00:00:00
hey bad friends I am gonna be performing on New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve
00:00:05
the 30th and the 31st at the Wilbur Theater in Boston Massachusetts Boston coming out and see me if you're in the
00:00:11
area come see me if you got plans on New Year's Eve come out New Year's Eve Eve
00:00:14
30th and 31st andrewsantino.com to get the tickets Boston I can't wait to celebrate New Year's Eve and Eve Eve
00:00:19
with you andrewsantino.com hey you guys um obviously we have merch we got merch it's back and these shirts have sold out
00:00:27
and we made some more we made some more shirts for you guys we restocked these favorite
00:00:32
shirts This Is Me and Bobby uh close talking we've talked about this before that's me and Bobby just talking real
00:00:36
quick oh it says coffee mug that's how it says the mugs baby you guys liked them we sold out we made a couple of
00:00:40
more for you guys so you just go to badfriendsmerch.com or look down in the description below we'll have the link to
00:00:46
the shirts so go pick up some new merch at badfriendsmerch.com are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:00:56
[Music] or something we're bad friends all rise okay the bad friends court is now in session
00:01:08
honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable Judge Andrew Santino presiding please be seated
00:01:16
be seated I don't know be seated I'm not Judo judge Lee judge Lee Edo judge Lido
00:01:23
and you're he's and to George Washington Andrew George Washington please be seated interesting interesting
00:01:30
I'm just getting the care interesting very good to be here um welcome to um this court case I'm very
00:01:39
I'm very excited and I'm going to do my due diligence and my um oath two of my the office
00:01:47
and I am going to really speculate and analyze and I'm going to contemplate all
00:01:54
the ideas and the weight of it all well really good to be here I'm jejito what is your
00:02:00
name judge George Washington I have wooden teeth that's all I know I don't know how would
00:02:06
he I don't know what he does what he sounds like keep going wonderful to be here
00:02:12
judging and presiding amongst this case let's bring well the defendant what is
00:02:19
Ellen DeGeneres doing here whoa I didn't know we're doing voices she's the attorney for the man on trial
00:02:30
Carlos Herrera please approach interesting very good is that a bomb yeah a bulletproof vest in case
00:02:42
somebody decides to tattoo Unabomber what the [ __ ] is going on here may I see the paperwork put your hands on the
00:02:50
Bible do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth all of the truth and nothing but
00:02:57
the truth so help you God I do are you Catholic yes God bless are you sure you're Catholic yes I'm
00:03:06
Catholic from your hairline it looks Jewish I didn't say that okay did I say that
00:03:12
yeah the hairline seems do you have anything to say for yourself prior to starting any words for the
00:03:18
judges um it's just that you guys take empathy on me and go lightly on me death penalty next
00:03:30
objection ah thank you we're in California I think you're gonna have to see I I
00:03:36
don't think you can do death penalty this lawyer is good thank you for the education Scottsdale Community
00:03:46
she's got our College that's SCC right fighting artichokes amazing okay Miss Mr
00:03:53
generous Mr generous yes your client is accused of mouth [ __ ] Bobby's EX not guilty
00:04:06
well interesting because we have uh footage footage video proof okay of your dewy lips
00:04:15
may actually that it doesn't seem can the court Define you're greasy you're greasy
00:04:21
[Laughter] can you handle chewy lips for me can I handle it yeah I can I mean that's I'm
00:04:28
okay I'm not saying it but I can handle it okay what is what is the what is your defense
00:04:35
my defense is uh if I think the cases that uh Carlos is guilty and uh messing around with kalila uh but yeah I thought
00:04:47
you were married am I his lawyer am I high right now no excuse me are you are you the prosecutor
00:04:55
or the defense attorney I'm defending my client and saying he's not guilty in
00:04:59
that he can he can mouth [ __ ] whoever he wants oh oh I like I like that that's like James Bond but
00:05:09
for [ __ ] he has a license to Kill but license the mouth [ __ ] yeah hi interesting may I see
00:05:15
that certificate oh my certificate for well then he has a license to mouth [ __ ] anybody correct uh
00:05:24
that's the case Mr generous please show us the license I would like to get that license today
00:05:31
in court we've registered she's filing for her license I'm filing for a license
00:05:40
interesting file denied denied okay because you know it's been a year that he has been you know I mean you knew
00:05:49
this court date was going to happen to you and today's the day you filed I found out about this an hour ago
00:05:55
wonderful wow what an attorney when did you graduate 2008 oh high school or college
00:06:05
I'm sorry Elementary School what's in the briefcase what is in your office
00:06:10
bring out the good stuff some documents should help her now let's see in my briefcase is nothing like the
00:06:18
basis of this case empty Hollow order this is a waste thank you wow wow interesting so that's your
00:06:32
opening statement and that uh Carlos should be able to uh mouth [ __ ] whoever he wants um so no we
00:06:39
have here like evidence against the acute do we have a prosecutor though yeah who's that we are the prosecutor so
00:06:45
we brought Carlos into the bathroom one second um we couldn't find an American I have
00:06:52
no idea why we didn't it's bad yeah it's really bad but look we'll Deport him
00:06:56
when this is over I know but there's there's an actual American that's the
00:07:01
other prosecutor maybe can he be the one does he even know American laws order [ __ ] greasy I will control my client
00:07:14
I apologize thank you thank you the problem with the other guy is he doesn't speak English well
00:07:20
it's bad the fat one listen to what he says go ahead listen to him for a second I don't
00:07:25
do English good see oh It's just tough to listen to it's difficult go on fancy
00:07:30
boy well I'm very disappointed on Carlos uh because we brought him in the into the
00:07:36
bathrooms family and he is still Bobby's girlfriend from him and that's the reason they broke up
00:07:42
and we have hard evidence that that's the case and I want to present exhibit a to the
00:07:48
core right now but we'd love to see it and this has started a year ago this is uh November 16th
00:07:58
2021. your screen's not on so I don't know if we're gonna show it but yeah
00:08:04
man this this prosecution is slacking real bad is that the prosecution is the team behind this podcast
00:08:12
I really I believe that the TV was off nothing's on maybe the funniest thing
00:08:17
I've ever seen yes all right here we go here we go okay let's see the evidence that you've
00:08:22
brought into the court Jesus so just based on uh well I don't know I'm not familiar with
00:08:29
this podcast but we have to the left of their um it seems like a foreigner in the white it seems like an only fans
00:08:37
correct performer correct is that a little girl oh wait a child to the left is a little girl yeah child a
00:08:44
child the little one the middle one is a um only fans only fans and then we have
00:08:49
a foreigner on top of what's that on the ground who what seems that's not me so
00:08:53
well that was quick to quick to jump well prosecutor who's the person on the
00:08:57
bottom on his back so kalala is on top of Carlos and then how do we know that's
00:09:02
Carlos I mean I I honestly I really wouldn't be able to identify how do we have proof
00:09:07
that that's current video well let me go to exhibit V then I'd like to motion to throw that out of
00:09:13
court while it's throwing this out admissible because we have no idea admissible
00:09:20
they might lose well a modulator oh here we go oh no oh okay this happened in Hawaii
00:09:28
December 21st 2021 got it what's Happening Here It seems as if there's a
00:09:35
fan taking a picture with kalila that's Carlos no you know what I I do identify the the I know the hat is
00:09:43
deceiving but if you look at that little you know that little strap at the Hat got it and above that region yeah
00:09:48
literally no hair I see that now yeah that's incredible so that is that you Mr
00:09:53
Herrera oh my lawyer asks answer for me um we're not uh you're not cross-examining my witness right now so
00:10:03
we're just we're not cross-examining we're just asking you as a lawyer is
00:10:07
that okay I was asking if you were crossing just making sure first of all we're the judge we can [ __ ] do
00:10:13
whatever anything we want yes your honors respect Mr generous okay thank you Mr generous
00:10:21
Mr Herrera is that you in this photo I don't recall the year after kovid if that's 2021 we'll have to I I Need a
00:10:31
Doctor based on the photograph that you see is that you yes okay ah very good by the way you
00:10:41
could have still stuck with don't recall excuse me sorry so that is you sir and
00:10:48
that woman to your right is whom to my right um that's a camera to my right no I don't want the attitude of the
00:10:56
attitude take a second also what he doesn't realize is uh it's my right in the
00:11:01
picture and you're right in the in physically your rights who is on your physical right there that looks like a
00:11:07
Hawaiian girl that looks like Santa Claus well okay I know I'm the judge and
00:11:12
I'm impartial but that is kalilah because I dated her for 10 years oh yeah I thought that was Santa Claus okay what
00:11:21
is uh what is kalila Claus seem to be doing with her her left hand I believe she is helping that guy in the green
00:11:29
shirt uh pull up his pants you pull up his pants yeah she's just doing it um
00:11:34
from a different angle well it's interesting because the pants obviously look like they're already on they're
00:11:39
already on I would like to say that we can't see if there's a belt on or not
00:11:43
order order I've been a judge for 47 years never in my life I've had I've
00:11:48
seen such erroneous miscommunication of misinformation this woman is cupping your penis yes or no sir
00:11:54
no sir I respect the court I'm not trying to get it it's a yes or no answer
00:11:59
no objection your honor hey go ahead Ellen I would like to say that it is clear that my client here has as he said had
00:12:07
suffered some memory damage due to coven and it's very clear that she is she is
00:12:13
touching him in this picture he doesn't even seem to be aware if we maybe saw a
00:12:17
little bit after this photo and how he reacted it seems like he is a suffered some sexual assault abuse and suffered
00:12:24
memory damage thank you I mean I can accept that argument because dude they're doing a really good great job
00:12:30
and look at it right when she touches no because that's right there on impact
00:12:34
yeah an impact right so we don't know the reaction after that he could have been like whoa right exactly yeah so
00:12:41
this is you guys are doing a really terrible evidence as far as right now goes he's
00:12:47
innocent he's innocent at this point at this point I've seen nothing okay I'll
00:12:50
bring it see exhibitsy okay well that's definitely not it's not Carlos that's
00:12:56
nothing that's not the gentleman yeah that guy is that's it that is George Harrison yeah
00:13:03
that's George Harrison and that's Yoko correct yeah so if John Lennon's here
00:13:08
right hey if John Lennon was here and he was accusing George Harrison of you know
00:13:13
fine fine but now but they're both dead yeah prosecution whom is this photo claiming to be this is uh kalala and
00:13:21
Carlos on a live stream show yeah I don't I've dated colada for 10 years that is not her that's definitely
00:13:28
Yoko no that is George Harrison any more evidence to present to us evidence for us to shoot it out of the sky yeah
00:13:36
yeah interesting oh I don't know okay oh my God all right is that a video or a
00:13:42
photo this is all photograph evidence unfortunately we do agree that that is Carlos could be
00:13:49
perhaps who the [ __ ] is on the bottom we have no idea no idea well can I call a
00:13:55
witness no well who's who's the witness the judge uh George Washington he's
00:14:02
there oh sure she was watching I didn't realize George Washington you are in the
00:14:07
photo interesting so yes that is not you that's my brother that's your brother
00:14:13
yes that's my brother Tim Washington Tim whoa that's Tim watch yeah that is team
00:14:17
Washington I can speak on behalf of my brother okay he looks disgusting okay correct he is disgusted by the behavior
00:14:27
Zoom down this is I'm gonna help the prosecution yeah zoom in on the tattoo on the person on the ground's leg ankle
00:14:35
does that look familiar JoJo it does but whom has a tattoo similar to that my ex-girlfriend khalila you guys are doing
00:14:43
I'm doing all the [ __ ] work for you guys this is the [ __ ] you should be doing I know God damn it but that's why
00:14:49
I'm bringing you in I know you're back he's the job you [ __ ] okay wait
00:14:55
wait JoJo Lee no what we see here is Carlos perhaps on on a woman that might have a tattoo similar to your ex yes do
00:15:04
we know that that's her well I mean it's you know it is possible that somebody would also have that
00:15:09
tattoo easily easily what does the tattoo say it says um Carlos in the Philippine language which is
00:15:18
interesting do you have anything to say for this yeah objection yeah I would like to ask the date of this photo
00:15:24
please the days this is the date of this photo is by the way if these [ __ ] morons
00:15:30
just did a video it would have proved August it it's bad still shots August 30th 2022. they took bad still photos
00:15:37
it's the worst evidence this genuinely would be thrown out yeah the mistrial
00:15:42
you [ __ ] dude what's your last photo that you guys have it better be good better be [ __ ] this better be the one
00:15:48
this better be the sinking Stone that's pretty good oh that's a pretty good
00:15:53
pretty damning yeah that seems damaged that one's pretty guilty ten years I mean I'm guilty I mean
00:16:00
yeah I don't like the defense go ahead may I ask the date of the breakup she loves dates
00:16:09
um JoJo Lee do you remember what's the date now October October 11th georgito I would say July 1st July so
00:16:18
this was at least I mean August 30th this was maybe even two months after the breakup
00:16:26
wow too much after the backup yes this is August 30th wow exactly interesting October 4th 20th but that's not what
00:16:32
he's you know October 14th he's been on trial for um cheating on me but that's amazing
00:16:41
don't do it right he's on trial for kissing my girlfriend even after I broke
00:16:48
over there even though like him and I are supposed to be Bros bros don't do that Bros don't do that yeah Bros
00:16:54
I have respect for you we've known each other for all this time you know I am
00:16:59
going to respect the fact that I'm not going to kiss your girlfriend what he
00:17:02
did there is objection ex-girlfriend my ex-girlfriend what he did there was um if you ask any guy that we know in
00:17:11
comedy or not that is a No-No and that's a red flag no no and that that is a
00:17:18
friendship Destroyer right is it not no but this guy piping up with no no it's
00:17:23
just it doesn't just click shut the [ __ ] up you're fired you're [ __ ] fire we
00:17:28
got the trial I'd like to bring some evidence for it leave that photo up please leave it up
00:17:35
that's important for the course so we are hearing that Bros do not cheat on each other right I would like to bring
00:17:45
up some evidence of about time Bobby yeah go ahead having um some uh romantic times yeah with
00:17:56
people that aren't kalila yeah oh wow if we could um show the first evidence
00:18:01
please and I mean that is a lot more than anything we've seen today judging to
00:18:11
leave whom is this with you jokoy correct yeah a man a man yep it doesn't matter the question would
00:18:20
be this it doesn't matter man woman it doesn't matter this would matter if
00:18:24
Carlos was [ __ ] jokoy at one point yeah yeah I believe he has at some point Have you ever [ __ ] your court at any
00:18:33
point no okay or any kind of relationship no okay if you say yes Jesus next photo good call Carlos
00:18:46
next photo what else do you got up there oh well here is this damning one oh it's
00:18:52
your brother again first of all George Washington or that's Tim Washington George can I
00:18:58
tell you something yes Tim and you yes this is a very Mis this is a very misleading this is out of context yeah
00:19:06
you needed ChapStick and my brother Tim told me he had a little bit left on his lip yeah you got a little bit of
00:19:12
chapstick from him because earlier my breath smelled okay and he had one stick it to come chapstick before that I'm
00:19:19
just gonna give you an example I'm just kidding myself I'm just giving example
00:19:22
right this is how him and me and [Laughter] timel and he had already had one piece
00:19:29
of in his mouth and he split the gum with me and I stuck it in my mouth objection so this is a ChapStick gum
00:19:36
exchange that was Jefferson can I remind the court that also is this is this is this what's the racial intent of the
00:19:43
faces behind us in the background exactly we don't Rook all that that seems that seems yeah that scene
00:19:53
that seems really racist what's the intent there what is the intention obviously that's Photoshop
00:20:00
because that's no you went to a wife that's an IHOP right and IHOPs don't
00:20:05
have the decor so what is the intent there hmm both of these both of you two both the
00:20:14
defense and the prosecution is really on thin ice with us now oh again with Tim it's just a lot of this we can speed
00:20:24
again I remember do you remember this attempt so here's the deal Gemini well we travel
00:20:31
together when I travel together right we um we sometimes want to watch movies but we
00:20:39
want to watch different movies so what you don't see what you cropped out of
00:20:43
this photo is on both sides of us is I'm watching poor identity he's watching
00:20:53
minority minority important porn identity Tim did tell me they did that because we're not that we're looking at
00:20:59
it right and so we've all been there but why are you naked next photo next photo
00:21:05
people need to be naked photos Mr generous people need to be naked here we go so another one of you and Tim I told
00:21:13
you we got a lot of these there we go what is going on in this photo with Tim with my brother Tim I need to talk to my
00:21:32
brother this is bad what is happening I'll tell you what happened all right yeah what is
00:21:38
going on Jim his wife is Korean his wife is Korean is it not yes that's true
00:21:43
right I came over for some eggs yes I came over for some eggs right yeah and so I walk in the front door and I
00:21:52
have no idea and your brother Tim why is Tim have all that um the pillows always
00:21:57
prepared too for what is that where he sleeps in the middle yes of his home so I walked in with the eggs
00:22:04
dropped the eggs oh it looks like you dropped some eggs right I get on my knees then his wife
00:22:13
took a picture took a photo objection yes I know that rug this is this studio that's whiskey Ginger rug hey hey hey
00:22:22
hey hey [Applause] running mate Rick Caruso they're also Brothers he has a whiskey Ginger
00:23:01
next photo please next photo there's so much more to talk about in that I've
00:23:05
seen nothing so far nothing also can I remind the court that the judging okay okay okay okay that by the way yeah that
00:23:13
could be kalila or that could be Carlos that could be Carlos this is erroneous yeah erroneous thrown out next photo
00:23:20
okay but if it is Carlos oh okay [Laughter] yeah yeah this is drug use definitely my
00:23:35
drug years whom is that gentleman that judge either Lee is kissing that actually looks like
00:23:40
George Washington if you think about it an imitator of myself yeah next photo next photo this
00:23:47
is all that's the last photo we have some damaging evidence something that cannot be denied okay okay so we hire
00:23:54
other than the photo right it's on the screen could you please button your shirt all
00:24:01
the way up we're in the courtroom not at a strip club thank you the behavior is
00:24:05
just disgusting thank you I appreciate that I'm getting hot we're gonna get in
00:24:08
trouble you didn't disclose this so This evidence just came in did you just hear
00:24:12
him he's like I'm getting hot he's so gross wait what do you guys are about to
00:24:18
excuse me it's too damaging I didn't want to disclose this but you guys forced me
00:24:27
okay this is so stupid this is so stupid no Mr rosende speed up with the evidence
00:24:33
immediately otherwise this court is going to be adjourned I heard a pi what what rfpi oh he hired a pi a
00:24:40
private investigator okay I love it yeah wow this is what evidence shows okay imagine how bad of a court case this
00:24:50
would really be safe person like Judge Judy this is so [ __ ] bad but it's all that
00:24:59
[Music] I got an idea foreign let's go through all them I mean yeah serious no honest let's [ __ ] the judge
00:25:18
said wait a minute what the [ __ ] is [ __ ] mrera Herrera what is happening as this
00:25:22
plays out let's describe what's really going on oh I do remember seeing Oh man
00:25:33
oh my God come on oh Mr Herrera what what what it's like they know the camera
00:25:49
no we had no idea are you arm wrestling Mr Herrera and whom is winning oh oh go back
00:25:56
one more go back [Laughter] my case rests continue the photographs oh yeah they seem staged
00:26:33
to you on please that's it that's all that's it yeah yeah and when you look directly both into the
00:26:42
camera actually got headshots yeah I told you not to show that one [Laughter] [Music]
00:26:59
of the fact that fancy Vehicles four feet away you even [ __ ] up this assignment
00:27:10
oh my God yeah they take a pictures of it [Laughter] so you admit Mr Herrera that this is a
00:27:20
true you're on a date you're on a private date and you caught the private
00:27:23
investigator no I want that scratch from the record oh I have tears in my [ __ ] eyes
00:27:29
Mister you know you are not guilty that is one of the funniest I'm crying that's one of the funniest things I've
00:27:44
ever seen in my life that you hired a private investigator he's four feet away
00:27:51
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[Music] mine is cold as ice oh you do know it yeah yeah wait how do you know it that's
00:31:05
not a line but um I'm glad that we got Carlos off trial by the way yeah that's nice
00:31:11
finally listen if I'll be honest with you if anybody that I know was going to
00:31:17
want to date kalila I would let you do it because she's not going to want to
00:31:20
[ __ ] you okay yeah you know what I mean but it's like even if she did it would be a big laugh
00:31:25
I'd enjoy it we could hang out yeah you know and um play with the dogs together excuse me
00:31:33
play with the dogs play dogs with you okay cool yeah you play dogs together I would play with Bobby's dogs like if I
00:31:42
dated yeah if I dated not like my players are gonna roleplay I wouldn't be a [ __ ]
00:31:48
um Chihuahua what how'd you know I was gonna say that what else could it be you'd be and what is he what is he I was
00:31:55
gonna say Yorkshire Terrier which is like the wiry hair I'm something like with wiry hair like a hairless cat yeah
00:32:03
Sphinx yeah what that's you Yorkshire Terrier oh yeah that'd be me I love
00:32:09
those things are they cute yeah Yorkshire Terriers oh my God bro dude I was watching The Great
00:32:18
British Bake Off I've been watching it and it's so funny because they were
00:32:21
talking about one of the couples and taking a walk with their dog and we call them wiener dogs you know dachshunds
00:32:25
yeah you know what they call them what sausage dog oh yeah yeah yeah he's like
00:32:30
he's walking with his boyfriend and their sausage dog Ron yeah and they named it the normal name it was so cute
00:32:35
why don't we say sausage why are [ __ ] British Indians so good at [ __ ] baking Oh weird what Indians
00:32:43
what how many there's one Indian woman on this but in every I've seen every
00:32:46
single season from season with zero well you gotta have one because they're in no
00:32:49
they always go to either win the [ __ ] thing or they get to the final I mean they're just so good at it Middle
00:32:54
Eastern people are good at it Middle Eastern people are good yeah they're good they know how to bake yeah she's
00:32:58
great I mean they're all great that girl the first girl he won it yeah one year
00:33:03
yeah that dude's the king look at him look at him he knows it too yeah he's
00:33:07
like I'm a [ __ ] bacon King yeah he's like an engineer or something and he's
00:33:11
Indian in England you know what do you watch that show no you don't watch The
00:33:15
Great British Bake Off no I haven't it it's so good it's great it's it's a it's
00:33:23
I I honestly think and I want to see something crazy that in terms of because I don't watch anything wholesome
00:33:30
what are you talking about what do you mean like I'm not a wholesome guy like
00:33:33
everything I watch like I saw like I said Hellraiser earlier and I'll watch stuff like horror movies or you know
00:33:39
some violence sometimes I'll watch like a Marvel movie but like in general I
00:33:43
don't do like Disney or wholesome TV like I've never seen um Two and a Half Men is that a one yeah
00:33:51
that's one the guy with eight yeah but my point is is that but this is the I this is one of my favorite shows of
00:33:59
all time and what I like about it it makes me feel like I'm normal yeah like
00:34:03
oh I I do want to I think I long I think I long dipping that oh my god do you bake no I long to be like to wake up you
00:34:13
know I have this fantasy I can't believe I'm saying this I have this dream this reoccurring dream
00:34:18
and I've had it for a long time even before I met kalila where I live in the
00:34:21
Midwest and I see green Rolling Hills yeah where what state I don't know where
00:34:27
right right but there's not a lot of houses you know I mean but like it's a
00:34:31
white house with blue trim right yeah no fans you just see green Rolling Hills right and I'm laying in bed and I wake
00:34:39
up and it's like seven and I wake up to the smell of coffee the smell of coffee right I hear
00:34:45
Peter patter in the you know the little pitter patter you know what I mean animals it could be yeah I never get I
00:34:52
never leave you sit in bed the whole time the whole time your fantasy is pretty close to
00:34:57
reality no no but what happens in a different location yeah yeah but what happens is I look out the window and
00:35:03
there's I see a body of a woman never the face right what does the body look like
00:35:08
what color lizzo it's like literally yeah no like Ada it's all skinny black man yeah yeah and
00:35:18
um you know those those clothes lines yeah yeah This Woman's doing that and I
00:35:23
can hear her giggle because I look out the window and she knows that I'm there
00:35:25
right I'm just picturing you as the York the little puppy the whole time you're describing like a dog's day yeah
00:35:33
yeah you're the mind of a dog that's you yeah yeah yeah maybe that's me but my point
00:35:41
is is that I just imagine her hanging up all these clothes and then getting to your underwear and just being like Oh my
00:35:46
God switches to me in a car with kids I don't ever see the kids but I'm going to
00:35:54
soccer practice I mean and there's all these things that and I'm in this
00:35:58
Midwest town I have a normal life and then I wake up in Hollywood yeah and then you know man you're better I kill
00:36:06
it yeah I definitely kill it that's your second life in your mind yeah but maybe it's happening in an
00:36:12
alternative Universe maybe but I also when I look at British Bake Off there's
00:36:17
there's a tone to it right a tone a tone a feeling that I have of like oh this is this I could do
00:36:27
I could have done this no what no what do you mean to be a become a baker no what the tone of like people not saying
00:36:37
[ __ ] every other word right people go being encouraging yeah like you know it wasn't good it was a little dry you know
00:36:43
you didn't the the prove you didn't proof it long enough or bake it long enough you know and um but
00:36:51
I like the flavors right like they're positive if I did a baking show it'd be
00:36:56
like this sucks great bad friend's Bake Off yeah but my point is there's just a feeling about it
00:37:03
I just a wholesomeness though you wish you were another person yeah I wish I was different a little bit
00:37:07
man because it's like um you're not happy with what you are I'm happy with
00:37:11
what you are and some of these girls man sometimes you piss me off but some of these girls know they're like you know
00:37:16
they think that I'm like the devil or something man killer and could you destroy two
00:37:29
different things whatever coochie killer yeah the Beast of the night you know dry up you dry them out they call you
00:37:38
desert man you come around and they just yeah no no I don't think that's what he meant
00:37:48
that's not what I meant I think that's exactly no no it Shivers in satisfaction
00:37:56
do a little smile on that too and pop your lips a little bit that's what I see
00:38:03
dude right dog it's like she she lures me in with sexy DMS you know what I mean we're not
00:38:18
a badge not brass but like silhouettes of her body this and that right and this goes on for a long time brah you know so
00:38:25
I reciprocate or I reciprocated reciprocate means you sent her something back yeah but like funny photos I mean
00:38:33
like a silhouette and how to do this yeah with those ones did you know her or was it just I didn't know her oh and you
00:38:38
sent her a picture back yeah and then then I don't want to tell you where but I fly
00:38:44
to go see her right this country yeah okay you think I flew to [ __ ] Moscow you
00:38:52
were in the Philippines two weeks ago no okay as far as you'd think which is
00:38:57
halfway around the world yeah yeah pretty far thest point of yeah yeah it's far yeah
00:39:06
right and then I um you know we I go there and she I go there to hook up but like she just
00:39:14
leaves right away we have a date we make out a little bit she leaves and I make all these plans to see her this and that
00:39:20
and then all of a sudden she just writes me this thing like I'm done I don't want
00:39:23
to see you anymore but you're the one that [ __ ] sent the thing so she got what she needed though what a kiss from
00:39:31
booby Lee yeah yeah but my point is is that you know so and I I feel like I'm
00:39:35
at a point where I'm like yeah it's not and I think I'm done it makes me feel unwanted and ugly well you
00:39:42
put yourself out there it didn't work the first time you got to keep trying dating's hard that's what it is yeah I
00:39:50
think you want it to be a lot faster but just take your time no I mean I'm I'm
00:39:53
seeing this other girl in L.A right now that just leave me out no but it's a Cry Me a River you're like this
00:39:58
one girl I flew to you yeah and there's 40 other women I'm talking to right now
00:40:01
but here's what it's how many women are on the on the on your dossier right now
00:40:05
I planted about 30 seats and they have to grow and that's that's my new Theory you plant the seeds and
00:40:14
you just wait it you water them and some of them grow some of them don't but just know what there might be a
00:40:19
water shortage you might get a couple of weeds some of those things might not Sprout exactly you might have to break
00:40:23
get a whole new Garden right in fact you might have to plant different kinds of seeds maybe seeds with dicks
00:40:29
[Laughter] but my point is is that it's been um a voyage for me speaking of planting seeds do you miss
00:40:40
uh like do you long to have kids I talked to like Paulie and he's like getting older and he's like I wish I had
00:40:47
kids and well I've been pushing him to have kids since he I met him yeah I always thought that that would like
00:40:53
um anchor him yeah he's never gonna have kids imagine that guy having kids he
00:40:57
dreams about it but do you dream about that yeah I dream about it yeah yeah I I believe it's gonna happen for me I
00:41:04
think so you guys are lucky you can wait so long you can too now kind of look at
00:41:09
Natasha just had uh didn't she have one do they have two kids or one kid she has
00:41:13
one yeah that was a few years ago but she was when she had it she was 40 yeah when you see howlies yeah do you
00:41:22
see them get treated uh differently on the island you're there enough do you see that they
00:41:27
that the local whites are yeah because they have they they do speak in Pigeon hey buddy because they know how to speak
00:41:33
they do the pigeon and dude it's interesting I so we had this kid on tigerbelly and he's like a local guy
00:41:41
right and I literally it was mind-boggling I literally went so you you have Freddie Mercury's mouth
00:41:49
because what do you mean brother yeah and I go what is this your teeth protrude he goes
00:41:54
who's Freddie Mercury brother and I started singing him so he literally did not know how old was this
00:42:01
man 26 years old now that might be a little bit too young he might not know but then I go have you heard of The
00:42:06
Beatles he goes no brother no come on this is what I'm I am not [ __ ] kidding what does this man do for a life
00:42:13
he's a social media star what yeah and check this out literally Hey Jude for him
00:42:21
no he had never heard it and he teared up that's beautiful brother he's never
00:42:27
heard it boggled my mind and because Jules had never heard of The Beatles well that's okay she's yeah but my point
00:42:34
is that there are people out there that just don't know [ __ ] yeah but that's crazy it's crazy to
00:42:39
think that you're an American he's an American right and he doesn't know who
00:42:44
the [ __ ] Beatles it's in that mind-boggling Blissful ignorance though would it be nice to find the Beatles now
00:42:49
how crazy would that be to find them now oh my God I know if you especially if you're into music like you literally for
00:42:55
a year you're just you know I mean Abby Road you know I mean like in yeah it's
00:42:59
kind of like this first time you got stoned right and you and then you you try to replicate getting high the rest
00:43:03
of your life yeah and it never works out that's all I do I know you do yeah you
00:43:07
chase it I got high 20 years ago yeah I've been chasing it ever since don't
00:43:10
you want to get sober man I've been sober with you no but now no how are you
00:43:15
out there man but things aren't bad enough for me they're not bad so I don't
00:43:18
but emotionally are they bad no I think I'm okay what are you using uh just weed
00:43:23
every day and sometimes I take Xanax if I'm stressed out I'll take mushrooms
00:43:27
sometimes yeah like drink socially usually don't have more than three you don't have control no we did we've done
00:43:34
we got high cut down a couple times together yeah yeah never again what we don't know one day at a time I
00:43:40
know but today no yeah keep the Habit today the day no today that they know today that they know yeah but honestly
00:43:47
do you want to put stuff away no oh then [ __ ] yeah I feel fine it's fine do
00:43:52
you know why I got I'm sober because today was a good example I wake up and there's six guys in my backyard
00:43:58
okay and they're building things right there's polls fences these are these contraptions
00:44:06
and they're crying you know they're just people sawing [ __ ] like what the [ __ ]
00:44:11
he's like you wanted this I go what is it they go we're building a cat sanctuary
00:44:18
and I go I literally I go what yeah it's gonna you know they told me how much it's so expensive you ordered
00:44:26
the cats actually when I was high yep when I was high I went I was just like I wanna Sanctuary oh my God you know what
00:44:35
I mean I should have been building you for [ __ ] yeah yeah and they were like really we don't yeah
00:44:40
because you could turn this into this right so they're just building this thing so you have that now at your house
00:44:45
they're still building it now tell me how much it costs be honest 25 Grand oh my [ __ ] god for
00:44:52
a cat sanctuary can I move in there and it's like and then there's a gigantic tree I go don't chop the tree
00:44:59
no because he's like no you told us to work around the tree so they're building this thing it's it's
00:45:05
crazy is that insane do you have cats no I don't have any cats yeah but it's a
00:45:14
sanctuary it's a sanctuary if they ever want one no I do have three cats if they
00:45:17
want a seek Asylum they're just passing in the neighborhood they want to see
00:45:20
this island they can't and the reason why I did that was because there's a we
00:45:25
have a litter box in the living room what that's the reason no but I had built I
00:45:36
spent a bunch of money building a little at the end of my the front end of my house a little doorway into a white
00:45:43
Shack where I put this it's outside and one of my cats don't like going out
00:45:48
there for some reason right so she decides to pee anywhere in the living room unless there's a litter box there
00:45:55
so she's peeing on this [ __ ] twenty thousand dollar friend uh Italian couch
00:45:59
I got a couple years ago so piss on the couch yeah this Blood okay I throw on that cat right down the hill yeah piss
00:46:06
blood right so I had to put a [ __ ] out of stress or something so now I guess when I was high I was just like
00:46:12
watching like British Bake Off High uh you know I did I need a couch out here maybe the cat was on their period not
00:46:20
peeing blood yeah anyway that's the reason why I'm sober because I make decisions like that you
00:46:32
know bad decisions are you up to making bad decisions um sometimes I wake up and I don't remember
00:46:38
that I watched like three hours of reality TV the night before like that's not bad yeah it's not bad yeah yeah but
00:46:45
I'm not seeing blacking out Consciousness is kind of weird it is a little weird but that's like if I was
00:46:49
stressed out and I took half a Xanax but I'm not like seeing escorts and doing
00:46:53
coke and I don't even want to do Coke because of the fence I don't know well I haven't seen one in a long time I
00:46:59
know but you know much about that world yeah I mean I try to teach you about the
00:47:03
world and I'm not shamed I'm not ashamed you want to get an escort now no I was just
00:47:09
curious to see how it works I would never do it never one day at a time yeah I I can
00:47:15
never say never I who knows what's gonna happen in the world but my point is is
00:47:17
that maybe tomorrow no not tomorrow okay no but I was just asking how does it work and he tells me would you ever get
00:47:24
one again would you get one again yeah I haven't done it in so long that I just
00:47:31
don't have the desire honestly I think that because of only fans the escorts in
00:47:35
La aren't as hot anymore that all the hot ones are making all like so much money off the internet I have a question
00:47:41
I'm so glad you brought that up good for them did you hear what happened with Ari
00:47:47
no no no he loves us yeah what are we allowed to say this on the show I want to do it is it private business no
00:47:56
did it get robbed by it you hear me out okay this actually happened okay where's my phone
00:48:03
because there's a photo I wanted to show you it's worth it no okay it's [ __ ] worth
00:48:08
it okay he's dating like a porn star listen no he is he told me I mean he told me
00:48:15
personally oh I know listen listen and learn so I'm on [ __ ] Instagram and I see uh booty so I click on the
00:48:24
thing this other girl yeah and she I've realized that she has the only fan so I
00:48:28
go to only fans right I subscribe was 31 I don't know what it is right subscribe
00:48:32
to the only friends right and she has sex videos on there right I start jerking off to one of the six videos and
00:48:39
as I'm jerking off I get this photo oh yeah that's her and that's his penis
00:48:48
oh my God you you jacked off to Ari Manis oh that's Ari's girl it was fun though right very good
00:48:58
but my point it made me angry because it's like who's funnier me or Ariana's
00:49:06
Bobby no just come on man okay the level though is different his [ __ ] is bigger than yours that's what it is
00:49:15
well and that'll always win I'll send you a picture of him with the girl that you were jerking off to that's
00:49:21
kind of tight and he told me that's my penis because that's the only one only
00:49:24
one that she uses how did they know that you were jerking off because I subscribe
00:49:27
she sees who subscribes her all right right so my like you know my photo comes out and he knew too he knew right and
00:49:34
just the timing and then they sent me this and they're both giggling and I'm
00:49:37
I'm subscribed so how many times have you watched since then none I unsubscribed that's the moment so I lost
00:49:44
31 bucks which I think he owes me call them up tell him he owes you some money from
00:49:51
what happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or alcohol that's big money that's big
00:49:55
money yeah yeah hey Bobby how are you you owe me 31 bucks one dollar yeah oh why because he said
00:50:10
yeah what well I don't think I owe you 31 if anyone owes you 31 it's the person you
00:50:20
subscribe to interesting but the person that used to I don't think anyone does you subscribe
00:50:26
to an account you saw a girl you thought she was a cutie you didn't do your research yeah I understand that but it's
00:50:34
like here's the deal right let's say I'm watching I go watch I think I'm buying
00:50:38
tickets to The Little Mermaid right and while I'm watching The Little Mermaid
00:50:43
a penis flies into the screen that's not what I paid for what do you think of the penis
00:50:52
it's pretty good right it's really good is it thick it's yes thank you I appreciate that you know
00:51:02
what I appreciate it I'm gonna give you a 31 dollars yeah yeah really good anyway thank you all right well you owe
00:51:09
me 31 bucks next time I see you okay okay okay bye-bye faster fall is officially here when the
00:51:16
new season comes a new routine but if you're like me you get sick of the same
00:51:19
old same old day after day and luckily factors ready to email delivery makes it easy to switch things up with 30 plus
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00:51:30
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00:51:36
just cozing up at home factor is fresh never Frozen that's what I like about it
00:51:40
yeah yeah you can always feel taste when they're frozen yeah meals make it easy
00:51:44
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00:51:49
nothing man they got a rotating menu that has tons of fall options every week seasonal favorites like three bean vegan
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00:52:09
than takeout I'll tell you that and thanks to their commitment to ingredients with Integrity you can
00:52:13
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00:52:18
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have everything you need for a good week of eats Bobby how can I head to go dot factor75.com bad friend 60 and use the
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00:54:01
the top and type in code back friends because I always had a thing with him what do you mean like a gay thing no
00:54:10
what oh that was always first of all if there's anything it's between him and
00:54:14
Tim Washington yeah yeah yeah we've seen we have that evidence okay right but
00:54:18
I've always had a little um oh there's always been kind of like a tension between him and him and I what
00:54:24
do you mean like a competitive do you see yourself in him and that's why no I
00:54:28
don't see myself in him now he sees himself in his girlfriend that's exactly what it is yeah you you
00:54:36
hit it on that juice I see myself in his girlfriend yeah but um and you I'm happy for him she's
00:54:47
gorgeous so I have been linking up with on dating apps with only fangirls but obviously they say during the things
00:54:56
like I'm not going to give up my you know give up my profession which I wouldn't
00:55:01
want a girl to go you know you got to quit only fans for today I mean there's
00:55:05
no way I would do that I follow your dreams my main point is that it's not that I would be jealous I think
00:55:10
my thing is is that because my tools right aren't as big as the tools that she's using while she's working I feel
00:55:19
self-conscious about it don't I'm sure you're I'm sure you'll fit the bill in
00:55:23
your own way it's like stand up you can't compare yourself to the other people you've got you've got people
00:55:28
offer a lot yeah and those sticks are insanely large like you can't compare your tool to their like giant black
00:55:35
tools like the porn star girls you can't compare that I you know what I equated
00:55:40
to this sometimes NFL Stars football players will go home and play Madden yeah right
00:55:48
so they play the real thing at work yeah and sometimes they do a little side thing at home and they like them both
00:55:53
just the same they're both the same different games no less real that's right
00:55:59
laughs you got this Bobby that's true that's true Paulie says he runs into you at the
00:56:04
Korean spa all the time and you run away from him maybe he could help you get some babes
00:56:09
no and the reason why I run into him I run away from him is because he's embarrassing
00:56:15
I'm with him that's embarrassing it's the things he says out loud that I can't
00:56:19
be around oh like Chinese yeah they're obviously he yeah he sings a song Chinese people are the most beautiful
00:56:28
people in the world out loud is he wrong there's no Chinese people there's no
00:56:33
Koreans so what are you just saying his preferred pronoun I know but it's like
00:56:37
imagine you're you don't know who he is right you're an old Korean man I'm
00:56:42
business but don't weasel [Laughter] what's another word yes you know my favorite
00:57:09
always good with Baldwin yeah wow yeah I think they like them I think yeah but also he touches them well
00:57:19
that they don't like no but they don't say anything it's weird yeah it makes he
00:57:22
touches everybody so I imagine him does he touch you no different probably not an inappropriate no but he'll like like
00:57:27
pinch and stuff yeah yeah he's like a weird guy huh yeah yeah it sounds like
00:57:32
you think he's a weird guy I like him I love I love him he's a brother I think
00:57:36
he's yeah he's great yeah but you guys have a different relationship yeah he he he discovered me
00:57:42
so um used to blame no yeah I owe him I owe him and his family so [ __ ] much because I was just a kid at La Jolla
00:57:52
imagine and they used to go down down there yeah that's where I started and they um
00:57:58
you know I was working as a doorman in La Jolla Polly goes in on Saturday nights they I would always host one show
00:58:05
and I only had five minutes he saw me perform and he walked up to me goes this is 1996.
00:58:12
he goes dude you're so weird out there like oh yeah open for me and that's it changes
00:58:20
everything that's awesome wow he's a sweet man no just that time period it was that time period there was
00:58:27
so many dreams and you had so many you know fantasies and like everything was so exciting it all came true
00:58:34
I know Whoa stop that's where I'm at now don't ruin it but it doesn't it all came true
00:58:40
but it wasn't what I expected yeah there was so much struggle and and pain yeah but you're there now
00:58:48
so you know I still feel it shut up you're emotionally uh you're getting
00:58:55
real emotional lately I think it's like a new you're finding a new you now that
00:58:59
you're single I like it he's reflective I've been very reflective and um are you
00:59:06
a piece are you at peace what does that mean are you at peace yeah I know what it means but I'm trying
00:59:11
to think about what well then why'd you [ __ ] ask me what it means when I ask
00:59:15
that I'm trying to think about the answer oh well then take some more time yeah yeah what do you mean by that no am
00:59:20
I at peace no like look here's something that we we can address on the show uh we had kalila fill in for you I want
00:59:29
to talk about this everybody uh everybody who watched it that had something negative to say
00:59:35
um didn't understand that [ __ ] Vibe because I think what you can communicate
00:59:40
it better but the idea that people have are throwing stones at kalila is wild because also
00:59:48
they'd be like way to go Santino like like I had anything to do with it listen
00:59:52
I was in a jam I was out of town and and this production that I was working on they needed me for extra days I couldn't
01:00:00
get back in town in time and she filled in for me last minute she did a great job and she did a great job at number
01:00:06
one number two on people to know that she's always going to be a part of my life and I love her like she's family
01:00:13
she is family I love her I love her so [ __ ] much careful [ __ ] yeah yeah right
01:00:20
she's she is the only person that I can rely on 100 percent she um we're still like children like we
01:00:30
when we see each other it's just like there's a connection and same a family a family kind of VI no the
01:00:38
jokes are not going to work right now when people attack her online right um listen I feel great about a
01:00:53
relationship right it was a good run it was a great run I don't feel resentment
01:00:58
I feel like it it only helped me on different levels you know emotionally um my place in the world you know what I
01:01:08
want I mean she brought a lot of great things out of me and I um and whenever I see people say negative
01:01:14
things online about her it really breaks my heart it's like you're attacking me
01:01:17
in a weird way well here's what's interesting two things one I think people forget that like we're all this
01:01:22
is like a family we're like a family together yeah and obviously when we're
01:01:26
[ __ ] around and joking around with storyline on the show that's half of the
01:01:29
fun of the show and the other thing is I think what's [ __ ] about people that view a
01:01:33
relationship in one little Viewpoint it's like when somebody retires from playing a professional athlete
01:01:40
and all they're thinking about is the one game that they played poorly is as
01:01:45
if that's going to accomplish their entire career there was ups and downs there was great things and bad things
01:01:50
and trades and blah blah and to me it's like that's what that relationship was
01:01:54
to there was a lot of UPS there was Downs there was learning curves there was changes as people and you grew and
01:01:59
then when it was over it was still a good thing it helped both of you in different ways and that's the
01:02:04
the mature thing that I will give you got you a lot of credit for is that you ju you you took what you
01:02:11
got from it on a positive note and the negative stuff you let go away because now you're both [ __ ] moving forward
01:02:18
in life yeah I think that's how the [ __ ] mature way to look at all that stuff which you did very well I also
01:02:25
wanna I like what you said about like the family aspect of it man this is our we're all like you know I've heard a
01:02:32
couple of people go why are you opening for Tom Segura this week I know you called me and you said that people were
01:02:37
like saying that and I'm like yeah but it's like I don't look it that way it's
01:02:40
like he's family yeah I'm gonna have fun with him you know at his show and that's how I see it it's like we you
01:02:46
know when we see each other you know on the road or at the clubs or when we call
01:02:50
each other there really is a camaraderie and a connection and um we'll I think
01:02:56
that's why the East Coast and West Coast scene is different in the sense that we never had
01:03:01
this kind of connection now everyone we're growing all together we bring this
01:03:07
little one in you know because we want to help her because we see that she's
01:03:09
the Next Generation I mean this is how it all works yeah yeah so what an incredible show for the audience you and
01:03:16
Tom Segura yeah it's amazing it's an insane yeah yeah yeah but I think that's
01:03:20
what people need to remember and keep in mind as much fun as we want to have on the show and we always do
01:03:25
yeah and people keep hitting me and Rudy against each other and I just want to say that she is my family now too I love
01:03:32
that girl and it's not a war this is all for fun and by the way when we play into
01:03:36
the war that's even the funny the funnier thing is that's the whole point
01:03:38
of it that being said Carlos is still well yeah on our [ __ ] list yeah yeah but
01:03:44
that that's just the way that that's the way it's going to be I was proven not
01:03:46
guilty though that's true yeah no I was there I was at I was on the trial my my
01:03:50
uh my brother was the judge but I do have to say that I do love you man and um I really do there's something
01:03:57
about you that like I just trust cool and um you know I love you know I went to the Philippines with
01:04:04
Andreas oh my God and I you know there's just a working relationship and a you
01:04:10
know and I want to get to know you better but I feel like we grew up a little bit closer no yeah what's wrong
01:04:15
with you man what I'm trying to [ __ ] what is [ __ ] wrong with you I'm
01:04:19
trying to bond with you and you're like with your moist Spanish lips and you're
01:04:23
like googly-eyed what right I just [ __ ] take it in man I'm trying I think people can't understand an
01:04:30
amicable breakup I know in my life I've seen so many people like even parents
01:04:33
dating people and break it and then you just never talk to each other again yeah
01:04:37
so I think a lot of that outrage is like from their personal experience so you guys I think are setting a really cool
01:04:42
example of how two people can break up but still move on and be friends and be cool yeah people I know dudes are like
01:04:50
well we don't [ __ ] anymore so I'm not seeing it's like that was your
01:04:53
relationship only [ __ ] only [ __ ] yeah you know what I mean it's like no it's about being with somebody and
01:04:59
intimate being intimate and sharing your dreams and your frustrations and your fear your trauma and your fears and all
01:05:06
this stuff right and you're you develop a friendship and a relationship like you
01:05:11
know I'm friends with Sarah Hyland still because we had we only did it for a
01:05:14
couple years but I love that girl and we she when bad things happen to me Sarah's
01:05:20
one of the first people to call me and go are you okay people just want stuff black and white yeah people want things
01:05:26
to be cut and dried this way or that way and that's never been the case but it
01:05:31
that you know also it's your [ __ ] life it's my life it's your [ __ ] life
01:05:35
yeah and it's been a good one it's a great one it's not over yet well we do
01:05:39
want to announce something what if that was it well you're gonna live yeah we found out that it's just
01:05:49
toe cancer yeah it's tokenso yeah uh I'm glad that you're back for a heartbeat
01:05:55
we're both busy bees and so busy you're going to New York to go film so in the
01:05:59
future if we do have other people feeling on the show that's because we're
01:06:02
both [ __ ] trying our best to bring you guys episodes every [ __ ] week and it's in November and December I've
01:06:07
cleared my I'm doing I'm doing Esther's movie in November but then I'm in town
01:06:12
did she write a movie she co-wrote her with Nick gooson she did oh the goose the goose
01:06:19
great people can you say who's in it yeah I know Haley Joel Osmond's in it oh
01:06:24
yeah wow yeah he's great yeah I think he dropped out did he really so funny yeah
01:06:28
no I'm being serious the whole reason why I'm doing the movie no I think he's
01:06:32
back in actually do you think he still sees dead people yes uh yeah maybe he's
01:06:37
older now though yeah you lose the sense I think you would if you saw them when you were young you
01:06:44
would lose them I played him in a golf in a golf tournament for charity yeah was he nice I beat him no he's very nice
01:06:50
he's a cool teams are very cool he should do that movie part two yeah but now he's still bits of Comedy what's
01:07:01
the seven cents yeah do you know how sometimes they have those people that say they've been like sexually uh [ __ ]
01:07:06
in the middle of the night by Poltergeist like have you ever seen this do you know that you don't know do you
01:07:10
not know this there's people that have accounts that they say they've woken up
01:07:13
and they're being [ __ ] by a ghost I swear I got real things they're called crazy
01:07:18
people no they're not dude this is oh these are real people there's a 1-800
01:07:21
number for it really no it's just the sexual but just you've been [ __ ] by a
01:07:26
ghost let's call that goat I was [ __ ] by a ghost ghost right by ghost yeah look at this I got [ __ ] by a
01:07:34
ghost see I'm telling you there's people that have been [ __ ] by a ghost wow
01:07:37
look it's on all caps like they wrote it right I got [ __ ] by a ghost now would
01:07:41
it be scarier I'm gonna can I ask you a question let me ask you a question if you were sexually assaulted right I
01:07:50
think you're gonna say if you were a ghost no no I just wanna okay let's can
01:07:54
I just just say if I can handle it go ahead okay if it looked like Casper okay or it
01:08:01
looked like a human kind of half ghost what would you rather have oh God and Casper's friendly yeah Casper it's just
01:08:09
cute I you know I don't think I would be that mad that he's like oh I'm [ __ ]
01:08:13
you yeah yeah that type of thing yeah I would be like that guy I would be like I'm tripping this isn't real yeah
01:08:22
well then he not Casper it blows a massive Village and it just Fades away just like all the other men in my life
01:08:32
Well he kind of looks like him yeah he does yeah he comes and he just kind of comes all goes inside maybe it's him
01:08:39
yeah yeah well yeah but there's people that have been [ __ ] by ghosts in the
01:08:44
middle of them he might be I might be sperm yeah yeah oh that's not I don't
01:08:48
like that yeah the look is weird yeah his friends they look like they're up to no good yeah
01:08:56
don't leave the door unlocked or what are the what the green Blobby goes from
01:08:59
Ghostbusters yeah so it would have Slimer pumped you yeah I'd rather Casper first Slimer though let's just see oh
01:09:07
he's scared teeth yeah that's not he'd be good at going down on you though yeah I don't
01:09:14
now let me ask you something yeah that would be a little intrusive yeah just a little bit yeah he looks
01:09:20
repulsive what about Bill Pullman in Casper because he's kind of a hybrid because Bill Pullman dies in the movie
01:09:26
Casper and he kind of looks half human oh I know what you're saying I don't
01:09:31
know what you're saying I want the ghost from the movie Ghost ooh the ghost from ghost ghost from
01:09:37
Ghost what does that mean yeah Patrick Swayze I'll take him right so he sees a penny in your [ __ ] Patrick
01:09:45
Swayze it doesn't even move a penny or something around that table yeah yeah
01:09:49
that goes oh yeah yeah of course yeah that's not a signature that's best
01:09:55
case scenario yeah that's not assault it's not assault if he's hot that's true
01:10:02
as a ghost yeah as a ghost as a ghost interesting did you see um uh Bruce Willis sold his AI rights
01:10:13
do you know this so now you can make movies he can make movies posthumously Keanu Reeves has done that too I believe
01:10:19
he was the first one Keanu was how much I don't know that I don't they didn't
01:10:23
say but you could look it up but he but he he wants to be able to still have his
01:10:28
likeness you know in film and television carry on because you know he's sick
01:10:31
yeah that's incredible yeah look at it it's uh reporter last week the star had sold
01:10:37
the rights to it to his face to a Russian deep fake company called Deep cake allowing the company to use a
01:10:42
digital twin for the actor who retired in March following his diagnosis of aphasia dude and some and they showed a
01:10:47
commercial they already made with him yes it looks good [ __ ] unreal it's unreal insane and how much would let me
01:10:54
ask you something it couldn't work for the rest of your life yeah and we wondered by your likeness what would you
01:10:58
charge God that's tough I know it'd be like you'd have to I bet you he
01:11:06
equated he had an attorney and a someone do analytic to find out how much money he would have potentially made you know
01:11:11
in court they say there's not much money you took away from my potential earnings
01:11:14
he could have made anything he has a disease yeah that has to be in the equation no no they say if this never
01:11:19
happened that's what what I would have made for the rest of my remaining life
01:11:22
and that they do a literally they do the math physics yeah but if you have a disease and you know that you can't work
01:11:27
again yeah right that would still be in the equation so you'd be like there's no
01:11:33
way I could make what would you make in this Heyday he made what 10 15 million dollars a movie yeah he probably walked
01:11:39
with 100 million right at the end of his at the end of his you know so he'd probably make another 10 to 20
01:11:46
more million I don't even know it earned he earned 20 million per year from working films 55 million right so
01:11:53
into that 55 million two thousand yeah he's probably worth 100 million now right so
01:11:58
probably 5 million that's what you'd sell you for a movie no way it's way
01:12:03
more than that I bet for Me Oh I thought for Bruce Willis how much for me how much for me honestly like a male for the
01:12:12
rest of my life I really believe that nine hundred thousand net worth might be a quarter of a
01:12:21
billion but these things are always [ __ ] yeah but maybe that is true I don't know what would you sell yourself
01:12:26
for uh juice if I said today you're never gonna be able to work again but we're gonna buy your likeness how much
01:12:31
today today this is it it's over today that's the point today I'm making about
01:12:36
a hundred dollars of feature acts all right so what are you selling your likeness for we're gonna use you on
01:12:41
stage on screen on stage I'd say two hundred dollars an appearance a year an
01:12:47
appearance no no this is a contract for the rest of your rest of your life let's
01:12:51
do go yearly one some number oh yeah one summer for the rest of your life yeah I
01:12:56
can't work a deal like every appearance goes to my family no we're buying you
01:12:59
out man uh I will say um half a million deal good yeah we're gonna I do whatever so much money on
01:13:10
that whatever you're worth and I'll cut it in half we're gonna make so much
01:13:13
money on that yeah that's a bad deal Carlos for me I mean I don't really go on stages or
01:13:21
anything Bingo yeah so my AI likeness would more be like inside Fancy's MacBook like to help them
01:13:29
on the show also helpful yeah so fancy says no I think a cool 300 Grand no deal no deal there's no way lower
01:13:39
yeah way lower 100 Grand No Deal 10 grand deal and that's a stretch we really have to call it lawyers but
01:13:50
for right now yes that's insane that's so mean we have to call our [ __ ]
01:13:54
lawyer yeah yeah for who who no George I'm Googling it for Tim Washington I'm getting some work I got I went on
01:14:03
the road with Annie yeah yeah Kansas City it was so fun um and this weekend and the weekend
01:14:10
after I'm featuring for Anthony Jeselnik hello I just found out uh um Irvine and Oxnard I think those are
01:14:19
great shows amazing it might be this Pro probably or after but I'm going to say
01:14:24
something to you right now and I can feel this happening okay when we do our tour
01:14:31
I don't care who else you're on the books with that's right this is what I
01:14:35
want to hear your keyboard's link whoever all of it all of it and you're
01:14:39
doing no matter what we're doing you cancel to do ours when I heard about the
01:14:44
store it's all I can it's literally all I can think about 65 000 followers now
01:14:48
she's up to she's that's insane she's moving yeah I still I won't let myself
01:14:51
believe the tour is happening because I have no what did you start with your instagram-wise 13
01:14:56
000 yeah and you're at 65 now would you think I'm at 13 total I did a little bit
01:15:02
Yeah but is that you had 13 000 yeah and now you're at 65 000. yeah how does that
01:15:08
feel it feels great it took a little adjustment there was a period of time not gonna lie because it happened so
01:15:14
fast that I was just I felt like kind of weird um I don't know how to put it into words
01:15:18
quite yet but it I just felt like things were changing really fast but then I kind of grounded how many do you have
01:15:23
Carlos it's like nothing really changed um 6 000 something good Bobby why'd your voice go up and [ __ ]
01:15:32
nervous the followers aren't everything but I don't think it's bad it's great I'm like
01:15:38
uh like a producer I'm like like I shouldn't even have followers so I have
01:15:42
some that's cool yeah that's good yeah oh good so followers aren't everything but it's
01:15:47
in real life when people show up and they know who I am and they like the work and the show and you know so many
01:15:53
people came up to me last night and were like it was so cool to see you I opened
01:15:56
the main room and they're like we saw Santino really sucked Bobby wasn't there
01:15:59
but yeah I was in Hawaii he was on the flyer I called them [ __ ] Monday morning I'm
01:16:05
not going to be there and I thought that he would I don't know they already printed can I tell you when I got to the
01:16:09
store I was working a lot so around sickler came up and told me oh you're opening the show great hey can you do me
01:16:16
a favor and just let the whole crowd know that Bobby and Bert aren't going to
01:16:20
be here so you did that well they ended up telling me right before I went on stage that I didn't have to do that that
01:16:27
they didn't want me to do that that it's comedy store policy because it always
01:16:31
says lineup subject to change that like it they notified everybody but I Was preparing all these riffs and like what
01:16:38
I and I was gonna do it right at the top because I didn't want to hand the show
01:16:41
over to George Perez like with uh yeah sorry to disappoint you here's your husband right so I was like planning all
01:16:47
this [ __ ] by day the show the show was good though it was an arcare again just
01:16:51
she's the best I love her so funny dude she so funny she does the same thing that
01:16:57
Ingram does where she's able to pick people out of the crowd at the same time
01:16:59
as running a bit and incorporate them with stuff she's so [ __ ] funny so great she's our girl we love her love
01:17:05
her all right so look the trial is adjourned we know what happened with uh Carlos he was set free
01:17:12
by Bobby I think we're all kind of set free now by Bobby and uh I feel better yeah yeah I want to say
01:17:21
one last thing about bad friends we're going to do this for a long time I feel it I hope so no I do and I have
01:17:30
to say you know you are probably one of my best friends thank you probably probably yeah probably it hurts but no
01:17:36
doesn't it how how because I physically say you are one of my best friends you
01:17:40
are probably don't say probably I don't need probably yeah just say you are one
01:17:46
of my best friends that's so hard to say you are really I I think I am the best friend just say I'm
01:17:52
one of your best friends out of the ten yes who are the other nine oh for who are
01:17:57
the other five who the other four kalila Gene Gene's a good yeah probably four top four Gene kalila you me Eric
01:18:06
Griffin maybe Eric maybe me your brother yeah he's yeah he's a family that's I
01:18:12
wouldn't come okay that's different yeah am I your friend your sister anyway thank you for being
01:18:18
he winked go ahead and do it thank you for being a bad friend [Music] foreign [Music]