00:00:00
you two are bad these two idiots bad friends the game show is gonna be great bro what are you worried about it's
00:00:16
gonna be [ __ ] awesome I read the reviews already it's so they're so good yes I did yeah there's a bunch of
00:00:22
reviews there's no reviews due to variety said it's the hottest new game show this side
00:00:30
of the Mississippi yeah they did that cuz I've been googling it do it what have you what is it what has it been
00:00:35
saying nothing I mean deadlines put a [ __ ] um a photo up and it cropped me and Ian Karmel off the sides yeah so it's just Keegan Sereno Venus Williams
00:00:49
and Rob Gronkowski yeah well what are you gonna do you know Ricky no I just I feel like I should have something Justin just in case if I'm in the mood I'm not gonna have one unless I feel it take a
00:01:02
shot no I'm not gonna not unless I feel it you know I'm new I'm it's got a tight spot but sober go ahead tempt me no no
00:01:09
it's gotta be what you're doing no what do you mean five months sober now tell me you don't like drinking that much I
00:01:14
love imma drink or two do you not want me to do this in front of you and I love it I love living through you
00:01:20
this is a level of control that I know you have come on man you can do this yeah the bad friends drinking game here's how you play every time Bobby Lee
00:01:33
says Vegas is that the thing is is that because the thing is that that the thing is is that the thing is is that the
00:01:39
thing is is that good thing is is that your thing is is that have a drink must be legal drinking age to play but
00:01:46
whatever dude we're not the [ __ ] cops okay so I have a hole my tooth let me see you want to see it yeah I want to see your whole tooth all right I
00:01:59
can't do that well just see it from there where how far is it which one is it it's
00:02:05
way back here there's a black hole oh yeah black hole tooth in my mouth yeah and it's like you know one of those were you're like it's fine it's fine yeah
00:02:18
it's fine it's fine it's fine and at 3:00 in the morning you hear you wake up vibrating it vibrates all of us in in it spikes spike spike and that you wake up
00:02:31
you go [ __ ] and they oh it's gone you're gonna make it you can make an appointment though now my dentist said
00:02:37
he's back next week I said I'm coming in just to say hi no no I might I like I like the pain a little bit so I'm gonna wait a little bit yeah you're sick yeah you're sick [ __ ] you like paint
00:02:48
white masturbate when I so when it gets me hard it hurts the worst yeah I love it but so the hole in my tooth and then um
00:03:00
there's a lot of [ __ ] and then the Chinese lady got her face kicked in what Chinese lady got her face kicked in do you ever see that video did it just come out can i play you a video that I posted
00:03:11
on the internet buds we talked about the Chinese lady what's her name ching chong
00:03:16
fat fat I don't know man I love ching chong fat pan yeah but ching chong fat fat these is two african
00:03:22
african american gentlemen oh you can say what you were gonna say what are we gonna say black eyes okay there it is
00:03:28
and they kick this Chinese lady in the face is that on the news can you see it not it was on the Internet let me play this for you let me tell you this way this is this is this is this is
00:03:39
a throwback I post it again because timing wise it's pretty great who's this lady though you know what
00:03:45
maybe I could look at this look at this Asian Larry yeah first of all this is what this video came out a long time ago but I saw it again I might I was oh yeah
00:04:17
I want to show the course again please don't turn [Music] I tried everything and you guys you know
00:04:34
what I might do it this asian lady how is she standing there through this there's four minutes of this alright first of all if I was that age okay all
00:04:55
right if I was that Asian lady the rudest [ __ ] I've ever heard of my life yeah yeah I was going through my folders am I on my phone but she doesn't realize
00:05:13
how difficult it's so rude how difficult it is to be a ninja yeah the levels are insane she could
00:05:19
never be ninja yeah because there's different levels number one you have to be able to climb a tree she can't climb a tree there's no way there's no chance
00:05:26
right number what to you have to have this enough breath stamina to [ __ ] do the blowgun yeah it's you gotta have that she doesn't have any doesn't have
00:05:37
that she has to be able to throw a star hard enough to puncture skin yeah yeah she can't do that she's gotta be sneaky
00:05:42
as [ __ ] she's not sneaky and I imagine her being a ninja what's that white lady in the tree that's a ninja and then Josh
00:05:54
yeah yeah ma'am please get down yeah she [Music] sunscreen Mitch always which I could you know I won't give up I
00:06:12
gotta try my best you can [Music] you know what this reminds me you know who this is by the way this is a girl that sells Murphy beds in Orange County
00:06:28
that's what she did this as a promo to sell Murphy beds you know Murphy beds are the beds that go in the wall the
00:06:33
cabinet what the cabinet beds you know they pop out of the cabinets have you ever seen that yeah that's what she
00:06:41
sounds she's like a she opened a Murphy bed company that's like years ago yeah but this is she put this out for promo
00:06:46
let's see the course one more time it's one of my favorite courses she almost a ninja take chow down to Chinatown this
00:07:24
is the most racist [ __ ] I've ever heard of my life and it makes me laugh so hard this poor asian lady you know what does
00:07:31
enjoy their being a Navy SEAL right yeah it's the hardest and imagining a Chinese
00:07:36
dude yeah or a woman yeah I want to be Navy SEAL I don't think it's that offensive a Navy SEAL yeah well if it was a Chinese lady just a cultural thing
00:07:52
right right so the idea is what the accent is what's offensive it's very offensive yeah it's really good you know I'll be honest with you I had a girlfriend once her name was Sarah and she lived in Louisville
00:08:03
I know she is do you I know her if you come back yeah she was right or she yes she still does it and I stayed she want
00:08:11
to be ninja no she I stayed at her parents house and she goes so um we're having a special dinner for you this
00:08:17
actually happened this is so good already I already know what it is but no you do know not every special dinner for
00:08:23
you but so you have to sit in the I guess white people in the Midwest or in the South they have basement
00:08:30
yeah we love basements yeah I've never been in a basement before well there's a purpose for it we have those we have
00:08:35
those in Midwest for tornadoes and [ __ ] we need to go down there also extra square footage is really good so I'm in
00:08:41
real estate mint mm-hmm and I was there for about 45 minutes she comes down and Sarah's wearing kimono and she goes and
00:08:52
it's about mind you there's 20 people there yeah her grandparents on both sides yeah uncles aunts right so I go
00:09:00
what what why are you wearing kimono you'll see so we go upstairs the whole place right has she put bamboo on the walls okay there's um like swords on the
00:09:17
wall too like samurai swords I like it the grandmother everyone they were that mascara right Chinese eyes mascara i
00:09:24
walking dining room.the all shut up I swear to God they bow to you oh yeah yeah what was that they said what kind of cha cha cha yeah yeah right and then she
00:09:38
goes take your shirt off I go why you have to wear this shirt it's an extra small Pokemon shirt so I
00:09:46
put this extra snow Pokemon shirt on it's like you know me super tight super - I can pee I can barely breathe yeah
00:09:53
and I'm sitting there and then everyone's wearing chopsticks but we're eating like um what why people eat um
00:09:59
like roast turkey we usually eat Oh what do you mean oh no no Chinese food at all
00:10:04
no I didn't even make didn't even try to me but we haven't used I remember saying chopsticks to pick up stuffing which is
00:10:12
very difficult to do by the way do you think her mom told would you think that was a bit she's funny right she was young he's very funny
00:10:18
happy yeah having a good time and I'm kind of laughing - but deep down outside of this is the price you pay to get white [ __ ] if you want to listen oh
00:10:30
yeah if you're an Asian dude and you want white [ __ ] sometimes you have to take
00:10:36
take one for the team one for the team yeah you got to take another one for the team they were very funny funny family - one time we were hosts back
00:10:41
writing yeah it wasn't in Kentucky and we're in the woods and her dad just goes see that tree right there yeah I go yeah
00:10:49
that's where we hang [ __ ] were there any Chinese guys up there no oh is it joke I know you're right you're
00:10:56
writing love and you laugh he literally goes that's where we hang Chinese please
00:11:02
yeah and everyone laughs they laugh oh yeah it's a joke yeah sure yeah yeah yeah hang in Chinese I've had like a lot
00:11:09
of those situations but that's the price you pay it's the price you pay for white
00:11:14
[ __ ] yes damn my [ __ ] good huh no no because you get to the point because then you realize all [ __ ] the same yeah hit it all right like if you eat white [ __ ] like if I close my eyes you
00:11:27
know I guess the [ __ ] looks the colorization is different but if I close my eyes and I looked black [ __ ] white
00:11:34
[ __ ] and asian [ __ ] I don't think I'd be like mmm that one tastes like wasabi
00:11:40
or whatever yeah there's a difference there's a difference wait so if I accept we blindfolded you mm-hmm all right so we we bought we did a contest right and
00:11:51
we have an Indian [ __ ] in front of you so from in someone from someone from India yeah and you licked it what would you taste yellow curry yeah black [ __ ]
00:12:06
oh wow that's weird that's like it's like look at that much seven eight you like yeah redheads love black [ __ ] tastes like cornerstore potato chips yeah yeah okay I guess yes you're right
00:12:31
yeah it's all the same I can't believe we're actually talking about this in front of Rudy by the way yeah Rudy yes it's terrible she's above she's over 18
00:12:39
I know but I don't want to she shouldn't be in the room we should kick her out for that stuff Rudy did you like that I want to be
00:12:45
ninja lady yeah you did she like that sort of the [ __ ] Mike Rudy that's gonna be a shirt by the way get closer
00:12:51
to the [ __ ] mind you don't lose so uh Rudy you don't find that to be a it's offensive but it's funny yeah yeah
00:12:59
that's exactly ask you something if you were at that party would you stay like if you were that poor woman that there's
00:13:05
an Asian there's one Asian woman they focus on right over her shoulder what if you that was you right if that's Rudy if
00:13:10
we're looking at this video game again please we're looking at this video we play together now we're looking at this video right Rudy right now that's Rudy
00:13:19
obviously looking look at the woman next to the Asian lady yeah yeah right here right yeah she's smiling right yeah they're all kind of they're all kind of smiling Asian ladies definitely not you
00:13:29
know what she's thinking right there look at the whole song by the way every frame she's just holding her composure yeah yeah I can't believe she didn't
00:13:41
hurt her yeah I think she kill her she's in every [ __ ] shot and look at this old ninja yeah Wow I know who the beef
00:13:57
look at the big dude in the back you're totally a ninja man I'm an so much CNX I don't know we're a yeah these are all real people in Orange County
00:14:14
this is very this is very Orange County is look at this [ __ ] morons outfit I know these people loved it they all want to be ninja yeah damn damn dude you know
00:14:30
what it is by the way well you know what it is it's just that's just like a tongue that's just people that have only
00:14:38
that kind of white people have only been around only white people so this isn't a big deal to them I'm telling you I'll
00:14:45
tell you why grew up in Orange County they never left I'll tell you why that's true you know cuz you grew up around San Diego because in any other area in the
00:14:53
country yeah obviously you don't just you don't you tell somebody yeah you always you call somebody go hey hey Sally mm-hmm I'm
00:15:05
doing that ninja song right yeah only in Orange County yeah any other society it's like no don't do that song don't do that we're gonna do that song cuz Sally Chang's
00:15:18
gonna be there and she goes yeah she gets it yeah she's cool she gets it yeah so like if I like you know how you and I've talked about how when we make
00:15:30
you know a joke like we want to do a tweed yeah about a black person we always call four or five other dudes
00:15:38
comics we always make sure we call other people too for information MXC like I have Mexican things I want to say yeah
00:15:44
there's Johnny Sanchez there's certain guys that I like called ages is the right to call you guys frijoles or whatever it might be you know I mean you
00:15:56
know it's cool man yeah but it's only cool because you know them so this woman doesn't really know any Asian people or have any Asian friends yeah this is just her this this is a joke between her and
00:16:06
her friends and it's the funniest thing they've ever said yeah she's like I'm gonna be sold or not probably not right
00:16:13
this was years ago it was just I found it in my videos on my phone when I was deleting stuff transferring from my to
00:16:18
my phone from my computer and I was like what is this video and I clicked on it and I remember I was like oh my god that
00:16:23
this was before people got cancelled it's like five years ago yeah god it's so funny makes me laugh so [ __ ] hard it is so unaware and you're on the road
00:16:30
because you for me I have to travel to certain places in the country you you've been there as well yeah we're gonna do the same thing your experience in Nashville is probably different than my experience oh yeah for some I don't sell
00:16:44
tickets there you don't sell tickets at all in Nashville Wow the last time I was there I did I did
00:16:50
the half rooms no way yeah meze knees yeah really yeah I remember leaving going oh they'll never gonna have me back [ __ ] I love that Club I know you do but that's your different experience
00:17:01
right you know for me it's like afterwards it's like you have white dudes coming to me sorry yeah and then
00:17:14
you go and then you have to laugh sounds just like you Rudy don't laugh Rudy don't [ __ ] laugh so here's what I here's what I would say I know that's got to be annoying we talked about it in the past yeah what I
00:17:28
think you should do is you should address it on stage you should make out you should say that you should go if any
00:17:33
of you [ __ ] idiots come up to me and do a bad Asian accent afterwards I'm gonna spit in your mouth I'm gonna spit
00:17:38
right in your face right I think you should talk I think you should make jokes about it about how annoying it is
00:17:44
when people do it then it'll wake people up a little bit to it oh you don't think so
00:17:49
like twos are your two teeth hurts yeah spike spike oh there we go would you have any cavities cavities cavities yeah I have a mouth filled with
00:18:03
them how many eye cavities at seven or nine I don't know tell me have you ever had a root canal - yeah not only divert root canal I had
00:18:11
a cap I had a I had to redo it yeah uh one another dentists had to take it out redo it it was so [ __ ] bad
00:18:17
kalila hasn't that my girlfriend has never had a cow's it's so annoying it'd be good because she brushes no that's
00:18:23
not why I brush and I don't even like sweets that much it's it's genetics it's genetics dude I'm telling you it has I
00:18:29
talked to a dentist one time I said why do I keep getting cavities when I was in my teens I was like why and he goes dude it's just genetics he said your mom has
00:18:35
a lot of cavities weak Gina's teeth genetic weak teeth genetics each week we teeth we keep genetic fine week T genetics yeah yeah yeah we could WT geez teeth genetics that's what I'm a it's a
00:18:47
weakness no it is by the end of our life we all our teeth are all gonna come out
00:18:52
anyway right everyone has shitty at the end of it all everyone has shitty teeth yeah because when I was cuz I have no teeth I have
00:18:59
only me no I'm not even kidding me eight to 19th in my mouth okay you've seen it
00:19:04
yeah it's insane it's insane I mean I'm gonna start losing more like my teeth are so [ __ ] up right so then
00:19:09
when I said well can you do the thing where they drill the UM you know I mean they drill the screw and you're the bone
00:19:15
down here and yeah screw in because you're weak gums they're that bad yeah your gums are weak bro so you can't even get even if you want it well I think I I think maybe they've strengthened over
00:19:27
time what's it called veneers you can't get veneers can you yeah we're trying to get them but all of you on all across
00:19:34
because sometimes they look so no I like no I like it I like it when they look like that really like the mask we're like yeah yeah I
00:19:41
love that what you want yeah remember like when Pablo Francisco had like crack teeth yeah and then sometimes they look
00:19:49
so bad look look at how stupid that looks sometimes they look yeah yeah like jo koy has that it just looks like this looks way more fun what the one-up of yeah this one above at least saying this
00:20:02
she looks like she parties yes yeah you can this girl this girl you can't take to bed yes girl you could take out to the shed yeah you can't shed tooth yes
00:20:13
girl you gotta have another house you gotta have but the one above right if you wanna if you wanted a punk beat her up a little bit the teeth go real quick
00:20:20
this one it's some work on the bottom well cuz these are solid huh yes Mac around a little bit before yeah I mean
00:20:27
anyone notices you know Rudy do you have a nice seat smile let me see your teeth yeah you have nice teeth - twelve years
00:20:33
old of course he has either like bait they just grew in what does that mean most young kids have bad teeth unless they got braces did you have braces no
00:20:40
that's what you talking about oh did you have braces yeah you did yeah we had money okay we have money girl I
00:20:47
mean I had braces but at this point they're all jagged now you're white though they're nice and I chant out chips in them now yeah oh I just got an
00:20:53
email from a company saying they're gonna send us teeth whitener should we use them of course you do you want to do that I'm not afraid of that they think
00:21:00
about what teeth whiteners is because I sometimes I'll go and get white strips I can't use those right when you put them
00:21:07
on they hurt so but they they're so sensitive and afterwards I get and I'm real weird about that my teeth things
00:21:13
because I've had so much trouble with my teeth what else are you weak on your body shipstation as folks adapt to this
00:21:21
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00:21:28
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you're selling online we get a lot of orders it can be tough Bob and I are gonna start sailing some bad friends merch and right now we use ship station
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00:21:48
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your business is ready to meet the demands of delivery culture you guys click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in that
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00:24:01
friends there you go why called you you call me the other day about migraines yeah that's pretty weak you
00:24:07
want blonder ah aiya I went blind you want you just go blind in your ayah I go blind in one eye
00:24:13
ah that's a weakness I have ocular migraine right so you have weak teeth yo weak I know it's not my
00:24:19
eye it's my brain weak brain but yeah yeah you've got um is there like sibling [ __ ] in your past like through your history a couple years ago Oh in the POE in the past pic is your mom and your dad
00:24:32
are they brothers and sisters or some of their cousins yeah they're cousins are they really yeah yeah Bob my parent my [ __ ]
00:24:38
parents are cousins yeah it wouldn't surprise me man because I'll tell you right now it surprised me if your family
00:24:43
was cousins to you guys all look the same at least we look different you guys are carbon copies you Mother's no way
00:24:50
there's no way Koreans aren't from incest you all look the same identical that's so [ __ ] right I don't look
00:24:59
anything like my mom you look exactly like your mother you know why huh because your listen what I going up when
00:25:06
people said that Asians people look alike no no not Asians Koreans Japanese I take a look different I see a lot of
00:25:13
different Japanese guys Koreans same really same so if you when I go down Wilshire I just go same guy same guy same guy same guy same guy yeah the whole time so you're saying to me right
00:25:25
now then right now if I if John Cho was sitting here you wouldn't think that I go hey Bob good to see you and we'd
00:25:31
start the podcast now to finish it with him Margaret Cho same thing I go ahead pop what's up Bob you're dumb what's up
00:25:36
Bob no all the same you were Reds are the same you look just like Margaret Cho you look exactly like Jo you don't think
00:25:44
you look like Margaret Cho dude I'll tell you right now I tell me right now to stop right now because you just put
00:25:49
me into such a rage shut up Margaret Cho let's see what she looks like I guarantee you that's you that's not you that is you Rudy's lambic that looks
00:26:03
just like the lake behind Rudy Rudy is a friend of ours I know you were the one that brought it up you guys look alike no we don't yeah you do Gillis you're acting [ __ ] look at that spa right
00:26:15
there are you ready to let's switch get married off the [ __ ] screen let's switch topics Rudy loves it no Rudy stop laughing Rudy Rudy laughs laughs laughs yeah it's Mother's Day by the way did
00:26:27
you lose your mommy happy birthday happy Mother's Day what are they right yeah yesterday yesterday was Mother's Day oh that's
00:26:33
right that's right it was Mother's Day so we put together a little video some of the fans sent in Mother's Day pictures we really appreciate it we want
00:26:40
to say thank you for that was your that was your yeah go ahead yeah you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] don't talk [ __ ] about my mom the hovel is what I like to call her yeah so this is a lot of the fans sent
00:26:50
in pictures of their mom and we put together a little something for Mother's Day let's enjoy it
00:26:55
is it our pitch pictures of our moms or it'sit's our fans MA our fans oh that's great
00:27:01
don't make fun of them by the way oh yeah you know it go hey girl I want to take your mama out for date night make her feel all right give a conversation
00:27:25
till the day light cuz she is so damn tight I pick your mama up in a Ford Flex that I borrowed from my last ex leave your purse mama cuz I got checks tonight
00:27:40
gonna be about mental sex we hit up TGI Fridays take the scenic route forget the highways there's no such thing has my
00:27:53
way it's about you mama you my baby when dinner's done take your ass straight home walk you to the front door so you're not alone kiss your hand and say
00:28:05
thanks for the love you shown get back in my car and then I'm gon show you respect like the Queen you must be you never stutter always speaking directly
00:28:16
you ever need me mama you just text me until then you stay so damn sexy happy Mother's Day mom happy Mother's Day mom Wow you would have been better is if we done
00:28:30
that video but you yep sticked it that lip sync well cuz at first when we were playing the video I thought Andrew singing this live wow what a talent I
00:28:41
don't remember the lyrics I wrote him want to try it let's try one real quick by the way by the way I do want to say
00:28:47
this seriously some of the fans sent it a lot of fans send in pictures a mom beautiful mother and some of the fans mother's passed away and and it's a lot
00:28:55
some of these photos are of moms that are not with us anymore which I just want to say we appreciate you know Bob
00:29:00
knows about loss of a parent so it's cool that people included their moms that were gone it was a big deal I
00:29:06
thought it was very nice though there was very nice that's why the song is not disrespectful it's very respectful to the video okay yeah happy Mother's Day
00:29:21
mama beautiful women across the world showed a you know it go ahead [Music] I wanna take your mama out for date night make her feel alright give a
00:29:40
conversation until the daylight cuz she is so damn tight I picked your runner up
00:29:48
in the Ford Flex that I borrowed from my last ex leave your purse mama cuz I got
00:29:55
a chance tonight gonna be about mental sex we hit up TGI Fridays take the scenic route forget the highway did you
00:30:14
like it oh you clap for me rude oh thank you you feel better no no why not you don't
00:30:24
feel any better no you feel better I feel um because I don't know I honestly I think my mood
00:30:29
stems from I don't know what's what what's really what what what I don't know you know the country is like um
00:30:35
opening up you know you're scared no it's not just that it's like but we're kind of mad we in LA no we are
00:30:43
kind of kind of stuffs kind of starting to get on with it you know we don't know if it's too soon I don't know who to
00:30:49
believe right now you know you got you guys you guys got like guys like Eddie Bravo and Tripoli you know they're like
00:30:55
this is you know government control right there was a documentary called planned emic did you see it yeah yeah
00:31:01
about Falchi mm-hmm yeah and then you have they got debunked somebody said that woman was uncredible yeah he really is but yeah but who knows who knows I don't know anything you
00:31:14
don't know why I'm not a scientist but but the thing is is that um but we do know that corona virus is still out
00:31:21
there prevalent it's not as if like cases are going down right we thought that you
00:31:28
know we're locked down because chicas you know it's like you're one of those friends you're one of those friends
00:31:42
where you constantly ask why dude it's my it's my it's my weekend I want to have a couple of drinks I haven't drank all week this is hard for you really no
00:32:03
it's just that I was to Todd described I was trying I'm not trying to be disrespectful have a drink and I said
00:32:09
that but I was like you don't ever care when I have a drink and I was making a point and you're I will you drink is
00:32:16
like so dramatic I just had a little just it was a little distracting I apologize yeah it's just like I eat them
00:32:21
in the hole I apologize I apologize yeah yeah okay are you gonna drive home what
00:32:27
you're driving home cuz your cars out there yeah okay no that's it I'm not gonna have any more I wanted one little shot yeah so I anyway my back to my point yeah yeah it
00:32:41
is that I just I don't know you know when like you know tomorrow like I was invited to stay David Spade
00:32:53
individuation yeah and I'm like I don't want to go you know I mean so when is it okay to go why
00:33:00
do you think it's not okay to go cuz I still have this thing is like I don't know where especially Theo von
00:33:06
where have you been mm-hmm the country where have you been hey man Abimelech yeah you know spade I can you know Spade you know he never leaves that house do oh
00:33:17
you don't trust you don't trust the oh I think he's deals taking care of himself just fine yeah of course what do you mean CEO is
00:33:22
just a diligent as anybody do you think all the comics that have been taking care of themselves no I would say the
00:33:29
majority of them aren't given uh I think a lot of people don't give a [ __ ] like who doesn't give a [ __ ] I took to Andrew
00:33:34
Schultz on my podcast the other day he literally says he doesn't care at all he's not wearing a mask oh yeah he's a young man so what's the difference who
00:33:42
out here I think doesn't give a [ __ ] um daliyah D'Elia pretends like he cares yeah but he doesn't at all I so he was out he was out at coffee bean drinking he brought his own coffee - coffee bean the other day we drinkin out
00:33:54
front yeah I see a lot of photos of him at cop he loves hanging out love these cops coffee get over it
00:34:00
yeah it's been around for a long time it's not that big [ __ ] Ziggler water no I think I think a lot of some people
00:34:06
don't get care I don't know look we're gonna get back to it golf courses and parks are gonna be open this weekend
00:34:11
well you know but um I mean at some point I don't know I look well here's my thing if you've been if we let you go to
00:34:24
a liquor store or to get cigarettes or whatever and you just have to go one by one right six feet apart just like you
00:34:31
do at any corner store mmm why can't we do that for all the businesses and just do that across the board all the
00:34:36
mom-and-pop shops should have been open the whole time in my opinion they should just be regulated you should say you
00:34:41
can't have more than this many people for this many square feet how big is your store it's 400 square feet great
00:34:47
you can only have five people in there at once everyone has to wait in line outside but the problem with that is
00:34:52
that you in certain ching-chong countries like Korea Yeah right you can trust its citizens to follow the
00:34:58
rules mm-hmm but we have as Americans a different kind of freedom and liberty and bravado yeah and you're gonna have those guys like [ __ ] it that was gonna
00:35:10
happen anyway that already was happening that's my point so it didn't that doesn't matter yeah so if that was gonna
00:35:15
happen then why not you and I saw what they do in Shanghai Disney they're gonna open up Shanghai Disney and everyone
00:35:22
gets temperature checked when you go in and then you have to have proof that you weren't around an infectious country or
00:35:29
region you have to have travel proof if you go to Shanghai Disney so that's oh they're gonna do to open up yeah
00:35:36
Disneyland in Asia is sounds crazy to me thirty million dollars a day they were losing 30 million dollars detail but
00:35:45
that you've none of those Ching chongs have eaten Mickey Mouse yet because he's protected he's protected Donald a duck
00:35:52
is not though oh don't know the duck I gotta eat a [ __ ] you got eaten first yes I think
00:35:57
look I I think um I'm I'm gonna obey the rules until they say that they think it's the most safe
00:36:03
that's all you can Det sit for you want to go over to spades and spades house and hang out with him and do that I
00:36:09
think when people do that that's up to the person that's on you hmm then you got a then you got a judge tip
00:36:14
I'm not ready yet no yeah that's what I'm not ready that's it if you're not ready don't do it mm-hmm you're ready to
00:36:20
come here with me you hear things like um it's gonna get worse in the fall yeah when it's mixed in with the flu
00:36:26
yeah number October November it's gonna get worse maybe yeah and then when that happens here's my thing here's what I need let me say it all right go let me say this yeah this is that comedy fodder
00:36:37
by them this is not comedy at all most 99% of the stuff we do is a joke on here okay yeah it does we can be serious
00:36:43
sometimes but for the most part I don't mean any of it you don't look like Margaret Cho okay you don't I take that
00:36:48
back thank you but you look a little bit yeah you look a little bit like Ken Jeong but you don't look like Margaret that [ __ ] Hey okay okay I'll say this do I
00:37:03
think it's real yeah it's scary it's [ __ ] up but there then there's a piece of me that goes well what can I do I can
00:37:09
only protect myself so much I have to still live there's 40 million residents in the state of California for 0:40
00:37:15
million right we've had about 2,200 deaths that's an extremely low number of people
00:37:21
that died it's a big state yeah 40 million people dude 2,200 deaths yeah I'm not saying it's [ __ ] I'm just saying that's really low and at some point what do you want me to do hmm
00:37:33
what can I do so I'm not saying I don't want to live in fear I'm not storming [ __ ] Manhattan Beach Town Hall but I am going I'm gonna do things as safely
00:37:45
as I can it's a difficult thing you're saying it's difficult it's like you know we've been coming here the whole time together I got 2,200 people is a low
00:37:52
number obviously in comparison to 40 million I don't discount there but I know but my
00:37:58
purse in my personal life you know and I don't want my mother to get sick right that's the problem that's the problem no
00:38:04
no that's what I'm saying I'm just saying the number is low enough where I feel a little bit less scared
00:38:10
than I used to I go okay we're gonna manage it I'm gonna do my best I'm gonna be safe stay safe do the right
00:38:16
but like cooping up in my house forever I can't that's I can't do that I mean I yeah I just got to be safe we can't go
00:38:23
around a lot of big crowds of people and dude we got to offer the other day you and I to do what to do it to do a tour
00:38:30
together again they want to they want to do dates again we were gonna do dates we got cancelled well they never even got
00:38:35
put up where do you want it where do you want to do them no no they are there's a bunch of offers well I don't want to talk about because I don't want people to get hope that it's good we're not
00:38:41
gonna be able to go just to rub it in yeah so we but we are gonna do date no we are gonna do dates together they did offer us and Rudy Rudy's really some hand you're gonna come right yeah dude
00:38:55
can we take off that take off your left sandal real fast your left one and show it to that camera that's your camera
00:39:01
show to the camera yeah okay show the camera your sandal you show it show it look at that thing I know if for some money Bob hears that's not what it is
00:39:11
her [ __ ] Filipino monkey feet her Filipino monkey feet only they can only wear those oh right those are specific for the enemy they're made for her feet the ones
00:39:23
that truly haven't evolved that still have monkey features right right so those are made out of bamboo and eucalyptus is that true really clip this bamboo way what did she say I can't even
00:39:36
understand her because she's speaking a different [ __ ] monkey Ling what did you say Moo Leo made it Julio who who's
00:39:43
Julio oh the dog chewed it yeah well whose fault is that did you leave it out for him to chew okay yeah that's your fault it's your fault if it's a chew level it's gonna get
00:39:54
chewed how but that's how I feel around my house if something is low it's a chew level that's not the dog's fault right
00:40:00
you're in that to his territory yeah what's that show that you're watching get closer to the [ __ ] Mike you know
00:40:06
remote people normal people have you heard about is it good it's like here's what that why they like it kalila and Jules like it because you can see like you know you can see the
00:40:19
pimples on their face and you can see their dicks and balls you can see their dicks and balls what is it what is this on its what are you watching it's doing
00:40:26
you to come over there it's it's agree and it's like you know very visceral it's like you pimples pimples on their penises is that what you said I on the
00:40:37
penis face what a minute why do they show their penises what show he's a cheap they don't have makeup artists
00:40:43
wait why do they why do you see they're huge I don't like that you see their peanut their genitals why is that sex stuff
00:40:48
do you see vagina yeah yuck the lips let u k-- only like looking at penises online and on movies and stuff yeah apparently it's like it's a show on Hulu it's called normal Pete what's it about
00:41:05
it's based on a book I already tell us what it's about tell you what it is the gist of it is I think is it's about
00:41:12
Irish young Irish love who I'm in know right and it's a I don't know much about it but I think it's a girl who's not that popular right just back me up is it
00:41:23
based in Ireland yeah Irish love Oh young Irish love and then Oh Kathleen the popular guy in town Ryan
00:41:30
likes Ryan o'houlihan yeah what's his name no no that yeah well the character's name Connor Oh Kanye in love with what's the
00:41:42
girl's name Mary Anne and they were so the the popular guy Connor Colonel he he makes love to Mary Anne
00:41:53
oh yeah oh good god I hope they know what doesn't hear that I know what happens they have to cuz I can't I can't
00:42:01
see because she's ugly because she's a for from what I've know what I'm she's pretty care so why does he keep it a secret because she's not popular you
00:42:18
don't want to [ __ ] a loser yeah cuz she doesn't use [ __ ] anything for her acne on her [ __ ] face idiot wait so
00:42:24
it so it's a high school it's a high school show in college this is too much time jump for me [ __ ] me [ __ ] Jorge [ __ ] up Rudy be [ __ ] hard or what yeah yeah
00:42:37
yeah gross that's gross I don't like stuff like that spot speaking of shows that I'm annoyed
00:42:42
with right now I'm pissed off at 90 day fiancé cuz you did it on on Tiger belly with with fat with mayo head ed don't
00:42:48
call him that he's a new friend of mine Mayo head ed yeah I can't call him a o head ed you know it's a Mayo head I
00:42:54
understand that he's Mayo head up but could I tell you what his name are not your [ __ ] friend did I tell you what pisses me off forgot it he didn't even
00:43:02
know he was doing Tiger belly he comes on because he I guess he was doing some sort of press junket yeah right so he's
00:43:08
doing just a serious so then when he saw me he knew right the he's the one he caught he said that I would who set it up with the press person with the
00:43:19
network with TLC TLC oh so he didn't even know no so you could hear the first the publicist going and this is Margaret MC um so it is I don't know he is but
00:43:30
he'll be on a second you know I don't like taking a break so that when he sees me he doesn't read he remembers that he
00:43:36
told kalila good friend he's too close too good for me so that he was just like almost in shock like oh my god did you I
00:43:45
didn't like it yeah and usually listen to it yeah I didn't like it yeah I watched it I thought it was here's why I didn't like it why it was too hard I
00:43:53
don't buy this guy by the way I don't buy him I think this is all a big game for him I don't think he's he was never in love with Rose I think it's I think it's a bit I think it's all exactly what it was yeah he's an actor it's a bit
00:44:04
yeah and by the way I don't like it I like when it's not a bit I like when those guys on reality shows the guy that
00:44:11
went to Serbia like night like seven years of dating that girl or wherever she was I love that guy that guy's my favorite guy lives in Vegas David Hayes
00:44:17
like she'll be there this answer the door he's like no one you ever leave here looking like this I loved it so
00:44:23
[ __ ] much yeah I just think I don't I don't like when I find out that these guys look if you're gonna be an actor on
00:44:29
a reality show as long as it's kind of publicized that way like the hills or what was the
00:44:38
Jersey Shore Jersey Shore like they all kind of wanted to be in entertainment so I'm fine with it so but so did Big Ed
00:44:45
Big Ed I think again was already I know but he always I think wanted to get famous that's why I don't like it that's
00:44:52
why I think it's [ __ ] so he lies yeah and he goes this route I don't like it right cheap it's cheap cheap cheap
00:44:59
changes is what drove me crazy as I looked at cameo on Instagram yeah we looked at you looked up his cameos yeah
00:45:05
yeah I did Elvis mm-hmm do you see that yeah yeah and you can tell that he but I
00:45:11
didn't tell him this when we interviewed on but I wanted to say is listen to me ad yeah it's up there it's only halfway
00:45:23
it's only 15 that's it and it's just milk it going how much money do you get on cammy offer has um do you know how much they work no let's find out how
00:45:35
much bighead is on cameo it just upset me because I thought it was it wasn't as good as it could have been the whole thing I was like this is not it just I
00:45:43
just I wanted him to be real I wanted him to be in love with that Roche check you know yeah but you know he I have to
00:45:49
you have to admit though he was entertaining on the show only because she didn't like him at all yeah now that
00:45:57
we know his intentions it makes him unlikable here's rose right here let's see what Rose charges Rose
00:46:03
charges $54 things in personalized and picked Americans and I take care and I have a wonderful day love you or so I love on you you know I like her a lot
00:46:27
that's let's hire rosemary let's buy it right I'll buy her for more than that I like her let's buy a and just have her
00:46:35
send a video to us so here's what she's doing right now yeah so Brian Jonathan Justine and Ernie miss
00:46:43
mom Jennifer hi miss me Rose how are you she needs some new words like Bobby Andrew you guys are getting married
00:46:59
because I like her yeah where's uh where's Mayo head ed what does that [ __ ] goon charge I'm
00:47:05
just being mean to him for some reason cuz I thought it was a good there yeah I thinks he's hot he's got someone's wrong $100 $100 you make my day let me make
00:47:15
yours okay let me send out a shout out to anybody you want I'm having a lot of fun with this it's been a crazy ride it's gonna get a lot crazier it's about to be over but again much love much
00:47:27
appreciation and let's have some fun yeah yeah so hey I don't hate the guy I just think the way that I I just didn't like the interaction on tiger belly at all yeah and I think the fan said that
00:47:38
would say the same it wasn't as good as I want it was no there was no it wasn't your fault I'll tell you why because the TLC publicist there was like I want to push this but I can't you could have cuz
00:47:51
what's the worst that's gonna happen there did they pull it yeah you still have it on your side yeah but there was
00:47:57
a weird thing where I wanted him to like me why I don't know why he doesn't like you he doesn't like no he doesn't he
00:48:04
does he'll I can tell he doesn't respect me you don't respect him I don't but that's the balance yeah he doesn't respect you because you don't respect him at all right he knows that so he
00:48:15
goes into there that's why he and by the way that's why he talked [ __ ] yeah that's that's why he talks how do we now
00:48:21
how do we do the rose thing we're gonna but you want to buy her right now yes pie right now okay let's do it so Rose Marie Vega yeah okay okay now
00:48:29
for $54 can we give a okay - to who - Bobby and Andrew do Bobby and Andrew and just say from Rudy yeah from Rudy what's the occasion the kids wedding right
00:48:42
wedding wedding yeah okay and what why was is so silly like congratulations should I spell it wrong on purpose yeah Hakan grad to ulation x'
00:49:01
to Andrew - Andrew and Bobby Bobby you guys finally gonna it's okay yeah that gay marriage isn't legal in where are we
00:49:15
where's gay marriage illegal in what state yeah that's a Bosnia in Bosnia yeah it's okay that gamers in legal
00:49:23
Bosnia yeah because you because your love is more powerful than the law or barbed wire fence then then they gotta say something difficult then yeah yeah
00:49:38
yeah your love is more powerful than bureaucratic I can't spell bureaucratic it's okay I don't know how about there's bureaucratic systems yeah and yeah
00:49:55
unfathomable that's not very Devore unfathomable yeah high stringent stringent fallible stringent stringent Trenton Heights Heights you both will
00:50:13
prevail gloriously and yeah one day your adoption yeah of a Lithuanian baby will
00:50:30
come true yeah I love this thing during quarantine this has saved my life you know I do the morning meltdown yeah you did the morning meltdown Bobby's trying
00:50:44
to get Jack using Beachbody on demand you can do online workouts look everyone is at home no one's gonna go to a gym
00:50:50
for a long time and these people are the ones that started p90x insanity and 21 day fix that's right so you could trout a host of their new workouts Bobby did morning meltdown 100 yeah it's gonna do
00:51:01
the ATD obsess gonna try it but that's a lot of days for me yeah they got a lot of great on the outside best trainers they get but they
00:51:08
have super trainers like Tony Horton Jojo Sriman Jericho McMath use and autumn Calabrese autumn Calabrese s very from Italy best programs dude hundreds
00:51:19
of effective workouts all fitness levels whether you're a noob noob or your jacked like Bobby who's in the gym
00:51:24
literally eight days a week you you can find what you need on here you can work out with your schedule workouts shortest ten minutes which is a
00:51:31
little too long for Bob but even still you don't need any extra equipment you can do it all from 12 minutes a steal in
00:51:38
Fitness ok listeners a bad friends can try this absolutely free or free you can get jacked in your house ok Bobby tried it he did good you did ok with the morning meltdown he did fine you did
00:51:50
fine we really want you to try to service out to see what you can do is if anybody gets in great shape send us in
00:51:55
the photos we'd love to see what you look like right now you can get a special free trial membership when you text bad friends to 30 30 30 that's 3 30
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00:52:09
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00:52:16
here you can you say it can you read that yeah rough the thing yeah can you read that there you can really
00:52:21
you can do it just look on the TV right there if you [ __ ] up ok so say that cuz it's all what its gonna sound like from it okay play up the accent will yeah
00:52:32
well you can't wear your [ __ ] get involved here Congrats to Andrew and Bobby said gay marriage isn't legal in
00:52:40
Bosnia cuz your love is more powerful than bureaucratic system stringent Heights you will prevail glorious gloriously and one day adoption of this
00:53:00
Iranian baby will come true yeah why do we need to pay rose that was really goes better than public we're gonna book this
00:53:07
I'm gonna I can't put in my email and all that stuff now this is what we're gonna book and then next week we'll play the video from Rose so I can't wait I
00:53:12
think that's gonna be so fun yeah look that I I think I think the interview wasn't anybody's fault
00:53:18
I just think I was disappointed I was disappointed I wanted to be able to honestly I wanted to yeah yeah I mean I
00:53:27
you know in retrospect I regret I don't think that I prepared properly I think I was too nervous or I think that um
00:53:33
publicist threw me off and I I apologize to the fans that I should have I should have drilled them more and I yeah
00:53:39
there's nothing you can do when a publicist get involved it gets a little like - um - professional I mean there's
00:53:45
[ __ ] going on like this next Monday we're doing you know the David Spade movie yeah so the publicist for that
00:53:53
movie looks so funny by the way yeah I'm dead serious that's the one that remember the one line that I had oh
00:53:59
yeah that was that yeah that's that that movie looks so funny man concept is so good yeah tell people what the concept is I didn't you don't know what the movies about at all I didn't seriously
00:54:09
idea have no idea what David Spade essentially is in this movie where he and he he thinks he's texting one girl
00:54:16
invites her on a on a second date to Hawaii and instead gets this other idiot from his past in his phone who has the exact same name yeah it's Lauren lapkus right isn't it laughs and she shows up instead of this hot other chick that he
00:54:29
thinks it is this like supermodel yeah and lapkus shows up and she's like the girl from hell and she's crazy and not
00:54:34
at uh but of course it ends up turning out that you know she's she's just as good if not better than the original the
00:54:40
way it's fun but but bonus ly Shh but honestly I saw that concept and I go so fun so current I hope it's really funny yeah cuz sometimes I seem comedy movies
00:54:53
now and I go with that concept doesn't even look good this concept looks hilarious you invite the wrong idiot on vacation yeah well it
00:54:59
first of all when I was there I was just like one line huh yeah it was speed called me goes you have one line I told you this did I tell you what happened yeah we talked about it yeah but I just can't believe one line didn't let you
00:55:12
bang out anything else no one line what was lined welcome to some hotel that's getting cut yeah if I was the editor I beg I I know and then also then and then
00:55:22
they're like can you have Lauren lapkus and Nick Swardson on your podcast or they're coming Monday together yeah no
00:55:30
that's good but you can't but I'm just saying now you got on the show before no never Nick's never done the show ever have you had Nick
00:55:36
yeah after Nick got sober he came on my show and we talked about what happened to him in great depth Wow yeah great yeah and an emotional depth
00:55:48
like he you know he kind of got the eye Nick is a guy who's always been fun to party with but as a child of addiction
00:55:55
or around addiction I know when people were too much yes Swardson was one of those ones that
00:56:01
I always had in my prayers to be honest with I just wanted him to be okay love the first of all ever since I've been in
00:56:08
comedy he's always been the nicest coolest guy yet he's he you know you'd be at the improv and he'd sneak up behind you and go hey you wanna [ __ ] yeah he's like one of those guys and you
00:56:21
go yeah you want to [ __ ] now you know I mean and you wouldn't simulate it you know me in front of everybody he's one
00:56:27
of those he's exactly my type of guy he's super fun super fun he used to have this um jeer every year he had this uh
00:56:35
birthday party at a roller skating rink hmm right and it was the greatest party in human history because he would wear you know leotard and pink wings he right
00:56:49
Swartz an always committed yeah I mean he still always commits and then one night you know what happened why he canceled it right mm-hmm so he would
00:56:57
have this gigantic birthday party and you know he would charge five bucks whatever you know and he he would put
00:57:04
this five bucks all the money and there's like ten kind of candle thing and at 3:00 in the morning he was
00:57:09
walking to his car and some man just put out a shotgun stuck into his face and took the money it wasn't a shotgun I had
00:57:20
a head i had a handgun i had a handgun but ya know yeah i I heard I heard a variation of that I made I made somebody you made some of it I was filling out that I make things up out but it was
00:57:34
still good I lie a lot yeah yeah yeah what do you lie about the most everything really yeah I think my whole life is a lie mm-hmm I
00:57:45
you found I think you found a very happy medium I think that I am yeah median median median means medium right
00:57:53
well here's what I do I embellish the story so so let's say suppose like I'm walking down the street in a homeless
00:58:00
man bumps me hey and that story will then turn into you got no fish my oldest penis out right pissed on my leg right I tried to run he tripped me
00:58:12
and then he [ __ ] on my leg or whatever right it's always a disaster but you do
00:58:17
that course that's how come comedian's cuz in our mind all times but then it's like it's a lice it's a life based on
00:58:23
lies no I'll do that if I'm telling a story on stage that's what I'm referring to but if it's like no I say that like
00:58:30
in front of like like a friend of mine no that doesn't make sense to me that since I do it all drive know if that was
00:58:36
a story like most of my bits have come from a place where they become hyperbolized or grown into these bigger
00:58:42
bits where like this happened and then look at you don't you don't like on a podcast you don't embellish stories no yeah but but for the most part they're really true like maybe I'll say yeah but
00:58:54
yours is that's more than sensationalism to be like I bumped into a homeless guy versus he pulled out his dick he pissed on me you know what I mean he opened his
00:59:01
butthole up and pulled out a little like an American flag yeah I need help that's no you don't need help you I do I can't
00:59:07
could no because that's not oh wait I want to I don't want to be that guy it's okay to make those bits on stage
00:59:12
Jim Bella sh bits for the sake of comedy that's this dude this is a comedy show it's fun yeah sometimes I met it like
00:59:18
azume a meeting oh that you should know but nobody listened and I'll be like people are
00:59:23
sharing deep [ __ ] right right so then they'll go my turn I go hi used to like beat you just make up stuff because the guy before me just [ __ ] his whole
00:59:44
family died so what why can't you just be like hey that sucks about the family thing I'm I'm in good shape yeah because I saw that out of a meeting once where
00:59:50
it was so funny I laughed out loud yeah it was one of those a meeting I should I
00:59:57
[ __ ] it where everyone shares yeah right and you have to share and so one guy was like literally was
01:00:04
like um so my cancer came back and my doctor is giving me you know six weeks you know or whatever Rhys I had and then literally the next it was hey and Tom I
01:00:18
sold the script I sold it guys did you clap that's that's yeah I know and out with the just gonna just was hard yeah you know because you if I was the guy
01:00:31
was like I'm sorry man you know man yeah but that that's great yeah but I and this is me in the meat you know did
01:00:42
you talk to him afterwards no you could have got a line in that I know I should yeah but what you know what do you say
01:00:48
to a guy who has cancer I don't know what to say well I think that's the point of that guy saying I sold a script
01:00:53
ok you be the guy you you tell me that you had cancer and I'm a guy in the meeting and I'm next ok yeah hi I'm Brady alcoholic hey Brady
01:01:05
so um guys you know um my cancer I went to the doctor my cancers back and um and um you know that I'm a single father and six
01:01:16
children and I don't know what I'm gonna do about um my kids that's my sure thank you my wife and I
01:01:30
just got the pressure cooker we ordered yesterday and I gotta tell you it cooks good meals
01:01:37
now you said there's nothing you can do before you forward yeah okay can I do that can I shoot can I share something with you here let's do this there's a I had I wanna Andres we haven't used in a
01:01:51
long time and you know he's a little upset about it he wants us to call him on today's because he I guess I think he
01:02:00
missed he misses us a little bit you know mm-hm so we have to call Andres because he
01:02:05
wants to do a little video for us let me do it on FaceTime here okay so today today today today's Bob Marley's death day he died today on this
01:02:17
very day and because of that Andreas is a massive our fancy B undress our house resident fancy B is a massive Bob Marley fan and he he wants to do a tribute he
01:02:29
wants to sing a song he wants to do a Bob Marley tribute oh I like three little birds can he sing that I can ask
01:02:35
hi sweetheart hey como estas ustedes come sir como estas como esta usted es good I can't here him oh my I don't know why he's not
01:02:47
in the headphones hold on one second sweetheart okay hey no here yeah okay good you're him now right Bob and your
01:02:55
headphones yeah I can hear him now so so it's Bob Marley's birthday I told my Lee's death day right you love Bob Marley why I love la banda
01:03:07
yeah well he's just an inspiration for all of us you know plays that music and smoke some weed and we feel all better wow I don't know you were such a big weed smoker yeah really are you high
01:03:23
right now yeah I needed a couple you know a couple of poops yeah that's how they say in Spain they say proofs yeah you know I need to hit a couple of proof can I have a proof of that you imagine
01:03:38
what you're smoking weed can I have a poof i back why would you light them on fire it's gonna be all
01:03:44
blow you see boo bro could I have a poof I dad please no [ __ ] you bro come on man I need a pulse yeah so listen you like smoking
01:03:51
weed and listen to Bob what uh what are you gonna do as a tribute for Bob Marley's death day he died this very day
01:03:56
I thought you know do sing a little bit of a song for him and for all of you like he probably my first and last performance ever no no you're gonna have many more so
01:04:08
Bobby Bobby likes the song three little birds can you bring that up and sing three little birds what about I stopped
01:04:15
the chariot no no I want you to sing a song that you didn't prepare he prepared I shot the shared I shot the show like last night in the show can we hear a little bit of I shot the
01:04:25
sheriff for fun right now yeah let's hear a little bit right okay ready yeah I shot the sheriff but I didn't shoot no
01:04:42
deputy oh no I shall be sharing love it yeah but I didn't shoot no deputy woohoo all
01:04:56
around my hometown they're trying to track me down they say to warn me bringing guilty for
01:05:10
the killing of a dead beauty very good course again for the life that is very good it's real [ __ ] dope that's dope
01:05:28
Andres for you alright three little birds three little birds on your computer he trying to what he doesn't
01:05:42
know that one is that's the best part of us but that's the best part song he's ever written you know my son you know my
01:05:49
favorite song is which one no woman no cry no no which one Redemption Song yeah that's a good song I wish we could play some of it right now I know you know he died from Bob Marley died from foot
01:06:04
cancer aka the government right the [ __ ] government killed him I know they did why did they say foot kid like
01:06:11
they said melanoma skin cancer the punchau killed Bruce Lee Simon Cowell the American Idol guys know Simon Chou
01:06:17
the old Chinese he killed Bruce Lee and his son Brandon that's a fact Brandon got shot from a blank bullet but it was a real bullet Simon chow yeah the common call did all
01:06:30
that stuff that Simon Cowell the British American Idol not the ex urgh I know Bruce Lee you know that good
01:06:37
no Simon tell the old Chinese producers a guy why did I enter the dragon all that [ __ ] why didn't he like Bruce there was something I don't know what are you in the ocean yeah look like Echo Park
01:06:51
helicopter going by Wow okay go three little birds let's hear three little birds hey can
01:06:56
you guys give me a hand and tell me a little bit what the melodies like this is the best youth you you're huge Bob
01:07:02
Marley fans [ __ ] come on dude you're go Bob Marley Finn let's hear it okay don't
01:07:11
worry about it being cause every little thing gonna be all right perfect don't worry about it being mean it's
01:07:24
gonna be all right it's not this is good it's not even close keep going undress you're right there going man rise up in the morning
01:07:36
doesn't know Bob Wow with it rises on no three little birds pitch by my doorstep
01:07:48
okay can I teach you the best way to learn this to learn this song the melody is like the ABCs so it's done and done
01:07:58
so try that try that don't don't worry about a thing cause every little thing gonna be all right
01:08:11
up higher swing again come on come on that's right let it go okay thinking don't worry about a thing every little thing gonna be all right
01:08:26
yeah higher higher higher all right that's it perfect okay very good you're a huge fan I told you yes a pot
01:08:38
head massive Bob Marley family this is the kind of guy what's all over your shirt is that shipping instructions get back to where you're from [ __ ] no you know what it looks like
01:08:50
stigmata you know how like yeah this is a skin you know like when somebody's possessed right they write a message through the skin help me that looks like
01:09:00
looks like a bunch of it's looks like the movie momento what is that shirt really say I can't we can't read anything Oh something about love and father and life meanwhile if that was on
01:09:14
his walls in his bedroom you'd have to call like the cops makes that shirt is that a fancy shirt and we just don't know yeah it's uh it's a brand called deathly wall from fame let's say what
01:09:29
advice all right elegant European style yeah all right you know what yeah you know who that is
01:09:35
Jesse wall I've never heard this designer before my luck yeah because we're real American yeah we're real American Eagle how much would that shirt
01:09:41
cost are you sure are you just trying to [ __ ] front on us is that an expensive shirt uh no just like normal retail it
01:09:48
may be a little pricier than your average like Farrah but not not like a huge you know like how much like like 40 50 60 70 yeah 50 60 bucks mmm are we
01:10:02
paying him do we pay him money okay wasting every good job very good job yeah say happy birthday I'm sorry he passed away on this very day long time ago I'm well yeah when you texted me you
01:10:17
said I'm a big Bob fan and I would like to sing a song good job on draw Thank You Bobby yeah big hey why don't you why don't you say what you were gonna say to Bobby you told me you wanted to something you
01:10:29
what you wanted to say something to him he says well I write like last time we talked you guys told me that I should
01:10:36
practice a little bit my cloud ward and I wrote down here and on my stick you know like be as mean as you possibly can
01:10:44
alienate the audience and be really rude so I sort of like you know I I've been practicing on that so let me let me try it give me give me 30 seconds he wants
01:10:57
to do stand-up you know he wants to see us he asked me he texts me he'll be better than George I tell you that he said can I open for you on the road he
01:11:04
wants to open for [ __ ] I hope you guys didn't have anything better to do than to come to the serious Club like well like we said in my country the road
01:11:17
just like the pupal oh I hope you guys get diarrhea from the chicken wind let's meet some of our audience members denied uh yeah let's start with a lucky jump look at the [ __ ] in the
01:11:31
corner very good like lobster head what do you leave Hermione on horse or hooters if there is a pot at the end of
01:11:42
your rainbow it's it's yours bill we've done this in a welfare check no no no but sorry sorry I'm a huge fan I'm you know you're one of my committee heroes
01:11:54
thank you for being here carrot top that's good I love you you know stop going to the gym and went to the groomers instead but wow you look good
01:12:07
you look good with a little more weight true that gingers have no talent can I call you me a nation with a mullet before that looks like you know the
01:12:33
circle looks like it's all business in the front end a stretch up in the back Wow walking like Bill race a gun in the house you coming up to sing his hit song
01:12:48
hey key break the egg roll I don't know sir you you you look like a NASCAR driver that will get into a lot of accidents
01:13:13
funny dude that's his voice by the way you did a great job those jokes that you roasted us for we're really good I think
01:13:19
some of the top ones where they say that gingers don't have talent so good so good good twist on souls yeah and the
01:13:25
best one for this the best one for this a [ __ ] that's a NASCAR it gets a lot of very good very funny man because you
01:13:32
you did the whole stereotype that we can't drive as well in there yeah it's real no no I think he actually it also
01:13:38
applies literally to you because you are a dog [ __ ] driver all right like a Prius
01:13:44
buddy's crash yes see look at that he's paying attention I'm still doing it on Andres honestly that can you do that
01:13:51
every week probably not but I'll try okay well we but have some for Rudy next week okay bud okay so good I get tonight yes she is
01:14:03
too nice but she's talked [ __ ] about you she has tell him what you say about him tell them what you say you tell them
01:14:09
tell them what you call him yeah yeah all right alright Andres we love you we'll see you later bud so good it's an
01:14:26
improvement honestly yeah oh [ __ ] now he's you know what stand up it's about finding your
01:14:32
voice and he found it yeah before it was like he didn't that political [ __ ] he was doing a solo fun
01:14:38
but that was very good the political stuff was really funny - yeah I think he's I think he's a very funny dude
01:14:44
I think that I can't wait for him to open for us while we're on the road but isn't she gonna go out - she would you
01:14:51
do stand up in front of thousands of people just Rudy I don't know yeah but she what what I want her to do is sell the merch yeah we need merch yeah had you um do you think this is weird I just
01:15:04
literally yesterday released night well last week released tickets for a date in
01:15:10
October don't you think October is fine yeah I'm doing the Wilbur in Boston for the first time if any
01:15:15
our fans are in Boston come see me I played there once she loved it it was during a hurricane so in that big
01:15:22
theater I had not lying this is not an exaggeration nine people oh my god why didn't you
01:15:29
just not do the show I did it why would you just do why would you just say we have to cancel I would give back their mind people did you get you didn't get
01:15:35
paid no holy terrible and that's why I've never played I think they think I can't draw or some course you could you I know I could kill it there but they yeah that's what happened Wow so you
01:15:48
gonna play the Wilbur that's great oh you should save that date for us the Wilbur yeah this was booked forever ago
01:15:54
and then I had to get in rescheduling do you you and me that was we put a triple sell it out yeah but we're gonna
01:16:00
do other event we're gonna do a bunch of other rounds by the way the thing about the will were that's gonna be incredible for me as I taped my half hour for
01:16:06
Comedy Central across the street at the Royal Theater and at the at the same time that I was there across the street
01:16:13
was fortunate phim ster playing the Wilbur Wow and I was like damn dude she's [ __ ] kill he's killing it she
01:16:18
was key and that's when I did my half hour that was I think it was I'm almost positive she was there she was coming at least but dude I just it was that was
01:16:26
thank you for being thank you for being a bad friend no yeah no thank you for being a bad friend yeah thank you
01:16:43
we don't want to hear [ __ ] you're Wilbur Comedy Central story okay who gives a [ __ ] my special there and then you know what fortune feature was across the street was great she's wonderful
01:16:55
she's doing great thank you for being a bad friend that's what happens when you ended it's like oh yeah I was playing
01:17:04
Philadelphia once I have a story too I was playing Philadelphia once and then like um Chappelle was across the street it was great thank you for being a bad
01:17:11
friend you know it's like what the [ __ ] oh yeah oh yeah you gotta tell us that
01:17:18
story uh let's write a script on it that's so exciting it is it's a new movie you show
01:17:25
up you know in Boston right all the cameras are set up and all of a sudden you're doing the show and then [ __ ] fortunes on this across the street and that's the climax of the movie it's a big rain we could [ __ ]
01:17:37
get all cut Tom Hardy will be in it you know it's like why don't you learn how to play tell a story friend huh there's gonna be a point yeah so anyway when you
01:17:52
did that when you [ __ ] did that in my head I was like emergency emergency [ __ ] interviewed emergency chute right thank you for being a friend back
01:18:02
friend let's get the [ __ ] out of here you know it's ridiculous and I know you had elapsed a lapse in thought and judgment and you thought
01:18:13
there's dead air here I'm gonna throw out this [ __ ] story that I think is a story but it isn't so I you know you're allowed to make mistakes but that was a
01:18:24
dumb story and you're gonna get angry gonna you're gonna do what you'd usually do right and snap and you can throw something or scream or good but let's
01:18:36
just let it go and let's just end the [ __ ] podcast thank you for being a bad friend I think we should because if that's what your [ __ ] instinct is right now [ __ ] alright we're trying
01:18:49
to make this podcast a number one friend alright so just you know we might even have to cut that whole portion out what
01:18:55
do you think pal oh yeah you getting rageful and angry you don't know what to do go within yourself dude a life not
01:19:07
self examined is a life not worth with living all right so just examine yourself you [ __ ] up and let's end the
01:19:15
podcast right now okay the mother day song was strong mother day strong very good what what you gonna do let's move
01:19:30
on yeah look in the camera look in the camera thank you for me if you don't do this
01:19:38
you're gonna have a very big problem what go ahead you thought that was a good story story
01:19:56
if I had that [ __ ] BB gun right now I would shoot you in the [ __ ] eye friend all right so let's what get it
01:20:07
off your chest mm-hmm that's what I thought I'm good let's just get ended I'm sorry
01:20:24
I'm sorry is that what you want to hear I'm so sorry I should have done that yeah all
01:20:32
right so uh well I want to say that number one you're a good stand up you're a very good storyteller and that I would also have to say that I think
01:20:44
you drive this podcast mm-hmm I think you prepare you have bits that we do on the show I come here not prepared I have no idea what the [ __ ] I'm gonna say and
01:20:55
I should put a lot more energy into doing this this podcast and I'm gonna say that you're the foundation of this
01:21:02
thing and the reason why it's a success is because of you and I'm gonna thank you but that story was the worst driver ever
01:21:08
heard that potted Comedy Central thing and it was so [ __ ] dumb but other than that you're the greatest I'm sorry thank you for being a bad friend can I
01:21:23
say this point is is that um I'm cute as [ __ ] but my point is is that yeah but my
01:21:28
point is is that my point is is that but my point is is there so my my point is this but my point though is is that my
01:21:34
point is is that I don't even know that's the thing thing is is that the thing is is that because the thing is is
01:21:40
that the thing is is that the thing is is that good thing is is that your thing is is that the truth is is that what amazed me is is that but was weird is is
01:21:47
that not only that is is that here's the thing is is that try my honest opinion is is that and especially this is is
01:21:53
that when I like about it is is that I'm the honest truth is that but the problem
01:21:59
is is that but what they don't get is is that so when I'm saying is that this is that this is that is is that is is that
01:22:05
is is that is is that is that is is that is is that is is that is is that is is that this is that I don't know what it
01:22:11
is it is that or what it is is this is that on the dealers is this that you