00:00:00
hey you want to see some bad friends click below click on the link below to subscribe to the bad friends clips page so you can watch the condense clips page of me and Bob [ __ ] big do you think my
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head is [ __ ] Bobby have you ever seen you ad I'm just happy that you're watching the show yeah that just shows that you really watch the episode I have to because people keep sending me the
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link they keep sending me the clip why cuz I didn't talk any [ __ ] about you Griff oh I think cheese is dumb dude I'm
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dumb yeah yeah I'm gonna lipless [ __ ] I'm a lipless boy shave your fight look at how tiny your little [ __ ] lips
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are you a [ __ ] ramen lips go get your little lips look I got [ __ ] you God [ __ ] you bad he was making use like
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[ __ ] his upper lip did you get did you have sex this morning why cuz you're in a good mood I feel great yeah load somehow whether
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you jerked off to fortnight or something but you did something I don't know did you thicken your eyebrows did you
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send your [ __ ] eyebrows look at that look at that that looks like someone took a crop shear through those [ __ ]
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things can you grow them out or is that as long as they get you want to go toe to toe I want to go on foot of you man
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yoshiwo new tank yes you are you said did i thicken my eyebrows I came in here with a positivity man positivity you
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attacked me twice in a row and is that positive oh you you don't have a [ __ ] upper lip look at your lip sorry Andre hey Andres yeah yeah how are you feeling
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today dude are you feeling good I feel great you know why tell me baby boy because I've been playing video games
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and it really makes me feel good I've been a star too Valley you start do belly I know how much you love starting if I
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love stardew valley so much and I started with a new farm and it's just instinct right now baby well the last
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books too many lost books I have the new the ability to chop trees down and get hardwood that's a nice asset and I also have the thing where you get to go to the crab pots and it doesn't have junk
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stuff in it it has like lobsters and all the good stuff so I have that ability and I have truffle oil going and duck
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mayonnaise and it's real good no this sounds so cool yeah yeah it's great it's a great game because you're constantly
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uh you have to think ahead through the seasons you know and go of course I need to get ancient fruit going which is
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ironic because you don't do that in your real life at all what do you mean you don't think ahead about stuff in your real life my whole life is thought ahead
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is it yeah bro where do you think do you even know where I'm at in life do you know where you're at in life I'm [ __ ] good with no education I know you fell you fell face-first Anna luck you're
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basically Kramer your crane [ __ ] you you're Kramer to me alright look in the mirror do your Kramer you fell
00:03:15
face-first into luck you should initiate what you are Timothy McVeigh love personal hero murder yes Oh keep running your [ __ ] mouth and see what happens alright yeah that's the kind of person you are in your heart
00:03:28
you went you had a nice Italian Irish Chicago family that steered you this way but your heart could have gone either way no no less than two or more three more
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times you would have been McVeigh bro I don't remember the first couple of times yeah it didn't happen as far as I'm concerned yeah you know the kid that's
00:03:47
why so were you know I was molested so much no way it was a free-for-all you were ugly when I met you I was a free-for-all as a kid how many times you get molested for real 12 times no way yeah what do you mean go
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away [ __ ] you I was prove it I'll show you the scars you only got molested twice no I have 12 times over buddy yeah 12 times 12 to 15 hmm so why
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I was a cute kid that's not why they molested you why do you think it was your Z you're easy to manipulate
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they could trick you so easily yeah you were just simple you're a simple man you've been eating a lot on your face s actually your face has gotten a little
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chunker I like it I do I do I like your face before you're in serious no honestly because do you really think I look a little bit a little chunkier I like it that way that's cuter we really do I seriously yeah you really do your
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face I [ __ ] shaved I should look sky should look no no no when I saw your face or lack of what the [ __ ] is going on with his face
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maybe it's the corona scare or whatever having eaten a lot yeah I mean you guys so much it's it's really it's nice it's filling out it's filling out yeah
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because before you're doing that this Hollywood like I'm gonna make it kind of a vibe and now you've covered your face
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is given up it's cool because I'm hungry although I'm sitting around the house all the time hey [ __ ] you man your regret you've gained some weight you know what I've been doing and ask [ __ ] kalila every night one hour of
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peloton and I brought I busted out the weights bro are you seriously lifting weights oh yeah and you know by the end
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of this [ __ ] thing I'm gonna look like [ __ ] shame you're gonna look the exact same no I'm [ __ ] you you're gonna
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look the same I'm gonna look like Jet Li's thicker jet it's good jumbo jet Lee you're gonna be jumping alright let's
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make a monetary bet that you're not gonna let's make a monetary bet that you're not gonna um you're not gonna
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change you're gonna be the same weight you I'll give you a pound and a half you know it's rude that you say I love it no
00:05:51
buts keep talking that way because I love challenges I love naysayers and I love negative people well here's the
00:05:56
thing Nene I say name the thing I came in here I honestly think that you you've changed a little bit through this through this um Stross doing the show together no since the show you've now
00:06:11
and since this quarantine and since the coroner coronavirus now that you've become little paranoid yeah yeah yeah probably you know it could do it could
00:06:22
have something to do with the over 20,000 people that have died it could have something to do with it's affecting people of all ages all around the entire
00:06:27
world it's an international pandemic could be do with the fact that people are losing their jobs but we do to the fact that the shelves are being emptied
00:06:33
out a grocery store go be to the fact that people are fighting over toilet paper could be due to the fact that why the [ __ ] aren't you
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panicking of course I'm freaking I'm doing my due diligence what is your due diligence Bob I haven't
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left the [ __ ] house except for this thing for here yeah right number two number two I wasn't even gonna come same
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yeah I know yeah we I did we didn't want to do it we don't want to do it but five point seven five feet away I measured
00:06:57
okay yes and number three I have to make an apology by the way a couple of months
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ago I'm that month ago maybe three weeks ago two weeks ago I don't know what day it is um I um I was on my brother's vlog
00:07:09
and I said that Whaley the [ __ ] the fight or the straw straw weight champion of the UFC yeah I called a coronavirus you called the fighter virus yes yikes
00:07:22
you [ __ ] you because it was before Trump said calling it a Chinese virus and all
00:07:28
that kind of stuff right for it was a thing so why did you why did you call the fighter a corona virus because I
00:07:34
thought was funny yeah and then I go um so I want to apologize to Whaley and I wanted to and I want to apologize to you know all the Ching chongs out there that
00:07:48
might be offended here's the thing though i'm ching chong - number two you are you Americans like there was this
00:07:54
Asian kid that was in a Walmart whatever and he coughed and a bunch of white people started you know screaming at him
00:08:01
going you know I mean you Chinese you know you got started gonna start yeah I want to say this first of all why is an
00:08:08
Asian kid in Walmart well you think she'd be a Costco what do you mean mm-hmm why these cheap no Walmart is
00:08:15
ours that's all that's for whites it's not us where we buy guns and tires you can only claim that if you if only check if Chinese things are being made and sold at [ __ ] Walmart everything is
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Chinese things well Chinese saying we Chinese thing Chinese thing Chinese thing how could I say this yeah
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if your liver was made in China you'd be Chinese my liver is mine it's still Chinese though the you would be Chinese your that's like the stuff that's inside the Walmart if it's Chinese it's Chinese
00:08:45
so if it's in Chinese and then I'm Chinese because I buy it and purchase you can't just say something from her and so you got an applause no no I want
00:08:51
to see about the Walmart like yeah so I I'm gonna claim this I've been in an American longer than you have
00:08:58
I've been an American longer than you have when did you get your citizenship I was born here so I'm older I don't they
00:09:04
make you apply still right and so um yeah the racism out there when it comes to this this [ __ ] part it is real
00:09:16
it's real yes and it's gross and um you know I don't know anything just I don't know anything about Asia I don't wait no just hear me out I don't wake up and you
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know it's like when I wake up yeah I don't think to myself ah Asian well no I'm Korean you know I it it doesn't even enter my thoughts it doesn't even strike your mom
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when I wake up I go I'm your hyung go right or I mean honky yeah Bobby hunt my left foot itches because I have a foot thing right now or like I have other issues but when you leave the house I
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never think about it so do you never get in a situation where you've where somebody makes you feel like oh I I'm
00:09:59
Asia that's only one yeah that's what I I go out of the world and people say [ __ ]
00:10:05
like you know hey you know when if an old white man goes oh I'll be at Starbuck I fought in the Korean War yeah yeah yeah we talked about that yeah yeah and that makes you then you go oh my god oh why would you oh yeah I'm
00:10:17
Asian right but that's the only time so I don't feel Asian I feel like an American but you have no connected you do but you have connectivity to your Asian heritage don't you look in one way
00:10:29
I meditate but so do you yeah but but do you but do you have like do you have anything family tradition why's that that is that's Korean that you take oh
00:10:40
yeah I by my feet I walk on people's back and I do the gong and I and I have also stars and the ninja outfit what the
00:10:46
[ __ ] are you talking about I didn't say any of that [ __ ] I mean are you talking only tradition do you eat
00:10:53
food that your mother cooked for you that was your destiny and Express is that then okay it's not me yeah I've been a panic
00:10:59
spreads I got a PF Changs both of those places are Chinese no so you have no there's no traditional things there's no I do things that are like I
00:11:11
guess physically Korean like you know colder Korean men walk around the malls with their hands behind their back I do that now yeah that's it's okay so you do some Korean stuff but that's not it's
00:11:23
not a cultural thing I think it's just uh it's definitely a cultural thing that's literally what it is you just said it old Korean men do it yeah for no
00:11:31
other reason then it's cultural all right that's what they do yeah so your cat's your connective
00:11:36
tissue to your Korean heritage you smoke and you squat when you smoke and you yell at cars yeah I've said he outside of the studio yeah yeah will you do
00:11:47
Italian things I'm so expressive with your hand I do more Irish stuff than Italian stuff but know what you know Qi
00:11:55
you do stuff look it's been a panic moment but the one thing that saved us is has been friends texting friends funny stuff I've gotten so much funny
00:12:06
[ __ ] I want to bring up you know this man we taught you and I talked about this man Bob I love this man we talked
00:12:13
about this guy and we said he was probably one of our favorite my it was my favorite meme to get it was my favorite little like mmm thing to get I should say is look at this this is a
00:12:25
collection of photos we might have to blur this do you think we have to blur this would you you don't you didn't blur before well
00:12:33
why the tits well so this is a modification of the original photo the original photo she has a big black penis yeah yeah many people recognize this man here's this is him with the crying
00:12:44
Jordan meme which i think is just awfully funny very funny yeah this is the original picture is his face with
00:12:49
this his name is meat he passed away dude rest in peace you know he passed away when you tonnison when you told me
00:12:55
that the other day because I remember I called you and I said we should do research about this cuz this guy you know me is she happy about his new
00:13:02
coward the internet you can find nothing I'm so I swear to God we don't know his real name a PR person reached out to the
00:13:08
to the porno company that owns the rights of this photo yes pornstar yeah and they will not release
00:13:14
his legal name because they say it's not their responsibility the family might not want that out so they just meet his
00:13:19
meat is his formal porn name but he's so talents so talented I mean here's another sons great this one is great you
00:13:27
know what I mean that's really good yeah there's some really good ones going around this is a phenomenal video if you've seen this it's a bold package
00:13:38
it's a big package I mean so many I mean I gotten non-stop from so many friends a little bit of Bob
00:13:49
Ross love he's got in there it's great this one's phenomenal the old workers on the beam he's kind of like you know what
00:13:56
he's like he's kind of like van Gogh yeah yeah because the van Gogh did all his work without people really knowing about him it's only when he died yeah when people started appreciating his
00:14:09
work that's true so it's got a van Gogh kind of a vibe to it he's got a he's got a very mysterious way about him that I
00:14:16
think is is why he's it's so like we've seen big black dicks before you and I have seen a lot of them but this one there's something special about this guy it's well it's very special because the
00:14:31
head right sometimes when you see a dick right the head is bigger than the shaft
00:14:37
aspect of it yeah yeah they call that true it's called Truman Raya shrooming much like mine although mine is the side
00:14:46
of the size of one of the veins on his distance it's one of the broken veins yeah one of the broken veins is the size
00:14:53
of my dick but hit but his yeah what's interesting is he's got the sleeve still on right he's still got the sleeve he's
00:14:58
not circumcised and the sleeve still encompasses such a large mass yeah you can't even tell yes sometimes they look the sleeves people who have sleeves at home it looks like you know anteaters
00:15:09
they kind of look remember Ren from Ren and Stimpy who's yeah remember that Ren from Ren and
00:15:16
Stimpy sometimes he looks like like Ren and Stimpy has he has a mouth that looks like a the sleeve of a penis or a or a
00:15:25
bad vagina yeah look at like this look at his mouth right like this look at that yeah it's like a weird vagina or a
00:15:32
slit like oh this is the image that's the what's what you were looking for yeah yeah that kind of looks like this it looks like a it looks like an
00:15:38
anteater penis or that or a bad lip Eva Gina yeah it's also like when you when you're I guess having anal sex with another man I'm not I've only done it twice pun I'll fill you and go ahead
00:15:48
yeah you probably the Warriors you're gonna rip you gonna rip your man the actual muscle around the anal you know the muscle the anal muscle right you're gonna tear that with meat it's like he
00:16:01
might puncture your stomach along yeah all the way yeah I honestly think that he's probably punctured many men well they don't know how he died there's a lot of speculation on the
00:16:11
internet of what killed him if maybe I like to think that he died cuz all that blood was going to his [ __ ] not his heart I think it could go bad yeah
00:16:22
but I think I think getting that meme has been a Golden Nugget of my day cuz yeah you're right I have been panicking
00:16:28
I came in I was panicking we I put up some new some new do you like the fish paper I love it
00:16:33
new fish paper and the whole time I was freaking out I just want to talk about the day's day-to-day I want to talk about day to day I honestly and then
00:16:46
before we started this podcast I was like I don't even know what to talk about because it's like I'm a [ __ ]
00:16:52
zombie man I know you wake up you don't know what day it is you don't you know it doesn't matter when you wake up you
00:16:59
don't care I don't care I haven't cared it's really strange this morning I woke up at 9 am but yesterday I woke up at 3
00:17:06
p.m. you slept till 3 p.m. yeah but you didn't go to bed till what time just seven 8 a.m. right that is
00:17:12
only watching that Tiger [ __ ] oh so good I love that Tiger document I'm Joe exotic oh no I was watching a National Geographic tiger doctor oh yeah I mean
00:17:25
you're Joe exotic I am Joe exotic yeah I want to be that other guy Mach Vaughn or whatever they got with gaga bhagwan yeah
00:17:31
you went well his real name is doc and teal is that really doc antiochus yeah you want to be doc and teal and and the
00:17:38
reason being is because well first of all I'm not gay same not I mean yeah who knows this is
00:17:46
who Bob wants to be yeah doc and teal I don't want to be any of these people but by the way I don't wanna be anybody if I
00:17:52
had to choose because he had a harem of women he had a hair oh yeah he's also um
00:17:57
I feel like he took like he took you know number one I want to talk about how you can manipulate women
00:18:11
with [ __ ] Tigers Tigers yeah because you know white trash that they go hey honey I mean I've always wanted to take a photo with a [ __ ] cub yeah and then when I come but gets to a certain age
00:18:23
you mean it's no longer like it's like Hollywood yeah it's been female girl like girls in Hollywood it's like Vegas at 21 it's over yeah it's you know the pool girls at Vegas oh yeah buddy lived
00:18:34
in Vegas used to say that all the time one of his friends was a pool girl and she's like at 18 you're a [ __ ]
00:18:40
commodity yeah by 22 23 so funny they're burnt there was a you know that hotel the standard at that one in Hollywood oh yeah yeah and they used to have those they used to have this like gigantic
00:18:51
like Windows display where models Oh would sleep she would like yeah yeah I remember the right but I knew a girl that was an actress but she'd that's one of the gigs yeah did she get pay your
00:19:03
money I don't I never asked her that but at one time I wrote something so she's laying there right right against the
00:19:09
window I go you're never gonna make it and I remember her reading it and just being so angry and you're never good people you have to imagine I'm in the
00:19:22
front desk like I'm at the hotel this is what it looks like yeah right behind my head yes is a woman human in a K in a
00:19:28
cage in a little glass cage and I'm taking your high well room what room number and this woman is sitting there
00:19:34
reading a book or they're on their laptop or they're on their phone yeah and she gets paid to just be in a case nine hours feminism Burberry yeah it's
00:19:44
so sad to see like in LA to see actresses on the internet trying to be funny and stuff right now but no way that just come I were just remember time were you would see girls at your the
00:19:56
store you'd meet them and then three four years later it's just like they work at the store now no they would they
00:20:01
had to get a dictator that does one girl that she was like I'm an actress it's an that and for years she got hooked on
00:20:06
drugs she came back she looked like a homeless bag lady what did she and she was actually
00:20:11
successful as an actor I said well she never made oh oh yeah but you see a lot of that well dude you I see I would say you see a lot more people that get a
00:20:18
little bit of the thing and then they piss away their money get into drugs and then you see them years later and you're
00:20:24
like oh my god how did you fall so hard oh my god this is the craziest thing so when I
00:20:30
auditioned for MADtv she this is real I can't tell cuz this girl it came back just don't
00:20:36
say her name I know I'm not gonna okay so remember it was 19 it was in the 48 49 [ __ ] you I
00:20:45
don't know no there was this group so we're so when your audition obviously we have to tell people when you're auditioning and then you get to the final audition there was now six of us
00:20:58
it's called a test a test yeah but the day before the test there was like a producer session and I was walking out
00:21:05
of the producer session with this girl that I knew from the Comedy Store she was a comic but also a sketch person I
00:21:11
want to know so I'll tell you later okay and I at the time we got paid $4,500 a week oh okay okay that was our deal right so when you if you get the show you get
00:21:24
$4,500 guaranteed yeah and this girl was just like nah man now I need 10 grand well as we're walking in the [ __ ] parking lot and she's never done and he's never done anything and I looked at her could not you know you me back then
00:21:38
yeah oh no I was at really Asian ah we should be getting 10 grand it's a TV show man right so she knew something right so she doesn't get it she bailed
00:22:01
out she didn't test Wow and then 12 years later I was at a restaurant all right I'm ordering a meal and I look up and
00:22:12
it's her he's waiting Wow and instead of saying oh my god it's good to see you she said I should have taken it no it's stuck with her oh my god all those years
00:22:26
yeah and I go yeah and a side Caesar salad and a diet coke please yes you should have and our soups are gonna come out soon right oh my god how far it's so sad but that
00:22:40
happens dude cuz she was too cocky huh she thought she was bigger than the thing you know sometimes you know people
00:22:45
think they're bigger than the thing guess what the thing doesn't give a [ __ ] about you yeah who was that Trenton New
00:22:53
Jersey are it let's answer it put up to the mic hello come back to bed me and all the boys want you to come lay down with us during our pour only gonna be 16 for a little
00:23:05
while I will call you right back I'll call you after my poly in a couple hours okay come back to bed that was the
00:23:14
Love Boat is that who that was are you doing The Love Boat the TV show you want to know what that is yes it sits in a a meeting that I go to
00:23:28
no that's not fun I thought that was a job no it's called The Love Boat it's called
00:23:33
the lifeboat oh and you know I have a disease called alcoholism and I need to treat it I know shut the [ __ ] up for a second I need to treat it by going to meetings and get in contact with other
00:23:45
members of AAA and if you ever mock me again I'll rip your [ __ ] eyes oh shut up support me was a Hollywood job I thought that was a holiday show called Live Love
00:23:57
Boat there was a show called The Love Boat yeah I'm not gonna play that what what's that gopher or whatever his name is so you're not known to do shows that
00:24:03
went away and they're coming back are you not no junior television shows that went away that came back
00:24:09
[ __ ] back of me is and you did a game show that's just like another game show that already existed stop pretending
00:24:17
God you do you do some revamped stuff that's okay have you no have you ever done revamped stuff I've never done a show that existed once and they brought back all right
00:24:33
no bad shows just in general but so of you mixology is great great work okay I have it on blu-ray okay great work okay oh well you make fun of me now I'm not gonna all right I'm I respect all your
00:24:48
work look good no I like it all I can't wait to see you in this rob gronkowski game
00:24:53
show if by the way people have been googling shout out to lifeboat by the way and shout out to shout out to people that are in a a and that need help I'm a
00:25:05
product of it I highly believe in it are you being real you know my I'm just a kid of addiction what do you mean you know that yeah yeah I I really do believe in it in fact I think it's such
00:25:17
a you know there's a lot of people that don't like rehab and that don't agree with meetings and they go their own way and all that [ __ ] yeah I think it's such a great proven reinforcement that
00:25:30
when people that I know that our addicts that don't choose to do it it's a bummer
00:25:35
and there's nothing I can say to change their mind I know oh yeah [ __ ] burn your
00:25:41
face put your face over that candle hear hear hear hear hear spare this give me the spray spray this on your face well I let me do it nice it's natural to if
00:25:52
you're listening to this podcast right now I want you to take a second and look down let me see when was the last time
00:25:58
you shaved your junk Andrew two weeks ago in a while Jill I know it's been two weeks let's take a second to thank our
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sponsor manscape for holding you accountable to get rid of the funk and shave your junk
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hey does that manscape thing work for real as you do on your show and I do I said dude I'm not kidding I said I sent
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partner your body and your nuts well thank you my friends yeah here I know wait timeout let me ask
00:28:06
you one thing I'm being serious do you do you think that this pandemic has causing addicts to slip up no because I
00:28:15
this morning I woke up the reason why I woke up at 9:00 is because I did a zoom a meeting and it works great but I'm saying do you think there's some people
00:28:25
out there that this is really think about the thing about this I'm just putting life in perspective there's a guy who makes an hourly wage he works
00:28:34
hard he's an alcoholic he's struggling he's recovering and he lost his job now we can't work and times are tough no
00:28:47
because if I'm winning I'm gonna be I would tell you personally I'm telling this would crack me up but I'm gonna
00:28:53
tell you you don't understand what it feels like to actually not being a dry drunk mm-hmm somebody that refuses to use spiritual
00:29:05
elements because that's what 12-step groups are where there's a spiritual all right a higher power it's not even just
00:29:11
that there is just a feeling that you have right and once that's in your and your blood right you're gonna you're
00:29:19
gonna know that you know this is all meant to be I'm at the right I'm in the right place I'm gonna live in the moment and you're gonna do all the necessary things to keep that condition alive
00:29:32
inside you do you think because you think getting clean made you a better comic I don't tell you God honestly that
00:29:38
was really you know people have asked me that and it's like regardless if it did or didn't my life is more important than
00:29:45
doing stand-up so in a weird way the addiction helped you really find your purpose in life IIIi I know that I can't live you know
00:30:01
with drugs and alcohol in my system it I just I just not made up you know I I unravel really quickly yeah and um I I just can see what I can do is I can look
00:30:16
down the road when I'm using drugs and alcohol I can we look down the road and see where this is gonna lead me and that
00:30:23
destination in my head is enough for me to go I can stop now yeah hey stuff was very real and good
00:30:30
yeah I really liked it cuz you're struggling to crack you call me on the phone what you mean you sound like
00:30:39
you're losing your mind over there with that broad that you live with you talk to her - I do I text her - I text her a
00:30:46
lot because I want to make sure that everything is good she has panic she didn't want us to come do the show no you know why you know a couple of people
00:30:56
have called me and said I don't know about that George and I go I don't know where he's been what do you mean because he's in the farms yeah George
00:31:02
honestly why are people calling me and not to trust you a lot of people are saying that they shouldn't who the heck's calling you I don't want to name
00:31:08
names of people put people on the [ __ ] no we don't blow up people spot yeah no I want to know who I know but no
00:31:15
are you leaving the house for walks with who uh my cousin making it up up picking
00:31:25
it up what a huge pause yeah you're making it up what do you weigh you don't you don't take this thing [ __ ]
00:31:31
seriously not even a little bit look at me have I ever worn one of these things before chef Rochelle we had people I
00:31:38
asked people to send us in with their what their food rations were we got some good videos this is Jeremy Roger he sent
00:31:44
us in Andrew hey Bobby this is Jeremy from Syracuse New York originally from Puerto Rico I'm just a [ __ ] living in
00:31:51
New York you know I don't know what pantry and being real quiet because my roommates are out there this is my secret stash right here in SOL vinegar
00:31:57
chips I can Twitter bombo's boy cheez-its oh yeah yeah this is my quarantine thank you right now I run out then I'm gonna have to go to the store and probably die we'll see how far
00:32:16
this vest is probably last 15 minutes cuz I'm about to get real high right now so the peace guys Thank You bud shoutout to Jeremy he that's his collection this
00:32:27
is Adam Bullock I said send in what's in your fridge what are you eating maybe bad friends today we got some pickle
00:32:32
juice no some wieners no homo a nice towel some Korean cheese oh so spice eggies some soup some human
00:32:46
dog food some human cat food some maple syrup I drink this straight we got some liquid eggs we got a cap and we got you know the baddest butter and then in the freezer we got some cheese mozzarella
00:32:59
yeah that's the winner fave my favorite part about this yeah this [ __ ] has a towel in his fridge look at that a
00:33:07
towel yeah why there's something in the towel look at it I don't know he just literally said it too does this human here's what he says though he a nice tell a nice towel yes I don't think so
00:33:22
I'm saying I have a [ __ ] light bulb I have a light bulb in here I've got a couple of screws have a tire iron here's Ruben roaches you know it's not
00:33:29
bad friends I got the stock Oh Oh milk some yogurts that are probably old we got ships for days so many chips a lot of salsas and that's all we've been
00:33:45
doing that's what's up I love your podcast we love you too doc you too bro this is the people some people have some good rations look at how many do by the way how Mexican is this dude look at all
00:33:57
this look at that what I have that that's tajin I have that that's how you that's nine types of
00:34:03
hot sauce right there yeah and then more hot sauce and Mexican sauce down there yeah man I love it dude what do you have
00:34:09
in your house just honestly yeah what have we been eating yeah tell NT gelato ice cream every single day no really breakfast lunch and dinner yeah I make kalila order me Lou Magna Lou Malnati's
00:34:25
we've done this my favorite sponsor from Chicago so we're getting I just ate seven in a row every meal seven in a row
00:34:33
I love how the beginning of this podcast we talked about the losing weight no belt peloton for an hour oh yeah I make up for it yeah and then you know one of
00:34:40
those pizzas has like 6,000 calories and the thing is and then here's another thing that they offered and I think the
00:34:45
offer is 12 pack Chicago hot dogs oh I made her order that and yeah and then we Oh last night we got I had made her made her or you know put tortillas bakery
00:34:56
pour pour tous Porto sporto's Porto's bakery but they can send you stuff that's not bet you can bake it at home yeah so we got 15 boxes of like chuckle chip cookies and meat meat pies and all
00:35:11
these strong things look at this I know what the deep dish did you have from Lou Malnati's I get the pack I get that on
00:35:17
variety pack - cheese - sausage and - and - um pepperonis all right so there's 670 there 730 there wow you're really good so yeah wait a minute 730 calories
00:35:32
for what though for the whole thing one slice one slice it doesn't matter I don't give a [ __ ] it doesn't matter seven or calories and one slice how many slices are you eating I eat the whole
00:35:46
[ __ ] I'm not kidding you I'll eat the whole [ __ ] thing dude will you seriously yeah not eat the [ __ ] you can eat like force deep-dish
00:35:53
slices of pizza it's ice cut him into six but yeah oh my god not in one sitting I'll in in like a
00:36:00
30-minute period that's like but then I'll do an hour on the peloton I guess that makes up for it yeah how many calories you think you burn on the peloton it only says 150 that's like
00:36:17
that's like one bite of cheese I know that's like one bite of a corner he's a guy right but I ride yeah if for an hour
00:36:24
and then at the bottom it'll say you only burn 150 calories doesn't make any sense maybe it's because your output is
00:36:30
not that high it's not like you're you are you doing the class I refuse now so you just ride on it I do free ride okay that's not good but I'll watch like you should do the class know what I love
00:36:41
doing is I'll take my [ __ ] I you know I love disaster movies yes did you know that about yes I love deep impact we all
00:36:49
love volcano volcano yeah I loved the other day after tomorrow I love the I'm so well I'll watch it all did you like the rock that one that he did like the earthquake one who did the rock the rock
00:37:03
did one about an earthquake in Los Angeles oh I like that one that one was good that's pretty good okay good I like that yeah what do you
00:37:08
put it on the screen and watch it so I'll watch it but then I'll look down after I'm done like halfway during a movie it'll say 150 calories so are you
00:37:17
just are you sitting are you sitting down riding do you stand up and ride and do that thing or no I never power a riot why did you get a peloton kalila did yes
00:37:24
it's for her yeah does she use it all the time yeah but she did the classes and she'll do the weights that's right and I'll watch her
00:37:34
on it and I'll just stare at her watch it and that's my turn and then casual but at least something
00:37:42
and I've been doing weights so you're gonna see my body transform honestly I swear to god I'll pay for a trainer I
00:37:48
will pay for a trainer to see you get jacked so you could be like Kumail Nanjiani and I saw that's what Jack to
00:37:56
[ __ ] up yeah he got in jet he got an unbelievable shape yeah why because one time I did that show this is not happening on Comedy Central yeah yeah that's the one
00:38:10
we talked about with Tom yeah yeah and then he after he was done he got offstage and I didn't know him at all
00:38:15
but he knew I was there to do it I was after him and I go hey man that was great and he didn't say anything to me really yeah I eat the same thing happened twice
00:38:28
with Taylor Tomlinson you said that's great and the one time she was at the Laugh Factory and she got offstage I go
00:38:35
wow you're really good and she just looked at me and walked away shut up yeah she did that twice and then
00:38:42
when she become up and then when she became a paid regular at the store uh-huh she started saying hi but that's
00:38:48
all I can get out of her maybe she's just not a social person yeah we've never I've never said hi to her we don't
00:38:54
know each other I know but she's so good I've never we don't know each other even it doesn't matter it's like when you see
00:39:00
somebody that good you know she's good I've never even seen her stand-up she's very good she's a good writer a very
00:39:06
good performer and she's you know beyond her years so when I saw her at the laughs Archer once I just said um you did a great job and then maybe she
00:39:18
doesn't respect you as a comedian that's what I said that's when I started asking that question around town you thought
00:39:24
maybe she hasn't respect you I guess I would do people that knew her I went to Derek and a song you know you live together yeah yeah and cuz they knew her from San Diego and I said she likes me
00:39:39
and they go well I don't know if this is true or not but they said she's a little
00:39:45
weary of dudes from the Comedy Store was this before before she became a paid regular why I don't know why because I think that because we beat and rape and pillage in the basement of the comedy
00:39:56
show no I think the Comedy Store comics imagine being somebody that's not a regular yeah and then going there I can I can only assume we were all people that weren't regulars both men then went
00:40:08
there and became regulars I know but do you remember it being hard it was impossible that's what I'm saying they
00:40:13
get [ __ ] deal everything is hard and stand up stand up so nightmare I still was I still do like not respect regulars yeah I don't
00:40:21
know I don't know what the reason was I mean I think it's she doesn't like you she probably doesn't god I want to ask
00:40:27
her so bad yeah IIIi can there's a lot I'm gonna go up to her and be like hey I'm gonna quit the podcast with Bobby because I [ __ ] hate him what do you
00:40:32
think about but then a lot of it's in your head right almost all of it is in your head I know it's pop that's probably in my head and then here's a here's how I know it's in my head for years I thought what's this indian guy's
00:40:46
name Kumail Nanjiani no the other one well there's sorry yeah for years I would say out loud as he's Pakistani right there's any from
00:40:58
Pakistan whatever he's a moment before is he I don't know for years I said I would say around town I would literally
00:41:03
say that that guy hates me yeah just not knowing if he does or if he does it yeah we just say it do you
00:41:09
like him I love him he's so talented no I mean do you as a guy do you know him as a guy I didn't really know him so how
00:41:15
would you he because whether like it was its social situations I would say hi yeah maybe he didn't see the hi or
00:41:20
whatever sure I don't think these people wasn't one date but then here's what one day he came up to me goes hey you're
00:41:26
really funny man you know I loved you on WTF I think he said and he was super sweet to me that's nice yeah and then in my head I was just like oh he was on my head it is why is that because comedy
00:41:40
comedy is based on people who are insecure already and so we're now more secure it's everybody in comedy you're
00:41:45
insecure littered what are you insecure about everything that's why I yell at you all the time yeah like why sometimes
00:41:52
I make fun of you and I no sense of response so many I know I mean everybody has I know but and then you get really
00:41:58
angry horse yeah isn't that part of it all what are my sensitive spots do you think when I'm asking you so it's okay
00:42:05
to say um ask me let me tell me what you think I would be insecure about your weight your height your penis no you show that a lot your weight your height
00:42:16
no those are the things that you I'm being real I'm telling you you should be but I'm not
00:42:23
no what do you what are you insecure about I know the the one thing that you're the most insecure about no jokes
00:42:28
all jokes aside is stand-up yep it's like the biggest most insecure it's like the biggest so I'm so insecure I know I know it's but we don't talk about it and we don't talk about the idea of you know
00:42:42
fans constantly ask why you don't put out a special hmm people at the Comedy Store talk about it
00:42:47
mm-hmm comics that you're friends with go they asked me you know Bob why doesn't know I've had why doesn't Papa thousand people a day and the thing is for me is that I need somebody to ask me
00:42:59
to do one yes and no yes you could also make a bigger move to - well I want I need somebody to ask me okay so there you go a little out of your way no I'm sorry I'm sorry let me defend
00:43:13
myself okay all right I'm sorry okay okay is that it I I listen I feel insecure about gloating yeah about bragging about your not accomplishments
00:43:28
but just the amount of time I've been doing it what I've done is what I'm saying well you've done eight years on a
00:43:35
sketch show yeah national TV being a fat Korean dude on SNL I'm a TV oh and MADtv yeah yeah
00:43:42
that's a sketch show yeah yeah all right so eight years on that yeah um I've got
00:43:48
been in a bunch of movies you've done it right I you mean a regular and all the clubs I
00:43:55
sell out everywhere I go as a stand-up yeah my podcasts that I do Tiger belly and this bad friends are popular there yes yeah I just think that
00:44:06
somebody should call me and go hey you want to do something what do you think is what do you think is holding you back
00:44:12
nothing so why do you think no one's calling you that suck no that's not it but in my head that's what I think this is a perfect this is such a great microcosm of what's going on
00:44:24
watch what I'm gonna tie in right now all right guys what I'm [ __ ] saying like a psychologist is what I need in
00:44:29
the same way you assumed a season sorry Taylor Tomlinson XYZ continue on whomever didn't like you or didn't
00:44:41
respect you is the same way you feel about these says that you think why don't they ask
00:44:48
me so instead of you going Taylor hey do we have a weird is it a weird thing with
00:44:54
you because I want to let you know that I don't have a weird thing with you if there's something about me I wish you would tell me and then she would go no I
00:45:01
didn't I didn't think that what I thought we were good in the same way is uh having my agent of my manager go hey
00:45:09
Netflix hey Amazon HBO you know Bobby wants to do a special but he thinks you guys don't want to do one with him wait
00:45:15
really does he think that because we we just didn't think he really wanted to do one we don't know these are the same
00:45:20
things taking place in your life if you don't ask no no you don't know and this is exactly why I wasn't even bring it out okay because it's not a war what do you mean I'm gonna say that I didn't say
00:45:33
anything negative can I say something Raj yeah but what you don't understand is I'm diabolical and crafty and if they
00:45:42
say no you're gonna blow up the building no that's what I want to say say what I'm saying is is that but this is how
00:45:49
I've always been yeah whether you like it or not oh I like it right and it gives me motivation because if I don't have an enemy honestly I know who's up
00:46:02
enemies who's your enemy now I'm not gonna say it please I can't say it because we'll have to bleep it out well
00:46:08
bleep it we bleep last week and it was fun okay I'm not gonna say because I don't want George to keep bleeping [ __ ] yeah
00:46:14
but it's fun if you say it no but I have people out there in my bed yeah right that I perceive as people that are against me and it motivates me to write
00:46:25
it motivates me to go do more Stu stand up even if it's not true yes you fabricated and you enjoy brocade enemy
00:46:31
is in my mind to motivate me and I don't I don't think that that's healthy no right not even think it's healthy but it is I think the truth but do you think
00:46:42
that you don't well okay this is self-sabotage what it means this is you saying essentially you're okay with
00:46:48
self-sabotage it's that I'm not sabotaging anything yes no at the end of the day I'm going to win but you're
00:46:54
saying I want to win you're slowing down the process instead of just going through why don't you go directly to Netflix or Amazon or whom
00:46:59
and go hey I want to do a special because I'm not ready yet how my what I gotta get I need about another 15 minutes I'm good what you do you have
00:47:11
our and you probably have to three hours I need a fifteen better minutes let's write it right now no I'm not gonna
00:47:18
write guys [ __ ] 50 minutes work with you right let's write it right now no I'm at the right 15 [ __ ] minutes right now hey so uh so I'm Korean honey
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00:48:49
honey calm slash yeah what you've been doing in your standup that I like what yeah because we did that show with
00:48:57
brought a pro Trump stuff coming out of me lately no build the wall no what no no and this is what I cause I hadn't seen you in a while and we did that show Brian Collins
00:49:09
show at the Laugh Factory I was sitting there and I wanted you to fail because you just went on and crushed I
00:49:15
did pretty good and he did kill I went on right after you yeah and I sat there and you did something you there was a
00:49:21
moment in your set there was a minute where you I forgot what it was but you were being real and you had a message uh
00:49:29
right yeah and like oh you were making a point yes a lot of stand-ups you know we
00:49:34
just want to go for the kill but you're revolving to the point now in your standup or you're saying messages and having
00:49:41
your point of view rather than and I really like that thank you it's very nice daliyah went up after you
00:49:47
I appreciate you saying something nice it wasn't Leah did go up after me and uh the reception was not as good yeah what
00:49:55
a crazy show you me me you Krista Leah Bryan Callen wait bill burr burr yeah bill burr I can't believe we forgot Bilborough well he's rich Oh bill is a
00:50:11
what you know what you know what a love about bill and I'm gonna say something positive okay you we best comic in the country in the world one of the best to me yeah to me too I love watching you
00:50:23
doesn't I learned from him you know he's so good up there worst comic in the country oh go ahead I can't say it but but when I saw bill
00:50:34
playing with his daughter oh I saw bill we were at a thing and I saw him playing
00:50:39
with his daughter and he was out there for hours playing with his daughter and I was just like oh he's a good dad too yeah it made me like my heart warm good comic a dad yeah you'd be a shitty dad
00:50:51
huh I don't know I babysit you every [ __ ] that's every time we do this yeah you're my child you people don't realize you're my child why because they
00:51:02
don't know oh dude speaking of our mutual child I did promise your favorite King black that we'd call him before you do though he did say Eric really yeah
00:51:15
well y'all do me a favor y'all call me on the show I said of course we'll call you know sure he said well well he was a
00:51:20
heap [ __ ] he was harassing me wait why I'm just redid that thing before you call him I'm gonna put this out no let's cut let's talk to him I got I don't know before you call him do you just let me do this okay all right so he
00:51:33
goes um he texted me like three or four times we texted last night I didn't I didn't respond to respond right so his last text to me was really you have to talk [ __ ] about me so bad all the time
00:51:46
jeez he said y'all ready to Skype right and then yeah and then I go I lied and I
00:51:52
said I have personal [ __ ] going on right now man I can't talk right now relax right well he's gonna hear this yeah
00:52:03
that's fine now because this will come out next time or the next week I don't know if I can deal with it now yes
00:52:10
yeah I want to call him but we have to keep the lie on that I had personal [ __ ] but let's inflate of this alrights
00:52:16
inflate it let's make the lie even more prevalent what is the lie you think well let's make it up right now yeah before we sit my cousin has it no
00:52:23
no no something-something um it was a scare my mom it's gotta be something about kalila or your mom or
00:52:30
your brother for it to be real to him because he's best friends with my brother my brother and I am Tom well they can't be okay so yeah my momma Lila
00:52:36
then no it has to be what something about kalila coladas friend okay here's the deal yeah this really happened okay so when I was in Denver Kyla's friend hung out in
00:52:48
the green room with us yeah and then the next day I flew out and she has a week later she now has it no yeah Bob what
00:52:56
what if you have it I don't have it it's been 11 days okay but let's say kalila think she has it
00:53:02
was there was a skirt that she thought she hasn't okay we turned on okay I mean he's the one that was like y'all ready Skype he said it to me I know hello
00:53:31
hello hello hello what's up baby baby boy brother oh here we go again what's up baby boy
00:53:44
what's up what are you doing working toilet you're washing your toilet yeah and I'll just drop to do so should stay
00:54:00
fresh now will you really so when you tested me will you mad that I didn't text you back right away Bobby you never tell your back right
00:54:15
away okay angry about what any angry what are you talking about I saw your freaking podcast where all your doing a talk [ __ ] about me What did he say oh what am I talking about all your
00:54:32
words I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but I if I got it I'm gonna die what do you think you're gonna die you know me but don't worry happened didn't that happen you said you said to
00:54:45
me you said Muhammad SAW I do not say that like a crazy person okay that's you alright so yes I see why you're worried don't bring me down offensive that you
00:55:05
thought that Griff what you're saying is who think Bobby would die before you oh yeah for sure Bobby would go like in an
00:55:28
in a second you know to me why he would just like no it's just I think that Corona would live stronger in his heavy head you know what I'm saying
00:55:40
so it would like wait you saw [ __ ] my head is big do you think my head is [ __ ] your life have you ever seen why because
00:56:14
I'm yellow wow that would be a mustard bottle inside of us I'm just happy that you're watching the show yeah that just shows that you really watch the episode
00:56:28
sending me the link I didn't talk any [ __ ] about you Grif you know what you know what we say this to your face we all say this to each
00:56:56
other's face yeah because we love each other Thanks one thing we talked about you is
00:57:14
because we love you I love you yeah like Hitler talked about the Jews what are you what are you making what are you making for dinner right now are you cooking or you haven't you haven't your lady cook cooking show do you know this
00:57:42
he's been doing a cooking show online really yeah paleo I got this paleo shoot from the place called fun basket and then they don't sponsor on our show it's
00:58:04
like those pre mates you make it yourself yeah then you everything you need there's a lot of companies like that yeah yeah just one oh can you spare my
00:58:10
face again yeah spend like 20 minutes 20 30 minutes it takes to cook and it's pretty great meals for two it's like
00:58:16
eleven dollars look I'm doing freaked out by your voice but I said since what I said is your your you know what Bobby your butthole is probably ground zero
00:58:36
yellow cable wonder will you send us will you send us a video we can put up on an episode of you cooking something
00:58:49
please okay yeah now I need you to call me on skype later today we do tomorrow I can't wait up what do you mean well because you want to video chat it yeah
00:59:02
we video chat and I put my little podcast that's not good enough for you guys apparently that's not true we both lost your show we watch it here that's
00:59:16
not true in fact Bobby Bobby Bobby and I sat the other night we sat and just watched a couple episodes straight of
00:59:21
riffin with Griffin yeah I hope you good Wow you got the better liar than this no
00:59:27
I'm telling you some of my favorite episodes on there of me that I know if you're gonna call pretend like you're gonna call me the whole cool yo you just watched your guys's episode yeah who's
00:59:39
that who's that that this is riffin with Griffin we're talking to receiver here we go Oh
00:59:45
with 75 what's up everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] no wonder what the snuffleupagus is gonna look like without hair that's what it looks like hey is that weird or are
01:00:10
we gonna get clipped by YouTube is that your music yeah that's mine you made it up from scratch right I came and I did
01:00:16
it on the singing mic yeah no you did it you go look at your episode you didn't do it on the thing about you actually
01:00:22
being Rick what did I do you don't know if you've done his show I haven't been on this set before Eric yes
01:00:41
you had cuz you were talking [ __ ] about the brick piece of [ __ ] and then you did
01:00:48
a wait wait wait wait by the way what do you say about your place what do you say about your place that was he just was talking [ __ ] yeah Bobby does you know
01:01:08
what I'm saying that's what he does yeah but you know what I'm not honestly though during this whole epidemic that
01:01:15
we're going through and pandemic endemic and I've been thinking about who my friends and family are and you're in
01:01:21
like you literally I'm not kidding you you're in my top 5 ok of the people I love the most I really do love you don't get sentimental on me now people [ __ ]
01:01:36
yeah he won't he means it I believe but is Andrew like number 7 I'm just curious Andrew now is in my top 10 as well we
01:01:50
have to go now because I have to talk about something else hey Griff here we go getting offended
01:01:57
and getting sensitive and plug plug plug plug your show right quick do like a radio drop like the old school days go oh my god make sure you watch Ricky with Rick I love him yeah I [ __ ] love him
01:02:14
so much talk about who just texted you all right so here's ah this is very sensitive but I have to call him back you know fact I don't think I should
01:02:27
call him online live but no why not tell him can I call you live on my show ask can I call you live on my show well while you're talking while you're sending that text he'll tell everyone
01:02:40
who you're talking about I'm talking about Carlos Mencia and what happened I don't know if people know this but for
01:02:46
the first six years of my stand-up career as an open mic er I used to open for Carlos Mencia yeah I probably did over 500 shows with them when I was
01:02:59
young I went all over the country No and you know I used to open for him and Pauly Shore mm-hmm so when it comes to those two people specifically I get a little sensitive
01:03:11
because um you know um I know things about them that other people don't know obviously you know so um you know I've been talking about him on Tiger belly
01:03:25
and some other things and um he's been in comedy jail for a long time two decades 15 years okay two decades - five
01:03:39
yeah and um and his his argument you know his argument has always been him defending his position about stealing
01:03:52
jokes about what bits mm-hmm all right and my argument has always been that even if you did it a two or three time or whatever it might be I don't know exactly the number right I don't know
01:04:04
what then up I don't know why you're smiling I'm not smiling you're smiling I'm smiling I don't know the numbers yeah I don't know what specifically the
01:04:09
number is I'm being very genuine I don't care I mean I don't know cuz I thank you thank you I just don't run I have a regardless of
01:04:16
what the number is that um you should just do a blanket statement right I'm sorry yeah right
01:04:25
because there have been the times where I had seen him write a write a bunch of bits on his own workouts work [ __ ] out
01:04:32
right you're saying he didn't steal everything yeah I think that the thing is is that people people think even
01:04:38
today right even if when he's on stage if they think that everything that he's saying he's stealing which is impossible
01:04:45
because he doesn't do open mics and you're me and he doesn't you know go he'd I don't think he sees enough people do live stand-up right for him to steal
01:04:57
mm-hmm yeah and I think he's very sensitive about it now right so he's a little bit more paranoid about what bits
01:05:04
he puts out there but still everything that he does now is under the lens of he's stealing everything right I don't think is the case but the problem is is that by him defending specific bits from
01:05:17
the past right gets him in trouble because you know instead of defending the bits that you claimed that you wrote just let it all
01:05:29
go do a blanket statement that I used to steal I'm so [ __ ] sorry I will make amends for that and to move on I think is the best way to go and that's what
01:05:43
the conversation was awesome What did he say when you said you should just say so he hurts his heart to say sorry to say
01:05:49
sorry to all of it to admit that he was stealing I think that he admits to stealing some but not all and I just
01:05:57
think that what hurts I don't understa say good earth bits that people are accusing him of stealing that he didn't
01:06:04
steal right in his opinion okay I got a no and um and I think that you mean that's pretty much the conversation I have with them listen I he's not gonna say sorry is what he's saying uh no I I
01:06:15
think that he is now at a point where he is gonna say sorry mm-hmm he's gonna go on rogen into it I think I don't think
01:06:21
that Rogan would have him it'd be crazy if he did though huh yeah I'd be great if you went on there and was like I think about it I think that it would be
01:06:28
open to doing it as well oh sure I mean I don't know if Joe would ever do that but man would it be amazing to watch for
01:06:34
people that don't know we're talking about college mancine Joe Rogan got an argument at The Comedy Store 15 some odd years ago about stealing jokes and they
01:06:41
hid the clip went viral this before viral was a real thing by the way there kind of was like on the precipice with the interest afire in fact it what was
01:06:48
scary about it is that I got caught in the middle of it yeah you were you're in the video on the patio I was on the
01:06:54
video and patio and everyone knows that was his opener or so it's like when that happened I was getting a lot of messages
01:07:00
myself saying that you're a thief too or you piece of [ __ ] you never you've never seen ever ever ever because everybody
01:07:07
done is so bad that you steal no of course what you're doing but no dude you of Cour but the point is you got roped into a weird thing and I was caught and
01:07:21
so what I had to do back then was I had to literally cut ties I had to cut ties with Carl well let's finish what happened for people that don't know I'm sure most people know but what happened was the comedy store chose Carlos over
01:07:34
Rogen Rogen was in so many words you know I don't know if he was banned but he didn't come back around it was almost like yeah the store leaned towards Carlos and that debt divided the store a little that was a real that time I was
01:07:47
an open mic Rebeck mm-hmm and young you know and I that was a real [ __ ] difficult time because yes like you know I I was friends with Joe Joe Joe again
01:07:58
as well I was you know with buff eyes as well I loved him and um and you know I had to cut ties with somebody that helped me out a lot and I had I I've
01:08:11
only seen him since then maybe five times damn I've never had him on Tiger belly ever because of the fact that George I didn't ever want to bring it up but he just said I want to hash it out
01:08:25
so we'll have a Mon Tiger belly and and talk about it and talk about it Jesus Christ you know ken Jeong and Joel McHale started a podcast you they did they really
01:08:35
yeah did they really yeah Wow this what they're gonna be talking about or they gonna be talking about stuff that we
01:08:41
should be talking about like what like television in the nature of us g-rated pass yeah
01:08:50
they're not gonna know their podcast isn't gonna say what our podcast says mmm they're doing the white in the Asian
01:08:56
thing that's not that's pisses me off though they're copying us pard yes first we were first well tell them can we call
01:09:02
him and tell him call Ken and tell him that he's copying us I'll tell you why I can't call him why God why can't I want
01:09:11
to see this yeah number one I honestly in my heart all right I love the guy sure yeah we know you know that right yes I know I went on
01:09:22
tour with him yep he was my doctor and went to his wedding yeah I know you would you guys are why
01:09:28
yeah we're friends but when I asked him to do Tiger belly my podcast he wanted me to talk to his publicist first to go through the questions Oh cuz he wanted to know what you were gonna say yeah so
01:09:41
because he's in the Hollywood thing dude yes so that's a Hollywood thing so for me he doesn't want you to say something I don't want to call him because he
01:09:47
probably won't pick up and then also he'll bleed like wait a minute wait a minute guys you know it's good let's
01:09:53
trap him let's call him out on a [ __ ] no no we're not to call him out on the fact when I struck in stole or not he didn't
01:09:58
steal he just happens to be Korean two other hat what Joe McGann Joel McHale John McCain he happens on McCain and and
01:10:05
then John yeah he just happens to be um a Korean guy and a white guy yeah okay same stole it mm-hmm stolen they stole it from us yeah but they're starting what I'm I wonder if it'll beat us no
01:10:19
way we're gonna do everything in our power to make sure it does but if it does what will happen I'm gonna try to
01:10:25
kill one of those guys I'm gonna make a baby would you really be would you really be angry if they topped us yeah
01:10:30
there's a few people on the charts that I'm mad about that they top us there's a few people that that would make me mad yeah okay who's on the truck set oh
01:10:37
thank you angry Jenna Fischer and can I just say that makes me so it makes me so
01:10:46
mad that they're number two and three in comedy I know Jenna comedy I know I love you Tommy
01:10:52
I love Jenna so what I don't dislike her either ray I don't dislike you zone person I don't dislike these people I
01:10:59
hose on a sitcom with overtime you ending up together ABC mad cancelled I'm mad that it that it's that it beats us on the charts that's just to pure jealousy yeah but they're just more talented no they're not and they're not
01:11:10
going to eat and there's a podcast and we're meaner and they're more talented than us you think that show is better than this show yeah it has to be there
01:11:17
knowing better no it's because they're they have way bigger names and we do because they both run the [ __ ] losers yes yeah our names are losing yeah and
01:11:23
yes yes and fine yeah so can I say this to pack our [ __ ] up mm-hmm for being losers right I'm pretty [ __ ] go do it okay yeah yeah for being lose yeah I
01:11:35
think that's what makes Ken and John and Ken and John McCain Peter and John I'll be bummed yeah I'll
01:11:44
get it big everybody and they will maybe will and then we'll just be angry maybe we beat Conan Conan's bigger than
01:11:51
us if a corner has other things going on I think that you know we have other things going on as well but this is a
01:11:57
pretty big deal if it's not a competition I don't care but it means a lot to me it means a lot to me I don't like that they beat us on the comedy
01:12:08
charts mm-hmm and we and wait wait don't tell me is up there every single week night I've never heard anybody that
01:12:14
listens to that who there's a show called wait wait don't tell me an NPR NPR you know what that is no they're literally the number the number
01:12:20
two comedy podcast every single week oh good there must be more talented and better than that that doesn't that's not
01:12:26
what that means that's not what that means even a little that's what it means so so okay so everyone that's above you
01:12:34
is is more talented and and better than you yeah but everyone beneath me is less I like that yeah and that's what feels
01:12:41
good look this wait wait don't tell me is up here let's see where hold on yeah there it is
01:12:49
oh nice I passed it okay so this is wait wait don't tell me I just want to play a
01:12:55
chunk of it let's see if it's much fun it's comedy by the way and they write no more it's gonna make me feel insecure
01:13:00
and July why because what is that are insanely good well if they're better than us they're better how long would we listen
01:13:07
for two seconds alright this is the head Steve Colbert at home along with panelists Maz
01:13:12
Jobrani Paula Poundstone and somebody else that's a great people support for this podcast and the following method are 'bitch I hate it already support it's bad game I'm just [ __ ] around
01:13:26
okay here we go come from Hulu with Hulu Plus life here is your host romantic Uzi filled with
01:13:33
hand sanitizer somewhere in Chicago Peters say go thank you Bill and thanks to everyone listening at home this week we are going old-school the older members of our audience might
01:13:46
remember that for the first seven years of this show we did it in a studio the very great studio corner now sit in fact
01:13:53
here sorry I fell asleep down there beginning of that what we're doing now is mean and if somebody else were to do that first of all I'm punching up I'm
01:14:07
punching up they're better than us they're better than us all the more success very more successful better
01:14:13
that's all I'm jealous I'm allowed to be jealous and punch up for edit as a joke at NPR but the forum Charlie sighs a
01:14:20
great host of the show's already thousand podcasts that are neat are underneath us we're better than them
01:14:27
yeah no I don't just like think I don't know those guys I just I'm jealous I'm jealous said they chart every week it's
01:14:33
unbelievable you know what I found in you know what I found that I had to do in the last ten years of my comedy career mm-hmm is to get involved with groups of people that I don't think have
01:14:47
the same cachet as other people that I know you know but you you you learn to collaborate and you learn to support and you learn to figure out that some things
01:14:58
might not be my cup of tea but you know it's this is that necessarily means it's
01:15:05
bad no of course not just because it's not what you like doesn't mean it's bad no there's a lot of music out there that people love that
01:15:10
I can't stand but doesn't mean it's bad music yeah it's not for me but that's not a comment about that show I'm just
01:15:16
commenting in the fact that I'm jealous that these shows are better than us every week they rank better than us hmm I'm sure jen is a nice girl I'm sure
01:15:22
Angela's a nice girl but you're just being jealous but we about things though that they would
01:15:27
never talk about I mean that's like why Angela Angela calls Angela calls Jenna Fischer ching-chong like every single episode they do like fake Asian accents to begin the show that's how they start
01:15:38
their show I'm dead serious that's how they start to show them yeah they do this is impossible their intro music is that's now what yes
01:15:46
it is and she was reporting a lie but I McKenna she does this whole bit you've never heard that show no that's what she
01:15:53
does Wow yeah she's still great very child agree no I do love Jenna no of course do it it's a [ __ ] this is I'm just I'm just joking around do you want that dummy
01:16:03
woman why because on the show yeah we were shooting and it was on her coverage and I was behind the camera I know you were you were [ __ ] around I know I just started playing candy crush or
01:16:14
whatever you were [ __ ] around I was [ __ ] around well you don't do that no I don't well you know you when it's on
01:16:19
somebody else's coverage I don't [ __ ] with the actor I wasn't [ __ ] with her I was just playing candy crush boy I was
01:16:25
saying the lines but on your phone that's so disrespectful she wasn't I was just saying the lines so she can't even
01:16:32
look at you in the eyes and get a good look at my head my head's their dog that's basically you're just putting up
01:16:38
you should just put up a picture of you while you can look down and play the game yeah I didn't have one of those why don't you just gonna stand in if you
01:16:44
don't like reading line so much no it was just that one particular I had a cat it wasn't candy court it was a yeah I
01:16:49
had to finish the level start do Valle no it's not start oval you can't play it on your phone start do belly is a very
01:16:55
complex game please don't make fun of it I'm not making fun of it you're 50 go ahead what did she do what did she do
01:17:01
she just went she just kinda called me out are you [ __ ] kidding me she's right I know she is yeah are you
01:17:08
[ __ ] kidding I would use lushing yeah and then I guess if you had a couple of beers or something yeah you started
01:17:18
blushing and then I uh I think I walked away because I don't know you were embarrassed I think I was embarrassed
01:17:24
you don't like confrontation that's why I hate it yeah but in that realm it's very embarrassing when you get checked down I got checked on Melissa Leo yelled
01:17:29
at me like a like me and me and Griff like [ __ ] chilled I mean dude like children like whoa it was embarrassing
01:17:35
his [ __ ] what she said well we were on the other side me al Madrigal and Griffon around the other side the completely other side of the
01:17:41
room she couldn't have heard us didn't even know we're in the background of her shot I'm talking no she at 3040 feet away and
01:17:49
we're supposed to be chumming it up in the in the hallway that's literally what we're supposed to be doing in the
01:17:54
background of the scene so we are we're just kind of quietly being like well yeah I mean if we start we start or late
01:17:59
tomorrow we're supposed to be talking mm-hmm she stops runs behind runs but I mean
01:18:05
runs behind the crew Sprint's and it's like quiet be quiet I mean like we're children why what did you do you know you know what I did we all went like this idiot we were also not doing
01:18:22
anything wrong it I think it just we were get it got in her head when she looked over in saw us yeah she kind of
01:18:27
wanted it out of sight out of mind type of [ __ ] in the background yeah she lit us dude she lit us up a bunch oh you
01:18:32
know what I was on a commercial at once and um the director I couldn't get this line out it's a stupid commercial and the director goes all right everyone
01:18:43
form a circle so like you're talking about a crew of a hundred people whatever yeah
01:18:48
they formed this gigantic circle you get in the middle you me yeah so I'm in the
01:18:53
middle of a circle I'm kidding you I'm not kidding you this happened every one point your finger every one place their
01:18:59
fingers repeat after me you're the worst actor in LA yeah and they all did that truth and my face just failure sweat why would the director do
01:19:13
that because he's a he's a bad guy didn't he tell me this story what's that guy's name I can't tell you the name and
01:19:20
oh we did it on two weeks ago you had said that he was the inspiration for our he said that story you said he was an
01:19:27
inspiration throwing it up we are gonna cut it yes you would said he was the inspiration for for some guy in the
01:19:32
Viggo Mortensen yes that's right we already said that Ernie no Viggo from I'm so sorry actually no wow I'm
01:19:39
blushing don't blow I already wrote I already wrote it down you know good but but also I use so many [ __ ] podcast it's like
01:19:48
I can't even that's why I told you you need ask I can even but you need to stop you need to do our podcast and your podcast and that's
01:19:53
I know but it just so love so much talking that it's what do you know more it's ours and yours and that's it no
01:20:00
more you can't do any more podcasts I'm putting a [ __ ] a break on it but do you ever buy do you ever repeat stories
01:20:07
of podcasts I'm sure I mean how could you know I mean how could you yeah I mean like I there's been so many times
01:20:14
where I've set a story that I think I said then I don't you ever done that on stage when you do a second show and it's
01:20:20
like the second night of the second show and you go did I tell that the earlier show was a lot done that I've done that
01:20:26
before yeah I do that about jokes all the time I go it'll be the second show on a Saturday so you've done three shows yeah and I'll get in my head in the
01:20:32
middle of a joke and go did I tell this joke in the first show or did I did it on this show already or was it last
01:20:37
night that I did it have you ever done this I've done that told the joke and not get that big of a laugh and then say
01:20:43
did I tell that joke already I've never done it because I said that before and they go yes right
01:20:48
no oh they don't oh you never I never have but the left wasn't big enough for me to go that was fresh yeah yeah in my
01:20:55
head I'm like yeah I've done a thing where I've told a joke I've told a joke at the beginning of the set and then because I rearrange my set all the time at the latter half of the set I do a
01:21:10
piece of that joke that led me into another joke that I didn't do before and I heard and I hear myself do it yeah and I feel so embarrassed year and if I felt so embarrassed they don't that's they
01:21:22
don't know you're doing an hour they don't [ __ ] know you don't know yeah no thank god but but have you ever
01:21:29
done this where your the show I don't happened for a while but like I just one show where I'm like I'm eating it is this hard it was a second show Friday night so I'm gonna cut this bit I'm
01:21:41
gonna get to them I'm gonna condense the set up so that the punches are closer together you know I mean yeah and then I
01:21:48
got offstage and the matter goes you just did 12 minutes you cut out 40 minutes of show did you go back shut up you just walked out didn't pay me for
01:21:59
that show yeah they shouldn't that's insane yeah that's not even a regular Comedy Store no it was that hard that audience them
01:22:06
you know you know comics that don't really like you but like they just you can feel that they do it because it's
01:22:12
part of the things I know I know I can name so many of them know but it's not even that the comics its group of groups
01:22:19
of combat hundred percent right I know there was there is a snotty mmm-hmm like you know it's naughty Ivy League II yeah you mean brainy yeah group of comics out
01:22:32
there like the Harvard kids yeah that look down at us but they say hi especially at certain turfs like the
01:22:40
Comedy Store and like the clubs because the club's is our terrain yes we our house it's our house you're in a mirror manaus you mean this knots knots right you know our dangling down yeah there's
01:22:54
our our level because this is where the audiences are now and that's the cool place to be it's because for many years it was Largo and some of these other
01:23:05
places did you ever play Largo one time and I never did it again I met the guy that runs Largo yeah at Joan's on third hat when he was having lunch with someone I know yeah and the guy said you know I understand
01:23:17
see no and he said no I don't think we've ever met I said hi nice to meet you and he said you know he is I said no I don't know who that is and he goes are
01:23:23
you serious he said Andrews a great stand-up how'd you guys not know each other and the guy goes I never I don't know and I go I don't know him I don't
01:23:28
know who you are and he literally goes he literally goes he runs Largo I said ok Annie goes we'd love to get you in
01:23:34
there and I was like oh that's great I mean I don't I don't know didn't know dis on him it just that's that was never
01:23:40
my world I don't you know I mean yeah it's like I don't know it's not even that it's not on my world it's just that
01:23:46
I don't even know how to get in there I don't know where to go I don't even know one of her asked me I don't know if there's a door to get in I don't know
01:23:51
how you do it if you you see but it's like you see Apatow Osama finatus yeah yeah so many dope people go there yeah all these dope
01:24:02
[ __ ] Silverman thing cuz they wait to do all both yeah but then I'll see the post and see all these like and there
01:24:08
with like Joe Walsh in like you're not allowed there and I'm and I go oh that's the group I'm not allowed and
01:24:14
Club here's the difference between that and that place and like the comical to me God and this isn't this brings up it
01:24:20
brings up so many resentment that place to me is it's it's cool in the way when you show up to somebody's house and they have an old record player and you're like everyone has a [ __ ] record
01:24:32
but then they put on a good record and you're like wow that is pretty [ __ ] cool yeah it's pretty cool like it's
01:24:37
it's it's a little on the nose but it is very cool and the Comedy Store is like when you show up to someone's house
01:24:43
and it's a disgusting house and they're smoking in the garage and they've broken a lot of windows and the couch is
01:24:49
[ __ ] gross and people are [ __ ] on the couch yeah and the mom is home and she's partying and her titties out yeah
01:24:55
that's the Comedy Store it's like the greatest high school party of all time yeah it's just like it feels more raw and disgusting and on purpose
01:25:02
on accident accidentally on purpose you know like everything is working but it's there is over there feels very
01:25:08
coordinated yeah but there's something about the store though that I love it's you know stand-up comedy has always been
01:25:16
a working-class type of performance yeah right it's like the Catskills people would go up you know I mean yeah you need your you see the marvelous is amazed all right it's just you know it's
01:25:27
just it's worse we're basically strippers yeah we are we do stand-up in bars where there's drinking it's been going on since the 60s there's something
01:25:39
really and that's why the comedies was great because they never changed the decor of it yeah so it it feels and
01:25:46
looks like it always has been yeah never yeah and there's so much history there it's not that necessarily
01:25:52
that it's a dingy kind of a gross place it's more it can be it's more Deadwood yeah you know and I prefer that over you
01:26:03
know a fancy place well when things are more polished I feel I feel like they're
01:26:10
they know that you don't belong you know like you they can feel it you can feel it yeah you know but but but it's so
01:26:16
funny when an alternative comic says gives me a compliment it means so much more really yeah I remember years ago
01:26:23
Paul of Tompkins and Patton Oswald both posed with Devon it's complimentary things about me as a
01:26:29
comedian yeah and I just I just was like I was so giddy it's like if a club comic
01:26:36
said it I'd be like whatever it wouldn't matter it wouldn't matter yeah but but because Patton did you focus you know I paid Patton to do that to say something
01:26:42
nice to you know you do that was a live kameoka I paid him to do a live cameo do pads a great guy I don't know him either
01:26:48
another I don't know any of those I really know none of those people they don't know I exist I don't know them it's very I know you exist no I'm
01:26:53
telling you I'm telling you they do I promise you they don't know so if I went up to [ __ ] Patton Oswalt and said you
01:27:00
know he'd go no I don't know who that guy I've never heard of him that's so [ __ ] crazy the things you've done
01:27:06
because I don't I don't I don't make an effort to go over there you I don't reach out to that side when I first saw you though and I'm gonna have to say this I thought to myself oh that kind of
01:27:19
I'll never be friends with that guy why when I initially saw you why because we just don't take this one when I'm not on you well I'm not gonna say it that I'll say it cuz I want to take it the wrong
01:27:29
way all right it's honestly when you are just looking at my my point of view okay
01:27:36
I don't know you right we've never met we've never met I don't know anything about your personality I didn't hear you
01:27:41
talk how you interact with people and you're just general energy yeah is like negative e negative then why are you going up negative right it's like
01:27:56
there's so many it's it's like it's like when I first know aggressive lobby Slayton yeah I was a big fan of Bobby
01:28:03
Slayton and then once I got to meet him he's super sweet right but initially for
01:28:10
years I thought I'm never gonna be a little cuz he's just gonna he's but then once you know I got feeling that that
01:28:17
face for doing it know once I got in there right that I'm like all there's small aspects of softness and I think
01:28:23
one thing I think what it is is I'm I'm aggressive I am aggressive I'm heavy yeah I come in
01:28:30
heavy to start yeah but that's cuz that's who I am I'm big your authentically you when I first saw you
01:28:35
you know what I thought appear honest because I was being honest no a - no no joke that's that crazy guy that gets naked all the time at the Comedy Store that's
01:28:46
literally what I thought to myself that's that crazy guy that gets naked at the Comedy Store when do you get naked
01:28:54
all the time when all the time no no don't don't google it because you're gonna find I can google you and find something Andrew Santino naked naked
01:29:12
just naked okay images no we got to blur that well yeah you got a blur right there cuz that's boobs well that's that's on set of a show that I had my
01:29:24
penis for Adam see that's me on set of I'm dying up okay there we go you're naked you're naked
01:29:31
it's on a TV show I'll show you now juggle me then that's not a Jewish anything okay okay alright you won't
01:29:39
find anything and this won't be on the TV show you look if it's performing - it doesn't matter oh my god I won't find it the first eight pictures are of you on stage naming the same thing is a TV show no
01:29:52
yes performing this is on Tom Green's job performing this is on at a radio station
01:30:00
performing Bobby Lee naked on stage performing this is you at your house performing another performing but I love
01:30:07
what you say I don't get naked look at how many naked photos come up it's almost in its almost absurd how many
01:30:12
come on there's you there's not that's just a white guy that's a guy it's a gay male mm-hmm it says on stage mm-hmm that's not you so that one right there what with the girl what was that I don't
01:30:26
know oh that's with why I'm with someone from Chelsea Lately oh that's my ex-girlfriend oh well then why'd you have me bring that up that's weird that
01:30:33
was weird that you did that why is that up there well it's just on the internet I'm just saying you so much nudity yeah
01:30:38
that it's the same as yours it's all performance it's not that you when you say when people go mine was just your
01:30:46
this okay this was unexpected that's look at Toms greens for Tom Green's face this is the difference mine was for a scene on a show that they asked me to be
01:30:53
naked for you did this voluntarily Tom Green look at Tom Green has no [ __ ] idea no [ __ ] idea you were gonna get naked not even in that to surprise my bum is
01:31:06
on your lips guy is [ __ ] mind block the guy whose to wake up his parents and beat the [ __ ] out of them look at the shock on his face mind blown you're a nudist I'm not saying it's it's
01:31:19
wrong I'm saying you're a nudist whether you like it or not you're a nudist you're an exhibitionist you enjoy being
01:31:24
nude okay I saw I said there's the guy who gets naked the commies okay also it's fair also turn it off he's very funny turn it off look at me turn it off the viewers need
01:31:38
to see that I said I said that guys very [ __ ] funny I think you made me laugh before we became friends hey do you want it do you want to have can we have a segment and I can bring up under a
01:31:50
Sunday to do his stand-up yes what do you call them again fancy [ __ ] fancy be baby yeah oh [ __ ]
01:32:02
hey baby boy hello guy how you do you look great you got that swag yeah that sweater is such a cute sweater I like this weight model will you model
01:32:14
that sweater for us for a second put your own board put your hands on your hips nice Wow does your eight-year-old
01:32:23
need a new sweater this season it's so great now look at Mork that sweater is wonderful it's like all the colors that got rejected by stood by all the skittles like Bill Cosby wouldn't even
01:32:37
wear that's why all right here we go get ready you ready yeah everybody my name is rich mcgivers welcome to the LOL LOL
01:32:44
cafe here in nashville tennessee and uh we got a guy coming up here as his first
01:32:50
time he's from Spain um his name is Andres give him a round of applause [Applause] thank you guys
01:33:09
so you guys know that pornhub is giving away its premium subscription for free this season due to the pandemic a porous free thanks for Hobbes but I already came
01:33:24
okay 346 people in South Korea turned to religion during looking for answers during this foreigner virus crisis and pack a little tiny Church they all got
01:33:37
infected so what do they learn that the virus is also Christian more more MORE okay there we go the media is going crazy after that turn 8 called the coroner virus the cool look
01:33:54
but why for now on I want all my diseases to have kick-ass name like this to malaria the carrot Ebola give us ours Taekwon Down syndrome and of course the
01:34:07
MMA did you say I Kwon Down syndrome during this time of economic struggle most people don't know the difference between our recession and a depression
01:34:29
so I'm gonna break it down for you guys our recession is a business cycle where there is a general decline in economic activity a depression is what pussy-ass
01:34:41
losers like Contino go through sometimes for the year take it like that shot good Joe fire more of that Wow you did you're a little
01:35:01
[ __ ] dude I'm gonna beat this okay finish sorry go ahead okay so Oh old man in my family lose
01:35:09
their hair early you know I started losing my hair in my head before I had hair in my balls so recently well my
01:35:18
wife told me to go and think the problem I went to a doctor and she told me that
01:35:23
I have to put a phone every night in my hair and take a pill every day only some
01:35:29
minor side effects she told me like oh nothing to worry about you you know you get your hair back but you lose your sexual appetite as long as you take the
01:35:40
pill so I asked him like you know how long do I have to take the pills he told me for as long as you want the hair so other guys my was that a one-man play
01:35:58
John Leguizamo okay I'm continued to call Jamie enviros when asked why he was you know so adamant about what the virus
01:36:18
originated he said oh I like my viruses like I like my violin domestic this is good and they just keep going I love it yeah okay I can see Bob says but I
01:36:36
imagine that it's encouraging me from there dude he's dying laughing okay you know because last week he made a fan of cats and cat people do you know that
01:36:51
living with cats maker so this is called toxoplasmosis it makes you guys lose your sense of humor [Laughter]
01:37:03
if you don't laugh it funnier all right we're not gonna laugh now how did I sell the joke sell it sell it here we go okay
01:37:10
I don't know work out of work don't know laughs I don't work at strippers in Portland having started a new food delivery service called Bavarians well they deliver the food to your door
01:37:23
half-naked fantastic I haven't half beam grass bed since I was 10 okay my loved one promise I love you guys Ilan this stock market is the yo-yo in
01:37:39
up and down to the new stimulus package coincidentally the stimulus package is how I call my peanut and let me tell you
01:37:45
everybody's gonna get it yeah throwback back we called it a call back on this thank you so much why don't you give us a sign off say something vulgar and
01:37:57
Spanish to sign us off go ahead cuz then take us yeah ciao ciao I didn't understand what are you saying but it was pretty good it's really good yeah yeah well before we go
01:38:09
Bob I want to spray you down one more time before you go home no no one here close your eyes there you go it's all
01:38:15
natural you feel good lavender look in the camera and let them know thank you for leaving thank you for
01:38:22
being a bad friend [Music] you