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The Producers' Biggest Mistake | Ep 138 | Bad Friends

October 17, 2022 / 01:18:51

This episode features Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee as they perform a comedic trial involving Carlos Herrera, with Ellen DeGeneres as his attorney. They discuss various humorous scenarios and evidence related to Carlos's alleged misdeeds.

The episode opens with Andrew promoting his New Year's Eve shows at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts. Bobby and Andrew then introduce a mock court session where they humorously play the roles of judges and attorneys.

Throughout the trial, they present absurd evidence and witness testimonies, including video footage and photographs, all while maintaining a comedic tone. The discussions touch on relationships, loyalty, and the absurdity of the accusations against Carlos.

As the trial progresses, the humor escalates with ridiculous arguments and playful banter between the hosts. They also reflect on their friendships and the dynamics of their relationships, particularly in the context of their comedic careers.

The episode concludes with a heartfelt moment where Andrew expresses his appreciation for Bobby, emphasizing their friendship and the bond they share as co-hosts.

TL;DR

Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee host a comedic trial involving Carlos Herrera, featuring absurd evidence and playful banter about relationships and friendship.

Episode

1:18:51

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hey bad friends I am gonna be performing

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on New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve

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the 30th and the 31st at the Wilbur

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Theater in Boston Massachusetts Boston

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coming out and see me if you're in the

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area come see me if you got plans on New

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Year's Eve come out New Year's Eve Eve

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30th and 31st andrewsantino.com to get

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the tickets Boston I can't wait to

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celebrate New Year's Eve and Eve Eve

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with you andrewsantino.com hey you guys

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um obviously we have merch we got merch

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it's back and these shirts have sold out

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and we

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made some more we made some more shirts

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for you guys we restocked these favorite

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shirts This Is Me and Bobby uh close

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talking we've talked about this before

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that's me and Bobby just talking real

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quick oh it says coffee mug that's how

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it says the mugs baby you guys liked

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them we sold out we made a couple of

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more for you guys so you just go to

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badfriendsmerch.com or look down in the

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description below we'll have the link to

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the shirts so go pick up some new merch

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at badfriendsmerch.com

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are bad friends who are these two idiots

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[Music]

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or something we're bad friends all rise

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okay

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the bad friends court is now in session

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honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable

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Judge Andrew Santino presiding please be

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seated

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be seated I don't know be seated I'm not

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Judo judge Lee judge Lee Edo judge Lido

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and you're he's and to George Washington

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Andrew George Washington

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please be seated interesting interesting

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I'm just getting the care interesting

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very good to be here

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um welcome to

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um this court case I'm very

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I'm very excited and I'm going to do my

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due diligence and my um oath

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two of my the office

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and I am going to really speculate and

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analyze and I'm going to contemplate all

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the ideas

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and the weight of it all well really

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good to be here I'm jejito what is your

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name judge George Washington I have

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wooden teeth

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that's all I know I don't know how would

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he I don't know what he does what he

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sounds like keep going wonderful to be

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here

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judging and presiding amongst this case

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let's bring well the defendant what is

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Ellen DeGeneres doing here

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whoa I didn't know we're doing voices

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she's the attorney for the man on trial

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Carlos Herrera please approach

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interesting very good

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is that a bomb

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yeah a bulletproof vest in case

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somebody decides to tattoo Unabomber

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what the [ __ ] is going on here may I see

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the paperwork put your hands on the

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Bible

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do you solemnly swear to tell the whole

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truth all of the truth and nothing but

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the truth so help you God I do are you

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Catholic yes God bless

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are you sure you're Catholic yes I'm

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Catholic from your hairline it looks

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Jewish

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I didn't say that okay did I say that

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yeah the hairline seems

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do you have anything to say for yourself

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prior to starting any words for the

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judges

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um

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it's just that you guys take empathy on

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me and go lightly on me

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death penalty next

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objection ah thank you we're in

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California

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I think you're gonna have to see I I

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don't think you can do death penalty

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this lawyer is good

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thank you

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for the education Scottsdale Community

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she's got our College that's SCC right

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fighting artichokes amazing okay Miss Mr

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generous Mr generous yes your client is

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accused of mouth [ __ ] Bobby's EX

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not guilty

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well interesting because we have uh

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footage footage video proof okay of your

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dewy lips

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may actually that it doesn't seem

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can the court Define you're greasy

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you're greasy

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[Laughter]

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can you handle chewy lips for me can I

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handle it yeah I can I mean that's I'm

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okay I'm not saying it but I can handle

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it okay

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what is what is the what is your defense

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my defense is uh if I think the cases

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that uh Carlos is guilty and uh messing

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around with kalila uh but yeah I thought

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you were married

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am I his lawyer am I high right now no

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excuse me are you are you the prosecutor

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or the defense attorney I'm defending my

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client and saying he's not guilty in

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that he can he can mouth [ __ ] whoever he

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wants oh oh I like

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I like that that's like James Bond but

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for [ __ ]

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he has a license to Kill but license the

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mouth [ __ ] yeah hi interesting may I see

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that certificate

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oh my certificate for well then he has a

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license to mouth [ __ ] anybody correct uh

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that's the case Mr generous please show

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us the license

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I would like to get that license today

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in court

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we've registered she's filing for her

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license I'm filing for a license

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interesting file denied denied okay

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because you know it's been a year that

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he has been you know I mean you knew

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this court date was going to happen to

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you and today's the day you filed I

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found out about this an hour ago

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wonderful wow what an attorney

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when did you graduate 2008 oh high

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school or college

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I'm sorry Elementary School what's in

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the briefcase what is in your office

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bring out the good stuff

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some documents should help her now let's

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see in my briefcase is nothing like the

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basis of this case

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empty Hollow order this is a waste thank

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you

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wow wow interesting so that's your

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opening statement

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and that uh Carlos should be able to uh

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mouth [ __ ] whoever he wants um so no we

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have here like evidence against the

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acute do we have a prosecutor though

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yeah who's that we are the prosecutor so

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we

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brought Carlos into the bathroom one

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second

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um we couldn't find an American I have

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no idea why we didn't it's bad yeah it's

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really bad but look we'll Deport him

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when this is over I know but there's

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there's an actual American that's the

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other prosecutor maybe can he be the one

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does he even know American laws order

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[ __ ] greasy I will control my client

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I apologize thank you thank you

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the problem with the other guy is he

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doesn't speak English well

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it's bad

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the fat one listen to what he says go

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ahead listen to him for a second I don't

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do English good see oh It's just tough

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to listen to it's difficult go on fancy

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boy

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well I'm very disappointed on Carlos uh

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because we brought him in the into the

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bathrooms family

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and he is still Bobby's girlfriend from

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him and that's the reason they broke up

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and we have hard evidence that that's

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the case

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and I want to present exhibit a to the

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core right now but we'd love to see it

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and this has started

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a year ago

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this is uh November 16th

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2021. your screen's not on so I don't

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know if we're gonna show it but yeah

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man this this prosecution is slacking

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real bad is that the prosecution is the

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team behind this podcast

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I really I believe that the TV was off

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nothing's on maybe the funniest thing

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I've ever seen

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yes all right here we go here we go okay

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let's see the evidence that you've

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brought into the court Jesus so just

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based on uh

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well I don't know I'm not familiar with

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this podcast but we have to the left of

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their um it seems like a foreigner in

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the white it seems like an only fans

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correct performer correct

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is that a little girl oh wait a child to

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the left is a little girl yeah child a

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child the little one the middle one is a

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um only fans only fans and then we have

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a foreigner on top of what's that on the

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ground who what seems that's not me so

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well that was quick to quick to jump

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well prosecutor who's the person on the

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bottom on his back so kalala is on top

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of Carlos and then how do we know that's

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Carlos

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I mean I I honestly I really wouldn't be

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able to identify how do we have proof

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that that's current video

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well let me go to exhibit V then

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I'd like to motion to throw that out of

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court while it's throwing this out

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admissible because we have no idea

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admissible

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they might lose well a modulator oh here

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we go oh no oh okay this happened in

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Hawaii

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December 21st 2021 got it what's

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Happening Here It seems as if there's a

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fan taking a picture with kalila

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that's Carlos no you know what I I do

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identify the the I know the hat is

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deceiving but if you look at that little

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you know that little strap at the Hat

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got it and above that region yeah

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literally no hair I see that now yeah

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that's incredible so that is that you Mr

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Herrera

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oh my lawyer asks answer for me

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um we're not uh you're not

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cross-examining my witness right now so

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we're just we're not cross-examining

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we're just asking you as a lawyer is

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that okay I was asking if you were

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crossing just making sure first of all

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we're the judge we can [ __ ] do

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whatever anything we want yes your

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honors

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respect Mr generous okay thank you Mr

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generous

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Mr Herrera is that you in this photo I

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don't recall the year after kovid if

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that's 2021 we'll have to I I Need a

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Doctor based on the photograph that you

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see is that you

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yes okay ah very good by the way you

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could have still stuck with don't recall

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excuse me sorry so that is you sir and

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that woman to your right is whom

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to my right

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um that's a camera to my right

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no I don't want the attitude of the

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attitude

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take a second also what he doesn't

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realize is uh it's my right in the

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picture and you're right in the in

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physically your rights who is on your

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physical right there that looks like a

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Hawaiian girl that looks like Santa

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Claus well okay I know I'm the judge and

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I'm impartial but that is kalilah

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because I dated her for 10 years oh yeah

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I thought that was Santa Claus okay what

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is uh what is kalila Claus seem to be

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doing with her her left hand I believe

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she is helping that guy in the green

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shirt uh pull up his pants you pull up

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his pants yeah she's just doing it um

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from a different angle well it's

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interesting because the pants obviously

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look like they're already on they're

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already on I would like to say that we

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can't see if there's a belt on or not

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order order I've been a judge for 47

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years never in my life I've had I've

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seen such erroneous miscommunication of

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misinformation this woman is cupping

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your penis yes or no sir

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no sir I respect the court I'm not

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trying to get it it's a yes or no answer

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no

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objection your honor hey go ahead Ellen

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I would like to say that it is clear

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that my client here has as he said had

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suffered some memory damage due to coven

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and it's very clear that she is she is

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touching him in this picture he doesn't

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even seem to be aware if we maybe saw a

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little bit after this photo and how he

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reacted it seems like he is a suffered

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some sexual assault abuse and suffered

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memory damage thank you I mean I can

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accept that argument because dude

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they're doing a really good great job

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and look at it right when she touches no

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because that's right there on impact

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yeah an impact right so we don't know

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the reaction after that he could have

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been like whoa right exactly yeah so

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this is

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you guys are doing a really terrible

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evidence as far as right now goes he's

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innocent he's innocent at this point at

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this point I've seen nothing okay I'll

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bring it see exhibitsy okay well that's

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definitely not it's not Carlos that's

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nothing that's not the gentleman yeah

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that guy is

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that's it that is George Harrison yeah

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that's George Harrison and that's Yoko

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correct yeah so if John Lennon's here

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right hey if John Lennon was here and he

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was accusing George Harrison of you know

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fine fine but now but they're both dead

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yeah prosecution whom is this photo

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claiming to be this is uh kalala and

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Carlos on a live stream show

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yeah I don't I've dated colada for 10

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years that is not her that's definitely

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Yoko no that is George Harrison any more

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evidence to present to us evidence for

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us to shoot it out of the sky yeah

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yeah interesting oh I don't know okay oh

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my God all right is that a video or a

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photo this is all photograph evidence

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unfortunately we do agree that that is

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Carlos could be

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perhaps who the [ __ ] is on the bottom we

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have no idea no idea well can I call a

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witness no well who's who's the witness

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the judge uh George Washington he's

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there oh sure she was watching I didn't

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realize George Washington you are in the

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photo interesting so yes that is not you

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that's my brother that's your brother

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yes that's my brother Tim Washington Tim

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whoa that's Tim watch yeah that is team

00:14:17

Washington I can speak on behalf of my

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brother okay he looks disgusting okay

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correct he is disgusted by the behavior

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Zoom down this is I'm gonna help the

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prosecution yeah zoom in on the tattoo

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on the person on the ground's leg ankle

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does that look familiar JoJo it does but

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whom has a tattoo similar to that my

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ex-girlfriend khalila you guys are doing

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I'm doing all the [ __ ] work for you

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guys this is the [ __ ] you should be

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doing I know God damn it but that's why

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I'm bringing you in I know you're back

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he's the job you [ __ ] okay wait

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wait JoJo Lee no what we see here is

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Carlos perhaps on on a woman that might

00:15:01

have a tattoo similar to your ex yes do

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we know that that's her

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well I mean it's you know it is possible

00:15:08

that somebody would also have that

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tattoo easily easily what does the

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tattoo say it says um Carlos

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in the Philippine language which is

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interesting do you have anything to say

00:15:20

for this yeah objection yeah I would

00:15:22

like to ask the date of this photo

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please

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the days this is the date of this photo

00:15:28

is by the way if these [ __ ] morons

00:15:30

just did a video it would have proved

00:15:31

August it it's bad still shots August

00:15:34

30th 2022. they took bad still photos

00:15:37

it's the worst evidence this genuinely

00:15:40

would be thrown out yeah the mistrial

00:15:42

you [ __ ] dude what's your last photo

00:15:44

that you guys have it better be good

00:15:46

better be [ __ ] this better be the one

00:15:48

this better be the sinking Stone that's

00:15:50

pretty good oh that's a pretty good

00:15:53

pretty damning yeah that seems damaged

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that one's pretty guilty ten years I

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mean I'm guilty I mean

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yeah I don't like the defense go ahead

00:16:03

may I ask the date of the breakup

00:16:07

she loves dates

00:16:09

um JoJo Lee do you remember

00:16:11

what's the date now October October 11th

00:16:14

georgito I would say July 1st July so

00:16:18

this was at least I mean August 30th

00:16:21

this was maybe even two months after the

00:16:24

breakup

00:16:26

wow too much after the backup yes this

00:16:28

is August 30th wow exactly interesting

00:16:30

October 4th 20th but that's not what

00:16:32

he's you know October 14th he's been on

00:16:34

trial

00:16:35

for um cheating on me but that's amazing

00:16:41

don't do it right he's on trial for

00:16:46

kissing my girlfriend even after I broke

00:16:48

over there even though like him and I

00:16:50

are supposed to be Bros bros don't do

00:16:51

that Bros don't do that yeah Bros

00:16:54

I have respect for you we've known each

00:16:57

other for all this time you know I am

00:16:59

going to respect the fact that I'm not

00:17:00

going to kiss your girlfriend what he

00:17:02

did there is objection ex-girlfriend my

00:17:06

ex-girlfriend what he did there was um

00:17:08

if you ask any guy that we know in

00:17:11

comedy or not that is a No-No and that's

00:17:15

a red flag no no and that that is a

00:17:18

friendship Destroyer right is it not no

00:17:21

but this guy piping up with no no it's

00:17:23

just it doesn't just click shut the [ __ ]

00:17:25

up you're fired you're [ __ ] fire we

00:17:28

got the trial

00:17:29

I'd like to bring some evidence for it

00:17:32

leave that photo up please leave it up

00:17:35

that's important for the course so we

00:17:38

are hearing that Bros do not cheat on

00:17:42

each other right I would like to bring

00:17:45

up some evidence

00:17:47

of about time Bobby

00:17:50

yeah go ahead having

00:17:53

um some uh romantic times yeah with

00:17:56

people that aren't kalila yeah oh wow if

00:18:00

we could um show the first evidence

00:18:01

please

00:18:05

and I mean that is a lot more than

00:18:09

anything we've seen today judging to

00:18:11

leave whom is this with you jokoy

00:18:13

correct yeah a man a man

00:18:17

yep it doesn't matter the question would

00:18:20

be this it doesn't matter man woman it

00:18:22

doesn't matter this would matter if

00:18:24

Carlos was [ __ ] jokoy at one point

00:18:29

yeah yeah I believe he has at some point

00:18:31

Have you ever [ __ ] your court at any

00:18:33

point no okay or any kind of

00:18:35

relationship no okay if you say yes

00:18:37

Jesus

00:18:42

next photo good call Carlos

00:18:46

next photo what else do you got up there

00:18:49

oh well here is this damning one oh it's

00:18:52

your brother again first of all George

00:18:54

Washington

00:18:55

or that's Tim Washington George can I

00:18:58

tell you something yes Tim and you yes

00:19:01

this is a very Mis this is a very

00:19:03

misleading this is out of context yeah

00:19:06

you needed ChapStick and my brother Tim

00:19:08

told me he had a little bit left on his

00:19:10

lip yeah you got a little bit of

00:19:12

chapstick from him because earlier my

00:19:13

breath smelled okay and he had one stick

00:19:16

it to come chapstick before that I'm

00:19:19

just gonna give you an example I'm just

00:19:21

kidding myself I'm just giving example

00:19:22

right this is how him and me and

00:19:24

[Laughter]

00:19:27

timel and he had already had one piece

00:19:29

of in his mouth and he split the gum

00:19:31

with me and I stuck it in my mouth

00:19:33

objection so this is a ChapStick gum

00:19:36

exchange that was Jefferson can I remind

00:19:38

the court that also is this is this is

00:19:41

this what's the racial intent of the

00:19:43

faces behind us in the background

00:19:44

exactly we don't Rook all that

00:19:50

that seems that seems yeah that scene

00:19:53

that seems really racist what's the

00:19:56

intent there what is the intention

00:19:58

obviously that's Photoshop

00:20:00

because that's no you went to a wife

00:20:02

that's an IHOP right and IHOPs don't

00:20:05

have the decor so what is the intent

00:20:07

there hmm

00:20:12

both of these both of you two both the

00:20:14

defense and the prosecution is really on

00:20:16

thin ice with us now

00:20:18

oh again with Tim

00:20:21

it's just a lot of this we can speed

00:20:24

again

00:20:25

I remember do you remember this attempt

00:20:28

so here's the deal Gemini well we travel

00:20:31

together

00:20:33

when I travel together right we um we

00:20:37

sometimes want to watch movies but we

00:20:39

want to watch different movies so what

00:20:41

you don't see what you cropped out of

00:20:43

this photo is on both sides of us

00:20:46

is

00:20:49

I'm watching poor identity he's watching

00:20:53

minority minority important porn

00:20:54

identity Tim did tell me they did that

00:20:57

because we're not that we're looking at

00:20:59

it right and so we've all been there but

00:21:02

why are you naked next photo next photo

00:21:05

people need to be naked photos Mr

00:21:08

generous people need to be naked here we

00:21:10

go so another one of you and Tim I told

00:21:13

you we got a lot of these

00:21:21

there we go

00:21:26

what is going on in this photo with Tim

00:21:30

with my brother Tim I need to talk to my

00:21:32

brother

00:21:33

this is bad what is happening I'll tell

00:21:36

you what happened all right yeah what is

00:21:38

going on Jim his wife is Korean his wife

00:21:42

is Korean is it not yes that's true

00:21:43

right I came over for some eggs

00:21:47

yes I came over for some eggs right yeah

00:21:49

and so I walk in the front door and I

00:21:52

have no idea and your brother Tim why is

00:21:54

Tim have all that um the pillows always

00:21:57

prepared too for what is that where he

00:21:59

sleeps in the middle yes

00:22:01

of his home so I walked in with the eggs

00:22:04

dropped the eggs oh it looks like you

00:22:06

dropped some eggs

00:22:10

right I get on my knees then his wife

00:22:13

took a picture took a photo objection

00:22:16

yes I know that rug this is this studio

00:22:20

that's whiskey Ginger rug hey hey hey

00:22:22

hey hey

00:22:33

[Applause]

00:22:56

running mate Rick Caruso they're also

00:22:58

Brothers he has a whiskey Ginger

00:23:01

next photo please next photo there's so

00:23:04

much more to talk about in that I've

00:23:05

seen nothing so far nothing also can I

00:23:07

remind the court that the judging okay

00:23:10

okay okay okay that by the way yeah that

00:23:13

could be kalila or that could be Carlos

00:23:16

that could be Carlos this is erroneous

00:23:18

yeah erroneous thrown out next photo

00:23:20

okay but if it is Carlos oh okay

00:23:27

[Laughter]

00:23:32

yeah yeah this is drug use definitely my

00:23:35

drug years

00:23:36

whom is that gentleman that judge either

00:23:38

Lee is kissing that actually looks like

00:23:40

George Washington

00:23:43

if you think about it an imitator of

00:23:45

myself yeah next photo next photo this

00:23:47

is all that's the last photo we have

00:23:49

some damaging evidence something that

00:23:51

cannot be denied okay okay so we hire

00:23:54

other than the photo right it's on the

00:23:56

screen

00:23:59

could you please button your shirt all

00:24:01

the way up we're in the courtroom not at

00:24:03

a strip club thank you the behavior is

00:24:05

just disgusting thank you I appreciate

00:24:06

that I'm getting hot we're gonna get in

00:24:08

trouble you didn't disclose this so This

00:24:10

evidence just came in did you just hear

00:24:12

him he's like I'm getting hot he's so

00:24:14

gross

00:24:15

wait what do you guys are about to

00:24:18

excuse me

00:24:22

it's too damaging I didn't want to

00:24:25

disclose this but you guys forced me

00:24:27

okay this is so stupid this is so stupid

00:24:29

no

00:24:30

Mr rosende speed up with the evidence

00:24:33

immediately otherwise this court is

00:24:34

going to be adjourned I heard a pi

00:24:37

what what rfpi oh he hired a pi a

00:24:40

private investigator okay I love it yeah

00:24:42

wow

00:24:43

this is what

00:24:45

evidence shows okay

00:24:48

imagine how bad of a court case this

00:24:50

would really be safe

00:24:54

person like Judge Judy this is so

00:24:56

[ __ ] bad but it's all that

00:24:59

[Music]

00:25:02

I got an idea

00:25:05

foreign

00:25:14

let's go through all them I mean yeah

00:25:16

serious no honest let's [ __ ] the judge

00:25:18

said wait a minute what the [ __ ] is [ __ ]

00:25:20

mrera Herrera what is happening as this

00:25:22

plays out let's describe what's really

00:25:24

going on oh

00:25:26

I do remember seeing Oh man

00:25:33

oh my God

00:25:36

come on

00:25:40

oh Mr Herrera what what what

00:25:45

it's like they know the camera

00:25:49

no we had no idea are you arm wrestling

00:25:51

Mr Herrera and whom is winning oh oh go

00:25:54

back

00:25:56

one more

00:25:58

go back

00:26:01

[Laughter]

00:26:04

my case rests continue the photographs

00:26:08

oh

00:26:30

yeah they seem staged

00:26:33

to you on please

00:26:35

that's it that's all that's it yeah yeah

00:26:39

and when you look directly both into the

00:26:42

camera

00:26:43

actually got headshots yeah I told you

00:26:46

not to show that one

00:26:48

[Laughter]

00:26:58

[Music]

00:26:59

of the fact that fancy Vehicles

00:27:04

four feet away

00:27:06

you even [ __ ] up this assignment

00:27:10

oh my God yeah they take a pictures of

00:27:13

it

00:27:13

[Laughter]

00:27:17

so you admit Mr Herrera that this is a

00:27:20

true you're on a date you're on a

00:27:22

private date and you caught the private

00:27:23

investigator no I want that scratch from

00:27:25

the record

00:27:26

oh I have tears in my [ __ ] eyes

00:27:29

Mister you know

00:27:31

you are not guilty

00:27:38

that is one of the funniest I'm crying

00:27:43

that's one of the funniest things I've

00:27:44

ever seen in my life that you hired a

00:27:47

private investigator he's four feet away

00:27:51

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00:28:41

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00:29:14

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it just we looks weird on my body you

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00:29:25

yeah and but true classic whenever I

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[Music]

00:30:56

mine is cold as ice

00:31:00

oh you do know it

00:31:03

yeah yeah wait how do you know it that's

00:31:05

not a line

00:31:07

but um I'm glad that we got Carlos off

00:31:09

trial by the way yeah that's nice

00:31:11

finally listen if I'll be honest with

00:31:14

you if anybody that I know was going to

00:31:17

want to date kalila I would let you do

00:31:18

it because she's not going to want to

00:31:20

[ __ ] you okay

00:31:21

yeah you know what I mean but it's like

00:31:23

even if she did it would be a big laugh

00:31:25

I'd enjoy it we could hang out yeah you

00:31:29

know and um

00:31:31

play with the dogs together excuse me

00:31:33

play with the dogs play dogs with you

00:31:37

okay cool yeah you play dogs together I

00:31:40

would play with Bobby's dogs like if I

00:31:42

dated yeah if I dated not like my

00:31:44

players are gonna roleplay I wouldn't be

00:31:47

a [ __ ]

00:31:48

um Chihuahua what how'd you know I was

00:31:51

gonna say that what else could it be

00:31:53

you'd be and what is he what is he I was

00:31:55

gonna say Yorkshire Terrier which is

00:31:57

like the wiry hair I'm something like

00:32:00

with wiry hair like a hairless cat yeah

00:32:03

Sphinx yeah what that's you Yorkshire

00:32:07

Terrier oh yeah that'd be me I love

00:32:09

those things are they cute yeah

00:32:11

Yorkshire Terriers oh my God

00:32:15

bro dude I was watching The Great

00:32:18

British Bake Off I've been watching it

00:32:20

and it's so funny because they were

00:32:21

talking about one of the couples and

00:32:22

taking a walk with their dog and we call

00:32:24

them wiener dogs you know dachshunds

00:32:25

yeah you know what they call them what

00:32:27

sausage dog oh yeah yeah yeah he's like

00:32:30

he's walking with his boyfriend and

00:32:31

their sausage dog Ron yeah and they

00:32:33

named it the normal name it was so cute

00:32:35

why don't we say sausage why are [ __ ]

00:32:38

British Indians so good at [ __ ]

00:32:40

baking Oh weird what Indians

00:32:43

what how many there's one Indian woman

00:32:44

on this but in every I've seen every

00:32:46

single season from season with zero well

00:32:47

you gotta have one because they're in no

00:32:49

they always go to either win the [ __ ]

00:32:51

thing or they get to the final I mean

00:32:52

they're just so good at it Middle

00:32:54

Eastern people are good at it Middle

00:32:55

Eastern people are good yeah they're

00:32:56

good they know how to bake yeah she's

00:32:58

great I mean they're all great that girl

00:33:01

the first girl he won it yeah one year

00:33:03

yeah that dude's the king look at him

00:33:05

look at him he knows it too yeah he's

00:33:07

like I'm a [ __ ] bacon King yeah he's

00:33:10

like an engineer or something and he's

00:33:11

Indian in England you know what do you

00:33:13

watch that show no you don't watch The

00:33:15

Great British Bake Off no I haven't it

00:33:20

it's so good it's great it's it's a it's

00:33:23

I I honestly think and I want to see

00:33:25

something crazy that in terms of because

00:33:28

I don't watch anything wholesome

00:33:30

what are you talking about what do you

00:33:31

mean like I'm not a wholesome guy like

00:33:33

everything I watch like I saw like I

00:33:35

said Hellraiser earlier and I'll watch

00:33:37

stuff like horror movies or you know

00:33:39

some violence sometimes I'll watch like

00:33:41

a Marvel movie but like in general I

00:33:43

don't do like Disney or wholesome TV

00:33:46

like I've never seen

00:33:48

um Two and a Half Men is that a one yeah

00:33:51

that's one the guy with eight yeah

00:33:55

but my point is is that but this is the

00:33:57

I this is one of my favorite shows of

00:33:59

all time and what I like about it it

00:34:01

makes me feel like I'm normal yeah like

00:34:03

oh I I do want to I think I long I think

00:34:07

I long dipping that oh my god do you

00:34:10

bake no I long to be like to wake up you

00:34:13

know I have this fantasy I can't believe

00:34:15

I'm saying this

00:34:16

I have this dream this reoccurring dream

00:34:18

and I've had it for a long time even

00:34:19

before I met kalila where I live in the

00:34:21

Midwest and I see green Rolling Hills

00:34:24

yeah where what state I don't know where

00:34:27

right right but there's not a lot of

00:34:29

houses you know I mean but like it's a

00:34:31

white house with blue trim right yeah no

00:34:34

fans you just see green Rolling Hills

00:34:36

right and I'm laying in bed and I wake

00:34:39

up and it's like seven and I wake up to

00:34:40

the smell of

00:34:42

coffee the smell of coffee right I hear

00:34:45

Peter patter in the you know the little

00:34:47

pitter patter you know what I mean

00:34:49

animals it could be yeah I never get I

00:34:52

never leave

00:34:53

you sit in bed the whole time the whole

00:34:55

time your fantasy is pretty close to

00:34:57

reality no no but what happens in a

00:34:59

different location yeah yeah but what

00:35:00

happens is I look out the window and

00:35:03

there's I see a body of a woman never

00:35:04

the face

00:35:06

right what does the body look like

00:35:08

what color lizzo

00:35:10

it's like literally yeah no like Ada

00:35:15

it's all skinny black man yeah yeah and

00:35:18

um you know those those clothes lines

00:35:20

yeah yeah This Woman's doing that and I

00:35:23

can hear her giggle because I look out

00:35:24

the window and she knows that I'm there

00:35:25

right

00:35:27

I'm just picturing you as the York the

00:35:29

little puppy the whole time

00:35:31

you're describing like a dog's day yeah

00:35:33

yeah

00:35:36

you're the mind of a dog that's you yeah

00:35:39

yeah yeah maybe that's me but my point

00:35:41

is is that I just imagine her hanging up

00:35:43

all these clothes and then getting to

00:35:44

your underwear and just being like Oh my

00:35:46

God

00:35:49

switches to me in a car with kids I

00:35:52

don't ever see the kids but I'm going to

00:35:54

soccer practice I mean and there's all

00:35:57

these things that and I'm in this

00:35:58

Midwest town I have a normal life

00:36:01

and then I wake up in Hollywood yeah and

00:36:05

then you know man you're better I kill

00:36:06

it yeah I definitely kill it that's your

00:36:09

second life in your mind

00:36:10

yeah but maybe it's happening in an

00:36:12

alternative Universe maybe but I also

00:36:14

when I look at British Bake Off there's

00:36:17

there's a tone to it

00:36:20

right a tone a tone a feeling that I

00:36:24

have of like oh this is this I could do

00:36:27

I could have done this no what no what

00:36:31

do you mean to be a become a baker no

00:36:33

what the tone of like people not saying

00:36:37

[ __ ] every other word right people go

00:36:39

being encouraging yeah like you know it

00:36:42

wasn't good it was a little dry you know

00:36:43

you didn't the the

00:36:45

prove you didn't proof it long enough or

00:36:48

bake it long enough you know and um but

00:36:51

I like the flavors right like they're

00:36:53

positive if I did a baking show it'd be

00:36:56

like this sucks

00:36:58

great bad friend's Bake Off yeah but my

00:37:02

point is there's just a feeling about it

00:37:03

I just a wholesomeness though you wish

00:37:04

you were another person

00:37:06

yeah I wish I was different a little bit

00:37:07

man because it's like um you're not

00:37:09

happy with what you are I'm happy with

00:37:11

what you are and some of these girls man

00:37:13

sometimes you piss me off but some of

00:37:15

these girls know they're like you know

00:37:16

they think that I'm like the devil or

00:37:18

something man

00:37:28

killer and could you destroy two

00:37:29

different things whatever coochie killer

00:37:32

yeah

00:37:33

the Beast of the night you know

00:37:35

dry up you dry them out they call you

00:37:38

desert man you come around and they just

00:37:41

yeah no no

00:37:46

I don't think that's what he meant

00:37:48

that's not what I meant I think that's

00:37:49

exactly no no it Shivers in satisfaction

00:37:56

do a little smile on that too and pop

00:38:00

your lips a little bit that's what I see

00:38:03

dude right

00:38:09

dog it's like

00:38:11

she she lures me in with

00:38:15

sexy DMS you know what I mean we're not

00:38:18

a badge not brass but like silhouettes

00:38:20

of her body this and that right and this

00:38:23

goes on for a long time brah you know so

00:38:25

I reciprocate or I reciprocated

00:38:28

reciprocate means you sent her something

00:38:29

back yeah but like funny photos I mean

00:38:33

like a silhouette and how to do this

00:38:34

yeah with those ones did you know her or

00:38:36

was it just I didn't know her oh and you

00:38:38

sent her a picture back yeah and then

00:38:40

then

00:38:42

I don't want to tell you where but I fly

00:38:44

to go see her right this country

00:38:48

yeah okay

00:38:50

you think I flew to [ __ ] Moscow you

00:38:52

were in the Philippines two weeks ago no

00:38:54

okay as far as you'd think which is

00:38:57

halfway around the world yeah yeah

00:38:59

pretty far

00:39:01

thest point of yeah yeah it's far yeah

00:39:06

right and then I um

00:39:09

you know we I go there and she I go

00:39:11

there to hook up but like she just

00:39:14

leaves right away we have a date we make

00:39:16

out a little bit she leaves and I make

00:39:18

all these plans to see her this and that

00:39:20

and then all of a sudden she just writes

00:39:21

me this thing like I'm done I don't want

00:39:23

to see you anymore but you're the one

00:39:25

that [ __ ] sent the thing so she got

00:39:28

what she needed though what a kiss from

00:39:31

booby Lee yeah yeah but my point is is

00:39:33

that you know so and I I feel like I'm

00:39:35

at a point where I'm like

00:39:37

yeah it's not and I think I'm done it

00:39:40

makes me feel unwanted and ugly well you

00:39:42

put yourself out there it didn't work

00:39:44

the first time you got to keep trying

00:39:46

dating's hard that's what it is yeah I

00:39:50

think you want it to be a lot faster but

00:39:51

just take your time no I mean I'm I'm

00:39:53

seeing this other girl in L.A

00:39:55

right now that just leave me out no but

00:39:57

it's a Cry Me a River you're like this

00:39:58

one girl I flew to you yeah and there's

00:40:00

40 other women I'm talking to right now

00:40:01

but here's what it's how many women are

00:40:04

on the on the on your dossier right now

00:40:05

I planted about 30 seats

00:40:08

and they have to grow and that's that's

00:40:11

my new Theory you plant the seeds and

00:40:14

you just wait it you water them

00:40:16

and some of them grow some of them don't

00:40:17

but just know what there might be a

00:40:19

water shortage you might get a couple of

00:40:20

weeds some of those things might not

00:40:21

Sprout exactly you might have to break

00:40:23

get a whole new Garden right in fact you

00:40:25

might have to plant different kinds of

00:40:26

seeds maybe seeds with dicks

00:40:29

[Laughter]

00:40:31

but my point is is that it's been

00:40:35

um a voyage for me

00:40:37

speaking of planting seeds do you miss

00:40:40

uh like do you long to have kids

00:40:43

I talked to like Paulie and he's like

00:40:45

getting older and he's like I wish I had

00:40:47

kids and well I've been pushing him to

00:40:49

have kids since he I met him yeah I

00:40:51

always thought that that would like

00:40:53

um anchor him yeah he's never gonna have

00:40:55

kids imagine that guy having kids he

00:40:57

dreams about it but do you dream about

00:40:59

that yeah I dream about it yeah yeah

00:41:02

I I believe it's gonna happen for me I

00:41:04

think so you guys are lucky you can wait

00:41:06

so long you can too now kind of look at

00:41:09

Natasha just had uh didn't she have one

00:41:11

do they have two kids or one kid she has

00:41:13

one yeah that was a few years ago but

00:41:16

she was when she had it she was 40

00:41:18

yeah when you see howlies yeah do you

00:41:22

see them get treated uh differently on

00:41:24

the island

00:41:25

you're there enough do you see that they

00:41:27

that the local whites are yeah because

00:41:30

they have they they do speak in Pigeon

00:41:32

hey buddy because they know how to speak

00:41:33

they do the pigeon and dude it's

00:41:36

interesting I so we had this kid on

00:41:39

tigerbelly and he's like a local guy

00:41:41

right and I literally it was

00:41:43

mind-boggling I literally went

00:41:45

so you you have Freddie Mercury's mouth

00:41:49

because what do you mean brother yeah

00:41:51

and I go

00:41:52

what is this your teeth protrude he goes

00:41:54

who's Freddie Mercury brother

00:41:57

and I started singing him so he

00:41:59

literally did not know how old was this

00:42:01

man 26 years old now that might be a

00:42:03

little bit too young he might not know

00:42:04

but then I go have you heard of The

00:42:06

Beatles he goes no brother no come on

00:42:09

this is what I'm I am not [ __ ]

00:42:11

kidding what does this man do for a life

00:42:13

he's a social media star what yeah and

00:42:16

check this out

00:42:18

literally Hey Jude for him

00:42:21

no he had never heard it and he teared

00:42:24

up that's beautiful brother he's never

00:42:27

heard it boggled my mind and because

00:42:31

Jules had never heard of The Beatles

00:42:32

well that's okay she's yeah but my point

00:42:34

is that there are people out there that

00:42:36

just don't know [ __ ]

00:42:37

yeah but that's crazy it's crazy to

00:42:39

think that you're an American he's an

00:42:41

American right and he doesn't know who

00:42:44

the [ __ ] Beatles it's in that

00:42:46

mind-boggling Blissful ignorance though

00:42:47

would it be nice to find the Beatles now

00:42:49

how crazy would that be to find them now

00:42:51

oh my God I know if you especially if

00:42:52

you're into music like you literally for

00:42:55

a year you're just you know I mean Abby

00:42:57

Road you know I mean like in yeah it's

00:42:59

kind of like this first time you got

00:43:00

stoned right and you and then you you

00:43:01

try to replicate getting high the rest

00:43:03

of your life yeah and it never works out

00:43:04

that's all I do I know you do yeah you

00:43:07

chase it I got high 20 years ago yeah

00:43:09

I've been chasing it ever since don't

00:43:10

you want to get sober man I've been

00:43:11

sober with you no but now no how are you

00:43:15

out there man but things aren't bad

00:43:16

enough for me they're not bad so I don't

00:43:18

but emotionally are they bad no I think

00:43:20

I'm okay what are you using uh just weed

00:43:23

every day and sometimes I take Xanax if

00:43:26

I'm stressed out I'll take mushrooms

00:43:27

sometimes yeah like drink socially

00:43:29

usually don't have more than three you

00:43:32

don't have control no we did we've done

00:43:34

we got high cut down a couple times

00:43:36

together yeah yeah never again

00:43:38

what we don't know one day at a time I

00:43:40

know but today no yeah keep the Habit

00:43:42

today the day no today that they know

00:43:44

today that they know yeah but honestly

00:43:47

do you want to put stuff away no oh then

00:43:50

[ __ ] yeah I feel fine it's fine do

00:43:52

you know why I got I'm sober because

00:43:53

today was a good example I wake up and

00:43:57

there's six guys in my backyard

00:43:58

okay and they're building things

00:44:02

right there's polls fences these are

00:44:05

these contraptions

00:44:06

and they're crying you know they're just

00:44:09

people sawing [ __ ] like what the [ __ ]

00:44:11

he's like you wanted this

00:44:13

I go what is it they go we're building a

00:44:16

cat sanctuary

00:44:18

and I go I literally I go what

00:44:22

yeah it's gonna you know they told me

00:44:24

how much it's so expensive you ordered

00:44:26

the cats actually when I was high yep

00:44:29

when I was high I went I was just like I

00:44:31

wanna Sanctuary oh my God you know what

00:44:35

I mean I should have been building you

00:44:36

for [ __ ] yeah yeah and they were like

00:44:38

really we don't yeah

00:44:40

because you could turn this into this

00:44:42

right so they're just building this

00:44:43

thing so you have that now at your house

00:44:45

they're still building it now

00:44:47

tell me how much it costs

00:44:49

be honest 25 Grand oh my [ __ ] god for

00:44:52

a cat sanctuary can I move in there

00:44:56

and it's like and then there's a

00:44:58

gigantic tree I go don't chop the tree

00:44:59

no because he's like no you told us to

00:45:01

work around the tree

00:45:03

so they're building this thing it's it's

00:45:05

crazy

00:45:06

is that insane do you have cats no

00:45:11

I don't have any cats yeah but it's a

00:45:14

sanctuary it's a sanctuary if they ever

00:45:15

want one no I do have three cats if they

00:45:17

want a seek Asylum they're just passing

00:45:20

in the neighborhood they want to see

00:45:20

this island they can't and the reason

00:45:22

why I did that was because there's a we

00:45:25

have a litter box in the living room

00:45:28

what

00:45:33

that's the reason no but I had built I

00:45:36

spent a bunch of money building a little

00:45:38

at the end of my the front end of my

00:45:40

house a little doorway into a white

00:45:43

Shack where I put this it's outside and

00:45:46

one of my cats don't like going out

00:45:48

there for some reason right so she

00:45:51

decides to pee anywhere in the living

00:45:53

room unless there's a litter box there

00:45:55

so she's peeing on this [ __ ] twenty

00:45:57

thousand dollar friend uh Italian couch

00:45:59

I got a couple years ago so piss on the

00:46:02

couch yeah this Blood okay I throw on

00:46:05

that cat right down the hill yeah piss

00:46:06

blood right so I had to put a [ __ ]

00:46:08

out of stress or something so now I

00:46:11

guess when I was high I was just like

00:46:12

watching like British Bake Off High uh

00:46:16

you know I did I need a couch out here

00:46:18

maybe the cat was on their period not

00:46:20

peeing blood

00:46:22

yeah

00:46:27

anyway that's the reason why I'm sober

00:46:30

because I make decisions like that you

00:46:32

know bad decisions are you up to making

00:46:34

bad decisions

00:46:35

um

00:46:36

sometimes I wake up and I don't remember

00:46:38

that I watched like three hours of

00:46:40

reality TV the night before like that's

00:46:42

not bad yeah it's not bad yeah yeah but

00:46:45

I'm not seeing blacking out

00:46:46

Consciousness is kind of weird it is a

00:46:48

little weird but that's like if I was

00:46:49

stressed out and I took half a Xanax but

00:46:51

I'm not like seeing escorts and doing

00:46:53

coke and I don't even want to do Coke

00:46:55

because of the fence I don't know

00:46:57

well I haven't seen one in a long time I

00:46:59

know but you know much about that world

00:47:00

yeah I mean I try to teach you about the

00:47:03

world

00:47:04

and I'm not shamed I'm not ashamed you

00:47:07

want to get an escort now no I was just

00:47:09

curious to see how it works I would

00:47:10

never do it

00:47:12

never one day at a time yeah I I can

00:47:15

never say never I who knows what's gonna

00:47:16

happen in the world but my point is is

00:47:17

that maybe tomorrow no not tomorrow okay

00:47:19

no but I was just asking how does it

00:47:21

work and he tells me would you ever get

00:47:24

one

00:47:25

again would you get one again yeah I

00:47:28

haven't done it in so long that I just

00:47:31

don't have the desire honestly I think

00:47:33

that because of only fans the escorts in

00:47:35

La aren't as hot anymore that all the

00:47:38

hot ones are making all like so much

00:47:40

money off the internet I have a question

00:47:41

I'm so glad you brought that up good for

00:47:43

them did you hear what happened with Ari

00:47:47

no no

00:47:50

no he loves us yeah what

00:47:54

are we allowed to say this on the show I

00:47:55

want to do it is it private business no

00:47:56

did it get robbed by it you hear me out

00:47:58

okay this actually happened okay

00:48:01

where's my phone

00:48:03

because there's a photo I wanted to show

00:48:04

you

00:48:05

it's worth it no okay it's [ __ ] worth

00:48:08

it okay

00:48:09

he's dating like a porn star listen

00:48:12

no he is he told me I mean he told me

00:48:15

personally oh I know listen

00:48:17

listen and learn

00:48:18

so I'm on [ __ ] Instagram

00:48:21

and I see uh booty so I click on the

00:48:24

thing this other girl yeah and she I've

00:48:26

realized that she has the only fan so I

00:48:28

go to only fans right I subscribe was 31

00:48:31

I don't know what it is right subscribe

00:48:32

to the only friends right and she has

00:48:34

sex videos on there right I start

00:48:36

jerking off to one of the six videos and

00:48:39

as I'm jerking off

00:48:41

I get this photo

00:48:43

oh yeah that's her and that's his penis

00:48:48

oh my God you you jacked off to Ari

00:48:52

Manis oh that's Ari's girl

00:48:55

it was fun though right very good

00:48:58

but my point it made me angry because

00:49:01

it's like

00:49:02

who's funnier me or Ariana's

00:49:06

Bobby no just come on man okay

00:49:10

the level though is different his [ __ ]

00:49:14

is bigger than yours that's what it is

00:49:15

well and that'll always win

00:49:17

I'll send you a picture of him with the

00:49:20

girl that you were jerking off to that's

00:49:21

kind of tight and he told me that's my

00:49:22

penis because that's the only one only

00:49:24

one that she uses how did they know that

00:49:26

you were jerking off because I subscribe

00:49:27

she sees who subscribes her all right

00:49:29

right so my like you know my photo comes

00:49:31

out and he knew too he knew right and

00:49:34

just the timing and then they sent me

00:49:36

this and they're both giggling and I'm

00:49:37

I'm subscribed so how many times have

00:49:41

you watched since then none I

00:49:42

unsubscribed that's the moment so I lost

00:49:44

31 bucks which I think he owes me call

00:49:48

them up

00:49:49

tell him he owes you some money from

00:49:51

what happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

00:49:52

or alcohol that's big money that's big

00:49:55

money yeah yeah

00:50:01

hey Bobby how are you you owe me 31

00:50:04

bucks

00:50:06

one dollar yeah oh why because he said

00:50:10

yeah

00:50:12

what

00:50:14

well I don't think I owe you 31 if

00:50:17

anyone owes you 31 it's the person you

00:50:20

subscribe to

00:50:21

interesting but the person that used to

00:50:24

I don't think anyone does you subscribe

00:50:26

to an account you saw a girl you thought

00:50:29

she was a cutie you didn't do your

00:50:30

research yeah I understand that but it's

00:50:34

like here's the deal right let's say I'm

00:50:35

watching I go watch I think I'm buying

00:50:38

tickets to The Little Mermaid right and

00:50:41

while I'm watching The Little Mermaid

00:50:43

a penis flies into the screen that's not

00:50:45

what I paid for

00:50:47

what do you think of the penis

00:50:52

it's pretty good

00:50:54

right

00:50:57

it's really good is it thick it's yes

00:51:00

thank you I appreciate that you know

00:51:02

what I appreciate it I'm gonna give you

00:51:03

a 31 dollars yeah yeah really good

00:51:06

anyway thank you all right well you owe

00:51:09

me 31 bucks next time I see you okay

00:51:11

okay okay bye-bye

00:51:14

faster fall is officially here when the

00:51:16

new season comes a new routine but if

00:51:18

you're like me you get sick of the same

00:51:19

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00:51:34

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00:51:36

just cozing up at home factor is fresh

00:51:38

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00:51:40

yeah yeah you can always feel taste when

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00:54:05

because I always had a thing with him

00:54:08

what do you mean like a gay thing no

00:54:10

what oh that was always first of all if

00:54:13

there's anything it's between him and

00:54:14

Tim Washington yeah yeah yeah we've seen

00:54:17

we have that evidence okay right but

00:54:18

I've always had a little

00:54:20

um

00:54:20

oh there's always been kind of like a

00:54:22

tension between him and him and I what

00:54:24

do you mean like a competitive do you

00:54:26

see yourself in him and that's why no I

00:54:28

don't see myself in him now he sees

00:54:30

himself in his girlfriend

00:54:33

that's exactly what it is yeah you you

00:54:36

hit it on that juice I see myself in his

00:54:39

girlfriend yeah but

00:54:45

um and you I'm happy for him she's

00:54:47

gorgeous so I have been linking up with

00:54:50

on dating apps with only fangirls but

00:54:55

obviously they say during the things

00:54:56

like I'm not going to give up my you

00:54:58

know

00:54:59

give up my profession which I wouldn't

00:55:01

want a girl to go you know you got to

00:55:03

quit only fans for today I mean there's

00:55:05

no way I would do that I follow your

00:55:06

dreams my main point is that

00:55:09

it's not that I would be jealous I think

00:55:10

my thing is is that because my tools

00:55:14

right aren't as big as the tools that

00:55:16

she's using while she's working I feel

00:55:19

self-conscious about it don't I'm sure

00:55:21

you're I'm sure you'll fit the bill in

00:55:23

your own way it's like stand up you

00:55:25

can't compare yourself to the other

00:55:26

people you've got you've got people

00:55:28

offer a lot yeah and those sticks are

00:55:30

insanely large like you can't compare

00:55:32

your tool to their like giant black

00:55:35

tools

00:55:37

like the porn star girls you can't

00:55:38

compare that I you know what I equated

00:55:40

to this

00:55:41

sometimes NFL Stars football players

00:55:45

will go home and play Madden yeah right

00:55:48

so they play the real thing at work yeah

00:55:50

and sometimes they do a little side

00:55:51

thing at home and they like them both

00:55:53

just the same they're both the same

00:55:54

different games no less real that's

00:55:56

right

00:55:59

laughs

00:56:00

you got this Bobby that's true that's

00:56:03

true Paulie says he runs into you at the

00:56:04

Korean spa all the time and you run away

00:56:06

from him

00:56:07

maybe he could help you get some babes

00:56:09

no and the reason why I run into him I

00:56:11

run away from him is because he's

00:56:12

embarrassing

00:56:15

I'm with him that's embarrassing it's

00:56:17

the things he says out loud that I can't

00:56:19

be around oh like Chinese yeah they're

00:56:21

obviously he yeah he sings a song

00:56:24

Chinese people are the most beautiful

00:56:28

people in the world out loud is he wrong

00:56:31

there's no Chinese people there's no

00:56:33

Koreans so what are you just saying his

00:56:35

preferred pronoun I know but it's like

00:56:37

imagine you're you don't know who he is

00:56:39

right you're an old Korean man I'm

00:56:42

business but don't weasel

00:56:44

[Laughter]

00:56:51

what's another word

00:56:55

yes

00:57:05

you know my favorite

00:57:09

always good with Baldwin

00:57:12

yeah wow yeah I think they like them I

00:57:16

think yeah but also he touches them well

00:57:19

that they don't like no but they don't

00:57:20

say anything it's weird yeah it makes he

00:57:22

touches everybody so I imagine him does

00:57:24

he touch you no different probably not

00:57:26

an inappropriate no but he'll like like

00:57:27

pinch and stuff yeah yeah he's like a

00:57:30

weird guy huh yeah yeah it sounds like

00:57:32

you think he's a weird guy I like him I

00:57:34

love I love him he's a brother I think

00:57:36

he's yeah he's great yeah but you guys

00:57:38

have a different relationship

00:57:39

yeah he he he discovered me

00:57:42

so um used to blame no yeah I owe him I

00:57:47

owe him and his family so [ __ ] much

00:57:50

because I was just a kid at La Jolla

00:57:52

imagine and they used to go down down

00:57:54

there

00:57:55

yeah that's where I started and they um

00:57:58

you know I was working as a doorman in

00:58:00

La Jolla Polly goes in on Saturday

00:58:03

nights they I would always host one show

00:58:05

and I only had five minutes he saw me

00:58:07

perform and he walked up to me goes this

00:58:10

is 1996.

00:58:12

he goes dude you're so weird out there

00:58:15

like oh yeah

00:58:17

open for me and that's it changes

00:58:20

everything that's awesome wow

00:58:22

he's a sweet man no just that time

00:58:25

period it was that time period there was

00:58:27

so many dreams and you had so many you

00:58:30

know fantasies and like everything was

00:58:31

so exciting it all came true

00:58:34

I know

00:58:35

Whoa stop that's where I'm at now don't

00:58:38

ruin it but it doesn't it all came true

00:58:40

but it wasn't what I expected yeah there

00:58:43

was so much struggle

00:58:46

and and pain yeah but you're there now

00:58:48

so you know I still feel it shut up

00:58:52

you're emotionally uh you're getting

00:58:55

real emotional lately I think it's like

00:58:57

a new you're finding a new you now that

00:58:59

you're single I like it he's reflective

00:59:02

I've been very reflective and um are you

00:59:06

a piece are you at peace

00:59:08

what does that mean are you at peace

00:59:10

yeah I know what it means but I'm trying

00:59:11

to think about what well then why'd you

00:59:12

[ __ ] ask me what it means when I ask

00:59:15

that I'm trying to think about the

00:59:15

answer oh well then take some more time

00:59:17

yeah yeah what do you mean by that no am

00:59:20

I at peace no like look here's something

00:59:23

that we we can address on the show

00:59:25

uh we had kalila fill in for you I want

00:59:29

to talk about this everybody uh

00:59:31

everybody who watched it that had

00:59:33

something negative to say

00:59:35

um didn't understand that [ __ ] Vibe

00:59:38

because I think what you can communicate

00:59:40

it better but

00:59:41

the idea that people have are throwing

00:59:44

stones at kalila is wild because also

00:59:48

they'd be like way to go Santino like

00:59:50

like I had anything to do with it listen

00:59:52

I was in a jam I was out of town and and

00:59:56

this production that I was working on

00:59:57

they needed me for extra days I couldn't

01:00:00

get back in town in time and she filled

01:00:03

in for me last minute she did a great

01:00:04

job and she did a great job at number

01:00:06

one number two on people to know that

01:00:09

she's always going to be a part of my

01:00:10

life and I love her like she's family

01:00:13

she is family I love her I love her so

01:00:16

[ __ ] much careful [ __ ] yeah yeah

01:00:18

right

01:00:20

she's she is the only person that I can

01:00:24

rely on 100 percent

01:00:27

she um we're still like children like we

01:00:30

when we see each other it's just like

01:00:32

there's a connection and

01:00:34

same a family a family kind of VI no the

01:00:38

jokes are not going to work right now

01:00:46

when people attack her online right

01:00:50

um listen I feel great about a

01:00:53

relationship right it was a good run it

01:00:56

was a great run I don't feel resentment

01:00:58

I feel like it it only helped me on

01:01:02

different levels you know emotionally

01:01:05

um my place in the world you know what I

01:01:08

want I mean she brought a lot of great

01:01:10

things out of me and I um

01:01:12

and whenever I see people say negative

01:01:14

things online about her it really breaks

01:01:16

my heart it's like you're attacking me

01:01:17

in a weird way well here's what's

01:01:19

interesting two things one I think

01:01:21

people forget that like we're all this

01:01:22

is like a family we're like a family

01:01:24

together yeah and obviously when we're

01:01:26

[ __ ] around and joking around with

01:01:27

storyline on the show that's half of the

01:01:29

fun of the show

01:01:30

and the other thing is I think what's

01:01:31

[ __ ] about people that view a

01:01:33

relationship in one little Viewpoint

01:01:35

it's like when somebody retires from

01:01:37

playing a professional athlete

01:01:40

and all they're thinking about is the

01:01:43

one game that they played poorly is as

01:01:45

if that's going to accomplish their

01:01:47

entire career there was ups and downs

01:01:48

there was great things and bad things

01:01:50

and trades and blah blah and to me it's

01:01:52

like that's what that relationship was

01:01:54

to there was a lot of UPS there was

01:01:55

Downs there was learning curves there

01:01:56

was changes as people and you grew and

01:01:59

then when it was over

01:02:00

it was still a good thing it helped both

01:02:02

of you in different ways and that's the

01:02:04

the mature thing that I will give you

01:02:06

got you a lot of credit for is that you

01:02:08

ju you you took what you

01:02:11

got from it on a positive note and the

01:02:14

negative stuff you let go away because

01:02:15

now you're both [ __ ] moving forward

01:02:18

in life yeah I think that's how the

01:02:21

[ __ ] mature way to look at all that

01:02:22

stuff which you did very well I also

01:02:25

wanna I like what you said about like

01:02:27

the family aspect of it man this is our

01:02:30

we're all like you know I've heard a

01:02:32

couple of people go why are you opening

01:02:33

for Tom Segura this week I know you

01:02:35

called me and you said that people were

01:02:37

like saying that and I'm like yeah but

01:02:38

it's like I don't look it that way it's

01:02:40

like he's family yeah I'm gonna have fun

01:02:42

with him you know at his show

01:02:44

and that's how I see it it's like we you

01:02:46

know when we see each other you know on

01:02:48

the road or at the clubs or when we call

01:02:50

each other there really is a camaraderie

01:02:52

and a connection and um we'll I think

01:02:56

that's why

01:02:57

the East Coast and West Coast scene is

01:03:00

different in the sense that we never had

01:03:01

this kind of connection now everyone

01:03:04

we're growing all together we bring this

01:03:07

little one in you know because we want

01:03:08

to help her because we see that she's

01:03:09

the Next Generation I mean this is how

01:03:11

it all works yeah yeah so what an

01:03:14

incredible show for the audience you and

01:03:16

Tom Segura yeah it's amazing it's an

01:03:18

insane yeah yeah yeah but I think that's

01:03:20

what people need to remember and keep in

01:03:21

mind as much fun as we want to have on

01:03:23

the show and we always do

01:03:25

yeah and people keep hitting me and Rudy

01:03:27

against each other and I just want to

01:03:29

say that she is my family now too I love

01:03:32

that girl and it's not a war this is all

01:03:34

for fun and by the way when we play into

01:03:36

the war that's even the funny the

01:03:37

funnier thing is that's the whole point

01:03:38

of it that being said Carlos is still

01:03:41

well yeah on our [ __ ] list yeah yeah but

01:03:44

that that's just the way that that's the

01:03:45

way it's going to be I was proven not

01:03:46

guilty though that's true yeah no I was

01:03:48

there I was at I was on the trial my my

01:03:50

uh my brother was the judge but I do

01:03:53

have to say that I do love you man

01:03:55

and um I really do there's something

01:03:57

about you that like I just trust cool

01:04:00

and um you know I love you know I went

01:04:02

to the Philippines with

01:04:04

Andreas oh my God and I you know there's

01:04:08

just a working relationship and a you

01:04:10

know and I want to get to know you

01:04:11

better but I feel like we grew up a

01:04:13

little bit closer no yeah what's wrong

01:04:15

with you man what I'm trying to [ __ ]

01:04:18

what is [ __ ] wrong with you I'm

01:04:19

trying to bond with you and you're like

01:04:20

with your moist Spanish lips and you're

01:04:23

like googly-eyed what right I just

01:04:25

[ __ ] take it in man I'm trying I

01:04:28

think people can't understand an

01:04:30

amicable breakup I know in my life I've

01:04:32

seen so many people like even parents

01:04:33

dating people and break it and then you

01:04:35

just never talk to each other again yeah

01:04:37

so I think a lot of that outrage is like

01:04:39

from their personal experience so you

01:04:40

guys I think are setting a really cool

01:04:42

example of how two people can break up

01:04:45

but still move on and be friends and be

01:04:48

cool yeah people I know dudes are like

01:04:50

well we don't [ __ ] anymore so I'm not

01:04:51

seeing it's like that was your

01:04:53

relationship only [ __ ] only [ __ ]

01:04:56

yeah you know what I mean it's like no

01:04:57

it's about being with somebody and

01:04:59

intimate being intimate and sharing your

01:05:02

dreams and your frustrations and your

01:05:05

fear your trauma and your fears and all

01:05:06

this stuff right and you're you develop

01:05:08

a friendship and a relationship like you

01:05:11

know I'm friends with Sarah Hyland still

01:05:12

because we had we only did it for a

01:05:14

couple years but I love that girl and we

01:05:17

she when bad things happen to me Sarah's

01:05:20

one of the first people to call me and

01:05:22

go are you okay people just want stuff

01:05:24

black and white yeah people want things

01:05:26

to be cut and dried this way or that way

01:05:28

and that's never been the case but it

01:05:31

that you know also it's your [ __ ]

01:05:33

life it's my life it's your [ __ ] life

01:05:35

yeah and it's been a good one it's a

01:05:37

great one it's not over yet well we do

01:05:39

want to announce something

01:05:45

what if that was it well you're gonna

01:05:47

live yeah we found out that it's just

01:05:49

toe cancer yeah it's tokenso yeah uh I'm

01:05:52

glad that you're back for a heartbeat

01:05:55

we're both busy bees and so busy you're

01:05:57

going to New York to go film so in the

01:05:59

future if we do have other people

01:06:00

feeling on the show that's because we're

01:06:02

both [ __ ] trying our best to bring

01:06:03

you guys episodes every [ __ ] week and

01:06:05

it's in November and December I've

01:06:07

cleared my I'm doing I'm doing Esther's

01:06:10

movie in November but then I'm in town

01:06:12

did she write a movie she co-wrote her

01:06:15

with Nick gooson she did oh the goose

01:06:17

the goose

01:06:19

great people can you say who's in it

01:06:22

yeah I know Haley Joel Osmond's in it oh

01:06:24

yeah wow yeah he's great yeah I think he

01:06:26

dropped out did he really so funny yeah

01:06:28

no I'm being serious the whole reason

01:06:30

why I'm doing the movie no I think he's

01:06:32

back in actually do you think he still

01:06:34

sees dead people yes uh yeah maybe he's

01:06:37

older now though yeah

01:06:40

you lose the sense I think you would if

01:06:42

you saw them when you were young you

01:06:44

would lose them I played him in a golf

01:06:45

in a golf tournament for charity yeah

01:06:47

was he nice I beat him no he's very nice

01:06:50

he's a cool teams are very cool he

01:06:52

should do that movie part two yeah

01:06:58

but now he's still bits of Comedy what's

01:07:01

the seven cents yeah do you know how

01:07:03

sometimes they have those people that

01:07:04

say they've been like sexually uh [ __ ]

01:07:06

in the middle of the night by

01:07:07

Poltergeist like have you ever seen this

01:07:08

do you know that you don't know do you

01:07:10

not know this there's people that have

01:07:11

accounts that they say they've woken up

01:07:13

and they're being [ __ ] by a ghost

01:07:15

I swear

01:07:17

I got real things they're called crazy

01:07:18

people no they're not dude this is oh

01:07:20

these are real people there's a 1-800

01:07:21

number for it really no it's just the

01:07:24

sexual but just you've been [ __ ] by a

01:07:26

ghost let's call that goat I was [ __ ]

01:07:28

by a ghost ghost right by ghost

01:07:31

yeah look at this I got [ __ ] by a

01:07:34

ghost see I'm telling you there's people

01:07:35

that have been [ __ ] by a ghost wow

01:07:37

look it's on all caps like they wrote it

01:07:39

right I got [ __ ] by a ghost now would

01:07:41

it be scarier I'm gonna can I ask you a

01:07:44

question

01:07:45

let me ask you a question

01:07:47

if you were sexually assaulted right I

01:07:50

think you're gonna say if you were a

01:07:51

ghost no no I just wanna okay let's can

01:07:54

I just just say if I can handle it go

01:07:57

ahead okay

01:07:58

if it looked like Casper okay or it

01:08:01

looked like a human kind of half ghost

01:08:03

what would you rather have oh God and

01:08:06

Casper's friendly yeah Casper it's just

01:08:09

cute I you know I don't think I would be

01:08:11

that mad that he's like oh I'm [ __ ]

01:08:13

you yeah yeah that type of thing yeah I

01:08:16

would be like that guy I would be like

01:08:18

I'm tripping this isn't real yeah

01:08:22

well then he not Casper it blows a

01:08:25

massive Village

01:08:27

and it just Fades away

01:08:30

just like all the other men in my life

01:08:32

Well he kind of looks like him yeah he

01:08:35

does yeah he comes and he just kind of

01:08:37

comes all goes inside maybe it's him

01:08:39

yeah yeah well yeah but there's people

01:08:42

that have been [ __ ] by ghosts in the

01:08:44

middle of them he might be I might be

01:08:46

sperm yeah yeah oh that's not I don't

01:08:48

like that

01:08:49

yeah

01:08:51

the look is weird yeah his friends they

01:08:54

look like they're up to no good yeah

01:08:56

don't leave the door unlocked or what

01:08:58

are the what the green Blobby goes from

01:08:59

Ghostbusters yeah so it would have

01:09:03

Slimer pumped you yeah I'd rather Casper

01:09:05

first Slimer though let's just see oh

01:09:07

he's scared

01:09:08

teeth yeah that's not he'd be good at

01:09:12

going down on you though yeah I don't

01:09:14

now let me ask you something

01:09:16

yeah that would be a little intrusive

01:09:18

yeah just a little bit yeah he looks

01:09:20

repulsive what about Bill Pullman in

01:09:22

Casper because he's kind of a hybrid

01:09:24

because Bill Pullman dies in the movie

01:09:26

Casper and he kind of looks half human

01:09:29

oh I know what you're saying I don't

01:09:31

know what you're saying

01:09:32

I want the ghost from the movie Ghost

01:09:34

ooh the ghost from ghost ghost from

01:09:37

Ghost what does that mean

01:09:39

yeah Patrick Swayze I'll take him right

01:09:42

so he sees a penny in your [ __ ] Patrick

01:09:45

Swayze it doesn't even move a penny or

01:09:47

something around that table yeah yeah

01:09:49

that goes oh yeah yeah of course

01:09:53

yeah that's not a signature that's best

01:09:55

case scenario yeah that's not assault

01:09:58

it's not assault if he's hot that's true

01:10:02

as a ghost yeah as a ghost as a ghost

01:10:05

interesting did you see

01:10:07

um

01:10:09

uh Bruce Willis sold his AI rights

01:10:13

do you know this so now you can make

01:10:15

movies he can make movies posthumously

01:10:17

Keanu Reeves has done that too I believe

01:10:19

he was the first one Keanu was how much

01:10:22

I don't know that I don't they didn't

01:10:23

say but you could look it up but he but

01:10:25

he

01:10:26

he wants to be able to still have his

01:10:28

likeness you know in film and television

01:10:30

carry on because you know he's sick

01:10:31

yeah

01:10:33

that's incredible yeah look at it it's

01:10:35

uh reporter last week the star had sold

01:10:37

the rights to it to his face to a

01:10:39

Russian deep fake company called Deep

01:10:40

cake allowing the company to use a

01:10:42

digital twin for the actor who retired

01:10:43

in March following his diagnosis of

01:10:45

aphasia dude and some and they showed a

01:10:47

commercial they already made with him

01:10:48

yes it looks good [ __ ] unreal it's

01:10:50

unreal insane and how much would let me

01:10:54

ask you something it couldn't work for

01:10:55

the rest of your life yeah and we

01:10:57

wondered by your likeness what would you

01:10:58

charge

01:11:01

God that's tough I know

01:11:04

it'd be like you'd have to I bet you he

01:11:06

equated he had an attorney and a someone

01:11:08

do analytic to find out how much money

01:11:09

he would have potentially made you know

01:11:11

in court they say there's not much money

01:11:12

you took away from my potential earnings

01:11:14

he could have made anything he has a

01:11:15

disease yeah that has to be in the

01:11:17

equation no no they say if this never

01:11:19

happened that's what what I would have

01:11:21

made for the rest of my remaining life

01:11:22

and that they do a literally they do the

01:11:24

math physics yeah but if you have a

01:11:26

disease and you know that you can't work

01:11:27

again yeah right that would still be in

01:11:30

the equation so you'd be like there's no

01:11:33

way I could make what would you make in

01:11:35

this Heyday he made what 10 15 million

01:11:37

dollars a movie yeah he probably walked

01:11:39

with 100 million right at the end of his

01:11:42

at the end of his you know

01:11:44

so he'd probably make another 10 to 20

01:11:46

more million I don't even know

01:11:48

it earned he earned 20 million per year

01:11:50

from working films 55 million right so

01:11:53

into that 55 million two thousand yeah

01:11:55

he's probably worth 100 million now

01:11:57

right so

01:11:58

probably 5 million that's what you'd

01:12:01

sell you for a movie no way it's way

01:12:03

more than that I bet for Me Oh I thought

01:12:06

for Bruce Willis how much for me how

01:12:08

much for me honestly like a male for the

01:12:12

rest of my life I really believe that

01:12:14

nine hundred thousand

01:12:20

net worth might be a quarter of a

01:12:21

billion but these things are always

01:12:22

[ __ ] yeah but maybe that is true I

01:12:25

don't know what would you sell yourself

01:12:26

for uh juice if I said today you're

01:12:29

never gonna be able to work again but

01:12:30

we're gonna buy your likeness how much

01:12:31

today today this is it it's over today

01:12:34

that's the point today I'm making about

01:12:36

a hundred dollars of feature acts all

01:12:38

right so what are you selling your

01:12:40

likeness for we're gonna use you on

01:12:41

stage on screen on stage I'd say two

01:12:44

hundred dollars an appearance a year an

01:12:47

appearance no no this is a contract for

01:12:49

the rest of your rest of your life let's

01:12:51

do go yearly one some number oh yeah one

01:12:54

summer for the rest of your life yeah I

01:12:56

can't work a deal like every appearance

01:12:57

goes to my family no we're buying you

01:12:59

out man uh

01:13:03

I will say

01:13:05

um

01:13:06

half a million deal good yeah we're

01:13:08

gonna I do whatever so much money on

01:13:10

that whatever you're worth and I'll cut

01:13:12

it in half we're gonna make so much

01:13:13

money on that yeah that's a bad deal

01:13:15

Carlos

01:13:16

for me

01:13:18

I mean I don't really go on stages or

01:13:21

anything Bingo yeah

01:13:23

so my AI likeness would more be like

01:13:26

inside Fancy's MacBook like to help them

01:13:29

on the show also helpful yeah so fancy

01:13:32

says no

01:13:33

I think a cool 300 Grand

01:13:36

no deal no deal there's no way lower

01:13:39

yeah way lower 100 Grand No Deal

01:13:43

10 grand deal

01:13:46

and that's a stretch

01:13:48

we really have to call it lawyers but

01:13:50

for right now yes that's insane that's

01:13:52

so mean we have to call our [ __ ]

01:13:54

lawyer yeah yeah for who who no George

01:13:57

I'm Googling it for Tim Washington

01:14:01

I'm getting some work I got I went on

01:14:03

the road with Annie yeah yeah Kansas

01:14:06

City it was so fun

01:14:08

um and this weekend and the weekend

01:14:10

after I'm featuring for Anthony Jeselnik

01:14:12

hello I just found out uh

01:14:15

um Irvine and Oxnard I think those are

01:14:19

great shows amazing it might be this Pro

01:14:21

probably or after but I'm going to say

01:14:24

something to you right now and I can

01:14:25

feel this happening okay

01:14:28

when we do our tour

01:14:31

I don't care who else you're on the

01:14:33

books with that's right this is what I

01:14:35

want to hear your keyboard's link

01:14:37

whoever all of it all of it and you're

01:14:39

doing no matter what we're doing you

01:14:42

cancel to do ours when I heard about the

01:14:44

store it's all I can it's literally all

01:14:45

I can think about 65 000 followers now

01:14:48

she's up to she's that's insane she's

01:14:49

moving yeah I still I won't let myself

01:14:51

believe the tour is happening because I

01:14:53

have no what did you start with your

01:14:55

instagram-wise 13

01:14:56

000 yeah and you're at 65 now would you

01:14:59

think I'm at 13 total I did a little bit

01:15:02

Yeah but is that you had 13 000 yeah and

01:15:06

now you're at 65 000. yeah how does that

01:15:08

feel

01:15:09

it feels great it took a little

01:15:11

adjustment there was a period of time

01:15:13

not gonna lie because it happened so

01:15:14

fast that I was just I felt like kind of

01:15:16

weird

01:15:17

um I don't know how to put it into words

01:15:18

quite yet but it I just felt like things

01:15:21

were changing really fast but then I

01:15:22

kind of grounded how many do you have

01:15:23

Carlos it's like nothing really changed

01:15:25

um 6 000 something

01:15:27

good

01:15:28

Bobby why'd your voice go up and [ __ ]

01:15:32

nervous

01:15:33

the followers aren't everything but I

01:15:35

don't think it's bad it's great I'm like

01:15:38

uh like a producer I'm like like I

01:15:40

shouldn't even have followers so I have

01:15:42

some that's cool yeah that's good yeah

01:15:44

oh good

01:15:45

so followers aren't everything but it's

01:15:47

in real life when people show up and

01:15:50

they know who I am and they like the

01:15:51

work and the show and you know so many

01:15:53

people came up to me last night and were

01:15:55

like it was so cool to see you I opened

01:15:56

the main room and they're like we saw

01:15:57

Santino really sucked Bobby wasn't there

01:15:59

but yeah I was in Hawaii he was on the

01:16:01

flyer

01:16:02

I called them [ __ ] Monday morning I'm

01:16:05

not going to be there and I thought that

01:16:07

he would I don't know they already

01:16:08

printed can I tell you when I got to the

01:16:09

store I was working a lot so around

01:16:12

sickler came up and told me oh you're

01:16:14

opening the show great hey can you do me

01:16:16

a favor and just let the whole crowd

01:16:18

know that Bobby and Bert aren't going to

01:16:20

be here so you did that well they ended

01:16:23

up telling me right before I went on

01:16:25

stage that I didn't have to do that that

01:16:27

they didn't want me to do that that it's

01:16:29

comedy store policy because it always

01:16:31

says lineup subject to change that like

01:16:33

it they notified everybody but I Was

01:16:36

preparing all these riffs and like what

01:16:38

I and I was gonna do it right at the top

01:16:39

because I didn't want to hand the show

01:16:41

over to George Perez like with uh yeah

01:16:43

sorry to disappoint you here's your

01:16:45

husband right so I was like planning all

01:16:47

this [ __ ] by day the show the show was

01:16:49

good though it was an arcare again just

01:16:51

she's the best I love her so funny dude

01:16:53

she

01:16:54

so funny she does the same thing that

01:16:57

Ingram does where she's able to pick

01:16:58

people out of the crowd at the same time

01:16:59

as running a bit and incorporate them

01:17:02

with stuff she's so [ __ ] funny so

01:17:03

great she's our girl we love her love

01:17:05

her all right so look

01:17:07

the trial is adjourned we know what

01:17:09

happened with uh Carlos he was set free

01:17:12

by Bobby

01:17:14

I think we're all kind of set free now

01:17:15

by Bobby

01:17:17

and uh

01:17:19

I feel better yeah yeah I want to say

01:17:21

one last thing about bad friends

01:17:23

we're going to do this for a long time

01:17:27

I feel it I hope so no I do and I have

01:17:30

to say you know you are probably one of

01:17:31

my best friends thank you probably

01:17:33

probably yeah probably it hurts but no

01:17:36

doesn't it how how because I physically

01:17:39

say you are one of my best friends you

01:17:40

are probably don't say probably I don't

01:17:44

need probably yeah just say you are one

01:17:46

of my best friends

01:17:47

that's so hard to say you are really I I

01:17:50

think I am the best friend just say I'm

01:17:52

one of your best friends out of the ten

01:17:53

yes

01:17:54

who are the other nine oh for who are

01:17:57

the other five who the other four

01:17:59

kalila Gene Gene's a good yeah probably

01:18:02

four top four Gene kalila you me Eric

01:18:06

Griffin maybe Eric maybe me your brother

01:18:09

yeah he's yeah he's a family that's I

01:18:12

wouldn't come okay that's different yeah

01:18:13

am I your friend your sister

01:18:15

anyway thank you for being

01:18:18

he winked go ahead and do it thank you

01:18:20

for being a bad friend

01:18:22

[Music]

01:18:31

foreign

01:18:36

[Music]

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

80
Funniest
80
Best performance
75
Most unserious (in a good way)
70
Most memeable

Episode Highlights

New Year Performances
Catch me performing on New Year's Eve and Eve Eve at the Wilbur Theater!
“Come see me if you've got plans!”
@ 00m 09s
October 17, 2022
Bad Friends Court
The Bad Friends court is now in session with Judge Bobby Lee and Judge Andrew Santino!
“The Bad Friends court is now in session!”
@ 01m 05s
October 17, 2022
Friendship Betrayal
Discussing the ethics of dating a friend's ex-girlfriend in a comedic trial.
“Bros don't do that!”
@ 16m 51s
October 17, 2022
Private Investigator Revelation
The humor escalates as a private investigator is revealed to be just feet away.
“That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen!”
@ 27m 43s
October 17, 2022
The Great British Bake Off Discussion
A conversation about the wholesome nature of baking shows and their positive vibes.
“I wish I was different a little bit.”
@ 37m 04s
October 17, 2022
Chasing the High
A reflection on the pursuit of past highs and experiences.
“I've been chasing it ever since.”
@ 43m 09s
October 17, 2022
Building a Cat Sanctuary
A surprising revelation about a cat sanctuary being built in the backyard.
“I go what is it they go we’re building a cat sanctuary”
@ 44m 16s
October 17, 2022
Reflecting on Sobriety
A candid discussion about the reasons behind sobriety and the decisions made while high.
“That’s the reason why I’m sober”
@ 46m 27s
October 17, 2022
Navigating Relationships
A heartfelt conversation about relationships and the importance of family support.
“It helped both of you in different ways”
@ 01h 02m 04s
October 17, 2022
Family and Camaraderie
The connection between comedians is like family, fostering camaraderie on and off stage.
“It's like he's family, yeah I'm gonna have fun with him.”
@ 01h 02m 40s
October 17, 2022
Breaking Up Amicably
Setting an example of how two people can break up but still be friends.
“You guys are setting a really cool example of how two people can break up.”
@ 01h 04m 40s
October 17, 2022
Social Media Growth
Rapid growth on social media can feel overwhelming but also rewarding.
“It feels great, it took a little adjustment.”
@ 01h 15m 11s
October 17, 2022

Episode Quotes

Key Moments

New Year Performances00:16
Whiskey Ginger22:58
Baking Dreams36:20
Cat Sanctuary44:16
Relationship Talk1:02:04
Family Aspect1:02:27
Camaraderie1:02:50
Thank You1:18:20

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

Asian Brad Pitt & The No Nut October | Ep 136 | Bad Friends

October 03, 2022

01:15:27

Asian Brad Pitt & The No Nut October | Ep 136 | Bad Friends

Good Cop, Black Cop | Ep 94 | Bad Friends

December 06, 2021

01:04:23

Good Cop, Black Cop | Ep 94 | Bad Friends

Bobby Turns 60! | Ep 238 | Bad Friends

September 30, 2024

01:14:02

Bobby Turns 60! | Ep 238 | Bad Friends

Bobby is MIA feat. Annie Lederman, Trevor Wallace & His Korean Replacement | Ep 139 | Bad Friends

October 24, 2022

01:10:01

Bobby is MIA feat. Annie Lederman, Trevor Wallace & His Korean Replacement | Ep 139 | Bad Friends

White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends

December 12, 2022

01:08:51

White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends

Bobby's Bank Heist | Ep 129 | Bad Friends

August 15, 2022

01:16:48

Bobby's Bank Heist | Ep 129 | Bad Friends

Andrew & Bobby Hide a Body | Ep 79 | Bad Friends

August 23, 2021

01:25:02

Andrew & Bobby Hide a Body | Ep 79 | Bad Friends

Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends

December 23, 2024

01:24:10

Egg Noggin | Ep 250 | Bad Friends

SNL v MadTV ft. David Spade | Ep 201 | Bad Friends

January 15, 2024

01:05:07

SNL v MadTV ft. David Spade | Ep 201 | Bad Friends

Missionary Missionaries | Ep 144 | Bad Friends

November 28, 2022

01:08:22

Missionary Missionaries | Ep 144 | Bad Friends

The Elf On Our Shelf | Ep 147 | Bad Friends

December 19, 2022

01:12:48

The Elf On Our Shelf | Ep 147 | Bad Friends

Bobby's Replacement | Ep 137 | Bad Friends

October 10, 2022

01:00:37

Bobby's Replacement | Ep 137 | Bad Friends