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hey hey hi hello please please to support our podcast please subscribe and click the bottom
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buttons below hit the subscribe and then notifications so you know when we post but when do we post bob every time we
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post well only once a week what day what day did we post [Music] mondays mondays but click the bottom
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part of subscribe also comment on uh podcast apple podcast join the patreon leave a review
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we're doing this we're doing this because george asked us to is it patreon
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no we don't have a patreon please subscribe do it you two are bad friends who are
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these two idiots you two are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends welcome back to the double black
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play jam i'm here with rudy and bobby lee rudy rudy rudy didn't talk at all last episode yeah you know why
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because you brought in a dog and she had to control the dog who's whining the
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poor pup was whining and crying the whole time i know we have um the whole house right now is um dogs
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animal farm it's an animal farm it's driving me crazy are you [ __ ] parking barking barking
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barking barking how many are you fostering you right now look very mormon your hair
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very christian very religious me i don't like it i really yeah your hair i don't like it
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it looks too you look so like you know uh knock knock knock yeah would you like to hear about
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jehovah can i tell you about jesus christ and i don't like it can i tell you about jesus
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tell me about him he's the savior i know he is let me tell you what he did for
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you what you know what can i say something about that is no one's ever trying to save me
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well you're unsavable why is that i've seen i've walked through malls people look at you
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and they go can't save that guy there's no way to save you you've gotta
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i can't be saved no no no no i wanna be true try they're not gonna i wanna be safe i
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have a soul save me baby look you're saved you've already saved yourself
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no but i i what you went to rehab you already saved yourself no but i just and they can smell that
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strangers look at me like if i'm like one time i was in san antonio yeah and
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there was a man handing out pamphlets and you know little pamphlets yeah you're right and i and i was walking by
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and people were getting pamphlets from him with the lord jesus and i took my hand
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out and he didn't do nothing yeah no pamphlet nego's not gonna help with you
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why i don't know that's like the guys in vegas the mexican guys that hit the
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hooker cards you know i never get them from them they don't they think i'm not or like star maps of
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people oh yeah the star maps people they never try to get me a map do you know how fun
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this would be if me and you pretended to know star man we should do a fake star maps
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when when when pandy's over yeah and take people to houses that aren't real
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can i say something why would i care where marlon brando lives dude you're you you've lived in southern
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california your whole life right and then you [ __ ] european goon shut your [ __ ] mouth what did he say the
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cemetery i don't know the cemetery he's dead marlon brandon he's not dead oh that's
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not he's not dead he's not dead yeah one of the greatest actors of our generation you know who i found out
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i was watching coming to america tonight with the part two part one oh no the original but it some
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of the jokes are so bad you're like some of this is not funny it's so funny
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because some of it's really funny yeah and some of it's just not funny sexual chocolate's funny hilarious
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sexual chocolate but then when they go looking for girls at the beginning oh yeah it's not funny
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it's not funny you're just like and because the one girl's like lighting her hand on fire and she's like
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uh you know i'm possessed by the devil yeah and they're like next and you're
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like what it was some of it's not some of it when eddie's doing the characters it's the best the whole movie
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should have been him interacting with himself all the time right like every stranger should have
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been an eddie murphy character it's also funny that movie there's one guy that didn't have a very
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big scene and at the time he didn't know that he'd be a bigger star than all of them arsenio hall
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no no who samuel jackson isn't that's crazy isn't that crazy yeah that is
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because because he played the crack addict in there he's a crackhead yeah yeah at the
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mcdonald's or something mcdonald's mcdowell's right yeah he goes crazy right yes
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and he probably at the time right god damn i got [ __ ] again 12 lines again again right and
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then all of a sudden like he owns the world well it's the same thing with uh that
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chris rock in the in that movie um oh that was great when he put the crack at him yeah why can't i think about what
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movie was that he was pretty good in that when he goes i got changed for 100 yeah that was
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really good yeah his lips were all i remember watching him called ashley and cracked out yeah because the guy goes uh
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how much for how just how much would just one rehab yeah yeah yeah and he goes got changed
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he's like what up you grew up watching black films huh yeah yeah yeah anyway no i was gonna say i was watching
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i was watching watching the movie and james earl jones you know who plays his father yeah king kufi kanan whatever
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his name is i was like is he still alive and i bet my old lady cash do you think he's still alive or
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not yes or no oh he's still alive well you're taking i'm not going to say
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i'm not going to tell you until everybody answers it so what what part is it again adam
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wasn't listening what i was always saying is james earl john we made a better fame james was still
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alive james earl jones is alive so you you think so or you know so to me he is okay do you think he's still
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alive or he's dead he doesn't know who he is i know that's the best part
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um he's dead okay great what do you think george dad what do you think andres he's alive
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he is alive i know he's alive andres get off your phone he's do you know why i know he's
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alive because you just worked with him recently no that's not what yes i would never
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work with him really yeah you would never work with jesus they would never put me in anything with
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him and that's the right way to say it that's what i wanted to say yeah you said it came out
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weird it came out weird you said i would know but i'm such a huge james earl jones you
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know what else a movie he was in that no no no one's not you're even aware of well he's the voice of lion
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king he's the voice of the father and i understand that he's also darth vader
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yes yeah of course everybody knows that he's another thing that he was that people don't know what he was in the
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movie um doctor strangelove as what he was in the um airplane in the beginning of the movie
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like he was one of like the pilots you know he was one of the guys in the pilot yeah
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he was yeah he's a yeah here's another thing i have to try another thing that um people don't know
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huh go ahead keep talking people don't realize that laura's finished lauren's
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finished burn i think people do know that i think people do know that no james earl jones yeah and dr strangelove
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wow well it came up so fast oh right no don't go right all of a sudden i don't know where
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right i said he was the i said the pilot look at this look at this guy this is brick glass but a better rick last man
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yeah here we go hold on music we probably can't huh one of the funniest movies ever made i think
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dr strangelove yeah i laughed so hard on this movie look at how bad that plane uh
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cgi is he'll come up in a second which one is he he's not the white guy obviously you
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[ __ ] what do you mean he's not white i'm i'm flying one line you there is there he is there he is that
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was it that was him so now he was a pilot i said he was one of the little he is in the movie
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yeah and i still watching it you know it went there's james earl jones he's so talented he's everything he and
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yes of course i watch black films did you watch all the black films when you were working
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what he sounds like when when you're making love when he comes oh what if when he comes he goes yeah he
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gets real high [Music] you think he says that i don't know when he shoots anyway look i watched i watched curl
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coming to america yoda coming would be weird what would he say i don't i don't know
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you will be i don't know what he would say but am i just yeah but he he came i just yeah but i think um
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his calm would be like a little piece of sea would would come out if i feel like i feel like a little him
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comes out of his penis like a little another a little baby yoda yeah like a little yoda comes out it's
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like more liquid form yeah it's more goopy yeah right almost bodyless but you
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could see the little boneless boneless yeah oh boneless my boneless yoda am i bad you're boneless yeah it's late
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and i i sometimes it's okay i'm saying do you like boneless wings or do you
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like uh bone-in wings when you eat chicken wings yeah i don't i don't like the bone the reason why i
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don't like bone is because um i don't eat i don't eat it right and kalila and this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]
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right here hey hey be nice it's a new year what'd i get you for christmas
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the cave um the rug anime rug yeah we heard the rug yeah i got your rug anyway um whenever i eat
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bone the bone right bone wings wings with bone well anything with bone like a boxing bone
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yeah your your white privilege the way you eat that what does that even mean because i don't
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eat like the cartilage and you know what i mean you eat right like a white part you know what i mean crunch on the
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[ __ ] i'm on your ligament i don't need to eat that that's like nice meat parts you [ __ ] animal yeah
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you animals savage yeah you're not you know it's like when we eat fish with my mom
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she eats the brain and the eyes and wow yeah i just eat the body like the body yeah but they do say the
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other stuff has the most protein in it good call dude you know you eat all of it don't you
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yeah savage savage savage yeah they eat um and it's like this animal right here i
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cuz every night i order um postmates no i know it's sometimes i go to good places or sometimes grubhub
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all the time yeah it was a joke guys so what you no you order food every night right so i'll go to like um i'll go you
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know what tonight i'll go to morton's something like that is that how often do
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you get morton every other week maybe would you like steak cold it's not that it's just the idea that i
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can money-wise i just do yeah yeah yeah you flex a little yeah on who on kalila and rudy oh you
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know yeah does she ever pay for delivery no but i'll always go what do you want she'll go i she goes
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don't worry about it i'll eat my own you'll eat your own wife and i'll go
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what do you eat leftovers we have leftover food like something like we'll get like
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two months ago some vietnamese guy will randomly come over who's this guy all right get this guy
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that's a goliath's friend he's white he's white yeah you think he's
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vietnamese yeah he'll come over and go hey he'll go and give us this is a
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restaurant by my house i bought you food and i'll take two bites just to be courteous right yeah and then i'll just
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put it in the fridge and then she'll eat it two months later like an animal not two months how long two weeks
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two weeks is fine i think it's two weeks dude i think food in the fridge can last
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a couple of weeks what kind of meat it's cooked right yeah it's like no not two weeks what kind of food is
00:11:09
there too what food is it anything like she'll eat anything that's like yeah
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they survived dude but they're surviving her good food like anything you know what i mean she
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wants and she's like no i don't want it and then like yesterday i asked her she
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got i don't want to i got my and then lately then i come downstairs and she's like
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in the corner you know she eats like in a corner for some reason covered up she just has this like hunchy
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thing she's a punchy thing right and she you know and she also sits on the chair like
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this does she really yeah like a gargoyle she's like a gargoyle and she sits there like that and she so
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when you walk in the room her back's turned it's always dim light dude you're a
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horror movie yeah yeah it's like a diplomat right right a horror movie she's
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eating something like what the [ __ ] is she eating right and i go what are you eating she goes
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i got mcdonald's i go but i an hour ago you know i mean i was going to order you better
00:12:01
something better yeah no she got my chocolate she better on her own i don't think you'd like
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taking things from me like you think that i'm gonna like hold it over you for
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some reason no if i'm gonna order food for myself i don't i would like to
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i'll order for everybody yeah right don't be like a [ __ ] gargoyle i'm not what did you get from
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mcdonald's a fried chicken burger ice cream and nuggets a fried chicken bur you mean a chicken
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sandwich yeah she's in school a frog so you get a fried chicken sandwich nuggets
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and ice cream what kind of ice cream the chocolate sundae chocolate sauce wow they're pretty good
00:12:43
no they're so good i know mcdonald's though the breakfast i can't give it up the wendy's was it the freeze
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what what that freezer oh the oh the frosty forget about it [ __ ] me i'll eat
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it right now suck it suck it right now suck it right now do you hear 101 cafe close down
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permanently forever never coming back good that you know what's so funny everyone was being like sweet online
00:13:06
like oh man i used to go hang out there all the time i mean we would go after shows yeah but
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like i was also like it was the most expensive diner i ever went to it was like nine bucks for eggs
00:13:15
no but you know what you're right i have good memories there yeah there's some
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memories that i had so that's where i'm at david cho really yeah i i was sitting there he was a cook there
00:13:24
huh david cho was cooking at one-on-one cafe that's david chang you're thinking same guy no
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david chang is the [ __ ] chef david chose the artist the artists are chefs i know but did you get them confused
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yeah yeah yeah i just don't pay attention to asians and also asian and artists that's an oxymoron
00:13:44
multi-million dollar um artist there's a lot of asians that are multi-millionaires david cho
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street artist oh i do know who this is yeah you do no yeah i do know that okay anyway but i like david chang
00:13:54
david cho i was i see this guy and he's dressed like a um i i a warlock and it's not halloween
00:14:02
he's literally dressed like a warlock walking down in the 101 cafe late at night and and you could i can
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tell when they're korean well you guys can smell each other right isn't there like a there's got to be
00:14:14
something that gives you an of everything you say no no i mean like you guys internally like i know when
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there's another like you think i smell like lychee fruit um no you have an internal thing but you have
00:14:25
this pudgy kind of face that i yeah the look that i like yeah i mean so i go and he sat next to me just sat right oh
00:14:32
you were up at the singles yeah you know i'm the artist you got david shaw oh yeah yeah and he goes
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you're comedian right yeah and then i then he goes i have a podcast with asa
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akira the porn star porn star yeah and so kalaila and i did it and that's how we
00:14:45
started tiger belly that was the beginning yeah because we we were a regular on david cho's podcast
00:14:51
and then it was called dvd asa and they um they one day just decided not to do it anymore
00:14:58
and then mean clown let's just start our own how long did yeah you grabbed a little bit of their audience because
00:15:03
well that makes sense because it was a korean and a porn star and you're a korean and
00:15:06
collab is a porn star i understand that that transition makes sense you picked up where they left off when you attack
00:15:11
my my family shut up don't roll your eyes and the way you roll your eyes is so
00:15:15
[ __ ] it's so like um 80s drama you i can't even do what you do you roll
00:15:21
both of them up and you i can't even do it it's like you know your eyes don't go
00:15:25
that way your eyes don't go up there no it's just dumb this is why it's so obvious this is
00:15:30
my privilege yeah i hate it i hate it um that's wild that david showed a podcast
00:15:35
how long did they do it for he did a lot why asakira i wonder because they're
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friends did she still do porn she's some i think but she has a kid now and she lives in a
00:15:48
different state you know there was a comic that dated a porn star i don't want to say her name
00:15:55
um and she stopped doing porn for a long time and i just saw online you know in your twitter's like
00:16:01
suggestions of people that you're friends with that front yeah and i suggested her again and she's doing porn
00:16:05
again i really am always interested in why they go back because once you quit don't
00:16:09
you think you've got to get out like that's kind of like you don't go
00:16:12
back into the arena i feel like once you're done you're done yeah once you quit porn it'd be hard to
00:16:17
be like i'm gonna come back there was a comic named thomas award thomas ward i don't know
00:16:21
i never knew him this is before your time yeah and i did open mics with thomas right and then um you know he he looked
00:16:28
just like bill cosby in fact yeah he did um some parody bill cosby porn you know how they say you know what i
00:16:37
mean yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like he played cosby yeah and so i was like yeah yeah so i'd
00:16:42
be at the porn star and i would see him on the cover of this parody porn bill cosby thing
00:16:48
and in my head right i'm like oh he's just doing comedy like he's doing an
00:16:52
impression in the porno do you think he's like a comedian not in porn no he's
00:16:57
playing bill cosby in a porn where everyone else is [ __ ] him oh you think he's not happy he's not you know i
00:17:02
mean in it he's a comic no he's like he's in it yeah he's in it and um i remember going
00:17:09
he's pretty good he was good huh yeah i remember going oh you know because sometimes you dread
00:17:13
it yeah even if i see like a comic in a movie or tv show that didn't think it was an actor
00:17:20
and i get relieved like oh they're pretty good like nick yous i was on a show called animal practice
00:17:26
and um with the monkey with the monkey and nick and nick youssef got a part in it oh he could help him
00:17:31
with the audition or whatever okay but he i couldn't believe they hired him like i remember the cast return going
00:17:37
oh yeah we heard of that guy nick what do what do you mean because he did a bad i don't know i don't know i never knew
00:17:41
him as an actor i just knew him as a comic right oh yeah so i remember being on set
00:17:45
right and i know he was his scene was after the one of the scenes i was in it's like i'll decide to stay and i was
00:17:51
behind the monitor right and as soon as he opened his mouth i just left why because i'm like oh he knows what
00:17:58
he's doing oh right you were worried at first i was worried at first but he knew
00:18:01
what he was doing and i was like all right did you think it was going to reflect badly on you no
00:18:06
because you didn't get him the role i i did give i'm going to name his name because he hates
00:18:10
me but i did get one guy so there's one guy that asked me please say his name i can't please there's a
00:18:15
war and he wants to murder me all right we'll look at me right now say it and
00:18:18
we'll bleep it out go [Laughter] okay you know him yeah what do you do what do you what'd you do
00:18:26
for the why he's mad at me yeah no i don't want to get i don't want to redo
00:18:30
that all right well go ahead well then talk about it again don't do it don't roll
00:18:32
your eyes again your 80s [ __ ] that's my white privilege yeah see you on the slopes
00:18:37
chang really good thanks so um i go i was on mad tv and i go um you know be great for this part someone
00:18:48
saw i said to the casting director the guy yeah and she goes yeah i don't know him i'll
00:18:53
i'll call him he'll come in and i go i'll sit in the room with him i was like when he's auditioning i'll
00:18:59
just be in the room right so um i sit next to uh the casting director and where's he up you have a piece of
00:19:07
paper yeah so like i'm sitting there he comes in as soon as he walks in i went in my mind i'm like uh oh
00:19:14
why because of his vibe no he was just just devastating nervousness oh he was obviously yeah
00:19:21
yeah like he was like his face was going he was so nervous right and i was just like
00:19:30
i was just like holy [ __ ] right why were you in there because he was my friend i would see it when
00:19:37
someone see him on this see that's where the casting writer should have made you
00:19:40
leave i know i shouldn't have been there no that's nice i regret it i regret it i'll
00:19:44
go comfortable yeah yeah i didn't anyway so i go all right well let's i just wanted
00:19:50
to get her over with all right so just go right and he picks up the script like this right the sides right
00:19:55
always be off book by the way yeah yeah i always have it but i have memorized sure
00:19:59
and he does this he's so nervous he's so nervous is the thing is going like this right you can
00:20:06
hear it yeah yeah and or i mean normally like a cathedral would be like okay thank you right or you want to go
00:20:13
out and prepare or or something right they would say i just want keep going let's do it let's finish
00:20:19
right let's finish it just want to get rid of him and it just got worse and worse
00:20:22
and worse and he couldn't get a word out right and we were up there probably 45 minutes because i wanted to
00:20:28
get something on tape wait so you kept trying yeah we kept trying and he's just sweating
00:20:34
you know what i mean and just shaking can we call him no no he hates me and then i and then i called
00:20:40
him and then i told him i think i go i'm such a piece of [ __ ] i go you did pretty we're gonna go but i said
00:20:49
i said we're gonna go with it in a different direction right but you almost got it dude so mean
00:20:58
yeah yeah that's so good really yeah yeah it was just it was you yeah it's just that yeah because we know
00:21:05
the other actress in it and i just you know i don't think the chemistry's right but
00:21:09
it's not you personally yeah it was just no you know what is the va it was just
00:21:13
yeah didn't work this time better help oh god golly gee mighty all me hey is something
00:21:19
interfering with your happiness bob because because there was let me tell you something right now man the pandemic
00:21:24
oh golly golly gosh got me down they got me down and you know what saved my life
00:21:28
better help yeah you start communicating in under 48 hours it's great it's not a
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question it really has helped me it saved my life i love my therapist through their um
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um you could start communicating under 48 hours as you said they did and um but it's not a crisis
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line i don't know if you know that i did say that it's not self-help either
00:21:45
no yeah it's professional counseling done securely on the line it's a broad range of expertise and uh
00:21:50
all jokes aside bob and i both use this we both highly recommend it i think therapy is extremely important for
00:21:55
everybody to use we could all use some some of us me could use more than others uh
00:21:59
they're committed to facilitating great they're not you obviously they match you
00:22:02
up with the right person yeah it's great yeah and and by the way it's a lot cheaper i've gone to multiple
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different very varying levels of therapy it's significantly more affordable than
00:22:12
the traditional version right the other one is a little pricey for my book yeah they want to start they
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off first month betterhelp.com bad friends liquidity hey guess what what seasons are changing
00:22:54
yeah the leaves are falling and uh we all uh we all need to make adjustments in our lives you know what i don't know
00:23:00
about that i al all i know is is that um i love liquid iv yeah it's good because i love the taste
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00:23:09
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helped me so you like you like to sleep you like the sleep liquid iv because it does uh
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get you calmed down at night it sure does i like the immunity booster i want all the vitaveta vegements uh the
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okay go ahead guava yes watermelon yes and my favorite apple pie i was gonna say it oh okay say
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really good uh they come in these great little packs it's convenient i love the packs yeah
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they're you can stick them in your pocket yeah uh and you can do it on the go they
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00:25:01
friends i can't i can't say this guy's name because here we go he's a friend he's a friend
00:25:06
he listens to this show he's a friend yeah and uh he was auditioning for a movie
00:25:12
uh that a friend of ours was making and it was in one of those you ever go into those audition rooms or those it's
00:25:18
like a it's like a commercial office and it's a ton of rooms it's like seven
00:25:21
rooms and there's they're auditioning in like all of them right and most of the time they're closed off
00:25:26
in their wallet well this had it was glass it was like it's like an office you could see right into it
00:25:31
and he's sitting there he he does the audition and he kills he's so [ __ ]
00:25:34
funny he's a super funny dude yeah and then he gets up and he's like all
00:25:38
right well thank you like he was so confident he was so stoked that he killed he's like thank you and
00:25:41
they were like thank you he's like take it easy and didn't turn and right into the glass
00:25:47
in front of everybody just smashes his face yeah yeah and then he's like well up up
00:25:53
up up that was that would have but it was like a it was like a oh my god are you okay like it was like
00:26:00
i would have to i would have been like i would have died if i did that he laughed okay good no but i mean they
00:26:06
were concerned he hit it so hard right he's also a big guy so it wasn't like boom it was like
00:26:11
i mean he shook the [ __ ] glass yeah so they were like oh dude are you okay yeah his face is a pure red from hitting
00:26:18
the window and any and you know what the worst part was he didn't he didn't get in the movie
00:26:22
he didn't get it no it was it was just because they didn't it didn't work out
00:26:25
but he deserved to be in there yeah he deserved to get be in it it just it wasn't they weren't
00:26:29
going to happen have you ever walked into like the lobby of an audition and and thought oh i should just leave i mean
00:26:37
almost every time i've done it no but you see who's in the room yeah i'll give you one yeah i'm not
00:26:41
gonna name the casting director because she's famous and i've i i've gone for her like one time and
00:26:47
i'm talking like i'm going up against like actual famous people like very
00:26:50
famous people i have literally no chance shia labeouf is there oh yeah why am i there yeah yeah why literally why am i
00:26:56
there yeah yeah i see shia labeouf outside smoking reading lines in the patio area yeah if you know what
00:27:02
i'm talking about you know and i have to go up a couple of stairs i'm nervous seeing shia labeouf
00:27:08
is this place though in um let me just ask you this just a little bit is it in santa monica area or is it in
00:27:14
in echo park no santa monica i know it is yeah yeah south place is a nightmare so i
00:27:19
have to go up the stairs at least it's a nightmare it is and you you can see through the stairs
00:27:22
you know stairs that happened i hate that place and i'm walking up the stairs and i see
00:27:26
shiloh and i'm kind of staring at him smoking yeah yeah the door is opening someone's leaving
00:27:30
i trip on the top stairs i'm not kidding i trip on the top stair yeah and in my
00:27:35
mind i'm like go back to your car go back to your car go back to your car i was like just leave yeah i just leave
00:27:38
i want i do i was so and they all saw me yeah he looked up he was smoking looked
00:27:43
up like oh is that is that idiot red-headed guy okay yeah and everyone looked out there oh my god
00:27:48
and i sat there like just i mean you know what dripping with sweat because you're just
00:27:53
i'm so embarrassed i those feelings of i should have just gone and you know what
00:27:56
i should have gone home yeah of course i didn't get it yeah of course why was i there
00:28:01
yeah you know wendy o'brien i love wendy o'brien one of the best she's like in the business you know
00:28:06
she's put me in almost everything i've done i've already she put me in davey
00:28:09
yeah i've auditioned 50 things for her yeah not one thing i've ever she's told me that not one thing she
00:28:15
told me that but she's the one person where i went i'm not gonna get it right
00:28:20
i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna kill it and i'm not gonna get it but i will go because she's so nice
00:28:26
because she's one of those people that she'll bring you in yeah because you deserve to be there
00:28:30
yeah but it's not her final call the casting directors don't have the final
00:28:33
call i understand that bro i'm not gonna get it i i i ask klyla yeah every time i get
00:28:39
one from her yeah we get you you have to drive what on santa monica boulevard yeah
00:28:43
off what yeah well now she's uh kind of industrial in india yeah it's in a industrial park
00:28:49
right so whenever i park there and i go there were times where i've walked out
00:28:52
of there and asked kalella i said i think i got it from wendy yeah didn't happen that
00:28:57
never happened let's give her a call no don't call her i'm gonna call her
00:29:00
right now please don't i like her so much i don't do a door right now it's
00:29:03
late hello wendy yeah wendy it's it's it's santino as you know you're on
00:29:09
you're look you're on my podcast and bobby wants just wants to ask you something
00:29:13
oh hi bobby hi wendy how are you all i did i was just watching harold and kumar's christmas
00:29:19
oh my god residuals residuals for me for you in your pocket uh we were just saying that you're like
00:29:24
one of the best casting directors in la and that we just love coming to see you that's all
00:29:27
and what no what else did you say wendy he needs to tell you something honestly what
00:29:31
what did i say he's a little upset that after all these years that he comes out to see you and then he
00:29:37
can't book with you what is that no it's just that true i have a picture of you with boobies
00:29:43
dream corp you had nice and i said oh yeah i dreamed i was in so you did book with
00:29:48
her yes i did so you lied you lied to our fans okay oh can i just say this though yeah all right
00:29:54
um number one i didn't know that you're going to call one day i know that's why
00:29:57
i'm pushing yeah you are i'm partly kind of because i love you so much i'm
00:30:01
probably angry at you good good good i'm like rageful almost right yeah but also in paris
00:30:05
right yep and so um right now i'm going to say thank you so much for dreamcore
00:30:09
uh wendy wendy i will read for you as many times as you want me to i love your [ __ ] i love you so much you know
00:30:16
i love you and um wendy what he said was we but we talked about you and he said how much he really enjoyed you
00:30:22
and he was like i love her i'll read for her no matter what that true truthfully
00:30:25
that's what that's what he said he said no matter what i go and i said she's my favorite
00:30:28
and i said well why don't we give her a call and you can tell her how you feel
00:30:32
i love it i literally was just like watching you it was last night two nights ago it came on i'd
00:30:37
never seen any of the heralding kimonos before but uh there you were and i only stayed
00:30:42
watching it because it's a scene with you in the office and then see thank you and i was like what's so
00:30:48
good you look so good in the face you look so good you're so good see you thank you thank
00:30:53
you so much wendy and i got to tell you something um wendy is uh when he's going to be casting
00:30:59
something huge and she said they need asians for it so i think you might be in it wendy i'll let you go
00:31:06
we love you i love you very much number one [Laughter] take the jacket off it's getting warm in
00:31:16
here anyway honestly honest honestly no let me finish she loves you but tell the story honestly no i'm not
00:31:24
going to tell the story honestly i want to say this [Laughter] honestly honestly honestly okay um
00:31:32
rudy what's been going on with you lately i'm fine you're fine because you're acting a
00:31:36
little bit weird you've been coming here acting really weird huh yeah your vibe is strange no
00:31:42
i'm doing good you're doing very good yeah all right we're going to catch up
00:31:45
with you in a second hold on bob you ready yeah say what you need to say go ahead
00:31:50
um so and i'm going to just be completely truthful with you yeah remember that guy that you were
00:31:57
that you said you were going to go on a date with yeah what happened with that i ignored
00:32:02
him smart smart girl all right bob go ahead go ahead papa you you uh honestly please don't do that again
00:32:15
talk to rudy yeah why she's my face because i was literally in a rage i know i'm calming you down i was in a
00:32:20
rage no no and that's not helping you trying to be me this year this year that was
00:32:26
putting more fuel on the fire i got it and i almost snapped relax but don't do that again relax
00:32:32
so tell go ahead get it out but don't do that again oh as someone who's been doing comedy
00:32:39
for 30 years do not do that again when you say don't what am i supposed to do if you do it
00:32:44
again in comedy this long when you say don't do it again if you do it again yeah i'm
00:32:48
gonna leave yeah okay and then you'll have to roll your eyes again yeah all right okay
00:32:59
piece of [ __ ] garbage say it could you bro you dude this is good you're not
00:33:05
true you're me this year and i'm using what you broke my stomach is bubbling so
00:33:10
i don't give a [ __ ] because i have bubble guts today yeah yeah let me say something
00:33:14
you are on my last [ __ ] nerve right now it's just [ __ ] driving me crazy with your [ __ ] attitude man
00:33:24
yeah right you know i've dealt with your [ __ ] for a [ __ ] year no you [ __ ]
00:33:28
everything you do i'm [ __ ] pure and simple dude good guy okay i'm pure and simple a
00:33:34
good guy what had happened today that you got in such a bad way it doesn't matter you know when people
00:33:38
wake up and it's just a [ __ ] bad day your life is great what i know it is someone had a bad day
00:33:43
tell me what happened right but what i'm just saying is is that i get in the car
00:33:47
i drive here oh first of all our food comes at seven [ __ ] 50 right because it's two hours late right
00:33:54
it's cold because it's outside you know i mean all my [ __ ] soggy let me
00:33:58
don't keep that face wipe that face off your face man keep that face up keep that face on your
00:34:03
jewels go down and get it it doesn't come up for another 20 minutes and then so then it's now seven
00:34:07
she's rolled her eyes 750 i'm like if we don't get in the car right now andrew's
00:34:11
gonna be mad at me because we're [ __ ] late let me see you roll your eyes oh it's
00:34:14
bad do it try it yeah there we go yeah that was good so um we're late right you're yeah you're
00:34:20
saying i'm going to be late we're going to be late so i couldn't really even eat
00:34:23
the food because i was already getting late what about ordering the food earlier
00:34:26
we did we ordered it at six your food didn't get there for an hour because from the other side of town it
00:34:32
was a lot big order right came back soggy oh my god and so then i um get in the car i come here
00:34:39
and i'm like i was doing like you know just you know just be mindful of andrew and be nice
00:34:45
and yeah and then um i come in here and the raging that is still there but then it's like you
00:34:52
with your it started with your eyes rolling back in the back of your head that that was like [ __ ] you know
00:35:00
nagging me yeah it was yeah it was just like here's how good of a day you had you
00:35:04
woke up late in the day you sat around and played video games then you ordered food never played video games one time
00:35:09
not today nope wow that's why you're pissed off and that's not why why are you mad then
00:35:14
what could have happened today wait what you know remember the the time that you got all dizzy and you [ __ ]
00:35:19
hit your head on the thing remember that [ __ ] move that you did oh what can't [ __ ] you know i mean
00:35:25
like did i give a [ __ ] about that yeah you did i know but my point is no that is the
00:35:30
point i know but the point is is that we have weird days where we no that wasn't a weird [ __ ] and we go oh
00:35:35
i'm dizzy we hit our head on the [ __ ] thing so did you hit your head on no i'm just saying we just had
00:35:40
you know so today was something the catalyst today was my dizzy head day yeah but had a catalyst
00:35:45
something was a catalyst no that was a catalyst we i i you know because when you say i had a bad day we
00:35:50
were watching a i woke up and she was watching some it wasn't love island but with some sort of mtv show
00:35:57
where a bunch of [ __ ] reality kids are in an island and hawaii no just listen right and
00:36:04
they're like trying to match up with it with each other love island it's not love island it's american oh it
00:36:09
was that type of and then you know and i was watching it i did watch five episodes of it oh that
00:36:16
made you mad i don't know i was just watching it and i was just kind of go i
00:36:18
didn't know because it wasn't the first episode it was like i saw episode four
00:36:23
on right so i don't know who's with what and i don't know why this show is on
00:36:27
i don't know why there's interest right and i just see a bunch of young good-looking people yeah you mean
00:36:34
go you're going you know i don't know if johnny likes me but i'm gonna [ __ ] his friend billy you
00:36:38
know i mean and then billy's just like yeah yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] savannah but you know
00:36:42
what dude it's like i don't really like her you know margo's my girl yeah yeah and it's like all of
00:36:47
this going on and i'm watching epis just hours of it right and inside i'm like i want to
00:36:54
kill everyone on this island but you couldn't stop watching it i couldn't stop watching it and then it
00:36:59
it was like in my early twenties i would never you know who would be asked to be on that
00:37:04
show and you were as a comic theo vaughn he was on real world i know we can't
00:37:09
mention that he hates it it'll snap we cannot bring that up why he's not here
00:37:14
oh yeah yeah one time he told me he goes yo man don't talk about it we'll
00:37:20
talk about that again well because you said it on a podcast no i brought it over that way
00:37:24
oh you brought him on stage oh right i think you've told me the story he got
00:37:28
pissed off the road rules yeah and he just didn't like it right so um but dude everyone has a terrible
00:37:33
thing in their past that they you know so what i know you think most of the things i did
00:37:38
on mad tv i'm embarrassed about sometimes people used to bring me up to punk
00:37:41
like last year i was like what it was a decade ago club still brego from mad tv it's like i
00:37:47
did that [ __ ] 12 15 years ago do you think some kids don't know what that is do you think
00:37:51
like i know i don't want them to know you really don't want but you i don't it's you know
00:37:55
see it's something you should be proud of because you were good on it no it's not that listen i'm i was on a
00:38:00
show for eight years they're like a family to me and and it was my first you know television experience it was
00:38:06
cool but you want to move forward no it's just and also it's like i didn't um
00:38:10
i never really i couldn't like ride that wave it wasn't a wave you could ride yeah you
00:38:17
know some people get like you know a big thing and they can ride it into something else
00:38:22
i couldn't i almost had to go back on the beach get a new board and then swim back out yeah but but it's
00:38:28
also because you're not your priority was always like being funny and not mark
00:38:32
marketing is not you don't do that thing i don't know how to do that no it's not
00:38:37
i'm just kind of just i'm not great at it either it's right so i'm just using
00:38:40
um i'm i you know bobby lee is the is my franchise you know selling this i mean you it's what it's
00:38:48
selling like hot cakes right i'm just this is what i'm selling so my point is i was watching this [ __ ]
00:38:53
a bunch of [ __ ] hot people black and mexican you know i mean and they get to go do
00:39:01
free they do free [ __ ] right they drink and they [ __ ] and they party they get free [ __ ] and in my 20s
00:39:08
i had to pay for it grovel right right i was never invited to the park so this is
00:39:13
just jealousy and i watched hours of it and i think maybe that's what it is yeah yeah
00:39:18
i do agree with you i think it's because it's like her food and nobody listens to
00:39:21
me go get the food and you know look at her face look at her face you mean i get you a rug and i bring you a big
00:39:29
dog let everybody see your cool shirt your uh your hunter hunter shirt who gave you that
00:39:35
bobby interesting very interesting that's a very interesting fact actually very
00:39:42
interesting what did you say when he gave it to you i said thank you i really love it did
00:39:46
you give him a big hug a little hug you don't like hugs from her do you no i do like hugs
00:39:51
let me ask you this jules when i when i sometimes i'll go hug and what do you say no hmm no because he
00:40:02
chokes me oh what that's that makes perfect sense choked you before in your life no i
00:40:07
think we're figuring something out here i've choked you yeah when when did i
00:40:11
choke you last week last week i put my hands around your neck and i choked you you could choke from
00:40:17
the side you don't need to die yes that's a hug choke hug choke look at the way you're
00:40:22
doing it that's a choke yeah but you this is not right stop pause pause look at your
00:40:26
body figure your head's here this is a choke form this is your head is right
00:40:30
here and i'm hugging her head is here yeah her little head right here i don't know
00:40:34
her head her head's here and i'm hug like that strong hug i love you choke yeah yeah so it hurts
00:40:41
is what she's saying when you hug her doesn't hurt she's a delicious little
00:40:44
girl what i do to her mom i beat the [ __ ] out of her mom i fart in her mom's
00:40:50
face when she's sleeping i don't give a [ __ ] why do you do that to her mom
00:40:53
[ __ ] honey that's his mom her mom i know yeah yeah i have a video on my instagram where
00:40:59
she's sleeping on her mom right is sleeping on my couch at my hotel room right now and you fart on her i take out
00:41:06
the hole that's so from the tap right and i [ __ ] you know unload one on her you're so reverse
00:41:14
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00:42:46
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00:42:52
gee kelly gosh do you just use ship stuff online you know it's like you know we without
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ship station we wouldn't get any of our merchandise out nobody would get any we you we love this
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company so much yeah they're phenomenal they're the number one company in the
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we use it they are great it's so easy and they work with who who do they no matter what you're selling andrew yeah
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or amazon etsy or your own website shipstation brings all your orders into one simple interface yeah making
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them really easy to manage from the device even from your cell phone that's right
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they work with all the major carriers who are they bob who do they work with they work with um usps yeah let me read
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it usps man fedex ups so you can compare and choose the best shipping solution for you and
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00:44:24
happen i [ __ ] um i decide because i'm a good guy i decide you know what i'll take some of these [ __ ]
00:44:33
people you know i mean i want to take them to the greatest place in the world where is that disneyland
00:44:45
texas disneyland oh yeah right so you bring these you know immobiles to disneyland right
00:44:52
right you buy the little mickey mouse here so that is that zamasu yeah yeah yeah yeah you put
00:44:57
the ears yeah right you give them that what's that flag the wand oh you feed them you feed it you feed
00:45:12
them yeah you feed them you throw what you're throwing at them you're right you
00:45:15
don't give it your mom catch you with your mouth so then you know we're going and go hey
00:45:20
so let's go on space mountain no what right the immigrants didn't want to go on space mountain we don't do
00:45:27
yes you do do you do do you do do when i bring you yeah you do then we go to another ride no scary we
00:45:34
don't do tower terror didn't want to do it oh that one so now that's called what the
00:45:38
guardian's a galaxy yeah yeah right yeah it's called gardens and galaxy now they made
00:45:43
it scarier that wait tower terror is gone yeah one of my favorite rides they made it scary it's now gardens of
00:45:49
the galaxy guardians of the galaxy it's scarier really yeah it's so [ __ ]
00:45:53
scary do people still die i don't get a little night no wow they just sat on the bench and
00:45:58
watched us ride how rude is that why i did most of the rides you did guardian against the galaxy only
00:46:05
guardians of the galaxy why didn't you do it yeah what four i was really scared
00:46:10
oh grow up really scared what could happen disney's a major corporation you think they're going to let you die or
00:46:15
get hurt on that ride no but that's right just take the hit so i i told them i go i do think people
00:46:22
die once at least once a year on those things yeah but the odds yeah yeah yeah it's not going to happen
00:46:27
but you know where i want to take them now next time they're in town that's
00:46:30
barry farm no magic mountain oh yeah six flags but they'll never go on any of that
00:46:35
no i said no that you said you would i would yeah you know you won't no those are way
00:46:41
scarier disneyland those are way bigger those things when you look at those things
00:46:45
you're like can i do it you know where you you're in line you're like what am i doing
00:46:49
yeah yeah that's how scary they are no they're freak you don't know how to get it you got to
00:46:54
put your ankles in a like little metal thing and you think well this thing works well listen
00:46:59
and they lock you in but then also you start by flipping over sometimes yeah you're forwarding yeah they go
00:47:03
right so we're starting freaking we all gotta go wait don't make her what's that face what's that face
00:47:11
i'm scared no you gotta go you again how many people die a year no i'm afraid
00:47:17
i'm gonna pee on my pants oh seriously yeah in your pants or on she takes her pants off and just pees on
00:47:24
them approximately four deaths annually in the united states associated with roller
00:47:29
coasters although traumatic injuries resulting in the death of roller coasters patron tend
00:47:32
to receive the most deaths that's too much for my [ __ ] blood i think four that's not that many people how many
00:47:37
rides are there though 20. this is well this is only in the united states okay how many more deaths how many
00:47:44
people a year die how many people die a year at disneyland yeah because there's got to be some a
00:47:51
list of instance reports oh man there's a whole list there's a lot like what well this is uh
00:47:58
negligence part of the guest part of the park wow well let's see recently on july 6
00:48:04
2019 a fight broke out at mickey's toontown after reports that a woman had spit into a man's face the
00:48:11
four people and their families were escorted off the property and charges were considered like the tower of terror
00:48:15
incident it was filmed on camera phone uploaded youtube what happened to tower of terror
00:48:20
look at that 2019 was the last time there was an altercation construction accident this year 38 year
00:48:25
old construction worker was fatally injured when a steel plate fell on him while working in a trench oh
00:48:30
my god they tried to perform cpr but he died wow that's so sad that's a sad thing
00:48:37
that happened to that guy but again you know you lose some you lose some i guess
00:48:44
parking structures look at how many parking lot structures in mickey's toontown
00:48:48
what could provoke the fight broke out like why would you hey bro you guys are skipping in line at toontown hey
00:48:55
and then i would be like hey bro my bad no bro now you're bad bro we got to throw down
00:49:00
no we've been here since are you going to spit on me bro yeah bro back up son
00:49:06
[Laughter] yeah this has infectious diseases too yeah between december 17th and 20th to visit us the
00:49:14
park were exposed to measles is that still around and look where it's from show some of the rides at magic
00:49:18
mountain oh yeah you got to see some of the magic mountain magic mountain rides you got to go on these hot
00:49:26
six flags at the park baby magic mountain six flags it may be one of the best six
00:49:33
flags ever we had one in chicago and outside chicago it's called um great america wow and they had the
00:49:39
old they had the american eagle was the the the uh the wooden one our rides okay look apocalypse all wood sent from
00:49:47
the future they still got batman which is crazy yeah the best one i don't think they
00:49:52
have anymore deja vu that was fun well it's in no it's not because it's in alphabetical order
00:49:56
daffy's adventure tours and dive devil what's dive devil that's that's one of those where you take a
00:50:01
leap and it swings through the phoenix elmer's weather balloons yeah forget that one and what's full
00:50:07
throttle photo they use yeah full throttle like this is crazy this kind of [ __ ] is
00:50:11
look at that look at that bananas bananas you want to see what it looks like rudy
00:50:16
this is what we're going to do we're going to do this as soon as panty's done
00:50:19
look at there it is this is us on full throttle oh yeah dude and a lot of times people
00:50:25
fall out right here people die people dumb i'm dying and they hit the rail then the ground right they rail fly
00:50:33
right and they break their neck and usually they end up don't they don't actually
00:50:36
die right away these aren't as scary though with the loopy loop ones no i like the ones that
00:50:41
are yeah i like the ones when you go straight from top all the way to the bottom
00:50:45
there you go yeah that's good diversity yeah yeah that's the one where it goes straight up
00:50:50
see i'm always afraid that these bars are gonna um break snap yeah well look it's on just
00:50:55
like a hinge it's on like a it's on a looks like a lollipop yeah you'll be
00:50:58
like lollipop material it's just like a hydraulic hinge what if this thing just decides to just be like
00:51:03
fail nip nip and opens up yeah or you know how it doesn't you know like it locks yeah but i'm always afraid it's
00:51:10
going to unlock well you know how it works but there's still some space you know what i mean like there's still
00:51:16
it's still it's still a little space by the way speaking of which have you seen the
00:51:19
video that circulated again about dmx on the slingshot uh-uh come on who's dmx dmx the rapper what
00:51:28
oh yeah this guy on the slingshot you've never seen this this may be one of the
00:51:30
funniest videos i've ever seen in my entire life has it gone yet no he's amping himself
00:51:37
up he's just getting excited to do it just because he's nervous so he has to
00:51:40
yell look at how fast he's breathing look at his body yeah these are grown men
00:51:56
[Laughter] keep going keep going no he there's nothing happen they slowly let them down
00:52:04
oh really yeah oh i like it when they pass out or they vomit on each other oh the
00:52:08
people when people pass out is my favorite look think about how your face is on this
00:52:12
sweaty thing this is my biggest pet peeve with with rides and stuff yeah i mean think
00:52:18
about even pre-pandy i hated touchy gross sweaty black people all up in the thing they
00:52:25
know how rude it would be to just wipe it down uh i would i would absolutely if a guy leaves what if he
00:52:30
turns around and looks at you and i go you look gross it's not my fault you look gross yeah i
00:52:36
would absolutely wipe off the in fact do you think i was talking to this uh do you think people are gonna start doing
00:52:40
that now constantly oh maybe like when pandy's over do you think that's just gonna be
00:52:44
the norm oh i mean when i was on the flight you know what i mean so everyone in first class was like
00:52:50
yeah i mean to hawaii wiping everything down yeah that's what i did that's what i do you
00:52:56
didn't wipe it down at all no i had two masks on yeah your mask is yeah and i had another [ __ ] shield were
00:53:04
you touching it though what you what no i i you know you know how i do it yeah i mean i snuck on like this i sat down
00:53:11
right yeah i put the seat belt on right and i put more you know yeah but that's all and you don't it's not like
00:53:17
you use anything anymore well i just figured like if some gets coveted gets on my first of all
00:53:22
you can't get it from surfaces i heard you could if you touched it it was fresh and
00:53:27
you put it to your mouth or face so here at bad friends we're not licensed medical professionals we are
00:53:34
comics with barely a high school diploma for medical information go to the cdc website and
00:53:40
you know don't [ __ ] listen to us if they have pictures of it look at the kova just hanging out smoking i know but
00:53:45
how long does kovat chill they don't really know a couple hours on certain services andre
00:53:50
so trace's wife is in the medical tell us andres three days three days all right so if i okay so for
00:53:55
instance if there was covid right here on this table right we cleaned this before everyone i
00:53:59
know i understand that but uh andreas yes and i touched it right yeah after like an hour yep and i
00:54:07
put in my eyeball why are you touching your eye i put up my eyeball right could i get covered yes did we
00:54:14
clean this desk this morning we do yeah we do every day yeah can you get covered from surfaces
00:54:20
yeah no wait kovid from surfaces i know from surfaces yeah i'll do it it may be possible that a person can get
00:54:28
covenanting by touching a surface or object that has the virus on and then touching their own mouth nose or
00:54:32
possibly their eyes but this is not thought to be the main way yeah it's not the main way
00:54:36
it doesn't matter it's our way what it's got to be the main way babe
00:54:40
no it's not that's like saying you can't get hiv from having non-butt sex no it's like you know butt
00:54:46
sex is probably the most common way not the main way but you could get it what's the main way
00:54:52
butt sex right what's the non-main way yeah vaginal sex transfusion transfusion there's other
00:55:02
ways it's more like i think that was a good example andre yes i know i think
00:55:07
can you get hiv from spitting in somebody's mouth no but can you make out with somebody if
00:55:13
you both have cuts inside your mouth still won't spread that even your cuts inside the mouth still won't spread that
00:55:17
way but if i had to cut out my dick and you're giving me a job then the likelihood could could be
00:55:21
there yes okay so there we go so that's like what probably 0.1 percent gets it it's
00:55:26
happened right it's happened there was a guy i needed to take the rest there was a guy
00:55:29
that had a huge huge take a risk on that all right well i guess i'm gonna if i have a cut on my
00:55:33
dick and you have a cut in your [ __ ] thing and i have hiv or you have hiv i'm
00:55:36
willing to take the risk well if you have hiv and you're gonna give it to me
00:55:38
then you don't care at all okay but if you even if you had hiv right you had to cut your mouth
00:55:44
right and i had to cut on my dick right i would [ __ ] risk it you would yeah really oh yeah that seems
00:55:50
silly it's what 0.001 chance to get it that's but the one existed but then i'll be like
00:55:56
i'll go i'll go to [ __ ] um magic johnson's house he beat it i know okay well then i'll go give me
00:56:04
your [ __ ] give me the fix yeah now do you think he got it from a guy that's a real that's real because his
00:56:12
wife doesn't have it i think when we saw that richard pryor thing the other day mm-hmm
00:56:17
i think more guys [ __ ] in the ass and we we don't that we're not privy to
00:56:21
a lot of men have had sexual relations with men done stuff with men i believe and i truly believe this
00:56:28
that you've done some stuff with men okay and then don't be embarrassed i
00:56:34
mean i haven't but i mean don't be embarrassed by it okay okay you have and don't be
00:56:38
embarrassed what did i do i don't know your private life but i'm just i know your nature
00:56:42
yeah i don't know what kind of guy you are you've had no just being honest what when did i do
00:56:48
this i don't know when no you do so tell me when you probably happened in college what college did you
00:56:53
go to arizona state arizona state right it's pre-party town big party school right you probably went
00:56:58
to a party yeah i'm there you got drunk yeah right and you went hey john just kidding yeah
00:57:06
and john went all right the closest i've ever come is uh being in a three in the devil's
00:57:12
threesome me and my friend and a girl yeah but what'd you do in the devils uh
00:57:17
the true story or the or the comedy versions would you do the devils here's what's really sad
00:57:22
what did you touch his penis no no your penises touch your penis no not even close because she was dog
00:57:29
style and i was hitting it from behind and then he was getting his his knobs lobbed
00:57:33
and the worst part was is he started talking yeah and it freaked me out and i had to
00:57:38
like as fast as i could i had he was like oh yeah yeah i was like no no i was already
00:57:44
weirded out about the whole thing yeah you know what mike barton did to me who he's a comic named mike burton
00:57:50
what did he do to you he gave me a thumbs up while you guys were hooking up with
00:57:54
something with the girl this he'd give you thumbs up he went like this i was
00:57:56
just i was going down on her right and he was getting blown by her right man you got the raw into that dude yeah
00:58:02
i was eating her out and i look up and he looked he was looking at me the whole time i think
00:58:06
yeah right because it's like because once i looked up he was already looking
00:58:09
at he's just staring down freaked me out yeah i was just like i was doing my business down here man
00:58:14
you know i mean don't look at my work you're diving and he's just chilling you
00:58:16
know what i mean yeah hey bob yeah so i i i'm down i look and he's like this
00:58:22
and he looks at me goes and i went and you kept going yeah and i kept going but see that's
00:58:29
very nice that you kept going no my god my buddy talked look at me my buddy talked and i had to
00:58:34
finish as fast as i could yeah and this is probably mean she probably took this the wrong way i got in the
00:58:39
shower immediately they kept hooking up for the next like hour i got in the shower and went back
00:58:42
downstairs at the party yeah that was the closest i've come to any kind of like male sexual encounter
00:58:48
i've never had one i'll be genuine with you i would tell you if i had something
00:58:50
weird brian i i've taken brian keith edward and aaron cater bke you know bk yeah yeah yeah and aaron
00:58:57
cater i've taken the breakfast with the girls afterwards wait what explain what you're
00:59:05
saying i had a sexual thing with a bunch of girls and aaron cater and brian keith
00:59:10
etheridge all you guys together yes weird combo and then after i know and then afterwards you know i mean i
00:59:15
bought breakfast that's right no but that's one of the like i wish i hadn't done that was that
00:59:20
a cafe 101 rest in peace no it wasn't vegas oh okay but it's such a weird
00:59:25
awkward breakfast yeah of course why would you do five in the morning you just want to go to sleep
00:59:29
you want everyone out yeah cause it's your hotel room right where you want everyone out
00:59:33
and you're just kind of eating this shitty omelette you know i mean you know
00:59:37
i mean you got like fl you have things in your mouth you know i mean you have like
00:59:42
chunks of other things in your mouth right you're completely just depleted of any kind of like fluids
00:59:48
right right and you're just you feel gross about the whole experience also you you i don't you know at the
00:59:55
time i didn't know those two guys that well how did that even happen we weren't
00:59:58
besties right you know what i mean i made them an open mic it was just a gig it was a gig right and um i'm just
01:00:04
eating this [ __ ] sh and just looking at them and you know brian keith which is one of the ugliest
01:00:09
guys i've ever seen in my [ __ ] you said it not me he is he handsome i don't remember he has no chin
01:00:17
literally noun well what if he hears this bob he's i've already talked about
01:00:20
i've done i did this i did the story on comedy central already but did you call him ugly
01:00:25
yeah he's the one the ugliest people i've ever seen in my life really you think this guy's the most one
01:00:30
of the ugliest people you've ever seen in your life depends on what photo you
01:00:32
see oh that yeah you're a mean one mr grinch he's not that ugly he again looks like another rick classman
01:00:42
it is funny how many rick glassman's is this him now that's what he looks
01:00:45
like now huh wow that's not him sure is uh sure is that's not him yes it is yes
01:00:54
it is dude that's him today no that's him right there this right here yeah yeah yeah that's him
01:00:58
that's him right there on the right yeah none on the left this is him right here
01:01:02
yeah that's him he's all right looking he's all right guys rudy what do you think about that
01:01:06
guy is he handsome he looks creepy he looks creepy she says oh he is creepy what he is very creepy what what vibe
01:01:16
why does he give you that vibe right away the mouth and the eyes the mouth see women can tell if guys are
01:01:22
creepy by their mouth isn't that weird yeah let's show her a picture of somebody and see if she
01:01:27
thinks they're creepy just by their mouth who's somebody we're friends with that
01:01:30
we can show her and see if they're creepy right just by their mouth a comic she might not know okay give me
01:01:37
somebody who's someone that she might not know that do they look creepy yeah do you
01:01:41
know who anthony jesselnik is no great perfect close your eyes close your eyes all right is this guy is this guy a
01:01:49
creep or whatever zoom in about no no don't zoom in the mouth first i mean that's as close as
01:01:53
i'm gonna get no so you can look at the mouth and not the face and then you can zoom out
01:01:57
that's very smart keep your eyes closed woman yeah all right that's as close as we can get
01:02:02
on this dude you can't zoom into the mouth no right there okay there we go do that
01:02:08
all right what do you think yeah creepy yeah wow interesting and then that's what he looks like regular
01:02:14
how do you think kinda oh still wow all right close your eyes again he's cute
01:02:20
i think he's really yeah he's a handsome guy yeah jim jeffries do you know jim
01:02:23
jeffries she doesn't know he doesn't know any of them no this mouth right here right
01:02:28
all right rudy creep or not a creep i don't think so i don't think so yeah i
01:02:36
don't think so that's jim ah oh is it bad now it's bad now is it bad now kind of yeah yeah wow
01:02:44
great guy great guy great another great guy great comment great guy so you maybe you think all
01:02:49
guys are creepy yeah close your eyes close your eyes let's do one more another one see one more i want to see
01:02:56
if you all right rude what do you think is this guy creepy yeah yeah yes he is by the way what a
01:03:10
photo bob oh my god promo yeah and they said take another one and you said that one's
01:03:15
the one that one will do yeah [ __ ] you let me see that photo i've never seen that
01:03:19
photo before this one yeah what's going on this is on a morning news show oh yeah yeah and you
01:03:23
look like you're like dripping from coke sweat yeah yeah it's really sad what they're able to put
01:03:29
up on the internet without your approval i know you don't have to say yeah you don't get
01:03:32
to say yes to any of this yeah i have so many bad photos oh terrible like why is that up there i
01:03:36
don't know look at this one kaleido looks great she looked great on that she looks great
01:03:40
that's so funny now see that other asian guy his name is bobby lee too and he's
01:03:43
trying to get yeah he's trying to get into my [ __ ] [ __ ] no i know yeah god his eyes are so far
01:03:48
apart i know like like a hammerhead shark this is not going anywhere this podcast
01:03:54
right i can't i can't i i have to continue some other time no no we're going to do a little bit more time
01:04:00
it's terrible i can't do it i i'm just not everything i'm saying is not good and
01:04:05
i'm just going yeah yeah you're fine no it's not it's not good i
01:04:09
feel you it's tough no you don't i'm not adding an information for some reason i'm just
01:04:14
kind of like lost and i don't know what to say i don't know what every story
01:04:21
i had to cut around because i've already said it a thousand times it's like
01:04:25
i've done so many podcasts it's like you just you know i know i know years it's like you just kind of get to
01:04:30
a point where it's like what else is there to say i don't know what else to say i don't just live in
01:04:35
we can live in the conversation at the moment and let it go where it is i know but it's like it's like sometimes
01:04:40
it's like i don't know we went into matching mountain rides that was ridiculous and it was really
01:04:46
kind of fun and then like it's drifting in and out of different things that don't
01:04:52
really make any kind of sense to me of why anyone would give a [ __ ] it's amazing to
01:04:58
me that anybody gives a [ __ ] general and they do you know what i mean like who gives a [ __ ] they do they like
01:05:03
it this is your existential moment yeah you're really having a crisis right now
01:05:08
do you do this on belly no because um no because there's a guess he turns around plays video games
01:05:16
that's not it is it's and belly it's different because it's like we talk
01:05:19
about belly's different because we talk about what's going on in the house
01:05:25
also we have a guest you know the guest and then we also it's it's also i always tell like
01:05:31
it's just different you know this one the pressure is is more there's no pressure on that one
01:05:38
because this one you know i it's like you're so good that like you know i just sometimes i just kind of go
01:05:48
i don't want to i don't know what i'm doing you don't want to do it anymore no i
01:05:54
want to do it i just of course i want to do it no i know yeah i mean i just don't know what i'm doing
01:05:59
right now well let's get to another let's get to another point and then we can we can all
01:06:03
way through his cruise little break or something smoke a cigarette and that'll help me
01:06:07
look at me look at me look at me sweet boy anyone cares well you're doing good why are you
01:06:13
having this existential weird moment you don't know what anything means really let's talk about that
01:06:20
i don't know what anything means i don't know anything that's another thing is i realize i
01:06:25
don't know anything i don't know anything no i really don't know i don't know anything about anything i
01:06:34
don't know how anything works i don't know what i believe in i don't know you know
01:06:38
how long i have left what am i doing with the time that i have you know what is this
01:06:47
this i mean genuinely do you mean this yeah i have these moments of just like what
01:06:52
would you rather be doing even when i'm playing video games i'm like this isn't it
01:07:01
what do you think you should be doing filling your phone that's the thing there's got to be
01:07:04
you're having kind of like a midlife crisis no i'm not i think it has to do with like the
01:07:09
pandemic because it's like i can't leave so it's like you know i can't leave
01:07:15
and i can't do anything i can't do anything that i want to do i can't do stand up i can't do anything
01:07:22
so it's like my days are left of just watching old star trek next generation episodes
01:07:28
to trying to watch other things that you know i mean that people are saying you should watch this
01:07:34
this is great on netflix it's trending number three you know i mean and you just kind of watch it this
01:07:39
morning when i watched that reality show was just on i was watching going this is the day and this is going to end
01:07:46
the same as it did last night and then it's like and then i realized like what's the point of it all there's
01:07:52
nothing to do well and then i'm going to hawaii you know at the end of the week or when a couple i
01:07:57
don't know when i go you know you know but it's like why we'll go what's the point because
01:08:04
there's a job there yeah i know but um but let's talk i'm being serious yeah
01:08:10
are you having this crisis moment because you feel like you're you're not
01:08:12
being fulfilled it's not just fulfilled it's what's the point of it all well
01:08:18
let's go over the point there is no point i hate this business mm-hmm and i and uh let's get out and
01:08:25
i'm done i think you're done in a week you're going to hawaii to film another episode
01:08:30
of magnificent that's not the business though that is literally the business yeah but when you
01:08:34
show up there it's like you realize they even go people watch this like it's not a thing like you know when i
01:08:40
did love yeah and should have patel's around everyone's around and they take them some seriously that
01:08:46
right there to me is the business you know i mean so you prefer when people are taking
01:08:51
themselves no i want to be a part of that group i want to be a part of like the cool group
01:08:55
i want to be a part of like you are in the cool group i'm not i'm in the like ghetto [ __ ]
01:08:59
here's the problem that i think you're mistaken yeah most people aren't in this
01:09:03
fake group that you think people are i want to be in it you're not in it and
01:09:06
you want it because it doesn't exist it does no because you ask them and they'll even tell you i don't even know
01:09:10
what you're talking about yeah those people want to be in it too and that's why you butt heads with them
01:09:16
butt heads with who you know you're talking about who i know tell me who what's what's his
01:09:22
name seth seth the guy that was in the disaster honors what's his name seth rogen yeah how do i butt heads what
01:09:29
are you talking about you got you gave him [ __ ] about the lines and the thing and then no
01:09:34
i no i didn't give him [ __ ] about it i publicly talked [ __ ] about not having
01:09:38
anything but you have to understand that there was tension between you two you said
01:09:42
no the the idea was the idea was like i don't think they cared that i was bummed that i got taken out
01:09:49
so that made me sad it was a bummer then you could approach him and then he was like
01:09:53
weird with you no but no i didn't approach him about the lines but the next time i saw him it was kind of weird
01:09:59
yeah are you weird now with him i haven't seen him yeah but you think there's weirdness do you
01:10:04
think he likes you i don't think he cares about me as a i don't think he
01:10:07
gives a [ __ ] that i exist i don't i think he that's what it is i think he
01:10:10
probably there are people that he doesn't care about well of course yeah no but i'm
01:10:14
okay with that i just think that he goes that kid's nice kind of funny it didn't work out with us no i don't
01:10:21
think he cares but here's my thing i gotta start i gotta be a part of a group
01:10:25
right that's doing high-level [ __ ] that everyone wants to be a part of we we make this show and people
01:10:32
[ __ ] love this show i know but i'm it's i know i understand that that's great so you want this to be
01:10:36
highbrow and [ __ ] no i don't want to harvard lampoon [ __ ] no no i don't want to say
01:10:40
hi i know but i want it like we're not smart enough you and i are not that smart
01:10:45
that's what i'm saying what are we doing this is great what did we do we were
01:10:49
dumb yeah it's great what are we doing here around we're gonna read something man
01:10:54
we're gonna learn about things we're speaking for the idiots oh god that's it that's what i need
01:11:00
we're dumb we're dumb but we've always said we're dumb oh and let me tell you something yeah i
01:11:06
don't want to be smart because this is fun i'm having a great [ __ ] time
01:11:12
being dumb with you is more fun than anything i've done and it's usually great it's usually you're in a
01:11:17
just like you're in a weird head space it's like you know there are snooty pit
01:11:23
parts about me yeah but you've been you've manufactured faster than that no
01:11:26
i'm very snooty when it comes to like you mean i don't like these kind of
01:11:30
films or these kind of yeah you've manufactured that you've made that up and i've always
01:11:34
wanted to be a part of like the cool group and it's like even since i was in
01:11:38
[ __ ] high school i could never get in i can never get in with the cool kids here's the ir here's
01:11:45
the irony and i want to be in the cool kids now name to me the cool kids because they
01:11:49
were the dorks for sure who you think are the cool kids are dorks i know so what are you even talking about you
01:11:57
don't want to be friends with them whoever you're talking about they don't
01:12:01
exist i know you you make up the idea that there's this group that you would
01:12:03
join and hang out with but it's not you know i do these podcasts because it was the last thing that i could do to
01:12:13
survive at the beginning oh yeah it was the la it was like oh it's either this or get a
01:12:18
day job but now you do the podcast my point is is that so it's the podcasting stuff isn't you
01:12:25
know i loved doing it saved me like in a way right but it's like it wasn't you know why i came to l.a why
01:12:33
did you come to la i thought that i honestly thought that i would be a movie star
01:12:38
but that's not that's but that's not that's not a real thought what do you
01:12:41
know but that's one of my go that was my dream like i want to be a movie star and
01:12:44
i'm going to do these i'm going to do all this stuff but you are off working act readjust your
01:12:48
dream then i know i'm gonna have to but my point is that and so every once in a while and people think that
01:12:52
i'm complaining or whining i'm not whining i'm just you know i'm just it gets to a point where
01:12:57
you're just kind of like what the [ __ ] am i doing you know and it has to do with the pandemic too it's
01:13:03
like you know i don't we're like here's another thing and this is a part of my thing is you know every
01:13:09
once in a while i like to go buy clothes i know you know i have this weird obsession with like
01:13:16
you know i'll go you know i'll go to self edge and maybe i'll get a new
01:13:20
you know i mean japanese raw denim you know i mean i'll wear it out this year
01:13:24
i'll just wear it every day right and get the creases and make it right right and so i i look at my emails i've
01:13:31
ordered 10 000 things online and they have none of them come yeah none of it's coming so i can't even
01:13:35
do that i'm just saying every morning i wake up right and i go out to the balcony
01:13:41
because from the balcony i can look down to see like packages yeah and there's all these gigantic boxes
01:13:46
filled with like ottomans and chairs that [ __ ] kolila gets right or lamp fixtures right right and
01:13:52
i'm just looking for that little tiny jacket you know or you know i mean or you know i mean the underwear that i
01:13:57
bought right you know i mean or the socks or whatever right and it's that they
01:14:01
and they say it's delivering to track your but i don't know how to do any of
01:14:05
that right right so i don't know how to track it i don't know where it is
01:14:08
i mean i have things i bought a [ __ ] you know that couch a french italian couch i have right a part of
01:14:15
that deal i bought these really cool light things right they're like light fixtures right
01:14:21
and i remember a year ago when i bought the [ __ ] italian couch i said um hey you can throw in one of those fancy
01:14:27
light fixtures no problem buddy yo how many do you want i go four great man there's only four left
01:14:34
anyway and then you know we got the italian couch and i go clyde where's the lamp
01:14:38
fixtures she goes it's somewhere in culver city and something and i go i guess i'll never get it you
01:14:45
didn't get it you know what i mean this sound this sounds so i don't have it's
01:14:48
just you're not getting you're you're not getting things during the thing
01:14:53
i can't get anything so it's like the frustration is obvious and i'm so
01:14:58
sensitive i guess because of this pandemic because of that i think that's a part of it i'm just so i can't take
01:15:02
any kind of criticism criticism but that's okay yeah because we're going to get through it
01:15:06
and it's going to be fine on the other hand like i mean i'm just a jumbled
01:15:11
of nerves you need a release yeah there's nothing you know and you know that's so rude to me at the house
01:15:17
you know what i mean that i can feel yeah they're so rude to me at the house when you say you're king
01:15:22
and she goes i want you're not my king right yeah tell me how you're king you know do
01:15:26
i not say that who's the king and you won't tell me you're the king unless i threaten you yeah yeah
01:15:31
who is the king interesting that's what i'm saying that's interesting yeah and she's not
01:15:37
the king can i die but it's not i i i i i i i i let me i i i i you you you think that
01:15:48
like when i was first of all you know i mean i'm usually you know where i go it's okay
01:15:52
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no you
01:15:53
know what i got i'm so sorry about my existential i'm going through look at me look at me
01:15:57
don't be sorry yeah it's a great it's a honest moment that you're having
01:16:01
yeah honestly this whole podcast i was just like the whole time thing is what am i doing here sometimes your mind gets
01:16:06
in those things why what are we saying yeah you're you're becoming like a
01:16:10
nihilist you know i no i'm not no i'm not i'm just i'm literally going why would anyone
01:16:14
want to listen to this too you think i don't know yeah yeah but they do and i
01:16:19
appreciate it yeah yeah and i i i'm appreciative i love when they call in the guy with gigantism
01:16:25
and the dwarves and all the people that and the lady and everyone calling in and
01:16:28
going get them in i mean we love you know i mean keep going and they buy the merch
01:16:33
but you know and they they tag me in it and they make little videos of me it's
01:16:37
really sweet and i really appreciate it and i go but deep down i'm going why do you like it
01:16:42
you know i mean and i'm glad you do i'm gonna keep doing it because you know there's nothing else to do do
01:16:48
you like it i love doing it yeah i like seeing you and i like doing it yeah there are times where i'm like oh
01:16:54
that's a funny bit or you know i mean oh that we really you know i mean yeah
01:16:59
we went this way with it yeah and that was fun right but today was not it no today was just like oh that's not it
01:17:06
i'm glad we had i mean a lot of it was great yeah right george short all right hey thank you for being a bad
01:17:14
friend [Music]