00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:07
are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends no you know you know what it is the themes
00:00:20
don't do the themes and then that's what [ __ ] me the themes [ __ ] me up the theme look around look what andreas
00:00:26
put someone happy cinco de mayo you you know do you know what ticket to mayo means rudy no what is it yeah you do you know what it is right no
00:00:47
yes i do what is it it's happy fifth mayonnaise happy fifth mayonnaise my favorite cinco de mayo movie is la bamba
00:01:01
that's a great movie all right can i ask you a question i had a dream too richie one of his brother his brother was an
00:01:07
artist right yeah right and then at the end of the movie he had to get it out you know you have to i had a dream dude yeah but your art's
00:01:13
not as good as his it's really bad oh he's a cartoonist right it's bad yeah it's not good
00:01:18
yeah so you don't have to say that out it's like you know it's like you know if i was one of the bald ones you are
00:01:25
kinda oh yeah alec billy bobby yeah if you were a baldwin dude if i was a bald one dude but i was adopted if i was genetically what a good story by the way yeah you know the ball you
00:01:37
know the wahlburgers have a burger joint yeah the baldwins have like a just like a [ __ ] korean street food yeah billy
00:01:45
yeah the one the one the one i the one brother i wouldn't get along with that thing is stephen no you would not get along with steve
00:01:51
because he's kind of alty right he's all he is he also right yeah he's kind of like
00:01:56
you know right-wing a little bit oh he is yeah he doesn't get along with uh alec and all those guys i mean they
00:02:01
still hang out and stuff but and alec is like [ __ ] so far left yeah he's the most left and his brother
00:02:08
is super super far right yeah but stephen bobby's in the middle but steven's daughter she's hot
00:02:14
she is isn't she dating who's dating um justin bieber yeah that's oh right that is his daughter i thought it was alec baldwin's dog no stephen baldwin's daughter
00:02:26
oh is a haley hayley baldwin baldwin bieber haley baldwin yeah and i would decree if i was a if that if i was the adopted um like adopted like uh uncle yeah
00:02:37
i would probably try to talk her out of bieber so i could get in there can you imagine trying to convince her
00:02:42
to be with you instead of justin bieber yeah go ahead and do it i'm haley baldwin that's creepy though i'm haley baldwin
00:02:48
go well if since that was adopted hey what's that if i was adopted i would have a little accent yeah you of course you would yeah
00:02:53
yeah hey what's up oh bob hey it's so good to see you are you going to join us for dinner no no i want to talk to you oh what's up
00:02:59
do you want to talk to me alone no you know you know back in the shed you want to go outside to the shed yeah just i'm going to talk to you real
00:03:06
quickly let me just ask justin justin is that okay yes justin get the [ __ ] out of here hey hey don't talk to just like by the way
00:03:12
you did a great show at the uh at the fight you know where he did the fight oh yeah yeah very good very good yeah
00:03:18
you did baby yeah yeah we'll be right back we're going to go to the she's just in all of a sudden
00:03:24
we're going to go to the chat okay okay okay here we go anyway anyway what did you want to talk
00:03:29
to me about yeah i want to talk to you about you unusual suspects [Laughter] yo your dad you know my brother steve your dad my brother yeah he did a really good job it's so
00:03:42
good so good yeah you know who else was it it was the kevin spacey was it i went to the premiere kevin spacey yeah
00:03:49
yeah i love him yeah he's a really good actor you know me but he's such a people
00:03:56
person yeah well when i went to the premiere you know with the unusual social premiere
00:04:02
right uh kevin goes come to the bathroom like like i did with you at the shed yeah sure he did the one come to the
00:04:08
bathroom what did you guys do in there well i pee in you you know when i go to the bathroom i wash my hand first yeah right
00:04:14
i i washed my head twice i washed my hair first yeah right i pee right because i'm from china
00:04:20
where's your name really yeah i thought you were a korean away yeah right so i go in i wash my hand for right i pee pee right then sometimes i get the
00:04:33
pee pee on my hair sure i watch again right anyway this time i wash my hair right and kevin washed
00:04:40
his hand but not in the faucet on my ass crack i don't know why he was doing back there
00:04:46
everybody was just kind of doing this you know what i thought you were saying i thought you're gonna say that while you're washing your hands yeah kevin spacey put his penis in between
00:04:51
your hands that's a funny that's a funnier you're like that's funny you wash your hands he just slips his
00:04:59
dick in here yeah he's like what's going on yeah and it would it would be it'd be weird because your hand is would be wet yeah that'd be
00:05:06
good but you're like i can't keep the soap won't come off so um oh there he is there's space dog
00:05:11
anyway i don't know why i brought you to the chat oh yeah i forgot i was just telling you i was telling how
00:05:18
much i love our youtube suspect anyway uh just some people he uh he gay he is he i know for [ __ ] okay because when kevin
00:05:29
spacey when i was washing my hand yeah and his penis was in my hand right he told me he goes yeah do it like
00:05:36
you know do it like people do it oh just like bieber so i was going what people what two and
00:05:43
two click in my head right i go aha all right and number two you know you and i are not
00:05:49
blood related but you know what what if you were hitting on me and i was haley bald bieber yeah i'd be into it no i don't think so i
00:06:01
would especially when you have those beanies on when you let me tell you something when you wear beanies your sex quotient goes through the roof
00:06:07
without beanies fine you're cute bob yeah with the beanie there's something that you do with a little beanie do you wear beanies
00:06:13
when you're naked i whip what i do i sometimes i'll wake up right jewels i mean look at this your beanie your your beanie sex quotient goes through the roof by the way that picture that i think liz vid
00:06:24
liz vigiano took of you this one the with the green shirt top right oh that's dope i think that's one of the best photos you you have and she is so talented
00:06:32
she's the best what's her name again liz viggiano yeah yeah she's so good she's the [ __ ] best
00:06:37
what's this so cinco de mayo what else hispanic movies do you like three amigos really good at movies
00:06:45
such a good movie yeah really good i mean granted the three you ever see three amigos oh it's a classic you have to watch it
00:06:50
it is three white guys which does really it's really appropriate yeah but you know who was in it
00:06:56
that you don't you're not aware but he was a comedy store guy hold on let me guess you're not gonna guess it well no no i'll give you a i'll give you a
00:07:01
paycheck i know this is my wife's favorite movie literally if you guessed that name okay so it's a stand-up
00:07:07
right he's a comedy store legend yeah right he was in the movie okay and um was he
00:07:13
one of the mexican gangsters no don't do you can't okay okay okay no guesses he was mexican
00:07:19
he still is i hope i don't think he was i don't think he's mexican in real life but he played mexican in three amigos
00:07:25
yeah okay yeah yeah and he might be i know we have to look it up later but um he was in the movie
00:07:31
and i'll give you um all my proceeds that i make now seriously for this episode and i'll give it to you okay i'm never
00:07:38
gonna guess that's how i pulled up freddy soto no he was [ __ ] freddie still with
00:07:44
three years old when that [ __ ] dude i know i don't know i don't know who it was his name but we got the first right name
00:07:49
right his friend freddie prince no his name was freddy asparagus shut up bobby freddy asparagus look it up freddy asparagus that's it that was his state what's his real name that's his name
00:08:01
freddie asparagus that guy at the bar that's him that's one of my favorites love that guy freddie asparagus i [ __ ] told you
00:08:07
dude freddy asparagus can i tell you something about fred asparagus yeah that scene
00:08:12
i know is one of my fav he's like he was so good you're here for the germans yeah yeah
00:08:19
yeah freddy asparagus he was a comedy store guy oh yeah bro yeah was he funny we'll go freddie
00:08:26
asparagus um comedy store just put see what that happened hold on one second that tequila scene by the way when they're like
00:08:32
yeah yeah yeah yeah that's one of the best scenes about yeah i can't you need to watch three amigos yeah
00:08:37
yeah that's okay it's so it's so sad because there's a there's a whole group of like comics that you know the comedy store is
00:08:43
known for um you know the famous people that came out of there sure but there were a whole um
00:08:50
group of guys and girls that like almost made it that we're like you know um that nobody
00:08:57
knows about let me say that's the majority of people right yeah but they were all but they were also mitzi's favorite so they would
00:09:02
get spots every night right right so there's like you know freddy asparagus then you have
00:09:08
wild willy parsons dude i know who that was yeah yeah and then you have um um it's atsuku
00:09:16
um there's a whole group and it's kind of sad well because they were like cult classic versus commercial classic
00:09:23
films same kind of thing like mitzi liked quirky weird specific really unique comics but
00:09:29
it doesn't mean they were gonna have commercial success but she also knew who was gonna blow up no but there was one who okay so there was one
00:09:37
if you ask anybody from the 80s you asked jim carrey you asked anyone from that era right yep um howie mandel
00:09:44
whoever it might be you go roseanne bar you go name me one person that back then you thought was going to be the biggest star ever and you've never even heard of him his name was finnis henderson
00:09:58
finnish looked that up finis henderson i think that's his name and what he and what happened did he die
00:10:05
that's him he looks like dice in that topic yeah that's dennis anderson he's a weird-looking kid yeah yeah so
00:10:12
this guy right apparently when he performed it was like standing out like he did you know why because he sang dance didn't impress he's saying dead
00:10:25
impressions twist twirl right in a 15 minute spot yeah and then people in the back would
00:10:30
be like oh [ __ ] i gotta follow this guy because anyone that does music and does the dancing right right and he
00:10:37
crushed it i heard is he not still around did he i don't know i've never met him go to the go to the picture of him in the white beater
00:10:43
on the down left third row yeah so that's that's that's fine and he can do your hedges
00:10:48
and plant [Laughter] for 13.99 he looks he looks like it's not going as well as it was when you were talking about it yeah yeah but you know what's so weird he's like an extra in oz that's what he looks like
00:11:02
doesn't he look like you know i mean yeah he has one line in odds yeah yeah oh dude or he's like you know he's the guy
00:11:08
that he in a movie he's the convict right that's older he's that that cleaned up his act and is
00:11:14
teaching other kids yeah yeah i'm not doing that no more yeah he's that guy what do you mean finn you were the one that left this block
00:11:20
right look at the vein like how about this it's like they had the guy that took that head shot
00:11:27
hey did you take any photos um where it didn't expose every vein in my neck actually i bet you he wants that as the look yeah can you photoshop all the veins in my neck hey hey you're
00:11:38
my photographer i'm finn yeah this is a regular photo tell tell me to give you some more vayne well here's the first shot ready yeah
00:11:43
yeah um no um if in yeah can i call you finn of course yeah yeah um can you um for right before i shoot
00:11:52
don't breathe for like 15 seconds okay right and also just tense your body up okay and then and then okay lean your head
00:11:59
back yes right yeah and just especially on your neck just tense everything but don't breathe as well is that good for photos
00:12:05
you think it's great people love it you're gonna work all the time all right well give me the case i'll tell you right you know what's big
00:12:10
right now rules um a lot of roles where um convicts need to shoot heroin through their neck
00:12:17
oh really yeah there's a lot of parts that way okay heroin neck shooters all right yeah cam up let's go all right so
00:12:22
anyway dude i'm ready you're breathing bring up the camera let's go stop breathing ready all right one two three
00:12:30
[Laughter] that's what it is i hope venice is doing well by the way i hope you're doing well
00:12:37
i don't know where you are i hope you're also look look at his lips right yeah work done work down work done look at that and how
00:12:45
about this can i say this too you know whoever did the headshot right or his makeup right
00:12:51
could he have said hey um do you guys have anything a moisturizer for my lips or lip no chopstick nothing we don't we don't okay just go because it's really we're in the desert right now
00:13:02
i know i don't know why we're shooting the desert but holy [ __ ] dude put something on there orphan finn i hope
00:13:07
you're doing well whoever if you so he used to be the crusher he was a crusher well you know maybe he's still doing great he's doing his own thing and
00:13:13
he's doing his own way i have one more name for you i wonder why these stories beaumont
00:13:19
green beaumont bacon beaumont bacon just stop for a second why did everybody have names beaumont bacon dude right but my bacon was a japanese guy
00:13:30
no beaumont bacon was a woman really yeah that's her right that's her right there
00:13:36
that's beaumont bacon there's beaumont bacon i love beaumont baby so beaumont bacon was in the movie
00:13:41
jerry maguire she had one line wait you're not gonna remember i should jerk off to that movie what opening scene
00:13:49
he's having sex with her in his in his do you remember the opening i just drove up to a reanimator
00:13:56
you know what reanimators no re-animator was a horror movie re-animator yeah reanimator
00:14:03
did you like that movie movie it's a b movie yeah it's called reanimator oh dude all right so there's a scene where
00:14:09
i think this woman is like she had her tits out that's hot right so i would pause the evcr right
00:14:15
because yeah back then when you're in high school we had vcrs you can't find them no you can't find i
00:14:22
don't know if a car could go nowhere right you have to pause the video you have to get what you get right right so she was like
00:14:31
yeah and i would pause perfectly right and i would look to see if my parents were like sleeping in and i would just jerk off
00:14:37
frantically yeah and then i would feel s you know that feeling yeah of you when you after you
00:14:43
unload shame it's like a hole in your gut yep and you can feel the wind blowing through it it's so empty yeah you feel like you feel you feel like the saddest boy in the world yeah and
00:14:54
meanwhile you're just sitting there after your nut and you have like come on your hand little teenage calm
00:14:59
yeah yes it's very sticky viscous viscous viscous viscous yeah and you just like and you start wiping
00:15:06
it on your shirt or whatever right and there's just a sadness there you call your dog you come here come here punch a dog
00:15:11
no no you grab a couple of socks yeah that re-animator uh the the headless tit thing look dude we all had she was headless though i don't know i don't think she was just someone was headless in the
00:15:22
scene i don't think she was i think that somebody was headless i mean i used to do it to scramble you know scramble television you know
00:15:28
scramble porn channels [Music] and then you'd get like and you're like oh hold on to that noise
00:15:35
you hear one more and you'd see maybe a little half tip that would fade in and sap away we had to jerk off to
00:15:41
imagination to medical books what like from health class or something yeah where there was like the uterus a drawing of a woman's body yeah right half of it's like inside it's
00:15:54
open all of her insides yeah i mean right her lungs where the ribs are right in the other half right so i would just
00:16:00
close one i would close one eye and just have it i would like anything yeah anything well dude i mean uh uh uh victoria's secret was my mom never got it she's like i i can't
00:16:13
believe i don't get those anymore i'm like yeah i can't believe you don't get them either i don't know where they all went meanwhile like underneath your mattress
00:16:19
is like you know oh dude you couldn't i would use it i would jerk off in it yeah and then i would stuff it in my backpack
00:16:24
rolled up yeah you know filled with and i put in my backpack and on my way to school i would hide it
00:16:29
in other trash cans in the neighborhood can i admit something that give it baby so there was this girl named rebecca
00:16:35
druskin do we want to say her name yeah she's a friend okay now and she used to date this guy named
00:16:41
michael carano do we want to say his name yeah because he works for the improv we're good he's a good friend of mine then we're great
00:16:47
so rebecca you're not going to be able to find her well don't google her yeah yeah yeah that's fine yeah that's cool leave bacon up there yeah yeah i want to
00:16:54
tell you about your bacon yeah i want to know about beaumont i'll tell you about before tell me she has a southern accent she does 100
00:16:59
okay so um let's go to bowman first and then i'll go to that okay okay so because i don't want to see her face
00:17:04
anymore are you kidding me i love it yeah i want to get rid of it she goes hey hey y'all so bulma bacon was like one of those girls
00:17:10
that mitzi always put on at 10 o'clock friday saturday she got 10 spots oh yeah that's
00:17:15
incredible and she was a screamer was she was she were people coming to see her are you okay oh my god have some red bull papa okay i think that's what the problem is that's okay okay yeah you always got to
00:17:29
fix the problem with the problem so um she would destroy it right but she was like she was a female version of sam kinnison ah right that kind of act screaming high
00:17:41
level super high energy in so many male comics were like trying to get her out of there because
00:17:46
they were threatened by her i think at the end of the this is a time when there was not chelsea handler wasn't around none of
00:17:53
the girls were around right right the the class of people that we know now so back then the comedy story
00:17:58
was wrong i was a kid was margaret there then she wasn't a store person but um there was not a lot of girls there all the women that would tell you about right now you've never heard of give me some of
00:18:10
them there was this one named cheryl vendetti though we used to wear a like one of those um
00:18:15
um feathered scarfs around her neck and she would wear like a 1940s you know i mean she's like natasha yeah but she was a wait like a waitress from like in new york in the 40s you
00:18:26
know right or captain i don't know what they did back then but um they all tap danced yeah yeah i've got your dreams she would
00:18:32
come in and with the makeup and she would do a thing uh then we had a guy named um a
00:18:37
girl you mean oh yeah girl um then we had one a friend of mine kelly kirsten who's now a producer yeah on e but she was very funny but not a lot of people
00:18:48
that you would hear but she the guys threw out pretty much but beaumont banking got pushed out she was
00:18:54
she because she would crush a tent i always liked her and people couldn't follow her no that's the insecurities through the
00:18:59
roof yeah yeah she was so funny and then you never saw her again but see what was different about that era and i don't want to stick on
00:19:06
it for much longer because who cares but was different about that era to me from an outside perspective was
00:19:11
that was threatening when someone was crushing harder than you and now i think when people are doing well on
00:19:17
15-minute handoff spots it's only good for you if you crush before me it's so good for me because then it's not necessarily what do you mean because you know i one
00:19:28
time i made the mistake of calling adam and go you know what dude i want to grow and he goes what do you mean i go why
00:19:34
because you give me really good spots i always got like 9 45. yeah you had you had cake spots at cake spots yeah
00:19:40
put me on 11. exactly right where i had to used to be right and he goes all right so it was like the one of the lines was like killers from a.m 9 p.m i mean till
00:19:53
11. but it's like but right before me it's usually like rogan yeah diaz it was just like
00:20:00
and i just realized that after about 11 there's an energy drop big time right big time so
00:20:06
when i went up there with my usual like what's i'm gonna crush and then you you immediately notice it's
00:20:13
not working now you have to change so then you have to start thinking of how to change it yeah your energy level right and start
00:20:20
doing self-deprecate you know and then so what i would do i would say honest things like
00:20:25
this is my fault for calling adam you get you yeah you tell them tell them what happened
00:20:31
and they usually laugh at that but my point is is that um it's it's just not necessarily true well
00:20:36
i i just think that's i think more now than ever was like there was like because guys back then used to do they would go way over their time
00:20:43
because they could and they didn't give a [ __ ] about someone buy i don't that didn't happen as much in our era that it did in that era
00:20:48
you grew up with famous guy will do as long as he wants and you just have to deal with the things around the famous guy
00:20:54
was i hate to talk [ __ ] but like go ahead we have this guy named anon chalani nonchalant
00:21:06
and uh he was indian obviously yeah big indian accent non-bread nonchalante that would be a
00:21:12
great india he was a doctor he was like going to medical school right and he was he would say i don't know even why you know what i mean
00:21:17
mexican that's right that's just the way he sounded i probably had an india it probably had an indian accent no this is
00:21:22
not this is the way he sounds nonchalantly this is the way he sounded you didn't mind you didn't let you did not even
00:21:28
know him you sound like a mexican magician okay can i do my story is this your card
00:21:36
so one so nonchalante yeah he came up to me i won't do the accent then please for fun all right thank you so i
00:21:42
would love to thank you um you would say i don't even know why you know i'm a like a regular i just opened mike
00:21:49
one night mitzi came and said you know you're regular that's literally the truth yeah he was a doctor who was
00:21:54
just [ __ ] yeah goofing around i told my friends that i'll try the open mic but did he crush no he would just bomb
00:22:02
so saturday night i cut to saturday night like six months later right i'm following him but i'm in the
00:22:08
hallway this is way before your time yeah i'm talking to like i don't know who and then all of a
00:22:14
sudden he just got up he just gone i heard his name up two minutes later i'm just talking to somebody i hear bubby i'm not kidding it's nonchalant yeah and
00:22:26
i look in the showroom and he sweat just sweat dripping down today for sure you're right
00:22:31
i think i'm done and i go you know what i want i i went in the or and i never saw him
00:22:37
after this i screamed he killed himself do your time [Laughter] he's so [ __ ] like a [ __ ] [ __ ] he did did you make him do 50 yeah i made him stay up there oh bobby no
00:22:50
yeah 15 minutes you got to do your time nonchalantly for sure walked into school you got to do your time yeah he's like
00:22:55
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00:23:06
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betterhelp.com bad friends uh one time because i couldn't get girls right so um careful here
00:25:40
how stalkery was this no no nothing like physical right right just follow you home and
00:25:45
watch you at night when you no no no no nothing like that sharpening a knife no no no not nothing like that what was it
00:25:51
so um rebecca druskin right so she i worked at a coffee shop with her which one it was called this cafe and a
00:25:58
radio station in san diego called 91x 91x disc cafe go get yourself a cup of coffee from the hot korean guy down like cool alternative concession they owned it right right
00:26:09
and um it was cool that this cafe because um i would be washing dishes there we had a
00:26:16
stage it was the first cafe that i knew about and this is in the early 90s right where
00:26:22
we were a record store as well that's cool so you could listen to cds while you had coffee well you had coffee
00:26:29
we had listening stations oh that's and you could buy stuff right not only did that
00:26:34
but it's like we had a stage as well like first for performance music and people would just hop up there but we wouldn't let anyone up there
00:26:41
we i'm not kidding you that one time i was sitting there washing dishes and i was with mike halloran who owned
00:26:47
this cafe was still a friend of mine i talked to him the other day and he goes um oh jewel's here so jewel would go up on
00:26:54
stage jules no not her tools jewel the singer yeah jewels not this jewel jewels so jules was there she was she was not even existing then huh oh yeah yeah so jewel would go up
00:27:05
there or like frank black from the pixies would go up acoustically it was cool jewel would show up yeah cause she's
00:27:12
from san diego i thought she was from canada no really i have a funny jewel story who
00:27:17
will say so her yeah i have i have a r do you ever tell you about the fishbowl jewel story well no hit me with it okay so i was
00:27:29
so there was this coffee shop called java joe's okay in pacific beach that's a true
00:27:35
story okay so this is when i was maybe two years into doing stand-up but i could crush
00:27:42
for five minutes yeah you were murderous i was a murderer six minutes off of the cliff
00:27:47
eat it right so like and whenever i jabba joe had a big crowd right he would call me and go hey man i got a big crowd here do your five minutes and crush right right and so um he calls
00:28:02
me one night he goes i can't i don't know what's going on man but it's [ __ ] packed in here man come do the
00:28:07
five i called other artists as well right so i i had another gig but i'm like i can fit it in then i can go do my
00:28:14
other gig so i drive down there and i walk in and when you walk in there's a little
00:28:20
table to your left and a fishball full of business cards right right and the business is filled
00:28:27
with business cards right i guess that's how they got i don't know that's how you win a dinner i don't know i don't know well that's like i don't know why it's
00:28:32
there and and i walk in and tools there tools yeah no it's a secret tool right right and i'm standing there and joe joe tells jewel
00:28:45
hey can he go up you don't mean can he go up you bumped jewel no and i for five minutes and it jewel
00:28:52
was already like on the cover of time magazine at the time what was she doing at java she lived in san diego she lived in like
00:28:58
uh del mar in that area sure so um i go hey can i do five minutes before you right like that yeah you know i'm just gonna just do my
00:29:12
little set and then leave then you can go up it'll be like five minutes i'm gonna go five minutes so i go
00:29:18
okay and now i know i'm gonna eat it right yeah so he she's up there she sings one song
00:29:25
and the crowd gives her a standing ovation in this coffee shop yeah right and then they go oh one more
00:29:33
one more one more right right yeah she goes i'll do another one of course and she does another one right
00:29:39
one more one more one more she does another one and then she does in the middle of now it's 30 minutes two
00:29:46
hours and i gotta go yeah right and and i'm furious too i made a rage right and this is so
00:29:54
embarrassing so she she's singing like a very sensitive song this is a new one this is
00:30:02
about heartbreak or whatever my grandfather got hiv and it's you could hear a pin drop in
00:30:08
the room right and i don't know what came over me but i was so angry i kicked i kicked the table where the fishbowl is with the business card bobby so right so
00:30:24
she's singing it and i kick it right and i can see the business the the fishbowl
00:30:30
it's in slow motion right and it falls off right the table [Music] she stops playing the whole place turns around and i go
00:30:41
i don't know why i said this i go that's right i go that's right that's right i said that's right and i
00:30:47
left i never played it again that's right jewel i didn't say jewel clean up these [ __ ] business cards
00:30:53
it's embarrassing i already told you so that happened that's funny though that's right it's insane i want you to reach out to her it's insane behavior
00:31:00
let's call she's not gonna remember let's call her so anyway um oh so rebecca joskin they weren't at the coffee shop
00:31:06
that's what it is jamba joe's no at this cafe all right am i boring you no okay so um
00:31:13
she used to work there with me she's short blonde hair yeah glasses yeah and um i had a crush on her
00:31:21
now i can tell and one night i was with my brother steve you know the uh yeah the crazy i go
00:31:28
steve um it's like one in the morning and i go can i just i've been doing this lately
00:31:34
can i just park outside this girl's house bobby stop i didn't do anything weird you that's not weird you you it just sits
00:31:47
you safe she's a dangerous area you're a dangerous area this is when somebody kills a famous person they're like
00:31:53
i just want she works i want to make sure no one else kills pb and she had in the second floor of this you know you would park
00:31:59
outside of her window across the street and like like a silhouette you know like in the movie um
00:32:05
taxi driver when she's with the curtain drawn in the yeah you know taxi driver that might run scorsese scene yes yeah yeah
00:32:11
same thing yes right and i would just wait till her the bedroom light turned off and i would
00:32:17
drive away bobby what didn't do nothing it's just so strange i admit it real quick by the way i cannot wait till this video is being played in court and they pause it and they go your honor no further
00:32:32
i went to a rehab with this girl named tara black cool she lived in encinitas and one night i
00:32:37
don't know what happened but i she goes spend the night she was so cute in her room no she made she was we'll watch
00:32:44
movies and my she had lived with her parents this isn't at rehab no this is after rehab so i was still in
00:32:51
high school right on right so um she this is so embarrassing i've already told this a long time ago something but um she she
00:33:04
fell asleep on the couch and i pretended i was and her little feet were in the blankets
00:33:10
like this careful now i am careful go on this is not illegal what i did sure go on and i would get my because it was dark
00:33:16
so i tried to get my light adjusted to you know what i mean mm-hmm your eyes are the dark the darkness sure right kind of
00:33:23
like bane did in that prison good comparison let the eyes adjust yeah let the eyes
00:33:29
adjust and i would just stare at her [ __ ] feet just her toes for 10 hours until she woke up you wouldn't touch him i would wait until the light no i would just stare at her toes you wouldn't touch yourself
00:33:39
no okay don't you think i'm a criminal oh don't act like that's crazy you're not a kid you slowly peeled her
00:33:45
feet out it doesn't matter i'm not a bad guy man okay okay but you just watched so you just watched her toes and what was it about the toes just i've
00:33:52
never seen white feet right it's us no not yours guys i've never seen white female feet
00:33:59
i got nice toes i'm pretty sure they're good but i'm not i'm gonna pass for now but i never seen white feet and they
00:34:05
were just they would glow i won't see i've only seen yellow bring up some white don't do that i'll thread that
00:34:10
forever wow i will start okay yeah okay that one like in the dead center third row down
00:34:16
dead center yeah yeah that is that so that's what yeah i mentioned that right right and and i would just i couldn't believe it because the only female feat i've seen was my mother's and there was like there were hooves
00:34:27
claws yeah yeah they had like yeah they had like nail growing all right exactly right she would scratch you know i mean like that is what you said yeah so i saw that right let's just imagine that glowing
00:34:38
with my eyes adjusted right and seeing it right and imagine me just not in a sexual way no just your
00:34:45
fantasies not fantasizing either it doesn't have to be nasty it's not even nasty it's it's like seeing something like like
00:34:51
i'll be honest with me if you were in england i'm there now okay and you were in a you know a field frolicking hello mate
00:34:58
right by yourself why am i alone just in the in this scenario you're alone i'm alone i see it so imagine it's
00:35:06
prairie land green pastures rolling hills there's a little forest to your left no
00:35:12
no no no don't do that this is way this is thousands of years before that okay got it
00:35:18
and to your left you see you what you think is a horse god damn it looks like a horse it's a white horse right it looks like a white horse yeah and then as
00:35:28
it comes out slowly comes out of the forest look at the size of its dick that's not weird that's not what i'm
00:35:34
looking at where you're looking all right okay so i see the horse come out and you see you realize it's a [ __ ]
00:35:40
unicorn whoa imagine that i see it yeah you would be shocked and you would stare
00:35:46
at it for 10 hours like i did with these feet and that's the way that's the feat yeah i get it something i didn't
00:35:52
knew existed this is because you loved her that's love you were you were obsessed
00:35:58
with her jules do you think i'm a creep yeah really ah maybe that's that's creepy thing right if you woke up if you were hanging out with a guy that was friends with you
00:36:11
right like when you go to college and unfortunately when you start dating which i'm not a fan of
00:36:16
and a guy says let's hang out and you guys are hanging out let's just say you're watching a movie and you see him staring at your feet
00:36:22
what's your first thought i'd be really scared call the cops no you wouldn't call the cops you wouldn't call the cops
00:36:29
that seems like a murderer okay if i'm sleeping i'm sleeping i'm gonna sleep right mike and i go my toes seem
00:36:35
you know a little chilly right i open my eyes and some chick is staring at my feet but
00:36:42
not in an angry way in a delightful way coveting your feet not coveting it's more like you know
00:36:47
walking by you know being an orphan right in france yeah walking by i'm there you know oh a pastry shop with the windowsill oh and looking at the fresh baked you
00:37:02
know i mean hello right yeah and then you're like i wish i could have that but i don't i can't afford it
00:37:08
because i'm an orphan they have no money yeah yeah yeah so that's what it is that's the same thing exactly what it is but you think it's
00:37:14
really creepy huh really creepy yeah wow really creepy because i don't want someone just looking at my
00:37:21
feet and like i don't know what his ideas are what is the idea what would be an idea
00:37:28
well what was your idea when you were doing that it's it's like a science no one's attacking you just so what what do you
00:37:33
think was going on in your head when you were watching it i was like um i found her attractive of
00:37:38
course right and um were you nervous to be laying next to her i was on the floor and she was on the
00:37:45
couch yeah i'm not laying next to her oh i didn't know i just like sleep on the floor you didn't make an immigrant you
00:37:51
basically was the you know chinese people go on the floor in my house yeah right so you were nervous to be around
00:37:57
her i'm on the floor but you could hear her a little cute snoring yeah right yeah i got it's time and you
00:38:05
slowly time feed time right and i you don't like it i don't like it yeah this is not that bad also this is
00:38:12
not listen jules right this is in the 80s times were different back you were allowed to look at broad feet yeah i'll tell you you know what you just for some reason to remind me of
00:38:24
i just when you're nervous you've never done anything like that like with a girl i'm honest no but but but like but i'm
00:38:30
just being honest but like also you just made me think of a time when like when girls used to make me so nervous because
00:38:35
i they were out of my league exactly okay so like this like there was a girl in college
00:38:40
i was in love with her like i had the biggest crush on her and her friend kind of liked me but like her friend was
00:38:46
like her friend was a beast she was gross and i kind of would hang out with them
00:38:52
just to get close to the girl that i liked but the friend kind of took it as a you know like
00:38:58
whatever anyway one night we all get drunk and the friend passes out and i kind of
00:39:04
admit to this girl that i'm you know into her how do you do it you do do you do it in
00:39:10
a confident way are you nervous make a joke make a joke make a joke make a joke it was always make a joke okay i'm the
00:39:15
girl yeah right yeah so so that you're my friend the ugly one is asleep right she's gone what's her name barbaduke okay barbie oh god barbara duke is really passed out
00:39:27
yeah she sure did yeah yeah i mean it's a lot of weight you got to kind of get off those knees at some point
00:39:32
that's mean no i'm just i'm kidding around i'm just joking around she's my best friend no i know i know i
00:39:38
just she did complain about her knees and her back earlier so i just was saying she needed to maybe rest yeah i just thought you were doing a fat joke or something oh my god no and
00:39:44
barbeduke isn't fat that's not her name really no her name is sally yeah i know but
00:39:50
barb she oh you're the only one that calls her barber dude i do i guess i do what does barbadook mean it means fat
00:39:59
it means fat queen yeah yeah fat queen so anyway um i don't i don't i don't even want to
00:40:04
watch last action hero i don't want to watch this i think it's one of arnold schwarzenegger's best work it is but i
00:40:10
don't want to watch this right now i got to be honest with you okay i just hung out after she's fallen
00:40:16
asleep and i don't want to go home because i have this huge crush on you and i know you're way way out of my league
00:40:22
but i figured maybe you know it's the off season and you might want to you know hang out with a practice squad
00:40:28
sometime is that really your angle no but i mean i'm doing that now that's really cool did it work that worked
00:40:34
would you have slept with me yes all right because all those little things it means a highly elevated
00:40:40
sense of humor because i was joking about it's not it's not like you know preteen or posting you know i mean dick
00:40:47
humor sure it's it's elevated all right so check this out so after whatever i did to whatever we said i don't remember yeah
00:40:54
she's she's into it yeah we go back into her room i had already had sex at this point in my life it
00:41:01
wasn't like a weird it wasn't like a like this was not an abnormal thing to go back to a girl's room or come to my room uh-huh
00:41:07
i went in there and she lay down on the bed and took her pants off like almost immediately oh
00:41:13
and i got so nervous by her uh progressive her by just being like taking her pants off yeah yeah i locked up
00:41:20
and i'm not kidding yeah i kept all my clothes on yeah and i just went down on her for like 20 minutes i
00:41:27
just don't listen man what what jules is oh you said way worse in front of her i never did that talk about going down on someone please you've talked about getting your
00:41:39
penis sucked by a [ __ ] person oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah [Laughter] no but i but but that and i could only do that i was like paralyzed with the fear that it i i didn't make another move to
00:41:52
have sex with her wow and i just went down under did she now did she excuse my language did she orgasm no
00:42:00
no you didn't have the technique back then no i was a freshman in college yeah and i was also a good technique now
00:42:05
though oh yeah you're a licensed professional right yeah can i see your card yeah
00:42:11
yeah i got my wallet yeah yeah no but i was so nervous that it kind of just ended naturally do you know what i mean i
00:42:17
actually think she pulled me up to like kiss or hang out and then we just turned over and i fell asleep and
00:42:22
before she could wake up it was like 5 or 6 a.m i got the [ __ ] out of it i was like because she paralyzed me with how like
00:42:29
hot and cool and i was ner i knew i couldn't do it yeah i bailed oh i bailed you're a [ __ ]
00:42:35
oh bro yeah oh bro everyone's had those where they're like intimidated and they they i [ __ ] up yeah i just there was
00:42:42
no her taking off her pants i vividly remember being like what she has all the power uh
00:42:48
i have no control you have no power yeah so i just felt like i just jumped in yeah just like go head first um into the
00:42:55
puss pond yeah do you like it when they tell you what to do down there or do you like just improvising well yeah as you get older
00:43:01
in sex you you lo i love uh communicate the communication right and when you're young no one talks
00:43:06
yeah because when they tell me what to do i in my head i don't think i can do it right so then i panic yeah if that's a
00:43:12
freak out yeah can you just do it quickly above to the left and i get like you take math quests i don't know
00:43:18
if i don't have map questions i don't know what all right i don't know what i mean it's like trying to memorize is there an additional app yeah for a video game yeah yeah yeah yeah like
00:43:24
what is it left right i've had girls say that's not it and there you go that's all of it yeah i'm doing my
00:43:30
everything your butthole's your bottle is your butthole lady hello fresh oh my god i ate this last
00:43:36
night for dinner it's so funny because sunday night i ate it and um i you know i always order um some sort
00:43:43
of version of a hamburger that they have yeah i really like it yeah it's like it's better than any hamburger i've ever
00:43:48
had and you self-make it yeah you know i make it myself and it's cool and it you know you open it up and
00:43:53
you don't get the stress like can i am i able to have the skills to make this the the directions are very simple so easy
00:44:00
and that you can tell that the ingredients are so fresh yeah no they're they're really good so i we had pork loin
00:44:07
and carrot slaw and i got to cut the carrots yeah i got to cook the pork it's super easy they offer 25 plus recipes to choose from every single week from vegetarian to craft burgers like
00:44:17
bobby likes extra special gourmet options honestly there's something for everybody if you hate cooking
00:44:23
this is so easy also this is my favorite part of it is they use fresh ingredients yeah that are um
00:44:28
sourced directly from growers and delivered from the farm to your front door in under a week
00:44:34
contact free of course yeah that's awesome i'm telling you we're big advocates of this it's easy for me because i'm not that
00:44:40
good at cooking and i and it's so easy to follow directions all you need to do is do what they say and the meal comes out delicious
00:44:46
it's very very good go to hellofresh.com bad friends 12 use the code bad friends 12 for 12 free
00:44:53
meals oh my god including free shipping that's pretty incredible right yeah um i'll say it again man yeah do it you
00:44:59
got to go to hellofresh.com badfriends12 and use code badfriends12 for 12 free meals including free shipping that's insane that's hello fresh america's number one meal kit
00:45:11
get some buffy oh my god remember you when you first gave me a buffy yeah it changed your life the only thing good thing you've
00:45:18
done for me come on oh you've done a lot of that thank you but that was the main one that's the most by far i love
00:45:23
comfy you know jewels i know on her bed you know that's those sheets that use in the blanket buffy is buffy yeah we use buffy as well
00:45:30
she doesn't know because she doesn't care but you know what we're trying to provide a good thing for our family here at bad friends
00:45:35
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00:45:40
tr i love this i used to sweat all the time yeah and i didn't get good sleep it's softer than cotton and naturally soothes the skin i
00:45:47
love it it's earth-friendly eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow sorry for interrupting don't do it it's
00:45:53
also hyperallergenic plus is high thread count shuts out dust mold and mites for a healthier sleeping
00:46:01
environment cruelty free baby cruelty free why not choose 100 plant-based bedding that's bad better for you and for the earth you can
00:46:08
try it on your bed for free if you don't like it you return it for how much bob nothing for nothing all right this uh this this is wonderful we i have it
00:46:18
at my house on on both of the beds in my home and uh i highly recommend it so for 20
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off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co and at the code bad friends that's twenty dollars off for your buffy
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comforter visit buffy.co enter the code so what's up friends i love you guys uh greetings from tijuana a city that bobby knows very well so my
00:46:41
name is hector and i am challenging andres to a dance-off to prove that mexico is
00:46:48
much much better much better than spain yeah okay is that all right mexico is better because it has more drugs mexico is so much better than
00:47:03
spain because i got better music today i am going to be telling you about why the mexico is
00:47:15
uh better than the uh spain hey fancy you let me know when spain has tijuana trans and i'm sure mr 45 bisexual would agree with me right bobby
00:47:29
mexico is better than spain because as you know as rudy knows spain was really bad to the philippines
00:47:40
and you know who wasn't fancy mexico i never heard of spain having donkey shows and let's be real if i was in mexico
00:47:51
probably asked someone where i could go see a donkey show they actually work full work days and earn the right
00:47:58
to sit around in a hammock at the end of the day instead of in spain where you work a three-hour
00:48:04
workday go home at noon and sit around drinking te rojo saying things like did you esc
00:48:12
neither is the justice league spain may have a lot of cool history and you know christopher columbus was a
00:48:17
badass but mexico has one thing and that's crazy a crazy cartel uh with crazy drugs and
00:48:23
crazy sexy ladies and not to mention their crazy awesome food mexico has everything the
00:48:29
food the culture spain is just like the gay cousin of of mexico celena cantinflas pisante fernandez um frida tacos enchiladas chiraquiles
00:48:45
tamales we have like ruins like native american ruins so nothing really gets cooler than that
00:49:01
spain is only known for colonizing rape and fancy mexico has mexicans and spain has endless by the way jules you've heard
00:49:21
way worse out of him that wasn't explicit at all yeah yeah yeah thank you so we also forgot the remember she's 19. she's a
00:49:27
grown-up she's 20 in november but you're not dating anybody until you're what do we
00:49:32
say married married you get to date someone when you're married i don't want to get married okay well then you're never going to be
00:49:37
a son be a nun i dare you to be a nun can we be could you be a nun why oh no it's great being a nun yeah no you'd crush you'd crush as a nun the nunnery there
00:49:58
was this documentary about can we give him a call can we call the netherlands no let's not talk okay you don't want to be
00:50:05
that close to god no i don't be that close to galette i like their i like how uh um they're closed i like how there's a time for the nuns
00:50:11
yeah oh we're closed that hour did you see that documentary about that nun that used to date elvis back in the dish she was in a
00:50:17
movie star wait yeah this sounds familiar but yeah i used to date elvis i think that's what's called or i went out with elvis or
00:50:23
something none dated elvis yeah yet when before she was a nun delores hart dolores heart is that it she's an
00:50:30
american roman catholic benedictine who was previously a prominent actress following the movie debut with elvis presley
00:50:36
uh in loving you she made ten films in five years including wild wild as the wind king creed and
00:50:42
where the boys are and she dated him after that wow they can the connecticut nun who kissed alva she kissed him
00:50:48
yeah that's all she after imagine getting ten movies like five years yeah in my career i've
00:50:55
done ten movies now in 30 years this [ __ ] was on fire killing it right and then she's just
00:51:01
like i see why she's gorgeous and she just became a nun and then what happened was she lived on this monastery
00:51:06
and in the documentary um it's a great documentary she um there was this guy that like back
00:51:12
then after elvis right there was a guy that you know wanted to marry her right she's
00:51:18
like i'm gonna be a nun right and i think he waited you know i mean until she was 80 and he kept visiting
00:51:25
her every year trying to convince her to stop no he just realized you know that's the love of my life
00:51:31
right i can't meet anybody like her right so i'm just gonna live you know in the next city adjacent to
00:51:37
her and visit her and visit her as much as i can for the rest of my life so there's two roads here in my in my mind
00:51:43
yeah that guy that same guy yeah used to be the stare at the toes guy late at night you right you could have either you
00:51:50
could have either continued to be that guy and that would be you that's true or you
00:51:56
snapped out of it and became bobby lee and you figured it out it's true because that guy for sure definitely stared at her 100
00:52:03
while she was like kissing elvis yes yeah can you look up uh dolores hearts toes let's see if they have any toe
00:52:08
shots for you 1960's no way there's no there's no way there's no way laura's heart's feet i'm telling you she's on wiki feet baby oh she is bring up those feet bring up the feet
00:52:20
the third one on the beach oh that's that's that's good is that dollar store yeah there sure is let's look at the feet
00:52:25
bobby those are your horses that's your poor cell phone stared at those toes 100 yeah give me the one on the beach can
00:52:31
you pull up the one on the beach because uh that one there's there might be a couple of better shots like that
00:52:36
oh there's one yeah below that who was with who was the one right below to the right to the right to the right to the right
00:52:42
the one with the issues with the guy yeah yeah that one oh she's covering her covering her feet you know why because
00:52:47
she knows people are going to j o to them this is better yeah yeah look at her feet beautiful beautiful
00:52:54
feet look at her who is that is that um who is that andre peck gregory pack gregory pack is it there has to be it kind of look they all kind of look the same you know how they all kind of look to
00:53:05
the same a little bit at some point was it gregory pack no it was harvey levin henry levin henry levin i don't know who that is george hamilton oh was that
00:53:16
george hamilton oh that was your channel was that wow yeah that was george hamilton yeah yeah he
00:53:23
was a good yeah you can see and we know her his son what is this actually ashley
00:53:29
ashley hamilton he used to do stand up yeah does he still do stand up no bring up people we know his son ashley
00:53:34
hamilton he used to show up in like cool leather jackets yeah yeah and um oh dude what happened
00:53:40
to that guy what does he do now is he a musician or some [ __ ] yeah that's him actually this guy used to come to the comedy
00:53:46
store but tyler we used to see him what i don't i don't i can't i have a history with him oh bad yeah
00:53:51
i have some bad history with him let's talk bad no no i can't i can't no okay but he yeah let's hear it
00:53:59
well i think he looks like sugar ray in that picture with a tattoo with the look at that the third yeah look look at that photo
00:54:06
what is that shirt that's actually do you think he's handsome no women oh she paused way too long well bring up the handsome photo back again of the look at this that one or the second photo yeah yeah that he that guy's not
00:54:18
handsome to you he looks okay there i like the tattoos you like the tattoos i think we're fine with her dating by the way i think we're going to be fine yeah she um so tattoos there was this
00:54:31
one incident where jules [Laughter] it happened at the laugh factory where um this is when eleanor kerrigan didn't like me why didn't you oh i know yeah right there
00:54:44
was a whole history yeah i remember i love her by the way and she was her and ashley hamilton were upstairs
00:54:50
yeah and apparently there was like 50 comics around and they were telling everybody that i gave andy dick a [ __ ] well i
00:54:58
heard that i mean i've heard that i've heard a version of that i've heard a version of that not that you like finished or anything or enjoyed it i didn't do it
00:55:09
i've heard that you did i didn't blow any dick dude i don't believe it i don't believe it but i don't not believe it
00:55:14
how about that as one of you no please closest friends we have to get to a point now yeah in our relationship
00:55:19
yes you have to be more toward i don't believe it oh i don't believe it yeah but i don't believe it that not
00:55:25
believing it i don't need to be out okay like a cancer somebody says they cut that out somebody says your good friend and your good friend bobby
00:55:32
lee yeah i love him i love you so much it's fine you're family to me exactly they say bobby sucked andy's dick yeah and then i
00:55:39
come here i say bobby somebody told me that you sucked andy dick's dad i'll tell you what happened and then you say to me no i didn't and a piece of me goes but
00:55:45
it sounds right it just sounds like it should sound wrong it sounds it's i want it to sound
00:55:51
wrong to you and that's where we need to be okay say prove it to me it's wrong i'm gonna tell you what's wrong tell me how it's wrong
00:55:57
i'm working the door okay i don't know who andy dick is until no good night for me yeah i was a doorman in 1996
00:56:10
eight okay yeah and this is when joe rogan was on a show called newsradio great show on the show yes okay so joe was in the o.r or whatever and
00:56:20
some of the i think phil hartman came a bunch of people came rest in peace and i was in the bathroom as a doorman
00:56:27
i'm wearing the comedy store shirts sucking and no no sorry i'm sorry i'm jumping the shark
00:56:32
so anyway um i'm taking a piss and i forgot to lock the door in comes andy dick in comes andy dick
00:56:39
right then he goes well well well you know how he does now in that bathroom right you have
00:56:47
stair like right in the back of it there's these when it's like a window with these like um
00:56:52
slots yeah the slats the slide it's the slats windows right is that the face he made yeah he goes well
00:56:58
well well right so there's these stairs that go up and i'm literally standing there andy
00:57:04
walks in and i turn around and there's 15 faces in the [ __ ] slots right ready to see
00:57:11
what you're about to do yeah yeah and i go get dude i don't know you man i got to go to work i'm working the door right that's all that
00:57:18
happened hmm that's all that happened i don't like your face well i know i know it's rude no no
00:57:23
it's absolutely rude there's a couple of missing puzzle pieces here go ahead why are they looking in the window did andy say i'm gonna go in the bathroom
00:57:28
and bobby's gonna suck my [ __ ] i don't know why well why would they be looking in the window no one ever looks in that window
00:57:35
do you see how there's some do you see how there's some weird did you make a joke outside no no i think maybe people saw me walk in they
00:57:41
saw andy dick walking and they figured you guys no i'm just trying to do it from the
00:57:46
viewers perspective yeah it's it's you know if you ask andy i never blew him in court
00:57:53
yeah he would in a court you might be this might be found guilty i mean there might not be you're gonna have it i asked you can i be
00:57:59
honest with you stop it no no no stop i'm not gonna stop it stop it no because you got me there
00:58:04
you got me on the edge of course you didn't suck andy dick's dick i didn't suck his dick man
00:58:10
okay all right i believe you all right but people but people st so eleanor years later so they're spending hamilton are spreading this rumor that i'm gay and i
00:58:22
sucked andy dick's dick right and would help you now by the way all right career-wise
00:58:29
i mean chris is great i know but that would be what a boost not wouldn't what a boost not a boost go ahead all
00:58:35
right what you think let me say something by you saying that do you think even if secretly i did suck his dick
00:58:41
then i would finally go yeah okay yeah i was open i wanted a little piece i would be like well i kissed it whatever jules do you think i sucked andy dick sick i think so
00:58:52
[Laughter] so anyway they're spreading around rumors which you're pissed talking about
00:58:58
pissed off about it because you know me because it's [ __ ] and that's my that was you and ashdock did you ever hash it out with him he was one of those
00:59:05
guys where if like if i was in a um if i was like greenblatt and i was with a bunch of comics and he walked in i didn't say hello to him directly that he would find that to be disrespectful
00:59:16
oh grow up so then like oh two weeks later i'll go what's up ashley he won't say
00:59:21
anything i'll go you have a problem he goes yeah because it greenblatt's a couple weeks ago you didn't say hi to him you know he's that kind of guy
00:59:26
yeah so i was what an unmemorable thing he's a nice guy though yeah but that really some people do that thing where they're
00:59:32
like uh you know who i hadn't seen in a long time by the way you were talking about good looking guys lachlan patterson came we were both
00:59:38
doing uh who's that salt lake you know you don't know him he's so funny dude canadian comic moved here
00:59:44
years ago and look at him i want to see him patterson he's awesome lachlan that's him right there yeah
00:59:49
love him he's so funny that guy so when i use he's a good joke writer oh he's a brilliant joker when i first met him he looked like the
00:59:54
the the short-haired head shot that you see yeah yeah yeah and now that's what you what you just first clicked on that's
01:00:00
who he is now yeah yeah he's so funny surfer [ __ ] yeah he's such a cool dude yeah he was down there too and
01:00:05
this guy do you think he's handsome yes cc yeah yeah yeah yeah he's so funny this guy i mean even with short hair he
01:00:12
was a good look you know what short hair he looks like one of the property brothers a little bit no he looks like literally what i want jesus to look like
01:00:20
with the long hair go back to long hair that is jesus yeah yeah i have risen but don't you want a little bit more tan
01:00:27
no that's perfect a little bit more time i'm whiter actually i mean like jesus closer to who he is
01:00:34
right closer to who he should be that's what it is so um if you rose like that um then
01:00:41
you'd be i'd be like dude that's what jesus generally kind of looks like to me a little darker though what does jesus
01:00:46
look like to you jewels big breath i don't know long hair what color is this photos let's go into that what color is judge
01:00:59
jesus based on these photos well i can tell you which one it's definitely not that bottom left one
01:01:05
yeah yeah so the one my grandmother has all over her house yeah okay this is a good game which
01:01:10
jesus does my grandmother have literally all over her house oh i already can tell go ahead the first one on the far left or can i
01:01:17
give you a second one no you the far right let jewels guess two i was gonna say the right one the far top
01:01:23
right correct one that's all over my grandmother that very photo yeah is littered literally
01:01:29
jesus literally did not look like that yes that was him blow that picture up a little bit can you pinch pinch and zoom
01:01:35
so the jesus on the left is who they want you to believe an egyptian would look like right there yeah but that jesus right
01:01:41
there to the right yeah that's what he looks soft eyes he looked like he might have played in a band in the 80s and the late 80s
01:01:47
go to the one to the left yeah not that one the second one right here yeah i think that's the closest to what
01:01:53
jesus looks like i don't know i don't know yeah yeah egyptians are fair-skinned like me i i understand that
01:02:02
but go to the all-right right that's andrew that's andy daley white i know that's who jesus was he
01:02:08
wasn't andy daly white that's who jesus was no no no do you what color was jesus do you know
01:02:14
like tan or a bit darker yeah exactly very dark he was it was maybe down to that yeah yeah
01:02:20
obviously that's more close to what jesus looked like right there yeah yeah to the left yeah egyptian egyptian yeah he was [ __ ]
01:02:26
egyptian yeah the idea though that they paint him like the one that my grandmother has is really strange
01:02:31
like that's [ __ ] up that's what you see all the time is jesus that looks like matt rife you know what i mean yeah it's really strange yeah
01:02:38
yeah it's a weird it's such a weird and the holding the baby lamb that's what you see those photos all the
01:02:43
time yeah they're making a last last temptation of not lasting between uh passion of the christ part
01:02:49
two is mel doing it yeah that's awesome and um uh cavia was it jimmy really yeah this
01:02:57
is after what happened part two what happened after would you the behave incidentally after he called that cop a
01:03:02
dirty jew or whatever no after is that the president after patch of the christ at least now i know let me let me see let me see if i was
01:03:09
jesus would i let you in oh my god dude no i mean because at the door i'd be like bad friends i'd be like yeah but that was just my you know what yeah
01:03:19
earthly project i know but but that was it but it gave you meaning and fun and life and
01:03:24
i'll just say wait go there's a line you're gonna make me wait there's already a line you're at the front of the line i know i just it's not
01:03:30
forever to get up here go off to the side bobby go off the side i got to see who else is coming in
01:03:36
bobby no no bobby i waited in the line i didn't even skip the line i could have skipped the line and said hi to you it doesn't matter dude i'm jesus i run the [ __ ] thing i
01:03:43
understand but security all right so they put it to the side right get off from me you're not going downstairs you're making it you're not going
01:03:53
downstairs all right you're not watch no watch who else i let it all right kevin spacey come on come on [Laughter]
01:04:01
i would let you in but i would [ __ ] with you i know you would right right away what would you do or you'd put me in
01:04:06
hell for like 15 minutes and then be like come on okay so would you let me in i'm jesus at
01:04:12
the gates yeah all right you're with rudy you guys both show up well we'd have to have because the line is long
01:04:18
so many people die a day right hold on so i'm jesus right so and you and you were together we had died in a car accident obviously right because she was driving yeah she was doing it yeah and well i
01:04:30
think if that was the case we were in line i'd be like you know you didn't see the red light
01:04:35
you guys are arguing you're the one that's driving no you're driving she's driving you're driving you don't want me to drive because you always say
01:04:42
that i drive slow but you were driving fine and that's why we got an accident because you know you don't know the [ __ ] you're blowing you were screaming oh i got this jack well regardless
01:04:53
because we're we're dead now it's your fault your fault hello my children hello ah jules a lovely spirit a light come in thank you hey i'm just gonna go
01:05:06
with her then next you won next [Laughter] i'd let you write in are you the number one like if i google andrew santino at santino are you the number one andrew
01:05:17
santino that comes up what what the [ __ ] does that even mean of course i'm the number one [ __ ] it there's only one of them
01:05:23
well how come when you google your name right and i'm only i'm the third one that pops up what are you talking about watch go
01:05:29
right oh get out of this google search search get out no go back to andro huh right and then go down to what i don't know there was like uh what people other people oh yeah yeah yeah yeah right
01:05:43
there why am i the third because we're connected yeah but why is theo more connected to you
01:05:50
why is he first i think i make fun of him more i don't know why i don't know why how does that work well i don't think
01:05:55
that's an order that's not no it can't be click on mine and click on that instantly right on the second you're second i'll get my girlfriend's first so i should be [ __ ] second
01:06:07
yeah i guess that's true yeah and magnum pi's on there man they love you from that show right
01:06:13
is bobby lee right is bobby lee is in front of it is bobby lee and let's see what these are married
01:06:19
korean related to bruce lee that's a good question honestly that's valid yeah is are you
01:06:26
still married is bobby lee cook alive is this when you were with dane cook for a few years i don't know that bobby lee cook was a
01:06:33
guitarist is bobby lee chinese by the way is he korean and is he chinese we keep [ __ ] with people
01:06:38
they don't know what you really are yeah you want to tell them that you're japanese i am japanese they have no idea okay putin is andrew santino is andrew
01:06:45
santino married in the office irish have a special wife dating from net worth they want to know my money
01:06:58
this is all this is there's nothing special they don't well irish is andrew santino irish is andrew were you in the office yeah i
01:07:05
did an episode of the office yeah one episode i mean but [ __ ] what a weird by the way we spent this whole time having a good time and we didn't even mention that cinco de mayo
01:07:16
that's why that's what i wanted to do how do you feel about immigration about which kind oh that's right
01:07:23
exactly mexicans i like you do love cubans same thing no yes any latin i'm good with land's good how about um haitian they're still i like the food
01:07:37
okay good i like the food all right what about um if uh they were aborigine from australia from australia yeah i don't want australians in here okay
01:07:51
australians all australians okay i don't want them ever heard that's what they're from the united states that's true yeah there are so that was your question there are people
01:08:02
that's true okay all right what about um you know it you know this game i'll tell you where this game is leaving this keep is going to lead to me saying either chinese or korean
01:08:13
and you're saying absolutely not i'm waiting for you no so i'm not sure the fans
01:08:19
give them what they want i am done with the game the joke is that i'm okay with everybody but i know i know but i i just knew that this line
01:08:25
of questioning was going to go to there i know when you had a nip in the butt now you didn't have to break it up thanks for playing for the sake of comedy we could have just kept
01:08:31
going all right let's go back then let's go back all right no no it's ruined now but yeah japanese people yes love love them yeah
01:08:37
hmong what a man a little bit yeah let him in what about uh china fine sometimes tai tai i'm looking to you because you you
01:08:49
know those people better than i do oh yeah yeah let him in yeah filipinos definitely not filipino's definitely not
01:08:55
very good the fact that there's two of them in this office right now scares the [ __ ] out i'm not filipino [Laughter]
01:09:02
oh that's right gap yeah yeah i know she yeah it's between these these two filipinos by the way she looks identical to gilbert it's so scary you
01:09:13
know what i said to her when she came in yeah i go oh [ __ ] i've this i've seen your face for the first time because i've only seen her with a mask yeah yeah so when i first came in
01:09:20
she she had taken off her ass for a second yeah and then she took her mask and i said that's weird i wondered what she looked
01:09:25
like yeah but now that i saw gilbert i was like i should have known a couple of weeks ago episodes ago we did a uh
01:09:31
episode where we wrote a movie called the bottom of the turtle turtle island yeah and a lot of the uh
01:09:37
our fans made movie posters yeah and we'd like to check out some posters this one battle i don't like the
01:09:43
fun above it just needs to be bolder you don't like it it looks like a pirate wrote it yeah it looks like it's done but i like
01:09:49
how our names are in white so you can see them right because can i see the whole thing
01:09:55
is there any way to look at the whole thing is that the whole thing full screen it full screen that one photo i think that's as big as i get yeah
01:10:01
that's it there's no bottom to it then well it's the bottom of turtle island no i think that's as far as it goes yeah is
01:10:06
that an animated uh gif of rudy no it looks like it moved well what i like about this yeah that's
01:10:12
the stairwell that we oh that's cool you know all right rudy's down there with the with the knife but she's smiling she's smiling which we said she
01:10:19
wasn't right and where the bodies are behind her you see all the bodies yeah yeah and then to the left you you see the
01:10:24
turtle itself that lives that's amazing really somebody really put the work in thank you so much for
01:10:30
that and obviously i'm giving you a piggyback ride because that's how the s and the d starts yeah all that stuff and this is
01:10:36
not that important in the movie it is not that big of a theme yeah by the way the island looks exactly how i
01:10:41
thought it would look that's great very small rocky on one side yeah it's a great poster man thank you for who did that
01:10:47
thank you for who did that and then this one of course introducing rudy jewels i like that i
01:10:53
like that we should be the stars and we're the stars and interesting as if her performance right right is
01:11:00
like you know you're going to be like wow wait till you see this yeah because if her performance isn't good they're not going
01:11:05
to say that no they're introducing bobby lee anderson intrusion rudy jules and the drawings of us are good there's little island
01:11:11
yeah the bottoms of turtle island how long can they survive bad friends productions presents a film
01:11:17
by andres yeah yeah what is it no it says anita bryant oh that's who that is written by bobby lee andrew santino
01:11:23
starring bobby lander santino giuliana rudy eric griffin's in it why is he in it why is he in it did we put him in the
01:11:28
original no he's got audition we definitely gotta make him real yeah music by fancy be produced by bobby lee
01:11:33
and andrew santino and directed by fancy b of course bottom turtle island dot com
01:11:40
oh this is good this is like you know what you know how sometimes they make movie posters for like
01:11:45
europe or japan this is the japanese one well there's the hot walk there and the pub so oh this is
01:11:51
really clever this is clever your hot walk restaurant is right next to the pub that we talked about yeah there's the bodies on the hill yeah by
01:11:57
the way do you notice in the photo you're laying atop me there nude am i oh and my does my ass have to be in
01:12:05
the of course in the poster how do you want to sell the movie bobby this is a japanese i know but the thing is is that i just don't want my to be i don't want to i just if we're
01:12:16
trying to crush the foreign market yeah we have a cute little tushy asian boy with chopsticks in his hair
01:12:22
in a bun clutching to a pale ginger boy yeah this is going to sell i guess i guess it's going to i just need approval you know i mean next time i'm sorry these are already on the streets we sent
01:12:34
these out it's already can you please give me approval yes but you're going to be upset this is in
01:12:40
times square as well we put it up in france it's huge yeah what's the next one that's really good great one
01:12:45
and this is where we go see this is our release this is it and this is for amsterdam yeah this is a foreign poster for
01:12:51
amsterdam for sure the bomb turtle island right what's what i love exactly did you get
01:12:57
approval for this i i actually did i didn't approve of it but i do now that i see it yeah yeah
01:13:02
you have a very small ass and you and your ass is your whole back that is true your butt is the size of your back yeah yeah yeah by the way i love our catchphrases down there at the bottom sucks suck
01:13:14
suck yeah yeah and i love that jules is in the middle do you see that zoom into the jewels in the sword yeah oh that is there he is and on the bodies skulls see
01:13:25
that's the most picture of jewels that's a great [ __ ] poster look at how we're looking at each other
01:13:31
i don't know let me ask you this though why do i have a fu manchu mustang you have one right now no i don't a fu manchu mustang i mean it's about as close to a fu manchester united okay it's there it looks good all right
01:13:43
that's a good one all right in this one this one is uh whoa whoa bob this is street art they made
01:13:49
you jacked yeah no that's pretty much it that's what it looks like yeah and look at you clutching to your legs look at you zoom
01:13:56
in look at you zoom in more let me look it look at you i'm admiring the size of your sword i know my point is that that's about it do you think that's what the movie would be like
01:14:08
i think if they did a real poster of the movie that that would be pretty much it you think they would make you a jacked in shape guy
01:14:14
yeah and they would barely have you in it as if you were a tattoo on my leg okay yeah yeah it depends on what level
01:14:20
of comedy they wanted yeah yeah no don't let's look at this masterpiece i think this one's a piece of [ __ ]
01:14:26
whoever drew this can [ __ ] burn yeah here we go this is my parents this is this is paramount
01:14:31
yeah this is what this is um in america this is currently these are billboards in america right yeah so the look at rudy
01:14:39
how scary she is to the noise right now for me right yeah and that's all you hear when you walk into the theater the bottom yeah i don't know why i still have chopsticks in my hair
01:14:50
what do you mean you gotta keep them in how's your your hair's gonna get in your eyes why do i have to be why do i even have to have sandra bullock hair well here's why yeah you
01:14:57
have long flowing beautiful hair i know when we're asking each other it's going to get in your face all right you can't suck me you have to
01:15:03
tie your hair up when you're sucking that's true that's a great pose and that one is available now at paramount plus
01:15:08
if you don't have use the promo code bad friends at paramount plus thank you guys for sending in the bottoms of turtle island we really do
01:15:14
appreciate it we appreciate it uh rudy um go ahead and take us home uh and look into your camera and say say goodbye thank you for being a bad friend and bye and bye bye bye
01:15:28
is is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that this is that is
01:15:36
that no [ __ ] you [ __ ] don't get angry dude don't don't joke why can't i call you out man let's read the thing all right go suck andy dick's dick again you [ __ ] i didn't i suck his dick man i didn't suck
01:15:49
his dick okay all right okay oh i could say some [ __ ] right now but i'm not about sucking andy dick's dick no other
01:15:56
things yeah say it i'm not gonna [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] call me that again see what happens i'll
01:16:02
[ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out of you in this story see what happens [ __ ] you [ __ ] you
01:16:07
all right [ __ ] you and you [ __ ] for angry issues better help yeah you fighting yeah one two three better help oh andrew yes bob this is something that we both
01:16:18
need especially [Music]