00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're
00:00:10
bad friends you use those you use those I tried the one yeah Tom and I did a long time ago Tom and I did a episode
00:00:17
where we went to a sex store and we got a bunch of sex toys and we tried them out and uh I'll tell you there's one
00:00:23
it's called the it's called The Man wand oh don't look at me oh I know Harry
00:00:29
Potter uses it that's it that's it that's it that's it right there that thing dude that thing
00:00:36
that thing is better than any Chick you'll ever meet any dude you'll ever meet but anyway yeah and you know now
00:00:43
girls come over to my house and I I have it out on the table I don't care oh yeah I I don't hide I I would be insufferable
00:00:50
as a boyfriend like if Leanne passed away and I started dating there's well just divorce could have been a thing no
00:00:56
not divorce yeah why go why go to death there's no plan on us getting divorced if she died that's the only reason I'd
00:01:02
start dating other people really that's the only way we're never going to get divorced what if she goes um I'm kill
00:01:08
her wait let me finish all right so I'm I'm gonna make a drink hey B this is
00:01:13
already stressing me out yeah so B I just want to let you know we you're not doing a good accent hey hey B there you
00:01:21
go there you hi hey b hey b hey b um yeah we have wonderful kids
00:01:29
we wonderful for kids and you know you give me a great life right but I'm going to tell you right now man I'm into the
00:01:34
ladies and I just think that right now thatd be cool I go keep dating ladies we're going to stay married but then that gives you the
00:01:41
green light to go with to other dude uh girls no I probably what whatever you want okay I discussed I discussed this
00:01:47
it's not Frum it's not Frum Frum slip okay go ahead this is why like I was
00:01:53
just talking to someone about this the other day might have been my daughter's my daughter's that's my body
00:01:59
count the other day what is your body count six this year no my whole life holy six
00:02:08
your whole life yeah my whole life oh my you're like a Christian dude you're you're like a
00:02:14
Mormon or something this is insane I don't know who I was just telling this to but like I I definitely the problem
00:02:20
is I was just B I was I was not the first time I did it it was really bad who was I just telling this to and I it
00:02:27
was really bad and so after that like just I I didn't perform well I came fast I my dick wasn't even her inner it was
00:02:33
between her butt cheek and the bed and then it was like it was such a nightmare that I was so like I remember getting into the bathroom after it was done
00:02:40
looking in the mirror and so it was so humiliating and then even like my next two times were so still just not wasn't
00:02:46
good at it and I thought I'd be good at it it's like saying like it's like it's like being like you're good you're good
00:02:52
no I'm now I've gotten better yeah yeah but I was not are you sure I'm sure no
00:02:57
because that's what Leanne says no no no no now I'm good yeah but Leanne could be lying to you you could oh she probably
00:03:04
is then you're not good no yeah maybe I'm not yeah yeah I'm telling you you're not good it's a reason like people that don't I want to say you're not good
00:03:10
people that don't sing karaoke sing karaoke for a reason yeah so I don't [ __ ] other people for the same reason
00:03:16
people don't sing karaoke do you lock eyes dude I was okay tell me about that I like I I didn't even talk during sex
00:03:23
like I was silent like Helen Keller you'd moan like her I G I'd freak
00:03:29
out just and then someone would come and go that's not good bread bread bu the a
00:03:36
bouncing off my hand Helen yeah wow you know I want to Lear there should be a statistic right and I I don't know if
00:03:43
this is a fact I don't think they have a statistic for this but I believe that for fat asian guys in America right I
00:03:51
think I have the biggest body count oh what's your body count I can't tell you what what are you talking about when did
00:03:57
you start keeping secrets in your open [ __ ] books Bobby okay I
00:04:03
don't I I I don't know like I literally don't know you had to Ballpark it like
00:04:08
let's just ballpark it in Asian countries okay are you China where it's like so big can't wrap your head around
00:04:13
it no no no okay are you are you Japan you're just well you can't compare it with a Chinese guy in China because it's
00:04:19
like I I feel like it's easier what do you mean oh like if I was a Chinese guy in China it'd be easier to get girls my
00:04:26
point is is but coming to America being a fat asian guy and getting white chicks and Mexican all this hard it's
00:04:33
challenged and I feel like I have the highest body count I think it's easier when you pay though wait are you talking about your
00:04:39
body you know what I'm I'm trying to come here with positivity dude right and that you're little jokes dude right I'm
00:04:45
going to let them slide today I wish I had paid for sex you've never done it no okay I wish I had I look back and I go
00:04:52
I'm bummed I never did uh I don't know it's better to have you know when you get free roaming was the same reason
00:04:58
what free roaming you know what I mean like in the wild yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's the CH
00:05:04
it's more challenging it's like you know P for sex is like you know killing a cow at a
00:05:09
barn you know what I mean like he's enclosed and trapped it's easier yeah obviously yeah I mean I don't know if
00:05:15
there's cows in the wild I think I I to say I think the analogy is shooting fish in a barrel not killing cow oh really
00:05:23
yeah yeah I think you can't just app that to any [ __ ] I try to come with my own analogy it's like hunting horses all
00:05:29
you need a gun all right is that oh yeah fish in the barrel fish in the barrel yeah yeah
00:05:35
I wish I had had paper SE the same reason that I'm glad I went skydiving like I'd never do it again but I'm glad
00:05:41
I had the experience once to go SK I would never do that you would never go skydiving bungee jumping I would do it
00:05:47
with Henry caval oh Superman yeah I think his name's cavil whatever and I I want to
00:05:54
say this too I'm going to be controversial right now oh I'd love to hear this yeah yeah but not only I think
00:05:59
he's the best Superman of all time oh I don't care I there's no way to
00:06:05
argue it there's no way to argue Henry caval who's better benle is better than Henry Cavell he's Batman oh oh you're
00:06:14
right right yeah yeah he's Batman he's yeah yeah yeah I mean wait was Henry caval Superman when Ben Affleck was Batman yeah they fought okay Henry caval
00:06:21
is the best Superman they F other that was my favorite Superman what when they fought against each other when they fought against each other that was too
00:06:27
long and convoluted and then Wonder Woman showed up and Aquaman was sitting in the Aquaman was not in that was in
00:06:32
the Justice League Aquaman and the flesh were not in that movie cuz I just rewatched them in [ __ ] in Montana
00:06:39
because I had nothing to do I watched all I went I went from Christopher Reeves all the way through okay pull up
00:06:45
all the Superman real quick all right so what I'm I I honestly believe I can rank them and let's just do film I don't want
00:06:51
to do TV Nick Cage was Superman there was he was supposed to be oh okay and in one of the Superman movies he was in it
00:06:57
or something right he and the Flash they do a little a little Montage at the end where they showed him right you know
00:07:03
multi like Multiverse kind of a but um so I think that it goes Henry caval then
00:07:09
it goes to Christopher Reeves then it goes Brandon Ruth oh I would I would put
00:07:15
Kirk Allen in there you don't know Kirk Allen no no George Rees of course George Reeves I mean George Reeves George Rees
00:07:20
George Reeves is the one I remember the most oh that's the old school 51s Dean Kane Dean Kane looks like a kind of guy
00:07:25
that votes Republican now doesn't he yeah yeah like he's got some real
00:07:31
actually look at him yeah yeah but um what do you think I think I I heav Cav
00:07:36
best Batman no what's your best best Batman my best Batman yeah benle I'm a big benle fan the only reason I ever get
00:07:41
sober if benle called and said he want to be my SP sponsor you met him no I've never met him I'd love that guy wait
00:07:47
wait wait you would get silver only if Ben Affleck asked you to he if he called me up right now and he was like yo is Ben Fleck I would love uh to be your
00:07:54
sponsor get you into sobriety I'd be like [ __ ] yes okay let me throw some how about um Anthony Hopkins no for for
00:08:01
being sober or for Batman yeah Anthony Hopkins would be a bad all right what about um so no I'm G um Brad Pit no he's
00:08:11
the only one benck I think I I get him I get his I feel like I feel like I I like
00:08:17
him I like him you know you know why why he doesn't hide his emotions right and I don't when he's walking out of the
00:08:23
[ __ ] limos with uh with JLo normally as a guy we would be like all right there's going to be people there
00:08:30
smile yeah he's just so Dr Drum like I hate it I don't care what people I don't care what people think and he's smart as
00:08:37
[ __ ] smart so smart dude I saw him on um um um Bill Mah's uh what's it called the
00:08:44
real time real time and he [ __ ] lit that dude up yeah about the yeah him and Matt Damon are two of the smarter dudes
00:08:50
that movie stars smart they're so smart they are they we don't have that we don't even I mean like Rogan's smart
00:08:56
like that like he could Rogan and bur the two guys are could Vis R somebody in like a conversation who are the dumbest
00:09:03
me and you well by far by far by stop okay
00:09:09
let's talk about Gaza I don't know well I don't know where it is but my point is it's got to
00:09:14
be it's got to be near Israel got to be can I tell you I I really believe that Gaza is like uh is like is like Sunset
00:09:22
Boulevard yeah like it's a road yeah is Gaza a road yeah it is right what do you
00:09:28
guys don't know either do you it's a strip it doesn't have roades anymore wait is it a strip like is it like the Vegas Strip did people like for the
00:09:35
bachelorette party they go to the Gaza Strip I don't follow any of it yeah yeah
00:09:41
I remember the first time Andrew brought up Gaza I didn't know where it was so he goes what do you think of Gaza you know what I said to him I go AAG and he goes
00:09:49
what do you mean he goes I go that's backwards that Gaza backwards right that's all I could that's all I know wait don't don't don't breing this I
00:09:55
don't want to talk about this so but here's here I'm just Pro we are the two dumbest comedian no no there are other I
00:10:02
I can I can throw Theo Theo all of a sudden got smart I don't know when the [ __ ] that happened but he doesn't if you watch his interviews he doesn't he
00:10:08
pretends to be you mean yeah man you know I mean you can't say yeah man after someone say someone's smart how would
00:10:15
you have interviewed Donald Trump I I that's a that's a weird approach I don't know when I saw him
00:10:22
done it I wouldn't have done it I don't think I would have done I got invited to the National Republican convention and
00:10:28
uh I wanted to go just to get [ __ ] wasted and just have fun and my wife wouldn't let me go she's like you will
00:10:33
get caught into some conversation like Billy Bush and be like yeah grabing the [ __ ] yeah I just you know I hate that
00:10:40
we're like that in this country I thought you talking about we're still talking about me and you me and you were like that if you go to the [ __ ]
00:10:46
National Republican conf conf conversation conversations conversation no but here's the thing is right I no no
00:10:53
I could shut my mouth bull yeah I can shut my mouth I can shut my mouth I know how to my mouth
00:11:00
oh you think that I'm when I go on the set of Sex in the City and I'm with Sarah Jessica Parker that I start moing
00:11:06
out about [ __ ] you know what I mean like what kind of vge do you have I would never do that no I I I I say to
00:11:12
myself shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up do you know the smart
00:11:17
people don't have that inner dialogue where they go shut the [ __ ] up don't speak don't speak don't speak it's dumb
00:11:23
it's not that we're dumb we we just don't have that little thing in our brain oh yeah I don't but that's not being dumb do you know every be in the
00:11:29
par Olympics not the Special Olympics I take that yeah and the par
00:11:34
Olympics is just people that are like physically there's something you know going on right but our minds are normal
00:11:40
can I tell you the only thing I drew from the par Olympics do you know the reporters are par reporters oh they're G
00:11:46
too far no it's par reporters other reporters don't have arms either yeah did you know that no I've been watching
00:11:52
the par Olympics really that's insane no no it's it's it's appropriation if they have like Bryant Gumball doing all you
00:11:58
have to do is this um are you parabolic too as a reporter I'd be like yeah man what's
00:12:03
up you can't ask someone what their illness is oh really that's uh oh then you then you can go yeah my toes are
00:12:10
missing yeah if you go like so wait what's your thing you can't you got to go I choose not to tell you really in
00:12:15
you're invading my body oh that's cool so then anyone can be a reporter at the Paralympics technically yeah yeah just
00:12:21
lie yeah yeah yeah that's bump into a wall is it Special Olympics same thing with Special Olympics I don't think so
00:12:29
this is this is where my brain's going shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up that's
00:12:34
so interesting I didn't know that huh yeah um but it's like um don't you think that's gone too far now but no because
00:12:40
that's that's the whole thing is that the listen let's be honest if you're
00:12:46
watching if you're watching the [ __ ] 100 the 100 Sprints and Noah wy's there
00:12:51
and they got a guy with no legs doing the interview you're going like this is awkward this is really couldn't you guys
00:12:56
have thought about if a guy's like hey you ran really fast and know like yeah to you I run run really fast
00:13:03
you but like to everyone else I'm just really fast to you I'm like mind blowing yeah yeah yeah are there um reporters
00:13:10
that have limbs missing in the regular Olympics interviewing no why would they
00:13:15
that's that's that's not fair no it's not okay it's not fair that's why they give them the jobs for the Paro Olympics because here's the deal you are GNA if
00:13:21
they show a guy with no arm uh interviewing an ice skater you are not gonna listen to the interview they're you're gonna go what happened to his arm
00:13:28
especially when his little shirt flat moves and it's gon to distract you and I'm just telling you I'm being real
00:13:33
that's why they you know it's losing an arm it depends on where you lose it dud they just let women on the sidelines to
00:13:38
interview football players like when do you think they're going to like it's a [ __ ] can you imagine would you rather
00:13:44
have your arm miss here oh [ __ ] yeah or right here dude it's a it's a game changer I I've known a lot of guys
00:13:50
without arms I I don't want it here I know so many because you have that little piece sticking out like that I don't like that no no well you know
00:13:55
that's not why you don't want it why I just don't want a little you know little thing sticking out like this
00:14:01
right I would do it here that's not why that's not why you don't want it why why why cuz this is a lot more usable this
00:14:08
thing oh this part you want the more of the limb you can salvage the better so what's the worst here this is the
00:14:14
easiest it's that's the best if you just lose your hand that's the best okay or okay oh my God I I don't want to see
00:14:21
photo I we can imagine it yeah yeah yeah we here Bobby it's this right it's this
00:14:28
yeah yeah yeah so yeah you say this is the best situation yes this right here is second best second best and then here
00:14:36
if you lose it here you're it's tough It's really tough but a lot of dudes what so I know I know probably four guys
00:14:41
and a girl that have lost they lost their uh their use of their arm so it
00:14:47
just hangs there like a dead arm and they get it cut off because it causes so and they like burn it on stuff and they
00:14:53
bump it in and slam it into doors and so they got to get them uh taken off wow I know a girl that did that I wish I
00:14:59
remembered her name she was really cool young lady she got into a moped acccident in college and broke her arm
00:15:05
and then got another moped accident and broke it again and never got use of her arm back that's what you want um do you
00:15:12
think about get getting attacked by animals like a shark at all wait wait stop you're going coming
00:15:18
at me so quickly what CU we went from ampts the Sharks I think about sh I I know Al so you know the connection is
00:15:24
losing the it's just like it's just like a fun day in the beach a fun day in the beach all a sudden you don't have quick
00:15:29
to the to the Sharks okay let's segue better I'll do it better okay right hey do you like the beach but you got to
00:15:36
bring this into it do you like the beach oh I love the beach I was just recently at a beach dude I saw one guy armed guy
00:15:42
swimming in circles hey are you afraid of sharks that's it there we go that's it thank you so much yeah yeah and and
00:15:48
my answer did you see the guy with no arms swimming in the Olympics no can you pull that up he's Asian you're going to
00:15:53
love this Bobby oh W he's Asian and no arms and the only reason he's winning
00:15:58
the whole time the only reason he loses is he doesn't have [ __ ] arms that's the only reason why he loses that's the
00:16:04
only reason he loses cuz the other guy goes like this it's it's Asian par Olympics and I I I I want to throw
00:16:10
another thing that about this guy that's it that's it oh maybe before you play it I want to say one last thing look at this look at this I know we just give
00:16:16
you let me say you one last thing B okay all right is what also sucks about his
00:16:21
situation he can't even use his dick to help him to swim yeah it's like a Rudder
00:16:27
yeah but it's so oh oh I see what you're saying cut that joke on that didn't work I I I paused the whole flow of it just
00:16:35
to do a small dick joke right and it came out weird so go ahead so watch it
00:16:40
watch him watch him watch him this he's just look at this oh my God look at him right he's breathing no breathing but
00:16:46
the only reason the only reason the other guy wins is cuz he's got [ __ ] arms he's got to hit the wall with his head but what with the arms what does he
00:16:53
have he has what's missing it's it's you can't ask oh so you could be you could be okay
00:17:01
watch the only reason that that Ukrainian guy won is cuz the Chinese
00:17:07
that's Chinese right yeah look at this blind guy still but G's second the Chinese took second Chinese that's good
00:17:13
no but if he had one arm just one arm he would have won yeah that's life if I was 6'3 I'd be Yao Ming come on yeah you
00:17:20
know what I mean not really 7 foot if I was 7 foot wait hold on isn't he Chinese
00:17:26
yeah you get what I'm saying no Jeremy Lynn yeah JY and if I had a bigger dick I'd be uh Shaquille O'Neal yeah yeah
00:17:32
yeah exactly yeah so I want to talk to you about something that because I want to get the fact right
00:17:38
shoot and um you know as people know I was injured on your tour oh
00:17:45
God yeah okay let's get let's get let's let's well I just want to because I just want to do some investigating here no I
00:17:51
love your investigative reporting thank you so much I'm a big fan I seem to be the target of it every time but keep going I'm not targeting you I know every
00:17:58
time I get a [ __ ] [ __ ] text hey did you see who was on Bobby's podcast and I'm like [ __ ] go ahead I love this I love
00:18:03
this so at 2 2 2:30 in the morning I fall off my bunk yes hit my lip yes get
00:18:09
knocked out bleeding blood everywhere blood everywhere you know I I go to the um front of the bus I don't know what
00:18:15
the [ __ ] to do I go to the bus driver and I go hey dude I think I need to go to the hospital he's like you can't wait
00:18:20
5 hours okay we're almost there at Fort Lauderdale 5 hours so I'm sitting there
00:18:27
now I'm he said you can't wait 5 hours yeah yeah rocket Mone you guys um I
00:18:34
spend so much money on apps and stuff on my phone I bleed money because you know sometimes I'll get a meditation thing
00:18:40
right that I forget about and all of a sudden every year there's a subscription that I'm not aware of you bleed money
00:18:46
all right I've been paying for so many subscriptions that I don't use it's awful and Rocka money helped find subscriptions that I totally forgot
00:18:52
about it's embarrassing and I was paying for a long time two years even yeah I'm not going to talk about it okay it hurts
00:18:58
uh can you name every single subscription you have I bet you can't uh I I'm totally lost I just learned that
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00:21:49
I was hurt by it I bet you I so scared I was so scared I was so scared so I'm
00:21:54
sitting there I have my shirt over my face bleeding and I'm texting you guys yes I text eight people God damn it I
00:22:02
got to find this [ __ ] you'll find it you'll find it all the [ __ ] all right you'll find it and and the only please
00:22:09
someone sent me that [ __ ] chat thread it was so [ __ ] hysterical how it was
00:22:16
because so the problem with me and you is that when we get honest sometimes people still think we're joking and
00:22:24
so yeah when you said I fell out of my bunk everyone thought it was we didn't know that was real and then Leanne was
00:22:30
the only one that was like wait Bobby's really hurt that was you she was the first person to be like bobb's really hurt yeah and so that was the what time
00:22:38
that was at 6:00 in the morning it was like around 10 a.m. 10 yeah I think they they were taking you to the hospital
00:22:44
already no no Leanne's the one that saved me yeah Leanne Le you don't give a [ __ ] the first person to respond was
00:22:51
Mark Norman he wasn't even on tour her I know he was just left oh yeah he just left
00:22:57
yeah and he and he got the he was like getting on a plane and he said busted
00:23:04
rip so funny I F so funny it was so I'm going to tell you who were the helpful
00:23:09
ones it wasn't me I know exactly that's why you're not on this list okay okay who the helpful ones number one Leanne
00:23:16
your wife yes she was very helpful okay oddly enough Dave Vel no but he cuz he
00:23:22
was the one that texted me a bunch of times afterwards to see how I was doing checking up really yeah yeah I checked
00:23:28
in no you didn't yes I did yes I did nope I definitely did [ __ ] you I definitely did yeah I did I 100% did
00:23:35
listen you know what you are what am I [Laughter]
00:23:40
Bobby remember Game of Thrones you I mean yeah the who is the original King
00:23:47
before the Lannisters went in there that big Bor Robert barathan Baran that's
00:23:53
what you are I'm Robert Baratheon yeah you're Robert barathan is that bad or good I don't remember it's it's in the middle I'm the one I'm the I'm the
00:24:00
father of uh of king of uh I'm there you are so I'm the one that gets killed by
00:24:06
look at you that's you dude I might be Robert Brad I always saw myself as a Ned Stark kind of guy no you're not n Stark
00:24:11
dude I'm a little more like Ned Stark but what am I in the world what am I in the world in Game of Thrones you're uh
00:24:18
the uh little the guy that throws fireworks [Laughter]
00:24:23
everywhere and there likey throws fireworks put an Asian guy fireworks Game of
00:24:30
Thrones there's no Asian guy fireworks game of oh D I'm that guy wait oh that's
00:24:36
a yeah that's uh whatever that's not yeah that's David CH I don't know okay if there were no Asians in Game of
00:24:42
Thrones okay let's be for real who are you in Game of Thrones you're going to say Peter Dinklage as a character no I'm not no no no no buddy you're not that
00:24:49
smart Peter Dinklage is a gangster in Game of Thrones kind of organizes everything Jason
00:24:55
Mamoa no okay [ __ ] you're more like 's brother oh the one that gets gold on his
00:25:01
face yeah oh yeah Weasley yeah like you're not you're not I'm like a weasel no no no no you know who you are oh
00:25:07
thank you you are no you're not K's brother give me another shot you are um the baby dragon no you're one of the
00:25:14
you're one of the you're one of the guys that's on the night watch oh I know who I am who the kid
00:25:20
that betrays him what yeah you are right remember the kid and he gets kid who stabs him yeah
00:25:27
you're the kid who stabs him yeah the little kid and then he gets hung at the end yeah I'm him do you know what I
00:25:32
wanted to do with you so bad what do I want I want to do a trauma bowl of candy what's that have you ever seen trauma
00:25:37
bowls no have you never seen tra trauma bowls oh can we go back to the lip thing or what let's go back to the lip thing
00:25:44
all right let's go back to the lip thing you think anyone's following this podcast they're like I don't know what they're talking about thank God they
00:25:51
have Andrew and Tom to do no I like this I like this I do too yeah yeah I like it dark style so here's what I wrote I
00:25:57
wrote are are you [ __ ] crazy I feel bad that I ruined it wait oh this is you this is you okay okay at two okay it's
00:26:04
206 so it's a little late in the day in the morning yeah what do I say I
00:26:10
wrote you when you when you say the people that are in the thing try to do their voices too I can't get this is
00:26:17
just me and you what are you doing hang on I'm hang on I'm let me do my [ __ ] investigative journalism all right so
00:26:22
I'll just I'll just talk about my half of it okay so right here you have the first thing I I sent two photos in a
00:26:30
gigantic group chat for 40 people they're in it okay and then I write a letter okay tear
00:26:37
everyone I fill off the top bunk and hit my mouth on a Ledge and my lip is split
00:26:42
open and I don't know what to do okay another and I say good night the next
00:26:49
text I get is 3 hours later 3 hours later dude oh my God can
00:26:56
someone please find the text that was just sent with all the texts attached of all the comedians replying to that that
00:27:03
you just sent me I'm fighting with Bobby and I need to win there's no win or lose there's only only facts no I these are
00:27:10
facts okay let me let me go to fully loaded oh yeah go to the fully loaded uh
00:27:16
Talent week one with Bobby leonette I got week three I got week there you have
00:27:21
so many weeks and then I got week one yeah okay let me get to your face
00:27:28
okay here we go okay this is okay I knew it was wrong I knew it was wrong okay
00:27:34
okay good morning today's activities are the birdcast episode in B's shower room uh we also have a private pool with the
00:27:39
bartender starting at 2 p.m. 2 p p.m. snow cone trucks will be coming is there a ballpark for the podcast uh I don't
00:27:45
know very loose plans and then Bobby Lee wrote oh hang on oh hang on you're right you're right you're right you're right
00:27:50
you're right you're right what are you doing dude that was I fell off the top bunk and I hitel
00:27:55
ledge my lip is split open and I don't know what to do and then he wrote good night good
00:28:01
night Kyle Canan wrote put ice on it and tell everyone you got hurt doing something cooler than falling off a bunk
00:28:06
bed and Kyle [ __ ] you Leanne wrote Oh
00:28:12
[ __ ] yep go Rachel said coming to help she's the best and then Victoria said
00:28:18
coffee yeah Victoria I have issues with I have really big issues with Victoria and I'm I'm not ashamed to say it okay
00:28:25
she put voodoo on the reason why lip my lip thing you think so oh yeah she said she would do Voodoo and then I got hit my lip and so that's the one dude [ __ ]
00:28:33
yeah anyway [ __ ] Victoria and then it says then you do the some [ __ ] does good morning today's activities I'm
00:28:39
about to die and somebody goes an activities [ __ ] announcement right and
00:28:47
then and then yeah and then you said a picture the picture is horrific yeah but
00:28:53
and and Victoria rights yeah you're doing amazing sweetie yeah Leanne writes
00:28:59
I'm so sorry Bobby please let me know if you need anything someone else writes looks better yeah and guess what Stacy
00:29:07
said get some sleep oh that'll fix it and guess what BD from two to then you
00:29:14
don't text once you don't text once H you [ __ ] [ __ ] you're a piece of [ __ ] why
00:29:20
didn't you text hang on Victoria wrote I see how what he's doing text once hold on I was busy doing activities he was at
00:29:27
the bar know that I didn't know that it was as bad as it as it was I sent you photos [ __ ] I know but I was laying in
00:29:33
bed I was sleeping okay okay and then Chad Dan wrote your skin looks great okay Mark nor wrote busted rip you that
00:29:40
was very funny good laugh Mark good laugh he wrote woo what happened you get Will Smith again very funny okay and
00:29:48
then I wrote at I wrote privately to you oh you did I did of course I'm not gonna
00:29:53
write to I don't write oh that's right that's maybe maybe that's what it is yeah I wrot let's go back to Bert I wrote
00:29:59
okay way back hey buddy how are you feeling is there anything I can do it looks great you're right you're right I think you're right absolutely fly home
00:30:05
tomorrow if you need to I feel horrible and you went are you crazy I feel bad that I ruined everything I wanted to be the do the remaining dates in a couple
00:30:11
weeks I'm so sorry this happened I love you so much but I can't literally open my mouth in so much pain and I wrote Bobby you didn't ruin anything buddy
00:30:17
we're all bummed that this happened everyone loves you I wish you were here to tell you that I love you to death take care of yourself first brother I
00:30:23
love you and have fun and I can definitely have you on those remaining dates and I go and then I said wow does it still and you it seems a little bit
00:30:29
better but I'll see you next week I'm going to kill it for you and I said you're the best and and I want to say something very positive to you and your
00:30:35
family what's that and um and I've I've never I never expected it and I also was
00:30:41
like why would they do that but Leanne calls me and she goes and by the way the dates you missed we're still going to
00:30:46
pay you for those yeah which is I mean I'm not going to get I was
00:30:52
emotional when I got that because it's like it's it's not like I it's whatever I would never even thought about it
00:30:58
right but it's just the idea that you're just that cool that you guys would just do that which is and it's not Chum
00:31:04
change it's a it's a nice chunk of money you know what I mean and so it's like for me I you know you know I have to I
00:31:10
have to admit you and Tom over the years have been real friends and allies to me
00:31:15
and Andrew and our family and this and that and um it's just a real blessing it's it's hard to give you compliments
00:31:21
to be honest with you for real yeah I'm right now I'm just want to say something negative but I'm trying to get into
00:31:27
staying in the zone but but no you guys are really just really great guys and I appreciate it really nice thank you I'll
00:31:33
tell you I'll tell you why I'll tell you why we honor the money cuz when Georgia was four she fell and broke her jaw
00:31:39
knocked out all her teeth uh in a pair of Crocs and I got puled I got pulled off a tour cuz I had to fly home it was
00:31:44
a Sunday night and it wasn't a ton of money it was like we were making $5,000 a weekend we were doing probably five
00:31:51
shows so I maybe it was like $1,000 and I got I flew home I missed a Sunday show and they docked me $1,000 and I remember
00:31:58
being so [ __ ] mad when you did clubs yeah when I did clubs and I was like I was like wait I didn't I didn't bail on
00:32:04
you my daughter got hurt and they were like G it you didn't do the show so we get to keep the money and I [ __ ] was livid you're not going to tell me what
00:32:10
club it is it wasn't the club it was the [ __ ] it was Jameson Jameson it was
00:32:15
Jameson I I was whisky to him and it [ __ ] it sent me through the roof and I still have a a grudge about that and
00:32:21
so when we did and when we did fully loaded first year we did Mississippi uh and and it got rained out Brandon
00:32:26
Mississippi and I they said you know well we'll see if we can get everyone back I said well we got to pay everyone first and they were like hold on we we
00:32:32
can't afford to pay them it will really [ __ ] our budget up and I was like yeah but we can't stiff them and so we resell
00:32:38
to everyone I think I I I you'd have to ask the individual Comics but I think we gave them half the money and then bought
00:32:43
them a gift bag to send them and then said hey we hope that you'll come back we'll honor the the hope we'll come back
00:32:49
and do it and we'll honor the rest of the money but if you can't we'll just pay you the money and so people that didn't we paid them the money and then
00:32:55
everyone came back but I got I remember getting [ __ ] by that that and I that bothered me so much so I'm thank you very much it's first video you to say no
00:33:01
really I love you dude here's the deal here's the deal I love you more than I love you more than you love me that's [ __ ] insane that you would say
00:33:08
something like that right try to talk [ __ ] about me on my podcast and try to talk [ __ ] about you on my podcast and
00:33:13
watch what I do okay okay what me what I know what you be someone that doesn't like Bobby Lee like when you lay in your
00:33:19
bed and you think the things about yourself that you think people are saying say those right now I'll be interviewing you you're someone that
00:33:24
hates Bobby Lee oh so I'm a guy let me let me let me um create a character then
00:33:30
what I'm Richard who's someone that dislikes you I don't see that's the thing I want to create a character
00:33:36
because there's a couple of people but I want to put throw their name in I mean there's a lot of people that hate me yeah my name is Mando Mandu um Christ no
00:33:44
Mand Carone yes Mand Caron I'm Mand Caron okay what's up dude oh I know who this guy is do I'm
00:33:52
Mando Carone dog I'm from [ __ ] the inner suburbs of everything man what's
00:33:58
up so uh have you ever worked with Bobby Lee yo dude that that little [ __ ] was a piece of [ __ ] dog oh
00:34:04
he's a good friend of mine yeah well how could you be a friend with a guy that like shows his pubes everybody oh cuz
00:34:09
I'm the same guy we're like brothers I love that guy to death why what were you gonna say about him that's how it works
00:34:15
wow that's what you that's what you do yeah but that's it doesn't get views on a pod right R this is how this is how you
00:34:22
get views on a podcast go ahead be Mando what's up Mando Kone here dog from the
00:34:28
inner suburbs of [ __ ] East wasan
00:34:33
Washington dude I love your set on Def Jam thanks dog what's up Mond do you
00:34:40
know Bobby Lee yeah I dude that guy man [ __ ] bro what a [ __ ] creature of delight man oh what what he's a piece of
00:34:47
[ __ ] man what tell me what he did what he shows my pubes and stuff man yeah that's what you really do are you
00:34:54
saying that are you saying that if they're saying things about you I should be more defensive of you no be honest
00:35:00
cuz I will I will be more mindful about that no I don't no I but it's also um who cares I don't but at the end of the
00:35:08
day it doesn't [ __ ] matter it definitely doesn't matter to me I try to think about like I try to think about I
00:35:14
try to think of my brain as like a condo and so I I have like say I have 18 vacancies in my head and then I go who
00:35:21
am I going to give rooms to right room rich man's condo a rich man's condo yeah is that 18 is a lot yeah I don't know
00:35:29
never lived in a [ __ ] condo I actually lived in a apartment building it's apartment building apartment building yeah I said the wrong word I
00:35:34
never lived in a condo so okay don't mind shut the [ __ ] up man so then you go where you gonna who do you who do you
00:35:40
allow rooms in your condo for oh oh I see like who do you allow like cuz there
00:35:45
was a time when I when I was younger that I have strangers in my condo people I don't know or Mya like 50
00:35:53
of them yeah yeah come on in sleep over do whatever do whatever you want you know what I mean and they just run around [ __ ] [ __ ] on everything yeah
00:35:59
who do you think allows More Strangers in their condo Santino or Tom oh [ __ ]
00:36:07
Sano you really yeah because I know Tom a little bit Tom doesn't at least when we I do shows with him on the road he's
00:36:13
very like just calm but maybe he's doing an act no it's I I really calm I don't
00:36:18
think he he has a weird thing where he does he genuinely does not care about
00:36:23
things yeah I think it's also losing his dad for him was new thing of like and then Christina going through what she
00:36:29
went through I think he was just like okay I'm done giving a [ __ ] I think he was like I got a condo and I'm going to give 16 rooms to what's going on in my
00:36:35
life with my kids and my wife and my and whatever but I think so yeah I think Santino I can't Santino didn't strike me
00:36:41
as someone who's there's people that live there really yeah and they're strangers okay who do you think has more people in
00:36:48
their condo Shane Gillis or Joe Rogan oh [ __ ] Shane Gillis yeah you think so yeah
00:36:55
I think Shane Gillis I think he read still reads comments yeah but he also tells the people in the condo he I'll get you back he serves
00:37:03
eviction notices yeah yeah actually I know I know some people that have condos in his head I know I know a guy who
00:37:08
rents a who's actually hasn't paid his rent in a long time but he a long time ago he moved in and Shane's waiting for
00:37:15
the right time yeah to light his condo on fire really I know who it is oh you yeah
00:37:21
what who is it I can't tell okay can I tell you I have a Shane Gillis problem here what oh he don't like you no no no
00:37:27
no no he loves no but can I can I I'm going to let me go to his text here yeah all right so there's a Shane Gillis
00:37:33
problem I love him yeah you know what I mean and he's a great guy so I have this thing now where I I just refuse to do
00:37:41
because I just did a movie in Montana I play a regular guy like a white dude
00:37:46
yeah I'm just like a white guy like I there's no there's no racial references for real yeah never you don't you're not
00:37:52
Asian at all in this dude and all the roles I've had in the last five years reservation dog sex in the city all these Magnum there's no real Asian
00:37:58
references I don't have an accent it's not an issue you were in new new uh what was the new movie that just came out uh
00:38:04
Badlands Borderlands Borderlands you just a regular dude regular dude okay so all the things I do is a regular dude right and I kind of refuse to kind of do
00:38:11
Asian ones right so then he goes um oh I saw you in you know what movie I just saw what uh the [ __ ] movie you just
00:38:18
did about [ __ ] uh getting sober it's a sweet dreams sweet dreams yeah yeah yeah all right keep going anyway okay
00:38:26
you're great oh thank you so much I think you played gay and not Asian yeah I was a little gay all right so this is what he writes
00:38:32
he goes we wrote a role for you in tires which is great I that's I [ __ ] would
00:38:38
love to do that show right yeah then he goes if you're interested please be interested and I go [ __ ] it I'll do it
00:38:45
then he goes yes then I go just I always say this no accent please and he's like
00:38:51
he goes dude I swear it's all accent no English at all right then I go ha right
00:38:59
then he goes that's one of the lines yeah he go he goes I'm not joking
00:39:06
I'll explain that but I'm not joking he go can you send me the script you know what I mean yeah so what what what do I
00:39:13
do if I have this moral thing of like cuz I desperately want I love those guys
00:39:19
OK Connell and all those guys right I loved I would love to do it but it's like do I do the do I show up and go
00:39:25
okay guy I I do it you know mean I don't know you can also love those guys and just love their show and just be like I
00:39:30
love those guys I love their show I don't need to be in it yeah like but here's the problem is you do get like
00:39:36
people do it's it's not a shitty thing but they just go I'm looking for like a fat drunk who uh oh let's get Bert and
00:39:43
then you go yeah but I don't I'm like a fat drunk and they go yeah but that okay and then you're just sitting there going
00:39:49
I guess that is what I put out yeah and then I put out a thick Asian accent no no but no but I mean I do I really do no
00:39:56
be be real do I do in the show all the time do I do on this show I mean come on you just said do I do same same but
00:40:03
different Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah by my friend Shopify you guys if you have an online business go to
00:40:09
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00:40:15
stage of your business from the launcher online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million dollars stage hey
00:40:22
Shopify is there to help you grow when I started podcasting an online store was the furest this thing from my mind I'll
00:40:28
tell you that right now right now now I'm selling you know t-shirts mugs you know Co pictures of Bobby swimming in
00:40:34
the water like the Nirvana album cover uh and posters and all the above so it's
00:40:39
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00:41:29
friends I know cuz I I talk so fast no but here's the thing they trust you they trust you they trust me so that if
00:41:35
they're going to do an accent if they're going to do a role like that they want to go to someone who they know's funny and they know also can tell them that's
00:41:42
not cool like you know like they wrote it it's a bunch of dudes from Philly that wrote something f [ __ ] wildly funny and they want to trust they they
00:41:48
trust only funny people to do it so they're going to you because you're I guarantee you that whatever they wrote
00:41:53
is funny as [ __ ] and it and it overwhelms the the whatever Asian accent thing you're thinking I guarantee you
00:42:00
it's I'll put the buck teeth in I don't care I I'll [ __ ] do it but you can also but you can also just love those guys and root for them and go I can't
00:42:08
wait to watch this well I want to read it first let me read it first yeah yeah yeah anyway okay I can't wait to see uh
00:42:13
nine Philly guys write an Asian characters accent that's that's that's no that's
00:42:20
the viral moment is you do the show in the day at airs you post the script where it's like uh uh whatever the yeah
00:42:27
yeah I should and since I talked about this then I I talked about it here we're not going to edit this out right no don't yeah yeah yeah let me can I let me
00:42:34
ask you another thing that I'm going through right now and it's something I hate about myself and I can't talk to
00:42:39
Andrew about it because he doesn't really want to listen to me okay but um I have a thing where okay so when I was
00:42:47
in Winnipeg with your friend Tom yeah we're doing a show backstage I don't know we
00:42:53
talked about this but have we talked about this there was a guy backstage he is a club owner in Winnipeg I I know the
00:43:00
club you do yeah yeah nice guy seems like a very nice guy well that's the club that Tom bombed in horribly correct
00:43:06
I don't know yeah keep going so anyway Tom goes hey this is guy you know he's owned the the club for years yeah and
00:43:14
immediately I I go how come you never even book me why would you say that what
00:43:19
that's why that's the thing yeah you can't say that why cuz doesn't matter it does matter but why I'll tell you why
00:43:26
okay keep going there's all these clubs in America that I remember calling my agent cuz I had even before podcasting I
00:43:32
did pretty good numbers right so I go good numbers you've always done good yeah yeah I mean I'm doing way better now but you know but but um and and they
00:43:39
would go they just don't want you right it would make me mad because it's like I want to play it I I want to go to that
00:43:45
City and play it and I look at their lineups like I have more credits whatever it would just build I would build a resentment right so then now
00:43:52
that I see these Club ERS now I'm kind of like weird and I don't want to be like that but it's like am I the one
00:43:57
that that's in the wrong yeah you are I'll tell you why I'll tell why tell me why teach me what happens when you get
00:44:03
famous or when you get success in comedy is you all those little [ __ ] thorns in your side that wouldn't work with you
00:44:09
and didn't want to [ __ ] with you and didn't want to talk to you and maybe sometimes didn't even know you didn't even know you existed you you when you
00:44:16
first get famous in comedy or not famous but get some success there's an Impulse I've seen so many people do it to light
00:44:21
those people up and let them know now you couldn't get me or something like that right and and it's ugly what you
00:44:28
should say that guy I'll tell I'll give you a perfect example of someone I love to death that I wanted to say that to
00:44:34
okay who I wanted I wanted to work uh Comedy
00:44:40
Works so bad Denver Denver so badly I wanted dude I I could name a hundred of
00:44:45
these clubs because I didn't have your career I had like a [ __ ] career like I had one where like no no I worked on
00:44:51
Travel Channel no one ever thought I'd ever make money no one ever thought I was ever going to become successful or get a special on Netflix so so like
00:44:57
there were a bunch of clubs that just the cool clubs would never work me would never [ __ ] work me that's interesting
00:45:02
and so I wanted to work Comedy Works so bad but always worked at Denver Improv which is predominantly a black room one
00:45:08
of the room and it's one of the worst rooms in the world and so I [ __ ] I languished in the Denver in the Denver
00:45:15
Improv doing I never selling a ticket and I wanted to work comedy work so bad
00:45:20
and then I met Wendy and there was a part of me that wanted to say why didn't you ever work me and then Wendy just was
00:45:27
like you're [ __ ] hilarious where have you been and I was like oh my God thought I didn't say anything and then
00:45:32
she's anytime I ever stop by Denver she it was it was all in your head dude I remember I remember it's not in your
00:45:38
head he didn't she didn't book you no how about this I'll give you a better one I'll give you a better one okay s uh
00:45:44
Ann Harris and Joanne gion love them okay they were the the the I would say
00:45:51
the king makers at Comedy Central they gave you half hours they gave you hours and I remember going like I remember
00:45:56
sending like audition tapes to them and I didn't get a reply no feedback nothing and then I was like [ __ ] man I got so in
00:46:03
my head that I was like I thank God I never ran into them drunk and said something cuz I would have said my
00:46:08
emotions and I would said all my feelings and then one day one day I get a phone call from both of them and
00:46:14
they're like you're [ __ ] so goddamn funny where have you been this whole time and then I was like God I never
00:46:20
said anything I understand but it's but it's a natural instinct I watched a guy I watched a guy light up a [ __ ] club
00:46:26
owner who who all he said was hey congrats on all the success and he's like yeah I bet you wish you would [ __ ] book me now and then I was like
00:46:32
why are you doing this he just said congratulations I would never do that yeah but but here's the deal he's had an
00:46:37
arena and he's watching you perform murder murder with Tom sigura yeah he
00:46:43
knows how big your podcast is yeah yeah what are you guys doing please say you're too Asian we got a call from who
00:46:49
from Andrew okay Santino hi B what's up Happy Labor Day
00:46:56
happy labor I'm in Chicago with my family I'm drunk on my patio I feel like uh I'm doing you doing you justice I'm
00:47:03
having a glass of vodka with your best friend we're we're breaking each other down uh with wrong with us yeah yeah is
00:47:09
he pissing you off or is it good no it's good it's good it's very healthy it's awesome well well tell him I miss him so
00:47:15
much I love you I'm right here I can hear you I'll tell share all this keep going um I I and and honestly between
00:47:23
you and me bur because I know it's just a private conversation that um I'm ready to get rid of this guy I want to come be
00:47:29
a part of the poor H can you tell him tell him we got a
00:47:35
signing hey we got a signing hey you coming out for uh skankfest in Vegas I'm
00:47:40
not gonna I'm gonna be on tour I already got [ __ ] for three other times oh I'm I'm doing I'm doing the Resorts World
00:47:46
Theater September 27th 28th it's the same weekend as skang Fest I'm bumed yeah but if you're I was gonna say I was
00:47:51
see if Bobby wants to come out where where where Resorts World SE 27 28 it's in Vegas I want to do it all right
00:47:57
you're in all right I'm gonna have Bobby come I'm stuck well I can do stand up yeah I'm stuck but go love you guys I
00:48:03
love you to death brother I'll talk to you guys soon all right I'll talk to you later bye we you tell him he keeps
00:48:08
calling me noodle I don't like it Noodle's not bad he goes hey how's my favorite noodle and I just don't like it
00:48:14
it's so funny so wait what were we talking about why I'll tell you why you said it yeah and he goes and I get I got
00:48:21
it he goes I just heard there's there's some wild aspects of your show that just wouldn't fit in to and I go you know
00:48:28
what I think you're right and you know and I only bring this up listen listen I'm only like this with Su clubs and
00:48:34
you're right I want to change and so um and obviously in Show Business of course
00:48:39
they're like directors like where have you been I've been in town for 30 years and I get I'm on the radar now right so
00:48:45
that's why they say it and I understand it and I'm blessed but it's like I it's the only reason why I brought it up is
00:48:51
because it is an ugly side of myself that makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me go wow I wish I could just not
00:48:58
be like that you know who doesn't say it who Santino and Tom do you know who says it me and you yeah yeah it's we're
00:49:04
better people but you got are we better let's be honest I would rather be me
00:49:09
than Tom I'd rather be me than Andrew yeah I think that's the truth can you imagine being Andrew can you imagine
00:49:15
being Tom can you imagine being Tom where you where everything's got to be like this like this yeah
00:49:21
yeah I know I know yeah hey this vodka is great mhm yeah yeah yeah yeah hey
00:49:27
this is a really cool car when did you get it uh yeah shipped it over from Germany like a week ago man it's nice
00:49:32
yeah he's just dead inside yeah I'd rather be imagine being like this oh it's 800 in the morning I'm on a golf
00:49:39
course and then at 2 I have 15 meetings and a three I got to go over the [ __ ]
00:49:44
vene okay what do you want what would you want what here's what I know what both of us wish we could do more like
00:49:51
our friends oh you want to switch it up like what do you what would you take from them it when wouldn't be Tom's
00:49:59
body I such a better body than him is ridiculous way [ __ ] I me it's not even [ __ ] close bigger dick no exact same
00:50:06
dick the exact same no that's not true I'll tell you why I've seen it we've seen both each other's dicks together we
00:50:11
were almost docking each other oh okay I've seen yours though yeah Bueno Bueno yeah very good thank
00:50:18
you thank you so um let me give um he's better at um communicating with people
00:50:25
in terms of like family wow are you talking about are you talking about Tom or and Andre oh my God he loves being
00:50:30
around friends yeah that's Tom that's Tom he's better communicating with people like I'm not good at
00:50:35
communicating people yeah if I get a text I go I just
00:50:41
don't reply I that's actually that's actually the one close blowout fight Tom and I
00:50:48
ever had yeah was so simple to solve yeah but we sat down and he's like we need to have like a legit conversation
00:50:55
he's like we run a business together we're open put another business okay conversation and he said you need
00:51:01
to reply to my texts I TR know and it's so funny here B that you say this yeah
00:51:07
I'll show you something right here so then but I hate it when the people don't text me back oh yeah and I'm all like so
00:51:14
I'm going to give you one right here I sto texting people because I don't want to I don't want to wait for their text back so I see Jordan Peele oh [ __ ] that
00:51:21
I couldn't text Jordan Peele so he's on he has I saw this photo online and I thought he looks so cool here so I go
00:51:28
like an idiot I go you look dope nothing that was a week ago okay and and
00:51:36
it hurts me let's see let's see who's got an unread text from me really how do
00:51:42
you do that these I can I can find I can just go into anyone famous anyone famous
00:51:47
doesn't reply to me all the time okay okay um I can find an easy one I'll tell you
00:51:54
who just replied to me that I did not expect reply and I just said Don't expect a reply was Snoop okay I got I
00:52:00
got a reply from a famous guy the other day who he I got six blue Hearts is that
00:52:06
good Jack Black wow I go happy birthday and he gave me six blue Hearts oh cuz
00:52:12
you guys just did a movie together and also he did bad friends oh he did yeah yeah yeah okay
00:52:18
um I I have but nothing from Jordan you look was that not cool at least love it you know no so the
00:52:25
only ones that bother me are guys that I feel like uh like the that I go did I
00:52:31
did I do something you know okay I I think there's two okay so
00:52:39
there's two things going on here if you're super busy I get it my fear is
00:52:46
they don't text me back cuz I'm not cool enough and I think that there are people that are like that is that what you do
00:52:53
to us for example I text you back I would never text guys okay no like I would like I I I have a list if you look
00:53:00
at my list for my employees I'm not I don't not saying you guys are employees but if you look at all the text they sent me I would never reply to them I'm
00:53:06
not going to spend my time replying to them you can talk to me when I see you m yeah I don't reply to emails I don't look at emails what's the
00:53:14
matter have I not been better about communicating with you guys have I not
00:53:20
have I not tried okay then what the [ __ ] with this jokes okay okay I'm try
00:53:26
I I feel like I am I feel like I you know what I want to be more right yeah and then every time I try to do more you
00:53:33
push me down and you say it's not good enough and that's what my dad used to do and I'm tired of it I see God okay can I
00:53:42
can I jump you can do whatever you want you can do I'm on your time I'm on your team yeah I know you are it's not normal for us to be this connected to to your
00:53:49
employees yeah it's not normal for anyone to get access to me 100% of the time like it's so [ __ ] soad I'm so glad
00:53:55
you're here yeah let's lay it down on the line dude we should not be able to get in touch with each other there I
00:54:01
can't okay I can't tell you hey man uh I'm going through some [ __ ] with my daughter we're getting ready to go to
00:54:07
college and then post a picture of me eating Edibles at the beach then you watch it and then go hey man you're at the beach what the [ __ ] why' you lie to
00:54:13
me and say you're at your house packing up your daughter and then I go you're not supposed to be able to call me all my [ __ ] that easy no know that you're
00:54:19
not you're not I got I got caught yeah you did I got caught alive as I told
00:54:24
someone I was like I'm I'm packing up with my daughter I can't do that today and I was at the beach eating Edibles
00:54:29
and I just didn't want to do it right and I was like I should be able to lie to you like old school like in the 40s
00:54:34
in the 40s yeah and no one calls me on it it was easier in the 40s it's not like I lied to you when I [ __ ] killed somebody I just don't want to be around
00:54:40
you trying to be nice imagine being in the 40s okay you and our Comics oh my God okay okay what do you mean oh where
00:54:48
are you performing right not on my stage yeah I I don't know not on my
00:54:55
stage Chinatown okay San Francisco had a Chinatown keep going okay just hypothetically okay
00:55:01
we're both in the 40s world where as and whites live together it's me you I'm Joey Chestnut
00:55:09
your Kobayashi keep going okay I watched that I watched that
00:55:14
the they did a Netflix did a a hot dog eating live concer today and I just thought that's [ __ ] odd why I don't
00:55:21
know I F out of World War II I just thought do you ever think our grandparents would be like so this is how it ends up
00:55:27
yeah yeah or between the two just two [ __ ] two of our people just eating hot dogs against each other wait we're
00:55:32
we're that close it's incredible how our our our world has changed in that way
00:55:38
holy [ __ ] it's so much more inclusive yeah it's so much it's like honestly I was in Montana and I think 20 years ago
00:55:44
if I was in Montana I was there for a month I would have been like oh I can't go anywhere or I could get hurt yeah I I
00:55:52
wouldn't say 20 years ago I would I say 25 years ago maybe 40 whatever right but
00:55:58
you know I'm in Montana and it's like not only is there no racism it's pretty inclusive I mean people are like hugging
00:56:05
me and like you I mean hey man can I get a photo I mean maybe that has something to do with Fame probably a little bit
00:56:11
you know I mean but but I don't think I think here's the weird part is like well maybe I don't know maybe if you're
00:56:16
walking around Montana as a Korean dude people are like who is he why is he in this neighborhood oh [ __ ] it's Bobby Lee
00:56:22
no because I went to okay I want to tell you something that happened to me okay so I was in Montana a but and you know I
00:56:29
I had a couple of days off so like I need to go to a AA meeting really yeah so I went down you do those still every
00:56:35
day no I go to maybe once a week and and I went to a church way deep into the suburbs oh [ __ ] that's the AA meeting I
00:56:42
want to go to and I was sitt and there were people in there with like some people with oxygen tanks that's how old
00:56:48
they were yeah old school drink all white [ __ ] yeah like old school white
00:56:54
like and as as soon as I walked in obviously everyone's 80 years old and super white and a little Asian guy comes
00:57:02
in there and they you know I turned heads but as soon as I sat down they're like would you like some coffee and then
00:57:09
you know they put me some coffee and then they go um you know is there anybody from out of town I got Bobby
00:57:14
from LA and then they you know I shared and then afterwards what do you say like you don't have to tell me exactly what
00:57:20
you say but like I I tell you my share what do you share like do you go like hey this is so gross
00:57:26
this is so gross of what I'm about to say right now dude but what I say little things to let them know that I've been
00:57:32
in the program Oh I thought you going to say you say little things to let them know you're famous no I don't care about
00:57:38
that but it's more like it's more like yeah you know when Dr Bob and Bill back in akan Ohio you know I mean I try I try
00:57:44
to like throw you know I mean that's wild Dr silkworth you know when he talked about the psychic change and the
00:57:50
doctor's opinion and the big book like I want to throw them some knowledge that I'm like I'm sober you know in just like
00:57:56
you guys right and I say something maybe a little something personal why what's so funny I I did something gross the
00:58:02
other night all let me let me finish this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so but then the second time I went there I you
00:58:08
know it it there's only one Uber in be so I'm like I don't know I'm going to get home it kind of later at night so
00:58:14
this couple be nice couple goes um hey buddy we're big fans you you want to
00:58:19
ride home I go yeah and so I get in the car really nice couple and they start
00:58:25
going the opposite away of where my hotel is I swear to God and I go I go where
00:58:32
are we going and they go well you're going to our house I know and I go huh you're my kids
00:58:43
you're going to be my kids oh my God my God okay so now I'm in
00:58:48
the boonies inside a living room these two gigantic dogs are just you know
00:58:55
attacking me these three kids come out of the room they're like wiping sleep they at school the next day and they oh
00:59:01
my God nice to meet you know our dad took us to Missoula this what he said
00:59:06
our dad took us to S moua and they gave us a $300 you know I mean that we sent $300 on new school clothes okay cool I
00:59:13
gotta get the [ __ ] out of here you know I mean it was so weird I mean what would you have done oh I would have done the
00:59:19
exact same exact exact thing you're be me and you are the people that we're the good ones yeah we're the good ones
00:59:25
imagine imagine Bill bur oh that wouldn't happened yeah that would [ __ ] yeah I'm getting get the [ __ ]
00:59:32
out of here no there's guys like him and Tom take care of themselves first they go they no I was taking care of myself
00:59:38
no no no no they would have been like they would have been like uh someone said can we give you a ride home and immediately they said no I'm I've got
00:59:43
I've got a car coming I've got a car I got an Uber they would have they're they're in charge of their [ __ ] guys like me and you go to a meeting or go to
00:59:50
a party and don't think of how we're getting home anyway so tell me about you made a full your oh I'm not doing it now
00:59:56
no you have to you have to you have to and we'll cut it out if it's bad okay I'll tell you where I made I'll tell you
01:00:01
you tell me I'll tell you a even more embarrassing one what you're talking about is ego it's your ego you want people to know you've been in the
01:00:07
program yeah yeah and so for me my ego is that I've just like uh like I don't
01:00:13
know I think I was I I was think I was broke for so long that all those stuff I was telling you about what Young Comics
01:00:19
do when they get first get famous I was guilty of some of those things not not all the time but I definitely was guilty
01:00:24
of them the other day where at night destruction it's a demolition derby in in uh Irwindale I'm with my wife and my
01:00:30
daughter and like all her friends and people are taking pictures with me they're coming up and taking pictures with me and uh and one of the one of the
01:00:39
dudes like kind of is like goes who who the [ __ ] is he and uh I and I I heard
01:00:45
him so I said I'm I'm a comedian and then he goes to my wife he does this he goes whoa like it must be making his
01:00:51
head big and it was like a weird [ __ ] thing but it struck me wrong right and
01:00:57
uh and then he said so where where do you do standup and I said just anywhere really and then he goes you do the
01:01:04
Improv and and this is what's crazy and Isa called me on it I said yeah I used
01:01:09
to yeah yeah I still do though like if you still do I lied yeah I do it I've
01:01:16
seen you there yeah I know and I said I used to and he goes oh did you have you ever done it in a while I said well and
01:01:21
then I start getting into this dialogue it's an inner dialogue with me to this guy and I go you know I'm off tour right
01:01:27
now I'm taking N9 months off and and I I've been on tour for the past seven years and I just got done this Arena
01:01:32
tour my daughter Isa is like what are you doing a person that does not give a [ __ ] about what are you doing B what are
01:01:38
you doing what are you doing I don't know and I just and I was like cuz he did the thing though whoa like he must
01:01:44
have a big head and I was like [ __ ] I'm I'm watching you like I'm right here what do you mean yeah he's like
01:01:50
everyone's taking pictures of you and he looks at my wife whoa and I was like oh I was like what the [ __ ] and then I just
01:01:57
vomited my ego onto his shoes yeah what you do and he was like he didn't even notice he was like cool so when do you
01:02:04
do the Improv next wow wow wow wow I [ __ ] hate myself I know but you know
01:02:11
what I get it the worst is when they go oh you do
01:02:17
comedy I go yeah yeah la I go yeah you know my friend Rocky raon you know me yeah he he does comedy
01:02:24
out there you guys probably do shows together I go yeah no rocking you have you have to pretend I
01:02:30
got I got here's the worst one when people go so if you get recognized and then other people go who are you yeah I
01:02:39
am and I'm like I'm like I'm nobody I'm just I'm a comedian they're like but why are people taking pictures with you and
01:02:44
then I cut to the [ __ ] chase and I go I'm famous and they're like I don't know you and I'm like I know that that's why
01:02:49
we're having this conversation I had a girl at a Grateful Dead concert come up to me yeah and go uh hey what's up up I
01:02:56
said how you doing and she goes I know you and I said uh no I don't think so she goes no no we went to high school
01:03:02
together and I went no I went to an all boy Catholic High School in Tampa I know we didn't go to high school together she's like no [ __ ] you're not from
01:03:08
Tampa I know you you're [ __ ] with me and I went no I'm famous and she went no you're not I was like and she goes why
01:03:14
would you say you're famous I go I'm so famous you think we went to high school together I don't know what the [ __ ] to
01:03:20
tell you and then her friend goes who the [ __ ] do you think you are and I go my name's Bert chrys I'm a comedian she
01:03:27
knows who I am she just can't place it right now and I guarantee you in a couple minutes you're going to know who I am I am because she knows who I am and
01:03:34
they go [ __ ] you and they turn around and then the girl in like [ __ ] two minutes goes you're the machine and I went yeah I go what but I had to go
01:03:41
through all this ego death to get to hear why can't we just why couldn't you at the very beginning be sweet and go
01:03:49
hey I know you and I go no you don't you go okay maybe I don't and turn around I'll tell you I had a famous person do that to me one time cuz that's the thing
01:03:55
with famous people is you think you know them I did it to Reese Witherspoon I thought I knew her I was like we grew up
01:04:00
together she was like did you no but that's how that's what happens when you especially like someone like Reese Withers who so beautiful yeah you just
01:04:07
are drawn to her immed can I just can I let me throw that let me what what' you say ree Withers Moon she's okay to me I
01:04:16
it's just not it's not my thing no what white no I love white she's perfect she is the ideal white if Hitler was going
01:04:22
to make a person it would be her okay I mean okay that's it that was Hitler would have been like that's the [ __ ]
01:04:28
one we just had different sensibilities Hitler and I all right keep going you were saying I don't even know okay it's so embarrassing I don't want to say it
01:04:33
you know say that's all we do I was in an event with this girl I sitting next sitting there at this event and she was
01:04:39
like what do you do I go Go comedy she goes yeah well like what kind of I was I was saying yeah I'm doing I'm killing it
01:04:44
I'm killing it I said I'm doing really good you know every Club I go to I sell Club I said I said Club I said every
01:04:51
Club I go I sell out right and I and she goes oh that's cool I go yeah yeah it's like cool I get like a versus deal I say
01:04:58
oh Bobby oh Bobby oh Bobby I get a versus deal oh Bobby yeah and she goes
01:05:03
what's that I go yeah the club gives gets takes 40 I keep 60 or I don't know so whatever the [ __ ] thing is and and
01:05:10
I this is the worst one I've heard and I talked about it for about half an hour about myself and I go what do you do she
01:05:17
goes oh not not really my dad's a comic I go who's your dad she goes Ray
01:05:24
Romano that's the best one I I I I I completely made that story up oh are you
01:05:30
serious yeah I was like I was in my head I was like I didn't know what else cuz I didn't have a story you're pretty good
01:05:36
though that's good really good that was really good you should make up more stories I
01:05:42
do that's a pretty good makeup story right that's a really good one yeah yeah can I give you a Redemption one give me
01:05:47
a Redemption this is I haven't told anyone about this yeah this is a big one I would love this one I'm going to love
01:05:53
it this is intense okay okay hold on let me put a dip in okay I quit tobacco I
01:05:58
know you did I didn't know that sorry I [Laughter]
01:06:04
lied so go ahead 20 probably 23 years ago I had a TV show where I interviewed
01:06:10
Jean Simmons from the kiss the lead singer I was the biggest [ __ ] kiss fan in the world as a child kiss was the
01:06:18
I dressed up as Jee Simmons I did my talent show as Jean Simmons I could sing every [ __ ] shout it shout it shout it
01:06:27
out loud I knew every I knew everything right so I go to I do you swallow
01:06:36
it I need water what a great interviewer he is I mean this is like top-notch OA
01:06:41
[ __ ] have you ever been watching real time when Bill Mah when someone's about to did you swallow
01:06:47
[Laughter] it it should be noted that I preface this was I haven't told this story to
01:06:53
anybody I'm so sorry oh my God it went down the
01:07:00
tube okay go ahead shout it Shout It Out Loud Let's go I'm so sorry I love you
01:07:09
please continue so please so
01:07:15
so so I I do a show where I interview Jean Simmons and he was less than nice
01:07:20
to me like I mean he was almost horrific right and so I [ __ ] walk away I I was
01:07:28
it's called The X show is the late night talk show I walk away I go it's heartbreaking it's destructive because you go now I can't listen to their music
01:07:35
I have to [ __ ] right off my childhood is a mistake it really sucks so cut to
01:07:40
this Netflix is a joke Festival uh I'm at uh maybe the Tom Brady roast I think and uh
01:07:48
and Nick Simmons Jean Simmons son comes up to me and I know Nick is friends with Tommy and he goes his podcast and Nick's
01:07:54
really a kid he comes up he's like dude you're [ __ ] hilarious I was like thanks I know who he is I was like i'
01:08:00
love getting on the podcast I think Nick's cool as [ __ ] and he was like he was like I'd love to introduce you to my dad and I said I'm good and he went what
01:08:07
I said I'm good I would not like to meet your dad and he goes excuse me and he goes uh he goes my dad's a fan and I was
01:08:15
like buddy I had a bad experience with your dad and I'd rather not meet him and I said and I'm sorry that I'm doing this
01:08:20
I don't want to be around your dad and he goes well my mom's with him hold on so he brings his mom over I think w was
01:08:25
actually at my show it sounds crazy I think this was at my show at the Forum will you get the [ __ ] story straight
01:08:31
is it at the way because my parents were there my parents were there well then it's got to be the [ __ ] your show it had to be my show so so his wife comes
01:08:39
over and she comes over and she's almost giggling she's with Nick and she goes I heard my husband was a dick and I said
01:08:47
he was she goes yeah let's bring him over you tell him exactly what happened and I went no no no no I actually do not
01:08:53
want to be involved in this all at this point I'm so nervous cuz also he was a hero of mine and it is Jean [ __ ]
01:09:00
Simmons and you you don't want to double down on the hate and I and I don't want to have this moment I'd rather just never talk to him exactly okay I was
01:09:05
like I was like I'm cool I've already hated him for [ __ ] 25 years okay Gan Simmons walks over with his son and his
01:09:12
wife and he sits over and he goes I hear that I was rude to you and I said yes
01:09:18
and he goes please tell the story and I went okay and so in front of his wife
01:09:24
and his son and him I tell the story verbatim as if I was telling it to you
01:09:29
and [ __ ] on on a podcast and he looks at me and he goes I apologize for Behavior I hope you'll forgive me I
01:09:34
think you're absolutely hilarious oh my God and I went you're 100% forgiven I said you're the [ __ ] best dude thank
01:09:40
you for this so much and he goes let me pay you and I said what he goes I'll give you $5 and he gave me $5 he goes
01:09:45
are we good and I went yeah and he goes let me sign it and he signed the $5 bill and he gave it to me and he was like he was like the coolest [ __ ] guy in the
01:09:52
world he got me back in a heartbeat in a [ __ ] heartbeat wow I [ __ ] bent to the knee I I was like [ __ ]
01:10:00
shoutout it out I looked at his son I was text him with his son the next day I was like I go thank you for doing that
01:10:06
thank you for doing that I was so his his son's cool as [ __ ] his his son was like this isn't the first time this has
01:10:11
happened let's make amends what if he you go you go All Is Forgiven and he goes and spit right in your face what
01:10:18
would you have done I would have [ __ ] laughed hysterically and been like you got me good God I deserve that I that
01:10:27
yeah yeah jeene Simmons is a [ __ ] gangster and I've texted with this son a bunch you can I pit you an idea okay go
01:10:34
we should do a secret podcast that we don't tell our partners about it'll make them mad and we'll just put it on
01:10:39
patreon it'll make them we'll just put on patreon and and we'll and we'll change our names we'll change our names
01:10:45
yeah it'll be called Bad Bears it's fck bad Bears that's not bad
01:10:51
Bears Bad Bears we should do we should do B yeah yeah we're twoo
01:10:56
I mean I've always wanted this as a podcast name and it'll make him mad but I still want Griffin without
01:11:06
Griffin it'll make Eric mad but I I I've always wanted to do
01:11:12
that we should do a show called what's the Superman's name Henry Cabell yeah
01:11:17
Henry Cabell and the benle show and we'll just and me and you do on a secret on the DL they'll never know about this
01:11:23
they will no they'll never know will be so mad and we do not tell them and just on patreon and we we charge like 50
01:11:30
cents okay we probably charge nothing on patreon but we just do it on the DL can we dress differently yeah and and what
01:11:37
we can do is we'll just do it over Colonial we'll just do it over the phone no no no we got to be I would love to be
01:11:42
we be anyway thank you for listening thank you for being a bad [Music]
01:11:48
friend
01:11:53
woo woo
01:11:58
wo
01:12:04
woo wo [Music]
