00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:10
bad friends July weekend for you everyone good so good I got to Bobby's house for the Fourth of July party yeah and he made an announcement he goes the whites
00:00:21
are here the whites are here no because I was telling everyone at the party I go I can't wait for the whites to get here it was so Brown because it was so Brown
00:00:28
and uncomfortable for me because I grew up I do I cuz I grew up I grew up in both worlds yeah in Asian and brown and white
00:00:35
you had Brown down you had Brown yeah it's like if I was let's say I was a Jedi right and half my time I I grew up
00:00:43
in Tatooine and half my time I grew up in Hoth do you do you split your time yeah so what do you like more what do I like more so if I was in Hoth I'd be like um I can't wait for the sand people
00:00:55
to get here like if my 4th of July party was at in ho and the sand people would probably up in those woolly mammoths
00:01:01
yeah who would like to call the Eric Griffins and they would show up with the Eric Griffins M and they would get up
00:01:08
whatever they do with the sticks yeah yeah there they are there we are yeah the sand people that's me right yeah
00:01:15
that's you definitely closer to me than well that's how ethnic people and immigrants view white people white
00:01:21
people yeah with that that's kind of what we look we come with weapons and we look very scary very scary and all we
00:01:27
all we're really bringing is a tuna casserole but they're like these whites andd in The Mask you're mouthing the nword the whole time oh yeah the whole
00:01:34
time yeah yeah raal EP underne yeah yeah so just let that be known you guys are sand people sure I'm a sand people so anyway Sunday we're I was like when are the sand people going to get here and then um and then all of a sudden you
00:01:45
know I hear you guys you heard us coming you know me and you guys came we came and we had not only you yeah but you but you had so much Filipino food yeah which
00:01:57
I didn't touch you didn't have any of that I ate the Mexican food you ate the Mexican cuz there was a taco truck that
00:02:02
or I mean well there's two options you know like if it was just Filipino F I'd be like I guess this is
00:02:09
it do you like I have to survive and sustain myself yeah but I can't do two different ethnicities you can only you
00:02:16
can only pick one yeah yeah that's why I never go to Fusion restaurants yeah we do we've gone together yeah I hate them
00:02:22
though what what what Fusion Restaurant have we gone together Park's finest is Fusion not yeah no that's more Filipino
00:02:29
but it's also it's also Korean barbecue combined no it's not they do both that wasn't Korean barbecue at Park that par there's two parks by the way there's one on Vermont I know we talked about this
00:02:41
right we already talked about that and the one that you went to was a Filipino restaurant that we know a guy that runs
00:02:46
it right but they also had aore Korean F there was a Korean guy there there was no I was me yeah I was there you were
00:02:53
there well you were cooking yeah but I'm not working there I figure if you're there you're working they got to put you to work so anyway you and I tried the
00:03:01
Filipino food did you like any of the stuff who made all that stuff it was catered yeah catered did what's the
00:03:06
stuff that you like the most Filipino food no what what dishes I like the curry curry and the what's curry curry curry curry but they did do it with a little ACC it's not curry curry Cy C Cy
00:03:19
Cy yeah what is curry curry it's just Curry is it yellow or red no it's it's pork with like peanut butter um they
00:03:25
have their own version like peanut butter sa o curry curry Philippines phes so what was that there was Cur and then
00:03:31
there was crab legs sticking out of fried rice yeah I think that was also curry curry you guys don't need to leave
00:03:37
the legs in there you know that yeah it's yummy no but the but but it was like crawling out of yeah the shells
00:03:42
were like crawling out of the dish yeah are you that lazy take the meat out of the shell they crack it they crack the
00:03:47
crab crack it put it take it out they crack the crab's brain and the crab's like oh my God and they rip his body
00:03:52
apart and they stuff it into rice right I was like just take the meat out I why were the legs sticking out of the remember in Beetlejuice when all the sculptures came alive that's what it
00:04:03
looked like in their on their in their dishes meanwhile the nice little Mexican guy outside making tacos yeah delicious
00:04:10
you saw you had some I so good yeah so good so good those guys are the best they bring the flat top by the way he
00:04:16
carried everything what the [ __ ] is this that's in Beetle Juice when everything comes out that's what the Filipino dishes look like yeah right there yeah
00:04:21
that's a Filipino dishy yeah Cy Cy that's it C Cy no that Mexican guy carried up a grill up upstairs to your house by himself yeah I
00:04:32
understand that but can I just nobody helped him because we paid him I know but dude that was no 100b you don't
00:04:41
understand we pay him we P him he dripping in sweat you don't understand friend I literally go you need help and
00:04:46
he goes it's okay it's okay he was freaking out you know we go Pedro right how much did you pay Pedro so we paid like 500 bucks or whatever for him from to come right to cook but I didn't know
00:04:58
that so I just kept throwing him like hundies what's that noise what's that noise I don't
00:05:07
know there's a song do you hear that where's that coming from what do you have on your what was that it's just my music I don't know what it is but do you know
00:05:21
why so I have a playlist right but the whites love that this whole playlist is called
00:05:27
Fallout because in the game Fallout they had all 50s music oh so I just anyway is
00:05:32
that 50s I don't know what it is but let me ask you something so tonight so tonight guys tonight we're doing the
00:05:38
show we're doing the show at BR improv you're coming sold out sold out right and you guys are going to be in for a
00:05:44
treat because we have a brand new Talent going up on stage yeah you're saying it like they're going to listen to it now
00:05:50
this will come out way after the show already any it doesn't matter because what I want to do is uh I want to cuz
00:05:55
she couldn't sleep last night jwes why I was scared she's scared because she has
00:06:01
to do 30 seconds on stage you're having nightmares yeah yeah come on dude it's fine you're not going to do you don't
00:06:07
have to do actually but Kila fought me on it she said only one minute and I said you said three I said three minutes okay so he said three so you got to do
00:06:13
three we made a deal one minute okay raising your voice it doesn't it's rud the answer and also it makes me it makes me angry you're going to piss off the papa so here I think that we should do
00:06:25
this is what I want mhm and let's write it down do you have a thing bring bring up the bring it up so we can write a
00:06:30
script we want to write a script I don't know why it's on this where's Andreas your brother stole him speaking of which your brother and the other guy from J scissors they were at your house
00:06:43
they were too yeah you know what Jeremiah brought to your house cookies chips aoy chips aoy yeah and lay potato
00:06:51
chip I literally almost grabbed it and threw it into the street that's so rude lay potato chips and cookies we got it
00:06:57
Jeremiah we got it he went to the 99 cent store so um I don't know who she's bringing up but let's just suppose it's
00:07:03
um Elanor yeah Annie I think Annie Annie right so you're going to say Round of Applause Round of Applause for Annie Letterman for Annie Letterman can I say
00:07:16
ate Ani sure yeah sure change the script God damn that's fine what are you Bruce
00:07:21
Willis Jesus Christ I want to say what I want to say fine fine Round of Applause
00:07:28
for back you got to put AE Annie doesn't know how to spell it and is nervous to do it wrong but let's see what he does
00:07:34
wrong auntie Annie that's fine that's fine round a Annie all right so then you're
00:07:40
gonna say uh you now I also want you to put the in in parenthesis right wait for Applause
00:07:48
because I don't want her to run the thing right so you got to wait so how many seconds you think is a is an
00:07:53
Applause 1,00 2 1,00 three four five 5 Seconds okay and but you have to wait the full five even if they've already stopped clapping just sit in it for a minute you
00:08:04
got to sit in it so I have to count yeah count into the mic no I'll tell you this if you go less than 5 seconds I'm going
00:08:10
to make you do it over again you got to start all over right so you just count not not out loud right sure out loud out
00:08:17
fine yeah one 1 1,00 2 1,00 3 1 4 1,000 5 1,000 yeah say it out loud but say it in into the mic but say it into the mic and say it in your native tongue don't say it in English how do you say
00:08:31
000 s they don't have they don't count that high cuz nothing goes up that high no there is I just
00:08:46
forgot yeah do that do that SS yeah so One S two S three s all right many SS all right and then you got to say because you have to say after that you have to say um are you guys having
00:08:59
having a good time yeah that's very important are you guys having a good time you guys having a good time to put that and then right this guy knows what
00:09:05
I'm talking about no to and you got to point you got to pick a guy point a guy in the a this guy knows what I'm talking
00:09:11
about this guy knows what I'm talking about point at a guy and then here's what you say you say
00:09:18
what do you do for a living so after you point to the guy you pick a guy and you say what do you do for a living so you
00:09:25
pick that guy and go this guy knows what I'm talking about what do you do for a living going to say something something
00:09:30
now it can be one out of it's not very it's very it's not hard it's one out of a thousand things generally what if he doesn't talk he will he will wait then
00:09:41
that's what you say oh we got a mute in the audience oh we got a mute in the audience yeah we're loading you up with good St if he doesn't talk you go oh
00:09:48
what do you do for a living if he doesn't talk right and then say if he doesn't talk go oh we got a mute mute in
00:09:54
the audience and then you followed up with something like uh we used to call them well
00:09:59
what's a what's a male Helen Keller listen here Hank Keller you know yeah yeah yeah that's good wait for oh we got
00:10:06
a mute in the audience Wait For Laugh they won't they but just still still do the pause right and that's the gamble
00:10:12
that's the gamble yeah yes we got to mute in the audience I call it the uncomfortable Zone and then you can say you can say this now after he if let's
00:10:19
say he does say his job you know if he doesn't if he doesn't you say oh we got to mute if he does say his job and his
00:10:24
job is sales or yeah yeah I don't know what do people do how what are jobs I don't know um insurance insurance yeah insurance he says his job and right away
00:10:36
you I'm an insurance salesman what do you say what do you say whatever you now this is great you don't even have to
00:10:41
read the script on this one you can just say whatever you want to say so if I say I'm an insurance what do you say nice
00:10:48
nice nice put that down nice and then wait for that's you for sure again no it's
00:10:55
me now you are doing the fulltime you're doing the full nice wait for laughter and then you say
00:11:02
um then you say then she's got to transition into something that's like no no I think we should go now to um oh see
00:11:09
you guys have a good time this guy knows what I'm talking about what do you do what do you do for a living oh we got a mute in the audience or if he says his job you just go nice anyway you guys
00:11:17
ready for more show are you guys ready for more show I can't hear you you have to do that I can't hear you I can't hear you no matter what the response is doesn't matter if it's even
00:11:29
if they're all standing and crying I can't hear you in fact you know what yeah why don't you guys stand up no no and make some
00:11:41
noise yeah or you know here's a good old school way let's do a wave let's do a wave let's do a wave let's do a wave so what you do is and you go I'll start it
00:11:52
you go I start the and you just get on your KN and you go up like this right and in the front row they'll all do it
00:11:57
it'll go through the audience okay let's do a wave let do a wave okay then you do a wave then you do a wave that takes about that'll take about a minute couple minute a minute or so minute to minute or so wait for audience
00:12:09
to do a wave and we're already hey look look I don't think they'll do a wave they will yeah they will they will if
00:12:15
you do it oh and when they do the wave do this like you're surfing yeah so you'll you'll start the wave right they
00:12:21
do the wave and you and just do a surfing oh you know what's better you know what's better you know what's better you divide the room you know what
00:12:27
then the you divide the room and you go this half I want you to say bad and that half you say friends so when I point you
00:12:33
go bad friends and you can control it you go bad friend you can go bad bad friends friends bad friends bad you can
00:12:40
do that you're going to feel like a wizard that could kill so much time you know Lord of the Ring soron that's what the kind of stuff he would do you're
00:12:46
going to be casting spells over these people casting spells you're going to be bibbity Bobby booping them with your hand going bad friends bad friends and
00:12:54
you can do it as much and you build it up and then when they get excited they go another wave
00:12:59
another wave another wave surf up right this is great I can't wait to see this you do the [ __ ] thing right and and then you bring up the next comic that's us oh that it's bring up the next
00:13:13
comic so um and then this has got to be sincere yeah you got to be honest so um it gives me the utmost mhm pleasure pleasure and to to bring up two
00:13:26
significant role models to I mean arguably the two most important people in life arguably yeah say arguably about
00:13:32
the two most most important people in my life mhm um look at her face don't SM don't don't do that yeah don't do that you know gives me it give me it gives me the utmost pleasure pleasure arguably
00:13:45
the two most imagine being raised yeah imagine being raised by wolves by yeah that's us no hyenas and wolves or something like two different a well I'm a hyena yeah imagine being raised by an
00:14:01
orangutang and a panda yes ladies and gentlemen the two yeah most important people all right arguably the most important people in my
00:14:14
life imagine being raised by an orangutang and a panda and George are you coming tonight he can't he's got a
00:14:19
baby who's coming nobody Gilbert's coming so tell Gilbert to record her on stage so we want to see
00:14:27
if she does it right yeah that's true okay okay so she's got to be in the audience when she's on stage and he'll
00:14:33
be recording it and she's going to she's going to bring this piece of paper on then you say raised by nank tang and a panda comma my Tios my Tios Tito Bobby
00:14:42
and Tito Andrew yeah and that's that's it that's all you have to say that's all you have to say this is so simple so simple that's a lot all right so let's
00:14:50
oh you have to say it gives me the utmost pleasure to bring these next people to meet bring these next comic to the stage to bring these next Comics to
00:14:57
the stage yeah arguably the most they they are arguably the most the two most important people
00:15:03
in my life because it is an argument because Kila is much more important they're arguably the two most important people in my life imagine me being
00:15:10
raised by an orangutang and a panda my Tios Tito Bobby Tito perfect perfect so let's do a rehearsal let's do a little baby rehearsal and we'll move forward that's all we want little baby one for
00:15:20
the Pod an he just got off she just killed it yeah people love it all right here
00:15:26
comes Rudy she's on stage now go Round of Applause for AE Annie One Mississippi two Mississippi three Mississippi four Mississippi five
00:15:40
Mississippi are you guys having a good time yeah this guy knows what I'm talking
00:15:48
about yes girl I sure do yeah yeah what do you do for a living I'm in Insurance nice great you guys ready for more show
00:16:03
yeah I can't hear you yeah why don't you guys stand up and make some noise okay stand
00:16:16
up let's do a wave let's do a wave good call all right in their minds are like we've never done a wave at a comedy show this is unbelievable yeah okay I'll start yeah this
00:16:27
is oh nice yeah surfwave surf W Surf Wave yeah cool yeah okay I'll divide the room the right
00:16:39
says bad and the left says friend okay go no you just point just point bad friends bad friends bad bad bad friends friends bad friends friends
00:16:54
B okay see you'll love that you'll love that right and then the fin and then when they do that you then you go Surfs
00:17:00
Up Surfs Up you have to yell Surfs Up it's California this is what they do this is so Southern California dude this
00:17:07
is soo Cal Surf so surf so now now now now it's gonna be it's gonna be chaos nuts and and we need a shift in energy here from you so do I say quiet yes loud
00:17:21
as you can quiet quiet instead of surf up instead of Surfs Up Get rid of that get get surf up quiet
00:17:29
quiet as loud as you can and wa Cross Your Arms quiet yeah quiet right so say that scream it scream it okay quiet
00:17:41
nice okay give it to me now end it strong it gives me the utmost pleasure to bring these next Comics to the stage Yep they're arguably the most important
00:17:57
people in my life mhm imagine being raised by an orangutan and a panda my Tios Tito Bobby and Tito
00:18:09
Andrew dude that right I can't wait to see that you know I'm scared because she might Crush way harder yeah it's going to be tough to follow it's going to be tough to follow oh my we have to follow
00:18:20
that but but let me tell you something she'll set us up to win maybe so um and also you could just bring the piece of paper on Ste yeah I want to bring it you can you can bring it down stage we print
00:18:30
that out George by the way and also what you know what I watched last night you loved it brought me to my knees what is
00:18:36
it sweet tooth it's so good it's so good are you being a sarcastic I being dead serious okay I love sweet tooth do you like seet weed
00:18:49
oh what you like sweet do I like seaweed you like see I love sweet tooth you like
00:18:54
it though did you watch Sweet Tooth yeah yeah what what did you like about it it just mov you saw all of it yeah yeah
00:19:01
it moved me I don't want to give any stories away if you haven't seen this people at home watch Sweet Tooth it's so
00:19:07
so good it's well shot it's beautiful it's stunning the colors in it's beautiful stunning yeah but dude the the
00:19:15
doctor I don't want to get into the story great actor God him and the his wife amazing acting God even look at
00:19:22
I'll show this to you the audience can't see it look at my look at yeah yeah yeah knows yeah yeah we know what that is
00:19:28
it's it dude one of the best shows I've seen you doing that I know that you saw it I know that's because that's very a
00:19:34
subtle thing yeah people are going to see that at home on on the YouTube I'm telling you though it was it was so good I I don't even know
00:19:41
how to explain like Will Forte in it so good I really liked him in it I love him dude man on Earth was great he he makes
00:19:49
a lot of great [ __ ] he does he always makes the right choices I know yeah why can't we do that we will we'll start
00:19:56
yeah we'll start we just need to go be on SNL and then get off and do again Babble this summer get the most
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for up to 65% off your subscription Babble language for Life yeah buddy hello tush so at my 4th of July party yeah um I blew your toilet up I know you
00:21:16
did but Andrew not Andrew um Annie Letterman's boyfriend M Todd yeah went to the bathroom and he goes he walked up with a smile on his face and he I go what's the matter he goes my butthole
00:21:28
Feels So Clean right now tushy baby dude the tush hello tush it's so funny when people never use it and they come over
00:21:34
to the house and they're like dude I've I've never done one of those and you're like Welcome to the Real World keep your
00:21:39
sweaty crack clean man this summer with the brand new hello tushi 3.0 modern bedet attachment it's an attachment you
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don't got to do anything you got to buy an expensive toilet it just hooks on to the one you got hello tushy 3.0 cleans
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his soggy butts like a champ it does but it doesn't stop there it cleans itself with the smart spray automatic
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selfcleaning nozzle come on man it's going to get hotter it's going to get stickier it's going to get grosser and
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the hello tushi bedet attaches to your existing toilet no electricity no extra Plumbing needed it's so simple we both
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have them at the house we have them here at the studio uh which I love using sometimes before Bob comes you already got a hello tushi on the pot treat your
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hello ti.com badri for 10% off somebody sent me after we did the app two weeks ago about what's her name using Korean baby forkin oh yeah yeah okay look this
00:22:42
up this is insane this is a real website someone sent to me it's called bloodstained men.com do you know what
00:22:49
this is there is a movement bloodstain men.com to warn the American people that circumcision is cruel worthless and destructive so these guys go around with blood stains over their wieners and they're
00:23:03
fighting against circumcision they go protest circumcision all over the world so that these are the guys with the with the top still on these gu These Guys these guys have the sleeve they have the
00:23:14
top still they hat they have the Hat they have the sleeve they have the Hat yeah yeah yeah yeah they have a hat and you you your hatless I have a helmet
00:23:21
yeah mine's a helmet I have a helmet I just the head right they have they have the skin over the head they have a turtleneck I don't like it they turene
00:23:29
just based on looks alone I don't like it it looks strange Gilbert he has a turtleneck has a turtleneck did you know
00:23:34
that yeah but he's also Asian I'm not doing I'm not doing Asian I'm not doing Asian small dick joke that being said that being said doesn't help it doesn't help
00:23:45
especially when so especially when the skin is a lot and the dick is small right so in his case hangs over yeah it's like you know it it the skin
00:23:57
has completely enveloped engulf engulfed the dick itself right so it just looks like a
00:24:04
little ball like it's tied off at the end a little too like a knot yeah it's like you know it's like one of those
00:24:09
shoe my dumplings oh I love shoe my dumplings to eat but to look at as as a pis to [ __ ] with no thank you he pulls
00:24:16
his Wi on he goes Shai yeah yeah yeah these guys are trying to warn the world to provide uh people with information to
00:24:22
help protect their children so these guys literally go around protesting but what are the I I don't know the
00:24:27
positives of keeping on well they say well they'll tell they'll tell you dude should we have these guys come on the show we should I don't I don't want to
00:24:34
meet them I want to meet them because there's nothing I can do about it I already got the it's over it's over they're trying to convince you not to do
00:24:39
it to your kids that's their whole point if I have it my kids have it right then my kids are going to have extra pleasure
00:24:46
but I bet that's an American thing you know that they don't in Europe what about in the Philippines most boys get circumcised don't they yeah see that's
00:24:52
weird in Europe they don't in Europe they all have sleeves really all my British friends have sleeves they don't
00:24:57
get clipped what what about you guys are you guys clipped or sleeves you got sleeves or you got helmets oh clipped
00:25:02
for sure so he's got he's got a helmet you Pete Pete sleeve right no clipped oh CLI okay sleeveless he's go sleeveless
00:25:09
got angry clipped is your did you guys wait a minute did you clip your kids no whoa Pete so your kid has a
00:25:18
sleeve your kid has a sleeve he does whoa oh your wife huh your wife said she wanted to keep it cuz a lot of times the women want to keep it yeah my wife's European see Europeans
00:25:28
they they leave the sleeve they leave the sleeve so what did she say to you Pete was it a conversation for real no I
00:25:34
didn't want to circumcise him either why not because his wife didn't want to I mean come on Pete come on Pete have an
00:25:41
opinion yeah seriously stand up for yourself what a [ __ ] coward I don't want one either what is it Steve Steve
00:25:46
sleeve Pete Pete Pete sleeve Pete sleeve your new name is sleeve sevy sevy sley sevy sevy what is
00:25:56
it what is it why why why we didn't circumcise him yes Pete that's what we're talking about no
00:26:02
God I miss Andre yeah unbelievable why did the EMP no why did the emperor die in the you I mean in Return of the Jedi
00:26:09
yeah come on Pete why Pete why did you because you're we don't want to we didn't want to cut him you know he just
00:26:16
so let me provide a real argument because Pete really can't come up with anything can't come so what they say is you lose sensation when you keep your
00:26:21
sleeve you get more sensation the reason that we used to do that was hygiene because people didn't uh what is that
00:26:27
what are those I don't know is black Schmutz Schmutz on the table I don't know what it is it looks like poop yeah
00:26:33
it's like little rabbit poops on maybe you have a little rat in here is that rat poop do we have oh well don't yeah
00:26:40
it's rat poop do we have a rat well don't flick it towards me well why is it on my side because it knows where it
00:26:46
knows where it belongs it smelled my desk and was like it's me over by you oh gross okay anyway we got rats um no so they say it takes away feeling so you it
00:26:58
so like when you clip you lose sensation so they say and they also say that hygiene uh that's why they did it so you
00:27:04
don't have to you know clean it as much you know but they say now with technology and all that stuff it's not people aren't getting as infected as
00:27:10
much but also it's supposed to protect you from STDs and all that stuff and but does it no let's go back that none of those other things matter except the feeling thing they say the feeling is
00:27:21
way way stronger so it's like then let's go let's focus on the feeling that's what the the one cell is so let me so
00:27:26
what I get when I orgas I want to hear kind of do you do you not really but I do the fans want to hear yeah let me ask you this mhm not a noise
00:27:40
but is there a face that you make when I orgasm yeah mhm you know what it is oh yeah I go
00:27:47
like this oh it's real subtle it's not subtle it's so racist it's not racist it's overtly
00:28:00
racist no it's not it's not subtle that has nothing to do with RAC overtly racist no I just get really I really get
00:28:06
it's like if ladies and gentlemen anyone that does that the the president of the United States He openly Ling oh that's
00:28:14
me orgasm it's it's no that's me orgasm it's overtly racist that's that's not racist why would it be
00:28:21
have anything to do with race you ask for my faces and I go oh that's what I do it's like if I org guys I do a white
00:28:26
thing hey buddy that's so funny if you did that anybody gotcha whatever white color crimes yeah yeah
00:28:37
yeah a yacht yeah no this that's my face I go no my face is this my face is what what's my face no be real no be real about it I don't know what I look like yeah yeah you got to be real you
00:28:49
don't do any of that [ __ ] with your wife you okay let's be real then you know what it really is it's this
00:28:54
yeah that's it it's real that's very good your that what's yours let me think oh gross God it's gross because you look your Tri yeah no
00:29:08
I'm just because it builds it's not like a moment of M's a moment feeling hits me out of nowhere there's like a 10-second
00:29:14
feeling that builds so it's it's more like Jules this is terrible she doesn't need to see this no I just I won't do that I'll just do my face right yeah don't do your hands yeah I won't do
00:29:27
my there it is yeah that's good it's pretty good right that's good that actually looks very realistic thank you I would believe that in a sex scene have you ever done a sex
00:29:40
scene no you know who else hasn't they're never going to Rite us they're never going to Rite us in a sex scene they'll never ride us in a sex scene no nobody wants to see an Asian even when I was in splining up together there was a
00:29:51
scene where we were in bed yeah right and I mean redheads and Asians don't get a lot of sex no offense but like I think
00:29:58
had a thing where cuz she played my wife yeah where we're just laying in bed and she just has her arm like on me and the
00:30:04
director just went and took the arm off no yeah yeah really it just it feel looks weird oh that's so sad and I'm
00:30:11
like what so we're just best friends she's like you're married but nobody wants to see that you know I had
00:30:17
to I had to I've never been a part I don't know if that happened or not I've had ma I've masturbated on camera in a
00:30:23
sex scene like in a I'm alone in my room yeah that that doesn't count I know it's sad they want me on the only other time
00:30:29
well this was funny when we were shooting I'm dying up here I think I might told this story but there was a sexing going and I have to come in the
00:30:35
room and say a joke yeah Meanwhile my buddy Jake's butthole is right in my eyeline yeah his butthole his real
00:30:41
butthole yeah because you're wearing a merkin you know on the front but the the thread goes through his butthole yeah so
00:30:47
I see his butthole yeah and I have to walk in the room and say something like you know we're going to be late
00:30:53
something like that yeah were you laughing every time you laughed every time so cuz I see his nuts I see his
00:31:00
nuts hanging and I'm looking right into his butthole yeah but you know it's different and it's one of my close friends but when you're shooting it's so
00:31:06
funny because when you're shooting a scene yeah cuz when I did the cabin with Brook Chrysler and he was bent over so
00:31:12
he was bent over we're doing a colonoscopy M right and he's like stick it in right so I stick it in and his
00:31:19
sacks huge huge massive like [ __ ] bear sacks right his [ __ ] is like three layers of purple real tight it's like what I'll tell you what it look like his [ __ ]
00:31:32
looked like you put a dut down mhm you put a smaller donut on top of that I see it and a smaller donut on top of that I
00:31:39
love it yeah yeah and that was kind of sticking out that was coming this way do you yeah it doesn't go how would I know
00:31:44
it goes inward no it was going outward right so it's sa and there was a little mole right in the entrance way oh yeah
00:31:50
you should get that check probably has a little sign that says like inside the mold do not enter or whatever so it's like and then like and I'm doing this
00:31:57
thing with I'm sticking the tube in his [ __ ] and I see my friends everything about him everything and but you're like
00:32:05
you know the cameras on you you're in the scene so you're just trying to like it's normal but it's horrifying
00:32:12
have you ever done one of those colonics or whatever they're called oh yeah you have we should do one and they had the
00:32:17
the tube next to you to show you they show you what goes what's going out I can't like have you ever done one of
00:32:22
those a colonic would you ever do one no why not you have to do one you they're good for you cancer you can get colon
00:32:29
cancer how many pounds of undigested food are in the average human stomach I read something one time that was like
00:32:34
six pounds of like undigested [ __ ] is just hanging out in your colon oh [ __ ]
00:32:39
like did you lose weight after you did it I'm going to have to get one I know cuz what's wrong tacos no I went to that
00:32:47
one product claims that anywhere from six to 40 pounds of waste feces and undigested food stuck in our bodies see
00:32:53
six sounded what I've heard 40 sounds insane Another One Compares the weight of the waste to carrying a a bowling
00:32:59
ball in our gut I went to self Edge to get jean Saturday and I go she goes okay what size I go normal you know 32 in Waist oh you told me this at the barbecue 32 yeah 32 in and I literally
00:33:13
got one foot in the actual opening in the waist in the waist opening I got one foot I go what's going on here right you're you're you're a 30 I'm a 37 almost that's big it's big it's gotten a
00:33:28
little big but you don't look like you gained any weight because my legs don't show it but you're tum tum it's my tummy
00:33:34
it's like it's just the body but you have really cute tummy I don't think so I think it's more like even my stand up
00:33:40
and show the camera even my brother went to the spa last week for the first time and my brother saw my body any he went
00:33:47
he literally went like you normally he would make fun of me like fatty but it made him he
00:33:52
goes you're going to die man let me see your stomach let me see so sad let me see
00:33:59
I'm going to this this is real I know I'm looking this is real all right yeah sideways yeah it yeah what do
00:34:06
you think Jules it's big yeah is it bigger than it used to be yeah I think so yeah but let me see
00:34:15
the let me see turn keep turning a little bit yeah we got to get it on we got to do a
00:34:21
diet we got to let's do a diet together do you want to do a diet or something we should do it I told I told ganina the
00:34:28
Javan car the girls in um Hungary with yeah I go do you you know nutritionist you know every time I ask people nutritionist they always go you're not going to follow it that's not true yeah you will I will follow it what's your
00:34:39
breakfast like to this morning well you don't eat breakfast in the morning Jersey Mike's okay you woke up in had
00:34:44
Jersey mics yeah what are we talking six six 12 full not 12 it's 12 inches isn't
00:34:50
it it is it's got to be a foot long isn't it I don't know no it's it's a regular it's like it's not foot it's
00:34:56
half a foot what is a Jersey Mike sub length we got to what did you have on it let's just go down what your diet is
00:35:04
okay okay then we'll be able to break down the easiest way to get rid of it okay so what's an average Jersey Mike sub how look it up Pete what um what did
00:35:11
you have on the sub I have I get the number two the number two is the turkey provolone yes that's he no no no no it's
00:35:17
um not turkey Pro provolone it's um oh 357 yeah so you had a in is a regular that's what I get that's fine okay oh wait no no no and 14 to 15 is the giant yeah but I don't get the Giant no swear to God ever ever okay good so what's the
00:35:31
two so what I'll get is but I'll add um jalapenos avocados safe safe both okay and I'll add I do it Mike's way cuz I love it when he does that way right then I get a bag of potato chips which ones
00:35:44
the lay is regular that's not that bad and then I'll get a Diet Coke that's what I get that's what I had today so so
00:35:49
but the number two is it's the Italian right yeah so it's a cold cuts it's a cold cuts yeah so I had that and then um
00:35:56
then I won't eat calorie menu on Jersey miks please then I won't eat until tonight yeah but you're better off eating smaller meals during the day than eating two massive meals it's harder on
00:36:08
your body so why don't you eat four meals but tiny ones Jersey Mike uh so what are we talking number two I just need bro BR bro I just need somebody to go white bread or wheat bread white of
00:36:19
course oh no what plus 2,000 milligrams of sodium yeah holy [ __ ] that's a lot that's a lot of salt cuz the mic's way yeah so we're it's so
00:36:31
it's 800 calories for that that's not that bad I think I just this can I just tell you what I need what do you need baby I need somebody to go this like like I'm in prison mhm this
00:36:45
is it and this is all you can eat no option well why can't we do that Rudy can you do prison meals for him and I'm
00:36:51
like he's going to yell at me yeah that's probably pretty valid and so then that's all I need if I could get that these are your three meals there's nothing you can do about look up that
00:37:01
company is there a company called prison meal plan that we can I would love to do a company called prison meal plan where
00:37:07
a guy comes to your house and he goes eat it yeah you're like I want more he's like no go to bed [ __ ] yeah yeah I need
00:37:13
that prison meals let's or or how about this how about can I go to a place mhm for at least like a week or on two weeks I don't want that man let's get him a prison menu though that's what you
00:37:25
should be eating a package baloney no no because they don't give it that health I want something healthy okay but healthy
00:37:32
is going to be veggies that's okay and protein I don't care that's it I need somebody to go this is what you're going to eat this is going to be good for you
00:37:38
how come kala's in such good shape she exercises and eats she doesn't eat what I eat okay but you're not going to
00:37:43
exercise so can you I am going to exercise I have exercised before I saw the pelaton yeah I I just need somebody
00:37:49
how many times you I just need somebody just listen man I just I'm [ __ ] panicking I just need somebody to go
00:37:55
this is you're going to what you're going to eat I think I need to go to a an institution or something like a a place where I'm going
00:38:02
to wake up just for like a week two weeks fat rehab yeah and go this is what you're eating right yeah you can't smoke
00:38:09
you can't do anything okay and no no gadgets no phones what are you going to be doing just working out the whole time I'll write you won't I will okay I want
00:38:20
to see that I want is there a place and anyone out there listening right now get me that place get is there fat rehab
00:38:26
weight loss rehab rehab just I just need a place where I can go residential weight loss treatment the first one go
00:38:32
down go down residential weight loss treatment positive alternative this is great you're going to a fat camp yeah
00:38:39
yeah structure house structure house yeah best residential weight loss and wellness program we're going to this
00:38:44
okay please look into this George with me though 100% you'll check in I swear to God I'll check in for how long for
00:38:50
the show oh for how long how long do we do it uh how long does it have to be live in weight loss Pro personal
00:38:55
coaching diet nutrition Behavioral therapy fitness and exercise is there flexibility click on that one because I'd love to know yes look at that you
00:39:03
can St what does that say day structure package you could go for a day just check in and check
00:39:08
out this oh it's four weeks it's one month interested in a stay longer than four weeks so most people go for four
00:39:16
weeks look at the day structure package please can you click on that link four weeks yeah a month is way too long I'm
00:39:23
busy who is it okay for those who live locally seeking benefits so you can show up up do it and go home well really
00:39:29
where is it at where is this at dude let's let's find out look at the area code it's like Hawaii or something where what is it 855 no 855 is like an 800 number oh you
00:39:42
know 717 1804 let me find out 7147 1804 let me call and find out to see what they can Pro oh look at that
00:39:54
look where is that oh dude that's on that's North Carolina this is in North Carolina thank you for calling no this
00:40:02
is in Durham we need to do this you need to get this uh this dude we asked for a place in California you brought me
00:40:08
[ __ ] North Carolina man go back uh click back on that page God damn it man man we're trying to save my life here man miss Andre like North Carolina's nice North Carolina is nice thank you
00:40:18
Pete that's true thank you Pete movement hey what time is it mvmt time bab time baby it's pronounced look you guys you got no I Look to me no you look okay go ahead okay go ahead so um I
00:40:33
I never wear watches but when I go out to like a special event I have movement watches and I and I select them and I select the most stylish one and I go out and it's the best watch out there
00:40:44
because it's it's the prices are good and they're stylistic they're they're super well priced which I think cuz as a watch guy I like collecting watches yeah
00:40:51
um they're made by two Southern California College dropouts and they made a watch company with fair prices and cool colors and they look different
00:40:57
and they don't look cheap I don't my biggest pet peeve is when watches look like chunky and cheap I like their
00:41:02
Styles a lot and they um they they have the quality of like a you know $400 $500
00:41:08
watch um and it's a fraction of that price which I think is incredible and it's shipped right to your door for free
00:41:13
and if you don't like them you give it right back and they they have so many different styles is what I like you ship
00:41:18
it right to your door it's free and if you don't love it you can ship it right back for free I've been rocking the minimal sport dive watch and it's uh
00:41:26
very sleek very cool I actually like to uh to use it when I am running uh and it's all good with sweat cuz I'd be
00:41:33
sweating it's very Sleek it looks professional yeah and the uh the everscroll blue light filtering glasses
00:41:38
are a game changer they got these blue light glasses and it helps with eye strain poor sleeping patterns they they have so many modern styles of of
00:41:46
products on their website it's uh it's pretty impressive you got to check these dudes out Southern California folk uh
00:41:52
and if you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank then join the movement baby get 15% %
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off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com bads again that's mvmt.com badri yeah buddy buter box slice it up
00:42:10
baby I love the meat delicious meat in my freezer I've got um the only meat is from butcher box oh me too actually I've
00:42:18
got PBS of meat from them uh they have options like 100% grass-fed beef free range organic chicken humanely raised pork wild CAU Lobster Tales wild Cod Alaskan salmon and sugar and nitrate
00:42:30
free bacon each box ships with 9 to 11 lounds of meat packed fresh shipped Frozen and vacuum sealed making it simple to store in the freezer and you can grab it later for a delicious meal
00:42:42
with friends yeah so I liked it cuz I got the uh the patties the pre the pre um prepacked ground beef patties to make
00:42:48
some boyas on my flat top and let Santino tell you I like this dude as a meat eater I do love it cuz then all I have to do is get uh a farm fresh veggies delivery with this and you got tons of meat in your freezer ready to
00:43:01
rock and roll and it's actually look it's real good meat uh it is it's really good meat because sometimes you get Frozen stuff and I'm like oh this isn't good it actually is delicious and it's high quality stuff luckily today's
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sponsor butcher boox wants to celebrate you this summer right now butcher box is offering new members two free lobster
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love tails and RI eyes in your first box yum can I tell you something that I've been I've seen twice already on on HBO
00:44:05
yeah tragedy what tragedy I don't know what that is you got do my and man don't time to talk
00:44:31
it's remember you know that you who's that stay alive stay alive who's that the B's the B's yeah you have a
00:44:43
documentary they do yeah and I've been watching it I saw it twice already I saw by myself it's that good I don't know
00:44:49
here's what I like about it were they gay no man what they're not gay man Barry Gibb D he's not gay he's got like 52 kids well you can have you can have
00:45:01
kids and not be gay he had the same wife the whole time he's still he's the only Gibbs brother that's alive still you
00:45:06
can't just say that he's gay I didn't say I asked I said is he gay no he's not gay at all well he looked that picture
00:45:12
looks gay had gay teeth that's the only thing gay about their is their teeth does Barry just say
00:45:17
does Barry Gibb have gay teeth wait what does it say is he gay what does anybody say no no he's not gay I didn't know I
00:45:24
thought does he have gay teeth yeah look at that middle picture the white one the white in the white look at how sexy he
00:45:30
is though yeah I say that as a man who might he could coer me yeah so Barry does that guy look gay Rudy a little thank you it's the time period Rudy it's [ __ ] the 70s and it was the this
00:45:43
everybody was kind of gay everyone was gay then yeah they were I'm telling you right now if that's not a gay photo of three gay men no that's not that's not
00:45:50
outside the they're [ __ ] performing dude that's not outside the Abbey what do you think they should be wearing Paul
00:45:55
bunan gear well first of all does he have a camel toe look in the Middle look at how split that's Robin Gibb how dare
00:46:00
you look at his camel toe yeah he does have his penis up and away it looks like it's Up and Away look ball balls his dick is yeah
00:46:11
it's up and away it's up and away it's up up and away you know why why they just killed it on stage and he's just he
00:46:18
he rocked you never got an erection when you were on stage no oh I get it all the time no you don't oh I do but no one can
00:46:25
tell no they can't tell oh no they can't I have it like that I have it Tu on my belly it's up and away yeah the guy on
00:46:32
the right looks like it's a photoshopped head okay well the guy on the right is Rory
00:46:40
Scoville so um so you watch a documentary about I'll tell you what I like about them I don't like disco me you're so
00:46:47
ignorant dude oh what's ignorant disco died it went and so obviously wasth can I can I tell you what you like about the
00:46:54
Gibbs go ahead all right so were big in the 60s right and they they weren't a disco band they were like a British band right they did harmonizing and they were brothers and um they made it right they
00:47:07
made it big in the late 60s in Britain and in the United States right but were they famous there first no they actually
00:47:14
blew up in both places at the same time that's incredible right so then what happened was um they broke up because
00:47:20
Robin Gibb and Barry Gibb they they were there was a power struggle has like any
00:47:27
brothers uh N Gallagher it's it's just Tales all time right and actually he's in he he's in the documentary who the Gallaghers yeah but just which one willam's not in it and also um one of
00:47:40
the Jonas's Brothers is in it as well that's a weird that's a weird uh cuz they're
00:47:45
talking about being Brothers in Show Business I know so anyway so what happened was they did their own thing and they were eating it on their own so
00:47:52
in the like early 70s they decided to get back together MH and they put out two albums and now they're doing like [ __ ] rooms like they're playing like bar shows no one's coming 15 people it's
00:48:05
over right in fact they would tell Robin um don't look Tell Robin not to look in
00:48:11
the audience oh because he would see it's half full oh man right yeah right so then what happened was Eric Clapton who signed by the same manager did an
00:48:22
album in Miami mhm and he just suggested to the boys like what just come out here
00:48:27
you always record your albums in England come out here and record an album and there's also an energy going on you the
00:48:33
Miami Sound or whatever and these guys went out there and they had one shot one [ __ ] shot they did it and they
00:48:40
changed their sound right and that's what we called disco bir disco was birth but it reinvented them and it was an amazing it's an amazing thing achievement because it's like most bands
00:48:52
after the 60s when they died they're gone forever mhm you know well if you if you flop once it's hard to come back so
00:48:59
hard especially when you're known for one thing but these [ __ ] reinvented themselves it's really impressive it is
00:49:04
impressive I just the music itself is never my is just not I but I know but what happened was because of people like
00:49:10
you white dudes like you and that's so interesting that you these are white people by the way they're they're ours they're wh the Gibbs they couldn't be
00:49:18
more white they're Nordic that's us that's the most white up north is white white oh that's true yeah these are the these are like the Viking people but there's be honest though there's two
00:49:29
different kinds of whites sure right you have which one am I the the ones the hardcore ones oh I'm white no you're
00:49:36
like working class white right trash garbage you can say it yeah right trash white but then you have like Liberace fancy white white you have
00:49:46
Liberace you have the um zek freed and Roy fancy fancy gay fancy gay no no they're gay don't thr all gay they're gay why because they like sparkles was Liberace gay yeah yeah but they like
00:49:58
sparkles and they like tigers gay and lions and they and when they die they had to wear them as well right I know
00:50:06
right so look at here they they they like to grow their hair like lions fancy right they're fancy they're fancy so
00:50:12
what I'm saying is when the disco disco was huge there was a guy in Chicago right much like you yeah me who started this disco sucks movement which
00:50:24
I couldn't agree with more right yeah so he had all these people come out to Wrigley's Wrigley Field Wrigley Field
00:50:30
yeah bring all your disco albums we call it Church yeah disco albums put him in the middle of Wrigley's field and burn
00:50:37
it and we're going to explode him in a bomb dude that guy's the be who's that guy look up the Disco sucks guy dude
00:50:44
that guy that's you yeah it is and we were when we were watching the documentary we both at the same time go when we he popped up on the screen you
00:50:50
and Kila we went Andrew I want to play this guy if they make a scripted version of this disco
00:50:57
demolition night oh my God at kamsky Park R Stadium oh sorry I didn't know wow dude and they brought their records and burn them at kamis July 12th 1979 at kamsky Park which is where the White Sox
00:51:08
used to play they turned away 15,000 people that's how many people 15,000 people with albums can we get in that's
00:51:15
how much they hated it dude that's incredible and by by the way who's the name it says it right there doesn't it
00:51:21
to playing of the field was damaged that the fans of the White Sox were required to Forfeit the second game to the Tigers CU it was a double header that the guy
00:51:26
Steve doll's an American radio person he's the owner operator of Steve doll Network and uh he's the one that was
00:51:32
campaigning this he's a Chicago shock shck guy yeah yeah come on and bring your records down to kamsky this
00:51:38
weekend he looked like a punk rocker back then in the 70s he was like hardcore a fatter with a green you know
00:51:44
still pretty fat that's true so this guy made you bring him down and so admission was discounted at 998 cents but who wins
00:51:52
at the end of the day they bought the records the beanes the bees will forever be known for they have like eight songs
00:52:01
that are just never going to go away in our conscience yeah no it's no she doesn't know who that is they've gone away it's our generation we're done do you know who the pgs are I know their
00:52:11
music not them yeah you know the music you know that song yeah yeah but because in the Philippines that's probably a hit
00:52:16
now everyone [ __ ] knows they're probably in the streets going that's probably their thing now in
00:52:22
the Philippines today like like how far behind are the Philippines in music I don't know well they always say like
00:52:28
Asia is a couple years behind right like a hit song out here is going to be late there not anymore dude the internet bro
00:52:33
what the [ __ ] are you talking about no that's true because their culture their pop culture music is bigger than our they're creating our their their own pop
00:52:40
culture now [ __ ] that some of them no all of them no K-pop is Big there but but but not in Japan and not in China
00:52:46
they're still behind us they are Japan is not behind us in any way as far as our music in terms of film music and any
00:52:53
of that no man our hits our hits here happen first and then they get over there so by the time they're burnt here
00:52:59
they start to get over there that's just fact that's just truth so what you're saying right now is like some Japanese
00:53:05
guys opening up a present from their parents MH and they go Sublime Alum yes 40 ounces to freedom and they that's what they're saying and they don't practice Centuria
00:53:17
that's the whole then that's their whole life now and they're like memorizing their F favorite new artist name B
00:53:23
Armstrong Armstrong so they doesn't you know I mean so they remember so it locks into their
00:53:33
bra do you know do you know Green Day do you know that band God that's so weird wrot me a letter Billy Joe Armstrong
00:53:39
wrote you a [ __ ] letter he sent me coffee timeout are you friends with him yeah you are yeah did he he did TB he
00:53:47
did he did the belly I have a weird story with him with Billy Joel Armstrong yeah yeah please like like arguably my
00:53:56
so much of my influence when I was in a band he did mat TV right oh he was a guest yeah he his Green Day played mat
00:54:02
TV right we would get like maryn Manson and Green Day to play Matt TV right yeah and um and that's where I learned that's
00:54:09
where I met like Ryan Reynolds and we had young actors as well that would guest star or whatever right so um
00:54:15
that's where I met Billy but then like Billy and I became for some reason Matt TV was like um we're going to send you
00:54:21
out to the Grammys to me to me and you're going to interview people on the red carpet so I would right yeah so in I
00:54:27
would like interview people at like you know the Emmys that's awesome or the Grammys you like that I hated it why Bob
00:54:34
because you're with the Press so it's like but they I want to be I want to be no at the time no one knew who I was so
00:54:41
I want to be like on the red carpet and I'm with 50,000 people with cameras and going hey hey hey hey hey hey you know
00:54:47
what I mean like it was terrible didn't they have a press person go excuse me we have a guy from mat TV be a comedian no one would want to do it right yeah sorry
00:54:54
I said something give it so hacky and it makes me sweat so much I can't I can't I don't think please oh my God it make it's so embarrassing so what we all have
00:55:05
embarrassing [ __ ] what was it so I I I'm and me and Nicole Parker are at the EMS and no one will come and then William H Macy love right
00:55:21
decides to come right and I I so so um how's the department stores did you really say that to William H Macy how are the department stores do you even get that joke Rudy no
00:55:41
there department stores called Macy's do you know Macy's you know like nor his response was worse yeah he probably said
00:55:46
go [ __ ] yourself no you're a comedian and he walked away oh my God I like that
00:55:52
guy so much more oh my God how much more do I like William H Macy now that he said that to you you're a comedian walks
00:56:01
away and and but it was one of those things where it's like when it was coming out of my mouth my mind and my
00:56:07
filter and everything about me inside you know being code red bail bail yeah yeah but it was still coming out it was still coming out how did how and they're like sorry boss it's already in the
00:56:18
thing you know we sent it out we sent it out you know what I mean Nicole say oh she blushed all the blood you know what
00:56:25
I mean just rushed into her face redh and she was just kind of looking on the ground cross-eyed sweat dripping and
00:56:31
upset because imagine so you're he goes and you're a comedian he walks away this
00:56:37
is me I would love to see that and and Nicole Parker is we're just sitting there like this and and I I remember turning to Nicole going something like
00:56:49
this is my last one of these how many had you done like six or seven were they paying you money the show was but I mean
00:56:56
that was just a thing you had to do outside of the show and also the show I mean obviously you're on a late night sketch show you're not making that much
00:57:02
money to ruin your career going that started your career how's the yeah at the time though you think it's done yeah you know how's this how's the department store you're a comedian huh oh my God
00:57:14
the pain how what did Billy Joel say what I want to know so anyway so Billy Joel right one I remember one night it
00:57:20
was after some event or something and his him his wife and him I didn't know them at all right like you what do you mean you I don't barely knew him you know what I mean he was always nice to me though yeah he he was always like a
00:57:33
really nice guy he really is if you ever met you ever met him no I think they're phenomenal so talented Trey cool I
00:57:40
remember he goes a let [ __ ] let's I go to that bar and I he goes we're staying at this hotel and my
00:57:46
wife and I come just to the room we'll hang out I swear to God no it wasn't that Vibe no it wasn't the yeah it wasn't that vibe it wasn't that five no
00:57:58
no so I just remember like um come to the room and hang out with my wife his wife was in the room I know but also
00:58:04
let's just meet so this is what happened never inviting someone up to my room with my wife back then it was the '90s
00:58:10
yeah so we were just like I just remember I'm he's laying on the bed okay it wasn't like that I'm laying on my back he's laying on the bed I'm laying on my back and his wife was
00:58:23
knitting this is hot on the [ __ ] couch she was like making a blanket or something and we talked for like 3 or 4
00:58:30
hours just sitting on the beds no I'm laying on the ground he's laying on the bed and we're just laughing and telling stories and stuff and I remember just
00:58:36
going all right later and I left it was really sweet yeah it was a cool little I've had so many little moments weird moments like that you have to cherish those and know that those are really
00:58:48
important instead of when you get upset and you get weirded out by the business and you're sad you have those moments for the rest of your life if I look back
00:58:54
I have so many little moments like when John Cena like you know John Cena right no I don't know who John Cena
00:59:02
is who is he he's an actor is he though he's in the W he was in the WW I know I saw Fast N I saw I saw F in that
00:59:14
John John Cena is like the main opposition to so he um V I remember like when we're all about family I remember when we did um 24 with
00:59:26
Bobby Lee right and at John Cena I go I'm we did it in my apartment so I go I go I'm sleeping so you have to wake me up so slap me in the chest so the first day he goes like that and I go and I
00:59:40
kind of got mad I was like dude hit me but this is television it reads hit me hit me as hard as you can yes and he goes I'll break every bone in your pot I go hit me I will break yeah I hit me see I just
00:59:54
remember like laying there and then like knocking out oh he woke you up to knock
01:00:00
you out no I was unconscious like he went C right on my thing right and I I went I went to heaven right Jesus and I came back into my body right and then
01:00:14
for some reason I got up and then um I go go back to the first thing yeah do what you did do what you did before you're right was he was he a cool guy I love him one of the nicest guys see how
01:00:24
many small Beautiful Moments but I have these little tiny moments with Billy Joel with John Cena with a million things I'll tell you another I ever tell
01:00:31
you about the Asian sex party wait have we talked about that on this show yeah I think that was uh one
01:00:37
of the first five episodes we did let me tell you something I've had a lot I've been lucky to to have a lot of little
01:00:43
moments but I was so young in the business that you've had good moments well when I did punked we met a million
01:00:49
celebrities right but I just but I was so embarrassed about doing the show that it was a little hard for me like I Drake
01:00:55
I drove Drake to meet the president he thought he was meeting Barack Obama and Joe Biden also you're also play you have
01:01:02
to be in the scene and commit to the scene and you have to play this guy almost be invisible yeah you do you have
01:01:08
to be you have to be in a chameleon that must be hard and then it's also like it's not as if you're the star of the
01:01:15
show you're kind of just a player right so you have to kind of be unknown almost well you do have to be unknown and then
01:01:21
afterwards sometimes they like you and you get to know that I mean that's how I got to know Bam Margera like I got to know some people from from the show because afterwards they were like yo
01:01:27
that was great cuz we also wrote the show yeah so that was cool but there were moments
01:01:33
where you know we would have to mess with celebrities and you're like then they're upset when it's over and then
01:01:40
they hate you and you're like it's not me it's a thing and they're like no [ __ ] you really kind of I mean are there are
01:01:47
times where I mean obviously this happens where they go I I'm not going to sign the NDA for
01:01:53
that all the time release that happened so much it was insane and then and then you have some producers come up like
01:01:58
come on man they beg and they offer money and whatever they can do I mean it just doesn't work because people like no we're not going to do it wow I unless
01:02:05
the star that punked them was so big like when Bieber did people when we worked with him no one was going to say
01:02:11
no cuz the air time for them was like huge anybody said yeah Mac Miller who's passed away he was incredible and he was
01:02:18
a kid he was probably 18 or 17 and man he was so good so young overdose I mean you know it's really weird because it was like it was an accident I think he went to bed and took a couple pills to go to sleep and just didn't wake up yeah
01:02:33
that's the kind of stuff that you should be lucky that you're alive because of all the stuff that you did some people just take a couple pills and they never wake up yeah and you did so so much much
01:02:41
more yeah but you never did pills I did I was that was my main thing no not like
01:02:47
but you didn't like mix a bunch of stuff and then take pills and go to bed yeah I I I would take six volumes at night when you
01:02:54
before you went to sleep yeah oh [ __ ] I mean Jerry Seinfeld saw my dick what is up with that you hear about
01:03:03
that yeah we talked about that on here yeah we did yeah about Jerry yeah he hated it well I did apparently it was
01:03:08
just a rumor all right George I sometimes repeat myself there's no way you don't have to [ __ ] shame me yeah
01:03:16
we heard about that already move on he does that thing where he gets a little too uppity buity it's also dude listen
01:03:22
you know what he didn't do you know what he didn't do didn't introduce me to his wife at the party she had come up to me I know I saw that she goes hi we didn't
01:03:28
get to meet George why didn't you introduce me to your wife and your baby I was busy with my baby sorry sir but
01:03:35
but I show up I say hi I'm how nice was I I went around to everybody were a sweetheart and I went around to everybody and I said hi and you know who's the sweetest to me yeah everybody but George who I know on the most
01:03:46
personal I know you more than anybody there kila's mom was so polite and nice the redheaded firefighter guy was
01:03:53
incredible Jeff Jeff yeah yeah whose wife works for NASA but UCLA but it's NASA too oh did you get that my favorite thing about when
01:04:05
Bobby I love it I love when you introduce me to people your information I know is wrong no it's not that I like
01:04:11
to embellish and make people look good always right so if you you go she works for NASA and I go really you go and I
01:04:16
and I go in what capacity you go dude on the Aerospace on the [ __ ] rockets and
01:04:21
I was like whoa and so when Jeff goes hey great to meet you and I said great to meet you and then he said I said your wife works for NASA that's incredible he
01:04:27
goes she works for UCLA but in conjunction with NASA I go is she a rocket scientist and he goes well she works on the pieces for the the pieces
01:04:34
that go for the rocket she works at Nasa you made it sound like she like she's [ __ ] in a rocket I didn't say that
01:04:40
she was a like a five Tito Bobby exaggerate when he meets when he's talking about people and what they do a
01:04:46
little yeah we're going to add another minutt tonight for your to your set no yeah another minute to your just a
01:04:53
couple more extra minutes no tell me yeah um if we if this goes well this thing that we're doing do you want to do a bad Friends tour or no yeah because last time we talked
01:05:06
about it you were a little skeptical in fact you didn't even tell me you wanted to tour until I think that we should do this I think here's what I'm willing to
01:05:12
do I'm willing to do like how about if I do 15 20 minutes on stage as a standup you do 30 or whatever you want to do right then we do um come out together and do the show come out together but we
01:05:25
also do a podcast almost yeah you come out and do the show we do a live podcast how do we do if we could do it somehow
01:05:31
where we do the live podcast but also do a little stand up and also do a little double thing right and then Jules is there too on stage right if we go on
01:05:38
tour you're going yeah when does school start in the fall August 30 August 30th yeah and and then what do you have to do for school can you do stuff online does it can't it doesn't have to be in
01:05:52
person um yeah it doesn't have to be in person dude the world has changed so much like that's insane to me you can
01:05:58
just now she can tour you can tour with us and she doesn't have to worry about missing anything cuz we just have to have internet for her we just have to
01:06:04
get those little uh what are those you know like mobile hotspots or whatever that's what we need to do yeah dude what
01:06:09
life honestly let's book some dates on let's try one we will no like in August I'm serious let's do it because that's
01:06:15
funny because uh speaking of Rudy's popularity which is a little much she was getting drunk at your house dude she
01:06:21
was on four white claws not even just let me say something shitfaced cuz when I looked over and I said she was Blitz I
01:06:27
said what are you doing over there Rudy and she goes [ __ ] off that's what she said by the pool [ __ ] off yeah I did not
01:06:33
like it I didn't like the attitude but she said black cherry that's what she said yeah char Charles bow is my
01:06:39
favorite she said is that what you said Charles Bowski is my favorite you're big on Bowski now yeah wow no yeah you know
01:06:47
you are I I I feel cool up that she's she's no longer a high schooler I can see it now she's a now she's an adult to you well she put a half a tank of gas in the car which is cool did you really I
01:07:02
put full not it wasn't fall how it wasn't fall is that the first time you've ever pumped your own gas no I
01:07:09
didn't while he was away yeah it wasn't fall it was a full no it wasn't full it was full I swear on my mother's life it
01:07:15
wasn't you're just blind toi whoa whoa who he's not going to swear on his mother's life or something that's not true speaking of which we still need to
01:07:22
go out the Phoenix and see your mom we I'm just blind yeah another minute no what is that five now yeah 6 minutes oh 6 minutes now yeah you listen you keep amping up this is what you're going to
01:07:34
get into um what's the male Karen Chad Chad that's what they deemed it Chad yeah so Chad is the male Karen yeah you've seen this guy you know this guy so for the
01:07:46
context Bob show me the video see he says the n-word he's yelling at someone who's recording and he and then he's bold enough to give his address yeah
01:07:54
this is the best and okay let's play the video and then you know play the play video out of here and you can't do [ __ ]
01:08:00
that's me talking [ __ ] 3602 that's where I live come [ __ ] see me he's getting hit pelted in the
01:08:14
[Laughter] face look at the guy this guy does a [ __ ] slam dunk water right here amazing watch what this guy does this guy's the best we got to get this guy on podcast podcast here's a D1
01:08:32
a here's a D1 athlete ready yeah look at these hops D in the Hat no so wait a minute he got pelted with bottles outside of his did they police escort him away is that what it was well
01:08:46
they arrested him for um harassment uh cuz he was harassing someone that yeah right so you know but they really they really went there because they didn't want him to get killed yeah yeah so he's handcuffed right and he's like um also
01:09:00
they broke the windows of his house yeah you don't yell the nword and then say your address and say come see me the
01:09:07
dumbest [ __ ] white nationalist I've ever seen your add you give the to your enemy I would give your address I give your address and then your
01:09:18
address you don't give your own address what kind of [ __ ] goes yeah come see me attack you attack an entire race of people and go come to my house right and you're not in the South no dude you're
01:09:30
in you're in New Jersey yeah you're in Jersey you're in New Jersey not hard to get to get not hard
01:09:36
to get to the the fact that this by the way you know who you know who I feel kind of bummed for these cops are
01:09:42
getting pelted with [ __ ] yeah and they're like all we're trying to do is get this racist out of here so you guys
01:09:48
don't kill them and we have to clean up a murder scene no I'll tell you why because when you the video that we saw
01:09:54
in the before mhm there it was it's a longer video right so there's a moment where do you know the whole context of
01:10:00
the video the moment he's saying all these racial like these whatever whatever right there's a cop there oh
01:10:07
right and then he's like he can't do nothing you know the white n is like I know the law you mean I can say whatever I want they all know the law by the way these guys are big they're they're
01:10:17
lawyers you know this guy they're all lawyers white nationalists are all lawyers that's my favorite thing on the internet they go I know my rights yeah
01:10:24
do you yeah do you a grade school dropout do you really know your rights but let's say First Amendment right
01:10:31
there you go I'm exercising My First Amendment rights no man you can't yell racial epithets in the street regardless
01:10:36
it's like but these people too are exercising their rights well not to throw bottles at your face that's just
01:10:43
Karma I know but to show up to show up yeah that's they can show up out your house and protest your house and protest
01:10:49
you as a human MH hitting you in the face with a bottle illegal but also fun funny funny and fun funny check check on
01:10:55
very funny hey man turns out you can't yell the NW word in the street and then give your address and then expect people
01:11:01
not to show up and hit you in the face with stuff yeah just a vague that's an hey hey by the way if you hate black
01:11:07
people or anybody um don't yell it in the street and then give your address simple rule I would love to have a time machine simple rule go back in the past you know back like if escaped like a
01:11:19
slave escaped a plantation white people would gather together with torches like just like this but the opposite and hunt
01:11:26
this person down right yeah I would love to go back in the past and just have this video I'm not laughing at what you're saying I'm laughing at where your
01:11:32
head is going and just and to look at these white people and go this is the future show them what it's yeah it blow
01:11:39
their minds yeah be careful what you're doing now because this is the future yeah show the go back to right under the play button scr scroll back yeah scrub to there here's where we
01:11:51
watch our boy dunk one more time let's watch him dunk one more time you push p i I'll give you that you can turn the music off yeah if
01:11:58
you give me the if you pause on it at the right spot okay go and mid hop ready and now beautiful hop
01:12:09
form the Hops yeah look at the hook you know what also for better grippage mhm the glove oh he's got a glove on for better grippage per cuz he was like if I'm throwing water bottles you know I'm
01:12:19
bringing a glove yeah yeah yeah so it doesn't slip you know what I mean the water doesn't come genius genius now
01:12:26
let's see how hard he throws it let's press play really good rotation the follow
01:12:32
through was incredible it's a spike it's a it's a volleyball it was a spike dude volleyball coaches all over the country
01:12:39
we've got your guy press play and and right I mean look at look at the elevation scholarship look at the D1 D1 scholarship hello UCLA yeah yeah I have your guy this guy's the best look at the
01:12:51
elevation look at the elevation he used another human being as a shoulder pump perfect if you're going to jump look at
01:12:57
let's do it one more time if you're going to jump and ready well he's holding on to one of his buddies it's
01:13:03
like the Olympics where they go on the hobby horse thing the pmel horse P horse P he's Pummel horsing another person
01:13:09
that's amazing by the way this is sprinkled with some whites out there yeah they got some love they got some local white support look at there's a
01:13:15
grocery bag someone was just shopping trying to get home somebody was just coming home speaking of the Olympics
01:13:22
that Shakari Richardson thing is is [ __ ] oh the weed thing it's [ __ ] go on her mom died yeah two weeks before it
01:13:35
yeah she wanted to smoke a little weed yeah the problem is it's no there's no problem no no here's my thing there's no
01:13:40
problem I think I think it's [ __ ] that weed is still federally illegal that's our bigger problem so the
01:13:45
Olympics committee now is obeying by the rules of the federal government yeah which the whole thing is is [ __ ] up
01:13:51
because you're allow they're allowed to approve certain drugs yeah right you can take Advil I can tell pain relief I can
01:13:57
even take cortisol okay to but because it's still ferally legal they still obey by the federal law yeah my bigger question is why is it still federally illegal it's crazy why is it that I'm in
01:14:10
the state that I'm in I can smoke pot on my porch with my family yeah huh I can go home with my I can smoke a big joint family yep I with your kids well no not
01:14:16
with my kids but I mean seriously yeah and with your grandparents and we're good the moment I cross an invisible
01:14:23
line an invisible states are lines now you go you can go to prison for that for the dumbest [ __ ] I've ever heard in my life my bigger problem the Olympics thing is bad I feel bad but how is this
01:14:35
still illegal I can't that's the broader that's the broader problem well no because I'm
01:14:41
looking at it from I'm saying I understand why people are mad about it but moreover it goes how come we can't
01:14:47
go can we fix this already and just make it federally legal get this over with cuz this is the kind of stuff where you go this is this is why this is why the
01:14:58
country hates each other is because certain states have certain laws that don't abide by other states and other laws and just because of that the
01:15:05
politics come into play it's all [ __ ] it's all [ __ ] yeah but let these people smoke pot it infringes on
01:15:12
no one's rights we could let the states do what they want to do for their own people I think it should be federally
01:15:18
legal across the people do what they want to do with their own people let the people do what they want to do with their own people yeah I feel bad I feel
01:15:25
bad for that chick I think it sucks I think it's [ __ ] [ __ ] but also it's not a performance enhancement drug
01:15:30
oh Michael Phelps won [ __ ] the most gold medals of all time and he was an avid pot smoker yeah what happened
01:15:36
there nothing he but was he tested and well he would he would pass those tests before he went to swim yeah I I I guess that's her bad the timing part of it is like lady yeah yeah don't you know you
01:15:47
got to run in the Olympics yeah yeah yeah that's my other side of the story is I'm like it's [ __ ] but also
01:15:52
someone should have gone Shakari yeah no you got smoke about run a [ __ ] Olympics like if shakar was at the the
01:15:57
weed party with the the circle you know they're passing the passing the joint and I was next to her I get it right right M I'd pass it
01:16:06
back to no you wouldn't you'd be so enamored by the fact that you're with one of the greatest like Olympic Runners of all time she's like I'm not supposed
01:16:12
to because I'm running and you're like maybe a little bit I don't know I don't think so maybe a little bit no I think
01:16:18
I'd be like nah you got to run Chicago you're like you're an Olympics you're an Olympics girl we can't give it to you
01:16:26
wouldn't you do that as a friend though if I was running no cuz let me tell you something yeah or floating I'm friends
01:16:31
with certain pro athletes yeah I wouldn't if I was getting high with a pro athlete but knew that they're not
01:16:37
supposed to get high I wouldn't stop them it's not my job they're adults who am I to tell them not to smoke
01:16:43
pot you know what I mean who am I you're his friend I know but it's not my bit it's not he could be like shut the [ __ ] up [ __ ] and I'd be like okay here's the weed the Shakari thing but by the way it
01:16:55
is it's a two-sided story to me I feel bad for her because it's [ __ ] yeah but at the these two things can coexist
01:17:01
but at the same time why did you why did you do it right before the Olympics that's my problem it's a two-way street
01:17:07
it's a bummer it's also [ __ ] I also they should let her run of course they should you didn't you didn't you didn't
01:17:15
viol got a great personality a great Vibe the amount of Olympians that cheat and use HGH I know dude what do you mean
01:17:23
Lance Armstrong was like uh yeah we all were taking steroids yeah every [ __ ] bu the Tor France was all steroids but maybe that's a lesson to to learn maybe
01:17:34
future Olympic Runners will be like remember Shakari what happened to Shakari I think the bigger issue again
01:17:39
is yes it is a lesson but it's a lesson that our country should federally legalize a [ __ ] plant that has literally no performance-enhancing
01:17:45
[ __ ] bit there's no scientific research that has been proven to find that marijuana gives you a scientific
01:17:51
Edge or I mean um a prefer you think there would be would deter somebody it would hurt them kind of the old joke is
01:17:57
like oh you get sleepy and hungry you wouldn't want to run but it's like but some people do use it during performance
01:18:03
I know guys that smoke pot and go for long runs they only will run when they're Stone I know dude that smoke pot
01:18:08
and lift weights and act in scenes oh please what do you mean I've been with those guys all day long there's guys I
01:18:14
how do you [ __ ] do that what Keenan from SNL they say he's stoned the whole time yeah but he's but he's a
01:18:20
professional pot smoker that's what it is when you smoke pot all the time you're us You' been would you be able to
01:18:27
act no I'd be just sleepy yeah sleepy so sleepy the point is it's [ __ ] let her [ __ ] run also legalized pot can we grow up in legalized pot and because
01:18:40
our Tonight Show the show of tonight is going to feature Rudy jwes uh I want her to end the show you
01:18:47
know last time people got mad we didn't say thank you for being a bad friend yeah so we're going to do it now all of us in the room as loud as we can on
01:18:54
count of three you guys too thank you look at me we're going to do it together one
01:19:07
two three Bob one two 3 thank you for being a bad [Music] friend wo yeah woo wo