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what up bad friends I am on my way back to the US of a from Aussie baby and I'm
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so very excited to go on tour me and Bob are on tour you want to get those tickets get those tickets at badfriendspod.com we added dates we
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added cities we added shows we had it shows in Riverside San Antonio Toronto Canada come out and show that love for
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bad friends pod we're doing a huge tour uh Oklahoma Kansas City St Louis Indianapolis Detroit Louisville Atlanta
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Memphis Norfolk Durham Charlotte San Antonio Houston Irving Spokane Seattle Portland Phoenix Jacksonville St
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Petersburg Hollywood Orlando Riverside San Diego Montclair Portchester Baltimore Philly Toronto and much much
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more we're adding as we go go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com you two are bad
00:00:43
friends who are these two idiots [Music]
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or something we're bad friends
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it tore me apart from the movie [Laughter]
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Harry Styles I didn't know anything about until when until I heard a song
00:01:25
called uh was it watermelon yeah he loved fruit dude well that's what I thought it was I was like man this guy
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loves that waffles [Laughter] you know what bro I feel like I'm being
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racist with the [ __ ] mustache and [ __ ] bro you know man welcome to yo dude
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Mexican Amigos okay it feels weird
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anyway oh my God you had another one underneath all the time
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I love it so well welcome to her yeah yeah yeah so good to see you guys man
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because let me tell you something man Andrew's been out of town and I've been doing this all alone and I needed
00:02:06
friends bro and we did it all Korean episode bro I thought what's next bro Mexicans do I
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[ __ ] love them bro we got a [ __ ] I want to introduce the people um in the room bro we've got a [ __ ]
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raccoon in the house yeah a [ __ ] raccoon is half raccoon half [ __ ]
00:02:24
Mexican you know bro when's the last time you slept dog
00:02:30
I stayed up late last night but I have these all the time anyways dude it's at a point I need to get some work you're
00:02:37
gonna have to Michael Jackson it yeah I know you're gonna have to Michael Jackson underneath your eye because it's like it's so prominent listen
00:02:44
I looked into it here's the problem are you a panda can I ask you that Panda's good too Panda raccoon do you want
00:02:50
Johnny to have Sammy Sosa lids
00:02:56
you know there's a laser there's a laser thing yeah but you have to go to somebody really good because if they
00:03:03
take off too much dude then it gets it's like it'll be pale it's worse I don't
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know dude I don't know I think pale's better it's bad huh it's so I know it's
00:03:16
you it's you some people just have dark circles yeah but it's bad look it's bad
00:03:22
that's bad that's pretty bad I think so yeah but it's Gonna Get You know it's gonna get the dermatologist
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told me it's gonna get dark it's just gonna keep getting darker as I get older and it's gonna yeah yeah please don't
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get them done and it's gonna I have to see what happens like in about five years yeah it'll be they get it goes
00:03:39
lower and lower oh please oh my god when we start calling him crater Sanchez
00:03:48
bro try to hike it but they've never gone they've never seen again so we got
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Johnny Sanchez my old friend yeah buddy you good bro you have all right all right I'm sorry
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for making fun of you man that's right yeah it goes you will that's our relationship it's always been like that
00:04:06
it'll never change yeah I love you it's you know what's funny it's just the next person well just real quick
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you always go it's always been funny you've always gone after my looks like you always make fun of me but you you
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called you Cricket yeah Cricket yeah but you you make fun of me like you look like
00:04:24
Brad Pitt that's what makes [ __ ] yeah I look like a chat yeah yeah yeah I know I
00:04:33
I I look in the mirror okay and I I know where I'm at you know who I am yeah we're gonna talk about that right about
00:04:40
what dating and yeah yeah we will but can I introduce that's what I was gonna
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say yeah we have one that we have one Mexican that's not even shown up yet yeah he's on Mexican time he's on Mexico what's that mean anyway I get it
00:04:56
I get it um so the next person that I want to introduce is somebody that I met many
00:05:02
many years ago she was living in Dallas yes and you were working at the Addison Improv yeah I was the office manager
00:05:08
you're the office manager oh my God and um I found out then that you were doing stand-up I had just started you just
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started and the way you Rose it was just I was so proud of you I'm still very
00:05:21
proud of you um you just dug your way out and you you're so talented and funny Cristela
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Alonso she had her own sitcom what was it called Christopher
00:05:33
oh my God it was actually called Nine is enough
00:05:39
it could have been called Priscilla versus Cristela I mean no no
00:05:46
and even then when he has a new show I'm like it could be Paul this time you never know yeah yeah
00:05:53
um thanks for being here I haven't hung out with you in a while yeah and you and I called you out of the blue and you were like let's do it and um
00:06:00
yeah um I was telling Johnny before the show um that we're at an age
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where um we're pretty much going to be um we're unfuckable
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and we have sad Futures ahead of us you know um do you oh you do you want do you do
00:06:20
you uh can you see yourself with a woman that would be like in her late 40s early
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50s you like still like young that's crazy yeah you know what you're accusing me
00:06:33
what are you accusing me of no no like 20 you like girls that that are like 20s and like maybe early 30s listen
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I don't care about the age it's what I see yeah okay so you you probably wouldn't go out with a woman that's like
00:06:46
48 49 50. it depends oh right I'm 44 by the way you look great
00:06:52
you look wonderful okay all right but are you saying that's for me to be
00:06:57
careful the way I no no no no I don't give a [ __ ] no I'm saying like like I'm
00:07:03
44. I'm saying that there's people that are women that are 49 48 that really don't
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look you know it's like yeah it just depends yeah right if I'm in a bakery right and if the cake looks fresh I want
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to eat it right but if it's damaged you know what I mean there's
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you know rotting no wear and tear you mean to somewhere on terror yeah it's
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what I call moisturizer it's like I see like like there have been times and there have been times I do this [ __ ]
00:07:33
all the time I will Google people I hated in high school and I know that we're the same age and a
00:07:40
lot of them look like [ __ ] and it's because I tell people they never learn to moisturize so it's like we're the
00:07:46
same it's like that thing about like not knowing how to take care of yourself maybe because you're too busy you're
00:07:52
having a [ __ ] up life where you're trying to survive and [ __ ] like that whatever it is you didn't do it so people sometimes look different than
00:07:59
other people the same age because they just didn't they didn't take care of them moisturize it's about moisture like
00:08:05
putting lotion on your face is that what you're saying yeah I'm simplifying it like that just to say that that's like the example can I give you can I add on
00:08:11
to that let's do it could it be about also stress levels yes absolutely well that's what I mean is that the
00:08:16
moisturizing is just an example of how like people do extra steps sometimes that they probably don't even think
00:08:23
about like yeah moisturizer is a thing obviously stress level because that's what I'm saying it's like if you have a life of survival of like trying to get
00:08:30
by or something or your shit's just [ __ ] up sometimes you trying to take care of yourself like physically is the
00:08:37
last [ __ ] thing on your mind yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah the mind [ __ ] I suffer from depression and anxiety and
00:08:43
when I get depressed I get depressed and when I feel like that I don't give a [ __ ] what I look like yeah yeah and
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that's it it's kind of going to your fresh cake yeah yeah you know but you know also too
00:08:58
culture oh what go ahead well I want you to talk culturally
00:09:04
I I feel like white people age faster the lighter complected
00:09:09
people what are you saying seem to get more wrinkled earlier
00:09:15
than people who have oily skin and darker complexion
00:09:21
so you're saying black people look good you know well we all know that don't call them oily though that's weird
00:09:29
no no no no my the Mexican like my dad has very oily skin yeah he's 80 gonna be
00:09:36
88 he looks fantastic is he the raccoon part of your family or no okay
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I did not get it from my mom or my dad where does that come from though that I had a great aunt that had it and I had
00:09:49
an uncle that that had it yeah not my mom and dad oh you know what I just realized guys you look like you're about
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to play football um yeah yeah so that's cool anyway I
00:10:01
love you thanks for coming out
00:10:06
hey you [ __ ] disappointed fist bump right yeah like I'll give you
00:10:14
like Rachel bielson you know who that is yes yes I remember her yeah I know her and she's you know in their 40s right
00:10:21
and she's beautiful I mean I would you know I mean if I could date her I would probably you know I mean she
00:10:27
she had a baby with Darth Vader yeah yeah so that's the level that she's at
00:10:33
right yeah yeah I'm just saying it's like a [ __ ] young Anakin yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:10:39
exactly because in the Star Wars Universe I'm a Jawa there's a Jawa [ __ ]
00:10:44
[ __ ] no no I am like the Jar Jar Binks one night stand like in the Star Wars Universe would you
00:10:51
be I know I already know oh what's his uh the um I know what you are dude what
00:10:57
remember that blue guy that was like flying he was the boss
00:11:02
he was the boss one of the newer ones yeah yeah yeah what was it what was his name the blue one that was yeah that's
00:11:09
you that dude [Laughter]
00:11:18
oh my God that reminds you when people say like when people women come up to me they're
00:11:24
like you remind me of my friends what did I do to you you have big feet
00:11:29
wide otherwise because I used I grew up barefoot like Apocalypto dude that's my
00:11:36
cousin yeah yeah like back in the day you probably could have just run up a tree
00:11:43
[Laughter]
00:11:48
I was barefoot all the time we were really poor so my mom would give me one pair of shoes for the whole year so then
00:11:55
during the summer I used to be barefoot all the time I'd walk to the stores Barefoot and everything you know because
00:12:00
so I have white feet whoa you know yeah I'm dropping some [ __ ] honest nuts no I really like it but they're pretty
00:12:06
pretty I've never seen them yeah yeah I will say go ahead that they are on the internet and I have been
00:12:12
approached in public by somebody that wanted me to to show them off yeah the fetishes yeah the foot fetish thing if I
00:12:18
wanted to like let's say I was a guy on the internet yeah I saw your feed yeah and I hit you up on DMD and I go hey how
00:12:25
much could I give you money-wise yeah so I just want your feet on my penis but I'll jerk off the tip
00:12:33
but just have the penis at the at the time he's putting some thought into this at the base right and I'll just you know
00:12:38
I'll take yeah I'll you know me and Lou I'll just jerk off can I come on your feet how much would you charge well
00:12:44
first of all I always hate these questions yeah because I would probably do that [ __ ] when I'm drunk for free
00:12:51
I hate when people say like how much would you blow somebody for a million dollars [ __ ] I've done that for a
00:12:57
nickel no I think that the has always been very
00:13:03
well any fetish to me that I'm not for that much
00:13:09
this person's a stranger no that would do it sober you wouldn't do it at all I wouldn't do it for a million dollars no
00:13:15
because I can actually I I because I think I can make my million dollars some other way that's true okay
00:13:21
good good would you do it how would that work
00:13:27
no oh the girl I'm a guy yeah I DM you
00:13:32
oh I love I love doing K Loco I didn't do Kayla oh yeah that's right you did it
00:13:38
was not cool enough to do that is so crazy he turned it down I did I said no
00:13:43
yeah well you were starting you were young you were starting I started there's a lot of [ __ ] that I didn't get yeah you know what this is interesting
00:13:51
so I started in Dallas moved to LA in Dallas I was kind of like the only
00:13:56
Latina comic in the scene you know like then I moved to LA there are a lot of Latino Comics that didn't like me oh and
00:14:03
it was this thing where I didn't realize that there was this thinking and I I've talked to people about this all the time
00:14:10
a lot of the older comics and by that I mean people that had been doing it longer not like age-wise you're right
00:14:16
like they thought that I had disrespected them like when I met them
00:14:21
by not trying to shake their hands and say hey it's really nice to me it's so
00:14:27
interesting you say this because it's like I have the same issues as you do but I'm beginning to think it's a
00:14:33
perception thing oh no I just stopped stop stop all right
00:14:39
to you it's real yes okay yeah I believe that yeah okay but is there a perception
00:14:45
thing a little bit because people live listen I've I feel the same way I say
00:14:52
it's all quiet everything just stops what's up bro you guys know him of
00:14:59
course yeah that's funny he he lowers his
00:15:06
chairs it's all low rider oh let me get all low rider right here
00:15:15
um where were you Frankie it's Sunday right
00:15:21
it's a Sunday 's a big deal for you people right yes Sunday is our Sunday
00:15:30
that's right I caught myself yeah yeah so you're with your family bro yeah yeah
00:15:36
yeah yeah what were you guys doing uh you know we're just kicking into it
00:15:43
barbecue or no no it's rainy yeah oh [ __ ] is yeah yeah you can't barbecue
00:15:49
inside did you eat food was that yeah yeah yeah
00:15:56
yeah good time yeah all right cool all right what's wrong with you right now yeah what's going on yeah you came in a
00:16:01
[ __ ] shifting yeah is this like the movie Speed where you
00:16:07
can't say a full sentence yeah you're not high right no no no no yeah
00:16:14
you good yeah yeah yeah yeah you look cute oh thank you
00:16:22
so so can I introduce him or no yeah oh yeah introduce and then and then let him
00:16:27
about what she was talking about because that's interesting I forgot what she was saying about you know
00:16:33
oh that's right she doesn't feel welcomed or whatever you know Frankie quinoes yeah I said it right yeah
00:16:42
yeah you mean total fit yeah one of my he's on the show
00:17:20
second season now or no yeah you guys already shot it no we're like halfway through oh so you're in the middle of
00:17:27
production yeah yeah yeah yeah is it going well yeah yeah it's going good yeah wow you're really good on that show
00:17:32
man yeah oh thank you yeah I actually had an audition for the show I didn't do it I didn't do it why
00:17:37
because I couldn't I couldn't shoot the I was out of town I couldn't shoot the tape in the deadline or something but I
00:17:43
oh don't you hate when that happens yeah I don't get why the process is like that they're like hey we want you for this part we need it tomorrow
00:17:51
unbelievable it was like this like I remember I had an audition for a movie that that is coming out this year that
00:17:57
was that I got the audition like two years ago yeah right and it was a quick turnaround like hey you gotta turn this
00:18:03
in tomorrow right and I asked for an extra day because I was like flying back right and they're like uh no we got to
00:18:09
do this right now that [ __ ] did not get cast for another eight months and I was
00:18:14
like come on really yeah dude they're [ __ ] Liars they are they're [ __ ]
00:18:19
liars and it's like we all [ __ ] dance for them right we want to see it now and
00:18:25
you know what I say to them man [ __ ] you yeah you're not gonna see it we'll be poor and we're never gonna make it
00:18:31
that's not what you say what do I say yes right now and just start dancing
00:18:36
oh you think I'm a dancer are you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] dude you're right
00:18:42
I am a dancer yeah I have done that at midnight I have
00:18:50
because when you're at my age you're like you you hear the talk clicking
00:18:56
clock talk clicking it's not a good thing for a show let me just talk like a
00:19:01
talk show talk clicking hey home hey homie
00:19:09
clock ticking I [ __ ] it up it's okay no you didn't you create a magic okay so my point is is
00:19:16
this right so you think this is my only shot you know I mean like in my in your 30s you go oh my god dude we had so I
00:19:24
know when I think back up of how many times I said no for auditions like what by
00:19:30
tomorrow now [ __ ] that just oh yeah I'm not gonna go in I know they gotta give
00:19:36
me more time they don't they won't give me more time Johnny well they're not [ __ ] I'm not gonna go in but you regret it now I should have just said
00:19:43
that's a lesson to you [ __ ] do it oh I know no I'm very picky about the [ __ ] I do I say no all the time yeah I know
00:19:50
people are gonna regret the notes that's what he just said no because you know what I you can either regret find those
00:19:55
or you can regret the yeses because then you see the [ __ ] that you you that you were done with like that you did or
00:20:01
shot yeah then you regret what the [ __ ] you did okay let me say something okay
00:20:10
[Laughter]
00:20:15
you're right you're right you have integrity no here's because even the shitty [ __ ] that
00:20:22
you I've said yes to things right and it didn't turn out the way yeah I thought it was going to turn out but you always
00:20:28
learn from these situations yes you meet oh you always it's all about relationships yes this town right so
00:20:35
I've done shitty things met somebody and then three years later gotten a job another person that I met my point is is
00:20:40
that it's not all out the window and a waste of time no here here's my thing
00:20:46
I am very like uh I have learned the industry has taught me that in order for
00:20:51
me to be on TV I have to write the thing myself for me you know what I mean now that's
00:20:57
because people for some reason can't write for me because they make assumptions of who the [ __ ] the Latino
00:21:03
character is not even me so it's like this thing I realized yes when I had my
00:21:09
sitcom I was in every [ __ ] audition I was in the room in every audition and I
00:21:14
would see their resumes as they came in and I noticed that with the Latinos like the Latino men Latino women they didn't
00:21:22
have comedy experience because we weren't writing for them so how the [ __ ] do you teach timing how the [ __ ] do you
00:21:28
teach how to people how to act in sitcoms if you're not casting if you're not writing the parts so for me for me
00:21:33
to be on TV because at that point you know it's like people told me you'll never be on TV you're fat you got a
00:21:39
Crooked Tooth so for me I was like that's great
00:21:49
people got that specifically wow damn that's it oh but the only thing
00:21:54
but the thing is is that like I had put it out of my mind that I was ever gonna be on TV because they told me I was
00:22:01
never going to be on TV but I wrote my show and I accidentally got on TV yeah
00:22:06
you know so it's like this thing though when I see like roles that come to me I don't fit the box that they want for
00:22:14
Latinas so I end up getting a lot of sassy a lot of sassy roles that end up
00:22:19
getting cast by black women because I don't fit the box that they want I always say that with Latinas you're a
00:22:25
sex pot everybody wants to [ __ ] you and then you have to go away and like slightly retire for 10 15 years and then
00:22:32
you come back as the grandmother yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah
00:22:37
I did not come to this country yeah
00:22:45
I love it Babel one of the most exciting things about a new year is that you have
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ladies and gentlemen that's zocdoczocdoc.com bad friends zocdoc.com
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bad friends do you ever guys think about like what you guys go ahead no no I just
00:26:14
want to jump I'm going to jump back on which auditions and roles and stuff go ahead well no I want you to go now right
00:26:21
now before because because I'm gonna we're going to a different direction oh okay you know what I've noticed recently
00:26:27
with auditions for let's Mexican or Latino roles in general they've been requiring a lot of Spanish
00:26:38
Frankie's good you're the man I have to I could I can't do like conversational like getting interviewed in Spanish I
00:26:44
was like [ __ ] up okay you're kind of like me then but I script that I could do yeah well let me let me give you some sentences
00:26:50
I want to give you some sentences let's see if you guys can do it let's do a [ __ ] little game here okay all right
00:26:55
excuse me where's the um bathroom
00:27:02
yeah there we go yeah but I I wouldn't have he should have asked me first because
00:27:07
he just got a point yeah
00:27:13
wow am I playing because my first language
00:27:25
or whatever yeah yeah because you also said excuse me so the correct thing
00:27:31
would have been comparison oh yeah
00:27:37
oh yeah see I wouldn't be able to do that I'd
00:27:43
have to call my mom yeah and then my mom will tell me how to say it I would write it down phonetically
00:27:49
not in Spanish I would write it down I grew up in farmland and my parents speak Spanish yeah so
00:27:56
what happened I understand it we just never we we they didn't teach us Spanish
00:28:02
were you part of the generation where your parents spoke Spanish but they didn't want you speaking Spanish because it was like you got another job yeah
00:28:09
no in my neighborhood it was like like there were a lot of people like that spoke Spanish parents that had kids that
00:28:15
wouldn't teach them English because it almost seemed like you mean Spanish in Spanish because because it almost felt
00:28:20
in a weird way and I don't mean this but it's like like it's like it's almost like a promotion like they were here in
00:28:25
the United States you know what I mean yeah this is why this is what happened my dad you know my mom's a stay-at-home mom my dad's like I'll work you know
00:28:32
back in the day right the old school style so he he told my mom you teach him
00:28:37
Spanish at home but then my mom said no I don't want to teach them Spanish because she thought we would have an
00:28:44
accent and when she was growing up they put all the Mexican kids in the back Who had who had accents they put him in the
00:28:51
back of the class so my mom was like no I don't want them to have any accents so which is not true
00:28:58
it is true look look what I mean it doesn't have an accent and they put me here in the back of the of the podcast
00:29:03
you see oh yeah they do yeah yeah
00:29:11
colonizer can you do this podcast
00:29:20
hey man that's not a Mexican either Carlos or are you Mexican really these are real Mexicans here I'm really
00:29:26
Mexican my parents are from Mexico City all right yeah well he's got his blood he's got his ancestors right is what and
00:29:33
you guys had asked see I would have been an Aztec warrior dude if it hadn't been for his ancestors coming over
00:29:41
Frankie and I would have been freaking Warriors bro anyway so get this let me tell you what
00:29:47
happened all right so so I did one I think it was for that show I did I did audition for that show uh
00:29:55
yeah anyway hentified remember that seriously
00:30:03
yes yes but they required they even asked at one point when you're done with the audition like after you do you read
00:30:09
we want you to do 30 seconds a minimum of a convert tell us about yourself in
00:30:15
Spanish minimum of 30 seconds dude so Rob de Rocha helped me I had to have Rob
00:30:21
dorocha come over because he's fluent okay so and then I'm doing poor guys
00:30:26
like he's trying to help me then there was a couple of lines and I have I gotta I gotta post this one of these days but
00:30:33
I read my line in Spanish and Rob starts to deliver his line and he just starts
00:30:39
laughing like he's like so bad it was that bad and in I I read my line
00:30:44
whatever it was independently yeah
00:30:49
that's great that's great
00:30:58
again what you just said I don't remember what it was but it was
00:31:04
something like that yeah
00:31:09
[Music] laughing his ass off I go what happened
00:31:15
he goes dude it's just yeah you're not sick like I don't because I and because he did that in the audition you probably
00:31:21
[ __ ] yourself up oh that was that was it right there you know it was a home to go in with that but no no no it was tape
00:31:28
he was tape and he sent it in but still I he he just kind of went he took the best out of all the bad all the bad ones
00:31:36
and he just goes I would send that one he goes besides white people are going to think maybe if the producers aren't
00:31:43
Latino or they're not Mexican they might think it's okay but I've been seeing a
00:31:49
lot of Spanish and auditions dude and that's just that it's a it's a I can't do I can't do that but you can no no I
00:31:56
cannot have a conversation like he said I can't look at them Australians right that learn how to speak in an American
00:32:02
accent hey look at me
00:32:11
this is
00:32:21
you know so if you had an audition and if oh you
00:32:29
do speak Korean right no okay yeah yeah so could you speak South Korea could you go in a if it's if it's an audition and
00:32:35
you're supposed to have a conversation back and forth would you be no okay no no no no no so do you get hit up for
00:32:42
auditions like that yeah but my age does not go he's not gonna do it yeah okay they already know yeah because I can't
00:32:47
I've tried it even my Asian accent sucks I have two types yeah high and low
00:32:53
that sounds like an Asian's name how are you doing today like Chinese you know what I mean yeah
00:32:59
well yeah yeah you know and then and then you do that Japanese thing a lot
00:33:04
yeah yeah but sometimes I think but can I pivot
00:33:10
now a little bit or no yeah yeah yeah I just wanted to say that I'm noticing this has not been good for me lately because there I don't know what's going
00:33:17
on and why everybody's requiring Spanish these roles but you know look at Pedro Pascal and these guys do I mean they're
00:33:23
they're already fluent so it's so I gotta write my in other words kind of
00:33:30
kind of going off of what christelle was talking about for me I I feel like I have to do the same thing because they're not going to write [ __ ] for a
00:33:35
coconut dude they don't want Hollywood doesn't want coconut you know people what coconut is Browning the outside
00:33:41
white on the inside I'm a banana you're a banana Filipinos are Twinkies are Twinkies yeah yeah what are you well
00:33:48
same thing as you say pocho is like uh yeah but butcher's bad that's a that's a
00:33:54
that's a that's a low dig it is I used to get bites over pocho dude when I was in school it's similar to coconut though
00:34:00
yeah yeah but isn't it what could that sounds worse a couple of implications there that
00:34:06
you're kind of crazy okay okay because we said uh Koreans a banana right
00:34:12
Filipinos Twinkie we know blacks Oreo right yes can I just say something wait
00:34:18
let me get this one out guess what I found out Native Americans call the white wash ones what radish
00:34:25
how great is that one that's great because of red yeah wow red on the outside white on the end of America why
00:34:31
is it all about food I know I know there's some [ __ ] hungry generalizers yeah
00:34:40
white in the inside it's not we're American
00:34:49
I was born in America yeah and I'm an American yeah you know what I you know
00:34:55
what I I don't call myself a Mexican but you know what I consider a Mexican-American what is somebody who's born in Mexico and then came here and
00:35:01
became and and then got their citizenship and became or Armenian um American I was calling myself American
00:35:07
Mexican when I was in school and everybody laughed at me back then yeah you guys love Antonio Banderas Antonio
00:35:14
Banderas oh my god dude I love it yeah is he Mexican no no no no no
00:35:22
he's Spanish right yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:35:29
dude that that I remember that preview from uh the trailer from Interview with a Vampire back in the day we used to die
00:35:36
laughing because the announcer would be like you know Tom Cruise Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas
00:35:44
yeah was he was at the movie yeah yes
00:35:50
Interview with a Vampire he was well he was a Spanish vampire oh that's right
00:36:07
[Laughter]
00:36:13
I just want to say remember one time on mad oh my god oh I was supposed to come out they were doing a fake thing that
00:36:21
that mad was going over to Mexico Mad TV yeah that show was going to start airing we were both on Mad TV yeah and so
00:36:28
Colton Dunn love Colton right great writer actor
00:36:33
I don't like this you're just you're just going through the motion so I get this over with he's telling for a
00:36:40
new generation who's watching this got it that's true they don't even know about it he wrote a monologue for me to
00:36:47
come out and and I was gonna do it and uh so he wrote it in English and then he just hit the translation Spanish honey I
00:36:54
don't know what kind of Spanish that was all right there were words in there I had never I was like what is this and Colton's like it's I just hit
00:37:00
translation on Google um I'm so proud to work with you it was
00:37:06
fun yeah it was a fun two years yeah yeah yeah go on you know what that was
00:37:12
that you can cut out no we're not that last piece no yeah yeah pivot panic
00:37:24
[Laughter] a little bit um
00:37:29
you about to Pivot you know I kind of don't want a pivot now I feel like the pivot's not gonna
00:37:36
work no no yeah do you have any desire to learn speak more Korean or are you
00:37:41
just like I am who I am that's it well I just don't know how that would help me okay because you know um Koreans you
00:37:49
know are doing well in movies but the Koreans in Korea are making their movies I'll never be as good right as them to
00:37:55
be in a movie like that so it's like and the I I don't really get Asian parts anymore I'm just like I think I'm more
00:38:02
known as a slackery [ __ ] up you know I mean and so I'm getting kind of those stonery kind of which is actually a
00:38:08
really cool place to be at yeah yeah once you become I'm excited because but once you be it's you know called it like
00:38:14
you're once you become a type yeah you can work all forever so like those actors that are character
00:38:21
actors they they're a type like Luis Guzman this dude is work because he's always gonna be when they go hey we need
00:38:28
kind of like a sloppy Hispanic dude it's Luis Guzman yeah they're gonna go to
00:38:34
Louise every single time yeah he's a type he's been a type for 30. even if like if I'm I'm on reservation dogs and
00:38:40
I play a doctor I'm the same kind of as the Magnum I'm just what a great part yeah you know
00:38:59
I love you I have talked to them it was but I can't
00:39:04
attack her no but she's bringing up great points she's making an entry you guys are killing it this is so fun thank you so
00:39:12
much for being here that just seems I've been so [ __ ] fun oh I love it okay
00:39:17
thank you okay all right um pivot he only pointed to us because you were late yeah no I love it bro you
00:39:27
have family time you have fun with you I know whatever
00:39:34
was like yeah they're gonna have Mexican there bad friends I was like what yeah yeah Mexican who do you think I was
00:39:40
gonna be here I was like oh I don't know like a big old homie
00:39:45
I I wasn't even told that it was Mexican day when I told you it was with the two
00:39:50
people that that are on here you didn't make that assumption no I just thought that we were Comics oh you're right
00:39:57
he told me and then I come here and it's a [ __ ] like yeah
00:40:03
they're trying to betray you it's a betrayal again the Spanish so I always think to
00:40:11
myself if I see a western or whatever right I think to myself oh if I was an Asian back then and who I am now yeah
00:40:19
with all my eccentric behaviors and who I am what would I do like a hundred
00:40:25
years ago what job would I have what kind of woman would I have as a wife you know in America what do you guys think
00:40:31
you'd be doing I would I would have oh like if I grew up with my dad's era my dad was born in
00:40:38
1935 yeah um I probably would have been like him like a lot of Labor work
00:40:45
construction pool plastic little too so what's that got to do with it yeah what
00:40:51
does that have to do with construction because if I own the farm I would just go look at the little guy yeah
00:41:01
[ __ ] you know you would have went to an interim Camp if you not even being
00:41:06
Japanese you probably would have been such an internet because they would have just been like we don't care if you're
00:41:11
Korean we're pretty sure there were some Koreans there like what are we doing here right yeah like that yeah so you
00:41:19
would be working I know right it's like you know it's
00:41:24
actually that does sound like a Mexican accent if you did the whole like what are you doing here yeah go up yeah go up
00:41:31
what are you doing here what about you Crystal um I think I already know what you'd be
00:41:36
but go ahead I come from a family that's very old-fashioned my dad kidnapped my mom
00:41:42
and what like her Village in Mexico your dad kidnapped your mom that's how people got married back then wow like a simpler
00:41:50
days yeah imagine if you were still
00:41:55
unfuckable in those days oh no what if my kidnapped skills aren't good no it's
00:42:00
not you have to lure you would have no choice yeah no the man would just go to the
00:42:07
house and make the woman go with him and the woman had no option so that's my mom
00:42:13
so I would say that if she eventually fell in love with your dad no okay no no no no my mom was actually the first
00:42:19
woman in her family to ever leave her husband she tried to leave him and uh she went to her brother and her brother
00:42:26
took her back to the husband of course that was abusive and he said your job as a woman is to be his wife poor women
00:42:34
dude to me like that's what I would that's what I would say my life would be my life would be to this
00:42:39
I was raised as a kid in Texas to make sure that my brothers were taken care of
00:42:44
all the men you know had more rights than I was and that's why it's kind of weird but I get to do stand-up and that
00:42:50
I've gotten to the place that I've been at because it's a total 180 from where I grew up in you know so like for me I
00:42:57
wouldn't say you're going to be a community organizer or something you seem like one of those people that were like you know they need better rights
00:43:04
you're back in the day half my life is that like right now that's what uh like I'm going to DC
00:43:10
um tomorrow to uh do uh anyway what about you Frankie
00:43:21
feet around someone's dick oh he missed that he wasn't here
00:43:29
that's my side Hustle
00:43:35
all right well I proposed this earlier somebody hey homie that's party yeah yeah yeah if somebody dm'd you and said
00:43:42
hey bro I'm a big fan um you know I'm a billionaire right how
00:43:47
much would I have to pay you I don't know billionaires talk like that hey bro
00:43:52
I'm a big fan I'm a billionaire he invented lowriders hey bro I invented low riders
00:44:01
[Laughter] yeah 500 years
00:44:09
is that a guitar or a singer or a player yeah it's like though yeah it's a whole
00:44:16
crew yeah it's a it's a group oh and Mariachi is a group yeah the Mariachis so if like one guy said whatever um
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00:47:38
you rabbit [ __ ] yeah yeah
00:47:43
when guys rabbit [ __ ] do you like it or not I I didn't even know Robin [ __ ] was a thing
00:47:49
of a short guy yeah I mean Asia's called the sewing machine
00:48:00
okay here we go so no one's ever rapid [ __ ] you like really fast
00:48:05
really so you do slow for him [Laughter]
00:48:14
do you always sewing machine what I do sewing machine all the time every time do you think that in your head I'm like
00:48:21
oh I'm [ __ ] you're good no why does he have a Mexican accent
00:48:27
yeah you know but I'll do slow for him and then all of a sudden you know if you
00:48:33
could see him if I was a cartoon you would see a light bulb and then you would see that would vanish
00:48:40
if you see a rabbit right and then I'm like rabbit time and I'll do it for like
00:48:46
20 stages hard right leg hard and the r and the girls I don't know what their
00:48:52
faces are like but it's I don't think they like it I think they're like like this is weird yeah it's too fast
00:48:59
it's too fast this is for him yeah
00:49:07
yes for him I think I'm doing it for her but it's probably no it's not for her no
00:49:12
it's not for her it's not for her at all that right there when you start doing that they think that it's all about you
00:49:18
and you're interested in getting it off and you're not gonna do [ __ ] for her oh that's offensive what you just said
00:49:24
because it's true no because because you're saying that when I rabbit [ __ ] at the end of my rabbit [ __ ] does come
00:49:31
it's not no I go back to slow form no no no I'm saying I go back to sleep no it's
00:49:37
not offensive because I'm saying that's what they think at that moment ah so they don't know what's coming but
00:49:42
literally after one day I start going back into slow form I would say
00:49:49
so I would say so yeah it's
00:50:04
[Laughter]
00:50:11
not like when you're playing the power of your character rabbit [ __ ] is full power and then
00:50:17
you're like oh I gotta like wait to load up again right right the little energy bar kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you
00:50:24
gotta like take it to the edge yeah like you gotta find like a life support [ __ ] or something yeah some crates you know
00:50:31
I'm old I'm not in shape yeah I can wrap it for five for days or my early 20s I always pictured you it
00:50:38
was like a rabbits yeah are you serious bro I kissed a rabbit folks for days
00:50:45
rabbit [ __ ] is like a vibrator
00:50:50
[Laughter]
00:50:59
I always pictured you as a I'm just gonna lay on my back and have the girl ride you you seem like that kind of guy
00:51:09
like he's your slacker guy you know what I mean I just I totally would not
00:51:15
picture you doing the sewing machine because you're like you know you even say it you don't like to do anything
00:51:20
you're [ __ ] lazy wow he's like Bobby's accepting all of this like he's like really processing
00:51:27
this yeah you know what's weird whenever they say something you laugh hysterically I say something
00:51:32
no okay [Laughter]
00:51:42
well you're saying um I think about right because it's very
00:51:47
um potent what you're saying and real and I'm trying to analyze what you're saying that's why oh yeah yeah yeah
00:51:54
um because you do like being on uh a girl on top that's true but can I say something right now my friend yeah my
00:52:00
old friend you get Amigo yep you can wrap a style from the bottom what's up dog
00:52:06
you're doing the under power thrust [Laughter]
00:52:17
I will tell you this I think that uh women or maybe me yeah when I meet a guy
00:52:23
I imagine how they're gonna [ __ ] right and sometimes I don't want to [ __ ] them by what they look like all right how
00:52:30
about this this is great and by that have you ever been surprised though when you thought you had a homie figure it out barely okay how about this but I'll
00:52:37
tell you this and I I but when I say let me disclaim it when I say by what they look like I don't mean physical looks I
00:52:44
mean by like like when you were saying the slacker thing yeah like I I agreed with you all right so let's let's play
00:52:51
this game wait wait you don't know Frankie Johnny or me no right we're at a
00:52:57
[ __ ] we could be at a bar or quinceanera whatever you want okay right
00:53:11
in um Albuquerque been there love it okay so we're in a
00:53:16
bar of Albuquerque right we're homies yeah that's three we walk in yeah hey
00:53:21
homie you know how we do yeah yeah you know how we do it right and you're
00:53:27
looking at us so go to Johnny first how would he [ __ ] just based on his look and
00:53:33
be real Johnny is a strong guy he's a comic Legend well she doesn't know that whole
00:53:39
backstory though she's going based off just look yeah she said that's what she said okay okay that's what she said she can do I would say that Johnny likes to
00:53:46
take his time in a good way I think that just by looking at him I know that he's not like he's not in his
00:53:52
20s so he actually has been around where he might have picked up a couple lessons like a lot of tips so I think that for
00:53:58
me like just seeing that I'm like you know what if I saw Johnny at a bar and like we were in that room I would be
00:54:04
like you know what I would maybe chance it you know what I mean I would probably you know it's like because because of
00:54:10
the it's like what and by the way question like when I say that I assume like you know that I guess what the guys
00:54:16
are and stuff I also mean that I've talked to them a little bit too you know what I mean so okay you wanna get some
00:54:23
conversations going on I just wanted to have that okay but you
00:54:28
know what kind of vaguely what he talks like yeah yeah I would be like just from that and like what he looks like I would
00:54:34
be like he might be a no he might be like a decent [ __ ] Frankie Frankie I think
00:54:43
this could hurt how do you feel right now she's pretty
00:54:49
spot on and I'll tell you oh so gross no no let me tell you why yeah I don't
00:54:57
know if it's because I was raised the three older sisters no brothers oh here we go I take care of the woman first it's all
00:55:05
about her people rarely do that yeah I know women like they rarely do that men men don't it's all about them so I take
00:55:12
my I I've always I'm not I'm not lying I've been told I'm very one one word
00:55:18
that's been used for me for years and years passionate and I'm very passionate oh I I'm with vomiting in my mouth yeah
00:55:24
oh that's so yeah wow I take my time I make sure she's all right yeah yeah I do
00:55:32
that too dog all right we do it too dog she's pretty close all right let's go to Frankie now
00:55:38
now I would think that Frankie if we were at a bar I would be excited to see him if we talk I'm like oh you know what
00:55:45
this could go either way you could either be really great but I doubt it because I actually think that he's the
00:55:52
kind of guy that would that would probably have a couple choices and when people have a couple choices they don't
00:55:58
really focus on one person because they're spreading it around so what you're saying is I don't have any choices
00:56:04
[Laughter]
00:56:21
and that's true I feel good no no no and she's and she's spot on I've never been
00:56:28
a guy that had a bunch of options I've never been a woman that's had a lot of options like I've never had options he's
00:56:34
lying well I I'm telling the truth you are lying that was only because you see
00:56:39
me perform and I was young when he was young and the hottest comic in L.A this
00:56:44
guy used to be the hottest comic in LA right when he says this leather jacket I used to watch it from
00:56:51
the back I go this guy's a rock star yeah a [ __ ] rock star but that but the girls are hooked up with me because
00:56:56
I was on stage Bobby that's David [Laughter]
00:57:02
enough about that not me
00:57:16
Pain's coming so I need some support that's why I look at Carlos right I know some Pain's coming I'm not gonna lock
00:57:22
eyes with you during this segment right I'm gonna look at Carlos right and I'm not gonna have any expressions and I'm
00:57:28
gonna take it like a man go ahead uh since you said that we had already talked I think that I would consider you
00:57:35
very hard to impress on my end I think that you're actually somebody that you know because you think that you're not
00:57:41
[ __ ] or whatever but the way that you talk you're actually somebody that's very
00:57:47
intimidating towards a woman so because like the way that you talk you're not playing any games that that
00:57:53
the women are used to you are not like you are not what women are used to dealing with so they don't know what the
00:57:59
[ __ ] to do with you so like imagine like you know that's why when Johnny was saying that you look like a like because
00:58:05
you gave off the slacker Vibes you would expect that the woman would be like dominant meaning that you want to be
00:58:10
dominant and like not doing anything because and that is actually very confusing because at this point it's
00:58:16
just like wait I either a I'm gonna have to do all the work because you seem like
00:58:22
you don't give a [ __ ] enough like like where you're just like happy you're like calm you're where you are like whatever
00:58:29
but when I talk to you it's just like man does he want to [ __ ]
00:58:35
or not and it's that thing where like so when we actually get to have sex [ __ ] yeah you know it's like I don't it's a
00:58:42
riddle because and I'll tell you this I will say oh it's a mind game I'm a Batman villain
00:58:50
Benjamin like you wait your turn
00:58:56
no you know why you're a henchman because people don't know [ __ ] about the backstory of the henchmen and that's you
00:59:02
oh wow you know what I mean everybody but I am evil you got you got a bad side to you oh
00:59:07
there we go but with Bobby do you think the end result would be satisfying or you'd be doing it too much work there is
00:59:12
no answer because Bobby I will say [ __ ] Bobby is having like
00:59:17
is get buying a candy that's a mystery flavor and you don't know it's like a Harry Potter candy I don't know anything about
00:59:24
Harry Potter but like AirHeads they have a mystery flavor that's like question mark you're like a question mark what is
00:59:30
it like you would be I'm a mystery he's like somebody that I wouldn't know which way it's going to go right uh yeah yeah
00:59:36
like I could have a dick or a platypus foot oh no no you definitely have a dick but it's either like you know what it is
00:59:43
it's like I would either expect that like when you tell people like like I could either be like
00:59:49
[ __ ] Bobby Lee yeah exactly shut up [ __ ] you Frankie [ __ ] you
00:59:55
Frankie I never saw you this interesting I'm like oh wow yeah you know what because you know
01:00:02
um I was actually saying this right I think right before we started recording it's like the reason I said like when
01:00:07
Bobby asked me to be on the podcast today I said yes I like Bobby a lot because he's no [ __ ] so it's that
01:00:13
thing where like he doesn't hold back he's very him so like that's the thing that for me I'm like whatever he says
01:00:20
goes and it's just like and that's how you know who he is so at a bar if I saw
01:00:26
you and we talked I'm like that's what like at least I know who the [ __ ] you are you're not telling me that you're
01:00:32
looking for something serious you're not trying like just to get me like just to try to get me back into like two years
01:00:38
now now it's our turn
01:00:43
by the way I don't mean to Pivot real quick but she was talking about villains
01:00:48
uh I just want to ask a question because I find myself ever since I was a kid I
01:00:55
always gravitated to the villains and not the heroes me too okay I remember
01:01:01
watching the first you know the very first Star Wars and you know there's Luke there's
01:01:08
Han Solo or whatever I just was like nothing nothing I'm just like this as soon as I saw Darth Vader I'm like
01:01:15
there's my guy and I've always been I've I just lean toward I love the Riddler I
01:01:20
love the Joker's my favorite villain because they're complex characters I mean you look at Travis Bickle from Taxi
01:01:26
Driver right yeah I mean what a dark character but you're on his side because a lot of his um issues you kind of
01:01:33
relate to you know the isolation the overthinking you know you know I I if I
01:01:40
wasn't a stand-up comic and had the life that I had I could see myself not become a killer or anything like that but I
01:01:45
could see myself going dark and thinking a lot and yeah I mean is that weird inner thoughts you know I mean I just
01:01:51
don't act on them and whatnot but I I relate to those characters me too is that what it is maybe that's yeah I
01:01:57
think that to me it's kind of like I see certain villains as an underdog and it's because the way that we show The Good
01:02:05
the quote-unquote good how you're supposed to be kind of like the good team the good side is always very like
01:02:11
oh man they're just perfect vanilla like they're just oh man look at like they
01:02:17
have the looks like they have everything it's kind of like I always go back to like Bad News Bears right it's like a
01:02:23
team of just like these like people that come in together and try to make it work and like they're seen as the underdog
01:02:29
and a lot of the villains Darth Vader to me is kind of like a different thing because if you look at the merchandising
01:02:36
Darth Vader is just so dominant over the good side because the good side has so
01:02:42
many Heroes yeah but we always go back to Darth Vader right so he's dominant right but it's that thing where like
01:02:49
you're also so empathy there because you have the emperor yes right so you know he's not you know he's being manipulated
01:02:55
too from a guy above 100 and then he had a lot of trauma as a young kid right
01:03:01
yeah and younger issues yeah yeah when you see the prequels you actually start thinking like uh when you see Anakin's
01:03:08
rise you're thinking oh now I know why he's Darth you know and you kind of can't like what is it uh with like like
01:03:14
princess amidalia or whatever it's like you know you start seeing and you're like [ __ ] like now I get why he's a dick
01:03:20
you know what I mean yeah to me that's why like when we get to delve into the villains and honestly I think that the
01:03:28
villains the villains and the heroes those are labels that we create but in our everyday life we have villains and
01:03:35
we have Heroes that we label because the heroes are nice to us and the villains aren't and sometimes the villains aren't
01:03:41
nice to us because maybe we're the villains back to them you know so I love
01:03:47
that kind of [ __ ] yeah I'm probably a villain when I drink right Bobby oh yeah I changed to the villain yeah yeah
01:03:53
um that's interesting yeah yeah you know you said you brought up teams like the bad news bear when I was a kid my dad
01:04:01
was a Die Hard 49er fan right so I hear he had the whole outfit
01:04:07
you can finish I promise you will finish I promise you'll be finished let me just can I right you're a pivot King
01:04:14
and I love it I love to see you work okay all right yes let's go on baseball
01:04:20
now no no no no let me just say this I'm not going to go into base what I was but when I so I'm a 49er fan right the
01:04:27
colors gold red white it's a bright yeah I started watching the Raiders they were
01:04:33
mean they were dirty they cheated and they were black they were in black and I
01:04:39
just fell in love with that team dude oh my God and the jerseys were black
01:04:46
they were they had a lot their hair was outside of their helmets I mean they were called mullets
01:04:54
so I remember I switched to the you know broke my dad's heart the rest of my
01:04:59
family all Niner fans all of them and I went to the dark just because like she said she liked the bad news I love the
01:05:06
Raiders because they were they were they were mean and dirty dude and I as a kid
01:05:11
I was just like and I think that's because I got picked on a lot you know what I mean because I was the smallest kid in the class the middle guy yeah
01:05:18
yeah you know it's funny is that my family I'm the only Cowboys fan everybody in my
01:05:23
family Steelers yeah well because I want to say that in the 70s they had an exhibit game or
01:05:30
something in Mexico and my family just became in love with like the Steelers yeah and because I was
01:05:35
born and was raised in Texas I picked Cowboys and it's just that thing where like your family doesn't understand why they're like yeah it's almost like you
01:05:42
have a like like this problem yeah man yeah but anyway I just was
01:05:49
curious about that villains people with I I just didn't know that I but I guess other people do that and gravitate
01:05:55
towards I love Bobby's facial expressions throughout all of it he hides nothing like you're you talk about
01:06:01
trying to change it and he's like oh okay yeah but how come he keeps doing that face when I talk there's nobody
01:06:09
else I'll be honest completely honest with you can I be honest with you yeah Bobby of course because I know you the
01:06:16
best I have a long history with you yeah right and um yeah I mean I
01:06:23
I love you man yeah we visited his like if we visited
01:06:28
Bobby's house Frankie and I would use the guest bathroom oh you're in the man yeah you're like oh wow you get to eat
01:06:35
soaps yeah my body washes yeah yeah yeah we do go back man you know I met you and
01:06:41
we met in 98. I know oh my God I know that's 25 years ago it's insane what 25
01:06:47
I thought it was 98. 25 years ago man I was gonna add 10. no
01:06:54
you're thinking 90 you're thinking 88. 88 is 35 years ago
01:07:02
98 is 25. how old do you think we are well apparently from your stories yeah
01:07:09
well I'm older than Bob yeah no yeah I mean I've known you I was um
01:07:14
enamored by you yeah anyway and I was the only one nice to Bobby at
01:07:19
the gravity store let me just say this okay great episode oh are we done yeah another great
01:07:27
episode chemistry was great yeah I I generally don't laugh that hard but with
01:07:32
these these ones when I do this he was going to say these ones was so fun too oh yeah yeah and they're
01:07:40
just oh you like the theme you like the theme ones not just themed I like being it with you know um people that I like
01:07:46
that are funny and seeing what the mixture because even the last one I didn't know what the mixture would be like it just could have gone awry yeah
01:07:54
you know what I mean yeah I haven't called Carlos and I go I don't know what this mixture is going to be like yeah I
01:08:00
mean so um but it was it's just beyond you know I mean
01:08:05
expectation Johnny can you look at this camera and say gracias porcer malos
01:08:10
Amigos say that again Los Amigos
01:08:16
gracias gracias for sale Amigos
01:08:22
gracias oh gracias you said like you said parsias
01:08:32
no no there isn't so I don't know that I
01:08:38
have never heard of that before so [Laughter] somebody said hey say thank you I would
01:08:46
just go gracias that's all I would say does that cover it
01:08:51
what he's trying to say is the way we close the shows somebody looks in the camera and goes thank you
01:08:57
for being a bad friend oh that's right okay okay
01:09:03
go ahead gracias
01:09:11
[Music] gracias Amigos
01:09:21
all right [Music]
![[CLEAN VERSION!] Open Chucanos & Closed Chichitos | Ep 118 ft. Fahim Anwar | Bad Friends](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EillbZD0pMc/mqdefault.jpg)
