00:00:00
hey bad friends fans we're on tour baby tour baby and this is our last leg what
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is our last one these are one of our last Legs for This chunk and we're going to Jacksonville Florida Jacksonville Florida run guys then we're doing St
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Petersburg Hollywood Florida and then Orlando Florida Jacksonville St Petersburg Hollywood and Orlando come
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out and see us after that we come back to the West Coast baby and we're gonna go to my hometown San Diego yeah we do
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Riverside and San Diego two shows in Riverside and then San Diego and then we go back up to the Northeast but for now
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Florida Riverside San Diego come out and see us in Jacksonville in Orlando in
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Hollywood you're gonna love it you're gonna learn so much about your life go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com
00:00:43
who are these two idiots [Music]
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or something we're bad friends well what we got ourselves a brand new Asian well
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am I being replaced because this is [ __ ] first of all she saying in Jungle Asian I've never said
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that have I no roll the tape yeah and also I love all people I know
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there's some some there's some Asians I don't even know what island they're from those are all the weird ones so many of
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you guys there's so many more there's different varieties I love it look at these got his gooner jersey on my boy you know what I'm so sorry I I um I love
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you I love your soups I love your movies what was it full metal jacket
00:01:31
really good movie a classic it was really good who directed it Coop Cube
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The Coop have you seen it oh yeah coopsy boobsy baby really you've seen it I've seen it what is it about the Army yeah
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and Wells and a really tough jacket well it is full metal yeah it is a full
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metal it's tough she's not wrong it's not adamantium steel like no Marine wears but it's pretty close yeah pretty
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good so we got ourselves a brand new Asian you have to announce yourself why because you're gonna be on camera yeah she's she's on camera she's my new
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Carlos she's my new Carlos much better looking will you introduce
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I think I got dropped in my head 99.9 of Asians are high quiet sweet polite just
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like lovable wonderful people and then there's you yeah my dad goes pick me up as a baby girl this one broke
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[ __ ] idiot I try to shove you back in your mom yeah
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there was something wrong with me since day one well she's from uh where your mother lives she's a she is a Phoenician
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as it were we got a new Arizona uh Phoenician in our mid so we got two AZ scumbags in the house because I saw you
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at my house the other day right yes and you were with who are you are you coming up with I thought she was with David so
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and Tim what's his last name and
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um I always call them Tim Cucamonga I don't know why because you know what I would say his last name but it sounds right
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yeah yeah but um and I thought oh Dave and Tim brought a you know their
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daughter I don't know what it was you know what I mean but then she works for us she works for us now amazing and I saw she has a tattoo right in the middle
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of her chest it's undeniable to you have to see it it's like she's pulling Focus what does the tattoo say it says it says
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666 and I was like what does that mean to you when she looks at it it's 999 that's
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right so that's what she said yeah yeah um 666 is the mark of Satan the mark of
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the beast or the Beast Beelzebub and then I don't know if you guys know that but they just approved uh Satanism
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to be taught in schools yeah yeah is that what it says
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that's her name the area code what is it that's her name that was her mother's pet name
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come here two yeah two two that's what it sounds like when I'm making love actual song anyway um no two to two
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because it's what explain it in the mic say what it is it means like alignment and that if you're on like a path that
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you feel like you're it's like kind of Rocky it's like no you're on the right path this is a tattoo that only someone
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from Arizona would have right because boy oh boy is a treacherous out there it's pretty stretch for us well so um
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there's a lot of people like you out there huh a lot of babies yeah yeah a lot of hippie dippies it's a hippie Vibe right
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do you like the Grateful Dead
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really dude I don't want to hear a jam in G major for 45 minutes
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they Jam for like 45 [ __ ] minutes I love them it's fun big fan you like them
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it was lead singer's name uh close I heard the first part yeah almost
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Ted no yeah Jim yeah that's her that's
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his name gems yeah how'd you know Ted gems cat gems was the lead singer his name
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was Jerry Garcia oh right right right there's an ice cream named after him I thought you meant the guitar how many
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fingers did he have at least eight true pretty good nine he had nine and a
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half nine and a half yeah a little stubby Bubby my girlfriend in high school her brother was like a huge deadhead yeah or well
00:05:22
just a fan of of Jerry Garcia and there was like an iconic poster that has his
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hand prints on it and one finger is obviously missing whoa and every time I
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went in there I thought he's gonna do that to me because he finds out I'm [ __ ] his sister he's gonna [ __ ]
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Yakuza he was oh he was yeah he was he was yucked up he was yucked up doubt
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yeah when yakuz are yucked up they're yoked up dog can I play you guys a song that struck me this week and we're gonna
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be free and clear on this song Can you acapella no no but I want you to hear some of it but I think we won't get clipped for this because it's public
00:05:55
right because it's PBS I don't want to live on the moon type
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that in my buddy Chris O'Connor shout out to Connie's sent it to me I've been listening to it all week
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I don't want to live on the moon [Music]
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cause I don't want to live on the moon no I don't
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want to live on the moon
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you came in I relate to Ernie so much this is what you sing when you're in Australia missing your wife no you know
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what honestly it's a metaphor for it that's written for adults maybe a song for kids but that's definitely for
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adults I literally thought it was good the last line was gonna be something crazy I know
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you did yeah yeah but I wanted to start it with away from the heart I wanted the show to start from a very sweet simple
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place and let me tell you something that song is so deep and so perfect so simple I thought he was gonna say you know I
00:07:01
don't want to live on the moon you don't mean like some I think twists
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implied yeah yeah because he's gay oh yeah well first of all are they not
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allowed on the moon no but I just thought that the ant there was going to be a payoff at the end I know you did two minutes I know you did
00:07:20
I wanted you to take that in and really absorb that song well the end is him getting back into bed with Bert and no
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no I observe they don't have a double that they have twin brothers yeah they push them they push them together oh they do at the end oh yeah yeah that's
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the unedited version Oh really the explicit version he pushes about together and they start 69ing and you're
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like this is made for adults yep oh I see I Don't Wanna Live on the moon how
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beautiful you know what dude if I think about it it's so stunning and beautiful because
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think about it dude okay you ever looked at the Moon I want to go out there and then you
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think what am I going to do when I get out there I gotta I got to be back here by everybody I love yeah I mean if I was
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on the mood die you would die you would die too no way I'd be prepped you wouldn't bring [ __ ] I wouldn't even
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bring the thing Carlos would call you the car to the Moon you get the car to the Moon hey man you
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have a 7am pickup you'd make it I'd show up nothing you'd pack nothing right dude shoot me up everyone has their helmets
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on in the suit I got nothing you have an Arsenal jersey yeah and a vape can I Vape in space that'd be their first
00:08:25
question can I walk out and I just implode yeah you would implode you turn
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into that dust packet from ramen noodles no Wi-Fi on the moon cats can't switch on the moon dog I think you
00:08:37
can you switch on the moon I'll tell you why yeah because um why flies from satellites boom
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there's Wi-Fi nice try Jess yeah satellites guess where they are space
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not in the sea are they in the sea they are they
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absolutely are they're in the sea yeah I'm learning a lot about space what is wrong with you today dude I don't know man I know you're do you know what let
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me say something to you that hit me in a weird way Jolly right now that hit me in a way you know what it really is it made
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me I missed home we got home and I thought that's what that song is about that song is about being back with the
00:09:14
people that you love and the tour bus is the moon the tour bus is the moon I don't want to live on the [ __ ] moon
00:09:19
but we got visiting we can visit the Boon we can visit the moon and then I learn about space I learn Divine divine
00:09:27
Heavenly wait Divine geometry there is 108 108 moons in between the Moon and
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the Earth and there's 108 suns in between the Sun and the Earth you tell me that's not [ __ ] crazy
00:09:49
yeah I could tell a little bit yeah I don't like it 108. look at that Jesus Christ Divine geometry look at this
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there's 108 Suns between the Sun and the Earth there's 108 moons between the Moon and the Earth you telling me that's not
00:10:01
wait wait between the Moon and the Earth there's 108 moons between the Sun and
00:10:07
the Earth there's 108 something asteroids they're not [ __ ] they're not moons I think it means like distance
00:10:13
distance dog they're not really the moons I mean she's got it there oh 108 moons if you put them together yeah yeah
00:10:19
I think that there's 108 moons in between two [ __ ] things this is how much I've never seen that I'm [ __ ]
00:10:25
that's how much I like the movie Dean when you finally got it she clapped a little bit she went like this oh you got it
00:10:45
you with tits he has tits yeah yeah before you get your hair cut yeah you
00:10:52
now look like your son all the tour you've looked like my daughter would be hottie no chance [ __ ] yeah no chance first of all I would have her underwear
00:10:59
would be made out of [ __ ] cage yeah because she was showing her butthole to everybody yeah yeah the butthole Queen
00:11:05
her pothole will be losing her vagina no one's been there all right she's Catholic yeah you let him in the back
00:11:10
you're the back in the back door yeah that would not be your daughter I'm sorry dude first of all what would my daughter look like that not good
00:11:16
offensive what because if I did if I [ __ ] had a baby with like Glenn Close doesn't matter
00:11:23
right it would look like you know what it would look like an Explorer oh yeah
00:11:28
yeah with Glenn Close an Explorer yeah like you know he travels to Seas or she they oh they let you let your daughter
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choose their gender bud don't get too far ahead of yourself yeah it's not even alive yet you'd have a
00:11:41
good looking kid I take it back you're a hot guy I I am stoned I know I know you are but
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if you look at my photo of when I was 20 I looked okay you look really cute I did this to myself
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dude what's wrong with you right now nothing I like it sing the song for me
00:12:00
oh I'd like to live for no more no I don't want to live on it I want to live
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on the moon yeah you do see this is the problem that's what that that's why Ernie wrote that song because it's for people like you that think they can live
00:12:11
on the moon all the time this was a lesson I'm trying to impart on you can't live on the moon all the time man I think you're saying this that
00:12:18
um we're we should be grateful for war where we are that's right that's what the song is really about it's about I
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just wanted to bless the room with something peaceful and wonderful to start yeah it's really beautiful dude I
00:12:28
really think it is yeah there was this comic named Peter Chan yeah you know Peter Chang I don't
00:12:35
um first of all when I came to La he um was at like a 50 year old Asian guy he did his own documentary about his life
00:12:41
Peter Chen so he was 50 years old he goes I'm the Asia around here right I
00:12:47
don't know what you're doing up here go back to San Diego I remember you telling me this right yeah and I got all right dude relax right he was right though but
00:12:54
he had he had the best he would write his own comebacks okay I don't want to
00:13:01
do happy ones you know I'm not gonna do the one like you don't bother me when I'm walking right I don't go to your
00:13:06
work and slap the dick out your mouth yeah those are great those are you know these are hacky hear I mean no they're great so he did this
00:13:12
if someone would hack a Lego you Heckle one more time I stick you on the rocket ship shoot you to the Moon
00:13:19
that was his [ __ ] comeback that's pretty good everyone in the back would be like ah you hear me because I'll just
00:13:24
be what the [ __ ] but they're clean but the assumption is he's Asian must know math must be engineer must be able to
00:13:30
get somebody to the Moon I see it clear as day dude that's actually a very good [ __ ] you're in right now it's a deep
00:13:37
joke it's pretty deep can I tell you a street joke yeah I'll have some I got a street joke for you you guys is it clean
00:13:42
yeah good kind of kind of clean Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are in a
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bar I've heard this one before you told me yeah you told all of us the other day at
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dinner I'm not gonna laugh You're gonna laugh oh I see differently though all right there's Joe and his Chinamen
00:14:01
are in a bar yeah okay and juice stands up punches to Chin him in
00:14:08
the face I hate this joke and he said that's for Pearl Harbor and China says that was the Japanese he
00:14:13
goes Chinese Japanese all the same to me moments later Chinese guy gets up cracks
00:14:19
the Jew right in her mouth you says what was that for says the Titanic and he says that that was an iceberg
00:14:27
and he says Iceberg Steinberg it's all the same to me you like it
00:14:33
[Music] the best thing you told it it was way
00:14:38
longer yeah yeah I sped it up yeah I sped it up sorry I made a joke sorry man
00:14:44
you know the grasshopper walk in the barge I like that job huh you know that joke no you know this joke um I don't
00:14:49
know grasshop rocks in the bar Partners goes hey we have a drink name after you grasshopper says you have a drink named
00:14:55
Steve that's good that's good it's a good one dude Street jokes I love don't you love
00:15:01
Street jokes I do they're so fun yeah yeah they're so simple and so easy there's nothing to them yeah they don't mean anything a gay couple are living
00:15:08
together here we go and this is not that funny in sin by the
00:15:15
way go ahead so um they're living together they're in love they love it right and um one guy you know he's a
00:15:21
stay-at-home husband and the other guy works you know what I mean and one morning uh the businessman that's in the
00:15:28
relationship gets up to go to work and he sees his partner jerking off to into a condom
00:15:33
into a condom yeah into economy goes what are you doing man he goes I'm just packing your lunch [Laughter]
00:15:42
that's a great joke you got one yeah my dad won it at dinner
00:15:47
oh give me the one your dad told I didn't know if I was so excited to tell this to everybody yeah it's a good joke it's this older couple
00:15:54
um they both go to doctor because they're having memory problems doctor says no it's fine just write everything down so like today they're getting uh he
00:16:02
goes like do you want some ice cream she goes yeah I want I want chocolate and vanilla but write that down he goes I'll remember it and she goes okay but I want
00:16:09
sprinkles too and write that down he goes all right no I'll remember it she goes and I want a cherry on top are you
00:16:15
writing this down he goes no don't worry I'll remember it so he comes back like 30 minutes later with a plate of bacon
00:16:21
and eggs and she goes what the hell are you doing I asked for toast with that
00:16:29
I've heard it before I like that yes can I tell you the longest joke I've ever heard we got nothing but time
00:16:36
it's a lot it's a long jump how much of this is going to be cut I I'm loving it
00:16:41
all okay good all right so this is the longest joke yeah I know it's pretty long okay
00:16:48
I'm here all right so there was a great magician named Fernando the Magnificent
00:16:55
right sold out Vegas residency in Vegas sell out sell out sell out for years 20
00:17:00
years sell out every night one of the best magicians and he goes you know what I'm gonna retire I'm gonna do my final show right so he goes I need to come up
00:17:07
with a [ __ ] magic trick right that's gonna blow everyone's Minds away and so he's he's sitting there sitting there
00:17:13
riding it working on it and he [ __ ] figures it out okay so final show now Fernando the Magnificent okay and he
00:17:21
goes for my lap toward the end of the show he goes for my last act I need a volunteer I need the strongest man
00:17:27
in the room to help um help me with this next um trick and um no one raises his
00:17:33
hand come on the strongest guy please and all of a sudden one hand in the audience six foot eight redneck you know
00:17:42
what I mean thick muscular you know because hey man I'll try right come on what's your name
00:17:49
my name is Bubba all right so Bubba see that middle back bat see that metal bat
00:17:55
on the stage bubble goes uh-huh I want you to swing that pad and hit me in the face
00:18:00
foreign I want to let you know I'm really strong I'll [ __ ] kill you dude so I'm not
00:18:06
gonna do that and he goes hey man come on just like it's a magic trick I got it right just swing it
00:18:14
into my face it's a magic trick I'm not gonna get hurt all right man all right
00:18:19
here we go he swings back hits Fernando in the face open
00:18:28
his eyes rolled up he goes into convulsions he hits his back he goes into coma you're right cut to now the
00:18:35
hospital I know where this is going I don't know
00:18:41
right Fernando so Bubba quits his job he lives in Alabama he quit his job
00:18:47
because he feels so bad that he almost killed Fernando the Magnificent so he's at his bedside every day
00:18:54
right [Laughter] that's later right doctor comes in hey
00:19:01
I'm sorry baba but we're gonna have to take him off life of support because um there's just no sign of activity yeah
00:19:07
and Bubba Goes look it is Pinky and you see Fernando's pinky moving like
00:19:12
this and the doc and the doctor goes okay that's a sign I'll come back a month
00:19:18
later I'm sorry one pinky is not gonna do it look both pinkies every month he comes in this doctor
00:19:24
every finger a new finger is moving right right
00:19:31
so then a year goes by whatever right well um 10 months go by all the fingers are moving right
00:19:37
and the doctor comes in and goes um listen I know the fingers are moving but we just you got to take them off life support because his eyes are opening so
00:19:44
Fernando's eyes starts opening he looks at the doctor looks at Buddha Bubba and
00:19:50
then he goes [Laughter]
00:19:55
I knew it I knew it I feel like you've told that joke on this show have I told that joke before I think so yeah then
00:20:01
why'd you make me [ __ ] mean again worth it worth it tell her to get you piece of [ __ ] the energy today feels
00:20:08
like it's at the right time I'll take the best of yeah
00:20:13
doordash you know what Andrew I love getting delivery yeah you do and I love delivery apps but my favorite one is
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you sign up at butcherbox.com bad friends and use code bad friends what is
00:22:55
wrong with your smiling I like it yeah yeah when did you get high about 20 minutes ago why
00:23:03
I was coming here I I know but you never done that you know out of I'm not high I'm not high
00:23:10
oh you're not no oh look oh my God I think he's lying though I think you're lying yeah what's wrong
00:23:17
with you that there's like there's a namaste about you yeah dude I'm trying to Zen you're like peace I'm trying to
00:23:22
[ __ ] Zen oh you're zoned out right you didn't want to do this show and he said well I'll I'll do some edibles
00:23:27
before coming yeah he told me he didn't want to do the show today I didn't I'm just so tired same yeah hour and then I
00:23:35
I haven't packed same I'm doing laundry okay yeah and I just asked still showed up
00:23:42
for the show and I'm here too did a pod before this I'm here I did two yesterday I know you did you called me from with
00:23:48
Meghan Trainor yeah yeah wow what that's cool it's okay it's fine she literally
00:23:54
is her I love her old family they're the best they are actually her whole family is wonderful I had we had dinner with them she had dinner with my parents she
00:24:00
told my parents in Australia Australia is that your brand juice yes that's the movie Juice
00:24:07
so let's shake it up ready hold on let me just start I'm sorry you show your butthole
00:24:14
ten thousand dollars you look like a race car driver yeah like in the best way possible you look like you raced
00:24:20
Mario retirement yeah [ __ ]
00:24:26
let's go let's start new sorry let's start fresh welcome to another episode of bad friends my name is Bobby and um
00:24:32
you know what dude I've been thinking about the moon we're even thinking about the moon I don't want to understand me
00:24:38
neither that would be terrible yeah it did too far and but um I would visit it like Armstrong did
00:24:43
Lance or Louis did Lance go all the way up with her nut cancer that's Lance did
00:24:49
you buy one of those yellow bands back in the day no I bought I bought what's a yellow mean remember he had like the
00:24:56
Live Strong bracelets I bought a [ __ ] load of them is it because of this steroids or the cancer both one led to
00:25:02
the other I guess no but they were two dollars and then one dollar went to cancer research and the other one went you know to the to the production of it
00:25:08
you can still buy Livestrong bracelets oh that's amazing why don't we have bad friends bracelets
00:25:15
we should have a particular research yeah but what should the dot what should the donation be so a dollar goes to the
00:25:21
production and a dollar goes to what our charity of choice we should do that yeah the charity is um well I think somebody needs to find my
00:25:28
uh you know video game play cannot be you oh it has to be a third party can't be you
00:25:33
um something you care about around the world what do I really care about honestly um stilts for dwarves stilts were a big
00:25:40
stilt family because I think that they can be taller they can be
00:25:46
you know or that operation can I just say something you know the operation where they sever the bones in China they
00:25:52
do it they sever the bones when Chinese people are short and then they can't
00:25:57
walk for a year but then the girls the bone grows in yeah and they become taller yeah with a callus on it or
00:26:03
something they insert some bone in there can we do that limb lengthening surgery can we do that we can yeah yeah we can
00:26:08
do oh did you get your limbs lengthened what would you get your limbs lengthened
00:26:13
um no because I don't want my just my legs I look weird so funny if you had super long legs me yeah you look like a
00:26:21
lollipop if you had really long legs well I would do with stuff to my upper body so that
00:26:26
it would match like what sit-ups Dad no oh yeah I would look like a lollipop yeah he'd be a lollipop or like those
00:26:33
cake pops at Starbucks yes yeah yeah interesting what would you get done
00:26:39
if you could get a cosmetic surgery what would you get done um I probably would
00:26:46
if I could do if I could like have a like like a body um thing it probably genuinely would be I'd get a butt butt
00:26:52
injection I'd get bigger butt whoa I want a big trunk dude I I think you're I think you're right
00:27:00
about the area but can I say something what tighten up my butthole you think no
00:27:05
that pipe's been I saw your butthole on the tour bus yeah can I share that
00:27:10
what'd you see inside of there not inside it's you you need rectal darkening I need to I know I need some
00:27:16
coloring it's way too pink can you tattoo the inside of your teeth you should be able to do it because it's like it was so pink it looked like a
00:27:23
octopus [ __ ] is that octopus [ __ ] did you see
00:27:28
anything hanging out in there no it was because I've had a guy very clean well I've had a temporary resident in there
00:27:34
sometimes like a mouse a hemorrhoid I've had a tenant I'm like what are you
00:27:39
Richard here I've had a tenant that's uh not paying rent I got to tell you and he comes and goes as he pleases can you see it I have
00:27:47
the outside I have a hemorrhoid that's squatting right now like if you showed me to your butthole would I be able to see its little eyes stick out yeah does
00:27:54
it hurt sometimes yeah it does sometimes it hurts but I you know I got it probably from
00:28:00
you know what I mean yeah yeah you this well you know be cool about stress that's what they're from stress
00:28:06
the seashells with the little slugs in it with their beautiful eyes and they look so cute yeah right why can't
00:28:12
hemorrhoids have that that's true sticking out your butt little eyes sticking out that'd be so cute yeah yeah one point and looking around yeah that
00:28:19
would be less stressed yeah I gotta be less stressed I know you could be less stressed if it was cute like that yeah like no that'd be more stressed because
00:28:25
everybody would want to see it dude if that was your hemroid look at the little eyes that's so cute hey Charlie hey guys yeah yeah oh that'd
00:28:34
be great can I do five minutes to open the show yeah Charlie you bombed last week we're not gonna let you do it twice come on I
00:28:39
got some good ones my dad had a skin tag in his pain he had a hanger huh
00:28:46
wait how did you see your dad's taint bud this is a story I guess we gotta hear
00:28:53
we go when I was a kid he took me to a Korean spa
00:28:59
and you know Korean if you go to Korean spot they stretch they get naked and stretch yeah they do and they make one
00:29:04
noise oh close I go I go I go I go
00:29:10
in a row so they stretch and one day I was just sitting there on like uh
00:29:16
bench and my dad was going I go and he bent over and there was a skin tag and
00:29:21
in my head this is how [ __ ] crazy I was I I heard the skin tag talk and you know
00:29:28
what he said help help he's trapped right and then I would have like this inner like dialogue
00:29:35
with the skin tag like why didn't you go up in in the neck where all the other skin tags are
00:29:40
what you grew in the wrong place no he got lost I know he got lost transfer that over to the neck you can't
00:29:47
yeah imagine ruining a I mean removing a skin tag and then placing it somewhere else on your body from your taint to
00:29:53
your neck here yeah yeah yeah honestly I've never seen my dad's taint I can't believe you got this have you seen your
00:29:59
dad's General penis yeah every boy sees their dad's penis there we go yeah you do yeah yeah my dad got out of the
00:30:05
shower I was like seven and he go and I was like oh sorry and I walked in he goes get over here
00:30:11
and I came back in and he goes you like wind I go wind yeah he goes you like Mills
00:30:18
they go Mills yeah he goes what about windmills any windows and he just windmilled it and honestly
00:30:26
it was so big I heard [Laughter] that's hilarious it was nuts you know
00:30:33
what my dad used to do what he I don't know why but he heard about the pink pull my finger
00:30:38
but he didn't know that there was a fart I pull it nothing would happen what did
00:30:45
he think that was good you're supposed to be a fart at the end of that Dad
00:30:52
by the way you want to know what fine we're actually going to catch on the road the amount of times Bobby's farted into the mic I guarantee you we're
00:30:58
getting [ __ ] for something I've had so many good ones out they've been awesome that had been pretty impressive there
00:31:03
was one like machine gun Vietnam because your butt is angular thank you
00:31:12
thank you it is and it does and it has the perfect slappy-pappy sound exactly it does yeah it's got like little bat
00:31:17
wings that's what I've been doing though yeah yeah I have a very good butthole that is your butt that is a hundred
00:31:23
percent oh my God that's my butt you have Hank Hill's butt I can't kill somebody that's amazing damn it Bobby I got that
00:31:29
surgically done you did yeah yeah so have you seen that guy that's gotten um
00:31:35
all his surgery he's gotten muscles fake muscles put in his whole body he's like Russian or something he's got so look a
00:31:42
hundred percent of all of his body has been surgically done look at this look
00:31:48
at this look at this that's one of the cases that's not the main guy that but this is them injecting fake muscles into
00:31:53
them they they're not strong these guys can't lift anything but it's all like different chemicals and Waters and
00:31:59
solutions and saline and [ __ ] it they look like Popeye this guy got fake those
00:32:04
are fake abs they're injected are they drawn in no dude those are that's put into his body that's like a physical
00:32:10
piece look at his face well that's not a NAB his face isn't an app oh that's an
00:32:16
abscess that's different yeah it looks manufactured I mean and let me ask you something being the only girl you're a
00:32:21
girl too you like more of a kid though hold on though oh my God what a moment that just
00:32:28
happened I I'm a girl I never saw my dad's penis no we say guys get to see their dad's
00:32:33
peanut girls you see the reason why I said that I'm so sorry to apologize did that hurt your feelings no
00:32:42
no right yeah but can I tell you why I said that because I don't view you as a
00:32:49
man or a woman I view as a comedian up here
00:32:54
[ __ ] no you know what's so funny I couldn't agree with you more yeah yeah couldn't agree with you more yeah I don't treat
00:33:01
you like like I would any other comedian that opens for us that's right and
00:33:06
that's my slave you know that's beautiful I don't see you as a man either
00:33:14
okay I could take that you know what I'll take that what do you view me as a comedian okay thank you and that's
00:33:21
good what do you view me as also a comedian okay I was waiting let me ask you to the lady
00:33:28
let me ask the two ladies in the room is that sexy to you no no fake muscle guy no chance but why
00:33:36
do they do it then it's for cell phone they feel like that's going to help their image anyway
00:33:42
sad sad sad I liked my body I like your body yeah it's Blobby it's not Blobby
00:33:48
yeah what do you think Blobby Bobby it's Bobby it's Blobby yeah yeah you're Blobby you remind me of a stress ball
00:33:58
let me think about it yeah no to me it hurt why stress ball first
00:34:05
of all everybody wants because because they're squeezable everybody wants to touch them yeah okay they feel relaxed
00:34:12
tell me when I've said something that's not correct about you being a stress about metaphor stress ball everybody wants to touch it
00:34:18
right okay let me see can I finish let me just say true or false for after everyone fine so say it again everybody
00:34:24
wants to touch it Bing true it's soft
00:34:30
and sweet true
00:34:35
it's disposable you can throw it away whenever you're done with it [Music]
00:34:43
I was really waiting on the false sounds you are a stress ball yeah
00:34:49
you know what you are driftwood hell yeah [ __ ] yeah dead wood yes
00:34:55
floating along the [ __ ] River misshapen I can't wait till a beaver uses me true dry
00:35:04
true yeah unfuckable true you've never seen a good piece of
00:35:09
Driftwood you wanted to stick yeah you ever seen a beaver's dam I want to [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of this thing yeah
00:35:16
show me a good old Beaver Dam I'll show you a boner right here in the studio when you just said that it's interesting
00:35:22
because if I had my personality in a beaver I wouldn't have a damn
00:35:28
yeah because you have to work really hard to make one look at those two beavers if that's you and I right that's you and I right first of all you're the
00:35:35
front you're sleeping oh that well because you know it's that's a Tempur-Pedic log he's sleeping on
00:35:41
I don't know if you know that but yeah so I'm sleeping and then you're going come on dude we gotta make the [ __ ]
00:35:47
post about the damn post about the damn they're No One's
00:35:52
Gonna Know it's here post about it right so um no that it
00:35:59
that it honestly you would be the worst Beaver you'd die no you do you need a damn to live as a beaver why did they
00:36:05
build them I think Flex you think that's a big Flex yeah it's like check out my damn you
00:36:11
know what I mean but I don't need it why do they build Google that I have no idea why I don't know why because it's not
00:36:16
that secure is it maybe they like still water yeah I like that maybe they like
00:36:21
they like let's try to guess why do beavers build a dam I think you know what I think it is breathing I
00:36:28
think it's for breeding yeah yeah it's got to be why do people build dams beavers build dams across streams to create a pond where they can build a
00:36:34
Beaver Lodge to live in these ponds provide protection from predators like wolves coyotes or mountain lions so it's got to be for breeding too no but check
00:36:40
this out check it out I have good people skills the Wolves they love me no they do you're gonna be the one Beaver I'm a
00:36:47
wolf ready oh yeah yeah hey
00:36:53
you're dead already you're dead within seconds let's try again okay you won't get another life in
00:37:00
real life I don't know all right ready hey Rivera remember I gave you the mushroom last week and the nut yeah I'm
00:37:08
just gonna go my way wait wait wait wait wait wait yeah wait wait wait wait yeah wait what where are you from
00:37:14
Korea I'm a Korean beaver you're a creeper
00:37:20
a Graver on you go oh thank you I'd let you go see it there we go I'll be
00:37:25
friends with all the Predators I guess that's true yeah yeah but then you'd attract them back to the dance
00:37:31
what she's saying is they would be like I want to hang out and go see that guy but then they would let one guy in the
00:37:37
circle would be like I know we like hanging out with them but we should [ __ ] eat them right but then I would have a side deal with that guy although
00:37:43
you can eat all my friends oh yeah it's a [ __ ] sign which beavers in the room are you throwing under the bus first oh
00:37:49
[ __ ] probably you yeah you're gone yeah gone dude um the Asian one you're gone
00:37:55
yeah um and then you're last I'm not kidding I'm Gone by that time because you've tipped me off I'm running away
00:38:00
guys I'm going to get more wood wink wink [ __ ] what I would have done is wrote written a letter on a piece of
00:38:07
bark right run run yeah dear Andrew run so I'd hand it to
00:38:13
you well you I know these are my [ __ ] walls friends yeah yeah yeah yeah [Laughter]
00:38:19
broom with room you can shop thousands of cars right from your phone and have your next ride delivered straight to you
00:38:25
you guys you know I just bought a car and you know what I hate going in this hot summer going to these lots and you
00:38:33
get sweaty yeah right and you have to walk around I'm hungry you're hungry you're thirsty but you can do all that
00:38:39
from the convenience of your own home my friend you don't have to leave you just get on your phone and get a car that's insane and plus they give you a full
00:38:45
week or 250 miles whichever one comes first to make sure that your new ride is right for you plus all the cars on vroom.com come with a 90-day limited
00:38:52
warranty and one year of roadside assistance Nationwide giving you peace of mind while you're zooming around the road and guess what you can trade in
00:38:58
your old car when you buy your new one or you can even just sell your car to a room when you sell your car on vroom you
00:39:05
get a price instantly and they'll even come pick it up this is how great they were we stole my mom's over car on there
00:39:10
and they gave me a price oh right away didn't have to haggle or hassle or none of that stuff told us what it was swapped it out very easy and we didn't
00:39:17
you don't even have to buy a car from them if you want to sell your car just go ahead and do just that you can buy a car from vroom entirely online so next
00:39:24
time you need to buy a car just grab your phone go to vroom.com and check out thousands of cars that's right grab your
00:39:30
phone go to room.com and check out thousands of cars today that reminds me when we used to sneak
00:39:36
out of high school for lunch like before when we were sophomores or whatever and we'd sneak off campus and
00:39:42
you couldn't do that and we'd sneak back in but we would pay off you know or give or forget weed or something because it
00:39:48
wasn't always money these like home monitor type guys we would just give them whatever they wanted to sneak us
00:39:53
inside doors and they would have that whole like hand of stuff like we can't go down certain hallways oh you had
00:40:00
connections like you can't go down sophomore hall because they'll they'll be out that way oh so you were kind of like in your own little Mafia yeah
00:40:06
yeah yeah it was it was actually a very coordinated effort it was part but they they didn't really want us to get in
00:40:12
trouble either those guys were just yeah you know what I mean yeah they were like ah [ __ ] don't get busted by the by
00:40:17
the I used to smoke weed I would cup it in your hand yeah so a couple like this so that the you know you know it's
00:40:23
sticking and I cup it and smoke it and never got caught and I used to do math
00:40:29
in the math book too what in the yeah in the crease if you snort you can snort the math out of a crease yes I'm just
00:40:35
reading a book you mean Bobby how are you liking geometry
00:40:47
Bobby would go on to build one of the best gazebos of all time but the most humiliating was this I was such a poor
00:40:53
student my senior Year my brother was a freshman and when I went to math class he was in it
00:40:59
it was sucked and you still didn't do well in that class did you how many times did you get held back in
00:41:05
a class that was only math yeah but it seemed like my brother laughed oh yeah he went ah you know what
00:41:12
I mean culturally so it was so humiliating yeah and I was sober so I was like ah [ __ ] school [ __ ] School dude
00:41:19
you don't need it you do you know you don't please don't why would you need it school yeah you need Elementary School
00:41:26
you can learn everything from movies and television okay I'm not gonna argue with that if you watch every movie every TV show
00:41:33
you can learn the language you learn you can also learn things of how to escape things I mean like in terms of like if
00:41:40
you watch um a heist movie okay what do you mean Kate I don't like your tone right now dude okay all right or you
00:41:47
know when you watch something like um Braveheart what if you watch Die Hard you learn what are you gonna learn you
00:41:54
can don't walk across the [ __ ] ground when you have bare feet and there's broken glass that's true so you know and
00:41:59
have I done that in my life never never I've never done that give me another movie what if you Jurassic Park
00:42:06
I never get on those little tourist rides oh so you're not you're never a tourist no I'm I go to the facility
00:42:13
right but I don't go on those little and let's see the Wilderness so you think you can learn a lesson from every movie
00:42:19
exactly and you don't need school no okay I'll give you another movie choke a lot
00:42:25
[ __ ] I didn't see it yeah that's tough huh well what's the lesson there then it took a lot
00:42:31
don't a lot don't eat chocolate the guys the guy dies of diabetes oh he does she takes it this is so [ __ ] cruel she
00:42:37
takes them she takes him on a date and look at that this is so this is a retelling story of Adam and Eve right you know it's like Eve gave [ __ ] Adam
00:42:44
the apple he bites it and of course do it with Johnny Depp see that chocolate if that was your penis you'd let him
00:42:50
suck it in that photo well then yeah not now no no not now that he's a [ __ ] warlock
00:42:57
not letting that wizard suck my dick yeah yeah [ __ ] cook but then dude oh my god dude he could suck the cream
00:43:02
right out of that thing yeah yeah look at him now just [ __ ] Bonkers he's okay there yeah but these are the best
00:43:08
pictures they could find right he's wearing makeup you know we got in a real discussion about this today about
00:43:13
leaving the writer strike that's happening right and it's like I'll tell you what yes pay the writers obviously
00:43:18
I'm for that also you know any [ __ ] working actors quote unquote that don't have any money
00:43:25
I know so many of them that are working actors and they make no [ __ ] money
00:43:30
it's not it's look it's time for the writers to get what they're due but honestly it's really sad what happens I
00:43:35
know people that come and do guest stars and they're guest starring a ton they're still not making enough to survive I mean if I had to seriously live off of
00:43:43
just acting I would have a day job that's a fact most dude look at this Jeffrey Owens turns tables on Trader
00:43:49
Joe's shaming yeah remember him Jeffrey owns he had to get a job at Trader Joe's but then what happened to him was some Fox it was a newscaster it was a fox
00:43:55
newscaster trying to shame them like look at this guy that was used to be on what was it the uh Martin Show what show
00:44:01
was he on oh Cosby Show Cosby yeah yeah he's on The Cosby Show look at you and then they try to shame him and then
00:44:07
directors started make getting them jobs I know but how awful that it took like a [ __ ] moment for the internet and
00:44:13
shame to have this poor man have to it just it's just weird to think that that's how that works out sometimes and
00:44:18
by the way I don't know man could be a mismanagement of money who knows what was going on in his life
00:44:24
yeah as an actor because there's so much streaming because there's just so much out there that you don't make that much
00:44:30
money and um you can't even become how would you become super famous from acting now
00:44:36
I think they hand pick you we talked about this I think they hand-picked you yeah they package you they they make you
00:44:42
the thing Margot Robbie was like born to be a star yeah they wanted her to be they have to be a genetic anomaly almost
00:44:48
used to look you have to look special yeah you know what I saw today I saw today I saw two women today walking out
00:44:55
of this restaurant and I was like what did they [ __ ] make you guys like
00:45:01
they were they were walking together yeah they looked fake they looked and they they didn't have like a lot of work
00:45:06
done or anything but they were [ __ ] beautiful and it's like I'm not supposed to be next to you guys they should be
00:45:11
separate they should put them in a they should be on the moon they should be on the moon can I be on the moon with them
00:45:17
no [ __ ] way I will just be with their friend who would not pass the test you could drive the rocket ship to the Moon maybe get out for a smoke break and say
00:45:24
hi yeah like leading against the squatting oh like an Asian Squad hey ladies good luck
00:45:32
um no thanks I just said good luck back to Earth back to Earth I'll go
00:45:38
that's 100 oh that hurts so you would be driving and I would be like I'd be doing tickets you know I'd be the ticket taker
00:45:44
yeah on the hot ship to space what would they say to you and they're like oh what do you
00:45:49
are you taking tickets I go yeah and they're like you're not so bad and then and then I go thanks girls and then as
00:45:55
I'd walk away they go yeah and I get their bags
00:46:00
there we go um how do we start a fire in this atmosphere yeah when they saw you when they saw me
00:46:07
you're driving I'm taking tickets you're definitely doing the bags yeah and they're like what a nice young man who's
00:46:14
that boy that took her back what's his name yeah he had pink glasses on yeah
00:46:21
you know okay except the Fate dude we're not going to
00:46:26
the hot man we're not going to Hotmail I know you're thinking about it but you don't you're not how do I get in the hot
00:46:32
mood if I was like Bezos what can I own wait can I own hot moon
00:46:38
no [ __ ] way why because have you seen Jeff Bezos look at him they wouldn't let him on even if he owned it they'd be
00:46:43
like sorry Jeff yeah you got to be really ugly to own the moon yeah
00:46:49
dude this is a [ __ ] movie that you're driving the spaceship for the hot people to go to space I'm taking tickets and
00:46:55
she's loading bags and we try to devise a plan on how to get how to permanently live up there yeah yeah I'll bring your
00:47:02
bags to your room on the moon and I'm like you know what I I think you left I think you need to get a new ticket this
00:47:08
one doesn't work so I'll have to follow you off into the moon and you'll have to get a new credit card
00:47:13
it would be like The Hills Have Eyes and you and I would live in a cave and
00:47:19
they'd walk by and they just see four eyes blinking
00:47:31
[Laughter] because I don't like their attitude so
00:47:37
we're just staring at hot people all day yeah yeah and just blinking and I would probably like maybe we'd evolve into
00:47:42
making getting red glowy eyes we need red glowy eyes okay we'll get those before we leave oh yeah yeah we can go
00:47:48
to like you know do they sell a Hot Topic okay I don't know where they're still around I don't know what is that
00:47:54
what's that store that you can get red glowy eyes Claire's Spencer's yes Spencer's Gifts yeah yeah you can find
00:47:59
that but they'll have little dicks on the pupils hundred percent yeah a little little freaked them out but I think
00:48:05
that's the truth we wouldn't be allowed on hot Moon hot Moon isn't for us dude I have an idea yeah
00:48:10
when uh you're driving the bus they're distracted on their phones taking selfies you empty everything out of
00:48:16
their bags and then when they Park you guys get in the bags and then I'll carry you guys you can't carry us uh I'll have
00:48:22
a dolly yes okay and it's the moon so the gravity is like easier that's true and I would look at you go you know what
00:48:28
[ __ ] this bus let's create a Glo Mars so we go to Mars and make ugly Mars uh
00:48:34
glow Mars is where we go oh yeah and we don't let them come to the hot Moon they wouldn't want to go I don't care if we
00:48:41
have a passport you can't come to ugly moon but wait why would they even want to because what do we have there that
00:48:47
they need the hottest what we we're not hot this is what happens when we're on [ __ ] ugly Mars like you
00:48:55
and I discover something more addictive than opiates
00:49:03
right and then we send her to the [ __ ] with a sample of it yeah hot
00:49:08
moon right you give it to him it's a little dabble she puts it in their bags right right they take it they CA they're
00:49:13
jonesing now right we need to get the Hugo uh Mars what sorry can't come
00:49:19
exactly we do the thing do we have a gigantic metal finger that does this no
00:49:25
no no no no no no hotties yeah yeah nice try yeah and then they're just shivering do we ever go to war with them [ __ ] yeah
00:49:32
dude yeah we do we take over hot [ __ ] Moon dude we [ __ ] take it over Dude honestly we wouldn't make it to hot Moon
00:49:38
and I'm okay with that you know like I saw dude [ __ ] they're shooting they're finishing rust they're finishing
00:49:43
rust they just wrapped rust oh really they're gonna finish that movie they did they just wrapped is he still in it Alec
00:49:50
he's still doing he's still shooting up people oh I didn't know that's what that movie was called that's the one hour
00:49:56
yeah look they finished they finished production they went back to production on it that's gross but on honestly yeah
00:50:01
why would you win a shooting movie yeah I just let it you gotta let that one go that one call it a loss I think if
00:50:08
someone dies it's over it's over well they did that with the crow it's over yeah they finished it they finished it
00:50:14
without the star that's crazy but also I know it's a huge loss for the it's a big
00:50:20
loss but but that's like what is it like Force Major it's like there's got to be an insurance classes like somebody died
00:50:26
yeah you gotta [ __ ] you can't imagine yeah biggest movie of your career you're
00:50:31
shooting it next year biggest of yours what's it called [ __ ] career what's it called baby ping pong ching chong
00:50:37
it's the greatest Ping Pong Champion am I Ching Chong yes oh you're the star God
00:50:42
you're the star I thought you were gonna say Randall Parks ching chong no no you are pink the great ping pong ching
00:50:49
chong you know the story of him don't you oh the the legendary story of ping pong
00:50:54
ching chong if I'm a folklore yes why not repeat it you know it I know you
00:51:00
love it I know you know it it's incredible and a white guy knowing it it just puts [ __ ] butterflies in my
00:51:06
heart he was he was born where but and he was born in Taiwan yeah exactly and
00:51:12
his parents and his parents uh instead put him in a dumpster or something that most people last night last names are
00:51:18
the Slants right ping pong slant oh sure why not I
00:51:23
don't remember this is it yeah okay and they bury him alive oh because they thought it was a girl
00:51:29
yep I see and check this because there's only one child policy that's right and
00:51:35
so they bury him in the backyard which is disgusting and inhumane yeah so ping pong's land's buried but let me tell you something about ping pong the resiliency
00:51:41
what he uses his resources around him he eats worms he's staying alive underground also he's Asian so he's born
00:51:47
knowing karate already right so he does that Uma Thurman thing right right remember Donna Evil Dead sticking his
00:51:55
hands out right but and what that's years later he grew underground that's why I remember that yeah my bad so he
00:52:01
grew to be a full-grown man right right he's 19 20 years you're missing the [ __ ] wise earthworm what there's an
00:52:09
earth when he's on that remember the wise earthworm oh I love him yeah yeah yeah yeah what does he say he's voiced
00:52:14
by Eddie Murphy Eddie Murphy right yeah you're gonna be the greatest player
00:52:21
yeah yeah you remember him yes yeah yeah and he gives him the knowledge the knowledge of it right you can get out of
00:52:27
you can get out of the situation you just have to play ping pong right so sure enough he comes to United States and becomes the greatest champion of all
00:52:33
time faces adversity racism hatred setbacks and he becomes the greatest you are playing ping pong ching chong who's
00:52:40
playing the worm
00:52:47
and if he can't do it Kat Williams said he would do it but 30th is Eric Griffin this motherfucker's gonna play ping pong
00:52:55
can't wait I can't wait so listen let me say something how did he
00:53:01
um like he how old was he when he left the [ __ ] Earth would they but he was a baby they put
00:53:06
him on the ground I know but how long was he down there with [ __ ] you know man 20 years he became 20 years and then he gets out and he knows how to speak
00:53:13
the worm talk teaches him everything Chinese wise worm Cat Williams a wise word I remember yeah I remember but he
00:53:21
speaks like Katt Williams because that's the only voice he's ever heard so ping pong ching chong is like I'm ready to [ __ ] play ping pong [ __ ] right
00:53:28
that's what you got to do yeah right this [ __ ] wants to play ping pong I'm ready to play ping pong [ __ ]
00:53:34
exactly [ __ ] yeah do I get the roll you guys so here are the here's the deal
00:53:40
2024 you're shooting in in Vancouver that's where a lot of films are being shot right and you're up there and sure
00:53:46
enough my cones yeah we'll see yeah yeah we'll see we'll see yeah yeah back it up dude oh so now
00:53:53
and I I swing the ping pong the the paddle
00:53:58
I lose it and it kills it goes between a actress's mouth splits her mouth like
00:54:03
the Joker she dies and then what and then the studio goes hey ping pong I'm
00:54:11
Bobby I'm playing we refer to you as your character almost always yeah but it's just a little racist when you call me ping pong when I'm off screen sliding
00:54:18
you a check oh 40 so ping pong back to what I was
00:54:23
saying ping Paws yes you're willing to go forward yes okay there's a girl can you Google this there is a girl who's
00:54:30
girl snowboarding away from a bear I saw this clip today yeah and I was like holy
00:54:36
[ __ ] [ __ ] this girl is so she has no idea she's strapping in
00:54:43
was this one yeah and has no idea bear is chasing her she's like listening to music look at this
00:54:50
and there's a [ __ ] Bear right there and she doesn't see it because the camera's not the camera's just facing
00:54:55
her she doesn't see oh my God she doesn't see what's behind her yeah so look no but she has no idea she's inches away
00:55:02
from like a slip up or whatever from just getting [ __ ] eaten alive look you think he's gone no he's right
00:55:09
there she's just cruising along and she has no idea no [ __ ] look at
00:55:16
her face she doesn't she had an idea she panic and fall thank God she never turned around look there he is right now
00:55:21
whoa whoa it's like the Revenant every time you think he's gone he's right [ __ ] there right there
00:55:29
and now she gets over the crest of that hill and she rips and she's far away yeah wow
00:55:35
I'd be dead imagine watching back that footage yeah piss piss myself I can smell bear
00:55:45
sorry sick say it again you can smell Bear yeah you think you've
00:55:52
got that Keen of a sense of smell oh I know I know bear I know better what does it smell like it smells like wolf
00:55:59
but like half deer a heavy wolf you think a bear is a heavy wolf
00:56:05
they have similar smells is this one of your Chinese calendars no because it's like no big I'll tell you why though
00:56:11
I'll be real I can smell a bear because I know what wet dog smells like well that I know you so you know right that's
00:56:17
not what a bear smells it does it's in the snow it's hair wet hair you can smell it so all the king I'm like
00:56:23
Daredevil no I have senses man yeah you've got the regular ones no I
00:56:30
have extra smelling scents you think you have an extra chromosome yeah dude I
00:56:37
[ __ ] noise
00:56:42
okay good very good one very good you don't think you could smell bear no I
00:56:49
can't smell a [ __ ] bear and she had no big goggles on yeah but that's can you do you smoke with your eyes
00:56:55
you know you actually can smell with your eyes oh you can
00:57:01
I can see smell I mean can you but human beings don't we have an instinctual
00:57:07
thing when something dangerous around when it's near you yeah yeah that's pretty near dude
00:57:12
dude she was born with no [ __ ] no no you know what she was born with what [ __ ] Ripper dude
00:57:20
just got a rib dog I think that's insane but yes when you when something is near
00:57:26
you you you're You're Something instinctual kicks in to think that something's near but she might have just thought it's snowy and windy I don't
00:57:32
know yeah you know the the biggest fear I think my biggest fear is being in the
00:57:38
wilderness the tundra wherever yeah Tundra yeah okay and you run across a
00:57:44
beast you wrote across I don't know what the Beast lives in tundra but it's got fangs
00:57:50
dude what does it look like oh it's got [ __ ] Michael Shannon eyes
00:57:55
wide apart yeah the actor Michael Shannon like Amanda Seyfried yeah right yeah two saber teeth
00:58:02
they're not coming out of the mouth though where is it coming out cheek what yeah but it's got more coming out of the
00:58:08
mouth what yeah so he's just like melting teeth melting teeth right Michael Shannon eyes right Shannon eyes
00:58:13
melty too yeah yeah the body of Ralphie May
00:58:18
so slow yeah but the legs of Usain Bolt yeah yeah she's saying like a 600 pound
00:58:26
Usain Bolt yes and he can run that fast right Michael shannonize remember Shannon eyes and high teeth and you're
00:58:31
there right and you know there's nothing you can do imagine that fear nothing yeah what animal is that what do you
00:58:37
start doing what what do you start doing I would probably smear poo on my face charging towards you smear poo on
00:58:44
yourself well [ __ ] automatically because that's your organic that's instinct immediately on my face and I would just
00:58:51
fall to the ground man gets canceled for doing blackface while getting mulled face right I would pretend I was poo
00:58:59
what do you think what do you think imagine if they find you but they cancel you because they're like hey man
00:59:06
Bobby was doing blackface while getting attacked yeah Michael Shannon creature
00:59:11
was nearby no no no still dude you didn't need to do blackface that's so offensive don't you have a fear of an animal like
00:59:18
curl up in a ball
00:59:24
you make it loud like you know those airport guys with the what do you want like a gay pride parade
00:59:31
why yeah and see it and then just nobody would scream you would really scream and ski oh oh my
00:59:39
God there's a [ __ ] loud eight you're supposed to get big you're supposed to get big true I thought that was a myth no they
00:59:45
say get big yeah I know they say that but I thought you weren't here's the deal if a bear is charging towards you you're [ __ ] you're not gonna get big
00:59:52
you're not gonna get smaller you're gonna go like this oh you're not doing [ __ ] yeah you're not
00:59:57
doing [ __ ] [ __ ] like when we sign with sharks in Hawaii you take an hour class and then one one I did remember I
01:00:05
don't remember the rest of them splashing you can't Splash you're not supposed to Splash right you have to swim above them right but the third one
01:00:12
never lock eyes look away you look away you
01:00:18
look away yeah like you like you blush almost that's why autistic kids are so good with sharks oh
01:00:27
you're right there's never been an autistic kid attacked by a shark like with Rain Man in the ocean never get back I gotta go
01:00:35
to Kmart shark fin soup fins or soup
01:00:41
that's a really good job imagine yeah imagine it imagine though honestly even
01:00:46
though I knew that we went and swam with um manta rays or yeah manta ray manta ray
01:00:53
right manta ray in Hawaii and even though I know that they're like these things aren't going to hurt you there's nothing about it but still you get near
01:00:59
them and you're like yeah what if it's not a manta ray what if
01:01:05
it's a Michael Shannon they kind of look alike yeah yeah wait wasn't it Stingray I don't know whatever
01:01:10
Stingray see that's what [ __ ] me up because it's just killed the master yeah Steve Irwin
01:01:15
or manta rays can they kill you no maybe it was a manta ray right I don't know are they deadly it looks they look like
01:01:21
bats in the ocean dude look at that but do they want to hurt the human I
01:01:26
don't remember what we swam with manta rays are quite peaceful right they're manta ray that's who we swam with manta ray they didn't want stingrays look up
01:01:32
that well yeah stingrays don't like you stingrays don't like you why because they're you know why yeah
01:01:38
because they're on I'll go Mars oh look at those [ __ ] things look at the fourth picture go to the click on the fourth look at that [ __ ] ugly [ __ ]
01:01:44
holy [ __ ] dude now look at what a manta ray looks like go to manta ray and look at what those [ __ ] guys stingrays are
01:01:50
just ugly manta rays beautiful they're on the moon yeah he looks like a [ __ ] he looks like the bat the Batmobile I
01:01:57
just realized stingrays are the [ __ ] Asian fish or the ocean you know why flat faces
01:02:03
[Laughter] wow wow wow wow and does that offend you
01:02:11
no okay so the lesson that we learned today was that we are all going to go to Ugo
01:02:19
Mars but beware hot Moon yeah we're [ __ ] coming for you buddy it's a war
01:02:24
it's a war so pack up right get ready hunker down because I don't think hot
01:02:29
hot Moon folks are going to be able to handle I'll go Mars what's your plan of attack Jesse go
01:02:35
um shotgun what the [ __ ] yeah I didn't say weapon I just mean Jesus you're gonna shoot a
01:02:42
shotgun into space yeah it would be darling from Mars and
01:02:48
then I just traveled through this this is your plan of attack and then you're like what now and you're like we gotta
01:02:54
wait like a year and a half and then it might get there yeah yeah we're planning our attack and uh just
01:03:00
[ __ ] take heed we're coming for you baby yeah and what will we say when we get there thank you for being a bad
01:03:06
friend [Music]
01:03:14
um
