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hey hey hi hello
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[Music]
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do it you two are bad friends who are
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these two idiots you two
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are disgusting oh you two or something
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we're bad
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friends welcome back to the double black
00:00:50
play jam i'm here with rudy and
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bobby lee rudy rudy rudy didn't talk at
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all last episode yeah you know why
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because you brought in a dog and she had
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to control the dog who's whining the
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poor pup was whining and crying the
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whole time i know we have
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um the whole house right now is um dogs
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animal farm it's an animal farm it's
00:01:10
driving me crazy
00:01:11
are you [ __ ] parking barking barking
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barking barking how many are you
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fostering
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you right now look very mormon your hair
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very christian
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very religious me i don't like it i
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really yeah your hair i don't like it
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it looks too you look so like you know
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uh knock knock knock
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yeah would you like to hear about
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jehovah can i tell you about jesus
00:01:28
christ and i don't like it can i tell
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you about jesus
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tell me about him he's the savior i know
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he is let me tell you what he did for
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you what
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you know what can i say something about
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that is no one's ever trying to save me
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well you're unsavable why is that i've
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seen i've
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walked through malls people look at you
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and they go can't save that guy
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there's no way to save you you've gotta
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i can't be saved no no no no i wanna be
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true
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try they're not gonna i wanna be safe i
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have a soul
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save me baby look you're saved you've
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already saved yourself
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no but i i what you went to rehab you
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already saved yourself
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no but i just and they can smell that
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strangers look at me like if i'm like
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one time i was in san antonio yeah and
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there was a man handing out
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pamphlets and you know little pamphlets
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yeah
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you're right and i and i was walking by
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and people were getting pamphlets from
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him
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with the lord jesus and i took my hand
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out
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and he didn't do nothing yeah no
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pamphlet nego's not gonna help with you
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why
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i don't know that's like the guys in
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vegas the mexican guys that hit the
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hooker cards you know
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i never get them from them they don't
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they think i'm not or like star maps of
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people
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oh yeah the star maps people they never
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try to get me a map do you know how fun
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this would be if me and you pretended to
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know star man we should do a fake star
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maps
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when when when pandy's over yeah and
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take people to houses that aren't real
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can i say something
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why would i care where marlon brando
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lives dude
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you're you you've lived in southern
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california your whole life right
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and then
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you [ __ ] european goon shut your
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[ __ ] mouth what did he say the
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cemetery i don't know the cemetery he's
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dead
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marlon brandon he's not dead oh that's
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not he's not dead he's not dead
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yeah one of the greatest actors of our
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generation you know who i found out
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i was watching coming to america tonight
00:03:13
with the part two
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part one oh no the original but it some
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of the jokes are so bad you're like
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some of this is not funny it's so funny
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because some of it's really funny yeah
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and some of it's just not
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funny sexual chocolate's funny hilarious
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sexual chocolate
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but then when they go looking for girls
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at the beginning oh yeah it's not funny
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it's not funny you're just like and
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because the one girl's like
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lighting her hand on fire and she's like
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uh you know i'm possessed by the devil
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yeah and they're like next and you're
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like what it was some of it's not
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some of it when eddie's doing the
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characters it's the best the whole movie
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should have been him
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interacting with himself all the time
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right like every stranger should have
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been an eddie murphy character it's also
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funny that movie
00:03:51
there's one guy that didn't have a very
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big scene and at the time
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he didn't know that he'd be a bigger
00:03:57
star than all of them arsenio hall
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no no who samuel jackson isn't that's
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crazy isn't that crazy yeah that is
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because
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because he played the crack addict in
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there he's a crackhead yeah yeah at the
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mcdonald's or something
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mcdonald's mcdowell's right yeah he goes
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crazy right yes
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and he probably at the time right god
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damn i got [ __ ]
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again 12 lines again again right and
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then all of a sudden like he owns the
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world
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well it's the same thing with uh that
00:04:20
chris rock in the in that movie um
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oh that was great when he put the crack
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at him yeah why can't i think about what
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movie was that
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he was pretty good in that when he goes
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i got changed for 100 yeah that was
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really good yeah
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his lips were all i remember watching
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him called ashley and
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cracked out yeah because the guy goes uh
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how much for how just how much would
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just one rehab
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yeah yeah yeah and he goes got changed
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he's like what up
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you grew up watching black films huh
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yeah yeah yeah
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anyway no i was gonna say i was watching
00:04:45
i was watching watching the movie and
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james earl jones you know who plays
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his father yeah king kufi kanan whatever
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his name is i was like
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is he still alive and i bet my old lady
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cash do you think he's still alive or
00:04:56
not yes or no oh he's still alive
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well you're taking i'm not going to say
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i'm not going to tell you until
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everybody answers it
00:05:03
so what what part is it again adam
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wasn't listening what
00:05:06
i was always saying is james earl john
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we made a better fame james was still
00:05:09
alive
00:05:10
james earl jones is alive so you you
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think so or you know so
00:05:14
to me he is okay do you think he's still
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alive or he's dead he doesn't know who
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he is i know that's the best part
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um he's dead okay great what do you
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think george
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dad what do you think andres he's alive
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he is alive
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i know he's alive andres get off your
00:05:29
phone he's do you know why i know he's
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alive because you just worked with him
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recently
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no that's not what yes i would never
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work with him really yeah you would
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never work with jesus
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they would never put me in anything with
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him and that's the right way to say it
00:05:41
that's what i
00:05:41
wanted to say yeah you said it came out
00:05:43
weird it came out weird you said i would
00:05:45
know
00:05:45
but i'm such a huge james earl jones you
00:05:48
know what else a movie he was in
00:05:49
that no no no one's not you're even
00:05:51
aware of well he's the voice of lion
00:05:52
king
00:05:53
he's the voice of the father and i
00:05:54
understand that he's also darth vader
00:05:56
yes yeah of course everybody knows that
00:05:58
he's another thing that he was that
00:05:59
people don't know what he was in the
00:06:00
movie um
00:06:01
doctor strangelove as what he was in the
00:06:04
um
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airplane in the beginning of the movie
00:06:06
like he was one of like the pilots you
00:06:08
know he was one of the guys in the pilot
00:06:09
yeah
00:06:10
he was yeah he's a yeah here's another
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thing i have to try
00:06:13
another thing that um people don't know
00:06:15
huh go ahead keep talking people don't
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realize that laura's finished lauren's
00:06:18
finished burn
00:06:22
i think people do know that i think
00:06:25
people do know that no
00:06:27
james earl jones yeah and dr strangelove
00:06:30
wow well it came up so fast oh
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right no don't go right all of a sudden
00:06:36
i don't know where
00:06:37
right i said he was the i said the pilot
00:06:40
look at this look at this guy this is
00:06:41
brick glass but a better rick last man
00:06:44
yeah here we go hold on
00:06:47
music we probably can't huh one of the
00:06:50
funniest movies ever made i think
00:06:52
dr strangelove yeah i laughed so hard on
00:06:54
this movie look at how bad that plane uh
00:06:56
cgi is
00:06:57
he'll come up in a second which one is
00:06:58
he he's not the white guy obviously you
00:07:00
[ __ ]
00:07:01
what do you mean he's not white i'm i'm
00:07:03
flying one line you
00:07:04
there is there he is there he is that
00:07:06
was it that was him
00:07:08
so now he was a pilot i said he was one
00:07:10
of the little he is in the movie
00:07:12
yeah and i still watching it you know it
00:07:14
went there's james earl jones
00:07:16
he's so talented he's everything he and
00:07:19
yes of course i watch black films did
00:07:20
you watch all the black films when you
00:07:21
were working
00:07:22
what he sounds like when when you're
00:07:23
making love when he comes oh
00:07:26
what if when he comes he goes yeah he
00:07:27
gets real high
00:07:30
[Music]
00:07:38
you think he says that i don't know when
00:07:39
he shoots
00:07:41
anyway look i watched i watched curl
00:07:43
coming to america
00:07:44
yoda coming would be weird
00:07:47
what would he say i don't i don't know
00:07:50
you will be
00:07:50
i don't know what he would say but am i
00:07:52
just yeah but he
00:07:54
he came i just yeah but i think um
00:07:57
his calm would be like a little piece of
00:07:59
sea would would come out if
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i feel like i feel like a little him
00:08:01
comes out of his penis like a little
00:08:03
another a little baby yoda
00:08:06
yeah like a little yoda comes out it's
00:08:07
like more liquid form yeah it's more
00:08:09
goopy yeah right almost bodyless but you
00:08:12
could see the little
00:08:13
boneless boneless yeah oh boneless my
00:08:15
boneless yoda
00:08:16
am i bad you're boneless yeah it's late
00:08:18
and i i sometimes it's okay i'm saying
00:08:21
do you like boneless wings or do you
00:08:22
like uh bone-in wings when you eat
00:08:24
chicken wings yeah i don't
00:08:26
i don't like the bone the reason why i
00:08:27
don't like bone is because um
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i don't eat i don't eat it right and
00:08:32
kalila and this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]
00:08:34
right here
00:08:35
hey hey be nice it's a new year what'd i
00:08:37
get you for christmas
00:08:38
the cave um the rug anime rug
00:08:42
yeah we heard the rug yeah i got your
00:08:43
rug anyway um whenever i eat
00:08:46
bone the bone right bone wings wings
00:08:50
with bone well anything with bone
00:08:51
like a boxing bone
00:08:57
yeah your your white privilege the way
00:09:00
you eat that
00:09:00
what does that even mean because i don't
00:09:02
eat like the cartilage
00:09:04
and you know what i mean you eat right
00:09:06
like a white
00:09:08
part you know what i mean crunch on the
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[ __ ] i'm on your ligament i don't
00:09:11
need to eat that that's like
00:09:12
nice meat parts you [ __ ] animal yeah
00:09:14
you animals savage
00:09:16
yeah you're not you know it's like when
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we eat fish with my mom
00:09:20
she eats the brain and the eyes and wow
00:09:22
yeah i just eat the body
00:09:24
like the body yeah but they do say the
00:09:26
other stuff has the most protein in it
00:09:29
good call dude you know you eat all of
00:09:31
it don't you
00:09:32
yeah savage savage savage yeah they eat
00:09:36
um
00:09:36
and it's like this animal right here i
00:09:39
cuz every night i order um postmates no
00:09:42
i know it's sometimes i go to
00:09:44
good places or sometimes grubhub
00:09:47
all the time yeah
00:09:52
it was a joke guys so what you no you
00:09:54
order food every night
00:09:55
right so i'll go to like um i'll go you
00:09:58
know what tonight i'll go to morton's
00:09:59
something like that is that how often do
00:10:01
you get morton
00:10:03
every other week maybe would you like
00:10:05
steak cold
00:10:06
it's not that it's just the idea that i
00:10:08
can money-wise
00:10:10
i just do yeah yeah yeah you flex a
00:10:13
little
00:10:13
yeah on who on kalila and rudy oh you
00:10:16
know
00:10:16
yeah does she ever pay for delivery no
00:10:19
but i'll always go
00:10:20
what do you want she'll go i she goes
00:10:22
don't worry about it i'll eat my own
00:10:24
you'll eat your own wife and i'll go
00:10:25
what do you eat leftovers
00:10:27
we have leftover food like something
00:10:30
like we'll get like
00:10:31
two months ago some vietnamese guy will
00:10:34
randomly come over
00:10:36
who's this guy all right get this guy
00:10:38
that's a goliath's friend he's white
00:10:40
he's white yeah you think he's
00:10:42
vietnamese yeah he'll come over and go
00:10:44
hey
00:10:44
he'll go and give us this is a
00:10:46
restaurant by my house i bought you food
00:10:48
and i'll take two bites just to be
00:10:49
courteous right yeah and then i'll just
00:10:51
put it in the fridge
00:10:52
and then she'll eat it two months later
00:10:54
like an animal
00:10:56
not two months how long two weeks
00:10:59
two weeks is fine i think it's two weeks
00:11:01
dude i think food in the fridge can last
00:11:03
a couple of weeks
00:11:03
what kind of meat it's cooked right yeah
00:11:06
it's like
00:11:06
no not two weeks what kind of food is
00:11:09
there too what food is it
00:11:10
anything like she'll eat anything that's
00:11:12
like yeah
00:11:14
they survived dude but they're surviving
00:11:17
her good food
00:11:18
like anything you know what i mean she
00:11:19
wants and she's like no i don't want it
00:11:21
and then like yesterday i asked her she
00:11:23
got i don't want to i got my
00:11:24
and then lately then i come downstairs
00:11:27
and she's like
00:11:28
in the corner you know she eats like in
00:11:30
a corner for some reason
00:11:31
covered up she just has this like hunchy
00:11:33
thing
00:11:34
she's a punchy thing right and she you
00:11:36
know and she also sits on the chair like
00:11:38
this
00:11:38
does she really yeah like a gargoyle
00:11:41
she's like a gargoyle
00:11:42
and she sits there like that and she so
00:11:44
when you walk in the room her back's
00:11:45
turned
00:11:46
it's always dim light dude you're a
00:11:48
horror movie yeah yeah it's like a
00:11:49
diplomat right right a horror movie
00:11:50
she's
00:11:51
eating something like what the [ __ ] is
00:11:52
she eating right and i go what are you
00:11:54
eating she goes
00:11:55
i got mcdonald's i go
00:11:58
but i an hour ago you know i mean i was
00:12:00
going to order you better
00:12:01
something better yeah no she got my
00:12:03
chocolate she better on her own i don't
00:12:04
think you'd like
00:12:06
taking things from me like you think
00:12:09
that i'm gonna like hold it over you for
00:12:10
some reason
00:12:11
no if i'm gonna order food for myself i
00:12:14
don't i would like to
00:12:15
i'll order for everybody yeah right
00:12:18
don't be like a [ __ ]
00:12:19
gargoyle i'm not what did you get from
00:12:22
mcdonald's a
00:12:23
fried chicken burger ice cream and
00:12:27
nuggets
00:12:27
a fried chicken bur you mean a chicken
00:12:29
sandwich yeah
00:12:34
she's in school a frog so you get a
00:12:36
fried chicken sandwich nuggets
00:12:37
and ice cream what kind of ice cream the
00:12:40
chocolate sundae
00:12:41
chocolate sauce wow they're pretty good
00:12:43
no they're so good i know
00:12:45
mcdonald's though the breakfast i can't
00:12:46
give it up the wendy's was it the freeze
00:12:49
what what that freezer oh the oh the
00:12:51
frosty forget about it [ __ ] me i'll eat
00:12:54
it right now
00:12:55
suck it suck it right now suck it right
00:12:57
now do you hear 101 cafe close down
00:12:59
permanently forever never coming back
00:13:02
good that you know what's so funny
00:13:04
everyone was being like sweet online
00:13:06
like oh man i used to go hang out there
00:13:07
all the time
00:13:08
i mean we would go after shows yeah but
00:13:10
like
00:13:11
i was also like it was the most
00:13:12
expensive diner i ever went to it was
00:13:14
like nine bucks for eggs
00:13:15
no but you know what you're right i have
00:13:17
good memories there yeah there's some
00:13:18
memories that i had
00:13:19
so that's where i'm at david cho really
00:13:21
yeah i
00:13:22
i was sitting there he was a cook there
00:13:24
huh david cho was cooking at
00:13:26
one-on-one cafe that's david chang
00:13:28
you're thinking same guy no
00:13:30
david chang is the [ __ ] chef david
00:13:31
chose the artist the artists are chefs
00:13:34
i know but did you get them confused
00:13:38
yeah yeah yeah i just don't pay
00:13:41
attention to asians and also
00:13:43
asian and artists that's an oxymoron
00:13:44
multi-million dollar um
00:13:46
artist there's a lot of asians that are
00:13:47
multi-millionaires david cho
00:13:49
street artist oh i do know who this is
00:13:51
yeah you do no yeah i do know that okay
00:13:53
anyway but i like david chang
00:13:54
david cho i was i see this guy and he's
00:13:57
dressed like a um
00:13:58
i i a warlock and it's not halloween
00:14:02
he's literally dressed like a warlock
00:14:04
walking down in the 101 cafe
00:14:07
late at night and and you could i can
00:14:09
tell when they're korean
00:14:11
well you guys can smell each other right
00:14:12
isn't there like a there's got to be
00:14:14
something that gives you an
00:14:15
of everything you say no no i mean like
00:14:17
you guys internally like i know when
00:14:18
there's another
00:14:19
like you think i smell like lychee fruit
00:14:21
um no
00:14:22
you have an internal thing but you have
00:14:25
this pudgy kind of face that i
00:14:27
yeah the look that i like yeah i mean so
00:14:29
i go
00:14:30
and he sat next to me just sat right oh
00:14:32
you were up at the singles
00:14:33
yeah you know i'm the artist you got
00:14:35
david shaw oh yeah yeah and he goes
00:14:37
you're comedian right yeah and then i
00:14:39
then he goes i have a podcast with asa
00:14:41
akira
00:14:42
the porn star porn star yeah and so
00:14:44
kalaila and i did it and that's how we
00:14:45
started tiger belly
00:14:47
that was the beginning yeah because we
00:14:48
we were a regular on david cho's podcast
00:14:51
and then it was called dvd asa
00:14:54
and they um they one day just decided
00:14:57
not to do it anymore
00:14:58
and then mean clown let's just start our
00:14:59
own how long did yeah you grabbed
00:15:01
a little bit of their audience because
00:15:03
well that makes sense because it was a
00:15:04
korean and
00:15:05
a porn star and you're a korean and
00:15:06
collab is a porn star i understand that
00:15:08
that transition makes sense you picked
00:15:09
up where they left off when you attack
00:15:11
my my family
00:15:12
shut up don't roll your eyes and the way
00:15:14
you roll your eyes is so
00:15:15
[ __ ] it's so like um 80s drama
00:15:19
you i can't even do what you do you roll
00:15:21
both of them up and you i can't even do
00:15:23
it
00:15:23
it's like you know your eyes don't go
00:15:25
that way your eyes don't go up there no
00:15:26
it's just
00:15:27
dumb this is why it's so obvious this is
00:15:30
my privilege
00:15:31
yeah i hate it i hate it um that's wild
00:15:34
that david showed a podcast
00:15:35
how long did they do it for he did a lot
00:15:39
why asakira i wonder because they're
00:15:42
friends
00:15:42
did she still do porn she's some i think
00:15:46
but she has a kid now and she lives in a
00:15:48
different state
00:15:49
you know there was a comic that dated a
00:15:52
porn star i don't want to say her name
00:15:55
um and she stopped doing porn for a long
00:15:58
time and i just saw online
00:16:00
you know in your twitter's like
00:16:01
suggestions of people that you're
00:16:02
friends with that front yeah and i
00:16:03
suggested her again and she's doing porn
00:16:05
again
00:16:06
i really am always interested in why
00:16:07
they go back because once you quit don't
00:16:09
you think you've got to get out
00:16:10
like that's kind of like you don't go
00:16:12
back into the arena
00:16:13
i feel like once you're done you're done
00:16:15
yeah once you quit porn it'd be hard to
00:16:17
be like i'm gonna come back
00:16:18
there was a comic named thomas award
00:16:20
thomas ward i don't know
00:16:21
i never knew him this is before your
00:16:22
time yeah and i did open mics with
00:16:24
thomas
00:16:25
right and then um you know he he looked
00:16:28
just like bill cosby in fact
00:16:31
yeah he did um some parody bill cosby
00:16:35
porn
00:16:36
you know how they say you know what i
00:16:37
mean yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like
00:16:39
he played cosby
00:16:40
yeah and so i was like yeah yeah so i'd
00:16:42
be at the porn star and i would see
00:16:45
him on the cover of this parody porn
00:16:47
bill cosby thing
00:16:48
and in my head right i'm like oh he's
00:16:51
just doing comedy like he's doing an
00:16:52
impression
00:16:54
in the porno do you think he's like a
00:16:56
comedian not in porn no he's
00:16:57
playing bill cosby in a porn where
00:16:59
everyone else is [ __ ] him oh you
00:17:01
think he's not happy he's not you know i
00:17:02
mean
00:17:02
in it he's a comic no he's like he's in
00:17:05
it
00:17:06
yeah he's in it and um i remember going
00:17:09
he's pretty good he was good huh yeah i
00:17:11
remember going
00:17:12
oh you know because sometimes you dread
00:17:13
it yeah even if i see like
00:17:15
a comic in a movie or tv show that
00:17:18
didn't think it was an actor
00:17:20
and i get relieved like oh they're
00:17:21
pretty good like nick yous
00:17:23
i was on a show called animal practice
00:17:26
and um with the monkey with the monkey
00:17:28
and nick and nick youssef
00:17:30
got a part in it oh he could help him
00:17:31
with the audition or whatever okay
00:17:33
but he i couldn't believe they hired him
00:17:35
like i remember the cast return going
00:17:37
oh yeah we heard of that guy nick what
00:17:38
do what do you mean because he did a bad
00:17:39
i don't know i don't know i never knew
00:17:41
him as an actor i just knew him as a
00:17:42
comic
00:17:43
right oh yeah so i remember being on set
00:17:45
right and i know
00:17:46
he was his scene was after the one of
00:17:48
the scenes i was in
00:17:49
it's like i'll decide to stay and i was
00:17:51
behind the monitor right
00:17:53
and as soon as he opened his mouth i
00:17:55
just left
00:17:56
why because i'm like oh he knows what
00:17:58
he's doing oh right you were worried at
00:18:00
first i was worried at first but he knew
00:18:01
what he was doing and i
00:18:02
was like all right did you think it was
00:18:04
going to reflect badly on you no
00:18:06
because you didn't get him the role i i
00:18:08
did give i'm
00:18:09
going to name his name because he hates
00:18:10
me but i did get one guy
00:18:12
so there's one guy that asked me please
00:18:14
say his name i can't please there's a
00:18:15
war and he wants to murder me all right
00:18:16
we'll look at me right now say it and
00:18:18
we'll bleep it out
00:18:18
go
00:18:20
[Laughter]
00:18:22
okay you know him yeah what do you do
00:18:24
what do you what'd you do
00:18:26
for the why he's mad at me yeah no i
00:18:28
don't want to get i don't want to redo
00:18:30
that
00:18:30
all right well go ahead well then talk
00:18:31
about it again don't do it don't roll
00:18:32
your eyes again
00:18:33
your 80s [ __ ] that's my white
00:18:34
privilege yeah see you on the slopes
00:18:37
chang really good thanks
00:18:42
so um i go i was on mad tv and i go um
00:18:46
you know be great for this part someone
00:18:48
saw i said to the casting director the
00:18:49
guy yeah
00:18:50
and she goes yeah i don't know him i'll
00:18:53
i'll call him he'll come in and i go
00:18:56
i'll sit in the room with him
00:18:58
i was like when he's auditioning i'll
00:18:59
just be in the room right
00:19:01
so um i sit next to uh the casting
00:19:04
director
00:19:05
and where's he up you have a piece of
00:19:07
paper yeah
00:19:08
so like i'm sitting there he comes in as
00:19:10
soon as he walks in
00:19:11
i went in my mind i'm like uh oh
00:19:14
why because of his vibe no he was just
00:19:16
just devastating
00:19:19
nervousness oh he was obviously yeah
00:19:21
yeah like he was like
00:19:23
his face was going
00:19:27
he was so nervous right and i was just
00:19:30
like
00:19:30
i was just like holy [ __ ]
00:19:34
right why were you in there because he
00:19:36
was my friend i would see it when
00:19:37
someone see him on this see that's where
00:19:39
the casting writer should have made you
00:19:40
leave i know i shouldn't have been there
00:19:41
no
00:19:41
that's nice i regret it i regret it i'll
00:19:44
go
00:19:44
comfortable yeah yeah i didn't anyway so
00:19:48
i go all right well let's i just wanted
00:19:50
to get her over with all right so just
00:19:52
go right and he picks up the script like
00:19:54
this right the sides right
00:19:55
always be off book by the way yeah yeah
00:19:57
i always have it but i have memorized
00:19:59
sure
00:19:59
and he does this
00:20:03
he's so nervous he's so nervous is the
00:20:05
thing is going like this right you can
00:20:06
hear it
00:20:07
yeah yeah and or i mean normally like a
00:20:10
cathedral would be like
00:20:12
okay thank you right or you want to go
00:20:13
out and prepare or or something
00:20:15
right they would say i just want keep
00:20:17
going let's do it let's finish
00:20:19
right let's finish it just want to get
00:20:20
rid of him and it just got worse and
00:20:22
worse
00:20:22
and worse and he couldn't get a word out
00:20:24
right and we were up there
00:20:26
probably 45 minutes because i wanted to
00:20:28
get something on tape
00:20:30
wait so you kept trying yeah we kept
00:20:31
trying and he's just sweating
00:20:34
you know what i mean and just shaking
00:20:37
can we call him no no
00:20:38
he hates me and then i and then i called
00:20:40
him and then i told him
00:20:42
i think i go i'm such a piece of [ __ ] i
00:20:45
go
00:20:46
you did pretty we're gonna go but i said
00:20:49
i said we're gonna go with it in a
00:20:52
different direction
00:20:55
right but you almost got it dude so mean
00:20:58
yeah yeah that's so good
00:20:59
really yeah yeah it was just it was you
00:21:02
yeah it's just that yeah because we know
00:21:05
the other
00:21:06
actress in it and i just you know i
00:21:08
don't think the chemistry's right but
00:21:09
it's not you personally yeah it was just
00:21:12
no you know what is the va it was just
00:21:13
yeah
00:21:13
didn't work this time better help oh god
00:21:17
golly gee
00:21:18
mighty all me hey is something
00:21:19
interfering with your happiness bob
00:21:21
because because there was let me tell
00:21:22
you something right now man the pandemic
00:21:24
oh golly golly gosh
00:21:25
got me down they got me down and you
00:21:27
know what saved my life
00:21:28
better help yeah you start communicating
00:21:30
in under 48 hours it's great it's not a
00:21:32
question it really has helped me it
00:21:33
saved my life i love my therapist
00:21:35
through their um
00:21:36
um you could start communicating under
00:21:38
48 hours as you said
00:21:39
they did and um but it's not a crisis
00:21:41
line i don't know if you know that i did
00:21:42
say that it's not self-help either
00:21:45
no yeah it's professional counseling
00:21:46
done securely on the line
00:21:48
it's a broad range of expertise and uh
00:21:50
all jokes aside bob and i both use this
00:21:52
we both highly recommend it i think
00:21:53
therapy is extremely important for
00:21:55
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00:21:56
we could all use some some of us me
00:21:57
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00:21:59
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they're not you obviously they match you
00:22:02
up
00:22:02
with the right person yeah it's great
00:22:04
yeah and and by the way
00:22:06
it's a lot cheaper i've gone to multiple
00:22:08
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00:22:09
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00:22:10
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00:22:12
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00:22:15
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00:22:17
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00:22:19
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00:23:00
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00:23:01
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00:25:01
friends i can't i can't say this guy's
00:25:03
name because
00:25:04
here we go he's a friend he's a friend
00:25:06
he listens to this show he's a friend
00:25:07
yeah
00:25:08
and uh he was auditioning for a movie
00:25:12
uh that a friend of ours was making
00:25:15
and it was in one of those you ever go
00:25:16
into those audition rooms or those it's
00:25:18
like a it's like a commercial office
00:25:20
and it's a ton of rooms it's like seven
00:25:21
rooms and there's they're auditioning in
00:25:23
like all of them right
00:25:24
and most of the time they're closed off
00:25:26
in their wallet well this had
00:25:28
it was glass it was like it's like an
00:25:29
office you could see right into it
00:25:31
and he's sitting there he he does the
00:25:33
audition and he kills he's so [ __ ]
00:25:34
funny he's a super funny dude yeah
00:25:36
and then he gets up and he's like all
00:25:38
right well thank you like he was so
00:25:39
confident he was so stoked
00:25:40
that he killed he's like thank you and
00:25:41
they were like thank you he's like take
00:25:42
it easy
00:25:43
and didn't turn and right into the glass
00:25:47
in front of everybody just smashes his
00:25:50
face
00:25:51
yeah yeah and then he's like well up up
00:25:53
up up that was that would have
00:25:56
but it was like a it was like a oh my
00:25:58
god are you okay like it was like
00:26:00
i would have to i would have been like i
00:26:02
would have died if i did that
00:26:03
he laughed okay good no but i mean they
00:26:06
were concerned he hit it so hard
00:26:07
right he's also a big guy so it wasn't
00:26:09
like boom it was like
00:26:11
i mean he shook the [ __ ] glass yeah
00:26:13
so they were like oh dude are you okay
00:26:15
yeah his face is a pure red from hitting
00:26:18
the window
00:26:18
and any and you know what the worst part
00:26:20
was he didn't he didn't get in the movie
00:26:22
he didn't get it no it was it was just
00:26:24
because they didn't it didn't work out
00:26:25
but he deserved to be in there yeah he
00:26:27
deserved to get
00:26:28
be in it it just it wasn't they weren't
00:26:29
going to happen have you ever walked
00:26:30
into like
00:26:31
the lobby of an audition and and
00:26:34
thought oh i should just leave i mean
00:26:37
almost every time i've done it no but
00:26:38
you see who's in the room
00:26:40
yeah i'll give you one yeah i'm not
00:26:41
gonna name the casting director because
00:26:42
she's famous and i've
00:26:44
i i've gone for her like one time and
00:26:47
i'm talking like i'm going up against
00:26:48
like actual famous people like very
00:26:50
famous people i have literally no chance
00:26:52
shia labeouf is there oh yeah why am i
00:26:54
there yeah yeah why literally why am i
00:26:56
there
00:26:56
yeah yeah i see shia labeouf outside
00:26:59
smoking reading lines
00:27:00
in the patio area yeah if you know what
00:27:02
i'm talking about you know and
00:27:03
i have to go up a couple of stairs i'm
00:27:06
nervous seeing shia labeouf
00:27:08
is this place though in um let me just
00:27:10
ask you this just a little bit
00:27:11
is it in santa monica area or is it in
00:27:14
in echo park no santa monica i know it
00:27:17
is yeah
00:27:17
yeah south place is a nightmare so i
00:27:19
have to go up the stairs at least it's a
00:27:20
nightmare it is
00:27:21
and you you can see through the stairs
00:27:22
you know stairs that happened i hate
00:27:23
that place
00:27:24
and i'm walking up the stairs and i see
00:27:26
shiloh and i'm kind of staring at him
00:27:27
smoking yeah yeah the door is opening
00:27:29
someone's leaving
00:27:30
i trip on the top stairs i'm not kidding
00:27:33
i trip on the top stair yeah and in my
00:27:35
mind i'm like go back to your car go
00:27:36
back to your car go back to your car
00:27:37
i was like just leave yeah i just leave
00:27:38
i want i do i was so and they all saw me
00:27:41
yeah he looked up he was smoking looked
00:27:43
up like oh is that
00:27:45
is that idiot red-headed guy okay yeah
00:27:47
and everyone looked out there oh my god
00:27:48
and i sat there like just i mean you
00:27:50
know what dripping with sweat because
00:27:52
you're just
00:27:53
i'm so embarrassed i those feelings of i
00:27:56
should have just gone and you know what
00:27:56
i should have gone home
00:27:57
yeah of course i didn't get it yeah of
00:27:59
course why was i there
00:28:01
yeah you know wendy o'brien i love wendy
00:28:04
o'brien one of the best
00:28:05
she's like in the business you know
00:28:06
she's put me in almost everything i've
00:28:07
done i've already she put me in davey
00:28:09
yeah i've auditioned 50 things for her
00:28:11
yeah not one thing i've ever
00:28:13
she's told me that not one thing she
00:28:15
told me that but
00:28:16
she's the one person where i went i'm
00:28:18
not gonna get it right
00:28:20
i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna kill it
00:28:22
and i'm not gonna get it
00:28:23
but i will go because she's so nice
00:28:26
because she's one of those people that
00:28:27
she'll bring you in
00:28:28
yeah because you deserve to be there
00:28:30
yeah but it's not her final call the
00:28:31
casting directors don't have the final
00:28:33
call
00:28:33
i understand that bro i'm not gonna get
00:28:35
it
00:28:36
i i i ask klyla yeah every time i get
00:28:39
one from her
00:28:40
yeah we get you you have to drive what
00:28:41
on santa monica boulevard yeah
00:28:43
off what yeah well now she's uh kind of
00:28:46
industrial
00:28:47
in india yeah it's in a industrial park
00:28:49
right so whenever i park there and i go
00:28:51
there were times where i've walked out
00:28:52
of there and asked kalella i said i
00:28:54
think i got
00:28:55
it from wendy yeah didn't happen that
00:28:57
never happened let's give her a call
00:28:59
no don't call her i'm gonna call her
00:29:00
right now please don't i like her so
00:29:02
much i don't do a door right now it's
00:29:03
late
00:29:04
hello wendy yeah wendy it's
00:29:07
it's it's santino as you know you're on
00:29:09
you're look you're on my podcast
00:29:10
and bobby wants just wants to ask you
00:29:12
something
00:29:13
oh hi bobby hi wendy how are you all i
00:29:16
did i was just watching harold and
00:29:17
kumar's christmas
00:29:19
oh my god residuals residuals for me for
00:29:21
you in your pocket
00:29:22
uh we were just saying that you're like
00:29:24
one of the best casting directors in la
00:29:25
and that we just love coming to see you
00:29:27
that's all
00:29:27
and what no what else did you say wendy
00:29:29
he needs to tell you something honestly
00:29:31
what
00:29:31
what did i say he's a little upset that
00:29:32
after all these years
00:29:35
that he comes out to see you and then he
00:29:37
can't book with you
00:29:39
what is that no it's just that true i
00:29:41
have a picture of you with boobies
00:29:43
dream corp you had nice and i said oh
00:29:45
yeah i
00:29:46
dreamed i was in so you did book with
00:29:48
her yes i did so you lied
00:29:49
you lied to our fans okay oh can i just
00:29:52
say this though yeah all right
00:29:54
um number one i didn't know that you're
00:29:55
going to call one day i know that's why
00:29:57
i'm pushing yeah you are i'm partly kind
00:29:59
of because i love you so much i'm
00:30:01
probably angry at you
00:30:02
good good good i'm like rageful almost
00:30:04
right yeah but also in paris
00:30:05
right yep and so um right now i'm going
00:30:07
to say thank you so much for dreamcore
00:30:09
uh wendy wendy i will read for you as
00:30:12
many
00:30:13
times as you want me to i love your
00:30:14
[ __ ] i love you so much you know
00:30:16
i love you and um wendy what he said was
00:30:19
we but we talked about you and he said
00:30:20
how much he really enjoyed you
00:30:22
and he was like i love her i'll read for
00:30:23
her no matter what that true truthfully
00:30:25
that's what
00:30:25
that's what he said he said no matter
00:30:26
what i go and i said she's my favorite
00:30:28
and i said well why don't we give her a
00:30:29
call and you can tell her how you feel
00:30:32
i love it i literally was just like
00:30:34
watching you it was last
00:30:36
night two nights ago it came on i'd
00:30:37
never seen any of the heralding kimonos
00:30:40
before but
00:30:41
uh there you were and i only stayed
00:30:42
watching it because it's a scene with
00:30:44
you in the office and then
00:30:46
see thank you and i was like what's so
00:30:48
good you look so good in the face you
00:30:50
look so good
00:30:50
you're so good see you thank you thank
00:30:53
you so much wendy
00:30:54
and i got to tell you something um wendy
00:30:58
is uh when he's going to be casting
00:30:59
something huge and she said they need
00:31:01
asians for it so i think
00:31:04
you might be in it wendy i'll let you go
00:31:06
we love you i love you very much
00:31:10
number one
00:31:10
[Laughter]
00:31:14
take the jacket off it's getting warm in
00:31:16
here anyway
00:31:18
honestly honest honestly no let me
00:31:20
finish she loves you
00:31:22
but tell the story honestly no i'm not
00:31:24
going to tell the story honestly i want
00:31:25
to say this
00:31:26
[Laughter]
00:31:27
honestly honestly honestly okay um
00:31:32
rudy what's been going on with you
00:31:33
lately i'm fine
00:31:36
you're fine because you're acting a
00:31:36
little bit weird you've been coming here
00:31:37
acting really weird
00:31:39
huh yeah your vibe is strange no
00:31:42
i'm doing good you're doing very good
00:31:44
yeah all right we're going to catch up
00:31:45
with you in a second hold on bob you
00:31:46
ready
00:31:47
yeah say what you need to say go ahead
00:31:50
um
00:31:51
so and i'm going to just be completely
00:31:54
truthful with you
00:31:55
yeah remember that guy that you were
00:31:57
that you said you were going to go on a
00:31:58
date with
00:31:59
yeah what happened with that i ignored
00:32:02
him
00:32:03
smart smart girl all right bob go ahead
00:32:08
go ahead papa you you
00:32:11
uh honestly please don't do that again
00:32:15
talk to rudy yeah why she's my face
00:32:17
because i was literally in a rage
00:32:19
i know i'm calming you down i was in a
00:32:20
rage no no and that's not helping
00:32:22
you trying to be me this year this year
00:32:25
that was
00:32:26
putting more fuel on the fire i got it
00:32:28
and i almost snapped
00:32:29
relax but don't do that again relax
00:32:32
so tell go ahead get it out but don't do
00:32:35
that again
00:32:36
oh as someone who's been doing comedy
00:32:39
for 30 years
00:32:40
do not do that again when you say don't
00:32:42
what am i supposed to do if you do it
00:32:44
again
00:32:44
in comedy this long when you say don't
00:32:46
do it again if you do it again yeah i'm
00:32:48
gonna leave
00:32:49
yeah okay and then you'll have to roll
00:32:50
your eyes again
00:32:52
yeah all right okay
00:32:59
piece of [ __ ] garbage say it could
00:33:02
you
00:33:03
bro you dude this is good you're not
00:33:05
true you're me this year and i'm using
00:33:08
what you broke my stomach is bubbling so
00:33:10
i don't give a
00:33:11
[ __ ] because i have bubble guts today
00:33:13
yeah yeah let me say something
00:33:14
you are on my last [ __ ] nerve right
00:33:16
now
00:33:18
it's just [ __ ] driving me
00:33:21
crazy with your [ __ ] attitude man
00:33:24
yeah right
00:33:24
you know i've dealt with your [ __ ]
00:33:26
for a [ __ ] year no you [ __ ]
00:33:28
everything you do i'm [ __ ] pure and
00:33:30
simple
00:33:31
dude good guy okay i'm pure and simple a
00:33:34
good guy what had happened today that
00:33:35
you got in such a bad way
00:33:37
it doesn't matter you know when people
00:33:38
wake up and it's just a [ __ ] bad day
00:33:40
your life is great what i know it is
00:33:42
someone had a bad day
00:33:43
tell me what happened right but what i'm
00:33:45
just saying is is that i get in the car
00:33:47
i drive here
00:33:48
oh first of all our food comes at seven
00:33:50
[ __ ] 50
00:33:51
right because it's two hours late right
00:33:54
it's cold because it's outside
00:33:56
you know i mean all my [ __ ] soggy let me
00:33:58
don't keep that face
00:34:00
wipe that face off your face man keep
00:34:02
that face up keep that face on your
00:34:03
jewels go down and get it
00:34:04
it doesn't come up for another 20
00:34:05
minutes and then so then it's now seven
00:34:07
she's rolled her eyes 750 i'm like if we
00:34:10
don't get in the car right now andrew's
00:34:11
gonna be mad at me because we're [ __ ]
00:34:12
late
00:34:13
let me see you roll your eyes oh it's
00:34:14
bad do it try it
00:34:16
yeah there we go yeah that was good so
00:34:18
um we're late right you're yeah you're
00:34:20
saying i'm going to be late we're going
00:34:21
to be late so i couldn't really even eat
00:34:23
the food because i was already getting
00:34:24
late what about ordering the food
00:34:26
earlier
00:34:26
we did we ordered it at six your food
00:34:29
didn't get there for an hour
00:34:31
because from the other side of town it
00:34:32
was a lot big order right
00:34:34
came back soggy oh my god and so then i
00:34:36
um get in the car i come here
00:34:39
and i'm like i was doing like you know
00:34:41
just you know
00:34:43
just be mindful of andrew and be nice
00:34:45
and yeah
00:34:46
and then um i come in here and the
00:34:49
raging that
00:34:50
is still there but then it's like you
00:34:52
with your it started with your eyes
00:34:53
rolling back in the back of your head
00:34:55
that
00:34:56
that was like [ __ ] you know
00:35:00
nagging me yeah it was yeah it was just
00:35:02
like
00:35:03
here's how good of a day you had you
00:35:04
woke up late in the day you sat around
00:35:06
and played video games then you ordered
00:35:08
food never played video games one time
00:35:09
not today nope wow that's why you're
00:35:11
pissed off
00:35:12
and that's not why why are you mad then
00:35:14
what could have happened today
00:35:16
wait what you know remember the the time
00:35:18
that you got all dizzy and you [ __ ]
00:35:19
hit your head on the thing
00:35:21
remember that [ __ ] move that you did oh
00:35:23
what can't [ __ ] you know i mean
00:35:25
like did i give a [ __ ] about that yeah
00:35:27
you did
00:35:29
i know but my point is no that is the
00:35:30
point i know but the point is is that we
00:35:32
have weird days where we
00:35:33
no that wasn't a weird [ __ ] and we go oh
00:35:35
i'm dizzy we hit our head
00:35:36
on the [ __ ] thing so did you hit your
00:35:38
head on no i'm just saying we just had
00:35:40
you know so today was something
00:35:42
the catalyst today was my dizzy head day
00:35:43
yeah but had a catalyst
00:35:45
something was a catalyst no that was a
00:35:47
catalyst we i i you know
00:35:49
because when you say i had a bad day we
00:35:50
were watching a i woke up and
00:35:52
she was watching some it wasn't love
00:35:55
island but with some sort of mtv show
00:35:57
where a bunch of [ __ ]
00:35:59
reality kids are in an island
00:36:02
and hawaii no just listen right and
00:36:04
they're like trying to match up with it
00:36:06
with each other love island
00:36:07
it's not love island it's american oh it
00:36:09
was that type of and then you know and i
00:36:12
was watching it
00:36:12
i did watch five episodes of it oh that
00:36:16
made you mad i don't know i was just
00:36:17
watching it and i was just kind of go i
00:36:18
didn't know
00:36:19
because it wasn't the first episode it
00:36:20
was like i saw episode four
00:36:23
on right so i don't know who's with what
00:36:25
and i don't know why this show is on
00:36:27
i don't know why there's interest right
00:36:30
and i just see a bunch of
00:36:31
young good-looking people yeah you mean
00:36:34
go you're going
00:36:34
you know i don't know if johnny likes me
00:36:36
but i'm gonna [ __ ] his friend billy you
00:36:38
know i mean and then billy's just like
00:36:39
yeah
00:36:40
yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] savannah but you know
00:36:42
what dude it's like
00:36:43
i don't really like her you know margo's
00:36:45
my girl yeah yeah and it's like all of
00:36:47
this going on and i'm watching
00:36:49
epis just hours of it right and inside
00:36:52
i'm like i want to
00:36:54
kill everyone on this island but you
00:36:56
couldn't stop watching it
00:36:57
i couldn't stop watching it and then it
00:36:59
it was like
00:37:00
in my early twenties i would never you
00:37:03
know who would be asked to be on that
00:37:04
show
00:37:05
and you were as a comic theo vaughn he
00:37:07
was on real world i know we can't
00:37:09
mention that he hates it it'll snap we
00:37:12
cannot bring that up why he's not here
00:37:14
oh yeah yeah one time he told me
00:37:18
he goes yo man don't talk about it we'll
00:37:20
talk about that again
00:37:21
well because you said it on a podcast no
00:37:23
i brought it over that way
00:37:24
oh you brought him on stage oh right i
00:37:26
think you've told me the story he got
00:37:28
pissed off the road rules
00:37:29
yeah and he just didn't like it right so
00:37:31
um but dude everyone has a terrible
00:37:33
thing in their past that they
00:37:34
you know so what i know you think most
00:37:37
of the things i did
00:37:38
on mad tv i'm embarrassed about
00:37:39
sometimes people used to bring me up to
00:37:40
punk
00:37:41
like last year i was like what it was a
00:37:44
decade ago
00:37:45
club still brego from mad tv it's like i
00:37:47
did that [ __ ]
00:37:48
12 15 years ago do you think some kids
00:37:50
don't know what that is do you think
00:37:51
like i know
00:37:52
i don't want them to know you really
00:37:53
don't want but you i don't it's you know
00:37:55
see it's something you should be proud
00:37:56
of because you were good on it
00:37:57
no it's not that listen i'm i was on a
00:38:00
show for eight years they're like a
00:38:01
family to me and and it was my first
00:38:05
you know television experience it was
00:38:06
cool but you want to move forward no
00:38:08
it's just and also it's like i didn't um
00:38:10
i never really i couldn't like ride that
00:38:13
wave
00:38:14
it wasn't a wave you could ride yeah you
00:38:17
know some people get
00:38:18
like you know a big thing and they can
00:38:20
ride it into something else
00:38:22
i couldn't i almost had to go back on
00:38:23
the beach get a new board
00:38:25
and then swim back out yeah but but it's
00:38:28
also because you're not
00:38:29
your priority was always like being
00:38:31
funny and not mark
00:38:32
marketing is not you don't do that thing
00:38:36
i don't know how to do that no it's not
00:38:37
i'm just kind of just i'm not great at
00:38:39
it either it's right so i'm just using
00:38:40
um i'm
00:38:41
i you know bobby lee is the is my
00:38:44
franchise you know
00:38:46
selling this i mean you it's what it's
00:38:48
selling like hot cakes right
00:38:50
i'm just this is what i'm selling so my
00:38:51
point is i was watching this [ __ ]
00:38:53
a bunch of [ __ ] hot people black and
00:38:56
mexican
00:38:59
you know i mean and they get to go do
00:39:01
free they do free [ __ ]
00:39:03
right they drink and they [ __ ] and they
00:39:05
party they get free [ __ ] and in my 20s
00:39:08
i had to pay for it grovel right right i
00:39:11
was never invited to the park so this is
00:39:13
just jealousy and i watched
00:39:14
hours of it and i think maybe that's
00:39:16
what it is yeah yeah
00:39:18
i do agree with you i think it's because
00:39:19
it's like her food and nobody listens to
00:39:21
me go get the food and you know
00:39:23
look at her face look at her face you
00:39:26
mean
00:39:27
i get you a rug and i bring you a big
00:39:29
dog let everybody see your cool shirt
00:39:31
your uh your
00:39:32
hunter hunter shirt who gave you that
00:39:35
bobby
00:39:38
interesting very interesting that's a
00:39:40
very interesting fact actually very
00:39:42
interesting what did you say when he
00:39:42
gave it to you
00:39:44
i said thank you i really love it did
00:39:46
you give him a big hug
00:39:48
a little hug you don't like hugs from
00:39:50
her do you no i do like hugs
00:39:51
let me ask you this jules
00:39:56
when i when i sometimes i'll go hug
00:39:59
and what do you say no hmm no because he
00:40:02
chokes me
00:40:04
oh what that's that makes perfect sense
00:40:06
choked you before in your life no i
00:40:07
think we're figuring something out here
00:40:09
i've choked you yeah when when did i
00:40:11
choke you
00:40:12
last week last week i put my hands
00:40:15
around your neck
00:40:16
and i choked you you could choke from
00:40:17
the side you don't need to die yes
00:40:19
that's a hug
00:40:20
choke hug choke look at the way you're
00:40:22
doing it
00:40:23
that's a choke yeah but you this is not
00:40:24
right stop pause pause look at your
00:40:26
body figure your head's here this is a
00:40:28
choke form this is your head is right
00:40:30
here
00:40:30
and i'm hugging her head is here yeah
00:40:33
her little head right here i don't know
00:40:34
her head her head's here and i'm hug
00:40:36
like that strong hug
00:40:38
i love you choke yeah yeah so it hurts
00:40:41
is what she's saying when you hug her
00:40:42
doesn't hurt she's a delicious little
00:40:44
girl what i do to her mom
00:40:46
i beat the [ __ ] out of her mom i fart in
00:40:49
her mom's
00:40:50
face when she's sleeping i don't give a
00:40:51
[ __ ] why do you do that to her mom
00:40:53
[ __ ] honey that's his mom her mom i know
00:40:56
yeah yeah
00:40:57
i have a video on my instagram where
00:40:59
she's sleeping on her mom
00:41:01
right is sleeping on my couch at my
00:41:03
hotel room
00:41:04
right now and you fart on her i take out
00:41:06
the hole
00:41:08
that's so from the tap right and i
00:41:11
[ __ ] you know
00:41:12
unload one on her you're so reverse
00:41:14
style so mean
00:41:16
upstart oh there's a lot of economic
00:41:21
chatter right now
00:41:22
about the state of the market yeah is it
00:41:23
recovering how long will it take
00:41:25
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00:41:27
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00:41:28
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00:41:31
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00:41:56
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00:42:06
um the hard pull happens if you accept
00:42:07
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if the loan is approved and accepted
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00:42:14
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00:42:24
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00:42:26
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00:42:49
bad friends ship station oh jolly gee
00:42:52
gee kelly gosh do you just use ship
00:42:55
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you know it's like you know we without
00:42:57
ship station we wouldn't get any of our
00:42:59
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00:43:00
nobody would get any we you we love this
00:43:02
company so much yeah they're phenomenal
00:43:04
they're the number one company in the
00:43:05
world when it comes to stuff like to
00:43:06
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00:43:07
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trust me we love it
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we use it they are great it's so easy
00:43:16
and they work with who who do they no
00:43:18
matter what you're selling andrew yeah
00:43:19
or amazon etsy
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or your own website shipstation brings
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into one simple interface yeah making
00:43:27
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even from your cell phone that's right
00:43:32
they work with all the major carriers
00:43:33
who are they bob who do they work with
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they work with um usps yeah let me read
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it usps man
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00:44:22
bad friends ship station make ship
00:44:24
happen
00:44:26
i [ __ ] um i decide
00:44:29
because i'm a good guy i decide you know
00:44:32
what i'll take some of these [ __ ]
00:44:33
people
00:44:34
you know i mean
00:44:38
i want to take them to the greatest
00:44:40
place in the world
00:44:42
where is that disneyland
00:44:45
texas disneyland oh yeah right
00:44:49
so you bring these you know immobiles to
00:44:51
disneyland right
00:44:52
right you buy the little mickey mouse
00:44:54
here so that is that zamasu yeah yeah
00:44:56
yeah yeah you put
00:44:57
the ears yeah right you give them that
00:45:00
what's that flag the wand
00:45:11
oh you feed them you feed it you feed
00:45:12
them yeah you feed them you throw what
00:45:14
you're throwing at them you're right you
00:45:15
don't give it your mom catch you with
00:45:16
your mouth
00:45:19
so then you know we're going and go hey
00:45:20
so let's go on space mountain
00:45:23
no what right the immigrants didn't want
00:45:26
to go on space mountain we don't do
00:45:27
yes you do do you do do you do do when i
00:45:29
bring you yeah you do
00:45:30
then we go to another ride no scary we
00:45:34
don't do
00:45:34
tower terror didn't want to do it oh
00:45:36
that one so now that's called what the
00:45:38
guardian's
00:45:39
a galaxy yeah yeah right yeah it's
00:45:41
called gardens and galaxy now they made
00:45:43
it scarier
00:45:44
that wait tower terror is gone yeah one
00:45:46
of my favorite rides
00:45:47
they made it scary it's now gardens of
00:45:49
the galaxy guardians of the galaxy
00:45:50
it's scarier really yeah it's so [ __ ]
00:45:53
scary do people still die i don't get a
00:45:54
little night
00:45:55
no wow they just sat on the bench and
00:45:58
watched us ride how
00:45:59
rude is that why i did most of the rides
00:46:03
you did guardian against the galaxy only
00:46:05
guardians of the galaxy
00:46:06
why didn't you do it yeah what four i
00:46:08
was really scared
00:46:10
oh grow up really scared what could
00:46:13
happen disney's a major corporation you
00:46:14
think they're going to let you die or
00:46:15
get hurt on that ride
00:46:17
no but that's right just take the hit
00:46:20
so i i told them i go i do think people
00:46:22
die once at least once a year on those
00:46:24
things yeah but the odds yeah yeah yeah
00:46:26
it's not going to happen
00:46:27
but you know where i want to take them
00:46:28
now next time they're in town that's
00:46:30
barry farm
00:46:31
no magic mountain oh yeah six flags but
00:46:34
they'll never go on any of that
00:46:35
no i said no that you said you would i
00:46:37
would
00:46:38
yeah you know you won't no those are way
00:46:41
scarier
00:46:41
disneyland those are way bigger those
00:46:43
things when you look at those things
00:46:45
you're like
00:46:45
can i do it you know where you you're in
00:46:48
line you're like what am i doing
00:46:49
yeah yeah that's how scary they are no
00:46:51
they're freak
00:46:53
you don't know how to get it you got to
00:46:54
put your ankles in a like little metal
00:46:55
thing and you think well this thing
00:46:56
works well listen
00:46:59
and they lock you in but then also you
00:47:00
start by flipping over sometimes yeah
00:47:02
you're forwarding yeah they go
00:47:03
right so we're starting
00:47:06
freaking we all gotta go wait don't make
00:47:09
her what's that face what's that face
00:47:11
i'm scared no you gotta go you again
00:47:14
how many people die a year no i'm afraid
00:47:17
i'm gonna pee on my pants
00:47:19
oh seriously yeah in your pants or on
00:47:22
she takes her pants off and just pees on
00:47:24
them
00:47:25
approximately four deaths annually in
00:47:27
the united states associated with roller
00:47:29
coasters
00:47:30
although traumatic injuries resulting in
00:47:31
the death of roller coasters patron tend
00:47:32
to receive the most
00:47:33
deaths that's too much for my [ __ ]
00:47:35
blood i think four
00:47:36
that's not that many people how many
00:47:37
rides are there though 20. this is well
00:47:40
this is only in the united states
00:47:41
okay how many more deaths how many
00:47:44
people a year die
00:47:44
how many people die a year at disneyland
00:47:48
yeah because there's got to be some a
00:47:51
list of instance reports oh man there's
00:47:52
a whole list
00:47:55
there's a lot like what well this is uh
00:47:58
negligence part of the guest part of the
00:48:00
park
00:48:01
wow well let's see recently on july 6
00:48:04
2019 a fight broke out
00:48:06
at mickey's toontown after reports that
00:48:09
a woman had spit into a man's face the
00:48:11
four people and their families were
00:48:12
escorted off the property and charges
00:48:13
were
00:48:14
considered like the tower of terror
00:48:15
incident
00:48:17
it was filmed on camera phone uploaded
00:48:18
youtube what happened to tower of terror
00:48:20
look at that 2019 was the last time
00:48:22
there was an altercation
00:48:24
construction accident this year 38 year
00:48:25
old construction worker was fatally
00:48:26
injured when a steel plate
00:48:28
fell on him while working in a trench oh
00:48:30
my god they tried to perform cpr but he
00:48:32
died
00:48:34
wow that's so sad that's a sad thing
00:48:37
that happened to that guy but
00:48:38
again you know you lose some you lose
00:48:42
some i guess
00:48:44
parking structures look at how many
00:48:45
parking lot structures in mickey's
00:48:47
toontown
00:48:48
what could provoke the fight broke out
00:48:51
like why would you hey bro you guys are
00:48:54
skipping in line at toontown hey
00:48:55
and then i would be like hey bro my bad
00:48:58
no bro now you're bad bro we got to
00:48:59
throw down
00:49:00
no we've been here since are you going
00:49:02
to spit on me bro
00:49:03
yeah bro back up son
00:49:06
[Laughter]
00:49:08
yeah this has infectious diseases too
00:49:10
yeah between
00:49:11
december 17th and 20th to visit us the
00:49:14
park were exposed to measles
00:49:16
is that still around and look where it's
00:49:17
from show some of the rides at magic
00:49:18
mountain
00:49:19
oh yeah you got to see some of the magic
00:49:21
mountain magic mountain rides
00:49:23
you got to go on these hot
00:49:26
six flags at the park baby magic
00:49:29
mountain
00:49:30
six flags it may be one of the best six
00:49:33
flags ever we had one in chicago and
00:49:34
outside chicago it's called
00:49:36
um great america wow and they had the
00:49:39
old they had the american eagle was the
00:49:41
the the uh the wooden one our rides
00:49:45
okay look apocalypse all wood sent from
00:49:47
the future
00:49:48
they still got batman which is crazy
00:49:50
yeah the best one i don't think they
00:49:52
have anymore deja vu
00:49:53
that was fun well it's in no it's not
00:49:55
because it's in alphabetical order
00:49:56
daffy's adventure tours
00:49:58
and dive devil what's dive devil that's
00:50:00
that's one of those where you take a
00:50:01
leap and it swings through the
00:50:02
phoenix elmer's weather balloons
00:50:05
yeah forget that one and what's full
00:50:07
throttle photo they use yeah full
00:50:09
throttle like this is crazy this kind of
00:50:11
[ __ ] is
00:50:11
look at that look at that bananas
00:50:13
bananas
00:50:14
you want to see what it looks like rudy
00:50:16
this is what we're going to do we're
00:50:17
going to do this as soon as panty's done
00:50:19
look at there it is this is us on full
00:50:21
throttle
00:50:23
oh yeah dude and a lot of times people
00:50:25
fall out right here
00:50:26
people die people dumb i'm dying and
00:50:29
they hit the
00:50:30
rail then the ground right they rail fly
00:50:33
right
00:50:34
and they break their neck and usually
00:50:35
they end up don't they don't actually
00:50:36
die right away
00:50:38
these aren't as scary though with the
00:50:39
loopy loop ones no i like the ones that
00:50:41
are
00:50:42
yeah i like the ones when you go
00:50:43
straight from top all the way to the
00:50:45
bottom
00:50:45
there you go yeah that's good diversity
00:50:48
yeah yeah
00:50:49
that's the one where it goes straight up
00:50:50
see i'm always afraid that these bars
00:50:52
are gonna um
00:50:53
break snap yeah well look it's on just
00:50:55
like a hinge it's on like a it's on a
00:50:56
looks like a lollipop yeah you'll be
00:50:58
like lollipop material
00:51:00
it's just like a hydraulic hinge what if
00:51:02
this thing just decides to just be like
00:51:03
fail nip nip and opens up yeah
00:51:07
or you know how it doesn't you know like
00:51:09
it locks yeah but i'm always afraid it's
00:51:10
going to unlock
00:51:12
well you know how it works but there's
00:51:14
still some space
00:51:15
you know what i mean like there's still
00:51:16
it's still it's still a little space by
00:51:18
the way
00:51:18
speaking of which have you seen the
00:51:19
video that circulated again about dmx
00:51:22
on the slingshot uh-uh
00:51:25
come on who's dmx dmx the rapper what
00:51:28
oh yeah this guy on the slingshot you've
00:51:29
never seen this this may be one of the
00:51:30
funniest videos i've ever seen in my
00:51:32
entire life
00:51:34
has it gone yet no he's amping himself
00:51:37
up he's just getting excited to do it
00:51:38
just because he's nervous so he has to
00:51:40
yell look at how fast he's breathing
00:51:42
look at his body yeah
00:51:55
these are grown men
00:51:56
[Laughter]
00:52:00
keep going keep going no he there's
00:52:02
nothing happen they slowly let them down
00:52:04
oh really yeah oh i like it when they
00:52:06
pass out or they vomit on each other oh
00:52:08
the
00:52:08
people when people pass out is my
00:52:09
favorite look think about how your face
00:52:11
is on this
00:52:12
sweaty thing this is my biggest pet
00:52:14
peeve with
00:52:15
with rides and stuff yeah i mean think
00:52:18
about
00:52:18
even pre-pandy i hated touchy gross
00:52:22
sweaty
00:52:23
black people all up in the thing they
00:52:25
know how rude it would be to just
00:52:27
wipe it down uh i would i would
00:52:29
absolutely if a guy leaves what if he
00:52:30
turns around and looks at you and i go
00:52:32
you look gross
00:52:34
it's not my fault you look gross yeah i
00:52:36
would absolutely wipe off the in fact
00:52:38
do you think i was talking to this uh do
00:52:39
you think people are gonna start doing
00:52:40
that now
00:52:41
constantly oh maybe like when pandy's
00:52:43
over do you think that's just gonna be
00:52:44
the norm oh i mean
00:52:46
when i was on the flight you know what i
00:52:48
mean so everyone in first class was like
00:52:50
yeah i mean to hawaii wiping everything
00:52:53
down yeah
00:52:54
that's what i did that's what i do you
00:52:56
didn't wipe it down at all
00:52:57
no i had two masks on yeah your mask is
00:53:01
yeah
00:53:01
and i had another [ __ ] shield were
00:53:04
you touching it though
00:53:05
what you what no i i you know you know
00:53:08
how i do it yeah
00:53:09
i mean i snuck on like this i sat down
00:53:11
right yeah i put the seat belt on
00:53:13
right and i put more you know yeah but
00:53:15
that's all and you don't it's not like
00:53:17
you use anything anymore
00:53:18
well i just figured like if some gets
00:53:20
coveted gets on my first of all
00:53:22
you can't get it from surfaces i heard
00:53:25
you
00:53:26
could if you touched it it was fresh and
00:53:27
you put it to your mouth or face
00:53:30
so here at bad friends we're not
00:53:32
licensed medical professionals we are
00:53:34
comics with barely a high school diploma
00:53:36
for medical information go to the cdc
00:53:38
website and
00:53:40
you know don't [ __ ] listen to us if
00:53:42
they have pictures of it look at the
00:53:43
kova just hanging out smoking i know but
00:53:45
how long does kovat chill they don't
00:53:47
really know
00:53:47
a couple hours on certain services andre
00:53:50
so trace's wife is in the medical tell
00:53:52
us andres three days
00:53:53
three days all right so if i okay so for
00:53:55
instance if there was covid right here
00:53:56
on this table
00:53:58
right we cleaned this before everyone i
00:53:59
know i understand that but uh
00:54:01
andreas yes and i touched it right
00:54:04
yeah after like an hour yep and i
00:54:07
put in my eyeball why are you touching
00:54:09
your eye i put up my eyeball
00:54:11
right could i get covered yes did we
00:54:14
clean this desk this morning
00:54:15
we do yeah we do every day yeah can you
00:54:18
get covered from surfaces
00:54:20
yeah no wait kovid from surfaces i know
00:54:24
from surfaces yeah i'll do it
00:54:27
it may be possible that a person can get
00:54:28
covenanting by touching a surface or
00:54:29
object that has the virus on and then
00:54:31
touching their own mouth nose or
00:54:32
possibly their eyes
00:54:33
but this is not thought to be the main
00:54:35
way yeah it's not the main way
00:54:36
it doesn't matter it's our way what it's
00:54:38
got to be the main way babe
00:54:40
no it's not that's like saying you can't
00:54:42
get hiv from having
00:54:44
non-butt sex no it's like you know butt
00:54:46
sex is probably the most common way
00:54:48
not the main way but you could get it
00:54:51
what's the main way
00:54:52
butt sex right what's the non-main way
00:54:54
yeah vaginal sex
00:55:00
transfusion transfusion there's other
00:55:02
ways
00:55:04
it's more like i think that was a good
00:55:05
example andre yes i know i think
00:55:07
can you get hiv from spitting in
00:55:09
somebody's mouth
00:55:10
no but can you make out with somebody if
00:55:13
you both have cuts inside your mouth
00:55:14
still won't spread that even your cuts
00:55:15
inside the mouth still won't spread that
00:55:17
way but if i had to cut out my dick and
00:55:18
you're giving me a
00:55:19
job then the likelihood could could be
00:55:21
there yes
00:55:22
okay so there we go so that's like what
00:55:24
probably 0.1 percent gets it it's
00:55:26
happened
00:55:27
right it's happened there was a guy i
00:55:28
needed to take the rest there was a guy
00:55:29
that had a huge huge
00:55:30
take a risk on that all right well i
00:55:32
guess i'm gonna if i have a cut on my
00:55:33
dick and you have a cut in your [ __ ]
00:55:34
thing and i have hiv or you have hiv i'm
00:55:36
willing to take the risk well if you
00:55:37
have hiv and you're gonna give it to me
00:55:38
then you don't care at all
00:55:40
okay but if you even if you had hiv
00:55:43
right you had to cut your mouth
00:55:44
right and i had to cut on my dick right
00:55:46
i would [ __ ] risk it
00:55:47
you would yeah really oh yeah that seems
00:55:50
silly
00:55:51
it's what 0.001 chance to get it that's
00:55:54
but
00:55:54
the one existed but then i'll be like
00:55:56
i'll go i'll go to [ __ ] um
00:55:58
magic johnson's house he beat it
00:56:01
i know okay well then i'll go give me
00:56:04
your [ __ ] give me the fix yeah
00:56:06
now do you think he got it from a guy
00:56:10
that's a real that's real because his
00:56:12
wife doesn't have it
00:56:14
i think when we saw that richard pryor
00:56:15
thing the other day mm-hmm
00:56:17
i think more guys [ __ ] in the ass and we
00:56:19
we don't that we're not privy to
00:56:21
a lot of men have had sexual relations
00:56:24
with men done stuff with men i believe
00:56:27
and i truly believe this
00:56:28
that you've done some stuff with men
00:56:32
okay and then don't be embarrassed i
00:56:34
mean i haven't but i mean don't be
00:56:35
embarrassed by it
00:56:36
okay okay you have and don't be
00:56:38
embarrassed what did i do
00:56:39
i don't know your private life but i'm
00:56:41
just i know your nature
00:56:42
yeah i don't know what kind of guy you
00:56:44
are you've had
00:56:46
no just being honest what when did i do
00:56:48
this i don't know when
00:56:50
no you do so tell me when you probably
00:56:51
happened in college what college did you
00:56:53
go to arizona state
00:56:54
arizona state right it's pre-party town
00:56:56
big party school right you probably went
00:56:58
to a party yeah i'm there
00:57:00
you got drunk yeah right and you went
00:57:02
hey
00:57:03
john just kidding yeah
00:57:06
and john went all right the closest i've
00:57:09
ever come
00:57:10
is uh being in a three in the devil's
00:57:12
threesome me and my friend and a girl
00:57:15
yeah but what'd you do in the devils uh
00:57:17
the true story
00:57:18
or the or the comedy versions would you
00:57:20
do the devils here's what's really sad
00:57:22
what did you touch his penis no no your
00:57:25
penises touch your penis
00:57:26
no not even close because she was dog
00:57:29
style and i was
00:57:30
hitting it from behind and then he was
00:57:31
getting his his knobs lobbed
00:57:33
and the worst part was is he started
00:57:35
talking
00:57:36
yeah and it freaked me out and i had to
00:57:38
like as fast as i could i had he was
00:57:39
like oh yeah
00:57:42
yeah i was like no no i was already
00:57:44
weirded out about the whole thing
00:57:46
yeah you know what mike barton did to me
00:57:47
who he's a comic named mike burton
00:57:50
what did he do to you he gave me a
00:57:51
thumbs up
00:57:53
while you guys were hooking up with
00:57:54
something with the girl this he'd give
00:57:55
you thumbs up he went like this i was
00:57:56
just i was going down on her
00:57:58
right and he was getting blown by her
00:58:00
right
00:58:01
man you got the raw into that dude yeah
00:58:02
i was eating her out and i look up and
00:58:04
he looked he was looking at me the whole
00:58:06
time i think
00:58:06
yeah right because it's like because
00:58:08
once i looked up he was already looking
00:58:09
at he's just staring down
00:58:10
freaked me out yeah i was just like i
00:58:12
was doing my business down here man
00:58:14
you know i mean don't look at my work
00:58:15
you're diving and he's just chilling you
00:58:16
know what i mean
00:58:17
yeah hey bob yeah so i i i'm down i look
00:58:21
and he's like this
00:58:22
and he looks at me goes
00:58:25
and i went and you kept going
00:58:28
yeah and i kept going but see that's
00:58:29
very nice that you kept going no my god
00:58:32
my buddy talked
00:58:33
look at me my buddy talked and i had to
00:58:34
finish as fast as i could yeah
00:58:36
and this is probably mean she probably
00:58:37
took this the wrong way i got in the
00:58:39
shower immediately
00:58:40
they kept hooking up for the next like
00:58:41
hour i got in the shower and went back
00:58:42
downstairs at the party
00:58:44
yeah that was the closest i've come to
00:58:45
any kind of like male sexual encounter
00:58:48
i've never had one i'll be genuine with
00:58:49
you i would tell you if i had something
00:58:50
weird
00:58:51
brian i i've taken brian keith edward
00:58:53
and aaron cater
00:58:54
bke you know bk yeah yeah yeah and aaron
00:58:57
cater
00:58:59
i've taken the breakfast with the girls
00:59:02
afterwards wait what explain what you're
00:59:05
saying
00:59:06
i had a sexual thing with a bunch of
00:59:08
girls and aaron cater and brian keith
00:59:10
etheridge
00:59:10
all you guys together yes weird combo
00:59:12
and then after i know
00:59:13
and then afterwards you know i mean i
00:59:15
bought breakfast
00:59:16
that's right no but that's one of the
00:59:18
like i wish i hadn't done that was that
00:59:20
a cafe 101 rest in peace no it wasn't
00:59:22
vegas oh okay but it's such a weird
00:59:25
awkward breakfast
00:59:26
yeah of course why would you do five in
00:59:27
the morning you just want to go to sleep
00:59:29
you want everyone out
00:59:30
yeah cause it's your hotel room right
00:59:32
where you want everyone out
00:59:33
and you're just kind of eating this
00:59:35
shitty omelette you know i mean you know
00:59:37
i mean you got like
00:59:39
fl you have things in your mouth you
00:59:41
know i mean you have like
00:59:42
chunks of other things in your mouth
00:59:44
right you're completely
00:59:46
just depleted of any kind of like fluids
00:59:48
right
00:59:49
right and you're just you feel gross
00:59:51
about the whole experience
00:59:52
also you you i don't you know at the
00:59:55
time i didn't know those two guys that
00:59:56
well
00:59:57
how did that even happen we weren't
00:59:58
besties right you know what i mean i
01:00:00
made them an open mic it was just a gig
01:00:02
it was a gig right and um i'm just
01:00:04
eating this [ __ ] sh
01:00:05
and just looking at them and you know
01:00:07
brian keith which is one of the ugliest
01:00:09
guys
01:00:10
i've ever seen in my [ __ ] you said it
01:00:12
not me he is he handsome
01:00:15
i don't remember he has no chin
01:00:17
literally noun well what if he hears
01:00:19
this bob he's i've already talked about
01:00:20
i've done i did this
01:00:22
i did the story on comedy central
01:00:23
already but did you call him ugly
01:00:25
yeah he's the one the ugliest people
01:00:27
i've ever seen in my life
01:00:29
really you think this guy's the most one
01:00:30
of the ugliest people you've ever seen
01:00:31
in your life depends on what photo you
01:00:32
see
01:00:33
oh that yeah you're a mean one
01:00:37
mr grinch he's not that ugly he
01:00:40
again looks like another rick classman
01:00:42
it is funny how many rick glassman's
01:00:43
is this him now that's what he looks
01:00:45
like now huh
01:00:47
wow that's not him sure is
01:00:51
uh sure is that's not him yes it is yes
01:00:54
it is dude that's him today
01:00:55
no that's him right there this right
01:00:56
here yeah yeah yeah that's him
01:00:58
that's him right there on the right yeah
01:01:00
none on the left this is him right here
01:01:02
yeah that's him
01:01:03
he's all right looking he's all right
01:01:05
guys rudy what do you think about that
01:01:06
guy is he handsome
01:01:09
he looks creepy he looks creepy she says
01:01:11
oh he is creepy
01:01:12
what he is very creepy what what vibe
01:01:16
why does he give you that vibe right
01:01:17
away the mouth and the eyes
01:01:20
the mouth see women can tell if guys are
01:01:22
creepy by their mouth
01:01:24
isn't that weird yeah let's show her a
01:01:26
picture of somebody and see if she
01:01:27
thinks they're creepy just by their
01:01:28
mouth
01:01:29
who's somebody we're friends with that
01:01:30
we can show her and see if they're
01:01:32
creepy right just by their mouth
01:01:34
a comic she might not know okay give me
01:01:37
somebody
01:01:38
who's someone that she might not know
01:01:39
that do they look creepy yeah do you
01:01:41
know who anthony jesselnik is
01:01:43
no great perfect close your eyes close
01:01:45
your eyes
01:01:46
all right is this guy is this guy a
01:01:49
creep or whatever
01:01:50
zoom in about no no don't zoom in the
01:01:51
mouth first i mean that's as close as
01:01:53
i'm gonna get
01:01:53
no so you can look at the mouth and not
01:01:55
the face and then you can zoom out
01:01:57
that's very smart keep your eyes closed
01:01:59
woman yeah
01:02:01
all right that's as close as we can get
01:02:02
on this dude you can't zoom into the
01:02:04
mouth
01:02:05
no right there okay there we go do that
01:02:08
all right what do you think
01:02:10
yeah creepy yeah wow interesting and
01:02:13
then that's what he looks like regular
01:02:14
how do you think
01:02:16
kinda oh still wow all right close your
01:02:19
eyes again he's cute
01:02:20
i think he's really yeah he's a handsome
01:02:21
guy yeah jim jeffries do you know jim
01:02:23
jeffries she doesn't know he doesn't
01:02:24
know any of them
01:02:25
no this mouth right here right
01:02:28
all right rudy creep or not a creep
01:02:34
i don't think so i don't think so yeah i
01:02:36
don't think so that's jim ah
01:02:38
oh is it bad now it's bad now
01:02:41
is it bad now kind of yeah yeah wow
01:02:44
great guy great guy great another great
01:02:47
guy great comment
01:02:48
great guy so you maybe you think all
01:02:49
guys are creepy yeah close your eyes
01:02:51
close your eyes let's do one more
01:02:52
another one see one more i want to see
01:02:56
if you
01:03:02
all right rude what do you think is this
01:03:05
guy creepy
01:03:07
yeah yeah yes he is by the way what a
01:03:10
photo
01:03:11
bob oh my god promo yeah and they said
01:03:13
take another one and you said that one's
01:03:15
the one
01:03:17
that one will do yeah [ __ ] you let me
01:03:18
see that photo i've never seen that
01:03:19
photo before
01:03:20
this one yeah what's going on this is on
01:03:22
a morning news show oh yeah yeah and you
01:03:23
look like you're
01:03:24
like dripping from coke sweat yeah yeah
01:03:28
it's really sad what they're able to put
01:03:29
up on the internet without your approval
01:03:30
i know
01:03:31
you don't have to say yeah you don't get
01:03:32
to say yes to any of this yeah i have so
01:03:33
many bad photos
01:03:34
oh terrible like why is that up there i
01:03:36
don't know look at this one kaleido
01:03:37
looks great
01:03:38
she looked great on that she looks great
01:03:40
that's so funny now see that other asian
01:03:42
guy
01:03:42
his name is bobby lee too and he's
01:03:43
trying to get yeah he's trying to get
01:03:45
into my [ __ ] [ __ ]
01:03:46
no i know yeah god his eyes are so far
01:03:48
apart i know
01:03:49
like like a hammerhead shark
01:03:53
this is not going anywhere this podcast
01:03:54
right i can't i can't i i
01:03:57
have to continue some other time no no
01:03:59
we're going to do a little bit more time
01:04:00
it's terrible i can't do it i i'm just
01:04:02
not
01:04:03
everything i'm saying is not good and
01:04:05
i'm just going yeah yeah
01:04:07
you're fine no it's not it's not good i
01:04:09
feel you it's tough
01:04:11
no you don't i'm not adding an
01:04:13
information for some reason i'm just
01:04:14
kind of like
01:04:17
lost and i don't know what to say i
01:04:18
don't know what every story
01:04:21
i had to cut around because i've already
01:04:23
said it a thousand times it's like
01:04:25
i've done so many podcasts it's like you
01:04:27
just you know i know i know
01:04:28
years it's like you just kind of get to
01:04:30
a point where it's like
01:04:31
what else is there to say i don't know
01:04:34
what else to say i don't just live in
01:04:35
we can live in the conversation at the
01:04:37
moment and let it go where it is i know
01:04:38
but it's like it's like sometimes
01:04:40
it's like i don't know we went into
01:04:43
matching mountain rides
01:04:44
that was ridiculous and it was really
01:04:46
kind of fun
01:04:48
and then like it's drifting in and out
01:04:50
of different things that don't
01:04:52
really make any kind of sense to me of
01:04:55
why
01:04:55
anyone would give a [ __ ] it's amazing to
01:04:58
me that anybody gives a [ __ ] general
01:04:59
and they do you know what i mean
01:05:01
like who gives a [ __ ] they do they like
01:05:03
it
01:05:04
this is your existential moment yeah
01:05:06
you're really having a crisis right now
01:05:08
do you do this on belly
01:05:12
no because um no because there's a guess
01:05:14
he turns around plays video games
01:05:16
that's not it is it's and belly it's
01:05:18
different because it's like we talk
01:05:19
about
01:05:21
belly's different because we talk about
01:05:23
what's going on in the house
01:05:25
also we have a guest you know the guest
01:05:27
and then we also
01:05:28
it's it's also i always tell like
01:05:31
it's just different you know this one
01:05:34
the pressure is
01:05:36
is more there's no pressure on that one
01:05:38
because
01:05:39
this one you know i it's like you're so
01:05:42
good that like you know
01:05:44
i just sometimes i just kind of go
01:05:48
i don't want to i don't know what i'm
01:05:50
doing
01:05:52
you don't want to do it anymore no i
01:05:54
want to do it i just
01:05:56
of course i want to do it no i know yeah
01:05:57
i mean i just don't know what i'm doing
01:05:59
right now
01:06:00
well let's get to another let's get to
01:06:01
another point and then we can we can all
01:06:03
way through his cruise
01:06:03
little break or something smoke a
01:06:05
cigarette and that'll help me
01:06:07
look at me look at me look at me sweet
01:06:10
boy anyone cares
01:06:12
well you're doing good why are you
01:06:13
having this existential weird moment
01:06:15
you don't know what anything means
01:06:17
really let's talk about that
01:06:20
i don't know what anything means i don't
01:06:21
know anything
01:06:23
that's another thing is i realize i
01:06:25
don't know anything
01:06:27
i don't know anything no i really don't
01:06:30
know
01:06:31
i don't know anything about anything i
01:06:34
don't know how anything works i don't
01:06:35
know
01:06:35
what i believe in i don't know you know
01:06:38
how long i have left what am i doing
01:06:41
with the time that i have
01:06:44
you know what is this
01:06:47
this i mean genuinely do you mean this
01:06:50
yeah
01:06:50
i have these moments of just like what
01:06:52
would you rather be doing
01:06:56
even when i'm playing video games i'm
01:06:57
like this isn't it
01:07:01
what do you think you should be doing
01:07:02
filling your phone that's the thing
01:07:03
there's got to be
01:07:04
you're having kind of like a midlife
01:07:05
crisis no i'm not
01:07:08
i think it has to do with like the
01:07:09
pandemic
01:07:11
because it's like i can't leave so it's
01:07:13
like you know i can't leave
01:07:15
and i can't do anything i can't do
01:07:17
anything that i want to do
01:07:19
i can't do stand up i can't do anything
01:07:22
so it's like my days are left of just
01:07:25
watching
01:07:25
old star trek next generation episodes
01:07:28
to
01:07:29
trying to watch other things that you
01:07:32
know i mean that people are saying you
01:07:33
should watch this
01:07:34
this is great on netflix it's trending
01:07:36
number three you know i mean
01:07:38
and you just kind of watch it this
01:07:39
morning when i watched that reality show
01:07:40
was just on i was watching going
01:07:43
this is the day and this is going to end
01:07:46
the same as it did last night and then
01:07:49
it's like and then i realized
01:07:50
like what's the point of it all there's
01:07:52
nothing to do well
01:07:53
and then i'm going to hawaii you know at
01:07:56
the end of the week or when a couple i
01:07:57
don't know when i go you know you know
01:07:58
but it's like
01:08:02
why we'll go what's the point because
01:08:04
there's a job there
01:08:05
yeah i know but um but let's talk i'm
01:08:08
being serious yeah
01:08:10
are you having this crisis moment
01:08:11
because you feel like you're you're not
01:08:12
being fulfilled
01:08:15
it's not just fulfilled it's what's the
01:08:16
point of it all well
01:08:18
let's go over the point there is no
01:08:20
point i hate this business
01:08:22
mm-hmm and i and uh let's get out and
01:08:25
i'm done
01:08:26
i think you're done in a week you're
01:08:29
going to hawaii to film another episode
01:08:30
of magnificent
01:08:31
that's not the business though that is
01:08:33
literally the business yeah but when you
01:08:34
show up there it's like
01:08:36
you realize they even go people watch
01:08:38
this like
01:08:39
it's not a thing like you know when i
01:08:40
did love yeah and should have patel's
01:08:43
around everyone's around
01:08:44
and they take them some seriously that
01:08:46
right there
01:08:47
to me is the business you know i mean so
01:08:50
you prefer when people are taking
01:08:51
themselves
01:08:52
no i want to be a part of that group i
01:08:53
want to be a part of like the cool group
01:08:55
i want to be a part of like
01:08:56
you are in the cool group i'm not i'm in
01:08:58
the like ghetto [ __ ]
01:08:59
here's the problem that i think you're
01:09:00
mistaken yeah most people aren't in this
01:09:03
fake group that you think people are
01:09:04
i want to be in it you're not in it and
01:09:06
you want it because it doesn't exist
01:09:08
it does no because you ask them and
01:09:09
they'll even tell you i don't even know
01:09:10
what you're talking about
01:09:12
yeah those people want to be in it too
01:09:13
and that's why you butt heads with them
01:09:16
butt heads with who you know you're
01:09:19
talking about who
01:09:20
i know tell me who what's what's his
01:09:22
name seth
01:09:24
seth the guy that was in the disaster
01:09:26
honors what's his name
01:09:28
seth rogen yeah how do i butt heads what
01:09:29
are you talking about you got
01:09:31
you gave him [ __ ] about the lines and
01:09:33
the thing and then no
01:09:34
i no i didn't give him [ __ ] about it i
01:09:36
publicly talked [ __ ] about not having
01:09:38
anything but you have to understand that
01:09:40
there was tension between you two you
01:09:41
said
01:09:42
no the the idea was the idea was like
01:09:45
i don't think they cared that i was
01:09:47
bummed that i got taken out
01:09:49
so that made me sad it was a bummer then
01:09:51
you could approach him and then he was
01:09:53
like
01:09:53
weird with you no but no i didn't
01:09:56
approach him about the lines but the
01:09:57
next time i saw him it was kind of weird
01:09:59
yeah are you weird now with him i
01:10:01
haven't seen him yeah
01:10:03
but you think there's weirdness do you
01:10:04
think he likes you i don't think he
01:10:06
cares about me as a i don't think he
01:10:07
gives a [ __ ] that i exist i don't
01:10:09
i think he that's what it is i think he
01:10:10
probably there are people that he
01:10:11
doesn't care
01:10:12
about well of course yeah no but i'm
01:10:14
okay with that
01:10:15
i just think that he goes that kid's
01:10:17
nice kind of funny
01:10:18
it didn't work out with us no i don't
01:10:21
think he cares
01:10:22
but here's my thing i gotta start i
01:10:24
gotta be a part of a group
01:10:25
right that's doing high-level [ __ ] that
01:10:28
everyone wants to be a part
01:10:30
of we we make this show and people
01:10:32
[ __ ] love this show
01:10:33
i know but i'm it's i know i understand
01:10:34
that that's great so you want this to be
01:10:36
highbrow
01:10:37
and [ __ ] no i don't want to harvard
01:10:38
lampoon [ __ ] no no i don't want to say
01:10:40
hi
01:10:40
i know but i want it like we're not
01:10:43
smart enough you and i are not that
01:10:44
smart
01:10:45
that's what i'm saying what are we doing
01:10:47
this is great what did we do we were
01:10:49
dumb
01:10:50
yeah it's great what are we doing here
01:10:51
around we're gonna read something man
01:10:54
we're gonna learn about things we're
01:10:55
speaking for the idiots oh
01:10:57
god that's it that's what i need
01:11:00
we're dumb we're dumb but we've always
01:11:03
said we're dumb
01:11:04
oh and let me tell you something yeah i
01:11:06
don't want to be smart
01:11:08
because this is fun i'm having a great
01:11:11
[ __ ] time
01:11:12
being dumb with you is more fun than
01:11:14
anything i've done and it's
01:11:15
usually great it's usually you're in a
01:11:17
just like you're in a weird head space
01:11:18
it's like
01:11:19
you know there are snooty pit
01:11:23
parts about me yeah but you've been
01:11:25
you've manufactured faster than that no
01:11:26
i'm very snooty when it comes to like
01:11:28
you mean i don't like these kind of
01:11:30
films or these kind of yeah you've
01:11:31
manufactured that
01:11:33
you've made that up and i've always
01:11:34
wanted to be a part of like the cool
01:11:36
group
01:11:37
and it's like even since i was in
01:11:38
[ __ ] high school
01:11:40
i could never get in i can never get in
01:11:43
with the cool kids here's the ir here's
01:11:45
the irony and i want to be in the cool
01:11:46
kids now
01:11:47
name to me the cool kids because they
01:11:49
were the dorks for sure
01:11:51
who you think are the cool kids are
01:11:53
dorks i know
01:11:54
so what are you even talking about you
01:11:57
don't want to be friends with them
01:11:59
whoever you're talking about they don't
01:12:01
exist i know you you make up the idea
01:12:02
that there's this group that you would
01:12:03
join and hang out with but it's not
01:12:07
you know i do these podcasts because
01:12:11
it was the last thing that i could do to
01:12:13
survive
01:12:14
at the beginning oh yeah it was the la
01:12:16
it was like oh it's either this or get a
01:12:18
day job
01:12:19
but now you do the podcast my point is
01:12:21
is that
01:12:22
so it's the podcasting stuff isn't you
01:12:25
know
01:12:26
i loved doing it saved me like in a way
01:12:29
right but it's like
01:12:30
it wasn't you know why i came to l.a why
01:12:33
did you come to la
01:12:35
i thought that i honestly thought that i
01:12:36
would be a movie star
01:12:38
but that's not that's but that's not
01:12:40
that's not a real thought what do you
01:12:41
know but that's one of my go that was my
01:12:43
dream like i want to be a movie star and
01:12:44
i'm going to do
01:12:45
these i'm going to do all this stuff but
01:12:47
you are off working act readjust your
01:12:48
dream then i know i'm gonna have
01:12:50
to but my point is that and so every
01:12:51
once in a while and people think that
01:12:52
i'm complaining or
01:12:54
whining i'm not whining i'm just you
01:12:55
know i'm just it gets to a point where
01:12:57
you're just kind of like
01:12:59
what the [ __ ] am i doing you know and it
01:13:02
has to do with the pandemic too it's
01:13:03
like you know i don't
01:13:05
we're like here's another thing and this
01:13:06
is a part of my thing is you know every
01:13:09
once in a while i like to go buy clothes
01:13:12
i know you know i have this weird
01:13:15
obsession with like
01:13:16
you know i'll go you know i'll go to
01:13:18
self edge and maybe i'll get a new
01:13:20
you know i mean japanese raw denim you
01:13:22
know i mean i'll wear it out this year
01:13:24
i'll just wear it every day right and
01:13:26
get the creases and make it right
01:13:27
right and so i i look at my emails i've
01:13:31
ordered 10 000 things online and they
01:13:32
have none of them come
01:13:33
yeah none of it's coming so i can't even
01:13:35
do that
01:13:36
i'm just saying every morning i wake up
01:13:39
right and i go out to the balcony
01:13:41
because from the balcony i can look down
01:13:43
to see like packages yeah
01:13:44
and there's all these gigantic boxes
01:13:46
filled with like ottomans and chairs
01:13:48
that [ __ ] kolila gets
01:13:50
right or lamp fixtures right right and
01:13:52
i'm just looking for that little tiny
01:13:54
jacket you know or you know i mean or
01:13:56
you know i mean the underwear that i
01:13:57
bought
01:13:58
right you know i mean or the socks or
01:13:59
whatever right and it's that they
01:14:01
and they say it's delivering to track
01:14:03
your but i don't know how to do any of
01:14:05
that
01:14:05
right right so i don't know how to track
01:14:07
it i don't know where it is
01:14:08
i mean i have things i bought a [ __ ]
01:14:11
you know that couch a french
01:14:13
italian couch i have right a part of
01:14:15
that deal
01:14:16
i bought these really cool light things
01:14:19
right they're like light fixtures right
01:14:21
and i remember a year ago when i bought
01:14:22
the [ __ ] italian couch i said um
01:14:25
hey you can throw in one of those fancy
01:14:27
light fixtures
01:14:28
no problem buddy yo how many do you want
01:14:31
i go
01:14:31
four great man there's only four left
01:14:34
anyway
01:14:35
and then you know we got the italian
01:14:36
couch and i go clyde where's the lamp
01:14:38
fixtures
01:14:39
she goes it's somewhere in culver city
01:14:41
and something
01:14:43
and i go i guess i'll never get it you
01:14:45
didn't get it you know what i mean this
01:14:46
sound this sounds so i don't have it's
01:14:48
just you're not getting you're
01:14:49
you're not getting things during the
01:14:51
thing
01:14:53
i can't get anything so it's like
01:14:56
the frustration is obvious and i'm so
01:14:58
sensitive i guess because of this
01:14:59
pandemic because of that i think that's
01:15:00
a part of it i'm just so i can't take
01:15:02
any kind of
01:15:03
criticism criticism but that's okay yeah
01:15:05
because we're going to get through it
01:15:06
and it's going to be fine on the other
01:15:08
hand
01:15:08
like i mean i'm just a jumbled
01:15:11
of nerves you need a release
01:15:14
yeah there's nothing you know and you
01:15:16
know that's so rude to me at the house
01:15:17
you know what i mean
01:15:18
that i can feel yeah they're so rude to
01:15:20
me at the house when you say you're king
01:15:22
and she goes i want you're not my king
01:15:23
right
01:15:24
yeah tell me how you're king you know do
01:15:26
i not say that who's the king
01:15:28
and you won't tell me you're the king
01:15:29
unless i threaten you yeah yeah
01:15:31
who is the king
01:15:35
interesting that's what i'm saying
01:15:36
that's interesting yeah and she's not
01:15:37
the king
01:15:38
can i die but it's not i i i i i i i
01:15:42
i
01:15:45
let me i i i i you you you think that
01:15:48
like when i was
01:15:49
first of all you know i mean i'm usually
01:15:51
you know where i go it's okay
01:15:52
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
01:15:53
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
01:15:53
no no no no no no no no no no no you
01:15:53
know what i got i'm so sorry about my
01:15:55
existential
01:15:56
i'm going through look at me look at me
01:15:57
don't be sorry yeah it's a great it's a
01:15:59
honest moment that you're having
01:16:01
yeah honestly this whole podcast i was
01:16:03
just like the whole time thing is what
01:16:04
am i doing here sometimes your mind gets
01:16:06
in those things why what are we saying
01:16:08
yeah you're you're becoming like a
01:16:10
nihilist you know i no i'm not no i'm
01:16:12
not i'm just
01:16:13
i'm literally going why would anyone
01:16:14
want to listen to this too you think
01:16:17
i don't know yeah yeah but they do and i
01:16:19
appreciate it yeah yeah and i i i'm
01:16:21
appreciative i love
01:16:23
when they call in the guy with gigantism
01:16:25
and the dwarves and all the people that
01:16:27
and the lady and everyone calling in and
01:16:28
going get them in i mean we love you
01:16:30
know i mean keep going and they buy the
01:16:32
merch
01:16:33
but you know and they they tag me in it
01:16:35
and they make little videos of me it's
01:16:37
really sweet and i really
01:16:38
appreciate it and i go but deep down i'm
01:16:40
going why do you like it
01:16:42
you know i mean and i'm glad you do i'm
01:16:44
gonna keep doing it because
01:16:46
you know there's nothing else to do do
01:16:48
you like it i love doing it yeah i like
01:16:50
seeing you and i like doing it
01:16:51
yeah there are times where i'm like oh
01:16:54
that's a funny bit or you know i mean
01:16:56
oh that we really you know i mean yeah
01:16:59
we went this way with it
01:17:00
yeah and that was fun right but today
01:17:02
was not it
01:17:03
no today was just like oh that's not it
01:17:06
i'm glad we had i mean a lot of it was
01:17:08
great
01:17:08
yeah right george short
01:17:11
all right hey thank you for being a bad
01:17:14
friend
01:17:20
[Music]
