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hi carlos hi andres what are we doing here today we're learning how to tell time holy
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moly our fans shouldn't listen to their leader bobby lee so much he needed mark maron to teach him how to tell time they
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don't know do you think our fans don't know how to tell time i don't think they do how
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about we teach them let's teach them did you know there are three time zones in
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the u.s there are actually four oh yeah but nobody cares about the mountain
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people right yeah no just white people let's think about three time zones what
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are they new york chicago los angeles or us other people might
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know it as eastern central and western time oh okay that's fantastic so
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let's see if we if it's nine o'clock in l.a what time is it in new york
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14. wait how do i do this andres it's only
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three hours different so we have to make the small hand go three numbers up oh is
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nine in l.a it's 12 in new york that's when bad friends comes out is that so difficult
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your moronic audience to understand you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude
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you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
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welcome to bad friends hey we got these new shirts i love them this is you know why we got these new shirts is the bed
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bad friends family live we're doing a live show june 28th
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june 28th june 28th go to momenthouse.com bad friends to sign up
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to watch this live show it's a christian life it's a christian live show it's all it's going to be i'm getting baptized
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i'm baptizing you you're baptizing me by joseph's nice joseph smith exactly
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yes and it's going to be great so watch bad friends live you can you can watch it from your couch from the bathtub from
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a spaceship yeah you can you can watch from anywhere it's a christian only show it's going to be what is below g
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below g is h no a b c d e f it'll be f it'll be rated f yeah yeah for [ __ ] yeah
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watch bad friends live yeah june 28th uh sign up now why didn't they have a
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rating g like if like in the movies if they had a rated g movie wait it is gg is the lowest rating no g is the good
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one the christian one but is there is there they should have a rating that's beyond f that's worse what i mean what
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do you mean that's uh beyond x there's nc seventeen it goes to 17. it goes g g p g g pg three
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f no not f r r
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right and then x is pornography yeah you mean one beyond x one beyond x
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like murder porn yeah it might be but it's still directed by legit people like to quit like
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like what would be a queue a serbian film
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serbian a serbian film a serbian are you saying the country serbia yeah a serbian
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film a serbian film say hey say say the letter b b say serbian serbian there it is there
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it is only took you five times to do it yeah we cannot have him on this show anymore i don't know
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don't talk he's not he's a producer engineer guy right we love yeah yeah we love the fancy so a serbian film so
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that's rated beyond x that is yeah like band it's banned that's sick if you get
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your we have to get that movie yeah now is it would you feel guilty for jerking off at that movie
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yes okay well i won't i refuse to what do you mean you'd feel good what is the movie about it's a
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horror film about a porn star who has like you know sex with babies and okay okay
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no we can't watch it can we introduce jess what the [ __ ] are you talking about fancy yeah
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why would you watch that did you direct it is that what you're teaching those kids in film school yeah yeah yeah yeah
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everyone class assignments yeah a serbian first kurosawa kurosawa
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today we're going to talk about orson welles that's the last chapter
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all right so let's introduce our guest yeah we've been trying to cancel us one time before yeah what was that about
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uh i was on south by and i was doing some shows out there and bobby called me and
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i could have flown back but i drove out there so do you think bobby could have paid for a
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plane ticket for you to fly back here no i mean yes but i would have done it yes i would have done you wouldn't have
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yeah i would have okay but i i asked you is this the end of my career and then what did i say you said yes and then you
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said ah just kidding no but we're not kidding it was the end yeah this is a funeral for your career bono
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mad you stole those glasses wow yeah yeah i mean were you a big
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youtube fan like oh man josh she's great do you know how do you how old are you thirty-two she tells me i mean she's
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aware of that being put on your phone without your talk about the original without consent you two sexually
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assaulting our phones with their [ __ ] music remember when they just put it on your itunes more like me too
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boom that's a joke she's here yeah so jesse johnson is she's a door person
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at the store door person and comic how about you [ __ ] what a shitty [ __ ] intro
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jesse like what's wrong with you jessica she's just so aggressive she's good she's trying to lay up some [ __ ] love jessie's a good comedian she's a great
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community she's working at the comedy store you don't have to say door person is she not she said just say she works
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at the comedy store she works at the comedy store as a she works there as a comedian who works there and she does
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extra activities i have extracurriculars well the vagueness of that is bad okay what does
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that mean she she goes can i see your id
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yeah yeah people need to hey oh you know what her latest thing that was pissing me off what were you pissing me out we were in
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the hallway right oh yeah so it's me letterman oh yeah
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david um shane gillis was james trevor wallace trevor wallace where it's just sitting quietly talking quiet
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quite talking like we were in a library right and this woman comes up to me this door person and god
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guys um you guys can keep it down show show's going on i'm on her side you probably were being too loud if we
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weren't the showroom is right there i bet you were talking too long people heard you in the showroom no what was happening so people come up i will tell
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you people were complaining like a lot and you know remember and looking around but then when you came in and they saw
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it was you doing it they were like oh my god that's bobby leaving laughs don't do that to him don't give him that that's
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exactly no don't that's what i want no but i was kind of happy you walked in
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the room because i was like do i have to how am i to defuse this situation because you came in like shy like you
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didn't know what to do because you're around me like you guys need to shut the [ __ ] up well you got to be assertive when you're talking to shane gillis that
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guy's like you know what i mean is that what you want to call him
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yeah yeah yeah i got to do it and trevor is like you know him city you know what i mean he's a hip patient no he just looks
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skinny and just kind of frail i mean you can't just let these [ __ ] dough boys and heavies you know i mean boss you
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around dog that's right yeah that's a life lesson it's a life lesson doughboys and heavies can't let these have kids
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and doughboys today i'm so sorry i just woke up so that's my excuse when did you wake up
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jesse i woke up at eight or nine reasonable hour yeah yeah
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and you worked late last night because i saw you there last night yeah i worked a lot last night yeah yeah were you from san diego arizona oh why did i say san
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diego did i i don't know why you said that i think everybody from the store is from san diego everyone that comes up to work i'm always like are you all from
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san diego arizona phoenix yeah phoenix god bless you scottsdale that's where we
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went to college where'd you go scottsdale community fighting artichokes there you go baby
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they're called the fighting hunters i went to arizona state you know that right oh we're rivals yeah well not really
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one of us went to college the fighting artichoke the other one went to scottsdale community college i it's the fighting artichoke that's their
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symbol yeah that's our mascot that's hilarious that almost seems like it's like
00:08:33
make-believe college but it grows so plentifully up there you know artichokes are everywhere in scottsdale oh they are
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no i don't know i've never seen them i've never seen it there's no connectivity yeah do you know when we
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got when we got our place when i got when i moved into my place three artichoke plants on my front i didn't even know i don't i didn't know that
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they grow that like that in the wild yeah just in our front like in our front yard really well so you could like i
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have three artichokes randomly see artichoke plants growing in your shed when i moved in they were they were like they were budding and per and big and i
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was like somebody had planted them right the guy that lived there before but i was like they hippie huh hippy hippy
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dippy yeah hippy dippy [ __ ] i hate to be dabbies i i i i'm not a hippie i hate them more than you hate them no no i do
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you don't have an understand they make me nauseous what's the big what's the biggest thing about his when i was in high school
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right that's the plant that's in my front it's so crazy it's huge yeah when i was in high school right i was so into
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this is so gross drugs and dick no but yeah i was into those two things too but yeah yeah but i was
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yeah yeah but thirdly you know i mean my third favorite thing it went dicks drugs but my thoughts and
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dicks and drugs would switch depending on the day some days oh that would do a combo i would do a dick drug because yeah yeah
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dick is your drug yeah yeah so anyway so dx drugs and then but but the third thing that i was into was like kind of
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like i was one of those weird like artsy emo kids yeah well you were in a band i saw the band yeah but not only
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that but i was like into like curacao like so gross like i was in the cursed house i was into like the level
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underground like and if it wasn't like roxy music or you know means like a cool thing right so all my other friends were
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into the grateful dead they would actually go and travel and go see them and i just hated the smell of patchouli i don't like hair on the legs yeah yeah
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i like pit hairs you know what i mean so i would always like fight with them about it like i don't want to see
00:10:22
a show where they're doing a jam in g major you don't like that a 45 minute jamming
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two-minute song man all right i got [ __ ] to do man but they're just like g major
00:10:34
and a flute popping into [ __ ] you man i like the flute dude you always do devil's advocate and
00:10:40
i will enjoy you and that's why we're close so stop stop the puzzle show yeah but anyway i hate all of that i don't
00:10:46
like tie-dye crystals crystals tie-dye dreadlocks on whites yeah to always get always uh
00:10:52
dreadlocks on whites is always right on the whites that's a good [ __ ] it's just not for us
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it's not it's not ours yeah so stop that's the one appropriation where i'm mad that we don't get mad about yeah all
00:11:03
the cultural appropriation that people get mad about why not dreadlocks why doesn't that that get clapped on that's gotta be but it's just dirty hair yeah
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yeah before it's clumpy dirty hair but for what you're allowed dirty dirty hair who whites no
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whites aren't allowed to have dirty hair uh sure every anybody's allowed have dirty hair but this is a conscious
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effort to make it dreadlocks that's true if you're homeless and you have dreadlocks i'll give you a pass
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maybe yeah yeah of course yeah if you're homeless you get a pass about anything look at that
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johnny depp culturally that didn't get brought up in the trial that would have been good i mean sure she pooped his bed but this
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is this is abhorrent behavior acting like you're a non-what look at that what is that yeah all pirates all had dreads
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i guess huh yeah but it's a character man no it's not that's johnny depp did you
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see the clip that i ever heard somebody put up today they were like is this real where she's like they said that you were acting and she's
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like oh is this was this told to you by uh the man that convinced the world that he had scissors for hands oh my god that
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was awesome you already typed it in you know this clip isn't this crazy i was like is this real look at this listen to this
00:12:13
in the closing arguments the depth lawyer said called your testimony the performance of a lifetime and said you were acting
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what do you say to that says the lawyer
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for the man who convinced the world he had scissors for fingers
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you gotta be really pause that what the [ __ ] she lost her mind what
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were you thinking yeah yeah they said your performance at the stand was that you were acting like you had
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emotion and she's like yeah but my ex-boyfriend played a scissorhand man
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she was dating james earl jones says the man who was wearing the black cape and
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the black space hat sure yeah sure sure sure man
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yeah that's i mean what does she be darth vader yeah sure we're not in space if that's what
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you call it yeah it's insane did she watch that and think he really had scissorhands see that's
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why i think i think she really does think every role you take you become that person for real actually you know what
00:13:21
that's the only guy that does do that is what's his name [ __ ] uh lincoln daniel daniel that dude thinks he is
00:13:27
lincoln yeah he owns slaves during the movie yeah
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yeah but that's called method acting and i'm allowing that i disallow it method they're allowed to do it gone out gone i
00:13:39
don't want to be in the movie with them like when jared leto threw the at a table read
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yeah he threw a suicide squad he threw a pig under the tablery table where will
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smith was sitting stuff he should have slapped him you know what i think
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i think will smith doesn't know when to slap yeah but that's when that's right actually he was like i'm gonna slap that [ __ ] and it stayed in his head
00:14:02
yeah like two years took two years and they came out with the chris rock for some reason but yeah by that's irritating i i don't
00:14:10
i just don't what do you think about method acting are you are you an actor yes do you think
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you are an actor yeah i'll take the role you you have you acted in anything i mean just we're not yeah
00:14:24
i have a long background in sketch comedy since i was 15 and doing like live acting and sketching so you do want
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to be an actor too comedic actor you want to do both yes if if one took priority what would it be
00:14:36
like if the business was like hey man you got to choose you got to be an actor or a stand-up comedic acting oh you oh so stand up all
00:14:42
right what about i wanna i love stand up yeah so like yeah okay let's say you're somebody calls you all right so
00:14:49
on june 29th you have two gigs one is you get to open up for dave chappelle
00:14:54
right in front of you know 70 000 people yeah right and all you have to do is eight minutes
00:14:59
and netflix and everyone's going to be there so there's a good opportunity or you have a scene with daniel day-lewis
00:15:06
just listen tom hardy and give me somebody else a woman a meryl streep right but you're you're in
00:15:13
the scene with them and chris hemsworth and chris hemsworth for some reason and jason momoa yeah and then the little one
00:15:19
peter dinklage yeah the little one they're all in it that's that's the english though it's great
00:15:25
because you're sort of like a siamese twin like peter dingle is just your underdeveloped spice
00:15:32
so we're gonna do a whole process of the thing where he's coming out of your body he's stuck to your body yeah okay meryl streep and everyone else is playing your
00:15:38
doc they're doctors but it's an emotional saying i mean this is oscar worthy and you're dying you're dying
00:15:43
yeah yeah and people he has no lines he i think in the script it says
00:15:51
that's in the dialogue right but you have these gigantic chunks it's like and you know we'll take our
00:15:56
three days we're going to shoot this thing yeah because it's four pages of dialogue yeah it's four pages a dollar i've seen the show before let's act it
00:16:03
out there it is man i love her yes so uh
00:16:09
what would you take well she's she's gonna be her yeah you're playing yourself and basically what you're doing to us is
00:16:14
you're you're dying dink is on your side yeah yeah and he's writing and painting well let's okay how about this
00:16:20
andreas you play dink no no no oh we're not doing it no dink dink is on her body i know but
00:16:27
who does those lines dink you said goes yeah oh pete let pete do that yeah pete's more dink pete's more dinky yeah yeah
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and by the way the cancer that's killing you yeah is from dink so you received this cancer from him he got it because
00:16:40
he couldn't stop smoking yeah so you got cancer from him because he still connected your body and we're all of your doctors i'm an oncologist yeah who
00:16:47
am i playing though uh you're a podiatrist yeah but what actor am i there's like eight actors yeah yeah yeah
00:16:52
well you you're famous and rich and you're dying and you want to give us your last dying words are you playing
00:16:57
daniel daniel lewis am i yeah yeah i'll be middle street yes
00:17:04
you should with an english accent though fine all right you're in the in the in the hospital bed okay are we at hospice
00:17:12
or at a hospital at her we're at her castle oh yeah yeah i came to her home we came and we're the
00:17:17
best doctors from all over the world but i'm playing myself over the world you're playing and yeah no you know what you're playing yourself right a mega famous
00:17:25
yeah but you're we're going to give you a different name okay yeah juicy juicy
00:17:31
juicy yeah juicy jason juicy you're juicy jason juicy jason yeah yeah
00:17:38
so um we walk in so doctor
00:17:43
doctor yes i can't believe we're here treating juicy jason
00:17:51
just relax guys i'm i'm just a normal person juicy we've come here
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because we want your final words on what you'd like to do with your body after it passes on
00:18:02
because of course the cancer has gotten worse
00:18:07
because of him yes you have he's a cancer
00:18:13
i know that he's your brother what's his name steve
00:18:20
steve steve so your parents named you juicy juicy and steep it's teeth
00:18:27
medically we've got one thing we can do yeah we can remove the cancer your brother let's do that
00:18:32
[Laughter] oh and seen yeah
00:18:39
we shave off yeah and then you're back to being you again
00:18:45
yeah so you would take the role yeah over the s over the chapelle slot yeah i feel like i love stand up but i
00:18:52
it's it's making me the funniest i could be and then if i take that into a comedic acting
00:18:58
yeah smart smart woman wow smart woman smart woman that is very smart bad decision though and well why
00:19:04
i disagree yeah i i'll cause that my argument would i think that's who were your agents and then we're gonna give you the the pros well i'm an agent
00:19:11
you're a manager there's no doubt about that oh yeah i produce things as well you sure but you're like a leech do you
00:19:16
know what i mean like i actually get stuck oh god and i'm connected you're gonna be trying to get me angry that's fine i'm connected i'm the
00:19:22
manager right yeah and i'm the agent hey well i'm of course a kid hey kid you know i'm not present yeah i'm i'm
00:19:29
definitely on vacation because that's agents that's all they [ __ ] do yeah yeah but i flew you in okay so listen
00:19:34
your agent your manager here hey hey kiddo um so you know you know you have a dilemma
00:19:40
right you have two opportunities here right so um in him we're in an impasse so my argument is this like chappelle
00:19:47
right you know he's thinking about bringing you on tour right so he wants to just see you perform in front of 70
00:19:54
000 people and um 170 000. 170 of that my bad um but anyway and uh
00:20:00
small city it's a small city but um yellow knife yellow springs and you know what oh just
00:20:06
doing me that's true that's true anyway um i just think that netflix and hbo and all these people are
00:20:13
going to come out and you know this acting role that you have right it's a shot in the dark kid because it's like
00:20:20
who knows if it's gonna it's a weird part sure i mean i read the scriptures you wrote the script right i mean
00:20:26
peter dinklage is gonna be a siamese twin coming out of your body it just seems
00:20:31
a little odd you know and it's like the whole movie is about that the whole scene the whole movie is in
00:20:38
that hospital where you're just doing a monologue it's also tough because it's rated q it's raining it is ridiculous i don't
00:20:44
know if you know this but it's there's a weird there is a weird right and i don't know if you know this
00:20:49
if you read the stage direction stuff but you're completely naked no i did not yeah yeah yeah you're completely naked and you've got jumper
00:20:56
cables attached to your tits yeah yeah yeah and they're going to turn it on every once in a while everyone's just to
00:21:01
wake you up enough to wake you up and so i have two nipples or one because i'm conjoined in this well i weird that's
00:21:07
they're having those discussions with the studio right now part of the discussion could be peter dinklage's other nipple
00:21:14
right that could change things that could change things a lot right and he could also he's known for this peter dinklage i
00:21:20
know he has no lines it's a lot of groaning right sure but he he might do some improv and might take over the
00:21:26
scene i was afraid of that yeah yeah yeah i knew you would be so anyway um i just
00:21:32
think that you should do the show go ahead the dave chappelle show is gonna pay you nothing and this movie's gonna give you 500
00:21:38
grand that's that that's my pitch i've thought it over
00:21:45
[Laughter] i'm telling you right now when i go on
00:21:51
the road or i go anywhere in the country or here in l.a or in la the only thing that i use in terms of delivery is
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doordash because they have the best options they have the quickest delivery driver they do and it's just something that um
00:22:03
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first order with doordash subject should change terms apply are we live we are live you know what the the the
00:23:17
thing is is this the thing is this is this i've always wanted to do a live right and i thought like live stream and
00:23:25
in my in my heart i'm like who's the best person to do it with andre
00:23:30
live stream bad friends live stream great dude so tuesday june 28th at 6 00 pm pst that's pacific standard times
00:23:39
get your tickets right now at momenthouse.com momenthouse.com bad friends these shirts are also available
00:23:44
only for the time we're doing the live show yeah it's the bad friends family live it's the live stream you can watch from anywhere you are if you got access
00:23:51
to the interwebs tuesday june 28th 6 p.m get your tickets we got a bunch of surprises we might be bringing in some
00:23:57
people that we can't talk about we might be doing something to both of our bodies yeah uh we might we might kill doc live
00:24:04
on the live stream yeah if not kill do something hurt we might hurt we might he's gonna die he's gonna die
00:24:09
by the end he'll be dead he's gonna want to die if he doesn't die so get your tickets right now at momenthouse.com
00:24:15
friends june 28th i was also a production assistant for so long you're
00:24:20
a set pa or office pa both for what job all sorts of shows but late late show i
00:24:27
worked on their field team all the sketches and carpool karaoke's and stuff worked on masterchef
00:24:33
um damn i worked on funny or die stuff and movies my first job was in the wardrobe department on transformers five
00:24:41
they paid five of those [ __ ] things that's what i said when i got the fifth one's the best the fifth one's the best wait seriously
00:24:47
they made five yeah one three how many did you see i saw one you know how many i saw zero zero i
00:24:53
never saw one the first one's good i've i would imagine the first one would be the one that's good for shia labeouf oh
00:24:59
right that and megan fox that one i heard was good yeah but no i didn't see any of these because why the
00:25:04
[ __ ] would i do why would i see that [ __ ] transformers robots in the sky i thought it was more than that close
00:25:10
robots in disguise more than meets the eyes wait wait so it goes transformers robots in disguise and then more than
00:25:17
meets the eye yeah sure something like that yeah call us universal if you want us to
00:25:23
write the soundtrack yeah for the sixth and seventh one yeah so uh you worked on all those other things so what's the
00:25:29
point so you would take the movie instead well i love being on on site but i hate being a production assistant well
00:25:34
right it sucks but and then to like to be talent would be awesome like on a big site i'm nicer to
00:25:41
those people than i am to the talent i work with oh i can't wait to treat them like [ __ ]
00:25:48
let me ask you this this is just something that i did once because talent is [ __ ] [ __ ] but the people that are doing all the work i always like a
00:25:54
little bit more because i know they have to do [ __ ] yeah but the talent can [ __ ] off i understand i did a show called big
00:26:00
time rush okay and it's like nickelodeon or something like that right it's huge on nickelodeon it's no i'm not being
00:26:06
physicists this show was massive so i did one episode steven glickman was on it yeah so steven whitman got me on the
00:26:13
show show was huge so let's i want you see uh jess i want to see which one is bobby
00:26:19
which one do you think bobby is i'm not a regular i just did one [ __ ] which one do you think see if bobby lee
00:26:25
and big time ross see if you can find that bobby's the one in the middle that's exactly right yes
00:26:30
there you are bob is that you wearing a hat on big time rush yeah that was me oh my goodness right and i played like some
00:26:36
kid i don't know some 38 year old kid a 40 year old kid
00:26:41
right i remember my lines were like yo yo yo what's up yeah whatever what whatever it was so anyway
00:26:47
that morning when i showed up right i had a somebody let's just say you had this job right so i show up and somebody
00:26:54
said are you an extra and i was searching a bad mood i go yeah
00:26:59
why would you do that so i go yeah right so they brought me to the extra holding
00:27:05
area and i sat there for an hour and a half meanwhile i'm getting calls but i'm not picking them up
00:27:10
whoa where are you i'm a piece of [ __ ] right and so then eventually i pick up my go well you know
00:27:16
i was i was reading it for two hours and i was told to go to this thing by this lady oh my god and they're like what
00:27:24
and then they yell at the lady would you be mad at me if that happened if i knew you or if i didn't no like you
00:27:30
just said are you an extra and i said yes but i knew you knew i was a series not a cigarette was but a principal or
00:27:35
somebody you were a [ __ ] guest star guest dog they don't know the guest stars they should [ __ ] you
00:27:42
really so if you were in a [ __ ] show right and they go are you an extra what would you say i'd say no i'm not
00:27:48
background i'm a guest star on the show today what's your name andrew santino oh your trailer's right here i [ __ ] up
00:27:54
though yes [Laughter] because those people are wrangling
00:27:59
thousands of people they don't [ __ ] know who you are right but here's the thing i was my career was so bad back then yeah you need right you want i
00:28:06
needed i needed it right i needed it but you got what you deserved yeah i'm an extra and she's like great you look like
00:28:12
one right this way to the holdings yeah yeah right so you'd be mad at me
00:28:18
i would be pissed off probably because that was probably like if you were there for hours that that person was probably
00:28:24
there for five or six hours or longer think about that probably didn't get lunch
00:28:29
oh yeah and if their producers were yelling at them then they probably don't give a [ __ ] about them either god i love
00:28:34
jesse on this show you got a prominent seat on this show whenever you want it
00:28:40
already i'm the one that brought her in i'm the one that said i said i said i wanted her on this yeah yeah yeah you go
00:28:45
i think we should have her on the show i said that's a great idea yeah she's [ __ ] great smart and funny and
00:28:50
she gives me a little hostile to me lately i'm gonna get him back maybe here's here's the problem with the doc thing yeah with you and him yeah you
00:28:57
guys me and you have known each other for a long time yeah you guys have known each other in a very different way for a long
00:29:02
time yeah so like romantically yes well it was you're not romantically all right you're on your last leg kid okay sorry
00:29:09
no but they have had a relationship because doc worked at the store for so long and bobby it just there was a
00:29:15
that's a strange long long-term friendship really so i used to kind of uh bully him a little bit when he used
00:29:20
to open for me a little bit yeah a lot tell him to do stuff like hey if you don't say yabba-dabba-doo ten times oh
00:29:27
come on man bobby come on man yeah i'm never gonna do my show again right so and i go you can't justify and say tell the audience that bobby told me to say
00:29:33
it so you just in the middle of the city just go yabba-dabba-doo and bomb and bomb and then go back into
00:29:40
a such an [ __ ] you're such a [ __ ] [ __ ] is that me i'm a bully right yeah i'm a bad guy you are i'm going to
00:29:46
change i won't change nah no you won't let me let me know you're okay i want you to i want to say i want you to be able to change yeah yeah how long you
00:29:52
been to the store now since september well officially working there right but i've been going around there are you
00:29:57
moving up a little bit in the ranks um what do you mean are you getting
00:30:03
are you getting better spots yes or no are you going to showcase
00:30:08
um i'm in we're all in development so they'll throw us in like the yeah and
00:30:13
stuff but i mean is she watching you and stuff like that yeah she's watching good and but the reason why you know they
00:30:18
used to not watch you know i yeah back in the day they never watch yeah and they would say they'd watch and they never did
00:30:24
and then you'd have to get a [ __ ] prime showcase spot for anyone to
00:30:29
[ __ ] come see you it's a brutal it was such a [ __ ] nightmare it's a nightmare nobody watched and they were like yeah we saw you they never saw
00:30:35
anybody but what got my eye yeah attention to you was i was i was on a on youtube i
00:30:42
was like watch on tick tock or something and i came across some of your stand up my god this is the girl that
00:30:49
does she works at the store as a door person and can i just say employee employee of the month i am in play of the month
00:30:58
and i and i literally legitimately laugh we have a gift for you give her that gun yeah thank you yeah
00:31:04
yeah i don't know the clip i go wow that's a funny joke yeah she's fine delivery delivered well
00:31:11
and i go and then i just started kind of you know going was like i think she's the future i i liked your i like your
00:31:18
energy when i saw you at the start but let's do this this is how because it's weird when people come and go at the store it's hard to get to know the
00:31:23
employees because a lot of them just like come and go and they're in their own world and so we're doing our own thing what's your impressions of us
00:31:29
before you met or when you met us and just be honest you can be honest be completely honest well i met your
00:31:35
brother first my brother steve how did you meet his brother through his through jeremiah oh right on
00:31:42
and and i think because jeremiah and i go back with the kill tony band and right right right and then steve i did
00:31:48
his podcast yeah and then i remember you and steve pulled up into the lot and i was working the back door and you guys
00:31:54
got out of the car and everybody was like oh my god bobby's here and i was like hey steve
00:32:00
and out of all the people waving to you you only looked at me i think you were like wait what
00:32:08
i love this but then i got to know you and you were one of the first paid regulars to like talk
00:32:14
to me and to riff with me and and it made me feel really special and i
00:32:21
and santino is a little bit more unapproachable [Laughter]
00:32:26
and that's exactly what i wanted to get right and that's exactly the truth of it
00:32:31
i'm just really in my own i just come and you're intimidating no i'm not you're a little intimidated
00:32:38
it's not your stature it's the way it's the way you but i've never been mean to never been me no but yeah you know what
00:32:44
i know what it is and because i do know some i do know a lot of the employees that work there but i know the ones that have worked there for a while it takes
00:32:49
me a while to like start to get to know people you can't let everyone in no no not no for me it's it's more like i know
00:32:56
people have said this before they're like uh i don't they don't know how to talk to me but then when they talk to me they're like oh i just kind of come to the club do my
00:33:03
thing and i kind of [ __ ] off but i'm always polite and nice and i say thank you and
00:33:08
hi and bye but it's tough for me to like do a thing with people anymore
00:33:14
because there's so much brain energy that goes into that place sometimes for me that i don't wanna
00:33:19
i just don't wanna i just wanna go home like like like i'm not sebastian
00:33:26
yeah he's he goes in and out he doesn't even look people in the eye yeah he literally looks at me he doesn't look
00:33:31
amazing and i'm just i've been known i've known him for 20 years but what i'm saying is is because his brain energy's so focused he wants to do his job and
00:33:37
get out thinking about itself yeah but he never liked fans he even as a young
00:33:42
open mic he's he's not he's just not that way he's not it's social in that well i like fans i just think it's hard
00:33:47
with employees because no he likes his fans that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying he doesn't interact with people even back in the
00:33:54
day well but i interact with as many people as i can especially because i know so many of those people that have been in a lot for a long time but you
00:33:59
were new but i always like seeing you because you have such a nice smile and you're so like warm even when i know the
00:34:04
day was probably [ __ ] yeah you're such like you have like a warm attitude that makes it so that you're going to
00:34:10
get out of there fast there's no way you're going to stick it now paulie's using you right on the road right yeah that's exciting too i went to uh his
00:34:17
house with sandy danto in vegas and we did a couple shows there and bobby's picture is on his wall like at least
00:34:22
three times on where uh and paulie's house your picture is hanging out that's insane
00:34:28
he's a lot of pictures yeah paulie and are so close yeah but i would never have any pictures of you at
00:34:33
my house you don't have a photo i have photos of you in my house i really do not ones that i approve i
00:34:40
know but still i have photos of you right actually actually that's not true at all i have a framed photo of you and i that's what
00:34:46
i'm saying i have that as well i do have that now that i think about it i don't i do i don't have it i know you don't
00:34:53
you have no control over what goes up in your home i know i have a frame photo of you and i at the fourth of july at your house oh
00:34:58
of us sitting on the bench because i really like the because the photo is so sweet so you're going to oh do dates with paulie oh thanks for rolling right
00:35:04
over that if you really opened up to you there yeah yeah now this is how this is our
00:35:09
relationship for the rest of time yeah but paulie so you paulie and sandy we did vegas states now um frank castillo
00:35:16
and i are going to uh north carolina um july 7th through the 17th you frank open
00:35:22
it for polly good night i'm featuring um this was my first time featuring and yeah i'm excited let's go baby it's
00:35:28
frank hosting he's opening and then we're just going to bring each other up they don't call it that anymore what what do they bring up hosting is not
00:35:35
like a thing they call it opening now so they never call the hosting well i say opening because he's not going to go
00:35:41
back on stage between me and paulie ah when they when they go back on stage it's hosting yeah yeah and they want to
00:35:46
do you prefer a host or you like tag team well lately i mean it's strange because lately i've been
00:35:52
doing theaters and it's just me and my buddy o'connor yeah and i god my can bring him on so i try to get him hyped
00:35:58
up to the soul so he he cold opens the show so that's hard yeah but i mean it's all my fans like this
00:36:03
and a lot of them know him yeah they like because he [ __ ] rips so he does a bunch of times so it's like he has to
00:36:09
warm him up at the beginning a little bit but he does 25 minutes yeah so by that i mean they fall in love with him but it's just him and then he shotguns
00:36:15
me uh in jersey column uh terrell came and opened
00:36:20
opened and then passed it to chris and chris to me so i haven't had a host since i did cl when i do clubs and even
00:36:26
at clubs sometimes yeah i'd rather just have my feature when i do clubs that make them host i don't really i'm a
00:36:32
local person i always make it yeah but even still i like shotgunning i don't want to bring someone back on to bring me back just make them like we do at the
00:36:38
club work i want them to work for for the 70 they get paid yeah [ __ ] you
00:36:45
do you ever tip the hosts do you pay out the house what a local host you can do that you can do that
00:36:52
you've done that you've done that yes oh yeah oh can i tell you something uh when i was working a lot one day bobby came
00:36:58
out in his new car and he pulled out this water cash and started flipping it and he looked at me and he goes do you like money
00:37:04
i didn't say
00:37:16
out of character completely you know he did that i don't do it like that do you think
00:37:23
awful so what did i say do you like money i thought it was cool yeah yeah so i said do i like did i give you anything
00:37:29
and i said yes and then you gave me a hundred dollars yeah that's nice well that part's nice but it doesn't it
00:37:34
doesn't make up for the fact that you're a penis at the top penis at the top is what makes it fun
00:37:39
how much money you're in your pocket right now none take it out literally not no cash no give me your wallet why give
00:37:45
me your wallet you have no cash are you robbing me
00:37:50
no cash at all no i have i have these changes give her your credit card for the day for one day no i'm not giving you my
00:37:57
credit no [ __ ] that let her have a credit card for a day later we'll do it later what would she do i need new i need them because
00:38:03
you have so much situations you have multiple credit cards give her one credit card for the day yeah one that doesn't work no come on give her a real
00:38:08
one i'll give you the one that works and then for and then you can buy you can buy anything you want for 24 hours right here here you go take that one i
00:38:15
just opened a credit card i've never had a credit line before what is elan where is this even from
00:38:20
yeah what is it is this an ebt card
00:38:26
so so i gave you 100 so i go expired yeah so i said i go uh it's okay i go
00:38:32
you like money i pull out a watercat do you like money yucky yeah and then you go i do i give you a hundred and then
00:38:38
what did i say after that and then you said
00:38:43
um and if you and then okay you really want me to say what you said yeah yeah yeah yeah yes you said uh and if and if
00:38:52
there's if you get a debt in my car i get that back then i said it's not that sounds like a deal it's called a deal and i said a
00:38:59
contract sounds like a good deal yeah it's a verbal contract that's why would you say that
00:39:05
i don't know why it's it's uh it's an i it's regrettable yeah it is it's regrettable but i'm being honest i think i did say that i will tell you at that
00:39:11
time i then had 105 dollars who gave you the five mark marion
00:39:20
but mark's consistent he's always five dollars it's always fun i i do once a year yeah
00:39:28
plan i do it intermittently but i never park at the i park on the ramp i parked your car one time but it was your wife's
00:39:34
car that sounds right yeah the jeep yeah you're like you can park this
00:39:39
because it was already [ __ ] up because it used to have a big gash in the side of it oh so you don't let them even get in your car and drive they all know that
00:39:46
they'll tell you yeah none of them parked my car wow i should do that too none of you guys have parked even way
00:39:51
before you were there nobody even parked any of my cars wow even when i had like a car well yeah i mean i just no one
00:39:57
ever parked my car because i just was like if an accident happened in that [ __ ] small lot yeah here was my
00:40:02
logic they're comics they're not [ __ ] professional drivers why the [ __ ] am i giving them my car in
00:40:09
a lot that's as big as this room yeah why the [ __ ] am i doing that it's it's i've had that job the pressure on
00:40:16
you guys is so stupid for you guys to park our [ __ ] cars and maneuver if you hit mike if my car gets hit yeah by
00:40:23
you guys or another comic even [ __ ] up on accident because how many people leave they're [ __ ] drunk yeah right
00:40:28
if that happens they'll pay for it the store will take care of it but i have to physically do
00:40:34
this [ __ ] yeah i gotta go to the [ __ ] guy to get it fixed yeah i have to get a loaner yeah so it's not even the money
00:40:39
it's like i don't want the headache so i park on the ramp and then adam used to be like oh we don't i don't know if we
00:40:45
have all those spots and i was like you guys need to make it happen and now we have all those spots yeah
00:40:50
yesterday we didn't because the hotel had an event and the lot's half under construction right now that's terrible
00:40:56
yeah when you said you got dropped off i was like oh thank god because like we only have like seven spots
00:41:04
that's right this episode is sponsored by bluetooth hey andrew yeah papa got ed dude i know you do but he beats
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important safety information and we thank bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast so i went to a restaurant last night with kalila where'd you go it's
00:42:25
called monsky sorry m-a-n-t's i have the guy's card it was the best restaurant i've ever
00:42:32
been to monsky yeah m-a-n-t is right here los angeles
00:42:38
m-a-n-z-k-e-m-a-n-z-k-e everything they came out with was like
00:42:44
oh i'm in heaven my mouth is in heaven where is it it's right on pico pico and
00:42:50
what um right by the fox oh yeah my favorite place over there is called marty's hot dog stand
00:42:56
okay yeah but this place dude is like um i don't know if it's michelin or whatever but it was pretty pricey but
00:43:02
the same people that could do re republic this is like michelle this is dunlop this is dunlop no you go there
00:43:08
i'm because i was suggesting some kidding oh i just named another tire
00:43:14
jesus christ the outside looks like an old french manor yeah it really is one of the best
00:43:20
restaurants i've been to l.a when you go to the bathroom they walk you to the bathroom that's absurd i like it and they go
00:43:27
why in case you get lost i know how to [ __ ] i've done it before he stands there yeah
00:43:32
yeah he's watching you there's no doors on the stalls yeah toilet paper yeah but there was a big
00:43:37
laugh i got so you know they pull your chair and i've i've never i don't know why i've never had that happen before so
00:43:43
kaleida laughed because i didn't know how to do it right so he pulls the chair
00:43:48
and i went like this right because i felt like i needed the [ __ ] you know me to feel the chair underneath my
00:43:54
bottom just sit down so i stood there like five seconds and he goes to the
00:43:59
the guy goes so this is how we're gonna do it that's what he said
00:44:05
and i sat down and like everyone was laughing but it was like embarrassing that's what you get yeah yeah well you don't want to start dinner with the
00:44:11
trust exercise that's exactly right just trust a trust full just trust you that exactly go to marty's hot dogs on pico
00:44:18
let me show you a real high quality restaurant on pizza is it good really oh
00:44:24
los angeles watch this so when i was a pa there you go that's marty's baby boy when i was a pa
00:44:30
um and i first moved here i i literally had maybe maybe five dollars a day to spend on food i had my budget because i
00:44:35
could eat breakfast at the [ __ ] studio and then i had to get lunch and then i could steal dinner and take it home and
00:44:41
i used to go to marty's and and they've got the original see it says home of the combo
00:44:46
you know what the combo is i'm not kidding what is it it's a filet hot dog on top of a cheeseburger
00:44:52
it's [ __ ] amazing look at there's the combo right there wait wait so it's a filleted hot dog inside a cheeseburger
00:44:58
that's the combo right you're looking at it right there easy so i'm sorry we gotta figure out a way to jazz this ham where's marty where's
00:45:06
marty from what where is that i don't know i'm just hitting there bobby has a total of one accent he
00:45:11
can do yeah and it's ambiguous it's ambiguous that's why no no it's french it's mexican it's all kinds of tell me
00:45:17
the last time you've seen this before yep when i my point is stop stop stop have you ever seen this before
00:45:24
no no so that's my so that's my point that marty's figured out because because marty i'm assuming
00:45:29
was a big boy and he had a hot dog in one hand and a burger in the other yeah and his mouth was full and he had food all over his
00:45:35
body yeah and he was like why can't i just put these together and someone was like do it marty do it
00:45:41
he's like you hear me yeah and he did it and it you know what this is to me this is when you get the mcdonald's breakfast
00:45:46
and you put the hash brown in the sandwich which everybody does right i never thought of that wait wait that's
00:45:52
what it is i've been taking a bite of the sandwich and then invited the hash brown take a walk
00:45:58
that's insane no you put the [ __ ] put the hash brown in the sandwich and you put it right that's it's supposed to by
00:46:03
the way it should come that way mcdonald's wise in the [ __ ] up i also like when they put the egg in there
00:46:08
like a fried egg and a hamburger oh absolutely yeah that's good so good okay let's
00:46:13
create our own hamburger then okay what is it gonna be called the bad friends burger the bad friends burger all right but we have to we might have to do some
00:46:19
arguments because but let's try to make a great hamburger but that's original okay we gotta give some credit though it's called the the b the bfb the bad
00:46:26
friends burger yeah featuring juicy yeah yeah yeah juicy the juicy burger the juicy burger the bad friends juicy
00:46:32
burger yeah the bad friends spelled like juicy smallette okay so let's start with the bun right the bun has to be brioche
00:46:39
wait what if it's not bread [ __ ] jessie
00:46:44
[ __ ] man she's off to a hot start she's off to a hot start what is it because jules would have said put a
00:46:50
knife in it yeah yeah i mean and like what what if it's what are these two sides of knives yeah okay so what's the
00:46:56
bun then if it's not bread what is the bun because donuts have been done doughnut burgers we've seen before yeah true yeah what is the bread what could
00:47:03
the bread be look at pretzel's been done yeah pretzel bread by the way pretzel buns are
00:47:08
[ __ ] yeah i mean bagel bagel burgers have been done before
00:47:15
a thick pita no i've got i've got it i've got i've got one all right i've got one
00:47:21
thick cut bacon yeah it should be meat it should be me the meat is the bread all right meets the bread
00:47:27
two huge slices it seems thick already we're starting off yeah thick cut bacon is big like that it
00:47:33
can it can handle all that weight yeah so two pieces of thick cut bait can we do this can we do this yeah one side
00:47:39
bacon one side something else no no we do the bacon with bun right but you know we mix it with like so it's a bacon hash
00:47:46
brown or a bacon brown it's like a bacon brown right so you kind of there's bacon and it says but we make it
00:47:53
into a time out no i'm so yes you cut up you cut up the potatoes and the onions
00:47:58
yeah to make the hash browns yeah and you cut up little pieces of bacon in there in there fry them together find them together make a bun form into the
00:48:04
form them into a bottle no bun all right so it's bacon hashtag it feels like it's going to fall apart though no no not if
00:48:09
you if you you got to crisp the [ __ ] out of the hashbrowns we can also add a binding agent if we want to yeah we can add some flour
00:48:19
i was gonna go with flour but might work forget it no no i'm not i'm not a yeah i'm not a chef no but if we do this what
00:48:25
if we do a little bit of egg a little bit of egg flour egg flour yeah potatoes for the hash browns onions to go in
00:48:30
there yeah and then just a little bit of [ __ ] yeah not my [ __ ] mine comes out
00:48:36
mine's very like uh this liquidy viscous yeah yeah yeah well i don't know if can i be honest and say
00:48:42
we don't need comments all right you're right all right of all the times on the show that we do need come in the thing yeah
00:48:48
yeah so no comment because by the way i need a fan at home we want a bad friends fan to make this and send us photos
00:48:54
right no calm is going to be coming in now this is the problem
00:49:01
no when you say no come then they're going to put comments right right i don't know what you want not to lose what you want all right so
00:49:07
god damn so we make the thing right so it's that so now the meat look at what pete wrote by the way one thick cut
00:49:13
bacon and hat hash brown as the bread bacon brown hash brown no no [ __ ] all right letters you
00:49:19
need to put in the yeah yeah they'll know this is the recipe this is gonna go up on twitter right so now the meat now here's the thing with me
00:49:26
with meat right i don't like big chunk i don't like a chunky do you like that you mean i like
00:49:32
when the patty's thinner yeah no pet thinner patties is probably better for me so we do so we can add more stuff to
00:49:37
it correct right so we do how about this we do a really thin patty yeah but what kind of
00:49:43
meat like paper thin no like a cheat like you know a slice of cheese i like paper thin patties paper thin patties oh
00:49:49
like those smash burgers have you guys had those i like smash burgers yeah let's see even thinner i think no because we're gonna do different
00:49:54
layers of it like rice paper thin rice paper thin patty right yes and then we put a rice paper thin piece of what kind
00:50:01
of cheese turmeric is a brand but yeah we can just do okay i'm sorry my bad um jack cheese what
00:50:07
kind of cheese well i think we should have also i do love cheese yeah i love cheese like a uh
00:50:14
like a soft cheese soft chicken like a brie
00:50:21
that is whatever yeah we can either do brie cheddar jack pepper jack colby jack we could do um can we do all of it
00:50:28
mozzarella put all those cheeses in one cheese you could do that holy [ __ ] all those cheeses in one cheese yeah yeah so make
00:50:34
it make a kobe write them all down so all of the all the cheddars all the chicken all the cheddars oh yeah in one
00:50:41
cheese my fresh mozzarella not hardened mozzarella fresh where it's like lumpy off the wet you know how do you put that
00:50:46
into the cheese what do you mean just sit down yeah you melt it down just like brie oh you're gonna mess you mix it
00:50:52
with the brie so put all the cheeses all the cheeses and by the way we didn't even name what kind of meat this is what kind of meat
00:50:57
is it yeah let's go crazy i mean i would say it's got to be [ __ ]
00:51:02
it's got to be something unique it can't be just beef beef is bo we've had like beer okay so no deer yeah no deer i don't
00:51:08
like buffalo i don't like anything gamey what about raccoon is it good i don't think is it yeah
00:51:14
squirrel squirrel squirrel but it's got to be a mixed minced meat it's got to be mixed how about this because yeah how about
00:51:19
this we call this an insurrectionist patty right this is what i assume
00:51:24
people that invaded january 6 so this is called the january 6 burger yeah so we're doing an insurrectionist
00:51:30
patty right so we put squirrel meat raccoon meat anything that they hunt yeah i mean like you know critters
00:51:37
squirrel coons go for rats go go first prairie dogs prairie dogs yeah all that
00:51:42
yeah any little mound vermin vermin but you have to make a paper ship paper favorite thing
00:52:03
that a little thicker a little bit thicker a little thicker yeah to drown out the gopher meat
00:52:10
we need something that's gonna kick over the [ __ ] government you know what i mean uh oh beaver fever gotta put beaver in there yeah yeah you gotta have beaver
00:52:16
meat in the original in the original it's got to be beaver mix that's the original meat everybody everybody likes a little bit of beverage right all right
00:52:22
so you know everyone does avocado boom too simple
00:52:28
oh but the egg i like right but instead of chicken egg what just hear me out ostrich egg love it's huge huge yeah
00:52:34
huge okay good but how are you serving it scrambled fried over easy over medium uh um
00:52:41
what is it when they do it in the in the water what's that called uh when you poach it yeah we
00:52:47
we poach it because we've poached it from the ostrich we've stolen it and we're gonna
00:52:53
poach it again yeah and we age it oh but to make it we gotta age i don't know if you can age egg yeah just leave it there
00:53:00
it just gets older if you don't do anything what well i was gonna say to make it taste extra good we get the ostrich who
00:53:07
laid the egg and make it watch us poach it what does that do that makes
00:53:19
that's my baby it changes the chemical composition to me because we are gonna use that obstructs later okay it goes into the patty it just
00:53:26
seems like a lot to do right i thought we were dreaming all right you're right right let's go
00:53:31
all the way let's go all the way jesse that's good juicy juicy that's good that's good that's juicy that's good so
00:53:37
it said the ostrich has so we have to have some sort of barn man we're this is gonna cost us a lot of
00:53:43
money a lot of money man we have to have a barn all right all right so we'll have a little barn in the back of the
00:53:48
restaurant a baby barn with a gigantic ostrich in there love they're huge okay good right all right so now we're no do
00:53:53
we want can you let me just say that in terms of jobs right you that's your job what to tend the bar yeah you tend the
00:54:00
bar with the ostrich because that's your [ __ ] idea hey but let it elevate you're you're a barn employee okay yeah
00:54:07
yeah yeah and we'll give you points i'm a barn person and you have to park some of the ostriches when they come in yeah
00:54:12
yeah yeah they're going to want to check it out what's going on yeah and they don't like cars they do the scooters they have a
00:54:18
bird like a bird they ride a bird they ride ostriches will exclusively ride the bird
00:54:24
scooters so we get so we have um pete poached get barn
00:54:29
yeah you know so [ __ ] up you know so [ __ ] up about this production crew that we have yeah they are the best yeah they will buy a barn for us yeah yeah we
00:54:35
will next week have a barn yeah they're in here and we'll be like why do we have that so fancy's like what did you put it in
00:54:40
the thing so poaching it is wrong or right i think poaching is right it's gonna be hard to hold but it'll taste good it'll taste
00:54:47
really good all right so we but is it a thick layer because the thing is is that everything's so thin i don't want the
00:54:52
whole thing to come out in just one white egg and there's thin slices of other things well then let's just take a piece of the poaching
00:54:59
let's not poach it okay so what do you want you want fried we fry it okay thin
00:55:05
thin is the key okay all right i'm being real thin is the key then fry yeah
00:55:10
real thin fries right so we have the cheese we have the thin layer of gopher meat oh and all the other road
00:55:15
fever and all that stuff right we have a thicker pizza piece of wage
00:55:21
we have a thin piece of ostrich egg right and then now we we need a vegetable yeah we need a vegetable do we
00:55:26
though yeah you want some greenery yeah yeah that's yeah it'll help digest it yeah
00:55:33
yeah well nothing's gonna help digest this this is what you don't like it already no i love it i'm just saying you're not
00:55:39
gonna [ __ ] for like a week and a half your body is gonna do something yeah yeah so what kind of vegetable though because we're not [ __ ] with lettuce
00:55:45
that's no we're not doing khaki [ __ ] we could do fruit fruit could be cool but you got to be
00:55:50
careful what kind of fruit what kind of fruit what are you talking like a passion fruit little pomegranate seeds that's
00:55:56
something pomegranate seeds let me think about
00:56:02
that i got it i got it i got it too by the way pomegranate can be garnish it can be garnish on top of the on the
00:56:07
bun but i tell you what we're going to we fried into the ostrich egg what the pomegranate seeds yeah [ __ ] money
00:56:13
absolutely [ __ ] much delicious crunch because because you watch hey you did you did uh
00:56:18
not iron chef you did master chef yeah you know texture means everything you gotta have a myriad of textures yeah
00:56:24
good in a good dish and i got it by the way go ahead i know what vegetable we're putting on what is it
00:56:29
artichoke yes because you have it in your house i do yeah yeah but also there's a little
00:56:34
artichoke right there she's our little artichokes and artichokes by the way are [ __ ] bomb fried artichoke is so good you have
00:56:39
a question yeah they have i have a question yeah and i know what you're gonna ask but go ahead what is it what i want to know what is an artichoke no i
00:56:46
know what it is i know what an artist what is it so um artichoke is that it's it's you you eat
00:56:52
the inside of the soft part i'll do it the leaves the leaves have meat in them and you do you peel it out but you don't
00:56:59
chew the meat and then so are you just going to be taking all that stuff off dude you can rip that right off and then get to the
00:57:05
heart right away you can do that oh so we're only doing artisan cart yeah we're not doing the leaves yeah so we put the heart how do we chop it up i mean it's
00:57:12
super soft it's it's this small the [ __ ] heart i know you just [ __ ]
00:57:17
used to put it into the what do you mean you just you just lay it layer it up like pickles like pickles yeah exactly
00:57:24
and you know what we're going to pickle it we're pickling artichoke parts how about they call the artist make it into a paste
00:57:29
oh a spread a spread got it so it's easier like imagine
00:57:35
it's slammed our restaurant or a restaurant yeah it's easier to scoop and spread i mean this
00:57:41
is a dynamic thing yeah i get it get that why is the ostrich in the kitchen
00:57:50
yeah juicy you know yeah yeah we would be yelling juicy she's outside she's like i'm parking the car
00:57:55
yeah yeah we didn't do this right yes all right so we spread it right we put another uh obviously another of the hash
00:58:03
brown buns over it right correct is that enough i don't know juice
00:58:08
um i have another theory it just hear me out what else is it missing i guess
00:58:13
have you ever had a monte cristo sorry a monte cristo sandwich a
00:58:19
monocrystal sandwich yeah what is that look it up it was do you know what it is yeah it's
00:58:24
uh it's like a is it ham or pastrami but just hear well how it's made go ahead so
00:58:31
so all right so basically what it is a monte cristo sandwich is
00:58:37
that's what it is it's a french house right and all the stuff is in the inside
00:58:42
with ham right but it's not there's no borders it's like one solid piece of sandwich oh
00:58:48
that's beautiful right so is there any way we can monte cristo it
00:58:54
i think there's a way we could so basically when you get it it's a block of hash brown but when you bite into it you
00:59:00
see all the things inside it just have to fry it what you have to fry
00:59:05
it together well so we're going to deep fry the salmon this burger yes yeah all right and then we put powdered sugar on
00:59:11
it and a little bit of syrup and a little bit yeah just for a little sweet kick yeah yeah i love this [ __ ] thing
00:59:17
monica crystal the [ __ ] out of that sandwich powdered sugar and a little bloop like a little a little bobby come
00:59:22
drop of syrup yeah but no come please yeah yeah we'll get a little um eye dropper oh yeah eye dropper and it's
00:59:29
just it's just icing a little bit yeah it's just a little bit of ice and you let it ice cream yeah
00:59:35
can someone at home make this [Laughter] yeah if someone can make this similar to
00:59:41
it no no they can make this they can make this yeah it seems hard there's no ingredients on here that they don't have access to that's true squirrels coons
00:59:47
prairie dogs vermin beaver all available imagine just that alone it's a process yeah come on billy how
00:59:55
good of a fan are you what how good of a fan are you that's true make the burger yeah
01:00:00
come on bailey yeah come on back here we got three of them four things they named prayer dog and hogwarts but i don't know
01:00:06
how to get the squirrel man i know how to get a squirrel come here duke yeah a dog out there yeah dude go get me
01:00:11
squirrel let me ask you uh juicy um in terms of the reputation among because
01:00:17
you're you you have access to what how people feel about so who has a better in
01:00:22
terms of just a general general reputation andrew or i what does that even mean just i want to know a
01:00:28
reputation for what is a comedian as a comedian as a nice guy as a as a what a baited question
01:00:35
you're afraid no go ahead i don't give a [ __ ] are you afraid of the answer no she already said it already that i that
01:00:41
people think i'm [ __ ] intimidating intimidating because they want to talk to you i well can i before i answer to
01:00:47
tell you that when i first started talking to you i was like i was like oh this is awesome and then like the next
01:00:53
day i had to tell you that yeah you were bummed oh yeah oh dude so yeah i remember that night because she's in the story i was
01:01:00
yeah yeah so like i was like why do i how did you do it so i'm andrew right how did you do it i was nice to you you
01:01:06
were really nice and i was [ __ ] and i would you said mr santino would you call him no she said hey andrew i said hey
01:01:12
andrew and i i go uh you're you're gonna go on after the next comic
01:01:17
and he he goes what because i talk really quiet yeah she sounds so quiet yeah and then i told him
01:01:22
again and then you said okay well i'm leaving and you got up and left i did yeah and i said and i was very nice to
01:01:28
her and i said i know this has nothing to do with you yeah but i was bummed and i went to one of the people in management and i
01:01:34
said this is not okay because we talked about this on this show yeah i think i heard that the bumping
01:01:40
stuff i just don't like i think it's yucky nasty poo poo fart just call in for your spot i wasn't mean to you but no we all think you guys are both cool
01:01:46
because a lot of people come out to the shows for you guys too yeah so it's like we know it's going to be a good good
01:01:52
show but i was in there well that bad friends thing we did for netflix was amazing that was amazing that was a fun [ __ ] dope thank you for coming out
01:01:58
everybody yeah thank you guys for coming we have that live show well this is the live show you need to watch it the comfort of your own home yeah and these
01:02:03
shirts are they selling these shirts yeah we are only for that only for the show and then they're never gonna show them again yeah right
01:02:10
yeah and maybe one day juicy could be on one of these shirts i think juicy should be on the next show with us
01:02:16
yeah i would love to do that you should do the next show with us what the next podcast well she that for sure but i'm saying
01:02:21
the next live thing that we do yeah yeah i want to see the chemistry between juicy and doc
01:02:27
we'll talk about the lot because doc historically yeah yeah yeah did you know doc no i've never met you
01:02:33
you never met him does he have his picture up somewhere in the locker room or something in the lot locker room
01:02:38
like he's a he's a legend i don't you know i can i think i like the opposite of what i am i'm so needy
01:02:44
and such an open book it's so gross go back to words like needy [Laughter]
01:02:50
do you think i'm needy oh you think i'm the neediest person you know dude the funniest thing in the world is the quest the way he even asked
01:02:56
it do you think i'm needy needy [ __ ] don't call me a needy [ __ ] dude all
01:03:02
right you're my little needy [ __ ] oh that's fine you're you're the neediest friend i have yeah for sure but so let's explore that but you're
01:03:10
also but you're also quite selfish as a needy person where if i need something from you i get almost nothing
01:03:16
tell me i'm wrong you're right and wrong because i don't even understand the question my question is
01:03:22
i don't really understand what i'm saying what i'm saying is if i need something you're needy and i will give you everything but if i need something
01:03:27
from you sometimes you're not a veil but guys honestly because i want to change right
01:03:33
so you think that i'm needy like i call for things i don't feel like i call for like i need this or pay attention to me
01:03:39
or you know any of that you only call when you need something oh so andrew calls like how are you and
01:03:46
that's it we do talk yes we do talk oh [ __ ] so i am needy yeah so needy is i
01:03:52
only interact if i need something okay i've got a goal because it's not gonna change with me we're such old friends it doesn't matter yeah yeah with with juicy
01:03:59
yeah i want you once a week to call her just to check in and say you have to do it
01:04:04
come on torture for you once a week to call juicy so i called juicy once a week ago
01:04:09
how are you what's going on just just to be like hey what's going on what's going on what what
01:04:15
what are spots like in town all right so i'll call ding dong bobby
01:04:20
how old are you i'm i'm good how are you what's like spots around town that's
01:04:26
okay that's pretty good yeah try it again oh i have to do it again well let's say it more close all right because you because i'm memorizing the
01:04:32
way you said it right so let me just let's start from the top okay ring ring is that an asian one
01:04:38
all right you know what that's mean well yeah yeah well i said it to that so i know it's bobby got it yeah okay
01:04:51
no yours is called anyway so ring ring got it
01:04:57
bobby hey juicy do you mind if i call you juicy or because we just did that on the
01:05:02
podcast yeah i think it's funny yeah it's a little nickname that's cool um how's it going it's good what's up do
01:05:08
you need something [Laughter]
01:05:14
no i don't need anything what i need you to do is to listen
01:05:19
too much another knee that seems needy right no what you would say there is no i just
01:05:25
want to see how you are that's true go ahead no i just want to see how you are
01:05:32
no emphasis on you not how i want to see how
01:05:39
there it is andrea are you on the phone too [Laughter] so how are you don't tell don't tell her
01:05:44
i'm here yeah so how are you i'm i'm good thanks for asking what's going on i'm just uh watching tv
01:05:51
and having a good day oh what what are you doing
01:05:56
mm-hmm what you're doing oh well i'm driving down the street because i have to go somewhere good yeah yeah
01:06:02
hey get something to eat hey i was thinking i was thinking about you no no i was thinking i was thinking maybe we
01:06:09
could get lunch what i was thinking maybe we could get lunch i was thinking maybe you and i get a
01:06:17
coffee get a coffee okay i've never done that
01:06:22
with anybody well don't tell her sorry sorry i have a friend in the car
01:06:29
coffee coffee okay um i was thinking you and i could get some coffee you like it
01:06:36
i would i would like it do you like coffee because i don't know you well i actually am not drinking caffeine but i'll get a
01:06:43
tea lunch then because i like food okay yeah i like food too right good pivot yeah and i'm just gonna be myself
01:06:50
here i'm paying oh yeah i have to pay that you didn't even say it yeah i
01:06:55
always said but you could just do it and not say it whenever i go to a restaurant with anybody i say i'm paying you could just do it and not say it you can just
01:07:01
do it yeah because it becomes a i don't like the awkward thing of like because you know you know when the bill co
01:07:06
because they're poorer they don't have as much money right yeah
01:07:13
when you go out with somebody that doesn't have as much money and you're going to an expensive place let's suppose right you i always say i'm going
01:07:19
to pay for it beforehand so they can feel relaxed during the meeting because they can order whatever they want so tell her where you're going to go yeah
01:07:25
so we're going to matsuke oh yeah montsuke is that a dinner or a lunch bus spot it's we can go have lunch
01:07:31
there but it's they basically it's a um they they serve you there's no ordering
01:07:39
yeah sure okay where do you live and then i'll get your address goodbye goodbye pick you up
01:07:45
good right now yeah right now okay yeah yeah this is great and then we hang up and
01:07:51
then we have and then i call it [ __ ] coffee with her dude now i have to go take her to monster i gotta call the [ __ ] manager
01:07:57
you know how much that costs a lot yeah but that's what you gotta do if you wanna stop being needy and start being open for other people's feelings and get
01:08:04
to know what she's got going on you gotta take her to matsuke i'm to start with weiner sister first
01:08:11
marty's marty's first martyrs we'll get that [ __ ] hot dog right and then we'll move our way when you graduate the summer we'll graduate
01:08:17
okay so i'm going to start doing that but this is what friendships are that's what friendships are yes that's what they are exactly yeah yeah yeah do you
01:08:23
feel like would you feel weird about that because i've never done that with anybody yeah i'd feel a little weird
01:08:28
because i also don't know the last time i've eaten at a restaurant that that like extravagant okay that's it and
01:08:34
then we're taking her to a nice restaurant now yeah no no no this is enough of this there's enough of this we are really going to take it down yeah
01:08:40
where do you want to go where do you what's the place that you really wanted to eat at i don't even know well we got the best restaurant you've been to in
01:08:46
l.a how long you've been in l.a so i've been to tao that's probably the the fanciest place i've ever been to and
01:08:52
where's that at that's right by dream hollywood it's in hollywood tau it's brand new it's it's well relative in you i said pre-pandemic
01:09:00
how old are you juice 32. okay what what's your favorite kind of food is the best way to start pizza
01:09:07
great we'll take you to a pizza place maybe blackbird have you been there yeah on melrose okay
01:09:13
or do you like italian food what's your like which i like ramen um okay uh no i want
01:09:33
steak yeah do you like steak i like steak apolly cooked okay so paulie cooked us holy crap
01:09:39
polly steaks vomited wait he cooked he cooked us
01:09:44
these were two for one it's smart yeah we're going to take you to a real
01:09:50
rest we'll get a really really nice one yeah yeah i'm so excited to do this this is exciting i like lots of food yeah one
01:09:55
more time for the last time we're doing this show live we have a bunch of surprises i wish we could even
01:10:01
tip one of them but we cannot yeah we're doing a bunch of fun stuff for bad friends live tuesday june 28th 6 p.m
01:10:08
um go to momenthouse.com bad friends the link's in the description of course it'll be up on the screen somewhere do
01:10:14
yourself a favor watch this it's going to be so much [ __ ] fun and then you can buy a shirt on the site and they're
01:10:21
only available for that time before that time and then they'll go away uh again bad friends live stream tuesday june
01:10:26
28th at 6 p.m pst get your tickets right now momenthouse.com bad friends juice juice
01:10:31
dog look into that what's your handle you have a handle though you want a pro oh yeah plug all that [ __ ] everything at jetski johnson sick
01:10:38
comedy store wednesday nights up next maybe you'll see bobby yeah maybe maybe
01:10:44
jet ski johnson on insta twitter all that [ __ ] everything and we'll put the description i'll put all her [ __ ] in the description so people can go check her
01:10:50
out and my clip on stand up with a spot is coming out soon which jeremiah watkins [ __ ] yeah and you put him up on
01:10:55
you don't say that his name that much don't you love him no we're gonna we're gonna poop
01:11:03
we'll say bobby's buddy yeah yeah bobby's bobby's brother's buddy bobby's brother's buddy um juice dog look in
01:11:08
that camera right there and and uh take us out with our final phrase do you know what it is what we say every time when we say goodbye
01:11:14
thank you for being a bad friend [ __ ] yeah [Music]
01:11:33
i forgot why are we doing this what do you mean why are we doing this because you've never had a fancy she's never had a nice dinner yeah you starving i
01:11:39
haven't eaten all day for this oh my god well now your stomach's strong so now you're going to eat like one thing
01:11:46
welcome i always wear flip-flops you know we
01:11:51
have the whole restaurant for ourselves because this opened five minutes ago here's the best thing when you get a
01:11:57
podcast you just have to find someone you fall in love with and that's what you should deal with this is what we do we build an audience
01:12:03
we build an audience we build an audience like this one every time
01:12:13
caviar and oysters man are we living the good life what are we doing welcome cheers welcome to the family
01:12:20
enough i'm not toasting you well why can't welcome her to the family she does one podcast she's in the family no she's in
01:12:26
the family take five it takes five yeah yeah all right so here let me uncheers you
01:12:34
let me ask you whoa
01:12:41
[Music]
01:12:53
[Music] i love you guys
01:13:00
[Music]
01:13:06
yes [Music]
