00:00:00
two are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:00:06
[Music] or something we're bad friends
00:00:19
you're in the blue one in the blue one take a seat matching wow dude where do
00:00:24
you even get something wow dude wow
00:00:32
um ladies and gentlemen what is that the machines fancy
00:00:38
allowing myself to have the best day of my life you're having the best day of your life because you you deserve it baby boy well you know what buddy buddy
00:00:44
I'm gonna get emotional don't get emotional don't cry out front he's crying already oh you Prince
00:00:56
well you know what Bert in celebration of your movie Bobby and I wanted to we figured you'd needed a drink I know you
00:01:02
brought Bud Light please tell me you want a drink yes I do yes I do
00:01:08
we figured you needed something to drink yeah because I'm in colonoscopy
00:01:15
there we go some ice a little bit of ice for you there yeah and what do you want what do you want
00:01:21
with it just a little bit of vodka a little bit of vodka oh what is this [Applause]
00:01:28
is it just vodka I don't know yeah yeah
00:01:33
I'm pretty sure now do you want what do you want with it though I've got uh I've got ginger beer
00:01:40
I have uh a little bit of a sorry you want lemon lime soda lemon lime soda would be awesome yeah yeah that's cool
00:01:45
you want ginger beer at all or no no no no no just a little just a little Korean
00:01:51
pizza just a little bit Yeah in Korea that's how we do it I gotta
00:01:56
tell you Bert while this is making for you we had the best time last night it's
00:02:02
genuine I'm genuine when I said this I hugged you tight it's such a great funny movie it's so good for comedy we're so
00:02:09
proud of you we're so happy for the machine baby thank you thank you we're happy for the machine thank you so good
00:02:14
seeing all my friends Bobby where were you I was there you were there where were you it was so good when I was in
00:02:20
the theater I was going I go this not only this is this movie is
00:02:25
a franchise yeah how did you feel about it I felt like moved I was crying what
00:02:30
was it where are your seats yeah with their grandparents yeah that was [ __ ] so good and the after party the
00:02:38
dancing where was the after party at the W Hotel dude of course am I not was I not there you were there I wasn't there
00:02:45
I thought it was Roy Choi I wasn't there
00:02:50
I went asked him I went I couldn't find parking he couldn't that's a lie I swear
00:02:56
to God no my body is the king of this no no but you know what I'll be honest I'll be genuine he texted me and goes I'm on
00:03:03
my way and I said dude do you want me to pick you up and he goes I'm taking a nap it was it was four o'clock I go okay
00:03:08
okay that's what I said okay I love you and then I hung up and then he texted me we sat in the seats and then he goes I'm
00:03:16
here and I said great where and he goes looking for parking I pin dropped him the three parking garages on Gailey on
00:03:23
this guy goes I can't find it I'm going home for real yeah but can I say this
00:03:28
though what and I'm gonna and this is gonna make you feel so good okay please um when I was at the comedy that night
00:03:34
and I felt guilty please he comes in privately yeah and and he looks at me
00:03:41
privately can I be honest with you I go you guys that movie was so [ __ ] good it's good for comedy dude he did it
00:03:49
secretly without people listening so I was like you know what because he never
00:03:54
gives compliments what the [ __ ] are you talking yes I do don't do that I give compliments but you
00:04:02
saved them you don't like throw them out like jelly beans but then then it makes it worth it then they really matter I don't know why jelly beans but I'm
00:04:08
saying is you don't have people give away yeah yeah yeah yeah Ronald Reagan yeah Ronald Reagan did it right so my point is this is that he said it
00:04:14
privately yeah and he goes this is good for comedy this is good for everybody and I went to my I thought to myself wow
00:04:20
it must be really good and this is gonna blow up and you're gonna be at a different level congratulations
00:04:28
thank you buddy I appreciate this cocktail I started drinking the second I woke up
00:04:34
this morning God bless dude you deserve it you deserve it you know what man I had a night last night and I and I and
00:04:41
my wife has a saying uh earn your Mondays right can I can I say say it how
00:04:46
she says it earn your Mondays she's got a raise uh yeah I'm [ __ ]
00:04:53
pretty hammered earn your Monday earn your money earn your Mondays earn your Mondays and Amy Schumer shared her
00:04:59
Monday she earned her Monday that [ __ ] that movie was good I don't care what you say train wreck was a good
00:05:06
movie and she earned her Monday and I went and and and and it's true it's like
00:05:11
you do all the hard work to get through the weekend as Comics we know what that feels like and then on Monday when you get on the airplane you get a little
00:05:18
break right yeah and I love that feeling and I I woke up this morning and it's not Monday we haven't gotten numbers in
00:05:24
who knows I mean when this airs it will be but I was like [ __ ] it I don't give a [ __ ] I earned my Monday you did you
00:05:30
earned it you did I busted my ass I almost lost my arm for it like and Andrew Bobby I wish you could have been there
00:05:36
Andrew your compliment to me yesterday was so heartfelt the [ __ ] beautiful
00:05:41
thing about this goddamn comedy community is I got compliments from dudes I really
00:05:47
respect like you know you know how we are like we really respect yeah and and
00:05:52
uh it it I I had one of the best nights of my entire life I wanted best friends I had maybe the best item entire my
00:05:59
entire life the red carpet was next so much fun dude you dude I threw axes we
00:06:05
did Putt-Putt we did flip so hard to get this in my throat come on baby yeah
00:06:16
what does it means what does it mean salt I think you
00:06:22
put salted Margaritas maybe a ginger beer no a little less a little less asbestos
00:06:28
I'm gonna sit here I'm gonna sit on a Bud Light as I slip on this yeah there's MSG in there because I wanna by the way
00:06:33
this chair is deflating does anyone notice in this I'm gonna be sitting on the floor
00:06:45
[Laughter]
00:06:50
dude you're earning your Monday right I'm earning my [ __ ] money yeah yeah go in the pink one then oh yeah that's
00:06:56
what it is it's not that I'm [ __ ] satisfied damn chairs from Ashley's Furniture
00:07:04
that's from her sister that's Joanne scoot over to the pink one we'll get you on the pink one
00:07:12
this is fun yeah this let it let it happen are you comfortable like that not bad all right good okay it's not bad and
00:07:19
you're can I say something about your wife yes I've never met somebody so like Mindful and generous Aileen is that her
00:07:26
name Eileen Eileen Eileen yeah Eileen it's Liam okay dude it's Eileen Leanne
00:07:33
you're combining Isla and Leanne together
00:07:39
one you know the time you uh the Russian mafia farted on your shin during oral
00:07:44
sex yeah yeah she sends me not over the years buddy she loves knives she loves
00:07:50
you she sent me um gifts she's always calling me she texted me today as we're
00:07:55
driving here and she goes uh if Bobby wants to do any fully loaded dates this opens the offer's still open I want to
00:08:02
do them well then
00:08:27
I'm your
00:08:33
do it slow now go I'm I'm your favorite friendly neighborhood [ __ ] there it is
00:08:39
can we say that or not yeah you can definitely say it all right because I want to say this okay that um here's
00:08:45
what happens oh I know what happens you don't have to tell me no what but no because I have to I feel
00:08:53
like I do yeah go ahead and hear your version there's no version there's the truth and not the truth okay we're not
00:08:59
doing this [ __ ] q and on [ __ ] what you know how things get rumored and like this conspiracies you [ __ ]
00:09:06
Captain Reddit over here yeah what's going on right now okay all right what's so funny
00:09:12
go ahead and do it here's what happens okay okay I want to hear it is it I get a call from my
00:09:18
the Jews is Edinburgh Jewish yeah yeah he might
00:09:25
be just my agents he's happy yeah yeah and they go you got this offer but you know what I mean this and this and they
00:09:30
they somehow talk me out of it yeah I know right and I'm like and I and I I should stick up for myself when you say
00:09:36
they talked you out of it do you mean they they asked you want to do this and you say number one you had that yacht
00:09:42
party I wanted to do the Yachts party it's called a cruise yeah it's a cruise it's sold out in 24 hours I know I
00:09:50
wanted to do it because by the way by the way we were offering you like just so we're if we're I I don't really give
00:09:56
a [ __ ] anymore I don't give a [ __ ] Bobby was my first go-to he was my first go-to for that what'd you do and he and
00:10:03
immediately he said no no listen I'll tell you how someone says no Tim Dillon shout out to Tim Dylan yeah
00:10:09
he said yes we signed it on and then he goes I can't do it but he called me and said hey man I'm not gonna be able to do
00:10:15
it and you're like okay I got it that's nice yeah Bobby says yeah yeah yeah yeah how come I'm not included how come I
00:10:21
want to go to barbecues at your house and then all of a sudden you send me offer and then it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then okay
00:10:29
and then less reliable than Tim Dillon whoa you know I'll tell you Andrew
00:10:34
Schultz I said Andrew I said Andrew Schultz an offer you know
00:10:40
what he said he texted me immediately uh I'm gonna have to uh respectfully decline I'm not available for those I'm
00:10:46
fine with your whatever yeah what does Bobby do he goes I want to do it I want to do it I still do [Laughter]
00:10:54
that's the thing that you don't [ __ ] fully understand my little daughters my daughters want you on it my wife wants
00:10:59
everyone loves you Bobby everybody wanted you on it you're not loving yourself is what this is yeah what it is
00:11:05
is this okay this and that put yourself put your arms inside why don't be so big okay you're trying to threaten don't
00:11:11
threaten all right okay so go through our steps okay I'm now sitting on the ground [Laughter]
00:11:18
clear I'm I'm taking my flip-flops off because I'm going crisscross applesauce in a second I will I'm going to be
00:11:24
genuine when I say this we are going to bill you for that chair that's a brand new chair that's a brand new chair oh I'll give you 13 bucks
00:11:30
we're still sending the bills step up your [ __ ] Bobby go ahead for the yako the yacht is that they're like it's off
00:11:36
Cruise Bobby we're not only [ __ ] yacht let him keep saying yacht because it's never going to leave his brain yeah yeah
00:11:42
fully loaded Cruise the only thing that is happening yeah and you know cruising for dick at night oh yeah I do that
00:11:48
that's fun they're both not good no yeah Tom or that no Tom's great so he's great
00:11:54
and I love him my bad just look at me
00:11:59
it's so sad I think you should switch the chairs nope okay I'm owning it it's so [ __ ]
00:12:06
funny people were like my people were like well you're working did you put a [ __ ] hole in this on purpose to make
00:12:12
it look like [ __ ] you punks no who would dare to do something like that wait what yeah it's hard to understand all right
00:12:18
go ahead yeah they're like you know you just got Sober Do you want to be on a uh yacht Cruise yeah for 30 days or
00:12:26
whatever and I got maybe 30 days it's not 30 and we're not going to South America
00:12:33
it's just to the [ __ ] Islands out of Miami it's three days three days three
00:12:38
days that's all it is you saw 30 [ __ ] days three days
00:12:44
oh man well sounds like you need to make a call to your agent live on the show and say Yes anyway really good movie
00:12:54
because he tells me how could I do another say another thing don't he tells me I didn't do anything I showed up I
00:13:01
was there early I took photos gave me a hug give me a big hug and a kiss and my ear told me for real legit gave me my
00:13:09
flowers and was like dude you killed it this was awesome yeah I had I had I'm in
00:13:15
legit I was so happy with who showed up I would love for you to have been there but like the people that showed up
00:13:21
busting with the boys right some of the boys came and they flew from Nashville they don't even live here yeah and they made it Leanne flew them out and gave
00:13:27
them 24 hours notice sent him a text said yo tickets for you at Nashville Airport they both flew out uh had a
00:13:34
great Christy Matt came out uh Adriana chechik came out Tommy but dude can I
00:13:40
tell you the move of the year so Tom uh doesn't reply hey man are you
00:13:49
gonna make it to the premiere please tell me right here the premiere no reply and then call him and he was like hey
00:13:54
man I can't [ __ ] make it and I go actually I'm actually bothered by it
00:13:59
like I'm bothered you're my best friend we have a podcast together and we have a movie set up over at legendary fat
00:14:07
astronauts you guys need to make it that's okay no one no one replies no one replies Tom hits me up I'll read the Tom
00:14:14
ones your glasses are on that chair I saw him hunting for it you see he did the thing that my dad does where he puts it right here and he touches the ghost
00:14:20
glasses yeah he thinks he said I have a publicist texting me this morning I have a signing for my book which is going
00:14:27
into paperback oh yeah when it does make the move from hard to paper it is yeah that is a very
00:14:34
big deal and he goes I forgot I had this and then he writes back uh just you know
00:14:40
like a couple hours later because you're not responding to this and it's making me feel like this whole thing is getting weird and I go sorry I didn't open it I
00:14:46
did I lied I said sorry I didn't open it no worries that's why I wrote no worries and he
00:14:52
goes I can't get out of it I'm coordinating with my publisher and it's Barnes and Noble so it's kind of a big deal it's coming out in paper deck
00:14:59
aren't they closing down yeah yeah because I'm listening to a Barnes
00:15:06
and Noble he's like plus I have a VHS signing a blockbuster and fries and I think I got a good price electronics and
00:15:12
I think uh straight guys can get AIDS and he's like all the things that we thought back then yeah and so he goes uh
00:15:18
and I said I got you no worries and he goes um hey man congrats on your big day I'm so
00:15:24
sorry I couldn't make it very excited to see you in this movie and in movie theaters have a great weekend I love you
00:15:30
have fun and I just wrote thanks Tommy I wish you could be here I understand I love you and then this
00:15:37
shows up he showed up I know that because you told me they showed up I did they're beautiful and I cried he cried
00:15:43
real hard oh so it was all a ruse yeah that's what they call it the kids call it a ruse yeah it was a little a
00:15:49
deception yep shadowplay yeah and it and it got me good I fell apart hard it was good cried oh so he
00:15:56
was gonna come all along yeah apparently and I and I told him I said I don't know why you did that you could have just said you were coming and then I was just
00:16:02
had a great day also Leanne didn't know either and I told
00:16:07
Rogan uh Tom's cheating on Christina I was like something's going on man like
00:16:13
it was acting so [ __ ] weird yeah because it's just off it's out of character out of Integrity from him yeah
00:16:19
and so I was talking to Rogan the other night and we're like and he's like how's everything going you know you know
00:16:24
Rogan sometimes can get that inside vibe from you yeah I go something's going on with Tommy he goes what's going on I
00:16:30
said I don't know man I can't track it but he's not coming to my Premiere and Rogue he's like whoa he's not coming to
00:16:35
the mirror and I was like dude and then and then you know how like sometimes you sell your buddies under
00:16:42
the bus I was like he was in Europe for 40 days we only had like 10 shows like what's
00:16:49
going on yeah and he's like wait what do you think's going on I go these Chino Christine he's got a wife
00:16:54
and then he's like and I go he's looking good he's in great shape he's wearing Gucci everywhere he's got rolex's
00:17:00
Porsches he smells like I would swoop in on Christina if that happened really yeah because I know that she she's dated
00:17:06
Asians before too oh she yeah so she has that [ __ ] little [ __ ] thing she
00:17:11
likes little yeah she's like the yellow ones I think they were I think they were like no offense but I think they were like they were like gentrified Asians
00:17:31
no they were like corner office Asian yeah yeah but I'm more like Roy Choi like I
00:17:38
have my own like you know yeah he owns a food truck yeah he owns a food for Truck Yeah that's what he's saying you are really trying yeah you are Roy choice no
00:17:44
that's what I'm saying I agree like I have one called coconut cupcakes soy boy you're showing yeah yeah yeah yeah no no
00:17:50
no I agree still cool regular Asian I agree with you okay here's the deal she's not gonna [ __ ] you man it's
00:17:56
definitely not you're fishing she's not gonna [ __ ] you if if Tom cheated on her and she was single no I could think I
00:18:04
could swoop in and do like a [ __ ] little bird absolutely not absolutely no no no no no no no no I would argue what
00:18:10
she's upgraded so much I bet she's not even her sons are bigger
00:18:16
than you that that's another size has nothing to do with it has almost everything what she's he's seven he's bigger than
00:18:23
you and he likes they can't have their new dad be smaller than them right that's not how it works
00:18:29
and they live in Austin you show up in the house and they're like uh don't make the bed but it's okay
00:18:35
well let me ask you something if does Danny DeVito have a shot yeah no not with Christine no no no no no no no no
00:18:41
yes listen he doesn't agree there's a great this is a great pivot what would
00:18:46
Christina [ __ ] after Tom yeah so wait now here here's the deal okay remember she's into fat guys that's who she
00:18:53
married a fat guy and then he lost the weight yeah and it's he's unrelatable now and for my son
00:19:03
and we go to do it live shows and they broke they can't bring back fat Tom
00:19:08
yeah who would be who would be the next pick who's kind of a chunky Bunkie that she'd get into it's diverse oh she would
00:19:14
[ __ ] the [ __ ] she would go out with Star Wars before me he's so hot way before
00:19:19
you you that's so hot okay this is the weight thing then I think that's her
00:19:25
thing yeah yeah should chubby chase her yeah like Leanne right if Leanne married
00:19:30
again do you I don't I don't I don't you might be in her wheelhouse your app your wife yeah oh yeah because
00:19:37
she would be like a bird I swerve him she would love you
00:19:42
little Asian Birds I go inside the nest boink boink leave and you don't like to have sex a lot you like to play video
00:19:49
games I like the [ __ ] no the [ __ ] machine dude well hold on that's not the story I read on Reddit
00:19:54
I still like to [ __ ] I'm a [ __ ] machine no no no you don't think I'm a [ __ ] machine you're not really a [ __ ] machine
00:20:00
you're like a you know you're you're like I'm not electrical I'm like more than what the yeah
00:20:05
okay okay hold on let's define ourselves I would say I I argue that people say
00:20:11
that I work too much right yeah so I'm a work machine Andrew you are kind of a
00:20:17
work machine I'm a little work yes Bobby if you name yourself one type of machine is it [ __ ] machine or is it sleep
00:20:25
machine I'm a sleep machine yeah probably a sleep machine that happens the [ __ ]
00:20:30
you know what machine you want you're the ice cream maker at McDonald's because it's always broken it works
00:20:35
sometimes once in a great day it's delicious delicious I know but it
00:20:42
never [ __ ] works right it never works and you know what everyone comes by and goes how come that thing is still out of
00:20:48
operation yeah it's 51 years old how is it not fixed by now right Lego we don't know we've tried over the years it's
00:20:54
just in sleep mode and we can't wake it up because if we do it shakes and Putters and
00:21:00
yeah so you gotta let it rest okay you have to let it rest this place oh my God
00:21:05
I love this plate so much I have it hanging all over my house look at man this is probably some of my
00:21:10
favorite stuff that we've ever made and collaborated with other uh other artists and stuff to make such cool stuff we
00:21:16
have one right behind us up there in the studio we keep there all the time these are incredible they're heavy they're durable display there's a one-of-a-kind
00:21:22
metal poster designed to capture your unique passions uh display created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy magnet
00:21:27
mounted and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring yeah when
00:21:33
I was a kid I used to have a Duran Duran poster on my wall and it within eight months it was shredded up it looked like
00:21:39
crap sunburn this look at this yeah look at how beautiful this is like a forever poster forever poster baby they're so
00:21:45
well done each product is a high quality design printed on metal in Europe and hand signed by their Master production they sign the back of it they deliver
00:21:51
products worldwide and only four to five business days you order it you're gonna get it in a couple days it's a perfect alternative for standard posters that
00:21:57
often get damaged that you got to get framed you don't have to frame this you put it right up on your wall they're also eco-friendly for every design sold
00:22:04
they are planting one tree amazing we love trees no need to drill and your walls any anymore just wipe your wall
00:22:10
with the cleaning wipe stick a protective Leaf Place a magnet put the display on your wall it's that easy so how do they get it Bob use the link in
00:22:16
the description or go to display.com bad friends and use code bad friends at the checkout to get 20 off for one to two
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00:22:31
Summer's here I want a summer Bob I can't wait to go to the beach with you to see your new Summer Body by the way Bobby and I have been manscaping each
00:22:37
other for years now but now with the performance package 4.0 we can have the new lawnmower that's waterproof so we
00:22:43
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00:22:49
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00:22:54
trimming your chest or the treasure in your pants it's the best trimmer on the market no one likes nose hairs so their
00:23:01
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00:23:08
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00:23:13
is they got the ball deodorant and the crop reviver a ball toner makes my nuts so silky smooth they be like rubbing
00:23:20
Bobby's tushy I love it get 20 off and free shipping with views with the code bad friends at manscape.com that's 20
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00:23:39
was it was beautiful I was listening a little goose and I was [ __ ] I was naked Liam was naked and we were walking
00:23:46
around the I seen the presidential suite of the W hell yeah they gave it to me though you guys [ __ ] today you [ __ ]
00:23:51
this morning this morning God bless I love it [ __ ] nice too really nice yeah it was really nice good makeout
00:23:56
session before we just started making out again like making out like full-blown making out and it's so hot
00:24:03
Out secret time but I'll but I'll share it we [ __ ] in my car the other night
00:24:13
Mercedes okay we came home from The Comedy Store
00:24:19
we went to dinner at Saddle Ranch what at midnight you did
00:24:24
um and Leanne saw she'll never listen to this so I'm gonna share everything yeah
00:24:30
so Leanne saw two people to a guy and a girl walk into the women's bathroom together
00:24:35
and she came out and we got in the car and I was a little buzzed and she was like can you believe they [ __ ] in
00:24:42
there they they going in to [ __ ] isn't that crazy can you can you believe that is this Miss Pat your wife it is yeah
00:24:49
Pat was there last night I know she was shout out to miss Patton and not Bobby and so I said I said you used to be like
00:24:55
that I just randomly said I used to be like that oh boy we pull into our house she pulls under the carport so Island
00:25:01
can't see her out of us out of a room and she grabs my dick and I'm like whoa
00:25:07
and she just starts making out with me like making out like we're making out making out and then takes all of her clothes off
00:25:15
in our [ __ ] under our carport and dude
00:25:21
I got I got I got three times I remember [ __ ] Leanne right three times like when I die
00:25:27
on my deathbed the three times one was on a jet ski and a Cove totally naked when we were very young
00:25:34
was it still rumbling yeah and I was worried about alligators and snakes
00:25:41
what y'all doing down there hey boy hey boy oh my goodness leave it in leave it
00:25:47
in her boy one time was in my truck where I slammed my thumb in the car and I finished anyway right and then this
00:25:54
time was in my Mercedes and it was what are we talking front seat back seat front seat front seat
00:26:00
reclining all the way back by the way my assistant and my social media manager gonna have a hard time driving home with
00:26:05
me in that car yeah now they are now they are I've seen your testicle yeah you've seen me naked yeah a couple times
00:26:11
yeah but I saw it and I got it was a Wonder I was I I still I'm mesmerized by it big
00:26:17
balls have you seen my my shoulders reject we saw last night I benched two I once bench 285 the other day wow
00:26:25
85 for real and how old are you right now 50 there's not a lot of 50 year olds that can do that yeah what do you think
00:26:30
you can bench be genuine be real yeah like the bar is I've never tried it well the bar is 45. you think you get the bar
00:26:36
oh I'm gonna I'm gonna jump in there no I'm gonna jump in and answer this for him yeah yeah my daughter has a hard
00:26:41
time in the bar and I'm betting Bobby will too
00:26:46
it's it's a dude all right
00:26:52
when is this okay I was on a wrestling team dude 30 [ __ ] years ago stop doing that you're living in the past
00:26:58
dude I bet I could throw a football over the mountains no it's over it's over
00:27:06
check this out get in front of us right now and do what and do a push-up
00:27:11
do a couple do a bunch let's see and I weighed 284 .
00:27:17
let's see let's see right yeah
00:27:23
yeah do it facing us let's go all the way down and hold it come on back one one that's actually
00:27:29
impressive right there two keep going three let's get to ten four
00:27:35
five he's speeding up because he's getting nervous six go all the way down seven all the way down eight come on
00:27:44
10 and we're running out of breath the whole podcast will be you look at this go great dizzy he's gonna pass out
00:27:51
he's gonna hit his [ __ ] head you know what yeah you can do the bar you can do the bar you can definitely do
00:27:57
the bar now breathe into the mic let me hear your breathing I haven't done it so long I didn't know
00:28:03
if I had it but I know I still got it you still got it you still got it you know what I mean so that's in your face yeah yeah yeah that's right
00:28:11
so that's in your face yeah and also I can do a lot of things you don't you don't you don't even know name them log
00:28:18
it the log thing oh you can log you can log no no the log we're on the log and we're trying log rolling yeah and we're
00:28:24
on the lake and and somebody whoever I can do that good and I've never done it but I know I can do it well oh yeah I
00:28:30
believe it yeah I've done it it is really hard it's so hard it's so [ __ ]
00:28:35
right Legolas you think you but you can shoot both one but I'm sure I'm pretty sure I could
00:28:42
hit not the center but the actual Circle that all right all right I'm pitching it hey guys do you like the show bad
00:28:48
friends well get ready to subscribe to the new show called better than me and it's Bobby Lee going out to find out if
00:28:56
he's better than other people who has also never done this that's good I like
00:29:01
this I like this we send you out in the world when you're on tour you go out and you you both shoot a bow hunt boat
00:29:07
whatever against another random dude yeah who's who doesn't do it he doesn't do it yeah yeah I like it we bring an
00:29:14
expert in whoa he goes in and he talks you both through it he shows it to you and then you compete I love it can I ask
00:29:21
a question no name it name them all by the way I've done everything you're talking about I've done I that was called My Travel Channel job everything
00:29:27
you've done I've done by the way I'm superior at bow hunting
00:29:32
[Laughter] you're an ax guy you're not better than Rogan yeah can you pull it up real quick
00:29:38
so you do archery regularly yeah so you and then there's people who regularly do
00:29:43
it and you guys have a certain um you know comfort with like the whole like the equipment and how but if you
00:29:51
were to grab if you were to grab all your friends who don't shoot regularly like they don't practice regularly and
00:29:56
you go try to do this I'm 100 certain that of that group he would do the best
00:30:02
of people that don't practice or if you were just like this is how you shoot it because his he has really impressive I'm
00:30:10
telling you both hand-eye coordination like he has really good like anything like shooting a throw in a dart throwing
00:30:17
a ball hitting a baseball all that stuff is what he actually excels in I've seen
00:30:22
him play pool he could look in your eyes I didn't know that yeah if he wasn't such a drunk he'd probably
00:30:27
be an amazing athlete that part
00:30:33
you couldn't [ __ ] edit a little drunk and be a great athlete so many great athletes were drunks or are
00:30:39
drunks so I think you're still on par baby I can't feel my arms why from the push-ups yeah that's funny
00:30:45
I don't feel great yeah you don't feel good yeah I'm sitting on a brick
00:30:50
you want to switch to the comfy chair nope okay I own it can we get him can we
00:30:56
get him some more Bud Light do we have more Bud Light let's talk about let's talk about uh Kent people that are
00:31:01
listening to this to go out to the movie theaters this weekend no honestly people don't need to go people do need to go to the theater and watch it and Bobby
00:31:06
should go himself and you know what I want you to buy a ticket this weekend and go watch it will you do that
00:31:11
say I'll do that what do you mean I already bought it yeah where what theater no he did The Little Mermaid and
00:31:18
now like this close our clouds close down nice try good job Bobby nice job they're open in front of the machine just for the machine yeah all right I'm
00:31:24
gonna close again oh for real yeah that's amazing we're doing a we're doing a theater run tonight where we go to the sold out theaters and we surprise
00:31:31
everyone that's great oh that's [ __ ] amazing but here's what I want to say about it okay like I said he gave me the
00:31:38
compliment right but I've based on the trailer right um I went even when I saw the trailer I
00:31:44
was like this is gonna do something because you don't see comedy movies anymore like Will Ferrell all these guys
00:31:49
they can't put them out anymore I think this is the new wave I think you're gonna revolutionize it for us pave the
00:31:54
way and maybe Brett bad friends will do a movie one day because of your [ __ ] from your mouth to God's ears yeah I say
00:32:00
this I say this all the time I said this when I introduced the movie yesterday just if we know we can provide ticket
00:32:08
sales in theaters and in arenas and in uh comedy clubs we know that we can we
00:32:14
know there are people that like our comedy we can we know that in podcasting that people like our comedy
00:32:20
we need those people to support us in theaters and because movie theaters are dying oh yeah don't let them die because
00:32:27
that is here's where the real money's made is when you make the studios money that's when they [ __ ] double down and
00:32:35
so if this movie does good numbers and makes money I guaran [ __ ] to you
00:32:40
there's a bat you there's a buddy comedy with YouTube I guarantee you next summer in the lineup it's sold because you guys
00:32:47
will roll into Lionsgate or Sony or wherever the [ __ ] it is and be like yo we have and they're gonna look at your numbers on your podcast and go Bert can
00:32:54
do that let's get them let's isolate his fans let's bring their fans in and then you guys will show up obviously everyone
00:33:00
listening will show up to this but it has to start it has to start somewhere and and I and I'm hoping it starts this
00:33:07
weekend that people get out of their house go to the movie theaters and enjoy a movie theater this movie Andrew
00:33:13
correct me if I'm wrong it should be seen on a big screen yeah it's a big screen you can't watch it I mean you could watch it at home but it's I it's
00:33:19
one of those things where it's like you you want to see like like John Wick [ __ ] it's like sure watch at your house I guess but also definitely watch it in
00:33:25
the theater this has so much action dude dude which part did you like the most about the action scenes in one in his
00:33:31
movie oh my God the act the [ __ ] when they came down the mountain the Mountain
00:33:36
scene yeah right the Gandalf wasn't it the Gandolf the gray was in it
00:33:41
do you remember who was hanging on the Rope coming down the mountains Rosario Dawson and then there was a [ __ ]
00:33:48
who's shooting the bow who was it this guy he was who was he shooting he was shooting at [ __ ] the spoiler alert
00:33:54
dude Steven Seagal was down there yeah and then um the little man came back who's
00:34:00
that the little guy from uh from uh mini me yeah no the guy that died
00:34:05
yeah yeah he came back the ghosted from Troy just for this movie yeah he was on your shoulder no you need to see this in
00:34:11
this you gotta watch this it was amazing man and people are gonna go see it I know people are gonna see it get out of the [ __ ] house that's my thing is
00:34:17
like if you if we if we uh let me think okay movie theaters are like hand jobs here
00:34:24
it is if you ignore them then you never get them again but they're really good
00:34:30
let's see if we can think about it yeah right the thing is there are certain
00:34:36
things you just Overlook and then if you overlook them then you never get them and you're like well [ __ ] I kind of missed that a little bit right movie
00:34:43
theaters is that a good one the other day my dog
00:34:49
was chasing the squirrel okay and you were and and I was watching him chase the squirrel and then it's like his
00:34:54
favorite thing to do and did the squirrel give their dog a [ __ ] no no and then he and then he caught the squirrel okay and it was not what he
00:35:01
thought it would be and I said my dog chasing squirrels like anal sex it sounds like a good time yeah but then
00:35:09
when it actually happens it's way more a lot of blood everywhere died and then Mac looks at me like I
00:35:16
thought he would play more oh yeah and I was like oh buddy you killed it yeah you ripped it you ripped it wide open so
00:35:22
movie theaters are like movie theaters are like 69ing you know look what yeah
00:35:28
it's gonna smell like [ __ ] a little bit a little bit yeah yeah yeah but there's a lot of cleanup that you're not gonna
00:35:33
do but you're both winning yeah you know what I mean they get paid we have a good time yeah go around the horn Bobby movie
00:35:39
theaters are like but let me ask you about 69. Bobby movie theaters are like it's like um a bowl of white rice oh of
00:35:46
course right if you don't eat it right um someone else will
00:35:54
yes movie theaters 69 real quick yeah yeah
00:35:59
when you're on the bottom definitely you're listening when you're on the bottom right yeah do you grab their
00:36:04
cheeks like this or do you just no hands when you're on the bottom he's not on the top you think I'm gonna Crusher
00:36:10
Jesus Christ
00:36:16
267 pounds you can't of course you grab the butt oh you do
00:36:22
what do you do your hands are just out wide I always question so I kind of almost like try to do it but I'm like no
00:36:27
I know you have to give up you know you have to rub the butt in fact you can put a digit in you spread it yeah okay rip
00:36:33
it off movie theaters are like having sex with black people okay okay here we go yeah when they're there it's a little
00:36:38
louder
00:36:44
what a movie theaters like Bobby yeah come on movie theaters
00:36:50
I don't I'm not good with like these analogies yeah Bobby just stopped doing that and say the thing start it and it
00:36:56
moves forward that information and you yes and that's right right you started I'll finish it
00:37:02
okay movie theater movie theaters are like a katana sword Jesus Christ Bobby
00:37:10
if you don't use it the samurai will die perfect nailed it is that right movie
00:37:16
theaters are like dingleberries right if movies are like dingleberries right if you don't remove it right it's
00:37:23
gonna smell no no no okay movie theaters are like grandparents
00:37:29
you forget how much you love them until they're not there Wow Let's do a vampire one movie theaters are like vampires
00:37:35
right if you don't watch it at night you're not gonna get bit by the yeah okay okay yeah right yeah
00:37:43
yeah I like it I like vampires movie theaters are like virgins right if
00:37:48
you don't have sex with them they'll never have sex right that's me if you go to the movie
00:37:54
theater and you don't go then it never happened and they'll die so yeah the Virgin will die right their [ __ ] will
00:38:01
die movie theaters are like movie theaters are like girlfriends from high school okay you
00:38:09
forget how much fun they are until you're inside them again there it is right that's a good one that's the best
00:38:15
one I understand that you do one now let me give you giraffes Go movie
00:38:21
theaters are like giraffes yeah here we go they're terrified of Life they're a
00:38:27
great place to be with lightning strikes yeah yes yes you want to be an extra giraffe during a
00:38:33
lightning storm because they get hit first well they'll get smoked yeah really yeah I grew up in Florida in
00:38:40
Florida we have a lot of lightning we were not allowed to have giraffes in our zoos really yeah wow no [ __ ] way no
00:38:49
there's no way yeah dude all right man I grew up with
00:38:56
two giraffes I bought two online you can buy if you buy one you get one free now
00:39:01
from Africa man saves on shipping costs go to draft.com but bad friends listeners now listening
00:39:08
right please if you support Bert you're basically supporting our movie that's what we're trying to say listen that's
00:39:15
true the way Hollywood works is you you only get the things you like if you
00:39:21
make people money that's how it works yeah and as creatives our sense of humor has not been
00:39:26
appreciated totally like I think the industry has kind of shot away from our sense of humor which what we which makes
00:39:32
you laugh right now what's made the horrible jokes we've all just made on this podcast yeah that that is uh not
00:39:39
it's not what's happening in Hollywood Hollywood is a more awoke agenda which I'm not being this political guy I'm
00:39:45
just telling you that's where it is they'd rather make a movie with uh everyone else and and not us and not us
00:39:53
maybe me and you Andrew the only one who probably seems to get cast a lot these days as an indigenous guy anyway you
00:40:01
can't even make that joke in Hollywood you can't make that joke in Hollywood we laugh at it right yeah so if you support
00:40:07
comedies go see Sebastian's it's out this week go see sebastians see mine
00:40:12
just support comedy in movie theaters and then all of a sudden Hollywood all
00:40:17
they care about is [ __ ] money yeah that's all they care that's all they care about it's the truth I'm in business with a lot of them right now
00:40:23
but if they if you make the money then they go how do I make more money and
00:40:29
I'll tell you the first thing they do and we all have seen this a million times we start with touring companies we
00:40:35
start with promoters they pill for the podcasters yeah and and which is a good thing if you're a fan is the first thing
00:40:42
they do is they grab you two buddy comedy what do you guys want to do and it's sold tomorrow and you guys get to
00:40:48
make whatever the [ __ ] you make Bob Tom and I are signed up for fat astronauts
00:40:54
is he gonna get fat again that's gotta he's got to get fat I love it I love it more than anything you know
00:41:01
without The Strokes hitting it back in the New York scene right there would be no Yeah Yeahs Interpol right yeah and
00:41:07
these bands because look at look at look at grunge Grunge music hit Nirvana hits and then they sign everyone everyone
00:41:14
yeah without Nirvana no sound garden yeah yeah no Pearl Jam no Pearl Jam right and and that that's the way the
00:41:21
industry works yeah so if you support this we have another a couple weeks three weeks in movie theaters I don't
00:41:27
know how long we're in movie theaters yeah but I know we're if you're listed this on Monday I know you were there this weekend whether Tuesday Wednesday
00:41:33
Thursday Friday go see this movie in movie theaters and then let us [ __ ] own movie theaters our sense of humor
00:41:39
the [ __ ] you like let us own it let us own it dude I went heart you saw the
00:41:45
movie oh my God I went hard there were there were times secret time
00:41:50
awkward secret time there was a time Mark Hamill was not cool with the scene and he was like they didn't want to do
00:41:56
it it's not funny I don't like it I don't want to be a part of it it's the yeah oh yeah and and I went it's funny
00:42:02
and he was like it's the scene that everybody talked about it's the one it's the one it's aggressive it's very
00:42:09
there's a couple really aggressive ones and I went I said just trust me just trust trust me
00:42:15
on this and it's hard man these Studios these actors they're they're sensitive
00:42:20
people they're real people and they're like I don't want to be associated with the way our brains [ __ ] think right
00:42:25
because it's not our brains think [ __ ] sideways yeah yeah and uh and it
00:42:30
it's the best it's so [ __ ] it's the best now when you cast Mark uh Hamill will you because I'd be so nervous I'm
00:42:37
such a huge fan of his I'm I'm a Star Wars guy you know were you intimidated at all were you oh hardcore yeah yeah
00:42:43
yes Luke because you're trying to act cool like you because you want to be you know no my biggest concern was uh
00:42:49
because we took a private jet to Serbia together yeah and my biggest concern was uh him watching me drink
00:42:55
so I put baby bottles of Jacks in my pockets so that I could so I can sneak
00:43:02
them it's not a problem so I was like I don't want him to see me drink like a [ __ ] lunatic yeah what a
00:43:08
17-hour flight to Serbia and I go anywhere in a really tight capsule it's like he's watching me and so I put baby
00:43:15
bottles of Jacks in my pocket uh I took Edibles does he have a little is he a little Drinker he's he's been he's sober
00:43:21
sober's a judge yeah I think yeah he's Pizza
00:43:27
right now because I'm a single guy Andrew yeah you are and I um you know when you when I pleasure myself with my
00:43:33
hands sometimes it's not good enough let me see your hand yeah it doesn't look good it doesn't look good at all but I got some stuff from Adam and Eve and
00:43:39
I've been using it at home right and it's been so good well we talked about it on the last episode that I said my
00:43:44
favorite thing is my ding dong ring I love it so much it's silicone and it rubs and Adam and Eve sent me a whole
00:43:50
bunch of them to say thank you and I want to say thank you because I want better sex you know what and your partner wants it too why not have fun
00:43:56
and there's a ton of toys available uh and the best way to get started is go to adamandeve.com they're offering 50 off
00:44:02
just about any item on there plus free shipping which includes Rush processing that's right Adam and Eve I want you to
00:44:08
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door nobody knows what you got not your nosy neighbors it's none of their business what kind of fun toys you want to buy like Andrew says that's 50 of off
00:44:21
of one item free shipping and Rush processing just go to adamandeve.com and select any one item it could be an
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adventurous new toy or anything you desire just use the offer code bad friends at checkout that's bad friends
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b-a-d-f-r-i-e-n-d-s at adamandeve.com this is an exclusive offer specifically to this podcast so so be sure to use the
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just go to adamandeve.com select any one item it could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire Bobby what do you
00:44:53
eat like what's your average day of food look like it's bad do you want this I brought this yeah yeah it's really bad
00:44:59
[ __ ] Twinkies are banana do you want Twinkies I don't know if you want one but I brought them for you here we go [ __ ] Twinkie more than I want a dick
00:45:05
in my ass I'll eat like I'll go dude Twinkies I have a place in my heart when I saw it
00:45:12
I thought of you I thought I'm gonna give him a little gift I brought you a bucket of vodka and I thought I want to give them a little twinkie so let me I want to share something I want to share
00:45:19
something when I was in first grade I had a separation of anxiety
00:45:24
I couldn't be away from my parents and I had to look at life oh man we might be
00:45:31
fighting my trauma right now I had to look at life as secret victories secret treats right can
00:45:38
I get through can I get through uh the first two periods and then get to to
00:45:44
snack and then I get a Twinkie can I get to lunch and then I get a Twinkie and then if I get through lunch
00:45:50
I get through the rest of the day I swear to God we're figuring out my trauma this is it you got a little snack
00:45:56
if you if you made it through a certain amount of time yeah that's how much you got stacked and then I had a Twinkie and then I could sit back and just have a
00:46:02
Twinkie and then my and my parents always pack Twinkies my dad always put Twinkies in My Lunchbox and then I was
00:46:08
like cool man I get to like a little bit of reprise from this whole [ __ ] chaos of missing your parents and not knowing
00:46:15
anybody I got a moment where I could like be myself and like open up my lunchbox and have a Twinkie take a bite
00:46:21
and let me see how you feel and at home again I'm gonna get deeper right now okay and if I felt strong
00:46:28
if I got through the day I saved much we could give it to my dad when he picked me up I'd go like I go hey I need my
00:46:36
twinkie like like I got through it and my dad would be like oh thanks buddy and then we'd share my twinkie in the
00:46:42
car ride home uh I don't normally treat myself to treat like treats like this I'm trying
00:46:48
to be a little healthier but I'm really looking forward to this banana with vanilla cream in it this one's for your
00:46:55
dad we had a moment last night your dad was there my Dad cried dude it was beautiful
00:47:02
he came up to me and said that movie is fantastic my dad was sobbing crying
00:47:07
and he goes Buddy I underestimate what you do it's a great moment and this is the swing he's from my dad
00:47:14
nothing like shoving something Falcon in your mouth and say this one's for my dad Isn't it nice my mom had a moment when
00:47:20
she went on stage that was incredible so my mom you know was in Phoenix Bert oh
00:47:26
my God let him sit in it this one's for Papa is so good it always delivers it's the
00:47:33
best it's the best the fact that they teased us they were going to take it away remember that when they're like might go away and they were like just
00:47:38
[ __ ] with you we're gonna keep you Mexican pizzas yeah they were [ __ ] with us they were just [ __ ] good that
00:47:44
is awesome that delivers every time every time Twinkies don't it's like a pop chart oh they deliver
00:47:52
a Dorito they deliver every time very suddenly hey man shout out to these corporations that make foods that give
00:48:00
us cancer because they deliver every time every time every time very seldomly you jump into a bag of lays or a bag of
00:48:07
Combos and go oh these are off no right yeah they're always on they're on they're always on
00:48:13
and you know what's good about these Foods you're never going to have a bonding moment over broccoli it's never gonna help you need a little bit of
00:48:20
cancer to go Dad this is for you and me and those chemicals in it that make you that's bad that makes it bad I'm eating
00:48:26
the other one man thank you it tastes much but damn it so you know
00:48:32
the cancer is I've never been I don't know when this was made or shelved or
00:48:37
put in a [ __ ] bag yeah and it's so goddamn moist the Lord came inside this
00:48:43
thing and it's so [ __ ] good it's so funny but Jesus cheers inside of there baby
00:48:49
beer doesn't do what these guys do beer beer and you're like what this tastes
00:48:55
off wine it can be corked oh yeah I have bad wine all the time but a Twinkie
00:49:01
does not missed it's never miserable
00:49:06
it's like unprotected sex it's always good yeah Twinkie Twinkies like what what I mean
00:49:15
sex it's always good Twinkies are like what oh Twinkies are like shooting heroin movie theaters movie theaters I
00:49:23
mean Twinkies are like movie theaters they were gonna go away yeah I'm not good at these man
00:49:28
yeah yeah you forgot how good they were like I've never saw the riddle I don't know what riddles mean I don't know how
00:49:33
to do that I don't know how to do puns just try anything yeah I don't even know so what tell me again a Twinkie is like
00:49:41
freshly cushion guy yeah what yeah Twinkies on the game that grew up in America they're yellow
00:49:47
on the outside white on the inside there it is there it is that's perfect with a Dinger
00:49:54
[ __ ] big bird comes in with a Dinger what's a digger is that good yeah
00:49:59
yeah yeah you know Bobby yeah oh [ __ ] I think a lot of people sleep on exactly how funny
00:50:06
you [ __ ] are I I think they go like guys like me and you yeah we got written off as these guys that are just crazy on
00:50:12
podcasts we say wow [ __ ] whatever whatever it is you're [ __ ] funny dude so funny I forgot how sometimes people
00:50:19
forget how [ __ ] funny you are you're like a turkey sandwich for God
00:50:25
until right now Twinkies yeah yeah all I do is show up I do the best I can I go
00:50:31
home that's not true what do you mean you're kind of phone in it a lot
00:50:37
more than not more than not [ __ ] finally Jesus Christ two you brought him
00:50:43
two there needs to be way more than two give give one to Andrew hi Mateo's here oh shut the [ __ ] up
00:51:00
come sit here and have a couple should I go sit over there
00:51:05
AJ's movie just [ __ ] my movie Just premiered Mateo what what and have it look at how jacked he is by the way and
00:51:11
this is jacked you're just as jacked as him I'm not as ripped as him but I'm just as Jack
00:51:17
you're always at the gym and you're always like I don't understand like you're like like lifting trucks can I
00:51:24
show you I don't know where my phone is uh Paris I just she was a DJ the other night at the party was that DJ hot as [ __ ] hardcore I [ __ ] me hardcore I
00:51:31
[ __ ] me and I put that on the [ __ ] record she got a baby right now right did she accept a baby Paris
00:51:37
did have a baby so you [ __ ] questioning my social [ __ ] knowledge
00:51:42
I know what's going on yeah she looked pretty good I don't think and she hardcore I [ __ ] me just
00:51:49
so we're clear like what are we talking how long was it like this like let's do it right now look okay ready I'm gonna
00:51:54
walk out with my Posse right right you're me ready
00:52:00
that looks more confused shirtless I want shirtless might have
00:52:05
been confused yeah this is an eye [ __ ] this is I [ __ ] I'm Paris and you're you ready you're staring at Paris
00:52:12
and I walk in oh that's fine
00:52:17
I got hey what's that fat guy doing on this yeah
00:52:22
I'm in a club wait open them up open them up oh my God so you're you're Paris you're
00:52:30
Paris I'm at a club all right and I do this one Everybody Dance Now dance
00:52:42
that's good Bobby attention
00:52:47
are you lying that's good you thought it was good no I [ __ ] me I [ __ ] me I thought you 'd like him
00:52:54
I [ __ ] you you [ __ ] me [ __ ] you yeah I [ __ ] you you would [ __ ] me you want me
00:52:59
to [ __ ] you no do it do I [ __ ] I [ __ ] I [ __ ] all right ready who's on first
00:53:04
look at me in my eyes and I'm Gonna Catch eyes with Bobby okay okay
00:53:13
[Laughter]
00:53:29
so look he's he's obsessed with you you're a famous celebrity he's staring at you you walk in and you see him and
00:53:34
then you I [ __ ] him okay
00:53:50
shooting a little bit my God no no it's hard not to look at him I
00:53:58
don't know how to like no no I'm dancing I'm dancing okay everybody dance now
00:54:05
what do you see that's how you do it you're disgusted
00:54:12
what do you say well that was honest no I think that was that was me acting yeah wait so that's how you do it no I don't
00:54:19
know I haven't been out to a club in forever for real usually it's just like on Instagram all right for real yeah
00:54:24
dudes on Instagram yeah that must be fun as [ __ ] [ __ ] I saw something on the Internet have you
00:54:31
heard of foreign accent syndrome uh where the lady got the stroke and talked like an Asian yeah yeah I love it
00:54:38
is that real I had it one time hello my what oh [ __ ] no no it's not real
00:54:45
yeah it's a thing I guess are they faking it is it is it real it might be I
00:54:51
just think it's like a way for someone to be racist really 24 hours a day two white ladies
00:54:56
like what white people are always like what else can we do to just be right it's extremely rare it is a real medical
00:55:01
condition well yeah there's seven billion people on Earth I'm sure at least one person well then that's the one that lady's the one you know she's
00:55:08
an idiot yeah but it's never like a European sound like an American it's always some
00:55:14
weird either it's always Asian hold on there's Americans that sound like
00:55:20
British people I know that yeah that one makes a lot more sense but the white woman that sounds like an Asian woman
00:55:26
what is that you know maybe that's [ __ ] history baby the centers [ __ ]
00:55:31
civilization maybe is Asia and that's she regrets back to the beginning oh my
00:55:36
God and then he shows us he's a genius see that do you see that it's the cradle of civilization
00:55:42
you have a stroke and you turn back to Mesopotamia yeah but that's what our movie's about yes oh my God
00:55:49
have you guys ever heard the theory that like a lot of people think that like native people in America were
00:55:56
descendants from Asia and they cross the bearings so wait then that's way of need but they think that it it could have happened the other way around that the
00:56:03
beginning of civilization probably happened in America with Native and they came across and then they got all xinjiangi no I think it's easy
00:56:10
everything everyone everything started in Africa oh you okay but also my so
00:56:15
you're offending his people you're offending my people but actually that's what's interesting is like so my mom just did her 23andMe my mom is Italian
00:56:21
and Mexican yeah so if you're Mexican like indigenous to Mexico it says my
00:56:26
mom's two percent Korean because it goes all the way back so it says East Asian
00:56:32
part Korean and then it says Native Americans I don't know whether that's like Aztec mine I don't know what that
00:56:37
means you know Spanish Portuguese we all have something about us well not everyone not Andrew and I are perfect
00:56:43
yeah we're exactly what do you mean you don't think that's why we're just white you do 23andMe yeah yeah
00:56:53
I don't know I did the allergy test mine said that I don't like cilantro and
00:57:00
I don't it tastes like soap wait is that you don't like wait that's it everyone says you didn't like it I know
00:57:07
what I don't like I don't need it through a vagina no but um
00:57:17
this app really knows me yeah oh [ __ ] [ __ ] the cilantro tastes like soap too
00:57:23
so you can eat guacamole with cilantro if I I could taste this like I'm eating pine salt I hate I I hate cilantro
00:57:29
yeah let's run through the list run through the list garlic I can't have enough of it love I love garlic love
00:57:35
garlic but by the way a lot of Italians it's a misconception they do not cook with that much garlic it's really not
00:57:41
that common in dishes in Italy I uh I put so much garlic and stuff you know
00:57:47
when they sell the bag of garlic in the and and yes all the nine different pods I put it all in that's the way to do it
00:57:54
yeah I like it in the morning I love garlic okay uh uh do you eat carbs yeah
00:58:00
of course I just had pasta for lunch for real yeah yeah but it's just two oh it's a little me and Chelsea Handler with the
00:58:05
little dumbs Chelsea you hung out with Chelsea yeah I did her podcast unbelievable I love her all right she's
00:58:13
the best there's a couple like bad [ __ ] in this in this business we were like we're like you watch them get Flack
00:58:20
but you'd love them and you respect them Sarah and Chelsea yeah yeah Sarah and Chelsea for me are like just bad [ __ ]
00:58:27
where you're like you understand like it's weird because there are bad [ __ ] in this in this business that maybe I'm
00:58:34
pretty drunk I should stop talking no you're not saying anything wrong Chuck it there's uh there's a couple ones that you go
00:58:39
you watch them get flacking like I [ __ ] them right there's a couple but not them isn't that weird yeah well
00:58:46
like I like I like when Chelsea I think she's authentic I don't get the sense that she's putting anything on so you
00:58:53
have to respect someone for being authentic who they are yeah but she's always been that she hasn't changed that
00:58:58
much Chelsea she's always treated me the same like [ __ ] but anyway
00:59:04
I've always been kind of like you know I mean very direct with me you know and I respect that you know and you're saying
00:59:09
Sarah Silverman too dude it's amazing Sarah so nice she's the [ __ ] herself a guy
00:59:16
[ __ ] I'm a ride or die for her I I like she's been cool and she didn't have to
00:59:22
be cool she was always nice and I don't know Chelsea I would have texted which actually Chelsea or whatever but and and
00:59:28
she's always very sweet I think that was mostly through Joe yeah yeah but um uh
00:59:34
but Sarah is the [ __ ] like she is funny as [ __ ] [ __ ] talked about
00:59:40
him Jesus's magic is one of the best specials out there so good and she's I'm
00:59:46
this is and I don't like doing this because it it uh kind of pulls away from how great they are as comics
00:59:52
gorgeous gorgeous beautiful parties fun like those those are the things that you
00:59:58
go that shouldn't be part of the conversation but man she's gorgeous number one number one okay government had that when she used to have that
01:00:04
those parties at her old that old condo on the rooftop did you ever go to one of those she used to have a party she would
01:00:10
have a party she had a couple parties on a rooftop condo and they were huge play class windows and I showed up I don't I
01:00:17
was late I was doing a spot at the store and I don't I know her but not like that well but like we're cool and I showed up
01:00:23
late and I was texting to see who was there so I wasn't uncomfortably walking around a party when you're like who am I going to run it you know who's here and
01:00:29
someone runs up to me another comic and he goes he goes dude where have you been I was like I mean I was doing a spot I
01:00:35
thought like the party just kicked off he's like dude somebody already fell in the pool and a dude ran through a plate guys window it's [ __ ] awesome and I
01:00:42
was like really and he's like dude they're always like this something's always going on at her [ __ ] rooftop party sounds like an 80s movie it was
01:00:48
fun as [ __ ] dude it was [ __ ] great she rented out the whole room Can't Buy Me Love the whole room I'll tell you I'll tell you who I'm like if we're
01:00:55
gonna get deep in the Weeds on this we're already in the weeds we're deep down [ __ ] Janine Garofalo I've waited
01:01:00
that's so funny you said I've been on a Janine Garofalo kick this past week bro for WTF and everything I I [ __ ] love
01:01:07
you I love her that is so when I started comedy when I won when I watched Chris
01:01:12
rocks bring the pain that one of the best specials of all time and I was like I want to get a comedy right but I oh
01:01:18
that's all I'd really seen I wasn't like a comedy nerd I didn't like I watched Comedy Central but it all kind of sucked in my opinion at the time this is the
01:01:25
90s so Keith Robinson if you're watching yeah he's a a great artist and so lucky I
01:01:34
love Keith is actually who I'm dating I should be honest and so uh I go I'm getting ready I've already bought my
01:01:39
ticket to move to New York I'm moving to New York I reached out to a dude named David Wayne uh he's a director I had met
01:01:46
him in Greece yeah and uh he gave me his phone number in Greece and I reach out to my mover to New York
01:01:53
and I sit down and I watch HBO and it's Janine Garofalo doing her HBO and she
01:01:58
got her notebook out and she's doing like weird non-sequiturs of like of like uh uh the the one joke I remember that
01:02:05
just kind of changed the way I thought about comedy in that moment was the other day I was in my pickup truck outside my apartment making up making
01:02:12
out with my boyfriend and I thought I'm [ __ ] 30. what the [ __ ] am I doing and
01:02:17
it just to me I was like oh so they don't need to be set up punch it can be an idea or a thought and I sat there and
01:02:23
I was like oh that's badass and I [ __ ] I like I like chunking Janine a
01:02:29
little more you know yeah like she's beautiful now she's really skinny she looks great
01:02:34
secret time yeah so uh coolest moment I have in this business
01:02:40
I do like a CSO special or something congratulations thank you
01:02:45
I was really hoping it would blow my career off I think Cesar was also hoping that it
01:02:51
would blow anyone's career up yeah it's mejin and Garofalo John door love John
01:02:56
Dory John Dorr that's all I remember and a lot of other people Janine goes on and does
01:03:03
25 minutes of stream of conscious all brand new material nothing that she's ever written
01:03:09
and it is [ __ ] gold she's talking about FDR like [ __ ] [ __ ] where you're
01:03:15
like huh like you're in the back watching someone think watching someone think looking at your notes like well No
01:03:22
One's Gonna want to hear my selling Sunset bit after we're talking about it
01:03:29
but we are by the way oh of course I go on after her I bomb I bomb my bomb
01:03:35
really bad I get off the ciso room has like a room where it's all C so executives
01:03:40
I was crazy to say out loud now she's so exactly she's so executives I go back to the where the make hair
01:03:47
makeup was and it's Janine and she's sitting the crisscross applesauce in the corner and I go hey what are you doing I don't
01:03:53
know her at all she goes I bombed like just she's just a comic she's not Jimmy and Garofalo the
01:03:59
movie star she's not getting Garofalo the [ __ ] personality the [ __ ] she was I bombed I said we all bombed
01:04:05
she goes I'm embarrassed I said huh this is before any success I've ever had
01:04:11
in this business and I go I'm embarrassed and she goes yeah I'm embarrassed I made a fool of myself
01:04:17
and I went Eugenie Garofalo yeah she was like I yeah I know I don't want to go into the
01:04:23
Green Room I go Janine as a comic I watched what you did you're a genius you're brilliant
01:04:29
everything you do is amazing I'm telling you walk into that room and it makes that green room into a special place
01:04:35
yeah please walk in with me like it would be an honor and she was like was it bad and
01:04:41
I went you didn't see my set we walked into that see so [ __ ] green
01:04:48
room and the room lit up she didn't grow up holy [ __ ] do she's she's the [ __ ] I'm pretty drunk I should
01:04:55
leave no you're good baby you're good I can say well let me say this let's tie this bow up tie this bow up I'm gonna
01:05:00
say this have you ever seen my movie no no I haven't he wasn't there oh yeah yeah
01:05:07
like it's Star Wars It's been out since 1970. it's so interesting but my movie premiered on the same night Star Wars
01:05:13
did 45 years ago that's right and my dad in the movie is played by George Lucas
01:05:19
[Laughter] for all of our friends at home all of our bad friends if you really want to be
01:05:24
a bad friend please do us a favor go see the machine now it would mean a lot to us and to the community
01:05:34
I love everyone in this room it's so good to be a part of a community where we're all friends and we support each
01:05:39
other and and we just want to see each other blow up so thank you go buy a ticket go buy a ticket and Bert uh say
01:05:46
thank you for being a bad friend into that camera thank you for being a bad friend
01:05:53
[Music]
01:05:59
[Laughter]
01:06:05
[Music]
