00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these
00:00:02
two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude you two are
00:00:08
disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:10
bad
00:00:13
friends Bobby was late it's an
00:00:17
update you're late every day it pisses
00:00:21
me off and that's why I'm always mad
00:00:24
you're so late late to the show I'm not
00:00:28
always late you're late every we film
00:00:31
you're late every time we film B without
00:00:33
fa single time yeah bro yes you're too
00:00:37
early that's your problem so he being on
00:00:39
time too early no no no what you do is
00:00:41
you come here like 20 minutes before so
00:00:43
it seems like longer what you do is you
00:00:46
come 20 minutes before to set up the
00:00:47
show to make sure that everything is in
00:00:49
order so then when we shoot that but
00:00:51
it's all about perception and time it's
00:00:54
all about it's all about uh right Jules
00:00:56
no don't don't don't don't don't what do
00:00:58
you mean it's all about per and time
00:01:01
it's how you perceive it and how you
00:01:03
live your time swing in the and that
00:01:07
one's way outside Bobby no I live in the
00:01:10
moment yeah and the moment is the time
00:01:12
we're supposed to shoot live in that
00:01:13
moment and be on it right but we're here
00:01:15
now in the moment shooting late but
00:01:17
other people have we have stuff to do
00:01:19
you know what do you have to do I have
00:01:20
to go to a thing this evening what thing
00:01:22
a another co party I'm watching a
00:01:24
another coover party I'm watching a
00:01:26
Premiere tonight are you in it m what is
00:01:29
it Davey plus two no that's FX the
00:01:32
season is about to start and it's FXX
00:01:33
thank you very much let's not make fun
00:01:35
of my show I'm not making fun of your
00:01:36
show I'm just saying what kind [ __ ]
00:01:38
Premier you the way you say it the way
00:01:39
you say Davey you're on Magnum PI is
00:01:42
Magnum PI the cool show to be on I'm
00:01:45
gous you are Galos yeah good to see you
00:01:47
boop no no no no no because what you
00:01:51
because what you don't understand go
00:01:53
ahead is that I woke up right in a fury
00:02:00
why when I called you no because I we
00:02:03
have Construction in the house because
00:02:06
of the floor yeah so there's Buzz saws
00:02:10
going dogs barking you know crazy I
00:02:14
can't find my keys and then all of a
00:02:17
sudden like I'm spilling drinks because
00:02:18
I'm looking for and things are splashing
00:02:21
all over the [ __ ] place and you know
00:02:23
there's tension check it out check it
00:02:25
out just let me finish yeah there's
00:02:26
tension right I run down right I you
00:02:30
know what I I go baby get me Starbucks
00:02:33
she orders me Starbucks right M I run
00:02:35
down and I'm like maybe I'll just maybe
00:02:37
going in front of juwels downstairs
00:02:41
right cuz she's in school right it'll
00:02:43
make me feel better so I go in there and
00:02:44
she just gives me [ __ ] judge eyes you
00:02:47
know what I mean like judge EO eyes
00:02:49
she's just like everything I'm like I'm
00:02:52
OJ guilty yeah guilty right and so then
00:02:55
I'm playing war zone and then like I
00:02:58
can't get no kills I'm just like
00:03:00
I'm just dying out there man and then
00:03:02
all of a sudden like you know then the
00:03:06
Starbucks is late and we're supposed to
00:03:08
go here and I go should I get my coffee
00:03:11
and have my little sandwich or should I
00:03:14
come to Mel Nish to this podcast I come
00:03:18
nourish check it out yeah check it
00:03:22
out we called I talk to you at
00:03:25
2 2:30 okay you had an hour and a half
00:03:29
mhm to put food in your body okay but
00:03:32
and to get here on time I didn't tell
00:03:35
but you wanted tell the story right I
00:03:37
didn't tell the story right so
00:03:37
everything was just a lie what you just
00:03:38
said no no there's one little thing that
00:03:40
I forgot forgot to mention is it an
00:03:41
important detail really huge and why'd
00:03:43
you leave it out because I just want to
00:03:45
get through the [ __ ] story oh so the
00:03:47
important things you should take out
00:03:49
yeah okay so what's the one thing that
00:03:50
you didn't right so that Starbucks
00:03:52
wasn't the first
00:03:54
option when I came down there right
00:03:56
right to your room time out how long did
00:03:58
you play war zone for
00:04:00
we were waiting for let me just finish
00:04:01
my point okay so when I came down there
00:04:04
what what did I say was coming first
00:04:06
initially sandwich no burrito oh burrito
00:04:10
did I say burrito yeah okay thank you so
00:04:13
I go we ordered burritos from kofax yeah
00:04:15
love breakfast Brios great right yeah
00:04:17
great so then I started playing war zone
00:04:20
and I'm I'm texting Kila you can see the
00:04:22
text where is it we have to go right and
00:04:26
then she goes it's coming we're waiting
00:04:29
and and then all of a sudden she says
00:04:31
they [ __ ] canel the
00:04:33
order because it was a breakfast burrito
00:04:35
and you ordered it at 2 p.m. I don't
00:04:38
know but that could be it I don't know
00:04:40
what it is and you might have a point
00:04:41
but that's
00:04:42
irrelevant it's irrelevant right what
00:04:45
whatever the reasons why they canceled
00:04:47
it they canceled it sure right so I'm
00:04:50
like now it's like we're supposed to be
00:04:51
here four now it's like
00:04:54
345 and I'm like I can't podcast without
00:04:57
coffee and I need to get some Nutri in
00:04:59
my body because I'm a human being and
00:05:01
that's what I [ __ ] drive on could
00:05:04
have some food at the house could no
00:05:06
because could have some food around the
00:05:07
house the construction is
00:05:09
what um they're blocking the fridge yes
00:05:13
so so I can't go up there because and it
00:05:16
has nothing to do with their race or
00:05:17
anything Hispanics up there oh boy
00:05:20
that's what it is you don't like to be
00:05:21
around Mexicans no that's what I love
00:05:23
them you get nervous I love them sing
00:05:26
I'm [ __ ] I'm the one with the [ __ ]
00:05:27
spices man they you go upstairs the
00:05:30
spices and you're like no I don't so I
00:05:33
can't go up there and it's like um so
00:05:36
we're late all right but there's a
00:05:38
reason why all that other [ __ ] you just
00:05:40
talked about was that not it yeah those
00:05:42
are the reasons those are the reasons
00:05:43
yeah yeah so I think that in a court of
00:05:45
law that I would win mm oh yeah oh yeah
00:05:49
no way oh yeah yeah yeah there's no way
00:05:51
in the court of law I would win all
00:05:53
right well I got you a gift anyway for
00:05:54
what
00:05:57
because I got you two gifts because
00:06:00
we're concerned about your sleep
00:06:01
patterns and I hear you Brea the fans
00:06:02
have noted that you're breathing so they
00:06:04
can hear how you breathe in the mic yeah
00:06:05
and they're concerned a lot of people
00:06:07
hear fluttering within your lungs people
00:06:09
are getting concerned we've had a lot of
00:06:10
fans WR in medical fans have said I work
00:06:12
in the medical field Bobby sounds a
00:06:15
little sketchy when he breathes so
00:06:17
breathe through your nose into the mic
00:06:18
go
00:06:21
ahead they're
00:06:23
worried so we got you two things I'm
00:06:26
getting you help by the way I'm getting
00:06:27
you a sleep apnea coach we're going to
00:06:29
as going to be on next week okay but
00:06:32
I've got you two things that I'd like
00:06:33
you to try on now this is an anti-
00:06:35
snoring chin strap the white
00:06:38
one let's see if that
00:06:40
works see if it see if it maybe helps a
00:06:43
little bit with your breathing
00:06:45
technique these chin straps are are from
00:06:48
uh from Amazon they were the cheapest
00:06:50
one I could find so I don't know if
00:06:52
they're and they're made in Wuhan China
00:06:55
I don't know where that is or if that's
00:06:56
a good spot to come from but that's what
00:06:57
these are made you play the wide part I
00:07:00
already know how to use these before you
00:07:02
used it yeah then put the other part
00:07:04
behind your head to unstrap the
00:07:08
Bop are you
00:07:09
snoring no this is perfect working these
00:07:13
are great well there's a black one too
00:07:15
but we also got you one more thing as a
00:07:17
gift this is from the crew here at bad
00:07:19
friends this is a twoin one anti-
00:07:22
snoring and an air purifier this is
00:07:24
actually very dope this came highly
00:07:26
recommended you put this in your schnaz
00:07:27
you won't snore it'll help you not have
00:07:29
sleep apnea stuff and on top of it
00:07:32
you're bre you're filtering out all the
00:07:33
stuff that's in the air here in Los
00:07:35
Angeles we have crappy air you know so
00:07:37
throw that in your schnaz and let's see
00:07:38
what that does we have really bad air
00:07:41
have you ever seen the dust outside when
00:07:42
you look at the furniture isn't it
00:07:43
disgusting yeah it's gross this would
00:07:45
mean this would mean this would mean
00:07:47
this would mean that I would have is
00:07:48
that Dusty back home this would mean I
00:07:50
would have the Philippines yeah is it
00:07:51
Dusty in the Philippines it's bad I
00:07:53
would I would have every hole in my Bo
00:07:56
in my face covered if I have this
00:07:58
correct cuz I covered my eyes my ears
00:08:02
and now my nose I think oh I have one
00:08:04
more I have one more hole my
00:08:06
mouth well yeah but we're going to put s
00:08:08
dick dicks in your mouth yeah night yeah
00:08:10
we're going to put a sleep apnea machine
00:08:11
in your mouth you could could put the
00:08:13
dick in your butt what is this you can
00:08:15
still put the dick in your butt go ahead
00:08:16
put it up your schnaz and see how it
00:08:19
works now breathe into the mic let's
00:08:21
hear it hello no no breathe with your
00:08:25
nose how much smoother does that sound
00:08:30
dude this is going to change your life
00:08:32
no but why I I I don't I don't first of
00:08:35
all I don't hear a difference there's a
00:08:38
huge difference I I I'm fine with my
00:08:40
nasal pass way but you don't know what's
00:08:42
really going on boob of course I do I'm
00:08:44
the one that's living in it you barely
00:08:46
know what's going on with your body I
00:08:47
know exactly what's going on with my
00:08:49
body you do it's a good machine it's a
00:08:51
bad machine it's a broken machine it's
00:08:52
an old xerox machine we need to fix it
00:08:54
yeah but it's not I'm not going to die
00:08:56
oh don't know am I going to die is that
00:08:58
what they're people are [ __ ] EMA
00:08:59
mailing us that I'm going to die people
00:09:00
are saying they're concerned about your
00:09:01
sleep your sleep habits because it's
00:09:03
really dangerous how people die so much
00:09:06
younger when they when they have sleep
00:09:08
apnea when they can't get good sleep
00:09:09
when they when they stay up too late and
00:09:11
their body isn't on a good time schedule
00:09:13
this is how people die
00:09:15
young okay I'll keep it in then it
00:09:17
sounds good it does honestly it sounds
00:09:20
like you're getting full full filtered
00:09:21
air in
00:09:23
there you feel
00:09:26
that it's smooth right I I literally am
00:09:28
dizzy because you're getting so much
00:09:30
oxygen no no no I'm like I'm about to
00:09:32
faint don't faint
00:09:34
[Music]
00:09:35
okay should I keep it in I think you
00:09:38
should take it out no I'm going to keep
00:09:39
it in keep it in I'll keep it in look
00:09:41
it's going to help you tremendously okay
00:09:43
and who are the who okay who are these
00:09:45
doctors people from the internet yeah
00:09:47
internet doctors internet doctors so
00:09:49
what are they saying on the they're
00:09:50
saying that they're they they're saying
00:09:52
that when they're listening to the
00:09:53
[ __ ] podcast they can hear me breathe
00:09:56
yeah they can hear you breathe through
00:09:57
your Shaz and it sounds it sounds like
00:09:58
you're not getting enough oxygen you
00:10:00
don't know your body what's your what
00:10:02
kind of body fat percentage do you have
00:10:03
do you think 4.5 over the Redux of my
00:10:06
body fat really yeah I'm going to get a
00:10:09
body fat at measuring machine and I
00:10:10
guarantee you're like 20 or 30 you're
00:10:11
like you're almost 30% body fat pie over
00:10:13
[ __ ] grams put your arm out to the
00:10:16
side put your arm straight out right
00:10:17
here man all right jiggle
00:10:18
it like this do it like that look at
00:10:21
that [ __ ] you there's nothing here
00:10:23
there's no muscle that's like a there's
00:10:25
no muscle but there's no fat yeah there
00:10:26
is look on the underside look at all
00:10:28
that fat wiggling down there it's no
00:10:29
that's not SK I come from a big skin
00:10:31
family you guys have a lot of skin we
00:10:33
have longer skin and we have more skin
00:10:36
genetically from my family okay yeah but
00:10:39
there's no fat no fat there's fat in my
00:10:41
stomach but anywhere else doesn't it
00:10:43
doesn't exist okay well I hope this
00:10:47
works at least this I think is a good
00:10:50
start I'll try tonight though I think
00:10:53
you should honestly so this what is this
00:10:54
going to do it's going to open up your
00:10:56
nasal passages right it's going to get
00:10:57
more air flow that's why you feel like
00:10:58
fainting cuz you're actually probably
00:10:59
getting a lot of oxygen in your blood
00:11:01
I'm a little high right now it's cool
00:11:02
that's cool yeah you do get a little
00:11:03
Stone from Air yeah yeah have you ever
00:11:05
had an oxygen machine have you ever had
00:11:06
like a have you ever been in the
00:11:07
mountains before Oh I'm a mountain man
00:11:09
no you're not oh [ __ ] yeah where'd you
00:11:11
go Big Bear Mammoth okay okay okay um
00:11:15
Mammoth is good Mammoth is up there m
00:11:16
mount solidad mount solidad yeah most
00:11:20
mount solidad when did you go to m
00:11:21
solidad there's one in La Hoya oh that's
00:11:24
not no there's one in Mexico that I'm
00:11:26
think that you're not you didn't mon
00:11:27
solad is like a hill yeah it's Mountain
00:11:30
but it's called Mount solad I promise
00:11:32
you that yes that's true right yeah
00:11:33
there's there's a high school called
00:11:34
Mount Carmel it's not on a mountain I
00:11:36
know but it's still uphill sure it's up
00:11:38
a hill yeah it's up and you're elevated
00:11:41
okay yes it's a mountain it's not a
00:11:42
mountain but I'm just saying they call
00:11:44
it Mount solidad I'm just giving you
00:11:46
facts yeah but that's not a mountain I
00:11:48
need to know mountains if you okay Fiji
00:11:50
and Fuji Fiji Water Fuji water yeah yeah
00:11:53
I know I drank Mount Fiji Water on Mount
00:11:56
Fuji did you really yeah that's kind of
00:11:58
fun that's really good you just it's
00:11:59
gonna get more oxygen in your blood it's
00:12:01
gonna help you sleep better and it's
00:12:02
filtering the air so then if Kila if
00:12:04
kalila lets one rip at night or one of
00:12:06
the dogs you won't be able to smell it
00:12:09
yeah or you or you if you can't if you
00:12:11
don't want to smell your body this
00:12:12
really has me really concerned though
00:12:13
man this is kind of freaking me out same
00:12:14
to us that's why we're doing this no but
00:12:16
do I really need to go to a doctor and
00:12:18
get a [ __ ] we're getting a guy on on
00:12:20
I have to do a test that's what my
00:12:22
doctor said he's going to he's going to
00:12:23
analyze everything up front and and find
00:12:25
out how if you really need to come in
00:12:28
and get a machine
00:12:29
yeah but I think he's going to find out
00:12:31
that yeah you're drinking 87 ounces of
00:12:33
coffee you're still smoking you're
00:12:34
drinking Red Bull your diet consists of
00:12:37
pizza boogers and you
00:12:41
know yeah Korean
00:12:43
barbecue yeah I mean what was last time
00:12:45
you had just a
00:12:47
salad for real Monday maybe but was a
00:12:50
salad with fixing on
00:12:52
it it was a pizza salad pizza salad yeah
00:12:55
okay that makes sense well it's a pizza
00:12:58
right with the sauce but they put salad
00:12:59
on
00:13:00
top they really do I know it's really
00:13:03
good yeah yeah Pizza salad's fine yeah
00:13:05
yeah and then we I love um is um
00:13:09
carbonara a salad carbonara is not a
00:13:11
salad no it's delicious though sure can
00:13:13
we admit that yeah it also it fills you
00:13:17
up sure does it gives you energy no I
00:13:19
don't know if it gives you energy yeah
00:13:21
there's I like Carbono a lot you don't
00:13:23
know if that's a salad and um pen with
00:13:26
carbonara I'm sure that's not a salad p
00:13:29
is a pasta yeah yeah but it is um it's
00:13:31
really good yes I also like
00:13:35
um what fruits do I like I like um
00:13:39
blueberries okay bananas bananas are
00:13:42
good for you yeah I like peanut butter
00:13:44
with my banana though same you do I put
00:13:47
peanut butter on my waffles too I had
00:13:48
blueberry waffles this so what I'll do
00:13:49
is I'll chop up maybe five bananas mhm
00:13:54
and then I'll stick like three um
00:13:57
spoonfuls of peanut butter okay and then
00:14:01
I'll drench it with
00:14:03
honey yeah and then I'll make two
00:14:06
gigantic pieces of toast and I'll take
00:14:09
all that and chunk it you know what I
00:14:10
mean mhm and is that a salad yes okay
00:14:14
that's a salad yeah yeah byad probably
00:14:16
by by proxy by proxy yeah it's near it's
00:14:19
near Enough by salad yeah take that out
00:14:21
of your nose will you do it tonight for
00:14:23
real will you really try it tonight and
00:14:24
sleep with that in the chin strap will
00:14:26
you lick this mhm no no be honest you
00:14:29
know what let me ask you this all right
00:14:31
that's an old Korean custom right it
00:14:35
really is I trust I trust nothing the
00:14:36
Koreans have done I understand that but
00:14:38
you know what it would mean a lot to me
00:14:39
and it would make me laugh you want me
00:14:40
to make me laugh yeah you want to make
00:14:42
me laugh mhm you would make me cackle
00:14:44
laughing if I could make George lick
00:14:46
that no if you licked the tip of tips of
00:14:48
these right now like stick this in your
00:14:50
mouth yeah right now I just got over a
00:14:53
Corona virus you want me to get a new
00:14:55
virus you you I I twice SARS okay so um
00:15:01
but I'm you know I mean I'm on
00:15:03
antibiotics right it would make me laugh
00:15:05
are you on antibiotics right now why are
00:15:06
you on antibiotics I always take them
00:15:08
it's like a vitamin for me that's so
00:15:09
they're so bad for you oh [ __ ] I'll stop
00:15:12
they deplete your immune system oh [ __ ]
00:15:14
Bobby don't take antibiotics kiding I
00:15:15
don't take it could you lick this no
00:15:17
you're not yeah lick this I could see
00:15:19
you just throwing down a li the tips and
00:15:22
the fans will love it it's entertainment
00:15:24
the fans will love me licking your snot
00:15:27
uh device yeah yeah why don't you one of
00:15:29
these guys do it yeah get in here George
00:15:31
you [ __ ] you look it George George he he
00:15:35
he literally goes he just lefted nobody
00:15:38
sounds like you George it's you he just
00:15:40
left you know what Andrew um you're a
00:15:42
coward thanks okay okay I'll lick that
00:15:46
if on camera you lick my open
00:15:50
butthole on camera I will on camera yeah
00:15:54
yeah Moon there and you lick my open
00:15:55
tush and I'll lick that okay really for
00:15:59
laugh yeah I do anything for the fans I
00:16:02
know it's disgusting you know that right
00:16:04
I would do anything for the fans I think
00:16:05
it's hilarious right I'd have to put a
00:16:08
mask on no no no no no no I will I'll
00:16:10
stick my tongue out but I have to wear
00:16:11
the mask out no it's got to be tongue
00:16:13
it's got to be tongue to
00:16:14
Tush can I do something that's like
00:16:17
equivalent to this though I just feel
00:16:18
like you took it to a Next Level comedy
00:16:21
Elevate always no but it's a it's a
00:16:23
contract right yeah and my deal is
00:16:26
better than yours no no no the contract
00:16:28
is this it should be equal equal no cont
00:16:30
never equal why don't you do this right
00:16:32
why don't you stick a [ __ ] tissue in
00:16:33
your nose right swir it all around I'll
00:16:36
eat the tissue you lick the tip of this
00:16:39
so you guys are afraid to go out to eat
00:16:40
at restaurants yeah but you want me to
00:16:43
lick your nose cont that's right let's
00:16:45
be real okay let's be real George trying
00:16:46
to get away from that George we should
00:16:48
have made George do it what do we make
00:16:49
him let's have him do it or he's fired
00:16:52
do it or you're fired
00:16:53
George George get in here I'm I'm not
00:16:56
being real now George George lick the
00:16:58
tip of or you're fired you're
00:17:01
fired is that what you want you want to
00:17:04
be out on the street also I'll tell you
00:17:05
this George you're gonna get a lot of
00:17:06
fans lot of fans and you'll be punk rock
00:17:09
do you want to be punk rock or not think
00:17:10
steveo how cool is he think sto correct
00:17:15
thanks steo all right all right Bob um
00:17:17
he fired you're fired yeah what's up
00:17:19
okay so two weeks ago people know we put
00:17:21
up an ad about Riso Riso Soma audio
00:17:23
victims of George's laugh because
00:17:25
George's laugh is quite frankly a lot of
00:17:28
fans have complained well I've been it's
00:17:29
like I'm immune to it it's like when you
00:17:31
watch like you know a scary movie and
00:17:34
night like I've been watching um The
00:17:36
Haunted House of BL house what is that
00:17:38
called BL Hill House
00:17:41
BL man she just like BL Bean BL Manor BL
00:17:47
man whatever BL Manor yeah and you know
00:17:50
and there's a woman that just constantly
00:17:52
she has to cover the [ __ ] you know um
00:17:54
mirrors because she sees a ghost all the
00:17:56
time right but she's used to it
00:17:59
I'm used to George's laugh but if I
00:18:01
heard it for the first time I would
00:18:02
probably need trauma therapy right yeah
00:18:05
it's like so like you know heavy
00:18:07
invasive does it do anything to you I
00:18:10
like his laugh you do oh my God she's
00:18:12
crazy she's a crazy human being she's
00:18:14
like an insane a little insane person we
00:18:16
have in the studio yeah yeah well we had
00:18:18
put up that commercial I like his lap I
00:18:21
like a la we put up that commercial for
00:18:23
the victims to call the hotline it's a
00:18:24
real number some people used it um we've
00:18:27
got some uh some concerned these are
00:18:29
real fans who are actually very
00:18:30
concerned with what George's laugh has
00:18:32
done to them I'm going to play you guys
00:18:33
a couple of Clips
00:18:36
okay um here we go let's hear this
00:18:39
one George has caused my family to leave
00:18:42
me his annoying laughter has ruined my
00:18:44
life in every conceivable way it haunts
00:18:47
my dreams caused me to lose sleep at
00:18:50
night I lost my job my wife left me and
00:18:53
took our daughter and moved back home
00:18:54
with her family [ __ ] you George yeah
00:18:59
more please more these are real these
00:19:00
are from real people man I can't get it
00:19:02
out of my [ __ ] head every time I try
00:19:05
to go to sleep at night I just hear that
00:19:06
stupid son of a bitch's laughter it's
00:19:09
driving me insane man I punched my wife
00:19:12
in the throat the other day because she
00:19:14
laughed just almost identical to him but
00:19:17
then again maybe I'm just hearing it I
00:19:19
don't know she was asleep so I doubt it
00:19:22
great man I gotta make stop
00:19:26
though hello hello uh and calling a
00:19:30
bobie oh I could
00:19:33
hear I'm not going to hear no
00:19:38
[Laughter]
00:19:44
more please
00:19:47
help Rudy is that somebody that you know
00:19:50
that sounds like somebody you might know
00:19:52
yeah no I don't know you don't know who
00:19:54
that is no that's your mother that was
00:19:57
your mom that called honey yep George's
00:20:00
annoying laughter I was listening to the
00:20:02
podcast one day while driving and that
00:20:04
they just popped up out of nowhere wait
00:20:07
mom I'll change the your diaper now it
00:20:09
just popped up out of nowhere and it
00:20:12
honestly scared me I almost swer right
00:20:14
into a 14 wheer next to me he almost
00:20:16
killed me I should sue you're gonna get
00:20:18
sued George you're gonna get sued that
00:20:20
that message though was very good yeah
00:20:22
because in between he did a bit he did a
00:20:23
bit he's changing his mother's diaper
00:20:25
yeah yeah that was it was really nice
00:20:26
but when he says changing his mother's
00:20:27
diaper but he's yelling across room that
00:20:29
must mean they're reusing diapers he
00:20:30
must be cleaning it out right he's
00:20:32
another room for sure right yeah
00:20:35
right it was dist
00:20:38
disturbing um I mean I got the joke but
00:20:41
he would just Howl in the back
00:20:43
and [ __ ] me up man like I don't know
00:20:47
like where the [ __ ] is George
00:20:51
man George people are really Disturbed
00:20:55
honestly George this is bad George's
00:20:56
laughter has completely destroyed my
00:21:00
life I can't go to sleep at night I can
00:21:03
hardly wake up in the morning every time
00:21:05
I hear
00:21:07
laughter I'm always worried that George
00:21:09
might be somewhere near me and it's the
00:21:11
scariest thing ever I truly think I'm
00:21:14
suffering from emotional distress I need
00:21:16
your help I need your legal
00:21:18
representation so here's the deal we
00:21:20
have a law firm that people called and
00:21:22
you know you and I are both we both have
00:21:23
we passed the bar here in Southern
00:21:24
California oh yeah yeah I oh I passed
00:21:26
the bar in three states you have three I
00:21:28
only one yeah one in Nevada one here and
00:21:31
one in uh Delaware why Delaware it's the
00:21:34
smallest state it's the easiest bar to
00:21:36
get over easy to get slow to the ground
00:21:38
is it and not only that it's just easier
00:21:40
to get one there yeah they just want to
00:21:41
hand it to you yeah yeah you're a lawyer
00:21:43
there in Delaware yeah we got one more
00:21:44
call from someone who's very
00:21:47
concerned oh my God is this
00:21:50
real I'm not gonna lie I love George's
00:21:53
laughter hearing it in the background
00:21:54
you guys give pink dick too much [ __ ]
00:21:57
yes you don't know [ __ ] you idiot
00:21:59
[ __ ] meand Bob what kind of underwear
00:22:03
do you have on right now mandes it's the
00:22:04
only underwear I wear because it's uh
00:22:06
it's so comfortable I like the patterns
00:22:07
and designs and it's like I don't think
00:22:10
that I'll ever wear a different kind of
00:22:11
underwear I think meundies is the
00:22:13
underwear for life for me you know
00:22:14
whenever some people are like do they
00:22:16
even use any of those ads we both wear
00:22:18
meundies it's the only underwear that's
00:22:19
in my drawer because I threw away the
00:22:21
other ones CU other underwear have seams
00:22:23
on them they get uncomfortable they rip
00:22:25
they tear and they streak easily Bob and
00:22:27
these don't I also like to perform with
00:22:29
me undies they're just so comfortable
00:22:31
you moving around moving around and I
00:22:33
just you know if I I don't ever do this
00:22:35
but if I do take my pants off on stage I
00:22:38
also want to be fashionable up there
00:22:39
that's right that's right me feels like
00:22:41
you're sitting on a heaven Cloud all
00:22:42
right because it's so comfortable and
00:22:43
smooth and soft and nice think of how
00:22:45
much better you'd be feeling if your
00:22:46
aies were covered in pandas or sushi
00:22:48
rolls huh Bob what do you think about
00:22:50
that don't you think you feel I have
00:22:52
ones with raccoons on it I really like
00:22:54
raccoons we got to get you don't have
00:22:55
the sushi ones the sushi ones are my
00:22:56
favorite I eat them oh you ate your own
00:22:58
okay don't eat the meundies put them on
00:23:00
your body they have classic colors right
00:23:01
they have all the classic but they also
00:23:02
go ridiculous prints I've got pizza
00:23:04
parlor on mine I've got little pieces of
00:23:05
pizza and cheese uh and your tush and
00:23:08
your genitalia deserve the comfort that
00:23:09
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00:23:34
God Andrew this is the F my favorite
00:23:36
thing in the whole world because during
00:23:38
the pandemic my friend yeah it's been
00:23:39
tough it's been tough and I've literally
00:23:42
used this um better help and um I do
00:23:45
therapy every week because of it and
00:23:47
it's like uh you can it's so easy man
00:23:49
it's like you can start communicating
00:23:50
with somebody in under 20 48 hours and
00:23:53
it's not not even a Cris crisis line or
00:23:56
self-help it's like professional
00:23:58
counseling like done online but it's
00:24:00
been so helpful no it really has I use
00:24:02
therapy Bob and I both talked about it
00:24:04
we're pretty open about our troubles and
00:24:06
look this is a great way it's much
00:24:08
cheaper the than than the other way
00:24:10
which can be very very expensive this is
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what's surprising about better help
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which is it's really affordable and it's
00:24:26
then more than like traditional um
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offline counseling and financial aid is
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wants you to start living a happier life
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today they have tons and tons of people
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00:24:41
should too if you want to see
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can go to betterhelp.com badri that's
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you can read all these reviews Bob and I
00:24:55
are big proponents on getting mental
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health because it's very important um
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people are using this and you should too
00:25:00
we have our offer for our bad friends
00:25:01
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friends listeners get 10% off your first
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month at betterhelp.com bad friends I'm
00:25:12
tired of um people thinking that we're
00:25:15
being mean to people please they know
00:25:17
we're having fun yeah we're having fun
00:25:20
and um you know I have to be honest with
00:25:23
you George is not a good guy tell me
00:25:27
more well George and these are things
00:25:30
and I I you know when I first met George
00:25:33
yeah we had a meeting and um he says you
00:25:36
know these are things that um please
00:25:39
don't you know tell
00:25:41
people about my life about my history
00:25:44
and you did it right away no I've never
00:25:46
said it and I'm saying it here for the
00:25:47
first time oh okay yeah yeah uh he likes
00:25:51
well when he was a kid right he fondled
00:25:54
um
00:25:56
squirrels you know he really would
00:25:57
fondle squirrels really yeah yeah he
00:26:00
would well he was he's from the forest I
00:26:02
I understand right he from the woods he
00:26:04
raised in the wild right so he would
00:26:05
capture you know I mean but these aren't
00:26:07
just um adult squirrels these were kids
00:26:10
squirrels oh no yeah yeah yeah they
00:26:12
didn't have no they didn't have that
00:26:14
brown patch of hair down there and their
00:26:16
Squirrel Nuts haven't dropped yet yeah
00:26:17
they they're little drop no Squirrel
00:26:19
Nuts right and he used to lick his you
00:26:22
know finger like that right and like rub
00:26:24
even the penises rub it like this right
00:26:27
and and squir right and and he would rub
00:26:31
it hard right and one time two two
00:26:35
squirrel babies right he rubbed it so
00:26:37
much it started a little fire oh no
00:26:40
flames yeah he lit squirrels on fire by
00:26:42
rubbing their genitals yeah he rubbed so
00:26:44
like this so hard circular right so
00:26:46
that's number one and so that's you know
00:26:49
not illegal you still wanted to work
00:26:50
with the guy huh yeah he's very good
00:26:52
with numbers he is and he's very
00:26:54
proactive yes right so and the second
00:26:56
thing he did was um
00:26:59
he didn't there was an old lady yeah in
00:27:02
the forest that lived right and she had
00:27:04
52 bags you of Safeway bags full of
00:27:08
groceries one one for each week she like
00:27:10
to hoard she likes no she likes to hoard
00:27:13
right and get all her shopping done in
00:27:15
in for the year right I'm saying she has
00:27:17
one bag for a week exactly right yeah so
00:27:20
she's like George will you please help
00:27:22
me and he goes [ __ ] you [ __ ] or
00:27:24
something like that George yeah [ __ ]
00:27:26
right and so she was carry Mac
00:27:29
Truck she died she got hit by a Mac
00:27:32
Truck and then George's laugh at across
00:27:34
the street George did you laugh when old
00:27:36
lady 1 years old 17 years old ew dude
00:27:39
yeah um what are other Secrets here's
00:27:42
another secret um he was taking a [ __ ]
00:27:44
right in the forest right and he didn't
00:27:46
have any toilet paper so he wiped his
00:27:48
ass with the Bible whoa yeah Corinthians
00:27:52
dude Corinthians Corinthians new test
00:27:55
yeah new test old test yeah yeah yeah
00:27:56
yeah right you've heard you've heard
00:27:59
things correct I've heard so much bad
00:28:00
stuff about George in fact in fact here
00:28:02
here's what happened when we talked
00:28:03
about doing this show yeah we met uh we
00:28:06
met at uh a restaurant on Ventura yeah
00:28:09
uh in the neighborhood and I said to him
00:28:12
uh hey I'm going to be running uh a
00:28:13
little bit late because I have to go
00:28:15
right next door and grab something from
00:28:17
CBS he says I'll I'll just get us a
00:28:20
table you know yeah that's how he sounds
00:28:22
and he and he got us a table right and I
00:28:25
walk in on time actually so he thinks
00:28:27
I'm going to be two minutes late I'm
00:28:29
actually on time because it worked out
00:28:31
better I see the way he's talking to the
00:28:33
waitress I'm not kidding I'm not making
00:28:35
this up she's a little plump she's a
00:28:36
little a little thick she's probably 5
00:28:39
to you know 33 rot she's rotund right
00:28:43
she she look like violet board when she
00:28:45
blows up in Willy Wonka anyway George
00:28:49
looks her in the face I'm not joking he
00:28:51
goes I said club soda fat ass and she
00:28:54
starts crying and he goes yeah keep
00:28:56
crying maybe you'll lose some weight
00:28:58
maybe I swear to God he goes maybe
00:29:00
you're carrying around water weight and
00:29:03
so then I I I enter and I said George
00:29:05
what was that all about and he stumbled
00:29:07
Mr oh I left some to get my car he got
00:29:11
in his car he left so that's how he
00:29:12
treats people when we're not looking can
00:29:14
I tell you another he does please just
00:29:16
cuz you take a letter out of a like
00:29:17
racial you know I mean slur doesn't make
00:29:21
it right of course not like we were
00:29:22
driving right wee back you can't say we
00:29:26
back said we back that's what he said
00:29:27
yeah yeah
00:29:29
see he laughing he loves it yeah yeah
00:29:33
when I met when I met um when I met
00:29:35
George outside of your old place for the
00:29:37
first time when I first did Tiger belly
00:29:39
yeah uh you were like oh George will
00:29:41
come down and open up the gate and
00:29:42
George comes downstairs and I'm not
00:29:45
kidding he's got his penis out George
00:29:47
had his penis out and he's pushing in
00:29:49
the code for the gate with his penis I
00:29:51
bet yeah yeah yeah and and he's and he's
00:29:53
going like this to me smiling waving his
00:29:54
hands as I know I know I know I thought
00:29:58
for a second okay comedy world he gets
00:30:01
comedy this isn't this okay but then
00:30:04
this is insane I look across the street
00:30:06
what's across the street from your old
00:30:07
place an elementary school wow and he
00:30:10
wasn't waving at me he's waving at the
00:30:13
kids showing him the code well you know
00:30:16
I went we went to a pottery class uhhuh
00:30:19
George and I went to a pottery class
00:30:21
right and there's children old ladies
00:30:23
you know I mean a couple of black
00:30:26
people d as well right all kinds of
00:30:29
people everybody likes Pottery right
00:30:31
right and you're painting and he did the
00:30:33
same you know there's two a brush you
00:30:35
know because we we molded oh you did it
00:30:37
on the wheel we molded on the wheel
00:30:39
right we did it like the movie Ghost
00:30:41
right so he went right behind me right
00:30:43
and we're just doing it right and then
00:30:45
all of a sudden I'm like um is your dick
00:30:47
in my [ __ ] was it yes e his dick was
00:30:51
in my [ __ ] no approval by the way no
00:30:53
approval right and then after the
00:30:55
[ __ ] Pottery dry put in the oven and
00:30:57
whatnot right he painted it with his
00:30:58
dick oh my God right so it was just like
00:31:01
these like little dots from his the hole
00:31:04
like a little you know from a slip yeah
00:31:06
from the slip yeah I got to tell you I
00:31:08
don't approve rude do you like George at
00:31:09
all now that you now that you know the
00:31:11
secrets that we're not supposed to tell
00:31:13
yeah how do you feel yeah he's scary see
00:31:16
he is very scary very scary and he's not
00:31:19
a man that you want around you correct
00:31:20
and I'm going to tell you right now
00:31:21
Jules when he calls you o
00:31:26
right Jules and you're like what does
00:31:28
that mean I'm afraid to tell you what it
00:31:31
is but he always goes hey you o right
00:31:34
and I'm like yeah well he thinks it's
00:31:35
cute he goes hi ukie he think it's he
00:31:38
thinks it's like a fun term of
00:31:39
endearment it's like U I was afraid to
00:31:40
tell you what it meant and so I'm just
00:31:42
letting you know add whatever letter you
00:31:44
want in front of O I bet you could
00:31:46
figure it out yeah you could fill her
00:31:48
figure out it's not a vowel how about
00:31:49
that
00:31:50
yeah well anyway so George is a bad guy
00:31:53
but he's really good with numbers and
00:31:54
he's uh very um hardworking he's a
00:31:57
politician yeah he's very good uh
00:31:59
speaking of which it's
00:32:01
um it's election time and uh and I'll
00:32:05
tell you what I'm looking forward to
00:32:07
right now Kanye Kanye 2020 yeah yep we
00:32:10
want him to win president of course you
00:32:13
did yeah um here's the deal yeah we we
00:32:18
have a thing that we're about I'm
00:32:20
filling you in as we go we're going to
00:32:23
do best since we can't have a president
00:32:25
of the podcast right people say why
00:32:26
don't you guys do a presidential race of
00:32:27
the podcast I said no one can be the
00:32:29
president of the podcast because there's
00:32:31
three parties right you can't and there
00:32:34
has to be two only two parties so I
00:32:36
think she's kind of like the green party
00:32:38
she's the green right yeah okay and what
00:32:40
are you democrat and what am I
00:32:43
Republican you bet your ass yeah no but
00:32:46
the truth is we have to run against each
00:32:47
other and I think the we've decided to
00:32:50
make you and I are going to are going to
00:32:52
run Andreas has compiled some questions
00:32:54
for us okay and so does it debate uhhuh
00:32:57
oh [ __ ] because of the I didn't prepare
00:33:00
it doesn't neither did I but we're
00:33:03
running for we you you have debate
00:33:05
people that you practice with we're
00:33:06
running for best Tito okay best Tito and
00:33:09
and she's going to choose who's best
00:33:11
Tito do you
00:33:16
understand all right good evening from
00:33:19
the bad friend studio in Los Angeles
00:33:21
California I'm fancy B your moderator
00:33:24
and I'm welcoming to the first and only
00:33:27
B friend best American Tito debate of
00:33:30
2020 between Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew
00:33:35
the commission of very important debates
00:33:36
have decided the format four sections of
00:33:39
approximately four minutes each with one
00:33:42
minute of interrupted opening statements
00:33:44
from each candidate for the record the
00:33:48
candidates have not agreed to respect
00:33:49
any rules I have decided to topics and
00:33:52
the questions and I can assure you none
00:33:54
of the questions have been shared with
00:33:56
any of the candidates
00:33:58
as a precussion the candidates have
00:34:00
agreed not to shake hands at the
00:34:02
beginning of the
00:34:03
debate George has promised not to laugh
00:34:07
no noise except for now when we welcome
00:34:10
Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew yeah thank
00:34:13
you thank you very much thank you so
00:34:15
much thank you thank you good to be here
00:34:16
thank you so gentlemen a lot of people
00:34:18
have been waiting for this moment so
00:34:20
let's
00:34:21
start our first topic is house roles
00:34:25
Tito Bobby you have said you leave dirty
00:34:27
plates everywhere you have a drawer full
00:34:29
of ANS and you leave boogers in your
00:34:32
guest bedroom Tito Andrew you have
00:34:35
called your opponent disgusting and
00:34:37
accuse him of unsanitary practices you
00:34:40
prefer to have plastified unused
00:34:42
furniture and spotless
00:34:44
rooms why are you right in your opponent
00:34:46
run we start with you Tito Bobby um I am
00:34:49
right because um as we
00:34:52
know life is hard for some of us yes for
00:34:55
most no for you for for sure well for us
00:34:58
that struggle right and know what
00:35:00
humanity is about and know what hardship
00:35:03
is you're you know I mean he's been
00:35:05
taking money from the Chinese for years
00:35:08
he's been taking money from the Chinese
00:35:10
excuse me excuse me explain the email
00:35:12
excuse me explain the email excuse me
00:35:14
there's a little email that we have on
00:35:15
file that says that says you're taking
00:35:18
unite and group together there is no
00:35:19
sides there's no red or blue R andell
00:35:23
we're just Americans we're Americans are
00:35:26
you where were you born I was born in
00:35:27
San Diego California show I my I don't
00:35:31
need a passport cuz I have a birth
00:35:32
certificate show me that much show me
00:35:34
your birth certificate hoax fake news
00:35:37
how am I fake news okay you're the one
00:35:40
who keeps who keeps unkempt records of
00:35:42
yourself you're L you were late to this
00:35:43
debate you were how what kind of person
00:35:46
wants a Tito who's late to the debate
00:35:48
let me ask the question at hand why
00:35:49
don't we leave the questions up to the
00:35:50
moderator let me finish my point sir go
00:35:51
ahead go ahead well you shut up man life
00:35:55
is hard let me honestly can I finish
00:35:58
without him interrupting 30 seconds how
00:36:00
is that even 30 seconds when he [ __ ]
00:36:02
interrupted me here we go all right so
00:36:05
let me just finish all right sir thank
00:36:07
you life is hard okay and I know that
00:36:10
when Jules leaves our house right she is
00:36:12
going to be confronted with all kinds of
00:36:14
elements right and I want to be able to
00:36:16
toughen her skin right I want her to
00:36:17
succeed and I want her to know what um
00:36:20
tough love is etc etc so what what I do
00:36:23
is I put things around the house
00:36:24
purposely bodily fluids yeah he puts
00:36:27
bodily fluid around the home I'm going
00:36:28
to tell you this right now you want a
00:36:29
Tito who does stuff like that yeah can I
00:36:31
say something right now when she goes
00:36:32
out in the world right yeah and some
00:36:34
homeless person spits in her face she'll
00:36:35
know what to do she'll have the immune
00:36:37
system to fight it off homeless people
00:36:39
by the way in my under my under my
00:36:41
regime as Tito right everyone's homeless
00:36:43
everyone's homeless I know everyone's
00:36:45
hom right so I am preparing her for a a
00:36:48
hard life a difficult life right and she
00:36:51
one day will be grateful for my [ __ ]
00:36:54
tutelage okay can I have the floor
00:36:56
please cuz see this guy well Andrew you
00:36:59
have been going over the limit great so
00:37:02
I think we have a lot of questions we
00:37:04
have to mov thank and you know what this
00:37:06
is this is CNN propaganda that's what
00:37:09
this is this is MSNBC and I know and I
00:37:11
know and let me tell you something why
00:37:12
don't you show why don't you talk what
00:37:15
they muted my
00:37:19
mic that's really good they should mute
00:37:21
M why don't you talk about your son why
00:37:23
don't you talk about your son who was on
00:37:25
heroin my son Al Fredo right yeah he was
00:37:28
on
00:37:29
heroin traff business was never on
00:37:33
heroin he owned a pizza parlor and the
00:37:34
clintons were running kids out of the
00:37:36
Parlor what's the excuse there we made
00:37:39
pizzas my my son made pizzas and I said
00:37:41
he had a human trafficking business you
00:37:43
made he did not Sho heroin he did not
00:37:45
shoot heroin next question okay our next
00:37:48
look is dedicated to holidays thank you
00:37:52
my expertise by the
00:37:54
way thank you well you're welcome you
00:37:57
have handle Halloween uh by turning the
00:37:59
lights of your house and hiding from
00:38:01
kids Tito Andrew on the other hand have
00:38:04
been given 50 bags of candy 50 so uh the
00:38:08
question that nephews and nieces Across
00:38:10
America want to know how are you going
00:38:12
to deal with
00:38:15
Christmas well here's here's we start
00:38:17
with Tito Andrew thank you well I as a
00:38:21
Christian God-fearing adult male who
00:38:23
loves baby Jesus uh both black baby
00:38:26
Jesus and white baby Jesus uh I handle
00:38:29
Christmas with care with Precision with
00:38:32
expertise and with love I decorate my
00:38:34
home uh I give away gifts to the
00:38:37
homeless increments of of of a thousand
00:38:39
I give away $10 $100 bills to people at
00:38:42
random on the street I'm very giving I'm
00:38:44
very loving and uh I I believe that
00:38:48
during the holidays we need to be
00:38:50
praising the good Lord preaching the
00:38:52
good word and uh making sure that we
00:38:55
instill these beliefs into the youth for
00:38:57
the rest of time uh and and I am someone
00:39:01
I'm a Tito who gives gifts as people
00:39:03
know of this show have I given you gifts
00:39:05
yeah I have have I given you gifts I'm
00:39:07
not done have I given you gifts no you
00:39:09
have not I just gave you two
00:39:13
today this is not a gift sure and and
00:39:16
this is how he feel this is not a gift
00:39:17
and this is how a privileged person
00:39:19
feels this is insulting this is how a
00:39:21
privileged person feels about everything
00:39:23
they don't want anything you give to
00:39:24
them it isn't enough cuz it didn't cost
00:39:26
enough he didn't like his cake him for
00:39:27
his birthday cuz it was from Von right
00:39:29
you you it's like if I give you an
00:39:30
eyebrow trimmer that is not a gift that
00:39:33
is something to help you I would love it
00:39:34
if you gave me one and may I have the
00:39:37
may may I have the floor I'm not D may
00:39:39
may I have the floor rebuttal Tito
00:39:41
Andrew I mean shut up Tito Bobby is your
00:39:45
time it is true I will Deport you this
00:39:47
guy is getting deported after this it is
00:39:49
true that I do not give children candy
00:39:54
on Halloween yeah that is a fact but
00:39:57
what you do not realize is that I give
00:39:59
the kids candy every other day after
00:40:03
that prove it I do I go around ask I go
00:40:07
around right after Halloween I'll go up
00:40:09
to any random child give them candy they
00:40:12
go why give because I will give you
00:40:14
candy not Halloween but every single
00:40:17
other day and they go thank you there's
00:40:19
no proof of this this is a lie it is not
00:40:20
a ever seen I I do do it all right and
00:40:23
here's the thing right you've given
00:40:25
[ __ ] Juliana gifts yes giv her the
00:40:27
gift of life you didn't give you're not
00:40:29
her father I know but I give her food
00:40:32
nutrients and shelter and blankies as we
00:40:35
know do you not have a blankie do you
00:40:37
have a blankie I have right do you have
00:40:40
do you have a temperic bed yes thank
00:40:45
you as we know uh Tito Bobby only gives
00:40:49
gifts to Rudy jws to hold them over her
00:40:51
head when he wants something in return
00:40:53
He has tried to blackmail her as you've
00:40:55
seen on the show on the show he
00:40:57
blackmailed her with Starbucks he told
00:40:59
what can she do for me what what can she
00:41:02
do for me enr Enlighten she is the youth
00:41:04
that's the future I have not learned
00:41:06
anything except for certain anime shows
00:41:09
from her what the sharpest knives are
00:41:11
yep right that's pretty much it she's
00:41:13
given you more than you could ever give
00:41:15
to anybody because you're a selfish
00:41:17
person and she is not next question um
00:41:20
selfish
00:41:22
question mic's got cut good next
00:41:25
question Okay so
00:41:28
B I have a question or a statement I
00:41:30
want to make to you I've always wanted
00:41:32
to learn a different language and the
00:41:33
one language I want to learn and I'm
00:41:35
doing it through Babel is Portuguese
00:41:37
because I want to be able to talk to
00:41:38
Cristiano Ronaldo oh what do you think
00:41:40
you'd say to him if you did El Guapo or
00:41:42
something like that you're handsome and
00:41:44
you know sexual something sexual
00:41:45
something sexual um I've you know so
00:41:48
Babel is different than other um you
00:41:50
know language learning programs yeah it
00:41:52
very much so is they are they use a
00:41:54
method designed to get you speaking a
00:41:55
new language within weeks which which is
00:41:57
insane because most other ones take
00:41:59
months and months real talk like slang
00:42:01
and how normal people talk in that
00:42:03
particular language yes if you ever
00:42:05
worked in uh in a restaurant industry
00:42:07
and you're a young white dork like me
00:42:08
and you had Mexican men making fun of
00:42:10
you Babel would have helped me a lot
00:42:12
because I would have learned what what
00:42:13
all those slangs were yeah Babel does
00:42:15
help you teach you Street language and
00:42:16
also proper uh proper language uh words
00:42:20
and phrases to get you back running up
00:42:22
with whomever you're speaking with but
00:42:24
it gets really complex as well you I
00:42:25
mean you can like speak you know
00:42:27
to a politician as well by using Babel
00:42:31
it's not just Street [ __ ] no you no you
00:42:33
start you start with words and phrases
00:42:34
and then sentences gradually as they get
00:42:35
more complex uh then you can do
00:42:37
conversations it's they they get you
00:42:39
doing a daily 10 to 15 minute lesson so
00:42:41
that's super quick and easy uh over 10
00:42:44
million people have tried this so why
00:42:46
wouldn't you be another one these are
00:42:47
real language experts that have created
00:42:48
this program and algorithms so it's
00:42:50
pretty Flawless yep we Bob and I have uh
00:42:54
committed that he's going to learn P
00:42:55
Portuguese and I really want to learn
00:42:57
French just because I want I want to
00:42:59
have this accent I just I really like I
00:43:02
really like french bread and I figure
00:43:03
that adds up for me uh right now Babel
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is offering our listeners three three
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months for free with a purchase of a
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three month subscription so three months
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use the promo code bad friend on three
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Bob B Babble is b a BB L BB l.com use
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the promo code bad friends that's B A DF
00:43:26
r i n NS there you go Babble language
00:43:28
for Life keeps guess what Andrew I'm
00:43:31
losing my hair and I'm really going to
00:43:33
do this thing keeps yeah I've already
00:43:35
I've already used it I I've been losing
00:43:36
my hair since I was uh six I think six
00:43:38
or seven it started to fall out you were
00:43:39
telling me about it and I was like you
00:43:40
know I I want to start doing it too
00:43:42
because it's really working for you look
00:43:43
it's a bummer for dudes cuz our hair
00:43:45
falls out of our head chicks don't
00:43:46
really have to worry about that as much
00:43:47
as the dudes do uh we get in our 20s and
00:43:50
30s we start noticing hair loss almost
00:43:52
every dude on Earth unless you're you
00:43:53
know Brad Pit um and uh two out of three
00:43:56
guys are going to experience a form of
00:43:58
male pattern baldness and you used to
00:43:59
have to go to the doctor's office to get
00:44:00
something like this done no more those
00:44:03
days are those days are gone you can do
00:44:04
it online dude and it gets delivered to
00:44:06
your house they make it so easy uh they
00:44:08
deliver medication every 3 months you
00:44:10
can say goodbye to go into the pharmacy
00:44:11
and people are embarrassed about this
00:44:12
you shouldn't be most dudes have some
00:44:14
kind of hair thinning okay unless you're
00:44:16
Rob low and you know what I don't even
00:44:18
trust robow who knows what he uses so
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but probably never for this price not at
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find out why they have uh more five star
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100,000 men have trusted keeps these
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plans start at 10 bucks a month all
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that's definitely worth keeping your
00:44:42
hair we're all losing it me for sure my
00:44:45
thin red hair I like to keep it uh and
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it's worth your time you must try it out
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if you're ready to take action prevent
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your hair loss go to keeps.com badri to
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receive your first month of treatment
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for free that's keeps k ps.com bad
00:44:58
friends on the topic of being a good
00:45:00
uncle on your on your last episode Tito
00:45:03
Bobby you have described Rudy as an
00:45:06
ungrateful Mongol Feit Oak Tito Andrew
00:45:10
you have mocked Rudy's accent constantly
00:45:13
so why would any of you be a good uncle
00:45:15
for America Tito
00:45:18
Bobby like I said Okay the reason why I
00:45:21
put the boogers on her wall and I insult
00:45:22
her right is because I'm trying to
00:45:24
strengthen her because she does she is
00:45:26
not from this country right she is not
00:45:29
she is from the islands of the
00:45:31
Philippines it's taking money from China
00:45:33
and people from the Philippines just
00:45:35
know that that's his agenda she is in a
00:45:36
new land right and I am just trying to
00:45:39
um help her grow she's grown a human
00:45:43
being she's an adult grown human being
00:45:45
survive in this crazy world she knows
00:45:47
how right she doesn't need and she
00:45:49
doesn't need your disgustin and let me
00:45:50
tell you something and when you call her
00:45:51
o I never said that when you call her a
00:45:54
Fed o fake news you're a white person
00:45:57
fake fake for you to do that for you to
00:45:58
do that not blood related fake I'm blood
00:46:01
related no you're not yes no you're not
00:46:04
yes she is no you're not she's my
00:46:05
sister's [ __ ] daughter no I have a
00:46:08
sister named honey it's my daughter
00:46:09
that's not your sister she is you're not
00:46:11
Filipino I am Philipino no you're Korean
00:46:14
25% Filipino you're 112% Korean and the
00:46:18
extra 12 we can tell we all know where
00:46:20
that 12% you you are obvously white sir
00:46:23
for you to call a young Filipino lady a
00:46:26
island pan is o no I never said that you
00:46:28
were the one that says Mongol feet you
00:46:30
were the one that says racial epithets I
00:46:32
simply have you ever seen her climb a
00:46:33
tree no she can and
00:46:37
quickly the IE only tease her accent
00:46:41
because it's sweet and loving I've never
00:46:43
insulted her I've never called her names
00:46:45
like you have you call her um degenerate
00:46:48
brat you've called her the seword off
00:46:50
air I've seen it yeah yeah Catherine c
00:46:53
yeah I've called her Catherine but
00:46:54
Catherine in Filipino means something
00:46:55
else pal beautiful no it means the c
00:46:57
word it means [ __ ] yes yes he does this
00:47:01
and this is okay okay we we yes thank
00:47:03
you guys thank you let's try to keep it
00:47:06
civil we're
00:47:07
trying okay we have our next topic is
00:47:10
quality time oh Tito Bobby my expertise
00:47:14
you have complained about waking up to
00:47:16
go to see a satellite lunching or to go
00:47:19
fishing MH you decided to stay in the
00:47:22
pool while your family went hiking in
00:47:24
the Philippines and to stay in your
00:47:26
hotel dur yourent recent trip to Joshua
00:47:28
3 why would you say um to those who call
00:47:32
you lazy and that you want to spend time
00:47:35
it's really about um point of view and
00:47:37
perception mhm and um let me ask you
00:47:40
something all right when you hike when
00:47:43
one hikes anywhere in the world right
00:47:46
you you don't want to it doesn't want
00:47:48
you don't want it to take a week you
00:47:51
wanted to take a couple of hours right
00:47:54
if I went on the hike it would take
00:47:57
weeks for you to get through the hike
00:47:59
because I'm so slow like a sloth right
00:48:02
so I'm being mindful about their time
00:48:05
right I want to go to the hikes I look
00:48:08
them in the eyes I go may I go but you
00:48:10
don't go and they say Tito Bobby she
00:48:12
says Tito Bobby right you know I have
00:48:15
school next week right I have a life to
00:48:18
live you I mean I want to be able to get
00:48:20
through this hike today right so you can
00:48:24
watch you know what I mean your movies
00:48:26
in the hotel room room right and you can
00:48:28
go to the buffet in the morning right
00:48:30
the high class one right and have your
00:48:32
pastries right well I partake but thank
00:48:34
you so much for volunteering and this is
00:48:37
and this is what somebody says when they
00:48:39
don't have the best Tito someone like me
00:48:41
best Tito you've never taken anywhere
00:48:43
you've never taken her anywhere you know
00:48:45
why you know why you know why I've taken
00:48:47
her San Francisco Canada I can't take
00:48:49
her anywhere Canada New York Hawaii I
00:48:52
can't take her anywhere because because
00:48:54
you're because I'm a white male no and
00:48:57
if I'm seen around town with her in a
00:48:58
van they're going to think that's a
00:49:00
kidnapped kid yeah why do you a white
00:49:02
van why do you have a white van why is
00:49:04
it white yes so everyone can see where
00:49:06
I'm going all right I'm a great Tito and
00:49:09
I would love to take Rudy out to lunch
00:49:11
or somewhere nice I would always be on
00:49:13
time I would take her for a hike and I
00:49:15
would get the hike done on time a good
00:49:16
Tito you've never done it sir because
00:49:19
you're all talk because it's illegal
00:49:21
because it's illegal because it's
00:49:23
illegal you keep her caged up at your
00:49:25
house I'm the one that have at proof do
00:49:27
you have a to do you live in a cage kind
00:49:30
of kind of you live in a cage she lives
00:49:32
in a cage you heard it America you live
00:49:35
in a cage the Le CAG hon be honest you
00:49:38
live in a cage yep kind of uh all right
00:49:41
I love it next question okay but Tito
00:49:43
Andrew in on this topic of quality time
00:49:46
made me so [ __ ] mad just now it looks
00:49:48
mute him yeah Tito Andrew it looks like
00:49:51
you have some rage issues It's Not
00:49:54
Unusual to see your face go red I I mean
00:49:57
redder than usual your eyebrows like
00:50:01
palpitate and and you yell a lot you
00:50:04
know like so why would anyone want to
00:50:07
spend some quality time with
00:50:09
you here's why the only time that I get
00:50:12
upset and I get more red than I am is
00:50:14
simply when somebody disrespects my time
00:50:17
Andor space Tito Bobby the worst Tito in
00:50:21
the room never respects my time or my
00:50:24
space doesn't care about what I've got
00:50:25
scheduled or what I've got going on and
00:50:27
that's the only reason that I have anger
00:50:29
issues which by the way I'm in therapy
00:50:31
I've been in therapy for it for a long
00:50:32
time I'm working through it I'm I I have
00:50:34
multiple therapy therapists by the way
00:50:36
okay I am in therapy it's working I'm
00:50:39
struggling through it it's not easy but
00:50:41
I'll say this have I ever yelled at you
00:50:43
directly have I ever screamed at you I
00:50:45
have not I yell at someone that
00:50:47
disrespects me in my time and I am
00:50:48
therefore the best heard Andrew uh Tito
00:50:51
Andrew scream though yeah and do at whom
00:50:54
at whom Tito Bobby that's right do you
00:50:56
get affected by it it's scary sometimes
00:50:59
thank you so much it's called residual
00:51:02
no it's residual fear it's scary because
00:51:04
it's scary because you think I might
00:51:06
actually hurt Tito Bobby but he deserves
00:51:08
it it's funny it's funny my friend it's
00:51:10
funny my friend oh don't talk to me like
00:51:12
that I'm not your friend I've had so
00:51:13
many people call me and go how do you
00:51:15
work with that guy oh is that what they
00:51:17
say right you know what they say to me
00:51:18
so how do you work with that guy how do
00:51:21
you work with a man full of Rage
00:51:24
unreliable and anger and hostility dirty
00:51:27
and I say I can see through that thick
00:51:30
[ __ ] disgusting crust and
00:51:34
see a kind of a human and yours is so
00:51:36
thick I can't see through it that's who
00:51:37
you really are and you always result to
00:51:39
meanness ladies and gentlemen I am of
00:51:41
course the best Tito I am the best Tito
00:51:43
because I'm the one that have the actual
00:51:46
experience and the facts he's never
00:51:47
lived in our house he's never been a
00:51:49
Tito I'm the one I'm the one that's you
00:51:52
done it two I'm the one that's Tak her
00:51:54
to San Francisco I'm the one that takes
00:51:56
cabonara sauce oh San Francisco city in
00:51:59
the United States remember that Melrose
00:52:01
Melrose that restaurant that you really
00:52:03
liked I got you cabonara that night cut
00:52:05
his
00:52:06
mic okay final question the most
00:52:09
important of all you live in a cage huh
00:52:12
interesting a lot can be learned I got
00:52:15
[ __ ] cut out from how others judge
00:52:17
you so can you please take your phones
00:52:19
out and open your Uber app please tell
00:52:22
America what your rating
00:52:24
is okay okay what's your what's your
00:52:26
what's go ahead Tito Bob what's your
00:52:28
rating on Uber on
00:52:36
Uber what is it
00:52:39
488 488
00:52:43
yeah my Uber
00:52:46
rating
00:52:52
is
00:52:54
489 I swear it's 48 fine well that's
00:52:58
fine and there there you have it there I
00:53:01
have it okay now we have Rudy here to
00:53:04
decide who is the best Tito put your
00:53:08
phone
00:53:12
down oh sorry hold sorry I don't want to
00:53:14
interrupt this is real interesting I
00:53:16
think both of you just kept
00:53:21
screaming at each
00:53:23
other there weren't a lot of points
00:53:30
taken you have to choose one but I
00:53:35
think you have to choose one no I can't
00:53:38
you have to choose
00:53:39
one how are those sandals that you're
00:53:41
wearing the new ones they're comfortable
00:53:43
right you have to choose one or that
00:53:45
knife that remember that cool knife I
00:53:47
got you you have or that frame Dart
00:53:49
behind you you have to choose one this
00:53:51
is hard it doesn't matter you have to
00:53:52
choose one right
00:53:54
now the choice is clear
00:53:57
here do you want to sleep in your bed
00:54:04
tonight be honest just answer there's no
00:54:06
consequences okay I think Tito Andrew is
00:54:10
really nice and I'm very um grateful to
00:54:13
I know where this is going but I think
00:54:15
Tito Bobby
00:54:17
wins take off the shoes take off the
00:54:22
shoes best Tito well as you see there is
00:54:27
no I'm not far off cuz I'm the best
00:54:30
other
00:54:34
Tito I got a little hostile Che cheers
00:54:37
my friend cheers to the best Tito May
00:54:38
the best position I would love one okay
00:54:41
but you know what I want to do
00:54:43
Transportation uh how about how about
00:54:45
removal of people yeah yeah yeah removal
00:54:46
of people is fine yeah yeah yeah we got
00:54:47
to get rid of some people yeah that's
00:54:48
true that is true that is true hey I
00:54:52
appreciate the honesty you did a great
00:54:54
job
00:55:01
I'll tell you why it's mine's a 48 I
00:55:02
know why mine is the first time I ever
00:55:04
did Uber I didn't know how it worked
00:55:07
right and I didn't tip the person
00:55:09
through my app they don't but that's not
00:55:11
why they rated you low yeah really yeah
00:55:14
I got rated low low all of the first one
00:55:17
like a zero or something and I'm like
00:55:18
what I gave a friend you know how you I
00:55:20
called an Uber for a friend yeah and he
00:55:23
threw up in their car okay and Uber char
00:55:26
charges you a puke fee right yeah so the
00:55:28
next day he by the way who a friend it's
00:55:31
it's a guy from back he doesn't tell me
00:55:34
I don't he doesn't tell me that he threw
00:55:36
up yeah I think he took the Uber home
00:55:38
and he was fine right I called him the
00:55:39
Uber because we were still staying
00:55:41
out well I get a charge on my $100 and
00:55:44
it says damage to vehicle so I contact
00:55:47
Uber I said damage to vehicle because I
00:55:49
had taken an Uber later and I was like
00:55:51
how I took one to the airport what did I
00:55:53
do to the car this is a lie that guy's a
00:55:54
liar yeah and he goes yeah well there's
00:55:57
throw up in the car and it's a cleanup
00:55:58
fee it's a mandatory fee that we charge
00:55:59
you automatically and I said I never
00:56:01
threw up in the car finally it clicks I
00:56:03
call my buddy I'm like you throw up in
00:56:05
the car he's like yeah dude I'll venmo
00:56:06
you and I was like why wouldn't you tell
00:56:08
me and he was like I I just I figured is
00:56:10
that a game changer for you with that
00:56:11
friendship we're not friends anymore no
00:56:13
being real we're not friends anymore
00:56:14
because of that event yeah yeah you
00:56:16
threw up and you didn't tell me that's
00:56:17
so lame why would you just be like my
00:56:18
bad I forgiveness no not today it ruined
00:56:22
my rating I had such you got to be real
00:56:24
see I no be real I was in the 49 no you
00:56:27
you I swear to God in my life real story
00:56:29
you're literally not friends with we
00:56:30
don't talk right don't throw up and not
00:56:33
tell me that's so [ __ ] up cuz what if
00:56:34
I that why that's not it's not money
00:56:36
it's just like that's not that's not
00:56:37
cool so then I got a bad rating I
00:56:40
contacted the driver personally through
00:56:42
Uber in the email and I was like hey man
00:56:44
that was my friend this isn't me so
00:56:46
please can you change my rating he's
00:56:47
like no you can't change the rating once
00:56:49
it's ch once I already gave you a star
00:56:51
it doesn't matter yeah it's so fun and
00:56:53
and then he wrote an email don't let
00:56:54
your friends use your Uber that's what
00:56:56
he said said I was being nice and I gave
00:56:58
someone a ride because they they were
00:57:00
like oh I don't have Uber on my phone so
00:57:02
I gave him a u when a friend does
00:57:04
something right that's a little weird to
00:57:07
me like really weird like that no there
00:57:09
like I I it completely ruins the
00:57:11
friendship like I went out to eat with a
00:57:14
friend of mine and I said it's my tree
00:57:18
right yeah he said cool and then he ate
00:57:20
half a salad what yeah he ate half of a
00:57:24
salad and he tells the waiter he goes
00:57:25
don't charge me for that it was
00:57:27
terrible no yeah you ate it you pay yeah
00:57:31
but I looked at him and I went dude
00:57:32
don't worry about it I'm paying for it
00:57:33
he's like no no no dude don't you can't
00:57:36
you can't you can't pay for that that's
00:57:38
and it made a stink of it and I just
00:57:40
thought to myself oh we're done yeah
00:57:43
that's a cheap guy I can't do it how
00:57:44
much was the salad 10 bu what could have
00:57:46
what it could have been yeah it was just
00:57:47
the act of it that's what I'm saying
00:57:48
like how cheap I don't like it have you
00:57:51
lost friends like that from a bunch from
00:57:52
others a lot of other stuff what else
00:57:56
I'm trying to become friends with this
00:57:58
guy again right because I feel guilty
00:58:01
about it but he does one thing that
00:58:03
really bothers me what is it he because
00:58:06
we were kids we grew up together right
00:58:08
so he does this thing where he touches
00:58:10
me and run away what like a CH like a
00:58:13
child playing tag yeah and then I have
00:58:15
to touch him and I run away right well
00:58:17
you participate I know but it doesn't
00:58:19
matter it's like if I if I don't like if
00:58:21
he touches me right and he runs away and
00:58:24
I don't chase after him he will touch me
00:58:25
again
00:58:27
again until you chase him until I chase
00:58:30
him so then eventually it'll get to a
00:58:31
point where I oh [ __ ] you know it's
00:58:33
always after dinner when does it end it
00:58:36
just goes back and forth and then in my
00:58:37
mind I got to win right so him and I
00:58:39
just running around in a [ __ ] Park
00:58:41
I'm in my 40s running around a parking
00:58:44
lot he's hiding behind a [ __ ]
00:58:45
dumpster he climbs the [ __ ] fence and
00:58:47
I tag his shoe then I run the other way
00:58:49
and he chases me it's a [ __ ]
00:58:51
nightmare this sounds like you're just
00:58:53
upset because you don't win no no it
00:58:55
it's it's like I don't want to do this
00:58:57
game anymore but you do cuz you
00:58:58
participate so stop it's because he
00:59:00
touches me first so you do want to play
00:59:02
the game I don't want to play it I just
00:59:03
don't I need the last touch so don't
00:59:05
touch me at all so you do play the game
00:59:07
if he starts it he starts it every
00:59:09
[ __ ]
00:59:10
time he starts the game every [ __ ]
00:59:12
time but you don't you just don't you
00:59:13
just don't want to lose that's what it
00:59:14
is once he touches me the game is on
00:59:18
right but if he didn't touch me it's
00:59:21
it's shaking hands is one thing but
00:59:22
that's not how he goes he'll go and
00:59:24
he'll run he'll hit you a little bit
00:59:25
yeah that right like it's starting it's
00:59:28
we're starting now right and I want to
00:59:30
go I'm on TV I don't do that anymore
00:59:32
yeah you do yeah but I still do how old
00:59:34
is he same age yeah I grew up together
00:59:36
two guys almost 50 to playing tag 50
00:59:38
playing tag you know can I tell you
00:59:39
something yeah something sweet about
00:59:40
that it's something gay about it too why
00:59:43
do you guys kiss at the
00:59:45
end is that how you know who wins no no
00:59:48
but do you understand how that would
00:59:49
bother one I guess but like I have
00:59:51
friends from that I grew up with that
00:59:52
you have that old game that you play
00:59:55
yeah yeah I still I I have a photo I can
00:59:57
show you that when we were in I ha hang
00:59:59
out with old friends and then they say
01:00:00
something like you know remember Martin
01:00:02
qu you're like what and when you're 12
01:00:06
you know what I mean you know what I
01:00:07
mean like somebody threw a rock on your
01:00:09
shoulder you cried yeah but it's like an
01:00:11
experience yeah it's like yeah I
01:00:12
remember martiny who gives a [ __ ] and
01:00:14
they're like wasn't that crazy yeah it
01:00:15
was crazy it's like 30 years ago 30
01:00:17
years I don't give a [ __ ] I have a
01:00:18
friend that I always hit in the nuts we
01:00:19
have we always hit each other in the
01:00:21
nuts yeah don't you you hate it right I
01:00:22
do but but I choke him I always choke
01:00:24
him right really love it I get behind
01:00:27
him I I I like choke him from behind
01:00:28
like if he's at a if we're like walking
01:00:30
to another bar or restaurant I'll always
01:00:31
sneak up behind him and I'll and I'll
01:00:33
put him in a choke do you like old that
01:00:35
old [ __ ] though or no it feels good when
01:00:37
I can choke him cuz you can't do that to
01:00:38
adult other adults now and that's only
01:00:40
with friends that you grow up with you
01:00:41
can't do that to new new friends and
01:00:43
I'll tell you another that kind of
01:00:44
bothered me I'm going to do it that
01:00:46
remember that band that kicked me out
01:00:47
yeah they're going back together Laxton
01:00:49
yeah Laxton Supreme is making a [ __ ]
01:00:51
comeback yeah why don't we make a band
01:00:53
and compete with no they invited to be
01:00:54
back can I go but I'm thinking are you
01:00:57
using my you know notoriety to no they
01:01:00
would never maybe not huh I do it no of
01:01:04
course they using your notoriety you
01:01:05
bozo head I'll do it huh no are they
01:01:09
cool still yeah do you talk to any of
01:01:11
them yeah have you been keeping up with
01:01:13
all of them no
01:01:14
no but they text me why don't we form a
01:01:17
why don't you and I form a band what
01:01:18
kind of music though the bad friends
01:01:20
band Rudy can you play anything no she
01:01:22
can sing I've seen you sing will you
01:01:24
sing a little something for us
01:01:27
I can't I can't here here's here can I
01:01:30
say something here's the deal you either
01:01:31
sing or you're off the show forever yeah
01:01:34
all right so um she was she had the
01:01:37
audition for some sort of school look at
01:01:39
her school school play all right so oh
01:01:42
rude what was the
01:01:44
play um something rotten right yeah oh
01:01:48
so the whole family it was like
01:01:50
Christmas or something the whole family
01:01:51
was in the house we're talking about why
01:01:53
you laughing about [ __ ]
01:01:56
20 people right and somebody mentions
01:01:59
Jules you have that audition coming up
01:02:01
she's like what no what and we're like
01:02:04
yeah do it yeah sing the song and then
01:02:08
we all kind of gather together on the
01:02:09
couch so mean I know and she walks in
01:02:11
front of
01:02:13
everybody she starts singing and then
01:02:15
halfway during it just her eyes bulge
01:02:18
out she just she's committing to the
01:02:20
song tears coming down her eyes shaking
01:02:26
[Music]
01:02:32
why are you crying Jules I don't know I
01:02:34
just cried wait were you emotionally
01:02:36
hurt or upset no I don't are you upset
01:02:39
now no oh what's the song what is it uh
01:02:43
Lumineers by no the band is The
01:02:46
Lumineers yeah yeah Lumineers and you
01:02:48
sing it now yeah you sing it now no yeah
01:02:51
you sing it now you what's the song
01:02:54
what's the name of the song before if
01:02:56
you sing it together yeah we will
01:02:58
together what's it called ail is the one
01:03:01
that goes uh uh girl dead SE Dead Sea
01:03:05
okay well yeah you you have to sing the
01:03:08
okay we how about we'll play
01:03:10
the wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
01:03:12
you do first I do second she does third
01:03:14
verse you ready start from the top
01:03:16
ready I headed west I was a man on the
01:03:22
move you're next I thought you were you
01:03:24
reading the whole thing you reading the
01:03:25
whole fck thing right so it goes I had a
01:03:28
w i was the man move New York had lied
01:03:30
to me I need sing it just sing oh I
01:03:32
needed someone needed someone I could is
01:03:34
that the same thing yes I don't gamble
01:03:36
but I do bet on us something yeah you're
01:03:38
perfect I headed west I was the man on
01:03:41
the
01:03:42
Move New York had lied to me I needed
01:03:46
the
01:03:47
truth oh I needed something someone I
01:03:50
could trust I don't gamble but if I did
01:03:54
I would better
01:03:56
was like the Dead Sea told me I was dead
01:03:59
like the Dead
01:04:00
[Laughter]
01:04:04
Sea you'll never sink when you are with
01:04:08
me oh Lord yeah oh Lord like the Dead
01:04:14
Sea yeah
01:04:18
yeah okay I'm like the Dead Sea the
01:04:23
finest words you ever said to me me
01:04:27
honey can't you see I was born to be be
01:04:31
your dead SE wow we're making a band
01:04:36
that hard is we're making a band it's
01:04:37
not hard that was so good you about to
01:04:40
cry again no but my throat is very
01:04:45
tight that's our band name my Thro my
01:04:47
throat is very tight yeah yeah Rudy
01:04:50
you're really good yeah you want to do
01:04:52
the whole thing or please please it was
01:04:54
so good yeah you told me you were good
01:04:57
at running away domestic life it never
01:05:01
sued you sued you like
01:05:04
Sue I don't know the to you left with
01:05:07
just the clothes on your
01:05:09
back you look the N when you took the
01:05:13
map yes there are times we live for
01:05:18
somebody
01:05:20
else your father died and you decided I
01:05:24
think she's out I think she's out okay I
01:05:26
think she's out oh then you're out of
01:05:27
the band yeah cuz we're trying our best
01:05:29
here to make a band but here here's the
01:05:30
thing rude um Jew uh Julie is is that
01:05:33
you know you Sayang it in front of the
01:05:35
house in front of you know 10 people you
01:05:38
just Sayang it in front of just now well
01:05:41
how many people are listening hundreds
01:05:43
of thousands hundreds of thousands of
01:05:44
people yeah yeah what's is now can you
01:05:47
do it in Christmas you think this
01:05:48
Christmas do you can which you did it
01:05:52
was so heartbreaking it was
01:05:56
oh when she oh I was going to say the
01:05:57
song was she had to be whisked away you
01:05:59
know how they do that come here sweetie
01:06:01
and the girls whisk them away into her
01:06:02
room and I'm like smoking
01:06:04
giggling went yeah yeah like you what I
01:06:08
mean it should have been Steve Harvey at
01:06:09
the Apollo where they pull the cane you
01:06:10
know when she's he's like get your ass
01:06:13
off stage and they just pull her back so
01:06:16
we're forming a band that's it you guys
01:06:18
comment below on what you want the band
01:06:19
to be called cuz we're starting a band
01:06:21
The Bad friend's band you're not going
01:06:22
back to Laxton we're starting a new band
01:06:24
have you have you watched the comedy
01:06:25
Central documentary about The Comedy
01:06:27
Store Showtime documentary about The
01:06:28
Comedy Store what I have is it good yeah
01:06:31
yeah it's pretty powerful they did some
01:06:33
great stuff I I I smoked smoke smoke I
01:06:36
spoke to Mike binder today about it who
01:06:37
created it literally what' he say I mean
01:06:40
you know it's just we kind of went into
01:06:41
the depths of like it was wild about how
01:06:43
Sam Kennison really died for young
01:06:45
people that don't know who Sam Kennon
01:06:46
was or or you do if you're a comedy fan
01:06:48
it's it's a it's a sham well look no no
01:06:49
no I shouldn't say young some people
01:06:51
don't know some people are are are older
01:06:53
and don't know who he was but Kennison
01:06:56
had died I heard two different version
01:06:57
of the story and I told Mike this today
01:06:59
I said you know I had heard two version
01:07:01
of the story that Kennison had gotten
01:07:03
clean and was going to do the gig in
01:07:04
laughland
01:07:05
Nevada um and spoiler alert he dies he
01:07:08
got hit he they he tried to pass a a
01:07:11
truck in an 18wheeler and he got smoked
01:07:13
head on and he died and his wife lived
01:07:16
uh car laau was there okay so car leau
01:07:18
tells the story in the documentary which
01:07:20
I highly recommend and I'm not blowing
01:07:22
anything because it's known that
01:07:23
Kennison died with Carl but Carl's
01:07:25
perspective was interesting because that
01:07:27
he told kind of the opposite which was
01:07:29
no he was still getting [ __ ] up he was
01:07:31
still using Coke heavily still drinking
01:07:33
still being
01:07:34
irresponsible um and car tells the
01:07:36
moment that Kennison died in his arms
01:07:39
yeah and I got to tell you it's on the
01:07:41
documentary and I highly suggest
01:07:43
watching it it's it's extremely powerful
01:07:46
because it's simple he's telling it you
01:07:48
can tell he's not hyperbolizing the
01:07:49
story there's no lies you can tell he's
01:07:51
saying it like literally what happened
01:07:53
he was looking away from him he said his
01:07:55
eyes looked like they were at the sky
01:07:56
and they kept saying you're going to be
01:07:57
okay buddy you're not you're you're not
01:07:58
going to die cuz he kept saying I don't
01:08:00
want to die right now yeah and he said
01:08:03
what are you talking you're not going to
01:08:04
die and he goes I realized he wasn't
01:08:06
talking to me he was looking straight up
01:08:08
in the sky oh my God and he was talking
01:08:10
to somebody else oh my God and he
01:08:11
reiterated the way he says it and he
01:08:13
said when he snapped back into reality
01:08:14
he could hear cars and ambulances and
01:08:16
his wife crying and he said it took a
01:08:19
lot for me to forgive him but the thing
01:08:22
I never knew what Caro told me or told
01:08:24
us was yes he was still getting [ __ ]
01:08:26
up he wasn't sober he hadn't reached
01:08:28
that point which was a lie publicly
01:08:30
people thought he was and also carbo's
01:08:33
daughter yeah that's the most
01:08:35
Shakespearean well can I finish it for
01:08:37
the
01:08:38
fans yeah but I just want can I just
01:08:41
throw in my yeah but let it's
01:08:42
Shakespearean let this let this go real
01:08:44
quick I Caro's daughter turned out not
01:08:47
to be his daughter it was Sam kenneson
01:08:48
his best friend was sleeping with his
01:08:50
wife on drugs she got pregnant had the
01:08:52
kid they never were able to talk about
01:08:54
it so imagine imagine your friend
01:08:57
imagine imagine I knock up
01:08:59
Kila I would know how the baby comes out
01:09:02
all redheaded and freaky looking oh you
01:09:04
don't think you could have a redheaded
01:09:05
baby yeah it's going to have [ __ ]
01:09:07
bushy eyebrows and angry it's going to
01:09:09
cry like that imagine a redheaded
01:09:11
Filipino kid how bad would he get beat
01:09:14
up if I sawell red hair on that baby I
01:09:17
might go to prison why for killing the
01:09:19
baby I might throw it across the street
01:09:21
yeah but they're resilient they can
01:09:22
bounce redheaded babies can bounce you
01:09:24
think we haven't thrown out a Windows
01:09:25
would be it would be devastating I I'm
01:09:27
going to tell you this right now if I
01:09:30
had a baby and it came out with a little
01:09:32
red head and I asked Kila is that Andrew
01:09:35
baby and she said yeah right you I would
01:09:38
literally probably May kill you why it
01:09:40
would be such it would be great for the
01:09:41
show all right the numbers are good the
01:09:43
numbers are
01:09:46
good no because Carl see Carl you know
01:09:49
when I came to The Comedy Store him and
01:09:51
I became instant friends yeah I've heard
01:09:53
he's a good dude yeah in fact um he used
01:09:55
to like him and his at the time he was
01:09:57
dating this a an ex- waitress from The
01:10:00
Comedy Store yeah and they would invite
01:10:02
me to his house I was like kind of like
01:10:03
an open micer almost yeah like today
01:10:05
they would make food right and then when
01:10:07
I made some money I helped to get his
01:10:08
teeth fixed oh really yeah why cuz he
01:10:11
had messed up teeth one day he was
01:10:13
talking and it smell like [ __ ] and I
01:10:15
said
01:10:18
um so mean it just smelled like pure dog
01:10:22
[ __ ] like that's so mean Bob it didn't
01:10:23
smell good he had rotting teeth yeah and
01:10:26
I go oh man what the [ __ ] is that
01:10:29
[ __ ] did you eat [ __ ] for lunch yeah and
01:10:31
he goes no man I just have hole this
01:10:34
hole and it hurts so bad and he goes I
01:10:36
you know I asked Roseanne for some money
01:10:39
and she wouldn't give me any for my
01:10:40
teeth she's like how much yeah how much
01:10:42
is it and he's like 2500 bucks or and he
01:10:45
paid me back but I gave him the money
01:10:47
that's amazing because I love him so
01:10:48
much that so nice do that one of my
01:10:50
Idols yeah in fact you know um Sabrina
01:10:54
one of Sam kennon's um his wife well
01:10:57
yeah right she one day this actually
01:11:01
happened cuz she knows I was a big Sam
01:11:03
kenneson fan and she go she comes to me
01:11:06
and I was like I think I just got on
01:11:08
Matt TV or something and she goes she
01:11:11
gives me a plastic
01:11:12
bag and I open it up and it's just
01:11:16
gigantic
01:11:18
stinky shirt with a cut down here like
01:11:22
this open I go what is it she's like
01:11:24
this is
01:11:25
the Sam's favorite shirt that he used to
01:11:28
perform in I never watched it wow and I
01:11:31
had it on today I found it today you
01:11:35
need to frame that I found it today
01:11:37
right and I tried it on looked in the
01:11:38
mirror it's so big on me right and I um
01:11:42
yeah but it's
01:11:43
ironic coincidental that you brought
01:11:45
that up yeah that you wore a Kennison
01:11:47
shirt today yeah Bobby I'm being genuine
01:11:49
when I say this I'll buy you a frame but
01:11:52
you must frame that I'm going to frame
01:11:54
it because that's the thing that'll just
01:11:55
get lost on accident you're right that's
01:11:57
like that's it's not like the rooster
01:11:59
those can go yeah yeah yeah you know
01:12:01
what I mean like that's a thing that I
01:12:02
like George car gave me that he's dead
01:12:05
you get another one yeah no it's really
01:12:07
special and um but people should watch
01:12:09
the showtime documentary it's about The
01:12:10
Comedy Store if you care I know people
01:12:11
sometimes are like we've already heard
01:12:13
about it's like look this is beautiful
01:12:15
insight and it's Leno Letterman uh uh
01:12:17
Jim Carrey uh uh uh Burr but Paulie
01:12:20
yelled at me because appar apparently he
01:12:23
said that I said in the documentary that
01:12:25
the green wound smelled like his mom's
01:12:28
[ __ ] did it I don't know but I don't
01:12:30
know remember did I say that on the
01:12:32
documentary I don't think I don't
01:12:33
remember that that's what he told me
01:12:35
that I said and he yelled at
01:12:37
me I don't remember that dude was I in
01:12:39
it you you are in it okay yeah they said
01:12:42
it said Resident noodle that's what the
01:12:44
tag said all right that's enough stop it
01:12:46
that's crazy JK thank you for being a
01:12:48
bad
01:12:50
friend
01:12:53
W yeah
01:12:55
[Music]
01:13:00
woo
01:13:02
[Music]
01:13:05
wo
01:13:11
woo
01:13:16
wo
01:13:18
wo
01:13:21
yeah
01:13:23
woo yeah a
