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hey everybody friends we're on tour in the fall we added some dates it's gonna be great September 14th Rochester
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Rochester New York 15th and we're in Northfield Ohio September 16th two shows
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one haul Monroe Pennsylvania we sold out the first one the second one is added uh in Munhall then October 6th where are we
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Boston Massachusetts okay then October 21st we go to Washington DC go see him
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go see Biden and then we hit October 28th we go to Denver Colorado and then November is the 24th Milwaukee Wisconsin
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Milwaukee Wisconsin November 25th Chicago we go Milwaukee and then Chicago November 20th Minneapolis Minnesota
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November 30th is Minneapolis Minnesota December 1st Madison Wisconsin more
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dates to come go to badfriendspod.com bad friends.com also and thanks to you guys I'm going on
00:00:50
my own tour that's tour two shows in the biggest cities in America Irvine on July 12th and Bakersfield on July 15th where
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can they get the tickets tell them my website jet skijohnson.com
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ring ring ring ring hi Quinnipiac University hi it's fancy B can I do the
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podcast from the school yeah sure fancy what do you need I needed to look as awkward as possible without any of the
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normal podcasts no microphone no headphones I want them to be sitting as if it's a
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live 60 Minutes special
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[Music]
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nobody welcome listen I have a question yeah please so I I you know whatever I
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I'm not I didn't grow up around trees hmm a lot of woods right so let me ask you a question dude all right you know
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you watch a movie when somebody gets like knocked out and then they end up in a warehouse or in the middle of the woods they're tied what is the first
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thing they say when they wake up hello why do they ask that hello yeah they go hello they think we
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talk about that already we did yes a full episode hello
00:02:25
you want to start again yeah go ahead start again are you like me when you listen to a song like Lionel Richie or
00:02:32
Adele and they say hello and they say hello do you say hello back I always do hello hello anyway that's all I want I
00:02:40
want to start off that one and we've never talked about that before
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yeah and you know what Lionel Richie man Lionel Richie yeah Lionel Richie what did he do
00:02:50
his face is out of control why it's just so Lionel richie-ish all right it's uniquely here it's just like so and also
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he's like he's got the [ __ ] cosmetic surgery so now he's looking like a black Benedict Cumberbatch Comfort patch yeah
00:03:05
what is better than Cumberbatch look like he had facial plastic surgery all the time he did he was in a tragic
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accident when he was seven years old Doctor Strange he did yeah he was in the car accident they had to fix him yeah you remember I do here we are in
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Quinnipiac University home of men's NCAA division one hockey championships this
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year they beat Minnesota uh they sure did beat Minnesota the long
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time uh most winningest hockey's Championship are of course uh Michigan I
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don't like the sport I don't care about the college sport of course Denver and Michigan hold the reigning uh nine
00:03:39
titles a piece I believe uh and Quinnipiac University men's NCAA division one hockey Champs of this year
00:03:45
and they've hosted us at their college thanks to fancy B thank you fancy B for having us we are in the midst of a
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wooded area that we drove through today in Connecticut yeah it's called The Sleeping Giant Hill Woods State Park
00:03:58
sleeping giant State Park you think your people live in the forest no but if you were lost in the forest I'd be like if
00:04:04
you saw naked Bobby Lee there peek around a [ __ ] oak tree yeah
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right you'd be like [ __ ] he lives here yeah um is that the language you speak yeah
00:04:17
somebody said that we seem like we have our own language do you think we can communicate without using English let's try it
00:04:23
ready ready I'm gonna so we're in an elevator I got I need to know the environment yeah
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a job interview I'm interviewing you yeah and I'm and I'll tell you what the
00:04:35
factory it's a factory yeah for what felt oh felt Factory for Muppets and stuff oh okay yeah puppets and stuff
00:04:43
puppets and Muppets yeah but we're in um an island off of the off of Thailand
00:04:49
off the coast of Tunisia gonk oh gonk Island yeah gonk Island got it right
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I replaced the end with another o right that's how crafty I am I like it
00:05:01
but if you put the O in the place with n it'll sound something different what what is it
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exactly so a different felt Factory ready um
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foreign
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[Laughter]
00:05:50
what happened in that yeah you said hi I'm here to interview for the job and
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you said you have any experience and you said yes I have tons of experience with Muppets and you said do you finger The Muppets and then you acting how to hold
00:06:02
the fingering no it does exactly what it was and then when I brought it to you what were you thinking and you were like
00:06:08
who's that and you're like I don't know and I'm also thinking I don't know who I am in this sketch either I was never introduced
00:06:14
I did a swipe so what was the swipe about um I would swipe off her on Tinder I
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don't know which way exactly you would say no no she looks hard our word is
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yeah very slow and we made fun of your breasts and my breasts are funny oh that's not I didn't that's not
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I thought you're saying they're really fun yeah that's what I mean no I thought this meant like jacket like jacket jacket oh no it was boobs
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you see their boobs or Poncho yeah yeah Pancho Pancho Pancho Poncho oh that's
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what it was yeah yeah so let me ask yeah did he get the job
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he owned the factory yeah you just gave it to me like that I was CAO I don't CEO
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and I was like no he's better he's got to have it yeah and I you and I right we die
00:07:01
we tried it that makes sense who dies first she dies dude in any scenario she dies
00:07:07
first I jumped to catch a bullet but it goes through me and kills him anyway yeah we'll go right through yeah yeah no
00:07:12
you're going to the gym a lot lately so you might be tough that muscle might be thick I just started going to the gym but thank you let me see your muscle
00:07:18
show me your arm my arm muscle look at that thing something in there jacked we're all going to the gym I think you
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should join you said you were gonna start doing it I love to let me ask you another question man ask a question I'd
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love about diversion diverge I love to let me ask you something if we were in a war right I got shot and the bullet went
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through my body and hit you would you die too or would the bullet be not as potent I think you have enough padding
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to slow it down oh yes okay I think if it went through me just say fat I know I said padding I think it went through me
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of kill you immediately if it went through me right but you've got way more cushion for the pushing would you think
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you would live and I would die uh if the bullet went through you and hit me no yeah I threw you oh if it went
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through me I didn't hit me you'd I would die and you'd be severely uh impaired right I feel like it would bounce off my
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body though no didn't go right through that thing okay it's soft right like it looks like it's a tough exterior but
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then you can get through it real easy like Play-Doh yeah would you rather get shot or have to deal with that machete
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Oh shot immediately kill me immediately you want to get stabbed slowly I want I
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like the drama and I like I want to show my acting chops you're not you're not gonna be
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acting you're gonna be that's gonna be reeling yeah it's method acting but that's deep yeah so you're gonna slowly
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die yeah I I probably need a couple of takes
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yeah yeah I just thought about that yeah and sliced me again I would say
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I do it again because I wasn't in the moment go ahead I'm bleeding now already
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I have to fart hold on ooh let me make you mad no I beg farts today I know
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sorry that's a good defense though if you're getting hacked up farting yeah yeah like squids put out that black yeah
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yellow fog yellow wow and all the pro look at this person
00:09:11
going for a run in the in the Hidden Forest and look at those shorts he's wearing good luck though you go out there you go out there to where the
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sleeping giant is dude let me just say something right now you white people you guys really do live this life I just saw
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it what do you mean taking a run no yeah but no he doesn't give a [ __ ] I'm gonna wear these shorts I'm free of
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the woods it is yeah
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look at the trees right it's you're frolicking that's not even [ __ ] running that's frolicking
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that's a skip no we don't do that man what do you mean yes you do what do you mean you think Asians don't go for a
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reason we Frolic no we run skip no we don't skip you never skip do it as a as
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a [ __ ] Rickshaw Runner I'm gonna try to get as fast as you can to your destination so I can make more money
00:10:07
more tips yeah if I get fast I brought you the Shanghai Hyatt
00:10:13
right I'm staying at the Hyatt oh yeah Four Seasons thank you Shanghai Four
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Seasons yeah yeah I go hey buddy get on and I'll go hey man you did a great job
00:10:26
it was 20. yeah and I'll get you to you give me to my destination yeah I think you do a great job but I do
00:10:32
think you could live this life I know you say that but you could live this life with the white people I think you could you do you've grown up amongst
00:10:38
whites you you act like you're white I'm white adjacent no I think you're white in you're in white no dude I feel white
00:10:44
you're off-white your Virgil ablo's off white because you know you're egg white you're egg white
00:10:49
no no he's the yolk yeah I'm the egg white in the in the breakfast sandwich of bad
00:10:57
friends I'm the egg white he's the yolk you're the English muffin I'm the muffin
00:11:03
you're the muffin for sure but I'm the fattening part that's right hell yeah that's why you're the yellow I get it
00:11:09
you're all the cholesterol that's flavor baby oh well you're the English muffin you're dry yeah but I hold everything together
00:11:14
yes you do and you have many crevasses little nooks and crannies give us your best British accent right now okay okay
00:11:22
oh my God that's so bad do it again what
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you mean you didn't like it the first time oh it's so [ __ ] bad so bad I
00:11:34
like it tell me your tell me in your best British accent that like your grocery store list like you're reading me off your your grocery store oh right
00:11:40
all right let's see what we got here I need some potatoes potatoes let her do
00:11:46
it let her do it I want to pick that word
00:11:51
I guess we don't sell that here Asperger's yeah you're the store manager bonjour yeah they do they do hello hello
00:11:59
hello Brothers yes you have
00:12:05
yes Asperger's is an internal disease right or no no Affliction the one that
00:12:11
makes your piss smell oh we have got that in the in the in the vegetable veggie aisle all right all right all
00:12:18
right all right you know what's so great we're at a this is like a film school yeah we're fired imagine how little these kids are learning from us they're
00:12:25
listening to this being like this can't be good this is not what we should be knowing let me ask you this I think that sounds really good the English come over
00:12:31
here right and then through time we came up with our own accent what the [ __ ] happened how come we don't talk like
00:12:37
this now well you know transatlantic became an accent when they were crossing over the ocean because so many people
00:12:43
are blending their their accents together and then what happened is when you move to different sections transatlantic so they're they're binary
00:12:49
too huh the oceans are non-binary yeah yeah like like have
00:12:55
you ever seen the oceans are getting involved well the Pacific Ocean so if I call it ocean a lake they're like Maybe
00:13:03
I can be whatever I want they want oh certain ocean to be a river is that what they're saying it can now
00:13:08
it's just a body it's too far a body it's too far for me what's next you're gonna take away River rights yeah but if
00:13:15
you know if I'm like looking at the ocean I'm going hey Pacific Europe you're an ocean and they're like I'm a
00:13:20
puddle they're in my mind I'd be like I don't think you are man yeah but I am I'm the Pacific Ocean and I'll be
00:13:26
whatever I want to be okay okay I'm not even water anymore how about that or on land and land is water whoa that's
00:13:34
intense so nothing makes sense anymore correct nothing means anything it's a transatlantic yeah transatlantic yeah do
00:13:41
you know what the Transatlantic accent was do you know what I'm referring to no when you hear this very like astute
00:13:47
Debonair type of talk when everyone went up yes that was a Transatlantic accent I mean there was like a during the course
00:13:54
of people coming over accidents were merged and forged together so it's kind of scounded like this like TV talk a
00:14:00
little bit old timey Hollywood yeah exactly right yeah transatlantic had very much of this a a very astute
00:14:07
Atlantic nobody sounded like that in England like this now get your paper but then
00:14:14
that stuff all dissipated when people started to move away well show me your ticket show me your
00:14:20
dukes or put them up I said I took them out don't come up pick them up I see I say do come up put
00:14:27
on some Billy Hollow there so here come up you land on Ellis Island yeah right where's the first place you're moving to out of Thailand
00:14:34
well you can't move here man this is the port so you got to pick a place okay I I'll I'll move to
00:14:40
um Maine Maine what part of Maine
00:14:45
Portsmouth Portsmouth Maine is it is there sure is is it really so you came
00:14:51
all the way here from China yeah yes I have and what's that what's your trade my
00:14:57
trade yeah Dynamite so you just have you make dynamite well at first my friend
00:15:03
at first my friend I was gonna work on the railroad that's it I have a movie this is it yeah I was gonna win the railroad a transatlantic Chinese guy
00:15:10
yeah yeah but I found out that the Chinese were blowing up so I decided I'm gonna move to Portsmouth and I'll tell
00:15:17
you my buddy friend do and I'm gonna work in the lobster trade
00:15:23
oh smart and clams and muscles and other Crustaceans sounds like you got your
00:15:30
whole life patterned out does anybody want a paper why are you trying to fight everyone
00:15:40
is your publication refused to work on the railroad is your publication called Duke Em Up yes do them up papers you see
00:15:46
and I you know you know you from where I come from right we do no I'm now
00:15:51
transatlantic I do it dude that would be a cool [ __ ] Ramen
00:15:58
Ramen what let's start a Ramen company called goo come up what do you mean
00:16:15
welcome to America kid yes thank you what's my new name I'm Chang no not
00:16:21
anymore I know but I will say what is my name now your name's Jimmy Jimmy Wilson
00:16:27
Chang your post chat what's my last name your name is Chang Jimmy post change
00:16:35
you know the legend of Jimmy do come up post Chang one of the greatest boxer slash crustacean sellers of all time
00:16:41
hello but know you know what sucks about us back in the day you know I mean we were
00:16:47
in San Francisco Asians right yeah and probably New York and stuff right because you know the Chinatown and stuff
00:16:52
like that but there was no cross like do you think back in the day in the 40s or the 30s I'd be able to get white girls
00:16:58
no yeah white girls had no rights no what
00:17:04
you still don't yeah you know I have a little more white girls got no rights my girl's got no rights are you talking
00:17:11
about oh they could have vote and why did you get married one easy no but he's saying could he hook up with white girls
00:17:16
they're not gonna hook up you'd have to marry one and be like you wouldn't even marry him I think that they would look right through me not if you were Jimmy
00:17:27
everybody knows you oh [ __ ] yeah
00:17:32
very successful shellfish business well yeah I've heard of you are you Jimmy dugama post Chang yes I've heard of it
00:17:40
crustacean business I have the cross Nation business would you like to eat my White muffin does it taste like mussels
00:17:47
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00:20:56
it I need to hear it first oh we'll be back I'll be back I'll be back I'll be back
00:21:08
all of the years I spent all these years I explained fancy can you make a animation
00:21:16
it's wrong yeah right I could do that all of the years that that I spent I spent lifting
00:21:24
weights lifting weight in Australia yeah that's good it's pretty good Jimmy
00:21:31
Jimmy Duke him up post Chang anyway so I always think about like you know this is
00:21:36
the only time where my people could be here in the last maybe three or four years what do you mean be here in Connecticut no in America
00:21:43
you've been in America I know I'm just saying for a long time but in the early you know in the 1800s
00:21:49
or early 19th century I wouldn't be able to be here I wouldn't have I wouldn't have the life that I have no I couldn't
00:21:54
do stand up do you not know about the the one of the most famous cowboys of all time no John
00:22:00
Wayne John Wayne oh I've never heard of him tell me do you come up
00:22:06
he was a famous bank robber whoa yeah that's interesting tell me more about John Wayne hands to the sky and he would
00:22:15
go rob banks he literally took trains across the west and read rob banks he was a famous this is a real guy really famous John Wayne yeah yeah let me see
00:22:22
if I can play here yeah stick him up I hands to the sky listen here wank what
00:22:29
you've been through these parts before you think you're gonna get away with this oh you tricked me I don't have a girl oh
00:22:39
comedian too oh yeah he was a comedian yeah he made the bank tellers laugh that's how he got their mind I've never
00:22:44
seen you do an Asian accent and you never will I would love to hear it well dude have you seen this video
00:22:51
that circulated about the the howling or they call it the they call it the what is it called it's called like the I
00:22:57
watched it the other night about there's a bunch of sailors that they say um what the ones with the lobster with
00:23:05
the eggs no no no I was uh kick him out I was uh no no no no no there's a bunch
00:23:10
I'm kidding let me kick him up but I'm kidding no no there's a bunch of sailors that there's a there's a theory you have
00:23:15
to look it up Macon about um getting called into the sea about mermaids they have a Sirens the sirens
00:23:22
yes Sirens history do you know about the Sirens of the sea yeah I play video games they sing but have you have you
00:23:30
heard it there's a video that's circulating the internet now of of a guy of a fisherman out in the sea and the
00:23:35
sirens sounds so but they can do that in post no no no no I'm on the boat I'm not
00:23:41
gonna this is shot on like a [ __ ] Samsung Galaxy oh well then that's real and he just heard the sound he's
00:23:46
recording and he's like listen to this and he's showing that there's tracers in the water and he's like what is tracing
00:23:51
with us and his buddy is like you know nobody knows and then the hearing the sirens and they start talking about it
00:23:56
and then all the thread below it is about how the sirens was this old myth that that uh mermaids would call Sailors
00:24:04
to jump in but this used to happen a lot people would kind of lose their orientation yeah and they would jump into the sea Pirates and sailors and
00:24:10
stuff because of the Sirens of these of these maidens from the sea it made me really believe in mermaids I genuinely
00:24:17
think it's real okay seriously do you not believe in mermaids I don't actually
00:24:22
no no it's now I'm not saying listen to me though yeah I'm not saying mermaid in the traditional sense where you see like half woman with that fish body below you
00:24:30
believe in aliens but we have no idea what they look like so why wouldn't you believe in like a merging humanistic
00:24:35
form that lives under the sea because I don't live in space so I don't know about the aliens do you believe on Earth
00:24:40
do you believe in them yeah but because theoretically there's billions of [ __ ] planets out there some of those
00:24:47
planets probably can support life but the depth of the ocean the depths of the ocean we we have no idea we have no clue
00:24:53
we know we know less about the ocean than we know about space ah
00:24:58
hi [Laughter]
00:25:04
who I believe that they could have existed at one point absolutely really just some dude that looks like Jason Momoa from the wait stop do you think
00:25:10
everyone has looked like you since the beginning of time I hope not either I know so we've changed shape and form do
00:25:17
I have also deep cut when it comes to uh humans you're a pretty shallow cut
00:25:22
what when it comes to humanistic form I mean you're kind of like no I'm like an original yeah you're like the beginning
00:25:27
stages then they carve it up into something more beautiful no that's not like I'm a slab of [ __ ]
00:25:33
concrete like the beginning
00:25:38
look at that little clay ball trying to get up in the chair when aliens come down here they're gonna look at me and
00:25:44
they go wow they did it wow they finally [ __ ] it up no no
00:25:49
no other way yeah well wow they make one of these too we have some on our planet yeah yeah we play with it and they live
00:25:56
in the bottom of the arrow so wait the mermaid in space is you I'm
00:26:01
up you're a space mermaid to them you're a mermaid yeah yeah I like that you really do believe in mermaids they'll be
00:26:06
100 what would your siren can I hear your siren Call I I don't believe in them so I shouldn't have you are a
00:26:13
mermaid of space what's your siren Call in space [Music]
00:26:19
see uh suck it I would I would steer towards
00:26:29
but in some people at the end is she what is she saying at the end socket
00:26:34
yeah there's no sound in space there is sound there is sound if he's on a planet
00:26:40
okay he's on Mars checks out checks out yeah dude imagine though if we could
00:26:45
take a space
00:26:57
eat it I absolutely believe in mermaids wow I
00:27:03
believe in something else there's other life forms underneath the ocean that we have no idea about I don't know what it looks like I
00:27:08
believe it minotaurs sure we saw one we know one who
00:27:18
you don't think that in one time I wish we could just say whatever we want in life we can I know honestly we can't I
00:27:24
wish we could do I wish in our society we could just do a podcast where there's no cutting no consequences no
00:27:31
consequences nothing would that we could just be free and say whatever you want as free as we can get no we're not
00:27:37
because we we are cutting a lot out yeah I want to be able to say anything I want yeah but then you get there's
00:27:43
consequences I don't want consequences why should there be consequences with things that you say because what do you mean because people
00:27:49
because because you're you're broadcasting this to hundreds of thousands of people yeah right so grow
00:27:55
up grow up no it's comedy here's the deal we say as much as we can in a free form without trying to make people feel
00:28:03
bad yes because you want to hurt people yeah yeah I know but you're right because people have said things about
00:28:08
you that you don't like and me I understand that but still they should have every right to do and I
00:28:14
don't think I should be able to ruin their life because they said it but sometimes it's fun to want to ruin their lives like fatties I want to talk about
00:28:20
fatties people that are chubby whatever well do you think you're allowed to talk about something if you fall in the
00:28:25
category but because you're a little chunky right now don't you think you fall in the category yeah that's why I think I can no you can I've gained
00:28:31
weight huh a little bit stop sucking in your stomach no I've gained weight I see you I'm gonna feel it Let It Go see
00:28:36
there it is I gained so much weight can I can I tip you off as maybe why cookies
00:28:42
you ordered four sandwiches sandwiches that were this big he ordered four
00:28:47
sandwiches and you didn't even finish them I gave them a cone Because by the way he eats once a month and you you
00:28:53
left all of them in the on the table in the fridge with one bite out with one bite that's so wasteful so what no
00:28:59
that's no no good wasteful that's nice wasteful yeah that's what your pants say
00:29:06
when you put them on because you know you know like the sea creatures out there yeah you might see creatures
00:29:12
like My Little Mermaids Little Mermaids yeah you know they're like Islands made out of plastics that we human beings they're out there we're cleaning them up
00:29:19
I don't want them to you want them to to do because no it's not you're not polluting because they float plastic
00:29:24
yeah and you know ducks and seagulls they can relax on them okay so check it out everybody at
00:29:31
home please start throwing plastic bottles back into the ocean I agree with this I think we should I always look at those colors look at that pink straw
00:29:38
that's jabbed into that [ __ ] Duck's eye also when the plastic melts it creates beautiful colors exactly yeah
00:29:44
when the plastic melts it's yeah it's good for the fish it's so good you know anyway that's just my two well tell me
00:29:49
what you want to talk about fat people then because you're fat now so go ahead no I don't but you're not I don't think
00:29:55
I have a broader point I want to say well give it to me I am giving it to you now I just saying that like you know how
00:30:01
freeing would it be if we could just say exactly what we want and how we feel about certain things but is it how you
00:30:06
really feel or you know it's a joke so you're saying I think it's a joke but still it's like I want to be able to go
00:30:11
there you know but you can't go ahead how do you feel about it I can't fat people how do you feel I hate them oh
00:30:18
wow here we go I love them I love them no see you just said you wanted to be free
00:30:23
yeah so then be free no what I'm saying yeah you're right but you know my bro my brother this is my point you don't
00:30:30
actually want to say it you're right because if you did but I wanna I want the freedom to have that as an option
00:30:35
though it is it is you of course you can there is consequences you can go you can
00:30:42
go around town saying whatever you want something may happen because of it yeah well that's the whole point so we pick
00:30:47
and choose what we what we're okay with maybe saying yeah but I think that words and actions are two different things
00:30:54
yeah but one can lead to the other that is true they're not mutually exclusive but they can you're right you go to go
00:31:00
to an all-black neighborhood yell the n-word see if anything happens I would never do that it's not funny I know
00:31:06
that's my point yeah that's what I'm talking about what are you talking about in a comedic way if you could talk about
00:31:11
certain things I mean like for instance the whole transatlantic thing we did yeah it was fun I know but in many ways
00:31:17
it we might not even able to [ __ ] air that what are you talking about or when I did Asian accent yeah no that one
00:31:23
we're keeping it I know we are also what you're talking about the transatlantic joke was was a broader joke yeah that's
00:31:29
that is Sim did you put that dip back in your mouth yeah good double dip double
00:31:34
dipping dog that is way past the three second rule I understand it but but I'm just first of
00:31:41
all can we talk about that real quick what did did scientists measure that [ __ ] three seconds they did germs
00:31:47
only move at a certain speed that's right right so in three seconds so there's 56 they found out they did a
00:31:53
bunch of research to find out terms are slow terms are very french fry on the floor Let's uh germs have an extra
00:31:58
chromosome I think a dad started that because he was tired of his kids wasting food yeah it's like uh three seconds you
00:32:04
can still eat it okay germs have an extra chromosome they're a little slow oh they do they're a little no no
00:32:09
they're a little slow they're Downy a little bit okay do they Huggle
00:32:15
what there's Down syndrome germs are there germs that have like spinal bifida
00:32:21
they kind of you know what I mean that's why they call it Downy soap because it like all right
00:32:29
yeah that's what I'm saying it's germs there are smaller than
00:32:34
regulars smaller than the eye can see right and the other germs make fun of them they do they pick on them yeah come
00:32:39
on Tommy yeah catch up we'll just throw it up
00:32:45
right so what I'm saying you know what's the longest something could be on the floor before you'd eat it
00:32:50
I've eaten things after like a couple hours actually got around the floor yeah
00:32:56
like a potato chip yeah oh see potato chip I'm okay with it it's fried and coated not gravy I wouldn't scoop up no
00:33:04
of course not but I want to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay let's go over the list of things that falls on a dirty
00:33:10
kitchen floor that you would pick back up and eat a potato chip I'm totally I I'm okay with it I'm okay with potatoes
00:33:15
what about a piece of fruit like a strawberry I was just thinking that no no it's too wet what about a hard like
00:33:21
an apple has a heart outside
00:33:30
yeah because you could wash it oh no sliced watermelon no just a whole
00:33:35
water and I can't no of course water that's fine it sits outside that's what I'm saying all right so what about something that's a little bit uh like a
00:33:41
like like a uh peach because a peach is soft and a little moist if you could wash it
00:33:47
no you can't wash no that's the whole point if you can't watch this yeah in this [ __ ] Center no watch
00:33:52
that's the whole point of this no washing a peach yeah you're eating it
00:33:57
yeah okay for some reason I would eat a rib like like cooked ribs that is the most
00:34:05
that's the worst it's because for some reason I can get one side of it or something the sauce is like the sauce I
00:34:11
know but if it's like on its side I could eat the side that's not on the floor all right check it out slice of pizza Falls face side up right so just
00:34:18
the crust hits you still gonna eat it hell yeah oh that's interesting Pizza is always good yeah because the crust is
00:34:23
hard yeah and it's and it's burnt I would eat it you would how many hours though thick six no
00:34:29
four an hour an hour max yeah what happens after one hour
00:34:36
[Laughter] finally gets there yeah yeah okay what about what about like uh um
00:34:44
what about a liquid that spills no no liquid at all if they had Cleopatra's
00:34:50
breast milk I might taste it that's right and now it's preserved in a sarcophagus imagine they open the
00:34:57
sarcophagus she's holding just a bottle of breasts would you yeah yeah it's history yeah
00:35:04
would you um okay let me just ask you another question then would you mean Abe Lincoln's boogers you know they used to
00:35:10
collect his boogers who did Abe's wife Mabe I'd have to try it maybe because
00:35:17
I've had I've had like modern day boogers but I've never had one when's the last time you ate a booger for real
00:35:23
a day two days hours I'll be honest with the Judy booger today
00:35:28
and the car if it has the red dryness to it I sometimes eat it blood yeah if there's a little bit of blood on
00:35:34
anything yikes yeah have you ever eaten a booger yeah I've never eaten a booger never in
00:35:40
your life no but it's so not true that's such a life my handy guy my hand to God I've done much you don't believe in God
00:35:45
I don't give a [ __ ] I've done embarrassing stuff even when you were a kid never never because I saw the kids that did eat boogers and they grossed me
00:35:51
out yeah me too I mean sometimes it happens
00:36:07
Cleopatra was [ __ ] puts on it stop diverting you have one time tasted your
00:36:13
poop look me in the face I swear I gotta have it say swear on everything I swear on everything that you've never tasted I've never eaten poop that's ridiculous
00:36:18
tasted not even on accident there's no flavor but there's no flavor I know your point
00:36:25
is I know you've tried right have you tried your own spunk can I ask you about that have you tried can we go back to Cleopatra
00:36:30
have you tried your own spunk what's a spunk your own jizz yes everyone has no I've never had never have never not one
00:36:37
time in your life never no one no curiosity nope none yeah nope I see it I smell it I know it you gotta do that
00:36:43
tonight though the booger and your jizz you have to but taste them both you gotta be careful you do it you feel like
00:36:49
it's cannibalism you're eating your kids you're eating your own food keeps so it's not good no you didn't like it can
00:36:55
I ask you something you're a scientist God bless right you discover the tomb of Cleopatra here she is right mummified
00:37:02
right yeah as a scientist you go I want to see what's on this inside right you unravel hero right I know yeah
00:37:10
everything's petrified except for the vag it's perfectly intact that's how you
00:37:16
become the mummy it awakens then Brendan Fraser has to come back and
00:37:22
kill her what do mummy sound like Brendan Fraser as the whale yeah I've
00:37:28
always wanted to be a uh what Indiana Jones did what Anthropologist archaeologist that's what I mean let him
00:37:35
have it let him have it the way he wants you know an archaeologist I think you should be an anthropologist no that'd be
00:37:41
cool be an archaeologist you would raid things no but I've always wanted to like go to like a dirty field and with those little
00:37:48
brushes you imagine you have the patience to do that you have to go to school first
00:37:54
oh [ __ ] a ruin my [ __ ] dreams man no but let me ask you a real question yeah you know you'd have to see of course I
00:38:00
go to school man that's not that you sit out there for hours and hours and hours you have the patience to do that yeah
00:38:05
hunched over in the dirt if there's if I can find like an exotic coin yeah but it's hours and most days you find
00:38:12
nothing I know but if I can find one but let's say you don't you spend your whole life do I get like
00:38:18
you know back like in Jurassic Park and stuff they give you like the city funds it they find like an um I think
00:38:24
philanthropic billionaire most bonds of my [ __ ] research most of these I'll just be out there in the middle of a
00:38:29
[ __ ] random field and just do that all day yeah I get paid by like some non-profit you're not making a lot of money you can't you're a foundation is
00:38:36
sponsoring you you're making a little bit of money to survive yeah but that's better than like working at Denny's says who you're right the Grand Slam you
00:38:42
don't want to slap those on the tables all day long no but if you could discover like you know what I want to discover what
00:38:48
baby find that little knife that's stabbed Jesus in the god knife he got nailed he got nailed to a
00:38:54
cross no but there was a didn't somebody stab him on the side I knew they read different stories in Korean churches they did they did they did right yes
00:39:01
I didn't kill him if you could discover that knife wow and then you have Jesus's
00:39:07
blood on the tip of the knife would you lick it no it'll lick it no I'll clone it yeah like Jurassic Park like Jurassic
00:39:12
Park Jesus Parks we have a bunch of Jesus's Jesus part yeah yeah
00:39:27
I would make hundreds of them yeah it's not a knife it's not Lambs what the holy
00:39:32
lands yeah that's clear Jesus it's called The Holy lands yeah and
00:39:37
they've cloned him and they found it Lance I think it's still missing the Lance I think you're saying holy lands
00:39:44
it is a holy land yeah but so the holy lands did they ever find that thing the Spear of Destiny is also called yeah
00:39:50
Spirit Destiny they never find it it's still missing it's still missing dude let's find it sounds suspect today was
00:39:56
still missing didn't happen really he was never shanked
00:40:01
I Think Jesus made everything bigger than it was like walk on water he skipped across a pond judah's probably
00:40:07
just bumped into it yeah oh did you see what Judas just did he stopped me it was just in the farmer's market she's just
00:40:13
relax wait who's the X-Men that just split the ocean Wolverine oh wait sorry I got my story this is the guy from the
00:40:19
Biblical times yeah there's an X-Men that split the oceans oh yeah Moses Moses part of the sea that's a guy's
00:40:25
dope he's not an X-Men was he who else could split the ocean apart like that Moses X-Men
00:40:32
you know he's like uh that's interesting Moses was Jewish right or Aquaman wasn't
00:40:38
he Jewish Moses yeah and he split the scene he goes oh too high the water was so high all right can I ask you another
00:40:46
scene about the Bible yeah I've been thinking about this yeah you know how Jesus turned water into wine why did he
00:40:52
do that because let me ask you something he's God right so he could [ __ ] turn water into any beverage even beverages
00:40:59
that weren't even invented like a pina colada imagine if he turned a water into pina colada and they're like what is this but
00:41:04
I think one of them's so much easier to communicate what do you mean well wine he's like you know grapes wine and everyone's like okay better be sorry to
00:41:11
be like pina colada you know yeah the flavor of coconut that you get like that's so cool like this is from the
00:41:18
future it would be funny you have to like name brands in the Bible yeah it's like that's a sugar-free Red Bull they're like whoa I'm not I'm not that
00:41:25
tired what sugar don't worry it's free of it
00:41:30
I mean you could do any beverage yeah he should have turned it I don't know I you know that's a reason
00:41:37
about it dude and why did Jesus if he was so powerful exactly how come he
00:41:43
didn't just heal everybody right only lepers what about him yeah he let those
00:41:48
go yeah imagine if like there was like Jesus please I'm I'm dying right will
00:41:54
you help me yeah like a Freddie Mercury guy you know what I mean thick mustache
00:41:59
yeah are you imagine yeah that's what Jesus looks like no I'm just saying if you could cure him they do say Jesus was
00:42:06
a frequent at bath houses so but don't he could only heal the people that believed in him and his dad
00:42:12
yeah you had to believe in both what if you just believe him more I don't think you can no that's like a package three
00:42:18
of them are Holy Ghost Jesus and God they're the same yeah all three of them you gotta believe in you know the Holy Ghost is Jesus when he's dead whoa dead
00:42:25
Jesus is Holy Ghost wait I didn't get that far yet that's not the end in the book yeah
00:42:31
that's pretty good a pretty good book he dies sorry Morgan and Morgan hey Andrew if you were
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number one meal kit alcohol okay has been consumed most likely in the
00:45:31
history of humanity more than water was consumed at one point because water was deadly and poisonous yeah but because
00:45:38
through fermentation people would often drink like it wasn't on it was it was not unusual for people of a certain era
00:45:45
to drink spirits in the morning for breakfast yeah because that because
00:45:51
water was poisoned yeah water was filthy I mean it was polluted whoa so they would just you know you would make
00:45:58
alcohol and it's easier to drink safer to drink you know who would be the worst follower of Jesus who Bert Kreischer
00:46:04
you'd have [ __ ] gallons of water come on Jesus every time Jesus would make something he finishes he's like water
00:46:10
come on Bert yeah yeah yeah don't you think water do water in the Cheetos
00:46:17
there you go Jesus secret time secret time secret time yeah
00:46:22
I don't know much about the Bible I was not raised with a religion so I don't know much about it I don't know much either I just know whatever bullet
00:46:28
points you know yeah it doesn't show that's the what did you just say it doesn't show this guy you know he's a
00:46:34
Catholic yeah like who's the guy the Jonah not Joan Noah's Ark I was just thinking no no no no I like that Jonas
00:46:40
Brothers Jonas on the rainbow no there was one guy right the Book of Job yeah job is
00:46:47
that his name yeah job is it job or Joe Joe okay but spelled the same yeah yeah remember the Transatlantic accent that
00:46:53
came from it's not job it's job oh yeah so job let
00:46:59
me talk about Joe right tell me all about him I don't know much about this one because I'm just through memory God
00:47:05
took a lot away from him is that that guy job yeah God took from him killed his
00:47:11
wife killed his wife and kids right kids yeah and all that right and then and job was like yes yes but he was like so
00:47:18
dedicated to God that at the end God goes here's more women yeah he gave him all the chicks God told me to do it see
00:47:24
oh yeah I'm sorry sweetheart this is God's will but which would you be like
00:47:30
yeah that's nice but what happened to Cynthia my son Billy yeah replaceable there are
00:47:35
replaceable yeah I'll be mad they're in heaven now they're happy imagine if you get to heaven and God speaks with the
00:47:41
Transatlantic accent hey we've been waiting for you yeah are you a Duke him up I remember you hi God anyway
00:47:49
um welcome to the paralegates what are some other Bible stories well you know about you know talking about well what
00:47:56
what about like uh um well Noah's Ark wouldn't fly now because he's got two of
00:48:02
every animal but he would have to get um trans animals too can I say that
00:48:28
here's another thought that I had though right let me ask you something so Noah brings
00:48:35
all these animals right a pair but then no two Chinese guys a Chinese
00:48:41
couple no it's just white people then what do you mean I mean think about that it was just him on a boat with animals I
00:48:46
know white guy and some of his family but [ __ ] the black people and the Chinese and the Mexicans
00:48:52
they weren't if they had to start over there wasn't Chinese and Mexicans there there was no Chinese and Mexicans in the
00:48:59
Bible back in then there dude you're you're talking about this is in the [ __ ] Middle East
00:49:05
it's in the [ __ ] Middle East so if why would the Chinese be in the Middle East that's my oh really so there are
00:49:10
certain [ __ ] animals that or pan does you think pandas are in the Middle East but they had two of those no they didn't
00:49:16
they took two of all else that's not in the song they did say two of every animal yeah they said two of my realm we
00:49:23
know it's a lie sloth from Papua New Guinea but do you think about that no because it's all [ __ ] [ __ ] no
00:49:30
it's real dude no not the Bible the guy had a [ __ ] boat with animals is [ __ ] insane and where the [ __ ] the
00:49:35
unicorns go exactly yeah it was [ __ ] I mean they didn't make it on that's why we don't
00:49:40
have them today oh they didn't make it but everybody else made it on yeah no more crickets made it out
00:49:46
crickets made it on yeah yeah centaurs minotaurs and burmes they didn't make it
00:49:51
off why didn't they make it up well mermaids can swim yeah but they could they didn't want to take a break they didn't want to hang on
00:49:57
exactly I guess let me tell you yeah there's no [ __ ] way that guy had every animal that's impossible there he
00:50:04
is again that's a woman yeah you're right so what
00:50:10
but here's what's up dude my point is is this okay
00:50:18
alligators and long neckies two Humpty back camels and some chimpanzees some uh
00:50:25
Baltimore's Galore but you don't understand no dinosaur that's the Noah's Ark do you know that song I know it in
00:50:33
Spanish what is in Spanish
00:50:40
it's the same Rhythm yeah yeah it's the same song two alligators and long neckies some
00:50:47
Humpty back camels and some chimpanzees some cats and rats and elephants and sure is there more yeah no dinosaur so
00:50:55
[ __ ] like that yeah because they were pretending like he [ __ ] forgot the dinosaurs yeah it's not it's not real
00:51:00
scam you're right scam I just thought of all that big bang Baby Big Bang guy over
00:51:05
here right your big bang 100 Bing Bang Boom I'm a dinosaur guy
00:51:12
yeah Big Bang Yeah man yeah we believe that they took them out I'm a dinosaur are you dinosaur guy Jesus created the
00:51:17
dinosaurs take a walk yeah can I tell you something what I don't believe in any of
00:51:23
it yeah you do believe in dinosaurs though 100 some people do believe that people
00:51:30
buried the bones to disprove Christianity Satan like Satan that's
00:51:35
that's a theory right went all around the world and [ __ ] planted dinosaur
00:51:40
bones to confuse everyone can you imagine if Satan Satan was getting frustrated when people were he's like not don't bury it there
00:51:47
all right just go there that's not gonna go into hell he's so demanding we're
00:51:55
trying our best I know same as a dick is you dick I'm trying my best Satan I'm
00:52:01
sorry yeah does Satan have a son yeah yes Jesus is a baby son he's right here
00:52:06
no no isn't Damien Satan son yes Damian Damien
00:52:12
Damien omen you never saw that do omen's the best movie Damien is the son of Satan yeah
00:52:18
the gaming is if you don't want to watch it tonight omen's so far scary I think almost so scary it is scarier than her
00:52:23
you wouldn't find it scarier now I recently saw it like six months ago like really oh man yeah I went are they still
00:52:30
scary the first two pretty scary yeah I feel like now with technology when I see older scary movies yeah like
00:52:36
but here's the scary part in in the omen movies they will go back to like some
00:52:43
sort of ancient archeology site and they dig through this tomb and they see a painting of
00:52:51
Damien in there no yeah pretty scary [ __ ] man yeah but okay but think about it like this whenever we sell like
00:52:57
hieroglyphics and paintings and stuff like that from a long time ago so many times yeah why are they doing this they
00:53:03
didn't know how to draw arms yet oh really they couldn't put them down yeah they just always met him up yeah uh uh
00:53:10
what it makes me laugh is like you think about how intoxicated were some of these
00:53:16
people when they were doing this what do you mean when they were making some of these like crazy drawings like you go
00:53:21
back like natives like a lot of native stuff like that they're they're on [ __ ] they're on peyote or mushrooms
00:53:27
or ayahuascas and yeah you see so a lot of these Visions was it because of the
00:53:33
intoxicants yeah because I've seen some of my notes during that's what I'm saying when I trip and I'm like this
00:53:38
could go on a wall somewhere yeah but it don't make no sense also they're similar in many caves there wasn't like a
00:53:45
Basquiat heroin guy that did his own thing there had been but there's probably and there's like some caveman
00:53:50
was like no no that's not good not good yeah yeah and he's like whoa whoa well yeah the poppy seed guy
00:53:56
pop see it the poppy seed guy got the heroin back then must have smelled so good I think it's probably better today
00:54:03
yeah but if you could figure that out back then if you're the first guy to do it yeah you see what what a poppy seed
00:54:09
yeah a poppy seed field how did they figure that out they look at it how do they turn it into heroin well there's
00:54:15
probably one guy that smoked everything like an oak tree is like my throat hurts
00:54:20
yeah it's something I try they tried everything and he got [ __ ] lit up on that [ __ ] a poppy seed and then imagine
00:54:27
the first guy that was like we should put it in my blood like put it right inside of my brother
00:54:33
like Nathaniel that's not gonna I don't want to smoke it I don't want to eat it throw it in my [ __ ] blood wow I'm
00:54:39
sure someone tried to stab themselves in the heart with it one time wow for sure oh my God the first heroine the first
00:54:45
heroine dude or imagine the first time they got the first guy that sniffed cocaine because I bet they would eat it or taste it touch it because he oh yeah
00:54:51
who made it into powder farm that guy must have been [ __ ] genius yeah we're like yeah that's the gym you imagine you
00:54:57
know how like you know when you first start masturbating when you're a kid and you're not really talking to your friends yet about it you know like everyone's kind of Keeping a Secret no
00:55:04
no I'm saying and then you slowly start to speak to each other about it right but when you first do it it's kind of like you don't talk so imagine imagine
00:55:11
the first couple of guys that were doing cocaine and then they all get together and one guy's like so how's it been he's like dude it's been amazing my nose is a
00:55:17
little bit and then one guy's been sticking it in his ass and he's like wait you guys are in your nose yeah
00:55:28
just Coke in my ass you guys are in your nose right yeah it goes to your brain yeah but your [ __ ] yeah I guess I'll
00:55:35
try the nose you know when you and your friend start jerking off and you start to kind of clue each other into [ __ ] when you're like you don't
00:55:42
start you never talked about it with your friends here's the thing about masturbating as a kid
00:55:47
may I say something I never thought it was embarrassing but all the kids would like I remember
00:55:54
saying to my friend [ __ ] Craig yeah I masturbate it feels and he's like why do you do that I don't Mouse right I get
00:56:01
real girls I go yeah but it feels good yeah I never felt like why why why do you guys notice that when kids didn't
00:56:06
admit it guy kids well there was always a couple of guys in my group that were like no I don't really do that and it's like really yeah yeah it feels like I
00:56:13
can't stop yeah I know at one point I was like three four times a day yeah when you're 15 and you're
00:56:20
just like you guys don't ever have that feeling do you like do young girls need like is
00:56:27
there wherever were there ever a day when you're flicking the bean like two three times a day yeah no I think like I
00:56:33
think what I did a lot of women do is like you're masturbating before you know it's masturbating because you're rubbing up against stuff yeah like fruit or
00:56:40
vegetables in there or no no oh they're rubbing stuff like pillows you'd rub them yeah yeah I would stick if I was a
00:56:46
hot dog I don't know a cucumber I don't give a [ __ ] but that's why God made you a guy you would eat it afterwards too they
00:56:53
feel he feels you out and he's like this guy's gonna shove too much [ __ ] in his [ __ ] yeah make him a guy I've had like
00:56:59
lamp fixtures in there like all everything I would try everything where was the where where did you often jerk
00:57:04
off was it always in your room at night or was it bathtub bathtub me too you're still today I love it love in the shower
00:57:10
you know what I do yeah I get on my knees hey when fossa comes out yeah I sit like you get on your knees and
00:57:16
masturbate to God I'm like this right and the fox is going down and with the
00:57:21
water coming down have you tried that I have the water pour on your penis I like
00:57:27
it strong water ow ow no no no no no lukewarm and then sometimes I do free
00:57:32
hand where's the water here I do freehand and the water hits are you sure you don't have a vagina that sells
00:57:37
and then sometimes I can come that way where is the water hitting right the head on my foot yeah my my [ __ ] dick
00:57:45
man don't make it sound like I'm weird you don't even [ __ ] Rushing Water of a spout they hit you on the penis what
00:57:50
do you think is gonna [ __ ] hit man that doesn't feel good you're trying it man you're [ __ ] the water so you're funny
00:57:56
yeah man that's nuts my nuts sometimes do I do not some no you've never tried
00:58:02
that no no you guys have never done that oh you [ __ ] a water spout
00:58:09
I've never taken you to a water for you yeah right [ __ ] the the [ __ ]
00:58:16
jacuzzi have you done that stick it on the [ __ ] jacuzzi so
00:58:23
strong those current and I just do this like this doesn't water get in the tip
00:58:28
yeah man no no thank you that also both of those sound like things women do yeah
00:58:34
exactly you put your little [ __ ] up against them see when I share things man sometimes
00:58:40
man I want some support do you use a I support I'm not vulnerable man no but you can't you can't you can't watch
00:58:46
support and then also asked if if that's what we do we don't do that but I support you for doing it but it's [ __ ] strange share things about
00:58:53
myself man I get [ __ ] ridiculed man that's not true you're fine
00:58:58
that's all though I support I thought it was great what you just told us yeah do you use a vibrator
00:59:06
I'm serious what do you mean by that do you use a vibrator I I've used things that Vibe
00:59:12
right yeah all right now we can move on
00:59:19
it's [ __ ] strange man how much of you like the East Coast now you know I'll be honest with you
00:59:25
um it's blowing my mind it's beautiful over here yeah because I I didn't know much about it you thought Jersey was
00:59:32
people last night he said I never played Jersey I thought it was just guys like the Jersey Shore the only thing new
00:59:37
about Jersey is through Sopranos and Jersey Shore so I'm like this is not my audience well that exists yeah but my
00:59:44
point is is that so I every gig that I would get offered in Jersey I would say I'm not playing there because you
00:59:50
thought Tony silly or any of those East Coast places Maine I've never been to Maine have you
00:59:56
no but Maine is not we're not going to Maine they have people there right I
01:00:01
like a 30. okay there's like 40 people Bob Marley created a [ __ ] career up there Bob Marley's the king of up there
01:00:08
yeah yeah Bob Marley people that don't know we're talking about the stand-up comedian yeah but you know you know this tour has been great because you know
01:00:13
I've been exploring um places that I thought you know you think things are one way but they're not
01:00:19
yeah like the South we love the South yeah they accepted me how much fun did we have in Nashville I loved it so fun
01:00:25
so fun it was a fun night and so you know this whole thing Raleigh you love you loved Raleigh you loved Raleigh so
01:00:30
you know I've been having a really good experience man you know and um it's kind of built my self-esteem up a little bit
01:00:37
are you about to say thank you to me yeah
01:00:42
go on I want to thank you man because I'm a big fan of yours no
01:00:48
without me we wouldn't be doing this because you didn't want to tour some of those cities and I said you should you'll love it I was gonna go even back
01:00:54
but further go back I'm a big fan of yours thanks man when
01:00:59
you asked me to this podcast and I was like winning a lottery
01:01:06
thank you man is that the face you make when you rub your [ __ ] on the faucet
01:01:13
stop you know what you could be sweet and be honest but you can't get vulnerable no because you're making a
01:01:18
face you do that same face you do Steve does the exact same face my brother yeah same one yeah because we don't feel anything I know you need to learn to
01:01:24
feel feelings important I feel nothing right now nothing well I feel hungry yeah
01:01:32
right yeah my stomach's grumbling yeah
01:01:37
what is it beef jerky beef jerky that's his nickname on campus yeah
01:01:43
here comes beef jerky this Camp is no offense to Quinnipiac whatsoever we
01:01:49
appreciate you having us this looks like a place it looks boring
01:01:55
it looks beautiful but it looks boring I don't know what you would do it out out here in the woods you study this is a
01:02:00
university oh [ __ ] you fancy shut up [ __ ] up man loser loser your study this
01:02:08
is he says that because he's you know by the way he's gigging a check from them you know he probably got paid for us to
01:02:13
come here and do this right you know they've got they've got their symbol up you know what you you're a [ __ ] liar
01:02:24
I don't like it okay I know how many times I [ __ ] tell you I don't like it
01:02:30
okay because the thing is we do stand up right so we have to do you know there's
01:02:36
a certain Rhythm yeah and a way to do a language that is for live I don't want to do that
01:02:43
for podcasting It's So Different yeah because it's like a lot of this will cut out you know I want to be able to just
01:02:49
kind of say things without waiting for a laugh that's why I don't like doing it with an audience
01:02:56
we thank fancy for putting this together very good thank you thank you and thank you for Quinnipiac and thank you for
01:03:02
being a bad friend [Music] well you know we're gonna give it a go
01:03:09
oh what I'm gonna say whatever I want to
01:03:15
say there it is dude I'm gonna talk about what are we talking about trans yeah
01:03:21
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel about it yeah
01:03:30
yeah you can't stop religion in words it's got sort of a Hogwarts Vibe too kind of like that that's pretty cool do
01:03:37
you guys go to school here yeah you like it how's your Quidditch team are you guys good yeah what's your records
01:03:44
what's Ravenclaw raise your hand if you're Ravenclaw let's go down and listen pictures in what house
01:04:05
he's got kicked out of all of them I know about that the ones
01:04:11
it's incredible right yeah go do it go fart on them if you need to
01:04:19
he'll take no my [ __ ] is so rancid today oh my God right now count by me please
01:04:27
how about you man what do you watch man you don't like
01:04:33
fantasies a lot of fantasies what fantasies like
01:04:38
what fantasy movies do you watch each other like yes space sci-fi you know I mean
01:04:48
it's like nothing nothing and you're full of [ __ ] too much but I can't remember anyway let's go duck hunter we
01:04:55
were doing like sci-fi or the degree well just anything what are we doing here
01:05:03
welcome to the another episode of bad friends I'm your Hostess I'm your host
01:05:09
Bobby Lee we have another guy here Andrew Santino we're like Wham why would you say interview like that
01:05:16
I'm sorry I'm your host you're not the host we're both yeah I'm one of your hosts can I start over start again hello
01:05:22
only here you know welcome to another episode of bad friends that's the name yeah um I'm
01:05:30
Bobby I'm one of the people on the show okay Andrew Santino he is also one
01:05:35
another person on the show we got this little one right here which is great and uh let's talk about uh the future of and
01:05:44
the state of our country what do we think what are we talking about how's it going I don't think trickle-down economics works you know what I mean I
01:05:51
think that um I think the rich hoard the money and it doesn't trickle down what do you guys
01:05:57
think and I always think that right you are the rich Mommy
01:06:04
so you know you are the one percent yeah particularly to these kids you know it's
01:06:09
funny whenever I eat eggs tell them to give everyone a hundred dollars I'll give everybody a hundred dollars but
01:06:14
whatever I eat eggs um hard-boiled eggs uh for days my farts
01:06:20
smell so rancid do you think maybe it's time to stop eating hard-boiled eggs but it's so good for my body yeah it doesn't
01:06:27
seem like it is I think I think logically it seems like eggs are good for you but I don't think they're good for you personally yeah or maybe things
01:06:34
are bad for some people but how have my farts been are they intense oh yeah yeah right windows in the car rolled
01:06:40
themselves down on the way here we didn't even touch them yeah and then um a beautiful drive-through
01:06:47
beautiful beautiful Connecticut's a great place it's so good it's very pretty raise your hand if you're from
01:06:52
Connecticut what part of Connecticut are you from Stanford beautiful we went for yeah
01:06:58
Stanford's not too far away why didn't you go to that college no no that's different from a Ford Sam
01:07:04
Ford yes Cam Ford universe is in Northern California Stanford oh I don't
01:07:11
know this is stamp is there a college there okay no
01:07:17
Yukon oh Yukon University of Connecticut it's a good one right we'll be right back
01:07:24
I don't know anything about it about Connecticut football team does Quinnipiac have one yeah I don't know do
01:07:30
you guys have football no no what teams do you know he just won the hockey championship you
01:07:39
don't get to throw that out there like that you they might because I I don't even hear them even no it doesn't matter
01:07:44
it doesn't matter it doesn't matter this is going to go in the trash it's never going to work what what
01:07:51
hockey championship what class are you guys this is a Divi you won the division one
01:07:56
National Championship NCAA National Championship you beat out Minnesota you beat out Michigan
01:08:03
you beat out all those guys you did the place yeah all right the
01:08:10
place who did you guys beat in the national championship UB Minnesota you beat Michigan you beat
01:08:16
all these guys for the national championship this is a D1 school
01:08:22
it's nuts right I can't believe it I actually don't believe it I don't want to believe it either I don't but I do
01:08:28
like it wait wait stop whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
01:08:34
whoa whoa very popular I don't know if you ever heard of the White House did you go have
01:08:40
you been to the White House why have you gone to the White House lady
01:08:46
oh you didn't go in it you got near it well you didn't go to the White House you went near the White House
01:08:53
like what like amazing no that's why she said she was
01:08:58
Slytherin you could tell she's she's up to no good so you want to work in the bowels of
01:09:04
Hell of the United States yes you believe in our government I I'm
01:09:18
you are yes yeah but that's what Trump said I know so there's not a lot of
01:09:23
Truth in it do you ever see the show Westway one of the best shows ever okay the
01:09:28
first four seasons are Master communities what would your end game be in politics like like the the dream dream job would be
01:09:35
like White House Press Secretary like the new gents hockey whoa you want to be a press secretary you'd want to handle
01:09:40
probing questions or do you have a clean background a clean record where are you from Massachusetts what part of
01:09:47
Massachusetts yeah outside of Worcester what does Mom and Dad do
01:09:54
um what does she do it
01:10:01
it's a good question because if your dad ever was cooking you know they'll find that if you go to be a press secretary
01:10:07
yeah I don't know if you know her or dad was a [ __ ] they'll light you up that guy
01:10:12
will let you out you could be an ankle model I don't know like socks and stuff what
01:10:17
yeah I don't know so you're one of the White House Press Secretary good luck good luck I hope you get
01:10:24
everything that you've ever wanted [Music]
