00:00:00
Hey, bad friends. I am going to be in
00:00:03
San Diego, Bobby's hometown, on June
00:00:05
28th at the Sound in Delmare, North
00:00:08
County. Come on out, dude. Take a break
00:00:10
from the water and the sun, San Diego.
00:00:13
Come see him at the sound. June 28th.
00:00:15
Two shows, early show and a late show.
00:00:16
June 28th. Then July 24th, I'm going to
00:00:19
be uh in St. Charles, Missouri.
00:00:21
Basically St. Louis, right next door.
00:00:23
Next door neighbors, come out and see me
00:00:24
at the Merit Star Casino. St. Charles,
00:00:26
St. Louis, Missouri. That's July 24th.
00:00:28
June 28th in San Diego. Come out and see
00:00:30
me. Go to andrewantino.com for those
00:00:31
tickets. Andrewsantino.com.
00:00:33
>> You two are bad friends.
00:00:34
>> Who are these two idiots?
00:00:36
>> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:40
are disgusting.
00:00:42
>> You two are something.
00:00:43
>> We're bad friends. Pey
00:00:53
white.
00:00:55
>> Average white.
00:00:58
Normal white guy. Normal white guy.
00:01:01
Normal white guy,
00:01:04
>> right?
00:01:05
>> Yeah. I like it.
00:01:06
>> Yeah. You like it?
00:01:06
>> Look who's back.
00:01:07
>> You're still buying beef at the store?
00:01:09
>> Oh, beef.
00:01:10
>> 20% up.
00:01:11
>> Yeah.
00:01:11
>> Yeah.
00:01:12
>> Oh, yeah.
00:01:12
>> You eating the beef, huh?
00:01:14
>> I'm eating the beef.
00:01:14
>> Yeah. Yeah. What else? What about gas?
00:01:17
>> Gas on the lowest grade gas.
00:01:19
>> You get the low grain.
00:01:20
>> Yeah.
00:01:20
>> I get supreme anyway.
00:01:22
>> That's just with That's gas with
00:01:23
tomatoes and sour cream.
00:01:24
>> Exactly.
00:01:25
>> They're working. It's like a baked
00:01:26
potato.
00:01:27
>> Yeah.
00:01:27
>> Have you gotten colonoscopy?
00:01:29
>> I have it.
00:01:30
>> Yeah. I just got mine
00:01:31
>> last week. Let's bring up the results.
00:01:34
>> No, I can just tell you the results.
00:01:36
>> It was awesome. The phone call made me
00:01:37
happy. Yeah.
00:01:37
>> Zero polyps. Zero.
00:01:38
>> No polyps. No cancer. They did find a
00:01:41
fingernail.
00:01:44
Apparently my ass was like a well from
00:01:46
the silence of the lamb.
00:01:48
Things are crawling out of it. You know
00:01:50
what I mean? I think my poop has claws
00:01:52
cuz it was just crawling out.
00:01:53
>> Something's got to be
00:01:54
>> Yeah, they found a fingernail. Yeah.
00:01:55
Yeah. And a little bit of AIDS. But um
00:01:59
you can't put that in there.
00:02:01
>> They tested it. It's pure.
00:02:03
>> Does
00:02:05
this back from Coachella? Bobby Lee and
00:02:07
Carlos Herrera went out to the desert.
00:02:10
They were at Coachella. They were
00:02:11
ripping it up, dude. TMZ reported on it.
00:02:14
>> Well, rip ripping it up is um I'll tell
00:02:16
you what happened. And I may may I show
00:02:18
may may I show you my Coachella
00:02:20
experience? I never been before.
00:02:22
>> That's why I introed it.
00:02:22
>> He was showing off his wristband.
00:02:25
>> Yeah, I was showing off hot shot with
00:02:26
the new wristband.
00:02:27
>> Yeah. It's kind of like rude.
00:02:29
>> Start it over. Go ahead. Go ahead.
00:02:33
>> [ __ ] No,
00:02:36
>> they tag you now.
00:02:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] You're an [ __ ]
00:02:39
>> Yeah. Arrogant [ __ ]
00:02:40
>> What section of coach? You're missing an
00:02:41
A.
00:02:43
>> Hey, what's up, dude? What section are
00:02:44
you in? [ __ ]
00:02:46
>> Yeah.
00:02:46
>> Oh, sick dog. I'm a douchebag.
00:02:48
>> Yeah, that's artist.
00:02:49
>> That's artist.
00:02:50
>> So, whose artist pass was it?
00:02:52
>> Mine.
00:02:54
>> What artist gave you an artist pass?
00:02:56
>> Well, I I'll be honest with you. We we
00:02:58
we we know a guy, you know. Should we
00:03:01
say his name?
00:03:02
>> Yeah.
00:03:03
>> And he's a pure white. Um he's a um what
00:03:07
I like how they call a forever white
00:03:09
>> like me.
00:03:10
>> Yeah. You're forever white. Like you
00:03:12
guys are the good ones,
00:03:13
>> right?
00:03:13
>> You mean Pete, I think I would put you
00:03:15
in that category.
00:03:16
>> What about McCone?
00:03:17
>> Yeah. Not really
00:03:19
>> cuz he he can turn on a dime. Yeah. And
00:03:21
his allegiances I don't know whose
00:03:23
allegiances is too.
00:03:24
>> He that he he is such a fence sitter. We
00:03:27
don't know where.
00:03:27
>> We don't know where he is, dude. Yeah.
00:03:29
Yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan,
00:03:31
>> right?
00:03:31
>> Right. Who we're going to negotiate.
00:03:34
>> We're we're doing the negotiations.
00:03:36
Right. Yeah. But what what's really
00:03:38
going on here? Pakistan is great.
00:03:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so we um
00:03:46
he really hooked us up. This guy Cole,
00:03:47
he's such a nice guy. I hugged him a
00:03:49
thousand times. I was so grateful that,
00:03:51
you know, I mean, we were able to go
00:03:53
>> and um
00:03:55
>> who's the gentleman you're referring to?
00:03:56
>> Cole. He's the director. He's the
00:03:58
director of the whole festival. Yeah.
00:04:00
Yeah. Really cool guy. Um
00:04:03
>> um he looked after us and um we the only
00:04:06
show I saw I I saw two shows. No, you
00:04:08
saw three. You were miserable at one.
00:04:10
>> I barely saw one.
00:04:12
>> Oh, who was the third?
00:04:13
>> Oh, so the f the first I say two.
00:04:16
Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about
00:04:18
Sabrina Carpenter.
00:04:19
>> Fill me in.
00:04:20
>> Okay, I will. Um, she's um a good
00:04:23
performer.
00:04:24
>> Mhm.
00:04:25
>> Pretty.
00:04:26
>> Mhm.
00:04:26
>> Uh, she gave it her all.
00:04:28
>> Mhm.
00:04:28
>> Uh-huh. Um, I had rather been in an ICE
00:04:32
detention center.
00:04:35
I'd rather been in a Japanese inter
00:04:36
camp. Um, it was pure painful until,
00:04:40
that's me, until Grandadonna came out.
00:04:45
And when Grandma Madonna came out, I was
00:04:48
so excited.
00:04:49
>> Grandma Madonna.
00:04:51
>> Grand Madonna. Madonna came out. But the
00:04:53
Graham version.
00:04:54
>> Oh, yeah.
00:04:55
>> Old Madonna.
00:04:56
>> Yeah.
00:04:57
>> Grandma Madonna.
00:04:58
>> Yeah. Grandma Madonna.
00:04:59
>> Yeah. Grandma. Grandmama Madonna.
00:05:00
>> Yeah. Grandma Madonna.
00:05:01
>> Grandma Mad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:03
>> And she did Vogue. And when you know
00:05:05
what I mean?
00:05:05
>> Come on. Vogue.
00:05:06
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:07
>> Let your body move with the music.
00:05:10
>> She's a strike a pose. And when she
00:05:12
strike a pose, she had her [ __ ]
00:05:14
walking her walker.
00:05:16
>> Yeah. Her walker.
00:05:17
>> It was incredible.
00:05:19
>> Well, strike a pose. You know what I
00:05:20
mean? And she was doing that, right? She
00:05:23
was doing a lot of leaning against, you
00:05:24
know what I mean? Objects.
00:05:25
>> I heard Madonna's tour bus pulled up
00:05:27
into the handicap parking spot.
00:05:31
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:31
>> Wait a minute.
00:05:32
>> But she was incredible.
00:05:33
>> Was she a surprise guest?
00:05:34
>> Yeah, we heard. So, you know, I'm
00:05:35
watching us. I I Here's another weird
00:05:38
thing is when you've never heard of the
00:05:40
music.
00:05:40
>> Uhhuh.
00:05:41
>> I had I I kept calling what? Karen
00:05:43
Carpenter.
00:05:44
>> Oh, yeah.
00:05:44
>> Yeah. Because I did I kept messing up I
00:05:46
kept messing up the names.
00:05:47
>> Karen Carpenter.
00:05:48
>> Karen Carpenter is a good performer is
00:05:49
what I Look at Look at the set, right?
00:05:51
>> She was good. Karen Carpenter.
00:05:53
>> Yeah. Karen Carpenter was so good.
00:05:54
>> Great musician.
00:05:55
>> You barely see her. She's so skinny.
00:05:57
>> So, this is this is Sabrina Carpenter.
00:05:59
>> Sabrina Carpenter. She's killing it on
00:06:00
stage. But when you haven't heard the
00:06:02
music before, like not a single Have you
00:06:05
heard of the music before?
00:06:06
>> No, I didn't know anything.
00:06:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. I kept calling to looking at
00:06:09
Carlos and the girls me Jules Issa are
00:06:12
going crazy like saying the words, you
00:06:15
know. Espresso.
00:06:17
>> Oh, espresso.
00:06:18
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's her song.
00:06:19
>> Oh, yeah.
00:06:20
>> Is it?
00:06:21
>> How does it How does it go?
00:06:22
>> I don't know. Espresso.
00:06:24
>> Espresso. Espresso.
00:06:25
>> Get me an espresso. Hey. Hey. Hey. Why
00:06:29
don't you get me an espresso? Let me do
00:06:31
the lyrics and see if I can get
00:06:32
>> Yeah. Yeah. See if you can do it.
00:06:34
>> Now he's thinking about me every night.
00:06:37
Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so. Say
00:06:40
you can't sleep, baby. I know. That's
00:06:43
me. Espresso,
00:06:44
>> can you zoom it in? Maybe try me doing a
00:06:46
lyric here.
00:06:46
>> Yeah, let's hear it.
00:06:47
>> Move it up, down, left, right, on.
00:06:50
Switch up like Nintendo. Say you can't
00:06:53
sleep, baby. I know that's me. espresso.
00:06:59
>> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:02
[ __ ] are on vacation. And I got this
00:07:04
one boy. He won't stop calling. When
00:07:05
they act this way, I know I got them.
00:07:07
Wait a minute. Time out.
00:07:08
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:09
>> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:11
[ __ ] are on vacation. Yeah.
00:07:12
>> Clean. Yeah.
00:07:13
>> And I got this one boy. He won't stop
00:07:14
calling. Yeah.
00:07:15
>> When they act this way, you know I got
00:07:17
them. No.
00:07:18
>> And I don't like that.
00:07:20
>> I don't like it either.
00:07:20
>> Too bad for your ex. Don't do it for
00:07:22
you. Walked in a dream came true for
00:07:24
you. soft skin and I perfumed it for
00:07:26
you. Yes, I know it for you. Yes, that
00:07:29
morning coffee brewed it for you. Yes,
00:07:31
that one touch brand I n it for you. Now
00:07:33
we think about me every night. Isn't
00:07:35
that sweet? Guess you can't sleep. You
00:07:36
know that how that's how it goes. That's
00:07:38
not how it goes.
00:07:38
>> That's not how it goes. No. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:40
It was much slower.
00:07:42
>> Yeah.
00:07:42
>> Well, it should have been faster.
00:07:44
>> All if all the songs were faster, it'd
00:07:45
be like a 15-minute set.
00:07:47
>> Oh, and you lied. I I turned to Carlos.
00:07:50
I go, "How long is this?" He goes, "4
00:07:52
minutes
00:07:52
>> her set."
00:07:53
>> Yeah. And an hour. an hour and a half
00:07:54
in, I looked at him. I go, "You're a
00:07:56
[ __ ] lawyer."
00:07:57
>> It's cuz the strokes didn't play long
00:07:59
last week, so I assumed it would be the
00:08:00
same amount of time.
00:08:01
>> Yeah. So, um, but when Grandma Grandma
00:08:04
Madonna came out, um, it was exciting
00:08:06
cuz she did, uh, Vogue Just Like a
00:08:08
Prayer with uh, Karen Carpenter and it
00:08:11
was like, um,
00:08:12
>> Just Like a Prayer is one of my favorite
00:08:13
songs.
00:08:13
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's so It was like then I
00:08:15
got goosebumps.
00:08:16
>> Right.
00:08:16
>> Right. And I was like, "Oh, fuck." You
00:08:18
know, this is incredible. But then I
00:08:21
couldn't wait to get the [ __ ] out of
00:08:22
there. Well, it's too many people, man.
00:08:24
>> Oh my. Well, in our area,
00:08:26
>> you're in the VIP. Yeah.
00:08:28
>> Yeah. He was by the trailers. Like Snoop
00:08:30
Dog walked by him and he's just like
00:08:32
laying back getting recognized.
00:08:33
>> Snoop walked by. Hi as a
00:08:35
>> Well, you're sitting next to a guy. He's
00:08:36
like, you know, talking for a while and
00:08:38
and I go, "What do you do?" He's like,
00:08:39
"Oh, I'm in the Suicidal Tendencies."
00:08:41
>> Oh, really?
00:08:42
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like that. It was that
00:08:43
kind of vibe. You know what I mean? And
00:08:44
then, so then the strokes came on the
00:08:47
second night.
00:08:48
>> Wow.
00:08:48
>> And that was fun.
00:08:50
>> They were They're good. They
00:08:51
>> They were good. And then I turned to
00:08:52
Jules, Issa, and this kid, Kua.
00:08:56
>> They do not know who are
00:08:59
>> Easter Island.
00:09:02
>> They have no idea what's going on.
00:09:03
>> Well, they don't know the strokes,
00:09:04
right?
00:09:05
>> They don't know. And also, when when
00:09:07
Madonna came out, Issa goes,
00:09:09
>> when who came out?
00:09:10
>> Madonna came out.
00:09:12
>> Who?
00:09:12
>> Grandma came out. Yeah, Grandma. Issa
00:09:15
looked at Jules and goes, "Who is that?"
00:09:18
>> Which is crazy. It's weird to be in this
00:09:20
like they're in a gap where that's too
00:09:22
old. Uh and the strokes are not as old
00:09:25
as Madonna but not their style of music.
00:09:28
>> So they're missing these two. That's
00:09:30
kind of wild.
00:09:30
>> Also, when you're the oldest guy in the
00:09:32
whole place,
00:09:34
>> it feels weird.
00:09:35
>> No, you weren't.
00:09:35
>> I know. I mean, you would see other But
00:09:37
they're working.
00:09:38
>> It's like Rick Rubin and you.
00:09:39
>> Yeah. Rick Rubin, me. There's a guy with
00:09:41
a camera that's like I mean, been doing
00:09:42
it for 40 years.
00:09:44
>> You're you're in a class of your own.
00:09:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then we Oh, so
00:09:47
we're sitting there the YouTube area.
00:09:49
>> It's lightly uh lit.
00:09:51
>> And then then we to the second level
00:09:54
above us was literally the Manson girls.
00:09:59
>> You mean like Charles Manson's?
00:10:01
>> Yeah. Do you remember in Once Upon a
00:10:02
Time in Hollywood that girl that was
00:10:04
hitchhiking?
00:10:04
>> Yeah. Margari.
00:10:05
>> So there's three girls up there. They're
00:10:07
wearing no shoes.
00:10:08
>> Wait, Margaret Quali was right.
00:10:10
>> No, no, no, no. It wasn't Marggo. That's
00:10:12
amazing.
00:10:13
>> No, that's not that. No, they were
00:10:14
wearing no shoes. They were like hippie
00:10:16
chicks at spawn ring.
00:10:17
>> Yeah. AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "YEAH." OH,
00:10:19
AND YOU Here's the most
00:10:20
>> That's cool, though.
00:10:21
>> Here's the most or once I walked in,
00:10:23
this is the most annoying. I knew I
00:10:25
wasn't going to have a good time.
00:10:26
>> The lady at the um gate, she says to me,
00:10:30
"Watch this. This would annoy you."
00:10:32
>> Yeah.
00:10:33
>> I'm going through and she goes,
00:10:36
>> "Stay hydrated."
00:10:38
>> Oh, yeah.
00:10:38
>> Like, [ __ ] I know what water is.
00:10:43
Like I've been drinking water longer
00:10:46
than you. I know about electrolytes. I
00:10:47
know about the whole thing.
00:10:48
>> To be fair.
00:10:50
>> What? I don't look like I'm hydrated.
00:10:51
>> You look quite dry.
00:10:53
>> I do.
00:10:54
>> No.
00:10:55
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:55
>> You're a sober guy. She's speaking to
00:10:57
the drug addicts that are there.
00:10:59
>> That place is filled with people on
00:11:00
drugs and and drinking heavily. Yes.
00:11:04
Most You know how many times how Google
00:11:06
how many people pass out or need medical
00:11:08
help at a Coachella weekend? I guarantee
00:11:09
you
00:11:10
>> I guarantee you it's in the hundreds of
00:11:12
people
00:11:13
>> because here's why. Every year something
00:11:15
bad go people have they pass out people
00:11:18
overdose
00:11:19
>> the weekend before a light bulb a
00:11:21
gigantic light bulb this side fell on a
00:11:23
person's head.
00:11:23
>> I heard about that.
00:11:24
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:25
>> That's crazy. Look at this. What does
00:11:27
that say? 80 walking 21 am. Okay. 84
00:11:33
>> amputes right here. So last year, a
00:11:35
hundred people had to get emergency
00:11:37
services because they're either too
00:11:39
high. Yeah.
00:11:40
>> They're not drinking water, which is why
00:11:42
that woman is doing her job.
00:11:43
>> Yeah.
00:11:43
>> And if she's doing her job, it'll go
00:11:45
down again next year.
00:11:46
>> It wasn't what she was saying. It's how
00:11:48
she said it.
00:11:48
>> You didn't like her her vibe.
00:11:50
>> Yeah.
00:11:50
>> Drink water. Yeah. Like stay hyd.
00:12:01
>> Yeah. You got to know
00:12:01
>> of like, you know what I I know how
00:12:03
water works.
00:12:04
>> Yeah, lady. I know how water works.
00:12:05
>> Yeah, I know how water You know how a
00:12:06
water works, right?
00:12:07
>> Just found out.
00:12:08
>> This stuff is fantastic.
00:12:09
>> It's It's the best beverage on earth.
00:12:10
>> The best beverage on earth.
00:12:11
>> Yeah. Yeah. But
00:12:12
>> so so then you're backstage. The Manson
00:12:15
girls are there.
00:12:15
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:16
>> This is a big group or did you guys
00:12:18
split up? Were you and Jules and Nissa
00:12:19
were they did everyone?
00:12:20
>> At that point it was me, the girl I was
00:12:22
seeing and Carlos and behind us were
00:12:26
three Manson girls, you know what I
00:12:27
mean? with no shoes on and they're just,
00:12:30
>> you know, I mean, just doing things,
00:12:31
>> vibing, dude.
00:12:32
>> I like that.
00:12:33
>> I know you liked it. That's when you
00:12:34
said the other thing.
00:12:35
>> Oh, yeah.
00:12:36
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they
00:12:37
were like, you know what I mean?
00:12:38
>> Yeah.
00:12:39
>> Yeah. And it's like like it's also I
00:12:42
know how much it costs to be there in
00:12:44
that area.
00:12:45
>> Yeah.
00:12:45
>> You know what I mean? And they, you
00:12:47
know, their feet are just dirt.
00:12:49
>> But you didn't have to pay for that
00:12:50
area. They did. What you
00:12:52
>> So that's what I'm saying. It's like
00:12:53
here's um so I was in the artist area
00:12:56
and there was three blo from England.
00:12:58
>> Hello mate.
00:12:59
>> Hello Mike. Right. And I go you
00:13:02
and I go yeah. And they're like I go
00:13:04
what do you guys do? You know what I
00:13:05
mean? We're investors.
00:13:07
>> Yeah.
00:13:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. We're finance investors.
00:13:09
>> Yeah.
00:13:10
>> And and so you realize it's just all
00:13:12
rich people.
00:13:12
>> Old money. We've got we've got really ow
00:13:15
money.
00:13:15
>> Yeah. Really got
00:13:16
>> Yeah. And then you realize when you're
00:13:19
there in front of a sea of people
00:13:21
>> and you go in your mind, you're trying
00:13:24
to have a good time.
00:13:25
>> Mhm.
00:13:25
>> But in your mind,
00:13:29
>> we're in a war.
00:13:32
>> Would you ever go
00:13:33
>> to Coachella?
00:13:34
>> Yeah.
00:13:34
>> I I told you I think I I I went to like
00:13:36
the fifth or sixth one.
00:13:38
>> Yeah.
00:13:38
>> Ever?
00:13:39
>> Yeah.
00:13:39
>> And I've never been back. I went to it
00:13:41
and I was like, this is You know me.
00:13:44
That is my nightmare. You know me,
00:13:47
that's my nightmare.
00:13:48
>> Thousands of people like I can't do
00:13:49
that. I I But you know, but you're
00:13:51
different in the fact that like you can
00:13:52
enjoy you can enjoy like the scene with
00:13:55
with with the family.
00:13:57
>> You can with the girls.
00:13:58
>> Was I enjoying
00:13:59
>> you eventually did? Yeah. You found like
00:14:01
good in it with I can go to one show if
00:14:05
it's a one band I want to see one. I
00:14:08
can't do
00:14:08
>> You can't sit through Karen Carpenter
00:14:10
for the for like a festival of Karen
00:14:12
Carpenter.
00:14:14
>> I can't do that. That gives me anxiety.
00:14:16
I don't care.
00:14:16
>> Where did you poop? Where do you poop?
00:14:18
>> Oh, in they have nicer ones now. Oh,
00:14:20
they do for the VIP. There's nicer ones.
00:14:22
They look like like maybe a Nou um
00:14:24
bathroom.
00:14:26
>> Yeah. Yeah, I went to Nou. I'll tell you
00:14:28
at Coachella.
00:14:28
>> Yeah, I I'll tell you about my Nou, but
00:14:30
I want to just say this. What? Yeah.
00:14:32
>> So, the Nou was one thing. All right.
00:14:33
So, so I I made a I made a promise with
00:14:37
myself. I'll never go back. I don't care
00:14:39
what it is.
00:14:39
>> Thank you.
00:14:40
>> It dep I don't care if it's the return
00:14:42
of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell.
00:14:45
Whatever. Yeah. Return of Jesus Christ,
00:14:47
right? I ain't going.
00:14:48
>> Would he play the main stage? You think
00:14:51
>> they couldn't get Jesus on the main
00:14:52
stage?
00:14:54
>> They're like, "Look."
00:14:54
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:14:55
>> Ariana Grande beats the number.
00:14:57
>> Harry Styles is going to get main stage.
00:14:59
>> He's a stage coach.
00:15:00
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:01
>> That's so funny.
00:15:02
>> Jesus is at Bonnaroo.
00:15:03
>> Yeah. I mean, they could do the return
00:15:05
of the Beatles and have George and
00:15:07
John's Bones up there. Just, you know
00:15:09
what I mean?
00:15:11
I I I would not go. You know what I
00:15:13
mean? I still would not marionette.
00:15:15
>> Yeah, marionette.
00:15:17
>> When you lose in my head
00:15:21
>> points of view,
00:15:23
>> that would be so funny to say.
00:15:26
>> I know.
00:15:27
>> Tax man.
00:15:29
>> Get in the tax man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:31
Yeah. That' be so
00:15:32
>> You still wouldn't go.
00:15:33
>> You wouldn't go. No, you would never go.
00:15:34
>> I would never go back. Right. Terrible.
00:15:36
Do do the thing. So then Carlos says to
00:15:39
me, he goes,
00:15:41
"I got you Nou." I go, "Where?" At
00:15:45
Coachella. And I go, "Oh, that's cool.
00:15:48
Thank you." He's at 7:00.
00:15:50
>> For my birthday, I got him Nou.
00:15:51
>> How did you do that?
00:15:52
>> And for for your birthday, I got you
00:15:54
Coachella.
00:15:55
>> Thank you. I
00:15:56
>> You know what I mean? So I think that I
00:15:57
won.
00:15:59
>> It's not a contest.
00:16:00
>> I know. But what you just said was
00:16:02
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:16:03
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:03
>> No, you did. You did do that. You You
00:16:05
just did do that.
00:16:06
>> I'm a little edgy. I
00:16:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:08
>> Wait, why?
00:16:08
>> Molly 18.
00:16:10
>> So he gives me
00:16:12
>> Oh, okay. Can I just say I want to say
00:16:14
this one?
00:16:15
>> And I'm going to gnark on you.
00:16:16
>> So, first of all, you [ __ ] lied cuz
00:16:18
when I called you and we talked, I said,
00:16:19
"Did you do you do any drugs at
00:16:20
Coachell?" And you said, "I didn't
00:16:21
consider Molly a drug because it's
00:16:23
>> Oh, it's not just drugs. It's not just
00:16:24
Oh, I'm sorry. Can I interrupt? Can I
00:16:26
interrupt? Can I interrupt?"
00:16:28
>> Yeah.
00:16:28
>> I thought
00:16:28
>> he comes out into the cuz we we Airbnb
00:16:31
the house. Yeah.
00:16:32
>> He comes into the living room. I'm
00:16:34
sorry. Happy birthday. He brings out a
00:16:36
Bible.
00:16:37
>> Oh, no.
00:16:39
>> Right.
00:16:39
>> While you're on Molly.
00:16:40
>> No. And he opens up the Bible. It's not
00:16:43
a Bible.
00:16:44
>> It's a drug pharmacy.
00:16:47
>> Carlos,
00:16:49
>> you still have the drug Bible.
00:16:51
>> That's insane.
00:16:52
>> Yeah.
00:16:53
>> It's like a little travel case. His
00:16:55
little Bible.
00:16:55
>> It has a lock on it. So proof.
00:16:57
>> I know. Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.
00:16:59
>> Dog and kid proof. That's why I brought
00:17:00
it.
00:17:01
>> Written Arab Arabic.
00:17:04
still written in Arabic in his [ __ ]
00:17:05
Bible, right?
00:17:06
>> Inshallah.
00:17:07
>> Yeah. And so, are you mad at that?
00:17:09
>> No. It made Bieber so much fun.
00:17:10
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, then
00:17:13
>> he makes me go to Nou now. It sounds
00:17:15
good. They make you go to
00:17:16
>> No. Hold. Stop. Let him get it out.
00:17:18
Where is the Nou?
00:17:20
>> Just in the middle of the festival.
00:17:22
>> There's a Nou in the grounds. Like they
00:17:24
built a [ __ ] no.
00:17:26
>> They built a Nou in the grounds.
00:17:28
>> What? That's crazy. But unfortunately,
00:17:32
they built it. So you you're you're on a
00:17:35
patio outside and literally 200 feet
00:17:38
away is the stage of the EDM festival,
00:17:43
right? So you're eating you're eating
00:17:46
you're eating sushi in an earthquake.
00:17:50
It was the most unpleasant human
00:17:52
experience.
00:17:55
>> And I felt bad for the sushi chefs.
00:17:57
>> Oh yeah,
00:17:58
>> cuz you have to be there all day. Oh, I
00:18:00
bet they got paid handsomely.
00:18:02
>> Oh, I I I hope so.
00:18:03
>> I guarantee you they made so much
00:18:05
[ __ ] money on
00:18:06
>> because they're there all day listening
00:18:08
to this.
00:18:10
>> That's the view from No,
00:18:12
>> I got to tell you.
00:18:12
>> That's the view. That's the stage and
00:18:15
and that's not one speaker.
00:18:18
>> That's all of the speakers.
00:18:19
>> Yeah. That's the kind of speakers in
00:18:21
Close Encounters with Third Kind they
00:18:22
communicated with aliens.
00:18:23
>> Yeah.
00:18:28
I mean, that's that speaker, too.
00:18:32
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and finasteride. I was in the desert. I
00:21:22
was in Las Vegas. Yeah, Viva Las Vegas.
00:21:26
Interesting place.
00:21:28
Interesting.
00:21:29
>> I've been there.
00:21:31
>> Like it
00:21:32
>> as if I've never been there.
00:21:34
>> Do you like it?
00:21:35
>> In what way? Exactly. In what way?
00:21:39
>> Ditto.
00:21:40
>> Exactly.
00:21:42
>> Ditto to you, my friend.
00:21:43
>> Every time I go to Vegas, this
00:21:48
>> so much smoke.
00:21:48
>> Oh, yeah.
00:21:49
>> I can't breathe, dude. Michelle Wi says
00:21:51
hi, by the way.
00:21:52
>> Who does?
00:21:52
>> Michelle Wi.
00:21:53
>> Oh, the athlete.
00:21:54
>> Probably the greatest female golfer on
00:21:56
earth. She lo She loves you.
00:21:58
>> Loves you.
00:21:59
>> Oh, I wish Bobby would come to
00:22:01
something.
00:22:02
>> Yeah.
00:22:02
>> Michelle Wi West. One of the best. And
00:22:04
then when we were watching the strokes,
00:22:05
Josh Adam Myers walks by like in the
00:22:08
elite area.
00:22:09
>> Do his voice.
00:22:10
>> I Well, hey, I'm Josh Adams.
00:22:14
>> I don't know. And you know, he's with
00:22:16
the Strokes.
00:22:17
>> Mhm.
00:22:17
>> You know what I mean?
00:22:18
>> Mhm.
00:22:18
>> And I go, "Hey, Josh." He doesn't turn
00:22:20
around and textes me later. Where are
00:22:22
you?
00:22:22
>> Oh, you think he saw you and pretended
00:22:24
not see you?
00:22:24
>> I don't know.
00:22:25
>> That's [ __ ] up.
00:22:26
>> I don't know.
00:22:27
>> Bobby, I
00:22:28
>> You saw him, too, right?
00:22:30
>> Yeah.
00:22:30
>> Yeah. Yeah. You think he did the thing
00:22:32
where it's like I don't
00:22:33
>> I don't know.
00:22:34
>> I love that move though. What?
00:22:35
>> I love that for him.
00:22:36
>> Yeah, because he's in a different class.
00:22:38
>> What does that mean? What do you mean?
00:22:40
>> He's with the band.
00:22:41
>> You're with the band.
00:22:42
>> No, it wasn't. I was back. We went back
00:22:44
there to see them and I I couldn't get
00:22:46
to him.
00:22:46
>> Yeah, he was looking for the stroke.
00:22:49
>> I was. And you couldn't get to him?
00:22:51
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:52
>> We couldn't find him.
00:22:53
>> We couldn't find him.
00:22:54
>> Yeah. But there was We ran into that um
00:22:57
comedian Megan
00:22:59
>> Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her.
00:23:01
>> Oh, me Stalter. Yeah. Me Stalter. So
00:23:03
funny. And then I we ran into um
00:23:05
>> like Minnie Mouse.
00:23:06
>> Yeah.
00:23:06
>> She's funny.
00:23:07
>> Yeah.
00:23:08
>> And this one kid, we don't still don't
00:23:10
know who he is, but he had like um three
00:23:13
um what do you call him, Carlos?
00:23:16
>> Oh, like
00:23:16
>> piercings on his right eye
00:23:18
>> and he was kind of sweating. He was
00:23:20
like, I just got off stage and
00:23:21
mainstage. We still don't know who it
00:23:22
was.
00:23:22
>> A comedian.
00:23:23
>> No, he was a performer.
00:23:25
>> Oh, yeah. There was no comedy at
00:23:26
Coachella, right?
00:23:27
>> Imagine. I mean, they could have they
00:23:30
could have a comedy tent and do very
00:23:31
well. I bet.
00:23:32
>> You think so?
00:23:33
>> Ask at other festivals like
00:23:34
>> Yeah, they do that. What do you mean?
00:23:35
>> But you wouldn't it wouldn't be our
00:23:37
types of comedy.
00:23:38
>> I I looked at the demographic. There's
00:23:40
just no way.
00:23:41
>> Who would it be? Who would headline
00:23:42
Coachella?
00:23:43
>> Okay. Oh, this is good. This is this is
00:23:44
good.
00:23:44
>> I mean, first of all, Chappelle could
00:23:46
easily do that.
00:23:47
>> He could, but I'm talking about it would
00:23:49
be more um
00:23:50
>> like on the smaller tents.
00:23:52
>> A smaller tent. More of a I could see
00:23:54
Mosha Casher.
00:23:56
>> Yeah.
00:23:56
>> These types, you know what I mean?
00:23:58
>> East side. East side comedy side. Yeah,
00:24:01
I get that.
00:24:01
>> I could see uh David Cross doing well.
00:24:04
>> No [ __ ] way. He would never go out
00:24:05
there.
00:24:06
>> That's another that when I said that, I
00:24:08
go I promise you this. I will not run
00:24:12
into a sing except for Meg,
00:24:14
>> but she's an actress, right? I will not
00:24:16
run into a traditional standup comic
00:24:19
here ever cuz there's just I imagine
00:24:22
David Tell sitting there watching Karen
00:24:24
Carpenter.
00:24:25
>> No, but that's but that's not true.
00:24:26
There's there comics that are into
00:24:27
psychedelics would absolutely go to
00:24:28
that. There's a lot of comics that like
00:24:29
music and psychedelics and I'm sure
00:24:30
there's a lot of guys that would go do
00:24:32
that.
00:24:33
>> I I I just I never ran into one.
00:24:34
>> I bet you there's way more than you
00:24:36
thought were out there. You think so? I
00:24:37
I I would assume that like Yeah. No, not
00:24:40
you know.
00:24:40
>> I couldn't see like a traditional
00:24:42
>> Not like Louis CK is not
00:24:44
>> Yeah. There's no way Louis is going to
00:24:45
be there watching. Yeah. I mean, Sabrina
00:24:47
Carpenter.
00:24:47
>> No, but there's some people that are
00:24:48
that Yeah. There's some drug drug comics
00:24:50
that like to get high and listen to
00:24:52
music. And
00:24:52
>> also it What What When When did Bieber
00:24:54
end? 1:00 a.m.
00:24:56
>> 1:00 a.m. Imagine being out there at
00:24:58
1:00 a.m. in the desert.
00:25:00
>> It was great.
00:25:01
>> Yeah, he loved it.
00:25:02
>> Yeah, I'm 54. My body couldn't do it.
00:25:04
>> You got to go home.
00:25:04
>> I did the strokes and I did three hops
00:25:06
and then everything broke.
00:25:08
>> Remember?
00:25:09
>> He was hopping hard.
00:25:10
>> Yeah, I was hopping hard.
00:25:10
>> I broke from the stroke.
00:25:16
>> I mean it I couldn't bo anymore.
00:25:18
>> You loved it though cuz you were on
00:25:19
MDMA.
00:25:20
>> Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't
00:25:22
Yeah.
00:25:22
>> Yeah, he did. No, you were taking it all
00:25:24
day long. I saw.
00:25:25
>> No, those are mushrooms.
00:25:27
>> Oh, okay.
00:25:27
>> So, you're eating mushrooms all day and
00:25:28
then to Molly at night for Bieber?
00:25:29
>> Yeah, it was the warm up.
00:25:30
>> Yeah, it was warm up. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:32
>> And then he slept in the house with you.
00:25:34
>> He slept in the door. No, but I had to
00:25:36
lock the door.
00:25:36
>> Yeah, I was next to
00:25:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. He was literally right next
00:25:39
to me. I had to lock the door.
00:25:40
>> How many? It was a lot of rooms.
00:25:41
>> Yeah, there were a lot of
00:25:42
>> like 12 rooms.
00:25:43
>> And you slept next to him?
00:25:45
>> Mhm.
00:25:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I had to lock his
00:25:46
door to my room.
00:25:48
>> Yeah.
00:25:48
>> Because I was with my friend and it's
00:25:50
like I didn't want him to walk in.
00:25:52
>> Right.
00:25:52
>> Right. Cuz that would be
00:25:53
>> that would be gross
00:25:54
>> cuz then he would take his clothes off.
00:25:55
>> 100%.
00:25:56
>> You know what I mean? And then to try to
00:25:57
ram it in me.
00:25:58
>> I thought about you on the week all
00:26:00
weekend because I was with a table of
00:26:01
friends and one of my friends
00:26:03
girlfriends
00:26:04
>> didn't understand how I could pick out
00:26:06
which of the girls on the floor of the
00:26:07
casino were professionals.
00:26:08
>> Oh, it's so easy.
00:26:09
>> She's like, "How do you know?" I'm like,
00:26:10
"What? It's so clear. Like, it's so
00:26:12
obvious what girls are out there."
00:26:13
>> Oh, tell me the rules.
00:26:14
>> What's the hottest one wearing nice
00:26:16
shoes?
00:26:17
>> First of all, dead giveaway at any
00:26:18
casino. You go to like the bar there. If
00:26:21
you're at a casino and you're not
00:26:22
gambling and
00:26:23
>> what casino?
00:26:24
>> Any every all every everyone
00:26:26
>> all center of the because there's always
00:26:28
a center bar.
00:26:29
>> Well, there's always a bar that's near
00:26:31
where the tables are, right? Whether
00:26:33
people are paying $80 a drink, but you
00:26:34
can get a drink for free if you just
00:26:36
gamble. So, it's the dumbest [ __ ]
00:26:38
>> Yeah.
00:26:38
>> So, it's usually
00:26:40
>> uh a single girl sitting alone who's
00:26:42
remarkably attractive wearing a dress
00:26:44
that's not even on her body. Yeah.
00:26:46
>> And she's on her phone the whole time.
00:26:47
Yeah. Right. And then she's waiting at
00:26:50
the bar for, you know, old man
00:26:52
McGillicuy to sit down. Yeah. Who's got
00:26:54
a suit jacket? The old guys always have
00:26:55
a suit jacket that are rich. They don't
00:26:57
dress like us.
00:26:57
>> I love old men.
00:26:58
>> Old men are the best.
00:26:59
>> No. Middle Cuddy.
00:27:02
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:03
>> Cuddy.
00:27:04
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:06
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:07
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:08
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:08
>> Yeah.
00:27:09
>> Okay.
00:27:10
>> Yeah. And they're always alone. They
00:27:12
always are alone cuz then what they do
00:27:14
is
00:27:14
>> old manically.
00:27:16
>> Mckicoly is not alone. Oh, he's not
00:27:18
alone.
00:27:18
>> He's with guys, but the professional is
00:27:20
alone. And then she chums it up. Oh my
00:27:22
god. And then gives him the thought, oh,
00:27:25
this is the And she's like, who you here
00:27:26
with? And he's with some some friends.
00:27:28
She's like, let me get some of my
00:27:30
friends. And then you'll see the
00:27:32
professionals start coming like moth to
00:27:34
a flame. A few other hot girls will some
00:27:36
somehow show up out of nowhere or light
00:27:38
bulb
00:27:39
>> in his older what?
00:27:39
>> Or light bulb.
00:27:40
>> Well, moth to a flame is the phrase, BUT
00:27:41
YEAH,
00:27:43
>> I'm just any kind of source of light.
00:27:45
>> Any kind of source of light.
00:27:47
Yeah.
00:27:47
>> Incandescent.
00:27:48
>> I want to be
00:27:48
>> incandescent. Yeah.
00:27:50
>> And they'll show up and then you'll just
00:27:51
notice
00:27:52
>> Yeah.
00:27:52
>> five very slovenly looking middle of
00:27:56
nowhere men.
00:27:57
>> Yeah.
00:27:58
>> With three to five
00:28:00
>> unbelievably attractive women wearing
00:28:02
nothing half of their age. And you're
00:28:04
like these guys are going to get run on
00:28:06
by these professionals. These girls are
00:28:07
going to take these guys. And we watched
00:28:09
it happen like live. And my friend's
00:28:11
girlfriend was like,
00:28:12
>> "How did you how did you like call
00:28:13
that?" I was like, "It it's so
00:28:15
see-through. Why would that girl talk to
00:28:17
that guy?
00:28:18
>> Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to
00:28:20
the high limit rooms.
00:28:22
>> Always a professional walking around or
00:28:23
sitting kind of waiting near it.
00:28:25
>> I would have no idea.
00:28:26
>> It's so obvious.
00:28:27
>> We saw that in Vegas last time.
00:28:29
>> 100%.
00:28:30
>> So you can pick them off from a mile
00:28:31
away.
00:28:31
>> Very easy. Yeah,
00:28:32
>> it happened when we were uh where was I
00:28:34
just uh Oh, with
00:28:36
>> Cuz my assumption would be like, "Oh,
00:28:37
she's her boyfriend's in the bathroom."
00:28:39
>> No,
00:28:40
>> you know what I mean? Oh, she's just
00:28:41
waiting for her boyfriend in the
00:28:42
bathroom.
00:28:43
>> You can always tell.
00:28:44
>> Really? you. It's just there's a vibe
00:28:45
that they're doing that you're like
00:28:47
they're they're obviously waiting for
00:28:49
their target. Like they're waiting for
00:28:51
the target to arrive. If you walk up to
00:28:53
her and if guys walk up to her and flirt
00:28:55
with her, which I'm sure they do, she
00:28:56
probably [ __ ] them off.
00:28:57
>> Why?
00:28:58
>> Cuz she's looking for the She goes
00:29:00
fishing.
00:29:00
>> Mhm.
00:29:01
>> She's not looking to be caught. She's
00:29:03
fishing.
00:29:03
>> Oh, she's fishing.
00:29:04
>> She's finding the idiot that she's
00:29:06
looking to take down. So, they find the
00:29:07
guy.
00:29:08
>> You when you see you see all these
00:29:09
things like target, take down. What is
00:29:11
going on here?
00:29:11
>> They're all in the military.
00:29:15
Yeah, cuz you're scaring me.
00:29:16
>> Well, they work. They seriously work.
00:29:18
So, like that's everything is strategy.
00:29:20
You can just see the way they operate.
00:29:21
It's all strategy by the way they they
00:29:23
operate with these guys. But you we
00:29:24
watched it happen and she was shocked.
00:29:25
She like couldn't believe it. I was
00:29:26
like, "Well, we saw it in Vegas
00:29:27
together. It was so you and then when I
00:29:29
was with Gillis, same thing. We sit at
00:29:30
the bar. Me and D. Rosa are sitting at
00:29:31
the bar
00:29:32
>> having a cocktail."
00:29:33
>> Yeah.
00:29:34
>> I'm about to go to bed cuz I play golf
00:29:36
the next morning.
00:29:36
>> Yeah. And this girl is sitting alone and
00:29:39
then she slowly is like kind of leaning
00:29:40
in on our conversation and she zones in
00:29:43
on D. Rosa and I slowly fade off into
00:29:46
the background,
00:29:47
>> right?
00:29:47
>> And I can see it happening.
00:29:48
>> You become a whisper.
00:29:49
>> And I texted him. I said, "Joe, don't do
00:29:52
anything stupid."
00:29:53
>> Oh.
00:29:54
>> And I disappoint.
00:29:54
>> So, but what happens next?
00:29:57
>> Then she chats who you get formal.
00:29:59
>> Tell me the rules.
00:29:59
>> Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a
00:30:01
drink. You can then it's like, "Oh,
00:30:02
let's have another have another drink."
00:30:03
>> How much is that?
00:30:04
>> Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those
00:30:06
bars are like 25 bucks probably. They're
00:30:08
a ripoff.
00:30:08
>> Yeah, but they don't drink. So,
00:30:09
>> and then she goes, "Oh, I want to go
00:30:10
gamble. Do you want to g Oh my god,
00:30:12
let's go gamble. Just you and me.
00:30:13
Separate him from the herd." Right. This
00:30:15
is how they kill their prey.
00:30:16
>> They go, "Let's go gamble. You and me."
00:30:17
So, then they take him to a table. Dude,
00:30:20
I I've seen it happen.
00:30:21
>> I've seen it happen.
00:30:22
>> And then they take him to a table or
00:30:23
they go, "Let's play slots." Whatever.
00:30:24
And it's like,
00:30:24
>> so you can tell this guy, this target,
00:30:26
right? You can call them the USA.
00:30:31
>> I mean, Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:33
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:34
>> So, you take the USA
00:30:36
>> into, you know, I mean, a hostile
00:30:37
environment
00:30:38
>> cuz the USA thinks he's the man. I'm the
00:30:40
man.
00:30:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. YEAH. YEAH. I GOT
00:30:42
MONEY.
00:30:43
>> I GOT MONEY.
00:30:43
>> I GOT MONEY. I'M I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY.
00:30:45
>> I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT.
00:30:46
>> WHATEVER YOU WANT. OKAY. NOW, I'm
00:30:49
beginning to see it now. Yeah.
00:30:52
>> I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.
00:30:54
>> Maybe the greatest analogy of all time.
00:30:55
>> I think so. I think so. I think it's
00:30:57
perfect. It's perfect.
00:30:57
>> And they separate them. They start to
00:30:59
gamble. They're drinking more. They're
00:31:00
gambling. Right.
00:31:01
>> Maybe. Then then then comes in the
00:31:02
dropout.
00:31:03
>> Yeah.
00:31:04
>> Should we get a bag?
00:31:06
>> Whoa.
00:31:07
>> Do you want to Oh, do you like to party?
00:31:09
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:09
>> Then this drops in. Right. Then you
00:31:11
start to see the swirl.
00:31:12
>> What do you mean? What's a bag?
00:31:13
>> Coke.
00:31:15
>> Do you want a bag?
00:31:16
>> Should we get a bag?
00:31:17
>> Yeah.
00:31:17
>> Yeah. Yeah. And then depending on if
00:31:20
>> Is that the term?
00:31:21
>> Get a bag. Yeah.
00:31:22
>> Yeah. Cuz I wouldn't know what that
00:31:23
meant. And she goes, "If you want a
00:31:24
bag," I go, "A bag of groceries?" "Well,
00:31:27
you want you want Instacart?
00:31:28
>> Let's go to Trader Joe. I wouldn't know
00:31:30
the term
00:31:31
>> be so funny to take a prostitute just to
00:31:32
Trader Joe's.
00:31:33
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:35
>> Yeah. You take her.
00:31:36
>> This is what I meant. You know what I
00:31:37
mean?
00:31:37
>> I just want stuff for my apartment.
00:31:39
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:39
>> Then they they ask for drugs and if the
00:31:41
if the subject is
00:31:42
>> like if I said um I don't do bags.
00:31:45
>> No, that's fine. You're probably less
00:31:47
likely now for her to attack harder.
00:31:49
>> Oh, okay. So, give me the situation. All
00:31:51
right. I say Okay. I say All right.
00:31:53
>> So, you're sober.
00:31:54
>> Yeah. I'm I've been sober for four
00:31:55
years.
00:31:56
>> Oh,
00:31:57
>> and I'm I'm going to talk like
00:31:58
Coachella.
00:32:00
I just wanted to go. I was just there.
00:32:02
You know what I mean? Hydray.
00:32:03
>> And then so I
00:32:04
>> All right. So I'm the professional.
00:32:05
>> You're the professional. So Oh, yeah. I
00:32:07
don't do drugs. I've been sober for 4
00:32:08
years. I don't have it back.
00:32:10
>> That's no problem.
00:32:12
>> There's That's not a problem.
00:32:13
>> Not at all.
00:32:14
>> Okay. So what do we do next?
00:32:15
>> Let's go gamble some more.
00:32:16
>> Okay. Let's gamble. So we're gambling. I
00:32:19
spent about three grand. Right. And then
00:32:20
at one point, what happens after that?
00:32:22
>> She goes, "Oh god, is this hotel nice?"
00:32:25
>> Oh, yeah. I have a suite here.
00:32:26
>> You do?
00:32:27
>> Yeah. Can we can I check it out? I want
00:32:29
to see. I've never seen the sweets here.
00:32:32
>> Okay.
00:32:32
>> See, you're in.
00:32:33
>> All right. So, we go to the elevator.
00:32:35
Boop. You because you have to put the
00:32:36
boop. And
00:32:36
>> you're in the elevator.
00:32:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. And you take your You have
00:32:38
to hack your room key. Boop. It
00:32:40
>> right.
00:32:42
>> Yeah. So, once you see the room, I mean,
00:32:45
what happens?
00:32:46
>> I just want to check it out.
00:32:47
>> Oh, you want to check it out? All right.
00:32:48
We're in the room.
00:32:49
>> Is there a mini bar in here?
00:32:50
>> Yeah.
00:32:50
>> I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot.
00:32:52
>> Yeah. I don't drink. I just [ __ ] said
00:32:53
that. I don't do bags or drink.
00:32:54
>> Can I do a shot?
00:32:56
>> Yeah, I guess.
00:32:56
>> Okay. I do a shot. Right.
00:32:58
>> Ready? I'm feeling good. It's warm in
00:32:59
here. Shirts off. Tits out.
00:33:01
>> Wait, Andrew.
00:33:02
>> Yeah.
00:33:02
>> She needs to go to the bathroom first to
00:33:04
text her pimp that she's okay.
00:33:06
>> Oh,
00:33:08
>> the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:09
>> By the way, by the way.
00:33:10
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:10
>> I've only seen this from the floor
00:33:11
level.
00:33:12
>> Carlos needs to take it from here.
00:33:14
>> Right.
00:33:14
>> I I actually don't know the next move.
00:33:15
I'm making it up as we go. But
00:33:18
>> that sounds right.
00:33:19
>> She text her. Well, tell us what they do
00:33:21
when they get into the room.
00:33:22
>> Yeah. Hold on. Can I use your restroom?
00:33:23
And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's
00:33:25
way too long. like things are happening.
00:33:27
>> How much does this cost,
00:33:29
>> Carlos?
00:33:29
>> Yeah.
00:33:30
>> In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's
00:33:33
going to be she's going to take her
00:33:34
shirt off.
00:33:34
>> Yeah.
00:33:35
>> She be like, "Oh, if you want to do
00:33:36
anything else, you have to tip me."
00:33:37
>> So they take their shirt off.
00:33:38
>> Yeah. They're like, "Okay."
00:33:39
>> And she says, "You have to tip me." But
00:33:41
you already paid her $1,000.
00:33:43
>> Anything else is extra? You have to tip
00:33:44
me.
00:33:45
>> So $1,000 is just to hang with her.
00:33:46
>> Yeah. Just for 5 minutes.
00:33:48
>> No, that's No way.
00:33:48
>> That I'm serious.
00:33:49
>> For nothing.
00:33:50
>> That's how they really I'm out.
00:33:51
>> That's how they rip.
00:33:52
>> You're not even getting like a tuggy or
00:33:54
something?
00:33:55
>> No. That's how they rip people off in
00:33:56
Vegas or LA. You have to
00:33:58
>> It feels too, you know what I mean?
00:33:59
>> The only story I know
00:34:00
>> Yeah.
00:34:01
>> I mean, other than the ones you've told
00:34:02
me, but from a friend of mine
00:34:04
>> who isn't a guy that would do this
00:34:07
usually, this was very out of pocket for
00:34:08
him, but I think he was newly single and
00:34:10
going through a rough patch.
00:34:11
>> Yeah.
00:34:12
>> This is a long time ago. But he told me
00:34:14
um they were drinking and he thinks that
00:34:17
she drugged him.
00:34:18
>> Well, okay. She know he knows. I mean,
00:34:20
he was drinking all day. He was
00:34:21
hammered.
00:34:22
>> Yeah.
00:34:22
>> But then he passed out. Blacked out.
00:34:24
passed out and then when he woke up his
00:34:26
watch and his cash were gone.
00:34:28
>> Oh yeah, that happens to like NBA
00:34:30
players all the time.
00:34:30
>> They I mean they call in their friends
00:34:32
to call.
00:34:32
>> Well then what's what's the worth what
00:34:34
is it worth it? There's it's not worth
00:34:36
it. Not that way.
00:34:37
>> Just jerk off.
00:34:38
>> Yeah.
00:34:39
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:40
>> No,
00:34:40
>> that's what I do. Just jerk off.
00:34:42
>> Yeah. But see, but here's the
00:34:43
difference.
00:34:43
>> Or get on Lexapro.
00:34:46
>> Get in on SSRI.
00:34:47
>> Yeah,
00:34:48
>> that does help.
00:34:48
>> This the commercial for SSRIs. Are you
00:34:51
having trouble with prostitutes? Let's
00:34:53
get on an SSRI.
00:34:55
>> No, but so have you been robbed before?
00:34:58
>> No. No, because I've
00:34:59
>> But you know the stories.
00:35:00
>> Yeah. You know,
00:35:01
>> so you keep doing
00:35:02
>> I've been in those situations and I've
00:35:04
like backed out.
00:35:05
>> But why are you still doing it knowing
00:35:06
that it's dangerous?
00:35:07
>> Oh, that was so long ago. No,
00:35:08
>> I'm the pro.
00:35:09
>> No, but here's I know you're so But
00:35:12
here's the thing about you.
00:35:13
>> You think you're the pro. You like you
00:35:15
like excitement.
00:35:16
>> Yeah.
00:35:17
>> You're you're sort of like a Navy Seal
00:35:18
in that way. Exactly. Where it's in no
00:35:21
other way whatsoever.
00:35:23
is so disrespectful to Navy Seals.
00:35:26
YEAH.
00:35:27
>> LIKE some of the most like adored
00:35:30
athletically, mentally, physically
00:35:32
strong.
00:35:33
>> You are nothing like the Navy Seals.
00:35:34
>> Except for this one.
00:35:35
>> Except for this.
00:35:37
>> And we train in California.
00:35:38
>> They train all They turn all over the
00:35:41
place. All over the world. Yeah. Water.
00:35:43
>> By the way, he's going to run.
00:35:44
>> Are you good at water?
00:35:45
>> I'm good at water.
00:35:46
>> Okay. He's good at him swim.
00:35:47
>> No.
00:35:48
>> Not a not a water guy.
00:35:49
>> You're not You're not a water guy.
00:35:50
>> He's You know what you are? You're not a
00:35:52
seal.
00:35:52
>> Yeah,
00:35:53
>> you're you're Well, you're a beached
00:35:54
seal.
00:35:56
>> That's nice. You're chilling on the
00:35:57
beach.
00:35:57
>> Oh, it'd be so funny if his like you
00:35:59
know what I mean? His his patrol or
00:36:00
what? Right. They're they're on they're
00:36:03
fighting. Where's Carlos? And he's still
00:36:05
swimming.
00:36:08
>> This is two days in.
00:36:09
>> 100 yards off the shore. I'm on my way.
00:36:12
>> I be vaping the whole time.
00:36:13
>> You'd be vaping in the water.
00:36:14
>> Yeah. You're not a seal.
00:36:15
>> Watching basketball on my iPhone.
00:36:16
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, vaping I
00:36:18
wish overtook cigarettes completely
00:36:20
because of this in Vegas every time.
00:36:23
>> And now it's like people still smoke in
00:36:25
Vegas even though I know they don't
00:36:27
smoke back where they're from. This game
00:36:29
people play.
00:36:29
>> Just vape. Please vape cuz I don't I
00:36:32
don't I'm huffing and puffing your [ __ ]
00:36:33
at the Just vape. Everywhere should be
00:36:35
vape. There should be only sell vapes
00:36:36
everywhere all over Vegas. No more
00:36:38
cigarettes. It's [ __ ] obnoxious. How
00:36:40
is he a Navy Seal again?
00:36:41
>> I forgot.
00:36:42
>> I spaced out.
00:36:43
>> Oh no. I I know why. Because you like
00:36:45
extreme Yes.
00:36:47
>> You mean you want you like danger? You
00:36:49
like danger. You like living on the edge
00:36:51
even at your age.
00:36:52
>> Aerosmith.
00:36:53
>> Yeah. Yeah. And you like um the mystery
00:36:56
of it all.
00:36:57
>> Yeah.
00:36:58
>> Like the chase.
00:36:59
>> Mhm.
00:36:59
>> Yeah.
00:37:00
>> Yeah. I've like run from the cops three
00:37:01
times.
00:37:01
>> Yeah. You told me about the motorcycle
00:37:03
thing and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:04
Yeah.
00:37:04
>> But but so now you think you've got it
00:37:07
at a place where if you get if you pay
00:37:09
for a friend
00:37:10
>> Yeah. If we're going to say this
00:37:11
eloquently,
00:37:12
>> you think you're safe from any sort of
00:37:15
>> Oh, I know I am because I'm like a
00:37:17
member of certain things where it's all
00:37:18
verified.
00:37:21
>> What do you mean you're in a private
00:37:22
club?
00:37:22
>> Mhm.
00:37:23
>> Oh,
00:37:23
>> yeah.
00:37:24
>> I'm going to tell you this right now.
00:37:25
Whatever.
00:37:26
>> I want to know how much you pay to be in
00:37:27
the private club.
00:37:27
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:28
>> Oh, I got in early.
00:37:29
>> You got in early. You invested earlier.
00:37:31
>> Like it's I literally like it's AI.
00:37:34
>> It's insanity trading.
00:37:36
>> Yeah.
00:37:37
>> Yeah.
00:37:37
>> Who else is in there?
00:37:38
>> Yeah. Who else is in there? What other
00:37:40
insider traders are in there?
00:37:42
>> I feel like there are famous people in
00:37:43
there, but I would
00:37:44
>> in your private club.
00:37:45
>> Wow.
00:37:46
>> I believe that if Carlos was a king
00:37:48
>> Oh, this is what you said about if I if
00:37:51
Carlos was a king that we'd all be dead.
00:37:53
>> Popper. Popper. Popper.
00:37:54
>> Yeah. What do you mean?
00:37:55
>> Popper. Popper. Popper.
00:37:56
>> Was it a popper? Popp
00:37:57
>> king. A prince or popper. He's a popper.
00:37:58
He's a popper.
00:37:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. But do you think we'd be
00:38:00
alive
00:38:00
>> if he was a king?
00:38:01
>> Yeah.
00:38:02
>> Only because of the loyalty that we've h
00:38:03
he's had to us so far, we'd still live
00:38:05
through his his
00:38:06
>> Yeah. But what position will we have?
00:38:07
>> Well, ask him. He's right there.
00:38:08
>> Yeah. Like, so you're king. What
00:38:09
position do I have? And be completely
00:38:11
honest.
00:38:12
>> Well, obviously you're my court's
00:38:13
jester.
00:38:14
>> Yeah, that's fine. Of course.
00:38:15
>> You're my fool.
00:38:16
>> What do I get, though?
00:38:17
>> I'm your fool.
00:38:18
>> You're my fool.
00:38:19
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:20
>> You I keep you drunk and I make you
00:38:21
relapse.
00:38:23
>> Wow. Okay.
00:38:24
>> And you And you have a chain around your
00:38:26
neck.
00:38:27
>> I do
00:38:27
>> like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s.
00:38:30
>> Yeah. But do I get like a condo or an
00:38:32
area to a good night's sleep?
00:38:34
>> Oh, please in the castle to sleep.
00:38:36
>> The jester lives in the basement. He I
00:38:38
live in the basement.
00:38:38
>> No, I would give him like a really cool
00:38:40
view of like the ocean.
00:38:42
>> Oh, go cool.
00:38:43
>> Yeah, he gets everything.
00:38:43
>> Can I get No. Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch.
00:38:45
>> NO CHAIN ALWAYS.
00:38:46
>> WHY?
00:38:46
>> YEAH, THERE'S JUST CHAINS and you have a
00:38:48
guy walking with you all the time to
00:38:50
watch you.
00:38:50
>> Oh, I have like a an assistant.
00:38:52
>> But no, it's a bodyguard, but he works
00:38:54
for me. He's watching you all.
00:38:55
>> Right. Right. Right.
00:38:56
>> Just making sure you don't get any ideas
00:38:58
to leave.
00:38:58
>> Exactly.
00:38:59
>> Anything.
00:38:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. To anything.
00:39:00
>> All right. What am I?
00:39:01
>> Well, just one last question. I'm sorry.
00:39:02
I'm the gesture, so I got to have a
00:39:03
couple.
00:39:04
>> Well, the gesture is not allowed to
00:39:05
speak. Really?
00:39:05
>> I know. But how many times do I have to
00:39:07
perform? How many times do I have to
00:39:08
perform?
00:39:09
>> Whenever I want when I wake up, I need
00:39:11
like a funny like ringtone.
00:39:13
>> Yeah. You go Oh, when like my phone
00:39:15
rings, it has to always be on silent,
00:39:17
but you do the ringtone vocally.
00:39:19
>> Exactly.
00:39:20
>> Okay.
00:39:21
>> All right.
00:39:22
>> I would love that one.
00:39:23
>> Yeah. Yeah. Do I get to have a
00:39:24
girlfriend?
00:39:26
>> Um,
00:39:26
>> think carefully, King.
00:39:30
This is why they're doing the no kings
00:39:31
protest, by the way.
00:39:32
>> If you behave after like 3 years, we'll
00:39:34
review it again. Oh, you get to apply.
00:39:36
Yeah.
00:39:37
>> So, I get nothing until three years.
00:39:39
>> Yeah, exactly.
00:39:40
>> You get absolutely nothing.
00:39:41
>> I'm gonna change your taste in um
00:39:44
humans.
00:39:44
>> Do I get Wi-Fi?
00:39:45
>> I'm going to turn you full gay.
00:39:47
>> Yeah. Do I get Wi-Fi?
00:39:48
>> Yeah, you can have Wi-Fi.
00:39:49
>> Okay, cool.
00:39:50
>> Turn him full gay.
00:39:51
>> You get turn me full gay?
00:39:52
>> Yeah. I'm going to do experiments where
00:39:53
I get him hard, but there's like
00:39:55
pictures of men and so like reactivate
00:39:58
his brain to only be attracted to men.
00:40:02
>> This sounds like just Hollywood.
00:40:03
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:40:05
I've been in this casting.
00:40:06
>> Yeah, I don't want to be. Yeah, I try.
00:40:07
Yeah, chain's a good idea because I
00:40:09
would want to get out. What is Andrew?
00:40:11
>> Where am I on the king's on the king's
00:40:12
court?
00:40:12
>> And don't don't talk out of fear.
00:40:14
>> Yeah, don't
00:40:15
>> No, I have a good one for you.
00:40:16
>> All right, good.
00:40:17
>> Head of the air force.
00:40:20
>> Wow.
00:40:20
>> With honor, my king,
00:40:21
>> which means he's nowhere near you.
00:40:23
>> That's right.
00:40:23
>> Yeah, he's out there. He's
00:40:25
>> He's out there.
00:40:25
>> I'm out there. He's telling what drones
00:40:27
to do what.
00:40:28
>> What?
00:40:28
>> He's telling drones what to
00:40:29
>> I'm starting [ __ ] war, dog.
00:40:31
>> Yeah.
00:40:31
>> If he's the king,
00:40:32
>> do we have communication? No. Why?
00:40:35
>> Only talks to me.
00:40:36
>> Yeah, but I can't talk to him. Like,
00:40:37
how's the war going?
00:40:38
>> Well, can I come see the jester war?
00:40:41
>> You need a if you need a laugh and
00:40:42
things are too hard.
00:40:43
>> Yeah. Yeah, you can come over.
00:40:44
>> This is a romantic comedy that I'm the
00:40:46
head of of the Royal Air Force and I
00:40:49
have to sneak to come see you do shows
00:40:51
and afterwards we hang out late night
00:40:52
[ __ ] around.
00:40:53
>> This is like a romantic love story.
00:40:55
>> Infuriate me though.
00:40:57
>> You're never going to catch us.
00:40:58
>> There'll be an opening on the door,
00:41:00
right? And and the chain only goes gets
00:41:03
to the opening of the door, right? So
00:41:05
you hear
00:41:07
and I go, "Handra going, hey."
00:41:09
>> Yeah. How are you, buddy?
00:41:10
>> Not great, dude. Two years I haven't
00:41:12
been delayed.
00:41:14
>> Yeah. And I think I'm gay.
00:41:18
Let me suck.
00:41:19
>> I love you. I got to go. I got to go.
00:41:21
>> Yeah.
00:41:22
>> I have to go bomb Iran.
00:41:23
>> Okay. Yeah. All right. So, what is
00:41:25
Mcone's What is Men's job? Mhm. Oh, he
00:41:28
obviously just like films and vlogs
00:41:30
everything for me,
00:41:31
>> right?
00:41:32
>> So, he's doing that.
00:41:33
>> So, he gets a better job than me.
00:41:34
>> Yeah.
00:41:36
>> No, you all do what y'all are best at.
00:41:38
>> That's true.
00:41:38
>> Yeah. YEAH. BUT WHY DO I HAVE A CHAIN?
00:41:40
>> CUZ YOU'RE THE BEST FOOL. Uh
00:41:42
>> you're the best fool.
00:41:43
>> And the chain is because I always want
00:41:45
you to make me laugh and I think it will
00:41:46
get tiring and and you won't be allowed
00:41:48
to leave.
00:41:49
>> But eventually I I will stop making you
00:41:51
laugh
00:41:52
>> cuz you know my temperament.
00:41:53
>> Experiments. Oh, then you do like
00:41:56
scientific experience on me.
00:41:57
>> Does mouse all access to the to the
00:42:00
kingdom?
00:42:00
>> He has a filming.
00:42:02
>> He has an all access a band.
00:42:03
>> This is where the king [ __ ] up.
00:42:05
>> All right. What? What? What? What? What
00:42:06
band do I have?
00:42:09
>> G.
00:42:10
>> General admission.
00:42:11
>> You're gen admission.
00:42:13
>> General admission for sure. I GAVE YOU
00:42:15
VIP FOR COACHELLA.
00:42:17
>> WHAT DO I HAVE? What do I have? What
00:42:19
band am I at?
00:42:20
>> You're artist pass for sure.
00:42:21
>> Oh, I get artist pass. So, I'm not all
00:42:22
access, but I just get
00:42:23
>> Yours says AF. Air Force.
00:42:25
>> Air Force. Air Force Access.
00:42:26
>> Yeah.
00:42:26
>> And can I tell you something? Listen. He
00:42:28
This is where he [ __ ] up cuz the king
00:42:30
already laid out the rules.
00:42:31
>> Mone, you know damn well.
00:42:34
>> Oh no.
00:42:34
>> Is going to eventually sneak down to the
00:42:36
jester's cave.
00:42:37
>> Yeah.
00:42:38
>> Because of his crush on you
00:42:39
>> and break you free. You know he's going
00:42:41
to go behind Carlo.
00:42:42
>> He will not. You know what will happen
00:42:44
in that opening?
00:42:45
>> I'll just see a camera.
00:42:49
>> He'd be filming you.
00:42:50
>> He'll be just filming me. It's great
00:42:51
content.
00:42:52
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's
00:42:54
not going to help at with [ __ ]
00:42:56
>> I disagree.
00:42:57
>> Am I right, though? You would try to
00:42:58
break him out, wouldn't you, you little
00:42:59
[ __ ]
00:42:59
>> Now, I'd film for a bit, but then when
00:43:00
he was doing the same things, we did
00:43:02
something new for the video. So, we'll
00:43:04
break him out.
00:43:04
>> And Pete, where's Pete in this whole
00:43:06
thing?
00:43:06
>> Yeah, Pete is not around a lot.
00:43:08
>> No, we have a royal podcast every week.
00:43:10
>> Ah, and I like that.
00:43:11
>> It's the only one available
00:43:12
>> and he stays in the podcast space.
00:43:14
>> Yeah, he's a producer, but
00:43:15
>> but he's not allowed to leave the
00:43:16
podcast room.
00:43:17
>> He doesn't want to. We
00:43:18
>> I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the
00:43:20
podcast?
00:43:20
>> Of course. You're the fool.
00:43:23
>> My Air Force sergeant is telling me
00:43:25
something.
00:43:25
>> No. No. That's a threat to security,
00:43:26
sir.
00:43:27
>> Oh,
00:43:27
>> it is.
00:43:27
>> We can't have that. The king.
00:43:28
>> Okay. All right. And then what does um
00:43:30
Andreas have?
00:43:34
>> Well, this is interesting. What does the
00:43:35
king do with Andreas?
00:43:36
>> Yeah.
00:43:37
>> Head of fashion in our country.
00:43:43
>> He designs the He designs the uniforms
00:43:45
for the military. The least fashionable
00:43:48
guy on this show is the head of fashion.
00:43:50
That's the funniest thing I've ever
00:43:51
said. That's insane.
00:43:53
>> What's that? Did you What's the clothes
00:43:54
he
00:43:54
>> wear?
00:43:56
We're all working.
00:43:58
>> Half plaid shirt.
00:44:03
>> You end up he ends up designing the
00:44:05
kingdom. It's all you kingdom. [ __ ]
00:44:07
>> Oh my god, it would look terrible. Oh my
00:44:09
god.
00:44:09
>> And we're changing the language. And
00:44:11
Andreas is uh the head of that. We're
00:44:13
changing it to Spanish.
00:44:13
>> We're going to be speaking Spanish.
00:44:14
>> Yeah. It'll be like we're in LA.
00:44:16
>> Yeah.
00:44:17
>> How can I be funny? I don't know
00:44:19
Spanish.
00:44:20
>> You're going to learn it. You're going
00:44:21
to
00:44:21
>> Oh, okay.
00:44:22
>> A Mexican cartoon or something.
00:44:23
>> The gestures only have one good phrase.
00:44:25
Look up in Spanish how to say um piss in
00:44:27
my mouth.
00:44:33
>> Here.
00:44:35
>> Let's hear it.
00:44:41
>> That's all I say.
00:44:42
>> Very good. The gesture just flux, bro.
00:44:47
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Constantly people
00:44:48
peeing in my mouth.
00:44:49
>> Wow. That's how you feel about me.
00:44:52
>> That's how you feel about me?
00:44:53
>> You really did?
00:44:54
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:55
>> You're You're so funny. There's a lot of
00:44:56
creativity to throw.
00:44:57
>> Yeah. Yeah. I bought for every meal at
00:44:59
Coachella.
00:45:00
>> No.
00:45:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I got you VIP and
00:45:02
good Coachella.
00:45:03
>> We got better than VIP.
00:45:04
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got you um a free
00:45:06
place to stay in in Coachella.
00:45:08
>> Thank you.
00:45:09
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm still the
00:45:11
gesture gets his peed on and is gay.
00:45:15
>> I thought it
00:45:16
>> Is that the rule?
00:45:17
>> I I thought it'd be an honor.
00:45:18
>> It's not an honor, dude. It's a
00:45:20
disgrace. I get the worst job in your
00:45:22
kingdom.
00:45:23
>> No, it's incredible.
00:45:24
>> It's not incredible, DUDE. I HAVE A
00:45:25
CHAIN on my neck. I live in a cave.
00:45:28
>> But for me, it's gray. We get to hang
00:45:29
out all the time.
00:45:30
>> NO, I'M NOT HANGING out with you, dude.
00:45:32
>> Well, no. He's You're hanging out with
00:45:34
him. He's not hanging out with you.
00:45:36
That's the difference. You have to hang
00:45:37
with him.
00:45:37
>> I'm going to tell you right now.
00:45:38
>> Click on that one more time. Yeah. What?
00:45:40
Just let me hear it.
00:45:41
>> And
00:45:44
>> we got to make a merch shirt of him
00:45:45
going
00:45:47
piss in my mouth. Orina.
00:45:50
>> I bet I could convince him to move up, I
00:45:52
think.
00:45:53
>> No chance.
00:45:53
>> Oh, dude. I'm I'm He's so highly
00:45:55
manipulative.
00:45:56
>> The power. Look at That's you. That's
00:45:57
you and Carlos.
00:45:58
>> YEAH.
00:46:04
>> Oh my god, dude. IT'S SO [ __ ]
00:46:10
OH MY GOD. THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL. THAT'S
00:46:14
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, DUDE.
00:46:16
>> BECAUSE I THINK that's fun, man. IT
00:46:18
MAKES
00:46:18
>> THAT'S FOR ME, THOUGH.
00:46:20
>> I LOVE YOU, DUDE.
00:46:20
>> YEAH, THAT'S NOT LOVE.
00:46:22
>> FORCE LOVE.
00:46:23
>> I'M [ __ ]
00:46:24
>> NO, IT'S FORCED LOVE. ALL RIGHT. Force
00:46:26
love.
00:46:26
>> It's force love,
00:46:27
>> dude. I want that photo here. I want
00:46:30
that in the studio. Yeah,
00:46:32
>> that is Mary Evans. That's amazing.
00:46:34
>> Now, what does Jules get? Rudy. M.
00:46:38
>> Oh, that's interesting.
00:46:39
>> She's like in our CIA.
00:46:41
>> Oh, she's in She gets a higher position
00:46:42
as well.
00:46:43
>> Zero dark. Zero dark.
00:46:44
>> Zero dark 30. She is watering.
00:46:46
>> She is our assassin. She's our secret
00:46:48
assassin.
00:46:48
>> Secret assassin. Knives water.
00:46:50
>> I'm going to work closely with her on
00:46:51
using her to infiltrate other kingdoms
00:46:53
to try to make yours more expensive.
00:46:54
>> You have so much. You guys get so cool.
00:46:56
You know what I would do? I would do a
00:46:58
monochrist.
00:47:00
I would take a a piece of rock
00:47:01
>> and start slowly
00:47:03
>> 25 years slowly chipping away at a you
00:47:06
know I mean I just need a like a Breijit
00:47:07
Fonda some poster
00:47:10
>> good double good double reference I like
00:47:11
it
00:47:11
>> yeah
00:47:13
Shaw Shank Monte Crystal right I one day
00:47:16
I would go for my birthday
00:47:17
>> what' you say they have fussy britches
00:47:18
>> yeah yeah can I can I get a um whatever
00:47:22
poster what is that
00:47:23
>> oh you're going to wake him he's going
00:47:24
to wear one of those a [ __ ] mask
00:47:26
>> we're trying to do that
00:47:27
>> so when you try to break Oh. Oh. When
00:47:29
you catch me.
00:47:30
>> Yeah.
00:47:31
>> So, you're going to do poster
00:47:32
inspections?
00:47:33
>> 100%. I've seen Shaw.
00:47:35
>> OH, HOW [ __ ]
00:47:36
>> You're going to be in a [ __ ] mask.
00:47:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Iron mask.
00:47:38
>> Are there other people? Let me ask you
00:47:40
this.
00:47:40
>> Hey, by the way, can still arena in Mioa
00:47:42
in that too?
00:47:43
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:46
>> It's in your eye. Look at that. Look how
00:47:48
big the whole mouth is.
00:47:49
>> Yeah. And it's it's so close off on the
00:47:51
neck, it fills up.
00:47:55
>> Oh my god. What? Those eyes are pre-cut
00:47:57
for you.
00:47:58
>> I want the right one. That looks cooler.
00:47:59
>> That looks like yours.
00:48:00
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That looks cooler. I
00:48:01
look like Batman [ __ ] mask.
00:48:03
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:04
>> So, are there other um people where I'm
00:48:07
living the caves? Are there other
00:48:09
people?
00:48:10
>> I love you. Don't worry.
00:48:11
>> Oh, oh, I'm not worried.
00:48:12
>> He wants to know about community.
00:48:13
>> Oh, look at the look at the [ __ ]
00:48:14
ocean while in a that mask and a [ __ ]
00:48:17
chain.
00:48:18
>> Well, that's the only thing if you
00:48:19
misbehave, dude.
00:48:20
>> Where's the castle, by the way? What
00:48:21
location are we?
00:48:22
>> What does the castle look like? Try to
00:48:23
find it. No, we've moved the capital um
00:48:26
from DC to LA.
00:48:28
>> So we live here and we live
00:48:29
>> Malibu. Malibu
00:48:31
>> Malibu.
00:48:31
>> That's at least nice.
00:48:32
>> Iron Man for you.
00:48:33
>> Where? I don't live
00:48:34
>> for all of you but me.
00:48:36
>> No.
00:48:36
>> I'm the head of the Air Force. I live
00:48:38
way in the middle of No, you live at the
00:48:39
castle on the sea. That's This is where
00:48:41
you live.
00:48:41
>> Yeah. You know what I get? This is what
00:48:43
I'm going to do. I'll look out the
00:48:44
window and go, "Oh, there's Mel Gibson
00:48:47
running on the beach."
00:48:48
>> That's what the c what the castle looks
00:48:49
like.
00:48:49
>> Bowser's castle, right?
00:48:51
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:52
>> Honestly. And then where am I now? Just
00:48:55
like
00:48:55
>> So this is where I'm at all the time.
00:48:57
>> Yeah.
00:48:58
>> Penthouse.
00:48:59
>> The penthouse. Yeah. Where am I at?
00:49:00
>> In the face.
00:49:01
>> Well, that's not the facing the ocean.
00:49:04
>> Oh, well,
00:49:04
>> it's Oh, that's facing the ocean.
00:49:06
>> It is.
00:49:06
>> It's ocean of lava.
00:49:08
>> All right. So, can I see the left tower
00:49:10
or far left tower? Can I be there?
00:49:12
>> No, dude. You don't get to choose.
00:49:14
>> There's only so many chains.
00:49:16
>> It's a chain issue, dude.
00:49:18
>> You have plenty of chains. Also, dude,
00:49:20
that that left that that left tower,
00:49:21
that's the bathroom.
00:49:22
>> Oh, it is? Yeah.
00:49:24
>> I'd rather Okay.
00:49:25
>> Yeah. See, you'll live up there.
00:49:26
>> Oh, where? Near you.
00:49:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're right under me.
00:49:29
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to sleep.
00:49:30
I'll tell you that. Am I screaming?
00:49:32
>> You know, they used to do that. They
00:49:32
used to like carve out little pieces so
00:49:34
they would poop over the wall outside of
00:49:36
the castle. So, it would fill up the
00:49:37
moat with like poop and pee and stuff
00:49:39
like that. So, it would deter people
00:49:40
from trying to swimming through it.
00:49:41
>> Am I near there?
00:49:42
>> You're by the poop pee moat.
00:49:44
>> Yeah. But you also have to clean it
00:49:45
because I want It has to be see-through.
00:49:47
So he gets to clean the poop moat every
00:49:49
day. Oh, he collects the [ __ ] buckets
00:49:51
>> whenever HE WANTS.
00:49:52
>> OH, WHENEVER I WANT.
00:49:55
WHENEVER. All day long.
00:49:57
>> Yeah, it's whenever.
00:49:58
>> He collects the [ __ ] buckets from all
00:49:59
the
00:50:00
>> You know, my work ethic that is going to
00:50:01
be filled with [ __ ] and peeing. I ain't
00:50:03
doing [ __ ]
00:50:04
>> You're going to love the iron mask. Then
00:50:05
>> I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my
00:50:07
face. I don't care.
00:50:10
>> This is the issue.
00:50:11
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's a big issue.
00:50:12
>> Your colony would be called the [ __ ]
00:50:14
castles. Ah, down at [ __ ] cast.
00:50:16
>> All right. You're the king.
00:50:18
>> Oh, brother.
00:50:18
>> Yeah. Yeah. What am I?
00:50:19
>> Phenomenal.
00:50:20
>> What am I?
00:50:21
>> If I'm the king.
00:50:22
>> Yeah.
00:50:24
>> What are you?
00:50:24
>> Yeah.
00:50:25
>> I would I You're going to not like this
00:50:27
answer.
00:50:30
>> What?
00:50:30
>> You're not going to like this answer.
00:50:32
>> Oh, all right.
00:50:33
>> You're going to be my queen.
00:50:35
>> Oh, that's way better than [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:50:37
fa pace.
00:50:38
>> Yeah. But but but the queen gets beaten
00:50:40
daily.
00:50:42
>> Oh, yeah.
00:50:43
>> By you.
00:50:43
>> All of us.
00:50:44
>> By the king. Oh,
00:50:45
>> my entire court.
00:50:52
>> And the queen's only allowed one phrase.
00:50:53
>> Eat what?
00:50:55
>> It's in my mouth. Yeah, it's the same
00:50:56
phrase,
00:51:01
>> dude. I get treated like [ __ ] in this.
00:51:03
>> No, no, no, no. You're my queen.
00:51:04
>> Let's be real. I don't want to be your
00:51:05
queen. You could have a woman.
00:51:07
>> No,
00:51:07
>> your wife.
00:51:08
>> No, I want you.
00:51:09
>> Yeah. No, I know.
00:51:09
>> You're my little
00:51:10
>> Give me something aside from queen. I'm
00:51:12
begging you.
00:51:12
>> All right. You'll be my geisha girl.
00:51:16
IS THAT
00:51:17
CAN I BE VICE PRESIDENT? Do you think
00:51:19
Give me a good rule.
00:51:20
>> Do you think in medieval times you would
00:51:21
be anything but a a jester or Gisha
00:51:23
girl? That's what you would be.
00:51:24
>> No, no, no. Give me How about this? Just
00:51:27
send me out and I'll like be like a um
00:51:30
what do you call it?
00:51:30
>> Can't trust you in the field.
00:51:32
>> No. Like you go you're a representative
00:51:34
IN BELGIUM.
00:51:35
>> NO.
00:51:36
>> YES.
00:51:37
>> That's you there.
00:51:41
>> What What can't I have? What do you call
00:51:43
them? Um,
00:51:44
>> an ambassador.
00:51:44
>> An ambassador. Give me an am Alaska.
00:51:47
>> We can't have you represent us.
00:51:48
>> Yeah. Anywhere.
00:51:49
>> No.
00:51:49
>> Yeah. Yeah. How about a place that no
00:51:51
one wants to go?
00:51:52
>> Where?
00:51:53
>> Right. Like, you know that little area
00:51:54
between South America and North America
00:51:57
where all those snakes and all that
00:51:58
where people can't walk?
00:51:59
>> Central America.
00:52:01
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:01
>> Central America.
00:52:02
>> There's a chunk of land where there's no
00:52:04
roads. It's impossible to get through
00:52:05
because of it's just the terrain and no
00:52:08
one lives there and because there's so
00:52:09
many snakes.
00:52:09
>> The guy in Plurbus got through it.
00:52:11
>> Yeah. So, that area? Yeah.
00:52:12
>> Yeah. Can I be the that?
00:52:16
>> But then you're going to live there.
00:52:17
>> Yeah, I will find a way to live there.
00:52:19
>> I don't like you begging. No castle.
00:52:23
>> I can't even get that.
00:52:25
>> My queen. Back to the castle.
00:52:27
>> Oh, [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] with both. How
00:52:29
about you, Pete?
00:52:30
>> Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the
00:52:32
way.
00:52:32
>> Oh, yeah.
00:52:33
>> Pete sucks my toes every single night.
00:52:35
>> I'll do it.
00:52:35
>> Lucky.
00:52:36
>> And see, I'll do it. See,
00:52:37
>> can I do toe sucking? No way. Do my toe
00:52:39
sucking ability.
00:52:40
>> You're not sucking toe.
00:52:41
>> Yeah, dude.
00:52:42
>> No. beats on it.
00:52:43
>> I'll even
00:52:44
>> I'll even rim the toes.
00:52:46
>> You want me to rim your toes?
00:52:49
>> All right.
00:52:49
>> All right. Okay. Well, Carlo, what would
00:52:51
Carlos be in my kingdom? What would he
00:52:53
be in your kingdom?
00:52:54
>> Oh, dude. He wouldn't be in the kingdom.
00:52:57
>> Oh, so now this is retaliation. Is that
00:52:59
what enemy?
00:53:00
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're definitely enemy
00:53:01
of state. Yeah. You're number one on the
00:53:03
FBI most wanted list.
00:53:05
>> You're Bin Laden.
00:53:06
>> That's cool.
00:53:06
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:08
>> And everybody's hunting you.
00:53:10
>> Everyone's hunting you.
00:53:11
>> Yeah. every country. I'm going to have
00:53:13
everyone uh hunt you.
00:53:14
>> Sounds awesome.
00:53:15
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a dead
00:53:17
man, dude.
00:53:17
>> Andreas would be my my groundskeeper for
00:53:19
sure.
00:53:20
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:53:21
>> He'd make everything so nice.
00:53:22
>> Not fashion, but ground.
00:53:23
>> Ground. Ground. He can do fashion in the
00:53:25
grounds.
00:53:25
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:26
>> If he wants to des landscape, he can
00:53:30
>> he can desc.
00:53:36
>> Oh.
00:53:36
>> Oh. And he's the head head lesbian leg.
00:53:39
>> The head leg of the lesbian legs show.
00:53:41
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz your legs are like a
00:53:42
lesbians. Just puffy, wide, thick. You
00:53:45
know what I mean?
00:53:45
>> Come over here.
00:53:46
>> Let me see your legs.
00:53:47
>> Yeah. Your legs are the worst.
00:53:48
>> We got to see these things.
00:53:49
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:50
>> You do have weird legs.
00:53:52
>> Yeah.
00:53:52
>> Take your pants off.
00:53:55
>> Yeah.
00:53:55
>> Yeah.
00:53:57
>> Yeah. Subaru Outback.
00:53:58
>> Yeah. Subaru Outback. Yeah.
00:53:59
>> Those are those are kind of like
00:54:01
lesbian.
00:54:01
>> If you shave them, they would be
00:54:02
lesbian-like.
00:54:04
>> Yeah.
00:54:04
>> Get out of here, softball player.
00:54:06
>> Yeah.
00:54:07
>> McCone in my in my world in my kingdom.
00:54:09
I would send him on missions that have
00:54:10
no purpose whatsoever
00:54:13
>> just to get him out of the kingdom for a
00:54:15
little while. You know, I'm like, "You
00:54:17
have to go to the land of Quanang and
00:54:20
find a three-legged woman."
00:54:22
>> HE'S GONE for like 6 months,
00:54:24
>> years.
00:54:24
>> And he comes back defeated,
00:54:26
>> "My lord, I could not find a
00:54:27
three-legged woman."
00:54:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:29
>> Fine. Then you'll complete yet another
00:54:30
mission. You'll fail yet one more.
00:54:32
>> Yeah.
00:54:32
>> And I'll send him out again to do what?
00:54:34
>> What?
00:54:34
>> What's the other mission we send him out
00:54:36
for?
00:54:36
>> Oh, stats.
00:54:37
>> Stats.
00:54:38
>> Yeah. You must go to Kolonga
00:54:40
>> Konga
00:54:41
>> and count every single strawberry ever
00:54:44
grown in one season. I don't want the
00:54:47
numbers off at all.
00:54:48
>> And if they are
00:54:49
>> Yeah. If they ARE
00:54:49
>> OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.
00:54:50
>> OFF with your head.
00:54:51
>> This is what you do on tour already.
00:54:53
You'd send me on impossible missions.
00:54:55
>> Impossible missions. The best.
00:54:57
>> I love sending him on missions.
00:54:58
>> And then you criticize him when he comes
00:54:59
back and he fails them cuz of course he
00:55:01
would fail them. How could he do
00:55:02
anything otherwise?
00:55:03
>> Pete would be executioner.
00:55:05
>> Oh.
00:55:06
>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have him with
00:55:07
the the the black so accurate.
00:55:10
>> It's so accurate. Black. No one knows
00:55:12
who you are, so don't feel guilty.
00:55:14
>> Yeah.
00:55:14
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:14
>> You can tell it's Pete.
00:55:16
>> Yeah. I'll be good at it.
00:55:17
>> Look, it's just that
00:55:18
>> that's that. Yeah, that's Pete.
00:55:19
>> Yeah. But he walks up. He's like, "Hey,
00:55:21
it's Pete." He
00:55:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People know his name.
00:55:24
>> Pete. Yeah. It's Pete. Pete the Butcher.
00:55:26
>> Pete the Butcher.
00:55:27
>> Yeah. There's There's a You mean
00:55:29
>> Yeah.
00:55:30
>> Pete the Butcher.
00:55:30
>> Pete's so funny.
00:55:31
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:32
>> Oh, yeah. That's me.
00:55:34
>> Yeah.
00:55:34
>> We try to cut off somebody's head. the
00:55:36
rig doesn't work and Pete's like it must
00:55:37
be the USBC wire that's not Yeah. Like
00:55:40
oh [ __ ]
00:55:40
>> And then Andreas for me would be
00:55:42
spokesperson.
00:55:44
>> A lot of miscommunication.
00:55:46
>> I know. That's why that's why
00:55:47
>> right what I tell him is not going to be
00:55:49
No one's going to understand what he's
00:55:50
saying.
00:55:51
>> It's like code.
00:55:51
>> Yeah. It's code. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:53
>> It's actually brilliant.
00:55:54
>> Yeah. It's no one's going to understand.
00:55:55
>> No one's going to understand what he's
00:55:56
saying.
00:55:57
>> We plan to visit tomorrow.
00:55:59
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:00
>> What do the king's communicator say?
00:56:01
>> You speak only through him.
00:56:03
>> Yeah. And I go, "Well, you know, all the
00:56:06
information I told him."
00:56:07
>> Italian Trump.
00:56:08
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:09
>> Yeah. I tell you this right now. In two
00:56:11
weeks. In two weeks, it'll be done. You
00:56:15
know what I mean?
00:56:17
>> But yeah, I would be he would be my
00:56:19
communicator.
00:56:20
>> But for fashion, I would have to go go
00:56:22
for outside help.
00:56:23
>> Yeah. Who's designing?
00:56:25
>> Rick Ingram.
00:56:31
I mean, that's
00:56:33
Just standard gap.
00:56:35
>> Just guy.
00:56:35
>> Yeah. Guy. Gap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:38
I mean, I'm not dressed like that as the
00:56:40
king.
00:56:41
>> You make your court.
00:56:42
>> No. I'm Balenciaga. You know what I
00:56:43
mean? Gucci. You know what I mean? But
00:56:44
like everyone else, Rick is one of the
00:56:46
funniest comics in the world.
00:56:47
>> In the world.
00:56:48
>> But he has just standard common people
00:56:51
fashion.
00:56:52
>> Shirt.
00:56:53
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:54
>> T-shirt, jeans, and [ __ ] you know,
00:56:58
>> I'm that way though. I'm t-shirt. I'm
00:56:59
standard white.
00:57:00
>> Yeah. Yeah. Standard white.
00:57:00
>> Standard white. A standard white
00:57:02
clothing style except for me.
00:57:04
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:05
>> Except for you. The king.
00:57:06
>> The king.
00:57:07
>> And the king wears what? What does the
00:57:08
king wear?
00:57:09
>> Oh, Jesus Christ. Um, probably every day
00:57:12
is a different, you know, vari. And then
00:57:14
like
00:57:18
>> No, Vra is the knockoff.
00:57:24
>> Verac.
00:57:26
>> Oh, [ __ ]
00:57:27
>> What king was known to have the best
00:57:28
fashion? Louis the 14th. They said this
00:57:31
guy was
00:57:32
>> best fashion. Also was gay, right? I
00:57:35
mean, he was gay. Give us like a
00:57:36
straight king. That's Bobby Lee.
00:57:38
>> Yeah,
00:57:38
>> that's 100% Bobby Lee.
00:57:40
>> Well, do you are you going to do
00:57:42
anything for your birthday?
00:57:44
>> I did it all weekend. I I'm going to
00:57:46
watch Euphoria and take Xanax later.
00:57:48
That's my big plan.
00:57:49
>> God,
00:57:49
>> what's this big about Euphoria? I I I
00:57:51
I'm not Have you done it, Bob?
00:57:54
>> Euphoria? No. I see the kids watching it
00:57:56
and I I try to sit there and watch
00:57:59
>> and it's like not my thing.
00:58:00
>> Not for you.
00:58:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:01
>> Well, good. Have fun on Euphoria. We We
00:58:03
got you a little something.
00:58:04
>> Yeah, we did. And also, you know, as you
00:58:06
get older, you know, there's just some
00:58:08
things you just can't watch anymore.
00:58:10
>> Why? What Euphoria? Why
00:58:12
>> I think this has Let's tie it into
00:58:13
Coachella. It's just like there's
00:58:15
there's a language that it's just it's
00:58:18
just too young and too new and hip. And
00:58:22
>> I like how you're bringing out Carlos's
00:58:23
cake to me, but it's going to him.
00:58:26
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:26
>> Well, for the cameras,
00:58:28
>> you guys are also on camera in the
00:58:29
booth.
00:58:30
>> Yeah.
00:58:30
>> Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to
00:58:36
you. Happy birthday, dear Carlos.
00:58:42
>> Happy birthday to you.
00:58:45
>> 38.
00:58:46
>> 39.
00:58:47
>> 39.
00:58:47
>> Make a wish.
00:58:48
>> Wow.
00:58:48
>> Wow. 40 next year, dude.
00:58:51
>> Mhm.
00:58:51
>> I can't believe it.
00:58:52
>> And you know what he said by 40, you
00:58:53
know, he's going to have
00:58:54
>> what?
00:58:54
>> Oh, yeah. I'm going to have hair.
00:58:55
>> He's going to get his hair done.
00:58:56
>> Have hair. Yeah.
00:58:57
>> So, he'll have hair before while he's 40
00:58:58
years old. And those are nuggets, right?
00:59:00
And then we also got you an Airwan
00:59:01
smoothie there from uh Which smoothie is
00:59:02
that? Who's is that? Is that one of the
00:59:03
girls that was at Coachella?
00:59:04
>> The Haley Bieber one.
00:59:05
>> There you go.
00:59:06
>> [ __ ] yeah.
00:59:07
>> Was she there?
00:59:08
>> Yeah, dude. She was
00:59:09
>> Does she sing? Is she a perform? What
00:59:11
does she do?
00:59:12
>> She's Alec or Steven Baldwin's daughter.
00:59:14
>> I know. She's married to Justin Bieber.
00:59:15
I'm saying, does she What does she do?
00:59:16
Is she a singer?
00:59:17
>> Hang. She's a mom. She's a beauty.
00:59:20
>> Before she met him.
00:59:21
>> What are you angry for?
00:59:23
>> Cuz they're saying it like
00:59:24
>> she's a nice person.
00:59:25
>> I'm saying she's so [ __ ] angry for
00:59:27
>> What did she do?
00:59:27
>> Oh yeah. She
00:59:28
>> She's a [ __ ] Al Ball's daughter.
00:59:30
>> She just famous.
00:59:31
>> Yeah.
00:59:31
>> Oh, that's so good.
00:59:32
>> Is that good?
00:59:33
>> Yeah. Hell yeah. Thank you, guys.
00:59:35
>> Dude, I did, you know what I did the
00:59:36
other day when I was in Arizona before I
00:59:38
went to Vegas? I did the Bad Boy
00:59:40
>> the Bad Boy mini bar.
00:59:42
>> I went back to the room, watched movies,
00:59:43
and I ate clear. I ate the entire
00:59:45
[ __ ] mini bar.
00:59:46
>> You were that hungry. Beef jerky, two
00:59:47
bags of chips. I was just like feeling I
00:59:50
was having a night, dude.
00:59:51
>> Done that in our room.
00:59:52
>> It's so fun. Isn't it so fun to clear it
00:59:54
out? Cuz you're like, I might as well
00:59:56
get for the other [ __ ] I was like,
00:59:57
chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah,
00:59:58
absolutely. And then I was like, you
00:59:59
know, I'm being pretty good with these.
01:00:01
>> Yeah. Gummy bears.
01:00:02
>> Gummy bears. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you hate
01:00:04
it when you go to a hotel and there is
01:00:06
no
01:00:06
>> It's a joke.
01:00:07
>> It's a joke. They have a empty
01:00:09
refrigerator. Like you have to go and
01:00:11
>> No snacks.
01:00:11
>> No snacks. Here's the Here's Let's name
01:00:14
the things that are there.
01:00:15
>> Okay. Yeah. All right. There's always
01:00:17
like a um artisan bag of potato chips.
01:00:20
>> Yeah. A brand local. A brand that you a
01:00:22
brand that you don't know.
01:00:22
>> You've never heard of.
01:00:23
>> Yeah.
01:00:24
>> Mama Jenkins Hickory Barbecue.
01:00:25
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like local.
01:00:27
>> Local owned.
01:00:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Number two, beef
01:00:29
jerky.
01:00:30
>> Always.
01:00:30
>> Always beef jerky.
01:00:31
>> And another brand that I've never heard
01:00:32
of.
01:00:32
>> Yeah. Another brand you've never heard
01:00:34
of. Right.
01:00:35
>> And it's always in the city that you're
01:00:36
from.
01:00:37
>> Tunics Ranch.
01:00:38
>> Right.
01:00:39
>> Fine.
01:00:39
>> So gummy bears is always another one.
01:00:41
Got to be. Yeah. There's got to be. And
01:00:42
then one of the variations of nuts,
01:00:43
either mixed nuts or or just um or just
01:00:47
uh uh cashew cashews or almonds.
01:00:48
>> Almonds. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a
01:00:50
chocolate covered almond thing
01:00:51
sometimes.
01:00:52
>> I do love those.
01:00:52
>> I do I eat the [ __ ] out of those. So
01:00:54
good.
01:00:55
>> What else do they have there? Um
01:00:57
>> Well, it depends on the class level.
01:00:59
>> Yeah.
01:00:59
>> Cuz sometimes at a high class hotel,
01:01:01
it'll be peanut M&M's, but they'll put
01:01:03
it in a jar.
01:01:04
>> So it'll be like not in the bag, they'll
01:01:07
put it in another jar. Just [ __ ]
01:01:09
Yeah. Like this at the wind.
01:01:11
>> Yeah. They just put it. They just put it
01:01:13
in something else.
01:01:14
>> But and yet you still eat it and it
01:01:16
looks healthier because it's in a jar.
01:01:19
>> And then in the jar better for you.
01:01:20
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know in Hawaii
01:01:22
what they do is they gave me a fresh
01:01:23
fruit of of fruit.
01:01:26
>> Fresh fruit of fruit.
01:01:28
>> Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of
01:01:29
fruit.
01:01:30
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you can get it. And
01:01:31
then when it's through Carlos and um
01:01:33
Gilbert's wife Cindy, right,
01:01:35
>> I get I I always open the refrigerator
01:01:38
there and there's Diet Coke,
01:01:40
>> water, and sugar-free Red Bull.
01:01:41
>> What else do you need?
01:01:42
>> Yeah. So, it's like it's like catered to
01:01:45
me,
01:01:46
>> which I really appreciate.
01:01:47
>> Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. But I think um
01:01:50
I would ra I don't want to be gesture.
01:01:54
>> What if I left a girl in there for you?
01:01:55
>> That That's okay. Good. Now we're
01:01:57
negotiating.
01:01:58
>> Yeah, but she's she's 7 foot2. Yeah.
01:02:00
>> And she weighs 385 lbs.
01:02:03
>> She's a man.
01:02:03
>> It's fine. She's a man. Now, let me ask
01:02:05
you this. When you put your
01:02:07
>> It's back to the gay thing right away.
01:02:09
>> Yeah.
01:02:10
>> Now,
01:02:10
>> I took this in Australia.
01:02:12
>> I was after you cleared out our mini
01:02:14
bar.
01:02:14
>> Passed out and I ate the entire mini
01:02:15
bar.
01:02:16
>> I was so hungry.
01:02:18
>> We came back. I was like, "Let me in
01:02:20
your [ __ ] room."
01:02:21
>> And I ate their whole mini bar and then
01:02:23
I slept in McCone's bed.
01:02:25
>> What did we watch on T? We were watching
01:02:26
a movie. We were watching uh like I
01:02:30
think Fear and Loathing.
01:02:30
>> Oh yeah, we were.
01:02:32
>> Wow. Great.
01:02:33
>> By the way, you see that bag of chips
01:02:34
next to me?
01:02:35
>> Yeah. Gone.
01:02:36
>> Gone.
01:02:37
>> I [ __ ] peeled off everything in your
01:02:39
mini bar and then I charged my
01:02:40
headphones there.
01:02:41
>> Now, how long do you keep the do not
01:02:43
disturb on your door?
01:02:44
>> The entire [ __ ] weekend.
01:02:46
>> So, you don't let them clean your room
01:02:47
one weekend.
01:02:48
>> I don't need it. Just give me new
01:02:49
towels. I just want new towels. Unless
01:02:51
Unless it's if I'm alone.
01:02:54
>> Yeah.
01:02:54
>> If my wife's with me, we get service.
01:02:56
Yeah,
01:02:57
>> but I'm alone. Leave me alone. I keep it
01:02:59
at 65°.
01:03:01
>> Give me new towels. Leave me alone.
01:03:03
>> I'm a service hunter.
01:03:04
>> Oh, you are?
01:03:05
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of those rare
01:03:07
service hunter.
01:03:07
>> You want it all the time?
01:03:08
>> No. What I do is
01:03:10
>> meet you meet them at the bar.
01:03:13
>> You ask.
01:03:13
>> What I get is because my do not disturb
01:03:15
sign is always till 3:00 4 p.m.
01:03:17
>> Yeah.
01:03:18
>> And they stop kind of like they go home
01:03:20
or whatever. So I'll take it off. I'll
01:03:22
go to the front desk and go, "Where are
01:03:24
they?
01:03:25
where are they?
01:03:26
>> And they're like, "We have one on floor
01:03:28
three." And I'll go to three
01:03:30
>> and I'll go to every room to see where
01:03:32
they're cleaning and I'll give them $100
01:03:34
>> to come clean your room.
01:03:35
>> And I go, "I'm in room 819." Great.
01:03:37
>> Right. Clean clean room, but I'm a
01:03:39
service hunter.
01:03:40
>> Okay, let's do the rules then.
01:03:41
>> What are the rules?
01:03:42
>> If you have the ser if you have service
01:03:44
come to your room every day and you're
01:03:46
doing a three-day stint, Friday night,
01:03:47
Saturday, Sunday night, right? Or
01:03:49
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, whatever.
01:03:51
>> How much money do do you leave money
01:03:53
every day or at the end of your stay? Do
01:03:54
you leave a tip at the end of your stay?
01:03:56
And hold on before you answer.
01:03:57
>> Okay. I already know the answer, but
01:03:58
>> I know you do, but listen. But it's But
01:04:01
you're gonna hear why I Pete,
01:04:04
>> I'm listening to you.
01:04:04
>> Pete,
01:04:05
>> Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Do you leave
01:04:06
every night money every day when they
01:04:08
clean or do you leave it at the end of
01:04:09
this day?
01:04:10
>> I'd leave it at the end.
01:04:10
>> End of the day. And what do you leave,
01:04:12
Pete?
01:04:13
>> 100 bucks.
01:04:14
>> 100 bucks. No matter what, right?
01:04:16
>> Yeah, that's the tip.
01:04:17
>> What do you do, Mone?
01:04:19
>> Uh,
01:04:19
>> he asked me for money. Go on, Carlos.
01:04:21
>> Cash.
01:04:22
>> What do you do? You do every night.
01:04:24
>> Oh, no. And the end.
01:04:25
>> The end.
01:04:26
>> Okay. How much
01:04:27
>> you leave?
01:04:28
>> 200.
01:04:29
>> No, he doesn't.
01:04:30
>> He's a liar.
01:04:30
>> He's a liar.
01:04:31
>> I just eat your nuggets.
01:04:32
>> Don't eat your nuggets.
01:04:34
>> Look at me in the face. Yeah.
01:04:35
>> 20 bucks.
01:04:35
>> Yeah. Open up your pocket.
01:04:36
>> I bet you leave 20 bucks.
01:04:37
>> I didn't even know you had to tip them.
01:04:39
>> See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you
01:04:40
lie?
01:04:41
>> What the [ __ ] do you mean you don't know
01:04:42
you have to tip them?
01:04:43
>> They have a job.
01:04:45
>> Oh, I see who you voted for.
01:04:47
>> I thought you only tip
01:04:48
>> I know who you voted for. I thought you
01:04:50
only tip waiters
01:04:52
>> just that's the only people you tip in
01:04:54
public.
01:04:54
>> Okay.
01:04:55
>> I tip Here's the thing. If I get up
01:04:57
early to get the breakfast
01:05:00
>> in in the room.
01:05:01
>> No, I go out
01:05:02
>> downstairs.
01:05:02
>> Yeah. I get the breakfast. Correct.
01:05:04
Right.
01:05:05
>> I take it off and and if I go back up
01:05:07
and they already cleaned it, I leave no
01:05:09
tip
01:05:11
>> because I still have to service hunt
01:05:12
then.
01:05:12
>> Correct.
01:05:13
>> Right. Yeah.
01:05:13
>> Yeah. I mean, and service hunt takes a
01:05:15
long time sometimes. Right. Right. But
01:05:17
if they're if I catch them in the act of
01:05:20
cleaning, right, then I tip.
01:05:21
>> Got it.
01:05:22
>> Right. But when I actually service hunt,
01:05:24
I tip.
01:05:25
>> Get it. Got it.
01:05:26
>> But if it's already clean, then no need.
01:05:28
>> No need. Right.
01:05:29
>> Yeah. That's my thing.
01:05:30
>> I do it if I I I only do it at the end
01:05:32
because of this.
01:05:33
>> How do you do it?
01:05:34
>> I don't want people coming and going. So
01:05:35
there's always a little notepad with a
01:05:36
little pen always on a desk somewhere
01:05:38
and I write, "Thank you so much." And
01:05:40
then if I've acquired something like
01:05:41
this weekend, I left
01:05:43
>> that we got a swag bag of stuff I just
01:05:45
didn't want. I was going to bring it
01:05:46
from a cone, but all the other things
01:05:47
I've given him are where
01:05:49
>> in the backseat of your [ __ ] car.
01:05:51
>> I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag.
01:05:53
Throws them in his [ __ ] Accord in the
01:05:55
back.
01:05:55
>> Yeah.
01:05:55
>> Very nice, dude.
01:05:57
>> I'm going to not give you [ __ ] anymore.
01:05:58
>> I have backups in case I need
01:05:59
>> I'm not going to give you [ __ ] anymore.
01:06:00
You have too much free [ __ ] So then I I
01:06:02
had a backpack, a bottle of tequila,
01:06:04
like hats, some clothes, like a like
01:06:07
cool throwover [ __ ] you know, like and
01:06:09
I wrote free if you'd like it.
01:06:12
>> Yeah. bottle of tequila of yours, a nice
01:06:13
new backpack, and some baseball caps.
01:06:15
>> Yeah.
01:06:16
>> And then I And
01:06:16
>> some cash.
01:06:17
>> But how much do I leave?
01:06:18
>> 20 bucks.
01:06:20
>> 20 bucks.
01:06:22
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:22
>> No.
01:06:23
>> 100.
01:06:24
>> I leave a hundred.
01:06:24
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:25
>> I leave 100 every time. Unless
01:06:27
>> Yeah.
01:06:28
>> If it's my wife and I
01:06:29
>> Yeah.
01:06:30
>> And I make we make a mess every day.
01:06:32
Like there's [ __ ] all over the [ __ ]
01:06:33
place cuz women for some reason set off
01:06:35
a a bomb in the [ __ ] bathroom.
01:06:38
>> I I'll leave them a little bit more.
01:06:40
I'll do like a buck and a half. You know
01:06:41
what the Ritz does?
01:06:42
>> Uhuh.
01:06:44
>> They wash your clothes and fold them.
01:06:46
>> You have to pay for that.
01:06:47
>> No.
01:06:48
>> Yeah. Yes, you do.
01:06:49
>> I did?
01:06:49
>> Yes.
01:06:52
>> We did. I'm sure we did it on tour.
01:06:53
>> Yeah. I I don't No. When I in Hawaii,
01:06:55
>> Bobb's like, "You're not going to
01:06:56
believe this."
01:06:56
>> I put all my clothes in the washer
01:06:59
thinking that later at night I was going
01:07:00
to wash them. By the time I got home,
01:07:03
they had washed it, dried it, and folded
01:07:05
it.
01:07:05
>> Yes. Laundry services at the Rich
01:07:06
Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kabo or
01:07:08
Wiki, are very EXTRA COST. OH [ __ ]
01:07:11
>> YEAH, YOU PAY for that
01:07:12
>> and I gave the money.
01:07:13
>> Yeah. Well, and then you tipped on top
01:07:14
of the money.
01:07:15
>> Okay. Before the internet though. Okay.
01:07:17
Before we had internet access, right?
01:07:19
>> 40 40 years ago. Yeah.
01:07:20
>> 40. Yeah. Yeah. I used to live leave.
01:07:22
This is what I used to leave. DVD
01:07:24
players.
01:07:26
>> What? In your [ __ ] hotel room?
01:07:27
>> In my hotel room. I would write a note.
01:07:29
This is your DVD player.
01:07:30
>> What would you just go bought a DVD
01:07:32
player? Cuz you'd buy it at Best Buy to
01:07:33
watch movies in the weekend.
01:07:35
>> Not movies.
01:07:35
>> Porn.
01:07:36
>> Yes.
01:07:36
>> Got it.
01:07:37
>> Did you leave some of the porn in the in
01:07:38
there or No. No, I would take the porn.
01:07:40
They're discs,
01:07:41
>> right?
01:07:42
>> Yeah. I would leave with the disc, but
01:07:43
leave the DVD player.
01:07:44
>> By the way, he could have bought porn
01:07:46
from the TV for like 50 bucks.
01:07:48
>> Yeah, but they're fuzzy. And there's
01:07:49
five options.
01:07:50
>> I know.
01:07:50
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:07:51
>> Carlos always finds an opportunity to
01:07:53
look up, even though he knows what porn
01:07:54
DVDs look like.
01:07:55
>> Yeah. Yeah. He'll look it up. Yeah.
01:07:56
>> He just wants to Google it.
01:07:57
>> So, I would So, I would go to the local
01:07:59
>> Yeah. Stop. I would go to the local, you
01:08:01
know, the porn store. I'd buy five or
01:08:02
six discs. I'd go to Best Buy, get a DVD
01:08:05
player. I've also left two Xboxes.
01:08:09
>> That's so expensive.
01:08:10
>> It's so expensive. Yeah,
01:08:10
>> cuz the DVD players probably get for 20.
01:08:12
>> Well, no, because my intention was
01:08:13
always I'm going to put in my a
01:08:14
suitcase, but then I try to put in the
01:08:16
suitcase and it won't fit. So, I said,
01:08:17
oh, [ __ ] it. You know what I mean? And
01:08:19
I'll just write a note. Here's a brand
01:08:21
new [ __ ]
01:08:22
>> Here's a new Xbox.
01:08:23
>> Xbox for you.
01:08:25
>> And they must have loved it.
01:08:26
>> How much was Xbox in 2007? It was $500.
01:08:29
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:08:30
>> Oh my god.
01:08:31
>> And that's what I would get paid for the
01:08:32
gig, too. By the way, $500 back then is
01:08:34
like six grand today. That's crazy,
01:08:37
>> dude. This was a crazy moment I had at
01:08:39
the airport here today. Before I came
01:08:40
home, I went to the bathroom when we
01:08:42
landed.
01:08:42
>> Yeah.
01:08:42
>> And there was a man in the in the room
01:08:44
ch uh changing his bab baby's diaper.
01:08:47
>> A
01:08:47
>> And I'm in there taking a piss. And then
01:08:48
I And he turns to me and I go, "Hey,
01:08:50
man." He's like, "Hi." And then another
01:08:52
guy walks in to go by me to go piss as
01:08:54
I'm washing my hands. And he's like,
01:08:55
"Oh, baby." And the guy's like, "Yeah."
01:08:57
And he's like, "How old's the baby?"
01:08:58
He's like real fresh. It's like it was
01:09:00
like two months or something like that.
01:09:03
And he was like, "Oh, so cute." And I'm
01:09:04
washing my hands. And then this guy's
01:09:06
done peeing. Then he goes next to the
01:09:07
man and like stands there and like
01:09:09
watching him change the baby.
01:09:11
>> And he was like, "So cute. So cute." And
01:09:13
I could feel the dad being like, "Mhm.
01:09:16
>> Mhm.
01:09:16
>> I know what that is."
01:09:19
>> What if he's a new dad and trying to
01:09:21
figure out how to put
01:09:22
>> He doesn't know how to do it.
01:09:23
>> Diaper on.
01:09:23
>> Yeah. Internet, Google it. Don't stare
01:09:25
at another man changing his baby.
01:09:27
[ __ ] insane. like boiling the egg for
01:09:28
me.
01:09:29
>> We Googled it. Now you know.
01:09:31
>> Yeah. Sometimes the internet doesn't
01:09:32
know.
01:09:32
>> No, the internet always knows. The
01:09:34
internet literally knows.
01:09:34
>> But Chad HBD told me to do it wrong.
01:09:36
>> No. No. You just did it wrong. We follow
01:09:38
the directions perfectly.
01:09:39
>> Okay. Well, anyway, although Although
01:09:41
I've never I've although I've never um
01:09:44
put a diaper on a baby before. I already
01:09:46
know how to do it.
01:09:47
>> You never changed your friend's kids?
01:09:49
>> No, but I I assume I already know how to
01:09:52
do it because I know how the body works.
01:09:53
I know there's adhesives on the end.
01:09:55
>> Yeah. You're not an idiot.
01:09:56
>> Yeah, I'm not an idiot. Right. So yeah,
01:09:57
I don't know what the explanation was.
01:09:59
>> It was so weird, dude. Even I was wanted
01:10:00
to turn and be like, "Dude, get out of
01:10:01
here. What are you doing?"
01:10:02
>> But Kyla's baby where we're having we're
01:10:04
in the house.
01:10:04
>> Yo, you've never changed Kilo's baby.
01:10:06
>> No, but he said something that I almost
01:10:08
cried.
01:10:09
>> The baby?
01:10:10
>> Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating
01:10:12
and I was kind of across the table and
01:10:14
he looks at me and he goes, "Bobby."
01:10:17
>> Wow.
01:10:18
>> And he knows my name.
01:10:20
>> Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, we fig Yeah.
01:10:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. And it was just like and I
01:10:24
went in and kissed his forehead and he
01:10:26
and then he does this cuz he gets shy
01:10:29
>> but he knows it's you. Yeah.
01:10:30
>> All right, King. Sign us out. Go ahead.
01:10:31
It's your birthday.
01:10:32
>> Thank you for being a bad friend.
01:10:34
>> Cute.
01:10:46
Woo.
01:10:51
Woo.
