00:00:00
let's go oh every [ __ ] time oh no oh my god oh no no no
00:00:07
you're such a [ __ ] brat what do you want i want her to ask me how i'm feeling and how often do
00:00:14
you genuinely ask him how he is you make you make me sound like i'm i'm the bad guy get closer to the bike don't back away
00:00:19
yeah you have to get close to the mic so we can hear you yeah no get closer to the mic um get closer to the mic uh stay close get closer to the bike get
00:00:26
closer uh get closer to the bike don't go away talking to the mic just keep your mouth right where the mic is closer to the
00:00:32
[ __ ] bike closer to the bike get closer to the mic talking to the mic get closer to the mic talking to the mic
00:00:37
your mouth
00:00:46
um
00:00:54
happy halloween get closer to the bike
00:01:04
you two are bad
00:01:15
we're bad friends
00:01:26
[Music] [Laughter]
00:01:33
so andrew at your age do you still celebrate halloween look at me i'm 37 i'm dressed up i know
00:01:38
but does it what how do you feel when you do it i feel good really i love dressing up i love i love
00:01:45
when the kids come into my neighborhood and they want candy i wait last year i handed out 50 bags
00:01:51
50 bags you got to be kidding me all mexican kids too all mexicans came in my neighborhood
00:01:56
i've never yeah ever bought a bag of candy for halloween you don't have you don't
00:02:02
like kids come trick-or-treat at your door i i put apples you're a turd put razor blades in
00:02:07
it no i've never bought any candy yeah because i've always lived in an
00:02:13
apartment which is i think that's the reason why i got oh i know this is my first house yeah i did it last year for the first
00:02:18
time i never have done it before right but that's why i loved living in an apartment because you didn't have to do that [ __ ] no see i
00:02:24
love it i was on the third level right right tucked away in the car in the corner no one came this year we
00:02:31
got the house right i turn up i go turn off the light turn off all the lights we're not home really yeah and we just
00:02:38
sat on the couch until the wee hours of the night that's so mean
00:02:43
why because those kids want candy it gives it's bad it gives them diabetes yeah
00:02:49
right it's not healthy for them so vitamins may be looking vitamins and some zinc
00:02:55
maybe but look who's talking you smoke and you drink red bull i know so who cares i also bought you a look at the okay you just bought me
00:03:01
i bought my favorite candy of um candy corn candy corn it's my favorite
00:03:06
one do you like candy corn jewels i've never tried oh give it slide that bucket to me yeah
00:03:11
so do you know you know these are this is an american uh tradition i [ __ ] hate these things
00:03:18
people defend them let me do my case first go ahead i hate these they're disgusting usually
00:03:23
old people really like them because they're like easy to chew there's no crunch there's no crackle
00:03:28
there's no snapple there's no pop um you always can find these at an old white person's house here in the united states
00:03:33
during this time of year and they'll be in a glass bowl of a grandma's in a kitchen and they're there for months after
00:03:40
because no one likes this [ __ ] so i want you to try some candy corn all right jules
00:03:50
what's the verdict it has a weird taste yes it does okay he loves them go ahead
00:03:56
and defend him you psycho weirdos love this i know weirdos can i defend them yeah all right
00:04:02
number one perfect size yeah for you for you no no from the
00:04:09
mouth well because your limited number of teeth you can't crunch through candy i get that no no they're mashable no okay okay
00:04:15
that's rude fact all right number two right my favorite colors orange like me i love
00:04:22
orange right i love yellow like me you right and then i love white people look at the cube like you okay so i like
00:04:28
the colors and now when i first ate a candy corn yeah when i was a kid do you remember yeah i do i remember you know putting in
00:04:35
my mouth i was at some old white person's house uh my friend craig's grandfather's house get in a white jar yeah i ate it i went
00:04:43
wow i hate it right he goes hey help sing because back then you
00:04:50
could say stuff like that yeah you still can't yeah a little hop sing hey noodles you don't get it yet it'll grow on you
00:04:57
and i get okay and then one day i realized when i ate it because this is after
00:05:02
i add probably a variety of thousands of different kinds of candies yeah but this is like um
00:05:09
it's very simple right yeah it doesn't try to it doesn't try to deceive you with fancy
00:05:16
flavorings yeah i mean you know how you you get like a um you know a gatorade or starburst or
00:05:23
whatever they have fancy names you know what i mean yeah cool blue yeah like ice glaciers on green you know nitro lightning
00:05:30
no and and then you taste it's like a weird flavor this is pure sugar yeah and that at the end of the
00:05:37
day is what i want just confectionary sugar a sweet perfectly shaped you're going to
00:05:44
mean item directly put in my toothless mouth and that's going to just make more
00:05:50
toothless teeth it doesn't matter so i i'm a big candy corn freak you love candy corn i love them i want
00:05:56
people to tell us from home the fans if they like candy corn jules you still you still don't like it but you want another one no okay good see she hates
00:06:02
it see there's these some people taste it they go i don't know if i like it and you eat a few more and you go maybe i can't stand them i can't stop
00:06:10
i put them over my you can eat it i was thinking on the car right over here um of the three big
00:06:19
halloween like um you know the movies that they've made you know that the um the icons you have frankenstein uh-huh
00:06:26
you're the werewolf man you have the werewolf man yeah yeah what movie is that
00:06:32
the werewolf which one um john john the werewolf i don't know
00:06:38
there's a name what werewolf movie are you talking about well is it a werewolf
00:06:43
okay first of all there's been teen wolf with michael j fox no not that one phenomenal film not that one didn't like court mccowan
00:06:50
in it um and uh werewolves of london yeah something like that but it is
00:06:55
werewolves right are a thing that people watch sure and and then you have frankenstein
00:07:01
yeah right they're also um what about the new generation like halloween friday the
00:07:06
13th just talk about the three first the three most famous halloween movies
00:07:12
no no the icons of old hollywood yeah those things frank vampires
00:07:20
frankenstein frankenstein and the werewolf invisible man is one the invisible man yeah yeah okay so
00:07:26
these movies are really sticking out to you
00:07:32
you remember these so well yeah the bit that i had is going away from the bit that i had
00:07:37
well just do the bit right and now it's like we're we railroaded into this area it doesn't matter what are the most
00:07:43
famous what are the most famous this is not what i wanted stop doing this whatever you're doing
00:07:49
right now this is not what i wanted my intentions i knew was gonna backfire on qb halloween first of all adam sandler's
00:07:54
new movie hubie halloween is the most famous halloween movie of all time period oh god what i'll just tell you
00:08:01
the bit i was going to go in do it right out of the three which one would you be the ass pros and cons of it that's all and then
00:08:08
went into another let's try let's try it again let's try let's try it you ready
00:08:14
you ready yeah i just didn't know how to get into it what are the what are these halloween movies that
00:08:19
what what a where the werewolf they're iconic [ __ ] halloween characters frankenstein the werewolf
00:08:25
and vampires yeah you would be frankenstein no you'd be the werewolf no i just
00:08:31
wanted to talk to you about each one with the pros and cons well give them to me give them to me baby no it's going to ask you it but it's like not even you have candy corn
00:08:38
on your chin
00:08:43
nightmare before christmas is my one of my favorite i don't even know what that is i don't even want to know what it is
00:08:48
tim burton you do know it doesn't write what i'm saying to you right this
00:08:54
is halloween this is halloween halloween halloween halloween halloween
00:08:59
i've always loved halloween one of my favorite holidays because it's right around my birthday it's right after my birthday it incorporates
00:09:04
incorporates a lot of orange me a lot of spooky stuff skeletons i dressed up one time as a kid
00:09:10
and what happened was i got expelled from school in middle school my friend alan meadows and i dressed up as black people
00:09:15
and we got expelled did you we did you black face we did
00:09:20
blackface and we brought afros right what did you what did we we called i don't know what we were what did you use for the blackface i'm
00:09:27
always curious shoe she's like shoe polish yeah yeah yeah and then um i remember going to the principal's
00:09:32
office and this is in 1980s 80s early 80s and then i remember them
00:09:39
saying the principal going like you can't do that okay guys what color what color was he he was white and i go um
00:09:45
and my only thing was there's no black people at our school yeah it's poway yeah and he's like it doesn't matter but
00:09:51
you're like but it does because they won't know they won't no it's like you know if i if a tree yells the n-word in the woods
00:09:56
does anybody hear it yeah yeah yeah so it's insane i was just like yeah i just don't
00:10:02
know how to choose right no you do also i was going to bring in some stuff that i found at the halloween store you know what it's so funny it's like
00:10:09
you couldn't cancel halloween costumes because they're i feel bad bye bye no you don't you were young yeah i
00:10:14
was a kid i didn't know any better and i feel bad about it but you know i wore a ninja costume and my mom that's rude and my
00:10:20
mom put tape on my eyes to my put my eyelids down yeah yeah i'm swear to god did it
00:10:27
well why would why would but that let me just say first of all you're making an assumption that all ninjas are
00:10:34
asian they are not all of them name a white american ninja you ever see the movie gymkata that lure white people shut up
00:10:43
there are white ninjas all the famous ninjas are asian yeah i'm just saying bruce lee jackie
00:10:48
chan i know but it's like saying like um all italians where i own pizza restaurants a good
00:10:55
amount i know a black guy that runs one rarely good you know what i mean
00:11:01
it's gonna be bad i know what my point is is that i'm stereotyping it's working you have to go all the way and put the [ __ ] tape your phone yeah
00:11:06
you do you do yeah did you paint your face yellow too then a little bit a little bit i poisoned myself and i had
00:11:13
a little bit of jaundice so i looked a little bit yellow yeah and then let me ask you this did you do an accent oh of course of course you did you love
00:11:19
doing this cheek order the treat yeah you love doing it you love doing it i had
00:11:24
they tried you they try to cancel costumes every year but how how could you cancel a costume
00:11:30
they're all you could you could find something wrong with all of them with everything they represent how is this not racist towards [ __ ]
00:11:36
leprechauns not a real thing they're making fun of tiny irish people so how is this not racist that should be
00:11:42
racist because it is irish people were oppressed dude everything every costume the reason
00:11:48
it's funny is because it's joking about a stereotype yeah that's why it's funny that's why that there was a [ __ ]
00:11:54
section at the halloween store they had um it said voodoo stuff and it was bones through the nose uh
00:12:02
like necklaces with saber tooths on it yeah uh shaman sticks to shake and give you a
00:12:07
small head and stuff like that how is that what's the difference at some point yeah it's ridiculous to even
00:12:13
try to cancel costumes you can't you have a you can't like for instance i bet you money you can't now wear a
00:12:18
headdress there was there was still native american stuff there there was tons of it i was at the um a club in edmonton
00:12:25
there's a mall i don't know if you've been to that mall rick a thousand times rick bronson's room dude that's that's first of all first of all shout
00:12:31
out to the bronson family who was so loving and checked down on in on me the whole time they also headlined me before i was ever ready
00:12:37
yeah i love that they're the best they're great they're the best they're the best but yes the west edmonton mall right so um there was like a photograph
00:12:44
you know one of those old-timey photograph things that you can go what do you what do you mean when you just walk there's like a like it's a
00:12:51
store but it's really a studio oh yeah yeah you have that old-timey backdrop you know what i mean yeah and they only
00:12:57
had cowboys and indians right right so i go i don't really
00:13:02
i think i identify more as an indian the way i look i'm not gonna wear a cowboy outfit and
00:13:08
take the photo there were asian cowboys though no yeah they were who they were asian
00:13:14
cowboys no it oh god in the old west right there were no asian cowboys what they were
00:13:20
were they were in the world they owned the opium dens yeah laundry mats right and stuff like that
00:13:26
and they were the dynamic detail one as a railroad you don't think one or two of those guys got on a horse put on a hat
00:13:31
that's the only way but it's like they didn't ride like regular horses they probably wrote like yeah little doggie
00:13:43
yeah yeah you know what's so funny too what are you doing in this part of town chang
00:13:48
yeah but there was never any um i think because asians are so like um
00:13:55
nothing submissive is not the right word but they like to no just here i think that's the right word i don't think it is right they they like
00:14:01
to um they don't want to be seen right yeah and they want to acclimate themselves and just blend in
00:14:07
right and cause no trouble you know i mean so i think that's why you never saw like
00:14:12
just a bunch of asians hanging from trees you know what i mean
00:14:17
what what do you mean what are you talking about well back in the day right if we were loud and boisterous kind of
00:14:23
people oh you get hung up we would get hung a lot and read up a lot you never read about that but the asians they hid
00:14:29
no we were like you know right this way mr johnson right in any job that you know we had back then right
00:14:35
it was always like come please come in you know i mean it was never like come in get over here yeah yeah he
00:14:42
smoked [Music] thank you so much china china right and
00:14:48
they would smoke and relax okay mr johnson you feel good i'll come back you want a gin tea right yeah and they
00:14:56
were like that laundry right come on bring your bring your dirty body in here i clean it
00:15:02
right it's always a kind very sweet yeah so there were no asian cowboys
00:15:08
yeah we were just you know in the either the food industry or railroad industry yeah
00:15:15
that's where it comes from what ching chong king oh yeah railroad yeah that makes
00:15:22
sense never thought of that yeah but like other like the irish
00:15:28
would complain about their backs first of all first of all the irish were and the same token the irish were blue
00:15:34
collar slaves they worked for no money they had to become thieves a lot of them because they couldn't get work yeah
00:15:39
there's old signs you see that say irish need not apply i don't know why they hate people they hated the irish so
00:15:45
much because i guess they thought they were useless because they were like i know another you know another race that's
00:15:52
like that but i love the irish our nationality is um the polish right right like back in the day like
00:15:58
you would like it um you know i mean how many polish people does it take to turn the lights on a light bulb
00:16:04
right i don't know what the punchline is ten thousand because they're so [ __ ] [ __ ] that's the punchline or
00:16:10
whatever right right you'd be like as a kid you'd listen to go and you wouldn't find it funny because you don't really get that
00:16:16
stereotype yeah but then you watch polish people now right like johanna yang chang check your
00:16:22
chest you know she is yeah and she's beating the [ __ ] on people like you know what i'm in and she's a bright girl and yeah no i don't
00:16:29
that came from this like i'm from chicago chicago has a higher population of polish people than warsaw that's a fact
00:16:35
happened years ago and when i was a kid you used to hear so the the slang the racial epithet they'd say
00:16:41
pollock that's what they call polish people and when you're a kid you hear you don't understand why they make fun of polish people and then
00:16:47
you get older and you just still don't i don't i don't get it i don't know what it is i think it's like a
00:16:54
you just can i don't know but where did that start come from though i think because maybe stefano we should
00:17:00
ask him maybe russians maybe russians uh the beef between russia and poland maybe
00:17:05
russians looked down on them and they took that to america i have no idea yeah yeah the joke in chicago always was
00:17:11
that polish guys like they never finished anything all the way or they did cheaper or labor that was like
00:17:17
because they a lot of them worked in construction or worked on we're contractors i didn't get it when i was a kid but it was thrown around a lot yeah it it it
00:17:24
it questions all kind of these stereotypes that don't make any really sense yeah they just well they said the
00:17:30
standard one two in la would be maybe you know i mean everybody's gay no
00:17:35
mexicans are lazy see that's a that's a weird old phrase that i think was taken from like the
00:17:40
cartoon era of like uh but then you see it never speedy tell us remember speedy gonzalez's best friend
00:17:46
that job right remember his remember his best friend what was his name speedy gonzalez's best friend oh yeah yeah he was always like hey
00:17:52
speedy sleepy bean sleepy beans
00:17:57
yeah and then and and that was like this weird perception that like uh that there was a lazy idea no they're
00:18:03
the the polar opposite i don't think i've i don't think i know i don't think i've ever not seen
00:18:09
a mexican guy either working or looking for work or just getting off a
00:18:14
job or like you know i mean what do you do for a living well i've got 15 jobs yeah all of me you're like oh [ __ ] i'll do anything you need to do
00:18:21
yeah and it's like who's the laziest people then i don't think a people is lazy a type is
00:18:26
lazy what's the type of person yeah what are you i think i'm um entitled fat
00:18:34
you know i mean this is great small yep right type of person so entitled fat spoiled
00:18:41
people yeah they're lazy yeah yeah yeah yeah but you weren't the son of a billionaire
00:18:47
so you're entitled for someone that didn't know well what my therapist said was um that i
00:18:54
because i struggled so hard as a comedian and it was so broke for so long same that once i
00:19:01
once i got stuff yeah right i just became entitled really quickly so i worked so hard you know but that's
00:19:08
wrong because they can take it all away they did take it away and then you humble yourself and then it can go away
00:19:14
again that those are the times is when you humble yourself lose the entitlement no it's oh you're gonna keep it i can't
00:19:20
wait for the entitlement you you do it now i know i'm in a good i'm going to upswing
00:19:26
i'm an upswing but when things start disappearing i'll become humble bob again humble bobby yeah do you really believe
00:19:32
do you believe in any of the stuff that that i get into like this because i love halloween do you believe in ghosts and spirits no i think it's um you don't
00:19:38
believe in any kind of apparition or spirit or you believe i mean we talked about ghosts that i grew up with them but um
00:19:45
i know but you really don't believe in it no because um
00:19:51
i think everything can be explained by science and also a lot of it's illusions you know i mean like i
00:19:56
i've been driving you know what i mean you've been driving i was driving in the desert once yeah i was going from vegas
00:20:04
to bar style yep and i um was driving in the desert during the day and i didn't drink any water is you're
00:20:11
already dehydrated i was dehydrated but i was just driving i had i remember i had to get somewhere and the heat it was really hot yeah my
00:20:17
car didn't have air conditioning what is that called again a mirage when you saw mirage and i was looking in the desert and i saw
00:20:28
these hands chewing in the mic it's [ __ ] so gross what what it's just
00:20:35
the candy corn end of the mic it's just why what's wrong with you today i just don't want to hear it yeah but it i'm
00:20:42
you don't it's so small just swallow it whole don't put candy next to me if you don't want to hear me chew it you have a whole
00:20:49
bucket full of [ __ ] candy corn here man you put a whole chunk in your mouth right now so you saw hands waving
00:20:54
you don't like um chewing swallow it no no i'm chewing the whole [ __ ] show
00:21:00
you want to distribute that one uh gram of sugar all over your mouth as much as you can i love flavors baby i
00:21:06
know you do you want my whole mouth to [ __ ] experience so you're driving in the desert and you see hands waving and what happens no but my point is is that i saw a bunch
00:21:13
of hands waving like we're at a coachella or something huh right in the distance sticking out of the sky no no
00:21:20
like let's say this is the desert they're sticking out of the you know i mean like this the horizon the horizon
00:21:25
and they're just waving their hands i mean i think they were going you know i mean go go to me
00:21:31
crash crash i saw a bunch of hands waving right but so what you think that's everything
00:21:37
that's not real yeah well it's an illusion but it's real to you you've created that so it's really it's still not real it's
00:21:43
so it's an illusion in my mind what's real then nothing really
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joinhoney.com bad friends rudy jules do you believe in ghosts and spirits and ghouls and goblins and
00:24:41
ghosts um not really but i'm interested in it
00:24:46
you are yeah it's nice and yeah oh my god she's she hasn't what are you by the way
00:24:52
for halloween what did you put what is this i don't know i forgot that it was today
00:24:57
yeah and so i had a wig so i just yeah yeah i knew it i knew it and what are you bob what did
00:25:03
you dress up as some tripoli what an inside joke yeah no i don't know
00:25:10
what i i what you're a wolf that's a wolf i don't know what it was what happened was we were i go she was in the backyard
00:25:18
and i go i had just woken up i woke up at three o'clock i know i got the text right so i go in the backyard and she's
00:25:24
back there well remember okay first of all i want to address this real quick okay
00:25:30
so and we had a kind of an argument at the house can i just see if you can side with me yeah okay go ahead so um so kalila's
00:25:38
best friend it's her birthday today happy birthday okay i don't wanna say her name because i love her but um
00:25:44
so for her birthday she went what do they wanna do go fishing go fishing at what time
00:25:51
six a.m at troutdale i don't know which area but yeah oh so when i was and
00:25:57
they didn't invite me right because it's at 6 00 a.m no that's not true i think the reason why they didn't
00:26:02
invite me because i knew they knew that i knew that that
00:26:09
was rude right wait what's rude just hear me out okay okay if i have a
00:26:17
birthday yeah right i'm not gonna call people to go hey you're gonna get up at five in the
00:26:23
morning to go to the lake to fish how rude is that well because then
00:26:28
my good friends would be like all right right your best friends would show up anyway yeah but they wouldn't like it yeah but
00:26:34
if it's something that you loved i would do it for you just if you yeah i wouldn't see but that's the thing i wouldn't want to put you through that
00:26:41
right so i just be like i'm gonna go fishing right that's like when i go golfing in
00:26:46
the morning right so i was we had a little argument today i'm like you know i just found that behavior to be rude
00:26:51
okay i don't think it's rude but do you think it's rude that they didn't ask you to go or that i know why they didn't ask me to go
00:26:57
because i just think that the whole gesture was like kind of you know okay look at it exclusive when
00:27:02
you go fishing you have to get up early to go fishing you just have to when you're going out i understand that so don't
00:27:08
invite people they didn't invite you no but they invited the that's why the point though you feel
00:27:14
left out no i'm lost no
00:27:19
what's rude the fact that they didn't invite you or the fact that they wanted to go i'm gonna use the candy corn please as an example please okay yeah
00:27:26
all right this is me uh just about all right so this was this is me right
00:27:32
yeah these are all my friends okay these are
00:27:38
all the people that i consider friends got it okay and let's suppose
00:27:44
i like to uh for my birthday my desire right is to go to hike the sierra
00:27:49
mountains to see the waterfall you know something even worse you know i mean i like to i like to swim right for some
00:27:56
reason a septic tank okay that's just my desire i love it okay all
00:28:03
right okay i grew up in [ __ ] bangladesh nothing against people from bangladesh right right but like you know
00:28:10
yeah it's just something i want to do you love swimming in september the nearest you mean um public septic
00:28:17
tank right yeah that you could swim in that's legal right is in bakersfield
00:28:22
and it only opens between four to six a.m got it yeah yeah let's see this is
00:28:29
something i enjoy doing right nobody nobody likes it okay okay
00:28:37
they're gonna hate it right it's disgusting right now do i go by myself
00:28:44
or do i invite the now 95 percent of these people right won't go but five percent will
00:28:53
look at that that's five percent will now these [ __ ] now it's 5 30 in the morning we're in
00:28:58
bakersfield yeah in a septic tank right these guys right here are having
00:29:05
the worst time of their lives two so two two it's rude two of them hate it okay but the other four are digging it
00:29:11
all right so they dig it yeah i love it but what about these two right here [ __ ] them
00:29:16
that's true you're right [ __ ] them welcome welcome i think you're just mad you didn't get
00:29:22
invited you having you're having fomo about something that you didn't invite me they did they didn't yeah you're mad that you didn't
00:29:27
get invited that's what it is yes what is it rudy why is he upset that you guys got they got into it
00:29:33
and kalila's friend she loves fishing does kaleila like fishing yeah yeah do you yeah okay
00:29:40
they want to go fishing bob you were one of the two candy corns let me ask you something jules all right
00:29:49
all right and i you know i can handle your betrayal i mean it's not betrayal just listen to
00:29:54
me okay cause i know the truth okay okay i can handle your betrayer one or two times a week put the knife down
00:30:00
we'll just have a discussion all right okay right but when it happens every day and you betray papa lee
00:30:05
right every day right it begins to burn a bit all right and i know that because they didn't end
00:30:11
up going this morning because it got foggy and the whole trip was canceled because you can't see right and she was relieved
00:30:16
who was jules were you why because you wanted to sleep some more i didn't say i was relieved i can tell
00:30:23
that you were relieved be honest no i was kind of excited no you weren't because i'll tell you what i heard
00:30:29
back back in the backyard you were excited to not go or you want you were excited to go to go she wanted to go
00:30:36
listen to me right this you think that i'm not an investigative journalist i am you don't know you don't think that
00:30:42
i could put facts together okay i go in the backyard and i hear these girls take it thank god that thing
00:30:48
was canceled who said that rooted in all of them no yeah and you were you were sitting there on the [ __ ]
00:30:53
you know yes going right is part of this true no
00:31:00
but then you know this is the betrayal and no more tomorrow you don't betray me again that's it that's it here's another thing that she
00:31:07
betrayed me on right let me ask you something if jules right had a play
00:31:12
yeah like a school play a school play right yeah i think you and i would go opening night no 100 100 i wouldn't miss it right
00:31:20
you as huckleberry finn i love it whatever right
00:31:25
so you know i'm on that netflix thing with burke ricer cabin right you know a lot of people
00:31:31
have seen it right yeah a couple million she refuses to watch it why don't you want to watch it jules i didn't say i refuse but you watch
00:31:38
everything else that's the thing i'm sorry i'm starting you're only starting it now because i
00:31:43
gave you [ __ ] about it last night no i was planning to watch it i just forgot about it
00:31:49
meanwhile she's watching [ __ ] [ __ ] anime i'm sorry i want to get [ __ ] racial right yeah
00:31:56
and she's like doing other [ __ ] right yeah i just find it to be rude you know i mean with the light of day
00:32:01
the deception today along with that cabin thing you really want her to watch cabin do you really care
00:32:07
it's this i don't think she'd like it right she won't i understand that but it's like my brother steve my brother
00:32:15
steve right doesn't know that i've been in a movie that's okay because he'll never watch it
00:32:22
yeah that's great what's wrong with that it's i i i don't you think that as a family member or something that you live
00:32:27
with right every once in a while they partake in one thing no really so if i i i think whenever i do
00:32:35
stuff i don't want any of my family to watch it that that's true for me too right but i like the gesture of it like
00:32:42
yesterday right or a couple days ago i woke up and i walked into the living room right
00:32:47
and coletta's laughing at watching the cabin right huh i didn't ask her to watch it right it just feels good that she wants
00:32:55
to see something that i'm in how about this if it was your show podcast no i don't give a [ __ ] now you know so many of them
00:33:00
if it was your show she'd watch it but that's bert's show and you're one of the guys on it that's why she's not
00:33:05
quick to watch it if it was bobby lee's the cabin you'd watch it 100 you're a featured
00:33:12
comic on bert's show it's his show um no if it was bobby lee's uh opium den
00:33:21
in the woods she'd watch it i think that's the truth don't you rude yeah also we got rudya pumpkin to carve
00:33:27
we want you to carve a pumpkin i forgot to ask you you got to hop to it that that rooster
00:33:33
that's not my rooster is it what do you mean you're a rooster yeah it's mine oh it's
00:33:38
it's from the house you brought my lucky rooster here yeah we want good luck here no who
00:33:43
brought it she did what is the problem she's just wanted to
00:33:50
up her decor i said bring something to express yourself she brought the rooster and the creepy dead baby yeah but the rooster
00:33:56
right is a personal who is it who is it to you
00:34:03
is it a good friend all right jules you outline however you want but by the end of the podcast we
00:34:09
want a dope pumpkin yes yeah what's wrong with her bringing in that rooster i don't understand
00:34:14
you have three you have three i know where are they from those roosters right
00:34:22
were given to me by a friend of mine right he passed away yeah oh rudy it's a dead guy's rooster
00:34:31
i didn't know what did he do i can't talk about it oh no is this real no no
00:34:40
i knew it in my bones who gave you those roosters i don't remember you don't know where you got them throw them away no [ __ ]
00:34:46
we're to keep them all right so like back to my original thing from the beginning of the podcast right yeah okay so um i was
00:34:53
thinking um the pros and cons if you were to have to pick right one of those three things to be
00:34:59
frankenstein a werewolf or a vampire which one would you be i think i would be
00:35:06
i just i just love vampire first i love vampire i'm a creature of the night anyway bingo
00:35:12
okay the idea that i love sucking on things i love sucking on stuff
00:35:17
and the idea that you can because they get away with murder because they can they can um transform they can so i can suck
00:35:23
someone's blood and then turn into a bat and fly away so you never get caught fashionable sexy as [ __ ] sexy do you think i would
00:35:29
have been yes dude even as a vampire 100 percent yeah because the clothing was so cool
00:35:34
transylvanian clothing that looked like i never see vampires my body massage though yeah no you don't see a little stocky
00:35:40
vamp yeah we need to make a movie called the stocky vamp yeah a little asian vampire how come we
00:35:45
don't see that why is that because they're all from um they're all from uh transylvania
00:35:51
um which is it which is eastern europe oh frankenstein would like to be you want
00:35:57
bolts in your neck no but i'll tell you why right it'll give me an excuse you know no one will ask you hey read this book
00:36:04
yeah yeah they they won't yeah they want you they would make it right think about it though yeah
00:36:10
i'm frankenstein i can't read well you're way you're the de you're like one of the dumbest guys right you can an excuse to wander around
00:36:17
yeah get lost yeah you can get lost you just walk into a girl's changing room you're like i don't know yeah yeah you have to worry
00:36:23
about fashion you're [ __ ] up anyway well he wears a suit and that's it right he wears like he's torn clothing right
00:36:29
yeah but it looked like i thought it was an old torn suit what was it what he used to wear was it he used to
00:36:34
wear a [ __ ] three-piece suit like a [ __ ] business man was it three well yeah he was a wall streeter wasn't it who original frankenstein was he wearing
00:36:41
what was it just rags was it really just rags i just thought it was an old suit that was torn up i guess it's just a yeah
00:36:48
it's a black sport coat it's a black it was a black coat it was a black that's fashionable it's like
00:36:53
from zara see what i mean right yeah he looks kind of fast yeah he's he's dressed like a z he's dressed like
00:37:00
really nice he looks like most la guys yeah yeah that's new l.a fashion he's and look at he's got [ __ ] no he's dressed like
00:37:05
anthony chiselnack doesn't look where that outfit 100 yeah
00:37:11
yeah black black shirt black pretty fast black suit coat big shoot look this is what gucci does now what
00:37:16
all these new shoes do now they make big big heel shoes yeah and also he's got pretty tight jeans on
00:37:23
yeah shelley's frankenstein that's the original oh gee oh gee frankenstein one of the funniest movies all the time young frankenstein young
00:37:29
frankenstein is incredible that's a mel brooks film that's totally different so funny so [ __ ] funny what anybody anybody listening to right
00:37:34
now it's one of the classics right if you're a young person who doesn't uh isn't tuned in to that stuff you should watch
00:37:40
young frank you want to be a comedian you have that's got to be in your repertoire um that and doctor strange love hocus
00:37:46
pocus also a good uh halloween film never seen it what what a movie dr strangelove is that
00:37:52
what you just said it's not a halloween movie no but for a comedy yeah dr strangelove is great um you know
00:37:59
what costume they had today that i almost bought was um clockwork orange they had stanley kubrick's clockwork orange characters
00:38:05
but i didn't want to i i thought you i it was not you couldn't really tell just
00:38:10
suspenders and then like what else it's just a white shirt with black it's got a scar you know i mean like give the scott like
00:38:15
yeah it's not specific enough yeah yeah it's not specific enough that movie though man young frankenstein
00:38:21
no uh doctor strangely or oh clockwork orange kubrick makes phenomenal [ __ ]
00:38:26
yeah but that movie [ __ ] was my [ __ ] with my head when i first first saw it as a kid yeah it [ __ ]
00:38:32
with my mind because i grew up in the suburbs yeah with a bunch of like track homes and you know white people
00:38:37
yeah and when you watch a movie like that you just kind of first of all i thought at put time in in up for a second that
00:38:44
is this real yeah do people like it it's it's like a alternative post-apocalyptic
00:38:50
not possible um it's an alternative world it's kind of like a um it's not real in the not so distant
00:38:56
future but it's not real it's not real but in my mind i'm like is this what england's like kind of here yeah where they have like
00:39:03
you know statues and you can just drink milk on the breasts milko velocets yeah yeah and they forget and then what
00:39:08
do they trip on that right wasn't it like yeah what a great [ __ ] movie man yeah it really was yeah that's probably one of my favorite
00:39:14
what's your favorite of the newest do you like friday the 13th do you like jason uh
00:39:19
halloween um i think out of the newest one hold on hold on freddie
00:39:24
freddie okay freddy krueger which is which is uh um nightmare in elm street friday the 13th
00:39:31
which is uh jason voorhees halloween the series which is michael
00:39:36
myers or hellraiser are the i think our four of our generations uh
00:39:42
i think hellraiser was the one that like kind of i think the first friday friday the 13th freaked me out no
00:39:48
nightmare on streets freaked me out yeah yeah but when i saw hellraiser i went
00:39:55
because you had never seen like characters like that before right it was wildest it looked it's not really hell it was
00:40:01
more like a different dimension of hell or whatever right and it was like these characters are so [ __ ] can you do that quieter i'm
00:40:10
trying can you do quieter though because i'm talking [Laughter]
00:40:16
you just hadn't seen pinhead was something are you wrestling a boar what the [ __ ] are you doing it's hard they put a little animal in
00:40:22
there do it on the desk you don't want is it no leverage is that why yeah can i take this off it's hurting my brain no it really hurts it's okay
00:40:29
no it pinches it's for the fans do you not care about the fans i know but it's affecting the way i do take it
00:40:36
off that's fine why are you so angry all the time no no i'm just like like a grown up i'm not mad i'm
00:40:41
disappointed i know i know leave it down because like you you you have what
00:40:48
i'm gonna tell you what you have i won't tell you we have oh it looked so tight there's a dent on
00:40:54
your forehead i'm not i'm actually not kidding there's two dents on your forehead because it was so tight why was that so
00:40:59
tight i know but you pull your hair back and show the middle camera that's why it's [ __ ] up there's dents on your phone i know
00:41:05
that's what it's [ __ ] me up all podcasts because i have this pain right here it's squeezing my brain oh dude why is that
00:41:10
well then you should just say i didn't want to ruin the [ __ ] halloween thing that you wanted to do you did a great job right but it was [ __ ] giving me a
00:41:17
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code bad friends look i for me for me personally i thought freddie krueger was easily the
00:44:22
scariest because he comes in your [ __ ] dreams so that always panicked me out right
00:44:28
michael myers was like just a real guy who was a murderer right yeah yeah michael meyer was a
00:44:34
murderer jason wasn't just a regular guy though no he was not but i'm saying a guy from a lake but freddie lit yeah
00:44:40
he came out of the water but freddie lived in this alternative universe which is why i thought it was so cool as a kid that like he could come in your dreams but he
00:44:46
could exist in your real life but who knows if that was actually still in your dream or if it was real that's true that's why that's why i
00:44:52
thought that was such a wild concept here's another reason why right that he makes him scary
00:44:58
he molested was he a molester who was freddy krueger no was he
00:45:05
freddy krueger was a m was a was a chester the molester guy the sweater though that's a molestation
00:45:10
it is it does look like a melissa yeah to me who looks like the most he wasn't it's just the sweater makes it
00:45:16
seem like he was a molester well he always went after kids how about that's why yeah i always made the connection that they he molested
00:45:22
you're right actually because you only come to kids dreams because adults can't adults don't right isn't that what it
00:45:28
was adults don't really see him in their dreams but with jason killed adults michael definitely killed adults
00:45:34
yeah yeah you're right that freddie went after like specifically young kids young kids yeah it was a molesting vibe
00:45:40
yeah it was scary about him to me which one of them which one of them seems which one of those four guys
00:45:46
who i would like who would you yeah who'd you hang out with who would be my top 10 friends on um
00:45:51
myspace yeah yeah um what because
00:45:57
number one i don't want to die yeah that's why you want them on their own right so to me like obviously not freddy because
00:46:03
yeah no what you wait so my friend who who am i picking not to kill me
00:46:08
who who would i be trusting that would be my friend okay look who would you be here we are at a dinner
00:46:14
party right we invite to a dinner party and and somebody's no no and somebody goes bob i heard you're friends with jason
00:46:21
voorhees yeah why well because um
00:46:26
i'll be honest with you right please jason help me build a gazebo once
00:46:32
well he does have that chainsaw well he has a chainsaw yeah but also i was at the lake yeah right and i had this whim to um
00:46:38
build a gazebo over the overlooking the lake well there's a lot of wood right and i've never built one before right
00:46:44
and i couldn't chop the tree down because at the time i was 14 years old right and i have the strength right and
00:46:50
so i was working on this tree all day long trying to chop it down right and all of a sudden i hear like a little rumbling in the back
00:46:57
right i turn around and there's a guy there right with a uh i thought he was i thought it was
00:47:04
gordy how at first you know see how the house in canada yeah and i go out that way what are you
00:47:10
doing there bud yeah yeah i thought it was gordy how are you oh big fan can you you know and he goes you didn't really say anything yeah yeah
00:47:17
and i um say he you want to help me build a gazebo and he's
00:47:22
treat [Music] was um jason a chainsaw guy or
00:47:30
axe i thought i thought michael myers was an axe and jason was a chainsaw
00:47:35
i don't think either one of them had chainsaws yes yeah jason no jason voorhees had a
00:47:40
chainsaw i almost positive he had a chainsaw yeah dude what do you mean the [ __ ]
00:47:46
is he canadian yeah yeah no he's from alberta yeah yeah he's from banff national
00:47:51
forest he lives in off lake louise he's got a nice little bungalow there three bed three bath that's on airbnb if you'd like to rent keep it down
00:47:58
keep it down so yeah this machete was almost the the most recognizable
00:48:03
this was constant but the chainsaw was a thing he had a chainsaw i think the very first yeah jason voorhees what a cool name
00:48:10
voorhees based on something real i i think i don't i just don't know any better and freddy krueger right you say freddy
00:48:17
you think looks like um a molester you don't you think he looks molester-y huh
00:48:24
dude look at that yeah yeah yeah hey kids yeah get in the bus kids
00:48:31
come on i've got plenty of snickers bajars yeah yeah yeah he does seem molestery are you [ __ ] it's maybe the colors
00:48:37
here but your shirt looks like the the molesting shirt from uh from freddy
00:48:43
krueger burn maybe it's the colors here but you look like the molester with that shirt
00:48:48
on he said he has a thing against me fancy bee
00:48:54
yeah because i remember when he was doing the stand-up stuff and he was doing like the roasting and he was crushing yeah but he
00:49:01
he murdered he digs really hard at me so what that's what he was doing stand up there's also a little whenever i see him now here too
00:49:08
yeah there's a standoffishness about him why what do you think it is it's either he thinks he's better than
00:49:14
me or that he um doesn't respect me
00:49:19
fancy are either those things true not at all you guys said that you have to punch up in comedy and i can't think of
00:49:25
anyone higher you know to punch up punching up in comedy he's not punching down see that's respect he's saying you're the
00:49:31
tip top yeah how about this would you like to look since it's halloween listen since
00:49:36
it's halloween i can't eat anymore i believe in ghouls and ghosts and goblins and i believe in the afterlife very much i believe your spirit can
00:49:42
sometimes stick around your father passed away okay rest in peace
00:49:48
papa lee right i brought something in case you feel the need or inclination have
00:49:55
you ever talked to your dad you brought my dad's ashes have you ever spoken to your father i have
00:50:02
you have yeah i'm thinking we could contact him i brought a ouija board no no i can't do
00:50:07
it please no i'm not doing a ouija let's contact your dad please please
00:50:17
put your hand put it it's just one hand it's one hand no let's do it you want to get haunted
00:50:24
at night it is real i know and we're going to respect it we're not
00:50:33
we have every idea so am i this [ __ ] right here i know it's real this is how
00:50:43
you just have to say goodbye and it closes the door you start on ouija here's the rules put
00:50:48
your headphones on put your mic back here's the rules you start on ouija
00:50:56
oh that's not good blown out a candle to begin is a bad omen
00:51:01
oh boy is that not good now you're now that's actually scary to me i know but that's what it's supposed to
00:51:07
do it's a crickle crackle candle put on your headphones and get your microphone near your mouth
00:51:13
okay the proper way to do this is for you put it you put a hand in i put a hand okay
00:51:20
all right here we go bob hold on listen listen to me we're gonna con contact your pops okay
00:51:27
what's his name again robert robert e lee bob lee we have to say goodbye at the
00:51:34
end otherwise his spirit will still remain all right now put your two hands on two hands okay
00:51:40
now calmly and slowly the bravest amongst us asks the first question so go ahead dad are you in heaven
00:51:57
i'm not touched i am not moved look yeah you are no i'm not you have to be no i'm not i promise
00:52:05
what is it what is it yeah
00:52:13
what does that say i can't read i can't see it tg
00:52:19
i know what it is what's tg he's at tgi fridays [Laughter]
00:52:25
he loved to he loved tgi fridays are you being serious yeah he loved tgi friday that's his favorite [ __ ]
00:52:31
restaurant well let's ask him another question obviously he's having fun this is fun there's a teacher on friday
00:52:37
he's in heaven [Applause] let's ask okay
00:52:45
um i want to ask him a question about you
00:52:54
do you miss bobby do you miss bobby lightly lightly put your finger no don't
00:53:00
don't lean your weight on it should be like this i'm not you're pulling i'm not i swear to god
00:53:06
i'm not look
00:53:12
lightly no i'm not i'm not you're so strong i'm not
00:53:18
i did not pull it because i tried to pull it wouldn't pull my way i'm not pulling it come here you have to go strong i am not
00:53:24
pulling it you have strong fingers do you miss bobby bob lee
00:53:32
i'm not you have to be bullied i'm not
00:53:40
oh you gotta be kidding me i'm not you're pulling and pushing it no i'm not
00:53:45
what's that it says you the letter u does he miss you
00:53:53
no so what was the question does he miss you okay let's get the other letters all right
00:54:06
what is that m um oh i know what it is what's um so ask me
00:54:13
if i'm the dad ask me mr lee do you miss do you miss bobby
00:54:19
[Laughter] so he doesn't okay no he's thinking
00:54:24
about it um um oh he doesn't know you don't know are you at
00:54:30
the university of montana is vermont is there university of montana of course there is never uw real home of the buff bluffs
00:54:36
yeah the buffalo so maybe that has something to do with it
00:54:42
because my dad lived in montana for a bit what you am bobby uh
00:54:49
mr lee tell us what's the one thing
00:54:58
what's the one thing that you would ask bobby now about what's going on what do you want to know about bobby
00:55:04
what do you yeah what do you want to know about me dad
00:55:14
oh my god what is that g
00:55:20
you have to re-center it go back to ouija and re-center put your fingers on lightly
00:55:27
are you pulling i'm not oh my god
00:55:36
a ga
00:55:46
why gay [Laughter]
00:55:58
[Music] you are pulling it with your [ __ ] say
00:56:04
goodbye say goodbye say goodbye goodbye dad bye dad hi oh my god that thing is so
00:56:10
dumb yeah are you happy we connected with your dad yeah i miss him you do
00:56:17
yeah do you miss him do you miss him at night or during the day the most i don't there's no particular time it's
00:56:23
sometimes it just comes in a wave of like um it's almost as if he didn't like i didn't accept that he was gone
00:56:30
or you know it's like if i really think about it it's like oh he's dead right but then it's like
00:56:38
i i think i pretend that he's alive somewhere like living in like um
00:56:43
quebec maybe he is yeah but i saw his body
00:56:48
but that's just the shell that's just the yeah his soul could be living out that's why i believe in ghosts and apparitions
00:56:56
they're living on somewhere else yeah look at you when you said their science explanation everything
00:57:02
there's a little thing inside of your body a heart right it beats it beats because of what
00:57:10
what why does your heart beat because the blood flowing into you now what creates blood flow what could
00:57:17
blow um your brain well oxygen helps blood flow right that too okay which goes to your brain
00:57:23
and your heart and it circulates throughout your body why does your heart just have a beat rhythm to it there's no batteries
00:57:29
pumping yeah how what's making it pump i don't know you have an electrical force inside of your biological forces
00:57:35
right so you do you're you have electricity inside of your body right yeah like um
00:57:41
so when you die you just think it goes away no it transfers to something else
00:57:47
magical in the universe this could be your dad your dad could be in this guy this could be mr lee
00:57:56
[Music] this could be bob lee's father this could be bob lee robert lee
00:58:03
yeah they transferred energy no i've never sung before yeah so if
00:58:09
this was your dad you sing the song that he would sing if this was your father he doesn't know how to sing but um let me hear you sing if this was your
00:58:15
dad what would he sing okay ready we'll turn it off i'll i'll just do it
00:58:20
okay bobby bobby didn't get good grades in high school he always did the drug
00:58:27
he stole ten thousand dollars from the safe in the closet he i caught him
00:58:33
masturbating one time and then wait a minute you sold 10 grand from
00:58:40
them yeah out of their safe yeah why why why why for drugs isn't meth not
00:58:45
that expensive i know there's other things how much is meth i'm serious back then no what what
00:58:52
happened was i i want to go get mad right now i don't know i haven't had i haven't done meth since i was 17.
00:58:57
what okay back then when you got meth what does meth cost you go to your guy and you say yo give me a [ __ ] uh what i don't remember
00:59:04
but um i would assume i would probably give them 50 bucks for like a tiny rock like that and you crush it
00:59:10
up i would crush it up and you snort it yeah you never smoked it
00:59:15
why not because i didn't know how to do it i didn't have that like because i didn't really um
00:59:22
there was no there's no like head shop in my town so you wouldn't know where to
00:59:27
get like pipes and stuff i think you'd use tin foil but like i didn't know how to do it no one
00:59:33
around me did it so snorting it yeah and then still 10 grand like um in one
00:59:40
shot yeah you just slowly we're stealing yeah i stole about 10 grand through a period of like a year and a half
00:59:46
and what did he say when he caught you he never caught me he fired a bunch of people what
00:59:54
okay so what happened was on friday my dad had five clothing
00:59:59
stores they were called fashion gal
01:00:05
yes okay so he had five fashion gals one in encinitas one in escondido but a
01:00:10
bunch of places and on fridays when i had my license right he tell he told me to um pick up the
01:00:18
money so being a drug addict right i go i i i
01:00:23
ask for that job i go you know after school i could just you know go pick them up for you
01:00:29
so you can play golf or whatever was your dad a good golfer oh yeah he's won a lot of awards
01:00:35
what do you mean one of a lot of trophies i mean from what tournaments uh where are code you guys at a country
01:00:41
club yeah we yeah stone ridge country club yeah you are fans right so
01:00:47
um on fridays i would go to all the stores yeah and the lady or whoever will the manager
01:00:53
would put all the money in a paper bag what you guys didn't have like a staple and what
01:00:59
and i would take all the money he would put in the safe at home and then on mondays he would deposit in
01:01:05
the bank right right right so i i would go to all and i had i went and bought my own stapler
01:01:13
so you could re-staple the bag yeah you're such a bad kid right so i would go to each store right i would take couple hundred bucks right
01:01:20
but eventually it didn't match up with the books so people started getting fired
01:01:26
because of you yeah because of a 16 year old who was stealing yeah so like adults who had jobs
01:01:31
i don't know dad you tell me to pick it up that was my excuse and you think it was about 10. you would never
01:01:36
think that i would be the one so over like a period of year year and a half i would
01:01:43
eventually turned out to be like 10 grand so every week you were doing this oh yeah for a year for two a year and a half
01:01:49
supported my drug habit wow yeah ingenious it's pretty smart yeah crafty
01:01:54
stupid for him to give you the access to that money yeah but then when i went to rehab i told him
01:02:00
what did he say he was so livid yeah no [ __ ] yeah what did he say
01:02:07
he didn't really say anything his face turned all red and all the veins popped in his forehead when i told him
01:02:12
but you're in a rehab with counselors and stuff it was like a safe space to say it right and then um he felt really bad for
01:02:19
firing people did he ever talk to those people again i think he did something i don't know what he did but i think he did
01:02:24
do something called them because he blamed people he was like you're stealing yeah yeah that's so [ __ ] up bob i know did your
01:02:31
mom ever say anything to you or she let you just get away with [ __ ] she didn't know i know when she found
01:02:36
out did she reprimand you or no no i went to rehab when you're in rehab that's it's safe
01:02:42
baby that's such [ __ ] such a cop-out no it's not if i stole 10 grand from my parents they'd wait for me to get out and they'd
01:02:47
be like oh yeah yeah you're good and then they beat the [ __ ] out of me when i got out but yeah my mom would throw fists yeah the others don't understand
01:02:53
that i did living amends that doesn't me i look and living amends
01:02:58
is pure and simple this this addict idea that like because you're an addict when you apologize like all is forgiven people
01:03:04
can still want to knock you the [ __ ] out for that like your dad should have beat the [ __ ]
01:03:10
out of you for that no yes oh see what you're saying to me is this right yeah
01:03:16
i'm strung out on drugs yeah right on the precipice of death okay
01:03:22
they're worried that i'm gonna die i know get better we miss you we love you so they then they put me in a 45-day treatment center yeah for
01:03:30
like a hundred grand yeah for like a hundred grand right it's insane because we had no health insurance no i know that's right
01:03:36
well they don't become out of pocket right and i went to three what yeah
01:03:42
three different ones yeah jesus dude they went you went you got your [ __ ] you got your bachelors your masters and
01:03:48
your doctor yeah yeah and um but one of them wasn't an actual treatment was
01:03:53
more of a detox kind of a place right but the two were full-fledged ocean view recovery center and the
01:03:58
mcdonald center is where i went do they have mcdonald's food there
01:04:04
yeah they do yeah i think ronald mcdonald does i don't know
01:04:09
ron mcdonald you know that's a family member of mine it's my uncle uncle ron yeah so anyway um so you're in a
01:04:16
treatment center 45 days they're not going to beat the [ __ ] out of you when you leave see i would i
01:04:21
still would i would say i'm glad you're healthy and you're alive and you're not on drugs but i'm i got to get you back for what you did what if i said as a son
01:04:26
i go listen i know i [ __ ] up i'll pay i'll make it up to you how by
01:04:32
working at the store which is what i did for free until i'm paid off my debt
01:04:39
but don't most asian kids work for their parents door for free anyway [Laughter]
01:04:46
i grew up with a kid whose parents owned a dry cleaners right the street from us and he worked there forever great kid
01:04:52
awesome family but and i always thought i bet you i bet you they're giving him good money to work with
01:04:57
no the fear though is this i remember being at the store and my dad would say things like one day
01:05:04
this is all yours right or something like that and then you would have this dread going
01:05:09
i don't want to do this fashion girl fashion gal was it only women's clothes yeah well it
01:05:15
was like i think it was elaine bryant for ethnic
01:05:20
women it was plus-sized clothing for ethnic women yeah because it was a lot of samoan's
01:05:26
women that would shop there yeah nothing against i love samoans but yeah a lot of heavier hispanic women
01:05:32
just so it's a big women's clothing store why did you why would there was skinny stuff too but mostly fat stuff i felt like why'd your dad get
01:05:38
into thicker way your mom was a tiny person yeah so she couldn't wear it
01:05:44
so why would your dad get into thick women's clothing i don't know how they maybe um do you
01:05:49
know how the business started i've never asked you about your dad's business well my dad well he started in
01:05:55
the wig wigs you know i was born in a wig store
01:06:00
right no yeah you were i was born in a wig store really yeah in san diego like on a pile
01:06:06
of wigs i don't but this is the scariest thing your mom is about to give birth and she your dad's like lay down on a pile of
01:06:12
wigs yeah but here's the scary part
01:06:18
so my parents owned a wig store in downtown san diego right which i was born there right and
01:06:26
um time real fast why didn't she go to the hospital not enough time no no there was a hospital downstream when i was born there but
01:06:32
i thought you were born in the woodshop no she should give birth in the wig store i don't know those
01:06:38
asians are hard workers i know i know it's not like they [ __ ] you know i mean had an eight-hour shift they're like oh well we
01:06:44
have to we have to walk do it here no no i was born in sharp hospital but then i
01:06:50
lived in the wig store you guys lived there but here's the thing so that when my parents my dad started fashion gal
01:06:56
my uncle took over the wig store right so all my life you know i mean even in high
01:07:02
school and even when i was a stand-up right in my 20s i could go to that wig
01:07:07
store and it's still there right wow and here's the scary part is one time i was there my uncle goes
01:07:14
come up so there's upstairs it's an old building it's still around
01:07:19
he sold it but it's still there and um he brings me into this room where they
01:07:25
have broken mannequin mannequin heads oh so creepy right so there's all these shelves right
01:07:31
and it also these mannequin heads are from the [ __ ] 60s and 70s yeah right and you could
01:07:37
tell that no one goes in this room right these like cobwebs right mannequin heads
01:07:45
right but also all the plastic is off the eyes right and cracked so crappy and in the
01:07:51
middle of this [ __ ] right is a cradle a baby cradle thing oh you
01:07:59
you slept in there when you would take a nap that's where they'd put you when i was a kid since we didn't have a
01:08:05
house yeah my parents lived in that wig store illegally ew right and so you go this is where you right
01:08:12
and you could just see all these heads staring down on me
01:08:18
that's so [ __ ] creepy it's so creepy do you remember growing up there at all
01:08:24
like do you remember vivi no but i do remember being raised by um mannequins 80 people it felt like
01:08:32
people would always just come and go stare maybe it was my first audience oh [ __ ] right yeah maybe that's how i learned to
01:08:39
perform you talked to the mannequins yeah yeah i'm talking about yeah i grew up in a wig store bob what
01:08:47
that's so sad why because it's just like such like a sad immigrant tale and i'm really happy
01:08:55
it's not human trafficking i wasn't like i don't know i don't know it sounds so close just like the kid in
01:09:01
the attic and stuff around the dead around the mannequins that are [ __ ] up and like downstairs they're doing
01:09:07
something illegal and wrong and yeah they probably had a conversation they're like we can't we can't sell them no one wants to buy them
01:09:13
yeah yeah they try but my brother got a real house i think as a baby right when he grew up he was you guys
01:09:19
had been in the house at that point right yeah we got a house then but like i remember um my uncle showing me that [ __ ] it was
01:09:24
just like did it bum you out no but i it i you know it's almost as if
01:09:31
like i didn't know that that would bum me out if i saw that no i i was in there i'm like wait why is there a cradle here and he
01:09:37
goes there you you sleep there right and i go what i
01:09:43
looked at my uncle go what the [ __ ] i slept here why would i keep it
01:09:48
what why would they keep the cradle as if we moved out right my uncle bought the store and i'm
01:09:54
going to close the door forever no one ever come back in here
01:09:59
right yeah because it was in the end of this hallway upstairs right it was also there's no electricity either on that
01:10:05
side of the oh my god right so you would walk and get darker and darker as you go down this hallway yeah and then by the end of the hallway
01:10:11
it's pretty pitch black right and then when you would open the door it was as if like the walls
01:10:20
had openings in them like holes punch through to the outside so there's light beaming in this is a
01:10:26
horror movie no you grew up in a hormone so there's light beaming in right so that's what i remember
01:10:34
that's so [ __ ] up that's like a creepy creepy memory light shining through this yeah tattered
01:10:41
electricity less room tucked away in the corner of a wig shop in san diego yeah no wonder you did meth i remember
01:10:48
my mom i remember when my mom you know ethnic women they don't know the [ __ ] rules right i remember my mom we were at a
01:10:54
mall we lived then we moved to minnesota we were in a modern why this brought this memory brought up but it's funny to
01:10:59
me right and i remember being in the mall and my mom's swimming in the fountain
01:11:06
of the mall yeah just like no big like that's totally normal just yeah yeah my mom would do like things like
01:11:12
that like like i knew as a kid socially you throw pennies in there mom
01:11:17
yep right my mom's in there like wait you know doing you know washing her feet and like you know i
01:11:22
mean and like people walking by going did security come no nobody cared and then my mom would also do this she would
01:11:28
go like we'd be at the north county fair which is another mall by my house and when we lived we came back to san diego yeah and my
01:11:34
mom go i'm tired and we're at the mall let's go home no but i still have to shop
01:11:41
and then she would just take a nap in the middle of the mall not in the middle of the mall like off to the side you know me on a bench or something just
01:11:47
squat and sleep and she would just sleep there for like 30 minutes and my mother just wandering around it's so embarrassing
01:11:54
because at that time we were like you know um like twelve ten twelve yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean so we're like
01:12:00
yeah you care so much about looking cool yeah yeah you're like we're going to hot topic later mom yeah i love when peop they don't know
01:12:05
the rules yeah i mean and they just do whatever they want because these weird social things that i guess
01:12:11
don't exist over there also why do they exist why can't you take a nap in the mall
01:12:16
could just go home but why can't you do that though just why can't you go to the fountain where there's water and wage your feet
01:12:22
in it because it gets dirty then that's that's gross that's unsanitary it's true yeah if your mother had a cut
01:12:28
she could get infected bacteria she could die it's a terrible idea i'm just saying
01:12:35
though but so i'm telling you why [Laughter] why we have rules in america oh i see we
01:12:41
can't just sleep in malls and wait in the fountains but yeah but i do think
01:12:47
i told you about the jug of piss what so this is so funny so when i so now i'm a
01:12:53
comic you know i'm on mad tv okay killing it and i go um dad you gotta because they
01:13:00
had one fashion guy left yeah in some broken down mall they just slowly closed down phoenix arizona over
01:13:06
time right yeah but it would they changed the name it was called changes
01:13:13
[Laughter] it's like exactly what's going on in his life yeah yeah it changes changes
01:13:19
and so my brother and i we drive to phoenix to do a surprise visit is that where
01:13:25
your uncle lives too right no my parent my uncle lives in san diego oh so i go um let's go to changes and
01:13:32
visit dad so we should visit my dad and there's no one in the mall
01:13:39
it's like a dead mall yeah do you remember no traffic in scottsdale not scottsdale no in like
01:13:45
fashion mesa or gilbert in one of those towns right and we go in why'd you make
01:13:51
that face opinion what do you mean i have opinion okay go ahead give me the opinion i went to arizona
01:13:56
state i lived in phoenix so i know all about it so what what what may say kelp or what is it about that is not so nice
01:14:05
okay it's okay they're okay they're they're that's where my mom lives now in mesa yeah she does yeah mesa's gotten
01:14:12
much nicer time and honestly when i was there it was different okay it was just a little bit like uh uh you know
01:14:18
but now that's where all the [ __ ] the the the uh no no the the the um spring training
01:14:25
baseball's all in mesa now it's [ __ ] i mean it was to them but the neighborhoods have gotten significantly nicer so we go and visit
01:14:31
the changes and my dad's standing there we're in this at the store empty mall
01:14:36
right and we go dad you're so happy this is oh my sons you know what i mean and
01:14:44
we go around right and my my dad's zipper
01:14:50
my dead zipper is undone is his dick out well it was
01:14:57
it turns out it was like father like son yeah yeah and we look down and there's a gigantic plastic
01:15:06
like a jug like you would put water in like a like a valley spring yeah like a sparkle
01:15:12
filled with urine like a five-gallon drug of urine filled up with urine did he not have a
01:15:17
bathroom at the store he goes i can't afford a i cannot afford employee
01:15:23
so if i have to go to the bathroom because the bathroom was way down on the other of the mall this is so sad
01:15:28
i know i had to be here [Laughter] who emptied it i guess he just that's
01:15:34
why he got a big one so he's just a weak a week and act maybe on a friday he would like
01:15:40
you know i mean just throw it in the [ __ ] church dude the funniest image in my head of your debt like you know how the sparkles bottles have handles on them to carry yeah yeah your dad just
01:15:46
carrying two stars as he leaves them all he's like have a good night
01:15:52
yeah it was uh that's so sad he couldn't afford him that was that the last short that was it huh
01:15:57
then retired and then i um didn't and then i was just like i don't know what to do we got a closed store we got a clue store so um
01:16:05
did he was he gonna give it to you and your brother was that like a thing no he was never gonna there's no way it was it wasn't making
01:16:11
any money so i decided to send them money every month
01:16:16
when you started making money yeah i've been sending them my parents money ever since then you send them the same amount
01:16:22
of money every 500 a month wow because you were like i want to just
01:16:27
make sure that they're i just i go how much is all this [ __ ] going to cost right you mean food give me food your
01:16:34
phone bill all that [ __ ] tell me everything and i'm going to send you this right you close that [ __ ] store down it's a
01:16:40
money drainer because he was just losing right well you know we'll pay mortgage on the [ __ ] house that you have here
01:16:45
right and just chill but then they sold the san diego now your mom's out there
01:16:50
no this is all in arizona oh that was all in arizona yeah yeah oh wow yeah is she happy out there in
01:16:57
arizona oh my god i'm gonna show you something this is so sad yeah i feel so bad yeah
01:17:06
i don't i know you just talk [ __ ] about my mom every time we bring it up so and i
01:17:11
haven't said anything mean about her so far about your mom you talk about her eyes and stuff it's it's one it's just obviously lower and
01:17:18
crossy it's just it's yeah like that picture when i go through your instagram sometimes your mom is a chupacabra
01:17:23
huh chupacabra oh really yeah okay all right so if you
01:17:29
talk about my [ __ ] mom yeah right again right your mom is a [ __ ] beast
01:17:36
remember that she spawned a [ __ ] dirty beast like you right and you guys
01:17:42
are [ __ ] animals right you know at nights i hear coyotes right i go mrs santino i'll yell that under
01:17:49
the [ __ ] not even her name that's not even whatever her name is yeah you don't know i mean well you know i don't know her language
01:17:56
i don't know that language right so don't ever [ __ ] come back me what about my mom okay yeah i take a bath in a fountain
01:18:07
yeah so this is our exchange my mom and i yeah since the pandemic
01:18:14
every night she sends me a meme right beautiful and sunny day not too
01:18:20
hot or cold the perfect weather i love uma at first i thought this was hiroshima
01:18:28
right sunset i know but at first i was like what the [ __ ] she's lost her mind right right she'll send me this good night and
01:18:35
sweet three and just some that's really sweet flowers that's cute she does it every [ __ ] night and what
01:18:41
do you send back bob bob i'll say stuff like stay safe there mom please i love you
01:18:46
that's your mother that's nice you know what i mean she sent me this the other night i'm not perfect but i'm always myself
01:18:54
that's you that's really sweet yeah she's just and i never even read this let's let's read it
01:18:59
together yeah let's hear it if you knew how hard it was how long it took to rebuild my little
01:19:05
universe of peace and happiness then you would understand why i'm so picky about who
01:19:10
i allow in my life hmm i don't get it is your mom like a teenage white girl
01:19:19
it's the weirdest that's so strange so strange yeah so she said you know this is you know here's a weird one i
01:19:25
just saw this one right it says stay safe but
01:19:31
what the [ __ ] is the it's the oh it's a guy it's like it's like it's like the symbol they use for depression
01:19:37
when people are depressed but that's strange right she's trying to tell you something
01:19:43
you think she is yeah stay safe she's like myself in four months
01:19:48
stay safe i'm not gonna be yeah yeah did you finish your pump yeah let me see it let's see the pump
01:19:54
right now oh i'm excited to see the pump
01:20:00
what do you mean it's bad i bet you it's not bad at all all right oh yeah
01:20:08
show it to that camera that's your camera really cool oh that looks awesome so that's that's
01:20:14
uh she put bf there yeah befriends that's that's that's uh the one that's uh mike from uh no is that mike
01:20:21
walkowski from monsters oh yeah yeah that's what it looks like what what's his name mike wakalski from
01:20:28
it's one eye right yeah he's one eye yeah yeah isn't that his name you guys yes monsters inc monster zinc yeah but his
01:20:34
last name was mike you know what i i didn't get that i i've never seen anything like that i think that's creative it's awesome
01:20:40
you made the little eyeball can we have it can i can you well no no leave it in front of you rudy
01:20:45
jules i think that's a phenomenal pump thank you i think you did a great job bob you like it i i
01:20:50
you know what i think she's creative i wouldn't be able to do that all right here um can i have the pumpkin
01:20:56
hold on one second
01:21:02
okay and i want to i want all of us to say thank you for being a bad friend okay thank you for being a bad friend
01:21:10
yay jules that was real that's really [Music]
01:21:26
awesome
