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hey hey y'all hey y'all we got new merch available and we're telling you right now it it we
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sell them it's hot it's hot we sell them quick and we just love the fact that you guys like them so
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we're going to keep selling them if you look down in the merch bar right there or go to bad friends merch go to badfriendsmerch.com whatever you
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need to click i'll go get it also get it also your boy is going to be in salt lake city april 8 9 10.
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wise guys one of my favorites wise guys and then at the end of april i'm going to be in uh addison at the improv so go to my me too
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go to andersontino.com to get those tickets and buy some merch down below i thank you you two are bad
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friends who are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting
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well you two or something we're bad friends what's the vote what's a consensus that you're gay people think that i'm
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bisexual someone wrote a son about it someone wrote a song about it yeah oh
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that's interesting the love song somebody wrote okay so last week that
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the episode did well [Music]
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a very hot guy oh
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[Applause]
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continuation from last week bobo is back from hawaii
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[Music] um bro jeez when i was hawaii i saw this
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i saw a couple of that woody allen thing well what oh the documentary do you watch it
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no the two movies i saw manhattan hall how were they really good yeah he's
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a great filmmaker people don't realize he you know he does slapstick well no he does
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yeah yeah yeah he does um bananas and sleeper slap sticky i don't know it's sunni is
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his dog he have no i haven't i don't i have no idea what you're saying right now let's make it up oh you want to make it up yeah okay
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let's make it up go ahead no wait a minute the in the documentary andreas you saw it not yet so
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did you see the documentary no i didn't watch it yet i wanted to watch it uh neil brennan had the best joke he said it's the worst woody allen movie i've
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ever seen [Laughter] uh so he adopts this girl from where he doesn't adopt
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he she's already pre-adopted what do you mean by me a faro
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[Laughter]
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she got 50 50 of them she has a body a discount you know what i mean so she adopts this girl she got in bulk she she got jingling
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balls she got costco chase yeah so they came over right named them you know what i mean yeah you're moses
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you know what i mean moses yeah there's one with with the with thick the thick glasses his name is moses is moses okay i'm old my moses yeah you're moses
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give him my real name you know nobody contains moses now and then uh and then so suny was already
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but she they [ __ ] up because they adopted suni she was the only one that was adopted
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later in life how old was she when they adopted i don't know like 37 how old was she seven seven eight okay he he raises her
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as his stepdaughter not really he came in and he's just like you know at first standoffish a bit you
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know what i mean what do you mean why are you laughing why are you getting he did raise her right am i stupid did he raise her andres i
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don't want to say raised because he had his own apartment he would come by all the time hey soon yeah no not maybe
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[Laughter] in the beginning she was like you know um
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they make her a slave do they make her made around let me try to say these words appropriately so that i
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don't get in trouble well how could you get in trouble for if you didn't do this no because i'm because i need to i have a i have a
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thought about it i'm trying to so when sh she when she when he first
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was dating mia she was young right and she kind of looked but as she got older
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she she really became taller and more attractive and i think through time you're talking
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about soon you became taller and more attractive yeah yeah i think through time you know after three or four years he
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came to breakfast one day and you know she probably gave him pancakes or whatever and he looked up
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and looked at her little you know what i mean yeah yeah anyway
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you know what i mean but how old was she when when this started when this relationship happened
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yeah i think i think she was legal barely barely legal 17 maybe at 17. so okay and
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then they became lovers that's not the but that's not the crazy one what's the crazy one dylan dylan is the younger one
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who was his adopt real adopted one okay who was white okay you he adopted a
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white yeah okay dylan was white expensive babies huh so it cost half a million dollars
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from bulk fifty of them thirty eight seventy five fourteen ninety five yeah two payments yeah two people let's do
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two easy payments yeah and um and they just they come over and
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you know in a ship yeah yeah like you know and when you get a european one it comes in a plane
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right this one comes like nine months later in the ship yeah the european one comes a stork is actually carrying it
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when you get the asian ones it's like you have to open up a bunch of packaging too you do and then and they're just like
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you know they're freeze-dried they're stuffed and you put water on them they're freeze dries at first you put water on them and
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then they yeah floating in the but um
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so wait this dude he adopts me you're in trouble this is bad he adopts the white one so he adopts the
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white one and then he goes and you know he she so you know it always happens where
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you know she catches him doing stuff right right so the one thing that i think somebody caught him doing was um having
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sex with his step no no he was doing um teaching her how to suck his finger
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excu excuse me you know you know what this is that's because where he comes from justifies they're pig-headed misogynistic
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bull-headed males isn't that right yeah where do we where do women belong andres and the house
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oh right that's how he feels yeah and the ratings of that documentary in spain is zero zero yeah because they watch two
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minutes everything oh [ __ ] it yeah yeah yeah this girl is they're not crazy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so
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he he got caught she was like teaching her to tongue the tip of his head so gross oh
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yeah so gross right and i'm like pretty gross and then he so mia's out of the house because
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they had this house in connecticut he comes over right because it's like a weekend
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yeah and all the kids are because so many kids there's like 32 000 kids and they're so you know and they have three babysitters
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so it's like how do you keep track of olive oil sure right and um so he goes to the attic
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right you know this right yeah he goes the attic with um dylan and oh yeah is it yucky well i don't
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know what yucky is you know i think they're going to the attic what are they doing up there they're not looking for christmas decorations
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no the ouija board you know he's squeezing her tight she's like she's
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squeezing me tight and he was playing with my naughty nonstop downstairs
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and how old she's what 12. gross so what's going to happen to him now that this documentary is out nothing you
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gotta fight picture deal [Laughter] so yeah yeah universal is like pick i'm
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like pick him up no i well i think you know because he used to make a movie a year
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it's what's interesting he hasn't done that for a long time yeah but what's interesting about him is is that um you know this [ __ ] that like for
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instance one of my favorite i mean if you go to my house you know the woody allen picture i have
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in my house do you have you seen that one do you know who woody allen is yeah scoot the mic yeah
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no how many we've been doing this for 55 weeks and then mike starts at the end of the day he doesn't know wait you don't know who woody allen is no that's why i'm trying
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to look him up well we'll pull up here on the screen you can see he he was a filmmaker who made a bunch of very successful very famous
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very respected films um there he is right there how does he look okay just bring up that picture will you click on just that photo and see how how do you feel
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about that guy uh right there how does that guy make you feel jules
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does he look like he would adopt an asian girl and then make her his bride yeah yeah okay so i have a woody allen
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old school um framed photo of woody allen in my house right so when i was watching
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the documentary i called kalila and i go i screamed at i go flip the
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flip the [ __ ] yeah take it down no no no then take it down just flip it over and take it down you
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know man yeah so i was like um i'm a huge woody allen fan sure you know i love brad where i did
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broadway danny rose i love um but i love his later ones like uh husbands and wives crimes and misdemeanors
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but the movie that i loved that i've seen with kalila before is husbands and wives yeah but what's interesting about that
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movie is halfway during that movie right uh-huh um so
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mia is like stopping by wood she has keys to his uh his apartment and he's not home so he
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just comes to stop by because she was in the area and she sees naked photos of
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sunni on his drawer like on the top of a door but not he's a hustler like
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barf what barf okay and imagine so she's in the middle of she's
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the co-star of husbands and wives and she sees those photos she sees the photos right she's like this is going to be a good movie i can't say anything
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yeah this is you know that's her daughter right gross gross right how old was and the daughter was young so she calls she's like you know
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confronts him whatever and she goes i think you need a two week break so they hold production for two weeks
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but then they keep shooting so now if you watch husbands and wives you know that somewhere in there wow
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right she mia knows get out of town yeah yeah so i think i want to watch we
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watch that movie it just throws it in a different context i want to know yeah yeah and we'll how about we guess how about let's watch him
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next week we'll we'll try to guess what point that she knew we think we should already i can there's a there's a moment where she questions because in the
00:11:00
in she leaves him in the in the movie yes so there's a moment where she questions their relationship
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and then i hope to think that that's when well maybe he's just a good filmmaker and he did that all for the sake of the film
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maybe interesting
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you know she's what seventeen yeah she's got a little breasts and i'll you know i'll
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i'll just film her you know take photos of her vagina i'll leave them all over me yeah and it'll just give up and then me
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yeah we'll discover them and then and then boom we got a picture oscar yeah wow maybe it was d.b
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so you've never heard of this man before will you bring a bring a picture of him and suny up so we can all take a look at
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there there she is right there right yeah oh tough she kind of looks like you bob oh that's tough man
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oh no oh no but she does will you blow that up just stretch stretch out so we can see it bigger looks like him i do it's me
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that's me and you yeah bad friends 2032. if we keep doing this podcast that's you
00:12:10
and me bad friends 2032. guy i didn't know he had a lazy eye i never noticed that his left eye is lazy
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he's like 90 000 years but he he's got one eye looking at the camera and the other one looking at soon yeah look at that he's like don't you go nowhere soon
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to get back don't you get back on that ship yeah yeah don't you get back on and she's looking kinda at him going i'm not gonna get back on this [ __ ] yeah yeah
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yeah so all this [ __ ] like in 92 and stuff all this stuff comes out right yeah i remember when it first kind
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of became right and he still after that did movies with scarlett johansson
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and you know he did blue jasmine with cate blanchett yeah and he just kept going yeah you know i
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think that now it's like um the culture has completely changed
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totally because look at look at a movie like manhattan and also husband husbands and wives
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right he has in manhattan guess who his girlfriend is
00:13:02
she's in the movie she's 17 years old she's under yeah she's a young girl yeah and he's 45 or whatever right right right in
00:13:10
[ __ ] um husbands and wives he's married to me or pharaoh but he is a teacher
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and he has an affair with a 16 year old student students at a birthday party or whatever
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right right there's all these themes in his movies signs you would say one would say yeah little crumbles yeah yeah
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breadcrumbs but you know when you were watching it back in the day you didn't think that why
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because now i look at it that's [ __ ] crazy i think it's culture but when i saw manhattan i was like
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masterpiece well yeah i mean i mean well yeah beautiful right right the way it was shot but it's also like
00:13:44
the history of america too right you think about how these guys like you talk to like my grandparents on how their
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how people and their generation met they're like he was 30 and going off to war i was nine and he met me at a bus stop
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right right it was just like the crazy it was okay back in the day yeah like we were watching these um
00:14:03
we watched the the that we finished the the egyptian tombs documentary you know i've seen that one it's phenomenal we i rewatched some of
00:14:09
it just because i was i wanted to know it's all right get real get real it's incredible i've
00:14:14
seen tombs before it's phenomenal yeah but the two one you see once you see one tomb you've seen
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them all what a tomb the discovery of the of the new tombs that doesn't blow your mind
00:14:25
and make it feel like i'll be honest with you right now can i say something to you right now you don't like egyptians no i love egyptians i'm a big omen i've been a fan i have
00:14:33
all these albums i love all comedy albums oh sure 911 here i am
00:14:38
you know that's one of them 911 again again right i'm killing literally um literally
00:14:44
9 11 one more time yeah so um no i love egyptians but um
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they will discover more tombs in the future forever and yeah and then you're good and they're gonna be the white guy wow
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remarkable unbelievable it is architecture and um wow the way they mummify these corpses and the
00:15:02
the the deities the inscribed inside the walls are just amazing how many koreans have they found in we don't do that because
00:15:09
that's right you're better
00:15:15
yeah yeah and you're back to woody anyway yeah so woody allen the documentary you know bloom i had to
00:15:21
go get dental work dude i got you rachel we're gonna have to film i'm gonna have to get my uh wisdoms
00:15:26
removed oh i haven't kept them in my whole life you do they never said i needed them out
00:15:31
do they hurt now no but they he was like you we gotta take him out now okay shifting my teeth now now my teeth are being pushed i want him
00:15:39
are yours out yeah they've been i have no teeth well you yours just naturally fell when i see something it's a drugs you want to do something
00:15:45
look yeah it's repulsive i can't believe hong kong but this is my point it's you know just the wizard i took take them all out did
00:15:51
you get your wisdom teeth removed did they do that over there
00:15:57
do you guys have dentists what do they do over there you know what they do is they put their head going on a slab a rock slab yeah take
00:16:04
another rock they stick the rock in the mouth right and they take a little hammer right right like that you'll fix you fix uh
00:16:10
you have them huh yeah and it's um yeah they try to make you take them out at your age because it's a lot easier apparently it's going
00:16:16
to be more painful and we'll have to get me a dentist too is that what you want us also as well
00:16:22
huh what else do you want nothing yeah ungrateful hey hey hey we love rude we love her
00:16:30
we love rude no but i went to the dentist and he was like oh man the teeth thing yadda yadda and it made me flashback
00:16:35
to when we were watching the egyptian thing and i'm like these guys still got all their [ __ ] teeth 3000 years later they were in pain all
00:16:41
the time good they weren't paying all the time do you really think so i never saw the egyptian thing it's impossible i know you didn't
00:16:47
i know you didn't i could tell i could tell because you were making it up yeah yeah but i gave you credit for what is it good it's it's honestly it's unbelievable
00:16:52
yeah to watch them discover something i saw and actually let me just say something i saw maybe two episodes with
00:16:57
kalila and i was watching i was playing video games on my phone yeah while i was watching it so i remember them i'm being real
00:17:04
right they discovered this tomb right it's one guy right he was like a
00:17:09
well there's one guy his whole family is in there his whole family but it's one guy's thing and he was like a he wasn't the king but he was like a um
00:17:16
not a priest but you're something like he was a priest yeah yeah he was and um it's beautiful i saw i swear to god no i can't tell
00:17:23
there's a life i saw right but at one point i just went i just kind of went back into my game
00:17:29
and i never went back up i get that i've done that because no it was that uninteresting to me
00:17:35
okay because it's like once they wait once you see it right yeah cool oh
00:17:42
how ancient but you're learning how amazing it is that they discovered amazing dead this was the first finding
00:17:49
in this episode the first finding ever ever ever of a lion cub being um
00:17:54
uh uh mummified they've never found a lion cub and it was incredible to watch the reaction of these scientists who
00:17:59
spent their entire career dedicated to this thing they're like we've only found cats and people yeah the egyptians loved cats these
00:18:05
[ __ ] were wild for cats they found a salamander once did they yeah
00:18:10
a moment salamander no in egypt right 50 bucks says you uh she doesn't know what a salamander is
00:18:15
all right 50 bucks egyptian name uh muhammad they found this thing muhammad two yeah
00:18:22
and they found these little tiny oh just listen and they found his mummified body and around his body right they had these
00:18:28
little tiny like rock pots huh right obviously you know archaeologists are like what is this
00:18:35
right say you know when they open it up and there you see
00:18:42
what is that a little salamander it is gone i died nine thousand
00:18:49
million year ago three thousand who gives a [ __ ] you know what the alleges did he went no
00:18:56
yeah and he [ __ ] no threw it on the ground like i don't give a [ __ ] that's what he did they used to get very mad they used to get buried
00:19:02
with important stuff or stuff that they wanted to take to the afterlife what would you get buried with rudy if you they said you're dying tomorrow we got
00:19:08
to bury you what are we burying you with my dogs
00:19:13
we have to kill your dogs we're saying you die not the dogs
00:19:19
morbid yeah you don't well what i would do just in that case if i was an edition i'd be like if i pass when when
00:19:26
my dogs eventually pass put them in there put them in there i i wouldn't go if i die kill everyone else at the same time i
00:19:34
want them all at the same time what do you want to be buried with bob i want to be um because they believed you got to take that whatever that was
00:19:40
into the afterlife what would you want just be buried then nothing you wouldn't take anything with you because i need glass to do my thing
00:19:46
what i'm talking about today if you got buried today today i'll tell you what i do today okay thank you so much for that
00:19:51
thank you so much for that you got it right you got a kid yeah what i would do is um i would be
00:19:58
i have to be dressed in like a 1940s tuxedo like a three-piece suit with a top hat
00:20:04
okay not be creole do you want a cane yeah the whole thing right and i need you to
00:20:09
um put me in a gigantic jar of formaldehyde oh you want to be okay so i want to be
00:20:15
floating with the with the cane the top hat right right and i want little buttons right so if
00:20:23
you like and it'll say like andrew you know what i mean and you'll press it you'll come to my you know i
00:20:28
mean of course i'll come a memorial or whatever i'll go what's up dude that was fun bad friends
00:20:36
that's all you would say all the time we spent together yeah what's up dude that's funny because there's
00:20:41
how many people and i know so many people yeah but you'd have to see so many buttons you wouldn't give everybody a button no i would give it i would give andreas
00:20:48
a button you would give him a button i would go of course eat it all right
00:20:54
or something like that right i love you fancy yeah lovely fancy i would give uh everyone what would kalala's button say
00:21:00
that would be long it'd be really sweet and i wouldn't do that voice either what would your brother's button be
00:21:05
oh it'd be probably long that would be long who be the shortest button who would be who would get granted a
00:21:10
button but be the shortest message griffin
00:21:17
[Laughter]
00:21:25
if i was in heaven i would love to press eric right what's up i want to see him complain then that's all i got bobby
00:21:31
i know you would do that yeah he would he'd be so mad what would you what would you would you i don't know what i would get buried with i was thinking that's how you'd be buried i
00:21:37
think if i was going to be buried with stuff that i want to take to the afterlife probably like um a golf club i want to
00:21:45
be able to hit golf balls in the after i can play i could play golf in heaven all day white yeah yeah yeah you just be
00:21:50
your golf club and your confederate flag you [ __ ] pieces confederate flag the union jack you mean my number one
00:21:57
flag in my house people are always like i can't find your address i'm saying look for the union flag on the roof
00:22:03
bro better help oh andrew better honestly man
00:22:10
therapy has really helped me um is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals
00:22:16
yeah there is andrew what is it yeah i think sometimes i get super low and depressed especially when you're gone for a long time and i miss you
00:22:22
and that's a real feeling well that means you might use better help it will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional
00:22:28
therapist i use it kala at back home my girlfriend uses it yeah you can start use communicating with people under for
00:22:33
under in under 48 hours and it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional constantly
00:22:38
done securely online tell them maureen yeah they're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if
00:22:44
need be bob and i both use it we do recommend it very very much it's great to do from the comfort of your home which i'm a big
00:22:50
fan of you don't got to go into stuffy weird office um and they've helped out so many people and uh you should be a part of that if
00:22:56
you want to talk to someone about something come on over to better help um this podcast is sponsored by betterhelp and
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bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.combadfriends once again that's betterhelp.com
00:23:08
bad friends hey andrew you know that credit card yeah i got it that one that you're afraid to look at
00:23:13
to see what the balance is mm-hmm if you're if you've been avoiding your um debt it's time to confront it fine
00:23:19
can help you face it and finally pay it off yeah you don't know what's going to come at you last last year showed us that and if you have
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00:24:17
do people recognize you in public at all no yeah like it's she's going back to school now oh how school kid is right so she goes
00:24:23
back to school she goes in she's friends with these two twins you said yeah you're right they're your
00:24:28
friends yeah so you were a mask the whole time mm-hmm and there's social distancing in the classrooms
00:24:34
in the classroom but outside no one is doing it yeah but you're outside are you doing it yeah uh-huh do they
00:24:40
make fun of you like look at the [ __ ] phone or wearing a mask no they don't they don't no so do they um
00:24:48
so the two twins that you're friends with um they're two guys yeah right and you knew them last year
00:24:54
before the pandemic yeah so when you came into class the first time this time what do they
00:24:59
say to you these are high
00:25:04
they're not they're not just let it just just let it this is what i have to deal with every day no no just let it what are their names alex
00:25:11
and jonathan and and which one do you like more i like both can you tell the difference
00:25:17
between the two no yeah because alex is shorter and jonathan is also they're fraternal
00:25:23
yeah and then jonathan has a red hair and alex says they're not identical no oh so oh well then that's no fun
00:25:29
that's no fun at all then why why do you even hang out with both of them you just pick the one you like and then move on yeah with twins
00:25:34
you kind of have to hang out with both of them usually because you're like i don't i can't make the other one feel bad because it's the same guy twice
00:25:41
you know like the sklar brothers which one do i like more i don't know i'm not allowed to pick oh yeah but um
00:25:47
she also been driving my car to school i know i'm really happy that you're driving and tell them what you did today i got
00:25:55
gas and then i paid i paid it but then when i oh you paid for the gas yeah and then oh
00:26:02
i thought it was already full so when i went back inside the car it still had two bars
00:26:11
wait a minute you put gas in the car and how much did you put in money-wise i i used my card how much did it say you
00:26:17
charged 49.50 49 only got you two just think about it the
00:26:24
logic of it think of the logic i'm not understanding i'll uh let me just
00:26:30
follow me speak for her she goes to the car she gets out she on she puts the thing
00:26:36
in right she puts a credit card in right yeah and um there's no way it's 49.50
00:26:43
i'll tell you why the logic of that is it's oh it's a prius twenty nine dollars right it's hybrid so
00:26:49
so the 49 was a guy from before guy from before right so she said her credit card was never
00:26:55
charged of course not okay so she has the thing in the thing right she's in the car now
00:27:01
i don't know how long she waits probably 15 minutes 20 30 minutes 20 minutes right yeah that's that's how i think she cheats out how long she thinks it takes
00:27:07
half of this episode yeah yeah yeah she's in the car she goes out she looks at the oh 49
00:27:14
50. whatever it must be four must be full what's the you thinking screws it back out gets in
00:27:20
the car she's driving now how come two bars oh because um
00:27:26
you got to squeeze the oh you got to pump the gas actually pump it out i did no no did you feel it you can feel
00:27:33
the liquid coming through yeah and i even saw liquid going out what do you mean there's no it's not see-through
00:27:43
it was an apple gas station it was clear yeah space gray you didn't see the liquid
00:27:48
coming out no you didn't you're just your credit card was not charged no yeah right no it wasn't charged
00:27:56
you didn't even ring it in you didn't press the [ __ ] regular did you put it out no you didn't which one are the
00:28:02
three buttons low medium or high yeah or did you do diesel diesel yeah she did diesel your car is gonna be right
00:28:08
unleaded that's exactly what it is unleaded yeah did you press on leather yeah yeah so what you're telling me is this
00:28:15
you had ghost gasoline yeah ghost gas that car is going to run on the hope you had ghost guys what you're telling
00:28:22
me is this is that we can sue shell oh yeah we should sue yeah sue them right for ghost gas
00:28:28
no right so what what do you think the logical thing is that you didn't do it right i didn't do
00:28:34
it right what i said i didn't do it right so you have to teach me
00:28:40
this is what i have to deal with but it's not i taught her how to play
00:28:53
yes we got to teach you how to pump some gas that's fine what are the things you need to learn they don't teach you this kind of stuff i guess
00:28:59
you know because in the philippines there's like a worker who does it right right we have that here in certain
00:29:04
states united states they they pump gas for you we don't do that here in california no yeah no a guy there's always a guy
00:29:10
and does he wash your windows too yeah how much do you pay him two dollars two dollars
00:29:15
okay that's a lot for them is it i don't know i don't know half a balloon here go get yourself a
00:29:23
balloon thank you to less than two dollars to to pump the gas clean the windows but now you got to worry about all sorts
00:29:29
of stuff what if the tires go flat what happens if you get a flat tire do you know about the have you talked about any of this stuff what if a tire goes flat what's going to
00:29:35
happen call a decalila okay so okay look you're driving on the freeway
00:29:41
union union and then ty you're starting what do you do what's the first thing you do
00:29:47
you slam on the brakes you push on the gas you slowly push on the brakes and then you go to the
00:29:52
right side oh someone took a driving she has a license you [ __ ] face it doesn't sound like it
00:29:58
apparently get take a phillips don't catch yourself and [ __ ] feel gas that's super important i know they should they should yeah they should
00:30:04
like what they probably they don't they don't teach you anything about it they just teach you how to follow their arbitrary rules like stop
00:30:10
signs don't stop at stop signs you know that right you don't have to you don't have to california it's so funny because when i'm driving because
00:30:16
she's she just took the classes everything i do she's like but uncle tito you're not supposed to what
00:30:22
and it's like i don't you know they're just suggestions yeah yeah really for me yeah they're just
00:30:27
saying hey maybe maybe do this yeah no thanks like all the stop signs should have a question mark stop no thanks yeah and just keep going
00:30:36
yeah your friends from another podcast uh were talking [ __ ] about you guys
00:30:41
these guys weren't getting i heard about it yeah these guys won't give up i heard about it
00:30:47
oh i wanted to bring up this to you guys i don't know if you saw bad friends uh they were they fired some shots at
00:30:54
you guys it was actually a response to theo calling out bobby that's creepy it was a response
00:31:00
you started the war know how you can tell he has an eye that just wanders
00:31:05
what about these two douchies are doing right is that you're trying to provoke a war with real warriors right with real warriors yeah yeah
00:31:11
they're trying to provoke a war with true warriors where yeah you know what with you know what we're mental we have mental capacities yeah yeah
00:31:18
here's the thing you and i say we're stupid all the time yeah we do that as a fun we go we're dumb and we're not that smart oh this is about these two guys yeah
00:31:25
honestly they said two guys i'm not kidding pound for pound be united the dumbest people i've ever met in my life i doubt that
00:31:33
it was a lot more of the same of that just just taking shots
00:31:38
and who are these guys i'm sorry look is it trying are they trying to do
00:31:44
a shitty version of king this thing pause it what yeah bring up the numbers
00:31:50
who's doing better don't do that don't do that we don't want to do that all right stop i don't want to do that but also yeah
00:31:57
bring out the numbers no
00:32:05
i understand i understand no we shouldn't because we know the numbers i know they're better and it feels good it feels good bring up the numbers
00:32:11
no but honestly but my point is is that they're great they are i'll admit one of these guys is a great comment um
00:32:18
[Laughter] you know it's tough to yeah would you
00:32:24
what are you talking about no but you know what i mean yeah yeah the numbers are right but who do you think talk to me
00:32:30
he's saying that you're a great comic i'm not i don't know i don't know yeah yeah but he's doing this to try to divide us
00:32:35
i know he's strong i know what he's trying to do mm-hmm i don't care i think you're a way better comic than i i think you're one uh play the video
00:32:41
okay that's good yeah by the way good texture and what here's the deal with what they
00:32:46
don't realize is that there's nothing that can destroy this it's a bond for life yeah yeah it's so thick and these two
00:32:53
they don't even these two out of work reality stars go ahead what else dude look these are great guys you know
00:32:58
i remember i was there for bobby and bobby doesn't like to talk about this um but when he uh
00:33:06
bobby a lot of people do not know audition to be in find it a find it find the line say
00:33:15
china i don't want to get the wrong ease but i want to say japanese or korean ease crannies and he it was a
00:33:22
uh what's the group of it's like the people and they can't they're kind of smaller and they're getting
00:33:27
older but they they they're trying to get that lady at the diamond mine or something i'm talking
00:33:34
about uh seven dwarfs seven dwarfs oh so bobby auditioned to be in that dude and
00:33:41
he was like the eighth dwarf or something bok choy
00:33:46
uh didn't get it bro and i remember reading the [ __ ] scripts with him and his the lines were so easy you know
00:33:54
it was like i'll wake her up you know just like basic [ __ ] man this isn't a daniel
00:34:00
day-lewis script you're saying and he went in there and just bombed it you know just [ __ ]
00:34:06
could not get it right yeah and um and i was there for him after that and so i mean i have like a long history
00:34:15
the history with the other guy um i because of this i checked out uh your
00:34:20
indb pages just to see you know who has worked more in it oh who's worked more
00:34:26
and it's kind of interesting if you guys want to see i'd love to see it yeah yeah i love to say thank you i have never i've never looked i never looked either
00:34:32
all right okay so let's see let's see whoa 75 credits there was that who is
00:34:39
that me yeah that's you and you and he's 15. that's close yeah that's pretty close
00:34:45
what does 75 minus more things fifth i don't know what vans because i think he's what are some of
00:34:51
the things films and a little bit sixty more things well he's probably done some really big stuff uh namcar night race official
00:34:57
music video that's pretty heavy burning man dan great movie they should have won an
00:35:03
oscar but he got snubbed i can't believe they got snubbed they got snobbed um and uh yeah some other
00:35:09
bangers there's some other bangers oh he did bad babies movie video that's also that's actually pretty awesome go up there that's pretty good oh but look
00:35:15
what it says bad babies music video child predator pedophile that's what he played yeah okay cool cool and then you can see
00:35:22
also andrew versus brandon yeah okay let's see i did how many things 30
00:35:28
things pretty good one [Laughter]
00:35:36
one thing that's very funny but the one thing he did was great it was phenomenal yeah what was it
00:35:41
fighter in the kitchen 3d anyway these guys are we love those they're up and coming they're on their
00:35:47
way they're not going to so just let them let a couple more years and then they may one day get to our level it'll pop they
00:35:53
might get to our level it'll pop yeah yeah it'll pop they're very good dudes we we love them both shout out to uh
00:35:59
johnny schwab and jason to uh schwab and bomb schwab schwab we love
00:36:05
those dudes man what else they got to say you want to see the rest of whatever they got to say not really but let's keep going by the way let's make it known again they
00:36:11
started this [ __ ] we didn't come with them yeah it's but you know what it it because you know we got a lot of people that are
00:36:17
trying to start [ __ ] with us including uh chrissy chaos and uh and sal volcano
00:36:23
over there yeah they sent us a bag of [ __ ] and we have our retaliation on the table you know what we were going to do to
00:36:28
them right we decided as a group that we want to give them a little slice of home a little spice of life yeah
00:36:34
so we've got some buzzers i've got my trimmer here i think we give them a bag of our pubes what do you say kiddo i have a lot of pews right now
00:36:40
i'd love to shave him all right rudy you got to leave the room for this inappropriate bit that we're about to do obviously love to shave them
00:36:45
so please get out of the room rudy yeah we're shaving pubes now yeah obviously insane get out all right
00:36:52
me can you okay come on in here and bring it where are the shavers do you even know who this is by the way he's great do you know his name randy
00:36:58
john randy yeah you think his name's randy yeah he's the best it's the funniest thing i've ever heard in my entire life yeah all right so how can we make sure
00:37:04
we get this in the bag how do we get in the bag hand you put it on the table you put it in your hands
00:37:10
how i'll show you all right let's show well no no you got to open the you got to open the bag first somehow
00:37:15
no you put it on the table you scoop it up in the bag and then you shuffle it in the bag good call let's okay go ahead you go
00:37:20
let's uh should we do at the same time hold on hold on we should do the same time bob hold on yeah all right hold on bob hold on
00:37:25
please close your eyes rudy don't go rude are you not allowed to look all right look at all my look at all
00:37:32
harry oh my god look at i've never seen orange pubes like that before i hate it
00:37:42
it's a lot right okay we should mix the orange and the
00:37:51
black in one bag oh you're right that's funny yeah that way they get it together because we are that's we're we're a unit
00:38:01
great gross
00:38:06
so many pubes it hurts okay all right so um
00:38:16
cubes everywhere let's do this as a ritual this is an old there's an old korean
00:38:21
ritual yeah you eat one little hair i eat what if you one of your hairs what ritual is
00:38:26
that it's a korean wood ritual is it really cause i feel like i've never heard of that before so i eat one of one of your
00:38:31
hairs it's it'll bond us for life i have to eat one of your pubes and you have to
00:38:37
eat one of mine yeah yeah and we have to stick it see it see it on the tongue i'll go first okay all right
00:38:46
look at the fluff there there's all my pubes on my phone oh dude please this is that's a lot
00:38:53
honest this looks like um don't do muppet hair please don't do it it looks like muppet don't do it don't do it
00:38:59
oh my god how does it taste go ahead
00:39:06
get some look at how long that one is yeah yeah
00:39:12
stick in your mouth stick it in your mouth no stick it in your mouth no i didn't see you do it
00:39:18
it didn't no you threw you threw it away dude i put in my mouth that's [ __ ] [ __ ] i'll give you a piece i'll give you a
00:39:24
piece no no yes no man dude no yeah i have to see it cause you know
00:39:30
what no give me your mouth no look at how many pubes that is i won't put it all there you didn't put any in your mouth
00:39:35
this is like first coming in it's like what first got me in here okay no that's so many put your right
00:39:42
[ __ ] hand the camera's on dude don't get [ __ ] ticked
00:39:51
all right let's mix them together here we go um i'll just do it in my bag okay yeah and send your bag over to me
00:39:57
so we're gonna give those guys a gift oh my gosh oh my god i know i shaved so close
00:40:07
i don't have a lot here huh i've got a ton i told you i was growing for a while yeah yeah
00:40:14
what was that gonna do that's not that's we should put [ __ ] in and come okay i'll do whatever you want to do bud
00:40:21
it's a lot a lot of poops coming out of me okay let's get this off the desk
00:40:30
though go ahead hello fresh hey man if you eat food and bobby and i both eat
00:40:36
food let me tell you something and you don't want to go get it you can get it delivered to you come on before i went on my last trip we
00:40:42
had hello fresh at the house and we had one of their hamburgers it was so damn good dude yeah it's so
00:40:47
good tell them more about it i'm surprised at how easy these things are to make honestly it's it's very simple they cut out stressful meal planning and
00:40:53
grocery store trips for you you can enjoy cooking at the house uh they have 10 to 20 minute meals low prep recipes i'm telling you i'm so dumb
00:41:00
with cooking i've watched a thousand hours of cooking shows i don't know how to make anything but it's so easy because it's step by step with
00:41:06
them with twenty five twenty five recipes to choose from each week yeah and there's something for everyone
00:41:11
like there's there's i bet you money there's you'll find something oh my god all recipes are designed
00:41:16
and tested by professional chefs and nutritional experts to ensure deliciousness
00:41:22
and simplicity over four out of five hello fresh customers say that hellofresh helps them lead a healthier lifestyle and it does low calorie they
00:41:28
got they got carb smart vegetarian options i've tried them all i really do like them all
00:41:33
and hello fresh is 20 cheaper than shopping at your grocery store they did the math you can easily change your delivery days
00:41:38
or food preferences and skip a week if you need to skip a week uh it's totally worth it we both love hello i really do
00:41:44
keep asking them to send me more and these these guys won't send me more because they i think george takes some of them because i want them yeah because i don't want to shop
00:41:52
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to receive first month free and we thank bluetooth for sponsoring the pod what do you think about this you think we came from monkeys oh yeah you do
00:43:44
oh yeah how long how many years billions billions of years we were then why are monkeys still around because they're
00:43:51
starting to evolve as well and so how long well how long will it take them a billion years and then what will we have another human
00:43:57
species and then we will evolve into something else what do you think we're going to involve well i think like our our like
00:44:04
our thumbs will not be there anymore yeah yeah i mean i think that eventually we're going to
00:44:10
have like controls we'll be half cyborg for sure half cyborg yeah yeah because we're going to
00:44:15
start putting they're going to start putting stuff in our bodies like nano nano nano technology
00:44:22
no bots you believe that yeah we'll have like our credit cards and you know you know all our information stored in
00:44:27
our body within chips i don't i don't like that chip so then when we walk by you know we get we go to cvs right there'll be no
00:44:35
no transactions yeah man but then it'll go you know zero what was the name of that movie uh
00:44:42
justin timberlake was in it were you like traded lifeline numbers what was that called time time yeah but it'll be it'll be
00:44:48
something like that so then you'll get robbed people stick a b like give me your arm and then you'll they'll they'll grab you for your chip no you
00:44:54
don't think that's a possibility no because i think inevitably it'll be like star trek where we will have no
00:44:59
crime you think in the future there's not gonna be any crime i don't think there's gonna be need for um money what's gonna replace money
00:45:08
our our quest for knowledge and growth what are you talking about i if you
00:45:14
would have said digital money i would have made more sense but like bitcoin and stuff yeah eventually we will evolve as a species
00:45:20
yeah and we will have no need for the things that even sex we won't have need for that's
00:45:25
insane it's an it's an innate human being we will evolve above it you think we'll go beyond sex
00:45:31
yeah that will just have babies how just by just by artificial insemination yeah through technology machines machines
00:45:38
we'll take an egg they'll take the sperm they'll put it outside of the body yeah yeah it'll happen quickly wow you're able to grow a baby
00:45:44
in like two weeks well you know you can already pick the baby you can pick like the what's that look that up what's that called you can pick like
00:45:50
the genetic you can pick the genetics of the baby you can choose like eye color now you can go into like all sorts of crazy
00:45:55
specifics yeah for millions of dollars you can pick what your baby's gonna look like would you do that no you want to gamble
00:46:02
you want to roll the dice no i'll tell you why because you know there are things about me that
00:46:08
to the lay person or you know an outside observer will go that's not good or you know i mean i
00:46:13
don't like that or right that way i don't like the way that looks or i don't like how that human is
00:46:18
behaving but to me there are specific you know bobby lee
00:46:24
traits that are my my own yeah right and i i would love to pass if me and
00:46:30
kalila had a baby i would love to see what our mixtures would do right and maybe our kid will definitely be
00:46:38
sensitive and [ __ ] up and wild right or the opposite you don't know we don't know
00:46:43
right it could have take taken out you know maybe more like my dad more withdrawn yeah i don't i don't know
00:46:49
with kalila but whatever it is you know our kid will be um our kid and it'll be interesting the mistakes will
00:46:55
be worth it i think so man yeah i think that um you know i've been watching a lot of baby
00:47:01
videos on youtube what do you mean just like baby goofy yeah like but baby is like
00:47:06
farting or laughing and stuff like that yeah i mean because your baby hungry right now i'm not baby hungry i just been you know i was
00:47:11
looking at dogs dogs and babies one of the same well i was look at dogs and then you know how you you look at dogs for a while and then
00:47:18
all of a sudden you know they'll suggest a baby one that's what i mean like baby yeah and all of a sudden you know 15 hours
00:47:25
later you're looking at aliens you know what i mean right you know i mean conspiracy theories yeah aliens built the pyramids and then you watch
00:47:31
tombs again so but um you've been watching a lot of baby videos and i kind of go
00:47:37
i think that's interesting and i think i want to try you want to make one [ __ ] yeah man
00:47:44
you do yeah kalila was on my show when we talked about i don't know what i don't want that's because i'm talking about you guys making a baby
00:47:50
what'd she say she's not into it
00:47:55
i know she's not no she is maybe she is no could we talk about it i don't she's sometimes she's in
00:48:01
sometimes she's sometimes she's out sometimes she feels like a nut sometimes you don't um you don't like babies at all right jules no i don't would you like our baby
00:48:08
no i'll be i'll be kind i'll be kind kind said the serial killer
00:48:15
i'll be kind would you so you won't like love it no i will care but i'll still hate babies
00:48:24
so interesting what is it about babies you don't like you don't like their little [ __ ] head they're big heads or you don't like the way they cry or what
00:48:30
is it i don't like everything about them you don't like anything about them
00:48:37
like there's no there's nothing cute about them i'll tell you why because she was the oldest in her clan right and she doesn't want
00:48:43
she had she had to raise little ones yeah it's annoying and she was much older right
00:48:49
me yeah yeah like your two brothers like your youngest brother how old is he
00:48:56
six six so you were like what you were 12 when they were born yeah 12
00:49:02
yeah 12. so it's like you know so she's like and then her mom's working her dad so she's like can
00:49:08
you look after and then you know this is a 12 year old you got your childhood taken away from you yeah yeah
00:49:13
that's why well that's that's why you hate kids yeah yeah god the way that we can damage kids is so sad
00:49:18
just by making them be babysitters huh yeah it's like it's little things it's like you know
00:49:25
i would have to take a course on how to raise a kid yeah what not to do yeah because look
00:49:30
everyone's gonna make mistakes but you still live the life of a teenage boy so it's it would be tough for you
00:49:36
like a baby schedule you play video games from from from bro bro bro bro
00:49:42
bro first of all yeah if i knew a baby was coming i would do
00:49:48
some you know internal you know voyages within myself
00:49:53
in what regard in terms of like um you stopped drinking red bulls start smoking stop playing video games certain things that i would have to
00:49:59
change what would you change [ __ ] man i would um
00:50:05
i would only i'd only play video games during the day don't believe it
00:50:12
okay i'm just telling you okay i would no more red bull you'd quit red bull i would drink just
00:50:18
coffee like black coffee i drink black coffee at home do i not right and complete smoking
00:50:24
completely forever you'd stop smoking 100 percent like that 100 percent faith documentary about the the murder of the
00:50:30
mormon mormons we didn't watch it we were going to watch it last night all these things i want to talk to you i saw it yeah but we
00:50:36
can't give away anything that people haven't seen yet what if they haven't seen it yeah it was [ __ ] crazy
00:50:42
mormons have always been that secret but this is different this is some this guy do we have water i
00:50:48
have a pube in my throat yeah we need some water i have like i like orange cubes in my mouth tell me about
00:50:55
the tell me about the mormons the documentary is about mormon artifacts
00:51:00
thank you thank you i mean like um wash down these pubes real fast maybe
00:51:06
two like old mormon literature documents
00:51:12
mormon the mormon thing was found right didn't he find it in a hat isn't that what it was no man joseph
00:51:18
smith smith the there was a moroni or whatever the [ __ ] god came down a [ __ ] eye
00:51:23
that's his name moroni here comes moroni moroni i am moroni i am moroni right and joseph
00:51:29
sleep was sleeping in the cabin i don't know exactly what it about i think this is happening i think i'm right there's a glow through the window
00:51:35
right right and i think [ __ ] i stuck his hand through the window and did like a little wake up yeah yeah that's what you do
00:51:42
when you're a spirit hey you can't just show up you got to put a hand through something and go hey right so just you know when you see a
00:51:50
spiritual hand through your cabin window yeah you get a little scared i'm sorry it's happened to me three times
00:51:55
right especially from a nap big time you're like what the [ __ ] right oh a spirit yeah yeah a spirit right but
00:52:01
then you realize oh it's moroni right so then um so joseph smith walked out of the
00:52:06
thing and mourinho was standing there and going well hey hey yeah i mean i'm moroni right [ __ ]
00:52:13
moroni whatever and joseph smith is probably i mean if that happened you'd be urinating yourself you pissed yourself a
00:52:19
little bit and you're trying to act cool because it's god hey god yeah yeah but you're really peeing have you pissed yourself
00:52:24
yeah you would know though right i i did right and he goes hey check this out and they go into the forest now i i for me
00:52:32
you know if [ __ ] and i said coming for i would have to ask what are we doing first because i'm not going in there we could always do it in
00:52:38
my kitchen yeah right you're already hung yeah where are we going but moroni he's noble yeah but joseph's the ding-dong so
00:52:46
yeah he's like right so he went in there and i guess bora and i took a shovel
00:52:54
yes because i guess they had shovels back then right yeah of course they shovel yeah and you start digging yeah and
00:53:01
obviously jones is like am i gonna die are you gonna bury me or whatever and then there was these golden tablets
00:53:06
tablets yeah do you remember those yeah they were buried they're buried yeah and he goes this is you know what i mean was left
00:53:14
out of the bible you know what i mean i forgot to put this in the bible it fell out right god was rushing and he's like put the
00:53:20
binding the bible together right and i freaking forgot he's like oh there's four pages in my office yeah yeah that's what happened yeah
00:53:26
and he also thousands of years later decided well he just remembered oh you think that's what it is well god was sitting around with a friend and he
00:53:32
was having a conversation yeah yeah and he was talking and he was like well you know he had he you know he had a house clipper
00:53:37
keeper cleaning his office yeah right and underneath the couch four pages
00:53:45
gone god what are these four pages i suck up your pages he's mexican anymore they have to be i
00:53:51
suck up your pages god yeah yeah and so what happened esmeralda yeah yeah yeah i suck up the four pages
00:53:58
yeah i think the bible and then he went whoa whoa whoa what the [ __ ] god you probably did holy [ __ ] he's
00:54:04
freaking out because he's already they've already published it's down there it's down there they've read it a hundred thousands of years
00:54:11
yeah you go wow [ __ ] that right here and then he and he goes what do i do
00:54:16
just moroni that's what he said mourinho is like yeah spot yeah yeah
00:54:21
what do you need you gotta go down to earth yeah oh boy okay
00:54:27
and uh yeah i'll make these gold it'll be heavy god i'll just take the
00:54:33
sheets if you don't mind right the regular paper makes it hard for you okay i'll take gold right
00:54:39
so then he goes send him down there and he probably because if i was god i would be like go to new york
00:54:47
right yeah i wouldn't go go to utah utah right in the middle of the [ __ ] you
00:54:52
know what i mean first of all you'd place it somewhere uh uh uh holy god would have been like go to the vatican
00:54:58
right where the pope is sleeping and put it atop the his house he would have the pope or go to the you
00:55:03
would go to the pope yeah you wouldn't you just don't need to joke and go bury it
00:55:08
i mean i imagine moroni goes down that's what it was he was supposed to go to vatican city to the pope and moroni
00:55:13
comes down here the goofball that he is and he forgets where he's going they didn't have google maps no how does he know they have google maps
00:55:19
yeah no map quest he doesn't print out directions he's i guess this is it he looks like he's in the middle of the [ __ ] forest in utah
00:55:26
in one cabin he probably wasn't even supposed to see joseph of course not yeah yeah of course not and joseph that guy
00:55:32
is the guy i was trying you know i mean joseph was sleeping joseph benson they're picking his nose jacking off in a [ __ ] cabin
00:55:38
right and he goes come with me to the forest yeah so he goes out there and so um there's pubes on my mic i know me too
00:55:44
it's i still have pubes in my mouth me too yeah it's very but um
00:55:51
and it's so i had one pube between my teeth i think and i wet it no it's not i wet it now it's no it's a
00:55:56
white noodle it's a noodle it's a noodle orange pube in my mouth but so then um they go to the force and
00:56:02
he says so this is and he goes and you can make another book with these pages
00:56:08
he's like what i got but yeah also it's like i'm playing chess with my wife i got [ __ ] going on you know man got a
00:56:14
whole thing planned yeah and then he's like yeah this is called this the book of mormon because
00:56:21
moroni is that why that's right okay and so then i guess that's how the church was
00:56:26
started that's exactly right right and then um so what the documentary is about is um i guess in the beginning of the
00:56:34
church there were a lot of documents because back when you're starting a religion now you got to keep tabs you got to write [ __ ] you got to write
00:56:39
it all down right so there were some ladders written you know what i mean and um
00:56:45
they the documentary is about this one guy mark hoffman love the name yeah who
00:56:52
he at an early age discovered one of the earliest documents right of
00:56:59
mormon literature right and um i have to give away the show okay
00:57:06
spoiler alert if you haven't seen the documentary then look away it's not interesting skip skip skip skip skip and it'll be
00:57:11
time coded below you'll see you want to go to the next yeah yeah okay go ahead but it's also something that was also world famous that so it was no it's
00:57:19
known it was known so this guy discovers that he's he's and then all of a sudden he discovers
00:57:24
like all even stuff that has nothing to do with mormon um um literature or or or history what is
00:57:31
just like american history [ __ ] you mean like you know a letter from john adams is something right cool and he's discarded
00:57:38
he goes to flies in new york goes all over the country and he's disgus that's what he's a treasure hunter where is he finding
00:57:44
all this [ __ ] like he go to he goes to libraries he he looks things up like you know i mean
00:57:49
and he goes and but at the end of the day and he sells [ __ ] like he sells you know
00:57:55
you know so the first one was a letter from joseph smith's wife to somebody wife to
00:58:01
somebody and it says in the letter that there was no moroni it was a white salamander
00:58:09
what what yeah bring up a picture of a white salamander so i can see what he's talking about
00:58:15
so a white salamander showed up at jo i'm not kidding that's what moroni looks like no that wasn't moroni no so the letter goes you
00:58:22
know it wasn't [ __ ] it was actually a white salamander very cute by the way very cute who like very cute very cute unbelievable again
00:58:28
led joseph smith to the the tablets by the way i'm going with that thing in the woods yeah yeah yeah going right to the woods
00:58:33
yeah if that little thing is like hey come to the woods yeah yeah i guess i'm going to the [ __ ] woods yeah also what are you doing out of the water and how long can
00:58:39
you be out of the water yeah yeah that would be concerning yeah how long can you be out of the water well i would have a bucket
00:58:45
right hold on hold on i would get like you know my you know passani water purified water like really
00:58:52
good [ __ ] pasani yeah or fiji or whatever and put in a nice you know me clean that would stick i put little rocks in
00:58:58
their leaves no nice white celery just let me know you know a point and he'd be like that way so he
00:59:03
in the letter it says a a white salamander led him to write the tablets
00:59:10
which destroys all of your means sure the mormons you know thinking about how
00:59:15
it started in the first place they think of salamanders it throws everything off right right so
00:59:21
you know and then so the mormon church bought it now they're like okay no no they wanted a bite to hide it
00:59:28
right we can't get let that [ __ ] out there yeah man they'll find out that right because moroni is our guy we have statues
00:59:33
we built a lot yeah we built a lot from iran so that he would do he discovered all these letters and you
00:59:38
know you know and let me guess what they killed him no
00:59:44
they had him killed no no he did blow up in a car so they had him killed no
00:59:51
bobby he blew up in a car how do you think that cars don't just blow up all the time this isn't casino i'm telling you can i
00:59:58
tell you what it is then yeah leak it spoiler alert all over the [ __ ] place well then i won't tell you you're asking me
01:00:03
i'm saying to them i'm listening to you man people are listening he all of it
01:00:10
in fact the salamander lender letter went to the fbi it was fake the fbi looked at it
01:00:17
authentic it's fake he's the he's the greatest forger
01:00:24
to ever live on planet earth wow what year was this in the 80s yeah but the technology was whack back
01:00:29
then we didn't have a forensic scientist science either it doesn't matter for the fbi to look at a letter and go this is legit from you know what i mean
01:00:36
yeah look at some of the letters look at some of the letters show me some salamander letter where's the salamander letter
01:00:41
wow that's what he forged stretch that out baby and what he would do is this dude yeah the white salamander letter
01:00:49
so what he would do is he would take you know paper and age it but he not only would the age
01:00:55
it he would write the letter right he would take a suctioner on the other side of the thing
01:01:00
to suck because i guess when ink bleeds ink bleeds through time so he sucks all the ink into the page
01:01:07
right he puts chemicals on it dries right he puts he puts he made this um jar where he lit
01:01:16
smoke so the letter would get smoke wow and he would do it it would take
01:01:21
months to create one of these masterpieces sure and there was no way to differentiate that's art right and people went all by
01:01:29
that they they were gonna buy one that was 1.5 million dollars so what happened was one guy was on to
01:01:35
him or whatever so he sent him a package blew him up there's another guy his buddy he blew up
01:01:41
and then the next day he goes oh i think they're all pointing at me that i blew these guys up they died right so i'll just kill myself
01:01:48
so he who was this guy that did all the killing hoffman right the guy that does the forge ring
01:01:55
he he killed all these other guys yeah because they think they're on to him on to him and then he kills himself the
01:02:00
next day he but he doesn't die he blows up in a car he's so good at this but he can't kill
01:02:06
himself yeah right and then he's on the sidewalk he's on fire right he's everything's gone right
01:02:14
he's just right and he's alive they saved this guy yes people came out it's half man you
01:02:20
know what i mean you know what i mean hoffman's on fire fire right and then he wakes up in in in the hospital
01:02:26
right yeah and um he's still alive now wow where is he is he in prison yeah no
01:02:32
he's [ __ ] hawaii well some of these guys they got away from whitey bulger was living in venice
01:02:38
no but he um yeah it's an amazing documentary is he wow yeah it's he had everyone full
01:02:45
and he's he was he did it he as a kid would do [ __ ] like that
01:02:50
ford stuff no he loved pranking people oh this is a long prank that's a good bit yeah and he always just said like mtv's
01:02:57
historic pranks yeah so it was like um who would host
01:03:02
that [ __ ] he's he's the best at whatever that is also andrew you have that prank called
01:03:08
you did to the video store oh let's hear it
01:03:16
hey is this the video store yes cool so i'm sitting here with my buddy and we're having a conversation about some of the
01:03:22
greatest movies ever made okay and this [ __ ] guy is talking about
01:03:27
the movie elf you ever seen this movie elf the movie l it's the christmas movie [ __ ] will
01:03:34
ferrell yeah okay okay yeah yeah i've seen that yeah this [ __ ] guy said that elf is better than enter the dragon i'm
01:03:42
gonna put this [ __ ] on the phone elf is phenomenal oh my god don't even
01:03:47
please please whatever that that's some [ __ ] excuse my french i'm sorry it's not
01:03:54
not even the case no it's unique memorable lines great film it's incredible no i'm not gonna say
01:04:00
it's not a bad it's it's not a terrible movie right but you can't compare to any two one of these martial
01:04:05
arts what your body just said man it's no comparison to me you can only compare it on a technical
01:04:11
level it's a [ __ ] christmas movie exactly i watch this stuff for christmas like without karate moves you can watch
01:04:17
it year round exactly you know yeah elf is the illest [ __ ] yes yes
01:04:25
that's exactly it's funny but but like i said it's no comparison to a martial arts movie even like for example it man man one
01:04:32
it meant two it meant three four as no comparison man elf is better i i'm
01:04:40
sorry i cannot even justify that really i mean i even brought up mean streets one of the
01:04:47
greatest movies of all time this [ __ ] guy still says elf is better over mean streets
01:04:52
oh my good thank you thank you thank you well i don't like mean streets i love elf
01:04:58
[Laughter] something else that you think will beat out as far as martial arts
01:05:04
yeah okay okay martial arts right now i might say into the dragon china's
01:05:10
connection five things are definitely hitman four hit men one um crotch and tiger hidden dragon i'll
01:05:17
keep going on and on man oh that's tough um that's very tough
01:05:22
i'm gonna go with of course elf shogun assassin
01:05:29
elf is better that's the killer elf is better fist of the white lotus three evil
01:05:35
masters elf is better the extensive knowledge that that guy has of kung fu movies i
01:05:40
don't agree with him either though somebody cut that up that was really good that guy that cut that up and used my voigt
01:05:46
well that's not real are you out of your mind that's a fan of ours used that clip
01:05:51
of the argument we had about elf episode many episodes ago
01:05:57
he cut my voice up that's usually one of those machines whoa yeah that's not me that's a fan using
01:06:02
like that's really good it's also very scary they can cut us up to say anything that is pretty scary think about the [ __ ] that we say on the
01:06:08
show another guy though that calls he's the fan he calls the video store and he pretends to be my buddy sitting
01:06:14
in the same room with me using our voice shout out to fart simpson as far as we know yeah yeah yeah no he took my voice
01:06:19
and clipped it up from when we got out of here i really enjoyed it when are you going to uh hungary
01:06:24
are you excited can we tell the fans that you're going to budapest yeah i mean i guess you can say that i'm going to budapest i just i'm a little
01:06:31
bobby's going to shoot a movie for three weeks or four weeks five weeks wow five weeks yeah
01:06:37
maybe that'll be the end of the show i'm nervous about it i'm really nervous about it why are you nervous because you know
01:06:45
it's like i i don't know it's because i don't really are the girls coming no uh collar will mid trip yeah but it's
01:06:52
like it's you know i'm i'm never invited to do big things this is huge it's a huge
01:06:58
movie and i have a small obviously like you know it's as small as what i did in harold and kumar who cares who cares
01:07:04
right but it's like um there is an excitement but there's also a little of
01:07:09
unknown factor of like yeah i mean what is you know because i've been on uh two
01:07:14
times because i was in um that was a big movie set was the dictator and i also was in um um pineapple express yeah
01:07:23
pretty big you know mean so huge movies huge movies and um it's just a different you know thing and
01:07:28
then i thought i was kind of out of the game for many many years just doing you know
01:07:34
my own thing with you and all this stuff it felt good but then now i get invited to this thing so it's
01:07:39
exciting i guess it's going to be huge but yeah that's going to be such a bit such a are you proud of tito bobby she doesn't give
01:07:44
a [ __ ] i don't care what she says are you proud jules yeah i am she's proud of you yeah
01:07:49
she's never seen anything i've done that's not true she has we talked about it look at her face
01:07:54
she's never seen anything i've done i've seen splitting up together that's a good show
01:08:00
[ __ ] you wait a minute it was a good show yeah yes you did it got canceled but it was a good show yeah didn't deserve to be i'll tell you that
01:08:06
did not deserve to be i'm on my sixth month of filming dave a lot of fans say why do i say davey
01:08:12
because you say that yeah um i'm gonna stay honest with you i've never seen dave said the right way just now fine right
01:08:19
yeah i don't know but you know from the clips i've seen clips it's a funny looking show not being real be
01:08:27
on i'm being honest with you okay and i've seen ads with you in it yeah like advertising with you in it right
01:08:33
okay you look great in it and give you a compliment man thanks and did you have to audition for that
01:08:38
they they uh they did they ran me through a big a big rigma role i don't think you auditioned i did did
01:08:45
you audition for it i did no you didn't i had to do chemistry reads with dave yeah but you didn't audition for it
01:08:50
same thing i do chemistry with dave this is okay i just want to let everyone know what this is this is okay most
01:08:57
people i had to audition shut the [ __ ] up man
01:09:02
it's insane it's not insane i had to audition let me finish what i'm saying can i get my
01:09:08
podcast too stop acknowledging me and get through it then go i will okay so most people you know your
01:09:14
average actor they call their agent and they go hey is there anything right and they're
01:09:21
asian cars hey baby i'm on the i'm out of my uh gulfstream jet right now i don't know there's nothing
01:09:26
nothing down on earth right good luck and then they hang up on them right yeah but some people um they go
01:09:34
hey they really fx really wants you for this thing but obviously you have to do a chemistry read with the
01:09:41
lead right they already saw 2 300 people for
01:09:46
the part to stop don't shake your head again and if you roll your eyes i'll gouge them out
01:09:51
all right we'll gouge them out right they're gonna chemistry you right and who um
01:09:58
seth green probably right it's always like two big names you and
01:10:04
seth green either one of you will get it come and read you show up they have [ __ ] cappuccinos yeah
01:10:09
right you don't sign up no you go and you talk you talk shop whatever you want to put it on the feed
01:10:15
you know you're also in a beautiful like rehearsal hall it's not like a little office no i did mine in a
01:10:21
little [ __ ] cube and so they go and then you show up and you go no let me finish my cappuccino and then we'll do it
01:10:26
yeah right so you drink your cappuccino you gotta go take a phone call real fast right and then um you do it and it's
01:10:33
like after you're done you know everyone laughs you know you know it's like one of those things where when people audition they go the
01:10:40
customer goes all right thank you and you kind of leave but what he does is they after they do they take the ah they
01:10:45
laugh right i go man you improvised that right line you impressed that like that was great man it was good we were in sync let's do it again let's
01:10:51
try this one i mean and they they work on it yeah for about an hour for about an hour right and when you audition you have to park on
01:10:58
the street 15 miles away right and then you have to go through 15 gates just let me finish
01:11:04
all right yeah 15 gates right and you have the show id and then it's like then you show up in a [ __ ]
01:11:09
hallway with 50 people you sign your name you have to wait for three hours and then you go into a little office but
01:11:14
for his thing chemistry reading right he gets to drive on the lot did you drive on
01:11:20
did you drive on did you drive on no yeah you did he drives on he has have
01:11:26
his name on a [ __ ] [ __ ] thing right you park right you probably have a room at first of all
01:11:32
i had a driver so i didn't drive all right my point is is that it's a little different it's a little different but i know i had
01:11:38
to audition for the show that's not auditioning i didn't do the it's not like the oh it was it was anyway um thank you for being
01:11:44
a bad friend [Laughter] thank you for being a bad friend
01:11:54
[Music]
01:12:05
as we're literally descending into lax right these flight attendants are all
01:12:10
strapped in right and in my mind i'm like i'm counting i'm like i i don't feel i i just kind of
01:12:18
calculated in my mind right of my body i go yeah there's i can't there's no way i'm never gonna
01:12:23
make it never gonna make it have a good job get up right yeah and then the stewardess go
01:12:29
sit down sit down we're just sending and i turn to first class diarrhea
01:12:38
i don't know what else to say right i'm in the [ __ ] plane right yeah i i pulled out my pants right a
01:12:44
jackson pollock painting right i i've never been on in the
01:12:50
bathroom landing have you ever done that no oh you feel so guilty but how cool is it
01:12:57
it's cool and also you don't need a seat belt i was able to do it yeah yeah i was well had my pants down right i was [ __ ]
01:13:03
all over the place right but i was shooting all over the place right and and then i get out right and then i had to go to the
01:13:10
stuart everyone and go i'm sorry i just i don't feel well and they're like it happened sir but sir
01:13:15
don't ever do that again [Music]
