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two are bad friends who are these two idiots
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[Music] or something we're bad friends guess
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what what we invited a little roach here today to be at the studio show yourself
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a little piece of scumbag from the tiger belly bird look at this mullet hauling scumbag oh yeah yeah the roach the roach
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is back there he is with his new baby isn't it funny to see these two guys together these two guys are dads Stop
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Standing on them yeah basically in this in the Star Wars universe who are they r2d2c3
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right aren't they yeah yeah just buffoons buffoons just foolishness I
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mean the little ones 100 that was dead on you are R2D2 for sure
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yeah every time even as a kid I was like
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George do your best C-3PO impression well I believe you've talked too much Andres that sounds like you and that is
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it yeah but it's fine it's fine well can you do appreciate do a British one I
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thought that was a British accent yeah oh my God now the roach is back the roach is back and also one of the
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sharpest dressed cats in town that I've ever seen yeah what was that was that your cat
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that's your cat yeah okay come on that's how a cat sounds to you
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yeah that sounds better wait wait what kind of cat is it is it a house cat or I feel like you're doing like a that's a
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barn cat a barn cat something feral Have You Ever Raised a cat
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have you ever seen it from Earth have you seen a hot cat yeah I've had cats in my house oh you have yeah okay I'm more
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of dog person but my sister had a cat growing up isn't everybody more of a dog person no there's some people are cat
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people no I know but you know those people he's not more of a cat person he built a cat sanctuary for like 50 Grand
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shut the [ __ ] up man you did I did but shut the [ __ ] it wasn't 50 Grand they're probably on their scratching posters
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well how much was it they don't go out there is it done finally it's done and there's
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like a little opening and I sometimes yesterday I opened up the two flaps and they just kind of looked through it and
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they won't go through it and then I go it's 20 grand 20 grand can I live in it
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it's outside but sure yeah but it's a free spot it's a free spot actually you do have to pay your resolution yes we
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got to get her into her own place so can it be in your little cat sanctuary yeah okay but you have to dress up like a cat
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really every day no well I mean just have catnip on your body so the cats go out there I don't want them in my house
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oh okay they won't go out there yeah but it's a bummer they just they don't go
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out I know but you know what what that's what that's how it goes what do you mean that's the way the ball rolls baby you
00:02:58
do something and something and something doesn't happen so you just have to let the let the world just let it happen on its own like with kids and stuff right
00:03:04
you guys have you have a baby on the way yeah you have two now George yep and in your head you have dreams for them
00:03:10
correct oh Big Dreams right it's never gonna work out whatever they're gonna go the opposite direction and I I can
00:03:15
almost my son is on the CEO track that's my plan for him no his son what do you
00:03:21
think artist no what is this song gonna turn into yeah I think his son is going to turn into janitor
00:03:26
maybe I think I think I think but CEO of a janitor company he's on the
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entrepreneur he might be the janitor of a CEO's office like he might clean he's the janitor at Netflix corporate but he
00:03:38
tells girls that he works for Netflix and kind of he does yeah yeah he's that douchebag right right that's it that's
00:03:44
good that's your son's gonna be a janitor a janitor at Netflix your daughter is gonna what only fair
00:03:55
yeah but but she's gonna have free subscriptions and she won't even charge
00:04:01
I would kill myself would you really kill yourself if it was free subscriptions right if she was doing
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great at it okay wait wait if you she was doing badly at
00:04:12
something like if she's doing poorly at selling herself then you'd be bummed but let's say she's one of the top one percenters on only fancier daughter what
00:04:19
are we talking I'd be a little bit I'd like be a little embarrassed at first but three months in I'd start bragging to everybody
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what is this feeling if your daughter is on only fans she's like Dad I'm just
00:04:30
doing bikini shots and stuff and then you subscribe and she's actually doing insertion
00:04:38
that feeling is like well why are you subscribing because you would investigate you're like I think my daughter's lying to me but she can see
00:04:44
who subscribes no you you create a different like name so you've done this no [Laughter]
00:04:50
yeah but you've subscribed to only fans under fake names no I it's under Bobby Lee everybody knows yeah but why do you
00:04:56
do it under your name and not under another person's name I don't want you to ask that question I know why tell me
00:05:01
you like to get recognized yeah let me tell you something that's a half
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truth that is such a full truth that's wonderful truth yes that's a full hard-on that is an Absolution you get a
00:05:13
boner when people know that you're present it's not that yeah right in my Twisted head since I'm single I think oh
00:05:19
maybe I have a chance with the girl on only fan yeah but you know they're not even doing those they're not running those accounts I know I realize it it's
00:05:26
like teenage boy do you not know this no they don't run the accounts they hire out these third-party companies to do
00:05:31
all the work so they take the photos and then they send the photos and videos to like a company and then they're the
00:05:37
people that I know a girl who chats for other girls and she gets paid a [ __ ] load of money to chat because every time
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they chat it's like 20 bucks a girl you know yeah so it's me big [ __ ] deal all right but sometimes they'll have
00:05:50
like these broad uh those you'll get a message right and they do these broad messes like what are you doing tonight
00:05:56
baby and the first time that happened I responded as if it was specifically to me
00:06:02
I have two shows all right and then like nothing back and
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then I realized oh no it's just like this gigantic broad thing you know what if that was specific you know you got to
00:06:14
keep responding just in case one day it's gonna be them you think that I'm gonna go I'm gonna have two
00:06:19
shows and they're gonna be like oh cool I'd love to go yeah you never know maybe maybe how many was a teenage boy it
00:06:25
would they would definitely be like talking to him for Bobby that's right okay can I get tickets to the show like you got it how many how many um
00:06:32
how many girls are you subscribed to or have you subscribe Maybe there are a lot of people I know though
00:06:39
tens a lot I know what week is it is it well I'm zero so I think 10 is a lot to
00:06:45
me but I I unsubscribed when they're Liars what do you mean how do they lie they lie when they say like uh you're
00:06:52
gonna get more of this and this and you know they don't get it they'll go hey do you want to see my breasts yeah and then
00:06:57
you and fifty dollars fifty dollars for their tips I know and then you press it and it's like them still in a bikini and
00:07:03
you're like I could have saw that in your Instagram you're a liar you're a liar and I always call corporate office
00:07:09
there's a liar hello only fans corporate hi I'm Bobby Lee here oh God hey one of
00:07:16
our one of our top Subs is here thank you also because this is I mean this is not my complaint but it's like can I get verified
00:07:22
I need the blue check mark hey can you tell us some of the recent credits that you've got in television or film oh yeah
00:07:28
I'm on the bad Friends Podcast it's pretty good thank you but that's not gonna get you all the way there anything else I open for Tom Segura
00:07:36
yeah one more maybe one more yeah uh I did a Michael Bay commercial
00:07:42
how long ago 25 okay all right sir well then tell us what's
00:07:48
the problem what's going on with only fans that you're upset about oh yeah so um I spent 50 on this girl
00:07:54
and she's like do you want to see my bras and I'm like oh and I well she doesn't respond to me because she always says like what are you doing tonight and
00:08:00
then I always say like I have two shows and she doesn't respond but anyway my point is is that I um I spent food and it was just impressed and it was the
00:08:06
same photo as an Instagram so I paid 50 for no reason that's false advertising sure is yeah
00:08:12
thanks for calling bye Dave that's it how could you win there's no way could you imagine trying to file a lawsuit
00:08:18
saying that you're you know the false advertising I didn't see the nipple because tits are tits that's true that is because the breast
00:08:24
is still a breast you got to be a specific you gotta say can I see your nipples oh I see so do you want to see
00:08:29
my nipples and then you wanna see my nipples on my tits yeah right because I mean what if she has no
00:08:36
problem but there's no nipples it was just the breast part kind of like there was some sort of accident that happened
00:08:42
and she had a nipples oh that's cool that's kind of cool yeah because it's like you know sometimes you take the
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eyebrows off of photos or from do people and they look different maybe then when the nipples are gone it completely looks
00:08:53
like a different thing yeah yeah they might look different yeah
00:09:00
I don't know I kind of I went with the vagina like if the vagina had like no lips or like a dick no what do you mean
00:09:07
like a dick coming out of it it was a lipless vagina yeah yeah would that change the it would change the look
00:09:14
of it I'm thinking about it right now I know what you guys are describing what what a Barbie doll
00:09:20
I have openings I've tried that's what I'm saying to look to look well I mean I've no I mean no well I've been there
00:09:27
see the Barbie before and I look and I go there's this it's just like a flex surface crack her legs open she's not a
00:09:33
chicken you just crack it out of anger but you're right Barbie dolls do it
00:09:40
Barbies have smooth tits no nipples yeah and they have a slope yeah juice did you have Barbies
00:09:45
I actually used to bury my Barbie dolls well sounds like a story time go ahead
00:09:51
I don't know why I would cut their hair and then they'd look weird and I'd go but you know I grew up in the desert so
00:09:57
it was like the suburbs but the backyard was all dirt and I just go back there
00:10:03
and prepare them out of my dog look out dig them out and chew them up in my
00:10:08
mouth do you know why she's like your dog did that make it dirty chewed up do you know what you're my god dude this is
00:10:15
like Dahmer [ __ ] yeah I got it out of my system that's right because your dog knew they were still alive that's right
00:10:21
and then she their dog could hear oh yeah my dog's my best friend so she was
00:10:27
like I better finish them how many Barbies did you bury in the backyard I would say like three to five
00:10:34
I didn't have like an unlimited amount but wait a minute so you got bought these and was your mom never like what
00:10:40
happened to your dolls I think we just laughed about it maybe she was scared to ask me I don't know your mom you should
00:10:46
ask her more I used to do that too I used to buy I used to bury little toys oh she definitely thought it was weird do parents have inventory of what they
00:10:53
bought the kid like I don't know if as a parent I'd be like what happened to the PlayStation that I bought my son three
00:10:59
years ago well PlayStation's a pretty obvious one that one's a big one or the ball well balls kids love balls right
00:11:05
like Barbie dolls if she only had five of them and they were all gone at one point your mom would be like didn't you
00:11:11
start Barbies oh that's right what happened in the [ __ ] Barbies yeah do you have limits on what you're allowed to buy your kids like do you have a
00:11:16
discussion with your wife over like can't get too many gifts and all that stuff also get off the Apple box I want you at ground level uh I try to but she
00:11:23
keeps up buying stuff I got into a Montessori oh congratulations and then I
00:11:28
did a half a day of research and I've told her we need to have a Montessori household and then she keeps buying other things it's a school it's like a
00:11:36
Catholic School almost no no it's a it's a where smart kids go like the heads he's on the see how do you know your kid
00:11:42
is the smart kid well no it's uh it you make things small for kids so like they have little tables it's all things like
00:11:48
just very kid-centric but treating them as adults isn't Montessori like a uh it's a school
00:11:54
but it's religious based um no but this is more just like a training them
00:12:00
here let me just stop talking and uh look it up training them how are you training your child uh so it's a lot of
00:12:06
wood natural stuff sorry toys it sounds like a call it
00:12:12
sounds like a baby cult well for smart babies yeah right how do you know your baby's smart we don't know
00:12:18
that yet he knows twice as many words as normal kids at his age he's a genius who would say that who told you that well
00:12:23
every time we go to see the doctor it's like how many words does he uh has he been saying like 40. oh well usually
00:12:29
kids are speaking 20 words this time yeah you're lying your way into a Montessori
00:12:36
right you lied and he's okay with it well you can unfollow him he just lied to you yeah you're a liar dude just like
00:12:41
those girls unfollow but he wants I guess he wants to believe that well here's the deal yeah part of the part of
00:12:48
the the growth of a child that we've seen is that the support from the parents
00:12:54
makes them believe that they can do something so he's tricking his kid into thinking he has the ability to do it I'm
00:13:00
raising him as a genius honestly it might work to a degree until I used to take a test but yeah but the
00:13:05
ones they realize that they're not right they go into you know I mean Great Depression to Comedy
00:13:11
yeah what what did you just say would you
00:13:17
just say filmmaker yeah did you say filmmaker you think
00:13:24
you're so great
00:13:32
there's no way that's interesting though no comedians I'll tell you you want the bases for
00:13:38
comedians yeah selfish insecure
00:13:43
uh attention needing um people Pleasers
00:13:49
who um see the world in a weird way can't
00:13:55
explain it when they're young then they get old enough to realize I can make money off how strange my brain is
00:14:02
that's probably my greatest assessment of what I think most comedians are I disagree go ahead I think it's
00:14:09
um being um there's some trauma I don't think everybody has I know but I'm just saying
00:14:14
so the comedians that I like all trauma not some some drama but also being you
00:14:19
like her she's no trauma left alone I know but that's why she's great on the show no but I mean in general she's a
00:14:26
great comic who's not Cubs I know I'm not saying that all comedians that are good come from that background it's the
00:14:31
comedians that I like to you like the most gravitate toward I mean there's something going on so you're some
00:14:37
abandonment you know yeah and they just need or daddy issues daddy issues or something yeah you're like you know
00:14:44
normal you are probably the most normal comic I know yeah where you grew up in a
00:14:49
very healthy I grew up with a lot of adult figures in my life but I but I
00:14:54
ever it was always full of love yeah there was like my parents were divorced so we moved like probably between the
00:15:00
two of them like 20 times and I moved like four schools so I've had a lot of change and not like a normal upbringing
00:15:07
whatever that is but but I've always felt like loved as a kid would they like if you had
00:15:14
feelings would they listen to your feelings I I think yes or no my biggest thing was
00:15:20
just like because my parents Heard a Voice I'd never be with all my family but if you went up to your mom and you went Mom I'm feeling sad today yeah what
00:15:29
would you say you're 24. stop talking like that yeah if you were sad today if
00:15:35
I was sad my mom would be like a don't smile don't don't smile and then she'd start
00:15:42
cycling me oh reverse psychology yeah my dad this is my dad this is my Dad yeah Daddy what
00:15:48
I feel share today oh yeah yeah you're gonna feel worse something like that yeah or he would
00:15:55
just go no no and then walk away right and go oh my feelings don't count right
00:16:01
we never we just are we grew up in a we don't really talk Irish
00:16:07
people just don't talk about their feelings it's the weirdest it's so weird it's weird we don't say it nobody says
00:16:12
anything that's why the Asians and the Irish get along get along because of the railroad the railroads we didn't talk we
00:16:17
were gonna talk yeah but maybe there's some connection there there's got to be some really like deep deep connection
00:16:23
well because we're suppressed culture as far as we're not supposed to talk about our feelings you're supposed to be quiet well you were an oppressed people yeah
00:16:29
and you don't and from England right you know what you guys do what we you'll never see an Irish person or a Korean
00:16:37
cry in public never seen that never never I don't even know if Irish people can cry yeah
00:16:44
because if they do they do it inside their house in a bathroom and they cover their mouth yeah
00:16:50
because we're so it's just a cultural thing where it's like don't show people that you're weak I think it's a it's
00:16:58
like a working class attitude it's like you can't show them that you're hurt or you're down I remember my dad my grandmother died I I saw my dad and I go
00:17:06
um hey Dad and he goes and then he just walked away
00:17:11
like there's no tears or anything I was like oh grandma died so abrupt it's so abrupt but but it's
00:17:19
also like they're It's just sometimes culturally people aren't emotionally the
00:17:24
phrase I always I've said this on the show the phrase that always bothered me if I if I said to my parents like oh
00:17:29
this and this and this and I'm bummed about this and this and this and my parents both of them would be like
00:17:35
yeah that'll be all right dude it's so it's so weird it'll be all
00:17:41
right it's like okay well that doesn't help me at all right like but as a kid though because I remember I recall still
00:17:48
a self-awareness as a kid thinking it this is weird yeah oh no I knew I mean
00:17:55
that thought process of like I I you because you watch TV not that not that I I knew that like Leave it to Beaver was
00:18:01
like a completely safe yeah yeah but I had such the opposite extreme I
00:18:08
knew that there was a middle ground there and I didn't have it where was it yeah it was there it's just like that you had the desert it's so funny yeah no
00:18:14
I I that that I think we could all use that a little bit more more Middle Ground yeah that's why you're such a
00:18:20
pleasant person I think so I think a lot of the trauma is by people around me uh
00:18:26
so I like oh well look who just showed up wait a minute Bob yeah a half an hour late
00:18:33
it's unbelievable 3 30. it's four o'clock she's gonna blame it on me she's
00:18:39
gonna blame it on me but it was all her fault I did I said four what did you
00:18:44
yeah oh no so whose fault is it it's so your fault yeah yeah he was like she's
00:18:52
gonna blame it on me she's gonna play dude you're C3PO that's a sweet C3PO
00:18:57
move dude yeah yeah you're not R2D2 hello fresh with hello fresh you get
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00:20:31
Andrew when I was a kid I'd have posters on my wall me too and over the years they deteriorate yeah they go away yeah
00:20:37
they get screwed you know I mean they get real yellow from yellow it's weird now there's this plate look at the stuff
00:20:42
right look at this yeah and listen you can hear it yeah it's all it's metal this is metal bro right and what you do
00:20:47
is you put these modules on the wall yep and you just stick them to the Wall come to the wall and look at how cool that looks look at that show the people that
00:20:54
this is some of our uh wonderful artwork that's made by fans and friends and our family and uh this is so great man they
00:21:00
got branded and artistic artwork at display they have over 1 million designs available for everyone including official designs from Brands like Marvel
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DC Star Wars Netflix NASA and games and movies abound plus bad friend stuff
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which is incredible this plate also delivers its products worldwide in only four to five business days it's a
00:21:17
perfect alternative for standard paper posters that often get damaged and it doesn't leave marks on the wall well
00:21:22
they're eco-friendly that's why you and I like them the most because for every design sold they're planting a tree don't you love to breathe I love it use
00:21:28
the link in the description or go to display.com bad friends that is d-i-s-p-l-a-t-e.com slash bad friends
00:21:34
use that code bad friends at checkout to get 22 off for one to two disc plates or
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33 off for three or more displates display collect your passions rude I I
00:21:46
just woke up I can tell what's going on put on your phone put on them cans four o'clock so you did come
00:21:53
on the right time but fancy B [ __ ] it up once again yeah well and and you know
00:21:58
this is the this is the thing with this show sometimes it's cute that it's that it's
00:22:03
chaos and crazy other times the guy puts on a [ __ ] jacket and a collared shirt but he can't tell when the people are
00:22:09
supposed to be here yeah how do we trust there's no trust how do we trust congratulations Argentina by the way all
00:22:16
right congratulations amazing God bless Messi God bless God bless him he deserves it greatest of all time
00:22:21
yeah I think so greatest of all time I think so I mean it's the argument is Ronaldo or him Cristiano Ronaldo yeah
00:22:28
they both I mean Ronaldo has a better record but Messi but Messi is creator
00:22:38
I think we just still talk about the family and all that oh yeah
00:22:43
do you want family stuff this is how much he doesn't talk about his feelings he's like let's go to sports yeah yeah I
00:22:48
mean he went from like real real talk to sports well because Sports is family to
00:22:55
me I know but there's a problem there I know yeah all right you want to talk about let's talk about family then go
00:23:01
ahead maybe the moment sloths I don't know well why do you try to go back well I
00:23:07
think she [ __ ] it up who Rudy yeah walking in late but it sounds right that's what she does all right that's right you know here's my thing yeah well
00:23:13
let's do it real fast before we show this okay Rudy how do you feel about the way you were raised were you happy
00:23:20
um I don't know well your dad abandoned you yeah yeah but I get it what do you mean
00:23:27
no I understand that when you look at her and you're like it's hard to stand I can't and like my dad he left he left
00:23:33
and did drugs and went to prison because it was like what do I choose cocaine or raise this
00:23:39
little redhead cocaine nah cocaine cocaine yeah
00:23:46
I don't know that a little freckly faced ugly redheaded boy one look at that and
00:23:51
you'd go right I'm gonna go do cocaine I would do heroin
00:24:00
well that's cocaine gets you there yeah cocaine is basically like does your dad he's still alive what right yeah he's
00:24:06
alive yeah just even going here no no I pushed the mic with my chair
00:24:13
do it all the time was it your dad's dick yeah yeah he's alive yeah does he you talk to
00:24:19
him so yeah sometimes is he proud of you yes is there guilt
00:24:25
what do you mean is he is do I does he feel guilt for not raising you you know I'm not him but I assume for
00:24:32
sure yes I think there's something there I think for sure he's sad that we're two different
00:24:37
you know we're we're I'm a grown man he's a grown older man and he sees me
00:24:44
now as an independent vehicle so it's we're two people just in space let me
00:24:49
ask you this if your dad called you your biological dad that's what we're talking about yeah I know yeah and he's like
00:24:55
what does he call you Andrew and and oh that makes me sad he goes and
00:25:03
and yeah and I'm going through a little difficulty and
00:25:09
[Laughter] yeah all your accents are the same well
00:25:15
it's one thing well give me do your do your no do it do
00:25:20
a Chicago thing and then I'll so I can get my mind wrapped right and it's dead and it's dead
00:25:28
but the A's the no thing you have to know we understand in Chicago A's are a like so dead dead dead and dead oh hey
00:25:36
pop hey what's going on how you doing [Laughter]
00:25:50
yeah I'm going through a little bind you're in a binder you're going through
00:25:56
a bind both shine I'm going through a fine forget
00:26:02
about it okay bye no no don't forget about it no
00:26:08
don't forget about Ian okay you know what you know and you know are you using again you don't sound sober yeah I'm
00:26:17
just doing some cocaine oh yeah yeah yeah yeah back to square one yeah all right anyway and how you doing I'm good
00:26:24
anyway hey um and I'm going through a vine in a bind you're in a bind right and uh
00:26:31
I need to borrow some cash how much can you loan your pops 15 grand
00:26:38
how are you being real good phones hung up really no 15 grand no if he said he
00:26:44
needs 15 grand yeah what for I just can't pay rent oh [ __ ] I can't
00:26:49
eat oh [ __ ] yeah sorry about the abandonment that's okay
00:26:55
is that where you slide that in I think you slide it in there no in the beginning I just go
00:27:01
that's a bummer man are you being real um I'd say well we'll try to figure it out
00:27:07
would you compromise yeah like it's I'm haggling how about foreground I'll give you three you know
00:27:14
what I have a feeling all right I'll give you one I have a feeling that you would yeah I probably would yeah I mean I don't think I'd be in that circumstance but I probably would
00:27:21
because he's so um his he just can't get humble enough to ask you well he wouldn't eat it he doesn't
00:27:27
need my money he's fine he's fine in a bind like or going through a bind whatever your dad said in the [ __ ]
00:27:32
sketch well what did he says what happened tell me what happened all
00:27:39
right and yeah how you doing well you died we already did that tell me what
00:27:45
happened also you know what you know and you know I got a house I
00:27:50
know right and I had to I I'll be honest and vulnerable in front of you right I had to give I had to um take a loan out
00:27:58
of my house oh right yeah people do that all the time because you you know your Uncle Sammy
00:28:03
Uncle Sam you know Old Uncle Sammy oh yeah yeah
00:28:08
yeah yeah I remember him he's going through behind everybody's in a bind just hey everyone
00:28:15
in the Santino family bound bound [Music]
00:28:21
so you know he was going through something and you know he had a little cocaine thing too and it transferred over to you he transferred over to me
00:28:28
right and then I lost the house oh [ __ ] right and um right now I'm at the Holiday Inn oh that's nice yeah but I
00:28:35
have one more day left of finances and I'm I'm done they're gonna keep me out on the street damn yeah well
00:28:43
hold on I have another call are you being real Bob yeah my biological dad is asking for
00:28:51
money what is he going through a bind
00:28:57
laughs would you do it you know I don't know yeah a a genuine answer yeah genuinely I
00:29:03
don't know I actually are you being [ __ ]
00:29:09
God you gotta help them how did he get better I have money how did he bind how did he bind I just
00:29:16
told you Uncle Sammy
00:29:22
yeah I don't know really my genuine answer is I don't know maybe you could recreate some moments you lost of your
00:29:28
childhood before you gave him the money that's true there you go he could push you on a switch he could go back to the time
00:29:34
or I'll sit back on a stoop and he'll actually show up this time okay and you
00:29:40
give them a thousand dollars each money you recreate moments for my childhood that you [ __ ] up on
00:29:45
and I'll give you a grand every time yeah what's up I got the cancer oh [ __ ]
00:29:51
I don't have health insurance yeah I know I'm gonna die if I don't get the chemotherapy yeah yeah I need 15 grand
00:29:58
yeah I don't know man so there's no love there no no that's
00:30:05
not true I'm just chill I'm joking okay sake of the show uh but I but everything would
00:30:11
be circumstantial depend it'd be what is the circumstances that we're in that you know I did not know that about you well this is what you what you're not
00:30:18
explaining is okay you want me to be uh philosophical and deep about it that's why I'm asking
00:30:24
because I've said this before because you don't understand the depths of the it'd be take too long for me to talk about it yeah but I've said this
00:30:31
before anybody can be a father but it takes a lot to be a dad and
00:30:38
that's just a fact of life and as you get older you learn yeah episode it was at the coffee shop
00:30:44
but it's but uh I was gonna say this quote I wrote this once when I was doing a bit about my old man that I said
00:30:52
um a a father has to finish once
00:30:58
and a dad is never done um and I mean that yeah to be a father you
00:31:05
have to [ __ ] nut in somebody one time and it may work yeah to be a dad means your job is to be a dad for the until
00:31:12
you're dead so if we're being deep and honest and it's he was a biological father to me right
00:31:19
but but my dad who raised me the guy who raised me you wouldn't exist without your father dad your father yeah or
00:31:26
might give you existence yeah but that's 15 grand that no that's the easiest thing in the world right it comes in 15
00:31:32
grand people come in people all the time how much is a sperm donor probably like ten five ten Grand yeah that's a
00:31:38
compromise ago dude I'll pay you out that's interesting to me but the depths
00:31:43
of the relationship would take me too long to explain to you about why I feel the way I do that there is a disconnect
00:31:49
yeah but just principally what I would do just this is just me you don't have a dad and a stepdad you don't understand
00:31:54
what it's like I know but I'm in the same situation you're not but you're not you didn't have a guy that raised you I've had
00:32:00
cousins who I don't really have a relationship with what how do you think that's the same
00:32:06
thing I just because it's just like no I don't have a relationship with them but father father so you're saying there's
00:32:12
deep resentments there no not resentment it's just it's just there's a feeling that you get as a young man when your
00:32:19
father isn't isn't a part of your life right that you become your own man and maybe
00:32:25
this is a male biological thing you become your own entity and you kind of look at it as well you're a you're a man
00:32:32
I'm a man I I respect the idea that we were fam that we're family but I'm My Own man and
00:32:40
if you don't raise me you're just a man that had me like that
00:32:46
that's like like the insta what these guys are gonna instill in their kids are like I'm gonna be there for you forever
00:32:53
and once you lose that for a child when it's in a developmental stage it doesn't trust you anymore I mean it's
00:32:59
animalistic it's Instinct once a dad is gone and leaves the child they immediately have to think independently
00:33:05
like well that thing isn't with me anymore it creates a million different emotions and problems right but like my
00:33:11
dad who raised me that guy he's my dad now would he would
00:33:16
you loan him money I'd give him every dime in my bank account oh would you loan me money I
00:33:22
give you every dime in my bank account if you needed it if I needed 15 grand I just know where to go thank you I would
00:33:27
100 I wouldn't think twice yeah and of course I'd give my biological father money I'm just I'm joking but I like right but I'm saying like my the if
00:33:34
we're being genuine you wanted to get genuine yeah that's I I felt that way in the more recent years as a young man as
00:33:40
a man of like any bozo can be a father but it takes a lot to be a dad I think it's important
00:33:46
to be it takes a lot to be a dad yeah to like raise a kid like this guy's got a
00:33:51
sacrifice yeah he hasn't been around and I and I appreciate it it's good because he's [ __ ] like that I'm supportive of it
00:33:58
you haven't been around being doing your business but I know that you're a new dad I know you have a newborn a younger
00:34:03
one what's it called the one before what is the kid called what's it called I don't know what this sounds he doesn't
00:34:09
like me so I don't I'm not going to memorize them oh he knows your name though well he knows he's famous that's not
00:34:16
like yeah yeah like oh your son knows a famous guy yeah I'm verified yeah follows me on Instagram
00:34:21
my pet point is that whenever your kid's around he just has a distrust there
00:34:27
every every baby no no no no no that's not true I've seen it it's true okay
00:34:33
okay why why because because what because what with every family gathering
00:34:41
there's always a baby and then whenever you go to them yeah the emotion is just
00:34:47
crying and sadness that's because babies cry like 90 of their life that's not him
00:34:52
when a baby sees a king right the energy the king exudes right
00:35:00
the aura they can't help it they cannot help it they're overwhelming overwhelmed
00:35:05
with like this this spiritual emotion they just can't they don't have the brains or the emotional capacity to even
00:35:11
you know comprehend when someone goes to the Wailing Wall uh when somebody goes I've been there I cry you cry yeah yeah
00:35:18
that's what babies do when they put a note in the [ __ ] crack what did it say what what did it say
00:35:23
um Kanye
00:35:31
yay for life no but I went to that wall I got emotional it's just maybe the babies are experiencing that he is a
00:35:37
wall for babies I is the Wailing man I think it's just the face okay now you're being rude no no explain
00:35:45
explain it's the face when they see it he has a cute face okay it's scary okay
00:35:51
all right I love it I love this I love this path the path was great and let's
00:35:57
go down this path for a second come on so let me ask you something all right let's suppose you didn't know who I was
00:36:02
yeah right and I robbed you yeah right in daylight now the police you're with
00:36:09
the police right and they have what did he look like explain me
00:36:14
explain it go on okay you be the cop all right see hey see tell me what happened
00:36:21
kiddo who what did he look like um he was really small small what are we talking three foot four foot
00:36:29
like smaller than me like five two five two all right
00:36:49
I think Korean because why why his eyes are like small but round
00:36:56
yeah it's a Mogwai Mary maguillian yeah God I
00:37:04
know what else I noticed that on his thumb it had like a green thing
00:37:11
on his thumb a green thing yeah what is that what is that what was it I don't know maybe maybe like a fun
00:37:18
oh she's riddled with fungus yeah fungus riddled Asian okay yeah his eyes also
00:37:24
had like eye boogers on it all right boogers and well you should be using yellow the
00:37:31
whole time oh that's right he's Korean that is I'll use the brown one for the eye Burger okay so and he had a beanie beanie
00:37:50
oh a baby not Bean beanie let me let me repeat this back to you yeah
00:37:56
booger fungus riddled Asian wearing a Hispanic man on his head is that what I'm getting yeah all right this is a
00:38:03
sombrero why do you do you think that a baby doesn't like his cute face he's got a
00:38:09
great face no because when I first saw him I also got scared so I just be like insane it's [ __ ] insane uh are you
00:38:17
being on honest and Truth yeah she is you can see it why though is it the way I was moving yeah because you were like
00:38:24
like grunting like moving around yeah I'm always panting yeah well you're out
00:38:29
of breath yeah also I have things on my mind you're busy I'm a busy guy in my mind what's the first thing on your mind right now go tacos see
00:38:36
it's tough he's got other things so much and I already ate today ready hard shell
00:38:41
soft shell soft soft uh uh uh sour cream yes cheese yes Tomatoes
00:38:47
yes lettuce yes chicken or meat meat
00:38:57
he's got a lot on his mind I've got a pizza pepperoni and pepperoni with peppers and pineapples pineapple no uh
00:39:03
ham no gluten-free um crust no
00:39:11
by the way juice uh juice dressed up and you didn't
00:39:16
are you coming with us you know about the dinner yeah I know about the dinner and you're wearing this to dinner are we
00:39:22
going after yeah no I thought it wasn't gonna do it on mines
00:39:28
we're having a holiday it's not a VR dinner do you think we're gonna go and met up
00:39:34
the metaverse no no this is fine yeah it is you look fine but honestly it this is
00:39:39
the deal with this generation there are no rules there are no rules right it doesn't matter anymore nobody
00:39:46
cares she could wear this and hypothetically in a couple years she could be the [ __ ] CEO of a massive
00:39:51
company oh yeah nobody would give a [ __ ] oh you can just say this the way you look and the way you're dressed we can say things out loud like foreign
00:39:58
exchange students right these are made whatever you know well they do have we do you can get a discount if they're
00:40:04
foreign so we will have you have to play up the accent yeah yeah if someone and look I'm a waiter I come over to the table you have to do a break do broken
00:40:11
English like you're just learning it a hi little foreign girl are you with
00:40:16
the big party the other party uh yeah wait wait wait yes
00:40:24
something going on though yeah yeah she's doing this yeah I I don't know let's don't scream I
00:40:30
don't yeah [Laughter] wait you're supposed to be you're I thought so they said that we're look
00:40:37
we're gonna apply a discount to the to the meal if they you know can I just show my Visa you spoke perfect English I
00:40:43
thought you were not from here um listen let's start over Okay I don't
00:40:49
think you get what this [ __ ] scene is all right all right so the scene is this all right why don't we play both of you
00:40:55
you're both foreign exchange students that's right you can talk first broken English you cannot have a [ __ ] accent
00:41:00
I mean you the way you talk yeah you have to have you can be from anywhere
00:41:05
you have to have to be from Croatia you can be from I can't help you guys yes
00:41:11
sound like him also create different names right so me and we're walking in
00:41:16
you guys are walking here we go right uh hey girls uh I'm I'm a bow field and
00:41:22
this is the manager yeah hi say your name Damien this is the manager Damien yeah and uh we were told
00:41:28
that you guys were looking for the foreign foreign exchange discount which we're proud to get totally fine and I I I I have to be admit I'm Damien by the
00:41:35
way could I that's it humble field that's what field and I created this program because Damian of course is from
00:41:41
Mongolia Mongolia so we're willing to give discounts for
00:41:46
people I'm Mongolian he's Mongolian yeah yeah where are you guys from Miss yes so let's start with the white one oh may I
00:41:53
say why okay can I say yeah we always start with the whites let's give somebody else a chance that is true uh
00:41:58
so yeah hi what's your name uh I'm from the Philippines oh
00:42:07
did she say Philippines yeah I don't know oh wow what's your what's your name what's your name
00:42:17
how wonderful how long you've been here how long you been here in the states three years I think it's three three years I'm just
00:42:25
gonna say three on the thing it sounds like three yeah and three yeah we know what three is man thank you
00:42:30
numbers are the same all over the world who's your friend who are you yeah
00:42:36
yes oh oh by the way by the way yeah very
00:42:42
accurate Foreigner there we go they will always just say yes they always say yes when you're like hey are you how are you
00:42:47
doing you're like yes yes is a safe bet for a foreigner the only time fancy said yes to people yeah
00:42:53
when somebody's just like oh it's beautiful out yes yes and they take credit so where are you from are you
00:42:59
from yes from Russia oh you're from Russia what
00:43:05
part what part of Russia Russian yeah I speak Russian uh
00:43:11
I don't you don't speak Russian from there oh you're from there you know
00:43:16
speak English either oh no speak English you're very Russian dumb oh yeah she's
00:43:24
stupid she's stupid but do you know your name do you know enough to know your name yes I uh name uh looking for Bobby
00:43:33
oh she thinks her name is Bobby look no looking for Bobby and Andrew
00:43:39
huh two two bad friends
00:43:45
we're bad friends when you do this are we flossing
00:43:50
yeah yeah what is this oh I'm gonna we're gonna have to remove
00:43:56
these people from yeah yeah you don't get the discount can you leave Damian in the scene we don't we're not
00:44:01
who's Bobby and Andrew yeah oh the table Yeah but we don't know who
00:44:09
the [ __ ] that is they're already in the restaurant because they came here with us that's what they're saying oh my God now
00:44:15
I get it now I get it oh so it's the handsome Korean and the weird little white girl small and
00:44:24
wait excuse me the small guy and then the what and uh big and the pig yeah small and big what do they look like uh
00:44:32
orange orange orange yeah that's the big guy we did see a tall orange man yeah yeah orange yellow yellow oh yeah orange
00:44:39
and yellow yeah I get it that's good yeah they're nice yeah they're back there all right well together they look at the sun
00:44:47
yes yes yes a foreign discount before yeah yeah yeah they got what they wanted yeah at the
00:44:54
end of the day yeah so we're doing that tonight yeah yeah
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give the gift of pleasure this year with Rex MD hello tushy you guys Valentine's
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for 10 off I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you Jules this shirt do you love Rick and Morty because
00:48:06
I everybody loves it yeah you love it juice yes do you do you like it I've seen the cup the world loves it and so
00:48:13
what I did was yeah I [ __ ] downloaded a whole season on my iPad yeah and the
00:48:19
last flight I took I was like I gotta watch it everybody talks about it and I watched it not good it's I don't get it oh I don't
00:48:27
I don't I don't not get it I just I don't get the hype I was like this is fun people are obsessed you know like I
00:48:34
always thought it was good but I was like I don't I'm not what I'm like that with and you're gonna get
00:48:39
angry what because dudes like you from the comedy World get angry what I'm about to say so just calm your nerves
00:48:46
I'm prepared all right The Simpsons for me is the same
00:48:52
you just mean like the recent episodes no you're right you're out of your [ __ ] you're you're like you're
00:48:58
any of them it's so annoying I I literally watch them I don't I understand what the jokes are
00:49:05
I do I'm like you know cute is so it's so not funny to me oh
00:49:11
yeah okay respect well I love Rick and Morty you don't like that I know I don't not like it it just didn't hit me yeah
00:49:17
it didn't click for me yeah I was like oh like the way that South Park does and Family Guy does because the comedy's so
00:49:24
raw South Park makes me laugh it's hilarious but I'm more also a Ren and Stimpy guy oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I like
00:49:31
paranoia I like more emotion than just verbal jokes yeah I mean yes you like
00:49:38
the more visual chaos Rick and Morty is chaos right it is I did like it but it's the most embarrassing thing that I've
00:49:44
ever experienced is I get a call from Family Guy because I would do a lot of their Asian voices at one point really
00:49:50
sometimes like two or three times so one day I get a call going they wrote
00:49:55
a whole episode right with you and you're throughout the whole thing of the
00:50:01
episode but we need you to come in and do the table read in front of everyone and I bombed so hard no oh my it was so
00:50:09
embarrassing not a single laugh like every when I wasn't on it it would kill
00:50:15
and every time I would talk I think my accent was way too thick because they wanted an Asian accent yeah and they
00:50:21
felt uncomfortable and I remember just you know I just I remember just picking up my [ __ ] like that script in my
00:50:27
backpack and just walking out of the room no one said anything to me it was so and I never did another one a
00:50:34
Family Guy yeah it was so embarrassed so you ended up not doing a voice they got rid of that episode
00:50:39
[ __ ] it was so embarrassing oh my God I don't know I just said I've done a few episodes it was great
00:50:45
an American Dad I've done both I've done both nobody no all jokes aside for yourself
00:50:52
oh no I'll give you okay let me level with you yeah yeah have you ever bombed oh my God I'm about to tell you okay
00:50:58
Will Ferrell um [ __ ] uh
00:51:03
what was that what movie was it maybe it was that bank heist movie or something
00:51:09
funny or die I go to funny or die offices I'm a little hungover but whatever not
00:51:15
bad yeah I go I go to read multiple characters
00:51:21
like you know when they call you in you're like will you come just do a bunch for the table read and then hopefully hate when they do that
00:51:27
used to do it to me all the time Judd and I've called him out Judd [ __ ] I hate it [ __ ] judge I've done it with
00:51:32
him too yeah [ __ ] Judd and then um he did he used to do all the time but I go
00:51:38
into Funny or Die this movie's kind of funny but it's like a big heavy hitter there's a lot of names and I'm next to Will Ferrell
00:51:46
and I have to be like at one point this cop I haven't read the script I'm just a table read I'm not in the movie yet yeah
00:51:53
and I [ __ ] up once a little bit I Stumble and I think that was weird not a big deal yeah the
00:51:59
next line I misread it and everyone's laughing yeah because
00:52:05
they think I'm joking yeah not I I misread it it was supposed to be like concierge and I'm like consiglier
00:52:13
yeah and they're laughing thinking I'm being funny and now they all kind of and then a
00:52:20
second they can feel my nervousness because the next few lines I can't get I'm stumbling now I'm in my head I'm
00:52:25
like panicking and feral kind of keeps like you know I can see people looking and I'm bombing and at the end of it all
00:52:31
after I finally [ __ ] get through it I say to the casting director who I won't mention I was like
00:52:37
you know is there a chance of me still getting one of the roles and she's like they're cutting out all of those parts
00:52:45
because of me yeah because I ate [ __ ] so [ __ ] bad yeah yeah they were like we
00:52:51
have to cut these [ __ ] yeah this is embarrassing I got one yeah I was a table read I played this uh Chef right
00:52:58
and um I the line is there was like three times I'd use this one word do you
00:53:03
want [ __ ] take right right and every time I say [ __ ] tag
00:53:10
it was all the fox Executives they would laugh and I was like that was weird that's a straight roll right I should
00:53:17
take and then at the end they go it's shiitake and I go what also it should take by the
00:53:27
way you're not wrong right yeah then name it another mushroom then because it's [ __ ] takes all right yeah shiitake
00:53:33
fine also [ __ ] take it's spelled the same could I tell you not my [ __ ] phone can I do the worst thing that's ever happened though all right this one
00:53:39
but it's it was a prank on me right and it was like insane and I I
00:53:45
honestly think I don't think they would be able to do it now right so this is the final table read of Mad TV right the
00:53:52
last episode the last episode and so back then what they you had no they would deliver the scripts to your house
00:53:59
every Monday night oh yeah right so there's no emails right we would get somebody would come get knocked on the
00:54:05
door we would get the script and you would run in a sketch show you get 40
00:54:10
sketches they pick up like 15. yeah right so you have to go through 40
00:54:15
sketch to see where you're at what that's a nightmare it's a nightmare it's a [ __ ] it's a nightmare so
00:54:21
you're just going through and it's also like 11 at night and the table reads in the morning wow they didn't give you a lot of time
00:54:26
so I see this one sketch which is a reoccurring sketch that Krista Flanagan and I think Arden Marine did right and
00:54:34
I'm never in them they've done 30 of those I've never been in it but this time I'm like I'm in one
00:54:40
some some character named Raphael right and so it's basically these two people
00:54:46
talking right in between Raphael would show up and he would say stuff like
00:54:52
I'm gonna snap like that's what it would say and then later it would say yeah I mean you guys
00:54:58
all better run because I'm gonna shoot up the place right yeah and and at the end of the
00:55:05
sketch Raphael had a bunch of things to say he would say stuff like bird noises
00:55:10
and then like ow oh right and then flap your way it said on the flap your wings
00:55:16
clap your wig right I show up at the table read mind you I'm
00:55:22
the only one that has that script everyone has the script script without
00:55:28
Raphael oh my God right and only the writer one writer
00:55:35
knows about it no one else knows right so when I'm saying the lines I I go I'm
00:55:43
gonna snap I can see people like chairs go back I'm not kidding you I'm gonna
00:55:48
snap right I mean seriously I'm gonna shoot at the place I see three people
00:55:54
stand up and toward the end I'm like
00:56:01
the place is silent right and from the corner of my eye I see the girl the
00:56:07
writer on the ground with her right half the room is like standing up
00:56:14
and they were like right and at the end there was like a five second thing when the sketch is over where Katie finally
00:56:21
gets up that's her name Katie and she goes I'm sorry I eat that script his is the only script that's like that I mean
00:56:27
it was just a joke for me right and the rage now you're gonna snap I was gonna shoot
00:56:34
up I was laughing so hard that I couldn't do it yeah I was like
00:56:40
that's a good yeah I mean like I was doing that how insane is that who's Katie dude oh
00:56:48
you know her well I mean she wrote uh the Ghostbusters yeah um yeah it was a great writer yeah good
00:56:53
friend but that's my God man that was crazy this is such a genius it's a Genus prank but also like that's a sketch yeah
00:57:01
yeah yeah that's so [ __ ] funny it's not well it really isn't in retrospect
00:57:07
it's funny it's funny but it's highlighted that and also it made me feel like a fool because I'm like this I
00:57:14
should have when I was looking at it I should have said this seems weird like what is the context of this guy being in
00:57:20
there because it never said I was like a part of the show but you never talked to the writer you weren't like hey can I talk to you about the sketch no because
00:57:26
you're in so many you really don't and also the lines were simple so I'm like I guess I'll deliver it like this
00:57:33
oh it's terrible what a terrible [ __ ] day somebody got a a heart attack from watching the new
00:57:40
Avatar in theaters wait what yeah you well somebody always gets a heart attack in a movie
00:57:46
I don't know if somebody died from watching Avatar because why because it was uh too long it's so long huh too
00:57:52
blue you saw Avatar and you're excited huh so what it would give me that one through ten what is it
00:57:57
um um I'll use numbers are throwing her right now A through Z
00:58:03
[Laughter] maybe like a
00:58:09
I don't know seven eight a seven eight seven point eight or seven slash eight seven slash eight got it so you can't
00:58:15
decide seven what are the positives and negatives of the movie um like the plot is like just as simple
00:58:21
like them colonizing the planet like the first movie yeah like the first movie
00:58:26
that's the whole yeah yeah and then it's just then the CGI is really pretty
00:58:32
and then they go to the other tribes and you see like different colors of them
00:58:37
and then how like since they you should be a reviewer yeah
00:58:43
yeah yeah yeah I mean this could be an article yeah so go ahead different colors of them what else and since the
00:58:49
other tribes like adapted to the water they have like longer like skin and then their tails are like more like of a fish
00:58:55
like other than yeah it's just pretty
00:59:00
you're gonna you're going back to school huh yeah I'm not watching the movie now yeah why yeah well you didn't sell it
00:59:07
I'm not good at selling no I know I know what do you think you're the best at sleeping yeah
00:59:14
that's true very good at it what could what do you think you're the best at that you could actually like do for a
00:59:20
job you do sleep studies I guess you could just sleep yeah I guess but you'd be too
00:59:26
sleepy to do them yeah they're like miss you can't just sleep we need you to be alive as well yeah can be like I don't
00:59:32
know observe just me oh you want to be a professional Observer not me observing
00:59:38
them observing me while you sleep oh you want to be oh I see she wants to be a uh guinea pig a guinea pig yeah that's kind
00:59:45
of what this is what do you want to do
00:59:50
what do you want to be when you grow up I want to be keep doing the stand up and
00:59:57
just have that career keep growing the way it's going and acting more okay yeah what's your what's your ultimate dream
01:00:04
studio apartment you're gonna get that no I want to be in uh I want to be in movies with you guys
01:00:10
I want to be in you know I want to get better movies better yeah you know what
01:00:15
I mean what did you just say he better movies he said dude you're [ __ ] I know he's really [ __ ] good I'm not
01:00:21
gonna beat the [ __ ] out of you yeah um hate you dude let me ask you do you think you're gonna be bigger than Elijah
01:00:26
Schlesinger I could see myself being at her level wow good but Whitney
01:00:33
like I I feel like I'm entering that inner circle look at that Whitney told
01:00:38
me the nicest thing the other day I was working a lot also rest in peace Whitney's mom yeah sad her mom died
01:00:43
really sad man it was very sad sorry what did she say to you she came in a lot and she told me that she's been
01:00:50
watch seeing my social media blowing up which was cool to me that she was even noticing me and that I reminded her of
01:00:58
when right before she got her television show [ __ ] that's cool and it was very
01:01:04
motivating and well I hope you get a television show the jet ski shoe story what do you want
01:01:09
to be when you grow up Bob oh God I have so many dreams something to do with soil
01:01:14
yeah you mean like I want to put my hands in it
01:01:20
you can do that I don't think anything's supposed to be living now for a job crops so you want to be a farmer no no
01:01:27
am I botanist you want to be a botanist yeah he does have that green thumb you got
01:01:45
[Laughter] I've been waiting for that you're even
01:01:51
loading it up I just want to see life grow yeah I'm being real I know yeah I see
01:01:57
myself um living not in a cabin but in a house with there's a lot of land and me out
01:02:05
there with a hat what do you mean like one of those hats like a
01:02:10
you can say it like a no not a girl like a sad am I all right what like a rice
01:02:19
bread yeah yeah a rice padding hat okay yeah and
01:02:25
being out there and putting stuff in you know you're starting the grow process
01:02:30
planting planting seeds but digging I mean putting the soil back on fertilizer
01:02:35
some water and then and Good Vibes and goodbye living a simple what about you what are my dreams yeah
01:02:42
my my dream is to one day escape the chains of Hollywood God I
01:02:50
love it break away me too man move to a extremely exclusive
01:02:59
private nudist colony yeah on a body of water of course a
01:03:05
little Island on any a body of water yeah Island well I don't get it everything's on a
01:03:11
body of water no some places are landlocked
01:03:17
but if you look at I just I'm sorry I just if you look at North America on a on a map there's
01:03:23
still water around it sits on a body of water or but many places are landlocked what's the landlocked mean but Nebraska
01:03:28
is landlocked it's in the middle of the thing if you look at the whole continent
01:03:34
[Laughter] yeah yeah I look at it like that so you
01:03:39
think everything is surrounded surrounded by water yeah hmm I mean technically if you look at it
01:03:45
technically everything North America could just be a gigantic Island no
01:03:51
because it's connected to something else with the bearing straight you mean to Russia is that what you're saying up north we're connected all the way up
01:03:57
North yeah I know I'm saying that's North America Canada is a part of North America right there's a little bit of
01:04:02
water in between that little bit straight right so I mean essentially it's all kind of an island
01:04:07
oh but you know what you're right North America and South America are connected by Mexico and Honduras and all
01:04:14
that stuff in Central America right so you're right I get I get it now
01:04:20
so I want to be a part of a nudist colony yeah not Nevada
01:04:26
but like on an island water okay and I want to
01:04:32
and I want to be the the musician everybody has a job I want to be the local musician and I want to I can only see you do bongos
01:04:39
with my dick whatever yeah yeah I want to play steel drums
01:04:48
I want to play steel drums and I want to be a musician for a nudist colony for anybody but the news Colony has got to
01:04:54
be 60 and up nobody's under 60. how old are you at this point 60 and up
01:05:01
you could have been the one guy no this is my retirement plan because if because if it's your oh because 60 and if you
01:05:07
did it next year and you started it and you have that 60 and up rule you could still be there because you own the thing
01:05:13
I get it but I I want to be 60 and up so I want to be at my 60th birthday I'm moving there I'm recording at that point
01:05:19
I'll be in my 70s you'll be dead that's right but could
01:05:24
you use my bones as the yeah thing use my bones or something okay how about this let's do this I'm 40 this
01:05:30
year uh you're 12 years older than me right right you'll be 72 when I'm 60.
01:05:35
that's incredible think about that oh yeah then when I think I'll still be alive at 72 yeah when do you think you
01:05:41
tap out 80. because my parents my poor my mom's 80 and my dad died when he was 80. I was I
01:05:48
would think that maybe 80 is the number could be but I think your mom's gonna live for a long more time maybe 10 more years yeah what about you when you want
01:05:54
to tap out oh I thought we were still doing Bobby much older too yeah uh Asians
01:06:02
uh I think I'm gonna live pretty old too my family lives long so what are we
01:06:08
talking 90 100 90. have you seen the picture of this 109 year old monk that just died honey can't Google anything
01:06:17
monk what happened but no there they go it started working again the Buddhist monk look at this guy look at a picture of
01:06:23
this guy he just died well this year I guess I should say look at him whoa whoa
01:06:28
109. wait can you give me the third photo and zoom in on it I think he was in Game of Thrones
01:06:37
he's dead at this point right he's alive right there he's alive right there yeah
01:06:49
he looked normal to me what's what's so obscure about what about the second photo he's alive in the
01:06:55
second photo yeah he's playing Scrabble like that he's blessing a child look at that oh he
01:07:01
is oh there's a kid there yeah that kid is so scared you have to let the skeleton touch you
01:07:10
in order to be blessed yeah in the first one he's about to sneeze
01:07:17
no he just did a bump dude he's awake he needs to do a little bit of bump that
01:07:23
way he can bless people yeah an hour imagine being that old if you sneeze and your head falls off yeah like you're
01:07:29
sneezing that's right his head whips back yeah I mean this is this is crazy there's also this family look up this
01:07:35
family exhumed they exhume their grandmother's body they exhume their grandmother what does that mean exu
01:07:41
means removed from their tomb or grave it's [ __ ] nuts why is there a word for that family exhumes Graham after 10
01:07:47
years click on that look at this I just saw this on the news and the whole Community was like look at that look at that look at those photos
01:07:53
what they [ __ ] pulled her out of the ground and like walked her around what dude it's crazy the Blurred out faces
01:08:00
the dead box go to images you can see it without blurred in images I bet you they've shown it unfiltered because I've
01:08:06
seen it unfiltered you can see her look there let me look yeah go give me give
01:08:11
me that one ten years dead and they've exhumed her that's 10 years 10 years not bad wow not bad would you still smash
01:08:17
not bad I said not bad yeah yeah that's ins oh
01:08:23
whoa oh that's insane that's insane that can't be real that's 100 real that feels
01:08:28
illegal what are they doing though well they're walking around they just they love her
01:08:34
go back to the article and see what country it was from obviously this is not here you know that right we can't get away from this stuff but away with
01:08:39
this stuff I don't know that little guy looked like you're from Cleveland go to all baby doll
01:08:46
um where is it what country was it in oh Dominican Republic at the Dr baby the Dr
01:08:52
yeah you know they're good at baseball and digging up dead bodies they've seen kako and they thought they could bring it
01:08:59
check out no New York Post first line yeah what does it say she was still drop dead gorgeous
01:09:08
that is very funny that's insane look at the in the video they're addressing her they're putting a dress on her I mean
01:09:14
it's it's gross because I don't know her but I'll do that for you Bobby yeah we dig you back up so in the article I
01:09:20
don't know if it says it look there she is you can see that video is unfiltered in the in the one the first thing I read it it said the whole town people were
01:09:25
[ __ ] livid they were like why are you doing this it probably stinks like to
01:09:31
respect the dead why are you [ __ ] doing it and the family was like we loved her we want to be with her again
01:09:36
dude how crazy she's dead yeah and they pulled her out of the ground would you be cremated yeah we talked I
01:09:43
talked about it no no but I talked about this last literally last night because I said my grandfather used to have a great
01:09:50
quote he said um don't ever bury me in the ground or anybody in our family should never be
01:09:56
buried why he says the land is for the living oh he's a land is for the living you're taking up somebody else's time and space
01:10:03
he's like be burned and then return to the Earth but you're underground how is that this is different levels of yeah
01:10:08
but you can't live above a cemetery you can you can Poltergeist you can no but it's true though I believe I I
01:10:15
wholehearted I remember him saying that when I was a kid and I was like oh that's really poignant let me ask you this if there was a land that was a
01:10:20
cemetery there's maybe hundreds of bodies buried right and they go you can have this lamp where you can build a house on here yeah would you no why why
01:10:28
the [ __ ] of all the others no it's for free no I don't want to be I don't it's right by the ocean why do I want to be
01:10:34
on top of dead people you get a gigant in Malibu gigantic plot of land I would say dig all those bodies up then and no
01:10:40
we have to keep the bodies down there why what why because they paid for it but you can have the land you wouldn't
01:10:45
build a nice house on top of it why are you giving me the land I own the cemetery okay so so get ready and Sons
01:10:52
oh is that liaison Cemetery in Malibu in Malibu well dig up the
01:10:57
bodies and get them out of here I would never be you'd build a house on a [ __ ] Cemetery no but I'm just wondering why because it's like the
01:11:02
bodies are underground right I think the only reason why is because of ghosts of ghosts yeah but also it's disrespectful
01:11:10
to what to the [ __ ] idea there's some I know well then what don't put them down in the fridge you're in the ground
01:11:16
if I'm I'm a corpse I'm in a [ __ ] well there it is right I'm in it right
01:11:22
and I'm like Oh no you're gonna haunt them forever
01:11:28
forever every resident that comes there okay also did you build on me
01:11:34
[Music] I'd have to go to your house hey um can I visit Bobby yeah
01:11:43
oh right right okay what she's saying is something that we all already know is when you die I'm keeping you in my yard
01:11:50
you're gonna be buried in my backyard I want you near me all the time
01:11:55
I think it's crazy do you want to be cremated or buried you want to be buried you have to think
01:12:02
about it I think so people to come visit your site yeah you famous for it
01:12:08
you want to be at the [ __ ] Hollywood Forever Cemetery no it's not gonna be like [ __ ] Elvis in Memphis No One's
01:12:13
Gonna [ __ ] draw anything on my [ __ ] okay please do okay how about this yeah
01:12:19
you're given the opportunity to be buried next of some of your most it's the people that you respect the most
01:12:24
yeah now now will you do it in the center of Hollywood if they're like yeah we're gonna bury you next to
01:12:30
like your favorite like okay um let me see so Charles Bronson yeah Bronson right and Steve McQueen they're
01:12:37
there yeah in between yeah because let's suppose Spirits do hang out in the and
01:12:43
it's just proximity based right and I'm like I I'm like oh [ __ ] that's Charles Bronson's ghost how sick yeah
01:12:50
that'd be cool burn me up okay burn me up are you guys what's your pit what are you guys girls what is it I want to be
01:12:56
cremated yeah 100 and we also made an agreement with Bobby that when he he dies he needs to give me a signal
01:13:03
that that there's a the spirits are alive oh yeah yeah oh right like contact me in
01:13:10
the day after the afterlife yeah what is the signal do you have you guys communicated what it is yeah I'm gonna ghost queef on her face
01:13:18
she's gonna hear it so you're gonna have a [ __ ] in the afterlife yes hey man you pick you pick your life you
01:13:23
want a ghost queef right yeah yeah so what a juice are you gonna be um cremated or buried I've always wanted
01:13:29
to be cremated but when I saw that video I think that would be cool to leave the option that would be a good option that
01:13:34
would be a good option thank you all right YouTube what about you two you cremated for sure for sure for sure
01:13:41
George thrown out to say yeah throw me away just for [ __ ] I I never understood holding on to it but I did
01:13:47
say like we all were given a piece of my grandfather to spread around you know oh and there were so many of us I was like I wonder what piece I got like what did
01:13:53
we get why all right I get like a cheekbone you know what I mean like what did I really get we put it in my mom's Garden in the backyard
01:14:00
it's so funny because I was not I was too super detached from it when I got the ashes I thought nothing of it then
01:14:06
when I opened it up to spread it it was crazy why I don't I felt something it was so crazy you gotta be kidding me I
01:14:12
swear to God in my life I never I started bawling it was nuts I mean it's a burnt body yeah but and you when you
01:14:18
pour it out you can hear stop my question is I can ask a question I
01:14:24
don't know how they do it does white people look different no in the afternoon the acid way white what are
01:14:29
you talking about you think my dad's ashes are yellow yeah yeah that's hilarious yeah
01:14:36
um because when they burn it up yeah right yeah they put the body in this generator they don't clean it out every
01:14:44
time well the heat is so high it kills off everything I understand that but there's still gonna be ashes from other
01:14:49
people in there oh so you've got somebody else's dad as well I'm just saying everyone has a mix of everyone and I think they clean it out pretty
01:14:55
diligently because of that I would imagine I don't think so you think they just let it be well I'm just like if I'm
01:15:01
the guy that does it so what you're so now you say hey Bob time to clean it out I'd be like okay I already did it well
01:15:06
you yeah you wouldn't have this job that's why I don't think we're gonna let you work but that's what I would do
01:15:12
right get it already are you sure Bobby they tested some of the ashes they found that that was from 38 other people
01:15:19
you think so you do think they clean it up and they've gotta there's no way they don't I mean come on okay all right out
01:15:25
of respect I think the thing that creeps me out the most is when I went down to the South when you go down to um New Orleans and they've got all those
01:15:31
mausoleums you know like the tombs the above ground tombs yeah that's so [ __ ] creepy to me yeah in Spain on
01:15:37
Sundays families go to the cemetery they clean the tombs they right see this one I was talking about the religious stuff
01:15:42
in Latin cultures it's [ __ ] insane the way you guys are with death and religion and all that [ __ ] these things it's less creepy if you think about what
01:15:49
would happen if they didn't have them though see Bobby wants one of those sweet Nails bro
01:15:55
you and I next to each other bad friends yeah bad friend dude look at that the
01:16:01
ones you don't want to miss Look it's even on here is that you don't want to miss these cemeteries
01:16:06
right one person Bobby wants a don't want to do this one guys berry that's the [ __ ] go okay let's do it I'll do
01:16:11
that yeah let's do that I'll do that yeah yeah that I'll do with you a regular tombstone's [ __ ] how much is
01:16:16
that those each of those are probably at 100 200 Grand who knows in Latin America huh
01:16:22
a little less can I get this can I get a discount in
01:16:28
Latin America yes and then bring the thing here no you have to do it there oh I do but I guess we can be buried there
01:16:34
Amigos
01:16:39
are we going to visit malos Amigos today all right thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend
01:16:46
malos Amigos [Music]
