like availability to get some
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savings going cuz I wasn't born rich you
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know it's rough out here in this economy
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I feel you I I always tell people yeah
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by the time I was done like those last
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two years of high school like I mean I
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worked at your dad's studio um you know
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I ran I had my own guitar lesson company
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that I taught I did odd jobs for people
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I lo Lawns I did whatever you know it's
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just like but that was the cool thing
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about homeschool was like we had the
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flexibility to like make it happen right
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and so if you needed to be somewhere at
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10:30 in the morning for a job you could
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just do it you know and it's like yeah
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maybe school's happening at 8:00 at
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night but who cares you know yeah as
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long as you have a ride I mean yeah
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exactly yeah and once you're old enough
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to drive then it's like well you just
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got to make sure you have access to a
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car you know and then just go yes so
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so yeah that's super cool so I I
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remember you guys cuz you worked at a
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gymnastics place right mhm yeah yeah and
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so I I remember you guys oh yeah cuz
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your sister and I did gymnastics yeah
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together yes yeah
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um yeah but yeah I remember you guys
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would always just like you guys just
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knew how to do certain I was just like
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oh my God I can't I'm not that flexible
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I can dance but like I can't do the
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splits I can't you know I can't be on a
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Balan me I'm no long I no longer know
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how to balance myself like I trip over
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my own two feet at this point valid
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honestly I do too sometimes and I was a
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gymnast
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so it' be like that sometimes but yeah I
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did jymnastics for a long time which is
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also again nice in the sense that I was
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like working so that I could take
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gymnastics also like cuz again wasn't
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born a millionaire so it was like you
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know hard to afford things so it was
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nice that I could like okay I can work
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and like work my way towards taking
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classes like the more I work the more I
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can like take more like I could do
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competitive gymnastics because of that
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and like I learned work ethic pretty
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quick you know I remember my boss like
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when I was like 14 being like hey you
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got to step step it up like I got other
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people on the phone that could replace
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you right now and I was like oh I'm
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learning real quick I got to actually
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like earn my keep here which you
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know sometimes you don't realize uh till
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much later some people it's much much
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later that they're like oh I'm it's it's
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not always a given depending on where
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you are I guess but anyway I learned to
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work e yeah no I I I live in an area now
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that like when I worked I worked at a
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barbecue restaurant when I first moved
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to Nashville and there was a lot of kids
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who was this was their first job you
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know they're 15 16 years old it's their
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first job and they have zero work ethic
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they like very clearly didn't want to be
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there Mom and Dad were just kind of
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pushing them to get a job and I was like
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you guys got to have some kind of fire
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under you and I get that it's not you
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know serving serving food is not the
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greatest job in the world um it can be
00:09:53
very rewarding but it's it is not for
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everybody I'll give them that um and but
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oh my gosh I was like guys you got to
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get some fire under your butt um but I
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was just used to The Homeschool world
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where it's like so many of us like like
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you said we did bartering for for
00:10:08
certain things we would work odd jobs we
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had our own companies like we did all
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kinds of stuff and had kind of that like
00:10:14
drive and that discipline to like get it
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done right we wanted to make something
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happen we would make it happen I know I
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know at least for Carrie it might have
00:10:24
been for you too but like you guys
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really enjoyed going to ComicCon um and
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yeah hey I'm still I'm still a nerd but
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uh but I know like your parents were
00:10:37
like you want to go to Comic-Con you got
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to pay for it and you guys would just
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like bust ass to like fig out how to pay
00:10:43
for bake sales whoa yeah that's so true
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that's and like that was that was just
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the way it was it was just like you know
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hey we we got to figure it out you know
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and that's super cool um to have that
00:10:56
and then I'm sure that has translated so
00:10:57
much now into like you're a musician now
00:11:01
and you know performing and wanting to
00:11:04
be out there and getting your music in
00:11:05
front of more and more people like that
00:11:06
takes hard work and a lot of just like
00:11:08
dedication to like you know I might not
00:11:11
feel like getting up to go to bar and
00:11:13
perform but like I got to do it right
00:11:15
got to get that
00:11:16
bag yeah got to make those connections
00:11:19
absolutely absolutely very cool well so
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talk to me a little bit so like
00:11:24
homeschooling it seems like we kind of
00:11:26
had similar homeschooling Journeys as
00:11:29
far just like we're at home but also
00:11:31
like we did have that achieve connection
00:11:33
of like having a group of people to come
00:11:35
together for things like like field
00:11:37
trips school dances you know the support
00:11:41
systems were there obviously where if
00:11:43
one parent was struggling with something
00:11:45
we could go to somebody else's house and
00:11:46
maybe get science classes and um we had
00:11:49
group Solutions and things like that
00:11:51
which was which was awesome but um tell
00:11:55
me a little bit about like once you got
00:11:56
through high school what was like that
00:11:58
next phase like did you immediately go
00:12:00
to college did you take a little bit of
00:12:02
time like what did that look like the
00:12:03
transition out yeah so for me like my
00:12:07
senior year of high school I kind of
00:12:09
started panicking cuz all of my like
00:12:12
little independent girly moments of
00:12:14
working and like trying to do school um
00:12:17
to the best of my ability like I kind of
00:12:21
realized like I felt behind I felt like
00:12:24
I started comparing myself you know to
00:12:26
like other people that were those
00:12:27
overachievers and I just was like what
00:12:30
do I do and I think I remember I
00:12:32
listened to your episode where you're
00:12:34
talking about this like sometimes
00:12:35
there's not that like assist assistance
00:12:39
with the transition to college and H
00:12:41
school like it sort of again just
00:12:42
depends on the family and my family was
00:12:44
really chill about college so I like
00:12:47
didn't even really know like how to
00:12:48
apply or like what it would look like or
00:12:51
if I should go my Elder sisters did a
00:12:53
little bit but um or one of my older
00:12:56
sisters did a little bit but so I was
00:12:58
kind of freaking out but I ended up
00:12:59
doing community college um for two years
00:13:02
and that was like a huge help I'm a big
00:13:05
advocate for Community College I know
00:13:07
that there's shows like community that
00:13:09
are wacky and wild and that's kind of
00:13:11
what it's like but I'm still a big
00:13:13
fan you know no no craic on the
00:13:16
Community College they helped me so much
00:13:19
um so I really appreciated my time there
00:13:21
because I was like talking with
00:13:22
counselers like I could figure out what
00:13:24
I wanted to do without spending a
00:13:26
bagillion dollars on tuition you know
00:13:29
and so I stayed like in the area and
00:13:32
stayed working and then took
00:13:34
classes and um I got connected with
00:13:37
their music department and I really
00:13:39
loved that and started like taking more
00:13:43
lessons and I also got into the
00:13:45
psychology department which I didn't
00:13:47
really know I wanted to do and so I
00:13:49
basically like did that for two years
00:13:52
and then transferred to um a university
00:13:55
transferred to ausa Pacific University
00:13:59
after that and I did 3 years there
00:14:01
because of co co really uh hit me like a
00:14:05
truck hit everybody like a trick so um I
00:14:09
did three years there that's super cool
00:14:12
I feel like a lot of homeschool kids
00:14:13
kind of did that transition from like
00:14:16
yeah High School to Community College to
00:14:17
kind of figure it out and then went to a
00:14:20
university or figured out they wanted to
00:14:22
go more down a trade route um something
00:14:24
like that I know for me I just was like
00:14:28
I needed the motivation of like leaving
00:14:30
to to like go otherwise I was going to
00:14:33
get stuck I just knew that about myself
00:14:35
right um and so like I left and did did
00:14:39
School in three years um super thankful
00:14:41
but like I had to just like work my ass
00:14:43
off to like make it happen um because I
00:14:45
just knew I was like I'm going to get
00:14:47
stuck otherwise but so many people I
00:14:49
feel like needed that transition time to
00:14:51
be like okay here's what a real
00:14:53
classroom feels like right and here's
00:14:56
how to deal with um College professors
00:14:59
right and and a lot of times those
00:15:00
community colleges can help point you in
00:15:02
the direction of figuring out like oh I
00:15:04
think I want to major in this okay well
00:15:06
what school should I go to for that you
00:15:08
know MH yeah I agree and and I think I
00:15:14
just didn't even I remember being at
00:15:16
Community College and I had never even
00:15:18
like kind of dreamed of going to a
00:15:20
university like I had no idea what that
00:15:22
looked like I didn't feel capable in
00:15:24
myself like academically like I had no
00:15:28
real idea like what college would look
00:15:31
like um and so I think that was that's
00:15:34
not every homeschooler for sure but that
00:15:36
was definitely me in the sense of like I
00:15:38
didn't feel like I had outside resources
00:15:40
to like hey let's go look at colleges or
00:15:42
like you're completely capable I was
00:15:44
like I don't know I don't even feel like
00:15:46
my transcripts are legit or like you
00:15:48
know it's just It's Tricky it's like
00:15:50
it's so its own thing that's so
00:15:52
different from like the public school
00:15:54
system that I just had a lot of
00:15:56
insecurity like going into my first year
00:15:59
of college so I felt like Community
00:16:00
College gave me the confidence gave me
00:16:01
the direction and like one of one of my
00:16:04
music teachers who is amazing and I
00:16:07
really credit that was not a
00:16:09
grammatically correct sentence but um
00:16:11
one of my music teachers was really
00:16:14
amazing in believing in me and like
00:16:16
basically telling me yeah you could you
00:16:18
could get a scholarship into college
00:16:20
actually like you are perfectly capable
00:16:23
and I was like huh that's crazy because
00:16:25
I don't even know what I'm doing and I
00:16:26
feel like everybody doesn't know what
00:16:27
they're doing when they're 18 anyway so
00:16:29
I wasn't the only one but um so I
00:16:33
basically like worked my ass off at
00:16:35
Community College to get really good
00:16:37
grades to like get that academic
00:16:39
scholarship I worked my ass off in music
00:16:41
to get a music scholarship and like I
00:16:45
essentially was able to get almost a
00:16:47
free ride for University at a private
00:16:49
school which is crazy um and I did a
00:16:52
double degree so look at me
00:16:54
now I have two Bachelors yeah yeah what
00:16:57
did you end up majoring in uh psychology
00:17:00
and music so I have like two separate
00:17:03
degrees basically in those um it's a ba
00:17:07
and a BM basically so okay literally
00:17:10
like 16year old me would like think that
00:17:13
that's insane I I would I didn't even
00:17:15
know what a bachelor's degree was in
00:17:16
full
00:17:17
transparency so it's really wild no I I
00:17:21
feel you I feel you with like the the
00:17:23
scholarship thing like I didn't
00:17:25
really I I got a good scholarship to the
00:17:28
school I went to but I was like I when
00:17:31
they sent it to me and I was like they
00:17:32
want to give me how much money like I
00:17:34
was I was blown away because I didn't
00:17:37
feel I didn't feel dumb but I didn't
00:17:39
feel incredibly smart either right it's
00:17:41
hard to compare yeah it is yeah it it is
00:17:45
too because like you're competing with
00:17:47
yourself a lot of times in The
00:17:48
Homeschool world where it's like yeah of
00:17:50
course like I know my other friends were
00:17:52
also getting good grades but like
00:17:54
subjective to what like however their
00:17:56
parents decided to grade and so thankful
00:17:59
my mom reframed our homeschool
00:18:01
experience in the fact that she's like
00:18:03
we are technically a private school in
00:18:05
the state of California and I was like
00:18:07
oh okay so that it gave me a little bit
00:18:09
more like security and that I was like
00:18:12
okay when when the state is looking and
00:18:15
in other states when colleges are
00:18:17
looking at my education they're looking
00:18:19
at a private education a private school
00:18:22
education right and so it kind of it
00:18:24
reframed it I think enough that it gave
00:18:25
me more confidence and then also my my
00:18:27
folks paid for me to have some
00:18:30
assistance in high school to like how do
00:18:32
I what is the FAFSA and like what
00:18:35
colleges should I be applying for and
00:18:37
things like that and I was so hyper
00:18:39
fixated on like I wanted to do this one
00:18:41
specific thing I wanted to be an audio
00:18:43
engineer and so there's not a lot of
00:18:45
schools that offer that so I was like
00:18:46
okay well it meant I have to go outside
00:18:49
of California for some things
00:18:51
potentially or I have to go do this and
00:18:53
like it you know it helped give me that
00:18:55
kind of like guidance of like like you
00:18:57
said you had a music Professor who said
00:18:59
well you can totally get a scholarship
00:19:01
you know if you work really hard at this
00:19:04
um and I don't know it just I think it
00:19:06
takes sometimes people who know a little
00:19:08
bit about it to kind of give you that
00:19:09
motivation to be like oh yeah I can
00:19:11
totally do this I got this you know and
00:19:12
here you are like you said you double
00:19:14
majored and before we hit record you
00:19:17
were talking about you know eventually
00:19:19
you want to go and get a graduates
00:19:20
degree like that's amazing that's
00:19:21
fantastic you know thank you it's
00:19:25
crazy let's talk a little bit about like
00:19:28
you know passions you are you come from
00:19:31
a super creative family your dad owns a
00:19:33
recording studio he was my music
00:19:35
Professor crazy music Professor for a
00:19:38
lot of homeschool kids and uh I have
00:19:42
such fond memories of one being in the
00:19:44
studio and I remember specifically this
00:19:46
one birthday of his all of your family
00:19:49
and my family all being there and us
00:19:51
like recording just like songs together
00:19:53
um and just playing a bunch of
00:19:55
instruments and stuff but uh you and
00:19:59
your sisters are super talented when it
00:20:01
comes to music um but you have kind of
00:20:03
taken that and like actually pursued it
00:20:05
more as a career and as a hobby and like
00:20:09
something you potentially want to do
00:20:10
professionally but uh yeah tell us a
00:20:13
little bit about like what you're doing
00:20:14
with that and what's going on in the
00:20:15
music world right now yeah absolutely um
00:20:19
yeah so my dad has a recording studio
00:20:23
and he um is a guitarist and
00:20:26
multi-instrumentalist piano based drums
00:20:29
you know all the things and so that's
00:20:32
like insanely insanely like I mean rare
00:20:37
to just be born into that is is crazy
00:20:40
like I'm so aware of that privilege like
00:20:43
that's a very I'm very blessed and lucky
00:20:46
to you know have that in my family so
00:20:49
I'm super grateful for that opportunity
00:20:51
because I've grown up in the studio and
00:20:54
I've been familiar with what a recording
00:20:56
studio looks like my dad and I recorded
00:20:58
my album together so my while I was in
00:21:00
Community College we recorded my first
00:21:02
like debut album as myself as my own
00:21:04
artist so um yeah musically my dad
00:21:08
taught me how to play guitar but singing
00:21:10
was always my favorite thing to do um
00:21:12
and
00:21:13
so from when I was little I was like
00:21:16
singing in church a lot and then in high
00:21:18
school I got into like jazz and R&B
00:21:21
music and was working on my guitar chops
00:21:24
too and I started writing when I was
00:21:26
like 16 and so it was like just for fun
00:21:30
at first um and I really wanted to like
00:21:33
hey literally a recording studio right
00:21:36
here I want to record I want to make
00:21:38
music I want to like do the thing and so
00:21:41
that was really fun that was really cool
00:21:43
to like work with my dad also was like
00:21:45
you know on a more like work level like
00:21:50
that W work with my dad on a work level
00:21:51
that's yeah period uh but it's kind of
00:21:54
like I'm basically no not me but it's
00:21:57
kind of like a Alish moment with her
00:21:59
brother you know she was homeschooled
00:22:01
and she makes music with her brother so
00:22:03
that was like me with my dad basically
00:22:04
uh and yeah so I've learned so much from
00:22:08
him about Like Instrumental like
00:22:11
arranging and you know playing guitar in
00:22:14
music theory he's a big nerd he like
00:22:17
also went to college and got his degree
00:22:19
in music theory is music music Something
00:22:23
guitar performance one of those um yeah
00:22:26
something like that yeah he's like the
00:22:28
first to graduate from was it Biola with
00:22:31
like whatever that degree was like he
00:22:33
kind of designed and developed it
00:22:35
himself right let's give let's give him
00:22:37
a shout out it's so cool he actually
00:22:39
went to isusa Pacific in like the 70s
00:22:42
late 70s when I not when where I went I
00:22:45
went in the 70s um but he was like their
00:22:48
first guitar major like basically like
00:22:51
the first one at that school which
00:22:53
wasn't even a University at the time it
00:22:56
was like college I don't know the terms
00:22:58
but yeah he was like their first like
00:23:00
guitar emphasis music Major which is so
00:23:03
cool because then I went you know a
00:23:05
couple years ago and it's like of course
00:23:07
there's like a bagillion of those now
00:23:09
there's plenty of performance Majors as
00:23:10
a whole program but every time my dad
00:23:12
would come to like my recital or
00:23:13
something he'd be like guys like anyone
00:23:15
in the hallway like did you know I
00:23:17
actually like I'm the first like so
00:23:20
y'all better
00:23:21
know like put some respect they're like
00:23:24
who is this dude like I don't even know
00:23:26
you but uh so yeah he's pretty cool and
00:23:30
I'm very grateful for everything that
00:23:31
he's taught me and and then my sisters I
00:23:34
have two older sisters who also sing and
00:23:37
um did music and they were always there
00:23:40
to like yell at me if I was like not
00:23:43
singing In Tune or singing a Bad Harmony
00:23:45
they'd be like um shut up what are you
00:23:47
doing you know cuz they're your sisters
00:23:49
they don't care about your feelings ever
00:23:50
at least when you're the youngest and so
00:23:52
I was like you know I got used to like
00:23:56
the oh I got to fix this thankfully they
00:23:58
all had like good ears too and um so
00:24:01
that was sort of like my my little music
00:24:03
training was them uh you know helping me
00:24:08
not embarrass myself too much be like um
00:24:11
yeah that sounds bad you know not that
00:24:12
they were just like villains they were
00:24:14
lovely and great and awesome love you
00:24:15
guys um yeah no but you guys had like
00:24:19
you they pushed you to be the best
00:24:22
version that you could possibly be EXA
00:24:24
and like that's important you know
00:24:26
keeping it real exactly it's funny
00:24:28
because my my mom always tells this
00:24:30
story of my first guitar
00:24:34
teacher uh shout out to Mrs uh Roseanne
00:24:37
wal trip uh may she rest in peace but
00:24:40
like she I rented a guitar from her and
00:24:43
it was just a really crappy guitar it
00:24:45
was really bad and my parents had made a
00:24:47
deal with me they said hey if you do
00:24:48
this for 6 months and you want to keep
00:24:50
going we'll buy you a guitar and I was
00:24:52
like okay great so I did it for 6 months
00:24:54
and they were like okay do you want to
00:24:56
keep going I said yes and they they
00:24:58
could not believe it because they were
00:24:59
like he sucks at Guitar like he's really
00:25:02
bad at it um but they were like okay
00:25:04
well you know A promise is a promise
00:25:06
they took me to buy a guitar um they we
00:25:09
ended up getting a really nice guitar um
00:25:12
and I still have it to this day it's
00:25:13
like one of the most beautiful guitars
00:25:15
I've had like professional musicians be
00:25:17
like this guitar is beautiful and
00:25:19
amazing um so thank you Mom and Dad for
00:25:22
a wonderful guitar that makes a lot of
00:25:24
people jealous but literally they put it
00:25:26
in my hands I refused to play it in the
00:25:27
store because I was was too embarrassed
00:25:30
went home we bought the thing I went
00:25:31
home started playing guitar and they
00:25:33
both went oh my gosh he can play guitar
00:25:35
um I had been playing such a crappy like
00:25:37
Kmart guitar that it just didn't sound
00:25:40
good like the guitar itself just didn't
00:25:42
sound good um and yeah and then Flash
00:25:45
Forward a couple years and like taking
00:25:47
lessons with your dad and he taught me a
00:25:49
lot more about playing electric guitar
00:25:50
and how to run a music studio and how to
00:25:52
play bass and he tried to teach me how
00:25:54
to play drums still can't do it um but
00:25:58
that's okay and uh but yeah he was just
00:26:00
like super Musical and so it was always
00:26:02
cool too when we would all get in the
00:26:03
studio and be able to record together
00:26:06
and you know and obviously hearing your
00:26:09
music now it makes me so happy cuz like
00:26:11
one I love jazz music um and and stuff
00:26:14
so um I'm always telling my friends I'm
00:26:16
like oh I got this friend she's putting
00:26:18
out jazz albums uh you should go check
00:26:19
them out so anyway shout out to you I
00:26:23
don't well disclaimer for the Jazz uh
00:26:26
Specialists out there that are listening
00:26:27
is not I wouldn't call my album a jazz
00:26:30
album okay don't come for me because
00:26:32
it's technically like Jazzy inspired pop
00:26:34
for that album but I also do jazz I do
00:26:37
real Jazz too yes just claimer no yeah
00:26:41
yeah well when I saw uh at one point you
00:26:43
got to perform with um I I'm blinking on
00:26:46
the guy's name but he plays like upright
00:26:51
base he plays uh upright base and um you
00:26:56
know who I'm talking about I'm trying to
00:26:57
remember what their YouTube channel was
00:26:59
but they used to take like pop songs and
00:27:01
make them into like a jazz version of it
00:27:03
and I I sell a picture that you get to
00:27:04
or maybe a video of you performing with
00:27:06
him and I was like oh my gosh I know who
00:27:07
that is yeah that was so cool yeah it
00:27:10
was actually so fun um his name's Casey
00:27:12
Abrams he's like one of my favorite
00:27:15
musicians he works with postmodern
00:27:18
jukebox and everything and he had a show
00:27:19
in Ventura where I like that's our
00:27:22
that's my hometown and so I was like um
00:27:25
obviously I'm going and i' had already
00:27:26
seen him live like multiple times in
00:27:28
like previous years but yeah I like it
00:27:31
was so fun he was so incredibly kind I
00:27:33
like got to jump on stage with him for
00:27:35
his show like halfway through and do
00:27:38
like a duet with him on the spot just on
00:27:40
the Fly and he's like literally amazing
00:27:42
I love his music so much that was cool
00:27:44
that was a cool thing that happened like
00:27:47
a while ago now but I still remember it
00:27:49
cuz it was such a fun time and he's the
00:27:51
best that's awesome no I'm so I I love
00:27:54
getting to see my friends like do cool
00:27:56
stuff you know it's like it's so cool
00:27:58
and um yeah I'm hoping that at some
00:28:00
point when I'm in town you have a
00:28:02
concert and I can come I mean I've seen
00:28:04
you perform before but it's usually been
00:28:06
at like a homeschool talent show um kind
00:28:10
of thing or like in my backyard or uh in
00:28:12
the studio go oh my gosh yeah wait yes
00:28:15
at cuz you sorry I didn't mean it I got
00:28:17
excited go for it but um at like our
00:28:19
little homeschool dances this was me
00:28:22
little my little like selfstarter self
00:28:24
as we're saying um they had like a live
00:28:27
band that would play it these dances
00:28:29
that were like vintage like 50s stuff
00:28:32
and I just like went up to one of the
00:28:35
organizers and I was like hey so I
00:28:36
noticed that the band takes breaks um in
00:28:39
between sets can I like perform right
00:28:42
then like when they're on a break like
00:28:43
can I do a performance can I just insert
00:28:46
myself yeah and they were like oh yeah I
00:28:49
guess so uh make sure it's like clean
00:28:51
and wholesome and I was like okay bet uh
00:28:54
I'm not going to go up and do like
00:28:56
something crazy so I just did my little
00:28:58
postmodern jukebox karaoke tracks and I
00:29:00
just popped up there and like saying
00:29:03
while the band was on a break and got
00:29:05
got the whole room going hyping
00:29:07
everybody up and I would just yeah I
00:29:10
like no one asked no one asked for that
00:29:12
why did
00:29:13
I I looked the videos I'm like this is
00:29:15
so cringe but like you go I think
00:29:17
somebody gave me like a dollar once just
00:29:19
out of like charity I don't know you got
00:29:21
to put yourself out there especially as
00:29:22
a got have you got to embarrass yourself
00:29:25
sometimes you know exactly EX exactly
00:29:28
there is a video of me online uh with
00:29:32
Derry uh doing a song at one of our uh
00:29:36
talent shows and every year it gets sent
00:29:38
to me by like six people when it pops up
00:29:40
in their Facebook you know memories page
00:29:43
or whatever and and I love it I I love
00:29:45
watching it it's super cringey and I
00:29:47
feel really awkward about it but at the
00:29:48
same time like I do love that that was
00:29:50
like something we got to do part of
00:29:53
History you know exactly exactly and
00:29:56
every now and then you know you get
00:29:58
those friends and you get chitchatting
00:30:00
about the past and you bring that stuff
00:30:02
up and it's like oh yeah I remember you
00:30:04
know you got to do this or like I
00:30:06
remember seeing you sing at this thing
00:30:07
and it was so cool like you know we were
00:30:09
so proud of you and whatever and like I
00:30:11
just I love that you know it's like we
00:30:14
all it's it's cringey to look back on
00:30:16
but it was like so fantastic in the
00:30:18
moment so um yeah that's and you brought
00:30:20
up one of my favorite yeah absolutely
00:30:24
and you brought up one of my favorite
00:30:25
pastimes um which I think I've brought
00:30:27
up successfully on every interview that
00:30:28
I've done which is like the swing dances
00:30:30
of achieve take a shot every time Jacob
00:30:33
brings
00:30:35
up exactly um yeah yeah drink new
00:30:38
drinking game the ex- homeschoolers Club
00:30:40
drinking game um but um you were also
00:30:44
really big in the the swing dance
00:30:47
culture my gosh yes we have to talk
00:30:49
about this cuz oh my gosh uh I was like
00:30:52
your little your little student that
00:30:54
like carried the banner after you
00:30:56
graduated I'm just like I don't even
00:30:59
know if you knew this exactly cuz you
00:31:00
were gone but in case you didn't know I
00:31:03
like took lessons guys I took swing
00:31:06
dance lessons from Jacob cuz he was so
00:31:10
cool and you know knew what he was doing
00:31:12
and I was terrified and 14 and didn't
00:31:14
know like how to do anything related to
00:31:18
dance and he like taught lessons they
00:31:20
would have like these classes like at
00:31:23
what like backyards basically I don't
00:31:25
know you were like dedicated um yeah
00:31:28
yeah I don't know I'm trying to remember
00:31:29
but I remember learning from you guys
00:31:31
and then after you guys graduated I like
00:31:34
realized that this is no shade but also
00:31:37
shade like the dancing at the dances was
00:31:39
like not it I was like these people do
00:31:42
not know how to
00:31:43
dance we're without our leader and I
00:31:47
appreciate taking it up was I appreciate
00:31:50
you taking it up because I had learned
00:31:53
from the Bozarth family and um and they
00:31:56
had taken they had actually taking
00:31:58
lessons at uh the house of dance in
00:32:00
Ventura and so yeah so I took lessons
00:32:03
from them and then I took the lessons at
00:32:04
House of dance which I know a lot of
00:32:06
people also took lessons there um and
00:32:08
then yeah by the time I don't know those
00:32:10
last couple years of High School uh yeah
00:32:13
I was teaching every summer in my
00:32:15
backyard and then every now and then
00:32:17
we'd also do a dance lesson at the at
00:32:19
the dances themselves and show people
00:32:21
how to do something and um yeah and I
00:32:23
remember yeah you were one of my
00:32:25
students and um but I'm glad that you
00:32:27
took it up because yeah that was one of
00:32:28
the things that when I left I knew I
00:32:31
knew my sister wasn't going to take it
00:32:32
up and I didn't really know who else was
00:32:34
going to like interested in it and I
00:32:37
just kind of was like I don't know I
00:32:38
didn't pass it to anybody I just said
00:32:41
you know have at it and um some glad I'm
00:32:45
glad that you took it up well you can't
00:32:47
blame anyone for what they don't know
00:32:49
you know they just didn't know I was
00:32:51
just noticing I was like I don't really
00:32:52
want to go to a dance and get asked the
00:32:54
dance and there's like no rhythm or like
00:32:58
like it's just awkward if you are trying
00:33:00
and you don't know what you're doing and
00:33:01
how are you supposed to know if you
00:33:02
haven't learned you know so yeah it's
00:33:06
nice when people are like new to like
00:33:08
high school and like this little
00:33:11
community that we had it's like okay
00:33:13
I'll me and it was another friend from
00:33:16
the like who was also like a little a
00:33:19
little star I think he'd taken some
00:33:20
lessons and um so I was like do you want
00:33:24
to have an alliance with me what's that
00:33:26
quote um and he was like absolutely I do
00:33:30
and then we were like let's also make
00:33:32
some money over the summer and then like
00:33:34
help these kids out cuz how they
00:33:36
supposed to know and then we just
00:33:37
started making up our own moves too and
00:33:39
just like gaslighting them a little bit
00:33:40
cuz why not it was fun and so we'd be
00:33:42
like yeah this is a swing dance move we
00:33:44
just made it
00:33:45
up yeah um but it was cool like the be
00:33:49
creative why the dances were super fun
00:33:51
and yeah super creative and I think the
00:33:54
only real downside to the school dances
00:33:56
was the fact that we had like and it and
00:33:59
it like I don't I don't want to say it
00:34:00
was an insane dress code but it was kind
00:34:02
of an insane dress code it was kind of
00:34:04
insane and it was much worse for the
00:34:06
girls um so I apologize for that because
00:34:09
like guys could get away with as long as
00:34:11
we wore slacks in a button- down shirt
00:34:12
we were pretty much safe um but girls I
00:34:15
know you guys had to deal with like so
00:34:18
many more things um so I apologize for
00:34:21
that uh even though I had no control
00:34:22
over it it was your fault
00:34:24
actually how dare you yeah I mean
00:34:28
um just kiding sorry um no yeah no it
00:34:32
was so silly uh yeah we there's you know
00:34:37
it was a very religious like
00:34:40
organization in the sense it was very
00:34:42
faith-based and Christian and so there
00:34:44
was always there's extremes everywhere
00:34:46
you know no matter where you go but we
00:34:49
our dress code was very like traditional
00:34:51
which I I know happens in like private
00:34:52
schools and stuff too but like I do
00:34:55
remember like the skirts had to be like
00:34:57
below your knee and like the the people
00:35:01
who were like enforcing it were like
00:35:02
committed they were like committed to
00:35:03
the bit like I remember going in and
00:35:06
like one time they were like okay no you
00:35:08
have to like get on your knees so we can
00:35:09
like see that your dress is like
00:35:11
touching the or your skirt is like
00:35:12
touching the floor and then they would
00:35:13
literally send you home if like your
00:35:15
kneecap was showing and come on like
00:35:19
imagine you're like so excited to like
00:35:20
go to this dance and like see all your
00:35:22
friends cuz you're like sad little
00:35:24
homeschooler no just kidding well we
00:35:26
fine but it's exciting it's like oh wow
00:35:29
to like I've been taking classes from
00:35:31
Jacob Cen and I want to I want to go
00:35:34
dance and then they're like literally
00:35:37
embarrassing you in front of everyone
00:35:39
like you know there's a lot there's a
00:35:42
lot of
00:35:44
psychological like impact well it plays
00:35:46
a lot
00:35:48
into yeah it plays a lot into I mean
00:35:52
again it was like a religious
00:35:53
organization so I mean there is a lot of
00:35:54
that like that Purity culture mentality
00:35:57
of like girls have a responsibility to
00:36:00
like you know dress a certain way and be
00:36:03
a certain way and like you know cuz guys
00:36:05
are animals and we can't control
00:36:07
ourselves and and things like that which
00:36:09
is uh there needs to be a lot more
00:36:11
responsibility put on on guys especially
00:36:13
young guys to to learn how to just like
00:36:17
compose you know have composure and like
00:36:19
understand when situations are um you
00:36:23
know not a sexual situation so to speak
00:36:26
right it's crazy sorry you can't my I
00:36:28
don't think you can see my face but I've
00:36:29
been making a lot of facial expressions
00:36:30
as you're talking like dramatic you know
00:36:34
throwing up miming anyway continue yeah
00:36:37
yeah well that's a whole another can of
00:36:38
worms which I I don't even think we're
00:36:40
going to have time to get into like the
00:36:42
mime stuff so we might have to do a part
00:36:44
two um just to talk about like the MIM
00:36:47
troop and stuff but I love that that's
00:36:49
just a casual sentence like someone's
00:36:51
listening and they have no idea what
00:36:52
we're talking about like oh yeah you
00:36:53
know the mime troop
00:36:54
anyway yeah you know it's just a
00:36:56
homeschool thing you know you had to be
00:36:59
there and you know yeah next episode
00:37:03
yeah next episode yeah there will yeah
00:37:04
there's going to have to be part to um
00:37:06
just to touch on the mime stuff um maybe
00:37:10
maybe I'll reassemble some of the mime
00:37:11
team and we can do a group chat or
00:37:13
something bezy um and talk about that
00:37:16
but uh but one of the things one of the
00:37:19
things that um I get asked a lot um and
00:37:23
I know you will probably get asked this
00:37:25
is like uh people who are
00:37:28
either just become parents or they have
00:37:30
they are parents and they're thinking
00:37:31
about homeschooling their kids like I
00:37:32
get asked all the time like oh would you
00:37:34
recommend homeschooling your kids and
00:37:36
like I think overall you and I had
00:37:38
decent experiences homeschooled but like
00:37:41
is that something when if someone's
00:37:42
coming to you and asking you that like
00:37:43
what do you what goes through your head
00:37:45
when you're answering
00:37:47
that yeah
00:37:50
um I
00:37:55
think I don't know I me it's a little
00:37:58
tricky because I never had the
00:38:01
comparison of being public schooled um
00:38:04
MH to say like one is better but I think
00:38:08
there's a lot of downsides of
00:38:10
homeschooling and there are some pros
00:38:13
but I think it's very situational like I
00:38:16
think if you're the type of person who's
00:38:18
very like independent and can work at
00:38:21
your own pace and like or maybe you're
00:38:25
like a musician that's touring at 15 I
00:38:28
don't know like there are lots of
00:38:30
situations that I think homeschooling
00:38:32
can be a good thing um to like have your
00:38:35
own pace and it's like you're spending a
00:38:36
lot of time with your family and that's
00:38:38
good that can be good you know like
00:38:40
you're bonding you have good
00:38:41
relationships hopefully with your family
00:38:44
maybe so like there can be a lot of
00:38:46
amazing things and I'm very grateful for
00:38:48
like you know I was able to work and I
00:38:51
was able to like do all these cool
00:38:52
creative things
00:38:54
um but I think i al there was also just
00:38:58
so many Extremes in our setting with
00:39:02
like just with the like like we're
00:39:05
talking about we just kind of briefly
00:39:07
talked about like the dress codes that's
00:39:08
just sort of like the surface of just
00:39:11
some sort of like social norms that
00:39:13
should not have been social norms about
00:39:16
like women's like bodily autonomy and
00:39:20
like there's like a lot that we could
00:39:22
get into about sort of the psychological
00:39:25
impacts of like being in this little
00:39:28
bubble
00:39:30
um that it felt like a bubble to me um
00:39:33
so I don't know it's like I think if you
00:39:36
were going to homeschool you your you'll
00:39:39
homeschool your kids um homeschool your
00:39:41
kids uh I think that it should just be
00:39:46
like not so overly spiritualized with
00:39:50
every single thing ever I think if
00:39:53
you're like religious that's cool like
00:39:55
I'm never judging anybody I think that's
00:39:56
awesome and but like I don't know like
00:40:01
Don't Force It On Your Kids my family
00:40:03
wasn't like that but there was a lot of
00:40:04
you know instances where it's like this
00:40:06
is the way the world is this is the way
00:40:08
this is what you have to think and what
00:40:09
you have to believe and it would bleed
00:40:11
into academics too of like so like
00:40:14
evolution is fake and like this is
00:40:17
history um basically like Jesus is
00:40:21
amazing and these like groups in history
00:40:24
are amazing and Spanish Inquisition
00:40:26
Spanish Inquisition like oh that
00:40:28
happened real quick but like anyways
00:40:29
we're moving on Christians are great
00:40:30
like there's a lot of like bias in my
00:40:34
academics that I was like kind of a lot
00:40:37
so I think uh it took a while for me to
00:40:40
sort of unpack and again like there's
00:40:43
nothing wrong every should have their
00:40:44
own belief about everything in the sense
00:40:46
of you know choose to be like religious
00:40:49
choose to not be religious like I don't
00:40:52
know just like I don't want I don't
00:40:53
really Vibe with the forcing of you know
00:40:57
like B into academics especially like
00:41:00
there should I don't know like if you're
00:41:02
going to homeschool your kids give them
00:41:04
like a variety of like information teach
00:41:06
them how to research teach them how to
00:41:08
you know like evaluate information and
00:41:11
question have questions for things and
00:41:14
think critically you know and like you
00:41:18
know like I don't think homeschooling is
00:41:19
the villain I think it's just people can
00:41:22
be extreme and that can be rough so just
00:41:24
don't be
00:41:25
extreme absolutely no and I mean there's
00:41:28
a big obviously there are a lot of
00:41:30
people who homeschool their kids for
00:41:32
religious reasons right because they you
00:41:35
know the school system is broken or they
00:41:37
you know they believe that the school
00:41:38
system is broken or indoctrinating kids
00:41:41
with like lies and evil yeah exactly and
00:41:44
and so they want to protect their kids
00:41:46
from that and so I think it goes into
00:41:48
you know it it ties into you know
00:41:50
homeschool kids are tend to be sheltered
00:41:53
right because it's mom and dad trying to
00:41:54
keep keep the big bad wolf out at Bay
00:41:57
kind of a thing and you know I think
00:42:00
ultimately like you said it comes down
00:42:02
to like you got to figure out what works
00:42:03
for you but it it is a lot of like I
00:42:06
think it's important for parents to be
00:42:07
heavily involved in their kids education
00:42:09
but it's also their responsibility to
00:42:11
make sure they're doing the best by
00:42:13
their kids and I agree with you there's
00:42:14
a lot of things that like I was taught
00:42:17
through our textbooks and things like
00:42:19
that of just like through that lens of
00:42:21
Christianity and it really skewed the
00:42:24
way I looked at things until I got to
00:42:26
college
00:42:28
um and even after college and starting
00:42:29
to actually like read other history
00:42:31
books and start to kind of develop you
00:42:34
know new feelings around different
00:42:35
things and being like wait what we
00:42:37
skipped over all of this or you know or
00:42:39
you know not understanding like how
00:42:41
Evolution uh you know is thought to be
00:42:44
right it it is a theory but it's like
00:42:46
okay well that's one you know that's a
00:42:48
possibility um and so you know when you
00:42:50
start to look at everything you go oh my
00:42:51
gosh like there's so many things that
00:42:54
were just skewed from this one lens um
00:42:56
yeah of
00:42:58
feared go ahead sorry no absolutely a
00:43:02
lot of fear-based um type stuff as well
00:43:05
yeah and I was going to I was thinking
00:43:07
about this also um something I noticed
00:43:11
even while I was like in the bubble is
00:43:13
that a lot of homeschool parents have
00:43:15
like been through so much in their lives
00:43:17
bro like I remember kind of talking to
00:43:19
the homeschool moms once I was like a
00:43:20
little older in high school and I was
00:43:22
like are you okay like they've had hard
00:43:26
Liv a lot I just it's not always but
00:43:28
it's like a pattern that I noticed that
00:43:30
like the parents that have been through
00:43:32
like crazy crazy stuff were the ones
00:43:35
that were like being the most
00:43:36
overprotective and Sheltering their kids
00:43:39
you know because and it's like not to
00:43:41
like justify like you shouldn't like
00:43:43
hide your kids away from the world but
00:43:45
like it just kind of puts some context
00:43:47
to it of like they went through so many
00:43:49
bad things and they obviously don't want
00:43:50
their kids to have experience in those
00:43:53
bad things but you just can't protect
00:43:55
your kid from everything you know
00:43:57
so it's like a balance everything but it
00:43:59
was something I noticed to like you know
00:44:01
give them some throw them a bone like
00:44:03
okay yeah there's all these crazy dress
00:44:04
codes and crazy like you know whatever
00:44:07
rules or like very legalistic sometimes
00:44:10
or a lot of you know extremes but like
00:44:15
they're they're clinging for structure
00:44:17
in a world where they kind of had none
00:44:19
and probably nobody was looking out for
00:44:20
them you know and so they want to look
00:44:22
out for their kids which is I it's like
00:44:24
I get it but like it doesn't really work
00:44:28
to like swing to the Other Extreme you
00:44:29
know yeah I think what was hard too and
00:44:32
you and I kind of talked about this
00:44:33
before we hit recording too was like you
00:44:35
know you're growing up in yeah you and I
00:44:37
grew up in a great we had Community we
00:44:39
had friends like the the antisocial
00:44:42
myths that exist around uh like
00:44:44
homeschooling kind of I don't feel like
00:44:46
existed so much in our friend group
00:44:48
however there was still bubbles
00:44:50
associated with like what was going on
00:44:52
in in family's like personal lives you
00:44:55
know and a lot of times the when we
00:44:57
would get together everything was
00:44:59
presented as like it's all good right
00:45:01
everybody's kind of same Pace mom and
00:45:04
dad are happy you know things aren't
00:45:06
things bad things aren't happening um
00:45:08
you know and but the reality was like
00:45:11
families were like falling apart behind
00:45:13
the scenes um and you know and you know
00:45:17
things were happening to kids they were
00:45:19
being potentially put in unsafe
00:45:21
situations and and you know and so it's
00:45:24
really interesting because yeah that was
00:45:27
one of the things we were chatting about
00:45:28
was like had we been in more of a
00:45:30
Traditional School situation would
00:45:32
teachers and staff at those schools
00:45:35
maybe have picked up on things that we
00:45:37
just couldn't pick up on because well
00:45:40
none of us were like trained therapists
00:45:41
you know yeah yes exactly and yeah
00:45:46
that's something that we were talking
00:45:47
about is that you know if a kid is going
00:45:50
to school like a young kid there's
00:45:54
ideally teachers that are trained and
00:45:57
you know have been certified to spot
00:46:00
certain things if maybe the child is
00:46:02
unsafe or maybe they're going through
00:46:05
something at home like there are PE
00:46:07
there's a wide variety hopefully you
00:46:09
know this is people fail all the time so
00:46:12
you know it's not like everything's
00:46:13
perfect in real school and not in home
00:46:15
school but like in general you know when
00:46:18
you're in a community a larger community
00:46:20
of people that aren't just your your
00:46:23
your friends or family friends like
00:46:26
there's just there can be more
00:46:27
accountability I feel like in
00:46:29
homeschooling can be isolating
00:46:31
like especially in the family bubbles
00:46:34
because it's just it can be scary and
00:46:36
and I'm speaking from like experience of
00:46:39
people that I know that basically when I
00:46:41
was in my like homeschool world I kind
00:46:43
of thought everything was fine because
00:46:45
everybody was like we're fine we're put
00:46:46
together and I think that's also like I
00:46:49
don't know sort of the self-image that
00:46:51
comes with that like Evangelical
00:46:53
Christianity and a lot of Christianity
00:46:56
where it can be you know like we have to
00:46:58
look like everything's good like we're
00:47:00
representing Christ we have to look like
00:47:02
him we have to be like him and that can
00:47:04
kind of get twisted into like we need to
00:47:06
keep a front you know if we're failing
00:47:09
like we need to look like we have it all
00:47:11
together and um and so there was a lot
00:47:14
of things that I learned about after
00:47:17
like graduating that are heartbreaking
00:47:19
and horrible and people that were in
00:47:22
family situations that were very unsafe
00:47:24
and they went through so much and they
00:47:27
should never have had to experience that
00:47:29
and that's horrible and honestly The
00:47:31
Homeschool aspect exaggerated that in
00:47:34
the sense of they didn't really have
00:47:36
anywhere to go maybe their family was a
00:47:38
lot more we're doing our own education
00:47:40
alone you don't get to go to those
00:47:41
groups you know and who do you go to
00:47:44
like your neighbor like you don't have
00:47:46
like you know certified um H sorry
00:47:52
mandatory reporters yeah um you don't
00:47:54
have those resources and it's just it
00:47:56
can can be really scary and it wasn't
00:47:59
even something that I thought about
00:48:00
because I was you know privileged to
00:48:03
have like a safe family environment but
00:48:05
not everybody experiences that and
00:48:07
you're just born into whatever world
00:48:09
you're born into and you know it's scary
00:48:12
it can be scary and I do say yeah
00:48:15
homeschooling can you know make those
00:48:19
situations can increase the isolation in
00:48:21
those situations you know absolutely
00:48:24
absolutely no I I 100% agree with you
00:48:26
and think I'm so thankful that both of
00:48:27
us grew up in households that were safe
00:48:31
and hopefully provided some safety for
00:48:34
um people in our community um you know
00:48:38
and but yeah but it it definitely it
00:48:40
definitely existed and that was it was
00:48:42
weird it's weird because like you I
00:48:44
learned about a lot of things after the
00:48:46
fact and I was like oh you know oh
00:48:50
that's you know I I wish I would have
00:48:52
noticed earlier you know and there's
00:48:54
obviously nothing we can do to go back
00:48:55
and change certain things but you know
00:48:57
to bring awareness to that those types
00:48:59
of things is very important and so yeah
00:49:02
so again if you see something say
00:49:04
something that's um always very
00:49:06
important and if something ever feels
00:49:08
off uh with your friends you know please
00:49:11
like speak up um and tell people because
00:49:14
uh yeah there there is help that exists
00:49:16
out there um but not to leave everything
00:49:19
on a super dark note um but I I have
00:49:23
really enjoyed talking with you and I do
00:49:24
want to have you back at some point to
00:49:26
talk about uh the mime team um
00:49:30
and um and the cringiness that existed
00:49:33
there but um and uh and maybe some other
00:49:36
things as well but um ellia this has
00:49:38
been freaking fantastic I love catching
00:49:40
up with you and chatting with you um is
00:49:43
there anywhere you want to send people
00:49:45
to hear your music check out I don't
00:49:48
know music videos whatever you know is
00:49:50
there anything you want to plug there
00:49:52
thank you so much for that opportunity I
00:49:54
will totally yep about my music
00:49:58
um I am on Spotify Apple music all the
00:50:01
streaming services um you can check out
00:50:04
my album that we talked about it's just
00:50:06
under my name ellia France which is kind
00:50:09
of hard to spell so maybe reference I
00:50:11
don't know if it's going to be like in
00:50:12
the title of the podcast okay Co I'll
00:50:14
put it in the show notes you link to
00:50:16
everything um and so I would love if you
00:50:19
know you checked out my music maybe
00:50:21
you'll love it maybe you'll hate it but
00:50:22
hey uh thanks for thanks for streaming
00:50:26
um and so you can follow me on Instagram
00:50:28
that's where I do a lot of my posting
00:50:30
for music and things which is just aliia
00:50:33
France music and I also have a band of
00:50:36
my own that's newer and it's called
00:50:38
vinyl sunsets uh that's on Instagram and
00:50:43
you can check us out there so thank you
00:50:45
for the the plug I will gladly be my
00:50:48
selfstarter self and grow it out
00:50:51
there very cool well I didn't know about
00:50:54
the band so um so I'll be do following
00:50:57
right after this um but uh but yeah
00:51:00
definitely go Give ellia a listen and if
00:51:02
you enjoyed this episode you know
00:51:03
remember to subscribe follow leave a
00:51:05
rating a thumbs up whatever you got to
00:51:07
do on any of the platforms and uh yeah
00:51:10
this has been this episode of the exom
00:51:12
schoolers Club until next time we'll see
00:51:14
you later right see you later
00:51:18
peace all right we just hit we stopped
00:51:20
the recording but it's okay because we
00:51:22
had one more thought that we needed to
00:51:23
add uh in regards to dress code at the
00:51:26
dances so OT hit me what you got
00:51:28
basically um so I was saying about like
00:51:33
the strict dress codes um for dances
00:51:36
and essentially like following what
00:51:39
Jacob was saying
00:51:40
of what was sort of being said without
00:51:44
words was that um it was the woman's
00:51:48
respons it was the girl little girl
00:51:50
girl's responsibility to
00:51:53
basically um kind of control
00:51:56
men's like urges and and feelings
00:52:00
towards them like because there is so
00:52:03
much attention on how women need to
00:52:06
dress themselves and how they need to
00:52:07
cover up themselves and there was sort
00:52:09
of these you know speeches that were
00:52:11
given to us where you know men are sort
00:52:14
of like just animalistic in nature and
00:52:17
it's hard for them to control themselves
00:52:20
and so we as women it's our job it's our
00:52:22
responsibility to help them um stay like
00:52:26
pure and holy and it was like you know
00:52:32
it was very much like preached to us in
00:52:34
that sense from like the community and
00:52:38
and then it was sort of carried out with
00:52:40
those dress codes not just there but in
00:52:42
other like spaces in that whole
00:52:44
Community um and there was so many like
00:52:48
talks given to girls about that topic
00:52:52
and how it was our job and I wasn't you
00:52:55
know a male so
00:52:57
I don't know what talks the men were
00:52:58
given to but I'm pretty sure it was less
00:53:02
about in in general there wasn't as much
00:53:05
focus on these things of taking
00:53:08
responsibility for yourself and managing
00:53:10
your own emotions you know it's puberty
00:53:12
it's rough like I'm not saying that like
00:53:14
it's easy
00:53:16
but you know there wasn't like an equal
00:53:20
focus on both ends of hey you need to
00:53:23
take accountability you need to work on
00:53:27
holding yourself accountable and that's
00:53:29
your job you know what I mean it felt
00:53:31
like it was very much not not equal
00:53:34
focus and that can be so dangerous like
00:53:38
quite literally so dangerous because as
00:53:41
we were saying like unsafe situations
00:53:44
like it is so much harder to speak out
00:53:46
if something happens to you as a woman
00:53:48
when you think it's you've been taught
00:53:49
your whole life that it's your fault and
00:53:50
your responsibility and your job to
00:53:53
control that like yes that's crazy like
00:53:57
you know outside of it now that my
00:53:58
prefrontal cortex is like a bit you know
00:54:01
further along like what like that's a
00:54:04
direct pipeline you know you
00:54:07
are you are 100% correct because the
00:54:11
thing that the that us young boys were
00:54:14
being taught was that
00:54:17
like women had a responsibility to
00:54:20
present themselves in a way that was not
00:54:23
um like seductive sexual in those ways
00:54:28
right and so but we weren't being taught
00:54:30
that like we also as guys had a
00:54:33
responsibility to like to put things in
00:54:36
the context of what it was right and so
00:54:38
I use this example quite a bit with
00:54:40
people when I talk about this because we
00:54:42
GRE up in Southern California you go to
00:54:43
the beach a million girls are at the
00:54:46
beach in bikinis right basically
00:54:48
underwear as a guy you have to put it
00:54:51
into the context that this is not a
00:54:53
sexual situation right now and so I need
00:54:56
to not be I need to be mindful of what
00:54:59
I'm seeing um and how I'm reacting to it
00:55:03
and that was like something that just
00:55:06
didn't get taught and so it was always
00:55:08
really interesting to me because there
00:55:10
were certain members of our friend group
00:55:14
who like they just couldn't control
00:55:15
themselves you know it's just like you'd
00:55:18
walk by some girls at the beach and like
00:55:19
they couldn't help but like look or
00:55:21
whatever and it's hard because I don't
00:55:24
want to say that looking in itself is
00:55:25
not like I don't I don't even want to
00:55:28
say it's not bad but it's like it you
00:55:31
ackn to acknowledge people in the world
00:55:33
is like not bad but what you do with
00:55:36
that information in your brain is like
00:55:38
that's the important part it's like what
00:55:40
are you doing how are you processing
00:55:41
that information it's like you know is
00:55:43
it in that context of like this is not a
00:55:45
sexual thing you know and like you said
00:55:48
if if the girls had this felt this
00:55:50
responsibility to like we have to dress
00:55:52
a certain way and if a guy comes on to
00:55:54
me in a certain way or says a certain
00:55:55
things or touches me inappropriately or
00:55:57
whatever it's somehow your fault that is
00:55:59
totally not the truth um because as guys
00:56:02
it is our responsibility to one be
00:56:04
looking out for our female friends um as
00:56:06
best we can and to protect them and you
00:56:10
know that does not include uh yeah you
00:56:12
know inappropriate touching does not
00:56:14
include like inappropriate text messages
00:56:17
speaking to them inappropriately like
00:56:19
they are our friends and it's our job to
00:56:22
like be like their friend and take care
00:56:25
of them and make them feel safe
00:56:27
and so anyway that's
00:56:30
that's no it's so true and it's like
00:56:32
obviously there is Grace for being a
00:56:34
literal teenager like that's not my I'm
00:56:36
not saying that like these teenagers
00:56:38
need to be perfect or like have to be
00:56:40
these adults already but it's like it's
00:56:43
it's just the lack of of conversation
00:56:46
and education and things like consent
00:56:48
and what that looks like is so scary
00:56:51
because it's like it was just like the
00:56:53
Assumption from the adults that like
00:56:54
obviously were Banning those things so
00:56:56
won't happen and that's just like the
00:56:57
dumbest thing ever like hello like
00:56:59
teenagers are going to be teenagers and
00:57:01
so when they do find themselves in
00:57:02
situations like they have no idea like
00:57:06
maybe they don't even know what is
00:57:08
inappropriate because it hasn't been
00:57:10
like taught to them you know in the
00:57:12
sense of like consent has to be
00:57:14
enthusiastic and it needs to be there
00:57:17
right enthusiastic consent oh my gosh
00:57:19
enthusiastic consent um there's also I I
00:57:23
work with somebody and they talk about
00:57:25
there is no such thing as Universal
00:57:26
consent um and so just because it
00:57:28
happened one time whether it's like
00:57:30
making out whether it's actually like um
00:57:33
having sex or doing a sex act like that
00:57:37
doesn't entitle you as a person to that
00:57:40
being the case every single time right
00:57:42
you have to receive consent every single
00:57:45
time um and and also if a person is
00:57:48
intoxicated or under the influence of
00:57:50
something like they physically are
00:57:52
unable to give consent that is just like
00:57:56
given and so um yeah enthusiastic
00:57:59
consent is like very much a yes um needs
00:58:03
to happen all the time um and men and
00:58:05
women are obviously and Men Women they
00:58:08
and thems are always um you know
00:58:11
everybody is at risk of something
00:58:13
happening to them um but it does
00:58:15
obviously tend to happen more from men
00:58:18
to women um and that is sadly so
00:58:21
unfortunate and I think within the
00:58:22
homeschool Community there's such a lack
00:58:24
of sex ed um because it's like sex is
00:58:27
bad sex is bad sex is bad sex is bad you
00:58:29
get buried oh sex is on the table and
00:58:31
it's a free-for-all buffet um for for
00:58:35
you to eat and it's like that is just
00:58:37
that's not the case um and you know um
00:58:41
but like you said as a teenager
00:58:43
especially as a hormonal teenager you
00:58:44
know what do you do with that and we're
00:58:46
taught that anything sexual is bad like
00:58:49
you repress a lot of that and it come
00:58:51
tends to come out a lot later in really
00:58:53
unfortunate ways um yeah what we can
00:58:56
talk about now as you know 10 or 6 years
00:58:59
out of it is you see
00:59:02
like like the adults that have come from
00:59:05
those groups like people that I grew up
00:59:07
with and like where are they now and
00:59:09
there's a lot of creeps out there
00:59:10
there's a lot and it's gross and it's
00:59:13
sad and it's like crazy like the actual
00:59:17
like frequency of it like it's not
00:59:19
normal I don't think and that's kind of
00:59:21
a scary thing because it's like it's
00:59:24
really not gosh like that's the it's
00:59:28
just like school it's just you're just a
00:59:29
teenager and whatever we're just going
00:59:30
to ignore that topic but that's like
00:59:32
such an important to topic because
00:59:34
that's the rest of your life that this
00:59:36
is such a formative time that like you
00:59:38
were saying like it's so like dumb to
00:59:43
just like avoid all of that in the sense
00:59:46
of like make all the girls cover up so
00:59:48
that the guys don't have to deal with it
00:59:50
that's not reality hello like it's just
00:59:52
so simp it's like first grade level of
00:59:54
like you're going to exist as an adult
00:59:56
like this is not it's not like hello you
01:00:00
know what I mean it's like obviously
01:00:02
people can have different opinions about
01:00:04
like what women I don't know should wear
01:00:07
but I just I mean I just think it should
01:00:09
be whatever you want and whatever you're
01:00:10
comfortable with I love majesty and I
01:00:13
love the opposite like do whatever it's
01:00:14
your it's you like do what you want and
01:00:17
like you have to you can't just expect
01:00:19
everyone to like accommodate to you
01:00:20
that's like so so silly so not reality
01:00:24
yeah well and I when it's funny because
01:00:27
when we when we talk about like girls
01:00:29
being modest I remember there being a
01:00:31
group of girls that would get together
01:00:32
every year before summer and they would
01:00:34
make their bathing suits because they
01:00:37
couldn't find a bathing suit in the
01:00:38
store and they were making like like
01:00:41
full long long sleeves with like shorts
01:00:44
and skirts that came down to your knees
01:00:46
and it was like utterly ridiculous and
01:00:47
it's one thing if you want to make that
01:00:49
it's one thing if you want to wear that
01:00:50
and you feel comfortable in that I don't
01:00:52
care but there was it was not I didn't
01:00:55
feel ever like it was like oh I want to
01:00:57
make this it was like I have to make
01:00:59
this and I have to wear this um and it's
01:01:02
such a double standard because as guys
01:01:04
you know we got to wear shorts and take
01:01:06
our shirts off at the beach and you know
01:01:10
and there's kind of because of the fact
01:01:12
that we also grew up in a
01:01:14
heteronormative MH group um it's so much
01:01:17
of like you know girls shouldn't be
01:01:19
looking at guys sexually and guys
01:01:20
shouldn't be looking at girls sexually
01:01:22
but also like there was never any talk
01:01:24
either of like are we looking at the
01:01:26
same sex sexually um and things like
01:01:28
that and this is a whole rabbit hole
01:01:30
that we can obviously go down um and I
01:01:32
would love to have you back in chat more
01:01:33
about this because I'm also very
01:01:35
passionate about like this particular
01:01:36
thing um because it's just like utterly
01:01:42
insane to me um and and and and I have
01:01:46
experiences too of the of some of the
01:01:47
detrimental things that came out of that
01:01:49
of just like within my own sex life and
01:01:52
so um you know one of the things that I
01:01:56
have learned recently because growing up
01:01:58
it was always taught like masturbation
01:02:00
bad and like recently I've taken on more
01:02:03
of the phrase of like masturbation saves
01:02:05
lives um because you it is a part of
01:02:08
like teaching yourself that like sex is
01:02:10
a healthy natural part of life um but it
01:02:12
has to be done in the right context um
01:02:15
with a consenting partner uh with
01:02:17
enthusiastic consent um and things like
01:02:20
that so yeah no yeah it's so true it's
01:02:22
just like you can't avoid all of that
01:02:24
it's like being a teenager is like the
01:02:27
perfect time to have those un like
01:02:30
uncomfortable conversations and it's
01:02:32
like I know that that's not just a
01:02:34
homeschooler thing I know that can be a
01:02:35
universal thing which is sort of like I
01:02:37
feel like the older generation is like
01:02:38
we don't want to talk about that just
01:02:40
just figure it out you know it's like
01:02:42
it's it's an uncomfortable thing but
01:02:44
it's like it's just like the risks of
01:02:47
what we've seen can happen as those kids
01:02:51
go to adults without the right education
01:02:53
or with porn education and nothing else
01:02:57
pourn in guilt like that's it and you
01:03:00
know like it's scary what can sort of
01:03:03
happen later in life and even if it's
01:03:05
not the extreme of like turning into a
01:03:07
creep and turning into this like crazy
01:03:09
person like it's just like rough as an
01:03:12
individual to figure it out when you
01:03:14
feel like you should have had this
01:03:15
figured out already or you're having you
01:03:18
don't know what's normal and what's not
01:03:20
and it's just like overall like yeah you
01:03:23
just have to like have educ
01:03:26
not like not like taboo for that kind of
01:03:30
thing because it's it doesn't work it's
01:03:32
we know it doesn't work now so can we
01:03:34
just not do that again it doesn't yeah
01:03:37
yeah absolutely no abstinence uh and not
01:03:40
only just like teaching abstinence is
01:03:43
it's fine in practice if you choose to
01:03:45
but the idea of like this lack of let's
01:03:49
just like you said skip all talking
01:03:51
about it skip all everything just set
01:03:54
rules and boundaries around like
01:03:56
you know boys are blue and girls are red
01:03:58
and together they make purple and we're
01:03:59
not having any purple be made um kind of
01:04:01
a thing it's like it's dumb it's like
01:04:03
you actually need to understand what is
01:04:05
going on in the human body and what sex
01:04:07
looks like and yeah how to show
01:04:10
enthusiastic consent when necessary and
01:04:13
things like that and one I mean and just
01:04:17
to you know there are plenty of things
01:04:19
out there now to educate people and to
01:04:21
help with that education because
01:04:22
obviously it is very embarrassing to
01:04:24
talk with Mom and Dad
01:04:27
and Mom and Dad I'm sure it is very
01:04:28
embarrassing to tell your kids about the
01:04:30
birds and the bees um and how all that
01:04:33
all that stuff works nobody wants to do
01:04:35
that but there are so many great books
01:04:37
there's so many great podcasts there's
01:04:38
so many great like documentaries and
01:04:39
other things out there to help with like
01:04:42
understanding how the human body works
01:04:43
how the mind works how I mean your mind
01:04:46
is your biggest sex organ so you know
01:04:48
how all of those things work in
01:04:50
conjunction and can work in a very
01:04:51
healthy and mature and natural way um to
01:04:56
give everyone like the best experience
01:04:57
possible yeah so yes it's so important
01:05:00
so important and we you know we've
01:05:04
talked we've seen we've seen the the
01:05:06
results of where where you don't want to
01:05:09
end up at not going to not going to like
01:05:12
call anybody out obviously but you know
01:05:16
it was also not people in the community
01:05:17
it was like coaches that I had or like
01:05:20
outside of all of my circles or whatever
01:05:23
that you know maybe were pastors or
01:05:26
maybe were these things and then it's
01:05:27
like scary what can happen when there's
01:05:32
just like no outside support or
01:05:34
education or anything and you're just
01:05:36
kind of like left to your own devices
01:05:39
and it's like some people good it's not
01:05:42
good it's not good like yeah anyway that
01:05:46
was not like very academic speaking but
01:05:48
you know it's just just yeah yeah
01:05:52
yeah I yes I 100% agree with you
01:05:56
and um yeah that is no that is very key
01:05:59
and so I appreciate you bringing that up
01:06:01
and wanting to hit record again to touch
01:06:03
on that um because that is super
01:06:05
important and you know and so yeah Mom
01:06:09
Dad talk to your kids about sex um
01:06:11
andent especially because if nothing
01:06:13
else that is super important and um I
01:06:15
know we said it at the yeah if nothing
01:06:17
else consent um and understanding uh
01:06:20
bodily autonomy um but uh yeah and uh I
01:06:24
know we said it at the end of our
01:06:26
recording but like if you see something
01:06:29
say something and like stand up and
01:06:31
protect those people around you um
01:06:33
please please and thank you yes
01:06:35
absolutely be a good human
01:06:38
being yes all right thank you again was
01:06:42
so cool to talk to you about all the
01:06:43
things all the all the topics I hope the
01:06:46
listeners are enjoying yes
01:06:50
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01:06:56
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