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what up bad friends I am on my way back to the US of a from Aussie baby and I'm so very excited to go on tour me and Bob are on tour you want to get those tickets get those tickets at badfriendspod.com we added dates we
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added cities we added shows we had it shows in Riverside San Antonio Toronto Canada come out and show that love for
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bad friends pod we're doing a huge tour uh Oklahoma Kansas City St Louis Indianapolis Detroit Louisville Atlanta
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Memphis Norfolk Durham Charlotte San Antonio Houston Irving Spokane Seattle Portland Phoenix Jacksonville St
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Petersburg Hollywood Orlando Riverside San Diego Montclair Portchester Baltimore Philly Toronto and much much
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more we're adding as we go go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com you two are bad
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friends who are these two idiots [Music] or something we're bad friends it tore me apart from the movie [Laughter]
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Harry Styles I didn't know anything about until when until I heard a song called uh was it watermelon yeah he loved fruit dude well that's what I thought it was I was like man this guy
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loves that waffles [Laughter] you know what bro I feel like I'm being racist with the [ __ ] mustache and [ __ ] bro you know man welcome to yo dude
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Mexican Amigos okay it feels weird anyway oh my God you had another one underneath all the time
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I love it so well welcome to her yeah yeah yeah so good to see you guys man because let me tell you something man Andrew's been out of town and I've been doing this all alone and I needed
00:02:06
friends bro and we did it all Korean episode bro I thought what's next bro Mexicans do I
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[ __ ] love them bro we got a [ __ ] I want to introduce the people um in the room bro we've got a [ __ ]
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raccoon in the house yeah a [ __ ] raccoon is half raccoon half [ __ ] Mexican you know bro when's the last time you slept dog
00:02:30
I stayed up late last night but I have these all the time anyways dude it's at a point I need to get some work you're
00:02:37
gonna have to Michael Jackson it yeah I know you're gonna have to Michael Jackson underneath your eye because it's like it's so prominent listen
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I looked into it here's the problem are you a panda can I ask you that Panda's good too Panda raccoon do you want
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Johnny to have Sammy Sosa lids you know there's a laser there's a laser thing yeah but you have to go to somebody really good because if they
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take off too much dude then it gets it's like it'll be pale it's worse I don't know dude I don't know I think pale's better it's bad huh it's so I know it's
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you it's you some people just have dark circles yeah but it's bad look it's bad that's bad that's pretty bad I think so yeah but it's Gonna Get You know it's gonna get the dermatologist
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told me it's gonna get dark it's just gonna keep getting darker as I get older and it's gonna yeah yeah please don't
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get them done and it's gonna I have to see what happens like in about five years yeah it'll be they get it goes
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lower and lower oh please oh my god when we start calling him crater Sanchez bro try to hike it but they've never gone they've never seen again so we got
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Johnny Sanchez my old friend yeah buddy you good bro you have all right all right I'm sorry
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for making fun of you man that's right yeah it goes you will that's our relationship it's always been like that
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it'll never change yeah I love you it's you know what's funny it's just the next person well just real quick
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you always go it's always been funny you've always gone after my looks like you always make fun of me but you you
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called you Cricket yeah Cricket yeah but you you make fun of me like you look like
00:04:24
Brad Pitt that's what makes [ __ ] yeah I look like a chat yeah yeah yeah I know I
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I I look in the mirror okay and I I know where I'm at you know who I am yeah we're gonna talk about that right about
00:04:40
what dating and yeah yeah we will but can I introduce that's what I was gonna say yeah we have one that we have one Mexican that's not even shown up yet yeah he's on Mexican time he's on Mexico what's that mean anyway I get it
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I get it um so the next person that I want to introduce is somebody that I met many
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many years ago she was living in Dallas yes and you were working at the Addison Improv yeah I was the office manager
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you're the office manager oh my God and um I found out then that you were doing stand-up I had just started you just
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started and the way you Rose it was just I was so proud of you I'm still very proud of you um you just dug your way out and you you're so talented and funny Cristela
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Alonso she had her own sitcom what was it called Christopher oh my God it was actually called Nine is enough
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it could have been called Priscilla versus Cristela I mean no no and even then when he has a new show I'm like it could be Paul this time you never know yeah yeah
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um thanks for being here I haven't hung out with you in a while yeah and you and I called you out of the blue and you were like let's do it and um
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yeah um I was telling Johnny before the show um that we're at an age where um we're pretty much going to be um we're unfuckable
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and we have sad Futures ahead of us you know um do you oh you do you want do you do
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you uh can you see yourself with a woman that would be like in her late 40s early
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50s you like still like young that's crazy yeah you know what you're accusing me
00:06:33
what are you accusing me of no no like 20 you like girls that that are like 20s and like maybe early 30s listen
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I don't care about the age it's what I see yeah okay so you you probably wouldn't go out with a woman that's like
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48 49 50. it depends oh right I'm 44 by the way you look great you look wonderful okay all right but are you saying that's for me to be
00:06:57
careful the way I no no no no I don't give a [ __ ] no I'm saying like like I'm 44. I'm saying that there's people that are women that are 49 48 that really don't
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look you know it's like yeah it just depends yeah right if I'm in a bakery right and if the cake looks fresh I want
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to eat it right but if it's damaged you know what I mean there's you know rotting no wear and tear you mean to somewhere on terror yeah it's
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what I call moisturizer it's like I see like like there have been times and there have been times I do this [ __ ]
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all the time I will Google people I hated in high school and I know that we're the same age and a
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lot of them look like [ __ ] and it's because I tell people they never learn to moisturize so it's like we're the
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same it's like that thing about like not knowing how to take care of yourself maybe because you're too busy you're
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having a [ __ ] up life where you're trying to survive and [ __ ] like that whatever it is you didn't do it so people sometimes look different than
00:07:59
other people the same age because they just didn't they didn't take care of them moisturize it's about moisture like
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putting lotion on your face is that what you're saying yeah I'm simplifying it like that just to say that that's like the example can I give you can I add on
00:08:11
to that let's do it could it be about also stress levels yes absolutely well that's what I mean is that the
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moisturizing is just an example of how like people do extra steps sometimes that they probably don't even think
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about like yeah moisturizer is a thing obviously stress level because that's what I'm saying it's like if you have a life of survival of like trying to get
00:08:30
by or something or your shit's just [ __ ] up sometimes you trying to take care of yourself like physically is the
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last [ __ ] thing on your mind yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah the mind [ __ ] I suffer from depression and anxiety and
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when I get depressed I get depressed and when I feel like that I don't give a [ __ ] what I look like yeah yeah and
00:08:51
that's it it's kind of going to your fresh cake yeah yeah you know but you know also too
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culture oh what go ahead well I want you to talk culturally I I feel like white people age faster the lighter complected
00:09:09
people what are you saying seem to get more wrinkled earlier than people who have oily skin and darker complexion
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so you're saying black people look good you know well we all know that don't call them oily though that's weird
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no no no no my the Mexican like my dad has very oily skin yeah he's 80 gonna be 88 he looks fantastic is he the raccoon part of your family or no okay
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I did not get it from my mom or my dad where does that come from though that I had a great aunt that had it and I had
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an uncle that that had it yeah not my mom and dad oh you know what I just realized guys you look like you're about
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to play football um yeah yeah so that's cool anyway I love you thanks for coming out
00:10:06
hey you [ __ ] disappointed fist bump right yeah like I'll give you like Rachel bielson you know who that is yes yes I remember her yeah I know her and she's you know in their 40s right
00:10:21
and she's beautiful I mean I would you know I mean if I could date her I would probably you know I mean she
00:10:27
she had a baby with Darth Vader yeah yeah so that's the level that she's at right yeah yeah I'm just saying it's like a [ __ ] young Anakin yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:10:39
exactly because in the Star Wars Universe I'm a Jawa there's a Jawa [ __ ] [ __ ] no no I am like the Jar Jar Binks one night stand like in the Star Wars Universe would you
00:10:51
be I know I already know oh what's his uh the um I know what you are dude what remember that blue guy that was like flying he was the boss
00:11:02
he was the boss one of the newer ones yeah yeah yeah what was it what was his name the blue one that was yeah that's
00:11:09
you that dude [Laughter] oh my God that reminds you when people say like when people women come up to me they're
00:11:24
like you remind me of my friends what did I do to you you have big feet wide otherwise because I used I grew up barefoot like Apocalypto dude that's my
00:11:36
cousin yeah yeah like back in the day you probably could have just run up a tree
00:11:43
[Laughter] I was barefoot all the time we were really poor so my mom would give me one pair of shoes for the whole year so then
00:11:55
during the summer I used to be barefoot all the time I'd walk to the stores Barefoot and everything you know because
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so I have white feet whoa you know yeah I'm dropping some [ __ ] honest nuts no I really like it but they're pretty
00:12:06
pretty I've never seen them yeah yeah I will say go ahead that they are on the internet and I have been
00:12:12
approached in public by somebody that wanted me to to show them off yeah the fetishes yeah the foot fetish thing if I
00:12:18
wanted to like let's say I was a guy on the internet yeah I saw your feed yeah and I hit you up on DMD and I go hey how
00:12:25
much could I give you money-wise yeah so I just want your feet on my penis but I'll jerk off the tip
00:12:33
but just have the penis at the at the time he's putting some thought into this at the base right and I'll just you know
00:12:38
I'll take yeah I'll you know me and Lou I'll just jerk off can I come on your feet how much would you charge well
00:12:44
first of all I always hate these questions yeah because I would probably do that [ __ ] when I'm drunk for free
00:12:51
I hate when people say like how much would you blow somebody for a million dollars [ __ ] I've done that for a
00:12:57
nickel no I think that the has always been very well any fetish to me that I'm not for that much
00:13:09
this person's a stranger no that would do it sober you wouldn't do it at all I wouldn't do it for a million dollars no
00:13:15
because I can actually I I because I think I can make my million dollars some other way that's true okay
00:13:21
good good would you do it how would that work no oh the girl I'm a guy yeah I DM you
00:13:32
oh I love I love doing K Loco I didn't do Kayla oh yeah that's right you did it was not cool enough to do that is so crazy he turned it down I did I said no
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yeah well you were starting you were young you were starting I started there's a lot of [ __ ] that I didn't get yeah you know what this is interesting
00:13:51
so I started in Dallas moved to LA in Dallas I was kind of like the only Latina comic in the scene you know like then I moved to LA there are a lot of Latino Comics that didn't like me oh and
00:14:03
it was this thing where I didn't realize that there was this thinking and I I've talked to people about this all the time
00:14:10
a lot of the older comics and by that I mean people that had been doing it longer not like age-wise you're right
00:14:16
like they thought that I had disrespected them like when I met them by not trying to shake their hands and say hey it's really nice to me it's so
00:14:27
interesting you say this because it's like I have the same issues as you do but I'm beginning to think it's a
00:14:33
perception thing oh no I just stopped stop stop all right to you it's real yes okay yeah I believe that yeah okay but is there a perception
00:14:45
thing a little bit because people live listen I've I feel the same way I say it's all quiet everything just stops what's up bro you guys know him of
00:14:59
course yeah that's funny he he lowers his chairs it's all low rider oh let me get all low rider right here
00:15:15
um where were you Frankie it's Sunday right it's a Sunday 's a big deal for you people right yes Sunday is our Sunday
00:15:30
that's right I caught myself yeah yeah so you're with your family bro yeah yeah yeah yeah what were you guys doing uh you know we're just kicking into it
00:15:43
barbecue or no no it's rainy yeah oh [ __ ] is yeah yeah you can't barbecue inside did you eat food was that yeah yeah yeah
00:15:56
yeah good time yeah all right cool all right what's wrong with you right now yeah what's going on yeah you came in a
00:16:01
[ __ ] shifting yeah is this like the movie Speed where you can't say a full sentence yeah you're not high right no no no no yeah
00:16:14
you good yeah yeah yeah yeah you look cute oh thank you so so can I introduce him or no yeah oh yeah introduce and then and then let him
00:16:27
about what she was talking about because that's interesting I forgot what she was saying about you know
00:16:33
oh that's right she doesn't feel welcomed or whatever you know Frankie quinoes yeah I said it right yeah
00:16:42
yeah you mean total fit yeah one of my he's on the show second season now or no yeah you guys already shot it no we're like halfway through oh so you're in the middle of
00:17:27
production yeah yeah yeah yeah is it going well yeah yeah it's going good yeah wow you're really good on that show
00:17:32
man yeah oh thank you yeah I actually had an audition for the show I didn't do it I didn't do it why
00:17:37
because I couldn't I couldn't shoot the I was out of town I couldn't shoot the tape in the deadline or something but I
00:17:43
oh don't you hate when that happens yeah I don't get why the process is like that they're like hey we want you for this part we need it tomorrow
00:17:51
unbelievable it was like this like I remember I had an audition for a movie that that is coming out this year that
00:17:57
was that I got the audition like two years ago yeah right and it was a quick turnaround like hey you gotta turn this
00:18:03
in tomorrow right and I asked for an extra day because I was like flying back right and they're like uh no we got to
00:18:09
do this right now that [ __ ] did not get cast for another eight months and I was
00:18:14
like come on really yeah dude they're [ __ ] Liars they are they're [ __ ] liars and it's like we all [ __ ] dance for them right we want to see it now and
00:18:25
you know what I say to them man [ __ ] you yeah you're not gonna see it we'll be poor and we're never gonna make it
00:18:31
that's not what you say what do I say yes right now and just start dancing oh you think I'm a dancer are you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] dude you're right
00:18:42
I am a dancer yeah I have done that at midnight I have because when you're at my age you're like you you hear the talk clicking
00:18:56
clock talk clicking it's not a good thing for a show let me just talk like a talk show talk clicking hey home hey homie
00:19:09
clock ticking I [ __ ] it up it's okay no you didn't you create a magic okay so my point is is
00:19:16
this right so you think this is my only shot you know I mean like in my in your 30s you go oh my god dude we had so I
00:19:24
know when I think back up of how many times I said no for auditions like what by
00:19:30
tomorrow now [ __ ] that just oh yeah I'm not gonna go in I know they gotta give
00:19:36
me more time they don't they won't give me more time Johnny well they're not [ __ ] I'm not gonna go in but you regret it now I should have just said
00:19:43
that's a lesson to you [ __ ] do it oh I know no I'm very picky about the [ __ ] I do I say no all the time yeah I know
00:19:50
people are gonna regret the notes that's what he just said no because you know what I you can either regret find those
00:19:55
or you can regret the yeses because then you see the [ __ ] that you you that you were done with like that you did or
00:20:01
shot yeah then you regret what the [ __ ] you did okay let me say something okay
00:20:10
[Laughter] you're right you're right you have integrity no here's because even the shitty [ __ ] that
00:20:22
you I've said yes to things right and it didn't turn out the way yeah I thought it was going to turn out but you always
00:20:28
learn from these situations yes you meet oh you always it's all about relationships yes this town right so
00:20:35
I've done shitty things met somebody and then three years later gotten a job another person that I met my point is is
00:20:40
that it's not all out the window and a waste of time no here here's my thing I am very like uh I have learned the industry has taught me that in order for
00:20:51
me to be on TV I have to write the thing myself for me you know what I mean now that's
00:20:57
because people for some reason can't write for me because they make assumptions of who the [ __ ] the Latino
00:21:03
character is not even me so it's like this thing I realized yes when I had my sitcom I was in every [ __ ] audition I was in the room in every audition and I
00:21:14
would see their resumes as they came in and I noticed that with the Latinos like the Latino men Latino women they didn't
00:21:22
have comedy experience because we weren't writing for them so how the [ __ ] do you teach timing how the [ __ ] do you
00:21:28
teach how to people how to act in sitcoms if you're not casting if you're not writing the parts so for me for me
00:21:33
to be on TV because at that point you know it's like people told me you'll never be on TV you're fat you got a
00:21:39
Crooked Tooth so for me I was like that's great people got that specifically wow damn that's it oh but the only thing
00:21:54
but the thing is is that like I had put it out of my mind that I was ever gonna be on TV because they told me I was
00:22:01
never going to be on TV but I wrote my show and I accidentally got on TV yeah you know so it's like this thing though when I see like roles that come to me I don't fit the box that they want for
00:22:14
Latinas so I end up getting a lot of sassy a lot of sassy roles that end up getting cast by black women because I don't fit the box that they want I always say that with Latinas you're a
00:22:25
sex pot everybody wants to [ __ ] you and then you have to go away and like slightly retire for 10 15 years and then
00:22:32
you come back as the grandmother yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah I did not come to this country yeah
00:22:45
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00:26:03
ladies and gentlemen that's zocdoczocdoc.com bad friends zocdoc.com bad friends do you ever guys think about like what you guys go ahead no no I just
00:26:14
want to jump I'm going to jump back on which auditions and roles and stuff go ahead well no I want you to go now right
00:26:21
now before because because I'm gonna we're going to a different direction oh okay you know what I've noticed recently
00:26:27
with auditions for let's Mexican or Latino roles in general they've been requiring a lot of Spanish
00:26:38
Frankie's good you're the man I have to I could I can't do like conversational like getting interviewed in Spanish I
00:26:44
was like [ __ ] up okay you're kind of like me then but I script that I could do yeah well let me let me give you some sentences
00:26:50
I want to give you some sentences let's see if you guys can do it let's do a [ __ ] little game here okay all right
00:26:55
excuse me where's the um bathroom yeah there we go yeah but I I wouldn't have he should have asked me first because
00:27:07
he just got a point yeah wow am I playing because my first language or whatever yeah yeah because you also said excuse me so the correct thing
00:27:31
would have been comparison oh yeah oh yeah see I wouldn't be able to do that I'd
00:27:43
have to call my mom yeah and then my mom will tell me how to say it I would write it down phonetically
00:27:49
not in Spanish I would write it down I grew up in farmland and my parents speak Spanish yeah so
00:27:56
what happened I understand it we just never we we they didn't teach us Spanish were you part of the generation where your parents spoke Spanish but they didn't want you speaking Spanish because it was like you got another job yeah
00:28:09
no in my neighborhood it was like like there were a lot of people like that spoke Spanish parents that had kids that
00:28:15
wouldn't teach them English because it almost seemed like you mean Spanish in Spanish because because it almost felt
00:28:20
in a weird way and I don't mean this but it's like like it's like it's almost like a promotion like they were here in
00:28:25
the United States you know what I mean yeah this is why this is what happened my dad you know my mom's a stay-at-home mom my dad's like I'll work you know
00:28:32
back in the day right the old school style so he he told my mom you teach him Spanish at home but then my mom said no I don't want to teach them Spanish because she thought we would have an
00:28:44
accent and when she was growing up they put all the Mexican kids in the back Who had who had accents they put him in the
00:28:51
back of the class so my mom was like no I don't want them to have any accents so which is not true
00:28:58
it is true look look what I mean it doesn't have an accent and they put me here in the back of the of the podcast
00:29:03
you see oh yeah they do yeah yeah colonizer can you do this podcast hey man that's not a Mexican either Carlos or are you Mexican really these are real Mexicans here I'm really
00:29:26
Mexican my parents are from Mexico City all right yeah well he's got his blood he's got his ancestors right is what and
00:29:33
you guys had asked see I would have been an Aztec warrior dude if it hadn't been for his ancestors coming over
00:29:41
Frankie and I would have been freaking Warriors bro anyway so get this let me tell you what
00:29:47
happened all right so so I did one I think it was for that show I did I did audition for that show uh
00:29:55
yeah anyway hentified remember that seriously yes yes but they required they even asked at one point when you're done with the audition like after you do you read
00:30:09
we want you to do 30 seconds a minimum of a convert tell us about yourself in Spanish minimum of 30 seconds dude so Rob de Rocha helped me I had to have Rob
00:30:21
dorocha come over because he's fluent okay so and then I'm doing poor guys like he's trying to help me then there was a couple of lines and I have I gotta I gotta post this one of these days but
00:30:33
I read my line in Spanish and Rob starts to deliver his line and he just starts laughing like he's like so bad it was that bad and in I I read my line
00:30:44
whatever it was independently yeah that's great that's great again what you just said I don't remember what it was but it was
00:31:04
something like that yeah [Music] laughing his ass off I go what happened he goes dude it's just yeah you're not sick like I don't because I and because he did that in the audition you probably
00:31:21
[ __ ] yourself up oh that was that was it right there you know it was a home to go in with that but no no no it was tape
00:31:28
he was tape and he sent it in but still I he he just kind of went he took the best out of all the bad all the bad ones
00:31:36
and he just goes I would send that one he goes besides white people are going to think maybe if the producers aren't
00:31:43
Latino or they're not Mexican they might think it's okay but I've been seeing a lot of Spanish and auditions dude and that's just that it's a it's a I can't do I can't do that but you can no no I
00:31:56
cannot have a conversation like he said I can't look at them Australians right that learn how to speak in an American
00:32:02
accent hey look at me this is you know so if you had an audition and if oh you do speak Korean right no okay yeah yeah so could you speak South Korea could you go in a if it's if it's an audition and
00:32:35
you're supposed to have a conversation back and forth would you be no okay no no no no no so do you get hit up for
00:32:42
auditions like that yeah but my age does not go he's not gonna do it yeah okay they already know yeah because I can't
00:32:47
I've tried it even my Asian accent sucks I have two types yeah high and low that sounds like an Asian's name how are you doing today like Chinese you know what I mean yeah
00:32:59
well yeah yeah you know and then and then you do that Japanese thing a lot yeah yeah but sometimes I think but can I pivot
00:33:10
now a little bit or no yeah yeah yeah I just wanted to say that I'm noticing this has not been good for me lately because there I don't know what's going
00:33:17
on and why everybody's requiring Spanish these roles but you know look at Pedro Pascal and these guys do I mean they're
00:33:23
they're already fluent so it's so I gotta write my in other words kind of kind of going off of what christelle was talking about for me I I feel like I have to do the same thing because they're not going to write [ __ ] for a
00:33:35
coconut dude they don't want Hollywood doesn't want coconut you know people what coconut is Browning the outside
00:33:41
white on the inside I'm a banana you're a banana Filipinos are Twinkies are Twinkies yeah yeah what are you well
00:33:48
same thing as you say pocho is like uh yeah but butcher's bad that's a that's a that's a that's a low dig it is I used to get bites over pocho dude when I was in school it's similar to coconut though
00:34:00
yeah yeah but isn't it what could that sounds worse a couple of implications there that
00:34:06
you're kind of crazy okay okay because we said uh Koreans a banana right Filipinos Twinkie we know blacks Oreo right yes can I just say something wait
00:34:18
let me get this one out guess what I found out Native Americans call the white wash ones what radish
00:34:25
how great is that one that's great because of red yeah wow red on the outside white on the end of America why
00:34:31
is it all about food I know I know there's some [ __ ] hungry generalizers yeah white in the inside it's not we're American
00:34:49
I was born in America yeah and I'm an American yeah you know what I you know what I I don't call myself a Mexican but you know what I consider a Mexican-American what is somebody who's born in Mexico and then came here and
00:35:01
became and and then got their citizenship and became or Armenian um American I was calling myself American
00:35:07
Mexican when I was in school and everybody laughed at me back then yeah you guys love Antonio Banderas Antonio
00:35:14
Banderas oh my god dude I love it yeah is he Mexican no no no no no he's Spanish right yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:35:29
dude that that I remember that preview from uh the trailer from Interview with a Vampire back in the day we used to die
00:35:36
laughing because the announcer would be like you know Tom Cruise Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas
00:35:44
yeah was he was at the movie yeah yes Interview with a Vampire he was well he was a Spanish vampire oh that's right
00:36:07
[Laughter] I just want to say remember one time on mad oh my god oh I was supposed to come out they were doing a fake thing that
00:36:21
that mad was going over to Mexico Mad TV yeah that show was going to start airing we were both on Mad TV yeah and so
00:36:28
Colton Dunn love Colton right great writer actor I don't like this you're just you're just going through the motion so I get this over with he's telling for a
00:36:40
new generation who's watching this got it that's true they don't even know about it he wrote a monologue for me to
00:36:47
come out and and I was gonna do it and uh so he wrote it in English and then he just hit the translation Spanish honey I
00:36:54
don't know what kind of Spanish that was all right there were words in there I had never I was like what is this and Colton's like it's I just hit
00:37:00
translation on Google um I'm so proud to work with you it was fun yeah it was a fun two years yeah yeah yeah go on you know what that was
00:37:12
that you can cut out no we're not that last piece no yeah yeah pivot panic [Laughter] a little bit um
00:37:29
you about to Pivot you know I kind of don't want a pivot now I feel like the pivot's not gonna
00:37:36
work no no yeah do you have any desire to learn speak more Korean or are you just like I am who I am that's it well I just don't know how that would help me okay because you know um Koreans you
00:37:49
know are doing well in movies but the Koreans in Korea are making their movies I'll never be as good right as them to
00:37:55
be in a movie like that so it's like and the I I don't really get Asian parts anymore I'm just like I think I'm more
00:38:02
known as a slackery [ __ ] up you know I mean and so I'm getting kind of those stonery kind of which is actually a
00:38:08
really cool place to be at yeah yeah once you become I'm excited because but once you be it's you know called it like
00:38:14
you're once you become a type yeah you can work all forever so like those actors that are character
00:38:21
actors they they're a type like Luis Guzman this dude is work because he's always gonna be when they go hey we need
00:38:28
kind of like a sloppy Hispanic dude it's Luis Guzman yeah they're gonna go to Louise every single time yeah he's a type he's been a type for 30. even if like if I'm I'm on reservation dogs and
00:38:40
I play a doctor I'm the same kind of as the Magnum I'm just what a great part yeah you know
00:38:59
I love you I have talked to them it was but I can't attack her no but she's bringing up great points she's making an entry you guys are killing it this is so fun thank you so
00:39:12
much for being here that just seems I've been so [ __ ] fun oh I love it okay thank you okay all right um pivot he only pointed to us because you were late yeah no I love it bro you
00:39:27
have family time you have fun with you I know whatever was like yeah they're gonna have Mexican there bad friends I was like what yeah yeah Mexican who do you think I was
00:39:40
gonna be here I was like oh I don't know like a big old homie I I wasn't even told that it was Mexican day when I told you it was with the two
00:39:50
people that that are on here you didn't make that assumption no I just thought that we were Comics oh you're right
00:39:57
he told me and then I come here and it's a [ __ ] like yeah they're trying to betray you it's a betrayal again the Spanish so I always think to
00:40:11
myself if I see a western or whatever right I think to myself oh if I was an Asian back then and who I am now yeah
00:40:19
with all my eccentric behaviors and who I am what would I do like a hundred years ago what job would I have what kind of woman would I have as a wife you know in America what do you guys think
00:40:31
you'd be doing I would I would have oh like if I grew up with my dad's era my dad was born in
00:40:38
1935 yeah um I probably would have been like him like a lot of Labor work construction pool plastic little too so what's that got to do with it yeah what
00:40:51
does that have to do with construction because if I own the farm I would just go look at the little guy yeah
00:41:01
[ __ ] you know you would have went to an interim Camp if you not even being Japanese you probably would have been such an internet because they would have just been like we don't care if you're
00:41:11
Korean we're pretty sure there were some Koreans there like what are we doing here right yeah like that yeah so you
00:41:19
would be working I know right it's like you know it's actually that does sound like a Mexican accent if you did the whole like what are you doing here yeah go up yeah go up
00:41:31
what are you doing here what about you Crystal um I think I already know what you'd be
00:41:36
but go ahead I come from a family that's very old-fashioned my dad kidnapped my mom
00:41:42
and what like her Village in Mexico your dad kidnapped your mom that's how people got married back then wow like a simpler
00:41:50
days yeah imagine if you were still unfuckable in those days oh no what if my kidnapped skills aren't good no it's
00:42:00
not you have to lure you would have no choice yeah no the man would just go to the
00:42:07
house and make the woman go with him and the woman had no option so that's my mom
00:42:13
so I would say that if she eventually fell in love with your dad no okay no no no no my mom was actually the first
00:42:19
woman in her family to ever leave her husband she tried to leave him and uh she went to her brother and her brother
00:42:26
took her back to the husband of course that was abusive and he said your job as a woman is to be his wife poor women
00:42:34
dude to me like that's what I would that's what I would say my life would be my life would be to this
00:42:39
I was raised as a kid in Texas to make sure that my brothers were taken care of all the men you know had more rights than I was and that's why it's kind of weird but I get to do stand-up and that
00:42:50
I've gotten to the place that I've been at because it's a total 180 from where I grew up in you know so like for me I
00:42:57
wouldn't say you're going to be a community organizer or something you seem like one of those people that were like you know they need better rights
00:43:04
you're back in the day half my life is that like right now that's what uh like I'm going to DC
00:43:10
um tomorrow to uh do uh anyway what about you Frankie feet around someone's dick oh he missed that he wasn't here
00:43:29
that's my side Hustle all right well I proposed this earlier somebody hey homie that's party yeah yeah yeah if somebody dm'd you and said
00:43:42
hey bro I'm a big fan um you know I'm a billionaire right how much would I have to pay you I don't know billionaires talk like that hey bro
00:43:52
I'm a big fan I'm a billionaire he invented lowriders hey bro I invented low riders
00:44:01
[Laughter] yeah 500 years is that a guitar or a singer or a player yeah it's like though yeah it's a whole
00:44:16
crew yeah it's a it's a group oh and Mariachi is a group yeah the Mariachis so if like one guy said whatever um
00:44:26
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00:47:38
you rabbit [ __ ] yeah yeah when guys rabbit [ __ ] do you like it or not I I didn't even know Robin [ __ ] was a thing
00:47:49
of a short guy yeah I mean Asia's called the sewing machine okay here we go so no one's ever rapid [ __ ] you like really fast
00:48:05
really so you do slow for him [Laughter] do you always sewing machine what I do sewing machine all the time every time do you think that in your head I'm like
00:48:21
oh I'm [ __ ] you're good no why does he have a Mexican accent yeah you know but I'll do slow for him and then all of a sudden you know if you
00:48:33
could see him if I was a cartoon you would see a light bulb and then you would see that would vanish
00:48:40
if you see a rabbit right and then I'm like rabbit time and I'll do it for like 20 stages hard right leg hard and the r and the girls I don't know what their
00:48:52
faces are like but it's I don't think they like it I think they're like like this is weird yeah it's too fast
00:48:59
it's too fast this is for him yeah yes for him I think I'm doing it for her but it's probably no it's not for her no
00:49:12
it's not for her it's not for her at all that right there when you start doing that they think that it's all about you
00:49:18
and you're interested in getting it off and you're not gonna do [ __ ] for her oh that's offensive what you just said
00:49:24
because it's true no because because you're saying that when I rabbit [ __ ] at the end of my rabbit [ __ ] does come
00:49:31
it's not no I go back to slow form no no no I'm saying I go back to sleep no it's
00:49:37
not offensive because I'm saying that's what they think at that moment ah so they don't know what's coming but
00:49:42
literally after one day I start going back into slow form I would say so I would say so yeah it's
00:50:04
[Laughter] not like when you're playing the power of your character rabbit [ __ ] is full power and then
00:50:17
you're like oh I gotta like wait to load up again right right the little energy bar kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you
00:50:24
gotta like take it to the edge yeah like you gotta find like a life support [ __ ] or something yeah some crates you know
00:50:31
I'm old I'm not in shape yeah I can wrap it for five for days or my early 20s I always pictured you it
00:50:38
was like a rabbits yeah are you serious bro I kissed a rabbit folks for days rabbit [ __ ] is like a vibrator
00:50:50
[Laughter] I always pictured you as a I'm just gonna lay on my back and have the girl ride you you seem like that kind of guy
00:51:09
like he's your slacker guy you know what I mean I just I totally would not picture you doing the sewing machine because you're like you know you even say it you don't like to do anything
00:51:20
you're [ __ ] lazy wow he's like Bobby's accepting all of this like he's like really processing
00:51:27
this yeah you know what's weird whenever they say something you laugh hysterically I say something
00:51:32
no okay [Laughter] well you're saying um I think about right because it's very um potent what you're saying and real and I'm trying to analyze what you're saying that's why oh yeah yeah yeah
00:51:54
um because you do like being on uh a girl on top that's true but can I say something right now my friend yeah my
00:52:00
old friend you get Amigo yep you can wrap a style from the bottom what's up dog you're doing the under power thrust [Laughter]
00:52:17
I will tell you this I think that uh women or maybe me yeah when I meet a guy I imagine how they're gonna [ __ ] right and sometimes I don't want to [ __ ] them by what they look like all right how
00:52:30
about this this is great and by that have you ever been surprised though when you thought you had a homie figure it out barely okay how about this but I'll
00:52:37
tell you this and I I but when I say let me disclaim it when I say by what they look like I don't mean physical looks I
00:52:44
mean by like like when you were saying the slacker thing yeah like I I agreed with you all right so let's let's play
00:52:51
this game wait wait you don't know Frankie Johnny or me no right we're at a [ __ ] we could be at a bar or quinceanera whatever you want okay right
00:53:11
in um Albuquerque been there love it okay so we're in a bar of Albuquerque right we're homies yeah that's three we walk in yeah hey
00:53:21
homie you know how we do yeah yeah you know how we do it right and you're looking at us so go to Johnny first how would he [ __ ] just based on his look and
00:53:33
be real Johnny is a strong guy he's a comic Legend well she doesn't know that whole
00:53:39
backstory though she's going based off just look yeah she said that's what she said okay okay that's what she said she can do I would say that Johnny likes to
00:53:46
take his time in a good way I think that just by looking at him I know that he's not like he's not in his
00:53:52
20s so he actually has been around where he might have picked up a couple lessons like a lot of tips so I think that for
00:53:58
me like just seeing that I'm like you know what if I saw Johnny at a bar and like we were in that room I would be
00:54:04
like you know what I would maybe chance it you know what I mean I would probably you know it's like because because of
00:54:10
the it's like what and by the way question like when I say that I assume like you know that I guess what the guys
00:54:16
are and stuff I also mean that I've talked to them a little bit too you know what I mean so okay you wanna get some
00:54:23
conversations going on I just wanted to have that okay but you know what kind of vaguely what he talks like yeah yeah I would be like just from that and like what he looks like I would
00:54:34
be like he might be a no he might be like a decent [ __ ] Frankie Frankie I think
00:54:43
this could hurt how do you feel right now she's pretty spot on and I'll tell you oh so gross no no let me tell you why yeah I don't
00:54:57
know if it's because I was raised the three older sisters no brothers oh here we go I take care of the woman first it's all
00:55:05
about her people rarely do that yeah I know women like they rarely do that men men don't it's all about them so I take
00:55:12
my I I've always I'm not I'm not lying I've been told I'm very one one word that's been used for me for years and years passionate and I'm very passionate oh I I'm with vomiting in my mouth yeah
00:55:24
oh that's so yeah wow I take my time I make sure she's all right yeah yeah I do that too dog all right we do it too dog she's pretty close all right let's go to Frankie now
00:55:38
now I would think that Frankie if we were at a bar I would be excited to see him if we talk I'm like oh you know what
00:55:45
this could go either way you could either be really great but I doubt it because I actually think that he's the
00:55:52
kind of guy that would that would probably have a couple choices and when people have a couple choices they don't
00:55:58
really focus on one person because they're spreading it around so what you're saying is I don't have any choices
00:56:04
[Laughter] and that's true I feel good no no no and she's and she's spot on I've never been
00:56:28
a guy that had a bunch of options I've never been a woman that's had a lot of options like I've never had options he's
00:56:34
lying well I I'm telling the truth you are lying that was only because you see me perform and I was young when he was young and the hottest comic in L.A this
00:56:44
guy used to be the hottest comic in LA right when he says this leather jacket I used to watch it from
00:56:51
the back I go this guy's a rock star yeah a [ __ ] rock star but that but the girls are hooked up with me because
00:56:56
I was on stage Bobby that's David [Laughter] enough about that not me Pain's coming so I need some support that's why I look at Carlos right I know some Pain's coming I'm not gonna lock
00:57:22
eyes with you during this segment right I'm gonna look at Carlos right and I'm not gonna have any expressions and I'm
00:57:28
gonna take it like a man go ahead uh since you said that we had already talked I think that I would consider you
00:57:35
very hard to impress on my end I think that you're actually somebody that you know because you think that you're not
00:57:41
[ __ ] or whatever but the way that you talk you're actually somebody that's very
00:57:47
intimidating towards a woman so because like the way that you talk you're not playing any games that that
00:57:53
the women are used to you are not like you are not what women are used to dealing with so they don't know what the
00:57:59
[ __ ] to do with you so like imagine like you know that's why when Johnny was saying that you look like a like because
00:58:05
you gave off the slacker Vibes you would expect that the woman would be like dominant meaning that you want to be
00:58:10
dominant and like not doing anything because and that is actually very confusing because at this point it's
00:58:16
just like wait I either a I'm gonna have to do all the work because you seem like
00:58:22
you don't give a [ __ ] enough like like where you're just like happy you're like calm you're where you are like whatever
00:58:29
but when I talk to you it's just like man does he want to [ __ ] or not and it's that thing where like so when we actually get to have sex [ __ ] yeah you know it's like I don't it's a
00:58:42
riddle because and I'll tell you this I will say oh it's a mind game I'm a Batman villain
00:58:50
Benjamin like you wait your turn no you know why you're a henchman because people don't know [ __ ] about the backstory of the henchmen and that's you
00:59:02
oh wow you know what I mean everybody but I am evil you got you got a bad side to you oh
00:59:07
there we go but with Bobby do you think the end result would be satisfying or you'd be doing it too much work there is
00:59:12
no answer because Bobby I will say [ __ ] Bobby is having like is get buying a candy that's a mystery flavor and you don't know it's like a Harry Potter candy I don't know anything about
00:59:24
Harry Potter but like AirHeads they have a mystery flavor that's like question mark you're like a question mark what is
00:59:30
it like you would be I'm a mystery he's like somebody that I wouldn't know which way it's going to go right uh yeah yeah
00:59:36
like I could have a dick or a platypus foot oh no no you definitely have a dick but it's either like you know what it is
00:59:43
it's like I would either expect that like when you tell people like like I could either be like
00:59:49
[ __ ] Bobby Lee yeah exactly shut up [ __ ] you Frankie [ __ ] you Frankie I never saw you this interesting I'm like oh wow yeah you know what because you know
01:00:02
um I was actually saying this right I think right before we started recording it's like the reason I said like when
01:00:07
Bobby asked me to be on the podcast today I said yes I like Bobby a lot because he's no [ __ ] so it's that
01:00:13
thing where like he doesn't hold back he's very him so like that's the thing that for me I'm like whatever he says
01:00:20
goes and it's just like and that's how you know who he is so at a bar if I saw you and we talked I'm like that's what like at least I know who the [ __ ] you are you're not telling me that you're
01:00:32
looking for something serious you're not trying like just to get me like just to try to get me back into like two years
01:00:38
now now it's our turn by the way I don't mean to Pivot real quick but she was talking about villains
01:00:48
uh I just want to ask a question because I find myself ever since I was a kid I always gravitated to the villains and not the heroes me too okay I remember
01:01:01
watching the first you know the very first Star Wars and you know there's Luke there's
01:01:08
Han Solo or whatever I just was like nothing nothing I'm just like this as soon as I saw Darth Vader I'm like
01:01:15
there's my guy and I've always been I've I just lean toward I love the Riddler I
01:01:20
love the Joker's my favorite villain because they're complex characters I mean you look at Travis Bickle from Taxi
01:01:26
Driver right yeah I mean what a dark character but you're on his side because a lot of his um issues you kind of
01:01:33
relate to you know the isolation the overthinking you know you know I I if I wasn't a stand-up comic and had the life that I had I could see myself not become a killer or anything like that but I
01:01:45
could see myself going dark and thinking a lot and yeah I mean is that weird inner thoughts you know I mean I just
01:01:51
don't act on them and whatnot but I I relate to those characters me too is that what it is maybe that's yeah I
01:01:57
think that to me it's kind of like I see certain villains as an underdog and it's because the way that we show The Good
01:02:05
the quote-unquote good how you're supposed to be kind of like the good team the good side is always very like
01:02:11
oh man they're just perfect vanilla like they're just oh man look at like they have the looks like they have everything it's kind of like I always go back to like Bad News Bears right it's like a
01:02:23
team of just like these like people that come in together and try to make it work and like they're seen as the underdog
01:02:29
and a lot of the villains Darth Vader to me is kind of like a different thing because if you look at the merchandising
01:02:36
Darth Vader is just so dominant over the good side because the good side has so many Heroes yeah but we always go back to Darth Vader right so he's dominant right but it's that thing where like
01:02:49
you're also so empathy there because you have the emperor yes right so you know he's not you know he's being manipulated
01:02:55
too from a guy above 100 and then he had a lot of trauma as a young kid right yeah and younger issues yeah yeah when you see the prequels you actually start thinking like uh when you see Anakin's
01:03:08
rise you're thinking oh now I know why he's Darth you know and you kind of can't like what is it uh with like like
01:03:14
princess amidalia or whatever it's like you know you start seeing and you're like [ __ ] like now I get why he's a dick
01:03:20
you know what I mean yeah to me that's why like when we get to delve into the villains and honestly I think that the
01:03:28
villains the villains and the heroes those are labels that we create but in our everyday life we have villains and
01:03:35
we have Heroes that we label because the heroes are nice to us and the villains aren't and sometimes the villains aren't
01:03:41
nice to us because maybe we're the villains back to them you know so I love that kind of [ __ ] yeah I'm probably a villain when I drink right Bobby oh yeah I changed to the villain yeah yeah
01:03:53
um that's interesting yeah yeah you know you said you brought up teams like the bad news bear when I was a kid my dad
01:04:01
was a Die Hard 49er fan right so I hear he had the whole outfit you can finish I promise you will finish I promise you'll be finished let me just can I right you're a pivot King
01:04:14
and I love it I love to see you work okay all right yes let's go on baseball now no no no no let me just say this I'm not going to go into base what I was but when I so I'm a 49er fan right the
01:04:27
colors gold red white it's a bright yeah I started watching the Raiders they were
01:04:33
mean they were dirty they cheated and they were black they were in black and I just fell in love with that team dude oh my God and the jerseys were black
01:04:46
they were they had a lot their hair was outside of their helmets I mean they were called mullets
01:04:54
so I remember I switched to the you know broke my dad's heart the rest of my family all Niner fans all of them and I went to the dark just because like she said she liked the bad news I love the
01:05:06
Raiders because they were they were they were mean and dirty dude and I as a kid
01:05:11
I was just like and I think that's because I got picked on a lot you know what I mean because I was the smallest kid in the class the middle guy yeah
01:05:18
yeah you know it's funny is that my family I'm the only Cowboys fan everybody in my
01:05:23
family Steelers yeah well because I want to say that in the 70s they had an exhibit game or
01:05:30
something in Mexico and my family just became in love with like the Steelers yeah and because I was
01:05:35
born and was raised in Texas I picked Cowboys and it's just that thing where like your family doesn't understand why they're like yeah it's almost like you
01:05:42
have a like like this problem yeah man yeah but anyway I just was curious about that villains people with I I just didn't know that I but I guess other people do that and gravitate
01:05:55
towards I love Bobby's facial expressions throughout all of it he hides nothing like you're you talk about
01:06:01
trying to change it and he's like oh okay yeah but how come he keeps doing that face when I talk there's nobody
01:06:09
else I'll be honest completely honest with you can I be honest with you yeah Bobby of course because I know you the
01:06:16
best I have a long history with you yeah right and um yeah I mean I I love you man yeah we visited his like if we visited
01:06:28
Bobby's house Frankie and I would use the guest bathroom oh you're in the man yeah you're like oh wow you get to eat
01:06:35
soaps yeah my body washes yeah yeah yeah we do go back man you know I met you and
01:06:41
we met in 98. I know oh my God I know that's 25 years ago it's insane what 25 I thought it was 98. 25 years ago man I was gonna add 10. no
01:06:54
you're thinking 90 you're thinking 88. 88 is 35 years ago 98 is 25. how old do you think we are well apparently from your stories yeah
01:07:09
well I'm older than Bob yeah no yeah I mean I've known you I was um enamored by you yeah anyway and I was the only one nice to Bobby at
01:07:19
the gravity store let me just say this okay great episode oh are we done yeah another great
01:07:27
episode chemistry was great yeah I I generally don't laugh that hard but with these these ones when I do this he was going to say these ones was so fun too oh yeah yeah and they're
01:07:40
just oh you like the theme you like the theme ones not just themed I like being it with you know um people that I like
01:07:46
that are funny and seeing what the mixture because even the last one I didn't know what the mixture would be like it just could have gone awry yeah
01:07:54
you know what I mean yeah I haven't called Carlos and I go I don't know what this mixture is going to be like yeah I
01:08:00
mean so um but it was it's just beyond you know I mean expectation Johnny can you look at this camera and say gracias porcer malos
01:08:10
Amigos say that again Los Amigos gracias gracias for sale Amigos gracias oh gracias you said like you said parsias
01:08:32
no no there isn't so I don't know that I have never heard of that before so [Laughter] somebody said hey say thank you I would
01:08:46
just go gracias that's all I would say does that cover it what he's trying to say is the way we close the shows somebody looks in the camera and goes thank you
01:08:57
for being a bad friend oh that's right okay okay go ahead gracias [Music] gracias Amigos
01:09:21
all right [Music]