00:00:00
you two are bad these two idiots bad friends mythological madness it's all in my mind methodical mythological madness of the
00:00:18
supreme kind mm-hmm you know cuz it rhymes and it's about your mental mental disorders and stuff mythological madness yeah baby in my
00:00:29
mind with a logical man yeah yeah all the time baby I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and go to the bedroom lying in bed and I
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stab you in the neck some babies and then you smoke it outside yeah and your neighbor says cut it out so you kill him too yeah welcome
00:00:57
to the show what do you been having crazy dreams oh my god I've assumed for the last 10 years um I haven't dreamt it at all come on never know it's like my
00:01:08
sleeps were like almost coma type sleeps where you wake up and you go come on sleep go my sleep
00:01:14
Oh what you go what is it what time you know when you wake up yeah what you know I don't know what happened but it since
00:01:20
the quarantine and since I've been sober this time oh my lord oh Allah how many hours a night do you get oh [ __ ] I get about 9 or 10 hours and I think good I didn't wake up until like 2:45 that's
00:01:33
why I texted us I was gonna be late I know well you were late kalila actually texted me it's a logical madness here
00:01:40
kalila texted me this oh I just woke this I woke up like this kalila just said here here you go here
00:01:46
she wrote here you go he's on his way that's what she said yeah yeah so here we go there he goes there he goes come
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back this way come back this way [Applause] [Laughter] you're that jewel yeah your dog look at
00:02:14
your dog listen your dog growls I know listen his dog that's not wrong okay Ram thank you thank you Rudy what is that Rudy reverse your dog reverse sneezing
00:02:26
yeah we don't do it normal we do everything reverse this is a dog sneezing backwards yeah did you hear
00:02:33
that Jules what the [ __ ] is that do we have two dogs that do that what the [ __ ] you're talking about dogs do that bro reverse sneezing yeah it's like when
00:02:44
cats go like that can't do this and then they they cough up some [ __ ] ball of [ __ ] cute balls oh my god no no googling everything you fought reverse
00:02:56
sneezing is very common and less so in cats so you're wrong about that when pets reverse sneeze they typically
00:03:01
stand extend their head and neck pull back their lips and inhale repeatedly forcefully through their nose a distinctive loud snoring sound yeah yeah
00:03:09
yeah this is your dog oh my [ __ ] medieval fart here thank you he's not that interesting but the [ __ ] reverse see is amazing is I've never heard her
00:03:21
sneeze you've never heard a fart like that my friend that's [ __ ] from the medieval days my spirit again it's like
00:03:31
the drummer Boris the boy farts they're like 15 drummers in there Smurfs under under we're like Papa Smurf [Laughter]
00:04:01
yeah alright enough enough enough of those you know what's so great about that I do that all the time at the house
00:04:07
you do I rewind stuff over and over and over and she [ __ ] hates when I do it oh yeah makes me laugh so hard when I
00:04:13
find something funny like that on a show or like anything yeah I have to watch it again and again yeah I do I watch
00:04:19
American Idol and the poise I got but my point is is this do you have a foreign bed
00:04:24
yes yeah yeah yes dude what do you do you squeeze your butt cheeks open so that it comes out there so there's no noise it depends if see I usually I fart in bed only if I know that we're not
00:04:35
gonna make poop poop if we're not gonna make boom-boom if we if it's not in the cards yeah then I'll farting God do you
00:04:40
know if it's in the cart or now I can feel it ah it's about the sack you can feel it in the air yeah yeah by the way did you
00:04:47
I got boom-boom from our favorite boom-boom make a good boom-boom from our firm my favorite characters from 90 day fiancé
00:04:53
did you tweet at EDC so this would happen so Ted yeah big Edie big headed Mayo head Mayo had heavy Ojeda he was on Instagram live and I got on it and I go
00:05:06
um first I kept saying 15 times acknowledged me yeah all that yeah yeah yeah and he wouldn't do it right because he's like interviews like doing um Instagram live with just other people it
00:05:20
hurt my feelings when you want it you wanted to do an IG live with me yes or at least say hey what's up or whatever
00:05:26
right so then I started going hey man I'm verified have a blue check it's not so funny though when you send someone a message on there and they're verified and you are - you automatically go come
00:05:43
on open it up oh yeah yeah well it's funny because it's like when somebody Vera do you ever do this wouldn't like
00:05:48
somebody verified follow you on twitter you follow them back yeah all the time yeah yeah why is that it's because you
00:05:53
wrote because it's like a club yeah you feel like you're a part of a thing yeah like you know who follows me but I were and the fan mm-hmm
00:06:01
but am i following Louis michalski what's his name what the singer Louis Bukowski from
00:06:06
England yeah Louis Capaldi who is that he's one of the biggest singers on planet Earth I don't know yeah what does he sing
00:06:16
there he is Wow he's huge a sharp-looking cat yeah what is he sweating that singer what does he sing what's that song these things you know the song sing it a little bit
00:06:28
briefly just give you a little bit of don't fully sing it just just give me the gist
00:06:35
know the lyrics the lyrics is this someone you loved is that the ideals like them a lot but yeah yeah someone the other that's a great song is that
00:06:48
the one yeah this is someone you love me surely the lyrics are there they're funny because my own blind he goes know
00:07:01
the gay bleeds in tonight fall and you're not here to get me through it all I'll let your God I let my guard down and think you pulled the rug I was
00:07:15
getting Connie used to being someone you loved oh yeah yeah yeah so he follows me on
00:07:22
Twitter yeah a lot he's a huge star and I don't know if I follow him back but no you didn't it sounds like you didn't
00:07:27
follow me a bit but cuz he's so big I didn't want to like how many followers on tadeasi have a lot of followers millions yeah he's huge he's like the next II do not know this guy because I
00:07:38
don't know I mean I really like Conor McGregor and like the the Lucky Charms guy what is that what did this is music
00:07:47
I like music maybe you like Olli redheaded vibe I only like redheaded stuff he's a redhead I would have liked
00:07:53
him oh yeah okay this is what it's like on like yeah I'm going under this time and I feel - nothing out you know how it
00:08:10
feels that's my kind of style you can sing kinda huh Creed that's my kind of sing I can't sing I can I know how to you know
00:08:18
I'm a good you know like like monkey see monkey do oh I see I know how to repeat
00:08:25
what I've heard yeah I can imitate it but I can't sing I can't do impressions yeah you can no I can't
00:08:30
yeah you can no I can do do an impression of oh that Oh DeNiro yeah DeNiro okay no don't talk don't talk
00:08:36
don't talk just do the face that's good now give me another face of an impression of someone else you can go they really that's you Yoko Ono
00:08:48
Oh yuck oh yeah that's good pretty good huh hey can I ask you something yeah could you mind up a lot of people hit us
00:08:53
up on the internet and they asked us to play and they asked us to play a little bit of some of your psychedelic rock can
00:09:02
we play some of it no it's so good you saw it I actually really like that song I'm not even kidding a little bit
00:09:07
it's [ __ ] awesome yeah 60,000 people watch the video you probably had like nine hits before you mentioned it and that's you yeah that's me look at how by the way
00:09:17
yeah it was so you look so cute in this video yeah and and what pissed me off about laxing superb yeah the band and I don't know if you friends with these guys anymore but what pissed me off about this music video yeah they punched
00:09:29
in on your hands yeah and not and they didn't show your [ __ ] face til for four minutes and 55 seconds in the video
00:09:35
you because at the time I was just the seventh guy and it doesn't matter you're important yeah but back then I wasn't
00:09:41
you were ripping you ripped on that [ __ ] rolling those keys were getting slid on [ __ ] that's serious it was so
00:09:49
fun all right and then an elite singer it's like it's just him him him yeah Kevin Schewel from Chicago what's up but
00:09:55
I show the band from a huge wide shot and they don't get to you until the juices in it
00:10:01
Alan Meadows what's up guys [Music] that's all they gave you five seconds I know that's the only face shot you got right there now I know five seconds of a
00:10:14
fake shot that's what they are so many people in that man and fade-out from Bob that's it i love i
00:10:23
honestly though the song I listen to over and over and maybe it's because from that generation no but it reminded
00:10:28
me of stuff that I love let me say this I don't want to defend the band is is that I didn't say anything negative about I'm just gotten what guys want to
00:10:35
defend it huh just just in case okay is all honestly the music was okay you know it's just what what drove me crazy is is that see okay see that shot right
00:10:46
there yeah so see that man to the right with the black see that guy to the right
00:10:52
with the glasses and this one this guy that the arrows on right that guy no it's okay I forgot his name but so those
00:10:58
other three I went to high school with how's it gonna say this guy's balding in high school no this guy right so we used
00:11:04
to play this club this coffee shop called metaphor cafe in Escondido nice and he and his other friend had a good
00:11:12
simon and garfunkel duo band but they were so infinitely better but they were in their 40s they're just a better
00:11:18
musician really good yeah and so Kevin goes why don't you join our band so then we became like Grateful
00:11:24
Dead that's how many people were on the stage yeah at one point I think you see a shot there's 37 people man
00:11:29
I know so then what happened was I didn't want these two old [ __ ] in the band why he just looked like a lawyer so
00:11:38
and then so what happened was I just kind of stopped going to practice you know like kind of rebelling and protesting in protest cuz you were like it the old guys out or not yes I felt
00:11:49
like if I just stopped kind of getting involved that they'll throw these guys out on the band huh but then I remember
00:11:56
the meeting you go they had like an intervention oh yeah they know they brought me to the metaphor cafe during
00:12:03
the day and I remember sitting there and they all collectively goes you're out of the band and I literally I remember and
00:12:11
I remember tears just rolling off my face because you thought that your move was gonna you were playing a power movie now doing a power back right and then I
00:12:22
remember this I go I don't know what I'm gonna do so what I did was my friend Scott Collins was he a rough [ __ ]
00:12:30
novelist sounds like a writer he lives in Phoenix he's a great guy he's in many ways io
00:12:37
comedy to him really yeah because F Scott Collins was like this 50 year old deal 40 or 50 old dude bald had a kind
00:12:44
of military looking guy that I met in a uh-uh and he goes hey uh I'm doing this acting actors workshop in Pacific Beach and I go you have an actor and he goes I
00:12:57
know but this guy named Gary Austin you know who Gary Austin I don't okay well I'm gonna tell you okay I don't like your tone okay all right here we go
00:13:07
Gary Austin ya founded The Groundlings oh yeah in the early 70s I didn't know that he got you down of The Groundlings but he founded it well I don't know how I don't know the politics of it but hey
00:13:18
go in front of The Groundlings on Melrose there's a plaque that says his name Gary Austin carry on he died what
00:13:25
did he die of I don't remember but he died like maybe ten years ago or eight years ago I remember it being very sad when he died Gary Austin yeah so Gary Austin was like
00:13:37
one of the first improvisers yeah right so he used to do so he came down to my friend F Scott Collins class to do it just a series of classes it cost a lot
00:13:48
of money I remember asking my dad for the money he gave it to me they take in like 101 right yes it but but it was
00:13:56
through Gary Austin where I was like you know we would play improv games and I didn't really know the rules but he taught me the rules and how many rules are there by the way I only know two yes
00:14:08
and and you ever say no yeah well yes and is that same thing that's the same rule what's the other one
00:14:15
add information add information okay yeah so instead of going how much money so I'll give you an example yeah so if you didn't have improv class right for those of you listening I would be
00:14:27
like we were on a scene together okay we're gonna say hey Teddy I bought you a birthday gift congratulations man it's
00:14:33
not my birthday see this that's not see you know that right you do that as a joke yeah of course yeah so let's do the scene let's do the supposed to do yes
00:14:45
dong-yi yeah there's no door there yeah so ding-dong hey Teddy good morning hey Micah that's exactly we're supposed to
00:15:01
add information right yeah and I got I got you a birthday gift here go a happy birthday whoa a frog see there we go I've always
00:15:08
wanted a frosty that's how you do it and that would be still fine yeah that would still be fine yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:15:15
would still be fine be glamour so that's those are the rules so but I'm gonna tell you improv is fun it it's okay no
00:15:22
no it actually is fun I'm not talking [ __ ] it is probably cool I think it's fun when it's done really well
00:15:29
same as stand-up yeah but I've seen the best do it yeah I've seen Jordan Keegan yeah you
00:15:36
long for with Ike Barinholtz back in the day love Ike love those guys and I used to just kind of go all right
00:15:43
long form improv there let's take an hour to have show I can't do I can't stay for that long neither but I like
00:15:49
little snippets yes fine yeah I'll take little snippets but this is what happened so Gary Austin I was really
00:15:54
into it and Gary Austin had a class in Burbank how many levels did you get by the way he didn't have levels I thought that's don't you pay money for that what was it at The Groundlings at the time oh
00:16:05
yeah yeah okay I told you oh I didn't know how far along that was in the 80s oh [ __ ] so he's like it's mine and they're like not anymore right seems nice so I went to I used to drive to
00:16:18
Burbank from San Diego huh and to take his classes and I remember meeting Mindy Cohn you know she was on the facts of
00:16:24
life yes so she was in the class and I remember hearing that Pat Morita had just dropped
00:16:30
the classes but he was doing it doing it too Wow so I just remember being like I thought Mindy Cohn was like being in front of
00:16:35
Meryl Streep like to me yet I mean at the time she was very famous but even also the time a kid from San Diego who
00:16:41
doesn't know anybody like I didn't know anybody right I didn't know how show business worked right right so I remember looking at all
00:16:48
these I thought everyone was a star yeah you're means looking around going oh my god is that guy I study looks like Charleston Heston or
00:16:54
whatever you know Charles no I don't know yeah so one night I went there this actually happened he goes hey uh you hungry kid and I go
00:17:07
and this is f scott Fitzgerald know this is laughter this is Gary Austin your ass
00:17:13
goes are you hungry kid and I go yeah I mean I'm gonna drive back to San Diego by kid get a meal so we went to Jerry's diner
00:17:19
in Studio City Law Jerry's right yeah and I was there with me Gary Austin and I remember the third person we were with but um we're eating and remember like going I have no money I can't pay for
00:17:32
that though I hated those day when you were nervous and you're like I'll just have I'll just have a fry from someone's
00:17:37
plate well that's what I did I got hungry he goes you haven't eaten all day you have no money right and I go yeah
00:17:43
and he goes it's on the it's on the house I got it oh so we were sitting there eating and they're like 36 cheeseburgers 97 yeah yeah and the the the restaurant was packed yeah was on a
00:17:56
Friday night and I had been taking the class for about a month or whatever and I and I go I play the piano as well and he goes he got mad what do you mean
00:18:09
Gary Austin I'll tell you how I you guys what you [ __ ] play the piano but I go yeah he goes how come you didn't tell me
00:18:16
because you know we had we had a class where we revealed all our talents and we'd we talked about ourselves sure and
00:18:23
I just cuz I'm not that great at it I know how to play chords and stuff you know basic music works right but I'm
00:18:29
like shy he goes if you're shy you're never gonna make it right he's right though right right right and I go okay and he goes I'll tell you what kid you stand up on this booth and you get
00:18:44
the attention of the whole restaurant oh [ __ ] and he goes you pay you get everyone's attention and you tell everyone that you
00:18:49
play the piano right and I promise you this sounds so cheesy ten years from now you're gonna be on The Tonight Show and I said no and I start eating but then
00:19:04
you know he let it go and we just eat it and I don't know what came over me I just stood up on the [ __ ] booth
00:19:11
everybody the whole restaurant shut up and I go I play and I kid you not this so cheesy the whole restaurant clap shut up now I'm not kidding you
00:19:25
well I don't know why Wow but they all clap i sat down and the garudasana gonna be was probably kid and 11 years later so he was all he was wrong so the moral
00:19:39
is he's incorrect the guy who's [ __ ] bad gage of time there's 11 years not 10 so not a smart
00:19:46
man hmm you know it's a story that look no I'll just be let's back back up for a second by the way any time any time an
00:19:52
asian kid stands up it goes I play the piano I would be like we know yeah that's really sweet thought that he'd that yeah he did that and then um so that was my first introduction to any
00:20:05
kind of like maybe you know me and this can happen maybe you were gonna be a full-time comedian oh but I just thought
00:20:11
that this is you know I were taking the class of being excited I remember driving up to LA and listen to the song
00:20:17
Los Angeles by Frank Black cuz his album had just come out yeah and just going on
00:20:22
just go to it like I can't believe him you know going to LA and do so cool them they have a soundtrack to go get it hyped up and right and and it's funny because it's you know you you know when
00:20:34
you're a young guy like that 19 20 and you you don't know anybody in show business and you never think that that could be a part of your reality yeah and you know in many ways those times I miss
00:20:49
I miss don't you miss struggling a little bit it's funny I talk I've talked about it a little bit before but I do miss it I
00:20:55
miss it I don't miss the way I used to get had panic attacks at 3 in the morning about how I was gonna pay rent
00:21:01
that I don't miss at all right but but there was something I joked the other day I used to live in a [ __ ] dining
00:21:08
room I used to live in a dining room three dudes one bathroom mmm they had a bedroom and I lived in a partitioned off
00:21:13
dining room and I slept on the floor my mat met a mattress on the floor no like bed frame and I had a desk that
00:21:20
iced got off the street under the freeway yeah you know the 10 freeway yeah and the thing I miss the most was goat
00:21:27
when I left my shitty sad [ __ ] apartment and went to go do Mike's mmm I was the I was the same as everybody else yeah I didn't feel poor and sad because
00:21:38
I was out having fun telling jokes [ __ ] around yeah until you have those vulnerable moments where you're like [ __ ] I can't pay for this cheeseburger
00:21:45
you know like though helmets are bad or terrible but when you were out and you were nothing mattered I had no schedule
00:21:51
you know you you're you're usually young and single and and dumb and down to do anything so there is no time there's no
00:21:58
schedule nothing matters yeah I missed the [ __ ] out of that yeah but don't you miss like when like I remember coming to
00:22:05
LA and there was this guy named Vic Tunnel up you know I'm her victim but I love that name the guy who made Dunlop sporting equipment that guy no man Vic
00:22:12
Dunlap Vic Dunlap died dude all these guys died from your comic oh [ __ ] rather
00:22:17
people love Dunlop was a big pretty big comic I guess in the 80s hmm I remember watching him on shows and whatever it
00:22:24
wasn't the biggest cuz he was he funny do you like him he's a fat guy pretty funny yeah and I remember Vic tunnel up this is
00:22:31
when he was going down and obviously like he was not playing to store anymore his health or his ability his abilities
00:22:37
I guess you know and he used to run this coffee shop in Pasadena I remember Vic Tunnel up calling me one time hey kid
00:22:45
this is when I first moved to LA I'm doing this coffee shop you should come play it kid you know you don't remember
00:22:51
like turning to my roommates going it was like Tom Hardy or some [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah but you get excited about huge yeah or when but I don't know what time
00:23:06
Byron Allen right I was doing an open mic yeah and he came out to me and he goes there's a long time ago any guys
00:23:11
you know about time and kid keep going and I remember like laying in bed no money you with like 15 dudes and a [ __ ] one-bedroom apartment right but just laying there next to all your
00:23:22
friends going to sleep going I know it's so dumb no it's great I know it's dumb to talk about nap now it's like I see guys I'm like [ __ ] you right that's what you do it everybody yeah yeah I can see
00:23:35
Adam Sandler go [ __ ] you you the feeling was cool back then but back then it was so magical and I you know
00:23:42
many times I miss that innocence and and that this I like the struggling interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals I want to say this this is my personal
00:23:56
endorsement okay is is that my life didn't become freer and I didn't I wasn't present and and mindful and I
00:24:03
didn't it's this [ __ ] app saved my life it did though ya know really did there's no joke about that Giuliana did it Rudy did it and she cried for like six hours after I know I look I did it
00:24:14
and I don't know how to cry cuz my tear ducts I think are empty if you abuse as a child but better help is incredible
00:24:19
you can speak to online therapists licensed professional therapists guys legit and you communicate right online
00:24:26
in basically anytime that you that fits your cyber crisis line not a self-help line it's a professional counseling done
00:24:33
securely online my friends yeah it's committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches there they try to
00:24:38
pin you up with people that are gonna be of your mindset and what you're looking for my friends my friends worldwide
00:24:44
clients all over the world my friends now and honestly we're not kidding we've all used it and it's very and it's better than Israel offline counseling is
00:24:51
is probably the best thing that we can do right now it's more affordable than that traditional stuff because we can't
00:24:56
have access to it financial aid is available better hub wants you to start living a happier life it works it really don't match you up with like real great
00:25:03
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00:25:10
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00:25:16
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yourself ten percent off that's right first month better help calm slash friends yeah we both got beach bodies
00:25:42
even though Bobby hates when I wear shorts okay we're stuck inside I'm very white but I'm still trying to stay in shape I challenge Bobby to you
00:25:48
know I just love online workouts because especially because they have the best trainers on planet earth I feel you know I mean this
00:25:55
is a company company behind p90x insanity and 21 day fix they have a trainers like super trainers like Tony Horton Joel Freeman Jericho's my
00:26:05
favorite Erica Mathews and autumn Calabrese Calabresi like italiano I made I made Bobby try the morning meltdown 100 it was actually very funny I did it one morning I did it one morning and I
00:26:16
it was so [ __ ] hard but the thing is is I felt like I accomplished something after they pushed me to the limit and I
00:26:22
just feel like I just feel really good I'm gonna do it again I hope you do it again but the next time you do it like I told you that you have to work close
00:26:29
that's that you can't do those no naked guess what a lot I know but it's a little ridiculous all right work out on your own schedule workouts as short as
00:26:34
10 minutes they don't require extra equipment yeah and do it anywhere Bob did it from his computer you can do it
00:26:40
from my tablet smartphone Roku Roku Apple TV cool chromecast and more guys it's the best deal right now in online Fitness everyone's working out at home this is the best way to get in shape listeners of bad friends can try it for
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absolutely free if you're looking for a reason to quit your gym and do this stuff from home during kovat and all
00:26:59
this nonsense that's going on right now you got it you have to try it you know Bobby like I said did that 100 and is
00:27:05
totally worth it you should try the service it's legit it's it's it's it's very it's everywhere admin quarantine
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membership when you text back Renne two three oh three oh three oh that's 30 30 30 you'll get full access to this entire platform for free all the workouts the nutrition information all the stuff that
00:27:27
you need to know totally free totally free from the comfort of your home again just tax add friends 30 30 30 was the
00:27:34
first time when you did Stan you just end up in Chicago or here first here well no no Phoenix in Arizona when I was
00:27:41
in school oh you went to ASU oh yeah your brother bonded so close so you ASU yeah so you just stand up where there
00:27:48
was like a local [ __ ] coffee shop in Glen Mesa or Glendale or one of those spots all right but but I used to go to
00:27:53
the Tempe improv but I couldn't get up there of course they're even open mikes was not the open mic was for people that
00:28:00
were like comics it was Dan murder back then you know remember remember was anime you get there we had
00:28:07
just missed each other oh really I know so we talked about that I was at we just remember the first night you killed
00:28:12
I remember the I remember one of the first nights yeah yes I remember one of the first nights that I did really really well I was at a place called room 5 it doesn't exist anymore here on LaBrea uh-huh it's above and old like I
00:28:24
remember that place Indian restaurant yeah that place that was the first place I ever did really well and the guy that used to run it was like a crazy
00:28:29
alcoholic what was his name do you know I'm talking about Rick something maybe yeah dude he like you'd show up and he was so
00:28:36
nice good dude not a bad dude I'm just saying you'd show up you like what's up man you're like what's going on man please like nothing man the lineups over
00:28:43
there about another within like 10 minutes you turn back around he backed the [ __ ] out yeah and he would black out for no [ __ ] four or five hours Wow we'd sit and drink and drink and drink and then he'd go are you drinking
00:28:56
yeah like no no and you go taking your [ __ ] tickets cuz you give those remember we used to get drink tickets all the time yeah he would just take my
00:29:04
drinks idiots get wasted and I'd never get paid I never ever ever it supposed to be five or ten bucks and I never got paid yeah but I killed in that room for
00:29:10
the first time when I ever like really like really did it yeah and then with this one you killed yeah me tell you cuz
00:29:17
you know who was there this the guy who used to come around the store doesn't come around anymore Kristian harloff do you remember him I love love Christian
00:29:23
yeah he had said something if Christian was a regular at the store at the time and was yellow Christian Harley he was going all the time he was killing yeah
00:29:30
and he came up to me and he was like in so many words he's like yeah man you're uh you're gonna be better than this place pretty soon and I was like oh thanks man and I had just done so well
00:29:41
that I was kind of riding on this hi and he getting his respect was huge he was a regular to store that was a big deal
00:29:47
yeah for back then people knows like when a regular was like yeah you're pretty funny you were like also when when Chris D'Elia and I saw you perform
00:29:53
when we said to you it didn't matter because I knew I was good already I was already better than you only then when
00:29:59
you and Chris were like oh this guy's great it's like yeah I'm better than all of you guys do it right into your own microphone
00:30:12
did you get that did you see him on that frame perfe scoot over this way a little
00:30:17
bit very good why was it sad because I wanted the drummer boy but it didn't no no but that's how that what you didn't know when you and Chris said something nice about me it was it was it was very wonderful and made I want to ask you
00:30:29
when you talked about The Groundlings saying cuz I totally forgot um you see be closed down do you know that forever
00:30:34
that's what I read online yeah I don't I don't know if that's true what do you mean that's it's [ __ ] everything's
00:30:40
closed it's quarantine baby no closes UCB closes Upright Citizens Brigade training center will be closed forever yeah forever New York not LA not LA New
00:30:54
York yeah New York yeah sad you know it is sad it's you know it's one of those venues for me like Largo where it's a little he'd go there and bomb not just
00:31:06
bomb I just when I went there I never felt like I was a part of it because we're not that's an exclusive little group I know I mean you would get invited to do some sort of improv show
00:31:16
or do stand-up in an improv show you know they always had like a hook it couldn't just be stand-up yeah if you could just stand up but then there's an interview where we you have to play a character someone's gonna throw
00:31:28
something at the audience at you just out of nowhere and it's an object that we gave them and so you just have to play with yeah you might hit you in the
00:31:35
face am I not yeah and that is it but it's one of those places where I go I always thought to myself I'm not cool
00:31:41
enough or well they always had kind of there's always a vibe there right but this is the only way I explain it whenever I would feel like [ __ ] cuz I go
00:31:47
there and do a show and do fine or something yeah I was like what the [ __ ] it's the same jokes I do back at the I always would walk away going ah this is
00:31:54
how people feel when they come to the store hmm right yeah yeah yeah so I felt the balance was right when I was like oh
00:32:00
I deserve to feel like that because I know people come up to me and they're like your [ __ ] store makes me feel like [ __ ] whenever I go I'm like what
00:32:06
yeah I think the stores for people that experience trauma yeah a lot of it yeah because I know a lot of like wholesome just nice people with good upbringing who get a really strange vibe from the
00:32:20
Comedy Store where like they feel just as soon as they get there and I call like a gross and just intimidated you know it is
00:32:27
though it is very intimidating yeah but it's it's just you know you can't [ __ ] with the history man no you can't [ __ ]
00:32:34
with the history and the the level of talent do you when you when you bomb for the first time at the store like do you remember your first like bad bad show there yeah I can tell you what it is
00:32:46
yeah and and come on baby I know I'm gonna say but I have to think about come on papa I don't wanna start a war let the puppet a list that story you're
00:32:58
not gonna start a war so this is what happened oh [ __ ] sorry so this is when I was opening up for Mencia
00:33:04
a lot turn it off okay because I want to pay attention all right relax your volume thing on the side I don't
00:33:10
know how right there where you're pulsing off oh look at that that's very that's responsible yeah Rudi's laughing really
00:33:15
likes it really loves it so yeah I was living in San Diego but mitzi had made me a paid regular at la jolla or at know what i got lucky so two years in Paulie called me and
00:33:29
goes did I say an open mic and I'm looking for an emcee for my Vegas show and I go I was working the door in La Jolla and I go alright yeah so he flew
00:33:41
me out there and it was in front of he was huge at the time 5,000 people where was it that in Vegas for the rib Wow so
00:33:48
steve Schirripa was like the guy there you know Sherpa yes five thousand people yeah and I were a stripper going a kid and he called me Ching because dice to
00:33:59
call me Chang whoa yeah dice used to call me Ching ch ing yeah chyann yeh yeah so he's ego what are you saying which one are you saying ching with the G oh my gosh
00:34:11
yeah not [ __ ] not [ __ ] that's illegal no it's not it's canceled you can't you
00:34:18
could have set it back then we said it already yeah you guys did a shame Gillis got canceled from it that's now Tripp
00:34:30
used to call me Ching and then ohm yeah and he got a Ching you do if you do six minutes I'll break your legs oh yeah if you do four minutes I'll break your legs you do
00:34:43
five that's it that's what you gotta remember just being literally yeah you know yeah it's also Vegas maybe it was living well you'd hear stories that he was connected to the Mafia or whatever
00:34:57
he was so I remember it was his I've been doing comedy for two years and I went up I don't remember what I did and then I brought up wild Willie Parsons wild Willie Parsi this picture still a
00:35:10
down the door yeah while Willie Parsons went up it's 30 but when I got offstage backstage huge place right yeah I see Mitzi coming up to me oh I'm gonna open
00:35:23
my girl oh but you do it like she's like Bobby that's how I used to sound scared you're
00:35:45
a regular at all my clubs oh wow and that's how I got in damn her lucky that must have felt so [ __ ] good so lucky so I was living in San Diego in a regular but mints egos a dude hey bro
00:35:58
you come up and do you know come to LA bro so I went up there on a Saturday night and Mitzie saw me there and I was hanging out with Carlos in the main room green room mm-hmm and Carlos goes aim
00:36:12
its he put him up right you're a new comic I'm new yeah and um it's yeah you go up and Joe Rogan says Joe Rogan's there and you're Rogan goes busy he's
00:36:25
[ __ ] seen Eagle he's not funny or something like that funny right yeah he'll be fine that's what she said yeah I went up there not only did I not
00:36:37
hear any laughs I hear Rogen in the back on I [ __ ] told you he's not funny Yeah right and I remember eating it so bad you can feel it Oh Mike
00:36:51
it was also like one of those sets where I went oh maybe it's I'm not gonna make
00:36:57
it yeah oh you know maybe yeah maybe it's just like I was a local in San Diego what who am i competing against you know right but maybe in the big leagues I just don't have it in
00:37:08
retrospect is because I just didn't wasn't you weren't ready I wasn't ready that's all you were good you just
00:37:13
weren't ready I wasn't even good I wasn't even good it was just like I just know what it wasn't ready and you give me one of your jokes that bombed oh yeah
00:37:19
oh yeah I used to do I'm so lonely right and so lonely when I stood when I masturbate I grabbed my own ass right oh my god did
00:37:33
I turn I go do me do me yeah and then my opening act and my opening line was I used to make my hair really messy yeah it was out of control mm-hmm and I would go and that really
00:37:47
Asian I just woke up crush in San Diego in San Diego but and I did in the main room nothing and now it is so funny yesterday the Sklar brothers I did
00:38:04
something with them and the Sklar brothers was around doctor what did you do with the Sklar brothers I thought
00:38:10
were quarantine in I couldn't know I didn't I did it through assume zoom okay but why because we don't I know but I know I like them to ruins
00:38:21
I know I like them - yeah yeah they got mad at me by the way well the mill just finished and they'd fall so there may be a Star Wars all
00:38:29
hate Star Wars but they they went through my agent and my manager they kept calling me in that item response so then they went to a B mm-hmm and Matt and they called me hey what
00:38:41
about the Sklar brothers and I went well they have my number so then Willie directly called me I
00:38:47
couldn't say no mm-hmm that's that but name with the Sklar but let me just finish this and then you go into this our brothers I remember I was so bad
00:38:55
back then that they pulled me aside one night and they go hey um you know you're
00:39:00
confident up there but like we don't know anything about you yeah you know cuz they're like really
00:39:06
direct and I go what do you mean look at me you're just doing jokes about they don't make any sense you're doing ninjas
00:39:13
on Southwest right I just do big cousin in jizan Southwest mm-hmm yeah and he goes it's just that's isn't you know you
00:39:19
there's nothing that we know what people do what's the premise of that bit that ninjas themself because back then and security checkpoints they used to have a
00:39:26
big weapons like no weapons and then tomahawk they all said no chucks yeah right yeah so I go I mean how many ninjas are you know man that's their job to sneak right and
00:39:42
you'll hear you see a smoke bomb and then they're in this overhead compartment you mean in the nights ago
00:39:47
you cannot see me that's a good job good job I do that tonight Joe but they go so
00:39:54
that I remember go them saying that I remember going I [ __ ] hate this yeah for years for how long for like
00:40:01
five years yeah when I see this go up but then when I Scott what they were saying and I started doing what they were
00:40:07
suggesting right I went and they were trying to help yeah they were just trying to urge us
00:40:13
trying to give you some give you some tips oh well just a direction to go you know who said the meanest thing about those guys and I love them they're great
00:40:18
too if they're nice to me I love them there's no the meanest thing and they said this on stage they said Dave Attell
00:40:24
gave them the best and the worst meanest intro of all time what was it they brought up a telltale was at the store
00:40:29
and they did they did they were they did they did very well and then they bring up Dave and Dave gets up there you know
00:40:37
he's like already like he's like he's like uh for the Sklar brothers some people start clapping he goes I didn't
00:40:45
know boring came in stereo and they what and they both were like and Brandi sounds like jay-z was like I was but
00:40:56
they were both like honored yeah to get like [ __ ] on by him yeah but also they were like maybe he means yeah like
00:41:03
because he's good like that you know who makes you used to give me the worst intros who Marc Maron oh yeah what the
00:41:10
[ __ ] no yeah he got to the point I could see him doing that on purpose thing I had to say it that you were likes thanks for the shitty intro no I had had to
00:41:16
pull him aside and call literally I'm gonna uh yeah I'll kill you kill you if you do that again yeah
00:41:25
he goes what do you mean I can't do it what was it what was the word what was this next guy gives you high energy cuz
00:41:31
you know he wants you to like [ __ ] you right and he's like kind of a dancing clown [ __ ] you right so here comes you
00:41:39
know mister needy [ __ ] you right and I remember just calling him a signing cut you know you might be right
00:41:45
I mean you might be right sure I might be needy yeah am i I might I don't play a guitar or do props but only your friends get to call you mr. needy yeah but it's also it's like there's certain
00:41:56
theatrics that I do that maybe through time I'll let go of but it's just not your job you know I give great intros you do you give probably the best in the game it is really funny for a comic to touch say
00:42:08
someone else's needy we're all [ __ ] needy [ __ ] that's why we're on stage doing comedy and then but then the mark
00:42:13
over the years after that gave me the past intros he said one of the nicest things I've ever heard in my life what
00:42:19
we talk very sparingly as Mark does Mark's like that and when I was on that I'm dying up here show the show had said
00:42:27
they were going to submit me for consideration for an Emmy Wow and I was like why I was like I don't that is you're a great actor no but I was like that's a stupid idea I
00:42:39
don't even want to be I was like I don't want to be in the idea of that war Jules we should watch the show he was all no it was on a show time you know but let
00:42:45
me say let me just finish and Eric Griffin's Allah - and now matter Jim Carrey about Jim Carrey produced it yeah
00:42:51
he was on Showtime he just came out your canceled it got canceled it doesn't matter we should watch it anyway but but
00:42:57
but I'll say this they said they were gonna they were gonna put me up for an Emmy and honestly genuinely when they said that I did tell my age and I was like I don't really
00:43:03
want to do that because I know it's a political process I don't want to do interviews and stuff I don't really like that stuff I'm not good at that right and I'm not gonna hiding my poker face
00:43:11
like I don't have like wonder like how was the show like I don't give a [ __ ] what even why don't we talk about it I don't like yeah so they said that and then because mark
00:43:19
is on the I can't think of the wrestling show I'm so stupid it's called glow glow and they're on Showtime as well or on HBO or whatever
00:43:30
it is yeah it was at the same time that people are getting considered and Mark came up to me out of nowhere we always say hi and
00:43:38
that's kind of and he goes hey you're really good on that show I said thanks mark and he goes yeah I did for you I
00:43:44
voted for you really I swear to God in my life yeah I was like seriously yes yeah yeah later man and he left and I remember I call my wife and I go that's the nicest thing mark was like so out of
00:43:56
nowhere because he doesn't really do that I don't know why I did that okay a year ago he came up to me by the way then I deemed him yeah like a week
00:44:02
later yeah and I was like hey man I just want to say like that that was really awesome yeah you did that and he left me
00:44:07
on scene which is Mark being like yeah [ __ ] you said to me last year he goes you're working a lot right I see you all the time we're working a lot yeah that's crazy
00:44:18
you guys you deserve it when Mark does that yeah okay I tried you can't I have no feelings we all shop online come on Bob shops constantly I can't get him
00:44:46
around a computer I can't without him shopping and I would have a Spanish to have coupons and to get me a cheaper
00:44:52
deal on the things that I buy and that's why honey is so important yeah it's a free online shopping tool it saves you
00:44:58
money online it automatically finds the best promo codes and applies them automatically to your cart you don't even have to do anything so let me
00:45:05
imagine going on sites like Target Best Buy Sephora Macy's eBay etc etc right you check out this little box drops down and all you have to do is click the apply coupons it's that easy okay look I
00:45:18
was shopping the other day amongst getting groceries I also needed a new cheese grater and other kitchen utensils
00:45:24
and when I bought that online at tarjay I got myself a coupon I saved a couple of bucks how much did I save you asked nunya business it was 10 dollars and 28 cents but it was worth it it was amazing
00:45:36
that you saved money I didn't really really even really do save much incredible guy they they have 18 million
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boy do we love Buffy we've talked about it before we actually do use it and we use it I've said this before and I'll
00:46:16
say it again is that I don't generally trust Andrew Santino what's up and then when he suggested to take this buffy
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entire life [ __ ] life okay it's made from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber that feels softer it is way softer than
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cotton it's breathable cool to the touch and it maintains an ideal sleeping temperature and you can feel cozy
00:46:40
without overheating at night and here's the problem so when when when Bubba sleeps he always says that at night he
00:46:46
gets really sweaty and kalila doesn't like waking up in a pool of his sweat yeah but you give lip this fiber makes it so that you go live less dry bar
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makes it so it doesn't happen it's and it's also earth friendly it keeps you cool at night and warm when it's cold
00:46:58
and cheeto this is what she don't like the most about puffy although it is the most uncomfortable thing is is that it's
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cruelty free and hypo allergenic that's right I don't like down feathers no animal products in there I like it I like it
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that they are earth friendly they don't test on pets and it's hypoallergenic there's no feather no feathers their
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you cry on cue rude she trying to talk this one try right now they'll try to catch try to get emotion yeah yeah
00:47:52
imagine but imagine Bob just kicked you out of the house and he left you back on the street and you have to fend for
00:47:57
yours let's talk about that real quick okay so Edie oh so add from 90 day fiancé is was
00:48:06
dating are you gonna put her up for bait no you do not see each other anymore so she's single he's single and and so
00:48:13
this is buried I think Rose Marie said he only gave me two things I think he only did the show to get famous I love
00:48:21
it I lie even more now I love him more so then I looked at Rudy and I went [Laughter] [Applause]
00:48:34
ubu's her for bait again forget just kill him up with Tiger belly for mayo head ed yeah you what why you don't find
00:48:40
him attractive see anything Mike no why [Laughter] he looks like a melting candle god it's
00:48:53
so I mean look I just there's I come on you know what I mean it's so creepy everything about that thing is creepy to
00:48:59
me that show or him the show is I love the show it's still creepy but he's really creepy the fact that he's like
00:49:06
you know they gave me a kiss kiss oh I know or also was like yeah when he was giving her the foot massage gross Oh any [ __ ] guy that says I give the best you don't brag about your
00:49:19
own skills nobody does that nobody brags about a foot massage by the way I give the best foot massage would
00:49:25
you say that it's like get the [ __ ] away from my feet but then they zoomed in on her leg and she had legs like you like hairy hairy legs that's cultural she has
00:49:32
hairy legs yeah xuxa would be out of pity when you lived in the Philippines did you just grow it wild and when you
00:49:38
got here is like yeah is that is that super normal that no women shave their legs what about the armpits but don't you doesn't it bother you to have hairy
00:49:51
legs or no it doesn't matter get closer to the mic Jules no but armpits kind of bother you though right
00:49:57
yeah hairy armpits it doesn't matter huh culturally to do any women there shave legs and armpits or no some do but it's
00:50:08
rare huh I guess they don't feel they don't get like what but I would imagine you'll get that much
00:50:14
you don't get sick hair right yeah no I imagine like your legs don't get like like Asian hair tends to be very thin
00:50:20
like that yeah like your like your leg hair do you like hair monkey monkeys there it is it is funny that the women
00:50:29
don't show the legs but so many of the men there do isn't that funny the men shave their legs right there's men that
00:50:34
love to shaving their legs dude can you believe this look what I saw somebody sent this to me today Harvey Weinstein
00:50:39
says he's free of coronavirus symptoms this fat piece of [ __ ] who walks around
00:50:44
debilitated with a [ __ ] Walker said he beat the virus mmm that doesn't make you mad doesn't that blow your [ __ ]
00:50:52
that's how you know that they've got a cure that's how you know yeah how the [ __ ] does this how the [ __ ] does this
00:50:58
fat blob slob pieces this guy hey yeah yeah but but you know that that's an act right even if yes still looks like he should understand that but the thing is
00:51:09
he no this whole feel bad for me thing yeah I'm gonna block her it's a that's an act complete act he's not as frail
00:51:15
and who is this character behind him from guess who what the [ __ ] is that yeah no I know this is an act I know this is an act is it okay I know dudes like that so that the guy that owns
00:51:27
MADtv what do you mean the guy that started that know he is like he's a big kind of a old Hollywood mogul his name
00:51:33
is David Salzmann do you know him David salzman yeah he sounds familiar so he's that he he used to produce back in the
00:51:40
day Dallas oh yeah Judy he also was partners with Quincy Jones for many many years
00:51:46
right the greatest producer producer in the history of music right so David Salzmann he still hangs out at the Laugh
00:51:52
Factory he's like this old I love is he he's older than him well he's only 68 yeah I think yeah but David sells has
00:51:58
got to be in the 70s right right but Saul Z if you [ __ ] touches the legs I always grab his like groin and it's like thighs and stuff you know mania and it's
00:52:08
literally like made out of cement you said hard as a rock it's he's so strong solid right so I
00:52:16
think that like all the Hollywood moguls like Salzmann I think height Weinstein's in that way
00:52:22
really yeah they look frail but there super like they do [ __ ] at night that we're not aware of right did they [ __ ] do matzo ball [ __ ] you know I mean that's a ball whatever the do we do
00:52:34
they lift matzo balls for whatever I don't know welcome to the Jewish agenda yeah but I
00:52:40
know what you mean you think he's trying act but still though dude the fact that he beat it the fact that he beat it and
00:52:46
guys like like this like look at this kid Washington State this football player 22 years old in great shape and he dies that's how you know something's
00:52:53
going on no III think there's a cure dude if you're rich enough they got it if you're rich enough they got it you think though how do you think magic be dates before everybody else you think he
00:53:06
didn't beat it yeah he did it undetected HIV is undetectable his blood then him no it's it's undetectable in his blood
00:53:12
they literally can't detect it and now now they have two people that they've completely quote-unquote cured
00:53:17
undetectable but it took him 20 years it's like these serial killers that find Jesus and you know they find Jesus in
00:53:23
jail yeah and they go yeah I'm saved yeah no matter I don't give a fine I believe that right yeah but deep down
00:53:30
inside that's saved yeah there's something going on do you think if you do you think if you got really sick
00:53:35
you'd find Jesus no no I can't I can't I just because of the Crusades and be just because of just their ideology and their you didn't have any religion growing up
00:53:47
anyway not really no but it's oh I know I know I know I know I know I know I know dead church let me ask this though you know how like White's always have white Jesus in in Catholic churches
00:54:01
black people have black Jesus sometimes in their church do Asians have Asian Jesus Buddha no but I'm saying bizarre
00:54:07
is there ever Jesus that's Asian Dao you know like if you walk into my church the number one religion in Korea is
00:54:13
Christianity I don't know if you know this yes I do it is and if you look at their Jesus right it's not like so funny
00:54:20
though you know me it's a what it's the white one on the cross I guess behind the pulpit yeah but they use the white one yeah that's my point in black churches they will use a black Jesus now they use the white one yeah why because
00:54:34
I think it's the safe one yeah I don't know I think Asians secretly you know they would admire whites do not all of them I think
00:54:42
they're they I think they're on the same kind of you know there's some oppressing going on right right and capitalism
00:54:51
you know right a number one thing really in in Asia in Korea yeah in China obviously capitalism run rules rules yeah so what they have a they have like a
00:55:02
they're okay with white Jesus yeah it's like I know so many Korean chicks that are married to white dudes hmm but if they were married to a Vietnamese dude or any other person mom and dad
00:55:15
would lose it they would they would disown them Wow my cousin kind of want to say this out loud yeah yeah Eddie
00:55:21
yeah married a Vietnamese woman she's really nice yeah I love her what's her name yeah it doesn't matter
00:55:37
Tran and my uncle who I love jacking up on chocolate on mom and I'm buying Jagga DOMA they didn't go
00:55:44
to the wedding no yeah because she was Vietnamese damn really we have to cut that part out no
00:55:50
leave it it's personal but it's real it is pretty really they didn't go to the wedding that's kind of harsh yes so um I
00:55:57
remember just growing up getting in fights with my parents about all that stuff it's like did your parents ever tell you if you marry if you marry a new
00:56:04
you if you if you were gay if you gay I'll rip your dick off yeah and like you're eating Thanksgiving dinner yeah he would just make these statements if
00:56:19
you grow friendly the black eye cute hey everybody yeah and then you hear stuff like that
00:56:27
but then as you get older you go what that's crazy yeah what the [ __ ] you're talking about but we're all the same but
00:56:33
for them but then they would change so what like when Obama ran for president the first time mm-hmm
00:56:39
we're gonna vote for who is it the guy that he's running against not McCain it was at McCain yeah John McCain ran cuz we live here in Arizona and I'm like no you're voting
00:56:52
for Obama okay I mean they were like I just would they would just do what I would say because they realized at some point your parents kind of realized that you might not you might know more than them yeah I also they know that I will
00:57:03
be like you know it's like you'll be alive when they're gone it's not even that it's like yeah I really believe this it's I know a lot of white kids
00:57:11
right they go right here I know but not you're not this in this kind okay why kids yeah my parents are huge Maggie Maggie Maggie yeah I mean and I'm like oh but you're not yeah that's crazy
00:57:23
it's like that point of you is crazy I go but how do you you know it's your job to change them yeah buts a lot but but
00:57:31
like your parents what are they that's hard I think their problem they're they're traditionally conservative
00:57:37
people but they're not Maggie Maggie people would they voted for him no okay I mean I don't know you've never asked really but I just I'm we make fun of
00:57:49
them so much that I just figure on the same page like that did like my Twitter with my are my texts with my parents and
00:57:55
my sister yeah it's us just sending Trump clips yeah yeah but they're traditionally conservative people yeah
00:58:01
so my parents but it's like you know um I just try to sway there you know like my mom I told my mom like I cuz I'd like cuz I like to Pete Buddha Jed she liked him too yeah I gave veteran I thought
00:58:14
that was a good liberal if you're gonna have a liberal candidate I was like get a gay [ __ ] veteran and yeah a guy who
00:58:19
sucks [ __ ] and shoots guns yeah that's the one get him in there I'll I thought he was I think he was too young people
00:58:25
don't like young guys for some reason this country's obsessed with old prep what is art why do we like old guys to
00:58:30
be a president why can't it just be someone young because I think that it it because you're like he's because George
00:58:36
Washington were that white wig yeah and he looked like he's a 90 year old angel that's cuz he was bald I know my point
00:58:43
though is is that it always had they always had like you know older dudes through generations cuz it feels like we
00:58:49
know more than you you put they don't know no [ __ ] yeah no [ __ ] because look at Canadians guy who's can
00:58:55
a do Trudeau yeah he's young guy young guy yeah you know mean yeah you can tell he's just power Fox
00:59:02
yeah yeah right I mean where is Trump looks like he does sloppy [ __ ] like you hear this noise
00:59:13
you mean innit I'm done yeah right he goes I'm gonna wait you where do you feel this a lot yeah and then it's done I'm done
00:59:25
and it's like in her bellybutton yeah milania's bellybutton this feels good to me my candies yeah that poor [ __ ] robot slave um look at this I want to
00:59:37
bring up this article I wanted you see that the one this is really sad I got a couple of noes Pete news pieces I want to share with you New York man and
00:59:44
girlfriend quarantine in Mexico are shot and killed this is why we're at the [ __ ] bottom of journalism right now by the way you want to know why we're at
00:59:49
the butt bottom of journalism okay this mini vani Burke out of NBC News look what she did New York man a
00:59:55
girlfriend quarantine in Mexico shot and killed okay this is really sad he goes down to Mexico to quarantine with this woman he loves right mm-hmm
01:00:01
police say 20 gun shots fired at the vehicle nobody's been arrested all right he met Baca physical education teacher
01:00:08
in Juarez during a trip to Texas he goes down there to quarantine he was a good dude his friend said this one really
01:00:14
[ __ ] me up another friend Adam house at Landers had been in Mexico for about three weeks and the last time the two
01:00:19
spoke was a few days before his death house ad Landers told him he was trying to learn Spanish and joked about gaining
01:00:25
weight from eating too many churros why the [ __ ] is that in an article about a guy who got shot 20 times why the [ __ ]
01:00:35
is there a joke journal in Spanish he was eating too many churros anyway he's [ __ ] dead why is that the joke they
01:00:41
put in there it might not be a joke with that what if that's real why would that be the thing okay that's information I want to know ready
01:00:48
I'm NBC News yeah yeah blah blah blah I'm Who am I playing hello hi this Bobby Lee yeah hey Bob we uh we have some terrible news to tell you we a friend of yours a guy who you do a podcast with
01:01:02
Andrew Santino was brutally gunned down and murdered yeah in Mexico and Juarez he was killed
01:01:08
yes yeah can we get a quote from you please what what can we say about what can you say about him uh what I like
01:01:14
about him he doesn't look good at shorts mm-hmm okay orange orange II thick orange e jungle E eyebrow well he used to because they were they they shot his head clean off his body
01:01:25
about a hundred yeah and then he his skin so pinkish okay thank you Bob yeah that's what I would say that would be the quote his skin so pinkish yeah okay yeah and he liked to drink beer I
01:01:40
don't like beer I would I don't know I would just make it up so that's what this guy did probably is getting away
01:01:47
from eating Charles and they're like no he's dead he's like haha yeah okay I would say that's what you really
01:01:54
deserved it that's what you would say yeah let me ask you that I'll be the reporter okay it'd be real though okay
01:02:00
hey you know what you're right you're right you know what you're right you're right now I'm gonna be real are you I wanna do a real one two now okay I'll do
01:02:06
okay I'll call you but then I want to do a real one to this okay let's see be as real as we can okay call me all right big if you're not real although okay
01:02:14
okay all right bring-bring put it in vain mmm reading over a converting block oh okay
01:02:36
hello hello who's this hey um no we don't want any no I'm a reporter for the Phillip Phillip Philadelphia Inquirer oh my god I okay what why so anyway um we
01:02:47
just got some startling news and I just we just want to get a quote from your you're a guy that you are associate is a
01:02:54
weight associated with I'm sorry I'm uh what what is he to me he's as somebody that you do you work with oh my gob Ely
01:03:03
oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway um they just found um parts of his body just he's dead he chopped him up and
01:03:18
they put him in a dumpster Jesus and then one dumpster was in front of a baby PF Changs the other one was behind a man
01:03:23
Express if we have no idea what the court connection is but why are you laughing sir I'm not yeah and they found his foot in a la
01:03:31
Alejandro's desk whoa yeah Wow that's terrible yeah so how do you feel do you have any quotes or uh yeah I got a couple of quotes um I mean just off the top of my head I
01:03:46
guess a fork in the road emerged and I took the one less traveled no I I really do I love Bobby very much it doesn't sound your emotion no no I mean it I mean it I mean it I did love
01:04:01
him very much he was great he was a wonderful dude a very very good comic and I'm gonna miss him very much and I
01:04:07
think it's sad I think it's sad that he's gone now and can never really tell his truth but you know what's that
01:04:16
what's that what's his truth is that what you said look you know because let me say something he was into bestiality but he had sex with all of his animals okay put that in the paper that's that's how they reverse
01:04:29
sneeze they begin reverse sneezing when you put you it when you put your Pippi in there but that's how they reverse sneeze I wouldn't be so sad if I got
01:04:36
that real man yeah I'd be so sad if you were gone yeah I don't want literally be just be like I would literally just be
01:04:42
like well you'd be still be playing yeah I'll be playing yeah yeah III you're trying to upgrade my armor by the way somebody told us that Witcher was on
01:04:55
your phone or started was on your phone you said no it's not yeah it is yeah but it's not the kind of I'll get mad at the
01:05:03
version the version on your phone can't be as complex as the actual console one okay okay tell me about this year hold
01:05:10
on police show photos crystal meth and hotel room where Andrew Gilliam was found a drew Gilliam is the he's the guy
01:05:17
who's running for former Democratic candidate for Florida governor this guy this is party boy dude check this out
01:05:22
and this is my favorite [ __ ] crystal meth was found in there mm-hmm look at this [ __ ] he Dyson said he was a
01:05:27
porn star performer solicited business as a gay male escort party but look at how many drugs look at how fun this is here's what was in there
01:05:35
citalopram gaba laughs Anton xanax a vial containing mixture of pepper Veen phentolamine alla Prasad ill and a combo used to treat erectile dysfunction oh my
01:05:46
this stupid you know what any of those are except for xanax I know what xanax is I know what no I don't know any
01:05:55
offense Allah mean mentally mean add a prosody alla prosody oh yeah oh oh this is a combination used to treat but all these they put together to treat limp-dick yeah that probably uh well the
01:06:08
what it's not because he has mental disorder is that math affects your yeah you're able to [ __ ] like a champ
01:06:14
you can [ __ ] but it you kits are difficult to get hard when you're on meth so these things combined get you
01:06:19
hard it's like it when people do like you know people drink and they get sleepy yeah this isn't combined it with
01:06:25
cocaine or they put you know they drink vodka Red Bull vodka Red Bull or something like that
01:06:30
to even out I know but that sounds like a lot of cocktail of drugs so like even out one did he die no dude he's alive oh
01:06:39
yes this guy's alive why is it news they busted him with up because they released all these photos of meth they were like what happened to this guy who's running
01:06:45
for governor he got busted in a hotel room he said he was at a wedding that's my favorite thing is when they were like oh no I was just had a wedding having
01:06:51
some fun I ended up in a hotel room none of that stuff is mine look at all these [ __ ] pills do my neighbor used to throw pill parties in West Hollywood
01:06:57
[ __ ] pill parties like ha he would throw but he would not like this to it you didn't like it like this that's Joe
01:07:02
Joe asked Joey Diaz no no what I'm telling you is he would have game game effed out [ __ ] yeah he would know [ __ ]
01:07:11
all hours of the night he would have guys coming and going and coming to going to by the dozens I mean dude would
01:07:16
be coming and going and they would be [ __ ] and partying yeah till five six seven eight in the morning I love that and the only reason
01:07:23
I know is because I would come home late from the store and I see them and he kind of had a few moments with me like
01:07:29
hey you're cool right like you're not a snitch and I was like yeah I'm not a snitch I just don't want I don't I don't
01:07:36
want people coming at 5:00 in the morning on I mean yeah like 2 a.m. is fine 3 look let me say this is my PSA if
01:07:42
you're gonna have if you live in a gay neighborhood you want math [ __ ] parties that's chill but on weeknights
01:07:47
can you keep it to like 3:00 a.m. 4:00 and 6:00 a.m. I can hear you guys [ __ ] abandoned Bing well I was noting
01:07:55
his lap I was because I was only straight guy in my comp and you know what my old Italian my old Italian
01:08:00
landlord the funniest thing on earth when I go to look at the apartment she goes she's a Nunzio that was her name
01:08:05
she goes you're uh you're the Santino I said yeah I'm saying here she goes you're not italiano
01:08:11
I said no no I am but my father is I just I am my mother's Irish you us Oh only half and I said yes only half and
01:08:19
she goes okay well here is the apartment and I go oh this is really nice and I look around
01:08:24
and I like it and I go this is pretty great I would love to take this apartment and she and she go I'm not kidding she goes how did you do it gay
01:08:32
yeah I was like no no I'm not I'm not getting you really that's good yeah but you seem gay to your people probably yeah and then I said no I'm not going she goes yeah everyone here is a gay it's in middle of
01:08:50
West Hollywood yeah I go yeah no I like the neighborhood's close to comedy clubs that's where I work so I wanted to stay close to comedy clubs and she goes okay
01:08:57
good well this is good for you this apartment is good for you it's a good for me you seem nice and I was like god
01:09:03
I can't believe somebody would give this apartment up not making this up this is a fact I have proof of this she goes the
01:09:09
men who live here before he died and I go oh really oh my god that's terrible was he an older man she goes no he was young he had two aides she said it like
01:09:22
no big deal yeah he was young he had two aids so the longer Tiki is over there I
01:09:27
mean it was no big deal to her and I'm in Sochi cuz you have to disclose you if somebody dies in the apartment you know this yeah I know that yeah he died in
01:09:33
the apartment of AIDS you had an AIDS ghost yeah at AIDS ghosts yeah my um you know La Jolla yeah
01:09:40
you know the condo Oh you ever seen that condo all the time I mean back then back in the day yeah well
01:09:48
we were struggling and there's a there is a edged into one of the cabinets is Bob Bobby Lee as a homo somebody wrote
01:09:53
that in there probably they're really yeah that's out - etched in there in one of the drawers or whatever it may be yeah not
01:10:00
but in the late 90s I used to MC there and Mitzi paired me up with Stephen Moore I don't know who that is you don't know him you know he has HIV and another gay guy named Brian Bradley
01:10:11
you don't know and Brad Bradley used to used to do an improv troupe with Robin Williams Wow
01:10:18
so they they all come from the zoo in San Francisco so anyway Brian Bradley and and we're in the condo late at night
01:10:25
and they go you wouldn't hear a story about this condo and I go yeah I like history and like uh in 82 right Stephen
01:10:37
you were there Steve oh yeah I was there we had about 150 men here and we did a hundred fifty man train in sync like
01:10:49
through the rooms they were just like it like it like like what's that movie where they were you with the human
01:10:54
centipede very long centipede Wow yeah and we were just like we would say out loud pop and they would all pump together right no pump together right it
01:11:12
was just like a wave of dicks going drunk that it was just we just came all over everything
01:11:18
although the sheets and the you're right and I remember the next night I didn't stay there nobody slept on the [ __ ]
01:11:24
beach yeah yeah yeah it was I I couldn't touch anything that place you there well that place used to be no you're the one
01:11:30
it was blue with carpet it's calm 20 year old come yeah it was Wow yeah I mean what fun all my could if I was gay yeah you know was there oh my
01:11:44
god would have been I would've been in the middle no yeah oh no the Train see I think you're closer to the back
01:11:50
wait what does it matter unless they need someone they need someone who's low to the ground who's got good center of gravity yeah to push
01:11:56
the train forward the caboose is who was the strongest and you got a lot of I don't I also know if I was going might
01:12:03
not like the anal part of it what would you want to be the one you want I'll be the caboose the very end so I have no
01:12:09
one else I'm saying what you give I will see the one yelling out do three two one all right three do it
01:12:17
we're all pumped together right I think a bobber you want to get the middle of the caboose in the front yeah no I'm in
01:12:26
the dead middle I want it both that you wouldn't yeah you would only give you wouldn't receive the Human Centipede what uh what how great what do you mean
01:12:40
how long we see the human centipede oh my god what it is is these just if you haven't seen it you should see it yeah by the way all the criticism that we get from the show that's saying Rudy's too young to hear any this stuff
01:12:51
Tito Bobby is the one that elicits all this information to her and she's also um 80 18 years old
01:12:56
yeah it is still quite young it's still quite young she's right in the cusp of being far too young it doesn't matter
01:13:01
like you know the term barely leaves ready yeah she's ready ready sure yeah go ahead it's a movie called her family
01:13:06
and to me it's a real real movie and he's pleased I forget the gist but it's these two girls that are out in the
01:13:12
Europe yeah partying yeah and they get captured by some German surgeon always Nazis yes some crazy German surgeon and basically what they do is he does is he surgically puts one of the
01:13:27
woman's mouth tied to a Japanese man's [ __ ] right so she's like like just surgically his [ __ ] showed like so yeah and then
01:13:40
her friend is in the back of her surgically right her and they walk around like a human centipede isn't that what just the gist of it that's it yeah
01:13:50
you like that you like that rude is that cool yeah and then the Japanese guys the smartest
01:13:56
one of course I remember he went right and he some glass and he killed himself yeah he knew better I would kill myself too yeah hey speaking of gay stuff can I
01:14:13
show you something yeah you know Theo you know Theo von we know Theo von you know Theo von a man Theo vinyl LP oh yeah hey my steez yep
01:14:21
Theo Theo has a producer Gianni do you know Gianni Paolo I love him he's done my part sexy dude right love oh good actor so he was joking around with me and he we were supposed to do something for him today
01:14:32
but we didn't do it but he was joking around with me and was like you know I'm gay stuff like that and I was like okay yeah Jionni's gay mm-hmm I don't well
01:14:43
look it he sent me this and you tell me okay tell me if this is gay yeah this is
01:14:50
a real dildo Santino I'm gay it's out of nowhere it wasn't a competition or anything he just sent it to him would he do that I don't know I think he's on
01:15:05
meth yeah he's he's a really hit me be good he's always been kind of you know kind of out of nowhere he sent this to me wasn't that weird though that's very strange to send this like what that dildo looks like a banana it's real
01:15:18
though he'd say he said it's really cuz you're way a bet look at how it bends when it hits his butt yeah yeah watch here oh you know what you don't like I
01:15:26
saw I'm gay you know what I just saw what is he doing is it the work what do you mean he started going up and down he
01:15:33
bounces yeah he knows what he's doing I like it when they the girls do that if I
01:15:38
do the work I don't like it when you push up yeah yeah he does the work do you do is that is that a big problem you
01:15:44
and you know em again there you are when you push up you don't like pushing up when claw is on top of me what I do is I
01:15:52
go I'll whisper in it you're a little bit and she just like you know her ass and I'll just be like I just be like oh Jesus Rudy put close your ears oh yeah I don't
01:16:22
give a [ __ ] it's quarantine and it's like I said are you guys going nuts because of it hey tell me this how are you you talked
01:16:28
about your dreams at the beginning I'm interested for real do you have have you been having like violent dreams I've had
01:16:33
really weird weird dreams but not negative they're not violent they just you know it's like they just don't make any really a sense give me today last night I had a dream where we received vampire eggs oh yeah I
01:16:46
sent us to you know and then I remember going what are these and then kalila going in the drain their vampire eggs
01:16:53
yeah I go I use it the chicken that's the vampire or human I don't get it the human beings and then we cut to we live
01:17:01
in a stone house this is not funny because I'm just telling you exactly I want to hear it yeah so we live in a stone house which is not what our house
01:17:08
looks like I remember being in this gigantic kind of garden II backyard yeah somehow behind a bush smoking and kalila
01:17:17
squatting yeah squatting yeah and kalila is talking to some scientist or biologist about vampire eggs oh wow and then he starts going into a story about
01:17:29
some Puerto Rican girl who lost her all her money or something and then I remember thinking to myself we have this wooden vacuum cleaner that I found right
01:17:41
it's like an ancient wooden vacuum cleaner that we found yeah and then I remember thinking myself should we give it to the Puerto Rican girl for her to
01:17:47
sell mm-hmm that she can make the money yeah so then it all shifted to the wooden vacuum cleaner well that is the
01:17:53
focus yeah right and then all of a sudden that was it that was a dream what do you think that means I don't know but when I woke up you know when you have a
01:17:59
dream like that you wake up you go sense yeah but that but I like it yeah but it's like just abstract and weird what in vacuum cleaner must mean something
01:18:10
it wasn't yeah it was a vacuum cleaner but it was like in a wooden kind of bamboo thing and you would lift it up it
01:18:16
was solid wood and then but it was Ange yeah like back in then that's what they used is it what they used I don't know
01:18:23
yeah I don't think that was it and then the vampire eggs went away they disappeared it just wasn't in a part of
01:18:29
the dream anymore it was like almost as like part 2 of a movie and then the second one didn't make any sense I had
01:18:35
one of those where I kept entering different rooms the other day you know when you like walk it I've walked into a room in my head it was in my house but
01:18:42
it looked nothing like my house it looked like a like an old you know like uh you remember do you remember the
01:18:49
first season of Westworld oh oh love do you remember the house that she lives in that you know I'm talking about it it
01:18:57
was like that like out in the middle of nowhere but I remember thinking I had to get in I had to get in one of the rooms
01:19:02
to find my dog I was like that's for my dog yeah yeah and when I walked into the room in the house no dog no room I'm not
01:19:10
I'm not there at all I'm like outside of a storefront and it's raining and there's like a and I'm underneath the
01:19:15
awning and I'm looking out suspiciously because I think something's chasing me yeah yeah but like I wish I could wake
01:19:21
myself up and be like where's the do the dog is still gone yeah the [ __ ] I wanted to see the dog get to the fourth door
01:19:27
front I have no idea but it was rain it was pouring down rain and I think that it was from and I said this when I woke
01:19:32
up I said you know what the storefront felt like the night I hit a guy with my car maybe was my brain react sizing I
01:19:39
hit a guy with my car when it's pouring rain and I like one of those that believe that dreams tie into reality
01:19:44
yeah there's a sort of subconscious thing what do you mean that's literally what it is it's your brain firing synapses going back and forth and
01:19:50
gathering pieces or it could be my brain that I got a little David Lynch in my brain there is a little dinner what a
01:19:55
direct a movie you're a David Lynch in your own brain yeah well whatever right but I'm saying it takes pieces of reality together okay number one I've
01:20:02
never I don't know what a vampire egg is yes you do that's never been a thing a vampire egg
01:20:08
is it's absolutely a thing vampires lay eggs how do you think you get more vampires Rudy please Rudy please yeah
01:20:19
but you're taking pieces of things from your life yeah but that doesn't make it so I don't know anything about that and
01:20:25
then I play any video games with vampires in them oh you know what's so funny mm-hmm in in stardew valley
01:20:33
there is an egg yeah it's a it's it's they're called void eggs void eggs and that's what the eggs look like like
01:20:40
vampire right yes they were black they're black eggs with like red like it's kind of glowing yeah so maybe
01:20:46
that's where I got that from that's right they come from somewhere right but then the wood and vacuum cleaner I don't know well I think you you wish you
01:20:54
were okay I would say it's because you wish you were cleaner you wish you could clean better I don't know man it's stretch and you're Asian so it's bamboo
01:21:00
wooden and I think that's got to be there's got to be something there yeah dreams are reflection of some part of our reality Rudy do you have crazy
01:21:11
dreams you do I'm not gonna explain any of them it's gonna be one word it's fine
01:21:17
explain a dream that you had give us a dream get closer to the [ __ ] it was a violent violent yeah like what get closer to the mic don't back away
01:21:29
killing whoa really really take the mic from the thing so you can hold it that way it doesn't have to be in that stand you can take it out yeah yeah yeah rip it just pull it out just just get
01:21:42
culture to the mic all right okay yeah wait tell me don't get close to the bike don't go away you killed somebody
01:21:47
tell us yeah you don't would sway your mic just keep your mouth right where the mic is she's like swaying her [ __ ]
01:21:53
thing cuz she doesn't want to talk here pull up on just pull up it'll come out just pull up on the mic it'll come right out of that sand there you go yeah tell
01:22:00
us yeah I don't know I just I'm in a place and then I see a lot of people yeah and then I just see a knife and then I just start stabbing you just
01:22:16
stabbed random people yeah why why are you doing that I don't know do you feel it do you feel like remorse or anger as you're doing it like are you mad when you're doing you're just doing go why am I doing this I don't like I don't want
01:22:29
to do it I'm like happy you're happy you're put the mic back on the thing put that mic back of the thing oh my god what do you do Billy why do I kill in my
01:22:39
dreams I want to know what's wrong dreams okay love dreams of murder may signal real-life aggression people who dream about murder may be more
01:22:45
aggressive during what way controversial new study finds the researchers were funded people a dream of killing others tend to be hostile
01:22:50
introverted and often don't get along with others when they're awake well I have to say this she is a little
01:22:57
introverted in the house but are you hostile is she no she's the kindest girl like I know so we think no no at nights
01:23:05
mm-hmm I have my five in the morning meal and it's usually a greasy pan yeah with like meat stuck to the pan right and she wakes up to like this chaos like
01:23:16
a mad scientist yeah a meat pie right gross and she every morning I don't ask her she just cleans it that's really
01:23:23
nice she does all the dishes she wipes down counter that's what this is what this is as she's cleaning she's like I'm
01:23:30
going to kill Bobby one day tell me tell me another dream so we could try to dissect where it's
01:23:35
coming in because you're not an angry person what's another dream that you've had it's not really happy dreams oh no are
01:23:44
they always sad yeah and like someone is chasing me who's chasing you it's like tall it's like a slender man Oh slender man is
01:23:58
chasing you why am I being chased in my dreams let's find out what this one says yeah if you're dreaming about being
01:24:04
chased it generally means you are avoiding an issue or a person your subconscious is telling you you need to confront the issue and or the person in
01:24:09
order to get on with your life look at as a Slenderman right there that's you getting chased by Slenderman Slenderman
01:24:16
one of the most important factors in a dream is where you're being chased or who is chasing you where are they chasing you the woods yeah and then what
01:24:28
and where are you like where are you going to do they ever get you no but I'm stuck like you can't like you can't get
01:24:35
up yeah oh I hate those I hate the slow running oh god I want to run fast but you're going have you ever punched in
01:24:41
your dream oh yeah yeah and you can't punch it was a physic you're punching who jello does that happen to you no so
01:24:48
when you stab can you stab at your own rate or is it like slow you know it's but it's not it doesn't feel like it's
01:24:55
resistance it feels like you can actually stab them yeah oh my god you have like a little demon
01:25:00
human in your house you got it you might have to go back to the Philippines what do you think how much her fly said the Philippines right now do you think I
01:25:06
don't even get there really it's not even that is that anything like that if she wants to come back she's not gonna
01:25:12
be able to come back but you think we can book other flight flight from LA eggs to the Philippines look LAX to the
01:25:18
Philippines let's see what we've got on the docket to Manila non-stop for $900 Jesus he lives in Cebu it doesn't matter
01:25:24
she can walk there's Islands you [ __ ] oh really you can't walk to an island you walk to the
01:25:30
end and then you swim to the next island we could put you on Korean air one stop
01:25:35
yeah eight hundred and forty four dollars should we buy it right now no no no this is a return we don't want to
01:25:41
become problem is and Rupe the problem is is because of the present that we have yeah they are coming back to
01:25:47
America if she wants to come back to go back to school right she's not gonna be able to do it it's 19 I don't like
01:25:52
little Filipinos because it's 98 degrees outside today it is yeah yeah we can't put the aircon on we're gonna put the Erica we're gonna put the air on in a second okay because I think we can hear it well I want to elicit a competition
01:26:05
for everybody cuz Bobbi brags about his house and somebody hit me up online it was like Bobby always brags about his house what does it look like show your
01:26:10
house at Bobby's and obviously never gonna show his house that would be foolish when did I brag about my house just last
01:26:16
episode you were like I got a big you everybody knows gotta talk it's it's a I'm kidding it's I'm gonna be honest
01:26:21
with you I want everybody to draw someone to draw a 3d drawing with you is it you want Sebastian's house right Rudy mascot oh my god how big was that house
01:26:32
very big right yeah it's like 50 million dollars or something right so let me ask you something what how many times bigger
01:26:40
you think Sebastian house than my arse ten times ten times this is coming from a murderer by the way I know no Whitney Cummings right bigger her house is probably five
01:26:52
to five or six and literally five or six times bigger than mine yeah it's very big daliyah's five or six times bigger
01:26:58
w has seven houses now I know so that was my point yeah I have one [ __ ] house one nice house what it's okay I
01:27:05
want people to draw the house what they think it looks like so people send in your drawings to what you think it looks like yeah
01:27:11
bad friends mail at gmail.com because I really want to see what they think your house what does your house look like extremely modest ranch one it's just a
01:27:19
one Hubley bedrooms seventeen how many bedrooms three are this three as well how many bathrooms three ours is 3 as well you have four bathrooms kalila said 3 right 3 pool hot
01:27:32
tub we have a pool dealer pool yeah yeah send the same as yours ok alright son but you're in that you're in
01:27:38
the Hollywood Hills alright look people send in your drawings I want to see what you guys think the house looks like and also if anybody out there knows what dreams mean
01:27:51
yeah can you please let us know what what what's wrong with Rudy's dreams and we can dissect them next week cuz I really want to find out I love you say
01:27:57
goodbye ready thank you for being a bad friend [Music] you