00:00:00
hey y'all hey we're launching a patreon that's right patreon.com bad friends and
00:00:07
you get more than more you get more than more not only do you get the episode on Friday instead of Monday you got a
00:00:13
Friday ad free ad free so you get the episode ad free on Friday instead of on Monday and you get extras bonus content
00:00:20
and you know we do weird stuff like this the bad friends court is now in session
00:00:26
honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable Judge Andrew Santino presided let's hear it here Daniela Ortiz versus his brother he wants to take his uh brother to core
00:00:37
because of dog support we need a better reader we need a better read we need someone that speaks Mamma Mia claims
00:00:42
that Tony Trattoria employees broke into her restaurant and stole her secret recipe for the legendary Perfect Pizza
00:00:48
whoa Pizza gate uh we know the secret sauce on the count of three one two three hello hello
00:00:55
hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on there we go I got speaker hello up there in Canada take a couple of Pucks in her slitty are you Mormon yeah that's great man
00:01:19
back in at my phone to see it I got hit by a truck how thick is it how thick is it nobody
00:01:26
cares if yes he's gonna be so jealous he's at work right now she has a fiance hey what's up you dork where does he work at the factory I'm a huge fan of
00:01:38
the podcast I love you guys so much who do you like more we love you and I hope you don't get deported anytime soon
00:01:43
goodbye so so patreon.com bad friends what is it Bob patreon.com bad friend you gotta do it the link is in the description below [Music]
00:02:00
[Music] we're bad friends okay here we go here we go I didn't like that beginning well we should say talk about movies we should say we're missing one of our favorite people here because he's back
00:02:12
in Espana and we're sending all of our love to fancy B thank you thank you fancy B we love you we miss you I mean
00:02:17
miss you I said thank you that was ridiculous no no thank you is also nice thank you for being here he's not here
00:02:23
God bye yeah bye okay he's gone I love him I miss him but we have Carlos here who got a brand new car yes Carlos got a
00:02:31
brand new car oh yeah why why don't you show it off show it off to everybody new car new puppy yeah and new apartment is
00:02:38
the puppy still alive and stuff it's Saturday get him on the second this is the car oh yeah that's right he got a
00:02:43
brand new Mercedes oh my God whoa so insane damn that tour pain you're good yeah what the [ __ ] how much did we pay this guy I did get it from a tour and I thanked Andrew for he did very
00:02:55
graciously a brand new C300 sedan what color black black yeah I got it in Black wow honestly how does it afford that
00:03:02
we it's a down payment we gave him 600 grand for the tour I think I think that's what we paid him we
00:03:12
no but it's a good looking car congrats because you got no he got into a car accident you need a new car oh I just don't know how you why did you go like
00:03:18
Honda Civic I mean why that because it's sick I know but the things because it's sick dude I'm gonna live in
00:03:25
my car I I understand that but where do you work here with us I'm here with you yeah I know but my mind is like because
00:03:31
I kind of know what we're gonna make here I don't know why you would buy a such an expensive car well actually I'm getting money from the insurance for my
00:03:37
other car okay that's all I need to hear okay okay and your Rich Dad yeah okay good but also also from the insurance
00:03:43
look Bob his back hurts you know what I mean yeah yeah your spine's broke I didn't get the car the day I went to the dealership because my dad still needs to do the co-signing and stuff so then are
00:03:55
you being real your dad's doing it yeah he's co-signing he's co-signing how he can't get the lease on his own what's your credit score genuinely you're like
00:04:01
260. that well no it's like it's below three it's got to be below three gotta be kidding no it's like 7 20 or something like Whoa it's really good wow that's good that's really good but for
00:04:11
like a benzo you can't you you would have to put a lot of money for that you have to have really good credit for Benz
00:04:17
what's your credit score do you know it's I surprised I think it's like 720 which is kind of embarrassing it's lower
00:04:23
than Carlos what's it embarrassing I've been alive longer I paid bills I just started establishing credit yeah that's right we got you on credit now finally yeah it's fun I can look up my credit
00:04:33
score right now on my city app let's you guys want to see what it is let's hear what it is what's my FICO score no it's
00:04:38
in the 800s Bobby what's going on with you I just don't like this direction okay let's start over 865. oh my God
00:04:45
yeah you get a boat yeah should we buy a boat I don't know why all right Bob I don't know how to even get out of
00:04:51
credits Decor it's a you establish credit by you have how many credit cards you have my bunch I've always had them
00:04:56
he probably has perfect credit yeah do you pay them off every month oh yeah well then you're done yeah you're good you got great I don't know how to get
00:05:01
the actual Google Bobby Lee credit score wouldn't that be funny like net worth they put up with your credit score is as
00:05:07
your shifts publicly it's your net worth right now nothing no pay your own bills what does it say 10 million I can't
00:05:12
imagine him dude it's so funny six months ago I was at one million wow 10 million 10 million that's insane 5'4
00:05:19
that's wrong I'm fine you're free all right five three what the [ __ ] month wait that's me it says you make a quarter million a month wow that's
00:05:29
pretty impressive what wow good for you Bob I don't know that's amazing I don't make that at all well Steve Bennett says
00:05:36
you do yeah Steve Bennett says go look up Andrew on that okay look up Andrew on that that's how embarrassing this is go ahead go Andrews you know what they're gonna go user not found no
00:05:48
you're on there for sure yes I told you not impossible I'm not famous like Bobby's a famous kid obviously yeah you're famous did that
00:06:00
hurt S no he got hurt that you weren't found no I just told you I said user not found [Laughter]
00:06:18
where is it where does it say it was so sad five million yeah oh [ __ ] that's wrong too so sorry dude no I I you blew this up I know I really
00:06:31
know I'm the one that called it out oh my God that was so sad why would I care I saw I hope it's never found
00:06:38
ever ever ever key takeaways he's blushing oh God that was so funny anyway let's
00:06:44
move on holy [ __ ] you know you know you're the greatest gaslighter I've ever seen to make up something out of
00:06:50
absolutely nothing yeah yeah it's like I'm the best at it he's probably yeah it is a narcissistic skill that you possess I don't have narcissism Bob I don't have narcissism Bobby yeah
00:07:02
Bobby no I have empathy for things I cry every day for things excessive interest in admiration of oneself or one's
00:07:08
physical appearance I don't out of the second half no the latter part no but admiration to oneself
00:07:13
no you know I feel like I'm a piece of [ __ ] I don't deserve anything that's not true oh I do
00:07:20
that's that's right that's my whole thing because I I bombed I suck but knowing it's your thing makes it not your thing then all I hear is I I mean no if I no if I'm just in that zone yeah
00:07:34
I mean it's never good I would never set you're not you're a narcissist you're you're not you're definitely not I mean
00:07:39
narcissist does this right they'll purposely not feed their dog to watch them suffer oh my God no no that's
00:07:45
different that's that that's animal abuse that's not no that's no no that's what narcissists do though no narcissistic they would like to see
00:07:51
things suffer no no that's shouting freuda yeah which was shyden freuda schadenfreude is getting enjoyment from
00:07:58
other people's pain that's shot and food that's that's still masochism is the is the enjoyment but that's still uh um in
00:08:05
um a personality trait within narcissists I don't think so these are two separate things his narcissism is
00:08:10
just self-involved masochism refers to the enjoyment experience pain while sadism refers to the enjoyment of inflicting pain so sadists like watching
00:08:16
other things suffer masochist like I mean what I mean if I was a narcissist why would I go on a Darkness retreat
00:08:23
let's let's let's let's get you on that Darkness Retreat baby so it's like you know why why would I do that because
00:08:30
it's all about you no it's because I'm in pain I wanna I wanna use yeah because I hate myself no I really you don't hate
00:08:38
yourself yes that's it so it's like why would I have my Melanie what what you looked at Carlos what'd you just do it's just a friendship I hello
00:08:51
what what what are you doing I just saw you do something like this and then we didn't
00:08:57
what's going on here what are you doing I'm surprised let me ask you something what in God's name is going on here what
00:09:05
are you afraid of right now is there I'm not afraid of anything I'm just saying you guys have so sort of [ __ ] no no there's no Cahoots
00:09:13
in your own language with your eyes there's no Cahoots there's Cahoots there's no cahoot this is riddled with
00:09:19
Cahoots this podcast right now is riddled with the Coots and I want to get to the bottom of it yeah yeah make sure
00:09:25
yeah that's what I'm saying stop doing that what we cut that out or no we didn't say quite another clip there's no
00:09:31
clips there is no clips okay thank you anyway what I'm saying is we're gonna go get it get it what are you gonna get oh my God no no nothing's happening nothing good something is
00:09:44
happening something is happening here let me ask you something don't have dude major cahoots love the word Cahoots yeah I don't even
00:09:56
know where it came from but I love the workout but there's something going on though there is no Cahoots yeah there is how do you look up Cahoots where does
00:10:02
that come from man I love cahoots In Cahoots colluding or conspiring that's exactly what a good problem let me say something you've always been a colluder dude I've been kahooting my
00:10:15
whole life no it's since 1829 southern western American English of known origin perhaps the French kahoot cabin hoot
00:10:23
cohort oh from some cohort it's just redneck couldn't say cohort down there well you know they out there oh it's cool
00:10:35
anyway I'm not so I'm going to this Darkness Retreat I'm gonna go in January and I can I go with you to New Hampshire you don't know what it is yes I do it's when you spend it's been you spend five days in complete darkness yeah
00:10:48
it's great and when I I talked to a complicated I said I was going to go to a Darkness Retreat because you're going to Baltimore and I go that's racist
00:10:54
[Laughter] but my point is is this I'm gonna I'm gonna do it for five days I think that's gonna be good for you to find myself because um you know I I'm really sensitive
00:11:06
lately are you feeling on edge yeah I've been like you know some weird things online and I read things about myself
00:11:12
and it really bums me out cut it out what stop reading I know it's hard not to it's hard not to but then I um so the other day I was I couldn't sleep because I had read some weird things about
00:11:23
myself online and then I called my girl Melanie and I go get me a Darkness Retreat and so um we booked it cost thousands of dollars but I'm gonna do it how much
00:11:35
it was like a it's like a thousand dollars but then without the plane tickets and all that stuff yeah yeah
00:11:41
it's a whole thing well I'm going on a retreat where I'm going to Bora Bora it's so funny it's going to the Four Seasons no dude that was a Cahoots laugh bro yeah
00:11:51
what is going on he said Bora Bora you laugh that wasn't necessarily that funny I know so what are you laughing about that I already knew the story of there's something going on already right right
00:12:03
he's coming with me to Bora Bora Bora Bora how come I can't go to Borah yeah why me just Carlos and I uh two boras only because I've been yeah look Bora Bora oh Bora Bora all right so
00:12:17
why can't we make it Bora Bora Bora yeah I'm going there I can't wait show them what it looks like over the Huts over the water you know well not that image
00:12:28
give me the [ __ ] hot water image oh my gosh it's beautiful yeah I'm gonna be oh yeah one of those yeah one of those
00:12:34
no way yeah isn't that [ __ ] wild I hope a tsunami happens thank you whoa look at that one with the pool yeah yeah we got one with a pool are you kidding me I'm not cool put me in your
00:12:46
suitcase yeah but imagine getting imagine getting doordash though you can't like how do you get doordash there
00:12:52
no no they do they still have doordash yeah they do really no they come in on little prop planes
00:12:57
[Music] wow I'm going here so I'm going here for my 40th birthday it was my birthday gift
00:13:04
to myself who's going to your wife yeah and Carlos yeah and Carlos my wife and Carlos why because Carl where can I go I gotta take care of the dog he's got to take care of the pup and stuff we need
00:13:15
someone like along for the ride and also you know I can't reach my back with sunscreen sometimes she sleeps in and
00:13:20
Carlos will do that yeah Carlos also said he would cook our meals clip zoom into that red spot that's where Bora
00:13:26
Bora is yeah it's way out holy [ __ ] dude middle of nowhere oh my God oh my God isn't that scary it's so scary what are
00:13:32
these other Islands go down a little bit well it's French Polynesia so it's there's Tahiti and all that stuff is down there oh what's French Polynesia
00:13:38
the French and the Polynesians got together and they decided they'll split it oh really yeah oh I want to go there
00:13:44
the French part is the northern part the gay part and the southern one is Polynesian oh I want to go to South Park
00:13:50
though I'm staying in the north yeah yeah go to the North Park damn well I want to do something
00:13:58
I'm turning 40. it's a big deal this is Happy Birthday are you going in October thank you yeah we are going in October yeah my birthday I always wanted to go
00:14:08
there I've dreamed about going here for years I'm gonna get you something yeah [ __ ] no no this is I'm Different buy
00:14:13
my plane ticket okay got some Korean barbecue did you go to the place I told you to go
00:14:19
couldn't it wasn't didn't take reservations we went to another place where would you go uh
00:14:25
I'll tell you it was [ __ ] phenomenal we went over to uh dado oh dado yeah yeah dado yeah wow great you know what I love about these
00:14:35
[ __ ] Koreans man you know what I [ __ ] love about these here we go dude the way they take pride in cooking this
00:14:42
meat dude that's right and they cook it to Perfect Temperature they don't ever overcook it and he cooked it and he goes
00:14:47
he goes uh how do you want and I said uh uh like medium rare that's okay he goes
00:14:53
anything okay you tell me and I said that's right medium rare then and he goes okay and then
00:15:01
and then they pick it up and they cut it with scissors with literally like shearing scissors which I love and he
00:15:06
goes and then he shows me goes medium rare and I go that's medium rare he goes I know and puts it down that's that I
00:15:11
passed we're the best I kissed his hand he had his hand yeah that's what you just after you put it down I went yeah yeah thank you and he goes okay
00:15:17
really it was so good Korean barbecue is so [ __ ] good and we had those little frittata pizzas with sausage and uh
00:15:25
what's it called with that special sauce oh what is it [ __ ] called God damn it it was so good it's like a
00:15:31
frittata Pizza almost Korean with sauce and sausage on it what man I wish I knew the name of it it looked like a frittata Pizza anyway you
00:15:42
went to [ __ ] Pizzeria Uno no is that where I went yeah I think that's what you were did I go to Pizza Hut yeah yeah
00:15:47
no we don't have that no it was it was really good it was like almost like an egg frittata dish I was in Virginia and
00:15:53
some Korean dude cousin to me goes hey bro you know we have the best Korean food in Virginia maybe because yeah he
00:16:00
goes I'll show you where to go so after the show I was so hungry I go well let's just go he's just an hour I go yep drive
00:16:07
it back he's okay we drive out in the woods whoa I'm not kidding you this could have been
00:16:12
the end of your life yeah anyway Korean food was his dick [Laughter] so we go to this place right and that's like the Korean flag on the [ __ ] in the woods in the woods of Virginia dude
00:16:25
you're like why are there big three big K's above your house what is that no one's in there yeah completely empty
00:16:30
right and it was like like steak and ketchup Mayo I'm not there was no like barely any Korean food on there some rice you
00:16:41
know what I mean he tricked you into going to it was a Korean restaurant but it was like the worst Korean restaurant you've ever been to and you still ate
00:16:47
though I had to yeah there was no other options did you tell them and like the [ __ ] guys were all Mexican it was
00:16:54
[ __ ] crazy Mexicans in Virginia yeah Korean food that's a sitcom it was insane it was insane four Mexicans moved to the woods of Virginia with their Korean friend and they open up a
00:17:04
restaurant yeah right in the heart of the KKK y'all got that Bim Bim Bap in there
00:17:11
y'all better give me some kimchi buddy one of the K stands for Korean Korean Korean Korean Korean that's what they chant yeah no we're we're a totally different agenda now we're just Korean
00:17:23
Korean Korean yeah I've always wondered what does clucks mean Ku Klux yeah but what does it are they
00:17:29
different I think clocks just sounds dope yeah cause the Ku Klux like Ku Klux when just the clocks clocks clocks like chickens they're origin of the name the name is probably formed combining Greek uh kaiklos cloak which means circle with
00:17:42
Clan so Clan's cool clocks I've never heard what's cool but then if Klux means Clan
00:17:48
then it's the KU Klang Clan the KU Klang Clan Aku means like a an upper uh a void and
00:17:56
uh uh oh wait really it's a voice I thought a coup meant like a revolute like a like a Revolt isn't a coup a Revolt I think it's spelled them but yeah it sounds different with a c I think I know but so
00:18:07
is Clan to spell with a [ __ ] C2 not a k okay okay okay relax okay KKK these guys man they just are not good guys huh I don't know
00:18:21
I keep reading about these guys the more I read about them the more I'm like they are not good Fellas these guys are just bad boys their costumes are weird yeah
00:18:28
yeah get better costumes after all this time you think they would get in don't use a torch use your iPhone you know
00:18:34
what I mean at the light the light yeah yeah that's true why can't they do that Jews will not replace it just put your [ __ ] iPhone in there in the sky
00:18:42
you know the burning the cross thing must be a whole [ __ ] just what I mean like
00:18:47
imagine the guy that like that fashion is a really nice cross and just so they can burn it and he's like you know can
00:18:53
you guys keep it around for a couple more days instead of just burning it every [ __ ] time it takes a long time to put that thing together but that's
00:18:59
like their burning man you know that is part of it and some guy lights it early and they're like come on man Matthew
00:19:05
what are you doing man that is pretty [ __ ] ominous there huh it's so dark and disgusting weird
00:19:11
destroying a Christian cross lightings they call it lighting so that they're not burning a Christian
00:19:17
cross But the irony is staggering it's like it looks so anti-jesus it must be extremely Pro Jesus yeah I'm guessing lighting [ __ ] on fire seems Pro seems like the opposite yeah exactly yeah one
00:19:28
go ahead and lit my wife on fire that's insane didn't want to burn her I wanted to show how much I loved her so I uh wife litter
00:19:40
have you been watching the black mirrors yes yeah man I I I watched one and I just the first one yeah the one with the um the one with the Jane is awful or oh yeah yeah Joan is on this off yeah yeah
00:19:52
and it gave me the the heebie-jeebies I like it what do you mean heebie-jeebies I did it gave me a yucky feeling in my
00:19:59
bones that's what it's supposed to do that's what it's supposed to do I know but sometimes then it's like sexy you know like sometimes the black mirrors
00:20:04
are like oh yeah [ __ ] that's so wild what a weird twist this one wasn't as fun of a Twist and that it was just that
00:20:10
the first three were pretty strong did you see the second one and the third one I did but remind me I watched them all but I don't remember well the third one
00:20:16
is those two dudes that are in the space Oh yeah and then they have their like robot or uh don't say anything that's
00:20:23
really good that one's insane it's so dark so dark and uh and I like that actor who plays Jesse on Breaking Bad
00:20:30
Aaron Paul yes here's my prop this is actually my problem with the New Black Mirror is that I recognize too many people in it but they're such great
00:20:36
acting I know but I want I like the old black mirrors because I didn't know anybody I loved that like in even in that first episode it's like jabuki
00:20:43
young white and uh all these people that I've seen before that I'm like yeah oh I
00:20:49
like Black Mirror when it was unknown unknown to me because then it I didn't get to attach a person to a thing now I
00:20:55
see Black Mirror I'm like I know these [ __ ] maybe you're just getting more so much more famous each year that you recognize everybody in television that's
00:21:02
what it is no I think the first season it wasn't that popular it was a new show right and then once something becomes
00:21:09
popular actors now they kind of campaign for that like I want to do that I know but I like it when this if they had the
00:21:15
if they had the balls to be like well we're successful without you we'll just use unknowns like like I begged to get
00:21:21
on galifianakis's show I told them I would pay them to be on that show and they're like we don't use a lot of actors we almost use no actors Martha
00:21:28
Kelly was like the only actor that was on that show on baskets oh yeah they barely would employ actors they wanted
00:21:34
locals from Bakersfield and like people that really hadn't done anything and I was like even in the last season I was
00:21:40
like begging like please make me like a [ __ ] rodeo clown and it wouldn't even look like me and dress me up and and
00:21:46
they so you do that you campaign for yourself like that only a few times I've done this I've only done that I'm starting to do that now things that I
00:21:52
want to do it feels gross though I don't [ __ ] why I don't care to ask to be on something you enjoy oh yeah like that
00:21:57
with stand-up shows but a lot of times the people bookie and don't even know you're interested so yeah they'd like to know in fact there's shows where they go
00:22:03
yeah Bobby's interested your agent calls and goes Bobby would love to be on that and they're like seriously they don't think that you might want to do it
00:22:09
really well because they don't if it's not in their thought process they might not think you'd be interested yeah I've
00:22:15
been doing it I love it I think it's awesome yeah you'd be great on Black Mirror really I think yellow man yellow
00:22:20
mirror yellow mirror this one's oddly dirty laughs yeah hair story oh the other day I took a shower and I did a hair story I
00:22:35
put the stuff on my hair and I used that little Cinder what's it called oh that little hair scrubber the hair scrubber it felt so good guys so good new wash is
00:22:42
a hair story has a thing called new wash yeah it's the first of its kind the custom formula cleans conditions
00:22:47
detangles and restores hair without harsh Foams and damaging detergents found in traditional shampoos new washes like shampoo but it's actually good for your hair I gotta tell you I tried it
00:22:58
for the first time after we did our first read with them yeah and it is awesome it's like your the follicles in
00:23:05
your hair is going thank you well they're tingling they go yay in new washes and not a bunch of harsh nonsense
00:23:12
it's aloe vera sunflower seed oil jojobasito let me guess an evening primzone or oil no no it's evening
00:23:18
primrose oil but it does sound like Prim Zone yeah yeah prim's but evening primrose oils
00:23:23
these ingredients are going to help you balance food strength and nourish and clean your hair versus stripping your hair with traditional shampoo does of uh
00:23:29
of its natural oils you want to keep those natural oils in there baby yeah hair stores are good for your hair and the environment it's 100 biodegradable
00:23:37
and it says 100 recyclable pouch packaging the pouch that it comes in is 100 recyclable which is impressive
00:23:42
because you don't feel bad about more bottles in the ocean they are also part of a one percent for the planet donating
00:23:48
one percent of eight ounce new wash sales to water related issues are you ready to experience your healthiest
00:23:53
happiest hair ever then you go to head to hairstory.com and use the code bad friends to enjoy 20 off exclusive savings when you try new wash for
00:24:00
yourself that's hair story h-a-i-r-s-t-o-r-y.com and code bad friends to save 20 off today your hair will thank you for it
00:24:13
yeah and guess what dude what babe I got you a package from Viator did you seriously yeah you're gonna swim with
00:24:18
the fish I'm gonna swim with the fishes over 300 000 um Pokeball travel experiences and over 190 countries they
00:24:25
offer everything from simple tours to Extreme Adventures all at the niche interesting stuff in between Viator is
00:24:31
the place to go to book memorable travel experiences let me say something I am going on a little vacation and Bobby was
00:24:37
nice enough to hook me up with Viator and they've got me a little fun experience uh that I can do when I'm out
00:24:43
of the country and listen the best part is if you don't want to do something big you don't want to hike a vault you can
00:24:49
do small simple stuff uh you can go look at the Penguins huh that's pretty amazing in certain parts of the world
00:24:55
they have all sorts of little tiny things you can do or big huge fun adventures um it's a website and app where you can book travel experiences and they offer everything from small to big 300 000
00:25:06
bookable experiences their experiences have millions of real travel review you can check it out for yourself you have
00:25:11
the information you need to book the best activities for your trip how do they get it Bob whoa God telling me tell
00:25:17
you my friend download the Viator app now and use code viator10 for 10 off your first booking one app over 300 000 experiences you'll remember do more with
00:25:27
Viator show Bob show Bob that thing I sent you this is insane look at this is what
00:25:33
Society is today this is Black Mirror in real life and everyone here [Music] this guy's giving consent to these women to Rack him in the parking lot oh my God
00:25:49
and she makes him Bow Down also look at the [ __ ] on this girl nice Jesus Christ this poor guy is saying yes to this
00:26:01
stuff sure sure that's not very confident sure yeah yeah look at this this guy's in he they're in a parking lot he's in like a JCPenney parking lot getting [ __ ]
00:26:13
racked in the dick at 9pm you think he's wearing a cup no listen you can hear it listen listen to this next one
00:26:20
there's no way this has got to be what he gets off to huh this is his thing listen to this listen to this
00:26:28
oh God oh you know what I would do and then they push him down if that was that guy
00:26:34
you know what I do okay now it's my turn kicks oh [ __ ] I guess board shorts might be a good choice because you could have a little bit of room oh my god there she goes doing it again this is weird I think
00:26:55
it'd be funnier if they're wearing like business suits anyway I tried to find these girls because I
00:27:00
was like I'm you know oh yeah I'm interested I couldn't get a hold of anybody Bobby and I will do it
00:27:06
I don't I dude the idea that people can get this is how sad people's lives are he loves it that guy that's a Saturday
00:27:12
night yeah man that wasn't his calendar can you imagine he's texting his buddies what are you guys doing tonight we're
00:27:17
gonna go out to the bar and uh do you want to come along he's like no man I have Saturday night double date yeah
00:27:23
yeah two girls it used to be funny when people got hit in the nut yeah now it's sad it's so sad what's happening but
00:27:31
that guy is sexually gratified from it I think he's the sexual thing he walks away from it he's smiling yeah happy but
00:27:38
I don't know he doesn't get off to it no Carlos does yeah Carlos watches this yeah I know I sent this to Carlos he goes I've seen it I've seen it seen it had my way with it my guess is that he
00:27:49
jerks off to it later that's what my guess is yeah like they videotape it they send him the videotape yeah he jokes off to it yeah yeah there's gonna
00:27:55
be some sort of sexual isn't that dominatrix yeah kind of I don't know but dominatrix is not usually just cracking
00:28:01
you in the nuts I don't that's how I've been doing it well keep getting paid a little bit can you cheat huh Can you
00:28:07
cheat can you cheat yeah what do you mean put a nut Cup in no because but then they would hear it and they'd be they'd bully you to take it out I have hollow nuts that's why it sounds like
00:28:17
that I guess you know I guess you know what yeah there's no it's just you know a sack there's nothing in there that's
00:28:23
why it makes that noise imagine if he was trans and he was like good kick me in the nuts and they go to kick him in the nuts and he's like yeah
00:28:31
a little bit yeah let me ask you something not like it does when you have a house so if we get hit in the nuts
00:28:37
right and you get hit in the vagina kicked in the vagina is yours painful no yeah but it's not what we experience I
00:28:44
doubt it how do you know what it feels like you don't have nuts I've also never been kicked in the vagina but get over here
00:28:51
but just getting kicked in general is like it hurts so it probably hurt on your but already right right might you
00:28:58
don't know you know what my testicles feel like right now by watching that you don't know me like can't you visualize
00:29:03
what that feels I feel it I feel it it's like when I get to the edge of a tall building and I look over and my nuts kind of go up a little bit they like
00:29:09
could they crawl up into my cat yeah because they're nervous they're nervous they get scared they Retreat a little
00:29:16
bit you know what I'm talking about when your nuts Retreat just a little bit like when it gets cold same thing they go up no way and they Retreat just a little
00:29:21
bit yeah what they sound like yeah no way well my right one goes no way my loved one's like oh
00:29:27
no way is your right not lower or you're left not lower I think they're even we talked about
00:29:33
that before they're completely even I'm Asian everything's like you know it's science-based everything's Baseline yeah
00:29:38
everything's just like perfect you know wow yeah yeah well yours is huh one's lower than yeah one is lower for sure
00:29:44
why well God made it that way oh yeah well you know when you're you know when you're lacing up your shoes and you're
00:29:50
trying to get both laces the equal length yeah that's kind of what happened with god with nuts he was like ah [ __ ] it whatever and then you put it out let
00:29:55
me ask you something but both nuts right has the sperm in it yeah so no no it creates they make sperm it's
00:30:02
not just sitting there filled with sperm I know but they're but the two nuts are they like it's my turn
00:30:08
they do it together they're a team oh they are I don't know it's like you and me oh really yeah but don't you think if
00:30:13
you were a sack I was a sack and I'd be like I'd have a mouth look this right and I
00:30:20
go you know okay it's well he's just last time you came I'm gonna come this time no no I want to yeah but you didn't
00:30:27
left there with that one girl all right all right oh my God nothing came out okay do you do it
00:30:40
oh wow wow also usually they work in tandem they work together as a team I didn't know
00:30:46
you and I are perfect nutsack by the way that whole analogy two peas in a pot it should be two nuts and a sack yeah yeah you've got to make that try you and I
00:30:52
are two nuts in a sack right now who's hanging lower you are because I'm just a little taller yeah yeah you are for sure but I do
00:30:59
crawl up to see you and I know right back right nuts though I think we would like have a movie night 100 yeah I'd come up and hang with you yeah yeah do you have any
00:31:13
friends that have their testicle removed from cancer I've had three friends of mine get one nut removed and then only one of them put in a supplemental ball
00:31:20
whoa what do you use a marble huh you could could I use a marble a big marble you could hypothetically put in
00:31:27
whatever you want that's what I'm saying I don't know if they would do it maybe if you got enough you know you have enough cash yeah oh you know what you
00:31:33
know what I would use what would you supplement a ping pong ball perfect oh that's fine light yeah but it still has the girth
00:31:40
I'd want a Faberge Egg whoa those are hard to find yeah babe they're huge also at night at night after I'm done [ __ ] I would shine my phone light on the
00:31:51
other side of my sack and you could see my nut glow you know right you get a show I would you know I put my balls and
00:31:57
then turn off the lights and then you'd see like a kaleidoscope show on the wall oh wow I know what I would do yeah what
00:32:02
would you do I would I would get my nut from a dead person whoa who dead nut oh which I would get like a white dude's
00:32:08
nut okay imagine then George Washington then my babies come out white smart all right one black a one white guy smart right and I get a Barack Obama
00:32:21
Tony there Tony Bennett just died you could have his oh yeah real old real old yeah yeah but a good but musically incline nut yeah because you already are musically talented so good you got Tony
00:32:32
Bennett's nut yeah by the way rest in peace TB one of the greatest of all times sad what would you replace your
00:32:37
veg with my my badge yeah that would have to be one of your tits it'd be one of your if one of your tits had to go
00:32:43
what would you what would you supplement one of your tits with can't be a fake tit too obvious oh okay oh yeah it's got
00:32:48
to be something like uh I think I'd probably be something like a saucer ice cream frozen yogurt
00:32:56
Froyo what flavor um I think I want to do so it's sagging in the summer Yeah well yeah the summer
00:33:02
is just like not but in the winter though if you're in Canada oh my God it's hard as a rock it also stinks in the summer yeah yeah whoa It's like hot
00:33:09
yogurt but it happens but in the winter and I think I'd make it refillable so like in the winter I could do like
00:33:15
pumpkin spice oh wow dude that is an invention for for t for milk on a tits they should make it so you could stab tits and and fuse flavor kind of like at a coffee shop when
00:33:27
you're like the baby was so happy a little bit of caramel in there yeah yeah the baby like chai
00:33:32
right you have a chocolate Chino that'd be cool they would want it they would love it that's so interesting a chaga Chino by the way I tasted for the first time the other day what's a chocolate chip yeah mushroom it's
00:33:46
mushroom yeah it's a new well it's not new but I mean it's new to me but I [ __ ] hated it right I thought I
00:33:55
would maybe like it I was like this might be good it sounded good did he just fall
00:34:03
Air One how much was that 45 something like that yeah so expensive and it's supposed to
00:34:09
taste like beef jerky it does not not at all yeah not even a little bit Yeah it tastes it doesn't taste well there's
00:34:15
some guy there's some [ __ ] I saw on Tick Tock some little [ __ ] he's going up to people pretending like he's
00:34:21
serving food and it's outside of a vegan place and it's meat he's and he's trying
00:34:26
to trick people into [ __ ] giving them you know not even the meat and they got what an [ __ ] he's a piece of [ __ ] but the worst part was the reactions are are
00:34:33
like built for the internet like the one guy's like barely speaks English and he's like I go to college
00:34:38
and he's like call the police and it's like I'm laughing but it's awful yeah that he just fed him [ __ ]
00:34:46
meat out front of a vegan roast that's terrible it's terrible drinks what I don't like pranks I hate pranks pranks no not a big I don't like pranks or
00:34:52
somebody's at Home Depot and some guy's like doing a [ __ ] prank like putting putting something on somebody's head or they throw stuff at people I hate it
00:34:58
yeah yeah the only pranks that I actually do like are like they leave a there's one where a guy will put a bike he'll leave a bike like in a park to be stolen and he'll put it on a long chain
00:35:10
and then when the guy goes to steal it and ride away with it it Yanks the chain they go flying those are fun I wish I
00:35:16
want to prank you man what would you do maybe I I you're to your wife I go I'm gonna um what's the matter no something happened to your eyes huh you had a loss of energy in your eyes no I'm listening
00:35:29
I'm listening to you tell the story he turned white yeah how are you pranking me I I say what's your dog's name
00:35:35
cubby copy so I'm gonna get like you know I mean a lot of meat right and like the carcass of I think I know cubby right I still don't
00:35:47
know where it's going yeah yeah yeah yeah so like I want to get a replica of Cubby's carcass yeah yeah right yeah and
00:35:55
you just gonna come in from the road or whatever yeah I'm gonna be eating steak I go thanks man delicious cubby
00:36:11
is my best friend is eating my dog Korean friend each best friend yeah yeah I mean I think it's believable yeah it is right I think the internet will
00:36:23
buy everyone I put blood on my face yeah I mean it'll be a mess I'll get a key to clean up crew yeah would that make you
00:36:30
mad if it's good does it how does it taste delicious you seasoned it why would it like you well give me a piece
00:36:35
[Laughter] how would you prank what do you think um how would I prank you I would probably send you that video that I have in my phone of me and kalilah hooking up
00:36:47
that'd be a funny [Applause] it's a good one we're 69ing actually yeah that's the best part I said we can't kiss Bobby will be mad if we kiss so we kissed the trash genitals if you
00:36:59
did if I did walk into my house and I was [ __ ] can you have a [ __ ] back when we were dating I wonder what what I
00:37:04
would do and you're like [Laughter] I think I just I don't hold on I I don't think I would end bad friends
00:37:20
so well but you know what of all the people on this show yeah that would betray your
00:37:25
trust and sleep with kalilah I know already know you know who it is yeah you know who it is go ahead and say it
00:37:32
I'm gonna be real yeah I'm gonna go with Pete Pete that's what I was thinking Pete would do it look at him because
00:37:38
he's so [ __ ] phony innocent and nice oh no that's not Pete why why is it me oh what kalila's ugly you don't think you'd sleep with her because she's gross to you why if I have kids you never said he wouldn't do it you see yeah you never
00:37:50
said no yet okay no I don't know if I believe him honestly I just don't know I I think it would be like who would break your heart the most if they did it if you in all of life in
00:38:01
our crew and our crew and our crew our bad French crew if you walked in on one of them the most confusing one would be
00:38:07
Andreas it would it would I would ponder it for like a year like how the [ __ ] did that
00:38:14
happen and which one would hurt your feelings the most in real life yes you and then which one
00:38:19
would make you the most angry not confused confused would be fancy I would be hurt you that would piss you off yeah
00:38:26
not McCone he wants you to well I would no because at that point I know how to destroy him right oh I will destroy he's not gonna have a few what about George
00:38:37
can you imagine how sick you'd be you'd be sick for months [Laughter] suicide unbelievable suicide because you know at that point life wouldn't make no sense yeah it'd be
00:38:52
over I'd be like I don't know what life's about it's so confusing it's it's talk about yellow mirror that's your
00:38:58
yellow beer that's a yellow mirror episode if you walked in on Carlos hooking up with her like we had we actually ran him
00:39:04
through that case already on this show well if he was doing missionary I would pull my pants down and [ __ ] him in the ass
00:39:10
that'll be fun dude yeah he would love it then then it's like no lessons are learned yeah no lessons but George would
00:39:15
suicide would you kill yourself it was George George and my wife yeah I I not only no I can't well I'd kill everybody
00:39:22
I mean I'd go on it oh yeah yeah run around West Hollywood I just the world would be over it would be over they'd be one of those guys where they just like kill as many people
00:39:33
as I could yeah yeah yeah yeah that's insane ruin me but here's somebody that I wouldn't even be mad at all I would
00:39:39
giggle if it was Jesse yeah yeah that was wouldn't bother me yeah I'd be like no finish finish yeah yeah if I caught
00:39:47
you sleeping with my wife I go ah [ __ ] what are you gonna do yeah it would be a discussion you know why because you're so nice and sweet so
00:39:53
sweet and clean no I treat her right yeah you treat her right so it's like almost like what did I lose here you know what I mean how nice was I to you
00:39:59
the other night you've been so nice at the story you seem like you're in a great mood I don't feel like you're taking it I feel like it seems genuine
00:40:06
are you being real you are a great actor but are you being real I'm being 100 I sat with you for like 30 minutes that's
00:40:12
what she's saying yeah yeah it was my last day working as a door guy and we were in the back video bar like the
00:40:17
secret room Bobby came in there it was so fun I wish I stayed to see that yeah I took off after my set so I was sad
00:40:24
that I couldn't come back there it's okay you're no longer a door guy let's give it up for no longer a door guy
00:40:29
let me tell you something the display there's a one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture unique passions displayed created a 21st century canvas
00:40:35
that's sturdy magnet mounted and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of immense staring this thing is incredible
00:40:42
we love these things we have bad Friends disc plates on the website uh you can customize collect and rearrange them at
00:40:47
well now they want to see if maybe we'll give a higher discount uh because bad friends fans are so loyal if you want a higher discount Bob why don't you uh why don't you read off uh this middle ad and
00:40:59
let's see if we can uh we can Cruise what am I trying to do here bud introduce the displates uh their
00:41:04
magnetic mounting system all right ready I got it if it's smooth I think we'll still have a better discount ready let's
00:41:10
do it introducing displaced ingenious magnet mounting system an unequivocal Testament to the harmonious algomation amalgation amalgamation amalgamation
00:41:22
look can I have with it again yeah amalgamation already let me have it again yeah let's see you
00:41:28
do it again Bob okay here we go yeah introducing displays ingenious Magnum mountains slow down now the pressure it's like slow down introducing disc plates ingenious magnet mounting system
00:41:41
in an unequivocal Testament to the harmonious amalgamation of convenience and security liberating you from the cumbersome task of wall drilling this remarkable solution boasts unparalleled
00:41:53
Simplicity requiring a mere 20 seconds to accomplish it's that easy it is that easy and that's Bobby Lee shoving it
00:42:00
down the throats of those people that say he can't get through that displayed ad yes he can I can do it I just
00:42:07
displayed it eco-friendly for every design sold they're planting one tree I gotta tell you these things are great so
00:42:12
because of that use the link in the description or go to display.com bad friends and use the code bad friends at
00:42:17
the checkout to get 23 off for one to two disc plates or 34 off for three or more disciplates it's displace.com bad
00:42:24
friends code bad friends display collect your passions coming school is back baby oh it's good for doordash it's very good for door day
00:42:35
yeah want a quick back to school tip you can cross everything off your list before
00:42:40
the big day with doordash stock up on supplies and lunchtime snacks all in one place that's the best part people don't
00:42:47
really know we've been using doordash for so long we love it so much doordash is incredible I like when I'm chilling at home and want something delivered but
00:42:52
now all of your favorite retail Grocery and convenience stores are on the app so you can shop everything your kids need
00:42:59
for back to school like pencils and notebooks and erasers and you do love glue a little bit too much be prepared before the big day arrives stock up with on-the-go breakfast
00:43:15
lunchbox Staples and the brands they love you know when I go on the road I only use doordash you use it here too
00:43:21
hey I love it I love it so much with doordash you'll enjoy Next Level convenience with delivery in the hour that's so fast they're making it easier
00:43:27
than ever to get your back to school needs fast so shop door Dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your
00:43:34
door order now to stress-free back to school shopping use promo code BF 2023 to get 50 off up to ten dollar value when you spend 15 or more at convenience
00:43:46
grocery or detail retail stores on doordash that's 50 off up to a ten dollar value when you spend 15 or more
00:43:52
promo code BF 2023 bf2023 don't forget that's code bf2023 for 50 off your next order terms apply how do you feel now that you're free I feel pretty weird why well
00:44:07
I feel good you're gonna miss that 80 bucks a month it's I never worked there for the money no I know that I know but
00:44:13
you know I've I've kind of gotten it's like a school and I've gotten everything I could get like you guys have kind of
00:44:19
helped build my career and I would have never met you if I didn't work what was great was I saw a lot of people that
00:44:25
worked there that wasn't even their shift coming to the store and coming to say goodbye to you that's what that this
00:44:31
is I'm gonna be a little sappy but this is what's so important about the world of The Comedy Store to me not only is it
00:44:38
our home where we most of us started it's where I started you started in The Comedy Store family
00:44:43
and what is Meaningful to me and the thing I hope never gets lost generationally is like it is a [ __ ]
00:44:50
community and it is so cool to see people supporting each other because in a lot of the chaos of comedy and competition it's hard sometimes people
00:44:57
get inundated with why did they get that why don't I get that but what's beautiful is when you do create a space
00:45:02
where people support each other's growth in hopes that you too will get that opportunity all you're doing is creating
00:45:09
a great place to want to like be and come together and create something pretty [ __ ] magical and I hope that
00:45:16
never dies because I think that is such a cool thing for people to celebrate your graduation from something I it's
00:45:23
the best I've ever felt walking away from something because I am I'll still welcome there of course especially like
00:45:29
I just moved into I'm just in development now there but it it felt really like like a closure thing so
00:45:35
write a passage yeah write a passage felt like graduating a school that you really enjoyed going to I think it's so
00:45:41
special I know great sappy stupid but it's like it Jeff when I see stuff like that even like the names that just got
00:45:47
painted too yeah people were posting names like Laura Peak and it's like it's a cool thing I like that that's a system
00:45:53
that still is in existence I know a lot of people don't like the system I like the what the reason what's going on I'm
00:46:01
sorry wow let me see it again yeah I thought you're gonna say walrus walrus no listen
00:46:07
um I like that it's difficult to get into that room same should be yeah a little a little bit thing to work yeah I
00:46:14
love how difficult it is yeah yeah it's so hard it felt great and now I think it's also good for me to leave not just
00:46:20
because I need to start headlining and really becoming a full-time stand-up comedian but me leaving also gives more
00:46:27
opportunity that's right because people will come through and say what door guys are good to take on the road and I feel like you know I've I need to now you
00:46:34
know I I know and people could ask me and it just gives this new class of door guys how'd you sell in Bakersfield
00:46:40
Bakersfield and what else sold out you did yeah sold out completely sold out it was crazy how crazy is that that's
00:46:46
insane huge meet in Great Line no bad friends like whoa and Bobby we get 20. it gets ten you guys get 20. yeah I cut out my feature act Joel Jimenez came
00:47:00
with me I love Joe Menace you have your own features now well when I I can go into do my first weekend this will be
00:47:07
after it'll air after but it's my first weekend alone I can't bring everybody wow uh first night in Salt Lake City on
00:47:13
Thursday and then Wise Guys yeah in Vegas and just both Wise Guys Vegas and Salt
00:47:18
Lake and then our Vegas might happen oh yeah we got it yeah we're working yeah we got it I know I'm excited we might do
00:47:24
it guys listen we might do how many shows eight a year something like that yeah well they're working it out working
00:47:29
out in Vegas you want to do them bring me please I just quit my job yeah you know what
00:47:35
you know what's uh so that'll be so fun I'm gonna be so sentimental go I just think it's incredible that this is uh that this world is uh I'm so happy that you sold out when I
00:47:47
saw that online I was like man that's [ __ ] I texted you yeah I know I was like I'm it makes me feel good to see
00:47:54
you Cruise just cruising man yeah I mean we're cruising you guys posting it helped a lot but Irvine was close too in Irvine was twice as big so it's like
00:48:05
huge [ __ ] unbelievable unbelievable it's exciting um if you guys have any tips about when
00:48:10
I get set up with local openers well anyway man [ __ ] no haven't we done enough enough Jesus oh no no no no whatever you just said no
00:48:22
okay yeah we're not doing that the days of local openers by the way there's someone there's some that I meet that I man I'm still friends with today that
00:48:29
there's guys that I've come across and then there's O'Connell well Chris yeah became one of my best friends but but
00:48:34
before that years and years and years ago when I was chewing on the road and I was alone and lonely and I met a couple
00:48:39
of really good people it is it is so cool when you meet cool people on the road I love that I didn't know you met O'Connor on the road like that yeah man we met in Indianapolis that makes me feel and if police officer threw up in
00:48:50
my Uber a cop threw up in my Uber you hear what I just said you were driving Uber
00:48:56
we went out that night we took an Uber we went out with like a local Indiana State Trooper who was friends with
00:49:01
another one of O'Connor's Buddies and this off-duty cop partied so hard he threw up in the Uber
00:49:07
that I took whoa because we shared an Uber and he said he goes can I take it back to the to the hotel I said yeah
00:49:14
just I'll just add the Stop and you can just take my Uber then the next morning I wake up with like a 750 charge on my [ __ ] Uber
00:49:20
account and I was like what the [ __ ] where did this guy go do you drive to Chicago and then I go on my thing and it
00:49:25
says they don't even say throw up they say like uh uh damn internal damage to the vehicle or something so you don't
00:49:31
the other hole other end no I asked okay I texted and I was like hey man did you guys [ __ ] what'd you
00:49:38
guys do in the back of that car and he goes oh dude I'll venmo you I'm so sorry how much he's like the entire backseat
00:49:43
was coded in throw up yeah I wish I with you man I know I mean why is it when I get drunk it doesn't we don't have that thing because yours is toxic and you get poop all over the place I know but my
00:49:54
point is is that well that's enough you guys always follow me around to see if I'm gonna be okay or whatever yeah because you're insane
00:50:00
because when you got drunk in Mexico you were up to absolutely no good why because I asked for a drink at the
00:50:05
[ __ ] restaurant yeah I'm insane no because when you did get drunk you you were close to your room and we couldn't
00:50:11
find you would get a hold of you you turn off your phone you drink by yourself you take pills so you throw up you poop everywhere and then you wake up
00:50:18
at 5 PM the next day and I'd rather you wake up at 5 PM the next day without booze and Drugs in your body rock on
00:50:23
dude no no no Rock off Rock off Rock off no no no rock and sit Rock and sit yeah
00:50:29
I don't know how to do it like that you just don't have that that trigger yeah you don't know how to [ __ ] turn one
00:50:35
of the machines off when the other machine goes on you know who else is like that Carlos yeah you are I know
00:50:41
dude it's helped me get so like really stay in watching you on the bus watching you I go oh yeah that's why I don't
00:50:46
drink that one night McCone showed me the video footage of us in Nashville when he was rolling around on the floor of the bus
00:50:52
it was insane it's insane I was under tremendous stress you were rubbing your back on the floor of the bus laughing
00:50:58
like you were itching like a bear I'm not gonna repeat what you would say I'll say some of it no you would say things I'm like oh [ __ ] that's the most racist thing I've ever 100 it was no
00:51:10
comedy or nothing whatever the word I feel comfortable with my friends I that's really and I
00:51:16
think I was under a lot of stress so at the beginning of the tour yeah more than usual victims [Laughter]
00:51:23
I'm not playing the victim I'm saying I had fun with my friends are you an alcoholic let me ask I I think I'm yes
00:51:32
that I'm very much like an addict right yeah I don't think you're an alcoholic I think you're an addict across the board
00:51:38
because I don't think you need alcohol to function every day but I do think that you will take anything and any
00:51:44
opportunity to get [ __ ] up yeah to like do we need to intervene not yet when not yet he said I've tried well you
00:51:52
just yell it's time yeah well it that's that's I mean that's how I do it it's time it's out of control I was under
00:51:59
stress on tour you know what happened to me do you think if we try to actually get you real help you would want to go
00:52:04
no okay he's not ready I can tell yeah because you got to want to do it how do you get there
00:52:11
I don't know yeah but like I said what what got you there when you when I first met you you were sober yeah yeah what
00:52:17
happened before that to get you there oh gosh as I I went to rehab and I relapsed after and I was like I can't I I was too
00:52:24
young it was like destroying my life when I met you you were using again no I was sober no you were sober when we
00:52:29
first met yes exactly and then you started using pretty quickly yeah yeah yeah and it's been a long time yeah
00:52:36
after divorce and all that I was like [ __ ] it well divorce is Gonna Make You relapse yeah I imagine going through a
00:52:42
divorce makes you relapse I think me and Cole's breakup was yeah tough I think that was really hard for you yeah yeah
00:52:48
that was tough your dad died that was a big one yeah yeah I wanted I want to talk to you guys about the racial inequality of sleep finally black
00:52:54
Americans aren't sleeping as well as whites and here's and here's why that's a public health problem and what what can be done to fix it to the Atlantic
00:53:01
this is where we are now in society that we're blaming racial inequality I'm not getting good so if you didn't get good sleep everybody I know I haven't slept
00:53:08
in [ __ ] years I can't sleep at all I've been having a hard time I can't sleep either I can't sleep at all you
00:53:14
know when you meet someone that can sleep well you're almost suspect to them when they're like oh dude I'm getting [ __ ] great sleep and you're like what's going on you have no nothing
00:53:20
going on you how could you get really good you know we get to go sleep at night Pete yeah he gets good sleeps I
00:53:27
think Andreas does too no Andres definitely doesn't he doesn't when we met him he had a full head of hair oh that's right [ __ ] he doesn't sleep at
00:53:33
all and now he's got a baby he's definitely not sleeping Pete when he has his kids he doesn't [ __ ] pay attention his beautiful wife does all
00:53:39
that [ __ ] that's right sleep through the cries you know let the wife take care of it how responsible of a father are you
00:53:44
Pete how involved are you truly honestly yeah it is Sunday not a lot not a lot yeah it's Sunday he's out [ __ ] I'm here was your when your wife when your wife would um pump would you like would
00:53:57
you help organize that for her and like you know rub her feet while she was pumping so it made the day easier or
00:54:04
cooked her the meal nothing did you ever clean while she was taking care of the kids no nothing let me ask you something
00:54:11
when it's good night time what time is nighttime well one time's the sleepy time I usually go to bed around 11. okay
00:54:16
so when it's sleepy time yeah you take a shower first no I'm a morning shower okay good so you
00:54:22
you lay in bed you say good night sweetie Now give me give me the win how long does it take from good night
00:54:28
sweetie to you going to bed physically sleeping he sang like an hour it takes an hour because I usually go on my phone
00:54:34
I stay awake right but that's actually good yeah when I lay in bed it's a four hour drama at least yeah yeah it's a
00:54:42
flight it's a flight to New York it's a flight to New York yeah that's how I feel yeah there's like a lot of suffering going on sleeping is like it
00:54:50
is when I think about trying to get to sleep at night I think this is a journey it I'm doing Ayahuasca
00:54:56
almost every night in bed trying to get to sleep it's [ __ ] impossible yeah but in the middle of the day now I'm
00:55:03
able to take a nap once in a while which I never used to be able to do yeah I've been taking nappy now but now I'll play with the dog on the couch until I take a
00:55:09
little nappy poo and that's supplemented my lack of sleep but I can't do it do you eat in bed how many people say do I
00:55:16
yeah you know me so well yeah I don't eat in bed I don't even eat in my car yeah yeah [ __ ] do you eat in your car
00:55:22
Carlos you eating your car my car Pete you do I never eat my car yeah I can't eat in the car no I I want I want to eat
00:55:28
when I get to a location where I can eat have you eaten anything a sandwich in bed well my last place I did for sure
00:55:33
because I didn't like the common areas yeah she had that you had to yeah that was her place she lived in the bed yeah
00:55:40
wait all meals in the bed but but now would you eat in your bed now in your new place a snack I'll eat a string
00:55:46
cheese on the bed no no no no that's not you yeah I'm talking about something that's called chicken okay thank God
00:55:51
would you eat how about this let's go through would you eat like if you had a couple slices of pizza would you sit in bed and eat those no no
00:55:57
so that's because spill Factor grease Factor oh God no pizza no Carlos 100 Wood oh look at his smile 100 in my car I would for sure no not in bed what's
00:56:08
your limit of eating in bed what would you eat in bed that that you'd know that I would be like that's insane you wouldn't like that
00:56:14
I've eaten cereal in bed that's oh that's so shut up why are you eating yeah why are you real like oat milk
00:56:20
dripping oh that's disgusting he's the kind of guy that brings the oat milk with into the room and pours it in a hundred percent and you know what he does by the way yeah when he's done
00:56:31
eating the cereal he I do eat in bed by the way what do you eat [ __ ] baby what's up
00:56:39
when you eat the cereal I know Carlos he'll eat it right and then the little bit of milk that's left over at the
00:56:45
bottom he'll put it on his bedside table and it'll it'll stay there for weeks and weeks he doesn't take that bowl back to
00:56:50
the kitchen I do I take the bowl back at night like at 11 o'clock or something no you don't the next day the next day the
00:56:57
next morning I've done the next morning before Oh do you have a washer and dryer in your unit yeah that's why he can do
00:57:03
stuff like that what do you mean because it's no consequence yeah some oat milk and just put some in the thing you don't
00:57:08
gotta get quarters you've got to go to a washer dry you've got to go to a location yeah skin but is your laundromat inside your
00:57:14
apartment complex it is well yeah it's broken right now but you've got to walk somewhere or drive I'll drive oh man and
00:57:21
you got to get the quarters ready which is a whole thing do you remember when we used to have to do that are you kidding me I thought about it the other that's
00:57:26
so [ __ ] funny I literally thought about that the other day we were driving Pat in Santa Monica and there was a huge laundromat and it was midnight we were
00:57:32
coming home from a restaurant and it was packed with people packed with people three nights ago and I thought
00:57:37
man I remember that me too doing my laundry at one in the morning sometimes between you know like that was the only
00:57:42
time it was like freed up enough and I had space and I wasn't working yeah hey can I come to your house to do laundry no no no no that's insane it's insane
00:57:50
why would we let you do that I don't know you care about me I think we've done a lot not enough but wait a minute
00:57:58
oh whoa I want to go to Vegas no more no more that's insane that's insane what you just I gotta tell what is this oh oh another video sent me let me see
00:58:10
okay big screen we're trying to figure out what to name their baby girl he said let's name her
00:58:23
this is for you Bob restaurant the wife was like pause it pause it can you guess
00:58:29
come on it's for you really yeah it's just for you okay I wanna I wanna can I because I'm not good at riddles
00:58:36
it's like a Golem riddle look at the name L.A you see it do you see it well let me
00:58:42
know let me get oh I see it it's for you Bob Lane's raw no come on baby I don't know all right play it but it
00:58:57
was his favorite soccer team Arsenal ah backwards Arsenal backwards as lenestra whoa that's what you should name your first one or or what's gooner backwards
00:59:09
Noob yeah much cooner put a type in the word gooner let me see what that looks like backwards this guy loved Arsenal so
00:59:16
much he named his daughter lenestra well my favorite rugby team is coog so your son's name is gonna be renug [Music]
00:59:33
renug is an awesome name yeah renugly renugly yeah I'm gonna do that sounds like the Jungle Book Urban Dictionary it's a different definition a gooner a man who
00:59:45
watches porn typically gay all day long and strokes for hours while edging non-stop that's what it says though
00:59:51
that's what it says the last part's like crazy uh and becomes [ __ ] in the process are you being real that's I'm a gooter now you're a big perfect
01:00:02
that's perfect speaking of what you know a [ __ ] Real Madrid is here right now I know this episode will be out but Real Madrid is here Arsenal is playing in two nights with Barcelona I think I'm gonna
01:00:13
go I you said that you could get me I'm gonna go we're gonna take you Arsenal are they with CAA is that what you're
01:00:18
looking they might have some players with CAA sports that's why your reps could that's why you could have been an agent by the way just because I know
01:00:25
that I was in the mail room at William I know you were you could have been an agent you could have been a great agent yeah because you kind of have agent look
01:00:31
really yeah especially when you wear the like the gold chain and the suit jacket but with your hair with your hair the
01:00:36
way it is like balding with a ponytail is like an eight an old agent yeah although you can also withstand Insanity
01:00:43
yeah watch do it to him Bob give it to him because I used to do things in the [ __ ] boss oh yeah and I could see you
01:00:49
absorb Insanity I love Insanity yeah and he's good at like and you go Bobby you know what I mean okay I'll do it yeah he would he would yeah you're like one of those guys you don't fight back
01:01:00
yeah that's agent [ __ ] but in I Insanity gives me like fuel like it's like a it's like a fun job like who would be on your
01:01:06
Client List right now right now yeah come on name some people I would have tried to grab you all you
01:01:13
can't have us yeah right now I would probably go poach people during the strike well I'll tell you who's
01:01:19
available Army Hammer I would immediately sign him you would sign him yeah and I would try and get
01:01:24
him like a Netflix deal in Yugoslavia or something whoa he's good he's good they
01:01:30
don't care about like uh me too [ __ ] out there so yeah they'll just take them right they would take him Yugoslavia
01:01:35
they would take him yeah who else would you sign um Danny Masterson from jail we could do a podcast podcast look see this guy is That's So you're
01:01:46
thinking this he's moving and shaking this guy is always moving and shaking I'll take all the canceled people Cosby
01:01:56
that tour is never gonna happen look up Bill Cosby on tour there's no yeah that's not gonna happen because you're not repping them yeah we would make yeah
01:02:03
we would send them to like South America and Asia you know who's opening for Bill Cosby who whoever he makes all right
01:02:09
we'll be right back all right all right plans to tour in 2023 yes an old art it's not gonna
01:02:14
happen that's what I mean yeah [ __ ] loser that guy sucks he sucks [ __ ] you think he'll sell take a piece of
01:02:20
[ __ ] yeah of course he'll sell [ __ ] tickets so many people will go to see him no no it's not even that they they they
01:02:26
want us it's like the way I saw an accident yesterday and I stopped like a [ __ ] to look at it you just people want
01:02:32
to see chaos if I if I asked if I said I got tickets front row to a cosmic show and backstage would you go I would immediately call a hair and makeup person to get us in in disguises right
01:02:44
what would you look like huh who would you look like who would I dress up as yeah Steve Harvey
01:02:49
my hero yeah yeah I love Steve Harvey I would do Bernie Bernie Mac yeah yeah and I would be like a skeleton because I'm like you know I'm dead
01:03:02
skeleton mummy kind of vibe yeah yeah oh my God what did I see look at look up um 105 year old Mexican grandmother this woman they gave her like a cake it was online there was
01:03:15
a woman in bed on tick tock it was 105 and I was like she's not dead huh she's not dead oh that's the one that woman and it's got to be the one 105 yeah that's crazy yeah when you when
01:03:28
you're Mexican and a woman and you look like Voldemort you're dead 105. that's insane wow a
01:03:36
hundred and five yeah she's making the best tamales though she's making the best time Alice oh yeah yeah how could you last that look at that it's always Amazing by the way yeah
01:03:46
119. 119. young young still young yeah Kane Tanaka she's the oldest living person what do you do at 119 for fun I think you get excited look
01:03:59
yeah when you do look what I'm doing you when you with your finger if you're able to look to the left right that's a big
01:04:05
thing that's a huge deal what'd you do today great great great great grandmother I looked and left
01:04:11
she turns her head you just hear like like what do you do do you watch Netflix imagine yeah she's like I just listened to little yachty's new album she knows
01:04:22
everything she's bumping that [ __ ] yeah she likes raisins and praying raisins and gin
01:04:29
soaked raisins and prayer are the things that made her last that long gin soaked raisins and prayer
01:04:37
I can't do that yeah you can't do Jin so yeah I don't know what you do like you know what's going to keep what's gonna
01:04:42
keep you know what keeps people you know what keeps you young your your attitude you know any people I know go your boy
01:04:48
Bobby how old is he and I always say he's 51 and they go shut the [ __ ] up everybody because of your attitude and your approach to life everybody thinks you're 40. yeah it's insane that's the
01:05:00
way to do it your approach yeah your approach your approach to life is always going to
01:05:05
dictate how people receive you yeah look at look at Pete Pete's 19. whoa you look [ __ ] Pete
01:05:13
pretty grizzled yeah yeah yeah whoa and he's never been he looks like he's fought in Wars yeah but he hasn't he's
01:05:19
just that's his chiseled grizzled way yeah when I see women at my age I'm like you can't date I can't do it and it's not because I just can't do it what's what's the oldest woman you would
01:05:32
go on a date with 40. well that's very appropriate the only thing that is appropriate a 40 year
01:05:39
old woman yeah like a divorcee with a couple of kids yeah 40. 40. yeah 40 40 40 I think is I know you won't but
01:05:47
I think that's commendable I gotta say this this episode has been great without fancy and I'm happy he's not here
01:05:55
I thought I was gonna miss him did miss him even a little bit didn't miss him even fancy that's what I'm saying yeah
01:06:01
we miss him podcast yeah you did his podcast which you know everyone's done it except for me you gotta do it no everybody says you gotta do it I had fun
01:06:12
be the rebel don't does it pay no yeah well then why am I doing this that's what Hanks asked me does it pay Chad
01:06:19
Hanks asked for for yeah to be on fancy show that's very funny well I mean after
01:06:25
I can't believe he'd want to do anything after being on that Eric Andre show do you see that what Eric Andre did to him no my God you shouldn't you need to
01:06:31
watch that it's [ __ ] amazing what is it the Eric Andre show he you know what it is yeah yeah he [ __ ] with Chet Hanks the whole time bring it you'll see it's
01:06:38
I mean it's great dude is it new season yeah oh yeah this past year season it's great dude it's just absolute Brilliance that guy show I wish
01:06:49
I had a show like that that's so fun if we did a bad friend show we just like [ __ ] with guests so fun but did is
01:06:57
that he he signed up to do that Disney they all do they all do everyone that comes
01:07:03
on that they know it's chaos I mean if you've watched it once yeah yeah would you do it as a guest he would never ask
01:07:10
me to be a guy I don't think he would ask me either well we're friends it'd be weird he wouldn't yeah he wants people that he like kind of doesn't know right
01:07:17
because then it's like you're allowed to get you can do whatever you don't want to do that to your buddy it'd be weird we feel so all because I remember seeing
01:07:23
that was the first time I've ever seen it really yeah oh it's such a good show funny it's such a good job there's so
01:07:28
much good [ __ ] really like so much I want to watch it oh I haven't seen in a long time I saw it when Hannibal
01:07:35
s yeah now Felipe is uh that's awesome Felipe is his like sidekicker that's correct Hannibal burst used to be like
01:07:40
the sidekick on the show oh really yeah I'm just hysterical and they would [ __ ] with people together I mean it's just so good it's just like the that's the last
01:07:47
remains of like comedy being free and stupid for no reason yeah yeah it's so fun Gay Blade Blade's so fun yeah that's
01:07:54
what it's about you know what that is not to give credit but like that's why Mad TV became successful because it
01:08:02
didn't take itself that serious it was [ __ ] whack-a-doo nonsense yeah yeah yeah yeah it didn't care so people could
01:08:07
say whatever they want about comparing that to SNL because they were like SNL is this like tied up Emmy writing
01:08:13
winning show and took itself very serious [ __ ] mad tv never took itself here thank you for being a bad friend
01:08:36
that was [ __ ] great [Music] hey y'all hey we're launching a patreon that's right patreon.com bad friends and you get more than more you get more than more not only do you get the episode on
01:08:51
Friday instead of Monday you got a Friday at three at three so you get the episode ad free on Friday instead of on
01:08:57
Monday and you get extras bonus content and you know we do weird stuff like this
01:09:03
the bad friend's court is now in session honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable Judge Andrew Santino presided let's hear it Tony Trattoria employees broke into
01:09:15
her restaurant and stole her secret recipe for the legendary perfect pizza pizza pizza
01:09:20
sauce on the count of three one two three you're on with the bad friends how thick
01:09:27
is it how thick is it are you Mormon yeah that's great man we love you and I hope you don't get deported anytime soon
01:09:33
goodbye so so patreon.com bad friends what is it Bob patreon.com bad friend gotta do it the link is in the description below laughs [Music]