00:00:00
Hey. Hey everybody. We got new merch and these I mean this is this was a traumatic day in my life.
00:00:05
Yeah. When I fell over and I was bullied a little bit online but um from Andrew but
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you know No, I didn't. But this is Yeah. You laughed like a hyena. But let me say something. We we
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have it on a shirt now and we have it on a long sleeve, on a short sleeve like that and on this
00:00:21
hoodie which we absolutely love. So go to badfriend.com to grab it. Badfriends
00:00:26
merch.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A
00:00:31
white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
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You two are something. We're bad friends. [Music]
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Dear Lord, thank you for the familiars.
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Thank you for the meal on my plate. I'm grateful to you.
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Thank you native for all of the land
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we gave you. Casino cut off your hands.
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Sorry about the small pox. The things that we gave you.
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The blanket was nice, but it fooled with disease.
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[Laughter] Sorry. Sorry natives.
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Whoops are bad. Yeah, that's Thanksgiving.
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Sorry natives. Whoopsie. Are bad.
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We really did a lot of damage and we named our sports teams after your leaders.
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Love Dances with Wolves. I love Last of Moheakans,
00:01:50
my favorite movies of all time. and Minnotonka shoes.
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Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen to that. Amen to that. Yeah. Uh we love them.
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You know, I you know, I um I've collaborated with some natives in my life. I really
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Yeah, you did great on that. I really enjoy I really enjoy um the people and the culture and um we want to
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say um thank you. We do love all of our native fans. We do have a lot of native fans. We love Mong. I know that's not native,
00:02:22
but Mong is not native, but I I understand that, but we do love them. We love the M people. Yeah, the M people. They're mountain
00:02:29
people. We love There isn't a group of people we don't like. Yeah. One.
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I What? You say first count of three. No, we really Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let me think of the
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thing. What group of people don't we like? On the count of three. One, two, three. Eskimos. Oh,
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what? What? What did you say? What did you say? Jerks. Oh, jerks. Jerks. I said Eskimos.
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Oh, wow. Why don't you like Eskimos? They're snowballs. They hurt so bad because you know what
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they do is they they huck them. No, no, they they make it and then they overnight it freezes into an ice ball.
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Oh yeah. And they really It's very There he is. Come on. Look at how cute that guy is. They're the best. Oh, that's a girl. I can't even tell.
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Yeah. Yeah. See, Eskimos, they were ahead of the trend. Yeah. That's a gender. That is a fluid person.
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That's a fluid. Yeah. I don't know who that is. Look at that nose. They love to kiss with the nose. Eskimo kisses.
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Yeah. You want to do an ask kiss?
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[Laughter] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. No. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Yeah. I mean, how do they tongue? I mean, and that's it, right?
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Mhm. There's no way to get more, you know, cuz when you're kissing, right, you can some, you know, you do closed mouth in
00:03:42
the beginning. You kind of figure out what their style is and then you dart in the tongue and sometimes you do, you
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know what I mean? like washing machine dart in. Well, it's like wrestling. You got to find a way. You can't
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Yeah. How's that working out? That technique. It works. It's pretty good.
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Probably 10,000 times I've done it, right? Most of them have. But with with Eskimo, how do you get more,
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you know, mean intimate with it? Well, they have sex, bud. I'm just the kissing style.
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Oh, brother. I don't think Eskimo actually Maybe they they blow Maybe they blow snot into the other hole.
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That's actually smart. Yeah. Yeah, it could be. I just saw Predator Badlands,
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dude. That movie, dude, last night. What a movie. So good. So good. But the movie is cuz you you
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never watch you never watch the movies I recommend. Like you never saw Weapons. I couldn't. Why?
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No, I wasn't allowed. Yeah. Yeah. It's rated R. Yeah. But um you're not allowed to. Would you have you What What Predator
00:04:44
movies have you seen? The original. That's the only one. That's the the best one. Did you see Prey? No.
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Prey. Incredible. Same director. I've only seen the original. You got to watch Prey. You got to watch this.
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It's incredible. You saw it? Yeah. Incredible. Right. So funny. What do you think it's about? Tell me. Predator Badland.
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Yeah. Yeah. Well, give me a photo. Give me an image and I I can tell you a story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very easy. You're very good at this, by the way.
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This is probably one of my best qualities. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go to Yeah, that one. That photo.
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Oh, it's about immigration. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is all about immigration. Yeah. But it's the reverse,
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right? Yeah. I mean, because in this time, America is going real bad and Mexico's
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thriving, right? So, they are which one is the Mexican?
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Fancy. Watch it. Fancy. Watch it, pal. Yeah. And um right there, you know where
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they are? El Paso right there. That's El Paso. Yeah. And they're trying to get into Warz, right? You're right. So he to make it
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easier, he slices her in half. No, it just rips her body off. Yeah. Yeah. In half, right? Well, cuz that's probably easier to get her across.
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Yeah. And her name is Karen for some reason. Yeah. Why? I don't know why, but her name is Karen.
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And she's like, "You know what? Um, hey, Raul or Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever your
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name is." This is one of her lines. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, "Dude, I'm not like climbing any
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fences, okay? I'm not going to go in any body of water. Find a way." Is that El Manning?
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Yeah, she's great at it. This girl is so [ __ ] good. She's so good. She's good in everything now. Yeah. Yeah.
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It's almost like her career has flourished the most the last like five years. Complete unknown. She was killed in
00:06:25
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And who And who's the actor playing the Predator? Um is that Jacob Allerty again?
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No, he's I've never seen him before, but he's very good at it. This is the problem. Look at that. Look, Zoom in. Look at how handsome this guy
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is. Then they put him in that mask, right? So, you don't even get to see how handsome he is. Yeah. So, pick an ugly guy for that. This is
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my problem with Hollywood. Just let a nogo do that. You can't give that to us. It's in a mask.
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Well, you have to have the body. What? No, you don't. What do you mean? It's just a [ __ ] suit.
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No, he's not wearing a I mean, he's wearing like probably latex stuff on his arms. You're telling me that's a Let me see
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the full body. You can see the armor behind him. Can I give you the premise or No. Oh, it's not about immigration, I guess.
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Is that was wrong? Yeah. Yeah, I think you're a little wrong. I think the premise of this is um
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Predator. Okay, be real. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. So, Predator is um there's a new regime
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taking over and he is against it. He's like the renegade and she is he falls in
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love with her and he he's trying to protect her because they're going to kill they're going to kill her cuz she's white.
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They're killing off all the Kairens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The killing of the Kairens. And he loves her and he says the only way for this to
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work is if I cut you in half, I'll reassemble you later. Yeah, because they need to think you're dead.
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And now they're on the run. He's reassembled her and they're and they're on the run from the regime.
00:07:50
Pretty close. Am I close? Nope. All right. What is it? What is it? Well, Should I be real about it? I don't
00:07:56
want to give any spoilers away. Well, you don't have to spoil it when you give the premise of the movie. I'll give you the premise of the movie. Okay.
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So, he's you know, here's what I like about the movie, right? You never get insight in terms of the culture of
00:08:10
whoever the Predators are, right? Am I Do you see the movie? I haven't seen it. You're talking like
00:08:15
the original Predator, right? You just It's just some alien who can camouflage. You know what I mean?
00:08:21
Cool weapons and they're difficult to kill. I mean, that's pretty much all the Predator movies. And now in this you
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see, you know, the family dynamics uh of of the Predator family
00:08:32
of the Predator family and and it's very North Korean I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is he the young Is that young Predator?
00:08:38
Like is he the baby of the family? He's the baby of the family and because he's smaller than all his brothers,
00:08:45
right? He has he's dating a white girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like man, look at Predator can't get
00:08:50
himself a nice No. No. He's gay. You know, all all gay minorities have like this white girl
00:08:55
that's like sticking up for them. Oh, right. Yeah. Like, right. Yeah. The ya.
00:09:00
It's called the ya. Yeah. And so, um, basically, um, he's the run and the father is like, he needs
00:09:07
to die because he's a shame on the family. Ah, right. So, um, he the the little Yaocha
00:09:15
goes, "Well, can I go to this planet to kill that this monster that no one can kill?" because they like to hunt,
00:09:21
right? And the father's like, "You can't kill that. I'm afraid of it." Oh, wow. Right. And he goes to this
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he goes to this um planet, Badlands. I don't know what the planet's called. And um that's where the movie
00:09:33
That's the beginning of the film. And she's um she works for a corporation. Um she works for like Black Rockck.
00:09:39
Yes. Sort of like Black Rockck, but she's an you know uh an android. And she was split in half from from the from
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that creature. So she's a humanoid. She's half human, half No, she's fully android. Oh, she's no human at all. There's no humans in the movie.
00:09:52
Should be. Any really good movie. Um, so it's worth it though. Yeah. Can you do this? I just I before I
00:09:58
can get I'm going to get this off my chest real quick. Um, can you stop um telling me to send me send you my my
00:10:05
dead de dead photos? What are you talking about? I was in Mexico with some friends.
00:10:11
Yeah. So, at 1:00 in the morning, this guy calls me and goes, "Yo." He goes, "Send me photos of your dead. Send me
00:10:18
photos for dead dad." I go, "What? Why?" He's like, "My friends want to see it."
00:10:23
I was telling the story uh I was telling the story of how this
00:10:29
podcast was kind of birthed and at the beginning what had happened with your dad and how Daddy Why You Die became a
00:10:34
thing. Yeah. And then one of the guys was like, "That's crazy though, the picture thing." And he's and he was like,
00:10:40
"That's not real though." I was like, "That's very real." Yeah. And he was like, "No." I go, "Okay." And I called you. I was like, "Will you send
00:10:46
me a picture of your dead dad?" Yeah. And they showed it to them. What happened? By the way, this guy's a big star. Yeah. I sent it to everybody.
00:10:53
Really? I air dropped it to all of them. They all have it now. They're going to blow one up and put it in their house. So, what um when you showed it to them,
00:10:59
what happened? That was king of the party for a couple minutes. Yeah. Did they laugh or Everyone was shocked. It wasn't as funny
00:11:05
as I thought it was going to be. Obviously. Yeah. Yeah. It's not funny. Well, the second photo of your dad is
00:11:10
weirder because it one of them is like a selfie with your dad and the other one your mom's crying. But you're
00:11:18
straightforward. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not in that photo. The second one you're in. Yeah, but that was like a um camera
00:11:24
setup that the timer thing so funny. And I had to run around which is always, you know, I imagine you set the timer and your
00:11:30
dad's body moves a little bit and you're like, "Hold on, set it again." Yeah. Yeah. But the the first one I sent
00:11:36
you is the most tragic one because right when my dad dies, I catch my mom crying
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and my brother's just like he makes a face that he's like, "Yeah, he's in shock." Yeah, he's in shock.
00:11:47
That's Steve shock. That's Yeah. Yeah. And it's a brutal photo. But I like I like that you sent it and I
00:11:53
appreciate you. I needed to show everyone, too. Well, you ruined whatever party you were at. I think pretty hard. Yeah, it was pretty bad. Nobody liked it.
00:12:00
No, they loved it. No, they loved it. They thought it was funny. Yeah. Well, when I sent it to the Hudson, they didn't like it. Remember?
00:12:06
That's weird. They didn't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I was in Mexico. You got to show something fun in Mexico. We were We were scared in Mexico.
00:12:11
Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Walking the streets of Mexico. Yeah. Late at night getting some tacos.
00:12:20
I love Mexico. Is it good tacos? So good. Tell me about the tacos.
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Oh, and and we ber
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What is that? And they were shaving it off in front of you. I was like, "Oh god, dude. It was so good."
00:12:36
Oh, I love when they do that. When they shave it and the cheese is on top, so they cut a little slice of cheese, throw it in there.
00:12:41
Yeah. The guy is was a [ __ ] magician. And then the little woman next to him was handmaking tortillas.
00:12:48
Dude, it's so good. I love Mexico. My mouth is watering. It's so delicious. Yeah. Right. Right off What town? What town are you in?
00:12:54
Spit. Right off the spit. That's the town. Spit Mexico.
00:13:00
Where is it? It's called uh noise nice noise
00:13:06
Mexico. No ice. Yeah. No ice. It was called no ice Mexico.
00:13:11
Nice. No, we were in Cabo. You're in Cabo. Cabo is fun. Yeah, it's fun. Cabo's so [ __ ] rad. And it And it's
00:13:17
actually I haven't been in like a decade. Yeah. Loved. Really? Oh, dude. I love Cabo.
00:13:23
Yeah. Although the ocean I've been to Tulum. Tulum's great. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm always afraid in foreign countries. Um,
00:13:30
why? Because they're they're going to steal my like organs. I don't know why I have that fear, but like I'm going to wake
00:13:36
up. You look like them. They don't want you. I was going to say something like that. No, because you No, no, that's that's not the right No, I'm I'm going to argue
00:13:42
against that. Oh, like your liver is American. Has like No, no, no, no. I don't think that No, that's No, no, I don't know if they want your organs, man.
00:13:47
Like in Mexico, they would be like, "Hey, this guy, you know, you know, he has the same kind of body we do."
00:13:54
Maybe his liver will fit in Uncle Pedro's body. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? That's true. With yours is like No, this one is going
00:14:01
to be too big for Uncle Pedro. Too big. Yeah. It's like fit five times more. Too big. He's not going to be able to get in there.
00:14:06
He has a lump on the side like Santino's pancreas.
00:14:11
Yeah. Heck of a tumor. Yeah. Yeah. But they're not going to $50. Like, you know, 2,000 a couple. Yeah. No. What? My liver is 50 thou $50?
00:14:20
Wait. His liver is worth way more than mine. I have a bunch of alcohol running through mine. They don't know that by looking. Well, he's got a GLP1 in his though.
00:14:26
Yeah. You've got They'll lose weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take your organs to lose weight. Yeah. There's benefits for my organs.
00:14:33
On black market, a human liver can be worth anywhere from 50 grand to 550,000. That's what I'm saying.
00:14:38
Vote down below, fans. What's our liver work? Yeah. Winner winner check and dinner. We have
00:14:44
finally have a winner of The Great British Baking Show this season. I didn't see it. Finish it. I have two more.
00:14:50
Can I guess though? Yeah, I'm excited for the guess. It's that tall, good-looking gay guy.
00:14:56
Interesting. You know who I'm talking about? Of course. Yeah. He's so cute. He looks like a
00:15:02
surfer. But I'm not going to tell you yes or no. Oh, you don't? Well, you want to know? It's either him or the lady that has no
00:15:10
hair. Okay. The blond the bald lady. She's not bald. She has alopecia.
00:15:17
She's not bald. What? She's not like a Midwest. It could have been a fashion thing. No. No. She Well, she talks about it
00:15:23
almost every episode that she has alopecia. Oh, really? They very clearly I don't know that clear about it every can I tell you why I don't know
00:15:29
you fast forward through the whole thing to get to the very end no I just fast forward during the judging part of that's the most important part
00:15:35
right so I I I don't know of the backstory of people like you know they follow them back
00:15:41
yeah you're not invested in that yeah I'm not invested in that I am yeah I love it yeah but anyway um is it either one of
00:15:46
those two is it maybe I think so okay
00:15:52
you're gonna find out in the next two days I might not watch it tell me it's Jazz does. That's great.
00:15:58
She's awesome. Yeah, she's awesome. For the fans that are wa haven't watched it yet, too bad.
00:16:03
Well, you know, this I mean, it's been out for a couple. This is my test show with dating.
00:16:08
Oh, this show? Yeah. What do you mean? So, you know, sometimes when the first time somebody would spend the night at
00:16:14
my house, it's a test show, right? I think you So, I go I'll go, "Hey, you watch Boff?"
00:16:19
I'm like, "What is it?" I go, "I'm watching episodes. It's my favorite shows." And halfway during it, sometimes
00:16:25
they'll go, "Oh, they'll fall asleep." And then you can't trust them. I can't do it. See, I when I was dating, I put always
00:16:31
put on American History X. That was my That was your sleep. Well, when they when girls would come
00:16:37
over, I go, "What do you think?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if they really got in Yeah. You know, then if they were into it. There's a couple of movies I would show
00:16:43
girls when I was dating to make sure that they were kind of like Mine's A Clockwork Orange. That's a good one. Very good.
00:16:49
Yeah. American Psycho. Kind of like some easy easy watching stuff. Yeah. Stuff that's like
00:16:55
Yeah. Do you like that? That is really interesting. When you start dating a girl, what do you show her first to see if she's on your wavelength of either
00:17:01
music or film? I don't think girls like that. Music and film. What the [ __ ] No. It gives them the ick when guys are
00:17:06
like, "You have to watch these three things or I don't like you." Well, no. I don't like You don't say it.
00:17:12
I know, but they know you're they know you're doing it. No, they don't. They know. No, no.
00:17:17
It's a test. I'm on gay Instagram. I know this. No, no, no. Here's here's the thing. Here. Can I say it? All right.
00:17:23
It's your show. Oh, okay. Thank you. Yeah, I'm I'm a producer. All right. Damn, dude. He's tutti Rudy,
00:17:29
dude. You're toty. Got Rudy toty food. Yeah, I don't like it. You're a little meany weeny. What's going on with you today?
00:17:34
I'm not meanie. What happened this morning? What did you do this morning? I had a bad night. A girl texted me last
00:17:40
night like, "I'm never talking to you again." And all this stuff. I was like, "What could have happened?" Like, did you sleep with her?
00:17:46
Yeah, that's probably what happened. No, she she texted me sex Y or N and I wrote N
00:17:52
and then she got really mad and two days later. Why? Why? Why? Why N? Because I was watching um F1 and then
00:17:58
after that I watched Top Gun and I didn't want to be into it. It was a great race. Yeah. No, no, no. The movie with Brad
00:18:03
Pitt. Oh, I thought you were talking about F1 that just happened. No, no. I was watching movies and I didn't want to deal with it and then a
00:18:09
couple days later. Wait a minute. You could Okay. Well, yeah, dude. I think the response is not I've done that. The response is not N. The response is I
00:18:17
would love to. I can't now. No, I lied and said I was out of town and everything was a whole thing.
00:18:23
You did like my grandma died again. I said I was in Nashville partying. I made like a really Can we go back to um
00:18:28
you again? It's your show. I'm only you know I worked I could tell he was uh flustered though.
00:18:33
I did I I You want to know the truth? I got extorted twice in the past five weeks. What do you mean
00:18:38
extorted? Literally by whom? Once a gangster and another a girl. Tell me the gangster extortion.
00:18:44
I got a call from a gangster and he was like, "Give me all this money or I'm gonna leak all this stuff about you
00:18:50
online." And then he texted me on WhatsApp saying they were going to come to my house. I had to call the police. It was a whole thing. I think McCon
00:18:56
knows. Yeah, he called me. Yeah, I called him. So I was like I take like Xanax. I was like freaking out. It
00:19:01
was crazy. Oh, that's about burying the [ __ ] lead. Where the [ __ ] was this the whole show real he didn't want to talk about
00:19:08
it? Wait a minute. So how does somebody get your phone number? And what do they have to leak about you? Like I think they thought I was married still. No, I don't have nudes on the
00:19:15
internet or anything. They're even on my phone for this. And they threatened to leak your information. The word gangster is a little suspect.
00:19:22
Some troll. It was like a Mexican. Was it Yakuza? What? No, it was like a Mexican.
00:19:27
If you don't give me your money. If a Mexican dude threatens to like harm
00:19:34
you, that's a gangster. Oh, so it was a Mexican dude. You heard his voice? Yeah. He like read me my address and
00:19:39
Oh, give me the voice. I'm not I can't do the voice. I'm Mexican. Wow. All right. So, it was a guy that you
00:19:45
actually heard his voice. Yes. And he wouldn't let me hang up. It was all the tells of someone trying to So, you got three You got extorted by a
00:19:51
gangster and then extorted by someone else. I mean, you're so extortable. A girl a girl I went out with three
00:19:56
years ago texted me a couple weeks ago saying with like an Apple Pay request for like a couple grand and she was
00:20:04
like, "Give me this or I'm going to leak gossip about you online." And I don't know what that really means. Like
00:20:10
one time um on Tiger Belly I said um black people are oily.
00:20:15
I remember that. Yeah. You remember that? I don't even know what that means. I just said it. Right. Yeah. And so then this black lady with uh um
00:20:22
on my direct message is like if you don't give me this amount of money, I'm going to put this out into the world. I
00:20:27
go I just said it on my pod. You know what I mean? It's already out. It's already out. Like they're trying to
00:20:33
use what I said already that I said out loud against me. I'm like, "It's already on the internet." Do you get Venmo requests?
00:20:40
Well, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. You put your name on there. I don't put my name on there. Oh, that's right.
00:20:45
Yeah. On Venmo, you're like asking for them to ask for money. Yeah. Yeah. I read their stories, though.
00:20:54
Domino's. Listen, you know what? They have stepped up their game. Well, they got specialty pizzas. That's
00:20:59
the big thing. Yeah. Specialty. It's not the old school. That's my favorite word. Specialty or pizza?
00:21:05
Both. You like special? Yeah. Yeah. This one. This is the spicy chicken bacon ranch. Look at that thing.
00:21:10
That's got chicken. That's got jalapenos. That thing is so good, dude. And And it's got mozzarella. 100% real
00:21:17
matzo. Finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce. You love buffalo sauce. Oh yeah. What about this? What about
00:21:22
this one? What's that? What about this? We had the extravaganza. Extravaganza.
00:21:27
And I already ate a piece. It was delicious. And you know what? What's in this dude? pepperoni, ham, Italian
00:21:32
sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, and black olives. All sandwiched between two
00:21:38
layers of proolone provolone and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella. Dude, I'll have another bite. Why not?
00:21:44
Do a fold two over. Uhhuh. Oh yeah, baby. Extravaganza. Extravaganza.
00:21:51
Uh, they got the spicy chicken bacon ranch, the people's pizza deluxe, that extravaganza, and the mezza. The pizza
00:21:57
has all the meats you could ever Let me guess. Pepperoni. Got it. Ham. Got it. There's no way they have Italian
00:22:02
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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when they And they're long. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My uncle Louie lost
00:24:51
his toe. You know what I mean? And he's not living at my house. My kids haven't eaten two day. I mean, it goes on and on
00:24:57
and I'll just have like a like a moment, you know? Have you ever given money just to a stranger like that? But I'll have a moment and I'm like,
00:25:03
anyway, and I'll just start. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they're very sad and my heart goes out to them.
00:25:09
Well, I don't read the requests. That's insane. Okay. You start you're gonna because at some
00:25:14
point you might get you maybe you will get suckered into doing it. Yeah. And who knows how honest that is. Yeah. See, to me, I remember as a kid,
00:25:21
you know, when someone's like, "Don't give that homeless guy money. He's [ __ ] going to use it for drugs or
00:25:27
whatever." And then the old joke is like, "I'm going to use it for drugs or whatever, you know?" Yeah. But I always give them money because
00:25:33
they're out there asking. If you have the balls to ask, I give you some money. Yeah. But the internet,
00:25:39
who knows if they're [ __ ] with you. On the street, it's like, "Yeah, dude. Here, have some [ __ ] money." Yeah. You know what I mean?
00:25:44
Yeah. I've had ex-girlfriends ask for money. Yeah. What's the most honor? Yeah, that is
00:25:50
Well, no, it's not. It's not that they ask for money. They're just saying, "Can I have money?" But if they say, "Give me money or
00:25:56
else." Like girls I had seen like for four months or whatever and it's like and they just they're just out, you know?
00:26:01
It's tough out there. And that I I can't say no to. What's the most amount of money you've
00:26:07
given someone? Oh, they're not much. Like, you know what I mean? Like, uh an electrical bill. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:26:12
That's actually a clever I'll pay your bill. Yeah, I'll pay your bill. I give you cash. No, no. I get I Venmo whatever the electrical bill is. I don't
00:26:18
give them They're not using that for the electrical bill. Whatever the Whatever the thing is. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, electrical bill is such a
00:26:24
random. Do you pay my trash, water, and power?
00:26:29
Yeah. Remember I gave you head one time. You owe me trash, water, power. You've So, you've never loaned a
00:26:34
stranger money. I don't loan friends money either. You don't? No. What I will do is give you money.
00:26:41
It's not a loan. I refuse. And I learned this years ago from an from an older gentleman who said, "Don't ever loan
00:26:48
people money. You either give it to them or you don't." Right. It does. It will not come back. It should not come back. It does not exist.
00:26:54
Yeah. So, do not loan. It'll ruin a friendship. It will. Yeah. I would give a friend money before I'd
00:27:00
ever be like, I want it back. Yeah. You get one though. Oh, you get one. Yeah. You get one. Better be good.
00:27:05
Yeah. It better be a good one. Yeah. Or I get people work. That's If somebody says to me, I need money,
00:27:11
I'll get them a job. I'll find them a job to get them money. Yeah, because then it's easier to go, how about I cook you up with something
00:27:16
that'll give you money? Yeah. You know what I mean? I just did I did a gig I didn't want to
00:27:21
[ __ ] do just so someone else would get paid. I had this girl. It's too dark though. I can't tell.
00:27:26
Give it Give it. There was this girl that I met 25 years ago and she's she very hot.
00:27:33
But she's like, I need money to um I need money. I don't have any money. I go, you can clean my
00:27:39
apartment. So she would once a week, twice a week come over to clean my apartment. Oh no.
00:27:44
What? And you hooked up with her? Yeah. This is a Seinfeld episode. Yeah. Then I, you know, I mean, one day
00:27:49
I was taking a nap while she was cleaning and then I I wake up and she's like literally in my bed and I'm like,
00:27:55
"Oh my god, this is amazing." And then we started seeing each other and then months later she disappears.
00:28:01
Stop cleaning. Huh? What? Stop cleaning. What do you mean? When she started sucking, she stopped cleaning. Yeah. Yeah. And then um
00:28:07
place was a mess. And then I would get calls from her mom like, "Have you seen this person?"
00:28:13
Are you being serious? I'm being serious. So she went missing. She went missing. She cleaned herself out of existence.
00:28:18
You weren't a suspect. What? You weren't a suspect? No. Key key suspect. No. Yeah. I mean,
00:28:24
and then months after that, um, I get a call and they found her in a an abandoned house. I'm not kidding
00:28:30
you. In a bathtub, completely naked with heroin holes all over her arm and she
00:28:36
had ODed. How dirty was your house? [Laughter]
00:28:45
She'd rather do heroin than clean your [ __ ] house.
00:28:51
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She'd rather Damn. You know, Pauliey's like pretending to be mad at us. You know, this whole bit.
00:28:56
It's [ __ ] You should pretend like you're [ __ ] mad at the guy. No, I'm not mad at him. Cuz you don't You don't want to start a false war with
00:29:01
a false person. That's an old proverb my my grandfather
00:29:08
used to tell me. Never start war with a fake person. Fake person. Yeah. Yeah. Never start a fake war with a fake
00:29:14
person. Yeah. That should be on everyone's wall. That's right next to live, laugh, love. So, everyone listening, Paulie is trying
00:29:19
to start a fake war with us. There's no tension. Okay. When we see No, this is this is the game
00:29:25
we play. No, it's fine. I thought you wanted to play. No, we're not playing the game. All right. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. You never play with Now, this will start a real war with
00:29:30
Paulie. He'll be mad that you did this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, here's the deal. Okay. I don't know what he's trying to do, but he's trying to start something.
00:29:37
We We're not even aware of it. We don't Whenever we see him, it's all hugs and kisses. He's taking a note from the book of uh
00:29:43
Howie Mandel. Oh, how it's how he loves this kind of [ __ ] Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On Yeah. And
00:29:49
then Mandel the last time I saw him like four days ago apologized profusely for the
00:29:55
remember the the him waking me up incident. Oh, yeah. Did we talked about that, right?
00:30:00
Did we never talk about on the show? No. Oh. Oh. Oh, I'll tell everyone. This is what happened. This is my war with Howie
00:30:05
Mandel. This is real. Well, it's not a war anymore. Inside still a little. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I I did this
00:30:12
movie, you know, and um it was like all the
00:30:17
scenes are with me and Howie and a lot of people are in it, but um and so um
00:30:22
this Jim's movie. No, no, no, no. Not Karate Gosh. It's not Karate Gosh. No.
00:30:27
I I'm so excited for that to come out. Same. Steve How's in a karate go.
00:30:36
Where are you?
00:30:43
Oh, dude. Please stop. Show yourself. All right. All right.
00:30:49
Show yourself. Did you feel that?
00:30:58
All right. Go ahead. Anyway, um and so we're both chefs in in this movie anyway. Um
00:31:07
so we're working all day on every [ __ ] scene. And also it was two days of you know,
00:31:14
[Laughter] will you stop with the karate ghost,
00:31:19
man? You don't look happy on set. Did you hear something?
00:31:25
That's a spoiler, man. Yeah, stop that. Take it take it down. So, um, we two days straight, like 5 in
00:31:33
the morning call times and also me and how in every scene. Yeah. And it's like you we would rap like at
00:31:39
midnight. It was [ __ ] tough. So, one the next day um we did like five scenes in a row
00:31:46
all day, which I'm not complaining. It's just that's how movies are. They're just long days. They're long days. And I and and finally
00:31:53
somebody goes, "Listen, you're not in the next couple of scenes, so you can rest." And I was like, whenever that they say that, I'm like, yes,
00:32:00
I love that. So, in this studio that we're at, there's like this corner of this studio where it's like kind of away from
00:32:06
everything and there's like this long couch, right? Yeah. And it's completely dark
00:32:12
kind of too. So, I'm like I I was eyeing it all day. I was like, that's where I'm going to take my nap,
00:32:17
right? So, I you know, I curl up and I fall asleep, completely asleep.
00:32:24
About 20 minutes later, I feel something in my ear. Okay. And I'm like, you know,
00:32:32
you know, trying to wax. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I kind of look up and there is a 90-year-old
00:32:40
background actress. Mhm. All right. She has her bony white finger
00:32:48
inside my ear, dude. And I go, "What the fuck?" Right. And I
00:32:54
look at her and then I look beyond her and there's Howie Mandel with a camera.
00:32:59
Yeah. Shooting it. It's funny. It is. It's funny. It's insane, but it's very funny. Right.
00:33:04
Yeah. But it's not okay. It's not okay. But it's very funny. So I kind of get up and I go, "Lady, get
00:33:09
the [ __ ] out of here." Right. That's not what you said to her. What did I say? Cuz you called me. You said,
00:33:15
"Who the [ __ ] Who are you?" Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. You were like, "Who the [ __ ] are you? Who the [ __ ] are you?" And how he starts laughing.
00:33:21
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she turns to him to like validate validate that that the he was his fault,
00:33:26
right? And so I look at Howie and I go, "Dude, don't do that again, man. What the [ __ ]
00:33:33
are you doing?" He's like, "We're I'm having fun. We're not laughing." You know what I mean? Just a bit. Right. So they all leave.
00:33:40
Yep. I go back to sleep, right? Then I feel, right? My hand
00:33:48
is wet and it's in warm water. [Music]
00:33:53
Okay. It's in warm water, right? And then I open my eyes. How Mandel has my
00:33:59
hand in a bucket of warm water. Cuz he was trying to get me to pee. Yes. In my sleeve.
00:34:04
Yes. And I went ape [ __ ] I went [ __ ]
00:34:10
nuclear on him. It was very funny. I'm sorry. Yeah. I go, "Fuck you. I'm never working with you again. I went snappy because I
00:34:16
was so tired, right? And you know what I mean? And I just had reached my breaking point. Blew up on Howie
00:34:22
to the point where in the next scene the director had to come up to us and go, "Hey, you guys okay? Because this isn't
00:34:29
working, right?" Like, like you guys have to amend this. You sent me a photo and you look [ __ ]
00:34:36
super pissed. I was [ __ ] livid. There's a photo of him with Howie. I don't know if you can find it. with
00:34:41
Howie behind him. He didn't post it. Oh. Um he said he's got it in his phone. He
00:34:46
sent me a picture of him and Howie and he looks like so funny and Howie's like smiling
00:34:52
and Bobby is so [ __ ] mad, man. I'm so mad, dude. It was hilarious. I'm sorry to laugh. It was [ __ ] hilarious.
00:34:58
It that last scene with him took forever and the director keep coming out like, "Guys, come on." I'm like, "Fuck this
00:35:05
guy." And oh, let me just say this too, okay? It's disappointing because as a kid
00:35:12
growing up, Bobby's World, I was a huge and I still love him deeply. Yeah.
00:35:17
But I'm a huge Howie Mandel fan. I I can't even believe that he calls me and stuff like it. You know, sometimes you
00:35:23
you know, you've been fans of somebody and then now they call you. Yeah. And you're just in awe of it like, "Oh
00:35:30
my god, I can't [ __ ] believe so and so knows me." It's shocking,
00:35:35
right? You have all that in play, right? But then, you know, once that just goes out
00:35:40
the window and now he's just some old dude [ __ ] with you, you know, you right. And then
00:35:47
and it got to the point where after we wrapped, you know how they go, if people don't know when if you're it's your last scene
00:35:53
in a movie, you know, the director goes, "All right, that was Bobby's last scene. Rap on Bobby." And everyone claps.
00:35:59
I [ __ ] hate it so much. I hate it, too. Right. So, so they do it, but I grab my [ __ ] I
00:36:04
don't say anything to anybody. I just head right off the thing. Get in my car and I [ __ ] drive away. The crew loved it.
00:36:10
Yeah, they hated it. Yeah, I was really [ __ ] But you weren't being mean to the crew. You were No, I was just so livid. And then, you
00:36:16
know, the repeated text. So, finally, I ran into Howie. He goes, "Hey, man. I owe you dinner." I go, "We're good.
00:36:22
We're good. We don't I don't want to have dinner with you. You're going to crazy old lady and she's going to [ __ ] throw food at me in the
00:36:27
middle of it." I mean, what would you have done? I mean, I'm much more temperamental than you. That would have [ __ ] Look, the
00:36:33
first one I'd have been like, "Haha." Yeah. Then the second one I would have been like, "Okay, I'm gonna [ __ ] get
00:36:38
you back bad. I'm gonna get you back [ __ ] bad." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I probably would have
00:36:43
smeared poop in his trailer. Something fun like that. But But you right. I'm not Oh, I would have loaded up. You You You
00:36:50
got mad and left. I would have loaded up. I would have been preparing during the day. How can I [ __ ]
00:36:55
Yeah. You know, can I can I slash his tires? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I really take it to the next level
00:37:01
that it shouldn't go to? Yeah. I went Yeah. I mean, so I it wasn't inappropriate my feelings.
00:37:07
No, it was it was it was disrespectful of how you also you don't you know there's an old rule. Old world rule. You
00:37:14
know the old world rule. Tell me you you don't you don't pester a sleeping man. That's I've heard that from my grandfather.
00:37:19
Do not you don't pester a sleeping man. You don't pester a sleeping man. You don't start fake wars with a fake
00:37:25
person. And more importantly, you don't pester a sleeping man. You don't pester a
00:37:31
sleeping man. Yeah. You people are vulnerable when they're sleeping. You don't do that. You want to [ __ ] with me? I better be awake.
00:37:36
Yeah. Also, I It's not It's not I was fatigued. You're tired from the show. You're Yeah. I was running on two hours of
00:37:43
sleep. I was like fatigued. Yeah. Yeah. That a 70-year-old man is playing those
00:37:49
games is so funny. That's why it's funny. That's why Howie's a funny guy. He's a funny guy. Yeah. Because he will [ __ ] with you. But this
00:37:55
beef that that this beef that is being had right now with you and Paulie, it's fake. You don't like it?
00:38:00
It's not that I don't like it. It's just that cuz when I see him it's like dude and we hug and all that stuff, right?
00:38:06
Yeah. You love him. I love him. But like he's trying to start this thing I've seen online and
00:38:12
I don't know anything about it. I got a mis call from him though. Probably this. Yeah. Yeah. But he told me he was like
00:38:18
but we're not going to bite. I You're not I was kind of willing to have fun with it. But I like that you're
00:38:23
like [ __ ] that. Don't you think this is the best route? It's the one that you want to take. So I'll be on there with you. Yeah. I'll ride what you want. What's the route that you wanted to
00:38:29
take? I wanted to see a little fake war between you guys. But it was with you, too. Nah.
00:38:34
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was bad friends. It wasn't just me. I know. But he came up to me in the parking lot and was like,
00:38:40
"Think we should do something. Me and Bobby." Yeah. Mad at him. No. I was like,
00:38:46
"You're not mad at him." That's something that he would say mad that way. Yeah. Mad. Mad.
00:38:52
Yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't I I did I didn't know if he had talked to you about it. That's why I was curious. No, he was he's been um
00:38:58
sweetie sweetie sweetie. Yeah, he's one of the sweetest guys [ __ ] stand up. But um yeah, I'm not doing I'll do I'll
00:39:04
do a war with Howie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he would This is what he wants though.
00:39:10
That's the thing with How's mentality, you know what I mean? He thrives on the [ __ ] He does. Yeah. I'm not biting.
00:39:16
The whole Bill Burr Billy Corgan thing was he was loving every minute of that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:22
I mean, I did too. I thought that was fascinating. It was fascinating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was brilliant. But um I love to see Bill Mad.
00:39:28
That's what he's the best at. He's the best at and Billy Corgan. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was sheepish in
00:39:33
that. Well, it was a little He was like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." It was a little unnerving. It was unnerving. Yeah. The whole thing was a little [ __ ]
00:39:39
but Yeah. Howie um We're good. We're good. We're good.
00:39:45
You're good. Yeah. Have you've never been mad on a set or No one's ever [ __ ] you like pissed you off? I've made so many people
00:39:51
mad. I had the last season of Dave, I had an unfortunate uh moment. It wasn't just me.
00:39:57
Yeah. Um the director, I love this. The director,
00:40:03
tell me. Tell me. And I wouldn't mention her name or anything, but we were shooting a scene outside. We
00:40:09
were like out in the countryside and it was like a crazy [ __ ] morning. Like nothing was
00:40:14
set up right. It was kind of whackadoo. And it was a lot of moving pieces, but it was also like a huge wide for people
00:40:20
at home that want to know. usually shoot it wide and then you come in close. It depends on the director's style, but a
00:40:25
lot of times you get this big [ __ ] off wide. You get to warm up and then you get to the scene and you get really down to the nitty-gritty. You get really
00:40:30
micro. Anyway, we're shooting this huge [ __ ] wide and we're like walking through and I'm like, we're walking
00:40:37
through and then we go behind this bus that we're on and then we kind of are chilling, but it's me and a few of the castmates and so we're kind of [ __ ]
00:40:44
through the scene because you're never going to use that shot for more than a quarter of a tenth of a second. Yeah. So then we go around the bus and we're all chatting
00:40:50
and she [ __ ] loses it. We can [ __ ] hear you. This is the
00:40:58
third [ __ ] time you guys are talking through the [ __ ] and you're not even like a bunch of children. When she
00:41:03
called us children, that's when I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey."
00:41:08
Yeah. I was like, I love it. I love it. I was like, "You're crazy out of pocket." Yeah. I'm a [ __ ] adult male. You don't talk
00:41:15
to anybody like that. She was losing her cool and also because the episode was kind of not the way they wanted it to go
00:41:22
and I was like this isn't our fault. She was. So then me, I'm not naming people and the two other castmates were like
00:41:29
you got it. You got it. Yeah. Then the ne the rest of that scene was even harder for her because I was giving
00:41:36
nothing. You were pissed. Yeah. I was like, "Oh, you think that's Oh, you think that's annoying? Wait till
00:41:42
you see what we do in the next [ __ ] when you get tighter." Yeah. Just wait. Wow. Wow. We'll do 30 of them now.
00:41:47
Wow. You going to treat me like a [ __ ] kid? That's crazy. I'm a grown-up. Just be like, "Hey, you guys, we can hear you." She lost her [ __ ] cool. And
00:41:55
subsequently, you know, haven't heard from her in a while. I
00:42:00
don't think she's getting Yeah, she lost her cool. And the whole crew was like, "What the [ __ ] was that?" Like
00:42:06
the whole crew was like, because what you do is you bring down the energy of the thing. It was like, "Why are you doing that?" Then you're
00:42:12
because all the crew guys are like, you know, like the sound guy was like, yeah, like what's that about? Yeah. So then
00:42:18
everyone's in a weird mood like, why are you being that way? You're just blowing up on people because you're upset about something. So,
00:42:25
but can you do what Daniel Day Kim does? Be Asian. No, no, no, no. Daniel Day Kim told me
00:42:31
about he was on a set once where the director was the first day and goes, "Hey man, you're 30 minutes late."
00:42:37
Screams at him. Yeah. But he wasn't late. He was on time. Yeah. So Daniel pulled him aside and he
00:42:42
go, "Hey, man, don't talk to me like that." I love that. Yeah. Why can't we do that? I'm not Daniel Kim.
00:42:47
Oh, that's right. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, you can though. You're Ander Santino. Oh, what? What's going on here? What's
00:42:53
up, dude? Who are you, dude?
00:42:59
Damn, dude. You ordered that me? Yeah. Take a seat. You want to sit down or
00:43:04
Oh, yeah, for sure. I told you. Hey, man. I have a uh idea for you, Bob, if you
00:43:12
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Rocket money. Oh my. Thank you so much. I mean, I told you about it. I thank you so much because I've spent I
00:44:28
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Best part is Rocket Money, uh, what they're going to do is they try to negotiate the bills for you. So, they want to lower those bills and the app,
00:45:05
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00:45:36
So, what's your last name again? Mr. Mr. Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee. Yeah.
00:45:42
Yes. What's your name? Get comfortable, man. Thanks. What's your name? Uh, Zack Townsend.
00:45:48
You're a great comic. What's the idea? What's going on? He's a great comic. I got I got a business idea for you guys, though. Okay. Okay. What is it?
00:45:54
Can I pitch it to you? This is going to get me out of the hole. Okay. Chat EBT
00:46:00
and be Okay, I love it. Before you Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chat EBT. It's not what you're probably thinking.
00:46:07
This is I know exactly what it is. It's not. It's uh It's chat GBT for black people.
00:46:16
Yeah. Yeah. How does that work? How does it work? So, basically, you like ask Well, it doesn't work. I'll tell you.
00:46:21
It should be working. That's why Snap got taken away. It's not working right now, but it basically you ask it a question.
00:46:30
And then it just says, "Oh, hell no." Oh, I see. Yeah. So, what do you think? Well, it's a really good idea.
00:46:36
That's a great idea. So, is it AI or Alan Iverson? Yeah, I
00:46:43
get it. Oh, wow. You got him. Yeah, we got it. A deal with him. Okay, good. Tomorrow I didn't. You want a piece of pizza? It looks like
00:46:49
you got a lot there. Yeah. Too many boxes. Maybe it's probably blocking your face. Just put it off to the side.
00:46:54
Yeah. This is my favorite part. I knew he was going to look at one right away. Yeah. Well, there's more in there.
00:46:59
There's different kinds. Yeah, I like this kind. I have some pepperoni if you want some. Uhuh. I've seen that movie before. I'm not I'm
00:47:05
not biting. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, uh, Bad Friends Family.
00:47:10
Bad Friends Family. This is our good friend Zack Townsen. Great comedian. Great stand up. Uh, who Hello everybody.
00:47:16
Who opened for me for a little while? What happened? Wait. Yeah. Wait, what happened? He started closing.
00:47:23
Oh, you're a headliner. Guy's a headliner. Yeah. Well, can't open anymore when you're closing. You know what I mean? You know, you're
00:47:28
people that run those stores, right? You can't close if it's open. You can't open if it's closed. Exactly. Yeah. Zach is a phenomenal uh comic uh
00:47:36
Nashville. Although it is a good excuse what if you don't want somebody to open for you, you you you pull them and say Brad.
00:47:43
Yeah, this this is the first I'm here. I thought I was still opening for
00:47:48
this pizza thing was a bit, but I think this might actually have to come back. Well, I figured you're going to go
00:47:54
hungry for a little while, so I was like to give that man some pizzas. [ __ ] Who opens for you now?
00:47:59
Anybody but Zack? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I heard Catbird got a little thing from you. Cat Bird we did take down. Cat Bird was awesome. Yeah, we did.
00:48:05
Was Oh, you did Brea last weekend. Idiot. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did Brea and I took Catbird and
00:48:11
and uh Zack and Zack came. Zack Zack. Zack. How was Pat? Zack. Yeah, Zack. Yeah, ZAC.
00:48:16
What? Zac. Yeah, Zack. I got to change your contact in my phone. Uh Zack and Cat went down. Then
00:48:22
Devonte Coleman comes with me when he can when he's not, you know, blowing up this guy. Yeah, this guy just came from Tell them what
00:48:28
you just did. I just did um Come on, tell it tell it to him the way you told me. I just did uh No, I just did I just did
00:48:36
Comics Unleashed. Why? I want to work at Domino.
00:48:46
Wow. I was uh Byron. Comics Unleashed. For people that don't know, it's a comedic institution. It's
00:48:51
been around for it's got to be 20 years. I mean, right? How long has it been on TV? All for a while. Ever. Yeah.
00:48:56
I mean, genuinely look it up. How long has it been on? But Byron Allen has been running the show. It's a round table of comics on couches and they, you know,
00:49:01
you pitch your jokes and you get to run your bits. Uh, it's been on for 19 years. I I was right there. I said, "Who was on it with you today?"
00:49:08
It was Guy Tori from American History. I love Guy so much. He's great. He's an old friend of mine. Good.
00:49:14
Yeah. No, I actually opened for him a couple times in Nashville. So, maybe you can open for him again cuz I'm done with you.
00:49:19
Who else? Um, and then two other people. I don't remember their names, but they're they were nice. No, be real.
00:49:24
No, they're nice. You don't know their names? Really? I really don't know that. Um, one of them was like Lori something. Then the other guy was he had gray hair.
00:49:30
I remember that. Oh, gray hair. Gray hair. We had gray hair. Comedian gray hair. Gray hair. Wait, didn't Cat film with you? Wasn't she going to film?
00:49:36
She We all did different ones, but she she's filming today. I'm pretty sure those guys, you know, they do. Did you ever do Comics Unleashed?
00:49:42
I've been asked. I never did it. I can't believe you. And I Bob Bob didn't have enough. We're the only headliners that have
00:49:47
never I didn't have enough What? Nothing. Nothing. No. Say it. Say it. Say it. I said Bob didn't have enough bits to do
00:49:53
it. Ooh, I was just joking, dude. The look the look of anger with a
00:49:59
little bit of pizza on your mouth is [ __ ] perfect. You know, can I be honest? Hit him hard.
00:50:05
I don't give a [ __ ] He's not my He's not mine anymore. That hit me so hard, dude. Yeah. Like, it's a destroyer of friends.
00:50:11
Well, now why don't you go on Comics Unleash and prove him wrong? Right. You could prove him wrong. Good one.
00:50:18
Why didn't you do it? I didn't feel that's not a format for me.
00:50:24
Me either. Me either if I'm being honest. There was never a point in my career that I thought I was going to be good on
00:50:30
that show. That's I never did Leon. I only did Conan. Conan was the only one I wanted to do because I loved Conan and I
00:50:38
always wanted to do Letterman, but by the time I had the balls put together, Letterman was gone. And so Conan was my
00:50:44
hero. I wanted to do Conan. I got on Conan and they were like, "Why don't you want to do other late night?" I was like, "How much more [ __ ] are you gonna
00:50:50
[ __ ] open? How much more [ __ ] [ __ ] are you gonna open?" We have one more.
00:50:57
We do have one more. Let's hear it. It's yours.
00:51:03
[Laughter] Yeah. Thank you. Right in the mic.
00:51:08
God, these guys, this is how unprofessional the show is. They don't know to turn their mic down when they're doing some dumb [ __ ] like that.
00:51:16
But he'll do that for you. He'll come running like a little pip squeak that he is. Get go. Get going. Get going.
00:51:23
God, I love that kid. He's the best. He is my favorite. No, but I only wanted to do Conan. And then when they asked do
00:51:28
the other ones, I thought I'm going to bomb on that show. Did you bomb? Oh, yeah. I ate Yeah, I ate I ate a hard
00:51:33
I was telling a cone outside. I did like three black jokes. I did like three black I I'm surprised they even let me do them.
00:51:38
Do them here. Let me hear them. Well, give me the premise. I can do I know cuz you know I Yeah, I did. Well, the one that you know
00:51:43
that you like. What? Um the the we're the only ones who know how to whisper.
00:51:48
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they then him and Guy Tori were like I think I don't think they they
00:51:54
like got offended, but they were like I made a joke about like I said I have a lot of black friends. You could tell by my shoes. And after the joke they were
00:52:00
like, "Man, you ain't got that ain't black people friend shoes, you know." Yeah, it did. That's They're on me. They
00:52:08
me got Yeah. Yeah. By the way, no white guy that wears Air Force Ones, every white guy that wears
00:52:13
Air Force Ones is friends with black people. It's It's almost a requirement when you buy them at Foot Locker,
00:52:18
they're like, "Let me see your phone." And you got to show them how many black friends you have. And your phone's dead. And you're like, "Can I charge my
00:52:24
phone?" They're like, "You definitely got my phone." What is that, Cricket? You're good.
00:52:30
Why did you do it? Um cuz I'm just trying to say yes to a lot of things. Oh, that's good. Yeah, cuz Zach is a great comic and he needs
00:52:36
more credits and the internet now is [ __ ] flooded with a billion comics doing every clip and then he needs to
00:52:41
[ __ ] be a part of the system like everything else. This is a credit, right? It's a huge credit. We're going to cut you out of this, I
00:52:47
think. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fancy. No bits. I was kid. I'm a huge fan.
00:52:53
Yeah. Yeah. Wait, give me give me the other jokes you told. Do it. Do them just so we can hear them. Oh, I did um I said one about
00:53:00
like I think true crime like you know cuz it has to be clean too. So it can't be as good as but I said like you know I
00:53:06
think white crimes get investigated a little bit harder than black crimes you know just based off the names they name
00:53:12
these things like a white woman will go missing and they'll they'll call it like the 12-year disappearance of Sarah
00:53:18
and like a black guy gets murdered and they're just like the first 48 hours you know that's a great
00:53:23
they wrap it up quick. Yeah. Yeah. He liked that one. Byron liked that one. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I he didn't like the the
00:53:30
black people. Do the other one. I said I talked to him one of my black friends was telling me I was with chat
00:53:35
ev I'm just doing I'm like Nick the Paulo now. Yeah, do it. Do it, Nick.
00:53:41
Um I said um I have a lot of black friends if you can't tell about my black friend told me the other day. He said,
00:53:47
"I don't trust white people because they're always telling secrets." And I was like, I don't agree with that statement at all. You know, I just think
00:53:52
we're the only race that knows how to whisper.
00:53:58
It's a fantastic joke. And they pushed back on that. No, I mean, he just kind of like they were kind of going after my shoes and it
00:54:03
felt like maybe that one Did you go Did you fire back at all? A little bit. Yeah, I said it.
00:54:09
You said the N word. No, no, no. I said stop. Stop. Guys, are you nervous? Uh, a little bit. It's not as It's not
00:54:16
It wasn't as nerve as say as I thought I was going to be. Yeah. Well, no, because you I mean at some point you know you got the if you
00:54:22
have all the weapons you're like well I'm just gonna swing and then hopefully they hit and it's a live audience. Yeah. Yeah. And they're
00:54:28
are they alive? I don't know. I was like looking at some of them like some of these people might be AI for real. Like they're
00:54:34
it's a it's probably a lot of tweakers. The reason why I don't like these types of shows is is that it's so it's not
00:54:39
organic, right? It's like, you mean what you what are you going to say so I can
00:54:45
lead up to so it's the conversation is so fake and but that's every prompt on late night they do the same thing they prompt you
00:54:51
well that's why I've never done them I you mean yeah I I I just can't do it right it's a it's an old it's an old
00:54:56
format but it's a car Carson did it was the way that [ __ ] Carson set up his show too
00:55:01
I mean there was way more improv back then but also there's a lot of dead air if you watch old Carson there's an awful lot of [ __ ] dead air wouldn't fly
00:55:08
today like you know there's moment moments of gaps where you're like, "Oo, this is like valuable TV time."
00:55:13
Yeah. But they need the prompts to keep the thing moving. I mean, Byron Allen, this guy, talk about proving all those
00:55:20
conspiracy theories wrong. He bought the weather, right? Yeah. He bought the weather. The Jays Yeah. The Jays control it, but
00:55:25
he bought it. Yeah. They must have some sort of mutual agreement, right? He distribut the Jays. The Jays own it,
00:55:31
but he distributes it. Wow. Okay, Byron. Next week it's going to rain.
00:55:39
It's my company. I can make it rain if I want to. He acquired the Weather Channel. Byron Allen bought the Weather
00:55:45
Channel. A $300 million deal in 2018. Wow. And by the way, this guy's got $300 million to buy the [ __ ] Weather
00:55:50
Channel. He paid this guy like $48 to go on TV today. Wow. What did they give you for those What did they give you for those live show?
00:55:56
It was a couple hundred bucks. It wasn't a thousand, but it wasn't It wasn't 500. Even my We're at my house. My wife is
00:56:03
like $200. Really? You can't. They That's what they give you. I was like, TV's dead.
00:56:09
They're killing everyone. They're not giving anyone any money to I'm not even sure what it is. I don't even Comics Unleash might be on the
00:56:14
Weather Channel. I don't know. I don't even know. They didn't tell me like what network it's going to air. It runs side by side with a [ __ ] a
00:56:21
Doppel a Doppler alert. That's nice though. That's nice that you got that under your belt. That's first literal TV
00:56:27
credit. First literal TV credit. Y give it up for the boy. Huh? Come on. That's great. Bobby's still fuming from
00:56:32
the bits. Oh, no. Yeah, you are. Just tell him you are. Tell him you hate it. Yeah. Yeah. I love it.
00:56:37
He always tries to hit me whenever I No, you No, I give you gentle touches. Yeah. On the on the pee on the P.
00:56:44
No. The other night when I saw you at the store, you I did side side gentle touches on your
00:56:49
side. No. Yeah. Yeah. But you're always I You're in your mind. You think that I'm going to do something nefarious.
00:56:55
I think you're really strong. Yeah, I am very strong. I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I don't like he's got that uh strength.
00:57:01
Yeah, I got that strength. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we always one extra chromosome. Yeah. Yeah. But
00:57:07
and I dude, I will defeat all of you with a
00:57:12
one and then fight the
00:57:19
star of the karate ghost. The peanut butter falcon.
00:57:24
Hey, good. I like it. Peanut butter falcon. Yeah. Who who books the um how did you get the
00:57:31
show? On my man my management Facebook answer an ad on [ __ ] Facebook. They
00:57:38
just put you on that thing. Yeah. You got bits.
00:57:43
We should do it. What? We should do it together. There's no way. Why? I don't want to do it. It would be fun. We could make the
00:57:49
request. It would have to be just me, you, and Byron. And they would Why would they not do that? That'd be so funny.
00:57:54
That would be awesome. You would do it like Family Feud style and get like two more like bad friend of Jason and just do all four of you guys.
00:58:00
I think that'd be fun. Yeah, you could do all of you guys. Don't bring up family feud. We lost a flavor flave.
00:58:05
Yeah. To this day. If you if you were asked to do Family Feud, we did it.
00:58:10
No, but it was my family. Oh, that Well, rub it in. So, no, but no, but they they're going to ask you, Santino, right? Would I be a
00:58:17
part of your five? No. You know how mad I'd be if I wasn't the five? He wants to win. Well, you didn't get
00:58:24
many answers right. I'm going for skill tactics. Who would be on your family? Dude, imagine who would they put me up
00:58:30
against? By the way, they put you up against Flavor Flave. So, they're doing like who they think.
00:58:38
Yeah. Yeah, that's right. What What is it about Flavor? I'm Asian Flavor Flave, dude. They're in the meeting room.
00:58:43
They're like, "All right, check it out." Yeah. Yeah. Who's Bobby Lee's perfect counterpart? Who's like who's like a black Bobby Lee?
00:58:51
Yeah. They're like, "Flavor, flavor." Yeah. Who would I have as my family? It would be me, you,
00:58:57
my sister, my wife, my mom, or my dad wouldn't want to do it. Maybe my dad. My sister.
00:59:04
Definitely. Me, you, my sister. Yeah. Um, who would be really good? See, I'd be
00:59:10
tactical. You weren't tactical. What do you mean? I chose the wrong person, Esther.
00:59:18
Me, you, my sister, Raul, my landscaper. That'd be funny.
00:59:24
He's [ __ ] amazing. He's so funny. That'd be so funny. Raul and um
00:59:33
Brian Holtzman just cuz I feel like him and Steve would
00:59:38
have a battle. Yeah. Yeah. Holtzman would be funny. Hilarious. Be so funny to watch him
00:59:44
scream at Steve Harvey. I mean, they would [ __ ] hate each other. That's like two opposite energies.
00:59:49
Yeah. I would next time I do it, if I ever do it, I would I would choose the team that would win.
00:59:54
Yeah, we will. We'll get a little team together. Oh, no. They're never going to ask me. I'm with you. I'm your plus one.
00:59:59
They don't want me. They're going to ask you. They don't want me. Please ask them. Cuz I need redemption.
01:00:05
I'd rather go on I'd rather go on Wheel of Fortune. Oh, I'll be bad at that game. What? You guess letters.
01:00:11
I'm not good at it. [ __ ] easiest game. It's not Jeopardy. Zach's got one more day here in Los
01:00:16
Angeles. We sent him around. We did almost everything with the boy. Yeah. Then he goes back to Nashville to his girlfriend who he loves.
01:00:24
Yeah. Just got Just got himself a new house. Yeah. House. Thanks, Bob. Amazing. You did it. You helped.
01:00:30
Oh, yeah. I extorted money from you, Carlos. I'm the Mexican gangster. Oh, I see.
01:00:35
Yeah. You better buy my opener a [ __ ] house. E. And your girlfriend lives with you? Yeah. Yeah. I would hope so. They bought a house
01:00:41
together. Oh, together. She's paying for some of the mortgage. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we're doing it. This is a life. So, this is a life
01:00:47
partner. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Unless Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how long have you been dating Unless she finds out what I did in my uh
01:00:53
Comics Unleash trailer. Yeah. But how long I mean, how long have you been dating her for? Like three three years.
01:00:59
Okay, that's a good enough time. Yeah, she's rad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's She's very good-looking. She's cool. She's smart. She's way better than
01:01:06
Zach. It's one of those things where it's annoying when you're like, "Oh, the partner is more superior." But and then you sometimes wonder,
01:01:12
is he holding her hostage? Yeah, he's shreking. You're shre what?
01:01:17
Yeah, you're shreking hard. A new slang a new slang term for the dating trend of intentionally dating someone you consider to be less attractive than
01:01:23
yourself with hope that they'll treat you better. All right. Yeah, that's pretty spot on. I'm not going
01:01:28
that's actually like that's almost like whoever made this knows me and my girlfriend.
01:01:35
So, what's what's your dream here? What do you what do you want out of this business?
01:01:40
I want to I want him out of business or that. What is it? Uh I just to be as successful as you
01:01:47
guys. Really? Yeah. Never.
01:01:52
Yeah. Shoot for the moon, right? And if not, was that a Was that a shot? He does this all the time.
01:01:57
Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell Let me tell you something, pal. Let me tell you something, pal. We have your replacement.
01:02:04
We casted him. The fans answered. He was a hit. He was a hit. He was a Was he not a hit? Yes.
01:02:10
Yeah. Yeah. And he's a hit. And you're a what? What? You're a lump. A miss. A miss?
01:02:15
Yeah. Yeah. No. Oh, you're ahead. I love you.
01:02:21
I love you. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
01:02:26
It goes bumpy into night. Karate Ghost coming this fall. Do we know when it comes out?
01:02:32
No, I don't know. Do Karate Ghost release date? Wait, what is this?
01:02:38
He's in a movie called Karate Ghost. It's going to be awesome. January 31st, 2023. It already came out.
01:02:45
You filmed it after it came out. That's how good the movie was. It came out.
01:02:50
Was there another karate ghost? How? There came How on [ __ ] earth is there more than
01:02:56
one? There's two We did the remake.
01:03:02
Here's the one you're in with Belushi. Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law, the film watches a lonely teen form
01:03:09
an unlikely bomb with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero. Yeah. Are you You're just a local. You're not
01:03:14
one of the Are you the ghost? No, no, no. I play a sensei.
01:03:20
And that's why Yeah, I know. And that's why the question you just asked me five minutes ago,
01:03:26
who was it? Daniel Day Kim. Yeah. That's why we are not Daniel Day Kim. I know. Because you played a sensei. I know. And I'm in the magic movie for
01:03:33
four heartbeats. Yeah, they make me disappear. Yeah. Zack, uh, close out the show by saying
01:03:39
thanks for being a bad friend into your camera. Thanks for being a bad friend, everybody. That was terrible.
01:03:45
Hey, everybody. Thanks for being a bad friend.
01:03:52
[Music]
01:04:00
Yeah. Woo!
01:04:05
Yeah.
