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hey bad friends we're gonna be in Durham then we're going to be in Charlotte and then we're doing our Texas run which is
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San Antonio Houston Texas Dallas and Dallas Texas once we're done with Texas
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we're going to the Pacific Northwest for Seattle and Portland and Spokane then we go to Arizona baby Phoenix go get those
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tickets right now at badfriendspod.com right now bad Friends Pop badfriendspod.com right now um we'll see
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you out on the road who are these two years
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[Music] or something we're bad friends but
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you've heard of the Moon what's the Moonies yeah what what are the movies I don't know what the Moonies are tell us
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The Honeymooners The Honeymooners
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no you don't know what the Moonies are no the show The Honeymooners I know with The Honeymooners it's a good show but
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you know what my favorite one the black one The Jeffersons no the honey The
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Honeymooners with Cedric Cedric the Entertainer they did the black Honeymooners no they did I swear to God
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they did wait when years ago that's my favorite one with Mike Epps Mike Epps Cedric and who
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who else is on who are the girls wow yeah oh we're watching this on the bus we
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have to watch us on the bus we have to buy this on DVD and get another bus I thought already I saw it in 3D
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yeah to the Moon Alice Alice yeah her name was an avatar I stayed in theater all
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day that's it yeah just honey but the Moonies were um is a Korean Christian called let me see the Moonies the Korean
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Christian the leader has a crown on that's made out of bullets I mean I'm in Moon is the man look at
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this guy look at this guy a crown of bullets there's no bullets there Bobby what are you talking about was this a fever dream he looks like a Burger King
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yeah he does yeah you know dude I think it's a fever dream can you imagine if he got all this
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confidence while he was working at a Burger King I can rule the people
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and they're like listen here Moon you just rule the grill okay you're not ruling anybody yeah that hat looks like
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it's made out of paper yeah it does it's a paper crown yeah boy oh boy is that a metaphor how for a religion a paper
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crown who yeah but anyway huge in America as well and that's um did you
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any did you know any mooners no but I tried to burn down the Korean Church
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hell yeah dude did I tell you about that that's always a good thing me and my cousin me and my cousin Andy right when
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this is you know this is gonna sound like a lie but it's not okay and we um so we went to this Korean Church growing
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up and um they one day my uncle caught me and Andy
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opening up the trunk of our my mom's car and my dad had a gas you know spare gas
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in there I was having it and a lighter and we're gonna burn down half of the [ __ ] shirts why would you do that we
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hated it with nobody in it though I think so yeah oh my God I think so
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yeah we were kids it's at the same time where I beat my grandmother with the stick oh yeah kid stuff yeah burn the
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church beat the old lady kid stuff well she was paralyzed from McDonald's that's right yeah I mean what kind of
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stuff did you guys get into as kids I guess now that I think about it we got in trouble for spray paint we got caught for like
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graffiti yeah but that why would that wasn't burning down we didn't actually do it I think we were scared but we had
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it I don't know you thought about you went through the action of getting the the K the gasoline though yeah that's a
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big step well it's not as bad as like you know shooting up a place it's true hey look at me right that's
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right so yeah just look at the bright side that's a bright side what did you do you weren't a bad kid no I would have
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friends like Bobby that it'd be like so scared come on we'll just burn the church down
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and be like please don't make me do it but here's why well here's why it's not that bad it's yours it's your own
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religion you weren't gonna burn like it wasn't a hate crime because it's your own it's like you wanted to burn down
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the thing that you were connected to because you were mad about it but not just that I was mad at the at the idea
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that you know Korean parents view their children as trophies right so you know
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you would hear like at a party uh my my daughter
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right she's getting harbored by somebody no she's going to happen
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she's going to Chabad Harvard Iran Harvard oh Harvard yeah
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I'm so sorry I thought you were saying I'll do it again and I'll try to make it more go ahead uh my my daughter
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she's going to Harvard
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does that feel better that sounds great exactly yeah and then my dad would be like they would
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imagine a conversation if they did that yeah yeah
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she's gonna go through Dartmouth it's like a movie dub but they like
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didn't have enough money yeah we only have enough money for Harvard
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so then what they show each other off and the kids are trophies and my parents never do a consolation price what you
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were at consolation prize yeah they would they would no I mean I think some Korean people thought I was dead because
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you didn't get that was never talked about what about Steve he because he got straight A's he did oh yeah my brother
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was my brother had Bible passages on his wall my my brother's room I swear to God
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look like John Doe's room in seven yeah like a Red Cross
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I just like it was weird he was fully he was fully in Christianity and then what
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happens my brother lost state my brother was ranked like four in the
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nation wow as a wrestler wow and he went to State and I remember he just dropped the ball and I remember him it just he
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had there was so much expectation and pressure and he couldn't do it I mean he
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was a great wrestler and I could that day I remember seeing a switch in his eye and then just became a pothead good
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switch Yeah it's a pretty good switch yeah yeah did you so you didn't damage anything as a little kid um I remember being late like when we
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had a curfew you know time out you remember being late well it was bad
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because my mom was like be home at this time and I think it became like a habit like I just kept oh how late like hours like I would just disregard
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any rules you're a bad bad girl Wednesday night midnight you come home no maybe like seven or eight but I was
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in like fourth grade third or fourth grade what who are you what were you doing in third grade
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riding my bike with my friend oh hell yeah we weren't doing nothing bad but I remember when I stopped because I came
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home and my mom and sister set up the Christmas tree without me oh wow was that the that was the payback that's how
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I would get punished it was like uh with guilt yeah did your parents ever give you the talk like what to do if like a
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van pulls up two van guys
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hey what's going on hey can you help us with this couch like lifting it don't
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bring it into the she's like nine yeah what's she gonna do with this couch
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because she's gonna lift it and put it in there you want some candy that's the that's the original one you ever saw
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Silence of the land all right let's start over
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hey you want some candy yeah we know your dad you want some candy it's no sugar
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[Laughter]
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you want it but you know my dad I know your dad yeah cliff
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that's not his name that's his nickname it is yeah oh you guys must know him better than me yeah anyway
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come in the van all right all right all right all right you would have done that
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no no yeah yeah no but I remember one time we had this Lake by my house and I was hanging out with my friend there
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Miranda she was bad influence and we were probably breaking the curfew and this guy was fishing in the lake which I
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now that I look back is weird because I grew up in Tempe Arizona there's no fishing like there's no fish in the
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Tempe Town Lake no Suburban yeah it's disgusting but he like gave me a frozen fish
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what and I brought it home to my mom she was like we're not eating that oh really you can't you know this is a you can't
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raise your kids in in Phoenix it's just you just can't you can't they I mean
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lovely that you turned out so wonderful but man we either turn out like completely right wing yeah or Doug
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Stanhope yeah or her or that she's like she's like uh you're like our Doug Stanhope you're what's it what's a
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female you're like Debbie Stanhope you're like Debbie I remember when we moved from the suburbs I mean from the city to the suburbs
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and I'll never forget they were like finishing up a plate like a window that
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go that was above our front door like a little window above our front door you know and the kids I'm trying to visualize slow down yeah say it again
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there was a window above our front door right that like oh I see so it's like let me look I'm looking at the door yeah
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and then I look up yeah there's a what there's a little like is it like um it's it's big it's a good sized window it's a
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and but for birds to people for birds to look in the house and a couple of kids
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in the neighborhood threw a big rock through it and shattered it before we moved in like before we were even out
00:09:30
there and then we went to visit the house because the contractor was like kids broken and did a bunch of damage to the house wow and I remember I remember
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being inside the living room and being so mad because I was like
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I do this stuff you don't do this to me uh like I was a little [ __ ] I was
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like oh this is like the universe paying me back for being a little troublemaker I was like ah I'm gonna find out who did
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this I'm gonna kill those kids yeah I'm not kidding I was so mad because I was like they broke into my mom and dad's
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new house because this was our first house like we would lived in an apartment until then oh in the city in the city yeah and then I was like they
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[ __ ] up my mom's first house like oh she bought it well my my mom and my stepdad did but I was like this is the
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first time she lived in a home did you invest yeah yeah I invested I think I put in like I need another details 30 or
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40 yeah dogs yeah and uh and I remember trying to find out who
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did it and then I found out who did it it was in the neighborhood let me guess I guess his name
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starts with a B oh but Bartholomew that's right right that's a name right
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Bartholomew Bartholomew J Simpson yeah good he did it and then the guys that I found out
00:10:42
that did that I became friends of course you did of course they were
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the kids that got caught graffitiing with it was like as soon as I found out I was like you guys threw a rock through my mom's window and they were like yeah
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we're just [ __ ] around I was like cool yeah it was such a puss I thought I was gonna
00:11:00
like fight these kids but then I was like I kind of like their Vibe yeah and they were like skateboarding and they were smoking and I was like I gotta hang
00:11:06
out with you were you angry kid or no I mean I think I always harbored a little bit of like uh
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a little bit of anger I mean the fact that like it was a single mom for a while then she met my stepdad who was great did you like him at first or no no
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I loved him he was the man from the beginning yeah I I thought he was so cool he played basketball I love basketball you know what I mean he he
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was like he was a cool dude and was so cool to my mom so I loved him immediately because my dad wasn't around
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so I was kind of I probably was upset a therapist would tell you I'm upset from my dad not being around but I was also
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bummed because when we moved to the suburbs it was a weird thing it was like a yeah it just like shocked your core where you're like I don't like this I
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don't know anybody I would sit around I hated that like I just didn't know you you it's hard to go out and make friends
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when you're a little kid when you're the new kid and doesn't know I didn't know anything about I didn't like it yeah I
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just didn't get it it's funny I there's a documentary called it was a book too it's called meet me in the bathroom we
00:12:00
and we've talked about it I talked about it with um JF last night you have you heard of it meet me in the bathroom no
00:12:05
no it's about um the um late 90s early 2000s music scene in
00:12:10
New York okay right and the stroke is INTERPOL TV on the radio all these bands
00:12:16
from Brooklyn Brooklyn and Manhattan and back then it's like they were just like all like just creative and crazy and on
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subways you know what I mean and just you know just acting young and going young and fun and I just I always knew
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that like when I grew up in the suburbs I go this is not the environment for me well yeah yeah no because because when I
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look at those kids I'm like no that's what I would you know yeah I'll be doing that yeah you wanted to be a troubled
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teen living in this expression and like you know I mean being like with like-minded people yeah I was with like
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Christians and you know I mean and like weirdos I know Christians are great by the way I love them but Korean
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Christians though moons moons are tough no but I just remember feeling like just
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bummed out and I just didn't like it and then my freshman year of high school my this kid James tickle was the first kid
00:13:05
that I became friends with because he skated and he was good and he had a ramp in his but he had a little little quarter pipe in his basement yeah a
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little mini no yeah mini in his basement and we did it we don't go down there and skate oh you're skater yeah it was yeah
00:13:17
when I was young wow did you like Bones Brigade and all that stuff I did I was like I loved I think like my favorite
00:13:23
teams for the longest time I always thought I always thought girl was awesome girls
00:13:28
are great yeah you know like Austin the girl chocolate crew I like those two I'm more Baker zero yeah yeah I like Toy
00:13:37
Machine I like Templeton I like those guys I thought they were cool yeah I I just honestly I never knew you knew
00:13:43
anything about skateboarding yeah yeah that I think that's a you know a commonality we have that is Tommy
00:13:49
Guerrero once was um in the or I mean Eric um Kevin Christie we went bananas yeah
00:13:56
because he was a big skate fan yeah yeah we went bananas like it was like Tom Cruise walking in or whatever that's
00:14:02
your Tom Cruise he's my Tom Cruise do you like his teeth Tom Cruise yeah
00:14:08
does he have new teeth no I just he's shooting a movie in space right now but he just bothering me I don't know what
00:14:13
it is are they too long he fixed them he fixed them yeah I don't remember when
00:14:20
he was a kid oh like 1981. you know when you join Scientology they give you new
00:14:25
teeth they do yeah they give you new teeth that was just that that that image on the left is fake that's a I'm
00:14:31
doctored his teeth are doctored for that role not what his teeth look like oh okay yeah no he had normal teeth I think
00:14:37
he just got braces they look like my teeth let me see your teeth look great yo great Keith I gotta
00:14:44
get good ortized dude I like your teeth I have so many chips and chunks and my teeth are so messed up I like it though
00:14:50
why didn't you get them fixed I I kind of don't give a [ __ ] yeah like have you ever leave her huh yeah yeah it's like a
00:14:56
vampire yeah yeah have you ever seen uh look at look at Will Ferrell's uh teeth you want to see fun teeth his bottom
00:15:03
teeth I always notice because you know your bottom teeth start to grow together yeah yeah look at look at those boxes
00:15:09
wow I love that dude Rocky Mountain High
00:15:14
is that the Appalachians whoa dude I've always noticed that he didn't do anything to the bottom teeth so mine are
00:15:19
gonna get that way well at least you know what dude at least at least bleach them no I think I think
00:15:25
let him go who cares yeah let me ask you something it's so funny he's so he's so cool and funny that it
00:15:32
doesn't matter it doesn't matter um no but but I do think I do want to get him done I do want to get something
00:15:37
done I've gone a few times I need to get him like I need to get certain ones fixed out because I have chips and all
00:15:43
my teeth over the years my chips look good though they're like a character trait I know but it looks bad on camera
00:15:50
who is that Anthony Davis Anthony Davis yeah before when he was a rookie yeah he
00:15:55
got him fixed though right of course yeah that's nuts but his eyebrow remains yes you got to keep you you got to keep
00:16:01
the unibrow oh yeah branding there's something about unibrows that for some reason it's like when you're a kid you
00:16:07
make fun of it and then you see it with an adult and you're like I kind of like it I don't know why interesting the Frida
00:16:14
Kahlo of it all I like it it's something cool it's like such his face yeah it looks cool I used
00:16:20
to shave between my eyebrows with a razor really when I was a kid mine would grow
00:16:26
in pretty heavily yeah yeah and which is funny because it doesn't grow in at all anymore like I pluck it sometimes you know like but rarely yeah but when I was
00:16:33
like in high school and my my the puberty was like at full mass and I was growing tons of facial hair I would have
00:16:40
to sh I would use a razor to shave in between my unibrow because I didn't know about plucking I was embarrassed to ask
00:16:45
my mom or dad about it so I would get a face razor and my mom was like why do
00:16:51
you want new face razors you don't even shape you don't even shave your face I'm like yes I do I trim it up
00:16:58
really yeah I used to stay between my eyes yeah those are those things when you're a kid like no one tells you so you're
00:17:04
not gonna ask anybody yet you're so self-conscious it's like I I was like Mom can I get Cavalry cheese
00:17:14
and then one day they just we were at Nordstrom's and she bought it and I was yeah because I just begged and begged
00:17:21
and I wore them for a year and I just never wore them again Nordstrom was nice your mom took you to Nordstrom you know
00:17:27
the break dancing pants oh yeah did you buy those no uh well you didn't break dance I did yeah yeah I did but I had to
00:17:33
use Adidas track pants we didn't have it like you dog yeah we
00:17:39
didn't go to [ __ ] Nordstrom's we went to we went to like Marshalls yeah Marshalls was like that's good no it's
00:17:45
not that was terrible oh we'd go to like uh what was the other one JCPenney no what was there's one more like with a K
00:17:50
like cold not Kohl's but there was another one I feel like there was one more that I can't remember the name of we'd go to Nordstrom something but my
00:17:56
mom would go to Nordstrom's when I know she needed something nice and if she went to Bloomingdale's downtown Chicago
00:18:02
I was like what that's she's I mean that's like would she buying a Ferrari in my mind I was like
00:18:08
Bloomingdale when she had the little brown bag yeah I was like whoa my mom bought something real nice from the store did you do um um before school
00:18:16
started you know at the end of summer did you go school shopping for clothes yeah we did my parents we did but I
00:18:22
would use it but see I didn't go to department stores much uh because I didn't like the clothes I wanted to go to like
00:18:28
uh a skate store or I would go to I'd go to like one store and buy all the stuff uh I wasn't good at I'm still to this
00:18:34
day I told you that story I went to I went to the I took out money because I was like I need jeans this is like two years ago and I was like you got to buy
00:18:41
new jeans dude you just gotta go get new jeans and I took out a thousand dollars cash or something like that I don't
00:18:46
remember how much I had I took out a bunch of cash and I was like you gotta just go get a couple pieces of clothing and I walked into the store and I saw
00:18:52
someone that I knew personally and I turned around and left really I immediately got in my car and
00:18:59
went home yeah I don't like why it just gives me a lot of anxiety so you don't go to you don't like going to the
00:19:04
dressing at the dressing room or whatever and do try things on that makes me so they come out from the mirror I always do like posts I know I really do
00:19:11
I do it like this this is one you know you know I do this I think because I kind of like I have this like I hate
00:19:17
myself a little bit when I shop because I don't want to I don't like you know if I'm I don't like the way my body feels
00:19:22
that day uh so I'm like a chick I'll like get in the mirror and be like [ __ ] these [ __ ] clothes [ __ ] this [ __ ] [ __ ] and I'll just leave I'll get
00:19:29
mad about it you're like an old school dad though I just have insecurities about clothes I don't like it I never
00:19:34
like so I don't like going to shopping it's not my thing it does I do not like to go to a store and be like I want this
00:19:41
and this and why'd you get the hat and what the [ __ ] happened what do you mean it's just a t-shirt from kith I ordered
00:19:46
it on the internet oh you did yeah and this cat was also bought online oh wow that's interesting to me I can't go into
00:19:51
a store I don't like going to stores and shopping it bothers me so I don't know what it is but it gives me like an uneasy feeling in my chat that's with
00:19:58
all like if you buy spoons [Laughter] drive me nuts what size am I getting to
00:20:06
what shape too big too small I don't know if these are going to be fit in the slot I'm being 100 serious are you being real this stuff like that drives me
00:20:12
crazy oh I love shopping for Spoons well you're a Spoonman I'm the spoon
00:20:20
doordash you know Andrew and I travel a lot a lot and you know sometimes we're
00:20:25
at in a town and we need food or groceries and whatnot doordash is the number one delivery system here it's
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coffee creamer doordash grocery delivery now you can get what you want oh right now what do you need this convenience of
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getting what you want right to your door is incredible doordash grocery uh it saves all this hassle of getting in your car when you're in the middle of doing
00:20:49
10 other things and you have to go to the store and wait in line no thank you they will get it for you get exactly
00:20:55
what you want I get cat litter you do yeah yeah you do get for my cats for me for you just to roll around yeah and
00:21:00
that's not that big of a deal I actually just door dashed last week I did door Dash grocery delivery and I got myself
00:21:06
some veggies because I had the meat but I didn't have no veggies and I was like I don't want to go to the vegetable aisle I just get on doordash grocery
00:21:12
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order with doordash bespoke you guys the best gift to give anyone is a box of
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Awesome from bespoke Posts that's right one of my favorite things about getting a box of Awesome from bespoke post every month is how it sneaks up on you you
00:21:55
forget that it's coming and in one day boom on your front door you get the best box you'll open all my filled with carefully chosen gear from the best
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small Brands around the world let's see what I got this month this is called the drift and in the drift I'm very excited
00:22:07
look at this got myself a looming light bulb flicker free sleep love it amazing the best part about these boxes they
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surprise you it's it's like it's a Christmas every single day it's a joy and Hawkins Rumble facial scrub which
00:22:18
you and I both need because we're gonna break out on the bus tour my face is so uh yeah I need Scrubs also Hawkins and brimble send some daily energizing
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moisturizer the best part is seriously these are all small Brands it's curated and how you do this is you go to box of
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awesome.com you take this quiz your answer is going to help them pick the best box of awesome for you they release new boxes every single month across a
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ton of different categories and each box is valued around 70 bucks you're gonna pay a fraction gravity razor like if
00:22:42
you're in the food too I like the carnivore the American barbecue rub in the carnivore box is made by the Great
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00:23:07
and enter the code bad friends at checkout box of awesome.com enter the code bad friends today the only way I
00:23:12
like shopping uh is for somebody else uh I'm not playing I'm not I know that sounds like oh but no really like if I
00:23:19
have to buy her something love it because because then it's like I don't feel guilty about the money because it's
00:23:24
not for me and then also it's like I get to know that someone else gets is gonna enjoy it
00:23:30
you know what I mean for me it's my worry of the money why am I spending this money because I've always had that
00:23:36
because of my [ __ ] parents and then I'm like I don't need it it's a suit it's an insecurity I've always had I
00:23:42
don't know why but if if I had to buy you like a five thousand dollar gift I wouldn't even think twice about it I
00:23:48
literally would be like okay I'll buy it for Bob yeah because I just I've always had that weird thing in my mind where I'm like you don't deserve that you
00:23:54
don't need that but if it's for someone else I wouldn't even think twice about it yeah you know that that game you
00:23:59
playing Christmas where like everyone buys one thing you put in the big in the middle of the room a white elephant yeah white elephant yeah and they always say
00:24:05
well you know it's only a hundred dollar minimum oh yeah right I always buy a thousand do you know why because I want
00:24:11
somebody to go like who got me this [ __ ] computer yeah right and I'm like I don't know who would buy a MacBook Pro
00:24:18
with two terabytes with the new M2 Chip you are invited to our uh this year's
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way though yeah yeah I love it and then you walk out of there with a new set of spoons no thanks no thank you are you like that
00:24:30
with stuff with shopping and stuff I love shopping you love it what do you love I like clothes I like clothes
00:24:36
Sunday and like especially clothes store on stage like but I feel like you like vintage stuff right don't you like
00:24:42
throwback [ __ ] thrift shopping yeah thrift shopping yeah and like independent like like I like going on Melrose because they're smaller Melrose
00:24:49
is all independent right that's all from stuff downtown so it's like cool stuff it's not like you know a bunch of
00:24:54
mass-produced like of the same shirt oh yeah like No One's Gonna have the thing that you're wearing yeah almost like
00:25:00
thrift store you like thrift stores yeah me too we should do a thing where we all pick a name out of a hat and we have to buy the person we picks outfit for the
00:25:06
day oh that's fun this is a game that people do on Tick Tock have you seen this where the a boyfriend and a girlfriend for the date for the night
00:25:12
well they'll go to Salvation Army or they'll go to a thrift store and they'll go to like the pants and the shirts and
00:25:18
there's something in the something and then they'll close their eyes and they run their hands down the line of their size like in the large or whatever and
00:25:24
and they close their eyes and the other person says stop and then they have to wear that shirt for the night and then they have to wear those pants okay let's
00:25:31
do that so we'll have to do that for one of the Cities we also have to do this we have to go to an old school Mall in the Midwest and go to some weird photography
00:25:37
studio and like go dress like from the 80s 100 we have to do that I'm so down on a day
00:25:44
off well no I think we should everybody does old school let's dress like we're from the Future Let's wear [ __ ] that doesn't exist but no we go to the thrift
00:25:50
store and pick up stuff that we think is going to be in the future I'm down let's do that I miss Maul so much me too did
00:25:57
you guys hang out in malls when you were a kid or no yeah when the Chandler Fashion oh that Fashion Mall when that
00:26:02
opened up yeah and we had UTC you know what UTC is you ever see Ferris now if you're uh do
00:26:09
you ever see um with Sean Penn oh Fast Times Fast Times at Ridgemont High it was based on that mall we had
00:26:16
that in San Diego UTC yeah that's like the mall there was the mall it's in La Jolla and then we had North County Fair
00:26:22
whoa it was the best back up and now we used to drop acid I'm just I you know when people drop acid they go let's go
00:26:28
into the nature not me I want to go to the mall oh my God that's like a nightmare that's what I like that's crazy yeah I like it's like everything's
00:26:35
Hellraiser everything yeah the spike guy yeah it's the best welcome to Pacific
00:26:41
somewhere can I help you yeah Spencer's Gifts went
00:26:47
off yeah you're a nature guy then when I do drugs like 100 hallucinogenic put me
00:26:52
to the sea put me by the water Put Me by Put Me by like uh mountain ranges I
00:26:59
don't I don't want to be near a bunch of humans when I'm on drugs no [ __ ] way dude I like it I want to ingest the
00:27:05
Earth because I'm taking the Earth in my body I want to see the Earth and feel it while I'm tripping I Love Actually one
00:27:11
time though me and my buddy Tyler mushrooms and went to a haunted house because we were like let's see how
00:27:16
[ __ ] up we could get and we were in line for this haunted house and we started tripping balls and the whole
00:27:23
time like I almost wanted to hold his hand I was freaking the [ __ ] out just in line to get in this because it was a haunted house in the middle of like corn
00:27:29
fields in like rural Illinois whoa oh it was so dope they turned like an old farmhouse into it they do this all the
00:27:35
time because Illinois once you get way way out you go two hours out it's [ __ ] nothingness you know yeah so we
00:27:41
drove out there and we ate the mushrooms on the way and tried to time it perfectly which we did and by the time we got there we're waiting in line and I
00:27:47
was having a full [ __ ] panic attack because I heard the noises coming from inside and then also people's
00:27:53
conversations it was like flowing over me through me so it sounded like a lot
00:27:58
of like the screams were behind me in line while I was waiting and these two chicks were in line with us and had been
00:28:04
you know somewhere in the same similar age range they seem maybe a little older than us and they were like are you guys scared and Tyler was like we're on
00:28:11
shrooms yeah this chick was like oh cool walk
00:28:16
with us we're scared and at first I was like I don't want to
00:28:21
be near other people I don't want to be near other people but she like held on to us like the girls would grab onto us
00:28:26
while we were walking into the house and it like like centered the [ __ ] out of me and for some reason I felt like I I was
00:28:33
so tripping I was like I'm her protector I have to be strong right you became a knight a knight a high night yeah so I
00:28:41
was ripped out of my head and I was holding her clothes and I was trying like every time something would jump out I would like Flinch a little bit and
00:28:47
then get real tight get out of here yeah I was so ripped wow and then after
00:28:52
the at the end of it I thought okay we made it through this thing like we made it through the haunted house I was like
00:28:57
these chicks are going to want to hang out with us and they're like later and they just got in their car and [ __ ] off and then we had to wait until we
00:29:03
calmed down to be able to drive home because I was still lit up so we had to like go to like the snack shop nearby
00:29:09
and just sit into the store huh is that an actual restaurant no it was like a little like a little like a little cafe
00:29:15
was next to it for like hot chocolate snack shop snack shop okay yeah uh it was no it was called snatch shop it was
00:29:21
a big vagina outside I don't know yeah and you had to hit the clip to get it yeah I love it and we just sat there and
00:29:26
watched people coming out of the haunted house for like an hour so we could like cool our high down before we drove home because I was ripped he was like can you
00:29:32
drive I'm like no dude no no things are moving yeah I couldn't do it we gotta go
00:29:38
to Hell House what is Hell House you know hell house right no no Hell House it's a it's a haunted um house I love
00:29:45
haunted houses in Texas run by Christians oh say no more and then you go to a room and it's like a woman like
00:29:52
getting an abortion whoa no and then a demon in back of them like someone will
00:29:57
play the devil and at the end of the [ __ ] haunted house you go in the room and they try to convert you there was a
00:30:04
documentary called Hell House is this just church what do you mean this is just church yeah but it's like there's
00:30:09
murder and there's scenes going on
00:30:17
yeah how close are we to Sugar Hill on our trip Cedar Hill Cedar Hill yeah but it's not it's not in October they only
00:30:23
do it in October oh they only do it it's a haunted house for Halloween oh for church yeah for church and people go and
00:30:30
it's like um well I guess it's worth the trip so we'll have to oh it's outside of Dallas yeah oh we gotta go yeah yeah
00:30:35
we'll be ready they still do it uh it says I mean I think it's Halloween only because it's so permanently closed dude
00:30:41
there should be around the year uh haunted house don't we think there should be haunted houses year round there should be at least one I mean
00:30:46
[ __ ] Halloween Town in Burbank stays open all year you could just wander into Walmart that's 100
00:30:52
If We Had A Haunted House we'd kill one person a year so you have that fear oh
00:30:58
yeah right if you kill one person a year if we had a haunted house people would be like dude we could die
00:31:04
died we're all from San Diego in this
00:31:10
scenario yeah well we could die the one from San Diego Ramon Feliz [ __ ] got
00:31:15
decapitated dude yeah dude this is [ __ ] awesome because I know I've never I've been on the 50 times
00:31:21
through this I never [ __ ] died dude never died yeah dude yeah I did so you know why is everybody from San Diego sound like that why does everybody sound
00:31:28
like that yeah who's from San Diego
00:31:35
[ __ ] satido dude [ __ ] it uh you [ __ ] are you just get you get a case
00:31:40
naughty light we can [ __ ] get lit up dude yeah that's exactly what he sounded like yeah or you go to a beach and you
00:31:46
in San Diego you can't go in the water because the locals the [ __ ] you up yeah my brother and I had boogie boards once
00:31:53
and we're at Wind and Sea super dude locals only you're like I am local no
00:31:58
you're from where are you from man Poway that's not local you have to be on that street whoa
00:32:04
oh they would [ __ ] you up that's awesome no it's not what do you mean that's awesome yes they do maybe yeah they do locals
00:32:12
only a dog yeah you would be that way you would 100 be that way if you lived in that part you would absolutely be
00:32:18
like locals only [ __ ] you would uh you would 100 be the guy that fought people that came into the local zones yeah we
00:32:24
all said yes everyone nodded off you're absolutely that guy you're 100 that guy that's true because it when I grew up
00:32:30
Inland oak tree and no one was allowed the people would look at the Oaks
00:32:37
locals only did like some kid would come up and be like I'm I'm from I'm from Playa and you're
00:32:43
like get the [ __ ] out of here yeah yeah trees there and fire bro right like I was very territorial over
00:32:51
that tree what did you guys have in high school that was like like we had we had the Enchanted Forest was like a little Forest like deep behind the high school
00:32:57
where people would like do drugs or get into fights or hook up and all that stuff do you guys have like a forest or a meet-up spot like that
00:33:03
no you didn't where did you go friends yeah yeah no I mean I was so it's such a
00:33:10
nerdy answer but it was just like the Arts Building no I know Denny's Denny's oh Denny's right ours was Taco Bell
00:33:17
really yeah everyone has like a restaurant or well we would go to Grandma's grandmas was an old restaurant
00:33:22
like an old Diner yeah oh my god oh we did a Burrito Express to be expressed
00:33:27
yeah my friend Jensen 16 years old we were actually talking about Jensen carp no just you said Jensen the other Jensen
00:33:33
room he was my best one of my best okay and roof um he great talented guy is he
00:33:38
dead no He's Alive where's he at La they'll call him up
00:33:44
he's mad at me why he's been mad at me for years what did you do because I won't call him back
00:33:50
interesting the reason why I won't call him back is because when I the last time I hooked up with him he still plays that game
00:33:56
and I don't like it don't say hooked up with him yeah that's not the right verbiage the last time I hung out with him oh yeah guys don't usually say hook
00:34:02
up with other guys we [ __ ] oh be more clear about it no um he does
00:34:09
this thing where like he'll touch me and run away how old is this man like he did that three years ago so how old is the man
00:34:16
now my age and he just touches you and leaves he giggles and then I have to touch him back he's playing tag it's
00:34:22
like whoever gets the last touch wins yeah so we're just running around a restaurant yeah and it's like I remember
00:34:28
the last time we did I was like I can't do this anymore no he's talented 47 years old running
00:34:34
around a restaurant right you can't use you can't use a table separate us we're arguing that way you
00:34:40
know what I mean and I just realized like I just I can't we did that as kids we still play the [ __ ] game why not
00:34:46
though we talked the other day about wanting to be more kitty-like you want to be like a kid and have fun and stop being so you know adult so let's do it
00:34:53
well maybe if it's more violent I would do it like tag with guns no no no no you're it no
00:34:59
no the ass or something all right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I like that anyway when I was 16 Jensen we were at the
00:35:05
Denny's local Denny's and he saw a girl there uh Andrea okay
00:35:10
yeah mm-hmm and he goes she's hot and I go well introduce me when I'm into introduce himself they're still married
00:35:17
to this day no way yeah it's beautiful that's gorgeous yeah so he has Asperger's though for real no yeah he
00:35:23
does what is Asperger he likes what what's asperger's is a burger made
00:35:28
out of ass yeah it's a form of autism I know I've heard of it yeah I saw the show
00:35:34
you don't have old friends you grew up with like still do [ __ ] like brings up stories from when you were 14.
00:35:40
remember [ __ ] Andrew dude and he [ __ ] got his nut sack [ __ ] tied up in that [ __ ] branch
00:35:46
first of all love that story oh yeah remember that day you did that dude yeah yeah what do you mean when I connect with people that I grew up with we talk
00:35:52
about the times that we had together when we were younger that's what everybody does when you get older
00:35:57
That's Not Unusual there's one store there they always go remember to drink pee to me well that's because your
00:36:03
stories are hard to hear what I mean well because you have a lot of stories where it's like that like remember you know no that remember we all put stuff
00:36:09
in your butt and you cried all the way home and it was jellyfish jellyfish you know I was
00:36:16
in Hawaii at 16 and at jellyfish markings on my body yeah right and they
00:36:22
go you pee you have to let other people pee on you well I didn't know I drank it
00:36:27
[Laughter] you have to put it on the skin yeah yeah
00:36:32
but I went behind a tree I don't want anyone and I took a sip of it and I came back and I saw everyone putting it on
00:36:38
their body like you have to put on your body do you drink your own pee or somebody well yeah yeah yeah and then
00:36:44
they're like ah you're idiot you drink the pee and I'm like you've got to be specific you do though that's right that's actually their fault
00:36:50
yeah like you know Ben Gay for instance right on the Bengay things it doesn't say you don't put it on genitals they
00:36:57
should put that on there do you put it on your genitals have you tried it no it hurts so bad it doesn't seem like it
00:37:03
belongs there I know I tried it because isn't Ben Gay for your butt no banking for muscles yeah what's that guy for
00:37:10
your butt Preparation H that right that one's foreign
00:37:28
I'm down to do it everyone has to put it on each other then put it on yourself God damn it yeah
00:37:34
so anyway I don't like old stories well I don't understand it's a connection to your Youth and to your history but guys
00:37:40
sometimes guys do it every time you they see you I know because remember dude your stories are funny and embarrassing so they're funny to talk about let's
00:37:47
move on I understand yeah I drink to pee you know
00:37:53
what's so funny dude it's so funny that you didn't do it you didn't ask anybody you drank the P I got jellyfish pee
00:38:01
that's all they said urine dude your own urine really yeah I'm not doing it for you I went behind a tree you know what
00:38:06
honestly I'm on your team on this thank you so much here's why why because if some if you're like jellyfishing the world P it's got to be pee in your mind
00:38:12
you wouldn't go well I should piss on myself right how do you do that right you would never think that you're gonna well they gave me a cup
00:38:18
oh well then that was probably a tell that that do you drink it that you drink it yeah I see where your brain was
00:38:25
thinking that they give you a cup one of those red plastic yeah Solo Cup yeah and I pee and I'm like you think two years
00:38:31
ago I was like you get her solo cup and someone says Pete you either think we're playing a weird game of beer pong yeah
00:38:37
or I'm gonna drink my own piss yeah so I get it can I ask you another question about pee yeah
00:38:42
I'm being real and then we'll move on we can move on from it I'm saying we'll maybe I shouldn't even ask let's get
00:38:47
this one out of the way okay yeah why just why are you so uncomfortable about it no no I just
00:38:53
think uh pee pee poo poo we can get we'll have to get through at some point oh I mean we only talked about it for
00:38:59
two minutes yeah okay you know what I'm gonna save it for later no I want it right now okay really because because
00:39:04
when you pee it's all the same sorry like when you pee every time it's
00:39:09
like yellow and warm that's right right yeah but you drink all kinds of liquids it's interesting is it not that it comes
00:39:16
out like that one way right yeah yeah well the darker the Pea the worse it is it means you're more dehydrated no I
00:39:21
heard that there's more vitamins in your system but it depends it depends if you're flush with vitamins then it could
00:39:27
be a a brighter yellow I see but you're not if your personal Bobby Lee not humans if
00:39:34
your pee is coming out really dark yellow bad bad news okay yeah tell me if that happens
00:39:39
oh yeah what is that every time well it's dark okay and murky you know what
00:39:45
it reminds me of the water on Yoda's Planet [Laughter]
00:39:52
system let's look up the water on Yoda's Planet yeah that's what it looks like yeah
00:39:57
drink that water yeah yeah drink some water how many how much water do you drink during the day
00:40:04
honestly sometimes never during the day sometimes you'd never have a sip of of H2O
00:40:10
let's start let's do that now let's start doing that yeah that's good what does it do though it keeps you alive okay yeah it's the little funny man it's
00:40:18
the only thing fancy don't laugh at him General recommendations National Academy of Medicine suggests an adequate intake
00:40:24
of daily fluids about 13 cups and nine cups for healthy men and women 13 cups is repulsive that's so much
00:40:30
water 13 cups of water you seem to be drinking it all day you're supposed to be drinking it all day long but you can
00:40:37
live without it how long can you live without water it's only like three days three or four days three days and then your muscles atrophy and they drain
00:40:43
themselves and then you die yeah three days the body needs a lot of water to carry out essential functions
00:40:48
so three days dude okay you learned something new every day yeah something I think you'd know by now is
00:40:55
51. but sometimes I haven't gone around to it but I gotta tell you if you've lasted this long without drinking water
00:41:00
like there was a guy on one of those My Strange Addiction or whatever who only drank coke and never drank water but
00:41:07
isn't that a form of water water is in there yeah yeah but it's not a healthy amount you know it's there's a person
00:41:13
that only drank coke and so if I was on some sort of deserted [ __ ] planet and I only had Diet Coke exerted island or
00:41:20
planet planet so there's Diet Coke in outer space there's a vendor God Bless yeah yeah there's one of those machines
00:41:27
yeah there's just a Diet Coke machine that's just getting filled there's only also there needs to be a coin machine next to it can you imagine aliens are
00:41:33
like we have to give them Diet Coke but like if you're and and there's oxygen on this planet but it's deserted could you
00:41:39
not survive off of that as a liquid or no no well okay let's see growing by the
00:41:44
engine suggested diet soda consumption correlates with an increased risk of a wide range of medical conditions heart conditions heart attack high blood
00:41:50
pressure metabolic issues including diabetes obesity brain conditions dementia and stroke good okay I would
00:41:55
love a Diet Coke right now by the way yeah okay you're good I'm never gonna forget again no this is just in moderation it just means if you drink it
00:42:02
all the time let's move on this is no pumpy
00:42:08
[Laughter] how long do you think you could last in on a deserted island I keep watching
00:42:14
that nature show how long do you really think you could last genuinely on a deserted island a deserted island or a
00:42:19
forest no no no that's actually a very good question
00:42:25
yeah how about how about what kind of island is it how about this on a deserted part of the world right where
00:42:31
um where there is things to forage like there are there are berries because if you go to Canada and some of their
00:42:37
islands are like you know Big Trees they're way up North okay so how long would I survive yeah with the knowledge
00:42:44
I have now right now I think two weeks two weeks yeah that's really long that's a long time well I
00:42:51
know how to do water dude how what do you mean how what do
00:42:56
you mean I know how to do water I know how to make water how do you make water well you go to a river right and then
00:43:02
you dig a little hole next to the river the soil filters out all the bad stuff
00:43:07
and you drink the water from the hole that you made oh what I didn't know that that's true it's partially true it
00:43:13
doesn't mean it's not going to be it's not it doesn't mean bacteria can't because I don't have it like it'll be cleaner than if it's yeah but I I I
00:43:20
don't I don't know how to make a fire do you well I mean I know I know hypothetically
00:43:25
how to make a fire yeah I do too hypothetically but if I'm if I have no tools I'm on an island right I'm like I
00:43:33
I don't know what a flint looks like well I mean you could get anything up north it's very damp yeah I know the
00:43:40
damn very difficult yeah so it's like for me I'd be like no I would have to do that and I would try to eat like acorns
00:43:46
well you that's that you definitely can't eat why it's a nut I I know but how are you
00:43:52
going to get the acorn before they fall to the ground you're not gonna climb a tree fall from the tree like apples do uh but acorns you're not going to eat
00:43:59
acorns toxic to humans oh [ __ ] well then forget that forget the acorns one day berries
00:44:06
that would be berries yeah berries that's better but you wouldn't kill an animal I would try at the weekend yeah
00:44:12
but there's no way because even professionals have a hard time doing it they do yeah I agree so probably two weeks you know what I would do I'd know
00:44:19
how to get an animal by the way in the wild I would get on all fours and Spread spread my butt cheeks yeah and I would
00:44:25
do noises to try to get it I'm coming up
00:44:33
right right and then what do you do stab from behind imagine you think that you're
00:44:39
gonna catch an animal by doing a mating call and it comes up and starts having sex with you but you love it so much that you can't kill it
00:44:48
enter and you clinch your butthole so they're stuck yeah yeah yeah and they're trying to get away and
00:44:55
I don't know how what I would have well you'd fly yeah you'd have to use it well you'd have to use a jiu jitsu technique for sure all right this arm bar the bear
00:45:01
I'll call uh um with Eddie uh what's his name who Joe Rogan's got Eddie um Eddie
00:45:07
Bravo Eddie Bravo yeah yeah do I have a cell phone I have one cell phone yeah the bear has a phone yeah oh the
00:45:13
paradise yeah oh yeah it's T-Mobile yeah so it slips out of his pocket they have
00:45:19
pouches like kangaroos yeah sure yeah all right so I I grab it Eddie I think I
00:45:24
would call Eddie before the Coast Guard you gotta call him first yeah yeah yeah so here's the deal this is the situation
00:45:31
I I'm in yeah and now you've asked me for many many years to take her class I apologize for that my bad now help me
00:45:37
not help me yeah so I have a black bear right inserted
00:45:43
inside my anus an African-American bear yeah oh so my that's on my bad yeah
00:45:49
careful yeah yeah yeah I have an African-American right and it's like African-American Bears lives matter
00:45:57
I would say that just for the Optics of it well you should yeah yeah because they do right he's about to come
00:46:03
right but I've clinched it because you know Eddie I have a very tight ball no I don't I know that bro
00:46:09
yeah you know that right and so what do I do do I do do I try to grab his head and do a roll yeah I mean I mean what
00:46:17
what's your suggestion I think uh let him finish and then take him out for a meal
00:46:24
on like a in a in a Wilderness situation I'm not sure because I don't know a lot
00:46:31
of survival techniques but I think I have a high threshold for pain and I'm like one I could become like one with
00:46:38
nature pretty easy all right let's test the threshold can we can we fight you yeah I think we should do a bus fight
00:46:44
you wanna do bus boxing but you guys it's got to be like each person can call
00:46:49
it at any time in the trip yeah so you just yell boss fight boss fight boss fight could be two third two three in
00:46:56
the morning bus fight you gotta wake you up and you gotta fight yeah we'll [ __ ] you up man I'd love to I know he does
00:47:02
fight me all the time I always [ __ ] you up man I really want to see you guys fight no I would never hurt her I could
00:47:08
take both of you on at once I don't think you could I'd [ __ ] both of you guys up so bad
00:47:13
at the same time 100 there's no [ __ ] I would beat the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of you he'd get his nine iron no weapons at all
00:47:20
bare-handed these are my [ __ ] weapons yeah dude you against me and you doesn't matter whatever you guys try to concoct
00:47:26
I'll [ __ ] kill you you have no idea dude about my legs dude you little roly-poly I'll Eat You Alive no I have
00:47:32
dude a couple of [ __ ] these sandwiches to your [ __ ] stupid little face you're gone dude you're [ __ ] up
00:47:38
out cold I have Hrs herpes no
00:47:43
hit it [Laughter]
00:47:48
hidden
00:47:58
it's just RS you have just RS it's not hidden not even a little bit it's not hidden no
00:48:06
because you would focus on her I would sneak up behind you put you in a rear naked choke hold the naked part you love
00:48:11
the most yeah I don't like that it's called that they're you're not naked when you do it yeah do what the rear
00:48:17
naked choke just call it a rear choke hold yeah why isn't to be called naked I know this episode's gonna come out much later did you watch the fights yesterday
00:48:23
no this speech was [ __ ] awesome he grabbed the mic from from Rogan and look I'm not a big uh UFC guy I I don't
00:48:32
really watch it but on Tick Tock this speech was like going viral he's giving
00:48:37
himself props for being the [ __ ] but also because he didn't think Jesus yeah
00:48:43
he did oh he did he said I'm blessed to be able to do this again and again again a blessing is saying I'm thanking the
00:48:48
universe or something okay he's appreciating the world but the way he's saying it he's saying look at what I did but take from this that you can do
00:48:55
something yeah if you but you have to [ __ ] do it you gotta stop saying I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I thought that
00:49:02
was so great I watched that like four or five times this morning in bed being like what a great [ __ ] message because he's not saying become a fighter
00:49:09
he's not saying do he's saying get out of your own [ __ ] way do the thing so you can feel this feeling of of of joy
00:49:17
and happiness at least once in your life yeah it's it's great inspiration dude it's
00:49:22
for me I'm dumb kinda yes what I'm agreed by the past what it wasn't
00:49:29
when I say that people no you have your say it again start again I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm dumb yes you are yes
00:49:37
you are buddy um I really you know I'm lazy you know that yeah yeah um I procrastinate yes
00:49:43
yeah the only thing that I've done right in my whole entire life this podcast
00:49:49
this podcast but it but this um it
00:49:54
stand up you know walking through the fear of going on stage and doing that
00:49:59
repeatedly is the only thing that I did right and it gave me such a big and
00:50:05
beautiful life right so it's like I mean I just love that speech it's the same thing right like you know we we have
00:50:11
that one thing where I was like I'm gonna try this scary thing and um that's all I've done and it worked it
00:50:18
worked oh it's working it's working and you know anyone out there it's like I know it's scary no it is you know what I
00:50:23
mean and it's like oh well only this amount of people make it or whatever you can't think that way just do whatever
00:50:29
you think you need to do you have to do it you have to do it yeah right juice that's how I felt after Vancouver that
00:50:34
is how you felt that moment of Happiness yeah and you're gonna feel it again and again and again let's go to Juicy's
00:50:40
Corner real fast and uh welcome back to Juicy's Corner we want to throw it to juice because she wants
00:50:45
to tell us something pretty important whenever you're ready so you go ahead thank you for being a bad friend no not
00:50:53
yet not yet we're not done I don't know the shortcut yeah she's trying to get
00:50:59
out of it huh I don't know what you're talking well no is that I know what you're he's talking about it's that inspiring because when we're in
00:51:04
Vancouver backstage you gave me that five minute inspirational talk about life and about you know I mean
00:51:11
connections do your let's hear your style Bender talk yeah I want to see yours because the fans the fans at home
00:51:16
want to know how did you get from 10K to 100K they think how did she do it let's give her a different sport though what
00:51:22
sport would it be rugby sure yeah you're you're a professional rugby player yes
00:51:27
you are for the you know um Los Feliz chip knocks the Chipmunks have been pretty good the last couple of years you
00:51:33
used to have season tickets yeah yeah didn't you into the chip Ducks I always uh sold them on seat geek though okay so your rugby team chip nut Captain right
00:51:41
and you're in the men's league wow yeah yeah controversy you just won the [ __ ] what controversial yeah yeah
00:51:47
I love it you just won the East LA provisional Championship two teams in it you and Echo Park yeah but you still
00:51:55
beat him right and there's like eight people in this you know audience but they're like they love it what sport is
00:52:01
it rugby rugby rugby yeah eight people in the crowd two of them are blind so I'm the I'm the I'm the Rogan you know I
00:52:07
mean guy yeah you grab the mic you know what I mean yeah hey let me just take this real quick will you give it back I
00:52:13
got the mic now shut up Hey listen I can't believe where I am at Los Feliz I
00:52:21
just won the rugby championship and I just want you guys to know that if you work hard and you meet somebody uh more
00:52:28
famous than you in the rugby Division and they will build your following 10 times and they will give you a platform
00:52:34
to shine and if you just practice your rugby skills and you get that platform
00:52:40
golf
00:52:46
no this is a rub that's a role people do that when they in rugby when you score everyone goes
00:52:51
yeah it's part of the celebration is it Cricket no it's just a part of the celebration yeah okay it's like saying
00:52:57
yes that's what it is I think I would know
00:53:02
yeah you would know don't ever question her again dude I'm sorry man don't ever
00:53:07
question her again Morgan and Morgan you guys I was just in a car accident a couple of months ago
00:53:12
luckily I wasn't her but if I was her I would have called Morgan Morgan do you know why they're the best in the world that's right in 2020 there's over 5
00:53:19
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00:53:24
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00:53:30
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information go to forthepeople.com bad friends or dial pound law pound five two nine from your cell phone that's Four f
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o r the people.com bad friends or pound law pound 529 from your cell this is a paid advertisement I will not go
00:54:18
downtown L.A anymore [ __ ] it [ __ ] it I'm tired of people being like it's getting better no it's not the last time I was
00:54:24
[ __ ] down there uh we were downtown and the riots were going on the protests and the riots you know and I pull into a
00:54:31
parking lot I'm going to do a comedy show and I pull into a parking lot and some black woman's like raise waving her
00:54:37
arms at me and I'm like oh am I not am I in there she's dancing she was just dancing no and then she's like this
00:54:43
she's like going like this and I was like what the [ __ ] is going on here's the roof that's what she's she was racing and I rolled down the window and
00:54:49
I was like I was like oh is are we not supposed to park in this lot because I was going to a show and she goes no man you know you got no
00:54:55
business being down here you better get the [ __ ] out of here now and I was like for real she's like don't you know what
00:55:00
the [ __ ] is going on I was like I'm going to perform at a show and she's like get the [ __ ] up out of here and I was like okay I took the advice and you
00:55:07
left yeah I didn't do the show you called the guy that hooked it and said yeah I said I'm not doing the show I'm not doing the [ __ ] because I she was
00:55:14
probably giving me a warning shot like dude [ __ ] up your car no they'll probably you'll get out of that car they're gonna kick your [ __ ] windows
00:55:20
in they'll go oh we saw some white red-headed you know some [ __ ] lollipop head ass [ __ ] get out
00:55:26
of this car and they would have busted up my [ __ ] because it was the wrong time wrong place so I was like [ __ ] this we're going home you do have that huge
00:55:33
Confederate flag in your window too I took it down it's on the hood Old Faithful what do you want me to do
00:55:39
dude what'd you go do with the Robert Elise uh little thing in front of your car the statue a little statue yeah oh
00:55:46
it's a bobble head it's on my front it sounds like yeah okay and in my horn it doesn't Hawk
00:55:51
but you still have the speakers and you're doing the Turner Diaries from it yeah oh that's cool I love your car
00:55:58
black people beware beware beware yeah no yeah yeah I have the speakers on the
00:56:03
roof it's great but yeah that was probably a dead giveaway for her uh uh to get me out of there it was actually
00:56:09
very nice I was very thankful I was like okay thanks I'm out [ __ ] this I'm not staying for that if there is a civil war
00:56:14
if there is a civil war you think we'll win again I'm going to Canada I'll tell you that really I'm not fighting in that
00:56:21
[ __ ] I'm not gonna fight I watch even you can't watch it they're gonna make you join they're gonna make you pick up a gun and join the the Civil War
00:56:28
if we have another civil war in America you gotta they're gonna make you fight everyone's gonna have to fight where
00:56:35
what would be my position sniper yeah it's probably a ninja
00:56:43
you share the gun yeah wow so I would have to fight you 100
00:56:48
would have to fight can I be in the back though like the last wave no they put you in first yeah me and the minority
00:56:53
shortest up front no it goes by height it's not skin color oh really well because it's like it's nice yeah because
00:56:59
it used to shape up 100 yeah and also the tall guys need to see the enemy and you would need to see them too you need
00:57:05
to be in front of the tall man yeah so you're up there bud but I would run like this you know what you know what I'm doing hmm bicycling
00:57:11
this is what I'm running like this you know what what I'm doing right there's a guy in front of me and my head's dark
00:57:18
and he's my shield
00:57:27
and then once in a while come on let's go all right
00:57:33
yeah what would you do in the Civil War what do you what side are you going to be on
00:57:38
first of all well this side I'm gonna be on you know they're gonna make me fight yeah you're gonna have to fight because
00:57:43
women are equal yeah they are now yeah you guys asked for all this I cannot wait till that breaks out yeah and women
00:57:49
are like do you guys want us to sew again and do that stuff and you're like no no no you want to be equal to you
00:57:54
gotta [ __ ] pick up a gat and you gotta get imagine that me uh Jesse Natasha legere
00:58:03
everyone that's short yeah who else is it Brad Williams you Brad Williams yeah yeah and we're just like we would lose
00:58:09
yeah oh that's right yeah yeah going to Vancouver dude
00:58:17
come on man wait up y'all ridiculous man wait no way but you know if we had a civil war
00:58:24
though it's like we have new members what are you talking about yeah what do you mean well I mean you know doing the
00:58:29
MS-13 what fight for us gang members yeah no no no you think they're more what leading what what do you mean what
00:58:37
what do you mean what what well finish what they're leaning what you think they're leaning right you think the South will get them no no first of all
00:58:43
it won't be divided north and south east west it's East West I knew that there was a new one right US versus New York
00:58:51
yeah oh for [ __ ] we're [ __ ] is Chicago east or west east they're East yeah who
00:58:57
do we get Boise [ __ ] I think we get Boise I think we get Albuquerque oh
00:59:03
Mexicans yeah but they're going they'll go back they wouldn't stick around yeah who else
00:59:10
do we have is Austin south or uh I mean East or West Texas is not going to be
00:59:15
included they're going to be their own little thing oh it's a four they're building a wall right now around Texas
00:59:20
to the United States not just Mexico they're building it all the way wow because they don't want to be with us at all wow they [ __ ] [ __ ] us they don't
00:59:27
like us but imagine if there was a north south east west War like a four-way Civil War like a bracket yeah
00:59:33
like I think we would lose the West Coast I don't know we got a shitload of
00:59:38
people we have a lot of people oh that's true but we have they're all like you know I mean techies and stuff liberals yeah but but but we will get a lot of
00:59:45
tech War we'll win Tech War right [ __ ] yeah dude we'll set that [ __ ] down right she got down your shut down your machine
00:59:52
we have Nanobots do we not have Nanos and Twitter no we don't Elon lives in Texas now yeah Twitter is theirs too
00:59:58
yeah Twitter's theirs also [ __ ] Twitter by the way every time I go on it now it sucks it's all a bunch of promoted ads I
01:00:05
don't even see people that I follow anymore I've opened it up a few times the last couple days and I shut it down immediately because I'm like I don't
01:00:11
follow any of these people I'm just getting pushed promoted ads promoted accounts I don't literally don't see who
01:00:16
I've I don't see anybody anymore so [ __ ] Twitter [ __ ] Twitter I'm out of it well I haven't been on Twitter it's still
01:00:23
stolen yeah yours well you've been selling MacBooks yeah yeah the amount of people that say they bought a Macbook
01:00:29
from your fake account I know scares me I know I think because those people get to vote yeah you're like you drive a car
01:00:35
and have a job and a family you bought a Macbook from a comedian you didn't see that that was obviously a hacked account yeah that scares me that scares me I
01:00:42
want a piece of it I mean it is my account well you did I mean you sold I think you saw like 95 MacBooks
01:00:50
you should get a piece I just reach out to the guy somehow and just like look dude you [ __ ] me over and I have it back yeah you should deserve it back
01:00:56
yeah you haven't had it in how many months almost a year it's crazy I'm not even kidding or maybe he can you can get
01:01:03
every other post yeah oh like share it it'll be like what TIG does doesn't TIG
01:01:08
do that with her Twitter she gives her Twitter up to other people I love her I can't believe that never backfired I thought for sure that would be be
01:01:14
hackable then because she would give it up to so many people yeah I thought some hacker would be able to like Loop in and steal it that's all right but it's never
01:01:21
been a problem but she just gives it out you know this right no she gives her Twitter account to people to do like a
01:01:26
residency for like a month what still yeah I don't know yeah I have no idea but she used to for years she did it for
01:01:32
years and years would you give me your Twitter account I'm so [ __ ] lutely not you turn into a Mac store
01:01:38
it's a nightmare yeah what part of hate group are you a part of
01:01:45
I I don't all right let's say let's start a hey group against people that show their
01:01:51
beliefs outwardly what kind of hate group could we we three start for real let's start a hey group of our own what
01:01:57
do we hate collectively like an animal what animal do you hate let's choose an animal that people love and we hate it
01:02:04
yes okay well what what do people love that dolphins dude [ __ ] them I'm not kidding yeah hate
01:02:10
them hate them hate them yeah cut it out what's that means yeah yeah we get it yeah and then
01:02:18
you're okay we get it all right
01:02:28
that's what they're saying and we get it
01:02:34
yeah you don't need a parade I was petting this dolphin one time in Mexico and he like popped his head up you know
01:02:40
and and literally like like you know they put them on the thing and I'm rubbing them softly and he pops his head
01:02:45
up and he goes you show me where the poppers are back under it was nice dude
01:02:52
it was so nice it's so crazy crossing the line man it was I was like I'm not
01:02:57
gonna give a dolphin drugs yeah nuts dude because do you ever see the documentary of the Cove yeah we talked
01:03:04
about it yeah I love it yeah but you know we should go against Dolphins is there a [ __ ] Dolphins group because we want to start because you don't like
01:03:09
dolphins either do you juice no I [ __ ] hate them I don't want to see any dolphins that are yeah yeah you know
01:03:15
what the worst thing too is if you meet a girl and they have a dolphin tattoo it's a [ __ ] red flag red flag red
01:03:21
flag red flag that and like a um Clover Leaf you know how you guys do it what are you talking about a four-leaf clover
01:03:28
yeah wrong with those a tattoo of it uh
01:03:33
it doesn't scare me as much as Dolphins but there's not a what if if a woman had a tattoo what kind of tattoo would turn
01:03:38
you off what kind of tattoo would turn me on well I'm not I'm not huge into face tattoos because I don't know if that's a
01:03:46
good I like your face right I don't know if I want to see tons of that but prove
01:03:51
me wrong maybe maybe I will later in life to meet someone I met that girl that had a bad friend tattoo on her leg Yeah but that's rad that's amazing it's
01:03:58
not on her leg that's not in her face yeah but she also colored Jersey and mine's completely empty with no color that's right why because yellow was
01:04:06
expensive ah orange is like the cheapest color oh yeah I see I see I see no uh what tattoo
01:04:13
would turn me off for real yeah actually that's not you know I take it back I go back because there I have seen some face tattoos that are like neck that bleed up
01:04:20
that are sexy as [ __ ] yeah I just don't like like a word on your face oh I don't like that like the word like I've seen it was really it's like uh what someone
01:04:27
has an eyebrow who's famous someone has like above their eyebrow it says something and it's like yeah Undisputed or something and I'm like why on your
01:04:33
face yeah a word art would be tight you know like like you know when like uh indigenous people or natives have face
01:04:39
tattoos that but but it's but it's symbolic that looks sexy and cool yeah that looks cool I just don't want a word
01:04:45
on my face like that yeah what does it say always tired what does post Malone say yeah always
01:04:50
tired yeah I don't I why why though it's a very silly choice and God bless so
01:04:56
much confidence too see the cross makes sense I don't mind the crowd the word is always tired as a it's a big what does
01:05:02
that say oh that's his address 673 East Apple Drive that's not bad one
01:05:08
on the above like below an eye and one on the forehead that's not bad can you imagine this guy cannot walk into a PC
01:05:14
store wow because I better get out like imagine if he finally wants to switch to an Android
01:05:22
and they're like I'm sorry man not with that [ __ ] [ __ ] on here yeah yeah but it's so funny when we were younger
01:05:28
and you met any hot chick they could have anything on their body the most offensive thing and you still
01:05:34
try to smash well right well also because when we were younger times were like tattoos were a little bit more it
01:05:41
was a little bit rare and the idea that like people these days everybody has tattoos and they have them all over right when we were kids
01:05:47
not a lot of people had this many tattoos oh my God and when you saw people with a bunch you were like whoa
01:05:53
that's so [ __ ] red they were like the rebels of the time now it's like no you'll be scared well they were yeah like in the early 80s if I was walking
01:05:59
on the street and some guy had any tattoo I'm like oh my God fight yeah no no it's like yo this is um Escape From
01:06:05
New York right I'm snake pliskin
01:06:10
love that movie do you have tattoos I forget you told me no I don't have any we're gonna get one on the road that's right we have to get the bad friends
01:06:16
tattoo because you're 100 000 followers I was thinking of getting like a cartoon juice box right on my neck and the straw
01:06:22
goes out to my mouth cool good idea you're gonna love it you're acting yeah
01:06:28
all right yeah you're gonna love that forever I want to make sure you guys supported it before can I tell you the funniest version of that that you could
01:06:34
actually get that no one will see have a juice box on your butt cheek and make the straw go into your ass
01:06:39
and no one will ever see that that's so funny that's so funny that's so good but you also what do you mean no one will
01:06:45
ever see well no one will ever see it unless you want them to see it I mean I'm saying
01:06:50
like No One's Gonna know you have that unless you show them you know what I'm gonna get then you have to paint the inside of your butthole like grape juice
01:06:55
though you have to do like you have to you have to stain already is like have you thought about getting a
01:07:02
tattoo I've thought about it a thousand times I have one I'm gonna do what on the road I'm gonna get a tattoo of a
01:07:08
penis on my penis of a bigger penis so dumb what what if you do black dick
01:07:15
what if you do blackface black [ __ ] oh that's true what if you just did a black dick and
01:07:20
and it changed the way you felt about yourself and you had a bigger dick immediately I mean it would swell up for sure
01:07:25
or you could even lie this is Gary Coleman's penis yeah this is Webster's penis all right
01:07:32
let's get a tattoo on the road then but you'll you'll get one yeah yeah but on the angle or something no another ankle
01:07:38
what am I a teenage boy in the ankle I mean it's like no I would get it some
01:07:44
I'd probably get you're not gonna want it because it's a nightmare when you act you act a lot you have to go in an hour
01:07:49
early it's a [ __ ] nightmare wait just get it on your wrist that's what I want to do on my right I think on my wrist no
01:07:54
no one will see right here much because your hands are like this time okay and then makeup cover this up will take three seconds yeah that's true so what
01:08:00
would I get what would you get it's your body I just want to write I want to I want like one polarizing word oh [ __ ] you
01:08:09
know so many except one puller right you know I know which one we'll say it on
01:08:14
the count three one yeah well don't do this yeah Jesus all right one two three freedom
01:08:22
I knew you were gonna I knew you bailed what I knew you're gonna betray that's why I said Freedom all right hey we're
01:08:27
on the road we're on the road right now right now right now this week we're going to Virginia Norfolk nor Folk
01:08:34
Virginia come on out and see us at the Chrysler Hall no association of Christ to the car company by the way yeah a lot
01:08:39
of people been asking about that maybe it is actually Norfolk Virginia and then the next day we're going to be in Durham
01:08:45
home of the Durham Bulls in North Carolina and one more North Carolina today they shot Bull Durham there they
01:08:50
shot Bulldog there yeah they shot him down then we go to Charlotte North Carolina after that so we go Norfolk Durham North Carolina Charlotte North
01:08:57
Carolina and then in the month of May San Antonio Texas baby we go to Texas
01:09:03
baby we're going to San Antonio two shows Houston then Irving which is Dallas people look where's it's in
01:09:09
Dallas it's between Fort Worth and Dal and Dallas it's Irving come see us uh and then we uh head back the West Coast
01:09:16
at that second week of May so for now though Norfolk Virginia North Carolina Durham and Charlotte please come say hi
01:09:23
guys come say hi to us in Texas we love you and you know we want to thank you for being
01:09:31
laughs [Music]
