00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:07
are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends i want to break free i want to break free i want to break free from my life and i
00:00:21
don't know what to do no more i want to break free god oh my god how was it you had fun i went out to texas it was
00:00:36
good i know it was so fun so good it was so fun addison is great yeah do they still have my photo up on the
00:00:41
hallway i took it down joe coy's up there now i act i actually asked i said i said uh
00:00:47
is bob in the hallway and she then she goes it's joe coy's up there now no joko was always there they had another photo of
00:00:54
me out there it's another one of jokoy so they have two oh [ __ ] well i have to get back there
00:01:00
then they said they miss you it's been too long yeah that's literally what they can't really take my photo off i don't know we're gonna have to go back
00:01:05
and do something do they take my photo you're gonna go back and see you're gonna break my heart i i didn't do it because i know that three weeks
00:01:11
ago some other comic was there and they said that my photo was still up there uh something changed oh something
00:01:17
changed because i i did not it was not up there joe coy had two up there and and ralphie mae was up there
00:01:24
and oh and he's well he takes up a whole wall it's a whole wall yeah yeah it's one side he takes up a whole wall so my photos on
00:01:31
my kid's been good we were missing you did you miss me yeah we were missing you i missed you
00:01:36
guys um i sent you a video on stage i facetimed you on stage all the addison crew
00:01:41
by the way the number one question i got asked on the road at the very end because i said no meet and greets we can do a little q a
00:01:48
and people the number one question hands down was is rudy leaving i [ __ ] you not well
00:01:55
i have an update for you yes she said to me the other day and it was a little confusing she goes
00:02:02
yeah here she goes um i don't think i think i'm gonna do um community college and i go really for two years and i go why because i
00:02:15
want to stay on the bad planes did you really say that rude he asked me first where i was going and then i said
00:02:21
i was thinking of going to community college well you know at the end of the day though look what you get all right you don't okay so eighty thousand instagram you follow me
00:02:33
to sleep okay you get to sleep on the hill which is so so nice you know people of
00:02:40
your stature and age and color well that's i should have led with that yeah you know people of your color they don't get to sleep on the hill yeah on the
00:02:51
in the hill you know i had to i had to write a letter to gavin newsom i wrote a letter to gavin i got mr mayor
00:02:57
was it governor it's either or either yeah a governor of new zealand yeah i call him newsie you don't know
00:03:07
i said um listen i have um a half human right quarter maybe yeah quarter human quarter hume um and half a quarter other i don't know what i didn't know what to say
00:03:19
uh and then i said um she's from the an island she's going to be living can she live he goes no no we don't have those in the hills i get that and i go please and i said why don't i go up to
00:03:32
sacramento because sorry it was at the time oh yeah right i'll suck your dick do you offer that to gov yeah i'll suck
00:03:38
your dick to get and right you know what i sucked his dick you did it at his winery i sucked gavin newsom
00:03:44
you went to his wineries yes and you had a little chablis sibley so he got he they got a de-alkalized
00:03:50
de-glockalized one declaration right but they took out the alcohol yeah they took me out and then you you asked the dz's i said so she could live in the hills yeah and then i said well also i wanted
00:04:02
coffee so give me some coffee you can put your cream in there right so gavin went right into the
00:04:09
coffee i drank it after sucking his dick right and he goes i will allow her to live in
00:04:14
the hills so that's number one i did for you that's so number two you have your own bedroom she doesn't have her own
00:04:20
bathroom though she does what yeah i don't even have my own bathroom you have your own bathroom your own
00:04:25
shower you have your own shower yeah yeah how many people did you have to share a shower with when you're in the philippines
00:04:31
70 87 80 right jesus right so let me ask you this too um wow how much do you pay rent zero yeah exactly wait a minute wait a minute zero zero zero zero zero yeah well okay that
00:04:46
aside what about like electric bills or internet or television or all that zero zero okay that aside what about
00:04:52
like taxes you know like property taxes which are very very very expensive zero zero okay so what about like food or
00:04:58
stocking the home with all sorts of miscellaneous stuff like toilet paper or paper towels i sometimes buy she'll get mcdonald's
00:05:04
she'll buy she'll buy mcdonald's yeah she'll buy mcdonald's sometimes okay you but you button seven eleven seven eleven she'll get no big baller big baller wait sev what do you get from
00:05:16
7-eleven for the house chips chips for the house or chips for you for me okay so again this doesn't add up to the
00:05:22
total of my vegetables what vegetables are you buying here's another thing that she does that drives
00:05:29
me crazy broccoli i'll go like how much is broccoli go ahead i'll i'll go to her i'll go um
00:05:34
hey um i'm going to order dinner for myself i'm going to go to morton's right yeah do you want me to order you
00:05:40
something and she always goes no you could just do it on your own i'm just going to eat you know what i mean
00:05:46
whatever you know i mean it doesn't take my but she could be having states meat and potatoes you could have
00:05:52
steak you could have filet mignon yeah yeah you don't want it no no why it's wasteful
00:05:58
yeah i just want eggs that's all she eats you just want eggs she eats eggs and rice and that's all she eats all day what'd you have for breakfast eggs no what do you have to just know three no
00:06:11
breakfast eggs a four-day-old pizza and then for lunch the pizza from where for the uh
00:06:19
leftovers vetoes oh vetos you've been there on los angeles so good so good right it's so good wait a minute
00:06:26
you said you're not eating pizza anymore didn't we have didn't you talk about this you did i eat it did you break your rules i know i never had a rule like
00:06:32
that you told me you're going to stop eating deeply so this is what i did and then you stopped and bro bro this is what i did what so friday night
00:06:37
right was great because the girls went out to vegas really yeah where did you guys stay uh
00:06:44
mario jw marriott right you know what jw stands for what jew john wicked john wickett john wick john wick marriott yeah so sponsored so
00:06:56
the girls go out to vegas all weekend so guess what i did eight this is my party i went to veto's got a large meatball pizza
00:07:08
mushrooms and then i went to the comedy store oh wait that's right it was open yeah how was it hung out backstage hung
00:07:15
out with tiana and a bunch of people running a zizzi did it feel weird what did it feel weird no it felt
00:07:21
totally normal good really it felt so good and then saturday night they were out so i went you know what i'll call little
00:07:27
david spady up mm-hmm so he goes come to this you know he does come to this when you take him out of his um
00:07:33
jack-in-the-box do you have to crank it or is he already he's already out of the box because the box is in his house
00:07:38
oh yeah he lives in the box at home does he have an assistant no no what happens is you go there right
00:07:44
you know it's shaped like a um circus it's shaped like a desperate loneliness it's like a ten single guy
00:07:50
it's like a red white tent right and you go in and then there's the bearded lady who he's had sex with that's his what is
00:07:57
that what is that his housemate person house person house that's his house house person and i go hello harry that's safe hi yeah all
00:08:04
right and i go is uh can i can i wind up the box can i get him out of the box and he goes go ahead it's a huge lever
00:08:17
he comes out right and um he goes um hey patty hey buddy and then um that's how it works but then uh did you go hang out at his house no no he he goes i'm go i'm at at
00:08:29
restaurants called something in essex something in essex i don't know what it's called
00:08:35
that's okay and i go um who you going with he goes tim dillon yeah so i go oh i was good just calling you because you can't go could i come
00:08:46
right you can but i didn't but you didn't want to feel that way i didn't feel that way so i go i was gonna
00:08:52
you know see if i'm alone you know what i mean yeah he goes ah that's how he's in the text which means come on come on he goes here it is
00:09:04
so i go there and um i'm going to get in trouble for saying this but please it was like
00:09:12
an mtv music video shoot why it was one of those places where there's a rope there's a gigantic black man wearing wearing a suit
00:09:24
yes he's got dreads he's a bouncer sunk i don't call him that what do you call a greeter uh he's a greeter sorry he's a
00:09:30
bouncer yeah shouldn't say that you are yeah what you want right right um yeah because i haven't been out in a while hey man i know you no i was wearing the mask oh he couldn't see it i go you think i'm scorpion huh
00:09:45
[Laughter] he goes no he goes get over here yeah love you and hangover [Laughter] the way you popped out of that trunk man yeah so then i i and it was like
00:09:57
people going hi um we've been out here for an hour it's like that oh yeah it was crazy i don't like that right and then they're like um yo little man
00:10:07
step to the side to me i almost left wait so you just got shuffled a lot i got shoved outside and this other guy
00:10:14
another uh older you know older black say it older black guys who have like little things in their ears what does that even mean they have little things in their ears earbuds something they're talking to
00:10:28
somebody like cia has oh you me yeah like like he works there no there was another guy he was just
00:10:33
like talking no he was trying to get in he goes yeah you know who i am oh bluetooth headset yeah you know who i
00:10:39
am right right right he's i don't know you man right and it was that kind of and then a bunch of women and then some woman
00:10:46
goes asian lady goes tommy to you yes because people say that all the time why tom do you think i'm they think tommy and bobby are the same it's so then i have to go no it's bobby oh
00:11:00
yeah excuse me yeah bobby and she loved you right so i called spade i'm not saying
00:11:07
okay right he's like just say my name right so i go david space i have no contact no kind of demonstrating oh you're with david spade yeah i go yeah they bring me right deep
00:11:21
dude it was great they push all these the guy with the thing gets rushed to the side
00:11:26
all the girls with the the little you know the coochies hanging out all the time coochie's hanging out but it wasn't nice
00:11:34
um i have to say the girls were on vacation i did a couple of glancing glances and it's like uh ninety percent like uh it'll just music video people who
00:11:53
else famous was there no one else really yeah are you covering up no no one else cause it feels like famous
00:11:59
people no one else i don't i don't know anybody maybe there's a demographic of famous
00:12:04
people there that i don't know who do you think would be there the my pillow guy maybe no no there's no way you don't think
00:12:10
he's my pillow guy is more of a boa kind of a guy [Laughter] trying to get laid yeah that guy's insane my pillow is a boa guy well i had a little famous experience in texas because pat mahomes
00:12:22
who you don't know came to see me i love patmo homes who is basketball yeah what sport what a sport
00:12:27
okay basketball what team mavericks he does play for the dallas mavericks what position i don't know well guess center forward
00:12:34
center forward pat mahone's center for the dallas mavericks came to see me do stand-up comedy is that dagger right he's a football player for
00:12:40
the kansas city chiefs i know you did i was like oh my god i'm good yeah that was no he's a quarterback for the kansas chiefs he won the um he won the super bowl he came to see me and then we went out
00:12:53
and you'll get you maybe get this one yeah this is how this is how dope it was we go out and then i'm like oh this is
00:12:58
incredible then he's like we want to go out out and i was like we're already out like it's we're already out he's like yeah no
00:13:03
we're going out right they're younger than us they're way young you forget these are 25. is he a fan of whiskey ginger he met me
00:13:12
through i know travis kelsey who's also a kansas city chief uh and um we became friends and he came and
00:13:18
saw me when me and rogan were in kansas city four years ago and he was like i gotta see when you come to dallas because that's where he lives
00:13:24
so anyway we go out out again and then you'll love this ezekiel elliott was there you know he
00:13:30
plays for the detroit lions yes and what position running back yes he does yes he does
00:13:38
yes he does you dig am i close actually you're much closer this time which one is ella plays for the dallas mavericks
00:13:46
no the sport was right the first time i don't know dallas cowboys yes yeah yeah and he's running line jacked linebacker no you had it right running back yeah
00:13:58
okay yeah are you being real mm-hmm no what does it do i swear to god okay look it up
00:14:03
um and he was there and and everyone was so cool and so rich and you know how like um and
00:14:09
they threw money everyone was throwing money yeah i picked some up what do you mean they were you know
00:14:15
they're they're making it rain yeah yeah yeah yeah i picked up something you know i always i do that i think i'm not gonna pick up the money yeah why did
00:14:21
you throw the money when they when i'm at a wedding they throw rice i do the same thing no i do because i'm like you're wasting
00:14:27
all this rice right so i'll just add a little scooper and i scoop the rice up right and then i'll go to my hotel room or
00:14:32
wherever and i'll make the rice you know what i mean bobby's so good so good no yeah i did i scooped up the money like like a chump yeah because
00:14:39
it's the mo it's money dude there was 20 bills on the ground yeah yeah i don't think you did that if it i swear i swear scouts honor if i
00:14:46
look if it was singles i'm not picking them up yeah there was a couple 20s and 10s in there let's give a little money
00:14:52
what am i gonna you know yeah how am i gonna tip the uber guy you know it's funny when you're around
00:14:57
because i'm always the guy to pay for you mean like when they're like at my level
00:15:03
with the people that i'm with and my my group right there right i'm always the one to
00:15:09
pay but it's like what i love about going out with like people that are above me don't have to pay because you don't have to pay it's so nice yeah like when spade
00:15:17
always like he's already paid for before he doesn't have a choice he should pay yeah he should pay because he's got the
00:15:22
most but then you have to say like i looked at him right and i go hey buddy just want to let you know next time and i said i see this i see this every time i eat with them
00:15:34
i've said it probably 50 times next time next time it's on me pal because don't worry about it
00:15:40
i'm telling you you know because i don't want him to think that that's why i'm going out with him but it is partially 100 yeah
00:15:48
100 i like free meals yeah they took care of the bill yeah it was incredible the guy who's with me chris he lost his phone in an uber and he got it two days
00:15:54
later could you be without your phone for two days no two days i'd be dead two days and i would be dead the guy by the way
00:16:01
the guy the guy that we had to get the uber the uber driver that we had to get the phone back from this text conversation is insane so i
00:16:07
get it we get his number off the app i call we report a missing phone the guy picks up that night i remember he was very like
00:16:15
it was like he was like had the pixies on his huge afro and he was like oh you guys like this song man and we're like yeah and he goes
00:16:21
it's [ __ ] groove dude it's [ __ ] groove that's what the uber garage yeah yeah
00:16:26
yeah yeah he was cool as [ __ ] he was high as a kite yeah so so of course this guy he said it's this is [ __ ] groove
00:16:32
man oh i've never heard that neither have i this guy he was an alien yeah yeah so then of course my friend
00:16:38
chris o'connor who opens for me he was incredible he he left his phone in the car
00:16:43
dead chris o'connor dropped his phone in the uber so then we call this guy this groove off the app yeah right this should
00:16:50
answer the phone he's like what's up and i was like hey man we've been pinging the phone you know you can like ping you can send them it'll go to know
00:16:56
what's lost yeah like we've been pinging the phone i guess i heard that i go we called it like six times he goes
00:17:02
i heard that too i was like you didn't want to pick it up and he goes yeah man i i was gonna get around to it and i was like okay cool
00:17:12
where are you so we can get the we can get the phone and he goes i'm at my house and then
00:17:18
chris is on his computer you know you can track my phone oh he's not at his house he's driving around all over the place
00:17:24
i was like uh can we meet your location he goes nah let's do it tomorrow i'm like but
00:17:31
you have my friend's phone he's like i know i'm busy man i was like oh okay these guys can i just
00:17:38
set up a schedule so we can get the phone from you we'll give you money that's why i'll pay we'll pay you money yeah he goes cool check it tomorrow
00:17:45
call me i wake up around three and i go i'm used to that yeah and he goes uh and you can meet me
00:17:51
wherever i am fine this [ __ ] guy i want to eat this dude i get up in the morning yeah
00:17:57
we do a whole day i don't text until two just to see if maybe he got up early yeah 2 p.m i text
00:18:04
no response 3 o'clock rolls around he goes yo beautiful day outside took my bike out and i was like
00:18:11
do you have the phone with you on a bike ride i love this guy he's he's giving information
00:18:17
but very don't need yeah but very and very vague too he took the bike out yeah yeah i don't know what he was i
00:18:23
said you take the phone with you he goes at the house and he goes check it meet me at this address
00:18:29
when i secure barbecue we'll exchange the phone when i secure barbecue that means lunch
00:18:34
for them yeah when he gets barbecued we can have the phone oh wow okay so i'm working on barbecue right now uh-huh so we take this we take a car all
00:18:42
the way out to you're taking another uber another uber to an uber guy's house took a [ __ ] uber to an uber guy's
00:18:48
house yeah yeah so we get to this [ __ ] house yeah he comes outside he answers the phone and then chris
00:18:54
didn't want to he at first was like i'm gonna give him money but then he was like this guy made it so [ __ ] hard yeah should we even give him some money
00:19:00
yeah and chris hands the guy the money and he takes the money because i think he's like 20 bucks or something like that he takes the money like it wasn't enough
00:19:06
he was like a hundred bucks well who pays it me yeah you're the headliner that's made paid for my meal but i paid for it you
00:19:22
paid you're no no so my my my opener loses his phone and i have to pay i paid for the uber to get us there i
00:19:28
took us out to the [ __ ] nightclubs to the food i pay for everything and let me say something okay yeah jade caterpillar opened for me in
00:19:35
florida somewhere and so we're done with the weekend this actually happened and i i and now i have a thing with my openers i go
00:19:46
the car picks us up at 7 00 a.m if you're not downstairs at 7 00 a.m it's gone i'm out because i don't like
00:19:52
being late to a flight yeah nobody yeah and i always call a little early i always say
00:19:57
if it's 7 30 i'll go just come at seven sure so it's seven in the morning i'm standing with all my [ __ ]
00:20:03
i'm in the you know i mean right right next to the car and she's nowhere and i just call her i was going to give her a farewell call but she out drinking
00:20:09
the latin the night before yeah because that's almost always what happened and she goes
00:20:16
crying yeah i know i got that yeah really well the way you do is acting good it was pretty good
00:20:22
pretty good acting i don't know what else that could have been something stuck in your throat maybe she's in pain
00:20:29
i slipped in the tub i hit my [ __ ] head yeah and i go i got to go to the airport
00:20:37
and i go what's the matter she's like i can't find my sunglasses i swear to god what yeah swear to god get in the [ __ ] get in the car right i want to say that what are you
00:20:49
talking about but i go i'll i'll get you new sunglasses i'll buy you the nicest pair of sunglasses
00:20:55
you've ever had no she's sent you know how do you have sentimental value not to sunglasses not to anything no it
00:21:02
means nothing no honestly no yeah yeah i have sentimental value when it comes to human beings people
00:21:08
yeah but if i lost a thing it's a thing yeah yeah it's maybe my car no all right but i'll be bummed we could
00:21:16
unlock my car we could have your car stolen right now yeah yeah you would not probably i would drive you home exactly yeah we'd
00:21:22
get a new car i get a new car yeah better hell bobo is there something interfering with your happiness yeah preventing you from achieving your goals look uh
00:21:32
bob and i have both spoken about this we are big proponents of the mental health help in this world and better
00:21:38
help is doing just that you can start communicating in under 48 hours the best it's like it's so easy yeah
00:21:43
under 40 and it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online there's a broad range of
00:21:49
expertise available it may not be locally available in your area but the service is available for clients worldwide it's so easy guys log into
00:21:56
your account at any time send a message to your counselor you'll get timely and thoughtful responses look we both use this
00:22:02
i i am a big believer in this in getting help and also better help is great because it's uh cheaper than traditional offline
00:22:08
counseling you don't have to go to some uncomfortable room in a doctor's office with fluorescent lights beaming down on you
00:22:14
and uh magazines you don't want to read visit their website and read their testimonials that are posted daily okay now yeah
00:22:20
betterhelp wants you to start living a happier life today go to betterhelp.com bad friends that's
00:22:25
better help join the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional
00:22:31
this podcast is sponsored by better help and bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com
00:22:36
bad friends hello you just used it i just used it and i i came into the room i go
00:22:43
that stream is so it's beautifully powerful right in there and it cleans it all out
00:22:49
and i just pat dry it the fact that people don't have bidets at home look it used to be expensive fancy i understand
00:22:55
fancy probably has had a real bidet from you know from francis japanese been using it for years that you do a fancy japanese
00:23:01
i love that i love them dude when i went i would yeah it had music on the side and everything the thing warms your eyes and it warms
00:23:08
up your tongue and they're ahead of the [ __ ] [ __ ] game yeah they are but now in america we can finally get your own now in your house for for not thousands of
00:23:15
dollars you get a hello tushy 3.0 modern bidet attachment it just links on to your current toilet you don't have to do anything you don't
00:23:21
have to add anything easy dude it's so simple me and bob did it and we are dumb yeah we're dumb
00:23:26
it cleans your butt like a champ gets all the little nooks and crannies out of your tush tush and every hello tushy bidet attachment
00:23:32
comes with a 60-day risk-free guarantee and a 12-month warranty guys that's insane there's no electricity no extra
00:23:37
plumbing or tech support you don't need any of that stuff and you use uh uh it cuts toilet paper use by 80
00:23:44
so it pays for herself in a few months um it's incredible hey bob does your dad already have a hello tushie on his toilet no he's
00:23:50
he passed away my dad doesn't have one uh you can blow him away with an upgrade to the new hello tissue 3.0 if he's new
00:23:57
to the revolution have him join millions of happy hello touchy customers right now for a clean butt with every flush
00:24:03
do it give the gift of clean butt go to hellotushy.com bad friends to get ten percent off plus
00:24:10
free shipping special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com bad friends for ten percent off
00:24:15
hello my uncle felipe he got me the sunglasses three years ago he right now has stomach cancer or whatever
00:24:29
i want oh my god felipe yeah and i go bye i mean what do you want from me what can i do so she comes down she's crying yeah uh with her stuff yeah six bags you were there for
00:24:44
two days yeah yeah i go how much were they the glasses it's my responsibility as an
00:24:50
as a headliner okay she goes 295 bucks and i got it i gave her to her okay i would do
00:24:56
the same i was gonna buy chris a new phone i didn't give it to her you did it [Laughter] oh here's another thing i just thought of another one another funny one was
00:25:07
when sophie and anwar same thing i go love 8 am right and i go and i i told him that i
00:25:14
go i swear to [ __ ] gotta leave he said dude i got you man i got you all right i show up i show up at the car
00:25:21
and i go he's not here make courtesy call he's coming down right now right well he's gonna come strap the bombs on
00:25:27
[Laughter] he comes down and he's like i'm ready man he's got like the shirt upside down inside out inside out his luggage clothes is sticking out of
00:25:40
the cracks hilarious right yeah it he it's like an 80s movie yeah like they're running
00:25:45
basically what happened was i called him he was asleep yeah he hadn't packed right he just
00:25:51
threw [ __ ] on right packed he probably left half his [ __ ] up there for sure oh yeah but you know what what i've done
00:25:58
that you have with rogan i've done that before yeah where it's like the hotel phone's like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and i'm like oh my god and i
00:26:05
just throw [ __ ] in the [ __ ] bag yeah yeah because i'm i always set my alarm but you know what the [ __ ] iphone sometimes it'll just
00:26:10
automatically set to pm instead of a.m yeah so it's set it's like oh set for 7 pm yeah so i'm i'm woken up by
00:26:16
it's mr santino there's a car downstairs mr brogan i'm like oh [ __ ] because i know joe is like
00:26:24
so anxious to go he's like where where's the [ __ ] oh he does that he wants to be so scared it's pretty right on the
00:26:29
nose with him yeah and i'm so precise with my time yeah so with him with that because because we had gone out in like
00:26:35
i don't know cleveland or some [ __ ] wherever the [ __ ] we were and we met up with jessie mae paluso i love her love and we were going out
00:26:41
and we weren't even staying late i just had a couple of drinks and we just we hung out we weren't even like going out we just hung out at the club
00:26:48
and then of course i go back and set the alarm wrong and he's he does this thing in the car look at you're me you're me when i get
00:26:54
in the car go ahead open the door i'm you yeah and i'm joe all right we're good to go oh that hurt what you just did there so the whole way to the airport i was going like this i would do this you know
00:27:08
you do this you go you go those are fun shows why do you even say anything because i
00:27:14
don't know what to do no i shut down i would shut down but that but then if you're too quiet then he's like
00:27:19
what's going on last night and then you have to go out when you went to the bed you sound like an idiot either way you're done you're done so and then that also that same day by the way
00:27:30
i got to drive you don't care but i got to drive a ferrari yeah a mclaren and a porsche because brady matthews
00:27:35
brother-in-law owns a big like fleet of beautiful cars and he let us drive him around and i felt like a little kid in a candy
00:27:41
store and i it's just so it was i felt so cool for a moment in time driving around a rari you know i'll never be able to
00:27:47
afford it it's half a million dollars a car that i was i drove a ferrari like uh four months ago where they
00:27:52
le in the opening scene of magnum pi that oh he drives a ferrari the opening shot
00:27:58
is they think it's magnum driving the ferrari but it's bobby but it's my character driving the first how far did
00:28:03
you get to go i spent six hours but i mean you're driving all over hawaii but were you driving and driving are you going
00:28:09
yeah yeah we would we they had cra you know i have to follow a truck and a crane that's what i mean right what well you can i was ripping around
00:28:16
but i had rehearsals as well before i mean i did it you did it okay do you know what kind of ferrari it was a red one
00:28:22
like in the show i don't [ __ ] know man well but there's a specific model 2 2 9 x 360. it was a 29x360
00:28:29
yeah let me wait a minute the 29360i or the f f that the fast one yeah yeah the good
00:28:34
one 29x360f look that up please look up ferrari 29x360f but can i tell you can i tell you
00:28:40
something i want to see i want to see what i was thinking about i might so when you're bringing up joe
00:28:45
rogan yeah i was thinking about um where it went wrong with him and i what you were thinking about what like what was the breaking point by the way is that the two knight of 360 right there the girl
00:28:56
that's what i wrote what went wrong with you that's what you wrote yeah i wrote the girl cool no um so um and joe could
00:29:02
joe will bring this up he won't deny it the story so when i was a dora man at the la jolla
00:29:08
comedy store yeah joe rogan was on this is before news radio before newsroom yeah so he was he was he
00:29:14
was a kid from boston but he was a headliner already yeah but he was like you do arnold schwarzenegger impressions he was a man
00:29:19
still then a real man he was like a black belt he was never a kid i think when he was born he was like
00:29:25
rogan yeah yeah right so he comes into town and he's like um i'm a doorman and afterwards he's like he was with a diaz too joey diaz and they go and joey and i knew each
00:29:37
other so joey goes hey uh take him to a strip club yeah so i take him to um girls girls girls no um body shop deja vu in san diego oh oh
00:29:49
this i'm sorry this is down south i was living in san diego right right deja vu is great yeah so we go there
00:29:54
at the airport right and i have no money right like i'm broke i i he paid for me to get in there
00:30:01
what do you think is in your bank account at the time zero i don't have one genuinely i generally did not have one what i would
00:30:06
do is i would take my paycheck and i would cash it at a cash check like western union yeah yeah
00:30:11
wow i was at that point in my life i am bob yeah and then i have to tell you this although there's another story that
00:30:19
happened but anyway because that sprung up another thing but um anyway i'm at the strip club
00:30:24
and i'm just sitting there i can't tip so i'm just sitting there but i want to act cool because it's joe rogan's there right right
00:30:31
so these gang members are sitting next to us always right and they go what the [ __ ]
00:30:38
you looking at to joe rogan ah she's like nothing buddy i'm just watching the show whatever what do you think i'm look there's naked
00:30:44
girls here yeah no but guess i guess you know what he was looking at them were they naked two
00:30:49
no just four naked gangs no they had like wife beaters tattoos on their neck but the wife eaters could you see their
00:30:54
nipples a little bit yeah yeah maybe and joe goes and they they get a spat like they're yelling at each other you kind of yeah and then i don't know why i did this come on papa
00:31:08
so the guys go hey [ __ ] you we'll be back to him yeah so they all leave to go to their cars [ __ ] joe turns to us and he goes let's get the [ __ ] out of
00:31:20
here yeah and i go what do you guys i said you said what do you guys what do you guys play no [ __ ] you said what are you
00:31:32
guys [ __ ] to joey diaz and rogan in a strip club yeah because four magazine gang members
00:31:38
went to their car yeah okay yeah what do you think they were gonna get a blanket for you
00:31:43
maybe it's like you know what they did to the american indians back in the day uh or something
00:31:50
i don't know you said what do you guys [ __ ] yeah what did he say he didn't talk to me for years after
00:31:56
that makes sense yeah yeah yeah yeah because you should have gone because i thought i was being tough you're not i know but i'm from there
00:32:03
what is that i'm just saying in my head at the time i'm like i'm from there you're from poway i know
00:32:08
but i'm from san diego the poway is in san diego i know but poway is not i know it's the suburbs yeah country club the whole thing yeah i know i don't
00:32:15
know what with my hands did those guys do you guys got the [ __ ] out of there did they come back in those guys
00:32:20
i stayed for a while because i drove my own car they those guys dipped yeah they dipped wow right because i couldn't i there's
00:32:27
no way i could afford to get in there right i didn't want to leave because i don't get to go in there right you're in you're in i'm in right
00:32:34
you can't leave right you know but then i was like how do i pay for the two drinks so i think that's why i left
00:32:40
did you get a job there eventually the dishwasher yeah oh so i would tell you this other thing
00:32:45
that happened all right so one morning so i lived right by the comedy store around on a street called gerard
00:32:51
oh i know yeah okay yeah and we live i lived in um what they call the ghetto of la jolla which is it's like a strip of houses right right that are just kind of worn down yeah and but it's
00:33:05
still not the ghetto it's pretty ghetto back then bob yeah yeah la jolla never had a ghetto
00:33:10
did they call it the why did they call it the ghetto of la jolla who's they i think i did yeah yeah
00:33:18
i think i did it's you right yeah so maya had this landlord named jeff he was like this bearded white man yeah and he'd always do he would do his garden in front of the
00:33:29
house that we were running right he was always there one day jeff knocks on the door and he goes bobby
00:33:35
yeah i go yeah this guy's here to see you so i go i look out and there's this man who kind
00:33:43
of looks like santa claus but he's got a long beard like zz top super tan right and the guy goes
00:33:52
what's up man i go i don't know you he goes bobby lee right i go yeah he goes i'm friend with jay schweikert who jay schweikert who was the manager
00:34:05
of this coffee shop that i worked at okay right so oh and he's like i am a photographer for surfing magazine man and i go cool i don't surf i i don't
00:34:19
believe this is what he says he goes check it out man i have a porsche and i back in your alleyway i parked it next to so my neighbor was name is linda he goes
00:34:32
i packed it in up you know linda i go yeah so in my car i had ten thousand dollars in cash and a
00:34:38
pound of weed what yes in the trunk yeah you're not a photographer you're a drug dealer right and he goes
00:34:44
it got towed man and i go oh and he goes if you help me get my car out i'll give you like a grand and some weed
00:34:55
i didn't smoke weed at the time i was it was i was in a a right but you could sell the weight so i go how much is the toe you guys 150 bucks i
00:35:03
had i just opened up a bank account i had 200 in there to my name so i'm like a grand
00:35:11
i mean the math is good yeah so all right get in my truck so i go to the i go to the atm
00:35:19
i pull out my last 200 bucks i give him the guy right he goes all right now go to the
00:35:25
towing place it's downtown so we drive on you know i mean the five all the way down all the way downtown
00:35:31
and we get off this off the freeway and there's this apartment complex to the left
00:35:37
he's like the towing places but my sister lives here that's what he says okay so i go your
00:35:42
sister lives there he goes yeah i just want to go say hi to her real quick why don't we just get your car first i
00:35:47
didn't with the ten thousand dollars in the weed yeah yeah yeah and i go all right like an idiot
00:35:53
so he runs into this apartment comes i can see him open this door and he go into the right i'm probably out there for two
00:35:59
hours at least i can feel it in my bones the sun i see the sun setting and you're just like throwing it on the flowers right yeah and now this is how dumb i am at the two
00:36:11
hour mark is when i start feeling fishy there's something well they're probably catching up there's a problem they could be having some tea so i'm like and this is back then we
00:36:22
had no cell phones back then there's no cell phones there was no cell phones back then no no cell phones right
00:36:28
you had to you had to call people on a pay phone or crazy or hope they would show up to
00:36:34
the place you agree right so i could get out of the car and i go into the apartment complex
00:36:40
and i look in the back and the other doors open and he took off yeah immediately he actually went right through yeah he's probably in mexico by
00:36:46
now you know what i mean and then i he's back here apartment so i don't know what to do so i go back to the panicking
00:36:52
right which is where jay schweikert the coffee shop right so i go gee i told him a story
00:36:59
right he said your name and he goes bro that happened to me two weeks ago shut up it happened to jay schweikert two weeks ago he pulled the same thing off yeah and then he got caught like a
00:37:11
year later he's just that was his thing that's a good game he would like open up people's mailboxes
00:37:16
see memorize people's names figure people out how would he know that you and jay knew each other because
00:37:21
i'm i worked at the most famous coffee shop that everyone hung out i saw you yeah yeah wow yeah man
00:37:29
i want to know where that guy is yeah that guy's [ __ ] great that guy's awesome have you ever been scammed uh yeah like
00:37:35
my whole life what do you mean i'm getting scammed right now who would it be living in california
00:37:41
everything i do is oh come on a real scam like a real rip-off mostly in drugs mostly drugs almost always when i bought drugs i got scammed yeah yeah one time we went to uh in high
00:37:53
school we went to this guy's house who was like 24 but he looked like he was 86 you know and we went there and he was selling
00:37:58
weed out of his garage and he was like yeah yeah this is uh i don't even know it was
00:38:03
like 60 bucks for a you know for an eighth or whatever and i was like that's so expensive
00:38:09
he's like yeah man that's what it is yeah yeah he's like yeah man that's what it is this older dude and he had known this
00:38:14
other guy paul that i know that was also that was a senior when i was like a sophomore yeah and i was like oh this
00:38:20
guy seems like i don't know it seems really pricey and a little sketchy i don't know he's like dude what do you mean like [ __ ] it's
00:38:26
weed just buy it let's smoke it let's get over it we all pitch in our money so of course i get the bag and we're like all nervous i
00:38:32
don't even look at it i don't you know i put i put it in my pocket we get in the car we drive back to this other guy's house
00:38:37
john we would get high like behind his house and they're like all right man let's roll it up open up the open the bag of
00:38:42
wheat and it's i mean it's literally just like oregano shape you know he did that whole thing
00:38:48
with like hard pieces of like dirt and [ __ ] in there so we smoked that i've been ripped off for weed when i was in high school like i mean when i was like a freshman i got rid of yeah because you don't you know at that time
00:39:01
you don't know where to go well who am i gonna do call the cops also you'd probably have cell phones do you have cell phones then my
00:39:06
no not my freshman year no but who what would i say who was i gonna tell right you can't it's you you people your
00:39:12
age you're so lucky because you could just go to a store is that insane you don't have to just me you don't have to meet a shady guy in a chevy nova while yeah and and the seats stink like sweat and
00:39:23
dogs and like i had to go in the woods yeah there was a woods in poway yeah where you have to go into the woods
00:39:28
yeah right there there was a guy there you know i mean and some usually he wasn't there so you would just be in the woods most of the time
00:39:35
you'd wait yeah and just wait there for like five hours he's not he's gonna be here he's like i'm on my way yeah he's eating breakfast
00:39:40
yeah yeah those just you just have to by chance but you're never going to do drugs anyway right
00:39:46
uh oh did you do drugs in vegas no she yes but then tell me rude because i want to hear what did you do in vegas
00:39:52
we did um spear fishing we didn't oh i saw that online yeah did you hit anything i got one you
00:39:59
did did kala get anything she got two on the on saturday and then one on sunday did
00:40:05
you guys eat the fish yeah you did you didn't we did for the um striper but the other carp what happened to them no because they don't taste good so we
00:40:17
just kill them and then toss it you could have just put it back in the water yeah we did but you killed it first yeah why did you
00:40:23
kill it because they're invasive ah now you know how it feels when people like you come to our country that's exactly right that's exactly right do that feeling
00:40:34
it's invasive they're invasive okay and what do you do you take over what do the invasive species usually do
00:40:41
in the water tell me they destroy the habitat that's right don't they they do that's right don't they but i know that
00:40:49
you just do destroy hey bob and i only wear one kind of undie okay we've always talked about this i love me undies they're so comfortable they're so soft and the patterns are cutesy pootsy man
00:41:02
they just look specifically cute and they're cute and nice summer's coming and for so many of us it's a
00:41:07
season of discomfort it's hot sweaty me undies wants you to make this summer comfortable they want you to know that uh if you're
00:41:13
gonna sit around in underwear that's fine it's just gotta be me undies get comfortable and express yourself this summer with undies in classic or
00:41:19
bold colors and fun adventurous prints all right i like the ones that are pizza i also have lightning bolts which makes
00:41:25
me feel cool about myself i feel like a little superhero and they're easy to match sometimes bobo and i wear the same underwear when we
00:41:31
come here you can match with your friends which is a fun little game me undies has a great offer for our listeners any first-time
00:41:37
purchaser you can get 15 off and free shipping that's good me undies also has their problem-free
00:41:42
philosophy you're not satisfied with any product for any reason they're going to refund it or exchange it no caveats caveats no questions so to
00:41:50
get your 15 off your first order and free shipping go to meetundies.com bad friends that's meundies.com bad
00:41:55
friends honey dude bro yeah we all shop online yeah i do i buy way too much stuff and
00:42:01
we've all seen that promo code field taunt us at the checkout like hey man do you have a code well now you do
00:42:06
thanks to honey uh manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past honey's the free shopping tool
00:42:12
that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one and it just puts it right onto your cart supports
00:42:18
over 30 000 stores online bro that's so that's everything they range from sites that have tech and gaming to popular fashion
00:42:24
even food which bobo loves imagine you're shopping at one of your favorite sites when you you're at the checkout the
00:42:29
honey button is going to drop down all you do is click apply coupons that's it wait a few seconds and
00:42:34
look at that you'll watch the prices drop yeah you're going to save so much money guys i save money
00:42:40
on a wireless charging pad that i bought online honey drop down click click thank you i
00:42:45
saved four dollars and 86 cents yeah baby that's what i like to do is save my money because who knows when it's gonna run out uh honey has found over 17 million
00:42:56
members over two billion dollars in savings oh my lord you have to have honey it's so simple to download if you don't already have honey
00:43:01
you can be straight up missing out on free savings it's literally free installs in a few seconds you don't have to do much by getting it you're doing
00:43:07
yourself a salad and supporting this podcast uh we don't recommend stuff that we don't use we both use honey it's great uh get honey for free
00:43:14
at joinhoney.com bad friends that's joinhoney.com bad friend but what i'm asking is
00:43:21
what did they do though i mean it's like you're a carp right here i am you are carp yeah yeah we're both carp
00:43:28
can i be carpenter you are yeah so we're or car right hey we were born in this lake
00:43:36
yeah or the river lake and river both you were born in the river i was born on the lake i made my way down well no the
00:43:42
lake is a city so i feel like you were born in the lake and i'm the more country yeah you're kind of like i'm from the
00:43:48
suburbs so yeah that's us by the way right so that's us so all right so we're both in right we
00:43:54
you're our buddies right yeah and we're just like so um you know i hate i hate i hear what other
00:44:01
fish call us they just say so many mean names you know they call us like um we are wet
00:44:08
or soapy yeah i'm talking about yeah so you call me a scaly bee they call me scaly yeah
00:44:14
yeah i've called you that yeah you do you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's actually funny so um but you know um but i there's hunters
00:44:22
out here i've heard that they don't even sometimes they catch you you know when you have food and then they and then
00:44:28
they kill you and then they throw you back in front of your family [Laughter] right right yeah they happened to tony
00:44:35
and his family tony right tony they shot him right then they took photos with dead
00:44:41
tony and then they took tony and then he showed them to us and then they went [ __ ] you know we [ __ ] the family threw it
00:44:47
back in right and then little tony he cried you couldn't see because he's in the water
00:44:52
what yeah he's in the water but he was crying but then we ate him we ate yeah we were yeah we did it was
00:44:59
good so you ate the other fish yeah and and you by the way what lake lake las vegas
00:45:06
lake lake mead yeah you went down to lake mead are you scared when you spear fish because you're under water all the
00:45:12
way are you in the water underwater underwater and are you wearing a tank no you have to catch your breath and go
00:45:18
down are you wearing something to keep the water was in the water dirty um in the
00:45:24
lake it wasn't ended in the river it was murky so what do you do when it's murky you can't you can't shoot in the murky water
00:45:30
um we just go to the side and then we just um wait you sit and wait yeah yeah that like these girls because kawinda and kalila grew up in the philippines and they were on the national sewing team so they're
00:45:43
they can hold their water underneath there for like three or four [ __ ] minutes it's insane hold their breath for four minutes but they'll invite me
00:45:49
out there right and it's a completely different human five seconds and i float you do yeah i just
00:45:56
everything is the dead sea to you yeah yeah and i just flow and i have the goggles on and i could see them
00:46:02
way in the bottom but isn't that nice and i'll wave sometimes you have so much buoyancy you could never drown i can't drown
00:46:08
yeah you're kind of like if i took a balloon underwater it'd just go right back to the top but we went to mexico once and she's like um you know how
00:46:14
you know how you know you have a my girlfriend is like when you go to like a vacation she doesn't want to do like the hotel
00:46:20
package what do you mean the thing that the thing that all the tourists do oh right right she goes no i call the
00:46:26
guy i found on the internet we're going to do the real thing i do like that no you don't like that
00:46:31
you want fancy so she goes she goes we're going to swim in this bayou in the mexico i love this
00:46:39
so i go this is hey jesus that's that that's what they call them our guy our guide was his name was jesus right they're all called jesus yeah right
00:46:52
right by the way can i just say something yeah they have to have there's got to be an
00:46:58
agency in mexico that gives them more names we got to invent more mexican names it's like it's either i've i'm not kidding you i've met 3 000 jose's at least yeah two thousand
00:47:12
jesus yep that's it there's also alejandro yeah but that's rare and those are the richer ones mauricio yeah fancy are you laughing no but do you
00:47:26
understand what i'm saying fancy are you laughing you have to have a book or something they do oh they do the bible
00:47:34
that's a very clever what you did there's no spanish names in the bible jesus is base people i know jesus yeah okay so and he's named
00:47:47
after me andrew is unde andres is that true true i was named after you so anyway let's go
00:47:52
back to the store i want to buy you i want to go to the mexican names in the bible we will in a second who's joseph then
00:47:58
jose jose joseph who's mary maria maria who's um who is uh who's um i don't know i need the bible i don't either um what's the
00:48:12
well there's matthew luke and john now who's the guy who no who's the guy wait wait say it again
00:48:19
wow that's it matthew who's the [ __ ] in the bible that like lost god took all the judas that no judas is
00:48:25
the one that helped kill that sounds like will you let me finish what i'm going to say please all right he's a guy in the bible
00:48:32
where god took everything away from him job j-o-e-b j yeah j-o-b what an idiot yeah job wasn't what's job in mexican hub ho
00:48:45
i've never met a hobe fancy will you name your kid hobe no please for this there he is look at
00:48:52
him looking like an idiot is that job yeah that's job and then what happens so i will not renounce my integrity so what
00:48:59
happens is you know the story no so god get killed takes his farm away everything heals his family right and he
00:49:06
still that's his thing right he stays devout yeah right and at the end god gives him more
00:49:14
yeah he gets like all the gifts isn't that it a fancy doesn't he get uh isn't that that he like gets everything and everything he ever wants a new wife
00:49:21
more kid than new kids but it's like what about my old wife yeah i want her i want yeah louisa you killed luisa yeah i was in
00:49:29
love with her i don't need maybe what if he it's what if it's really hot though if she's a hotter new wife
00:49:34
yeah but what if she's uglier what if god's like i'd be like i gave you a new wife and she's like i'm your new wife
00:49:42
see there he is he's crying his wife is like i'm gonna she's holding her chest i'm gonna die soon yeah because god hates you right and
00:49:49
then of course look at there's other renditions of him where he's like um if you look at the cartoon down there pete no no to the left down that one no
00:49:56
three three and one two three look at he has warts all over his body right yeah he gave him um what is that called
00:50:02
uh what's that called is that herpes what is that called boils right boils yeah boiled and then that's his wife saying get out
00:50:09
of here joe yeah yeah yeah he couldn't even put on clothes so joe so joe joe look at her though look at his wife yeah yeah yeah yeah maybe the replacement way that's his prayer please
00:50:21
kill her now she's so ugly look at her oh my god she looks like willem dafoe what a [ __ ] wife this is where shameless came from yeah yeah that's where the show started nice titties though maybe the titties are good
00:50:35
doubt it job's wife yeah but look at those titties though who jobs yeah that's the story of job now you've learned another bible thing right okay who's moses then oysters
00:50:48
moises is the guy that that does my lawn that's his name look moises moises look
00:50:55
let me see this what does it say read it out loud not his last name obviously but don't say what moises gardner artemio right yeah artimo's the other guy oh
00:51:06
really they're awesome they're the best wow moises and artemis what is is artemio who's that you say something though yeah um why'd you put
00:51:13
moises gardener because i have another moist on my phone no you don't yes i do are you sure
00:51:18
moises hello all right the baseball player oh really do you not know him no so you know all these
00:51:24
athletes yeah i know athletes yeah did does it feel ah it feels cool to me it doesn't well because you don't care about sports but okay okay no that's not true you care about mma if it was a really cool mma fighter
00:51:38
you would be into it if an msm had michael bisping on my show i'm a big fan of no come to see you live and go out and hang out with them
00:51:44
different story yeah different than being on the pod pod stuff's whatever but like when you get to go out with
00:51:50
them and then you interact as humans and friends yeah fun fun dude and i was saying another
00:51:55
thing oh yeah so i was with jose in the [ __ ] bayou in mexico that's the [ __ ] story i was telling in the
00:52:00
[ __ ] first place i know we get diverted on this show yeah yeah that's the best part so i go who's jose she's like she's
00:52:08
professional this is like not you know i mean your typical you know what i mean is not your typical jose
00:52:13
no he goes it's not your typical tour he's taking us to a bayou that's like no tourists have been here right locals
00:52:20
locals only not even locals no locals can't even go yeah we get in the water he kills you no and we're going in the
00:52:27
water and jose goes stop stop i go i go what what's so funny i know this yeah and i go what's the matter he's like alligator [Laughter]
00:52:43
and i go alligator i go what alligator and he goes slowly turn your head to the left right and i go like i'm in the water now right i'm [ __ ] and pissing too yeah and
00:52:56
trembling and there's a rock right there and there's a [ __ ] alligator right near you right there right so i had one of those like um underwater like cameras i'm gonna die
00:53:11
i have to do a selfie sure so i do a selfie with the with the alligator as well but that's the kind of [ __ ] that jose gets into
00:53:18
no but that's the kind of [ __ ] that kalila gets me into she loves that [ __ ] she loves that [ __ ] so no thanks for me and i we we stayed there for like five
00:53:24
hours just floating waiting for fish no for his him to go oh the alligator yeah stop how do you
00:53:30
say alligator in spanish fans oh that's crocodile you jackass you jackass what a jerk [ __ ] idiot crocodile what's going on you're gonna fight esther pavitski yeah so
00:53:41
jules and esther think that youtube said yeah because we said it on this show yeah right that you guys are right i think
00:53:47
you're in the same weight class right how tall she's your height right how tall are you
00:53:52
five five you're five five my ass you're five four no you're not five five no i'm five four and she's taller than
00:53:58
me pete get the measuring tape out please it's in the drawer if she's not if she's five four i'm five three no no don't get
00:54:05
the measuring no i wanna see it don't get the measuring team get the goddamn and we're going to mark the wall just like we did when we were kids you know when you marked the wall yeah yeah you still buy four i think you shrunk i swear to god i did
00:54:18
really get up against the wall and pete measure correctly okay flat stay flat against the wall
00:54:26
don't cheat don't cheat what do you say pete five four push your hair down five five push the hair down the hair is poof
00:54:40
[ __ ] get up there bub i'm five four get up there [ __ ] pete pete pete there's a lot writing on this yeah pete do not be beanie off no that's cheating
00:55:02
no no take it off you have to that's the only it's the only way it's fair it's the only way it's fair all right
00:55:08
get up against the wall take off your flip-flops bob flip-flops off no look at his feet
00:55:15
he's cheating yes you are flat flat look you're still here look your heels are off the ground bob
00:55:20
his heels are off the ground pete peter's heels are off the ground your cheetah your heels are off the
00:55:26
ground do it again do it again do it again you cheater they were off the ground were they off the ground no they weren't yes yes they were she said they were weren't
00:55:38
they on the ground yes they were they weren't bob no no bob you're walking you're 5'3 clock in your 5'3 i'm not fun for you
00:55:46
how [ __ ] do you want to prove yourself then go measure again pete is waiting beanie off beanie off heels on the ground
00:56:06
pete pete pete died look at the heels look at his toes are curling shoot it shoot his toes right five five three and three quarters
00:56:18
five three and three quarters so guess what when you mark it down on the internet
00:56:24
it's five three you can't do quarters five three i'm five four damn dude i can't believe
00:56:29
you shrunk when i met you when i met you you didn't [ __ ] drink when i met you i didn't drink anything you were five minutes you were five four and a half five when we first met you're five four
00:56:40
and three quarters you drunk an inch since we met no i i'm getting older i know 50 in september
00:56:45
yeah i'm getting older speaking of which what are we doing for bob's birthday when he turns 50 this year that's huge we have to do something big well i
00:56:52
want to have a dinner yeah but but something important get an important dinner but i but we have to do a thing like we have
00:56:59
to rent out nobu or some [ __ ] fun like that no i was gonna get not dinner at my house i want to go to a restaurant and
00:57:04
rent it out like you know you i used to have these spaghetti factory parties so there used to be one here anymore and
00:57:10
those do you remember that one i loved it yeah and i used to have these birthday parties and everyone would show up well what can we
00:57:17
rent out that we can get everybody to go to see that's the thing it's like you know a lot of people don't they just
00:57:23
i have to pay for the whole thing no we'll pay for it the show will pay for it bad friends will pay for it but it's
00:57:29
just like before when i was younger i would i did spaghetti factory because you know i know that half the comics i would have some famous people but most of the comics were broke do you
00:57:40
feed him so it ended up being like you know a free meal yeah and people that didn't even like me would show up
00:57:47
see that that we'll make it that's the only people we want there yeah have you ever seen the way that eric andre does it have you ever been to his parties his
00:57:52
birthday party back when he was i don't know what happened between us because back in the day when he was young he used to have these parties
00:57:59
he has the best part and i used to go to those parties and they were so wild bro look up look up erica and they're one party and then once eric andre
00:58:06
became a name he just he cut me out why where him and i are closer than ever he he hasn't changed a little bit well look he'll these are flyers he makes you call party call him yeah those are flyers he makes for party look
00:58:19
he wore that that was his quinceanera ask him if he has a problem with me i'm gonna right now all right but i have to tell him you know eric andre
00:58:25
um he looks familiar the biggest dick i've ever seen yeah by far it's the biggest dick i've
00:58:31
ever seen it's actually shocking but he has the best birthday but look look maybe there's some birthday photos but the other birthday bash
00:58:39
i'm gonna tell him you're next to me okay he has great birthday parties in there
00:58:45
and they're like the last time i went to one he paid a bunch of people to uh like a
00:58:50
bunch of old guys to the nudists some old people from a nudist colony to just walk around with their with their boobs and their and their
00:58:56
balls out look at that's like the party there you can see in the background a little bit you can't really tell but he always has
00:59:02
forwarded we're not that close i guess no sometimes let me see if i can call him
00:59:08
i have his number i think column does he have an old number eric no okay why would you hang that up it was an eric what do you think we're doing here
00:59:33
[Laughter] making a [ __ ] comedy show game time with bobby lee and andrew santino
00:59:41
so corny it's so unprofessional okay so gang time you say gang time what is he saying it's
00:59:46
game time and then um all right okay so we're working to build up your relationship so
00:59:52
after all the fights from previous episodes we would like for each of you to complement each other so you guys have
01:00:00
to use the letters of each other's names to complement the other person so okay i'll start then
01:00:06
okay okay so andrew yes yeah um athletic thank you um don't know don't say the n-word no new yeah
01:00:20
um diverse sure i just think of any word so athletic new diverse catholic new diverse and are careful here on this one
01:00:36
i would never you can't say it you can't say that word what a white guy white guys can't say
01:00:43
that right now you can say it again watch this watch say it one more time stop asian hate okay you can get away
01:00:50
with it right now um uh resilient ooh i like that yeah and an e i know uh elusive elusive
01:01:02
yeah okay yeah is that a compliment it's a compliment now lucifer's kind of like a like like a dodgy creature
01:01:09
like a survivor a raccoon is elusive survivor that's good okay fine yeah yeah all right so nw oh w w is a winner and white would have when
01:01:19
good white no winners winner i love you okay so let's go uh uh athletic new diverse
01:01:27
uh uh what was our resilient resilient uh elusive winner yeah pretty good bobby yeah ready yeah uh bold um
01:01:41
easy [Laughter] bold orang attack no bold yeah if you say you can't say obese outrageous there we
01:01:54
go because that's good that's good bold outrageous beautiful yes bombastic very good and why yellow yellow
01:02:10
and then rudy yeah okay you do rudy i'll do jules okay that's yeah okay rudy rudy
01:02:16
respectful correct that's good understanding [Music] uh determined wow yellowish yellowish yellow
01:02:28
and then jules jewish because we know how much she likes them yeah she mentions it all the time um understanding yeah
01:02:40
um laxadaisical yes yeah lackadaisical enigmatic because you're you're very unique that starts with the e enigmatic and
01:03:00
enigmatic okay now you do fancy okay and it's fancy b okay f for fun fun yeah a for artsy
01:03:25
artsy artsy's good he is and for nice yeah he has very nice c for crazy crazy he's kind of crazy yeah why for
01:03:41
yellow yellowish yellow let me just mention that game yeah [ __ ] suck it was bad yeah it's a bad game but
01:03:53
sometimes you have to end the show with a little bit of a [ __ ] sucky you guys have to do more but can i tell you something yeah yeah
01:03:59
like you know you usually have slides yeah how about buttons why don't we threaten their jobs yeah yeah do you want do you want to listen
01:04:05
guys come back you're both coming here they're on probation now yeah guys fellas that that game it feels it feels like you came up with that game driving here
01:04:18
oh [ __ ] we forgot a game we forgot the game right what do we do you know i mean uh you got to try harder because um
01:04:24
there's other people that want your spots a lot of people that want the spots i think well
01:04:30
probation i guess because it was pete's idea oh look at pete's shaking it off he's shaking it off
01:04:36
he's shaking it up yeah yeah because you know when we take this show on the road you know maybe we could you got to step it
01:04:42
up because we're going to do ropes yeah we're doing this on the road you're only taking one of us no we'll take both well well first of all we were
01:04:48
going to take you both and now i'm a little hesitant to take you both are we going to take this on the road
01:04:53
yeah we have to it'll be packed we have to where do we go houston we got to go everywhere we have to go all over
01:04:59
the south we have to go everywhere yeah bring bring jewels on a tour bus yeah oh yeah
01:05:04
and joel's going to be doing school work or maybe she'll meet somebody i don't want to i'm not being able to do
01:05:09
that i'm not prepared for that yeah yeah yeah all right uh julia's going to take you do you think that actually gets married
01:05:14
we'll go to the wedding you two say it would you ask andrew to be in your wedding i don't want to get married why you get
01:05:20
so angry i don't know if you if you ever got married that would what would i be in the wedding would i would i have a title
01:05:27
like would i be the flower boy or you can't be the flower boy you wouldn't be the ring boy you'd be the ring guy
01:05:32
i'll be ring boy and you'll be a flower boy oh my god me and you walking down the aisle together it's so funny we're wearing a little tutu
01:05:38
we'll wear dresses if one day you ever do get married yeah please you have to let us be the ring boy and the flower boy okay
01:05:45
okay promise yes look in that camera and say i promise i promise thank you for being bad no no
01:05:51
these two have to say that because they're in trouble yeah look in the camera and say it thank you for being a bad friend
01:05:58
[Music] perfect [Music] he was getting mad at you [Music]