00:00:00
two are bad friends who are these two idiots
00:00:06
you two are disgusting really YouTube or something we're bad friends ladies and
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gentlemen welcome my best buddy my best little tiny niece what's wrong with you
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she's like a depressed pill bug I'm scared of what tomorrow oh my God
00:00:24
because we're going to Austin Texas this will have aired already when we yeah I know but we can still express our
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feelings and you know what you shouldn't be scared did the Bobby was panicking in the car
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were you I know I wasn't what was I doing in the car she he was like breathing really fast
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and then he was like we're gonna we are gonna bomb yeah we are gonna bomb but that's okay that's okay and here's
00:00:51
why it's okay we'll be together me Bob and fancy if you were alone on
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the Titanic by yourself it'd be scary but with us so fun not fun but we'll
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drown together it'd be kind of fun yeah we'd make some jokes on the way down yeah yeah we'd be like I bet you that fat guy's gonna float you know I know
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you'd make a few you and I though you know what we here's the fight though we're like in the second deck the whole
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boat is submerged you and me are in the bottom of the boat yeah at the bottom because we're working there yeah we just we just got up to this but you know how
00:01:23
there's always that like little gap of air that people try to yeah yeah you and I will fight for that little tiny gap of
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air we'll head butt each other but then we'll end up kissing oh yeah and survive on each other's breaths yeah there wait there's us on
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the boat right there there's Bobby on the right yeah yeah that's yeah what are
00:01:40
you you're not even on there there's four Asians that died in the Titanic wait was there any Irish people that died on the Titanic that's where the
00:01:47
scum they were the scum on the boat have you ever seen the movie Titanic yes did you see 80 Asians in that [ __ ] movie
00:01:53
no those four guys were never represented we should make another Titanic too let's make our version me
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who else should be in it well there's some ugly Asians there um is that after they drowned
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that guy on the right looks like he has Barnacles on his face like from the bottom of the boat got stuck to his head
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on the way down yeah and the guy next to the guy in the far right you know what that thing on his head is on the right a
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shiitake mushroom they grow on them no no they don't grow but that's what they use when they do the wall oh yeah yeah
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yeah yeah yeah the guy to the the guy that left him looks a little a little Yakuza I mean he was going to kill
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somebody yeah yeah what's got in the second he's the money guy no that's obviously the money guy yeah the guy on
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the far left is them is he is actually this guy in the far left he's the most Debonair that was their version of like
00:02:43
uh the handsome guy they sent out like that's their James that's their James bone what if that was like um they're
00:02:49
like the Asian Rat Pack this is the show at the bottom of it yeah I mean how
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would that sound like what's the song well new The Rat Pack yeah yeah sing New
00:03:00
York New York I don't know the song that's the problem I'll just say New York New York New York
00:03:11
where dreams are made up look at this yeah Start Spreading the News
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my legs are wet I don't know why maybe it's so nervous you're peeing yourself
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he's poor bastards show me the Irish men that died on the boat yeah at least come back these potato [ __ ] lose they were
00:03:41
definitely in the bottom of the the Irish that died on the Titanic one guy here's one guy no one dude that's a
00:03:47
whole family look at that there they all go oh there they are oh that's me on the top right look at me in the top right yeah yeah it's just so angry look at all
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looks open mouth breathers look at how dumb these people were yeah yeah can you imagine going down do
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you ever get scared of boats no because I can swim uh yeah okay if you're in the
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middle of the [ __ ] ocean pool yeah you can swim yeah but I can just float
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oh oh you think you float you float you do listen so what you're saying to me right now Jules is that in the Titanic
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you're down there you're the manager of the Rat Pack the Asian Rat Pack yeah I'd probably just die because it's so cold
00:04:27
so it doesn't matter That's Right Bingo yeah you die for sure you're dead for sure I want to tell you something did I
00:04:33
talk about this on the show that I watched my favorite documentary I watched it again the someplace like
00:04:39
heaven about old people in Florida amazing what's it called a place like
00:04:44
heaven I told you someplace some kind of Heaven way off I talked about it on the show already look at the uh cover I
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think I've seen it before give me the cover of the DVD absolutely beautiful can I get the cover of the DVD with the
00:04:55
DVD well it's not DVD it's not there it's on Netflix it's on Hulu yeah beautiful about old people yeah I've
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seen that it just reminded me that you know what we're gonna die and we might as well soak it up while we're alive
00:05:08
because who knows how long we'll last yeah I don't think I'm gonna end up on one of those like uh retirement
00:05:14
communities yeah there's no way imagine you and I together though how much fun we would have they would Bocce nights we get kicked out we would get kicked we
00:05:21
totally get kicked out what would we do the later we'd probably do the podcast we do old man podcasts from late from an
00:05:27
old fight an old really old bad friends we change it very bad very old bad
00:05:32
friends there there you are there you are right now that's not me man that's us on the podcast the native dude right and that's me in the background well
00:05:39
let's tell the audience let's not kick around it Bobby is going to do how many episodes are you doing a reservation dogs I'm um
00:05:45
doing two episodes of reservation times why what to care what's the character called
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uh Dr Kang you're that you're playing another Asian doctor yeah I'm a doctor Dr Kang yeah
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yeah can you believe that they think you could pass for a doctor is he striking to me what do you mean give me one
00:06:03
doctor give me one medical term okay well um your metamorphosis
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my metamorphosis has metastasized yeah and the tumor is necessitized and it's
00:06:15
metamorphosized into a bigger tumor and we need to really get the scalpel and
00:06:21
um remove the mass that's inside your colon are you are you in my insurance Network
00:06:28
because I feel like I have to make sure that I don't I don't know if you're that that's not believable where did you go
00:06:33
to medical school I went to John Hopkins university pop Hopkins Bob Hoskins Bob Hodgkin's Disease yeah Bob Hodgkin's
00:06:40
Disease University and um we had a football team the Hodgkin Hawks
00:06:45
oh really yes and the Hodgkin Strokes stroke Hawks we were in the second division which one
00:06:53
of the football league the second division of the American national college football division two division
00:06:59
two we call it second division okay yeah so you know Tit for Tat yeah and we won
00:07:05
the conference that's right we did who's you guys playing the championship the uh DeVry you know
00:07:12
mesmerizers oh because they're mesmerized they Mesmerize you yeah yeah they're just talking to death right you
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know who could pass for a little doctor yeah you could be a little doctor no okay so how much patient right just
00:07:24
really focused on The Improv here and commit to it all right so I'm a doctor and I have you're a patient yeah I have
00:07:32
Lyme disease right and you have to explain to me what that is so
00:07:37
hey Doc I'll be the nurse yeah oh yeah doctor yeah this is uh Mr Bob Lee
00:07:45
um as we spoke about before all the vitals seem pretty normal except for an unusually uh small epididymis but
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everything else seems normal the gentleman blood results came back that he has of course Lyme disease and uh
00:07:57
would you like to take it from here and tell him what's going on um hi Mr Lee what's your name I'm Dr Kuhn
00:08:06
hello how are you good good start how's your day well I have [ __ ] Lyme disease but
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other than that you don't know that I don't know you just said it to her oh that's right but I overheard it she
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walked in the room oh yeah you're on the table kicking your legs start over you have to do your monologue
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again and come back here come back in right hello I was really your name is
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I'm Dr Kuhn how are you I feel great um this morning my little boy 12 years old
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Ramon uh got the uh the home run at the softball game and uh hit an old lady in
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the eye we don't know what's gonna happen to her but um he did win a trophy and I'm very excited okay
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um okay so you have Lyme disease didn't hear a word you said about like didn't even acknowledge didn't register you you
00:08:54
were like we could have killed someone she's like okay okay so you have lined to skipped right over it yeah go ahead
00:09:00
yeah you don't have to be scared I don't because it seems like a serious
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thing I'll explain it to you okay oh sorry my bad don't be scared okay okay so it's just
00:09:13
is stage three type of skin disease Lyme disease is skin disease yeah okay
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uh why are you asking the nurse I'm the doctor I know but I saw a documentary about lime disease I also know somebody
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that has it and if there's not a skin it's not a skin thing but anyway I might have a version that's I'm the doctor
00:09:33
why are you questioning I'm not questioning you I'm so sorry I had no idea that Lyme disease can go on the
00:09:38
skin right so that's all it's like a rash well you get it it comes through your skin from a right you get it from
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tick that's exactly right that's I know that that is true I'm back on board okay I'm back on board what do you have is
00:09:52
stage three I have a stage three skin Lyme disease yeah which means you're gonna die in six months six months isn't
00:10:01
bad yeah so tell your son congratulations uh-huh and
00:10:07
wait why is he congratulating his son on his death from the trophy [ __ ] my son though oh no no no but what you're
00:10:14
saying to me is there's no treatment no because well because of stage three no
00:10:20
because how many stages are there doctor yeah I'm still in medical school I don't know stage four there's there's four stars
00:10:27
one two three four so four you just die immediately they're secure stage three
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you die in six months what does stage four about what does stage four do an hour and a half yeah yeah you get like
00:10:38
there's a cure though what is it there's a cure but because you have pure Asian
00:10:46
oh no oh no here we go here it goes here's the racism
00:10:51
I view those racism involved in this what happens because I'm Asian what happens what's the color of a lime
00:10:59
alive is green green yeah but she thought a lime was yellow
00:11:05
yeah they let her follow through I know let
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her follow through not bad it's still good time is great
00:11:16
yellow there are yellow lemons let me tell you something you're gonna be Green With Envy when when everyone else is
00:11:22
alive and you're dead that's what's going on I'm just saying that there's no cure for yeah but what is the lime and
00:11:28
the green have anything to do with it because you just mentioned it he's about to cry again doc we just missed it I'm
00:11:34
just saying because you have yellow skin I have yellow skin and it might be the same as the lime
00:11:49
Google it please just in case because because if that's true then see there
00:11:55
are wow the doctor's really excitable this I
00:12:00
mean it has to be a bully about your education yeah yeah I didn't know and now I'm aware but please don't shame me
00:12:06
because I didn't know I just learned something new I'm almost dying it's dying in six months yeah so um since I
00:12:12
have yellow skin and I didn't know that the the the fruit lime had anything to
00:12:18
do with it because I thought lime was disease was spelled l-y-m-e me too actually yeah yeah and not l-i-m-e well
00:12:25
it sounds the same so it's fine okay okay that logic valid so there's nothing
00:12:31
I can do because I have the same color of skin as a [ __ ] lime yeah now Dr since I'm in medical school I'm just
00:12:36
curious if I got it being an orange person would I survive yeah um I think
00:12:42
so okay like but if he had orange disease yeah orange disease right that he would
00:12:50
die right hey if you're if you're gonna die in six months for real what's your what is your six months bike
00:12:55
oh [ __ ] that'd be tough man you want the real answer yeah um
00:13:01
I'd probably have to like really um get my life in order what do you mean
00:13:07
by that I would go to my accountants house office in Marina del Rey his house is
00:13:13
his office but go ahead that's true I do know that because I know you do I know you okay so I would go to his house then
00:13:18
you [ __ ] [ __ ] and he's a legit guy and I would just sit there and go let's
00:13:24
just look at all my finances I have to do a living will here oh yeah so um who gets what is the real
00:13:31
question and who does get what um I would go my I would go 50 50. with the
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house with kalila and my brother so they split the house yeah if they
00:13:45
want to sell it or but she's she's in it so then he's not living he's got to move in with her now no I'm just saying that
00:13:51
he he's half owner he could okay you know what I mean he my brother with my car yeah my new car the new car yeah
00:13:58
um I would also split my money probably 60 40. your brother my mom and my
00:14:05
brother but your mom does she need your money she could she's fine she's not but it's just like I can't die and then my
00:14:12
mom being okay what do I get nothing because you're old sure she is I know but I know you I gotta give her
00:14:17
something well you would just lie be like no no the accountant's gonna take care of you but then by the time you're dead and she doesn't know anybody so my
00:14:24
brother probably yeah um and Jules you would probably get some shoes a little bit of shoes yes a couple
00:14:31
of gold couple of shoes what else what would you want that I have that if I died what would you want be
00:14:37
real your PS5 that's a big one [ __ ] man you gotta give her that one you got my
00:14:42
PS4 or you could take that one with you you know people do get buried with stuff now yeah I want things buried so yeah I want a cat and a dog so a live one yeah
00:14:51
they die with you they could eat my corpse yeah that makes sense I don't want it also formaldehyde I don't want any of that I want to be organic so you
00:14:58
want to be in one of those bodysuits when I'm yeah when I went open casket but organic right so nothing's preserved
00:15:05
right I just want people able to see who I really have become rotting away yes all right so I just want chunks of skin
00:15:12
like you know what I mean yeah and just and I want people everyone has to look
00:15:17
oh and it says must look as you walk you must look if you don't have a big Arrow I'm gonna have
00:15:24
um who's a big guy that we know like famous yeah it's a guy to be able to direct people's heads into the oh yeah
00:15:32
if they look away I know who that big dude that works at the store you know the guy that um the grizzly Big Bear
00:15:37
what's his name who the K1 you know there's a big Grizzly dude
00:15:43
what's his name a Merv yeah yes yeah yeah yeah so but Merv is a big guy right big guy yeah and maybe Guam you know
00:15:50
Guam at the store you know Guam made out with Paul Abdul do you not know this story
00:15:56
I feel like this is his story to tell but he's not going to be on the show to be able to tell it but for my wife why can't he be why can't Guam be on the
00:16:02
show I get it you know why yeah anyway there's a young lady present yeah
00:16:09
yeah so why none of your business business no Guam is a guy that works at the store he's a great comic very he's
00:16:14
from literally Guam I love him he's great yeah yeah this has happened I don't care if you don't know the story
00:16:20
like a week and a half ago Paula Abdul shows up to The Comedy Store wasted and
00:16:25
I mean wasted and she shows up with like three different girls and Guam is the only person up at the front and he's
00:16:31
like hey ladies are you do you do you guys are you coming into the show does Guam represent I mean I represent
00:16:37
recognize um Paula bill of course immediately but that's why he was like what are they doing out on the sidewalk like they were just hanging out drunk
00:16:43
yeah and he and he's like are you guys coming into the show and she's like
00:16:48
um we want to watch Comedy but you know like we're where should we go and he's like let me take care of you so he walks
00:16:53
around to the back I wish we could call him I don't have his number he'll tell you this whole story walks him around to the back okay gets them a booth and
00:17:00
makes a joke makes a joke and says uh what do we want for breakfast tomorrow like as if they're all gonna have a
00:17:06
sleepover and she's like very funny dude she laughs grabs his arm and pulls him close and is laughing cracking up loving
00:17:12
it okay I don't know if that's it's that funny but let me tell you something okay he sits them down he goes let me get you
00:17:17
guys around to drinks get them around to drink great move dude gets them around to drinks get ready you always give the
00:17:22
alcohol like more alcohol he puts the drinks down and she kisses him right in the mouth but not make out
00:17:29
no kisses him on the lips but get ready yeah then he thinks she must be just goofing around yeah walks away yeah then
00:17:36
when he comes back yeah there she wants him around all the time she's like take me out here Guam is escorting
00:17:42
Paul Abdul Around The Comedy Store and look at me in the face when I say this kissed him no less than 10 times there are multiple Witnesses multiple
00:17:49
Witnesses tongue kissing kiss all over the place just kissing kissing kissing kissing that's insane
00:17:54
get ready it gets even better okay by the end of the night they're ready to go and she's getting in a car or whatever yeah
00:18:00
he's flirting with her even more because now he's like shooting a shot yeah and he's like well let me just get your number
00:18:05
she gives him her number I am not making this up and he kisses
00:18:11
her again in the car and all her friends are like ooh and he's been texting with Paul Abdul okay can I say something this
00:18:17
is 100 a true story and nothing against Guam I really like him yeah how can we call him I I I really like
00:18:25
him right yeah but it's like a store this is the story that I heard you know Kate Blanchett she met with a homeless
00:18:30
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00:21:05
application upstairs it's not that much he's a lovable dude
00:21:11
he's a lovable Duke very funny that's how shocking it is to me he's like it's he's been texting with
00:21:18
Paul Abdul do you know Charlie Hill no who's that so Charlie Hill was the only Native American stand-up comic right
00:21:24
so okay so there he is I see the guy that cried in the trash commercial no
00:21:30
bro bro
00:21:36
if anyone people listening are too young right well show a kill clip of that in
00:21:41
the 70s it was it they did like adult litter commercial right so it was a commercial you'll be watching cartoons
00:21:46
and then all of a sudden you'd see you know a Native American man in on a horse there he is you know I mean on a cliff
00:21:52
right and he would see trash well cars would drive by and they would throw look at
00:21:59
there's he's in a canoe canoeing down the LA River there after a
00:22:06
strong rain and look at all that trash yeah
00:22:11
pan out look at all the boats and the oil and it would all look at all the destruction that the white man has done that's all of it right there yeah
00:22:18
and I agree with all that by the way look at that mucking it up he can't even get to the shore oh my God there's trash at the
00:22:25
shore tracks up his canoe
00:22:33
yeah yeah that's me I've done that before I've
00:22:40
literally oh one one tier one tier now imagine
00:22:47
that guy keep America beautiful the cab org imagine that guy now looking at La now he would just be he was just not one
00:22:55
gear he would just be in a trauma by the way can we go back and show real fast the amount of trash inside of that
00:23:02
[ __ ] bag who throws away that look at how much [ __ ] trash yeah that's insane look at all that yeah why do you
00:23:09
put a pumpkin yeah yeah
00:23:14
that's literally a pumpkin in there that's such a comical amount of trash
00:23:20
can I just say this too with this [ __ ] editing right it is bad because the bag is empty he threw out a bag that
00:23:25
was obviously empty and then they throw down a gigantic so this is propaganda once again empty bag in there there's no
00:23:32
orange there's nothing in there right and then now cut two editing full huge [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:23:39
I think there's a dragon's head yeah it's insane that's insane you don't know
00:23:44
that you've never seen that campaign that was a big deal and also by the way it worked it worked because it made
00:23:50
people feel bad and I think that was probably part of the inspiration for now the littering finds are huge when you litter so Charlie Hill right God bless
00:23:56
Charlie Hill that dude made love to the original Wonder Woman
00:24:02
oh what's her name uh uh Linda Carter is that right yeah Linda
00:24:07
Carter that's that's a sadness okay so so rich made love to Linda Carter not
00:24:12
rich Charlie Hill Rich Charlie Hill yeah Charlie Hunnam Charlie Hill was a
00:24:18
stand-up comic Grant Hill okay and his opening list was hey how are you hey how
00:24:24
are you [ __ ] off I swear to God he made love to Wonder Woman yeah would they dated or
00:24:31
was it because this is honestly dude back in the 70s right comedy was so hot
00:24:36
right yeah and you know you Remember The Comedy Store you could make I'm not kidding you if you did just The Comedy
00:24:43
Store alone and you played Westwood Hollywood um San Diego in Vegas in just a year you
00:24:49
can make 250 000 a year [ __ ] you yeah in the 70s if you were doing stand-up that's like 10 million dollars I know
00:24:57
that's how hot comedy was and if you just did stand up on like a Tuesday night they just threw [ __ ] at you Jesus
00:25:04
you know what I mean he was the only Native American and probably Inc she probably watched that [ __ ] commercial
00:25:09
with the [ __ ] Native American Crime and he was really good looking that guy by the way yeah who that [ __ ] uh
00:25:15
Charlie Charlie Hill yeah he's a good looking guy one of the nicest guys in the world I get I get that she would
00:25:21
want to hook up with him it's no wonder she would want to hook up with him look at that guy beautiful head of hair great body yeah back then right back Rudy says
00:25:28
he's hot yeah that's a hot guy I like his hair you like his long wavy hair yeah hey how are you I mean that's so
00:25:34
funny yeah I'm sure he killed yeah but it's like you know because I knew him when I started he was still around oh my
00:25:40
God one of the nicest guys in the world man is he alive is he gone no when he died he died maybe four or five years
00:25:45
ago and um right before he died what well I can't even visited him where
00:25:54
at the hospital in uh Scripps oh yeah and I had a bag full of trash
00:26:01
and I just I just dumped it and then Betty just started slowly crying just
00:26:07
dumped out of his body Bobby please no no I didn't do that by the way you're gonna get canceled off of the reservation dog show now we made some
00:26:13
Native American jokes I didn't make any I'm T we're kidding I'm gonna make anything fun are you excited to go do
00:26:18
that show in Oklahoma no less they shoot on a res huh yeah it what's
00:26:24
amazing about that show is that fox yeah Kirk's on it Bill Burr's on it uh Birds on it yeah oh [ __ ] that's great
00:26:31
marks on it yep and um yo what's great about it is that it's
00:26:37
the oh the whole writing staff is native everyone yeah the director is native good showrunners are native good yeah
00:26:43
it's about Native culture yeah and I'm glad that they hired a career guy you're literally well the reason why they did is because
00:26:49
um you know Sterling the showrunner um he grew up on the reservations and
00:26:54
for some reason all the doctors are Korean really yeah why are the Korean doctors I
00:27:02
don't know why maybe Koreans are lazier than the Chinese doctors I don't know what it is I mean it's probably there's Mahjong there
00:27:09
yeah you guys love gambling we do yeah you love gambling yeah which Asian culture
00:27:15
loves gambling the most Chinese right yeah the Chinese love it and they're good at it they're pretty good at it because I go to the casino and I see
00:27:21
them they're [ __ ] High rolling big money the Chinese yeah I just don't like the um
00:27:26
the the Chinese dealers why they're just so arrogant the attitude they win well
00:27:31
they they also [ __ ] up when they win they love to watch it
00:27:36
right in your face yeah yeah I don't like that they love to take your [ __ ] money whenever you lose and they always go oh
00:27:42
yeah yeah too bad too bad too bad yeah yeah yeah but um do you gamble good you know
00:27:49
honestly every time we play a casino I still can't get over looking at Carlos with hair did you not say anything to his new hair
00:27:55
he saw it last night oh you should glue it to your head it's glued I have to put like a solvent on it that's glued to
00:28:03
your scalp yeah it was like a professional stay on for two weeks oh my God but I'm taking it off tonight why
00:28:08
because I'm going to Texas tomorrow I don't want to like I think it looks like I do I honestly because you're doing the
00:28:13
are you gonna be on stage with us I mean no I'm just going to take pictures and stuff right right I think it'd be cool
00:28:19
that you would have that because they would be like because they know who you are some people because you do trash chooses as well so it's like I think
00:28:25
it'd be funny just to have the [ __ ] toupee I like it without the hair yeah I feel
00:28:31
like women like me natural and all the guys are like keep the hair yeah what do you think I mean I well I first of all I
00:28:37
didn't know it was glued to your head I thought you could just take it off are you gonna just would you style it can
00:28:43
you style it I can't they I could go get a haircut or something like that yeah I think it looks good though don't you I
00:28:49
mean I feel like I don't believe Bobby no I I feel like I know I feel like because I've known you for a very long
00:28:54
time okay and whatever your head's great you know what I mean but what I'm saying is that what I I can't believe that it
00:29:01
looks realistic I don't know if it does really yeah because no it's because you're so used
00:29:06
to looking at it right but if like somebody didn't know you you wouldn't know that that was a toupee did you would you
00:29:12
he just looks more like a creep oh really and that balding [ __ ] incel
00:29:18
look that he had before is fine let me see pull it back and let's see what it looks like oh that looks weird that doesn't look
00:29:24
nice and it's glue yeah it's glue yeah yeah like if I ripped it off it would hurt like hell yeah I think like the
00:29:29
hair I have would like be ripped off with it yeah I think that's what I would
00:29:34
do though if I was balding what just do that Vibe I like that because you could change it around you could do it but I
00:29:39
mean the glue part that's like in it you have to rip it off your [ __ ] head yeah well I have to get a Q-tip put
00:29:45
solvent at the end and then slowly like put it into my head and then take it off like peel it off slowly oh [ __ ] that
00:29:53
yeah it's gonna be a long night I want to share it with something with you that happened to me today in therapy
00:29:58
I'd like to share something with you that happened to me as well go share first no I'd love you to share first please share first please go ahead I
00:30:05
will thank you um next time I say I'm going to share something don't double down and say
00:30:10
you're gonna share something okay that's what I is that what you learned in there sounds like you're really it's really
00:30:17
hitting strides so um I have really dip because you know I
00:30:22
have the OCD thing and the obsessive compulsive thing so what I've been doing is um
00:30:29
you know I used to like touch door knobs three times touch Kyla three times you know with my feet you know turn around
00:30:36
the movie theater you know you know all my little things yeah your cracks ticks and this and that right so over the last
00:30:41
three months I've just weeded that out of my life so if I if I touch a doorknob right I
00:30:49
just go don't touch it again you leave it alone yeah and it passes the feeling really yeah and now it doesn't happen
00:30:56
did you think if you didn't touch it someone would die you know that's a common thing people think like something's got bad is going to happen What die slowly oh definitely oh you
00:31:04
would like yeah Lyme disease oh from the skin six months yeah stage three I
00:31:09
imagine yeah yeah Dr [ __ ] this is something yeah Dr [ __ ] told me but
00:31:14
um yeah I something Dreadful I don't it's not a specific thing like but something bad is gonna happen if I
00:31:21
don't do this right and if I do do it something good is going to happen right like the world will be good again yeah or you know like you're the butterfly
00:31:27
effect yeah I'll get a Marvel movie oh we know that's not yeah anyway so um
00:31:33
she's helped me audition for like three Marvel movies and never get them never gonna call back anyway let's move on um
00:31:40
you're in Borderlands is a huge movie yeah I mean that's huge is it not it
00:31:46
might be but that's like isn't that from the world of uh it's not it was a comic book though video game Oh Oh I thought
00:31:52
it was a comic book yeah anyway so but what is what my OCD has turned into is something very weird what
00:32:00
it's um if you look at my drawers in the kitchen and she's you shouldn't see in the boxes
00:32:06
I literally have um like if you work like I have more
00:32:12
sunflower seeds then you would see at a Walmart or something
00:32:17
but you you're put you're filling your drawers with sunflower seeds not just filling them I have like store boxes why
00:32:26
I I'm obsessed with it are you chewing them all day long yeah and so at night are you spitting them out are you
00:32:32
chewing yeah so I have jars next to my bed right and I fill them with sunflower
00:32:38
but the thing is there's so much salt in it yeah that hurts my neck so I can't sleep
00:32:43
and I wake up super sick I feel sick you're eating enough sunflower seeds to hurt your neck yes
00:32:49
like I don't even think that I think if we call them they'd be like we've never heard of that before yeah yeah it's well because you know I had a glue thing I
00:32:56
know but glue you weren't eating glue I know but I was still obsessively doing it so it's at the same version of why
00:33:01
I'm doing it can we get you back on glue no it's like no I'm trying to weed out all that because if they're all but it
00:33:07
sounds like you're supplementing one thing for another that's exactly what I'm doing well so so that's exactly what it is
00:33:14
yeah yeah they're very healthy they've got look at that rich in nutrients sunflower seeds relatively high in calories these are the downsides oh
00:33:20
sprouted seeds stool blockages oh have you have you been able to poop no when was the last time you pooped days
00:33:26
you haven't pooped in days yeah well let's get you a stool softener like in fact I was at the in and out first of
00:33:31
all I went to in and out last night I have a couple of there's a stool softener right there yeah I have a couple of qualms okay go ahead things
00:33:37
that have a couple of guams yeah okay
00:33:45
um number one um I went to the in and out and um my number was 27 right and
00:33:52
they called number 90. yeah I [ __ ] hate when they do that [ __ ] you know and
00:33:57
I'm sitting there with it I'm like 27. I already because I heard one you know what I mean maybe 30 minutes
00:34:03
ago 24 yeah yeah now it's 90. 486. yeah I [ __ ] so I walk up to them
00:34:10
and I and it's also at in and out if you're if you're not from California you don't have an in and out there they have
00:34:16
two things yeah a single hamburger or a double hamburger or fries there's no onion ring
00:34:23
that's all they have yeah that's what they're making right so it's like I'm like hey I finally went up there had the
00:34:30
courage you know I had the courage to do it the balls yeah and I go um I
00:34:36
you're at 90. and I'm 27. I just got a double cheeseburger right and he's they're like
00:34:43
it's coming meanwhile their 90 is the same thing I mean as what I got just take 90. so I go
00:34:50
can I get 90 no and then they then they talk to the manager this is that oh we got to remake it we don't know what
00:34:56
happened you didn't make it in the first place it got to 109 and I finally got it
00:35:01
27 was sitting that long you got passed by everybody yes I was there for an hour okay so that's number my number one call
00:35:08
so wait do you have to something to say to In and Out go ahead and say it to your camera and tell them I'm just saying you know listen you don't make a
00:35:14
lot of [ __ ] so if how about this after 20 numbers pass right if I'm you know I
00:35:20
mean the guy waiting I should just be able to grab the next thing whatever's there yeah in fact I think in and out if they
00:35:27
wanted to make it more efficient because they just make burgers and fries yeah they should just keep making them and people just come up and grab whatever
00:35:33
they need just pay and grab what you need but you need a ticket why [ __ ] it at some point yeah yeah just pay gravity
00:35:39
I don't know what to do that's good pay and grab it and go what you do charge one whole one round number 20 bucks
00:35:46
because you can never eat twenty dollars of in and out on your own you to get in the building you have to pay twenty
00:35:51
dollars and then have as much as you want you can get anything you want it's amazing it would be a free-for-all because all of a sudden some fat guy
00:35:57
comes in it's a free-for-all yeah but let him but by the way oh we would stand back you did we'd have a fat section oh
00:36:04
the different division no but I think they should I in and out should really what if you did 20 bucks because what is an average meal in and out eight dollars
00:36:11
twelve dollars ten dollars yeah so 20 bucks is way more than you would spend but it's 20 bucks just to just be able
00:36:16
to grab stuff and go that'd be great wow yeah but people would fight over like one comes and and they'll you what
00:36:22
happens if if I touch it first if I touch it first there's a bouncer at the door and we're only letting in so many people at a time uh so it's not chaos
00:36:29
you regulate how many people get in right is this good Rudy would you do this yeah you do that right can I be
00:36:36
like one of the Securities and if they don't follow I can just hurt them yeah you better believe it of course you
00:36:42
better believe knives as well you're good you're good at knife right here's my second qualm and I don't know
00:36:48
I'm not gonna name the person please all right I can't please I was at the Improv last night hmm it's a comedy club in
00:36:55
Hollywood you were at the store before right didn't I see I didn't have a spot at the store oh yeah two nights ago yeah anyway I was at the Improv and I'm
00:37:02
closing out the show okay um the woman before me who's a friend
00:37:08
did 40 minutes she supposed to do 15. I know who it was and I went up to the
00:37:14
manager who's I love by the way if you go to the Improv you go down the hallway there's
00:37:20
two pretty good photos of me and Andrew side by side they put us together it actually warmed my [ __ ] heart right in the hallway we're together and you
00:37:25
know when I first moved to LA and I went to The Improv they wouldn't even let me in that club same and it's really cool to see in the main hallway our photo I
00:37:33
know I love the rides it's great so wait a minute so you knew you knew this person was dropping in or no she was on
00:37:38
the lineup oh she was yes wow right so I [ __ ] mean so I walked up to the
00:37:44
manager and I and I just and I'm trying to see here's this deal I'm trying to be
00:37:49
cool Mindful and grown up about situations because before I would have
00:37:55
made a stink you would have freaked I would [ __ ] out freak the [ __ ] out but now I'm going calm down let's do this
00:38:01
just like as a normal human being sure right no Revenge I love Revenge Koreans love Revenge I
00:38:08
know but you're also storing it up a little bit no I walked up to you let this go no I went to Rita and go hello
00:38:14
she's like hi I go what is the when can I leave
00:38:21
how long do you wait until a comic goes all right I can't wait any longer I
00:38:27
think okay look the spots are 15 minutes yes I think if you've done two spots if you've done 30 minutes I'm gonna go home
00:38:34
right I'm gonna go home and you waited 40 minutes yeah that's a long time like 35 minutes yeah you're I think 30 is the
00:38:40
cutoff you if you double the spot then I'm Gonna Leave right and she's like please don't go
00:38:46
right and so I stayed you're very sweet right but then this is what I did and I
00:38:52
don't know if this is healthy or not right I'm gonna my guess is no [Music]
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00:41:59
even though it was getting laughs right I would you know I mean I would go back
00:42:04
and make fun of the person and make fun of the person yeah I think that's all fair but in a hostile kind of way which
00:42:10
was getting laughs like what would you say she was doing a thing where she was trying to improvise on stage right so
00:42:16
she was you know um walking up to everyone in the audience and going what's your sign what's your oh you're
00:42:23
uh Pisces that she would make the way they'd make fun of the way they would say it and so when I went up on stage
00:42:29
every once while in between jokes I would go what's your sign to people oh that's funny no I think that's funny and
00:42:34
then just look at the crowd like like so somebody was like Aquarius what do you say no they wouldn't they I would
00:42:39
say what's your sign they would get automatically laugh because they know what I was making fun of was that person still in the room no she had gone of
00:42:45
course she did I'm making a joke right right yeah so they don't even know you did it and it's just funny and I think that's harmless well now they know because I said it on this podcast
00:42:52
that person doesn't listen to this podcast that is true in my life no but um so what I'm asking
00:42:59
you right is what is the healthiest thing to do in that situation see I think you handled it right you waited
00:43:05
you spoke to the manager that was mature you didn't freak out and you said hey is it like I kind of want to leave yeah
00:43:10
because this is not okay and that's healthy and then when you got on stage light ribbing
00:43:16
in our world I think is [ __ ] totally kosher I think that's okay you weren't being rude or mean yeah you were you
00:43:23
know what it's an homage you were just tipping the hat like hey remember that joke that's I'm doing that too because
00:43:28
obviously I don't know anything about science well in the beginning I was just like one more time for a one hour special funny Gotta Laugh right funny
00:43:35
the thing you know I mean but in my heart I was just like you're just really
00:43:41
kind of angry and kind of resentful it's okay I'll tell you this it's coming out in a weird way it doesn't sound angry
00:43:47
does that sound angry to you no if a comet goes too much time and you don't know a lot about this but if you're an
00:43:53
audience member and you see a comic do a lot of time you know it's more than the other thing I know the difference no listen a comic does more than the other
00:43:59
comedy clubs let me try it okay a comic does more time than the other ones and you're like wow this is a lot longer
00:44:05
yeah and then the next comic that gets on makes a few jokes about how long it was is that are you gonna be like why
00:44:11
would he do that are you gonna go that's funny if it's funny I would laugh yeah you'd laugh okay she's a good barometer for almost
00:44:17
everything have you done that made fun of the the only time I've ever made fun of the comic before me is when they say something about me ah yeah
00:44:25
because like I told you me and Marin do this thing every time he brings me on yeah if you can't find me when you bring me out yeah but you're one of my best
00:44:31
friends that's different but if it's someone if it's someone I know but it's always it's always sweet I've never had
00:44:37
a case where somebody said something [ __ ] up and then I went up after and said something mean but I have had
00:44:42
something where a comic I I told you this that I had to
00:44:50
tell me well because I'm gonna tell you another thing we I think maybe I've told
00:44:55
it I played the United Center in Chicago with Rogan and being back in Chicago was big deal it was huge yeah and we were
00:45:02
with another comedian and look he had to go cold which sucked he had to open cold it was super [ __ ]
00:45:08
hard in an arena where they're still seating and so he was kind of struggling through it he was trudging like and he was doing a good job to his credit but
00:45:15
like it was still hard because they're talking they're sitting there getting beer and popcorn and it's like [ __ ] people it's an arena it's nuts and
00:45:24
as he's getting off they're slowly still settling in and chatting and I'm like well what the [ __ ] what am I going to do
00:45:30
now because I have to do this uphill battle [ __ ] terrible so I made a I made a couple jokes about him
00:45:37
and they loved it and he was okay with it yeah because it wasn't mean yeah what
00:45:42
were the jokes just throw one up
00:45:49
I was like you know no I didn't say anything crass okay but he took it the
00:45:54
right way because I needed to like use whatever I said something about the last thing he said about me to bring me on because I was it was like I was in a
00:46:02
[ __ ] weird spot yeah your family there yes and I felt bad though that's always embarrassing immediately I was
00:46:07
like [ __ ] if I don't say anything to piggyback what he said I'm gonna be another guy out there just kind of struggling to get their attention right
00:46:13
because they're waiting for they're waiting for [ __ ] Rogan anyway and then afterwards afterwards your family has to come he did fine oh yeah I mean
00:46:20
no I mean the elements were against you but I thought you you know I ended up doing good because of it so I will say he kind of helped me he did this thing
00:46:26
like helped my foot jump so I could okay so let me ask you this okay this is the problem I had this weekend I don't think
00:46:32
we've talked about it right and I'm going to throw a name in it and you don't have to cut it out right
00:46:37
because it's it's not against him okay but so I'm at the store I I think you
00:46:45
know the problem go ahead why why why did that look let's go ahead all
00:46:52
right well all right so I'm about to go up you know at my club that I started at
00:46:58
your home Club it's my home club right um yeah and the manager walks up and she
00:47:04
said um you're not going up right now
00:47:09
and I go okay wife perhaps may I say you know in
00:47:15
the most healthy way I mean very polite yeah perhaps may say how why the circumstances why right and she says
00:47:22
because um aziza's going up yeah right
00:47:28
let me say something about disease okay very funny man sure
00:47:34
I haven't really talked to him much in my life but I don't know why every time I see him we hug
00:47:39
that's nice it's a nice thing yeah it's nice I mean and he's said really his
00:47:44
intros have always been really like really cool that's nice really nice yeah but I go
00:47:51
why would you would ask do I have a say in it
00:47:56
and they go nope he just gets to go up before you right
00:48:02
so the rage comes up oh yeah right and then I have to pull over Mark Maron
00:48:07
because Mark Maron well he'll support any kind of Rage yeah yeah he loves rage he lives in Rage love right and I knew
00:48:14
that once I said it he would go off a little bit right so I needed to hear that sure support and he feeds into mine
00:48:21
like yeah you're right like that's what you know I shouldn't have done that
00:48:26
because boundaries or whatever right and so um I went to I wrote a text to the
00:48:33
telegrator and see if this is something that was adult-like okay okay
00:48:39
I said may I have a list of all the comedians
00:48:45
that have the power to bump to bump yeah because two weeks before that before
00:48:51
Chris Rock did you know got slapped in the face what I don't know if you know but um you know Friday and Saturday he
00:48:57
bumped me twice which I didn't have a problem with because it's Christmas rock right yeah Dave Chappelle I don't have a problem
00:49:03
with it you know and um Bill Burr I probably don't have a
00:49:08
problem they're just certain people I don't have a problem with yeah I think Bill's probably one of them that's okay oh that's okay right right yeah um yeah
00:49:15
I think because I don't have a relationship with Aziz that's what it is I think that's what it is that um I
00:49:21
might have he's also not at store guy that's also another thing you know what I mean and um I asked her I never got
00:49:27
the list I never got the list we should call her live on the show and ask what no I think
00:49:33
we should she would lose her mind if you have a panic attack I know but my
00:49:39
point though is is that don't you think that if all the clubs got talked I told I talked to Ernie Adams about it if all
00:49:44
the clubs had a list that said here's people that can bump you they just you know Sarah Silverman I mean the list right so when it does happen you know I
00:49:52
mean I know I can refer to the list refer to the list yeah and I I can go Jimmy Walker is on the list this can
00:49:59
happen you know it's numbered so that when they come out to you they go five's bumping you and you go to the kitchen right yeah you look at it oh five five
00:50:05
is okay I didn't know if I was in town yeah I didn't know Carrot Top was in town yeah so yeah he has the ability my point is is this is that I think the
00:50:12
comedy clubs should have a list because there are some names right that are
00:50:18
um you're a little on the border right you think Aziz Is On The Border no I I
00:50:23
not he's done okay I want to say this here's what it is he's funnier than I am
00:50:30
he's done more in the business and he has more of a prestigious
00:50:35
Vibe about him you know what I mean okay I really believe that I thought his Show
00:50:40
on Netflix was amazing I thought his stand-up is just more evolved than not mine is I just admit that he beat me up
00:50:48
what's so funny
00:50:53
all right George let's not get onto somebody's [ __ ] list here uh can you imagine [ __ ] you get a text from Aziz
00:50:58
it's like hey what's up with that guy [ __ ] [ __ ] on me with a white hat on your show yeah yeah
00:51:04
um so you know what do you think look I I don't know him I in fact have
00:51:10
never I don't know anything about him I genuinely don't I've never seen him really like I know his show yeah I know
00:51:16
he's a comedian I've never seen his specials I've never seen a set but I know him super well from Parks and you
00:51:22
see him everywhere but I also think he is at a place where you're at a place
00:51:29
where that club should not bump you for him
00:51:38
recently did some favors for the club right right like our bad friends Netflix
00:51:44
show that we're doing bad friends and friends I don't even know when we're doing for the Netflix the Netflix is doing a Comedy Festival in LA and Andrew
00:51:52
and I just agreed with it we didn't want to do it at first I still don't want to do it
00:51:59
yeah but we're doing it I guess for the club so I felt like after I [ __ ] did
00:52:06
that right then these are then you don't get bumped you're on at least for one
00:52:11
time on the no bump list yeah am I I'm on the bump list would you be on the bump list I get
00:52:17
bumped still I get oh I'm on the bump oh yeah being there should be another list who can get people that can get bombed
00:52:24
yeah yeah on that list I'm on that list I'm getting I'm 80th though I don't think I'm in the top no you're not one
00:52:30
of the first guys to get bumped yeah yeah but you're on the bump list I I'll definitely on the bump list and that being said yeah because he's came
00:52:35
through and was like whoa Bobby and then he bumped you yeah I saw you on the list he's on the bubble list yeah he saw that you're somewhere on it even though
00:52:41
you're at the tail end of it yeah so we should have um you know a clear-cut list I want
00:52:46
people listening right now to see if I'm you know I mean on the do you think that I'm like maybe
00:52:53
exaggerating or I think you're acting like a little [ __ ] about it what do you Carlos and Carlos is begging you know
00:52:58
honestly Carlos there is one thing Bobby's leaving out of the story because I was there with Bobby when this happened oh yeah that's right you were
00:53:04
there you were there yeah you were there you were there you were there yeah so comedy store management maybe three
00:53:10
minutes in goes Bobby do you want me to go talk to Aziz like they're about to handle the whole situation and Bobby
00:53:17
just yells out no
00:53:26
all right so you're about to piss me off right now because she comes up to me you were there right
00:53:32
I was there yeah and she goes I'm sorry but Aziz is gonna go up before you right
00:53:38
yeah and I had no option there right until and then I started making a stink
00:53:44
a little bit wait no I okay go ahead no this is actually all right go ahead sorry walking in you know what the
00:53:52
toupee is really um adding to your little arrogance here man it's just memory all right go ahead
00:53:59
I'll just say this unbutton one more button just for yeah Aziz walks into the
00:54:04
OR and I know Bobby's up next and I look at Bobby to my left and I go like that right before I even turn back
00:54:11
around to Bobby he's already in the parking lot pissed because I already know what's gonna happen I know but he's
00:54:17
saying you they gave you an out no they didn't that's not true Carlos okay I go
00:54:22
to the parking lot after that right because you do this [ __ ] mime it was it was like this yeah like you're an air
00:54:29
like you're an airplane let's start this war so is your two pay on last night and
00:54:36
there wasn't enough no it wasn't and when you when you did this right when I looked at the situation I knew what was
00:54:42
about to happen right you just kind of know you have a gut feeling about it right so instead of like you know
00:54:49
reaching out or just being you know because I I'm also a kiss ass so like he was doing this is Jesus would
00:54:55
look at me NBA I would smile at him hey Aziz hi big fan big fan right I go to the parking lot
00:55:02
then Jan comes up to me right and says this is gonna happen right then she
00:55:08
walks away right and now I'm calling in everyone asking for the list yeah of
00:55:14
people who yeah were you there yeah you were all about the list yeah I was all
00:55:19
about the list yeah because it was I thought it was a clever idea it is yeah man I go Tada we should have a list we
00:55:27
should have a list yeah right and then she comes back and she goes because I feel like you or Esther because Esther
00:55:33
was there too went and said something to her because Esther kept saying she kept saying
00:55:38
I want to say something why because she was gonna get bumped too no she was already gone up yeah but she
00:55:44
was just trying to defend my honor or whatever was she stoned who does she think she is probably I know didn't she
00:55:50
say that yeah she I think she did go up and talk to someone yeah so then Jen comes back to me and she's like do you
00:55:55
want me to go stop this but the the but now imagine this right he has not
00:56:01
already told that he's about to go up right now Jen's gonna come back and goes Bobby's making a stink I didn't want
00:56:07
that I don't think she would say it that way I think yeah I think it would have just been like regardless I'm trying to think
00:56:13
on the spot here baby well can I tell you what you should have done in retrospect okay go ahead for the future yeah when they go about he's gonna go be
00:56:18
like he can't I have to go because I got an I've got a thing tonight that I have to go to I don't even I don't have any more time that's lying
00:56:24
and that's true yeah lie so [ __ ] who gives a [ __ ] yeah just go I have to go to a thing or can we can this be a thing
00:56:32
just be honest go no I don't feel comfortable with that right because I
00:56:38
have a spot at 10 and I'm going up a 10. that's my spot I wanted to be I wanted that to be my spot no it's just the way
00:56:44
it is yeah I'm I'm 10 and that should be the case you know and now you know you can argue
00:56:50
about the validity of like who's more famous or who has more power or and all
00:56:56
that stuff you know I'm willing to get into that conversations about wielding power is something we're trying to get rid of in Hollywood aren't we yeah so
00:57:03
and I I also want to defend can I just defend that interesting isn't it I want to defend this too okay
00:57:10
when Sebastian monoscalco calls in he calls in like everyone else he does
00:57:16
right and he gets a spot he does with his name on right now there are some
00:57:22
Comics right that don't want to be advertised but they still want to get a spot so they don't bump people so they
00:57:28
go in with a pseudonym right right Mary Jones Yeah a different name right and then uh but then some
00:57:37
comics decide to just show up it's interesting yeah it's interesting and do you think
00:57:43
Bobby given your meteoric rise that you're having as a comedian and a performer and because I think when you
00:57:49
come off a reservation dogs I think you don't be sarcastic I think you're going to be able to bump and will you bump one
00:57:55
day because let's be honest do you think you're gonna bump no you'll never bump George is nodding yes you think I would
00:58:02
oh for sure come on look at this bro do you think you're not a bumper bro George
00:58:08
just really made me mad right now and I'm trying to be mindful give it to him all right you absolutely have no idea what the
00:58:15
[ __ ] you're talking about hit him harder you [ __ ] piece of white scumbag to him and lay into the white stuff you
00:58:21
Nazi [ __ ] more white stuff right you country redneck piece of [ __ ] I like that turd [ __ ] box more more more right
00:58:28
they get racist bigot yeah big scumbag yeah you guys are just like living [ __ ] shitbox plantation owners
00:58:36
Plantation people keep going I don't want to I feel like that's enough no that's enough yeah uncircumcised
00:58:41
uncircumcised see that's one right thank you for that double circumcised double
00:58:47
you got rid of more skin okay I I just you had that much skin hey [ __ ] face listen to me okay the reason why
00:58:54
Sebastian monosacco right calls in for a spot is because him and I grew up in the
00:59:00
era of not just bumps but people doing three hours bumping and doing three
00:59:07
hours before you yeah right so I witnessed what it does right so I'm
00:59:13
extremely sensitive about it right in fact I've been in shows where I've went
00:59:19
to see somebody and somebody went hey can you please go up you know when you're at a club and
00:59:25
you're just there to go up right I wouldn't even go up because I don't want to bump anybody
00:59:31
have you ever bumped anybody no I haven't so it's weird that you would even say that I would when there are
00:59:37
circumstances where I [ __ ] can do it you feel better yeah you could would you
00:59:44
bum people yeah no but well let me ask you this a
00:59:50
scenario you're in La Jolla you're there on a Sunday right what am I doing down
00:59:55
there you're there and you're skeet shooting oh you know me I'm big ski yeah and that's a great squeak commit skates
01:00:03
during the day frisbees are going up right yeah yeah
01:00:09
and I'm pulling yeah I'm there with you yeah right I'm just like I hate this job you know I mean why do I have to do I
01:00:15
don't even have the machine shut up long and pole you know what Bob we have a podcast anyway right and then afterwards
01:00:21
you're like hey let's work out at the store it's open mic let's open mic and I said to you yeah but
01:00:28
we didn't call in man we don't want to bump the open mics would you or not
01:00:33
be honest if you and I were together probably me too yeah yeah only because we're together
01:00:40
yeah but that's a different scenario entirely right it's I see I think it's a different scenario Case by case yeah
01:00:46
it's Case by psychic case it's Case by case yeah yeah what Jay put up that thing I sent to you but yeah let me see
01:00:52
this look at this is great so we've done a lot of stand-up talk on the podcast today and let me show you
01:00:57
something a new star look at me okay a new star is about to break into stand up and let me tell you yeah I bet she's
01:01:04
gonna be bigger than Bill Burr bigger than Chris Rock bigger than Sebastian bigger than Aziz I can't wait she will
01:01:10
be the biggest stand-up comic I'm calling it right now okay okay I can't wait let's do this for announcement common
01:01:18
are you a stand-up comedy or an actress comedian comedic actress well I think I
01:01:23
would really appreciate my voice and stand up comedy and I'm meeting with how I went out tomorrow
01:01:29
do you have a first show um maybe at some of the festivals coming up I'm not gonna let anything I want it
01:01:36
to be a surprise I want to have some fun with everyone but I'm really blessed that I can get over my fear of people
01:01:42
that I was having and now I can like really tackle that and like overcome it and be on stage so that's like I'm just
01:01:49
blessed who is that be able to do it oh do you have a set ready hold on are you just riding it with howdy Mandel um I'm
01:01:54
gonna just keep it very Teen Mom very mom I am a mom like none other so it's not too hard for me to have some fun and
01:02:01
I have ADD so you know I'm usually like the funny one and people make fun of me so it's just easy going you know I'm
01:02:07
happy with it you're gonna maybe a little therapy through your experiences through comedic relief is everything
01:02:13
that we need that's right what's your new career up comedic relief is everything we need right now we don't
01:02:19
need um we don't you know what this is my thing Ukraine and Russia who gives a [ __ ]
01:02:26
cares we need comedic relief oh yeah big [ __ ] deal so this is a woman named
01:02:31
Farah Abraham she was on Teen Mom she was a Teen Mom she's notorious also she
01:02:37
had a sex tape that went very viral with a guy named
01:02:43
James Dean right yeah I think yeah and
01:02:48
there are some shots that we didn't need to show yeah we just showed yeah her second open vagina yeah yeah uh but
01:02:56
anyway she's funny very funny very funny vagina well that's her that's her big closer that's James Dean but James Dean
01:03:02
is the name of the guy right I know who he is yeah he he was accused of um sexual assault as well right on her yeah
01:03:07
on her and other porn stars yeah yeah yeah I think it's kind of par for the
01:03:12
course over there in the in that world but not even in working like he would have sex with people off camera and do
01:03:19
weird [ __ ] those guys probably think there's cameras all the time you know maybe but anyway she's gonna do stand-up commenting I got to tell you I'm calling
01:03:25
it right now calling it on my show Farrah Abraham Teen Mom bigger than any of your favorite comedians right now
01:03:30
will be selling out Arenas mind my [ __ ] words I think we should put her on on our show our Netflix show let's
01:03:38
have her do a sad friends and friends and have her do a set I'm being real so am I yeah but she has to follow us
01:03:44
I think it'd be tough for us to follow her yeah so that's why I don't want to follow her let's have her follow I want
01:03:50
her to close the show because of our insecurities the lineup's easy it's
01:03:55
going to be me you Trevor Wallace Fiji manmar Brian Simpson Brian Simpson pretty light show hypothetical Bobby
01:04:02
what if you went to the store next week or let's say two weeks after she said a little time and let me take it from here
01:04:07
okay yeah yeah and Farah Abraham yeah the manager of the store comes up to you and says Bobby Teen Mom
01:04:15
foreign you just got the news
01:04:24
oh you're excited like you're cheering around are you about to die
01:04:29
when you die you're howling like a dog so your last days do you know who that
01:04:35
is by the way Teen Mom the girl from Teen Mom did you ever know that show was an MTV show honestly if I hadn't seen
01:04:40
the video and they said Sarah Abraham's Gonna Bump you I would go Farah what is her name pharah Farah Abraham Am I Wrong
01:04:46
isn't it pharah fairy Abraham's gonna I I honestly I would say
01:04:51
in this way
01:04:57
it was a Teen Mom star and she did a a sex porn tape with James Dean or whatever how many followers does she
01:05:03
have on Instagram because because you did say if the comic is more famous than you you do kind of make way for them a little bit
01:05:09
all right so Farah Abraham 2.9 Million what is it 2.9 Million Bobby Bobby
01:05:15
you don't even have a million yeah what I would say I don't know man uh you
01:05:21
know what I would say go ahead go ahead I I really want to call Howie Mandel right now call them up and go
01:05:28
yeah you really gonna help her to stand up call him up and let's see see what he says tell me on the podcast you know I
01:05:34
don't be intrusive just go hey we're interested to know what the story is with this girl she said she's meeting
01:05:39
with you was it a lie maybe she oh look click on that right there there he is on Tick Tock talking to her okay let's see what did he say stand-up comedy before
01:05:46
you announced you want to go into stand-up comedy I did it for five minutes he wanted to see the reaction
01:05:51
and basically he recorded it and he saw that it was like women standing up cheering me on like men laughing so I
01:05:57
was like even if I fail at comedy I could be really good at TED Talks so either way it's either stand-up comedy
01:06:04
or a TED talk let's get it I'd rather her do stand-up comedy
01:06:10
imagine going to Ted Talk I actually would love to see a TED Talk you were you know you were dressed nice you and I
01:06:16
are wearing suits to her Ted Talk yeah yeah right we sit there right and she comes up what is she what's the Ted talk
01:06:21
about what is this is how you suck dick I mean what is it what is it I mean
01:06:27
you know what I mean I will be honest and say she does know a little bit about that I know she does yeah and this is
01:06:32
did I watch the porn tape did you you better believe it you guys why do you know Carlos saw it without a doubt I
01:06:39
didn't see it okay Carlos [ __ ] off yeah you know George saw it look at him you
01:06:44
did didn't you oh of course yeah anything about the internet as soon as you hear something's on the internet but what if she does become one of the
01:06:52
funniest people no no she will I called it she will be the biggest stand-up comic in our game without a doubt and
01:06:58
she and then she deserves it and I by the way I can't wait till she bumps us
01:07:03
yeah go ahead go ahead play it I'll Whip Sarah Abraham tips tricks and acronyms
01:07:11
for those with disabilities like ADHD she putting on headphones
01:07:18
study law oh she's going to be a lawyer that was 18 weeks ago though so she she
01:07:24
probably isn't a lawyer anymore she's already got a box she passed the Box started pass the bar now you know
01:07:30
I'm not gonna make fun of this girl in this in the in the law world because I don't know her intellectual level I know she could be very very book smart and
01:07:35
good at that however it does seem like kind of a trend that if you make a Sex Tape like Kim Kardashian you gotta study
01:07:42
law at some point if you get [ __ ] on camera and it goes viral yeah you gotta study some law
01:07:49
I think it's a way to let people think that they are smart maybe she is very
01:07:55
smart I know but it just seems like just a reaction like because people get people people go you're dumb you do a
01:08:01
sex tape and she's like I'll show you yeah I'll pass the bar yeah but then they'll go to like Amazon get a book
01:08:08
Bob's law class yeah yeah yeah yeah that's right off the 101. yeah well you know what California's bar exam may be
01:08:15
largely perceived as the hardest one in the nation some other states may post similar difficulty but Arkansas also has
01:08:20
two a grueling two-day tests would not have predict Arkansas for sure for having a tough one it requires you to know several state and local laws
01:08:26
addition to Federal ones so dude if she passes a bar here didn't Kardashian pass it here I don't think she's passed yet
01:08:32
let's ask ask Ask Jeeves we're sponsored by Ask Jeeves now has
01:08:38
Kim Kardashian passed the bar the baby bar reality star Kim Kardashian has passed the baby bar required would be
01:08:43
California laws look at that work that was a lawyer right and her dad was OJ's lawyer
01:08:50
yeah I know but that doesn't mean that's good that's hereditary it's in the jeans baby laws in the jeans law it's in the
01:08:57
genes well it's like I just think that they're they're ha the intellect must be she must I think it's
01:09:03
I also listen Okay so like I said Fair Abraham lawyer and crushing stand-up comedian no what does Farrah Abraham's
01:09:09
parents do her dad was a stand-up no yeah
01:09:16
Jimmy Abraham Bobby Abraham oh Bobby Abraham yeah famous yeah what does pharah's Mom Deborah Dennis Danielson do
01:09:22
she's a telecom consultant with a company in Nebraska pretty good thank you and the dad works
01:09:30
for an infrastructure Solutions and Security Solutions I bet you could pass the [ __ ] box okay right and you know
01:09:36
what transfer is well in comedy intelligence she's smart she's gonna kill in common all right Mark my [ __ ]
01:09:42
words pal okay but I would like to say make a bet for you let's make a bet I'll give her a five-year window five years
01:09:48
yeah that she becomes a regular at any club she's not gonna do it in five years she's going to get in for a year kill
01:09:54
and leave on top or so what you're saying is that within a year right at The Improv Laugh Factory Comedy Show
01:10:00
she will be a Bonafide regular you name it all right so one year a thousand dollars
01:10:07
thousand dollars she'll be the biggest name on all the lineups okay killing it all right you guys saw it and I'll be
01:10:13
texting you Bob do you want to go watch Pharaoh's new tent she's got a tight 10. and you'll be rolling up to the store to
01:10:20
watch what do you think Rudy Jules am I right on the money is she like Ali Wong her comedy
01:10:29
or is it just
01:10:34
what stop you just have to absorb it because that's the craziest thing I've ever heard you know why yeah because stop
01:10:42
funny no she's Sarah Abraham is uh when I say a thousand times
01:10:47
funnier than Ali Wong will ever be fair Abraham in my mind is already
01:10:54
a [ __ ] shooting star can we see her comedy you're not ready for it let me say this
01:11:00
yeah I love Ali good friend of mine phenomenal joke writer couldn't touch pharah Abraham
01:11:07
couldn't even come close and you know it's true I think I'll be I'm a Believer now I think I'm a Believer now because
01:11:14
you said it I converted you I just lost the grand 's gone baby please
01:11:19
all right look we had so much fun in Austin I had a great time in Dallas thank you guys for coming out and seeing
01:11:26
us but check out our show at the main room at the comedy so we're gonna do a show at the main room of The Comedy Store do we know the date we've got to
01:11:32
figure that out sometime are you doing another show with Netflix no that's it I'm doing May 7th downtown the Palace
01:11:37
Theater May 7th I'm doing my new well I'm doing an hour Downtown May 7th in La
01:11:43
so if you're in LA and you don't come thanks a lot is how I feel
01:11:48
um and if this works this weekend and you do well we're hitting the road do well yeah
01:11:53
we're hitting the road in the fall we're going to be hitting the road bad Friends tour featuring Rudy Jules
01:12:02
stand up stand up you left you know you're doing time in Austin no yeah you did see
01:12:09
it I didn't want to tell you but you are you are it's only 1700 people so it's not that big of a deal it's not that big
01:12:15
of a deal just 10 minutes what 15 is fine Abraham wouldn't bat an
01:12:21
eye she would do it yeah but I'm not like her yes you are you're exactly like her yeah you're exactly like her yeah
01:12:28
can I just do one minute three three minutes three is good
01:12:34
we'll write it for you you'll write it for you three minutes like we did last time
01:12:39
no they're not they're not gonna boo it's gonna be completely silent and look
01:12:46
even if they do does this hurt your feelings yeah I think boo is better than silence
01:12:55
so you should walk out and go I'm gonna tell some new jokes I'm brand new to this and if you don't like them just boo
01:13:02
me what if what if she's on stage It's So Silent right then she starts to cry
01:13:07
but you can you can hear the tear that's how quiet it is and The Tear goes
01:13:13
you're gonna be great all right thank the fans and let's get out of here
01:13:19
thank you for being a bad friend [Music]
