00:00:00
you two are bad friends you are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude
00:00:06
you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
00:00:12
didn't you drive together in the same farm we did but
00:00:17
like um yeah that was i liked it what is it like angelina jolie and um
00:00:23
oh no i was gonna say uh what's his name why can't i think of the dude's name bobby monahan yeah bobby boy
00:00:31
no angelina jolie and bob billy bob thornton
00:00:37
they dated but that's what you guys are you guys are that's billy bob thornton and your angelina jolie what would be the difference
00:00:43
is that yeah but my dick is not as crusty i feel like his dick is crusty no he's a babe
00:00:48
but now i think he's always been a babe ask canadians we don't have any canadians really bob thornton what he did in
00:00:55
canada what did he do he had to like i would act what like in a good way like an [ __ ]
00:01:02
like an [ __ ] yeah like a big [ __ ] no because what happened was you know he's in a band right uh that i know we
00:01:08
talk about it in the show we talk about the [ __ ] up man i just got out of rehab
00:01:14
i'm sorry you know what by the way that was my congratulations on getting out of rehab
00:01:19
you guys we have something for you bob we've got a trophy
00:01:26
bobby lee kicking the habit 2022 a little karate trophy for kicking the
00:01:31
habit congratulations oh i see yeah so this right here is weed that's drugs yeah so weeds coming on egos
00:01:38
like that smoke me smoke and then i got rid of uh porn too
00:01:45
old and young mostly old more old than young or whatever my fetish is older is for you
00:01:51
older for younger for younger yes and the reason why i like that porn by the way is because i identify with the old
00:01:56
man because i have such a bad self poor image so when i would google poor i don't do
00:02:02
porn anymore baby all right baby intimacy you are an old man too though you identify because you're an old guy
00:02:08
you're an old guy i am you are you're an old sweet man i just realized that huh yeah you're old but why did when i went
00:02:14
to rehab though why did all the kids follow me around because you act like a child ah
00:02:20
right but bro yep i was a leader there dude well they they
00:02:25
are you sure because i have a voicemail do you guys want to hear it yes yes this is a voicemail of a leader
00:02:30
let's hear also by the way let's let's can we welcome the wonderful kalila to
00:02:36
the show thank you for coming i i'm here begrudgingly because the little one has covid i know
00:02:41
and you guys brought it so thank you for bringing it welcome we don't have covet she got tested she doesn't have it i
00:02:47
know she did i know yeah you know why why when i was in arizona
00:02:52
right they let me escape and go to the mall right i'm double masked right yeah
00:02:58
and i almost got covered do you know why no tell me a lot of people recognize me okay
00:03:05
let's play this voicemail to bring you back down to earth is this the is this the message of the
00:03:11
leader over here let's hear great so awesome basically um
00:03:16
add dinner the food here is terrible oh my god um
00:03:24
it's like oz like fights breaking out it's like people stalking me it's terrible
00:03:30
um
00:03:44
i might try to sleep tonight but nothing's gonna happen bye bro
00:03:50
you have no idea what i went through did you hang that sounded like you he hung up a prison phone right you know when there was a pain
00:03:55
glass that was a pay phone do i get okay first of all this is the first you called me from this place the first
00:04:00
place yeah i get there right um they go you sleep there yeah all right i put my pajamas on
00:04:08
yeah what are you talking about [ __ ] pictures i get on my underwear right there's a man laying next to me
00:04:14
like i could touch his skin and he's probably 70 years old right
00:04:20
and he's naked i think but i see one of his legs is sticking out of the sheets okay and
00:04:26
you know how you white people have a lot of varicose i don't have any spider web veins i
00:04:31
looked at your skin i'm walking i could see a lot of veins in your body right and he was doing this bro this is what
00:04:36
he was doing he was like he was going
00:04:45
every minute he was doing that right yeah and i took two edibles
00:04:50
why you [ __ ] idiots because i don't want to be the first guy
00:04:56
to show up a treatment sober sober right right irony of that is staggering isn't it funny everybody gets
00:05:02
[ __ ] up and then they go to treatment they get as high as they can yeah yeah and then i was at the airport i was you know going crazy
00:05:08
right nothing yeah i was jerking off two guys yeah that is juggling no i was like drinking it and
00:05:15
so i go there and then i take all my [ __ ] and i go to the lobby right and i sleep in a chair like this
00:05:22
right cause you this guy's screaming all night long but i can still hear him and then
00:05:27
this little girl comes up to me she must have been 14 15 years old
00:05:33
and she goes i'm not gonna make it no i swear to god and she just walks
00:05:38
away right and i'm literally i have to be here for a month i'm not i shouldn't laugh but that is so [ __ ] creepy two
00:05:45
days later right yeah i literally see i'm sleeping i see a little kid a teenage kid getting dragged by his hair
00:05:53
across the hall and he's going i'm going to stab you in the eyes with an ice pack
00:05:58
right this is rehab it's a good one it's no it's not good it's not good it feels
00:06:04
like and and to get out of there right what did we have to do i had to call the jews man
00:06:11
you had to call the jews yeah all of them so you did i called jerusalem yeah you
00:06:17
called israel i got all the lawyers and they got me out of there well how was it was by legally binding they were gonna
00:06:22
make you stay they can't make you stay anywhere but they wouldn't drive right they wouldn't let me leave and then they also wouldn't get me a ride but we have
00:06:28
to have some clarity you went to a different rehab people it's not like you broke out of a rehab and came you went to another rehab he went to initially a
00:06:35
30-day inpatient oh right where it's where it's like they [ __ ] chain you in
00:06:41
yeah and then you're not allowed to make phone calls they take your phone
00:06:47
and your ipad so what are you doing in the middle of the night i'm trying to masturbate through my memory
00:06:52
you can't jerk off with your mind no but but but i my mind right is very clever
00:06:58
and i have a man imagination you do yeah so it's kind of like her like her tit
00:07:03
right one tip yeah his ass cheeks fancy i love your ass shakes what part of me they're so european and soft and very
00:07:10
good right pete's titties his titties are so so there's three tits
00:07:15
you have one of those kids here's the center tit both tits petey says on the side right so sweaty
00:07:21
and nice right and beer comes out beer comes out of his tits yeah yeah but because i'm sober so i avoid it okay
00:07:28
yeah so this is beer only sucking yeah and i'm avoiding his [ __ ] yeah i'm
00:07:34
sorry i'm sober right and then um but i couldn't not couldn't finish no in fact i i have um
00:07:42
17 days of no porn
00:07:48
can you masturbate just to your mind um i can it just takes a long time do you have to use a toy
00:07:54
no i don't use any toys you guys don't have any toys i have to look i don't use any toys because i'm afraid to that i'll
00:08:01
have to rely on it for the rest of my life because those [ __ ] suckers these days yeah are next level
00:08:08
you know we got one at the crib [Music]
00:08:20
i just get so tired that this thing this thing picks up the slack yeah but yesterday i go can i eat your vagina and
00:08:26
then you said it's bloody and i go i said i want to she wouldn't let me do you do it uh no
00:08:33
definitely not seems like a bad day you just take a break for a couple of days i know but i just got a rehab so i'm like let me you
00:08:38
know right it's like pretty like when you get out of prison yeah i had a fork and i have the whole thing you know i mean i put a napkin
00:08:44
i was ready anyway um it's good to be back it's great that you're back we're happy that
00:08:49
um and then i went to another place and i couldn't sleep for how many days
00:08:55
well you called me i was in new york i think you're on four three or four days 96 hours i didn't sleep
00:09:00
well that's so crazy so crazy and you talked like a guy who hadn't slept yeah and they thought i was gonna
00:09:06
have a psychotic break and then i went to a mall and then they said uh when you're gonna
00:09:11
have a psychotic break everybody at home go to a mall no i had to go to build a bear right that's the place no no i had to no
00:09:18
i have to go to build a bear why it's a part of the thing so can i tell you about bildemar please
00:09:24
all right so when you go to this place they go you have to go to build-a-bear at least sometime in your break is this
00:09:30
rehab owned by build-a-bear no no no no it's uh mcdonald's no i'm so uh
00:09:37
but you go to build-a-bear and you you build your original child oh i see right so you know your original
00:09:44
child when you're born don't laugh this is real i know but
00:09:50
is uh what do babies need they need to be held love love nurtured comfort
00:09:56
fuel safety food yeah my dad played golf on my body
00:10:01
yeah i mean so um you built you you you build this bear right
00:10:07
and remember the first one i built you a couple years ago and you hold it like it's your inner child you're mean
00:10:12
and um but because i had a psychotic break right i literally was had the baby in the mall
00:10:19
and i didn't know where i was not only did not know where i was i didn't know what city i was in i didn't
00:10:24
know if i was in the mall yeah that's how [ __ ] tired i was you were a guy walking around just with a
00:10:29
[ __ ] beard where am i it was [ __ ] crazy it's called a fugue state fugue
00:10:35
state so um do you know that's how you do do you know that's what it was yeah the fugue state and the one last thing i
00:10:41
want to say before you go into the internet is this i would like to have the renege reneg i would like to renege
00:10:48
right because last week i was very vulnerable yeah and i called you yeah
00:10:56
i think i cried you did and i think i regret half of the things i
00:11:02
said really yeah a little bit it was like the nicest call you've what did i say i forgot you caught i was i was at a
00:11:08
farm in upstate new york and you said i just want to tell you that i love you
00:11:15
been no one's ever i'm doing i'm doing it i'm not making fun of all right i'm doing you said and no one's ever done
00:11:21
what you did and you're a real friend and i love you i'm dead serious and you would go back into a normal voice and then you'd go oh
00:11:28
you don't understand i love you and then you hung up and you called back
00:11:34
20 minutes later and you said i don't know man i don't know how much of that stuff i mean
00:11:41
you did take it back yeah and then i said why why would you do that and then you say i don't know i'm kidding i'm get okay i gotta go i gotta go okay you know
00:11:48
what so you meant some of it no you know what you're right i wanna say it here okay i'm gonna say it here okay
00:11:55
don't roll your eyes well i know what's coming no you do yeah okay but go ahead no but i want to hear it i'm sorry go
00:12:01
ahead you know i've been in this business for ever
00:12:07
gonna start over please i've been in this business forever right
00:12:12
and um you know in the beginning of my career i just met just terrible people yeah i
00:12:19
mean name them just open micros like zoo man and wally wong and these guys you know i mean ali
00:12:25
wong wally wong oh oh you don't know so anyway um and then i came to l.a it
00:12:30
was [ __ ] terrible and i spent many many years just meeting terrible people
00:12:36
comics but every once in a while you'll meet somebody that just you'll it'll just spark your heart
00:12:43
and you're one of those guys i when i saw you it was like it was almost as if i saw somebody that
00:12:49
i knew my whole life like it was that easy that comfortable
00:12:54
and during my dark times in my life you've been there
00:12:59
100 you call me three in the morning you always call me back right you're always checking up on
00:13:06
me and i honestly and i you know i refound my god
00:13:11
like i lost god but you found god again i found god again and i prayed to god
00:13:17
last week and i said thank you for putting brian i mean andrew sent you though
00:13:24
i was waiting sorry no i was say thank you for putting ander centino in my life and um
00:13:31
yeah i'm just really blessed i love you thank you say something now about me
00:13:37
well bob feels good i love it i'm happy that you are
00:13:42
i'm happy that you are found god and redefining what you want
00:13:47
in life because you were a little lost and i think you're more centered now and
00:13:53
talking on the phone seemed like you were really figuring out what you needed
00:13:58
and i love you and you know you mean the world to me feels good but i've said that to you all the whole
00:14:04
time yeah i do love me though i love you very very much okay and i was i was very concerned
00:14:11
when i when sher and i talked about you coming to mexico and i talked
00:14:17
with these guys you know next week next time i get out of rehab don't bring an audience
00:14:23
no no these are these people are all in rehab as well oh is that what it is this is all oh they need help the uh yeah
00:14:28
they all need okay okay
00:14:42
over the hotel that's right that's right and it was a night and then we said at dinner fancy was like no one's gonna have a drink because we
00:14:49
didn't want to have a drink around you and who's the first person that ordered a drink bobby bobby yeah bobby
00:14:56
yeah no not for me the longest two hours of my life what huh the longest two hours it was fancy was quivering the
00:15:03
whole time he was like so nervous and scared and you know i was so manipulative i mean the things i was
00:15:09
saying to george was so crazy it was [ __ ] up it was [ __ ] up yeah the airport what's that how'd you get
00:15:15
him to the airport because i knew that he woke up in his own vomit yes we
00:15:20
i got to tell you something what shout out to the [ __ ] jfl people for actually
00:15:26
getting you into a car because you were not functioning you were so out of it
00:15:32
and it was just so [ __ ] up and they did a good job controlling you you came to the door with poop on your hand in
00:15:38
front of me do you know that i'm so sorry that's okay it was a little shocking well you don't knock on my door
00:15:45
when i'm pooping how would i know that's true you're not continuing to send me a text right
00:15:51
i'm just saying try to like how about this try to know when you poop no not don't knock on my door then don't come
00:15:56
say hi yeah you got it no why did you text me first are you pooping oh that's the first test i should say right right and i go
00:16:03
yeah then wait five minutes i'll give it a go but i shouldn't even if i'm pooping i shouldn't have wiped my ass and then
00:16:09
brought it to the what do you think is he do you think he should wipe his ass and bring it to the door
00:16:14
i'm looking for a third party opinion because i guess mine is wrong i think like sober or um not sober he's to bring
00:16:21
poop to the door to the door he really isn't a poop no can i say something right now
00:16:27
i'm surprised you don't let me [ __ ] on your chest do you never want her to do something like that [ __ ] on my chest he
00:16:32
wants he constantly wants to smell my [ __ ] i want to shoot her i like smell the smell of [ __ ] wait time but you smell what what though
00:16:39
the in the toilet no no i like the smell of like wet ass we're back baby
00:16:45
the whole like when the hole is wet right not poo right it's like um like out of the pool
00:16:51
out of the shower how about this how about this yeah you know how you open up a magazine and sometimes they have like a cologne
00:16:57
or perfume that you just kind of write yeah that magnitude of poo it's not a big pile of poo it's just
00:17:09
right and i go hmm interesting elephant poo i you know i mean i do this it's a light you know it's not a gigantic this
00:17:15
should be good when it dries yeah yeah yeah yeah i understand yeah so um but um i don't want a piece of [ __ ] on
00:17:21
my chest let's try what [Laughter] you want to try to [ __ ] on my chest yeah
00:17:27
i do what's the what's that what's the one where there's a piece of glass between you is that i like that is that a hot carl
00:17:32
what is that i thought no i thought the hot carl was just bare chest [ __ ] on barry okay that's how carl there is one
00:17:38
there's a piece of glass in between you pete you've got to know what this is that's just like a version of a dental
00:17:44
glass bottom boat oh it's called a glass bottom boat because you can see all the coral right
00:17:50
that's exactly right see it says typically a coffee table which is true i've heard that it's called you guys have a glass coffee table at the house
00:17:57
yeah we do i think i have one in the garage i can actually lend also we have a little money we can
00:18:02
buy one well let's buy you a a glass bottom boat so what happens i go i'm underneath a table like this
00:18:08
well here's the deal you're supposed to like hug it so the glass is flush with your chest because you need to feel the
00:18:14
heat that radiates through the glass that's the whole point because if you're just underneath it who cares right
00:18:20
of the poo you want to feel it without the dirtiness so this is like entry level glass bottom boat is like stage
00:18:25
one of what she wants to end up doing so let's say you love it then you go well let's now let's switch it to like
00:18:31
plexiglas i mean you start to slowly get away from then on to saran wrap saran wrap right right and then after saran
00:18:38
wrap the real thing the real deal so you build to poo right you don't need to go there right away that's yeah you know i
00:18:44
understand your hesitancy but you know like i was watching the the bill cosby documentary
00:18:49
what a comic just hear me out it has nothing to do with you know i mean that should have
00:18:54
been the name of his documentary hear me out i can explain can you
00:19:01
so what so um but in the beginning of the when he started his career he was just a bartender right right and then a
00:19:07
year later he was on tv so unbelievable how fast so fast right so i'm going to go straight to pool
00:19:14
oh you want yeah i don't need to go to open mic right that's what it is saran wrap the
00:19:19
glass that's open mic you're selling out around i'm going to go pro okay i'm going to go madison square garden i'm gonna go dan cook you [ __ ] in my face
00:19:26
yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] in my mouth i'll do it yeah no you don't want in your mouth buddy why because no way the germans do
00:19:31
it oh yeah shaiza i really like two girls one cop you know let's revisit it
00:19:38
[Laughter] the world is great by the way i watched the tinder swindler and i got to tell you
00:19:44
full support of this guy what is his name simon levi i love this guy hey did you watch it
00:19:50
i i called i texted my brother and i go i think i'm i have a new aaa sponsor
00:19:56
i mean i'm gonna call him in israel and go can you sponsor me this guy's thinking this guy is the king you loved
00:20:01
it didn't you i loved it i also was just immediately as soon as i saw the type of
00:20:07
women he was after i'm like i see you i see you dog look let me tell
00:20:12
you something did he scam a lot of people yeah ten million dollars yeah
00:20:19
is it is it super funny it's so funny and also is it clever
00:20:26
fairy and well thought out very that's all i'm saying i think he's a bad guy bad guy but he's very good at like
00:20:33
planning at being a bad guy a bad guy yeah yeah we like bad guys and i'm not blaming the victims no never blame the
00:20:39
victims andreas right but if kolila was in germany
00:20:45
and she calls me she goes oh my bodyguard got beat up and my credit cards aren't working you know i mean can you wire me i have no data
00:20:52
for 10 years you mean 300 i'd be like good luck bye bye
00:20:58
50 grand yeah you can get that money babe on your own okay i'm not doing it not doing it i'm not doing it so
00:21:04
some it's you know they made some bad choices the victims [Laughter]
00:21:10
you're right they're victims and they were manipulated right i feel bad for the women but i
00:21:18
also think do you no
00:21:24
i do i feel bad no of course yeah it's so terrible it's awful so man it was so amazing he was able to do it the the
00:21:31
part that i started to really go yucky yuck was when he makes threats to them and all that stuff then i'm like no
00:21:36
before that it was just a good scam i like me a good scam but i but then when he was threatening to them then
00:21:42
you're like no this isn't this is gross this is disgusting now you're now it's too much but when you just went
00:21:47
hey can i borrow pete how funny would it be to scam pete out of 50 grand
00:21:53
ruin his life wouldn't that be so funny i have a family i have two kids yeah yeah oh my god kids it makes even fun that would be
00:21:59
pretty funny yeah liquid i mean oh my god andrew when i over go whenever i go to like um whole
00:22:05
foods or a place and i see liquid iv being sold there yeah and it's almost sold out i think i get it because let me
00:22:11
send water alone i don't like it's not enough when you have liquid iv in it right it just makes it like elton john
00:22:18
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00:22:23
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00:22:42
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00:22:48
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00:23:22
well you don't have to ask me that question because it's always beyond these it's always been me undies i love mendez because i love the fabricate they
00:23:28
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00:23:33
have cool designs like that and my favorite thing about it i'm being serious is that it stays soft even when you wash a lot and we know you need to
00:23:39
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00:23:45
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00:23:52
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00:24:45
have you been tricked out of money not money but love oh that that hurts his
00:24:50
handle on myspace was amarcito888 and he was who i thought was an adonis
00:24:58
that lived in australia but i think he was a short indian man with like eight
00:25:03
kids that's what the 888 was yeah yeah that's my number of children that's
00:25:08
so funny to think that i just it's funny to get
00:25:15
tricked out of love because i feel like guys get tricked out of money more than love that's why i
00:25:20
that's why the tinder swindler i was like he won for the good guys it went for the bad guys but also [ __ ] because here's the
00:25:26
problem with the whole thing for me each of these women said they fell in love with this guy
00:25:32
some of them knew him for like a [ __ ] week right and you really you fell in love with the idea that you were going to be
00:25:38
swi whisked away on private jets and i would fall in love with that guy but you gotta have some sort of
00:25:44
foresight of like oh this seems a little i don't know it's fairytale-ish and that if it's too
00:25:51
good to be true it is he chose wisely he was very smart he was i know they're all
00:25:56
swedish girls or danish girls what does this really say about but he this guy doesn't have
00:26:02
how let's be real for a second he's a bad guy this guy has to live with life right
00:26:07
yeah without any empathy yeah he's without any real emotional connection to other
00:26:12
human beings right and to be able to lock eyes with somebody and go hey man how are you feeling you know what i mean
00:26:18
and let me help you right like when i went to the last treatment center i was at this is what
00:26:23
saved me and this is a real story that's not funny okay okay this old man right who is a therapist
00:26:31
from the 60s that he's still he it's his practice this facility i'm at he rarely
00:26:36
comes in but he decided to come in for two hours to see me to do a session right i'm sitting there talking to the
00:26:42
man and he starts this is not funny but he goes he was talking about his great great grandkids
00:26:48
wow i need how he when he goes to uh l.a santa monica and he
00:26:54
sees his great grandkids play soccer and their coach is like very mindful and he teaches them
00:27:00
about positivity and you know what i mean and and he starts weeping this old man while he's telling us telling the
00:27:05
story and literally he locks eyes with me and i started weeping with him right
00:27:12
and we cried for like three minutes together this old man just about kids playing soccer no about it's about me
00:27:19
me connecting with him and feeling his joy and his gratitude right and it's in
00:27:25
that moment where i found god and i know there's going to be a joke coming right i'm i'm right
00:27:31
but what i'm saying what i'm saying is that that dude right there can't connect with people in that way yeah he's crazy
00:27:38
i know but that's so in at the end of the [ __ ] day this guy's gonna die alone
00:27:43
miserable and rich and very rich
00:27:55
do you understand my point though 100 right of course i dude i'm right this guy this guy so when i was watching this
00:28:01
[ __ ] document i was just kind of going he's free in israel he can't go anywhere else he can't go to europe
00:28:06
again well did he just make a fake password didn't you do that like ten times i know but really he kept doing it the whole film
00:28:12
yeah but he now i think they they're on to him how i feel there's a [ __ ] movie about him now dude they did they
00:28:18
also he's suing netflix i think is what he said they did they gave him 16 months he did like four or five he [ __ ] they
00:28:26
don't give a [ __ ] it's because he's also wise about the amount that he's swindling it's not it's not
00:28:33
billions of dollars and it's not millions and millions of dollars so it's sort of like yeah he's he's gonna serve
00:28:38
what 48 months max but that's a small price to pay for him he can just resume activity after
00:28:45
see i think they said in total he might have uh acquired 10 million over the course of
00:28:51
all of his scamming not just from women from other stuff i kind of hand it to you that's
00:28:56
pretty great he can't but he used like he would take advantage of one woman right
00:29:01
they would give him 300 grand whatever he would use that to finance another right why can't you take that just bamboozle one woman invest it invest
00:29:08
that [ __ ] money yeah i thought about that the whole time me too but that's logic he loves the the gambling he loves the ponzi of it all of it's like i'm
00:29:14
gonna use you to take her out and i'm gonna use her to get another hot chick to be my friend remember he did that with another girl he just befriended hot
00:29:21
girls with cool hot girls so that made another girl go this guy's gotta be cool he's friends with hot cool girls but
00:29:26
but he has to ass my argument is this i'm sorry yeah yeah he has to realize that you know some
00:29:32
marks might not work out i think a lot of them don't for him right but let's suppose because it
00:29:37
didn't remember like he got to the point where he had to live in that [ __ ] uh what it was a hostile hostel yeah and
00:29:44
he's begging for money yeah he's just made that's how desperate was he but look you can go on his instagram fans
00:29:50
he's back at it again he's like got a new benz he's got a new watch he's got a new group of hot blonde girls so my
00:29:56
point is it's gonna continue even these women that have seen this they don't care
00:30:01
they just still they're like [ __ ] it i still get to go to private jet with some other [ __ ] money
00:30:08
people are still doing it look up his instagram he's out there it's like when women like serial killers in prison
00:30:13
exactly why do you guys like that why do you like that you get the good sex without the stalking
00:30:20
you get the good desperate oh my god like a man is so just
00:30:27
wasted in in a prison right yes there's so much just pent up down there just
00:30:32
testosterone and then you are just the peak of his existence at that point
00:30:37
right so a conjugal visit the idea of a conjugal visit with a man
00:30:43
where i know i am just the peak of his existence he's gonna [ __ ] me with all of
00:30:48
his might and he won't be able to stalk me or call me or contact me wow wow
00:30:54
but also okay but okay here's a guy who's a killer not this guy let's just say there's a guy that's like he's a
00:30:59
murderer stone cold murderer then he says he found god in prison a lot of them do
00:31:04
and he says i would never hurt you do you buy this you buy this i just want you to come see
00:31:09
me i know my record says i choked out and killed four women but i would never do this to you do you buy this not a
00:31:15
chance no but some people there's women that do yeah and they go back and they're like
00:31:20
he would never hurt me you guys don't read the letters he writes me because women are say it with me
00:31:28
[Music] i didn't mean that no women are beautiful you guys would never do conjugal visit
00:31:34
with a woman in prison honestly you you no but if you were in prison no it has to be and it can't be her because that
00:31:41
doesn't make sense of course you would with her you [ __ ] love her okay what about this your mom your mom
00:31:51
what is this what does it say what does this post say no caption this guy's the goat
00:31:57
he's just on a [ __ ] boat no captions on all these what does that say memories
00:32:03
you know who was you know you know who he is huh andrew schultz that's the same
00:32:08
i can see schultz doing this look at that top or nothing this guy's the best dude wait wait wait
00:32:14
wait wait what a psycho what does top or nothing mean it's a drop down he's in a drop top car oh but it also doesn't make sense yeah
00:32:20
doesn't make any top or nothing i love this guy he's fascinating
00:32:26
love it what does that say back at home just rubbing it in i don't know i don't
00:32:32
i would never would i don't know would you conjugal visit a woman that was in jail say but you don't know her you've never met her you read about her in the
00:32:38
news this is what happens with women they read about the guy in the news they start writing him letters i i had fantasy about eileen warrenos
00:32:45
she's like a imaginary fantasies about like visiting like a dick by eileen
00:32:50
in prison i don't know who that is she was they did a monster
00:32:56
yeah i had i had fantasies about her right really yeah like looking like that yeah
00:33:01
but my fantasy was i i was in the prison cell next to hers look at that one two three right back to that i was in the
00:33:06
prison center next to her and i dug a little hole so oh so it was like a glory hole yeah gloria i i stuck
00:33:12
my penis in but in one of them i fantasy she bit it off you ever tried to cut it off with that one too yeah
00:33:18
that's the face she makes after she bit it whoops yeah you know what you know what's such a mean thought that i got when you just
00:33:25
said a glory hole thing i wonder like you've ever seen a glory hole live at a truck stop
00:33:30
have you ever seen one have you ever seen one no i've seen them at the truck stops i've actually seen a glorious goal and at first you think this is some
00:33:36
teenager did and then you think no this is this happens out here yeah and then i looked at it just in my mind's eye when
00:33:42
you just said glory hole yeah and sometimes the thickness of those stall doors is big yeah do you think you do do
00:33:47
you think yours would so what you're saying to me like just your little head would poke out what you're saying to me right now is
00:33:53
if i did a glorious haul getting me in a [ __ ] stall right how big it how deep my take is a lot long so what you're
00:33:59
saying it's it's not gonna reach enough so that there's that she could suck it yeah but can she stick her tongue in the
00:34:04
hole yeah just a little just just lick it but yeah
00:34:10
[ __ ] you dude imagine how hard you push against my erection good have you not seen him fully hard no i have seen him
00:34:16
i've seen him i've seen him just after he was hard you know it's like the post post game and what did you think it was
00:34:21
it's you know what it's i've said this to him before over all the years since when we first met at the comedy
00:34:26
store and he put his penis on my arm and all that stuff when i was in the booth which you did penis out on my arm
00:34:33
i his jokes about his penis being small it's all good and fun but it's so regular it's not thank you it's not
00:34:39
small it's a very normal penis thank you but you're a grower not a shower that's a fact
00:34:44
because there's days for sure when it needs to grow okay because it does that thing in mexico when your penis was out
00:34:51
it did that thing where it tucks away you know how it like turtle bathes itself
00:34:57
it tucks away and it puts the balls up to its cheek it does tuck away when you see him
00:35:02
around the house what is the time when it's at its smallest stop talking about
00:35:07
is it first thing in the morning a penis no this is fun he's been shy about showing me his penis
00:35:13
lately bob i haven't seen it in a while you don't walk around naked honestly it just got out of rehab man yeah i need
00:35:20
some time no it's just like all jonesed out you know what i mean yeah yeah he's detoxing bro you know but
00:35:26
dick on this episode of detox dick do you walk around naked did you see the ricky gervais special where he talks
00:35:32
about the so there was a glory two guys right went to a glory hall
00:35:38
and one guy stuck his penis out got his came in a random man's mouth
00:35:43
when they walked out together it was a father and a son okay right
00:35:49
so if you did a glory hole right and you get your dick sucked and you walked out it was your dad
00:35:55
right what would you do would you hug him dad or would you be like [ __ ] the [ __ ] or
00:36:00
would i hug him is that your first dad
00:36:05
whenever yeah i don't know it's your dad i wouldn't say a word i would just oh you would oh
00:36:11
so let's let's both walk out i want to see what you would do okay so i'm walking out right
00:36:17
wait wait am i the sucky or sucker i just you you sucked it and you're the down to sun okay right so
00:36:23
i'm zipping up that was the best [ __ ] [ __ ] i've ever gotten that was amazing
00:36:29
he [ __ ] did sack work he did sack work i walk out
00:36:39
i dad i would say dad what if you gave me a kiss [Laughter]
00:36:45
oh that'd be so good yeah that i do that would ruin the family right okay what about this okay
00:36:50
what if you saw you know i love these scenarios well yeah like what okay all right what what what if you're at like a a butt plug
00:36:57
convention and they're like you know try out some of the newest butt plugs the newest anal
00:37:02
beads right and and they're like dude you someone comes dude you gotta see this guy he's got 40 [ __ ] beads in
00:37:08
his ass and they get bigger as they go and if you said that to me i'd be like where we gotta go we gotta go and you're
00:37:14
like they're pulling out now it's like a [ __ ] chainsaw right and there's a dude like a you're pulling up
00:37:21
such a big crowd we have to get in excuse me excuse me excuse me and everyone's screaming more more more
00:37:28
more more you can't believe it right and then this guy gets up and it's your father oh
00:37:34
dad i would be like you know what i would do
00:37:39
huh honestly i would so i'd be in the front of the crowd right i would slowly just
00:37:45
backwards the homer simpson yeah absoria would absorb me back right and i'd probably
00:37:50
walk that'll be the loneliest parking lot walk into your car because everyone's going to come up to you did you see the anal bead guys yeah it was
00:37:56
amazing what i would do i would kick something just kick it just like a tin can just one loose anal
00:38:02
bead that fell off a rope you just kick it down there right what if you saw your family at a sex
00:38:07
convention type of thing i think i'd feel pride yeah yeah my family are freaks oh
00:38:14
they're just a bunch of freaks freak freaks they're free so you were never as you're as a kid your family was never
00:38:19
shy about any of that stuff no they were open yeah my aunties would just openly talk about sex like pinch each other's
00:38:26
nipples talk about the men they swindled what did you just say about
00:38:35
wait have they have you ever seen a family member hooking up in front of you um is that not traumatic so i saw a family
00:38:42
member cheating on my uncle yeah and just openly for like weeks at a time and
00:38:48
she was like [ __ ] this dude you watch them hook up yeah i would hear them [ __ ] or whatever and when my uncle
00:38:54
came back from hong kong and i was like uncle freddie do you know that so-and-so is [ __ ] jerry and it backfired he
00:39:01
cussed me out he's like look at your [ __ ] business what she does yeah what the [ __ ] i thought i was being you
00:39:08
know like a hero he just didn't want to hear it you just get the [ __ ] away that [ __ ] because i think that it hurt
00:39:14
his pride that a little kid was telling him what it was doing i was eight oh yeah a little kid a little kid saying
00:39:20
that's tough calling it out is tough because then he knows it's real because kids don't [ __ ] lie yeah kids are gonna say the
00:39:26
r he's like he was loving it it was [ __ ] he was smashing her to pieces
00:39:32
it's like kids just they go all the details they can't not tell you the truth i almost witnessed my parents [ __ ]
00:39:40
i was so i would sneak out of my room i just got the i just like shook my i have goose bumps but don't you guys like the idea yeah
00:39:47
but i like the idea of my parents being like dumb and full of calm yeah yeah yeah
00:39:53
[ __ ] machines yeah yeah well you don't my parents look like mythological creatures
00:40:00
yoda and [ __ ] gollum [ __ ] yeah so i would sneak out of my room and
00:40:05
watch like late i would hope to like watch the tonight show or letterman to see if there was stand-ups on yeah in
00:40:11
high school right yeah so one night it was me 16 maybe and i was uh watching and then i could hear my parents walk
00:40:18
down the hallway right so i turned the tv off and it jumped behind the couch
00:40:23
then my parents put in a korean video like a vhs tape right of some weird like
00:40:30
korean porn it was all fuzzy and stuff and they're like my daddy
00:40:43
[Laughter]
00:40:49
i was watching stand up and my dad got so [ __ ] mad man does he have a boner no he beat me with a boner yeah
00:40:57
imagine your dad hard as [ __ ] just beating the [ __ ] out of you but i i had to i had i couldn't do it i've only
00:41:02
heard it once your parents [ __ ] yeah nick [ __ ] me i hated it i was gonna go down i was up i got up late and i was
00:41:07
gonna go downstairs to go get something to drink and as i walked past the door it was no what a year traumatic
00:41:13
you know what the worst part was i heard him not her what'd you hear like i couldn't hear my mom that's the worst
00:41:19
when you can hear the dude over the girl women i'm not saying women face is buried in a pillow dude
00:41:25
well she was probably no but it's so [ __ ] up to hear to hear your parents hooking up because
00:41:32
i just i you want to hear a woman when you hear someone hooking up you want to hear a girl you want to hear yeah yeah
00:41:37
you don't want to hear someone huh even your mama no it doesn't matter i'm just saying the idea of sex i don't want to hear it at all but the idea of sex in
00:41:43
your mind is like the woman should be the one i hear so what did your dad hear what'd you hear it was that it was like yeah oh i was
00:41:51
like oh no try not to traumatize me i just went downstairs and i ate everything in the [ __ ] cabinet
00:41:57
eating i was like what is it you know what i was thinking about why do we always talk about poo
00:42:03
sex glory holes tell me something else to talk about ooh
00:42:08
do you want to hear what new role play is going on at home yes
00:42:13
so our new role play is that i'm a gold star lesbian and he's a gold star gay
00:42:18
guy what's gold star like we've never been with um the opposite side right
00:42:25
and um we um i don't know we're not getting laid i don't know what you're doing cut his
00:42:30
mic off we're both in college but we're not getting laid but we're best friends so we're having really just like it's in
00:42:37
the conversation let her do it [Laughter] so he's a gay guy i'm a gold star
00:42:43
lesbian but we're best friends we're not getting laid lately and we're just in the dorm and we're just like i guess we'll have sex so we're having very
00:42:49
disinterested yeah it's like no passion sex and you're like i guess i gotta do this it's gonna disgust me
00:42:55
you say that oh yeah well he's a lesbian i'm the gay guy right yeah yeah
00:43:01
why did i think about it the other way why why did i think you know i'm the girl yes i know i can't believe i even
00:43:06
jumped to the other conclusion yeah and i've never had anything like like aside from fingers you're the lesbian right
00:43:12
yeah that's not the lesbian voice that's my character choice i've never had anything but fingers tired of other
00:43:18
actors you're me telling me how to do choose my [ __ ] some of your choices aren't good all right but the [ __ ] director let
00:43:23
me hear your gay guy voice ew [ __ ]
00:43:29
yeah yeah which is that's the only thing i've ever heard those guys say you know kalila i just don't talk to people
00:43:34
here's the thing okay you and i we share so much have you heard about brandon
00:43:39
what what is brandon virgin brandon is that your little character virgin brandon
00:43:44
yeah he's a virgin brand is brandon in there sit down get up to the microphone is brandon in there where's little
00:43:50
brandon you know andrew i travel a lot and whenever i go on the road i only use
00:43:56
doordash because they have the most the best restaurants always they're quickest and the other they're the best behaved
00:44:01
dude they got everything you can you want in 30 minutes yeah okay
00:44:07
deodorant yeah yep morning pick me up from dunkin donuts check get everything you need
00:44:12
whenever you need it with doordash that's right you want chinese yeah yep or korean yup yup you want pizza
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00:44:59
subjects have changed terms apply roman andrew i'm getting old and my pp don't work so good not so good and that's why
00:45:06
i go to roman roman is the best hey look millions of people suffer from erectile dysfunction it's extremely common and i
00:45:13
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00:45:18
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00:46:18
you're ready to have the confidence and control be roman ready i'm here what are you doing brandon i'm scared what are
00:46:24
you scared of buddy i don't know i don't know where my parents are oh are you lost yeah who's that woman that woman
00:46:30
right there yeah she makes she makes me suck on her breasts she does it makes me
00:46:36
feel funny you don't like it do you brand you like it you do yeah and then
00:46:42
he cries oh your peepee cries but you don't cry do you if i cry because i'm so happy yeah bran
00:46:49
anyway on where is she she's right there yeah but what we do we do not do that kind of
00:47:02
this is brandon talking to andrew it's not what he would react when he's with you
00:47:08
i'm appalled virgin brandon is a 29 year old incel who's so thankful for the fact that i'm
00:47:15
writing him backwards oh that's brandon that's brandon i was playing timmy sorry you're
00:47:20
playing
00:47:29
reverse cowgirl so no fate no not looking at you no no no i don't want to see um yeah i don't you don't want to
00:47:34
see it but you know when she goes off whenever i whenever i'm like i've never done this before right she's like yeah
00:47:40
we'll just lay there let me do all the work and when she's when it enters right
00:47:46
my character acts as if jesus himself
00:47:51
like it feels so good he just keeps saying thank you thank you so much thank you so much and she comes
00:47:58
so fast she comes so fast you don't say that what do you say to him you don't say [ __ ] huh you're not saying anything a
00:48:04
little brandon no no shut the [ __ ] up little brandon yeah see he likes it i do
00:48:10
yeah but um who do you think of the bad friends family has the weirdest uh
00:48:15
the most uh surprising sex stuff now pete pete pete is just a he's a
00:48:22
good-hearted bear see that's why i think he's just i think he's a [ __ ] freak because of that
00:48:27
because you don't right hey dude do you power [ __ ] or what sometimes yeah oh [ __ ] yeah yeah
00:48:35
yeah what about fancy you think it's a bit you think it's fancy vanilla here's what i think about fancy yeah here's jen have you guys ever
00:48:42
seen you know the porn star small hands yeah yeah does this one thing there's one move he does that absolutely drives
00:48:49
me wild and i swear to god when i look at andres i'm like this is what he does yeah he tears he doesn't tear he doesn't
00:48:55
ever take the panties off right he rips the [ __ ] part of the panty and he creates a hole
00:49:01
wow this is the wrong day to bring my students here no this is a great day yeah they're all in college yeah they're
00:49:07
doing all this [ __ ] up [ __ ] he rips it so he's a ripper he's a ripper yeah look at little ripper he has
00:49:13
never taken a penny off in his life he rips it he doesn't know how but he rips it carefully because he's going to sew it back up because he wants to save the
00:49:19
underwear right he does it carefully right so then later after she's naked after he comes
00:49:25
right yeah he's just in the corner of the room just sewing it back up
00:49:34
yeah speaking of victoria's secret i don't know if we should talk about it because we might no no i already know
00:49:40
what you're saying and we can't talk about it but let's try no i'll tell you why we can't talk about it because we can try i know are you let me prove to
00:49:47
our audience that we're not just sex and poo and grow stuff we can talk about something adult and not be mean or
00:49:52
[ __ ] up all right but can i just say this right we will talk about it but um before we talk about it
00:49:59
when i first saw the first photo i saw right how did you feel
00:50:05
maybe we shouldn't talk about it i need you to talk about it i am in the
00:50:11
dark about this i don't know what's happening all right so let's let's say it so we all know uh yeah so victoria's
00:50:16
secret hired their first down syndrome uh underwear model okay okay so uh get
00:50:23
to get the first picture pete [ __ ] pete yeah the second one zoom that out or i mean make it big so we can all look
00:50:29
at it okay i'm being honest and i'm not being mean
00:50:34
i'm just saying the first thought was amazing tits i mean holy [ __ ] she have amazing perfect tits
00:50:40
beats nodding and then the second thought was she's [ __ ] beautiful but the weird
00:50:46
thing is they make you feel weird because they put it out they don't make you feel weird no no i'm saying the headline the articles the articles are
00:50:52
like uh down syndrome underwear model shows all and i think you're on to something they're baiting you they are
00:50:58
baiting you if they were to just put it out there ask this girl without announcing it yeah that's the way to do
00:51:03
it if i saw that right i would be like oh yes i'd be like oh she's hot she's hot yeah
00:51:10
but they're doing this bait thing where they go oh you oh you liked her yeah oh she has down syndrome how do you feel now and you're like well i did that
00:51:16
wasn't i you now you make me feel like bad about even thinking about it and
00:51:21
that's [ __ ] up and also can i say this if i saw that i went oh wow beautiful you know i joke after it right i calm
00:51:28
right sure and then later i read you know man she has down syndrome i'm not gonna put the [ __ ] back into my penis oh
00:51:34
so i wouldn't feel bad about it why would i i don't understand so i i know why they're doing it they're saying hey
00:51:39
this is the first time it's happened this should have happened before inclusion great great but also
00:51:46
this is a tough thing to talk about man i don't know why you would bring this off it's such a it's like when i saw it because it's interesting as [ __ ] yeah
00:51:53
can we talk about camilla what camilla the russian skater oh who
00:51:58
she [ __ ] got caught cheating and then she fell every time and then she fell on all her routines yeah don't you think
00:52:04
they made her fall i couldn't stop thinking about that she fell on every and you know what what's his name said
00:52:09
what johnny weir goes that's the worst i've ever seen her skate in didn't she land like five quads just before that
00:52:15
yes so why would she fall so much because she's 15 no no bobby because she
00:52:20
was in she was so [ __ ] up in her head about what had happened to her that's what i'm saying she's 15 the pressures
00:52:28
it's not pressure first of all she feels terrible that it's that it's over i think she's like
00:52:33
this is over i'm [ __ ] no she did let's just hear me out okay don't get angry
00:52:38
okay all right not gonna not gonna she's 15 years old right she's skating for the roc right the reason why
00:52:45
they're called the rc is why because they cheated they cheated before right in sochi or whatever right
00:52:50
so now she has a drug test that says positive right the the olympics in itself is pressure because she's like
00:52:56
one of the best ones she's expected to get goals she's the best she's the best yeah right and then um
00:53:02
she's like that little ching chung that won for us nathan chen that nathan ching chung chan that it was
00:53:09
his that's his big nickname by the way yeah ching chong i think you're in love with him you do love him i love him so much bring
00:53:16
up a picture of this beautiful nathan chen is so [ __ ] talented is his middle name for real yeah well that's my
00:53:21
nickname this guy is this guy [ __ ] oh my god
00:53:28
i just made you [ __ ] you just came look at your penis yeah
00:53:33
yeah look at how big your penis is now this dude right here is [ __ ] a prodigy he's the man he is the man but
00:53:40
he's a boy right how old is this guy he's a boy what the [ __ ] how old is he he's 20. that's so funny they're so
00:53:45
young but they're so unbelievably talented what did you think you're gonna do a racial joke what well he's asian so
00:53:50
he looks younger oh something i know i mean you guys all look amazingly young for your age thank you not you
00:53:56
look at him right there god look at that oh look at that why do they take those pictures and why do they publish them
00:54:01
why do we need to see that he's such a he's such a handsome dude they didn't need to put that one out there yeah you know what the [ __ ] are
00:54:08
you doing wire image you couldn't this couldn't be one that you tossed
00:54:13
like during the kill session everybody knows when you get photos there's a kill session why did this go what if it's a beginning photographer
00:54:20
and he's his first time right he's so nervous right and then he that's the only good
00:54:25
one that they got right and they're like i guess [ __ ] man uh yeah super talented what do you think
00:54:31
about eileen goo eileen goo eileen goo she's the girl that wrote for china but she's american what do you think about
00:54:37
that i don't know well you got to have an opinion she's born and raised here i don't want to raise it
00:54:43
from the bay area snowboarder she's from look at her gorgeous beautiful she's a model she's so [ __ ] talented she's
00:54:49
beautiful she rides for china because her mother is chi mom is chinese nominee mom is chinese but she's born and raised
00:54:55
in america and she rides for china there's a lot of controversy you when you mix asian sometimes with white white
00:55:01
is great white is right look what it did bless you white is right look what it did
00:55:06
white is right look what it did and when you're when you're a purebred like you not a sagud
00:55:14
we need a little bit of mixing i think chen is hot this the point i'm making is racial mixing is [ __ ] great i'm being
00:55:21
positive i'm pro-racial mixing so eileen goo snowboarder phenomenal but she's
00:55:26
writing for china bob but chyna and her both won't answer her citizenship because you cannot have dual
00:55:31
citizenship for china she'd have to relinquish her american citizenship legally
00:55:37
and then become a chinese resident and her quote was pretty political she said something to the effect of when i'm in
00:55:42
china i'm chinese when i'm in america when i'm in america i'm an american but i i identify with both nationalities
00:55:50
because of my my background i think
00:55:56
give it a try you trained in america yeah you used our facilities
00:56:02
yeah and now you're gonna write for the chinese oh yeah yeah it's [ __ ] up yeah
00:56:08
you can't train here okay did she get into the american team she probably didn't and she was like i'll go to the
00:56:13
channel wrong she's the best she can get better than troy the the the korean girl different event this is skiing this is
00:56:20
um oh this is snowboarding no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no elena i mean she's skiing yeah chloe kim is a snowboarder right but but
00:56:27
who got her into skiing her immigrant chinese her immigrant chinese mom
00:56:32
who moved to america to give her a good life yeah and they grew up in the bay area and then she
00:56:38
trained in i think it was in tahoe tahoe and then guess what what you're a married
00:56:46
yeah yeah you can't do right for i just think it's not right i think that's not fair because then you can say that about
00:56:51
[ __ ] i can say i identify if i spent every summer in ireland and my grandfather be like oh i'm irish she's like wow well i
00:56:58
honestly i have fantasies about i really have fantasies about this about eileen goo no about me being an athlete in the
00:57:05
olympics what would you play oh no high trump yeah can you imagine i could watching
00:57:11
you in a long distance that i could high jump with the pole better than you can
00:57:18
my bank account my literal bank account how much oh all of it all of it literally all of it 100
00:57:24
no let's make
00:57:39
the pole this you holding the pole you get a telephone pole yeah find a facility not now but i have a fantasy of
00:57:45
being a high jumper right and i trained in america and then korea is like
00:57:50
we don't have anybody to do that right and you're the guy and me going on
00:57:56
the phone what the [ __ ] you say speak english dude or whatever you don't mean an [ __ ] yeah and then i'd be like i will join you i think i would [ __ ]
00:58:03
high jump for korea you would yeah i love being who i am and i love the korean you're a san diego
00:58:09
boy yeah you're a little san diego [ __ ] boy you're brandon you're a little brandon
00:58:17
there he is scared you are scared who's that girl over there
00:58:24
keep going yeah what is your character name when he's brandon do you have one i think i'm like adult susan or something
00:58:30
like that susan or no it's always a last name like mrs gibson
00:58:35
oh miss gibson new mississippi oh she's married and what about mr gibson what's he up to he's watching
00:58:41
oh yeah don't stop now what do we think fancy fantasy is because he won't tell us
00:58:50
you would say was he korean no i could not even i said honey honey yamaha you said that like that honey i'm
00:58:56
home that's him okay honey yeah right and she's like uh what'd she
00:59:02
say i don't even know what his wife's oh she's beautiful by the way she's gorgeous she sounds like this first of all can i say something
00:59:08
when i saw his wife i swear to god i did
00:59:14
not believe it yeah i did not it was like what do you think
00:59:20
it is with fancy that she likes so much it's not those shirts it's definitely the shirts
00:59:26
you think it is yeah by the way translucent skin we don't say translucent oh so sorry
00:59:32
about that and the thing about fancy is that he brought his students to the show today yeah
00:59:38
and they used to seriously respect him
00:59:43
right he's their [ __ ] teacher and now can i can we bring one student to stand
00:59:49
here i need to ask them a question what did anyone volunteer who's the leader of the group oh what a cutie we got a cute ear do you
00:59:56
know what this guy's name is well you got to get him on the phone yeah get him down camera no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no yeah just stand
01:00:02
right here in the middle of the room stand in the middle look at this cutie what's what don't get too close kneel
01:00:07
down yeah kneel down kneel down kneel down so they can see you they're right thank you this is funny yeah yeah
01:00:13
you know what this kid's name is yes look at me francisco no you won't believe you don't
01:00:18
know let me just give you guys yeah it's me andrew no what his name is that's his first name
01:00:25
yeah yeah so let me ask you something my friend right do you go to like
01:00:30
devry oh my god or no just let me ask you that do you go what school let me ask you what class are you taking is it like for
01:00:37
like what is he teaching fancy what
01:00:55
okay he knows about that let me tell you something yeah according to these young
01:01:01
students yeah he is the best they are in love with this guy
01:01:06
is yell out loud is fancy the best can you see this
01:01:11
these kids respect this man they love him they think he's got the answer you know what the funniest part is bob
01:01:18
he works for us [Laughter] we can fire him yeah at any moment and
01:01:23
they would lose all this respect for him yeah he's not he doesn't even work for us he's our slave slave these are little
01:01:29
slaves let me say something about santino can i look at me beautiful eyes look at those beady
01:01:35
little eyes he is a pretty boy right now santino look at that look at him look at the fresh skin stare at him santino
01:01:41
don't break it look at my skin my my bro i'm your elder i'm 50.
01:01:46
i'm asian too respect me dude look at me right now you have soft angelic skin
01:01:53
and there's a really nice you know are you a virgin oh don't be crazy don't
01:01:59
be greedy let me laugh perfect i want to say something about i want to say something about let me say
01:02:04
something about your teacher okay i
01:02:09
whatever i do from now on right whatever project i do i want him
01:02:15
involved in everything that i do that's how much i respect him he really
01:02:20
is um just one in a million and um yeah man he's a good dude so
01:02:26
congratulations let me tell you what i feel about him the moment
01:02:32
and i mean this the moment this show is over bob and i quit the show
01:02:39
i will never underline never speak to that piece of [ __ ] ever
01:02:46
i'll block his [ __ ] number he'll see me in the street hey andrew i will just look the other [ __ ] way i want
01:02:52
nothing to do with that pig and he direct he's a great director he's
01:02:57
a piece he directed [ __ ] a sketch for me dude like 10 years ago they got like six
01:03:02
views on youtube wow he's phenomenal all right you can go back and sit with me thank you santino
01:03:10
you're the man he's a good dude right he's cute i like him he's a cutie patootie when i say cutie it's not a you
01:03:15
know i mean i just think that he's got a good energy that's all yeah but it does have you're it yeah
01:03:20
it's a little how old is he santino how old are you 19. yeah it's a little weird
01:03:27
sorry about that pete brought us something pete i'll i'll try it out with bob to see what he says pete brought us a can
01:03:35
pete want you know pete like games pete wants us to do games yeah what is it it's a what-if game all right so this is
01:03:41
for kala and bobby together let's see what if you had to dress each other for
01:03:47
the insurrection oh what would we drink what would we dress what would we do for you that's a really good one what's your insurrection outfit what would you do
01:03:53
for me how would you dress me up for the insurrection you yeah what i would do you have to dress
01:03:59
me i have to dress kaleila right so what i would do is put eyeliner yeah yeah so i want you to have like a
01:04:05
robert smith cura vibe sick right yeah black cure wig yeah right yeah and then
01:04:10
i would want like um what's that movie with um angelina jolie magnificent
01:04:16
magnificent maleficent maleficent yeah that black leathery with the you know i mean
01:04:22
you're gonna look like venom oh that's so sick yeah i got like a slick yeah black yeah leathery thing
01:04:28
right i'm showing up high eyeliner right and then your your speakers right oh guess what it's
01:04:34
playing dashboard confessional emo you're gonna emo right but right you
01:04:40
have a belt right and you've got like um you're gonna really [ __ ] things up i've
01:04:45
got guns you got guns explosives you're giving me everything and then you break in and then you go to nancy pelosi's
01:04:51
office what do i do in there right and what you do is you you you you kick the desk
01:04:58
yeah you go [ __ ] you man [ __ ] you your pants
01:05:04
you see your pants and he pops up yes sir yeah what would i dress like uh i would put you in one of those i
01:05:10
would try to dress you in every single racist stereotype that i could find i
01:05:16
want you wearing a rice paddy hat i want you wearing a karate outfit i want you wearing
01:05:22
what that's what they like and so what
01:05:27
i want you wearing i need to need teenage mutant turtles yeah uh i'm dressed like
01:05:33
and you have sizes thousands of different asians raphael obviously you have those shoes that the
01:05:39
divide the feet divide yeah but they have you have socks and the and they're little wooden bottoms are my
01:05:44
feet binded they're bound right your feet are bound i probably have an accent a hundred percent and so i'm probably
01:05:50
i'm probably going where mitch mcconnell bigger or bigger and even bigger
01:05:58
[Music] perfect right yeah and that's how i want you to be yeah yeah because they would
01:06:03
love that they would get a kick out of this guy yeah look at wang over here that's what they would say i'm dressing
01:06:08
you for those guys so funny would they not light him on fire 100 that's why i'm doing it i'm just sending him in his
01:06:14
bait how would we dress kalila for it you know would be better if you dressed me like elaine chao
01:06:21
oh mitch mcconnell's wife very smart right so i'm coming in right excuse me i woke
01:06:27
up here can i see her by the way yeah she might look like you yeah yeah so i'm dressed
01:06:33
as elaine chow right this is mitch mccollough's wife there we go
01:06:39
can i be 100 seriously your hair looks exactly like that right now
01:06:45
exactly you don't have to do much no seriously that's you i shave my mustache hello excuse i go to my office
01:06:51
right i'll do the walk she walks like that
01:06:58
insane with your kitten heels you have a kitten and then what i would do is i just
01:07:03
put down a briefcase open up and it the whole thing went
01:07:09
yeah you'll do it dress up dress kaleila for the insurrection by the way oh god yeah
01:07:16
she's too deep what if bobby had a six-pack i would have you ever [ __ ] him again you
01:07:22
would never [ __ ] him again if he got in shape he would never if i suck in my stomach you can see the packs
01:07:28
let me see what do you think like the outlines of where the packs used to be no they're there it's just under a lot of fat you know you take a beer out of a
01:07:34
six-pack and they're still and it's like they're still the ring don't suck in let it go do you see any but let it go right now
01:07:41
yeah i mean suck as hard as you can now one two three suck now jump up and down
01:07:48
it's not jiggling too much now put let it out wait no no did you see any packs i saw a suggestion
01:07:54
of one i saw like a
01:08:01
suggestion i saw like a an apparition i saw i saw a ghost of an ab
01:08:08
i used to be here a ghostly ab that used to be there you
01:08:14
go um here's what here's what i want to apologize to the kids kids this this this podcast
01:08:21
was supposed to be i just got out of rehab sunday right it was going to be me you know talk about like
01:08:27
you know how we feel and this and that and because these kids are here right i felt like we had to do this i just want
01:08:34
to apologize no you know man don't okay they loved it did you guys like it
01:08:39
is there a camera on those kids all right so i want you guys to sign us off and say thank you for being a bad friend on the count of three all together okay
01:08:47
one two three that's great
01:08:54
[Music]
