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ladies and gentlemen welcome to the bad friends podcast with bobby lee and my boy andrew santino
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damn that's good you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude
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you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
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so if everyone's list are you you're recording we're recording [Laughter]
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that's what it sounds like so um he's from a different land you
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know that oh yeah yeah yeah so um andrew is uh shooting dave right
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now he's gonna be a little late jules is in hawaii surfing or something with kalila so she couldn't make it so
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we asked my man right here doc to fill in jules but now
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andrew's not here so we're just going to start without him see what happens yeah see what happens oh yeah yeah do you get
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[ __ ] [Laughter]
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you struggle to get the [ __ ] no no i never struggle that's the problem with you you always always yeah you're always
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here's something yeah yeah you you have this you live in bobby's world right now bobby's world yeah whatever he believes
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that's what's real and it's like no yeah yeah but you're me one time yeah go ahead you looked at me and you was like
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doc you're a nerd not go what did you know anything yeah yeah like if you said that to anybody else who knew me they'll
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be like yeah bro where you who are you talking to i okay stop all right i'm just i want to get to know you better
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that's all you do all right i wanted to get you that's why you're here i want to get to know you better so um you get a lot of [ __ ] then yeah i
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get what i get yeah yeah which is what like like in a year in a year dude dude
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here's here's mine be honest i'm telling you because i've never seen you with a girl but it don't matter what
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you see you know what i'm saying that's right right it doesn't matter what i see yeah what if you live in your world in
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your world right you think that you have all this stuff yeah if it's all in your head so that's what you went that's good
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yeah i get women and it's not it's not hard it's never and that's the thing about california i never even understood when dudes say they don't get women
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how's that possible how do you not get women coming like it's easy out here all day yeah you see
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you didn't even know you got famous right what you just don't get until you start getting famous right
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say that again you didn't start getting women until you got like thank you that's that right there dude it was rude what you're
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saying well you know i got kind of a little rude at me yeah yeah so what you're saying to me is that
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before i could get a name for myself i couldn't get any girls
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right is that what you're saying yeah that's 100 what i'm saying that's that's nice i don't even think you got to read between yeah
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i know i said that's so perfect let me just even honestly let me tell you that's something let me challenge you on that then okay
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how long have i known you shoot he says i probably pronounced him
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about 2001 so when i first started going to the conference right so 20 years 20 years yeah right
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not one time not one time okay have i seen you with a woman oh wow
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20 years but working at the store you've only seen me at the store working we're not arguing don't get emotional
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you're getting emotional here's your problem don't tell me what i have problems yeah go ahead and tell me what my problem is
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okay one problem problem is you're crazy to the [ __ ] yeah that's one right there yeah yeah
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yeah and like i said you live in this little bubble yeah and for some reason yeah you actually believe the [ __ ] that
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you have in your hand and it's not real i'll tell you why i'll tell you why though okay you know i i i i find you cute as a
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button you know kind of awkward yeah okay
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when i when i tell you that right how do you feel like nothing like okay thank you
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like i literally like want to like grab you oh [ __ ] i see
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you in my pocket and walk around i i think that you are just cute and number two i always
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thought that like how tall are you about three there's no way
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what how tall are you who's taller than your eye that's a good question
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i never even painted this okay let's do this
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you can't take away no because i we already measured myself who did we here at bad friends we already did
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the measurements no no no no no i'm not we could hey did we come here we can do it again we can do it
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again do it again no no we're not doing it again that's what i'm talking about all right so you're five five two
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you're not five two because i'm five three so i'm five four yes if at the end of all that one maybe five three and a
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half at the most you're i'm an inch taller than you for sure i just i just did it i just think you uh
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your shoulders is big no one's ever said that i've had big shoulders like michael phelps
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yeah little traps absolutely what i'm saying yeah so that this feels good this feels good so um you're five
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two five i'll just say five two i'm five three well let's just do let's go one inch lower okay okay
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and um i have to apologize for a couple of things all right let's hear it all right in our history yeah
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yeah you owe me some goddamn i follow you i will reduce you to come out yeah number one
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i remember when gary coleman died
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i i saw you at the comedy store and i walked up to you you were with a bunch of friends and stuff right and i i said
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to you i thought you had died yeah
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and
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but you had a faith and never apologized for that right so uh i don't think i was hurt bad
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huh yeah
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somewhere there was a baby that died somewhere when you say that that was you know what
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i don't know
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my bad america no baby died yeah yeah um number two my second apology
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is you open for me okay did you not host it for your never
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that's opening i thought the feature was though no they're both opening oh okay yeah what
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do you think the host is opening for the future no i just thought the host was like the warm-up dude not that no no no
00:07:15
you you you open right right right and i made you do some things
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on stage you don't remember like i said
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when you go up on stage you have to say yabba-dabba-doo oh yeah ten times and not tell the audience why you're saying
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it but yeah so man now y'all know what the the comic this is the equivalent to
00:07:38
frat hazing this is this yeah yeah yeah but then you'd have to go up yeah yeah and say yabba-dabba-doo
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in between jokes and not explain to the audience why you said it or that was the first yeah that
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was like the first thing i forgot all about man
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i told you to do another thing where i go just randomly when you're opening
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you have to just without explaining yourself you have to do a little hopscotch right like you know like they're doing
00:08:08
hopscotch right yeah and you have to do it across the stage and not tell the audience why you did that man you know it's funny because it's for
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me yeah i know but it's for my interview because between you and steve byrd and other
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like the the the crazy things that go on in these shows this is so much fun and you forget
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about all of that i forgot like especially you you are like yeah did i ever do this to you where i
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like what they would say your name and i would block the door so you wouldn't go up on stage no you didn't do that yeah i used to do that too yeah and like the
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open would be like let me up i gotta just wait a minute i mean so there's like no one on stage
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they already said your name it always gave me a lot of pleasure but is that bullying you think yeah it is that's how you are though you
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just do you think i'm a bully yeah do you you really think i'm a bully yeah that's how you are
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really it makes you feel good in your heart i'll tell you why i was bullied so hard
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not only growing up but in comedy that it's like when i finally could do it you know i didn't
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you know i didn't snip the behavior you know i mean i kept it going okay right within myself so it's like yes i did
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some bullying things do i regret it i do i'm sorry but it's not that man get out of here
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i'm sorry it's not that type of bullying it's not something that you got to be sitting up here grieving about like nah it's it's it's fun and games it's
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practical jokes that's not bullying i'll say practical jokes cause that's what you are you kind of all right okay
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i have a third opponent bobby lee is a goddamn prankster i'm a prankster i have a third apology okay what's the
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third did i
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did i do did i hug you for too long [Laughter]
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man i don't know if you want to consider the
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you know why because i think you knew that it embarrassed me and it [ __ ] like irritated me and you would do it
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and i would just try to laugh it off you know i would go [ __ ] bobby that's how long how long do you think i would hug you
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for like if you would count the seconds
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longer than a big red commercial yeah like a minute yeah hot hot dog man so
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it's hot so fun to do to hug people for like a minute or two a minute man
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and then after about 45 seconds i could feel you trying to get out i was like
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so now those are the three things that i wanted to apologize and do you accept my apology uh
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let me think about it bro cause uh hey there's a tear right okay yeah now
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you know what bobby i'm gonna let that go i'm gonna go ahead and forgive you now let me ask you this then what's there um
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are there things that you're you have resentments toward you do you have resentments toward me
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and i want i'd like to hear them resentment towards you yes so we can resolve anything is there anything hidden
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that i'm not aware of or privy to that you the only thing that i've ever here we go
00:11:30
i'm trying to think like the only thing that i've ever but this is something that i i did it's not even like anger it's
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just it was more of like disappointment uh you know what i'm saying and it's like you know because it's a
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comedy story so when you're a comic you're like i want to get out and do as much time so i was always thought that
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for some reason i had this belief that i said man bobby gonna start taking me out more i'm gonna do more i'm gonna do more show blah blah blah and it never
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happened like that and i was like [ __ ] so it was like oh [ __ ] i but i did that with a lot of people it's not just you i
00:12:00
just like maybe this person or maybe this person so it was like i'll be brutally honest with you yeah okay
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it's um how do i say this but
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the growth that i saw you as an opener i mean you're hilarious there's just something about you up
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there that like i've always felt that too i've always said that about you okay did i not yeah yeah you've always said
00:12:24
that yeah a lot of you you're being don't be defensive i'm not gonna hurt you no but what happens is number one um
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i don't i didn't think that you could do the 30 minutes okay at the time right right and number two um i just prefer
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female openers you know i used a lot of female features
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like jade and but other guys too you used uh i know but anwar
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uh kerrigan you used that i don't even know who shawn kerrigan they were the [ __ ] shot character [ __ ] it if you don't
00:13:04
remember you just yeah yeah i don't know who sean carragher is yeah well then probably the names that you use the most consistent
00:13:10
that i know of no i'll tell you who i use the most nick youssef yeah you definitely use nicki minaj
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nick a lot okay and it was because his style here's the problem with you and me too
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we're both little all right and cute right right and we jump around like
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little jelly beans for me though that's what i got the whole sexiness you know you literally right
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right but i think you're great you make it like i'm supposed to actually keep them yeah
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yeah yeah so um so you were you know you you were just too close to what i did i think
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okay that's another thing you know um but is that it that's all the resentment
00:14:07
yeah i don't know because i don't uh you do you ain't what what have you done
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to me to make me cause this is the type of dude are you let me ask you a question if you make me angry yeah about something that i gotta
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resist i wouldn't even talk to you that's how i am oh yeah victoria bobby's goofy ass but are you if you and i if
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you and i got charged with a
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and you and i were cellmates right and we got life in prison okay and my feeling is this
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my feeling is this is that five years would go by and i'm like i'd be like
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man i'm not gay but just listen listen no i'm listening
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i'm not gay but i'm sorry as [ __ ] man and
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my best friend is doc i did this crime together so were you best friends could we sell me
00:15:02
i know we did the crime together and we're also like we're the same size okay because you know i don't want to be like
00:15:07
you know big t you know big t's down down the road right he's six five he's got a big
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you know okay gorilla dick and then i'm like you know doc has a chimp dick
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so it's like you know so
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you know i think we could be good you know lovers or whatever so then i'd be like
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no let's say like at night we're sleeping right right and we're in bump beds i'll probably be
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in the top because i'm older right i'm a headliner too yeah you're in the bottom so i slip down
00:15:45
a pole you know whatever the thing is and i you're laying i bet you you sleep on
00:15:50
your stomach no have you do you ever sleep on your stomach no
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do you sleep on your side yeah good yeah everybody's perfect okay here we go perfect oh [ __ ] you're sleeping on your
00:16:01
side right you've already got this place yeah and i and i crawl up behind you right okay i'm naked sure right i think
00:16:08
i already know where the story is going and i started doing like tiny little kiss taps
00:16:14
on your neck okay yeah yeah you know what man okay what would you do you know i'll probably
00:16:19
whoop your ass in the sail you need the guard gonna have to come because you're gonna do this you're not you're not putting yourself in the scenario you're
00:16:26
you're i'm in a scenario no you're not no you're not there for me five years i can feel five years
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worth no five years five years we've been in there yeah five [ __ ] ten years let's make it ten years it don't
00:16:37
matter if it's thirty you don't oh really deserted island deserted island no [ __ ] that's it we'd be just two dudes
00:16:44
looking out at the goddamn sea you wouldn't touch me once nothing but for what all right all right it ain't
00:16:50
even [ __ ] like no i i i i i hope you guys know you got it
00:16:56
i get about a humanitarian this guy i hope god i never i'm never on a deserted island
00:17:02
well i hope not either i don't want to be on there with you if i'm going to be sleeping on my side and i have to worry about this
00:17:07
scenario all right how about this then this is
00:17:13
that's the supposed memory now i'm like i don't know homophobic you're so homophobic it's not even homophobic it's
00:17:19
just what you like in africa in africa we're in africa right and we're out of safari okay okay
00:17:25
and we're not holding hands or anything we're just friends we're just friends yeah yeah right barbie yeah and duck
00:17:44
for some reason my penis is out yeah it's a snake
00:17:49
snake is out there okay yeah yeah two snakes are right two snakes yeah snakes not snakes in the plane but okay
00:17:56
okay and all of a sudden the snake [ __ ] he bites my dick
00:18:02
right ah someone's gotta suck the fountain out would you suck the venom out
00:18:08
yeah damn man i'll just wait no no would you suck the venom i'm trying to give you the good answer man without breaking
00:18:14
your goddamn heart and i'm trying to you you'd let me die i'd definitely be thinking about your mom and your father
00:18:19
you would let me die yeah that's so [ __ ] up let me tell you something right now right okay what's there if a snake snake
00:18:26
snake if a snake bit you on the penis right [Music] i would suck the venom out right and and
00:18:33
just to make you feel better i'd probably let you come in my mouth wow
00:18:53
all right it's getting weird okay you're getting weird yes yes yeah thick-ass
00:18:59
clown or weird weirdness it's just weak yeah you know let's suppose
00:19:04
we both die i die first though yeah right when i die i tell god i go let me be the
00:19:11
doorman of the pearly gates right i'm good at checking ids and god's like go ahead
00:19:19
you're dead now you're waiting in line to get into heaven right and then i
00:19:24
you know [Laughter] you mean yo you want to get here
00:19:32
you want to get it so because there's an elevator that goes down to hell you want to get it right would you do it
00:19:37
though i'm going to tell you like you don't even have that before i even get up to the line i'm
00:19:43
going to go on here and start walking to the elevator right here i'm going to be like god damn bobby's the game
00:19:48
[ __ ] straight to the game elevator
00:19:54
[Laughter] [Music] [Laughter]
00:20:14
oh [ __ ] this is what you guys are gonna do
00:20:20
this has always been proof yeah of the culture that i have that you don't have what oh this is great we talked about
00:20:27
this before nobody seems great black people this is wonderful black people don't they think you're funny but they
00:20:34
don't it's not the same with me they love me yeah yeah
00:20:40
yeah you don't even know how to do this right yes do it dude no we're not doing [ __ ] yeah yeah we got
00:20:46
it let
00:20:51
do you get that from me do you think that you're closer to andrew because andrew is more in touch of black culture
00:20:58
or understands the people better i don't even feel like it's about closeness i just feel like he's just exactly what
00:21:03
the [ __ ] he said yeah you have no clue
00:21:09
that's all we've discussed this before we got here and for sure [Applause]
00:21:20
so for the last 20 years right that we've been [ __ ] with each other right you've always felt that about me
00:21:27
that you was there's a disconnect between me and your culture not the i mean i don't know i don't know
00:21:33
nothing about the code bobby statement the statement is wrong
00:21:40
reframe it for me it's like the way you're saying it the [ __ ] said see it in your way in an urban way
00:21:47
why don't see that's what i'm talking about that's it right there i think that's it this is that clear
00:21:53
that's right you just said earlier
00:22:10
that was you know what's really helped me during
00:22:16
the pandemic um was better help because i i did a lot of therapy through better help me too really changed my life
00:22:23
i mean andrew is there anything interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals it sure is man a lot of times is there
00:22:29
we need someone to talk to but i hope it's great because you can start communicating in under 48 hours that's right yeah it's not a crisis line it's
00:22:36
not self-help it's professionally professional counseling done securely online services available for clients worldwide
00:22:42
you can log into your account anytime anywhere send a message to your counselor we've talked about this many many times on this show yeah they're committed to facilitating great
00:22:48
therapeutic matches you can try it out for yourself we both believe in uh speaking to somebody helping help
00:22:54
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00:23:22
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doordash subject to change terms apply so i'm so insulted number one doc i miss
00:24:37
you man this is so good to see you [ __ ] up we're connecting i know but it's like it's irritating you know what you know
00:24:42
and you know who i was just shooting a scene with today who did i work with today who kevin hart did you know kevin hart blackness
00:24:49
confirmed kevin even said it and i said you know who i'm doing a podcast with because because he made a joke we made a joke do you know what
00:24:55
korean hearts are no but tell me what did he remember me no look this is korean hearts yeah you've seen this
00:25:00
before there's a korean you remember me there's kevin yeah i said you know i said because we made a joke about korean
00:25:05
hearts one of the girls on the on the show she said this and he said that's funny and she goes you don't know i said
00:25:11
i'm one of my best friends is korean she goes you have a really you hang out with koreans i said yeah i'm from here i'm
00:25:17
going to work with my one of my korean best friends and she goes who i go bobby lee and i turn to kev i said comedian
00:25:24
bob you know bobby he's a comedian what do you think he said i don't know him
00:25:29
no he you know each other i know but what did he say i don't know what he said because i wasn't there he said that
00:25:34
[ __ ] get naked that's what he said
00:25:53
maybe no maybe no was it part of the role no there was nothing in it i was
00:25:58
wearing armor did he really didn't say that you know what he said no he said i don't say i
00:26:04
don't know who the [ __ ] no he said i love bobby
00:26:10
i love he said i love bobby lee he was great but anyways doc doc how has this been was this abusive yeah yeah a
00:26:17
little bit a little bit yeah here's the thing though i'm so comfortable with this guy i was like ah
00:26:23
breeze you know what i mean yeah it's easy with them yeah it's easy let me tell you something about i'll tell you the reason why you're on
00:26:29
this podcast because jules was gone it wasn't going to be here right and i literally this is not a joke okay i was
00:26:36
watching a documentary about black holes [Laughter]
00:26:42
no i'm being real let me let me can i just finish what i know i know it's uncomfortable but no no no that's not uncomfortable because
00:26:48
black hole is something me and him this guy would say okay this guy yeah so what happened with black holes
00:26:54
you know stephen hawking's in it right and there's also a bunch of scientists trying to take a photo of a black hole
00:27:00
which is black hole which is like 30 25 000 light years away you know i
00:27:05
mean it's very difficult to take a photo so what they do is they aligned all these um satellites from all around the world to
00:27:12
take a photo of the same image right and maybe they can take all the information create
00:27:17
right so they finally you know they finally found they finally have an image of what a black hole looks like and when
00:27:24
they showed it i i don't know why but it reminded me if doc's [ __ ] was on fire
00:27:32
i laughed [Laughter]
00:27:42
you said it's so fast when i i said where's rudy you got black holes coming
00:27:48
so it just kind of i don't know why the connection there but there's just something freaky about his sister you don't remember that's something you
00:27:54
would say to me i want to get in that little tiny black hole that's that's oh you're right right right try to sexually
00:27:59
assault doctors no
00:28:04
it's not sexual assault when both people are online on this for sure for sure if he's part of the party it's fine
00:28:11
doc what are you what's been going on i haven't i want to talk to you did you guys talk a little bit about what's going on yeah i'll let me just let me
00:28:18
just may i be your representative well let me just tell you say no
00:28:24
apparently um he's getting a lot of [ __ ] why do you say why would you say because
00:28:30
yeah let me ask you this how long have you known doc how many years well
00:28:35
at least you came to the store about oh eight yeah yeah it's got to be that long yeah yeah so what's that 12 years i don't
00:28:41
know number 20. so um yeah we know okay so um
00:28:47
out of all the times that he you saw him yeah do you ever see him with a woman
00:28:52
what do you mean can you hang out with a girl yes i did actually yeah multiple times where i saw doc out to dinner one
00:28:58
time i saw him at a really nice steakhouse he was out to dinner with two females two
00:29:04
two tall [ __ ] all right well then that confirms his his point and he had on a pimp suit he
00:29:09
had another three pieces
00:29:15
but i said to doc the one thing i did say to him he was in this booth with these two beautiful tall like model [ __ ] and he had his arms around both
00:29:21
of them yeah yeah and i said how tall are these girls yeah because doc is not a tall guy yeah yeah
00:29:27
and then i come up to him i go what's going on it's five three five three and then he goes like this to me he goes like this like i don't want to blow up a
00:29:33
spot right so when the girls leave he goes don't you girls go out i'll meet you outside and then he hopped out of the booth yeah
00:29:39
yeah and when he got you know then then it was like this out of the table and he said don't blow up my shirt are
00:29:46
you 5'3 that's funny because him and i stood up did you uh did you on this show and i'm
00:29:51
an inch taller than him right and i know but check it out did you flatten the head no check it out i'm an inch taller
00:29:56
than him he says he's 5 3 when you think that you think i'm five two five two you are so he's five foot
00:30:02
no first of all that would be five one if you're bad at math yeah five one i mean yeah five one okay
00:30:09
fine i'm not fireball but you know what he's been measured okay but you know what he may be short but i still but he's got
00:30:15
a pipe you don't think he's got you don't think he's got a pipe bigger than yours
00:30:20
i
00:30:26
than me he should kill himself that's why his ego isn't in question when you say you're short he doesn't
00:30:32
care because he's packing i don't care you get sensitive about it because it's a thing round belly small penis tiny guy that
00:30:38
gets in your own brain it doesn't god doesn't give a [ __ ] give a [ __ ] well then why i give a [ __ ] about what i
00:30:44
look like why are you insulting it that he doesn't get women why do you think i'm not insulting because oh here we go bobby
00:30:51
told me i was a nerd andrew hey he's a [ __ ] nerd that's what i've been trying to do
00:30:58
and he just won't take it you're a [ __ ] nerd a [ __ ] nerd yeah i'm a nerd but i'm
00:31:05
not ashamed of it he's not a nerd he looks like one though no why what is it tell me what it is that makes
00:31:11
him a nerd i went to a renaissance fair once [Laughter] i went to a renaissance fair once right
00:31:18
no i naughty kidding i saw a little black man an lp yeah no no an lpb yeah on a
00:31:26
horse on a pony it was probably but yeah and he had one of those like
00:31:32
miniature like you know a little gravel a little javelin a little joust stick
00:31:37
yeah it was one of those things but it was a toothpick yeah yeah right and i go doc
00:31:44
and he turned around and it was like same glasses same hairdo you told me this story is this real because you i
00:31:50
thought you told me you seen somebody that looked just like me that's what i said i'm not lying oh [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah
00:31:55
so once i go they're the same type oh yeah this is the same kind of guy right
00:32:02
like berkeley early yeah a little early yeah right so i'm like
00:32:08
you know there's you know there are black oracles out there urkel is black that's true merkel was black
00:32:16
there'd be white oracles there's white articles there's all kinds of oracles out there there are they're probably billions of asian miracles there's so
00:32:21
many asian articles yeah so many right but yeah yeah
00:32:27
so um you thought that was his so when i saw him i when i saw the guy at the renaissance fair i go
00:32:32
oh there's i just made a i put him on one box right and um and i walked up to him the next
00:32:39
time you know after i got back from the renaissance fair and i go are you a nerd and he got so offended he got upset
00:32:46
about it yeah because here's another thing but you asked him you didn't call him a nerd no i asked him gently like are you a
00:32:53
door i whispered in his ear i go you don't have any nerdish qualities i do i don't know where he's that's what i'm
00:32:58
trying to do he doesn't have any dork [ __ ] bobby's world yeah bobby's world he's not a nerd dude would you say
00:33:04
jordan peels a nerd yes compared to me yeah 100 that's not even a competition okay yeah all right
00:33:12
but jordan would probably say he's nerdy but here's another fascinating thing that we didn't even talk about i know about doc what
00:33:18
and i don't know why it just makes me laugh and don't be offended by it all right don't be offended by it it makes
00:33:24
me laugh and i giggled the first time you told me because i visualized it and it just
00:33:29
it just made me giggle okay okay his doc used to be a gang member
00:33:40
so i don't know why that just makes puts joy in my heart what get what gang was it the mashed potato gang uh
00:33:47
the gucci boys yeah was he you were you the runner i mean what happens you give me a lollipop
00:33:58
the bit that you hear me talk about me uh being a cult holder the first time we fought that's that was actually the code
00:34:04
of the culture yeah it was cold holder in the beginning yeah and then after a while it probably so did you have to kill someone did you have to hey man
00:34:10
there's a podcast no i am not an even i've never was a coat holder yeah code
00:34:17
holder what does that mean coat hanger he would put his arms up like this and they'd put their coats on they just started throwing their coats at me when
00:34:23
they got ready for they ready to fight yeah hold on and then they just started fighting i was holding everybody's jacket
00:34:29
it would be funny though if you just stood there like this yeah so that so when did you move up
00:34:34
like you have jackets on your face so it's code holder then what's the next the next level it wasn't even like um i
00:34:40
don't think it wasn't like it was a designated code holder it was just automatically they just because you were small yeah you know what i'm saying okay
00:34:46
but then it was like there was other small guys but they just for some reason just hold my jacket hold
00:34:53
my jacket it was just out of nowhere i was like what the [ __ ] i thought i was gonna be fighting with you because i think they they sent some nerdy quality
00:34:58
to you [ __ ] it you know they might not have seen him they might
00:35:03
just throw in their jacket and he was down there and the coach just fell so dick yeah yeah doc you know what i
00:35:09
really want to know uh about the gang [ __ ] yeah and you don't have to expose your personal [ __ ]
00:35:14
but do people get beat in yeah like okay i didn't you didn't get beat in no did you watch me did you did
00:35:21
you beat someone in no but you watch people get beat in yep is that the worst [ __ ] to see or the most fun
00:35:27
it's uh it's fun because it's it's it's within so they're not really trying to
00:35:32
kill them or nothing right they just want how tough they can could you imagine getting [ __ ] getting the shipping out
00:35:38
of you by your message they beat your ass and for like two minutes straight three minutes straight and then they're cool with you
00:35:45
our gang was kind of detroit gangs are a little bit different what do you mean they more
00:35:50
it's more about money and crack especially back then yeah jumping you in was just like
00:35:56
only a few i only seen it like maybe once happened did you sell rock yeah cracked heroin weed i was i thought you
00:36:03
used to sell wheat i didn't know you sold rocks no i sold everything god damn did you make good money yeah what was
00:36:09
the most money you made today selling rock
00:36:14
i'll tell you the fastest i made on the corner and this is the corner of about about 10 or 15 of us
00:36:21
i made 500 an hour 500 an hour selling crack yeah what the [ __ ] are we
00:36:26
doing in hollywood that was the 80s the 80s was crazy comedy for some reason i feel like it
00:36:32
was the corner where the toys r us for some reason the toys
00:36:38
well this deal was selling
00:36:45
was your voices deep when you were a child yeah kinda you probably always sounded
00:36:50
like that yeah you're you know you know how powerful for people that don't understand and let's give a moment of
00:36:55
respect yeah how influential doc is to to our home the comedy store doc was
00:37:02
can i go first though no because i started it that's true doc
00:37:08
doc forever will have embedded in the culture of the store whether you like it or not
00:37:14
will always have the respect because you you were a a figurehead of that place and you
00:37:20
couldn't go around that club and not talk about you being a part of it okay
00:37:25
for the history of the club because for real that yeah like that everyone was like what's up drew everyone knows
00:37:32
everyone's got their doc impression mine was always like what's up drew and he was always happy to see me and for
00:37:37
you was hey bobby down but you but you really did
00:37:43
forever of the people that will be cemented there oh yeah whether you like it or not you were always embedded in
00:37:49
the culture of the club 100 and and so yeah there we go what's up doc
00:37:55
so that's it meant a lot that is why i was real no what i what i was gonna say
00:38:03
is um you know there were certain people there like um
00:38:09
jeff jeff scott rest in peace he died he did i'm kidding um
00:38:15
he got shot no he didn't like 13 times no he didn't he got shot that's how he died jeff's got the net shot what did what happened
00:38:22
he they just he died from a heart attack oh yeah i thought he got shot no another guy died that way who
00:38:28
some customer last night i do i was there
00:38:36
i was off that night i was there that night i was in the back in the [ __ ] back by the hallway when that guy got
00:38:42
shot you know what happened to him that guy got out of his car he went up to his chest and shot him he got back did you see the body yeah what do you mean i saw
00:38:48
i heard the gunshots we ran back by hollow ground then by the time i came out and cops and amy's were there he was
00:38:55
there on the ground that's so crazy it was [ __ ] gross it was right on the front paddy was there blood everywhere i
00:39:01
mean not as much as you thought isn't that weird i thought it was going to be more blood yeah yeah it was enough
00:39:06
was it was it what's so funny oh no i'm just like it was so funny it was it was nasty it was wild though
00:39:12
was it a white guy no it's a black guy okay
00:39:18
here's what it was a lot of white guys getting shotgun gang-related shootings the guy
00:39:23
was actually visiting the hondas he had nothing to do with the store so he came
00:39:29
five minutes after he left the andaz to come over there cause trippin's tuesday's show ended he just came over there to have a drink on the path he was
00:39:35
having a drink yeah and then five minutes later a guy ran across the street and shot him up
00:39:40
and uh so what it is is the guy but he didn't shoot anybody else which i was i thought that guy was from new york right
00:39:46
and it was a new york hit on him well but i'm saying i give give the guy props yeah they catch the guy spray into a
00:39:51
crowd back in new york it was it started like a big war and they caught the guys and they arrested some guys not here in
00:39:57
l.a and it's not in their like history [Applause] he got away
00:40:03
i know he got back to new york and then there was some sort of war in new york they started a gang this was like a gang
00:40:08
hit yeah that's why they didn't shoot into the crowd he got out of his he went right up to his chest and shot him in
00:40:14
point-blank it's wild so it is pretty wild it wasn't it's not like the krypton blood it was
00:40:19
like drug and you know what i'm saying like they actually like a hit that was a hit he was he he he did something he
00:40:26
shouldn't have done can i go back to my compliment please okay go ahead so i really want to hear this bobby i
00:40:33
want to say that you um not only were you like a part of the store like you were part
00:40:39
of the building right i also saw you develop like in the beginning when i saw you
00:40:46
you weren't that good right right nobody was that good it took them a little longer i think
00:40:52
okay would you agree with that yeah that's because i wasn't hitting the mics like i should it's fine
00:40:57
you know what i mean it's not a bad thing all right so um but eventually you started you i feel
00:41:04
like you started finding your voice right and i remember one time you were on stage you were killing right and i just
00:41:09
thought to myself i wish i was in prison with a guy always go back to the old bunk bed
00:41:17
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00:42:19
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00:42:26
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00:42:31
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00:43:06
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00:43:12
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00:43:35
joinhoney.com bad friends no but i i honestly like and when you left to me
00:43:40
it's like um number one you never got passed there right yeah you did get power no no i
00:43:46
never got paid yeah i think that's the crime yeah i think that's the crime and i
00:43:52
think that's what made you leave right there 100 yeah i watched your last set well also but but i'll be honest with
00:43:57
you be honest with you it's like i never became a hot guy as a stand-up period anyway so
00:44:04
the main reason why i wanted to leave i said let me just see what i can just push myself because it's something i'm
00:44:10
not doing for for me to have to do i don't have to depend on the story look at all the people that come through there that never got passed yeah louie
00:44:16
wasn't passed by her louis ck i know i know so it's like seinfeld right i had to like be honest with myself so i left
00:44:23
based on that but i was more i left more so because i just was disappointed in paulie in them and what happened right
00:44:29
you know because adam everybody think i was mad at adam i'm like nah i don't even got nothing to do with why i left i just left because of all i had went
00:44:35
through there i said i'm gone yeah yeah yeah that was me how many years you were there for how many years twelve
00:44:40
man living in half nobody so what are you doing are you doing stand-up now yeah i still do i hit mics and i do
00:44:46
little shows here i got two little shows tomorrow where uh right here at the comedy chateau i'm doing a little five minute spot over there and then i'm
00:44:52
doing a little show with uh kathy lewis and riverside oh cool let's kill the grind still grinding you're still grinding yeah yeah
00:44:58
i'm just hitting it yeah i think we should we we need to we need to help you a little more hey man i just like i just really want
00:45:04
to do stand-up man i get it i get it well let's do this but you but you know bobby's taken from you so much
00:45:10
what can he give to you what do you mean what do you mean
00:45:16
you've just taken i have so many people i've helped him so much well to help him more than did you know did you ever open for
00:45:22
andrew he's open for me he's why he wouldn't open for me i've never asked him he's
00:45:29
yeah everybody so i mean i feel like i've done more
00:45:35
than you have maybe 100 100 percent but it's just different with doc yeah it is
00:45:40
in fact in fact you're here not because of him well you're not you're here you're here because of me but you're a
00:45:46
star guy he's he's a store guy but you're an if you're a rep rep born and raised store guys that's right so you
00:45:51
have a method that you was taught and that was inherently given to you to miss you working with you as a guys like him
00:45:58
most 90 of the guys that come that's just regulars like him he is not organic stuff with deception
00:46:03
of like i'm real that's what you're saying right i'm real stupid i mean you know yeah he's not really worried of course he's a [ __ ]
00:46:10
real star no you're not he's the one am i not really who's more real who's more real andrew
00:46:15
ryan be honest real store what the [ __ ] is what is this [ __ ] honestly no because it's a fake question
00:46:22
real story what the [ __ ] does that mean no both got passed by missy so you both real
00:46:38
that's the only reason because you were so you slum the phones and i didn't do that no that's that's the only difference
00:46:44
i put in the same [ __ ] work shut the [ __ ] up you don't get to throw around [ __ ] why are you getting so
00:46:50
because i get to defend myself let me finish my point though can i finish my point
00:46:56
all right my point is this right uh you're like i'll tell you what you're like you're like spade see
00:47:02
you're a good paid yeah you got good and you got a name then you got into the store that way i
00:47:08
got did i start at the [ __ ] store he watched me start at the store are you
00:47:14
out of your mind i was there when me and [ __ ] dahlia saw you for the first time i started at
00:47:20
the store yeah we and we tried to get good and come to the store just stop arguing i'm not arguing with you i'm
00:47:26
just throwing facts down man relax all right and i remember me and delia looked at each other and we saw you perform and we
00:47:32
told you the story before i remember right and you killed yeah who kills like that if they're not developed already
00:47:39
think i develop at the club no you didn't yes you were good already he saw me how many not you saw me at the club
00:47:48
you weren't there for the late night spots when i was getting late nights listen you weren't [ __ ] there
00:47:53
he was there listen but i was gonna ask you you didn't you didn't do comedy before that at the at
00:47:59
the club yeah i was doing other [ __ ] but the store is where i went every [ __ ] night but i mean i would go do a show
00:48:06
in uh [ __ ] santa monica back the old west side oh so you weren't in the clubs
00:48:12
all over no oh so the store the first club that passed me was the improv but back then
00:48:18
no but you didn't it wasn't the same you would get passed and then they'd give you a spot once a [ __ ] month yeah so
00:48:24
you weren't there with the club i could go every night fine thank you all right it's like you're like a guy
00:48:30
i am a [ __ ] guy i know you're like a guy like if i was born in this country and you moved here when you were 10.
00:48:37
immigrant not an immigrant but you're kind of still american kinda you know you're gonna tell me to go back to my country
00:48:43
go back to the [ __ ] improv go back to the improv because we don't need you
00:48:49
you don't even go to the store anymore well really i was there last time going tonight and tomorrow
00:48:55
see something is talking it's you it's not my my phone's off it's got to
00:49:01
be you it's not me i ain't got nothing it's bobby or it's downstairs it's bobby it's bobby he can they can
00:49:08
[ __ ] hear it what what open your phone up and find out what's going on you're probably on a call still
00:49:15
no we can hear it it's not me you're out of your [ __ ] mind the boys
00:49:20
can hear it can't you boys we just heard it did you like do yeah i thought my phone grabbed my phone it's there's
00:49:25
nothing on here you're so stupid it's like you're losing
00:49:31
an argument no i'm not losing it you present you see what he does here it's called gaslight yeah it's called
00:49:37
gaslighting it's his favorite thing to [ __ ] do but i'm just saying that you know i just want to settle this right now
00:49:43
okay you're a store guy through and through 100 i'm more store let's move on [Laughter]
00:49:49
i mean fine it's a fact that's fine i mean i'm funnier there but yeah you're good yeah you do well okay that's fine please don't you do well
00:50:00
you're funny you're so much funnier than i am i know and you kill better i know and you're a better comment i know okay better actor you're everything better i
00:50:06
know yeah you [ __ ] better i know everything's better i know okay you feel but you're an original store
00:50:12
guy yeah that's what you got yeah yeah well you got it yeah i did get it and you're just a visitor
00:50:19
a faker i'm a faker yeah you're not real do you want to start
00:50:24
[Laughter] coming out these claws will [ __ ] start gripping
00:50:30
yeah so anyway let's move past i'm happy that you're back by the way i missed you i missed you so go [ __ ] your day who
00:50:36
called you who called you while you were gone where were you i was in new york and you went to new york i call him all the [ __ ] times you'll see how he is
00:50:42
love new york i love going to [ __ ] new york i miss going i feel like i don't get opportunities to go anymore
00:50:47
and also now new york is so much hotter than la comedy wise that i feel like they're alive over there we feel like
00:50:52
we're in this weird coma like we're just getting up i've always been the sp i know but even post covert i'm saying
00:50:58
it's alive as [ __ ] i went to the cellar it's it's bumping yeah it's not like that at the store i don't know man what
00:51:04
do you mean did you go to the cellar no but what i what i i do feel though because you know i'm staying in brooklyn
00:51:11
yeah no d on the end just brooklyn brooklyn yeah no it's brooklyn no it's
00:51:16
not brooklyn i was in brooklyn which is what i said twice i don't know where you get the d
00:51:23
maybe it's my phone but um did anybody else hear a d i r d yeah okay
00:51:28
i was in i said it wrong brooklyn brooklyn yeah and um
00:51:33
i'm walking about in town right yeah in brooklyn correct right and um
00:51:40
there's a lot of bad friends fans a big time right and they're like what are you doing here we never thought you yeah
00:51:46
some guy goes i just never thought you i'd ever see you here you're shooting on the stages that's why right in brooklyn
00:51:52
no i was shooting on the stages but the hotel is in right in the middle of you know white
00:51:57
wait why the stages are in manhattan it's in brooklyn no that's what i'm saying you're shooting the stages in brooklyn that's why they put you over
00:52:02
there and you have you're walking the streets all day just meeting bad friends people yeah it was amazing
00:52:09
who you [ __ ] he's a bad fan yeah yeah dead fan that fan was there what are you talking about that fan i
00:52:15
thought that's what you said i couldn't even understand he's just like rudy i know that's why i picked them i i
00:52:21
thought you said that bad friends fans this show oh bad friends oh my bad i thought you said that
00:52:29
i said goose if you play back the recording i said bad friends i don't know where
00:52:35
you get that fan from my bad that's what it sounded like to me i was over here like that got that many fans in new york
00:52:40
that's crazy that's what i thought let me back this up yeah [ __ ] have you been getting have you been
00:52:46
getting a lot of ass lately is that what i missed did i miss a lot of you like this is this is what it is yeah i've been trying to find how to get this
00:52:52
goddamn comedy going so that's where i've been yeah trying to do that and work in a regular part-time job with
00:52:58
amazon that's all i've been doing what are you doing with amazon just uh doing some shopping it's like you know they give me an iphone people shop and then i
00:53:05
go and shop for the food for them and put them in bags and then they send them off that's it that's easy yes you do it
00:53:10
at the warehouse or is it at a store both it's one of many it's not a warehouse per se it's more of a just
00:53:16
like a big shopping center with just us in there no customers or nothing and we just shop you put in headphones you
00:53:21
gotta tell you you don't have to talk to anybody they don't let us no more they don't why because uh safety regulations you want to do your
00:53:27
thing do you have an instagram yeah what's what is it doc willis comedy can you believe this guy asked me i don't
00:53:33
even thought you follow it do you have a podcast no you why wouldn't you have a pocket with a voice like this man listen
00:53:39
to the smoothness of that but ladies and gentlemen welcome to the bad
00:53:44
friends podcast featuring andrew santino bobby lee and me doc willis say that real smooth ladies and gentlemen welcome
00:53:49
to the buyer friends con yeah yeah thank you go ahead ladies and gentlemen welcome to
00:53:54
the bad friends podcast with bobby lee and my boy andrew santino
00:54:01
damn that's good would you say this with me but you know how you put you know oh you know how he slowed down a bit notice
00:54:06
how he put my boy in front of yeah do this oh don't me yeah go deeper bobby
00:54:15
no it's not it's no because i'm throwing a photo oh the football yeah go deeper bobby don't slow it down though
00:54:21
go deeper bobby
00:54:29
[Laughter]
00:54:37
go beeper bobby you see my face though yeah but now imagine doc now imagine uh bobby is uh
00:54:45
bobby is bobby's you're locked in a room doc you're locked and he's got a smash on the door
00:54:50
say say go harder bobby because he's got to smash the room as i smash the door say
00:54:55
that one yeah let me do it because i'm envisioning he's got to go harder bobby slow it down though slow it down deeper
00:55:01
voice go harder bobby i like that i like that a lot yeah give him another one and then
00:55:06
it's like imagine now um yeah just imagine that you guys are uh
00:55:11
you're making like you're hard-boiled you're hard-boiled eggs hard-boiled eggs you know and you gotta take them up before they get too hard otherwise you
00:55:17
know what i mean it gets bad so so say uh ooh take it out bobby ooh take it out bobby yeah yeah real slow twice
00:55:27
no no this is for the best we animated it is this okay this is distracting
00:55:32
yeah oh take them out bobby take it out it's just one egg
00:55:39
yeah there's one so he's only boiling one egg boiling one egg he says we're hungry he's not making a salad just okay
00:55:47
ooh take it out bobby perfect i got one all right you gotta come into your yeah come into your house i'm coming to your
00:55:53
house i knock on your door right just say slowly come inside
00:55:58
let him in the house no come inside bobby come inside come inside bobby
00:56:04
that sounds real inviting yeah it sounds warm and welcoming warm and welcoming feels good
00:56:10
okay good
00:56:15
so [ __ ] up yeah yeah we're you know we we love you we're just ki you know i really you know
00:56:20
i i [ __ ] with you but you know that's what it is that's what our relationship is i want to say i want to ask you a real question before when you
00:56:26
did leave when you did leave the store what did you say to adam
00:56:32
did you say goodbye to anybody like you said about everybody because everybody knew i was gonna leave me and they threw they
00:56:38
actually threw me like a i know what i'm saying did you i know that but i mean did you do something did you privately go up to people and say some
00:56:44
[ __ ] or no did you have did you did you ever go up to anybody and have your final goodbyes like a [ __ ] you to
00:56:49
anybody that you didn't like no no but let me ask you this because it wasn't are there guys that you didn't
00:56:54
like nobody worked for all those other guys there were guys there you couldn't there was for sure guys you didn't like yeah i mean i wouldn't even say
00:57:02
yeah then i did yeah it's definitely guys i didn't like but it's not that they ain't worth my energy they
00:57:07
ain't worth my time i don't believe who's the biggest [ __ ] to you in the lot in the lot
00:57:15
i mean i mean i think oh my god it's like i can't even
00:57:20
it's like it's a given it's a giveaway with him so i loved it i love this all right so what happened
00:57:26
with him was you know how i parked the cars and this is back when they used to be crazy on the lot right right jam packs okay just
00:57:33
to let people know right the parking lot probably legally fits seven cars
00:57:47
a hotel and there's a and there's a gigantic driveway that goes up everywhere we
00:57:52
made some sort of deal where we could park our cars along that railway just down the river all the way up right to
00:57:57
the house yeah and we've had i've had i've seen chris rock's car be towed i mean crazy [ __ ] right so
00:58:04
it's a [ __ ] to say the least i've done it before and i did it one night and
00:58:09
i don't know if he's an asian or whatever but they just said you can't do it again
00:58:14
your sheer disregard for your own you know how i drive oh yeah i don't think they're gonna do it against a bad
00:58:20
driver uh so
00:58:25
he says uh doc get my car then i get his car and i pull it out move all the cars you know how you got
00:58:31
to do this goddamn tetris yeah yeah i move it get it and then he's not ready to go
00:58:37
so i [ __ ] had to get other people out i had to maneuver again and move people back and put his [ __ ] back and then he
00:58:42
came out again 30 minutes later and was like i gotta go and i go [ __ ] and i do it again yeah and then he leaves again
00:58:53
and then yeah he comes back out i move all the cards to then i remove all the cards on the rim this time it's
00:58:59
like 11 30. it's jam packed this is when everybody's there yeah that's like so i moved all the cars on the ramp and i had
00:59:05
to put three cars on sunset so i had to block the driveway of the hyatt for people to go in and coming out oh my god
00:59:12
so and the car i was in i had to come out to the second lane on the other side of that and block that whole lane
00:59:19
a man pulls up oh my god and he starts talking to chris delia from the trump for like five minutes
00:59:26
this [ __ ] then he and then the police come
00:59:31
and they honk the siren at me hey move your car you're blocking i command this guy
00:59:37
right yeah yeah so i pulled back in he's still talking yeah then he's like okay doc i want to go i go you want to
00:59:42
[ __ ] go now okay so i pulled back out and blocked the traffic again now mind
00:59:48
you the cars are still blocking the driveway of all the cars trying to get out right like they're stuck now i got a
00:59:53
line there everybody's walking at me and they're like whoa this little black gary colt you know
00:59:58
[ __ ] so i pulled back out he pulls up and then
01:00:04
he stops and starts talking to neil brennan now by this time the cops see
01:00:10
what's going on yeah they yell from the siren to him hey no no actually i get out the car and i start yelling at him
01:00:16
yeah oh man what the [ __ ] yeah why don't you look at this yeah this is crazy yeah and then he pulls up yeah and he says
01:00:23
hey doc you know you should have a little bit more zen about this is saying are you
01:00:29
[ __ ] did you see this [ __ ] yeah like man he was like you know that's a little bit too much and then the cop yells from the
01:00:35
speakerphone hey move your car you have all the traffic back up he's like oh okay officer all right i'm like oh you
01:00:41
want to listen to the officer yeah man [ __ ] that was like
01:00:46
and then the next day he came in we got into an argument about it oh you got a new fight about it and then he
01:00:53
and then like it was something i had to do later on and i wanted to contact him about something or and he
01:01:00
[ __ ] blocked me on facebook and deleted me oh my god [ __ ] so i was just like that
01:01:06
was it for you yeah that was like [ __ ] but we after that i think we had made up after that but it was just like that was
01:01:12
like the word like the worst i've ever the most [ __ ] you dealt with yeah
01:01:18
i don't know man that just triggered me that story did it a little bit because of the past
01:01:24
yeah it brings up a lot it triggered me bobby is so maniacal he
01:01:30
plans someone's demise and when he watches them fall he sits in his underwear in his little room
01:01:40
you love watching your enemies get listen listen i'm in real deep therapy right now
01:01:47
just hear me out okay and i'm addressing all that stuff right is it today did you go today yesterday i did how was it it
01:01:54
was good but my point is is that that there's um there's issues that i look at like i ask
01:01:59
why do i do certain things why do i behave in the way i behave it's like um
01:02:05
a lot of it's just fear really a fear of what um rejection and i also have i avoid
01:02:11
things because i i fear trauma right and it's like um
01:02:17
i'll just give an example the two jobs that i'm doing right now right which is
01:02:24
the reservation dogs and sex in the city yeah are two jobs that in the beginning
01:02:30
i turned down because of fear fear that you couldn't come uh couldn't just i just you know one of them was a
01:02:36
doctor it's like do i even know how to do that to be a doctor yeah and the other one was something else i do i know how to do
01:02:42
that and it turns out that i can you know i mean i do and you know but it's like but before i would just not do things
01:02:49
because of fear because things you know so that's something that you know that you're
01:02:54
working through yeah and it's also i i do have this thing where i get slighted by people and i um i'm by who like
01:03:02
people enemies yeah who's sliding you it's not a slight it's like
01:03:08
like one time i wanted in the person but two years ago before the pandemic i
01:03:14
was in the or and the guy it was martin lawrence
01:03:20
literally i was literally next yeah and he goes but bobby lee and as i'm walking some other person
01:03:27
walked in front of me and went up on stage i gotta go she goes i gotta she goes i gotta go i'm going up now
01:03:33
in my head i'm like and this person never apologized right so i hold on to those little things but
01:03:41
now i let them go you're learning to let them go yes you still have a few in your belly
01:03:47
there's some you'll never let go no i i no i i really will let it go you will even something happened to me
01:03:53
recently that i'm letting go you want to say it whatever who did it
01:03:59
you know what it is man oh fine i'll let it go do you hold on to [ __ ] do
01:04:04
you go to therapy no you don't go to sleep i shoulda my mother told me i should have when i was
01:04:10
when i was younger why do you think why do you think you want it you don't want to do it you think it's not cool
01:04:16
is it just well at the time what if you want to be honest with you yeah there was this street [ __ ] that you
01:04:22
can't talk to therapists about right what there's street [ __ ] you can't talk
01:04:27
to a therapist about what isn't their confidentiality oh what the [ __ ]
01:04:33
no you ever you ever go uh if you ever there's a there's an italian mafia uh guy named michael franzis you
01:04:40
know what i'm about and so he did a podcast with vlad all the time yeah and then he said on there
01:04:46
he was talking about whether uh sopranos was true and he said that
01:04:53
he said you're kidding me he said if if a mafia member went to a therapist
01:04:58
he'll end up in the trunk a week later that's how it is the street guys can't go to a therapist
01:05:06
you just don't if if if you have done things as a teenager on the street wild enough
01:05:12
so you can't go to a therapist and be like yeah you know this happened it's it's like one of those things where
01:05:18
you just go okay well you know what we're gonna let this one go yeah they can't they can't they have to
01:05:23
tell the cops if they hear anything illegal if you do anything illegal at all they're gonna snitch
01:05:29
they don't have your back like that that's not your buddy so you're saying that you have certain
01:05:34
things that you did in your past that were illegal that can get you in trouble now
01:05:40
i don't i i don't know you can't kill anybody with a squirt gun
01:05:49
as many baseball bats
01:05:54
and then like well here's one thing that i just couldn't talk to about was when i was selling crack my father was on crack
01:06:00
so i used to sell crack to my fox oh [ __ ]
01:06:06
no you give him a little family discount yeah i used to hook him up you know i'm saying but here's what happened right did that do you ever feel guilty selling
01:06:12
crack to your old man after he died but that first moment when he was alive
01:06:17
would smoke his whole check away right right and you should so and he never gave me so when he yeah so
01:06:23
when he would bad for me it was like child support yeah no not even child support it was more like uh
01:06:28
kids would be like hey when you get the new juice shoes from i would be like my daddy bought me these you know what i'm saying i didn't have to tell him that he
01:06:34
bought crack it's like my father you know what i'm saying so like but how much have you talked about that on stage
01:06:40
um i may have talked about it once twice maybe
01:06:50
so did he die from crack no no no how do you die suicide oh [ __ ]
01:06:56
oh okay it's kudos it's been a long
01:07:13
him yeah did he shoot him no he hung himself he hung you hung himself and so so
01:07:18
don't what don't what i wasn't gonna do anything
01:07:24
i'm just asking go ahead or go right don't what okay
01:07:31
i don't even know i wish i knew what you thought i was going to do because i want to do it i know but i don't i don't think you i don't
01:07:37
have anything locked into what you're you know was your dad as tall as you or taller yeah he started me he was talking
01:07:42
he was tall i just got the bad end of the stick but that's my mama was taller than me she was about
01:07:48
bobby how high were the ceilings in the basement regular you know regular eyes oh yeah
01:07:54
you were thinking
01:08:03
[Applause] just got to go to the garage and get the biggest [ __ ] ladder they've got
01:08:19
for real you need to talk about that [ __ ] that's so real so you walked in you walked in you saw him you know
01:08:25
dangling i'll i'll tell you i'll tell you ornaments oh yeah like it's not a [ __ ]
01:08:30
tell us how it happened yeah chicago what year detroit detroit i mean detroit 1991 1991 right so
01:08:38
y'all headed this out right hell no but anyway he
01:08:45
he was supposed to bring my mother because they had separated yeah because i moved she moved me out so that
01:08:51
i can get myself together and then she moved and then so he could try to get himself together but he never did
01:08:57
so he was supposed to take her some clothes the rest of her things and he never showed up
01:09:02
she called me he had actually called me before her
01:09:08
and he tells me that he's going to kill himself and then he tells me to hold you yeah yeah he went through the whole
01:09:13
thing and we talked about it and he told me and i said uh well you don't have to do it blah blah blah
01:09:19
and i said you know you know you can fight this he's like no i can't and then he told me he left me some instructions to take care of my mother and my
01:09:25
grandmother and hell man and he was like uh so then
01:09:31
when my mother called me she's like he's supposed to bring these clothes he never came can you go and get the clothes and
01:09:36
i go oh [ __ ] so i forgot that i actually talked to him earlier
01:09:42
like completely forgot so he said i'm going to kill myself and you're like yeah yeah i got stuff to do oh no no no no let me let me
01:09:48
break it it was four days later oh i was like the same way yeah no no no it was four days later that's what it was but
01:09:54
did you really believe he was that he meant it when he said that or no yeah because he tried to kill himself before that
01:10:00
[ __ ] and me and my mother caught and found him on the ground did you did you what same thing try to hang up no this
01:10:06
time he had drunk a bottle of iron dying yeah almost but he didn't so wait a
01:10:11
minute so hold on one second so then he told you that day yeah did you go call anybody or talk to anybody or do you not
01:10:17
say a word like you i didn't say anything because you told nobody yeah because
01:10:23
i didn't even like they didn't even register after i got
01:10:28
off the phone with him that he was going to actually go and try and attempt it i forgot you know i'm 17. you thought it wasn't that you said i'm thinking he'll
01:10:34
be all right man he's just having a bad day you know right so then four days later then four days later she called me
01:10:41
he's supposed to bring the clothes can you go get the clothes yeah i get in the car i go over there do you have a feeling on
01:10:47
the way there that something's wrong or no yeah 100 you knew yeah you were like so when i got there i was like oh [ __ ]
01:10:53
because i didn't tell her i was like oh [ __ ] i did talk no because she asked me what kind of car smart car she asked me she said did you talk to him
01:11:01
[Music] it was a wind-up you had to pull it all the way
01:11:06
he had to pull it all the way before he got in okay
01:11:24
so uh we go what happened oh so
01:11:30
when she told me that and she asked me did you talk to him and i go yeah i'll talk to him friday but that's it so
01:11:36
she's like we're going back to the house so i go over there like i say and when i got to the front door and i got ready to open the door one of my
01:11:42
friends from from she won the street dudes ran up to me he's like hey man you say your paws been in this house man he
01:11:48
said we haven't seen him since friday he said you know yo pops used to let the dog out something wrong let's kick the
01:11:53
door in and i said nah man no no wait i was about to open the door i said damn i forgot my goddamn key and then he was
01:11:59
like kick the door in man i'm telling you man he ain't been out he in there something wrong yeah and i was like nah man chill out let me let me go get my
01:12:06
key and i'll be back you went back home yeah went back home to get my keys you went got a sandwich so
01:12:12
yeah all right man i'm hungry i would break the door down i mean it's no no because i still didn't think
01:12:19
nothing really at that point too much no i felt it but i'm saying i was more like
01:12:25
man not chill don't i think you're probably yeah you're probably fighting the feelings yeah yeah i was like damn i
01:12:31
said okay how far is your house from there no you talking 30 minutes yeah like i'm on the east that's on the west
01:12:37
side of detroit i was on the east side so it's a pretty big disc
01:12:42
so i go home get the key
01:12:47
and then it kicks in and i'm like holy [ __ ] let me go get my mama so i drive up to the job and i was like hey
01:12:55
you got to come with me and she's like what and then i'm like you got to call with me i said something wrong like that
01:13:01
and she goes are you you okay and then she goes in tell the boss whatever and then we leave so we get there
01:13:09
and as soon as we open the door and we walk in
01:13:15
no no we walk when i walked when before we open the door the dog runs into the window and he's got phone all on his
01:13:21
mouth and he's barking like hella aggressive he never looked like this and i go what the [ __ ] he hasn't
01:13:26
eaten and drank anything yeah yeah exactly so i'm like [ __ ] and i'm like calm down and when he sees me he's crazy
01:13:32
he started getting his dog's name his name was lee bobby
01:13:37
anyway so then uh i go in that's his real name too lee
01:13:44
yeah uh so we go in and she says you go upstairs and see if
01:13:51
you're up there and then i'm gonna check down here you said that in the living room she said to me so i go upstairs
01:13:58
and this guy got all has all the doors to the room's clothes upstairs bathroom door every door closed and i'm like [ __ ]
01:14:05
so i'm like all right [ __ ] it if you want one of these room i guess i'm gonna find him i kick open my old bedroom door he's not in there
01:14:11
i kick open the bathroom bedroom door then it was another door down the hallway i kicked that door open then they master bedroom i was like [ __ ]
01:14:19
so i waited and then i pushed the door i kicked it open when i kicked it pushed it open yeah and then i looked in
01:14:25
and all the sheets were pulled off the bed and in the middle of the bed there was a life insurance
01:14:31
so i looked on me that's what the [ __ ] is this because he he worked for ford too so i looked at the life insurance and
01:14:37
i'm like what is this and i said okay whatever and i go down the stairs
01:14:43
if the sheets are pulled off the life insurance thing on the back you think nothing about it bro i'm telling you
01:14:48
just like that just [ __ ] just willy-nilly there was this note
01:14:54
saying goodbye and i was like what is this is he going on vacation this dude is leaving so many [ __ ]
01:15:00
breadcrumbs and doc is like where is he outside so then you go what to the basement yeah don't know so then
01:15:08
i go down to the living room and my mother's in the living room and she's like he's not in here
01:15:14
and i said okay she said he's not in the kitchen you know nowhere around here at any point are you yelling out pop
01:15:19
dad are you guys yelling through the house like no we never called for him no yeah yeah and then so
01:15:24
i say uh well hell no because for me i told you i was already feeling eerie and [ __ ] i was
01:15:30
like man oh [ __ ] man i'm like you know i'm already just like damn like this might be
01:15:36
so she says to me something about the dog in the basement and the dog kept
01:15:42
grabbing my pants and pulling me towards the basement and it ran back grabbed my pants and i kept slapping them like stop playing he would run literally it's at
01:15:49
least not playing you knew it's like yeah you knew that's good listening yeah my friend anyway
01:15:57
so we she she says what a dog she said well the dog is probably hungry go outside
01:16:03
and get his pelvis in the basement i go oh [ __ ] i said you didn't go in the basement and she goes what i go you
01:16:09
didn't go to the [ __ ] basement and i said listen call the police right now and then she goes what you're you're what's wrong with you
01:16:16
and i said no call the police she said boy come here and go in this basement with me and i was like nah you need to so
01:16:21
you knew of course she knew i knew then life insurance because i said she scores close four days yeah the dog it's in
01:16:29
here whenever he smoked crazy he's always scared he always smoked in the basement right so that was like the
01:16:35
first place she should have checked out like he [ __ ] probably was in the basement because he smoked crack in the basement he would never smoke crack
01:16:41
upstairs i've i don't know i've just only came home he we surprised
01:16:46
him he'd oh [ __ ] happy birthday he's like oh no [Laughter]
01:16:56
like it was just a couple times he didn't hear us come in or whatever and going to be like god damn you in
01:17:02
there smoking crap get back to the day okay now okay so there's this door
01:17:09
we open the door yeah and there's the stench come up oh my god what does that smell like crack
01:17:15
it's no it's a dead body for me yeah and crack and it's the summer too so it's been on there for about four days oh
01:17:21
summertime crap yeah so uh man damn damn dude so you walk down the
01:17:27
stairs so she's i'm behind her i stopped like five stairs before her i'm like i'm
01:17:32
not going down the stairs it's like a haunted house and she was like get down here and come down here and then what
01:17:37
are you talking about like that she's not thinking nothing i said [ __ ] all right so i started coming down and she gets down to the bottom i'm coming
01:17:44
down i'm about a couple stairs behind her yeah and she goes see look that's all this uh
01:17:51
doodle on the ground you smelling blah blah blah and then i look around and i say oh i guess you're right and then
01:17:56
she looks up and she says what are you like she's about to ask him what he's doing a question and then i
01:18:03
returned and i got really look at him and she screamed and then she pushed me it was like so
01:18:10
for me right now to this day i still don't have that image of what was over here the only image i have now is just
01:18:17
her face so once when i look like this over here towards him she screamed and pushed me so it was
01:18:23
like a boom boom so it wasn't enough for me to grasp a hundred percent and just well i grasped it but not enough to
01:18:30
where it it [ __ ] with me but it wasn't as bad that i i feel like it wasn't so you never looked at the body not at all
01:18:37
she went back in the house and everything and trust him and everything god damn it oh like [ __ ] so you never after that you never saw it again no i
01:18:44
won't go in no until you went to the funeral yep you had to open well he was so swollen you couldn't have a uh
01:18:51
opening oh my god so we didn't even get to have it all wow this is a comedy podcast spot
01:18:59
man how do we make some jokes yeah we can make some
01:19:04
jokes go ahead well we did throw a couple in there yeah yeah yeah yeah he was swollen
01:19:10
and you couldn't have you couldn't have a funeral no black people love funerals no we don't
01:19:16
nobody likes funerals do they dress up they do it they i've seen some really good like i've seen some where they prop
01:19:21
up the body at his favorite video game table yeah that's some weird [ __ ] that they do now i'm like i've seen people have your real [ __ ]
01:19:27
yeah some black fingers they go all the way they're doing that with latinos they now they if they have a favorite thing that they like to do they put them
01:19:34
in that position at a position and decorate uh like and have something you've never seen like a set yo can you
01:19:39
bring this up i don't know if i want to see this no it's not it's not going to creep you out i mean it's just it's not i don't want to see a guy playing war
01:19:44
zone but he's dead and they're standing around him like i swear to god that's crazy i swear to
01:19:51
god it's the wildest [ __ ] look at that look at that look at that like a guy in a boat
01:19:58
oh my god that's hilarious that's hilarious yeah that
01:20:08
there's an elvis one is that elvis a dead guy no no okay up to the right you see that dead people life-like poses
01:20:14
that's it dead people life like poses right there that's a woman they propped up
01:20:20
unbelievable click on that article that'll tell you that's unbelievable you know shanice she
01:20:25
loved her wine so we pro we're bush light hold look at that drink go down and see
01:20:31
if there's insane wait wait wait she said look at that look at this no that's insane look at
01:20:37
this dude let me zoom it in the body of mickey esterling in new york's new orleans socialite sits on a bench
01:20:43
surrounded by flowers look at they prop her up oh my god i think that's a good idea you want to be like this yeah
01:20:48
scroll down a little bit look at this one look at how crazy that is no no dude why don't pass the photo that stay lynette
01:20:55
carmona wright the wife of late boxer chris jeffer riviera hugs the boxer that the guy to the left is a boxer that's
01:21:01
dead dead yeah he's dead no he's alive that guy's going i'm getting i'm getting the next hug
01:21:06
that's really a guy look at this that's how they do it that's insane stands next to his body
01:21:13
propped up in a fake boxing ring during san juan in san juan puerto rico dude this is a thing go down go down this is
01:21:18
amazing this guy's no no no no no no no no no no no way
01:21:25
look at this motorcycle he that that's his let go down a little bit the body of david morales cologne was placed on his
01:21:30
motorcycle in peculiar view and peculiar viewing ceremony that his family requested shot in san juan puerto rico
01:21:36
apparently it's a lot of puerto ricans that are doing this latinos do that all of that
01:21:44
this is amazing oh i wish there was more there's none more do puerto rican themed funerals
01:21:50
apparently the puerto ricans got this [ __ ] on luck show this to jock talk doc do you know doc
01:21:57
look at that doc do you know what that is yes
01:22:02
that's steve and bobby's mom oh and their father my dad died right in that right moment my dad died right now he's
01:22:08
dead he takes his photo right now right this moment no no no not today i mean what i was about to say what kind of
01:22:13
[ __ ] is this trust me we've said it before okay and this [ __ ] this guy he has this in his i mean that you took that picture bobby
01:22:20
yes look at this guy green lantern that's amazing
01:22:26
that's amazing i'm telling you the puerto ricans look at that yeah gambling gambling this homie
01:22:32
whatever they like that's the theme of it oh my goodness puerto rican themed black dudes and
01:22:37
puerto rican dudes that's who does it look at the milk crate and what is that one what is that the guy waiting no no
01:22:43
that's a sketch oh that's a sketch no that's just a regular picture that standing him up in the corner
01:22:51
how old is that kid puerto rican gangster propped up playing dominoes at his own funeral
01:22:58
that's a real guy there's no way that's guys it says sam on puerto rico the dead man is sitting with his eyes open at his own funeral motorcycle
01:23:05
that motorcycle clip is bad that's insane [Laughter]
01:23:12
i don't know what it is look at this guy yeah yeah he was a drummer look they put it outside isn't that word
01:23:18
that's outside the funeral yeah what would you do what would you want your body to do
01:23:24
but i don't know what like position do i want in yeah this in this podcast studio just
01:23:30
in front of the podcast mike you and me yeah i would just say put me in like diapers
01:23:36
yeah put me in a gigantic panda uh-huh i have a lasso i'm on the pad you know i
01:23:41
mean riding the panda yeah just i could see that i could see you hey you
01:23:47
hanging from like a bamboo tree like doc and i die at the same time here it is all right go ahead and go
01:23:54
with the story bro would you be mad at that we're dead already why wouldn't you you're both dead what does it matter
01:24:00
we're both dead yeah and we're just like um like 69
01:24:07
you know i'm the boss i have my hands on like this i'm going to that field what about my wishes
01:24:13
oh that's true
01:24:20
how do you want to be prop what would you think if i had a pro oh damn that would be uh
01:24:27
just make you tall but just hanging from the hoop now
01:24:33
here's something with bobby in it under my nuts
01:24:50
all right let's have doc sign off all right say thank you for talking about that that camera that one in the corner and say thank you for being a bad friend
01:24:56
slow and smooth we might put some funky ass music beneath it thank you for being a bad friend no no
01:25:01
come on draw that [ __ ] out like thank you for being a bad friend you know draw it the [ __ ] out thank you for being a
01:25:08
bad friend damn i love that [Music]
