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[Applause] baby we're coming down to Florida Orlando Jacksonville Orlando
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Jacksonville St Petersburg Hollywood we are coming we're going to see you and then we come back to the West Coast and
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we do two shows in Riverside and then one in San Diego before we head back to the east coast but come out and see us in Florida check us out Jacksonville St
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Petersburg Hollywood and Orlando come see us go to badfriendspod.com bad friends pop.com
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[Music]
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we're bad friends we want to give a shout out to so many different people look at the stardew valley this is this
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is stardew Valley marriage pendant I'm gonna give it to somebody one day
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why why won't you marry me yes I do yeah but in the game don't you marry guys you
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marry men in the game I've normally married one guy what what's his name Elliot what's up what's up Ellie what's
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up Ellie bro and then show the star new star that you got from somebody what does that mean someone said that's important too this is a um star uh this
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is a um star drop oh star drop yeah yeah and you um it it enhances your um energy
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and the young lady that gave it to you said it it does what you don't remember this is my favorite part is testing him about the gifts what did she say it does
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what something special yeah I just told you no it does something in it's practic it does
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something practical in the real world oh it is yeah oh it's a water weight nope oh wow that's a lot of weight
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paper away it changes it's a paper it changes color it's a mood it's a mood uh it's got that mood ring thing inside of
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it where so when you hold it with your hands it'll change color yeah exactly yeah that's right oh let's see what kind of mood you're in
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and then we'll oh gray you're gray forever yeah I'm great forever and then we got these from a soldier which I want to say thank you to he gave us these
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number five so disrespectful would that Semper Fi is a thing that's good right yeah but you
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don't that this kid was in the Army yeah flower power the Army is I'm the guy
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that puts the flower on the [ __ ] muzzle hell yeah yeah no I don't do that I poo poo in there but uh my point is is
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this um thank you for having me and good to be back it's good to be back here in the studio another thing is um also
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shout out to all the navajos shout out to all the natives that showed up but mostly not Navajo is the best one that's
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what they said though we signed more Navajo no they did say Navajo they said was like they said they were like the Japanese that's right yeah yeah the
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natives they said Navajo is top we had more navajoians come out so shout out to my navajos yeah that came out and my
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brothers which one's the one from The Last of the Mohicans they're my favorite kind I have no idea the ones with the
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white and the scalp did they all do that I think it's a universal thing oh I think it's scalping like a universal
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thing that native people do yeah that's how about Dancing two okay who's the
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best is it they don't dance is it the darker the Native American the better dancer they are probably yeah they go to the
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lighter skin natives are they just shitty dancers yeah and they found turntables with the darker ones [Laughter]
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maker oh another thing is I wanna before I forgot um will you well we're on the road juice
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do not make fun of my dating Style and the way I converse with you know I
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mean the ladies okay the tea shop I know it reference he had the tea shop Gohan go ahead and yeah
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don't mock me when I'm doing my stuff where was the tea shop in uh in um it was in Spokane Spokane Washington I went
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there beautiful girl yeah it looked just like kalila can I say that oh my god oh
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no she did look identical it has a type
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what happened they're hitting it off fireworks no I'm not hitting nothing off I thought so there was some chemistry
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she is what I liked about her too she's hot but then she's also good at like breaking the eyes yeah see she started
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the conversation so I'm like oh hello baby what did she say hello oh that's hot dude when they say when they say
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hello oh my God that gets my engine running yeah yeah when she said hello you could
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hear this yeah and I heard it back from her too if
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I'm being honest oh really yeah they're going back and forth and then out of nowhere probably like they're really hitting it
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I need conversation go ahead and he goes the thing I like about Star Trek is how much dilithium crystals there are and
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I'm like dude I think you can and you can hear her go she literally left to go stop she walked away from the
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conversation and then like Jeffrey's tubes and you're
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looking at me like like you're trying to shake your head like stop stop yeah but it didn't stop did she ever say that she liked Star
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Trek no no well why because I was segue into that all right you and I are on a date yeah
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hi thanks for coming to have tea with me in Spokane it's raining let me guess
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your name is malyla I mean hello hi you're you're half goop
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can you see half cook sure yeah yeah you're you're half you know I'm goo you're goo yeah anyway what's up you go
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you a beautiful tea yeah thanks oh I know why I know it's okay I know what yeah you [ __ ] up this
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whole day no no I already know how it started now now be in the conversation I know why I brought it up go ahead
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can I have Earl Gray oh yeah I'll get you some real great teeth you know who else drinks yeah jean-lucard he likes Earl Gray yeah
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is that a friend of yours no that's Star Trek next Generation one of my favorite shows and then um okay 4.95 please I
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know but the deadlifting crystals run you go put in the warp engine here it is take off bye we're closed really good yeah so
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that's how it started that's how it ended too I know well yeah one of the stocking items in dry storage wait is
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this me she was stocking items and dry stores yeah she was packed up our tea and left yeah but you know what how did
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you [ __ ] that up because she I apparently she like she was into you I I think I [ __ ] everything up you don't
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[ __ ] everything up well in terms of the right now I don't know how to do the ladies let's coach you through how to do the
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ladies I don't want it I think oh because this guy right here no don't shake your head man
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Casanova did oh Casanova
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Casanova I do you know there's every city we go to he's got a new lady yeah I
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I see him in the mornings he walks downstairs in his you know on the elevator or whatever or with a new lady
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around his arms and um I'm always with my backpack and my um stardew Valley I
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gotta play I gotta play your song we're probably gonna have to take it out because of you know but this is literally his entire life
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look at this tell me this isn't him this is an old song
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senorita waiting for me down in Old Mexico by the way this song
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gets more and more racist as you listen to it he literally is like got a little ching ching chong he really does I swear
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to god wow he goes ham Ricky Nelson goes hard in that but he's got girls in every city and every place he goes and every
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now your name is Ricky Nelson okay Ricky Ricky that's Ricky or Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky um but in the song so he made love
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to Eskimo one he met he hasn't he has I don't know I don't really and he says she keeps you warming her Igloo that's
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what oh she is right so he goes all of them he said how about [ __ ] he says Mongolian I leave her coated in glue
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while she kept me warm and her and glue whoa I didn't hear that part yeah that was in there so he's he he'll go he'll
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go ask him Ricky Ricky goes everywhere yeah maybe Ricky Ricky doesn't doesn't discern but anyway you know how like in
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cartoons the eyes if there's someone's dead they put X's yeah your eyes had [ __ ]
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fingers looking at me at you like [ __ ] you yeah no way every time you do it you
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say [ __ ] you to your boss that's right I want to know I wanna what I want to I'm gonna hold your hand I want what what
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happened with those girls in um Seattle or in Portland you had like four girls with you oh yeah and you left
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with all four and then I asked what happened and you were like oh nothing I'm back in the room but you had like a
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lot of girls with you five I was actually up on the fire escape and I saw you burning around on your scooter around town alone alone no he wasn't
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alone he took them to the Enterprise one time Jesus in Phoenix I almost
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crashed my [ __ ] scooter because of you because of me oh because I was scooting wrong
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I took a scooter with my cousin to get a burrito at uh two in the morning that last night in Phoenix yeah and we went
00:09:02
down to South Phoenix and she knows Filibertos not so good yeah but honestly
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dude it was he was like where is this I was like it's not bad it's down the road we got halfway down the street and it
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was like six cop cars people screaming at us I know we I know why you went to Filibertos because when you went to school there that was good and then now
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as an adult because you have money and you can eat good Mexican food it was terrible it's terrible yeah yeah I'm the same because we had one in Poway called
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Alberto's yeah Albertos yeah and I drove from L.A all the way to power two and a half hours just to eat it not worth it
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and I had a stomach ache I'm not joking when I say this isn't like for the sake of the show yeah that night woke up at 4
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30 had to go to the bathroom woke up to catch my flight went to the bathroom in the hotel went to the bathroom at the airport went to the bathroom on the
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plane got home went to the bathroom yeah and I genuinely called my cousin Luke
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and I was like are you okay he's like absolutely not I'm so he's like dude I'm
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in so much pain a California Burrito of course that's my favorite dude french fries avocado
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cheese sour cream and you pour that salsa they make
00:10:07
homemade salsa down there but I gotta tell you yeah that carne asada yeah was something off the side of the road right
00:10:14
I dude it was roadkill I was rumbly bumbly in the tumbling even as we were on the scooter every bump I was like
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whoa whoa oh boy yeah that's a bad idea I feel like yeah I like the taquitos
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from our Alberta oh yeah yeah but what I realized is that because
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that was the first time I ever had guacamole what what do you mean back in you know when I lived when was I in high
00:10:37
school the first time was at Alberto's that's Alberto so I go this is authentic right and it's mixed with 80 sour cream
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yeah it's all sour cream yeah it's white right but you think it's this is like from I'm in one
00:10:51
and then years later you have real guacamole and then you eat that [ __ ] and just [ __ ] your body up there's a there
00:10:57
by the way my favorite place in San Diego used to be next to The Comedy Store was a tiny little fish market called uh uh
00:11:06
Pescadero or something like that and yeah Pescadero yeah and man fish fish and I miss it so much that was so good I
00:11:12
used to go there all the time now they're too fancy for me but we had I will say this we had so much fun on the
00:11:18
road so far we have we have so much more to do Carlos has been give him some credit has
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been working so hard thank you I'm serious I made it move a couch five times yeah I saw that definitely I made
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him move a couch from one green room to the other and I go put it back in the other Green Room he put it back I remember I was there put it on the stage and I want to say this too I never
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thought you would work ethic
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you thought he was refried now he's Pinto oh you're black bean oh you're black bean yeah because then you eat
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nice yeah you always get I'll have a salmon salad you always have salad yeah but in real time you get mad at me for
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that yeah because it's weird yeah it is weird yeah but I want to go to a steakhouse we're all getting steak and
00:12:04
you're like I'll just take a salmon salad that's insanely a little inappropriate yeah so Ricky Ricky black bean you're off to a hot start the next
00:12:11
half of two is going to be wonderful hell yeah we hate to tell the fans at home who need to know uh the tour got
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broken up a little bit our videographer McCone got fired on this tour he will no longer be with us he's learning about it
00:12:22
right now in studio yeah you're fired yeah and you're laughing but haha you're gonna haha your way on under the
00:12:27
unemployment line idiots you texted me the other day like um hey if you need any help with tiger belly what the [ __ ]
00:12:33
this [ __ ] guy is trying to be proactive I [ __ ] hate it it's so cute
00:12:45
seeing you guys having so much fun on the road you know a lot of fans are asking about you you would need me but
00:12:51
now we don't need you no it turns out we don't need you at all right in fact I get that you're being you're missed on
00:12:57
the show some people have been asking about it oh yeah but the reception they give Carlos is in place of you right
00:13:02
yeah yeah you know he embodies you Carlos is soaking up all that energy
00:13:07
go ahead what'd you say I did flip off everyone in Phoenix all four thousand people yeah what was your attitude in
00:13:14
Phoenix because I didn't know that you told them to boo me I didn't tell them that I did she did oh Jesse did yeah so
00:13:22
then you got all mad about it in front of Bobby's mom by the way people people got to meet Bobby's mom in Phoenix she left the side stay shoe but you know why
00:13:29
because of that no why because I could tell my mom once my mom walked on stage
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it just dawned on her that she doesn't want to be up there right I saw her her eyes you know what I
00:13:41
mean and um she's like I have to get the [ __ ] out of here you know what I mean yeah
00:13:48
she switched yeah she um she's just like and then she disappeared but she went downstairs and
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the onto her iPad on her iPad you and your mom are so cute before the show they were on the opposite ends of the
00:14:00
couch buried in their iPad and you and your switch yeah both in their devices she was shopping for dresses I said
00:14:06
would you really what are you looking for she goes new dress yeah she said to me noon dress and stardew Valley he was
00:14:12
searching for dresses but when I saw my mom do that I realized what it is and what we have the same problem but we
00:14:19
just don't want to be in the moment yeah you don't want to live because you know you know generational trauma no I really
00:14:26
do believe I know I told you about his her aunt right what happened yeah and um she never dealt with that my dad's abuse
00:14:33
and so she is she doesn't do drugs but she escapes through being obsessed with
00:14:39
BTS or buying new dresses new dresses or um what are you laughing because
00:14:44
she loves watching videos and little videos and then just being you know just not thinking about the
00:14:51
moment escapism escapism yeah so what is it what does your mom do day to day do you even know she just watches Korean
00:14:56
dramas and Google's BTS and probably just plays with her like Dodge okay oh
00:15:02
my God watching BTS I was hoping to say plays with her dog or something no no no not anymore yeah but she uh um she she
00:15:10
probably does that I mean it's so funny you were gonna hang an extra day I stayed an extra day you were supposed to stay an extra day and you didn't I
00:15:16
couldn't you didn't want to hang with her no because mothers I had a movie to do it was Mother's Day I know but it was
00:15:22
literally Mother's Day and you left I know but I shot Monday early five in the morning I know but Sunday was literally
00:15:28
Mother's Day and you didn't even stay to hang with her on Mother's Day she doesn't even know it's mother day I said Happy Mother's Day to my mom and she
00:15:34
goes good night she doesn't care she didn't care about Christmas she didn't care about her
00:15:39
birthday she didn't care about that's why you don't care about any of those yeah I don't care she didn't care I don't care wanting to flip the script
00:15:44
and you start caring you can't care if it's like it's like somebody just texted me today are you watching the Hurricanes
00:15:49
game I go you're in a hurricane I don't know what the [ __ ] is going on why would someone ask you if you're watching a hockey game that's one by point I don't
00:15:56
know you don't like hockey but I don't like it's like you know I'm interested in what I'm interested in that's true right and so you how do you get involved
00:16:03
in a holiday when you don't care you don't have to I guess yeah no it's true
00:16:08
I never know what anything is well you do you know when Halloween is seriously yeah October 25th yep I don't
00:16:15
know it starts on the 25th the 31st yeah is it yes or whatever
00:16:21
I can tell because you see that I could tell because you could see like the Mexicans you're Forrest Gump you are 100 Forrest Gump you know when when I know
00:16:28
when it's Halloween everybody dresses real funny yeah but
00:16:34
it's bad when you that's basically you when you're in a relationship and you don't know birth dates or
00:16:39
write them down in holidays or anniversaries it just it's always a fight all right well check this out we have two birthdays coming up back to
00:16:46
back and juicy yeah juicy I mean I think my birthday's a travel day yeah you know
00:16:51
what the letdown is these kids think they're gonna go to Disneyland in Orlando and it's not gonna happen I don't think we are yeah
00:16:57
because uh it's just it would it's a travel day to get back to LA for the Riverside and San Diego shows and they
00:17:03
would go you guys can go I'm not going after Dollywood you know whatever I don't believe in I don't believe in
00:17:10
Disneyland or world without kids I think you look creepy I don't wanna dolly
00:17:16
world is an is a roller coaster park different Disneyland is for children not
00:17:21
grow and grown-ups that go alone I'm sure we have Disney fans it's I don't get it it's a little scary to me that is
00:17:28
for the joy to enjoy like he can take his kid there right but if he goes alone imagine look at him fancy yeah if you
00:17:34
see him strolling around the Magic Kingdom first thing you think I know well look at them
00:17:40
that would wait in line three times for It's A Small World get off get back in line and do it three
00:17:48
[ __ ] times I want to go on the teacups yeah we can't go on the teacups It's a Small World by the way is a
00:17:53
[ __ ] ride I'll tell you why it's supposed to be representing the world right yeah so you see like Eskimos up
00:18:00
there there's like eight of them right then you see like Denmark or the Netherlands right there's like 20 but
00:18:05
then when you go to China there's seven well they could we want a billion no but I'm just saying make it 40.
00:18:13
and then I realized you sound like you're working for the Chinese government and I'll tell you what I realized when I was the last time I was
00:18:19
I I realized what it was they were in the water because of the earthquake they're down there doing this
00:18:28
because it's the only explanation it's like I want it to be reflective yeah of the population my favorite was the
00:18:35
Pirates of the Caribbean ride yeah because they are perverse they're like ah nice boobs young lady yeah they are
00:18:41
creepy yeah have you ever heard some of those no they literally say boobs yeah they do they go great cans my lady yeah
00:18:47
they say stuff they used to say stuff like that when we were kids really they would say lick my port side oh that's
00:18:53
not that's blue that's not that blue now kids don't know kids don't know the difference but you guys can go if you want to go if you want to go you can go
00:18:59
but I'm telling you I'm not gonna go I hate it if you really want to go for your birthday no I'll sit on the plane
00:19:05
for my birthday we'll buy you tickets we'll buy you guys tickets I'll get you a fast pass but we're not going we're
00:19:11
not going I love you guys so much I'm glad I'm working for you guys there's so many people I could have ended up
00:19:16
working with and I think about it every day you're saying it like you have a gun to your hat yeah yeah
00:19:21
let me think about it real soon now man I love you guys so much
00:19:29
okay be spoke hosts you know bespoke pose is
00:19:34
my favorite you know why box of awesome I love boxes if you if you if you have a friend or a loved one that has a
00:19:41
birthday or a Christmas gift a box of awesome is the best gift you can give anybody I just want to open a box of
00:19:47
awesome live please do it because I just got this box of Awesome by the way yeah and what do we got in here illumi light
00:19:52
bulb with a free uh with flicker free sleep incredible this is the coolest thing about getting this you got gravity
00:19:58
razors most of the stuff that comes in your box by the way is being sourced from uh small companies like Mom and Pop
00:20:05
type stuff that you're supporting ninety percent of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up and coming brand that's incredible in each
00:20:10
of these boxes they're valued at like 70 bucks and you're gonna pay a fraction of that price and it's so easy you you fill
00:20:17
out a quiz a box of boxing officeum.com your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome for you they
00:20:23
release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories yeah and the best part is it's not just for you look
00:20:28
I think you should get yourself a gift I think you should pride yourself and give yourself love but also give it for a friend if you don't know what to get
00:20:34
somebody get a friend a box of awesome that way that's a great gift giving ideas you get cool razors and light bulbs and all sorts of fun stuff in here
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I'll give you an example of a box okay like there's a box called Gadget this multi-tool comes from SOG a company with
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deep roots in the US military whose products are regularly field proven by the U.S Special Forces I just got the
00:20:53
carnivore box at home and it's got the American barbecue rub and it's so delicious so how do you get a box of awesome Bob Talent yeah 20 off your
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first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome.com and enter the code bad friends at checkout that's box of
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awesome.com the code is bad friends for 20 off your first box box of awesome.com code is bad friends
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so can I just say this McCown yeah right no more caviar for you dude first of all
00:22:36
okay time are we talking about caviar yet no and you gave this you gave him caviar no no let me say something he
00:22:43
does not deserve I ordered it for myself did I not say it oh how's the caviar yes
00:22:49
I put my finger up right and I had my nose off to the sky why did you give me some and then this guy was like
00:22:55
you know I never had it before and I go what you've never had caviar I don't
00:23:02
know no I've had french fries well maybe one day you'll get it that's what I would have said and I'm like I'll and
00:23:07
then guess what he made me do three times I made it for you oh he made you put it
00:23:12
on the little thing dude I picked up the bread I put the [ __ ] crunch on purpose because he wanted control over
00:23:18
the caviar amount I can't stand this one I can't stand you right now you just [ __ ] round me up what the [ __ ] you
00:23:25
say say it again but you know it's true that's not true you didn't want him getting a big old scoop of it
00:23:30
because he doesn't know how much to put on and he's not gonna appreciate it anyway if he gets too much caviar you're
00:23:36
just gonna be like this is okay and you know he did one of these because he wants to be sophisticated but he ate it and he did one of these events he went
00:23:42
he just narrowed it yeah you don't like it [ __ ] that's good caveat
00:23:47
if you don't like it you don't like you didn't like he wants to be here's another thing you [ __ ] did you
00:23:54
idiot and I [ __ ] I love you though but um he gets wine
00:23:59
right in a movie or I don't know who taught him this but to stir it right oh he swirled it he's not swirled it one
00:24:06
time for 20 minutes the whole time idiot he was just sitting there eating the caviar just swirling this wine and I'm
00:24:12
like I think you just swirl it a couple times I don't I don't know why do I cut you when we fire him and he's living on
00:24:18
the streets and we see just a crazy kid under a bridge just swirling nothing just his hand like this in the air swirling nothing his own piss yeah yeah
00:24:24
his own piss it's insane last night I didn't wrap till three in the morning yeah you're shooting a Bill
00:24:30
Burr movie congratulations Bobby's shooting a movie that's huge
00:24:36
anyway written and directed by the legend bilber what more do you want you look badass too yeah the pictures were
00:24:42
yeah that was cool but I um just to be but we're out in nowhere land we're you know you know in the Dark Knight the
00:24:48
original I think of the first movie Batman Begins you know that whole um Shipyard container kind of were you in
00:24:55
like San Pedro or something yeah yeah it was like they had this Moody smoke light
00:25:00
and I have guns that's so cool it was so cool and Bill's like do it again you know what I mean do it again yeah and he
00:25:06
was so like as a director I mean because you know when you're being directed by a guy like that you you look up to and you're in
00:25:14
and it's intimidating it's not no not because he's my friend but there is a weird thing where it's
00:25:19
like you know when he's giving you notes you're like you know I gotta do it right you don't want to [ __ ] it up if it's some TV director I was like I'll try my
00:25:26
best but you know what I mean I don't want to [ __ ] up it was just a certain kind of pressure it was cool dude he was
00:25:32
like so cool what's the name of the film I can't tell I talk about it I don't need a lot to talk about well we can talk about shooting a movie with Bill
00:25:37
that's fine did you know your lines this time dude this guy yeah why don't you go back
00:25:43
to your baby this guy's attitude Bobby is still no no I don't even know what he means here
00:25:48
let's let me tell you something you fancy [ __ ] all right don't ever talk to
00:25:54
me like that that's all right number one all right I've been nice to you too nice right number two you that that was
00:26:01
uncalled for yeah right and and also in what circumstance did I not know my
00:26:06
lines Esther movie exactly but can I say some of this all right yeah um I did my normal life and also um it
00:26:16
wasn't that I didn't know my lines it was um that particular movie first day it's me and the director we have a history
00:26:23
and there was a give and take and it was just an it was not it had nothing to do with the Lions man yeah no no no what
00:26:29
I'm saying I apologize shut the [ __ ] up too all right [ __ ] you dude and then you
00:26:34
know you you know I was so proud of you when you had the [ __ ] baby and [ __ ] calling you congratulations go [ __ ] yourself man right on okay
00:26:41
sitting stewing it dude you throw a joke out there you're gonna get shot at me oh my God what disrespectful too Carlos
00:26:49
knows what he does he's micro dosing right now by the way that's why I know he's being so quiet we got uh we got to
00:26:56
we got some gifts oh yeah and he's taken he's micro dosing for sure I haven't taken any of your gifts but you didn't
00:27:02
take any of the micro dose do you take you ate any of the chocolates you ate some of the chocolate I had some of the chocolate already how did you like them
00:27:09
it's been good cookies by Carol yeah I've been eating more than the micro dose though well you're eating yeah to
00:27:14
get high yeah exactly can I tell you I was what I was gonna do when the cookies came
00:27:20
I was gonna pretend that I didn't know what cookie I ate oh and oh that's
00:27:25
horrible well we made sure because I know but that was dangerous that it was near you yeah I was like
00:27:32
no pretend you don't even like mushrooms you never let you said you never liked mushrooms I love shiitake mushrooms
00:27:40
but I like I like mushrooms in general yeah me too but you don't like psyched out I know I do I just um
00:27:47
yeah it's just you don't need that but I mean there was a split second my alcoholism was like here's a window but
00:27:53
I didn't do it well you know what makes it hard to not have alcohol and I'm trying to temper myself on the road but McCone every single day can we get can
00:28:01
we get more beer do you think we get more beer for the bus by the way polished off two of my whiskey bottles
00:28:06
two of my whiskey bottles and then I gave the crust um the stagehands I said you guys there's beer and booze in that
00:28:12
fridge have at it what do I see he's taking one home he took one home and how do I know he took one home because I
00:28:18
went in his hotel room because the idiot lost his air pods and goes I think I love my airpods yeah we'll get to it and
00:28:24
then I went in his room by the way I went in his room a door wide open door was open latched open no airpod Whiskey
00:28:30
Bottle drank this much and then left the whole thing so it could have been a gift for somebody else you ruined it and then on top of that the idiot finds his air
00:28:36
pods after Bobby bought him brand new airpods this is I just thought I thought about that for the last couple days right and I believe this is true
00:28:44
I believe he always he always headed to airpods do you want new ones that is
00:28:50
very interesting and because when I gave him the new so McCune goes I lost my airpods
00:28:57
and he was like panicking about it so you know me being Bobby Lee and being the nicest guy in the world I thought I'm gonna get new ones so we you know I
00:29:04
had a runner go buy him
00:29:11
[Laughter] I don't know if you were like grateful
00:29:16
or you were the smile on your face was like I got this guy now did you go from you can't really hear you so we'll
00:29:22
repeat it did you have regular approach or airpod Pros okay
00:29:28
airpod Pros so here's what's annoying this idiot lost gen 1 airpods and we
00:29:33
bought him 400 or 500 I don't know how much they are they're like 275 okay
00:29:38
that's 275 too much yeah we should be the best kind no we should have got him the wired he deserves wired headphones
00:29:44
yeah yeah and then so was it a trick because I'm not falling for it again if you say I lost my iPad I'm not gonna
00:29:51
[ __ ] buy you anything yeah if you come to us and you're like I lost my mom and dad yeah we're not finding you nude parents and
00:29:58
get a cheap can you find parent you can find kids can you buy parents you can buy parents
00:30:03
yeah there's some countries that you that you can I would love to buy adopt some parents well what kind of parents
00:30:09
should we adopt [ __ ] man I would probably get the kind that was like um I probably go black you go you're black
00:30:16
Nigeria or something nice yeah I think what age range are we talking my parents
00:30:21
yeah all the parents are gonna adopt I want to run around for a while so about 25 26.
00:30:28
these are my parents these are my parents imagine like these tall skinny young black people as my as your parents
00:30:35
why is my parent would be cool nobody would question it this is
00:30:41
nice to meet you guys how long have you you guys are who to Bobby they're my parents what do you mean let me hold up
00:30:47
I'm mom and dad I mean right these are my parents I'll speak on their rehabs yeah yeah so these are my parents you're
00:30:53
you're uh I adopted them you're diverse casting your own family that'd be cool that's smart yeah I would love to get my
00:30:59
by my own parents by cousins buying a family would be actually awesome if you could buy a
00:31:05
family online to start over again let's say you're somebody who never had any connective tissue to your real parents you never knew them or they died or
00:31:10
you're adopted why can't you buy buy into a family start a business like a website we'll sell families yeah we will
00:31:15
even do like the cheaper ones or like second cousins right yeah yeah yeah you'll be ten dollars for a second
00:31:21
cousin but like if you want a real good you want a sister oh my God 100 grand
00:31:31
are there contracts how long do these siblings last forever oh you get them for life you're unless they die I think
00:31:37
it's a yearly subscription yes I never thought of it this is the business you buy into the family yeah I never right
00:31:43
so like if you you know don't pay your yearly subscription they just leave they disappear
00:31:49
they have suitcases and you're like where are you guys going like it didn't pay we should do a family Subscription
00:31:56
Service where if you're out there and you're lonely you want a family you never you never had brothers sisters or cousins or uncles and aunts you can buy
00:32:01
them from us from Bad friends family BFF your BFF for life what's that big
00:32:06
brother tell me what a big brother is a big brother someone who I I was gonna do that program a big brother is when you
00:32:12
usually it's underprivileged kids who need um guidance influence uh and and one of
00:32:20
their big uncles that's kind of the same thing no there's a big uncle's blacking out of the bar yeah there's nothing a
00:32:26
little creepy hey meet me hey
00:32:36
[Laughter]
00:32:42
baby hey Martin yeah so we should so on our website we
00:32:48
can we we have big people too Brothers oh oh I think big people you
00:32:53
get to pick the size it's like it's like you know curated going to those what are
00:32:58
those Petty will you go to get the doll Build A Bear Build A Bear yeah yeah uh build build a parent build a friend
00:33:04
build an uncle how great would be by the way build a brother would be so cool with those compartments you go into
00:33:10
a store now do you trade in your old one like your brother Steve do you swap him in for something else like it's Elise
00:33:15
that'd be cool would you trade him in yeah imagine you go to trade him in and they're like we can get almost nothing for this
00:33:21
this thing is used anything I'm sorry man this is this one's pretty damn yeah but you could sell them for parts you
00:33:27
can see the Knicks all over this thing right and this thing is maybe five dollars off your next brother Max or if
00:33:33
you could bring your brother to the store and go um I want to just change one thing I would change the breath
00:33:39
you'd swap the breath that's what the breath out now is this a shot at someone in the studio no my brother Steve okay
00:33:46
okay so Carlos
00:33:52
if we swapped out of Carlos yes let's swap a Carlos what would I do I would go um I would go to the hair party hair
00:33:58
Department yeah and get like a nice little fill that in a little tough um upgrade we'll just up you know what
00:34:03
he just needs to upgrade do you have a software update we need to run you through just a little
00:34:09
taller and more hair that's it I think you're perfect just the way you are and I mean that thanks but by the way when Burke Chrysler takes off his shirt on
00:34:15
stage people lose their mind when this kid takes off his hat they go [ __ ] crazy ape [ __ ] it's amazing taking
00:34:21
anything off is ape [ __ ] well and you know what and I promised you well and I promise you no more swapping shirts we
00:34:26
know that that last leg no one no I know but because somebody did say it she did and she said please can I have your shirt and then you and immediately I
00:34:33
said what I say he said I'm not doing that anymore yeah that's what you said yeah and I said he's not doing it and then she said can you make Andrew give
00:34:39
me his shirt and you go he actually really likes that shirt and I love you for that because I really love that shirt yeah because that's not what you
00:34:45
did for me if we switched do we switch we're back to square one I know I know I was letting you know this is how you're
00:34:51
supposed to behave and situation I'm being good I'm coaching you you're coaching me I'm making sure your butthole is facing away from the
00:34:57
audience every time that's true I'm blocking it Bobby you know we talked about it we got in trouble 10 grand show on his butt hole in Atlanta we're not
00:35:03
doing anymore now the buttholes are always at stage but even this butthole in Phoenix I turned around to the side of the stage to see my because my mom
00:35:09
was sitting on the couch yeah yeah she was yeah yeah so I turned around and you know man she's looking at me and I I
00:35:15
you're not gonna like this but she had binoculars she was staring right into it just like
00:35:22
that is by the way we had a couple of great
00:35:27
responses from some of the fans we had one girl when we said give us give us one nickname uh for your vagina or one
00:35:35
word that describes it and the funniest one a one girl said long and I died yes I've been thinking about that she goes
00:35:41
I'm 5 10. yeah of course that's long wow I go is it a penis she goes no no just
00:35:46
super long but is the lips long I think I think oh the Canal's long the length is long I think I like long well I know
00:35:54
you yeah I just don't like a drip
00:36:00
do you want that squid leg something what I mean I'm fine with whatever I
00:36:06
know you yeah we know you we know oh my God no no you know what I didn't want to say anything that's how you're successful you have discernible taste
00:36:12
it's not like you you're actually picky you don't go after uh but literally if there was tentacles coming out like a squid little suctions you would still do
00:36:19
it no that sounds well dude tentacle porn is a thing for a reason somebody somebody like it yeah you know somebody
00:36:25
must get into that kind of thing yeah and by the way I have never had one interaction
00:36:31
from my youth where I got naked with a woman and saw and was like no I've never
00:36:36
done that I've never gone oh no never so you're gonna do it anyway have I said what do you mean if you're both naked
00:36:43
and let's say you see that she's just long lips Lenore and she's dragging the floor you're still gonna go through with
00:36:49
it yeah but that's like jumping like you're skydiving you're already jumping out you can't hold on to the plane yo no
00:36:54
you're already in the air you're away from right you're like I'm in it I'm out I gotta do it I have to finish yeah
00:37:00
that's what looking at a vagina is like I hear but on this but in this case you don't pull the rip cord no I've done hit
00:37:06
the floor and die what I've done it I've gotten back in the plane before with escorts whoa whoa so when you get an
00:37:12
escort you don't like the way it is and you say no thank you I just have so many times where I've seen an escort and I'm like I shouldn't have done this I'm
00:37:17
people pleasing right now but like there's a couple times he's like characteristics
00:37:25
people please because I get there and the girl's not as hot you saw it and you're like I'm not paying for this you
00:37:31
paid
00:37:41
hey why don't you take the money for your time I appreciate you like adult and then go I think I'm gonna go on my
00:37:47
way I just don't feel comfortable having sex and how grateful they would be they'd be like I didn't want to have sex with you either okay I'm not such a bad
00:37:52
client no no I'm just saying they're tired because I know you got girls that are just rifling through people you're not getting premium you're
00:37:59
getting some girl that just came from another appointment no there's no chance you're getting a girl that's fresh for the day you're getting you're getting
00:38:04
fourth or fifth round you're not a top round pick you're not round one you're going sixth or seventh round yeah I'm not Drake of course well that's what I'm
00:38:11
saying so she's like tired she doesn't want to [ __ ] you either let her go yeah but I don't want to have to pay for I don't want to have to give the money and
00:38:17
then be like I'm out oh it's a money thing yeah I'm not gonna leave yeah it's a money thing with you oh no it's not
00:38:24
like that's so shallow you already got them naked they're inside like TGI Fridays I paid for the meal we didn't
00:38:29
even eat the food yeah we didn't even eat it and that's the same thing it's the same thing we saw a fly in our chips
00:38:37
and that's like you've seen an escort a fly in the vagina oh I do have something to tell you guys and here we go oh my
00:38:44
God I'm excited this is brand new brand spanking new news all right okay
00:38:49
in uh Louisville I didn't tell anyone this but I did have
00:38:54
an escort come to the hotel so we can add a girl today wait a minute
00:39:00
wait a minute I was wait a minute wait a minute wait we didn't even have a hotel in Louisville he got a you got a hotel
00:39:05
no wait what city was it then see I'm forgetting I don't even know Louisville was the fly in the TGI I think it was
00:39:11
the one when did we go do the ADR for Magnum oh that was when we were Charlotte Charlotte yeah there you go oh
00:39:16
yeah Charlotte no no Durham Durham we went from Durham to Raleigh yeah she was a fixed southern accent yeah yeah so you
00:39:22
got you got a little friend of the night in Raleigh yeah and she like showed up and she was all ratchet I was like oh no
00:39:27
they're all gonna know she showed up through the wrong door oh my gosh and I literally had to be like to the Marriott
00:39:33
yes I was like cover up you know what's insane that night I went for a ride on the scoot to go to to to Duke you know I
00:39:40
went and scooted to do it yeah and when I came back I saw a little lady of the night oh I swear to God but I didn't
00:39:48
think much of it because I felt like that area had a couple of ladies roaming around well this was from the internet I didn't go on the street but uh-huh yeah
00:39:55
but she might have been waiting for her sister to pick her yeah she have like really tattered dark hair really like tattery like kind of shiny
00:40:01
dark hair yeah you might have seen my girl did you do it yeah it was I mean L.A was obviously the best but bad boy
00:40:08
it was just fun let me ask you what did the lady of the night cost in Durham uh for I just gave her 300 bucks what do
00:40:16
you mean she didn't ask for money you just well I mean it's pretty low in Durham 300 no it's not illegal no it's
00:40:21
not legal if he gets arrested do we get in trouble no of course not okay
00:40:29
what are you talking about no bail what you wouldn't help me you think we want
00:40:34
on our record mailing out no no no you pay for what you did all right you're
00:40:40
right you're right it's a bad boy you serve your time like a man you're right you get out on the other side and you learn a skill find Jesus and you make a
00:40:46
couple I hope you get like assaulted in prison you know I no because I went to
00:40:51
jail for the Xanax thing really quickly and I went to court your mom and your dad I met them they know it's just I
00:41:00
feel so that your parents are just so normal and you know what the worst part is and I met your sister's like what
00:41:06
happened to you his father shook my hand yeah look I'm in my eyes yeah and goes thank you so much for taking care of
00:41:12
Carlos what you've done for him has been thank you Andrew instrumental and I said you know what you got a great kid on
00:41:17
your hands meanwhile you're out throwing 300 at somebody upstairs at the Marriott
00:41:23
you're a bad boy I shook your father's hand but that's not a bad thing I gave a woman money for a service and now she he
00:41:30
doesn't want you doing that no now she gives back to you know the economy I I created he's trying crack that girl
00:41:36
bought crack but also can I say this by doing that behavior you're perpetuating
00:41:41
trauma you are oh my gosh no you are you know what you want that's a feminist argument to this okay let me tell you
00:41:48
something go ahead we're pro we're pro sex work we believe in safety yeah so let's say that okay so the Sheep safety
00:41:54
b b you really want to make up for some of your faults all right for some of the ways you've treated these girls and said
00:41:59
go home or whatever I'm over it I never said that okay I want you to get you know what in the next city we go to I do want you to get somebody and I want you
00:42:06
to not have any sort of relations with them give them money and say I want you to use this to get back on your feet together yeah a thousand dollars no two
00:42:12
thousand keep talking it's gonna go up no sex though no touching yeah
00:42:25
you threw a gun and he did it with his Mexican mind with
00:42:32
his Mexican mind Mexican X-Men dude that was crazy he went like that he just went
00:42:40
up so much it's so convenient uh you've been stewing about a health problem you have you almost resort to texting your
00:42:46
group chat to get your friends opinions why do you do that you're extremely unlikely to find quality medical advice
00:42:52
in your group chat but you can find it from a doctor on ZocDoc here's the problem you get sick you get a tickle in
00:42:58
your throat uh you're not feeling well something feels off and you immediately go to the Internet searching for Stuff forums that who knows who compiled them
00:43:05
you don't know what's really going on stop going this questionable route Instead try zakta you're trying to find
00:43:11
a cause for your symptoms and you stumble down in a tick tock Rabbit Hole full of you know questionable advice from so-called experts you gotta cut it
00:43:17
out all right there's also there's nothing worse than going to a doctor's appointment expecting to be the center of attention and then your doctor seems
00:43:24
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00:43:30
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00:43:36
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00:43:42
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00:43:47
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00:43:52
review doctors you know what you're getting into I've done this myself from the comfort of my own home which is great because I don't want to go into an
00:43:58
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00:44:06
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yourself is a paid advertisement would you ever get a male escort I don't think I could why let's get you
00:46:00
one on the road you don't have to do anything with them I would love to go to like a Thunder Down Under show let's
00:46:06
take her to one let's go I would love to go with you guys would we have to Pretend We're you know what the problem is you know what just happened what you
00:46:12
and I both got so excited for that and we our fans we got to calm that down because the fans are like they're gay
00:46:18
and we're not but I but we do get right yeah because when she was like done we both went oh let's go strip club not
00:46:26
interested that night you showed me your [ __ ] it was too long too what what do you mean
00:46:31
how long it was open he got it yeah you spread your butthole I was sitting there I held it and for a comedy joke two
00:46:37
seconds it goes like this it goes one butthole two but it'll close it close right yeah you're right it was thirsty I
00:46:43
went one butthole too I come to the freckles nine by the way you know Orion's Belt the shark if you
00:46:51
look in my ass for long enough you can see it Bobby sat down and Drew it like Leo and Titanic yeah it was too too long
00:46:57
dude I'm sorry I'm sorry you were buzzed I was a little bit you're a buzz so you just legit I opened up I opened up a
00:47:03
little yeah by the way you just jumped in my mind something else that I saw today is it Bill Pullman was in Titanic
00:47:09
Bill Pullman yeah Bill Paxton yeah he passed away I know he told a story that
00:47:14
I saw probably on a podcast online from a clip that was from years ago did you guys know that the that the the soup on
00:47:22
set was spiked with PCP have you heard the story wow no no this is insane him and James Cameron
00:47:28
um they're gonna go eat food and every day he had gone out for lunch because the catering wasn't his favorite and he
00:47:33
was like I'm just gonna go out for lunch I don't really want to and Cameron was like I just I kind of want to get some of
00:47:39
this chowder like I just let's get chowder and we'll go talk and whatever he comes down they both get chowder they
00:47:44
have some he goes back to his office bill goes back to his room he starts he gets knocked on the door
00:47:50
and somebody's like hey are you feeling okay and he's like yeah and he's like well a lot of people are not doing so well from the Chowder and he was like
00:47:56
well I mean I I think I'm fine I've been drinking water I mean we'll see he thinks oh man the Chowder went bad I'm
00:48:02
gonna have I'm gonna have the two ends no 150 people got dosed with PCP on the set
00:48:08
of Titanic Oh my God and he runs over to James Cameron and is like how are you feeling and Cameron was like I think something's going on like I'm feeling it
00:48:14
and he goes he goes I knew how to beat it he goes I'm I'm really high right now
00:48:19
so he goes I'm just gonna go drink a case of beer and go to bed and that's what he did he went and bought a case of beer and chugged it until he got so
00:48:25
drunk he fell asleep to beat the acid wow but they but they do something they never caught the guy never found out who
00:48:31
did it but he dosed the clam chowder and catering and 150 people on the set of Titanic had to go to the hospital
00:48:37
because half these people didn't know what was going on Wow PCP is one of those drugs where you run
00:48:42
through walls and stuff too right no no PCP is is uh it's acid yeah it's like
00:48:48
hard
00:48:55
yeah PCP gives you like super strength super strength people lift cars on it it's called pixie dust oh right right
00:49:03
it's also known as uh dust yeah angel dust sorry that's right my bad and they went you so but causes hallucinations
00:49:09
right so yeah you hallucinate like crazy pheniclidine pheniconal from piperdine
00:49:15
they could have scared it's angel dust yeah disassociative anesthetic mainly use recreationally significant mind
00:49:20
altering effects so these people are all dosed out of their minds on PCP how dude I would have been great yeah hell yeah
00:49:27
imagine that Titanic they lift the boat back out of the water
00:49:33
[Laughter]
00:49:42
okay that I don't know why that made me that reminded me of it oh but going back Thunder Down Under we I we are gonna go
00:49:49
let's take a trip to Vegas and we'll go to Thunder Down Under holy [ __ ] that would be so fun we should do a bad friend show in Vegas in the fall no I
00:49:55
want to do it we should do a bad friend show in Vegas in the phone would you go to Thunder Down Under in fact if we really have balls we should bring them
00:50:00
on the stage for our show oh my God maybe I'm giving away a secret that we don't want to have out to the world
00:50:06
because maybe we would make that happen maybe do they like Thunder Down Under do they like give lap dances
00:50:15
hey hey yeah I don't want one I mean no they get super dirty they get
00:50:22
they get dirty they'll dance right they'll pull women on stage and they'll put their balls right in their face oh yeah like real balls have you seen Magic
00:50:28
what do you mean their balls oh they don't have like a second set of balls I would have like joke balls
00:50:35
four balls it's just two red deck joke plastic balls so you're talking real ones and you have yourself I don't want
00:50:40
my real balls I got out there I mean I want like beautiful prosthetic balls they keep them in their pants but
00:50:46
they're rubbing them you've done this before I've seen all the Magic Mike movies is it like you know some um strip
00:50:52
clubs they'll whisper like when they're giving me a lap dance like a little extra I mean I'll trick you off I don't
00:50:59
think they do that but I've never been there what do they do they're like for a little extra I'll let you blow me no
00:51:05
they like throw you in there and oh yeah they're strong when you're watching transporn not that I have go on
00:51:13
not that I have but this is one I saw you gotta check
00:51:19
them out yeah yeah there's one that I check out beautiful yeah I mean just stunning go
00:51:24
on right and she or they I don't know whatever yeah yeah they are getting
00:51:31
their penis sucked right and if I stroke a little bit watching it
00:51:38
what does that make me not that I did not that I did but you're asking for
00:51:43
permission no I'm not asking permission I was just thinking it permission to launch I did it I did it it's fantasy it's not real it's
00:51:52
not real but if you see a straight porn with a man [ __ ] a woman and you struck to that same thing same thing
00:51:57
same thing okay look same saying you're gay yeah okay
00:52:03
have you watched porn and masturbated porn
00:52:09
yeah not Disney films but porn I've never seen it but I'm excited to watch porn I've never seen it yet but I'm but
00:52:15
I am excited to start it I mean Andreas have you do you watch porn to masturbate what
00:52:21
you guys are just [ __ ] [ __ ] of course I do what do you mean of course he does do you ever watch anything weird or like oh this is a little
00:52:27
uncomfortable I've watched yeah you know I've talked about it on the show I think I've anime I like anime okay I told you
00:52:33
what I really like or I used to like I don't watch it anymore but I used to see I used to like uh uh uh
00:52:39
oh man what is the one it's a it's a it's an anime um under uh under underwear OverWatch
00:52:47
OverWatch OverWatch it's like it's like it's like mutants with 40 dicks
00:52:53
[ __ ] like 40 chicks it is it's red and it arouses you it's
00:52:59
just fun because I'm sick of the old like oh no I'm stuck in the dryer it's like she's not stuck in the dryer right
00:53:05
fake do you do it as a woman do you watch porno or do you use your imagination I'll do both but I will
00:53:12
watch porn sometimes by yourself watching it yeah a machine or yeah
00:53:19
it's weird to call it a machine what is it called what's it called a vibrator how many toys do you have one
00:53:27
one seems safe do you have toys yeah what kind oh yeah I mean you name it I got it no I'll be real
00:53:34
no be real do you have stalls calls I got uh what do I have I have [ __ ] ring vibrating [ __ ] ring love those you have
00:53:42
a vibrated I've got two of them do you really yeah yes I do it goes to the
00:53:47
bottom or the just where the top is it
00:53:53
yeah no it goes to the bottom it does it have a um it's got a little it's got a
00:53:58
little um a vibrator at the bottom I understand I understand this is for her well you can flip it look you can flip
00:54:03
it up at the top so it touches her [ __ ] or you can put it down below so it tickles kind of her you know the [ __ ] but does it make your penis vibrate
00:54:11
it's on my dick but it's super fun I love it vibrating cockering is one of my favorites yeah I
00:54:17
mean they're so and they're silicone so they're not I don't have like a like I think I think in the back in the day it
00:54:22
used to be like an actual hard ring no thanks give me the silicone ones that's easy to slide on and off I have like 15
00:54:28
things what do you got oh you have pocket [ __ ] but not just I have the ones that you charge and dilithium
00:54:35
crystals that's what you put in it he puts it in his ass wait a minute Enterprise logo on
00:54:41
the side when you when you come you have to yeah yeah wait do you you plug it into the
00:54:47
wall yeah I charge him wow so in your wall sockets are full Chargers uh vibrator
00:54:54
charger no my safe charger no my my um my pocket [ __ ] and my switch going
00:54:59
to one thing yeah so I have those just like Nintendo intended imagine the
00:55:05
develop game developers at Nintendo they have a switch that also has a pocket [ __ ] charger on the side but I I every
00:55:11
year I get a new one because I want to know what the technology is like well yeah and they get better and better you know they sure do don't so there's like
00:55:16
you know you know they have you know buttons and stuff and what it does is there's vibration and also suction you
00:55:23
press a button it just it sucks it out really yeah it sucks yeah it pulls your
00:55:29
penis in okay I'll admit something what you want an admittance on this show there we go I've never admitted this but
00:55:34
I'll admit it to you guys one time we got sex toys for the show we got like uh
00:55:40
do you remember this fancy what did we get we got like we got sex toys we got like a little butt a little butt uh like
00:55:46
a button a [ __ ] a silicone one oh yeah and I was like I'll throw these away
00:55:53
trunk get ready yeah I used it at the studio here at the old Studio oh you did
00:55:59
I did yeah late at night late one night after whiskey Ginger I was recording in the old Studio yeah and I recorded it
00:56:04
you're guessing yeah Gatos is still there [Laughter]
00:56:09
[Applause] after my guests left I wish I remember
00:56:15
who it was but it was it was after the guest left I was in the in the room doing stuff on my computer and this was like an hour or two goes by and I was
00:56:22
like dude I've been in that room I know with your glass of whiskey one candle I was just on my computer and then the box
00:56:28
was on the floor and I was like you know it's not gonna get used
00:56:36
and you know how weird this is I went to the bathroom where we used we had we kept baby wipes in the bathroom and I
00:56:42
just wiped even though it was fresh it was never touched George might have used it
00:56:49
eskimo brother oh man I knew it tasted weird imagine me going down honestly no
00:56:58
but but I but I took it out of the I saw the box it was looking right at me almost like the whole time every time I would type like you know in the Box was
00:57:04
like come on so I did I tried it and honestly
00:57:09
I had to throw it away oh because it was gonna be a problem it was too good I imagine it's like when people do
00:57:16
heroin and they're like oh no I want to do this every day for the rest of my life you know I want to buy one tonight good let's do it no I'm really I'm gonna
00:57:23
go to the hospital I'm gonna buy a new one tonight let's go to the sex store together really no inappropriate yeah
00:57:28
that's insane also I I want to also I forgot to mention um
00:57:34
Carl Carlos or Jesse did you guys rat me out from the pool no no I told you I can't
00:57:42
believe we haven't talked about this on the show nope so let's talk about it everyone at home keeps asking did has
00:57:47
anybody pooped on the bus well guess what somebody pooped on the bus and you wouldn't believe who it is all right
00:57:53
tune in next week so I eat something about driving on the
00:57:59
bus you know and our driver's driving we're in the middle of nowhere I'm laying there and I have this ache in my
00:58:04
stomach like a pinch right and I'm like oh [ __ ] that I I sit up and I'm cruel
00:58:10
over it was so painful and I was gone for the record I was still in Denver right that's when you guys yeah you were in Denver so I stayed in Denver and I
00:58:17
did a um an opening which is a fart when you invited you invited someone
00:58:22
over to the party the Prelude my butthole said Prelude right my bottle says hello hello and the Poo goes we're
00:58:30
here we're here oh wait no no I have to clean up yeah yeah no no you guys can't come in yet no no yeah we're here we're
00:58:37
here so I'm and then like I'm telling my butthole don't shut the [ __ ] up right and all of a sudden they're at the door
00:58:44
you know you don't remind me of it remember when you know all those people showed up at you know
00:58:50
um Bilbo Baggins the house oh here we go again
00:58:55
not those dwarves just show up knock and then they're like eating in there every time this guy
00:59:02
remind me of right there's just one dwarf after another show so you had to [ __ ] because we were out there and I was
00:59:07
gonna go can you pull over but I looked out the window we're in forest just for us
00:59:13
and I go all right I'm gonna get in trouble so I took a [ __ ] and it smelled immediately
00:59:19
you know our road matters was right it just stunk up the [ __ ] place yes because the septic tank is right below
00:59:24
where you guys sleep yeah it smelled like the worst I flush I baby wipe my
00:59:30
butthole I lay there and I laid there for like four hours like a [ __ ] vampire and I was just with my eyes over
00:59:35
going I don't know it's like The Telltale Heart here at the heart beating program and then all of a sudden the
00:59:41
[ __ ] was just like we're down here you're not getting rid of us Bobby and
00:59:46
then all of a sudden I he I smell chlorine yeah that's how I woke up yeah
00:59:52
it kind of grows up I woke up and there's chlorine and bleach it's bleach bleach yeah and and the bus driver or
00:59:59
buddy cleaned it like he's cleaning up a murder mopping so I tell these three
01:00:04
well he had to unload the tank he has to he has to get rid of it somewhere he had to go to I feel so yeah a septic drop
01:00:10
because it has to come it can't stay in the tank I feel so bad and so then I tell Carlos McCone and Jews I go don't
01:00:16
tell Andrew but I took a [ __ ] on the bus well you told me it's privately you said don't tell anybody but you told that to
01:00:24
all of us yeah these guys though don't don't tell everybody well no because I want to be the [ __ ]
01:00:30
so here's who knows I'm Paul Revere yeah I want to be Paul Revere I'm telling everyone well let me tell you something
01:00:35
you took a midnight ride yeah I did a midnight ride so and then now we're at the venue and you walk up to me Spokane
01:00:42
I show up I fly in there yes spoke at and you and you go you took a [ __ ] on the bus didn't you
01:00:48
it's out of nowhere your face was amazing I was livid that you you got
01:00:53
regular white guy eyes they went with the round eye it's like when you saw that ghost yeah same thing yeah yeah same thing yeah yeah literally you got
01:01:00
so scared and I go and I knew that you three had read somebody had to ride me out right and uh and let's just get this
01:01:07
out of the way now that's fine okay and I I want to say this too as your boss guys all right as your boss
01:01:14
honestly dude honestly yeah no hard feelings no resentment it's just a story
01:01:20
it's in our past but you can now admit to me now with no retaliation
01:01:26
who who told Andrew it was Carlos what here's the deal did
01:01:32
you really no yes no holy [ __ ] you're fired
01:01:40
what the [ __ ] dude you never told you never [ __ ] told me that you pooped on
01:01:45
the bus you only told Jesse and McCone I didn't find out till the venue when
01:01:50
Andrew pulled up to us sorry Carla and you had an intuition here's the mystery
01:01:55
my favorite thing in the world was knowing that you thought somebody ratted
01:02:01
you out but the truth is the ultimate truth is nobody ratted you out when I
01:02:07
stepped onto the bus and nobody was on the bus it was beyond squeaky clean
01:02:12
and it was so clean that I thought that's really [ __ ] weird nobody we don't have a cleaning crew to come clean
01:02:18
the bus this week why is the bus so clean and then I thought did Jesse clean the bus no no way and then I went into
01:02:25
the bathroom to take a piss and when I got in there it was almost as if the toilets when I lifted up the lid it the
01:02:32
lid spoke to me and went Bobby because it stunk like Chlor it stunk
01:02:38
like bleach someone had bleached the dwarf showed up at the Shire the Shire they were there yeah and there was so
01:02:44
much bleach in the air immediately I go
01:02:51
and I walked inside I looked you right in the face and I go take a shot on the bus and you went what no
01:02:59
who told you who told you you freaked out and freaked the [ __ ] out nobody told me buddy so if I would have said what
01:03:05
are you talking about it would have been I would have known I something was in my body something told me you pooped on the
01:03:11
bus by the way my brother told you your bottle told me you know how squirrels
01:03:16
get on a cycle when they live together yeah you and I are cycling right now I felt it inside something inside it was
01:03:22
like Bobby pooped on the bus because you guys we're cycling baby so you didn't rap me out Carlos no but he did write
01:03:28
you out for other stuff tons of other stuff tons and tons and tons of other stuff and also I want to say this we
01:03:34
love our bus driver he's great he's the best he's also sometimes at night I get scared we're
01:03:39
gonna die oh dude one night we that was dude that one it feels like we're flying we're going like 110 and I felt a bump
01:03:48
so bad everything fell off it was like we went off yeah yeah it was insane I
01:03:54
swear to God get up and I'm in the I'm in my underwear I'm in the hallway it's like four in the morning and in the
01:03:59
darkness you scared the [ __ ] out well cause you were turned around and I woke up like you did these guys stayed in
01:04:04
their bunk they're ready to die yeah they're Biggie Smalls they're all ready to die yeah I get out of my punk and I go look at I go walk through the
01:04:10
hallways you can't see me I can tell and then when you turn around I go Bob and you go
01:04:15
and then both of us were like what was that and then I walked up there to see because because I I there's a curtain so
01:04:21
I wanted to see if I saw you peek in there yeah and I peeked in to see and he was sleeping right maybe well I thought
01:04:26
maybe he's dozing off you know but no not at all yeah he was sleeping in the in the passenger seat his boss was
01:04:32
driving a good deal no he was fine it was just it was a little I felt like a little maybe he wasn't all the way awake
01:04:39
because I heard a little bit when we go to the side yeah yeah so if we die on the next leg it's
01:04:48
been great it's been great and uh I have another question for you please if I may
01:04:54
I had an incident the other day and I want you I want to ask the room yeah feel the room I want to feel the room
01:04:59
out to see who's in the wrong okay so I'm shooting this thing I'm on your side thank you yeah it's five in the morning
01:05:07
right I don't know the makeup hair Department you mean you're not familiar with them at all I don't know that I just met them
01:05:12
right makeup woman a nice Asian lady and she's doing
01:05:18
um to my girlfriend in the in this movie is Chinese I'm just sitting there getting my hair
01:05:24
done and I go hey what's your name the actress tells me her name I go where you from she goes I'm I'm from China you
01:05:32
know I was born there I love China you know that's where Tick Tock and covet comes from
01:05:37
facts facts and then I just hear the room change because you told her facts yeah like
01:05:45
everyone laughs and I look up no I look over and the Asian makeup artist and her
01:05:51
they're just is the Asian makeup artist Chinese as well yes yeah it's yeah no she's not
01:05:57
sure she's Korean oh she's on your team there's no teams well yeah there are I
01:06:02
know there should be yeah I realize she's probably North Korean right closer to China
01:06:07
my point is this it changes then my the girl that plays my girl she leaves
01:06:14
and I'm sitting there and I get moved over to makeup and the the makeup artist got I can't [ __ ] believe you said
01:06:20
that I don't know because I'm tired she goes covid you think that's funny
01:06:27
well I mean and I go I was is this early and you know I just threw out it's a joke yeah and she goes you know we've
01:06:34
been attacked for that as as a people I know what what yeah
01:06:40
they make a stink of it so does this get around to Bill and nobody okay no because I had to nip it in the butt I
01:06:47
had to nip it yeah I had to nip it yeah careful I had to nip it there yeah yeah
01:06:53
uh there was a [ __ ] in my arm right there wait a minute right so you made a joke I
01:07:01
made a joke a small joke and they did not appreciate it oh no it was gonna if there was HR they would have gone
01:07:07
yeah and you know for me it's like how uncomfortable is the love scene then did you have a love scene thank God but I
01:07:15
knew what to do I I turned to the Asian the makeup artist and I go I'm so sorry it's early I threw out a joke I'm a
01:07:23
comic I don't know if you know that she's like I know but it's not funny yes it is I know and then I thank you so
01:07:29
[ __ ] thank you so much for being on my side I would have laughed you're my [ __ ] Ally you said Tick Tock and and
01:07:35
covet I'd have been like true I would have been on the other side of the makeup trailer we're both now fired what
01:07:41
the [ __ ] yeah well then we'll walk out together also none of that is rude to be honest it's a joke but it's real Thank
01:07:47
You Are We Wrong Are We Wrong here what's going on maybe you go next time go uh oh I love trying to that's where
01:07:53
Tick Tock is from oh you don't say covet you go you leave an ambiguity and then
01:07:59
they'll go what do you mean by um and you go you know or yeah dog eating yeah
01:08:12
I was on set now and I see the girl that plays My Girlfriend yeah
01:08:19
he's sitting there and she's like in a bad mood I can tell just because of this I know right right I leaned up against
01:08:25
the wall okay uh do you have the audition for this yeah
01:08:35
meanwhile to offer only for you which makes it worse yeah yeah so I'm like uh Hey I just want to tell you I was really
01:08:40
sorry about that Joe I was so early and she's like just yeah I mean I'm just really sensitive about it but
01:08:47
um yeah I'm okay I think about apologize you know you [ __ ] pants
01:08:56
but I just want you know thank you so much let's just have a good day you know man Are We Wrong here I know but I think
01:09:02
if people are that or people are sensitive to to jokes in an entertainment environment then they
01:09:08
should have to like alter their behavior oh this is good they should come in the room and go guys I'm sensitive about
01:09:13
covid and Tick-Tock jokes yes I'm letting you know I'm Chinese no Chinese jokes please yeah put it on the table
01:09:20
but we live in a different world now okay honestly yeah okay uh uh fancy
01:09:28
you're well no you're a badass because you're on the you're on our team Carlos be a mediator here be the Zen Buddhist
01:09:33
all right where is covid from Wuhan wuhan's where uh it's in a lab in China okay it's in
01:09:40
China yeah no no I mean literal yeah Carlos where's
01:09:46
Tick Tock from China okay so two for two yeah both of those things were true and neither of them are like mean it's a
01:09:52
fact that a thing happened there and that's what happened a positive one in there first I went that's where Tick
01:09:58
Tock Yao Ming and yeah maybe you needed the rule of three I think that was the problem yeah that's really that is
01:10:04
actually true it would have been a better joke yeah Yao Ming and coven try it again next time you see her with the
01:10:09
three yeah honestly if you see her again in a makeup chair I would do the exact same thing again you just have to do what
01:10:16
they do with all movies now they have a disclaimer said like oh this movie is racist but we're showing it anyway yeah
01:10:22
or whatever you know yeah you should just wear a shirt that's a parental advisory that's like fancy he's saying this to
01:10:29
justify his next movie by the way it's called the n-word and they say the N word eight thousand and it's so funny
01:10:35
because it's like oh who are you gonna go to Bill Burr I know yeah I'll be excuse me I know you're directing movie
01:10:41
but excuse me do you know what Bobby said what he said um what did he say Chinese people are from you know they
01:10:48
they're known for tickle talk in the corporate yeah well I [ __ ] hear no
01:10:53
lies yeah rolling yeah I mean that's there will be no no repercussions yeah no yeah
01:11:00
but you made up with her look I'm sure she's a sweet girl she took it the wrong way and and honestly she knows that you're a lovable guy you didn't mean
01:11:06
anything by it you move we move on life is so there's so much awful [ __ ] this is
01:11:12
nothing on the blip of chaos thank you it's nothing it's a nothing Burger that's why I love you dude you should
01:11:17
get a USB though and give it to her with the pandemic on it
01:11:23
well she definitely has a computer I mean they make them there okay okay but
01:11:28
what also realize there's just two different kinds of Asians ones that have fun and ones that don't yeah yeah but
01:11:34
every group has that that's true yeah yeah well look there's uptight whites and there's whites that get it yeah you're either an uptight white or your
01:11:40
white that gets it there's up tight whites all the time that are just Huffy Puffy for no reason and you're like come on man what is it you know work joke
01:11:46
we're joking because when we do meet and greets we see the kind of Asians that come they're they're the wild kind well let me tell you our meet and greets
01:11:53
we have had an Eclectic group eclectic and when you see the Asians that pass through that door to say hi to you yeah
01:12:00
they love those jokes they do they are ready to
01:12:05
laugh yeah they don't take themselves serious and I've said this before shout out to my Mexican fans I [ __ ] love
01:12:12
our Mexican fan everyone that came out in Phoenix all those Mexicans because every time I'm around a [ __ ] a Latin
01:12:17
crowd they know how to take a joke they don't give a [ __ ] they don't take anything that's serious they have the most fun nothing is that big of a deal
01:12:23
and they like to laugh I even said it I was like I know you guys are in here I can smell you they loved it yeah I I
01:12:29
just want to say are fans in general the best are the best have you had have you had a good reception yeah except for
01:12:36
that one guy that threw a shoe at you one guy George bushner she didn't get hit but she told she died
01:12:42
no we've had such a good [ __ ] reception from the fans and it's been it's been when people ask me we come
01:12:48
home people ask hey what's been going on how's the tour I fits was on the phone with Fitzsimmons and he goes it looks
01:12:53
[ __ ] amazing buddy and I was like it's honestly I can't I don't have like one thing to say usually you come off
01:12:59
the road when you're solo and someone's like how was wherever and you're like it was good but there was you know don't have you know Saturday Night Light Show
01:13:06
is not you know whatever and there's always like a thing or two that you're like I don't know man it just I wasn't hitting on this night it didn't feel
01:13:11
good my hour was a little weak here this has been a dream come true and if and I'm not trying to be lame but it was
01:13:18
it's been [ __ ] amazing I hope we keep doing it we were for a long time um that being said
01:13:24
we are going to cancel the rest of the tour no I need it I need this yeah I do want to make one more comment
01:13:31
before we depart I I did notice your haircut last night in the parking lot and I told you I said someone got a new
01:13:37
haircut yeah and I like it but it's but but I was getting used to the old you
01:13:42
yeah I know I've gone through so much change but I like it but I feel like you're
01:13:47
growing too fast I know I can't stop it I don't want to change either but if you
01:13:52
start showing up really dramatically Chad like if she starts doing that thing that people do when they start getting a couple of bucks in the thing and she
01:13:59
starts changing if you show up with veneers in a couple of weeks I want one Jay no one J on my K9 no no you can have
01:14:05
it you can add that but if you get a full mouth of veneers I'm gonna be bummed all right I someone also want to say is that I know a lot of headlines
01:14:10
that bring one person on but that that person the opener changes and then they cut them off will you guys tell me if I
01:14:17
start changing we're warning you now is the warning I do it what Bobby does
01:14:23
what what you got a haircut I got a hair she does follow you you do
01:14:28
follow me a lot it's weird I'm a little baby doctor I love you I'm not sure like a dog you're like a dog yeah yeah we
01:14:34
gotta pet you all the time we always have to clean up your [ __ ] what was that positive reinforcement what was happening that one day where you went I
01:14:41
feel really uncomfortable right now I don't know it could have been any no but you were sitting it was with McCone
01:14:47
we were working on jokes or bits for the thing and I was acting crazy do you remember
01:14:57
we're getting you're being a meanie weenie in what way I regret already saying that well now
01:15:04
you have to say it if you're gonna go this far you might as well cross the bridge you're on it well because we were working you and me and Macon we're
01:15:10
working on all these segments and we're putting like we went to Goodwill we put one foot in an hour we're in an hour
01:15:17
Bobby slides the door open in his underwear hair wild and he's like write me some bits what do you got thank you
01:15:24
and then we read them one he's like not funny I hate it another one another one and then I just started doing work that
01:15:32
was very funny he showed up his underwear half off of his body you're you're naked your Wiener's out the side
01:15:38
of your underwear that wasn't it was insane it wasn't showing cut it out yeah and then you put that part out and you
01:15:43
go and you go yeah where's my [ __ ] yeah that's insane why are you so defensive
01:15:50
about this you think that I don't do that you did
01:15:55
do this I know I did that specifically in that specific moment but it's not a
01:16:01
general thing that I do that bothered you no it was one day yeah if you ever see me do that before no that's why I started doing origami because I was like
01:16:07
I'm not but wait did this bother you I didn't know that was bothering you it did no because you said no you looked
01:16:13
I've never seen your face like that before yeah I mentally checked out yeah wow no you go I feel really
01:16:18
uncomfortable right now because I was yelling at you oh well macone deserved to be yelled at what was I yelling at you for well he's still he's always
01:16:25
doing some dumb [ __ ] probably when he ordered the Bud Light and a Shirley Temple this guy I've never seen this guy
01:16:31
orders a Bud Light and a Shirley Temple same thing same dinner or was that in Montana or something right yeah yeah
01:16:36
it's such a weird guy same time too it wasn't like one after the other it was both lunatic lunatic uh and real quick I
01:16:43
want to say a couple more things before we go um show your bracelet you didn't even mention the bracelet I know I wanted to
01:16:49
bring this up go ahead and say it um so Peter Shore who owns The Comedy Store came to Portland he lives in Portland uh
01:16:55
he saw her show with his wife there and he gave me this bracelet and it used to be Mitzi shorts pretty cool and he gave
01:17:00
us Mitzi scarves we have two of mitzi's old scarves yeah it feels so cool and also I do want to give a shout out this
01:17:07
guy made us these custom shoes amazing yeah those are awesome and he re he takes air he takes shoes and he can
01:17:13
reconfigure them to do and say whatever like the you know the swooshes backwards these are the bad friends colors bad
01:17:18
friends on the tongue and on the inside he also because of my Netflix special cheeseburger he put a little cheeseburger where the Air Jordan is
01:17:24
Bobby and I both have a pair and want to say thank you so much to this guy it's I want to say it right it's shoe generous
01:17:29
shoe generous that's that's who did it nice guy Korean dude Korean dude this guy was the [ __ ] man yeah custom [ __ ]
01:17:36
we want to thank him for that because that was huge and we want to thank all the fans for coming out we appreciate you guys check out Us in Florida we're
01:17:41
coming to Florida yeah we're doing a whole run we're gonna be down in Florida uh we're doing St Petersburg we're doing Holly wood we're doing
01:17:48
um uh wait St Petersburg Jacksonville is that right yep Orlando St Petersburg uh
01:17:54
Jacksonville St Petersburg Hollywood Florida and Orlando then we come back here we do two shows in Riverside and
01:17:59
one in San Diego before we and then head back to the east coast and do Jersey New York Baltimore Philly and Toronto wow
01:18:06
guys we cannot wait to see you guys and so great you know what thank you for being a bad friend
01:18:13
[Music]
