00:00:00
two one Happy New Year thanks for coming out [Music] no [Music] [Music] hey bad friends did you like seeing me
00:00:38
kiss that sweet little Asian girl on New Year's Eve well if you want to celebrate
00:00:42
New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve with me either of those dates I'm doing
00:00:45
four shows two nights at the Wilbur Theater in Boston go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets
00:00:51
andrewsantino.com Boston show up show out New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve
00:00:56
Eve also uh not officially a part of the bad Friends tour but Bobby and I are going to be in Vancouver for Just for
00:01:02
Laughs on February 16th uh then we're going to be in Spokane for bad friends
00:01:07
on the 17th and Seattle Washington for bad friends on the 18th those links are going to be in the description down
00:01:15
below to buy those tickets to come see the bad friends beginning of the official tour that starts a month later
00:01:22
two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude you two are disgusting oh YouTube or
00:01:32
something we're bad friends [Laughter] you know and we also have dreidel dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay
00:01:55
is it better for you when you're dry and ready I just found out I'm gay there is ladies and gentlemen boys and
00:02:08
boys and girls have you been good this year I don't know but you get one anyway
00:02:13
well Asian Santa we've brought someone from your Workshop every year you know I get all the time
00:02:25
sometimes when they don't do I kill them oh you kill the elves that do a bad job
00:02:36
oh and icy lake yeah you know how you fish you dig a hole I do ice fish yeah I put the
00:02:43
elephant in there oh you put one of your helpers inside yeah he's been with me for 89 years one
00:02:57
of the good ones he is so fast very good in my mind I thought he Asian oh you thought he was Asian oh you're not why
00:03:04
why would you think he's Asian because he works so hard not because of his height no no no oh yeah that too because
00:03:10
he's similarly yeah yeah anyway my favorite Earth in the workshop is a Brad William Brad William
00:03:21
um oh he's scared of Santa you know guys yeah right there okay yeah yeah uh so so
00:03:31
here's I guess Asians can I speak okay Asian Santa's favorite my favorite Helper and how do you feel
00:03:44
about Asian Santa do you get along with him oh his dick is so big so big thank you thank you and he's such
00:03:51
a such a vigorous lover and and and and and and such a generous leader he's being facetious by the way do you
00:04:01
know what that means Asian Santa I don't know I know Confucius Confucius say physician
00:04:07
is it Confucius yeah that one he's facetiousness means he's he's he's when he talks about your big
00:04:14
penis on the he's kidding and what do I feed you at night Christmas Eve oh the
00:04:20
best the yeah but not Rudolph because you know he's the lead you know I can't see
00:04:37
without him yeah he got the Red Nose how do you see in the night so well as you're dashing through the smell
00:04:45
because of my eyes well what you know let me tell you something you know there's more than one Santa I only do
00:04:51
Asia oh you're just for Asia yeah you know that right no I can't go to Cleveland
00:04:56
imagine me coming down Korea yeah yeah yeah but in you know Shanghai what do they leave you oh they leave me
00:05:05
dumplings I love the almond cookie so you have you ever been to the United States and delivered gifts no never
00:05:15
never one time you know the real Santa the real yeah you know yeah because the African
00:05:24
Center and I oh you get along oh the Africa yeah so you commiserate with other minors
00:05:30
tell me he only has to do three houses you know why why they're all bad kids really
00:05:40
that's African Santa right there yeah so he only has to do three now do you visit the Philippines
00:05:53
you know I'm on the mainland correct Asia right yeah and at five in the morning you know my last house is
00:05:59
probably you know Vietnam somewhere else you know loud Saigon or something you know right and I'm tired you know they
00:06:05
don't get much anyway you know so yeah yeah and then it's like I go do I go to
00:06:10
home oh I go to East Paul East Paul yeah we live in Eastport yeah right or do I go all the way to a little
00:06:21
island where they don't give a [ __ ] nobody you know okay I don't go have you
00:06:25
ever gotten Christmas presents Rudy Jules from Asian Santa yeah no no yeah you don't no you were bad yeah yeah yeah
00:06:33
I remember you yeah yeah yeah we're not giving it to her I can be your helper I can clean
00:06:43
I mean okay is it too much yeah uh welcome Brad Williams to the podcast happy holidays thank you I think I think
00:06:59
it's now an authentic holiday episode yeah with you yeah with you yeah it just
00:07:05
looks right now have you ever met Rudy Jewels have you guys met before no no not not in person but uh let me ask you
00:07:11
I I've only slid into her DMS a couple of times oh my God Brad Rudy Jules are there dwarves from
00:07:20
your land yeah where name me one I don't know them but I've seen them where like
00:07:26
when I ride um like jeepney and they're just like they're just like like a Jeep
00:07:32
like where like you commute oh it's like a safari so what in the jeepney okay so when I ride
00:07:52
that like outside all right that's a hippies bus from Berkeley yeah yeah that's not it but wait a minute you ride
00:07:58
around in this looking for a little no no no no no no no do you have a net when you when you find them like you know how
00:08:05
when you throw you have to hit a fish in water you have to aim below it do you have to how low do you have to aim to
00:08:12
hit little people that you're trying to kill on the street I mean this is insane
00:08:15
you do this they have one of those scoopers like those carts have at the golf driving range yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:08:22
so you're just collecting Little People yeah yeah that's nuts it's a Filipino
00:08:27
trip I'm into it that's why I've never been there do they drive the thing no
00:08:31
like sometimes I like I usually um drive that and then um sometimes I just see them like in the streets like
00:08:38
sitting and then just walking around how do you know they're not kids yeah how do you know
00:08:46
I don't know you check the pubic hair yeah how do you know is it kids or maybe
00:08:50
you're seeing like a thicker kid because like Filipinos general not that tall
00:08:55
right exactly so you and you have a half asian wife I do well no your wife is Asian you have a half asian baby yes so
00:09:03
your wife is she she's half she's half Chinese so we have a quarter a quarter
00:09:08
Chinese but your wife's half Chinese and half what uh we don't know oh wow the
00:09:12
mystery yeah that's like Bobby we don't know yeah so your baby is what now uh
00:09:18
home I know she's a quarter Chinese quarter Chinese and then and then 50 white probably
00:09:26
white probably more than that no 25 of the dwarf part he's native oh it is I'm
00:09:32
from America we don't have our own land that's right he's native I mean we have
00:09:36
our own Park in China but that's a whole other story what's that ah thank you
00:09:40
gave bread now there we go that's cool that's cool now I could you know you
00:09:43
feel better that way or no yeah it puts my back in the line because those there those seats are so the fact that we got
00:09:49
these seats for them is so mean for our guests yeah because they're they're not
00:09:53
good for anybody that's true but are they fun to look at they're fun to look
00:09:56
at you better believe it because I had to say something you're probably so far
00:09:59
hard to follow on stand up oh so I thought you were like in the streets yeah that's easy
00:10:05
small steps behind things it's very hard to follow are you well you're hard you know what
00:10:10
you're hard to find not to follow yes I got you once I got you yeah yeah I kind
00:10:14
of stand out but before that sneaky oh they're sneaky people so wait a minute
00:10:19
you're saying I'm feeling I'm being canceled no not at sneaky people but
00:10:22
excuse sneakers why are you being why are you being canceled well I don't want
00:10:25
to like you know anyway joke about one of our friends it's all right it takes a
00:10:29
long time for a dwarf to write a letter you're fine he's a great comic thank you Bob and you
00:11:01
have a residency in Vegas is that what it is I had one yeah what happened to it uh uh my contract ran up give me the
00:11:07
show up the show what's it called again it's called mad Apple I was in Mad Apple
00:11:11
uh the Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas yeah it was a blast I went on after the
00:11:17
guys that juggle each other with their feet wow look at that thing yeah and you did that how many shows a week uh 10 10
00:11:25
shows 10 a week yeah oh my gosh two shows a night Monday Wednesday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Friday Thursday Friday
00:11:31
we had we had Wednesday Thursday off that was our weekends wow yeah it was it was a blast I did it for like I said
00:11:39
like four months and it was wonderful I I like being in a circle I work 10 minutes each show amazing it was great
00:11:46
you didn't want to do another run or no uh the answer to every question is always
00:11:51
money yeah how much yeah that's what he responds how much yeah yeah yeah and
00:11:55
they didn't pay you enough uh they did it first and then we started seeing my
00:12:00
stock kind of rise and things like that so we're like all right now if you want
00:12:03
to do it again you gotta you gotta pay me more and they're like no there he is
00:12:07
is that that's you that's you presenting yeah oh that that was me at the launch
00:12:11
that fo that there's me on stage yeah wow so yeah but it was a blast there's
00:12:17
an amazing company to work for I got free physical therapy so you great you went there and did what do you do when
00:12:22
you open up the show you do like 15 minutes up top 10 minutes you do 10 minutes of standout So Physical Therapy
00:12:27
how long before I mean it's not probably not that long he's probably like beep
00:12:31
and then it's done they go they press on the spine with the finger and then I got
00:12:35
your bread I'm Healed I'm Healed I'm good sciatica done free physical therapies yeah I'm
00:12:42
only like an inch taller than them I don't know why I'm making these jokes
00:12:45
that's why you're making the joke yeah you're like ah ego boost Brad's here
00:12:49
yeah fine I can finally get these jokes out you think you can beat me up oh yeah
00:12:53
big time yeah you always say that my money is on bread like with I mean without but in what shadow of a doubt
00:12:58
what in any fighting or watch yeah like I wrestled in high school so okay me too
00:13:03
so did he oh he did yeah okay that'd be fun okay but like but like how old are
00:13:08
you now Bobby 51 51 yeah what are you 38 but that's like 51 in dwarf oh yeah yeah
00:13:15
it is yeah so yeah we're about to say we're about to say yeah I think it's a
00:13:18
good tale to say it's a good yeah it'll be fun he's got the reach Advantage
00:13:21
boxing he could probably beat me I don't know Taekwondo definitely that's a leg
00:13:25
martial art exactly yeah but when it comes to grappling like UFC Rules maybe if you can get a hold of yeah yeah yeah
00:13:31
yeah okay because he gets he's got the holds down yeah I do I'm pretty good
00:13:35
though how do you think he [ __ ] made a baby with his wife that's all holes
00:13:37
that was all holes and she's tall right how old she's six four yeah to me five eight right yeah and how
00:13:45
tall are you uh four foot four so yeah wow everyone when they see us together is like [ __ ] that dude must be
00:13:50
rich yeah like they you know they know I know it's just your dick can I say something to you yeah it's all dick
00:13:56
doesn't even infuriate you because when I used to date I used to date taller
00:14:00
women and people always make remarks yeah doesn't it make you angry somehow I
00:14:04
don't think they make remarks to him the way they do to you yeah what do you mean
00:14:07
well because I have like a whole I have like I have a condition you're just small no no he has a condition would
00:14:13
that hurt but that hurt but I'll let that slide right for him yeah it's it's
00:14:19
like recognized by the government and our and our society with you it's just
00:14:25
unfortunate right but can I ask you this which sucks because there's nothing we
00:14:29
can do about it it's not it's not like we're doing something to be our height
00:14:33
yeah but you use yours to your advantage to build character Bobby's doesn't
00:14:39
really there's no plus oh there's nothing that's good he doesn't have an organization he can
00:14:46
join like I can go to meetings right yeah yeah can I go to your meetings how tall are you
00:14:54
five five five three five five three five three five four in the good day that's what we said no Too Tall what's
00:15:01
the height then limit five lie five five is a lie five Google it five five four four ten four ten is the limit are you
00:15:08
being real yeah that's the legal limit yeah if you're 410 or below you are
00:15:12
legally considered what if a dwarf had um giganticism [Laughter] he would be five four there gotta be
00:15:25
they're they're now there are now Adam Raynor was a dwarf and a giant at the
00:15:31
exact same exactly yeah yeah Bobby was right I was right what which one oh my God he's eight what no that's not that's
00:15:39
him standing on someone's shoulders go back to all and let's see yeah go back
00:15:43
to the actual post click on the post itself Adam Raynor the insane story of man who was born a dwarf and died a
00:15:49
giant wow wow so obviously what happened was he was born a dwarf and then the pituitary gland a right overflowed isn't
00:15:57
that what happens right when you become a giant giant yeah it's a it's a giant
00:16:00
uh giantism yeah it's likely a cyst on your pituitary which means you grow it's
00:16:05
it's throwing all of this Andre the Giant had it the rest of the Big Show right but it's great in a circus because
00:16:11
you can reinvent yourself right you're a dwarf in the circle and they're like oh
00:16:15
we've seen it and all of a sudden the next day it's like oh this is a new
00:16:18
thing oh look at the tits on her yeah God bless Adam Raynor yeah oh look at that look at that over the next decade
00:16:27
he grew from just under 410 have to be yeah to a shocking 7-1 during this period Renner also began developing a
00:16:35
severe spinal contusion contusion what is that curvature curvature yeah I mean it's natural you go from 4 10 to 7 1 in
00:16:42
a year right that's three feet I imagine that didn't feel too good good God man oh God's crazy but imagine
00:16:50
mad scientist when he was a dwarf yes he had a big pipe and he thought look at me
00:16:55
yeah 10 at 7-1 not so big anymore see it's all about it's all about perspective that's right people ask me
00:17:00
all the time they're like oh Brad dwarves they got big dicks go no but on but on me it looks [ __ ] huge yeah 100
00:17:05
yeah I've seen Brad lean forward with no hands like a kickstand yeah I've seen
00:17:10
him do it I can't fall over it's nuts it's nuts we both wobble but they don't
00:17:14
fall down can I make another observation man I I feel like I'm not an uppity
00:17:18
Asian like there's there's Comics right that are like losing up at the Asian I
00:17:22
don't want to name it name names well you know he's a talented guy and I like
00:17:26
him right but Ronnie Chang you think he's an up in the Asian I to me in my my
00:17:31
circle of I mean you mean he's very judgy of people like no no I just think he's elevated uh you know what I mean
00:17:38
like you can't like go up to him and do an accent or whatever right right right
00:17:41
but I feel like Peter Dinklage is umpity right you're you're like more like me
00:17:46
like we could take jokes and stuff is what I'm saying this is interesting you
00:17:49
think dinky would be a dinky why so horrible I was trying to give him a nickname
00:17:57
you think little dinkler you think Dinklage would be an uppity uh dwarf like if Brad made a joke because here's
00:18:04
the deal yeah Brad one one of our our long long long long long buddies he's able to make great jokes about himself
00:18:10
take the piss of himself as we say to kind of like lighten the load of the world right yeah and obviously wants to
00:18:16
be treated with respect but give me another Apple box yes but the guy's got a great sense of humor about it but do
00:18:22
you think right that's a valid question do you think Dinklage imagine okay look
00:18:26
yeah you're on a set of a movie yeah you go up to Peter yeah and you're like hey
00:18:29
man great to me he's like hey and you throw out a classic Brad joke yeah yeah
00:18:33
you know you've got him [ __ ] in the chamber I know you do and he looks at you and is like I don't really [ __ ] with
00:18:39
that [ __ ] do you think that would be him or do you think he'd laugh along and
00:18:41
make a joke with you I think he I think that might be him because he's the guy
00:18:44
that when he hosted Saturday Night Live he told the writers no dwarf jokes in the entire show so none of the sketches
00:18:50
have anything to do with him being a little person it's never wow and you if
00:18:54
you went you got to Hostess oh fire away yeah oh people with the cast members would have a cannon they would lean on
00:18:59
them yeah yeah I would play the part of Pete Davidson's dick [Laughter] now see but that's I look I I think I
00:19:12
understand his prerogative but like sure I get the perspective of shooting on ourselves it's way more fun it's way
00:19:18
more fun in that in kind of like what you said it it takes the bullets out of the other person's gun because oh now
00:19:25
now you can't make fun of me for this because I'm already doing it right so I
00:19:30
like doing it but obviously I'm I'm not one to tell Peter that he's doing it
00:19:33
wrong he's amazingly successful and talented yeah he knows what he's doing
00:19:36
that's one of the reasons yeah and yeah he's not on bad friends and also and yet
00:19:41
he did that Gary Oldman movie oh yes you mean the most offensive movie ever yeah
00:19:46
yeah he did the most tiptoes in the most offensive movie ever made you would have done that movie oh where
00:19:54
did everyone where did the trailer tipped of get where Gary Oldman did short leg Yeah Yeah we've shown it on
00:20:01
this show yeah because we know how much you love tiptoes in fact one of the searches the top searches tiptoes movie
00:20:06
clip from our show yeah yeah just Andrew Santino rips tip says Gary Oldman can act his way out of a paperback guy
00:20:25
can act did you see the movie I did I I I watched it and reviewed it for they have to it's a problem yeah hey never
00:20:34
find yourself in this scenario that it that is why we watched 100 teaching a lesson it's the worst [ __ ] movie ever
00:20:40
it but like there's so much [ __ ] I could break down about that movie that's just
00:20:45
like like the way some people watch The Godfather I watch tiptoes for the exact opposite reasons wow to just break it
00:20:52
down it's a case study yeah what is the most offensive thing about the movie oh
00:20:56
well I mean aside from the Gary Oldman yeah uh Gary Oldman being on his knees and his arms uh like in his shoulders
00:21:03
pinned back so his arm so his arms are smaller that's pretty [ __ ] wrong yeah
00:21:08
yeah uh but then what was the other one um they they went to a they they went to
00:21:13
an all dwarf party oh right during that one all right that's where Peter England
00:21:19
was right yeah yeah and uh in the world of Peter dinklage's accent was very offensive because he was like saying it
00:21:26
was like like he he said something that and then his accent wasn't consistent
00:21:30
the entire that's a pretty good dwarf dance that's McConaughey he's not a daughter
00:21:35
oh I'm sorry my path oh that's makani and there's multiple Oscar winners in
00:21:40
this movie in the world in the world of let's not prop tiptoes up anymore yeah
00:21:45
in the world of wokeness but it's available on Amazon Prime let's see the
00:21:50
worst movie ever it's available and equality yeah do you think there should be an all dwarf movie
00:21:59
I mean or show or TV show show yeah I I'm actually I'm pitching one of those
00:22:05
right now and no and no tallies I mean they're gonna be the victims there it is ah yeah victims of what like
00:22:13
murder yeah it's all dwarf murder show it's a dwarf murder yeah we're we're you
00:22:20
know Murder podcasts are real big so we're trying to do like all right there
00:22:24
needs to be a dwarf dwarf serial killer has there has there ever been one I mean
00:22:28
maybe not killer but definitely like uh ACL Terror or something like that I don't know I put one guy also known as
00:22:39
epicito orejudo the big-eared [ __ ] was an Argentinian serial killer who terrorized
00:22:47
say it again say it say it how you're supposed to say it the big-aired [ __ ] was an Argentinian
00:22:55
serial killer who say that again there's no I'm reading Wikipedia there's no way
00:22:59
to say that without laughing now I know that's his name now I know how I will
00:23:03
identify bad friends fans in the audiences of my stand-ups so this guy was a serial killer in
00:23:14
Argentina when he was 16 years old wow go to his Wikipedia let's find out how
00:23:18
he died I want I want to see how he would like I wish he would have been a boxer and that's how it would have been
00:23:23
announced or like you know like a UFC fighter that's great where and how and he died
00:23:33
from what who killed him someone finally got him back a curb it was too high yeah
00:23:38
somebody bumped into him all right so go on that go zoom in to go zoom into his photo and the thing below it it says how
00:23:43
many merch four murdered is that what it says for murder that's a lot for him hey
00:23:47
that's a lot first this is my favorite yeah four murdered two two assaulted five attempted couldn't get the job done
00:23:54
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the podcast you know what that that actually makes me proud that there are you're
00:26:22
represented yeah why don't you do a biopic about this guy Brad I got to no I
00:26:27
don't know he's not Hispanic yeah he is yeah he is I mean guys from Denver oh
00:26:33
yeah yeah yeah I'm from Orange County but [ __ ] it well you're a Denver fan
00:26:39
yeah I'm a Denver fan that's what I associate you sucks this year but I forgot that you're from Orange County I
00:26:43
forget anybody's from oh I'm the whitest of the white Orange County that that is
00:26:47
so white it is really it's unfortunate yeah do you know where Orange County is
00:26:51
oh you've never been down there no you would love it down there yeah why it's
00:26:55
all white yeah it's what you love all Whitey Whitey's no it's I don't know it's all
00:27:02
white it's wider than a lot of Asian my high school in Orange County was 58 Asian what kind uh mostly Korean I'm in
00:27:10
good or bad oh okay mostly Korean down there yeah but that's funny because you're San Diego but there
00:27:17
I understand military kids uh down by you mostly is what you got you grew up with military kids right no you didn't
00:27:25
have a lot of military a lot of white people but not military God bless that was more like um Mira Mesa maybe right
00:27:32
right oh that's more that's North the Poway now but um there was a lot of
00:27:35
whites a lot of whites yeah a lot of whites and God bless you know what I mean I love the whites great people all
00:27:41
right slow down you don't so don't no you guys invented electricity you want to get into inventions
00:27:50
getting inventions what did Koreans invent [ __ ] that's a good one just put in there
00:27:56
I know I know Kim jong-un's haircut all right so Koreans invented Internet cafe
00:28:00
okay great one be honest milk cartons dude how how would we carry our milk listen to this list you guys cheering
00:28:10
balloon sticks you're like changing the game yeah yeah what about the third MP what'd it say
00:28:18
MP3 MP3s okay oh that thing we never use anymore but we did yeah for like an hour
00:28:24
yeah I don't know I I didn't hang your head on cheering balloon sticks yeah
00:28:28
yeah last one was let's say milk cartons milk and egg cartons God Bless yeah yeah
00:28:36
you've invented the wrap around TV so you know watch your [ __ ] tone no I just
00:28:43
suggesting man I know you're being facetious Confucius say you're being facetious are there any dwarf inventions
00:28:48
besides oh [ __ ] besides to Google that besides like devices we have to use to wipe our ass I was gonna say I bet you
00:28:54
guys by way of uh struggling through things have to have invented some dope [ __ ] I mean I've got a claw that like
00:29:00
closes my uh trunk of my car oh you do really wait it's not hot no I I it's a
00:29:06
2014 and they didn't really have it so you know what's crazy on the trunk of my
00:29:10
car yeah they have this thing for they've been a lot of companies have this now where let's say you have
00:29:14
groceries in your hand you can wave your foot under the back bumper and it'll
00:29:18
close just by waving you for those assets wow imagine you just oh I would walk right under yeah yeah well I know
00:29:24
what you guys invented probably stilts [Laughter] lips shoe lips gotta ride those roller coasters by the
00:29:34
way look at this guy yeah this is Carlos our favorite he writes has a dwarf invented anything
00:29:39
So Gone to send it yeah yeah well German folklore uh oh a dwarf has invented something uh I I I
00:29:51
do know one dwarf inventor not necessarily an inventor but he all right the map of the human body like how like
00:29:58
modern medicine like where the organs are and everything like that was a dwarf I think it was an Italian dwarf uh [ __ ]
00:30:06
I don't know his name but yeah look at the Mia down here I've got the map of
00:30:10
the body was it Mario yeah dude how was that guy Italian and Japanese at the exact same time yeah
00:30:31
they are how was Mario an Italian and Japanese dwarf he was the first mixed race couple that okay like it's so
00:30:37
Japanese he's amazing here we go do they have Mario like in the Philippines yeah
00:30:42
we do what do they what game is it it's the racing what was the original game
00:30:47
Mario was in this is great it's not Leonardo who made the first diagram of the human body Leonardo da Vinci he
00:30:53
wasn't down yeah how tall was Leonardo yeah let's find this out because you
00:30:58
might you lie no no no no no I forget what he did or what he discovered or maybe it was like he did
00:31:27
it for the dwarf body in Philadelphia There's a there's a museum there called the mudder Museum of
00:31:37
medical Oddities and I went there because we go to these cities multiple times you get to see all the stuff and
00:31:42
you're like all right I gotta see something different and I and I went to that Museum and there's there's a full
00:31:48
like dwarf skeleton right as you walked in it was weird it's just a skeleton of
00:31:53
a dwarf yeah and it was my type of dwarfism so like everyone else was there like probably thought I was checking on
00:31:58
my grandfather or something that would have been what's your type I have bro I know yeah bro bro yeah that
00:32:10
yeah that's it Honey I shrunk Brad Brad what is the type of dwarfism you have I
00:32:15
have a chondroplasia it's the most common yes would that skeleton even scare you
00:32:25
it's so cute I literally want one fancy loves it it's like bro if that thing came from the grave
00:32:32
yeah right we wouldn't be scared oh my God that's the cutest thing I've
00:32:38
ever seen oh I'm gonna discover wow whatever dwarf uh organization is gonna get us for this oh I know right
00:32:48
LPA LPA little people of America yeah yeah they're getting us wait there there
00:32:52
is one yeah yeah they're called Little People of America yes and they have power
00:32:58
[Laughter] you've heard of Reaching Across the aisle yeah it's that technically used to
00:33:18
be called Reaching Across the aisle over the dwarfs which is what it was that's
00:33:22
how rude it was they have no lobbying power what's up yeah LPS little people
00:33:25
of America yeah wow make no mistake Brad is someone we love and respect we love just having fun LPA his wife is
00:33:31
beautiful he's a great stand-up I don't view him as anything oh that sounds terrible I don't view him
00:33:39
as anything I don't exist that out I don't know leave that in that's what I'm saying you have to leave
00:33:46
it in yeah you're like not even a human to me come on I will say this though being
00:33:54
buddies with Brad and going out to dinner with Brad in the real world you've never eaten together have you no
00:33:59
no I think we have we must have one time at the Colusa Casino that's right yeah
00:34:05
we had a dinner and that's when I saw your penis so basically Bradley and yours is bigger yeah that's right yeah
00:34:12
yeah this is sad for me I mean Brad and I went out well we've gone multiple times and and steak and I will say this
00:34:17
about [ __ ] brat LP aside this [ __ ] yep can [ __ ] eat it's insane and he'll go
00:34:27
he'll do a singer he's like no no no I had less I'm smaller than you guys nah
00:34:31
that guy had more than I had wants to pay half that's what he says I pay less
00:34:35
I eat lessons it makes sense guy gets a Tomahawk Steak yeah finishes the whole thing I'm not kidding like 32 ounces wow
00:34:41
yeah yeah doesn't even [ __ ] think twice Yeah well yeah I get a baseball filet this guy's [ __ ] he's got the
00:34:47
whole cow in front of him it's a Napoleon complex I feel like I have to prove myself every time you do you think
00:34:52
every time we go out for steak you finish like I ask you about Napoleon sure I don't know anything about it I
00:34:58
know but because I've heard that before pretend you do yeah yeah they say Napoleon complex so you assume that
00:35:05
Napoleon was small he was always he was like five six yeah that's average height
00:35:10
for the eight for that for that era yeah right so what's why did they say Napoleon complex there's a there's a
00:35:16
story behind it like it was like that's how his enemies made fun of them and
00:35:20
then that's the like that's the rumor that just spread but he you you're right
00:35:25
he wasn't actually that small well they call him small man syndrome apparently
00:35:28
he was a tinier man so he might have been five six but he wasn't like thick at all skinny so a skinny five six is
00:35:36
small that's quite small that's true yeah yeah you know like Carlos I'll tell you Carlos five six five but
00:35:43
Carlos is like uh cancer skinny right like sick skinny right yeah like something yeah yeah like it's something
00:35:50
happened something happened yeah I didn't even know that stage four something you don't know how skinny you
00:35:54
are you're the skinniest person I've ever met in my [ __ ] life are you serious how much do you weigh
00:35:58
like 1 30. that's the same weight that's me in sixth grade that's right yeah it spreads
00:36:04
130 pounds I'm four four and I'm the same way you weigh the same as a 4-4 man
00:36:09
yeah so obviously so yeah obviously this is a wake-up call well wake up start beefing up buddy okay no you are you've
00:36:17
always been thin since I've known you you've never been you've never even been
00:36:19
like pudgy yeah I think I like I would fluctuate a little bit but no but not like now are you one of those guys that
00:36:26
and you could eat like anything and then the next day like it you never gain weight no I'm actually just super strict
00:36:32
about what I eat he's got a eating disorder okay oh like he doesn't just
00:36:36
say it does he I probably have a small one honestly yeah like you like very constant like you feel like when you eat
00:36:41
something unhealthy when you eat something unhealthy you're like bad Carlos yeah yeah I feel like [ __ ] that's
00:36:46
not good Bobby do you do that what what do you need something unhealthy are you like bad Bobby no yeah no would you just
00:36:53
have to eat for now when we just had dinner we had eggs bacon and oh yeah crepes
00:36:59
Nutella and you had little sausage bits I love little sausages and toast yeah yeah and bread and you had some of Max's
00:37:05
pasta yeah it was good Brad let me ask something yeah number one I have two questions okay number one um six inches
00:37:16
I'm a Believer okay you said you're four four no yeah no oh yeah yeah go on okay
00:37:23
um during when you were growing up like in middle school high school and when this time of year came about right were
00:37:29
you bullied at all in in any way or no teased it wasn't this time of year it
00:37:34
was any time all year yeah you were yeah all year like what would be something that really scarred you oh geez uh uh
00:37:42
well like what but see here's the thing is I was always and it's kind of why I'm
00:37:47
a halfway decent comedian is that I would literally write jokes at home and like I would write comebacks so like
00:37:55
when kids would make fun of me I would like I would literally like do research on them and like write jokes about him
00:38:01
and then when they made fun of me like I would make fun of them and then I would
00:38:04
have the better joke you were made to roast yeah yeah yeah yeah so like there's I mean it's it's a story one of
00:38:10
my specials but it's true there was when I went to kindergarten my dad had kind
00:38:13
of told me that this was going to happen so like we wrote jokes together and this
00:38:18
kid like ran up to be in kindergarten when like haha you're little and I just
00:38:21
said haha your mom doesn't live with your dad anymore oh I love it because you can go there yeah and then yeah go
00:38:28
for the jugular I love it I grew up in Orange County so I had about a 75 chance of giving that right so yeah I did and
00:38:35
then the kid cried and I got sent to the principal's office because I had the
00:38:37
better joke wow yeah that's what's funny you get sent to the principal office
00:38:40
when you have the better Joe yeah it's not it's not who shot first no it's who
00:38:44
she was like oh who shot the kill yeah and I shot the kill and then yeah and then the principal actually called my
00:38:50
dad at work and then my dad answered and then he said like well did my son start
00:38:55
it or did he finish it and then the Pres then the principal goes well he finished
00:38:59
it and my dad goes well I got no problem with that click oh it was good dad you know what I love about it is that you
00:39:05
use your your defense mechanisms and survival techniques and you turned it into a career yeah that's [ __ ]
00:39:12
amazing it's kind of cool yeah it's cool man yeah yeah kind of like been training
00:39:15
to be a comedian since day one yeah draftking Sportsbook oh I love betting they're an official sports betting
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Place a five dollar bet on any NFL team to win their game he's gonna go with
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restrictions apply seed show notes for details displayed oh my God displayed is a
00:40:19
one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions and I gotta tell you they sent us a bunch of these
00:40:25
and these are so cool they're nice and heavy and durable which is beautiful remember as a kid you would have posters
00:40:30
yeah and they would always rip apart and fall apart and stuff I wish I had this look at in the back you just put these
00:40:37
beautiful wall and yeah it's a magnet and you just push it on the walls easy
00:40:41
and look at how nice this is It's never gonna get bent or crusted up but the
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corners never gonna get all cut up they sent us a bunch of these Bobby medley wanted this one um and I gotta tell you
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they have both branded and artistic artwork they have over a million designs available for everybody they got Marvel
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DC Star Wars NASA uh all sorts of stuff on their games and movies you can find anything that you're looking for on this
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plate right now especially our stuff each product is highly quality design printed on metal in Europe
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and signed by them their master of production wow right on the back there it's signed you can see right there
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they're also eco-friendly Andrew for every design so they are planting one tree whoa Leo would like that I think
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that's awesome and right now display is having the biggest discount ever one to
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two disc plates 20 off three or more disc plates 30 off use the link in the description this discount is applied
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automatically at the checkout or go to display.com bad friends that's d-i-s-p-l-a-t-e.com slash bad friends
00:41:41
use the code bad friends at the checkout displayed collect your passions what is Williams are you Irish uh it's
00:41:50
like I'm a hodgepodge of a bunch of different things like Dutch Welch by the
00:41:54
way hodgepodge is a great new name for little people yeah that Gaggle hodgepodge is over there the cackle
00:42:00
what is a group what is a group of dwarves called oh minions right insane we'll never not bring it back but
00:42:09
I can't do better than that joke that's pretty good what's a group of five
00:42:12
what's a group of redhead it's called oh you're called a knot of dwarves a knot a
00:42:16
knot okay I know that doesn't I don't like that oh you time together if they
00:42:20
get out of control [Laughter] and then what do you call a group of redheads escapes it's a slip knot
00:42:29
okay what's a group of redheads Brad a technical term for the fetish of redheads is rudophilia oh that's a
00:42:38
fetish a ginger fetus oh yeah so but there goes a bunch of Rudy's is there an
00:42:41
Asian fetish is that even a real [ __ ] question it's called the internet the Asian male
00:42:46
fetish it's called the internet no women no uh Asian women are fetishized but not
00:42:51
Asian men well because you guys aren't you guys aren't at the thing you know
00:42:53
what about the thing what's it called a large group of Asian people [Laughter]
00:43:06
it's not a sushi motivation yeah well you know that it does make sense because
00:43:11
you guys are all layered on top of each other when you're together a noodle of
00:43:13
Asians like a pride of lines or a litter kittens I love how it gives you practical user I
00:43:19
couldn't take a photo of that statue because there was a noodle evasions all
00:43:21
around it it's insane that somebody wrote that on the internet the internet is so [ __ ] insane you know what's
00:43:27
offensive to that about it is is that you know Rice and Noodles are always associated with Asians but there's so
00:43:34
many cultures that use those things not as good as you guys yeah what do you mean but you can do it the best yeah we
00:43:40
do Rice the best uh yes I agree yes yes oh so you've been to like a restaurant
00:43:45
like go to a [ __ ] white person's house if the rice is gonna be [ __ ] it's
00:43:49
gonna be [ __ ] rice right you go to an Asia can your wife make some [ __ ] bomb ass right [ __ ] yeah different story
00:43:54
dude way different you don't know man you go to what noodles though we can't
00:43:57
whites don't do do it that's spaghetti that's different that's not a noodle
00:44:01
Pasta Pasta is a noodle it's pasta are they two different things two different
00:44:05
things what's the difference Italians don't make noodles they make pasta you
00:44:08
guys make noodles right oh so you never go can I get us uh noodles with meatballs
00:44:15
all right you're right like an adult noodles are usually made with flour milled from common wheat pasta is
00:44:21
processed from Durham salmonella semolina which is of course salmonella no no semolina which of course are than
00:44:28
typical flour okay so big you make noodles we make pasta okay Olive Garden right that's their slogan what do you
00:44:37
prefer Brad noodles or pasta noodles [ __ ] yeah man I I would have said pasta eight years ago but then I met my wife
00:44:44
and then she made noodles the right way and I'm just like oh this is way better
00:44:48
pasta for me 100 what do you say Throw Some fur 100 pasta all right you know [ __ ] you guys in a cold winter day I'm
00:44:55
gonna ask the room cold winter day right would you rather have a bowl of spaghetti like we have right now in
00:45:01
Southern California cold winter day 58 degrees Yeah Yeah chilly winter day or would you rather have a nice roll of
00:45:08
ramen I had by the way you're you're relegating it just a spaghetti I had
00:45:13
fettuccine with short rib last night so you can go [ __ ] yourself with that bowl around in fact we actually said do
00:45:20
you want Ramen me and the old lady said do you want Ramen I said what if we get that place that we really love and get
00:45:26
some fettuccine with some short rib and some of that [ __ ] olive bread all right come on I guess what happened
00:45:31
today how about you what happened today when you ripped up when I ripped that bread and I dipped it in Fred's pasta
00:45:35
what'd you say Don't make me say it say it was good so [ __ ] good because I don't
00:45:42
want any bread I ripped the bread in half I dip some of the pasta sauce I put it on his plate you can enjoy both nah
00:45:47
we're Superior pasta over noodles look there's other things that that we can we have udon too
00:45:53
that's a good thing udon's fine not as good ramen over udon what about Far Far
00:45:58
So [ __ ] whoa nobody likes Fun by the way you're getting canceled [ __ ] right
00:46:03
[ __ ] is the same fat fuzz like Pinkberry everybody was like whoa and then like a
00:46:07
year later everyone was like [ __ ] this [ __ ] this stinks fuzz whack there's no
00:46:11
flavor profile glass glass noodles are whack see here's my thing about pho you
00:46:16
can't go get it at a place that has a funny name they all have [ __ ] no you
00:46:20
just gotta go to a place that says [ __ ] yeah if that if that if that's all it
00:46:24
says it's good but if the name of their restaurant is phobulous go [ __ ] yourself
00:46:28
or whatever the hell nah it's not gonna be good the proof in the pudding is that
00:46:32
Pho has not lasted culturally longer than I thought it was going to thought it was going to keep humming along you
00:46:37
don't like crafty names I like crafty names the comedian me in in me likes it yeah but the in my in my
00:46:45
experience the food is better at the place like no we don't have time is that
00:46:49
psychological like this guy you know I mean but let me let me say this okay what do people do to you we've actually
00:46:54
you and I have had this personal conversation for real one people what what's the thing that people do the most
00:46:59
like at a restaurant when you go that bothers you the most that's something they treat you like oh Jesus or what
00:47:04
they say uh uh uh someone always makes the joke uh uh kids menu yeah kids menu they always
00:47:12
make that joke booster seat you said one time yeah oh and then uh your friends make that joke no I'm just like ignoring
00:47:19
people people like people in general that and like once you become known as a comedian one day you'll get there Bobby
00:47:25
one once okay please do um but like once you become known as a comedian people just people when they
00:47:36
meet you just think they could automatically get to that level of okay we're joking with you so like I've had
00:47:41
the thing where like the host of the restaurant recognizes me and then like looks at the group of four and goes so
00:47:47
three and a half oh my God and you're just like you son of a [ __ ] you told me one time a guy said to you
00:47:57
you were getting I think it was outside a Ray's old place and you were getting
00:48:01
in your car and I think that's where it was and a guy said to you you need help
00:48:06
getting in yeah yeah yeah oh no what I get in the car would you ever [ __ ] have the like why would you ever go up
00:48:15
to someone and say that I don't know no you would no you would never help no I
00:48:21
was just thinking about something else sorry that made me laugh say it I can't
00:48:24
say it and I really mean it though go ahead I'm about to say it please dude we
00:48:28
[ __ ] and fight him to Magic Mountain so he can hold our stuff while we're on the
00:48:31
right you know because the wall and stuff like he could be that guy yeah yeah I'm your
00:48:38
own locker you're my life yeah yeah yeah if you guys want to rent a locker you've
00:48:41
never been there on one oh I've been there's like there's four rides I can't
00:48:45
ride because I'm which are the four you can't okay X2 no I can write X2 you can
00:48:50
yeah that's a that's 48 inches it it's the ones that are 52 inch or 54 inch
00:48:56
I'll tell you what's [ __ ] [ __ ] required let me make a statement right
00:48:59
now that I stand by good the fact that you're born with this yeah it is unhelpable all right it is something
00:49:05
that you you cannot control right and they haven't [ __ ] rigged a way to make a seat mechanism so you can ride
00:49:11
the ride as an adult it pisses me off because you get on a [ __ ] airplane you can ask for nine seat belt
00:49:17
extensions something they can help a lot more than you I'm not saying all of them
00:49:21
but they can help that out a lot more than you can but you're just [ __ ] yeah
00:49:25
and the even more [ __ ] up part about it is the type of dwarfism I have my torso is average size yeah so they're
00:49:32
making this judgment based on well if you're 52 like your torso smaller like
00:49:37
because your torso's puny because you're skinny as [ __ ] yeah you don't know he
00:49:42
got slipped right out of a ride yeah yeah he like he can do it but then like most people uh when like I go to the
00:49:50
barber chair or I go to a restaurant they go you need a booster seat and I go no [ __ ] and then I sit down and I'm
00:49:54
just as tall as everybody right because your torso yeah you saw my legs kick out
00:49:58
and you laughed I saw that don't do it again because he's gonna he's gonna keep
00:50:01
looking at it he gotta do it again that wasn't it when you fart does your legs
00:50:06
go up like that imagine imagine when he shits when you [ __ ] on the toilet how fun would that be
00:50:14
every time I [ __ ] I'm just saying I'm gonna stand by what I said I think if they're going to make
00:50:20
exception for people that are overweight and they say well it's a it's a
00:50:23
condition for them Health they can't fight that's you know they can't help it
00:50:26
he's like well then you can't help this disability why isn't there a functioning
00:50:30
thing that makes it so you could ride rides and do all that [ __ ] yeah you do that with your car you show me your car
00:50:36
yeah it's all tricked out the the weird part is when like so I've been to a
00:50:41
public bathroom before where like all the toilets are high but then they have the handicap toilet on the side I'm like
00:50:47
okay cool I'm gonna go to the handicap toilet I didn't realize that the handicapped toilets a lot of the times
00:50:51
are higher yeah but they just have the bars right so now I'm doing like a gymnast routine
00:50:57
back myself up on the toilet [ __ ] I mean yeah the yeah when I get into a hotel shower the amount the
00:51:08
amount of times I've had to like Cirque de mager up the wall to like make the spout actually Point down oh that
00:51:16
must be a thing yeah because not because sometimes I turn in the water and it's
00:51:20
just hit in the back wall and I'm like I got nothing so how do you get up there
00:51:23
you get a chair in there or something I [ __ ] up I've literally called the front desk and had them send somebody up
00:51:28
no and like lower the shower head because I'm like I can't take a shower
00:51:32
[ __ ] you and I don't wanna I Don't Wanna Die Trying to climb up there and then
00:51:38
slip how'd Brad die well the shower wasn't I'm not gonna believe this yeah
00:51:42
but if I read that on Deadline though it's strange you say that I think about
00:51:52
that [ __ ] all the time like there are so many ways for me to die and it's hilarious like
00:51:59
just because I'm a little person yeah like give me example oh they'll type something like yeah the
00:52:12
truck ran over the Mini Cooper like yeah yeah I'm falling off a ladder like a or
00:52:18
or if you died on the 405 your body ends up on the five a little person but yeah it's like there's like unless
00:52:32
it's like old age or of a disease in the bed like like that's the only way it's
00:52:37
not funny if if I die any other way it's fun tell me this has there ever been a
00:52:42
dwarf uh pro athlete I mean come on man what I'm being serious that's crazy okay
00:52:48
there was a guy named scaramontalu I can't spell that what's his name scaramu
00:52:53
is he the guy that uh drew the first uh anatomy of a body Turkish weightlifter see I told you
00:53:01
there was there's one it's a Google dwarf pro athletes because there's got
00:53:06
to be more than one yeah and by the way do you do do most LPS does not like LP anymore is that
00:53:12
gone is it dwarf now what's the preferred little person in LP or like the two like you're you're safe
00:53:20
LPS yeah you're absolutely so dwarf I thought is safe now no yeah like unless
00:53:26
they don't have dwarfism not all of them outdoor yes oh yes Eddie Goodell yes
00:53:29
Eddie Goodell yeah professional baseball player I remember I remember him had one
00:53:33
at bat Yep this is real that's a real photo yeah there's no way yeah yeah yeah
00:53:37
yeah yes yeah played uh had one at bat St Louis Brown's doubleheader 1951 weighing 60
00:53:45
pounds standing three feet seven inches tall just so we can walk away crazy they
00:53:50
brought him into a baseball game so we so we could get away let me tell you zoom into what Lewis Brown's owner Bill
00:53:54
Vex said uh zoom in right there as in wreck said of Goodell he was by golly the best damn [ __ ] that ever played
00:54:00
the big league ball he was he was also the only one I love that he threw it up by golly was it like a Rudy situation
00:54:06
where like let him play one game yeah essentially born in Chicago by the way died in Chicago my man I want Rudy to
00:54:13
try to be a part of the show right now why don't you talk to Brad and ask some
00:54:16
questions and say hi and be honest about because you don't you've only seen them
00:54:20
in the tukdukes or whatever that thing that you're wrong it doesn't have to be
00:54:25
about Brad being important you can just talk to Brad and say hi right so just ask any questions about life be a part
00:54:31
of the show again okay hi Brad hi nice to meet you nice to meet you in person finally it's good so far
00:54:38
um I want to know how you met your wife I'm curious love this I love it about seven years ago I I decided to
00:54:47
take a brief Hiatus from stand-up comedy I got offered a morning radio show in San Francisco California and I had to
00:54:54
move there to do the show so I moved there and uh we're doing the show and me
00:55:00
and two two other people who are now down here in La Uh Kevin Klein and Ali they are now on K-Rock but I was doing a
00:55:07
show with them and uh I didn't know anybody because I had to move to San Francisco and we in order to meet people
00:55:12
we decided to play a game called Tinder or grinder every day I would flip a coin based on
00:55:18
when it lands on I have to go on either a Tinder date or a grinder date it's insane insane it's awesome and that
00:55:24
and that was to meet people first day I flipped the coin it landed on Grindr oh and I made and I made a profile and I'm
00:55:30
this is so great that I'm on this podcast on the story I made a profile and I immediately matched up with a very
00:55:36
large red-headed bearded man who told me to only refer to him as ginger bear we've been friends for seven years I
00:55:45
think it's a [ __ ] coincidence he's ginger bear I'm gummy bear let's do this
00:55:49
[ __ ] so side note if I was on that radio staff yeah I would have waited that coin
00:55:55
so you got the grinder side every [ __ ] time every time go ahead though so you're flipping a coin yeah so I went
00:56:01
on a date with ginger bear it was a great date uh gave me a lot of sympathy for women because I had no sexual
00:56:07
interest in this man whatsoever but at the end of the night I kind of felt like I owed him something
00:56:11
uh give a little tug yeah well you don't make eye contact yeah you just look the
00:56:15
other way that's fine so but the next day we're like all right we're gonna
00:56:18
play Tinder grinder again and then a listener called in and said yeah you guys doing Tinder grinder you you should
00:56:24
try thrinder and we're like what's thrinder and they're like oh that's Tinder for people
00:56:29
trying to have threesomes and I'm like okay I'm in and just so you know I'm not
00:56:35
lying uh Tinder sued them for copyright infringement the app is no longer called
00:56:39
thrinder it's called field f-e-e-l-d you're welcome so I I go on the app I
00:56:45
match with two women we're all gonna go on a date together one of the women does
00:56:49
not show up for whatever reason I went on a date with just the other one and two years after that date I proposed to
00:56:55
that woman because when you find a hot Asian that is into three ways you lock that [ __ ] down so have you ever tried a
00:57:03
threesome yeah that's how we met his [ __ ] wife you think she wants to do it yes yes not every day it's not every
00:57:09
week it's not in every month but every now and then it's great that's cool
00:57:11
that's good yeah with another girl yes whatever I got another guy never a guy
00:57:16
I've been invited over she likes you Andrew I've been invited over you're very cute no but this guy by
00:57:23
the way when when we went bowling uh when we were in that bowling league at the [ __ ] Roosevelt or yeah yeah his
00:57:30
wife came one time and you guys brought a girl right or she was meeting you guys
00:57:33
there or something like that no idea what you're talking about right on right on anyway yeah hey Nicole
00:57:39
yeah they do that's incredible the [ __ ] party animals I love that yeah and and it's a
00:57:46
lot of fun because uh when people and we're very successful when we try to do
00:57:49
that kind of thing because when people see a a hot Asian and a dwarf I mean you're clicking I'm clicking that's
00:57:55
everything on the bucket list like you can't yeah it literally it's three for
00:57:59
three it's you have a dwarf you have an Asian woman and it's a threesome it's
00:58:03
the three things that people are looking for yeah I want to [ __ ] two other people
00:58:05
one's got one could be a dwarf would be neat yeah an Asian woman yeah it's it's
00:58:11
great it's funny when I walk in Grand Slam some porn I always sometimes every
00:58:14
once in a while I'll experiment and I'll look up Asia I'm not Asian um
00:58:20
dwarf man right and whenever I can find a dwarf man with you know just one guy jerking off
00:58:27
making love to a woman okay right so something about it I just it really does it for me what do you think it is I
00:58:33
think maybe I relate to the dwarf man I don't know what it is you see yourself I
00:58:37
think I see myself in them but I like that be back to Rudy go ahead so yeah that's how I met my wife okay next
00:58:42
question so good at this I don't know I'm doing good I'm serious you do great the first question was a
00:58:50
banger yeah you're good um don't be shy whatever comes whatever comes to mind yeah whatever yeah yeah
00:58:57
yeah there's no limit There's No No Holds Barred no wrong answers have you
00:59:02
tried go a dating app that that's only for little people that's a good question that's a
00:59:13
good question good question I have not tried it but there is one what's it called what's it called hold on hold on
00:59:18
hold on let's go give us a chance chance in there fumble [Laughter] oh my God
00:59:43
Bobby I take back every bad thing I've ever said about you that was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my
00:59:47
life oh my [ __ ] God if fumble if that's not a publicly traded company soon
00:59:55
fumble is so good Bob that's so great wow fumble yeah that that is right that is right up
01:00:02
there okay you know um Bobby do you ever do the uh did you ever do the Opie and Anthony show yeah okay a million times
01:00:10
Anthony one time I was on the show yeah and they asked me if any dwarves get mad
01:00:17
at me because I do stand up and I say the word [ __ ] and stuff like that yeah and Anthony stops and goes yeah does
01:00:23
anyone call you an Uncle Tom Thumb that's really you're right up there with
01:00:29
thumble yeah that's that's right there that's great Bobby you still say the m
01:00:35
word yeah but I but what did I say all I say all of it I say dwarf short stature
01:00:40
LP little person but I thought dwarf is okay yeah m is not okay m is not okay for a lot for a lot of people I would
01:00:46
say most don't like you to say m yeah but see for me it's all about the context and how you're using it because
01:00:52
and I told the story on Marin so I apologize if you're hearing it for a second time but when I I did a show in
01:00:58
Odessa Texas and there was a there's a Heckler and we had to kick him out and
01:01:04
at the at the end of the night Show's done uh I'm walking to the car with this
01:01:09
with this other comedian and we see that these we see these lights turn on in its
01:01:13
truck and oh my God they start driving towards us and some guy leans out the window and just yells out kill the dwarf
01:01:21
he said kill the dwarf Jesus Jesus so I wasn't like oh thank you for using the
01:01:27
proper term all right Rudy go ahead more questions for Brad um I know you've got him lined up okay
01:01:34
do you poo every day I don't know wait how do you think we got these things in here
01:01:58
Reese's Pieces pieces yeah what the [ __ ] do you think these things came from the North Pole
01:02:03
you [ __ ] idiot think about the question right she equates size with three years
01:02:09
every day yeah so you think that the food goes to the body no okay because I don't poop every
01:02:19
day you would think that he would poop more often yeah because there's a shorter way that's why I'm asking yeah
01:02:25
no but that's not what you're asking you were asking as if like do they poo every
01:02:28
other day no just him because I don't go every day yeah so do you poo every day
01:02:34
yeah or you would have asked how many times a day do you poo right so I don't think that was the
01:02:39
question anyway let her it's right okay that's her question let her dig out of this so I'll
01:02:45
ask it again whatever you want well yes uh uh so to answer your question yes I have a bowel
01:02:52
movement every day and thank God and I don't even know if they're a sponsor of this show if not they should
01:02:59
sponsor me just in general so my tour should be sponsored by these people Squatty Potty oh right right yeah love
01:03:06
me a Squatty Potty it's a Squatty Potty what do you mean basically the show basically if your legs are on the toilet
01:03:12
yeah your legs are on that little thing we used to we did they used to sponsor the show it's what this Apple box is but
01:03:17
while you're shooting oh wow and it's designed to clean this oh yeah they used
01:03:21
to sponsor our show yeah yeah I remember yeah yeah it's an amazing product yeah that's
01:03:26
great I love it and please sponsor my tours it uh it straightens out your intestines you know they say your
01:03:33
intestines if you re if you unravel them would wrap around the earth multiple times
01:03:36
do you know that what my own intestines would wrap around the earth yeah multiple I think it's
01:03:42
twice or something like that yeah insane do you ever see uh that's not true look
01:03:46
Google it right now prove that I'm right a one human being will travel around the
01:03:50
world your intestines can wrap around the earth if they're when they're Unwound if a veins oh it's maybe it's
01:03:54
maybe it's vascular it's something that can wrap around the [ __ ] Earth I
01:03:57
forget what it is uh your blood vessels can stretch around the earth twice two times your blood vessels there's so many
01:04:02
blood veins that's insane no no it says it cannot stretch down twice your blood
01:04:06
vessels can stretch around the earth twice Brad's construction on a basketball twice
01:04:13
stop it it's not even funny all right go one more question come on make it count
01:04:17
and yeah Make It Count do you count I don't know I don't know do you poo every
01:04:21
day my it might have been one of the best ones let's try one more you know she's got another one rattling around
01:04:27
that brainer hers so much Creative Energy um you ever looked at his orphan okay okay
01:04:36
have you met Peter Dinklage ah uh we call him King dwarf uh he rules uh I I have not met him he he refuses to go to
01:04:48
the meetings uh bastard uh he tried to take the dwarves out of the new Snow White movie
01:04:53
did he really really yeah well that was the thing he said on Marin that he was like oh they're they're
01:04:59
redoing they're they're doing a live action Snow White and uh and they they
01:05:04
like made Snow White Latina which is great makes sense and then they had a snow Brown yeah and then uh he said like
01:05:12
yeah but they're still having they're they're they're they're trying to make
01:05:15
this woke Snow White but they're still having the dwarves in it you know what
01:05:19
made me mad what see that doesn't make any sense the dwarves are people why wouldn't they still be in it it was just
01:05:24
about a girl and her friends yeah so this [ __ ] like dwarves yeah we'll be made into a live actionable Disney said
01:05:30
Tuesday it was Consulting with members of the dwarfism Community well who are these members yeah were they at the
01:05:34
meeting where's like do do we have you got to be in that movie where's the
01:05:38
dwarf house are you sleepy which one are you I just want to see the dwarf Al Sharpton if you don't get in that
01:05:45
[ __ ] movie we're gonna protest yeah yeah you're in the how many are there
01:06:03
you wouldn't be grumpy or sleepy no Dopey you'd be either Dopey or what's
01:06:08
the other one come on go over all right happy sleepy dokie happy you could be sneezing Sneezy no I don't
01:06:17
like that a few more doc yeah doc you could be Doc you could be Doc you could be dog okay Doc and of course Bobby will
01:06:24
be the Huntsman yeah let me be the magic mirror a month ago I got an audition oh
01:06:30
two months ago I got an audition for Time Bandits they're redoing time damn yeah Time Bandits and it was doing it is
01:06:36
um anyway um and I said no you said no yeah because they may wanted me to read for oh the
01:06:44
dwarf part yeah but they're not using dwarf parts now son of a [ __ ] that suck
01:06:48
yeah they're they're like those are the Time Bandits yeah well because I well
01:06:53
taika's doing it yeah that's right you said that yeah tiger is doing it and um
01:06:57
I go I there's no way I can't oh tiger ytt yeah yeah yeah they're well and this
01:07:02
is real I was in an audition right right before the lockdown happened uh back when we still did in-person auditions
01:07:09
and I think I did okay for the part and then they looked at me and said just so just so you know so you don't get your
01:07:15
hopes up we're really looking for a minority hire well and I just looked at him like yeah
01:07:21
yeah because it wasn't a dwarf part yeah it was just a part you got and then
01:07:25
they're like a guy yeah I'm like yeah there you go uh I'm the only one that
01:07:30
still has a separate drinking fountain yay so would you consider he would can be considerable what comes out of those
01:07:38
Kool-Aid what comes out of yours frosting how many dwarfs are there in the world
01:07:43
by the way let me see the world population dwarf world population yeah how many dwarfs do you think stop before
01:07:48
he ghouls how many dwarves do you think are in the world well because I think you might that you're right I'm doing
01:07:52
quick math it's one in every 36 000. one in every 36 000 yeah then there's you
01:07:57
know eight billion people I can't do that math in my head uh let let's go
01:08:02
with uh 800 000 little people can I ask you a side note aside from this [ __ ] we were talking about little people why
01:08:08
does Adam Ray not like me Adam really loves you I was not invited to his wedding well yeah you were I was
01:08:15
you were yeah but why would you a 651 000 Brad you're pretty close wow well yeah because I sensed it that's
01:08:24
pretty good right you guys know where you are how many redheaded people are there in the world 651 000 the entire
01:08:29
country of Ireland how many redheaded people in the world that population I bet there's only like a million I mean
01:08:33
it's not that many more than you what does it say one to two percent of the human
01:08:39
population okay so that's that's more than six hundred thousand yeah 70 million 70 million 70 240 well that's a
01:08:47
big gap that's the problem because they don't [ __ ] know yeah because they
01:08:50
don't because most of us stay in hiding a lot of us don't come out your stuff in your stockings too okay so
01:08:58
let's well we will uh come over here okay that's fine did you guys get Brad of stocking as a
01:09:05
guest where's my where's the stocking yeah oh oh [ __ ] I'd even okay thank you so for a
01:09:13
for Andrew oh wow look at this Andrew on the North Pole Express look at this sweet book that I got what did you
01:09:26
get Bob what is that what is that buddy is that a butt plug what is that what the [ __ ]
01:09:30
is this it's cold somebody get coal in their stocking because they were a bad boy this year oh
01:09:36
Bobby was bad can I read you this don't keep doing it Bobby don't keep putting
01:09:42
your hand in there Andrew sees a present rep neatly with a bow the label has a name and the wrapping seems to Glow the
01:09:47
present is for me Christ Andrew with the biggest grin Andrew opens it to look inside and suddenly Falls in Andrew's in
01:09:53
the frosty Woods looking at Blue Skies to find a world inside a box such a big surprise the signpost on the trail shows
01:09:59
which way to go Santa's house Andrew says and all then runs through the sparkly snow Andrew spots a village and
01:10:05
a family up ahead Andrew grasps and can't believe they're made of gingerbread the daddy smells Andrew you
01:10:11
want to see Santa's house I guess you'll get there so much quicker on the North
01:10:14
Pole Express now get in my van and I've got some treats take off your clothes
01:10:20
let me warm your feet put them in between my comfy butt cheeks Now give me a kiss
01:10:27
off we go sit on my lap it's now your seat what is this a Jeffrey Epstein Christmas what what is
01:10:36
this it's a Christmas book uh from Target on Sunset kiss me little Andrew kiss me right here
01:10:43
don't bother if it cries that's not actually a tear wow what is this I mean this was at the
01:10:52
checkout aisle you'll be okay just keep your mouth closed open of course right now and now take
01:11:00
off those clothes chugga chugga choo choo in your poo poo did I say that no oh it's made all that
01:11:11
[ __ ] up lyrics he's made all that [ __ ] up but also chugga chugga choo choo in
01:11:16
your poop by the way uh bro so good for all for all the fans of the show when Andrew starts reading the book
01:11:26
I isolate the clip no no no when Audrey starts reading the book he's pissed off
01:11:30
and just look at Bobby and someone put the song hello doctor it's my old friend
01:11:35
uh Bobby got that and he's upset about it so Bobby say goodbye properly to our
01:11:39
guest and say thank you thank you Brad thanks for being here well to be honest with him not being real I really want no
01:11:45
okay let's go real sorry um I um I've always loved you I think you're
01:11:53
a beast and I think that um you know it was a real surprise I knew you were coming today it was a blessing
01:12:00
Merry Christmas to you it's a Christmas miracle it's your Christmas miracle
01:12:03
happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays happy Hanukkah Kanye and then um Kyrie and thank you for being a bad friend thank
01:12:10
you for being a bad friend let's have uh Rudy say it and then Brad say it thank you for being a bad friend
01:12:17
perfect [Music] yeah laughs [Music]