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Bobbychella & The King's Fool | Ep 320 | Bad Friends

May 11, 2026 / 01:11:00

This episode features discussions about upcoming shows in San Diego and St. Charles, Missouri, along with humorous anecdotes from Coachella.

Hosts Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino share their experiences at Coachella, including interactions with celebrities and performances by artists like Madonna and Sabrina Carpenter.

The conversation touches on the challenges of attending large festivals, the dynamics of VIP access, and the humorous moments that arise from their experiences.

They also discuss the absurdities of hotel mini bars, tipping practices, and the quirks of traveling, providing a lighthearted take on their adventures.

Listeners can expect a mix of comedy, personal stories, and insights into the festival experience, all delivered in the signature style of the hosts.

TL;DR

Bobby and Andrew share their Coachella experiences, upcoming shows, and funny travel anecdotes.

Episode

1:11:00
00:00:00
Hey, bad friends. I am going to be in
00:00:03
San Diego, Bobby's hometown, on June
00:00:05
28th at the Sound in Delmare, North
00:00:08
County. Come on out, dude. Take a break
00:00:10
from the water and the sun, San Diego.
00:00:13
Come see him at the sound. June 28th.
00:00:15
Two shows, early show and a late show.
00:00:16
June 28th. Then July 24th, I'm going to
00:00:19
be uh in St. Charles, Missouri.
00:00:21
Basically St. Louis, right next door.
00:00:23
Next door neighbors, come out and see me
00:00:24
at the Merit Star Casino. St. Charles,
00:00:26
St. Louis, Missouri. That's July 24th.
00:00:28
June 28th in San Diego. Come out and see
00:00:30
me. Go to andrewantino.com for those
00:00:31
tickets. Andrewsantino.com.
00:00:33
>> You two are bad friends.
00:00:34
>> Who are these two idiots?
00:00:36
>> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:40
are disgusting.
00:00:42
>> You two are something.
00:00:43
>> We're bad friends. Pey
00:00:53
white.
00:00:55
>> Average white.
00:00:58
Normal white guy. Normal white guy.
00:01:01
Normal white guy,
00:01:04
>> right?
00:01:05
>> Yeah. I like it.
00:01:06
>> Yeah. You like it?
00:01:06
>> Look who's back.
00:01:07
>> You're still buying beef at the store?
00:01:09
>> Oh, beef.
00:01:10
>> 20% up.
00:01:11
>> Yeah.
00:01:11
>> Yeah.
00:01:12
>> Oh, yeah.
00:01:12
>> You eating the beef, huh?
00:01:14
>> I'm eating the beef.
00:01:14
>> Yeah. Yeah. What else? What about gas?
00:01:17
>> Gas on the lowest grade gas.
00:01:19
>> You get the low grain.
00:01:20
>> Yeah.
00:01:20
>> I get supreme anyway.
00:01:22
>> That's just with That's gas with
00:01:23
tomatoes and sour cream.
00:01:24
>> Exactly.
00:01:25
>> They're working. It's like a baked
00:01:26
potato.
00:01:27
>> Yeah.
00:01:27
>> Have you gotten colonoscopy?
00:01:29
>> I have it.
00:01:30
>> Yeah. I just got mine
00:01:31
>> last week. Let's bring up the results.
00:01:34
>> No, I can just tell you the results.
00:01:36
>> It was awesome. The phone call made me
00:01:37
happy. Yeah.
00:01:37
>> Zero polyps. Zero.
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>> No polyps. No cancer. They did find a
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fingernail.
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Apparently my ass was like a well from
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the silence of the lamb.
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Things are crawling out of it. You know
00:01:50
what I mean? I think my poop has claws
00:01:52
cuz it was just crawling out.
00:01:53
>> Something's got to be
00:01:54
>> Yeah, they found a fingernail. Yeah.
00:01:55
Yeah. And a little bit of AIDS. But um
00:01:59
you can't put that in there.
00:02:01
>> They tested it. It's pure.
00:02:03
>> Does
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this back from Coachella? Bobby Lee and
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Carlos Herrera went out to the desert.
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They were at Coachella. They were
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ripping it up, dude. TMZ reported on it.
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>> Well, rip ripping it up is um I'll tell
00:02:16
you what happened. And I may may I show
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may may I show you my Coachella
00:02:20
experience? I never been before.
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>> That's why I introed it.
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>> He was showing off his wristband.
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>> Yeah, I was showing off hot shot with
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the new wristband.
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>> Yeah. It's kind of like rude.
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>> Start it over. Go ahead. Go ahead.
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>> [ __ ] No,
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>> they tag you now.
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>> Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] You're an [ __ ]
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>> Yeah. Arrogant [ __ ]
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>> What section of coach? You're missing an
00:02:41
A.
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>> Hey, what's up, dude? What section are
00:02:44
you in? [ __ ]
00:02:46
>> Yeah.
00:02:46
>> Oh, sick dog. I'm a douchebag.
00:02:48
>> Yeah, that's artist.
00:02:49
>> That's artist.
00:02:50
>> So, whose artist pass was it?
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>> Mine.
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>> What artist gave you an artist pass?
00:02:56
>> Well, I I'll be honest with you. We we
00:02:58
we we know a guy, you know. Should we
00:03:01
say his name?
00:03:02
>> Yeah.
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>> And he's a pure white. Um he's a um what
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I like how they call a forever white
00:03:09
>> like me.
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>> Yeah. You're forever white. Like you
00:03:12
guys are the good ones,
00:03:13
>> right?
00:03:13
>> You mean Pete, I think I would put you
00:03:15
in that category.
00:03:16
>> What about McCone?
00:03:17
>> Yeah. Not really
00:03:19
>> cuz he he can turn on a dime. Yeah. And
00:03:21
his allegiances I don't know whose
00:03:23
allegiances is too.
00:03:24
>> He that he he is such a fence sitter. We
00:03:27
don't know where.
00:03:27
>> We don't know where he is, dude. Yeah.
00:03:29
Yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan,
00:03:31
>> right?
00:03:31
>> Right. Who we're going to negotiate.
00:03:34
>> We're we're doing the negotiations.
00:03:36
Right. Yeah. But what what's really
00:03:38
going on here? Pakistan is great.
00:03:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so we um
00:03:46
he really hooked us up. This guy Cole,
00:03:47
he's such a nice guy. I hugged him a
00:03:49
thousand times. I was so grateful that,
00:03:51
you know, I mean, we were able to go
00:03:53
>> and um
00:03:55
>> who's the gentleman you're referring to?
00:03:56
>> Cole. He's the director. He's the
00:03:58
director of the whole festival. Yeah.
00:04:00
Yeah. Really cool guy. Um
00:04:03
>> um he looked after us and um we the only
00:04:06
show I saw I I saw two shows. No, you
00:04:08
saw three. You were miserable at one.
00:04:10
>> I barely saw one.
00:04:12
>> Oh, who was the third?
00:04:13
>> Oh, so the f the first I say two.
00:04:16
Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about
00:04:18
Sabrina Carpenter.
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>> Fill me in.
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>> Okay, I will. Um, she's um a good
00:04:23
performer.
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>> Mhm.
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>> Pretty.
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>> Mhm.
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>> Uh, she gave it her all.
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>> Mhm.
00:04:28
>> Uh-huh. Um, I had rather been in an ICE
00:04:32
detention center.
00:04:35
I'd rather been in a Japanese inter
00:04:36
camp. Um, it was pure painful until,
00:04:40
that's me, until Grandadonna came out.
00:04:45
And when Grandma Madonna came out, I was
00:04:48
so excited.
00:04:49
>> Grandma Madonna.
00:04:51
>> Grand Madonna. Madonna came out. But the
00:04:53
Graham version.
00:04:54
>> Oh, yeah.
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>> Old Madonna.
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>> Yeah.
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>> Grandma Madonna.
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>> Yeah. Grandma Madonna.
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>> Yeah. Grandma. Grandmama Madonna.
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>> Yeah. Grandma Madonna.
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>> Grandma Mad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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>> And she did Vogue. And when you know
00:05:05
what I mean?
00:05:05
>> Come on. Vogue.
00:05:06
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:07
>> Let your body move with the music.
00:05:10
>> She's a strike a pose. And when she
00:05:12
strike a pose, she had her [ __ ]
00:05:14
walking her walker.
00:05:16
>> Yeah. Her walker.
00:05:17
>> It was incredible.
00:05:19
>> Well, strike a pose. You know what I
00:05:20
mean? And she was doing that, right? She
00:05:23
was doing a lot of leaning against, you
00:05:24
know what I mean? Objects.
00:05:25
>> I heard Madonna's tour bus pulled up
00:05:27
into the handicap parking spot.
00:05:31
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:31
>> Wait a minute.
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>> But she was incredible.
00:05:33
>> Was she a surprise guest?
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>> Yeah, we heard. So, you know, I'm
00:05:35
watching us. I I Here's another weird
00:05:38
thing is when you've never heard of the
00:05:40
music.
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>> Uhhuh.
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>> I had I I kept calling what? Karen
00:05:43
Carpenter.
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>> Oh, yeah.
00:05:44
>> Yeah. Because I did I kept messing up I
00:05:46
kept messing up the names.
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>> Karen Carpenter.
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>> Karen Carpenter is a good performer is
00:05:49
what I Look at Look at the set, right?
00:05:51
>> She was good. Karen Carpenter.
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>> Yeah. Karen Carpenter was so good.
00:05:54
>> Great musician.
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>> You barely see her. She's so skinny.
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>> So, this is this is Sabrina Carpenter.
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>> Sabrina Carpenter. She's killing it on
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stage. But when you haven't heard the
00:06:02
music before, like not a single Have you
00:06:05
heard of the music before?
00:06:06
>> No, I didn't know anything.
00:06:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. I kept calling to looking at
00:06:09
Carlos and the girls me Jules Issa are
00:06:12
going crazy like saying the words, you
00:06:15
know. Espresso.
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>> Oh, espresso.
00:06:18
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's her song.
00:06:19
>> Oh, yeah.
00:06:20
>> Is it?
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>> How does it How does it go?
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>> I don't know. Espresso.
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>> Espresso. Espresso.
00:06:25
>> Get me an espresso. Hey. Hey. Hey. Why
00:06:29
don't you get me an espresso? Let me do
00:06:31
the lyrics and see if I can get
00:06:32
>> Yeah. Yeah. See if you can do it.
00:06:34
>> Now he's thinking about me every night.
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Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so. Say
00:06:40
you can't sleep, baby. I know. That's
00:06:43
me. Espresso,
00:06:44
>> can you zoom it in? Maybe try me doing a
00:06:46
lyric here.
00:06:46
>> Yeah, let's hear it.
00:06:47
>> Move it up, down, left, right, on.
00:06:50
Switch up like Nintendo. Say you can't
00:06:53
sleep, baby. I know that's me. espresso.
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>> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:02
[ __ ] are on vacation. And I got this
00:07:04
one boy. He won't stop calling. When
00:07:05
they act this way, I know I got them.
00:07:07
Wait a minute. Time out.
00:07:08
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:09
>> I can't relate to desperation. My give a
00:07:11
[ __ ] are on vacation. Yeah.
00:07:12
>> Clean. Yeah.
00:07:13
>> And I got this one boy. He won't stop
00:07:14
calling. Yeah.
00:07:15
>> When they act this way, you know I got
00:07:17
them. No.
00:07:18
>> And I don't like that.
00:07:20
>> I don't like it either.
00:07:20
>> Too bad for your ex. Don't do it for
00:07:22
you. Walked in a dream came true for
00:07:24
you. soft skin and I perfumed it for
00:07:26
you. Yes, I know it for you. Yes, that
00:07:29
morning coffee brewed it for you. Yes,
00:07:31
that one touch brand I n it for you. Now
00:07:33
we think about me every night. Isn't
00:07:35
that sweet? Guess you can't sleep. You
00:07:36
know that how that's how it goes. That's
00:07:38
not how it goes.
00:07:38
>> That's not how it goes. No. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:40
It was much slower.
00:07:42
>> Yeah.
00:07:42
>> Well, it should have been faster.
00:07:44
>> All if all the songs were faster, it'd
00:07:45
be like a 15-minute set.
00:07:47
>> Oh, and you lied. I I turned to Carlos.
00:07:50
I go, "How long is this?" He goes, "4
00:07:52
minutes
00:07:52
>> her set."
00:07:53
>> Yeah. And an hour. an hour and a half
00:07:54
in, I looked at him. I go, "You're a
00:07:56
[ __ ] lawyer."
00:07:57
>> It's cuz the strokes didn't play long
00:07:59
last week, so I assumed it would be the
00:08:00
same amount of time.
00:08:01
>> Yeah. So, um, but when Grandma Grandma
00:08:04
Madonna came out, um, it was exciting
00:08:06
cuz she did, uh, Vogue Just Like a
00:08:08
Prayer with uh, Karen Carpenter and it
00:08:11
was like, um,
00:08:12
>> Just Like a Prayer is one of my favorite
00:08:13
songs.
00:08:13
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's so It was like then I
00:08:15
got goosebumps.
00:08:16
>> Right.
00:08:16
>> Right. And I was like, "Oh, fuck." You
00:08:18
know, this is incredible. But then I
00:08:21
couldn't wait to get the [ __ ] out of
00:08:22
there. Well, it's too many people, man.
00:08:24
>> Oh my. Well, in our area,
00:08:26
>> you're in the VIP. Yeah.
00:08:28
>> Yeah. He was by the trailers. Like Snoop
00:08:30
Dog walked by him and he's just like
00:08:32
laying back getting recognized.
00:08:33
>> Snoop walked by. Hi as a
00:08:35
>> Well, you're sitting next to a guy. He's
00:08:36
like, you know, talking for a while and
00:08:38
and I go, "What do you do?" He's like,
00:08:39
"Oh, I'm in the Suicidal Tendencies."
00:08:41
>> Oh, really?
00:08:42
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like that. It was that
00:08:43
kind of vibe. You know what I mean? And
00:08:44
then, so then the strokes came on the
00:08:47
second night.
00:08:48
>> Wow.
00:08:48
>> And that was fun.
00:08:50
>> They were They're good. They
00:08:51
>> They were good. And then I turned to
00:08:52
Jules, Issa, and this kid, Kua.
00:08:56
>> They do not know who are
00:08:59
>> Easter Island.
00:09:02
>> They have no idea what's going on.
00:09:03
>> Well, they don't know the strokes,
00:09:04
right?
00:09:05
>> They don't know. And also, when when
00:09:07
Madonna came out, Issa goes,
00:09:09
>> when who came out?
00:09:10
>> Madonna came out.
00:09:12
>> Who?
00:09:12
>> Grandma came out. Yeah, Grandma. Issa
00:09:15
looked at Jules and goes, "Who is that?"
00:09:18
>> Which is crazy. It's weird to be in this
00:09:20
like they're in a gap where that's too
00:09:22
old. Uh and the strokes are not as old
00:09:25
as Madonna but not their style of music.
00:09:28
>> So they're missing these two. That's
00:09:30
kind of wild.
00:09:30
>> Also, when you're the oldest guy in the
00:09:32
whole place,
00:09:34
>> it feels weird.
00:09:35
>> No, you weren't.
00:09:35
>> I know. I mean, you would see other But
00:09:37
they're working.
00:09:38
>> It's like Rick Rubin and you.
00:09:39
>> Yeah. Rick Rubin, me. There's a guy with
00:09:41
a camera that's like I mean, been doing
00:09:42
it for 40 years.
00:09:44
>> You're you're in a class of your own.
00:09:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then we Oh, so
00:09:47
we're sitting there the YouTube area.
00:09:49
>> It's lightly uh lit.
00:09:51
>> And then then we to the second level
00:09:54
above us was literally the Manson girls.
00:09:59
>> You mean like Charles Manson's?
00:10:01
>> Yeah. Do you remember in Once Upon a
00:10:02
Time in Hollywood that girl that was
00:10:04
hitchhiking?
00:10:04
>> Yeah. Margari.
00:10:05
>> So there's three girls up there. They're
00:10:07
wearing no shoes.
00:10:08
>> Wait, Margaret Quali was right.
00:10:10
>> No, no, no, no. It wasn't Marggo. That's
00:10:12
amazing.
00:10:13
>> No, that's not that. No, they were
00:10:14
wearing no shoes. They were like hippie
00:10:16
chicks at spawn ring.
00:10:17
>> Yeah. AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "YEAH." OH,
00:10:19
AND YOU Here's the most
00:10:20
>> That's cool, though.
00:10:21
>> Here's the most or once I walked in,
00:10:23
this is the most annoying. I knew I
00:10:25
wasn't going to have a good time.
00:10:26
>> The lady at the um gate, she says to me,
00:10:30
"Watch this. This would annoy you."
00:10:32
>> Yeah.
00:10:33
>> I'm going through and she goes,
00:10:36
>> "Stay hydrated."
00:10:38
>> Oh, yeah.
00:10:38
>> Like, [ __ ] I know what water is.
00:10:43
Like I've been drinking water longer
00:10:46
than you. I know about electrolytes. I
00:10:47
know about the whole thing.
00:10:48
>> To be fair.
00:10:50
>> What? I don't look like I'm hydrated.
00:10:51
>> You look quite dry.
00:10:53
>> I do.
00:10:54
>> No.
00:10:55
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:55
>> You're a sober guy. She's speaking to
00:10:57
the drug addicts that are there.
00:10:59
>> That place is filled with people on
00:11:00
drugs and and drinking heavily. Yes.
00:11:04
Most You know how many times how Google
00:11:06
how many people pass out or need medical
00:11:08
help at a Coachella weekend? I guarantee
00:11:09
you
00:11:10
>> I guarantee you it's in the hundreds of
00:11:12
people
00:11:13
>> because here's why. Every year something
00:11:15
bad go people have they pass out people
00:11:18
overdose
00:11:19
>> the weekend before a light bulb a
00:11:21
gigantic light bulb this side fell on a
00:11:23
person's head.
00:11:23
>> I heard about that.
00:11:24
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:25
>> That's crazy. Look at this. What does
00:11:27
that say? 80 walking 21 am. Okay. 84
00:11:33
>> amputes right here. So last year, a
00:11:35
hundred people had to get emergency
00:11:37
services because they're either too
00:11:39
high. Yeah.
00:11:40
>> They're not drinking water, which is why
00:11:42
that woman is doing her job.
00:11:43
>> Yeah.
00:11:43
>> And if she's doing her job, it'll go
00:11:45
down again next year.
00:11:46
>> It wasn't what she was saying. It's how
00:11:48
she said it.
00:11:48
>> You didn't like her her vibe.
00:11:50
>> Yeah.
00:11:50
>> Drink water. Yeah. Like stay hyd.
00:12:01
>> Yeah. You got to know
00:12:01
>> of like, you know what I I know how
00:12:03
water works.
00:12:04
>> Yeah, lady. I know how water works.
00:12:05
>> Yeah, I know how water You know how a
00:12:06
water works, right?
00:12:07
>> Just found out.
00:12:08
>> This stuff is fantastic.
00:12:09
>> It's It's the best beverage on earth.
00:12:10
>> The best beverage on earth.
00:12:11
>> Yeah. Yeah. But
00:12:12
>> so so then you're backstage. The Manson
00:12:15
girls are there.
00:12:15
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:16
>> This is a big group or did you guys
00:12:18
split up? Were you and Jules and Nissa
00:12:19
were they did everyone?
00:12:20
>> At that point it was me, the girl I was
00:12:22
seeing and Carlos and behind us were
00:12:26
three Manson girls, you know what I
00:12:27
mean? with no shoes on and they're just,
00:12:30
>> you know, I mean, just doing things,
00:12:31
>> vibing, dude.
00:12:32
>> I like that.
00:12:33
>> I know you liked it. That's when you
00:12:34
said the other thing.
00:12:35
>> Oh, yeah.
00:12:36
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they
00:12:37
were like, you know what I mean?
00:12:38
>> Yeah.
00:12:39
>> Yeah. And it's like like it's also I
00:12:42
know how much it costs to be there in
00:12:44
that area.
00:12:45
>> Yeah.
00:12:45
>> You know what I mean? And they, you
00:12:47
know, their feet are just dirt.
00:12:49
>> But you didn't have to pay for that
00:12:50
area. They did. What you
00:12:52
>> So that's what I'm saying. It's like
00:12:53
here's um so I was in the artist area
00:12:56
and there was three blo from England.
00:12:58
>> Hello mate.
00:12:59
>> Hello Mike. Right. And I go you
00:13:02
and I go yeah. And they're like I go
00:13:04
what do you guys do? You know what I
00:13:05
mean? We're investors.
00:13:07
>> Yeah.
00:13:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. We're finance investors.
00:13:09
>> Yeah.
00:13:10
>> And and so you realize it's just all
00:13:12
rich people.
00:13:12
>> Old money. We've got we've got really ow
00:13:15
money.
00:13:15
>> Yeah. Really got
00:13:16
>> Yeah. And then you realize when you're
00:13:19
there in front of a sea of people
00:13:21
>> and you go in your mind, you're trying
00:13:24
to have a good time.
00:13:25
>> Mhm.
00:13:25
>> But in your mind,
00:13:29
>> we're in a war.
00:13:32
>> Would you ever go
00:13:33
>> to Coachella?
00:13:34
>> Yeah.
00:13:34
>> I I told you I think I I I went to like
00:13:36
the fifth or sixth one.
00:13:38
>> Yeah.
00:13:38
>> Ever?
00:13:39
>> Yeah.
00:13:39
>> And I've never been back. I went to it
00:13:41
and I was like, this is You know me.
00:13:44
That is my nightmare. You know me,
00:13:47
that's my nightmare.
00:13:48
>> Thousands of people like I can't do
00:13:49
that. I I But you know, but you're
00:13:51
different in the fact that like you can
00:13:52
enjoy you can enjoy like the scene with
00:13:55
with with the family.
00:13:57
>> You can with the girls.
00:13:58
>> Was I enjoying
00:13:59
>> you eventually did? Yeah. You found like
00:14:01
good in it with I can go to one show if
00:14:05
it's a one band I want to see one. I
00:14:08
can't do
00:14:08
>> You can't sit through Karen Carpenter
00:14:10
for the for like a festival of Karen
00:14:12
Carpenter.
00:14:14
>> I can't do that. That gives me anxiety.
00:14:16
I don't care.
00:14:16
>> Where did you poop? Where do you poop?
00:14:18
>> Oh, in they have nicer ones now. Oh,
00:14:20
they do for the VIP. There's nicer ones.
00:14:22
They look like like maybe a Nou um
00:14:24
bathroom.
00:14:26
>> Yeah. Yeah, I went to Nou. I'll tell you
00:14:28
at Coachella.
00:14:28
>> Yeah, I I'll tell you about my Nou, but
00:14:30
I want to just say this. What? Yeah.
00:14:32
>> So, the Nou was one thing. All right.
00:14:33
So, so I I made a I made a promise with
00:14:37
myself. I'll never go back. I don't care
00:14:39
what it is.
00:14:39
>> Thank you.
00:14:40
>> It dep I don't care if it's the return
00:14:42
of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell.
00:14:45
Whatever. Yeah. Return of Jesus Christ,
00:14:47
right? I ain't going.
00:14:48
>> Would he play the main stage? You think
00:14:51
>> they couldn't get Jesus on the main
00:14:52
stage?
00:14:54
>> They're like, "Look."
00:14:54
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:14:55
>> Ariana Grande beats the number.
00:14:57
>> Harry Styles is going to get main stage.
00:14:59
>> He's a stage coach.
00:15:00
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:01
>> That's so funny.
00:15:02
>> Jesus is at Bonnaroo.
00:15:03
>> Yeah. I mean, they could do the return
00:15:05
of the Beatles and have George and
00:15:07
John's Bones up there. Just, you know
00:15:09
what I mean?
00:15:11
I I I would not go. You know what I
00:15:13
mean? I still would not marionette.
00:15:15
>> Yeah, marionette.
00:15:17
>> When you lose in my head
00:15:21
>> points of view,
00:15:23
>> that would be so funny to say.
00:15:26
>> I know.
00:15:27
>> Tax man.
00:15:29
>> Get in the tax man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:31
Yeah. That' be so
00:15:32
>> You still wouldn't go.
00:15:33
>> You wouldn't go. No, you would never go.
00:15:34
>> I would never go back. Right. Terrible.
00:15:36
Do do the thing. So then Carlos says to
00:15:39
me, he goes,
00:15:41
"I got you Nou." I go, "Where?" At
00:15:45
Coachella. And I go, "Oh, that's cool.
00:15:48
Thank you." He's at 7:00.
00:15:50
>> For my birthday, I got him Nou.
00:15:51
>> How did you do that?
00:15:52
>> And for for your birthday, I got you
00:15:54
Coachella.
00:15:55
>> Thank you. I
00:15:56
>> You know what I mean? So I think that I
00:15:57
won.
00:15:59
>> It's not a contest.
00:16:00
>> I know. But what you just said was
00:16:02
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:16:03
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:03
>> No, you did. You did do that. You You
00:16:05
just did do that.
00:16:06
>> I'm a little edgy. I
00:16:07
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:08
>> Wait, why?
00:16:08
>> Molly 18.
00:16:10
>> So he gives me
00:16:12
>> Oh, okay. Can I just say I want to say
00:16:14
this one?
00:16:15
>> And I'm going to gnark on you.
00:16:16
>> So, first of all, you [ __ ] lied cuz
00:16:18
when I called you and we talked, I said,
00:16:19
"Did you do you do any drugs at
00:16:20
Coachell?" And you said, "I didn't
00:16:21
consider Molly a drug because it's
00:16:23
>> Oh, it's not just drugs. It's not just
00:16:24
Oh, I'm sorry. Can I interrupt? Can I
00:16:26
interrupt? Can I interrupt?"
00:16:28
>> Yeah.
00:16:28
>> I thought
00:16:28
>> he comes out into the cuz we we Airbnb
00:16:31
the house. Yeah.
00:16:32
>> He comes into the living room. I'm
00:16:34
sorry. Happy birthday. He brings out a
00:16:36
Bible.
00:16:37
>> Oh, no.
00:16:39
>> Right.
00:16:39
>> While you're on Molly.
00:16:40
>> No. And he opens up the Bible. It's not
00:16:43
a Bible.
00:16:44
>> It's a drug pharmacy.
00:16:47
>> Carlos,
00:16:49
>> you still have the drug Bible.
00:16:51
>> That's insane.
00:16:52
>> Yeah.
00:16:53
>> It's like a little travel case. His
00:16:55
little Bible.
00:16:55
>> It has a lock on it. So proof.
00:16:57
>> I know. Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.
00:16:59
>> Dog and kid proof. That's why I brought
00:17:00
it.
00:17:01
>> Written Arab Arabic.
00:17:04
still written in Arabic in his [ __ ]
00:17:05
Bible, right?
00:17:06
>> Inshallah.
00:17:07
>> Yeah. And so, are you mad at that?
00:17:09
>> No. It made Bieber so much fun.
00:17:10
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, then
00:17:13
>> he makes me go to Nou now. It sounds
00:17:15
good. They make you go to
00:17:16
>> No. Hold. Stop. Let him get it out.
00:17:18
Where is the Nou?
00:17:20
>> Just in the middle of the festival.
00:17:22
>> There's a Nou in the grounds. Like they
00:17:24
built a [ __ ] no.
00:17:26
>> They built a Nou in the grounds.
00:17:28
>> What? That's crazy. But unfortunately,
00:17:32
they built it. So you you're you're on a
00:17:35
patio outside and literally 200 feet
00:17:38
away is the stage of the EDM festival,
00:17:43
right? So you're eating you're eating
00:17:46
you're eating sushi in an earthquake.
00:17:50
It was the most unpleasant human
00:17:52
experience.
00:17:55
>> And I felt bad for the sushi chefs.
00:17:57
>> Oh yeah,
00:17:58
>> cuz you have to be there all day. Oh, I
00:18:00
bet they got paid handsomely.
00:18:02
>> Oh, I I I hope so.
00:18:03
>> I guarantee you they made so much
00:18:05
[ __ ] money on
00:18:06
>> because they're there all day listening
00:18:08
to this.
00:18:10
>> That's the view from No,
00:18:12
>> I got to tell you.
00:18:12
>> That's the view. That's the stage and
00:18:15
and that's not one speaker.
00:18:18
>> That's all of the speakers.
00:18:19
>> Yeah. That's the kind of speakers in
00:18:21
Close Encounters with Third Kind they
00:18:22
communicated with aliens.
00:18:23
>> Yeah.
00:18:28
I mean, that's that speaker, too.
00:18:32
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and finasteride. I was in the desert. I
00:21:22
was in Las Vegas. Yeah, Viva Las Vegas.
00:21:26
Interesting place.
00:21:28
Interesting.
00:21:29
>> I've been there.
00:21:31
>> Like it
00:21:32
>> as if I've never been there.
00:21:34
>> Do you like it?
00:21:35
>> In what way? Exactly. In what way?
00:21:39
>> Ditto.
00:21:40
>> Exactly.
00:21:42
>> Ditto to you, my friend.
00:21:43
>> Every time I go to Vegas, this
00:21:48
>> so much smoke.
00:21:48
>> Oh, yeah.
00:21:49
>> I can't breathe, dude. Michelle Wi says
00:21:51
hi, by the way.
00:21:52
>> Who does?
00:21:52
>> Michelle Wi.
00:21:53
>> Oh, the athlete.
00:21:54
>> Probably the greatest female golfer on
00:21:56
earth. She lo She loves you.
00:21:58
>> Loves you.
00:21:59
>> Oh, I wish Bobby would come to
00:22:01
something.
00:22:02
>> Yeah.
00:22:02
>> Michelle Wi West. One of the best. And
00:22:04
then when we were watching the strokes,
00:22:05
Josh Adam Myers walks by like in the
00:22:08
elite area.
00:22:09
>> Do his voice.
00:22:10
>> I Well, hey, I'm Josh Adams.
00:22:14
>> I don't know. And you know, he's with
00:22:16
the Strokes.
00:22:17
>> Mhm.
00:22:17
>> You know what I mean?
00:22:18
>> Mhm.
00:22:18
>> And I go, "Hey, Josh." He doesn't turn
00:22:20
around and textes me later. Where are
00:22:22
you?
00:22:22
>> Oh, you think he saw you and pretended
00:22:24
not see you?
00:22:24
>> I don't know.
00:22:25
>> That's [ __ ] up.
00:22:26
>> I don't know.
00:22:27
>> Bobby, I
00:22:28
>> You saw him, too, right?
00:22:30
>> Yeah.
00:22:30
>> Yeah. Yeah. You think he did the thing
00:22:32
where it's like I don't
00:22:33
>> I don't know.
00:22:34
>> I love that move though. What?
00:22:35
>> I love that for him.
00:22:36
>> Yeah, because he's in a different class.
00:22:38
>> What does that mean? What do you mean?
00:22:40
>> He's with the band.
00:22:41
>> You're with the band.
00:22:42
>> No, it wasn't. I was back. We went back
00:22:44
there to see them and I I couldn't get
00:22:46
to him.
00:22:46
>> Yeah, he was looking for the stroke.
00:22:49
>> I was. And you couldn't get to him?
00:22:51
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:52
>> We couldn't find him.
00:22:53
>> We couldn't find him.
00:22:54
>> Yeah. But there was We ran into that um
00:22:57
comedian Megan
00:22:59
>> Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her.
00:23:01
>> Oh, me Stalter. Yeah. Me Stalter. So
00:23:03
funny. And then I we ran into um
00:23:05
>> like Minnie Mouse.
00:23:06
>> Yeah.
00:23:06
>> She's funny.
00:23:07
>> Yeah.
00:23:08
>> And this one kid, we don't still don't
00:23:10
know who he is, but he had like um three
00:23:13
um what do you call him, Carlos?
00:23:16
>> Oh, like
00:23:16
>> piercings on his right eye
00:23:18
>> and he was kind of sweating. He was
00:23:20
like, I just got off stage and
00:23:21
mainstage. We still don't know who it
00:23:22
was.
00:23:22
>> A comedian.
00:23:23
>> No, he was a performer.
00:23:25
>> Oh, yeah. There was no comedy at
00:23:26
Coachella, right?
00:23:27
>> Imagine. I mean, they could have they
00:23:30
could have a comedy tent and do very
00:23:31
well. I bet.
00:23:32
>> You think so?
00:23:33
>> Ask at other festivals like
00:23:34
>> Yeah, they do that. What do you mean?
00:23:35
>> But you wouldn't it wouldn't be our
00:23:37
types of comedy.
00:23:38
>> I I looked at the demographic. There's
00:23:40
just no way.
00:23:41
>> Who would it be? Who would headline
00:23:42
Coachella?
00:23:43
>> Okay. Oh, this is good. This is this is
00:23:44
good.
00:23:44
>> I mean, first of all, Chappelle could
00:23:46
easily do that.
00:23:47
>> He could, but I'm talking about it would
00:23:49
be more um
00:23:50
>> like on the smaller tents.
00:23:52
>> A smaller tent. More of a I could see
00:23:54
Mosha Casher.
00:23:56
>> Yeah.
00:23:56
>> These types, you know what I mean?
00:23:58
>> East side. East side comedy side. Yeah,
00:24:01
I get that.
00:24:01
>> I could see uh David Cross doing well.
00:24:04
>> No [ __ ] way. He would never go out
00:24:05
there.
00:24:06
>> That's another that when I said that, I
00:24:08
go I promise you this. I will not run
00:24:12
into a sing except for Meg,
00:24:14
>> but she's an actress, right? I will not
00:24:16
run into a traditional standup comic
00:24:19
here ever cuz there's just I imagine
00:24:22
David Tell sitting there watching Karen
00:24:24
Carpenter.
00:24:25
>> No, but that's but that's not true.
00:24:26
There's there comics that are into
00:24:27
psychedelics would absolutely go to
00:24:28
that. There's a lot of comics that like
00:24:29
music and psychedelics and I'm sure
00:24:30
there's a lot of guys that would go do
00:24:32
that.
00:24:33
>> I I I just I never ran into one.
00:24:34
>> I bet you there's way more than you
00:24:36
thought were out there. You think so? I
00:24:37
I I would assume that like Yeah. No, not
00:24:40
you know.
00:24:40
>> I couldn't see like a traditional
00:24:42
>> Not like Louis CK is not
00:24:44
>> Yeah. There's no way Louis is going to
00:24:45
be there watching. Yeah. I mean, Sabrina
00:24:47
Carpenter.
00:24:47
>> No, but there's some people that are
00:24:48
that Yeah. There's some drug drug comics
00:24:50
that like to get high and listen to
00:24:52
music. And
00:24:52
>> also it What What When When did Bieber
00:24:54
end? 1:00 a.m.
00:24:56
>> 1:00 a.m. Imagine being out there at
00:24:58
1:00 a.m. in the desert.
00:25:00
>> It was great.
00:25:01
>> Yeah, he loved it.
00:25:02
>> Yeah, I'm 54. My body couldn't do it.
00:25:04
>> You got to go home.
00:25:04
>> I did the strokes and I did three hops
00:25:06
and then everything broke.
00:25:08
>> Remember?
00:25:09
>> He was hopping hard.
00:25:10
>> Yeah, I was hopping hard.
00:25:10
>> I broke from the stroke.
00:25:16
>> I mean it I couldn't bo anymore.
00:25:18
>> You loved it though cuz you were on
00:25:19
MDMA.
00:25:20
>> Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't
00:25:22
Yeah.
00:25:22
>> Yeah, he did. No, you were taking it all
00:25:24
day long. I saw.
00:25:25
>> No, those are mushrooms.
00:25:27
>> Oh, okay.
00:25:27
>> So, you're eating mushrooms all day and
00:25:28
then to Molly at night for Bieber?
00:25:29
>> Yeah, it was the warm up.
00:25:30
>> Yeah, it was warm up. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:32
>> And then he slept in the house with you.
00:25:34
>> He slept in the door. No, but I had to
00:25:36
lock the door.
00:25:36
>> Yeah, I was next to
00:25:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. He was literally right next
00:25:39
to me. I had to lock the door.
00:25:40
>> How many? It was a lot of rooms.
00:25:41
>> Yeah, there were a lot of
00:25:42
>> like 12 rooms.
00:25:43
>> And you slept next to him?
00:25:45
>> Mhm.
00:25:45
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I had to lock his
00:25:46
door to my room.
00:25:48
>> Yeah.
00:25:48
>> Because I was with my friend and it's
00:25:50
like I didn't want him to walk in.
00:25:52
>> Right.
00:25:52
>> Right. Cuz that would be
00:25:53
>> that would be gross
00:25:54
>> cuz then he would take his clothes off.
00:25:55
>> 100%.
00:25:56
>> You know what I mean? And then to try to
00:25:57
ram it in me.
00:25:58
>> I thought about you on the week all
00:26:00
weekend because I was with a table of
00:26:01
friends and one of my friends
00:26:03
girlfriends
00:26:04
>> didn't understand how I could pick out
00:26:06
which of the girls on the floor of the
00:26:07
casino were professionals.
00:26:08
>> Oh, it's so easy.
00:26:09
>> She's like, "How do you know?" I'm like,
00:26:10
"What? It's so clear. Like, it's so
00:26:12
obvious what girls are out there."
00:26:13
>> Oh, tell me the rules.
00:26:14
>> What's the hottest one wearing nice
00:26:16
shoes?
00:26:17
>> First of all, dead giveaway at any
00:26:18
casino. You go to like the bar there. If
00:26:21
you're at a casino and you're not
00:26:22
gambling and
00:26:23
>> what casino?
00:26:24
>> Any every all every everyone
00:26:26
>> all center of the because there's always
00:26:28
a center bar.
00:26:29
>> Well, there's always a bar that's near
00:26:31
where the tables are, right? Whether
00:26:33
people are paying $80 a drink, but you
00:26:34
can get a drink for free if you just
00:26:36
gamble. So, it's the dumbest [ __ ]
00:26:38
>> Yeah.
00:26:38
>> So, it's usually
00:26:40
>> uh a single girl sitting alone who's
00:26:42
remarkably attractive wearing a dress
00:26:44
that's not even on her body. Yeah.
00:26:46
>> And she's on her phone the whole time.
00:26:47
Yeah. Right. And then she's waiting at
00:26:50
the bar for, you know, old man
00:26:52
McGillicuy to sit down. Yeah. Who's got
00:26:54
a suit jacket? The old guys always have
00:26:55
a suit jacket that are rich. They don't
00:26:57
dress like us.
00:26:57
>> I love old men.
00:26:58
>> Old men are the best.
00:26:59
>> No. Middle Cuddy.
00:27:02
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:03
>> Cuddy.
00:27:04
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:06
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:07
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:08
>> McGillicuy.
00:27:08
>> Yeah.
00:27:09
>> Okay.
00:27:10
>> Yeah. And they're always alone. They
00:27:12
always are alone cuz then what they do
00:27:14
is
00:27:14
>> old manically.
00:27:16
>> Mckicoly is not alone. Oh, he's not
00:27:18
alone.
00:27:18
>> He's with guys, but the professional is
00:27:20
alone. And then she chums it up. Oh my
00:27:22
god. And then gives him the thought, oh,
00:27:25
this is the And she's like, who you here
00:27:26
with? And he's with some some friends.
00:27:28
She's like, let me get some of my
00:27:30
friends. And then you'll see the
00:27:32
professionals start coming like moth to
00:27:34
a flame. A few other hot girls will some
00:27:36
somehow show up out of nowhere or light
00:27:38
bulb
00:27:39
>> in his older what?
00:27:39
>> Or light bulb.
00:27:40
>> Well, moth to a flame is the phrase, BUT
00:27:41
YEAH,
00:27:43
>> I'm just any kind of source of light.
00:27:45
>> Any kind of source of light.
00:27:47
Yeah.
00:27:47
>> Incandescent.
00:27:48
>> I want to be
00:27:48
>> incandescent. Yeah.
00:27:50
>> And they'll show up and then you'll just
00:27:51
notice
00:27:52
>> Yeah.
00:27:52
>> five very slovenly looking middle of
00:27:56
nowhere men.
00:27:57
>> Yeah.
00:27:58
>> With three to five
00:28:00
>> unbelievably attractive women wearing
00:28:02
nothing half of their age. And you're
00:28:04
like these guys are going to get run on
00:28:06
by these professionals. These girls are
00:28:07
going to take these guys. And we watched
00:28:09
it happen like live. And my friend's
00:28:11
girlfriend was like,
00:28:12
>> "How did you how did you like call
00:28:13
that?" I was like, "It it's so
00:28:15
see-through. Why would that girl talk to
00:28:17
that guy?
00:28:18
>> Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to
00:28:20
the high limit rooms.
00:28:22
>> Always a professional walking around or
00:28:23
sitting kind of waiting near it.
00:28:25
>> I would have no idea.
00:28:26
>> It's so obvious.
00:28:27
>> We saw that in Vegas last time.
00:28:29
>> 100%.
00:28:30
>> So you can pick them off from a mile
00:28:31
away.
00:28:31
>> Very easy. Yeah,
00:28:32
>> it happened when we were uh where was I
00:28:34
just uh Oh, with
00:28:36
>> Cuz my assumption would be like, "Oh,
00:28:37
she's her boyfriend's in the bathroom."
00:28:39
>> No,
00:28:40
>> you know what I mean? Oh, she's just
00:28:41
waiting for her boyfriend in the
00:28:42
bathroom.
00:28:43
>> You can always tell.
00:28:44
>> Really? you. It's just there's a vibe
00:28:45
that they're doing that you're like
00:28:47
they're they're obviously waiting for
00:28:49
their target. Like they're waiting for
00:28:51
the target to arrive. If you walk up to
00:28:53
her and if guys walk up to her and flirt
00:28:55
with her, which I'm sure they do, she
00:28:56
probably [ __ ] them off.
00:28:57
>> Why?
00:28:58
>> Cuz she's looking for the She goes
00:29:00
fishing.
00:29:00
>> Mhm.
00:29:01
>> She's not looking to be caught. She's
00:29:03
fishing.
00:29:03
>> Oh, she's fishing.
00:29:04
>> She's finding the idiot that she's
00:29:06
looking to take down. So, they find the
00:29:07
guy.
00:29:08
>> You when you see you see all these
00:29:09
things like target, take down. What is
00:29:11
going on here?
00:29:11
>> They're all in the military.
00:29:15
Yeah, cuz you're scaring me.
00:29:16
>> Well, they work. They seriously work.
00:29:18
So, like that's everything is strategy.
00:29:20
You can just see the way they operate.
00:29:21
It's all strategy by the way they they
00:29:23
operate with these guys. But you we
00:29:24
watched it happen and she was shocked.
00:29:25
She like couldn't believe it. I was
00:29:26
like, "Well, we saw it in Vegas
00:29:27
together. It was so you and then when I
00:29:29
was with Gillis, same thing. We sit at
00:29:30
the bar. Me and D. Rosa are sitting at
00:29:31
the bar
00:29:32
>> having a cocktail."
00:29:33
>> Yeah.
00:29:34
>> I'm about to go to bed cuz I play golf
00:29:36
the next morning.
00:29:36
>> Yeah. And this girl is sitting alone and
00:29:39
then she slowly is like kind of leaning
00:29:40
in on our conversation and she zones in
00:29:43
on D. Rosa and I slowly fade off into
00:29:46
the background,
00:29:47
>> right?
00:29:47
>> And I can see it happening.
00:29:48
>> You become a whisper.
00:29:49
>> And I texted him. I said, "Joe, don't do
00:29:52
anything stupid."
00:29:53
>> Oh.
00:29:54
>> And I disappoint.
00:29:54
>> So, but what happens next?
00:29:57
>> Then she chats who you get formal.
00:29:59
>> Tell me the rules.
00:29:59
>> Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a
00:30:01
drink. You can then it's like, "Oh,
00:30:02
let's have another have another drink."
00:30:03
>> How much is that?
00:30:04
>> Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those
00:30:06
bars are like 25 bucks probably. They're
00:30:08
a ripoff.
00:30:08
>> Yeah, but they don't drink. So,
00:30:09
>> and then she goes, "Oh, I want to go
00:30:10
gamble. Do you want to g Oh my god,
00:30:12
let's go gamble. Just you and me.
00:30:13
Separate him from the herd." Right. This
00:30:15
is how they kill their prey.
00:30:16
>> They go, "Let's go gamble. You and me."
00:30:17
So, then they take him to a table. Dude,
00:30:20
I I've seen it happen.
00:30:21
>> I've seen it happen.
00:30:22
>> And then they take him to a table or
00:30:23
they go, "Let's play slots." Whatever.
00:30:24
And it's like,
00:30:24
>> so you can tell this guy, this target,
00:30:26
right? You can call them the USA.
00:30:31
>> I mean, Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:33
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:34
>> So, you take the USA
00:30:36
>> into, you know, I mean, a hostile
00:30:37
environment
00:30:38
>> cuz the USA thinks he's the man. I'm the
00:30:40
man.
00:30:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. YEAH. YEAH. I GOT
00:30:42
MONEY.
00:30:43
>> I GOT MONEY.
00:30:43
>> I GOT MONEY. I'M I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY.
00:30:45
>> I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT.
00:30:46
>> WHATEVER YOU WANT. OKAY. NOW, I'm
00:30:49
beginning to see it now. Yeah.
00:30:52
>> I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.
00:30:54
>> Maybe the greatest analogy of all time.
00:30:55
>> I think so. I think so. I think it's
00:30:57
perfect. It's perfect.
00:30:57
>> And they separate them. They start to
00:30:59
gamble. They're drinking more. They're
00:31:00
gambling. Right.
00:31:01
>> Maybe. Then then then comes in the
00:31:02
dropout.
00:31:03
>> Yeah.
00:31:04
>> Should we get a bag?
00:31:06
>> Whoa.
00:31:07
>> Do you want to Oh, do you like to party?
00:31:09
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:09
>> Then this drops in. Right. Then you
00:31:11
start to see the swirl.
00:31:12
>> What do you mean? What's a bag?
00:31:13
>> Coke.
00:31:15
>> Do you want a bag?
00:31:16
>> Should we get a bag?
00:31:17
>> Yeah.
00:31:17
>> Yeah. Yeah. And then depending on if
00:31:20
>> Is that the term?
00:31:21
>> Get a bag. Yeah.
00:31:22
>> Yeah. Cuz I wouldn't know what that
00:31:23
meant. And she goes, "If you want a
00:31:24
bag," I go, "A bag of groceries?" "Well,
00:31:27
you want you want Instacart?
00:31:28
>> Let's go to Trader Joe. I wouldn't know
00:31:30
the term
00:31:31
>> be so funny to take a prostitute just to
00:31:32
Trader Joe's.
00:31:33
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:35
>> Yeah. You take her.
00:31:36
>> This is what I meant. You know what I
00:31:37
mean?
00:31:37
>> I just want stuff for my apartment.
00:31:39
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:39
>> Then they they ask for drugs and if the
00:31:41
if the subject is
00:31:42
>> like if I said um I don't do bags.
00:31:45
>> No, that's fine. You're probably less
00:31:47
likely now for her to attack harder.
00:31:49
>> Oh, okay. So, give me the situation. All
00:31:51
right. I say Okay. I say All right.
00:31:53
>> So, you're sober.
00:31:54
>> Yeah. I'm I've been sober for four
00:31:55
years.
00:31:56
>> Oh,
00:31:57
>> and I'm I'm going to talk like
00:31:58
Coachella.
00:32:00
I just wanted to go. I was just there.
00:32:02
You know what I mean? Hydray.
00:32:03
>> And then so I
00:32:04
>> All right. So I'm the professional.
00:32:05
>> You're the professional. So Oh, yeah. I
00:32:07
don't do drugs. I've been sober for 4
00:32:08
years. I don't have it back.
00:32:10
>> That's no problem.
00:32:12
>> There's That's not a problem.
00:32:13
>> Not at all.
00:32:14
>> Okay. So what do we do next?
00:32:15
>> Let's go gamble some more.
00:32:16
>> Okay. Let's gamble. So we're gambling. I
00:32:19
spent about three grand. Right. And then
00:32:20
at one point, what happens after that?
00:32:22
>> She goes, "Oh god, is this hotel nice?"
00:32:25
>> Oh, yeah. I have a suite here.
00:32:26
>> You do?
00:32:27
>> Yeah. Can we can I check it out? I want
00:32:29
to see. I've never seen the sweets here.
00:32:32
>> Okay.
00:32:32
>> See, you're in.
00:32:33
>> All right. So, we go to the elevator.
00:32:35
Boop. You because you have to put the
00:32:36
boop. And
00:32:36
>> you're in the elevator.
00:32:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. And you take your You have
00:32:38
to hack your room key. Boop. It
00:32:40
>> right.
00:32:42
>> Yeah. So, once you see the room, I mean,
00:32:45
what happens?
00:32:46
>> I just want to check it out.
00:32:47
>> Oh, you want to check it out? All right.
00:32:48
We're in the room.
00:32:49
>> Is there a mini bar in here?
00:32:50
>> Yeah.
00:32:50
>> I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot.
00:32:52
>> Yeah. I don't drink. I just [ __ ] said
00:32:53
that. I don't do bags or drink.
00:32:54
>> Can I do a shot?
00:32:56
>> Yeah, I guess.
00:32:56
>> Okay. I do a shot. Right.
00:32:58
>> Ready? I'm feeling good. It's warm in
00:32:59
here. Shirts off. Tits out.
00:33:01
>> Wait, Andrew.
00:33:02
>> Yeah.
00:33:02
>> She needs to go to the bathroom first to
00:33:04
text her pimp that she's okay.
00:33:06
>> Oh,
00:33:08
>> the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:09
>> By the way, by the way.
00:33:10
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:10
>> I've only seen this from the floor
00:33:11
level.
00:33:12
>> Carlos needs to take it from here.
00:33:14
>> Right.
00:33:14
>> I I actually don't know the next move.
00:33:15
I'm making it up as we go. But
00:33:18
>> that sounds right.
00:33:19
>> She text her. Well, tell us what they do
00:33:21
when they get into the room.
00:33:22
>> Yeah. Hold on. Can I use your restroom?
00:33:23
And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's
00:33:25
way too long. like things are happening.
00:33:27
>> How much does this cost,
00:33:29
>> Carlos?
00:33:29
>> Yeah.
00:33:30
>> In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's
00:33:33
going to be she's going to take her
00:33:34
shirt off.
00:33:34
>> Yeah.
00:33:35
>> She be like, "Oh, if you want to do
00:33:36
anything else, you have to tip me."
00:33:37
>> So they take their shirt off.
00:33:38
>> Yeah. They're like, "Okay."
00:33:39
>> And she says, "You have to tip me." But
00:33:41
you already paid her $1,000.
00:33:43
>> Anything else is extra? You have to tip
00:33:44
me.
00:33:45
>> So $1,000 is just to hang with her.
00:33:46
>> Yeah. Just for 5 minutes.
00:33:48
>> No, that's No way.
00:33:48
>> That I'm serious.
00:33:49
>> For nothing.
00:33:50
>> That's how they really I'm out.
00:33:51
>> That's how they rip.
00:33:52
>> You're not even getting like a tuggy or
00:33:54
something?
00:33:55
>> No. That's how they rip people off in
00:33:56
Vegas or LA. You have to
00:33:58
>> It feels too, you know what I mean?
00:33:59
>> The only story I know
00:34:00
>> Yeah.
00:34:01
>> I mean, other than the ones you've told
00:34:02
me, but from a friend of mine
00:34:04
>> who isn't a guy that would do this
00:34:07
usually, this was very out of pocket for
00:34:08
him, but I think he was newly single and
00:34:10
going through a rough patch.
00:34:11
>> Yeah.
00:34:12
>> This is a long time ago. But he told me
00:34:14
um they were drinking and he thinks that
00:34:17
she drugged him.
00:34:18
>> Well, okay. She know he knows. I mean,
00:34:20
he was drinking all day. He was
00:34:21
hammered.
00:34:22
>> Yeah.
00:34:22
>> But then he passed out. Blacked out.
00:34:24
passed out and then when he woke up his
00:34:26
watch and his cash were gone.
00:34:28
>> Oh yeah, that happens to like NBA
00:34:30
players all the time.
00:34:30
>> They I mean they call in their friends
00:34:32
to call.
00:34:32
>> Well then what's what's the worth what
00:34:34
is it worth it? There's it's not worth
00:34:36
it. Not that way.
00:34:37
>> Just jerk off.
00:34:38
>> Yeah.
00:34:39
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:40
>> No,
00:34:40
>> that's what I do. Just jerk off.
00:34:42
>> Yeah. But see, but here's the
00:34:43
difference.
00:34:43
>> Or get on Lexapro.
00:34:46
>> Get in on SSRI.
00:34:47
>> Yeah,
00:34:48
>> that does help.
00:34:48
>> This the commercial for SSRIs. Are you
00:34:51
having trouble with prostitutes? Let's
00:34:53
get on an SSRI.
00:34:55
>> No, but so have you been robbed before?
00:34:58
>> No. No, because I've
00:34:59
>> But you know the stories.
00:35:00
>> Yeah. You know,
00:35:01
>> so you keep doing
00:35:02
>> I've been in those situations and I've
00:35:04
like backed out.
00:35:05
>> But why are you still doing it knowing
00:35:06
that it's dangerous?
00:35:07
>> Oh, that was so long ago. No,
00:35:08
>> I'm the pro.
00:35:09
>> No, but here's I know you're so But
00:35:12
here's the thing about you.
00:35:13
>> You think you're the pro. You like you
00:35:15
like excitement.
00:35:16
>> Yeah.
00:35:17
>> You're you're sort of like a Navy Seal
00:35:18
in that way. Exactly. Where it's in no
00:35:21
other way whatsoever.
00:35:23
is so disrespectful to Navy Seals.
00:35:26
YEAH.
00:35:27
>> LIKE some of the most like adored
00:35:30
athletically, mentally, physically
00:35:32
strong.
00:35:33
>> You are nothing like the Navy Seals.
00:35:34
>> Except for this one.
00:35:35
>> Except for this.
00:35:37
>> And we train in California.
00:35:38
>> They train all They turn all over the
00:35:41
place. All over the world. Yeah. Water.
00:35:43
>> By the way, he's going to run.
00:35:44
>> Are you good at water?
00:35:45
>> I'm good at water.
00:35:46
>> Okay. He's good at him swim.
00:35:47
>> No.
00:35:48
>> Not a not a water guy.
00:35:49
>> You're not You're not a water guy.
00:35:50
>> He's You know what you are? You're not a
00:35:52
seal.
00:35:52
>> Yeah,
00:35:53
>> you're you're Well, you're a beached
00:35:54
seal.
00:35:56
>> That's nice. You're chilling on the
00:35:57
beach.
00:35:57
>> Oh, it'd be so funny if his like you
00:35:59
know what I mean? His his patrol or
00:36:00
what? Right. They're they're on they're
00:36:03
fighting. Where's Carlos? And he's still
00:36:05
swimming.
00:36:08
>> This is two days in.
00:36:09
>> 100 yards off the shore. I'm on my way.
00:36:12
>> I be vaping the whole time.
00:36:13
>> You'd be vaping in the water.
00:36:14
>> Yeah. You're not a seal.
00:36:15
>> Watching basketball on my iPhone.
00:36:16
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, vaping I
00:36:18
wish overtook cigarettes completely
00:36:20
because of this in Vegas every time.
00:36:23
>> And now it's like people still smoke in
00:36:25
Vegas even though I know they don't
00:36:27
smoke back where they're from. This game
00:36:29
people play.
00:36:29
>> Just vape. Please vape cuz I don't I
00:36:32
don't I'm huffing and puffing your [ __ ]
00:36:33
at the Just vape. Everywhere should be
00:36:35
vape. There should be only sell vapes
00:36:36
everywhere all over Vegas. No more
00:36:38
cigarettes. It's [ __ ] obnoxious. How
00:36:40
is he a Navy Seal again?
00:36:41
>> I forgot.
00:36:42
>> I spaced out.
00:36:43
>> Oh no. I I know why. Because you like
00:36:45
extreme Yes.
00:36:47
>> You mean you want you like danger? You
00:36:49
like danger. You like living on the edge
00:36:51
even at your age.
00:36:52
>> Aerosmith.
00:36:53
>> Yeah. Yeah. And you like um the mystery
00:36:56
of it all.
00:36:57
>> Yeah.
00:36:58
>> Like the chase.
00:36:59
>> Mhm.
00:36:59
>> Yeah.
00:37:00
>> Yeah. I've like run from the cops three
00:37:01
times.
00:37:01
>> Yeah. You told me about the motorcycle
00:37:03
thing and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:04
Yeah.
00:37:04
>> But but so now you think you've got it
00:37:07
at a place where if you get if you pay
00:37:09
for a friend
00:37:10
>> Yeah. If we're going to say this
00:37:11
eloquently,
00:37:12
>> you think you're safe from any sort of
00:37:15
>> Oh, I know I am because I'm like a
00:37:17
member of certain things where it's all
00:37:18
verified.
00:37:21
>> What do you mean you're in a private
00:37:22
club?
00:37:22
>> Mhm.
00:37:23
>> Oh,
00:37:23
>> yeah.
00:37:24
>> I'm going to tell you this right now.
00:37:25
Whatever.
00:37:26
>> I want to know how much you pay to be in
00:37:27
the private club.
00:37:27
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:28
>> Oh, I got in early.
00:37:29
>> You got in early. You invested earlier.
00:37:31
>> Like it's I literally like it's AI.
00:37:34
>> It's insanity trading.
00:37:36
>> Yeah.
00:37:37
>> Yeah.
00:37:37
>> Who else is in there?
00:37:38
>> Yeah. Who else is in there? What other
00:37:40
insider traders are in there?
00:37:42
>> I feel like there are famous people in
00:37:43
there, but I would
00:37:44
>> in your private club.
00:37:45
>> Wow.
00:37:46
>> I believe that if Carlos was a king
00:37:48
>> Oh, this is what you said about if I if
00:37:51
Carlos was a king that we'd all be dead.
00:37:53
>> Popper. Popper. Popper.
00:37:54
>> Yeah. What do you mean?
00:37:55
>> Popper. Popper. Popper.
00:37:56
>> Was it a popper? Popp
00:37:57
>> king. A prince or popper. He's a popper.
00:37:58
He's a popper.
00:37:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. But do you think we'd be
00:38:00
alive
00:38:00
>> if he was a king?
00:38:01
>> Yeah.
00:38:02
>> Only because of the loyalty that we've h
00:38:03
he's had to us so far, we'd still live
00:38:05
through his his
00:38:06
>> Yeah. But what position will we have?
00:38:07
>> Well, ask him. He's right there.
00:38:08
>> Yeah. Like, so you're king. What
00:38:09
position do I have? And be completely
00:38:11
honest.
00:38:12
>> Well, obviously you're my court's
00:38:13
jester.
00:38:14
>> Yeah, that's fine. Of course.
00:38:15
>> You're my fool.
00:38:16
>> What do I get, though?
00:38:17
>> I'm your fool.
00:38:18
>> You're my fool.
00:38:19
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:20
>> You I keep you drunk and I make you
00:38:21
relapse.
00:38:23
>> Wow. Okay.
00:38:24
>> And you And you have a chain around your
00:38:26
neck.
00:38:27
>> I do
00:38:27
>> like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s.
00:38:30
>> Yeah. But do I get like a condo or an
00:38:32
area to a good night's sleep?
00:38:34
>> Oh, please in the castle to sleep.
00:38:36
>> The jester lives in the basement. He I
00:38:38
live in the basement.
00:38:38
>> No, I would give him like a really cool
00:38:40
view of like the ocean.
00:38:42
>> Oh, go cool.
00:38:43
>> Yeah, he gets everything.
00:38:43
>> Can I get No. Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch
00:38:44
ch ch ch ch ch ch.
00:38:45
>> NO CHAIN ALWAYS.
00:38:46
>> WHY?
00:38:46
>> YEAH, THERE'S JUST CHAINS and you have a
00:38:48
guy walking with you all the time to
00:38:50
watch you.
00:38:50
>> Oh, I have like a an assistant.
00:38:52
>> But no, it's a bodyguard, but he works
00:38:54
for me. He's watching you all.
00:38:55
>> Right. Right. Right.
00:38:56
>> Just making sure you don't get any ideas
00:38:58
to leave.
00:38:58
>> Exactly.
00:38:59
>> Anything.
00:38:59
>> Yeah. Yeah. To anything.
00:39:00
>> All right. What am I?
00:39:01
>> Well, just one last question. I'm sorry.
00:39:02
I'm the gesture, so I got to have a
00:39:03
couple.
00:39:04
>> Well, the gesture is not allowed to
00:39:05
speak. Really?
00:39:05
>> I know. But how many times do I have to
00:39:07
perform? How many times do I have to
00:39:08
perform?
00:39:09
>> Whenever I want when I wake up, I need
00:39:11
like a funny like ringtone.
00:39:13
>> Yeah. You go Oh, when like my phone
00:39:15
rings, it has to always be on silent,
00:39:17
but you do the ringtone vocally.
00:39:19
>> Exactly.
00:39:20
>> Okay.
00:39:21
>> All right.
00:39:22
>> I would love that one.
00:39:23
>> Yeah. Yeah. Do I get to have a
00:39:24
girlfriend?
00:39:26
>> Um,
00:39:26
>> think carefully, King.
00:39:30
This is why they're doing the no kings
00:39:31
protest, by the way.
00:39:32
>> If you behave after like 3 years, we'll
00:39:34
review it again. Oh, you get to apply.
00:39:36
Yeah.
00:39:37
>> So, I get nothing until three years.
00:39:39
>> Yeah, exactly.
00:39:40
>> You get absolutely nothing.
00:39:41
>> I'm gonna change your taste in um
00:39:44
humans.
00:39:44
>> Do I get Wi-Fi?
00:39:45
>> I'm going to turn you full gay.
00:39:47
>> Yeah. Do I get Wi-Fi?
00:39:48
>> Yeah, you can have Wi-Fi.
00:39:49
>> Okay, cool.
00:39:50
>> Turn him full gay.
00:39:51
>> You get turn me full gay?
00:39:52
>> Yeah. I'm going to do experiments where
00:39:53
I get him hard, but there's like
00:39:55
pictures of men and so like reactivate
00:39:58
his brain to only be attracted to men.
00:40:02
>> This sounds like just Hollywood.
00:40:03
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:40:05
I've been in this casting.
00:40:06
>> Yeah, I don't want to be. Yeah, I try.
00:40:07
Yeah, chain's a good idea because I
00:40:09
would want to get out. What is Andrew?
00:40:11
>> Where am I on the king's on the king's
00:40:12
court?
00:40:12
>> And don't don't talk out of fear.
00:40:14
>> Yeah, don't
00:40:15
>> No, I have a good one for you.
00:40:16
>> All right, good.
00:40:17
>> Head of the air force.
00:40:20
>> Wow.
00:40:20
>> With honor, my king,
00:40:21
>> which means he's nowhere near you.
00:40:23
>> That's right.
00:40:23
>> Yeah, he's out there. He's
00:40:25
>> He's out there.
00:40:25
>> I'm out there. He's telling what drones
00:40:27
to do what.
00:40:28
>> What?
00:40:28
>> He's telling drones what to
00:40:29
>> I'm starting [ __ ] war, dog.
00:40:31
>> Yeah.
00:40:31
>> If he's the king,
00:40:32
>> do we have communication? No. Why?
00:40:35
>> Only talks to me.
00:40:36
>> Yeah, but I can't talk to him. Like,
00:40:37
how's the war going?
00:40:38
>> Well, can I come see the jester war?
00:40:41
>> You need a if you need a laugh and
00:40:42
things are too hard.
00:40:43
>> Yeah. Yeah, you can come over.
00:40:44
>> This is a romantic comedy that I'm the
00:40:46
head of of the Royal Air Force and I
00:40:49
have to sneak to come see you do shows
00:40:51
and afterwards we hang out late night
00:40:52
[ __ ] around.
00:40:53
>> This is like a romantic love story.
00:40:55
>> Infuriate me though.
00:40:57
>> You're never going to catch us.
00:40:58
>> There'll be an opening on the door,
00:41:00
right? And and the chain only goes gets
00:41:03
to the opening of the door, right? So
00:41:05
you hear
00:41:07
and I go, "Handra going, hey."
00:41:09
>> Yeah. How are you, buddy?
00:41:10
>> Not great, dude. Two years I haven't
00:41:12
been delayed.
00:41:14
>> Yeah. And I think I'm gay.
00:41:18
Let me suck.
00:41:19
>> I love you. I got to go. I got to go.
00:41:21
>> Yeah.
00:41:22
>> I have to go bomb Iran.
00:41:23
>> Okay. Yeah. All right. So, what is
00:41:25
Mcone's What is Men's job? Mhm. Oh, he
00:41:28
obviously just like films and vlogs
00:41:30
everything for me,
00:41:31
>> right?
00:41:32
>> So, he's doing that.
00:41:33
>> So, he gets a better job than me.
00:41:34
>> Yeah.
00:41:36
>> No, you all do what y'all are best at.
00:41:38
>> That's true.
00:41:38
>> Yeah. YEAH. BUT WHY DO I HAVE A CHAIN?
00:41:40
>> CUZ YOU'RE THE BEST FOOL. Uh
00:41:42
>> you're the best fool.
00:41:43
>> And the chain is because I always want
00:41:45
you to make me laugh and I think it will
00:41:46
get tiring and and you won't be allowed
00:41:48
to leave.
00:41:49
>> But eventually I I will stop making you
00:41:51
laugh
00:41:52
>> cuz you know my temperament.
00:41:53
>> Experiments. Oh, then you do like
00:41:56
scientific experience on me.
00:41:57
>> Does mouse all access to the to the
00:42:00
kingdom?
00:42:00
>> He has a filming.
00:42:02
>> He has an all access a band.
00:42:03
>> This is where the king [ __ ] up.
00:42:05
>> All right. What? What? What? What? What
00:42:06
band do I have?
00:42:09
>> G.
00:42:10
>> General admission.
00:42:11
>> You're gen admission.
00:42:13
>> General admission for sure. I GAVE YOU
00:42:15
VIP FOR COACHELLA.
00:42:17
>> WHAT DO I HAVE? What do I have? What
00:42:19
band am I at?
00:42:20
>> You're artist pass for sure.
00:42:21
>> Oh, I get artist pass. So, I'm not all
00:42:22
access, but I just get
00:42:23
>> Yours says AF. Air Force.
00:42:25
>> Air Force. Air Force Access.
00:42:26
>> Yeah.
00:42:26
>> And can I tell you something? Listen. He
00:42:28
This is where he [ __ ] up cuz the king
00:42:30
already laid out the rules.
00:42:31
>> Mone, you know damn well.
00:42:34
>> Oh no.
00:42:34
>> Is going to eventually sneak down to the
00:42:36
jester's cave.
00:42:37
>> Yeah.
00:42:38
>> Because of his crush on you
00:42:39
>> and break you free. You know he's going
00:42:41
to go behind Carlo.
00:42:42
>> He will not. You know what will happen
00:42:44
in that opening?
00:42:45
>> I'll just see a camera.
00:42:49
>> He'd be filming you.
00:42:50
>> He'll be just filming me. It's great
00:42:51
content.
00:42:52
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's
00:42:54
not going to help at with [ __ ]
00:42:56
>> I disagree.
00:42:57
>> Am I right, though? You would try to
00:42:58
break him out, wouldn't you, you little
00:42:59
[ __ ]
00:42:59
>> Now, I'd film for a bit, but then when
00:43:00
he was doing the same things, we did
00:43:02
something new for the video. So, we'll
00:43:04
break him out.
00:43:04
>> And Pete, where's Pete in this whole
00:43:06
thing?
00:43:06
>> Yeah, Pete is not around a lot.
00:43:08
>> No, we have a royal podcast every week.
00:43:10
>> Ah, and I like that.
00:43:11
>> It's the only one available
00:43:12
>> and he stays in the podcast space.
00:43:14
>> Yeah, he's a producer, but
00:43:15
>> but he's not allowed to leave the
00:43:16
podcast room.
00:43:17
>> He doesn't want to. We
00:43:18
>> I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the
00:43:20
podcast?
00:43:20
>> Of course. You're the fool.
00:43:23
>> My Air Force sergeant is telling me
00:43:25
something.
00:43:25
>> No. No. That's a threat to security,
00:43:26
sir.
00:43:27
>> Oh,
00:43:27
>> it is.
00:43:27
>> We can't have that. The king.
00:43:28
>> Okay. All right. And then what does um
00:43:30
Andreas have?
00:43:34
>> Well, this is interesting. What does the
00:43:35
king do with Andreas?
00:43:36
>> Yeah.
00:43:37
>> Head of fashion in our country.
00:43:43
>> He designs the He designs the uniforms
00:43:45
for the military. The least fashionable
00:43:48
guy on this show is the head of fashion.
00:43:50
That's the funniest thing I've ever
00:43:51
said. That's insane.
00:43:53
>> What's that? Did you What's the clothes
00:43:54
he
00:43:54
>> wear?
00:43:56
We're all working.
00:43:58
>> Half plaid shirt.
00:44:03
>> You end up he ends up designing the
00:44:05
kingdom. It's all you kingdom. [ __ ]
00:44:07
>> Oh my god, it would look terrible. Oh my
00:44:09
god.
00:44:09
>> And we're changing the language. And
00:44:11
Andreas is uh the head of that. We're
00:44:13
changing it to Spanish.
00:44:13
>> We're going to be speaking Spanish.
00:44:14
>> Yeah. It'll be like we're in LA.
00:44:16
>> Yeah.
00:44:17
>> How can I be funny? I don't know
00:44:19
Spanish.
00:44:20
>> You're going to learn it. You're going
00:44:21
to
00:44:21
>> Oh, okay.
00:44:22
>> A Mexican cartoon or something.
00:44:23
>> The gestures only have one good phrase.
00:44:25
Look up in Spanish how to say um piss in
00:44:27
my mouth.
00:44:33
>> Here.
00:44:35
>> Let's hear it.
00:44:41
>> That's all I say.
00:44:42
>> Very good. The gesture just flux, bro.
00:44:47
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Constantly people
00:44:48
peeing in my mouth.
00:44:49
>> Wow. That's how you feel about me.
00:44:52
>> That's how you feel about me?
00:44:53
>> You really did?
00:44:54
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:55
>> You're You're so funny. There's a lot of
00:44:56
creativity to throw.
00:44:57
>> Yeah. Yeah. I bought for every meal at
00:44:59
Coachella.
00:45:00
>> No.
00:45:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I got you VIP and
00:45:02
good Coachella.
00:45:03
>> We got better than VIP.
00:45:04
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got you um a free
00:45:06
place to stay in in Coachella.
00:45:08
>> Thank you.
00:45:09
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm still the
00:45:11
gesture gets his peed on and is gay.
00:45:15
>> I thought it
00:45:16
>> Is that the rule?
00:45:17
>> I I thought it'd be an honor.
00:45:18
>> It's not an honor, dude. It's a
00:45:20
disgrace. I get the worst job in your
00:45:22
kingdom.
00:45:23
>> No, it's incredible.
00:45:24
>> It's not incredible, DUDE. I HAVE A
00:45:25
CHAIN on my neck. I live in a cave.
00:45:28
>> But for me, it's gray. We get to hang
00:45:29
out all the time.
00:45:30
>> NO, I'M NOT HANGING out with you, dude.
00:45:32
>> Well, no. He's You're hanging out with
00:45:34
him. He's not hanging out with you.
00:45:36
That's the difference. You have to hang
00:45:37
with him.
00:45:37
>> I'm going to tell you right now.
00:45:38
>> Click on that one more time. Yeah. What?
00:45:40
Just let me hear it.
00:45:41
>> And
00:45:44
>> we got to make a merch shirt of him
00:45:45
going
00:45:47
piss in my mouth. Orina.
00:45:50
>> I bet I could convince him to move up, I
00:45:52
think.
00:45:53
>> No chance.
00:45:53
>> Oh, dude. I'm I'm He's so highly
00:45:55
manipulative.
00:45:56
>> The power. Look at That's you. That's
00:45:57
you and Carlos.
00:45:58
>> YEAH.
00:46:04
>> Oh my god, dude. IT'S SO [ __ ]
00:46:10
OH MY GOD. THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL. THAT'S
00:46:14
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, DUDE.
00:46:16
>> BECAUSE I THINK that's fun, man. IT
00:46:18
MAKES
00:46:18
>> THAT'S FOR ME, THOUGH.
00:46:20
>> I LOVE YOU, DUDE.
00:46:20
>> YEAH, THAT'S NOT LOVE.
00:46:22
>> FORCE LOVE.
00:46:23
>> I'M [ __ ]
00:46:24
>> NO, IT'S FORCED LOVE. ALL RIGHT. Force
00:46:26
love.
00:46:26
>> It's force love,
00:46:27
>> dude. I want that photo here. I want
00:46:30
that in the studio. Yeah,
00:46:32
>> that is Mary Evans. That's amazing.
00:46:34
>> Now, what does Jules get? Rudy. M.
00:46:38
>> Oh, that's interesting.
00:46:39
>> She's like in our CIA.
00:46:41
>> Oh, she's in She gets a higher position
00:46:42
as well.
00:46:43
>> Zero dark. Zero dark.
00:46:44
>> Zero dark 30. She is watering.
00:46:46
>> She is our assassin. She's our secret
00:46:48
assassin.
00:46:48
>> Secret assassin. Knives water.
00:46:50
>> I'm going to work closely with her on
00:46:51
using her to infiltrate other kingdoms
00:46:53
to try to make yours more expensive.
00:46:54
>> You have so much. You guys get so cool.
00:46:56
You know what I would do? I would do a
00:46:58
monochrist.
00:47:00
I would take a a piece of rock
00:47:01
>> and start slowly
00:47:03
>> 25 years slowly chipping away at a you
00:47:06
know I mean I just need a like a Breijit
00:47:07
Fonda some poster
00:47:10
>> good double good double reference I like
00:47:11
it
00:47:11
>> yeah
00:47:13
Shaw Shank Monte Crystal right I one day
00:47:16
I would go for my birthday
00:47:17
>> what' you say they have fussy britches
00:47:18
>> yeah yeah can I can I get a um whatever
00:47:22
poster what is that
00:47:23
>> oh you're going to wake him he's going
00:47:24
to wear one of those a [ __ ] mask
00:47:26
>> we're trying to do that
00:47:27
>> so when you try to break Oh. Oh. When
00:47:29
you catch me.
00:47:30
>> Yeah.
00:47:31
>> So, you're going to do poster
00:47:32
inspections?
00:47:33
>> 100%. I've seen Shaw.
00:47:35
>> OH, HOW [ __ ]
00:47:36
>> You're going to be in a [ __ ] mask.
00:47:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Iron mask.
00:47:38
>> Are there other people? Let me ask you
00:47:40
this.
00:47:40
>> Hey, by the way, can still arena in Mioa
00:47:42
in that too?
00:47:43
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:46
>> It's in your eye. Look at that. Look how
00:47:48
big the whole mouth is.
00:47:49
>> Yeah. And it's it's so close off on the
00:47:51
neck, it fills up.
00:47:55
>> Oh my god. What? Those eyes are pre-cut
00:47:57
for you.
00:47:58
>> I want the right one. That looks cooler.
00:47:59
>> That looks like yours.
00:48:00
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That looks cooler. I
00:48:01
look like Batman [ __ ] mask.
00:48:03
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:04
>> So, are there other um people where I'm
00:48:07
living the caves? Are there other
00:48:09
people?
00:48:10
>> I love you. Don't worry.
00:48:11
>> Oh, oh, I'm not worried.
00:48:12
>> He wants to know about community.
00:48:13
>> Oh, look at the look at the [ __ ]
00:48:14
ocean while in a that mask and a [ __ ]
00:48:17
chain.
00:48:18
>> Well, that's the only thing if you
00:48:19
misbehave, dude.
00:48:20
>> Where's the castle, by the way? What
00:48:21
location are we?
00:48:22
>> What does the castle look like? Try to
00:48:23
find it. No, we've moved the capital um
00:48:26
from DC to LA.
00:48:28
>> So we live here and we live
00:48:29
>> Malibu. Malibu
00:48:31
>> Malibu.
00:48:31
>> That's at least nice.
00:48:32
>> Iron Man for you.
00:48:33
>> Where? I don't live
00:48:34
>> for all of you but me.
00:48:36
>> No.
00:48:36
>> I'm the head of the Air Force. I live
00:48:38
way in the middle of No, you live at the
00:48:39
castle on the sea. That's This is where
00:48:41
you live.
00:48:41
>> Yeah. You know what I get? This is what
00:48:43
I'm going to do. I'll look out the
00:48:44
window and go, "Oh, there's Mel Gibson
00:48:47
running on the beach."
00:48:48
>> That's what the c what the castle looks
00:48:49
like.
00:48:49
>> Bowser's castle, right?
00:48:51
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:52
>> Honestly. And then where am I now? Just
00:48:55
like
00:48:55
>> So this is where I'm at all the time.
00:48:57
>> Yeah.
00:48:58
>> Penthouse.
00:48:59
>> The penthouse. Yeah. Where am I at?
00:49:00
>> In the face.
00:49:01
>> Well, that's not the facing the ocean.
00:49:04
>> Oh, well,
00:49:04
>> it's Oh, that's facing the ocean.
00:49:06
>> It is.
00:49:06
>> It's ocean of lava.
00:49:08
>> All right. So, can I see the left tower
00:49:10
or far left tower? Can I be there?
00:49:12
>> No, dude. You don't get to choose.
00:49:14
>> There's only so many chains.
00:49:16
>> It's a chain issue, dude.
00:49:18
>> You have plenty of chains. Also, dude,
00:49:20
that that left that that left tower,
00:49:21
that's the bathroom.
00:49:22
>> Oh, it is? Yeah.
00:49:24
>> I'd rather Okay.
00:49:25
>> Yeah. See, you'll live up there.
00:49:26
>> Oh, where? Near you.
00:49:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're right under me.
00:49:29
>> Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to sleep.
00:49:30
I'll tell you that. Am I screaming?
00:49:32
>> You know, they used to do that. They
00:49:32
used to like carve out little pieces so
00:49:34
they would poop over the wall outside of
00:49:36
the castle. So, it would fill up the
00:49:37
moat with like poop and pee and stuff
00:49:39
like that. So, it would deter people
00:49:40
from trying to swimming through it.
00:49:41
>> Am I near there?
00:49:42
>> You're by the poop pee moat.
00:49:44
>> Yeah. But you also have to clean it
00:49:45
because I want It has to be see-through.
00:49:47
So he gets to clean the poop moat every
00:49:49
day. Oh, he collects the [ __ ] buckets
00:49:51
>> whenever HE WANTS.
00:49:52
>> OH, WHENEVER I WANT.
00:49:55
WHENEVER. All day long.
00:49:57
>> Yeah, it's whenever.
00:49:58
>> He collects the [ __ ] buckets from all
00:49:59
the
00:50:00
>> You know, my work ethic that is going to
00:50:01
be filled with [ __ ] and peeing. I ain't
00:50:03
doing [ __ ]
00:50:04
>> You're going to love the iron mask. Then
00:50:05
>> I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my
00:50:07
face. I don't care.
00:50:10
>> This is the issue.
00:50:11
>> Yeah. Yeah. It's a big issue.
00:50:12
>> Your colony would be called the [ __ ]
00:50:14
castles. Ah, down at [ __ ] cast.
00:50:16
>> All right. You're the king.
00:50:18
>> Oh, brother.
00:50:18
>> Yeah. Yeah. What am I?
00:50:19
>> Phenomenal.
00:50:20
>> What am I?
00:50:21
>> If I'm the king.
00:50:22
>> Yeah.
00:50:24
>> What are you?
00:50:24
>> Yeah.
00:50:25
>> I would I You're going to not like this
00:50:27
answer.
00:50:30
>> What?
00:50:30
>> You're not going to like this answer.
00:50:32
>> Oh, all right.
00:50:33
>> You're going to be my queen.
00:50:35
>> Oh, that's way better than [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:50:37
fa pace.
00:50:38
>> Yeah. But but but the queen gets beaten
00:50:40
daily.
00:50:42
>> Oh, yeah.
00:50:43
>> By you.
00:50:43
>> All of us.
00:50:44
>> By the king. Oh,
00:50:45
>> my entire court.
00:50:52
>> And the queen's only allowed one phrase.
00:50:53
>> Eat what?
00:50:55
>> It's in my mouth. Yeah, it's the same
00:50:56
phrase,
00:51:01
>> dude. I get treated like [ __ ] in this.
00:51:03
>> No, no, no, no. You're my queen.
00:51:04
>> Let's be real. I don't want to be your
00:51:05
queen. You could have a woman.
00:51:07
>> No,
00:51:07
>> your wife.
00:51:08
>> No, I want you.
00:51:09
>> Yeah. No, I know.
00:51:09
>> You're my little
00:51:10
>> Give me something aside from queen. I'm
00:51:12
begging you.
00:51:12
>> All right. You'll be my geisha girl.
00:51:16
IS THAT
00:51:17
CAN I BE VICE PRESIDENT? Do you think
00:51:19
Give me a good rule.
00:51:20
>> Do you think in medieval times you would
00:51:21
be anything but a a jester or Gisha
00:51:23
girl? That's what you would be.
00:51:24
>> No, no, no. Give me How about this? Just
00:51:27
send me out and I'll like be like a um
00:51:30
what do you call it?
00:51:30
>> Can't trust you in the field.
00:51:32
>> No. Like you go you're a representative
00:51:34
IN BELGIUM.
00:51:35
>> NO.
00:51:36
>> YES.
00:51:37
>> That's you there.
00:51:41
>> What What can't I have? What do you call
00:51:43
them? Um,
00:51:44
>> an ambassador.
00:51:44
>> An ambassador. Give me an am Alaska.
00:51:47
>> We can't have you represent us.
00:51:48
>> Yeah. Anywhere.
00:51:49
>> No.
00:51:49
>> Yeah. Yeah. How about a place that no
00:51:51
one wants to go?
00:51:52
>> Where?
00:51:53
>> Right. Like, you know that little area
00:51:54
between South America and North America
00:51:57
where all those snakes and all that
00:51:58
where people can't walk?
00:51:59
>> Central America.
00:52:01
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:01
>> Central America.
00:52:02
>> There's a chunk of land where there's no
00:52:04
roads. It's impossible to get through
00:52:05
because of it's just the terrain and no
00:52:08
one lives there and because there's so
00:52:09
many snakes.
00:52:09
>> The guy in Plurbus got through it.
00:52:11
>> Yeah. So, that area? Yeah.
00:52:12
>> Yeah. Can I be the that?
00:52:16
>> But then you're going to live there.
00:52:17
>> Yeah, I will find a way to live there.
00:52:19
>> I don't like you begging. No castle.
00:52:23
>> I can't even get that.
00:52:25
>> My queen. Back to the castle.
00:52:27
>> Oh, [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] with both. How
00:52:29
about you, Pete?
00:52:30
>> Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the
00:52:32
way.
00:52:32
>> Oh, yeah.
00:52:33
>> Pete sucks my toes every single night.
00:52:35
>> I'll do it.
00:52:35
>> Lucky.
00:52:36
>> And see, I'll do it. See,
00:52:37
>> can I do toe sucking? No way. Do my toe
00:52:39
sucking ability.
00:52:40
>> You're not sucking toe.
00:52:41
>> Yeah, dude.
00:52:42
>> No. beats on it.
00:52:43
>> I'll even
00:52:44
>> I'll even rim the toes.
00:52:46
>> You want me to rim your toes?
00:52:49
>> All right.
00:52:49
>> All right. Okay. Well, Carlo, what would
00:52:51
Carlos be in my kingdom? What would he
00:52:53
be in your kingdom?
00:52:54
>> Oh, dude. He wouldn't be in the kingdom.
00:52:57
>> Oh, so now this is retaliation. Is that
00:52:59
what enemy?
00:53:00
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're definitely enemy
00:53:01
of state. Yeah. You're number one on the
00:53:03
FBI most wanted list.
00:53:05
>> You're Bin Laden.
00:53:06
>> That's cool.
00:53:06
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:08
>> And everybody's hunting you.
00:53:10
>> Everyone's hunting you.
00:53:11
>> Yeah. every country. I'm going to have
00:53:13
everyone uh hunt you.
00:53:14
>> Sounds awesome.
00:53:15
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a dead
00:53:17
man, dude.
00:53:17
>> Andreas would be my my groundskeeper for
00:53:19
sure.
00:53:20
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:53:21
>> He'd make everything so nice.
00:53:22
>> Not fashion, but ground.
00:53:23
>> Ground. Ground. He can do fashion in the
00:53:25
grounds.
00:53:25
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:26
>> If he wants to des landscape, he can
00:53:30
>> he can desc.
00:53:36
>> Oh.
00:53:36
>> Oh. And he's the head head lesbian leg.
00:53:39
>> The head leg of the lesbian legs show.
00:53:41
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz your legs are like a
00:53:42
lesbians. Just puffy, wide, thick. You
00:53:45
know what I mean?
00:53:45
>> Come over here.
00:53:46
>> Let me see your legs.
00:53:47
>> Yeah. Your legs are the worst.
00:53:48
>> We got to see these things.
00:53:49
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:50
>> You do have weird legs.
00:53:52
>> Yeah.
00:53:52
>> Take your pants off.
00:53:55
>> Yeah.
00:53:55
>> Yeah.
00:53:57
>> Yeah. Subaru Outback.
00:53:58
>> Yeah. Subaru Outback. Yeah.
00:53:59
>> Those are those are kind of like
00:54:01
lesbian.
00:54:01
>> If you shave them, they would be
00:54:02
lesbian-like.
00:54:04
>> Yeah.
00:54:04
>> Get out of here, softball player.
00:54:06
>> Yeah.
00:54:07
>> McCone in my in my world in my kingdom.
00:54:09
I would send him on missions that have
00:54:10
no purpose whatsoever
00:54:13
>> just to get him out of the kingdom for a
00:54:15
little while. You know, I'm like, "You
00:54:17
have to go to the land of Quanang and
00:54:20
find a three-legged woman."
00:54:22
>> HE'S GONE for like 6 months,
00:54:24
>> years.
00:54:24
>> And he comes back defeated,
00:54:26
>> "My lord, I could not find a
00:54:27
three-legged woman."
00:54:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:29
>> Fine. Then you'll complete yet another
00:54:30
mission. You'll fail yet one more.
00:54:32
>> Yeah.
00:54:32
>> And I'll send him out again to do what?
00:54:34
>> What?
00:54:34
>> What's the other mission we send him out
00:54:36
for?
00:54:36
>> Oh, stats.
00:54:37
>> Stats.
00:54:38
>> Yeah. You must go to Kolonga
00:54:40
>> Konga
00:54:41
>> and count every single strawberry ever
00:54:44
grown in one season. I don't want the
00:54:47
numbers off at all.
00:54:48
>> And if they are
00:54:49
>> Yeah. If they ARE
00:54:49
>> OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.
00:54:50
>> OFF with your head.
00:54:51
>> This is what you do on tour already.
00:54:53
You'd send me on impossible missions.
00:54:55
>> Impossible missions. The best.
00:54:57
>> I love sending him on missions.
00:54:58
>> And then you criticize him when he comes
00:54:59
back and he fails them cuz of course he
00:55:01
would fail them. How could he do
00:55:02
anything otherwise?
00:55:03
>> Pete would be executioner.
00:55:05
>> Oh.
00:55:06
>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have him with
00:55:07
the the the black so accurate.
00:55:10
>> It's so accurate. Black. No one knows
00:55:12
who you are, so don't feel guilty.
00:55:14
>> Yeah.
00:55:14
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:14
>> You can tell it's Pete.
00:55:16
>> Yeah. I'll be good at it.
00:55:17
>> Look, it's just that
00:55:18
>> that's that. Yeah, that's Pete.
00:55:19
>> Yeah. But he walks up. He's like, "Hey,
00:55:21
it's Pete." He
00:55:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People know his name.
00:55:24
>> Pete. Yeah. It's Pete. Pete the Butcher.
00:55:26
>> Pete the Butcher.
00:55:27
>> Yeah. There's There's a You mean
00:55:29
>> Yeah.
00:55:30
>> Pete the Butcher.
00:55:30
>> Pete's so funny.
00:55:31
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:32
>> Oh, yeah. That's me.
00:55:34
>> Yeah.
00:55:34
>> We try to cut off somebody's head. the
00:55:36
rig doesn't work and Pete's like it must
00:55:37
be the USBC wire that's not Yeah. Like
00:55:40
oh [ __ ]
00:55:40
>> And then Andreas for me would be
00:55:42
spokesperson.
00:55:44
>> A lot of miscommunication.
00:55:46
>> I know. That's why that's why
00:55:47
>> right what I tell him is not going to be
00:55:49
No one's going to understand what he's
00:55:50
saying.
00:55:51
>> It's like code.
00:55:51
>> Yeah. It's code. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:53
>> It's actually brilliant.
00:55:54
>> Yeah. It's no one's going to understand.
00:55:55
>> No one's going to understand what he's
00:55:56
saying.
00:55:57
>> We plan to visit tomorrow.
00:55:59
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:00
>> What do the king's communicator say?
00:56:01
>> You speak only through him.
00:56:03
>> Yeah. And I go, "Well, you know, all the
00:56:06
information I told him."
00:56:07
>> Italian Trump.
00:56:08
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:09
>> Yeah. I tell you this right now. In two
00:56:11
weeks. In two weeks, it'll be done. You
00:56:15
know what I mean?
00:56:17
>> But yeah, I would be he would be my
00:56:19
communicator.
00:56:20
>> But for fashion, I would have to go go
00:56:22
for outside help.
00:56:23
>> Yeah. Who's designing?
00:56:25
>> Rick Ingram.
00:56:31
I mean, that's
00:56:33
Just standard gap.
00:56:35
>> Just guy.
00:56:35
>> Yeah. Guy. Gap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:38
I mean, I'm not dressed like that as the
00:56:40
king.
00:56:41
>> You make your court.
00:56:42
>> No. I'm Balenciaga. You know what I
00:56:43
mean? Gucci. You know what I mean? But
00:56:44
like everyone else, Rick is one of the
00:56:46
funniest comics in the world.
00:56:47
>> In the world.
00:56:48
>> But he has just standard common people
00:56:51
fashion.
00:56:52
>> Shirt.
00:56:53
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:54
>> T-shirt, jeans, and [ __ ] you know,
00:56:58
>> I'm that way though. I'm t-shirt. I'm
00:56:59
standard white.
00:57:00
>> Yeah. Yeah. Standard white.
00:57:00
>> Standard white. A standard white
00:57:02
clothing style except for me.
00:57:04
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:05
>> Except for you. The king.
00:57:06
>> The king.
00:57:07
>> And the king wears what? What does the
00:57:08
king wear?
00:57:09
>> Oh, Jesus Christ. Um, probably every day
00:57:12
is a different, you know, vari. And then
00:57:14
like
00:57:18
>> No, Vra is the knockoff.
00:57:24
>> Verac.
00:57:26
>> Oh, [ __ ]
00:57:27
>> What king was known to have the best
00:57:28
fashion? Louis the 14th. They said this
00:57:31
guy was
00:57:32
>> best fashion. Also was gay, right? I
00:57:35
mean, he was gay. Give us like a
00:57:36
straight king. That's Bobby Lee.
00:57:38
>> Yeah,
00:57:38
>> that's 100% Bobby Lee.
00:57:40
>> Well, do you are you going to do
00:57:42
anything for your birthday?
00:57:44
>> I did it all weekend. I I'm going to
00:57:46
watch Euphoria and take Xanax later.
00:57:48
That's my big plan.
00:57:49
>> God,
00:57:49
>> what's this big about Euphoria? I I I
00:57:51
I'm not Have you done it, Bob?
00:57:54
>> Euphoria? No. I see the kids watching it
00:57:56
and I I try to sit there and watch
00:57:59
>> and it's like not my thing.
00:58:00
>> Not for you.
00:58:01
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:01
>> Well, good. Have fun on Euphoria. We We
00:58:03
got you a little something.
00:58:04
>> Yeah, we did. And also, you know, as you
00:58:06
get older, you know, there's just some
00:58:08
things you just can't watch anymore.
00:58:10
>> Why? What Euphoria? Why
00:58:12
>> I think this has Let's tie it into
00:58:13
Coachella. It's just like there's
00:58:15
there's a language that it's just it's
00:58:18
just too young and too new and hip. And
00:58:22
>> I like how you're bringing out Carlos's
00:58:23
cake to me, but it's going to him.
00:58:26
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:26
>> Well, for the cameras,
00:58:28
>> you guys are also on camera in the
00:58:29
booth.
00:58:30
>> Yeah.
00:58:30
>> Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to
00:58:36
you. Happy birthday, dear Carlos.
00:58:42
>> Happy birthday to you.
00:58:45
>> 38.
00:58:46
>> 39.
00:58:47
>> 39.
00:58:47
>> Make a wish.
00:58:48
>> Wow.
00:58:48
>> Wow. 40 next year, dude.
00:58:51
>> Mhm.
00:58:51
>> I can't believe it.
00:58:52
>> And you know what he said by 40, you
00:58:53
know, he's going to have
00:58:54
>> what?
00:58:54
>> Oh, yeah. I'm going to have hair.
00:58:55
>> He's going to get his hair done.
00:58:56
>> Have hair. Yeah.
00:58:57
>> So, he'll have hair before while he's 40
00:58:58
years old. And those are nuggets, right?
00:59:00
And then we also got you an Airwan
00:59:01
smoothie there from uh Which smoothie is
00:59:02
that? Who's is that? Is that one of the
00:59:03
girls that was at Coachella?
00:59:04
>> The Haley Bieber one.
00:59:05
>> There you go.
00:59:06
>> [ __ ] yeah.
00:59:07
>> Was she there?
00:59:08
>> Yeah, dude. She was
00:59:09
>> Does she sing? Is she a perform? What
00:59:11
does she do?
00:59:12
>> She's Alec or Steven Baldwin's daughter.
00:59:14
>> I know. She's married to Justin Bieber.
00:59:15
I'm saying, does she What does she do?
00:59:16
Is she a singer?
00:59:17
>> Hang. She's a mom. She's a beauty.
00:59:20
>> Before she met him.
00:59:21
>> What are you angry for?
00:59:23
>> Cuz they're saying it like
00:59:24
>> she's a nice person.
00:59:25
>> I'm saying she's so [ __ ] angry for
00:59:27
>> What did she do?
00:59:27
>> Oh yeah. She
00:59:28
>> She's a [ __ ] Al Ball's daughter.
00:59:30
>> She just famous.
00:59:31
>> Yeah.
00:59:31
>> Oh, that's so good.
00:59:32
>> Is that good?
00:59:33
>> Yeah. Hell yeah. Thank you, guys.
00:59:35
>> Dude, I did, you know what I did the
00:59:36
other day when I was in Arizona before I
00:59:38
went to Vegas? I did the Bad Boy
00:59:40
>> the Bad Boy mini bar.
00:59:42
>> I went back to the room, watched movies,
00:59:43
and I ate clear. I ate the entire
00:59:45
[ __ ] mini bar.
00:59:46
>> You were that hungry. Beef jerky, two
00:59:47
bags of chips. I was just like feeling I
00:59:50
was having a night, dude.
00:59:51
>> Done that in our room.
00:59:52
>> It's so fun. Isn't it so fun to clear it
00:59:54
out? Cuz you're like, I might as well
00:59:56
get for the other [ __ ] I was like,
00:59:57
chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah,
00:59:58
absolutely. And then I was like, you
00:59:59
know, I'm being pretty good with these.
01:00:01
>> Yeah. Gummy bears.
01:00:02
>> Gummy bears. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you hate
01:00:04
it when you go to a hotel and there is
01:00:06
no
01:00:06
>> It's a joke.
01:00:07
>> It's a joke. They have a empty
01:00:09
refrigerator. Like you have to go and
01:00:11
>> No snacks.
01:00:11
>> No snacks. Here's the Here's Let's name
01:00:14
the things that are there.
01:00:15
>> Okay. Yeah. All right. There's always
01:00:17
like a um artisan bag of potato chips.
01:00:20
>> Yeah. A brand local. A brand that you a
01:00:22
brand that you don't know.
01:00:22
>> You've never heard of.
01:00:23
>> Yeah.
01:00:24
>> Mama Jenkins Hickory Barbecue.
01:00:25
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like local.
01:00:27
>> Local owned.
01:00:28
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Number two, beef
01:00:29
jerky.
01:00:30
>> Always.
01:00:30
>> Always beef jerky.
01:00:31
>> And another brand that I've never heard
01:00:32
of.
01:00:32
>> Yeah. Another brand you've never heard
01:00:34
of. Right.
01:00:35
>> And it's always in the city that you're
01:00:36
from.
01:00:37
>> Tunics Ranch.
01:00:38
>> Right.
01:00:39
>> Fine.
01:00:39
>> So gummy bears is always another one.
01:00:41
Got to be. Yeah. There's got to be. And
01:00:42
then one of the variations of nuts,
01:00:43
either mixed nuts or or just um or just
01:00:47
uh uh cashew cashews or almonds.
01:00:48
>> Almonds. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a
01:00:50
chocolate covered almond thing
01:00:51
sometimes.
01:00:52
>> I do love those.
01:00:52
>> I do I eat the [ __ ] out of those. So
01:00:54
good.
01:00:55
>> What else do they have there? Um
01:00:57
>> Well, it depends on the class level.
01:00:59
>> Yeah.
01:00:59
>> Cuz sometimes at a high class hotel,
01:01:01
it'll be peanut M&M's, but they'll put
01:01:03
it in a jar.
01:01:04
>> So it'll be like not in the bag, they'll
01:01:07
put it in another jar. Just [ __ ]
01:01:09
Yeah. Like this at the wind.
01:01:11
>> Yeah. They just put it. They just put it
01:01:13
in something else.
01:01:14
>> But and yet you still eat it and it
01:01:16
looks healthier because it's in a jar.
01:01:19
>> And then in the jar better for you.
01:01:20
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know in Hawaii
01:01:22
what they do is they gave me a fresh
01:01:23
fruit of of fruit.
01:01:26
>> Fresh fruit of fruit.
01:01:28
>> Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of
01:01:29
fruit.
01:01:30
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you can get it. And
01:01:31
then when it's through Carlos and um
01:01:33
Gilbert's wife Cindy, right,
01:01:35
>> I get I I always open the refrigerator
01:01:38
there and there's Diet Coke,
01:01:40
>> water, and sugar-free Red Bull.
01:01:41
>> What else do you need?
01:01:42
>> Yeah. So, it's like it's like catered to
01:01:45
me,
01:01:46
>> which I really appreciate.
01:01:47
>> Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. But I think um
01:01:50
I would ra I don't want to be gesture.
01:01:54
>> What if I left a girl in there for you?
01:01:55
>> That That's okay. Good. Now we're
01:01:57
negotiating.
01:01:58
>> Yeah, but she's she's 7 foot2. Yeah.
01:02:00
>> And she weighs 385 lbs.
01:02:03
>> She's a man.
01:02:03
>> It's fine. She's a man. Now, let me ask
01:02:05
you this. When you put your
01:02:07
>> It's back to the gay thing right away.
01:02:09
>> Yeah.
01:02:10
>> Now,
01:02:10
>> I took this in Australia.
01:02:12
>> I was after you cleared out our mini
01:02:14
bar.
01:02:14
>> Passed out and I ate the entire mini
01:02:15
bar.
01:02:16
>> I was so hungry.
01:02:18
>> We came back. I was like, "Let me in
01:02:20
your [ __ ] room."
01:02:21
>> And I ate their whole mini bar and then
01:02:23
I slept in McCone's bed.
01:02:25
>> What did we watch on T? We were watching
01:02:26
a movie. We were watching uh like I
01:02:30
think Fear and Loathing.
01:02:30
>> Oh yeah, we were.
01:02:32
>> Wow. Great.
01:02:33
>> By the way, you see that bag of chips
01:02:34
next to me?
01:02:35
>> Yeah. Gone.
01:02:36
>> Gone.
01:02:37
>> I [ __ ] peeled off everything in your
01:02:39
mini bar and then I charged my
01:02:40
headphones there.
01:02:41
>> Now, how long do you keep the do not
01:02:43
disturb on your door?
01:02:44
>> The entire [ __ ] weekend.
01:02:46
>> So, you don't let them clean your room
01:02:47
one weekend.
01:02:48
>> I don't need it. Just give me new
01:02:49
towels. I just want new towels. Unless
01:02:51
Unless it's if I'm alone.
01:02:54
>> Yeah.
01:02:54
>> If my wife's with me, we get service.
01:02:56
Yeah,
01:02:57
>> but I'm alone. Leave me alone. I keep it
01:02:59
at 65°.
01:03:01
>> Give me new towels. Leave me alone.
01:03:03
>> I'm a service hunter.
01:03:04
>> Oh, you are?
01:03:05
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of those rare
01:03:07
service hunter.
01:03:07
>> You want it all the time?
01:03:08
>> No. What I do is
01:03:10
>> meet you meet them at the bar.
01:03:13
>> You ask.
01:03:13
>> What I get is because my do not disturb
01:03:15
sign is always till 3:00 4 p.m.
01:03:17
>> Yeah.
01:03:18
>> And they stop kind of like they go home
01:03:20
or whatever. So I'll take it off. I'll
01:03:22
go to the front desk and go, "Where are
01:03:24
they?
01:03:25
where are they?
01:03:26
>> And they're like, "We have one on floor
01:03:28
three." And I'll go to three
01:03:30
>> and I'll go to every room to see where
01:03:32
they're cleaning and I'll give them $100
01:03:34
>> to come clean your room.
01:03:35
>> And I go, "I'm in room 819." Great.
01:03:37
>> Right. Clean clean room, but I'm a
01:03:39
service hunter.
01:03:40
>> Okay, let's do the rules then.
01:03:41
>> What are the rules?
01:03:42
>> If you have the ser if you have service
01:03:44
come to your room every day and you're
01:03:46
doing a three-day stint, Friday night,
01:03:47
Saturday, Sunday night, right? Or
01:03:49
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, whatever.
01:03:51
>> How much money do do you leave money
01:03:53
every day or at the end of your stay? Do
01:03:54
you leave a tip at the end of your stay?
01:03:56
And hold on before you answer.
01:03:57
>> Okay. I already know the answer, but
01:03:58
>> I know you do, but listen. But it's But
01:04:01
you're gonna hear why I Pete,
01:04:04
>> I'm listening to you.
01:04:04
>> Pete,
01:04:05
>> Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Do you leave
01:04:06
every night money every day when they
01:04:08
clean or do you leave it at the end of
01:04:09
this day?
01:04:10
>> I'd leave it at the end.
01:04:10
>> End of the day. And what do you leave,
01:04:12
Pete?
01:04:13
>> 100 bucks.
01:04:14
>> 100 bucks. No matter what, right?
01:04:16
>> Yeah, that's the tip.
01:04:17
>> What do you do, Mone?
01:04:19
>> Uh,
01:04:19
>> he asked me for money. Go on, Carlos.
01:04:21
>> Cash.
01:04:22
>> What do you do? You do every night.
01:04:24
>> Oh, no. And the end.
01:04:25
>> The end.
01:04:26
>> Okay. How much
01:04:27
>> you leave?
01:04:28
>> 200.
01:04:29
>> No, he doesn't.
01:04:30
>> He's a liar.
01:04:30
>> He's a liar.
01:04:31
>> I just eat your nuggets.
01:04:32
>> Don't eat your nuggets.
01:04:34
>> Look at me in the face. Yeah.
01:04:35
>> 20 bucks.
01:04:35
>> Yeah. Open up your pocket.
01:04:36
>> I bet you leave 20 bucks.
01:04:37
>> I didn't even know you had to tip them.
01:04:39
>> See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you
01:04:40
lie?
01:04:41
>> What the [ __ ] do you mean you don't know
01:04:42
you have to tip them?
01:04:43
>> They have a job.
01:04:45
>> Oh, I see who you voted for.
01:04:47
>> I thought you only tip
01:04:48
>> I know who you voted for. I thought you
01:04:50
only tip waiters
01:04:52
>> just that's the only people you tip in
01:04:54
public.
01:04:54
>> Okay.
01:04:55
>> I tip Here's the thing. If I get up
01:04:57
early to get the breakfast
01:05:00
>> in in the room.
01:05:01
>> No, I go out
01:05:02
>> downstairs.
01:05:02
>> Yeah. I get the breakfast. Correct.
01:05:04
Right.
01:05:05
>> I take it off and and if I go back up
01:05:07
and they already cleaned it, I leave no
01:05:09
tip
01:05:11
>> because I still have to service hunt
01:05:12
then.
01:05:12
>> Correct.
01:05:13
>> Right. Yeah.
01:05:13
>> Yeah. I mean, and service hunt takes a
01:05:15
long time sometimes. Right. Right. But
01:05:17
if they're if I catch them in the act of
01:05:20
cleaning, right, then I tip.
01:05:21
>> Got it.
01:05:22
>> Right. But when I actually service hunt,
01:05:24
I tip.
01:05:25
>> Get it. Got it.
01:05:26
>> But if it's already clean, then no need.
01:05:28
>> No need. Right.
01:05:29
>> Yeah. That's my thing.
01:05:30
>> I do it if I I I only do it at the end
01:05:32
because of this.
01:05:33
>> How do you do it?
01:05:34
>> I don't want people coming and going. So
01:05:35
there's always a little notepad with a
01:05:36
little pen always on a desk somewhere
01:05:38
and I write, "Thank you so much." And
01:05:40
then if I've acquired something like
01:05:41
this weekend, I left
01:05:43
>> that we got a swag bag of stuff I just
01:05:45
didn't want. I was going to bring it
01:05:46
from a cone, but all the other things
01:05:47
I've given him are where
01:05:49
>> in the backseat of your [ __ ] car.
01:05:51
>> I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag.
01:05:53
Throws them in his [ __ ] Accord in the
01:05:55
back.
01:05:55
>> Yeah.
01:05:55
>> Very nice, dude.
01:05:57
>> I'm going to not give you [ __ ] anymore.
01:05:58
>> I have backups in case I need
01:05:59
>> I'm not going to give you [ __ ] anymore.
01:06:00
You have too much free [ __ ] So then I I
01:06:02
had a backpack, a bottle of tequila,
01:06:04
like hats, some clothes, like a like
01:06:07
cool throwover [ __ ] you know, like and
01:06:09
I wrote free if you'd like it.
01:06:12
>> Yeah. bottle of tequila of yours, a nice
01:06:13
new backpack, and some baseball caps.
01:06:15
>> Yeah.
01:06:16
>> And then I And
01:06:16
>> some cash.
01:06:17
>> But how much do I leave?
01:06:18
>> 20 bucks.
01:06:20
>> 20 bucks.
01:06:22
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:22
>> No.
01:06:23
>> 100.
01:06:24
>> I leave a hundred.
01:06:24
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:25
>> I leave 100 every time. Unless
01:06:27
>> Yeah.
01:06:28
>> If it's my wife and I
01:06:29
>> Yeah.
01:06:30
>> And I make we make a mess every day.
01:06:32
Like there's [ __ ] all over the [ __ ]
01:06:33
place cuz women for some reason set off
01:06:35
a a bomb in the [ __ ] bathroom.
01:06:38
>> I I'll leave them a little bit more.
01:06:40
I'll do like a buck and a half. You know
01:06:41
what the Ritz does?
01:06:42
>> Uhuh.
01:06:44
>> They wash your clothes and fold them.
01:06:46
>> You have to pay for that.
01:06:47
>> No.
01:06:48
>> Yeah. Yes, you do.
01:06:49
>> I did?
01:06:49
>> Yes.
01:06:52
>> We did. I'm sure we did it on tour.
01:06:53
>> Yeah. I I don't No. When I in Hawaii,
01:06:55
>> Bobb's like, "You're not going to
01:06:56
believe this."
01:06:56
>> I put all my clothes in the washer
01:06:59
thinking that later at night I was going
01:07:00
to wash them. By the time I got home,
01:07:03
they had washed it, dried it, and folded
01:07:05
it.
01:07:05
>> Yes. Laundry services at the Rich
01:07:06
Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kabo or
01:07:08
Wiki, are very EXTRA COST. OH [ __ ]
01:07:11
>> YEAH, YOU PAY for that
01:07:12
>> and I gave the money.
01:07:13
>> Yeah. Well, and then you tipped on top
01:07:14
of the money.
01:07:15
>> Okay. Before the internet though. Okay.
01:07:17
Before we had internet access, right?
01:07:19
>> 40 40 years ago. Yeah.
01:07:20
>> 40. Yeah. Yeah. I used to live leave.
01:07:22
This is what I used to leave. DVD
01:07:24
players.
01:07:26
>> What? In your [ __ ] hotel room?
01:07:27
>> In my hotel room. I would write a note.
01:07:29
This is your DVD player.
01:07:30
>> What would you just go bought a DVD
01:07:32
player? Cuz you'd buy it at Best Buy to
01:07:33
watch movies in the weekend.
01:07:35
>> Not movies.
01:07:35
>> Porn.
01:07:36
>> Yes.
01:07:36
>> Got it.
01:07:37
>> Did you leave some of the porn in the in
01:07:38
there or No. No, I would take the porn.
01:07:40
They're discs,
01:07:41
>> right?
01:07:42
>> Yeah. I would leave with the disc, but
01:07:43
leave the DVD player.
01:07:44
>> By the way, he could have bought porn
01:07:46
from the TV for like 50 bucks.
01:07:48
>> Yeah, but they're fuzzy. And there's
01:07:49
five options.
01:07:50
>> I know.
01:07:50
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:07:51
>> Carlos always finds an opportunity to
01:07:53
look up, even though he knows what porn
01:07:54
DVDs look like.
01:07:55
>> Yeah. Yeah. He'll look it up. Yeah.
01:07:56
>> He just wants to Google it.
01:07:57
>> So, I would So, I would go to the local
01:07:59
>> Yeah. Stop. I would go to the local, you
01:08:01
know, the porn store. I'd buy five or
01:08:02
six discs. I'd go to Best Buy, get a DVD
01:08:05
player. I've also left two Xboxes.
01:08:09
>> That's so expensive.
01:08:10
>> It's so expensive. Yeah,
01:08:10
>> cuz the DVD players probably get for 20.
01:08:12
>> Well, no, because my intention was
01:08:13
always I'm going to put in my a
01:08:14
suitcase, but then I try to put in the
01:08:16
suitcase and it won't fit. So, I said,
01:08:17
oh, [ __ ] it. You know what I mean? And
01:08:19
I'll just write a note. Here's a brand
01:08:21
new [ __ ]
01:08:22
>> Here's a new Xbox.
01:08:23
>> Xbox for you.
01:08:25
>> And they must have loved it.
01:08:26
>> How much was Xbox in 2007? It was $500.
01:08:29
>> Yeah. Yeah.
01:08:30
>> Oh my god.
01:08:31
>> And that's what I would get paid for the
01:08:32
gig, too. By the way, $500 back then is
01:08:34
like six grand today. That's crazy,
01:08:37
>> dude. This was a crazy moment I had at
01:08:39
the airport here today. Before I came
01:08:40
home, I went to the bathroom when we
01:08:42
landed.
01:08:42
>> Yeah.
01:08:42
>> And there was a man in the in the room
01:08:44
ch uh changing his bab baby's diaper.
01:08:47
>> A
01:08:47
>> And I'm in there taking a piss. And then
01:08:48
I And he turns to me and I go, "Hey,
01:08:50
man." He's like, "Hi." And then another
01:08:52
guy walks in to go by me to go piss as
01:08:54
I'm washing my hands. And he's like,
01:08:55
"Oh, baby." And the guy's like, "Yeah."
01:08:57
And he's like, "How old's the baby?"
01:08:58
He's like real fresh. It's like it was
01:09:00
like two months or something like that.
01:09:03
And he was like, "Oh, so cute." And I'm
01:09:04
washing my hands. And then this guy's
01:09:06
done peeing. Then he goes next to the
01:09:07
man and like stands there and like
01:09:09
watching him change the baby.
01:09:11
>> And he was like, "So cute. So cute." And
01:09:13
I could feel the dad being like, "Mhm.
01:09:16
>> Mhm.
01:09:16
>> I know what that is."
01:09:19
>> What if he's a new dad and trying to
01:09:21
figure out how to put
01:09:22
>> He doesn't know how to do it.
01:09:23
>> Diaper on.
01:09:23
>> Yeah. Internet, Google it. Don't stare
01:09:25
at another man changing his baby.
01:09:27
[ __ ] insane. like boiling the egg for
01:09:28
me.
01:09:29
>> We Googled it. Now you know.
01:09:31
>> Yeah. Sometimes the internet doesn't
01:09:32
know.
01:09:32
>> No, the internet always knows. The
01:09:34
internet literally knows.
01:09:34
>> But Chad HBD told me to do it wrong.
01:09:36
>> No. No. You just did it wrong. We follow
01:09:38
the directions perfectly.
01:09:39
>> Okay. Well, anyway, although Although
01:09:41
I've never I've although I've never um
01:09:44
put a diaper on a baby before. I already
01:09:46
know how to do it.
01:09:47
>> You never changed your friend's kids?
01:09:49
>> No, but I I assume I already know how to
01:09:52
do it because I know how the body works.
01:09:53
I know there's adhesives on the end.
01:09:55
>> Yeah. You're not an idiot.
01:09:56
>> Yeah, I'm not an idiot. Right. So yeah,
01:09:57
I don't know what the explanation was.
01:09:59
>> It was so weird, dude. Even I was wanted
01:10:00
to turn and be like, "Dude, get out of
01:10:01
here. What are you doing?"
01:10:02
>> But Kyla's baby where we're having we're
01:10:04
in the house.
01:10:04
>> Yo, you've never changed Kilo's baby.
01:10:06
>> No, but he said something that I almost
01:10:08
cried.
01:10:09
>> The baby?
01:10:10
>> Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating
01:10:12
and I was kind of across the table and
01:10:14
he looks at me and he goes, "Bobby."
01:10:17
>> Wow.
01:10:18
>> And he knows my name.
01:10:20
>> Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, we fig Yeah.
01:10:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. And it was just like and I
01:10:24
went in and kissed his forehead and he
01:10:26
and then he does this cuz he gets shy
01:10:29
>> but he knows it's you. Yeah.
01:10:30
>> All right, King. Sign us out. Go ahead.
01:10:31
It's your birthday.
01:10:32
>> Thank you for being a bad friend.
01:10:34
>> Cute.
01:10:46
Woo.
01:10:51
Woo.

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This episode stands out for the following:

  • 70
    Funniest
  • 70
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  • 65
    Best overall
  • 60
    Most memeable

Episode Highlights

  • Coachella Experience
    A humorous recount of attending Coachella, featuring unexpected performances and celebrity encounters.
    “Grandma Madonna came out!”
    @ 04m 48s
    May 11, 2026
  • Coachella Surprise
    Carlos surprises with a Coachella gift for his birthday.
    “I got you Nou.”
    @ 15m 41s
    May 11, 2026
  • Unpleasant Sushi Experience
    Eating sushi during an EDM festival was chaotic and uncomfortable.
    “It was the most unpleasant human experience.”
    @ 17m 52s
    May 11, 2026
  • Investing Insights
    A discussion on the importance of starting to invest early.
    “You can start investing with whatever you got right now.”
    @ 18m 49s
    May 11, 2026
  • Identifying Professionals
    A keen observation on spotting professionals in casinos.
    “It's so clear. Like, it's so obvious what girls are out there.”
    @ 26m 10s
    May 11, 2026
  • The Cost of Company
    The shocking reality of paying for companionship in Vegas reveals hidden costs.
    “$1,000 is just to hang with her.”
    @ 33m 46s
    May 11, 2026
  • Turning Full Gay
    A humorous twist on identity and friendship emerges as a joke about transformation.
    “I'm going to turn you full gay.”
    @ 39m 44s
    May 11, 2026
  • Fashion Irony
    The least fashionable guy is in charge of fashion, a hilarious twist.
    @ 43m 45s
    May 11, 2026
  • Queen's Burden
    Being the queen comes with its own set of challenges, including daily beatings.
    @ 50m 40s
    May 11, 2026
  • Birthday Celebration
    A heartfelt birthday song for Carlos, marking a milestone year.
    “Happy birthday to you.”
    @ 58m 36s
    May 11, 2026
  • Service Hunter
    A discussion on hotel service and tipping etiquette, revealing personal habits.
    “I don't need it. Just give me new towels.”
    @ 01h 02m 49s
    May 11, 2026
  • A Baby's Recognition
    A baby looks at Bobby and says his name, creating a heartfelt moment.
    “He knows my name.”
    @ 01h 10m 14s
    May 11, 2026

Episode Quotes

Key Moments

  • Coachella Surprises04:48
  • Investing Reflection18:34
  • Gambling Night30:10
  • Artist Pass42:20
  • Spanish Transition44:14
  • It's like code55:51
  • Mini bar stories59:40
  • Baby Recognition1:10:14

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

Related Episodes

Bobby is MIA feat. Annie Lederman, Trevor Wallace & His Korean Replacement | Ep 139 | Bad Friends
Bobby is MIA feat. Annie Lederman, Trevor Wallace & His Korean Replacement | Ep 139 | Bad Friends