00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:07
are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends are we ready to go you guys we
00:00:13
are okay we don't
00:00:24
i've been watching that show queen's gambit oh and he he looks like both george and him
00:00:30
look like people that should be in that show george looks like the creepy guy that tries to have sex with her at the beginning right
00:00:36
right right right right and also um what's his name andres
00:00:42
andreas andrews looks like a guy that like you know he's at the booth signing people in
00:00:48
and he's questioning her like you know i mean like are girls even allowed to play chess
00:00:53
yeah right yeah and then he gets his ass kicked he's that he has that kind of like yeah i mean who do you guys think you
00:00:58
are in the show do you think you're somebody else george that's who you are i'm the swab guy is there a swag
00:01:05
no there's not a suave you're not suave you're not suave at all george you're greasy dude you're
00:01:11
clumsy you're super clumsy yeah you use car salesman you are a used car sometimes that's what you are george
00:01:17
i used cars but why what what uh what dealership by the way oh not even used [ __ ] cars yeah like old like they're
00:01:23
like 80 years from now chunky the future junkyard priuses from now he'll be sorry
00:01:29
you're a junkyard car dealer george and and andres is um andres's uh the guy who plays fast jazz
00:01:35
really well fast chance really well no you're not i i play fast chess you're the guy in 20
00:01:42
moves she beat you yeah and then you the next episode you you're the guy that says yeah i just decided to um become an
00:01:48
engineer right like you quit because of the heat yeah 100 what a great show
00:01:54
though it's a phenomenal are you finished i'm on episode eight love it yeah i don't know exactly what
00:02:00
happens um the uh didn't you finish rude yeah i did yes she did
00:02:05
so good it really is a well-done show so wait are you watching it by yourself or you guys are watching it together
00:02:10
watching with kalyla oh okay she's already seen it yeah so we're just kind of re-watching it but what a good show did you watch it are
00:02:16
you watching it again no no you're over it once is enough i can't watch a show more i know people that do that all the time
00:02:22
they're like i'm rewatching the office from the start i'm like well i've seen i've seen every disaster movie probably a thousand times like
00:02:28
i've seen volcano oh yeah about probably 200 times i've seen um deep impact a thousand times what
00:02:34
about twister that's not i'm not i don't know it's a good movie though it's okay
00:02:40
really yeah i i think the graphics aren't as good yeah well of the time it was very pretty good what was that what was the worst
00:02:46
what's the worst movie that you've watched multiple times and you don't know why the core the core yeah what is that
00:02:54
i don't know what that is so the core is a and you the core is a disaster movie
00:02:59
right and so you know so when you when you when you think of disaster movies that think what meteor right right
00:03:07
let's see tsunami the the sort of tsunami the world ending the world ending right or some sort of
00:03:13
thing right so they came out of they came um they ran out of ideas hollywood so they went what do we do
00:03:19
what do we do and so they so this one is um the core of the earth
00:03:25
it just stopped spinning what yeah like the world ceases to spin no
00:03:31
just the core you know the molten the metallic you know i mean it just stops spinning
00:03:37
and then and then gravity dissipates and then the solar winds come and destroy the earth so the only way they can so the only way
00:03:43
they could save right is to get to the core of the earth right
00:03:48
and get it to spin again what yeah so they create a ship to go
00:03:55
into the they have great actors hillary swank what aaron eckhart when did this come out i know 12 years
00:04:02
ago maybe who else um wait wait wait stanley tucci spoiler alert spoiler alert how did they get it to spin what was
00:04:08
their you gotta go to the center of the earth and run as fast as you can around it
00:04:14
that you release um hussain bolt what does this name saddam hussein bolt no what's steve
00:04:20
what's his name who's usain bolt yeah usain bolt yeah have him run yeah right right no they put um michael phelps mike
00:04:27
no they put little nucleus charges and detonate it
00:04:32
so it would so it would create an inertia to keep yeah [Music]
00:04:38
right it didn't work it does that what a bad this is such a bad moment i know but it works that's what i love about it
00:04:44
fancy you you laughed because you've seen this movie i i have yeah and did you like it it's a
00:04:49
bad movie but i enjoyed it like would you watch it again like but like bob has seen it more than once yeah i know the director too so it's a
00:04:57
director what does he do now he's an industrial film for southwest airlines no he's a he's a postmates driver
00:05:05
he's a pretty cool guy what does he do now he does tv shows what kind of yeah yeah what kind he was doing the
00:05:12
board oh that's a really good show that's a good show guys shut it up you [ __ ] shut up
00:05:20
george you car sale yeah you want a prius a thousand years from now though yeah we'll call you we'll give you a ring [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] let's get
00:05:26
let's give a shout out right now to my pup cub i brought cubs cubby to the universe because why i brought cubby because i got a facetime
00:05:32
call from kalila and you three nights ago yeah and the argument that was going on inside of your house was
00:05:38
what go ahead what do you mean you had an argument
00:05:44
that i don't love my dog that's not what the argument was that's what she said i understand that but
00:05:50
see now i have to share my world view when it comes to white people and their dogs okay go
00:05:56
ahead i don't want to share that because it's going to cause people anger
00:06:01
between diversity between me and the whites the whites don't like you we took a vote the whites i've been down
00:06:08
many white vaginas we like you okay you can make fun of us go ahead it's not making fun of me it's
00:06:13
just something that i you think whites aren't good with animals no that's not what i'm saying wait so remember the [ __ ] lady
00:06:19
jane whatever when lived in the jungles and lived with the monkeys jane goodall yeah yeah jane goodall mm-hmm yeah so i know they love
00:06:26
them so what is it yeah but it's like um we love them too much no is okay do you ever want to see the
00:06:32
movie signs with the water what no
00:06:38
and like shyamalan's movies yeah yeah the water wasn't it water that killed that oh yeah the aliens yeah yeah yeah it was like the worst you could
00:06:44
see water right you can because everyone remembers that was the worst plot they were like and it and all
00:06:50
it is is water that hurts them it's like what that's what [ __ ] m night shyamalan can't swing away right
00:06:56
the baseball bat thing amazing movie it was so bad andres help fancy help i really like this movie yeah
00:07:04
i i think movie is amazing it was the one of the worst movies he made because you don't what no it's not
00:07:09
it's one it's the one it's it's a sleeper it's the were you gonna say it's the one the sixth sense is i think the one no i
00:07:16
think that science is his best movie and then six cents a second you're [ __ ] insane such a good
00:07:21
[ __ ] movie bobby you're doing this just to argue with me i swear to god i [ __ ] love sides you think that's
00:07:28
better than the success 100 the only thing that's the sign that sixth sense had that was great was the greatest plot twist tony
00:07:34
colette yeah so annoying you never saw that coming
00:07:39
you never saw the plot twisted coming yeah the surprise but dude that's the whole thing i didn't but my
00:07:44
when my brother and i watched signs right i'm not kidding you dude my
00:07:50
brother and i held each other's hand yeah right i did the movie and we started shaking right and we look
00:07:56
you know how you cry in a movie right sure you can't really see the tears until you lock eyes and the glare
00:08:02
of the [ __ ] screen hits my [ __ ] your tears yeah and i saw my brother's tears
00:08:07
and we looked at each other and we we started shaking and then we burst into laughter because
00:08:13
it looked ridiculous that we were crying at the same time and then we my brother and i remember us walking down the street
00:08:19
yeah for like two hours going is that the best movie we've ever seen so yeah no way yeah because i'll tell
00:08:26
you why i like the movie and this is okay it's fancy is sixth sense better than signs or sign
00:08:32
yes thank you i didn't think so but can i have my own opinion no yes you know i'll tell you i'll tell
00:08:38
you why i also i like it all right and this is the thing it like the movie right it's it's like
00:08:44
because my brother this is gonna sound so dumb i don't want to dive into this but i'm going to right please just defend myself right
00:08:49
but because my brother and i right i i don't even speak for my brother i'm speaking for myself all right that i believe in some weird thing which
00:08:57
is a higher power i believe in higher power too because of my but it's because of my your 12-step
00:09:02
product i know i'm not dumb i know but but what i believe is is that um this is what i believe is that i
00:09:09
believe that everything happens for a reason there are no coincidences right and it's like there have been too
00:09:14
many things in my own personal life and i'll give you an examples right if i can give you a real deep example of
00:09:20
why i believe right that i'm taken care of you know what i mean and i don't believe in jesus
00:09:26
i just believe that when i see a coincidence i think that it's like something that was meant to be
00:09:31
right sure so that's what the movie is about yes right so the switch for me of i
00:09:37
didn't know that the little cups of water around the [ __ ] living room that the little girl leaves around all
00:09:44
the time that you know i mean that that was all meant to be to kill the aliens right and they the kid had asthma right so
00:09:52
that the poison doesn't go what spoiler [ __ ] you if you ever seen signs it you could [ __ ] yourself he's right
00:09:59
that's true he's right yeah no no you're right if you haven't seen signs by now yeah yeah go [ __ ] [ __ ] jump off a
00:10:05
roof thank you yeah right so all those little things when it happened at the end yes in retrospect it's cheesy beyonce all
00:10:12
right but at the time right my brother and i went that's why the water right and then now
00:10:20
oh yeah right and then you know and then the mom being clinging to the tree when the the
00:10:25
car hit the mom he was injured she's dying right right and she goes swinging away merrell swing all right that's why she said and he
00:10:32
grabbed the thing so all that stuff at the time when i was watching it it hit me because it i
00:10:38
related to it it seems like they just inserted a bunch of stuff that like he you know what it seems like that that sixth sense was such a banger
00:10:44
it was such a banger and they were like dude you got your sophomore album's got to be as good as the freshman one yeah and then he just like compiled a bunch
00:10:51
of weird dumb tropes like and the boy has asthma and the aliens killed him it was like he was just fl it was the third movie by the way whatever
00:10:57
it was just bad unbreakable was great unbreakable was good okay did you like the village love the
00:11:02
village okay loved it we're on the outside most people hated it fancy bee i like it a lot too
00:11:09
okay because people hate the village did you see the village no no she didn't watch anything the
00:11:15
village people hated but i was like why i think this is great one thing about signs is now let's go back to the dog thing
00:11:21
okay right yeah is and whenever when my brother and i saw it i remember thinking to myself yeah that's that's about right why
00:11:29
when they were all so the aliens are attacking yeah right and you know now um mel gibson joaquin
00:11:35
and the two kids are in the house they boarded everything up right and then
00:11:40
they go oh [ __ ] we forgot the dog that was outside by the barn and then they can hear the aliens
00:11:47
killing the dog and in my head is like i thought that's about right because in our home right
00:11:55
i leave jules out first before the [ __ ] animals well yeah but that no see but that's right you're right that's
00:12:01
that's ridiculous people are going to get left behind right right right [Laughter]
00:12:07
right so no but so when you're watching the movie and you see the dog getting killed out by the barn yeah in my head i'm like yeah they would
00:12:13
leave the dog out you know what i mean whereas in independence day right
00:12:19
when um i forgot her name will smith's um she was a she was a stripper in the movie what's her name
00:12:24
his girlfriend in the movie oh yeah what is her name um oh god i i like her and i forgot her
00:12:30
name oh i can't think of her i can see her face i could draw a photo of his fox oh my god
00:12:36
annoying it's so annoying vivica a fox right remember when they called their dog because the
00:12:41
aliens were attacking they were in that you know um under that tunnel or whatever and their car was under and they're like
00:12:47
come on i feel like black people would do that
00:12:52
come on it's not a blessing people would just leave that's so not true yeah we would do i would do anything for
00:12:58
that dog anything i'm in love i'm in love with that dog all right let me ask you this right if um would you give up a liver to
00:13:06
put that into that 100 well no you can't live without your liver what do you mean would i give up like a
00:13:11
what do people get kidney a kidney yeah of course of course you would live all right and if they said you might die from giving up the
00:13:17
kidney i go sure whatever how about they say that pandemic is i don't [ __ ] care anymore inside your penis
00:13:24
yeah right yeah inside your penis there is a blood vessel right yeah and inside that blood vessel
00:13:30
there's a sack this is just right there's a little sack in a blood festival okay right that has because he's dying from a
00:13:36
really specific disease that's a girl that's a girl your girl is you're she's dying from a very specific disease right
00:13:42
the only way we can save this dog right we have to get to that little sack right
00:13:48
and then um and take the the the juice and the the material in there and we have to create a
00:13:53
antidote but the only way you can do that is we have to completely chop your dig off right do you put it back are you guys gonna put it back on we can't put it
00:13:59
back it just destroys the penis well okay is there a way for me to get a cadaver penis i can i get another guy's
00:14:04
penis no the only way we could do we could like take the remains and take the like the you know the sensational parts of sure
00:14:10
and tuck it in give me a vagina for your [ __ ] done you wouldn't do that i would love to
00:14:16
have a vagina i've had a dick for 37 years let me [ __ ] it yes be real okay good yes
00:14:23
but my point is is that so those are my reasons you think you think whites are yes you think you've got that
00:14:28
what did you say when me and kalila called you what did you say uh something racist yeah you did what did i say you says we
00:14:35
eat our dogs you do you guys eat dogs no we don't have whites ever been have is there any historical reference of a
00:14:41
white eating a dog no is there something we think okay
00:14:47
no no are there historical references of asians eating dogs yes today this moment
00:14:55
i'm saying in this time period yeah okay so end of story i've seen the videos on youtube have you watched the videos on youtube
00:15:02
um i've seen you've seen it yeah okay well wait in real life yeah yeah no you've seen
00:15:08
no you've i don't want to talk eaten in real life yeah gross done i'm done and you're a bad people that's
00:15:14
exploring and you're bad people explore it and how did you see it it was in my um hut it was in one of her houses
00:15:23
in my house it was in my house it was my dog wait a minute in your village just out
00:15:28
in the street yeah um it was a str stray dog oh well that makes it okay
00:15:34
yeah tell me what happened and then my cousin said that they were going to eat a dog and they
00:15:40
invited me oh it was like a dinner party everybody you get like an invitation in the mail
00:15:46
and evite yeah yeah yeah we'd love for you to join us for dog this evening do you even know what kind it was
00:15:53
no what did you say was it i said no have you did did you ever have
00:15:58
you ever tasted pup no you don't want to you think that's wrong yeah but then people there like if
00:16:04
you voiced your opinion if you were like hey i don't think that's okay to talk did they get mad at you yeah because it seemed normal there so
00:16:10
wow see that's crazy it's a cultural thing but here's the deal we eat cow here all the time
00:16:16
and indians it's sacred so it's disrespectful to the animal so we say it's crazy only because it's
00:16:22
the viewpoint that we have yeah so but when you say though that like asians do it some asians have
00:16:27
lots not here in america though not in america you don't think they bring that with them they bring everything else
00:16:32
they don't bring it like it's like some sort of like dance or something culture yeah that's a cultural thing i mean or
00:16:38
like do you think do you think some people would would come over here and do it over here in secret maybe yeah what yeah it's not out of the
00:16:45
realm of reality why because they just because they fly to a different place it's like well we're just gonna stop
00:16:50
doing what we used to do yeah that's crazy yeah how many cultures did your dad and your mom do and what are your cultural things
00:16:56
that your dad and your mom do that uh was was from korea that they wanted to make sure that they passed
00:17:02
along and they had here there were things that they did right
00:17:08
yeah but we do it here as well that's my point beat their kids you mean yes oh you're
00:17:14
saying americans yeah yeah so they're like crossing crosstalk is there is there nothing indicative of korean culture that your
00:17:20
parents brought over here that we don't do here culturally that they wanted to instill in you guys yeah they're i mean maybe it's the
00:17:25
things around food yeah like what like you know when you go into by the way things around
00:17:31
food dogs food right so the thing we're talking about is the thing that that exists
00:17:36
yeah you would see when you came to my house you we had a normal looking kitchen aside from the fact that
00:17:41
there was like squid and stuff being hanging we have squid dried squid hanging all
00:17:47
over the place what yeah as if it's like mistletoe or something right but instead of kissing under you
00:17:53
that you eat it wait a minute drying it out just dry squishy yeah you just have squid or laying around
00:17:59
what why why is later i don't know why doesn't it just go in a fridge or something i have no idea i never had okay this is my point so to them drying
00:18:05
out a golden retriever is not that big of a deal right and then you would and it was embarrassing like when i had my white friends over right
00:18:11
i would never wanted to open our refrigerator because then you have to explain things uh that yeah right so then they
00:18:16
would open up and they would see you would see like a gigantic orange jug right and they're like what
00:18:23
is that i could say you you hit the jar right and an eyeball with fupa
00:18:30
it's hard to explain no but it's but but see there's cultural things that exist when people come over or you go to like you know what when you
00:18:37
guys eat fish right when we eat fish like my mom and my dad they go right to
00:18:43
eyeballs right they eat the worst part first yeah and they stick in their mouth and it's like it's like yeah i mean you don't do
00:18:49
that no way no no way only torso this episode is sponsored by blue
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bad friends bad friends why are you dressed like this what the [ __ ] is going on here oh dude
00:21:30
yeah you've been served okay this is so dumb you've been served i've been served okay
00:21:37
this is a bit that's why they're wearing suits i don't know yeah it's exactly what it is
00:21:42
you think i'm a dumb dumb yeah i come in here they're wearing raggedy tag [ __ ] suits hey first of all those are expensive
00:21:48
those are joseph a bank suits yeah those were two for eight for eight cents what happened
00:21:55
this is the plaintiff andrew santito he claims his podcast co-star refuses to
00:22:01
come to the show on time even though he promised he would
00:22:07
he's suing for an apology
00:22:15
this is the defendant robert lee [Music] he says the plaintiff is a big ginger
00:22:20
bully who always bosses him around he contends that being late isn't his
00:22:26
fault and it's not a big deal he's accused of being a selfish man baby
00:22:32
[Music]
00:22:38
do not throw these papers away there are official papers that affects your rights okay you may show up to the bad friends of
00:22:44
trial on december 14th you're here legal assistance we have provided you with the best
00:22:49
public defender we could not apologize you got you have a pd right there i
00:22:55
don't need you can i defend myself oh my how offensive you don't want to use the public defender that [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] no i don't really
00:23:01
pay for him i don't care what i have to use them no all right i'm going to keep it myself would you like to be a part of my
00:23:06
council then george two lawyers i've got two lawyers you know what i i i would like an outside
00:23:13
um help i want jules to be my lawyer well she that's judge that's judge judge jewell oh she's the judge oh my god i'll defend
00:23:20
myself yeah i i still don't know what the apology the complaint for an apology facts
00:23:25
the plaintiff states that the following facts are true robert lee is always late which shows a lack of
00:23:31
respect for the plaintiff causing him under i was here on time too undue stress i was young i know but this is from all
00:23:37
the previous times i know so that's right there a fact i'll use that in the case
00:23:42
i will okay soon let's start the honorable uh judge
00:23:49
jewel should we all rise all rise for the honorable judge jules there you go tell us when to sit you
00:23:55
miss it okay thank you thank you the being the meeting can now start oh
00:24:00
great okay thank you and your honor your honor go ahead don't make fun of my lawyer
00:24:08
or a bad start [Laughter] so we're here because my client uh mr
00:24:15
andrew santino the great andrew santino very punctual andrew santino has been constantly
00:24:23
under distress because the defendant here always gets laid
00:24:29
comes late it's always not on time basically and uh we want a
00:24:34
formal apology that's right get off your phone we're in the middle of court yeah i'm i am literally having i have
00:24:41
evidence yes so i'm gathering evidence
00:24:46
so man look at my phone please i mean that's the [ __ ] joke i have evidence on the phone right so
00:24:52
may i look at my phone as long as it's all evidence yeah as long as it's all evidence okay i i
00:24:57
could i'll show you okay and it's coming in okay so go ahead
00:25:03
uh your honor um i'd like to present my first uh my lawyer and i would like to present our first witness it's uh
00:25:10
george kimmel uh no relation to any of the famous kimmels um george would you say
00:25:18
on average uh i am on time to the podcast um i'm uh swarmed
00:25:25
yeah yeah yeah you're under oath you're put your hand on your penis real fast put your hand and put your right hand in your penis
00:25:31
and say i do solemnly swear to tell the truth the holder is not the mother truth fantastic and if you don't so
00:25:39
uh george would you say that i'm i'm not even done with the witness i can't cross my no i'm not done with the witness would
00:25:44
you say that i'm typically on time i would say mr santino is typically five to 15 minutes early
00:25:50
would you say that uh the defendant is not on time usually i would
00:25:56
that's a matter of depending it depends what you mean by on time thank you such a [ __ ] yeah thank you
00:26:03
would you would you say okay you're correct would you would you still call your witness a [ __ ] by the way if i said it to you
00:26:09
oh i i know but i'm the defendant he can't hear us all right i looked over like in court uh would you say that mr kimmel
00:26:16
that bobby um is it comes after the arranged time that we've agreed to start
00:26:22
usually yes yes okay okay and do you think mr kimmel that uh
00:26:28
playing video games uh waiting for uber uh losing your keys or
00:26:35
uh other um reasons like that are uh a good reason to miss
00:26:41
the time well we life happens mr rossende i believe we have all been through a
00:26:48
time where we've been forced my life to be late for something
00:26:53
have you ever uh okay even when you're made across exactly even when he's a witness he's still
00:27:00
taking your side yeah may i cross your exam yeah sure at this point doesn't matter let me ask you
00:27:05
george um before we even started this podcast did andrew santino say that
00:27:13
i'll take charge right i will i'll set everything up don't worry about it bobby
00:27:19
you know i mean just show up show up on time no let me finish just show up on time let's just show up right
00:27:25
you show up on time to ask you this george show up on time can he not interrupt me do you get it
00:27:30
connected to the judge judge can you not interrupt me so i can can i thank you so much
00:27:37
ordering the court don't tell her what to say order in the court right i'll take a cheeseburger fries
00:27:42
didn't andrew say right that before we started bad friends you know way back in the day right he would take care of everything
00:27:49
right and he would set everything up by all the equipment and do all the things right did you not say that objection your honor the lawyer is leading
00:27:56
the witness hell yeah okay what it's leading you're leading okay
00:28:03
let me ask you this okay bobby you may not lead the way
00:28:11
okay bro i hope let me ask you this question we would we would this would be bad i when i show up even late
00:28:18
very very have i showed up on time let me ask you that before yes you were on time today exactly i was
00:28:24
on time today right and as soon as i showed up we ready to go or did we wait about 10-15 minutes
00:28:29
before we started we were ready to go yeah but did we start when did we start though we were ready to go i know but did we
00:28:36
start right when we when we walked in or is there like a 5-10 minute time when you said when he goes or
00:28:41
smokes a cigarette objection that's a real question or do we start right away the cameras are rolling when
00:28:48
you walk in right but do it just when we start which way we're trying to go here when we when we start when do we start do we
00:28:54
start as soon as i walk through that door no we don't we don't don't argue
00:29:00
why are you arguing with the witness all right you can't say that to him okay do not start on time that's always a little we need to warm up
00:29:05
you know it's a comedy podcast we need to warm up a little bit beforehand that's exactly what i'm saying okay and the second question i want to
00:29:11
ask you okay is is that you know my lifestyle correct yeah right
00:29:18
so let me ask you this this question okay if somebody had a um let's say somebody
00:29:24
had a um a day job right they you know they woke up they were a teacher they which you don't seven in the morning which you don't and
00:29:31
and they and they and they and they um they end their work around five or six pm they go home right
00:29:36
right and then if that person was asked to show up on time to their job you wake up right yeah so that's the way
00:29:44
they they live right and they wake up at one in the morning to do another job but
00:29:49
my point being is that my point though being is
00:30:03
what you asked me to do right doesn't literally fit into the time frame of when i'm awake
00:30:09
and when i'm you know i mean it goes against you know i mean mike might the clock in which i live
00:30:14
streamer your a job is to play video games uh witness witness witness objection
00:30:20
your honor this is this is [ __ ] oh okay yes
00:30:26
this is what happens uh for not using a lawyer uh mr lee no i'm still i'm fine i'm fine
00:30:32
i'm completely fine yeah you're crumbling no go ahead attorney go ahead can they make another statement that's her name that attorney can speak
00:30:37
the attorney can you may i speak now though thank you just said no opening no dude that's that way it doesn't
00:30:43
respect the judge i'm not a lawyer i'm representing myself don't i haven't been already represented
00:30:52
don't i have an opening statement that i can have may i have my opening statement no no
00:30:58
you have to listen to the [ __ ] judge oh i don't get my opening statement you've been talking for five minutes that happens at the beginning yeah you
00:31:03
cannot have an opening in the middle all right judge please please dictate who you'd like to talk
00:31:08
attorney can speak now go ahead okay i would like to call another witness i'm i'm calling uh judge rudy
00:31:17
to the stand oh interesting twist okay this is the eminence yeah uh so
00:31:24
rudy uh have you experienced uh
00:31:29
basically lameness sturdiness because of tito bobby not being on time yes
00:31:36
really that did happen like once in a blue moon or this mostly like a daily thing
00:31:42
a daily thing really i have no more questions your honor really all right so dude i got the best
00:31:48
lawyer let me ask you i got the best example let me cross examine all right
00:31:54
all right before we came today right yeah what were you doing
00:32:01
i was sleeping you were sleeping right yeah teenager i know so did i have to wake you up right
00:32:08
to get you ready to come here yeah if i hadn't done that would you have slept through it
00:32:14
i would have waited for the kalila i know but if but you can hit it if auntie delilah
00:32:20
didn't say anything right which she wasn't going to if i didn't and didn't wake you up
00:32:26
right would you have showed up on time would you have slept through it i wouldn't have stepped through it
00:32:31
because i have to go with you i understand that but i had to awaken it so if i hadn't woken you up right
00:32:37
you would have slept through the time maybe yes no no don't leave yes just leave okay
00:32:43
let me let me remind you maybe that uh juju rudy is not uh
00:32:48
accused of anything here that's right and let me ask you another thing all right many times
00:32:56
right i have to wait for you downstairs i do i go i'll meet you downstairs i say that
00:33:02
to you a lot i'll meet you downstairs and you come down right and then you kind of slouch
00:33:07
your shoulders and eventually you end up there right let me ask you that do you think that that kind of behavior
00:33:13
might feed into the reason why that we are late to this podcast no because you always say 15 minutes and
00:33:20
you can come down right but by me saying that though means that i am you know i mean i am aware of the time
00:33:27
right i'm aware that we have we have a destination to go to right right and i'm the one that's always
00:33:33
having to tell you right when when we have to leave when we have to go
00:33:38
right you have no awareness i know what's going on all right all right i have to speak
00:33:45
okay go ahead because i depend on you i'm i'm awake at eight in the morning and we record at
00:33:52
three and you wake up at like 2 50. no i don't you do you do that's working
00:34:00
all right i also like to say something may i say something right this is your closing statement right now
00:34:06
i'll do my photo this is it right now you've got it
00:34:11
when i was i think i was in seventh grade okay
00:34:20
i used to take the school bus to school like most kids i did i know but what the [ __ ] you don't
00:34:27
know relevance no i know i i did this is very relevant let me explain my point okay get it down yeah
00:34:34
so one morning how long was the bus the bus ride was probably 20 minutes long oh the physical bus how big was it it
00:34:40
wasn't a short bus and you're i mean he's making assumptions that i'm [ __ ]
00:34:48
it was a smaller box excuse me it was a smaller box language language but that by him asking me your
00:34:54
honor your honor that he wants to [ __ ] that's disgusting i have some sort of mentally
00:35:01
[ __ ] objection i [ __ ] find that to be a blessing your honor how [ __ ]
00:35:08
terrible you're honorable i am simply arrested i was simply asking you about buses in san diego your honor
00:35:15
i have no idea what they're like down there i'm not privy to san diego business curated me close your statement
00:35:20
i'm gonna finish all right so um one morning i woke up five minutes late
00:35:27
i missed the [ __ ] bus okay so on the car ride my mom had to drive into school on the
00:35:33
car wait this really did happen on the car ride to school right that boss that i missed by five minutes
00:35:39
got in a car an act accident a truck hit it and four kids went to the emergency room
00:35:45
one kid almost died okay and that traumatic um
00:35:51
experience right makes me always like not want to show up exactly on time it's
00:35:57
one of those like um it's it's just a traumatic effect that's affected my my
00:36:03
my daily adult life and it's like everywhere i go i'm always about five or ten minutes
00:36:08
late because i think that i just never really dealt with that you know um with that um experience oh what am what
00:36:15
a manipulative [ __ ] what a your what's a manipulative story what do you it's a story it was really good it was
00:36:21
but it was really good manipulation right so what i'm saying to you right now is that um
00:36:32
is that your closing statement you're done you you have to be done you're dragging your honor you're honest
00:36:53
russia man i'm my [ __ ] closing statement no you already have you don't give you a time limit for closing yes the judge can no she can't say i've
00:36:59
never seen that in any [ __ ] court the [ __ ] show i'm the judge i can say anything [ __ ] man you know what you've yeah
00:37:20
oh
00:37:27
[Laughter] yeah that'll make up for it closing argument
00:37:33
is this um but the times the times that these
00:37:38
podcasts occur right are times where it's very 4 p.m right very convenient for me 4 p.m
00:37:45
audience we shoot this show all right number two that's number two it's 7 00 p.m right now and a traumatic experience growing
00:37:51
up right that um i haven't really dealt with that has caused me to be five or ten minutes
00:37:56
late to every occasion number three i would argue that uh me being late doesn't really have an
00:38:02
effect on on the anybody else but you right it does really have an effect on his life
00:38:08
he's a millionaire because of podcasting right he has five seconds yeah no not
00:38:14
five seconds he makes a lot of money on the road right and this is just all fun and games and it doesn't
00:38:21
affect him right he's a multi-millionaire because of that right and what i'm saying to do what i
00:38:27
want to know and i i believe that this accusation
00:38:34
right it's just a part of his entitlement right to put down a minority a minority
00:38:42
a minority comic right and this is just his way right so let's put that into put that in the books okay do you
00:38:48
have that recorded all right thank you objection your honor i would think we should strike this statement of the
00:38:54
books okay no um
00:38:59
attorney you can give me my closing statement attorney go ahead your honor we have abandoned evidence
00:39:08
that the accused doesn't even want to refute the accusations
00:39:15
you're saying you're delayed [ __ ] talk this is not perry mason [Laughter]
00:39:20
this is real life you cannot come here and just say a bunch of [ __ ]
00:39:26
your honor he is late he's been proven late
00:39:33
45 episodes were recorded he's been on time twice
00:39:40
so life can happen once or twice but not 42 times
00:39:46
yeah so we are my client is entitled to an apology and i'm sure you will find it in your
00:39:53
heart and in your brain your honor that all the you know you can cut through his [ __ ]
00:39:58
and and tell it as it is uh my my client deserves an apology your honor that's our closing statement
00:40:05
your honor also let me just say no you're done all right you made it
00:40:12
the meeting is closed hit it harder hit it shut up okay you're done okay your honor please give us the
00:40:17
judgment okay
00:40:23
i have decided that andrew won the case and andrew deserves an apology
00:40:32
thank you your honor we won we won andres yes yes all right go ahead
00:40:39
when you're ready i'd rather go to prison [Laughter]
00:40:45
your honor your honor if he doesn't apologize what kind of sentence is i'd rather i'll rather go to prison your honor what
00:40:50
kind of sentence can we guarantee that's a death penalty what kind of sentence can we guarantee um if he doesn't
00:40:58
make an apology he has to take out all of the trashes and hide all his
00:41:04
video games hide all the video games no those aren't that's not gonna happen
00:41:09
until and you will tell auntie kalila that that he went and got something when
00:41:15
he wasn't supposed to even if it's not true right yeah good okay
00:41:20
no i'd rather i'd rather suffer those consequences really yeah you're not gonna apologize you lost
00:41:25
the case fair and square i don't care i gave you an attorney we gave you a public defender i refused wow yeah okay okay you sure loser dude
00:41:33
i'm not a sort of loser no no you are because you lost the case fair and square i served you we sued you [Laughter]
00:41:40
[ __ ] you you get the [ __ ] out of your foreign you know
00:41:47
if you call hey i want to see his green card i i i also
00:41:55
want to do run i want to see a [ __ ] green card run babel let me say something man you know
00:42:01
i've i i've been trying babble yeah and i'm trying to learn um russian are you really yeah okay so i'm
00:42:08
learning spanish which is a lot easier it's really hard i don't know why you would take on russia it's it's it's easy to use no it is and
00:42:14
i'm absorbing the information i think it's easy to use but russia is a tough language i went with spanish because
00:42:20
it's everywhere bobby's learning russian because he wants to go back to the old country yeah a lot of people think that you're korean but you're actually russian i am russian
00:42:26
well we're going to get you there at some point it's a language learning method designed to get you speaking a new language within weeks okay 10 to 15 minute lessons it's
00:42:33
a joke if me and this idiot can do it you can do it i promise it's so simple you start with what words and phrases
00:42:39
bob and then but it's also words and phrases that you can that normal people use no it's just like
00:42:44
clinical it's not clinical sentences it's like natural way a natural way that people in that
00:42:51
you know me language it's not uh where is the library you don't you're not going to get uh biblically
00:42:56
it's stuff where are you guys headed today are we having a drink it's it's great phrase actually it's super
00:43:02
useful uh when you read it because you can tell that it's written by someone who's gone these other ones are
00:43:08
so fake no one's gonna want to know uh where the where the bank is like where is the bank they also have like 10 million
00:43:14
subscriptions now so it's so proven people love it yeah 14 different languages spanish french italian german uh the prime ones
00:43:21
and uh look it's incredible it's easy to use if you want to use learn another language uh learn it
00:43:27
with babel speak a language like you always wanted to right now babel is offering our listeners three months for free
00:43:32
with the purchase of a three-month subscription with the promo code bad friends visit babel.com use the promo code bad
00:43:37
friends for your three month subscription that's babel b-a-b-b-e-l.com promo code bad friends babble language for life
00:43:44
headspace you know what life is stressful let me see it's very it's because i've had a lot of stress
00:43:50
the pandy's been a bummer for all of us guys we you know what i've been using huh headspace man yeah that's what i'm i
00:43:55
can i say that because i've been using headspace i know but i've been using it too and it's so it's dude it's so relaxing
00:44:01
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00:44:06
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00:44:12
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00:44:24
three minutes long and it really does get you right in that no it does i used to i used to eat about
00:44:29
30 melatonin pills to fall asleep at night or have those z-coils and and now i'm still doing a few but also
00:44:35
headspace has a wind-down session which lets you uh get to sleep and i gotta tell you it works extremely well
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00:45:16
i want to tell you something i'm a little i was concerned about when i brought the pup in go ahead when we take do you guys have
00:45:22
this with your dogs when you take them on road trips do you know about anal secretions yeah i get them all the time
00:45:27
no the dog
00:45:32
she will you'll we'll be sitting in the car going on like a long drive yeah and then all of a sudden you'll be like
00:45:40
yeah yeah julio does that we have a dog named julia that does that we and the puppy does it too we took her we
00:45:46
took her into the vet because we were like hey man she's like it's the foulest it's the foulest smelling [ __ ] on earth it
00:45:52
doesn't smell like poop it smells like you know what it smells like [ __ ] dirty vagina oh yeah yeah it
00:45:58
smells like dirty vagina yeah it does [Laughter]
00:46:04
but when she does it she's done it on my shirts and ruined shirts because it's when she's anxious when she's like like this when there's a lot
00:46:10
of action she gets a little bit like what's going on so i was afraid i was gonna get some secret on the shirt
00:46:16
julio does it yeah i just can't believe that like the traumatic experience i had as a kid
00:46:22
on the bus didn't sway the [ __ ] can i can i tell you something yeah because that really did happen it was
00:46:28
really good though that was an incredible defense that was really good it didn't help but it was good but why wouldn't
00:46:34
that help because you called her a [ __ ] oh that's right that's right you can't call the judge a [ __ ]
00:46:40
like that's like rule number one don't call the judge and don't make fun of the judge have you ever seen those videos of people and court being [ __ ] at
00:46:46
judges and the judge is like yeah i was just gonna give you like two years but now it's like six like are you
00:46:51
dumb yeah i'm the one that doles out the thing yeah you're right yeah you're done for with that dude yeah
00:46:57
you can't do that stuff you got to be sweet to the judge yeah but i have to say that um i know that
00:47:02
was all you know for fun it was not that's a real lawsuit pal all right pal but um i have to say that
00:47:09
um you'll never get an apology from me you did already on an episode you did
00:47:14
already say i'm sorry we went through this already we've already done this did it really yeah we've already done this well you
00:47:20
get one you're such a turd i'm not that's not true you apologized the other day via
00:47:26
text over some something you said sorry what was it i'm not going to talk about it but you said sorry what the apology was you said okay i'm
00:47:32
sorry you said i'm sorry and we will i'll go back yeah you can look it up yeah let me look it up and if it's too sensitive because i feel like it's a
00:47:38
sensitive is that a sensitive thing i mean i don't think you should talk about it live on air i won't but let's go to your thing but
00:47:43
you said okay sorry and you know what it was about it's oh yeah sorry hey not gonna oh yeah yeah i know what it is yeah i
00:47:49
just think that between you and i there's the utmost trust
00:47:54
okay okay i'm not even gonna i'm not i would like it i'm not even here okay for that for what you serve me
00:48:01
papers and we'll go over it i will serve me papers i will and we'll go over here i'll get an apology no
00:48:06
serve me papers all right serve me papers [ __ ] go through the right channels i'm going
00:48:12
to say this right you have a lot of nerve you [ __ ] roly-poly you have so many
00:48:17
names okay yeah because i have a lot you've got a lot of nerve you have a lot of nerve you garbage human
00:48:23
[Laughter] you're a garbage human right you have a lot of anger
00:48:29
and a lot of resentment and it's ugly cool normal face jacket and north face beanie you [ __ ]
00:48:35
loser from 20 years ago oh why this is not in fashion it hasn't been for 20 years you [ __ ] loser
00:48:42
what are you an rei [ __ ] catalog grow up dork yeah are you a surfer
00:48:49
with your [ __ ] you know what i mean loose [ __ ] sweatshirt and your little [ __ ] ocean symbol on
00:48:55
your [ __ ] you've never served a day in your life you piece of [ __ ] what does this have to do with surfing right it's just the uh it's the beach
00:49:01
bum it looks like a surfer shirt surfers don't wear shirts in the water you [ __ ] idiot yeah but you're
00:49:07
if you're gonna wear a puffy jacket that should have sleeves you look like you're in a [ __ ] surf cabana
00:49:13
loser just wear
00:49:19
[ __ ] because if they look at this albino piece of [ __ ] at the [ __ ] beach thinking that he could serve no get the
00:49:24
[ __ ] go to the snow yeah i would right and you know what i'd wear a north face coat that had sleeves
00:49:29
on it you [ __ ] idiot incomplete coat an incomplete coat that's what you're wearing this is a
00:49:35
very beautiful attire a vest what a dumb idea get a coat all right we're done we're done with
00:49:41
what done with what bad all right i'm done with that yeah but we're not doing
00:49:48
i'll tell you this there are no more apologies in this house if you want an apology for me you can
00:49:53
serve me papers no no let's be real i'm not gonna serve you papers okay okay
00:49:58
okay i'm not gonna ever do this because it's ridiculous all right no it was official but resentful
00:50:03
and you didn't obey the judge's rules that's what's annoying the judge made a judgment call you
00:50:09
stepped into the courtroom what the judge doesn't realize is the judge lives with me right and what the judge doesn't realize
00:50:15
is that there are real life consequences yeah oh there are oh there are because
00:50:20
let me say this like what what are you gonna do she knows she has to smell things
00:50:28
can you imagine smell things the power that uh the judge has with her aunt over you the judge's court is way deeper than
00:50:35
your [ __ ] yeah that's right think deeply about that do something goof bally with her i
00:50:42
wish you you wouldn't have done this either because um you know this has been a very depressing week for me why
00:50:47
i just been really depressed well tell me why there's a lot of elements okay let's put away the jokes and put
00:50:52
away the joke the elements and and it's like then let's be serious difficult week okay let's be serious down you know me and depressed what
00:50:59
happened just like almost borderline suicidal and then i come into this podcast no i'm just being real right okay it's
00:51:06
the light of the end at the end of the tunnel yeah i get to see my body yeah and then you serve me papers
00:51:13
i'm being real dude it like it's like oh this week it's worse than i thought it was going to be you're so dramatic
00:51:20
no i'm not being dramatic it's it's been such you've asked my therapist yesterday take time out yeah check it take a time
00:51:26
out so what i'm saying is take your time out real fast let me just finish my point do you know what those are what these are cameras
00:51:32
yeah this is a comedy show it's fake i understand the papers are fake it doesn't matter the j you know that's not a judge you know
00:51:37
that's that's just rudy jules yeah this isn't real i understand you know that this isn't real do you know that
00:51:43
george isn't a star witness do you know that andreas not only doesn't have his his law degree
00:51:49
he's not even a [ __ ] citizen in the u.s they're gonna [ __ ] us if you joke around about that they're gonna find out
00:51:54
they're gonna come and they're gonna deport him do you realize that okay because he's not even legally supposed to be here let me tell you something go ahead
00:52:00
when you're on a scene when you're in a you know you you're a tv show guy right right you're an
00:52:07
outdoor yes right you get what you're right yeah you're and it's all fun and games when you're acting in a scene yes and sometimes
00:52:14
there's improvised moments yeah i was in an improvised scene in a movie once right and the co-star or the guy was doing the
00:52:20
scene with goes and he improvised something he goes yeah that's right fatty oh and that hurts right right and you laugh you go
00:52:27
that was a good one right and then you get the [ __ ] van you get in the van and they drive you to your car yeah
00:52:33
right and you're just fatty it hit home yeah because you took a piece of reality yeah
00:52:38
it no into it it still hurts because it was it's even if the even though it's fun
00:52:43
and games even though it's fake it's even though it's fake it was real a little bit of true to truth okay right little kernels of truth
00:52:50
okay so i'm just letting you know playing a victim i'm not playing a victim you are i had a really bad week i'm saying to
00:52:56
you as a friend we're done with the comedy [ __ ] right now yeah all the jokes are done that was all fake this was all for fun
00:53:01
okay this is all a joke tell me why you had a bad week i didn't
00:53:08
i didn't have a bad week it's been a great week go [ __ ] yourselves that's what i'm
00:53:15
saying that was great you're dealing with something above you man you're above me yeah you're killing with
00:53:20
something more twisted in what way in every way my friend how are you above me i'm kidding yeah yeah you're [ __ ] right you are doing
00:53:26
it again you're [ __ ] right you are doing it you're not above [ __ ] right you're not above [ __ ] you lean back
00:53:32
i'm above you pocahontas take a [ __ ] walk all right take ten thousand steps a day
00:53:39
you're not the fawns you want to be the fan so bad yeah yeah you're not that guy i am the fine i know
00:53:46
you're not of this show you're joni and who are you right chachi yeah [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:53:53
cha-chi dude and i'm [ __ ] joanie you know who you are what in small wonder
00:53:59
oh here we go here we go it has to be a small one go ahead i'm
00:54:05
the small one [ __ ] you you're the little girl yeah yeah no no you're facts of life oh who am i in the
00:54:12
corki facts of life hey yeah you know
00:54:19
who's the there was a girl on facts of life can i say something by the way yeah before we get into facts of life what
00:54:25
all this stuff yeah i love you guys [ __ ] you i love you
00:54:31
it's so dumb dude i love you i'm not buying it i love you yeah yeah what do you do this is the happiest part
00:54:36
of my day oh god here we go no it really is you know what i said on the set of dave
00:54:42
i said they said are you what are you what are you doing on your day off i said i'm i'm working what are you organizing i'm
00:54:47
shooting i'm doing bad friends and they go what is it yeah they said what is that i said it's a podcast and
00:54:52
then two of the crew guys were like we love it we listened to it i said oh yeah yeah and then and then i said it's it's my favorite thing to do it's more
00:54:58
fun than any tv job i've ever had it's more fun than any job i've ever had because i tell you what happened to me yeah i mean that's hawaii this is my
00:55:06
favorite thing on earth when i was in hawaii yeah because i don't you didn't text me
00:55:11
but um a lot of friends did because last saturday was my a birthday time out real quick yeah
00:55:16
i called you in hawaii we facetimed i know i'm just saying that this saturday oh for your anniversary it was my a
00:55:22
anniversary so what do you mean hawaii you weren't in hawaii this saturday no but i'm going to tell you what happened before hawaii that relates to
00:55:28
that but i'm just saying saturday okay well don't bury me on [ __ ] that isn't real i did i called you the whole time when you're in hawaii but no
00:55:33
no i know it's like you know okay so i didn't call you on your on you're on your own birthday if i if it's my birthday and
00:55:39
you called me i call you two months later it doesn't matter you should call me on my birthday i call you on your birthday every year what are you talking about
00:55:45
we celebrate i'm done i'm not let me finish my [ __ ] thing right fine i didn't do your aaa birthday i missed it go ahead your aaa
00:55:51
uh yeah whatever it's just it's a non-event for you it's an anniversary yeah has to do with my life but anyway
00:55:58
um don't roll your eyes it's so dope when you roll your eyes you roll it all over the [ __ ] place i love it
00:56:04
it's silly like a silly billy so um you really are a silly billy but um so
00:56:10
when i was on set a crew member like he had tattoos on his neck and you know into his wrist was he
00:56:17
uh a local hawaiian guy yeah but he was um half asian looking so half cool half asian
00:56:24
okay so um that's so dumb but um really play on words very good but um
00:56:31
stumbling no get it out so he goes i'm gonna get it out right tattoos on he says hey man uh
00:56:37
here you go and he had a box like one of those like it was almost as if there was gonna be a ring in it
00:56:44
and i lifted it and there was a golden one year anniversary
00:56:50
congratulations you know what i mean sobriety sobriety and i took it i go i don't even know you
00:56:57
man he goes yeah but i listen to bad friends and stuff and i know that it was your um
00:57:02
your birthday is coming up and i wanted to give you that because it you know i'm sober too and um really
00:57:07
inspire me you know and i looked at him and i go you know it's so funny even the guy that i do with bad friends
00:57:15
with would never do this it wouldn't even cross his mind because he's such a
00:57:21
self-serving selfish kind of a guy not be real i just said to him do yourself check
00:57:26
yourself i know that about you i know you're the fun-loving guy on the thing and i go i know i'm the fun like the loving guy on the
00:57:31
thing i know i'm the i'm the bride the joy right i'm the joy of the show right and i go i'm the one that like
00:57:38
gives people the the warm feelings all right and he gives the cold pricklys and so i looked i
00:57:44
i grabbed the thing right and i stuck it right in my [ __ ] front pocket and i gave the guy like a little you know coveted hug you know i mean a
00:57:50
little yes he had his mask on and whatnot yeah and go thank you for doing something that andrew would never do
00:57:56
and uh we departed and that's what i love about human beings let me tell you something what i love about human beings when i was in denver comedy works i was at uh yeah
00:58:03
it's a true story it's a hundred true story i was moved to tears because a man who says he suffers
00:58:08
from mental health issues because i've spoken very honestly about my mental health issues i've said it openly i have depression i
00:58:13
have anxiety i suffer from it severely and i've gotten help over the years and it's been very hard i've connected with my fans and i've said
00:58:19
my truth about it and it's very hard for me and a man came up to me and he was a veteran a veteran for this
00:58:24
country fought for this country okay not a tattoo neck crew guy from a [ __ ] movie shoot this is a veteran who fought for this [ __ ] country for
00:58:30
the freedoms of this country okay yeah and this guy gave me his patch his patch
00:58:36
uh he gave me a patch off his [ __ ] jacket no a patch no a patch that was awarded to him from the military u.s [ __ ] military okay
00:58:43
piece of [ __ ] a patch that he gave to me and he said this meant so much to me to get this and i want to give it to you because
00:58:48
you've meant so much to me and that's a reflection of how i feel can i finish my [ __ ] story not a
00:58:54
patch but go ahead uh everyone gets a patch no go ahead not this not this patch that i have in my
00:58:59
home not this not everyone gets this pass every boy scout gets a little patch and let me tell you something oh your defendants are you're comparing the boy
00:59:04
scouts to the us military that's smart um smart move and uh and what he said to
00:59:10
me was this means a lot to me and i said oh thank you and he said and you mean a lot to me and what you've done for me
00:59:15
has helped and i said i appreciate that and he said uh particularly what you do um you know with bobby i think the show
00:59:22
is really great and i said oh thank you so much and he said i want you to take this patch and remember me every time you do
00:59:28
the show think about think about me and just remember that i would have killed that
00:59:35
[Laughter] when i was over there and i gave him a big hug and he kept walking
00:59:41
and i'll never i'll never forget that the korean war huh korean war yeah yeah it was green more
00:59:46
vet and that's what he said those are not my words he said that you know that you know the americans were in cahoots with south
00:59:53
korea right so they were working together yeah but he's fighting the north he just knew you who you he just knows how what kind of he made an assumption
00:59:59
that i was north uh-huh that sort of didn't happen i think by the way you look more than anything else
01:00:05
and by the way that story did happen that's where it didn't happen and the medal that i got from the guy did happen this story is real okay this
01:00:11
is a real thing yeah okay what he said at the end and i i have a story after that
01:00:16
right i'm bummed that my grandfather didn't kill that guy
01:00:21
yeah well he was too weak he probably would have never got it done there's hostility no there's none at all
01:00:28
in fact this is a very fun episode ellen degeneres got covered i know she did but i sat down the car today
01:00:34
i was with the girls getting christmas trees um which is something that jules the judge
01:00:40
you know i mean didn't really remember judge jules did you guys get a real tree yeah how many four hundred dollars a
01:00:46
[ __ ] a tree but why do you say it's so negative i'm just saying that you would think that when you do good things to the
01:00:53
people that you love that's in your house that they would defend you in a court situation
01:00:58
okay okay let me let me make a side note that story i told was 96 percent true what was false about it
01:01:06
i'll leave it up the audience they said he wouldn't kill me i don't know what he said yeah that's what it is anyway um
01:01:12
uh he was a great man that gave me a patch off his jacket and uh uh so anyway to today wait two two real
01:01:17
trees yeah when we find out that uh um we got a fakie covet got coveted got ellen ellington covent
01:01:24
no i thought that doesn't surprise me why why do you say that
01:01:31
she just seems like she would have like you know these social distancing gatherings that
01:01:36
are like she's still having parties yeah yeah you mean like every hollywood person is doing yeah some of them
01:01:42
are you know i mean and like some of them aren't you know i mean i feel like some you mean are um isolating
01:01:49
yeah but here's it's a reflection of what people are doing in america a lot of people you mean are still going to you know i
01:01:55
mean shin digs and and gatherings and some people aren't right yeah but i mean she seems like somebody
01:02:00
that would oh you think so yeah she claims she does she has no idea how she got it yeah that's what they say i
01:02:05
mean i you know i was supposed to do a movie yesterday right you can't go because what he got can't
01:02:11
covet cancelled yeah wait who oh dermer you know durmer direct is directing this movie everybody shout out
01:02:17
to everybody brandon dermer and um i was supposed to do he wrote me a scene in it yeah and um i was about to drive over
01:02:23
there and he calls me late wednesday night and he goes somebody tells you
01:02:29
lead actress's sister that who they live together scott covet and i can't you know yeah that's great but
01:02:35
at least they're doing testing yeah i didn't get to do his movie you'll get to do it they'll pick it back up no
01:02:42
no no they're not done what do you mean it's never you got somebody else like that's in the bubble to do it
01:02:48
oh right they don't want to bring you into this thing oh my god do you think there's going to be a movie or a tv show that shot with all actors
01:02:54
that have covered what if they would have been like an all-covered cast that had it or have it
01:03:00
at the same time both whatever if you're like [ __ ] it let's just do an all cove let's just cast people that have had it or have it right now
01:03:05
[Laughter] you should the whole crew should have it everyone should have it and then you're like well we're doing an all covered
01:03:11
movie they should do an all hiv movie then they did philadelphia yeah but they didn't actually have it
01:03:17
tom got it tom hank scott oh he did it yeah he got it for the role yep oh he's doing that died that guy commits
01:03:23
yeah he's so good speaking of which tom hanks was the first guy that got covered when this remember that he was like the first
01:03:28
oh you know how shocking that remember we were like he's gonna die we didn't know much about it so annoyed
01:03:34
[ __ ] hank yeah and then i remember mikhail arteta got it he's a coach anyway um no i know i know who that is
01:03:41
yeah i know who that is he got it and he lived can we answer answer the phone no but my my mom her text is she texts me every
01:03:49
day and it's like i don't know what the [ __ ] to say what does she say
01:03:54
sorry i'm a little late i watched davinci code good night love mom wait did you have a
01:04:01
conversation plan and she just bailed oh she's saying sorry i'm late texting you she texts me every time
01:04:06
right at around six yeah right and she goes i'm a little late and a lot
01:04:12
of this is like it rained today just enough to cover the ground love you good night two dreams and i
01:04:19
never know how to respond i'm like i love you too mom that's sweet i know but every every single one today
01:04:25
partly cloudy cloudy christmas hey hey say crowded please okay today partly cloudy currently
01:04:32
the high temperature was forecast as 81 degrees the very good weather for me to go
01:04:37
outside where does she live arizona but what part phoenix i thought she was in northern arizona
01:04:43
no i mean this the watering today the watering day oh the watering day
01:04:50
maybe this is the only day to go outside freely and enjoy it love you my son i miss you
01:04:55
i mean they're that's so sweet but they don't make any sense do you have a text chain with your brother and your mom no you don't have any of those no whoa
01:05:03
what is that about you don't have any communication with your brother and your mom at the same time
01:05:08
you don't have like a i haven't talked to my mom in a year you just she just texted you now we text
01:05:13
only no phone call we haven't talked since the bts oh since the since the bts
01:05:20
since the bts problem yeah why i don't know we text every day you do
01:05:26
know was it embarrassing for her like did it put her in a place where she felt like i'm
01:05:31
i'm i'm embarrassed and mad i i think partly it's i think that her bts obsession has
01:05:37
even gone further down the road where she's like doing some creepy [ __ ] like she has cutouts and stuff and she's kissing them
01:05:43
and dating them yeah maybe yeah i mean so what i'm saying is that i think she doesn't want to
01:05:48
talk about it so she doesn't call and i don't call why don't you call and just break that ice because she texts me every day
01:05:56
yeah i know but call her and say like we should start having conversations instead of just these weird texts about the watering outside
01:06:02
i know let's call her right now no i love you call her right he's sleeping just call her you're texting her right
01:06:07
now no i'm this is from a couple hours ago she's she's sleeping just call her i love you hey look at me
01:06:13
yeah call her right now and just go i just called to tell you i don't want to do it right now i'll do next episode say hi call to tell you all about next we'll do neck episodes well for the
01:06:19
fans that want to know we are planning a trip in the new year that that'll be great so once once we get a vax to bobo's mom
01:06:26
we're doing a road trip out uh to phoenix does judge judge rudy get to come or no i don't
01:06:32
know [Laughter] can i show you can i list right so my brother and i and and and
01:06:39
so kalila almost broke up with me last night shut up i'm being real no this is annoying because now you've been [ __ ]
01:06:45
around all day with this stuff so what do you mean you've made a ton of jokes about [ __ ] i'm depressed with tough week
01:06:53
what did she is this real yeah she really tried to break up with her she was really upset last night
01:06:58
what did you do so downstairs um when i played war zone at one in the morning did you hear it last night no
01:07:04
i went crazy you turned on the was that you weren't no so my brother and i and my friend um dylan who's a drummer
01:07:12
who's very talented 18 no 19 30s and dylan my he's in the band
01:07:18
maangchi with my brother right your brother's band your mother's band okay so
01:07:23
um so we're playing war zone and we were at the the last circle
01:07:30
sure okay so there's five people left on the board okay don't do this no i know this i'm
01:07:36
listening just go i am i just talk slow okay no no i know but you're like saying like even the listeners might not know so just you're
01:07:42
in the last stage with dylan yeah so dylan and you know dylan's now down he's dead and
01:07:47
it's between my brother and i and another guy and my brother every time right when he's in that situation he
01:07:54
does something like he'll shoot at a cloud you mean or he'll go you know he'll face the
01:08:01
opposite direction and the guy will shoot him in the back or my brother will do something because he can't handle the pressure
01:08:06
he gets nervous under pressure yeah he goes but he always says bob where are you that's the main thing
01:08:13
where are they where are they right he doesn't know right isn't it show you on the map where they are yeah but he doesn't know right
01:08:19
but this last night he did something you know i mean that was like miraculous what he goes i go oh it's
01:08:25
steve um it's between us and another guy but in thinking in my head he's gonna die my brother and i'm gonna
01:08:32
have to [ __ ] finish this guy off totally right so i go i see my brother
01:08:38
you mean you know oh what going on right right and i see this guy come from a tree with
01:08:44
his gun and my brother just goes and downs them we win no yeah and so then we have it
01:08:51
recorded if you want to hear it the last 10 seconds of it i absolutely want to hear it so okay so um
01:08:57
by the way by the way by the way yeah uh uh uh side note um can the other guy hear you guys
01:09:05
what other guy when you're like when you're like when you're like oh there's one guy left can he hear you guys talking [ __ ]
01:09:10
you mean the other guy that we're killing yeah no okay so he he right so i'm gonna fast forward
01:09:16
this to the end put it up to the mic we're dylan i'm
01:09:32
yes
01:09:45
i triumphed i didn't fail
01:09:58
upstairs 1am yeah right just absorbing these screams
01:10:05
right i get it that's annoying it's annoying yeah so i go up there and i'm like yeah i always go about when i
01:10:12
we win i always come up with a smile on my face right you're gonna be like
01:10:18
right and she's so immediately like she's in bed by the way yeah so immediately my joy yeah i mean
01:10:26
because she doesn't really understand you know she doesn't understand that a 49 year old is celebrating and whenever one in the morning i think she gets it
01:10:32
it has no it has to do with it has to do with like my brother stepping up and growing look as your friend i think
01:10:37
that's an incredible moment relationship wise relationship rise it's terrible it's annoying she's right right it's 1am
01:10:43
right so you know i mean it was a feeling of complete joy and freedom and being proud punished
01:10:51
right and then all of a sudden being punished for feeling that and then what was you but but did you not say i'm sorry
01:10:57
we were just having a good time it was me and steve and she was no i mean you have to say stuff stuff like um well i guess the
01:11:04
next time i play i won't say nothing yeah i mean you tried that you know i mean i said
01:11:09
it's you say that she goes you say that you keep doing well i'll just be more mindful
01:11:15
about you know i mean my vocal range did she say she would end the relationship because of it and she goes i mean she goes if this
01:11:21
continues i can't do it anymore it's that type of thing really yeah that's serious it's pretty serious well
01:11:26
can i offer a suggestion stop playing no of course you're not going to stop playing thank you that's insane
01:11:32
no way that's insane can i offer a suggestion sound proof the room yeah george it's
01:11:39
the podcast room how come you haven't soundproofed it yet wait a minute wait a minute time out get in here george george get in here
01:11:46
get in here right now no
01:11:51
george are you trying to tell me stand over there so we can yell at you on camera or sit down so we can yell you on camera
01:11:57
yeah are you trying to tell me that he's doing the game out of the pod room and it's not probably a quick to
01:12:02
equipped to be soundproof so he can play video games in their after hours is that what i'm hearing oh i've never uh heard a request to have
01:12:09
a sound proof no no no no no no no no no that's that's not what's happening here you don't need an attorney
01:12:16
these are assumptions that you should have already what i'm hearing is bobby's relationship is getting no
01:12:23
there's cracks in the concrete and it sounds like you're the you're the construction worker that should be fixing them
01:12:29
no bobby when you broke your own screen who bought you a new one that's not the point you see him pointing his finger at you real
01:12:35
aggressive let me ask you a different question let me ask you a different question george okay um cubs isn't isn't um
01:12:43
like tiger belly and bad friends your two biggest podcasts that you produce yes
01:12:51
do you make money from those two things yes it sure does now do you think that if kaleila broke up with me
01:12:57
um right um that we would have to we would continue tiger belly i don't think so and i think that i would be so depressed
01:13:02
he couldn't do that can't do this show so um where would that leave you financially
01:13:08
i'm gonna buy i'm booking a uh are you uh
01:13:15
i mean be real i mean think about i am brown you're right so this is this is straight up an emotionally abusive
01:13:20
relationship yeah and i'm here for it yeah i love it so soundproof the room that way george
01:13:26
we don't have to have bobby getting in trouble for things that he shouldn't be getting in trouble for because to be quite frank with you this
01:13:32
falls on you pal this falls on you pal i mean you may leave i'm sorry i want to see what i want to
01:13:39
say so mean to our listeners though too george you're the best can i see something from my listeners what you know a lot of listeners i know that
01:13:46
they think that i'm a man baby which is true and um i know they they do they say all the time you're a
01:13:51
baby and you're a little you're 49 and this is you know i mean and they accuse me of like you know i mean um
01:13:57
just behavior behaving badly and saying but this is the reason why this works look they know it's a comedy
01:14:04
show i know but some people don't they they literally think grow up and all that stuff and i want to tell those people i will not i will not change
01:14:10
yeah it's a comedy show right and i'm going to do what i'm going to do we're going to continue to be fun working right so go [ __ ] yourself yeah this show
01:14:16
is fun because we uh love to poke fun at all this stuff uh people aren't taking it serious and if
01:14:21
they are [ __ ] not my pride no that's
01:14:30
no honestly that's rude i don't give a [ __ ] that's so rude so rude that you wouldn't even come up with that [ __ ] i didn't my
01:14:37
attorney did you [ __ ] your attorney i didn't have a choice and he's not gonna be returning at all he's going to be in spain in a week
01:14:42
but you know what uh i wasn't going to call you out on this but i'm thinking i'm going to throw you under the bus
01:14:47
i caught her eating a booger today when i [Laughter]
01:14:53
oh boy yeah oh boy and i wasn't gonna say anything and and i looked at you and go okay i
01:14:59
get what you were doing there was no chips there were no chips in my mouth there was no chips no chips
01:15:05
there's no chips yeah what kind of chips hold on what kind of chips yeah potato chips yeah sure but what
01:15:10
brand i forgot yeah yeah chips huh chips chips chips you don't remember what chips you
01:15:15
ate yeah i remember every chip i've ever eaten they were like chips like salty but you know not chips
01:15:20
they were air chips [Laughter]
01:15:26
[Music]
01:15:37
me shut the [ __ ] up i'm being real rudy don't listen to him
01:15:42
such a piece of [ __ ] you're such a [ __ ] intimidated mean person right you're so mean that's right right right
01:15:48
now i'm just saying right now there are no consequences but you broke my heart you broke my [ __ ] heart that you were
01:15:54
side with him okay right yeah
01:16:07
[Music]
